#like how the fuck am I supposed to know it's built to last and not a wobbly mess if it's never been used hello?

[moody-alcoholic]

Teasing

I spent the last 3 days doing nothing but writing. Now I'm going to sleep for a day.

MDNI +18, it's smut you know the drill.

Summary: Ghoap x Reader, throuple. Slow burn (sorry but not sorry). 2.8k words. Reader is female (she/her), army nurse, non descript physical features, names used: Ashe. CW: Alcohol, alcohol induced amnesia (I promise the drinking stops next chapter), unsolicited nudes (sending), language, mentions of sex, exhibitionism (kinda???), mentions of vomit. MDNI +18

Previous parts - masterlist

Enjoy <3

A day later you get the text you’ve been dreading. They’re being deployed. You don’t bother asking them where, they probably won’t tell you anyway. You spend the rest of the day moping, in and out of bed curling up on the sofa watching shitty daytime TV when you remember you’re supposed to be going out with Chloe tonight. She messaged you already asking what time she should arrive. You weren't in the mood to go out clubbing. You want to ignore it but then she starts spam calling you so you reluctantly answer. 

“I’ve been trying to call you all day what time are we meeting?” She asks.

“I’m not really in the mood to go out.” You reply hugging your knees as you sit on the sofa. 

“Come on Ashe, do you know how hard it is to get a Saturday night off when you’re working A&E.” That makes you smile, you definitely did not miss that. 

“Maybe we could just stay in watch a movie or something?” You suggest.

“No fuck that, I want to go out and get shit faced.” 

“I have alcohol.” You say.

“Compromise, there is this small bar, they have this local indie band playing tonight, happy hour, then we can see where the night takes us, 5pm sound good?” She asks. You sigh, at least it’s not a club. 

“Sure, text me the address.” 

“Hell yeah I will!” She shouts back. You hear an alarm in the background. “Shit, gotta go I’ll see you later.”

She hangs up and you go back to the TV. You look in the group chat, still nothing since the last message saying they were leaving. You text the chat asking them to text you when they arrive just so you know they got there safe. A pit forms in your stomach, what happens if something happens to them, people die on deployments. They could be somewhere in Europe. Most likely in the middle east. You try not to let yourself spiral maybe going out tonight would be a good distraction.   

—————————— 

You meet Chloe at the bar, she hugs you looping her arm round yours practically dragging you inside. The place is already starting to fill up and you can see people setting up on the stage. You make your way over to the bar and sit insisting on ordering the first round. Chloe catches you up on what you’ve missed at the hospital, talks about work and the hot paramedics. 

“How’s army life?” She asks sipping her drink. 

“Good, how’s Laura?” 

“We broke up,” She says, but she doesn't seem to upset about it, it must have happened a while ago.  

“Come on I have to set you up with someone! I am not letting you go home alone tonight!” Chloe said. 

“Well actually I'm kinda seeing someone.” You say, her excited squeals cut through the noise of the bar. 

“Tell me everything! Is he hot? Is he army? Does he have a friend?” She barrages me with questions. “Do you have a picture!?” 

“I don’t sorry.” You laugh at her enthusiasm. 

“What’s his name?” She asks. Shit.

“Johnny.” You say, okay remember which name you said. You tell yourself.

“Is he hot?” She asks winking. You think back to him walking round topless, laying next to him in bed. You nod smiling. Chloe scolds you some more for not having a picture, then goes off to ask another million questions you some you can’t even answer. The band takes to the stage and you move to the dance floor. You were right this is a good distraction. The band is good and you dance with Chloe through all the songs. At one point you end up at the front, the drummer catches your eye, he reminds you of Simon, well built messy blonde hair. You try not to think about it as Chloe grabs your hands pulling you back to dance with her. When the band is done she buys shots and you get another round. When she leaves to go to the bathroom you can’t help but check your phone to see if they’ve messaged back. Nothing yet, they’re busy you tell yourself. Chloe comes back and takes a sip of her drink.

“So you had sex with this Johnny yet?” She asks, you blush. 

“I didn’t get chance they-” Shit. “He was deployed before we got chance.” 

Chloe looks at you for a second squinting a playful smile on her face. She waves the bartender over ordering more shots. 

“So think he has a friend you can introduce me to?” She asks winking. No just a husband, you say in your head this time. 

“I’ll ask when he comes back.” You chuckle downing the shot. 

“Where is he?” She asks. 

“I don’t know.” There is that pit again, the pit of worry, you haven’t heard anything from them in almost 12 hours now. You try to push the worry away but it’s getting harder even with you getting tipsy. Chloe seems to see the change in your attitude and she pushes your drink towards you which you eagerly sip. 

“I have an idea.” She says giggling. “How about we head home, pop into the off-licence on the way.” You frown at her, she just giggles again. You nod it would be nice to get out of the loud bar, you wonder what she has planned. As soon as you’ve finished you head to the nearest off-licence buying a pack of cider and 2 bottles of vodka. You drink a can on the way back to your flat.

Walking though the city on a Saturday night is always eventful, it doesn’t help that Chloe is flirting with almost everyone, including the police officers you have to practically drag her off. You forgot how flirty she gets when she’s drunk. You walk home arm in arm stumbling over the pavements you almost forget about Chloe’s cryptic idea. At least it’s enough to distract you from worrying about Simon and Johnny.      

—————————— 

When you get home Chloe puts one of the bottles of vodka in the freezer, the cider in the fridge and pulls out a bottle of coke bring it over to the coffee table while you fall onto the couch pulling your heals off. She puts 2 glasses down filling them with way more then one shot of vodka and coke. She lifts her up you follow her. 

“Cheers.” She says and we click glasses drinking, I wince at how strong it is she laughs.  

“Okay what's this plan of yours?” You ask putting the glass back down. 

“Okay, so how about this.” She says getting to her feet going round to the other side of the coffee table. “Nudes.” 

“What?” You laugh, she can’t be serious.

“He’s deployed somewhere right, he’s probably just as desperate as you are. So how about you give him something to look forward to?” You frown at her as she waves her drink and arms around like she’s come up with the idea of a lifetime. You can’t help but laugh at her.

“I’m not desperate.” You reply. 

“Honey I had sex last week and I’m desperate.” She says shaking her head. 

“Yeah that’s cos you’re a fucking nymphomaniac.” You reply throwing a pillow at her. 

“Okay when was the last time you have sex?” She asks dodging the pillow. 

“I don’t know last year?” You say feeling a little embarrassed. 

“Holy shit do you even remember how to do it?” She asks pouting, you grab another pillow launching it at her. 

“Sex isn’t hard.” You say taking another big gulp of your drink. 

“No but good sex is.” She says coming to stand at the end of the couch. 

“I have good sex.” You say in protest. She chuckles. 

“I have great sex and you want to know why?” She asks as you raise an eyebrow.

“Because I tease them for like a week so when I see them they’re fucking feral.” You laugh again. Maybe Simon and Johnny should be with Chloe, she’s certainty more forward, she’s probably had threesomes, foursomes hell she was talking about a swingers cruise at one point. Maybe this is a good thing she’ll help you come out your shell a bit more. 

“Just imagine him so fucking desperate when you send him a video playing with your tits and he can’t do anything.” She’s crawling over the sofa towards you. “He can’t even touch himself he’s surrounded by like 20 men, maybe he even share’s it round and they all jack off to you.” 

“You’re fucking mental.” You laugh pushing her off the sofa, she falls to floor laughing. Now all you could think about is Johnny and Simon touching themselves over photos of you, hell touching each other. There is that ache between your legs, you reach over and finish your drink. 

“Okay, lets do it.” You say confident. Chloe doesn't need to be told twice jumping up off the floor grabbing the bottle of vodka and rushing into your bedroom. You follow her as she raids your underwear drawer, muttering to herself as she throws clothes on the bed. You sit on the bed taking your phone out, still no message, you hide the group chat. 

“Strip,” Chloe orders you when she’s done, opening the bottle of vodka and taking a swig. You sigh taking your dress off so you’re in just your underwear and bra. She looks at you like she’s inspecting your body. She bends down and hands you a red lace bra and underwear set. Its one of those ones you saw on the mannequins in Victoria Secret and just had to have it. It’s never left the drawer till today it still has the tags on it.

You start to strip as she rummages through your wardrobe for shoes. You pick the bottle of vodka off the bed and take a swig letting it burn your throat. You change stepping off the bed as she hands you some red heels she dug out the back of the wardrobe, you put them on, they’re tight you definitely haven’t worn these in years. She sighs admiring her handiwork.     

“Stay still.” Chloe laughs as you wobble round in the heels. 

“Are you sure this is sexy?” You slur as you come to a stop.

“Trust me if you send him like 100 nudes he’ll be happy for ever.” She passes you the bottle of vodka, you take a mouthful. It fills you with confidence. 

“If I send him 100 nudes he might block me.” You laugh. 

“Stand by the mirror it has the best light.” She says. You make your way over and she takes your phone in her hands holding it up. She puts it down for a second brushing hair behind your ear. 

“How do I stand?” You ask not really sure what you’re doing. She comes over adjusting your body into a position, it feels unnatural but she assures you it’s sexy. 

“You can smile at least.” She chuckles as she starts snapping photos.

“Actually bite your lip.” She says a second later. you start to wobble and she instructs you to sit on the bed and take the bra off. At least you’re sat down now as she passes you the bottle after taking a drink. You throw some back then put it on the bedside table. 

“Man it’s such a shame you’re dating this guy,” She says joking. 

“We could never date, it would be like I’m fucking my sister or something.” You chuckle pulling your heels off. 

“True,” she replies nodding and bringing the camera back up. “Let’s give him a good show, God gave you good tits to show them off!”

You laugh and start squeezing your breasts, pinching the nipples trying to imitate what you’ve seen people do in porn. It definitely does not feel sexy. 

“Relax, Jesus woman don’t be so stiff just do what feels natural.” She says putting the phone down.

“None of this feels natural,” you reply slightly embarrassed, maybe this was a bad idea. 

“Just touch yourself the way you would want him to touch you.” She says, you nod as she brings the phone back up. 

“You’re starting to sound like a sleazy porn director.” You joke. 

“One of my many stunning personalities.” She says flicking her hair with her free hand. You take a breath in your head swimming as you move your hands over your body. You wonder what it would be like if they were touching you, would they be firm? Soft? Johnny’s hands were soft surprisingly. Before you have chance to psych yourself out again you move your fingers too your breasts. You could imagine Johnny on one Simon on the other, moving in sync. The ache comes back between your legs you can’t ignore it now. You pinch your nipples and it sends shock waves down your body, you let out a moan before you can stop yourself.

You almost forget Chloe’s is here filming you until you hear her mutter praises, telling you where to touch next. It must be good whatever it is your doing. It feels good, it makes you miss them, makes you wish you had had the confidence to fuck them before they left. You remember the way they kissed you imagining their lips all over you, soft little kisses or a rough tongue exploring your body. Your hand finds its way into the front of your underwear. You stop yourself pulling it out looking at Chloe, in a drunken horny haze. 

“Are you sure you’re not desperate?” She asks putting the phone down. You turn around grabbing a pillow and throwing it at her. She laughs catching it and throwing it back. You fall back on the bed. Holy shit you could not wait to see them again.         

—————————— 

You wake feeling like death warmed up. Dragging yourself out of bed to the bathroom to hurl into the toilet. Your whole body shaking as you pull yourself into the shower turning it on and letting the water cool you, you have fallen asleep in your underwear, you don’t remember much after coming back to the flat. What time did Chloe leave? You will have to call her. When you feel less shaky you attempt to make your way back to bed but you end up with your head in the toilet bowl again.

When you finally do make it out the room and into the kitchen you see the cans of cider in the sink you almost have to run back to puke again. Instead you fill a glass with water swilling your mouth then gulping the rest down. You fill it up again and head back to the bedroom, picking a shirt up off the floor and throwing it on. You crawl back into bed and close your eyes trying to stop your head from spinning. 

You don’t know if you fall asleep but the next thing you know is your phone buzzing. You reach over to see it’s Chloe. You hang it up, you’ll talk to her later, at least she made it home you don’t remember her leaving. When the call vanishes you see you’ve got a text from Johnny. 

You really know how to tease a guy, my God. Stunning! xxx

What’s he talking about. You squint opening the phone and going to your messages. That’s when you remember it hits you like a truck. You feel like you’re going to throw up again forcing yourself to swallow hard. The nudes, the touching, HOLY SHIT. You almost don’t to open the message, but you have to look, you have to be sure. There it is pictures and a video of you. You don’t even bother scrolling all the way up you just start typing out a word vomit apology. When you send it there is an almost instantaneous reply. 

How’s your head? xxx

It makes you smile of course Johnny doesn’t mind.

Like I’ve been run over by a train. xxx

Simon says drink plenty of water, he liked the show too ;) xxx

Of course Simon has seen it too. You can’t tell whats still adrenaline from the shock or your horniness making a reappearance but you don’t care. There’s a burning between your legs something you’ve never felt before. 

We’re flying back tonight how about we pick you up for breakfast tomorrow? We can spend the day together? xxx

You have already typed back yes before you brain fully registers it. You close down the chat and message Chloe. 

He loved it! He’s back tomorrow we’re going to spend the day together. 

Okay this good feeling inside is amazing. Maybe this can be something you can make a habit out of when they go away, makes time pass quicker you guess.

See! I told you, make him go fucking feral <3

[fingertipsmp3]

Hi yes for the love of god hello. Why the fuck can I hear bees or wasps or some other sort of buzzing insect, either in my walls or in my neighbour’s living room, in January

[lisztig]

how are there so many people buying easels just to use them as decoration??? like what are you trying to achieve? are you trying to fool people into thinking you're artsy????? PUT YOUR ACTUAL HOBBIES ON DISPLAY?

[cry-ba-bys]

YOU'RE AN ANGEL I'M A DOG OR YOU'RE A DOG AND I'M YOUR MAN YOU BELIVE ME LIKE A GOD I DESTROY YOU LIKE I AM

[occamstfs]

Chauffeur Swap

Another epistolary TF ! Cocky office worker to an equally cocky gym bro, trait swap + IQ Drain aplenty -Occam

Monday May 6th

Morning 

I’m beyond thrilled that I’m finally being looked at for a promotion. I’ve worked my ass off for this company ever since I graduated and I am not going to let this chance slip through my fingers. It’s such a good gig, in the week leading up to them filling the position they’re letting us use the company’s chauffeurs as just one little hint of the luxury this promotion will afford us.

At least, that’s what I thought before my driver arrived to pick me up and I saw what a slob of a man my driver was! I mean my word! I thought it was a prank or something else untoward! I’m sure he could tell too, I could not muster even a shy smile, nothing to do but grimace. God and that was before I got in! He must have just been an Uber hired or something because it smelled like a locker room in there! Truly vile!

God willing this is a one off occurrence, hate to get the oaf in trouble. Though judging by the state of his hygiene though he clearly needs to be taught a lesson somehow! I mean even with this job I couldn't afford to buy cologne enough to hide that stink- perhaps some dog-strength febreze- Ha!

Evening

Godddd fuck! The last thing I needed after such a stressful day was to be greeted by that animal’s face- worse yet, his SCENT! I underestimated just how grueling this interview charade would be. It is just one final hurdle to the big leagues though. I will leave petty contrivances like suffering through this unpleasant car ride behind.

Just to make the time pass with greater speed I put forth some small talk. Not like I could hold my breath near long enough to make a difference, and it couldn’t hurt to vent about what a hassle the day had been hm? After this though he started talking about himself and fwoh- could I not care less about whatever surely protein-fart based drivel or beer-brained diatribe he launched into. 

Perhaps this is unfair, I did not deign to listen to him. So perhaps he’s better than he seems. But who could blame me, sitting in that car was punishment enough to earn me tuning him out. And! And! For him to have the benefit of the doubt surely he could at least wear deodorant! Hm. Unless he is trying? God that would be depressing, to be so, ugh- I continue to hold out hope I never see him again

Tuesday May 7th

Morning

Mm, I simply must develop a better poker face if I am to continue to suffer in this odor for the week, god forbid even longer- I have prepared accordingly however, yesterday no one mentioned it at work but I swear I kept smelling it, him, all day? Same when I got home, just everytime I calmed down from work bam! I smelled this horrid car ride. I am bringing my cologne to work with me, I plan to put it at lest once more when I arrive at work.

It’s just, Why is this my problem right! I don’t know what his problem is, but I don’t see why I have to suffer because of it right? I should not have to deal with someone like this, he’s supposed to be working for me. I uh, it’s not like I think I’m better than him I just, well I am better than him. Hm, I lost my train of thought. 

Ugh, I keep spacing out today- I’m sure it has to do with my twice-daily rides with, hm. I don’t even know his name. It’s? You know I don’t care. I just need to take it easy, I’m not letting this fucking dude-bro pitstain of a man bother me this much! I’m getting my bag and he is not worth a second further of my, uh, attention.

Evening

I have a headache and I don’t know how it is his fault but it has to be. This whole thing is setting me on edge, I need to chill about Ben. That’s right Ben! I got his name, I actually told him about my headache and he told me that he usually meditates to clear his mind- which crazy that someone so, despite all appearances, mindful treats his body like a sty but- Well not a sty I suppose, or at the very least a well built one- 

Ah, that’s not quite appropriate is it. God he is hot though. Honestly sitting there just breathing in his, uh, scent, helped with the headache. Wait no, it was the meditation, God, why can I not stop thinking of his fucking B.o. My headache was gone but now I feel I’m beginning to run a fever, or at the very least I need to turn down the AC or something-

Better not affect my work tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8th

Morning 

Not gonna be a good one. I fucking woke up late which ive literally never done before! I barely got myself up and ready in time and didn’t realize until the car but I didn’t bring my cologne with me. It turned out to be the least of my problems however as when I got in his car I fully spilled my coffee all over the backseat. Hopefully this will mask his putridity because I now have to sit in the front with him for the ride.

