#like i guess what im trying to say is that im feminine but i dont FEEL feminine

[mejomonster]

Being nonbinary and dressing feminine sometimes despite very much not being a woman is. Its like hello strangers hello new friends im making please dont immediately steamroll

[girljpg]

my friend telling me the details of her upcoming lipo procedure makes me want to start smashing stuff fr

[eruhamster]

not to be annoying but i do think a lot of people mischaracterize falin. shes got the most drastic canon v fanon thing going on. which i guess makes sense bc 1. we dont see much of her and 2. lot of the fan stuff are anime-onlies that have seen even less

but i think like a good 90% of the time i see falin-centric art or posts im like hrm hrm hrm thats all wrong no nope no-siree

she's just a cool chick that takes life as it comes, doesn't hold grudges even against a mother that apparently was trying to beat the magic outta her, finds her older brother the coolest person in the world, and has autism about observing life (and death, she loves the ghosts she has a connection to) and nature and taking care of things (including taking care of her brother, which is why she's even in the dungeons; she saw her scrawny mess of a brother and decided she had to fix that).

and i think my favorite part that people don't talk about is... she would have done the same for marcille or laios if it were one of them that was eaten. you could see it in her eyes:

it's what shuro misunderstands about her. it's easy to see her feminine, cute, good girl pieces and forget the rest of her. but she loves things to an ends-of-the-earth extent; the kind of caring that makes you a little insane. and that's how I think she and laios end up on the same page with their weirdness. they have different interests, but they are the same level of committed to those interests.

it's easy to love her, because she probably loves you just as much, if not more.

EDIT: for the love of god stop reblogging this only to add some comment or tag or reply saying 'op you forgot [BLATANTLY FANON INTERPRETATION]'. falin as we know her is not a pushover/people pleaser/infantilized, see this version of my post. also stuff like 'female shuro was in love with laios in the genderbent comic' and 'falin was going to marry shuro because she felt bad' are just things you made up in your head

[gayhenrycreel]

we got to talk about this bizarre... pressure to be non binary coming from certain people.

honestly, i think its rooted in exorsexism/enbyphobia, which may seem counterintuitive, but hear me out.

when i came out as a binary guy, i wanted to test what i was comfortable with in gender presentation. i tried on some nail polish, and then my mum tried to say i was non binary... which im not, im a guy.

ive also heard of butches going through the reverse.

certain cis people learned that non binary people exist, and dont even know that its an umbrella term that has no set definition. a seemingly cis masculine guy could use he/him pronouns but not care about gender and so consider himself non binary. but some people dont understand how this is possible.

some cis people think non binary = androgynous or gnc, resulting in attempted allies thinking feminine men and masculine women have to be non binary.

these people of course also are weird about non binary people who are not woman lite. its its own form of exorsexism.

in my experience, certain queer spaces find masculinity to be frightening, and will pressure masculine people to be more androgynous, or even feminine. id guess that theyd probably find too much femininity to be annoying.

gender is a social construct, but no one is obligated to break it. i enjoy masculinity because it feels natural to me. pink is also a social construct, itself being light red, but people can still like pink more than darker reds.

gender is a bit silly, and you can join in if you want. if you don't like it you can opt out.

cis folk trying to be supportive need to understand that sex, gender, and clothes are entirely separate, unless you personally like joining them for yourself and no one else.

[exitwound]

the “demure” thing is a fat Latina trans woman being ironic about wearing a full beat to work it’s not that serious I promise you….

i know who jools lebron is and i dont have any problem w her original video i know its ironic .. Im just annoyed by the way other people are using her audio... Ive seen so many reels just being unironic or weird about it like thats straight up a step backwards for women babes... its not that serious and i adore the ever evolving language of the internet. but the demure and mindful thing specifically is part of a trend of people using irony to critique the dominant culture and it going viral and being re-used by that very dominant culture but stripped of its irony. another example rn of that rn is hozier's "too-sweet" and the overall depoliticization of his music through his popularity... not to mention trends that were never critiques in the first place... girl dinner... im just a girl... clean girl.. ykwim. and im like barely online tumblr is my main social media this is just what I pick up from the noise.. ..I would maybe guess that the current obsession with girlhood is in part people directly participating and trying to take for themselves an obsession with (an objectified) femininity that has always existed in this culture--its often this very subtle trendy twitter-esque kind of post-irony or post-post-irony or whatever you want to call the ambivalence there, and it makes a lot of sense to me... the use of maximalist and hard to make sense of language to make sense out of a world that is ever more defined by an equally hard to make sense of and almost absurdist overconsumption... even though it often goes sour. Im not saying its the end of the world or anything but I just dont like the vibes of how popular it got especially because it just feels like part of a larger pattern of similar things

Like. its annoying

[gettinontopic]

This is so transphobic like what the hell is this

↓Screenshot↓

↑Screenshot↑

[Image Id: A large addition to a tumblr poat reading "Also if I'm going to be honest, passing as a man is also just easier than passing as a woman. The rules to being a man and passing as a man are much more lenient than being a woman or passing as a woman. Trans women have to worry about shit like "I need to wear an outfit that distracts people from the fact I have an adams apple, and not allow people to see that I have shoulders, and learn makeup and basically become a voice actor and etc. and maybe I won't be called a man today" (and if you pass too well and the wrong cis guy feels guilty about being attracted to you, you get murdered meanwhile if you're a trans guy and you wanna pass as a man, you gotta like have short hair and hide or remove your boobs and at this point you can already just go to the grocery store and most people will see you as a man. Once you get facial hair and a deeper voice, most people will just see you as some guy. Like I don't understand why transmascs insist on this idea that they could never really pass. Like the idea that trans man who passes is almost far-fetched. Weird as hell." End Id]

Lets upack this shall we?

1."Passing as a man is easier than passing as a woman"

No it's not. The rules to being a man and passing as a men as strict as lots of rules for women. Have you ever seen a cis guys who fails to pass? They're called names, theyre physically beat, and theyre often ostracized from their cis peers just as fast as any trans person. Cis boys cant even pass half the time by the rules they made. Quit fucking lying about men just magically having it so easy.

Your experiences as passing as a man aren't universal and if you've never passed as one what makes you think it's fucking easy?

Also god forbid you're a black man, or a black man who is into something deemed feminine. Shit I've seen guys call black men women for wearing a damn hair bonnet.

Oh not to mention I'm only a man to transphobes when they can call me a "dangerous black man" only to switch back to tryibg to detransition me by saying "you can just be a masc girl!"

2.Adams apple

While you have to hide yours, I have to wear shit that distracts people that I *don't* have one. Cause, and I know this is wild, if they expect you not to have one for being a women, what do they expect me to have for being a man? Hmm? And if you're a man who's adams apple never came in? I've seen them called girls to. Shit I've heard a guy called not manly for missing his, and he was still in puberty!!

