#like i could see some positives including better marketing and all. but then i remember how Annoying f1 has gotten since 2022

[comradejoanmir]

Like dorna sucks but they're OUR worsties

[izicodes]

Sunday 21st January 2024

>> I made a post yesterday of me mini-ranting about how I don't have any proper career goals because the ones I made years ago I've achieved now, so I'm questioning myself "What now? 🙃".

Then I remembered I have a recruiter mate and I emailed him asking for help and he gave me a long list of what I could do now to get better from my position. And I like sharing help so here's what he said + my own notes of what I understood from them~!

Hope this helps you too~!

🩶 Assess Current Skills and Set Goals

Identify your strengths and weaknesses.

Set clear goals for technical and leadership skill development.

My notes: I am good at some languages/technologies whilst I am a complete noob in others. Yes, I use them but I am not confident in them and always have to Google what is going on. I need to make a list of all the languages I am good at and those I am not so good at. Maybe even list why I'm not good at them. The same goes for non-technical skills. Got to make plans/goals on how I will improve them and get out of my comfort bubble on my comfort technologies and expand! Leadership skills would probably improve when I get solo projects given/have to present at Team meetings on my own in front of everyone~!

🩶 Technical Skill Enhancement

Deepen your proficiency in current programming languages.

Explore new technologies and frameworks relevant to your field.

My notes: I already answered this in the top one, but I shouldn't neglect my current skills to be able to learn the new ones. With the languages I am good and confident in, I still feel as though I haven't reached the more advanced stuff of that language. OOP stuff skill scares me in any programming language so I need to face my fears and learn it. From time to time, check what's popular in the market in terms of technology used and see which one aligns with my dream tech stack to use in the future and make plans to learn and develop myself~!

🩶 Project Leadership and Collaboration

Volunteer to lead small projects or take on more responsibility in current projects.

Collaborate with cross-functional teams to understand different aspects of project development.

My notes: At work, I eventually (since I'm still new) should ask to be the lead on some projects just like my higher-up developer is to me. Lead my own projects, without having to report to someone unless in dire need or when the project is complete for testing, etc. The team is small so I should talk to the non-developers in the team and see from their POV how the project is. Understand different types of people in the team and communicate effectively. All of this can be transferred to non-work projects like an online group project on an Open-Source project on GitHub for example - lead projects and taking more responsibilities. Being able to talk to people with different skillsets as we work on a group project~!

🩶 Attend Workshops and Networking Events

Attend workshops, conferences, and networking events to expand your knowledge and connections.

Seek mentorship from experienced professionals, including CTOs.

My notes: My gosh, I dread this honestly. I'm still a relatively shy person so going to workshops and events still brings small anxiety but that's something I do want to break~! I will never know what I will learn, who I will meet etc if I don't go to one! I want to aim that this year I would like to go to one, preferably in or near my city. I always love the idea of having a mentor, honestly, I was going to pay someone to help mentor me on that part ( >> loads of cites offer mentorships for programming!!! ) but I feel like my manager right now is that person so I will keep working with him to develop more~!

In conclusion, self-improvement as a programmer is both challenging and super hard to get started BUT rewarding in the end~!

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 22 Part 1)

Word count: 18.0k

Pairings: Jake x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, Cursing, Dramatic Themes. Angst Including: Talks of Infidelity, Toxic Themes, Stalking, Arguing, Yelling, Extreme Portrayal of Sadness, Crying, Abandonment, Heartbreak, Talks of Illness, Extreme Illness, Fainting, Hospitalization, Hospital Procedures and Protocols, Talks of Death and Dying. Smut Including: Kissing, Touching, Fingering, Oral F!Recieving Fluff.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

JAKE POV

“How was your breakfast date…” 

She shrinks back at your words, a look of confusion crossing her face.

“My what?” she asks.

“Your date. Your breakfast date with Logan.” you say firmly.

She turns her head in shock, before turning to look back at you, “It wasn’t a date Jake. He is my friend. We just went and got breakfast and walked over to the farmer’s market across the street…”

“Sure looked like a date.” you quip.

“What? What do you mean?” she asks, shaking her head.

You pull your phone from your pocket, and pull up your texts from Danny, holding your phone towards her to take from your hand.

Her eyes scan over the glass flipping through the photos. “This is so weird. Who is taking photos of me? Why?” she asks.

“Fans. People who know we’re together. Or were.” you paused. “Went to the store. I waited all damn day for you to come back.”

“Oh god. Jake… I am so sorry, I–”

“Got caught up? Forgot we had plans when a better offer came along?” you ask, an edge to your voice.

"Jake..." she said, a flash of pain in her eyes.

She walked over to you and grabbed your hand, “Help me carry these bags into the study.” she smiles sweetly.

“What? No. We aren’t finished talking.” you respond.

“Just! Help me, please.” she says, grabbing a few bags in her hands.

You huff and pick up the remaining bags, setting them on the floor before positioning yourself on the couch.

“Was it…a date?” you ask.

“No. Not at all.” she says. “Logan and I met for breakfast, had a few mimosas, and as I was leaving I saw a farmer’s market across the street. We missed the last one because we were in Veg– well, we just missed the last one, and I wanted to go. Logan said he didn’t want me to walk alone, so he came with me.” she said, reaching for a brown paper bag on the floor. 

She opened the bag and started pulling out all kinds of fresh vegetables and fruit, way better stuff than you saw at the store today. 

“I saw these tomatoes and I remembered that spaghetti sauce you made that one time and I just… I don’t know, I thought maybe we could make it together. So I got a couple, and a few zucchini and some squash, and I thought these beets looked good too. I know you don’t cook with them a lot, so I thought maybe you could find a new recipe or something while you’re locked away in the house. We could test it and see if we like it.” she said, looking at you with eyes full of hope.

Shit. You read this completely wrong.

You let a guilty smile cross your face, and as you went to respond she smiled and started talking again, “So I kept walking down the path looking at the little booths and there was this sweet little man, and he had all these homemade pastas, and I was like, ‘okay spaghetti sauce needs pasta’ so I ended up with way too many bags, because he was so sweet and he told me about his wife and… Well we are set on pasta I think.” she smiled.

You rested your right arm across the back of the couch and let your fingers graze her neck, as she tilted her head back at your touch. She swallowed, and put the items back into the paper bag and set it on the floor. 

“So, after that Logan walked me back to my car and as I was driving home I thought, ‘wait, we can't have spaghetti with no wine’, so I stopped at that big liquor store and I found that one red you liked a few weeks ago from that restaurant. 

“You remember that?” you ask, just staring at her.

She looked at you and hesitated as she answered, “...well, yeah…”

“So dinner was all set right? As I was driving home, I passed that old music shop and decided to just peek and see if they had anything new for you. I ended up with these…” she said, pulling 3 albums from the white plastic bag, and placing them in your hands.

“Wow, some old, old motown. These are good finds. Perfect cooking music.” you smile, staring into the face of a woman who no doubt knows you better than you know yourself.

“Really? I just thought maybe something new would be fun. New memories, I guess.” she says bashfully.

“Yeah, but I like the old ones too.” you smiled, letting your thumb trail over her skin again.

“You know right next to the music store is that Page’s place, and I know hanging out at home all day can be so so boring, so I looked around for a while, and tried to see if anything really stuck out and said ‘Jake’.” she said, with a curious look on her face.

“And did anything say ‘Jake’?” you laughed.

“Yes, just these two. They kind of reminded me of that one I just finished. All in the same vein I think. I hope you don’t already have them. But if you do I can tak–”

“They are perfect. I don’t have them, and I can’t wait to read them.” you encouraged.

She grabbed them back from you and put them back into the paper bag, grabbing one final bag from the floor. 

“Okay and I made one last stop on my tour of Nashville today. But there are two things in the bag, neither of them related at all.” she giggles.

You nodded your head for her to continue. 

“Going back to the home all day thing, I thought maybe you might want to try painting a little bit? There are just the basic colors and brushes in here, but I know you are really getting into drawing again, and thought maybe painting would be a fun new outlet.”

“I have actually been thinking about that, it’s like you read my mind.” you grinned.

“Okay the last thing. Don’t laugh. I just–I just thought it would be fun. I know you’re going to absolutely kill me at it but…” she said, pulling out a large square box.

You took it in your hands with a huge smile, “Trivia?! Rolling Stones Trivia!?” you asked.

“Yeah! I saw it by the register and I was like, ‘I think…Jake needs this in his house?’” she laughed. 

You nodded your head and set it in your lap, looking into her eyes, “Our house.”

Her eyes search yours, flicking back and forth as she nods. She hands you the bouquet of flowers and smiles down at it. 

“I also picked these up for you. I know it's not typical for a man to receive flowers but, I saw them and…I thought of you.”

God. You were wrong. You were so so wrong. You didn’t even give her a chance to say anything before you started grilling her. 

“I hope you believe me when I tell you that it was just breakfast and nothing even remotely close to a date. I know what you were thinking after seeing those photos and that’s not it at all. I know what I did to you probably has you feeling like you can’t trust me and I get that. I deserve that. But I spent the whole day going around town finding things for you. For us to do together. If you want to. Things to make you happy because really, all I want is for you to be happy. But I specifically got these flowers for you because they reminded me of the ones we used to pick by the lake. And I want to keep doing that with you. I want to sit here and pick every single petal until the very last one is ‘she loves you’.”

You felt your heart drop into your stomach. She told you, time and time again, that she would never do anything to make you doubt her feelings for you ever again. And still you did. Told you flat out that she loves you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you, but as she came home tonight you were so quick to jump on her about Logan. She was right, you did have a new issue with trust, but you knew you could fix it. Mend it. Together. 

“And I am so sorry I forgot about going to the store with you. That was my fault. I should have come straight back after breakfast, but I was just thinking about waking up next to you this morning, and how a few days ago that wasn’t promised, and how scared I was for you and what if I never got to do this again…”

She started getting teary eyed talking about it, and you felt your heartstrings being pulled at the sight. She really loves you. 

“I just know things are weird with us right now, so I thought maybe I could just show you that I was thinking of you and how much I want to fix this, and hope you felt the same.”

You grab her hands and pull her across the couch into your chest. You aren’t sure but you thought you felt a tear slip out onto your shirt as you held her face to you. 

“I do. I do feel the same. Thank you, so much. For all of it. Everything.” you say rubbing circles into her back.

“So you want to then? We can make the spaghetti sauce and play the trivia game?” she asks, voice slightly shaky.

“I don’t want anything more than to do that as soon as possible.” you smile, pressing your face into the top of her head, and breathing in deeply the smell of your girl.

You release her from your grip and she pulls back from you, looking at you with pure adoration. 

“How about we get this all put away, and I will start us some dinner?” you ask, rubbing your fingers over her hand. 

She smiles and nods, collecting a few of the bags, before standing from the couch. 

You carry the bags to the kitchen and pull one of the bottles of wine you bought today from the pantry, pulling the cork, and pouring it into a glass. You reach the glass towards her and as she takes her first sip, her eyes widen and she looks at you.

“This is that one I like?” she says, shocked.

You spin around and smirk at her, “Maybe I was thinking about you today, too.”

—

As you stand at the sink, loading the last of the dishes into the dishwasher you look over at her, finishing wiping off the counters. 

“I’ve got the rest.” you smiled, placing the plate on the rack.

“You sure? I can–”

“Yeah, I know you’ve had a long day.” you reply.

“I think I’m gonna go take a shower then, if you’re sure.” she says, walking over towards you.

“I’m positive. There’s hardly anything left to do.” You respond standing back up to look at her. 

“Thanks for making dinner. That chicken was so good…I would love to have that recipe.” she says.

“What do you mean, I’ve got it right here?” you say pointing to your temple.

“Well, yeah but…What if–”

“Nope. Nope. Nope. Go take a shower.” you say, whipping the dish towel towards her. 

She scurries off into the guestroom, and you toss the towel back over your shoulder as you smirk. What if… Like you’re ever letting that woman go again.

You close up the dishwasher and set the coffee maker before heading to the front door to shut off the lights and set the alarm. You glance down the hallway and see the guest room door shut, knowing she's probably in for the night, as you make your way to your bedroom. 

You step inside and turn on your lamp, as you gravitate into the bathroom for a shower of your own. You let the soapy water rinse of the guilt of earlier as your mind flutters with thoughts of her. Minutes later you are stepping out, and wrapping yourself in a towel as you brush your teeth. 

The house is still quiet as you put on your boxers and turn off the closet light. As you climb into bed you grab your glasses and one of the books she got you from your nightstand, and relax into your pillow. 

She was right, this book did have your name all over it, and you wondered how you’d never seen it before. Within minutes you are flying through the pages, hanging on the words of every sentence, pulling you into a world you could only read about. 

You heard a creak at the door, causing your eyes to dart over the top of the page. Peeking her head into the room you saw Y/N, damp hair hanging over her bare shoulders as she looked at you. 

“I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to bother you. I didn’t know you were reading.” she says, rooted to her spot at the door. 

You put your book down on your chest and push your glasses up, “It’s okay, what’s up?”

She takes one step closer to the door, now half of her body visible, “Well nothing. I didn’t know you were reading, so it’s okay, nevermind.” she says bashfully, stepping backwards.

“Hey, no, wait! Come here…” you say, motioning for her to come over to you.

She rocks back on her heels before stepping into the room in a barely there black silk pajama set, causing your heart rate to skyrocket. She has her pillow in her arms as she walks over to your side of the bed, and sits on the edge right in front of you.

“I was just wondering if we were gonna watch tonight…” she admits. “But I see you are reading that book, so I want to let you do that. We probably shouldn’t be watching in your bed anyways.”

You let your hand settle on her silky smooth thigh, “Baby, I was only reading because your door was shut. I thought you were going to bed. Of course I want to watch.”

“Really?” she asks.

You dog-ear your page, and fold up your glasses, setting both on your nightstand before grabbing the TV remote.

You turn off the lamp as she stands up and walks around to the other side of the bed. You pull the fluffy duvet back as she slides in, putting her pillow behind her head. Sometimes you wish it wasn’t a king. Sometimes you wish it was a queen, just so you could be closer to her. Times like right now.

You press play on the remote, happy to have her here with you after wanting her to be here all day. You kick yourself again for doubting her.

“Whatcha thinkin’ bout?” she asks, rolling on to her side, to face you.

“You. All the cool stuff you found today.” you answer, listening to the theme song play.

“Hope you like it.” she grins.

“I love it.” you say, reaching out and squeezing her hand. 

You pull your hand back but only let it drop a few inches from hers, not touching but still close.

It’s quiet between the two of you for a while, the climax of the episode just passing as she finally turns to you again.

“Do you think they’re in love?” she asks, her voice sleepy.

“Who, Scully and Mulder?” you ask.

“Yeah. I think Scully is in denial that she loves him.” she says.

“I think they both love each other but their job makes it difficult for them to have a relationship. If they pursued it, and something happened, not only would they lose each other but they would lose their investigative partner too. They are both so committed to their jobs they aren't willing to risk doing anything that might take it away from them.” you said, turning to look at her.

“But how do you know he loves her?” she asks.

“See how he looks at her when she talks? And how is always just kind of there, ready to act if something were to happen to her? I don’t know, I guess I can just tell. Same things I do, I think.” you answer.

“You think you would save me if the aliens tried to take me?” she giggles.

“Yeah, of course I would save you. Or I would make them take me, too.” you said, letting your fingers trail over her arm.

She twitched, “Ooh, don’t do that! It tickles!” she squeals.

“What, this?” you said, repeating the movement with a little more force causing her to squirm closer to you. 

“Jake! Stooooopppp…” she pleads.

You do it once more, hearing her laughter fill the room as she playfully fights you off.

The credits start to roll in the background, and you both look up at the screen. 

“One more?” she asks.

“Okay, one more…” you agree, knowing you’d watch ten more if she asked like that.

Throughout the entirety of the next episode, the two of you have inched your way closer and closer to each other, until she is practically laying on top of you. You run your fingers through the ends of her hair, as her hand rests on your stomach. Her finger tips are making small circles on your bare skin, and it is taking every single ounce of willpower to not jump her bones right here. 

She thinks you don’t notice her hand moving lower and lower on your stomach, grazing the top of your boxers with her pinky finger. Sliding the soft tip of her finger through your happy trail. You wanted her. No, needed her. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t break the rules.

As the credits rolled once again, she didn’t move. She laid perfectly still on your chest, as you reached over to grab the remote, turning the TV off. The room was left in darkness, as you resettled yourself on the pillows. 

“Are you staying? You can stay if you want to…” you whisper into her hair.

“I know I shouldn’t, I’m just so comfy…” she groans, sliding her legs together.

“Your call baby.” you reply.

“Just tonight. Tomorrow we start over. Following the rules.” she says.

“Okay. Start over tomorrow. Fresh start. All good.” you repeat back to her.

The room goes silent for a few minutes, just the sound of your heart beating in your chest, as her fingers continue to graze the elastic of your boxers. 

“I can hear your heart beating fast you know…” she giggles, sliding a finger into the hem.

“Well you have your fucking hand halfway down my boxers, and my dick is throbbing so hard they can hear it in Knoxville.” you quip.

You feel her laugh against your chest, “I should probably stop. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” she says, pulling her hand away. 

Fuck.

“It’s okay baby. Just miss you is all.” you reply, wondering how you’re going to fall asleep with this situation going on. 

You turn towards her, letting your hand cup her face as you press your lips to hers, “Goodnight.”

You know the second it happens that you fucked up, “Shit Y/N. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just habi–”

You’re cut off by the feeling of her lips on yours, begging and pleading for you. You put your hands back on her face, pulling her closer to you as her tongue licks into your mouth. You can taste her and her mint toothpaste, as your tongues tangle together the way they have always just known how. 

You pull back from her, all panting and heavy breathing, “Baby, the rules… we aren’t suppos–”

“Do you want to stop?” she breathes.

“No.” you answer, reattaching your mouth to hers, continuing to devour her completely, in all the ways you dreamt of over the past three weeks. 

You pull your lips down the curve of her jaw, moving to hover over top of her as you press soft kisses into her neck and shoulder. You grab her arms in your hands as she writhes beneath you, her breathing telling you everything you need to know. 

You bring your head back down to her chest, placing a wet kiss on her sternum, dragging your tongue up to the hollow of her throat.

“Jake…” she breathes.

“Mhmm…” you hum.

You let your hand run up underneath the thin black silk of her tank top, ghosting your hand over her hardened nipple, before letting your thumb and forefinger pinch the sensitive skin.

“Tell me to stop, and I will…” you offer.

“We can’t…” she whines.

“But we are…” you reply, taking her nipple into your mouth. Her back arches up off the bed and a whine leaves her lips.

“Baby… god. I miss you so bad…” you say before reattaching your lips to her. 

Her hands come up from the sheets, fisting into your hair as you continue to trail kisses down her stomach. 

“Keep going Jake…” she breathes.

You run your finger under the band of her silky shorts, as her hips arch into your touch.

“What’s wrong baby? You miss me too?” you tease, pulling yourself lower on the bed, pushing the blankets out of the way.

“Yes… Yes, I miss you too…” she pants.

“Been so long…Did you forget me?” you ask, hooking your fingers into her shorts, and pulling them down her legs.

“Need me to refresh your memory?” you ask.

“Please…” she begs.

