#like i don't expect them to keep all the muscle bc for most of them their daily activity goes down i am specifically talking about.

[jedaos]

seeing male idols go back on a diet after coming out of the military glowing is my villain origin story btw

[spacelesbiandisaster]

My favorite Headcanons for the Togruta Species

And Shili

And Kiros (Kinda)

Biology

Togruta babies are called Cubs (because I think is a cute word and bc they are aliens after all. Also it translate well to my native language, so when I say Cub I thinking of the word "Filhote" and I'm well aware I probably mixing up translations here).

They live in small groups up to 500 members (but rarely more than that).

Note: I'm saying "small" because our smallest towns have 5.000 member's, but ancient Togruta lived in actual small groups with 50 members or less.

Togruta can grow anxious if they don't have a community around them. Their species were made to live in groups.

Togruta's Montrals are capable of hearing frequencies up to 200000 hz (similar to tigers and bats) and are able of echolocate close objects.

They also have powerful noses and can recognize people from their smell.

Their eyes have a peripheral vision of 200°, that combined with their hearing and flair make them the most powerful predator in Shili.

A adult Togruta eats about 1,5kg of meat every day. Ofc there's alternatives such a rations bars that can lower that amount, but considering they feeding exclusive with meat that's the right amount to maintain themselves health.

Togruta are strict carnivorous (this cannon, but I just want to reassure the idea)

The average height is 1,9 meters for Female and 2,5 meters for Males, counting with their Montrals.

Togruta can easily live up to 90 years, some even got to 120, but they rarely live much more than that. It's a little longer than most humans, but they don't come near Mirialan's lifespan of 250 years or Yoda species that basically turn into living fossils.

Males tend to have longer Montrals while Females have longer Lekkus.

They share 80% of their DNA with Akul (similar with how humans share 90% of our DNA with chimpanzee) what suggest they had a common ancestor.

Their vocal cords can mimic sounds to attract their prey and avert other predators (such as the Akul). Trogruta Cubs were specially good at this and it's not rare see them trying to imitate sounds they find curious or funny. This also means they were very talkative, if a Togruta Cubs is quiet something is terrible wrong.

Because of this trait Togruta are one off the few species capable of learning how to speak Ithorese and Shyriiwook, although their accent is told to be sloppy and child-like.

The muscles on their legs are the strongest on all their body. They were originally a migratory species, so they needed the extra force and speed.

Their gestation period is around 7 months, a little shorter than humans. But their Cubs grow faster and usually start walking around their five mouth after they were born. They development that trait so neither the mother or the Cub stays vulnerable for long.

Togruta skin color have multiple variations, but the more common are: Orange, purple, yellow and dark blue. This colors also appear on the stripes of their Montrals and Lekkus. The flash color scheme serve two purposes: It warn their predators they are a thread (like some snakes do, the vibrant colors usually scares predators away) and it's also a sign of their health.

Health togruta have stronger colors, the more vibrant their color are the more attract they were consider to be.

Togruta are usually monogamous and tend to spend their whole life with a single partner. This whoever is changing due cultural facts, current is not expected to a individual to stick to a single partner but it's a constant event on their community.

Hybrids between other species are rare, however it's uncertain if this is due their biology or they general lack of interest of breeding with other species.

Hybrids between Togruta and Twi'Lek were been recorded although their appearance are highly inconsistent. Usually they keep smaller version of the Montrals and their Lekkus are more similar with the Twi'Lek version, thus stopping growing at a certain length.

It's said they can have hybrids with human and humanoids species (such as, idk, Mirialans), but there isn't enough Togruta in the galaxy making out with humans to know exactly what that would look like.

They change the teeth twice during their lives, one time when they still cubs and another once they hit 60 ~ 70 years. This happens so they can maintain strong teeth for all their lives.

Their canine teeth are sharp ass hell, even more so when they are Cubs. This can be a problem because Togruta bite each other as a form of affection. Also it's not uncommon for them to leave bite marks in visible places on their partners. When other sentient species saw that they thought the marks were from fighting, but turns out it's from the opposite of fighting.

(Note: I saw some other writes with similar headcanons, specially in barrissoka fanfic, and it's cute! But I'm going to make a point here that they can easily kill small animals with their bite, so I get kinda nervous when people make Ahsoka bite Barriss's neck with "all her strength" because that would probably be enough to pierce her skin. So only small bites are allowed here, Barriss doesn't need die like that.)

Togruta's Montrals and Lekkus can turn shriveley if they are raised under stressing ambients. (That's why Ahsoka's Lekkus are so short for her age). Headcanon send by @kayberrie

History/Politics/Culinary

As I mentioned the Togruta were originally a migratory species, that means they used to made camps so they could hunt in certain areas and then move to another region once the resorts became scarce. This whoever changed with time as they learned to cycle their prey with the seasons.

This is a vague example, but during spring and summer they hunt Thimiars (a rodent species from Shili) and other small prey, but as the autumn comes they start to hunt bigger prey so they can store the meat for the winter. During the winter itself they fish. Base on that their villagers are usually construed near river and always with around the forest.

Unlike most of sentient life Togruta are against the domestication of animals, so to this day they still hunt for eat, however all the food (with exception of a few ritualistic hunts) are share with the whole village. So if they can't get food for a while they will start prioritize the children and the elderly while their adults focus on solving the problem.

A exception to that is the domestication of Shilidogs, a species of Tooka (relatives to Lothcats) the Togruta adopt as a companion. The Shilidogs keep pests way from the villages and are very good companions for children. Like a real dog.

Togruta development a way to dry the meat with a space salt (that I don't have a name for yet) so they don't have to throw away the rest of their meal.

Also they when they hunt they make sure to use every single part of the animal and are very against wasting food. The feet of the prey usually is transformed into soup (which they feed the babies and the elderly bc they believe it helps their bones to grow stronger), and the organs are smoked and eaten as a delicacy (god, I hope I used that word right).

As for the actual meat, they cook only with salt but don't you dare think it's blend or without taste! Think about a Brazilian barbecue, that's how it's like.

Once their society started to interact with other planets the Togruta became very close with Wookies and Ithorians mainly because of their ability of speaking Ithorese and Shyriiwook, but also because both of these species also live in forests and share similar values towards dealing with nature.

However their relationship with the Ithorians started pretty rough because when the Togruta first meet the species they believe to be prey animals. Which they kinda are... But this is all put in the past once the Jedi came and solve the misunderstanding.

Because of the Ithorians the Togruta learned how to make the own space ships without destroying their forests.

Because the Jedi help with their relationship with the Ithorians the Togruta respect their order very much and begin to send some of their Cubs to become Jedi.

With their population growth they decide to make a new colonie rather than open the forest to expend their villagers, that's how Kiros was born.

The government of Kiros and Shili are very different. The Togruta of Kiros adopt a lot of the republic politics and build their on government in reference, naming a Chanceller of their own and a senator to represent them to other planets.

Kiros also have big cities rather than the small villagers of Shili.

Talking about Shili government, they usually spread around the planet in small villagers led by a elder council. This villagers are independent but usually live with some level of collaboration, trading goods with each other.

Because they need to deal with other species now they do elect a senator and a small government situated in one of the few big cities they have, but Shili's Togruta couldn't care less about politics and usually let their colony on Kiros deal with all the trouble. If you go to a random village in Shili and ask the name of the senator chances are that most of the people will get it wrong.

Because of this trait most sentient species believe Togruta to be less intelligent, but that's not the case, they just have a different approach to politics.

Kiros is considered a mere extension of Shili, and although they have a more development government they still answers to the people of Shili.

Their economy with the republic are based on the commerce of healing herbs that they collect from their forests. They are far from being the richest being of the galaxy, but they gather enough money to buy the essentials for their survive.

Realistic they don't need much of outside resources anyway because the way they live it's pretty minimalist.

I already mentioned a few misunderstanding others species made while meeting Togruta for the first time, and there was a actual debate if Togruta could be considered a sentient species to begin with, but luckily for them both the Wookies and the Ithorians already faced similar problems and were able to help the Togruta introduce themselves properly to the rest of the galaxy.

Culture

As you problem can see, their society are very close to nature and try the best to not break the balance of the chain by hunting more than they need or building house in animals habitats.

They are usually led by their elder and wiser members, regardless of gender.

Both man and woman engage with all types of chores: Hunting, cleaning, taking care of the children, religion rituals, you name it!

I'm not finished writing their religion yet, but the have a vast pantheon of gods for various realms of adoration. Their most important gods are the a representation of the Sun, the Moon and the death, but I'm not going into details because I don't have any yet.

I mentioned that they don't like throwing away the rest of their prey, so they carve idols, toys and jewelry from the bones and make their clothes from the skin/leather.

Ancient Togruta also used bones to make weapons, nowadays this pieces are used in religious rituals.

Speaking of religion rituals, the hunt of Akul is exclusive made for religion purposes and it's considered a crime to kill a Akul without a reason.

The Togruta are very aware they had a common ancestor with the Akul so that's why they respect the animal so much.

When a child is given to the Jedi they first make a celebration with all the members of their village so everyone can say goodbye properly. It's a joy to have one of their own in the Jedi ranks, but it's also sad to some extent because of how close the communities are. That Cub would probably had live their entire life with them and know that they have to go the village take some time to assimilate that. (So yeah, Ahsoka got a little party with mommy and daddy before Plo take her to the Jedi temple).

