#like i just cannot imagine her working at mcdonalds or in an office

[mysticalsadgirl]

It's a good thing Lottie comes from money because her ass could not work a normal job

[jujutsu-headcanons]

Gojo Satoru general headcanons

Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.

Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.

He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.

All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.

Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong. 

This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.

That doesn't mean he did the work tho

Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work

Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him

A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone

Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman

Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because

He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further 

He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.

Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop

Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay

He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys

He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight

It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?

He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically

He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it

He has really cold hands and feet

He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o

He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o

It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry

Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"

He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face

He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair

He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts

No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses

His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month

They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses

Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on

Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind

Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 

He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know

He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.

So about his driver's license;

He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.

Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets

It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad

This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though

He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-

Gojo has a key

You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 

Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious

He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess

The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.

He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror

Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes

Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck

He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.

Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru

Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.

He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 

He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-

It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out. 

Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.

He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral

Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in

Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it

Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it

Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine

Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"

I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there

As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco

He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever

He will literally just stare at you and giggle

It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why

Its because he respects women

He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.

The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 

He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art" 

When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.

He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.

Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess

He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 

He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored

This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored

He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power

I canon him as being borderline sadistic

This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated

White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.

He is Sakata Gintoki

He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og

He's hella bilingual

Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 

He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan

Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months

Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week

Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality

Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.

Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o

Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn

[justcallmenikki7]

BTS Reaction To: Your Child Interrupting Them During a Meeting (Mafia!Au)

Summary: your child interrupts your mafia husband during their meetings.

Warnings: obvs mafia au so … you should know what comes with that, fluff, angst?, and cuteness

Request: Hi! can you please do an imagine/reaction on Mafia! bts where their child comes in during a meeting? you can make up the names for their child too if you want :) thank you!

Notes: i have missed mafia aus, this request was so cute

Jin:

“Daddy!”

A small voice yelled out during an almost act of killing. Jin automatically dropped his gun, being caught by Namjoon who is standing beside the Mafia boss. Going from killer mode to a bundle of softness, Jin step from around the traitor, making his way to where you and your kid were standing at the entrance of his office.

You held a nervous and apologetical look, something that Jin wiped away when he leant down and kissed you on the lips. “I’m so sorry, I totally forgot about your ‘meeting,’” you apologized, only to be shushed by your husbands’ lips once again.

“Don’t worry about it. I love torturing the ones who betray us.” Jin winked at you, earning an eye roll from you.

“You and your sadistic ways.” You giggled, looking down at your son who was playing with your husband’s tie.

Your son looked up at your husband in happiness, oblivious to the almost murder going on right in front of him. “Daddy!” He yelled in excitement, reaching out for his father.

“Hey buddy! What are you up to?” Your husband asked in a childish voice, entertaining your son. Lifting him in his arms, he turned his head to nod at Namjoon, signaling him to take the traitor to the dundgons to wait for his tomorrow death. “Now, that I have my family with me, how about going to McDonald’s?” Jin suggested, only to earn an excited yell from your son.

Yoongi:

Yoongi was sitting in his chair, hands linked together in front of him, face voided of any emotion. This forms nervousness in all of his men, besides Hoseok and Jungkook. They knew from this reaction of what happened at last nights shipment meant nothing but pure anger, and possible death, was nothing good. It brought fear to everyone’s bones.

Having to be under the wrath of Min Yoongi was nothing no one wanted to deal with.

Sighing, Yoongi stood up from his chair, casting a glance at both Hoseok and Jungkook. to which they nodded, before speaking.

A sarcastic chuckle escaped his lips, “Now—”

Yoongi was cut off from the sound of the door to the meeting room opening and a small, scared voice that brought him to his knees. “D-Daddy,” Sooni voice cracked, on the verge of tears.

Dropping his composed state, Yoongi charged towards his daughter.

“What’s wrong my princess?” Yoongi asked, trying to avoid tears. He hated to see you, his Queen, and his Princess, Sooni, cry. The both of his tears made him feel helpless.

“N-N-Nightmare! Scary man,” and that is when the waterworks began, and that is when Yoongi drew the line.

Family over work. So, dashing out of the meeting room with his daughter in his hands, he began to coo and calm his daughter down, leaving behind the grateful gang members,

Yelling and possibly killing someone today can wait, Yoongi thought.

Hoseok:

“Are you all just some fucking mistakes?” Hoseok shouted at the top of his lungs, throwing the manila folder down onto the desk. “How can you fuck up a simple drug deal?”

“S-Sir, we were outnumbered. A-and,” one of his men began, on the verge of possibly peeing his pants.

“A-And what?” Hoseok mocked, a pout on his lips, “You can’t handle a few other men?” Hoseok continued, drawing out his gun, smirk on his face. “Maybe,” He began to shake his gun in a mocking way, enjoying the scared looks that his men gave him.

“Daddy, why do you have a gun?”

And at the voice of his son, he put his gun behind his back, an almost scared look on his face. Being seen with a gun by his child is the one thing he did not want to happen.

“Sang, buddy, what are you doing?” Hoseok questioned nervously, tossing the gun to Taehyung, glaring at him during the process. “Wipe that smirk off your face, Tae.” Only to earn a chuckle from the man.

“I missed you. And you were gone when I woke up from my nap.” Sang pouted, crossing his arms in anger, “You promised you be there when I woke up.”

“I’m sorry buddy, daddy had to finish some business. But I promise you that I was going to come back,” Hoseok explained, picking Sang up in his arms. “How about this, you go back to your room and put on Cars and I’ll be right in there, okay? Promise.”

“Okay! But you better hurry or I won’t share my blankets with you.” Sang reasoned, wiggling out of Hoseok’s grasp, running to his room.

Sighing, Hoseok pinched his nose as he turned around on his heel to face the three scared gang members. “You guys are lucky that I am in a good mood now.” Those were his final words before he left his office.

Namjoon:

“But I want daddy!” Your daughter cried out in tiredness, ignoring your attempts at calming her down.

Being away from her father for the whole day was something new and she did not like it. Namjoon, your husband, always made sure to Jisoo at least three times throughout the day. Due to his busy schedule today made it impossible to see her, which resulted a sad and confused Jisoo.

“I know baby, but Daddy is busy with work. You know that he would do anything that he could to see you.” You tried to soothe, wanting her crying to calm down, which did not happen. Then an idea popped in your head, “Maybe we could surprise daddy?” You questioned, a small grin on your face.

The biggest smile appeared on your daughters face, nodding her head frantically. Whispering an okay, you ran to your husbands office with Jisoo in your arms, making her giggle and chant ‘daddy, daddy’ over and over. Not thinking, you opened the door to his office abruptly, only to freeze in your spot due to the sight in front of you. Your husband was standing over an unfamiliar man with a knife in his hand.

Shit, you just caught your husband during the act of killing. Well, almost. Hiding your daughters head in your shoulder, you apologized and closed the door loudly, scaring your daughter. “Why did you leave? I didn’t see daddy!” Jisoo whined.

“Uh, daddy’s really busy right now, give him fifteen minutes and he’ll be done with what he is doing.”

Jimin:

Jimin was exhausted. No whiskey or Tylenol will help him with the migraine that he was having right now. Having to deal with rookies is a bitch, and Jimin sometimes cannot handle his anger while having to deal with them. He knows that they are new, and he does care about them, but sometimes they push him to his limit.

Slamming his hands down on his desk, he stood up abruptly from his chair, kicking it back in the process. “Shut the fuck up!” He yelled, shutting up the two angry rookies who are at each other’s throats. “The both of you are acting like fucking children. If the both of you don’t stop this, I will—”

“Papa?” An innocent, tired voice asked him.

He swore that he could have killed himself from how fast his looked to his left to find his daughter standing in the doorway looking at him. There was a bear in her left hand and her right hand on the doorknob, looking innocent as ever.

In only three strides, Jimin got to his baby girl. “Hey sweetheart, what are you doing up this late?”

“I couldn’t sleep, and mommy’s gone and you weren’t in bed.” Yooji pouted, resembling you, something that made Jimin’s heart happy.

“Yeah, mommy’s gone isn’t she? How dare she?” Jimin accused, earning a giggle from his daughter. “How about we go and sleep in her and I’s bed, huh? Have a sleep over?” He suggested, creating a glowing smile from Yoonji.

“Yeah!” Yoonji cheered.

“Okay sweetheart, let’s go!” Jimin stated excitedly, allowing Yoonji to run off first, creating a good distance so he could have one final word with his men. “Your asses better be back in here at 8 sharp or I won’t be happy.”

Taehyung:

Taehyung was in the middle of yelling at a rookie when an excited yell from his son, Sam, and your desperate attempts of calling his name.

Looking to where the door is, he waited for the both of you to run in here. After three seconds, Sam charged into his office with you on his tail, yelling at him to not come in and to leave ‘daddy’ alone.

“Daddy!” Sam squealed in both excitement and fear. “Help me!” At that, Sam jumped into Taehyungs arms, laughing hysterically.

You looked up at your husband with an apologetic look, to which Taehyung gave you a wink. “What are my two favorite humans doing?” Taehyung asked, tickling Sam’s side.

“Sammy wanted to see you,” you answered, walking up to your husband and son, “He didn’t like it when I said that he couldn’t since you were busy.”

“I’m never too busy for my wife and son.” Taehyung said, snapping his fingers as a signal for his men to leave the room to give you three privacy. Sitting down in his chair, he perched Sam on one leg and you on the other.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Why is there a gun on the table?”

“Yeah, babe, why is there a gun on your table?”

Jungkook:

Jungkook threw his glass at the nearest wall out of pure anger.

Being told that he lost $500 million dollars during a shipment was the last thing that he wanted to hear today. Usually, he would not be this angry because of it being someone else’s money and not his. But, that was not the case today because that $500 million dollars was for you, your guys daughter Sidney, and him to use for a trip.

Of course, Jungkook has plenty of money. Plenty being polite, but this money had special meaning and the thought of letting you two down made him both furious and angry.

“You fucking fuck ups, how can you guys be so fucking stupid?” Jungkook screamed in fury, his neck veins showing.

Never has the gang, minus Yoongi and Jimin, have seen their boss so angry in their life. But what shocked them was how quickly his demeanor change when both you and Sidney walked in.

“Baby?” Jungkook asked confusedly, voice croaky from all of the screaming.

You gave Jungkook a gentle smile that, unconsciously, relaxed Jungkook. You noticed his shoulders slump, body relax, and the anger disappearing. “Kookie, Sidney was asking for you because she heard her daddy mad and was worried for you.” You explained gently, moving your eyes away from your husband so you could get Jimin’s attention. When you got the males you attention, you nodded at him, silently asking for him and the gang to leave to give your family privacy.

Jungkook took Sidney from your arms, cradling the three-year-old in his arms. “Hi princess,” Jungkook cooed, nudging her with his nose.

“Are you sad daddy?” Sidney asked, looking up at her father with wide eyes.

“No, princess. Daddy is just wanting his men to listen since they are not listening.”

“Do I need to chase Uncle Hobi around the house again?” Your daughter asked, referring to the time when she thought Hobi upset her daddy, so she chased after him with a knife.

“No, princess. Hobi is not in trouble.” Jungkook laughed, wrapping his arms around you and her so you all three were hugging.

[serede986]

Mc calling her bf/gf as husband/wife.

(Jumin, Zen, Jaehee and You)

It turned out to be way too short then expected. :/

Jumin

• You saw this challenge on tiktok, and thought this was a great idea to get your boyfriend, Jumin's opinion about you and him being together in marriage. 

• And it was an exciting imagination of you, where he was just bewildered at the word.

• Your plan got to work when you texted your friend, asking to call you and help you pretend your life with your 'husband'.

•Your phone rang, while you were in the same room as Jumin.

 "Hey! how are you doing?!.... Yes, I'm with my husband right now. Yea, he's doing some office work."

 Your phone was suddenly gone from your hand, and while you were comprehending the situation, looking around for your phone, you heard Jumin speak. "I'm sorry, but me and my wife have some urgent matters to attend to. Also, it would be better if you can come to the church and witness our holy ceremony." Your cheeks flamed red while you heard your 'husband' inviting your best friend to your sudden wedding.

 He handed you your phone and pulled you up into his arms, as whispered softly into your ears, "I love you, wife."

~

Zen

• It happened when Zen and you were out on a date. You both decided to take your car since Zen's bike didn't seem like a good idea.

• After getting him agreed for greasy food, you pulled up to a McDonald's drive-thru. You decided, it's better if you spoke your order, else you'll be getting nothing but salads. 

• "What can I get you, ma'am?"

• "Medium fries, oreo frappe and.." you turned back to glance at him before turning around. "salad for my husband."

• You turned the car towards the direction of your apartment, and looked at his stiff form, eyes glued straight. Looking at his porcelain skin, you could mistake him for a doll.

• Did you make a mistake? Perhaps you rushed it?

• "I cannot, at all, wait to call you my wife, beautiful." He turned to look at you, the look on his face confirmed you're both in this happily forever.

~

Jaehee

• You and Jaehee were currently sitting with the RFA, having a lovely christmas dinner with your friends, who were currently busy bickering.

• You received a call from your best friend, asking you to visit her on year end with Jaehee. 

• "Yeah, me and my wife Jaehee will be there. Yeah. Mhmm.." you felt the people at the dinner table go silent. You immediately hung up, keeping the phone in your bag and gulped, feeling all those gazes on you. 

• "W-what happened?" You asked, turning to look at Jaehee. Your eyes widened at her blushed face, and how she was turning her gaze away from you shyly.

• "I'll BE THE PRIEST!" Seven yelled, slapping on Zen's back who was busy comprehending the situation. Jumin nodded his head, agreeing on Seven's offer while Yoosung complained about being jealous.

• You turned towards Jaehee, pulling his head up by her chin, and leaning in to a loving kiss. 

• "I love you, MC"

• "I love you too, Jaehee."

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Tma relisten Episodes 6-10

(Still really long)

Alot of really important details that are going to be very relevant later on. Very facinating how early on you find these out. Relistens are good.

Episode 6 squirm

It's a good thing tma doesn't do much of sexual encounters and their connection to entities. While I'm sure that's a thing that in any realistic universe would exist avoiding it was a good choice. This statement was *shudder*

Interesting that she had no visible mark on her. Also being repulsed by police stations because the sectioned officers could have helped.

