#like i didn't necessarily like the ending either but the kinda person who doesn't think twice about wiping a person's mind

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

I should rewatch the first season of made for love probably

[thatbookgirl1118]

I cannot for the life of me find the original post (tumblr is a hellsite) but this was sent in an atla gc:

@the-badger-mole

and tbh i always kinda felt like kataang was weird exactly because of that one-sidedness??? like there's one episode of katara maybe sort-of seeing aang as a love interest (when the fortune teller tells her she'll marry a powerful bender), but then the rest of the show is her being passive in the relationship or actively pushing aang away (like their second kiss). and then at the end she just randomly decided "okay i like you i guess."

whereas aang got a bunch of pining moments and you actually believed he was in love with katara.

and most of their relationship was about how she helped aang - he did contribute to her character development over the course of the series especially as a bender of course but it didn't feel as emotionally/spiritually deep as katara's literal one episode sidequest with zuko.

but then someone else wrote "I would argue the opposite? Kataang is where Katara choose the peaceful nomad which subverts the trope presented where zutara is where she chooses the strong protector/combatant. Aang as a character is a subversion of the typical hero while zutara is like,,, coloniser romance idk"

and honestly... i kinda get that. aang was problematic in a lot of ways, but he was definitely a subversive protagonist, and i can see the power of allowing the woman to choose the pacifist vegetarian over the extremely obviously hot jock badboy. this is an incredible oversimplification of their characters of course, but the point stands.

Basically, Kataang is the ship we all logically want - the sweet, friendship-based, seemingly subversive one. But Zutara is the one that actually makes sense in the story, with these characters, not their tropes. Aang is subversive, but he and Katara are also kind of terrible for each other - he isn't mature or selfless enough for Katara, who needs someone to force her to take care of herself because she's always the one taking care of everyone else (wonder what that's like). That's why she and Zuko are so perfect, because he not only takes care of her, he makes HER prioritize herself. Aang... does not. He's pretty selfish, which yes is partially due to his immaturity (I personally don't count Korra as canon because it treated ALL the og characters terribly so I'm speaking purely from his 12 yo self), but it's also just a basic incompatibility thing. And Katara is actually equally bad for Aang - she enables him waaay too much, and he needs someone who doesn't. Who forces him to stand up on his own two feet and take responsibility. She's too much of a mother, and her relationship with Aang is too mother/older sister-ish.

With Zuko, on the other hand? Katara started out HATING him, forcing him to prove himself to her instead of handing him everything she had like she tended to do with Aang and Sokka. He had to earn her care, and as a result he appreciates it way more and demands way less of it. He's a far less selfish character generally for the same reasons, and is much more mature/has a better understanding of life and gray areas. Southern Raiders is a great example of this - he's down for whatever Katara decides because he understands that there's no one right answer, unlike Aang who simply preaches forgiveness. I'm not necessarily attacking Aang about that either - I do believe that grudges eat away at a person, and taking a life does haunt you, so forgiveness isn't necessarily bad advice. But it's not what Katara needed. Aang is great as a friend, but I don't think he's what Katara needs from a romantic partner. Zuko just... is.

[melodic-haze]

First off, congrats on being able to open up your request box again. In honor of that, I have a very personal request for you; Natasha. Just Natasha.

Just kiddin, I was thinking of the stereotype trope of: main character has a scary resting face but is actually just a nice person. Where reader has one mean bitch face and unnatural eyes that just brings fear sorta like Arlecchinos. This causes reader to get into fights constantly and needing to go to the only person that isn't scared of reader, Natasha. Always taking care of reader with her gentle smile, while wrapping the bandages of the people who started the fight a bit too tight for ones comfort. Reader slowly starts falling for Natasha and promises to help Natasha in anyway they could. Weather that be helping patients, managing the local kids when she can't, or even protecting her and her clinic. Anything to repay the kindness she has given them.

Have I ever told you I love Natasha? Yes? Well then you get to see it again. I love this women and would kill for her.

-🍎(I probably don't even need this for this one)

☆ — DEMO TRACK: Natasha x Reader

☆ — TYPE: SFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Mentions of violence

☆ — NOTES: opened my req box but I didn't end up answering them until like idk months later LMAAIOAAOO but anyway idk dude I think you gotta prove you love Natasha idk I just can't tell like at all 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

It's a hard life, when you're unlucky enough to strike fear in the hearts of those around you DESPITE the fact that you want the complete opposite effect. Perhaps you jsut wanted to pay for some nice looking handmade phone case being sold at the street and instead the people audibly gulp and say that you can keep it just don't hurt me--

Needless to say, it's inconvenient

Yeah perhaps you just have a naturally mean-looking face, or maybe you're scarred for one reason or other. Your eyes are unnatural—freakish, even—and with how Jarilo-VI hasn't necessarily received a surplus of otherworldly visitors due to the otherwise uninhabitable climate, not a lot of people are gonna really.. welcome such an intimidating appearance with open arms 😓

People shy away from you because they're scared that you're going to fight them, and then there are some loons that approach you bc they DO want to fight you. This ends in two ways; either you know how to fight back to support your appearance and you beat their asses (which doesn't really bode well for your already kinda negative reputation) OR you DON'T know how to fight and you end up getting your ass beat

And so what do you do if you feel like you've been dropped down to the seventh layer of hell? You go to Natasha's clinic!!! Oh, but with your bruises and cuts and your natural look that has people running at the sight of you, your presence may not be appreciated in what people may consider a safe space (hypocrites, all of them really LOL). But that's okay!!

After the long day you've had and the thorough beatdown you've gained, you willed yourself to limp back home. Passing out on the street was not an option, and neither was going to a place where most people had often rested and had their wounds tended to.

In hindsight, it was probably better to bear the scrutiny and get yourself nursed back to health, but despite having dealt with it for the past several years you've been percieved as the lone boogeyman that terrorised the streets, you weren't willing to face any more today.

Unfortunately, however, your legs lose their stability and your body falls out of balance. And with you fighting unconsciousness, perhaps due to a concussion that you couldn't care less about, there was no hope on being able to--

But you feel someone hold your falling body, their grip soft yet undeniably strong. Consequently, however, that startles you awake and alarmed.. which also ends up with you falling on the ground from pushing the person away, albeit with a softer landing due to the interrupted fall.

"Oh! My apologies for giving you a scare, dear."

"Wha..?"

You look up and you see the Underworld's most trusted doctor, Natasha. But her presence is what doesn't catch your eye, not specifically.

It's the way her eyes look at you unblinkingly, as if you were a person with no societal defects whatsoever.

You had to look away.

"You seem to be in such a state," she gently chided as she bent down with her eyes inspecting not your face or your unnatural eyes or anything that may seem out of the ordinary, but rather the dozen injuries that litter your body from the beatdown you recieved, "times like these are when I would personally advise you to see a doctor, you know."

While her words are sensible, you can't help but shake your head, "And risk getting turned away? No thanks."

"I don't recall ever turning you away throughout this very interaction."

You look back at her, and you see soft magenta eyes staring unflinchingly at you with her hand outstretched. And for the sake of that sick, tentative curiosity in your head, you look back at her with your 'cursed' gaze in an attempt to see if she, too, felt a lick of fear and panic at the sight of you.

"You still could. You could turn around and run back to your clinic now—fat chance of me stopping you when I'm all battered and beat like this."

"And it is precisely because you are battered and beat that it becomes my duty to nurse you back to health as your doctor." Natasha holds her hand out closer and gives you a smile; a foreign, almost alien, look when it comes to being under the moon's serene gaze, "I can treat you at your own home, if that's what you'd prefer.. and you can refuse, of course. But I would very much like to help, if you'd let me."

"..Okay."

In the cold underworld devoid of all natural light, there is a bright spark of warmth as you tentatively reach for her hand and pull yourself up to her with a wince.

You guide her over to your house located at some hidden area that people don't tend to visit and let yourselves in, to which she guides you to a chair and basically glides along her path as she looks for a first-aid kit. When she finds it, she goes over to you and treats you so gently—her gaze look at you in such a motherly way, her voice is soft as she asks you questions, and the silence between you is comfortable

As she stays with you to tend to your condition, the both of you engage in small talk. It's mostly started by her, there's no chance that you WOULDN'T be guarded when you've basically been estranged by the general public your entire life, but then you get comfortable enough that it turns into a full-blown conversation between the two of you

When she leaves, your house just feels a bit colder. And as you recover from your injuries and reflect on the kindest woman you've ever had the opportunity to converse with, you swear to yourself that you'd help her in whatever way you can as a way of showing your gratitude

Everyone sees you out much more often, particularly circling around the clinic and even, god forbid, going inside. But the doctor sees you trying to tend to her patients' needs without disturbing them, playing with the children in whatever way you can (and they even start to come over to you to play after a while + Hook's approval, calling you an Honourary Mole), and scaring off anyone who would dare to disturb her and her clinic's peace

You often can't help but wonder about the discrepancy of the way you're treated by everyone else and then her—much as you were grateful, let's be real you'd be mildly suspicious as to why she basically welcomes you with open arms when nobody else does. Does she have an ulterior motive? Did she want something from you this entire time? Oh, but everyone knew Natasha and everyone knew that she was quite possibly one of the most earnest people in all of Belobog so maybe you're just overthinking!! And that still doesn't stop you from wanting to help her out in any way you can anyway, your gratitude ran deeper than your lingering distrust from all the similar distrust you were faced with

Over time you develop feelings.....though whether it's bc of how she may be one of the only people to treat you like a person rather than a monster with deformities, how she had swooped in and saved you that time (and maybe even times after that too), or how you just genuinely fell for her, who knows. Either way, you start noticing her well-kept hair despite the constant rush in the clinic, and the scent of her perfume whenever she passes you by and gives your arm a light squeeze as a form of greeting towards you. You pay even more attention to her soft-spoken voice that was so full of care and conviction for nursing her patients back to full health, and her careful yet expert precision with her hands as she handles her medical tools

No matter what she does, you stayed captivated by her. Not just because of her beauty, but the kindness she shows and the love she has over those around her.