Raising cubs is seem as a community work, so it's not rare to leave your kids with the neighbors while hunting or working. Usually is some elder man or woman who stays with the cubs since they can't work as well as they once did.

Some parents make straps bandages in their Cubs Montrals so they can grow in certain patterns. This is especially popular among the Togruta from Kiros and it is a mere esthetic proceed. It doesn't hurt the cub because their Montrals still soft.

They made a holiday to celebrate their friendship with the Ithorians! They invite their alien friend for a three day party as a way to say sorry for trying do hunt them down when they first meet. The Ithorians are a strict vegetarian species, so the Togruta gather exotic fruits to give as a present. The Jedi send represents from both species to act as mediators in case of conflict, but ever since they stated their partnership, hundreds of years ago, they never had any conflict ever again. They truly became best buddies! (And I like the idea of having this alien festival between species that are so different. Let me have my exotic aliens!)

They used theatre to record their history, so instead of books they told teach using their plays. Usually they are full of exaggerated acrobat acts and sometimes songs. Yes, they have musicals!

Their musical instruments are also made of bones and they particular found of flutes.

Kiros is specially connect with all forms of art and their government had imported Togruta plays to all around the galaxy. Their acrobats and singers are praise and recognize as one of the best of the republic. But that's actually why the Zygerian were so interesting on making them slaves on that incident on the Clone Wars.

The children games are usually a sort of exercise to teach them how to hunt, so if you go to one the their villages you problem going to see children "hunting" each other, lefting bite marks everywhere and being absolutely chaotic, but this is considered normal so the adults don't really care. Other species say that Togruta Cubs are usually a nightmare to be around. Their best friends (aka the Ithorians) are still scared of their children.

At some point in ancient history Togruta started to cook theirs meals, but they still eat raw meat on some occasions and specific rituals.

Besides the festival with the Ithorians Togruta have a few holidays they celebrate with their village. They really like a party and even the people of Shili have a special love for the art exhibitions they do during theses events.

That's it for now.

Please feel free to use any of these headcanons if you like them. Also I would love to talk more about them, so you can make comments or ask questions if you have any.

[puer-aurea]

Etho's session 5 trauma

this literally just fanfiction that i felt like writing bc im obsessed w weeping angel etho. all

which, btw, if you decide to read my fic Gods are Obsessive on wattpad when i start postin it (which should be soon? i hope, i just finished the build for Safe Haven so i can move on to the builds for it then start writing) weeping angel etho will be a big thing when it gets to that point

all platonic btw!!

Etho knows he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. Well, he tells everyone he knows. Most of the other players haven't picked up on it, but Cleo and Grian notice the panic in his eyes and his frantic movements to shift into a less compromising position when someone looks in his direction.

Etho knows he's not a weeping angel anymore. But he can't help the anxiety when he feels eyes on him. He prepares for his joints to lock up like the stone statue the watchers made him into for that task. And then, when they don't, he has the shameful moment of rememberance that he passes off with a nervous laugh.

Grian picked up on the panic first, but both him and Cleo noticed how Etho felt embarrassed about forgetting he didn't have to worry anymore. Neither of them chose to mention it, they knew he was dealing with enough shame (though, they wouldn't say it's shame and they're pretty sure the other players would agree).

The other players haven't noticed the aftermath of Etho's task, but they're not around him much anyway.

Cleo always warns him when she's entering a room, subtly reminding he's not a weeping angel. Grian mostly keeps his eyes off Etho, only looking if it's an emergency.

Etho feels bad they have to walk on egg shells around him but he can't help it. Of course the watchers had to give the person who was figuratively stone cold the task that would literally make him stone. And of course it left everlasting effects. This anxiety ridden person wasn't him.

"Hey, Etho?" Cleo's voice came from downstairs.

"What's up?" Etho could hear the creaking of the stairs and he quickly shifted into a comfortable position at the enchanting table.

"Grian's tired after the warden-wither battle and asked for cuddles."

He could feel her eyes on him and he expected his joints to turn to stone.

"Etho, honey, you're not a weeping angel anymore." She places her hand on his shoulder.

He felt his muscles relax and he let out a breath.

"Yeah, I know. You don't have to remind me."

"I'm pretty sure we do." Cleo and Etho jumped at the new voice as Grian rounded the corner.

"Jeez, Grian. Don't scare us like that!" Cleo laughed.

"It wasn't intentional. Well, it might have been. I'm going to Bdubs' bed. Why don't we have any other beds?" Grian walked off into Bdubs room.

"We put all our beds in the bed shrine and didn't think about ourselves." Cleo followed behind him.

Etho watched them walk away, staying by the enchanting table.

"Come on, Etho! I know you're tired after being chased by the warden. The bed's big enough for the three of us." Cleo called for him.

He let out a small laugh and headed into Bdubs' room for a very much needed nap. He'd be dealing with the weeping angel trauma for a while, but at least his roommates and friends were there to help him cope.

why does this feel poorly written? im bad at dialogue

[blubushie]

Hey Blu! I just saw one of your old asks on how the mercs designs are good because they look like normal everyday people you can see out on the streets. And that just reminded me of my favorite tropes in fanfic that I don't see that much in today's TF2 fics which the mercs have an uncanniness to them because of their regular looks. Like I remembered it popped up more often in the fics that where publish when I was in high school. Not complaining bc I just appreciate it more when it pops up. Like there's a ficlet still circulating here where while in jail, before comic 2 happens, Scout basicly beats up most of the inmates in jail for ciggs for Spy. It sets up how intimidating Scout is when an inmate twice Scouts size couldn't even move him and how the inmate was jarring reminded that despite his size, Scout is One of the infamous 9 mercenaries.

Like bc of this trope I developed headcanons that the mercs are actually the closest things to super soldiers bc of 1.) Constant fighting/training 2.) Mad science/experimentation of Medic 3.) Respawn keeping them at near top shape/slow aging. So regular looking guys + intense fighting near daily + mad science/magic + random weird shenanigans that happens to them = an uncanniness and uneasiness around the mercs in public when they move in away /do stuff no average person can do or is expected to do of their appearance.

Sorry if this makes no sense it's 7:14am and I literally JUST woke up, do not expect lucidity from me yet

I love this shit and it features slightly in my fic, both in Jesse's fighting ability but also Mundy's. Primarily it's Mundy's—he gets in more fistfights in the fic than Jesse (though not for her lack of aggression).

I don't think RESPAWN would do much via muscle training—every time they die, any muscle progression is just reset. So the physically strongest of the mercs would be those that don't die often. Heavy, because of his health bar, and maybe Medic, because everyone protects him (and he lugs around the Medigun which must weigh a fucken tonne). This is supported a little by Medic outright lifting Soldier off his feet in Expiration Date.

But there's gotta be some shit they're feeding those cunts if Spy can one-handed fire his stock revolver, a .357 Colt Python; the Big Kill, a S&W Model 29 .44; and the Ambassador, a Dan Wesson PPC .357 (THAT WEIGHS 3.6kg MIND YOU—ALMOST AS MUCH AS MY RIFLE WITHOUT HER SCOPE). This is without mentioning that the Russian translation of the Sniper VS Spy update states that the Ambassador actually fires .50AE like it's a fucken Deagle. Spy's grip strength must be INSANE.

Mostly though I reckon it's mental fortitude over physical. Believe me, you train harder in combat situations than ACTUAL training scenarios because trauma makes shit stick in your brain better. You learn lessons when there's risk better than when there's no risk involved. And with often the mercs die and engage each other physically, I'm fully on the boat of "they look normal, but they're not".

The freakier is that I think they actually blend very well into public environments. Sometimes Sniper walks to the shops in SST minus the thongs and looks like any other bloke off the street you'd see at a servo. Sometimes Scout goes in to the local diner for their all-you-can-eat chicken and waffles deal. Sometimes Engie visits the local tack shop "just for a look around", Soldier and Demo go fishing together, Medic goes to the pharmacy and looking at any of them you'd never suspect a thing.

They all have an almost uncanny ability to look like they entirely belong whereever they are and blend into their environment, so really the only time you even get a hint that they aren't your average person is when there's a situation where they need to showcase their skills. Scout catches a flyball while walking past the local baseball field practically without looking and tosses it back. Soldier can jump down stairs while in a rush and stick the landing with no injury. Demo recognises the sulphur of a gas leak before anyone else can smell it. Spy can lift things his scrawny frame shouldn't be able to lift, Engie can notice any shimmer or shiny thing regardless how small, Sniper has a hawk's eyes and can pick out movement from a half a click away in the dark where other people just see black.

Their jobs have made them very effective professionals—it's a pity the general public so rarely gets to see it.

[fic-recommended]

Shyan Fics

more to be added, if I feel like adding

—————————————

I’ll Crawl Home – carrieonfighting

(16,024 words / 6 chapters / Teen and up)

Tags: Demon!Shane, Angst, Non-Linear Narrative, bc im PRETENTIOUS, Protective!Shane

"Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him."

Wow. That’s all I gotta say. I started reading Shane/Ryan fic because I had a weird dream and went looking for comfort fic to ease the edges of my mind. I stumbled upon this fic and was so fucking blown away. I was drawn in because of the demon!Shane tag and the way this story is charted out is insane. It’s nonlinear (there is a liner version tho I’m strongly against it). Just ohmygod read this fic it’s insane and hurts so good.

