swarvey

[stitchingcritters]

Pride Frogs Bookmark

Link to Pattern here // my Etsy

[danielslaw]

DARLA AND ANGELANGEL THE SERIES SEASON 2 EPISODE 3

[royalbuffalo17]

based on my likes huh

[kozachenko]

Finally decided to play around with my old lineless style again! Also figured out a way to draw Reimu that I actually really like!

Artist's Notes;

I've mentioned in a few earlier posts that I've been wanting to draw in my lineless style again for a while as a way to test what I've learnt from my previous style in regards to lighting. I did the face first and then for a while was thinking about doing a full body illustration of Reimu just to draw her outfit again. I'll talk about the face first since that's the first drawing I did in this batch.

For the longest time I really couldn't find a way to translate Reimu's face into my style. I was able to make her clothes work out well, just not really her face. I did like elements of how I drew her face a few other times, namely the tiny eyebrows and her pupils, but they didn't really feel like Reimu to me, or at least how I imagined her in my head. I then realized that it was less of a problem with the entire face and moreso the eyes, and it took me quite a bit of trial and error to make something that I was happy with. Also, as much as I thought the tiny eyebrows were cute, it didn't really make sense with her character. Like, from what I know about Japanese history, plucking your eyebrows was something that nobles (rich people) would do, and since Reimu is...neither of those things, I decided to just give her some thicker eyebrows instead (I will be saving the plucked eyebrows for another character though, so they will return). After I got to a face I was happy with, my next challenge was the hair. I did the front part first and liked that enough to continue, and then after more trial and error I realized that deep down I was a short-hair-Reimu-is-best-Reimu-truther this whole time because once I gave up on the long hair and gave her shorter hair something just clicked in my brain. And so, after drawing her outfit in again (this time without the yellow tie which is kinda sad but I'll find a way to incorperate it into future designs because it just was not making sense to me in context with the rest of the outfit) and finnicking around with the bow, I came to a version of Reimu's face that I actually liked. I thought that it made more sense for her character to have her cut it short, mainly because she's doing a bunch of Youkai extermination and she has to keep her hair out of her face somehow. I still wanted to make it kinda messy though, as Reimu is probably too lazy to clean it up herself. I think another reason I like it so much is because in Forbidden Scrollery, Moe Harukawa gave Reimu short hair and that really suited her, so I guess that was just a subconcious reason as to why I liked it so much. I also think that the shorter hair helps to separate her a lot from Marisa, as I think Marisa looks really good with longer hair. Speaking of, now I wanna do a drawing of her and Reimu together to really solidify how I draw them (unlike the previous version where it was just them standing). As much as I do like the face, I am concerned if she looks too much like how I drew Keiki now, but that might just be a product of the stylistic choices I made with her eyes and I might just be overthinking it. I am hyperaware of same face syndrome so that's probably the reason I'm so concerned about it lol.

Now for the fully body drawing. I was struggling to think of a good pose for her, so I just took a picture of myself and used that as a reference while still making slight adjustments for readability's sake. This is another case of, "I've looked at this too long and can spot every single issue with it" but this time I'm still happy with the final product mainly because this was a test drive for how I want to develop my lineless style in the future and for what it is I am more than pleased with the result. The main reason I deviated away from my lineless style was mainly because I was having a hard time with the lighting and making it interesting, and I am so glad that I've finally found a way to make it work! I'm especially happy with the clothes, as I think clothing folds are really fun to draw. I was somewhat inspired by the works of J.C. Lyendecker and the way he draws clothes, though admittedly it is not a one to one, since I mainly wanted to try implying the shading of the clothing folds with shapes (I do really want to do a study of his style one day as his art is incredible). So for the sleeves, I drew in a bunch of triangles where I wanted there to be a strong highlight, roughly coloured in the inside, and then blended them all so it looks like a more subtle. On both of these drawings, I also added in a noise filter to give it some texture (as that's what I used to often do with my drawings) and while I do like it, I might want to experiment with making it more subtle in the future, as it's pretty noticeable in both these drawings. Overall, I'm really happy with the lighting and colours of this drawing, and while I could nitpick several aspects of it (her hand holding the gohei looks too tense, I tried making her look like she was standing on the balls of her feet but the positioning of her Gohei's trail of papers ends up making it look weird, and I could've put more effort into the hair and bow and so many more things), this is more of a piece for me to experiment with my style again, and I'm excited for when I get a new idea for a piece, as I really wanna try some more stuff out with this style!

[gorgeouslypink]

hey pink! I'm so happy, I've finally reached the void state and manifested and it's all thanks to you and @thedoona.

before I get into it, I was able to get into the void state for a few seconds prior to my success so that really boosted my confidence and faith.

my method:

i decided upon the lucid dreaming method. it just seemed the best way. but first i needed to learn to lucid dream. the void community loves fild and ssild but if i tried to do fild or something it would never work so i had to do other things.

#1: reality checks every hour

#2: go to sleep affirming i will get a lucid dream and enter the void

#3: wake up in the 4.5 hours afterwards, rmbr my dream and type it out on my phone notes, then stay up for a bit and then go back to sleep repeating the same affirmation

during the day, I did a meditation a day. I read that maintaining awareness in meditation helps you become aware in your dream and tbh I'm not the best meditator but I put it on my to do list everyday to meditate and I chose a video and would try it.

also I listened to subliminals, I used that apold subconcious file from your challenge and listened to these 3 subs for 30 minutes:

https://youtu.be/HMmycC8BRfk?si=AC29Y8uKna0qkaO4

https://youtu.be/uGLHAp1dDx4?si=K_2gcln0vZ4cSA1X

https://youtu.be/O7rhQq3YGME?si=b-yjxX8sm7FDbWVH

And this sub for 1-2 hour:

https://youtu.be/OlHUujYD9wI?si=6KK8jsyeQ_0H9_t6

i did this since Jan 27th and last night, not only did I get lucid dream but also I first just affirmed a bunch of stuff like I am going to enter the void, the void is easy, I am guaranteed to enter the void because I heard sometimes when people close their eyes during lucid dream they end up waking up so I was scared that happen to me so I affirmed for a bit and then I closed.my eyes and began meditating and almost instantly like in maybe 10 to 20 seconds I was in the void. I knew it because it was expansive and still and then I just affirmed for my void list to.come true and when I awoke this morning, I had everything.

