#like i could even get up and clean my room right now i'm physically capable of it

[stabbingandorbeingstabbed]

in mental anguish bc i had two days off in a row and big ideas about cleaning my room or my car or accomplishing literally anything in that time but guess who has been in bed for 2 days instead of doing any of that <3

[alwayssassydreamer]

I Hate Myself For Loving You

Day 15 of Kikitober (sorry i wrote a wrong prompt down for day 15 so this doesn't quite fit but I'm still posting it hope it's ok)

A/N: someone (I forgot who - sorry) gave me this idea and it turned out kinda weird as i was trying to think of an interrogation tactic that would not involve physical and not too much emotional pain. But in the end Kid is just a big softie. As always not proofread

Plot: you're after a treasure but got caught by pirates who try to make you give up the location of it, things get even more complicated when Kid arrives and demands answers but not about the treasure

Warnings: mention of torture, maybe hurt?, reader is a captive, i seriously have no idea what to put here, MDNI

Characters: Kid x F!Reader

You thought it would be easy here, meeting this man who could help you with the map that was leading to a hidden treasure, talk to him, thank him for taking his time and then get the fuck out without anybody noticing that you were even there.

But you were not expecting this pirate crew.

Bound to a chair in a dimly lit room on an enemies ship. That's not quite how you pictured this to turn out.

"Tell me dear, someone told me that you might know where the treasure is, is that true?" a rather old man with a brown beard you guessed to be the captain, asked you.

"Treasure? What kind of treasure? Never heard of a treasure here. but If you find it I'd like to have a share of it." you said looking him dead in the eye.

He stroked his beard a crooked grin on his face before he moved closer grabbing your face squeezing your cheeks.

"You think I'm an idiot?" Well yeah, that's what you were thinking.

"Someone told me that you were asking questions about a specific map and I come to think that this map might be the one leading to the gold" he hissed squeezing even harder. Damn that was getting really uncomfortable.

"Come on sweetheart tell us about the map" a tall and bulky man shouted.

"Why should I tell a pathetic pirate crew like yours anything" you snapped trying to get his hand off your face.

The crew erupted in laughter, confusing you.

"Well I guess we'll have to show you what this pathetic pirate crew is capable of. Maybe then you will talk to us" he threatened a mischievous grin on his face.

You had to admit you were a little scared now. Pissing them off was a rather stupid idea after all.

"Get me my interrogation box" the captain ordered and you swallowed hard.

Having something that's called an interrogation box did not sound good - not at all.

The captain took a chair and sat down in front of you placing the box on his lap. In it a lot of different knives, some sharp some seemed kinda blunt, varying in size and something that looked like a hammer.

The little scared feeling turned now into a big scared feeling not going unnoticed by the captain.

"What's wrong dear, fear sinking in. Not so tough anymore aren't you" he taunted as his fingers gliding over his tools.

"That should do for the warm up" he said picking a smaller knife with a clean and sharp looking blade.

Wavering it in front of you he moved closer to your arm. Just as he was about to cut you with it a man of his crew rushed towards him whispering in his ear.

The captain looked well different. Whatever the man told him it made the him get up. His face a mix of fear and frustration.

"I'll be right back. In the meantime how about you entertain our little prisoner" he said in a threatening way.

His men nodded and smiled a devilish smile at you.

Ok maybe the captain wasn't that bad after all. The fact that you were being held in this room tied to a chair surrounded by men who already undressed you with their eyes made your stomach twist.

The first one approached you moving a finger from your arm up to your neck.

"Fuck off" you yelled trying to wiggle away.

"There's no going anywhere darling, you're stuck with us, the pathetic pirate crew." a man with a scar running down his chest taunted.

"If you touch me I'm going to cut your fucking hands off" you said desperately but this only made the men laugh at you.

"Such a feisty one. I think we're gonna have a lot of fun with you" the tall man with the beard growled as his thumb brushed over your lips.

You had to think - fast if you wanted to get out of here in one piece.

"Let's see what you're hiding underneath" a third man with sleek dark hair laughed as he grabbed your shirt ripping it open leaving you in your bra as the shirt hung loosely over your shoulders.

"What a nice view" he mocked liking his lips as the other two took a step back to let the sight sink in. His hands were moving closer trying to touch your skin when the door to the room suddenly swung open.

"What's going on here" a deep voice shouted behind you.

The men were startled, fear across their faces.

"I'm sorry sir we were just havin some fun" the dark haired man apologized with a shaky voice.

You heard heavy footsteps moving closer.

"Look who we have here" the strangly familiar sounding voice said as the footsteps stopped in front of you.

"Oh fucking hell, no" you said as you looked right into Kid's eyes.

"Oh yes." he mocked with a smugly grin. He looked you up and down smiling at your demise.

"I've been told that you were messing with my subordinate crew about some treasure and I've gotta admit I love the sight of you bound to a chair unable to get away" he continued making fun of you as his huge frame hovered above you.

"Fuck off, asshole"

Kid's eyes wandered to the interrogation box.

"What's with that. Were you about to torture her" he asked pointing at the box.

"She wouldn't tell where we can find it, so we decided to help her talk" the captain said as his crew chuckled.

"You think you could get her to talk with that. She's tougher than that and too stubborn to give in believe me" Kid stated looking at you.

"But sir I'm-"

"Shut the fuck up." Kid yelled as he leaned forward his face close to yours.

"Funny how things worked out, huh? Here we are again. You, me, and some unfinished business" he almost whispered. You tensed not knowing where this was going.

"Get the fuck out of here" he suddenly shouted not removing his eyes from you.

You heard some shifting around you and then the pirates leaving while you were unable to avoid Kid's gaze.

"What's with this treasure" he asked his voice low and dangerous.

"I have no idea why everyone believes I know something about it" you said trying to be convincing.

Kid placed his flesh hand on your thigh and his metal hand on the chairs armrest as he leaned even closer trapping you beneath him and whispering in your ear. "I know you're lying. I know you better than anyone else" His lips brush against your ear his hot breath tickling you.

He moved a little to look you in the eyes before flashing a small smile.

The moment the pirates left was the moment the tension shifted. You weren't scared of getting physically hurt you knew Kid would never do that to you. Though you were still a little anxious. Kid had other ways to get what he wanted.

"What now" you asked nervously.

"Now I'm going to continue the interrogation my way, unless you want to talk to me" he growled evilly.

"Wait what-" Panic was rising inside you.

"Yeah I will have you answer every question I ask" he taunted as he dragged a finger from your collarbone between your boobs and down to your belly button, sending shivers down your spine, knowing exactly what he's doing.

He kept staring at his finger which still rested on your skin before he lifted his head.

"Now let the fun begin. The first question is easy. What's with this whole treasure thing?"

You sighed as he leaned back on the chair arms crossed.

"I might have found a map to a hidden treasure and a man on this island helped me reading it as I tried to leave your friends caught me" you explained.

"Where is the map"

"Like hell I tell you that's my treasure" you complained.

"That's not the correct answer" he smirked as he got off the chair to crouch down right before you. He grabbed one of your legs lifted it up and attacked your inner thigh with his mouth.

You gasped out of surprise cursing the shorts you wore. A small moan escaping your lips as you could feel him smile into your skin.

"Fuck stop that" you whined. He stopped but didn't let go of your leg.

"Then answer my question" he demanded

"It's in my boot. The one on the leg you're holding"

Gentle fingertips moved along your leg to your boot before pulling the map out.

"Good girl" he teased as he put your leg down and took his seat again.

"That was the easy part, now it will get tough"

"Great" you said as you tried to think of a way out.

He hesitated and suddenly something in his demenour changed.

"Why did you leave" he asked catching you off guard.

Suddenly the tension in the room became unbearable. You wanted out right now. The memory of the day you left him was too painful and you didn't want to think about it. Seeing him there right in front of you was already hard enough.

You lowered your head and he knew you wouldn't say a word. He got angry. He wanted, no he nedded to know why.

"You don’t want to talk about it?" Kid tilted his head, eyes glinting with a predatory gleam. "Fine. I’ll just have to get my answers" he snapped before attacking you again this time his mouth made contact with the tender flesh of your belly. He started biting, sucking and pulling on it - probably leaving marks.

"Kid" you stuttered voice shaky.

"Don't 'Kid' me now. What was it? Was I not enough? Did you find someone better?" he asked angrily as his mouth kept roughly devouring you. Knowing that this would get to you, it always did.

How you had missed this. How you were craving for his lips all over your body. But you couldn't let this happen. No. You left him almost a year ago, determined to never meet him again - the memories of your time together too painful.

He stopped his assault and instead placed small kisses from your waistline up to your chest before moving to your neck.

"You changed" you hitched as the sensation of him sucking on your neck became too much. He stopped, letting go of you.

You took a deep breath. "You changed - not for the good."

"What do you mean?" he asked and you were sure you could hear anger in his voice.

"You've become ruthless, and you pushed me away because you became obssessed with power and revenge and I couldn't take it anymore" you continued biting back a tear .

For a moment he stood there saying nothing but you could see his jaw clenching.

"You couldn't take it! Did you ever wonder what it was like for me when you just left" he shouted, now making you angry too.

"For fuck's sake I was constantly worried about you" you almost screamed. Kid blinked, taken aback by what you just said, though he tried not to show it outright. "You started to throw yourself into danger almost like you were on a suicide mission, like your life doesn't matter" you continued as the anger slowly subdued.

Kid stared at you for a long moment clenching his fist. "And all this time, you never thought to tell me this"

"What should I have said. Oh love please stop being a fucking menace because I'm terrified that you could die. Would you have listened to me?" and there was the anger again.

He said nothing knowing that you made a point. He would have listened to you but he probably would have brushed your concerns off.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The tension between you simmered, heavy with unresolved feelings.

"Do you still love me?" he asked looking at you intensely as you couldn't stop a tear from rolling down your face.

"You know the answer" you mumbled.

This moment, this vulnerability in your gaze reminded him of the times you've spent together. He started to realize that he missed you more than he wanted to admit.

"Last question before the games' over" he said his voice a mixture of anger, frustration and fear.

"Would you give me a second chance"

"I...." you paused not knowing what to say. Part of you wanted to scream yes but another part reminded you of why you left him.

"Forget it this whole thing was stupid from the start" he got up angrily and frustrated knocking the chair down in the process before aggressivly freeing you from your restraints.

"You're free to go better take the opportunity" he growled as you rubbed your wrists. You got up and moved towards the door hand already on the handle when you stopped and turned to look at him.

"What were you doing on this ship?" you asked eyes narrowing.

"None of your business" he snapped avoiding your gaze, muscles tensing.

You stepped closer stopping in front of him. "Funny that a treasure map that so many would like to have in their hands ends up in mine." you started observing him closely. "Now that I think about it what's even funnier is that on this whole treasure hunt I not once had to fight off someone or even got in trouble"

He tensed his jaw clenching, eyes focused on the ground.

"Why" you asked softly.

Your words hit a nerve, and Kid finally looked at you, his expression torn between anger and frustration.

"You think I let you run around chasing this treasure knowing how many other pirates are after it without keeping an eye on you."

You looked at him confused

"I had someone slip you the map, I remembered how your eyes gleamed everytime we went on a treasure hunt. So I made sure you got it, but then I found out that this was a map a lot of people wanted and i got worried." he continued his explanation

"You should never find out but who would have guessed that I had to jump in against my own subordinates." He mutters almost ashamed.

"You protected me the whole time?" you hadn’t expected this, heart racing as you tried to process the revelation.

Kid scoffed trying to hide his emotions. Secretly hoping that this might bring you back to him. Even though he knew better.

"Softie" you teased with a small laugh.

He stepped closer to you. "If you keep mocking me I'll tie you back down" he growled making you raise your hands in defense.

"And now go, before I change my mind and drag you back into this mess." he muttered. You could almost see his heart ache, no matter how hard he tried to hide it he didn't want you to go.

Once again you hesitated it was as if your head was already out the door but your heart couldn't move.

"Why are you doing this to me? To you? You should have let me go." You said close to tears.

"You think I can just turn it off? That I can forget everything we had? I may not be good at this 'feelings' crap, but even I know when I’m not ready to let go" he scoffed, his lips curling into a bitter smirk.

"There was not a day I wasn't thinking about you" you almost whispered as you closed your eyes the truth weighing heavily on your chest

Kid froze not quite believing what he just heard. He swallowed hard running his hand through his hair. You had meant to keep your feelings buried, to shield you from the pain.

"Even after everything?" He asked his voice unusally calm.

"I did, even when I shouldn’t have. I thought about all the things we shared, the way it ended… everything"

Kid’s expression softened, the corners of his mouth tugging into a small smile. You felt heat rise to your cheeks.

"I thought about you too, every damn day. But it was easier to pretend I didn’t." He replied.

KId's vulnerability was raw and that's why you appreciated this so much. The fact that he let you see this side of him meant more than anything to you.

But it also made everything so much more complicated.

"What now?" You asked fumbling nervously with your fingers.

"You leave but the map remains with me" he said coldly, trying to convince himself that this was the best for both of you.

"Seriously! That's my map and my treasure. And i won't let you take it from me" you shouted a mix of anger and boldness in your voice.

He looked at you and laughed devilish.

"Keep on dreaming mouse, the map is mine and now you better leave" he said dangerously as he waved the map before you.

You tried to grab for it but he just lifted it over your head . You lunged forward trying to reach for it until he wrapped his metallic arm around your waist.

The heat of his body causing your cheeks to flush. A shiver running down your spine as his muscular body was pressed against yours.

This was wrong you shouldn't enjoy it yet you did.

You looked at him leaning closer your lips mere inches from his. Both of your hearts were racing. You wanted to kiss him so badly but then you snatched the map out of his hand, wirggled out of his grasp and made for the door.

"Better hurry big boy otherwise you might lose sight of me" you teased as your ran out of the door smiling.

He stood there for a moment dumbstruck before an evilly smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. The thrill of the chase stirred something primal in him, and he couldn’t help but enjoy it.

"You can run all you want, but you know I love a good chase" he shouted after you.

[miamochi-writes]

Miamochi!

Your Vash x reader writings are the cutest! Thank you for giving us such good content! I hope you’re doing well! Could you do a Vash x reader where y/n is trying to tend to Vash’s wounds and he refuses to because he’s self-conscious about his scars. So the reader resorts to showing they’re scars in the hopes of getting him to trust them? I seriously hope this makes sense and that you’re comfortable with it!

anyways I love your blog! Xx💖

A/n: Thank you so much for liking my content! And the way I put so much time into this request and using my old nursing skills into this. Hope you like it!

Warning: slight mention of blood

Scars to Your Beautiful

"Come on Y/n, I'm fine really," Vash insisted.

"Vash, you were shot at not too long ago, you're not fine!" you argued.

"You don't need to worry, I can take care of it," he persisted.

"Vash, I'm the medic in this group and you're bleeding from the back. Just please let me patch you up!" you asserted yourself.

You hardly ever argued with Vash, but when you did it was a battle of two stubborn mules. Neither of you were willing to budge or change your mind. All this happened because the military police stumbled upon your group when you were looking for some extra supplies for your next trip. You managed to lose them, but Vash ended up getting shot twice. One from the back and one at the front. Thankfully they weren't near his vital organs, but that didn't stop you from panicking. You immediately dragged him back to the hotel and into your room where you had him sit on your bed while your first aid kit was on the chair across from him. You managed to get him to remove his red jacket, but he refused to let you treat him.

"Y/n, please I can take care of myself," Vash spoke again as you pouted.

"Vash, last time you bandaged your wound, it didn't properly close because you didn't rest or clean it before wrapping it up," you pointed out. Vash flinched when you mentioned the incident before and he knew you were right about that.

"Still, I can take care of it now," Vash waved it off.

"Even the wound on your back?" you asked as Vash stiffened. You got him again, and you wondered what excuse he would throw at you this time. You sighed at how much he was refusing your help. If it was the other way around, he would make sure you get treated. But with him, you wondered why he was so set on not letting you help. You then placed your first aid kit on the floor and sat on the chair across from him.

"Vash…why won't you let me patch you up? Do you not trust me?" you questioned with a bit of hurt evident in your tone. He knows he's seen you take care of civilians who were injured and take care of Wolfwood's cuts and scratches from fights. Everyone knew you were more than capable of being a medic, but why was the one person you deeply cared for refusing your help? You then felt a hand on your shoulder and looked at Vash. You could tell his face was conflicted with many emotions, but the one that was more evident was guilt. His blue eyes locked into your caring e/c eyes. You could tell he was struggling to say something and finding the words to tell you. His mouth slightly opening, closing, and then biting his lip.