I’m Gonna Keep You in Love with Me (for a While) – beethechange

(21,847 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: fake married, also real married, friends to husbands to lovers to ???, Las Vegas Wedding, possible dubious consent due to alcohol consumption, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Rimming, just assume most of the kinds of sex are present here, probably more Celine Dion than you were hoping for, they say "fuck" a lot, also "dude" but I don't make the rules okay, Bedsharing

Shane is pacing around the hotel room. It’s not a huge room and Shane’s legs are long enough that he doesn’t have much real estate to pace before he has to swing back around for another loop.

“Can you stop?” Ryan asks. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Okay,” Shane says finally. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re just going to—we’re going to be married. The only way out is through.”

“Um,” Ryan says, because this plan strikes him as counterproductive to their shared goal of not being married.

To me there are the big two when thinking of Shane/Ryan fics. That is to say the others aren’t amazing but two gutted me in a way I was not expecting from I ship I don’t even ship. This is one of the two and fucks sake it hurts me but in a way I really like and neeeeeded. (The other is the one above this)

Muscles Better and Nerves More – beethechange

(26,301 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Bodyswap, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, First Time, Pining, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Body Horror, Rituals, Swearing, Sexy Shame

“I’m serious,” Ryan says. “Don’t go fucking up my body. I want that shit back in the same condition I left it.”

“The same condition—Ryan. I’m not spending hours in a gym every day so you don’t lose muscle mass.”

“I want you to treat my body with the respect you would a national park. Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories.”

***

A certain meddling Voodoo Queen of New Orleans thinks Ryan and Shane need some new perspective on life. After an inadvisable ritual deposits Ryan in Shane’s body, and Shane in Ryan’s, the ghoulboys pursue some soul-searching and self-discovery to put things right. Sometimes in a sexy way.

I have found out while reading this fic that I am also a sucker for bodyswap!au. Something about learning to love someone completely while seeing (and being lmao) all of them is so intimate and endearing to me. Plus there’s dumplings in this fic and that is just sweet sweet poetry.

If you can find a way to love me, it’s all right – varnes

(11,232 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Psychic Ryan

When Ryan was a kid, he fell into a pile of bricks. They were playing hide and seek, and he thought he had the best hiding spot: high up in a thickly lush tree, his knees drawn to his chest so that he’d blend in. But the branch broke. He hit his head and doesn’t remember much of what happened after that. When he woke up a few hours later, the sun was setting, and his friends were gone, and his parents were calling for him, their flashlights swinging across the grass. There’d been blood on his bangs.

Anyway, now he can see ghosts.

Kind of.

Look, he’s not great at it.

--

Or: Ryan, personally, has three lists: “NICE GHOSTS,” “GHOSTS I DON’T FUCK WITH,” and, “IDK, SPOOKY STUFF.”

Oh my goddddd this fic is so sweet and so owie. At first I was skeptical because the fanon is that Shane can see demons or ghosts or whatever. But having it be Ryan???? So owie in such a good way. Other then this fic being the masterpiece that it is, I’m going to convince you with one sentence: Ryan has a cat with a ghost in it that demands Taco Bell. That’s it baybee. Read it or you’ll regret itttt.

BFFS Get Married For A Week – Ryan and Shane – aspookycryptidsock

(18,108 words / 8 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Pining, Mutual Pining

"As I was saying," Curly continues with a pointed glare in Ryan's direction. "It's my honor to join the two of you in unholy matrimony. The rules are simple, you'll live together, plan one date each, and cherish each other. Til week do you part."

I first read this fic years and years ago. I don’t know how it happened but me and my best friend found it while being at a library and we went feral reading it before their mom picked us up. It’s my origin story to the ship. This fic is my first love and my baby gorl. Shane is intense in a way I lovelovelove. Ryan is dumber then a pile a bricks amen.

Body Farming – shiphitsthefan

(7,251 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Season/Series 04, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Shane Madej, Protective Shane Madej, Omega Ryan Bergara, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mutual Pining, Scenting, Multiple Orgasms, Knotting, Daddy Kink, Size Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Filth with Feelings, Community: bfukinkmeme, Multisex Omega

Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Your honor I’d like to state my case by saying being horny on main is bc I’m silly goofy and I never meant no harm. ABO fuck or die in a cave? Fuccck kkkk y e aaaa

Por Favor, Sweetheart – carrieonfighting

(7,859 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Kid Fic, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Accidental Baby Acquisition, ryan dadgara, and shane dadej, Original Baby Character - Freeform, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You Have Been Warned

Two dorks raise a baby and don't even realise they're doing it together until it's too late

Alternatively, Ryan Bergara is Trying His Best Thanks

Ryan gains custody of a baby and is strugggglinnnggg until a Sasquatch comes and helps <3. Ain’t nothing says romance baybeee then an actual baby.

daring it’s a faded notion – varnes

(28,760 words / 5 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Paranormal shenanigans, y'all remember that trope where people can't be more than 5 feet apart without Suffering?

The sun is too bright and Ryan’s whole body is alight with something that is eating him all the way up from the inside out, but he keeps his eyes open and he makes himself look, and he tells himself that once he finds Shane, he’ll think about it. Once he finds Shane, they’ll make a plan. Once he finds Shane, and only then, he’ll let himself have the thought he’s been swallowing down like bile since he came to: that they didn’t fall.

They were pushed.

OR: Ryan and Shane get cursed by a ghost, and now they can't be not-touching. It's ... not great.

Ghosties don’t like the no homo and said ummm yeeeeet!!! Into the Grand Canyon then the ghoul boys kiss???? Makes me go hubba hubba

Collide - needywitch

(35,310 words / 2 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Pining, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Biting, First Time, Dirty Talk, Love Confessions, Rough Sex, Shane Madej Has a Big Dick

Ryan is desperately in love with his best friend.

Owieeeeeee. This one made me cryyyy. The prose of this fic along with a healthy usage of the word jaunty made this fic deeply emotional as well as made me want to cry when they kissed. Very excellent

A Perfect Piece of Ass, Like Every Californian - beethechange

(25,706 words / 3 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: entirely self-indulgent PWP, smut with feelings, Threesome, Birthday Sex, Oral Sex, lotta ball stuff here folks, so i hope you like balls, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Sexy Air Traffic Conducting, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism

“Happy birthday, Shane,” Sara says. “I got you a Ryan.”

“Th—thanks?” Shane says. He looks at Ryan and Ryan just looks back, weirdly impassive, giving nothing away. “But I’m pretty sure I already have a Ryan in this model. What’s the return policy?”

“Not like this, you don’t,” she says, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Out of the corner of his eye Shane can see Ryan bring his hand to his mouth, stifling a snicker that he turns into a cough. Oh, he thinks.

Oh shit.

I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that this fic is morally correct but Shane/Sara/Ryan fic is what I needed and it blew me away and it is the best smut thank you goodnight

[aria-ashryver]

yooooo im SO tired, have a health update 💞

(which was going to be another video update but then a bird came and i got distracted and now im too tired to speak lol. also WOW imagine being so pale you create your own god rays slkdjf)

so, ive been feeling like hot garbage for some time, which is perhaps not surprising with the whole "was poisoned via chemo for a year, is still recovering" thing. Recently my heart has been feeling Not Good TM, and the fatigue waves are getting pretty extreme at times.

So, I followed this up with my doctor, very much expecting it to be a case of "no you're just out of shape / your asthma is playing up / you're just being super lazy, try harder, etc". He booked me a specialised heart test which I had last week.

Uhhh apparently I wasn't just being pathetic! (Which is somewhat gratifying to know that there is a reason things have been so hard lately and it's not just in my head)

There is a thing called your Ejection Fraction, which is essentially a measure of how much oxygenated blood your heart is pumping around your body -- its the factor that keeps you feeling energised.

Mine has dropped. Fairly significantly. When I had the same heart scan in October, mid-way through chemo, I was still retaining a lot of my heart health and muscle mass from when i was pre-chemo, so my EF was sitting at about 80. Which is a sign I was initially quite physically fit (or, to quote my oncologist: "giiiiirl, you a Boston Marathon runner or what?)

Since my last scan, my EF has dropped to 58. Which is still actually higher than average, most people sit at about 55, so I've dropped to an average range lol.

My heart is working, but such a significant jump is still cause for concern. My oncologist said that if I had been less young and fit, it would have been a case of dropping from 55 to somewhere in the 30s, to which he said "you'd struggle to even walk down that corridor at that point."

At this stage, I have a (hopefully reversible!) cardiomyopathy. Unfortunately, reduced heart and lung function can be complications of the two immune therapy drugs I am taking to prevent my cancer from coming back. So the current course of action is to put my immune therapy treatments on hold for 9 weeks to let my heart recover.

Yes, that is a tad spooky, but the drugs have a very long half-life, so I should be okay not taking them for that short period. On the plus side, this should hopefully improve my overall quality of life while my heart heals, and a break from immune therapy will be really nice anyway, because that shit hurts lmao.

Otherwise, the metastatic cancer in my spine and my hips remains stable and is still showing signs of healing because I am AWESOME AND COOL. Oh, and I also had a massive internal lesion (a chemo complication I never mentioned here bc like... if I told you guys every little thing that's wrong with me, we'd be here all day lmao) but that is now healing on its own too!! Woo!

So... ye. Gonna have a nap, knowing that medically my heart is broken and I have yet another reason to take it easy now haha.