I knew from the second I woke up because I have pretty bad body acne and I manifested all of that away. I manifested df and db and it feels so weird rn but ik I'll get used to it. I also manifested good grades, good friends, etc

I really wanted to thank you and thedoona and I'm so excited to go be living my dream life now!! Bye bye pink I will always remember and treasure you ❤️

Sorry for late response and congratulations love!! Have fun living your dream life, you deserve it! 💖

[jeongintwenty3]

warmth

pairing: bangchan x gn!reader

genre: slight angst, fluff

warnings: reader calls chris stupid (lovingly)

summary: bangchan, being the clingy boyfriend he is, needs your warmth in order for him to sleep; he’ll do anything, to get that.

author’s note: hiii!! i just had to pour my thoughts into a fic and it just hit me how chan’s probably the type of boyfriend that has to hug you to sleep. pardon my mispellings and improper grammar, happy reading loves <3

————————————————————————

arguements are normal happenings in any relationship. whether it be different opinions or a typical debate, these type of mishaps are expected to occur. and that’s exactly what happened tonight.

the clock struck 12, indicating it’s been two hours since their fallout. it may’ve been the lack of sleep or the stress, the two of you got into a heated arguement and spewed things that quite hurt each other. chris lied beside you, with his front facing your back. knowing how stubborn the both of you were when things like this happened, both agreed to talk it out in the morning.

you left the living room first, heading straight to the bathroom to do your night routine and dove head first into your bed, sleep quickly finding you.

chris on the other hand, had a hard time sleeping due to the lack of body warmth from his one and only. yes, he loved sleeping without his shirt on, but he hated the thought of the two of you not cuddling into dreamland.

the lightbulb in his head turned on, aiming for the air conditioner’s remote. decreasing the temperature so it’ll be extremely uncomfortable for one to sleep without someone hugging them, he smiled slightly at the idea. was it mean? he doesn’t really care, he just wants to hug his beloved to sleep.

stirring awake from the cold, you realized how chilly the room was. your thick pajamas did nothing to help you get back to sleep, so in your half-awake state, you subconciously reached out for you boyfriend who’s actually freezing; that’s what he gets for not putting a shirt on even after lowering the temperature drastically.

something inside snapped you conscious, halting your actions. remembering the arguement the both of you had earlier, you pulled away; opting to stand up and find the remote control.

the c in chris stands for clever, he hid the remote prior to your abrupt awakening.

“gimme the remote,” you said softly while putting out your hand, not fully out of your dozed state.

shaking his head playfully, he made grabby hands at you. if you weren’t pissed at him, you’d give in already; but the pride in you didn’t let you do so.

“’m sleeping outside then,” you replied, unamused with his behavior.

quick to stop your actions, he gripped your wrist and literally dragged you into bed. ignoring your tantrum, he tucked the duvet up to both of your chins. caressing your head and enjoying the warmth you’re giving him, he noticed your movements; wanting him to let go.

“i’m sorry baby, i really am,” the man hugging you whispered, “we’ll talk in the morning, for now, let’s stay like this.”

looking into his eyes with your sleepy state, you knew he was genuine. he was always sincere regarding apologies.

having little to zero energy left to fight back, you let out an incoherent okay and almost instantly, you nuzzled up againt his chest, breathing him in. smiling in response, chris placed his head right on top of yours; not forgetting to kiss your temple. letting the warmth of his hands and the duvet engulf you; drowziness swallowing you once again.

feeling both of his arms tightening its grip on you, you managed to let out, “if you wanted to hug me, just say so. no need to lower the temperature into ice age, stupid—”

cutting off your ramble with a peck that took you aback, he giggled seeing your furrowed brows and slightly puckered lips.

“sleep, you need it baby,” the man you loved said, wanting you to get the most of tonight’s rest. “good night, i love you,” he whispered while stroking your hair gently.

“mmm, i love you too, stupid.”

[hina-has-no-life]

Mori Ogai and Regret

Mori in the BSD Manga and Light Novels prides himself in always finding the optimal solution, in pushing his own feelings aside to accomplish the optimal goal for any given situation.

He is a man of logic and carefully wielded cruelty.

We see countless examples of the way he handles things and in the end achieves the best possible solution to his problems.

Killing the old Boss and having Dazai as his witness

Dazai pointing out that he himself is a possible danger to the initial plan

Chuuya remaining a loyal part of the Port Mafia

Driving Dazai away

Getting the Skilled Buisness Permit

The Great War and Yosano

There were all instances where we saw Mori put aside his own emotions and morality to achieve a greater goal. He wielded cruelty, facts and logic as weapons to achieve the in his mind most logical and optimal solution.

But Mori is human. And Humans can not completely disregard and turn off their emotions, no matter how hard they try.

Mori himself says that he has no regrets during the Guild Arc.

But does this like the face of a man void of regrets?

Or this?

In this instance Dazai is choosing the words that will invoke the feeling of Regret in Mori to push him towards choosing a truce with the ADA.

Dazai is aware that Mori has regrets.

But so is Hirotsu.

His inclusion in any conversations Dazai and Mori have regarding the old Boss tells us, as the reader, that Hirotsu knows the full picture.

He isn't just aware that Mori killed the old Boss like other people, but also of Mori's goal from that act.

Hirotsu even goes as far as to tell Mori that Dazai understands why Mori did what he did, implies that Dazai would also understand other actions Mori takes to reach the optimal solution.

But this also shows us something different.

Mori needs reminders.

After Mori killed the old PM Boss Dazai became a constant reminder of why he did what he did. It was inevitable that Dazai would forever remind Mori of the act itself and the initial reasoning behind it, since Dazai was present and Dazai helped him plan it.

Once Dazai left the Mafia Hirotsu transformed into a reminder of it all. In some way Kouyou is also a reminder of what he did and why he did it.

But why these two?

They were there during the reign of the old Boss.

But how does Mori remember the regrets of another part of his past? How does he remind himself of a time where he miscalculated, where he should have taken the emotions of the people he regarded as tools into account?

How is Mori reminded of the mistakes and regrets of the Great War, of Yosano?

Elise.

Elise is Mori's ability, Vita Sexualis. A humanoid puppet to control as he wishes.

But also to shape as he wishes.

During the Great War Elise is nothing more than a robotic being wearing a human skin, void of emotions, thoughts and autonomy.

Mori has always made Elise take the form of a younger girl.

While it is speculated in the fandom that this could be linked to his Lolicon, I believe otherwise.

Elise is for one inspired by the Novel The Dancing Girl from the real life author. But since she is Mori's ability in BSD she will be influenced by his subconcious.

Elise shows us that Mori, even in his twenties, wanted an apprentice. He wanted to impart his knowledge on someone else but until he found Yosano he did not have someone to do this with.

(Im Beast Elise takes the form of a women. Mori already has children to take care of and bestow his knowledge upton, he doesn't need her to fill thie role. But he does need another caretaker, so that is what Elise becomes)

Yosano herself says in the Manga that she respected Mori as a doctor.

Choosing a young and mallable girl as his apprentice did make her easier to manipulate, to create an army that can not die. But young people are also sponges for knowledge.

And here we come to his regret.

Mori does regret how he handled the situation with Yosano.

He liked that strong willed and opinionated young girl he drafted, and he broke her.

We do not see much of Elise until Dark Era, so we can not tell how long it took for Elise to display Yosanos personality after Yosano was redcued by Fukuzawa and Ranpo.

In this official Art we see Yosanos shadow in Elise, a clear indication of teh fact that Mori's impression of Yosano was bleeding into Elise. But we also see her still wearing pigtails.

Her hair and general clothing tells us that this is between loosing Yosano and Dark Era. With time, Elise will resemble Yosano more.

(The bow resembles the butterfly hairpin of Yosano.)

In this scene Mori tries to convince Elise to try on a new dress.

She refuses and clearly displays Yosano's personality in thsi interaction. From the way Mori handles it this isn't knew.

Their dynamic had already shifted into something more like Yosano and Mori instead of the Ability and Mori.

But her hair is different from the last picture.

Elise now has open and wavy hair. Does this remind you of someone?

