#like i feel the urge to rewatch the series AGAIN

[maddy-ferguson]

starting to rewatch gilmore girls and greys anatomy bc theres nothing to watch. succession is abt to end, yellowjackets have a couple of episodes left to watch in this season, stranger things wont come out in 1-2 years. it is time to return to my roots and go for nostalgia atp.

wait why are you literally me

[pinecipitation]

I am once again up at your ass and asking for smiling friends hcs,,,, can I get fucking uhhhh Charlie and Alan with a crush who can't help but infodump their interests?? Talking about sitting then down and forcing them to watch their favorite movie and just rambling. (This is totally not me projecting in the slightest, nuh uh) THANK YOU WIFE I HOPE THIS IS OKAY TO ASK MWAH

SMILING FRIENDS X GN!READER

HELLO WIFE YES THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!! LEAN IN I HAVE A KISS READY FOR YOU

word count: 800+

warnings: none!!

CHARLIE:

- my guy doesn’t know about shit honestly, I feel like just how in the president election episodes he’d be like “idk idc” but in the end he gets an opinion with the more info you talk about

- of course because it’s YOU, he’d listen though

- you’re more into movies and shows and games than he is, so if the moment is ever dull he’d immediately hit you with the “….soooo,, any new recommendations?”

- boy do you have them

- he honestly enjoys the way you light up talking about the media you’re into, even if he isn’t quite retaining the information

- he doesn’t mind asking about it again just to hear your piece

- he thinks it’s sort of sweet that you get so heavy into a piece of media that you’d defend it to the ground, especially if its media that isn’t too widely liked or known or have much of a fanbase. he thinks it’s cool that he’s that person for you, like he’s getting insider information from a reliable source

- he finds himself seeing the media in the wild and immediately thinking about your thoughts on it, if he sees a figure of a character you don’t like or a poster of an arc you loved he’d be sure to point it out to himself

- will find himself going “man, fuck this character” to himself because of you, immediately shaking his head and wondering what was wrong with him. He didn’t even know the character, but he subconsciously has an opinion on them because of you

- back to you though, he would have a hard time physically sitting down to watch or read what you’re into, or try out a hobby you like, but when the moment comes where you offer watching the series with him he will jump on it without a second thought

- you do talk and pause to rewind certain parts in it, which he usually wouldn’t like people doing, but it doesn’t matter to him. it’s not like he’s watching the show anyways, he’s too fixated on you and how close you two are on his couch

ALAN:

- now he would ACTUALLY know what you’re talking about and pay attention to the movies and series

- usually he would just state he’s seen it or doesn’t care for it, but he’s breaking habits if it’s something you’re visibly excited about

- of course he’s happy to rewatch it though

- “no, I don’t know about it, is it good?” he’s seen the movie four times

- alan the type of man to stare at you blankly and resist the urge to add his own opinions and facts, but stays quiet for the plot

- he does genuinely enjoy having you so vocal about a subject you’re so passionate about, you’re somehow one of the only people he doesn’t get too overstimulated around, plus this way he doesn’t have to talk as much

- the day you offered a movie marathon at his place was a turning point, him taking the day off before just so he can clean and make the place acceptable, going the lengths to get usual movie snacks and blankets and such. this, and him hiding his books and dvds so that you wouldn’t stumble on them and find out he’s been pretending this entire time

- for the sake of the plot we’re ignoring alan being a morning person, in this universe he’s a night owl hence the eye bags

- the marathon goes on for later in the night than you both anticipated, after the first several hours and rambles of explaining you find yourself more and more tired and you pause the movies less and less

- it doesn’t take Alan long to notice that you fell asleep just like that, the blanket around the two of you and the bowl of chips discarded beside you

- he doesn’t care about that though, what he does care about is your head centimeters away from his shoulder

- not feeling even a little tired, he pauses the movie and carefully grabs his phone, sure not to move himself or you and writes down the time and place he paused, sure that you’d want to continue in the morning or another day. he’s also sure to write a small summary of where you two left off, now that you both “watched it together” he can talk back in infodump conversations and not give away that he knows the parts you two didn’t watch

- he’s quick to move when you shift in your sleep, him carefully but rapidly moving his hand from between you two and scooping his shoulder right under your head. you didn’t seem to wake or notice, a small lazy smile of success on his face as the two of you spend the rest of the night on the couch, him on his phone and you resting peacefully on his shoulder.

[burnin0akleaves]

Here's the draw six fanarts meme I decided to participate in 4 years late

In true burnin0akleaves spirit I didn't ask anyone for requests and just went ahead with all of the characters that have been the most impactful/important to me, so there is a high chance you've seen me draw these guys before.

By the way, unlike the rest of the blorbos here Siyra is an original character and belongs to @nineteen-rats!

Close-ups and rambles under the cut because it's my blog

Ohh the Dark Urge. My latest obsession. I love his design so much, I'm a slut for white/red color schemes, but I feel like it's a double edged sword that takes you out of the horrors he's commiting at the same time?

Durge is supposed to be murder incarnate, someone that does every fucked up thing related to death imaginable; but when you see a giant lizard eating babies or humping corpses, it dulls the effect a bit since you automatically view it as an animalistic act. Dragonborns are obviously a fully sentient humanoid race in-universe; but when the violence you're seeing is already toeing the line between horrifying and hilarious, seeing a scalie doing it just pushes it over the line. I still think it works really well most of the time and I'm very glad that this is the default durge we get! It's just funny to me that when you choose to play as the giant lizard, the dark and disgusting horror story turns into the hilariously edgy bloodfest.

Reminding everyone again that Siyra belongs to @nineteen-rats! I love this man so so so much. I am the Siyra fandom. I am the number one Siyra fanartist. He did nothing wrong and I will defend his every decision. I also hope terrible horrors befall him and that his actions keep him awake for the rest of his life. Pookie bear xoxo

COMING IN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR IT'S WILL TREATY

He is on my mind, always. I don't talk about him as much but he's probably still the fictional character who had the most impact on me as a person.

PATROCLUS! PATROCLUS!!! SIR I'M YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!!

I got into patrochilles and the Illiad in general thanks to "The Song of Achilles". It was one of the first queer books I got to have in real life and the prose captivated me instantly, I still have it on my shelf. After reading the Illiad itself however, I hate that book so much. I'm sorry it's genuinely beautiful and I get why people like it but I can never forgive that horrible Patroclus characterization after seeing what he was originally like. Achilles too for that matter.

Hades swooped me up into its arms like I was a sick baby bird and nursed me back to health with its portrayal of the two though and for that I am forever grateful. I can't wait for Hades 2, death to Chronos.

God Half-Life is such an important series for me. My dad would let me play through a few levels since I was a child, he grew up with the games, but I REALLY played through the entire series one summer shortly before dad moved out. He was there watching me play most of it and getting to enjoy someone actually translate the game's dialogue for him for the first time.

Gordon may not speak once but I like the hints of his personality we get throughout the games, most importantly from the way Alyx talks to/about him. I have my own characterization of him obviously but I do really think you can get a good understanding of the kind of man he is meant to be in-universe just by paying attention to his surroundings. Also another reason the games were so immersive for me is that I'm just as in love with Alyx as Gordon is. I must have let her get hit only once or twice the entire time just out of how protective I was over her. I'd topple the entire Combine empire just for her hand in marriage. I rewatched the ending of Half Life Alyx recently and cried.

I read the entirety of LOTR in one week in 11th grade, carrying that damn brick of a book everyday to school and back. I'm so glad I did honestly. Frodo and Sam are my important little guys and I find myself going back to them when I need something to calm me down in a way no other series except LOTR can. I've read most of Tolkien's work at this point, but nothing captivated me like those two little hobbits. Everytime I read a bad take about their relationship I sketch them making out.

People liked seeing my drawing process before so here's the original sketch and the little notes I wrote to myself trying to set the mood. I followed like half of them.

[cloveroctobers]

FEBRUARY FLUFF — JUAN “JUICE” ORTIZ.

