#like i just wanna fucking kill myself all the fucking time bc i can't fucking take it

[vampiromano]

fuck it I'm starting singing classes

i actually wrote a lot of tags on this one. it's mostly personal reminders. but I'm posting it bc I'll forget to do any of this otherwise

i do not check my scheduling apps I'm a disaster❤️

anyway the tldr is I'm leaving this year's seasonal depression behind‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ fuck yes

i get it in summer bc I'm built different (got a few mental disorders) but yeah anyway I don't fucking care I'm DOING SHIT AGAIN somebody clap

[hoodieimp]

Ngl it feels like my Finals Season Stress Freakouts are happening a) earlier and b) more and more frequently every school year

That's......probably not good huh

[ailoveuu]

Hello, and welcome to a series that I would like to call "what does an anti have to say", in which I watch a bunch of anti-proship videos to see if they can turn me into an anti!

Today, we are going to be watching "An Ex Proshippers advice" by Loki ZeGaymer. I found this video through someone on here (tamarahtalkstv), so major thanks to them for even making their own post about this and inspiring this whole thing.

Will I stop being anti harassment? Will I give up on blocking content I don't like?? Am I going to stop shipping bad ships (even though I keep it to myself 9/10 and have only mentioned my comships twice on this account)??? Will this be my last post before deactivating???? Let's find out together!

An obvious disclaimer, because the fact that I have to say this fucking sucks: don't harass this person. Being proship is all about being anti harassment, and if you can't be a decent human being over fiction, you are the issue. We are all humans, treat each other as such.

One of the first things that becomes obvious right off the bat, that actually gives this video so much more credibility than most others, is that this person used to be a proshipper! This is a very common rhetorical device, known as ethos. Believe me, I hate ethos, pathos, and logos discussions, but they exist for a reason. The fact that this person used to be a proshipper is them saying that they have experience with such things and can understand what they're talking about, in a way. They say both in the video and in the caption that they used to be a proshipper, so if you'd actually want to see how antis think, this could be helpful since they've been on both sides.

Although, an odd thing that seemed to show right after is the story of how they became a proshipper. The claim that they got groomed into proshipping is a common one, and I'm not surprised. Believe it or not, fiction can be used to spread ideas and connect to vulnerable individuals. My initial issue with this is that this wording, that they were groomed into proshipping, acts like proshipping in general is what caused this. Any type of fiction, even "legal" fiction, can lead to this.

I've had people in their 20's say that if they were my age, they'd have a crush on me. We met through harmless roleplaying. I was in a toxic relationship with someone I met through roleplaying, who happened to be an anti. Off topic, but I'm starting to think that roleplaying is the issue...but you get my point. Any and all type of fiction can be used against people. I know that toxic ex of mine did use "legal" fiction against me, and that's just how it is. Fiction can be used for malicious purposes. Any and all types.

(Also, jfc their ex sounds awful. Idgaf that they were 16-17, wdym you groomed a 14 y/o while in an online cult??? Ik this is about proshipping, but I genuinely hope they've recovered from this. Again, I speak from experience, that ex deserves to go to hell and back - and I'm the least religious person on this planet.)

Now, I'm gonna paraphrase, bc I don't wanna rewatch the clips 6383 times in order to get the exact quote. At 3:03, their claim is that "I've been groomed by multiple people, all of whom were proshippers. This contradicts their claim that fiction doesn't affect reality." All I'm gonna say, is that people who think fiction DOESN'T affect reality are stupid.

I feel giddy when I read cute fanfiction, I cry over sad scenes, I use it to cope! Fiction is affecting my reality, because I have let it. Fiction is affecting my reality, but not on a 1:1 basis. I'm a huge horror fan, I've been like that since about 3rd/4th grade. By this logic though, I'm a mass murderer, abuser, cult leader, and overall the embodiment of evil. Last time I checked, I've never killed a person.

At 3:39, they begin to talk about getting doxxed. I'm starting to think this person is like, my long lost twin bc I also got doxxed a while back, but not for being a proshipper. Ironically enough, that is exactly why they got doxxed. I haven't moved on past this part, but I'm going to make a prediction: I'm hoping that they say that this was wrong, they nobody deserves this, and that this is something that antis shouldn't do no matter how wrong proshipping may be. Was I right? Well...

Uh they didn't mention it at all past that. They didn't like, say "that's wrong", but instead they mention that they got therapy, and thank goodness for that! Idc that they're an anti, getting groomed and doxxed is not something you go through and be completely fine after. They say that they got therapy specifically for the abuse and not for the comshipping, which I agree with, esp since my own therapist agrees that people do use comshipping as a way to cope.

4:12, and now we're moving onto the whole anti-harassment claim. Oh no.

I haven't moved past that as of writing this part, but I'm willing to bet that they're gonna say "you can't be anti harassment and a groomer" which I agree with. Although that's just common sense. I don't think that it'll be worded right though because that'll just continue that idea that ALL proshippers are groomers, which this video literally contracts because I have faith that this person wasn't a groomer ever, esp not as a proshipper.

"They claim to be anti harassment while invalidating my trauma and misgendering my best friend." So that's a false claim and does not represent every proshipper...many proshippers are trans and use comshipping to cope with their trauma. If they're doing this while doing what you've claimed them to be doing then they'd be hypocritical. I am very lucky to have not experienced that myself, and I've never seen a proshipper harass anybody, but I don't doubt they exist.

"Even if someone is a proshipper, you shouldn't be harassing them; especially if they're a minor" common sense we love to see it <3

"Just stop and seek some help. It's not that hard to seek therapy." but for some it IS HARD. The fact that I can go to therapy and get treated for my anxiety is a privilege that so many do not have. Do NOT act like therapy is so easily accessible. For many, it is not. They said the same thing at the end for adults as well...

We don't blame horror movie directors for people being inspired by their movies to commit murder. Why is it a proshippers fault when someone thinks pedophilia and incest is okay? I know many people who write and create that type of content will explicitly state that they're against it irl.

So, that's just a bunch of yapping... what's my actual thoughts on this?

In my opinion, while this person is very, very brave for sharing their story, and I can only hope that they've managed to recover from everything that happened, I cannot help but disagree. A singular story is not going to convince many people that they're in the wrong, especially when the video was marketed as "advice" and the only thing said was "get help".

In the beginning, they said they didn't know they were a proshipper, which explains why they're even using the term proship in the first place! Proship is "don't like don't read" and being anti harassment. What they're discussing is comshipping, and not every comship is bad. It could literally just be mortal x immortal. Yup, that's a comship!

tldr: i was not convinced. this person was respectful, and I'm very glad, however I do not agree with this opinion. this video seems like it was made for antis rather than existing proshippers, as their advice was lackluster. I rate it a 4/10, and I am still a proshipper.

[halliescomut]

Love Sea Ep 3 watch along

Okay, but that little reminder text is a perfect example of showing you care without saying you care. 🥹

Okay but sometimes Mame is unexpectedly very deep and very good with words.

P'Vi confuses me. I do like the blunt honesty her and Rak have though. That's important in friends.

Mook is so absolutely adorable. If Vi makes her cry I will figure out how to kick the ass of a fictional character.

So it seems their dad did worse than just leave them based on that convo between Rak and his sister. (I think I remember discussion of that from where ppl were discussing the novel on Twitter, but I did make the decision to not try and read the novel first.)

I kinda wanna know where all of Mut's button-up shirts are from. I really like them.

Rak being all depressing and Mut and ....shoot I forgot his name again... going diving.

Mut(Fort really) is just so cuddle shaped.

On iQiYi the OST lyrics overlap with the actual captions and it's annoying as fuck

This fucking nosey ass 🤣🤣

The difference in aesthetics for their clothes here is so wild. I will say though that I like that there's wardrobe repetition. That's not always common in TV, and it really fucks with the believability. I know it's more common in Thai BL, but that's mostly bc so many involve ppl that wear a uniform of some sort (looking at you University BLs).

Interesting...very interesting. I talked.... somewhere... About how the social power dynamics at play here were dangerous because they were going into this whole thing without being honest (with themselves or each other) and it was going to have fallout.

I don't know if I'm surprised Mut took so long, or if maybe I expected him to take Rak's verbal abuse a little longer.....

A beautiful scene. It's a lovely bit of physical acting how Rak sort of melts into Mut.

I do think it's so funny how Mut always says he's so simple (and in some ways he is) but people seem to take it to mean not smart or clever, and he's very obviously both. I can't tell if he truly sees himself that way or if it's an attempt to have people underestimate him....maybe it's both.