(For a boy Dazai has always worn his hair longer than traditional seen as boyish, which in turn let's his ends curl and wave more noticable)

But why would Elise take on appearance markers of Dazai?

Simple.

Because there is something Mori regrets.

He only openly mentiones it in Beast but since Beast is a mirror of Canon, that shows us how different choices will change the same people, we can assume this are also the feelings of Canon!Mori.

Mori regrets not being able to really help Dazai.

And his regret will only get deeper as he makes another choice for an optimal solution.

Driving Dazai away and getting Oda killed fulfilled many positives for Mori, what he reached was the optimal solution. He just had to lose his right hand man.

(Light Novel Dark Era)

This is not the behavior of a man not regretting driving away the boy he cared about for 4 years to this point.

To this day Mori leaves Dazai's spot as executive open. He invited Dazai back into the Mafia.

And when we see Elise after Dark Era she has changed once again.

But this time it is not her appearance that changed, it is her attitude.

Elise displays a very much Dazai-like attitude when talking to Mori.

Where Yosano - and until the end of Dark Era Elise - were strong in their oppinion but polite and steadfast in their refusal, Dazai was bargaining. Dazai more often than not wanted something in exchange for doing something he deemed unpleasant/bothersome/boring.

During the recent timeline Elise also does this.

She doesn't just refuse things, she makes deals.

And she doesn't lie during negotiations, just like Dazai.

In the end Elise changes to be more like the people Mori feels a form of regret over. Elise is a constant reminder of his Regrets and Mistakes.

To support this, here are Asagiris words about Mori from the BSD Exhibition:

“He who fell out of the optimal solution”

Mori Ougai’s belief as the boss is described in the novel “Dark Era” and “Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen”. That is “The boss stands on top of the organization, and at the same time, be the slave of all.” For the sake of the organization, the boss must always take the “logical optimal solution.” That is the duty of the boss.

There is an unspoken additional point to it. “Therefore, no matter how much your heart aches, you have to ignore your personal feelings.” We can catch a glimpse of that in this scene. [the ADA-PM alliance meeting]

Mori’s expressions after “Burnt it.” and “Like what you did to your predecessor”, gave us a glimpse of his true feelings that were made sacrifices for the sake of the “logical optimal solution”.

[Translation by @popopretty here on Tumblr]

A true optimal solution would leave Mori with no regrets. But whenever Elise changes and reminds him of regrets he feels, it is also a reminder of the time he did not truly reach an optimal solution.

[vesora]

all you got to do is sit there and look pretty: loa edition

DISCLAIMER: this was written before a series of realisations, the main point still stands but the subconscious mind does not exist. it is simply awareness. let go and let god.

one thing i have noticed, even in myself, is that we have this need to keep doing something. i need to keep affirming, i need to keep forcing myself into a state, i need to keep focusing on my thoughts or else it won’t manifest. all these thoughts have a common link, a fear of not manifesting, or rather, the 3D not conforming. 

it’s not our fault. we have been primed to think this way. work this hard and you’ll get (x). this is not the way it’s supposed to be. with the law, we break free. 

i need you to know that it’s okay if you’re consciously not thinking from your desire all the time. it’s okay that you don’t feel okay with entering another state if this one is too traumatic for you. relax and know the you on the outside, does not manifest.

who manifests then?

our inner self; our subconscious mind. our subconscious mind is us, but unlike our conscious selves, it is also the Universal Mind, meaning it knows all, it has all knowledge and power stored inside it. our job is to give the subconscious mind a job. as the conscious mind, we hold the key to decide to let what the subcon should manifest and not. we are the guard, we don’t manifest. 

all we really have to do is be still and let God, and by God i do not mean some external being, i mean our subconscious mind; our true self. letting go and detaching doesn’t mean you will stop caring about what you’re manifesting, it simply means that you know that the subconscious will handle it for you. because the subconscious IS you, it’s a robot that only listens to YOUR command. it cannot be influenced by any other force. 

experience 

for the past few days, when i made the unfavourable circumstances post, i was feeling so incredibly awful. i felt i had no reason to live, because i thought me as the conscious sora, was responsible for changing my life. while that is true to an extent, all i have to do is give an order. i told my subconscious mind that night to fix everything for me because i was tired and the next day, all the things that were causing me distress got solved. the next day i had an even better day, because the subconscious really fixed the things causing me stress. life was peaceful again.

it was then i realised that i have been too attached with doing things right, when all i had to do was sit there and look pretty while my subconscious does the work. 

another success happened just now! my browser froze and i didnt save this post. i panicked for a second then i was like “sora you just wrote a post about your subcon fixing things”; so i told my subcon “hey man fix this pls” and it did! lol browser is back to normal which is how ur seeing this post rn

what if my subconscious doesn’t listen?

anything that happens regarding these things is a direct reflection of you. inner creates outer, not the other way around. so, any failure is not because the technique failed, it’s because you haven’t changed self yet. and what changes self? persistence. you must keep persisting because the subconcious HAS NO CHOICE but to listen to you. if it ‘doesn’t’, DON’T ACCEPT IT. 

persistence

And He said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him? And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth. And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Luke 11:5-9

in this verse that neville also referenced, we can see that the man did not give up. in fact, importunity means: the act of making intrusions, being unrelenting, consistent. unrelenting, he never took no for an answer. he kept going and going and going until the man decided to give him bread. do not take no for an answer. do not settle. even if the door seems shut, you will ALWAYS be the key to open it; there is no other choice. keep telling your subconscious mind that you are rich, you are beautiful, you are everything and your subconscious mind will have no choice but to reflect that onto the 3D because that is its job.

excerpt from power of awareness:

“THERE ARE three principal characters in this quotation, you and the two friends mentioned.

The first friend is a desired state of consciousness .

The second friend is a desire seeking fulfillment.

Three is the symbol of wholeness, completion.

Loaves symbolize substance.

The shut door symbolizes the senses which separate the seen from the unseen.

Children in bed means ideas that are dormant.

Inability to rise means a desired state of consciousness cannot rise to you, you must rise to it.

Importunity means demanding persistency, a kind of brazen impudence.

Ask, seek, and knock mean assuming the consciousness of already having what you desire.

Thus the scriptures tell you that you must persist in rising to (assuming) the consciousness of your wish already being fulfilled. The promise is definite that if you are shameless in your impudence in assuming that you already have that which your senses deny, it shall be given unto you – your desire shall be attained.”

[charmedreincarnation]

ive known abt the void since 2019! yup, it's been 4 years lol. i was feeling mad depressed abt this but during that time, i have honestly grown spiritually and a week ago, i just sat down and wrote a post explaining the law from my pov and how i think people should apply it. as I was writing it, i realized what I believed to be the law and what i was doing in my void state journey were damn near opposites. lemme explain. if i truly believed the void was within me and i could enter easily, wtf was i meditating for it. i could just wake up in it right? but i was meditating damn near 2 hours everyday. so i honestly took a step back. away from me and just thought abt the void on its own? what is the easiest way to enter the void? wake up in it. all you gotta do is sleep and boom you're in when you gain conciousness. then why wasn't i trying this? because i didn't believe it was possible. i kept thinking of the void as a meditative state but it's not. so i went and read @gorgeouslypink doubts post and found all the success stories of people waking up in the void (ty to @voidarchivefiles for making that a billion times easier) and i searched reddit, and amino, and youtube. once i really believed that, i thought abt how to use this method. so i just listened to this subliminalevery night i fell asleep and every morning after I woke up and anytime I felt like it just for like 5 minutes and just affirming that i am going to wake up in the void state tonight and stuff like that. I somewhat detached bc to me it was something that would happen in the night so I'd just live my life for the rest. I started practicing your intention method. I would be like subconcious mind, I am going to drink this water and I would and shit like that. And I did listen to kottie's subliminal that @gorgeouslypink shared and I woke up in the void state and I manifested my desired face and acceptance to my desired university. I am going to UCLA now!!! I am honestly so happy and I just wanted to share. This took me 5 days, it was just releasing doubts (like genuinely) and intending to enter. I hope this helps other and thank you so much.

