#like i am in desperate need of Old Man content but also im to damn busy to draw him hhhhgghhhgghhshgsgg

[swamp-gremlin]

I'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure rn

[hyukmoon]

moon. | l.sy x gn!reader

lee sangyeon x gn!reader

word count: about 4.01k

to put it short: congrats! Something you should actually say, right? Your best friend and crush is getting married in two days and you feel,... well, not very good about it. So, wait... he's returning the feelings? Damn.

content warning: ANGST in capital letters, I would add lots of exclamation points but im lazy. So yeah, hella angsty. Some good old making out, it's kind of heavy at some point but no smut at this point lol. I don't condone any of the done actions, so yeah, I would've personally handled everything differently, but you know, y/n is kinda wild. Very awkward sometimes, but that's more the situation in itself. ALSO, NOT PROOFREAD

taglist: @loki-in-hogwarts

note: the second thing i wrote and im somewhat excited!!! Yes! Exclamation points. So,... thanks for reading :)

It was a great day. Well, at least seemingly for everyone but you. Your best friend in this world Sangyeon was about to get married to the love of his life, who is notyou and now you just stand in the hotel lobby waiting for it to happen. Funnily enough, the crushing feeling of desperation and fear didn’t seem to set in yet.

The hotel lobby was filled to the brim with acquaintances and other guests possibly confused by the uproar of the wedding guests. So, who were you specifically waiting for? The rest of your friend group, the ones who will most likely clean up after the wedding whatever will be left of you.

A nervous smile swept up to your lips, casually just avoiding every sort of tension that could come across you. Just with the luck of this entire occurrence an older woman started to approach you, demon alike features spreading around her face almost like she knew you were apparently the only single person here. An aunty, that wasn’t even related to you but had all the business to judge.

“Are you here for the bride or the groom?”, her sweet voice rang a familiar feeling in your stomach. Almost too sweet, making you suspicious of her intent. “I’m here for my best friend, Sangyeon. So, yeah, for the groom.”, you hesitated a second, “What about you though? Do you know the bride?”

“She’s my youngest niece, the only one that still visits, her sisters don’t even care anymore…” You nodded politely, not wanting to anger her now and stepped towards a different direction.

“So, my dear, are you here with anybody?” You already feared that question, the same as always. The eyes of yours started with a panicked expression searching through the room a familiar pair. “No, I am here on my own. I kinda wanted to focus on getting Sangyeon through with it, being there for him.” As a friend.

Possibly this was the first part of feeling despair and fear. People at this wedding were really waiting for them to get married. They weren’t joking, this would change everything.

“Ah, I see. You know, get over him. Well, it is time for you at least, you’re not getting younger. There are quite few handsome men here. I remember the names Juyeon and ah yes! Kevin, get over here!” As far as you were concerned, your facial expression couldn’t possibly look more stunned than a moment ago, yet another one of your good friends appeared, seemingly just as confused.

This only held on for a good second, Kevin knew exactly what to do. “Oh hi, I’m so sorry to steal [Y/N] away from you, but I actually need to talk to them on my own over a gift we both prepared for the couple!”, he grinned at the lady, who was obviously smitten with him. “Yes, of course, hun. Take your time.” She finally hushed into a separate direction.

“So, how are we doing? You seem kinda… stressed.”

“You don’t say”, you sighed, “if I have to go through a conversation like this again today, believe me I’ll-. “

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I get the sentiment. Even though I meant more the other situation. Like in, Sangyeon getting married and you sitting here all grumpy because of it.”, Kevin was already aware of your “small” infatuation with your best friend, a man too far out of your reach also funnily enough, the man’s wedding you’re attending. However, your friend in front of you didn’t seem to mind talking about it out loud in a place like the hotel lobby. Your lips tightened up into a fine line.

“I’m not grumpy! I just…I don’t really know what to do. I mean, I know I’m going to be there for him but yeah, okay, I might feel a bit grumpy.” The lobby did clear up a lot now.

“Okay, oof. There’s this dinner with everyone in the evening today, do you think you can get through that?”, Kevin asked hesitantly just as stressed with this additional complication.

“I mean, I probably have to, don’t I? This makes me so sick, ugh. Not gonna lie, my stomach feels like a laundry machine.” You laughed quietly and drifted off again into a place where you didn’t need to think about this.

“What did you really expect though? You know I love you, respectfully, but like, this feels like an incredibly bad move to do.”

“Don’t you think it would be worse if I didn’t show up at all? I’ll just need to go through this weekend and I’m outta here. No one will know anything.” It might feel like a nightmare but at least a nightmare you can actually run away from and not actually have to face at some point.

“Well, I hope you’ll keep your confidence. Because imagine I saw the person, I love getting married to someone else. Oh my, believe me, you wouldn’t find me for the next three weeks.”

“Not very helpful, a good three out of ten. I guess, I’ll just stick to sulking around then.” A dead smile crept up your lips following a stern look from your side at your opposite.

“Seems like a good plan, just stick to me, maybe we will find someone to take your attention away from this, huh?” A sly grin was visible on Kev’s face.

“Ughhh, of course. Let’s do this. It can’t get much worse than that”, you cleared your throat, “thanks, though. You actually make this here somewhat bearable.”

“Awww, come on. We should pack out our suitcases.”

No one can really prepare someone for a moment like this. Most older folk turned into their hotel rooms which left you in a party like situation seeing your closest friends turning it up in a huge pavilion while the future groom sits comfortably on a velvety sofa hand in hand with his fiancée.

The air was quite warm even at this time of the evening, not humid, just warm enough for everyone to taste the end of this era with nostalgia and a slight feeling of energy to experience what’s to come afterwards.

You as well sat down, continuously processing your environment. With a cup of your favorite drink, you felt invincible, nothing able to shake you down.

Now while this wasn’t a preferred environment, this was manageable; you could look your best friend into his eyes and proudly congratulate him on his wedding. You would be able to get over this and continue to be a great friend. Black hair with an intense facial expression made its way into your viewpoint along with a somewhat tipsy Kevin. Simultaneously the lighter hair of your best friend fought his way through the crowd.

Lee Sangyeon, the man lighting up your mood with simple touch of his fingertips was now signalizing for you to head outside towards the veranda of the pavilion. He exuded patience, yet clearly waiting for a response of you. You nodded and brushed cautiously over your evening attire.

“Hii, [Y/N]! Can I introduce this someone to you? This is Juyeon, he might look a bit intense, but he’s really nice to talk to! So, I’m gone for a sec then!” Kevin started drifting off into a different direction where you stopped him in his tracks.

“Could this wait? Sangyeon needs to talk to me. I think it’s important, I’ll come back though in a bit!” You gifted both of them an apologetic face and made your way around the men towards the going to be groom.

Surely it wasn’t exactly clear why he wanted to speak to you, especially on his own. He was still waiting for you after all.

“[Y/N]! What has it been? Like three? Four months? I missed you so much.”, Sangyeon pulled you into his chest abruptly and sighed softly into your shoulder. Engulfed entirely in his figure you never wanted to wake up from this again. Was it now 10 seconds? 15 seconds? Neither he nor you really seemed to let go, taking in all the scents of his that were formerly familiar to you.

“Yeah, I think so. You were probably busy planning this all and I just had to work, I guess.” Trying to keep it short was your main goal, appearing distant maybe. He didn’t mind at all though. Not discouraged from continuing this conversation Sangyeon pointed at the veranda, showing the only speck of space with little to no crowd.

The veranda was close to closed off to the party. Non distinguishable palm trees in the far distance were playing right into your cards for not having to look into his eyes. Magnetically glowing, that’s how he appeared. All happy and smiley about the obvious luck he was experiencing. Now again, he sat down with you in the beach chairs without loosing a word.

“The palm trees are so pretty. You remember me wanting to buy some new plants?”, you tried to invite him to the conversation.

“You always want to buy new plants, which time do you mean?” Sangyeon grinned to himself. “You know what? It’s so weird. Everything feels still so unreal. This wedding, also you at my wedding… So weird.”

“I am literally your best friend, where else should I be? Your funeral? At home? Who else is going to charm the hotel staff for some free capri suns and new towels?” Your mouth crinkled up and you let out a soft laugh.

“[Y/N] … You know exactly what I mean!”

“Noo, not at all. I’m so confused right now, not gonna lie.” Your face finally moved towards his direction, seeing his gentle gaze resting on you.

“Do you remember when we were still in school, and we promised each other we would marry each other if we didn’t find anybody else?” His gaze got more intense with each sentence.

“Yeahh, kind of. I was probably tired and it’s like ten years ago. I’m not really sure what you’re trying to tell me.”

“I really thought I was going to marry you. For several years, actually.”, he laughed. “I had such a crush on you and then you met your s/o and all that. Ughh, it seemed so complicated back then. Kind of weird to think about what could have happened if I did ask you out or something.”

“True.”, you turned away again standing up and resting against the wooden railing of the pavilion. “But you didn’t so, let’s just drop it there.” The weather as well started rebelling a bit, the wind hugging your figure slightly too tight for your taste.

“Why are you so cold all of a sudden?”, he whispered closely behind you.

“Well, you’re getting married tomorrow. And you’re telling me about a crush you had on me?”, you croaked.

“I was just being nostalgic, I thought this would be fine with you.” Sangyeon appeared now next to you on the railing, waiting for you to face his concerned dark eyes.

“It isn’t for me. It just feels wrong.”

“What feels so wrong about it? It was a long time ago.”

It is here, the bitterness. Bitterness shouldn’t even be the correct term, the pain of your heart going into a slump didn’t feel like a fitting word. Being reminded again that you will never have a chance again.

“Wait or is it not a long time ago for you?”, The voice of his tried to word his next sentence very carefully.

“I went out with them because I thought you were joking. Then when I thought about you, it was always different. It was too late though, you met her.” Only the close ocean along with the wind were hearable, neither you nor he were able to form another thought put into a sentence.

“You could’ve told me. I would’ve-.”

“Broken up with her?”

“No, I-.”

“Then what could you have done?”, you interrupted Sangyeon’s rambling, trembling while speaking. Terribly spiteful with a bite that wasn’t too often dripping down your lips.