A/N: Juice was always my man when it came to SOA and I’ll forever be traumatized and bitter over his storyline + how he was treated. That’s probably one of the reasons why I’ll never do a rewatch tbfh. In my mind he’s thriving and I’ve always wanted happiness for him and that’s what he’s gonna get here! Also my first time ever writing for this man so go easy on me although this is more HC (my version) form. Have a happy love day whether it’s with a significant other, family, friends, or just yourself! know that you’re always worthy and capable of receiving and giving love and not just on this one day of the year 🩷🫡

PROMPTS ARE FROM HERE + I’m using: 19. "can i see your hand?" / "sure, why?" / "so i can see how well it fits with mine." + 35. "let's take a stupid walk for our stupid mental health!"

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩

When you got word from your mother that Juan was back in town for good, you had to see so for yourself.

January’s always been gloomy but when you came face to face with the man you haven’t seen in years at the front door of his mother’s, you wanted to collapse but managed to keep your composure.

Juan’s sad but somewhat still warm eyes are unsure at first, taking in your facial expression but you clear his concerns as you’re yanking him tightly to your body in a tender embrace.

And he feels like he might just break down himself in your arms.

You were just what he needed.

The both of you had to make up for lost time and Juan had to keep convincing you that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Things didn’t work out in his favor in California (little did you know, he barely made it out alive) and Juan never wanted you to visit, although your older brother and his girlfriend, Saskia lived out there—which means you took trips but in a sense you learned to accept that was Juan’s way of protecting you from the demons that latched onto his soul.

You couldn’t take it personally since Ms. Hilda, his mother never visited either but spoke to him every couple of months—which may have been hard or if not harder for her.

Although the both of your mother’s were good friends that didn’t mean the both of you didn’t have your share of childhood trauma’s (because of them) that bled into your adulthood.

Nonetheless the both of you spent a month reconnecting, taking each day by day as it took to rebuild a friendship.

It felt right having Juan back in your life and he can honestly say the same.

“I never knew how much I missed you until I saw your face again,” he said to you over the phone one night.

Juan’s always been a sweetheart and never had an issue expressing his love for you to the point many kids back in school questioned if you were dating.

It never happened but that didn’t mean Juan didn’t want it to yet you found yourself in a few relationships here and there. Which was brought up by your mother during a birthday dinner for your brother (who was visiting) that February.

“I find it hard to believe that you’re still single. I mean hell, when is anybody going to give me a grandchild?” Your mother chatted over a glass of Cabernet playfully glaring at your brother who cleared his throat before setting her eyes back on you, “You know I saw Marlon just the other day?”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes at this. You’ve only been at the table for ten minutes, supposedly going over the menu and yet here your mother was worrying about children and your love life.

And she just had to bring your college ex into it.

“Really,” you gave faux interest as you viewed the entrees.

“Mhm. He’s been divorced for a few years now and he’s single. I even showed him a picture of you to see if he remembered you. He laughed about it and said he thought you were with Juan now.”

Your brother is coughing now on his own drink and his girlfriend of four years is patting him on the back.

Glancing to your right you stare at Juan rubbing at his face in thought, who mentally seemed to be having a tough day today. He stayed at your house last night and apologized over breakfast about how he got into these dark moods.

You assured him that he didn’t have to apologize for his feelings. Asking if he wanted to be your plus one tonight, only if it was up for it.

He’d push through it for you because he was devoted to being near you as much as possible since he didn’t want to lose anymore time with his best friend.

How would Marlon assume this? You’re turning back to your mother now, furrowed brows while you reply, “why did he think that?”

“He said he saw the both of you running around the park together. He wanted to say hi but you and Juan seemed to be racing and he didn’t want to interrupt.” Your mother informs, staring at you two underneath her eyelashes with her lips moving back to the rim of her glass.

This didn’t make you feel any sort of way because you also haven’t seen Marlon in years either. You weren’t really checking for him but—the breakup didnt turn sour—it was mutual! however it was interesting to see different perspectives on how people viewed you and Juan.

Juan was gone from New York by the time you both reached your early twenties and by then you were still with Marlon. Juan would visit up at school and hung out with you two a couple of times! even when Marlon tried to put him onto some college girls…there was a part of Juan that felt like he was guilty of something.

Even when he engaged in activities—sure it may have felt great in the moment but he always ended up feeling like shit since he wanted it to be you.

So yes you were part of the reason why he got out of New York and to find a better sense of direction for himself.

You’re shrugging your shoulders redirecting the conversation, “well..I’m sorry things didn’t work out with his wife.”

“Are you?”

“Mom! Chill.” Your brother stepped in which you were somewhat thankful for. Why were you always getting shit on when you knew it was on the tip of your mother’s tongue that your brother “should” be thinking about marriage since she hinted at you once before during your girl’s day.

Although you and your dad both were aware that your brother didn’t want to get married.

“I’m just saying you should think about it or what about that guy from high school? The funny looking one.”

“They were both goofy to me. Especially Stu.” Your brother snorted while you shielded your middle finger from your mother to direct at your sibling.

Your first boyfriend was senior year and he cheated on you with a redhead because he got dumped prior to asking you out. It made sense to him but definitely not to you.

Yeah that’s highschool stupidity for you!

Juan shuddered at the mention of your first boyfriend, “man that guy? He was ridiculously obnoxious in and outside of class and hung out with that other guy…the one who gave me serious serial killer vibes.”

“You did always say that,” you laughed to yourself and couldn’t deny it. You never wanted to be alone with Stu’s best friend at the time, the way his dark eyes bored into yours always made you feel uneasy.

“He’s harmless!” Stu would persuade you before always leaving you with him for at least a minute or two.

Your mother pried, “Well where is he now?”

“Hell if I know? Probably married to another redhead with three or four kids? Still possibly cheating? What is this, a walk down memory lane?”

Juan could sense you were getting agitated about this and placed his hand right above your knee which made you exhale.

Your mother is raising her hands, “I’m just looking out for you and your brother’s happiness. That’s all.”

“I am happy. Go dig in his business then, it’s his birthday anyway.” You suggested while your mother just scoffed.

Raising your brows, your mother continued knowing that you were always ready to challenge her, “I will but when’s the last time you’ve been in a serious relationship?”

“Are you the expert when it comes to relationships now? You waited six months after the divorce from dad to get married to someone else. You settled for dad’s bullshit for years and now suddenly you want to micromanage what goes on in mine? Are you keeping this same energy with your step kids?”

Your brother is calling your name as a warning now but you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t triggered.

growing up having your mother constantly in your ear saying to you, “you’ll never get a bf because of xyz.” Simply from little stupid things you would do as a pre-teen to teenage years was damaging because you were just an insecure kid not worrying about romantic relationships in the slightest. Although you had a mother who seemed to be more concerned about the male gaze for you.

So what if your room got messy? So what if there were days where you didn’t want to be bothered with your hair? Or was too much in grown folks business when your mother would gossip on the phone about inappropriate subjects right in front of you! while also bringing up all of your business to her friends or family members like some sort of humiliation tactic and then never taking your emotions into account when you voiced your discomfort?

Don’t get it wrong, of course you had love for your mother but you couldn’t erase what was said and done. A list of things that still stuck with you and things that you should perhaps just “let go of,” yet she still felt comfortable to talk about your love life like you were some low self-esteem kid.

You never had that relationship where you felt safe to share anything with your mother because of her critiques.

“Hold on now, I’m just trying to make conversation—

“You don’t need to. Not when it comes with an opinion i never asked for to match.”

Then comes the tears and Saskia is tending to her, whisking your mother away to the bathroom with her crying to Sas about how she, “tries to be a good mother and these are the things she gets.”

“Did you have to do this on my day?” Your brother sighs while your eyes are in slits.

“You and dad are the exact same, always expecting me to just take it. I don’t give a damn if it was Easter, if she’s coming at me then I’m going to let her know. I know she’ll always be mom but she refuses to ever see my side on anything.”

“Why does it have to be about sides? We’re family at the end of the day.”

The famous excuse for it all so it seems!

“And we must always be on some we are the world bullshit too, no matter what huh?”

Juan covers his snort at this, which earns him a look from your brother, leaving Juan to mumble out an apology.

It’s quiet for a moment as your brother tries to figure out how to make this okay but you don’t want to stick around to continue this dinner. In your eyes it felt ruined already.

Only seconds pass when you decide it’s best if you go. You’re on your feet, slipping back into your outerwear before wrapping an arm across your brother’s shoulders squeezing him as you peck his temple.

“Love you, mean it. I’ll take you out myself at another time.” You say as all your older brother can do is nod his head, briefly resting his hand on top of yours before you let go.