Perhaps it was due to your lack of such warmth and affection as a result of your status as a feared outcast, but you found yourself greedy—wanting more. But you know you couldn't ask that of her, not when she considered herself responsible for caring for life within the Underworld.

Especially not when you get these occasionally quiet nights to yourselves, devoid of anything else but you, her and a fresh pot of tea.

You're well-versed on how these nights usually went because they were repetitive and comforting: the two of you enjoyed a nice cup of tea as you told each other of your current days and your past experiences before settling into a nice lull, the silence comforting as you sat next to each other. You still found it strange, how the doctor had opted to sit next to you rather than far, far away from you, but it wasn't like you were going to complain about the warmth that you're now growing to be familiar with.

Right now though, there was something.. different to the silence.

It wasn't as if there was anything out of place, but you had noticed that the way Natasha looked at you was different—it was filled with.. a different form of affection, the type that you were a complete stranger to.

It was only when she spoke up in the midst of your otherwise-comforting moment of mutual peace and quiet that you realised why.

"Do you like me, [Y/N]?"

It was a simple question, one you could easily say 'yes' to because of course you like the woman you consider as your first true friend.. but the way she muttered it with her voice just a hair's breadth above a whisper made you stop and reconsider.

"..Why?"

"Mm... A doctor's curiosity, perhaps?"

"Just a doctor's curiosity?"

"Maybe more than that too. Won't you be a dear and entertain my line of questioning?"

...

Though really, what was there to reconsider?

"..So what if I do?"

"Hm."

You get no further acknowledgement back, and so of course you think that's the end of the conversation.

But then you see her turn around to meet your gaze, unflincing magenta eyes staring right at your unnatural own despite its initial tendencies to categorise you as a monster, and she gives you the most loving look you had ever seen from her.

"I've found that I like you too."

"Even if I'm--"

"I like you, dear. All of you."

You hear her put down her teacup to focus in you, but you can't bring yourself to care about anything else.

Not when the both of you lean into each other's embrace and breathe each other in.

Not when the Beauty kisses her Beast as if you breathed life into her being.

I tjink when you finally get with her it's so funnt bc you'd essentially be the "she asked for no pickles" couple except it could go either way

You're like the adored doctor and her bodyguard and neither of you would have it any other way :3c

[lilyginnyblackv2]

A Japanese video talking about Riku - Mentions the "Love Triangle."

I just found a video talking about Riku (in a sort of "10 Things You Didn't Know About This Character" kinda way). The creator of the video is Japanese and the video itself is in Japanese. Here is the full video:

They talk about 10 different things in regards to Riku, the full list of things they talk about can be seen in this image:

But the point I'm mostly going to be focusing on is #4 - 恋愛事情 or "The Romance Situation."

When the creator gets to point #4, they call it "The Sora and Kairi Love Triangle" (三角関係).

Then bring up the whole "eating (sharing) a paopu fruit with Kairi" stuff. But before jumping right into that, the creator compares Sora, Riku, and Kairi to other popular shonen trios of the time:

First mentioning Naruto with Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura.

Then Ash, Misty, and Brock. The creator notes that this kind group setup (a trio with two guys and one girl) was really popular around this time.

And that such a dynamic (two guys and one girl) has a lot of potential interest for a romance/romantic situation to come about. Which then brings up back to the whole "sharing a paopu fruit" with Kairi situation.

Specifically the scene in KH1 when Riku races Sora and says:

That whoever wins gets to eat (share) a paopu fruit with Kairi. But, then the creator of this video notes that the reading of this scene isn't necessarily clean cut:

Rather that it is unclear if this moment is just a moment meant to tease and embarrass Sora or if Riku was speaking honestly. Then they mention what Nomura says about Riku and his motives in KH1:

"Riku trying to return Kairi's heart to her wasn't about his feelings for her [Kairi], but rather his strong need to repent for the sins he committed." The Japanese word 罪 (tsumi) can also mean "wrongdoing," but I feel like Nomura is talking specifically about "sin" here, since he used the word 懴悔 (sange) as well. That word is shown to have strong connections to Christianity and Christ. The Japanese Wikipedia page for the word is specifically talking about the idea of repentance and sin in regards to Christ and the like.

(Personal little sidenote here, but this bit of info adds an extra layer to the conversation between Riku and Esmerelda in DDD, since that movie is steeped in Christianity).

Bringing this back to the video and what the creator had to say about this quote:

First, they note how there was no reference to Riku having romantic feelings for Kairi.

So, while knowing about Sora's feelings for Kairi,

It's reasonable to assume that Riku was simply teasing Sora in that scene.

Now, for most Soriku fans, this is old news. Many Soriku fans are aware of this quote in some way, shape, or form, and that interpretation is how we've viewed that scene for ages. But, I think it is important to have someone who is Japanese, speaking in Japanese, and talking about Nomura's quote in Japanese actually bringing up this line as well.

This is even more important, because this Japanese creator doesn't appear to be a Soriku shipper (he might agree with the idea of Riku having feelings for Sora, but he doesn't seem to ship Sora x Riku). After all, he does specifically note that, in KH3, Sora and Kairi are "completely in love with each other" (完全に両想い). So, to this Japanese individual, that paopu sharing scene is meant to be romantic.

The creator of this video also points out that "Riku picks up on that" with the "that" being "Sora and Kairi are completely in love with each other," and shows the scene of Riku on the beach not looking bothered by this. (In Japanese, they state that Riku is 空気が読む - reading the room).

Then they end the video by stating that they "wish people would stop saying that Riku might like Kairi."

I wanted to share this video, because while I do think that there are a number of poorly translated moments in KH (especially in KH3), which either just do the character dirty or causes certain parallels and context to be missed or miss placed in the English version...I don't necessarily agree that the Japanese text makes Soriku or Riku having romantic feelings for Sora more obvious nor do I think that it makes Sokai come off as less romantic than it is intended to be.

When I first played KH3, it was in Japanese when I was living in Japan. The Sokai stuff came off as romantic, poorly written and on the same level as the usual battle shonen stuff (of which this creator made a parallel/connection to with the trio dynamic in a way), but still meant to be read as romantic. Riku and Sora moments still made my eyebrows rise though, as per usual. (Edit: Also, to clarify, I do still think that there were aspects of drifting apart or feeling left behind, especially on Kairi's end, and there was still a lot of queer subtext in KH3, but whether Nomura actually ever does anything with that...).

But, yeah, I think there has been some misconceptions spread about Soriku and Japanese KH fans in general. There seems to be this feeling that like every KH fan in Japan ships Soriku or what have you...but that really is not the case. Soriku fans in Japan ship them, they likely also have queer readings of their bond and the text, but the regular, run-of-the-mill KH fan in Japan will see Sokai as romantic and the official/canon pairing, and view Sora and Riku's bond as friendship.

Though, Soriku is still an extremely popular pairing and I do think that, like in English speaking spaces of the fandom, there might be more of a general acceptance that Riku has feelings for Sora. But, not everyone in Japan holds these views, just like in English speaking KH spaces.

Let's just take a quick look at the comments:

One of the comments that has 14 upvotes notes the heartwarming nature of seeing Sora and Riku go from enemies in KH1 to fighting together "as friends" in KH2. Another comment notes how Sora and Riku are childhood friends. One commentator states that "Riku has Namine, so he'll be okay." Meanwhile, another comment talks about how they think that "Riku is definitely in love with Sora" they use 恋 (koi, which is used when talking about romantic love specifically). One of the replies to that comment notes how they find Soriku to be "hotter and more emotional" than Sokai. The creator responded with a laugh and a general sort of "no doubt (lol)" statement.

I'm going to check and see if there are any other Japanese videos talking about Riku in general. This video was a great little insight into a Japanese POV on Riku and general Japanese fandoms thoughts on Riku. Like with any fandom space, it's a mixed bag.

If you do decide to check out the video above or leave a comment, please be nice and kind. I just thought this was interesting and a good reference / source to point out when it comes to that Nomura comment about KH1 Riku and his motives and Riku's feelings (or lack there of) for Kairi.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

thoughts on the hp epilogue? i kinda hate it and don't really consider it canon but im curious what your opinion is.

I'm not a fan, I usually disregard it.

There are things I don't like about the epilogue and things I don't mind. My dislikes range from the usual suspects like Harry naming his son "Albus Severus" to some deeper things actually.

This ended up a bit long, so I'll add a read more here.

So, I'm going to divide this into two parts, things written in the epilogue itself, and the supposedly canon future of the characters that bother me, but technically it's not in the books and therefore easier to ignore.

Thoughts about the epilogue itself:

I actually don't mind the character dynamics between the golden trio in the epilogue, I actually like some of them (like Ron's comments about his muggle driver's test). I like Neville becoming an Herbology professor as well.

Now, for what I don't like...

The existence of the epilogue as a whole bothers me. I don't feel like the books necessarily needed one, at least not one like this. I would've preferred it to end on a hopeful note of rebuilding and changing house stereotypes and muggleborn treatment so there won't be another Voldemort. Not just jump 19 years later to show a society that didn't change any of its inherent problems (more on that in the next section). But the fact Albus is concerned about being sorted into Slytherin shows me nothing changed. House prejudice is still rampant, and the wizarding world still gawks at Harry. Ron mentions casting spells in broad daylight on a muggle for his driver's exam, so clearly muggles and the Statue of Secrecy are still a joke. It's like, complete and utter stagnation.

I also, don't actually want to see the second generation in canon. This is one of those things I think is better off to leave for fan spaces. The whole epilogue feels like a weird fanfic, it doesn't feel like a part of the books. It's even written in a different POV, that same third-person omnipotent that appears in the first chapter of books 1, 4, and 6. It just feels outside the books, I don't know how else to put it. It took me out of the story instead of leaving me satisfied with the ending.

