#like i get it in theory but then there's always 1 million things i somehow get wrong

[anders-hawke]

it's day two and one of my classes is already giving me anxiety attacks BUT there's so many people in my class that are in the same major as me so hopefully it'll be fine??

[seriouslycromulent]

The Math Ain't Mathing

So I'm sure people are going to accuse me of being a conspiracy theorist, but the more I think about the results of this US election, the more it's clear that things aren't adding up.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm well aware of the US's long history of racism and misogyny, and it is totally possible -- in theory -- that more people voted for a moronic straight, white male who is an ajudicated grapist and convicted felon over a more-than-qualified, intelligent, results-driven woman of color for a position as leader of the wealthiest nation on earth.

I'm not saying that couldn't happen. But did it? Legitimately?

The more I think about Trump's campaign, the more fishy this result seems.

So here was a man with ...

virtually no policies (that he could talk about openly),

no ground game,

no door knocking apparatus to urge folks to get out the vote,

no phone banking,

he was constantly running out of money and had to shill products to raise more,

stole money from down ballot candidates, putting their marketing strategies at risk,

found liable for SA,

found guilty of millions of dollars in fraud,

constantly rambles and shows clear signs of being mentally unwell,

invokes violent and hateful language against specific communities as well as individuals,

bragged about being a dictator on Day 1,

had over 40 former cabinet members declare him unfit for office,

was called a fascist by his own former chief of staff,

was not endorsed by any reputable economists,

saw a flood of lifelong Republicans -- literally millions of them -- abandon their party to vote for his opponent,

has been impeached twice,

has seen sharply, dwindling crowd sizes at his rallies for the last 6 weeks,

... and somehow he won the popular vote by 5 million?

Even though he never won the popular vote in 2016? Or 2020?

Suddenly he "found" a bunch of votes from people who liked him?

Um, no.

Just no.

One of Trump's biggest failings is that he and his team tell lies like children. That is, they've never learned how to keep things believable. Like a misguided 10-year-old who is desperate to impress someone with his whopper of a tale, he always exaggerates to the point of hyperbole and insults our intelligence.

For example, he told us his rally at Wildwood, NJ, this past summer had 108,000 even though the town itself only has 80,000 residents and the venue he held the rally in only held 20,000 people.

Or how he kept insisting that American kids are going to school and somehow receiving gender reassignment surgery over a couple of days and without parental consent before being sent home.

Each lie is so over the top and grandiose it makes him look infantile while at the same time insults our knowledge of reality.

And that's exactly what this feels like.

There is no way this man won the majority of the votes and the popular vote after only winning due to the electoral college the first time and not at all the second time. More people vilify him now than they did in 2016 and 2020, and that's saying something.

There just aren't enough voters in the US to give him a clear path to victory here no matter how committed his sycophants are to white supremacy. MAGA voters are not the majority of the voting electorate.

Also the fact that the exit polling data is suspiciously similar to the same tall tales Trump's been selling for the past year about how he had a ton of support in the Latino and Black communities, despite there being no data to support it at all. He was polling damn near 0% in some majority black communities like Detroit and Atlanta.

Yeah ... no.

This math ain't mathing.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I know when something isn't adding up. And nothing about these results add up at all.

On top of that, they ran their entire campaign like they didn't care about people getting out to vote. They kept insulting different segments of the electorate over and over again, as if they didn't need the votes of single people or people without children.

Plus, we saw record voter registration leading up to the election. More people voting early in state after state, and millions of people voting for the first time in their lives. But somehow there were fewer votes cast in this 2024 election than in the 2020 election?

Hell, Georgia alone tripled its early voter turnout. So how is this election getting fewer votes than 4 years ago?!

There were historically longer lines than ever before in parts of the country that never saw long lines, and yet there were millions fewer votes counted so far this year? Are we really to believe that all those long lines and so many new voters managed to only add up to 136M versus 158M who voted in 2020?

I call bullshit!

Also, a number of folks are commenting on how quickly the states were called. In all my years of voting, I've never seen a US election turning around so fast.

Yeah, the math ain't mathing.

Sure, he could've eeked out a win via the Electoral College without the popular vote like he did in 2016, but given her momentum and the majority of the polls either favoring her or having had them tied, none of these results pass the smell test.

Meanwhile, Harris had a multigenerational, multiracial, multiethnic, multigendered coalition of enthusiastic supporters who volunteered, phone banked, door knocked, and fundraised in every state plus D.C. Her media strategy was savvy, her interviews were sharp and intelligible, and her demeanor was inclusive and congenial. Again, not putting anything past good ole American racism and misogyny, but all the data showed that her supporters were clearly larger in number and more enthusiastic than his.

Long story short --

I do believe we are witnessing the American government being hijacked and a dictator installed right before our very eyes.

[pugh-bug]

No.42 Chapter 2

Art Donaldson x reader : slow burn friends to lovers

I really hope you enjoy this Chapter, I’m enjoying writing this a lot. Somehow I’ve never done proper friends to lovers before, I tend to do established relationships. Enjoy! 🎾✨

Part 1

———————————————————————

It had been nine days since Art moved in. Nine days and you weren’t quite sure if you were more desperate for him to stay forever or leave immediately. Truthfully, your anxiety had never been as up and down as it was now. Sometimes you’d catch yourself watching the door waiting for him to return when you were writing an essay in the living room, only to be met by Patrick and scream at the sound of the key turning.

Your nerves were fried from frantically changing whenever you thought Art might come into your room to ask you a question and from convincing yourself you hadn’t locked the shower when he was home when you had. You always did. It was already becoming a little exhausting worrying so much about him catching you existing freely in your own home but Patrick had no such worries. In fact he seemed to be walking round the flat naked more often than he did when it was just the two of you- something neither you or Art condoned.

The biggest pro to having Art around was that you had his kinder perspective on issues as well as Patrick’s unforgiving honest one. It had already become normal to have Patrick passionately raising his voice at you for not being angrier at someone whilst Art reassured you that it was okay you were giving them a second chance. It was like having a devil in one ear and an angel in the other. You often refused to pick a side as it only riled the two of them up.

——————————————————————

1:45pm - text from Patrick

Staying at my girls house this weekend ;) there’s pasta in the fridge for you guys

Your classes had already finished for the day, there were only so many hours your professors could regurgitate the same theory to you before giving up. With the end of your time at Stanford University on the horizon you’d have to start actually thinking of job ideas that paid. It was a sickening thought, one that your professor kept forcing you to think about but you pushed away.

You clicked your phone to standby and thought about how you were going to fill the weekend without Patrick’s antics. Art could very easily spend the entire time whacking tennis balls back and forth until he sweat out his body weight but you had no such luck. Tennis wasn’t actually your thing at all, it was the main thing you and Patrick had always disagreed on. For years he tried and failed to get you to play with him: ‘be my doubles partner c’mon you know you want to!’ but you were not easily convinced. You didn’t mind watching Patrick play though, to be a good friend, but the truth was if Art wasn’t on the court you were disillusioned.

By the time you heard Art return, you’d proof read your essay seven times and submitted it. That had been the last job to do before your weekend off and it was over.

‘Y/N?’

He called out for you like he’d done it a million times, almost like you were married. You couldn’t help the way you shot out of bed, feeling elated to see him again despite it not being 9 hours since you last had.

You poked your head out of your room only to be met by an extremely sweaty Art Donaldson in your hallway. He was wearing your favourite outfit of his: red and white gym wear and a cap on backwards. It could have easily looked douchey on someone else but Art could pull anything off.

‘I’m gonna get a shower. Take out after?’

You barely heard his offer, instead focusing your gaze on the way his wet shirt clung to his muscles. He almost missed the way your eyes refocused as you diverted your cloudy stare back to his face.

‘Yep perfect.’

Patrick would be offended you chose pizza over his homemade leftovers but he’d live.

‘Okay great.’

Art had a strange relationship with fast food, he craved it but he was terrified at the thought of any and all decisions holding his tennis career back. You’d already noticed how much longer his workouts were the day after pizza.

Just as you thought to add that you wanted extra cheese on your half you felt the familiar sensation of your period starting.

Lock…

‘Art?’

He couldn’t hear you over the shower water.

‘Art!’

If only you had two bathrooms.

‘Donaldson I’m bleeding to death!’ You banged your fists loudly on the door. Was he deaf? You were going to leave a bloody mess on the carpet if he didn’t let you in soon. A few frantic movements later, including a distinct unlocking sound, and you were rushing pash Art to the toilet without a word. You knew he’d leave the second he realised what you were about to do but even so you didn’t care. In a few seconds the bathroom would look like a murder scene with or without him as a witness.

‘Sorry…’ you cleared your throat, looking up at Art, who was standing confused in only a towel. In your embarrassment you almost didn’t notice, choosing instead to rush into the safety of your room away from Art and his dripping torso.

Twenty minutes of scrolling later and your stomach was rumbling uncontrollably. Like clockwork Art knocked on your door, entered and told you in a quiet voice that the pizza arrived. When you didn’t respond he smiled. ‘Extra cheese.’ Even Patrick forgot to add that for you sometimes.

——————————————————————

‘Dip please.’

Art obliged, passing you the garlic sauce from his position on the floor. He’d sat down there to set up the ancient dvd player (‘Jaws’ wasn’t on Netflix) and never got up. ‘This film terrified me as a child.’ He mumbled, mid chew. ‘I didn’t go in the ocean for almost three years.’

A smile formed as you pictured a tiny Art Donaldson hiding under the covers from the shark he found too scary to look at. You’d never seen a photo of him younger than about fourteen but you could imagine that he was an adorable kid - the kind strangers called ‘a bundle of joy’.

‘I love the ocean, it’s one of the only places I never get sick of. Never.’

Art turned to look at you, eager to show he was listening.

‘Any time my mum could she’d take us to the beach for picnics, you know 1000 steps?’ He nodded at you. ‘That one was my favourite. There was a secret pool. I used to pretend I was a mermaid.’ You suddenly went quiet, remembering one time you fell and cut your leg on a particularly unforgiving rock and your Mum had to drag you home crying because you still wanted to play mermaids. You were a dedicated child.

Art took a large bite of pizza and looked up at you on your little sofa thrown. ‘You don’t do that anymore?’

‘Do what?’

The left corner of his mouth curled up slightly, an almost smirk. ‘Play mermaids.’

‘Ah, no. Not anymore.’

You dusted off the crumbs from your palms and lowered your head, feeling almost genuinely sad for a moment not to still be young and free: away from University stress and job worries. Away from all worries really.

‘Shame.’

Before you could say anything the best scene came on and as Quint recalled the doll quality of shark eyes your phone lit up.

8:16pm - text from Patrick

Her parents don’t like me but I’m slowly winning them over they’ll love me in no time hows art? Is he being boring?

Art watched you type for a moment before making a correct assumption. ‘Is that Patrick? Tell him he owes me five dollars.’

8:17pm - text to Patrick

We’re fine watching jaws rn Art says you owe him five dollars?

8:17pm - text from Patrick

I really don’t.

‘Art, he’s saying he doesn’t.’

Suddenly filled with energy, Art leapt off the floor to grab his phone and type feverishly to his friend. You watched him type for a moment, his fingers moving with impressive speed almost enough to make you picture something interesting. Almost.

‘What were you betting on? Do I even wanna know?’

If it was tennis scores, Patrick usually lost those. You’d been there in 2019 when Nadal won the US open instead of Medvedev and most of the living room had paid the price for it. Rest in peace glass side table. So long red planter pot.