Well now I'm just depressed. Thanks a lot Rak. But seriously, I do appreciate the clarification of the family dynamics. I'm also a bit surprised Rak is opening up so soon to Mut about this. Idk if it's because it's at the front of his mind, or if Mut's kind of easy acceptance of everything makes it seem easy...idk.

Ruh-ro raggy .... Rak thinks this is gonna be a failed experiment because he truly doesn't think real love exists, but I fear he will be wrong (this is a romance after all).

I'm curious about Mut's motivations though. I believe he believes in love. I also think he wants Rak to, or maybe just for Rak to have some peace? Idk. He's surprisingly hard to read. As much as I think he likes Rak (both as a person and a sex partner) I don't think he's fallen in love with him at this point.

While I do love a fake dating storyline ... I'm still on the fence about P'Vi.

I feel like Fort had to carry Peat for a long time for this scene. I bet his arms were killing him. (Though we've seen the gym pics, I know he's been working out.)

That's so cute.

Oh yeah...slow mo pushing the hair back. Very Baywatch

Are we doing more beach sexy time?

I Guess Not. We're back at the keyboard.

You're gonna sit here and tell me that's not a goddamn puppy in human form??? LIES!!

He's goddamn adorable. I'd want one for myself if I wasn't Ace and had any idea what to do with one other than feed it and take it for walks.

Peat's got nice hands 🥵...send tweet.

That was such a sharp poke. OMG 🤣🤣

Okay but this is practically a still from the PaiSky fanfic I wrote. Linked here.

Rak likes cuddles. Cute little bean.

Palm ....that's his name. I was thinking Pond earlier, which is close. And now he's being nosey again.

Mut's face when Palm waved back🤣🤣🤣 Like bitch I ain't waving at you

I do think it's sweet how determined Palm is to be a good wingman though.

I do appreciate the love bite front and center. But what are our thoughts on whether it's makeup or a 'practical effect'?

"A dog in rut more like." "Well then his owners is as well." 🤣🤣

Mut's nervous to take Rak to his home. Sweet, but legit if Rak were to judge him for his home I would vote for kicking him to the curb, no matter how much I like him.

Ahhhhh.....so Ja is VI's costar...okay. God I forget how fucking tall he is. Mans practically a redwood.

Is this like Wedding Plan, but make it straight???

I know that bunny purse is entirely impractical for the person I am, but it's so cute.

It really is weird people would be claiming boob job when I think Vi is a B cup on a good day.

Very impressive just fully ignoring the sexuality question Vi.

Mook, babes....you gave in way too fast.

"I'm not bi." I know a lie by omission when I see one. That statement does not equal that you are straight.

You are a damn liar Rak. This little visit has nothing to do with inspiration. You want to be nosey and learn more about Mut.

I like the environmentalism aspect woven into the show. It's good.

As if I couldn't hate your dad more Mut. Calm down Satan.

So we know why Mut left. But really how can someone make their living from nature but not care enough about it??

Okay exhibitionist Rak.

Idk why but there's something about Rak straddling Mut that just....

Well.....we can tick off the Fort's nipple obsession of on the bingo board.

And we're returning favors. Very egalitarian.

Two condoms....well. You certainly had plenty of energy there didn't you....

There's a couple wrappers on the floor, but those do look unopened.

Also vaguely off topic: while the sheets are not the Slutty Geometry Sheets™️, I think my sister has the same kind.

Hmmm....now this is a juicy conversation. Rak being so intentionally honest here telling Mut to ask him to stay. He's afraid to take the leap, but he wants to.

As a side note....I cannot tell you how much I love them showing Fort's physical 'imperfections'. The kind of farmer's tan he has going on, you can see the stretch marks on his upper arms. He's an absolutely gorgeous man, but so often that stuff gets filtered out, or covered in makeup. I love seeing it. We need this more.

OMG I'm crying.

This is important though. Rak needs to know that his answer will have consequences.

That was the right answer. (Though the shabby hole comment about his house was a bit much. I'm hoping that's more a translation issue.)

I suspect the country mouse shall go to the city in next week's episode.....

Awwww Rak in Mut's tank top. Cute.

I really thought Rak was bare-assed for a second pulling a Pete, but no, he's in khaki pants.

So cute and sweet 🥹🥹🥹. Also, I love the bed net. Malaria is no joke.

So next week are we looking at just an NDA or is that contract for like a full Sugar Baby position??

Also end credits change-up again. Now MutRak are walking together....symbolic.

Well that's all for this watch along. I don't think I'll have 4k words to say about it tomorrow, but we shall see.

[newlabournewromantics]

tbgb x panic! at the disco: comprehensive guide

from someone who's been a panic scholar since i was eleven and a tbgb scholar since i was fifteen (i know what im on about)

this is intended to be a positive and helpful informative etc post bc ive been seeing some terrible misinformation online about this specific crossover and I feel the need to correct it

ill list each album bar vlv and then list every song from that album which I believe is tbgb-applicable and newlab-applicable and give a/some particularly relevant lyrics ok lets go

most important ones r in red btw

afycso

only difference: "oh, we're still so young, desperate for attention, I aim to be your eyes, trophy boys, trophy wives"

london beckoned: the whole song?? literally like "slightly clever to just a certain extent" "make us it make us hip make us scene"

time to dance: was hesitant to include bc it is about a book but "give me envy give malice give me your attention" is so them (nothing else though)

i constantly thank god for esteban: "'cause I am a new wave gospel, sharp, and you'll be thy witness"

pretty. odd.

she's a handsome woman: ok to get this one you have to understand my own personal theory that this song is about a gay man coming to terms w his sexuality. trust me it works "wink, just don't put your teeth on me" etc

folkin around "you've never been so divine in accepting your defeat, and i've never been more scared to be alone." top ten panic songs ever btw

vices & virtues

let's kill tonight: "fate will play us out with a song of pure romance"

hurricane: "you and god both got the guns", "oh I'd confess, I'd confess in the room where i'm blessed, but he didn't come and speak to me or put my heart at ease", "fix me or conflict me, I'll take anything"

trade mistakes: "(don't) let me save you, hold this rope then I'll pull you in 'cause I am an anchor sinking.."

special note to say that the calendar isn't on here bc its literally explicitly unequivocally about mikey way and that's just the truth of the matter I can't twist it in my mind to be tbgb

nearly witches: "trembling hands play my heart like a drum but the beat's gotten lost in the show"

stall me: "a dark room in the wallflower garden of the party", "my moods are mercurial but I'm no mercury, don't hold your breath"

oh glory: "build myself a wall of unhappy highs and only my heart knows my head is lying"

I wanna be free: "everything seems to be estranged when you're alone"

turn off the lights: "turn on the charm for me tonight"

twtltrtd

vegas lights: "bored with looking good", "would you change it if you could?"

casual affair: "so the mess that we'll become leaves something to talk about"

far too young to die: don't even fucking want to talk about this one its the best song panic's ever released and its about tony blair and gordon brown can u imagine that full post coming soon xx

death of a bachelor

victorious: "all my friends we're glorious", "I'm like a scarf trick, it's all up the sleeve"

don't threaten me w a good time: ok I don't have any lyrics for this one I just want someone to do a tony blair edit to this song (tp if you're listening I'd support)

golden days: "the decades might've washed it out"

tgtbatd: look it almost has tbgb in the title

house of memories: this ones been tiktokified so im hesitant... "I wish I could believe you'd never ruined me"

pftw

none! crazy......

[star-on-a-beach]

Okay um. I really don't like doing this, like, ever

But

Tw for vent post, Bc idk, maybe it'll help if I talk about this where it'll be seen and not on a vent blog where I know no one sees it

So it's pretty obvious that pretty much everything right now is in kind of a shit state and I'm really at the end of my line trying to be optimistic about it. Presidential election, rp, guard, college, art, writing, all of this shit, even stuff I'm supposed to enjoy, makes me want to fucking shatter a rock because I don't want to do anything anymore other than scroll through social media on my phone which, I've probably developed an addiction, and of course that makes me feel even fucking worse bc I told myself I'd never get addicted and look at where I am now

So many things I'm unhappy with are really kind of tying back to me and I'm so angry at everything but especially myself now, but theres nothing I feel like I can do about it but try and break it all down I guess?