I made it no secret I hate Dumbledore, so having Harry name his son after the two men who made his life hell, as much if not more than the Dursleys, just... it's just really gross. I hate thinking about it even.

I'm not the biggest fan of the names Hugo and Rose either, but that's my personal opinion.

The final problem I have with the epilogue itself is more subjective than the others, but also the most glaring for me, and that's Harry and Ginny. I just really didn't like them as a couple for multiple reasons that I want to make a whole post about actually (it's in the drafts, I'm working on it). But I didn't like the fact Harry married Ginny, I just really don't like them together. It's more of a me thing, and I'm sure fans who ship them together don't mind this, hence why I saved it for last, but it does bother me quite a bit.

And it's not that I dislike all of JK's canon pairings. I like Ron and Hermione, Bill and Fleur, Remus and Tonks, James and Lily — I like all of them well enough. It's Harry and Ginny that I have a problem with.

Thoughts about things JK said about the characters' futures (cursed child and Pottermore and a bit of the epilogue):

I don't like the Harry's and Hermione's careers, I think they are a disservice to the characters.

I go into more detail below about why the Ministry of Magic really really sucks, but with how the final books (5 and afterward) are all about how bad and corrupt the ministry is, it sits really wrong for me than Harry and Hermione go to work there.

And like, with as much as Harry is good in DADA and likes it, I don't think he'll actually enjoy being an Auror. Being an auror is more than just fighting dark wizards. It's filling out paperwork, dealing with bureaucracy, and having to obey his boss. Harry can't obey anyone, I can't see him working well in a hierarchical system that supports authority, it's the antithesis of a character who could resist the imperious curse on his first try because of how much he hates obeying. Personally, I think Harry should've removed the DADA teacher's curse and stayed at Hogwarts. Like, I see him as a DADA professor who often joins Aurors as, like, a special advisor or something. It'll give him more freedom and I think he'll like working with students and staying at Hogwarts.

As for Hermione, yes, she had SPEW, and I definitely think she would spend her life trying to improve creature rights, I just can't really see her becoming a minister. Hermione isn't about strategy (that was Ron), and she isn't about leading (that was Harry). Hermione is compassionate, and I do, as I mentioned, expect her to work for creature rights and improve the state of muggleborns in their society. But she's also a need, who loves reading and studying, I kinda feel she'd be more at home as an unspeakable rather than the minister. She just isn't a politician. Think about them breaking into Gringotts where she literally couldn't lie to save their lives.

Ron, I kinda like the idea of him trying to be an Auror and leaving after two years (honestly, Harry could have done the same and I would've been more willing to accept it). And I don't mind the idea of him helping George at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, I understand why he'll want to do it. Both to get out of the limelight, to help George with Fred's loss that they all share (tbh I'm in denial about that), and the chill environment probably would be good for him after the war. I think Ron will have fun in such a profession, honestly. He's the only one where I can kinda see it.

I don't like the way the Wizarding World is portrayed in the epilogue as I mentioned above — like nothing changed.

In the final books in the series (but actually, we see hints of this in books 2 and 3 already) the ministry is repeatedly portrayed as corrupt and inherently discriminatory — both towards magical creatures and muggleborns.

I don't think I need to discuss House Elves and werewolves too much, as the books state the problems in the ministry’s treatment of these groups quite plainly. But what the books don't mention as much is how hard muggleborns who wish to stay in the Wizarding World have it.

While there are private professions like shop owners, broom makers, Quidditch players, authors, and such, most jobs in the Wizarding World are in the ministry. And you can't get a job in the ministry unless you have connections in the ministry. They run on nepotism and who-knows-who and not merit. This places all muggleborns, even ones like Hermione (if she wasn't a war hero) at a disadvantage when searching for a job after Hogwarts.

We see it with Tom Riddle (12 NEWTs, all O's, prefect, and head boy). Yes, Slughorn pulled some strings to get him job offers, but he preferred to work at Borgin and Butkes over the lowly ministry positions they were willing to give a muggleborn who got a recommendation! What do you think happens to the muggleborns without a close relationship with Slughorn or to students who were quiet but still got solid Os and Es. And we don't know if other teachers recommend students to the ministry.

And that's before I talk about how muggleborns are introduced to magic, which is abhorrent. Or the lack of care towards child abuse (cases like Harry, Voldemort, and Snape come to mind). Or wizards' condescension towards everything muggle. Even Arthur Weasley, who supposedly loves muggles, is incredibly condescending towards muggles and ill-informed about them.

This outlook on muggles is why the Statue of Secrecy is a joke. I mean, book 1 opens with Vernon seeing weird people in colorful cloaks celebrating Voldemort’s downfall. They have no subtlety. considering Ron confounded the examiner on his driver's test and Harry and his family walked with owls in a muggle train station, this didn't get better either...

Sorry for my rant about the ministry, but all this is to say, I don't like the idea of Harry and Hermione working in such a corrupt system that they both witnessed the damage of firsthand. And even if they did work there, I kinda expected them to change it. To actually put in the effort to improve the damaged system they had, and JK mentioned they did. But in the epilogue and any other material we see no signs of this improvement. Everything is still corrupt and running on connections and favors. Otherwise, Albus Potter wouldn't be scared of being sorted into Slytherin, that fact alone means the prejudices that are a huge problem in their world still exist.

The ministry's corruption was such a big plot point in the final books that it feels weird to me that it isn't addressed in any way in the epilogue itself. I mean, the reason Voldemort rose to power as easily as he did was because the ministry and their society were built to allow it.

My ideal epilogue will take place maybe a few months after the war, it'll show them rebuilding, and being hopeful for a future that'll now exist. Stop the house rivalries that do more damage than good and cease the discrimination against muggleborns and creatures, or at least take the first steps towards something better. And it'll show the couples together and the golden trio's friendship, but no second-generation stuff. I feel that wasn't necessary to get the point across. Which I don't feel it did. Like, it gave me the wrong kind of catharsis that I wasn't looking for, if that makes any sense. It just gave me answers to questions I didn't ask.

Tldr;

Sorry for my rambling, the epilogue and anything stated after the books isn't really canon in my head.

[deconstructivesurgery]

Been thinking a lot about Borderlands 3 and Rhys lately and since I've seen people posting a lot about the things they dislike about the way Borderlands 3 handled... literally everything, from previous games' characters to their strange and sudden insistent belief that "some of the megacorporations that make weapons to profit off of the galaxy being unsafe and constantly engage in inter-corporate war to steal things from each other are good actually" I thought I'd add a few of my own thoughts into the ring, this time specifically about Rhys- one of the characters who I found to be both dumbed down in 3 (although to a lesser extent than characters like Vaughn, who was pretty much just reduced to a bit character.) Cut because this is gonna be a long one, folks.

I think something interesting is the fact that Borderlands 3 really took away some of the snide, prideful behaviour Rhys had in the original Tales, kinda stripping him of some of his less "cutesy" personality flaws while giving him new ones he didn't necessarily have before- like accidentally making him seem incredibly shallow in quests like Space Laser Tag- where he's mainly concerned about trivial things like his favourite spots being destroyed while the company he fought to rebuild for the past SEVEN years is also being crushed. This is largely because instead of portraying him as the flawed but OVERALL currently well-intentioned (to some degree) character he is, they wanted him to be little more than an "adorkable" goofy type of character- and acknowledging his past of scheming ambition and potential to be incredibly dismissive of others doesn't fit that.

The thing *I* personally like the most about my perception of Rhys as a character is the dissonance between his character arc and his actions beyond the original Tales. I think it's important to spearhead this conversation with the fact that I don't like buying into the idea of Rhys being possessed by Handsome Jack post-TFTBL, trying to bring him back, or even still being in possession of his infected ECHOeye. Whether he sided with him for the majority of the original Tales or not, I prefer believing that the canon ending to the game inevitably resulted in Rhys finally discarding his idolization of Jack and resolving to veer his own life away from following in Jack's footsteps and towards creating his own ideal future with Atlas.

Does that immediately make him a morally perfect wonderful guy who's not still questionable by sheer virtue of INSISTING on making a return to the very corporate hellscape that pushed him to do everything from get unnecessary body modifications (still forever thinking about the fact that he did NOT lose that arm, my man had it purposefully removed for the sake of career success). No. The FUN part of it all is that Rhys is simultaneously right- he isn't like Jack, and I really don't like that the new Tales really switched up his behaviour to resemble his more- and wrong. Because at the end of the day, he's now still the CEO of a large-scale weapons manufacturer taking advantage of the unrest between planets and corporations just like every other big corp.

I think more than anything, I like Rhys best when he's a well-intentioned person (with glaring character flaws like a persistent love for the corporate life and lingering ambitions) who genuinely cares about Atlas and believes that it's the key to bettering the world he lives in- while simultaneously only REALLY managing to be, at most, a lesser evil. Someone snarky and occasionally snide, who's lightened up into the more affable, comfortable, almost silly persona we see in 3- but not missing the flaws that were definitive of his character in the past, either.

I wish we'd seen him have a stronger reaction to Katagawa Jr. and the possibility of losing Atlas, instead of the played-up-for-laughs kind of upset he displayed over things like a donut shop vs. the literal potential destruction of the company he scavenged out of a bad situation and brought back from the grave. I wanted to see him take it more PERSONALLY. To me, Atlas is in part Rhys trying to prove to HIMSELF that he doesn't need to be like Jack. It's proof and reassurance that when he tries to tell himself he's better, he's right. It's freedom from the corporate rat race he used to live in, because *he*'s in charge of it now, and he's running it with a lighter hand. To me, it's his own (flawed, yes, but I should've made that clear already) attempt to spit on everything Hyperion represented as a corporate environment.