He must know. He has to know it has to be some kinda sick, uh, fetish or something. Its untendable untenable. god get your shit together Jacob. Its so hard to focus on anything else now that Im sitting right by him. I need to talk to someone about this, fuck its like hes exposing his pits on purpose. He wants me to stare at him, i bet. Bet he gets some sort of sick rise out of me. Im sure him and all the other chauffeurs probably get together and jack off about how repulsive and, uh, strong they all are.

God Fuck! Get me out of this car im losing my mind! Need to, ill just get some work done on the commute, should help i think. God its getting hot in here again or something, so help me if this fucker starts actively sweating im gonna lose it

Evening

i just couldnt get anything done today i dont know what was fucking up dude? it was just so hot in there and i mustve forgotten to put deodorant on this morning, people kept complaining but i didnt even notice? i guess i was sweating more than usual, but like, it was so hot in that office and my clothes felt weird, tight almost. As if tho, lol im sure no one even really noticed that i was off.

OH speaking of, Ben really put himself together on the ride home today. He was wearing a button up and everything, must have seen how nice im living and got his shit together! Maybe ive been to hard on the douche? nah car still smelled like shit haha! Or i think it did? didnt really notice it until like halfway thru?

Fuck my clothes are so tight all of a sudden, godd its so hot actually. I look fucking huge in this tiny little monkey suit- almost like Benjamin ha- as if id stoop so low, even if i started getting massive not like id be dum enough to be on his level lol

Thursday May 9th

Morning

Fuckin couldnt find ANYTHING this morning dude! it was like someone came in and took or hid everything i need for work today. ended up having to just fuckin leave for the car without a suit jacket- pretty sure ive got an extra in my office tho so were chill there. mm probably shouldve shaved tho lol

Oh yeah the files! i had some reports that i needed to bring in but totally couldnt find them! Turns out benjamin had them the whole time it was weird, guess i left them last night. but he was like such an ass about it, like he knows anything though the uh, jock, jerk uh. hes actually dressed better than me rn isnt he. Finally threw on a dress shirt, surely inspired by me haha- pulling it off quite well too, his chest hair peaking up through mm-

Fuckkk dude my cocks kinda getting hard looking at him, starting to smell musty in the car too, wait oh shit i didnt even notice that it didnt reek when i got in! weird that its starting to stink now tho whats up with that, looks like hes finally noticing tho ha! its nice to see him finally react to how bad my uh, no how I GOD, how bad fuckin’ he stinks obviously. whatever, ive got more important stuff to think about.

Evening 

okay work was like, not fuckin chill today. idk what was up but like, every little thing i did today just wasnt good enough apparently like okay?? you know me, if something seems off clearly, fucking OBVIOUSLY it uh, i? god my head just keeps going blank i dont get it, im just. Huh, kinda smells like Ben all of a sudden, oh fuck lol my pits have completely sweat through my shirt-

None of this matters anyway though bro! Because i just had the BEST sesh with Ben after work!! honestly the work shit doesnt even bother me, shouldve seen me its like i am a natural at this shit i was getting a pump like ive done it a hundred times. im sure it smelled like a locker room on the ride home lol

OH! I didnt even say, it was all ben’s idea!!! he said the gym always helps him when uh, things get too hard to think about and fuckk bro hes so right. hes so, lol i almost said hes so smart- he definitely knows how to work out though, he kept helping me with my technique but im prety sure he just wanted an excuse to touch me- 

not that im complaining LMAO- every time he did it was like i felt myself getting stronger, and less worried about all those yes-man suit fuckers! hed adjust my arms and i would feel my biceps just suddenly pump larger, hed bump his hands into my pecs while spotting me and theyd just force the bar up even faster, wish hed just go ahead and grab my cock lol

theres time yet too- gonna crash at his place tonight! hopefully ill get to see him put his magic fingers and tight body to use cause fuck bro idk if it was the pump or what but i dont think my balls have ever been this blue, like any time i try to think about, oh ughh, work i just. mm everything in my body just begs me to fucking blow a load- 

Friday May 10th

Morning

fucker just went to bed early- got me all riled up and then i had to jack off alone. felt way better than usual tho, my cock seems bigger to lol, dk whats up with that. wanted to try again this morning but ben was just on my fucking ass trying to get me out the door 

i didnt have any of my clothes, duh, so i just threw on some of his, crazy how much they fit me? they even kinda already smell like me lol. he actually put a suit on which seems wild, funny that i look like a slob and he looks like some uh, fancy guy. Like i should right? uhh is my headache coming back? lol idk but looking at him in that fucking suit sure is making it hard to focus-

ben said i can just change n stuff when we got to the office, its why hes dressed up. ill go ahead and drive us and then hell just run up and get my clothes, idk if theyll fit tho? feel like im larger than i was for some reason- oh yeah my massive fucking pump lol- 

mh speaking of pump, maybe while hes up there ill have time to jack another one out, not like anyonell see or care ya? like its a problem im about to be the fuckin alpha of this company or uh, something. itll be done before hes back, only evidence will be cum stains on his clothes lol. ugh it smells so fucking dank in here i might just cum without touching it lol

Evening

shit man, dont know what i was doing? i feel like i was supposed to go into work today but ben says from now on im just his driver. which easy gig right lol? doesnt even care that i dont shower huhuh-

he got his big promotion today!!! he looked so smug and hot when he came down to tell me, and he promised wed have some fun about it when he got home tonight- just gotta drop him off at some stupid fancy dinner ill probably hit the gym while hes there. gotta keep it up or ill look like some fucking dweeb

plus that means ill get the car totaly filled with my bo- hell fuckin love that, after he gets a good whiff no way wil he not want to fuck then and there huhuh fuck, kinda needs to get that exercise in now that hes doing whatever bitchass shit they do all they day up there needs to give in and just fuck me finally its been so, ugh long and my balls feel so full, and im sweating so much god im fogging up the windows loli better be careful i need to keep it together until then urgh- 

god i just smell so fucken hot

[fookingmuffins]

it's time to go

James potter x reader

Summary: Angst. You love James, but it's time to go.

Warning: cheating, screaming and James being a dick.

A/n: lmao I really ran after posting like 4 fics, but I'm doing a little better and even though I'm stressed with uni I've been dying to write something, so I hope y'all enjoy. (This actually took me so long to finish and i dont lobe the ending but i needs to move on, oops)

You sighed as you prepared to open the door to the house you shared with James. Once upon a time, you would've rushed in without a second thought. But lately the war had taken a toll on the two of you. Once happy moments were now filled with fear and dread, making you feel like you were drowning. And no matter how hard you tried to hold on to the love of your life, you could feel him shutting you out. James had always been an open book anyone who ever met him knew that, but lately he had built this wall meant to keep you away, only you. At first, you tried to understand and be patient considering everything you two were going through, but after countless fights of you begging for him to talk to you, you were tired. You squeezed your eyes shut once before pushing the door open and plastering a fake smile in your face, maybe today would be different.

"Jamie, I'm home, I brought your favorite from the bakery by my work!" you shouted into the house buy were greeted with only silence. After checking the house you realized you were alone which immediately sent you into a spiral of worry since James was supposed to be here an hour ago but deciding that maybe he had gotten caught up with something you tried to ignore your panic and start getting ready for your friend's Alice’s engagement party.

You heard the door open and close while you were finishing up with your hair, causing you to get up and genuinely smile when you saw James make his way to the bedroom that the two of you shared.

"I was wondering where you were, I got you some pastries they are in the counter." you tried, but he just gave you a tight-lipped smile with a wave before passing by you to your shared bedroom. You went after him and saw he was getting ready to jump in the shower. Figuring it was going to be another quiet afternoon, you sat at your vanity staring at yourself in the mirror holding back the tears threatening to spill and ruin your makeup and just prayed that at the wedding maybe you two could have fun like you used to. You didn't even realize how long you sat there until you heard James get out of the bathroom and start getting ready, and you decided to just get dressed too and sit by the window with a book while you waited for James to be ready.

"Are you okay?" You were broken out of your train of thought by James’s question.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be. " You answered, giving him a similar smile to the one he gave you when he arrived.

"I don't know, you just keep staring into space, and it's kinda creepy." he tried to joke, but what once would've made you smile and roll your eyes instead caused a knot to form at your throat again, and you felt tears prickling your eyes once again.

"Well what am I supposed to do is not like I can talk to you anymore James you always shut me out, and I don’t know what to do anymore to get you to bring down the walls that keep shutting me out! I don't even know what I did for you to shut me out!" You couldn't help but let out everything for the millionth time, hoping that maybe today would be the last time you two were having this conversation and that he would finally open up and let you two go back to normal.

However, you soon realized that it was only wishful thinking because James immediately lowered his head and mumbled "For fuck's sake y/n not this again"

"Yes, this again, James! Please talk to me! Stop shutting me out, please!" you were a sobbing mess by this point, begging him to let you in, not caring if you ruined your makeup.

But James just shook his head and walked out, "I'll wait for you in the car while you get cleaned up, we can't do this right now, or we’ll be late." just like that, he left you alone frozen with mascara running down your cheeks. You felt numb and just quickly tried to clean up but when you were done and staring at your reflection stare back at you with puffy red eyes you just felt pathetic.

On the way neither one of you talked James kept his eyes on the road while you looked out the window too lost in your thoughts to realize your usual music that would usually be playing while the two of you drove was not playing, James realized, and he felt like he was suffocating in the empty car ride.

The wedding was beautiful and despite your problems you couldn't help but imagine that one day it would maybe be you and James standing in an altar professing your love in front of all your friends and family. You turned to look at him as Alice and Ben were sharing their vows, only to catch him staring at Lily, and she was staring right back at him. You felt something break in you as confusion overtook you. Why is he looking at her?

Was she the reason that you were slowly getting kicked to the curb? Back in Hogwarts everyone knew that James was obsessed with Lily but when she finally gave him a chance things just didn't work out. Then you caught James's attention, and the rest is history.

You tried to focus on the happy couple in the altar as the ceremony came to an end, but you felt someone was stabbing you and twisting the knife.

By some miracle during the reception James asked you to dance which shocked you, but his eyes seemed so sincere and like they were almost begging that you couldn't help but to foolishly be filled with hope once again. As you took his hand, he genuinely smiled at you again the way he used to with that same boyish grin that made you fall for him 5 years ago.

The two of you danced in the center of the dance floor spinning and laughing around, you had not been this happy in so long. After a particularly long fit of giggles, James pulled you closer and looked into your eyes with a spark that the two of you hadn't shared in months. When you two were about to lock lips, someone cleared their throat besides you two and the two of you pulled slightly away.

"James could I have a word with you please?" Lily asked looking at James who immediately pulled away from you and went with her after telling you he'd be right back. Just like that you were brought back to reality the cloud 9 that you had been in for a little bit long gone, and again the sinking feeling invaded you, feeling like you were drowning. You needed a drink.

You went to the bar and after getting your drink you decided it wasn't enough, and you needed air. You walked out of the salon where everybody was and made your way to the garden, and that's when you heard it.

"James! You said you two were over, but it sure as hell doesn't look like it! I can't beli-"

"I know, I know, but I can explain Lily please! I-I-I came here with her because she was embarrassed to come alone, so I promised this would be our last outing together." You felt your heart stop, air getting caught in your throat.

"What? That doesn't-" Lily started as you felt the glass in your hands slip and shatter on the ground.

Both of them froze and looked at where you were standing, you could feel a knot forming in your throat but glared at the pair in front of you with tears forming in your eyes.

"Y/n I can explain!"

" I think both of us want an explanation, James, but she deserves it more. Y/n/n I'm so sorry I had no idea you two were still together." Lily went to walk away and James was about to chase after her when she heard you scoff and as you turned around.

"Say goodbye to Alice and Ben for me, would you? I have to go." you rushed out before basically sprinting to the nearest exit, hearing James chase after you, which wasn't hard considering he was taller than you and an athlete. He grabbed your arm when you two had made it to the parking lot and turned you around.

"So that's why I'm getting the cold shoulder." you blurted out before whatever he was able to utter whatever shit excuse he was going to tell you. You almost wanted to laugh, which made you feel like you were insane, but you thought about all the hours you had spent over the past couple of months looking in the mirror trying to see what was wrong with you, overanalyzing every tiny detail in your face. Laying in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying everything you had done that day that might have set James off.

"No no baby, I swear it's not what it looks like, Lily is just bitter we didn't work out, and she's trying to sabotage us! I've just been so stressed because of it, and I am so sorry I let it out on you."

"Bullshit James! You were literally just talking shit about me before i showed up and ruined your little act." You were seething by this point, and James flinched after your outburst. You had never been one to scream, and he knew that, but right now you honestly felt like nothing was the same and you weren't the same. "A-and you wanted to chase after her and you know what? maybe you should. Maybe you have a better shot at getting her back because we are over James Potter! I-I am so tired... I-" You were crying from all the different emotions you were feeling at that moment. Finally getting some enlightenment about why your relationship was dying gave you some relief of the crushing pain you were feeling being hunted by the "what if's" and "why's" you weren't the problem.

James tried to get close and wrap his arms around you. god he felt like an idiot for hurting you. He honestly doesn't know what he was thinking. He had hoped you never found out and had planned to break up with Lily soon enough, but he just needed to explore a little what it could've been like if he had stayed with her. Plus the thrill of it was something that James had loved for the time being, but he never wanted to hurt you. His heart broke at the sight of you, he couldn't imagine what you were feeling.

"Don't even think about it! Don't ever touch me again don't ever look at me, I hate you so much Potter, I don't want to know anything about you from this day on James! We now mean nothing to me, we are strangers!" You glared at him in a way he had never seen you look at anyone, and felt his heart drop.

He tried to protest, feeling the tears leave his own eyes at the idea of losing you completely forever. But you just turned around and walked away.

[yunietunie]

Coming Home. [nsfw]

Months without Johnny while he was in deployment led to lonely nights, lonely thoughts, and even more lonely needs. Caught in a rut when he returns home and decides he needs to have some "dessert".

F!Reader, smut, MDNI, established relationship, boyfriend!Soap, pnv, unprotected!sex

Months. It had been months since you last saw him. Off to some bloody deployment where he risks his life all for the sake of his job. You had to be no-contact to ensure Johnny’s safety, and perhaps even yours. Sure it irritated you because the distance made you fear he’d never love you again when he came back, but what could you do?

Finding yourself in your lonely house, it was quiet. The same routine for the repeating months. Wake up, eat, work, come home, eat again, sleep. It was boring, but it’s all you could do while you slept in your empty bed. Sometimes muttering to yourself about something that irritated you. 

Thoughts constantly run through your mind rent free, churning your stomach, preparing for the worst. But then the thoughts soon turned into something else. Instead of churning, a low pressure built in your lower stomach as you sat on the vacant couch by yourself. He should be back soon right? You didn’t know how much longer you could just deal with your slim fingers instead of him.

You needed him. To fill your needy cunt. To tear you in half. His scent. His accent. His rough hair and stubble. Anything regarding him. You didn’t know how much longer you could do without it. As you kept thinking, your hand began to glide under your pants. The heat off your pussy was radiating. You were practically pulsating in how bad you needed it.

“Dinner first.” You remind yourself before taking your hand away and out of your pants. Walking towards the kitchen, you turned on some music to listen to as you made dinner for yourself. Slightly humming to yourself, taking out a pot and filling it with hot water then putting some food to boil into it. Probably some soup would taste great right now.

Your hips swaying as you began cooking, the smell of the soup filling your nose, made your mouth water. That was until you felt a large pair of hands on your waist. It made you jolt and immediately whip over to who the intruder was. It was Johnny. You were too focused on making soup that you didn't even hear him come in. He had a small smile on his face as he  embraced you tightly in a loving way.

“I missed you so, so much.” Johnny said, his nose falling to the nape of your neck, tickling the flesh from his breath.  His grip on your body tightening. Attempting to ignore the knot in your stomach, you hug him equally as hard, pulling slightly apart to place a small peck on his lips. A smile tugs to his lips.

“Whatcha’ makin’?” The scotsman asked you, peeking over your shoulder at the steaming pot.

“It's just some soup.” You replied with a small giggle.

“Would you like some?” You asked while looking up at him, his hands resting on your hips were driving you up a fucking wall. It was so good to see him, it really was. But man. The thoughts would not goddamn stop. 

“Of course, bonnie.” Johnny said with a grin as he sat down at the bar stool across from where you were cooking. After a few minutes you pour both of yourselves a hot bowl of soup, serving it to him first.

“So…. How was your deployment?” You asked quietly before sipping on your meal. A grunt escaped his throat as he put down his spoon, a small sigh after.

“Well, I am scurnned. Ol’ man wouldn’t get off my arse about anything.” Johnny would complain before divining back into the soup bowl once more. It made you wonder. You wish that bowl was you at that moment. Clenching your thighs together under the table, you try to simmer yourself down.

“Did you–at least get what you were supposed to get?” You asked, attempting to push the image out of your mind before you too went in for another bite.

“Aye. We did, me and Ghost.” He replied with a small smirk.

“Not to brag, but yer boyfriend is a wee bit braver than others, bonnie.” His accent rolled off his tongue with a stoic and cocky expression before he finished devouring his bowl. He sits patiently waiting for you to finish yours as well. Johnny’s eyes were wandering you and you knew it too. That surely didn’t help how you were feeling and the pressure began to throb sensely. You shook it off, the man JUST got home, you thought you had to give sometime before indulging.

After finishing your own bowl, you get up, the wooden chair scraping against the tile flooring. Taking both of your bowls, you walk over to the sink and place them in there, rinsing them off. You couldn’t help but feel his eyes bore into your back as you washed the dishes. Then you were on your way to walk out of the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” Johnny’s voice asked you from behind. You swivel your body to his tone.

“Oh, uh well I was just gonna sit in the living room.” You replied with a raised eyebrow.

“I haven’t had any dessert yet?” Johnny asked in a kind of curious tone, after getting up from the chair, he was now walking towards you.

“I think we have some chocolates in the pantry if–” Cut off by a pair of warm lips against yours. A hand on your waist as he began to deepen the kiss, which only made you whine in his mouth and your eyes widen.

