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my-darling-boy · 4 years ago

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Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!”, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can’t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don��t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

#like this isn’t even half of what I want to say #but I’m gonna stop cos this is So Long #no clowns in my inbox pls #long post #ableism #autism #actually autistic #ok to rb

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toitown · 3 years ago

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Thoughts on the Haunt Couture Dolls…

So, I’m gonna preface this with noting that I’ve been with Monster High for 12 years now. I got my first one ever when I was 7 back in 2010, she was the og Frankie Stein and to see her be the first one of the reboot to drop feels almost symbolic for me. I wanted Frankie to be the first new MH doll I buy since she was my first so long ago. I am a very sentimental person, and Monster High means a lot to me. I don’t think I’d be who I am today without these dolls. Please keep that in mind during this little mini-rant. With that being said, I’m putting my thoughts into a numbered list for simplicity’s sake:

I genuinely like the doll designs, I’m not falling head over heals for any of them, but I like them. There’s lots of cool details that went into their outfits that I think captures the spirit of the original outfits.

Even though I like them, I’m not sure if I $75+ like them. I’m extremely lucky to be in a place where I’m able to buy any of them on this short of a notice. But regardless, that’s a high price, even for a Mattel Creations doll. I’m also looking into buying some other things right now. So I might just save up for the release of the all-ages dolls. I’ll probably be mulling this over for the rest of the night.

I don’t know if I quite vibe with this new Frankie Stein. Don’t get me wrong, I think she looks great. But sometimes it can be be hard to tell how much you vibe with a doll that you’re on the fence about until you see them in person. It’s something about her eyes. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Something about them just seems so…not Frankie (in my personal opinion). I know that I’m obviously biased towards the original Frankie, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way her eyes are designed in the slightest, but if I’m spending $75+ on a doll, I want to really love her. And I just don’t know if I do with this doll.

I really wish this was an in store release. Even if they were still at their current price point, at least if they were an in store release I could go and see them in person and decide if I vibed. I know that Mattel wants to build up intrigue and hype, but they could’ve absolutely done that while still giving the fans a heads up about the dolls’ price, release date, and where to find them.

I’ve seen some images floating around of the dolls in box and…just wow. I don’t know the source of the images. It’s either that these images are leaked prototype images of what the dolls look like in box or it’s a really bad case false advertising. That’s what’s so hard with these limited edition online only releases. It’s hard to tell what you’re truly getting. Most limited edition items (be it a doll or a pack of Oreos or what not) are specifically designed to convince people to impulse buy, it plays on that fear of missing out- of not getting this amazing one time thing. I think that’s why these dolls are limited to the extent that they are, even though Mattel probably could sell them for the same price as an Extra Barbie or at least another Skullector doll. The marketers know that people want these dolls, and are willing to pay high prices because they love the brand and characters. Mix those things together and you can make a lot of profit as a company. I think a lot of people have stood by this franchise for 12 years because of the art and how important Monster High is for them as people. I know that’s the case for me. They’re immensely important to me, and it’s why despite not loving the dolls that I’m thinking of buying on anyways. I think it’s really important to remember that while there are a lot of amazing artists making up the backbone of MH, MH is a brand of a juggernaut company who’s ultimate goal is to make as much profit as possible. Which absolutely sucks when artists have to compromise their art for company standards and consumers have to settle for lesser products or ridiculously high prices. But that’s life, things suck sometimes and you just have to deal with it. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

All in all, this whole thing is very murky and uncertain for me. I don’t know what I’m doing or quite how to feel and it’s making me waaay more anxious than it has any right to.

That’s about it! Sorry for this weird rant-thing, but I really needed to say it or it was gonna eat me alive. Plus I’ve basically avoided talking about the reboot up until this point, and now that it’s here I feel obligated to throw my 2 cents into the pile. Thank you all for listening to me ramble about a doll! It means a lot that there’s a community who understands. :)

#aren’t fandoms supposed to be fun?#this is causing me too much stress #mh #monster high #m1n3 #monster high 2022 #monster high reboot

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antiloreolympus · 3 years ago

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8 Anti LO Asks

1. the thing is like even the poets we draw from get critiqued too. a lot of people thought hesiod was an evangelist with an agenda to push, homer (if they existed) was often lampooned for contradicting lines and spending too much time making lists than developing the story, aeschylus and euripides were both seen as biased and cynical and were often mocked, along with many more, and yet LO fans think their kiwi tumblr fave is somehow above all of them and shouldn't be critiqued? Get over yourselves

2. the problem with the 'make your own story" argument is that, assuming you try to retell hxp at least, youll have LO fans attacking you for "stealing" from rachel, who in turn never promotes or supports other retellings unless it adheres to her worldview (such as OSP). say what you will on punderworld or ficlets, but they always prop up lesser known creators with their platforms, meanwhile rachel when tasked with helping others (like Lets Play) she made it about herself. that speaks volumes.

3. a lot of LO fans think antis are just randomly haters but that's not true. Most of us were once devoted fans who couldn't ignore all the issues anymore and who still remember when it had promise and effort put into it, not the rushed husk it is now. It isnt just blindly hating it, it's being annoyed & disappointed of what could have been and how much the comic has declined and how the fans refuse to acknowledge its faults. How would we know how badly its gone down if we weren't fans once?

4. idk man i wouldnt tell people who dislike lo to make their own comics because those end up being way better. reylos did the same thing to disney over how badly they hated the last star wars movie and now their fanfics are becoming NYT bestsellers. just saying.

5. Maybe I'm dating myself here but one of the funniest parts of fandom used to be the most devoted fans calling out the bad stuff in what we liked and discussing it, because it was fan to pick it apart and clown on it. IDK why now LO fans and people like them are so convinced they can only mindlessly praise with no dissent and all critique is invalid. It's basic critical thinking skills that one can like something and still acknowledge the flaws. It's a bad look to admit you can't do so IMHO.

6. lo fans really need to get off this high horse that lo is perfect and therefore can never be criticized. even the best pieces of work ever have actual things to critique within them, and lo is not somehow better than all of them to not be critiqued as well. its an ever growing list of issues lo keeps adding up because of who is behind. sorry, rachel, if you want sole credit for the writing and art, you have to own all the critiques too, and the fans needs to accept it.

7. sorry, LO fans, but we are allowed to critique a work that gets so much privleges that even other webtoon creators dont get (seriously, the majority stull have to live off commission work while working on a full time comic) meanwhile rachel gets away with bad writing, cliffhangers that aren’t resolved for years, worsening art, and her bad and entitled attitude all while the company constantly promotes her while the majority of their catalog doesn’t, she has a full team rushing work for her while she at best does sketches and the occasional banner art, and gets her a bunch of media deals that the rest won’t ever get even a scrap of, all while already being a well off, privileged white woman who cries to her thousands of fans when her ego is bruised because more and more people are noticing her shitty politics and morals put into her work and are rightfully calling it out. at the very least you’d think someone in such a high rank at one of the worlds biggest media houses would actually put in the effort to make the best product she can and respect the people and culture she’s making bank off of, but she’s not and frankly does not seem like she ever will. She quite literally said it’s HER story and she’s allowed to do what she wants with it, and has spoken over Greeks time and time again that their input doesn’t matter over her personal feelings and thoughts. you don’t see other people in her position who also made bank (such as Rick Riordan or Madeline Miller) treat Greece and it’s people so awfully as her, her fans, and her product do, yet she gets all the excuses in the world while the above mentioned and others work on their mistakes and try to always put their best products out there, all while respecting Greece and it’s stories and even giving platforms to the underrepresented, meanwhile Rachel herself can’t even keep colors in line or keep designs on model while her writing gets more and more nonsensical, with her status only going to enrich herself and her ego while the rest are clinging to survive. God willing, maybe another mythology webtoon will be picked up to give her some competition and actually force her to put in the work for the rewards she earned off the backs of others, and that can’t happen soon enough.

8. NGL, kinda funny that LO Stan defends it by claiming people who dislike it are just “hacks like the woman behind 50 shades” like … uh … you know LO is ripped off from 50 shades, right? Like quite literally, it’s almost point for point exactly the same as 50 shades, down to the CEO with mommy issues and BDSM mixed with weird obsessions over a college girl’s virginity and a jealous ex who is into it versus the pure MC. Rachel is literally the hack ripping off 50 shades that that stan is claiming antis are. Wild stuff.

Anyway both the 50 shades woman and Rachel owe Stephanie Meyers a lot of money Bc they both in turn just ripped off Twilight anyway lol

Based on this post:

https://alatismeni-theitsa.tumblr.com/post/663420719494053888/why-not-write-a-take-of-your-own-on-the-myths

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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agentmattsimmons · 3 years ago

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my thoughts on assassins at the classic stage company!! (or: a “review” of assassins by someone who just really, really loves assassins)

- first things first. this cast. so insanely perfectly cast i literally cannot get over it. everyone embodied their characters so well. it’s like these characters were written for them, and i fully believe this production is the best way to view assassins!! (also: this production is the best way to run it (masks, actors/musicians, the ending projection, the whole nine yards. it was something the musical was missing and made it that much better))

- some notable mentions (edit: this is really just bordering on the entire cast but they’re THAT GOOD!!!!!)

- ethan slater: WOW. just wow. his balladeer is one to remember and his transition into oswald is straight up unforgettable. he was so raw and powerful. there was pain in his movements as he took off the jumpsuit and handed it over to the balladeer. his hesitation and reluctance to do so. the way he looks down at it in his hands, the proprietor reaching for it. i was completely enamored the his performance. special mention for his complete enjoyment when watching the others!!!! you could make a show out of ethan slater’s love and admiration for his costars alone

- brandon uranowitz: maybe i am biased because czolgosz is my favorite but he went above and beyond for this role. he was so perfectly angry and it was something you could sympathize with. the bottle scene Broke Me. his ability to portray emotions, especially those ugly, angry, self-loathing emotions we don’t like to feel, is on another level. and then you could practically feel every thought, every potential hesitation, in his mind as he waited in line. his tears when speaking to emma goldberg had me in tears man. there are no amount of good words to say just how amazing brandon uranowitz was as leon czolgosz. simply none.