Art suddenly looked guilty for a moment, he put his phone down and breathed. ‘He bet that you wouldn’t see me half naked until two weeks in.’ So not a tennis bet. ‘I said it’d be earlier, yknow given how small this place is and how I sometimes forget to lock the bathroom.’ Now you were confused, Art had never once forgotten to lock the bathroom door. Not even when he was, similar to you, so desperate he sent Patrick flying backwards to clear a path. The man loved his privacy.

‘I figured it was tennis related.’ You shrugged, finishing the last of your pizza.

Art scoffed slightly, before clearing his throat. ‘Not everything me and Patrick talk about is tennis related.’

‘But it is mostly about tennis right, I mean, it’s your entire life. It seems to be who you are, that’s why I made you watch ‘Jaws’ instead of SkySports for a change. Mix things up a bit.’ You smiled, playfully, knowing he couldn’t disagree with anything you said.

‘My entire life is not tennis.’

‘Isn’t it?’

He didn’t respond.

Chapter 3

Masterlist

[laurents-laces]

Dumping my thoughts on the new aftg short stories here to contain all the spoilers in one place, because if I don't get to talk about them I'm gonna explode. Someone very kindly made a typed-up version of them here if anyone wants them!

TFC: David

We all know Neil is "distressingly single-minded about Exy" but I'm dying at the revelation that people in Millport knew this about him. He was supposed to be lying low 😭

Kevinnnnnnnn my boy!!!

"This is better. Easier? Better." Ouch

I had a feeling he was seeing Betsy more often than twice a year! And that we just didn't know about it because Neil didn't. That's amazing for him

Wymack is being such a great dad right now and he doesn't even know it

So excited to have one (1) canonical sentence from Kayleigh Day herself

I was headcanoning Kevin as ten when he moved in with the Moriyamas. I know nine is only a year younger but somehow it's breaking my heart a little more

Awww I always thought he looked just like his mom

I hope he looks a little like Wymack too but no one noticed before

I wonder if he ended up telling Betsy who his dad is? I don't think so but I'm sure she'd have kept the secret. Even though it would've been so hard to keep a straight face about it

"Coaches have no honor. Your word is enough. Just yours." I wanna hit every Raven coach with a very heavy stick, starting with Tetsuji. But I love how Kevin's always trusted that Wymack was different. He can be a surprisingly hopeful person sometimes. He's a little like his dad in how he sees the potential in people no one else does

Am I crazy or is Wymack talking about Andrew here?? Because it reminds me of the part in the extra content where Andrew keeps breaking into Wymack's apartment to rant about Kevin, until one day it's Neil he's more interested in

I always thought that Andrew agreeing to protect Kevin so easily might mean he was kind of into him. If canon unrequited kandrew is gonna be a thing then Andrew and Jean should form a Victims of Kevin Day's Big Green Eyes Support Group

TRK: Betsy

I'm so upset right now I don't even have words

It's so interesting to see what Andrew is like alone with Betsy. And I love that Wymack makes him feel safe

He loves his brother!!

"They cannot keep him. I will not let them." I fully believe Andrew would be down to break Aaron out of prison if he got jail time

"One week Neil had been the subject of some very grandiose conspiracy theories, and the next Andrew had only said 'He's Kevin's problem now, the end!' and refused to elaborate." That's the most Andrew response he could've had 😭

And he was so right about Neil being suspicious as hell! I need everyone to look back on the beginning of the year and realize Andrew was right about him

"Everyone knows now, Bee." My heart just broke into a million pieces

"Neil flinched. He'd pushed because he needed to see that horrible smile crack. He needed to know if Andrew was screaming behind the euphoria his drugs fed his veins. But Andrew wasn't, and Neil couldn't live with that. Andrew's medicine was too strong or his psychosis too twisted; either way, tonight didn't mean anything to him. This was a setback Andrew could sidestep and ignore." That part of TRK really stuck with me. It's a good thing he didn't actually try to act completely unbothered by everything that night but it still hurts to hear about

"I know what happened to you today was beyond cruel and that Drake's death will not undo what he did to you. I know our system has failed you every step along the way and that a part of you will carry that distrust and betrayal for many years to come, if not for the rest of your life. And I know you have done astoundingly well despite life's every attempt to crush you. I'm sorry," she said, trying and failing to catch his eye, "and I'm so, so proud of you." She just said everything I'm feeling, perfectly

Chaos and mayhem, or Blockbuster. These books are so 2006. I miss Blockbuster

TKM: Aaron

This was the first one I read and it took me ages to get through because I was laughing so hard. Aaron calling andreil's matching arm bands a promise ring broke me

He's such an asshole. I love him. He might not like it but he's a Fox through and through

"Exy this, Exy that, get a fucking hobby already. Oh, but I guess he did?" He sent a pointed look at Andrew. He's the funniest character actually

I've always wondered if he was a little jealous of a certain mouthy liar who has everyone wrapped around his little finger. Hearing that Ichirou chose Neil over his own brother must've been a wild experience

I also wondered if he actually had a passion for medicine or if he just picked the most respectable career path he could think of. It's so good to hear that it's really something he loves. He's gonna get his dream job and fix things with his brother and marry the love of his life some day, and I'm so proud of him

Neurosurgeon Aaron and paediatrician Katelyn are properly canon now! It's nice to get all these details from the extra content as part of the actual books

A few months ago, Aaron never would have imagined Andrew needed his approval. Finding out how important he was to Andrew was an ongoing, eye-opening experience. Aaron finally realizing how much Andrew has done because of him might be my favourite thing

"His father's people tore up his arms with a lighter and knives, and none of it is going to fade. He doesn't need to see those." Andrew Minyard you fake idgafer. You care so much. So much.

I wonder what would've happened with andreil if Andrew was in less denial about their relationship? I don't think he'd date someone on purpose while the no-dating deal was still in effect

"Andrew didn't want to talk about Neil with Dobson because once he broached that subject he had to either lie to all of them or admit Neil was more important than he wanted him to be." I love that Aaron understands this about Andrew

I love that the only other Aaron POV story we have also ends with him being able to tell when Andrew is lying to himself. The twinyards have their misunderstandings but at the end of the day they get each other

[6sakusa]

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄

𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

Synopsis: In which you’re a dancer for the world renowned band Paradis’ tour & the leader and golden boy Eren Jaeger has taken quite a liking to you, he’s been waiting to get his hands on you, for months. It looks like today is his lucky day.

This is based on my rockstar!eren headcanons which you can also read here.

CW: Heavy smut, dry humping, oral, penetration, mentions of virginity loss, hints of infidelity, Eren being manipulative & toxic.

A/N: Take this as a thank you for 1000 followers!

“Y/n, Jaeger’s here for you again.” Nanaba, your dance couch for Paradis’ tour points behind her with a slack expression on her face. She’s clearly unimpressed by the brunette devil sporting a smirk on his lips, his beautifully deep teal eyes drag to yours in such amusement that you almost wish you could read his mind. His hair is tied back in his signature style of course — albeit the stray hairs that somehow frame his face perfectly and God you could talk about those eyelashes for days. If there was one thing you knew about the lead vocal for Paradis it was that he was beautiful and admittedly every time he got you out of dance practice it felt wrongly exciting.

“You know you can’t keep stealing my best dancer right? I kinda need her to know the choreography for your songs.” She turns to face him, there’s a dangerous smile lingering on his lips while his hands are pushed deeply into his pockets.

“Just this once.” He promises, it’s a lie and that shouldn’t surprise you.

“That’s what you say everytime.” Nanaba rolls her eyes, “What do you want her for anyway?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He lets out a breathy laugh while leaning against the wall behind him, something lights up in his eyes as you walk over though you and Nanaba share the same expression, unimpressed.

“She’s right.” You back the head choreographer for two reasons. 1) She’s extremely scary when she wants to be, the majority of that includes the next time she sees you after Eren pulls you away. 2) You’d already missed a countless amount of practices due to the boy anyway. Though it was hard to say no, not when he was the sole reason you were on this tour anyway. Besides, Nanaba knows what he says goes, he’s not necessarily her superior but the second Paradis’ star boy starts whining about how he doesn’t like her she’d be gone, that wasn’t something she could afford.

“You’re good at what you do.” He says, pushing himself off the wall. He’s so convinced you’ll come with him because he knows you, you’re friends at this point and that means you’re aware that he never takes no for an answer. “So you’ll have no problem catching up.”

“Come on Eren—“

“Please?” He interrupts, here he goes pulling out the big guns. As if on cue a dejected expression appears on his face, he pouts slightly while gazing down at you longingly. He grabs your arm, tugging you to come along with him.

“Why are you like this?” You sigh, giving Nanaba a sorry look but how could she blame you? You were in the same boat as her, neither of you had the power to say no to Eren Jaeger, and chances are he wouldn’t let you.

As usual the other girls in practice whisper amongst themselves, always speculating between the relationships you and Eren had. The most popular theory was that you were fucking of course but as they’d told you a million times it was nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should wear it on your forehead as a sign of pride but the simple fact was that it just wasn’t true. You were friends, and he only wanted to be friends, right?

“Can’t help it.” He murmurs, dipping down so that his lips are practically grazing your earlobe, “I’m lonely without you.”

“If you keep saying stuff like that people will get the wrong idea.” You hit him lightly on the shoulder, much to his amusement.

He cracks a grin, leaning forwards so only you could catch his words. “If you don’t come with me now then I’ll definitely give them the wrong idea.” It’s a threat that he intends to go through with, you know Eren which means you know it’s never a good idea to call his bluff.

You gulp, nodding with agreement. “Okay fine but this is the last time.”

He chuckles to himself, turning on his heel. He’s already eager to get out of here. Truthfully, the only time he has any interaction with Nanaba, or any of the dancers for that matter is when he comes to watch you. He won’t lie, he’s done some fucked up things to the sight of you dancing, so much so that if he told you he’s sure you’d run for the hills but he can’t help it. Sometimes he burns your movement into his memories so he can jerk off to it the same day, the thought of you moving against him like that was exciting. However, you’ve proven that it’s harder to get into your pants than he would’ve anticipated, no wonder you were a virgin. At times he thought it was more hassle than it was worth but the moment he saw your pretty face again he was sold. He knew he had to have you.

“I’ll practice it later, I swear.” You sport your coach one last bashful smile despite the annoyed look on her face before catching up with the reason for all your troubles. Like it wasn’t hard enough being away from home touring with Paradis, to make matters worse Eren was constantly putting the few bonds you did have here with people on the rocks.

“Where are we going?”

“My dressing room.” He replies like he’s been anticipating your question, he’s got a look on his face that reminds you of an angel but you know better than that, it’s a facade.

“And why’s that?”

“Got a new strand of weed, thought you might wanna try.” He glances down at you as you fall into step besides him. He thinks this position suits you, next to him. “Unless you stopped smoking — already?” His tone is challenging and it annoys you, it annoys you because of course you’d want to prove him wrong. He’s the one that got you hooked on this shit in the first place even though you told him it wasn’t a good idea for a dancer to smoke. You needed all the stamina you could get.

“You know I haven’t.” You say meekly, your gaze falling to the ground. He loved that, loved knowing how much he’s corrupted you. Is it filthy? Maybe. Did he care? Not one bit.

He laughs lightly as you make your way through the back rooms. You’re never at one venue long enough to actually get used to the place, let alone know where you’re going. It made you wonder how much Eren would be wondering around and why? He’s probably taken countless girls to his dressing room already in less than the week you’ve been here.