3.Shoulders

While you have to hide you shoulders, I have to do whatever I can to have the.. small shoulders on men? maybe if youre in a "non manly" field like music or art, but I do gym work. I better look likeit regardless of the disability that effacts my muscles growth and development or I am called maam by every guy there. Which sucks btw.

4. Makeup and voice acting:

Trans men also are regularly advised to wear makeup that masculinizes them and do voice training. thats some of our oldest passing tips. thats litterally never been unique to trans women. what the FUCK kinda of implications are you trying to put out here?

5. Murder:

Hey did you know cis guys will murder trans men bc they were attracted to them and then found out they werent "real men" and then kill them. shit cis women also kill us if they find out they were attracted to us and we aren't their ideal man anymore. do u know how men who hear im butch and into women behave?

Fuck right the fuck off trying to tokenize the murder lf trans women while throwing trans men murders in the "that doesn't happen" bin.

6. How many times have we said short hair and no boobs dont fucking automatically gets us gendered correcly!! We have voices that have to be trained, we have muscles were expected to build,and some men even watch the way you walk to guess if you have a dick or not.

Listen to any trans men. any of us for five minutes. those things do not making an easily passing trans man fuck you for lying about our experiences as not a trans man.

7. "You gotta like have short hair or remove your boobs"

Untrue! just Untrue. we also have to preform the rules of manhood really well. ive seen beareded transmen clocked for like so many different other reasons and you wouldn't listen to those men if it would save all trans people lives forever. cis men constantly dig at other men presentation to keep each other in line. Its a regular for them.

Also: not all of want to pass with those features. I deserve to have long hair and not bind and still pass as a man and you suck for defining everything around passing.

8. I don't know why you insist on this idea that trans women never really pass without obscene work (when ive met trans women that admit they have it easy by throwing on a dress and wearing her hair down) and that all trans men who have ascess to transition magically do pass (When multiple of us transitioning have said we dont)

If we can't talk about the ones who don't pass then you kinda can just sweep away the idea we don't face discrimination or danger and that's getting us killed actually.

None of us have said we can all never really pass any who say they can't are usually speaking on their own experiences. Because you want us all to pass so bad you don't care that we don't, and that it gets us backlash and hurt.

Also, if you ever read this, kiss my black ass and go reevaluate what makes you think you should speak on experiences that aint yours as if you're the one with the Hard Cold Facts.

[i-know-you-know-we-know-lee-know]

Skz hyung line react to being called good boy

Guess what?

Im not dead

ʸⁱᵖᵖᵉᵉ

Sorry i dropped off the face of the earth for like three weeks

I dont really have an excuse for it lmao

But hey! My ult groups both had comebacks so that's a plus ig

Also i kinda changed my organization style a bit bc it fit better with what i was writing

Warnings: slightly suggestive(?) fluff, read at your own risk ig, mild cursing, Minho is probably the most suggestive so you can skip if it makes you uncompfy, readers gender is not specified but they do wear more "feminine" clothes in Minho's, mentions of food

Maknae Line

Chan

Shook

Is the only way i can describe it

Literally whips his head around with he most bewildered expression on his face

Ya know?

Kinda like that

Anyways

Scenario~

You had been feeling a bit ✨mischievous✨ lately and decided to prank Chan. Luckily he was a very compatible victim and had not a single clue what you were doing.

"Channie can you get that box from up there"

You say, looking to him for help with the box you had definitely not put up on the top shelf earlier needed to get down

Chan, being the chivalrous bf he is, plucks the box down from the top shelf and hands it to you.

"good boy" you say, standing on your tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek and walking away nonchalantly.

"your welco- wait what" Chan says, looking at you flabbergasted as you walked away from him.

But soon he grins and sets off after you down the hall

"good boy huh? I could get used to that"

UHM

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN GOOD SIR?

...

*realises i just wrote that*

I-

What?

Anyways moving on

Minho

Ok so there's two options

1. 😏

2. 😐

Or both

But most likely 1

" min can you come in here?"

You call out to your boyfriend, awkwardly holding the top of your dress up while the back hangs open.

"hmm? Yeah what do you need love- oh"

He stops behind you and you can see his eyes in the mirror traveling from your reflected face to the front of your dress to thr back and down lower-

"will you quit staring at my ass and help me with my dress"

You say, meeting his eyes in the mirror as he grins

"how can i help it when you look like this?"

He says, causing heat to rise on your cheeks as you feel his hands warm on your back

He laces up the back of your corset top dress and ties it at the end, stepping back to admire his work

You turn around to see what he's done and find it acceptable

"good boy" you say, turning back around to smooth out the front of your dress

Minho freezes, blinks a few times, then smirks and leans down over your shoulder

"good boy?" he says with a raised eyebrow "are you trying to make us late to the party?" he murmurs in your ear, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him

You were in fact late to the party and although you told everyone you simply lost track of time (which was technically true) your lipstick peeking out from Minho's collar which he "forgot to rub off" told a different story

No thoughts

Head empty

(except Minho, he's always in there)

⸜( •⌄• )⸝

Changbin

He is also shook

But in a more innocent way?

Kinda?

Like he doesn't know how to react but he thinks he likes it

He definitely likes it

The two of you were going on a nice walk out in the park and were having a lovely time.

You decided to stop on a bridge to look over the edge and take a break from walking for a bit.

Changbin was telling you about his past week and how busy it had been when he noticed your shoe was untied.

"we've been practicing almost every day for such a long time now im glad i get a break today- hey your shoes untied"

He stoops down, still talking and ties your shoe for you while you watch him.

You've tried telling him you can tie your shoes on your own but alas, he doesn't listen so you've gotten used to it.

But this time you decided to pull a little prank on him.

"good boy" you say to him as he stands back up to your level.

"and on tuesd- what" he stops mid sentence, looking at you confused. "what did you just say?"

You frown, faking confusion

"what? I didn't say anything"

"yes you did i heard you"

You laugh, linking your arm with his and pulling him along the walking trail.

"you shouldn't say things like that in public baby it sounds wierd"

You glance up at your boyfriend, who's face now has a red tinge and laugh again

Who knew you could get him so worked up with just two words?

*sighs*

God i love him so much

🥰

Hyunjin

Boi likes it

But doesn't show it

Because he's too shy to admit he wants you to say it again

But he might ask

Might...

Hyunjin had been watching movies with you for the past few hours and had just gotten up to make yet another bowl of popcorn for the two of you.

He came back with a heaping bowl for both of you to share and held it just out of arms length from you.

"isn't there something you'd like to say to me?" he asks, looking down at your small form curled up on the couch.

"please?"

"close, but not quite"

Hyunjin grins, still holding the bowl just out of your reach.