If I'd had my way with it, honestly, I would've played a bit of a more emotional angle with the ideas Borderlands 3 lays out for you. I really love Katagawa Jr. for a lot of reasons, but one of them is the fact that he's a character that really echoes a lot of Rhys' own (past and present) character traits right back at him, and I think that should've been emphasized more. I wanted it to hurt more! Let Rhys look dead in the eyes someone who is, in many ways, eerily similar to himself- opportunistic power-grabbing and all- and realize that he's going to have to have him killed to protect what he's built for himself. I wanted him to realize that this was the only way things were ever going to turn out- because there's no happy ending when you go corporate in the Borderlands universe. It's going to be backstabbing, conflict with other manufacturers, and destruction all the way down.

Anyways I have a *lot* more to say than this (autism does that to a motherfucker)- but I see a lot of discourse? Discussion? Who knows- anyways. I see it a lot regarding Rhys, and I think my take is essentially, TLDR:

He doesn't need to be the pinnacle of evil, a new clone of Handsome Jack or someone stepping into his footsteps, just another heartless corporate fuck who underwent no character development whatsoever and is just as bad as Maliwan, or Tediore, or anyone else. He also shouldn't be reduced to "the good one". I know that Borderlands 3 itself is for the most part completely allergic to nuance, especially in character writing, but I think it's fascinating to play with the idea of a character who is trying to do their best to BE "the good one" and succeeding to some degree- while still failing to break the status quo in a way that matters. He also doesn't need to be entirely a goofy piece of shit that's obsessed with action figures, OR a conniving, snide asshole who's way too overconfident sometimes. He could've and should've been a bit of both, y'know?

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. If you read all this, you have my commendation.

[eponastory]

ZUTARA...

Okay, so my thoughts...

Look, I'm an OG fan. I was a teenager when the animated show came out and boy oh boy...

Okay, so yes, I am a Zutara shipper. I have been since the show aired, and the way the show ended with Aang and Katara left an icky taste in my mouth. I'm not anti Kataang either. It just gives me... eew. Especially now that I'm an adult and I know relationships are messy to begin with. I don't agree that the show creators think that Zutara would be toxic... that is not necessarily true as Zuko's character doesn't support such a thing and neither does Katara's. Aang is still a child mentally and he doesn't seem to understand that people are going to do what they are going to do. Case and point, The Southern Raiders. Aang confronts Katara telling her that she should let it go and forgive Yon Rah... the only problem with this is that Katara needs to deal with her own closer. Forgiveness does not mean closure. Take it from me, a person who has difficulty letting go of hurts from the past. Some things I can forgive, while other things I can't because they are still a problem for me today, which is why I'm in therapy. It is not up to Aang to decide what Katara needs to do in that moment. If anything, he is showing his complete misunderstanding of her resolve. She is angry, hurt, and compulsive. She is feeling these things because her past has been thrown in her face by Zuko's presence. Because he is there, all that hurt is like a thousand daggers in her back. Zuko is letting her do. He is letting her feel, and for those who say he is encouraging her to murder someone, that isn't what is going on. He is basically letting her do what she needs to do. When someone is feeling that way, you wither let them feel it and support them or you get out of the way. People are going to do what they want. It's a hard lesson to learn.

Aang has his world view of peace and compassion, which is not a bad thing, but he lacks understanding. Probably because he is still a child and still learning the ways of people. People are cruel and sometimes unforgiving, but we can also be kind, loving, and filled with hope. Aang sees the good in everyone, except Ozai, which I'm pretty sure the only thing good about Ozai is the fact that Mark Hamil is behind his voice. But anyway, I like Aang. He's a good character that transforms everyone he interacts with. That is the best quality about him. The absolute worst of his qualities is that he tends to push his beliefs into the open without taking a moment to think about how others feel. And that isn't even that bad. It's a disregard of those emotions that leave a little bit of bitterness in my mouth. But that is something everyone struggles with at one point. That is just being human.

But yeah, this is just my humble opinion. Relationships are messy and they need work. They arent always going to be perfect, which is why neither ship is going to be better than the other. Does Aang and Katara have a happy marriage? Well, I can't say that they do because there isn't much to go on other than they have children. I'd like to think they have their ups and downs like most relationships do.

Would Zuko and Katara have a good relationship? Going off of their character I'd say they would balance each other out. It won't be toxic because they do fine when they are together in the show. They work well as a team and have each other's backs. So yeah, that is there in the show.

I'd also like to point out that Zuko and Mai don't tick the boxes for outstanding relationship. Those two have been on and off and I honestly don't think they will get back together. Kinda reminds me of the guy I was on and off with for five years... now that was toxic.

But yeah. I've done the shipping thing for so long it doesn't matter if it's Canon or not. Like I seriously shipped Sesshomaru and Kagome for years even though I knew she and Inuyasha were going to be together. Didn't care too much for Sess/Rin because again... eew. You ship who you want and what you feel makes sense. Does this mean people have to berate others about it? No. There should never be any condescension or degrading because we are all fans.

But for real... I think Azula and Sokka should get together. And I'm not on the Taang ship either.

Fight me... I dare you.

[tonydaddingham]

the more that ive thought about it (it of course being the argument clip), the more that i need to get something off my chest and defend aziraphale - not necessarily against anyone, not saying anyone is attacking him, but whilst crowley is my special apple crimble crumble boy, aziraphale is the goodest lil dude and there is nothing i wouldn't do for that messy man-

i think what a lot people forget about aziraphale is that he is so fucking clever, he is arguably more intelligent than crowley, but has the irksome, painful dichotomy of being kind. what kinda upset me in the clip is that crowley almost addresses aziraphale as if he's stupid, when he's anything but. aziraphale is fully aware that gabriel, michael, uriel etc are all wankers, he's not oblivious to it, but aziraphale is an unfailingly empathetic and compassionate angel, and will try to always see the best in people.

the fandom sometimes mistakes this for naivety or even ignorance, and it's not - aziraphale is not naive, he knows that these angels are shits and treat him poorly, but aziraphale has a pretty strong view on what an angel should be, what they should embody, and even though he knows deep down these other angels don't really follow the same blueprint, he hopes and he tries to remain optimistic and see the best in them. he hopes to be forgiven for his trespasses just as he forgives those who trespass against him✨

and so by the end of s1 i think he really does give up on being an angel ("just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" got the most satisfied, bashful grin on him we've ever seen) and instead is just a good person. and i think crowley fails to realise or accept this - not bc he's stupid either, but i think he sometimes really underestimates aziraphale and possibly because he thinks (possibly due to his own trauma- the apocalypse as well as the Fall) that god will never love a being that isn't good and godly at the same time. he can't accept that that the two things, being good and being godly, are entirely different concepts, and that in aziraphale the two must go hand in hand.

aziraphale understands the difference, and knows that he can still be loved by god even if he doesn't align himself with heaven anymore. so therefore its a real foreign idea, a ludicrous concept, to crowley that aziraphale is still being kind to gabriel, being compassionate, when in his mind this is the angel that wanted to kill them both and is a first class wanker to boot.

but i think that does actually show that, not in any way maliciously or intentionally but likely just as a projection borne out of anger and possibly self-hatred, crowley is thinking appalling little of aziraphale right now. does he really believe that the angel that he slithered up next to on the wall and who not only didn't smite him on sight but also conversed with him and listened to him and sheltered him from the first rain whilst not even bothering to shelter himself is incapable of being kind without being heaven's puppet?

so yes i totally get where crowley is coming from, and whilst it kills me a little inside to think that crowley might consider himself so unworthy of kindness and affection unless it originates from a systematic compulsive side effect of being a Holy Entity, i think he's being grossly unfair to aziraphale in not realising even after 6000 years of knowing him that aziraphale might just simply be a really kind person.

[moldybonessmell]

Valorant agents age headcanons

There is the list of my headcanons for valo agents' age

Disclaimer: Realistically even 18 yo go to army but in my mind 18 yo are actual babies so in this tier the youngest are 21 yo

21-25

Gekko as the main gen z falls into the youngest tier, followed by Neon and Jett, the choice is pretty obvious ig

This might be controversial but Iso gives just as much of gen z energy as Gekko, the only difference is him adopting Stiles Stilinsky's personality growing up, this is how we end up with the sarcastic deadpan delivery guy (yes this one is relatable to the op aka me)

Deadlock in the group might be controversial but I think it's funny af if the serious suspitious woman ends up dragged into the least serious friend group in existence (I bet she would make friends with Iso lol)

26-30

Everyone thinks Sova is a serious adult-ass man and gets surprised when they realise he's gen z, he just has a scary accent and doesn't smile and people think he's older than he is (the russian unapprouchable and quiet nature doesn't help this either)

Sage struggles from the same desease called looking serious and being a mom friend but she's actually on the younger side of agents

You might argue Phoenix is younger, but he's the texbook example of the 26 yo dude who one day woke up and decided to be a DJ /affectionate No way the dude collecting shoes would have money for all that in his early 20s (even tho it's debatable)

Yoru might be older, but for a dude who spends his free time by fighting gangs he must be under 30. I know difficult personality doesn't necessarily mean he's young but it would make sense

Raze is fun and energetic but more on the party-person side than anything-for-a-trouble side so she's in this tier. She just gives off the energy of someone who was working in customer service for years and finally quit but still has her violent urges /joking

KJ gives off younger energy, but as someone known for her incredible tech abilities and robots she must be closer to 30. You can't tell me this woman didn't work in IT with tech-bros for several years just to realise she wants to kill people /joking unless

31-35

I kinda doubted myself on making Chamber 31 (as he's a famous weapon-maker but let's pretend he got successful pretty early) but he just gives off the energy of the guy who just entered his 30s but acts the same as when he was 20 (immaturity-vise)

Breach kinda falls into same category but for a completely different reason of being in prison (probably for a long time and probably for something he did in his early 20s) so he kinda stopped maturing after this

I can kinda imagine Harbour to experience similar stuff, knowing he used to make money by stealing and selling relics and there's no way he never got caught, right? Harbour and Breach could make good friends me thinks

Skye gives off energy of a woman who was working her entire youth non-stop and them turned her gaze back and she's already in her 30s and realised she doesn't know anything either about herself or what she even wants in life. I imagine this is why she's so concerned for environment. She started to get really into being eco-friendly after going through existential crisis and realising our planet is dying (I can also imagine her using re-usable stuff, wearing tote-bags and making effort to recycle as much as she can).