“This.” Sangyeon pressed a fluttery kiss against your lips. Slender fingers tapped onto the skin right under your chin, signalizing you to look at him.

The now much calmer atmosphere made you snake your arms around his torso. Heat rose towards your head, longing after a second out in the cold again just to see his lovely facial expression. Your lips broke off and touched once more in an almost hypnotic fashion.

His hot breath started sliding downwards your cheek to your neck, physically making you unable to resist his entrancing presence. Also his hands broached over from your face down to your waist, holding you with the lightest touch.

Sangyeon’s lips darted away from yours, catching you staring deeply into his eyes. The silence felt warm now as well, filled with the slow and recovering breath of the participants.

“[Y/N], I think I still feel that way.”, a rosy blush swept over the man’s face you wanted to hear say these things so many times and so long ago.

“No. No. No. You shouldn’t! I shouldn’t either! I have to go.” The reality of the situation caught up to you. This was bad. Incredibly bad. Still the disgusting feeling of hope within this made its way up to your head. Stinging alongside the feeling of remorse, you didn’t think clearly, especially now, next to him.

You darted in the fastest way possible from the pavilion up to the hotel to your room, leaving him there.

Today should be the final day. The hopes that already should have been buried a long time ago, crawled up again and clawed its way into your mind. What if he leaves her for you today? Like in those unrealistic rom coms. Yes, again, it was unrealistic.

Leaving her at the altar and running after you. While all those thoughts of hope and wishes came together you found yourself with a stomachache. His fiancée was an incredibly nice person, sweet and kind along with being a beauty. You shouldn’t even dare to think about Sangyeon that way anymore, she deserved a lot more. Quite honestly, you felt pathetic. Who were you to run into their possible future?

Just because of a simple brush over the lips, his eyes staring into yours like no one else existed but you and his soft hands delicately touching your waist. A tap on your shoulder put you out of your trance, “[Y/N]? Can you go up to Sangyeon’s room? He asked for you.” Kevin’s eyes glanced at you with uncertainty. Neither you nor he knew why he wanted to see you.

Even more importantly, why did he need to see you alone? This seemed like dangerous territory after, basically yesterday. Agony rose again, what if he really was going to leave her?

“Sure, I don’t know why he wants to see me again though.”, you said and left to see the groom’s room. You stumbled more and more over every step closer to the door of the man who’s going to rip your heart and air out of your lungs. The normally soft laid out carpet felt in this moment like you were stepping barefoot over glass. There was the door, brightly painted in eggshell paired with the digits of the hotel room.

Before you could reach the door to knock on it, light brown waves greeted your overtly surprised face.

“You clean up well.”, Sangyeon’s rang in your ears clearer than freshly hung-up laundry in your nose. His previously concerned face curled up into a faint smile.

“Same goes for you”, you tried your best to hide the very apparent frog in your throat, “So, why do you need me?”

“Just needed to see you before going out there, I guess.”, his voice got a lot quieter. It got silent.

Not sure if a said word was necessary, you plopped down on a small, velvety stool. Every whisper was to be heard. An otherness surrounded Sangyeon, like he wasn’t there anymore, and his thoughts took over his being. You scooted closer towards him, just wanting to see him up close for the last time like this, smelling his earthy cologne from this distance.

“Why are you doing this to me?”, your voice went close to hoarse after the question. He was just as silent as before. No sound, nothing. This torment of a weekend was supposed to end with no gratification, not feeling free from this feeling on your chest? Your hand slid over his, the most desperate attempt to get his attention while also experiencing his touch again. Sangyeon jerked his hand back and returned to his absent posture.

“Why do you want to hurt me like this? I am your best friend, and you use me like I’m nothing.” The lack of power you had now made you sink down to the beige teddy carpet. Small tears started swelling up in your nearly dry eyes, kind of contradictory, yet the more tear drops rolled down your cheeks the rottener and hollow you felt.

“You were my best friend until you-.”, he stopped midsentence, “made me feel things again I didn’t need, I didn’t want.” Also his face was wet, ridden with tears making his usually calm and cheerful persona look like a painful insult.

“You asked me here. It hurts, Sangyeon. I can’t make it stop hurting, I don’t know what to do”, you reached for him again, “Could I ever be enough for you?” He returned your former attempts to stroke your face. Cornering both of you, the air trapped you in the toxins of heartbreak and hopelessness.

Once again, Sangyeon’s hand glid over your soft skin and halted on your face. Glaringly staring into each other’s eyes, you were there again. The day before, yesterday. Close to baring the soul of each person present.

“[Y/N], it’s not about being enough. It never has been. I have made a commitment I already broke, I…I can’t do this”, he sighed, “you know I love her.”

“I thought you loved me as well.” Overwhelming nothingness overruled you, almost scaring you about this reaction. You weren’t crying, yelling nor having any physical reaction at all. It was convincingly numb; the resting hurt would come later. Sangyeon’s head dropped in the dip of your shoulder and neck.

This sort of closeness would never happen again. You feeling him breathing into you while having his comforting heartbeat close to yours.

“I do, but I can’t do this to her. I would never do this to her.”, he whispered into your shoulder. A sigh came from his side.

“Then, please. Kiss me, for the last time.” The last part of the sentence left a disgustingly bitter taste in your mouth. This was over, right? His head, which was formerly resting on your shoulder, drifted up and towards yours. Also his expression blank and hollow, like he didn’t know anything.

For the last time, his hands cupped your face in a comfortable manner. As always, he felt homely, but he surely wasn’t yours ever. Not even waiting a good second or two, the light brunette’s face came closer to yours. With no hesitation both of your lips touched tenderly, releasing every sort of affection that could be expressed at that second. You inhaled again his intoxicating scent, in the hopes of having him all over you. His now reddened lips moved closer towards your jawline making you gasp for air.

Also, you weren’t completely still, constantly shifting your hands up and down over his torso upwards his neck, desperately feeling everything, you can for the last time. Sangyeon’s locks tickled you softly while he suddenly latched his mouth onto your neck right below your ear.

“No. Please, I just want a kiss on my lips.”, you said lowly, closely resembling a whine afterwards. He complied pretty quickly, leaving you with no thought but him tickling your bottom lip with his warm tongue. With him being this fast, you didn’t want to keep him on his toes. Entirely engaged in this moment, hands surprised you again on your waist, wandering closer and closer under the blouse you were wearing. You moaned into the kiss, making him take the opportunity to maneuver his tongue into your mouth.

Similarly to you, he was also stunned for a short moment when you grabbed up onto some strands of hair. A sigh left his now plump lips, a need of fresh air arrived onto both of you. Yet this was short lived, his hands captured your chin and attached his lips again onto yours in a matter of mere seconds. A bell rang, close footsteps to be heard across the floor reminding you of the situation you were in.

“Why am doing this? I am so sorry.”, you broke off his lips and took a step backwards at the door.

“[Y/N], we both did this, and it won’t happen again. We just need some time without each other. I think it would be for the best if we don’t spend time together alone anymore.”

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing? I don’t know what to say. I-.”, His lips captured yours again fast with a lot more force behind his kiss.

A strong arm shut the about to be opened door again and hovered over your head. The other one caught grabbed your chin with an almost contradictory feeling to it, the lightest touch just to shove you into his direction. You sighed into his lips, waiting for him to commit with his tongue one more time. Buttery lips pressed against yours and clang inside your mouth. Fiercely did your tongues meet, ending with him sucking on yours. Wet cheeks batting against each other with no intent of separating, your movement still came to a halt.

“You know what? I hate this. I want you to be happy, then if it is with her, I will just y’know…go or uhm mind my business.”, you slurred the last part. It wasn’t really one of your most prideful moments. Still flushed with tears and embarrassment you dropped again against the room door.

“I ask for one condition though,” incredibly hearse was your voice after the crying and even more so because of your follow up, “I do not not want to see you for some time, I don’t want to have to see your face ever again.” Tears weren’t anymore swelling up in your eyes, they never seemed to stop running down with no chance of leaving this conversation with an ounce of self-respect and pride.

It wasn’t even really much of a problem to leave him behind for a bit, it most likely would be for the best anyway, yet while his words should only leave a small mark and feel like a ripped off band aid, you felt alone. A sense of loneliness crept stealthily into you leaving you with nothing but a severe feeling of dread.

“If that is what you want, I’ll respect that.” The room got quieter till you heard the last of his words: “Of course, I still want you in on my wedding though, you’re still my best friend.” Sangyeon’s usual soft and kind smile appeared on his face, seemingly reaching you an olive branch. The former assertiveness and confidence drained through the conversation; you were nothing but a wreck.

“Alright, I’ll be there.”

The ceremony was beautiful. Fairy like flowers were hung all across the beach space, making the place more surreal than it was to begin with. Everything light with a hint of light green and an even lighter lavender tone. The air seemed to have evaporated all the tension and sadness from your face. All across the seats were relatives and friends sitting with a nervously happy face. Ironically, he really thought it was going to be you someday.

“You’re [Y/N], right? Everyone always tried to introduce me to you. Now we’re sitting next to each other at Sangyeon’s wedding together! I’m Juyeon by the way.”

[kareofbears]

persona 5 strikers thoughts and feelings

This is going to be a long post. Like, the type of post you’d only really have time to read when you’re trying to sleep but you’re not ready to be unconscious yet so you’re just looking for something to do to spend your time with minimal effort. 

So in 2018, a masterpiece was born into the world: Into the Spider-verse was released and it was amazing—it’s honestly the best spiderman movie we have without a doubt, and it’ll be very far into the future before Spider-verse is beaten as the best spiderman movie. Them’s the facts. Then in 2019, Spider-man: Far From Home was dropped. It’s a great movie! Great characters, great continuation of who these characters are and works fantastic as a continuation of a story. It’s really hard trying to take the torch of a previous movie (or in Marvel’s case, juggling twenty something movies) and come up with a new movie that both works on its own, as well as being the next step in this series of films. Thus, with that idea in mind, I think it’s kind of unfair to judge into the spiderverse and far from home, because these are two movies with two completely different objectives in mind. 