- tavi. gevinson. i found myself OBSESSED with her performance the entire time. she’s so convincing as a young girl in (delusional) love. everything about her was him and she sold it so well. her relationship with sarah jane moore was funny, i loved the way they worked off of each other and with each other despite their characters being complete opposites. not to mention her VOICE!!!!! i am absolutely in love w her portrayal of lynette fromme

- eddie cooper and bianca horn but especially at the end. eddie cooper was such an amazing proprietor and i loved everything about him, but what hit me was his performance at the end, after jfk dies. he’s not the proprietor anymore, he’s part of the audience. he is us, watching the president die. he brings the folded american flag down the stage, almost crying. i wasn’t sure if he did but it’s there in his face, his wobbling lip and pained eyes. i don’t think i can ever get that image out of my head. bianca horn at the end too. she cried and i cried and it was so beautiful and heartbreaking. she is a powerhouse and a force to be reckoned with, both vocally and acting-wise. she carries herself with such poise and grace. i couldn’t get enough of her performance, no matter who she was portraying.

- i don’t think i will ever get tired of steven pasquale as john wilkes booth!! he’s so perfect for this role and executed it so well, yet again. he was able to have fun with it but still understand the complexity of his character and his impact not only to the other assassins, but the audience as well. i will only accept productions of assassins with steven pasquale as booth from now on thank you.

- alright i got carried away. back to the actual notes

- something i really loved about the balladeer was how his guitar acted as protection. every time he comes to counter the assassins, he picks up his guitar. this is especially prevalent in when the assassins and the proprietor begin surrounding him (literally and figuratively). he lets his guitar fall but picks it right back up to frantically tell them that they’re wrong, that america can be a place where everyone succeeds. what seemed like the final push in this scene was the proprietor taking his guitar away. he does so with a smirk, while the balladeer reaches for it back. and then, we get lee harvey oswald. this scene was so well done and the guitar symbolism just.. chefs kiss. truly.

- I Love The Actors/Musicians. Oh Man. it was so amazing to watch their incorporation into the cast as both musicians and ensemble members. also their ranges??? they all play multiple instruments throughout the show AND act AND sing. and their voicesssssssss!!!! they’re so talented and managed to capture my attention just as much as the assassins.

- Mask. Choreography. i did not expect it !! but it works so well with the show and i never want to see a production without the masks tbh!! it was yet another reminder that this is now. we are living through what others will see as history, much like the events depicted in the show. now, it’s history. but it wasn’t then- it was real and now.

- i love the stage?? i’ve seen a few reviews that critique it for being too small and not allowing for much staging but i think the cast works so well with what they have and manage to use up the entire stage. the balladeer spends a good amount of time on the steps to the stage/the edge of the stage and the characters frequently run off into the audience so they utilize the ENTIRE space. the cast was so good at making sure each section of the audience felt included (especially ethan!! i know i keep raving about his performance but i couldn’t stop thinking about how good he was at ensuring everyone in the audience was part of the show)

- i really loved how the balladeer was on stage for the majority, if not all, of the show. even when he’s not singing! he was just chilling at different corners of the stage or in the back. i found it so fun to be watching the show just to look over and see ethan slater enjoying it as much as i was

- The Projections. Hello?? Oh My God??? i’ve always loved how the show used the projector (i am a Big Fan of the jfk assassination scene in the bway revival when the zapruder film is projected onto oswald’s shirt) and this production took it to another level. each president is shown with their respective assassin when they’re all introduced, and then again when the assassins shoot them with a target overlaid onto their image. i do miss the t-shirt zapruder film but honestly? this felt just as powerful. instead of oswald becoming his actions, we get to see him watch it. react to it. absorb what he’s done. he stands in front of the projection in shock? misery? fear? pride? all of it. and it’s so amazing.

- projections 2.0 because it deserves its own bullet point: The Ending Projection. during everybody’s got the right (reprise), a picture of the jan 6 capitol riot is projected behind the assassins. as they sing about getting national attention by doing something no one thinks of, we see an image of rioters storming the capitol, waving trump 2020/4 flags. it’s such a shocking yet grounding parallel in the best and worst way. it’s (another) painful reminder that this isn’t history: this is now. these things aren’t to be forgotten with the rest of history because they continue to happen today.

- lastly a special note for guiteau and zangara because they were my moms favorite! she didn’t know the story before and genuinely believed zangara had a stomachache until it was talked about because wesley taylor is just That Good. guiteau was also one of my favorites because he was incredibly hilarious, the definition of unforgettable performance. there was a moment where he was at the end of the stage, right in front of me, looking down. i can’t remember the exact scene right now but as he was talking about his gun, his hand (holding the gun) twitched and he quite literally instilled the fear of god into me because i really thought he was going to point the gun straight at me. it was terrifying and thrilling and amazing all at once

- all in all: i would do anything to see this show again. id pay any amount for a recorded version honestly. the casts voices work so beautifully well together it’s a crime they don’t all work together for everything and anything else. they all bounce off of each other like no other!!! (especially ethan slater and stephen pasquale, those booth and balladeer scenes were Fantastic)

#THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU DID!! mwah love u #yea i’m back from hiatus to talk about assassins and i think it’s perfectly on brand #somehow i am even more in love with this musical now #im sure i will have many more (more coherent) thoughts once ive fully absorbed my experience but i have little to no critiques !!#again maybe i am biased because it is my all time favorite musical but this production was done So. Well. thank you John Doyle x1million #anyways. please talk to me about assassins #assassins the musical #sondheim #broadway

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duskholland · 4 years ago

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I’m loving these blurbs!! Can you do one about them filming their movie together or getting their Oscar noms?

status: post-story; lovers; tom’s pov - shooting their film together. read the fame game!

so we all know that tom and harry were working on adapting their favourite book into a film over quarantine...? this is that, two years later, when they shoot it with y/n. this is the film that they win the oscars for in the main story :’) thought I would take you to visit them on their first date on set!

— continuing tfg blurb night! —

The first day of a new production is always nerve-wracking, but Tom feels the lightest he’s ever felt as he walks on-set with you at his side.

He’s already familiar with the studio. He’d toured it a few months ago with Harry, back when they’d been finalising their script. As soon as the screenplay had been approved, and the cast settled, Tom had booked out the lot for seven months. Now it looks ready: set build, lights shining, crew bustling around. There’s a nervous excitement in his chest that shows no sign of easing, only growing more fervent the further onto set he walks.

“I need to go to makeup,” you tell him, squeezing his hand. Tom reluctantly lets go of you, pouting at you until you roll your eyes and kiss his lips, softly. “See you on set, baby.”

Tom watches you go, admiring you quietly.

It’d been a bit of a nerve-wracking proposition: shooting this film with you. Not only is it Tom’s first time being directly involved with production as well as acting, but he’s heard horror stories of couples that enter an ambitious project like this together only to fall apart during the process. But you’d been on board from day one - continuously supportive, not just in your agreement to star as leading lady, but also supporting him throughout the stresses of pulling together a film on this scale.

Tom’s still nervous about it all, but he realises his fears are all unwarranted when he walks into the wings of the main set later that afternoon and watches you shoot your first scene. It’s just you, alone, monologuing to yourself in the centre of a staged bedroom, but it’s captivating to watch you work.

Maybe Tom is a little biased, but he thinks he could watch you act for hours on end, and never get bored. There’s just something so magical about the way that you command yourself. Always in control, pouring everything that you have into your character, your scene. Your voice, even lilted with an unfamiliar accent, makes his heart pulse, and Tom realises that he’s never been more in love with you as he is in this moment.

“Cut! Take five, everyone.” The director calls. Tom startles, looking around and blinking a few times. Harry, from where he’s standing behind a camera, turns around, stretching, smiling at him as he sees his brother.

“You alright?” Harry calls out.

Tom nods, clearing his throat as he walks forward. “Yeah,” he says, feeling a lump in his throat. “Just can’t believe this is finally happening.”

Harry nods. The two brothers had worked on the film together, writing the script as a team. It’s been taken on by a production company now, but it’s still very much their project, and Tom’s sure that Harry feels just about as nervous and proud as he does right now.

“Y/N’s doing great,” Harry adds. “Smashing it.”

Tom nods. “She is,” he says. “I might go check in with her, whilst she’s on a break.”

Harry hums. “Catch you later.”

You’re sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling through your phone aimlessly. When Tom approaches, you look up to him, your face clearing.

“How am I doing?” You ask, a teasing smile spreading across your face, but Tom can see the genuine curiosity hanging in your eyes. He reaches down for your hands, standing in front of you and rubbing his thumbs over the back of your warm palms.

“Fantastic,” he compliments. “I can see it already,” he says, “Oscar-Nominated Actress, Y/N Y/L/N.”

You scoff. “Always so dramatic.” You kiss over his knuckles, and Tom thinks you’re so cute.

“Not dramatic,” he counters. “Supportive.”

You nod, seeming to like that better.

“Very supportive,” you agree. You squeeze his hands. “I can’t wait to do our scenes together. It… It’s going to be a lot of fun working on this with you, Tom. Thank you for inviting me to join this project.”

“Of course, love.” Tom pulls one of your hands towards him, kissing the back of it with warm lips. “There’s no one else I’d want to do this with.”

You return his smile, your eyes soft. “I love you,” you tell him, and it doesn’t matter that it’s been two years since you got together - Tom always blushes when he hears you speak those three lovely words.

“Love you too, darling.”

#anonymous #i have not a single shred of acting ability and yet ? writing this makes me want to star in a film. yes.#tom holland x reader #tfgblurbs #thanks so much for requesting!

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oleanderblume · 3 years ago

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I watched all of heartstopper today and I have THOUGHTS

Don't worry they are good thoughts.

One of my absolute *least* favorite things in entertainment media is the use of current, and predominantly online terms.

Especially when it comes to more left leaning politics. Because it comes off incredibly pedantic and pandering and insincere. Like, there was this cute show I was totally into up until it started using terms in that incredibly forced and insincere way, where I turned it off and simply haven't touched it again.

I'm really picky about this shit because I'm one of those fuckers that likes the characters to be characters before they are *insert token check box here* and that particular form of "inclusivity" just reads as tone deaf because I don't know a single person who would *out loud and in regards to themselves* use that type of language.

And like, that's generally a really big issue with lgbt+ fiction in media, because for some reason production companies and directors think that we like our identities being entirely linked to politics :/

Heartstopper was a breath fresh fucking air for me (I legit almost cried like 4 times watching it) because all the characters had incredibly believable dialog and reactions and even little inside jokes that are common within the community to the point that if you are *in* the lgbt+ community, you'd get it, and if you aren't, it's something small enough, you'd not even notice.