"Y/n, I- I understand you want to help. I trust you, it's just that...it's complicated," he managed to utter out as he looked away from you at the last part. He withdrew his prosthetic arm and folded his arms, almost as if he was holding himself. You cocked an eyebrow at his answer and his body language. Just what was so complicated about you trying to take care of him. You then tried to reach your arm out to Vash slowly and rested on his right shoulder. The moment your hand touched his shoulder, he flinched. This caught you off guard, since Vash was usually physically expressive around you. He would always take the chance to rest his arm around your shoulder or grab your hand to show you something he was excited about. So seeing him react like this with you was strange.

You retracted your arm back as Vash looked at you with guilt once more. It looked like he wanted to reach out to you with his flesh hand, but stopped midway. You thought about how he was acting towards you today, and when you touched his shoulder, you felt something odd on his shoulder that wasn't his prosthetic or the texture of his clothing. You decided to ask one more question.

"Vash, are you refusing my help because you're afraid of me seeing something?" you asked. Vash then froze and still looked away from you. But he wasn't denying your assumption. Furthermore, him turning his body away from you and biting his lip reinforced that idea. You had an idea why Vash might be hesitant with you treating him. If your hunch was right, you had one option on how he might let you, but it would mean getting personal with Vash. You stood up from your chair and took a deep breath. This caught Vash's attention as he was wondering what you were planning to do.

You walked towards your hotel door and double locked the entrance. You then turned to Vash and walked back to him. You then looked down at your jacket. You slowly started unzipping it to where it showed your sleeveless top. Then, you slowly lifted your top to show your midriff. Once Vash saw you lifting your top, he immediately turned red and covered his face.

"Y/n! W-what are you?" Vash asked. Before he could finish asking his question, he spotted something he never thought he'd see. On the side of your abdominal area was a long and slightly thick horizontal scar on your left side. On the lower right side looked to be several smaller but thicker scars. You didn't look up, but you could already hear the questions Vash was about to ask you.

"I had these for a long time now. I got most of them from being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Some were from escaping fights and others were from trying to protect myself. I didn't have any money to get the help needed. And since no one told me how to properly take care of my wounds, they didn't heal properly. I hated how much they stood out on my body that I kept picking at them," you explained. You never really showed anyone your scars for this reason, but you figured you would show Vash. Hopefully this would convince him on letting you take care of him. You then took off your jacket that revealed the top portion of your top. On your right shoulder, were three large scars that looked like something clawed at you.

"These scars are the reason I became a medic. I want to help people as much as I can and give them an option to be treated. Or at least prevent them from making the same mistakes I did. These things really haven't been the best towards my self-esteem," you dryly chuckled as you pulled down your top. Then you looked at Vash who just stared at you with those blue eyes of his. He wasn't saying anything, and the silence was agonizing. Maybe you overstepped your boundaries.

"Sorry, that was TMI. Just forget about it," you apologized while getting ready to bolt out of the room.

"Y/n wait," Vash called out as he grabbed your hand. You looked back at him to see his eyes filled with more mixed emotions. His grip on you wasn't tight, but it was firm enough to let you know he wanted you to stay. He walked you back to the bed as he sat down while you stood up.

"You have no reason to apologize. If anything I should...here," Vash started talking. He then let go of your hand as he started taking off his black top. Your eyes landed on his chest and your hunch was correct. There were large scars, metal plating, and seams covering most of his body. There were so many past injuries that you could tell he got from either falling, blunt trauma, or deep cuts from some kind of weapon. You knew Vash always ended up in dangerous situations, but what you saw showed how much hell he actually went through during his travels.

"Well this is a bit embarrassing, huh?" Vash sheepishly chuckled with that fake smile he flashed you. Even now he was trying to make light of the situation. You took a seat on the chair across from him and grabbed both of his hands. He looked at you as you squeezed both of his hands while rubbing small circles on them.

"Vash...that was really brave of you to do that. I know that wasn't easy to do, but thank you. I promise I'll make this quick," you thanked him as you began to work. You told Vash to turn around so you could face his back and handed him a clean cloth and instructed him to press it on his wound at the front. You needed to make sure to stop the bleeding as soon as possible. Once that was done, you readied the alcohol solution you carried and dabbed it on a few cotton balls.

"This might sting, but I'm just disinfecting the wound," you warned Vash.

"No worries, I trust you," Vash said quietly but flashed you a reassuring small smile. You smiled at him as well, but you braced yourself with what you were going to do next. Vash flinched once you started dabbing the cotton balls on the wound. You muttered a sorry to the blonde, but he kept brushing it off. Soon you added some antibiotic ointment and dressed the wound properly. Once you placed the bandage on him, you softly pressed it onto this skin and could feel Vash stiffen. Your heart sunk, as you knew how hard it was being vulnerable and having your scars exposed like this. You recognized the types of scars he had and how he might have gotten them. To think he hid them so well from everyone blew your mind.

You then asked him to face you so you could take care of the other wound at the front. This time his wound was located on the front side of his abdomen. Thankfully it was a thin bullet graze. As you worked, you could feel Vash's eyes on you. You figured he had a lot on his mind, especially after making yourselves both vulnerable.

"Thanks for letting me do this. I know this isn't easy for you. But I wanted to make sure you were okay and were taken care of properly. You've always done a lot for me, and I wanted to return the favor," you started but Vash stayed quiet.

"After seeing your scars, I realized two things about you. One, you care so much for people. You're selfless and willing to put your life on the line for them, and it just goes to show much you're willing to protect those in need," you spoke as you were cleaning his wound.

"The second, I still think you're beautiful inside and out," you added as you started bandaging his wound. You could feel Vash's eyes boring a hole through your head as you let out a soft smile.

"I know with my scars, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin for the longest time. So it took a lot for me to show my scars today, but I'm happy I did. We both took a risk today and we got to learn more about each other. I remember one of the doctors I was training under telling me that scars can tell a lot about a person and hold stories about a person's past. So after seeing your scars, I realized I'm not the only one with scars. Your scars show how much you look out for others, and that's what makes you Vash. I don't think any less of you. In fact, I admire you a lot more after today," you finished as you slightly brushed your finger against one of his scars.

You poured your heart out to him. He needed to know that after being so vulnerable with you on so many levels. You then started putting away your kit and got up from your seat ready to take your leave.

"I'm all done now. I'll make sure to change out the bandages once in awhile so they can heal properly," you told him. Before you could leave, you felt your top being tugged from behind. You turned around to see Vash looking at you with a face that said don't go yet. He walked up towards you with his eyes locked onto yours.

"Did you mean all that?" he asked as you nodded your head. He then pulled you towards him and held you in a tight embrace. Your eyes widened at the sudden action and immediately grew flustered after realizing your face was pressed against his bare chest. A red blush was plastered over your cheeks as your heart was becoming erratic.

"I'm sorry I was trying to push you away earlier, and that I made you do something uncomfortable because of me. But thank you for putting up with me and taking care of my injuries. It makes me happy that you don't think any less of me after seeing me like this. Also, after seeing your scars...I still think you're the most stunning person I've ever met. I'm glad to have you stick by me," Vash added as you looked up to see him give you a genuine smile that you knew too well with his eyes staring fondly at you.

"You think I'm stunning?" you asked as your face grew hot. You knew Vash was always sincere about his feelings towards others, but you wanted to hear it from him again just to be sure.

"Of course I do. It's another reason I like you so much," Vash replied as you had to do a double take. Vash chuckled at your actions as you tried to process what he said.

"Did I hear that right? You like me too?" you asked again as Vash brought his human hand to caress your face.

"I like you Y/n. I always have, and I can prove it if you let me," he said as you saw a pink blush rest on his cheeks.

"Prove it," you told him. Vash then smiled and gave you soft kiss on your lips as you closed your eyes. You could feel how gentle he was towards you with this simple but powerful action alone. You finally hugged him back as your hand rested on his side, while his prosthetic arm held the small of your back. Once Vash pulled away, you looked at him to see he was staring at you lovingly.

"How was that?" he asked as you still couldn't believe that he actually kissed you.

"Did I take your breath away?" he asked as you started laughing.

"You're lucky I like you a lot," you answered as you planted a tender kiss on his lips. When you parted again, you looked at Vash who pulled you in for a tigther hug.

"Can we stay like this for a little longer?" he asked. After everything that happened today, how could you possibly say no to him?

[teine-mallaichte]

Day 2 @augusnippets : Platonic bathing/hair care

Characters: Asset 84 (post liberation) and John

84 has been at the rehabilitation unit for 10 days but is finding it difficult to adapt to this new existence of not being a weapon. I absolutely hate writing comfort/fluff/etc for this “path of comfort” thing is going to be interesting.

84 master list

84 had looked haggard even by asset standards when the liberation force found them - John was unsure on the details but the councillors believed the asset may have been experiencing some form of self neglect and psychological stress - words like depression, PTSD , dissociation and identity crisis had been thrown around by the councillors in meetings.

In the last ten days at the facility this has not improved much. Although the days in the medical centre before being assigned a room had stabilised 84 physically the former asset still seemed reluctant to do anything more than the absolute minimum for survival. They asset hardly ate, didn't seem to sleep enough, and John suspected rarely showered.

Approaching 84s room cautiously, carrying a small kit consisting of scissors, a comb, and basic hygiene supplies, John felt out of his element. Katherine seemed convinced that John could leverage 84s tentative trust - or at least willingness to engage with the medic - to address 84’s appearance and lack of self-care, but he had his doubts.

As John entered the room, 84's usually steely and detached gaze shifted towards him. Their eyes, though impassive, briefly focused on the grooming kit in his hands. 84 looked somehow even worse than they had the day before, their hair now tangled and matted.

John offered a small, non-threatening smile as he approached 84, holding up the grooming kit. "I thought you might like to clean up a bit," he said, keeping his tone light and casual.

84's eyes flickered to the kit and then back to John, their expression remaining unreadable. "There is no need," they said in their usual monotone. "My appearance does not affect my function."

John stifled a slight laugh, acknowledging the accuracy of 84's statement. He had no doubt that, as a weapon, 84 would be fully capable of executing their mission effectively, regardless of their physical appearance.

However, this wasn't just about functionality.

He nodded, maintaining his calm demeanor. "You're right," he agreed, "your appearance doesn't affect your function. But it can affect how you feel about yourself."

84's gaze remained impassive, but John noticed a slight twitch in their fingers, a sign he had come to recognise meant that 84 was thinking or processing something, "How I feel is irrelevant," they replied flatly.

John decided to take a more practical approach, "How about we make a deal?" he suggested, "Let me try to sort out your hair, and if you still feel it's unnecessary, we will never discuss it again."

84 stared at John, their eyes cold and calculating, but there was a brief, fleeting moment of hesitation. The offer of a “deal” seemed to cut through the rigid walls they had built around themselves. John’s approach was likely unconventional, but it was designed to be a small, manageable step toward addressing their neglect, and it was clear that 84 was contemplating it.

Finally, 84 sighed, the sound almost imperceptible, and shifted slightly on the cot. Their fingers twitched again. “You may proceed.” they said, their tone begrudging but not entirely dismissive.

John approached with the grooming kit, trying to keep his movements as calm and non intrusive as possible. He carefully opened the kit and laid out the scissors, comb, and other supplies on a nearby table. 84 watched silently, their gaze fixed on the items but showing no sign of further engagement.

“I won't lie to you, I'm probably going to need to cut a lot of these tangles out... And I'm far from a hair dresser," John remarked, hoping that one day his attempts at humour would get a reaction.

John worked methodically, his movements precise as he began to detangle 84's matted hair. He focused on the task at hand, carefully cutting away the worst tangles while trying to remain as unobtrusive as possible. 84 sat stoically, their posture rigid and their gaze fixed on a point on the wall, their expression inscrutable.

But as John worked, he noticed the subtle occasional shifts in 84 - the slight twitching of their fingers, the occasional movement of their posture, and the almost imperceptible way they flinched whenever the comb snagged on a particularly tough knot. The more time he spent with 84 the more he was noticing that they were not as robotic and uneffected by things as they seemed to want everyone to think.

“You know,” John said, trying to sound casual, “I used to be pretty terrible at this sort of thing. I cut my sister's hair once when we were kids, and it ended up looking like someone had attacked her. I’m hoping I’ve improved a bit since then.”

84 remained silent, their gaze fixed straight ahead as John worked through their hair. The room was filled with the quiet sounds of the comb sliding through tangles and the occasional snip of the scissors. John continued to speak in a light, conversational tone, trying to bridge the gap between them.

"She was pretty upset at the time," John continued, his voice warm with a hint of nostalgia.

John continued, his voice filled with a mix of humor and fondness, "Our mother was furious of course."

84 remained largely motionless, their posture rigid and taunt, but the twitch of their hand has become more pronounced, building to them fiddling absently with the edge of their sleeve.

 "my sister eventually forgave me," he continued, "after a bit of shouting and about a week of silent treatment... Funny thing is she likes her hair short now," he chuckled slightly.

John worked carefully to untangle 84's hair, his hands steady but deliberate. Each snip of the scissors was made with caution, mindful of the delicate trust that the asset was displaying.

The task was more intimate than anything he had experienced before in his professional life. Up until now, his interactions with assets had been limited to medical emergencies during evacuation; he had never been involved in their rehabilitation process.

His usual duties were straightforward: enter dangerous environments, stabilise casualties, and then hand them off to someone else. He had never been expected to think beyond the immediate survival of his patients. Rehabilitation and the emotional nuances that came with it had never been part of his remit.

Working with 84 was a departure from this norm. It wasn’t just about patching up injuries and moving on, there was a need to build trust and connection, things the rehab team were trained in.

"There are only two things you really need to know," Katherines voice echoed in his head, "assets know when you are lying, so be honest. And don't let them know that you have no idea what you are doing." John had pointed out that this was a contradiction, but the councillor has simply looked at him as if he was an idiot so he hadn't posted the matter.

"Almost done,” John said, trying to maintain a friendly tone. “An actual hair dresser might need to look at it at some point, but at least it's not matted anymore."

As John finished trimming 84’s hair, he took a step back to assess his work. The once tangled and matted mass was now considerably neater, though still far from perfect. The change in 84's appearance was subtle but significant; they looked less feral, more human and also younger. John couldn't help but wonder how old 84 was, he'd need to check the file later.

"Looks better,” John said with a slight smile, trying to keep the mood light.

84 regarded their reflection in a small mirror on the wall, their expression still unreadable. John waited, watching for any sign of reaction. The subtle improvements in 84's appearance seemed to have brought a small, yet noticeable shift. Their posture was slightly less rigid, and their fingers, which had been twitching intermittently, were now resting still.

"You did well," 84 said finally, their voice lacking its usual detachment but still flat.

John’s smile widened at 84's sparse but genuine compliment. It was closest he had heard to 84 actually expressing an opinion about anything.

"Thank you," John said, genuinely pleased, "I appreciate you letting me help with that."

[boredtosizzle]

I'd like to add another mental health chart. (I'm very physically disabled. This assumes a Good Day for me physically).

1- able to feed self enough to satisfy any hunger before it becomes a problem, and do the dishes. This does not interfere with my want to complete my personal goals, or go to work. I am willing to participate in any treatments my doctors have laid out for me, including exercise. The word distressed does not come to mind when asked how you are.

2- there is a problem, of some variety. But you are able to keep scope, acknowledge it as having a real set of steps to achieve, and after some amount of soothing, are able to resolve whatever issue is bothering you. You may feel bothered, sad, or angry. Something may have gone right, but in the wrong way, and it just feels bad. It is easy to accept that this will pass.

3- background stressors are beginning to build. Some things that are not an issue when you feel good, are an issue now, such as clothes on the floor, or a pile of dishes. You can feed yourself, but may begrudge the dishes or put them off to the next day because they are stressful, and you cannot cope with the multiple bad stimulations they give you. Or rather; you could cope, but you would spend the rest of the evening after the task rather frayed, and need to soothe rather than take care of yet more tasks for living.