Leading you by your waist back to the kitchen counter top where he then lifted you onto to sit upon, not letting his lips tear apart from yours. He placed a free hand in your hair then parted away from your supple lips. 

“Johnny?” You asked in question as to what he was doing, the knot returning to you. Your heart was racing a little bit more now as you looked to his eye level now. He seems to examine the kitchen counter top before returning his gaze back to yours with a smirk.

“I’ve spent months with outcha’, bonnie. I want yer lips on mine. I want to taste you in more ways than just yer tongue.” Johnny admitted as a hand slipped under your loose t-shirt, reaching just under your tit. An index finger just barely grazing the top of your already stiffened nipple, which instantly made your body pop with goose bumps. 

The dampness between your already messy pussy was hiding in your soaked panties. He leaned you back onto the cold laminate of the kitchen counter top, looking down at you with satisfaction.

“Can I have my dessert now?” He pleaded while he looked at your face. It already grew hot the moment he placed his lips on yours, but now, you swear your face could be used as a hot iron. You nod in response, giving him simple permission. That was enough for both of his hands to slide your sweats down, then throw them on the floor.

His eyes were met with a scene. It made him rock hard instantly seeing the wet spot between your thighs and in your panties with him barely doing anything. Slithering one of his fingers at the hem of them, pushing them off smoothly, disregarding them on the floor. Johnny licked his rough fingers until there was a sleek shine on them before sliding them in with ease. It had been so long since you had some type of girth within you, forcing a yelp from your throat.

“Better than yours, bonnie?” He would ask in a rusky tone before leaning down and placing his lips around your pulsating clit. While pumping you full with just two fingers, he sucked and nibbled on your desperate clit. It was like you were ready to cum right on the spot. You look down at him who was enjoying the pretty sounds you made while he ate and fingered you. Without a warning, he put another finger in. 3 in total.

Your moans turned into whines and whimpers while you writhed on top of the counter top under him. He made sure to make a mental note of your sweet spots and your singing voice. He always loved how loud you’d get with him, he loved knowing that only he could make you sound like this.

“Please– Just, right there, right there,” You begged as he finally hit your spot. It almost felt like you were going to die by overstimulation even though it wasn’t his dick just yet. He continued moving at his own pace, making sure to give your clit attention as well as your hands tugged and pulled at his mohawk.

It had only just started and you already came around his fingers and tongue embarrassingly quick. Having a few heavy and fast breaths leave your chest, he lifted his head and looked at you between your thighs.

“You taste so good. I fucking missed my girl.” Johnny would purr, his hot breath against your pussy, licking his chaps like some wolf in heat. He wasn’t done, not even close.

“Let me have you.” He said more than asked for your permission. You give another small nod in response. Then your world flipped upside down when he turned you onto your stomach, your legs dangling off the counter top. How he missed the sight of your perfect ass in front of him. 

He’d slap you hard once, watching your ass move to his touch, making him groan at the sight. It made you jolt to say the least.

“Such a pretty ass.” He’d whisper before placing both his hands on top of your butt, rubbing the skin slightly, just feeling you. Before you knew it, you could feel his twitching cock against your hot pussy. He’d rub against your slit, to prepare you before splitting you open. His tip would pop in soon after, making your body jerk at the feeling. It had been so long since you were dicked down.

He placed a hand on your hip for grip. A free hand grabbing a handful of your hair, making your back arch. Johnny stayed still with his tip resting into you, making sure you’d get adjusted to his cock once more since it had been a while. 

Not for long though. Sliding inch by inch, he was finally balls deep. His tip was buried into your pussy, pushing into your cervix which earned you a grunt from him. How he loved stuffing his cock so deep into you, making your walls a mold for him and him only. He would pull your head back by the roots of your hair, so he could reach even deeper into you.

“Jesus–” Johnny would mutter as he almost felt his own eyes betray him by fluttering slightly, engulfed by your warmth around his sensitive cock. That’s when his breathing started to get heavier, more shallow, more ragged. His thrusts began soft and gentle, making sure to hear your singing voice again.

Your eyes widened at the feeling of you being stretched apart again, now by his cock. You loved being his pretty cock-hungry girl. He started with deep thrusts, pulling almost all the way out and sliding back in slowly, just savoring the moment. You whined and whimpered. You were almost ashamed by how close you were close to cumming again.

“Im goin’ to fuck the shit out of my girl.” He said, pulling your hair again to bring your ear closer to his lips to make sure you heard him. You’d mewl as he continued to move at a steady pace, making sure to observe your shivering and trembling body underneath him.

Soft grumbles and groans escaped him as he fucked you nice and slow, plunging his cock so deep inside you, you weren’t sure if it’d come out. That’s when it happened, no warning, no words, no nothing before his hips began to slam into you. His hand moved from your hair to your throat just under your chin, his thumb resting on the inside of your mouth.

You’d wail and writhe under him as he pounded into you, bruising your cervix with his tip. His grip on your hip tightening, making sure to leave his hand print on you as a mark. Your slick pussy gives him access to sink into you. Your walls gripped onto his twitching cock.

“Yer such a good girl for me. Can you tell how much I missed you?” Johnny’s hot breath meeting with your ears as he whispered to you. 

“Taking me so well, naughty girl.” He’d whisper as he fucked you stupid on your kitchen counter top. Liquid would seep down between your thighs and dribble down to your ankles. Your legs quivered as you felt him destroying you from the inside. Your eyes began to threaten to throw tears out of them, even as your eyes began to roll to the back of your head. Your tits bouncing up and down with each one of his thrusts.

You were melting under him and he made sure to make you hear how good you made him feel. Nibbling your ear, grunting into it somewhat loudly, some were more airy. He was definitely in a rut, especially from not fucking your tight cunt for so, so long. This was his first thought when he saw you cooking in the kitchen.

“Let me make you cum, bonnie.” He pleaded as his movements amped up more, faster and deeper within you. You didn't think it was possible, but here he was, pounding you so hard you were sure you’d have to call off of work for tomorrow. His thrusts were vigorous, making some of the plates and silverware on the countertop rattle under it. Your moans were becoming louder with each one as you were coming close to finishing.

Your walls clenched down on him harder as you came all around him, some ending up running down your thighs. He’d let you ride out your orgasm as he whispered sweet nothings to you.

“I'm going to breed you, naughty girl. Let me fill you.” He said with a gravely and hoarse voice as he was getting closer to painting your walls white. Your cervix was pierced from his dick, it was burning you from the inside. But what's fun without some pain? With one quick movement, he wrapped his toned arms around your ribcage, just under your tits. Then he gave a last forcible thrust and ended up cumming into you, filling you with his hot seed.

He’d stay with his cock buried deep inside you, making sure to get every last drop out before letting go of your ribcage with his arms. Some of his cum would leak down your thighs when it began escaping out, even with him inside. Johnny would slide himself out after a bit and you laid yourself on the countertop, panting.

He’d move over and lean over you, giving you soft reassuring kisses on your lips. Your body shivered and twitched even after his cum would spill out of you some more. You were a complete mess.

“I missed my girl so much.”

[colourstreakgryffin]

asks are open!😘 How would L lawliet react with a shy I mean very shy girlfriend shes short about 5'2. And recently joined the task force to help her boyfriend

💕L💕

Omllll yeeessss! Another Death Note request! Let’s go, I like L too and I was waiting for him! Let’s do it!

Lawliet L

L was very against you trying to join the Task Force. This is definitely the most dangerous case in human history and you’re the last person he wants to risk to try solve it. He doesn’t care to risk his own life, but not yours

When L loves something or someone, it’s permanent and it’s strong, he was very against Watari joining, but he knows he needs Watari and the older man is not as included. L is a stubborn man and he won’t fold to your persistence

How did you manage to get onto the Task Force? L had no choice but to let you join, Light already seen you and his hands were tied by the members thinking a new Detective has joined. He couldn’t fly you out since it’d draw far too much suspicion. For the first time ever, the world’s best detective was stunned as he had to agree on terms he didn’t make

L supposes he doesn’t really mind having you around, it’s bad but not as bad. You’re intelligent, your skilled and you know how to handle yourself. Though, he isn’t a fan of you being apart of the Kira case for obvious reasons

Repeat it, L loves short girls so his significant other being shorter than him is like his actual dream. They are cuddle-sized and easy to keep track off. Even with how hunched he is, L is still packing quite the height and he towers you so suspect him to rest his chin on your head

“Aaah~ my favourite pillow has arrived. I am aware that I’m using your head as a headrest, you’re a suitable ‘small bean’ for the task. Why yes, I do remember what people your height are called and I’m called a ‘beanstalk’”

L is not a teaser about height, he’s a helper. You’re struggling to reach something high, he’ll get it for you. He will analyse the situation and suggest using a step next-time but at the end of the situation, he’ll help in anyway he can

L is a introvert so he understands your overall timidity. If you don’t want to be around the others, he will set up a private room for you that none of the members can access, including him if wanted. He has the money and power to do whatever the fuck he wants, and he is the spoiling type of boyfriend

Yes, I mean that L would send you money if you need it, he will rush around the headquarters to find your favourite blanket, he’s out the door the moment you mention a milkshake you’re carving. He will do stuff for you since you do so much for him, by merely being apart of his life and changing from him a glorified machine to a real human

The way you shyly approach him and Light to hand over the documentation files Watari gave to you whilst he was baking, is just so cute. Internal L is laying on the floor joyous at how adorable you behave, whilst external is politely thanking you

L isn’t built with any muscles(besides dem legs for real) but he isn’t above being protective over you, because he is. Light scared you with that one time he impersonated Kira to a horrifyingly good degree, L is gonna calmly argue with him then get into a fight

“Light. Could you please silence your strangely accurate impersonation of Kira. You’re frightening Dokusha— Hm? What reason do I have to ask of such a request? Well. She’s my partner in business and in life, she is important. Don’t do anything like that again”

L is slowly growing accustom to affection, please give him a break if he doesn’t respond or give it back. He does like it, he just isn’t trained nor knowledgeable enough in couple things. He puts research on those topics into his list so he can do better for you

Though, nobody else can do these things with L. Hold his hand, brush his hair, hug him. Nothing like that is allowed for anybody besides you and well to a degree, Watari but that’s different. You are always allowed in his private research room, most of the time, he wants you there besides him as he works

A cute weird thing L lets you do is latch onto his back. He does have a BAD back from the ten+ years of hunching but he loves feeling you clung onto him like a Koala. You are too shy to do it around the members but that won’t stop L from throwing you onto his back himself. He misses it

L keeps track of everything you like, do and more. He basically has a encyclopaedia of you and can recall every little detail. To him, knowing you like the process of scrubbing through hours worth of camera footage, is important as it shows how devoted he is to you

So tell him everything. He won’t forget any piece of info and he’ll write it down later as a needed backup, like he does for everything else non-Dokusha related. There’s two parts of his mind; Detective and Dokusha. He likes the Dokusha section a lot more

L is very loyal. Do you think he has anybody else waiting? Most women call him a freak for his looks and/or behaviour. You’re his one and only, he can’t throw you away, he just wants you sat besides him all the time. Where he can turn around and know you’re still with him

L shares his sweets with you more, as compared to somebody like Light, and you know he’ll get Watari to deliver whatever you want, whilst the other members get only what L requests for them. You are treated specially and he could care less that it makes him seem favouritistic, he is

L has a habit of mimicking you, kinda like a child. He follows you since your word is a lot more trustworthy. When you eat vegetables and meats with a smiley reaction, he is eating it too whilst waiting for your praise (Watari would struggle here, and he is a bit frustrated that his son listens to his gf, not his father

“Good morning— hm? I seem frustrated. Well… I am. Why is that? Don’t pretend like you don’t know the answer to that question, Dokusha. Yes, yes. I understand you fully. You don’t want me to die but this is my profession, and you shouldn’t be apart of this case. It’s too dangerous, you know how intense my feelings for you are”

[mrsharrington83]

Code Blue

Summary; The aftermath leaves Y/N second guessing everything in her life. Losing friends and witnessing her boyfriend of two years getting closer to his ex is enough to push her over the edge. Will they be able to pull themselves out of this hole that’s darker than the Upside Down itself? (For the sake of this fic, what happened at the end of the last episode of season 4 hasn’t yet happened)

Warnings; usual Stranger Things, things. Swearing, blood, injury, alcohol consumption, mentions of death and suicidal thoughts. If any of this is triggering, please don’t read.

A/N; I haven’t written anything in so long! It’s a long fic! 6.5K words, my longest on here yet. I apologise if this is bad, I’ve just been in a writing mood so thought I’d let out a lot of angst and fluff (we love it) I am a British writer (England) so sorry if things don’t make sense to you! Thank you for stopping by, hopefully my writing streak stays strong. Requests are always open. Love to all xoxo

The aftermath of the supposed earthquake had everyone second guessing. Some people left, other people were packing to leave. Having known what really went down, you sat in silence staring into your vanity mirror as everyone else you knew went to help the community at Hawkins High.

You just couldn’t stomach it. Cuts and grazes over your skin, tiredness evident in your eyes, your hair still clumped with dirt from the Upside Down, dried blood. You hadn’t even showered yet. You didn’t know how to process anything that had happened over the past 72 hours. You were accustomed to this kind of thing having it been a big part of your life for the past few years, the most recent battle however, took the biscuit.

Small Polaroid pictures littered around the back wall of your desk. Smiles, memories, better times. Max and Dustin when she stole his cap. They were in mid laugh so it was blurred a bit, but a happy memory that was stuck in time. That same Max was now in hospital, fractured bones, blind, unresponsive. Not laughing and joking with her friends, not happy, not anything. Doctors didn’t know if she’d ever wake. She was such a selfless soul, way beyond her years, but still so young. Too young. You all were.

Pictures of the group, you and your boyfriend Steve. A picture of you and Eddie during a D&D game. His hair all over the place, tongue sticking out, you laughing, Dustin in the background pulling a stupid face.

Memories.

Eddie.

Your best friend.

Gone.

Just like that.

He didn’t run this time, and fuck. You really wished he did.

The tick of your small clock dragged you away from the pictures, the light ticking mocking you, “shut up! Shut the fuck up!” you screamed from deep in your lungs, a howl so painful from your chest, putting what was left of your strength and upset from the past few weeks into knocking the blasted thing to the floor, hearing the glass and mechanics hit the floor in one swoop. It was a gift from Eddie one Christmas as you were pretty much always late. Bittersweet.

Guilt built in your stomach as you stood up fast, pushing your stool back with your legs, failing to the floor, cupping the bits of broken glass as sobs wracked your body, not realising your hands were clenched around the shards, the all too familiar claret running through the lines in your palm and down your fingers, dripping into a pool on the wooden flooring of the bedroom.

Your breathing hitched as you remembered Eddie die in your arms, the way blood trickled from his mouth. The look of pure terror on his face. He knew he was dying, but he kept it together till the very end for the sake of you and Dustin. His best friends, the people that were there for him no matter what everyone else was saying. You didn’t want to believe it. Dustin’s screams and sobs as the light left his eyes. You saw them gloss over. The way you both shook him, screamed into his ear, telling him not to leave you both behind. Your hands covered in blood. His blood.

Dropping the bits of glass on the floor, you pushed your feet and newly cut hands against the floor, the small slitters of glass that were still on your palm slicing deeper into your flesh until your back met the wall, your hands and body shaking, the tightness in your chest getting worse and you struggled to fill your lungs with air. You felt like you were about to pass out.

The past 72 hours had been, by far, the worst time of your life. You’d witnessed what you thought was your boyfriend of two years get closer to his ex, eyes can be deceiving, but there was something in his own eyes that glimmered whenever he spoke to Nancy, deep down you always wondered what Steve saw in you. Maybe you were just a knock off version of Nancy. Someone to keep him grounded in all of this. A warm body to forget all the wrongdoing in the world. Someone he knew cared about him. Perhaps more than he cared for you. You didn’t know that of course, it was just what your mind was telling you.

Your best friend had died for a town that hated him, Max, the girl who had adopted you as a cooler older sister after Billie died was lying in a hospital bed with the looming same fate, Vecna was still out there somewhere and you were sure there was even more danger on the horizon.

Even after everything that happened, your mum hadn’t bothered coming home. She was always away with her new man for weeks on end. She had called up one night before the phone lines cut out to make sure the house was still standing after witnessing the news, but other than that all you got was, ‘with everything that’s happened in Hawkins, I’m going to stay with carl for another few weeks, maybe more. Be careful out there.’”

You’d never felt more alone. You didn’t blame your friends or Steve. They wanted to help out, of course they did. You did too, but you were in no way the right frame of mind to be seeing people crying for their loved ones, talking to people that had lost others whilst you were reeling from losing your own.

You pulled yourself off the floor with great difficulty. It felt like you had a ton of bricks weighed down on you. Metaphorically speaking, you did. Though it wasn’t bricks, it was the weight of hurt and anger, of death piling up one by one. “Get yourself together Y/N. get your fucking self together.” Rummaging through your dresser, careful not to get blood on everything, you pulled out some comfortable lounge clothes that were bigger in size, purposely avoiding one of Steve’s t-shirts as you dragged yourself to the bathroom.

Putting down the toilet seat, you placed your clothes and rinsed your hands under the cold tap. Water on open cuts made you wince, but at least you felt something other than emotional pain. Watching your fresh blood mix with water and into the sink like a mini whirlpool was almost mesmerising. Picking out the last few shards of glass making the water redder with each bit. You were lucky water was still running. There were some parts of Hawkins that had no water.

Turning the dial on the shower you undressed. Peeling your clothes from your skin. Clothes you wouldn’t bother to wash. They would go straight in the bin. You had enough awful reminders on that night, you didn’t need more. Stepping into the shower, careful not to slip, you submerged yourself in warm, running water and closed your eyes, feeling old blood, mud and debris leave your tired body.

Steve had come home early, with both of your parents almost always being away you basically lived with each other. When your mum was away, he’d stay with you and if his parents were away, you’d stay with him. He had his own keys to your place, and you had your own to his.