Naked in the streets after lighting his apartment on fire. What an image.

So technically the worms were in the archives 3 times: when Jane made her first statement, when Timothy hodge made his and when Jane attacked. The worms are very familiar with the magnus institute.

"This story is concerning. Not because of Mr. Hodge’s experience, although I’m sure it was very upsetting." ace Jon talking very technical about "experiences"

" though obviously it’s a tragic loss of life, etcetera, etcetera." Jon being Jon.

Ecdc are aware of Jane and corruption typical attacks which is off the bat interesting world building.

He's skeptic here because of lack of evidence but does admit the existence of a threat in Jane Prentiss

Also! He knows of her from before probably when he was a researcher. This confused me on first listen because I was trying to remember if she was ever mentioned before this. But she wasn't.

Episode 7 the piper

Wilfred kind of sounds like martin in some way but maybe it's just me assigning poetry to anyone like him.

But he hated apathy which might be very Martin like

Gentle sadness and creeping fear from the music. For violence of war... Is that what it means to immortalize it?

It's really cool that the concept of music in this podcast is associated specifically with war and unwarranted violence. There's a very strong statement in there somewhere that needs to be explored.

God this statement was intense. Lying for such a long time in that trench surrounded by violent death. But what's most interesting is that this statement doesn't feel like a supernatural one and yet... The piper was with Wilfred throughout the various battles and bouts of violence until the moment it was officially over. But in a very subtle way.

The description of the piper is really intense with the 3 faces. I think I missed it the first time but hearing that representation of war and fear is something I'm going to look for in artistic depictions now.

Wait. Who is Joseph Rayner? I know of Maxwell but never heard of Joseph.a victim instead of Wilfred? Collaborator with the Slaughter? Hmmm

I wonder how Accidental it was that the statement from 1922 was filed in the 2000s. Maybe to show that the piper never really leaves and the war never really ends. Ever.

Episode 8 burned out

Wow Hilltop Road already! I forgot how many of the first episodes were so important to the plot later on.

"That side of the road backed onto South Park with fences marking the bottom of each garden." this is wrong btw. Hilltop Road in Oxford does not run along Sount Park but is perpendicular to it, meeting it in the corner with Divinity Road which meets with Morrell Avenue which is the road running along South Park. Just FYI because I had to look this up to get a good picture. But I guess Morrell doesn't sound as exciting as Hilltop (which isn't even at the top of the hill smh)

Ivo lensik describes Raymond fielding as white which makes me automatically think he is not. Just a thought that popped in my mind.

Huh. His family had a history of schizophrenia. And his dad was obsessed with fractals. Being followed by The spiral (all the bones are in his hands) was also part of this story really interesting.

Agnes had mousy brown hair and looked like Raymond! Not red hair ( at least at first) like I pictured. Also she was a hell of a creepy child...

So did he time travel? Seeing the moments of Raymond's end? Seems like time doesn't work right in that place anyway.

Web person being devout church goer is also an interesting touch

Father Edwin Burroughs! I forgot he was here too! The knock reminded me of Mr Spider *shiver*

The priest explaining that the church exorcized demons but what not decisive if ghosts exist was hilarious. Jon dismisses paranormal but asks Martin if he's a ghost is opposite of the church.

Hmmm the web pushing him to cut the tree to uncover box from antique table...

Apple full of spiders ugh. Maybe something web was trapped in there by Desolation and ivo managed free it as Agnes was dying.

"We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree." wow that's an obscure thing to find well done Martin!

Jon still looks for credence for this story despite the schizophrenia that could leave him skeptical.

"while I trust Mr. Lensik’s testimony of his own experiences about as far as I can throw a bleeding tree," again Jon with his special brand of jokes.

Episode 9 a Father's love

The Montauk's story! I always thought their family had one of the most tragic ones. The hunt is a really cruel patron with its forced hunger and having other entities use them as tools.

Julia telling the truth of the story to the Magnus Institute instead of the police is also heartbreaking. How desperate and alone she must have felt drowned in that awful literally unbelievable story. The magnus institute feeds off of those people too.

So many of the hunt end up in police it's just... Such a strong statement against that establishment. What do we do to make that less of a horrible, unjust, all consuming system? That feeds on the hunger of some and the abject fear of others? And it doesn't have to be supernatural. It's interesting how season five, of all seasons, is the one that gave us that perspective. The non supernatural one on the subject while the world itself is so far away from the natural. God everything about this idea is so heavy and painful.

I kind of hate Julia's fate because of her background and how much alot of its beginning was out of her control. It's like Daisy. The hunt can never be forgiven no matter how compulsive it is.

The dark that took her mother turned her into part of it? Like the dark liquid?

A dark room to develop his photos of his victims huh? A play on words here.

Oooh they put a heartbeats in the soundscape really cool actually.

So Montauk killed other dark members that tried to leave? For the ritual? Like Julia's mother?

The hunt compelled him to keep the hearts as trophies? which is very self destructive of the hunt to do. Or is it part of the dark ritual with the sacrifices that the heart had to be kept?

I think Montauk was trying to slow down the ritual as revenge that night, rendering the sacrifices he helped create useless. Which is why pitch came after them that night and dissappeared once Montauk finished his ritual.

Sourcing the Serial killer enthusiast community. Love that the archives use whatever source of info they can access.

So Maxwell dissappeared in 1994 from public eye land yet the cult kept working towards a ritual. But now in secret? Their timeline always confused me.

Episode 10 vampire killer

I never noticed Trevor came right after Julia! Oooh this is so much connecting the dots so early on!

Vampires are so disturbing here makes you ever wonder how the hell media like twilight were ever created. But hehe the monster ****er community has always been a vibrant one. Not these vampires tho.

Trevor is so sassy I love his statements. Like Julia it really makes me sad how consumed he became at the end and how awful his death was. Once again the tragedy of the Hunt.

"I taught myself to read, I read as much on the subject as I could, and it isn’t covered often or clearly in those books I have found." can you imagine what kinds of books he might have found during the sexy vampire Era? This is a hilarious picture to paint.

So vampires feed off of blood and not fear which is an interesting creature to have in this kind of universe. Although hunters are also like that but there is still alot of fear and awareness involved with that while the vampires try to conceal themselves until the last moment.

There's alot of mosquito imagery in these vampires which is... Ugh

Also interesting how many time Trevor just uses the vampire's full name. Never shortened and never talked about in another title. Sylvia McDonald this Sylvia McDonald that. Also the other vampire. They always had a name that was psychicly imposed on the victims to be remembered fully. Very Stranger behavior.

Ahhhh the one vampire weakness... Drrrugs.

It's also very flammable which sets interesting precedence to setting unnatural things on fire to make them disappear.

Alard dupont comes in a later statement right? Yeah in 56

Martin was there when the statement was given which was 2010 and in 2016 he's 29 so he worked there for a while! At least since age 23 perhaps we'll find out even earlier. And he was still scared to be found under qualified after all this time! Oof...

I wonder how draining it is to give a statement that it kills someone who is sick.

The government is in on this! Looking for the teeth Trevor gave the institute... Somehow that strikes me as hilarious in the world building of this podcast. And it really leaves Jon no choice but to concede that there is something to the statement even if he refuses to use the term vampire like Trevor did so freely.

[idkiwillfindone]

Post Sky High part 1

Sumary:

Giorno, Guido, Ungalo and Prada finally reached the little girl's house but there are bad news waiting for them

TW:

Implied child abuse

This is a part two of Post Bohemian Rhapsody

————————————————————

Prada didn’t liked when strangers spoken to her, especially if they didn’t had the courtesy that she deserved, so, naturally, she was really annoyed when a weird man screamed at her for reading too loud, and on top on that the guy even took her book whitot asking. She stayed silent for the rest of flight swearing that she would make him pay for his impudence. But then when they arrived to Key West and she looked over him she realized that the man fell asleep while reading, how could someone find Peter Pan’s story so boring to fall asleep? To her the story seemed so fun and interesting, did this guy just hated fairytales in general? No that was impossible, she loved fairytales, each one of them created new worlds, experiences and memories, she just couldn't imagine someone who hated all fairytales, that guy had to have a favorite story and she was determined to find out which one.

Giorno checked on the rearview mirror of the car, the two guest had fallen asleep hours ago probably tired out by the flight. Guido was next to him peacefully driving, fortunately he hadn’t realized yet that there where four people in the car, their destination was Orlando, the city where Prada lived whit her parents, Giorno didn’t really believed the little girl when she said that the man, during the road trip he learned that his name was Ungalo, was her babysitter and he had reasons to believe that she was actually trying to run away from home, once they would got to her house he would have judged if her parents were worthy of raising a kid, but he played along whit her just to have an excuse to keep the man close. He hadn’t told Guido yet but from the moment he stepped in the airport Giorno felt a weird connection whit him and he was pretty sure that the man was able to see GER, he wanted to know who this Ungalo really was and then decide what to do whit him. “Giogio!” His boyfriend’s brought him back in the present as Giorno saw out of the car Prada’s home... or what was left of it, the whole block of houses was destroyed, the scene was full of policemans and ambulances, it seemed to be in a post apocalyptic film, “what the hell” Giorno muttered, “ugh- what’s going on, are we arrived yet?” he heard from behind his seat, looking again in the rearview mirror he saw Prada and Ungalo stretching out after their long nap, “what the fuck happened here?” Said Ungalo after taking a better look at the outside of the car, “oh god, Giorno” Guido started “it’s because of the four, we are four! How did i not noticed before!” Well there he goes “what is this guy talking about?” Asked Ungalo confused “it’s a long story” Giorno simply replied “listen we’re going to find Prada’s parents, you stay in car sir” the blonde got out of the car whit his partner and the little girl “remember running away is useless” he added before ultimately approaching the rubble.

“Excuse me mister officer” Giorno said to one of the policeman that were scanning the area “can i ask what happened here?” The cop took a deep breath before answering “I’m sure you’re aware of that strange phenomenon that involved the whole world just a bunch of hours ago” “the fictional characters that came to life?” “Yes, Superman came to life in this block and fought whit one of his enemy, leaving twelve injureds and thirtyfive dead” Giorno and Guido shared a worried look aware of what this could mean, “sir we were looking for this little girl parents, she told us that they lived in this zone” the cop crouch down to Prada’s level “hey little miss, can you point me your house?” Prada smiled pleased by respect that the cop was showing her, then she pointed to one of the many pile of rubble, the policeman got up whit sad look on his face he slowly shook his head before returning to his work, The two men looked at each other again, they both silently agreed to let Guido handle the situation with Prada, he was pretty good whit kids after all, “hey little one are you ok?” He gently asked “i don’t have any other relatives that can take care of me” she mumbled “does this mean that I can spend more time whit you two?” Prada continued whit more energy “of course honey, we’ll be by your side through this this difficult time” “sweet! You guys are a lot cooler than my parents, i mean he look like Rapunzel and you have a gun” Prada immediately responded happier than ever “sure, but you don’t have to bottle up your feelings, you can cry if you feel like it” Guido tried again “nah i’m fine, oh! What’s our next stop? A library? McDonald’s? Disneyland? Can we go to Disneyland? I always wanted to visit it” “sure but-” “yey let’s go” the little girl happily ran back to the car excited for what was waiting her for the rest of week “well she got over that quickly” commented Giorno not less surprised than Guido “so... what now?” His boyfriend asked scratching the back of his head “we go to Disneyland, again” the blonde calmly replied “and if Prada really doesn’t has no one that can take care of her we will bring her and her babysitter back in Italy with us” he added as he started to walk to the car “that seams like a plan” concurred Guido.

When the two of them reached the car the first thing that they noticed was that , besides Prada, the vehicle was empty, when Giorno asked her where Ungalo was she simply responded “i don’t know” the blonde scanned the crowd until he found a familiar purple beanie trying to get away from them, Giorno sighed as he summed Gold Experiences Requiem and returns Ungalo’s actions back to zero “what did I tell you about trying to run away?” Giorno asked whit the same tone a father who’s calmly scolds his son would use “oh come on what do you want from me? I heard what that cop said, the brat’s parents are dead, they can’t lecture me for neglecting a task that they didn’t gave me” Ungalo protested “since Guido and i decided to take Prada’s custody we will need you and all the instructions that her parents gave you” That wasn’t one of Giorno’s most brilliant lie but for the moment it would have work “I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THAT KID IS! god! you are just insufferable as my...” Ungalo stopped as the realization of how to escape from this situation came to him “my stupid brothers!” He exclaimed whit new energy “they know that i would never babysit a child because they’re just useless little parasites” now that striked Giorno interest “you have brothers?” “Yea! They’re two, last I saw them they were in an hospital with...” He hesitated again, this time all the joyful mood he had gained disappeared as he remembered about the other man in the hospital, he had fucked up way too many time as kid for forgetting what could happen if he disappointed a person older or stronger than him “Ungalo?” The blonde called “is everything ok?” His voice sounded genuinely worried which just made Ungalo more pissed whit him, this guy had no right to interrupt his depressing childhood memories “yea yea” he quickly dismissed him, Giorno nodded to his response but mentally took note of his behavior “as i was saying” Ungalo restarted “last time I saw them they where in a hospital whit a plan to get rid of a bitch called Jolyne and her friends” “hey Giorno’s great niece is named Jolyne too” interrupted Guido “what weird coincidence” “yep weird, unlike the fact that i don’t give a fuck about Giorno’s family tree” Ungalo remarked in a monotone-passive aggressive tone, the gunslinger decided to keep quiet for the rest of the other man explanation “the closest to our position now should be Rykiel” he lied “alright then, let’s go to find this Rykiel” the blonde respond hopping that this other brother would be more collaborative, “let’s find him quickly” Guido added “we are still four Giorno, we cannot take a risk like this anymore”.