Okay, so this is still a persona 5 strikers post, I promise, but the idea is the same: Persona 5 could basically do whatever it wanted—new story, new characters, new everything, and it’s just plain old awesome. However, Persona 5 strikers did not have that sort of freedom. It was bound to the original game, and it had its own rules and stuff it had to keep intact, characters they had to work with, and on top of that, it had to justify its existence as a sequel (lets pretend money doesnt exist lmfao). 

SO, the big question is: did it do that? Did it justify its existence? 

And my answer: holy fuck did it ever do that

I came into this game knowing the extreme bare minimum. I knew there was someone named Sophia, and i knew there was roadtrip, and i knew there were Personas. That’s my knowledge of it before i played it on the Switch.  I should also clarify like, early on, that i was not expecting anything from this game. At all. I was the world’s biggest cynic of this game—if you scroll down my p5s tag far enough, youll just see me complaining about a game that hasn’t even come out yet. I was fully expecting to have this be a Waifu show, and any male character that isn’t Akira to just be shoved aside like some kind of nerd in a high school hallway, and i have never been more pleased to be wrong. In fact, i actually owe it an apology, because of how fucking rude i was for no reason!!! Because this game deserves everything to be honest. 

Persona 5 strikers is, frankly, insane. Insane in the sense that it got to pull shit off that just would never have existed in the original game, because the original game is scared. It had to be as impressive as possible and garner as much attention as possible. Strikers does not have that problem—every single person who bought that game does not need to be convinced that persona 5 is a good game. They already played it. That means Atlus can just fuck around and have a good time, and man did they have a good time. There’s still scenes that still shock me if i think about it too hard, because i’m used to atlus having to follow this sort of rule set when it comes to persona 5 (or any of the main games im assuming, but i havent played them.) And on top of that, there’s still shit that’s Atlus Trademarked Branded in a good way. The style of story of story telling, and revealing the mystery that is so integral to what p5 is, is still there. 

So, to make this even a little bit comprehensible, i will make a list! 

First of all, What is this game?

In short, this game is an OVA of an anime. It’s bonus side content that has one thing in mind: to showcase these lovable characters more by putting them in fun situations. That’s it, and it is just phenomenal. That was the main point of, i’d say, like forty hours of the game. It’s just fun times with fun characters. 

But to get deeper of what i think is happening, or what they were thinking during the development, is that this is a second opportunity. Persona 5 (as we all know) had a lot of problems, and we were not quiet about those problems. We yelled it all out, made posts, made complaints on every social media platform ever. And Atlus heard all of them, and Strikers is a way to mitigate those mistakes. Aside from being a fun OVA, Strikers also works to be a deeper exploration of these characters—more specifically, the characters that did not receive much in the original game. Creating this sequel is having the ability to redo what they felt (or to be more specific, we felt) in the original game while adding new ones. I will get to that in a second.  

The format of the game 

Absolutely brilliant to throw them on a road trip. P5V already forced us to experience Shibuya for 200+ hours, and im so glad that they didn’t do that again. Going from town to town, making us experience these new places alongside our favorite characters is so good, and it just makes sense. It’s fun, it’s lighthearted, and it’s actually shockingly good. But one thing i do want to talk about early on is the way the story unfolds and the villains that they use, and what they do with it because it’s very interesting. 

So as we explore japan and stuff, we encounter jails, and with those jails comes an antagonist. This antagonist works to be a parallel to one of our characters. That character will find it in their hearts to feel bad for the antagonist, because the antagonist could have been them had the original game not happen. At first I thought all of the thieves were gonna get an antagonist, and i was really hyped for the ryuji one. And then came to hour forty of the game where i realized “yeah that’s not gonna happen. There’s just not enough time.” And i was right, and the game ended. But i am not salty at all, honestly, because the people who got a direct antagonist were: Ann, Yusuke, and Haru. (we wont count zen and sophie). 

Is there a trend??? Yes. these are all characters in the original game that have received the worst treatment by atlus. The three of them are basically cast aside the minute they finished their original arc, and its horrible! BUT that’s why this is the path that atlus chose for them—to give them more depth, and screentime, and a way to show their inner self. That isn’t to say that the ones who aren’t those three (makoto, futaba, mona, akira, ryuji) didn’t get anything. Futaba still has her thing at the end with ichinose, and she was very prevalent and animated during the rest of the game. Mona and Akira have to be a focal points, that’s just the nature of the game. The other two though, I will talk about in depth in a second.  

Makoto

Y’all i poke fun at shumako fans sometimes cause its kind of easy and fun, but i honestly love makoto. In my very first playthrough of p5 (my first ever jrpg game, first persona game, i had no idea what i was doing), i had only maxed out two characters: ryuji and makoto. And i know she had a lot of screentime and love in the original game which is great, but i truly felt like she was dissed in this game. Her only roles were

A driver

Someone to tell them “we don’t have a choice. Let’s keep going and see where this takes us.” (seriously, if you replay this game, you will see how much she does this)

Idk, i just wish she had more to do, especially compared to how much love they gave the other characters. 

But let’s talk about some of the new characters! 

Zenkichi

Damn you atlus. Damn you and your insistence at bringing in cop characters. I was fully on board with hating zenkichi, i was fucking ready for it. I was convinced that there was nothing they could do convince to like zenkichi. I was immune to their copaganda. 

And then i ended up loving him, which makes me sad a little bit. I didn’t realize how desperate i was to have an adult who has a persona. Someone who wants the world to change just as much as they do, while still having that aspect of them that makes them adult. Like??? As someone who is technically an adult, its a breath of fresh air. An adult. Who fights. For justice. Using a persona. And god i love akane so much, and her obsession with the thieves (that scene is probably in my top ten fave scenes of the game). Also what i loved about zenkichi is that he fucking hates the cops!! He hates the system of the cops!! And thats why i actually really started to love him!! Because i thought it was atlus saying that the systematic problem of the police cannot be solved by one person, and zenkichi threw away his badge. I actually cried at that part!! 

But then he became a cop again, and i was just :/ but as a character, i really love him to bits and would love to do a study on him, or at least use him as an outside pov. But! i absolutely love his persona, since im a les miserables fan hehe

Sophia 

she’s probably my favorite new aspect of the game. I was ready to not like her—again, i just suck like that, lmfao—and when i saw her, i was scared that she was just another waifu. I mean, she was very cute after all. But then as the game went on, i thought she was a little too cute. And even further into the game, i finally slapped myself in the face and realized oh my god shes not a waifu. Shes a sister. 

That blew my mind, im ngl to you. A female character that isn’t supposed to be romanced? By jove, what a miracle! 

And she…is an amazing character. Im sorry, i just love her so much. I love her so much that she  probably ranks as my fifth or sixth favorite character which is surprising even to me. Everything about her is delightful and invigorating. She’s funny??? Her comedic timing is amazing, and she has such chemistry with the rest of the team. She’s actually useful to the plot, and while her character design is a little too on the nose for me in terms of cuteness (i mean, good god she’s wearing oversized sweater to show how cute and tiny she is, and her hair has literal hearts in it), she is absolutely lovable. 

But what i actually really wanna gush about for a second is sophia at the last stage of the game. You get the idea, i dont really like to get excited over things, so at this point i figured that there was nothing this game could do to shock me. 

And then sophia had a persona awakening. 

Like. holy fuck did i yell. I didnt realize what was happening until the music had already kicked in. and its just so fucking smart!!! Sophia??? The ai?? With no heart?? gOT A PERSONA???? AWAKENING??? BECAUSE SHE LEARNED WHAT THE HEART IS AND THE PASSION THAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO GET A PERSONA??? I started crying honestly, because it was just so smart. And looking back on it now, its obvious!! Of course it would lead to this, it only made sense that the culmination of her character arc leads to her getting a persona, nothing else would have been as good. Also, her voice actor is just amazing?? When she was talking to ichinose at the end, i actually got incredibly emotional because of the line reads. Its just so spot on and it really captures the essence of sophia.

Muah. five stars Atlus. You got me. 

Ryuji <3!!!!

Oh man. Oh boy. Okay. so where do i start. 

Yall know i love him. Hes probably my favorite fictional male character of all time, and he is the one i was the absolute most cynical about in this game. I was expecting literally nothing. Nothing. Like. nothing. I thought he was just gonna keep being used as a joke, or a gag, and he’s gonna be super horny all the time for the other girls and it was gonna make me mad and there was gonna be some insane homophobic/queerphobic jokes in every other scene and i know i was being unfair, but i cant help it. 

And then i played the first two hours of the game, and i cried the entire time. Because ryuji has never been better than he is in this game. Its crazy. 

The ryuji in persona 5 strikers is who ryuji should have been/how he should have been treated this entire time. From the actual funny jokes (for example, the gold bar joke + his reaction to it in the beginning of the game), defending his female friends instead of being the one people need to defend from (natsume arc), and the fact that he was the one to be there with morgana and akira in the very beginning of the game. Its such a small thing that they didnt even need to do, but it was such an integral part of the original game for me, that i just was convinced that nothing like this was going to happen. But then it happened. Its just small stuff like that that could have been overlooked but it wasn’t because this game? Persona 5 strikers? Fucking loves ryuji. 

The actual respect they gave this boy is insane and i wasn't ready for it. Like, they gave the shujin trio lunch, they gave the little charm of the katana when they were in natsume’s jail, and, in my opinion this is the second-best thing that they could have given ryuji is sophia. Ryuji and sophia are the pinnacle of a brother & sister bonding relationship in the game that isn’t akira & futaba. And its really prevalent too?? Small stuff from the beginning of the game (pulling her out of a jail, calling her shorty), but then you have the iconic “shut the fuck up” scene, and that scene was so well characterized and written and voice acted, that somehow him saying “fuck” was the least exciting part of that scene to me. Ryuji is an older brother to her, like its undoubtable, and its only further cemented at the end of the game where Ryuji helps out ichinose because he knows how much sophia cares about her. This game. Love ryuji. And i love. This game. 

You know what else i love? Akiryu. 