Steve kicked his shoes off in the hallway, tiredness in his bones. The house was silent apart from the sound of water from the shower, you were at least out of bed. When Steve left this morning you were curled up in a ball with covers over your head, blocking out the world. He leant down and burrowed his head in your blankets kissing the top of your head, saying how much he loved you and that he’d be back as soon as he’d helped out in Hawkins High, with a running car it was easier for him to pick up robin and bundle Dustin, Will and Mike in the back of along with all the supplies, it was a squeeze, but not a long drive and with everything that had happened, the kids didn’t mind being on top of each other, breathing, alive. In truth, Steve didn’t want to get out of bed either. His temples ached, his bones felt heavy and the wounds he had were still throbbing, not letting him forget about the events.

He sighed and flopped onto the sofa, leaning his head back hoping to get the knots out of the muscles in his neck, tension. He didn’t want to disturb you in the shower, even though all he wanted to do was bury his face in your hair, your skin, breathe in the only place he felt safe, the only thing that made sense to him. Seeing everyone at Hawkins High, the missing persons post filled with faces he knew, faces he didn’t, the heartbreak of all of Hawkins. All he wanted was you, but instead he just sat there.

You pressed your head against the cool tiles in the bathroom as you turned off the shower, the familiar car engine shutting off in the drive, you knew Steve was back, yet you didn’t think you could see him face to face yet. You breathed out heavily and stepped out of the shower pulling a towel from the back of the door, wrapping it around yourself and another for your hair. Red staining the white cotton as you’d opened old wounds as well as your still bleeding palms that stung. You bent down to get the first aid kit from under the sink as you got to work on your wounds. You at least looked cleaner, your split lip and eyebrow not looking as bad now you’d washed, half of these injuries you didn’t even know when you’d got them, from fighting demobats to being thrown across the floor by Eddie when you tried to help, bruises from being pulled away from your friend as his lifeless body lay motionless, wounds from yourself from hitting the wall in desperation. You looked how you felt. Completely broken. You wrapped bandages around your hands and left it at that. Drying off and throwing oversized clothes on, you reached for the door handle, your hand visibly shaking.

Going back into your room you sighed at the mess. Somewhat thankful that Steve had stayed downstairs. Glass and blood everywhere. You grabbed a dustpan and a brush from a small closet next to the bathroom as well as the small towel you used for your hair, sweeping up the small shards of glass and discarding them in a small bin next to your bed. Wiping the claret up with the small towel and putting that in the bin too. You sat on the end of your bed once again staring at the pictures behind your vanity desk.

“Y/N?” Steve called up the stairs noting that the shower had been turned off for a while, worry lacing his voice. You could hear it.

“Yeah, I’m coming down.” You stood up and dragged yourself to the top of the landing. You could just throw yourself down the stairs and hope for the best. Hope you’d have an ounce of peace from your racing mind, but you couldn’t do that. You couldn’t bring yourself to take yourself over that edge, to make the people that cared about you lose another. You’d all lost too much. Begrudgingly you walked down the stairs, the illuminating light from the sun almost blinding you, you’d been living in darkness for the past few days, being in the Upside Down and then closing all the curtains upstairs as soon as you’d got back home. You’d almost forgotten how bright daylight could be.

Steve was waiting in the kitchen for you, his eyes visibly glowing when you walked into the room, as though you lit up the small space when you stepped in. A smile tugged on your lips that suddenly dropped when you remembered he was looking at Nancy exactly the same not too long ago. The same nagging thoughts you had earlier pulling you back. Knock off version of Nancy. Now that Johnathan was back, of course he came running back to you. Steve looked down to your hands and frowned, he didn’t remember you hurting your hands so much they needed bandaging,

“Sweetheart? What happened?” Steve was by your side in an instant his hands gently over yours as he inspects the bandages,

“I dropped some glass, not a big deal. Just got a little cut up in the process of cleaning it up.” You lied through your teeth, you couldn’t be bothered to talk about Eddie again and how you’d broken the last gift he would ever give to you out of anger. Steve continued to look at your hands, careful not to disturb the bandages around them,

“Do you want me to have a look? I can bandage these a bit better for you, make sure there’s no glass and...” you cut him off with a, ‘I’m fine.’ And pulled your hands away from his warmth, Steve looked a little deflated, but understood. All of you had patched each other up countless times that it was almost routine now, you’d learnt how to stitch wounds, what ointments and antiseptics to use, you basically had a mini pharmacy under your sink for things that people would never believe.

“Honestly, I’m fine Steve.” You forced a smile and went round the Kitchen Island feeling his eyes burning through you. Your house wasn’t the biggest, it was snug. The kitchen was weirdly one of the bigger rooms and probably the nicest, it was one of the only rooms your mum put any effort into before she started gallivanting around the globe. It was bright with several flowers littering the windowsills, yellow lace curtains to match some of the décor. How the flowers hadn’t died yet, you didn’t know. You never watered them.

You and the rest of the group had spent ample time in this kitchen cooking cookies and brownies for movie night, Max and Lucas always managing to burn popcorn, Steve rushing to open windows and flail a tea towel at the fire alarm to stop it beeping whilst Robin was toppling over laughing at Dustin with brownie mix all over his mouth, You’d also spent ample time in here with the older lot of the group, your mum had quite the alcohol stash. Probably enough to open a bar downtown. From several different bottles of vodka, gin, whiskey to wine, beer, cider and god knows what other potent liquid that did the job, which is exactly what you were heading for now.

Steve was slumped against one of the dining chairs as he watched you move around the island, he knew exactly what cabinet you were riffling through, “Ahhh, there it is.” You picked out an unopened bottle of vodka and put it on the side as you went through a different cupboard to pick out a decent glass.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” Steve sighed as he watched your every move, “I know things aren’t great at the minute, but we really need to pull together.” You opened the vodka and poured a small glass, turning around and leaning against the counter with your ankles crossed, the glass of vodka in your hand. You shrugged and took a gulp, the burning from the alcohol igniting your insides.

“Look, sweetheart, please.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, the lack of product evident, no one ever saw Steve walking around with no product in his hair, probably because without it, it was so fluffy and never sat in the right place according to him, “this isn’t the answer, that isn’t going to help. It’s not going to bring...”

“Shut up!” you screeched, smashing the glass back onto the counter, thankfully not breaking it, “you think I don’t know that, Steve? For goodness sake! How stupid do you think I am?!” Steve is taken aback, he’s over stepped a line and he knows it, “I know it’s not going to bring Eddie back it’s not going to stop what’s going on here,” you look around the room, “it’s not going to stop Max from being in hospital, it’s not going to stop those poor kids dreaming about what happened over and over again, how fucked they’re going to be in years’ time if they even make it that far, from losing countless people and battling these things over and over again, but maybe, just maybe it will stop my racing thoughts, the hurt, the anger, the resentment I have for this stupid fucking town for five goddamn minutes, okay?! everything is falling apart at the seams, we’ve all lost so much, I even thought you were getting cosy with Nancy again!” you bite your tongue getting caught up in the rift, Steve looked towards you bewildered. You turn back to the vodka bottle, filling your glass halfway, drinking it down like water and filling it up again, “I’m not asking you to understand Steve, I’m not even asking you to deal with this, you know where the fucking door is.”

Steve stood up from the table and walked over to you slowly, turning you to face him, moving the hair that had fallen so effortlessly over your features, “I love you Y/N, whatever you thought you saw between me and Nancy was not that. I’m happy for her and Johnathan, really. I’m so glad were now with the right people, the people who ground us and make this stupid crazy life worth living, you’re my muse. I would never do that to you, sweetheart. Not ever,” moving his hands over your covered arms, to your hands, holding them gently in his, “I’m not going anywhere Y/N, just please, I don’t want to lose you too. I can’t.”

You looked Steve dead in the eyes, his glassed over, tears threatening to fall. The beautiful honey eyes you’d got lost in time and time again, “Maybe you already have.” His hands let go of yours as he visibly slumped, and took a step back, you might as well have been holding a gun, a bullet to his chest with the way he was looking at you. Turning your back to him, your own tears threatening to fall, you grabbed the bottle again unscrewing the cap, pouring yourself another glass.

“What do you mean?” Steve is silent again, his presence still behind you, feelings of uncertainty heavy in the air, “Y/N, look at me please...” the defeat in his voice made you feel awful, this was your boyfriend of two years, the person that had stayed by your side that whole time, through everything. The good times and the bad, the way you both laughed, the random dates he took you on, sometimes even after work, some of which ended up being group outings as one of the kids had seen you both and then got on the walkie talkies as quickly as possible, they ended up calling that ‘code blue’ as the first time it happened Steve was in his Scoops Ahoy uniform, the movie nights, the late night talks, walks, your safety net, the countless jokes that weren’t even funny. Helping him with his hair, the days he was sick and you’d take care of him, and the days he would do exactly the same back for you. He never faltered, he was always brave, always stayed strong for you, for everyone, but here he was, seconds away from breaking down. A painful ache in his voice that cut you in half, the same ache breaking the last pieces of your heart that were still intact, you wiped your tears away with the back of your sweater, turning around to see Steve once more, pain drowning his features,

“I’m sorry, Steve. I can’t do this anymore.” he sucked in a shaky breath as a sob broke from his lips. Pain. Pain that you had caused. You finished your glass of vodka, keeping your back to Steve, you couldn’t watch him break, you couldn’t see the sadness and heartache on his face. As if he hadn’t been through enough recently,

“Y/N, please,” his voice was low, strained, as though he was bleeding out on the spot behind you, “don’t do this, we can get through this, we can get through anything, please just don’t...” you turned round to Steve his eyes visibly blood shot probably from tiredness and the tears that were free flowing down his cheeks,

“I’m sorry Steve.” You walked past him, a slight sway to your walk from too much alcohol in a short space of time on an empty stomach as you tackled the stairs, all you wanted to do was sleep, before you even got half way up the stairs you heard the front door close causing you to stop on the spot, your own sobs now tearing way through your body, this pain was tearing you apart, so much loss, but you had caused this last one.

You found yourself sitting on the end of your bed looking at the pictures behind your desk once again, would you ever feel that kind of happiness again or was this the new norm? A burning hole in the middle of your chest that was once whole and pushed together in the shape of the people you loved. All of those memories seemed like a lifetime ago, how time and life could be fleeting, oh how you took it all for granted.

***

Two weeks had passed.

Two long weeks.

Probably the longest two weeks of your life.

In those two weeks you’d had almost everyone knock on your door, mainly Robin and Dustin, “Y/N, open this door right now or I promise you I’ll put a brick through your window and climb in there myself.” Dustin shouted as he looked through the small glass patterns on the front door for signs of movement, “I’m not joking Y/N.” Dustin looked around your drive and picked up half a brick, “ten seconds, Y/N!” finally he saw movement and put the brick down on the grass, you opened the door and huffed,

“Dustin, every day for two weeks, ae you not bored yet?” He pushed you aside gently and kicked his shoes off before throwing himself onto the sofa and turning on the small TV as if he lived there, “and how can I be of assistance today?” you stood in the doorway of the living room, you no longer had the bandages on your hands, the cuts on your hands were hardly visible now, your other physical injuries were also doing much better, some might not even scar, not that you cared about a bit of scarring,

“You look like shit,” Dustin looked back at you and scoffed, he wasn’t wrong, you’d been wearing the same kind of clothes for two weeks, anything you could get your hands on. Mix matched sweats and sweaters, sometimes Steve’s t-shirts, on a very rare occasion you treated yourself by wearing a pair of jeans. Your usual full of life hair was lifeless and scraggly from the lack of brushing, your eyes blood shot from lack of sleep, red lips from gnawing at them constantly,

“Well, love you too, Dustin,” you rolled your eyes and went to the kitchen fetching juice and cookies on a tray, “so what is it today?” Dustin cleared his throat and made his way into the kitchen, taking a few cookies off the tray as he took a seat around the table drinking juice you’d bought specially for him,

“It’s Steve,” your breathing hitched as you looked to the floor, biting at your already raw lips, you pulled a second chair out and sat opposite Dustin, taking your own cookie and nibbling at it. You hadn’t eaten well for two weeks now,

“What about him?” you took a swig of your own juice and sit looking towards your younger friend,

“Don’t give me that, Y/N. I know you still care, Robin tells me things, y’know, and you’re not someone that doesn’t care about people,” Dustin shook his head, “this act is bullshit, Y/N. Steve is over there wondering what he did wrong, what he can do to help you, he’s broken, Y/N and none of us can get through to him, ne needs you and you need him and we need you both. We need our kick ass non babysitters back. We need to stick together. We can’t all break otherwise what do we have?” you bit the inside of your cheek letting Dustin talk, you had been unfair, everything in this world was so wrong and you were breaking the only good thing in it,

“I’m scared, Dusty,” you looked to him and he nodded, not wasting time to eat more cookies, all the kids loved your cookies,

“We all are, Y/N. you know this isn’t over right?” you looked down knowingly and started to play with the patterned table cover, “Steve needs you, I need you, we all need you. You know Eddie wouldn’t want this right?” you breathed deeply at the mention of his name, “you’re the bravest person he knew, he told me, and do you know what else?” you looked up from the table, “he loved you and Steve together, he saw how happy he made you and that’s what he wanted for you. He wanted you to be happy.” You sighed, breath shaky as a tear fell from your lashes onto the tablecloth you were playing with moments before,

“Well he got one thing wrong, he was the bravest.” Dustin put his hand over yours and gave it a light squeeze,

“Please just come and see Steve? Everyone is round there trying to cheer him up and he looks just as shit as you, if not more. If you don’t come with me, the others are going to try one by one, I’m the nicer one.” He stood up from the table, hopeful,

“Dustin I can’t,” disappointment clouded his eyes, “I can’t go over there empty handed, help me make some cookies?” the usual toothy grin from Dustin was back, one you hadn’t seen for a such a long time, one that made your heart swell. You loved those kids so much and you’d do anything to protect them, you felt bad for wallowing in in your own self-pity when everyone you cared about was going through the exact same thing as you. You’d nearly lost the one thing that made sense and you were going to try and not let that slip any further. You and Dustin got to work on the cookies, not failing to get flour all over the surface and yourselves. Once the cookies were in the oven and cooking, you looked over to Dustin, “Keep an eye on the cookies for me? I’m going to try and sort this out a bit,” you pointed to your mop of a hair as he grinned and nodded, picking up his walkie as you left the room,

“Guys, it’s Dustin, over.” He waited for the usual static of the walkie patiently as he pressed more buttons hoping to hear from the others,

“Hearing you loud and clear, Dustin, what’s the status, over.” Mike was on the other end, uncertainty in his voice, but hugged by hope, Will, El and even Lucas in the background hugging over the other walkie talkie hoping for a shred of good news. Max was still in hospital, though in good hands. There was hope that she’d still wake up, she was strong and a fighter. Lucas sat by her bedside every chance he got, but he too needed fresh air sometimes, to see his friends. Being cooped up waiting for someone to wake up wouldn’t do anyone any good if it was constant. Same four walls day in, day out. It took some time for him to realise that however.

“Guys, we have ourselves a code blue. Over.” Dustin chimed excitedly as the rest of the youngsters screamed in joy, they were out of ear shot from Steve and Robin, all around the pool as it was such a lovely day in Hawkins, warm with a light breeze hitting the trees and pool every now and then causing small ripples, birds still chirping. Even amidst all the uncertainty and heartache, life could be beautiful.

You looked into the mirror having put a little bit of makeup on, an extreme rarity for you with everything that had gone on the past few years, you’d finally put a brush through your washed hair and changed into something more you, high waisted jeans, a black t-shirt and a light denim jacket you could take off if you wanted, you felt the warmth through the bathroom window as you looked at yourself in the mirror once more, “presentable.” You could smell cookies downstairs signalling Dustin had kept to his word and kept an eye on then, not letting them burn. You hurried down the stairs with a skip to your step and twirled to Dustin who was standing in the hall with a cookie jar in hand, ready to pack them once they’d cooled a little,

“There’s the Y/N I know! Yes!” Dustin fist bumped the air with his free hand wishing the cookies would cool down faster. You gathered your shoes and a small bag to put your keys and anything else you needed in,

“what if he doesn’t want to see me?,” you stopped in your tracks, looking at Dustin unsure, “what if I’ve hurt him too much and he never wants to see me again?” you play with the hem of your denim jacket, backtracking, wondering if this was a good idea after all,

“you’re the only person he wants to see, Y/N. we just invite ourselves in and he’s too nice to tell us to get out,” you shake your head,

“You know that isn’t true, he loves you guys as much as I do, even if he’s in the worst mood possible, he’d always rather have you guys around, you know that,” Dustin nodded, putting the cooler cookies into the jar sealing them tightly, “did you bike over here?” you questioned as Dustin shook his head,

“I didn’t,” he grinned and dug his hand in his back pocket, pulling Steve’s car keys out and waving them in your face, “he doesn’t know, obviously,” Dustin shrugged as you shook your head and put your head in your hand laughing in disbelief, a real laugh, something you forgot you could do,

“Dustin! You could have caused an accident!” you tried to sound serious over your laughing that just wouldn’t stop,

“well, you don’t see many cars on the road these days after what happened, maybe people are too scared,” he shrugged once more, “not me, now. Let’s gooooo!” Dustin ran for the front door, cookies in hand, and his small backpack you didn’t realise he had draped over a shoulder,

“Ahhh. Not so fast, keys!” you extended your hand to Dustin, Steve absolutely loved that car, sometimes you wondered if he loved that car more than you and okay, Dustin got there safely, but now he was in your care he wouldn’t be driving that thing,

“Spoil sport,” he ginned as he handed you the keys stepping out into the outside. You took a deep breath. The smell of the outside you hadn’t seen in weeks. The light breeze through your hair the sun tingling against your skin, butterflies and birds, nature. Things you hasn’t stopped to look at for such a long time, “earth to Y/N,” you shook your head and walked towards the car, opening it for you both.