They felt like characters before they felt like stereotypical, tokenized identities, which was really nice. It felt like a *romance* before a story about sexuality, and the romance was incredibly well done 👏

And holy FUCK I love how they handled Elle. Actually, I loved how they handled every character's gender and sexuality, because it wasn't cheap. It was organic.

They trusted the audience to put two and two together about Elle being trans before finally dropping the proverbial bomb in I think like, the second to last episode??? Idk for sure but I *loved* it.

Maybe because I do the exact same thing with my trans character in Caring for Your Clown. Cause Oliver isn't *officially* revealed as trans until the mid point, but there are tons of hints throughout the text leading up to that point and I've not seen that anywhere else except for Heartstopper. (Granted the only other example i can think of is the trash fire that was high guardian spice trying to explain transgender people XD)

Like, Elle's treatment in the story is basically why I'm ranting about the show right now because I loved it so much. Granted, I kind of wished she had more screen time, but I'm automatically biased to love literally any trans rep so....that aside, Elle's character specifically was a really beautiful take on that representation.

I think though, the thing that really made this show so wonderful for me was how every POV character (with exceptions of Isaac cause he sort of doesn't exist) has incredibly relatable and realistic thoughts, reactions and above all else, STRUGGLES that are accurately portrayed.

Not over emphasized, or made into a caricature. It's genuine nuance to them in their individual arcs.

Case in point: Elle's crush on Tao being largely inhibited by her fear (or at least me perception of her fear) that Tao would never be interested in her *because* she is trans. Cause you best be damned if I didn't catch that.

It's framed in a "Don't want to ruin the friendship" sort of way, but you cannot reasonably convince me that she wouldn't be terrified of pursuing a relationship with him because he is straight, and how that commonly reflects the idea that straight people won't ever be into trans people on the basis of their AGAB.

Like I'm sorry. You can't tell me I'm wrong here.

(This is also a parallel in my books, cause my MC has feelings for another and he actively dismisses them because he thinks that that person doesn't want him as a *boy*— I mean, there's also like a ton of other reasons, but that's one of them)

Or the entire arc with Charlie being feeling as though he is a burden to Nick because of his past relationship. Or the fact that it is so *evident* that Nick immediately understands that his fear of being ostracized and asking Charlie to do the exact same thing he did with Ben is hurtful.

Also HOLY FUCK actual God damned bisexual representation???? Like a MAIN CHARACTER being openly, decidedly bisexual? I love that. Because it's so often the "I don't like lables" sexuality. I fucking loved it when Nick came to that conclusion.

Basically, as an author, and avid lover of storytelling...heartstopper is really good and I highly recommend it if you want to see genuine and nuanced portrayal of LGBT+ romance.

And I really hope I get more fucking Elle and Tao because I love every scene with them so much I need my girl to be happy.

#heartstopper #idk i liked it a lot

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slowlyreadinghouseofmirth · 3 years ago

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Page 6

(Selden being unsatisfied that the analogy that beauty being applied to vulgar clar doesn't fit Lily) a course texture will not take on a high finish -> deep down he knows Lily is a good person but also valuable in her own right as a person beyond the function of siciety-- the core of Lily is comparable to the raw materials of the clay. A kind of analogy similar to beauty is only skin deep, where Lily's beauty, as Selden views, is a product of her person, not just a mask she wears.

the material was fine but circumstance had fashioned it into a futile shape -> again the idea that women, particularly in the upper classes, are restricted by their need to fit into societal boxes. The restrictions don't lessen the women, but lessen what we see of them, as we look for only what is useful to us, and the only purpose of women in these ranks is marriage, which Selden views as futile.

the sun came out, ane her lifted parasol cut off his enjoyment -> the setting, parricularly the weather, has a big impact on setting the mood. The sun often symbolises happiness, so here the fact that Selden is blocked from the sun is telling that he can never think about Lily for too long, like it's a secret. The fact that it's Lily who cuts of the sun is interesting. As an overarching metaphor, the sun is his happiness and his happiness comes from Lily, but she also is the cause of the direct opposite, curbing his happiness by the barriers she puts up. In this sense (and I'm probably going out on a limb here) where Selden is seen as Lily's hope, Lily is also a cause of her own demise by distancing herself at times from him, by putting up those barriers.

The weather is used on the previous page as well which I didn't mention: A rapid shower had cooled the air, and clouds still hung refreshingly over the moist street. -> this feeling of refreshment and invigoration is linked to the meeting of Lily and Selden, where they each view the other's company as refreshing and invigorating, which is also to say honest and open.

"... what a hideous place New York is!" -> I've probably mentioned this before but Lily is quite overly expressive and blunt when she talks, which may read as rude but I like her for it: it's a refreshing contrast from the setting and other characters, where etiquette is of high concern. It also demonstrated how unsuited she is to life in high society. (and also discord between reading people/situations and reacting to them in a way that society deems appropriate makes me think she might be neurodivergent but I'll revisit that idea when I have more evidence)

American craving for novelty -> to maintain novelty is to constantly create new things which is unsustainable and frivolous. This can be linked to specifically the upper classes' desire to show wealth by always having the latest fashion, but also high society itself which is unsustainable as Lily learns. It also points out the driving force of capatilism in America which is still unsustainable without great damage to many people. Hence Lily becomes a victim of a culture breed from capitalism.

He paused a moment -> This shows that Selden considers the consequences of asking her to his rooms before he asks her, because he knows what the consequences are for Lily to be caught in such a position. Despite this, he still asks her, giving her a choice, and ultimately agency, even if she is biased towards following him.

Her colour deepened – she still had the art of blushing at the right time -> instills the idea that everything is a performance done to observed and judged. The fact that there is a right time to blush, something that is an involuntary reaction, highlights the ridiculiusness/futility of societal expectations as discussed preciously. This also implies that there have been previous occasions in Selden's presence that have had cause for Lily to blush, which is intriguing, and speaks to a deep relationship.

"... I'll take the risk," -> it seems as though all of their time that they can spend tozgether is fraught with danger. Hence something thrilling and exciting for both of them is gained on each others company. Perhaps this among many other things is why they never become an official couple, because then they would lose that sense of forever chasing their affection.

"Oh, I'm not dangerous," he said in the same key. -> I'm sorry i can't hear you for their flirting ajsjkfg. The "Oh," is a clear indication that Selden is flirting, but also it adds an extra layer of meaning to "I'm not dangerous.". This carries both the literal meaning that Selden is aware of what a proposition like that could look like and is telling Lily that he knows for her to go up to his rooms is dangerous, in terms of what people's perceptions of that will be, but that he is not going to realise those assumptions. He would never harm her and is telling her he actively cares for her well being. It also, with the flirtation, could be read as that Selden could be dangerous if Lily wanted him to be, where dangerous means desirable. "said in the same key" refers to flirtatious tone that they share with each other but I think it also shows understanding of one another, which they both find hard to come by.

#I took a more chatty approach #I am but a simple shipper of these two idiots #hom meta #house of mirth #Page 6

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aliciadelaplaya · 3 years ago

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So what should TRF do, exactly?

Yet again there have been almost defeaning calls on SM for TRF to DO SOMETHING about the Sussexes. So, I’d like to address this question, maybe throw in something of a reality check.

Most people should know by now that it is not in HMTQ’s power to remove the Sussex titles. This can only be done by an Act of Parliament, and primary legislation at that.

This means that the “motion” has to be debated by both the House of Commons and House of Lords.

Now, just think for a minute, a debate, in the house of commons, with all those Black Female Labour MPs banging on about removing the titles from the, supposedly, first bi-racial member of TRF. Goodness, if people thought that the Sussexes incoherent and contradictory mud slinging about “conversations” about the colour of Archie’s skin was damaging to TRF, how much worse would it be to hear elected representatives of the British people (however ignorant, biased and downright stupid) accuse TRF of racism in The Mother of Parliaments. Now that would be seriously damaging.

And of course The British Government has far more important things it needs to Parliamentary time for.

Also, there is some sort of notion floating around Social Media that if HMTQ asks Parliament, then it will immediately be given. Anyone who knows anything about the hundreds of years that it has taken the UK to go from an absolute to constitutional monarchy knows damn well that a) HMTQ would never dream of asking and b) HM’s Government would in no way automatically acceed to any request made by the Sovereign.

Some people seem to think that we live in some sort of medieaval kingdom with an all powerful Monarch.

Yet, there are still those who are jumping up and down, calling HMTQ and PC fit to burn because they are “Not Doing Anything”

OK, so put your money where your mouth is?

What should they do?

Exactly.

Go on,

tell us.

What would you do if one of your sons or brothers, daughters or sisters had got themselves ensnared with a dangerous narcissist? When every word of warning, every well-meant piece of advice does nothing more than drive them further into the arms of their addiction.

What would you do if their mental state before they met this person was a matter of family concern and now, far from your care, deaf to your entreaties, was publicly deteriorating to the point that they have become a world-wide laughing stock?

Tell us. What would you do? They are an adult, one who has not been sectioned, free to make their own choices, to lead their own life. They are your family. What do you do?

How exactly are you going to stop him talking about you, spreading lies and gossip? Go on, tell us, we’re dying to know.

What would you do if your beloved family member had made it clear to you that if their spouse leaves them, they will kill themselves? Go on, what would you do?

What would you do if you believed that anything your family did could be the cause of anger on the part of the narcissist and put your loved one in danger. What would you do, exactly, to stop them? Please tell us. There are a lot of people out there who would love to know.

“Cut them off” many people are crying! But that is what we know PC has done, albeit after providing his younger son and his wife with a substantial gift to help set them up in their new lives, as per the Megxit agreement.

Tell the truth about the surrogates? Yes, we would all like that, we know that niether of those children were born of her body, that they are not entitled to a place in the line of succession. Yet, however much we jump up and down and say that TRF is “public property”, the fact is, they too are still entitled to basic human rights, and one of those is privacy. It is not for TRF to tell the truth about the surrogacies, it is not their story to tell. It is for Harry and his wife. One day the truth will come out, it always does. The TRF can not be the ones to let the cat out of the bag. They just can not.

OK, so people jump up and down saying that HMTQ and PC are showing weakness by not responding to all these attacks. So tell us, what exactly would you do? Exactly, what would you have done when?