There's shit going on with color guard and, other than the friends I've made within it and the actual performances, I don't fucking enjoy it anymore because our coach is apparently super fucking shitty and a liar and unfair and argumentative and never sticks with the drill she writes and doesn't give us the resources to put it together correctly, WHEHN SHES LITERALLY OUR COACH AND THATS HER JOB, IVE TRIED SO HARD TO STAY KIND TO HER BUT WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME TALKING SHIT AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT A BAD PERSON SHE IS IM STARTING TO DO IT TOO AND I HATE IT

And then obviously there's the actual schoolwork that needs to get done, I thought I had not one, not two, but 3 FUCKING ESSAYS DUE ON THE 11TH, WHICH WERE ASSIGNED TO US ON WEDNESDAY, AND EACH HAD TO BE 700 WORDS LONG. Granted it doesn't actually have to be like that but teachers are talking about finals now and I'm going to have SO many essays for that and I have a whole debate too. I'm tired and sick of waking up at ridiculously different times for classes and not being able to have a goddamn nap bc I'm either working, procrastinating with the screens addiction again, or I don't have enough time because god knows I can't take power naps for SHIT, and I'm not fucking paying for coffee in this economy

I can't even relax how I normally want to because I'm so tired from everything, too. Writing big things for TAOCC or drawing feels like a chore, and then I feel obligated to draw others characters or I want to actually do so but I have no energy for it, and I can't get my art to look how I want it to perspective-wise, no matter how many tutorials I look at, and it never ends up the way I want and I haven't even finished TAOCCTOBER or Memoryquest, both of which I feel shitty for, because then they're both more things that I'm giving up on, and I give up on so much shit so easily unless I'm being pushed over and over and over and over, although rn I really wanna just say to hell with it and kill both of them entirely

And with taocc as a whole, I don't even know where to begin. I mentioned in my earlier post that I'm struggling to be assertive and actually say what I want with RP, which results in me feeling really unsatisfied with it a lot. I feel like people aren't interested in my characters and I need to be the one trying to build the characters' connections by asking questions, which. I love when other characters ask mine questions, because so much would be revealed if PEOPLE JUST ASKED. I know you guys don't mean it in this way but I feel like I'm trying to push all of this out, but I barely get anything back except for maybe one question or comment or smth, but it feels like the characters aren't interested in my characters' pasts, and that means the mods aren't either. Which, is really no fault of yours, whether you are or not, it's my fault because I can't bring myself to get off my high horse and actually say "hey, are you willing to have your characters ask about mine?" because I have the firm mentality of "if they wanted to, they would", and I'm trying to make other characters feel important while also craving mine to feel important, but the moment they do, I wonder if I'm taking the main-character roles too much and I need to even it out so I immediately divert the attention back to yours and feel shitty about it. Once again, this is no one's fault but mine, and this is partially why my relationship with my last rp partner, aka my ex bsf, ended, because I wasn't assertive enough and kept wondering if I was hogging the spotlight any time focus did switch to my characters which just isn't enjoyable for anyone. So I'm angry and terrified that these patterns which are repeating are going to lead to a similar outcome.

It isn't even just that though, I just really hate how I write as a whole rn. I used to be so poetic and good with words but now they read difficult unless I'm writing a great wall of text, and my characters aren't acting the way I want to, partially because I'm trying to morph them to get along more with other characters and diminish their flaws so they're liked by others, but it just takes away from who they were originally and I hate that as well. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the rp but for fucks sake I expect myself to be a better writer than this.... and I haven't even gotten around to fixing the fucked-up-with-a-side-of-cheddar timelines, which have been NAGGING at my mind for FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG, but once again, I don't even want to do anything anymore and I get mad bc the only things I wanna do are just self indulgent shit and like hell I'm asking for that from anyone (see, that's part of the problem, right there.)

I think the only thing I hate more than not being assertive with rp is the fact that I'm an adult among you all. Yes, being 18 now while the majority of you are minors is a massive fucking deal to me, and I'm realizing why exactly adults generally avoid friendships like this, because I'm constantly worried about being a good example to you all. I have to have the good advice, I have to be available, I have to be good with assertiveness and boundaries, hell part of the reason I try and avoid venting so much is because you all do not fucking need to have that burden. Every time I do something like this post I immediately think "these are kids and I'm an adult, it's kids trying to help an adult who should not be saying this stuff or laying this burden on them", as if I'm some kind of weirdo. I really try my damndest to not be one of those adults who dumps all their problems on adolescents in order to feel better about their own shitty life, I don't want to be the adult who their younger friends are comforting all the time and have that burden on them (yes, I am completely aware this post contradicts that, and yes, I am very ashamed but I feel Im at rock bottom and you guys deserve to know (but don't deserve the burden of it)). I don't feel like the example I want to be to you guys, I'm incredibly dense, and half the time, I feel like an oblivious idiot for the simplest fucking things in rp even when no one says anything that implies any of you guys think that. I get so annoyed as well, and that's another part I especially hate, it's that I get annoyed with the smallest things so damn easily, whether it's someone saying something random in call and breaking silence, or someone talking about a subject after we've moved on, or a rant that's gone on for a really long time. All of those are ridiculous things to be annoyed by, and I'm completely aware of that. I'm not proud of it whatsoever. It might also be the weather, but I'm so, so, so annoyed by so many tiny, insignificant things nowadays that it's ridiculous, and I've snapped on call a few times which I feel horrible about. I'm trying so hard to be a good, strong role model for all of you, because that's what you deserve and I want to be like that for you. But, both here and in real life, my own idiocy and density and emotions make me feel like I'm never going to escape being a dense, emotional, spacy child who keeps trying to catch up. And as an adult, I'm really, really, really upset that I feel like this because once again, you guys are the minors, not me. I'm not saying you guys should feel like that (I really hope not, no one should feel like that), but it feels even worse since I'm trying to be the adult for you guys to look up to, but I'm looking up to all of you instead. And then, even worse, I get jealous. Not of the bad shit you guys go through, but like. Insignificant things. Art styles, friends, activities, actually having your family around. I really hate myself for being jealous of that and always comparing and trying to match it since it's completely hypocritical of me otherwise.

I'm closing up this vent, but tw for some darker themes in the next paragraph

I'm really just kind of sick of life as a whole. I'm done being an adult, to hell with this, just let me be the younger friend again so I don't have to see myself as an old baby. I'm tired of all of this and the dark jokes I make, they're horrible, but they're becoming more common and I think about the content of them a lot. I'm so tired of this shit and feeling like this and I'm mad and ashamed that I'm making this post because of everything I said above. I'm so done with everything. To hell with this country, to hell with my future, to hell with drawing and writing and trying to put stuff out. At the time of writing this I'm crying, because I'm really really missing my dad. I want to hug him and be with him. I want my family overall to be okay. I want to feel happy and content with myself and my life like back in summer. I'm so sorry for having to say all this but it's the truth and, again, this is my last resort for trying to feel better because hell knows I don't have the initiative to make an appointment and talk to a therapist on campus. Ik this will go away later but ffs i don't know if I can wait until later.

Ok, heavy vent part is over

I've said a lot so I'm ending it here. If you choose to ignore this, that's fine. I'd appreciate some kind of acknowlegement, tbh, whether it's a like or a comment or something, or just a kind word (whatever you do, please don't just put *hug* and leave it at that, hugs dont really feel like they have much more meaning at this point). It feels ridiculous to ask you for comfort especially after kinda dumping all of this here for you guys to see but I might as well try ig. Idk, I'm gonna just try and not delete this out of shame.

I hope you all know that I love you guys so, so, so, so much. This community has brought me so much joy and leaving is the last thing I'd ever dream of unless I had to. I hope you guys don't mind me doing this too much. Logically Ik you probably don't but, really, none of what I just vented about is based in logic regardless.