You press a kiss to her thigh, causing her hips to jerk forward again. 

“Maybe just… a little reminder of what it was like…” you taunt.

Her hand reaches for yours, holding her hip bones, twisting her finger with yours. You use your free hand to slide your middle and ring fingers through her center, collecting the wetness. 

“Mmmm… that’s my fuckin’ girl right there. Gorgeous little thing so ready for me.” you say, letting your thumb connect with her clit.

“Jacob…” she groans.

“It’s been too long hasn’t it?” you ask, letting your middle finger slide into her.

Oh shit. You feel your dick twitch in your boxers and you know that this is doing just as much for you as it is for her.

You let your finger slide against her walls, pressing into her sweet spot as her body begs for more.

You pull your finger out of her and push her legs apart as you attach your mouth to her center. You let your tongue swipe through her folds, before positioning it at her opening and pressing forward. The sounds leaving her mouth are pure ecstasy, and you wish you could bottle it for a rainy day.

You let your tongue begin to flick back and forth over her clit as you push two fingers inside of her again.

Her hand returns to your head, pulling you down onto her harder as you feel her insides fluttering. 

“Taste so fucking good baby. So fucking perfect. Never get enough of you.” you groan against her. 

You let your other hand come up and roll her left nipple between your fingers as her hips begin to buck into your mouth. 

“Jake, I’m close, I don’t want it to be over…” she whines.

“I know baby, me either. You feel so fucking good on my tongue, wanna stay here forever. But I want you to cum for me. Want to make you feel good. Miss hearing my girl say my name.” you coax.

As you continue to flick your tongue across her clit you feel her legs snap up around you, and her walls tighten against your fingers. With a blow of cold air against her clit and reattaching your lips to suck it into your mouth, your name is echoing through the house as she releases onto your tongue. She rides the high for a minute or two, before letting her legs fall back to the side. You place a kiss on her groin and slide off the bottom of the bed to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. 

When you return you see her sitting up in the bed, waiting for you to come back. 

“Here, I tried to wait for the water to warm up, I just didn’t want to be too long.” you say, handing her the cloth. 

A few minutes later she is pulling her shorts back on, and fixing the strap of her top. 

She stands up from the bed and grabs her pillow, before attempting to fix the sheets. You grab her hand as she starts to walk away, “No, nononono….please stay baby.” you plead.

She lets out a sigh, clearly conflicted about what to do. 

“The rules are already broken babe. Come back to bed. Let me hold you. Sleep so good with you here…” you beg.

She climbs back in and cuddles up next to you, letting another deep breath leave her lips.

“What’s wrong love, was it not good?” you ask.

“No, it was amazing, Jake…So good… I just…” she says, fighting off tears.

“What, tell me…” you breathe.

“I just love you so much and miss you so bad, and I feel like you’ll regret doing that in the morning. We have so much to work on and…” she says, a tear slipping out of her eye. 

“No. I will never, ever regret making you feel good. Not ever. I know we both decided we weren’t going to do that, and that we were going to take things slowly and give ourselves time. But we live together, and we are bound to slip up. It’s human nature. I’m attracted to you and you’re attracted to me. I want to make you feel good and you want to make me feel good. As long as we don’t make it a habit, I think it’s okay. At least, I’m okay with it.” you giggle.

“No, you’re right. I just…feel like I am the one who should be…making amends.” she sniffles.

“Baby you’ve already made more amends than you know. Everyday we are getting better, even if it doesn’t feel like it. A small step forward is still a step. And I need to make amends to you too.” you say.

“Okay. I’m sorry I didn’t…you know.” she said. 

“Don’t be sorry, that was as satisfying for me as it was for you. You know that is one of my favorite things. I miss you too, you know. All of you. All the time.” you say, kissing her forehead. 

She twists around in your arms, fitting her body perfectly with yours. You pull the duvet up over the two of you, before sliding your hand under her top, and letting your thumb gently glide over the set of stars marked in her skin. It’s not long before she is passed out in your arms. And as you held her close, you closed your eyes feeling perfectly content to stay right here with her, like this, for the rest of your life.

—

You startled awake, sitting up in the bed to find her gone once again. You rested back down into the pillows, a familiar smell filling your nose causing your mouth to water. Surely not…

You grab your phone and look at the texts waiting for you, deciding none of them were more important than what was going on in your kitchen at the current moment.

You threw the duvet off of you and stood from the bed, hearing your joints pop and crack. You stretched your arms over your head with a yawn, before opening the bedroom door and peeking into the hallway. Soft music was playing from the kitchen speaker as you quietly made your way down the hallway. You stopped just short of the kitchen, standing back and watching as Y/N ladled pancake batter into the skillet as she hummed along quietly to the music.

You snuck up behind her, wrapping your arms around her waist as she jumped with surprise.

“Jake! Holy shit…” she pants.

“I thought part of this deal was that we were going to listen to Sam Cooke…” you growled into her neck as she flipped the pancakes.

“It’s a Sam Cooke playlist… Does that count?” she laughs.

You nodded and released her, walking over to the coffee pot, grabbing the mug she left for you and filling it to the top. You took a seat at the island, resting your elbows on the counter as you watched her continue to cook. She peered over her shoulder at you a few times just smiling, probably feeling the same way you were feeling. 

“I’ve decided you can’t wear that anymore.” you say, gesturing to her pajamas.

“What?” she asks, turning to face you.

“That little thing…If we are following the rules you cannot wear that…” you plead.

“Why, you like it?” she smirks.

“Something like that.” you say, raising your eyebrows.

“What happens when you find out I have like 5 more in different colors?” she asks.

“I become a tortured man.” you laugh.

“Okay tortured man, come get your pancakes.” she quips.

You stack them high on your plate, ready to completely devour the meal you'd been craving for weeks. As you sit across from her at the table you look up at her, smiling as she watches you eat.

“What?” you laugh.

“Nothing, you’re just…” she trails off.

“I’m what!” you prod.

“Sweet.” she smiles.

“Sweet, huh?” you say, dipping your finger in the syrup and swiping it over her lips playfully.

“Hey!” she says, swiping her syrup finger over your lips.

You tap her cheek, leaving a sugary sweet drop on her dimple as she laughs.

Next thing you know her finger is brushing your cheek, mirroring your actions. 

You both pause, looking at each other for just a second too long before she's launching into your lap and connecting your lips to hers. You wrap your sticky hands around her waist, pulling her down onto you as your tongue tastes the sweet maple sugar on her lips. 

Your hips press up into her causing a whimper to leave her mouth. She pulls away, staring at you so closely you can see your own reflection in her eyes, “Starting fresh.”

“Yes. Starting fresh.” you say, pulling her in for one more kiss. She lets her tongue swipe across your lips before peeking in ever so slightly. Suddenly she's pulling away, and standing from your lap, leaving your noticeable erection in open view. 

Her eyes flick down to it, and her breath catches before swallowing back her emotions. 

“Thank you for the pancakes... Same time next week?”

---

HER POV

“Baaaaabe!” You hear Jake call from his study. 

“Yeaaaaah?” You call back smiling, hearing his voice call you by your favorite name in the world again, making your insides do flips. 

“Josh is coming over in a little bit! Don’t be naked or anything!” He says. 

Jesus, Jacob. You laughed as you folded the laundry on the couch. You scoffed again, picking up a giant unfolded pile of his clothes and rushing through the house. You found him relaxed back in his giant leather chair, strumming away in nothing but his boxers. You snuck behind him, dumping all the clothing in your arms overtop of him before running away. 

“You don’t be naked!” You giggled as you ran back to the guest room and locked yourself away before he could jump up and catch you. 

“Hey! What the hell!” You heard him yell and chuckle as you heard his heavy footsteps hitting the wood floor toward you. You held your ear against the door to listen to him try and get in. He jiggled the old door handle, knocking quietly right against your ear on the other side. 

“Open up, love…you can’t get away that easily…” he muttered quietly, rapping his fingernails against the door. You giggled, staying quiet to see what his next move would be. “Y/N, you can’t stay in there all day…”

“Yeah I can, I’ve been doing it for the past few weeks…don’t underestimate me, babe.” You said through the door. 

You spoke on deaf ears, hearing his footsteps trail away. Ah. Guess he doesn’t want to play anymore. You walked backwards to the bed, sitting on it gently still waiting for something to happen. 

A few seconds later you heard the handle rustle again, as you watched it turn in completion, and the door slowly push open. He stood in the threshold, left arm full of wrinkled laundry, and his right hand lighted high, holding something small that hung from an old long piece of leather string. 

“You forget I’ve got a skeleton key, love?” He said through a sly smile. 

Oh shit. 

The pile of laundry was suddenly thrown back on you, making a mess of your perfectly made bed. He ran back out of the room as you gathered the clothes and ran off toward him for your revenge. You found him seated on the couch where you just were, silently folding the laundry left behind. He raised his eyebrows to you, knowing that he was in a place that you couldn’t get him. 

“Touché, Jake. Touché.” 

Just then you heard knocks on the front door as you saw the poof of Josh’s hair poke inside. “Hello! Anybody home? I come bearing gifts!”

You walked toward the door, meeting him there and taking a few things from his hands. “Hey! What’s going on?” You greeted him with a smile. 

“Nothing just stopped by the store and thought Jake might want these.” He said, pulling a pack of something out of a brown bag. Jake trodded into the kitchen, still in just his boxers, and started digging around in the bags. 

“Here, look what I found!” Josh said, throwing the pack through the air to Jake. He caught them and read the packaging. 

“Pedialyte popsicles?! I didn’t even know they made these!” Jake said, rushing to the freezer to throw them in. 

“Me neither. We used to tear a whole pack of those things up in one day as kids. Mom would keep extras in the freezer all summer long, remember?” Josh said, pulling more things from the bags. “And you’re probably still dehydrated, so. It’s a win win!”

“Thanks brother, I’m actually very excited to eat those. How are you feeling?” Jake asked. 

“Much better…my throat, though.” He said, grabbing across his neck. “Still scratchy as hell. I’m actually glad that we decided to take some time. I would’ve sounded like shit.” 

“You always sound like shit.” Jake quipped, popping some cashews into his mouth. 

“Fuck you, you sing then.” Josh said. 

“No, I don’t want to. I can’t anyway.” Jake said, pulling some gatorades from the plastic holder. 

“Yes you can, Jake are you joking?” You added. “You should hear yourself in the shower.”

He blushed a little. “Ahh, nah. Not my forte, unfortunately. Maybe one day.”

“One day like the next album, one day?” Josh said, silencing the room and raising one eyebrow to Jake. 

Jake stood puzzled. “Uhh, probably not, why? What is that brain of yours cooking up now?”

Josh stole the can of cashews from Jake’s hand. “Oh nothing, just had some cool thoughts about the next round.” 

“Uh huh, and?” Jake pressed. 

“I dunno. I’ve been wanting you guys to all sing with me for a long, long time. I know you know you can sing. Danny absolutely doesn’t care to, Sam only agreed to backup, which is good too. I dunno, the fans always go nuts when you even speak, thought it might be cool to do something a little more intimate maybe.” You watched Jake’s face as he listened to Josh talk, his own wheels spinning. 

“Like something acoustic?” He added. 

“Exactly.” 

“Hm. That might be a really neat switch up. Very interesting.” He said, leaning his elbows on the countertop. “Could bring back some oldies, even…” 

“Yes, I was thinking that too. We already know the basic premise of this next one, and how we wanna do it. It’d be really cool to touch back to the past a little bit. Really reconnect with the roots of things, you know?” Josh said, licking his teeth. “Anyway, that’s for a later discussion. Just thought I’d put it in your head.”

“I’ll definitely think about it. I hate to be a bad host, but I’m gonna go take a nap. These meds are still kicking my ass.” Jake said, running his hand through his hair. 

“Goodnight brother.” Josh said, continuing to pull some random items out and put them into the fridge. 

“You can hang out, Josh. If you wanna. I’m just bustling around the house today.” You said, wanting some company from him. You still felt like you needed to continue to connect with Josh, letting him see that you were serious this time. 

The two of you went to sit on the porch, taking a couple of wine spritzers with you. Josh insisted that they were good, so you pulled out the red that Jake had gotten you last night and threw a little ice and sprite overtop. To your surprise, he was right. 

“It’s warm today, huh?” He said, making his way to the porch swing.

“Yeah, it is. Kinda weird for March…” you let the conversation rest while you swang, watching the barren tree limbs sway in the wind. “Josh, I have a question. And be honest, okay?” You said, turning to face him. 

“Okay, shoot.” He said. 

“Do you think I should really come on tour with you guys? I mean, after everything, and Jake and I wanting to give each other space…I don’t know. I didn’t tell him I was thinking about it, but. I just wanted your opinion.” You relented. 

He sighed, tilting back the last of his spritzer. “You kind of don’t have a choice, babe. Remember that little piece of paper you signed?” He winced, not wanting to remind you of your contract. 

Shit. “Yeah, I remember that. I just…want to give him what he needs. And if I’m there all the time, ya know.”

“I know. I get it. Maybe this can be like, your all’s first challenge together. If you’re both wanting to grow and start fresh, this can be what tests you the most. Maybe look at it like that.” He said, offering an alternative thought process. “Maybe look at it as a blessing in disguise, that you each still get to be with your favorite person, watching over each other  while growing together. Growing into the person each of you needs. Think of it like that.” He smiled. 

Hmm. You really hadn’t looked at it that way. 

“That’s actually a good way to put it, Josh. Everything with us has always been cut and dry, we’ve given each other more heartache than I care to admit. Me more on the giving side of it than him. And I don’t know, I’m just. Ready to be away from that version of myself.” You said, being completely honest. “I’m tired of her. I’m too young to be wasting my good years on being a bad person.” 

He looked to the sky again, before he took a short breath. “Do you love yourself, Y/N?” 

Your face fell. Your stomach fell, your entire body felt shifted by that question. Wow, you’d never asked yourself?

Your expression scrunched up. You looked away into the trees again as the breeze picked up, pushing some forgotten leaves across the yard. 

“No, Josh. I don’t think I do…” you whispered, admitting it to yourself and him at the same time. You felt a spring of tears well up in your eyes, drowning your eyesight. 

You felt his hand rest on the back of your neck, his touch feeling similar to Jake’s, but in a more comforting way. “Well then, how do you expect to give all your love to him when you don’t even have enough to give yourself?” 

The tears fell harder now as you nodded, looking to him while catching them as they tumbled. “You’re right, I’ve never…I’ve never thought of that. Like that, before…I guess.” 

“Y/N, when was the last time you felt truly happy with yourself, by yourself, alone? Like everything was gonna be okay, everything was going to positively work out?” He asked, his fingers grazing your neck. 

You thought long and hard over the past few years, all the ups and downs, all the heartache. All the terror from Andy, the uncertainty with Sam, and with Jake, and the world you more recently chose to put yourself in. The one that brought you nothing but heartache. The bad decisions and the good ones, the true happiness and the times you put only yourself first instead of everyone else. 

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” You shook your head, truly unable to answer him. “I don’t think I can remember, Josh.”

He brought his lips between his teeth and bit them hard. “Well then, let’s start there.”

You looked to him, feeling confused. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s figure out ways to make you love yourself again. I know it’s in there, we’ve just gotta find it.” He said again through a smile, shaking his glass of watery ice. 

“We?” You asked. 

“Yeah, we. Us. We don’t have to tell anybody. Just our secret.” He said, training his eyes on the clouds moving quickly over the sun. 

You felt overcome. You didn’t deserve this…didn’t deserve him and his kindness. 

“Josh, I can’t let you do that, help me like this. I- this is my shit, not yours.” You complained.

“Shh. You love my brother, right?” He asked. 

“Yes, more than anything in the world.” Honestly. 

“And so we’re family, right?” He asked again. 

“Right, yes. But, Josh, you still should hate me right now, be so disappointed in me that you could hardly stand to be around me, the way I hurt him.” You said. 

“Hate is a big word, Y/N. And I don’t have enough room in my heart for it. I’d rather fill it up with good things, with love and acceptance. So that’s what I’m going to do for you. Fill my heart back up with love for you, even though it’s going to take me a while. I’m human. I’m still disappointed in you.” He sipped from his glass. “But I’ll take that journey. As long as you can promise me you’ll fill your heart back up with love for you. Does that make sense?” 

You nodded. “I think so, yeah, it does…”

“Love’s a two way street. And you owe it to him to give yourself enough grace to find it yourself. So you can repay him. He’s not at all innocent, either but. That’s another conversation.”

The two of you continued to swing, falling silent again as you watched birds walk through the grass, the cold ground giving them little sustenance. 

“You know Josh, they really don’t make them like you anymore, seriously. You’re a one in a million person. And I’m truly thankful for you.” You said, already feeling more at peace than you had in a while. 

He started laughing. “What? What’s so funny?” You asked, your remnant tears turning into giggles. 

“The universe didn’t make me one in a million, babe. It made me two in a million.” He joked. 

“Shut up!” You said, pushing his shoulder, laughing as hard as him now. 

“We’d be too much for one earthly body to handle anyway, yeah?” He said, throwing the rest of his now watered drink into the grass. 

“Yeah. I’m glad you guys split up in the womb. Now I can love you both double time.” You gave him a cheesy smile. 

He grinned hard. “Just make sure you give him a little bit more, okay? Promise?”

“I promise, Josh.” You put your hand over your heart. He clinked his empty glass with yours. 

“Do you ever feel like you’re only half of a person?” You asked him, catching him off guard. 

“Um, yeah actually. Sometimes.”

“When?” You pressed. 

“When I haven’t been around Jake in a while…I start to feel kinda. Strangely incomplete…? I guess is the best way of putting it. And like my compass starts to go haywire…”

“Like you never know which direction to take? Because none of them make sense until you’re back with him?” You answered blankly, eyes fixed on a knot in the wood of the porch. 

“Yeah, exactly like that, actually…Why?” he trailed off. 

You perked up, moving your eyes to meet with his. “No reason, just. Wondering.” 

“Shall we have another?” He asked. 

“Absolutely, if you’re offering!” You said, getting up to follow him back into the house. 

After mixing another round, you both retreated back to the porch swing again, talking about life and music and traveling, all the places you were excited to visit. 

“Have you ever kept a journal, Y/N?” He asked. 

You crunched a large piece of ice. “No, I don’t think I have. Not since I was a kid.”

“Maybe you should. Might help you out a little. Also would be cool for my nieces and nephews to have a day-by-day account of their parents’ journey on the Dreams in Gold circus, huh?” He said, raising his eyebrows and drink into the air. 

You felt your body warm, and your cheeks grow pink, the lump in your throat growing too large to ignore.

“I’ll go get one tomorrow. Promise.”

——

After a couple more spritzers and really good conversation with Josh, you found yourselves relaxed still on the porch swing, letting the warm air take you away. You’d thrown your legs over his lap now as you swung, talking more and more about nothing at all. The sun was beginning to set, and the warm glow of the early spring sunlight was illuminating everything it touched. 

“Your eyes turn caramel in the sun just like Jake’s do.” You told him as he swung. 

“Ah, thank you dahling. Aren’t they pretty?” He joked as he flicked his long eyelashes at you over and over. “Speaking of, that jackass has been asleep for hours. He sleep like this a lot?” 

“Yeah, his medicine makes him exhausted. I’m just glad he’s resting.” You said. 