Guys. i was fully prepared to starve in terms of akiryu. But theres just. So much of it. I wont get too deep into it, because i think this aspect of the game for me still needs marinate a little bit. Like, what was that last shot when EMMA died and Ryuji walked to approach Akira so they could relish in their victory together?? And the smile from both of them??? What the fuck. That was amazing. Also Joker being saved by Ryuji when he was about to fall from the cliff to save sophia??? WHAT. The LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN? WHAT. anyway. If theres anything i want to keep for myself in my own brain, its the akiryu aspect of this game, so i wont talk too much about that part of things (instead, itll probably manifest in fic lmfaooo). 

Sure, there’s tidbits of stuff i dont like that they gave ryuji: sexualizing ann in that one cut scene and making him touch the jails even though it hurts, and i recognize those and frown at them, but for the most part, i am blown away with how they treated him.

Basically, Ryuji has never been better. From the opening of the game with him being the first text message and the one to sling his arm around akira, to the very last cut scene where it was ryuji wordlessly leaving because he’s so confident that they would never be separated for long, this game adores Ryuji and i am so so happy to say that.

The Royal aspect of things

Yeah, i had to talk about this, but itll be a short thing i just wanted to point out. Because the last part of this game...is persona 5 royal. Which is curious. Like taking reality and giving that power to someone else so you dont have to experience suffering anymore? And even like, the final section just looked a lot like the top half of maruki’s palace?? And whats even crazier is that we had a boss fight with sophia, just like how we had a boss fight with sumire? Royal and Strikers have like, the same thesis statement. It’s kind of uncanny.It’s interesting, it’s like atlus came up with these two ideas, and then just decided they liked both of them so much that they just did it twice. I don’t mind though—actually, in terms of how the last Palace/Jails go, i probably like them both about equally. 

Though i did love the final battle in this one more than i did in royal. Splitting into teams?? Thats cool as fuck, and really innovative and i didnt see it coming. It also kicked my ass. A lot. 

Now for the last stretch: the small stuff!

The music — bomb as fuck. In my heart, Daredevil is ranked the same as Rivers. Axe to grind is also amazing, but Daredevil owns me

Akechi — i really debated whether or not to talk about him, but i figured a bullet point should be enough. Im really shocked that he wasnt in this at all. Like not even a name drop. If this is an OVA, and the point of the game is to please the fans, and akechi is arguably the fan favorite character, i was really ready for something. But there was nothing, except for the pancake hallway if that even counts as a reference. Thats it. Thats all i wanted to say about him.

The humour — FUCKING HILARIOUS im convinced that in my fifty hour playtime, five of that is dedicated to me laughing and unable to continue the game 

Akira — so much personality! His lines of dialogue are crazy sometimes (like. Whats up with him saying Ryuji has ‘nice abs’ when they were in bath? Im crazy and even i dont know what the fuck that could mean) 

Battle system — oh my god i almost forgot to talk about this. I love it! I kind of miss the turn based aspect just because i found it very comforting for some reason, but this hack and slash style of gameplay is so invigorating because i do feel like it justifies shit like the baton pass and huge attacks.  This battle system fully encompases how the Phantom Thieves are supposed to fight, you know what i mean?

Anyway, thats my thoughts on strikers. Loved it. Amazing. 9.3/10, wouldve been higher but Konoe’s Jail almost bored me to death. Also im a monster and i didnt do any requests that isn’t a fun one, teehee. As if i play persona 5 for the persona aspect of things.

[legolaslovely]

Don’t Tell Kili

A/N: HAPPY FILI FRIDAY FRIENDS HAVE SOME STEAMY FLUFF this is so gushy and fluffyyyyyyyyy and im not sorrrryyyyyy

Pairing: Fili x Reader DUH

Word Count: 1,819

Warnings: smut, cuteness, fluff, i think that’s it

Summary: It’s tradition that the bride and groom-to-be cannot sleep in the same bed the night before the wedding. (Y/N) and Fili don’t exactly agree with this rule and have to keep their disobedience from the superstitious Kili

Kurduwê: My Heart;  Amrâlimê: Love of Mine  

“Mahal damn it all!” (Y/N) cried, throwing the flint into the stone cold fire place. She’d been woken up in the middle of the night by her own shivering shaking the bed. A half hour had passed with her on her knees trying desperately to light the stack of wood with the old flint she’d forgotten to replace. Now, she was paying for her carelessness. “Damn that flint, damn the cold, damn this drafty mountain!”

Back on her bottom she fell with a defeated harrumph. She was so cold she could have cried and her tears would form icicles under her chin. A decision lie ahead of her. To freeze to death on the floor? No. To attempt to fall back asleep under the abundance of covers and blankets? She’d never manage that. To venture out into the wind blown corridors to find assistance? No one would be up at this hour. So there was only one thing left for her to do.

“Fili!” she screamed. No response. She tugged the blanket she was cocooned in and yelled again. “Fili!”

He was the only one who would be able to hear her. Her chambers were at the end of the corridor and below were the kitchens, above lie the throne room. Next to her, however, was the dwarf she knew would help. He lie in the coma like state of sleep and if she could only call loud enough…

“Filiii! Fi-”

The door flew open and her lion in golden armor stared at her with groggy eyes and a hopelessly tangled mane. “What?”

A wide grin grew on her face. “Can you light this for me?”

He blinked, frozen in the doorway. Then he sighed, closed the door behind him and walked through the chambers until he stood above her. “Where’s the flint?” he asked with his hand out.

She looked to the fireplace with a bit lip. “Somewhere in there.”

He sighed and knelt next to her, ducking his head into the large fireplace until he found what he was looking for. He sat back and twisted the flint in his hands. “This is old.”

“I know.”

“Why do you have an old flint in here? It will never work.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Here we go. The game of twenty questions. (Y/N) knew Fili inside and out and loved him very much but that didn’t mean that she didn’t want to rip off his head when his interrogations begin. “It was the only one I could find.”

“Where is the one I used earlier?”

She leaned back on her elbow and reached far up into the bedside table drawer. Without getting up or distressing her cocoon too much, she handed him the flint that was half of what it used to be. “I broke it trying to light the fire half an hour ago.”

He took it with a little exhale of pity and stood to wrap another blanket around her shoulders. A stubby thumb ran over the middle of her chin. “Why didn’t you  come to my chambers?”

“Not allowed.”

He rolled his eyes while he remembered the tradition they were both being forced to carry out. The bride and groom-to-be aren’t allowed to sleep in the same chambers the night before the wedding. Neither of them enjoyed this idea but Kili was so damn superstitious, they both couldn’t help but indulge him. “You could have come to ask for help before your lips started to turn blue.” He kissed them.

“Corridors are too cold.”

“I braved them for you,” he said, planting a bundle of quick kisses on her lips.

“You’re braver than me.”

He chuckled at that and muttered, “Untrue,” before he turned back to the fireplace. He started to shift the logs, digging up the dead embers with the iron turner. “It’ll never start with the wood stacked like that,” he said. “You have to-”

She leaned into his side and stuck her cheek to his shoulder, mumbling “Light first, lesson later, amrâlimê.”

He hummed, hiding a smile. When he was satisfied with the pattern of logs, he struck the flint and it caught immediately, leaving (Y/N) to huff half frustrated, half captivated. He rounded his lips and blew a steady stream of air into the small flame, expertly speeding its growth. With a few turns of the iron, a roaring fire shot licks of warmth into their bodies.

“There,” Fili said, turning to (Y/N) and leaning down to catch her lips until a hand pushed at his chest.

“Thank you, mountain man. Back to your chambers you go.”

His lips parted in awe. “I feel very used.” She chuckled darkly and he knew her thoughts had strayed to match his. She allowed him to kiss her cheek. “Maybe I should stay in case it goes out again. This wind is making trouble in the chimney,” he said, nosing under her ear.

“You’re not even supposed to be in here in the first place,” she said, leaning into his touch just enough for him to notice.

“I can’t leave you now,” he said, lifting a hand to her cool cheek. “You’re still very cold, kurduwê, but I know a way to warm you up.” A strong, wide hand landed on her back and led her to lie on the ground. Out popped her arms from the blanket and he grinned against her skin as they wrapped around his shoulders. He was winning.

“Kili will be furious,” she said.

“Kili doesn’t need to find out.”

With that in mind, soft kisses and gentle licks warmed their frozen lips. With some extra wriggling, the blanket between their bodies moved to cover both of them so chilly hands could slide under wool to caress burning skin. He ground against her just once and released her bottom lip with a bite.

“You seem warm now. Shall I leave?” He chuckled when her limbs tightened around him.

“Don’t you dare.” She pulled him down to run her lips along his jaw.

“But the rules? The traditions?”

“Are stupid.” She reveled in his dark laugh that had grown raspy as the fire burned. “I want to be with you every day for the rest of my life and I decided that long ago. Now, I’m not letting you out of my sight just because some tradition says I have to.”

He growled. “If I rip your clothes off right now will you be too cold?” he asked, already beginning the task.

“Not if my lion stays close.”

He usually huffed at the name, laughed it off, but tonight he returned the endearment with a warm smile that glowed above her like rays of a summer sun.

His upper layers vanished, but he only gave her a moment to run her fingers through the curls on his chest. She caught a glimpse of his needy muscles jumping under her touch before he slid off her night clothes, kissing every inch that was slowly revealed. She shivered, not at the sudden chill air, but at the hot lips that attacked her skin.

Tender rumbles of satisfaction radiated from him as he filled his palms with her and ran his fingers over her belly. Pride bubbled in his chest at the heat escaping her, knowing it was from his touch, from his adoration. He could feel his own arousal and searing warmth echoing off him in waves. He threw the blanket off of them and his pants soon followed, leaving his bouncing length to lay heavily on her thigh.

She took him in her hand, running a finger over the head of him, which their extended warm up left dripping in need of her. His chest shook with breath at her attentions but he needed more.

“Please, kurduwê. Let me love you.” He kissed her deeply and then nosed at her skin, speaking in her ear. “Our last night before our life together truly begins, let me spend it showing you how much I love you.”

She whimpered and grabbed his bottom to pull him closer. He would have laughed if he wasn’t so far gone with desire. “Yes, Fi. Please.”

Their lips met as he entered her and didn’t part until their matched movements left them completely breathless. Even after they parted he remained near, brushing his bottom lip against hers and marking her skin. She in turn dragged him close by her legs around his waist and nipped at his jaw, pulling on his braids just enough to make him purr.