So their next stop was decided and thanks to Ungalo and Rykiel’s family connections it was easy to track the other brother position. Unfortunately for the little girl their trip to Disneyland was delayed. She quietly sat in the backseat looking at the landscape go by, “hey, uh, Prada?” Called Guido from the passenger seat earning her attention, he wanted to do a last tentative to get her to talk about her parents, she had just lost her family the kid had to show some reaction “are you sure that everything is alright? You know, about your parents” “I’m ok, especially cause this means that I don’t have to see my therapist anymore” she responded happily, once again Guido didn’t expected this answer “a therapist?” “Yes, he said that I had to see him twice a week” she promptly explained “he always makes me do all this boring things like speaking about my feelings, talking about the other’s feelings and some more stupid stuff” “sounds like hell” Ungalo commented mostly to himself than anybody in the car “exactly! And everything because one of my teachers snitched on me after i pushed her down the stairs” the car fell silent after Prada’s words said so casually, the three man needed to elaborate them “y-you pushed down the stairs your teacher?” Normally Giorno hated repeat a phrase, it didn’t matter if it was one of his own or someone else’s, but in that moment he really couldn’t find anything else to say “and a girl on a wheelchair” the kid proudly added “the jury gave her the ballet trophy that i wanted” “so let me get this straight” interjected Ungalo “you physically attack two persons” Prada turned over him with an annoyed face, she had this conversation thousands times and it always went the same “yes” she angrily muttered “whitot verbally attacking them first?” Now her expression was a total surprise one, that was definitely new “yes?” The man let out a loud sigh of frustration “goddamit children are so dumb, you cannot physically attack someone right out of the blue like that, you need to make sure that whoever you’re attacking is afraid of you” “Ungalo I don’t think this something you should teach her” intervened Giorno, his normally calm voice betrayed a worry tone, But apparently Prada didn’t agreed whit him “no no why? I want to know how to make people afraid of me” then she turned towars Ungalo whit sparkly eyes “please theach me” “it’s not that hard kid” The man began whitot any trace of hesitation “you just need to find your victims weaknesses, there’s anything that’s making that teacher you attacked vulnerable?” “She was kinda sad for her divorce” “there! That’s something you could have use” Prada stayed quiet listening in awe as the man kept talking, she didn't even remotely expect that this Ungalo would actually be so cool, but it was nice surprise, meanwhile Giorno and Guido sat whit their eyes whide opened while they listened to a twentythree years old man teaching a ten years old how to verbally abuse the people around her, Giorno, Giorno, Giorno! the blonde heard his boyfriend call through his stand yes Guido he responded already knowing what he wanted to say when we’re going to return in Italy we’re going to find a good therapist he stopped only to hear that Ungalo was still going on whit his disturbing explanation for both

————————————————————

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

I really wanted to include Rykiel in this chapter here, but it was becoming too long and i’m and the school is draining me from every energy, i swear that he is going to be the first character to appear in the second part. Also I’m sorry if in some parts the story is rushed but has i said school etc

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 18

IN THIS EPISODE OF ROBLOX OOF NOISE:

“Yes.” Glynda couldn’t hang up, not without: “I’m—I’m sorry. About what I—”

“It’s alright. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay—” The feed cut. Softly, Glynda said again, “Okay.”

GLYNDA DISCOVERS WHY BEING CINDER FALL SUCKS

do u know how hard it is to wake up and play animal crossing whilst knowing this chapter looms over yr shoulder,

OKAY HERE WE GO

She was fidgety; even Cinder mentioned her pacing, shooting a critical eye her way. Glynda sat, intent on stillness; moments later, Cinder mentioned her bouncing leg.

i LOVE it when a chapter calls me out just right out of the gate hahaha who gave u the right

"Really?" How long had they been doing that? How long ago had Cinder noticed? "Should I stay?"

cinder: maybe i should tell glynda abt that /see glynda pacing a dent into the floor cinder: ooooooor i could. NOT give her an excuse to bully them for something to do,

On her way down the street, Glynda couldn't help but stare at the car, its tinted windows revealing nothing within. As she passed it, she kept glancing over her shoulder, expecting an attack or something. But nothing came of it.

HJGDFSGSDFHKGHJDF GLYNDA,,,,,,,,,,, can u imagine being in the white fang, and sittin in yr fuckin. TINTED WINDOWED like BULLETPROOF CAR and yr sat on yr ass watching out for cinder “dumbass” fall and suddenly glynda goodwitch, The Top Bitch, comes out and starts GLARING YR CAR DOWN,,, like ah. i think she knows we’re here. hrm. hm.

i would just like. drive to mcdonalds and get some nuggies at that point.

She had a clutch of flash-images and a wash of emotions and impressions, the raw materials of memory, stored as-is without refining. She was quite used to that—most of her missions were hazy and rough in her memory, mere sketches of events.

i cant wait for glynda to become a vlogger if only so she can actually have physical proof of whatever the fuck happens whenever she goes out and about. get her a go-pro.

It told her: despite her restlessness, despite the arduous journey here, and despite the way Vale seemed to call for her from somewhere beyond the horizon, she felt quite content to be where she was.

the difference having a gf has huh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, u got a whole ass home (being cased by the fang) a real nice city to live in (its floating and atlas wants yr number) a bunch of unread msgs (from a [redacted] who [redacted]) and its a nice day!!! its all coming together. but probably not for very long,

(i got very distracted at this point making a line graph for the animal crossing stalk market so here we go, x2 edition,)

That meant the nightlife would soon begin. She had never liked crowds; too many people, too much input at once. It was hard to focus, to be comfortable.

/chefs kiss

autistic glynda did u kno: id die for u,

Since she’d blocked Ozpin’s number, there was no chance of receiving anything directly from him—but there was still a moment of pause each time she checked her Scroll, as if expecting his smiling face to appear somehow.

OH YEAH LMAO SHE DID THAT SHIT HUH,,,,,,,,,, i still cannot BELIEVE that happened. GOD. cant wait for this to bite her entire ass right off her body,

By the time she reached the top landing, Winter had replied: “I wasn’t aware that you had additional support on this mission, Professor. I will need their full name and Hunter’s license number.”

To answer Cinder Fall and she doesn’t have a license, but she does have several warrants for her arrest felt like inviting Winter to question not only her integrity, but her sanity as well.

SDHGJFKSKGHDJFGJHDKF i cant say what makes this funnier because 👈😎👈 but HOHOHOHOOOOO could u imagine the fallout if she did just, say that shit. if we just went and fuckin said it like it was no biggie--

Finally, Glynda let her shoulders relax, exhaling deeply, like she would before rushing a Grimm. She wrote it plainly: “The clearance is for Cinder Fall.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MA’AM WHAT THE F U C K

winter rn:

She’d just have to wriggle her way out of having to talk face-to-face, then return the game to a field she felt slightly more comfortable with: text.

okay this is so funny to me cause i just keep thinking of her sending ‘no reason’ to oz. a MASTER of textual conversion. un fucking PARALLELED in this field, UNRIVALLED,

Glynda tossed a look at the door as well, her mouth pulling into a line; what if Cinder came outside? What if—

Could Winter track her exact position using her Scroll signal? She minimized the projection of Winter’s face and hurried off in a random direction the instant she hit the bottom of the stairs.

i LOVE these two because this is the first time we’ve rly seen glynda like. Actively do smthng to defend cinder in this sort of way? she’s been pretty passivve abt letting cinder take the lead when theyre together but on her own shes thinking of all the contingencies to make sure winter cant find cinder and u know what. thats gay. what will u do for yr not-gf when yr talking to someone who would kick her ass in a hot second,

also im TAKING to grab choice lines here to comment upon but honestly this next section is SO GOOD that im rly struggling to find a line to encapsulate how much i am LOVING this convo. i cant say exactly WHY im loving it because again thats 👈😎👈 BUT KNOW THAT THIS IS VERY GOOD FOOD AND I AM ENJOYING IT. and im also enjoying this line a lot

Winter’s voice was decisive: “Professor, if you hang up on me, I am flying to your location—tonight.”

winter: if y’all dont shut the fuck up back there i am turning this car, city, and continent AROUND,

It was the same thing, over and over: people didn’t understand her and she didn’t understand them. It was an exercise in futility that only gave her grief. In the end, she gave up on trying to explain herself. She resigned to being wrong, to always being wrong, even when she knew she wasn’t.

OOF OKAY WHAT THE HELL IS UP W/ THIS FIC AND CALLOUTS. HUH??? ME BITCH!!! I FEEL THAT!! AND IT SUCKS,

/reads the next bit

oh are we donning our tinfoil hats? we’re donning our tinfoil hats.

It was so easy. Glynda didn’t stumble over her words even once; didn’t waver. She was built for doing harm. Her anger burned hot and clean; it excised all the hurt like a malignant tumor.

Maybe she really had learned something from Cinder—channeling her frustration, her guilt, her pain, all of it into anger like this was something Glynda was new to. But it felt good. She leaned into it, letting it take the reins; the distressing memories vanished like wisps of smoke, vaporized by the heat of her wrath.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS god this is. SO EXCITING. i also love it when ppl rub off one one another its my FAV thing in the WORLD and this anger is. WOO. this anger is. DANDY. its also a very short-term burst of pleasure glynda so enjoy that hollowed-out whoopsie feeling that i sure get when i Blow Up,

“She butchered my friend!” Winter snarled, the camera shaking as she slapped the desk. “She butchered my friend in the streets like he was cattle! And I have done everything in my power to help you! Everything! To keep her from doing the same to you, and you’ve blown me off or lied or—” Winter’s voice snagged. “And now you tell me—you accuse me—”

It was early evening in Umbraroot, but it must already be night in Atlas. The shadows revealed the unclean angles of Winter’s face: the bruises of exhaustion under her eyes, the lines of stress at the corners of her mouth.

im sorry im just copy-pasting wholesale at this point but OH this is GOOD. i cant rly explain. like. the difference-- because you’d think from the og version this is just a bit more flavouring right? its like getting a bit of hot sauce on yr chicken wings and yr like ‘okay it adds smthng but its not like a side meal’ BUT IT IS A SIDE MEAL this is like a whole basket of fuckin. cheese-baked fries. winter DESERVES this screentime she DESERVES to have presence in this fic and OH does she USE IT im LIVINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Glynda wanted anger. She wanted fire and brimstone. She wanted a fight.

What she got was the glisten of tears on pale lashes. A hand covering Winter’s trembling mouth.

The ashy taste of remorse in her throat.

THERES THAT HOLLOWED-OUT WHOOPSIE FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IT IS RIGHT ON TIME. its like CLOCKWORK,

She didn’t have anything. Nothing against that. The possibility that Winter might truly care what happened to her had been so insignificantly small and easy to trample. She had forgotten about the losses Winter shouldered the moment Cinder had whispered inheritance.

it’s just like clockwork,

also this chapter feels lengthy but maybe its just cause i got distracted with animal crossing so ill have to do a wordcount check at the end

/checks

no its lengthy this is a thicc one,

“I know,” Glynda said. “I know. I know how this sounds. But she’s the only person who makes me feel like—like I make sense.” In her mind, Glynda lay in the darkness of Cinder’s bedroom, watching the glaze of streetlights along her lips as she said you.

you,,,,,,,,, we,,,,,,,,,,,, our,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, its all that gay shit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“If I’ve learned anything, it’s that Cinder Fall is a tremendous liar. She could convince you it is raining in Vacuo, given enough time. Two years ago, I was working on the Argus base, where I met her as a client; she told me she was a merchant seeking entrance into Atlas—she had all her documents in order, her entire persona set up, and she sold it perfectly. She was flawless—and all of it was fake. She gave me no reason to doubt her. She was—”

Winter cut herself off, abruptly. Then: “Once I was comfortable and safe, she burned down my office and murdered my friend.”

YES,,, SLOWLY THE LORE PIECES TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! winter is once bitten twice shy, but mayhaps we mean,,, once burnt,,,, twice shy,,,,,,,,,, hrmmmm,

Glynda told Winter everything.

OH MAN,,,, we’re really getting this messy fucking trio up in this bitch i am SO excited. i am THRILLED. here! we! go!!!!!!!!!! also i said it before but again im so glad winter gets to Be Here for this. sure this has nothing to do w/ her destiny or w/e but shes here now. shes in the uber. she waiting outside.

The dying potted plant Glynda had spotted last time on the back wall’s shelf had been replaced with a new one; this one’s leaves were beginning to shrivel at the ends.

dsfjhhkljsdf side note: is this like that scene in finding nemo where all the new fish see the niece and go ‘oh no we’re gonna die’ but instead its plants getting taken into winters office? they go ‘im sorry, mate, but once you go into her office, you come out TOTALLY dead,’

okay so this whole convo happened and if i try to pick one section ill end up picking it all AAAAAAAAAAAAAA im dying out here. WINTER BLEASE,,, BELIEVE THAT SOMETIMES CINDER CAN TELL A HALF-LIE. A SORTA-TRUTH. A SEMI-HEMI-DEMI HONESTY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

How different would that mission have gone? How different would her life have been?

She found herself saying, “He had so many chances to tell me. Instead, he let me think I was reckless. That I was a danger to other people. I stopped working in teams. I didn’t have many people in my life to begin with, but afterwards was worse. He saw to it that he was all I had, and he let me think it was my fault.”

ROBLOXOOFNOISEDISTORTEDWITHDELAY.MP4

OOF!!!!!!! O O F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly OOF that shit HURTS BITCH!!!!!!! thats BANANAS. WILD. im also loving (hating???) the increase of painful glynda lore and honestly everyone feels like they have So Much More that builds them up and im THRIVING off it. im also suffering for it.

With the video feed closed, Glynda could see she had new notifications. Missed calls. From Cinder.

Glynda’s stomach lurched. She stowed her Scroll before she could think about them.

At the mouth of the alley, she could see the shape of Cinder’s apartment in the distance. She stood there for a long time, staring, uncertain what to do with her hands, unsure what to do with her heart. Her jaw flexed. She remembered the tears on Winter’s lashes. The friend she’d lost.

Glynda took her first step toward the apartment.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and so the soft domestic shit ends. but nowhere near as explosively as id thought???????? HUH. H U H. must b because we’re gearing up for smthng honk honk honk

ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. this chap was SO good its astonishing (despite the [several] times i got distracted by animal crossing rip me). WINTER!!!!!!!! BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe this disaster trio is coming together. also cant wait for glynda to tell cinder the shit she just pulled. oh no,

(also the wordcount was 5,931. just in case u were curious)

[le-petitmort]

Part III – She, with the smartass sorcery

With great uncertainty must come greater courage. I think that might be a famous quote or maybe not. Either way I am dealing with a bit of uncertainty as it applies to the comely Miss Tuesday. Case in point, in my jubilation over the mutual agreement on being incommunicado during working hours I never asked the important question…what fucking hours do you work?