"im looking for two wor-"

"good boy"

He freezes, and you take advantage of his confused state to lunge and grab the bowl.

He takes a few seconds to fully process what you just said and flops down on the couch next to you.

"why'd you say that?" he mumbles, shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

You laugh "to see your reaction"

Hyunjin sits in silence for a few moments, contemplating life and processing the last few seconds

"say it again"

"say what again?"

"...you know"

You laugh

"good boy, Hyunjin"

Don't you just love it when Hyunjin system malfunctions? 🥰

hehehe

I enjoyed writing this

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[angel---eater]

im so curious what u mean by the vriskafication of jegbert? /genq

ive been watching the hs fandom from afar since the epilogues were dropped.

this is a rlly good question- i have a lot of thoughts and feelings abt june and how the fandom has taken to her her and is now portraying her in popular fanon. im so sorry this has gotten so long. im also sorry if i say smth you or anyone reading this disagrees with, but in my experience this is kind of inevitable when it comes to the topic of june egbert, trans characters who havent come out in canon yet, and trans headcanons as a whole. this shits personal to all of us and we all have different perspectives on transness, and oftentimes how we view transness in fiction is very much coloured by our own gendered experience.

it boils down to: can we please fucking let trans girls live. we are so fuckin weird about transfem folks and trans girls/women, even in fiction. sometimes especially in fiction, actually. especially on this gd website. if i have to see one more person defending june (and tgirl roxy) as a concept, and through that, defending real life transfems existences by talking about girldick or being a sweet docile sugary femme babygirlie kittycat, i will turn everyone into a fucking goldfish and flush you all one by one down my toilet. this, again, also extends to how a lot of the fandom handles trans headcanons in general, regardless of gender. all of what im about to say is from watching the homestuck fandom and fanon grow and change over 10+ years, basically since the beginning on this site specifically

some disclaimers for my trans resume i guess: i am intersex. i am plural. we as a system identify systemwide as transfemasuline or transneutral in an attempt to both honor and not speak over each other in terms of gender expression and individuality, while also trying to condense our existence for singlets to understand better, faster. we dont have time to explain all our shit all the time lol. we have transfems and transmascs in our system and everyone getting a fair, even chance at their preferred presentation is how we roll. we have lived a transfemasculine life. you cant put us in a single blue or pink corner, it wont work we are immune to that bullshit.

the vriskafication of june egbert is basically me trying to short-hand describe the way that ive seen some fans portray june post-transition by turning her into a mean girl[tm] type of person. there's also the roxyfication of june egbert, where other people make her a ditzy bimbo who can do no wrong because 'shes a girl now' and thats apparently how ppl still think girls should behave?? jegbert's canon personality traits need not apply anymore, apparently, bc that was icky boy behaviour. ghostbusters who? she likes shopping now. fanon june is sometimes eerily similar or exactly like vriska (fanon, woobified vriska, mind you, bc we still cant get a grasp on vriska as a fandom either) while also dressing very high femme and only high femme. because she has to perform someone elses femininity (spoiler: our own concept of what girls 'should look like' to be considered girls) instead of her dads masculinity now. shes either mean like vriska, or dumbed down like fanon roxy, who again has been watered down into a ditzy dumb girly girl who has done nothing wrong ever, bc shes 'just a girl', and bc people get Uncomfy when fictional tgirls do bad things. and oh boy has canon roxy done some bad things

as a counterpoint to my aesthetic based grievances, which are entirely personal- you can portray june egbert however you want. i personally invision her as very butch, but i could be totally wrong! im not even trying to make guesses here! this is my personal make-believe! she is not a real person and has never actually appeared as herself in canon. we dont know what junathan would/will be like during and post-transition. we dont know what an egg crack event will do to them. but some of the ways ive seen june portrayed feels........ off, personality wise. very off. and thats what i care about. it feels like malgendering in way too many cases, with the ditzy girliepop/catty girlbully thing. its straying too close to the tgirl brand of madonna/whore that tfems have to face in real life constantly. this is especially bad for tgirl roxy but i'll get to how fanon vs canon roxy is handled later

i use the word 'vriskafication' bc like vriska, june egbert (meaning tgirl jegbert, previously known as john in fandom and currently as john in canon, just to hammer it home that june and john are the same person, because some fans do seem to forget that john is living life believing shes a boy and a man right now and i dont think that should be erased) is still a pretty polarizing concept. fans either love her and disregard jegbert as ever having been john, or they disregard her as a concept in favour of how john is right now in canon. or theyre just straight up transmisogynistic about it bc they want their yaoi or their het ships. and BOY are some of the fandom not shy about that. which actually leads me into my next disclaimer:

im not including tboy/tmasc john headcanons in the above statement. i do not care about fighting over trans headcanons. i think that shit is just disrespectful and pointless and juvenial. you are fighting for nothing. june/john will not thank you for fighting for their trans rights bc they are not real and have no rights. june is not canon (yet) because she has not had that realization yet, and we dont know if/when she will. and genderbend aus have been a thing since the dawn of fandom anyway. more than one type of headcanon can exist at the same time. we are playing pretend. headcanons will never be proper representation. we are fans, not corporate entities or big directors or production teams churning out content for mass audiences. john has been considered a cis boy for FAR longer than june has been a popular concept, and you dont know how long someone has had or how close to someones heart their trans headcanon is, regardless of what flavour of trans headcanon it is. its rude. some of yall are so fucking mean for no reason other than 'you cant sit with us. on wednesdays we wear pink' rules. very intentional reference there

and i mean okay, roxy. big pink elephant in the room. no one respects or even acknowledges the fact that roxy in the Meat timeline is transmasc and currently only uses he/him, and when they do they're bullied fuckin relentlessly and ostracised from fandom spaces. ive seen entire hate campagns specifically for badmouthing transmasc roxy fans to try to get them to stop posting tmasc roxy stuff, or to see it as transmisogynistic violence akin to shooting a real trans girl live on tv. i have seen these comparisons be made on this site. ive seen others get actually violently transphobic about it back in 2019-2022, and even now. ive talked to fans who were mass dogpiled and harrassed off tumblr for liking meat!roxy's direction, or even just not publicly condemning him while having a neutral stance. i myself have been instablocked from servers and off of ppls blogs for thinking tmasc roxy is cool and a good plot point for his overall personal arc, especially in juxtaposition with roxy's pregnancy in candy, and how that affected her rship with her body and her gender. ive been called horrible things for even considering roxy to be anything but DMAB. that chapter in candy where we get a glimpse inside roxy's head about gender was beautifuly written with a lot of tact for trans people who can be or have been pregnant and enjoyed it, something that is INSANELY RARE. UNHEARD OF, EVEN, IN MEDIA. so this really isnt about trans rights or representation from my perspective. its just gendered bullying and a whole lotta white knighting from people who are majoratively not even fucking transfem.