You’re peering at Juan who’s still seated and say, “want to take a walk with me?”

“Sure, whatever you want, yeah!” He sits up before grabbing his beanie and jacket, “I don’t care.”

You quickly begin to walk off before your sas and your mom come back, sending a silent message to your old friend that you’ll be outside.

Your brother tells Juan, “look after my sister, okay?”

“You got it,” Juan says, wishing the older man another birthday wish before making his way out to you.

The both of you are now walking side by side, enjoying the city’s lights and each other’s company.

“Thanks for coming with me. The longer I sat there getting into it with my mom the faster my brain was telling me to get the fuck out. I figured: let's take a stupid walk for our stupid mental health!"

Juan chuckles at this, “I know what you mean. I also had a disagreement with my sister too before I crashed at yours.”

That revealed just a dash about what led to Juan’s mood last night.

“Yeah?” Your eyes peep to the left of you at the beanie-wearing man, “You want to talk about it?”

It wasn’t much different with what went down with you and yours. Except Juan’s mother was the one to break it up and scold him for defending himself against his sister.

She still felt like he didn’t have himself together (despite the fact that he was now working at a mechanic shop and had a side tech gig at an outlet mall—paid under the table now! If you’re talking about his mental then that was a different story!) either and was the main one who told him not to go out to California. She begged him to stay and that began their estrangement.

His sister blamed him for his own unhappiness and if he would have stayed here maybe he wouldn’t have dealt with that darkness charming brought him.

Which hurt to hear.

He walks even closer to you now as he said, “nah, not really if that’s okay?”

“What?” You lightly bumped his shoulder, “Course it is, just know you can when you want to.”

He gives you a lopsided smile, “Thanks.”

You loop an arm around Juan’s waist, resting your head against his shoulder, as you blended into the city together.

Juan’s dreamed of times like these except you were miles apart but hearts still in sync.

The silence between you two lets you know that you’re both holding onto something so heavy but find that it doesn’t weigh as much when you’re both near each other.

By the time you’re making your way back to your side of town, one subway ride later and more miles to walk back to your place—the night feels like any normal routine.

Eventually the both of you fall into chatter and soft smiles as you continue your rest on the subway, head tucked underneath juice’s chin that his facial hair still pricks your thick hair but you don’t mind.

You’re both laughing about old times when you reach your 1975 raised ranch, half standing on the steps and you’re wiping the tears from the corner of your eyes, “you coming in?”

The last thing Juan wanted to do was head back to his ma’s side of town so a dip of his head was all that you needed, sending him a smile and a nudge of your head to welcome him back inside.

“We gotta eat something although you’re really not supposed to eat after seven…”Juan says to you after kicking off his shoes and heading straight from the main entrance pass the living room right to the kitchen.

“I forgot how much of a health freak you are.” You tease, hanging up your coats in the near by closet.

Juan’s mumbling to himself as he moves around the cut off kitchen, “And you need more fruits and veggies in here. What’s the point of having a juicer and having nothing to use it?”

“My common law sister in law? If you believe in that sort of thing! got it for me. It works as decoration,” You argued, “I can just go buy me a fruit or veggie juice.”

“And be wasteful of this beautiful gift?”

“If you want it, I’ll regift it to you for a belated Christmas gift then.” You sass, going to lean in the archway.

Juan shakes his head while he’s eyeing all the ingredients he’s laid out on the counter, “no point in doing that if I’m just going to be over here majority of the time anyway.”

“Oh is that right?”

“I mean…yeah…if you’re comfortable with that.”

You roll your eyes, “I’ll take you for as long as I can have you, Juanie and you know that.”

He casts a smile over his shoulder at you before waving his hand along formally towards the dining room, “have a seat. This won’t be anything extravagant since your selection of food kinda sucks…we’ll talk about that later but I need my work space clear.”

You saluted, “heard chef,” before you walked into the next room over.

Which leaves you to send off a text to your brother letting him know you both made it safe before choosing to browse social media.

The words of your mother did get into your head as you’re sitting here searching up your two exes and you laugh to yourself at how foolish you were being. You haven’t though about either of those two in a long time, not in the same way you thought about Juan nearly every day.

Yet here you were letting your mother get into your head again: about two men that didn’t hold meaning to your life now.

“Bon appetite.” Juan tells you after awhile, placing the plates down on the table and picking the seat right next to you.

“And what do we call this meal?”

“P.O. In 10. Which stands for: party’s over in ten minutes.”

You both stare at each other and let out a laugh, “how clever.”

A struggle meal of: ground turkey on ranch Doritos topped with cheese and left over black olives with a side of strawberry moscato was your dinner for that night and you didn’t dare complain.

Juan’s gone into one of his rapid conversations of one of his old friends, a guy named chibs that he would have loved for you to meet and of course you find it sweet that he still found someone to speak highly of when he’s vaguely told you that all was not well in charming.

“can i see your hand?" You suddenly ask the man who’s grown out his hair and sported facial hair that made him appear older.

Juan’s finishing off the last of his homemade nacho’s, stuffing his face but doesn’t hesistate as he places his smooth veiny but much larger one into yours, “sure, why?"

You’re tracing the lines of his palm and recall the time the both of you went to a palm reader on senior skip day for shits and giggles although Juan seemed to believe every word the lady said.

He said he had a great tía from Puerto Rico that he met once or twice who was very spiritual but different from a palm reader. His mother got pissed off when she brought her work to the house that one time when she was supposed to be looking after him and his sister.

That soon became Juan’s job.

You wondered about how these hands had to scrap their way through just to survive.

Then you explain, “so i can see how well it fits with mine." Before interlacing your right with his and Juan can’t help but to grin at you.

And there’s that boyish smile that spreads to the corners of his eyes that you can’t resist while he speaks with you, “You’re so cute, you’re corny. If you wanted to makeout, all you had to do was just say so.”

You don’t think about it, “alright, maybe I do.”

“What?! Don’t joke like that.” Juan’s eyes are wide now, ready to slip his hand right from yours.

“I’m not.” You lift your shoulders as Juan sits back in the chair with a sigh.

Juan’s staring at you with a curiosity that makes you want to look away but you can’t.

“What if all we needed was to just be honest with ourselves and look at what’s directly in front of us.”

“…I don’t follow.”

“Us, Juan! I always felt like i was waiting for something, even with the others after Stu and Marlon. There was always this pull and maybe that was you…and if this is all in my head just say that. You can tell me.”

Juan rubs at his face in thought. He already knew how he felt about you and how it never went away.

“No…it’s not all in your head. I don’t know if you know this but…you’ve always been it for me and I—learned to be okay with just being your best friend since that’s what you always wanted from me. I thought moving across the country was the answer but that only hurt us more.”

“Part of me felt like you didn’t care who I was with. You just took it for what it was.”

“You’re so wrong,” Juan scoffed out some laughter, “I just wanted you be happy and not be selfish about wishing it was me that got to do everything with you all the time. They took my space.”

You instantly reply, “Never could.”

“No?”

“No, blockhead.” You lightly grip and shake his shoulders.

“Now we’re down to the insults I see.”

You shrug with a smirk, “Let me kiss you…just to see.”

“See what?” Juan felt his heart hammering in his chest now, “That we’re completely in love with each other? A kiss won’t tell me what I don’t already know, babe.”

A scrunch of your nose is present, “Not you sounding like you don’t want to kiss me—

“What—no—

Sighing you got up from the chair and plopped right down in Juan’s lap, wrapping your arms across his shoulders and staring into his eyes that softened as they settled on your close proximity.

“You smell nice,” he awkwardly says, carefully placing his hands right down on your hip.

You laugh as you move your hands to cup his face, lightly caressing your thumbs over his facial hair, looking at his lips and then back to his eyes before you lean forward to place your lips right on his.

His hands tighten around you but his shoulders seem to relax. Juan can’t hold back the moan in the back of his throat that escapes his parted lips but that doesn’t stop him from kissing you back.

There’s tongue in there somewhere in the mix and the hold the both of you have on each other is enough to erase the miles that were once placed between you.

His hooked nose brushes against yours as you pull back, eyes closed and trying to catch your breath. His forehead rests against yours and Juan has to clear his throat and blink several times in hopes of getting rid of the static that sits in the center of his bottom lip.