Make no mistake, you’d been to his dressing room countless times before too. The difference was nothing more than friendly interactions would take place there between the two of you. Still, you found it hard to believe that Eren was just maintaining platonic relationships with all the girls he spoke to. But then why you? You couldn’t put your finger on it. You also couldn’t help the lingering thought in the back of your mind that you were unattractive, maybe he just didn’t wanna fuck you.

“How do you know these corridors so well?” You blurt out your thoughts while taking another turn.

He laughs to himself, looking away. “I like to explore.” Another lie. You weren’t sure if Eren was comfortable with lying so much because he thought you wouldn’t catch on or because he knew you would but he also knew you wouldn’t challenge it. You had a feeling it was the second one. Maybe he liked the exert this twisted sense of power over you.

Eventually, his hand turns one of the door knobs and you step into his dressing room. It’s almost the same as all the rest, almost. It has a clothing rack with whatever his stylists have decided will be best for the three performances they have here, a leather couch against the wall with a coffee table just opposite it and a mounted TV purely for his entertainment. The only difference is that this one has a bed, now that caused your eyebrow to raise a little. You knew that some nights Eren would rather sleep in his dressing room than the rowdy tour bus. You supposed he got a bed added for that reason, you couldn’t see him and all his 6ft2 glory fitting on that couch anyway.

Though, much to your surprise Connie, Jean and Armin were here. You’d had interactions with them multiple times, particularly Jean who could only be described as a flirt though you weren’t sure you would consider them to be friends. Essentially, the entire band of Paradis sat in anticipation while Jean rolled one up, it was hard to feel like you weren’t intruding on something.

“Finally.” Armin collapses onto the bed, seeing the two of you walk through the door. “You’re back.”

“What took you so long?” Jean glances over at the two of you, him and Connie are situated on the couch leaving one empty spot at the very end.

Eren points behind him at you, “Nanaba was tryna be difficult with me.”

“You know you don’t have to ask for her permission right?” Connie quirks up an eyebrow, amused by your meek demeanour.

He places a hand on your back, he’s teasing you. “She likes it when I’m polite.”

Armin chuckles, “It’s nice seeing you again y/n.” The other two nod in agreement upon eyeing you head to toe. Sometimes you didn’t understand how surreal your situation was, touring with one of the biggest bands in the world, definitely the hottest members. Somehow even befriending one of them and now you were what? Going to casually light one up with Paradis?

“Yeah, real nice.” Jean is practically liking his lips. Curse you and those stupid shorts you wear for dance practice. Perhaps he ought to be more like Eren and pay you a visit or two. “Eren thinks about you too much.” Connie observes, “Pulled this out and the first thing he’s talking about is how he doesn’t want you to miss it.”

Eren takes a seat besides Jean, you stand there awkwardly not sure where you’re supposed to go.

“Come.” He taps his lap lightly while ignoring Connie’s comment, gesturing you to sit on it. Naturally your eyes widen and of course he finds it amusing. He smiles, looking at his other bandmates. “It’s not a big deal, right guys?” They nod routinely and you swallow whatever is stuck in your throat before slowly walking over and taking a seat. Eren has a satisfied grin as you try to situate yourself, you don’t expect him to place both his hands on your hips, holding you down.

“Who wants to go first?” Jean asks while Connie holds a lighter to the blunt. Across the room you see Armin close the window, they intend to hotbox, great. Looks like you wouldn’t be practicing later today after all.

“Ladies first.” Eren taps your thigh, Jean hands it over to you, they all watch intently as you take the first hit. “Look, she doesn’t even cough anymore.” Eren teases while rubbing your back, the others laugh while you blow out the smoke.

“Sorry.” You say shyly, “I think I got lipgloss on it.” They all wave you off hearing a string of it’s fine and it’s okays fill up the air. You hand it back to Jean and allow it to rotate around the room. It doesn’t take many hits for you all to get high, now you’re putty in Eren’s hands, all laughing and giggling while you run your fingertips down his chiselled chest talking about whatever nonsense the topic of discussion was.

You feel like you’re zoning in and out of reality leaning into the crook of Eren’s neck while he’s got an arm draped around your waist. Connie and Armin are engrossed in their own conversation while him and Jean talk amongst themselves. “Wanna share whats left?” Jean asks, but he’s not looking at the blunt, he looks between you and Eren. A devilish smile is on his lips and you can’t really discern what he means because there is nothing left to share.

You feel a chuckle reverberate against Eren’s chest, he shakes his head lightly. “Not this time, I’ve been dreaming about this one.”

“Oh I get it.” Jean grins, he places a hand on your thigh before speaking up once more, “It was nice seeing you y/n, you should come around more. Don’t wait for Eren to invite you.” He begins standing up, Connie and Armin glance at eachother, seemingly having some shared understanding as they stand too.

“Bye guys.” You wave, looking up at them through those pretty eyelashes of yours and for a second Jean almost considers saying fuck it to Eren but he doesn’t. They trail out slowly, all leaving some lingering touches on your body until it’s just you and Eren left.

You figure now is a good time to climb out of his lap but he holds your hips in place, “Where are you going? You don’t wanna keep me warm?” He asks, it’s a whisper against your neck and it sends all types of goosebumps crawling down your body.

You giggle, your brain is too fogged up to think straight. “Erenn.” You drag out his name while he flips you over so that you’re straddling him. Once he gets a look at your face he knows there’s no use trying to conceal the hard on in his pants.

“Hmm?” He hums, running his hand up and down your thigh. He’d been working on this for months, literal months. Now that he had you right where he wanted you there was no way he was letting you slip away. Today, it was now or never.

“What does this tattoo mean?” You snuggle your head in his chest, the weed is making you slightly tired.

“This one?” He glances between you and the art on his body. He smiles to himself, his eyes trailing off somewhere. “I’ll tell you another time.” Seeing how you were on the verge of literally falling asleep there was no time for him to waste talking about absolute nonsense. He needed you today, now.

“You always say that.” You whine, hitting him lightly. You can tell he’s amused from the airy laugh that escapes his nose. “I tell you everything about me but you never tell me about you.”

“Yeah?” His eyebrows quirk up, “You tell me everything like what? That you’re a virgin? You don’t drink? You were too scared to smoke?” He’s mocking you, you know that he is but he does it so sweetly while brushing some hair out of your face.

“You remember that?” You ask, of course he remembers. It’s all he thinks about when he sees you. That you’re untouched, pure, you probably don’t know how to make yourself feel good. He wants nothing more than to destroy you, corrupt you even. Whenever he sees you he gets hard, so hard. He knows that you feel it, the bulge prodding against your shorts but you haven’t said a word. You’d never sat on a mans lap before, you assumed it was normal and that drove him insane.

“I listen to the things you tell me.” He smiles, it’s so easy to think he cares, that he’s just a concerned friend and nothing more. “On the bright side that’s one down.”

“One down?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you’ve smoked now so what’s left? A couple drinks and losing your virginity? Seems easy enough.”

You look away, “I still haven’t found the right guy.”

“Oh yeah? What happened to your little boyfriend?”

“W-We’re on a break.” You mutter, embarrassed. Now it makes sense, you hadn’t mentioned him in a while and Eren wasn’t sure why considering when the two of you first met he was all you would talk about. He respected it though, he’d fucked enough girls with boyfriends that he thought it was rare to find someone like you.

“A break?” He chuckles, “So you’re not together anymore?” Everything was coming together perfectly.

“We are, I’m meeting him tomorrow to talk about it, we just had and argument.” Your voice trails off, it’s obvious you don’t want to talk about the situation between you and your boyfriend but of course Eren can’t help his curiosity.

“So you two have never—?”

“No.”

“Why not? He’s your boyfriend, isn’t that the right guy?”

“I don’t know.” You mumble.

“You poor thing.” He says, pushing you further down against his crotch. He was close, so close. “You don’t know what it’s like to feel good.”

“F-Feel good?”

“Yeah you know from sex, or are you afraid to talk about that too?” He teases, he’s about to have you right where he wants you and he can taste it.

“I’m not I just — I don’t know, maybe it’ll happen one day and I can feel good too.”

Bingo.

His eyes widen before he catches his composure. He’s got you now hook, line and sinker.

“You know.” He begins, “I bet I could make you feel good.”

“What?”

“Just a suggestion, you’re my friend of course I’d help you out where I can.” There’s a smirk on his lips. Damn him and his stupidly perfect features. And fuck the weed you’ve both consumed that’s clouding your senses.

“I-I don’t know.” You become nervous, retracting from him a little.

“Come on, I’ll be good to you, so good I promise.” He’s just able to hold back from bucking up into you but he’s not sure how long he’ll last.

“You will?”

“I swear.” He places a hand on his heart.

“But my boyfriend—“

“You guys are on a break, you’re not together. Think about him and all the girls he’s fucked, do you wanna be the only one with no experience?” He coos, rubbing your back. He was a starboy in two things, music and being a complete world class manipulator. Really this was getting him off even more, knowing he’d send your virgin pussy to your boyfriend tomorrow completely wrecked by him.

“What would we do?” You ask, becoming more receptive to the idea.

“Whatever you want, whatever makes you feel good.”

“I-I don’t know what I want to do.” You stammer, Gosh that makes him even harder. You really didn’t even know where to start in the sex department, he couldn’t believe it. A girl as beautiful as you, with those eyes and that dream body, how? How have you never been touched before?

“Want me to show you something?” He asks, you hesitate for a moment but end up nodding.

“Here.” He grabs your hips with both his hands, “Move against me, I’ll help you.” He rolls you against his crotch and throws his head backwards, he couldn’t take it. He needed to be inside you. It feels so good, you feel so good against him like this even with the fabric separating the two of you. You let out a whimper and his eyes shoot open to garner your expression.

“You like that?” He asks, grinding you against him harder.

“Y-Yes.” You position yourself directly above his bulge, your breath hitches with a moan as you feel it attempting to prod into you while you push against it. Your sounds are music to his ears and he can’t believe he’s actually enjoying dry humping, he feels like a virgin again.

He picks up the speed, looking up at you even though you’re seemingly lost in pleasure. “Wanna try moving by yourself baby?” He asks, he guides your arms around his neck so you can be in a secure position. You nod before picking up the pace again and he thinks he might lose his mind.

He glances down to see a dark patch forming against the crotch area of your grey shorts. Fuck you’re so wet for him and the two of you haven’t even had any skin to skin contact yet.

He lets out a moan which encourages you to go faster. “I-I feel like—“ You can hardly get the words out between your moans, there’s an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can’t quite put your fingers on.

“Come on, get on my thigh.” He repositions you because he knew if you kept going he’d cum in his pants and there was only one place he was aiming to nut tonight and that was inside of you.

“W-Why?”

“Just trust me.” He says, tapping against your hips as a sign to start moving again. You don’t have the bulge prodding against your entrance but quickly the feeling returns.

“Eren—“ You moan out his name, he thought he was already rock solid but now he was so hard that it was physically hurting him to be in these constraints. He needed you so bad.

“What is it baby?” He asks, watching you move against him, your shorts were practically drenched at this point.

“I think I’m gonna—“

“You’re gonna cum? Do it, for me.” Something snaps in your stomach at his words and euphoria washes over you, you’re seeing white while he continues to move your hips allowing you to ride out your high. You’re moaning uncontrollably before practically collapsing into his chest once you’re done.

“Fuck.” He says eyes wide while rubbing your back, “Think that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Really?” You mutter against his shoulder blade, breathless.

“Yeah shit.” He glances down, pulling at the waistband of your shorts. “You’re drenched for me.”

“That felt good.” You say, pulling away from his chest so he can get a better look at your lower half.

“Yeah?” He finds it amusing, so much so that he let’s out a small chuckle. “I told you so, didn’t I?”