the same notes of trans coding for roxy that fans deem only as transfem could be seen as coding for transmasculinity too. yes, including the XY thing. does anyone remember what foreshadowing is. and all of this even depends, hinges, on whether hussie intentionally wrote ANY of the human kids as trans initially or had it planned from the very beginning, which i really really really dont think she did!!! in 2009??? yeah fucking right!!!! the entire thing about roxy and jane pressuring dirk and jake into relationships is about cis girls feeling posessive of and entitled to queer boy's bodies and attention, because its something they cant have, and cis girls are seen as a group of people physically incapable of harm, which is misogyny that directly effects cis girls/womens victims. its a direct mirroring to cis boys doing the same to queer girls. and as much as i love all flavour of trans reads for the alpha kids in fandom, i dont think i wouldve appreciated it in canon. i wouldve hated it, actually. it waters down the message and makes everything far too messy and open to bad faith interpretation. we need more trans characters doing bad things in media, but the era the alpha kids section of HS1 was being published was NOT the time. an inarguably canon tgirl character preying on an inarguably queer tboy in 2011-2012? there would have been blood in the streets. i VASTLY prefer fanon interpretations when it comes to the alpha kids being trans. i trust fans way more, but i obviously still have reservations about that which is why im here writing all this

to further back this up- hussie has also openly discussed having her eyes opened to queer issues BY queer fans WHILE HS1 was still being updated!!! THATS why you can see a gradual influx of genuine queerness in homestuck as you read it!!! the vagueness of the trans coding we percieve in the text is why tboy john is still so popular!!! WAY more trans experiences, especially in childhood, are more similar than The Current Discourse bad actors will try to have you believe. please dont believe them, they're not right in the head and the ppl trying to convince you that someone has it The Absolute Worst are lying to you. we all have it bad, thats how oppressive systems work. its just in different patterns for indiviuduals. a middle class trans persons oppression can and often will look VASTLY different to a poor trans persons oppression bc different axis of oppression are at work. it depends on the type of person our oppressors label us as, they dgaf if anyone identifies as TME or TMA. thats a little beside the point but its absolutely contributed to how fans treat fictional trans characters, especially in the last few years

i hate hate hate the ideology in this fandom that one trans interpretation or headcanon is more valuable, or hits harder, or is more idk narratively transcendient or powerful than The Other, so The Other is deemed boring/bland/sauceless/whatever and deserves all the hate and takedowns and dismantling and nitpicking it gets. the fans of this Other Trans Headcanon deserve their hate and calls to kill themselves because theyre just Wrong About It. but thats not true. none of that is true. you just dont vibe with other flavours of fanmade trans narrative. and thats completely fine actually. its literally like preferring carrot cake to raspberry pie. it is on that level outside of transphobic biases, and i sincerely believe that a lot of fans start out on that level, but dip into transphobic biases because of the constant fucking weird moral panic about trans girls, and by extension, young trans people as a whole. which is not fine. whats also not fine is attacking fans of trans characters over said trans characters gender, canon or interpreted!!!

to tie this tf up bc i dont want this to go on for any longer than it has, im so so SO SO SO tired of fanon june and roxy being trans girls first and foremost over their actual characterization. and im even MORE tired of the word 'girl' being taken in fiction to mean dumb, sweet, (white)feminine, wouldnt hurt a fly, so so cuddlysoft, girlboss it up girlfriend, you cant sit with us, im such a cool bitch, im cooler than you dumb gross boy because im a girl, what personality i dont have one i dont need one because im a girl.

so much of fandom has forgotten that roxy is fucking mean and WILL ignore whatever doesnt fit her whims/wants and will plow through her closest friends and loved ones regardless of the situation at hand because of what she wants. she canonically admitted to harrassing dirk on the daily because she wanted him, because she was lonely and couldnt see past her own hurt to see that she was also hurting her friend. and oh my god, mom lalonde, worlds first abscent mother who swears up and down that she loves you really, rosie posie, its just that mommy's real hungover again and also very busy. that is BRILLIANT characterization for a female character, and its been forgotten behind the big pink bedazzled neon ITS A GIRL sign. and the same has been happening with june!!! and it sucks!!!! us transfems are just people we are JUST people. i dont want trans girl characters only point of characterization to be trans and girls!!!! i dont want talking heads and perfect cardboard cutouts in lipstick!!!! when june happens i want her to be exactly the same as when she was john because thats who i became enamoured with in HS1 and thats who i watched grow up in the epilogues and THATS who i want to see finally find their place in paradox space as herself. i want her personality intact, and i dont want to see her forget or turn her back on her childhood and teen and young adult years. i dont want june to be fanon vriskafied

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

Hi! I've got an au to share with you! I love your writing and the ideas you have for all of these different aus, i feel like im being fed a three course meal 🤤. Bonus points if you want to write a little one-shot based on this, feel free not to, tho! I see you're pretty busy with other aus, so I'd be perfectly happy just hearing your imput- but if this tickles you, feel free to write something for it 😝 (no pressure, of course)

My au is a fluffy whore!Adam au!

Just tit fluff, Angel Dust style, bonus points if he's pink and feminine.

Maybe he works for Valentino, because Adam was so desperate after falling and to save whatever dignity he had left, he didn't go to the hotel or ask Lucifer for help.

Of cause Angel is super pissed because some new hire is nearly becoming as popular as him? Like the fuck? This rando JUST signed a contract!

He's super shocked when he finds out it's Adam (I dont think Val or the rest of Hell would know), he's even more shocked when he's acting like a total whore (I guess this is on parr with the succubus au- don't sue me pls).

Angel complains to Husk, Husk either gossips to Alastor or Alastor over hears (more like easedrops because he's a bitch like that). So Alastor uses this information to maybe torment Lucifer a little.

Alastor: a little pussy cat told me that a certain first man is making quite the name for himself in the entertainment scene- he's well on his way to becoming Hells number most sort after porn star (insert old timey word for porn star lol)

Lucifer: Adam? He's dead asshole. I'm the king of Hell, I'd be able to tell if he was still alive-

Alastor: ah, so not only are you a useless father, but you're also a poor excuse for a king! I've seen him myself- feel free to book a session, he's expensive~ (I like to think Alastor booked a session with Adam, it could be for sexual, torture or humiliation purposes or all of the above)

Alsator shadows away before Lucifer can reply or attack him.

Lucifer manages to book an appointment threw Valentino, who by the way, was not a pleasure to work with. And boy, Adam was not cheap. Because of Adam's contract he's not allowed to speak about anything that isn't fucking, flirting or dirty talk while on the job, so while Lucifer is trying to get any information out of Adam while shoving him to the ground (I like the idea that Lucifer would be violent with Adam if he saw him again, just for the angst of cause).