“Wow,” he exhales with a grin while you’re playing with the strand of curls at the back of his head.

A satisfied smile is on your face, “What was that shit you were talking?”

“I wasn’t talking shit,” Juan frowns, “I was just saying that my heart already knows what it wants without putting my lips on yours. I loved you the moment your mom forced you to be my friend.”

You shake your head with a smile, “that didn’t take much force, Ortiz. I always thought you could be the one.”

“And…you never said anything why? That would have saved us a lot of time!”

You shrug, “I think our love story is meant to start now.”

“Nope it’s been a W.I.P. but now the progress is actually progressing…”

You squint, “With both of us tasting like Doritos and strawberry wine?”

“If it makes sense to mother universe then who am I to argue with her?”

“At least one of us gets it then.” You kiss his cheek and go to move off his lap but he yanks you right back, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Yeah, that maybe love’s always got our back in the end.”

“So…that’s what’s poking me right now?”

Juan feels his face burn, “Sorry—I—couldn’t help it.”

“I could—

“No. Nope. Not yet, let me just hold you and get used to the fact that I get to kiss you from now on. If…we get to labeling each other that is.”

“You want to be mine, Ortiz?”

“Don’t tell me you can’t tell.” He groans pressing his forehead into your shoulder leaving you laughing.

“Only if I get to be yours.”

“Fuck yeah!”

You nuzzle your face against his profile as you hum, “I’ll love you even more for the rest of my life Juan Carlos Ortiz…sounds like a plan?”

And he feels his heart swell at that, knowing that he didn’t have to be alone anymore the longer he had you in his arms.

“Sounds like the best plan, yet. And I love you too, so much.” He gently says into your ear before you turn to him again, capturing his lips once more.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩

February fluff anthology series continues here.

[blorb-el]

Don’t know if you made a post on this but what’s your opinion on DCAU Clark and how unapproachable(?) they made him in the later JL/JLU series without ever resolving it? Like I know the Cadmus arc hinges on him never considering himself a possible threat but it seems there was room for no much introspection outside a couple moments (that were later backtracked).

I've had like 6 half finished posts about this buried deep in the drafts for a year because I have capital B Brain Rot about this, but every time I tried to write it out I got six sentences in and wanted to rewatch the entire DCAU in order to get my facts straight. This time I'm resisting the urge, so forgive me if I forget specific episodes

Also, unfortunately for you, it’s nanowrimo, which means my brain is in Type All The Words Mode, and not Communicate Effectively and Succinctly Mode, and also I need a break from WSBF chapter 8, so. You’re getting a 3.5k essay sort of answering this question but not really. you will see

Thank you to my fellow lawyer for the defense of Rectangle Clark @januariat for helping to put this together

I do rewatch STAS and JL a fair amount, but much less JLU, so I actually don’t have much to say about the specific execution there. I’m planning on rewatching it soon. But for now…

To me it boils down to two answers. The Doylist answer, and what I think the writers really did have in mind, is that they came up with the Cadmus plot, knew it was an absolute banger of a storyline, and decided that it was worth compromising Superman's personality in order to write a good story. which is not something I can fault them for - as a fanfic writer, I make the same calculated tradeoffs every time I set out to write a fic. Characters are tools for narrative, even if these particular characters come with an additional weight of the tradition of collaborative storytelling that their most effective stories honor.

However, I do think it’s possible to, post-hoc, cobble together a Watsonian, narratively satisfying (if fucked up and sad) character arc for DCAU Clark if you also take STAS and JL into account. I think the key to understanding his character arc is his relationship with control. Throughout STAS, JL, and JLU, and then one more time in Batman Beyond for good measure, over and over again, he's manipulated and his powers and body are used as resources for other people. Obviously that’s not much of an excuse for becoming more authoritarian/overbearing/etc, Fascism Is Bad and I personally think a more IC superman would retreat more than double down (as in Kingdom Come), but looking at the totality of things that have happened to him before Cadmus, it's a little more understandable why he'd get close to snapping under the strain. Here's my personal reading of his arc, and the events that might have led to Clark behaving so irrationally in JLU.

cut for sheer length, but also mentions of manipulation, sexual assault, victim blaming, that sort of thing

One of the recurring themes in the DCAU is villains dehumanizing, depowering, and/or manipulating Clark. In STAS, Parasite, Lex via Bizarro, Talia and Ra’s al Ghul use him as a source for their own power. The Preserver and Maxima treat him like some exotic prize, disregarding his wishes. Jax-Ur and Mala use him and then betray him. But the most impactful, by far, is Darkseid.

In Apokolips Now, Darkseid defeats Clark, puts his bleeding body into public stocks, and drags him through the middle of Metropolis. Clark’s only rescued by the last minute intervention of the New Gods, and as a parting shot Darkseid murders Clark’s friend in front of everyone. Even though Clark prevents Earth from turning into Apokolips, it’s a huge emotional loss, and they don’t shy away from showing his rage and helplessness. But it’s when Darkseid returns in Legacy, the finale of STAS, that Clark’s life truly takes a turn for the worse.

Forgive me if this is all plot recap to you, anon, but I feel like a lot of people don’t know that STAS ends with Clark being mind controlled, heavily implied to be sexually assaulted, and forced to try to take over the Earth, killing god knows how many people in the process. When the military finally brings him down with a Kryptonite warhead and imprisons him, they nearly kill Supergirl in the process. Then Lex almost gives him a lethal injection, with a US general looking on, implying that the government approves of killing him. Lois breaks him out, he tries to get help for Kara from Dr. Hamilton, and then goes to Apokolips. Most fights in STAS have him shrug off blows. He ends this one bleeding from his mouth, looking almost dead. When he finally casts down Darkseid, tells the Hunger Dogs (the slaves on Apokolips) that they’re free… they turn away from Superman. They cluster around Darkseid to protect and heal him.

Those universal truths of a lot of Superman stories, that goodness and liberty and the American Way* always win? They don't in STAS. A representative of the US government (as far as he knows) has tried to kill him. He lost his temper and spoke in a harsh tone of voice once, because Kara was dying and he was hurt and desperate, and now his friend Dr. Hamilton, the man he trusted to repair the Kryptonian ship, study his body and his powers, one of the people who knew him best in STAS, is afraid of him - and, as we find out later, takes immediate, drastic, and violating action against Kara and against him. The series ends with the small town man standing on the roof of the Planet, hearing people hate and fear him, wondering how people will ever trust him again.

*I hate this phrase personally when used as a Superman Motto, but it's used here as a contrast to the fascistic imagery of Apokolips Now and Legacy (as well as Brave New World, which, hoo boy, we aren’t even getting into that one).

Six months (iirc) after the STAS finale, in Secret Origins, the US government has agreed to let a visibly older and wearier Superman help disarm the nuclear stockpile - only for this to backfire on him because it was a Plot by the White Martians. Clark’s let down the country again. He’s helped aliens invade again, and to make matters worse, he sped away in the middle of an attack to break into an official government facility to free J'onn. Clark founds the Justice League beginning from a place of personal failure, as a check on himself. Clark has power and wants to help people with it, but he’s been turned against people he cares about, and has twice now failed to protect the world. It’s worth noting that Legacy put him into the world stage; before, in STAS, I can’t think of any true worldwide threats besides maybe Jax-Ur and Mala.

Most of the rest of season 1 of JL isn’t particularly Clark-focused, although he does appear in a lot of episodes, but the themes of some of these episodes are potentially relevant to understanding his character later, so: brief bullet point summaries.

During In Blackest Night, Clark sees his respected colleague turn himself into an authority that turns out to be incompetent investigators looking for a scapegoat. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here. 

During The Enemy Below, on Clark’s advice, Aquaman tries to solve his problems peacefully with diplomacy and is immediately shot in a life threatening assassination attempt.  Peaceful diplomacy doesn't work so well for him.

During Injustice for All, Lex is dying of cancer. Clark tries to reach out and is rebuffed, with Lex going on to try to found a team to kill him and the rest of the League.

During Paradise Lost, Clark sees his respected colleague turn herself into the authorities and immediately get banished from her home for the crime of trying to save it with all the resources she had at her disposal. Interesting. Surrendering to governmental authority/oversight didn’t turn out too well here, again. 

During War World, Clark’s again captured for exploitation. This is essentially a retread of The Main Man from STAS, doubling down on how some people see him as a thing to be exploited.