They said that you don’t own the rights to the word Royal (which is true)? When every single speech that woman made duing lockdown by Zoom has a dig at your family. Would you respond? How? Exactly.

When they set up a photoshoot trampling over war graves, insulting the memories of both the US and the UK fallen? What would you have done to stop it? Go on, do tell?

I can’t be arsed to dig out the list of all the insults, swipes etc that these two have levelled at TRF, HMTQ, PC etc. Geniunely because I’ve forgotten most of them, there have been so many, they have lost their currency, they have been devaluted. Even the massive fall out from the “bombshell” whineathon with OW, was overtaken by more whinging, it’s a deluge. How could the sitatuation have been helped if, as it was rumoured PC wanted to do, each accusation was thoroughly challenged. Can you imagine?

How many of you own or run companies? How many of you have had, in any shape or form had people complain to you about products or services? How many of you have received unjustified/maliciious/ignorant complaints - 100% I would guess. And what is the best way of dealing with these? Do you engage and argue with every minor point, do you want to “win” the argument. Does it make you feel better to win by beating the complainent over the head with your greater wisdom, teaching them a lesson, showing them for the stupid, ignorant people they are? What happens if you engage? It never bloody stops. But if you reply thanking them profusely for the incredible amount of time they have taken to give you feedback, if you thank them for their custom, if you offer them a discount/money back. If you ARE NICE TO THEM. Guess what? THEY HAVE NO WHERE TO GO! NOWHERE. Believe me, I’ve done both and I can tell you hands down which is the most satisfying and, ultimately the most productive in the long term.

The situation is the same here, if TRF engages in any shape or form it will be playing directly into the Narcs playbook and the Sussexes will push back, it will excite them, thrill them, give them power. It will be more fuel for their global whinging and victimhood. It will be more interminable articles in Hello and Page Six (Does anyone read these publications) Look at the few times TRF have pushed back and H has come in, all guns blazing with legal letters (and what happened to all that, we wonder). Have you noticed that since the word got out that TRF were not going to stand by silently, the BS stories about HMTQ having zoom calls with the mythical child, buying waffle makers have stopped?

They are much more careful now when they try to bring HMTQ into their lunacy.

“Love me, hate me, but NEVER ignore me” is the Narcs motto and it will be driving Harry’s wife mad that they have been completely iced and are not rising to their constant baiting. But some of the Megxiteers are. Effectively, the Megxiteers are doing the Sussexes work for them. That sure is some fuel for the narc.

It makes me laugh when the MSM and SM get their knickers in a twist about the latest fuckwittery coming out of Montecito (or whever they don’t live). They want the child to be christened in Windsor with HMTQ present. Don’t make me larff! That is never going to happen. This is absolute kite flying at it’s worst. It’s poking the bear and all these ridiculous Royal Reporters nod their heads and make seemingly wise podcasts about the prospect of this happening (and they can do it with - mostly - straight faces), as if it was actually a possibility when I’d like to think that they, like me, believe that H and his wife have been well and truly iced, they are personas non grata.

When the wife buggered off back to Canada after the Commonwealth service leaving her useless husband to tell more lies on his own, rather than with her at his side, I was convinced then that she will never set foot on these shores again and I stand by that view now as I did then.

So, the latest stick with which the megxiteers have chosen to beat TRF with is that the second child is now on the website as being in the line of succession. Yes, it is an absolute abomination, yes, it offends every fibre of my being, yes I want to expose these two evil hypocrites for this egregregious fraud that they are perpetrating on TRF and the rest of the British people. Of course, like most of you, I want to see justice done, and I want it done NOW. But life isn’t like that. and just as Caesar’s wife has to be above suspision so do our (much loved) RF. Look how we all noticed the careful wording of the Baby congrats on the birth of the second child, they know, we know, but TRF have to play a staight bat, they just have to.

While, in the SM bubble we can all get ourselves wound up, upset, angry, sure that the monarchy will fall etc etc outside, in the real world, most people don’t give a flying fuck about Harry. He’s an idiot, an ex-royal, gone, finished. He is not important either inside or outside TRF.

HE IS IRRELEVANT.

And, if anyone is wondering while all this stuff about book deals is coming out now. I give you this:

The Mail on Sunday appeal - will probably run into next year The Bullying accusations - will probably run into next year. Tom Bower’s book (this is a biggy) - to be published next year?

The Sussexes are aware they are losing popularity, that is why each pronouncement is more and more ludicrous and each Hello article more and more desperate.

The Sussexes are aware they are under attack by forces outside TRF, and they are making their pre-emptive strikes at the low hanging fruit, the soft underbelly of his family.

TRF are doing exactly the right thing. Keep Calm, Carry On and while ignoring them won’t make them go away, it will make them look increasingly ridiculous.

This is true strength, not to rise to the bait, to carry on regardless. Remember our Queen has a strong and deeply held Christian faith, turning the other cheek is part of that, whether we like it or not. TRF should not, under any circumstances sink to the level of Harry and his wife.

Let’s just enjoy the H show for what it is, a mentally unstable ensnared fool doing everything he can to ensure he continues to receive the favours (sexual and otherwise) of the narcissist he married. Because, imho, that is what it’s all about.

Remember the engagement interview. “I hope she loves me as much as I love her”.

Sorry mate, that ship has sailed and nothing, nothing you can do will bring it back.

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kirstinlm · 4 years ago

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how a heart melts

by embracedself

fandom: Supergirl

ship: SuperCorp

set in a world where Kara is sure that Lena hates her.

Lena is sure that the reporter is uninterested.

Here's how that turned out.

read it on ao3 here.

It wasn't like Kara necessarily hated Lena Luthor. No, she actually quite admired the startup CEO. Thing was, she was pretty sure that Lena Luthor hated her. Every single time that Kara's boss, Snapper Carr, forced Kara over to Lena's office (L-Corp) to interview, Lena seemed red and uncertain what to say. Maybe she was just nervous, but that was definitely not the feeling Kara got from it. Even when Kara began to speak to Lena, tentatively like she was a mouse squeaking up to a cat, Lena would mimic her stutter, or perhaps she was simply nervous herself. But that was a ridiculous thought for the Ice Queen herself. She would never get nervous over a mouse like Kara Danvers.

This time, however, when Snapper demanded that Kara go over to the L-Corp building and get a quote about Lena's new prototypes of watches --- they were deemed Hopeful, as if it were helpful but....with a twist. Rao, Kara hoped she wouldn't stammer that way in front of Lena. Last thing she needed was to make Lena's product seem dumb to Lena herself. Anyway, back to the watch. Ms. Luthor had managed to get the watch that talked back to you, like a Siri, but without all the corporate stealing your data and Google trying to sneak into your thoughts and anticipate your next move. Hope was, simply put, a helpful voice who would do a number of things for you.

That was stuff she could tell Lena right? Talking up her product like that wouldn't be offensive to her, surely. Even if it did sound rather....picturesque for a reporter. In Kara's defense, she was still new at this part. Oh, maybe THAT'S why Lena hated her so much! Because CatCo kept sending the rookie to meet with her. Oh, it all made so much more sense now. Hopefully, and that was a big hope she had there, if that was all the problem was, then it wasn't with Kara herself. Kara hadn't somehow offended the pretty lady who was a multimillionaire with connections everywhere. Lena could RUIN Kara if she misstepped.

Gulping now, Kara went into the office where she saw Jess, L-Corp and Lena's personal secretary. "Hello Ms Haung, I'm uh, I'm here to see Ms Luthor again?" It came out like a question. Kara immediately winced. "With CatCo." She coughed out. "I have an appointment---" she promised.

"I know, Kara. Not to worry, Ms Luthor is ready to see you now." Jess interrupted with a kinder smile than what Kara was expecting. "By the by, how are you enjoying all of the fl---" This time it was Jess who got interrupted. By Ms Luthor herself.

"Ms Danvers," Oh, there was none of the stuttering today. Just a polite smile, one that showed all of Lena's teeth. Maybe it was a little offputting. Maybe it was more than a little. Okay, so Kara needed to get a grip. "How lovely for you to join us again." She nodded towards her office, indicating that Kara should follow.

Complying immediately, Kara gave Lena her best smile. "Thank you for having me again." She managed not to stutter as well. Rather proud of that, yes, but well, it was deserved. She didn't need to be made a fool of again in front of a beautiful woman. That's just --- cruel.

"I assume you're here to discuss Hope, today. Unless...." Kara nodded before Lena could finish the sentence. "Yes Ms Luthor, sure am!" She beamed up at the woman, only to see Lena's face falling. Just for a split second, and then she was professional once more. Kara wondered how she'd mucked up this time.

"Great." It was a singular word, so how the heck did it have that much force behind it? To be fair, Kara supposed the woman saying it was a force to be reckoned with as well. Ms Lena "Never stand behind a man" Luthor. L-Corp was way too amateaur for Lena's capabilities, but Kara was not going to say that. Kara was not going to say anything else wrong. She wouldn't!

"So what made you decide to make Hope in the first place?" Kara pulled out her notepad and sat, only once Lena did the same.

"My mother, actually. My biological one, make sure you clarify that." Lena corrected herself. Kara nodded, making a show of writing it down. Lena cracked a smile before sobering up. "As I'm sure most of CatCo by now knows, I've been recently reunited with Mum in the first place." She bit her lip and Kara had only a second to wonder what that would taste like if she did the same before Lena was speaking again. "If I had been wearing a Hope watch on, or if she had, we could have found each other faster. Never been separated at all ---" She broke off. "When I finally did find my mother, it was not before she'd had a fall in her tub."

Kara looked up sympathetically, wondering how she would have felt if Eliza fell. "I just want to make the world as safe a place as posible, especially after what Lex did." Lena shrugged quitely. "Can't you understand that?"

"Can't imagine if my mum lost her footing whilst she was in the shower. I'm glad yours is okay." Kara said gently. "Mine wears Hope now as well." She offered.

"I'm honoured, though I hope she never has to use it for that kind of thing." Lena responded genuinely. It was the longest conversation they'd had without being stuttery and nervous (angry?)

"So um, I take it this wasn't a plot to overthrow Google and the other companies?" Kara quirked a smile at Lena.

"Definitely not. Just wanted some safety for my mum." Lena agreed softly. Kara nodded, writing that down on her pad as well.

"Do you have any other questions for me, Ms Danvers?" Lena asked formally at last.