I mean, I know she goes to her job doing whatever she does, promptly at eight in the morning. Does she then work a traditional eight hour day…a ten hour day…is there mandatory overtime involved…business dinners?  There is only one question looming in my mind. When do I get back in touch with this dazzling beauty? Because I’m not putting it off any longer than absolutely necessary.

Then again, I have shit to do myself. Really important shit like watch a Chicago Cubs day game, two NBA playoff games, and a full slate of evening baseball. Very important things. My things. So, I analyzed the situation and made a calculated decision. I rang her promptly at six in the evening. Immediately I knew I had made the correct decision.

“Hello, Stephen, with a P.” Tuesday’s voice dripped through the phone, sugary like maple syrup.

Quickly, I fired back. “Hello Tuesday…with a T and A.” Whoops. Did I take that a little far? Maybe not, she gave a girlish giggle. Which was alright, but I was, for some inexplicable reason, a bit perturbed and wanted to be forthcoming with one simple request. “Can we stop with the Stephen with P please? It’s rather…I don’t know…condescending.”

Tuesday blurted a laugh. “No Sir! We shall not stop with the Stephen with a P. I particularly like Stephen with a P.” She kept rolling with it. “Stephen with a P is cute. The way you clarified your name for me Stephen with a P. Making sure I never confused you with a Steven with a V or a plain old Steve or a Stevie or Steph…Stephon.”

“Are you drinking?”

“Maybe.”

“That would be a yes.”

“I’m at a business mixer Stevie. What else would I be doing?”

“So, you’re still on the clock?”

“In a manner of speaking. Yes, I am.” Tuesday paused. “But, I’d rather be talking to you. Since this is really boring and I’m basically being ignored.”

“Baby’s been put in the corner, huh?”

“Steve-O, are you a Dirty Dancing fan? I might need to reassess you.”

“No, I’m a pop culture fan. It helps with not needing to be inventive with what I say. People get that shit.”

“Not inventive? That’s not a checkmark Stephen.”

Wow, you got my name right.”

Tuesday chortled. “There’s a first time for everything.”

“Let’s keep it that way.”

“Maybe…maybe not.”

“How many drinks have you had? You’re a little saucy with the repartee. I’d call it witty repartee…but, nah, it’s more like smartassery.”

“Smartassery?” She mocked. “Is that like smartass sorcery? Because that would be awesomesauce.”

“I’ll bet that mouth gets you in a lot of trouble. How much have you had to drink?”

“I may or may not be on my fourth Cabernet?”

“At a work function?”

“I told you I was bored and it’s not like I’m not doing exactly what everyone else is doing here. With the exception being, I’m not parading around like a pompous ass. That’s my boss’s job.”

“You sound a little bitter. Exactly what do you do for a living Tuesday?”

“I’m the assistant for an art dealer.”

“Oh. You’re one of those girls that walks two steps behind keeping track of his schedule.”

“Who said he’s a he. Maybe she’s a she…” Tuesday seemed a little riled. “…and I take offense to that description of my job. I basically run the business.”

“You clearly stated…pompous ass. Everyone knows that’s a man. If you worked for a woman, she would have been a raving bitch…or something to that effect.”

“Point taken Sir…and you are correct. He is a he.”

“You certainly like saying Sir. Almost as much as Stephen with a P.”

“Well…blame that on my good southern upbringing.”

“I do have an appreciation for manners. At least you have some…when not engaged in smartassery.”

“There you go with that word again, Stephen.”

“There you go with the manners. You abided with the request to drop the Stephen with a P.”

“The dude abides.”

“Nice pop culture reference.”

“Huge fan of The Big Lebowski. I always dreamed of being Maude Lebowski.” Tuesday’s voice turned posh, quoting straight from the movie. “It's a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people - it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women - who engage in it compulsively and without joy. Yes, Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word.”

“Oh sweet Jesus.” I streamed a long breath. “You’re like a dream come true.”

“Or maybe I’m just weird.”

“Weird can be good in appropriate doses.”

Tuesday changed the subject. “So what are you doing later Stephen?”

Interesting. Was she angling for a hookup? “Working.”

“What in the world do you do? Are you a bartender? A waiter? Please don’t be a waiter. A male escort?”

“None of the above.” How exactly do I explain my choice in careers, which was more of an avocation in the eyes of most? “I’m an analyst.”

“What do you analyze day and night.”

“Numbers. Trends.”

“Please say you’re not a Wall Street guy, Stephen with a P. I can’t deal with that.”

“Um…I was. Once. For like six months. Couldn’t stand a minute of it. So now I do my own thing.”

“Enough already. Explain. What’s…” I could almost envision her dainty figures lifting to make air quote, “…your own thing.”

“You want the short answer or the long answer?”

“Just an answer, Mister mysterious. Gawd, are you CIA or something?”

“Oh, hell no. I’m not into overthrowing banana republics in the name of freedom.”

“That’s not an answer. Answer the question. What. Do. You. Do?”

“Can I give the long answer?”

“Just give me an answer before I hang up and never speak to you again.”

“Ok…”

“Waiting. Stephen, with a P.” I could imagine Tuesday tapping her toe impatiently for effect.

“Fine, I have a masters degree in applied analytics. But, I couldn’t stand working in an office. All the mundane day in, day out bullshit. So, I went out on my own. Doing something I like.”

“That doesn’t really give me an answer. Sounds like you’re a day trader who dabbles in foreign markets. That’s literally worse than being a Wall Street guy.”

“I dabble in sports.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Essentially…I’m a gambler.”

“That’s not a real job Stephen.” Tuesday chided.

“I live more than comfortably.”

“May I ask what more than comfortably means? A girl needs to know these things. I don’t want to deal with a guy who is going to be asking for money down the road because he lost a hundred bucks on the Jets game.”

“I don’t wager on pro football. Strictly basketball and baseball.”

“Semantics Stephen. Do you make a living? Or are you living day to day so you don’t have to have a real job?”

That pissed me right off. “It’s a very real job…Miss….what’s your last name?”

“It’s Mahan. Now answer the question and quit dodging.”

“I think you’re drunk.”

“I think…no I know…you’re dodging. What kind of living does Stephen….what’s your last name..make?

“It’s Jones.”

“What kind of living does Stephen Jones make?”

“Comfortable.”

Tuesday gave an exasperated laugh. “What does comfortable mean?”

“Ok, I own my loft.”

“Go on…”

“Where would you want to go this weekend. If you could go anywhere?”

“A beach.” She blurted out an addendum. “…and not the Jersey shore.”

“Ok, name a place with a beach you would want to go to this weekend. I’ll let you know if I can afford it.”

“Bali. I want Bali.”

“Fine.”

“Fine what?”

“I could fly you to Bali this weekend. I can afford that.”

“Excuse me?”

“This is all hypothetical. Yes, I could take you on an island vacation this weekend. Tell you to pack your bags, we’re going.”

“I call bullshit.”

“Do I need to show you my bank account. You asked for the truth of what I do and if it earned a living. I’m giving you truth.”

“So…we’re going to Bali?”

“Not after all your smartassery. We are, however, going to dinner.”

“I don’t get a choice in this?”

“Baby steps.”

“I like the sound of Bali better.”

“I like the sound of a quiet, late dinner on Friday night better.”

“Where?” She questioned.

“Not McDonalds, that’s for sure.”

“Better not be a sports bar so you can watch stupid ballgames out of the corner of your eye.”

“We’re going to go elegant.”

“Ohhh, I like elegant. Are we talking Cheesecake Factory?”

“You’re the only cheesecake involved. I’ll text you the details.”

Click.

[emulateharry]

Valentine

I wrote this for the lovely Rested (@the-well-rested-one).  I am posting here with her permission.  A little Nick Grimshaw.   M/M. Hope you like.   

Bloody stupid holiday. Who came up with this anyway? The one day a year that single people were made to feel worse about their plight assuming, of course, that they were unhappy to be sans lover.  Why do I even care?  It’s purely a commercial day made up by the chocolatiers and florists and greeting card writers.  Frivolous waste of money if you ask me.

Nick was so intent on his inner monologue that he didn’t hear the cute guy behind the counter ask for his order.

“Oh, sorry.  I’ll have a venti Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino with extra whipped.”

He paid and then moved over to a table to wait for the 400 calories of caffeinated goodness.  He had been so good, so good, when he and Meshach were together.  He’d started every day with a smoothie and never missed a workout.  But screw that.  Mesh had gone on to greener pastures and Nick was drowning his sorrows with ‘coffee’.  He should be over it by now, it had been months since Mesh had left.  But Nick was recovering slowly from this one.  Maybe he was meant to be alone after all.  He had thought that he was in love with Mesh and vice-versa but when he had told Nick that he was leaving, it wasn’t as devastating as he had imagined it would be.  They hadn’t fought but there was a glaring problem in their relationship:  Harry Styles.  Mesh was jealous of Harry.  He had wanted Nick to stay away from him, said Harry was a threat to their relationship.  It was a test and Nick had failed miserably.  So Meshach had left to pursue someone other than an ‘Old Queen stuck on a guy who didn’t love him back.’  Okay, so that one had hurt.  Mostly because it was true.

He heard the barista call his name and went to pick up his whipped cream topped calorie fest.  He would have preferred mimosas but BBC1 frowned upon drinking alcohol on the job.  Who knows?  An intoxicated Nick might let something slip and then all hell would break loose.  Nick headed out the door into the temperate air and down Great Portland Street to the BBC studios sipping his drink and looking about at the pedestrians.  He saw several men carrying pink envelopes and packages in a hurry to get to their destinations.

Bollocks.

Pushing through the outer door and waving to George, the security guard, Nick made a beeline for the elevator.  Yeah, he should probably have taken the stairs but he just didn’t want to.  To hell with that.  So he had gained a few pounds since the breakup.  What of it?  He had been too thin drinking all those juices and fasting and working out.  Yeah, that was it. He was almost convincing himself.  What happened to the men who wanted a normal guy instead of the impossibly hard-muscled exercise fanatics?  A little pudge never hurt anyone.  Look at Harry with those little love handles.  Men and women adored them and professed the desire to just “nibble” them.  Okay, bad topic.   He didn’t want to think about nibbling Harry anywhere right now, his jeans were too tight to be sporting a boner in the office.  The elevator door opened and he stepped out into the warren of cubicles.  Slurping the remains of his drink while walking to his desk, every person who passed him smiled in a knowing way.  Narrowing his gaze suspiciously at the tenth person to smirk at him, he rounded the corner to his office.

On his desk was an enormous vase with at least three dozen red roses.  What was this?  Rarely was Nick shocked into silence but he stood mouth agape while his mind raced. Who?  He noticed a card on the arrangement and plucked it off.

To:  Nick Grimshaw

From: Someone who loves you.

Oh that was helpful.  It was even typed so no clues from the handwriting.  Were they from a fan?  His mum?  Alexa?  He sniffed.  Their perfume was filling his office.  He buried his face in them and inhaled deeply.  God he loved roses.  Standing up straight he could not remove the smile from his lips.

Someone coughed behind him and he turned to see Annie Mac smiling at him.

“Check you out, lover!  Who’re they from?”

Nick hesitated, an embarrassed heat rising to his cheeks.

“Don’t know.”

“Well, what’s the card say?”

“Says they’re from ‘someone who loves’ me,” he answered quietly.

“A secret admirer!  Oh that’s the ticket.  You’ll just have to do some detective work.”

Annie backed out of the doorway and Nick was alone once again.  Who would have sent these to him? The mystery would have to wait, he had a show to get ready for.  He sat at the desk and logged in to the computer.  He checked the latest headlines and made some notes.  E-mail was next and he skimmed through the 30 or so he had received since yesterday, aware of the constant stream of people past his office stopping to have a look at his flowers.  He made a growly sort of noise under his breath and opened another message.  He was typing a reply when someone knocked at his door.  Looking up he saw a young man wearing a DoorDash jacket holding a McDonald’s bag.

“Are you Mr. Grimshaw?”

Nick cringed at the ‘mister’ but acknowledged that he was.

“I have this delivery for you.  I’m supposed to tell you to check the bag for a note.”

Nick looked at the kid with confusion, but accepted the food.  He rooted his wallet out and tipped the guy.  Opening the bag he felt the heat from the fries.  The kid must have hustled if the food was still hot.  Next to the fries was a quarter pounder with cheese.  He freaking loved quarter pounders. He hadn’t ordered this. Who had?  Remembering the kid saying there was a note he looked deep into the bag.  At the bottom there was a child’s t-rex skeleton valentine signed “Someone who loves you.”  What the hell was going on?  He smiled and munched on a few fries before digging into the burger.  While eating he went down a mental list of who the mysterious person might be.  The alarm on his mobile dinged and he clicked it off then began cleaning up the detritus from his meal.  He picked up his daily file and his phone and headed to the studio.  Fifteen minutes later he began “Hello everybody! Grimmy here. Happy Valentine’s day!”

At 5:45 when the afternoon Newsbeat began, Nick took a quick break.  Heading to his office to get another bottle of water out of the small fridge there he found a wrapped package on his desk.   The card said “From Someone who loves you.”  He didn’t have time to open it but just shook his head in wonder and headed back to the studio.  He had only a couple of minutes until he was back on the air for another hour.

“And that’s it for me everybody.  See you on MONDAY!”

Nick hit the outro and took off his headphones as Annie Mac suited up for her show.  They chatted for a few minutes and then Nick headed to his office to finish up and head out.  Well, head home.  He wasn’t going out.  Biggest date night of the year and he didn’t have one.  What he did have was three more wrapped gifts on his desk. He just stared at them as if they might explode.  Oh Cripes. What if they were bombs? He edged toward the desk and took a closer look.  Each was tagged with a typed “From Someone who Loves You.”  He only debated for a moment before sitting down and pulling one over.  Gently tearing the paper he unwrapped it to find a bottle of his favorite cologne. He smiled.  He was almost out at home.  This was perfect.

He was a little less timid opening the next one which contained a small package of Charbonnel et Walker truffles.  Oh god they smelled good.  He would wait until he got home to eat them, and he would eat them all.  The next gift was a hammered copper tea kettle from the mid-1900s along with a sampling of teas from TWG.  He heard himself coo over it.  It was polished to a high sheen and he could not stop the smile that spread over his face.  He opened the last package and let out a small whoop of delight. A gift certificate to the hot new restaurant HIDE was nestled in some glittery tissue paper.