Adam can't say anything of use, just choking out "harder Daddy", and other words that makes Lucifer think he's a carbon copy of Angel Dust.

Lucifer can't decide if he's concerned about Adam or finds it funny. Maybe at first he had a good laugh at Adams expense, but when he didn't snap back or insult him, Lucifer was kind of taken aback.

After throwing Adam around for a bit, trying to get him to talk to him like he use to, but all he's saying is cringey one liners, he has no idea what to do. He's not even making it obvious that he knows Lucifer, just calling him "you're highness" and coming up with sexual scenarios about what a king could do to a little sinner like him.

That's all I've got, but I'm kinda keen for it. I think I've strayed away from the Succubus au, this one is just more horny and angst filled. Also Adam being on the short end of the stick when dealing with Valentino? What better way to piss Lucifer off.

Anyway- let me know what you think 😫🙏

Ooooh I love this so much, let Adam be a little whore. And no of course he wouldn't be cheap lol

Thank you!! There is so much I want to write.

Maybe one day. I really love this idea.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I finally read again today, chapters 34-39 this time

Usually I read these books in german while on the bus but today I forgot my book, but fortunately, I had some time to go to the library and they had it, but only in english. And since I was sitting at a table with my phone, I was able to take notes live as I read, and I'd like to share those with you rather than doing what I usually do and trying to sum up all of my thoughts a few hours later

Chapter 35:

the fact that NO ONE in the summer court recognized Feyre is absolutely ridiculous, it really is like her accomplishments from the first just vanished, no wonder so many people recommend just skipping ahead to MAF i bet that would make the reading experience wayyyyy less frustrating

shes cursing herself from being so out of shape despite Cassian's 'lessons' and that reminds me, at the start of ACOMAF her internal monologue and other characters kept remarking on how thin and frail she had become and I dont think its come up since she started staying at the NC permanently, great mental health rep girlie

"I let instinct, no doubt granted from Rhys, guide me forward." Come onnnnnnnn, can Feyre not be cool on her own for one (1) moment

"Amarathan did not break that kindness [from before UTM]." no, but Rhys sure did

Once again, Feyre is horrified at her violating Tarquin's mind, rightfully so, and yet she continues to hang out with His Majesty, The King of Violating Minds

Rhys tells Feyre that she "thinks like an Illyrian", which is very strange to me given that Illyrian women are literally not allowed to do anything other than housework and Illyrian men are seemingly all violent misogynists whom Rhys hates

Chapter 36:

"I'd bet they wouldn't have handed over that book" but you didnt ask them though??? Like, they couldve just told Tarquin about their plans, he seems reasonable enough, even if Cresseida and Varian dont agree, he as high lord should be able to override their opinions easily and if that doesnt work out THEN you can go ahead and steal it. Sure, maybe they wouldve trippled security and/or thrown them out of the SC but that should hardly be an obstacle for The Most Powerful Highlord In The History Of Prythian and his eldritch girl best friend

Okay, so Rhysand did pack illyrian leathers for her which is nice, but still, I see no reason why Feyre had to wear dresses for this (and be okay with wearkng dresses when she absolutely wasnt at the start of ACOMAF) when the NC clearly has more feminine fashion involving pants

Theres lead in this vaguely medieval fantasy world?? And theyve had for like centuries?? That seems weird to me I'll have to look into that i think

Okay, so Feyre shapeshifted into Tarquin and she says that she didnt let any part of herself that wasnt Tarquin shine through while she opened the books locks, but those shapeshifting powers are Tamlin's though. That has some very interesting implications but tbh idk if I trust sjm to have thought about it that much

"I am summer; I am sea and sun and green things" that just sounds kinda silly, also I feel like it shouldve been "I am sea and sun and golden sand" given the beach vibes that the Summer Court has

Chapter 37:

note to self: lookup what Leshon Hakodesh is exactly bc theres no way its not some random mythological term that sjm is just dropping into her world [edit: its just the jewish term for 'the Holy Tongue', im not gonna question the implications of that any more than im gonna question the existence of Nyx as a minor goddess or something in this world]

Rhysand doesnt tells anyone jackshit and Cassian is ready to stab Amren if she dares go against him, why are these jokers friends again?

Chapter 38:

granted, its been a while since I read this book and my memory isnt the best, but why exactly does Rhysand need to keep the 'why' of their mission secret? wasnt their mission just to find the cauldron before Hybern does and prevent a war with prythian and the human world?? I guess maybe Rhys doesnt wanna reveal his secret goodness or whatever, but he couldve just had Feyre act as some kind of emissary to the rest of Prythian, like, just have her pretend this is information she found out by herself at the Night Court and have her relay it to the other courts, Feyre has saved them before they have no reason not to listen to her

"'I think Tarquin wanted to be my friend.'" question, is Tarquin/Rhys a thing? Obviously Rhys doesnt deserve Tarquin but idk, there could be something there I think. they have some nice aesthetic contrasts

why would Feyre say stuff like "mother above" when thats not a deity she believed in for most of her life? Like, I already talked about how Feyre clearly had the impulse to pray in ACOTAR she just didnt do it because the names of the mortal gods have been long forgotten, but idk, I feel like her starting to embrace fae religion warrants more exploration. and fae religion in general warrants more exploration tbh

"'Its not the end of the world if you [make a mistake] every now and then'" hello??? Feyre, he made you steal from a man that has been nothing but kind to you for no reason and now theres a bounty on your heads!! And lets not forget that Rhys, Amren and Feyre are all highranking politicians in the night court, youre lucky the SC is too occupied with rebuilding itself to declare war on your asses

I keep saying this, its so infuriating how well Feyre and Rhysand already get along when theyve spent like, 2 or maybe 3 months if Im being very generous, worth of time together aside from their time UTM

god Feysand flirting is the most straight bullshit to ever straight bullshit I feel like im gonna die

Shes thinking about buying RED "lacy things" when that was meant to be a trigger for her, did no one edit this

"a sensual male voice chuckled with midnight laughter" istg the prose is so much worse in english

Feyre having to make herself focus to not look at Rhysand dick after he just had a horrible nightmare has the same energy as Bryce Crescent City thinking about how hot and muscular Hunt is while he just completely shut down because he had to kill someone

"The hole in my chest that was slowly starting to heal over" can you BE more unsubtle

Chapter 39:

Rhysand tattooing the symbol of the nightcourt onto both his knees because he "will bow for no one and nothing but his crown" is actually so funny, i wish he did more cringefail bullshit like that

I think out of all the inner circle relationships, I like Amren and Feyre the best so far and I absolutely do not believe that Cassian cares about Amren at all, much less sees her as family, that guy would kill her in a heartbeat if he could

forgive my aromanticness, but I really dont like the thing that Amren and Varian have going on, cant there be ONE character that doesnt have some stupid romance subplot in this world

Oh, so Mor telling Feyre very little of any specific plans they have is fine, but if someone from the spring court does it theyre the worst person ever

"[Cassian told me] that my family was full of bossy, know-it-all females" oh but hes sooooo much better than all those other illyrians who are all sexist brutes

Why are Beron and Helion the only ones with a last name

"[Strolling through Velaris with Mor] was perhaps my favorite, and the female certainly excelled at finding ways to spend money" are you fucking kidding me, are there actually people who consider a book with this kind of blatant 'women b shopping' bullshit to be feminist?