"No Ms Luthor, just about done here." She promised, writing down the last few notes she'd wanted to put in her article. "The article should be up on CatCo's site tomorrow, and come out with the newspaper on the next day." Kara added. "Assuming Snapper doesn't call it too biased."

"Biased?" Lena raised an eyebrow. Shoot. What had Kara done?

"Oh, um. You know, because I like you so much!" Kara blurted. "I mean--- your work! It's fantastic. And I'm so happy you got reunited with your mum, I'd kill to be with mine again, and---"

Kara was cut off with a shaking hand placed on her arm. When she looked, it was Lena's. Her eyes were softer than she'd ever seen.

Impossibly green. Beautiful in a way that Kara had only noticed in her dreams. And now they were getting...closer to her face. Scrutinizing her.

"You said you like me." Lena whispered. It didn't sound like she was opposed to the idea, merely in disbelief. "You like me?" She repeated as a question when Kara said nothing, too afraid to voice her feelings.

Kara nodded fearfully. "Listen, I know you probably think it's insane. And you probably hate the idea, I mean I hate it too, sometimes." Kara said in a rush. "But even when you're mocking my stuttering, or saying things that are kinda hurtful like.... well it doesn't matter.... but anyway I promise I'll stop coming by! I won't let Snapper deter me from having an opinion on the matter this time, I promise!" She said with wide eyes.

"Wait a second." Lena spoke in a wondrous voice. She was still looking at Kara as if she were Santa Claus. "You think I hate you?"

"I mean..... I'm not sure what the right answer is here." Kara confessed.

"An-and that when I start to stutter, that I'm mocking you?" Lena looked crestfallen. But dawning was starting to show in her eyes, and Kara definitely liked the way it made them glow.

Kara nodded nervously. "I'm sorry. Have I got everything wrong?" She asked, her eyes nervously following Lena's fingers as they began to wring anxiously.

"Uh, yeah." Lena nodded affirmatively. "Very wrong. So wrong. I'm like..... in awe of how spectacularly wrong we've both been." Kara looked up at her, confusion glittering in blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" Kara asked at last.

"I am in love with you, Kara Danvers." Lena stated in a serious voice. "And I have been ever since you first walked into the office with your cousin and you weren't even a reporter yet, you were just convinced in my goodness. How could I not love you? I'm always so nervous around you that I can't help but get shy and stutter, or say the wrong things. I just want to impress you, Kara. That's why I sent all those flowers--- and then you just... ignored them, so I thought, fine, she's not interested. It's no big deal. But now you say you like me and I'm...."

Kara cut her off by very literally launching herself over Lena's desk and kissing the ravenette. It was a mistake and one that they'd both paid dearly for, but they had a lot of missed time to make up for. She slid off the other side of Lena's desk, crawling into her lap as Lena pulled her even closer, they were sharing the same breath when Kara finally pulled away for clarification. "You sent me flowers." She asked, running a finger over Lena's lips. "And you thought I ignored them. I never--- I didn't get any."

Lena looked both crestfallen and relieved at the very same time, and also just a little like she'd been thoroughly ravished. "You didn't get them."

"No. I assure you, I would have noticed them." Kara promised, stealing another, slow and serious kiss as she wrapped her hands around Lena's neck.

"I sent them to Ms Kara Danvers..... at CatCo." Lena looked confused, but when she received the second kiss she relaxed into it.

"The entire office only recognises me as Kiera. They probably, uh, they probably got thrown out when no one realised it was me." Kara confessed. "It's an issue I'm working through."

Lena let out a soft laugh, looking relieved. "Well then, KARA Danvers.... I'd like to treat you to lunch. Maybe have some more kisses too." She bit her lip. "Is that something you're interested in?"

"Very much so." Kara promised. "And I'd like to take you out for dinner. And give you a lot more kisses then, too." Kara murmured as she pressed kiss after kiss on Lena's face, all over the adorable, blushing cheeks.

"I like the sound of that." Lena admitted. "Maybe I can meet.....whoever is in your life."

"As long as I can meet your mum." Kara hummed. Lena arched her neck.

"But first, we have some time to make up for."

#supercorp #supercorp fic #supergirl #supergirl fic #arrowverse fic #kara danvers #lena luthor #katie mcgrath #melissa benoist

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btschooseafic · 4 years ago

Text

Hey you, what’s your dream?

Pairing: platonic!oc x ot7

Details: manager!oc, predebut/idolverse, partial BTS World!verse

Summary: Aviva is worried about Soonyoung. They learn something new about Yoongi.

Warnings: This is a fictional story based on real events. The characters presented here are not the same as their real life counterparts. (TW: drinking and vomiting mention) [Masterlist]

Interlude 2: Crossroads Pt. 1

STAR - Jessi

“Road to success but my vision foggy

Thought the rain would never stop”

January 2012

Soonyoung’s birthday was on the first. She threw herself a big party that Aviva tried her best to be engaged in, though she felt more in her element giving Soonyoung painkillers and birthday cake the next morning.

However, as the new year continued, Soonyoung was out more and more partying. She had always been social, but Aviva was worried about the impact it would have on her training.

And then Aviva woke up one night to find Soonyoung throwing up over the toilet. She held back Soonyoung’s hair silently. She made Soonyoung a cup of tea, and tentatively brought up her concerns.

“So what?” Soonyoung said, as they sat on the bathroom floor together. “It’s not like they’re ever planning on debuting me. They have all these younger, prettier female trainees at the affiliate companies now.”

“First of all, even if they’re pretty, doesn’t mean you’re not,” Aviva told her. “Second of all, have you talked to them? Talk to Chief Youngjin or Bang-PDnim.”

Soonyoung shook her head, closing her eyes slightly.

“I don’t care.”

Aviva frowned. “How can you not care? It’s always been your dream.”

Soonyoung sighed. “Maybe I’m just growing up and realizing most people don’t get to fulfill their childhood dreams. I feel like I’m struggling against the tide, Avi. And you know I’ve never been good at swimming.”

“Then I’m getting you floaties,” Aviva muttered determinedly. Soonyoung laughed.

“Keep the floaties for yourself, darling. You know there isn’t room for two people on that piece of wood.”

Aviva groaned. “Fuck the Titantic, you know I hate that movie. We’re getting through this together. You’ll see.”

A few days later, Soonyoung called Aviva late in the night, sobbing, confused, saying she wasn’t sure where she was. Because the two of them had agreed to give each other their tracking details as soon as the technology came out, Aviva was able to catch a cab and get to where Soonyoung was.

“We’ve got to get you sobered up a bit,” Aviva thought. “Have you drank any water? Ate anything tonight?” Soonyoung shrugged. Aviva looked around and spotted a late night hole in the wall restaurant. She dragged Soonyoung inside and ordered her some hot food and tea. It was a cramped space, with one of the only two tables taken already.

It took Aviva a minute to recognize the person sitting at the table, hugging a motorcycle helmet against his chest as he glared at the textbook on the table in front of him.

She blinked. “Yoongi-ssi?”

He looked up. “…Bom-ssi, what’s up?”

“Um… I’m trying to get Soonie to sober up,” she answered honestly. Yoongi glanced over at the other table, where Aviva had propped Soonyoung up.

“Yo~” Soonyoung waved wobbly.

“Wait…” Yoongi smiled at her. “You’re Queen, right?”

Aviva looked at her. “Isn’t that your username on some gaming sites?”

Soonyoung grinned a little sheepishly.

“I was thinking of using it as my stage name…” She squinted suspiciously at Yoongi. “But I haven’t told anybody yet—how’d you know?”

“Some of your beats were open on the computer in the studio when I went there one time,” he told her. “It was good stuff, so I kind of asked around about who did it…” He rubbed the back of his neck, and then smiled at her again. “Anyway, I really liked it.��

Soonyoung’s brow furrowed. “You’re l-lying.”

Yoongi shrugged. “Believe what you want. I don’t sugar-coat things.”

“Don’t you?” Soonyoung wondered. “I thought your stage name was Suga.”

He rolled his eyes. “That’s got to do with basketball, it’s not… anyway, you should be careful—if management catches you out drinking…” He glanced at Aviva.

Aviva held her hands up. “I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“And she won’t tell anyone you’re working a part time job against the rules either!” Soonyoung said confidently. “Cause she’s the sweetest person there is, sweeter than sugar.” Soonyoung tried to wrap her arms around Aviva and snuggle her. Aviva made a face.

“You smell. Eat your food, please.”

Soonyoung gave her a small salute.

“…What part time job?” Yoongi said after a minute.

“Aren’t you working here?” Soonyoung said, her voice a little muffled by the food in her mouth. Yoongi shook his head. Soonyoung scoffed. “Then why are you holding a motorcycle helmet with this restaurant’s name on it?” Yoongi froze.

“Yoongi-yah?” The man at the register called out. “Are these your friends? I said you could sit here and study, but I don’t want you bothering customers.”

“He’s not bothering us,” Aviva said, bowing slightly.

“Eh, I’m done anyway,” Soonyoung said, swallowing her last bite of food and washing it down with the tea. “Come on, Avi.” She dragged her outside.

“Wait.” Yoongi came after them. He pointed at Soonyoung. “You’re scarily observant for a drunk person.”

“Gotta be,” Soonyoung told him. “Can’t be a small drunk Asian girl in the middle of the night in Queens if you don’t got your wits about you.”

“Part of that problem would be solved if you didn’t go out drinking so late,” Aviva thought. Soonyoung shrugged.

“I’d still be small and Asian. Nice that doesn’t matter as much here, but now apparently I’ve got an accent and I’m too tan?” She grunted. “Something’s always gotta be going against me, I guess. I’m so tired of this shit, Avi.”

“I know.” Aviva hugged her.

“And you!” Soonyoung pointed at Yoongi. “You’ve got a part time job, you’re in idol training, and you’re studying for your college exams? When do you fucking sleep?”

“Yah, I don’t want to hear that from you,” Yoongi muttered. “I just wanted… promise me neither of you will say anything about this job?”

“I already said we fucking wouldn’t,” Soonyoung reminded him.

Yoongi looked at Aviva.

“We won’t,” she assured him. Yoongi studied her for a moment and then nodded.

“Where do you live?” He asked. Soonyoung squinted at him.

“I can and will beat you up if you start acting creepy.”

He laughed. “I believe that. I just meant I’d drive you back since it’s so late.”

“Three people on a motorcycle?” Aviva said confusedly.