“What else can you do?” Fuck you were so eager for him, so eager for him to make you feel good he couldn’t believe it.

“You’re so greedy.” He says while picking you up before placing you down on the bed that Armin was on just minutes before. This all felt so wrong, so dirty but you wanted it all the same, wanted it so bad.

“I can show you something else.” He cages you underneath him, pressing his lips against your neck while be sucked on it. It didn’t even take a minute for him to find your sweet spot, to have you whimpering and squirming underneath him. “Do you want me to?” He whispers against your earlobe.

You nod eagerly but he doesn’t take it as an answer. “Need to hear you say it.”

“Yes Eren, I want you to.”

“Good.” He pulls away, burning the mental image of you sprawled out on the bed, peering up at him expectantly into his mind. Fuck he wishes he could take a picture and cherish this for ages, he’d jack off to it daily if he could.

Slowly, you watch as he tugs against your waistband, slowly pulling your shorts down until your lace panties are all that are in his way. “Look at you.” He whispers, he’s talking to himself more than he is to you. “So pretty, I knew it. Better than what I imagined.” He’s practically salivating as he moves your underwear to the side, faced with your bare pussy.

You hide your face out of nervousness, “You’ve been thinking about me?”

He pushes your hands to the side, wanting nothing more to see your face while he deals with you. “Do you want the truth?” He asks, his fingers dip down into your wetness, brushing over your clit. A light moan escapes your mouth before you nod. “I’ve been thinking about this for months, I wanted to fuck you ever since I laid eyes on you. Touched myself to you more times than you could know.”

Your breath hitched, the way he was speaking to you was so lewd you should almost be offended but it made you want him more. You wanted him so bad that you began to clench around nothing.

“Oh you like when I speak to you like that? Noted.” He brings your own slick up to your mouth, watching you suck his fingers before he removes it, putting it into his own mouth. He gives you almost no time to recover, desperate to be back against you once more. He kisses your thighs, giving you some time to ease into the feeling of him around you so intimately like this. The thought of getting head from him drove you almost insane with anticipation.

Eventually he pulls your hips closer to him on the edge of the bed, removing your panties completely. “If I fuck you good after this, will you let me keep these?” He holds them up in the air, it’s almost embarrassing how drenched they are but you nod anyway. Anything for him to get on with it.

"Shit baby." He mutters before putting his mouth on you, you moaned instantly, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of you, this time he didn't give you a moment to ease into it which made you close your legs around him.

"Open." He demands and you oblige, you couldn't even speak in response all you could do was moan at the way he was moving against you. He added a few fingers into the mix which made you go wild. If this is what sex was like it was a bummer you hadn’t done it sooner. On the bright side, you were doing it with Eren Jaeger of all people, the Eren Jaeger, and he wasn’t shy to show you how experienced he was. He grinned at how obedient you were, for some reason there wasn't a feeling in the world that he adored more. He could die right here and be the happiest man on earth.

He places your hands in his hair, guiding you to tug and pull on it. You guessed it was probably a kink of his but you enjoyed it anyway. The way he moaned against you when you pulled at him sent vibrations throughout your body. His hairband falls loose and you can’t help but think he looks like his absolute best like this, ravishing you while somehow lost in his own pleasure.

He's got both of your plump thighs in his hands, hooked under your legs. He's almost raising you off of the bed slightly, wanting to taste every last bit of you.

"I can't, I'm gonna—" You couldn't even finish your sentence, he was too much, having no mercy on you. Tears of pleasure begun to prick your eyes while he mocks you.

"You're gonna what? Use your words gorgeous." He looks up at you between your legs, your head is tilted back, eyes contorted in pleasure. He took a mental note of it, in all his years of living it was the best thing he'd ever seen.

"I'm gonna cum ‘Ren."

"Do it" Almost as if it was on command you came unravelled there, you were practically seeing stars. If it wasn't for you pulling him away by his hair he would've kept ravaging you, he couldn't help it, couldn't get enough of you.

He leaned in again to kiss you, he wanted you to taste yourself, to pay back the treat you'd given him, "Fuck." You said once you'd caught your breath, he chuckled at your disheveled state before sitting up slightly.

“What do you think your boyfriend would say if he could see you now?” He cocks his head to the side playfully. “Do you think you belong to him?”

You shake your head, “No.”

“Then who do you belong to?”

“You.”

The corner of his lips tug upwards. “Good girl, you’ve been so good for me.” He begins to unbuckle his belt as you watch intently. You could already see the his hard on through his black jeans but as soon as they were off you practically gasped. His print was evident through his boxers and to say he was massive was an understatement.

You watch as he begins palming himself through his boxers, as if he wasn’t already hard enough. “What do you say, you wanna touch?” You lean forward, running your hands up and down his clothed shaft and you hear him groan lowly.

“Fuck tell me you’re ready for me baby — been wanting this for ages.”

“I’m ready.” The moment the words come out of your mouth he pins you against the bed, once he pulls his boxers down his cock springs free and your eyes widen. It's even larger than you thought it would be. It's pretty, tanned just up until his tip which was pink. You could see the vein running along the side and genuinely asked, “Will that fit?”

“Gonna make it fit.” He throws his head back as he drags it through your folds, feeling your wetness warm him up makes him go crazy. You squirm underneath him, the base of his cock grazes over your clit more than once. “All the things I wanna do to you.” He whispers, “Gonna fuck you like crazy, I’ll be so good to you.”

“P-Please Eren, I want it, I want you.”

“Say it again.” He dips his head down so his ear is against your mouth, he wants to hear you crystal clear.

“I want you—“ You’re interrupted by the intrusive feeling of his head passing by your folds. It hurts, it hurts more than you can imagine as he pushes deeper inside of you. He’s moaning as he pushes into you you’re not sure why.

“Shit baby you’re so tight, too tight.” He groans, knitting his eyebrows together like he’s concentrating on not doing something.

“Ren it hurts.” You say, unintentionally clenching around him further.

“Wait don’t—“ Before he can finish his sentence you hear him whimper against your neck, something warm starts spilling inside of you and your eyes widen at his light moans. It takes an entire minute for him to realise whats just happened as he pulls away and out of you slowly.

“Did you just—“ You look down, seeing white seed spilling out of you.

His cheeks grow hot while he takes in the sight before him. Fuck another kink he didn’t even know he had, now he wants to breed you. “Why are you looking at me like that? It’s your fault.” He says with exasperation, “Why’d you grip me so hard?”

“What? I-I’m not, didn’t mean to.” You mumble, unsure of what he means. Was this supposed to happen? Considering this was your first time doing this you didn’t know how embarrassing this was for Eren and he was grateful for it. He’d never came just from entering a girl alone, then again he’d never fucked anyone as tight as you. This was going to be harder than he thought. You’d made him reach his high in record time and fuck did it feel good.

“It’s okay, I’ll forgive you this time.” He says, lining himself up against your entrance again, “Try to loosen up baby please, I wanna fuck you.” He begs, you’re not sure what he wants you to do. You’re as wet as you could be right now.

He pushes himself in once more though slower this time, his girth made it a little painful at first and he recognised that. He knows it hurts and he’s trying to give you the time to adjust but his patience is just running so thin. You hissed, your back arching against the bed while he coaxes you into calming down by pressing kisses against your face.

You winced a little causing him to rub your temple, "Just a little more okay? You can take it." You nodded as he pushed in a little further, a moan escaping from your lips. He settled for a moment after bottoming out, bringing his lips to yours to distract you from the pain once again. A tear escaped your eye and he places a kiss on it but you could feel his dick twitching inside of you. He liked seeing you cry.

“You can move.” You say, he wastes no time picking up the pace, fucking himself into you. He loved this, you were like his tight little fuck doll, he was putting everything into not cumming again. Eventually the pain subsides into pleasure for you and you can hardly form a coherent thought at the way he’s hitting all the right spots.

"You still need to loosen up for me." He says between moans, while thrusting into you like there was no tomorrow. He was so much more vocal than you would’ve expected but you loved it, you loved being fucked by Eren Jaeger.

"I-I have." Your sweet voice almost cracks between the pleasure. Squeezing him a little tighter as he talks to you. It wasn’t your fault, you weren’t doing it on purpose.

You can feel him laugh, muttering against your neck, "Think you might just be too tight, fucking virgin.” He mutters the last part but you still catch it.

"Think your dicks too big." You shoot back but he continues anyway. He begun experimenting with the angles, knowing he's found your G-spot with one particular moan from you.

"Shit, faster Eren." You asked causing him to grin to himself, your wish was his command. He was still cautious that he didn't want to hurt you but he was picking up the pace to the point where you wondered what kind of stamina this man had. If he'd asked you anything now there was no way you'd be able to formulate a single world, your head was in the clouds.

“You’re a fucking selfish bitch you know that?” He asks between the lewd sound of slapping filling the air. “Keeping this pussy from me for so long.” He slaps your clit and you’re so sure that the entire building could hear you at this point but he didn’t care, you were sure of it. “Shit you’re mine, all mine you hear me?”

You don’t respond, letting him fuck you into the clouds. “I’m talking to you.” He brings you back to earth, his hands surrounding themselves around your throat relentlessly.

“I-I’m yours.” You struggle to get the words out but do it eventually.

“Good girl, you gonna let me cum in this pussy again aren’t you? Gonna let me do it inside?” His tone is questioning but his words are a demand, he’s going to do it whether you like it or not.

“Yes ‘Ren.”

He hums with satisfaction before grabbing your hand and placing it on your clit while he continues to thrust into you, “Come, touch yourself.”

Your hands freeze and eyebrows knit together, you’ve got no clue what to do and that becomes painfully obvious to him. “Need some help?” He places your thumb on your clit while putting his own over it, moving them both in a circular motion.

“What? Too much?” You’re babbling incoherently and he’s beyond amused, you’re practically creaming on his dick and he knows that all the months of waiting was worth it. This was the best pussy he’s ever had.

The familiar knot is back in your stomach but you can’t bring yourself to warn him this time, he only knows it once you start clenching around him uncontrollably. “Oh fuck.” His moans slice through your own. Your high sends him into his own estacy, no amount of focus could stop this from happening when you were this tight around him. He came so hard, harder than he ever had before, squirts of cum filled you up and you could feel it continue to pile on even when you'd thought it had stopped. His deep moans resounded the room, he sounded amazing.

He played with your nipples while continuing to fuck the two of you into overstimulation, he didn’t care. He was drunk on this, “Can’t stop fuck I can’t stop.” He threw his head back, releasing another load into you. The next feeling was unfamiliar, you felt liquid gushing out of you and onto his bare V-line as his eyes widened. “Do it again.” He continues bucking into you, slapping his hands against your clit until you squirt some more.

Once he’d pushed himself to the absolute limit he finally slowed down, pulling out of you. Your body was shaking underneath him and you looked like you weren’t even present. “Didn’t know virgin pussy could do that.” He grins, taking in your fucked out state. Almost immediately the look on your face makes him hard again.

He attempts to line himself back up again but you’re still clenching around nothing and he knows he’s got no chance of getting back in there. “What? You need a little rest?” He perks up, he’s teasing you as usual. “Don’t care, this is my pussy now which means you’re gonna be good to me right, gonna let me go again?”

All you can do is whimper, jolting as he runs his hands over your body lightly.

“Gonna fuck you everyday from now on, you ready? This is just practice.”

Reblogs are appreciated & requests are open!

[cconsultingdetective]

A deep dive into Scarlet and Violet's lore

Okay so, since the story's kinda the only good thing about these games alongside the characterizations I wanted to share a couple of ideas I have in mind regarding the story so far.