Thank you for reading, whether it was skimming or fully reading it. Kind words are appreciated but obviously not forced and I love you guys so much. Goodnight ❤️

[georgieluz]

fuck professionalism and neutrality, i wanna hear alllllllll of your opinions!

okay, you've convinced me!

no, that didn't take much, bc i am, in fact, not professional or neutral at all! i am loud and annoying, so here we go!

musically, soar is my favourite. it just hits all the right spots for me and builds flawlessly. i just can't get enough of it and it really was a 'fall-in-love-at-first-listen' for me. i've had it on loop since the day it was released and there isn't a single section of the piece that i don't absolutely adore. i think it takes care of all its elements so well and transitions between sections beautifully. just truly 11/10, like i can't express how hard this score goes. blake neely truly outdid himself on this one. i have to mention how much i love the rest of the score for the show too, not just the main theme. i know that's not the topic of the poll, but i think he did a fantastic job and some of the scoring for the flight scenes genuinely raised my heart rate up high enough that my apple watch had to send me three warnings whilst i watched episode 5. but yeah, just a perfect score imo! and if i were being completely honest, in a very unbiased way, my outright favourite.

i do have a nostalgia bias for the band of brothers theme though, and i do think it's absolutely gorgeous and has a delicacy to it that the others don't. it gently prises open your rib cage and wraps its hand tenderly around your heart, squeezing just enough for a single tear drop to roll down your cheek. there's something inexplicably sad about it, but because of that tiny silver lining of hope that runs through every note as well, you can't quite pinpoint why you're sad. it's like you've had your memories erased, but you know you lost something more than just that, that something overwhelmingly sad happened to you, but you just don't know what. it builds so gently as well, and then finally, it soars just for a second right at the end, before landing us back down on the ground again ever so lightly.

so, those two are generally my two favourites, i would say, but as someone in the notes called out, i will admit that had i listened to both of them fresh for the first time today, i would feel more drawn to soar, because it's the kind of piece i really gravitate toward. whilst band of brothers is a show that i've held pretty dearly in my heart for about a decade now, so it has an element of familiarity, that comes from loving something for so long, helping it out.

someone else in the notes of the poll made a great point about gen kill's use of music (or lack of it) being a character in itself, and i thoroughly agree with them and think gen kill's handling of sound was spot on. it's whole thing is next-level-gritty-realism and it wouldn't have been as impactful, or successful, if they'd done it any other way when it came to sound design.

plus, ray providing the soundtrack is just top television!

honor is somber but also light in a way, so it doesn't overpower you too much, i prefer the beginning and middle sections, as the end builds into a more standard patriotic sounding piece (still beautiful but i find myself enjoying the earlier section much, much more). but yeah, it's still a favourite to listen to, i just don't tend to feel as drawn towards it as much as the other two.

i'll stop rambling now but i could go on all day about how much i love soar like i can't seem to shut up about it?

there's no right answer tbf like all these scores are great but soar kind of is the right answer really, for me at least.

– ask is in reference to this poll

[camphorror]

ok so hello people of tumblr. who wants to know what happened since i last regularly posted here????

i became friends with this girl at work i was loooowkey crushing on, we became too close way too quickly. she confided in me a month and a half into out friendship how she had a crush on a***d which caused her a sexuality crisis bc she was convinced she was gay until then. i felt weird but loved her too much to let something silly like this ruin the friendship. he started hanging out with us, i felt real fucking baaaaaad. life situations led me into telling a***d i liked him for ages. he said we're too good friends to ruin it, we're beyond that point! if i had said something earlier then maybe! then i found out he liked her!!! but he decided because of me he would stop talking to her!! i was living thru insanity bc of it. then me and him spent a month and a half being friends but also more than friends? but also "it's just good friends it's nothing romantic bc i said i don't feel the same i don't wanna ruin it you're one of the utmost important people in my life up there with my childhood friends blahblah" and we cuddled and hugged every time we met, texted every day after work until late at night, went thru a kissing/making out one evening after drinking a lot of alcohol drama. he initiated all of this!!! always!! i was in this weird grey area and thought everything is Fine because i know it's not a good idea

then almost a month ago he decided to ask her out! he didn't tell me in advance (despite the fact i told him if you ever choose to act about your feelings just say so). she did not tell me about it despite me being transparent with her all along, and despite telling me she thinks friendship is more important than all of this. so this went on for a week and a half, without me being told, whilst i was feeling weird asf and convincing myself i'm going crazy because of my anxiety bc everything was Normal. and then i found out thursday march 28th (haha a month ago exactly.. what a coincidence) because we were together and he said he can't wait for a "right time" like she wanted to. all of life collapsed from the feeling of betrayal from and anger at both of them. first i hated her, now i realised i hate him because he was at fault for all this messed up shit and took zero responsibility the one time we talked. i gave 2 of them chances to talk as some closure and we haven't spoken since. i truly hate him and think he's a shit person.

took a whole week off work after that first happened. was depressed at home. one day i decided to dress nicely and go meet my friend who just came back from abroad at the city of christ..... told her everything. then she took me to see a cool hostel i'd like bc it's in an ancient building. guy who works there studied with us but i didn't remember him lol. we talked & had wine then i got tipsy i overshared everything. he was the most charming and cute person i met.... (& a proper proper leftist too). we spent 3 hours there with him despite my friend wanting to kill me bc that WASN'T the plan. he was overly friendly, had a very interesting vibe.. esp abt the situation... then he told me how he's going abroad the next day and perhaps is gonna break up with his ldr gf... we sat together whilst my friend was in another room/on the side on her phone (I APOLOGISED PROFOUNDLY) and he even showed me pics of him from the gym... my biggest regret is when we left, had food with my friend and just got on the bus, he texted me on ig that i should come back to say bye again.. i didnt... then he came back from abroad last week and sort of said if i got the time i should come visit.. so of ci did lol but the Vibe was gone (as like... he didnt break up with the gf and therefore there was no vibe & i was fine with it lol). he asked me if i want him to teach me how to fight and i said yeah so besides updating him again on my woes we also literally fought with each other which was fucking fun. like he was properly teaching me what to do in a fight. i'm still feeling sore (that was 2 days ago) he is so cool and i wanna be his friend now that i am not cr*shing on him...

besides that life is still grim and i am going back to work in a day and gonna have to see those 2 people who ruined my life again aaaaand i know my mental health will take a dive. what do you even do when this shit happens

[lover-of-mine]

Your last post is funny bc just TODAY I watched that season finally. I’m literally 2 episodes into season 5 right now. As someone who just watched that for the first time (and hadn’t noticed it WAS the season finally when I started watching it) I was losing my goddamn MIND watching those episodes. Just constantly 😯😯😯. I began watching 911 when I started seeing posts circulating about Buck being bi. At the time I had no idea who he was other than the occasional gif set but it made me intrigued and I have been HOOKED. Literally trying to get through as many episodes as possible so I can watch the episodes live. Questions for you (since I have no one else to talk to about the show); when did you start watching? Have you had any predictions while watching the show that didn’t/ did come true? Like for me when I watched season 1 and Abby went to the fire department for the first time I SWORE up and down that her and Bobby were meant to be endgame (was clearly wrong lol). But also after Chris got stuck in the Tsunami I called it that something would happy to Harry later on (just a feeling that no one was safe lol, not even the kids). I’m just so curious to see what the fandom theories have been over time lol since I missed out on it!

Yeah, no, watching suspicion/survivors for the first time is WILD. Like, imma be honest and bit oversharing, I watched the show for the first time in a depressive episode, so I watched everything up to 5x10 in like, 6 days according to the posts I made on Tumblr about it, so I didn't realize theorize about anything, I was just hitting next episode like my life depended on it. But I didn't know anything about the show, like, at all, I had just watched 911 lone star in a weekend because it was on the tv and there were only like, 20 episodes of it out it at the time and a network in my country was just showing all of them on a loop, and I opened the Disney app fully intending to rewatch grey's anatomy, and 911 was the first show on my recommended to you list, and I had liked lone star enough, and was like sure why not. And I legit couldn't stop watching. All of this happened the week before 5x11 aired on the us, so 5x11 was the first episode I watched like "live" (the first episode I actually watched live was 5x16) but I watched it in the same week, I think I finished on a Tuesday? And the episode aired on Monday. I can't really give you any theories I have witnessed so far because they would be spoilers tho, but if you wanna come back once you catch up we can talk about some of the madness that goes around here. But I had the same thing happen to me, I didn't realize it was the season finale, and I didn't know anything about the show, so I had no idea what was happening, and I thought I had learned my lesson with the tsunami arc, because I watched 3x01 at like 3 am fully saying this is the last episode I will watch and then I'm gonna go to bed, and then the tsunami hit, and I was like well fuck and then Chris fell in the water and next thing I know is 5 am and Eddie is making me cry at the end there. But I saw the 13 and didn't realize the season only had 14 episodes and then everything kept happening. I seriously cannot imagine what it was like to be forced to wait a week between those 2 episodes it was SO CRAZY. When Eddie got shot I legit froze. Watching that for the first time not knowing it's coming is SOMETHING. I do remember thinking that they were gonna kill Shannon but I didn't expect to be right, I also remember clocking that Jason was Doug pretty fast. Something funny tho, I remember posting that meme that's like "I've had blank for 1 day and a half but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this room and myself" with Buck and I waited until I had been watching for a day and a half, that means I posted it while watching the season 2 finale. I hit post and the truck blew up and I legit went like ????????? and that is still the most ironic thing that ever happened to me while posting about 911 kspskspkspakapkapa (here's the post, I actually came back to edit the tags because I was in shock lol) and I laugh every time I remember that lol but I'm glad you're enjoying the show, you can come back to talk to me about it any time!;