“Yeah, me too. Hey, yoga tomorrow at 9am. Wanna go?” Josh asked. 

You sighed. “Yeah, sounds good to me. Gotta start somewhere, huh?”

“Yep. You’ll love it, I promise. Also, what do you think about maybe doing a family dinner tomorrow? Like old times, everybody really misses each other.” He suggested. 

“Oh, yes please! I think that would be great. I miss family dinners. Everyone can come here?” you said. 

“Perfect! You think Jake will be up for cooking?” He asks. 

“He will be if we tell him he is…” you laughed, sipping the last of your spritzer. 

——

JAKE POV

You can hear her voice, it's muffled and jumbled and you can’t quite make out any words, but you know it’s hers. You can almost picture her, floating above you reaching her hand out to have you follow her into an unknown place where the two of you can just exist together, and nothing bad ever happens. 

Your eyes crack open, the room bathed in the light coming in between the curtains. You yawn as you realize how long you had slept. You heard her voice again, and figured out her voice was drifting into your dream, as she sat on the porch talking to Josh. He must not have left after you went to sleep. 

You got up and walked over to the front door, but just as you were about to open it you stopped yourself. Whatever they were talking about seemed almost…private. You peeked out the window and saw him talking to her, using his hands as he explained whatever it was they were talking about, and you smiled. You loved seeing him talk to her. Bond with her. You hoped he loved her too. 

As you walked up the stairs you let your mind drift off, wondering what would have happened if you never left that hospital. Would he have helped her? Would she have helped him? Would they have made it through something like that? You couldn’t imagine the roles reversed. You’d never be the same without him. 

You walked into the spare room, sitting down at your desk, so carefully crafted with art supplies, seeing the new paint and brushes sitting at the top. You smiled, thinking back to last night, and how excited she was to show you all of the things she bought you. It felt good to know that you were on her mind just as much as she was on yours. 

You knew your fans were on pins and needles waiting to hear any kind of update after the cancelation of the shows. You were going to write to them, and tell them everything. Give them hope that you would be back, and stronger than before. Because truthfully, you would. 

You grabbed a pen and your sketchbook, opening it up and flipping through to find the first blank page. You spent the next thirty minutes meticulously crafting a letter of hope and resilience in the face of uncertainty, and you hoped your message came through. You signed your name with all the love you had, and capped your pen, carefully tearing the page from the book. 

As you went to close the book, you flipped through, seeing a few old drawings you started and abandoned, telling yourself you'd come back to them one day, but always having a reason not to. But one, your favorite one, was finished. You stared at it, taking in the curves of her body as you drew them that night from memory, wishing now, that you could go back.

Something caught your eye in the very bottom left hand corner, something that looked like pencil markings from the other side of the paper. Puzzled, you flipped it over to find something that tore your heart to shreds with the first words.

To my Jake…

I never knew you’d drawn this…drawn me, in such a perfect way that I really don’t resemble in the least. 

If I could re-pose, and have you draw me from memory again, I’d be filled with holes, and tears and scratches…because that’s how I feel right now. Like I don’t deserve to be looked at in the light that you always saw me in. 

I’m so sorry I did what I did.

I’m so sorry I can’t take it back.

And I’m so sorry I never got to be the picture of perfection that you always said I was.  

Thank you for being the best thing in my life.

I’ll never love another thing as much as I love you..

You’ll never leave my mind.

She loves you, always.

Then perfectly at the bottom, a lyric from the song you danced to in the kitchen, not long before both of your worlds were changed forever. 

‘Honey, nothin’…nothin’ can ever change this love I have for you…’

It felt like your heart had been ripped from your chest. How could she ever think she was anything less than perfect? Sure she had made her share of mistakes but you didn’t realize how deep those wounds were for her. She had to have written this before you left for Michigan. When you left her here sad and alone without a second thought. Before you said all of those terrible things. You had only made it worse for her. 

 You knew she wrote this with hopes that one day you would find it. That one day when she was long gone and a distant memory, maybe you’d forgive her for what she did. She never thought it would be this soon, or that she’d still be here, or that you’d already forgiven her. Though you hadn’t told her that, it was true. It was true the second you saw her in that hospital. 

You gently ripped the page from the leatherbound book and read it over and over, her heartfelt ode to you made in some of her darkest days. You pushed your chair back standing and grabbing your letter and hers, making your way downstairs. You found your way into your study, examining the walls, looking for a frame to repurpose. You grabbed the thick gold frame near the door, and popped the back off of it, pulling the magazine cover out and tossing it on the couch. You grabbed her letter, and placed it inside before securing the back again and hanging it on the wall. 

You took a step back and swallowed your emotions, seeing her love for you, physically hanging on the wall in front of you. Something you could look at every single day and know was real. 

You grabbed the old magazine and placed it on your bookshelf, before grabbing your letter and clearing your throat. You walked to the front door twisting the knob and stepping out into the slightly warmer than normal air. 

“Well there he is…” Josh crooned.

“Yeah, yeah, I told you, that shit makes me tired.” you said, stepping up to the two of them on the swing.

“So I wrote this, I was going to post it on my instagram later if you think it’s okay.” you said, nervously handing the note to Josh.

He raises his eyebrows at you and begins to read it. You nervously flick your eyes over to Y/N, seeing her pink cheeks and a buzzed smile on her lips.

“Sleep okay?” she grins.

“Yeah, was a little cold though.” you say sending her a wink.

“I think this sounds great Jake. But I have to ask which version of Thesaurus you’re using, because I don't think mine has some of these words in it.” he says handing the paper back to you.

“Kiss my ass.” you quip, snatching the paper from him. 

“Can I read it?” she asks looking up at you.

You hand it to her watching her eyes read over each line. 

“It’s perfect Jake.” she smiles.

“You think I should post it?” you ask.

“Yeah, people are going to absolutely flood your socials though, but you already know that.” Josh laughs.

“That I do.” you smile. “Okay, I’m gonna go post it and then…I’ll start on something for dinner. Josh you staying?” you ask.

“Nah, I’m about to head out, but hey, I’ll swing by tomorrow and pick you up okay?” he says, tapping Y/N’s knee. 

“Yep! I’ll be ready!” she smiles, both of them standing up from the swing. 

“Later!” he says, skipping down the steps to his car. 

You open the front door, letting her walk in as you wave him off and shut the door behind you.

—

You watched the comments filled with love and encouragement roll in as you sat at the table eating. You flipped your phone over, and continued to eat, as she looked over to you.

“Does it ever get annoying?” she asks.

“What, my phone?” you ask.

“Yeah, just the constant notifications and stuff.” she says.

“No, not annoying. You just have to know how to manage it and you’re golden. There were once days where we wished people would just leave one comment on our post. Just like one of our videos. Share our music with their friends. Now look. I wish I could respond to every single comment or message but, I would be buried in seconds. I just mute my notifications, and when I get bored I will look through them. Usually on the bus after a show when my adrenaline is still high. I see people's posts from the shows and all that. Kind of exciting. Feels like we made it, ya know?”

“Jake, you guys are playing with Metallica in a few weeks. You’ve most definitely made it!” she laughs. 

“Yeah, that’s true. Sometimes I can’t believe it myself. I always wonder what life would be like if we never made it out of the garage. If I never dragged Josh and Sam in there in the first place.” you ponder.

“Guess we’ll never know.” she says, smiling. 

“Oh, Josh and I were talking about maybe reinstating family dinner night?” she says.

“Were you… I was wondering what you two were talking about out there.” you reply.

“What do you think about everyone coming over here tomorrow night. Danny and Sammy miss you.” she says, knowing exactly how to pull on your heartstrings.

“Mmmm…Okay, yeah I can probably do that.” you agree. 

“Maybe we can make that spaghetti sauce tomorrow and have that for dinner?” she asks.

“You wanna help me make it?” you ask.

“Yes!” she says.

“Are you sure…It takes all day…” you taunt.

“Yes, Jacob…” she grins.

“Okay. Sounds like a plan. I can text the guys.” you say grabbing your phone.

“I’m going to yoga with Josh in the morning, then I am your sous-chef all day…”  she says as she grabs your empty plate. “I’ll clean up tonight. You go relax.” 

“You sure, love?” you ask.

“Yep, take a popsicle!” she giggles.

“You know what I think I will.” you say, opening the freezer and tearing one from the package. You stare at her for a second, dying to kiss her, but taking a deep breath instead and turning on your heels to head down the hallway.

—

A little while later as you are flipping through the pages of your book, you hear the guest room door open and smile. You sit up in your bed and push your glasses onto your head, folding the page to keep your place. 

A few seconds later you hear a gentle knock at your door and see her head peek in. 

“Jake?” she calls out.

“Hello stranger…” you reply.

She steps into the room, in a big t-shirt and a pair of shorts, her hair hanging damp around her shoulders. 

“Just coming to see if my nightly attire is more suitable for your liking.” she says.

“Come here, let me get a better look.” you tease.

She walks over to the side of your bed, sitting on the edge as you look her up and down. 

“Well, this is one of my favorite things to see you in, though I prefer the no shorts version.” you say tugging on her shirt. “This definitely leaves more to my imagination, though to be completely honest I am still picturing you in the other thing, so it doesn’t really matter.” you laugh. “I’m wholeheartedly convinced you could wear a potato sack and I would still want you.”

She laughs and pushes your shoulder back, seeing the book on your chest. 

“Do you like it? Is it good so far?” she asks.

“It’s so good. So so good, can hardly put it down.” you admit. 

“You want to just read your book tonight? Those drinks earlier have me feeling a little sleepy anyways…” she says.

“Whatever you wanna do baby, up to you.” you answer. 

“I mean, I really do want to watch our show but I don’t know if I will even make it five minutes if I lay down in this bed…” she says. 

“So?” you question.

“So, we can’t keep sleeping together…” she says.

“Why not?” you ask.

“Because…I don’t know… we aren’t together. We shouldn’t be sleeping together. I don’t know, it makes sense in my head. It’s been like every night since we got back…” she tries to reason.

“Hmmm. I see your point. But the first night was an accident, and last night was… well, whatever that was. If you want to sleep separately that's fine, I just…know we both sleep better together.”

“Well I don’t want to, but I feel like we have to.” she says.

“I’m playing by your rules here, so again, your call, I'm fine either way.” you respond. 

“Okay, how about we watch one, but if I fall asleep you wake me up, and I will go to the guest room?” she asks.

“Okay.” you nod.

“Okay.” she says.

You close your book and glasses and set them on the nightstand, turning on the TV and turning off your lamp. She walks around to the other side of the bed, claiming her place as the episode starts. 

By the 10 minute mark you look over and see her completely passed out. She wasn’t kidding. You pause the episode and turn off the TV, pulling the blankets up over her arms as a gentle snore leaves her chest. 

You reach over and grab your book and glasses, turning the lamp back on, careful to see if it wakes her up, and when it doesn't you find your place in your book and listen to her quiet breathing as you drift back into the pages. 

An hour or so later, you find your eyelids growing heavy, and she has barely moved. You put your things back on the nightstand, and turn off the lamp. You roll over towards her, and smooth your hand over her peaceful face, causing her eyelids to crack open. 

“Hey baby…you fell asleep…” you whisper.

She groans as she shuts her eyes closed tight. 

“Do you want to go back to your room?” you ask. 

“Noooo….” she whines. 

“You told me to wake you up. You don’t want to sleep in here with me, remember?” you say, trying to gently remind her. 

She doesn’t respond, instead grabbing your hand to try and quell you. 

“Y/N…” you whisper.

“Shhhhh…..” she breathes pulling herself closer to you. You feel guilty that you’re letting her go back on what she said she wanted but you weren’t going to pass this up.

Giving it one last attempt you run your hand up her arm, “You want me to carry you in there?” you ask.

“No, gonna stay here…” she mumbles.

You give in, wrapping your arms around her, pulling her tightly into you as you feel her body relax. 

“Don’t want you to be mad at me in the morning, love.” you breathe.

“Not mad. Start fresh tomorrow. Start over tomorrow…” she says, right before falling back asleep.

You pull her close to rest on your shoulder, kissing her forehead as you release a relaxed breath, “Yeah baby, we can start fresh tomorrow…”

—

The sound of rummaging in your closet woke you from your dreamless sleep, and the blurriness that covered your eyes only half revealed her silhouette fingering through your hangers. 

“Whatcha doin sunshine?” You growled, chest still heavy from the lingering cough. 

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I’m just…heading to yoga with Josh and I was gonna borrow a flannel. It’s not cold enough for a jacket, and not warm enough for nothing…ah, here it is.”

You grinned as you sat up, finally seeing her full figure in plain view. “And who says you can steal my clothes anytime you want?” You joked. 

She slipped the oversized shirt on her arms as she walked toward your side of the bed, clad in tight black leggings and a beige sports bra. You felt your eyes grow huge as she came into better view. 

“The person that does all your laundry, I’d suppose.” She winked as she tapped your nose with her pointer finger. 

“Uhh, are you wearing that? To yoga? Can I come? I don’t want to participate I just wanna…y’know, watch…” you had no shame in letting your eyes travel up and down her body, taking in the sight of her. 

“There’s not much to watch, Jake. What do you mean?” She asked as she sat on the bed to slip on her tennis shoes. 

“I dunno, you just look…really good…today.” You felt your mouth salivating as you watched her bend to tie her shoelaces, an act so mundane but had you absolutely enraptured. Yeah, you’ve still got it bad. So, so bad. 

She stood up from the bed, turning to face you again. Her barely-covered midriff was right in front of your face, and it took everything in you not to wrap your arms around her, grab her ass and pull her forward…

“Well thank you, babe. That’s nice. And yes, you can come to yoga, but you have to participate. And I don’t think you want to do that, do you?” She said softly, trailing her fingertip lightly down your cheek and under your chin, lifting it to look her in the eyes. You felt yourself physically gulp. 

“No, but can you show me what you learned when you get home tonight? Maybe like, don’t change clothes…and maybe, here, on the bed?” You rubbed your hand along the sheets, smiling as you talked your talk. 

She giggled hard. “No Jake, that’d be breaking the rules. But maybe once I’m an expert, I can show you what I’ve learned without my workout clothes on. You know… how flexible I’ve gotten?”

Jesus Christ…

“Yeah. Yes, please. Go on, you’re gonna be late. Go become an expert, like... Tomorrow. Go…” you pushed her out of the way, urging her to go in before you let your urge get the best of you. 

“I’ll see you later, don’t forget your pills! Last ones and you’re a free man!” She laughed as she bounded out your bedroom door, her braid swinging down her back as she left. 

HER POV

You climbed into the passenger side of Josh’s car at promptly 8:35am, throwing your backpack into the backseat. 

“Morning! I got you a juice from that new place downtown, they’re so fuckin' good, I had to share.” He said, pointing to the cup holder. 

“Oh my god, Josh! That’s so nice of you, you didn’t have to do that!” You said, picking up the small cup full of bright green liquid. “What’s in it?”

“I dunno, kale and greens and carrots and shit. But it’s really good. I’m keeping it a secret from Sam so he doesn’t claim he found out about it first.” He said, pulling his sun visor down to block the morning rays. “So, you can buy your mat there, they sell nice ones for pretty cheap. And you’ll get to meet our instructor, Ms. Opal. She’s been doing this for like 25 years. She owns the place, too.”

“Perfect. I’m really excited!” But you were also nervous, and anxious to be starting something so new, and so out of your comfort zone. But you had Josh by your side, so you knew it was going to be great no matter what. 

He drove you down some backstreets that twisted and turned, until you finally pulled through a cluster of old Oak trees, revealing a tiny cottage-like structure that looked too old to be in the middle of the now bustling town. It had an old wooden front porch, an orange door, and wind chimes hanging from the roof of the porch, catching the sun and sending tiny rainbows all over the parking area. 

There were a few other cars there, but not many. As you walked inside, you could smell the faint smell of patchouli and Nag Champa, and the sound of peaceful flute music playing from a room in the distance. All of the doors and windows were open, despite the chilly morning air. Immediately upon entering the cottage, you felt an overwhelming peace that you could hardly even describe. 

“Joshua, my love! How are you this morning? I thought you wouldn’t be joining us for a few months?” A middle-aged woman came floating into the room, two long gray braids falling in front of her shoulders, her dark-complected face worn with years of smiling too much. She brought Josh into a big and friendly hug, her presence and energy matching Josh’s so perfectly you could cry. 

“Morning Ms. Opal…little change in plans, we’ll be here for a little bit longer. Ah, this is my friend, well, sister, really. Y/N.” He introduced you. “We’re going to do the beginner’s class today.”

“Hello, child. A beginner, hmm? It’s so great to meet you!” She brought you in for a warm hug, too, moving her hand up and down your back like she’d known you for years. “I hope you’re excited to be here, it’s a beautiful morning. And, the moon is a waxing crescent tonight, perfect timing to bring her to me, Joshua.” She winked to him. 

“I am excited, ma’am. It’s so nice to meet you, too.” You offered her your kindest smile. Josh walked you over to pick out the perfect new mat, and to enroll you in the beginners classes. You entered the room, along with just a few other people who seemingly didn’t know, or didn’t care, that they were in the presence of a famous rock star. You flattened your mat out in the corner. Josh placed his mat and himself next to you taking a seat at the base of his mat. 

He looked your way, giving you a soft smile. “You ready?”

——

JAKE POV

The security system chimed as the front door opened, your eyes shooting to the clock on the wall. 

Shit.

You jumped up from the couch and turned off the TV knowing she was going to be stepping in any second. You looked around the room looking for anything you could pick up to make it seem like you were productive while she was gone, and hadn’t sat on the couch flipping through Premier League games all morning. 

“Hi!” she says, tossing your flannel on the couch.

“Hey, how was your yoga class…” you said, resting against the door jam.

“Actually, it was so great. I wasn’t sure about it but, the instructor was so nice and so helpful, and Josh really knows his stuff too. I will definitely be going back.” she smiled.

“You were gone for a while, how long are those things?” you joked.

“Oh, it was only an hour but I stopped at the store to get this…” she said, pulling a small blue journal from a plastic bag. “Josh said he thought it might be helpful for me to keep a journal, so… we went and got one after class before he dropped me off.” 

“Cool baby…He has always had one, not surprised he suggested that.” you laugh. 

“Yeah, might be cool to look back on one day and see what was going on in our lives.” she said, walking over to you. 

“We gonna start that sauce soon?” she asks, stepping in front of you. 

You let your hands grip into her bare waist and pull her closer, “Mmmhm…but you…are gonna have to change or stay far, far away from me.” you growl.

“You have seen me wear this stuff a million times Jake, what is your deal?” she laughs. 

“Well, seeing you in it and knowing I can’t have you makes it about a million times worse.” you admit, sliding your hands down to her hips.

She sighs and steps back, heading towards the guest room, “Hopefully soon…I’m gonna take a shower, then we can start okay?”

You nod your head and release a deep breath as you watch her disappear into her room, wishing you were the one taking her clothes off.

—

Sadly, she did change, but still she was tempting you, in a little green dress you’d seen before, years ago. It tied at her shoulders and hit just at the middle of her thigh. So simple but still had your brain begging you to take it off of her. 

You stood at the island finishing chopping the vegetables to dump into the simmering sauce, as she prepared the salad and put it in the fridge. 

“It smells so good, I am starving…” she whined. 

“It is always hard to wait, but it’s always worth it.” you winked.