As always excuse eventual grammar errors and strange periods, English is not my first language and I'm trying my very best ahahah

Obviously there are going to be spoilers about the endgame, so beware!

Can we all agree that the time machine and the Pokémons from the past/future thing just has so many holes in it?

Like sure, Turo and Sada are geniuses and may very well have been able to create some sort of machine that allows Pokéballs to travel across time to catch these variants of Pokémons we know in the present, but.

I'm kinda confident that these Pokémons (if we want to call them that) do not come from a different time, they just don't exist at all, or at least they're not supposed to. I mean, they specifically chose to call them Paradoxes, things that shouldn't exist in the first place but are there in front of your eyes somehow. Not Past or Future Forms, not Prehistoric or Futuristic Forms, Paradoxes.

Let's take the Scarlet ones for example for a minute: how come there is no trace left whatsoever of these Pokémons like the Fossils? And don't get me started on Sandy Shock, come on, how the hell is a magnet existing millions of years ago. They don't make sense!

If we read the Scarlet/Violet Book we learn that the Paradoxes, the same ones, have already been encountered by the Area Zero Expedition, which explored the Area Zero 200 years ago, and also very likely during the Great Expedition Era which was around 2000 years ago, and of course no time machine existed back then. This is obviously very strange and Arven as well points this out in the post-game.

So the question is: where exactly do they come from?

Let's start by saying that everything that happened in the Area Zero, from the Terastal phenomenon that was later brought to the surface, the production of an AI able to copy the Professor in any way that couldn't have been made with the modern human technology, to the making of the time machine was all thanks to the power of the crystals present down there which, we know, come from the infamous third legendary.

I strongly belive, and I see that a great part of the community agrees, that this thing is able to materialize people's imagination, to make their dreams come true.

Think of this: the Professor adores the Scarlet/Violet Book, they bring it together with them since they were kids, they fantasize about a "paradise" described in this book and this dream never leaves them while growing up and they dedicate their whole lives to fulfill it. This dream clearly becomes an obsession, they neglect their child, the AI they created starts to disagree with them, but they still proceed until they succeed in creating the time machine. (Personal opinion: the game should have definitely explored the motive behind the Professor's actions more) But is it really a time machine or is the third legendary making their dream come true by bringing them the creatures they always read about? As long as the machine works neither the Professor and the AI question its actual nature, obviously they take for granted that it's a time machine.

Following this line of logic the machine helped the AI to fulfill their dream by making them go to the world they wished to explore.

To further support my theory take a look at this page of the Scarlet Book:

1) Why would they put this page in the game (and leakers say we will have this thing in the DLC) which is clearly centered on someone's imagination if the Paradoxes simply come from different times? Because they don't.👀

2) It's absolutely IMPOSSIBILE for this thing to exist in the past. Raikou, Suicune and Entei were born after the Burned Tower incident about 150 years ago thanks to Ho-oh bringing them back to life in their new form, they couldn't have ever existed in ancient times.

And with that I rest my case, Your Honor.

It's very obvious that the DLC is going to be very story driven and I'm very excited to see how things will turn out (while on the other hand they could have said something more now instead of finishing the main story in a DLC but welp, they gotta convince you to buy it somehow)

Let me know about your opinions!

[whatudottu]

Absolute theory/headcanon/analysis/general idea legend whatudottu character arc of slowly becoming one of the four (4) Cerebrocrustacean fans in the entire fandom (even if Petrosapiens will always be #1 in its heart, which, you know, completely understandable NGL) let’s gooooo!

Also I can’t believe I haven’t made this connection until now but:

Cerebrocrustacean: “My people have a rich and complex history and culture, but most of the galactic audience boils us down to being nothing but ‘the violently bigoted xenophobes who keep destroying their own planet’ and it frustrates me to no end.”

Gourmand who’s been forced to hear the same “I can excuse cannibalism but I draw the line at marrying outside of your own race” joke over and over again: “Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.”

Me and my homies (4) being cerebrocrustacean fans: If cerebrocrustaceans have 0 fans we are dead, haha- Would buy merchandise to convince CN that Brainstorm is a cool transformation *looks over my shoulder to see the playdough brainstorm with removable brain toy that either I or my sibling got millions of years ago*

ANYWAY!

It's very evident when I don't think about a particular species when I have to look something up like the gourmand cannibalism, but seeing as though they have a collective pocket dimension where their stomach goes (at least that's where the logic got them in the show instead of being consumed food expelled in energy reflux), if cannibalism didn't implode the two gourmands like how bag of holding inception works then I suppose it's far better than *shudders* perk murk relationships. Got a whole 'house divided' 'alike in dignity' situation over here, Perkulet and Murktague having asses-

...You know what if I get a chance to think about gourmands in more detail I might turn that pocket dimension into a magic thing instead of a xenobiology thing that's just overall bullshit- comes free with potentially real cannibalism but like they've eaten 11 planets I think cannibalism just in general pales in comparison to what they could do-

Well, whatever cannibalism gourmands excuse and all the jokes they have to deal with about perk murk relationships being somehow much much worse, at least they don't get shoveled with 'violent bigots' that 'aren't smart enough to support their lifestyle without destroying their own planet' which well- I don't have any present headcanons as to why Encephalonus is on it's 4th edition yet but let me tell you, when cerebrocrutaceans found out the galvans lost their planet (admittedly to the Highbreed Invasion) and then galvans WEREN'T immediately assumed to have fucked up somewhere, you can bet that Dr Psychobos was one in the crowd that went absolutely livid.

[sanchoyo]

okay, ONE more tmm post. MEW AQUA. It's WEIRD. (moreso in the 2000s anime than tmmn. hear me out and go on a lore trip with me. I have Screenshots and Thoughts.)

The mew aqua rod:

weird that it was found on a dig, a relic from the ancient aliens. who also were stated to have MADE mew aqua (or, at least, that's the THEORY ryou & keiichiro have. considering we never hear an alternative, I'm assuming we should take this as Fact)

Later of course we find out the 'big mew aqua/true mew aqua' is within deep blue/masaya's body, not a Giant Crystal. But it begs the question: what were the alien's doing with it so long ago? The answer given by canon is this:

NO, ICHIGO, WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT. Because Despite it outright being stated... if the mew aqua rod if ANCIENT, as old as when the aliens were on earth? (either 300 million~600 million years?) they would've had NO WAY TO PREDICT HUMANS POLLUTING EARTH, LET ALONE EXISTING! And I say mew aqua has to be as old as the mew aqua rod because the rod's main (and ONLY) function we see is to channel and use mew aqua. (well. okay, it glows, too, and makes mew aqua into bubbles. this thing would be great at parties)

At the time of the aliens leaving Earth, it was a MESS, mass extinctions due to natural disasters... mew aqua could have been a way to try and fix those, but it was so extreme that it couldn't, I guess? Or maybe it needed time to sort of...ferment to grow stronger? (genuinely cannot think of a better way to put this but I think yall get the idea) I think this idea is backed up by how LONG it took Deep Blue to form after the aliens left their world. if he could have fixed stuff, why not make him a vessel sooner? why wait until modern day when the earth is already messed up? why spend SO long in space/on another planet if you got a Guy Who Can Fix That Pretty Easily? did it need time to Cook? like, he supposedly is either the source of it somehow, or created BY it and gets his powers from it (he...does seem surprised the mew aqua is within him, too, by the way. which is Strange and will always be weird to me)

WHY DIDN'T HE?

WHY DIDN'T YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT??

he then proceeds to open a portal to a planet that is likely lightyears away with mew aqua (fun new ability for mew aqua from tmmn) and say he is going to use his power (which comes from mew aqua) to REARRANGE THE CONTINENTS. we also know mew aqua was strong enough to 1. bring people back from the dead 2. accelerate plant growth 3. turn Retatsu into a MERMAID 4. defeat basically any chimera anima in an instant 5. transform ringo into a mew mew with no previous dna injection/pendant 6. showed Retatsu a glimpse of the ancient world, and probably several other things I'm forgetting??

mew aqua is incredibly OP. like. if the ancient aliens did make it, and have the mew aqua rod to use it, I do NOT think they were using it ~just in case a species evolves here on this planet and pollutes it!~ I think that is 100% Retatsu feeling guilty in the moment for human pollution (same, girl, I get it) I think it's more likely they were trying to fix the disasters already happening. (and it needed more time to get strong enough to actually do that I guess? Clearly it didn't work back then to fix the disasters, or worked verrrry slowly. a few thousand to a few million years slowly) I appreciate ryou and keiichiro also using terms like 'this is our hypothesis/theory!' because they DON'T know for sure.

it also begs the question of how there's a BUNCH of FRAGMENTS OF IT if masaya's body currently holds the majority/big piece right before the finale when he uses it (if we're imagining it was once one BIG thing/collective power source) and how they got scattered into SO many pieces before that?? what...HAPPENED, way back in ancient times? 👀

also, I've said it before, but it could imply an ancient alien magical girl. I mean, someone's gotta swing the mew aqua rod around 👀 (or it could've just been a tool back then, and adapted to Ichigo's powers by turning bright pink and sparkly, but that is a considerably more boring answer)

These things will Keep Me Up At Night

[abbinurmel]

I spent the past couple hours tailoring this aimless rant on YT, in response to a person merely saying how much they'd love for a reboot of 'Cow & Chicken' on adult swim, cos they could say whatever they like on there. I posted it here, cos YT doesn't wanna allow me to post anything right now, which is probably for the best.

This is gonna be a dumb rant. I got sucked down a rabbit hole, cos this is a favorite topic of mine to talk about and I'm procrastinating horribly on purpose on a lot of dull paperwork. So strap in before reading my garbage. You're warned now, don't hafta TLDR or whatever, thanks, I already know. …Anyways. For those who care about irrelevant, shitty opinions:…I love Cow & Chicken. A lot. On paper I know exactly why it seems like a great idea to reboot on 'adultswim', purely on the merit they do things more outrageously. I'm certain many would watch this. It's actually kinda weird there hasn't been one yet, when you think about it, given this age of rehashes. It already has the raunchy humor and gross art down, seems like a match made in heaven, right?- It'd be easy too, "Cow & Chicken" wasn't exactly lavishly drawn or had a big cast. Well… Much as I think there could be a slim possibility of it happening, for it to be good, and IF they do good, to be wildly entertaining…I don't think "Cow & Chicken" is going to ever get actually rebooted. And I don't think it benefits from being rebooted, either, which is really the only reason you should try to reboot things ever in the first place. The lore of an IP needs to benefit in being revisited, somehow, and ESPECIALLY, SPECIFICALLY, if brought back for adults. It is very unlikely gonna be executed right, ironically BECAUSE of this show's already semi-adult nature. And the reasons why, is endemic to why a whole lot of current modern shows, and movie/live action series remakes, are suffering too. -And no, it is NOT due to the reasons some of you're likely thinking of. It is NOT cos of any tired old: "things are just too safe and WOKE /PC culture now!" theories. (That sort of affair is highly subjective/means basically nothing or very different things to different people. Pretty impossible to gauge due to how all over the place/ludicrously out of touch with general fans censors and networks can be, no matter what their political leanings or personality is. Which can and do range all over the place. So I won't go into that topic as it's an entirely different problem to what I am talking about. Plus I was there for the 80s and 90s, its pretty silly to say we can not get away with any wild things these days, cos let me assure you, by comparison, there is a LOT technically more we CAN do and say now, in both kid's and adult shows, that would never get by in a million years 30 years ago. You couldn't even just say the word 'kill', 'poop' or 'die' then, most the time. Let that sink in.)