[yuukei-yikes]

i was thinking abt how ayano and shintaro r the only two characters who ever die by suicide (shintaro is only in some routes but STILL.) and like how that's a way of showing that they had the potential to understand each other (bc in my opinion they r actually very similar) but not until either of them were dead. idk does this make sense? i just thought of this today so this thought isnt very refined yet i need to think abt it more

they ARE similar!!!!! i totally agree. shintaro and ayano are totally similar people. they're both Justice Seekers but are so depressed and have such horrible self worth they can't actually be proactive about things. but then they are :3

i wish we got ayano pov from hs and why she liked shintaro. I've always thought ayano's crush on him is...cute!!! because she's literally going thru the horrors, her mom died, her dad is being Strange, and she has to take care of the house and her siblings all alone PLUS later learning of all the horrible stuff about the daze and clearing. and yet. she's also a normal hs girl who has a silly crush on her classmate. not that we ever saw it but i definitely think ayano got to see at least once the shintaro we see who fights for good and doesn't let fear get to him like when he yells at the fucking terrorists or acts all cool when they face clearing in the novels. i think ayano got to see shintaro being Heroic or whatever and she was like THIS is the kind of guy we need to be recruiting in the mekakushi dan🔥🔥🔥 like seriously im delusional abt this but i think there should be a shinaya backstory abt this.

man i wish we saw more hs shinaya😭😭😭😭😭 im so mad that they only ever show shintaro being a fucking asshole lord in hs like im not rooting for you bitch FAST FORWARD NOW but the fact ayano knows shintaro likes music and shoujo manga etcetc its clear ayano and shintaro had normal ass conversations all the time. SHOW THEM TO MEEEEEE whatever. i dont even care <- cares

anyways i just wanted to say i think ayano does Kind of understand shintaro. i also wish we saw ayano think of shintaro in the entire conjecture with clearing eyes killing haruka and takane and her sacrificing herself for them and the mekatrio. Go listen to full disclosure from steven universe and you will understand my ayano vision for this. sorry that was weird. i think ayano wanted to keep shintaro as uninvolved as possible, haruka and takane were inevitably already in it. she just wanted to make sure to take them Out of it but shintaro.. i think ayano always had the feeling shintaro would get involved. i think ayano gravitates towards shintaro because she needed help and she needed a hero and deep down she knew this was him. but she never manages to properly reach out or even understand it i guess. but i think ayano did understand shintaro maybe even more he understood himself. on the other hand shintaro DID NOT understand ayano AT ALL but like you said, he could have. who knows how things had gone if shintaro had walked in when he saw ayano crying in the classroom!!! imagine ayano managing to pour her heart out and tell him what's gonna happen to their friends and her family. he would've helped. shintaro would've done something. but ayano wouldn't want him to bc he would get hurt but at the same time she WOULD want him to because she's so scared and alone and desperate for help *holds head *

also i always make myself insane abt shintaro and ayano being depressed legends who wanna die. while haruka and takane struggle with health problems and want to Live So Badly. sorry for bringing up harutaka Hi its me tumblr user yuukei yikes vinnie i will ALWAYS make it about harutaka. i just wanted to say that. shinaya who wanna die and tragedy arises from never meeting in the middle and not being able to understand each other vs harutaka who wanna live more than anything and tragedy arises from being forcibly separated.

ayano's words to takane when she's projecting so hard. there are times you want to tell someone something but you wind up being too late. ayano was never gonna say anything to shintaro because she didnt Want to. she knew what she was going to the roof for. while takane immediately makes a run for it to say something to haruka, she is just too late and has no control over her fate. whatever im normal!

[goose-duck]

Mandela catalog texting 🍜

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: u dyed ur hair again?

💙Jonah: yes

💜Adam: looks ugly

💙Jonah: ur face

💜Adam: what.

💙Jonah: is surprisingly pretty

💜Adam: why'd you compliment me, I just insulted you, are you stupid?

💙Jonah: keep going, I'm enjoying this

💜Adam: freak

~~~~~~

💜Adam: wanna ask if we can go to the library?

💙Jonah: u can ask, u gotta bring ur paper up anyway

💜Adam: Nah

💜Adam: just stay here

💜Adam: what's wrong

💜Adam: did you want something from the service trade people

💜Adam: I have money

💜Adam: I kinda owe you anyway

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: I'm sorry 😭

💙Jonah: I hate to leave man

💙Jonah: *picture didn't send*

💙Jonah: what a bitch

💜Adam: I can't see the picture you sent me

💜Adam: I learned a new spell in DND and fucked shit up

💙Jonah: oh sorry

💙Jonah: that's cool :)

💜Adam: It was fun, I accidentally almost killed Evelin and the guy that sits beside Evelin bc I didn't know how big the attack was and blew up a room

💙Jonah: Jesus

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: hi

💜Adam: hello

💙Jonah: hiiiiiii

💙Jonah: So what all did we have to do in English

💜Adam: Read the thingy online then pick a few questions and answer them, write a paragraph for each question you picked and you need at least 300 words

💙Jonah: oh okay

💜Adam: Should be called "my father tried to kill me with a crocodile" or alligator, I don't know my reptiles

💙Jonah: ok

💙Jonah: I got it

~~~~~~

✨Evelin and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

🌷Evelin: I broke up with him, but we agreed to still be friends bc he does great as a friend just not as a boyfriend

🌺Sarah: Fr?

🌺Sarah: like, you actually ended it?

🌷Evelin: Yeah, let me quote myself, "I wanna be ur friend, not ur girlfriend"

🌷Evelin: And he was like "okay, I think that'll be a bit awkward, but we can do that"

🌺Sarah: u guys might get back together tho

🌺Sarah: i think just a break

🌷Evelin: Nevermind, he doesn't even wanna be friends

🌺Sarah: talking stage

🌺Sarah: type of thing

🌺Sarah: well

🌺Sarah: you still have me and Dave

🌷Evelin: He told me not to talk to him and I told him I'll give him his sweater on Monday and I won't talk to him anymore

🌷Evelin: drama queen much

���Evelin: is that mean?

🌺Sarah: wtf

🌷Evelin: maybe

🌺Sarah: nah

🌷Evelin: he can just sit with other Adam

🌷Evelin: they're friends

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: or with Jonah

🌺Sarah: I like my answer better

🌷Evelin: he'd die if he had to sit with Jonah

🌷Evelin: it'd be kinda funny

🌺Sarah: exactly

🌷Evelin: I can't believe he said "don't talk to me" as if he listens to me when I talk to him anyway lol

🌺Sarah: Bro 💀

🌷Evelin: And now he's begging me for a second chance 😭

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: that would be more awkward

🌷Evelin: he's just very interesting

🌺Sarah: ur gonna get back with him

🌺Sarah: just give it a week

🌷Evelin: no we are not

🌺Sarah: ok

🌷Evelin: with the way he's being rn I'd rather just not talk to him

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: me too

🌷Evelin: My mother's like "aw why, he wanted to have a job that made a lot of money" and it was funny

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: lol

🌷Evelin: I swear she only likes the ppl I'm with if they have money or plan to do something that will make a lot of money 😭

🌷Evelin: She's shallow, she married dad bc he was making a bunch of money at the time lol

🌺Sarah: honestly I don't blame her

🌺Sarah: I would too

🌷Evelin: I agree with her, but, like, damn

🌺Sarah: easy way of living life

🌷Evelin: true

🌷Evelin: He's still going so I was like "but being friends is :("And he was like "and dating me wasn't fun"And I was like "no"

🌺Sarah: damn

🌺Sarah: bold

🌺Sarah: ur right tho

🌺Sarah: He never acted like a boyfriend in front of others therefore that's why Jonah thought me and you were dating

🌺Sarah: little does he know I'm dating someone else

🌷Evelin: ahahahha

🌺Sarah: you should tell him that

🌷Evelin: he just doesn't boyfriend the way you do

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam ✨

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: my mother is arguing with me abt school

💙Jonah: so mean

💜Adam: why

💙Jonah: bc she's mean

💙Jonah: I dunno

💙Jonah: I think she just wants to argue

💙Jonah: such are mothers

💜Adam: makes sense

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: you been talking to Eve?

💜Adam: yeah

💙Jonah: what happened?