Send me lots of "oi don't get cancer again in the next 9 weeks you absolute nugget" type vibes. I don't think I will, I'm not worried, but yk yk vibes are nice 🥰💝💖💓💕🩷💞 if you are still reading, I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

[francis-writes]

Hello! Can I request headcanons of Alex DeLarge with a shy and chubby girlfriend? Can be sfw and/or nsfw. Thank you! <3

Warnings: Alex being Alex

SFW

Alex doesn't care about look that much. I mean, he likes to dress up and he likes pretty things but in general, for him body is a body. He likes women, men, nonbinary folks, skinny, chubby, muscled, tall, short, etc etc

Because of it you may think that you're less special but nah. Alex looked at all the people and he was "i want that one. This cute pie"

There might be problems bc of your different personalities, because while he enjoys once in a while to stay with you at home and watch movies, most of the times Alex tries to pull you out of your shell. Maybe not full ultraviolence and visiting poor citizens but taking you to the bar with his droogies or taking you for a ride

As we're talking about droogies, Alex likes to say dirty comments when you're with them, and he also doesn't keep his hands to himself. And - that actually happens when your not around- you can expect that drogies know secrets of your intimate life.

On a positive side, he makes sure you don't get into EDs or if you're currently fighting one - he supports you and tries to help you get out of it

He likes to get you on dates in town and spoil you rotten (don't ask him how he got the money). Buying you new clothes, taking you to the cinema, theatre, whatever you want, you get it. And some more. Alex may not be the best at emotions, but he covers it playing stereotypical best-boyfriend-ever

Also, his ideas of dating (dating, not one night stands which is a completely different scenario from him) probably comes mostly from old movies so if you want to know how it's like, just picture dating 50s gentleman (with a glimpse of madness behind his eyes)

NSFW

I know it's totally clichè but he wants you to sit on his face and squeeze it with your thighs

He always liked to talk dirty, but it turns him on ever more when he sees you blushing and embarassed

If you are shy in bedroom as well, Alex will probably try to change it. Well, your shyness itself he finds cute, but he will encourage you to try more positions and some of his kinks

In terms of kinks, it would be easier to tell what kink he doesn't have, but it's mostly bdsm, especially bondage, spanking, humiliation and praising (him). connected - cnc. Old habits die hard so he will be even more turned on when you wiggle and scream and try to escape from him

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

oh sHIT I FORGOT TO POST THIS EARLIER i had an idea for an epilogue scene to an au I haven't written yet and I needed @jaynesilver to see it so I typed it as a warm up for once which i NEVER DO but because it's typed you all get to see it too!!

all you need to know if kylo is a beauty youtuber at abt jeffree star's peak fame levels and Hux is a guy with an engineering job who also streams stardew valley speedruns as a hobby and they're very in love at the end of the fic (that again I haven't written yet)

ANYWAY have 1.6K of beauty blogger au under the cut, I'm gonna keep it out of the main tag bc It's not for a current au and I don't wanna clog it up

Armitage doesn’t read Chat while he’s in the mines, with the small exception of checking to make sure he hasn’t missed a ladder. Most of his viewers are used to this. When the first good luck day of a run comes along, and he makes the loop for foregables around the map, when he skips several cutscenes using exploits and puts years of animation-canceling muscle memory into his keystrokes, Chat dies down, mostly talking amongst themselves. 

Commentary is easier; he can talk and click, talk and type, talk and debate using a cherry bomb on a group of copper ore to save himself a few seconds. 

“I’ll save it,” he tells Chat, shifting in his chair. “If I can use it on iron later, it’ll save even more time.”

This run is going well, so far. It’s his third reset of the stream, but Armitage already has all the copper he’ll need for basic sprinklers and he’s almost through the dark levels. Huffing under his breath, Armitage imagines explaining any of this to his coworkers, can already see the glazed-over look in their eyes. He’s familiar with how they stop paying attention when Armitage talks about his hobby. Gaming, they can understand. Replaying the same niche farming simulator over and over to get the fastest time on a silly leader board? More of a stretch? Do that for strangers on the internet to watch as they pay him money? A step too far. Most of them don’t know what Twitch is, let alone understand why anyone would watch it. 

Kylo shifts in his chair on the other side of the room; it’s quiet enough that Armitage can’t hear it over his headphones, so he doubts the microphone picked it up, but the movement catches his eye. This is their first time having him in the room as Armitage streams. He’s editing, an oversized t-shirt hanging off his shoulder, and Armitage wishes there was time to have more thoughts about that, but he gets one last ladder and moves on to the iron floors. 

“I’m suspicious of how well this run is going,” Armitage says, eyes darting to his second monitor as he works his way through dust sprites. “I’m good at the mines, but I’m saving this seed to see if I can work out a perfection run from it.” 

It’s as he’s reading through other people agreeing that this level of luck is unusual, including a stranger accusing him of using mods as if Armitage would dare bother to cheat instead of just ‘getting good,’ as the kids say. 

BornToSlay: what’s ur skincare routine jesus

The huff of laughter is involuntary; he upgraded his web camera at Kylo’s request, and now it feels like his every fucking pore is captured and streamed. He’s gotten a few comments about it, but beyond technical questions and a single curious person asking why he upgraded, something Armitage lied about, the new image quality has gone unnoticed. Because he’s a good mod, Mitaka has already messaged him that the same user asked about Kylo earlier, and Armitage just missed it. 

They expected this, and they were prepared for this. Kylo’s channel has millions of subscribers on YouTube, he’s arguably a D-List celebrity at this point. Armitage speed runs Stardew Valley as a hobby. They’re operating on different levels of internet fame in different niches, but people have been curious, and some of those people are bound to stop in and watch him break rocks for fifteen minutes while hoping for a bounty of cave carrots. 

Still. Most of them have dropped in, decided his content wasn’t for them, and gone away. Apparently, this user has stuck around for a few streams, and Kylo said it was up to Armitage how much or little they interacted. He’s right there, and the run is going well enough he can afford to waste a few seconds entertaining this line of questioning. 

“My skincare routine is whatever Kylo forces me to do, now,” Armitage says, popping his headphones around his neck. “Kylo?”

When he looks over, Kylo is editing; he’s just also got Armitage’s stream up on his second monitor. He doesn’t bother to pretend he was working when he looks at Armitage, turning in his chair. 

“Someone wants to know what my skincare routine is, and I doubt you trust me to explain it properly.” 

Kylo laughs, and when he stands, Armitage can finally read the text on his shirt, and - Jesus, he’s wearing Armitage’s merch, they’re never going to hear the end of this. He can already see the stream compilations, and Armitage thinks he’s wearing Kylo’s sweater. 

Armitage finally uses the cherry bomb on a chuck on iron and Kylo settles behind him, his chin resting on Armitage’s head and his arms around Armitage’s shoulders. 

“It’s not consistent,” Kylo says, looking at the camera. Armitage can see him in the Streamlabs window, a lazy face of makeup and his hair piled on his head in a messy bun. He looks fantastic, which is to be expected when his entire internet presence revolves around beauty, but Armitage will never get tired of looking at him. Kylo keeps talking, but Armitage tunes him out, focuses on hitting floor forty, getting seven more iron, and then passing out so he can start building furnaces. 

Chat has started speeding up; Armitage doesn’t even have to ask Mitaka to turn on slow mode so Kylo can read anything, he just already does it. Kylo doesn’t have his contacts in, so he shifts his glasses up his nose to read the screen. 

“They want to know if I ever put makeup on you,” he says, and as Armitage makes his way into town to buy seeds from Pierre, he huffs. 

“I’m wearing makeup now,” he mutters, and he knows the mic will pick it up clearly, but he almost wishes it could be an aside. “I’ve been wearing makeup from streams since my first few months. Someone wouldn’t stop talking about my freckles, so I bought some shitty foundation at the grocery store so I wouldn’t have to ban the word.”

Kylo laughs, and Armitage can feel him look down, can feel his thumb drawing circles on his chest. 

EmilysWife: Beauty icon Hux PierreSucks: omg is that how you met

Now it’s Armitage’s turn to laugh. In the few weeks since someone recognized him out with Kylo, the few weeks since Armitage tweeted to confirm that was him, that he wasn’t Kylo’s assistant, it hasn’t come up how they met. They’ve not talked about keeping it a secret, although perhaps Armitage would like some parts of their relationship to stay between just them. 

This seems harmless enough, though. 

“Kylo tells this story better,” Armitage insists, because he loves Kylo, but he’s also cruel. Kylo’s breath is warm against his skin as he hides his face in Armitage’s neck. “Would you like to tell Chat how we met?”

“No...” The words are groaned, drawn out, a tone that perfectly conveys both Kylo’s embarrassment and his willingness to share. He stands up straight, and Armitage misses the press of his body, but he can hear the shuffle of his shirt, can see the chat as his absolutely ancient merch is on display, the screen printing cracked and faded from wear and hundreds of washes. “I was a fan.” 

“That’s shorting them the full story.” Armitage’s tone is teasing as he sleeps, wakes up, loads his furnaces and waters his crops. It’s a cycle of days he could do with muscle memory alone, has done blindfolded for a video on YouTube. “Phasma is a friend of mine, and when she did a video with Kylo, they had to pick up something she left at my house. What were your first words to me, Kylo?” From his spot hiding again, Kylo’s words are muffled. “I’ll tell them, then. He said, and I quote: ‘You talk me to sleep every night.’ That, Chat, was his opening line.” 