“You have been mine since I set eyes on you, kurduwê. And after tomorrow, you will be mine forever.”

“I already am, amrâlimê.”

At her words, his thrusts grew in their intensity. His fingers intertwined in hers as they sank into the blanket around them on the floor. The fire beside them was burning bright, as was his oncoming orgasm. He slid a hand between them and rubbed at her in ever growing circles until her whimpers and whispers turned into moans of his name and every term of endearment she had for him. The rest of their lives would be spent like this and that thought was enough to send them both over the edge. She tumbled first, her wild, strangling core pulling him toward his own end. This made her his more than any wedding ceremony could, he thought as he emptied himself inside her and comforted her shaking limbs with long caresses of his hands.

An avalanche of kisses fell on her and she giggled, returning the ones she could grab.

“Still cold?” Fili asked.

“No, amrâlimê. But that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to leave.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” he said, lifting her to set her in the bed and parting from her only to throw some more logs on the fire. He felt her eyes on him as he piled the wood in his bare arms and bent to leave them in a stack by the brick of the fireplace. Every muscle jumped or leapt in some way as he moved and it sent new heat to her stomach. She wouldn’t need the roaring fire if her husband-to-be lived his life in the nude. “You’re staring,” he said.

“Yes, I am. I’m also waiting for you to join me in this bed,” she said.

He chuckled, doing just that and flushing a bit under her studying gaze. He hovered over her and kissed her, already missing the taste of her lips. When he settled next to her, content as her head rested on his chest, he said, “So when Kili asks…”

“We each slept in our own bedchambers. You, like the dead.”

He chuckled, rolling over her and nipping at her neck. “I was a light enough sleeper to hear you calling me from here.”

“Thank Mahal. You would have had a frozen bride.”

“Now, I’ll just have a perfect one.”

Taglist! @emrfangirl​ @misslongcep​ @raindancer2004​ @ladybugg1235​ @xxbyimm​ @burningcoffeetimetravel​ @fizzyxcustard​ @fire-flv​ @nerdbirdsworld​ @dashesofink​ @teagarages​ @dark-angel-be-thirsty-af​

[everythingshawnmendes]

Shawn Mendes Instagram Edit: Y/N attends the VMAs

y/n and shawn attend the vmas instagram edit

a/n: this is literally 7 months old. found it in my drafts and thought id post to give u guys some content :)). with all this being said, a lot of ugly things are happening around the world. click here and do your share in helping : https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co

also this one’s a hella long one because i absolutely love awards shows so hehe lmk what u think pleaseeee im desperate for love n affection 

Liked by rosalia.vt, mtv and 978,476 others

yourusername ok hoes now that i have ur attention, GO VOTE FOR MY HUSBAND SHAWN FOR THE VMAS LIVE AUGUST 26TH. Who knows, maybe i’ll be making my red carpet debut ;p

view all 10,598 comments

arianagrande baby girl

mtv get u a supportive gf like this👏

shawnmendes can u send me this baby...

yourusername @/shawnmendes jeez not even a thank u for the free promo?

shawnmendes @/yourusername you’ll get your thank you baby girl

arianagrande @/shawnmendes @/yourusername there r children on here.

uwuyourname u fucking hottie

mendesupdatesx OMG R THEY GONNA WALK TOGETHER WHATS UR LOOK GONNA BE

yourusername @/mendesupdatesx im tryna make the best dressed list

Liked by shawnmendes, yourusername and 395,586 others

mtv The performers list just got HOTTER. Tune in Monday, August 26th for the 2019 VMAS!!! #VMAS 

view all 475 comments

forevershawn IM SO EXCITED IM SO EXCITED

mendesarmy1998 pumpeddddddd

yourusername damn who’s that, how can i get a ticket in to watch him

shawnmendes @/yourusername hahaha i love you so much

mtv @/yourusername there’s already so much buzz around your red carpet debut!!!

y/nfansxo y/n is going to lose it but also so am i when i see her

Liked by yourusername and 495 others

shawnmendesworldwide  August 26th, 2019: MTV VMAS. #details

view all 199 comments

daddyshawn he literally looked so good im so well fed

torontomendes every part of him is perfect

yourusername im searching the internet for every pic of this look ever so it can never die

shawnmendesworldwide @/yourusername u got to see this outfit in person 😍

yourusername @/shawnmendesworldwide it wasn’t on for long

forevershawnlove IM CACKLING I LOVE HER SO MUCH 

shawnmendesworldwide y/n y/l/n has been the best thing to ever happen to the fandom

Liked by kendalljenner, tomholland2013 and 1,596,596 others

yourusername VMAs, you ain’t ready tonightttt

view all 576,485 comments

tanamongeau get ur ass on this carpet already

mtv omg... we’re not ready to see the whole look

ddlovato and to think that ur a carpet newbie wtffff

ilovey/nandshawn STOP stop stop im not ok 

shawnandy/nbabes wtf is this hotel room it looks nothing like shawn’s loll

newyorky/n @/shawnandy/nbabes it’s a painting, if u look in the corner of shawn’s story you can actually see it

Liked by jeffreestar, teenvogue and 786,596 others

yourusername we walkin to the #vmas

view all 8,957 comments

chrissyteigen ur posting so fucking much ur literally so cute have a great time at ur first awards show!

papermagazine 🖤

mendesunited ouff mans looking hella fine

yourmomsusername guys my daughter is going to the mtv vmas

y/nfandom she’s literally killing me with this spam of posts omgomgomg

gorgeousy/n @/yourmomsusername we’re so proud of her ❤️

Liked by mtv, victoriassecret and 2,248,586 others

yourusername YIKES SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO POSE

view all 4,561 comments

shawnmendes you’re so beautiful

yourusername @/shawnmendes no you are

normani cheekbone said hiiiii

angelsyourusername UR WALKING WITHOUT SHAWN?!

yourusername @/angelsyourusername UM i am NOT having him steal an ounce of my spotlight away this is the most effort i put into a look since my prom

arianagrande sis this is ur first carpet..... you motherfuckin ATE 

mtv you are the thing all red carpets didn’t know they needed

shawnmendesxoxo SHE LOOKS SO GOOD

[strawberryybird]

So whats your favorite thing about each of your fe3h favs? Anything you could just go on a long rant about for any of them? or interactions between them that you wish had happened or wanted to happen.

Waking up in the morning and going through all of the drunk blogging and “-thank-u-for-weathering-my-deep-need-to-be-liked-and-given-attention-off-main-I-guess” if this isn’t a whole mood on its own I don’t know what is. Anyways it sounds like you had fun and it was definetly fun reading everything. I hope you are feeling okay the day after everything. And to tack on a random question which fe3h character would you want to get drunk with if it was just the two of you?

Hi Hello!! thank u for enjoying my drunk blogging !!! and for the asks!!! (and the lovely comments on my fics actually hi there ur wonderful!!!) i’m currently cursing the damage i’ve done to my sleep schedule and suffering under my (truly deserved) hangover lmao ;p apologies u don’t get drunk me, only uncaffeinated hangover me, but we talk to the same degree and make the same spelling errors lol

ah yes.. im a fountain of moods (all of u still with me here are saints hhhh)

ok content time:

the second one first: i absolutely want to get drunk with ferdinand von aegir. the man’s a hop, skip and a vodka shot away from a mess. i love him. he’d be full of conversation and would buy the rounds every time as a true nobleman should !! he’d probably be really good at instigating drinking games but horrible at playing them.. i love party gay ferdie von aegir.

i’m going to LIMIT the faves i list because truly i love them all very much but i have to at least pretend i have some restraint and i don’t want to make this even More of a wall of text it’s going to become . SO 

edit: ok i started writing this at like. half ten pm. when the fuck did it become monday. 

edit edit: Disclaimer time: these are my conclusions and my conclusions alone. I’m not saying I’m objectively right or correct. I’m very much approaching this from an English Lit-ish point of view because that’s just how I look at a lot of media. I’m not asserting my opinions or conclusions as the only viable to interpret this media, and if anything I say offends you then I am sorry, it was not my intention but I acknowledge that I have hurt you. This is not the exhaustive list of my thoughts on the whole thing, there’s a lot more depth and detail I didn’t go in to.

My favourite thing about Edelgard is the Everything, but notably I really love her proud nature and how in VW it quite directly gets her *spoilered*, and in CF it’s integral to her success (bc it’s her own rigidity within herself that keeps her standing i think) and I Like Tragic Characters (and it’s very elinor dashwood). because it’s one of the qualities that can throw her character into a villainous light & it’s really interesting !! but at the same time.. it’s not quite ‘pride’ purely, and it’s kinda the wrong word. it’s some mixture of determined/stubbon, anger, self-reliance, and that really hard veneer of personality u develop when you’re around people who aren’t healthy for you to be around, and the very very critical need to be right about the choices you made because the weight of the  consequences would kinda ruin you if you weren’t. (the dean winchester effect huh) and wrap that up together with a big scoop of ‘i believe my way is right’ (’and my way Has to be right’) and then u get a lot of what i LOVE about Edelgard’s character