…See to me, if it ironically hadn't ever been restrained by censors/made for kids, C&C might've been NOWHERE as good. Like. At all. It might've actually been one of the worst CN shows aired. Just 100% annoying gross-out show laziness, like a lot of shows of its era. The main reason it didn't flop was cuz 1) duh, Charles Adler, the main voice, and 2) it did its 'thing' the way original 'Ren & Stimpy' did. It didn't beat for beat copy them. Their writing/visuals just simply knew how to cross the line JUST enough, keeping the raunchy humor tucked in JUST as far as they could push it, but knew also on the whole how to always stay utterly light hearted, simple and goofy. That's where its core identity is. It's the dumb blithe enthusiastic Innocence of pretty much the entire cast, and the goofy simplicity of the plots/gags, while they get to say out the side of the mouth much more 'mature' sinister things….It works purely b/c of that contrast; sometimes with innuendo being camoflauged extremely subtly, sometimes NOT subtly at all. -But it would always go ping-ponging gracefully between the two. Never too much Idiotically Innocent, or too Smugly Adult and Crass. It would do this, with actual wit. It didn't JUST have gross visuals or say dirty jokes. It did all this with a theatrical, self-known flair. Shows like C&C and its fellow Golden Age shows basically are very good at doing what franchises like Monty Python were known for, and what Regular Show and Gravity Falls and similar would do later on, just with more visual ugliness.

…Meanwhile, a lot of other 1990's/current shows DO NOT have this memo. They do not have that balance, they lack the awareness of what is the difference between 'sneaking in occasional very dirty jokes with wit' and "throwing every and any kinda joke at a wall and not even bothering to look at what sticks." A LOT of 'gritty comedy parody reboot' things are doing this, and also doing this same idea just with the "dramatic tropes" instead of comedic tropes too. ….Including Ren & Stimpy itself. -Once 'The Ren & Stimpy Show' moved to SpikeTV, they went fully 'adult', and by direct result went 1000% downhill. I don't ascribe that to just poor writing(the original has flat stupid writing too), or ugly looking animation (so is the original). Not even John K.'s…ahem, history. If you fixed his behavior, and abusive attitude; made all his notoriously horrible bad jokes tamer, I still think 'Adult Party' would've tanked, because doing this concept in of itself is a fool's errand. It's not just rebooting nostalgic childhood IPs that's the problem, but specifically attempting to repackage something that was already a mild bit 'tawdry', so now that it is INTENTIONALLY for adults only. Whenever the entertainment industry does that 'gritty effect', be it games or movies or Netflix or comic books, it's 8/10 doomed, because you essentially neutered the core joke or appeal. You've taken away the cool 'taboo' point of saying hidden naughty/clever things, in a story you're not SUPPOSED to. You're able to state and do whatever you want, and so there's not only no leash to hold down any of the weaker ideas, there's almost no "rebellious challenge" to its bite whatsoever, even when those jokes/story ideas succeed. Noone is gonna be shocked or laugh nearly as much when a Red Guy says "KISS MY ASS!" unironically in an adultswim show, as they would if he says "KISS MY ASS!!!!!!….-Her name is GERTRUDE! :D" -and then happily pulls onstage a donkey wearing a big bowtie in on a rope, because this renders it now a pun and technically 'child safe' to flaunt now. (This isn't a real joke from the show btw, I'm only making this up for convenience. But you get the idea. It's the precise sort of silly thing you know he'll do. :P )

Neither the audience nor execs are 'prey' anymore for the writers to be creatively poking the boundaries with, when you remove that expectation. It's different if your IP started with an already adult geared story to begin with, but, when it's a full on polar opposite shift in tone and/or age demographics like that, it's almost always pulled off in a confused messy way, because even the original work's creators themselves, (IF they're even kept around, or are familiar with the source material if they are new), are trapped now in completely unfamiliar territory. Without a deeply wild reinventing of the show's lore or main tenets(a thing which nobody has ever been upset by on the internet!), it usually doesn't have anything else to stand on, especially with a purely episodic comedy show, like Cow and Chicken is. Once you take out this 'vulnerability' in our dynamic, between child/censor guardians, and writers, this main core joke of not knowing what the writers are and are NOT actually going to get away with is gone, and so much of the stakes now is irreversibly lost. Sometimes being hidden from the details is what makes a gag all the more funnier, or a scary scene all the scarier, or a cringe scene all the cringier. If we take away this, things lack a lot more of the colorful shock & ridiculousness. The main DNA in these classic "deranged shows", like Ed, Edd n Eddy, Ren&Stimpy, Rocko and C&C, that a lot of nostalgic fans, and current show-runners often alike forget; is the simple fact that such shows had to weigh the balance of: 'being a sincere kid show' and 'trying to get away with something they're not supposed to'. …With very deep emphasis on the words: "GET AWAY WITH". To me, a show is not getting "away" with something good, be it a message, a joke, a deeper sense of drama, if you constantly always spell it out for us, and we know you lose nothing and have to take no creative risk by displaying it for the audience. You're not really earning a prize, if someone just right at the start, hands you a medal. In other words….Every good memorable/subversive classic cartoon show, is not beloved just because they got to have crazy visuals, or say and do unhinged jokes. …You needed to be MEMORABLY STRANGER for having those qualities, in the first place. If you do something unhinged and bizarre, but coming in I expect to see it, is it really an unhinged show?

See, there's a reason why most of the frequent reboots of Scooby Doo like 'Velma' atrociously fail. And it's not because they changed someone that was formerly white, or made someone like Shaggy have a different name, or backstory. Or even because they overhauled an old wholesome character into a rude, toxically mean, judgemental unpleasant character. Yes this does affect some tastes, but on the whole, that wasn't the core problem for most watchers. LOADS of shows have a morally awful, pompous, or an incompetent, chaotic mess for a central protagonist, or reinvent them in some way if they come from an old property. Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law, and Space Ghost Coast to Coast did more or less exactly what "Velma" does, where they took an old IP and completely transformed their roles/upgraded their style of humor for a more adult audience. Rick & Morty has a toxic main protagonist. South Park has four of them. Family Guy and American Dad has them, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, the list goes on. Even kid shows do this, and sometimes get away with it well too: Dan Versus did it well so did Ren and Stimpy, again, back when it understood how it worked. Having a mean protag or changed fundamentals, isn't why so many reboots don't work. …What happens with bad modern remakes of Scooby Doo, (and not just in shows like Velma), is often that they forget how to make things have that beautiful sense of contrast, that Cow and Chicken does, in its writing. They do not know how to both show this is a show rooted in something sincere, WHILE ALSO saying outrageously dirty/surreal/mean/pompous or dark things inside that vessel. The appreciation for the context of its background, is what makes shows like 'Mystery Inc.' and 'Zombie Island' work, while Velma and other SBs, do not. If we took Cow & Chicken, stripped it of it's irony, what else do we have except yet another dime a dozen weaker show, constantly going 'haha, me say the rude words!/do the gross bad thing again!' adult oriented show, with no fangs? Another exhausting reboot, which takes yet another unoriginal idea, robs its reputation, and wastes our time? …There's a way to do this kind of thing right. I just do not think most people, not even some of the most talented in the business, have the freedom or ability to do so. Not even Samurai Jack, a legend of an animated program, escaped this 'update it for adults!' treatment unscathed. If you're gonna update something for adults, you really have to think about WHY it was good in the first place. Not take just what you had, and stamp lots of expletetives or flashes of red to indicate actual blood on there. You need either to actually SAY something, completely useful and different, or, just stick to your guns with the old formula, and do it so well it exceeds the hype for the original. Which is also near being impossible to do. Hence, it begs the question, why do it at all?

…Sorry for this TEDTalk, I just love being an absurd mess at 2AM when I have better more boring adult things to do.

[the-firebird69]

What a few girls constantly bothering him and not single and they are girls and his problems with their husbands and they're starting to look at that all you know only the girls they're near me sitting near him are one of the husband is not true they're making a lot of stuff up because they did some wrong stuff we have a lot of announcements and he wants me to make some

-+we have a war in the rings and trying to act civil or something but it could be the pseudo empire he says although they probably will try and put them in the mental hospital and he doesn't want to go there at all and promises to burn it to the ground and we do too we don't want that and yeah we do hold grudges. There were 300 million that went out there gone that was each side $700 million more were called they're down to about 250 million each out of that the last group is going to move in in about 30 minutes and about 250 million and 200 million we feel they'll be wiped out.

-+couple other things going on my husband's always uncomfortable but he says it's more mild today and it is the weather is a little better for some reason and he says the air conditioner works a little more which is odd I think she might be more humid which makes it a little better somehow. So it's less drained but slept okay and there's a reason for that they're getting beat up what a bunch of houses this is terrible they turned out to be very difficult for us and a lot of people

-well they're expecting 200 each side to be out by noon no it's like 1:00 p.m. and they both will call more we hear the student empire saying 400 and we hear they're more like saying 500 as of right now the leadership is 16% and 30% roughly in a few hours it will be lower.

-+there's an evacuation on last night this morning 10% left and the anticipate about 5% more by early evening but there were 15% left announce about 20% as it was an influx. So right now it'll be down to 15% by the end of the day by estimate and the remaining originals the end of the day will be 5% this is very low once they're out evacuated or other there will be a pull to somewhere else and it will be weak and I'll try and kidnappings and it won't work and it is Trump's theory and it is faulty.

-+there are other things happening it is going to be a hectic day but a big one this is the day of their huge intent and it will begin this evening and they're going to burn up more of their leadership each side this little empire will have more the warlock Max might be down to who knows someone says 12% and we think it's true and after tonight it will be below 10% and the pseudo empire will be below 30% possibly at 20% and they plan on continuing large scale attacks.

-+I like my husband's idea of becoming someone and having money and getting involved in business and the max wanted and he's got to look like a pigweed but he has to start somewhere and fill it up and all sorts of stuff it's tough business is tough but he'd help finding parts for a kid getting them on time distributing them and it's work but it's going to be interesting we like it but we want to start projects now to get things going and the Bradley is famous if you did that it starts people thinking Volkswagen and such and they did put the wheels on the ground and it should pop up sometime for the recent Volkswagen it's still production I think in 2008 it's not too long ago and there's a whole bunch of them in garages they said they pull them out and put them in service and the mustang fits the Ford GT40 kit I like that LOL

-we have a few other things to talk about but we're going to print

Hera

Olympus

[cugzarui]

even before i read it and oftenly after i read it i thought a lot about that post imagining you find out one day you lacked a vitamin without knowing it and once you're given the vitamin all your problems go away

anyway e535 caught my interest recently

e535 is sodium ferrocyanide and is used as an anti caking agent in every bit of salt i own. and probably in your salt too. as the name implies it is 'mildly' toxic. i put mildly in quotes because according to a quick search it has a lower recommended dose than actual hydrogen cyanide. which kinda seems to me like it means this stuff is more toxic than literal hydrogen cyanide. but what do i know.