Kylo’s head pops up, and Armitage can see his pout on the screen, his playful glare. 

“It worked.” 

Armitage laughs. 

“After seven attempts to make yourself not sound like a stalker, I suppose it did work. Or, alternatively, I didn’t know you were hitting on me until we were on our third date.” Armitage could sound sad here, but he decides against it. He hadn’t been able to imagine a world where Kylo found him attractive. It never occurred to him that Kylo might be interested, so he lusted in quiet, alone at night with his own hand. “I still maintain that those dates don’t count, since I was unaware they were dates.” Kylo’s acrylics dig into his shoulders, and Armitage hisses in mock pain, as if Kylo’s nails aren’t rounded at the tip. “Don’t put holes in your own sweater, idiot.”

Though he attempts to fake angry, the last word comes out soft and fond as he looks up, doing his best to forget they’re on camera for a moment, to forget that he’s streaming this live and that he’ll be hearing about this for weeks. Phasma has already messaged him on Discord; Armitage will deal with her after the stream. 

The press of lips on his cheek is welcome, the loss of Kylo’s warmth less so. He waves to the web camera one last time before heading back to his own desk, putting on his headphones. Half of Chat is talking about his insane luck and all the pumpkins he’s going to plant while the other half still can’t quite believe Kylo was there, and is speculating how many streams he’s been just in the background of. Armitage won’t answer that; he doesn’t want to encourage them to ask for Kylo every stream, though he imagines they will anyway, now that the flood gate has opened. 

KyloAmidala: I normally just watch from the other room, though now I have to settle for replays if my sleep schedule is messed up. 

Armitage can hear Kylo snickering even as he puts his headphones back on.

[youremyheaven]

i'm a different anon but girl, i'm so sorry that happened to you. i had the same first time experience as you and i wholeheartedly agree w/ your advice. don't sleep w someone just to not be a virgin bc being one isn't even a bad thing & it's infinitely better than having to heal from such an intimate form of assault especially when it's the only sexual experience you know. personally i'm still healing from it & it seems like it will just last forever. if you don't mind me asking since i know it's a sensitive topic, is there anything in particular that has helped you heal? i'm sending you a lot of warmth & love ❤️🫂

hi love<3

thank you, i appreciate it <3 and im sending u the same love and healing✨

in some ways i am still healing from that experience even though it was almost a decade ago. more than the memory of it, its the physical and emotional repercussions it had on me that were challenging to navigate, for a long time after that i thought i was asexual, lost my libido, lost touch with my femininity and compounded by many other abusive experiences made me avoid the mirror entirely.

for me what truly changed my whole life was yoga and meditation. specifically yin yoga, women carry a lot of tension in their hips and practicing yin yoga (there are many yin yoga, hip release flow type guided videos on YT if you search for them!!) helped my body feel so loose and fluid and relaxed?? i didnt know how stressed my muscles were until i realized what true relaxation felt like. i remember those initial days of practice, i felt such a profound emotional release as well, like a weight was leaving my chest. relearning sensuality, feeling comfortable in embodying it and reframing sex and my perspective towards it has been a slow journey and some of it is easier than others. but i am doing sooo much better than i was before. meditation also really helped me feel more safe and comfortable in my body and not feel like i had to always be on the lookout for danger or assess other people's intentions. keep in mind, these are not things you can expect overnight changes from. you have to be patient and disciplined and just do it without any expectation. eventually it gets easier. also it keeps you more in tune with your body and intuition and helps with knowing what situations or people to avoid.

i have also been practicing tantric meditation and it has also helped me immensely but i think you should approach tantra after you've reached a point of healing and peace bc tantra can awaken some powerful energies and it can be a lot to handle.

taking care of myself has also helped me. its so funny how when i was struggling with my ed, body dysmorphia and numerous other issues, i did nothing to make myself feel good bc i didnt think i deserved it but by doing things (it can be as simple as applying lotion after a shower, whatever self care habits that make you feel good about yourself!!) that make me feel good, i feel good??? its like those people who say 'omg im so lazy i cant do the dishes' but the truth is you feel lazy bc you havent done the dishes so if you do the dishes you wont feel lazy. i hope this weird analogy makes sense lol. basically do things that feel good and you will feel good, it sounds really basic and almost stupid but i feel like most people wait until they've "earned" it or are "worthy" but the truth is doing it is what will make you feel like you deserve it, if u catch my drift.

anywaaayyys thats all, <333

[daz4i]

wait okay. instead of going to sleep like a normal person. here's how I'd change the ages in bsd (for those that have a canon age), bc no one looks their age/it makes the timeline feel weird, i wanna let at least some major past events breathe a little between one another. possibly controversial takes ahead:

atsushi: i like that he's 18 actually. he looks and feels 16 but no yeah 18 works better. I'd say 20-21 would be nice but that'd reallyyyy throw his backstory's timing off unfortunately

dazai: 25

kunikida: around 27-28

ranpo: 28 also, maybe even 29 (his whole thing is that he looks young for his age anyway)

yosano: 28 as well

tanizaki: like. he does look 18. but also 16 and 21 at the same time. i like him as a bit older than atsushi so let's say 19-20, and naomi as well while we're at it

kenji: why is he 14. it's not that he doesn't look 14 it's that i simply did not expect a child to be the muscle in a detective agency. so please make him like at least 16 which is only just slightly better tbh

kyouka: yeah 14 is chill in her case imo. makes her more tragic 👍

katai: 27-29ish as well

fukuzawa: at least in his 50s. maybe 55ish, or even more. he def looks like it and it fits more with having a son in his 20s

akutagawa: i do want him to be older. but making his age gap with atsushi bigger is weird. so keeping him as a 20 y/o it is, maybe 21 at most

chuuya: 25

kouyou: 30s. early 40s even. she is already so milf coded. finding out she's 26 in canon was straight up offensive i swear. come on.

higuchi: 21

tachihara: 22 or 23 maybe? (the hunting dogs don't have canon ages but i like jouno and tecchou as 26ish so that way he's still like the baby of the group)

hirotsu: how is that man 50. make him 65 at least. jfc. the whole point is he's been with the mafia a long time. ik they keep recruiting teenagers for some reason but give me a break. my dad is pushing 70 and looks younger than him

q: actually my issue with them isn't that they don't look their age (tho they do look a bit younger ig) but that timeline wise?? they're so weird?? why did the mafia have a 6 y/o on deck that's just inconvenient for all parties involved. like i can excuse kyouka at 11ish but come ON. at least make them 10 in fifteen. or just bring them in later bc i just realized the timeline doesn't line up with the dazai and chuuya changes otherwise. man idk

odasaku: girl that man was NOT 23 when he died he should've been like at least 27 then

mori: late 40s or early 50s. keep the few years gap from fukuzawa maybe but he should still be older

ango: 29ish in the current timeline. or even 32. idk why but that number feels right.

francis: 45 at least. how is a 32 y/o man supposed to have a daughter old enough to study abroad...

poe: 29

melville: actually he is the only one aged correctly in this entire manga. bestie 🔥🔥🔥🔥

steinbeck: 24. maybe even older

lucy: 20-21ish. same issue as akutagawa really

louisa: 25 at least please 🙏

nathaniel: 34 maybe.

margaret: also early 30s. how the fuck is she 20. like kouyou this is straight up insulting 😭

mark: ageless for he is the spirit of youth and joy (yeah 22 is chill for him actually. he's like the taylor swift song. he'd love that)

mushitaro: tbh I'd make him more around 29 or even older than 30. like he would be a believable 35 y/o to me if needed.

nikolai: actually him being 26 is chill too. tho i wouldn't mind making him around 28-29ish too since i already aged up most 26 y/os so may as well go all the way.

shibusawa: yeah he can stay 29 too idm. i actually didn't know he had a canon age until now. cool!

i think that's everyone who has a canon age (excluding lns bc i haven't gotten to them yet)? aside from sigma maybe but his age is more of a plot device than a fun fact. and fukuchi is implied to be the same age as fukuzawa so, yeah just make them the same in this case too.

i did mess up the timeline myself with this. so lemme clear it up:

The War and the whole thing with mori and yosano still happened when she was 11, so 17 years before canon. that means mori was still in his 20s back then, no big change

untold origins still happened when ranpo was in his teens, honestly we can keep it 14, so 14 years ago, meaning fukuzawa was in his late 30 or early 40s. again not too big of a change I'd say

fifteen happens when. well. dazai and chuuya are 15. ten years ago. i don't want q there get them out of my sight (for now) let them be a kid for a bit!!!!! but yeah like in canon that means the previous boss's murder was a year before, 11 years ago. also while we're at it, stormbringer is also the same aka a year after 15

now this is where we shake things up just a bit. rather than occuring when dazai is 18, i think we can push the dark era to when he's 20 and still maintain the whole childlike thing he has going on there, it's not that big of a difference imo.

that means, 5 years before canon instead of 4, making akutagawa 15 back then, and ango 27 like odasaku.

also yeah q comes in at some point in the middle between those^ I'd say close to dark era than fifteen.

originally i wanted to make skk 26 but this started stretching things even more. bc now we gotta figure out how long dazai spent in hiding. and ig we can keep it 2 years and just make it so his entrance exam was 3 years before canon. again imo not that big of a stretch 🤔

idk why i said this changes the timeline a lot i think this is p simple. also lets ppl stew in their situation for just a bit longer which i like more.