Im so happy for you <3 this also reminds me of my journey. I tried every method under the sun…. literally every single method. It seriously burned me out and made me hate my life and shifting/manifesting.

Honestly making the law feel natural and doing things you would only be doing whether you were trying to manifest something or not really took a lot of the weight of my shoulders and made it 1000x easier. I’m so glad you really took the time to find what you wanted to do and not what others were doing and stuck with it <3!

[kkoct-ik]

PLEASE explain ur shin DID thoughts I wanna know so bad

boy am i glad you asked (LONG POST)

prefacing by saying the sou DID headcanon is very special to me to the point that i talk about it as if it is canon. i know it is not canon. i'm not arguing that this is what these moments mean, i'm arguing this is an interpretation that i really enjoy, and this interpretation of sou's character speaks to the DID experience Unnervingly well.

i use sou & shin interchangebly, they are parts of the same person, but generally i say sou for during the death game and shin for before.

so. first.

the important bit — sou's dissociation from shin tsukimi

during his first trial, shin tsukimi is given the winning percentages. there he learns that 'shin tsukimi' cannot survive the death game.

to escape shin tsukimi's weakness and inevitable death, shin abandons him, and instead takes on the name and certain characteristics of midori, to build a new self — sou hiyori. he disowns his identity as shin tsukimi to psychologically escape from his fate, so that he can psychologically survive in this moment and keep living.

a part of DID is the repression and disowning of the weak and hurting parts of you, and in turn outwardly becoming & functioning as someone or something else that can survive.

sou very literally dissociates from the weak parts of his identity and becomes & functions as someone else to survive.

and that's the absolute basis of the headcanon. turn back now if you want to. the rest is me slowly losing my sanity.

me slowly losing my sanity

so. listen. here's the thing. theres a lot more in sous behaviour that you could interpret as DID if you know where to look.

it's not quite as simple as "there are two of him: shin tsukimi (who was weak, easily manipulated, and incredibly scared) and sou hiyori (who is not that)". there are quite a few more moving parts to this guy, and also a lot of grey areas where his identity breaks down and develops over the course of the game.

the sou we first meet is timid, but not particularly vulnerable: polite, but observant. you get the vibe he is silently taking note of everything you do, because he is. during the first main game, he takes control of the discussion by claiming to be the Keymaster, both securing his survival, and giving himself a level of control over the discussions.

when the information he found on the laptop and his attempts to throw suspicion on Sara causes everyone to doubt him, he begins to panic. he brings up the moment Nao hit him - something that must have been triggering to him, considering what defines 'sou hiyori' is that he is not weak like shin tsukimi is.

i like to think in this moment a subconcious part of him realises that the present sou hiyori is not removed enough from shin tsukimi to be free of danger. despite his distance, he's weak enough to be attacked - he could have been killed, and now he's at the mercy of the masses.

his protective parts and mechanisms need to kick in at 200%. so they do.

under the pressure sou snaps and goes into a a very aggressive protector part. sou projects outwards his vulnerability complex, calling everybody else 'weaklings' who are going to die (reinforcing his dissociation from shin tsukimi). he suddenly openly rejects the value of trust and human cooperation, in an attempt to make himself seem untouchable and entirely in control.

section: sou's protector part

i love this guy so i marked out a section just to break down his protective mechanisms. this is a direct continuation from the paragraph i just ended.

after his first instance in the first main game, sou's protector part (easily spotted by his fucking mastermind persona) appears multiple times to cover up moments of vulnerability. it makes him out to be a liar, but it also makes him seem incredibly calculating and dangerous, which works just fine for him.

during the token trade game, sou 'fakes' amnesia to avoid being singled out for his actions during the first main game. he reverts back to his polite & timid demeanour for a portion of the chapter, and also sleeps for a large portion of it (due to his sickness). but to allow himself this leeway (either to play up or let slip his weakness) he employs protective mechanisms: he enthusiastically tells Sara that his memory loss was a lie, and that he's been playing them all for fools. he intentionally gives her the impression that every moment of weakness he has let slip or otherwise is part of an elaborate plot.

whether this is purely for the sake of managing how the person he fears most percieves him, or because in this part he is genuinely so disconnected from his vulnerable parts and weakness that he refuses to acknowledge it was real, is up to interpretation to me. but i do love how many layers of lies and contradiction he symbolises.

(i choose to believe his amnesia was a genuine moment of vulnerability, because the scene makes me So Happy if i read it as a vulnerable part slipping through the cracks, who's entirely disconnected from the stressful events of the main game and is genuinely terrified. i like to think his later claim it was a lie was because he could not risk Sara genuinely witnessing his repressed weakness that he swore he disowned at the door. but i digress)

he has a similar 'moment of weakness' during the second main game, where he makes it more explicit that he is not necessarily him telling the truth when he says his earlier weakness was a lie. he relies on other's confusion and the fact people think he is one step ahead of them to protect himself.

he continues to employ his mastermind persona even after the shin tsukimi reveal - although its effect is somewhat lost now that everybody knows that he has vulnerable parts (and people he loves) to protect, and that his persona exists for their sake, not because it's his true personality.

mfw when the ego protection mechanism crumbles because i was vulnerable once and now my protector part hates me.

section: shadow sou

i was going to immediately follow onto shinai and what we can learn from him, but i want to clarify shadow sou first.

the long and short of it is i think he's the closest thing we have to a midori introject. while you could argue sou hiyori has introjected traits (which he most certainly does: he takes his name for christ's sake), i think shadow sou most explicitly takes after him, especially if you read soushin as an emotionally abusive relationship.