My favourite thing about Dorothea is really how she was the character that Hated the war. genuinely the contrast between white clouds dorothea & timeskip dorothea Breaks My Heart EVery Time I See Her !!!!! that and Spoilers!!! (her last words in AM unrecruited is edelgards name and i literally had to stop and cry about it for five minutes.) she’s one of the characters that post-war doesn’t have a Massive political stake in the war - like there’s her anger towards the current class system (another reason i bloody love her PLEASE give me angry feminine characters) but i think it’s her bonds with edie (or byleth&whoever if recruited) that keep her actually fighting in the war & it’s kinda different and i like that (actually i think she parallels/sends up/contrasts really really nicely with mercedes in that way)

my favourite thing about Marianne is just everything. how she finds worth within herself if you play VW (and the very very harrowing hc that she didn’t if you don’t), how she’s full of a quiet rage for the crest system but you eek it out of her as you play the game. how she’s still loved by the deers despite her appalling mental health (fight me on that canon) and the game essentially has her ‘save’ herself by finding worth and life within herself. i love her so much ok. (i also love her because she committed identity theft.. she and i share a name with the second dashwood sister oho (but i don’t use that name on the internet hhh) (also because my favourite shakespeare play is king lear (no really it is), my birthday is in red wolf moon too, i used to have very long hair i wore in a plait most days for school, little 11 and 17 year old me acted Exactly like white clouds marianne did & genuinely i love marianne von edmund to pieces but God it hurts to see her in game sometimes bc her journey mirrors a lot of mine & i love this character. so much.) WOW that was a lot. am i sure im not still drunk

so claude is not only one of my favourite characters in the whole damn game, but also shares the name of one of my favourite painters so i simply have to love him ;p however i can’t give a proper opinion on him yet because i haven’t finished playing deers yet :( but !! i love how (as is with all the lords) he has a veneer of personality to him, but in contrast to Edie where it’s quite seemless with her actual personality, Claude’s veneer of personality seems very opaque and plastered on. i may or may not just be wildly imagining things but he’s a very different personality in his lower supports with Lysithea than he is in his B support with Marianne, for instance. like, i love characters that are obviously a lot more socially intelligent than i could ever be, and claude is *chef kiss* BEAUTIFUL ON EVERY LEVEL.

i’d wax lyrical about Ingrid too but honestly there’s many better people out there with the good ingrid content than i could do. shortly, i love the New Take on the pegasus knight archetype she brings, and i really like her perspective on femininity !!! she’s such a good character & she brings so much to the game and to the pegasus knight character too!!!!! she’s such a bright personality and altho i wish so many of her supports weren’t centred around make-up (hhh dorogrid fans i pray for you), i think she’s really going to pave the way for whoever’s next in that character slot. (like, you can’t tell me she’s not an offshoot of Phila from awakening lmao)

no ok i’m adding in Hubert because i love this vampire man. i really really love the devoted servant archetype and we all know i love edelgard’s tragedy. and i love hubert. so much. the way he enables edelgard in pretty much everything is just so so interesting to think about, and i love his intensity about it. he’s like the ever present reminder that edelgard’s will kinda has to work otherwise the potential consequences of her being wrong are personified in hubert imo. it’s only touched on in VW in his letter but like. god i wish we got more but it’s a wonderful starting block. i love his comic relief as well, he’s such a fun character to have !!!! and also i have so many hubert fics in my bookmarks that just Get him. i love hubert. oh i love hubert.

i’m going to cut myself off there because . that’s just a LOT. 

as for characters i would sell a limb to have them talk to each other, honestly it’s Edelgard/Marianne. (and only 51% because of all the projection i have going on with those two ok don’t at me i  k n o w). that support chain would be too powerful and honestly i wish they had one becuauese it would have gone so Hard about what Edelgard was doing and what Marianne thought about it, and how they connected over it & they probably would have had their supports set over cups of tea or smth .. it would have been amazing. 

(but i’d rather have nothing than an awakening-level-content support where they talk about eating fucking bear meat instead of talking about how they grew to trust each other with and their ability to save the fate of the world HUH AWAKENING. (i’m salty about fredrobin forever)

also hilda/dorothea supports . we were robbed. they’re best friends and you can’t actually tell me otherwise. they run the disaster bi chat of garreg mach. honestly i just would Love a support chain for them that starts with them talking about self care routines and something really small like accessories or perfume and it goes into how self-esteem and how dorothea has to find the same worth in herself as hilda so easily can. (hilda’s the queen of self esteem she’s a babe) and in CF they could have dialogue and then we cry about it. and in SS they talk about how they both chose their place with Byleth and not at edie/claude’s side like i’m just free balling here it could be Anything and i’d love it. 

also big shocker .. dorothea/marianne supports . they both hate themselves in their profile CAN THEY PLEASE CHAT. 

also i accidentally fell in love with the claude/edelgard ship and i desperately need them to interact on the same level that edie and dimitri get to because.. aren’t there supposed to be three main characters huh intsys .. and like i get what the game goes for with two of the lords embroiled in a personal war against each other at the heart and the third actually finding something close to the truth because he’s not involved in age old grudge matches but at the same time That’s one of the things that really really falls flat for me in the game. dimitri’s villain is edie, edie’s villain is big dragon wife, claude’s villain is the lack of communication that everyone in fodlan suffers from apparently. lack of communication and lies. ymmv with what im saying rn but i would have preferred if all three lords had strong personal ties to each other and in Each Route it was brought up. or just snip dimitri’s dialogue out of CF because i have beef with how that WHOLE moment went down on so many accounts hhhh honestly it makes me angerey to think about lol

.. back on topic- can the lords pls talk to each other because it would be SO interesting in white clouds and i like seeing how their personality presentations clash

also . can i marry manuela yet. my crops are dying here.

.. im so sorry about this but it’s midnight and i’m too tired to edit so. have this. thank you so much for the questions!!!! very kind (and brave) of you to ask me!!!!! i had a lot of fun writing all of this & as always if anything you didn’t quite /get/ i’m happy to re-explain myself!! :)

[takemealivelh]

i heard i can send mike requests so here i am. i got this from a prompt list so iMagine mike coming to the restaurant you work at and choose you as his waitress every time just to annoy you and you can’t do anything in retribution or you'll get fired 👀 pls make it enemies to lovers😭 im a bitch for enemies to lovers aus ngl ok bye ilysm❤

HONEY SORRY IT TOOK ME FOREVER but you know I wanna give you the best content I can create and you deserve!

I present to you: Raspberry Chocolate MilkshakeThe title is not the best but I think it sums it up pretty well.

ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoy it!

/special thanks to @angelbabylu for helping me with this! Best personal editor ever!/

“Thank you for taking your time-”

“Fuck off, Clifford.”

“Wait, what did I do?”

Michael had been going to the same restaurant for a while now, and that interaction that took place three weeks into his newly found routine had been haunting him ever since.

He liked Chloe, she was nice to everyone and never yelled back at those men who tried to shame her for the uniform she had to wear. And she looked damn good in her uniform. The little black skirt hugged her hips close to perfection, the green button down complimented her skin colour. Her hair up in a snug ponytail let the dining lights define her cheekbones even more.

She hated it.

Chloe hated the way she had to suck in her tummy to zip up the skirt. She hated the roll of fat under her bra she had to deal with when buttoning up the polyester shirt. She hated how her eyes seemed to stretch into the back of her head when her hair was up. She felt like a tight blob during working hours, but she had to keep the smile on her face to keep earning the money.

Unfortunately, most money she made was when Michael was her customer. The musician who insisted on taking the wobbly stool at the end of the bar. The one who kept ordering drinks that weren’t on the menu. The man who took forever to decide what to eat, even if he’d been eating at the same place for nearly 6 months now, and then he changed his mind at the last minute.

“It’s all the same, Michael,” she tapped the pen on her notepad. Having been his personal waitress for long, they were already acquainted with each other’s quirks and manias. Her boss was both scared and excited about their interactions. She worried that Chloe was rude to the guitarist of 5 Seconds of Summer, but also liked that Michael seemed to enjoy it. “You can’t possibly find something that you haven’t tried.”

The bell of the diner rang to announce more customers had arrived. Chloe turned her head to the door and gave the family of three a friendly smile. Michael noticed her sudden change of demeanour and was crushed by how nice she could be, just as long as she wasn’t dealing with him.

“You always seem so happy to help me with my order, I feel honoured,” the words slipped out of his mouth in a playful matter, but really, he wondered when Chloe would actually be pleased to see him. Everyone loved her, and he could see why. Whenever a table got a cold meal and started complaining, Chloe would stand there and nod, listening to the others rant. She would apologize on behalf of the kitchen and promise to throw a couple of extra fries for the inconvenience. That always seemed to calm the worked up clients. She made sure every single shake she served had been topped with either three cherries or lots of chocolate sprinkles. Michael had never had to ask for another portion of whipped cream since he started having his lunch here. He took his whipped cream seriously.

“I love it that instead of helping me choose, your eyes are glued to that couple over there and their really cool kid that has a Pikachu hat.” Michael followed her gaze to the table with the family, a grin on his face.

Even when he tried to start a flirty banter, Chloe could only take it the wrong way. Maybe, if she wasn’t his waitress, she would flirt back. Maybe, she could take his words lightly and playfully nudge his shoulder before responding with something like, “My attention is valuable, Clifford. If you were wearing that hat I would even consider you cute.”

But she didn’t say that.

“So… the burger and a salad?” she jotted down his usual order and then walked away from him.

- - -

“Chloe! The stool is tumbling again!” Michael’s words echoed through the half-empty diner he’d been sitting in for the past hour. He so desperately wanted her attention, even if it came in the form of a frown. Her chest seemed to grow red when his voice hit her ears, also red now, and she set the broom aside before making her way to the end of the bar. She could feel her coworkers eyes on her. They kept teasing her that she needed to do something drastic, like ask Michael out on a date, or spill a shake on his pants so she would have to help him clean up.

The scenarios were several and varied, and none of them bothered her. But Michael could be such a jerk. Of course, the only reason he kept sitting on that shitty stool was so he could watch her bend down and stick another three sugar packets under the rickety metal leg.

Michael just enjoyed having her near, even if it was for a few seconds. He’d tried to spark up conversations about her job, but that only seemed to irritate her more. He’d tried to ask her about her hobbies or what she did in her spare time.

“My commute is 40 minutes long, Michael. I don’t have much time to spare,” was the closest he got to a real answer.

Chloe wiped the sweat droplets that had glided down her forehead, she stood up and shook the stool a little, it didn’t wobble. “There,” she whispered, immediately turning on her heels to go back to her chores.

That small movement, that uncalculated spin, caused her elbow to collide into Michael’s glass of raspberry-chocolate milkshake, the one she had begged the bartender to make even if it wasn’t on the menu. Michael’s eyes saw the fall in slow motion. Before he registered it, the liquid was all over his pants and her skirt.

“Fuck”, they mumbled at the same time. The faint laughter from the other side of the diner was obvious. That until they heard Chloe’s boss making her way towards them, apologizing for Ms. Clumsy’s earned title.

They were told to go to the back and they obeyed, getting whistles from the other waiters.