“Should we do something with those beets tomorrow?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah, I will google some recipes tonight and we can pick. Sound good?” you ask.

“Before or after our show?” she smiles.

“I don’t know, someone couldn’t keep their eyes open last night. Didn’t even make it ten minutes…” you quip.

“Ugh, I know…but I told you I didn't think I would…” she says, placing the cutting board into the sink. 

“Mmhmm… then you didn’t want to leave…” you said, flicking your eyes up to her as you slid the vegetables into the pot. 

She turned around quickly pretending to ignore you. 

“You know you don’t have to stay in the guest room…” you lilt.

“No. No. I do.” she says, trying to convince herself. You smirk as you shake your head, wondering how much longer it will be before she caves. 

“Okay baby, whatever you want.” you say, stirring the aromatic sauce. 

She makes her way over to the pantry, grabbing a bottle of red wine from the shelf and spins to face you with a smile.

“Is it time?” she asks, cheerfully.

“Yeah lover, go ahead I’m not stopping you.” you encourage. 

“Well, you finished your pills…You can have some with me?” she asks.

“Oh yeah, I guess you’re right aren’t you?” you say rubbing your chin, “Pour me up, we can toast to good health.”

She grabs two glasses from the cabinet and hands you the bottle to remove the cork. She takes it back from you pouring the crimson wine into the glasses. 

You each take one and tap them together, as she smiles and says, “So glad you didn’t leave us Jake…”

You sip the sweet red and look at her, “Could never leave my girl…”

—

As the sun started to set, a knock at the door had both of you turning to look. 

“I’ll grab it.” you said, mind already fuzzy from just two glasses of wine. Damn had you really been out of the game this long?

You twisted the knob seeing Sam and Elle bounding inside with smiles on their faces. Elle wrapped her arms around your neck and hugged you tight. “Oh my gosh! You look so much better Jakey, so glad you are feeling better!” 

She let go and scampered off to the kitchen to find Y/N. Sam stepped in and shut the door behind him with a nervous smile.

“Hey Sammy boy…” you said, voice a little gravely.

“Jake.” he nods.

You saw his lips turn upward with hope, his eyes still flicking around, nervous to make eye contact with you. He thinks you hate him. Time to fix this.

“Hey come in here with me real quick.” you said, nodding towards the study.

He swallows nervously and follows you inside, sitting down on the couch. You walk over to the bar car and hold up a bottle of scotch towards him, “Care to partake?” you ask.

He shrugs his shoulders and nods, as you grab two glasses and pour a finger of the alcohol. You walk over to the couch taking a seat next to him as you hand him his glass. 

You let out a deep breath as you relax into the cushion, “Listen Sammy, I know things seem fucked up. They are. I know I was harsh the other night, I was still really mad. At you, at her, at myself for how I reacted. At the situation I was in. I have had a little bit of time to think about it and I just need you to know that I forgive you. I’m not saying that it’s okay, it’s definitely not, but I am saying I want to move forward. Y/N are working through this. I want you and I to work through this. You're my little brother. My band mate. I don’t want you to feel like you need to walk on eggshells around me. Everything's out in the open now. Part of me feels just as guilty for planning to sleep with your girl. None of us are innocent. I love Y/N, and I love you, and I want all of us to be happy again, okay? I found out that life is short, and I’m not gonna spend it hating two of my favorite people.”

He nods his head and sips the scotch, “I really am sorry Jake. Neither of us were in our right minds. We both knew it was a mistake. I know that both of us wish we could take it back. I know that we can’t, but I can tell you I’m sorry, really truly sorry. In the hospital… shit Jake, you scared me so bad. I kept thinking about losing you and what I did, and how it left you and Y/N, and you couldn’t even see her and… I never hated myself more than in that moment. I begged God or whoever was listening to let you pull through. To not let you lose that lung. Just wanted to hear you tell me to fuck off one more time.” he laughed. 

“Anyways, I’m planning to talk to Elle about it soon. Want to clear the air with everyone, make things right. Whatever that is going to cost me. Want to do right by you, too. Need to keep you around. Not gonna do this life without ya.” he smiles nervously.

“Well, consider it cleared between us. I love you. Promise I’m not gonna leave ya, okay?” you say, putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Okay. Love you too.” he says shyly. “Wow, can’t believe we have said we love each other, again. Someone call Guinness!”

You shake your head and stand from the couch, raising your eye brows and smiling as you head towards the kitchen, “Fuck off…”

—

As you all stand around the kitchen island you hear the front door open and see Josh walking in with a bag of wine bottles.

“Hellooooo….” his nasally new accent rings through the house.

“Oh god, he is doing his Elle voice!” Y/N laughed, putting her hand on Elle’s arm.

“His what?!” she scoffs.

“He started doing this new voice and I’m so sorry but it sounds just like you when you get tipsy.” Y/N says, laughing. “Me and Danny were talking about it the other day.”

You poke your head around the door frame to signify your location as he joins you all in the kitchen. 

“I brought some bev-era-jiss for the gai-ls…” he continues, placing the bag on the counter.

You raise an eyebrow to him and smirk, “What a lovely mustache you have, ma’am.”

“Oooh, yiss, tank you, I must cawl my waxa with the sticky pay-pas…” he smiles.

“We are not twins. There is just no fucking way.” you laugh, hearing the door chime again and Danny’s booming voice fill the hall.

“Hope you don’t mind I brought a friend…” he says, stepping into the kitchen with Logan behind him.

No fucking way.

“Hey dude, nice place!” he says looking around the house.

“Yeah, no problem at all, sup man.” you say shaking his hand. 

“Oh my gosh! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming!” Y/N says, making her way over to give him a hug.

It’s fine. It’s totally cool.

Sam shoots you a side smirk, clearly knowing exactly what you’re thinking.

“I think everything is ready if we want to eat!” Y/N says.

“Yeah, everybody grab a plate, help yourselves.” you say, motioning towards the stove.

Y/N makes her way over to you, leaning her head onto your shoulder as you both watch everyone happily fill their plates with the food the two of you prepared together, in the house you shared, and you smiled. She loves you, always.

—

“So Logan, I heard you’ve worked some pretty cool gigs…” Sam said, striking up conversation as he twirled his spaghetti.

Great, here we go…

“Well, yeah, right out of college I apprenticed with this guy Chuck, who was managing crew for Foreigner. Went all over with them. Those guys have still got it, let me tell you. Busted my ass on that tour.” he laughs. “But it was great experience. Chuck got me in touch with someone else when the tour ended and I ended up going out with Joan Jett and her crew for a while. Just a short tour but that somehow ended up getting me on tour with Paul McCartney this last year. Man is a wealth of knowledge in the industry.”

“Paul McCartney?! Dude, you didn’t tell me that!” Danny says, dropping his fork.

“Yeah man, really nice guy. Super funny, plays jokes on his crew all the time.” he said. 

Okay so he worked with Paul McCartney, big deal. Probably doesn’t even know his music. 

“Damn I am so jealous, and now you’re with us, what a downgrade.” Sam laughed.

“No, actually, the few shows I have done with you guys have been phenomenal. Of course we’ve had a few hiccups to work out, but when we hit the road again, it’s gonna be golden. No pun intended.” he laughed, granting him a chuckle from Josh. 

You shot a look at Josh silently telling him not to laugh at his well timed jokes, to which Josh rolled his eyes. 

“So Logan, you listen to any McCartney after working with him?” you asked, ready to put him on the spot. 

“You know what, after hearing the songs he played on tour I have to say, I was a bit disappointed he didn’t play some of his deep cut stuff. I was hoping for some good shit to pop up every once in a while, but of course he had to stick to the classics. The man keeps a stacked setlist though, plays like 40 something songs a night.”

“Jesus Christ, I can barely make it through twelve.” Josh laughs.

“But, to answer your question, yeah I listen to the good stuff.” he says.

You smirk, “What’s your favorite album?” you ask, knowing he is going to pick something generic. There’s no way he actually likes good McCartney. Wings McCartney.

He sets down his fork and looks at you with a smirk, “Ahhh, most definitely Ram, but Wild Life is a close fucking second.”

Fuck me, maybe he does.

“And you know what, this may be somewhat of a controversial opinion, but his work with Linda and Wings was some of his most brilliant stuff. Venus and Mars? Iconic…”

You took a breath, trying to seem unphased, “Yeah I’m going to have to agree.”

“And Jakey finally has a challenger…” Danny taunts.

“Challenger?” Logan questions.

“Yeah, like, no one can go head to head with Jake when it comes to music trivia.” he explains.

“Oh…” he laughs, “Try me…” he says.

“I will. I will. Everyone has their weakness.” you smirk.

“Wait, speaking of Ram, has Y/N ever made you her famous monkberry moon delight drink?” he asks.

“No….” you answer, confused. 

“Oh shit she used to make it all the time in college...it was her specialty drink. Everybody loved it. Y/N! Can we make monkberries soon?!” he asked, turning to her.

“Y/N you have to!” Danny said. 

“Yeah, I want to try this famous drink, babe.” you said, making sure he heard you. 

“Oh my god yeah! I forgot about that. I can definitely make it! But, actually Jake, I don’t think you’d like it…not really your style.” she said, turning to you.

“You think so, huh? Haven't met a liquor drink I didn’t like…” you say.

“Well maybe I will make it for us soon. Next off day when we are on the road.” she smiles.

“Y/N, remember when you made it for that party and we carried that cooler in through the rain…I swear that thing weighed 100 pounds…” he laughed.

“Oh my god yes, and I slipped and you tried to catch me and you fell too and we almost spilled all of it?!” she laughed.

You felt yourself grow hot under the collar hearing about all the little memories they shared together.

He laughed and smiled, “Yeah, yeah, and then we got so fucked up on it we made Chris Horath drive us out to Frain Lake to go to that orchard because we were convinced we were going to steal apples and put them in the drink and it would taste even better!”

“Holy shit I totally forgot about that! We ended up lost as fuck in that cornfield in Ypsi! Made it back into civilization and stopped in a Meijer parking lot while I puked my guts out.” she laughed, damn near in tears. 

You swallowed down the words begging to leave your lips and sat back in your chair.

“God, that was so fun. Gotta love college right?” he said looking over at you.

“Wouldn’t know. Was busy touring the world with my band.” you spit.

“Annnyways, speaking of hitting the road, Sammy and I are leaving tomorrow to drive up to Cape Cod for his birthday!” Elle says sweetly.

“Oh my gosh! That is going to be so nice, I have always wanted to go there! Take lots of pictures okay?!” Y/N says. 

“I’m excited, I’ve never been there either.” Sam says.

“It was kind of last minute. We were supposed to be in New Jersey on his birthday, so I figured I could try to throw something together, and this is what I came up with.” Elle replies.

“It’s perfect baby, I can’t wait.” Sam says, kissing her sweetly. 

“Also, happy birthday Sammy!” Y/N smiles at him.

“Thanks m’lady…” he laughs.

“Yeah Sam, we can hit up that game place you like when you get back, okay? All the tokens you want, my treat.” Danny said. 

“You got yourself a deal.” he said.

You began collecting up the empty plates and carrying them to the kitchen, Josh hot on your heels with another handful.

You started rinsing them in the sink as he stood next to you, leaning against the counter. 

“Dude…You can’t be serious.” he whispered.

“What?” you ask, pretending to be oblivious to what he was insinuating.

He huffs out a breath, “Have another drink and relax. We’re gonna talk later.” he says, slapping your back and rejoining the crew.

—

After a few more drinks, everyone found themselves huddled around the TV in the study arguing over Mario Kart. Y/N was in the middle of a deep and heated drunken debate with Danny about why they are called the Mario Brothers, when Luigi is just as important as Mario. You laughed as you watched her from the doorway, her cheeks pink from the bottle of red, as she drove her point home.

Josh appeared behind you, grabbing your arm and nodding towards the front porch. You grabbed your wine glass and followed him, taking a seat in the wooden chairs. The air had cooled just slightly, the hot summer weather looming as the days passed. He sat across from you in the matching chair, kicking his feet up onto the table. 

“What’s up Jake.” he asked, sipping his drink.

“What do you mean?” you ask dismissively. 

“It’s very clear to me that you are having some sort of internal pissing match with Logan. It’s written all over your face.” he says, challenging you to disagree.

“Nope. I’m fine.” you lied.

“Lie to me again, Jake.” he said.

“I just don’t like him just popping up out of nowhere, having all these inside jokes and shit with Y/N.” you admit.

“How come?” he asks, rubbing his mustache.

“I don’t know.” you mutter.

“I think you do…” he says.

You sigh, “I don’t know. I guess I just hate that he has something with her that I don’t. Which sounds stupid to say. She went back to college and left me and picked him up like I never existed. I thought about her everyday and she was busy partying with…him. Now he’s back in her life and I just feel…I don’t know, protective.” 

“And that's a valid way to feel. He was with her when you couldn’t be. Look at it that way. He watched out for her and was a friend to her… she came back to you, Jake. And as far as feeling protective over her…” he smirked, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” 

“Why’s that?” you ask.

“He’s just doesn’t strike me as a threat. They are just friends.” he says. 

“Whatever. I guess he is kind of cool. Likes good music.” you admit.

“I think the two of you have a lot more in common than you are willing to admit.” he raises an eyebrow.

“Okay whatever… are you done lecturing me?” you scoff.

“No, there is something else I want to talk to you about.” he says.

“And that would be?” you ask, tossing back the rest of your glass of wine.

“I was talking to Y/N yesterday, and I spent the morning with her today…She’s changing Jake. She is really, really trying. She is looking for any and every way to try and better herself. She has been incredibly open to everything I am throwing at her, and she is taking responsibility for her shit. I am really hopeful for you two and I don’t know if she has talked to you about it, but… she was thinking about stepping back from the tour.”

“What?!” you ask, sitting forward. 

“She wants to make sure she is giving you both space to heal and grow, and she said she felt like her being around wasn’t going to give you the space you need.” he says.

“No, no. She can’t drop out. Shit, I can’t leave her here. I don’t even want space. I’m just going along with whatever she wants to do because…fuck, because I don’t want to spend a single second without her.” you started to panic.

“Relax Jake. She isn’t going to. I talked her out of it. I wasn’t telling you that to freak you out. I was telling you that because I want you to understand how serious she is about trying to fix things with you. I don’t know exactly where you two stand,  but I hope that you are willing to be receptive to her wanting to mend things with you.” he says.

“I am, I know how she feels, and I finally believe her. I thought I knew how much she loved me before but…the past couple of weeks have really shown me. As much as I hate to say it, part of me feels like something like this had to happen for both of us to wake up and realize that we’re it for each other.” you say, rubbing your mouth.

“She wrote me this note…This horrible fucking note. A goodbye basically, telling me how sorry she was, that she could never see herself the way I saw her. That she didn’t deserve to. Fucking killed me. Bared her soul to me, left it on the back of a drawing, not knowing if I would ever see it. I know how much she loves me. I know how sorry she is. Her and Sam made a horrible mistake, but I will be goddamned if I don’t spend every second of forever reminding her that even though she has made mistakes, even though she is flawed, she has been and will always be perfect to me.”

“I know, brother. We all know…” he says.

It’s quiet between the two of you for a while, just staring out into the night watching the cars pass. 

“You know, dad gave me great-grandma Amelia's ring…” you say, breaking the silence.

He turns to look at you, “Is that so…”

“Yeah, when I went home…after everything. Made me feel sick. She was asleep on the fucking couch in the other room after we played pretend all day in front of mom and dad.”  you said. 

“Ouch.” he quipped.

“I didn’t want to take it. Wanted to tell him to give it to Sam. There was no thought in my head of ever wanting it.” you said.

“So what’d you do?” he asks, finishing his drink.

“I took it. Mom made me. Told me ‘ya never know when you might want it’. So I took it and now it’s burning a hole in my pocket. I think mom was right. I can’t stop thinking about it on her finger. But look at us… I don’t know man, it’s just…I love her. She loves me. Why can’t it just be simple?”

“I know it’s tough right now. But I know things are going to work out. Just give her time to figure herself out. Let her deal with her demons. You can’t expect her to love you how you need, if she doesn’t love herself.” he says.

“She doesn’t love herself?” you ask.

“No. But she’s trying. That’s what I’m saying. She wants to be what you need Jake.” he says.

“Don’t…tell anyone that…about the ring. I hid it where no one would find it. But…” you ask.

“I won’t tell Jake. I promise. But I will admit, I can’t wait for the day that girl becomes my sister for real.” he smiles, standing up from his chair.

“You think she would say yes?” you ask.

He smiles and shakes his head, “Jake… she’s not meant to be anyone else’s. She’s been waiting her whole life for you to simply, ask.”

—

After everyone left the two of you found yourselves in the kitchen, drying wine glasses and wiping the counters down after a successful family dinner. Y/N put on one of the new albums she bought you, letting the music spin through the house and into your ears, a sweet relaxing jazz ballad. As it came to a close she turned to you, “Should I flip it, or are we done?”

“Flip it, and come back to me...” you say.

You put away the last of the wine glasses, tossing the dish towel over your shoulder as she walks back into the kitchen. The music is floating through the air and the wine is still swirling through your system. You grab her hand and pull her towards you, wrapping your right arm around her waist, and holding your clasped hands in the air. She smiles as she realizes what you’re doing, relaxing her body and letting her head rest on your chest as you dance with her to the moody music.

“I forgot how sweet you are when you drink wine…” she utters.

You rest your head on top of hers and sigh, letting your fingers lace with hers. 

“Just missin' you baby.” you breathe into her hair.

“I’m right here.” she says.

You slide your hand from her waist up to the back of her neck, holding her close to you, “You know what I mean…”

Her hand slides under the back of your shirt, resting on your lower back as her fingers lightly scratch into your skin, “Yeah, I know.”

You press a kiss to the top of her head, and let her go, letting her step away. 

“Gonna take a shower…” she says.

“I’ll be in the study.” you smile back, watching her walk down the hallway.

You turn off the lights in the kitchen and make your way to the study, grabbing your guitar and sitting down in your leather chair. A content sigh leaves your chest, as you finally feel like you are getting some of your normal energy back.

You start to strum against the worn in strings, the feeling of your favorite guitar back in your hands, like nothing you could imagine. You toss your head back onto the cushion and close your eyes, trying to pick out the notes to the song that's been stuck in your head all day.

You think back on your talk with Josh, and really consider what he told you. Maybe it's because you’ve ended every night with her in your arms, but you are hopeful that he’s right about the two of you. You hope that she can learn to love herself. You hope that she feels like she is learning and growing and becoming the person that she wants to be. All you really want is for her to be happy.

Your mind drifts again wondering what it would be like if she did leave the tour. You wonder what she would do. Where she would go. Would she stay here? What would happen between the two of you? Would she call you? Text you?

You snap out of your thoughts when you hear the guest room door open and the soft padding of her feet on the hardwood floors. She looks into your bedroom, before turning around and seeing you sitting in the chair behind her.

“Looking for me?” you ask.

“Yes.” she answers.

“You wanna start the next season?” you ask.

“Jake?” she asks.

You sit up and set your guitar on the stand, “Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you?” she asks.

“Of course you can, c’mere…” you say waving her towards you.

“Can we…talk in there…” she says pointing to the bedroom.