4- Whatever has been bothering you is now a fairly constant issue. There is at least one thing you need to do regularly that has been seeing regular backups and delays. There may be one irregular health or career or family related task you are putting off because there is too much on your plate. You are either too busy, or your stress is eating up a lot of downtime and you are resting poorly, which means you have little time to think about things that can technically be put off.

5-- the upper end of stable, the lower end of unstable.

Many things that were not issues now are. Dishes frequently pile up, and rooms generally become less tidy. You may be bathing less.

You begin to want to stay home to avoid problems. Many previously trivial tasks seem daunting, like family dinner, seeing friends, going to school. Many stimuli that could be tolerated (doors slamming, keys, dishes clinking, florescent lights) when you were doing better, are now frequent sources of frustration. Appointments may be missed, and medications may be refilled 1-3 days late fairly regularly. Prescribed exercise is a chore, and chores in general are beginning to be dreaded.

You may feel like you are trying your best to hold things together, but that you can only bail so much water out of a sinking boat. You may be able to get to shore! Or you might not, and may enter further levels of distress. Either way, it's easier with aid. It is time to get help

6- there is generally something wrong, all of the time. You are likely tired, or in pain very often. Achieving all necessary cleaning tasks without the help of anyone at all, is beginning to feel overwhelming. You are resigned to school/work, and zone out for a fair part of it. There are more things that you need to do than you are capable of doing in the time given to complete them. Rest is barely restful; you may come home and eat a microwave meal and watch TV, then go to bed no less tired than when you arrived home.

You begin to seek lower level stimulation, and begin to remove activities that take too much effort from your life.

Chronic pains you could tolerate before, now prevent even more tasks. Your mental state is making handling the pain more difficult, and the pain is making your mental state more difficult.

Oftentimes, people at this point want to stay home. A lot of rest is needed now, but resting while stressed isn't helpful. Something external needs to happen to reduce your current stress level, to let you cope and act like normal. It is time to consider what in your environment is contributing to a negative mental state; could it be a person, loneliness, pain, abuse? Do you see the sun often, and have time to go outside?

A couple small changes here (a daily coffee routine, a bed making ritual, a weekly hangout, etc) can make a large difference in recovering.

7- you have begun to think about dying. You perhaps want it. Maybe you wish something would kill you, so you wouldn't have the guilt and shame of knowing what you did to everyone around you. You may feel a longing to disappear.

You hygiene has begun to suffer to an extent others have likely noticed.

You think about and may have occasionally harmed yourself. There is likely a routine to it, and it is likely used to soothe intense emotions.

You have likely begin to isolate from your outermost friend group. Perhaps from your extended family if you usually speak to them. You worry your mood is noticeable to your housemates, and take at least one step to hide it.

You try not to think about how you are feeling.

You may feel like you need to scream.

Many circumstances are coinciding to make your life difficult and painful. Your mind is beginning to erect rules around behaviors to prevent you from getting hurt. You may begin to flinch at loud noises or sudden motions, even if you never felt scared of them before.

Fear and dread are constant companions. You want to be rid of them. You are afraid you never will be. You dread life followed by them.

Something needs to change, soon, or things will become genuinely harmful. (Authors note: I'm not saying ideation and mild self harm aren't genuinely harmful, I mean at this stage harm is likely superficial and soothing. Read further to see the changes)

8- you need an escape. You've needed an escape. You will take whatever escape comes your way, if you can lurch past the dread.

You try smoking weed for the first time, and it relaxes you. Suddenly it's used daily.

Some of those stressors? The ones mainly put on you by other people? You don't care (you say) and allow them to fall by the wayside. A diploma is less important than surviving. Work is less important than blowing off steam. Sleep is more important than friendship.

Your hobbies at this point are almost entirely passive. It is likely you have become sedentary, and reduced how much you engage in prescribed exercise. Meds might still get filled on time, or may not. At least one appointment every two months is missed or late.

Ongoing projects and meetings in your life feel dull and fruitless. Meaningless, even.

Seeing past failures, or past incompletions, evokes an anger that is hard to admit. You may want to get rid of your old art, burn it all. You might even follow through on that, and be devastated afterwards, yet convince yourself you've achieved catharsis.

It is easier to feel anger and rage than sad and empty.

Rather than soothing emotions, self harm becomes an expression of them. It evokes an emotion, let's you really focus on what's causing it. You may want to dig into that.

You have at least one plan on how to die.

9- escape isn't enough. Relief is too little. You feel you need to start over, go away, leave. You begin to feel very distant in your relationships. You want to be present and connect, or rather, you want to want to be present.

You've been trying not to think about what's wrong for a while now.

There might be so many things wrong, you've forgotten what a green flag looks like.

You reject aid from others.

You likely do not want help.

You may want to be punished, because you feel you deserve it.

Positively reinforcing yourself into new behaviors that help you became hard a long time ago. It is almost impossible now. You degrade and deride yourself into not doing unwanted courses of action, rather than helping yourself find a wanted path.

Friendships may be struggling. Romantic relationships almost certainly are. There is never enough time to rest, do all necessary tasks, and satisfy your partner.

Even if you usually enjoy it, you may begin to resent sex.

Your self esteem is likely very low. Your confidence in your appearance is not as good as it once was.

You often stick to corners of rooms, or near exits. You begin to make sure you don't turn your back on people, quite literally, so you don't get startled.

You over analyze interpersonal interactions, and find painful meanings not present in the actors intentions.

Hygiene is very difficult, but also very helpful here. Sometimes people improve in hygiene as their mental state gets worse, even as other areas of their life decline.

Your plan to die has a mechanism.

You have access to that mechanism.

You have, at least once, had to convince yourself to not use that mechanism to die.

You might have a date.

You might have a letter.

Self harm is no longer about control. You may feel out of control in regards to your harm. You may feel you have no other way to survive than the harm. You may not want to harm, but even that isn't preventing it from happening.

Harm can be skipping breakfast, or any meal. Saying you don't deserve a treat. Routine disparagement of yourself after you fail to live up to your own expectations, as well as traditional harm.

Your emotions have only gotten here by escalating. Something is making them escalate here; most people will not get to this state in a healthy environment. You *must* analyze what has you so stressed.

Careers and schooling seem trivial.

Survival is important, for now, if only because your death is a bother for a lot of people.

10- you're ready to run away. You're ready to die. Self harming can lead to hysteria can lead to incredible self harming. You might start feeling like uncontrollably laughing spontaneously. Your bonds with the world are not near as strong as the stressors separating you from it.

You want to kill yourself.

You want to take the action that ends your life. And you know which one. And you know where you'll do it. And you know how. And you know how you'll avoid getting caught. How you'll ensure you die.

You've spent a lot of time thinking about it after all.

You're already regretting leaving your loved ones behind. You mourn this or a past version of them when you're with them, knowing what is to come.

You're beginning to ready yourself for the task.

Your anger has become wild. Even if it doesn't erupt, it roars inside you when it is triggered. You wish you could indulge it. You're distant from many emotions now. You're even more distant from expressions of them.

You may suddenly feel carefree. After so much stress, you might've genuinely started to not care. You might laugh when your parents berate you, or give extra large tips you can only questionably afford. You might start tangibly living and enjoying yourself, because you have a plan to die.

THIS IS DANGEROUS.

Someone who is suddenly unburdened after much depression, without their circumstances changing

IS IN GRAVE DANGER.

You may have perfected hiding your mental state by now. Even from yourself. It might take years to learn what all has brought you to this point.

It is very rare for someone to recover from this level of distress entirely alone.

Fear has been a constant for a long time for many people here. As well as uncertainty.

Feeling safe, and certain in stable circumstances, were the two most important first steps in me reducing my distress from lvl 10.

My face is having uncontrollable spasms. Great. It hurts really, really, really bad.

I think part of why I have trouble explaining pain to the doctor is when they ask about the pain scale I always think “Well, if someone threw me down a flight of stairs right now or punched me a few times, it would definitely hurt a lot more” so I end up saying a low number. I was reading an article that said that “10” is the most commonly reported number and that is baffling to me. When I woke up from surgery with an 8" incision in my body and I could hardly even speak, I was in the most horrific pain of my life but I said “6” because I thought “Well, if you hit me in the stomach, it would be worse.”

[v4l3nt1n3-ventz]

I feel so conflicted. I didn't grow up with bad parents but i wish i grew up with better parents. I wish i had the kinds of parents you see on TV that cared for their children and played with them. Instead i was just shoved infront of a screen and left to entertain myself. I was hit if i was bad but i was hit for things like accidentally breaking a plate or spilling water. Yet if they did those things themselves it was an accident or "no big deal". I was asked my opinion but if it was anything but positive i was yelled at for being ungrateful. If i was sad i was simply ignored or sent to my room. Out of sight, out of mind, right? No comfort, if i was left to just cry it out then everything would be ok, right? They never tried to understand my issues, always belittling them. My dad had such little patience it felt like i was walking on eggshells around him sometimes. The times i would try do something with my dad it felt like he was half there, half in the room with me and half his mind wandering, i never had his full attention. My mum was always preoccupied with something else, her attention was rarely on me. I never liked physical touch as a child and made that clear, but if i didn't give people a hug i was selfish. I should've put my own comfort last after all, silly me for thinking any differently. There were some good memories, but when i think of my childhood i think of the bad first then the good. Infact, the bad memories outweigh the good.

But hey, thats just the way they were.

Well, maybe if you told me that earlier, i would've believed you. But then my nephew was born.

My parents play with him. My parents don't yell at him for messing up, they simply clean up his mistakes. They let him get away with more then i ever could. Their making a conscious effort to eat healthier so they can be more involved in his life. They go out with him every chance they get. They eagerly facetime him everyday.

Maybe it's because it's not their kid, they can't pull the same tricks they use to, but all i can ask is why didn't i get that treatment? Why was i just pushed aside? Why was i left to my own divices? Why was i yelled at for being a kid? For having opinions? Feelings?

Now they talk to me as if nothing happened. As if they were simply flawed parents that tried their best and it was so much harder in their day so i should be grateful, i had it easy afterall. But my voice is still not heard. My dad tries to be involved in my life nowadays as if he didn't hit me or push me away as a child. Maybe he's trying to change. Maybe I'm being bitter and stubborn for not seeing that. But truth is i simply don't like talking to him. He's still short tempered and he's caused me distress before. My mum just makes fun of most the things i do, even nitpicks my appearance.

They could be worse parents. They could be better. I still care for them afterall and still respect that they raised me. It just feels like they did the bare minimum and praised themselves for it. But all i know is i wish i got the treatment that my nephew is getting. They've proved they can change, their capable of being better, so why didn't they change for me? Was i not worth it? Or were they too tired of parenthood by the time i was born?

[doebt]

maybe if i read scary stories all night ill feel better

[aetheternity]

Adventures in the Kawata twins

Disclaimer: This takes place during the present when they're all adults. This isn't an x reader persay but reader is mentioned.

Synopsis: Takemichi & Chifuyu are stuck taking care of the drunk Kawata twins. It can't be that hard they'd assumed. Though they fail to understand that the twins are dumped on them for good reason.

☆☆

"Takemichi, you plan on being a designated driver?" Draken asks as Takemichi plops into the seat next to him at their shared table.

"Yeah, I don't feel like drinking tonight." He explained with a shrug.

"Great!" Mikey exclaimed allowing his straw to slip back into the something red he'd been sucking down. "Then you can take care of the Kawata brothers." He pointed to the end of the bar where both brothers sat. Smiley swiveling back in forth in his chair while Angry just glared at all the people. Their eyes lazily hovering over the thick crowd of people.

"They're barely sipping their drinks." Takemichi scoffed

Draken snorted with a deep laugh, "For now." Though he stopped talking when Mikey elbowed him.

"Yeah ok I'll take them home later." Takemichi replied.

"Not just take them home." Mikey grunted, poking his finger out at Takemichi. "You gotta watch them!" He gestured first to Takemichi then back to the two boys at the bar.

"Ok ok sure."

How bad could they possibly get after all? They were never apart as far as Takemichi could see. Even now they were calmly sipping their drinks, Angry's feet swaying back and forth against the side of the bar stool, his face full of frustration as he played with the straw between his lips. Meanwhile Smiley began talking about something random that barely caught his brother's attention his warm smile stretched tightly against his face.

They were calm. This was gonna be fine....

An hour later~

"Where'd they go!!" Takemichi clung to Chifuyu's shoulders like they were his life support shaking the poor man like a doll.

"Well where's the last place you had them?!" Chifuyu screamed back, head darting up over the crowd trying to locate at least one of the missing twins.

"They're not lost remotes!!" Takemichi grunted

A sudden burst of clapping across the bar made Takemichi and Chifuyu whip around. A rhythm slowly forming as drunk onlookers turned to face the same direction. Suddenly a big blue tuff peaked its way over the crowd followed by a fist raising in the air and Angry's full face coming into view.

"Shit." Chifuyu cursed

Takemichi lead the rush through the crowd, Chifuyu right behind him as the two of them made their way closer to one of the rickety tables near the back corner of the bar where Angry was now pointing out into the crowd. A smile almost as big as his brother's plastered onto his face. But it had a much gentler feel to it, almost as if he did it everyday.

"You! You got what I need! Everybody!" Angry belted as he sung into an invisible mic. "But you say he's just a friend!! Now the ladies!"

"And you say he's just a friend!" Reciprocated the crowd.

"Oh God who's he singing about? Name?" Chifuyu scoffed as he held onto Takemichi's hoodie for fear of getting swept away in the crowd.

"Wait? Angry likes, Name?!"

"You must be the most oblivious person in the world to not have noticed. Even I noticed!" Chifuyu yelled over the crowd.

Takemichi sighed reaching out for the wobbly table working to keep it steady as Chifuyu went around the other side tugging at Angry's pant leg.

"And you say he's just a friend, oh baby, you-" Angry continued until Chifuyu finally managed to catch his attention. "Takemichi! Chifuyu! Hi!" He bounced on the table almost causing it to tip.

"Angry come on, let's go find your brother!"

"Ooo yeah!" He giggled like a child.

"Holy shit I didn't even know he was capable of laughing, let alone smiling." Chifuyu blinked shaking his head.

"Catch me ok!" Angry beamed

"Wait Angry!-"

Takemichi's legs folded beneath him as Angry laid on top of him. Surprisingly he wasn't that heavy, though his body weight came out of nowhere and all at once. It left Takemichi with zero breath in his lungs as an uncharacteristic Angry laid on top of him, Chifuyu's smug grin just above him.

"Thanks for the support!" Takemichi groaned in pain. With both hands Chifuyu pulled Takemichi up, helping him support Angry's weight as he wrapped the younger twins legs around his waist.

"Why-" Chifuyu gestured to the current display.

"It'll just be easier."

Angry clung to Takemichi's hoodie like a curious toddler, sticking his fingers beneath the back to play with the tag.

"Come on, we're gonna go find your brother." Takemichi soothingly rubbed Angry's back before turning to Chifuyu.

"And how do you plan on doing that?" Chifuyu asked

The sound of glass shattering a short distance away and the sounds of loud screams and grunts called the attention of almost everyone in the bar. Aside from those too busy making out or puking to see.

"I'd say follow the screaming."

They'd barely arrived on the scene but the crunches of glass underneath their shoes spoke volumes. Smiley's fists repeatedly slamming into a now completely shattered glass mirror. Blood seeping through his damaged knuckles like a punctured water bottle.

Chifuyu immediately slipped his arms under Smiley's armpits. Shaken a bit by the stoned face that stared down at the shattered mirror beneath them.

"Come on Angry we gotta go!"

"That's Smiley! This is Angry!" Takemichi yelped, shifting a distracted Angry around to look at Chifuyu.

"At this point can you blame me?! It's like we fell into an alternate dimension." Chifuyu groaned "Wait is that possible right now?"

"I don't think so!"

"Get off! This cunt is asking for it!" Smiley reached for the only part of the mirror still even slightly assembled. But before he could punch it in Chifuyu slipped an arm around his waist.

"Let's just get out of here before the cops show up!"

Even in disarray Takemichi was pleased at how much easier it had been getting the twins out of the bar then it had been finding them.

"You can still drive a bike right?" Takemichi asked as he reached into Angry's pocket for his keys. He placed a disoriented Angry on the back, trying to push his leg over the side.

"God, your knuckles are wrecked!" Chifuyu gasped astonished. Some of the glass had chipped off while some stayed wedged inside his closed fist.

"It's fine we can remove it when we get them home."