(lingo: what is an introject? an introject is an alter who represents internalised traits and figures. for example, if you had a personality who treated you like your mother treated you, and reinforces the beliefs you internalised from her, that would be an introject of your mother. they do not have to be accurate to the real person's personality; they only echo how you saw and internalised them.)

shadow sou speaks with sou like an familiar but condescending friend, comments on sou no longer being shin, and exists to reinforce shin's feeling of weakness. midori encourages shin to become the person you want to be; shadow sou is the one to pressure shin into becoming someone else. midori is a 'scary friend' of shin's, shadow sou physically frightens and attacks shin during his moment of panic.

as far as we know, we never meet shadow sou from Sara's point of view, so i interpret him as a more internal alter. there's a lot to play off with sou's / shin's / shadow sou's relationship: i think they are soooo cute. i just wanted to point out the similarities between him and midori.

section: shinaiiiiiiii: what can he tell us?

ok yaay onto shinai. although not strictly a version of sou (not his repressed weak personality, not his polite but wary personality, not his masterminding ego protection personality, and not his internal shadow self), because he is a computer program, he does give us a certain perspective on who sou used to be.

disclaimer: we know shinai was trained by midori's love poetry, and thus you can argue his personality could be slightly altered to be more suited to midori's purposes. for the sake of this section we will take things with a grain of salt: it's what shinai can suggest about shin, not tell.

shinai gives us the impression that shin tsukimi was polite, had somewhat low self esteem, and was conflicted on midori: on one hand, he scared him a lot, but on the other, he considered him close, and they spent a lot of time together.

during the maple boss fight, shinai sobs for midori to help him. i get the impression that despite being afraid of him, shin still relied on midori for security and reassurance (sou's lantern dialogue to corroborate).

my friend suggested that shinai's / sou's conflicting accounts (with part of him being afraid of midori, and the other seeking assurance from him) could in itself imply that shin (even before the game even began) is made up of two alters with opposing attachment styles. i dont disagree.

sou vs the shinai test data

this one will be short i promise.

i really like sou's morbid interest in the shinai test data. and i know the joke is that it's love poetry and sou is embarassed and repulsed by how midori saw him, especially now that he knows how cruel midori can be, but the scene also spoke to me as a dissociative person; there is nothing more viscerally uncomfortable than learning about things you did as a different personality. it messes with your brain, because it was you, but it also wasn't you - it can't be you, you don't remember it, and it's not the kind of thing you would do, but you did - and so your dissociative rejection signals go absolutely insane. so i like this tiny scene for personal reasons.

and thatse it (i think). i think i said it all.

tl;dr:

this is my headcanon :33 or well. a graphic i made a few months ago as i was solidifying the headcanon. some minor things ive changed my opinion on / perception of since but it gets the idea across.

that said i fully support any other interpreted sou hiyori systems. go fuckin wild. i spoke to a friend a bit ago about their personal DID sou take and i had so much fun.

thank you for hearing me out

[witchthewriter]

𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

Warnings: knife flirting, a bit nsfw but not much

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

ISTJ

Gryffindor

Lawful Good

Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, Libra Rising

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

・You were enemies, you were supposed to be enemies.

・But fate (always) has other plans.

・Your first interaction wasn't the normal law vs outlaw situation

・It was like James couldn't breathe; your eyes, there was something so ... invigorating about them. They drew him in. Words became difficult.

・But when you pulled a weapon, he snapped back into his normal self.

・With his sword pressed against your neck, your smirked and in a flash, twirled and slipped out a hidden dagger. With the sharp knife pressed against his throat, you both subconciously agreed never to hurt one another. Even if you were sworn enemies.

"What's your name?" James said sternly. The height difference made it harder to keep your dagger pressed to his skin.

"Oh, wig, wouldn't you like to know?" And then you lightly bit his ear and disappeared.

・A shiver went down his spine.

・And he hoped no one saw the interaction, because now he was smiling.

・When you were apart, time felt like it was going by too quickly. James was yearning for you, his heart thudding whenever he thought about you.

・After running into each other three separate times, being away from you was too much to bear.

・When you were together, time stopped.

・Eyes looking into eyes. Hands caressing the smallest part of bare skin. Both of you were breathless.

・But you had to keep this from your crew. From the rest of the pirate community.

・If they knew you were together with someone from the law, no one would trust you.

・Your nickname for him is 'wig,' since he always wears that awful powdered white wig. You've told him how terrible it is, but he sees it as another badge for his status.

・Being together means you become more open-minded. You see things from each other's point of views.

・You love the way he becomes so flustered when you whisper in his ear. He always thanks the good god in heaven that he's wearing sleeves because goosebumps erupt as well.

・When he whispered, "I love you," for the first time, you couldn't breathe. This wasn't supposed to go so far. But it did. It has.

・You sat up as thoughts flooded your head.

・Could you ever get married? Would either of you even want to quit your life for the other?

・You looked back at James, who was sprawled in the sheets. His ugly wig discarded, no uniform to be found.

・All you wanted to do was stay in his arms. But your crew could only stay drunk for so long. And you had to get back to them.

・One thing you did know, was that his love would last.

・But your life wasn't ready to change just yet; so you both got dressed, kissed each other goodbye and ... walked away.

・As he had slipped a piece of parchment in your clothes. It read, "forever."

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Literal Angel (James) x Smooth Devil (You)

Soft for exactly one person (You) x Is that one person (James)

"Do you love me or do you love chaos?" (You) x "Yes" (James)

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

The true Enemies to Lovers

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈(s)

Wands Into The Earth by James Newton Howard

First Kiss by Howard Shore

You Can't Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo

[opal-owl-flight]

Making up for lost time.

3 always believed in 4. They even hoped shed exceed them, and not make the same mistakes they did.

Maybe if they trained her enough, she wouldnt be broken like they are.

More deets below the cut, regarding 3 and their current status with inknemia...

Ive given them angst abt their contribution to 4's state. And abt their anxieties on being a perfect enough ageng so they never fail, so the (fragile) world, their way of life, is always safe

However.

After OE, 3 was able to continue going on patrols and missions, but something is definitely off.

Their body was still young and fresh enough to keep going despite acquiring inknemia (it basically gives them more limited mobility/power due to reduced ink capacity/density). And with 4 there, she can cover for their weaknesses brought by disability.

Even then, they felt it. That creeping feeling that this wont last.

Their ink tank was running low way more frequently. Restoring ink is slower. Splatting enemies takes longer.

4 was starting to run on ahead. A rising star, if she kept her pace, and they slowed down more.

Everything they knew. Turfing, ranked, agent duties.

Their fragile world was breaking. But only theirs. And they cant do anything to stop it from tipping into that point.

As if thats not enough, 4 left for college. And all those duties they shared fell back to them alone.

8 was also around, but she was with Off the Hook more. Shes technically not an agent...

until she became one officially, its all 3. All that work on a breaking body that cant do what it used to anymore.

They felt despair at each action they cant do as long, or anymore. Their actions became much more precise and decided to adjust. Their shots, their specials, their bombs -- only used when needed, ending fights as quickly as they start.

Still able, for a while. Still a legend, for a while. But they know. They know.

And when the news came that Cuttlefish was retiring --

They knew it was time. 1 and 2 are taking them off the field.

Its become too risky for them now. Hell, they even had to retire from turfing. (what a coincidence that the wiiu servers just died.)

Its a hidden turmoil they bury under work. Under the training sessions theyre allowed to do. Its the omly action theyre allowed these days, save for the occasional/rare mission/task that only they can do (that defuzzifier in splat3)

They miss being able to do what they were able to before.

Oh, 4 thinks shes a useless agent?

what about 3, who cant be that anymore?

At least, not as much as they used to be.

Both of them, theyve grown old, exhausted from the turmoils of life. Of events beyond their control.

The reason they pushed 4 so hard was...well, besides to keep her safe, its...I guess, subconciously, so that shed be their protege. To do what they cant anymore. To protect the fragile world.

Forgetting that 4 is not them, that 4 has different skills and limitations. They didnt want her to push herself so hard bc they did that and fell to Tartar. Inadvertedly...

They pushed her hard enough that she wanted to give herself up to Order, a similar entity to Tartar.