He sat back and looked at his haul.  All the gifts had to have been chosen just for him; his favorite tea, his favorite chocolate, an antique kettle for his collection.  Someone took a great deal of time to make this day special for him.  But who the hell?  He finished his ruminating and packed up his gifts then headed out of the office.  Harry was coming over for pizza and a movie and he didn’t want to be late.

*

Nick had just finished dressing after his shower when he heard the door buzzer.  Harry must have forgotten his key again.  He opened the door to see his friend carrying a bottle of wine, a pizza box and a bouquet of bright flowers.  Nick took the wine and flowers and Harry kissed his cheek as he passed on his way to the kitchen.  After greeting Pig and Stinky properly, he noticed the roses.

“Nice flowers.  Who are they from?”  Harry asked.

“Don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“The card says from ‘someone who loves you’.”

“That’s strange.  You have no idea?”

“No and that’s not the half of it.  There were gifts and even a quarter pounder.”

“Woah.  You must have a fan,” Harry said with his dimples making an appearance.

“Yeah.  Proof that there’s at least one,” Nick smiled ruefully.

They moved to the lounge and put the pizza on the table before loading the DVD in the player.

“Oh not this one again.  Seriously, we’ve seen this at least a dozen times.”

“Nicholas, you cannot see “The Notebook” too many times.  Besides, it’s perfect for the day—a lifelong love affair.”

“God, you are such a romantic.”

Harry gave him a grin.   “Shut up and pour the wine.”

Nick’s mind began to wander about halfway through the movie.  Harry was stretched out next to him watching with rapt attention, his lips moving along with the words.  Nick rolled his eyes.  He turned his attention to his mysterious gift giver.  He ran down the list of possible people, dismissing each one. He was so engrossed in his mystery, he didn’t realize that the movie had been paused. Harry had sat up and was looking at him.

“What?”

“You aren’t watching.  Again.”

“I’m trying to figure out who sent all this stuff to me.”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No, not to me.”

“So you have spent the day thinking of all the people who love you.”

“I guess…I guess I have. Yes,” Nick answered thoughtfully.

Harry was staring at him with those intense green eyes.  Nick almost got lost in the depths.

“Well then good.  Though I am a bit disappointed that you didn’t immediately know it was me.”

Nick felt a rush of adrenaline and, what was that? Hope. Oh god it was hope.  He just stared at Harry, mouth agape. Harry reached his hand up and Nick expected him to push his chin up and close his lips but instead he caressed his cheek.  Before Nick could react, Harry kissed him.  It was a sweet, slow kiss.  He pulled back and looked at Nick’s surprised expression.  With a smile, he leaned in again and kissed him more thoroughly.  Nick reveled in the taste of him, it was addictive.  Nick leaned back as Harry continued his conquest of his mouth.  Harry began kissing along his jaw, soft and tender.

Nick groaned as Harry paused to unbutton his shirt.

“Who else knows about you and the tea kettles?  Hmm?”  Harry asked as he opened the silk exposing his skin.  Harry’s tongue found the pulse in his neck and sucked lightly before moving down to his nipples.   Nick felt an almost electric shock run through his body and coalesce in his cock.  He was light headed, probably from the blood rushing to his genitals.  Harry kept toying with his nips until Nick was squirming with desire.

“You should have guessed me first.  Because I love you.”

Harry ran his tongue around Nick’s navel and headed lower.  Nick wrapped his fingers in those chocolate curls as the delicious arousal turned his bones to jelly.  His happy trail provided a path that Harry obligingly followed, skin and muscles clenching as he moved.

Harry paused to unbutton Nick’s jeans, sliding his finger along the waistline on his now hypersensitive skin.

“I love you Nick Grimshaw.  I always have,” Harry said, making eye contact.  “I am not quite ready to settle down.  Not just yet.  But when I am, it’s you.”

Nick blinked in surprise.  He almost pinched himself.  Harry.  He had loved him from the first. The vivacious teen with his sweet and naughty demeanor.  The beautiful boy who was now the beautiful man in front of him.  His hands were shaking.

“I plan to marry you.  To adopt 4 or 5 kids with you.  To grow old with you.”

Harry wiped a tear from Nick’s cheek and kissed him again.

“Now, let me love you silly goose.”

Harry had Nick’s jeans unzipped and he lifted his hips so that Harry could pull them down.  Harry smiled and licked his lips at the bulge in Nick’s boxers.  Nick shivered in anticipation.  Harry, the tease that he was, took his time licking and running his fingers over the fabric barely containing Nick’s erection.  Hooking his index fingers under the elastic, Harry lifted it over and pulled it down.  Nick’s cock sprang free and slapped lightly against his abdomen. That was all the encouragement Harry needed.  He went to work, sucking and licking and fingering until Nick was panting.  The sight of those soft pink lips wrapped around him again…it had been so long.  Harry slid his tongue under the foreskin and circled the head, collecting all the salty liquid oozing from the tip. When Harry took him all into his mouth and swallowed around him Nick began to babble and buck his hips.

Harry popped off and grinned at him as his fingers swirled Nick’s balls on their way lower, to massage the opening.  Nick clenched and groaned.  Harry intensified his massaging and resumed his oral attack.  Pushing a finger slowly inside caused Nick to groan and close his eyes.  Two fingers and a deep throat and Nick shouted as he came.  Harry swallowed the evidence and eased his fingers out as Nick flinched at the feeling on his sensitive flesh.

Harry slid back up Nick’s body and kissed him.

Nick whispered “I love you so much.”

Harry grinned and kissed him again.  “As I love you.”

A/N:  It’s never too late for romance.  

[confessionsofbirthmothers]

Forty Australians have been duped into donating more than $480,000 to a charity scam that coerced children into a fake orphanage.

The Australians were fooled into thinking they were supporting Nepalese orphans when, in fact, the children were not orphans at all.

The Nepalese charity responsible had also deceived Australian charity Forget Me Not into supporting the cause by falsely claiming the kids had lost both of their parents. The Nepalese charity even falsified the parents’ death certificates to show to the Australian operation these were legitimate orphans.

Aussie donor Mel Manley with some of the Forget Me Not girls.Source:Supplied

The non-government organisation, Malai Na Birisu Bal Griha, hired child traffickers who manipulated illiterate parents in poor areas of Nepal and stole their girls away from them to live in a Kathmandu orphanage funded entirely by Australian donations.

Neither the Australian charity partner nor the donors had any idea about the scam until years later.

One of those donors was Jason Wall, 52, who donated $60 a month to sponsor a child named Sangeeta. When he was told of the scam, he felt a mixed bag of emotions. “There was both shock and sadness,” he said. “You just question — how the hell did this happen?”

Mel Manley with one of the girls from the Nepalese orphanage.Source:Supplied

Craig Manley, 51, and his wife Mel, 48 who run a McDonald’s in Bundaberg, felt “hugely deceived and disappointed” when they discovered the details. “My wife and I visited the orphanage every year, armed with presents — make-up, hair clips and cards from other donors like us saying how much the girls were loved,” Mr Manley said.

In addition to the orphan deception, another nasty shock was waiting the Australian donors.

“We discovered those gifts were stripped from the girls and either sold off or distributed amongst the orphanage staff’s families,” Mr Manley said, adding that the staff refused to return a TV and table tennis table he’d intended for the girls. “Not all the money we donated went to the kids either. They were skimming off the top. We discovered falsified budgets.”

The couple heard “murmurings” that people had arrived at the orphanage claiming to know the girls, but were told they were turned away “for security reasons, to protect the girls”.

Aussie donor Craig Manley.Source:Supplied

“There was a twinge in the back of my mind thinking, I wonder what that’s about?” Mr Manley said. “We were later told the kids were threatened that if they told us mum or dad showed up at the front door, there’d be retribution, they’d be cast out on the street.”

It wasn’t just the donors who felt cheated. Forget Me Not chief executive officer Andrea Nave said she was “shocked and angry” at the discovery. “I thought, we have a huge problem here,” she told news.com.au. “I can’t imagine my children (she has four daughters) being separated from me and desperately wanting me to find them.”

Forget Me Not now works to reunite falsified orphans with their families. When the Manleys saw this “excellent work”, they actually substantially increased their monthly donations of $1000 a month to the Australian charity.

Craig Manley and one of the so-called orphans.Source:Supplied

Before becoming CEO, Ms Nave ran the charity’s “sponsor a child” program, facilitating communication between the donor and the child. She had to call all 40 donors and tell them the outrageous truth. “I was very transparent, telling them what we’d discovered without hiding anything,” Ms Nave said.

Forget Me Not was founded by Lars Olsen, who was inspired to set up the charity after seeing the poverty and orphaned kids in Nepal on a backpacking trip.

When he returned home to Hervey Bay, Queensland, he set up the charity with his sister and a friend. A year later, he persuaded Ms Nave, who he knew from acting school, to join.

Forget Me Not Australia now works to reunite the Nepalese girls with their families.Source:Supplied

Forget Me Not Children’s Home was set up for six little girls in 2006. Over several years, and with financial support from the Hervey Bay community, it grew to support 21 girls. But none of them knew the nasty shock in store.

Their intentions were honourable. “We focused on Nepalese girls because they’re often denied an education and vulnerable to sex trafficking” Ms Nave said.

She was told the six orphaned girls were an overflow from overcrowded, dysfunctional orphanages. “They were malnourished and we were told they were sisters. We were even given the death certificates of their parents,” she said. She now knows these were falsified documents.

Forget Me Not Australia chief executive officer Andrea Nave.Source:Supplied

The shock was eventually discovered when Eva, an American who spoke Nepalese, was hired in 2009 to work at the orphanage, wholly funded by Hervey Bay residents.

“Eva had been making notes and said ‘look at the things these kids have been saying, I’ve been writing it down’,” Ms Nave said. Eva had done some detective work to piece together a jigsaw that led to a horrifying conclusion.

“Phrases would crop up like ‘I want to go home’,” Ms Nave said. “Then, as Eva built more trust with the girls, they’d reveal more. ‘I want to see my brother,’ one would say. Then eventually, ‘I miss my mum’ and ‘I’m not an orphan’.”

Some of the children who were placed in the orphanage.Source:Supplied

Ms Nave now knows the truth.

“The board of the Nepalese NGO we partnered with knew full well where these girls came from. They were trafficked, coerced into it,” she said. She says false pretences were used.

“A child collector went through the remote, poor districts and offered kids a better education. Illiterate parents would sign a document they cannot read or understand with the press of a thumb. Their children were being given away and they didn’t know. Each trafficker got around $A1500 per kid — poor families would cobble together the money.”

Malai Na Birisu Bal Griha is still registered with the Nepal Government’s Social Welfare Council, although with no activity.

At the point the truth was uncovered, there was a split in the organisation that is now Forget Me Not Australia. Ms Nave has since dedicated her life to tracing the girls’ real families, reuniting them and supporting them to get a decent education and standard of living.

But Mr Olsen, who won Young Queenslander of the Year and the Premier’s Award for his efforts, dissociated himself from the organisation he’d set up and his parents stopped sponsoring children.

“He felt too deceived that these kids weren’t orphans. He was also of the opinion the children were better off in our care, not with their families,” Ms Nave said.

But Mr Olsen disputes this point.

“I 100 per cent supported the decision for the girls to be reunited with their families, especially if we could get them a safe house and continuing education in the meantime, while we searched for their parents,” he told news.com.au.

He fully supports the charity’s work.

“Reflecting back, I genuinely believe the organisation is changing lives for the better and doing terrific work,” Mr Olsen said.

Donor Jason Wall said: “Things evolved so quickly. Lars was young. He still had lots of learning and growing up to do. He was baffled, bamboozled and shocked.”

Forget Me Not Australia now reunites children with their families, asking from village to village through the foothills and valleys of Nepal, then stays in touch to support them through any hardships.

Australia became the world’s first country to recognise orphanage trafficking as a form of modern-day slavery this month. Statistics show 80 per cent of supposed orphans have one living parent and Asian orphanages are trafficking to meet volunteer demand. It’s a phenomenon known as voluntourism. The 2017 State of Children report revealed there were 567 registered childcare homes still in Nepal housing 16,536 children, but there was also an unknown number of unregistered homes.

A Rethink Orphanages spokesperson encouraged Australians to direct their money to families, rather than orphanages.

“Donors and volunteers who have unwittingly been supporting the orphanage industry can play a key role in raising awareness of this issue, and advocating for family-based care for children rather than orphanages,” the spokesperson said.

It took 18 months for Forget Me Not Australia to successfully reunite the traceable families of 18 of the 21 girls.

“I now think it’s too easy to open a charity in Australia. Anyone can do it. You don’t need any skills or experience. We were just average people, trying to do the right thing,” Ms Nave said.

[noexit-ff]

26.

Staring at myself in the mirror, my stomach feels full. Like I can feel something in there. I feel so tired, I cannot even concentrate. I was wanting to fall asleep at the meeting every day at Puma. I am just glad it is behind us, now we can go to London, get the make up release done. Because I feel so full, I always need to pee. Certain smells too, Chris ate something to do with fish and I was gagging. If he has fish near me again I will scream at him, the week in New York has been so painful. I feel like my imagination was not there, Mel was doing all the work. It’s mostly because my heart is not into it, I want to go home and just sleep. I am so tired and I have just woke up, I think I will enjoy this time while I can. I can be free and move around, once this stomach is showing I will be locked away at home which is not a bad thing. I am feeling it every day though, I feel fat and ugly even though I am getting told that I am glowing “you done in there!?” Chris said knocking on the bathroom door “yeah, are we going now?” I don’t want to be flying, that is so many hours “yeah, the bodyguards are here” Chris is very much security around me, he is so careful and gets so worried about me but I am ok. A little moody but I am ok, I am just wondering if I was to go to Barbados to see my family for the day and come back, I don’t think I will see Barbados for a while now.