"'I wanted to protect my people, change the perceptions of the Illyrians, and eliminate the corruption that plagued the land'" wow Rhys and youve done such a good job at all of those things in the 500 years youve been on the throne

"[Tamlin] resented being High Lord — and maybe... maybe that was part of why the court had become what it was" ???? girlie what are you talking about, the spring court is fine right now it doesnt get destroyed until ACOWAR. which is also you fault

so Feyre is once again wearing a chiffon gown for political reasons when she could very well be wearing pants and shes completely fine with that. great

And Mor is wearing red and Feyre is completely unbothered by it, why give her a trigger like that if it just stops mattering the second shes out of the spring court

[labratdogheart]

idk idk it makes me sad sometimes how. i try to be masculine very deliberately in specific ways, so i actually be seen as masculine and not like. "pretty and feminine but in a boy way" and also like. butch and queer in my presentstion. and. my parents poke fun at me. and try to convince me to wear dresses, keep my hair long. god it was such a struggle to get the haircut i wanted this year

in fact i didnt get the haircut i wanted! i wanted to shave my head! but my dad was like oh thats not you people are either gonna think youre edgy or had cancer. like.???ghh. and my mum compared shaving my head. to self harm. so i decided not to shave my head and instead just to havr it short. and. then they made fun of me more! lol!!!! (like genuinely to a ridiculous degree i cant fucking explain)meanwhilr.

my brother has long hair and gets seen as masculine easily by everyone. hes treated as more mature than me even tho like. no hate to him reallt but. he is 2 years younger, he isnt as mature as me. but hes taller and more traditionally masculine so he gets more respect???? meanwhile i get called cute and adorable. and like like.

my parents say oh no we are equally making fun of you both but the way they make fun of my brothers hair is like. his hair is long and luscious and he takes good care of it. meanwhike for me its like. i dont know what to do with my hair and i look stupid. like. like. theres clearly such a difference. and like. god. my brother used to have this sparkly pink headband he would wear p often and my mum was always like. youre so brave! be yourself! im proud of you son!.

m. meanwhilr. meanhwulehshsgshshss. i wanted to wear a suit to a wedding last year and my mum pushed back SO hardgsggsshs. and. guess what! my little sister got to wear a suit??? and my mum wore a jumpsuit??? so. i was the only one in a dress!?!?!?!?!?i was the only one in a dress. the one person that definetly didnt want to be

[isatswap]

(full game isat spoiler (its technically act 3 but im not risking it))

Buddy Quest

TTOS version of Companion Quest (the mirabelle one)

(Isabeau is sitting here, looking at papers.)

Isabeau: Oh, h-hi, Loop! Do you need anything?

Loop: (Questions...)

"I actually forgot where everyone is..."

"Are you feeling fine?..."

"Nothing strange going on today?"

"So, which one will you pick?"

"Nah."

Isabeau: H-huh? What do you mean?...

(You point at his pile of papers.)

Isabeau: What- Isabeau: !!!!!!!!

(Isabeau suddenly seems flustered.)

Isabeau: UH Isabeau: UMMM

(Isabeau hides his face with his hands.)

Isabeau: gsfbdghkphowdoyouknoooooow.....

(!!!)

Loop: "Nononono sorry! I didn't mean to embarass you!" Loop: "You're choosing someone for something, right?" Loop: "And you seem very troubled by it, so i thought I could help!"

Isabeau: ... Isabeau: sigh...You're older, so you must know more about this. Isabeau: You can help, I think, if you want....

(Older than him? Why is that relevant?)

Loop: "Yeah, I will help."

Isabeau: Thanks! Um!

(Isabeau finally reveals his face again and fixes his glasses.)

Isabeau: This might take some t-time... So, um... You can come back later if youre busy...

Loop:

"Yeah, I have time."

"I'll come back in a moment..."

Isabeau: Ok! Good!!! Isabeau: So, ummm.... Sit down next to me?

(You sit down.)

(Isabeau is looking nervously at his knees.) (He looks worried... Maybe you should take the lead.)

Loop: "So, uh...what are these papers about?"

Isabeau: OH! Um.... Isabeau: ...Bonding proposals?....

(??? Bonding???) (Like, the one where you stay with someone forever???) (Is Isabeau looking for someone to bond with???????)

Isabeau: No waitwaitwait uhhhhh thatsnotwhatimeaaant

(You can see Isabeau struggling to not hide his face again.)

Isabeau: Sorry.... It's more like.... dating? Dating profiles! That's the name for it! I'm not bonding with anyone yet....

(Dating? Wow that's so cute of him you need to know more like right now.) (Although.... You would've never guessed, you didn't think he would be interested in that.)

Isabeau: Before the Scary Lady did the... uh.... thing.... I decided i wanted to try...dating! Yeah! Isabeau: And so I asked a dating company, and they gave me a bunch of papers with people I could meet and date and then the attack on the House happened--

(Isabeau inhales sharply. Poor sod forgot to breathe.)

Isabeau: So, um, I decided to do it now! Since we have some time! Isabeau: But...um... it only just today dawned on me that its like... about staying with someone forever... so I probably need help with this.... Isabeau: Also I... need to stop thinking about tomorrow. I'd rather be stressed about choosing a date than... that...

(Oh. Okay!)

(Dating was never your forte, but you would like to help Isa distract himself from tomorrow. He seems to be most worried about it.)

Loop: "Let's have a look, then!"

Isabeau: Yeah! I have some profiles right here!

(Isabeau takes out a MASSIVE folder from under his jacket.)

(Was he carrying that throughout all his journey???)

Isabeau: Okay! So! We should take turns! You can go first and tell me what you think!

(You take a random profile from the stack. Its a buff, strong looking man.)

(Is that someone Isa would like?....)

Loop:

"He looks cool?"

"Meh."

"We have one of those already, teehee~"

Isabeau: What? Who--

(Isabeau suddenly stops and gets a bit flushed.)

Isabeau: Awww, Loop! Don't say that so suddenly! Isabeau: But uh. Yeah. I dont know if i want to date them...

(Not his type, then. Probably.)