thank you for reading. you are very brave and strong for pulling through. feel free to disagree with my takes but just be nice about it please. I'm also open to hearing other takes if you have any that i didn't consider 🫡 but again just be nice okay?? 🥹

[vlovebug]

yes, another hcs page I'm sorry I just can't stop 😥

beware grammar mistakes ╯︿╰

val alone hc:

he gets bitchy when someone tells him what to do

he can tell a medical emergency is going to happen (serves dog behavior)

he carries things that may help someone with a disability but never medications that need to be prescribed by a doctor ofc (pots, diabetes, seizures, etc.)

he has medical knowledge ( why do i keep bringing this one up)

likes to sharpen his nails

has knifes in his shoes ( why? idk)

sometimes he talks and just can't stop (real)

sometimes talking takes too much energy ( real)

he's a bit sadistic ( only if it's asked of him)

he expects rough touches after soft ones

he shares the most gruesome facts ever ( best ways to get to the heart, how to gut someone or something, etc.) (he and spelldon work well for each other for a reason)

bc we don't know his dad, I'm saying he never existed ( gift from Eros or just pop in his mom's womb one day) ( holy mary that you?)

he's a great hunter ( bat)

I feel like if a kid likes him he lets them hang off of him

he doesn't bite when he's a bat, it's more like making a paper cut with his nails and drinking from it.

human children scare him, they're just so fucking mean T_T

he has a blanket hoodie that covers 70% of his body ( they're so comfy)

his body takes on the temperature of the climate around him ( dead bodies do this) yet he's always on the colder side ( 50-50 chance I'm keeping this hc)

hes a slut for pumpkin pie

Demisexual and intersex? ( all of Eros's creations are intersex in my eyes/ incubus or succubus)

doesn't know how to tie a tie to save his life.

his body doesn't build muscle but he is strong

will eat lemons like people eat oranges

vampires can't gain or lose weight ( or get taller unless it's from a spell or something) he's the same weight and height as when he died (idk where I was going with this....)

he walks away to not punch someone when they make him mad ( idk if I said this or not) (now that im looking back this... this ones stupid)

he stares at people but doesn't realize it

he only writes with the pen/cil between his pointer finger and middle finger ( I do this sometimes and it feels great )

this is an explanation for the height I gave Valentine (5'2), in 800 ad ( yes 800 it's the closest I could find to 410ad leave me alone.) the average height for males was 167cm( 5'4) to 173cm (5'6) and I think he's a little under the percentile for his age group back in ad ( this doesn't make sense does it), so I put him in 5'2-5'3 without heeled shoes on because of this. ( if the height percentiles for 800 ad are wrong let me know I just used Google so idk if it's right or not)

he wears contacts ( is he blind ? We will never know.)

he laughs at people who say pink is only for girls

he took a liking to a human once, and they died. big sad

Don't play hide and seek with him.

he is oblivious when he's around someone he trusts, he doesn't do it on purpose it just kinda happens (for example is paying attention to his surroundings) so there's a bunch of safety stuff on shit so he doesn't hurt himself or brake anything ( this was the explanation for the one hc I made with spelldon)

Don't make bets with this man. he will win every time. ( he's made people go broke bc of how competitive he gets.

has a great poker face

hes related to cupid but doesnt know how

he wears underclothing everyday and night ( he's modest ig) ( ignore my old art bc of this :D)

hes scared of kismet (fate or destiny)

mad val is very rare and the reason is cus he's scary af

has a harder time getting over baby gates even tho he can fly ( he forgets )

his nails and teeth can detract and attract ( like enid's from Wednesday)

can be summoned by a summoning circle

He is part incubus but doesn't do sexual favors cus ew ( 50% vampire, 50% incubus)

He's an enigma

His bat form is a fruit bat :D

He can't eat if somes around him

spelldon alone hc:

he wears alot of snake jewls

can't STAND fake friends

he's got RBF ( resting bitch face)

he judges people by accident and makes a face every time, Val called it the face of judgment ( I can't think of a name for it :()

has a great poker face

gay and demisexual

turns people into animals on purpose

he can be extermly cruel.

likes holding hands

very touchy

him and his sister act like its.giz on tiktok ( i think) ( outside source wow )

they like harassing each other in stupid ways

she has pushed him down the stairs more times than he can count

has actually really soft and gentle with the innocent

he likes to admire val when he zoned out cus he wont get yelled at for staring

He is competitive but not as much as Val

he is full god ( i say he is but idk if his dad was god or not, so fuck it)

he uses his hands and magic more in fights than actual weapons

he finds it amusing that people forget how much monsters are monsters till they get like scared ( no Brittny you can't fix him he eats people.)

he has certain things he lets no one touch, not even val

spelldon is like 6'0-6'3 because hes the son of a goddess ( or two depends) so he got them good-good genes. ( give)

he tigtens jar on purpose cus he forgets that val is also strong and can open anything, so he gets sad when val opens shit he tightens cus he wanted to open it for him ( loser )

somehow always has a book on him, no clue where he puts it.

his hair is in either dreads or twists ( I know dreads are kinda of like twists but they stay that way but idk how that works:,0)

piercings galore (def has snake bites + tongue)

steps over baby gates but sometimes trips

has a pet snake

SPELLTINE:

Val has a garden that has pretty much all of the herbs and funus that spell needs for spells or potions

they can carry each other pretty easly

they both have quite places where they go when they need personal time

spell has a shit ton of piercings ( as i said earlier), val doesn't but he wears more jewelry that can be slipped off ( rings, bracelets, necklaces , etc.)

they make things for eachother

val likes grabbing spell and taking him really high into the air and dropping him and grabbing him before he hits the ground ( with permission and a heads up ofc)

They are smart until they're together then they turn stupid

BC spell can see Kismet and such, he tells very veg ones to Val if he's like extremely panicked

they both get moonstruck

misanthropy. both of them.

they cover the table's sides so the other doesn't hit their head when they get something under them

spell with do anything Val tells him to ( within reason ofc, but he really does always say yes)

val teaches spell how to certain weapons but gets confused why he goes all red

val once got the folded test paper of doom and spell laughed at his face then he got the folded test paper of doom then it was vals turn to laugh at him.

spell keeps a drawing of val on him cus he cant get a photo

they played hide and seek once. spell said never again.

they throw water on each other when stressed ( cold water to the face helps calm someone down cus its cold, google it I cant explain)

val likes to climb up spells shirt while being a bat, it freaks spell out cus he cant find him then boom something ice cold is claiming up his back

olive theory, spell like them val doesn't

picky eater and the one who eats what they give them, spell is the one that eats the stuff val gives him

spell holds vals blood bags to that they warm up, his body temp is high af

parts of them glow in the dark ( eyes, vals body markings, certain pricing of spells glow in the dark, vals nails {dont ask why I've come to this conclusion I just did})

compliments that actually seem more like insults to others

disturbing insults

If they share meals they eat in different rooms

( I'm so sorry this is so long, it was supposed to be three different posts)

[keithal]

Do you have any supernatural fic recs?

ANON. i have been waiting since 2019 for someone to ask me this. prepare to regret this decision (FYI: i'm taking all these recs & following notes from my public bookmarks on ao3, which you can find here. i'm cutting the notes short, so if u don't mind spoiler-y drawn-out comments, check that out too if u want!)

deancas focused:

A Reasonable Amount of Trouble by xylodemon -> an spn au where dean is a p.i. and a hunter on the side, cas is still an angel, and they get caught up in a plot that's a mix of seasons 4, 6, 8, and 9. this was my introduction to spn and deancas. the characterization is flawless and the prose is beautiful (very cs pacat-esque). the plot is crafted with close attention to detail and the pacing is perfect

the point of our being by noviembre -> a post-s15 fix-it that takes place immediately after the penultimate episode. noviembre is undoubtedly my favorite spn writer of all time. one of the best dean voices i've ever come across. this ties up the narrative threads into a beautiful, sound, satisfying ending, and both destiel & saileen survive. despite the odds, they're happy.

i projected onto dean winchester when i was twelve years old and now im making it your problem by alittleduck (amidsizedfrog) -> another post-finale fix it. and, to date, the funniest thing i've ever read. every fic in this series has a good balance between scenes that make u laugh so hard u hurt ur throat and Scenes That Make You Want To Gurgle Cement.

So Says The Sword by komodobits -> a s4 au and a fandom classic for a reason. if u haven't read this, i'm of the firm belief it's best to go in as blind as possible. but definitely keep this verse in the back of ur mind while reading: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father" (matthew 10:29)

sir this is a wendy's by noviembre -> yall remember when misha collins said that a modern au deancas would be like if a wendy's janitor and the president of the usa fell in love? well noviembre took that seriously and now we're here. and u should all be thankful bc it's somehow the single funniest and most romantic thing i've ever read

the pie isn’t a metaphor (it’s just pie) by noviembre -> post-finale s15 domestic deancas fic that's the emotional equivalent of drinking tea and lying under a warm weighted blanket. it makes me so happy and i think abt it every time i eat a pastry. i just sit there chewing like “dean and cas are eating fresh pie in their kitchen” and it puts a smile on my face.

Muscle Memory by komodobits -> a "50 first dates" au that i think abt every single day. i'm not joking. it's so sad and touching and sweet and unexpectedly funny, and no one writes deancas like komodobits. it just FEELS so them and i'm obsessed w it.