"Hey do you think Name likes that song?" Angry nodded his head, snapping his fingers to an imaginary beat. "I like the bartender, yeah if you're looking for me I'm at the bar with her!" He sung

"I'm sure it'd be just as uncomfortable for Name as it currently is for us." Chifuyu sighed "Come on get on back." He explained to Smiley.

"Fuck you."

Angry fidgeted around behind Takemichi only holding onto his waist when Takemichi physically slid his hands there. His smile deepening as he grinned along to the music he hadn't stopped singing.

After a bit more pleading Smiley plopped onto the back with his arms crossed over his chest. "Ok, now all we need to do is get them home right?" Chifuyu called over the roar of the engine and the sound of Angry still harmonizing with inaudible music.

"Actually.. I told Mikey I'd look after them for the night.."

"I hate you."

"Chifuyu, please! I can't do this without you! Once we put them to bed the rest should be easy right?"

They pulled up to a red light and for the first time tonight Takemichi could hear himself think. Yeah ok, the rest of the night really shouldn't be too difficult. The hard part was getting them out of the bar right?

"Fuck are you looking at shit stain?!" Smiley screamed to a man casually minding his business across the street.

"Angry!" Takemichi screeched

"See you did it too!" Chifuyu pointed

"Shit, I mean-"

"Huh?!" The man called turning to make eye contact with the four people in front of him.

"Can't this light change any fucking faster?!" Chifuyu yelled

"You wanna go bitch!" Smiley called

~~~~

"Smiley, please shut up!" Chifuyu was practically withering. Smiley nearly left off the bike when the man came charging forward.

In that split second the light turned green and Chifuyu sped off with Takemichi trailing just behind. A flood of nervous tears beginning to stain his face.

"You know Mikey set you up right?" Chifuyu grunted as he hauled an agitated Smiley into his and his brother's shared flat.

"I figured after looking up to see them both gone." Takemichi gasped and heaved, shutting the door behind him and Angry.

"I'm making ramen." Smiley announced, staggering off to the living room.

"No no no what you need to do is lay down. This night has been a nightmare." Chifuyu said

"You wanna go fucker." Smiley spat

"Smiley please-" Takemichi tried

"Takemichi, Michi! Look look at my Tiktok dance! You gotta watch!" Angry tugged on Takemichi's jacket sleeve with kid like hops trying to get his attention.

"Just.. I can't right now please we-"

"Why?!" Angry's outburst immediately brought quiet to the flat, the beginnings of tears brimming in the corners of his eyes.

"Shit, don't let him cry!" Chifuyu exclaimed

"Ok! Ok do the dance!"

Angry straightened, smile reappearing fully. He patted the tops of his chest, shaking his hips to nonexistent music. "You need a woman's touch in your place, just protect her and keep her safe." His arm juts out to the words he's singing, "Baby, worship my hips in ways, so feminine with grace."

Takemichi and Chifuyu blink, mouths hung in a small 'O' as they watched the awkward drunk assembly of movements matching terribly with the surprisingly on key singing. Without warning Angry clutched his knees, bile spilling from his body like a sprinkler system.

"You're in charge of Angry then." Chifuyu patted Takemichi's back as Angry continued to unleash on the once clean living room floor. Coughs escaping his drunken body. "I'll take care of.. ah shit! Where'd he go now?!"

"Maybe that's enough dancing for one night." Tiptoeing around the undigested waste Takemichi reached for Angry's arm. "Want some water?" He asked pulling a staggering Angry into the kitchen.

"There's-" Takemichi managed to get him there just in time. Angry's fingers clutching the edges of the kitchen sink as he leaned forward emptying everything in his stomach down the drain with a loud heave.

"Take your time it'll be-"

"Smiley no!" Chifuyu's voice rang across the flat. As well as the sound of multiple fragile items breaking.

What would soon follow in the next minute and a half were, a hard thud, harsh obscenities spewed one after another, and more things breaking only a couple doors away from where Takemichi was massaging Angry's head.

"Chifuyu, what's going on?!"

Chifuyu clattered out of the bathroom stumbling back and forth between both feet. "He punched me in the jaw." His thumb grazed over his jaw inspecting his hands for any sign of blood. "Do the twins have duct tape in here?"

Takemichi grabbed a paper towel dampening it before patting the sides of Angry's lips and the base of his chin where a small amount of his puke was currently leaking down.

"What do you need duct tape for?"

"Don't worry about that."

Chifuyu disappeared with the tape too quickly for further questions to be asked. Angry's smile was barely visible at this point the alcohol potentially flooding out of his system.

"Will you wash my hair Michi?" Angry pleaded with a tiny whimper.

"You should probably rest." Takemichi replied, he turned to fill a glass of water in the sink before handing it to Angry.

"Can I rest in the bathtub?"

"Why're you so violent when you drink?!" Chifuyu yelled

"Here just go to the couch!" Takemichi gestured, pushing a confused Angry back into the living room before bolting down the hall.

"What the- omg!"

"Get me some rope or some shit!" Chifuyu grunted, pulling both of Smiley's hands together.

Smiley laid beneath Chifuyu on his stomach duct tape wrapped around his mouth. His legs kicking around aimlessly as muffled noises slipped from his mouth. The shower curtain covered in blood and laid in a ball on the floor and the pole now bent in the bathtub. The window in the corner smashed in from the inside, pieces of glass littering the white tile.

I'm pretty sure this isn't what Mikey meant when he said take care of the Kawata twins!"

"Well he won't stop struggling! What else am I supposed to do?" Chifuyu gripped the duct tape, pulling it around Smiley's balled fists before ripping it with his teeth.

The sound of glass shattering in the living room brought Takemichi back down to reality. "Ok fine, just don't hurt him and clean his wounds!"

Takemichi rushed back into the living room tripping over his own two feet. His thoughts immediately scattering as he looked over the new situation. Angry's once full cup of water mixed with his vomit on the floor as the glass was now shattered in the growing mess.

"I want water.." Angry said, reaching out to Takemichi.

"Lay still on the couch and I'll bring you a new cup." He sighed

Takemichi dug around for a few seconds in the cupboard grabbing a new glass from the middle shelf. He hadn't noticed before but the Kawata twins had a gorgeous flat. That was slightly more wrecked right now. But it was clean and gorgeous almost to the point where it looked brand new.

He reached for the faucet, positioning it to fill the glass with hot water before turning it upside down to empty the glass. The water splashed against his disheveled black hoodie dampening it a little more than the sweat of this night already had. When he refilled the glass it was with cold water turning the sink top off and walking back over to Angry's kid like wonder stare on the edge of the couch.

"This house has big ceilings." Angry pointed, mouth agape.

"Yup, here." Takemichi transferred the water to Angry's open hands. He got down on one knee untying Angry's shoelaces, slipping his shoes off his feet before placing them next to the head of the couch.

"Wish I lived here." Angry nodded softly, kicking his socked feet as he sipped the cool water in the glass that had been placed in his hands.

"Lay back ok."

A deep "oof" caught Takemichi's attention as he looked to a staggering Chifuyu, pulling Smiley along like a police officer arresting a perp.

"Ok, from this point on I need to be paid." He grunted

"What happened to your face?" Takemichi gestured to the gushing bruise on Chifuyu's forehead. Blood beginning to leak down the sides of his face.

"What do you think happened? He fucking headbutted me." Chifuyu rubbed the blemish with one hand.

For the first time all night Smiley finally tapped out. Collapsing onto the floor in a small ball. One shoe kicked off God knows when. Hair a disorganized tumbleweed atop his head.

"What do you think Name would think of this song?" Angry bounced in his seat spilling water into his lap.

"Oh God please no more singing!" Chifuyu huffed in exasperation.

Takemichi can already see the crease of Angry's eyebrows and the quiver of his bottom lip. "What he means is we'll hear it tomorrow because you need sleep."

A folded blanket laid on the top of the couch and Takemichi reached for it. He shook it out before placing it over Angry's descending shoulders. Slowly the comfort of falling asleep began to rise on Angry's face. Eyelids heavy and face falling into warm ease.

"You promise?" He questioned as he laid his head on the arm rest.

"Yes bright and early tomorrow."

"Night." He whispered and less than a minute later he was fast asleep just like his brother.

For the next couple minutes Takemichi worked to clean the blood off Chifuyu's face, arms and a couple other places.

"Geez he did a number on you."

"On me, on the bathroom, on that mirror in the bar." Chifuyu listed off as Takemichi walked back to the living room leaving him to pat his bruise.

"But you did do a great job bandaging his hands."

"Uh huh."

Takemichi reached up to his face squeezing the bridge of his nose and the lids of his eyes. Chifuyu came up to his side as the blonde gestured to Smiley. "You're not gonna leave him like that are you?"

"You're right we should put a blanket on him." Chifuyu nodded, shaking his finger in front of Takemichi.

"I meant untie him!" Takemichi followed as Chifuyu went into the first available bedroom.

"Fine, once we get them both pills and clean up we can leave."

"Are you insane! Did you forget my bruises? If he wakes up at anytime before the sun and attacks it's your problem." Chifuyu snagged a blanket off the top of the bed slinging it over his shoulder.

"Why didn't we just put them in their beds?" Takemichi groaned

"It's too late they're already asleep just let it go." Chifuyu huffed

Takemichi followed Chifuyu back into the living room. With both hands he opened the blanket fully before letting it lay flat over Smiley's now relaxed figure.

"One you're insane if you think I'm going home. It's almost three am and watching these two for one night has given me nice horror stories to tell Mitsuya next time he talks about his sisters. Two I was dead serious about needing payment especially now if I'm gonna be spending hours cleaning."

~~~~

Morning came sooner than Takemichi would've liked. The sun blared through the window like the worst alarm. He squinted covering his eyes with one hand before shifting on the floor with the blanket he'd pulled from Souya's closet.

Before he could reexperience restful slumber a couple faint knocks had him tossing aside the blanket entirely. Yanking the door open with a low 'what' from the depths of his fatigue.

"Morning to you too." Draken's voice brought him back.

"Heyo Takemichy." Mikey grinned proudly

"How was last night?" Draken asked as Mikey entered the flat ahead of him.

Though the question really didn't need to be verbally answered as the image of Smiley laying on the ground with duct tape over his mouth and a half kicked away blanket revealing his taped up arms. The smell of puke still slightly thick in the hot apartment and the blood all over Chifuyu's jacket spoke louder than words.

Even with sleep still in the midst of Chifuyu's eyes he turned to Mikey and Draken standing behind him.

"Never a fucking gain." He pointed aimlessly, eyelids dashing over his eyes to properly bring the beauty of sight back to him.

Smiley rolled over, or half way over immediately awakening when he realized he was tied up. His head jerked towards Chifuyu with mumbled questions.

"Hold on."

"FUCK!" Smiley's grin was back full force. The edges of his eyebrows twitching, voice echoing through the flat. The unnecessary roughness at which Chifuyu had ripped away the tape showed off some prominent reddening just below his nose.

"Ah!" Angry nearly flew off the couch with the way he sat up immediately falling back into the pillow behind him. Clutching his head with both arms. "Who's being loud." He groaned

"We figured we owed you guys breakfast for taking care of the twins last night." Draken remarked amusement creeping onto his face.

"And this is way less than I was expecting. No cops or anything." Mikey nodded

"What happened to my fists!" Smiley grinned crazily

"Everyone stop talking!" Angry grit

"Take the twins out." Chifuyu said "I'm going home to sleep."

"Ditto to that." Takemichi yawned

[sunlessea]

kindred of their kind are not rare on the surface, but their numbers were in the tens here in london  :  it doesn't shock them that he is caught off guard, mortal human is he  ...  or, rather, was he. they take note of it, the slight changes in his physicality as he props himself up for his little toddler tantrum. his ears, marginally pointed, his teeth, sharper, as if he had been embraced, but there is no kindred blood running through his veins. they lean back in their chair, expression of their mask naturally unchanging at his expected outburst. clearly, they'd been anticipating it, manchild that he oft could be, but if anything, they seem to be taking it as opportunity to examine him, leg crossing one over the other. their cane, then is left 'gainst the seat, hand resting under their beak. his eyes, they notice, are swimming with an explosion of color as he snaps at them, all desperation and vitriol. from purple to orange do his irises shift, and they hum 'neath their breath as they take note of this.

fascinating.

"rotten, you claim, and yet you've given it away to the fae dancing through your dreams. tsk, tsk, tsk. you broke your own ruuuules, solaris astaseul."  their tongue clicks, hand raising to make a tick-tock motion with their finger.  "what was it, your philosophy? ah, yes, how stupid it is to fall in love, to give another such open access to betray you. you should be careful, little dove. how you see your heart affects how others see it, too. and you are not the only one who wears that rotten, worm-riddled black hole on your chest."  now he'll have to get his carpet professionally cleaned, on top of it all. he's making a right fool of himself, and if only he could hear everyone who stands in this room laughing at him for it.

they do not always understand what whispers are spoken to them, that is true, but they are enraptured in this story. he has managed to do something that very few manage since coming to the neath, they think  :  he has surprised them. of rabbit holes and wonderlands, this tale is spoken to them, and although they cannot process all of it, they do think they know what he is going to ask before he does. another voice, softer, mournful, murmurs to them now, voice muffled against his own as he speaks, and the doctor cannot help but hum. his eyes lose their brutish purple, fade to the golden of a dandelion, and they wonder if he is even aware, himself, that it is happening.  "you'd best start believing in fairytales, it seems. you've fallen into one. a modern day love story, is it? my, mr. pages will be thrilled. and more than your life, you say? well, now you'll have my attention, if not only for the curiosity of whom could have possibly eaten your pride and spit it back out, so."  at some point during all of this, they'd emptied their teacup, and now they're spinning it around on their finger, weightlessly.

even had he asked for an answer, they'd not have given it to him, of course. they uphold the masquerade, lips quirked in a subtle smile behind their mask that he cannot see, fangs bared, but the laughter in their voice is monotone when filtered through their mask.  "the faerie queen, he says! carisma astaseul, your lovely cressida, amadeu, the bandersnatch, every name under the sun and still none can agree on one! your muse is always closer to your canvas, your heart that is, than you think, once child of man. i'm no fae, of course, lest you make assumptions. my trade is secrets, that is true, but i am not capable of reading your memories, though wouldn't that make my job easier? you can sit across from me and mourn the loss of your second soul all you would like, i will need more information than your wallowing. i'm wonderful at what i do, but there are plenty of people in london who look terribly alike. i'm sure you can  ...  paint a picture of what this lover of yours looks like, seeing as you love them so dearly you are willing to die for them. isn't that ironic? ' why would you ever put your life at risk for another, '  the leader of the unflinching order once believed so fervently,  ' when they would not even deign to appreciate your efforts at the end of it. ' do you believe that carisma will appreciate you, solaris?"

they scoff, suddenly stopping turning the cup to grip it in their palm.  "very well. i will afford you yet another favor, if you are prepared to make a blood oath in exchange. i intend on collecting my due from you, and quite a large sum of one, when all is said and done, but i've no interest in pathetic aspirations of godhood, rest easy. information given on your beloved, of course, does not count as part of the exchange of secrets when that, naturally, is required information. how generous of me, and how so very romantic of you. understood?"

certainly, if he felt he were able to handle matters on his own—to scour every inch of the sunken city, in between every darkened corner where even the faintest gaslight could not reach on the hunt for his beloved—he would. to hunt like trappers might, were he not so weak, had he any trust in his own disciples to aide him, but alas. he is in no position to be searching for anything except the comfort of his bed and the indent he's left 'pon it in whatever state his consciousness left him. searching on his own posed too much risk, would draw too much attention were he not painstakingly careful : and more important than that, it would take too much precious time. he is equally certain that they are aware of this, too, even as he sets his jaw tight, crosses his legs at the ankles, leaning into his lap with fingers laced as a means to steel himself against whatever madness they leave for him to decipher, as they so often tend to do.