Loop: "Got anyone more feminine looking?"

(Isabeau looks through the stack and takes out a file.)

Isabeau: Like her?

(The file depicts a gentle looking lady.)

Loop:

"Looks pretty?"

"(Shrug)"

"Looks like if Mira wasn't buff...."

Isabeau: Yeah, you're right, I guess.... don't know still, though....

(Another indecisive answer. You probably need to be more specific.)

Loop: "What kind of people are you into, anyway?"

Isabeau: Oh....um....I don't....think i have one? I just like people. Different kinds of people. Yeah. Isabeau: That doesn't help, does it?

(You nod.)

Isabeau: ...What kind of people do you like, Loop?

(Oh, that may help! Maybe he'll agree with you on some types and that's how you find out what he likes?)

(....Alas, nothing comes to mind. You've never actually considered dating.)

Isabeau: Oh, you're struggling too?.... Isabeau: sigh.... Isabeau: OK, Loop. I'm going to confess. Isabeau: I actually like quite a few people from the profiles I've seen, but... I'm just.... too overwhelmed by this. Isabeau: Dating...and then bonding... it's just scary to me!

(Well, that explains some things. But then...)

Loop: "If it scares you so much.... why are you doing it?"

Isabeau: Well....

Isabeau: I really, really believe in Change. Isabeau: And the belief requires Change! With a capital C! Always bettering yourself, becoming different in the process! Isabeau: A-and one of the things to help you change is doing something that you've never done before! That's part of the reason Houses offer so many classes, actually... Isabeau: And you know I really wanted to change, so I tried new things! They were often fun and fulfilling...but... Isabeau: You can't just have easy fun most of the time! You need to challenge yourself! To step out of the comfort zone, you know!

(Out of the comfort zone, huh....)

Loop: "And that's why you're trying out dating?"

Isabeau: Yeah... That's why I picked it! It's scary and unknown to me! Isabeau: And also romantic love is one of the best ways to attain Change! Because it brings you so much new experiences! And... Isabeau: And I have to do it to be a Housemaiden, right? I need to find someone to love, and then bond with them, and.... Isabeau: And sleep with them.... and... do stuff.....and...have children....

Loop: "What about that makes you scared?"

Isabeau: The fact that I don't know what kind of person I would want to be with! And such permanent change is scary! And what if they don't like me! Do I even like myself! I don't know! But I feel like a fraud for not wanting to do it like all others.... Isabeau: And I feel bad that I can't just be happy with change like this....

(Wow.)

(That's not easy to digest.)

(But what if...)

Loop: "Do you even have to change?..."

Isabeau: OF COURSE I DO, LOOP!!! Isabeau: And not only have, I need to! And I want to! Isabeau: I want to change myself! To be stronger, to be braver, to be less anxious, to be that person that anyone can rely upon! Isabeau: I want to be a good Housemaiden, too! I like helping people, I like learning new things, I like bettering myself.... But.... Isabeau: This means I have to date someone..... And it not like I wouldn't like it's just...... Isabeau: It feels like if I just forced myself it would help me. Help me change. Help me stop being..... this. Isabeau: Stop being so weak and indecisive and anxious and nerdy and.... and.... Isabeau: ....and I still can't do it! Even if I really want to Change myself, to become someone different, someone I would like to know, someone I would like to be.... I can't. Crabbing. Do this part. Isabeau: ....

(....)

(Huh! You never knew Isabeau felt like this about himself.)

(You knew he was an avid follower of Change, but.....)

(...)

Loop: "Well, I don't know about this dating thing...."

Loop: "But! I think you are already brave."

Isabeau: ....?

Loop: "You went on this whole quest, not knowing if you would succeed, persevering through all the challenges you faced, despite the fact that your adversary has, like, almost otherworldly power." Loop: "Just to save your country." Loop: "That is bravery."

Isabeau: .....

Loop: "And because of it...." Loop: "I don't doubt that you can Change to be the person you want to be."

Isabeau: .... Isabeau: You.... You are right! I can do it! I don't know why, but after you said it, it became much easier for me to think it as well! Isabeau: Heh, I really did need a fresh pair of eyes.... I-I mean, one eye, I guess? Sorry....

(You laugh a bit.)

(You know he didn't mean anything bad by this.)

(He would never.)

Isabeau: Hehehe! Isabeau: ..But, I'm.... I'm still afraid a bit..... Isabeau: What if I'll never be able to date? What if I'll never be able to change in that way? What if--

Loop: "Isa."

Isabeau: ...?

Loop: "Maybe you need to slow down?"

Isabeau: Huh....? What do you mean?

Loop: "This thing with dating it just.... Sounds like you are trying to do too much." Loop: "I'm not a Housemaiden myself as you would know, but...." Loop: "There must be other ways to change in a meaningful way without having to push yourself this hard, right?"

Isabeau: ... Isabeau: ...Again, I don't know why, but after you've said it out loud it made me realise. Isabeau: I am doing too much! I don't really need to do this right this moment! Isabeau: I thought I needed to date to change myself to be someone I liked... Isabeau: But it's actually the reverse! I need to become someone I like to find out who I would want to date! Isabeau: Kinda put the cart before the horse here, haha....

Loop: "Yeah, you really need to..." Loop: "....hold your horses."

Isabeau: Yeah!!!!!!

(Isabeau lets out a hearty laugh.)

Isabeau: Haha... Isabeau: ...Are you Changed yourself, perchance?...

(....Oh.)

(....)

(You think about your starry skin.)

(....You don't remember.)

Loop: "No, teehee~"

Isabeau: Oh, nevermind. I just thought you might have went through something like this. Isabeau: In any case.... Isabeau: Thank you, Loop! Thank you so much for talking to me today! Isabeau: ....I need to think about this. And also about where should I put all these papers, hahah. You can go do your things, now.

(Isabeau smiles brightly at you.)

(You smile back with your eyes and go.)