Astra just gives off energy of this one cool rich aunt who has no children and always brings presents to her nephews when visiting (and to be this aunt you usually need to be 30+ even tho it's optional ahaha)

No one knows Fade's real age and people kinda assume she's younger bc of her style, but she's at the age when she doesn't care what people would think and wears whatever she wants (tho she should take care of herself better, drinking this much coffee can only go without concequences when you're 20, girlie please get proper sleep)

36-40

People like to imagine Reyna as a young woman but in my mind she's on the older side. She just gives off the energy of someone going through hell and back in her life (I know she has a younger sister but siblings can in fact have big age differences) I also may or may not like older women but this one is between me and my ao3 history

Cypher is around 40 I think, simply because he used to have wife and a child and I imagine it's been some time since they passed. Tho probably no more than 10 years, as he still thinks about reviving them (the voiceline about him asking Sage if she can revive anybody), but not to the point of actually following through, as if he mostly healed, but not moved on completely

41-46

Is for Viper and Brim because they are way too tired of others' shit to be younger

If talking seriously, there's no way Brim is not pushing 50s as a literal commander, even tho his problems with electronics might be questionable even for this age group, but I don't see him being older

As for Viper, she as well as Reyna just gives off energy of someone who has seen some shit, also her being a scientist I can imagine it takes many many years to have such recearch it also may be or may not be same situation as with Reyna but this is not a crime

kinda immortal

Tier explains itself, these are agents whose age doesn't affect their mental state/maturity like Kayo and Omen

Even tho Omen used to be one of the agents and is probably in the same age group as them, if I had to guess he might be somewhere in 36-40 tier

Also Kayo is probably not even manufactured yet in this timeline, but I can't make "-25" tier ya know

This is it, thank you for reading, let me now if you have any thoughts about it!

[nimrism]

could you make this post? please, it's so fascinating i really want to hear your thoughts on it

"The Dark Tower" Morgwen Interactions Analysis

i've literally been waiting for someone to ask me this so i can go all out in answer, so you're literally my favorite- THANK YOU! i've tried to put all the thoughts swirling around in my head into one coherent post, so strap in and let's LOOK AT THE IMPLICATIONS (from my perspective)!

first and most importantly, i want to zero in on morgana's choice of kidnapee; she could've chosen anyone in camelot, any one of the knigts who were regularly privy to arthur's battle plans and schedule, but nope. if we're looking at it from the perspective of "she needs the closest person to arthur" wouldn't that be merlin? she could have kidnapped and brainwashed him; he would've made for a fabulous inconspicious mole in the court, and arthur literally goes to him for anything and everything. i actually think it would make for a really interesting au/fic if it were merlin who was kidnapped instead of gwen (love confession/magic reveal possibilities are ENDLESS), but maybe it's a little too close to the plot of "a servant of two masters" and the writers didn't want to be repetitive. i'm going to be biased and delusional in believing that morgana did choose gwen, in particular, for more personal reasons as well as for her nefarious ones.

the way i see it (and this is obviously very objective), by the time we get to this point in s5, morgana is LONELY, like, has-no-one-in-the-world-except-aithusa type of lonely, and her choice of allies has been lacking diversity as of late (why are they all men 💀), AND they all end up dying anyway. so, she needs a plan, and she needs a trusted ally (she also needs a bit of love and lip balm cause DAMN). BUT the thing is, why would anyone be loyal to her? she's never kept any allies (or friends) thanks to her wit and charm alone, she's only ever kept men loyal to her by striking fear in their hearts. it's the same for her friends and family, i think. she doesn't believe they even tolerate her existence, so she needs to be crowned queen to subdue them and FORCE them to respect her. the same goes for gwen. she was only morgana's friend when morgana was a naive and vulnerable girl, plagued by nightmares and unexplained fears, and the second morgana grew out of them (or learned to control them) gwen stopped being affectionate, stopped being open. that's how morgana sees it, and it only reinforces her belief that gwen would never understand the person she's become now, she wouldn't quite see what morgana was trying to do. unless morgana forced her to.

the whole kidnapping affair was to MAKE gwen understand, because she wouldn't do it of her own free will. gwen would never willingly be on morgana's side, so she had to jump through a few morally questionable hoops to bring her over. in the end, i do believe all morgana really wanted was a friend (maybe a little bit more, amirite ladies), though by this point her concept of friendship had become twisted beyond recognition, and in all the chaos, this was the only way she thought she could have one. throughout the episode, a lot of the old morgana shines through, even if it is portrayed as just manipulation, and i do think that was her either slipping back into old habits or forcing herself to, for the sake of the brainwashing and for the sake of their friendship that she's trying to rekindle.

a point that i've seen several people make is that between the niceties, the "real" morgana peeks through several times throughout the ep, but i kinda disagree. i don't necessarily think that just because her smile drops, it means that the niceties were a facade and her "evil" side pops back out. i read the sudden change in expression more as disappointment. gwen fights back with such vigour that it's probably painful for morgana to realize that her former friend sees her as nothing more than an evil witch who's hell-bent on hurting her, now. she's disappointed that gwen, who was supposed to know her best, believes what the others do, and doesn't believe that morgana is being sincere in her offer of friendship.

a small remark i also have is: why wasn't morgana one of the visions/hallucinations gwen had in the dark tower? it's interesting to see that the closest three people to gwen are her brother, arthur, and merlin, of all people. i feel like gwen's history with morgana has to have had a lasting effect on both of them, even if morgana is supposed to be "evil" now. you don't stop loving someone just because they've chosen (or BEEN chosen by) the dark side. morgana was one of the people gwen cared about most in seasons 1 through 3 (s3 is pushing it a little, but still), it doesn't really make sense for it all to be forgotten so completely like we see in this episode. i also think it would've been super interesting to see a hallucination of younger morgana in particular, partially as a reminder that part of gwen still cares about morgana and largely because i'd like to see how gwen would react to that vision... would it differ from the other three? what would morgana do? would she sneer and laugh like elyan and arthur? would she do a little rawr like merlin (😭)? i feel like a ficlet is in order for this concept cause i would like to see it but i have to imagine it first (but that's the hard part 😭)

NOW ONTO THE MOST DELICIOUS PART OF THIS ANALYSIS: THE QUOTES

M: "Would you prefer some chicken?"

i just found this one hilarious tbh like she's so out of pocket what are you doing offering your kidnapee some chicken and WHAT WAS THE OTHER OPTION, IF NOT CHICKEN?

M: "I know how lonely you must be, all by yourself in that room. At least you're not shackled, and there's daylight. You can move, you can see."

oof. she's obviously referring to her own capture and torture, pulling from her own experience. it's heartwrenching that morgana has been through all of this, traumatised beyond reason, but it's even more heartwrenching that she thinks she's doing gwen a service, like this. it might not seem like that to any sane person, but after everything she's been through, morgana's worldview is completely different. in her mind, however twisted and detached it has become, she's being merciful to gwen this way, giving her luxuries that she was never afforded when she was captured. (including a warm meal with chicken at miss havisham's table 🤩)

M: "I too have suffered, Gwen. I spent two years living in darkness. I spent two years chained to a wall at the bottom of a pit... You did not know."

goddddd this line... it's just so painful, so powerful, so indicative of SO MANY THINGS. it's EVERYTHING. every acting choice katie and angel made in this scene was brilliant but ESPECIALLY their facial expressions in this particular part WOAH. the way morgana's voice cracks on the word "pit" is DEVASTATING. i was floored. the way gwen's face falls as she processes her words and they properly set in... INCREDIBLE. the concern in gwen's eyes is palpable as she realizes the horrors inflicted on her friend. and the final "you did not know" was so, so powerful. morgana realizes that gwen didn't know about and clearly wasn't okay with what she went through. gwen had no part in it. morgana SMILES at gwen's reaction, but instead of it being a smile of malice or evil it's one of RELIEF, and one that she hides very promptly. she's reassured in the knowledge that gwen had no idea she had suffered so immensely, and that, more importantly, she wasn't involved in it. it's SO important to note that morgana has no idea whether arthur had a hand in her own torture or not. it's especially not a good look on him that he invites the sarrum as a friend of camelot so soon after the events of "the dark tower", so, as far as morgana knows, he could've been a "friend" when she was being tortured for years, too. i wonder what would've happened if morgana had kidnapped gwen AFTER the sarrum's visit to camelot... i feel like that would have complicated things with gwen much further, if morgana thought she was complicit in her imprisonment.

M: "I would have sold my soul for someone to show me kindness such as this."

only two points on this heartbreaking line: 1- FUCK the sarrum of amata. all my homies HATE the sarrum. s4 and s5 morgana might both be textbook cases of "evil", but they're two VERY different people with two very different worldviews and tactics. morgana's imprisonment turned her into the cold husk of a person she is by s5. and 2- this just further confirms that morgana thinks she's doing gwen a favor, dining with her and letting sunlight into her room and choosing not to tie her up etc.

M: "Your hands are cold... I have a warm fire going for you."

oh boy is this a MOMENT. the way morgana keeps her hand held out. the way gwen reluctantly puts her hand in hers (MORGWEN HAND-HOLD!) *ivy by taylor swift starts playing out of nowhere* {ohhhhh goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine, but it's been promised to another, ohhh}

um anyway i digressed. then the way gwen wriggles her hand out of morgana's grasp, while morgana grips her fingers with unwavering determination... it's just delicious.