💜Adam: I still don't know what she's got going on

💜Adam: kinda just ignoring her rn

💙Jonah: ohh ok

~~~~~~

✨Ruth and Thatcher✨

~~~~~~

🤍Thatcher: I'm thinking abt dying my hair fr, so, I'm taking suggestions for what colour/colours

🤍Thatcher: Like, I'm gonna probably do it later tonight or tmr

🌻Ruth: dark blue

🤍Thatcher: okay :]

🌻Ruth: half blue half black

🌻Ruth: or purple and black

🌻Ruth: blue and purple

🌻Ruth: something with blue or purple

🤍Thatcher: those are Dave's favorite colours :0

🤍Thatcher: haha

🌻Ruth: actually? Never knew that

🤍Thatcher: I have blue, I'd just have to buy purple

~~~~~~

✨Mark and Cesar✨

~~~~~~

🍓Mark: *picture of their mark on their final project (team project)*

🍄Cesar: woohoo

🍄Cesar: 95%

🍓Mark: yeah

🍄Cesar: we're awesome

🍓Mark: I thought the interview was alright though, probably my fault

🍓Mark: you are

🍓Mark: I sucked ass

🍄Cesar: U were fine, but u could tell u weren't completely sure what u were talking about sometimes

🍓Mark: Exactly

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: you probably still would have maybe not me

🍓Mark: but I'm proud of you

🍓Mark: I wasn't sure abt anything I'm gonna be honest

🍄Cesar: Well, it was more fun bc we worked together, it wouldn't have been the same without u :]

🍓Mark: thank u

🍓Mark: I feel special for once

🍄Cesar: No need to thank me, it's just how I feel :>U pretty much motivated me to get shit done with it hence why I'd get so pissy when things weren't getting done, bc I don't care for my own grades but knowing ur grade could have been bad bc of me it made me actually want to work on it

🍄Cesar: Also, give urself some credit, u did ask Mrs. Buckle the questions, I probably wouldn't have bothered

🍓Mark: I have an 83 in that class, I wasn't worrying much about it, just wanted to get a decent mark out of it. I care about your marks because you're my friend and I wanna graduate all together

🍓Mark: I have patience with you, I don't with most people. Sometimes I lose it but at times I can't take it yk

🍓Mark: I could've worked on it sooner instead of last minute though

🍓Mark: But thank you for doing it for me, you did it for yourself.

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: love youuu

🍄Cesar: love u toooo

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: fuck you

🌺Sarah: I though u were being the bigger person and ending the conversation

~~~~~~

💜Adam: I can do the showcase tomorrow btw, unless you're still mad and don't want me there. Then ig you can do it

🌺Sarah: I'm not doing it alone, u better be there

🌺Sarah: My throat hurts to much to speak so if u can be there that'd be great

💜Adam: I'll be there. Are you and eve still mad

🌺Sarah: If ur over it we're over it

💜Adam: I'm over it, I should apologize to Evelin. Im sorry for Thursday with the Jonah thing and for the dance. I just needed Eve at the time and I'm sorry

🌺Sarah: whatever you say.

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Jonah ✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: hey

💜Adam: you there

💙Jonah: hi

💙Jonah: bus

💙Jonah: on it

💙Jonah: soon

💙Jonah: getting on it

💜Adam: ok

💜Adam: I have a lock with a

💜Adam: key

💙Jonah: okay.

~~~~~~

[calronhunt]

didnt want to be extra annoying and ask this on your art blog so ill settle for just being annoying.. was anything in wac inspired by the life series? like designs or well, anything! discovered ur stuff on youtube and went ooooh and then snooped through all the art i could find and was repeatedly reminded of the sillies that occupy my brain. sorry 2 be weird! ik its the worst question to be asked sorry but its hurting my brain wondering and not knowing

Aw shit ya caught me. I was gonna reveal this fact much later down the line bc ive been kinda open that WAC started out as an AU just not for what. Primarily the reason for secrecy is bc i don't want people to look at this story i put a lot of myself and my experience into and go "I can't believe you tricked me into reading about minecraft men" bc the story has expanded a lot past these intial inspirations.

So before i go into all the inspirations, I wanna make this perfectly clear. WAC's plot is almost completely original, baring some small scenes inspired by events in the Life series and the basic set up. It's a three act story that is mostly about me and my partners problems regarding abuse and personhood. The Life Series au was a starting point and it kinda spiraled out from that lollll.

(Also I saw your other ask and it doesn't bother me at all! Its been something ive wanted to talk about anyway simply bc i find the inspirations funny. Plus I promised myself if someone realized and asked I would talk about it. Also i just love talking about inspiration and seeing how you got from one thing to the next, maybe others would like the same.)

1. "Why are they cats?" This started as an au once again but i felt too embarrassed talking about it publicly as a mcyt au so I gave them cat designs. That's the only reason lol

Lain - Inspired primarily by 3rd life and lim life martyn in regards to both his devotion to the king (ren) and mariner (scott). Lain and Mariner originally started as Majorwood shipping cats but then became more about their unhealthy power dynamics and two people being stuck together it spiraled into what we have now! Especially since I believe Martyn killed Jimmy (Canary) in 3rd life? Or at least scott accuses him as such so that's where that came from.

Mariner - 3rd/lim life scott! His obsession with the sea, his name, his relationship to Canary, his ties to Lain, and his design is pulled from scott. That's about all that's similar now though. His personality is completely different. Hes a shitty fuckinh dude.

Canary - 3rd life Jimmy Solidarity but like fucking barely and just bc hes married to mariner (flower husbands). Took his name from the fandom calling him a canary because he always dies first and that's basically it. Also worked with the bird name theme i was starting to go with

The King - 3rd life ren but again fucking BARELY except for his relationship with Lain and being a king and trying to conquer shit. That's like. It.

Condor - he's just mr good times with scar. Hes like, the closest to his mcyt counterpart probably and im not even sorry. Took primarily from 3rd life and lim life once again though in regards to his relationship with Crane (Cleo), Warbler (bdubs), and Scout (Etho) (and also the fact the group is called the flock is a cheeky callback to the family being called the clockers)

Crane - stated above, Cleo, but only bc shes mom in the clockers family. Nothing else.

Warbler - limlife bdubs but again fucking BARELY. I think the bdubs skin is the most i drew on for her design with the fucked up eye and teeth.

Grouse - mr 3rd life grian. Dating condor because desert duo and feeling indebted to him for that as well. And just. Generally little guy vibes.

Scout - etho. Just for chill vibes. Dating Crabe because hes "dad" in lim life and dating Wolf (Joel) bc of double life halfslab.

Wolf - Primarily last life joel with the living alone in the woods thing and joel just being a like. Maniac in the life series with the murders and such. Dating scout again bc of double life. The her having canary's skull thing is just for my friend who is a big fucked up smallidarity shipper.

Sycamore, coal, and aster are original characters i made specifically for the story.

I would again like to state that the story is BARELY tied to things that happen in the life series, and its mostly my personal experiences and silly thoughts. The silly minecraft men were just the jumping off point and all of their arcs are original so there ya go <3

[wanderingblindly]

how about that race though?!

tasmania au anon here (can i call myself that? i feel like ive just walked in and kicked someone off that throne but like ill give it back if anyone asks) to say i've devoured all the content and i am genuinely vibrating with excitement your fics are always Magnificent im so excited this fic will singlehandedly be carrying me through to the end of the year

((also btw seeing you in the tags saying you hate posting one chapter at a time Killed me bc i lovee reading fics that get slowly updated but that's neither here nor there bc you're in charge and i love you and i hope you got lots of writing done before The Race))

Welcome to the family tasmania anon!!! objectively hilarious name, and I can't tell if it would be better if you were australian or not lmfaoooooooooooo

I'm. At a loss for words. Jesus fuck thank you?? It's surreal to know that anyone reads the shit I put out, let alone finds it Magnificent. I'm going to go burrow in my bed and keep cranking out these fucking words!!!!!!!

(((I'll be honest i'm just anxious. But once I finish chapter 2, I will be Assessing when I wanna post chapter 1. Perhaps after the triple header? tbd))))

[incorrectskyrimquotes]

you are officially the strongest person alive for not just closing the askbox after some of the trash you've gotten from idiots on this site. gdspeed and good luck holy hell

I've received a lot of asks like this one so I wanna respond and clarify

I actually love getting asks and even anon asks. I prefer having anon on bc yk big boy blog and all that but also so that people can send me their silliest things.

I really do truly genuinely enjoy having this blog and especially interacting w it. I've made a lot of friends recently and it's just fun to be able to talk ab the cringe failgame from a decade ago. Both for myself and in front of such a large audience.

Ever since I became aware I'm literally in the top 10 on skyrim blogs (at #9 but still) some of my anons started making a lot more sense. The power of anonymity makes people braver, which is good for things like funny headcanons and such.

I don't really like having to turn anon off and god I hope I don't have to shut asks off entirely. Fortunately once I turned anon off my inbox became a lot more peaceful. Funny that.

If I were to compare the two I'm sure I've gotten much more love than hate, but hate is much louder than love. And I know me giving it attention doesn't help much of anything but on the other hand people can and do throw around serious words about an unserious video game on unserious posts from an unserious person.