Smiling at the bed that is already made for me on the jet “awww yes, Mel are you joining me?” it looks so comfy, sitting next to Chris “I think Chris is the person that needs a bad, that boy is gone. Look at him” we haven’t even set off and he fell asleep “I was not that long coming onto the jet, was I?” seeing Mel finally walk onto the jet “you made the security team undo all of the bags because you assumed that you left your phone when Chris told you where it was, in your damn bag he had. He was done, sat down and fell asleep” Jen looks so done with me too “well I didn’t hear it, it is very loud out there” Chris is actually asleep on me “look at him, his ugly gold grills showing and shit” Mel said half laughing “leave him, I am stressing him out every time. He worries about me, worried that something will happen” I worry about him too, I will stop being a pain with him “did you feel back pain? When you was eight weeks?” I asked Mel “I barely knew I was pregnant at times” Mel snorted laughing “but seriously, I didn’t feel any pain. It’s not bad though” if I say anything about pain to Chris he thinks something is bad and then gets me worried “my doctor said this would happen, I just have a little back pain but I am ok” it’s horrible to feel like this but I am so blessed to be pregnant, my heart feels so overjoyed.

I just really want some fries from McDonald’s but I can’t obviously have it, we are in the air “I can’t believe you two are both pregnant together, destined to be together forever” Jen pointed at Mel and I “Chris knows that there is three of us in this relationship, but you know. When I walked in on the conversation with Mijo and him. Chris said don’t worry I will look after your child, Chris is wanting to be there for it. I have never said anything to him about it but he said it, my heart kind of fell. He truly wants to help Mel a lot and he feels bad” Mel got teary eyed “he has been such a good friend, I appreciate him so much. I am just worried that Mijo is going to try and take me court, he did say it. He wants to know the child” rolling my eyes “he is doing this on purpose, god. Why is he being so evil” Mel sighed out “your family are going to be so shocked, to know that you are pregnant. What about Ronald?” shaking my head “what about him? I don’t care for him. This is about me and my child and husband, this has nothing to do with them” they won’t be near my child.

How is Mel even eating those Salt and Vinegar chips, what is wrong with her. She is revolting “Ok, so if you have a boy. You thought of names?” Mel asked, I paused “I don’t know, we haven’t spoke on it. I was thinking on Caspian, it’s like a prince name. Or maybe Cassius. I was thinking mostly Caspian Christopher Brown, that sounds so nice” Mel cooed out “well think on it, are you wanting to find out the sex of the baby? I am wanting to know” I shrugged “I need to talk to Chris about it, I am struggling on girl names. I want it to be so pretty and unique” I am a little confused on what to call the girl “if we both have boys, you can name yours Caspian and I will name mine Cassius” I gasped at Mel’ idea “this will be so cute oh my, but what if we get both girls. Oh my, imagine a mini Robyn and Mel” I giggled aloud “annoying the life out of Chris, he is not going to be a happy boy” Mel’ smile faded “you are so blessed Robyn, to have a husband. My child won’t get that, it’s my fault I know but I can do this” I feel for Mel, she does look on in sadness.

Stepping off the jet, we are in London and we have to go through customs which is stupid. That just means we have to walk through the airport and I didn’t want that “you cold?” Chris asked, nodding my head. Chris took off his bomber jacket “wear it, I am cool babe” smiling at him “thank you” the customs security waiting for us to get in the car so they can drive us to be searched, so annoying. I can usually walk through unless they doing it because of Chris and how many of us are here, Chris walked back onto the jet “what is he doing?” I asked Rich, he looked on confused “if you want to come with us sir” the officer said to Chris, why do people love to annoy him “just watch Chris and make sure they don’t annoy him” I said to Rich, making my way to the car, Cass came running over and opened the car door for me “thank you” smiling at him as I got into the car, I really don’t know why they are searching us. Watching the jet as the officer came down the steps, Chris is screwing his face up so he is not happy.

“No, what are you doing” Chris said before I could even untie my boots “I will do it for you” I sighed out smiling, Chris crouched down to me “I got you, I said it did I not” he pulled at my laces, he is so adorable “sir when you are ready, we need to search you” least the bodyguards got through fine, Jen and Mel too. Chris lifted my leg up and pulled my boot off “next foot” how can Chris even think that he would not be a good father, he is so loving “are you blind? He is helping me” stupid man, what is wrong with these officers today “ok done” Chris got up from his position, turning to the guy “nah, I want a woman searching my wife. I don’t want this man, this is against the law. Why are you getting man to touch a female for?” I am not even going to say anything “the female officer is busy” the guy said “so? Get one then, the hell y’all think this is, we got money what we going to do?” grabbing Chris’ arm “you have a lot of things on your record sir” Chris snorted laughing “I do but you let me in before, your point is?” I knew this would be an argument “I really want to go to the hotel, please leave it” I just want to leave, this will make him stop.

Jen sighed out “this is the cutest thing I have seen, Chris is just dressing you” he is getting me so emotional, I am glad this is all private right now “you don’t need to put my boots back on” Chris got up from his position “it’s cool, I don’t want you straining yourself” watching him go around me, picking his jacket up “I want you to be good” he placed his jacket over my shoulders “thank you” I sniffled, I am so emotional now. He is being such a good husband to me, he is so nurturing “Chris, you got me emotional here. Stop it” Jen scolded him, let’s just get the paparazzi frenzy out of the way “can we have Mel and Jen in front, Cass and frank in front of them two, the officers at the side of Chris and Rihanna and I will be at the back, stay close. Remain from rushing and no pushing” Rich said, placing my arms in the jacket “you want to be in front of me?” Chris asked, shaking my head “I will be ok” I am used to the paparazzi so I am sure I will be fine.

Keeping my head down holding onto Chris’ hand as we walked through the airport “and here they are” Chris said “oh god, since when do fans know we are coming here” the walking slowed down a little, the screaming is piercing to my ears and the clicking of lights flashing. The barrier of officers around us started closing in and I knew from that moment that it was going to be a tight squeeze “I love you so much Rihanna” someone shouted, I don’t want Mel to get hurt, the walking stopped abruptly “what is happening?” I asked Chris, I can’t really see “Mel” Chris said her name, watching Chris grab her wrist and pull Mel back “stay back, don’t get hurt” Chris is thinking the same as me, Chris let my hand go “Chris!” I spat “just get my wife to the car” Chris said to Rich, eyeballing Chris “what is he doing?” the officer fell back into me “move!” I spat “he is distracting them” Jen said “Chris Brown, what are you doing in the UK?” hearing the paparazzi shout “come” Cass shouted, starting to walk finally.

Now we are in the car and Chris is nowhere to be found, we are surrounded by paparazzi. The door slid open “get in the car you damn monkey!” Cass said to Chris as he climbed into the car “where the hell was you!?” I spat, he sat next to me “look, I realised I had two pregnant women, shit was intense so I had to do something. I took pictures with fans and got groped but I am good, you are ok and so is Mel?” nodding my head “I was worried for her, thank you for looking after Mel too” placing my hand on Chris’ thigh “it’s ok, I have a lot to do. God is testing me” resting my head on his shoulder “I want sex when we get to the hotel, I feel so horny. I want McDonald’ fries too, can I just put the fries on your body while I eat it” looking up at Chris, he looks so concerned “ok McDouble chin” I gasped “I am joking, I love you. We will get you fries and have sex” I think Chris is freaked out by me “suck on your floppy dick with ice, this seems so nice. The feel of sucking on skin and ice” I want ice too “this is weird Robyn, stop” I have freaked my man out.

[dontblamedisney]

I personally can’t get vaccines of any kind because I have a unnamed autoimmune disease. I’ve never had a flu shot, I had to send in medical waivers to my university explaining that I couldn’t get the meningitis vaccine the last time I got any sort of vaccine was when I was a baby and got the chicken pox vaccine. Then when I was four years old I developed cataracts, they got removed I was the only kindergartner who wore contacts until I switched to glasses. This was the late 90s so medical science when it came to eyes was...experimental. I then developed glaucoma and uveitis all before I turned 7. The glaucoma was cleared up but the uveitis ravaged my vision until I was 22. So how do you keep uveitis in check? Steroids! I took liquid steroids between the ages of 7-9 this fucked my little child body up. But I also got tiny little tubes of steroid injected into my eyes like every other year until I was 17. I gained weight so rapidly that my bones could not keep up. I had to quit ballet and tap because my stamina was gone, I couldn’t stand for more than 20 minutes without my feet and ankles hurting, oh and then I turned into a huge emotional wreck. I cried all the time, did not always have a reason, I wanted only McDonalds and my poor mom had to keep me calm so she gave me whatever I wanted until my doctors were like “stop the child.” So my mom put her foot down, got my dad to keep me in check and I eventually got into sports and dancing again, didn’t lose any weight but I am significantly stronger than most people. So I still have an unnamed autoimmune disease, last year I had to be hospitalized for blood clots and of course that meant meeting every hot doctor ever and disrobing in a room full of male nurses (I still struggle with loving my body and also I’m a prude so you can only imagine how mortified I was taking of my clothes, barely able to breathe while a whole squad of attractive men prepped the emergency room one of whom was holding a privacy sheet I wasn’t sure if I would die of embarrassment or whatever was squeezing my lungs.) and these ladies came in asked about my autoimmune disease me and my mom explained that no one knew what it was and I’ve been tested for everything. Of course these doctors were like “well we didn’t test you and it’s probably lupus.” So my mom was like “it’s not lupus.” And I could barely talk because I could barely breathe so they take my blood said they’d be back and we never saw them again (should just name the illness after me at this point). Now we are in 2020, my mother got sick in January before america knew what covid was, my mom worked in the medical field as a case manager so she went to doctor offices and hospitals a lot. She gets better for a few months but then she gets sick again. Her voice gets hoarse, she needs her inhaler all the time, she gets tested for covid 3 times all tests are negative but we start to suspect that whatever illness she had in January may have been covid. We ask the doctor to run an antibody test he refuses and instead we go to all these other doctors who say that her heart is fine, her esophagus my be torn and it’s affecting her lungs. By august she cannot walk without having a violent coughing fit she now needs a breathing treatment and she can barely talk, she barely eats and she was dehydrated. She dies in October. We did everything right we quarantined, wore masks, avoided gatherings, but she went back to work in those few months were she wasn’t sick but she was still careful and refused to go where antimaskers were. She still died. She made a point to protect me, her sickly disabled only child, from the virus and it cost her her life. I lost my favorite person, my best friend, my rock. So if you are able, get vaccinated. You don’t need to take this new and untested vaccine that was developed much too fast but flu shots, measles, mumps, all the pox get them some of us can’t and you never know who you’ll spare from heartache. And teach your kids to cover their mouths!

[thewordonmainstreet]

It’s Happening Again:  On Seeing My Life Once Again Go To Shit

I said in a few blogs ago how I find people are looking so haggard and worn out by life.  Well that’d be me as of late.  Everything has been hard for me lately due to my current mental health crisis.  Either my meds. are no longer working or my mental health is getting worse.  I’m really, really struggling to cook, get out of bed, do daily tasks and most importantly, do my much-loved job well.  My brain has been the hardest hit as I process thoughts at a reduced speed. My ability to order priorities in a day and even type is affected.  I’m all drugged up, I can hardly think and I’m really having trouble matching up invoices, one of the new requirements of my job.  The confusion is unreal and I’m often having to think hard about some of the rules of the road.  This is scary shit.  I’ve been here so many times before, the depression or the meds. doing me in so many times in my life.  And I mean really doing me in, I haven’t achieved career or relational success all because life has been a constant fight against my mind’s demons. I was a college student recently diagnosed with severe depression/generalized anxiety (the terrible two that go hand in hand most of the time) and it took everything in me to get through and pass my program, albeit with a GPA that I had to lie about on job applications.  I failed two placements in my Early Childhood Education program because of my battle with mental health and I saw it start to take my future away. I was a young woman barely able to muddle her way through an Office Management program and again saw depression take me down.  My head was full of so many meds. that I could barely think.  As I started doing temporary administrative work, I only made it through those jobs because of colleagues and bosses who maybe didn’t see me struggling or didn’t say anything. Eventually, I just couldn’t find work, I’m sure the word got around to the agencies that I worked for.  Depression has stolen the best of my life time and time again.  I’ve lost so much and failed at so much because of it.  I know this feeling all too well, I’m at a pivotal moment when I could either be saved by grace and my goodness as a person or see it all go to shit.  What does life feel like doing to me today?  Have I been good enough to keep my job?  I haven’t been able to get through my days at work very well and sent out a highly personal and vulnerable e-mail to HR and another person I was doing a project for explaining how I feel.  I was asking for help and saying just how much I value my job.  So much is at stake here.  When it falls apart, it really falls apart.  What will happen first is an immediate financial hit.  My bank balance edging down and then I lack the ability to put good food on the table.  The cost of groceries is insane now and I was just starting to have desirable food in the house with this job.  When I suffer the blow of a lost job, I suffer the loss of good eating and am relegated to plain, survival eating that leaves me wanting so much more.  Then to thinking about getting another job.  I feel so stressed financially that it stops me from looking for work.  I don’t have the gas money or money for lunch breaks on the road to deliver resumés.  Almost nowhere will hire me with my resumé that makes it look like I can’t keep a job.  I can’t live on ODSP alone and my ODSP is automatically reduced due to the earnings that I have now. I work now, I pay later.  There will be no Christmas, there never has been for me, I’m living a life interrupted by a cruel illness or the drugs that treat it.  I hate the drugs and what they’ve done to me.  I imagine it in my mind so I’ll be able to get used to it when it really happens, me losing my home and everything I own.  The path isn’t very far from the house to street.  Charities are mired with long wait lists and stringent qualifying criteria.  This job is the only kind of routine I have in my life, it’s tethering me to normalcy.  I can see the family fights as mental illness causes so many of them.  For some reason, mental illness causes fights.  Cancer or kidney failure never does, but there’s something about mental illness.  My relationship with my parents has been fractured all of my life, only knowing moments of understanding that are as few and far between as are months of my good health.  They all see me as the black of sheep of the family that must be seen and not heard, it’s been that way since I was a child.  The fights are becoming more frequent now.  I can hardly wait until Christmas. The straw is so close to breaking the camel’s back and one day they will just get so sick and tired of me because of my illness.  I see myself in my dreams losing everything, the painful rows with my parents because they’re so fed up, them telling me I’m a total failure and that their taking my home away as the final statement of  their displeasure.