he expects madness, requests made in riddle for him to puzzle out on his own. what he does not expect, is praise made towards his own private matters. for how long he'd been gone, he would know they had no hold in wonderland! what secrets could they possibly pry short of the band cold 'gainst his hand, he'd nary spoken to a soul since his return, and none had he made privy to his most well-kept secret. expected is it then, when he is burning from ear to ear, red with both embarrassment and violent rage, standing only to slam both hands against the table between them. " and what would you know of where i've been? " his own teacup spills before it rolls, shatters onto the ground next to his feet. he can do little more than shout, then, he needs them still, more than he needs a mask. " of my life, my heart? you know as well as the rest that it is rotten! and beyond it, you decide when i am in no position to barter, to use my life's work for your own! " they cannot surely say they did not see this coming, his heel coming down onto the glass' broken pieces and grinding them into the floor. " the kindness of your heart, worm-riddled it is; it's as black as my own. it is answers you owe me, be grateful i am offering to return anything at all! "

for as quick as he is to anger, they are both aware that he can do little else but bark. snap, seethe—but settle in the end, and settle he does, where he collapses back into his seat, takes a rag to wipe his fingers clean where they'd been burned. it stings, and he's humiliated, but he is allowed his emotions. painfully in tune with them as he'd become. it takes a moment, before he speaks again, lips curled into a scowl. he cannot meet where their eyes would be, in the admission that follows between his muttered curses. " more than my life ... is generous. " they look at him so intently, their voice without it's usual mockery, and he knows, he knows, it is but the second greatest promise he would make. the first ... reserved only for the one he seeks. he keeps the cloth held between his hands, gives him something to hold onto, somewhere to displace the tension he holds in his shoulders. " how you discovered it, i hardly know. in the moment the answer does not matter, but know still i will demand it. it is ... " he doesn't know how to describe them, concisely : refuse as he does to call them the nightmare they were borne from. " ...the faerie queen i seek, my spouse, my lover, whatever song and dance you choose to slight me with i would ask you to do as much before you go, 'fore at its present it is a long story with no satisfying conclusion. they are meant to come here, all i want then, is them found. easy for you, yes? there are no paths i will not walk, no ends i will not meet, to see them found safe and returned to me. it is more than my life i would suffer to lose. i am in your debt, already, i will owe you a great deal more after this. it is hardly servitude, but ... " a wave of the hand, an exhausted sigh. he knows what he's roping himself into, to some degree, it seems. " ...whatever you ask, i'll give. take my life, my work, my names, my godhood when i reach it. so long as they are home with me, i do not care what i lose. "

[gillianthecat]

NaClYoHo Day 5

I did not end up doing the dishes yesterday after all; I decided not to even try because I kept getting coughing fits whenever I stood up. But I did them this morning, despite really not wanting to. I wasn't too tired, I'd just kind of lost the momentum of doing things and the novelty of being sick was wearing off. But getting the dishes done felt good, and I looked out the window at the misty rain on my neighbor's roofs and the distant orange and green trees and at the water droplets on the spiderweb in my window frame, and it was all very pretty.

I still had some energy after the dishes so I wanted to go for a walk but then I decided to fold my clothes from the drying rack first. And I did it! I didn't put them away, mostly because my dresser situation is chaos right now and that felt overwhelming, but I did put them in tote bags to carry upstairs when I have the energy.

And then I did go for a walk in the not quite rain. When I went to Ireland when I was five they called this kind of weather "soft out" (or so the family story goes, I haven't checked if this is true) so that's what my family always calls it. It also felt really nice; sometimes I forget I how good it feels being outside when I'm holed up in bed for a long time. I walked to the end up the patio, checked my energy levels and then decided I could go further and so made it about halfway down the block (which is the equivalent of a whole normal block, my block is very long), and decided it was time to go back. According to my magic watch, about 450 steps altogether, lol. But that's more than I had the energy for yesterday.

I've been complaining on here about being sick a lot but that's because I'm enjoying feeling like I can complain about it. Usually when I'm stuck in bed for a long time it's because my ADHD brain is refusing to do anything else and there's so much shame and embarrassment around it. So being forced to do nothing because of physical illness feels wonderful in a way. It's not my fault I'm not doing anything! My body is to blame! I have no choice but to lie here and watch my shows! I physically can't do the dishes right now!

So I am a little anxious now that I'm on the mend about getting back into cleaning. And I have a hard time evaluating my capabilities to do things even at the best of times. But I do think I can honestly say, based on my physical energy levels and not just my ADHD desire to shirk work, that I still can't do that much. Therefore the plan for today, beside the now typical doing dishes and keeping trash contained, will be to do more loads of hang-dry only laundry (enough to fill the drying racks) because a) I have a lot to get through, and b) it's convenient to have it hanging up now when I can't do other cleaning so it's not in the way. Even though drying is slow on a wet rainy day like today. And then, only if I still have energy, maybe a load of dryer-able clothes because that is low mental effort.

🔲 dishes

✔ replace trash can bag in room

✔️ keep trash contained

✔️ gather two loads worth of hang-dry laundry

✔️ wash first load

✔️ wash second load

✔️ hang first load

✔️ hang second load

bonus round:

✔️ wash regular load

✔️ dry regular load

✔ fetch and fold clothes

But I'm going to rest a little more before starting any of that - watch this weeks ep of Big Dragon and drink some hot chocolate.

afternoon addition: well, gathering the laundry and carrying it downstairs was exhausting. So I'm not going to do the bonus round, but i will attempt to wash and hang everything already down there. Should be doable even if tiring.

evening addition: i had momentum and the laundry basket was right there ready to go so I ended up doing it. even though i got exhausted folding it I'm glad I did; it's so satisfying to a) have it done and b) replace the boxes with check marks.

[stuckybarton]

Sucker For Pain i

SUMMARY: You were new to the team, but what everyone didn't know was you weren't so new to the God of Mischief. CHARACTERS: Loki Laufeyson x Ex!Reader [Ex to Lovers again?] WARNINGS: Profanities. Suggestive Themes. Slight Angst and horrible self-image. Grammar Mistakes. English not being my first language. [Not Beta’d tho] WORDS: 2,956 CHAPTERS: [1/3] A/N; Life happened and yeah, didn’t have much time to write. Not my best work for this mini-series, but I’m fighting through for this. Hope you guys enjoy~

PART TWO | PART THREE

MASTERLIST || Join the Taglist

"Agent Y/N Y/L/N." You introduced yourself the first moment you were escorted into the compound by Director Nick Fury. Multiple sets of faces both new and old had come to greet you. For a moment you wouldn't even believe that this is was the new life you would find yourself to be a part of from now on.

Years in the job for SHIELD before disappearing off the grid to get as much information about HYDRA, everyone had thought you had betrayed them and you had accepted that they would think so lowly of you after all the near-deaths you had to endure on the job. Even with the mission becoming more of a death wish, you had accepted the role Nick had given you all those years ago and now you were rewarded, immensely. A spot on the Avengers as part of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

The familiar face of Nat was the first to greet you with a hug. A fiercely tight one, it had been so long since you've seen a friend. Then your eyes fell towards the rest of the team; Bucky Barnes, who you had a few close encounters with during your time with HYDRA. You had witness everything they had done to him and stood on trail to clean his name. Steve Rogers, who, with Sharon Carter, had assisted in guarding Steve while SHIELD was still under HYDRA's control. But among the familiar faces, one stood out the most.

Loki Laufeyson.

To many, the man was a snake, a God that had once brought death and destruction in New York. But to you, he was different, this was the man that you had spent your lonely nights with while under the guise of a traitor. It had once just been a physically thing between the two of you, neither wanting to know about each other's lives. You knew he was a God, a man that had wronged the world, but he had never known about you, the woman that had painted yourself as a traitor for the better of the world. The one that had been called every name on the book for the sake of making sure you did your part right.

Then it got serious between the two of you. Admission of love was told between both of your lips. But it was dangerous for you two to be together especially when you were already told by Fury that you can come back to the surface. You didn't know what side he was on, and you did not have the heart to make him choose if the time would come.

So you two parted. A month ago. The pain still throbbing you like an unattended bullet hole right through your heart. It was still so painful to look at him and not remember him crumbling on his knees begging you to stay. The first sob that escaped his lips and forever haunted your dreams. A never-ending loop in the back of your head as your demons screamed at you for breaking an already broken man.

"I for one am happy you're finally here. Another woman to add to an already Man's Man world in the compound." Nat teased glancing towards the other individuals that had come to know the new face. "With introductions out of the way, you've got a lot of explaining to do for the past few years."

You could only smile at your friend. You did have so much to explain to her, things had been murky between you and Clint, but after everything, Nat had refused to believe you would betray them, betray her, and it was finally a relief to be able to return back home, seeing the people that mean the most to you.

"Tell me about it." You muttered allowing Nat to quickly pull your away from the crowd, but it missed your eyes how he was still looking. Ice blue eyes a contract to the burning gaze he had towards you.

Forget about him. Forget about him. You were here for a new opportunity. No him. Never him.

For the next few weeks, everyone had grown to accept you in your new role as part of the Avengers. You kept up with Steve, Bucky, and Sam during their runs. Sam more than happy to finally have someone that had the same pace as him, but only for you to laugh and out run him just to get a reaction out of the high flier. Tony and Bruce had also found a kinship in you, having provided them enough information about HYDRA's experiments and location made most of their missions easier. Then there was Nat and Clint, your confidant in this new life. Every single moment that was not dedicated to a mission was spent with them; may it be movie night or a simple get together outside the compound, often times bringing Wanda and Vision along just to mess with you and call you a 5th wheel of the group.

But among number of members on the team, everyone had noticed you constantly avoided one Thor Odinson and one Loki Laufeyson. The only real time you would even dare talk to either of the brothers would be during training--other than that, you tried your best to avoid them, Loki most especially. Every single moment that would force the two of you to be in the same room, Loki had a glare while you tried your best to avoid his gaze.

Everyone noticed, everyone didn't seem to worry too much. It comes with having a former-villain part of the team. They thought you would eventually get used to the God's presence just as much as they did.

"You ever gonna tell me what's going on between you and Loki?" Nat inquired avoiding your punch.

What you hated the most about sparring with Nat was her capability of multitasking. Talking and snooping about someone else's business while also kicking their ass in the process--this was the predicament you were in right in this very moment.

"Nothing is going on." You muttered landing back first on the mat after being thrown like a rag doll by Nat. Eyes looking at the ceiling, you wondered if it was a good idea to actually come clean to her about her past with the God of Mischief. "I know what he's done to New York and I think you can't blame me for taking precaution when it comes to him."

Nat now comes hovering on top of you, the narrowed eyes and gentle smirk was all you needed to know--she knew it was bullshit. But when she had stopped pushing you for more information, it was enough for you to just change the subject.

"They found Dominic?" You inquired. One of the first big missions that everyone was focusing on was one of the leading Scientist for HYDRA. With the exposure of HYDRA to the world, some of them had moved away and found themselves in much shadier company, much to everyone's radar now spiking.

Dominic Wagner was, in part, partially responsible for the Winter Soldier program in the modern era. One of the pioneers in moving the project into a much younger sets of test subjects. You lost contact with the man as soon as your got back into the surface, but it had also meant a target was on your back when they found out you were a double agent.

"He's in Russia. Wasting away all the funding for the program with parties" Nat points out. "Still a better way to spend the money that abducting kids everywhere."

You nodded, memories of files upon files for the prospects still haunted you to this day.

"When are you taking him out?" You inquired. In your time with the SHIELD, the red in both of your ledger had made you two a hot commodity if the situation present itself as shoot to kill. Neither of you would hesitate. You knew you would now, after everything, but if it means one less bad people in this earth, you would swallow your new morals.

"Fury wants him alive." She pointed out finally standing back up to her own two feet, leaving you on your back, staring at the ceiling in deep thought. "I know as much as you do, we want him dead for everything he has done, but we need him alive so we can get the others."

You nodded, this was one of the few things you had to get used to as part of the team. Death was best solution in SHIELD--at least in your team, not here. As long as you were part of Steve's team, you would need to choose whether or not killing would be the best option. Hope that you weren't so blessed to be given in your time under.

"I get a first shot when we don''t have any use of him anymore." You muttered finally standing back up with Nat's help. Steps faltering at the sight of the God of Mischief, training with the likes of Peter Parker, Sam Wilson, and Bucky Barnes. A weird mix up, but wasn't hard to understand why.

"Why don't you shoot your shots with him for now." Nat teased, finally making you break from staring at the plain black shirt and green sweatshort-clad Loki Laufeyson. "If we try to ignore the death count during his attack, he is sort-of your type in men." Nat wiggled her brows. quick to avoid you as you attempted to swat her in the ass, eyes now turned away from God and his training partners.

"By type, you mean psychotic with possible Daddy-issue? Then you might just be right." You snort.

"I'm offended you think of me as such, Darling"

Jerking your head to the owner of the voice, how the hell did he sneak up behind you without you noticing. You glanced at Nat in panic and like the traitor that she was, made a terrible excuse of being needed in Bruce's lab. Now being left in the man's presence, you could all but remember the last time you had been this close to the man.

Heartbreaks.

Words that you didn't mean.

Words that he didn't mean.

It still hurt you, and you were sure it hurts him just as much, if not more now, finally realizing why there had been a need for a breakup between the two of them all those weeks ago.

"Here I thought I would have someone to trust. You mortals continue to disappoint me." He hissed.

Your eyes glanced at the other training trio, noticing all three of them were in their own little world to even noticed what was going on between the two of them.

"Tell me, Darling..." He whispered, head leaning towards the shell of your ears. The familiar shiver run through your skin as just his voice. Memories of the very things his silver tongue had whispered had you flustered and breathless, more than from your earlier training with Nat. "Was it satisfying to play with a God?"

Before you could even mutter a word, his constantly gentle hand now covered your jaw, emitting a squeak from your lips and stopping you from saying a word. He was never this forceful, nor did he do anything that would hurt you. Was this the true nature of the man you had finally thought you have been the best part of you. To have loved a man that everyone was right to stay away from?

"Or is it shame finally coming to you, to be ever involved with someone like me?"

You tried to pry his hand away from you, but he was too strong--stronger than you could ever think of being.

"Or is this you taking your opportunity to move from one bed to another? Who will it be this time, Y/N? My oaf of a brother or will it be Soldier out of time? Who will you whore this time?"

And you finally snapped. With a resounding slap, all three individuals had heard your attack on the man and Loki finally releasing his hold on your jaws. A chuckle escaped his lips and only brought the first line of tears to fall from your eyes. You never wanted to believe him to be a monster, but here he was, proving her wrong.

"I am in doubt of the foundation of our relationship for the past years, Y/N. I am the God of Mischief and Lies and the only mortal I had ever truly opened to had done this to me. Lied to me for such a long time, lied about the entirety of our relationship."

"You will never understand."

"Oh no," he chuckled darkly, eyes glaring straight into your own. "I understand well enough to know, you would never love someone like me and I deserve every lie and heartache I am enduring because of everything I have ever done in my past."

Before you could defend yourself and the genuinity of your relationship with the God, he had made his excuse. Leaving you to ponder of the true damage of your breakup with Loki, and the aftermath it had now held for the both of you. He was right, you had lied, and either way, their relationship will fall apart because of those lies.

He was the God of Mischief and Lies.

Yet, he did not expect for this biggest lie to break him the most. The separation had been painful, he had always hoped for a better life with you. Then a month passed since your breakup, he sees you, it hits him like a sharp knife to the chest all over again. He experience the pain of a stab to the chest, but it would never compare to the pain of seeing you in this very compound with the truth of your life that you refused to ever open to him.

This was karma coming to haunt him it seems.

It had been well over a week now since the first time he had actually confronted you about everything. It wasn't how he planned for things to go through. He never wanted to hurt you, but he was a monster after all. A monster that his own father had told his people to avoid. A bedtime story to scare mischievous kids into submission.

He had always thought after everything he had to endure, had to do, had to escape, he could finally live a peaceful life. A life to finally start anew. A life where he could finally change for the best. A mortal woman had made him make those ideas come into reality, you had always became the reason why he would never have his redemption in life.

A bitter idea with no possible resolution.

How could he have ever believed that anyone would ever love someone like him? After everything he had ever done, he was never allowed to be loved. You had proved that somehow.

'Mr. Laufeyson, you are needed for a meeting with the team'

Breaking from his little bubble. He sighed finally returning back to reality, into the little comforts the library could give him. The week had been gruelling for him, three individual witnessed the altercation between himself and you. It had spread like wildfire, but thanking the Gods that no one was able to listen to the conversation.