“No.” Yoongi shot her an amused look. “I have access to the delivery van also.”

Aviva hesitated. “I don’t want to get you in trouble with your boss.”

“Should be fine as long as I get it back on time. Take it or leave it.”

“…Okay.” Aviva dipped her head. “Thank you, Yoongi-ssi.” Soonyoung fell asleep on Aviva’s shoulder as Yoongi drove them back. Aviva brushed her hair out of her face, frowning. “I should get my driver’s license… see if I can start saving up for a car. If she’s going to keep going out this late, I’ll need a more reliable way to pick her up.”

“Are you saying I’m not reliable?” Yoongi said lightly. Aviva just sighed.

The next morning Aviva was thinking of sending Namjoon a text when her phone buzzed. She stared down at it. She had Yoongi's number, but the last time he texted was several months ago, to let her know that Hoseok's phone had died and he would be running late to practice.

This morning Yoongi had texted her the name of a driver's ed place, with a discount for a referral.

'thanks!' she texted him back immediately. 'for everything.'

'don't mention it'

Aviva followed up with a text to Namjoon that Yoongi could probably use a little extra support with his studying.

‘I’ll take care of it,’ he told her. Later, Aviva received a text from Hoseok telling her that they’d secretly made lunch for Yoongi. He’d included a picture of the boys crowding around Yoongi, who was rolling his eyes, but also smiling.

Aviva had almost fallen asleep on the couch when she sat up with a start at the sound of the key in the lock. The door opened carefully, Soonyoung nearly tiptoeing. When she saw Aviva, she smiled.

“Hey, sweetie, what are you doing up?” She cooed, slipping off her shoes and then coming to cuddle against her on the couch.

“Waiting for you, duh,” Aviva said, yawning and rubbing at her eyes. “Did you have fun on your night off?”

“Yeah. You would’ve hated it though.” She nuzzled against her neck.

“I can imagine,” Aviva said, squirming at the strong scent of alcohol on her friend’s breath.

“Anyway, I finally did what you suggested. I talked to Chief Youngjin and Bang-PDnim, and ba ba bum!” Soonyoung threw her arms out wide. “Bit Hit has agreed to train me as a producer!”

“What?” Aviva was suddenly wide-awake. “What, but Soon—what about becoming an idol?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it,” Soonyoung said, tapping her nose. “I’ve been thinking about what it is I really wanted from being an idol. I’ve decided that it’s the music that’s the most important thing to me. Preforming would be fun, but I can do just as good working behind the stage as I could on it.” She tilted her head. “Maybe better, even. Anyway, I noticed the production department’s all guys at the moment and that grossed me out so I decided I’d like to even the playing field a little.”

“Well…” Aviva curled more comfortably around her. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Soonyoung said. “And you? Are you happy in the management department, darling? You know I’ve always loved your voice, and you’re not half bad with computers either.”

Aviva laughed. “You’re biased, Soon. My voice is fine for singing in the shower, not for stages and albums. Anyway… I like it in management. There’s some real talent in the trainees, and I want to help see it to fruition.” She frowned. “I’m a bit disappointed I won’t get to manage you like I’ve always imagined, but of course I know you’ll be great at whatever you do, and I respect your choice.”

Soonyoung smiled fondly at her. “You’re too good, Viva. We’re all gonna do great, you’ll see.”

Meanwhile, the rest of the Bangtan lineup was still unsettled. Aviva was busier than ever helping out with the auditions.

#bts #fanfiction #bts world #manager!oc #bts predebut #idolverse #bts fanfiction #min yoongi #bts x oc #my fics #hey you what's your dream

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ddaenghoney · 5 years ago

Text

chapter eighteen

masterlist link in blog description.

As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.

Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N

disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.

Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)

Chapter warning(s): physical confrontation as well as mob mentality in that there’s a small group verbally harassing OC in a scene; nothing gets too severe, but the repetitive badgering could make some uncomfortable. OC speaking her mind a lot.

Word count: 6057

if you enjoy please, please let me know!

On weekdays Namjoon’s cafe is generally flocked with business workers in the early morning. An inconspicuous assortment of people walking in only long enough for a to-go order to be acquired before they whisk back out the doors in their commute. With the constant flow and few amounts of people that sit down to chat and relax, you choose it as the location to meet with the leader of a girl group from SoundWave you were quite fond of.

Through a series of overly polite texts, she requested a chat to catch up, and you have a feeling there’s more to it than that. You stir your coffee with the straw, watching the ice go in a circle over and over, while contemplating what the other thing she wants to discuss is. There’s no reason for her to want to wake up before her schedule just to catch up, especially not when her group will start promotion for a comeback at the beginning of the next month.

You have an inkling of why she’s going out of her way, but a large part of you hopes to be wrong. You want to assume you left the artists you worked with with a better image than the one swarming around in your head due to sensitivity. If you’re wrong, it would make you happier, and if you are right you are not sure how you will take her opinion.

“Y/N,” Your head lifts as a voice comes from beside you. Brightly she smiles, removing sunglasses from her eyes and keeping her beret style hat secure on top of properly styled straight hair.

“Jihyo, it’s good to see you.” You can’t help a warm greeting in return, undeniably glad to see a familiar face that you’ve never had a problem with. If the people around the cafe were not rushing in and out so haphazardly, you would even take the moment to give her a hug, but an accumulation of increased awareness lately, causes you to simply gesture for her to follow along as you take your drink. “My friend’s the owner and said we could use this meeting room to talk.”

“This is the place you always brought drinks from then?” She comments as she walks in your trail, giving a sweet smile to Namjoon as the two of you pass him by.

“Yeah,” You nod your head, using the previously claimed key to open the doors. “His coffee’s my favorite. Maybe I’m biased though.”

“I’ll grab some on the way out. I’ve been missing it since you used to bring it for meetings.”

You fumble needlessly putting the keys securely in your pocket, nodding your head at her words as you switch the lights on. Recalling the people-- generally artists gives you a difficult time rationalizing your decision to walk away from the company. If it weren’t for how you were ignored for credit, you really would not have left. Even with Yerin in charge looming over everyone with her calculative manipulations, you could get over that because the coworkers you saw everyday made it endurable. Comfortable.

“I was actually kind of surprised to hear you wanted to meet up, to be honest with you.” You sit in one of the chairs surrounding the table. You leave your glass on the wood where you’re sure to forget it quickly. Jihyo sits a seat away on the same side, simply dragging it out to angle it towards you. “I doubt I’m a company favorite right now.”

“It’s pretty divided actually.” She admits, brushing back her hair from covering the faintest of smiles. “Empathizing or thinking you’re acting insane.”

You bite your lip. Which side of the line she stands on you’re sure to find out soon.

“No one expected the thing with Min Yoongi either,” She laughs slightly, without joy. Ironically. “Who would think he’d put himself out there like that-- get fired because of those songs.”

She doesn’t look at you as she speaks, so the discomfort slipping into your eyes is never seen. Like you expect from the employees of SoundWave, they all still view Yoongi distantly. Granted, his involvement in releasing music with you is still a shocking thing to consider as reality. Moments occur where you still worry if you’ve ruined something big for him, but his excitement about conceptualizing a new company of his own sets you at ease.

“Are you both dating now?”

You look up from your lap, finding Jihyo’s eyes to be tame and her lips curled in a giddy way. As though the conversation really is two people catching up without a more grand issue looming in the background. Accepting this moment of simplicity, you don’t stop your mouth from smiling in return. Your head nods in small, but quick jerks. Still new to telling, but you enjoy that you’re able to say,

“Yeah, we decided to become a couple almost two weeks ago.”

“That’s really cute.” Her words beam brightly like the little bop of her shoulders, finding this news nice. “He always seemed so hard to approach-- I think because of how popular he is, I guess.” She rambles along as her fingers push straying locks from her face. “Then again, I’m sure you both had things in common… Both of you being producers and songwriters and all that.”

Contrasting her initial endeared temperament, the reminder Jihyo’s final sentence seems to instill in the forefront of her mind causes her voice to drift into a quieter murmur. She stares towards your melting drink, a hand atop her thigh squeezing to cause wrinkles in the denim she wears.

Finding her remaining silent, you do nothing to fill in the gap with words. Instead, your eyes remain on her, realizing that Jihyo likely means to say whatever is pressuring her shoulders. Her mouth opens slowly, a word apparently clinging to her conscious and away from being said, but she manages to shove the thought out entirely,

“Are you going to tell everyone about everything you made at SoundWave?”

Your heartbeat feels like it rumbles for a short moment in your chest as she asks. The expression on your face remains poised, and you’re more surprised with yourself that you aren’t shocked by her question than you anticipated. Its presence in the air resembles, to you, a draft. You wish it wouldn’t be here, but you aren’t frustrated. Simply expected this.

Collecting your condensated glass into your hand, you take a languid sip, mulling over a reply to her. Frankly, you find yourself remaining in limbo on the topic. In some ways you want nothing more than to scream about all of your production in songwriting to everyone, but maybe you didn’t need to.

“It really,” Jihyo’s voice chips her phrasing like she isn’t sure whether to interrupt your processing, but she goes on. “Would be so bad for us-- us idols. We,” She stammers as you place the glass back on the table so casually, missing your furrowing eyebrows confused at her suddenly timid disposition, “We never wanted you or everyone to make everything for us, Y/N. So many of us want to make our own music. We didn’t want to take credit for everything you made-- you know my group especially didn’t.”

Your lips purse into a line, spine straightening slightly as her plead completes. Like your contract with SoundWave, every idol you are positive had clauses they should have reconsidered or questioned. Considering the chance of a lifetime in front of the people like Jihyo obviously they would overlook the idea that they would not produce their own music-- most likely satiated with the idea that after gaining experience they would be able to create as well.

You realize this. Undoubtedly, the majority of idols and groups did not ever want to claim your songs as their own, but had no choice other than to do so. Ever since the feeling of unfairness started springing within yourself to receive credit, this factor has prevented you from blindly going to the press with your story. You don’t want to ruin all of their careers.