 You hadn’t driven in forever, was it something you could forget? Fastening your seatbelt, making sure Dustin did the same, starting the car and opening the windows, you pulled the sun visor down, a small Polaroid falling onto your lap. You turned it around to see a picture of you and Steve, your heart beating against your chest as you ran your finger over the photo. It was the first one you took together, before you were even official. Halloween 1984. That stupid party, the night Steve and Nancy broke up. You found Steve crying on the back step, you spent the rest of the night trying to cheer him up. One too many beers, weed and a stupid camera, “he kept it...” Dustin looked up at you as you put the photo in the dashboard opposite Dustin,

“Of course he did, he keeps everything,” you didn’t know that, you didn’t say anything further as you pulled off the drive, it wasn’t a long drive. It was actually an easy enough walk, you didn’t live far from Steve. The nights he would randomly turn up at your house and throw pebbles at the window even though no one else was in the house, small memories making you smile.

The drive was quiet, Dustin looking out the window the whole way there, your heart still hammering against your chest, would people be happy to see you, would they hate you, would things be the same, what the fuck were you going to say to Steve? Pulling onto his drive, things got too real, you heard laughter from the other younger people of the group outside as you locked up the car, Dustin rushing to the back gate with cookies, though before he could you were tackled by El, Mike, Will and Lucas, “Y/N OH MY GOD YOU’RE HERE!” mike exclaimed as you laughed with the kids, some of them sopping wet from the pool, of course they still loved you, “we all missed you so much, it’s so good to see you” you ruffled everyone’s hair, something you always used to do when they were younger, something you still hadn’t stopped, tears in your eyes, you smiled, for once they weren’t sad tears,

“I’ve missed you all so much, I’m sorry I haven’t been around, I’m sorry I haven’t been stronger for you all.” They all hugged you tighter, understanding, when did they all grow up?

“we all understand,” Lucas looks at you empathetically, “Max would want us all together, so would Eddie,” you hugged them all just that little bit tighter as they lead you into the back gate, not much had changed in Steve’s back yard except the grass was unkempt, the pool still clean somehow, “we will let you talk to Steve now,” you took a deep breath and looked towards the back sliding doors Robin leaning against them smiling as she ran out to hug you,

“Oh praise the heavens you’re here, I cannot deal with him in there for one minute longer,” you looked towards robin apologetically and she shook her head, “none of that, Y/N. Go see him, bring our Steve back, yeah?” she smiled and sat next to the kids, stealing one of the cookies you made.

You made your way into the house, the house that had so many different memories, you kicked your shoes off and put them where you always do before poking your head into the living room, Steve’s back was towards you as he was staring at the TV something you guessed he’d been doing for the past couple weeks, a lot like you really. His hair was too dishevelled and free of product, but oh fuck did he look like home. “If you’re there to try get me outside in the pool again, Robin I swear to fuck I will change the locks on this house.” He signed defeated and tuned round, his pupils dilating, shock on his face, the evident bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, “Y/N?” he scrambled off the sofa as fast as he could, scared you were a figment of his imagination, “is... is it really you? You’re here...” he stood opposite, reaching out to you,

“Steve...” tears welled in your eyes, “I am so, so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I didn’t want what I said, I was so lost in my own mind,” he pulled you into a bone crushing hug, “please forgive me, I’m so sorry,” you pulled away to look at him, tears in his own eyes as he brushed your free falling ones away with his thumb, “I love you so much, I was so scared of losing you too that I fucked up and lost you anyway,” he pulled you back into him, the smell of cedar, bergamot and a slight hint of cigarette smoke, home.

“You didn’t lose me, sweetheart. I love you, more than anything,” he pulled you into him, lips crashing together, cola Popsicle and a small hint of your home cooked cookies that Dustin must have been bringing to him secretly. Everyone loved your cookies. He pulled away and smashed his lips against yours again over and over, the taste of salt now from both of your tears, small lazy kisses planted all over your mouth as he pulled away, your lips slightly swollen, his honey eyes full of life once more, he was never going to let you go. He pulled you flush with his body, your head resting against his chest, as he ran his fingers through your hair, “you’re my home, Y/N. Wherever you are. That’s home to me. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, okay?” you kissed him again, your cherry chapstick smearing over both of your mouths,

“you’re my home too, Mr. Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington,” you looked up to him, a smile on your face, no longer crying as you knocked your hip with his. The emptiness in your heart glazing over a little, the pieces of your broken heart slowly reconnecting, the feeling of life, love, family.

“Have you seen my hair right now?” he ran a hair though it, washed, but lifeless. “Give me a minute, yeah? Put a movie on.” He kissed you softly before sprinting out of the room. You sat on the sofa you’d sat on countless times as you went through old rentals that would probably never be returned as the video store was one of the places to be destroyed, you placed a VHS in the TV as Steve bounded down the stairs, his hair no longer lifeless and messy, but perfect. Your smile so big your jaw could dislocate, “better? The hair is back,” he grinned and jumped over you on the sofa, “Return of the Jedi? One of my favourites.” He pulled your legs over his lap, both of you draped over the sofa like nothing had changed, his hands caressing your knee, smiles not leaving either of your faces.

“GUYS, CODE BLUEEEE.” Dustin shouted from behind the sofa as everyone else bundled in, “and look at that, Farrah Fawcett spray,” Dustin grinned,

“That’s top secret, dude!” Steve shook his head, a genuine laugh falling from his mouth as everyone pulled blankets and cushions around themselves, your cookies in hand. A good old fashioned movie night, things were going to be okay, you looked over to Steve, his eyes glistening as he squeezed your leg. The people you chose as family, Robin in the corner of the room beaming for the both of you. Both of her best friends back together, where they belong. There was a long road ahead for all of you, but at least you’d always face these things together. You were all so much stronger together. A team. A family.

[goodboyyyy]

Your phone dinged- it was an email from your college. You'd been waiting for it all summer- you'd been dying to know what dorm you'd be in and who your roommate would be.

You were super excited for college, to be around other smart people, especially since you were going to an Ivy League. You'd kind of been an nerd in high school, but thought that in college, brains might be appreciated over brawn. You'd imagined it a lot- being around other smart people who could actually have a discussion, instead of the homophobic idiots you went to school with, the dumb jocks you had to take classes with, all the dumbasses who cared more about football than books and things like that. You hated being around these idiots more and more every year. Even though you always wished you looked more built, you never let yourself work out or go to the gym. You didn't want to be anything like them.

Grinning, googled your roommates name excitedly and found an Instagram….

Your jaw dropped. This had to be a joke.

He looked just like every stupid muscle head jock you been trying to get away from! You, scrolled and scrolled, hoping your opinion would change, but every picture was just him at the gym, or faxing, or at some party scene like a beach. He was really hot, but you didn’t really want a hot roommate, you just wanted a cool roommate.

You sighed, closing your laptop. There was no sense stressing about it now. You couldn’t really tell how a person was from a picture, anyway. Maybe he was a cool guy who just happened to work out.

But then school started, and your roommate was worse than you imagined- an annoying, pompous jock who thought he knew everything. All he talked about was lifting, dumb motivational sayings, and partying. He wasn't actually dumb- but that just somehow made it worse. It just added to his smug, superior attitude knowing he wasn't a typical dumb jock- and he loved to hear himself talk, always went on and on about everything to show you how much he knew. He wasn't even that douchey- he was just annoying as hell, always thinking he knew more and better, always acting like this great person so people would think that about him. He was even hotter in person, until he opened his mouth at least and the dumbest shit you ever heard seemed to come out of it without fail every time. Now, every time he spoke, he rolled your eyes and automatically tuned him out. It was the only way you could bear having to room with him.

It was awful at first, but the year is going by pretty fast. Before you knew it, winter break was here you were busy packing the last few things to head home. Ironically, you were as excited about going home as you have been to arrive at college. You couldn’t wait to be by yourself, away from this idiot, and not have to hear him or hear about working out or anything like that for a couple of days. Suddenly, your phone dinged. You went to grab it, but your roommate was right next to it, so he passed it over to you. His eyebrows raised as he stared at the screen. “Shit, man.”

“What?” You said as you took the phone. It was a gmail notification.

FLIGHT CANCELLED.

Your stomach dropped. You were already leaving late because your last final had been on the last day the school was open, at the dorms and closed for break that night at midnight. You lived across the country.

“Fuck! What am I supposed to do now,” you said more to yourself and more out of frustration than to him. You didn’t even consider that his dumbass would have any ideas for you.

“Well, why don’t you come stay with me for a little while?”

You looked up at him, eyebrow raised and pretty surprised that he’d offer, till you remembered he was too dumb and clueless to realize how much you didn't like him. You wanted to tell him it was fine, no thanks… but you had no other options now, aside from maybe sleeping in the airport till the blizzard passed. That could be hours or even days, though

“You mean it?”

“Of course man! Look, I know we’re not like, best buds, or gym bros or anything like that, I’m not just gonna leave you stranded here. I’m heading out in like an hour. You can come stay at my place a night or two until you can figure out another flight.”

It wasn’t ideal, but like you’d already realized, you had no other choice right now. You packed the last of your things and put them in his car. The snow was already starting when you left, and came down harder and harder as you drove the 20 or 30 minutes over to his house. You were kind of scared sometimes, but he was actually a really good driver. Anytime this car slid or skidded even a little, it was like he knew exactly what to do to get it back on track. His big muscular arm bulged now and then as he gripped the steering wheel tight when the Jeep had fishtailed briefly a few times, and you caught yourself staring at it a little too long more than once. It was honestly really impressive to watch, you would’ve been freaking out if the car skidded at all like that, but he stayed totally calm. Maybe he did know a thing or two after all.

He already texted his parents and explanation of why you were coming, so they had a plate the food ready for you when you arrived. You weren’t that surprised to see the rest of his family was kind of like him. He had a brother who was like a little jock in training, and a Dad who was like a veteran jock. The conversation was pretty similar to what you’d expected – nothing really substantial, with each of them nodding dumbly every time one of them said something equally dumb.

Once dinner was done you headed upstairs with him.

"So, there's a guest room, but there's also a bed in my room that used to be my brothers. I think you should sleep in that one. It'll be a lot more comfortable."

"I dunno-"

"C'mon man! It'll be just like at school! Plus, there's a bathroom in there. Otherwise you have to share with the rest of my family," he said with a big dumb grin. You sighed. He was just so oblivious, but he had saved your ass letting you stay here, and you didn't want to be rude.

"Alright, fine," you said, heading into his room with him. You saw a picture of him and his brother on his dresser. They were identical. A gold chain necklace was draped over the frame.

"You guys were twins?"

"Yeah..."

"Where did he go?" you asked.

He shrugged. "Fell in love with some girl from another country. Out of the blue, he told us he was moving there with her. Had a big fight with me and my parents over it, and hasn't talked to anyone since. It really sucks. He was my main gym bro."

"Ah, that sucks," you said, not sure of what to say.

"Anyway, lets get to bed," he said, sliding his shirt and pants off. It was a shame he was so dumb, because you would have thought he was so sexy otherwise. He'd been right though- this bed was really comfy. You drifted off to sleep after a few moments, exhausted from packing.

He slid out of bed, opened the closet, and pulled a pair of his brother's old gym shoes out. They were so rank he could smell them from a couple feet away. He slid them under your bed quietly and stepped back, watching the smell seep into you. Your nose wrinkled at first, but he smiled when you started to draw slow, deep inhales of the scent. Then, he pulled his sweaty gym clothes out from earlier, wringing them out into a cologne bottle he left on the bathroom counter.

"Night night, future gym bro," he said, getting back under his covers.

You woke up the next morning feeling groggy and lethargic. When you opened your eyes, you saw him in the bathroom with the door open, doing the same morning routine he did at school. The thing was, you never really saw him do it that much, because you always avoided using the bathroom when he was in there, otherwise he'd start talking your ear off. He was washing his face. His thick muscles shifted with every slight movement. You knew he was showing off, but fuck was he sexy. It was early and you were still pretty groggy and horny and half-asleep, so much so that you found yourself staring at him, unable to look away. You felt like an asshole, suddenly. He'd invited you here in an emergency, and you'd been rude and judgmental the whole time. His chiseled abs contracted as he bent over the sink and scrubbed his face.

He must've felt your gaze on him, because he turned over to you. "Hey man," he said, "Yo. c'mere. You gotta smell this cologne I just got."

You rolled your eyes, but instead of being annoyed, you smiled. He was so cute, in a dumb way. You got up and walked into the bathroom, pulling your boner into your pants elastic so he wouldn't see it. It was good you did, because you felt your cock surge as he raised his arms and sprayed the cologne into his muscular pits.

His biceps peaked as he did. He looked like a model. And the cologne smelled amazing. He noticed you watching him flex and smirked. "You like those, huh? Haha," he said with a laugh.

"Uh- yeah man, really cut... ha ha" you said, trying to play it cool.

"We could get your like that I think," he said, gripping your tiny arms with his big hands.

"Haha, no thanks," you said, stepping back. Still, the scent of the cologne drifted over to you. You had to admit, it smelled pretty good. Kind of familiar, too.

"C'mon man, why not?"

"The gym really isn't my thing."

"Have you ever even been?" he asked, giving his pits another blast of cologne.

"No. Just really not my thing," you said. You got another huge whiff of the cologne just as you turned away from the door. You stopped suddenly. Damn, it smelled good- like it was getting better and better by the second. You took a deep whiff. You didn't want to walk away from it.

"Yo, what brand is that?"

"It's an off brand," he said, "i dunno really."

"Can I try some?" you said, taking another deep inhale. The smell was invigorating. It made you feel like you were bursting with energy- energy you needed to release.

He smirked. "If you come to the gym with me, maybe."

You were about to say no, but you really, really wanted to try that cologne. Plus, you had so much energy now, you needed some way to burn it off. And what else would you do all day? Sit around with his weird family?

"Ok, fine," you said, "But I'm just doing the treadmill though. Maybe an eliptical."

He shrugged. "Everyone's gotta start somewhere. What matters is, we're finally gym bros dude!"

"I don't know about all that," you said with a laugh, going to put your shoes on. He was so dumb and easily pleased. Like, who gave a shit if you went to the gym with him or not? Why did it matter so much?

You frowned down as you tried to put your shoes on. For some reason, they seemed smaller. You could barley fit them on, like your foot had grown overnight or something.

"Hey man, i got you," he said, reaching under his brothers bed. He pulled a pair of gym shoes out for you. "These should fit."

You picked them up. They smelled familiar and nice, kind of like the cologne. You were really excited to wear them for some reason, and after you put them on, you felt even better about your decision to go to the gym. You rocked your legs back and forth, bursting with energy. "You ready dude?" you said.

"Lets get it," he said nodding you out the door. "Oh wait. Almost forgot." He reached into his bag and tossed the bottle of cologne over to you. "All yours, man," he said with a grin.

"Thanks bruh," you said, spraying a thick coating under your arms. You wondered why you were talking like that, but as the cologne filled your nose, the thought faded away.

You'd stayed on the treadmill for a while at first, but even there, you were shocked at how fast you could run without getting tired. His brother's old gym shoes were so broken in and cushioned that it felt like you were running on air. But you'd been watching him while he lifted, watching him while the cologne you drenched yourself in seeped into your nose. Running wasn't enough. You needed something to release more energy. You headed over to him, asking if you could join.

"Letssss gooooo, man!" he yelled excitedly, pulling you in for a bro hug. He was drenched in sweat that got all over your clothes. "Here, hit some curls with me," he'd said, handing you a dumbbell. It felt weird but... right in your hand, like you'd finally undergone some masculine right of passage you'd been putting off. You lifted it, but with terrible form.

"Nah man, like this," he said, springing up, and before you knew it he was behind you, his big frame dwarfing yours, and gripped your hands with his own, pushing them up into a proper curl.

"See man? Just like this. Up.... and down," he said slowly into your ear.

He did it a couple times. It felt nice, having him show you. He was a real nice guy, you thought, feeling his hands gripping you own. Your eyes started to glaze over- but when he left go, you immediately started overcompensating with your back. In a flash, he was behind you again.

"Nah bro. You're thinking too much," he said slowly. "Stop. Thinking." he said, gripping your hands again. You were about to tell him to fuck off, but the thought faded away suddenly as his skin touched yours. All your thoughts did, Your head became an empty vacuum.

"Up," he said slowly into your ear, lifting your arms.

Up. Yes. Up. The single directive rushed in to fill the entirety of your empty mind. Up. Up. Up.

He lowered them slowly, maintaining the tension. "And Down."

And Down. Yes. The other two words entered your brain, filling any gaps missed by Up. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down.

"Up. And Down.," he said in your ear. "That's all that matters. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down."

Your lips began to say the words slowly, matching your movements. Your eyes became totally glazed, and this time, when he let go, you didn't stop. You kept moving with the perfect form he'd just programed into you while he picked up his own dumbbells and lifted next to you moving in sync... it felt so.. nice... moving up...and down....up... and down...

You hadn't remembered much more after that till you were both in the locker room, drenched in sweat after a full workout.

"Great job, man," he said, pulling you in for a high-five hug again. Your sweaty bodies and pumped muscles rubbed against each other in the exchange.

"Thanks bro," you said, still invigorated from the workout. It felt fuckin great. And he'd been so great, showing you proper form for every move, correcting you, adjusting the weight for you. As you both left, you once again felt like an ass for being so rude to him all these months...

When you got home and showered, you felt something itchy under your arms. Checking it out, you noticed your pit hair had gotten a lot darker and thicker. You shrugged. You were almost a year younger than most of your classmates with the way your birthday fell. It must've been the final strokes of puberty, or something.

You headed into your roommate's room for bed. He was propped up in bed in just his underwear, massaging himself with a theragun, nearly moaning. You laughed as you looked at him. He smirked, realizing how funny it looked.

"Laugh all you want, dude, but if you tried it, you'd feel the same way."

"Lemme try then. I'm pretty sore from today already. I still can't believe you convinced me to do weights."