During Fury, Clark’s completely ineffective at preventing an attempted genocide of half the world’s population.

Season 2 opens with Twilight, one of the most important episodes for understanding Clark’s mindset during the Cadmus arc. Imagine, if you will, the above happening to you. Darkseid shows up at your workplace. And the man you’ve worked with the longest, your friend, your ally, tells you to cry him a river, build him a bridge, and get over it. Tells you to get over being brainwashed, manipulated, and humiliated. Tells you to get over having your broken and bleeding body paraded around the streets of Metropolis, tells you to get over having your friend killed in front of you for trying to defend you, tells you to get over almost getting your cousin killed. Sure, Brainiac is a planetary-scale threat; Darkseid and Apokolips are in real trouble. Clark was wrong to write off Apokolips and its people, and the League should absolutely have intervened in the situation. But the way Bruce went about it was… one of the harshest things DCAU Bruce has ever done, and one of the only times the narrative seems to actually agree that he was an asshole about it. And even then, you really need the context of STAS to understand why Clark is so furious and hurt in this scene.

Clark relents and goes along with Bruce’s plan to trust Darkseid, only to end up betrayed again, the whole ruse just another ploy for Brainiac to gain control of Clark, torture him, and use Clark’s body to upgrade himself. Clark had spared Darkseid back on Apokolips at the end of Legacy, on Kara’s advice. But now Darkseid’s come after him, again. Used him again to put not only Earth but who knows how many other worlds at risk, now that Brainiac’s even more powerful. It’s the downfall of Krypton, over and over again. And when Clark goes to end it, I think he doesn’t care that the base is about to go, as long as Darkseid goes down with it. That isn’t a price Bruce is willing to pay, so he teleports Clark out. And he’s wrong, again. “No one could have survived that.” Well… no, Bruce. Darkseid does, and Clark knows it.

During Tabula Rasa, Lex manipulates Amazo the exact way he tried to use Bizarro. Clark once again fails to guard against a terrible, potentially world-ending threat, and in fact makes the situation worse by his very presence.

Then we come to Only a Dream, another key episode in understanding this version of Superman. Clark’s deepest fear is that his powers will keep on growing beyond his ability to control them, eventually destroying everything around him. In his nightmare He kills Lois and Jimmy, destroys the Daily Planet, and grows into a brutish, hulking, clumsy figure, first crying out for someone to help him, and then losing hope. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He goes back to the Kent farm and curls up in the spaceship in the fetal position, convinced that he’s only going to hurt anyone who tries to help. Is it any wonder, since that’s literally what’s happened to him in Legacy? Is it any wonder that he’d want to give up, to retreat? If we’re to take the World of Cardboard speech literally, he’s already having to focus on this restraint every day, in every interaction. This is my personal explanation/hc as to why in every single fight he lets himself get knocked around a bit first; he’s calibrating how hard he can hit back without doing irrevocable damage. Anyway. Deeply fucked up 2 minutes of horror. Wish they’d explored this a little bit more in later seasons.

Then, directly after this, it’s A Better World. After we’ve just seen that his worst nightmare is hurting people by being unable to control his powers, we come face to face with a world where he’s hurt people by the precise and controlled application of his powers. Justice Lord Clark uses the same Superman Robots we saw Kara use in Legacy. He’s become quite adept at his lobotomization techniques. Later on in JLU, we see ‘our’ universe’s Clark attempt to lobotomize Doomsday the exact same way Justice Lord Superman did. Again, Clark fails to protect the world from himself, and to make matters worse, the guy to save the day is Lex Luthor. I’d be a little miffed if the maniac who wants to kill me so so bad turned out to be instrumental in saving the world and now I owe him some unspecified favor in the future. Clark’s met with failure and distrust trying to fix things his way, now he tries to do things in an uncharacteristically sneaky way and… gets met with more dislike and distrust.

Eclipsed continues this trend of hurting his friends; he’s temporarily mind controlled and hurts Wally.

In The Terror Beyond, he fucks up and puts the world in danger again, all because from his point of view, he tried to prevent Solomon Grundy being manipulated and used (like he himself has been used over and over again).

In Secret Society, his frustration comes to a peak, amplified by Grodd’s telepathic manipulation. He’s been trying to do his best, but he snaps that he’s had better luck fighting armies alone (dubious plural there, but he did pretty much evaporate an army in Legacy, so at least once, ok) and that he’s had to hold back his abilities in order to be on the League. Again if we take the World of Cardboard speech at face value, this is true, and we see it in the episode when he accidentally hurts Shayera with heat vision despite shouting a warning beforehand. It’s also telling how other members of the League have the ability to constantly voice doubts about its usefulness and cohesiveness as an organization (hi Bruce) but when he expresses the same doubts everyone gasps. When he expresses his doubt and frustration, when he steps away, the organization that’s collectively saved the world several times falls apart; they’re reliant on him, and he has to be aware of the entire existence of the League as an extra burden of responsibility.

Since both this episode and the Cadmus arc as a whole are meant to show his flaws as a leader, it’s worth examining the foundations of that leadership as established in the DCAU. Clark’s the leader of the League, but narratively, Bruce is its brains and its ethics and Wally is its heart. As a result, Clark is filling the role of leader of the League without the narrative scaffolding that gives him the respect comics incarnations of the character are generally accorded. (I’m admittedly only drawing here from the JLA runs I’ve personally read, Morrison/Porter 90’s JLA and the early Fox/Sekowsky 60’s JLA). Superman might not technically be the First Superhero according to these continuities, but he is respected as though he is (and as we comic book nerds know him to be). The League in these comics treat him as something of an ethical standard bearer, a primus inter pares, as well as being the muscle. In the DCAU, Batman, having founded the DCAU with BTAS, is the First Superhero, and the entire plotline of the Justice Lords centers Wally as the emotional anchor of the team. Clark doesn’t have that pre-established stature. What really qualifies him to be the leader, besides the fact that Bruce doesn’t want to do it? His position seems precarious, relying more on Superman’s pre-established reputation than his actual onscreen characterization. Centering Bruce and Wally are legitimate creative choices I don’t even necessarily disagree with, but it means Clark-as-leader functions quite differently than more traditional JL structures.

Hereafter is something of a healing point for him. It’s a little fucked up that Superman almost bashes Vandal Savage’s head in with a rock, but you take what you can get at this point. He comes out of it fine, but everyone else is forced to reckon with what he means to them. Hereafter coming directly after Secret Society is a very good reunification for the League. Shame about what’s gonna happen in three episodes.

In Wild Cards, he’s useful to address the immediate threat but ineffective to stop the real, countrywide (worldwide?) threat. (I should note that of course I don’t expect every episode’s threat to be solved by Clark; I’m just pointing out a trend that I think his character would perceive as failures on his part. If the writers ever let him reflect.)

JL ends as it began, with another massive alien invasion that Clark helped facilitate in Starcrossed, by working with the Thanagarians during the first part of their plan. As a fellow exile, a fellow alien, he’s hurt and angry with Shayera’s betrayal… even though, in the end, in probably one of his best moments, he votes to allow her to stay in the League.

(Sidenote: almost every interaction Clark has had with other aliens have been despotic societies or individuals: Jax-Ur and Mala, Apokolips, Maxima’s planet, War World, and now Thanagar. The Guardians built robotic police/foot soldiers to enforce their will. Even New Genesis is ruled by a benevolent dictator. Martian society is nearly extinct, overrun by… more alien despots, surviving only with J'onn. Argoan society is nearly extinct, surviving only with Kara. At least Lobo isn’t a fascist? Small consolation.)

JLU begins after a short time skip. I’m not as familiar with JLU episodes since it’s been a while since I’ve watched them, so I’m not going to attempt an episode-by-episode breakdown. Also this post is already way too long. But the point of this post is to look at Clark’s overall arc until this point, and see how it informs his decisions in JLU. For a more JLU-specific informed point of view check this post by januariat!

What we have is a man who naturally wants to take responsibility on his own shoulders, a doer and a fixer who wants to get into the ring and solve problems, who wants to use his abilities to help, being confronted over and over again with a string of personal failures, manipulation, and betrayal. When he tries to set a boundary about not being willing to help the man who took over his body and forced him against his home in Twilight, he’s told to get over it by his most trusted ally. When his deepest fears are revealed in Only a Dream, we see them having been already realized in Legacy. And when he’s presented with his dream of a peaceful life farming, a family that loves him, and no responsibility to save the world, it’s ripped away from him in For The Man Who Has Everything.