“Jihyo,” You begin as your fingers curl atop the table, loosely forming a fist. “I don’t know if I’m going to tell anyone about it. I really want to, honestly, but-”

“You’ll ruin all of us!” Your lips clamp shut as she suddenly bursts out. “Y/N, I know it sucks for you-- I really do; but this isn’t about you. This is everyone’s careers!” Your hand tenses further as she groans, rubbing her face with her hands. “Don’t you know how many all-nighters, how many days-off, how much we-- I’ve given up to make it this far-”

“You’ve given up?” You say like a knife in her sentence. Your eyes narrow as Jihyo looks at you with startled confusion at your interruption, her hands pausing from rubbing her neck. “Jihyo, regardless of if I was involved, your schedule was always going to be that harsh as an idol.” Her mouth peeks open uncertainly, but you speak on, “Do you know how many things I’ve given up too? You’re not the only one who pulls all-nighters, and gives up personal time, but at least when you give it up you get rewarded with people knowing who you are, meanwhile I get to watch them all think all the work I put into everything was something you did-- what all of you get to claim you did.”

“I know, but-”

“You never even stood up for me.” Jihyo’s eyes widen as though she can see the betrayal of your statement-- the unhidden spite firing in your irises. “None of you ever tried to change anything. You say you never wanted to do any of it, but you all aren’t ever going to try and change it, are you? Watching me get shut down each time was answer enough.”

“Why should I have to fight for any change?” She shoves her words out in haste, appearing defensive as her arms cross. “If you hadn’t noticed, it won’t work. We all get our careers thrown away if everyone were to find out.”

“Because it’s wrong!” Your words loudly propel you forward, leaning towards Jihyo in your seat as she shifts back into hers. “You know it’s wrong! You’re all lying to everyone and letting me be the dirty secret of the fucking company and I’m just supposed to accept it? I’m just supposed to start over from nothing all because none of you have any kind of guts to admit that I’m the one who made your chart-toppers!”

Concern runs rampant in Jihyo’s eyes, mouth remaining gaped as you stare at her with even, full breaths heaving in your chest. Clamping her lips together, she glances towards your drink for no reason other than to avoid your lingering eyes that blister every nerve of guilt swarming in her mind. Shoulders tensing when she listens to you scoff, she wills herself to remain silent from timid retorts as you speak up once more in a voice barely louder than the sound of the clock on the wall.

“Why is it that I’m the only one ever asked to suffer in silence?”

Jihyo blinks her eyes tightly together, building a wall out of every ounce of strength to refrain from the hollow apologies that she realizes would do nothing for you. All she can do is stay in her bubble, presented on the stage with her members as the image given to them by SoundWave. The liberty you explain a desire for isn’t something she can take hold of, especially if her group’s reputation is smashed to pieces by what you could say to clear your name.

“Y/N, I know it’s never been fair of anyone to use you like this-- to always erase your name from everything you’ve created.” Her voice drips frailty off of words intended to appear sound with reason. Composure is lost on her and you can see it as she talks without reaffirming eye contact. You acknowledge the weight in her throat likely at odds with what she feels convicted to ask of you as well, and it makes you feel sorry for her. “But SoundWave isn’t going to do this anymore-- they’re going to let us write our own music now and credit properly, so it’s over at least.”

Your heart drops like a weight towards the ground, eyes instinctively narrowing at her words. Within moments you feel a tremble ricochet throughout your shoulders, and when Jihyo finally tests a tiny look in your direction you know your reaction is not the one she wished for.

“What-” You stutter out the words, shocked beyond belief that a switch in the company had been so simply flipped. She’s able to tell you this so lightly as if the decision came with ease following your leave. “I,” A ball in your throat feels made of metal, scraping your words into fury as you speak slowly, “That was all I ever wanted from them, and they do that now. They do that after I quit.”

“Y/N-” You stand up cutting off Jihyo’s statement before it begins. Shaking your head, you let out a single breathy laugh as your hands clench at your sides,

“I can’t believe this.” You mutter and start an exit from the room, ignoring the clattering on wooden floors behind you as Jihyo stands up.

“Wait, where are you going?” She asks without the sound of footsteps under her words, and you don’t care to look back as you reply simply,

“Away from here. I can’t take listening to this crap anymore, Jihyo.”

Without missing a beat, you pull open the door and exit back into the main cafe space. Remnants of the morning rush cause a small line to linger along with busy employees completing their tasks. Namjoon catches sight of you as you walk along, but doesn’t attempt any wave of goodbye as he notes the contortion in your eyebrows as you quickly mash keys on your phone. He only bites his lip and continues filling paper cups full of hot coffee.

You have no hesitation in turning left down the street to walk northwards, but no destination is in mind as you do so. All you do is exhale a sigh to release some of the frustration while the repetition of a dial tone vibrates in your eardrum.

“Hello?” Yoongi’s voice rings clear on the other side of the line along with the clicking tone of a car blinker.

“Hey,” You say in response, crossing your free arm so that your hand can squeeze the opposite elbow. “Were you busy?”

“No, just on the way to pick you up from the cafe actually.” He says easily as you nod your head gently. Walking slowly upwards on the sidewalk you have little time to tell him a new location before Yoongi’s voice gently inquires, “How’d it go?”

“Bad.” You say as the news stings like a dagger in your mind. Huffing, you shake your head, “SoundWave’s going to start letting them all make their own music. Credit properly.”

“What?” Yoongi’s voice sounds baffled and you can imagine his neck tensing rigidly with lips frowning at the implication of your words. You nod your head despite him being unable to see you.

“Right? After all the shit they said about it never being possible for me.” Yoongi listens to the frailty of your words, realizing that this news must hurt you so much to have heard. He bites his lips, hands gripping tighter on the steering wheel as he turns a corner,

“I’m so sorry, angel. I should be there in a few minutes and we can go somewhere to talk about it-”

Yoongi’s voice falters away from your ear due to a swift grip on the back of the arm holding the phone. Instinctively, you pull your arm towards yourself as you take a step away from whoever grabbed you. The sole of your shoe presses flat on the concrete as you turn, facing the face of someone you’ve never seen before in your life.

As words scurry around your head in confusion, you say nothing as you take in the appearance of the girl about your height, then your shoulders tense as movement behind her gives reason to look to another. As your focus collects itself you see more than just the two people, but another onlooker further beyond them as well as a person to your side that startles you as she calls out your name.

“What?” You find yourself responding to her call, another step away from the small semicircle they form around you.

“Why are you using Yoongi-” “You got him fired-” “Use your own talent to get a career-” “I bet you didn’t even do anything on those songs. You just want the clout-”

Between the five people, you can’t distinguish whose words belong to you. Continuing rampantly in bursts of ignorant anger towards you, they simply persist onwards. Without giving you any opportunity to defend yourself, all the voices overwhelm your nervous throat and wildly scanning eyes. You take another step away when one becomes particularly enraged as she speaks loudly and her hand reaches out.

Your hand smacks hers away before it can make contact with your shirt, definitively colliding with her skin to make a loud sound that seems to reverberate throughout the avenue. The quiet ensuing is wholly false, but you find it impossible to actually hear anything from them as their reaction consists of even louder yelling at you. Any lips you take a look at are moving and no one reaches again, but you know they want to force their opinions on you with the fury at which they speak.

And all the words you’re able to visualize assert your disgracefulness. In different ways, with strong enunciations you simply are the target of their blame. Everything they don’t know about behind the scenes of all the trouble you’re finally escaping from, they frustratingly paint you as the perpetuator. The reason that all is wrong. “You’re lying to get attention-”

“None of you even know anything!”

Your voice breaks their flow of thundering rage, silencing them entirely by the brutal and unforgiving confidence of your frustrated exclamation. Just like that they’re startled. The fuel of adrenalin leaves them to course through you as you glare in response to their actions. You reaffirm, “Quit blaming me when you don’t know even a percent of what I do!”

One towards the back of the group glances uncertainly at the others, and the one whose hand you hit away takes a step back. Like they didn’t expect you to speak against them. Your hands clench tightly as you remain erect in posture. Eyeing each of them, you find it almost impossible to stop yourself from blurting out every secret you’re obligated to keep for everyone else except yourself.

“What does that even mean?” A guy pushes the girl at the front of the pack aside, storming in your direction but stopping short of contact as you do nothing to evade him. Instead his shoulders shake from your consistent glare that he felt tense in front of. “You’re causing all the trouble!” He manages to fumble out anyways as he works up the nerve to take another step with his arm rising as well, making you begin to move back.

Before contact ever occurs, his wrist becomes clenched within the hand of Yoongi as he steps in between the two of you. A shiver in your spine nearly shakes your knees to a buckle as the sight of his back shielding you releases a wave of worry building in your head.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Yoongi asks lowly, simply throwing down the arm he took hold of as his eyes freeze the man. Disbelieving calls of his name from the small crowd mumble and gasp, clearly overtaken by just the sight of him. “What were you going to do?”

“Yoongi-” You reach both of your hands to clasp onto one of his biceps as he tries to step closer to them. “Let’s go,” His head shifts to look back at you, dark irises tinted with immense irritation from what he just walked up to. You shake your head as you consider what could go on if you both remain, and your fingertips tremble on his skin.“Please. I don’t want you to do this.”

Yoongi turns towards you, maneuvering his arm as your hands fall away so that he can press a guiding hand to your back. He looks back towards the group as you both only take a few steps. Ignoring the cling of your hand on his chest to continue him along, he speaks up with conviction, “If I find your names, I’ll report this.”

He takes no heed of their instant rebuttals as they call feebly out to the pair of you as you walk along. Instead, Yoongi drops his hand from your back to take hold of yours as he believes you’d prefer. Finding your fingers quickly intertwining with his own, Yoongi sighs, squeezing as the severity of what you leave behind catches up with him.

“Did any of them hurt you?” He asks the moment he enters into the driver’s seat of the car. The door slams beside him and your head shakes as you fumble with the seatbelt to get it latched. “Angel,” He shifts towards you, delicately cupping your cheek as your body freezes in response. “Are you okay?”

Seeing Yoongi’s eyes searching through your own for any of the discomfort you should feel is soothing. His palm warms your skin and in that moment you relish in the sensation despite the heat that remains in the air of early fall. The breath in your chest escapes through your lips, and Yoongi’s thumb twitches worriedly against your cheek.

“Yeah.” You nod slowly, overlapping his larger appendage with your own freely allowing yours to grip softly. “Honestly, I am.”

Yoongi doesn’t completely believe your words, if only because he can’t imagine how terrifying being so arbitrarily surrounded is. He bites his lip, head tilting as though to ask again.