Strandlines by aeli_kindara -> au where s4 cas meets stanford-era dean. dean's voice and characterization is incredibly in-character with the early seasons and his voice doesn't falter once. and of course castiel! robotic s4 cas with this tremendous power and this fierce yet wavering loyalty to heaven that eventually focuses solely on dean! likewise, his character is spot-on and i enjoyed reading from his pov immensely.

[podfic] right hand on his rife, swore it on the bible by be_brave13 for quensty, floorsirens -> u can't possibly expect me NOT to include this. YES my friend and i wrote the fic but be_brave13's love and appreciation for it makes it feel like a completely separate work. my favorite podfic (and gift) of all time so i implore u to give it a listen.

something suddenly everywhere by noviembre -> the finest post-s15 fix-it of all time. cas is in the empty, they've defeated god, jack is gone, and all that's left is sam, eileen, dean, a bunker, and trying to move on. i know i already said that but this is the same author so it still counts! i cried, i laughed, i grieved, i jumped from excitement. it's a rollercoaster of emotions. it should be put behind a velvet rope at a museum so we can all gather around and clap.

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess -> au where dean writes star trek fanfiction. it follows him from the beginning of the show to the older seasons and is told entirely thru his fic summaries, reader commentary, and livejournal dms. warning that it is unfinished, but it's a masterpiece

saileen focused:

Loveletter (Dear Eileen) by voynichs (Xenerik) -> a short and beautiful meditation about love and eileen from sam's pov. it's only 300 words but it feels like 15k. definitely at the top of my fave saileen fics of all time. when i first read it i stayed up until 2 am crying abt it

Livin' on a Prayer by Dredfulhapiness -> EILEEN MEETING EARLY SEASONS DEAN AND SAM I'M SCREAMING. do u understand how this could've changed the timeline but, more importantly, me as a person. eileen there when dean and sam were trying to find a way out of the deal, there when everything happened with ruby, there for dean's resurrection, there before they met cas, there after sam dies and dean retires and cas goes m.i.a. and DEALING with the aftermath of a foiled apocolypse. everyone hates the winchesters but the winchesters are gone and all that's left is eileen to deal with the brunt of it.

With Hands Clasped by Xenerik -> a handful of snippets from the eileen wedding that explores gender and religion and love so beautifully. i haven't been able to read it completely yet, but i can tell this is going to be another saileen fave.

other pairings/no pairings

The Love Story of the Runner Up by Margo_Kim -> told from the perspective of a guy cas had a brief affair with as a semi-drunken story he tells a friend in a bar. it's technically deancas but since cas's relationship with another man takes main focus, i elected to put it here.

Ten Years by Margo_Kim -> a bela talbot character study and the best i've been able to find, no contest. *rowena voice* good girls are pathetic here's to evil skanks <3

The Archangel Gabriel Is Dead by seizethefire -> fics that have half a million kudos in my mind. it's about how and why rafael comes to think that god is dead. it expertly explores the familial relationship between gabriel, lucifer, michael, and rafael. it's devastating and beautiful in equal measure. definitely a personal favorite and one i think everyone should read

put them in a box somewhere by amidsizedfrog -> a mary & dean fic told from mary's pov from before she died. a gut-wrenching story about performative/toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia and mothers.

lastly, if ur interested, i also write spn fic >:) which u can find by clicking here. happy reading!

[teddybeartoji]

thinking about

https://x.com/OwwlllY/status/1803550523322507308?t=GeVDL_ljw1j1W0sNVc0aXg&s=19

(love this artist and their lil comics w satosugu they're so!!!)

it's a recurring thing w me but i just love like. horny, down bad people. "slutty" things. or suggestive. sometimes people just exist and it's so hot to me for some random reason like the type of skirt worn or certain movements... or the voice, the tone man idk i just 🫠

okay so i was thinking about this and also how would i imagine different jjk characters dealing with someone with super high libido, a dirty mind and a super sensitive body? i can imagine some taking advantage of it and teasing a lot (suguru)

but really imagine it's like the highest amount anyone could be. like full on succubus level. 24/7. would some characters tap out? i read a toji headcanon where he, bc of his age, didn't have as much energy but still had fun hearing reader pleasure themselves in the room next door before coming to cuddle next to him

often in fics it's expected that the libidos match so i'm rlly wondering how a difference could change things around 🤔 how they/you would adapt to it in order to keep everyone happyyyyy

so yeah ig i'm wondering what your opinion would be :3333

take care as always,

~ ☀️

HAIII HAIII SUNNYYY MY DEAREST!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE OWWLLLYYYYY!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEIR ART SMM (HERE'S THE LINK BTW)!!!!!!!!! and aaahhh i totally get what you mean by kind of getting turned on by the smallest things - i genuinely love smiles so much those also make me horny lmao, i really love back muscles, i love when people are sweaty!!!!!!! like oh myfukcing god if i saw toji or satoru or suguru working out in front of me.... i am FROTHINGGGG AT THE MOUTH OKAY i will lunge at them!!!!!!!!!!

i absolutely agree that suguru would definitely use that to his own advantage, he is very very patient and he knows how to keep his own please back a little just so he could last longer for you yk? but i do think that satoru the puppy would love it!!! he can get so hyper during sex and his stamina is just fucking godddlyyy i think he could keep up with you really well. aaand i do think that he can be a bit of a horn dog, like the smallest things do it for him too - short shorts, you brushing your teeth, your messy hair, you cooking for him, you bending over to pick smth up - everything goes!!!!! but it's just bc he really fucking loves u ok, it's not his fault you're so sexyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahh i know exactly what toji piece you're talking abt i loved it a lot!!!! and i agree with that too - while he does have good stamine and he fucks you so good, he's not as horny overall like satoru is yk? sure he thinks that you doing the most domestic things are hot but that mostly gets his heart racing for Love reasons lmao i love sappy old man toji ok he means so much to me. i also think that kento is gonna have a bit of a problem keeping up with you too. i don't know he just doesn't strike me as an overly sexual guy, he'd just love to relax with you in some other way. don't get me wrong though, he also fucks you so fucking well and he makes you cum plently of times but he just won't wanna go for like hours on hours on hours on hours. kento and toji are also both men that will put their own needs and desires on hold and focus on you!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah the ppl with the highest libidos in my opinion are suguru and satoru (though i don't think this is a surprise lma) aand the one's with the lowest are in fact toji and kento and hiromi (the working men😭😭). actually wait i feel like shoko is on the lower end as well. she's just working all the time and yes while sex is a good way to relieve stress it's also just fucking exhausting lmao she just wants to take a bath with you and have a glass of wine. aaaaaand man i kinda wanna say that sukuna is also here... idk that might just be me but yeah king or not i feel like he has other stuff to do and he's not always thinking abt sex. i feel like he's the most likely to let you suck him off whenever you feel like it though,, i think he's really into cockwarming too.

but i do feel like all of the ppl on the lower sex drive side on the scale feel more than comfortable with you taking care of yourself when they're ready to tap out (ok kuna might try to act a lil pouty tbh but he doesn't really mean it)(he feels a bit old so u just gotta reassure him a litttle lmao) buuut yeah these are just some of my thoughts heheee i love them all sm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[indecisive-dizzy]

Ramble about Eddie to your heart’s content, bestie :D

I’m honestly very interested in your ideas :3

Again, don’t be scared to just ramble in my ask box, I love hearing peoples ideas

AJDKKAGAJAKAK- THANK YOU <3 <3

I'm wailing rn /pos

My AU! Disabled Eddie!! Ok so he wasn't born with his disability, it came about later.

My Current story is that he had stroke in late middle/early high school! I have done research and Yes it is possible for teens and younger to have strokes. From what I recall it can be significantly worse for them compared to adult strokes

Eddie was left with permanent complications and is disabled bc of it. He has coordination, balance, and general mobility complications among a list of other post stroke effects. I just found the word I was looking for a few days ago to describe his mobility issues, it's Ataxia!

Eddie has to deal with bouts of muscle weakness on his right side which can effect his vision. He also gets vertigo a Lot and at this point dizziness is expected every time he stands.

He uses forearm crutches when he needs extra help walking bc he does have good days where he may not need them! But for longer distances he brings them bc he's better safe than sorry. He also has cane but he doesn't use it As much.

He also has a wheelchair that he Hates. He hates having to use it. But his Really horrible days leave him unable to stand, much less walk. He wishes he could just hide it somewhere and never think about it but alas. it's important.

He dislikes the wheelchair so much bc it makes him feel useless. He is Not! I want to clarify that wheelchair users are perfectly Capable and Independent! Eddie just has an issue with overachieving and working himself too hard. He wants to be helpful and do So Much but there are some things he can't do while in his wheelchair. He was stuck in a chair for months after his stroke and it was devastating back then. He has No good memories with a wheelchair so he continues to dislike using it.

Ok putting a read more bc I am not shutting up for a While

Relationships with the neighbors! Generally the same. Barnaby doesn't chase him bc that would be mean (? I can't think of a better way to describe it)

Sally is still Sally but she's specific on her mailman hate (lmao) to make sure Eddie and everyone else knows she's not faulting him for his disability.

Hmm yeah everything else is pretty much the same. I guess everyone is also more open about offering Eddie help from time to time if he looks like he needs an extra hand. They're not persistent or anything, but if they see him struggling to carry a package or two they're more inclined to help.