M: "Anything you want, you can have. I'll give it to you."

idk about you but personally i'm SOLD. take all my money. i read this as morgana trying her utmost best to sell gwen on joining her, but i can also see the manipulation laced in it.

G: "Why are you doing this?"

M: "Because we're friends. We always were."

to me, this reinforces the theory that morgana's just trying to get her friend back on her side. by stating that they've always been friends, morgana reaffirms their friendship as much to herself as to gwen. she was her friend once, and she can be again.

M: "I'm helping you. I'm looking after you."

this sort of feels like morgana is telling herself that, more than she's telling gwen. maybe it's just part of the manipulation process, but i do believe that this was morgana's conscience reassuring her that what she's doing is in gwen's favor and that she's being kind to her.

M: "It's alright, I'm here."

UGH this line. morgana is being the person she needed when she was imprisoned. this scene is also a parallel to all the times morgana woke up screaming in the middle of the night and gwen was there to comfort her in s1/2. this time the tables have turned and it's morgana comforting gwen. simply delicious.

M: "My darling, I was wrong to make you suffer."

TEA! to say that this line was spoken from the bottom of morgana's heart might just be a bit too delusional, but i like to think there's at least some truth to it. torturing gwen had a lot of paralells to morgana's own imprisonment and torture, and she did want to make her suffer, at least in the beginning. but it was also different from what morgana went through. this is NOT to justify torture, btw, torture is BAD, but her "manipulation" tactics got a bit too personal at some point, and i like to think at least a part of it was genuine.

G: "No. Whatever twisted game you're playing, I want no part in it. I would rather stay here and die."

ouch. gwen's resistance to the last possible minute shows such strength on her part (cause me? i would've given in before she even dragged me through the desert tbh) and it gave us such a delicious performance from angel; the reluctance? the uncertainty? the distrust? the relief that morgana is there but also the FEAR of what she's doing? the contradiction between the morgana that gwen once knew and the morgana that everyone KNOWS is evil? but the morgana that gwen once knew is shining through now, and she's saying everything gwen wants to hear... grade-A angst.

IN CONCLUSION they're gfs your honor, this was all just a plot to snatch gwen back from arthur cause morgana didn't think seducing her herself would work. (this phrase could be in reference to this ep or the "lancelot du lac" ep i'm cackling morgana really is hopeless) there are also SEVERAL psychological layers to it, but describing it this way is just easier.

SO... this is possibly the longest post i've ever made. it got a little more comprehensive than i originally thought it would be, but THERE YOU HAVE IT! that's my take on the morgwen interactions in the dark tower. if i seem a little biased, that's because i 100% am :) i hope that clears things up. this is an open invitation to keep sending me asks (even if it's about the most random things ever) cause i love them and i love every single person who sends in an ask, and a public apology for how long these answers get sometimes 😭

[rollercoasterwords]

I recently caught up on ATWMD and it is such an incredible story. You are an insanely talented writer. Your prose is so vivid and the complex characters and storyline are just 10/10. Amazing. Thank you!

I have a question if you're open to giving your opinion! I feel like the group (Remus, Lily, and James) seemed to accept Regulus quicker and easier than Sirius. They seem much colder to Sirius (at the start at least) than they were to Regulus when he first arrived. Like the wandless magic lessons for instance. When Imelda won't teach Regulus, James does it personally. But I didn't get the impression they'd do the same for Sirius. They seemed more likely to cut him loose.

Is this just because of the circumstances for how they each end up with the order? Or do you think there's more to it? Or is it just because we didn't see Regulus POV at the time of him arriving with the order so it's just a matter of it being the past?

hi thank u!! glad ur enjoying the fic <3 & i think i answered a similar question to this before but i don't feel like scrolling back thru my own blog 2 find it so. happy 2 go thru it again i love talking abt these characters <3

essentially the difference in their responses is down to the different circumstances in how each brother joined the order, yeah, but all 3 of them also respond pretty differently, so going one by one:

lily honestly doesn't respond all that differently to either brother; w reg she was kinda cold at first out of hurt/jealousy over what she perceived as his budding relationship w james, assuming that reg would become another in the long line of casual hookups & knowing that she herself could never sleep w james without probably ruining their friendship bc of her own feelings, etc. & then once they have their little bonding moment where they both kinda realize they're in the same boat (unrequited feelings that go deeper than just wanting a casual hookup, knowing that those feelings will wreck things if they do ever sleep w james) & make their unofficial little pact (no sex w james potter) they become very close. so lily's initial response has less to do w how she perceives the other person as being good/bad & more to do w her own personal feelings towards them. when sirius shows up she's the only one of the 3 who's initially pretty kind + welcoming + essentially just treats him somewhat normally, bc she doesn't personally feel any animosity towards him but also isn't immediately going to be best friends w him, knowing who he was. she also has a slightly different perspective, tho, bc she's close w reg & knows that reg thinks sirius is a good person, and trusts his judgment. for lily, all the stuff with the death eaters is less...personal? ig? even tho it's had a very significant impact on her life; she was rescued by the order as a young child & raised w them, so she never directly experienced the kinds of oppression that muggleborn wizards typically face from death eaters + voldemort's regime etc, and she also does most of her work within order hq in potions labs and isn't necessarily fighting face-to-face w these people, so although she views them as the enemy she just isn't as emotionally connected on an individual level & therefore has an easier time looking past sirius's history and judging him as she finds him when he joins the order.

james, on the other hand, is personally connected & fighting death eaters face-to-face; they aren't just a monolithic Enemy to him, he hates them as individuals, too. he also has a more black-and-white view of a morality and a different idea of what courage looks like, and values what he perceives as courage very highly. so for james, he viewed regulus as this sort of brave lone warrior from the start for deciding to break away from the death eaters + fight a cave of zombies + try to destroy a horcrux on his own--james thinks that's badass + brave + noble, and that colors his perception of reg from the start. even when reg insists that he's not a hero, james still thinks what he did was heroic, and that paired w the fact that he was never a high-ranking death eater before breaking away makes his involvement w them forgivable--in james's eyes, reg has atoned for his past and is now trustworthy, which is why he likes him from the beginning. sirius, on the other hand, doesn't make the decision to join the order; he's basically forced into it. bc of that, james views him as a coward and looks down on him when they first meet; this is where a lot of his animosity is coming from. + sirius doesn't exactly jump at the chance to join the order, giving the impression that he's still loyal to voldemort, which just makes that animosity worse. it's not until sirius starts to "prove" himself thru action that james begins to trust him more, bc action is really what speaks to james + what he views as a testament to someone's character.

and then there's remus, who disliked both brothers from the start. unlike either james or lily, he's grown up under voldemort's regime & has directly experienced violence + oppression in ways that neither of them has, so he hates every death eater on an individual level for good reason--in his eyes, they have all made the personal decision to uphold + perpetuate violence (which is true!), and he doesn't care why they made that decision; nothing excuses it. we don't really see his reaction to reg joining the order bc he's not really around order hq as much, but remus was wary towards him from the start & even tho he eventually accepted that reg was working w them now, he's never befriended reg the way lily + james did & he never feels close to him or even really likes him. and his relationship w sirius is a whole other can of worms lol...hopefully the story is enough to show why remus treats him the way he does, but really the only reason he doesn't just keep ignoring sirius the way he kinda does reg is bc of their history together + the feelings between them. otherwise he'd probably just be standoffish to both of them!

[stilljuststardust]

𝑨𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒖𝒔𝒕

Masterlist

Hello! I'm stardust!

This blog is about my personal experiences with LOA and reality shifting. My experiences don't necessarily reflect everyone's and I absolutely welcome multiple perspectives but my posts will reflect my personal perspective. I see LOA and shifting as interlinked concepts and so my posts for either will be applicable to both.

There are no limits. Nothing can truly stop you, anything I point out as a blockage or hindrance is just a suggestion because in all reality you get to decide if it's a blockage or not. You can decide that something works for you and that will be that.

My feelings on asks

I love answering asks! People who are new to this or have questions are welcome. There are no dumb questions and I don't mind repeating myself. If something I say confuses you I'll gladly explain it.

I am so so thankful to everyone in this community, I honestly didn't think that this blog would go anywhere and when I started I was kinda just speaking into the void. It makes me so happy that people care what I think. It's a privilege to answer the questions y'all send me ty ty ty. Also so much love to my mutuals I love y'all so much.

Why I started my blog

I started this blog during honestly one of the roughest months of my life so far where I kinda felt like I was losing my mind. I thought what the hell, I'll scream into the void on Tumblr. I'll be anonymous and nobody is gonna see anything I post.

I ended up seriously reconstructing my veiws on reality itself and finally finding peace in LOA.

Something just finally clicked and suddenly I'm recovering and healing faster than ever.

I've had a lot of bad experiences in the shifting community, as most of us have at one point or another, but the Tumblr community is very warm and kind thank you so much I'm glad to be here. It's a small community but you've made a big impact.

Me

I'm autistic, 18, any pronouns, and I'm pretty private about my DRs. That doesn't stop me from simp posting for my DR boyfriend though. I am a permashifter so there won't be any stories sorry. There will always be a Stardust in this reality but once I shift I'm not shifting back. Hell, it could've already happened.