Me ending up on the street panhandling, the plausible end of a life mired by health battles and deep poverty.  I want to prepare myself soon for this so I imagine it more and more often in my mind.  I see myself struggling to eat meals at soup kitchens because when I get really stressed I cannot physically swallow food.  I’ve been to meal programs a few times before in life starting when I first got sick at age 18 and then in my late twenties and maybe I will darken their doorways again.  I search social services and charities on the Internet to prepare myself so I know whose out there and where they’re located.  I’ve worked so hard to create my own unique signature on this home. Work as in shop I should say but when you have to go from thrift store to thrift store, that’s work.  I’ve got so many one of a kind, quirky decorations, kid’s toys, stuffies, McDonald’s toys and miniatures. 12 years of committed thrifting has amassed me a lot of whimsical, unique finds that I cherish.  I have a razor-sharp mind and have the uncanny ability of recalling just what thrift store each item was procured from.  Now I’m under pressure and in the fight of my life to hold onto that stuff.  Shit’s never been so real as it is now.  There’s no way I’m losing this place yet as I lie in bed when the confusion and mental anguish is so real, I imagine me calling around to get prices on storage lockers knowing that I’d never be able to afford what they’re asking and keep myself fed in the same month.  I can’t figure out what I love the most, almost like what I would grab first if there was a fire.  I love it all, I’ve worked so hard to keep jobs to fill my home with nice things.  I see myself on the street, a blanket over my knees as I hold out a cup and hope I look pretty enough without makeup because I’ve lost my whole collection, tears running down my face because this is just too much to bear. It’s just too much.  I’m in the fight of my life to hold onto this job.  I’ve seen this fight so many times before.  The e-mail or conversation where you reveal your health struggles and the ever uncomfortable fallout.  You muddle through the day and you’re treated like a stranger that doesn’t even work there.  You become the subject of whispers by the water cooler.  They don’t even tell you where you’re f’ing up as there’s no reason to.  You go in everyday, ready to be fired.  When getting through the day is as much of a battle as it is now, getting through the month most often never happens.  When you’ve got a broken mind, soon enough you’ll be broke yourself.  And the fact that most people on the streets have a mental health issue really hits home.....just when will I be among those in the city’s homeless count?  I’m hanging by a moment here and hope there is mercy and understanding.  I can’t afford to lose what I’ve got.  I’ve got more money in the bank than I’ve had for 5 years (and it’s not a whole hell of a lot) yet I’ve never been closer to the edge.  The only jobs I can get now are shady day jobs where I risk not getting paid or Tim Horton’s and like I want to be a slave for a brand that honestly tastes like watered down mud. My longest job in life was 6 months and my resumé rivals a new grad.. The blue collar world destroys me by bullying or abuse and the white collar world doesn’t understand me.  The truth is the world doesn’t want a f up like me.  I’m a nice girl finishing last and the social safety net isn’t robust enough for my complex situation.  My mind or the matter (the damn drug that may have caused this) decides what’s going to happen next.  Do I lose it all or somehow hold onto it?  Survival is all I really think about, there are no breaks from the gritty work of survival.  Will I have healthy food in my house, will I be able to get through next month?  I just hope that fortune will favour me and that I can hold onto this job.  I’ve never wanted anything more in life than to have something last for me, to have something go right.  Too much has gone wrong for someone that just wants the pride of a hard day’s work.  When it all falls apart, it really f’n falls apart.  It’s messy, it’s embarrassing and it’s scary.  I’ve been falling apart all of my life. 

[skepticraven]

Server Pet Peeves.

Here is a list of my pet peeve's as a former waitress so fellow servers can commiserate with me and patrons can figure out how to not piss off your waitress.

1) When customers ask you why you don't carry something altogether or why we quit carrying something. For example, I worked at Denny's. We carry Coke and Dr. Pepper products. So I get a customer every now and then who says something like "Aw man! Why don't you carry Pepsi, Pepsi is so much better." To which I WANT to reply: "BECAUSE ABOUT HALF THE COUNTRY PREFERS COKE AND WE CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE! Besides do I look like I'm making purchasing decisions for this company? Quit wasting my time and pick a damn drink from the other 9000 beverage options we have."

2) Customers who think they are funny and really aren't. Not everyone is funny and that is okay; there are other ways to make conversation or alternatively you could just order your food, eat it, and go home? Some of the lines I hate the most are: When I ask a customer if I can get them something and they ask for  a million dollars or a winning lottery ticket. When I tell a table I will be right back with the check and they make a "joke" about how they thought it was free. When the kitchen is a little slow and they throw out some shit about the cook having to kill the cow.  You are leaving me with only two options (one if I want a tip). I can force an extremely insincere laugh or I can create an awkward moment of silence. For some reason yet unknown to me, all the wannabe comedians seem to be white &  somewhere between the age of 50 to 75. 

3) Customers that want to push their religion on unsuspecting servers. For example, when tables begin to say grace before I've left the table and I'm just awkwardly trying to fill coffee cups without making a sound or rolling my eyes. Even Christian servers don't want a religious rant in the middle of their shift. And don't you dare leave me an invitation to your church or a prayer card in place of a tip; Jesus doesn't pay my bills. Believe me, I asked a couple times.

4) Customers who push the political opinions unsuspecting servers. For some reason, it seems to ALWAYS be conservatives who must tell you how much they hate Obama or something. (To be fair though, I wasn’t serving by the time Trump was in office). The problem is, servers are there to make money. We don't always have time to hear your prolonged rant. (That is what Tumblr is for). Even if we do have time and we do agree with your stance and it begins an agreeable conversation, we run the risk of offending another customer thus still affecting our tips. If we disagree, I can't really start a debate with you without totally fucking myself out of a tip. To give you an example of the shit I’ve had to deal with, one of the other servers at Denny’s waited on an older Caucasian gentleman wearing suspenders. He came to the register to pay for his meal and I asked if he had an AARP card (which yields 15% off). Instead of just saying no, he went on a rant about how it was liberal organization and he could not be a member because of x, y, and z….. I could not give less of a fuck. 

5) Obviously all servers hate bad tippers. That is a given. Go to McDonald’s if you cannot afford a tip or just don’t want to pay one. There is a type of bad tipper that I hate the most though. The worst are the assholes who will leave change. It’s bad enough I’m getting screwed but leaving change assures me that you did not forget to tip and it wasn’t that you sucked at math and were unable to determine what a 15-20% tip would be. Oh no, leaving change is an intentional fuck you. 

6) When large parties (like more than 10-12 people) show up without notice and with the expectation that you can not only accommodate but accommodate immediately. This is especially problematic during busy times. It’s called a reservation people! Or at least give a warning, if the restaurant doesn’t take reservations. You should call in advance (preferably a day or more) to assure that we have a table set up and enough servers on the clock. A table of 12 or more is enough to keep one server totally occupied and there are other customers who want to be served too. 

7) When I am large taking orders and the patrons don’t go in order around the table. Use your brain people. If there is ten of you, how else am I supposed to keep everything straight? Because god knows if I tried just asking “Who got the BLT sandwich?” everyone will just stare at me blankly or continue to talk among themselves.

8) People who ask for discounts when they have no coupons. This is fairly self-explanatory but if I give you a discount, it kind of voids the point of a coupon, doesn’t it? Not to mention, you will probably then tip based on the lower amount. Oh and I might get fired! I don’t think you’re planning to pay my bills when you are cheap enough to ask me to discount for a coupon you don’t have!  Fuck off, tight wad.

9) People who act like a 49 cent up charge for cheese is outrageous, like they are entitled to free cheese. If you don’t have enough money for a 49 cent up charge, I can only imagine what my tip will look like. You get what you pay for people and I don’t make the rules.

10) People who let their kids run wild. The kids always seem to try to come back in the kitchen when this happens. I’m not your babysitter. I can’t have your kid in my kitchen because its a safety hazard but I also don’t feel comfortable picking them up to remove them. With my luck, the kid would start screaming his head off like I was hurting him. Plus, servers tend to carry these things called trays and trays often have breakable plates full of very hot food! I’m not always looking down for 2 foot tall obstructions. Keep your kid in his or her seat or supervise them when they aren’t seated, end of story.

11) I understand children make messes so I’m not tripping when they drop food on the floor or have an accidental spill. However I’m not your maid, if your kid is intentionally throwing spaghetti noodles at the ceiling, licking the window, yanking on the shades, or peeing on a booth… THAT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CORRECT.  Just FYI, all of those examples have happened to me!

12) People who expect servers to know every ingredient of everything in the restaurant. I’m not talking people who ask what comes on a certain burger or in a certain omelet. I am talking about people who ask what ingredients are in our siracha sauce. HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW? It comes in a fucking bottle. We don’t make it and I’m not rain man. Unless you have an allergy to something, don’t ask me that kind of question.

13) When a table tells you they are ready to order and then you have to awkwardly stand there while they try to decide between 2 sandwiches or while they study the lists of sides. That ladies and gentleman, is what we call NOT READY TO ORDER. Contrary to what you might think, you are probably not your server’s only table. You’d think this was the most important decision they will ever make…

14) Creepy older guys who read WAY to much in to a female server being nice. If you are a female server, you already know what I mean. It doesn’t require explanation but it does put you in an awkward situation. You don’t want to be rude but you also don’t want to give false hope. Gentlemen, nice ≠ flirting.

15) People who want you to break rules for them. For example, someone who want you to allow special substitutions even after you explain it’s not allowed. If it isn’t allowed, it is usually means they are trying to substitute something inexpensive like a biscuit for something more expensive like meat. Then there are the people who think they are entitled to use multiple coupons together or combine an AARP card with kids eat free or some nonsense like that. Maybe you have not noticed but this is a business, not a soup kitchen. We are in the business of making money but hey, it’s not like I need my job! Let me just break all the rules because you’re so special! 

[dannymdip]

04 - Act 4 (draft)

Act 4:

“You confessed your love to her?” Lou looks incredulous. Ryan looks to Krystal, “She…” Krystal looks sternly and shakes her head. “You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you all. I’m leaving.” Lou narrows his eyes, “What are you talking about?” “I’m leaving Eshelman. Now. I’m 18. You can’t keep me here.” Lou and Duke exchange a glance. “Krystal, take him to the corner while Duke and I talk this ou—” “No. No corner. I’m fucking leaving. I’m not a part of your sick cult anymore. Let me call my parents.” Ryan walks out of the room. Lou looks at Duke, “We can’t just let him leave.” Duke says, “I’ll call his parents.” They hear a yell from the other room, “ATTENTION EVERYONE!” Ryan stands before the house, “THIS WHOLE SCHOOL IS BULLSHIT! I WILL BE LEAVING NOW! I SUGGEST THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN, COME WITH ME!” Everyone in the house looks at each other, wide eyed. Edward walks over; he puts a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and says quietly, “Ryan, what are you talking about?” Ryan says, “They don’t give a shit about us. They don’t give a shit about me or you or anyone.” He lowers his voice, “You think if they found out about you and Liam, they would even think twice about shooting your ass down? You’ve been their star pupil for 6 years and they don’t give a single solitary shit about you.” Edward takes his hand off of Ryan’s shoulder and looks worried.

Back in Naperville, Ryan’s parents get a call. Ken answers the phone. On the other end is Duke. “Listen, Ken, your son is backsliding. He’s going to call you and tell you anything he can to get you to take him back home, but you can’t do it. If you let him come back home, he’ll go right back to how he was before. I promise you, if he doesn’t graduate, not only will he never get his high school diploma, he’ll be dead within a month. Whatever you do, do not let your son manipulate you. In his mind, you’re weak. He can say anything and you’ll dance to his tune, but we can stop that destructive behavior if he graduates the program.”

Duke comes out and gets Edward. He leads him to the office. Lou says, “Edward, as you heard, Ryan is attempting to drop out of the program. We’re going to do everything we can to save him, but for the time being, he cannot be touched. We just have to let him break the rules cause if we restrain him and he ends up leaving, he could take legal action, and we could get in serious trouble. Tell the other high-strengths, Ryan is not to be dealt with physically.” Edward leaves the room, as he passes Ryan, he says, “They just told me you can do anything you want and we can’t touch you.” Ryan smiles. He walks back to the office, “I’m calling my parents now.” Lou says, “I can’t stop you.” He picks up the phone and dials his house. He waits for a second while it rings. “Dad, I need you to come pick me up. Now. Everything I’ve told you about Eshelman is a lie. All of it; it’s all bullshit. This school is a fucking cult; I haven’t had one actual class this entire time. They just want your money … What are you talking about? … Dad, please, you have to … Dad? DAD! FUCK!” Ryan slams the phone down and points a finger at Lou, “You fucking sociopath!” Lou calmly leans back, “We’ll work on getting you a bus ticket. In the meantime, I ask that you reconsider.” “Fuck you.”

The next day, when House Wake Up is called, he stays in bed and falls back to sleep. At 11am, he gets up and takes an hour-long shower. He then, at 12pm, dresses dark-on-dark, goes to the kitchen, and gets three little cereal cups and a six pack of soda. He lounges on the couch while eating and drinking. Later, he approaches Krystal, “Why? Why would you do that to me?” She says, “Do what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “You used me. This job is boring and you can’t get laid, so you used me for companionship and then you used me for sex. But what changed, huh? Lost interest? Did you just want to see if you could fuck a student? The sex wasn’t good enough for you? Big surprise; you fucking pressured me into it.” Krystal rolls her eyes and says, “Leave me alone, Ryan. You’re imagining things.” At dinner, he’s sitting in the dining room with his feet up on the table, tuning his guitar; He plays his guitar and sings, “Hi kids, do you like violence? Wanna see me stick 9-inch nails through each one of my eyelids?” Kids look around in awe and Lou fumes with anger as he continues, “Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? Try 'cid and get fucked up worse than my life is? My brain's dead weight. I'm tryna get my head straight, but I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate. Damn, Lou, all three Cardinal Rules right there! No wonder you hate this guy! Hey, what’s up with those rules, anyway? You don’t fuck since your wife left you? Hey, Jared! Before you got hooked on H, you got your start taking your mom’s Talwin, right? Well good news. Lou’s got a bottle of the stuff in his office. Yeah, it’s usually on top of the cabinet right next to the gun safe. Hey, what’d I tell you? This place is a FUCKING SHAM!” Ryan leans back and lights a cigarette.