“I’m really sorry, Mike,” Chloe had never called him Mike and he noticed. She soaked and wrung out a cloth before handing it to him, “it was an accident.”

Her eyes wouldn’t meet his, he could tell she was embarrassed, but he wasn’t good at dealing with awkward situations smoothly. “Was it really? I thought you just wanted me here in the back without my pants on.”

Clearly, the joke was not amusing. “Oh, fuck off, Clifford.”

They remained quiet as they dampened their clothes, but the stain wouldn’t come off. He had a meeting in an hour, she had her mom’s birthday after work. The room was barely bright, crammed by boxes full of imperishable goods. Chloe didn’t want to do it, but she walked around a pile of boxes anyways, and took her skirt off. At the sound of the zipper being undone, Michael quirked an eyebrow. “What are you doing back there?” He wasn’t stupid, but he wanted to hear her say it. Besides, if she was taking off her bottoms, it wouldn’t be weird for him to do it as well. The damp cloth wasn’t working, he couldn’t see properly, his boxers were also getting wet. He was uncomfortable and just wanted to take the pants off.

“My mum’s turning 50 today.”

“What?”

A sigh came from the other side of the room, Chloe was sat on a small box and trying to get the stain out of her skirt with better lighting in that position. “She’s big on birthdays and she doesn’t like it when I wear anything but formal when she has people over. This is her favourite skirt on me. It’s the only thing she would like me to wear. Otherwise, she’d shove me into this hideous yellow dress she has for special occasions. It is uncomfortable and if I can avoid wearing that, I will. I can’t go back home and grab a pair of pants because then I wouldn’t be there on time, and she hates unpunctuality. Even though, she’s never, ever on time. Ever.”

“So… ever?” Michael stripped off his pants and heard something unknown to him until now. A light chuckle.

“Ever.”

Michael sat on a box and started working on the stain, the same way she was doing, trying to reach better lighting. He didn’t say anything else, this was the most she had told him about herself. This was the girl he had wanted to get to know for months now, but hadn’t been able to because any word that slipped from his lips seemed to annoy her.

Another sigh. “It’s not like I’m scared of her, because I’m not. I just want her to be happy today. She has a perfectionist side, maybe I got it from her, and I don’t want her to be bitching tonight about me not wearing something she likes. It’s not the point of tonight, is it? She’s been so scared of turning 50. I’ve told her that she’s not old and all of that, but I don’t think that’s what scares her. I think she regrets not doing all the things she wanted to do before turning 50, you know?”

Michael hesitated for a second, he wasn’t sure if the question was rhetorical or not.

“I don’t wanna be like that. It sounds exhausting,” she huffed and scrubbed the black skirt clean. “You’re not going to have that problem, Mike. I don’t think you will. And if you do, just remember that time you were in your twenties and had to sit in a gloomy room with no pants, listening to some waitress talk about her 50-year-old mum.”

That small chuckle again. Michael could feel his chest growing warmer. “Uh… I guess I’ll have to strike this off my bucket list,” he laughed lightly, she followed, he gained confidence. “Actually, I’m still scared.”

Chloe’s silence served as fuel to continue his train of thought out loud.

“I’m, uh… I’m scared that I’ll reach 50 and I’ll feel like that. I’m doing a lot of shit, Chloe. Like… a lot. And it’s fun, I’m having a great time and I’m putting all my energies into doing the things that I love but… what if I wake up being a 50-year-old man feeling unfulfilled? I know it’s crazy, but-”

“It’s not crazy.”

Michael rested his head against the wall behind him and sighed. He had never told this fear to anyone. “Thank you, Chlo,” he rocked his head towards her side of the room and caught a glimpse of her ponytail.  No other words were exchanged. For the first time, he enjoyed the stillness between them, unspoken complicity.

They put their garments back on when they were semi-dry and half-decently unstained. Chloe took a deep breath to suck her stomach in and zip up the skirt, Michael brushed the dust off his pants when he stood up. They felt closer to each other somehow. She hated to admit it, but Michael was actually a nice person. Once she let her guard down and was willing to accept his words, he was pleasant company. She’d been so hard on him. His awkward way of dealing with social situations wasn’t the best, but she didn’t make it easier either.

“Hey, Mike,” Chloe turned to face him before she opened the door back into the diner. His green eyes glistened through the pathetic fluorescent lightbulb. She seemed nervous, a cute kind of nervous, and he was eager to hear what she was about to say. “Do you…” she cleared her throat, “… do you want to go out sometime?”

“Oh my…” Michael’s laugh made her stomach drop and he noticed the flush on her cheeks, “Chloe, I’ve been trying to ask you out for months now! I can’t believe you beat me!”

TAG LIST

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[zackmephisto]

dirt watches aew

this episode changed me as a person

nick vs fenix NAME A MORE ICONIC MATCH

this is already fucking stunning no one ever @ me ever again

THE ADIOS AMIGO AND THEN COUNTERED AND THEN THE SEE YA I'M EMOTIONAL DON'T TOUCH ME

HOLY SHIT THAT ROPE SHIT INTO THE HURRICANRANA

oh god that's right they're both the younger brothers THIS IS POETIC

if u wanna show someone pro wrestling. this should be a match you show them.

was upset when nick got him in the sharpshooter just bc I didn't want the match to end

holy fuck that was so good

if this crowd isnt as hot for this women's match as they were just then i'm yeeting myself off my balcony

god I am so heart eyes for these women. could watch this for ages

THE REVERSAL

THIS AWESOME

god these two are so fucking good

shida won but tbh both of them looked fucking stunning in this match. could have ended any which way and i would have been thoroughly impressed.

what the fuck.

COWBOY SHIT!!!

HANGMAN BEING THE ONLY ONE WITH AN ENTRANCE THIS IS DIRT RIGHTS

orange Cassidy and chuck coming out during commercial is actually dirtphobic so nvm

o kip ok I'm interested

jimmy havoc ok. didnt he get his ass beat not too long ago

JUNGLE BOY AND MARKO STUNT I'M DECEASED

Pentagon!!!!

SONNYYYYY

joey!!!!

oh god. oh god. oh fuck its MJF OH FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!! god hes looking so tan and s*xy

how old is Billy Gunn now

OH OH GOD MY DUDE

CHUCKIE OH MY GOD THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

orange... I love you.

SONNY TWERKING THANK YOU

max.... i hate that I love you. but I do love you.

CHUCK HUGGING ORANGE LIKE THAT ME TOO

MARKO I LOVE YOU KILL HIM

marko :(

ew. staple gun.

this is big nasty

cant i have one dynamite where i dont have to see shawn spears

ok the asshole chants for max i want u 2 kno that i agree w the crowd but I still love u

ORANGE BEAT HIS ASS PLEASE IM BEGGING

THANK GOD

that's the most heel thing mjf has ever done. fuck him breaking up with cody. he eliminated orange

HELLO?!?!?!??!

please don't eliminate mjf my crops are dying

thank u wardlow. whoever u r

THANK U HANGMAN!!!!

ideally this ends with hangman and mjf. can you imagine that match? can you imagine my rights?

fuck you penelope ford what else have you done

JUNGLE BOY HOLY FUCK

OH GOD JUNGLE BOY AND HANGMAN but when did max get eliminated

OH HE DIDNT

oh my god.... oh my god it really is my rights...

SORRY AEW SAID DIRT RIGHTS !!!!!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M GONNA SCREECH ABT THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME

an upset? who was upset? i for one stan our southern californian kings

where can I get that blazer. so i can wear it with my tiddies out so jericho sees how ridiculous looks

me: shits on chris jericho

also me: sings hella loud to his theme

i have champagne should i pop it for him

ok me when i have to admit a customer is right and hager is my manager right behind me

OK THIS IS GOOD CONTENT SORRY

"Chicago has a hockey team and two baseball teams" and then the hard cut to the dude in the bears jacket made me shit myself

say bubbly. do it.

hager say sorry for jericho's dollar store headband challange

SCU LOOKS GOOD OMG

wait hold on can we talk abt how a black man handed chris "i played the grand wizard of the kkk in a movie" jericho his first L in a e dub

THE YOU GOT PINNED CHANTS FUCK YEAH

U GET UR DATE SCORPIO SKY

the melanie chants are sending me-

"i never meant to embarrass you" HEYOOO

"melanie gained a lot of weight since high school" "i like big butts and i cannot lie" SCORPIO MY FUCKING KING THANK YOU I OWE YOU MY LIFE

"I think its cuter than baby yoda-" ok... maybe he got it

MAKE IT A TITLE MATCH

FUCK YEAH OH MY GOD I CANT WAIT

oh my god scorpio sky i.... i...... I-

<censored bc minors follow me>

LE BITCH!!!!!! LE!!!! BITCH!!!!!!

hey sammy guevara 2008 dirt called she wants her maroon skinny jeans back

i'm kinkshaming proud n powerful

what did nakazawa and cutler ever do to anyone other than be good boys

scorpio sky finessed that title match and i'm frankly jealous

WHY BRING MARKO AND JUNGLE BOY THIS HURTS

LUCHASAURUS THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING

oh okay. okay. they're big. they're bug dudes. jesus damn.

can't blame hager. i wouldn't want to fight luchasaurus either i would have ran too he's big and clearly Better than u

big depressed that dynamite is only 2 hrs long

luchasaurus vs Peter Avalon???? ok.... ok.

"it looks like life has found a way" for this. i hope that peter Avalon survives for even a minute longer

anyway luchasaurus <censored>

good evening luchasaurus <censored>

i stan one dinosaur family and also luchasaurus <censored>

oh! private party and proud n powerful ok. dirt rights.

o the t shirt. maybe i'm crying.

that pin break holy fuck I love these two teams

holy vertical lift

i literally would have cried if they got that double stomp holy shit

Noah fence but this match needs to be faster bc i desperately need darby vs mox. my crops are dying

hurricanrana is still one of my fave moves in all of pro wrestling

isiah kassidy's leopard print ass. that's it. send the tweet.

that was so fucked up what the fuck???? i thot aye ee dub was better than that

Nick Jackson And His Ugly Shirt Make The Save

and thank god. would have sued if private party lost

DUSTIN?!?!?!?!?!?

i'm so <redacted> for mjf vs hangman none of you have a Clue

KENNY AND PAC SCREEEEEE

kenn...ny????????????

kenny :(

THIS! FUCKING! POP!

darby you dramatic fucking SHIT

god his theme goes so hard.