“Nothing really bad happened.” You say shrugging your shoulder, and glancing downwards. “And everything they were mad about is completely stupid-- they shouldn’t have done any of that.” The hand you left atop his own, strays to glide slowly up his wrist and resituated on his forearm, gently guiding him from cupping your cheek so that you can return to holding his hand. “They really don’t know anything.”

“That doesn’t give them the right to act like that, angel.” Yoongi’s hand engulfs yours while he talks, prompting your eyes back up to his. You nod your head, entirely in agreement. The sight causes Yoongi’s brow to furrow slightly.

“Can you drive me to SoundWave?”

“What?” He blurts out on impulse, frowning more from bewilderment than anything else. “What for?”

“I want to talk to Yerin.” You say simply, as the reasonings those people threw at you return to your mind, as well as the worries of Jihyo that brought her to plead with you for the sake of her career, and the voice ripped away from Jimin petrifying him from ever expressing his thoughts to you until it was far too late.

Yoongi’s mouth opens to speak, but he stops from doing so. Your eyes give him the answer before he has to vocalize the question. Instead a small chuckle escapes him more similarly to a grainy breath. “Okay.”

Within the confines of the elevator, Yoongi stares up at the growing number as you both go higher up the building. Between your bodies he starts a tiny sway of your held hands, while he squints in thought before finally speaking,

“Not that I think you’re wrong to go and talk to her, but do you think it’s going to do anything?” He recalls his own efforts of very early on in the merger that subliminally requested a change of his image to represent something closer to himself. Just like the rest of the employees who try to escape the confines of narrowly set paths, Yoongi too was swiftly rejected in few words with only an explanation of there being no need to change something that works.

“Who knows.” You say not realizing until your voice comes out that despite the mellow timbre that there’s a hint of timidness as well. Yerin has always been the greatest shadow in your mind for years now. Someone you’ve never been able to stand across from and feel equal with because of her subdued confidence that showered her veil of control over the entire company. “I don’t think I care if it does anything. I’m just over this.”

“Should I wait out here?” Yoongi asks as you both step out of the opening doors. He ignores the obvious shock in his peripherals from the secretary that likely has no way to gauge how to handle your presence in the room. Everything on Yoongi’s side is practically settled, and you have simply been a former employee for weeks now; not supposed to be returning so high up in the building.

“No,” You squeeze tighter on his hand, turning your head to look up at him as you remain paces from the secretary’s desk. You speak quietly. “I don’t think you’ll have to say anything, but having you there would feel better.” You frown as you think that it may sound selfish to have dragged Yoongi along this far only to tell him he won’t actually do much. “You’re comforting for me…”

“Then I’ll go in with you, sweetie.” Yoongi says before gently pressing a tiny kiss to your temple, as you squeeze his hand bashfully. “I’ll cheer you on-- you can give me inspiration for a diss track-”

“Stop.” You smile, bumping your hip against Yoongi and continue the walk to the desk with him trailing alongside you.

Satisfied slightly that he could at least break away some nerves, Yoongi takes in a larger inhale than usual. Frankly he’s unsure of what you plan to say to Yerin, but considering all of the grief instilled on you so far from her, Yoongi doesn’t doubt it could be definitive. If you find closure from this, then he’ll be content with this choice of a blindsiding meeting, but he can’t help worrying that some emotions could create words inciting angry retribution on the side of SoundWave.

Your collected demeanor as you speak to the secretary, along with the full way you stand with shoulders straight and each leg stood with no slouch gives Yoongi something to relax about. When he thinks about one of the first times he interacted with you, an evident difference in your assurance exists. Where you had bumped into him escaping a meeting room, you’re now choosing to cut into any current schedule to speak to Yerin following the public reaction she’s passively caused.

Steadily, you enter into her office only minutes later, never needing to bother with waiting in a seat. Yoongi follows after you simply standing closer to the door while he watches you stride towards the desk. Yerin sits with relaxed posture, though her eyes go from Yoongi to you with perplexity.

“Should I have the lawyer present for whatever you want to talk to me about?” She asks instead of greeting, letting her forearms rest on the wood before her.

“Doubt it.” You say, not taking a moment in your head to consider where to begin. Everything you would like to exclaim to her flutters violently around, so much so you believe her narrowing eyes to be preparing herself for the eventual explosion. You want nothing more than to get a genuine apology to fall from her lips along with admittance that she was wrong to do everything to you that she has, but your calm heartbeat reminds you of the impossibility of that route.

You know she wouldn’t loosen her stubborn tongue to admit anything of the sorts. You could even assume she has no regrets so far. Watching our reputation’s stature diminish for years is nothing but a casualty in her calculations. Needless to fret about it when the product of your fingers has given so much acclaim to the company. All Yerin’s allowed happen is a choice made to receive the most lucrative result. Whatever happened to you is of little consequence.

“Did you ever think what you did to me was wrong?”

Your question’s candor rings softly in the room. Not timid, but somehow resigned. Almost like a test, Yerin believes as she continues to stare towards you without so much as a waver in emotion from the depth of the question.

“You agreed to it.”

“As a twenty-year-old worried about paying back my college.” You swiftly insert the context, shaking your head so as to not let Yerin detract from the severity of her contract in your life. “You know how much of an incentive working at a company like this would have been to anyone in my position. Any student, or young adult just starting out. You used it against me.”

“You could have walked away.” Yerin reaffirms before sighing as she sits back in her seat. “Considering all of that about yourself back then, what would you expect a company to do for you? That was your chance back then to start in the career you want. Everyone starts small; why would there be an exception for you?”

“You came to me.” You say with an even voice. Yerin’s hand curls on the table, visually reacting slightly. “I submitted songs for a contest, but you came to me with a contract. I didn’t see anyone else getting contracts back then,” You cross your arms and your head tilts with your blunt conclusion. “You saw enough in me to seek out a long-term job, and you didn’t want me to leave when I didn’t re-sign. You can’t try to convince me otherwise of that.”

“Of course I didn’t.” She says with a scoff. “I don’t deny you’re talented-”

“But you denied me from showing everyone else that!” You assert as your arms gesture to emphasize your frustration. “In some ways, I could understand you not giving me credit as a new rookie at this job, but I worked here for five years. I have nothing to show for it anywhere because you wanted me to be stuck here for the rest of my career, and you know what? I probably would’ve stayed for a long time if you would have just given me the damn credit that I deserved!”

Yerin remains quiet as you pause to take a breath and collect yourself from the startling rant. Her jaw tightens along with her fisting hands on the desk and shockingly to you, she averts her gaze to the side. Swallowing down any nerves, you go on without remorse as you attempt to hit every point you can,

“Now I hear you’re going to let the idols produce, and give all the songwriters proper credit. Everything you did to me is going to just be me, huh? You won’t do it again because you know it’s wrong-- you know whoever you trap is going to end up wanting out just like me and you’re not willing to take any chances on this perfect company image getting messed up by some songwriter, isn’t that right?”

“Y/N, I’m not the only person in charge of these decisions. There’s a board. You know that.” Yerin says at a low volume. She still looks from you towards a window overlooking the city that you doubt she’s focusing on. She’s in the wrong. She knows it and you can see her silently admitting it whether she wants to or not. But no responsibility claimed.

“When Jimin, Jihyo, and all the other idols here wouldn’t take my side it was because you’re in charge of the decisions.” You say before scoffing, watching her flinch from the sound and turn to finally face you. “When I come up here to talk to you about it, you say it’s because of the board. It’s always someone else’s fault that I couldn’t be helped. You’re the CEO. If you knew this was wrong, you should’ve said something. It’s your job to look out for the company, but it’s also your job not to be spineless and pass blame around.”

Yerin’s eyes widen at the end of your composed speech. Standing up with intent to challenge your words, she opens her mouth with a glower aiming at you, but freezes as your eyes narrow and you take a step forward to stop just short of her desk,

“I just practically got attacked before I came here because people think I ruined a career just by having my name in the credits of his songs.” You coat your words with convicted resentment. “All of my friends are begging me to stay quiet because their careers could be ruined by me saying I wrote so much of their music. I wouldn’t have to be everyone’s enemy-- I wouldn’t be hated by so many people right now if you hadn’t forced everyone in this company to lie in the first place. Everyone wants me to be quiet right now because all the lying is supposed to stop? I’m supposed to be the scapegoat for this company and be the only one to receive all of the infamy for your unethical crap? That’s not going to happen.”

“What?” Yerin’s voice stutters a shocked response on impulse. Her fingers drag against the wood of the desk, evidently nervous by the implications. “You can’t mention anything about your job here, Y/N. That’s in the agreement.”

“Remove the non-disclosure clause.”

Yerin scoffs in pure disbelief, looking past you to Yoongi as he simply remains a spectator. Clearly unprepared for all that you’ve said thus far, but doing nothing to stop you from continuing. She shakes her head as her eyes come back to you. “I’m not doing that.”

“Then don’t. I’m still telling the press.” You say simply as a shoulder shrugs, and you loosely cross your arm.

“You’ll,” Yerin pauses when she realizes her heartbeats acceleration. “You’ll lose all your royalties. We’ll sue you.”

“Sue me then.” You nod your head once, completely unwavering as you just shrug again. “Really. I’ll just drag the suit out. Let you all show your true colors to the public and then we’ll see if you think it’s worth it to get involved in your fail-safe plan when everyone still realizes how much SoundWave has forced its employees to shut up and lie about.”

The brief wave of silence as you finish feels uplifting on your shoulders. Yerin only looks on at you with indication that she doesn’t know what to say to convince you otherwise. You don’t allow her to dwell, simply dropping your arms from their crossed position over your front.

“You made your choice.” You turn on your heel to start a path towards Yoongi, sparing a glance back towards Yerin as she calls out,

“You shouldn’t do this, Y/N! You’re trying to get back at me, but you’re just going to ruin everyone at this company-”

“I’m not trying to get back at you.” You turn to her as Yoongi opens up the door. “I’m not responsible for this anymore. This isn’t my fault. It was always your fault from the moment you made me sign that contract and never planned to change your ways.”

Without another word spoken you leave the room behind Yoongi, feeling absent of regret and restraint in your throat. As though lighter on your feet you exit the company and with it abandoning all of the fear it has instilled on you for years. No plan of avoidance lingers in your head to save face for the greed of SoundWave’s sake, and even though you’re still unsure of coming days, you don’t feel wrapped in deceit.

Upcoming seasonal winds will begin and you have no doubt the frail veil remaining on your image will drift away into the past as you walk into new days.

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