That night, Ryan again lays on the couch when everyone’s going to bed. Edward sits on Head Night Owl duty. Ryan gets some coffee from the kitchen and sits down next to Edward, “Hey.” Edward turns and smiles, “You’re a fucking madman, you know that?” Ryan laughs, “You should leave too. Imagine both their best students turning on the system. The whole place would be chaos.” Edward looks a little glum, “I like it here, Ryan. I’ve been here since I was 12, and I have no family; the outside world may as well not exist as far as I’m concerned. Plus, Liam’s only 17 now, and I can’t just leave him here alone.” Ryan says, “Someday soon, you’ll see that I’m right. They’ll turn on you, too.” Edward shrugs. The riflemen walk in the door; Ryan points to them, “The night watch isn’t really in the loop ever, so they don’t know I’m an enemy of the state yet. I can sit here and pretend to take a shift if you wanna go be with Liam for a bit.” Edward says, “That’d be really nice. Thank you.” Edward gets up.

Edward approaches Liam, who’s in his bed, sobbing. Edward rushes to his side, “What’s wrong, babe?” Liam gasps in desperation, “Please, Eddy, get them off me; they’re eating my skin.” Edward looks confused, “What? What’s eating your skin?” Liam starts thrashing around, “The ants, the ants! They’re all over me; I can’t get them off. It hurts; it hurts so much. Please, god, help me.” “Liam, there are no ants on you. There aren’t any ants here at all.” We see Liam’s point of view, he’s completely covered in ants save for his hands and his face. He reaches out to Edward, “Eddy. I’m not gonna make it. I love you so much. Please, don’t watch this; I don’t want you to have to see what they do to me.” Edward hugs Liam tight, “I’m gonna get you out of this fucking corner.”

The next day, January 16, Ryan sits in the office opposite Lou. Lou says, “Look, we can offer you ten dollars and a bus ticket to Claremont, New Hampshire.” Ryan looks at him, “Claremont, New Hampshire?” Lou says, “That’s right.” Ryan says, “You want to send me to Claremont, New Hampshire?” Lou says, “We’re willing to, yes.” Ryan says, “What the fuck is Claremont, New Hampshire? That’s nothing. That’s nowhere. You want to send me to nowhere in the middle of fucking January; I promise you I’ll freeze to death.” Lou sighs. Ryan says, “Fucking ridiculous.”

Four days later, on January 20, Ryan is lying in bed listening to his Walkman. There’s a knock at the door. He looks up to see Krystal. He takes off his headphones, “Oh. Fuck do you want?” Krystal sighs and looks a little guilty, “I talked them into getting you a ticket to Boston. Bus leaves at 9:00pm tomorrow.” She leaves and he just sits there on his bed for a minute.

At 8:30 the next day, Ryan stands in the office. Lou says, “We’ll mail your things to your house. This is a very stupid thing to do, Ryan. You have no education; you have no diploma; your parents refuse to take you back. You think you’ll ever get into college with your test scores? Not to mention we can change your GPA however we see fit. You’ll soon realize the gravity of this mistake. Now, out of the immeasurable kindness of my heart, I make this offer: When you decide to come crawling back, just give us a call and we’ll take you.”

Duke drives Ryan to the bus station. He drops him off and drives away. Ryan is completely free for the first time in 15 months. He sees someone smoking, and he walks up to them, “Hey could I bum one?”  He looks around the exterior of the Castle Rock bus station as he smokes. Everything is totally calm. It’s cold—there’s fresh snow on the ground—and Ryan has no coat. He flicks the cigarette away and walks into the bus station.

Back at Eshelman, in the staff office, Edward sits with Duke and Krystal. Duke says, “Anything else?” Edward says, “Yeah, I been watching Liam. I think he’s ready to come out of the corner.” Duke says, “Really. Liam.” Edward says, “Yeah, I think he’s ready to cooperate, I don’t think he’s gonna try to split again.” Duke narrows his eyes, “You’re not contracting out with that fucking loser, are you?” Edward says, “Fuck no. Dude’s a Grade-A dipshit. But he seems like he’s gonna behave, and we need the corner space.” Duke pauses for a second, “Alright. But if he splits, it’s on your fucking head.” Edward says, “Understood.” He walks over to Liam. Liam says, “Oh, Edward. What’s up?” Edward says, “I’m saving you from the ants, buddy. They can’t hurt you anymore. Come with me, we’re gonna get you a sponge; you’re on G.I.”

At 12:30AM, Ryan steps off the bus in Boston and into the Greyhound Bus Station. He has no belongings, just his ID and $10. He goes to a McDonalds that’s inside the station and gets a burger. As he eats, he looks at the change in his hand, then at the group of payphones. He calls his parents on the payphone. They answer. “Dad, it’s Ryan, please just let me come home. I’m not at the school anymore. I’m in Boston, and I’m not going back. You have to let me come home.” Ryan takes a beat and his expression changes from desperation to frustration, “Jesus Christ.” Now another beat. He takes the phone and slams it on the receiver several times. He takes his change and calls Aunt Sophie. “Aunt Sophie, it’s Ryan. I’m in Boston right now; I need you to pick me up. The school got to my parents and convinced them if I came home, I’d die … Okay, well can you get me a bus ticket to Chicago? … Alright … Well, that’s something … Okay, I’m on a payphone though … Okay, call me back when you got it; the number is 857-555-3447 … Okay, bye.” Ryan stands by the phone with his head in his hands for a minute. The phone rings and he picks it up, “Hello? … Thank god, where is it? … Okay, got it. You said Pearl Street, right? … Okay, thank you so much, you’re a life saver … I’ll call you when I get there.” Ryan asks a desk clerk for a map. He looks it over, “Fuck me.”

Now there are various scenes of Ryan walking through Boston en route to Pearl Street. When he gets there at 3AM, the building boasts a big sign saying “HOTEL”. He walks inside and up to the front desk. “Reservation for Ryan Dano?” he says. The clerk looks through their computer, “Hmmm. I’m not seeing it.” Ryan looks surprised, “Maybe it’s under Sophia Dano?” The clerk looks again, “No, I’m sorry, there’s no reservation under that name.” “Fuck me, can I use your phone?” The Clerk says, “Certainly,” and places the phone on the desk. Ryan picks it up and dials. Aunt Sophie answers. Ryan says, “Hey Aunt Sophie, they’re saying there’s no reservation under my na— … You’re kidding … Jesus fucking Christ. Please, don’t listen to them; the school has them brainwashed … Okay, well thanks for the help. I just walked two and a half hours in 35-degree weather without a coat for fucking nothing. Guess I’ll go back out there and fucking freeze to death … Yeah whatever.” Ryan hangs up the phone and turns to the clerk, “Can I stay in the lobby for just, like, an hour?”

It is now 5AM. Ryan has made his way back downtown and is walking through a park. He sees a homeless man sleeping under a blanket, “Excuse me.” The homeless man looks up and says, “Huh?” “I’ll give you…” He counts his money, “Five dollars for that blanket.” The man says, “What? No fucking way.” Ryan says, “How about just for two hours.”

It is now 7AM. Ryan has been sleeping on a bench with his leased blanket. The man walks up to him and shakes his shoulder, “Times up.” Ryan gives him the blanket back and sits up. He looks down at his feet, “Jesus Christ, fucking athlete’s foot.” He takes off his shoes and socks and his feet look and smell like decomposing hamburger meat. He leans to the side and dry heaves. He puts his footwear back on and starts walking back toward the bus station. He enters and walks to the payphones. He looks at what money he has left, probably around $3. He begins dialing numbers. “Krystal, don’t hang up, you gotta help m—” Dial tone. “Hey, Bruce, it’s Ryan. It’s been a while … Yeah okay … Loud and clear, you fucking dick.” He hangs up. “Fuck me, what the fuck are my friends’ numbers?” He begins dialing. Over and over, he hears, “The number you have dialed is incorrect. Please hang up and try again.” Finally, someone picks up, Ryan excitedly says, “Hello? … Do you know anyone named Ryan Dano? … Oh. Well, thanks anyway.” More incorrect messages. After two hours, another person picks up: “Hello?” Ryan: “Oh my god, Dean, is that you?” We see Dean in his parents’ basement smoking weed: “Ryan?” R: “Yes! Fuck yes!” Dean: “Holy shit, dude. What the fuck happened to you? We thought you were dead.” R: “It’s a very, very long story, and I’ll tell you everything later, but right now you gotta listen. I need you to get me a bus ticket back to Chicago. My parents won’t do it because they think I’ll kill myself.” D: “Um, okay. I can do that, I guess. Why, where are you?” R: “I’m in Boston right now, and I’m kind of a little bit homeless. So I need you to call Greyhound and buy a one-way ticket from Boston to Chicago.” D: “Alright, what’s the number for you?” R: “857-555-3447” D: “Alright, I’ll call back.” Ryan waits a moment before the phone rings. R: “Hello?” D: “Yeah, it’s Dean.” R: “What a nice surprise.” D: “Yeah, they say I have to have a credit card to buy a bus ticket, and I don’t got one. So, you want me to, like, get one?” R: “Yes. Please.” D: “Okay, I’ll ask my folks how to get one. Might take a while.” R: “Fuck. Alright, call me back tomorrow at noon.”

[???]

It’s noon the next day. Ryan’s standing by the payphone. His clothes are dirty; he generally looks like shit. The phone rings: R: “Hello?” D: “Hey, it’s Dean.” R: “Yeah.” D: “Yeah, I got it taken care of. There’s a ticket to Chicago for tonight at 5. It’s gonna take, like, a long time, and there’s a layover in New York.” R: “Fuckin’ awesome. You rock, man, thank you so much.”

It’s 11PM. The bus pulls into Grand Central Station. Ryan gets off and exits the building. He looks around Times Square at night time. It’s beautiful and bustling. Ryan smiles, but his stomach starts to make unnatural sounds. “Fuck me,” he says, holding his stomach. He looks around, trying to find a place where he could use the bathroom. He sees the giant McDonalds, and he waddles in. He finds the bathroom and enters. He opens the stall door to see the most disgusting bathroom imaginable. There is shit and piss all over the ground, the toilet, and the walls. “Ah, fuck me.”

END of Act 4

[lnhollinshead]

So What Now?

On Thursday the other week, one of my team members handed her notice in. On the Monday, I went down to London to congratulate her on her new position and use the occasion as a good excuse to see the city, have a few drinks and show my appreciation for her work up until that point.

I had a good night, which ended prematurely due to my lack of foresight with my travel arrangements – which roughly translates as ‘I booked a train that left too early for a celebratory night out, ended up rushing across London in order to make said train, and then spent the next hour and a half drifting in and out of consciousness on my way back to Leicester.’

A lot of the conversation that night (aside from the bits that lead to the crushing realisation that I do not register as a sexual being on 100% of those girls’ radars) was around work. It was about the reasons for leaving; the daily frustrations with the role and with other people; and with the small glimpses of happiness that occur when you have a supportive group of people around you.

I knew I wasn’t happy, but until then I hadn’t quite realised just how unhappy I was.

And then on Tuesday morning, I resigned.

I’ve talked about expanding your comfort zone (by doing ridiculous things like freefalling to your inevitable death on a zipwire) but I can tell you now, the best way to get rapid and expansive growth in your comfort zone is to quit your job.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more motivated to get up and do something, knowing that in 4 weeks’ time I could be out of work completely, struggling to pay my mortgage, and on the cusp of becoming the next top salesman for The Big Issue. I could end up homeless, or worse, back at my parents.

But a funny thing happened. Well, two funny things really. And not even funny, just amazing.

The first was that the act of handing in my notice immediately freed me of any burden I felt about work. All the shit from management; the same questions day in, day out; the constant undermining, underappreciation and unfulfillment immediately disappeared.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so liberated before. Admittedly I’ve never tried skinny-dipping, so my comparisons are limited, but the closest sensation I could describe would be the one you get when you’ve finished your final exam at school.

I am a minimalist and I understand the relief you get from unburdening yourself with possessions, so perhaps this is a better comparison, but even the amount of clothes, DVDS, magazines and keyring collections; unused crockery and random gadgets that I used once; and assorted items that I’ve been presented with on ‘significant occasions’ that I’ve got rid of have not even scratched the surface with the relief you get with going ‘fuck this, I am done’, flipping your desk, and strutting out of the office to epic music and explosions.

I mean none of that last bit happened; I got a nasty email that I responded to in kind along with a footnote that said I’d be leaving, but it was fucking good.

The second amazing thing that happened was that almost immediately, people came out in support of my decision and gave me options for what to do next.

This is the thing about expanding your comfort zone. You take risks in order to expand it; to feel like you’ve conquered something that was previously unknown or impossible to you; but in order to take risks, you need to be comfortable knowing that there is a safety net somewhere on the way down. It’s a symbiotic relationship, a positive feedback loop – the more risks you take, the more comfortable you are to take further risks.

What I found out is that my safety net is a lot bigger than I ever imagined and it’s overwhelming, really. I’m so grateful for all of the people that I have around me that have passed on job descriptions; that have extended offers of places to stay; that have even just acknowledged that they are there for me – I cannot thank you enough.

If I’d have known, I would have taken this risk a long time ago and I’m really struggling to work out why I didn’t do this sooner.

I have always realised just how fortunate I am to be in the position I’m in, and I’m by no means going to patronise anybody by going ‘Hey, go quit your job, it’ll be fine honest!’ when I know that it isn’t that easy for a lot of people. I don’t have children to think about, or a significant other, or a dependent relative where the repercussions of me making a selfish decision could deeply impact on their wellbeing. I don’t have that, so I know this isn’t for everyone. If none of that describes you though, and you hate your job – quit. Now. I will even write that email for you, but it’ll simply say ‘nah, not for me boss’ and have that meme attached of the minion dropping the mic and walking away.

People have said to me that it takes guts to do what I’ve done, which might feel like it’s true in this age where to risk the things you own might seem the same as risking your life itself, but it’s really not. I want people to realise that whatever you think the worst case scenario is (‘If I don’t have a job, how will I pay for this 52” TV that I don’t need? How will I succumb to marketing that makes me think I need a 54” TV? What if I don’t own it, nobody will ever truly love me, and I’ll die alone, in standard definition, with just a gramophone scratching at a record in the background, is that what you want for me?) it definitely won’t be as bad as that in reality.

You can have these words tattooed on me in 4 weeks time, when I’m wandering round just wearing a sandwich board that says ‘My comfort zone has expanded…’ on the front; and ‘… in to the porch at McDonalds’ on the back.

The only question I’ve really had this week has been ‘So what now?’ and this is a fantastic question, one I don’t currently know the answer to, but that feels like the answer could be absolutely anything.