Ultimately, I don’t have a good answer for exactly how he doubles down in JLU S2, because I need to rewatch all of it with this understanding of the character. But I think you can see the shape of a traditional Superman character in there, trying and trying again and again to do the right thing, putting himself on the line - only instead of learning from his experiences and letting them inform his actions, he’s carrying the weight of years of suppressed trauma while trying to hold up the entire Justice League. This long, long run of failure, manipulation, betrayal, and distrust adds up. And there’s only so much weight one person can hold on their shoulders, even if they are a Superman.

(And then as the nice little capstone to his story, in Batman Beyond's The Call, he’s kept under alien mind control for years! With the way Starro clings to his chest, he probably hasn’t been touched in years! Trapped in his own mind, forced to watch as yet another alien species uses him as a tool to hurt his own teammates and invade the Earth! And that’s the last we see of DCAU Clark! What a fun little ending to his character arc that doesn’t make me go insane whenever I think about it. Very very very normal about this.)

[loathed-to-be-her-hound]

Finished episode 66 of my rewatch. Here are some thoughts thus far

There is WAY too much happening at once. There should have been more time elapsed between aphmau meeting Dante and meeting Malachi. Up until now I’m mostly been able to identify each arc in the series as their own individual event with general character building inbetween.

Garroth, Laurance, Dante, Malachi arc should have happened after the whole wolf war thing was solved. Again, too much at once. An arc of Dante and aphmau working together for the first time and learning about each other would be spectacular.

The entire Dante aphmau kiss Malachi house scene thing was horrendous. Like- abhorrent. Very bad. Holy shit. It turns garroth and Laurance who are both dynamic characters who both care for aphmau deeply due to her influence in their lives and care when they felt at their lowest are reduced to ‘love aphmau jealous guys’. There’s ways to go about the jealousy plots without sacrificing characterization. (Example. Laurance and Aphmau laughing about garroth being jealous over the fiancé thing. Fun character moment that implies garroths feelings for her without sacrificing other valuable traits.)

If I was to write that scene i would have garroth and Laurance be separated and have a sort of sasha scenes in the nether type style. Garroths would be related to O’khasis and his arranged marriage and Laurance to his experience slowly losing his humanity. Really, they’re both individuals who have desires and fears outside of aphmau. Aphmau is important to them because she accepts their flaws as apart of them and loves them unconditionally. Without character depth, all the ‘mau relationships do not matter. Love is built off experience. They don’t love her because she’s pretty. They love her because she is a complex being that has shown she loves those around her and is willing to accept flaws in others and herself.

Aarons arrival was mid. He deserves a cool wolf man winter trudging scene where he finds aphmau clearly hurt and cold and takes her to a cave and treats her with medicinal herbs and demonstrates that like aph, he has this urge to help people even if it may hurt him.

I love Nicole. Wholeheartedly. She is so fucking silly. She just bursts out of the ground and helps aphmau.

Aphmaus disguise SUCKS- it’s not a disguise and it would bring attention to her. I drew a new one. I will post it tomorrow.

Dante is so much cooler than I remember. It’s a shame Garrance came along and ruined the vibes with the whole… Malachi thing. Ugh.

I love Malachi he’s so sweet.

The Nicole arc should’ve lasted a bit longer.

That’s all for now.

[cloudninetonine]

Linktober: Nostalgia

You remembered being introduced to the Legend of Zelda franchise at a young age, your mother was a very active gamer in her youth after all and you remembered all the stories she would share with you- she even remembered when the first game had been released! Hours spent on her console as a teen, she grew up on the game and eventually passed them on to you once you showed interest, sharing hours of fun to experience it with her.

So, it wasn’t a surprise when you had been going through old collections in closest, looking for something to do when you had stumbled across a familiar-looking DVD, looking over the case with confusion until your mama had come to answer your questions.

“Well, I was a little too old when it came out to really enjoy it.” She explained, turning over the Legend of Zelda animated series case “Your nanny got it for me, but I didn’t really bother to watch it so I just decided to keep it for when I had you- do you remember watching it? You don’t? But you used to love it when you were five!”

You tried to argue that children loved any sort of cartoon at such an age but she was adamant, urging you to rewatch it to prove it.

And well, while a lot of inaccuracies and overall cringe of the whole thing made you- well, cringe you couldn’t deny the wave of nostalgia that washed over you, chucking along to some of the scenes and overall enjoying it- it was a connection with your mother and you cherished things like that with your body and soul.

“Saved you again, Sunshine! Kiss me!”

Even now, with Courage ever so persistent and brash, the feeling still stayed true, blooming a warm fuzzy layer of happiness in your stomach. Meeting him was like meeting the physical manifestation of sentimentality, such a great feeling that left you high on life. You thought of better times, you thought about your mother, your friends- everyone in the past.

Completely ignoring the hero in front of you. “Hey, pay attention, I’m talking here!”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, Link, was thinking about stuff.”

His scowl was way more handsome in person compared to his animated self. “Well excuseeee me-”

There he went again, invoking the feeling that made you feel fuzzy, your smile a little sad as you wandered back to the people you most cared about, only being pulled back by his whine and face against your shoulder. 

“Come on, one kiss?”

Courage only relaxed when your hand came to gently run through his hair, massaging his head and making him sigh in relaxation. “Damn, you sure whine a lot, Link.”

“Hey!” He cried, head shooting right back up to glare. “I don’t whine-”

You held his face gently when you kissed him, not stronger than a peck but most certainly longer than one, the arms he had wrapped around your waist tightening as he indulged in the moment with excitement, pressing back a little harder when he realised what was happening and chasing after you when you pulled away, placing your hand over his mouth to stop him from reconnecting your lips.

“Later.” The reassurance made him perk up, his eyes shining in the light of the dungeon and you could feel how hard his heart beat in his chest, probably similar to your own. “We need to get out first.”

You had speedran dungeons but it would never compare to the haste Courage had made to escape and receive his prize.

[loverspearl]

the new Percy Jackson and the Olympians show doesn’t feel like a Percy Jackson book but a Heroes of Olympus book.

This train of thought began when I noticed most of the people who liked the show were people who were up to date with the heroes of Olympus (and really liked it) while most people who started disliking the show after episode 3 were fans who love the older books.

throughout the show so much character of the Heroes of Olympus series gets sprinkled in, splitting up every episode, knowing about the mythical creatures before fighting them all that type of stuff. It’s like Percy Jackson and the lightning thief repackaged, and it makes sense Rick has been writing the hero’s of Olympus series for 14 years now.

There are so many hero’s of Olympus Easter eggs sprinkled for example the golden chair, and the complaints of the show not feeling as magical is a common complaint the hero’s of olympus book series has too, Rick now has to urge to plant everything more in reality and feeling the need to explain how stuff works instead of making them just work.

this isn’t necessarily a criticism more something I noticed, I love the new Percy Jackson show (all the criticism is mostly valid) but it truly does feel at points that I was watching the 7 and not the 3.

I also think after writing about camp Jupiter, Rick realized how underprepared camp half blood left their campers, especially if you look at camp Jupiter’s the new recruits Hazel and Frank compared to baby Percy Annabeth and Grover.(who in their defense were both 12 and 24 respectively)

it’s funny maybe Rick did this in the fear that there was no way the hero’s of Olympus book/or even Percy Jackson would get a new/a season- it’s so very interesting. Or he just forgot the mindset he was in when he wrote the original Percy Jackson books which could have happened too.

I’ve rewatched the show atleast 50 times at this point but maybe I should rewatch it again to make a list of things that also happen in the hero’s of olympus books.

[twinkboimler]

9 people to get to know better

I was thinking about not doing this, but then I got tagged by @spongynova, @chaosdragonhoard, AND @appleofmyonlyeye, so! Clearly y'all want me to fill this out 😂

3 ships you like: mckirk, spones, spirk (and let's just throw in mcspirk too so they don't feel left out)

Honorable mention: thinking a lot about Butcher/Hughie (and Butcher/Hughie/Starlight) again

First ship ever: spike/buffy gave me brainworms when I was 11

Last song: BANGER!!!!!!!!!!!