"Haha. I knew you had it in you bro," he said, walking over to you with the theragun. "Aren't you glad you did?"

"Yeah," you said honestly. It had actually felt surprisingly good.

"Letssss gooooo, man!" he yelled excitedly, pulling you in for a bro hug. "Good shit bro. The treadmill is for pussies. You gotta pump these guns, otherwise you're wasting time."

You were about to argue when the theragun hit your sore tricep. The thought slowly faded away as bursts of pleasure rippled out from your muscles. You fell onto the bed, overwhelmed by the feeling, but he kept the gun on you steadily the whole time, watching you squirm and moan. It didn't just feel like a massage, it felt like a whole other workout. You felt the blood pumping into your arms, felt them getting warmer as they bulged and swelled. It felt incredible. He moved around to your bicep, then shoulders, then upper back. He lifted your arms to get underneath them, and you thought you saw his eyes linger on your hairy pits, smiling at them, but you were too preoccupied to think about it. You weren't sure how long he kept at it, but by time he was done, you felt amazing.

"Woah, thanks brah."

"Anytime. Why don't you wash up? We gotta be up early to hit the gym."

"For sure bro," you said, standing up and heading to the bathroom. Yeah, you'd hit the gym again tomorrow. It wasn't even a question, really.

Your eyes widened as you stared in the mirror. You arms looked huge! They hadn't looked this big when you'd gotten out of the shower.

He noticed you admiring them. "It's the theragun, and the uh.... the hot shower. Gets the blood pumped into them. It'll probably be gone in the morning," he said.

"Oh...makes sense," you said, brushing your teeth and sliding into bed.

Once he heard you snoring, he slipped out of bed and grabbed his shaving cream, heading into the bathroom. He whipped his thick cock out and stared at a couple of bimbos getting fucked on his phone, shooting a hot, huge load right into the cream. He swirled it around with his finger, mixing it, then dabbed a bit onto his hand as he headed over to you. He gently spread it over your face, smearing the extra under your pits. Smiling, he went to bed.

You woke up the next day feeling sore and... itchy. You thought it was the pillow, but no matter how you moved, the feeling never went away. Blinking, you scratched at your face, where the feeling was coming from. Your hand met a rough surface. You felt around your face until you realized it was... stubble? But you'd only really had that above your lips. You felt more and more, but it was definitely there.

He looked over to the bathroom. He was up already, shaving in the mirror. He caught your eye again “Hey man. Sleep good?“

“Yeah man, but it looks like some of my facial hair came in overnight or something. It's all itchy.”

You scratched it again, but then thought another itchy, feeling coming out from under your arm. Lifting your arm, you noticed that your pit hair looked even thicker and darker than the night before. And despite what he said about the Theragun and shower, your arms still looked huge. You stare at your body, confused. That late puberty really was hitting you like a train.

"Hey bro, that’s just what happens when you get that testosterone pumping. Come here, I’ll take care of that for you. Just let me finish up.“

You approached as he lifted his chin, showing off his thick neck and sliding his shaver across it. It was strange to watch. You were the same age, and he looked so natural doing it, but it was something you'd never done before. You never had enough facial hair to.

He turned to you, lifting your chin up with one finger, inspecting your stubble. He looked pleased for some reason. He grabbed a jar of shaving cream and opened it- but he hadn't used any? With his razor, he could shave dry, so why-

He smeared the shaving cream on your face, and the cool, minty feeling wiped the question from your mind. Your eyes drooped to his beefy pecs and six pack in front of you as he moved the razor softly over your skin. "You just go nice and slow, just like this," he said, shaving you delicately. Your heart beat faster. It felt weirdly... intimate. You guessed this was something Dad's or older brothers showed youhow to do, but you hadn't had one. You watched intently, trying not to shudder where his fingers grazed your skin. What was weird was, even as the razor removed the hair, it seemed to leave more stubble behind.. but... you liked it. You almost looked... hot. He kept going, till you had a thick 5 o clock shadow just like his.

"I'll let you finish up," he said, sliding you the shaved and shaving cream. "You should shave your pits too, brah. Makes lifting easier. Less irritation."

"Sounds good man," you said, smearing a thick coating of shaving cream onto your hairy pits. It tingled like before. Just like with your face, even though it removed the hair, it seemed to leave more hair follicles behind. You squinted at it. Probably just a trick of the light.

"Ready to hit the gym again?"

"Hell yeah," you said. "But I just have to check flights first-"

"Ah, you know, I was gonna check for you earlier, but our Wifi was acting up."

"That's cool. I can just check on my phone."

"Alright. But just get dressed first," he said, handing you his brothers shoes again.

You were going to tell him to just wait, but the sight of the shoes got you excited. You'd felt really good wearing them.

"Alright," you said, taking them and eagerly sliding them on. The second you tied them, you stood up, pumping your legs one after another. You felt ready to go!

"Oh. and don't forget the cologne. You don't wanna smell like sweat, ya know," he said with a laugh as he tossed you the bottle. It excited you, just like the shoes. You sprayed about ten or eleven sprays on you, letting the scent fill your nose. It smelled even better than the day before. You felt filled with energy, invigorated again, like you needed to get out and release it. But first you just had to... had.... to... look... at...... you................had................to..........look..........at......f....???

"Yo, was I gonna do something man?" you asked, brow hunching in the same confused, dumb way his usually did.

"Yeah. You were gonna wear my gym clothes since you don't have your own. You just asked like a minute ago, man, haha. Remember?"

"Ah, my bad," you said laughing. You'd really zoned out there, haha. You threw on the muscle tee and thigh shorts he tossed you. They must've been from a three pack or something, because he put on the same exact ones.

"Lets get it, brah," he said, slapping you on the back.

"Lets gooo!" you said back, and you guys headed out.

It was the same as the day before. You were doing shoulder presses awfully at first, feeling awkward and self concious, but then his hands were under your arms and his voice was in your ear.

"Up and down, bro. Up and down. That's all that matters. Let all those other thoughts, other things you know about go. They're just weighing you down. You only need to know three things, bro."

You nodded, eyes glazing over again. "Up. And Down," you said, pressing the weight overhead cleanly. "Up. And Down," you repated, sinking into a smooth rhythm of presses. He stood next to you again, lifting at the same time as you. You felt yourself sweating all your thoughts out, getting dumber by the second. You knew you should stop but- buuu- u- up....

Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down.

He took you through a bunch of other exercises, reminding you whenever he saw you lose focus. Up. And Down. Up. And Down. Up. And Down.

You both got home an hour or two later, still panting and dripping with sweat from your lifts.

"That was sick, bro," he said, peeling his wet shirt off and bouncing his pecs in the mirror.

"Yeah, I feel great," you said, starting to peel the muscle tee off. It was tight, even before your pump, like it had been clinging to you throughout your workout, warming your chest. Now, it was tight because your chest seemed a lot bigger.

"Chest day best day!" He inhaled deeply. "Ah, you smell that bro? I missed that smell. When me and my twin would get back from the gym, this room would stink up in like 30 seconds and reek for days. Its been a while."

"Damn, it does reek in here," you said with a dumb laugh.

"Breathe it in. That's the smell of hard work, bruh."

You both took a deep inhale, laughing. It was so good having a friend to be a stupid guy with.

"Yeah, man," you said, finally managing to peel the shirt off. Your chest looked huge, wide, and puffy. Almost exactly like his... that was... weird....but they looked so... so... good... just like your shoulders you'd hit that day... and your back.... your lats looked like... like wings... wings..... flight.... wasn't there something you were supposed to do with a fligh-

You let out a gasp that turned into an "ahhhhhh" as he hit your sore muscles with the theragun. Part of you was realizing what was happening. You were still smart- somewhere in there. You were... you were somehow turning into him, literally. You tried to think about how, but it hurt. All the blood your brain was used to was flowing into your shoulders and chest as he massaged them. Thinking felt... bad... but... what was in the mirror looked... good.... yeah. You looked fucking good, like this. Yo.... you looked so good haha. Thinking.... bad.... lifting.... good... blood in... muscles.... not in.... brain.... lift.... more... get... sexier.

You felt energy surge through you again. Instinctually, you flexed in the mirror the way he did in the morning, grunting and scrunching your face. Toned muscle bulged under your skin as more and more blood and oxygen left your brain and poured into your muscles. You looked big, but you still felt small. You needed to get bigger... it felt.... urgent... like any time you spent not working out was time wasted. Your thoughts faded as he moved the theragun over you and your chest. It almost was like an exact replica of his.

Your eyes moved to him.

Gym.... bro.... love my.... gym.... bro.... love my..... bro.... wanna.... workout.... with my... bro

"Yo, it's still pretty early bro. You think we could lift again tonight, after dinner?"

"That's what I'm talkin about man," he said, slapping you on the back. "Love seeing you finally motivated to get in the gym and work on yourself."

"Feels great, dude," you said, hitting another pose in the mirror, staring at your muscles. Bigger.... need to.... get.... bigger...

"I told ya so."

"I know. I should've listened earlier. You're so smart, man."

"Haha, thanks man. Lets go get our protein in so we can get out there again. I'll go make our shakes. You shower first man- you stink," he said with a laugh.

"Haha," you said, lifting your pit and taking a big whiff of it. You did reek, but it smelled good, in a way. Like a sign of your hard work.

"Damn bro. I'm gonna need a gas mask in here," he joked, laughing as he walked out.

You laughed back. Joking with your bro was the best. You got into the shower, feeling all the new muscle in your body move under your skin. Feeling its power. The hot water just exacerbated it. You felt big- strong- but needed to get bigger- stronger- the thought was constant.

But- this wasn't... you?

You didn't... care about this stuff.

No.

This was all wrong. What were you doing lifting, focusing on superficial shit like this? What were you doing hanging around with this idiot? No- you had to get out of here. You'd be polite to him, but as soon as you got out of the shower, you'd book a flight for the next day. Enough of this! You'd been getting swayed by a pretty boy being nice to you, and it needed to stop.

He came in with the protein shakes just as you got out of the shower.

"Here you go man," he said, handing it to you. "Gave you a little extra," he said with a wink. Your glass had a little more in it than his did.

"Thanks dude," you said, putting it down. Fuck him and his protein shakes! "I'll have it in a minute. I just remembered I need to look up flights."

"You should really drink it first," he said, handing it back to you. "It's best to drink it as soon as possible. You don't wanna stay small, do you?"

Small? Small? No- never small- big- need to be big- big- huge- need- protein-

"Fuck no," you said suddenly, and before you could stop yourself you were grabbing it and gulping it down. It tasted good. Creamy. Really creamy.

"Damn that's good," you said, cheersing with him when he finished his. It was like you could feel the protein seeping through your body, repairing you. It felt so good. You felt confused, though.

"Yo, was I about to do something?" you asked.

"Yeah man. We were gonna do our meal preps for the rest of break. I'm so glad you decided to spend break here to focus on working out instead of going home with your family," he said.

"Huh? No, no, something with my phone..."

"Yeah man, remember? You were gonna tell your family you weren't gonna make it home this year. You really wanted to see them, but you didn't wanna waste a whole month away from your gym bro when you could be learning from me & making gains. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah yeah," you said. That made sense. Why else would you be here "Hell yeah man! Three solid weeks of nothing but lifting with my bro. No stupid classes or reading to distract us from what matters."

"Exactly man," he said, "C'mon, lets go make our meals for the week. Chicken broccoli and rice city!" You did, then headed to the gym.

You did legs this time.

"Just remember," he said as you got under the squat rack.

You nodded vacantly, feeling your mind slowly emptying again of everything except those three words. Up. And Down. Up. And Down.... Up ... And.... Down....

The next thing you knew you were grunting and dripping sweat as you boosted the 6 plates on your last rep up. Your legs were throbbing, bulging, and felt amazing. They looked bigger already, and you'd only done 4 sets of one exercise. He nodded approvingly.

You both got back from the 2nd round at the gym a couple hours later, scarfing your meals down out of your microwavable meal prep trays.

"Yo, did you see all those pussies on the treadmill staring at us?" you laughed.

"Of course man," he said, laughing back. "That's all they can do," he said as he flexed his huge, pumped muscles. "Stare and wish they were us."

"Feels good," you said, scarfing down your food. Both of you ate like pigs, spilling rice and shredded chicken all over your laps and the sides of your mouths. He went to get your protein shakes, and came back a few minutes later, once again with yours a little bit more full and creamy than his. Extra supps, he told you. When you were done, you cracked open the six pack his Dad had bought for you guys and started slamming them down while watching Family Guy, both laughing dumbly every couple minutes at it. You used to hate this show... but it was so funny! You'd just never given it a chance.

About 2 hours later, with empty beer cans strewn all around the room, you guys decided to get to bed. He went into the bathroom first, brushing his teeth and whipping his dick out to take a long, hot piss in the toilet. His eyes flickered over to your toothbrush, and he smiled. Grabbing it, he dropped it in front of his stream of piss, making sure to soak it thoroughly before putting it back in the holder.

You came in once he was done and started brushing your teeth. Your toothbrush felt warm and tasted kind of funny, thank you, fuck it. You instinctually swallowed it as the taste hit your tongue, sucking it deep in to your stomach. It felt like your stomach was rumbling, then tightening, then pushing out, then tightening again. When you were done brushing your teeth, you lifted your shirt up to reveal a nice set of toned abs just like his. You smiled. Damn, he was a really good coach.

You stared into the mirror, reflecting on how much you'd changed over the last few days. You smiled dumbly, hitting pose after pose in the mirror. In pretty much everything but your face, you looked just like him now. Your arms were thick and corded, your pecs sat nice and high, your legs were ripped, stomach shredded. Even your feet had gotten bigger, going from a size 8 to a size 13, just like his, and you'd grown a few inches, too. Wait... taller? You didn't get taller from the gym...

...

...and why were you his exact height?

You threw open the bathroom door.

"Yo, what's going on here?"

"What do you mean, bro? Chill."

"Nah man. Are you like, turning me into you or some shit? This isn't cool, bro," you said, struggling to talk like how you used to, before "bro" and "man" and "bruh" were every other word?

He smiled. "Into me? Of course not. You could never be me. But I am making you into my twin brother, bro. Haha."

"Well it stops now, weirdo. I'm outta her-"

He grabbed your arms, pulling them towards your head, forcing you to flex. You let out a moan as blood pumped out of your brain, into your sore muscles. It felt so good. So warm... so.... relaxing. But, no, you had to leave – he turned you towards the mirror, showing you your reflection as you flexed. You gave a dumb smile at the hunk staring back at you, at all your hard work- no, he wasn’t gonna get you like this again---

"Just look at yourself, bro," he said slowly massaging your thick traps. Waves of heat flowed over you- no– you had to- leave. He bent down, lifting your leg onto the ball of your foot. Your thick calf muscles contracted, stealing more blood from your brain, pumping more down into your body. It felt so good after a long workout. So good. So waaaaarm, you thought while he bent you into pose after pose like his mannequin and you stared in awe at what you'd become. You were.... hot.

"You’re telling me you don’t like this, bro? That you'd rather be a little nerdy bitch like before?"

It– it felt so… Good... you looked so… Good... you look like… Someone you would’ve thirsted after for months before .. you... loved it. It felt good. Before you knew it, he'd taken his brother's chain off the dresser and fastened it around your neck.

Your mind instantly blanked as he did it. What the fuck were you thinking? Leaving? When he was fucking turning you into a god for free? What kinda ungrateful piece of shit loser was the old you? Nah, he wanted nothing to do with that shit. You were lucky to be here.

"I was gonna wait until we were done to do this to you, but since that nerd in you has so much fight apparently, we can just get it over with now. It doesn’t really matter," he said.

"You want to act like a fag? I’ll treat you like a fag, boy," he said grabbing your head and rubbing it against his bulge. His big. Warm.. bulge... Your eyes glazed even more. "That's right, broski. Tell me how you really feel."

He was fucking sexy. You tried to lie to yourself all year and tell yourself that you didn’t like him, that he was annoying, that he was an idiot. But still, you stared at him whenever you could, every time he'd come into the room with his towel... take a peek every time he was in his boxers. Pretended you didn’t like him and denied it. But you did. You hated the girls that he brought back to the room because you wished it was you in there, getting pounded out by him, or maybe you wished you were him, getting to be such a stupid fucking asshole and still getting all the ass you wanted. He must’ve felt like a king.

You suddenly realize'd that you said all this out loud. Your mouth dropped open in surprise- but- how...

"Good, good. Now tell me, wouldn’t it feel nice if someone felt that way about you, boy?" Your eyes lit up.

"Me?"

"Yeah you. You’re going to be a God just like me boy. And I get the gym bro! Everyone wins."

You nodded slowly as he pulled his cock out, rubbing it against your face. Yeaaaaaah. Jock cock. You'd always loved jock cock when you'd been.... gay? No, you weren't gay... you'd never been gay. This was just bonding with your bro, haha.

Your tongue lapped up the precum off the tip of his dick. He shuddered, his cut, muscular hips thrusting instinctually. Your mouth opened just as automatically, sucking his cock. It felt so easy to hold yourself up with your new, big muscles as he pounded your mouth. His balls slipped out of his boxers, slapping you in the face as he thrust into you. They smelled great.

"Ahhhhhh yeah," he said, grabbing your hand and placing it on his tight ass. You gripped it, feeling the power from years of squats in it. "We got one more step left, broski. Tomorrow we're gonna put my facecream and gel on you and fix that busted face and wack haircut of yours. You’ll look just like me, bro. And you'll love it. I want that nerd inside of you watching while I snuff the last of him out- well, while you do it, really. He'd hate you so much, now," he said, pulling you off his dick and turning you towards the mirror again. "Look at you now, just a dumb jock big boy."

You smiled goofily in the mirror, flexing again at the sight of yourself. "Dumb jock big boy". The words resonated in your brain. Yeah, dumb jock big boy you thought, flexing harder. Hahaha. No- you weren't a jo- dumb jock big boy. Hahahaha. Yeah, you were just a dumb jock big boy- no- no- you were smar... just a dumb jock big boy. No matter what else you tried to think, it was the only thing your mind would land on. You flexed even more. You couldn't help it. Your body looked... so.... fucking... good. You felt like a ... man. Brutish. Powerful. You had muscles... big... muscles.... you couldn't stop staring... you fely so... powerful... needed... more powee. Needed... to get bigger. Needed... to be a msn not a cyck beta loser.