[melancholiaenthroned]

i am officially one year on t and i wanted to write smth to commemorate it... i dont think i have anything too out there to say. ive been very lucky to have an extremely "by the books" experience with hrt and havent really had anything "surprise" me aside from in intensity.

i didnt expect the acne to be this bad. i didnt expect the places my sex drive in those first few months would lead me to (im probably not going to write more war and peace porn. i actually dont know what possesed me to do that). i didnt actually expect to be as happy as i am. so much of the low level dysphoria i didnt even realize was there vanished. so much dysphoria i still have is now at such a low level i no longer think of it every minute of every day.

my body still doesnt feel like "mine" or "me" but it feels much more comfortable. when i look down at myself im more likely to be pleasantly shocked at the body i inhabit than actively disgusted. i talk more, because i dont hate the sound of my own voice. i smile more, because im not hyper aware of my face and how others are perceiving it.

my biggest issues with hrt in this last year are almost exclusively the way other people have treated me for it. strangers are way more comfortable asking invasive questions than i wouldve expected. sometimes i can feel the disgust from people who knew me before my transition, which is the most upsetting. i dont think t made me ugly, or gross, or ruined my pure feminine body or whatever. but sometimes i think other people are thinking it. which isnt really my business but isnt exactly fun.

frankly my biggest issue has just been bureaucratic. ive been trying to get on t for many years before this and have run into stumbling block after stumbling block of referrals and appointments and miscommunications. so i guess be ready to really argue with medical professionals about vial expiration dates and dose sizes and topical estrogen.

sorry this is rambling and not really like. super coherent but 👍 my thoughts. heres to another year on t ^_^ peace and love on planet transgender

[mirukutchi]

Attempt 2 at writing this lol bc the first one got deleted by accident

I wanted to add my experience to that last post I rbed, bc it resonated with me, particularly the first part where men will call eachother 'girl' or 'feminine' as an insult(this is the only part im commenting on as i am not a transwoman so i have no input on that part of the post. )

I have pcos. I always have. I have a very strong masculine face/jawline. I always have. Ive always had a deep voice, as someone who was born a girl and identifies(at least in part) as a girl. I want this to be known bc its context lol

Guys are not the only ones who misgender as an insult, or to dehumanize others. Girls do it too.

When i was in elementary school i didnt have female friends bc all of them would laugh at me and say they didn't want to be friends with an 'ugly boy'

When i would go to the bathroom in-between classes, other girls would push me out, or yank me out physically and say that 'ugly boys' are not allowed in the girls bathroom.

My mom always made me have short hair, and she always made me wear jeans(and boy shirts bc they are more durable than girl clothes. This part was. Okay. I guess. I liked pokemon and ben 10 so my little brain didnt understand.) I was not allowed to have long hair and i was not allowed to wear dresses or skirts(ever since i was little ive wanted to wear only dresses but i was not allowed to...)

I talked like a baby(high pitched voice) for a good part of my childhood bc i knew that my voice was ugly and deep. When i started to go to speech therapy, i started speaking ""normally"" and my voice got so deep... i remember one of the last times i used my baby voice it was with a teacher and another student, and the student said "hey teacher, listen to (deadname?)'s REAL voice, she sounds just like a boy!"

That was a defining moment in my life.

In middle school, when i still wasnt allowed to have long hair and dresses, girls in my health class would look at me and laugh and whisper about how im actually a boy, and that i shouldnt be there. My face started changing too, my jaw got stronger... my voice got deeper.

I think in highschool people were too focused on other things to really bother me too much, plus people *generally* by that time knew me as a sweet and quiet person, not to mention i was the 'art kid' so that gained me some friends lol, also by highschool i was allowed to grow my hair out, down to my butt almost! And i was allowed to wear dresses and skirts and leggings(mostly leggings at that time bc i was still super skinny lol)

After highschool i had a crisis and shaved my head and tried out being a guy(ftm) but it was, personally, an identity crisis. I didnt know who i was, i had been abused, emotionally and sexually, all through high school by a guy i thought was my friend(i wish i had left sooner...) so i was struggling with what was 'me' plus i thought to myself 'everyone calls me a guy anyway so fuck it' but it gave me advanced dysphoria to be a guy :/

My hair is long now. Past my butt, i can sit on it. I only, exclusively, wear skirts and dresses. I wear a skirt to work bc i begged them to let me(i have autism and pants are a sensory nightmare but also i hate the way i look in them also i will look more like a guy)

Do you know how often i get misgendered? Admittedly not often, but it still happens. Usually its kids, but sometimes i get people calling me 'sir'. I want to scoff and be like 'how can they mistake someone with long braided pigtails and a dress for being a man' and then i remember my childhood.

Also im not writing this to detract from trans experiences, im writing my own experience as a woman-thing with pcos(if you dont know, it basically means that the cysts on my reproductive organs cause me to produce extra testosterone and not enough estrogen) who has frequently been misgendered by other girls

I want to clarify that im also only responding to the first part of the post, im not trying to say my experiences are in some way comparative to trans experiences!

Terfs do NOT touch this post ill shoot you on sight!!!!! Pew pew!!!

[uselessheretic]

ok like again i feel like people come to these conclusions about the show and use them as proof but forget that it might not actually be substantiated. like maybe chauncey did bully stede for being too fruity as a kid! but we dont actually ever see that on screen. best we got is him calling him baby bonnet. idk like im sure chauncey bullied stede too but the extent of that and reasons behind it arent actual facts laid out by canon!

i mean, stede says that he forgot that him and nigel were twins. its possible he remembers nigel more than he remembers chauncey if nigel was the one leading his bullying. we defs hear nigel mocking him in a way that feels like pointed attacks on his masculinity, that his “boat” is so tiny, he was always crying and picking flowers, that hes a coward, etc. but nigel isnt chauncey so even though we can theorize that chauncey bullied him in a similar manner, we cant actually say that as canon.

what we do know about chauncey is that hes a higher ranking official than nigel (admiral vs captain) hes respected enough to hold office with the king! the way he talks is also very different from nigel where they dont have the same mannerisms at all. i feel like we could reasonably theorize that chauncey is the more responsible twin and nigels a bit more… frat boy. chauncey calls stede baby bonnet, so hes obviously not fond of him and probably wouldve partook in his bullying as well.

im trying to see if any of the boys shown bullying him could be nigels “twin” ?? nigel on the far left

but the best i got is these two and tbh i dont think theyre styled similarly enough where i feel like they wouldve done smth with the hair and outfits to be more identical

but when it comes to how chauncey talks about stede, i feel like it has a different vibe than nigel? i mean, his big speech at the end at stede is so different than how nigel derides him.

“stede bonnet is not a human. youre a monster. a plague. you defile beautiful things. my dear brother. your own family. youve even managed to bring historys greatest pirate to ruin. and here you are, unscathed, gods perfect little rich boy.”

its fascinating to me how “you defile beautiful things” is often interpreted as stede not conforming to masculinity properly, but thats such a?? not masc thing to say? where his list of beautiful things is his brother, stedes family, and fucking blackbeard. its also a statement said with so much hatred, where he goes back to stede as a child even, describing him as gods perfect little rich boy.

i guess for me this doesnt read as something attacking stede for being gender nonconforming. it feels like something much deeper than that, speaking on jealousy and resentment at the privilege he may view stede as having. it feels like his hatred for stede has a lot more depth in comparison to nigel, whos obviously coming from a position of liking to fuck with stede, who even goes as far as inviting himself over for tea so he can continue his bullying.

but its like! yeah! chauncey couldve bullied stede for being feminine! but this isnt something that has been shown in the series.