THE BODY BAG I!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M NOT READYYYYY

holy fucking shit.

is moxley huge or darby tiny

THAT NO SELL. JESUS.

suddenly I'm a whore all the sudden

i'm so goddamn tense I cant liveblog my butthole is clenched

the body bag moving is cool and I get it but it's also a little funny. maybe I'm drunk. per aew tradition. but it's a little drunk funny

don't talk to me I'm tense

AAAA!

oh my god he fucking killed Darby

yes darby lost but sorry. mox needed to paradigm shift him from the top rope to get the pin. that speaks. fucking. volumes.

[maximuswolf]

what exactly DO i have to ''THanK GoD'' for? via /r/atheism

what exactly DO i have to ''THanK GoD'' for?

when i was born, my parents had been trying for years. finally they have me, and oh boy am i a treat. i came out early, and almost suffocated whilst being born. ''ThAnK GoD'' they say, as if the doctors had not just spent multiple fucking hours working non stop to assure my mother could safely birth me. skip forward a few years, and i start acting up. more than most kids do. surprise, surprise! I have ADD and Severe anger issues, (mixed with a hearty serving of depression) but guess what? that's ok! because ''God mAdE Me spEcIAl!11'' so after a few years of my innocence still being intact, my parents send me off to school. a christian school. and oh boy was that fun. nothing like indoctrinating children before they can make conscious decisions! and you know what the worst part was? that i believed it. because that false belief would be one of the pillars of my life that would cause me to crumble. my parents thought they were doing the right thing, but in a way, that decision, the one i couldn't make would be the decision that led to my mental collapse. i was taught about how people of the same gender loving each other is a BIG no-no (spoiler alert: this will come in to play later on) and how if you don't believe in god, you go to burn in hell for eternity! because nothing says comforting children like telling them that if they are different that they will die horribly! but we were safe because, ''GoD madE Us In hIs iMaGe!1!'' skip forward another few years, and I'm into elementary school, public school. but the thing is, it turns out sculpting your impressionable child can lead to your child being a dick. because since i was taught to ''SpReAD GoDs WorD!'' i did. i told asked a friend whose mother had died if she believed in jesus. she did not. so naturally, i tell her that her sweet, precious mom is burning in hell in horrible agony, and that it's her fault she is there. i never told my parents that one, because it ate away at me for so long I tried to forget. than, around 3rd grade, i developed the thing that usually ruins everyone's life. a conscious and awareness. now, one of the things that came with my ADD is tics. so i would make sudden noises, and, naturally, since America knows jackshit about mental health, i was yelled at and called a freak. ''why would god make me this way?'' i would think. ''i thought i was perfect?'' haha NOPE. soon, school became hell. everyday i would come into class, get bullied, but push it down because i know at least GOD loves me, right? soon, it was too much for me. and i fought back. and you know what? im the one who got punished. and do you know what i was told when i got home from school that day? that god didn't make like this. BAM. shot to the heart. everything i thought was true, all of the relief that god loved me, and so I must be ok, were shattered. if god didn't make this way then why cant i control it? i began to lash out more. and my brain began to be affected even worse, my anxiety so bad i would hide in a corner crying all day. only to go to church the next sunday and be told how great god is, how he designs everyone in his image. which made me realize something. he made me like this. but if he made me like this, why is that bad? why does everyone hate me? why do i hate me? and i guess that was the point i was done. i had had enough. i became more reclusive, so angry that i was sent to a new school. a school for children with mental issues. or, as the church called it ''UnIquE GiFtS!!!1!'' everyday i thought about how i was like this, and that i was wrong. it wasn't my fault, but i was. and one day, i got so angry, so tired of the same thing, that i beat up my bus driver. and that was when i was sent to children's hospital. seeing my parents at the door, so disappointed in me, even though i wished desperately to know what i did wrong, what I did to make god punish me like this. and at night i would cry. i would lay in bed, looking out the window and that night, that night i had had enough. i cursed god out, i held him responsible for every terrible thing ive been through, i begged to know why he made me like this, if i was a mistake? will this be my entire future? living in pain, and betrayal? after children's i refused to go to church. and so i also refused to go to school, losing myself in creative outlets like minecraft and drawing, making a world where i wasn't hated. where I didn't hate myself. but you see, this was the mid 2010's, and kindle fire dont have a whole lot of storage space, so when my kindle inevitably crashed, i was destroyed. the world i had built for myself, the place i could be me was gone. it was like god had taken my life a second time. but hey! dont be sad! it's ''AlL In GoDs PlAn'' thats the problem. i dont want it to be part of god's plan, i want it to be part of MY plan. fast forward a year later, and im in middle school. and that's when i met billy. billy was a jock, a real ladies man, very athletic, toned, and well built, and when i was around him, i felt something. something i had never felt with a girl before. and so one week later, i went to church, and at church i asked my pastor about those feelings. he told me i was sick. that i what i was feeling was not of ''GoDs dESiGn'' and that i needed to try to change. so, i befreinded a girl, cera. cera also had a rough past, arguably worse than mine. her father was abusive, and her mother could do nothing to stop him. and one day, cera's mom, the only light she had left, died in front of her. had an aneurism, and fell to the ground dead. and guess what? she was put into the care of her father. i have never seen a person so angry, so completley shattered. she tried to jump into traffic. she ran and i begged her not to hurt herself. and than i watched a Mercedes Benz drive on the street across us. and i noticed a confederate flag on the bumper. how come someone so awful and immoral gets to have money? whilst cera, an innocent child who had her life robbed of her, got nothing? why would a ''gracious'' god do that? he wouldn't. because there is no god. and later that week, as i was sitting in my bathtub, a thought came to mind. trickling down my spine as i looked at the pair of scissors on the counter. it would be easy, just slide the blade across my wrists and with my artery cut, i would be free in moments. i would never have to feel this again. but my family loved me. and i loved them, because they really did. they only wanted what's best for me, so i didnt. i got out, and cried in my bed for hours. that brings us to the next week, im watching HGTV with my sister and mom in the family room, and i made a mistake. one of the people on tv was very attractive. so i said, without thinking, ''damn he's sexy'' cue my sister turning her head like that old meme of the groundhog, and immediately blurting out to my mom what i said. i was expecting hell, but she embraced me. finally, something was right. but god still said it was wrong, and my whole family is Christian. I'm 17 now, ive come out to most of my family. and i know they still love me. but deep down, i know that they think of me as unnatural according to their beliefs. and i have to live with that. and i also have to live not knowing what terrible chapter of my life will come next. so yeah, here i am, in online school, doing 1000x better than i ever have! my life is neutral right now. and I'm content. but one thing is for sure, if god IS real. he is NOT a good god. anyways, thanks for listening to my rant, and i hope your journey continues well!

Submitted February 01, 2021 at 01:51AM by leakytoquito via reddit https://ift.tt/3ovrT2g

[bbboar]

Rules: Tag 20 followers you want to get to know better


Tagged by: @varminties (thank u so much!!)

Name: Lex/River


Nicknames: Lexi (i get called Alex,Ally and Al on ocaassion but i do not like those)


Gender: none gender with left female


Star Sign: Gemini bitch


Birthday: June 20th


Height: 5′4″ / 164 cm


Age: 22


Sexual Orientation: ace


Relationship Status: im not ready,i’ll never be ready


Hogwarts House: hufflepuff!


Favorite Colour: Theres so many that i love!But hmmm id have to say blue and blue-green tones are my faves


Time Right Now: 5:45


What Are You Reading: Nothing atm but i kinda want to read the dark tower books so i can compare them to the movie


Last Movie You Watched: last movie i watched in the cinema was kingsman2 but on tv ....i dont rly remember....Maybe it was miss congeniality? 


Average Hours of Sleep: 7


Lucky Number: i dont have a lucky number but i favour 2′s and 20′s


Last thing You Googled: gmail


Favorite Fictional Characters: u gotta specify ffrom what thing


Number of Blankets You Sleep With: usually just 1 but sometimes i also cover myself with my furry blue blanket for extra comfort

Favorite Singer/Band: Florence and the machine,franz ferdinand etc


Dream trip: god theres so many countries i want to visit....idk man


Dream Job: i dont want to think about this TWT


When This Blog Was Created: Jesus....i thought it was 2012 but no i checked and its august 2011!!This blog is 6 years old!!!


Current Number of Followers: 708


What Do You Post: art,fandom stuff,jokes etc


Who Are Your Most Active Followers: lmao im not even active on this blog anymore so.....

When Did Your Blog Reach Its Peak: damn idk....depends on what if u mean like peak actvity or peak popularity.If activity then...probably anything before 2016,if popularity then idk...if i ever made any popular text post i probably blocked the notifications for it and then forgot about it.


What Made You Decide to Get a Tumblr: homestuck.I had just started reading and i desperately needed more content and a lot of ppl at the time had moved to tumblr so i did too


Why Did You Choose Your URL: i wanted a new brand that wasnt prince-related.Pigs are an animal i like and that ppl associate with me,but all the pig urls i liked were taken so i opted for boar related urls instead.


What Are You Doing Tomorrow: I have work and after that im going home lol


Are you okay: Ive got a headache but otherwise yeah


What do you create: i draw,write on occassion,am a fumbling GM.So all that.


What do you like to touch: if im out shopping and theres a furry blanket or article of clothing,i gotta touch that


What smells make you nostalgic?:  songs tend to make me nostalgic but not smells.Oddly enough i dont associate smells with memories even tho supposedly those two are connected


Hood, umbrella or nothing when it’s raining: usually i have my umbrella with me but honestly its annoying to use/carry so even tho i use umreallas,i prefer hoods.The only bad thing with hoods is that depending on the material,they might get soaked and also they dont protect ur eyes from when the rain goes directly into them,rendering you unable to see.


Do you like to add uppercase letters everywhere: im not sure what this means????

im not tagging anyone bcs im not super active on here anymore and i dont keep track of whose url is whose anymore