(interestingly, it has a recommended dose that's 6 times lower than cyanide while also holding 6 cyano ligands. and chemistry doesn't really work like that just putting 6 of a toxin on something doesn't make it 6 times more toxic by weight but i find it odd that it's the same number here)

now, the amount of it that you're allowed to put in salt is very low. low enough that you would never even approach a dangerous dose. which is really good cuz 0.5% of my salt is anti caking agents, and if all of that was sodium ferrocyanide i'd be way over the recommended dose already and put suffering from kidney damage. i mean i didn't go to a doctor to check or anything and my body is normally dysfunctional in all sorts of ways so there's no way to be sure it's the anti caking agents in my salt of all things that's causing it, but i do sometimes feel intense pinpoint pain in my lower back for a few seconds and my urine might be a bit cloudy so maybe i should check that out.

the amount of sodium ferrocyanide allowed in salt is so low i don't think it does anything. the maximum allowed is something like 20 parts per million. and it's also not the only anti caking agent used. and some salts don't use any anti caking agents so i really wonder why put this toxic stuff in people's food when you literally don't even seem to need to.

i have three theories:

1) i think by far the most likely explanation is that it doesn't do anything (in the amount you find in salt) and its added for some stupid reason like bureaucracy or taxes or shareholders or that's how we've always done it why stop now. i like this theory cuz it means my salt is safe.

2) unlikely i think but still possible. it does actually function as an effective anti caking agent somehow even at such low concentrations. some chemicals can do their magic even in absurdly small quantities.

3) the most sinister. this one's also possible. there's way more sodium ferrocyanide in salt than what's legally allowed. my salt doesn't actually say how much of it is sodium ferrocyanide. it just says how much anti caking agents it has, and that one of those agents is sodium ferrocyanide. i'm hoping it's the legal amount. it may not be.

i will try to get salt that doesn't have this stuff and see if that fixes any of my problems. i'm not an expert on e535 so even though i strongly eluded that i think it's poisoning me i really dont actually know. you might wanna test it yourself but don't just throw out your salt in a panic it genuinely could just be that my body is a piece of shit even when normal salt is given to it.

[night-dark-woods]

ID. forum screenshots:

1. This next story is from my buddy, he heard it from a guy who hear it from another guy who hear it from another guy so take it with a heavy grain of salt.

This guy is going a dive, depth, location, what he was doing never got specified. Just that he was "really deep". He starts hearing this off noise that gets associated with the carpet a lot. The way he described was similar to that video of the *bloop*. Ultra low pitch, sort of like a super creepy distorted whale song. As he gets closer he hears this almost static crackling noise as well. The way he described it was like "a million prawns getting cracked open at once" if that makes any difference. As he gets closer the the bottom, the noises are getting louder and louder. At this point he was thinking that he's hearing some sort of sonar from a submarine and that some jackass submarine crew is playing a joke on him.

When the guy gets to the bottom he shines his light around, trying to find whatever he's looking for. And what he saw was the sea floor had literally come to life and was crawling past him. This is probably the best description of the carpet you're going to get.

According to this guy:

>Carpet is at least a mile long/wide

>made mostly of these strange black feelers that apparently make the strange popping noise

>most of the top is covered in various sand, rocks, debris, with feelers poking through

>also a few long transparent "stalks" as he described them that float upwards

>apparently some of these were like 20ft long

>according to the guy it was "singing" which doesn't make any fucking sense to me, but whatever

Guy swam back up to the surface and claimed he had an equipment malfunction. Came back down a couple hours later and got there just in time to see the last of the thing disappear. Apparently it "stretched as far as the eye could see". Which isn't that far at the bottom of the ocean, but still.

2. This one is an old urban legend that's been floating around the diving community for years. Never heard a concrete source of it, so IMO it probably never happened. Especially since it involves a submarine crew, so I'm not sure how a diver would have hear about it, since as far as I know submarine crew usually stay inside their ship. Anyway, here goes.

Submarine is doing something, either wargames or patrolling for chinese/russian/north korean/bad guy submarines. The story isn't terribly consistent about this, I hear it different every single time.

For whatever reason, they are not using active sonar because they want to avoid detection, floating dead somewhere "a couple hundred meters off the sea floor"

They're just sitting there, chilling and listening with their sensors, trying to detect enemy submarines or whatever, when they start hearing "the noise". Their sensors can't make any sense of it, and it's getting louder at an alarming rate. Starts out as something only the sensors can hear, but before long the entire crew is hearing this strange, distorted humming/singing that people always associate with the carpet. Captain thinks the only explanation is that it's some sort of new sonar/jamming technology and order the sonar crew to send out a ping to locate the source of the noise. This is the part of the story that stays the most consistent, I assume because it's the most memorable. The sonar operator shouts out "New Sonar contact, bearing... Sir? what's our depth?"

The captain replies, "500m" or whatever depth the submarine is supposed to be at. The sonar opterator replies. "But sir, the sonar says the sea floor is 10m melow us."

"The captain says that's nonsense, then walks over to the sonar station. Checks the reading, then walks over to the helsman and checksthe depth. Checks the nautical charts for where they are. Somehow apparently, the ocean has gotten about 200m shallower.

3. His theory is that the carpet is basically the siphonophore equivalent of a russian nesting doll. Rather than being a colony of individual cells, it is a colony of individual multicellular siphonophores and is therefor the missing link between single celled life and complex multicellular life. The "bloop" noise which the carpet apparently makes is actually millions of these creatures communicating in their own primitive language. Since siphonophores can reproduce asexually, he envisions the carpet as constantly evolving in size and shape depending on the environment and amount of food it can consume. So perhaps after consuming the carcass of a very large creature like a whale or giant squid it would be extremely large and have a large amount of "cells" but would eventually shrink as it self consumed unneeded cells. The multicellular structure of the carpet serves a twofold purpose, both serving as a distraction from potential predators similar to a lizard losing it's tail while running away, and a long term storage of nutrients. Since big meals are few and far between at the bottom of the ocean, the carpet stores the energy it consumes by creating more cells and growing larger, which it will consume between meals whenever it needs energy.

Not just that, but he's convinced that the very first forms of life on earth evolved in the deep ocean near volcanic vents, making the carpet the oldest existing form of life on the planet by far.

He talked my ear off for a while but I dont have much more interesting to tell you guys than this for now. Though I feel that even though this is /x/ and people come here to hear about supernatural/weird stories and shit- this is just the hypothesis of one guy who apparently saw the carpet once. It's by no means the definitive truth and this guy hasn't ever actually been able to perform a real scientific study on it, he just saw it once and is drawing conclusions from what little knowledge he has.

End ID.

He was likely hallucinating if he wasn’t making it up for fun but the coolest and scariest marine cryptid claim is definitely the giant freezing cold carnivorous flesh blob allegedly encountered by a diver in 1953, who said he watched it eat a shark: “ Suddenly the water became distinctly colder. While the temperature continued to drop with surprising rapidity, I saw a black mass rising from the darkness of the chasm. It floated upwards very slowly. As at last light reached it I could see that it was of dull brown colour and tremendous size, a flat ragged edged thing about one acre in extent. It pulsated sluggishly and I knew that it was alive despite its lack of visible limbs or eyes. Still pulsating, this frightful vision floated past my level, by which time the coldness had become most intense. The shark now hung completely motionless, paralyzed either by cold or fear. While I watched fascinated, the enormous brown thing reached the shark, contacted him with its upper surface. The shark gave a convulsive shiver and was drawn unresisting into the substance of the monster. “

[octoagentmiles]

@poisonedbasil

Gladly <3

First of all, Captain Barnacles:

He was born, and raised through the Polar Scout program with his twin sister Bianca. Through this program, he met Professor Natquik and Tracker (and possibly Boris the Narwhal).

At some point during his scout days, he met Professor Inkling, who had found himself trapped in the Arctic somehow, and had to be rescued by the cubs (including Barnacles).

Natquik was Barnacles’ mentor and father figure who was forced to leave the Arctic so he could do research in Antarctica. Tracker joined the Polar Scouts soon after he left, and he never made it back home. He was stuck in the Antarctic for at least 20 years, maybe longer.

When Barnacles was a cub, some ice cracked from underneath him and he got stuck in a very deep hole for a very long time, and he now has PTSD from the event.

Sometime after he graduated Scouts, he got a position on a ship called the MV Manitoba. It’s very likely (but not canon...... yet-) that he met Tweak on this ship.

The ship crashed, he returned home to the Arctic, reunited with Tracker, and trained him to run the Polar Emergency Post Station.

After that, he was asked by Professor Inkling to be Captain of the Octonauts.

Kwazii. This cat has so much story potential but I will say right now that a LOT of it is speculation/theory. MOST of what I'm about to say is canon though:

Kwazii is different from other pirates, and has been since he was little. Pirates are scary and mean, just like the legends, but Kwazii is kind and good.

Kwazii was born to a huge family of pirates. His grandfather, Calico Jack (aptly named after real life pirate “Calico Jack”), is one of the most famous pirates who ever lived, and they look a lot alike.

Calico Jack left his family/crew behind “in search of the Hidden City of Gold” (so he said), when Kwazii was just a little kitten.

Kwazii was abandoned by his family for being weak (kind, soft, etc.).

He chose to NOT be a pirate at one point in his life...

(This might be what caused his family to abandon him; ie. he made a big show one night about not wanting to be like them, and they were like “ok walk the plank then.” and he did.)

...but then RECHOSE to be a pirate again after learning about his grandfather.

He was a pirate of his own making for a while, with no crew,

Before getting found by Barnacles/The Octonauts and joining them.

All cats in this universe seem to be pirates, plus Kwazii wears an eyepatch and speaks generally very piratey, so despite being an Octonaut creatures are always afraid of him because they recognize him as a pirate--

and it’s very sad because all he wants to do is help but he keeps getting attacked-- [*sobs*]

Peso:

Lil guy was SO insecure in seasons 1-2+½.

He was very dependent on others, and always compared himself to his friends (mainly Barnacles and Kwazii).

He has a HUGE family, including a little brother, big brother (his name is Pogo but we haven’t met him yet, he’s mentioned in the blobfish episode), and one million cousins.

It’s possible that growing up around so many other penguins, that he did get compared to them quite a bit, and/or never fully got to shine. Which is why he’d get so flustered being in the spotlight in s1-2.

His dependency issues are interesting, because Peso gets his best character growth moments when he’s forced to be by himself. (Vampire Squid, Aggregate Anemones, Spookfish, CONE SNAIL, and more.)

He’s also the youngest and newest recruit on the Octopod, so that’s fun. He hasn’t been around for very long; we see him going through training in season 1, so he probably joined off-screen sometime right before the first episode.

Shellington:

We don’t know too much about Shellington, but we DO know that he is a sea otter who is allergic to urchins: meaning he literally cannot do the one thing sea otters are expected to do (eat urchins so they don’t destroy kelp forests) and y’know that’s gotta be pretty stressful.

He discovered the Vegimals himself, and named all of them. He incubated and hatched their eggs in his lab, and has been studying them ever since, and that’s how he picked up their language.

Dashi doesn’t have much going for her, not gonna lie. The most she’s ever gotten is in The Caves of Sac Actun, where they revealed she did cave diving with Ryla.

#SilvergategiveDashisomeloreplease2022

aaaaaaaand I can’t go too deep into Inkling or Tweak without significantly spoiling Season 5, but there is a little bit I can say about Tweak:

She grew up the in the Florida Everglades with her father, as a creature tracker and outdoorsy kid.

Somewhere along the line she started building gadgets and gizmos.

She then [REDACTED SPOILERS], and eventually (again, not canon yet-) joined the Manitoba crew where she met Barnacles.

She was the first ever official Octonaut, as she was there before they were even called "The Octonauts".