“Oh, sure. Let me just lock up.” you say, standing and turning off the lamp, and locking the front door. You set the alarm, and turn off the hallway light, guiding her into the bedroom with a hand on her back.

You shut the door behind the two of you, as she makes her way over to her side of the bed. You quickly strip down to your boxers and pull back the blankets, before sliding into bed. You plug your phone in and set it on the nightstand, turning on your side to face her.

You notice the look on her face and feel worried, “What’s wrong babe…” you ask.

You can tell she is nervous about what she wants to talk about, and suddenly you’re feeling a little bit nervous too. 

“Jake, when I came home the other day, you were mad. You thought I was on a date with Logan…how come?” she asks.

“How come I was mad?” you ask.

She nods, and bites her lip.

“Well, to be honest…I wasn’t mad, I was more jealous.” you answer.

“But if we aren’t together anymore, why?” she asks.

“I think because I still have hope that we will be.” you say.

“Do you want that?” she asks.

“Of course I do.” you answer.

“Do you hate Logan?” she asks.

“No.” you say.

“It felt like you did during dinner tonight.” she says.

“I know, I know. I just… remember when you left the first time and went back to school?” you ask, watching her nod her head.

“I was so…lost. For a while, really. Took me a long time to get my life straightened out after that. I always thought it was the same for you. Hoped you missed me as much as I missed you. Wondered if you were thinking about me at all.” you paused. “So hearing Logan talk about all the fun you had together, and having all these inside jokes and stuff… hurt a little. Made me feel like…you had forgotten me. I know it’s stupid because here we are now, but… I just felt like you replaced me.”

“Jake, no…” she said, reaching out grabbing your hand. 

“I’m sorry I was being a dick. I will talk to him. He seems like a really cool guy.” you admit.

“He is Jake. You two are so similar. I think… I think that’s why he and I got so close. He was just like you, but different. Sometimes talking to him felt like talking to you. And I missed you so bad. You don’t even know how many times I almost called you. Or almost texted you… College wasn’t all fun and parties. I had some of the worst days of my life while I was there, and I had no one. All I wanted was you. I wished I did. Biggest regret of my life is missing out on those years with you. Anyways, I swear it was never like that between me and Logan. We were and still are, just friends.”

“I know. I’m sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to accuse you of… going on a date or whatever, I guess I just thought if anyone was going to take you on a date… it should be me. That you would want it to be me.” you say, meeting her eyes.

“I do, Jake.” she replies. 

“Me too.” you smile.

You feel her foot brush yours and a rush runs through your body. You let out a deep breath and roll over to grab the remote, turning on the TV. “Just one? That wine is hitting me pretty hard.”

“Just one.” she smiles, scooting in closer to you.

You open your arms to her, letting her make the decision, and you watch as she pauses to think, “Do you think…do you think us doing this breaks the no touching rule?” she asks.

“I think that you like to lay with me, and I like to hold you and that’s the end of it.” you answer. “I don’t think we are breaking the rules, I think we are just letting them evolve to meet us where we are.” you reply.

She settles down into your arms, and nuzzles her face into your neck. You feel a tingle rush through your body again, feeling her leg tangle with yours under the blankets. 

You close your eyes and just lay there for a second, knowing you could fall asleep right now thanks to the wine, but instead you press play on the remote and turn off the lamp.

You rub your fingertips over her bare shoulder as the episode plays, feeling her hand rest on your stomach in your very favorite place. Suddenly a thought pops into your mind, overwhelming your brain and causing you to reach for the remote and pause the show. 

“Can I ask you something?” you question.

“Yeah?” she turns her face to look at you.

“Why did you tell Josh you wanted to leave the tour?” you ask.

“Oh…” she pauses. “Well, I don’t want to, I guess. I just…I was feeling like, how could either of us grow up and move forward if we are always with each other? But then, Josh kind of reminded me I signed a contract and then explained to me how this would be the biggest growth challenge we would face together, and that if we could make it through that, we could make it through anything.”

“I can’t imagine you not being there, you know.” you say.

“I just… wanted to give you space if that’s what you needed.” she says.

“Does it seem like I want space?” you asked, holding her tightly to you.

“I guess not.” she laughs.

“Do you…want space?” you ask.

She rubs her fingertips over your collarbone, “Not really. I think we owe it to ourselves to be ‘not together’ but still, kind of, ‘together’, I guess. I like how things are now. I think we are just…in a rebuilding period. I think we will both know when we are ready.”

“Yeah. Rebuilding. I like that. But, I guess all that being said…god it feels weird to even say this…you know that I’m not going to…see other people or anything…” you say nervously.

“I don’t want to either. I want to spend every night just like this.” she says.

“You know that’s what I want too, right?” you ask.

“I do now…” she whispers. 

“I want to kiss you so bad Y/N…I have all day…” you say.

You see her eyes flick from your eyes to your lips, biting her own as she tries to battle within herself. “Fuck, just one…” she says, pressing her lips to yours. 

You grab her face with your right hand, pulling her harder into you as you feel her pillowy soft lips on yours. You bite her bottom lip as she pulls away, releasing it as she settles back on your chest. 

“Shit, Y/N…” you pant, “You're gonna kill me…I swear.”

“I’m gonna go get in bed Jake…” she says. 

“What? You’re leaving?” you ask.

“I’m afraid if I don’t…” she trails off.

“I’ll behave. Don’t leave me, love…” you plead. “We still have fifteen minutes left in this episode…”

“Okay and then I will go to my bed.” she says, nodding.

“If that’s what you want. Now come back, I want my last fifteen minutes.” you say, pulling her back down to your chest. She snakes her arm around your waist letting her fingers slide in to rest just under the waistband of your boxers. A comforting feeling you didn’t even know you missed until now.

You press play and let those minutes pass, but as her breathing starts to even out and she tangles her leg between yours, you know she’s not leaving, and you smile because you know she never really intended to.

—

As the sun peeked into the room you squinted as your eyes opened, feeling her back pressed against your arm. You rolled over towards her, wrapping your arm around her, as she stirred awake. She turned to face you, stretching beneath your arm and letting out a yawn. 

“Sleep well?” you asked.

A shy smile crossed her lips, “Yes…Did you?”

“Always do when you’re here.” you admit. You release her as she rolls over to grab her phone, just watching her as she continues to wake up. She shoots up in the bed completely stricken with panic.

“What baby?” you ask, concerned. 

“Jake…” she says, her hands shaking.

“What? What!” you urge.

“Just look…” she says, handing you her phone. You take it from her and see a message from an unknown number sent at three in the morning, with a link to an Instagram page. Fuck.

You click on the link and are brought to a profile filled with photos, but they aren’t just any photos. They are photos of Y/N. Photos of her taken by someone watching her. You scroll to the very bottom, and see that the very first one is from 2017, while she was still in school. As you continue to scroll you see the years pass, 2018, 2019, 2020… all photos taken of her without her knowing.  Out in public, going home, at your shows…Photos of her with friends, photos of her with you, with Josh, with Sam and Elle. You all thought his stalking started in Austin but you couldn’t have been more wrong. He was truly hunting her.

“Jake what the fuck is this?” she asks, nervously.

“Well, it looks like he just sent you his photo diary. Showing you every time he has been around you without you knowing. Showing you he’s here and he’s still watching. Fucking creep.” you answer.

“Jake those are recent!” she says clicking on the newer photos. Pictures of her walking into the hospital in Saginaw. A picture of her at the farmers market just a few days ago. A picture of her and Josh walking into the yoga studio. He was back and he was getting more bold.

“Y/N, you cannot leave here by yourself…not without someone with you. Preferably me.” you urge. “God what the fuck does he want! What is his end game here?” you yell.

She grabs her phone and throws it down onto the bed, running her hands over her face, still very shaken as she realizes how unsafe she’s been this whole time. 

You roll over to grab your phone to text the guys and let them know, but your own message was waiting for you. You looked at her, before looking back at it, swiping your finger across the looming notification. 

Unknown

3:10am: An eye for an eye…

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@gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner @eyelinerjake@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @violet-hayes@indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf@fulltimecynical@ageofbajabule@ageofsinners@indigostreakslut @katelynn-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @joshskittytickler21 @mp0801@starcatcherry @samsbirks @darianh07 @cassiesgreta @becinabubblegvf @hanntisocial @demonrat444 @mrbrownstne @gretabyss @bizzielisteningtogreta @samsbirks @jakes-archer @laneygvf @jaketsword @hangvf @indigostreakmorgan @sadiextricia @thunderstomp-and-tequila @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @lyndz2names @brujamagik @overtheehillsandfaraway @gretavanfan @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @slightly-russian

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If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please send in an ask!

[all-the-things-2020]

Late Night Talking - Chapter Ten

Summary: The aftermath of the movie premiere.

Word Count: 3150+

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: mentions of parent death, issues with body image

Tag list: @rhoorl @avastrasposts @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @gwendibleywrites

We slept late the next morning. It was after nine when I crawled out of bed to use the bathroom. Dieter was still passed out cold, lying face down with his face crammed into a pillow, his bare ass poking out from under the covers. I took a look at myself in the mirror and wished I hadn’t. My hair was sticking up in all directions and there were bags under my eyes. It was a far cry from my red carpet look.

I decided to take a shower and start over with my hair, rather than try to tame it the way it was. When I got out, I slipped into a pair of leggings and a t-shirt, deciding to forgo a bra, at least for the time being. It was going to be a lazy day, after all.

Dieter was still asleep. I leaned over the bed to cover him up and he grunted. “Why are you so obsessed with my butt?,” he mumbled.

”I’m not obsessed with your butt,” I told him. “I just didn’t want it to catch cold.” I tucked the comforter around him and patted his bottom. “Go back to sleep, Deet. You’ve earned it.”

”What time?”

”Doesn’t matter. Go to sleep.”

He didn’t argue with me. I knew the press junket had been stressful and tiring. He deserved to get some rest. 

I found my purse in the living room and pulled out my phone. I’d managed to remember to turn it off last night, so the battery was still at 65% when I powered it on. All my apps were lit up with notifications, but I went first to my texts. 

SAM: You look GORGEOUS!!!!

ME: Aw, thanks. It’s all thanks to the stylists. Did my hair and makeup and everything. Felt like a giant Barbie doll. LOL

It was close to midday back East, so I knew she was probably at work and wouldn’t respond right away, so I jumped over to Instagram. I followed the studio’s page and I knew they would have posted photos from last night. 

There were several pics from the red carpet, including one of me and Dieter. It was weird seeing myself all glammed up, standing beside him as he posed effortlessly for the camera. I could see that I was a bit stiff and awkward, despite the elegant dress and high heels. Still, I looked nice. Not bad for a first time, I thought. Then I started reading the comments.

She’s OLD.

Come on, girl, at least dye that gray hair. Woof.

Thought Bravo had better taste than that. 

Def a publicity stunt. Prob trying to hide that he’s gay AF.

If they think we’ll fall for that, he needs a new publicist. Lots of actresses they could have hired to help his image. Barf.

I think she looks nice. For a middle aged woman. 

There were positive comments, of course, many of them, but my eye went right to the negative ones. After all, most of the positive comments were simple heart emojis or “they look so cute” or other generic messages. The negative ones were more pointed.

I closed Instagram. Twitter would be even worse — there were so many trolls on there that I hardly ever posted anything anymore. Maybe tumblr would be kinder. I was wrong.

There were several posts under the hashtag “dieter bravo” that displayed one of the Getty photos from the night before and had commentary along the lines of “I’m glad he’s so happy” and “Aww, they made it red carpet official” but there was also lots that claimed to be insanely jealous of me for being beside him.

Oof, not to be that girl, but I could pull off a red carpet look better than that, just saying.

Not sure what he sees in her, but you do you, Dieter.

He looks AMAZING as always. Wish she’d worn something better.

She looks like she doesn’t want to be there. I’m sure it’s overwhelming and all but at least look happy to be next to him. I’d kill to be on the red carpet with him.

Ugh, I hate her, lol. Seriously, does anyone else think he’ll be back on the market soon? She is so not his type. Dieter fucking Bravo is a party boi.

I could feel tears stinging at the back of my eyes. It was silly — I knew they were making the comments out of jealousy or sheer assholery — but it was like being teased or excluded on the playground in elementary school. It still hurt.

Fortunately, my phone pinged with an incoming text.

SAM: Those stylists couldn’t have done it without something amazing to start with — YOU! I am so proud of you, chickie! You rocked that red carpet. And Dieter 🥵Don’t know how you manage to survive around him without spontaneously combusting. Dude is HOT.

ME: You don’t know how badly I needed that, chickie! Been looking at comments on social and people are brutal.

SAM: Fuck them. I’ve been bragging on you all day. Everyone thinks you look fabulous. Trolls gonna troll.

I smiled. Leave it to Sam to cheer me up. Then another text came in, this time from Simone.

SIMONE: Girl! You were on fire 🔥 last night. Your pic is all over campus. Kids are all planning to go see the movie with Miss Emily’s boyfriend this weekend. Eileen had such a sourpuss when I saw her, lol. 

ME: Thanks! Been seeing some haters online so glad the kiddos got my back. And I’m ROTFL over Eileen 🤣

SIMONE: One of my kids was IRATE over some of the stuff people were saying about you. She was going OFF! I didn’t even know she knew where the library was, lol. If a 15yo can see through their b.s., so can you.

“Hey.” Dieter came stumbling out of the bedroom with his hair sticking straight up and one hand in his boxer shorts scratching his ass. If only the fans could see him now!

”Hey yourself,” I said. “You need coffee?”

He nodded as he shuffled toward the kitchen island. “I got it,” he said. “You looking at photos from last night?”

”I was, but people are mean. Then I got a couple of texts that cheered me up.”

”People are fucking assholes online,” he said as he dumped water and coffee grounds into the machine. He slopped water onto the counter but didn’t wipe it up. He was messier than usual when he was only half awake. “First thing Carmen told me when she signed on was never read the comments.”

While the coffee was brewing, he fished his phone out of his pants, which were draped over one of the dining room chairs. He slumped onto a stool at the island and started swiping. “You looked so good last night,” he said. Then he yawned and scratched his head. “Anyone who says different has their head up their own ass or is just jealous. Or both.” 

The scent of coffee wafted through the air and a shaft of sunlight lanced through a gap in the vertical blinds. The kitchen was illuminated with golden light and Dieter’s hair became a halo of fire around his head, just for a second. Who gives a fuck what Prissy McDickface on Instragram thinks? I’m the one here with Dieter, watching him smile at pictures of us while he’s waiting for his coffee. And if Dieter could smile before his first infusion of caffeine of the day, I knew he was truly happy. Because of me.

*******************************************

The movie was a hit. It was number one at the box office that weekend, and Dieter spent most of Saturday afternoon fielding phone calls and texts from Carmen and his agent. He looked every inch a Hollywood star as he sat on a lounge chair beside the pool with his Ray-Ban sunglasses on and his phone up to his ear. 

“Yeah, set it up,” he said. “Can’t hurt to meet with them.” He looked at me over the tops of his shades and winked.

”Shit, I can’t believe all this,” he said when he’d hung up. “Carmen has ten journalists lined up to interview me. And half of them are from legit outlets, not just bloggers.” He laughed. “Who knew a twenty minute part would get so much attention?”

We had skimmed some of the reviews online and most of them had been positive. Many of them mentioned Dieter’s performance as one of the highlights of the film; several had used the phrase “Bravo’s back.”  

“And David has two meetings booked with producers this week,” Dieter continued. “I don’t want to get ahead of myself but this might be the thing to get the ball rolling again.”

“I hope so,” I said. I knew that Dieter really wanted to get back to the level he’d enjoyed earlier in his career, where he was taken seriously as an actor. He’d taken just about any part the last few years, just to keep the money flowing but while movies like Cliff Beasts might be popular with fans they weren’t taken seriously by critics. And he admitted he’d been phoning it in before he’d gone to rehab. This film was the first project he’d worked on since and apparently he’s done a very good job. 

“Just don’t get too famous and forget about the little people like me,” I added.

“I will never forget about you,” he said seriously. “And you are definitely not one of the ‘little people’ in my life. You’re huge, baby.”

“Yeah, that’s what some of the trolls online are saying,” I joked.

“Fuck them. I’ve been with skinny women and it’s like hugging a skeleton. You’re real, Em. Nothing fake about you. Which is one of the many, many reasons that I love you.”

******************************************

We had finally finished off the leftover Chinese food, so we decided to go out for dinner Saturday night. Nothing fancy, just a little hole in the wall Mexican place that Dieter was fond of, and not just because the food was good. The owners were very protective of his privacy and didn’t laugh at his clumsy attempts at Spanish. His father’s parents had been born in Ecuador, and he still had some distant cousins in South America, but Dieter and his family had only ever spoke English.

”My dad can get by pretty well,” he’d explained to me once. “He does business with one of his cousins who lives in Buenos Aires, and he sometimes visits his aunt in Santiago, but Freddy and I never learned. Hell, I took French in high school just to fuck with everyone. Freddy took German, of course.”

Although they’d come from Ecuador, Dieter’s grandparents were descended from German and Italian immigrants. “My dad’s grandpa Antonio Bravo married one of the Diefenbach girls,” Dieter had explained. “Huge Romeo and Juliet vibes there. The two families were rivals in the button business.”

My own skill in Spanish was limited to the Spanglish I’d picked up by osmosis from living in Southern California (like Dieter, I’d take French in school, because I thought it sounded fancy). But everyone at Ramon’s was friendly and very patient with our attempts to do more than just ask for what was on the menu.

”Buenos noches,” our waiter said as we sat down at our table, tucked away in the back. ”El jefe said you get free margaritas because the movie is doing so well.”

”Gracias,” said Dieter. “Um, dos platos de empanadas, por favor. Y los margaritas.”

”Muy bien! And my sister in law saw the movie last night. She said tell you she really liked it if I saw you.”

”Tell her thanks, man,” Dieter had exhausted his capacity for Spanish already. He was still running on fumes from the press junket. I could see it in his eyes.

After a delicious dinner of empanadas and enchiladas — not to mention two extremely generous margaritas — we went back to Dieter’s place and collapsed on the couch.

”If I went there too often, I’d gain thirty pounds,” Dieter said, unbuttoning his pants. 

“The food is amazing,” I agreed, glad I was wearing stretchy pants. “You want to put a movie on before we succumb to the food coma?”

”You read my mind.” He grabbed the remote off the coffee table. We were only about twenty minutes into Jurassic Park when I felt his head slump onto my shoulder. He was out. I maneuvered him into a more comfortable position so he wouldn’t wake up with a stiff neck. I never saw the end of the movie. I was tired, too.

**************************************************************

We lay in bed, both of us wide awake at two a.m. after our nap on the couch. “Whatcha thinking about?” Dieter asked, his hand idly playing with my hair.

”Not much. Just feeling cozy. How about you?”

”I’m thinking how I could get used to this,” he said. “Dinner, falling asleep on the couch, lying in bed talking about stuff … I wish you didn’t have to go back home tomorrow.” He kissed my forehead. “You know you can move in any time you want.”

”It’s tempting but it would be a hell of a commute.” 

“Quit your job. Get a new one. There are plenty of schools. You’d still be in the same union, right? Still get your pension?”