"That's it. Who's my dumb jock bro?"

"Me," you said proudly.

"I thought you were too good for that shit tho? Too smart?"

"Nah," you said.

"Damn boy, I trained you good."

"Yes. Showed me what matters. Need to get bigger," you said in a trance. Any resistance felt far away now. You couldn't really talk in complete sentences anymore. "Bigger. Stronger. More powerful."

"We will get you there, bro," he said, sliding your mouth back onto his cock. We're going to get you there, together. Plus, then we can be reeeeaaal bros! Like, bros for real. We can tell my parents my bro came back. You can just enroll in school and come back with me. It'll be like he never left. And you actually get to be something, instead of being a dumb nerd. Everyone wins!"

You nodded. Real bros. He was like your brother already, kinda. Yeah.

"I love you bro," you said.

"I love you to bro- ahhh- AHhhhhhh"

You felt his legs tense and back arch a little, and a blast of his cum shot down your throat, then another, then another. The necklace got hot around your neck as you swallowed them. You gulped each down, feeling your body absorbing them, feeling him seep into you, take you over, and crush any chance you had of turning back. Yeah. Good. You didn't want to turn back. You didn't want the nerd loser in you to take control. This was you now. You were in control.

He thrust into you a couple more times as you licked the last of his cum off his cock. He tapped the back of your head twice approvingly as you finished him off and slid his cock out of your mouth.

"See you in the morning, bro. You won't remember this part tomorrow. You'll just wake up, see my putting my moisturizer on and gel in, and come to do the same. Like I said, I want that nerd inside you watching while we complete your transformation, wanting to stop it, but unable to. Because this," he said, placing your hand on his bicep, and placing your other hand on your own bicep, "just feels too good."

You nodded dumbly. "I love you, bro" was all you could say.

"Love you too, bro. Goodnight!"

You woke up the next morning, just as he said, to see him putting the moisturizer all over his face and styling his hair. You walked over, asking him if you could use some. He looked so good. You just really wanted to use whatever he used.

"Sure thing, bro. What's mine is yours."

He passed it to you. You took a thick glob out, smearing it on your face. It tingles a little bit as you put it on, like the shaving cream head. Part of you was yelling, no, that you didn't like this, that you wanted to keep your old life, that you didn't want to be his twin and give up everything you had, but that voice was quiet now. It was drowned out by the demands of your big, hulking body, your shrinking brain, the testosterone pumping through you, and the burning desire you know how to get bigger and look good, constantly. The old you needed to go. No matter how hard it tried, it couldn't stop you from rubbing the cream in deeper and deeper. Had... to... look.... good... you thought as you ran a big glob of his white gel through your hair.

You both watched, smiling, as your face bubbled and changed and your hair lightened and shortened, perfectly matching his, erasing the final part of you. His brothers Your chain got hot around your neck as a bunch of his brother's your old memories floated into your head. All the details of his your life, everything you needed to know to convince his your parents that he'd you'd come back home.

"It's so great to have you back, bro," your roommate brother said. "I been so lonely at the gym," he said flexing in the mirror.

"Good to be back, bro," you said, hitting the same pose.

His real brother never did end up coming back. You lived happily ever after as a dumb jock big boy, hitting the gym with your bro everyday.

[masonreds]

mason mount x reader

summary: when y/n is wants to be more than fuck buddies but mason doesn’t want anything more

word count: 8,0k words

warnings! smut + angst. I guess you could say dickhead!mason too a little? might have some mistakes so I’m sorry about that

‘Why don’t you visit me anymore?’

You tried not to let it get to this point, but you couldn’t deny it.

You missed him

It was around 8pm and Mason was getting ready to leave training. He had a late training session, he was just coming out of the changing rooms before he froze when he heard your voice at the doorway.

‘What are you doing here?’ His facial expression shifted from neutral to cold, but knowing him that wasn’t much of a difference.

‘I wanted to see you.’ The changing rooms were empty. Everyone had left for the day, but you kind of memorised Masons training days so you knew that he would be here right now, otherwise if he wasn’t, it would’ve made you look like a complete fool.

If it wasn’t for the security guard letting you in, you’d still be standing like a lost person in the parking lot, but you refused to go another week without seeing him.

Mason took a deep breath to calm his nerves before closing the locker door where he kept his belongings. You had caught him at the right time because his coat was already on and his training bag was in his hand, ready to head out of the door.

At least until you showed up.

He sighed before putting all of his things down and walking over to the bench and leant against the bench, not sitting down and crossing his arms. Unfortunately, he knew he would now be longer than he had to, and the way he looked at you indicated that he wasn’t happy about it.

‘You shouldn’t be here,’ his voice is stern. ‘Is there something you need?’

Sheepishly, you walked over to him, gently pressing your hands against his t shirt. ‘I waited for you last night,’ you whispered, looking up into his eyes. ‘You didn’t call.’

Mason’s jaw twitched at the feeling of your hands on his chest while making sure he stayed rested on the bench behind him to keep his composure. You caught him off guard and the tension in the air didn’t help. He managed to maintain his professional persona but maintaining his emotional distance was the real challenge.

He quickly understood what this was; the consequences of an impromptu decision he made in a moment of weakness that had finally come back to haunt him.

This was bad. He looked past you to the rest of the empty changing room, making sure there was no one else in sight and no one to catch whatever it was you were about to do.

‘That was a one-time thing,’ he didn’t even bother to look at you as he spoke. ‘We made a mutual agreement, remember?’

‘Then why did it happen more than once?’ You said breathily, sensually sliding your hands up to his shoulder

Mason took a deep breath and finally looked you directly in the eyes. ‘It wasn’t supposed to,’ his voice is low and serious.

It was Friday night, your night. The only day of the week when he would knock on your front door in the middle of the night and relieve his built-up stress from the seven days prior. And you gladly helped him.

You were his secret; Mason’s beautiful guilty pleasure.

Eventually, one Friday turned into two, then four, then eight. No one could tell you that what you two had wasn’t chemistry if they saw the way you lusted for each other. They’d notice the way he held you on the edge of the bed, or the counter, or the shower wall. Or they’d bring up the love marks that hardly got a chance to fade throughout the week before he was back on you, darkening them.

How you wished they heard the noises he fucked out of you echo down the hall, followed by the thumping sounds of the bed frame banging against the wall.

Unabashedly, you did anything just to please him, just hear him say your name between grunts. In public, in private, AM or PM, when he called, you came running, even if it was something unimportant.

For one day out of the week, you both belonged to each other and no one else.

That was until he stopped knocking.

You stepping closer only made it harder for Mason, both literally and figuratively. He could feel the heat of your breath against his skin intertwine with the rush of being this close to you after so long. It was agonizing, and he only had himself to blame. He let himself get swept away by desire, knowing in his heart that a relationship with you was something he could never have.

‘You're only going to get hurt if this continues.’

‘I don’t care.’ Wrapping your hand around the back of his neck, you pulled his face closer to yours. ‘I want to see you.’ You hovered your lips over his.

A taste is all he needs

A small spark to jog the memories of the pleasure he felt when he was with you, memories that he tried so hard to move on from.

His lips brushed against yours. He could feel your desperation and your scent alone was enough to make him go back on his word.

Reluctantly, he let himself lean into your touch. Your noses grazed each other, and you gave his cheek a light lick. Mason shuddered. Breathing heavily, he closed his eyes, melting into your embrace, like it was second nature. For a brief second, he placed his hand on your waist, before he quickly pulled away.

‘It was a mistake,’ he exhaled, coming back to his senses.

You frowned. ‘It wasn’t a mistake the other night.’

Your hands slid back down to his chest, but Mason grabbed your wrists before they could go any further. His eyes said more than his lips could. It was heartbreaking how loud they begged you to let him go.

But yours only begged him to stay.

Mason released your wrist and stood up straight, subtly pushing you off of him. It was impressive the way this man reverted back to his professional demeanor without missing a beat.

“I can’t keep doing this with you,” he spoke firmly. “This will only hurt us both in the end, and I know you don’t want that.”

“If I cared about that, you think I’d still be here?” You try to step closer to him again, but he brushes past you and strides to the front door.

“Please leave… I’ll pay for your uber if I need to.” He’s trying to be as gentle as he can, hiding his inner frustration in knowing that he so badly he secretly wants you to stay, but he could never say that. “I won’t ask you again.”

The silence was strong.

You didn’t speak, nor did you move. You simply stared at him, taking in the features you used to touch yourself to whenever the right side of your bed was empty. It was all there in front of you.

Your eyes couldn’t help but gaze at his lips, remembering how they felt against your skin. Then his hands, remembering how they pulled you closer to him. Until your eyes found his, remembering them never leaving yours even when he was inside you.

Especially when he was inside you.

So you didn’t move. Better yet, you walked over to the washing machine that was in the corner of the room and sat yourself on it, locking in your decision.

You weren’t going anywhere.

Mason clenched his jaw, his controlled expression turning into one of anger as he aggressively made his way towards you. Instantaneously, he placed himself between your legs, towering over you with a menacing glare.

The way he said your name sent a shiver down your spine. You were small in comparison to his tall frame. He would have no problem forcing you into submission, but still, you didn’t budge. It almost excited you.

Neither of you said a word, but this time with more conviction. He's trying to intimidate you out of the changing rooms and out of his life, while you only invited yourself in.

His furrowed brows didn’t soften until you reached for his hand and placed it over your heart without breaking eye contact; It was beating at a steady pace. Only letting your heart speak, you subtly told him he didn’t scare you, and he caught on.

With one final attempt, Mason bent down to your eye level and rested his long arms on either side of you. His face was inches away as his brown eyes peered into yours. It was like he could see right through you. As if he could read your every thought and predict your every move while he waited for your heart rate to spike.

Still, it was calm.

It wasn’t until he tilted his head a bit to the side and grazed his nose against yours that he felt your heart rate pick up in his hands. Mason knew exactly what that meant and he cursed internally at it. The thought of his lips on yours was enough to change your breathing.

For a moment, the two of you practically breathed each other’s air; Your lips almost touching, almost willing to give in.

‘One more time. One more night,’ was all you could say. Your voice trembled, barely above a whisper. ‘Let me make you feel good for one more night please.’

Mason opened his mouth, prepared to oppose your proposition until you cut him off. It was a simple reminder, but in this moment, it meant everything.

‘It’s Friday…’

Hearing those two words mixed with hurt and loneliness, Mason’s chest throbbed. A look of pity washed over his face. The tension between the two of you was now one hundred percent physical.

There was a long pause as Mason looked down at you, struggling to make a decision. His heart was pounding inside his chest, and he felt a sense of desire that he had not felt for a long time, at least, not for anyone else.

The worst part about it was you weren’t going to take no for an answer. He knew the consequences of what you were asking him to do, but in your presence, all of his good judgment seemed to disappear. It’s how he got here in the first place.

Before he could stop himself, he spoke. ‘All right,’ he said in a low voice, finally placing his hands on your hips. ‘One more time.’

Without warning, Mason placed his lips on yours for the first time in what felt like an eternity. A breathless moan left your throat on instinct. You waited so long for this, to feel him again; which is why you wasted no time slipping your tongue into his mouth and pulling him closer, lacing your fingers in his hair.

Mason groaned at the touch of your tongue lapping around his; his body shivering slightly as you teased and tested his resolve. Your presence was so enticing, so intoxicating, he could feel himself losing control of the situation.

His senses filled with you and it only brought up more feelings he dared not name.

For a moment, Mason parted from your lips, trailing his mouth to your ear and below. You couldn’t help the little noises that escaped your lips as your lover bit, licked, and kissed your neck, and it wasn’t long before he was getting more and more uncomfortable in his slacks.

A wave of excitement coursed through Mason’s body as your hands undid his belt with swift motions. The room filled with sounds of your heavy breathing followed by the sounds of his belt buckle clinking as it came undone. His hands explored you, grazing your calf, grabbing your thigh, going further and further up the fabric of your dress, and feeling nothing underneath it.

You planned this. This is what you came for and he knew it.

Mason hissed when his fingers grazed along where your underwear should have been. “You’re going to kill me,” he muttered under his breath.

‘Mason..’ you whimpered, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders as if he could disappear at any moment.

‘Shh,’ Mason whispered into the crook of your neck, causing your skin to tingle. You could feel the deep vibrations in his chest. ‘I'm right here.’

Mason slowly moved your dress further up your thighs exposing your ass to the cool air. The sensation of his short nails pressing into the skin of your hips accompanied by his mouth finding its way back to your lips once again was intoxicating.

“I missed this.”

A shiver ran down Mason’s spine as he pulled the spaghetti strap of your dress off your shoulders, leaving your full breasts visible for him to see.

"I did too," he whispered softly, like he was afraid to admit it. You heard him suck in a breath through his teeth as he saw your uncovered chest. "So, so much." He couldn't help but grasp the soft flesh; the tent in his pants growing impossibly tighter, even with it open and undone.

He was so damned deprived, so pent-up, he didn’t realize he was sucking your tits like it was his last meal.

Even in this state, Mason knows he never should’ve let it get this far. This wasn’t part of the plan, but damn it felt good, caressing and pinching one while kissing and sucking the other one, as he always did.

Your arms supported the extra weight he was pushing against your chest as you leaned back. Biting your lips, you squirmed against his tongue on your perky nipples as you held onto his scalp.

‘Then why are you trying to leave me?’ You practically whined. Despite everything that was happening, you couldn’t let it go—let him go.

Even when he agreed to have you once more, it wasn’t enough.

‘Because you deserve better,’ he growled, his free hand squeezing your ass. ‘Someone who can give you all the attention and affection you deserve.’ His mouth kissed its way back to your neck, his lips grazing against the soft skin and leaving a trail of saliva in its wake.

‘Mason..’

‘I don't want you to get hurt,’ he continued, his voice full of emotion and longing. ‘I don't want to hurt you, I promise, but you have to understand that I'm not suited for this.’

‘Not suited for what? Affection? Love?’ Even without the extra stimulation, you couldn’t wrap your head around his words.

He was kissing you and tearing you down at the same time.

Mason is charming and intelligent. A handsome, successful footballer who makes more than enough to support himself, and anyone else he chooses to be with. He was the kind of man who turned heads and made you feel like the only woman in the world when he was with you.

Mason Mount is the definition of perfect, so what about this is so wrong?

‘I'm not capable of...those things.’ He looked up at you with pleading eyes, but still managed to kiss you before continuing to remove your dress and tossing it to the side. ‘I won't waste your time trying to pretend I can give you that. In a nutshell, we are just two people looking for some relief, and this is our avenue for doing so. That's all.’ His words were blunt but cut like a knife.

That’s all this is?

You were stunned. Before you could process his statement, he lifted you from the washing machine and gently carried you to the chair across the room where he had more space to move.

Once he sat you down, the warmth of his hands left your skin for a moment as he backed away.

You had a front-row seat watching Mason loosen his t shirt.

The lighting was dim, but you didn’t have to imagine how he looked unclothed; Every part of him was already etched into your mind. You had no shame eyeing his smooth chest, muscular arms.

His muscles flexed as he slid his shirt off, tossing it onto the floor before leaning down and positioning himself between your legs again. His hands gripped the armrests on either side of the chair, caging you in, with his face barely inches away from yours.

‘Speak. I know you want to say something.’ He was challenging you. Mason knew that whatever reason he gave you for not showing affection would never be enough.

It was your last chance to do so.

Your heartbeat betrayed you. It wasn't fair. Who was he to decide what’s best for you? You’re supposed to be angry and hurt, yet here you were falling for the same things in him once again.

‘That’s not all this has to be, Mason,’ You struggled to look anywhere but his lips.

‘You don't know what you're asking for,’ he whispered in a husky voice. ‘I can't be what you want me to be.’

Mason’s eyes wandered below your waist for a brief moment. His expression betrayed his words, not hiding how badly he wanted you. He was topless, belt unbuckled, pants unzipped, while you were under him, legs open, vulnerable, and completely naked.

This was exactly what Mason didn’t want to happen. He was drawn to you and everything he was saying to resist you felt like a lie, yet he couldn’t help but find it all so tempting. Everything you did gave him flashbacks; the looks, the sounds, smells, he was losing his cool with each passing second.

You shivered when he gripped the sides of the chair tighter.

‘And what do you think I want you to be?’ You trailed your hands down his abdomen. Mason flexed underneath your touch. Feeling him pin you against the back of the chair, you were desperate to feel more of him, impatient even.

Mason debated whether he should speak, so it started off as a whisper. ‘You want me to be yours. You want me to be your boyfriend, but I can't give you any of that. I care about you, don't get me wrong, but I can never love you the way you deserve to be loved.’

Suddenly, all the air was knocked out of your lungs. It was as if you’d been hit by a truck.

Could he truly read you that easily?

Without missing a beat, he was back to slowly trailing his mouth along your neck and shoulders, placing small kisses on the warm skin like he was kissing a wound. Unfortunately, it aided nothing; tears glossed over your eyes all the same.

Every time he hurt you, his kisses always eased the pain. They made you feel alive even when they were the very thing sucking the life out of you.

Whenever he didn’t answer your calls, or talked to another woman, and even ignored you for days on end, all it took was that damn knock that you looked forward to every week. You were addicted to him. You craved his attention, his affection, his lips. But your addiction was just that— an addiction and nothing more.

But despite all of his wrongdoings, he was just as addicted to you.

So when he pulled away, looked you in the eyes, and finished his sentence.

‘I can't give you everything…but I can give you this.’ He looked at your lips and knew exactly what he was about to do. ‘I hope this is enough.’ With his fingers under your chin, Mason leaned in and gently placed his lips on yours, knowing the damage was already done.

What could you say to that?

Yes, I want you to give yourself to me completely.