She built the first Octopod. It crashed; she built the second Octopod. She built all the gups.

and the rest that I could say about her is just theory and speculation 😅

AND I really wanna ramble about Calico Jack real quick: He has a VERY mysterious past—he is kind and good like Kwazii, but it's implied he wasn't always like that. He was hiding out in the Amazon River for almost 20 years, claiming he was "stuck", but was able to leave with ease the second he had a reason to. He's terrified of disappointing Kwazii, and Captain Barnacles too now that he's an Octo-Agent, and I just think that's really interesting. 👀👀

also not sure if it counts but in the books there were cities, towns, and kingdoms, so a lot of people like to imagine that there are still cities full of animal-people out there somewhere in the showverse. especially since there's multiple instances of the Octonauts picking up trash, including tires, grocery bags, etc., that's polluting the ocean that they say "was thrown away", Tweak mentioning "ordering parts" from somewhere, plus Dashi's side gig with "National Seaographic".

There's ALSO like,,, a whole Thing regarding the difference between animals and animal-people that's been sparked by Above and Beyond, because there's been a lot of non-anthro cats, bears, there was a picture of a bunny at one point, plus the entire Red Fox episode directly addressing the topic of animal instinct and the differences between arctic foxes (Natquik) and red foxes (new non-anthro character); but we don't know how far they're going to go with this.

and that's pretty much it???? i think???? if I think of more I'll let ya know lol <3

[queer-whatchamacallit]

Thinking about Hotch and how my brain has chosen to smoosh him to fit what I want from his character

Thinking abt how Hotch grew up in a horribly violent home that he did everything in his power to protect his little brother from because Hotch is so incredibly on the side of ‘no one deserves to feel this’ as opposed to ‘I want others to feel how I feel’

Autistic Hotch who hid everything in him as best he could because his home did not treat his differences and needs kindly, who was still considered ‘not quite right’ by those who interacted with him but wouldn’t be diagnosed and able to understand the disconnect he experienced with most people until he was almost 40

Hotch who was always a little lanky and resented how he only really gained weight and muscle well after his father died because he’d been counting down the days until he could fight back from the time he was like 13 but never had the physical strength to

Hotch not knowing how to deal with the myriad of ways this home has effected him and picking up smoking and drinking as a way to make everything feel less

Hotch meeting Haley and knowing he wanted to feel everything if it meant truly experiencing the way she made him feel

Hotch who hated his father and couldn’t understand why he was so devastated by his death. He has two main theories, and the answer is likely a combination of both and some things he hasn’t thought of. 1, that there was a million things he wanted to do and say to him to get some kind of closure after the torture he endured and never got the chance, and 2, that’s one of the biggest changes he’s ever experienced, and he sometimes just needs time to adjust

Hotch smoking on and off since meeting Haley, but after hearing Haley suggest they have kids some day, completely stopping because he would never want to leave Haley and a son behind because he got lung cancer like his father did

Hotchley who love each other to the ends of the Earth and tell each other everything and do their best to show the other the insane amount of love and trust they have for each other

Hotchley who are inseparable and take care of each other and are sweet to each other and always know how to make the other feel safe

Hotch who is completely terrified to have kids because he doesn’t feel like he is good enough to be trusted with a human life but also can’t think of any other life he would rather have with Haley than loving her and raising a kid together

Hotch who grew to have the body type of a brick wall, over six foot and all broad shoulders and stockiness, and is terrified of hurting people and always treats himself as dangerous when he’s in distress because on one or two occasions, his unintended strength has proven to more than anyone expects from Hotch, the gentle giant

Hotch who was nervous about holding Jack because he was so worried he was going to hurt him somehow

Hotch who has autism and obsessive compulsive tendencies and can be debilitatingly paranoid and has only slept well a handful of nights throughout his entire life and thinks he’s a failure at anything other than working and takes years to get therapy for any of this and is so fucking tired and the list goes on

Hotch who learns to take care of Jack after Haley’s death and thinks he’s doing everything wrong but is actually an amazing father

Hotch who finally gets help for how horrible his mental health is and realizes for the first time that there are ways of living that don’t involve him being miserable most of the time

Hotch after Witsec who drives a blue pickup truck to his job as a high school teacher every day and who can’t wait to have Jack in class because his favorite thing is spending time with his son

Hotch who still feels the need to help people, and can find that in teaching kids and looking out for them

Hotch figures out a lifestyle that works for him and a set of medications to help him manage everything better. He develops a special interest in escape rooms to fill his need for problems to solve, and he’s truly content for one of the first times in his life

I’m going to stop at these, but I could literally go on all day

[blueskittlesart]

i know you love tamaki but thoughts on each of the other hosts? my favourite is mori <3

full disclosure tamaki was my first real conscious fictional crush at the ripe age of 11 and TO THIS DAY i have to pause the show during the piano scenes to recover my dignity so he will always be my number one. my everything. my absolute love interest of all time. i could write essays on him for real. i HAVE written essays on him. that being said i can absolutely talk about the other hosts bc im literally obsessed w this show

haruhi was the gender blueprint. truly. girlboy swag. she and misa amane death note were definitely like. the two most influential characters on my personal style in middle and high school. this doesn't say anything good about me. she is also multifaceted and well characterized in a way that's SO refreshing for a romance protagonist. character of all time. also btw im the exact demographic this show was written for meaning i was a tamaki/haruhi truther from the very beginning. where is the tall blonde prince boy to my short stupid gnc bitch. when is it my turn to be happy

hikaru and kaoru. yes i know the twincest thing is weird but i am CHOOSING TO IGNORE IT because 1. the show is making fun of shoujo tropes. its SATIRE GUYS and 2. they are literally so well characterized that it MAKES SENSE THAT THEY DO IT. ugh. anyways kaoru was always my favorite of the two bc i love a man thats in tune with his own emotions. i like hikaru in theory but i think if i knew him in real life i would murder him. i am also obsessed with their characterization and backstory in general bc their specific brand of trauma is one that i so rarely see represented in media and i think they had a very realistic response to it?? like they're genuinely very well written characters i like them a lot. i could also probably write an essay about them

kyoya. im obsessed with him. hes a genius. hes an asshole. he runs a literal profitable business pimping out his besties. girls somehow like him despite him never actually showing affection to any of them in canon. hes literally the worst person alive. hes genuinely kindhearted despite everyone in his life attempting to beat it out of him. hes GAY. this is a joke mostly but i truly think that every decision in his life post-middle school is made because he is obviously, painfully in love with tamaki and also completely oblivious to this fact. like the show might attempt to make you think that hes got a thing for haruhi but literally every decision he makes is for tamaki's benefit (the manga is even MORE explicit about this btw and it makes me insane) and the entire time hes in denial about the fact that tamaki is literally everything to him. it's hilarious. "and so kyoya met him" uhhh fellas is it gay to consider the single most important event in your life to be meeting another man

i kinned honey in middle school for real and every time i think about it i want to die. i unfortunately still like cake. and rabbits. and i am still blonde and short. i might be haunted by this character for the rest of my life

i didn't get the appeal of mori at first tbh which might be a result of watching the anime 2 million times but never reading the manga LMAO bc he really is just a filler character in the show. but hes fun and i like him well enough. im sort of hoping he gets a little more room to be a real character in the manga tho bc ive like. just gotten out of the chapters that were adapted directly into the show so we're in uncharted territory now. im waiting for his chapter im SURE its coming

[tsunreleased]

ok so basically i’m gonna analyze this line by line. i’m insane.

there are two main things i wanna talk about here. 1. the death themes, and 2. the folklore/evermore/atwtmv references.

i’ll start with the death theme because it’s the biggest part of this theory and ties a lot of it together. it’s pretty straightforward and less of a theory, more just an analysis though. also it’s kind of obvious.

the song features her heartbeat throughout the entire thing, save for the very end. “we’re losing [the paitient]” is a pretty common phrase that would be said by doctors right when a patient is about to die, and taylor’s saying it here but about herself. joe wasn’t even observant enough to realize she was dying right in front of him, she had to call her own death just like she was the one to call off the relationship. “now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time [to call it].” this is just the very base of the death themes, they continue through the whole song but they bleed into the next part of my theory so i’ll move on for now.

the next part of my theory is that a lot more of folklore/evermore was about her real life then she let on. also specific lyrics in all too well tmv but those ones are more of a stretch. it’s been said in a lot of the articles that their relationship began to fall apart during covid, which is when folklore and evermore were written and also when red tv vault lyrics were being polished. here’s where i’m gonna start my analysis.

“i’m getting tired even as a phoenix, always rising from the ashes”

she’s done this before, “died” a million times, which almost calls back to death by a thousand cuts. however, it reminds me more of illicit affairs. we all know taylor cheated with joe at the beginning of the relationship. she’s written about it in gorgeous and high infidelity, we know this. illicit affairs is a “fictional” song about someone cheating and finding out that the relationship isn’t all they thought it would be. specifically the line “it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times.” like a phoenix trapped in a death and rebirth cycle. idk.

“how can you say that you love someone you can’t tell is dying.” “my face was gray but you wouldn't admit that we were sick” “til we were too far gone to bring back to life.”

these three lines sound eerily similar to the part in atwtmv, “til we were dead and gone and buried, check the pulse and come back swearing it’s the same, after three months in the grave.” they also remind me of a lot of the lines in my tears ricochet about death and funerals and all that.

we also have the soldier references, “all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army, frontlines, don’t you ignore me.” this combined with the imagery in the entirety of the great war kind of makes me feel like the “im a soldier who’s returning half her weight” from atw is connected somehow.

another point, she talks about how he didn’t notice her the whole time she was dying, and she says “i sent you signals.” which feels very exile. “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs.” plus “now you’re running down the hallway” from you’re losing me and “holding all this love out here in the hall” from exile.

then we have the marriage thing which takes a little detour but does circle back around to evermore. the lover album is full of marriage references. she gives off the impression that she loves this man so much and wants to marry him and be with him for the rest of their lives. marriage is referenced in lover (the song) paper rings and inthaf (and others i can’t remember rn.) she’s fully on board with the idea of marriage. she even follows it up in peace where she literally says she wants to give him a child. then suddenly in lavender haze she talks about not having to be married to be in love, and how content she is with just dating. seems like a huge change. then you remember that she wrote champagne problems, (co-wrote WITH JOE according to her. which is insane to me.) a song about not being ready for marriage idk. also a song she cries at frequently on tour. then in youre losing me, she says “i wouldn’t marry me either,” implying that she wanted marriage and joe said no way, and convinced her she didn’t want it. a lot to think about here.

the last references i wanted to bring up were in the people pleaser line. “a pathological people pleaser, who only wanted you to see her.” shes a people pleaser, constantly needing people to like her (which she talks all about in mirrorball,) but she “only wanted [him] to SEE her.” implying she was so desperate for him to show some kind of emotion towards her that she didn’t care if it was like or dislike or anything, she just wanted him to acknowledge her. this calls back to the archer, (another favorite song of mine to analyze lol), where she talks about feeling like people see through her (which is a double meaning i’m well aware), and now even her own boyfriend sees through her. insane. joe alwyn when i catch you you’re done for. anyway, this majorly relates to the whole theme in tolerate it where he just sits there apathetic and uncaring. not “say[ing] something” or “do[ing] something.” (“say SOMETHING, babe, do SOMETHING.”)

lastly, “now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time” is very similar to it’s time to go, the very last song on evermore.

anyway lmao its the middle of the night and i just spent forever writing this in a deranged state of mind, no way i’m proofreading anything so thanks for reading if you actually made it through the whole thing. sorry for clogging up my account i won’t do it again i promise. this song is just insanely fun to analyze for me and i have a million more thoughts but i’m not typing anymore rn oh my god. 💀

ik i don’t talk about songs here unless they’re unreleased but i have an insane mad scientist level delusional theory about you’re losing me if anyone wants to hear it 😭