I rolled onto my back. “Deet, it’s not that easy. There aren’t all that many school library positions out there and they pay well enough that people don’t leave. Or they’re part-time at elementary schools. And other positions … yeah, I could do other stuff, but your retirement is based off of your final two years salary. If I took a pay cut, I’d get less so I’d have to work longer.”

“Jeez, you sound like my dad and Freddy. ‘Be practical, Deiter. Plan ahead, Dieter. Invest wisely, Dieter’,” he grumbled.

”I have to be,” I said. “I only have myself to rely on. You know my parents didn’t leave me anything.”

Dieter sighed. “You aren’t alone, Em. You have me.”

”For now,” I said. “I want to believe this is forever, Deet, I really do, but I just can’t jump off the cliff yet.” I sat up, hugging my knees. “I know you think I’m being too cautious, and I know it probably hurts you to hear me say stuff like ‘for now’ when you want to hear ‘forever’ but …”

He sat up and put his arm around me. “I get it,” he said quietly. “I get you. And you’re probably right. I’m too much like my mom. I need you to balance me out.”

”You don’t talk about her much,” I prompted. I knew she had passed away not long after he’d won his Oscar, but that was public knowledge.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, I’m still working through some shit in therapy,” he said. “My mom … she was an artist. Painting, sculpture, stuff like that. And that was the love of her life. Art. Creating. And once she created something, she moved on. She wasn’t interested anymore once a piece was done.”

I kissed his shoulder. “You don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to,” I said. 

“When she and Dad got divorced, she moved to New York City,” he said. “That’s why I went there for college. But about two months after I got there, she moved to Europe. So I went there after I graduated. She was in Italy, so I went to Milan. Then she moved to Madrid, then Stockholm — god, Stockholm was so freaking cold — and then I got tired of following her and came to L.A.” He laid his head on my shoulder. “I was going to visit her in Switzerland after I won the Oscar. She’d actually called me and said she was proud of me. But I had a movie to do first and … it was a car accident in the Alps. She and her latest guy were on their way to Venice and a dude in a Maserati blew a turn and crashed into them.”

”Oh, Deet, I’m so sorry,” My own parents had been ill before they passed, so I’d had some warning, at least. 

He shook his head. “Hey, we’re supposed to be celebrating this weekend, not confessing our darkest moments. So let’s talk about something happy. Like my bank account after the movie earns out and I start getting some checks. We should go somewhere. Romantic getaway.”

”I do have a week off for Thanksgiving,” I said. My aunt always invited me up to her place for Thanksgiving and I always declined and ended up at some friend or co-worker’s Thanksgiving dinner. It was not my favorite holiday.

”Hey, see, making plans for the future.” He nudged me with his shoulder.

”It’s like two months away,” I reminded him. “Not that far in the future.”

”Baby steps, Em. Baby steps.” Then he kissed me and we stopped talking for a while.

******************************************

As I was driving home on Sunday afternoon, my phone rang. I usually don't like to use the Bluetooth, because it distracts me from the road, but I recognized the number. It was Sam.

”Hey, Sam, what’s up?” She rarely called; we both preferred to text. Our grown up version of passing notes in class.

“Just checking that you’re still alive after spending three whole days with Dieter,” she said. Her tone was joking, so I knew nothing serious had prompted the call. “Really, I just wanted to hear your voice. I saw the movie and it just doesn’t seem real that you and Dieter are … I mean, it sounds stupid, but I had to make sure you were still you.”

”I get it,” I said. “Hey, I’m on the freeway right now. Can I call you back when I get home? We can have a good talk. I’ll tell you all about the dress and the red carpet and … maybe you can give me some advice?”

”You better not be thinking of breaking up with him, Em. He’s the best thing that’s happened to you in a long time.”

”No, no, kind of the opposite. Shit, use your signal, you asshole! Sorry, some dude in a Tesla just cut me off. I’ve got to hang up. Talk to you when I get home, chickie.”

”Stay safe, chickie.”

I ended the call and tried to concentrate on the traffic. It was an incredibly long and tedious drive to make every day. There was no way I could keep my job and be with Dieter more than just on the weekends. And I would be foolish to quit for a guy I’d only known for a few months. Right? 

I shoved the thought to the back of my mind. Sam would help me figure it all out. She always did. 

[angels-heap]

question on the air purifiers! when they give the square footage do they only mean it in like one open space or throughout multiple rooms? my whole house is maybe 900ft². could I get say one airmega 250 and just put it in the central hall (living room/kitchen is on one end and the bedrooms and bathroom are at the other end) or would I need to get like a unit for each room?

With the disclaimer that I am not an expert in air purification and have not had the time or energy to research this as much as I'd like, the short answer to your question is that you'd probably want multiple air purifiers (or a much bigger/better one) for your space. The long answer is that there are several factors you'd need to take into account when choosing a purifier, including:

Air Changes per Hour (ACH): When air purifier companies list a unit's square foot coverage, almost all of them (including Coway) list the coverage for one air change per hour at the highest fan speed. Especially if your goal is to reduce the concentration of airborne viruses in your space, you want 4-6 ACH at minimum. The Coway Airmega 250 can offer 1 ACH at 1,860 sq. ft., 2 at 930, and 4 at 465. This means it does an amazing job of filtering the air in my 120 square foot office, but you'd probably want at least two of them in your 900 square foot living space. (Note: Your HVAC system will also contribute to the overall ACH in a space, though you may not have access to all the data needed to calculate how much air it's moving or how good the filter is.)

Clean Air Delivery Rate (CADR): CADR/CFM math makes my brain hurt, but essentially, CADR is basically a reflection of the air flow (CFM) times the efficiency of the air filter. It's a measure that makes it easier to compare air purifiers without being misled by marketing (see above). Generally, you want a filter with a CADR that equals at least two-thirds of a room's area, and a smoke CADR (if provided) is the best proxy for a filter's ability to clear virus particles from the air. The Airmega 250's smoke CADR is 249, meaning it'll be most effective in a room no larger than 370-ish square feet.

Noise: CADR and ACH tend to be measured based on the device's highest fan speed. In my personal experience, most decent air purifiers with multiple speed settings are near-silent at level one, audible but tolerable at level 2, and sound like jet engines at level 3+. Coway is not exempt from this judgment, though I've found their purifiers to be quieter than most for their size. Unless you are profoundly unbothered by white noise, you'll likely want to run the purifier below its max fan speed, which means you can expect slightly lower CADR and ACH than advertised.

Unit Position (and walls): Air purifiers are most effective if you place them near the middle of an open space, as opposed to in a corner or near a wall. If your house is essentially an open-concept square, one purifier in a central area (maybe something a little heftier than an Airmega 250) might be sufficient to rid the air of most allergens and provide some protection from airborne viruses. However, if you have a lot of walls and doors and/or want better protection, you're better off getting a couple of purifiers and spreading them out.

I hope this info is helpful! It's a bummer that adequate air filtration is so expensive, but at the end of the day, even one decent-sized purifier in one section of your house will make some measurable difference in your health and well-being. And if your primary concern is COVID, not environmental allergies or air pollution, remember that opening windows is free!

Further reading: https://tools.niehs.nih.gov/wetp/public/hasl_get_blob.cfm?ID=13021

[jakethesequel]

I did finally get around to watching the barbie movie since my family was also watching it. I think it was probably the best movie that they could have made (which I mean to be read at least as derogatory as it is complimentary). It's well-made, and produced to a very high quality with the set and costume design etc. It's nice that it is at least in conversation with feminist criticisms laid at the Barbie brand for years and attempts to address some of them. And it does answer some, suggesting more diversity in their dolls, that it should represent less of an unreachable ideal for womanhood, that being a perfectly feminine Barbie Girlboss is just as restrictive a role as the domestic motherhood of earlier dolls, etc. That's a good message! It's a fine feminism 101 for a movie whose primary market is children, and the B-plot about Ken not needing to be a paragon of toxic masculinity or have a romantic relationship to be worthwhile is a decent one for young boys too.

But along the way to that message is where the movie kind of gets awkward, in its side plots and digressions. By far the worst of it is the inclusion of a Barbie Mount Rushmore and an incredibly tasteless metaphor to the smallpox plague that devastated Indigenous people in the Americas. Both go entirely unremarked on, which is indefensible. That aside, there are quite a few lesser issues that maybe don't ruin the movie but certainly become head-scratcher and leave the movie feeling incomplete.

For example, the Mattel boardroom. They're portrayed as buffoonish, but never malicious, because Mattel will sign off on a movie that laughs at them but not one that will seriously criticize them. Whatever, that part's probably unavoidable when Mattel is signing the cheques. The problem is that they're not just buffoonish, they're buffoonishly misogynistic. It's an all-male boardroom, for one, and the characters repeatedly make incredibly misogynistic statements. As far as I remember, this is never resolved! It's lightly criticized and then moved past without any real change, which really neuters the movie's criticism of patriarchy when all the feminist characters make no effort to change that. While it works with Ken for him to be misogynist due mostly to ignorance rather than hostility and be forgiven, that's because he's mostly there as a metaphor for young boys who haven't learned better. It's really toothless to treat a boardroom full of adult men actively enjoying patriarchal authority the same way and the movie probably would have been better with that whole plotline replaced with the FBI or something.

Also, Trans Barbie. I think it's incredibly great to see Hari Nef on screen, unquestioned to be just as feminine as the other Barbies. But while I love the representation, it becomes apparent that this is not a Trans Barbie, but a trans actress playing a cis Barbie. Barbieland in general has an extremely strict and seemingly unchanging gender divide, Kens and Barbies. There's no indication that going from one to the other, changing your plastic body, is possible. So the movie really fails to send a positive message to trans kids, who aren't gonna know the minutia behind each Barbie's actress. Alan is sort of a queer analogue, being not a Ken or a Barbie and having an implied romantic interest in Ken, but it's only ever implied, almost as a joke like Sugar Daddy Ken and Magic Earring Ken (notably they never mention why those Kens were discontinued). In general the movie takes a wide berth around any queer issues that can't be couched in a joke, and I can only imagine that's Mattel's influence again. Like the previous Mattel point, this really serves to diminish the movie's message. You can only go so far to criticize patriarchy if you refuse to include a queer angle. Especially given the focus on the relationship between Barbie and Ken, it becomes awkward when the only options given mention are "cishet romance" and "no romance." It feels stilted that every Ken wants a completely disinterested Barbie as an inherent rule. The glaring omission of talking about queer issues (outside of jokes) in the movie seems purposeful and targeted on Mattel's part.

[foreignobjecticus]

My Year in Review

My actual personal year in review that isn’t autogenerated from a bunch of marketable statistics lol. I’m writing this down and putting it here in a semi-public place because I kind of do want to share it, but I also don’t entirely want to be shouting from the rooftops everything I’ve written. I just feel like I want to put it under a cut and if it’s read, so be it. Don’t feel obligated to read or respond. I usually write things out and find enough catharsis in not posting them, but for a treat, I’ll post it for myself to remember this time.

 I’ve been incredibly hard on myself this year, mainly because I’ve been unable to write properly or “produce” anything at all despite having had the time. I guess it’s all a knock-on effect of having been stuck where I was for so long, with a giant, governmentally inforced TBA on every single aspect of my life for most of that time. I’m slowlyyyyyyy getting better, but I’m so conscious of how “badly“ I’ve been “performing“ when I used to be so “good“ in the past. Beating myself up about it clearly isn’t working, and nor is saying “I’m getting there“. But I will. Anyway, here’s a super quick summary of life this year (the first lockdown-free year), including some of the shite and bitterness, so I can remember that I’ve done a lot, even if it quite honestly feels like I’ve done not one bloody thing.

 January

Started a new job in a career I’d been trying to get into for 10 years. Finally making more than minimum wage for the first time in my life. Battled incredible imposter syndrome the entire time which made an originally part-time job feel exhausting.

February

Finally moved out of Victoria and got caught in inevitable but unavoidable major flooding while trying to find a new home.    

A lot of issues with crooked real estate agents, cleaners, removalists. Lost a lot of money, as is usual, despite having written evidence of everything and being “in the right“. Never been more stressed in my damned life. Engaged lawyers, nearly took people to court until they relented. Still have debts to settle but they’re not worth my health nor time, so I hope cosmic retribution smites them instead.

March

Officially left 10 year relationship and moved back home up north to live with parents, which was another trial in itself.

Condensed all my possessions down, left furniture with old partner. Now it fills their owned (not rented) apartment and sits next to their new MG, which I am still bitter about, sitting in my scratched up, insurance-voided car I lent them. Where was all this financial help from their parents when we were together? Oh, hidden from me while I supported them. Gotcha. Thanks. I suppose that’s what you get for keeping someone alive.

April

Caught up with a lot of life admin, cleaned things up, did my aviation medicals, started basics of learning to ride.

Painted my bedroom with mum (finally painted over all the teenage poetry I’d written on the walls). Built a bookcase shelf and other things with dad and grandfather who I’d kind of been distant with for quite a few years (grandfather, not dad). A little touched to see he had my very first photographs on the wall at his front door (a picture I took when I was 3 years old with dad, on old fashioned film, developed with him and came second in a photography competition).

Tried thc while painting. A stepladder has never, ever felt more dangerous. Didn’t do it again; it was really just for the sake of trying it. Not my thing, not surprised.

May

Flew a vintage bomber plane. Did my first ever real life loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, and Cuban-8s. It was like living a video game. I have never felt such an adrenaline rush. I wasn’t 100% sure I could handle doing aerobatics even though I knew I wanted to do them. Now I’m positive I want to do them. I didn’t control the plane through the manoeuvers but I had my hand on the stick to feel what the PIC was doing.

Investigated some health issues that were attributed to “women’s issues“. Practically verbatim there. How utterly useful.

June

Spent the past three months flying and riding pillion constantly. Got my pilot’s certificate on the day I flew out (on a commercial plane) down to Brisbane and onwards to the UK. Did 40 landings by myself alone in that plane that day, starting at 6am on dawn flights right up until I had to go check in for my flight to Brisbane. Even spoke on the radio to the pilots who flew me down later that evening. Flew over my house that’s nearly dead on the centre line of the runway and wiggled the wings at my     mum who waved back, then flew out over the wharfs and waved to dad. Even flew over my old schools where I used to run around and pretend I was an aeroplane when I was tiny. 25+ years of my personal and family history growing up and developing underneath me where I circled the city watching the Qantas planes landing from above instead of below after all these years. Christ, if I ain’t ever felt more proud of myself than I did     up there all alone in that plane. That wasn’t even my “first“ solo but it     felt so much more special to be flying over my home town (and the commercial pilots watching and congratulating me on the radio upon landing was another thing in itself). You can’t top that. You can’t even come close. How many people have done that? Fuck. Genuinely the proudest day of my life.

July

Went on a trip around the UK, cosplayed at Forever Avon, met lots of new and lovely people including people I’d only ever met online before that point.

Had the month off, which was nice, but no income which made it hard. It simultaneously felt unreal and completely expected to finally be truly out and about after two years of home lockdown back in Melbourne. The few months living at my parents’ home felt like it didn’t really count as true freedom because I was still working, I suppose.

August

Finally signed the lease on somewhere in the UK, met some (now) good friends. Had a lot of trouble and had to borrow money to pay 6 months in advance on the rental because my old real estate agents were crooks and my HR didn’t respond to emails for two weeks.

Felt a little bit stressed out when the money got down to about £10 and I was eeking out a pint of milk to last 3 days in a bucket of melted ice in the sink in 45C weather. Then the month’s pay came in and all was right with the world again.

September

Started flying in the UK, and gliding. Realised I have to start from scratch despite having just completed a certification and having exactly enough hours already to qualify for a license here. Struggled to do lessons because of bad weather. Now I’m very out of practice anyway.

Went to London a few times, saw a play, figured out I’m lactose intolerant. Was a good, if busy, month of travelling and making connections.

October

Idk. Had a bit of an over-it month and kept getting viciously angry with myself. Was so upset, I cancelled going to London to see a play I’d missed the month before because I was sick (Stephen Greif’s, who I paid to see twice and now will never). I take bailing out on things incredibly seriously and very rarely do it, so I felt utterly wretched about it. This is one reason why: an opportunity missed is just a regret, and I don’t like having those.

Analysed everything I’d been going through and actually started thinking about how I handled the past few years. Tried to take it a bit easier. Very tired. Still processing and trying to “fix” myself. No focus, no concentration, whole days went by and it felt like I did nothing of value. Belatedly realised I’ve been trying to push through things for a lot longer than a full year and I haven’t had a proper and true rest. Part of me wonders if such a thing even truly exists.

November

Played harp and sang on some backing tracks for a friend’s album that’s still a WIP.

Lost my job abruptly (not from performance but due to being a contractor). That was a great thing to tell my mother on her 60th     birthday: “happy birthday! I’m jobless and poor on the other side of the world”. Hurt infinitely more to cancel my flying lessons than it did to lose my job. Knew it would take two months to find a new job as everything stops over Christmas. I was right.

Started getting severe tooth pain and found the earliest possible appointment for January (pain is okay now; bruxism. Must have hurt myself, still twinges). 

December

Lots of job interviews, suddenly got taken on to do a rebranding of my old company, the final final edit of my PhD student’s final thesis, and design my friend’s new website for his album release/art collection. Still no job. Those other things don’t pay anywhere near what a real job would.

On the final stages of one job interview with a job that includes having clients… which I’m incredibly apprehensive about because having clients in jobs in the past made me so stressed out, I’m so reluctant to ever do it again. I have another job that I might get to the later stages of that pays at least £18k (seriously) more than the client one, but I’m not at the next stages with it yet, so I’m really worried about being offered one job and holding out for the next and then losing out on both. It’s useless to feel stressed, but I am. That’s just how it is.

Been very tired and wondered if I’m sick. I seem to dream too much to ever get a good night’s sleep anymore. I can now control quite a bit of the dreams but not usually enough to stop having them all together.

Had Christmas dinner with some of my new friends, as well as popped in on someone else and met their son. My landlord baked me cakes and I sanded, revarnished, painted and hanged the farm sign out the front as his Christmas present since he can’t do chocolates or wine, which is always my go-to present. He’s quite poorly atm from various things, so     I hope he comes right. I don’t really celebrate Christmas but it felt     lovely to have been thought of by so many people here, so have been sent cards from near and far. I’m certainly not lonely alone here on the farm; it’s actually been utterly perfect. For the first time in my life, I feel     like I have the perfect personal life balance in terms of living space,     area, number of friends, and social obligations. It’s perfect.

After Christmas, I stopped pushing myself and now I’ve spent a few days playing Skyrim in an attempt to do something for an extended period, to let myself focus for a long time and get back into the swing of one single thing without getting distracted. And it’s WORKING! Hell, I’ve taken a while to write this post, but I’ve not gotten distracted at all. I get so angry at myself because, even up until about ohh maybe November 2020, I’d never had a problem in my whole life with focus, and then it started getting bad. It’s a primary reason I’ve not written a bloody thing all year (and I know what I have in WIP and I do still feel guilty as all hell and it’s getting there! or I’m getting there!, but still). I’ve even found it difficult to read anything, whether it be a fic or a book or a news article. Small tasks have become something I put off for months instead of doing immediately. I bang on about it myself and it’s all well and good to say “one step at a time“, but it really is one step at a time, and now I have room to grow my old habits again, to pick up the way I used to live before I couldn’t live it anymore. So I’ll still be staying offline-ish for a bit, until I feel like I’m ready to reintroduce more of XYZ into my life. Take it easy, take it slow. Pushing clearly doesn’t work.