Just. God. Ow.

3 actually being the one who can help 4 the most this whole time

3 who wanted her to be safe. And now wanting her to exceed them.

Want to see her become better.

Meanwhile theyre sobbing inside abt how their body is imprisoning them, almost. An unspoken, subconcious struggle, which expresses itself in their strict discipline. Whats usually on the surface is their perfectionism and their worry for everyone else. This entire struggle with their body is bc it means they cant protect everyone else like they used to. It tears em up.

They are still FAST and can deliver killing blows still. But its in bursts, never as consistent as 4

One of these days... maybe she finds out during her break...

What 3s going through, inside.

3 had to replace themself for Splat3. 8 wasnt around, 4 was in college...Thank god Cuttlefish found someone....

Neo3. He NAMED this agent. Three.

That was their name...its gone now (I mean they def have a name outside the number, just havent thought of one)

I. Think thats it. These notes are kind of unedited so WOWPKSKS. its all over the place

[otomes-and-tears]

If its ok, I wanna request a qiu x reader (step 2) where reader keeps doodling qiu subconciously and they end up dropping one of their doodles somewhere, and qiu finds it :0 sorry if this is formatted wrong, ive never requested something before aaa!!!!

♦ Qiu finds MC's drawing of them ♦

►tags and warnings: GN reader, Step 2

► words: 1696 words

► A/N: I AM ALIVE I SWEAR I promise I can still write more than just Shiloh brainrot!

► Masterlist

It wasn’t really on purpose.

MC was trapped in the clutches of a terrible art block. It had been weeks since they managed to draw something they were satisfied with, and the creative stagnation gnawed at them, leaving them restless. Then there was Qiu, sitting a few seats ahead, their messy hair carelessly tied into a crooked ponytail, soft features relaxed in quiet boredom. MC didn’t even realize they had started sketching Qiu until the drawing was done— their fingertips smudged with graphite as they blended the last of the rough shading into the pencil sketch.

It looked good. Far better than any of their recent, fruitless attempts at drawing. The creases on their baggy sweater and the small intricacies of their expression almost perfectly captured in their style.

Part of MC wanted to brag, to walk up to Qiu and show them the drawing as a triumphant declaration that their terrible, horrible art block was finally over. But as soon as Qiu’s gaze found theirs, those soft eyes blinking slowly, like a cat, and that small, smug smile appearing on their lips, far too pleased with having caught MC staring, MC knew they couldn’t give Qiu any more reason to tease them.

It’s bound to be just a one-time thing, anyway.

…

It wasn’t a one-time thing.

Drawing Qiu became muscle memory, in the same way that drawing hearts or five-point stars, the kind with lines in the middle, became after an eternity of doodling them on the edges of notebooks.

There was just something easy about it. 

MC knew their neighbour so well that they didn’t even need a reference to capture the nuances of Qiu’s smile—the way the right side of their lips lifted just a touch higher than the left, the arch of their brows, or the slight widening of their eyes when surprised. It was effortless.

It becomes a warm-up exercise before the artist’s other drawings and a quick way to break the slump off art blocks, or even something mindless MC does in the middle of a particularly dull classes both share— they do suspect Qiu knew about those but never bothered them with requests to see the drawings, leaving MC to their quiet obsession.

What was embarrassing was how often they’d find themselves obsessing over the perfect way to angle their wrists to capture the sharp swoop of Qiu’s dark bangs to imply just the right amount of movement, or the fact that they filled so many pages of their sketchbook with studies of Qiu during ballet class that they had to replace it with a fresh one.

Their anatomy skills had improved dramatically in the meantime. But was it worth it, trading artistic growth for Qiu’s obvious disappointment when MC stopped letting them flip through their sketchbook? Or having to learn to draw things quickly and discreetly?

“You dropped a page.” MC says, flatly. Qiu is rummaging though their gym bag in search of their  earphones, notepad hanging precariously in their coat pocket. “Again.”

By this point, Qiu had long given up on retrieving whatever papers they lost, but MC still informed them out of habit anyway. Despite their disinterest, Qiu’s eyes scanned the floor—until they paused, bending down to pick the page up. 

The action immediately catches MC’s attention. It would usually take a lot of insistence for Qiu to bother, if they did at all.

"Started caring about the environment again?" 

MC teased. Qiu just snickered, unfolding the page with a widening smile. A smile that grew into something MC could only describe as pure, unbridled glee. That’s when MC noticed the paper wasn’t the usual color, weight, or size. It was larger, thinner, and undeniably from MC’s sketchbook.

“I was wondering when you’d let me see these drawings,” Qiu said, turning the page to reveal one of MC’s most recent sketches—a detailed study of Qiu, brows furrowed in concentration as they scribbled in their notepad, done only a few hours ago, just before lunchtime. There were also smaller drawings on the margins done in a more simplified style, all of Qiu. "When did I become your muse?”

MC’s breath caught in their throat as Qiu held up the sketch, a wave of embarrassment hitting them so hard they felt they could drown in it. Their little habit was a badly-kept secret, but it doesn’t mean that MC was looking forward to being found out.

Regardless, the question hung in the air, and MC knew that there was no universe in which Qiu would let it go without satisfying answers

Each second MC passed without answering only made Qiu’s grin grow further, their warm brown eyes flickering between the sketch and the artist responsible for creating it, a glint of mischief dancing in them.

“You know,” they continued, voice light and playful, “if you wanted me to model for you, all you had to do was ask.”

“No! I wasn’t— It’s not like that!” 

MC could feel the heat crawling up the back of their neck as they stammard, mind racing as they frantically searched for an excuse that would be any less mortifying than the truth.

Qiu’s smile softened, feeling bad for their friend’s embarrassment, even if they were having fun with their flustered reaction. Despite how much their personality had changed throughout the years, that was a small aspect Qiu would never be able to grow out of— despite their incessant teasing, they deeply cared for their neighbour, and didn’t like taking things too far for the sake of their comfort.

“Is that so?” they asked, the teasing edge in their voice giving way to something a little softer. "Because it seems like you’ve been drawing me a lot."

MC felt the weight of their own silence, the silent, embarrassing admission that came with it. 

Drawing Qiu had become a part of their routine. A habit, an easy way to keep up with their goal of drawing every day.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” MC finally said, pushing through their mortification to grant Qiu their answer. They glanced down at their hands, fingers still smudged with graphite, as if the evidence of their fixation was written all over them, taunting them. “I just… you were easy to draw. You’re always around, and I—” They paused. I can’t stop thinking about you. The words linger, right on the tip of their tongue. “I guess it just… happened.”

The playful gleam in Qiu’s eyes is replaced by something tender, a warmth they knew all too well.

“You know,” Qiu said slowly, carefully, as if trying not to spook them “I don’t mind being your muse.”

MC blinked, caught off guard by Qiu’s sincerity. They looked up, meeting Qiu’s gaze fully, and for the first time in a long time, there was no playfulness or carefully feigned disinterest in their eyes. Just warmth.

“You don’t—” MC began, stammering, struggling to find the right words, “you don’t think it’s… weird?”