Some LOA/shifting mutuals of mine you should seriously check out (ily guys):

@punchliiine @starnightlover @versethetic

[majimasleftasscheek]

I was wondering if you had any nsfw headcanons re: tigerfish? mostly asking cause i was thinking about the idea of nishiki doing his little hair-slick-back thing whenever he’s feeling Spicy (more dominant, regardless of position) so if/when he does that when they’re making out or whatever saejima knows what’s coming hehe

hope this isn’t too uncomfy to ask or anything! thanks for making me a fan of this tiny little ship lmao <3

not uncomfy at all! I'm always happy to talk about nsfw 😏

*as usual, even tho I talk about em as cis dudes, yall are welcome to imagine them however 😌

so prolly an uncommon take but Saejima's always sorta sat on the ace spectrum for me personally like he's into people but not in a way that's like something he'd go out and seek nor really need to be happy. not into being touchy feely with people he's just met and needs a bit of emotional bonding to let that happen *insert some joke about him making everyone he meets his kyoudai lol*. so when it comes to Nishiki, he feels a lot more comfy being openly intimate since they've gotten plenty of time to know each other in jail. Nishiki on the other hand, gives me casual guy™ vibes so he's into slapping the salmon whenever however but not in a wildin' type of way. he's into trying new things but also enjoys comfortable patterns that don't necessarily have to change anything up.

so when they're first shooting the shit about getting their freak on, I can see Nishiki being kinda surprised at first by Saejima's preferences but totally gets it too. he's used to Kiryu being a loner type who isn't exactly going out of his way for the ultimate boner experience. where they differ tho is Saejima is experienced while Kiryu just sorta bumbles through it. Saejima on the other hand, sees Nishiki who was a prominent crime boss and conventionally very pretty so he's thinking oh yeah Nishiki's prolly some kind of sex pest but is pleasantly surprised when Nishiki's more than considerate and patient.

now, Nishiki's been with people of all sorts so he knows his shit while Saejima is more like yeah I know my stuff but I ain't into it enough to really know if I'm performing up to the standards for my partner. he has a good bit of anxiety about that sorta thing and Nishiki didn't really believe him at first cuz like, just look at him. Saejima doesn't look like he'd have anxieties about anything so that's a hurdle they'd have to cross. Nishiki ends up being the lead in most cases, if anything to show the types of things he likes and to give Saejima confidence that he's doing a good job.

when Nishiki leads, he's either topping or power bottoming which defo pumps up the fish ego. but when tiger tops, it's more of a service top thing - he wants to see Nishiki pass the FUCK out lol. he wants to see toes CURL, he wants that ex patriarch to BEG for more. it makes him happy, knowing he can bring Nishiki down a peg for all the pride he's got in him. for Nishiki, it's a nice balance of leaving the work to Saejima while still being in control, even more so when he's going evil mode and gets a mad kick out of having such an imposing man at his beck and call hohohehe.

Saejima's very much not horny ever so Nishiki's gotta be the one to get him in the mood which is perfectly fine for the two of em. it's part of their foreplay, lots of talking and touching and even if it doesn't pan out to anything, they still enjoy just being around each other.

when Nishiki tops he's real sweet about it, very handsy and slick, doing everything you'd expect out of a well choreographed movie tbh. it's a very ideal time and Saejima just sorta gets lost in it, unused to being treated well and gentle. he's definitely prone to being a bit more emotional during these times and not afraid to show it which shocked Nishiki for a time until he got used to it and has come to really enjoy bringing such feelings out of him.

EVIL MODE so there's occasions where Nishiki's into the rougher stuff *insert whatever your heart desires here* and it's a lil bit embarrassing for him cuz there's been occasions with past partners where it's not exactly been the most enjoyable experience for either party, due to inexperience or going too far, etc. he's a lil too eager and too aggressive for his own good, especially back then cuz he had some aha issues to work out and ended up unintentionally taking it out on others.

so insert Saejima who proposes hey let's try out whatever the hell that maybe other people couldn't handle and Nishiki's hesitant, thinking, oh nah you already have anxieties and I can't do that to you but it's in the back of his mind like I want to tho. a big component of nsfw tigerfish to me is that they have a theme of taking time to get to things with a certain gentleness unlike my kazumaji hcs where they have a very intense, impulsiveness to them. so it takes a hot minute for Nishiki to open up this more aggressive side of him that for a long time he's suppressed cuz he felt that there's no place for it even tho it's very much a part of him.

so when Nishiki does eventually start to tip toe into his more perverse kinks, Saejima gives him comfort in that nothing really shocks him about what he wants and he's more than ready to handle it physically. with Nishiki leading, it's a good time for the two of em; Saejima can be of service while Nishiki can feel freer to explore this part of himself without judgment or so much worry.

after all that, aftercare! very important. it's usually Saejima who takes care of Nishiki, wrapping him up and massaging out the jitters. sometimes, one or both of them can experience some mixed emotions from a variety of things, performance worries, trauma, etc so they spend a lotta time just talking to each other. there's a lot of reassurances but also just a lot of wanting someone to listen.

random shit

Saejima loves some good head and body worship. he knows he's got a fine bod so complimenting him is the good shit 👌

Nishiki's all about smooches whether they be deep ones or just lil pecks here and there. ever since post y1, he's been one for enjoying simpler affections, especially when he knows his partner means it.

Saejima's a handsy drunk with people he's close to, but it's all cuddles and kissing and then passing the fuck out.

as a material girl in a material world, Nishiki gets off to gift giving lol. definitely has a praise kink but you gotta be a bit careful. be too dick sucky and he starts to feel like you're just patronizing him.

both of em are into overstimulation for different reasons: Saejima likes the intenseness and Nishiki likes inflicting it (receiving it ain't so bad either). Nishiki doesn't exactly have Saejima's stamina so they got a lotta toys just for the occasion 👀 there's been many a time where Saejima gets into it more than Nishiki can handle and he's then down for the count.

Nishiki tends to keep his prosthetic arm on and doesn't particularly like bringing attention to his disfigurement in general so when he's being intimate, he wants to be treated as if his body is like anyone else's. in that way, he's not into body worship at all, as he sort of warps it into pity he doesn't want.

Nishiki's possessive - not to the same extent Majima is @ Kiryu but it's there in the sense of like, look at this guy, he's mine.

bonus monster AU stuff 👀

as a literal tiger man, Saejima's got a lot of cat characteristics including loving pets and pats. Nishiki's learned very quickly which spots are best to get Saejima riled up and fiesty ;)

that being said, he's got a spikey dick lol. the spines aren't harmful, they more or less lock his partner to him which can end up being inconvenient if they're in a hurry.

big claws = lots of big scratches all up Nishiki's back. Saejima gets nervous he's hurting him but Nishiki think it's pretty hot to be marked up.

[somewhat-insane]

Hey, I'm the anon who asked for the jealous headcanons, you can call me 🐔anon

I was thinking, since I was craving angst and I'm allergic to happiness.

What about cheating headcanons for Monkey King and Macaque (separate)?

Aka: the monkeys find out their S/O is cheating on them

Up to you to decide how they find out :p (extra points if their are cheating with the other monkey, as in : Sun Wukong S/O is cheating with Macaque and vice-versa)

Oooo~ This'll be fun. I'm not the type to read angst like this, but I love writing it. (Even though I suck at it-)

~Cheating S/O~

~Sun Wukong~

Knew pretty early on but didn't want to believe it

It started with him joking when he smelled Macaque on you that you were cheating but when you acted kinda shifty about it he began to believe it

He seems to use disassociation and avoidance as his main coping mechanisms so if you were cheating on him with just another mortal he'd probably ignore it for a lot longer and act like everything's fine (while becoming more and more possessive and desperate since he knows any time you're not spending with him you could be spending with them) but the fact it's specifically Macaque really messes with him

Not just because of his rivalry with Macaque but also because it kinda feels like the universe is punishing him. He hurt Macaque and now Macaque is getting what Wukong wants.

He won't outwardly confront you but he will follow and watch you

He reasons it's because he's worried Macaque will hurt you and his poor little heart breaks a little more each time :[

He wants to give you the chance to come clean but the longer it goes on the more passive-aggressive he gets

"Hey Wukong can you pass me the-"

"Why don't you get Macaque to do it?"

He's a mess when he's left alone with his thoughts. He's angry and hurt. He wants to be angry at you but he can't because he still believes he doesn't deserve you. But damnit he wants you and he definitely doesn't trust Macaque with you.

Similar to how the "Macaque" episode went, I feel like Wukong would only intervene if Mac does try to hurt you or reveals he was just using you

You can see how it slowly eats at him, your once happy monkey doesn't come to greet you at the door, he stops eating with you, and the only time you're together anymore is when you're in bed at night, but even then Wukong distances himself

Eventually, if this continues, MK might even have to step in to confront you because Wukong won't even get out of bed

He sees you as so perfect and believes you deserve so much better than him; he believes its all his fault for not being enough.

Alternative Ending (fluff (kind of) ending):

Uh-oh, turns out Macaque was manipulating you

This ending plays out more like the "Macaque" episode where Mac turns on you, Wukong saves you, you apologize, he's all huffy, and then you hug (and kiss and cuddle and... other couple stuff-)

He's 100% not letting you out of his sight ever again though

~Macaque~

Just like Wukong, he knows pretty early on

He doesn't bother hoping he's wrong, he immediately believes the worst because he's convinced the universe has a personal vendetta against him

He either finds out through scent, hearing, or because he already follows you in the shadows (man has issues)

Bitter af and seems to use a deflection coping mechanism

Deep down he feels he doesn't deserve you and this is all his fault

But he's not ready to face those thoughts so instead he just blames Wukong.

Oh and of course it's with Wukong; the man who took everything from him, of course he'd take you too

He leans more into pure rage; not necessarily directed at you, more towards Wukong, but he does have moments where he'll lash out at you

He's more confrontational and will yell at you for cheating on him, but he doesn't stick around long enough to have a genuine conversation about that

You're not even really sure if you're still dating or not or if that was his way of ending the relationship-?

Whatever progress he had made healing is almost immediately down the drain.