He had to endure most of the questioning. In everyone's eyes, he was, after all, still under everyone's constant scrutiny. A man that no one could trust. But he refused to say a single word knowing you did the same thing. It was better to keep your mouth shut instead of letting people know exactly what had happened. Somehow that brought a smile on his face. He might not share a future with you, but might as well make the most out of making your life a living hell, as much you did it to him.

Shutting the book he was barely even reading, he placed the book back into the shelf before walking his way towards the meeting room.

He could easily teleport, but he preferred to enjoy his moments of peace without his oaf of a brother breathing down his neck or Stark constantly testing his patience with his quips. It also gave him a moment to school his features, he knew well enough about the mission to know you would also be in attendance. Be more invested in this mission than anyone else.

It was a few things he was relearning about you now that you were out in the open as everyone claims you to be. You were a free spirited being that could meld with anyone you were in the area with. He had watched you throw relentless jabs at Tony during your first few days that had the man surprisingly raise a white flag. But the most dangerous thing he had to learn was the familial relationship you had with one Natasha Romanoff and Clint Burton, two people that he kept his distance with the most.

"Professor Snape has finally graced us with his presence."

Loki has learned since joining the team to choose his battle when it comes to Tony. This was one of those moment. Finding a vacant chair besides his brother, he had taken his seat. A big mistake on his part as he finds from across the table, you sat. In between a glaring Romanoff and Barton.

Wearing a smirk, just to get on the two super spies' nerve, he turned his attention right back into the meeting. He begins formulating a few little schemes to not only get on the two's nerved, but most especially yours.

[dinosaurtsukki]

solitude | fyodor dostoevsky x gn!reader

part 3 of broken, continuation of savior

summary: for the first time in a long time, you're free of fyodor with him in prison. however, you find yourself wondering if this is what you truly want

word count: 1.1k words

contains: stockholm syndrome-ish (depending how you look at it), slight manipulation

anon: Hi ! First, I hope that you’re okay, I wanted to tell you that your work is soooo great, I really support you. Then I wanted to ask you if you could write a part 3 of « broken ». I really loved « broken » and « savior », you are very talented.

a/n: ahh i'm so flattered but thank you !! broken was actually my first fyodor fic so i'm surprised people like it and asked for a sequel. i was kind of on the fence with how to end this series because y/n and fyodor's dynamic is a bit complicated but i hope it came across here!

you're loathe to admit it, but every time you heard a doorbell ring or a knocking on the door, you hope that it's fyodor finally returning home.

it had been more than two weeks since fyodor had enacted his master plan using cannibalism to get the port mafia and armed detective agency to turn against each other. you weren't completely privy to all the details of fyodor's plan or the bigger organization he was working for, but he did let you know that being sent to jail was a part of it.

"you're free to use this space, especially since the special division and armed detective agency are cracking down on the rats of the house of the dead," fyodor told you one night.

"is that so?" you raised an eyebrow at him. "i see you're playing favorites then."

"you've only noticed my favoritism now?" fyodor chuckled. you found it almost funny in hindsight how your relationship had evolved from him manipulating you to playful banter between the two of you.

"you won't be seeing me for a long time," he hummed, absentmindedly twirling a piece of your hair with his index finger. it had become a habit of his that you didn't find entirely unwelcome. "should i leave you a little souvenir so you don't miss me?"

"you're already leaving me your place," you scoffed, waving a hand at him. "that's enough. i have to lay low for the next couple of weeks too."

"that would be advisable," fyodor nodded, letting go of your hair and sitting a little farther from you on the sofa. you hated that you almost wanted to move a little closer. "i've made sure to take care of my tracks. they shouldn't inspect this place."

"alright," you said, paused, before adding "thank you."

the next morning, he was gone before you even woke up. aside from the emptiness of the apartment, you were left with an ambiguously melancholic feeling.

now, he was gone and you had more than enough room to breathe. if you wanted to, you could even finally run away after making sure the coast was clear. but you had already established a while ago that there was more benefit to you staying with fyodor.

maybe the decision you were grappling with was whether or not you actually missed fyodor.

'impossible,' you thought, physically shaking your head as if trying to correct yourself. and despite what you told yourself, there could only be one explanation as to why you frequented fyodor's study so much and took care to wipe his cello case clean every night.

in fact, you began staying in the study more often each day. the desk was as neat as fyodor had left it with his laptop and several files and books stacked neatly on the table. one book in particular, caught your eye.

"the complete collection of t.s. eliot poems," you read aloud. suddenly, you remembered one of the first time you and fyodor had talked in the library, back when you were just a college student and he was just a handsome stranger.

of course, you could tell that the placement of this book could only be deliberate. "of course you'd leave something for me," you spoke out loud, as if he could hear. carefully, you opened the book and found a space neatly cut into the middle of the pages and a flash drive embedded inside.

...

"well, if this isn't quite ironic."

fyodor doesn't look surprised at all to see you standing in front of his jail cell. in fact, it looks as if he had been patiently waiting for you all this time. and that's because he has.

"you couldn't have left your escape plans in a more obvious place?" you sighed at him.

"but that was obvious," fyodor blinked innocently at you. "i knew you would find it at the right time."

did he know you'd be spending most of your time in his study? it was embarrassing to be known that well but you read intently through the plans he had encoded in the flash drive. you couldn't believe what fyodor was asking of you this time because surely he overestimated your abilities.

"couldn't you have asked someone else, someone more capable, to do this for you?" you asked him.

"what for? i have complete confidence in you," fyodor smiled. he was dressed in the white clothes all the other prisoners wore. you could tell that he had lost quite a bit of weight due to his stay and both of his hands were cuffed. and yet, he looked absolutely delighted at seeing you.

and that gave you a deep sense of satisfaction.

you pressed a hand to the bulletproof glass of his jail cell. "remember that night? when you broke me out of jail?"

"of course i do," fyodor hummed, leaning back and closing his eyes as he savored the memory. "that was sloppy work on your part. anyone could tell that you had an ulterior motive to get yourself caught."

"yeah, yeah. i'm aware," you rolled your eyes.

"ah, but look at you now," fyodor cocked his head. 'you've changed,' was on the tip of his tongue and you could only agree. even if fyodor wrote up the plans for his escape, you were still the one who snuck into the facility and incapacitated more than a few security guards to break him out.

who would have thought this is where you'd end up?

you keyed in the passcode on the door before stepping inside the jail cell. fyodor held his cuffed wrists out to you and you sighed and crouched down in front of him.

"you couldn't have at least picked the lock on your cuffs?"

"i'd rather you do it for me," fyodor smiled at you.

you didn't even need to be told twice. he was the one who had taught you this skill after all and your fingers worked quickly at the lock. of course, you were aware of fyodor intently staring at you and the way his fingers brushed at the inside of your wrist. finally, the lock clicked open and his metal cuffs fell away.

"finally. they tightened those a bit too much," fyodor sighed, rubbing the red marks on his wrists.

"you must have said something to offend them, like always," you emphasized.

"how was i to know they were going to be offended?" he scoffed as the two of you practically strolled out of the jail cell and into the hallway. "i assume you've been enjoying your time alone at the apartment."

"the silence was definitely a plus. although admittedly..." you trailed off and caught fyodor's glance. "i do miss the sound of your playing."

"is that so?" he chuckled amusedly and flexed his wrists. "i'm out of practice but, i think i can arrange something for you when we get home."

you nodded with a bemused smile on your face. "when we get home."

▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂

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[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

Selfish Part 2

Pairings | Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x f!reader (kind of?)

Warnings | angst, crying, swearing

Word count | 1669

Summary | y/n and Bucky struggle to deal with Steve's selfish choice

A/n | I'm thinking of writing a part three? Let me know if you'd want to see that!l

Masterlist | Part One | Part three

"Oh god," Bucky groaned the second he entered y/n's room, lifting his arm to cover over his nose teasingly as he walked in, "you know I love you, Doll, but it's starting to smell as if something's died in here." Bucky over exaggerated, pacing quickly to the windows and pushing them open.

The man let out a long sigh when he finally faced y/n after she made no response. He was so used to her quipping back to his and Sam's jokes that the past week felt as if y/n was gone, too. And in lots of ways, she was.

It had been a week since Steve left, and y/n hadn't moved much since. Bucky had sat down at a table three times a day with her, refusing to leave until she finished her meal and a cup of water. But apart from that, she'd done nothing but stare into space.

As much as he was still grieving, Bucky was used to this. Losing people, that is - not his best friend leaving him and their girl for someone they loved 70 years ago. No, he was out of his area of expertise on that one. But Bucky was used to losing the people he loved. And by now, he'd managed to cut his dazed and broken phase of grieving to a few days, so by now he was only really upset at night.

That's when he would cry into his pillow, feeling more and more alone. Sam was still running missions; just because aliens had invaded didn't mean any human threats had warned off.

It'd been him and y/n for a week in the compound, and it was now that Bucky realised that the girl hadn't even been capable of washing herself. Yikes, she was taking this bad.

"C'mon, Doll. You gotta shower at some point. Or I could run you a bath?" Bucky suggested, huffing another long sigh when y/n looked straight through him. Bucky's jaw clenched and he carded a hand through his hair, blowing out a deep breath before putting on a kind face.

The next thing y/n new, she was sat in the shower. She vaguely remembered Bucky throwing her over his shoulder and walking swiftly to the bathroom, telling her how she still needed to look after herself even though Steve was gone.

God, those words hurt. As in that Steve was gone, of course. Although Bucky telling her she needed to actually clean herself every-now-and-then because she smelt like somebody had died stung a little, it didn't hurt her.

The water pricked at her skin, slates of chilling droplets pelting down on her. She'd been sat there long enough for the water to run cold and her thoughts to run dry.

The only thing y/n could picture was Steve's lifeless body. His eyes void of life, that amused sparkle that'd glint beneath the baby blue when he'd tease her, make a joke, burnt out into emptiness. The bright smile that used to grace his lips when he'd see y/n the fist time after a mission, no matter the length, gone.

She'd also thought about how he died. Did Thanos murder him himself? Had he been saving someone? Did one of Thanos' cronies get to him? Did he fall, or get crushed? The possibilities were endless, but one thing was certain: Steve was gone.

A soft rasp of knuckles against the bathroom for momentarily pulled y/n out of her daze, her red eyes shifting upwards for a moment as she followed the noise with her sight through the steamed-over glass shower door.

"Doll? You haven't drowned, have you?" Bucky's gentle voice sang from the other side. Y/n could physically feel her muscles relaxing at the sound of his thick voice, her mind relaxing, too. Although she hadn't spoken in days, it didn't mean she didn't want Bucky to talk to her.

No, it was quite the opposite, really. Y/n was thankful for Bucky's mindless chatter and conversations, his caring questions and constant check-ups. It grounded her, gave y/n a reason for still being here if someone wanted her company.

Sighing, the girl pulled herself to her feet. She stumbled out of the shower, having to poke her head back in and turn the water off after forgetting initially. She picked up the fluffy towel that Bucky had left folded up for her and patted herself dry before wrapping the cloth around her body. Y/n ran her fingers through her now-damp hair before heaving another sigh.

"She's alive." Bucky smirked as y/n stepped out, clutching the towel to her chest. He was perched on her bed, facing the bathroom door with his hands bracing the edge of the mattress. "I thought you'd never come outta there, it's been over an hour, doll." Bucky explained as she hastily walked over to the drawers on the other side of her bed, pulling out a pair of panties and some shorts before tossing them to the bed.

She bent down more this time, pulling a t-shirt from one of the lower draws and throwing it to join the other clothes on the bed without really looking at what it was. She let the draw shut with a snap, turning to the bed and picking up the panties.

Bucky kept facing away, wanting to give y/n her privacy as she pulled the clothes on under her towel. Bucky could sense y/n still the second she reached to grab the shirt, her hand stilling mid-air.

"You okay, doll?" Bucky mumbled, not wanting to turn and face her incase she was still not fully dressed. Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat thickly, her mouth becoming dry as she hummed.

"Mm hm." It was short and cut off, the affirmative noise the closest she'd come to speaking in a week. She turned around again, pulling out another shirt before putting it on.

Y/n walked around the bed again, patting her wet hair between the towel. Bucky's eyes followed her the whole time, cerulean blue watching closely as she dumped the towel in the hamper.

"Do you want me to leave?" Bucky murmured as she climbed into bed, his weight pinning the duvet down on one side. Taking y/n's silence as a yes, Bucky moved to stand up.

"Wait." Y/n's voice was a meek thing, disjointed and hoarse from its only use for seven days being sobbing against her pillow. Yes, the one that still smelt like Steve. "Can you-" y/n took a breath as Bucky looked at her, a happy glint to his eyes. "Would you stay with me? Tonight? I don't know if I can be alone again..."

Bucky's lips tugged into a small smile, the super solder clambering into the bed beside y/n. He nestled in beside her, pulling the girl to his chest as he laced his hand with hers. Their intertwined fingers lay over his chest, his metal arm wrapped around her shoulders.

For a moment all that could be heard was the soft whirring of the metal plates in his arm, and the controlled breathing of the two people.

"Bucky?" Y/n asked, swallowing her fear as she looked up at him. Bucky hummed in acknowledgment, playing with y/n's fingers as he waited for her to speak. "How did- h-how did Steve...you know, die?" Y/n bit through the building tears.

Bucky felt his stomach drop at her question. He didn't expect that right now. Eventually, yes. But not whilst they were curled up on her bed. The words seemed to get stuck in his throat, sticking to his skin as he tried to pry them out.

"I-" he couldn't lie. He couldn't. It would be cruel, to do so. She loved Steve, so she deserved to know the whole truth. "Y/n, Steve didn't- he didn't die." Bucky grated through gritted teeth, tongue like a weight in his sandpaper throat.

"W-what?" Y/n mumbled, eyes widening with shock, fear, hope, anger. She sat up, turning around in his grip to face Bucky. A scowl had settled across her features, plaguing her gorgeous eyes with a hue of hurt. "Then where is he?"

Bucky sighed, his eyes sliding closed as the words fell from her mouth.

"Bucky. Where is Steve?" Y/n spat, her tone morphing into something harsh, something unlike her. Bucky swallowed thickly, but it seemed to do nothing. Y/n watched as his Adam's apple bobbed, arms coming to fold over her chest.

"Steve left, doll. He's not- he's not coming back." Bucky breathed, his face dropping into his hands.

"What do you mean?" Y/n whispered, voice cracking with a bubble of pain. "Why isn't he coming back?"

"Because he left to be with Peggy, okay? He left us, y/n! For some fucking dame that he loved over 70 years ago!" Bucky had finally snapped, his own tears collecting against his flushed cheeks now. Maybe the grief hadn't quiet passed.

Y/n's face dropped into one similar to the day bucky first told her Steve was gone. But, the subtle hint of difference was menacing; this time, rage fuelled her emotions.

"I-I don't understand, why would he-?" Y/n couldn't bring herself to finish her question, the answer already dancing around in her mind.

"I don't either, doll. I miss him, and yet I hate him for what he did. To me, to you, to us." Bucky's voice was barely above a murmured mutter, eyes downcast as he picked at the hem of his shirt.

"I-" y/n opened her mouth before closing it, a croaked sob interrupting a hiccup as she fell back into Bucky's embrace.

Steve, her Steve, had become a selfish, selfish man.

Part Three

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[flameo-firelord-hotman]

Part 2

Pairing: Zuko x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: none

Words: 2.0k

Summary: to everyone she knew, [y/n] was a peasant, destined to be a servant just like her parents. To Zuko, however, she was his best friend. After losing his agni kai and being exiled, [y/n] was devastated. She thought she would never see him again. Three years later, she almost wished he never came back.

A/N: have a treat for getting through another week of 2021 :)

Part 1 <- Part 2 -> Part 3

Series | Masterlist

A couple weeks had passed since [y/n] saw Zuko. When her parents asked how their reunion went, she said it went well. What she didn’t say was that all her excitement plunged down the drain the moment Mai and Azula showed up.

Her mom quickly found out about Zuko and Mai’s relationship. It wasn’t surprising. All the girls in the city dreamed of dating Zuko. Such a rumor would spread like wildfire. When it was brought up, [y/n] pretended to be happy for them. She didn’t want her parents to know that she was heartbroken. She didn’t need them to know her secret.

As the days went on, [y/n] pushed her feelings away and did her best to move on. Once again, work kept her mind distracted. And soon things went back to normal...until a messenger hawk landed on the window sill.

“[Y/n]!” Her mom called from the kitchen, “you have a message from Zuko!”