Even if I ignored all of it, just having to see it can feel so draining. And it isn't just in my inbox. It's also in the tags. I've repeatedly tried to express how deeply uncomfortable I am, AS A JEWISH PERSON OF COLOR, with people throwing words like racist and genocide around all willy nilly over video game characters.

It trivializes those real world issues, that have affected me, my ancestors, and people like me, down to fucking. Skyrim discourse. It's extremely frustrating. And from what I can see I don't think anyone is doing it maliciously or to get a rise out of me. But I think the sheer weight of those words has gotten lost.

And not to pull another race card, but this is especially upsetting from white people. I'm not thrilled about the fact white people keep talking over me and other people of color in the fandom about what is and isn't racist.

But I do also see the love. I see the cats in my inbox and the lovely asks and people writing paragraphs to defend me (when tbh I haven't done anything wrong anyways but. Eh.) and it's genuinely very touching and sweet and even if I don't reply to it (there's a lot to reply to!) I do see it and I appreciate it.

And for the poll, I fully plan on seeing it through. Round 2 closes tomorrow after which I'll set up round 3/the semi finals and then we go to the championship!

I started this poll, also this blog, for fun. I want people to have fun. I want to have fun. And most of the time I do have fun! But with the uptick in activity that brings *gestures vaguely* what it does.

Tumblr is one of those very few websites with true anonymity. This and reddit are the only ones I can think of where it's not expected to have your name, face, or other info about you anywhere. Which is a rare blessing on today's internet but it makes people very audacious about what they can and can't say to me.

I think because of that anonymity it's easy to forget I'm a human person. I very much doubt some of things I've had said to me in the last 48 hours would still be said if it was face to face. I truly don't think someone would look me in the eye and tell me to kill myself over skyrim bullshit.

And the funny part of that is if they did, I'd probably laugh in real life. For the sheer ridiculousness of the statement. "Hey. You. End your life because of video game drama" spoken to me at the local Target would be funny to me. But with the anonymity it feels just as hurtful as I'm sure it's supposed to be.

Thanks for letting me ramble and such. I'm not really even sure what I'm trying to say with all this. Other than I'm human, you're human, we're all humans, and we'd do well to remember that. Please just be nice to each other..

And be nice to me.

[imaginarianisms]

i just wanted to say that this kinda leadership was also extremely common in precolonization americas, like, most of the time, chiefs were elected & chosen by the people, it usually wasn't hereditary tho that depends on nation to nation, bc nations like the haida in the pacific northwest coast, for example, had hereditary chiefs, while the nahua, maya, muisca & inca had empires while in one of my nations, the huron-wendat, the chieftain was a man but he was only voted for among women & they had the ability to chase him off or remove him if he wasn't doing his duties or he was a weak leader & only the clanmothers could decide when to go to war & who to go to war with. it all greatly varied from nation to nation bc none of us are a monolith.

slavery was also practiced among several - though not all - nations precolonization, notably the haida & tlingit peoples & many peoples of the pacific northwest coast, the maya & aztec (who're known as nahua) took captives to use as sacrificial victims in their temples, the iroquoian peoples waged mourning wars on their neighbors to avenge & replace their dead, the comanche of texas, the creek of georgia & fishing societies like the yurok who lived from alaska to california, the pawnee & klamath. haida & tlingit tho were notorious for it, traditionally known as fierce warriors & slavetraders from the southeastern alaskan coast who raided as far as california. native groups along the pacific northwest coast finalized elite marriages by exchanging enslaved people & so on, & slavery was hereditary after they were taken as prisoners of war & among some pacific northwest tribes a quarter of the population were slaves & some were killed during potlatches, which were basically traditional giftgiving feasts for the pnw nations, while in other nations captives were eventually adopted into the tribe. i just wanna make that clear bc i don't like whitewashing history as an indigenous person myself & i personally interpret the first men as indigenous peoples of the americas & to a lesser extent other indigenous peoples that i'm drawing comparisons between the two here as you can see but the north strictly is against slavery.

so i have no idea if there was an official law or anything like that & i certainly can't speak for every single nation in the americas ever, i Do know from what elders taught me & what i've read is that welcoming guests & treating them with respect was super important back in the old days & you Do Not treat your guests disrespectfully Ever. something like the red wedding would not be taken well at all whatsoever rippppppp.

giants & peoples similar to the children of the forest & the woods walkers as well as the others are already in many of our traditional stories, notably with stories of actual giants, little people such as the pukwudgies / mikumwess who're basically our fair folk / fae & the w/ndig/ag & their variants, a name that i'm forbidden to speak or type out due to protocol, which is why i'll be referring to them simply as ice cannibals.

giants in indigenous folklore are usually described as being ranging between twice as tall as humans to 20-30/40-60 feet tall, large enough to throw humans into a sack or burden basket the way a human hunter would do with rabbits & in a few cases giants are described as being even more immense, being the size of the tallest pine trees (which works out to 150-200 feet) and catching whales the way humans catch fish, with some traditions their bodies are covered in rock-hard scales that repel all normal weapons & protects them from fire & cold. which is uh. fucking terrifying lmao.

pukwudgies & mikumwess & other variants (same people, different names) among other magical little people of the forest were all over turtle island, they're like sprites, dwarves, gnomes or fairies, said to be about as tall as a man's waist, knee-high, if not even smaller than that, only as tall as about a three year old child, having narrow faces, but are as swift as lightning, strong & sound like birds when talking to each other, dressing light going barefoot & smoking pipes, living in the woods, writing on stone, eating meat, berries & fish, & they like to sing, dance & play, but they're strong & can take you down no matter how big you are. they're generally benevolent forest spirits but could be capricious & dangerous whenever disrespected. they have formidable magical powers but are benign creatures who do not generally harm humans, though sometimes they play mischievous lighthearted & annoying but harmless & usually not dangerous or destructive tricks on people like rearranging things, tying knots in hair & clothes or putting clothes on backwards & singing & then hiding when an inquisitive person searched for the music but may perform bad tricks around the house & barn, capsize canoes, tear fishing nets, steal shiny things, steal children, commit deadly acts of sabotage, destroy the property of disrespectful people or curse them. they're known to live in mountain caves, rocky places in the woods, sandy hills or by a rocky riverbank. when clay or silt deposits along a riverbank resemble people or animals, that's said to be sculptures made by them & bring good luck to those who find it, rocks by the side of a river with geometric markings on them are considered to mark the home of a family & best left undisturbed. they're said to own a pot which can transform a few kernels of maize into a huge quantity & when sailing, traveled in a group of 5-7 per canoe. seeing one supposedly foretells a death by drowning. they're small, sometimes said to be 2 to 3 feet tall, but do big work. in one of my nations, abenaki folklore, they're said to come from the bark of an ash tree. they live & dress like the old-time indigenous peoples of the land they're on & speak the indigenous language of that land, having small arms & legs & sometimes big bodies like bullfrogs. some are said to foretell the future. they are friendly to people & sometimes help with household chores if gifts and/or candy & sugar are left for them or kindness is shown to their children, & giving a man furs or warning them of coming evil or of a coming attack, or harm & when seen by an adult human, beg them not to say anything of their existence & would reward those who kept their word by coming to the aid of a person or people or their families in need & help them out in times of need, should they ever ask for it. it was often said that they love children & would take them away from bad or abusive parents or if the child was without parents and abandoned or left in the woods to fend for themselves to raise the child as their own. the name "pukwudgie" literally means "person of the wilderness" & in some traditions have a sweet smell & are often associated with flowers. sometimes they're known to turn invisible & appear & disappear at will, increase & decrease body size at will, shapeshift into many different animals like cougars or other dangerous animals, confuse people, make them forget things, lure people to their deaths, bring harm to people by staring directly at them, use magic, launch poison arrows & create fire. some believe that pukwudgies in particular were once friendly to humans, but then turned against them & are best left alone, & according to lore, a person who annoyed a pukwudgie, would be subject to nasty tricks by it, or subject to being followed by the pukwudgie, who would cause trouble for them; they were known to kidnap people, push them off cliffs, attack their victims with short knives & spears, & to use sand to blind their victims. they're uh. smth else.