 So that’s my year in review. I’m healing, I’m processing, I’m letting go, I’m moving on, I’m picking up what I’ve never really put down because I’ve carried it with me the whole time. Thanks for hanging around, if you’ve read this far, and take it easy yourself. Life’s about having fun in the end, not a list of good and bad shit that you can hold up against other people’s years in review. Everyone lives differently. Hell, everyone’s lived wildly different lives just during the past three years, and no one really understands what others have been through even in that time. So Happy New Year. May 2023 bring only good things and you find contentment in yourself.

[literaticat]

Have you ever had a client fight a publisher to keep the title of their book as they queried it? If so, did they end up getting to keep it? Thanks Jenn!

Sure, and yes. But I would not frame this interaction as a "fight" and I would encourage you to also reframe how you think about it.

You and the publisher are not adversaries here. You are on the same team. They happen to have members of the team who are marketing experts, or who are boots-on-the-ground sales people who talk daily with booksellers and big accounts. So if they suggest that your title could be stronger, I would STRONGLY encourage you to *listen to that feedback* and consider it, rather than dismissing it out of hand. Discuss it with your agent. INCLUDE YOUR AGENT IN THESE CONVERSATIONS, because they will also have insight, and if you are feeling *at all* heated in *any way*, they should be the ones talking, not you. This should be a chill conversation that makes everyone feel like they are being heard and makes nobody feel angry or like they are being railroaded.

First: You and your agent figure out *why* this change is being requested. Is it because there is another book with a too-similar title? Is it because the title is confusing or difficult to say or remember? Is it because the buyer at B&N said that they would buy zero copies with that title but if you changed it, they'd order it? Is it because a different title might better convey the tone or themes, or be more appealing to the audience for some reason? What's the problem. If you know what they are thinking and why they asked, you'll be in a MUCH better position to either figure out something you ALL can live with, or make the case for your original title.

Then: Go ahead and brainstorm with your agent and editor. This should be a good-faith effort on everyone's part. Come up with a list, and be prepared to go back and forth several times as they also come up with ideas. Think about words you think are important, quotes or themes from the book, sayings that your main character resonates with, whatever. Some of these ideas will be AWFUL! But some might even be better than what you had before. . . really.

THEN: You all will narrow it down to a list (that includes the original title, if you are still married to it at that point! though you might at this point agree that it COULD BE BETTER!) -- all of these will be titles you think you can probably live with. They will talk to their team again and get feedback. They will present their favorites to you and make the case for them.

IF at that point you and your agent REALLY BELIEVE STRONGLY that your original title is still 100x better than whatever else, your agent will make that case. And at that point, the publisher will likely be swayed to see it your way.

But if they are swayed to see it your way, it's not because you "fought them" -- it's because you good-faith worked with them, you were open to having the conversation, truly nothing better was found, and they realize that.

[asmallpsued]

#15181002 - Til You Drop

Archivist:

Statement of Philip Straus, concerning an outbreak of… dancing. Statement restored from an unsent letter sent to one Eustace Straus. Statement begins.

Archivist (statement):

My dear mother,

I hope the newborn is well, as yourself. I have found myself a lovely wife with whom I wish to spend my years. I know you’ve been holding out hope for some time, so I am beginning with this, the good news.

Something else has happened, however, which is not as positive. I think. It’s unclear, you see… the men and women of my town have begun to… dance. That’s it, truly, but something about the way they move it’s… inhuman. Most, myself included, believe it to be demonic possession. Allow me to describe it further.

I saw just today a man outside, on his way to market with a bag of something, when suddenly he dropped the bag and began jerking his leg wherever it could go. I remember the look on his face as he stared wide-eyed at his left leg, one of totality and fear. I remember he screamed feverishly as his right hand flicked and his pelvis jutted forward suddenly. He should have fallen straight to the dirty ground, but his right leg kicked out behind him and forced him to balance. The man began to cry from the pain of his body being taken by demonic forces as he moved, jerkishly as ever, away from the market. He ‘danced’ to a tune I could not hear, and the more I watched him turn and kick and flap around it seemed much more melodic, planned in a sense of orderly chaos. 

I tapped my foot as I leaned out the window to get a better look. The sudden sound of drumbeats filled my mind and I almost choked on fresh air when, moments later, the horrifying sound of music crowded into my ears. My face dropped as my hand began to convulse with the rhythm, flooding through me and suddenly everything was in motion and I opened my mouth to scream but I couldn’t. Truly, to describe the sensation would be to describe the Devil himself. So I won’t.

As I moved jerkishly towards the door, my hip hit against the edge of the very desk I use now to write to you most painfully, and I believe this is what caused the dance of the devil, as I’m calling it, to cease. I gripped my hip as the shock struck like lightning, steadying myself on the wall, and caught my breath. Knowing that I had just survived demonic possession, I began to check my conscious state with questions such as who am i and what do i enjoy and who would i write to about an experience such as this one, the latter you know the answer to, mother. My hip was now merely throbbing, so while the memory was fresh in my mind I sat down to write this to you.

I will also add that, while writing this letter, a woman had danced by outside. She was completely silent in the movement, so the only indication of her presence outside my window was the saw she blocked out the sun on the horizon. Her hands whipped upward and she cricked her neck towards me in a painful looking fashion, and she stared straight at me. She was crying, her face scrunched up in pain as she opened her mouth to cry, but as expected, no noise came out. Only moments later, her hands had… changed. They were longer somehow, with too many joints on each finger. They curled around her head in a menacingly smooth motion, and I now realized that all other movement had also ceased.

Her hands then, in one swift movement, broke her neck. I don’t like lingering on the memory, so apologies for the lack of detail, but as I looked away in horror I swear I saw her dead body convulse in a way that, horrifically, resembled a waltz.

Now-

Archivist

Statement… statement ends. Quite abruptly as… the rest of the letter is covered in jagged squiggles.

@the-magnus-institute if u would like to add this to the blog that would be cool, but i also submitted it through the blog if that is more convenient! ^^

[gildinbainas]

Checkmate... || con't from xoxo

:｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆ || @shacchou

𝑯𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑲𝒂𝒊𝒃𝒂 𝒔𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒂𝒓𝒅. It was a few weeks back during one of their now routine lunch dates within Kaiba's office. Atem had taken to visiting Kaiba at least twice a week --- uni and work schedule pending. All the same, it had since then morphed into something a bit more than lunch. What began as Atem's way of showing Kaiba that there was more to friendships and rivalries than just playing a game, had morphed into other things besides eating in relative silence.

Sometimes lunch would include Kaiba watching Atem take forever to accomplish a simple task in Power Point for a presentation. Kaiba would tap into the pharaoh's one drive, look over the presentation with disdain, then offer his own suggestions as to how his presentation could be miles better. Atem's presentations would go from two star garbage to five star rather quickly and while he would always grumble about it, his grades reflected perfect scores that almost always elicited a smug smirk from his rival upon hearing the news.

When work wasn't involved, the two would spend the remainder of their time checking out new duel monster cards. While both men had 'retired', that hardly meant there wasn't any interest in what was currently on the market. Atem was always gushing over new mage cards ( much to the dismay of a certain spirit that oft lingered in his apartment ) while Kaiba rarely reacted much at all except to point out the limitations of any card that might have been of interest.

Of course, Atem knew better. Even if Kaiba wasn't saying anything positive out loud, some part of him was probably going over scenarios in his head, mulling over a new perfect fit should he ever decide to shuffle his deck entirely again. Atem never pushed the matter, but he was also sane enough to know that dueling Kaiba would mean having a whole new strategy altogether. They knew each other quite well. Modifying old tricks would be the only way to defeat him --- ah… but perhaps in time. Right now, Atem's interest in actually dueling was slim at best. He rather liked the idea of shelving duel monsters in favor of trying something new and speaking of new…

"Kaiba, I have no idea how to play chess."

And he could remember just how embarrassed he felt when Kaiba's brow arched curiously. Even though the CEO didn't berate him or say something sarcastic, which had been somewhat expected, Atem still felt as though he should have known how to play given his title. Nevertheless, Kaiba whipped out his phone and began scrolling through it. After a few curious expressions, Atem could see him penciling something in with his fancy pen thingy ( he always forgot the name ) then giving him a look in return.

"I'm cancelling my afternoon sessions on the 7th. When you come for lunch, prepare to stay for the entirety of the afternoon."

Atem had thought to argue the point with his lips poked out in a slight pout. Would it kill him to simply ASK for once if Atem wanted to stay all afternoon? Or if he even had the remainder of that day free? Granted he was used to Kaiba simply penciling in dates within his 'not so busy' schedule, but still.

He remembered nodding his head despite feeling a bit miffed. Looking back on it now though had Atem wondering if his irritation was mostly rooted in his inability to play the game at all; if his pride was shook at the idea of failing miserably at something before his rival. Because that's exactly what was going to happen. With only a few games observed in full, none of which lasted the hours some people boasted to have played, he could not get a good handle on the strategies used or why it was in poor taste to keep playing the game sometimes as opposed to surrendering.

And the idea of surrendering anything did NOT sit well with the 'King of Games'.

And so now here they were locked within Kaiba's office except his mood was less than pleasant. Or rather, he hadn't said or done anything to allude that his anger was aimed at Atem. After all, it wasn't as if he hadn't been expecting him. Still, Atem's all knowing gaze watched Kaiba's every move noting the many nuances shared between him and his late husband. They were quite different over all, but there were just some things --- a few things --- that were exactly the same.

And he hadn't meant to say anything to rouse his anger. God only knows how much he didn't want to have a row with him over something that was probably trivial. But he'd been unable to stand the tension and Kaiba simply ignoring him wasn't helping matters either. At the very least, speaking out had confirmed his suspicions. Kaiba was aggravated by something, but the way in which he shut down the topic left Atem with no room to push. No matter how close they were as friends, it was not enough for Kaiba to vent about his day. It didn't bother Atem too much, but he also knew the 'Yugi' in him wanted him to realize that it was okay to vent from time to time. Oh well…

Atem's deep musings were cast aside when Kaiba spoke up again. That's when Atem realized he hadn't been paying much attention to WHAT Kaiba was doing as opposed to how he was behaving. The chess board had been set up properly upon a smaller table on the far left of the room with two smaller, but no less comfortable looking chairs placed opposite one another. Atem eyed the scene warily, but eventually set his carry on bag aside by the door. Crossing the room, he seated himself before Kaiba and was reminded of the last time he was seated across from another for a game. The trigger led to a momentary flashback to Memory World before breathing settled and he reminded himself this was merely chess. No shadows. No Bakura. Just himself and Kaiba. Nothing to have anxiety over here.

Atem met Kaiba's gaze briefly before he allowed his eyes to focus on the set up. There was a mixture of apprehension and excitement rolling around within, but that had always been the case when standing before Kaiba. Needless to say, very little had changed.

"Right. I think I am ready." And he half wondered if he should have grabbed his notebook to take notes, but experience had always been his best teacher and so with hands in lap, he watched the board waiting patiently for Kaiba to explain and be his guide.

[yournightowl]

A Formal Announcement

We’ll be taking a break from our usual format today because i have something very serious to talk about.

I need to apologize. So let’s start from the beginning.

A few weeks ago, i entered into a business transaction with the e-merchant known as leetle. i paid them a fair market price, and in return they sent me a download link for a package of subroutines intended to protect me and my data as i traversed the oldnet.

Now, my initial experience with this product was positive. Almost all of the features worked as advertised, with little to no difficulties in set-up. However, there was an incident, which many of you might remember, wherein the package failed to properly encrypt my data, and information that should’ve been kept confidential was visible to all.

This made me upset, there’s no denying it. i had very strong negative feelings about this experience, and so i went and spoke in haste, and anger, and said some very not nice things about leetle.

i did attempt to contact leetle at that time, but due to what i now know were unavoidable personal circumstances, they were not available at any of the contact info i had for them. And in the absence of any explanation from them, i assumed the worst; that they were a scam artist, and a fake, and a charlatan, and someone who had taken advantage of me. And i said as much, here on this blog.

And that’s one of my biggest regrets. Because leetle and i had a very, almost immediate, strong connection at the start. And i almost ruined that because i was impatient.

Fast-forward to last week. One of you, my loyal readers, directed me to a page where leetle was actively promoting their services. And initially, there was some (understandable) confusion on my part, because i knew them under various aliases including little_net_merchant2, but they were operating under the name leetlenetmerchant (no spaces or numbers). So it was hard for me to process what i was seeing, and i again acted rashly, and made an inappropriate threat towards them.

But leetle was kind enough to receive me with grace, and open up a dialogue. During that conversation, they candidly and freely apologized for any issues that i might’ve run into, and they took the time to explain how my misunderstanding might’ve led to the negative user experience i had.

What leetle explained to me was that the encryption package they sold me, while robust and powerful, could be interfered with if prior installations of subroutines weren’t properly vetted. With leetles help, i was able to reset my setup so that all of their highly-tuned subroutines would be able to work together flawlessly. Now my machine is running on 100% leetle approved software, and performing better than ever. They even offered me a discount on this service.

i want to use this space to publicly thank leetle, and clear their good name. I’m really glad to be able to call them a friend, and i’m so grateful that they were willing to forgive me for my errors.

As we all turn over a new leaf and begin this new chapter in our relationship, i’d like to express my completely renewed faith in leetle and their products with a show of good will.

i’ll now take full advantage of their sophisticated encryption code to 100% safeguard the deeply personal secret that i’m about to divulge. i wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this in any other way, with any other software engineer.

But sometimes, a leap of faith is the only way forward.

[.executePackage with key = true]

i still sleep with a stuffed animal. i don’t hug it for security or anything like that, but i sleep better when it's in bed with me, so what’s the harm?

[.terminatePackage()]

Thank you all, and thank you leetle for your grace, patience, and kindness.

Your nightowl

[iptvpt11]

How to Find the Best IPTV Service in Portugal?

Finding the best IPTV service provider can be difficult, mainly due to the abundance of scams on the market. The price list is often the first thing people look at, precisely what fraudsters rely on. To know how to choose the best IPTV provider, there are a few steps and considerations before focusing on price. It may take a few days to sift through many vendors, but if done correctly, you will choose one as your first and last choice. So let's do this once, but correctly. IPTV Portugal service

If you believe you belong to the second category, try getting more involved in the satellite and IPTV communities. Read some articles. You may visit WeDoStream occasionally; I often provide important resources here to help you learn more, especially about protecting your privacy in the IPTV domain. If you don't have time to compare suppliers, read this article. I guarantee this will transform your perspective on IPTV providers, allowing you to narrow down your options and quickly choose the best one.

Ways to Find the Best IPTV Service Provider

IPTV providers now have profiles on major social media networks. Some people look for a service on TikTok, while others look for Facebook. Some others run their secret groups on platforms like Telegram and only accept clients through referrals. The Satellite and IPTV forums offer an area where IPTV providers can complete a few steps to become a "Verified Reseller/Provider" on that forum, meaning that the site administrator(s) have certified its validity as a real provider. The most common technique is to use search engines like Google. IPTV providers optimize their websites to rank better in search engines and provide a positive image to visitors. You can choose any of the methods listed above.

The importance of preserving records between supplier and brand names. IPTVPortugal

I would like to explain two things here.

First, the name of the provider doesn't matter at all. It should be considered a basic name to distinguish this provider from others. If one service is called "IPTV PT" and another is called "IPTV PORTUGAL", this does not mean that the first one provides superior feeds! You're laughing now, but I've seen similar situations where people think this way. Our hypothetical IPTV providers (IPTV Portugal) can be excellent or terrible; we want to focus on what we shouldn't use as a quality metric.

Find the best IPTV service provider in Portugal.

The second thing is that when choosing a provider, remember their name and preserve their contact details IPTV Service in Portugal. Bookmark their website URL in your browser. Include the email address among trusted contacts. Save the channel/ad group. There are similar brands. It could be an accident or fraudsters taking advantage of a well-known and reputable brand. For example, suppose a provider's brand is " IPTV PORTUGAL ", and the owner has registered the domain. Best IPTV Portugal

This is just an example; Until the writing of this article, this domain was not even registered. There are so many scam initiatives that it would be like creating more names similar to those listed above, such as and . Broadcast and so on. A simple SEO (Search Engine Optimization) will elevate this website to the first pages, causing some customers to fall into this trap. Customers visiting receipt. Stream, confusing it with , you may not get the product or get help when you need it. Be smart!

Your reputation on the Internet and life cycle of the IPTV Service in Portugal

You can spend a few minutes researching the supplier to see if they are trustworthy or if they have any negative feedback. Some IPTV blacklist organizations are continually exposing fraudsters and fraudsters. Find the best IPTV Portugal provider. You can discover them on many social media websites and forums. Best IPTV PT

You should also check the age of this supplier. How long ago did they start? Consider reviewing your activity logs from September and October 2018, when the IPV market was disrupted by the suspension of Xtream codes , which most providers used. During this period, few suppliers remained with their customers; some abandoned the market and re-emerged with a new brand, while others stopped responding to messages and returned after things returned to normal. Check the website for a news page, blog, and knowledge base area. These materials should include a publication date, which will help you determine how long this vendor has been operating.

Find the best IPTV Service provider in Portugal in the primary market.

It is crucial to understand the country of the supplier's primary market. To better understand a supplier's clientele, it's important to know which countries they primarily serve. If the majority of visitors come from a single country, this should indicate that the supplier has something worth offering to these individuals. To demonstrate, visit a traffic analysis site such as https://iptvpt.shop/.

These sites monitor the traffic statistics of almost every website in the world. Enter the domain of the provider you are investigating. Scroll down until you reach the Top Countries area. Countries are ranked from high to low depending on the traffic to that site. If your country is at the top, this may indicate that this supplier's main market is your country's package. This is just a method of getting things done. Another approach is to ask a direct question to receive an honest answer.

How to measure the provider's response time?

While you're in the free trial and know important events are live, email them or start a support request. Ask questions about the service. See when they respond to you. Don't say "Hi" and expect a quick response. Send a brief message answering your questions about the service and the issues discussed in this article. Evaluate customer support response time. IPTV SUBSCRIPTION IN PORTUGAL

Slow response time can indicate a number of factors, including service issues, too many support requests, business success, or lack of concern for users (for example, tickets answered once every 48 hours). Some providers return messages every two or three days!

Flexible payment methods IPTV service in Portugal

Essentially, the more payment methods available for you to pay the price, the better.

You may be wondering, "What about the price?" Of course, how about that?! It would help if you looked for this in someone willing to pay hard-earned money. Assume the supplier is performing all of the above tasks at peak performance. How much would a one month package cost? It is worth it? Be realistic. Providers incur server rental and retransmission fees and risks associated with setting up and maintaining the service.

[iptvpt10]

How to Find the Best IPTV Service in Portugal?

Finding the best IPTV service provider can be difficult, mainly due to the abundance of scams on the market. The price list is often the first thing people look at, precisely what fraudsters rely on. To know how to choose the best IPTV provider, there are a few steps and considerations before focusing on price. It may take a few days to sift through many vendors, but if done correctly, you will choose one as your first and last choice. So let's do this once, but correctly. IPTV Portugal service

If you believe you belong to the second category, try getting more involved in the satellite and IPTV communities. Read some articles. You may visit WeDoStream occasionally; I often provide important resources here to help you learn more, especially about protecting your privacy in the IPTV domain. If you don't have time to compare suppliers, read this article. I guarantee this will transform your perspective on IPTV providers, allowing you to narrow down your options and quickly choose the best one.