[Y/n]’s heart began to race. Despite her sorrow, she still got excited to hear from him. It was a nostalgic, like when she was a child waiting for that invitation to have a playdate. She left her bedroom to retrieve the note from her mother.

Dear [y/n], I’m sorry I couldn’t take you up on your offer to spend the day together. I’ve had a lot going on now that I’m back. Today, my father told my sister and me to take a vacation. We’re going to Ember Island, and Mai and Ty Lee are coming too. You should join us! Please let me know if you can come. Your friend, Zuko

[Y/n] had mixed feelings about Zuko’s invitation. She could count on one hand how many times she went on a vacation. The thought of taking a break and getting away from the city seemed nice. Zuko would be there too. Although he didn’t like her back, they were still best friends. It could be fun. However, his sister and his girlfriend would be there as well. That could ruin the trip.

[Y/n] shook her head. She was overthinking it. Zuko dating Mai wasn't the end of the world, and he wanted her to be there, so she should go. It would make him happy, and she truly valued his happiness. Surely [y/n] was capable of repressing her crush and not letting Azula get to her. She would be fine.

That was probably an overstatement.

The trip was...okay. Zuko was glad that [y/n] accepted the invite. However, his sister wasn’t too thrilled (though that was to be expected). Also, as expected, Mai was practically attached to Zuko. [Y/n] watched them from afar at the beach. She had to admit that she was at least a little jealous...maybe a lot.

“Here, this is for you,” Zuko said to Mai, handing her a seashell. Mai glanced at it and gave Zuko a snooty look.

“Why would I want that?”

“I saw it, and I thought it was pretty. Don’t girls like stuff like this?”

Yes, of course, [y/n] thought. She would’ve been over the moon if Zuko gave her a seashell.

Mai scoffed. “Maybe stupid girls.”

[Y/n] frowned. Was she a stupid girl? She sure felt stupid for coming here.

“Hey, beach bums! We’re playing next!” Azula shouted to Zuko and Mai, pointing to the people playing kuai ball. “Ty Lee, get over here!”

[Y/n] and the others gathered around Azula.

“Uh-uh,” Azula put her hand out to stop [y/n]. “You’re not playing. Teams of four only, and, besides, you’ll hold us back.”

“Hey!” Zuko barked at his sister.

“It’s fine, Zuko," [y/n] said, putting her hands up to diffuse the situation. "I don’t know how to play, so she’s probably right...” She shrugged her shoulders.

“See? I’m right. Let’s go.” Azula said pompously. She turned on her heel and headed toward the kuai ball court. Everyone else followed.

Watching Zuko and the girls play from the sidelines was normal for [y/n]. As a child, Azula usually let everyone but [y/n] play games with her, then Zuko would get mad, and [y/n] would just deal with it. She didn't dare cause trouble with the princess. But she deeply appreciated Zuko for standing up for her.

As the team of four destroyed their opponents (almost literally), [y/n]'s mind wandered. If I was nobility, I bet I would be playing too...but would Zuko have chosen me instead? Or would he be with Mai anyway?

After spending most of the day at the beach, the group went to a house party. Initially, the party hosts, Chan and Ruon-Jian, invited only Mai and Ty Lee. But, Azula, cunning and determined as always, managed to persuade the hosts to include everyone…even [y/n] to her surprise.

[Y/n] had never been to a house party before. The place was loud and packed with strangers. It was overwhelming to say the least. If it weren't for Mai, [y/n] would've stuck to Zuko's side. But, alas, she watched the love birds sit together, his arm around her shoulder. They were probably having a good time just like everyone else in the room. No one was standing awkwardly alone like [y/n].

Although she could’ve tried to mingle and make friends, she was far too anxious. So [y/n] sought refuge at the snack table. Nibbling on food kept her looking busy, while she prayed to the spirits for the night to go by quickly.

And perhaps the spirits heard her cries for help. Out of the corner of her eye, [y/n] noticed Zuko heading in her direction. Such a simple thing instantly brought her joy.

“Hey!” [Y/n] grinned.

“Hey.” Zuko replied sternly. He barely looked at her. Strange.

“So, um, how are you enjoying the party?”

He sighed dramatically, as he picked out some food. “Oh, it’s great,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Something was wrong. Before [y/n] could open her mouth, Zuko turned and walked away. Then, someone bumped into him and all the food fell to the floor.

“Hey, watch it! That food was for my cranky girlfriend!” Zuko snapped. [Y/n] kneeled down to clean up the food (it must have been her housemaid instincts). When she stood up, she saw Zuko run over to Ruon-Jian, who was talking to Mai, and push him. The poor boy almost crashed into [y/n].

“Hey! What are you doing?” Asked a very stunned Ruon-Jian.

“Stop talking to my girlfriend!” Zuko demanded, pointing an accusatory finger to the host. His other hand was tightly balled into a fist. [Y/n] could practically see the smoke coming out of his hands.

“Relax, it’s just a party—”

Zuko forcefully shoved Ruon-Jian back into a tall vase, which shattered to pieces. Suddenly the room fell silent. People all around them stopped talking to stare.

Mai began yelling at Zuko, and Zuko yelled back. They fought and bickered until Mai finally said it, “it’s over, Zuko. We’re done.”

[Y/n] gawked at the commotion. It all happened so quickly and it seemed so out of the blue. As kids, there were times when Zuko had lost his temper, but this was different. She had never seen Zuko rage to the point of becoming physical before.

“Who broke my nana’s vase?!” Chan cried, running into the scene. Ruon-Jian simply pointed to Zuko. Chan turned to him and aggressively gestured to the door. “That’s it! You’re out of here!”

“I was just leaving,” Zuko growled. He stormed out the front door and slammed it.

I better talk to him, [y/n] thought. She quietly slipped through the crowd of partygoers and left the house. Zuko was angrily walking along the path away from the place, hands still in fists and shoulders tensely raised.

“Zuko!” She called to him. He ignored her.

“Zuko, wait!” [Y/n] jogged to catch up to him. Still, Zuko kept walking. “What happened?” She panted.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

"But--"

"You heard what I said!" He was still fuming and needed to cool down first.

“Okay, okay…" [Y/n] paused before quietly asking, "can I walk with you?”

Zuko hesitated for a moment before sighing heavily. “Yeah, sure.”

Together they walked down the path to the beach. Neither of them said a word. They just silently strolled along the shore side by side. Waves lapped at their feet, providing a nice, calming ambiance. Several minutes passed, then Zuko turned and started up another path. It led up a hill to a large beach house. The house appeared to be abandoned as the garden outside was severely overgrown.

“What is this? Where are we?” [Y/n] wondered.

“My family’s beach house,” Zuko responded in a much more collected tone.

The two walked up the front steps. Zuko tried to open the door, but it was locked. He stepped back and forcefully kicked it open. [Y/n] reluctantly followed him inside.

“We haven’t been here in a long time,” Zuko explained, “we used to come every summer...when we were actually happy.”

A long time indeed. It was obvious that the house had been vacant for many years. Floorboards creaked with every step, a layer of dust coated every surface, and cobwebs hung every corner. A peculiar, stale smell made [y/n]’s nose crinkle.

Zuko extended his hand out and generated a flame. With the dim light, he walked up the large set of stairs in the foyer. [Y/n] followed.

On second floor was a large painting: a family portrait from a different time. Firelord Ozai and his (former) wife, Lady Ursa sat next to each other in chairs. Beneath them sat two children: Zuko and Azula. They looked to be very young, around the age when [y/n] had met them. Everyone was smiling.

Zuko gazed nostalgically. So much had changed in his life since this portrait was painted. It was no wonder his family no longer came here. If one were to pinpoint when it all went downhill, it would be Ursa’s disappearance.

[Y/n] placed a hand on his shoulder. “You miss her, don’t you?”

“Every day,” Zuko mumbled.

“I'm so sorry, Zuko…” she whispered.

“Yeah…” Zuko paused before speaking again. “I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. And I'm sorry you saw me get so angry at Mai and those other guys.”

[Y/n] nodded, accepting his apology.

“When I was exiled, all I felt was bitter anger and frustration. I thought restoring my honor and coming home would be the only way I could be happy again. Well, I’m home now and I have my honor back, so I should be happy, right? But I’m not, and I don’t know why. Now, I’m just confused.”

“I’m sorry, Zuko” [y/n] said. “I don’t know what I can do to help you.”

“It's okay. I don’t even know how to help myself.”

[Y/n] thought for moment. She had to say something to make him feel better.

“It's not very helpful, but I can tell you this. Everything will be okay. Maybe not now or tomorrow, or even the day after...but if you give yourself time, you’ll figure it out, and then, everything will be okay.”

Zuko turned to [y/n]. He stared at her for just a moment before hugging her. [Y/n] wrapped her arms around him, returning the embrace.

“Thank you, [y/n]. Even after all these years, you’re still here for me."

“Of course...I care about you.” She did, in more ways than Zuko would know.

Zuko pulled away, but kept his hands on her shoulders. He was so close to [y/n], she could almost feel his warm breath tickle her nose. It made her cheeks flush. [Y/n] watched his amber eyes wander all over her face. Everything felt so still and quiet all of a sudden. Even [y/n]’s mind went blank. His lips parted slightly, and she could’ve sworn she saw Zuko lean in a little...

“There you are. I thought I’d find you here—”

Zuko immediately let go of [y/n] and whipped his head around. Behind him at the top of the stairs stood Azula. She cocked her head and crossed her arms.

“Did I interrupt something?” She asked articulately.

“No.” Zuko answered quickly.

“Alright then…come down to the beach. This place is depressing.”

While the three of them returned to the shore, [y/n]’s mind rambled relentlessly.

What was that? Did he just...? No, no, I must be crazy. It didn’t happen. It was nothing. It was dark, my mind must've been playing tricks on me. I was just imagining things. Yeah...imagining it all. He wouldn’t...kiss me…would he?

Taglist (open!): @aangsupremacy @kaylove12

[urstruly-ghst]

Hey ! Can I get a hc of someone making dorm leaders' little sister cry if lts ok ? I really like drawing in my free time but some people say that "I'm wasting my time doing nothing" and it just makes me feel ... sad. But the request can be different - anyway just bullying lol (idk what I'm saying at this point shajjsvsus) Sending love n kisses :D ~ ❤

whoever makes you cry will face my fists >:(( i shall f i g h t.

and xoxo sweetie.💗💗

riddle rosehearts

Being his little sister was hard, he would always make sure you are well rounded but had the fun he wished he had.

Everyone in the world knew that you, little Rosehearts, is a prized treasure of the Dorm Leader, no one is allowed to hurt you.

Until some bullies saw you sketching the day away, a pleased smile on your lips. It was at this time, you were alone, no Riddle in sight.

They targeted you, in a mean way, instead of physical pain, they gave you a bad mood. By that, they insulted your drawings and you in general.

This caused tears to pour, which in turn, got the bullies to target you more. The teasing and taunting turned silent when someone coughed politely behind their backs.

They clicked their tongues and was about to ask why are they bothering them, until they saw a familiar red head. Fuming with anger.

He crossed his arms and that familiar look of anger was on his face, he screamed; "Off With Your Heads!" as he collared them.

The bullies shook in their place, terrified of what punishment was to be bestowed on them.

While they were shaking, Riddle approached you with a frown and hugged you. He assured you that "big brother isn't going anywhere" and that he won't let you be alone again.

He made sure of it. If he can't be with you, then lets Trey or Cater or the Adeuce combo be with you.

Just to be sure you are safe and not bullied again.

As for the bullies, he made sure they got the punishment of cleaning and doing double the work, while a 10,000 word handwritten note would be given to you as an apology.

leona kingscholar

Savanaclaw's dorm head, Leona, has been forced to believe all women are to be respected. He made sure everyone knew that too.

Especially when his little sister was to visit him.

Now, everyone knows Afterglow Savannah was a place filled with strong women, you included. But you were softer, to say the least.

Your resemblance to Leona was subtle, but it stood out nonetheless. And everyone knew never to bother a Kingscholar.

While visiting Leona, he had been called to a meeting, much to his dismay, and left you unsupervised. He knew you were capable of being alone.

You were alone for a fairly long time, so you decided to go out and just sketch the interior of your brother's dorm for some memories.

Unknowingly, some new students saw you, unaware of who you are. They decided you would be their new target.

While sketching, they pulled your hair and laughed at your pathetic state. They were strong, stronger than you, so all you did was weep as the physical pain and mental torture grew on you

Luckily for you, Leona was quick to leave his meeting to see you, worried as his instincts tell him something was wrong.

He heard your cries from a mile away, and he grew angry at such notion that someone hurt his family AND hurt a woman.

Leona ran towards the source and saw you in such a state of misery, that he roared while coldly asking what are they doing. The bullies were frozen as they saw Leona approach you and pushing you behind him.

While Leona was ready to attack, you stopped him and told him to not cause more trouble. He obligated, and gave the bullies a nasty remark about to never mess with a Kingscholar, and gave them punishments while at it.

In the end, the bullies bowed at your feet asking for forgiveness while Leona stood on the side, smirking victoriously.

azul ashengrotto

While managing the Monstro Lounge, you pooped in to say hello. Azul smiled while he organized the papers and customers. He asked if you wanted anything, to which you replied your order.

Azul offered to eat at the VIP room, but you declined, insisting that you want to sketch the Lounge while eating.

He nodded and headed off, to his office, to get some negotiations going. He trusted you enough to be alone, so he had no trouble in letting you off alone.

While your order arrived, you sketched and sketched, not minding anything else than your sketchbook.

The bullies saw you, and smirked amongst themselves, a silent agreement to target you in such state. One of them sat down across you, and touched your thigh.

You jumped at the notion, and before you could ask why are they touching you, they spilt drinks all over you and your sketchbook.

This caused every one of them laughing and insulting you, causing tears to pour from your eyes. Before they could advance to harass you more, an "oya oya" was heard.

They froze and you looked up to see your brother's friend, Jade and Floyd. They had sinister smiles, while asking politely what was happening in the establishment.

All of the gasped and leaped up on their feet, scared of what was to happen next. Jade escorted you to Azul, while Floyd went rampant on the bullies.

Azul looked to see you covered in juice and tears, alarmed, he demanded an explanation. Jade calmly told the events, and Azul's frown deepened.

He whispered something to Jade, while assisting you to change and take a bath or a swim.

Let's say the bullies all had a not so fun time with the Leech twins.

kalim al-asim

As Kalim's little sister, he made sure you know all about his life and passions! He also made sure you are well protected over, knowing the threats that happen to your family.

Jamil is also protective over you both, while you are fully aware of protecting yourself, he still made sure to watch both of you.

Now, the bullying happened at a party, where you and your brother were separated due to the lively atmosphere.

While you were partying and enjoying life, someone pulled your hair and led you to a hallway and physically harassed you.

You punched and tried to kick them away, but their strength was overpowering yours, making you weep as they mocked you and laughed at you.

But, unknown to them, Kalim saw this and has called on over Jamil to help him asses the situation.

While they saw this, Kalim grew angry and threw a fit, ordering them what is happening and why are they doing this to you.

Jamil stood next to Kalim, glaring at the bully, a look of anger on his face. It was scary.

They let go of you while you sobbed onto Kalim's shirt, which in turn made Kalim cry too.

Jamil politely asked you both to leave, while taking care of the bully. Assuring you he would punish this bully with the right amount of time.

While you exit the scene, Kalim did his best to cheer you up, bringing up his magical carpet, you travelled the sky to relax.

vil schoenheit

Vil kept his private life and family life really great, no one knew of his family and personal life, and no one knew that the girl to visit Vil was his little sister.

While you were visiting, you spot a nice shade and view, causing you to just delay your visit a little bit.

Unknown to you, you were now a new target to some bullies, who were bored and wanting to go crazy with bullying. You were alone, seemingly a stranger, so you are the target that was perfect.

As you were sketching away, the bullies formed a gang on you, and started to make fun of you— from you sketching to your outfit. Even if you tried to defend yourself, they brought you down.

By now, Vil is worrying where were you, as your visit is now delayed! He ought to scold you on your arrival, but he doesn't know where you are.

He sent out Rook to get you, just to be sure you actually visited, he texted you too. But his worry is going up the roof as more time passed.

Back to you and the bullies, your state is even more pitiful as tears were now in your vision. This made them give a boisterous laugh, alerting a nearby hunter.