“Why would it be weird? You’re an artist. Artists need inspiration, right?” Qiu glanced down at the sketch again, running a finger gently over the paper, careful not to smudge it. “And I’m honored. I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s inspiration before. Much less to my favorite artist”

Somehow, MC doubts that. Judging by Qiu’s popularity in town, having been the crush of at least half of Golden Grove’s kids within their age group, they have absolutely zero doubts that Qiu has been the source of many ‘a angsty poem scribbled in someone’s diary.

Regardless, they felt their chest tighten at Qiu’s words, eyes widening as their mind replays the dancer’s words, over and over. They were Qiu’s favorite artist? Qiu didn’t mind being drawn?

That fills them with much needed relief, the tension from their body slowly dissipating.

“I’m not sure how much of an inspiration you really are,” 

MC muttered, trying to deflect some of the intensity of the moment with humor, but the warmth in their voice betrayed them.

“Oh, come on. I’ve clearly been *very* inspirational.” Qiu gestured at the sketch in their hand, then raised a brow. “How many of these are there, anyway? Ten?”

“…More.”

“More? Seriously?”

MC couldn’t help but smile now, the absurdity of it all catching up with them as they shake their head, disappointed at themselves.

“Uh, like, a lot of my last sketchbook? It’s just… you’re always around, and you’ve got this…” They gestured vaguely at Qiu, trying to find the right words. “This vibe. You’re fun to draw.”

Qiu raised an eyebrow, leaning in, invading their personal space enough that they could smell the subtle scent of cinnamon from their shampoo, voice dropping to a playful murmur. 

“Easy, huh? So you *have* been staring at me a lot.”

MC rolled their eyes, shoving Qiu lightly, but there was no malice in it. It’s true, as much as they hated to admit it, they had observed the dancer so much as to be able to draw them from memory.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” 

But Qiu just smiled, softer again. 

“I’m flattered,” they said, their voice gentle. “Really.”

MC didn’t know what to say to that. There was a lump in their throat, an unspoken understanding passing between them that felt both overwhelming and comforting. They had known each other for years by that point, after all, but In that moment, something shifted. The awkwardness, the teasing, even the embarrassment—it all melted away like snow in spring time, leaving behind only the quiet connection between them. Their unbreakable bond. It was comfortable in the way few things are.

Qiu handed the sketch back to MC, their fingers brushing for just a second felt almost electrifying. Has it always felt like this?

“Keep drawing me,” they said, voice quiet but resolute. “If it helps you, keep doing it. No need to hide it.”

When their eyes meet again, and they can sense Qiu’s sincerity, their heart races once more. They accept the drawing, storing it safely inside their sketchbook before they continue on their way home.

Maybe they didn’t have the words for everything they felt just yet, but right now, this moment was enough.

[sabrgirl]

things that aren't inherently islamic but have improved my deen ♡

practising mindfulness

mindfulness meditation (focusing on my breathing for 10-15 minutes a day and bringing my attention back to my breath every time my mind wanders) helps with concentration in salah. through practising this every day, you're able to bring your attention back to the moment much better as you train your brain to do so with your breath.

helps to ground myself in the moment rather than stress about the future and past - allows me to surrender to Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ much better and have tawakkul and sabr by learning to enjoy each day as it comes

journalling

shadow work

islam is fundamentally based on disciplining and self-regulating the nafs/ego. if you do not discipline your nafs, you will end up inclining towards evil: '‘And I do not hold my own self (nafs) to be free from weakness; for, the soul is surely prone to enjoin evil, except that whereon my Lord has mercy. Surely, my Lord is Most Forgiving, Merciful.’ (12:54). it was a saying by many elder islamic scholars and early muslims that 'he who knows himself knows His Lord'.

shadow work is when you address the hidden parts of yourself that we naturally and/or subconsciously suppress inside because we don't like them. the ego/nafs does this. you can find journal prompts on google, for eg 'shadow work prompts for anxious attachment' or 'shadow work prompts for male validation' etc - whatever it is you know is a problem about you. or, if you don't know where to start, just type in 'shadow work prompts' on google and you'll find something for you

through understanding in more detail what my ego does through addressing my fears in life and hardship/trauma i've experienced, i'm able to let go of those parts of myself, make an action plan to do things differently and become a better person. as a result, i'm able to make better decisions based off of righteousness and what pleases Allah, rather than acting based off of what scares my ego.

for eg - something happened when i was young that made me have an internal fear of being replaced which i had *no* idea i had. yet, i was acting on this fear subconciously, as i've always wanted to be original and i've had such distinct/original things that other people don't usually have so that i can stand out and it can become impossible to replace me. i was doing this so subconsiously but my nafs/ego was scared inside. when people asked me 'where is that from?' i wouldn't want them to know and would become very upset if they tried to 'copy me'. it wasn't until my best friend wanted to know where my perfume was from and i didn't want to tell her and ended up arguing with her that i realised i have a problem. i did shadow work and journalled about it to figure out why i'm acting this way. after doing this shadow work, it led me back to that big change in my life when i was a child and i realised that it hurt my ego a lot and resulted in me having a big fear of being replaced, with the outcome being i want to stand out and have things that are my own that it becomes so hard for someone to be me. after addressing and realising this, i've now let go of that fear and that part of me. i'm much more kinder to the creation now when they ask me where something i have/am wearing is from and, as i feel much more peaceful inside, i tell them where it's from with genuineness and sincerity. doing this can help with so many internal behaviours like jealousy, anxiety, being unhappy when other people get something you want, anger, attachments to people, love etc.

shadow work helps me get rid of attachments to worldly things and people (as the ego gets attached easily) after understanding why i am / why i act in a certain way too

gratitude

gratitude journalling helps me be thankful to Allah for what he has done for me. in hardship, i'm able to recognise the good that i still have. i've written more about how this has helped my deen here.

writing my feelings when i'm angry and/or upset

helps me process my emotions better and not act on my feelings by being rude to others in the moment

prevents me from backbiting and gossiping bc i just journal about how people have made me feel. backbiting is when you slander someone behind their back to someone else. through journalling, if i'm upset, i can write down my feelings, i can call people losers and get it all out of my system because it's just to myself, no one will read it. after this, why do i need to go to someone else and gossip? i don't need to. i've already released it all.

yoga and pilates

the physical body, mind and soul are all linked. as shown in the book, 'the philosophy of the teachings of islam':

this means that exercising our body affects our mind and soul too. science has shown that trauma and stress is stored in the shoulders and other parts of our body. having movement and especially exercises like yoga that focuses on stretching, flexibility, breathing and regulating blood flow in the body releases this emotional baggage.

islam is a religion of discipline that requires effort. when you feel good inside, you're more likely to be more disciplined and put in the effort, as opposed to when you feel bad inside which can often lead to laziness and fatigue. doing yoga and releasing my stress through exercising and stretching helps me feel positive and good inside, enabling me to fulfil my religious duties better with a positive mind and body. in islam, maintaining physical health is highly encouraged and our Beloved Prophet ﷺ emphasised having a strong and healthy body.

[leafryoworks]

I'm going to tell you what your favourite character in the amazing digital carnival says about you .

Please note that this isn't serious and I'm just want this to be silly . I might overdone in a few segments . Carnival au belongs to @sm-baby .

Caine : Autistic creature . You're probably afraid of being underachieved by people younger than you and you try so hard to not let it show . You tend to crave company but your differences also make you a tad left out by others . Still you got a special skill that you're sure only you have ! ...right ? Don't worry because while it may seem dark right know , the sun will come up and maybe the friends you need will come and find you .