Favorite childhood book: Curious to know who else read this one

Currently reading: The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson, The Crucible by Arthur Miller, Vulcan! by Kathleen Sky, and a music theory workbook to reteach myself the shit I forgot from band. And a whole bunch of trek fic still.

Currently watching: Dungeon Meshi, season 4 of Enterprise, season 2 of DS9, season 3 of TOS, Taskmaster, just finished season 1 of Survivor (which I only watched because I rewatched Dropout's Survivor-inspired Game Changer episodes and felt the urge to watch the actual series for the first time).

Currently consuming: Nothing, but I think I'll get up and make myself some Paris-blend tea in a second

Currently craving: Sour skittles and a grape soda

Tagging: @ladywaffles, @kyberghoul, @antspaul, @agentdarcylewis, @existentialcrisistime, @borbtrek, @eddiesfavoritelobster, @peanuthamper and @frogayyyy

[obscurecurse]

Not Waving But Drowning (Ep 13)

ok sorry i got distracted by those other details from the ep. but i am once again asking for the KPTS scholars to dissect a kim look and it's this one right here:

(full disclosure the series of gifs for this post is titled like, "ohgodohfuck1, ohgodohfuck2, etc." i have been crying in public all week. and i accidentally dissected this scene in Reverse Chronological order, which is kind of interesting... does someone want to watch KPTS backwards with me? lord knows we've watched it forward enough times.)

i'm going to Posit™ some shit, but i did in fact ask for Your Interpretation...

this scene comes to the audience as a flashback, while kim is feeling emo about chay, looking at the polaroids in his apartment. and because it's got that flashback cinema feel, it almost reads to me like a glimmer of kim's mind, a bit of unreliable narrator? it's as if all of his memories of chay are compressed into a single moment, and its one that he feels he fumbled spectacularly. it's the epitome of their dilemma.

i didn't do a full rewatch for this (lol) but as far as i can tell, there's no other scenes where they're wearing these outfits, which makes it a little hard to place within the timeline. obviously this is before chay finds kim out, before chay is kidnapped, and probably before chay confesses? i reason that it's after kim has realized that chay is just a fan, though. the emotions behind the lyrics of chay's song seem to register as lyrics for Kim.

i think of kim, in general, as fairly composed. usually. he's an idol, well-mannered, and leans heavily on a poker face he's spent his entire life perfecting. (he obviously flips once he hits some threshold, which we see a few times. and then there's the moments where he literally has to turn it off, superseded by survival instincts.)

it's so interesting to me that he walks away here. he walks away when chay confronts him outside of his apartment, too. it's like, he doesn't trust himself, so he removes himself? or it's just muscle memory at this point? (he seems to flee quite a bit. he left home. he disappears himself after he pulls chay from the warehouse. its implied he's been avoiding chay. khun even seems to have a sense of humor about how aloof kim is when they meet in passing. kim continues to strengthen the muscle each time he walks away. walking away does not change things, but clearly he's getting something out of it. or it worked for him once and now it's just a character flaw. anyway)

he didn't even know he was playing with fire but now it burns. kim can't focus while chay looks directly into his eyes and sings to him. he can't sit still:

his jacket (HIS BLUE JACKET) is stained with black brushstrokes.

and perhaps my favorite thing about this scene is the envelope it comes in: we see chay how kim sees him now -> framed by the window of the sound engineer's booth, singing only for kim

my questions: why do you think he walks away here? what is behind that look? is it guilt? (because he knows how this will all later look to chay, and he understands now that chay had approached him honestly) is he barely containing the urge to return the apparent confession in chay's song? is he conflicted, torn by the firm belief that he's wrong for chay? is he considering letting the cat out of the bag, about being a theerapanyakul? is there something specific that kim does not want chay to see or glean from the look on his face? maybe a mix of some of these?

the other point of interest, for me, though not directly related to my query, is the look on chay's face. it's something like rejection or at the very least disappointed surprise? at face value, playing a song for someone you look up to is a very vulnerable act. this is not the reaction he was hoping for or anticipating. but it makes me wonder, also, if chay knows(/suspects) more than we all give him credit for? somewhere deep down he must know how unlikely it is that his idol would engage him, a fan, in this way? i'm not saying he's onto kim, but maybe he's aware something is off about this situation? or, i guess, another possibility is that he's just worried about kim?

[jenyifer]

Did Boston change his appearance for Nick first?

Gave in to the urge and started rewatching every BostonNick scene again. Shocking I know. Boston really claimed ep 11 that Nick must have been attracted to Boston immediately delusionally. However I have… slightly unhinged evidence that Boston was projecting onto Nick because. He wanted Nick just as badly.

Yesterday before sleep I asked the void Where the fuck was Bostons clothes for the Bar scene. It’s December even if it’s not that cold outside protect your tits and lower arms jeez. I have the answer from episode one. Boston does have long sleeved clothing. In fact he wore a black sweater to meet Nick for the first time.

The start of the series I assume is at the start of Boston’s 4th year in September because the hostel is going to be a final project. September is still pretty hot… so seems to be a fashion choice. But why do we see him abandon long sleeves from this point forward. It’s probably styling or…… Boston definitely saw the way Nick watched his arm while he wrote Mew’s name and number on the form. It’s when Boston starts flirting high key with Nick.

Nick is whipped for Boston’s arms just like all of us are. Is the reason Boston doesn’t wear sleeves because Nick obviously likes Bostons arms?

Boston knows how weak Nick is for them and does the switch on purpose because Boston wants Nick to be as drawn to him as much as he feels drawn to Nick.

He wore this in December to hopefully sleep with Nick again. (Then again avg temp would be 25C or 75F I think so.. not chilly but still most people in bar have long sleeves) It’s what Nick likes and Boston wants to be the only one who brings Nick home with him. Episode 2 Nick wasn’t crazy Boston did like him a whole hell of a lot.

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

high as hell crying over ray hours. like the bar in his house… it’s where he shares his first drimk with sand and in that scene his mothers picture? is hanging over his head. then later in the same episode we see this room in the flashback because it’s the same room he finds her body in. he inherits her liquor cabinet he inherits her alcoholism. next time we see it it’s when he s made the decision for himself to get sober. and the photo of his mom isn’t framing him…. like… ray and his cycle and breaking the cycle but also can it be broken? does he just have to keep going within the confines of it hoping he lasts longer? does he even know about it? i think he does, i think his “if it wasn’t for you i’d be with my mom by now” is such an overlooked line. i wish i had more knowledge on how ray views his mothers addiction. like the difference between him seeing himself in someone who died young and resented him vs someone he saw to be an alcoholic and is able recognize himself in that but refuses to accept it. just, i need to pry this man’s brain open and live there just for a few months. i need the answers to the universe in the form of every thought and feeling he’s ever had. i don’t remember what i was talking about… rewatching the series again and i just love him so much. i don’t fuck with other people like that but for him i need to dive into every urge and every behavior every memory and feeling he’s just everything your honor

[evilwickedme]

Honestly I don't want to make any analysis of across the spider verse bc not in a long time have I felt so keenly that a movie is part 1 of a story. Only Gwen's arc is completed, and the main themes I'm interested in - Miles getting to tell his own story, e.g. - are just not explored fully without getting the answers we need.

ITSV was a movie where Miles got to accept that he can be a hero, that he can fill the shoes of Spider-Man. The constant idea that we already know the story is brought up again and again - "you know the rest" "let's do this one more time". On the one hand it's meta commentary on the fact that in 2018 we'd seen 3 live action spider men not to mention a dozen animated tv series and countless comics. On the other hand, it's urging us to listen, listen, we think we know the story, but no we don't. Because every spider person's story in the movie is different - and ultimately, Miles' story is wholly his own.

ASTV needs to build on those themes, and it does! But the way it does it is it challenges the idea of Spider-Man in the first place. Why does the story have to go a certain way? Miles doesn't need to fill in Peter Parker's costume, he's designing his own! And a lot of how these themes are explored is still up in the air!! We straight up don't have the answers to the questions I have - what makes a Canon Event? How did Spider-42 end up in 1610, how did Earth-42 survive the lack of Spider-Man, is it Miles who made it so Peter B could break the pattern of misery or could anyone have done it if they were brave enough?