Rook saw this and immediately did his job, rescuing a damsel like you. He coughed quite loudly, announcing his arrival his tone harsh and sharp. Rook smiled at you, and wiped your tears.

He gave the bullies a glare, before escorting you to the Pomefiore dorm, where Vil was waiting with a frown.

When Vil saw your state, he glanced at Rook, his gaze demanding an answer. When Rook gave the explanation, all Vil did was nod; Rook knew this was an order.

So, Rook dismissed himself while Vil and you talk. He gave a stern yet loving scolding, making sure you are okay and if not, he will try to comfort you.

idia shroud

Everyone knew of his little brother, Ortho, but no one knew he had another sibling. Someone older than Ortho, and was actually a... Real person

Unlike Idia, you loved going out, and always made new friends. But they seem to never connect you with Idia. Maybe the resemblance wasn't there.

Either way, no one knew of your relation to the Dorm Leader, but even with your connection, they assumed nothing big will happen.

They were wrong, as one day,when they decided to bully you, Ortho was doing his daily stroll.

Ortho really looked up to you, he loved you lots! So imagine his anger when he saw you being cornered and crying. He sent a message to Idia and waited for an order.

Idia, sitting in his room, got a message and when he saw it... He was filled with a rage, and started to talk loudly and fast, typing to Ortho to take care of the bullies and take you back to the Dorm.

When you arrived, you cried into your brother's arms and just asked for comfort. Idia, like always, offered you to play games.

He made sure to get your favorite game on, and snacks too! Ortho also is here to cheer you up!

In the end, you decided to stay in your brother's dorm for a few weeks, as for the bullies... Ortho reported this to the Headmaster and expects them to have a proper punishment.

malleus draconia

Either you are dumb, new, or just plain fearless if you think on messing with Malleus Draconia or just his family.

You were related to Malleus, and had every right to be respected as Princess, and as a person. You were strong and competent.

Even Malleus' retainers are on full guard with you, but they trust you too to protect yourself.

However, one day, in a park, you decided to stroll! Nothing beats a nice stroll in the park.

The bullies, being bored, saw you and decided to target you. No guards or Malleus on sight, so they ought to take this opportunity!

While you were just enjoying life, they targeted you, your hobbies and others making you feel insecure and start to cry. This caused them to mock you more.

Unknowingly, Malleus walked to the park, his feet somehow bringing him to it. And when he went there, his anger got the best of him.

He flew down to where you were and glared down at the human bullies, calmly asking what were they doing. They yelped and tried to turn around but Malleus made them stay still.

He crossed his arms, demanding an apology and asking them to go with him to the principal's office where a punishment for them is due.

Malleus clicked his tongue and hugged you tightly, assuring you that another incident like this won't happen again. He makes sure of it.

[loquaciousquark]

Hi! I think I remember you posting about "making" your own computer? I'm sorry to bother you with something like this, but was it difficult? Would you say you have to know a lot about how computers work to do it? Thanks!

Heck yeah!!! Oh man!! Gosh guys can I talk to you about building computers and how EVERYONE willing to do some basic googling is almost certainly capable of this I promise?

Welcome to:

Okay okay okay so let me spin you a li’l yarn: I was in optometry school in 2010-2011ish and I had been living up to now on prebuilts, mostly laptops, but DA2 was recently out and gosh darn it I wanted something I could play a proper game on. A friend of mine had a 10yo daughter who wanted to build a computer herself, and he told me if I’d buy the parts, he’d walk both of us through how to do it (what really happened was the 10yo built my first computer and I watched and brought drinks, so–no, I wouldn’t say you have to know a lot about how computers work to do it!).

The physical requirements are some basic manual dexterity & arm strength (you gotta be able to manipulate some tiny things and put some pressure on some connections) and you will most likely need to lift up to 15 pounds, although you can limit that if you go for smaller components. The ability to bend forward and twist and reach will also probably be necessary, although some careful planning can also likely mitigate that.

I think I have pictures of the actual build process somewhere, but regardless, it resulted in this bad boy that served me well for about nine years. I was shocked to see how easy it was to put together, honestly; if you can follow a Lego assembly book, you can put a computer together. With tools like PCPartPicker that have built-in compatibility checks to make sure all your pieces fit, it’s a piece of cake to put together a parts list that you can feel really good about. You just pick whether you want your motherboard to come with fancy lights or not (hint: rgb is unironically cool & i’ll fight anyone who says otherwise).

In the end, you’ll need a set of basic components. You’ll need:

A case to put all the pieces in

A motherboard, the circuit board of the computer that connects everything, basically the heart of the computer

A CPU, the brain of the computer that determines processing power, or basically how fast it can do math and direct traffic

a CPU cooling system, which can be either mechanical fans or liquid cooling, gotta keep that baby chill; may or may not come packaged with the CPU depending on what you get

A graphics card (aka GPU), the thing that makes video games look pretty (and what will probably be the single most expensive item in the build depending on how good you go)

RAM, a short-term memory processing component that comes in different amounts (4gb, 8gb, 16gb, 32gb, 64gb if you’re a madman) depending on how fast you need your short-term memory to work. Good RAM allows you to do things like open a bunch of Chrome tabs at once, run Photoshop at the same time you’re listening to youtube videos, or process the demand of loading up a host of enemies in Mass Effect. Most everyone these days can get by just fine with 16gb of RAM, which is what I have.

a hard drive (or the new, faster, more expensive version, a solid state drive) which functions as your long-term storage bins. This is where you save documents, images, and install your programs. These come in tons of sizes–the larger your files are, the more storage space you’ll want. I always put at least a terabyte of storage in my builds.

a power supply unit or PSU, which gives the electrical juice for everything to run

a monitor (the more hertz, the smoother the video will be - you’ll want either 60hz or 144hz depending on how much your number of frames-per-second matter to you)

a keyboard and mouse

speakers or headphones or both!

Optional addons:

RGB lighting for everything :O

an optical drive (aka something to put DVDs, Blurays, or other physical CD disks into)

fancy liquid cooling pipes

additional case fans; most cases come with adequate fans, but if you are using the computer in a room with poor ventilation or you find that certain components are running hot, you can install additional fans

coincidentally you can also get fans with RGB lighting too

cable extenders when you are going for a specific color scheme

So it can definitely all look overwhelming at first, but when you start to look at how everything is laid out, you’ll notice some trends. Look at these motherboards, for example.

These are just four random motherboards I pulled off Newegg, a commonly used computer parts purchasing site. Sure, the colors are a bit different, but the layout between them…is all basically the same! Here, I’ll draw it out.

In just about every modern motherboard you buy, this will be the rough layout. Everything else is window dressing–what kind of GPU you get, what kind of CPU you get, whether your RAM lights up cool colors or not. Your motherboard will ALWAYS include a map that has extensive descriptions of what each connection does.

Much, much, much more under the jump!

Most of these you won’t even need!

There are always some compatibility things to consider–as I mentioned, PCPartPicker can help you figure out a lot of these–but the biggest one to care about is the CPU. There are two major companies that make CPUs, AMD and Intel. They both have pros and cons on the chips they make, but right now, AMD makes a family of CPUs called Ryzen that both outperform and are cheaper than Intel’s current leading brands, the i7 and i9 lines. Intel was king of the hill for a long time, though, and their CPUs are still really good quality, so some people still go with them over the cheaper alternatives for now. (There are some reports of black screens with the new Ryzen lines, but as I’ve never owned one, I can’t personally speak to how common that is.)

Regardless, once you pick which family of CPUs you want to go with, AMD or Intel, you just have to pick an Intel-friendly or AMD-friendly motherboard. This is always specified in the description of the motherboard. I own the Asus z370 motherboard, so here’s what it says in the description for CPU:

Anyway, once you’ve picked all your parts and had everything shipped to you, it’s literally just a plug-n-play, step by step until everything’s plugged in. Your motherboard manual will also include recommended order of installations, too, and often how to install them.

It helps to remember that the manufacturers of all these parts understand that they are expensive, and they really DON’T want to make them hard to install! Broken or difficult pieces during installation means that the customer is upset, and upset customers ask for refunds and lose brand loyalty.

It also helps to understand that a lot of these connections are based on certain standards–I didn’t realize until I was rebuilding my current machine that these holes set for screws really do work with just about everything you get, as long as it’s the same generation, because motherboard manufactures WANT you to have the flexibility to go any attachment brand you like and still be able to use their board to mount them. 

So, you pick your case and open it up, and you put the motherboard down on top of all the little screw holes until they match, and then you screw all the screws down firmly.

Old rig, partially disassembled:

New, in approximately same state:

(One of the reasons I went with this larger white case than a smaller, slim case like my old one, is because this nicer case has what’s called “cable management;” that means there’s a built-in back area behind the motherboard where all my cables can be jammed without messing up the “aesthetic” of the glass window. My first build obviously did not have that, as seen in that first picture at the top of this post, so I had to just jam my cables wherever I could fit them so that the sides would close, haha.)

Anyway, you can see that the motherboard is just screwed in where it should be, and my CPU is already installed where it should be. I haven’t mounted the cooler for it yet because I needed to clean off the old thermal paste and install new thermal paste before doing so. My two sticks of RAM are also mounted in the top right in the motherboard’s recommended configuration & locations for two sticks (vs. one, vs. four).

Then, with the cooler in place, it looked like this:

So the cooler I have is liquid cooling in a closed system (the thick black tubes running right to left) which is attached to a fan that mounts in place of the white fan on the left from the previous picture. It was as simple as unscrewing the old fan and putting the new one in its place. I think I even used the same screws. The fan is powered by that thin cable running along the top of the case that plugs into a little socket on the motherboard labeled “CPU Fan.” It was as simple as just finding the right plug; it doesn’t even have directionality, just a three-pin socket, so it doesn’t even matter which way you plug.

Already it’s looking like a proper computer! And because this case has cable management, I took a picture of what it currently looked like from the backside.

This case is cool because it has a neat set of connectors mounted on the back of this little hideaway to connect the case fans. I could have run the white fan cables through to the front of the motherboard for them to get power/marching orders, but it was cleaner aesthetically to attach them here in the back. Nothing wrong with connecting them on the front, though–that’s what I did in my original build!

You also might have noticed I’ve mounted the PSU in that white case by now as well. It’s the large black and red box in the bottom corner, seen best from behind. The white case comes with what’s called a PSU shroud, which just means there’s a fancy white cover over it to keep the ~aesthetic~ when viewed from the front side.

The next step is to mount the graphics card!

There’s instructions in your manual as to exactly how these mount, but it really and truly is just removing the dust cover brackets where you need to, and then a delicate plug & play, pushing that big guy in until you hear the click! (Click good, snap bad. Haha. I’ve changed out these cards several dozen times and never broken one, though!)

You can also see the ugly red-tipped cables plugged into the GPU and the motherboard, both on the right side. These come from the Power Supply Unit (they are all permanently connected in most brands, and look basically like a squid’s tentacles–once you have your items mounted onto the motherboard, you just look for the connector from the PSU with the right number of pins and plug it in!)

This guy is the worst. He is fat and hard to maneuver and always requires SO MUCH FORCE to click into this delicate bendy board and your heart will ALWAYS be in your throat as your fingers shake from how hard you’re having to push to sink it, and it will ALWAYS eventually go in but you’ll hate every second of the doing. I hate you, 24-pin EATX. I hate you so much.)

The next thing I did was mount my optical drive (because yes, I still own one), my hard drive, and my solid state drive.

The hard drive and SSD both serve the same purpose (long-term data storage), but the SSD is much faster and uses newer technology. It’s also more expensive for the amount of storage you get, so I have a 256gb SSD that holds my operating system, my heavily-used programs like Firefox and Photoshop & Premiere, and one or two video games I play the most that I would like to load as fast as possible. This is the drive that can allow me to restart my whole system in less than five seconds.

The hard drive is 1.75 terabytes and holds everything else: fics, pictures, videos, music, other games, etc.They mount onto the racks with pre-drilled screws. The optical drive just slides into the socket snugly until it hits the back of the rack.

All of these use a standard connector called a SATA cable which runs between the back of the drive to a SATA socket on the motherboard. Most motherboards come with at LEAST six or seven of these connector slots, and some come with more. They look like this:

and are pretty universal. Any kind of extra storage or drive you want to add to your computer will probably connect with a SATA cable. I think my motherboard, my SSD & HD, and my case purchases all came with a pack of loose SATA cables of different lengths to be used for whatever I wanted.

The rack each drive is mounted to came installed with the case and pre-drilled with screw holes (and provided screws) for attaching either the HD or SSD in every slot. Because this case is all about aesthetic, it also comes with two vertical SSD mounts on the back of the case if you wanted to remove the right-side rack altogether, but as I mentioned, I have the optical drive, so I couldn’t go with that option.

So now we have all the major pieces mounted! The last set of connections are a collection of small fiddly pieces that all plug in roughly the same area and do things like light up the case’s LED, provide that startup beep, connect the USB sockets on the case’s front to power, etc. This is by far the section that takes me the longest because I guarantee I will ALWAYS plug at least two into the wrong socket and not have a beep, or my audio won’t work or something until I go back and reconnect them.

The next thing was to plug in my monitors and…see what happened when we hit the power button! (Monitor connections just plug directly into your graphics card in the back of the case.) And here’s what happened!

So it turned out when I was connecting my SSD (which has my OS on it), I was pushing on the little connector while sitting on the back side of the case. I thought I had the thing in the socket, but what I’d actually done was jam the connector just under the lip of the motherboard (that is, not connected to anything at all, just hanging in open space). Once I realized, though, it was an easy fix!

The last thing I wanted to do to complete the clean white look I wanted was to replace those UGHLY red PSU cables with what are called “cable extenders.” I bought some white ones on Amazon; because most PSUs’ cables are permanently attached at the box, you plug your cable extenders into the other end and then feed them through the case, so that’s the only portion visible. The ugly PSU cables are still there at the other end of the white cables, just hidden in the cable management area behind the motherboard.

I spent some time fixing up the cables to curve exactly how I wanted them to, then picked my LED RGB colors and closed up the open side with the glass wall. All that was left was to plug in my mouse/keyboard/speakers/headphones/mic/webcam, etc., and we were done!

Ta-daaaa!

The first build I did, the one in the blue & black case, took us about two days due to some unexpected problems. First, we were trying to salvage an old CPU from my HP prebuilt to save a little money. Unfortunately, they used basically no thermal paste to connect it to its fan, and when we were trying to get the fan off, it actually tore the CPU out of its socket and bent a bunch of its pins. I ended up going to Best Buy or something and getting a replacement off the shelf.

The other issue I had was that I foolishly didn’t back up my files, and lost a bunch of them in the rebuild (including my Hawke’s original run through the DA2 game :( :( :( ) Always back up your files before ever going in and messing with your case!

Over the years I replaced a bunch of components in it, which is why it lasted me so long, but the transfer into the new case only took me about three hours, and that was with a bunch of breaks throughout. I probably could have done it faster if I hadn’t wanted to savor it, haha. The cable management for the backless desk took a lot longer, though! (…and a LOT of zip ties.)

I do set my new build on a small glass stand (again, from Amazon) because Hamlet’s pretty sheddy and I wanted to keep airflow as good as possible. I’m limited on how many case fans I can install since I have the optical drive rack taking up a lot of space on the right, but I could install new fans on top if I wanted. My temperatures are great, though (I monitor with CoreTemp & GPUTemp, as well as my motherboard’s built-in temp monitoring software), so I don’t need to unless I decide I need more RGB.

Anything I might want to add, I run through PCPartPicker to make sure it’ll fit what I already have. For example, my parts list looks like this (full view and complete parts list available at this link): 

ANYWAY.

If you are patient, if you can fit small Lego-like pieces in labeled sockets, and you are a decent googler, you can build your own PC. It’s really, really hard to do serious damage to components nowadays, even if you plug something in wrong. There’s a bunch of resources, though, and I’d recommend the following places to start:

newegg.com - parts for sale, getcher parts here

pcpartpicker.com - put your list of components together, and it’ll flag any compatibility issues or known problems

https://www.reddit.com/r/buildapc/ - great starting point for new builders, tons of advice and how-to’s for every step of the process, and a decently responsive community to help troubleshoot any issues you might have

And I obviously love doing this kind of thing, so if there’s anything I can help with, I’m more than happy to try! Just let me know, and I hope this was helpful!