Ways to Find the Best IPTV Service Provider

IPTV providers now have profiles on major social media networks. Some people look for a service on TikTok, while others look for Facebook. Some others run their secret groups on platforms like Telegram and only accept clients through referrals. The Satellite and IPTV forums offer an area where IPTV providers can complete a few steps to become a "Verified Reseller/Provider" on that forum, meaning that the site administrator(s) have certified its validity as a real provider. The most common technique is to use search engines like Google. IPTV providers optimize their websites to rank better in search engines and provide a positive image to visitors. You can choose any of the methods listed above.

The importance of preserving records between supplier and brand names. IPTVPortugal

I would like to explain two things here.

First, the name of the provider doesn't matter at all. It should be considered a basic name to distinguish this provider from others. If one service is called "IPTV PT" and another is called "IPTV PORTUGAL", this does not mean that the first one provides superior feeds! You're laughing now, but I've seen similar situations where people think this way. Our hypothetical IPTV providers (IPTV Portugal) can be excellent or terrible; we want to focus on what we shouldn't use as a quality metric.

Find the best IPTV service provider in Portugal.

The second thing is that when choosing a provider, remember their name and preserve their contact details IPTV Service in Portugal. Bookmark their website URL in your browser. Include the email address among trusted contacts. Save the channel/ad group. There are similar brands. It could be an accident or fraudsters taking advantage of a well-known and reputable brand. For example, suppose a provider's brand is " IPTV PORTUGAL ", and the owner has registered the domain. Best IPTV Portugal

This is just an example; Until the writing of this article, this domain was not even registered. There are so many scam initiatives that it would be like creating more names similar to those listed above, such as and . Broadcast and so on. A simple SEO (Search Engine Optimization) will elevate this website to the first pages, causing some customers to fall into this trap. Customers visiting receipt. Stream, confusing it with , you may not get the product or get help when you need it. Be smart!

Your reputation on the Internet and life cycle of the IPTV Service in Portugal

You can spend a few minutes researching the supplier to see if they are trustworthy or if they have any negative feedback. Some IPTV blacklist organizations are continually exposing fraudsters and fraudsters. Find the best IPTV Portugal provider. You can discover them on many social media websites and forums. Best IPTV PT

You should also check the age of this supplier. How long ago did they start? Consider reviewing your activity logs from September and October 2018, when the IPV market was disrupted by the suspension of Xtream codes , which most providers used. During this period, few suppliers remained with their customers; some abandoned the market and re-emerged with a new brand, while others stopped responding to messages and returned after things returned to normal. Check the website for a news page, blog, and knowledge base area. These materials should include a publication date, which will help you determine how long this vendor has been operating.

Find the best IPTV Service provider in Portugal in the primary market.

It is crucial to understand the country of the supplier's primary market. To better understand a supplier's clientele, it's important to know which countries they primarily serve. If the majority of visitors come from a single country, this should indicate that the supplier has something worth offering to these individuals. To demonstrate, visit a traffic analysis site such as https://iptvpt.shop/.

These sites monitor the traffic statistics of almost every website in the world. Enter the domain of the provider you are investigating. Scroll down until you reach the Top Countries area. Countries are ranked from high to low depending on the traffic to that site. If your country is at the top, this may indicate that this supplier's main market is your country's package. This is just a method of getting things done. Another approach is to ask a direct question to receive an honest answer.

How to measure the provider's response time?

While you're in the free trial and know important events are live, email them or start a support request. Ask questions about the service. See when they respond to you. Don't say "Hi" and expect a quick response. Send a brief message answering your questions about the service and the issues discussed in this article. Evaluate customer support response time. IPTV SUBSCRIPTION IN PORTUGAL

Slow response time can indicate a number of factors, including service issues, too many support requests, business success, or lack of concern for users (for example, tickets answered once every 48 hours). Some providers return messages every two or three days!

Flexible payment methods IPTV service in Portugal

Essentially, the more payment methods available for you to pay the price, the better.

You may be wondering, "What about the price?" Of course, how about that?! It would help if you looked for this in someone willing to pay hard-earned money. Assume the supplier is performing all of the above tasks at peak performance. How much would a one month package cost? It is worth it? Be realistic. Providers incur server rental and retransmission fees and risks associated with setting up and maintaining the service.

[iptvpt9]

How to Find the Best IPTV Service in Portugal?

Finding the best IPTV service provider can be difficult, mainly due to the abundance of scams on the market. The price list is often the first thing people look at, precisely what fraudsters rely on. To know how to choose the best IPTV provider, there are a few steps and considerations before focusing on price. It may take a few days to sift through many vendors, but if done correctly, you will choose one as your first and last choice. So let's do this once, but correctly. IPTV Portugal service

If you believe you belong to the second category, try getting more involved in the satellite and IPTV communities. Read some articles. You may visit WeDoStream occasionally; I often provide important resources here to help you learn more, especially about protecting your privacy in the IPTV domain. If you don't have time to compare suppliers, read this article. I guarantee this will transform your perspective on IPTV providers, allowing you to narrow down your options and quickly choose the best one.

Ways to Find the Best IPTV Service Provider

IPTV providers now have profiles on major social media networks. Some people look for a service on TikTok, while others look for Facebook. Some others run their secret groups on platforms like Telegram and only accept clients through referrals. The Satellite and IPTV forums offer an area where IPTV providers can complete a few steps to become a "Verified Reseller/Provider" on that forum, meaning that the site administrator(s) have certified its validity as a real provider. The most common technique is to use search engines like Google. IPTV providers optimize their websites to rank better in search engines and provide a positive image to visitors. You can choose any of the methods listed above.

The importance of preserving records between supplier and brand names. IPTVPortugal

I would like to explain two things here.

First, the name of the provider doesn't matter at all. It should be considered a basic name to distinguish this provider from others. If one service is called "IPTV PT" and another is called "IPTV PORTUGAL", this does not mean that the first one provides superior feeds! You're laughing now, but I've seen similar situations where people think this way. Our hypothetical IPTV providers (IPTV Portugal) can be excellent or terrible; we want to focus on what we shouldn't use as a quality metric.

Find the best IPTV service provider in Portugal.

The second thing is that when choosing a provider, remember their name and preserve their contact details IPTV Service in Portugal. Bookmark their website URL in your browser. Include the email address among trusted contacts. Save the channel/ad group. There are similar brands. It could be an accident or fraudsters taking advantage of a well-known and reputable brand. For example, suppose a provider's brand is " IPTV PORTUGAL ", and the owner has registered the domain. Best IPTV Portugal

This is just an example; Until the writing of this article, this domain was not even registered. There are so many scam initiatives that it would be like creating more names similar to those listed above, such as and . Broadcast and so on. A simple SEO (Search Engine Optimization) will elevate this website to the first pages, causing some customers to fall into this trap. Customers visiting receipt. Stream, confusing it with , you may not get the product or get help when you need it. Be smart!

Your reputation on the Internet and life cycle of the IPTV Service in Portugal

You can spend a few minutes researching the supplier to see if they are trustworthy or if they have any negative feedback. Some IPTV blacklist organizations are continually exposing fraudsters and fraudsters. Find the best IPTV Portugal provider. You can discover them on many social media websites and forums. Best IPTV PT

You should also check the age of this supplier. How long ago did they start? Consider reviewing your activity logs from September and October 2018, when the IPV market was disrupted by the suspension of Xtream codes , which most providers used. During this period, few suppliers remained with their customers; some abandoned the market and re-emerged with a new brand, while others stopped responding to messages and returned after things returned to normal. Check the website for a news page, blog, and knowledge base area. These materials should include a publication date, which will help you determine how long this vendor has been operating.

Find the best IPTV Service provider in Portugal in the primary market.

It is crucial to understand the country of the supplier's primary market. To better understand a supplier's clientele, it's important to know which countries they primarily serve. If the majority of visitors come from a single country, this should indicate that the supplier has something worth offering to these individuals. To demonstrate, visit a traffic analysis site such as https://iptvpt.shop/.

These sites monitor the traffic statistics of almost every website in the world. Enter the domain of the provider you are investigating. Scroll down until you reach the Top Countries area. Countries are ranked from high to low depending on the traffic to that site. If your country is at the top, this may indicate that this supplier's main market is your country's package. This is just a method of getting things done. Another approach is to ask a direct question to receive an honest answer.

How to measure the provider's response time?

While you're in the free trial and know important events are live, email them or start a support request. Ask questions about the service. See when they respond to you. Don't say "Hi" and expect a quick response. Send a brief message answering your questions about the service and the issues discussed in this article. Evaluate customer support response time. IPTV SUBSCRIPTION IN PORTUGAL

Slow response time can indicate a number of factors, including service issues, too many support requests, business success, or lack of concern for users (for example, tickets answered once every 48 hours). Some providers return messages every two or three days!

Flexible payment methods IPTV service in Portugal

Essentially, the more payment methods available for you to pay the price, the better.

You may be wondering, "What about the price?" Of course, how about that?! It would help if you looked for this in someone willing to pay hard-earned money. Assume the supplier is performing all of the above tasks at peak performance. How much would a one month package cost? It is worth it? Be realistic. Providers incur server rental and retransmission fees and risks associated with setting up and maintaining the service.

[iptvpt8]

How to Find the Best IPTV Service in Portugal?

Finding the best IPTV service provider can be difficult, mainly due to the abundance of scams on the market. The price list is often the first thing people look at, precisely what fraudsters rely on. To know how to choose the best IPTV provider, there are a few steps and considerations before focusing on price. It may take a few days to sift through many vendors, but if done correctly, you will choose one as your first and last choice. So let's do this once, but correctly. IPTV Portugal service

If you believe you belong to the second category, try getting more involved in the satellite and IPTV communities. Read some articles. You may visit WeDoStream occasionally; I often provide important resources here to help you learn more, especially about protecting your privacy in the IPTV domain. If you don't have time to compare suppliers, read this article. I guarantee this will transform your perspective on IPTV providers, allowing you to narrow down your options and quickly choose the best one.

Ways to Find the Best IPTV Service Provider

IPTV providers now have profiles on major social media networks. Some people look for a service on TikTok, while others look for Facebook. Some others run their secret groups on platforms like Telegram and only accept clients through referrals. The Satellite and IPTV forums offer an area where IPTV providers can complete a few steps to become a "Verified Reseller/Provider" on that forum, meaning that the site administrator(s) have certified its validity as a real provider. The most common technique is to use search engines like Google. IPTV providers optimize their websites to rank better in search engines and provide a positive image to visitors. You can choose any of the methods listed above.

The importance of preserving records between supplier and brand names. IPTVPortugal

I would like to explain two things here.

First, the name of the provider doesn't matter at all. It should be considered a basic name to distinguish this provider from others. If one service is called "IPTV PT" and another is called "IPTV PORTUGAL", this does not mean that the first one provides superior feeds! You're laughing now, but I've seen similar situations where people think this way. Our hypothetical IPTV providers (IPTV Portugal) can be excellent or terrible; we want to focus on what we shouldn't use as a quality metric.

Find the best IPTV service provider in Portugal.

The second thing is that when choosing a provider, remember their name and preserve their contact details IPTV Service in Portugal. Bookmark their website URL in your browser. Include the email address among trusted contacts. Save the channel/ad group. There are similar brands. It could be an accident or fraudsters taking advantage of a well-known and reputable brand. For example, suppose a provider's brand is " IPTV PORTUGAL ", and the owner has registered the domain. Best IPTV Portugal

This is just an example; Until the writing of this article, this domain was not even registered. There are so many scam initiatives that it would be like creating more names similar to those listed above, such as and . Broadcast and so on. A simple SEO (Search Engine Optimization) will elevate this website to the first pages, causing some customers to fall into this trap. Customers visiting receipt. Stream, confusing it with , you may not get the product or get help when you need it. Be smart!

Your reputation on the Internet and life cycle of the IPTV Service in Portugal

You can spend a few minutes researching the supplier to see if they are trustworthy or if they have any negative feedback. Some IPTV blacklist organizations are continually exposing fraudsters and fraudsters. Find the best IPTV Portugal provider. You can discover them on many social media websites and forums. Best IPTV PT

You should also check the age of this supplier. How long ago did they start? Consider reviewing your activity logs from September and October 2018, when the IPV market was disrupted by the suspension of Xtream codes , which most providers used. During this period, few suppliers remained with their customers; some abandoned the market and re-emerged with a new brand, while others stopped responding to messages and returned after things returned to normal. Check the website for a news page, blog, and knowledge base area. These materials should include a publication date, which will help you determine how long this vendor has been operating.

Find the best IPTV Service provider in Portugal in the primary market.

It is crucial to understand the country of the supplier's primary market. To better understand a supplier's clientele, it's important to know which countries they primarily serve. If the majority of visitors come from a single country, this should indicate that the supplier has something worth offering to these individuals. To demonstrate, visit a traffic analysis site such as https://iptvpt.shop/.

These sites monitor the traffic statistics of almost every website in the world. Enter the domain of the provider you are investigating. Scroll down until you reach the Top Countries area. Countries are ranked from high to low depending on the traffic to that site. If your country is at the top, this may indicate that this supplier's main market is your country's package. This is just a method of getting things done. Another approach is to ask a direct question to receive an honest answer.

How to measure the provider's response time?

While you're in the free trial and know important events are live, email them or start a support request. Ask questions about the service. See when they respond to you. Don't say "Hi" and expect a quick response. Send a brief message answering your questions about the service and the issues discussed in this article. Evaluate customer support response time. IPTV SUBSCRIPTION IN PORTUGAL

Slow response time can indicate a number of factors, including service issues, too many support requests, business success, or lack of concern for users (for example, tickets answered once every 48 hours). Some providers return messages every two or three days!

Flexible payment methods IPTV service in Portugal

Essentially, the more payment methods available for you to pay the price, the better.

You may be wondering, "What about the price?" Of course, how about that?! It would help if you looked for this in someone willing to pay hard-earned money. Assume the supplier is performing all of the above tasks at peak performance. How much would a one month package cost? It is worth it? Be realistic. Providers incur server rental and retransmission fees and risks associated with setting up and maintaining the service.

[iptvpt6]

How to Find the Best IPTV Service in Portugal?

Finding the best IPTV service provider can be difficult, mainly due to the abundance of scams on the market. The price list is often the first thing people look at, precisely what fraudsters rely on. To know how to choose the best IPTV provider, there are a few steps and considerations before focusing on price. It may take a few days to sift through many vendors, but if done correctly, you will choose one as your first and last choice. So let's do this once, but correctly. IPTV Portugal service

If you believe you belong to the second category, try getting more involved in the satellite and IPTV communities. Read some articles. You may visit WeDoStream occasionally; I often provide important resources here to help you learn more, especially about protecting your privacy in the IPTV domain. If you don't have time to compare suppliers, read this article. I guarantee this will transform your perspective on IPTV providers, allowing you to narrow down your options and quickly choose the best one.

Ways to Find the Best IPTV Service Provider IPTV providers now have profiles on major social media networks. Some people look for a service on TikTok, while others look for Facebook. Some others run their secret groups on platforms like Telegram and only accept clients through referrals. The Satellite and IPTV forums offer an area where IPTV providers can complete a few steps to become a “Verified Reseller/Provider” on that forum, meaning that the site administrator(s) have certified its validity as a real provider. The most common technique is to use search engines like Google. IPTV providers optimize their websites to rank better in search engines and provide a positive image to visitors. You can choose any of the methods listed above.

The importance of preserving records between supplier and brand names. IPTVPortugal

I would like to explain two things here. First, the name of the provider doesn't matter at all. It should be considered a basic name to distinguish this provider from others. If one service is called “IPTV PT” and another is called “IPTV PORTUGAL”, this does not mean that the first one provides superior feeds! You're laughing now, but I've seen similar situations where people think this way. Our hypothetical IPTV providers (IPTV Portugal) can be excellent or terrible; we want to focus on what we shouldn't use as a quality metric.

Find the best IPTV service provider in Portugal. The second thing is that when choosing a provider, remember their name and preserve their contact details IPTV Service in Portugal. Bookmark their website URL in your browser. Include the email address among trusted contacts. Save the channel/ad group. There are similar brands. It could be an accident or fraudsters taking advantage of a well-known and reputable brand. For example, suppose a provider's brand is “ IPTV PORTUGAL ”, and the owner has registered the domain niceiptv.com. Best IPTV Portugal

This is just an example; Until the writing of this article, this domain was not even registered. There are so many scam initiatives that it would be like creating more names similar to those listed above, such as niceiptv.net and niceiptv. Broadcast and so on. A simple SEO (Search Engine Optimization) will elevate this website to the first pages, causing some customers to fall into this trap. Customers visiting receipt. Stream, confusing it with niceiptv.com, you may not get the product or get help when you need it. Be smart!

Your reputation on the Internet and life cycle of the IPTV Service in Portugal You can spend a few minutes researching the supplier to see if they are trustworthy or if they have any negative feedback. Some IPTV blacklist organizations are continually exposing fraudsters and fraudsters. Find the best IPTV Portugal provider. You can discover them on many social media websites and forums. Best IPTV PT

You should also check the age of this supplier. How long ago did they start? Consider reviewing your activity logs from September and October 2018, when the IPV market was disrupted by the suspension of Xtream codes , which most providers used. During this period, few suppliers remained with their customers; some abandoned the market and re-emerged with a new brand, while others stopped responding to messages and returned after things returned to normal. Check the website for a news page, blog, and knowledge base area. These materials should include a publication date, which will help you determine how long this vendor has been operating.

Find the best IPTV Service provider in Portugal in the primary market. It is crucial to understand the country of the supplier's primary market. To better understand a supplier's clientele, it's important to know which countries they primarily serve. If the majority of visitors come from a single country, this should indicate that the supplier has something worth offering to these individuals. To demonstrate, visit a traffic analysis site such as https://iptvpt.shop/.

These sites monitor the traffic statistics of almost every website in the world. Enter the domain of the provider you are investigating. Scroll down until you reach the Top Countries area. Countries are ranked from high to low depending on the traffic to that site. If your country is at the top, this may indicate that this supplier's main market is your country's package. This is just a method of getting things done. Another approach is to ask a direct question to receive an honest answer.

How to measure the provider's response time? While you're in the free trial and know important events are live, email them or start a support request. Ask questions about the service. See when they respond to you. Don’t say “Hi” and expect a quick response. Send a brief message answering your questions about the service and the issues discussed in this article. Evaluate customer support response time. IPTV SUBSCRIPTION IN PORTUGAL

Slow response time can indicate a number of factors, including service issues, too many support requests, business success, or lack of concern for users (for example, tickets answered once every 48 hours). Some providers return messages every two or three days!

Flexible payment methods IPTV service in Portugal Essentially, the more payment methods available for you to pay the price, the better.

You may be wondering, “What about the price?” Of course, how about that?! It would help if you looked for this in someone willing to pay hard-earned money. Assume the supplier is performing all of the above tasks at peak performance. How much would a one month package cost? It is worth it? Be realistic. Providers incur server rental and retransmission fees and risks associated with setting up and maintaining the service.