ice cannibals, on the other hand, are usually those who either was possessed by evil spirits & corrupted by dark magic or committed a terrible sin or crime (especially selfishness, gluttony, cannibalism or withholding food from a starving person without feeling remorse, as it was considered more honorable to either starve or commit suicide rather than turning to famine cannibalism) & ended up turning into one as punishment, causing its heart to turn into ice & cursed to eat human flesh, causing them to only ever feel hunger as that's all they're able to feel & their hearts turn to ice. they grow bigger the hungrier & angrier they get, often towering over the tallest trees, possessing sharp fangs that stand out due to having chewed their own lips off & become excruciatingly emaciated forcing them to live in the snow & rarely you could find two of these creatures fighting each other, which if this happened, one should put something over their ears to avoid hearing the roars since their cries were dangerous & their scream would kill anyone who hears it. according to one of my nations, the a.benaki, legend has it they inhabited the forests & woodlands of the area in ancient times eating the souls of others for sustenance & strength because they had no souls. in one of my other nations, in m.i'kmaw legend, it's usually required that you kill them more than once & even after it's dead, people will avoid the spot where it died. they're described as huge, gigantic, tall, monstrous & made up of or coated in ice, & in some its said that looking directly at an ice cannibal will leave a person paralyzed against it but the human it once was is still frozen inside the monster where its heart should be, and must be killed to defeat the ice cannibal, (in a few legends, a human can be successfully rescued from its frozen heart either by tricking them into eating salt, chopping up their bodies into multiple pieces, or forcing them to eat so much it.. yknow.. yeah, or in one legend, a girl tricked one into believing it was her grandfather & allowed it to do things for her & her brothers, until it got into a sweatlodge & it melted & it coughed up the last bit of its icy heart & it was then chopped to bits with a hatchet & an old man came from it so the girl's kindness quite literally melted its heart, while in other stories, when a woman rejected a man's advances, this caused the man to seek revenge & turned her into one out of vengeance & scorned pride which had her force her family to fire seven arrows into her heart to end the curse) but that's very rare, so usually, once a person has been possessed by its spirit, the only escape is death & the monster can only be permanently killed if its heart made of ice is completely melted. they were malevolent, cannibalistic supernatural beings of great spiritual power, strongly associated with the winter, the north & coldness as well as the omnipresent danger of famine & starvation (& recently, a metaphor for gluttonous, aggressive or murderous individuals who threaten communal wellbeing & as well as colonization & genocide).

[memberment]

Genesis

12:06 oh my god I have once again woken up too early and this time it was not on purpose.

TRYING to speed run some of this pre-work. Updates later but GOOD MORNING

9:12 I am back and working on two chapters at the same time. BECAUSE I NEED TO CONCEPT A DAMN ANGEL FOR HEIDI AND KENNY TO FIGHT. I CONCEPTED ONE AT WORK BUT THEY CAN'T FIGHT THIS ONE LMFAO

Also I need a flashback for Kyle so I'm literally just playing procrastinator olympics as I pingpong between two chapters. I might work on Bound for a bit tonight though, ngl. Because I am 21 chapters completed deep and 71.9k words in on this and Bound has THREE CHAPTERS READY AND BOUND HAS INTERMISSION CHAPTERS SO TECHNICALLY TWO LIKE. I WANT THE OPTION TO NOT WRITE WHEN MY SEMESTER STARTS!!!! (It's not like I'd even follow that but STILL.)

Also next line up is prob not gonna have a fic for every day, much to my own disappointment. Because school literally starts in FOURTEEN DAYS. and I only have four things ready to go. And I am determined to finish Genesis before my semester starts. Like I'm definitely gonna take a solid break from this series before I start Revelation, because that is going to be A LOT. (I do not think I will be taking much of a break between Revelation and Karma though, ngl. Bc each part starts, like, immediately after the previous one, but I KNOW how Revelation ends and Karma starts already and it has me LOSING MY SHIT. LIKE THE ENDING OF FUCKING REVELATION IS INSANEEEEEEE. And I hope not a soul sees it coming despite it being RIGHT THERE.)

I am sad though because I did want to start on Princess of Fire and get to a point where regular posts can pull up on that because I genuinely really like the concept and like, fine, I'm getting better at writing (and it is SOT and I do not wanna post a shit SOT fic on Wintergrew's internet) as I go so maybe holding off isn't a huge deal BUT I WANT Y'ALL TO FUCKING SEE THE VISION‼️‼️‼️

I honestly wish I could livestream my brain does that make sense LMFAO

2:24: Tears just rolled down my cheeks at the realization that we have not had one goddamn (exclusively) Bebe centric chapter and I am trying to write chapter 24. OH MY GOD. I can't even give her a full filler chapter because I wan't my filler to be like LIGHT HEARTED AND FUN. I CAN'T JUST STRETCH OUT LIKE 3K WORDS OF HER JUST EXISTING IN THE MIDDLE OF ANY OF THIS. LIKE WE ARE TEN CHAPTERS DEEP INTO THE WORSE SHIT. OH MY GOD I HATE IT HERE. Like I actually was just scrolling through the chapter titles and was like 'oh we have Stan! We have Craig! We have duhduhduhduhduh.' AND I GOT TO THE BEGINNING AND THERE IS NO FUCKING BEBE CHAPTER?????? WHAT THE FUCK! (I literally did this with Butters in Dandelion and had the same reaction why is it that all of my favorite fucking characters I do this to???? HOW. Like, we get more of her in Revelations but WHAT! THE! FUCK!)

So yeah, 24 is gonna be Bebe, despite me kinda wanting it to be Tam or Wendy.

Also I'm reading 'You're Not Mine Anymore' AGAIN (because even though I said I hated it, that chapter has literally embedded itself in my brain. Like, it's so fucking disturbing and so sad and I actually wanna throw myself out my window every time I think about it LMFAO)

2:55 I changed one sentence in this chapter and now I'm actually gonna sob. I hate it here.

4:30 I got distracted and watched tik toks since my last update, specifically spending like an entire ten minutes absolutely geeking over the 1970's gymnastics olympics and I am now back at my keyboard. I got a very specific bit of inspiration and it is fucking TERRIFYING.

Anyways. RIP Craig. Like seriously, dude is going THROUGH IT. This is what I get for ignoring him for like a week and a half (two weeks? ish. I'm settling on ish, here. A VAGUE, BUT NOT VERY LONG AMOUNT OF TIME) of their time when he is actively losing his shit.

I think killing him and Tweek off at this point is more of a mercy killing than anything on my part why did I do this to them I am so sad. AND THE FACT THAT THEIR DEATHS IS WHAT THIS WHOLE FIC GOT CONCEPTED AROUND IS FUCKING INSANE. LIKE I WROTE THEIR DEATH SCENE AND WAS LIKE WELP GOTTA WRITE A MAGICAL GIRL FIC.

And now I'm slowly but surely on my way to that chapter and annotating and writing in bits and pieces of THAT chapter and I'm like wow. Wow oh wow. Might need a hallucinations tag. Hypothetically, of course. But also hypothetically, would the hallucinations tag apply to this if said hallucinations are questionably real? Hypothetically. Anyways, when Fall From Grace gets posted, y'all are gonna need like sixteen and a half TWs.

And now I'm off to go write this fucking MESS of a chapter that is the Bebe chapter because I STILL DIDN'T WRITE IT. AND I AM OFFICIALLY DOWN TO THIRTEEN DAYS.

Another hypothetical, while I'm still here before I leave again and don't update until god knows when. Do you guys think I can finish 20 chapters in 13 days? Like, that would be approximately 60-80k words. Do y'all think I got this? And I'm typing that and realizing I thought the wc for this was gonna be like 100k and am now realizing I'm at 74k and just wow. ANYWAYS. LATER. Hope y'all are enjoying my extra long screams into the void tonight.

4:55 Black Swan cries out violently in the background as I realize I have just made five out of six, the quintet is now a trio, and Red is just there not giving a fuck. My head is in my hands. My jaw is dropped. I fear I may be evil for writing this.

May the gods I don't believe in help us all.

(I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN THIS MANY MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS. MY MAX HAS BEEN TWO SO FAR. THIS IS WHY DESOLATION ENDED THE WAY IT DID BECAUSE I FEARED THIS.)

Eh, fun fact while I'm here again. The original ending of Desolation, everyone was gonna die except for Kyle.

But wow OH WOW. Yeah, this is why I don't write major character death.

It is 6:26 am and I just posted An Answer chapter in attempts to procrastinate this horrible ending further and the realization has dawned on me that I am now involved in the mystery because I'm rereading and I have no idea WHAT THE FUCK is going on. I'm laughing so hard over this. God, how two months can really slip away is insane.

6:49: guys I'm rereading this and I am actually thrown off by my own writing like I fully forgot how off-putting this fic is supposed to be BECAUSE of what happened and why things are like this and I actually fell into my own fucking trap. I'm crying this is so funny HELP

7:02: not me happily reading and giggling over platonic twendy fluff and just getting smacked in the face by shit getting very real very fast. this is wild.