Unlike Wukong, he's a lot less likely to cling. He'll start distancing himself to make it hurt less

One day he'll just disappear

At that point, he's genuinely mad at you instead of just at Wukong

Pretty much feels the same about you now as he felt about Wukong in S1 - S3

He can't bring himself to try and kill you though

He is going to make your life hell while watching from the shadows though

~

Sorry this took so longgg! I am not good at staying on track with social media stuff. I digress. I hope you enjoyed this? I'm the kind of person who is very weak hearted when it comes to reading angst so, unfortunately, I don't have a lot of knowledge about it.

[pencileraser1]

:0 penny for your thoughts on Neil, Charlie + Knox and their parental relationships?

ok so i have had a post floating around in m drafts about this that i just didn't finish so here it is but finished:

charlie and knox in the drop the annual scene in particular i find interesting. watching charlie specifically you can tell a lot about both his relationship with neil and his relationship with his parents. when neil and mr. perry leave the room and he just kinda looks at the door with this sort of angry, almost vindictive look and it was like. he knows!! he understands exactly what neil's father is like!! and then there's the "so i don't like it any more than you do" line after that which makes it clear that charlies parents are about as controlling an neil's father. we put so much emphasis on todd's relationship with neil but i think neil and charlie's relationship is also really fucking interesting. overall the way charlie deals with how controlling his parents are is very different to neil (intentionally acting out vs. trying incredibly hard to fulfill their expectations) but their parents are actually probably extremely similar in a lot of ways.

i've always gotten the impression that knox had a good relationship with his parents, particularly when compared to neil charlie and todd, but i didn't really have any concrete reasoning other than just inferences. after rewatching the movie the last few times i think its just how he seems so content to mostly do the things his parents want him to do. he goes to the danburry's kind of rolling his eyes about it but other than that seems fully content just to go. he's the one who tells neil to tell his dad off. neil points out that knox and charlie don't go against their parents; charlie's says that he doesn't like being controlled by them either, and knox says nothing. plus from one cutscene you find out he's in the "sons of alumni" club. which doesn't necessarily mean anything but could?? i guess. he says that his parents will kill him for trying to go after chris but still does it without really thinking about the consequences, which contrasts with neil doing everything he can to prevent his father from finding out about the play and charlie submitting the article in a way that is hinted he did to get into trouble on purpose.

idk i just think the contrast between knox vs. neil vs. charlie's relationships with their parents is interesting. like all three having specific expectations put on them but while charlie and neil very much don't want to fulfill those expectations, knox doesn't seem to mind being exactly the person his parents want him to be. additionally i do think knox's parents may be a lot less strict which probably also adds to that difference. meanwhile charlie and neil definitely seem to feel the stress that's being put on them by their parents, but act in opposite ways because of it. neil tries extremely hard to follow what his parents want him to do whereas charlie is shown repeatedly and intentionally acting out because of it. instead of hiding everything he does that his parents wont approve of like neil, he makes what he's doing extremely obvious. the most obvious time was submitting the article to the school paper, to which nolan literally tells him that he isn't the first student to try to get expelled. and while i'm not sure how hard charlie Was trying to get expelled (i don't think that was the only motivation although it was probably part of it, the movie makes a point to tell us that and probably wouldnt've if it werent true. and in the end he does get expelled. neil on the other hand tries so hard to not directly go against his parents that he decides that killing himself is the best option. his justification of "i can't tell my dad i'm in the play because if he doesn't know, i won't be directly disobeying him" is very telling. and finally while knox does say that his parents will kill him if he tries to get with chris, he makes very little effort either trying to hide it from his parents, or trying to make it obvious in the way charlie did. he seems to actually be most concerned about chet danburry's reaction, and that is the only person he does anything different because of. while his parents may be mad at him for getting with chris, he likely isn't nearly as concerned about their reaction, given that other than mentioning they'd be mad, he does nothing about it

[scammydoesstuff]

heya, I saw your post and I'm really sorry you had a disappointing experience with Neil; I get that BG3 and Astarion shot him to fame but there's still a lot of fans around for his older roles actively posting fics and art (karl, nikolai ginoviev, kamsi etc), so it's not a dead fandom by any means. Village isn't an 'old' game either (it's only 3 years old??) and anyone who says so is wrong imo. I hope your week gets better~

Thank you for the kind words.

I've been mostly spending the last week recovering from being sick and drawing to get out the negative feelings while also trying to rationalize a lot of that interaction.

Honestly, I didn't want to make that post super long, so I didn't go in-depth with all of it for the sake of brevity (because I tend to over explain and get to be very long winded - as you're about to see). I do want to insist that I don't necessarily blame Neil for it being negative. I'm sure it was mostly on me and I'm also sure I was overreacting. Drawing that was just my way of getting out some of those negative feelings instead of spiraling.

So, in regards to the convention: we wound up waiting basically 2 days to even meet Neil. Not...because we wanted to, mind. His line was crazy long every day and it wasn't uncommon to see people sitting down in his line, usually waiting for him to come back from a panel or a photo op. All the lines were moving slow all weekend, though. Not just his. That was one of my biggest issues with the convention as a whole and a critique genuinely unique to this one since the last Fan Expo I went to wasn't nearly that bad.

Our weekend was unfortunately pretty booked as well, so we couldn't wait all day and, after being in his line for nearly 3 hours that morning and barely moving, we had to leave for a lunch reservation with some friends who could only be there for one day after he left for a panel, cutting the line off. They did give out little numbers to anyone who'd been waiting up until that point to hop back into line later that day, however, if we had somewhere to be.

Due to short staffing at the restaurant, lunch also ran long and we didn't end up getting back until about an hour before the convention hall was set to close. We ran to Neil's line where they were cutting it off and, I'm super ashamed to admit, I let my boyfriend lie our way back into line (he told them we were leaving that night instead of staying the full 3 days we'd paid for, which coerced them to let us enter the line anyway) and spent the rest of the wait feeling guilty and really tempted to leave despite knowing on some level that this would likely be our last chance for the weekend. That's still on me. I could've said no and just left and not been a total piece of shit, but I didn't. Granted, other people got in line after us, so they weren't being that strict about it anyway, but I digress.

Regardless, we were already pushing it and I know that and I regret it. When we get to the front, I already wanted to keep things brief; get an autograph if I could, but mostly show him the Heisenberg plushie I'd made not long after the game came out.

(this is the plushie, btw. He took months to complete because he's entirely hand sewn - with the face being hand-embroidered - and was a major comfort project because of a lot of things going on in my personal life at the time that were causing me major stress. I've been hoping Neil would come to a con close enough for us to travel to at least so I could show him and this weekend was finally the opportunity I was waiting on).

So, we get to the front of the line and I see that he doesn't have any Village prints. Frankly, outside of Astarion, he doesn't have any other character prints except for one, which was a general Resident Evil group kinda thing with all the Resident Evil characters he'd done. There might've been one other, but I don't think it was for a character? It might've just been a headshot, but I could be wrong. I just know it wasn't Heisenberg-related, so I do not remember it clearly.

I was disappointed, but I decided to get the Resident Evil print anyway. I was initially going to have him sign a trench coat I'd made while working on the plushie. It was kinda practice to learn how to make the coat for that project and now it's just...my Heisenberg coat that I wear in winter. It's very warm. But I never ended up showing it to him after we finally get in front of him because the guilt was just too much.

So we start off and I was trying to be jokey and playful as I said 'I'm kinda disappointed you didn't have any Heisenberg prints' while showing him the plushie, but I can definitely see how, regardless of the tone I was trying to use, didn't come across right. So maybe *I* came off as rude instead despite trying to just...start a conversation about how I really liked Heisenberg? Totally possible. I'm not denying that.

And that's when Neil said that they don't bring prints along for Heisenberg anymore. That Village is an older game, so they don't get a lot of requests for it anyway and thus they save space when traveling. More disappointing. I started feeling worse because I could tell he was tired. It was the longest day for the exhibition hall to be open and he was still going even after everyone else was closing. He did arrive an hour after the hall opened, but it was still a long day, I know. I felt guilty and shitty, but, once he was done signing, I could properly show off the plushie - including the little cigars I'd made that he can hold cuz he has magnets in his hands. Maybe that would make him smile and lift his mood, y'know? So I was excited for his reaction and...

Nothing. Maybe a little laugh in that 'oh, that's cute' kinda way. He kinda did the voice when he saw it, but not really. I just...felt myself sink. I felt so embarrassed to have been so excited for this. My boyfriend asked if he could get a picture of Neil holding it and he did, but I was just...done. I wanted to leave because I realized that this was a mistake. It was late, he was tired, and this character doesn't mean much anymore because it's an older game that's been well overshadowed by Baldur's Gate III.

We wrapped up and left and that was it. I couldn't bring myself to say anything about how much Heisenberg meant to me as a character. I couldn't make myself show off the things about the plushie I was so proud of. I just wanted to leave because I felt like such a leech and that I shouldn't have done this.

I'm not dismissing the way I handled all of this. Looking back, I blame myself for my own bad time and I definitely blame myself for that interaction being as bad as it was. Neil was tired and, to a degree, he's right; it's not the new game that everyone's obsessed with right now. I shouldn't take it personally.

But it's easy to say that. It's so much harder to actually follow through with it. I couldn't help but feel upset because everyone else in line who'd seen the plushie would get excited to see it. Even the event manager who was hanging around at the end of the day told me I should sell them. Hell, back in April of this year, I even got to meet Maggie Robertson, who happened to be going to Fan Expo Cleveland (I live in Ohio, so less travel for that one). I thought it'd make her laugh (cuz, y'know, the size difference is accurate, right?) and, despite acting offended that I'd even bring him before her at all, she was still excited to talk about it and seemed to enjoy engaging with it. She was delightful and clearly still loves her character and that game, which made the contrast of meeting Neil so much more striking and...kinda hurtful...

So yeah...Sorry. That's a whole lotta words for 'I'm surely the reason it was so bad', but ye...Kinda got me out of an art funk, I guess. So that's something...maybe...