The only character who gets a full fledged story arc in ASTV is Gwen, because her story doesn't, frankly, touch on these themes. Like, we could argue that her father quitting the force might mean she doesn't have a police captain she's close to and that's a canon event or whatever, but the rest is entirely unrelated (a full post on Gwen's themes is coming separately because I got an ask, I just wanna rewatch the movie before I answer it).

Since Spider-Verse as a whole is Miles' story, and since these are Miles' themes and questions, until his character arc completes and we get some practical answers I just don't think I can sit and say, this means this, even just to me. I'm far better at analyzing whole stories, where one exists. At least that's how I feel. Because whether Miguel is lying, or wrong, or not doing either but still Miles is about to change the system, anything that happens in BTSV - it's all going to determine how I'm going to feel about what we're presented with in this film.

It's so intrinsically a part 1, it feels like I read the first half of a book and was told to write a book report. I can half ass it, but I'm going to be missing important context.

[daisychainsandbowties]

i was tagged by @gohandinhand and @thelastwarriornun. ty guys it’s so so brave to tag people 🥺🫡

favourite colour: i love yellow and i mean pikachu yellow mostly because that little guy was my everything growing up. i remember i had a pika plush and my parents still talk about “the tail incident” when his tail fell off and they had to sew it back on in front of me while i cried. i still have him but he’s kind of gross (affectionate)

currently reading: the poetics of space by gaston bachelard as my academic book of the week (it’s making me insane). then for casual reading i’m slurping down Promise of Blood (caspercore i know) by brian mcclellan and also Network Effect by Martha Wells.

last song: little bird by the weepies (wolfwren song of all time, to me)

last series: star wars rebels season 2 (and no i definitely wasn’t absolutely 😭 at the end of it. i’m too brave and strong for that)

last movie: i rewatched alien again recently. i’m not good at movies they’re chores to me. i prefer longform stories (as much as i respect the crafting of one-breath narratives 🫡)

sweet/savoury/spicy: i should say spicy but actually i love sweet things. mostly those sugar-coated marshmallows you get in Aldi but also the sweet you get from monster drinks. that mind-numbingly artificial taste does it for me 😌 i love hot sauces though but usually ones like sriracha that are mostly just sweet anyway. savoury food isn’t my ballpark i hate crisps and and chips and my ancestors are horrified at my indifference to all potatos. most savoury food i have to make sweet or spicy before i care about it. sad sad sad

currently working on: chapter 3 of my wolfwren fic. i know i posted chapter 2 yesterday but i have 5k of the next chapter written already.m 🫠🫠 on account of getting to stay awake forever and ever.

also my wn star wars au!! need to get my brain back into it but it’s the mental equivalent of rolling around in lava (enrichingly) and also feeling the urge to start on the pjo au again. and chess au. aaaand i have too many things i’m working on.

tagging @gowalkyourself @blueskies-keepraining @goldrushgold @brat-the-wurst and @knightsofrayx no pressure and i know this has been bouncing around for a few days so maybe you already did it 🥰

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Season 2 Rewatch Drabbles--2x17 Welcome to Storybrooke (Bonus)

Summary:  A series of 100-500 word drabbles to accompany my    rewatch of season 2 of Once Upon a Time as an attempt to finally jump    start the muse again.  There will be a drabble–either a deleted scene, a    “fix it” fic or a character musing for each episode of the season.     Focus will be on Emma, Henry, the Charmings and Killian–with an    emphasis on the very beginnings of Captain Swan’s epic love story, as    soon as a certain dashing pirate makes his appearance.  

Word Count: 439

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Other Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21-22) (22)

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Note: I had two ideas for this week’s rewatch drabble and I couldn’t decide which one I wanted to go with, so surprise! You get a bonus chapter this week!  As I watched this week’s episode, I couldn’t shake the thought that Graham deserved better.  So much better.  He didn’t fully realize it until Emma showed up, but I can’t help but believe he had moments even before when he sensed that something just wasn’t quite right.

He’d dreamt of the wolf again.

The dream was incomplete, no more than a jumble of images, a feeling of freedom, but the wolf was always there, his guide and companion.

It was such an odd dream.  As the sheriff of a small town in Maine, he’d seen the woods, of course, but he’d never seen a wolf, and certainly not one with a bright red eye like the one in his dream.

Graham knew in his head that he had a good life.  He had a satisfying job, a girlfriend, a sleepy little town full of residents he liked.

But every now and again, he couldn’t shake the sense that he wasn’t truly happy.  Something was wrong, and he didn’t know what.  It was like that nagging feeling when you know there’s something you should remember–something important–just at the tip of your tongue, but you just can’t access it.

Yesterday had been one such day.

He’d been going about his normal routine, reading the paper as he sipped his morning tea, when he’d had the strongest urge to go to find the newcomer–Kurt Flynn–and detain him for drunk driving.

He’d tracked the man to Regina’s office and had just started to take the ranting and raving man into custody when suddenly the man shoved something off of Regina’s desk and Graham had felt a sudden, intense pain in his chest, a pain so strong it dropped him to his knees.

For a moment, for just one single moment, he’d been confused, suddenly wondering what he was doing.  This man wasn’t drunk driving; he wasn’t even driving.  Why was he so compelled to arrest him for a crime he obviously wasn’t committing?  He didn’t want to do this; it wasn’t his choice.  How many other times had he been compelled to do things that he didn’t truly want to do?  Why was this happening?  Was he losing his mind?

But then Regina had retrieved the small wooden box and returned to it some sort of red, glowing object that Graham hadn’t gotten a full glimpse of, and his mind cleared once again.

He had a job to do.  He had to detain Kurt Flynn for drunk driving and keep his son Owen from leaving, no matter what it took.

He got to his feet and gave chase.

Now, this morning, he puzzled over the entire affair for another moment as he laid upon his bed trying to fully wake. 

But then his mind went once again blank.  He suddenly somehow knew that Regina wanted him to make a stop at her house before work.  He best get to it.

                                                                                    NEXT CHAPTER-->

[weeb-cheese]

idk if I've ever spoken about it super publically, but it's so interesting to me how much my relationship with black butler has changed over the years. Went from loving to hating and back to loving but in a different way (long musing under the cut)

When I first watched the anime back in 2010, it was just a fun little thing that was part of this cool new medium. Anime and manga in general has been a special interest of mine since I was 12/13, and Black Butler was one of the firsts that I watched. It was a drop in the bigger interest of anime. I didn't think much about it after I watched it. I had friends that watched it, and we'd talk about it sometimes, but we mostly talked about Ouran. I'd listen to the music, see memes on facebook, and occasionally would stumble across things like the 2010 musical on youtube. But it was more of a "oh cool" than the intense interest it turned into.

But in 2014, I decided it was finally time I read the manga. I don't remember what caused me to finally make that jump. I'd known for a year or two at that point that the manga was a thing and different from the anime. But I guess the time was just right during the summer of 2014. I binged the manga, started obsessing over the series with a close friend at the time, and the series quickly became my entire personality. I even started getting clothes and styling myself in ways that was reminiscent of Ciel and the style of the series. I started watching cosplayers on youtube, started obsessing over the 2010 musical and later finding out about the other musicals that were out at the time. Started cosplaying myself as a way to connect further with black butler. It stared an ERA that lasted until 2017 where I joined a legit cult around the series (long story iykyk)

But after some negative experiences, I started to feel like I wasn't allowed to enjoy the series anymore. I had a lot of complicated feelings around it, and even stopped reading the manga for an entire year. Black Butler sat in this weird space of being something that had once meant so much to me, being something that was my entire life for YEARS, but then quickly turning to something taboo and shameful. Something that I grew to resent. During that time I still cosplayed and made stuff about the series, partially because I couldn't let it go, but also because I liked the attention that came with it online, it was the only thing people seemed to respond to for a while.

It wasn't until 2022 that I started to read the manga again. It wasn't until I decided to start making black butler video essays that I started to feel comfortable in the joy this series brings again. Something that I spent years resenting, feeling like I couldn't enjoy anymore, was becoming a big interest again. But it felt less like a an interest and more like I was rekindling and old friendship. Reminiscing on all the past, reconciling my negative feelings. It's been really healing. I found myself last night rereading the manga really enjoying it, and feeling such a strong urge to rewatch the musicals. It's kind of wild how much my love for this series has rekindled.