Pomni : The most girlfailure . You tend to try to have your sh-uhm , responsibilities and thoughts pulled together to be a functioning adult but not all things probably pulled off succesfully . Still it's the thought that matters and the worst thing you could do is not try at all . Do that thing you wanted , you never know what might happen .

Queenie : You got underlying mommy issues . She gives you the classic wine aunt you never get to experience . There are things that you couldn't control , you might say it collars you down to your place . But...remember the loved ones by your side . They may not be able to offer the freedom you seek and...they may not be the best people they are right know but the worst thing you could do is abandon the ones that cared about you .

Kinger : Silly and a bit kooky . Trauma changes who you are and there are moments you're not at the best headspace . You probably seek entertainment to lose your sense of reality and not face the sadness and tragedy knowing it would rock your world in the worst case . You need someone to hold your hand , to give you company...eventhough you know subconciously that it's not real .

Jax : The artist who lost his motivation . You're a bit curious on how things tend to work and likes seeing the colour red on paper . The reason I only draw something so violent on paper was to let my anger out and you know what I'm trying to say connecting to this segment . And yet we all know that anger is just overwhelming sadness that you don't know how to let out . We all got problems and things that aren't aligned with others regarding in coping mechanisms . And yet...eventhough you might say you don't need them , who are you lying to ?

Ragatha : Mommy issues ! Abandoment issues ! You can't florish under pressure and negativety or else your heart will ached and cause you to not breathe . That's why you try to make things more easier for others so when they're happy , you're happy . If they're sad , you're sad . Literally . You hold on to your beliefs because no way you're wrong eventhough the evidence is right infront of you ! You live to serve for others because if you have no worth , why...did they kept you around ?...sorry , I got overprojecting , hah . The least you could do is actually let people have their say eventhough it's sad . Bottled up emotions are not healthy and might ruin you and the people you care in a long run . There are things you gotta accept eventhough it might go against on your beliefs . You can't control things in a happy get going situation , this ain't a tv show you can script 24/7 .

Gangle : Maladaptive dreamer . You don't know what's real and what's not fake . The people , the friends you make , are they real ? Your family even ? It's blurry as you toed the line and you find it hard to believe that they are real people you interact with eventhough you know it's true . Sometimes you could be doing work and panicked realizing you're in the real world and not in the world you made up in your head . You rather live your live in ecstasy while dreading the reality that awaits you outside . But enough of that , you got your blorbos in your head to keep your company because they're real ! ...but in your head or is there more...?

Zooble : The cool protector . You tend to protect those who are high up in your list and would be the one nodding your head sagely as your bestfriend rambles about their crush . You care about people just not overcaring to Ragatha's extent . People think you're cool and you probably are . And there are things , secrets that you have to hide of a friend from your other friends because...you know it's the best for their situation . Somethings have to be kept under high security for the best of your friends . You know it's for their best of them and you have to carry the burden to keep the people you care safe . That's your job .

Able : Charmer . You worked so hard to learn and understand your loved one's interests and going as far to be an expert on it . Surely when you are a master of it then you guys can talk and hang out more . What's wrong with that ? You just want to understand them a bit more closer but if that's not working then there must be something wrong . Maybe you're not trying enough so you would try harder . Time to hit the books ! There's nothing wrong with you , don't let the voices in your head fool you !

Bubble : He's so silly ! He reminds you of a pet you wanna pampare and put in a play pen .

Kaufmo : You chose the funniest guy in the cast , huh ? Excellent choice . You like jokes , bad ones even told by others because it means they have thought of cheering people up and that really touched your heart . You tend to be silenced eventhough you are right and yet sometimes they don't wanna listen . The other half is that they do listen , they just don't care . Eventhough the world may not look at it's prime for a moment , you knew you have to keep trying to make the best of it eventhough your attempts may not succeed . But it's better trying than not even trying at all , right ?

Alright people , that's a wrap ! Sorry if it may offend some of you so just letting you guys know it's not 100% accurate , okay ? Okay .

[obsessivelyours]

First Sight

Yandere/Dark! Vox x Production Assistant!Reader

ok it’s been a hot second since i've posted but i'm back because this concept is living rent free in my mind!! this might get more parts to it, bc i really like concept (also this man has overtaken my subconcious)

tbh this part is pretty tame, but it will definitely get darker as we move along.

tw: VoxVal mentioned, ValAngel mentioned

Ok so, Vox and Val clearly have something on, and it is not monogamous whatsoever. But that song and dance is theirs, and has been for decades.

Val was a loose cannon, one that Vox knew how to soothe and entice but… Val wasn’t his. Val made that clear multiple times— he was a force to be reckoned with and Vox wasn't looking to damage the empire they've worked so hard to build.

But just think of Vox seeing the controlling relationship between Val and Angel. Vox watching as Val’s hand tugs against Angel’s chain, the latter’s eyes dazed from the addicting crimson smoke curling around the pair. Vox could see the way Val keeps Angel close, a stark contrast to his and Val's relationship.

As an overlord, Vox owns many things— thousands of souls devoted to his empire and all the money in hell. But he wanted something that was fundamentally and wholly his. Call it a desperate need for power, or maybe even a twisted desire for control— he wanted more.

Enter, you. a new sinner who Papermint just hired on as a production assistant. Vox watched as you would dart around set, carrying coffee cups, wires, and other odds and ends, all whilst obediently listening to anyone who asked.

Since you had landed in hell, you were determined to keep your head down. It was what had kept you alive, at least until your death. You learned your lesson the hard way, stay out of sight and stay quiet.

You had heard the way the people on set would whisper about your boss, about his hypnotic stare and demanding attitude. You avoided staring directly at Vox whenever you spoke, eyes averted shyly as you would hand over his coffee order and frantically skim your clipboard to ensure you did everything right. Before he could even speak, one of the production managers yelled through your earpiece. You quickly stumbled through a rushed apology and scurried off, not realizing the eyes watching you leave.

You were so high strung— so tense. Vox’s grin grew as he looked at you.

Oh, you were perfect.

From the second he saw you, he knew he had to have you. Something to break, something to mold, something to be wholly his.

It started off small, with everyone on set asking less and less of you. You even noticed some of them be... wary of you? Odd.

You started taking over requests that the higher up production assistants would usually do, placing you right beside Vox everyday on set.

Eventually you were his on-set assistant, catering to his every command. The first time he asked for your opinion made you almost jump.

You were confused at first, but the media nerd in you was ecstatic— shyly offering comments on the script or whatever he was looking at. He would hum in response before giving you a charming grin,

"Thanks, doll."

Vox knew exactly what he was doing, enticing you with sweet words and praise. And the best part was that you were so receptive. He loved the way you blushed at his compliments, or the way you would bite your lip whenever he gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze. You would hang onto his every word, listening intently whenever you were in his vicinity.

He watched from across the set at your form, scribbling away on your clipboard. You paused, as if feeling his gaze on you, eyes darting up to meet his. Your eyes widened slightly before you shyly smiled at him. He grinned back at you, enjoying the ways he would watch your cheeks turn a bit pink before you glanced back down at your clipboard.

Oh, this will be fun.