I still don't know how Howdy gets his shit. Honestly If Eddie is having a crutch or chair day,, Howdy just won't get his stock unless he gets it himself. I can't think of a way for Eddie to deliver all those heavy ass boxes.

He does ask people to pick up their packages occasionally too. He tries to deliver them all himself but it's not always possible. He offers a trolley they can use.

I want to talk about angst. So this is very specific, I'll try to keep it short. growing up, Eddie lived in a four bedroom house. two downstairs master bedrooms and two upstairs normal bedrooms. Before his stroke he was upstairs, his older brother in the other room, and his older sister in the bedroom downstairs.

Afterwards he had to move downstairs. His sister Hated this. She loved her room and her private bathroom and she was very prissy about it.

This snowballed into her just,, taking all her frustrations out on Eddie. He took Her Bedroom. He's getting all the attention. Her little brother was ruining everything.

Eddie was devastated by this. He went as far as to attempt to convince his parents to let them switch rooms again. He couldn't physically walk up the stairs most days but he just wanted his big sister to not hate him anymore.

Their relationship never fully recovered. As an adult Eddie will still find ways to blame himself and feel guilty. But he just can't bring himself to talk to her.

They used to be so close. She let Eddie experiment with her makeup, they talked about fashion and boys and she helped him so so much when he was questioning his sexuality.

and then it just, fell apart. But not quietly like a loose thread but rather a house that wasn't built quite right and the screws came loose one by one.

Eddie's memory gets really fuzzy when thinking that far back. but some of those memories are burned into his mind and he wishes he could forget them like he does everything else.

[i-love-you-all]

Henlo,, do you do the hc prompts for the agents still? Could you do by chance one for Breach if it's alright 👉👈

Breach <333

I'll put this out there that technically my requests are closed, but if someone asked me for Breach stuff I would probably still write it bc I love the man and there's so little about him in this fandom

5 things they usually see:

Bamse! This is my fave HC for him that's basically cannon (but old, deleted cannon). His Bernese mountain dog that Nina kindly named so long ago! But he sees Bamse every day when he's not on missions, and his pup is probably allowed a bit of exploration around certain areas of the base. Though perhaps a little too high energy and slobbery for some agents. The ones that like dogs will swing by the dorms or workshop sometimes to see if they can catch Bamse out and about.

Other people's shock/discomfort. It doesn't matter if he's loud or quiet, Breach has met too many people to ignore the way other people's eyes drift from his eyes down to his arms. Some people have visibly flinched, others kind of ready themselves as though they expect him to start a fight right then and there. But so much of how people see him is how they see his arms.

His workshop/garage + car parts. He has an interest in motor vehicles and loves tinkering, personalizing, and upgrading all his gear, and spends the more time on his car than most. On occasion, he gets help from Raze to paint on his car, but otherwise this is a moment he can spend alone.

Ghosts of people he used to know (not actual ghosts... the people are still alive, just not with him.) Sometimes, he'll catch the sight of someone who looks just a little too similar to his nephew, or his father, and he has to do a double take, just to realize that the stranger was nothing like them. Each time, it brings up an ache in his chest. A reminder that what's lost is gone forever.

Rubble or crumbling structures. He doesn't do quiet very often, if at all. So, when he's lead on a mission, his team and Brimstone are expecting lots of collateral. Some, aka Raze, look forward to that, and others are reproachful (Astra, Sova, and Brimstone mainly).

4 things they usually feel:

Frustration. Due to his congenital amputation, he has faced discrimination more than once in his life. Even when he got his arms, no one could see past them, which was impressive considering how big of a guy he was. "Always have to overprove myself," and "Doubt me again!" That's his mentality. He can't just do what's expected, he has to perform the best each time, and one slip up can be held against him unfairly. That sort of attitude will sink in deep after enough time, and so, despite his solid self esteem and confidence, he still feels the need to prove himself hundreds of times over.

Sore muscles. I once posted something about him one day being unable to keep going with arms and downgrading or retiring. I think the thought of not keeping up plagues him at his lowest lows. And when he wakes up in the morning and feels a little stiffness, the thought of this being too much flickers across his mind.

The whizzing of bullets by his face. He's probably one of the more experienced field agents from his past. Also, he enjoys the risk and the thrill of a fight. "Guns in my face? Just another Tuesday." Instead of flinching at danger, he smiles and looks forward to the action.

Nothing (literally in this case). I think, especially when he was younger, he would see everyone around him touch the things around them. People who brush their coats off, who run their fingers over certain tactile textures, who flinch when the coffee cup is too hot. Seeing so many people feel or do the same thing, and then he himself feeling nothing but the absence... it was pretty hard to understand for him.

3 things they usually hear:

Brimstone's raised voice. They don't always agree and they don't like each other enough to be bothered to keep it civil. More than once, it has almost escalated to a fist fight, but others have always separated them. This isn't so common anymore, and he's probably suspicious that Raze had a part to do with it, but it works out for the better. More recently, with Brimstone having a hand in reducing his nephew's prison sentence, and then their jam sessions, they don't really have screaming matches anymore. At least, not on a regular basis.

His drumming! I already made my points about his drum kid, but playing along with the metal he normally listens to is relaxing. His way to get rid of excess energy. In addition to listening to his own groove, he likes the feeling of the drumming thumping against his heart.

Raze and her stories. I like to think that when they were in the workshop together, early on right when he joined, he would listen with a smile on his face while Raze enthused about all the things she and KJ spoke about that day. He would tease, and he would fake annoyance, but he loves her company. She fulfills just a tiny bit of his longing for family.

2 things they usually smell:

Lingonberry jam, meatballs, mashed potatoes, and sausages! Traditional Swedish foods, just like his pathetic holiday takeover that one year. To this day, I still feel a rush of anger when I think of what he got to celebrate his life when everyone else had something much more extravagant planned (except maybe not Cypher... that was just... budget Queen's Gambit lmao). But in all seriousness, I think when he gets homesick, he cooks up this meal and lets himself reminisce and wallow in his regrets.

The various inorganic materials he needs to maintain his arms. They may be carbon-fibre and titanium plated, but they still need regular maintenance.

1 thing they usually taste:

Bitterness. Despite his whole lone wolf thing, I think it's been underlined enough that he still misses his home/family. Every t time he thinks of his family, he also remembers that it's his own fault that he's stuck here. And Raze does her best to be family, and he has tentative friends, or at the very least, allies, and yet he can't let go of what he misses most.

[bibookmerm]

getting my shit together

Ok, first of all: there are several skills I lack that it is becoming apparent I need to learn/improve.

One is driving. My wife and I are looking to get our first car. She needs it for work. She drives. Our roommate drives. But I dont. And I was just talking to my friend about how we can never get our friends together bc most of us dont drive/dont have cars. We need more gays that can drive, so I have to step up, lol.

Two. I need to feel confident hand sewing. It's not that I "cant". I know how to thread a needle and do a backstitch, running stitch, whip stitch. But I am very slow bc I havent had much practice, so it annoys me, so I avoid it. I have a dozen little fixes I could do and I should do those. People who sew regularly can do these things in like 10 seconds. I wanna be them.

Three. I need to learn to swallow pills BEFORE my top surgery in March so I dont have to be like "do u have liquid painkiller 🥺" because what if they're like "no". And also, needing an alternative is pricey. (this is something where I believe my disability comes in. Coordinating my muscles in new ways OR more quickly than usual is difficult for me. Like of course I swallow food every day, but normally I take my time chewing first, so to place something in my mouth and quickly swallow it feels daunting. That's the best way I can explain it. Just feels like a different ball game lol. My pcp gave me a trick to try, so I will try it.)

.

The other thing is, I am at a level of stress I personally find untenable. I am not wading through any major personal tragedy at this moment, so honestly I feel kinda like. Damn. Why is ~everything so hard~? Am I being dramatic? What happens when shit truly hits the fan if I am already unstable now? Well, I clearly need to put some measures in place now so I can tread water.

Such as:

Establishing a baseline level of cleanliness/clutter for the apartment. Aim for everything to be above that baseline most of the time, but understand sometimes it will sink to that level when something else must be prioritized above household chores for a minute. In its current state, I'm embarrassed to invite anyone over here. I want the baseline to be just, what I could deal with someone seeing. If I don't feel comfy having someone sit at my kitchen table or couch for an afternoon, it's too messy. I need to specifically write down the "acceptable level", get it up to that, and keep it there/above. This could also be a conversation with my wife and roommate to be clear on what everyone defines as acceptable and all work to keep it at whoever's ideal is highest.

Buying some wardrobe staples. My clothes not fitting is uncomfortable. I expect to gain more weight as I stay on T, sooo I should get some stuff that's a little loose now?

I've noticed I need more gender validation. I get misgendered constantly, working two public facing jobs, and I've started thinking some self depreciating thoughts. Maybe I need to work harder to counter these things within myself and not seek it from others, but yeah, this is one reason I need therapy. I had such a positive self image like a year ago and I'm losing it :/

Challenge my social anxiety. Another thing it's a good idea to have a therapist's guidance in. I feel so overwhelmed that I forget quality time with friends helps me recharge! I need to balance draining peopleing with healthy peopleing.

There's more, but if I can do this much, the stressors I cannot change should be easier to bear. Now to actually go set all the things in motion.