We can make this work

What if I don’t deserve to be loved?

He was right, and you knew it. There’s nothing you could say that could make this hurt any less, so you kissed him back, anyway. Even when a tear rolled down your cheek and the pain in your chest pressed against your lungs, you kissed him back. The saltiness on your lips, the same flavor as the bitterness in your heart.

You could both taste it.

Mason didn’t say anything. He just moved his hands down your thighs until he reached your knees, scooting you closer to him. And you let him. You let him move you into whatever position he wanted you in because you no longer had the energy to object.

You didn’t care to notice when he pulled down slacks and his boxers after that. You didn’t care to take in the sight of his pre-cum-leaking length, bobbing up and down and more than ready to split you in two because you didn’t have to. You’d seen it a hundred times before.

The only difference was this was the last time.

Your disheartened state wasn’t invisible to Mason. It pained him more than he expected when you didn’t even glance at him while he stripped like you did before. You didn’t squeeze your legs together or bite your lip, you just sat there, frozen.

‘If you want me to stop, just tell me,’ If only you could’ve seen the way his face fell as he kneeled in front of you to wipe away the tear he caused, only to be met by you flinching and turning your cheek before he could reach.

The message couldn’t be any clearer.

Is this how the night is going to end? He thought. Granted, he didn’t want it to come to this in the first place, but now that it had, this is how it ends? Mason wondered if this pain in his chest was how you felt every Friday; the agonizing feeling of rejection that churned in the pit of his stomach. The two of you were face to face, but you couldn’t be any further apart and he hated it but deserved it.

He doesn’t even know if he can bring it upon himself to say sorry to you again. It won’t change anything—and it certainly wouldn’t make either of you feel any less shitty—but most importantly, it just lengthened the list of the ways he failed you. So he didn’t apologize. He gave you one last sorrowful look before standing up and reaching for his clothes on the floor.

Your lips didn’t tell him you wanted to stop, but everything else did; your tears, body language, lack of eye contact, and closed-off demeanor were louder than the words you didn’t speak. Internally, you thanked him for not saying sorry— you don’t know how many more of his apologies you could take—but you panicked a little when he backed away.

You wanted him to feel your pain, but you didn’t want him to leave.

Before you even realized what you were doing, your hand caught his arm to stop his movements. You cursed yourself for not being stronger, for not cutting him off after the first he hurt you like you usually would with anyone else, but you refused to let this be your last memory of him—of both of you. And now that you had his attention, you had to speak. ‘Just go slow,’ you cleared your throat.

You didn’t even look him in the eyes as you spoke; he doesn’t deserve that.

Mason’s eyes went to his arm and the way you desperately held on to him while hiding your embarrassment; it triggered something in him. You sucked in a shaky breath when he nodded and dropped his clothes back onto the floor.

Without saying a word, he moved you back into the position he had you in before; your head resting against the back of the chair with your hanging ass off the edge, and your legs open on either side of him. Mason rested himself between your thighs, towering over you, taking in the sight of your naked body ready to be used by him .

For two people just looking for some relief, this was strangely…intimate. Other than the kissing sounds, the room was dead silent. His lips gently sucked on your neck, then your collarbone, and your breasts, before moving back up. He kissed you like he had all the time in the world and it was painstakingly sensual. You squirmed under his touch, already worked up and exhaling soft moans while he held your hips in place.

He had complete access to you.

Your cunt clenched every time he spoke in your ear, and you didn’t mean to moan when Mason moved his hand between your bodies and slid his middle and ring finger up and down your glistening slit. ‘You’re drenched,’ he sucked in a deep breath, his cock twitching, feeling your arousal coat his fingers. ‘I’m going to put it in. Is that alright?’ He adjusted himself, lining his hips up with yours.

‘Do whatever you want.’ It was clear how this was going to go. You wanted this more than you let on—you yearned for this—but deep down, you told yourself this was all out of sympathy.

In bold letters, your mind told you that Mason pitied you and he was only going to fuck you because you practically begged for it. So, you didn’t tell him to do whatever he wants in a sexy, ‘I’m giving you all control’ kind of way, you said it in a nonchalant, ‘I don’t care. Just get it over with’ kind of way. And deep down, it hurt both him and you.

Mason sighed and took himself in his hand. His forehead leaned against yours as you both watched him give his cock a few relaxed tugs. It was that feeling—that addicting feeling of his thick shaft sliding between your folds to coat himself in your slick, before pushing his tip inside of you that made you both forget everything except how badly you both needed this.

‘Shit’

You both moaned almost too loudly once he got past the head. He was big, bigger than anyone you had been with before. The first stroke was always the most painful, but you were used to him, and you were wet enough to not need any prep. He knew this.

He knew all of your sexual needs, what you could take and what you couldn’t. He knew what drove you crazy and what was too much.

Little by little, he stretched you out and you ate it up. You felt the familiar pressure radiate in your abdomen; clearly, you were out of practice and already full but you never told him to stop or wait. Mason watched your head tilt back and your jaw slack with pleasure, and used that opportunity to kiss any skin he could put his lips on.

The sight of you taking him always made his chest swell.

Mason pushed in another inch, and your hands immediately pressed against his stomach. ‘I know, baby, let me in,’ he cooed, moving your hands from his stomach and bringing them up to his mouth as he kissed the palms of your hands. His soft tone relaxed you, and without warning, he pushed in another inch.

You swear you felt his dick jump.

‘Shit —That’s it…That’s my girl.’

At some point, Mason gave you a chance to settle around him. He paused to stroke your hair or occasionally let his thumb glide over your clit to counteract the pressure before starting up again.

It was disgusting the way he controlled your emotions. He had all the knowledge of your likes and dislikes, and even now, he played into them; whispering sweet nothings in your ear as he filled you up, praising you for every inch you took, and cursing once it was finally all in.

You both sighed in relief like it was routine. Without trying, he pressed against your cervix and there was nothing you could do about it but moan and bury your face in his chest—it was music to his ears. You wanted to stay quiet, to take him and not give him the satisfaction of letting him know how good he was making you feel, but each grind against your hips made your toes curl and your grip on him tighter.

He fucked you at a slow, torturous pace, not because it felt good, but because he needed this to last. He needed to savor every tight ring of muscle he pushed through and every sound he drew from your full lips.

As much as he wanted to deny it, he couldn’t lie; he’d been thinking about this for weeks. Every time he was inconvenienced at work, or stressed, or had to stay at work longer than he needed to, he thought about burying himself between your thighs while you clawed at his back and begged him not to stop. He thought about releasing his stress inside of you and watching you drink it from him after he fucked your absolute brains out.

And that was just on a Tuesday.

It was like an addict’s first fix after going through withdrawals; he doesn’t remember how or why he went so long without you. The way your walls molded to his size and length, squeezing him in all the right places, and— god— don’t even get him started on your warmth. He didn’t say it, but he could feel your heartbeat between your legs before he even put it fully in.

Up until this moment, it was like you two were back in your bed. His mouth hovered over yours while your hands rested on his thighs with his cock deep in your stomach.

He wanted to taste your lips again, but you didn’t grant him that privilege. This time, boundaries were set.

Fuck buddies don’t kiss, right?

He made it abundantly clear that’s all you were, so this is all he would get. Fuck buddies don’t need to look into each other’s eyes during every stroke, and they don’t need to kiss each other on the mouth—that’s reserved for lovers, right?

So, you shut your eyes and turned your cheek when he leaned in. You could tell he didn’t expect that when his hips stuttered for a moment. Mason’s brows furrowed as he turned your chin with his index finger, but you resisted.

“Don’t be like that…kiss me.” There was hurt in his voice. Your coldness stung more than it should have. Never has Mason ever been refused, especially romantically. He called your name lovingly, still trying to turn your face towards him.

He wanted your attention and your refusing to give it to him felt like a punch in the gut.

Out of frustration, he thought about gripping your jaw and forcing himself onto your lips, simply because he could, but he knew better. Instead, he opted to comfort himself in the crook of your neck. You couldn’t stop him from nibbling on your ear or licking down the side of your neck even if you tried.

Your stifled whimpers turned into moans as Mason picked up the pace of his thrust. He wanted to get a rise out of you. You were distant, in your own little world, while Mason pumped himself in and out of you. The physical pleasure was there, but you showed him emotion.

He wondered how he could be inside of someone and still feel worlds apart.

You used you to beg him to keep going. Every chance you got, your mouth was on his, telling him every thought that came to your mind while he fucked your insides. Mason loved that you were vocal, not just because of your moans, but because he knew you’d always tell him how you felt. He looked forward to hearing what you wanted and how you wanted it, and hearing your eager fucked-out responses even when you didn’t hear what he said because you were too overwhelmed and too focused on your approaching peak.

But now, you didn’t give him any of that. You just laid there with your hands on his stomach, barely letting his chest touch yours, and barely letting yourself moan. Despite how good it felt.

‘C’mon baby, talk to me. You know I hate it when you get quiet,’ he cooed in your ear, grabbing your wrist and pushing himself further against you. ‘Tell me how good it feels…tell me you love it.’

You gasped in time with his thrusts at the extra pressure of him burrowing his dick deeper into you. Mason grunted, waiting for you to respond without stopping. ‘Fuck—Say my name, love.’ It took all your energy to keep quiet. You didn’t answer him and you still didn’t look him in the eyes.

Mason was getting desperate. Sweat dripped down his forehead at the way you were tightening around him. He didn’t know how much longer he could last. He tried so hard to get you to at least look at him—to spare him a quick glance before his inevitable release, but you’d rather focus on the walls behind him than give in to him again.

‘Damn it,’ he grunted. In one last-ditch effort to save the memory of what the two of you once were, Mason grabbed your ass and squeezed it tight, repositioning you on the chair so he could bottom out into you fully.

It wasn’t until his hands cupped the back of your knees and pushed them into your chest, did you finally look at him with wide eyes. His pelvis was now completely flush against your own, and you took it all.

‘Mason wait,’

You swear you heard him thank god when his eyes locked with yours. Your hands shot up to grab his arms and your mouth hung open against his lips as he rested his forehead on yours. ‘There you are,’ he whispered in a low voice. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t kiss you. He understood that wasn’t what you wanted anymore, but he let it be known that he still could, whether you want it or not.

It was his silent dominance that turned you on so, so much. You tried to look away again; no, you needed to look away otherwise, you’d fall back into his painful grasp. But your efforts were useless when he held you by the back of your hair to keep your head facing him. ‘Nuh-uh. Don’t shut down on me, I’m still here…I’m right here,’

He didn’t stop. The sound of skin slapping echoed throughout the building and you hated how much it turned you on. Your hands did nothing to stop his relentless pounding on your cunt; he was now in the perfect position to hit that one spot that led you to your undoing every time, and you could hardly breathe. Mason hissed when you dug your manicured nails into his biceps as he pinned you down. He felt so good it was painful.

Your hands came down in front of you to push him again and minimize the impact of his thrusts, but he held your forearms at your sides before you could protest. The sound of your sobs, along with your beautiful face contorting into one of pleasure, was enough to have him question everything he said earlier. He was so close, so close . ‘Talk to me, love,’ he grunted. ‘Tell me you don’t want me to go.’

How funny.

It was like the roles had reversed. Call it pettiness or bitterness, but you wanted him to hurt; You wanted to make him regret not choosing you because, in reality, you loved him. You wanted more—you needed more than one day out of the week. Hell, you craved him every day… but telling him that wouldn’t make a difference. Mason’s mind was made, and part of you resents him for it.

‘Please, baby…’ he stilled inside of you once both your silence and his pleasure were too much to bear, panting against your neck. His voice sounded like it was on the verge of defeat and he wondered if he had finally lost you. The heat of his breath on your skin made you shiver as your chest heaved up and down.

‘You’re a coward,’ you finally spoke.

Hearing your voice, Mason shot up from the crook of your neck to look at you. You cursed at your heartstrings when you watched his eyes light up.

‘Yes, I’m a coward.’ His hands immediately went to cup your face as if he didn’t register what you said. ‘I don’t deserve you.’ He said it so enthusiastically, placing soft, sporadic kisses all over your face; it was almost pathetic. How could you hate him when he was so happy just to hear you finally speak to him again?

‘I’m so sorry’

There’s that damn apology

For all you know, that was your breaking point. Tears welled in your eyes. ‘I should've never come here, you are an idiot Mason,’ your voice cracked. The light in Mason’s eyes didn’t fade, even as you cursed and called him out his name, hitting and scratching him, he still kissed your skin just as gently as he had before.

You choked out a shaky exhale when he went back to rolling his hips, brushing against your already bruised G-spot. You felt him grow impossibly harder inside of you.

‘Yes,’ he hissed. ‘Keep talking.’

Your eyes widened when he picked you up by your waist and held you on his pelvis. ‘No! Stop! Put me down!’ You thrashed and pushed him, but it was no use. He was already walking away from the chair and pushing you against the wall.

You went for his face, his neck, his chest, anything you could put your claws on, and Mason took the pain as he took hold of your wrists. ‘I don’t want this,’ You lied.

Mason knew it was a lie because your voice was softer as you said it, shakier, like it hurt you to say it aloud, and hurt him that you felt like you had to say it. Although he didn’t blame you. He didn’t blame you for any of this. How could he?

He watched the tears slip from the corners of your beautiful, sad eyes. ‘I hate you,’ you choked out. Your breaking voice was barely above a whisper and Mason felt his heart split in two. He always did love to hear what you had to say, even when it was painful to hear. You didn’t mean it even though it felt like you did.

You hated his unwillingness to put his fears or pride aside so you could love each other fully. You hated the hold he had on your heart, your mind, your body. You hated how good the sex was and you hated that he wouldn’t give you more than that. Most of all, you hated that this was how it would end…but you didn’t hate him.

He took your wrists that were in his hands and brought them to his lips. He did his best to comfort you and wipe your tears.

‘I know, baby,’ he cooed, stroking the hairs that stuck to your face as he kissed your tears.

He placed you on the washing machine again as it creaked as he started to move again. You were like putty in his hands, so malleable, so vulnerable. Out of all the men you’ve ever been with, Mason was the only one who had this kind of effect on you. It was unhealthy the way he made you question everything about yourself; your emotions, your sex appeal, you wanted to look good for him.

You wanted to be his

‘Don’t leave me,’ your words came out as a quiet sob and Mason could feel the lump in his throat start to form. He knew that if he spoke, all of his emotions would pour out at once, so he let your shaky hands pull him in. He let your lips graze his and your noses dance around each other.

Testing the waters, his tongue ghosted over your bottom lip as if he were asking for permission and Mason took the faint noise you made in response as an invitation. He tilted his head to his right, before closing his eyes, and finally kissing you once more. This time you didn’t turn away, and you didn’t shut him out.

The kiss was slow and tasteful, just like his strokes. Every groan he let out, every lick and nip at your bottom lip was deliberate. The deep vibrations he moaned into your mouth rang like a love letter to you; it was intimate.

You could feel the butterflies in your stomach start up again like a schoolgirl kissing her crush for the first time. Your fingers laced in his hair, tugging it just hard enough to earn a growl and a calculated press against your stomach as he angled his hips upwards; a move that had both of you on the edge.

The irony of him fucking you at this tender, love-making pace when he promised that was something he couldn’t give you. ‘I'm not capable of love,’ he said . ‘You deserve someone that could give you the love you deserve,’ he said.

Was this not it?

Was this not him finally being honest with himself and realizing that maybe something official wouldn’t be so bad?

Neither of you kept track of the time, but you stayed like that for a while, moaning and grinding until your lips were swollen.

Thoughts started forming in your head. Childish daydreams of you and him eating out and going on walks, Late-night phone calls eventually turning into late conversations when you two finally moved in together, and thoughts of sleeping beside him and waking up to find him still there with the morning sun on Saturday.

You should’ve known better.

You whimpered when you felt him pull away from your lips, but the loss in contact was instantly replaced when rested his forehead against yours again, and his heavy breathing mixed with your own. You loved when he did that, the intimacy of it always made you weak.

Something in you told you he was about to speak, you anticipated it.

His voice rang in your head.

I was wrong

Come home with me

I’ll stay

but instead, you were met with a low, raspy, ‘Tell me this is enough.’

Words cannot describe how quickly your eyes snapped open and your smile fell. ‘What?’

Mason’s jaw clenched as he worked up the courage to repeat himself. ‘This…is all I can give you. I need to hear you say it…for both of our sakes.’

He’s reaching his limit.

His head was still casually, resting on yours like he didn’t just completely undermine the best minutes of your life with five words. ‘You can’t be serious,’ you give an awkward chuckle before realizing he was dead serious.

‘No!’ you spit. You shoved him back, the butterflies in your stomach quickly turned into disgust, and you were back to thrashing around under him. ‘Was that not enjoyable for you? Did I make a mistake?’

Mason shook his head as if you were inconveniencing him. ‘it’s not like that. You know it isn’t.’

‘Then what is it?!’ you yelled. ‘Mase-‘

‘Tell me this is enough…and you will be happy with this. I need you to be happy with this.’

‘I’m not!’

You tried everything. You tried kissing him again, grinding, moaning, touching, anything to reignite the flame that engulfed you mere seconds ago, but he didn’t give in. Mason practically flinched when you brought your hands up to his face again.

‘We don’t have to be together!’ you said, frantically caressing him. ‘We can stay like this. You don’t need to be mine. Just let me be yours.’ You begged him.

‘Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be,’ he pleaded.

‘How could you say that?’ Your glossy eyes scanned his face for any signs of hesitation or emotion. You looked for the light that shined in his irises whenever you spoke. It was gone, dimmed, and dull on his expressionless face.

Was he always so cold?

‘Please don’t make me say it.’ At this point, there was no use in stopping the tears from falling.

With all his might, he wanted to say it. It crawled its way from his heart to the tip of his tongue as he watched you break down because of his selfishness—his cowardice.

He wanted to tell you how much sleep he lost in the weeks he didn’t speak to you. He wanted to tell you how long he debated pressing the dial button last night because he missed the sound of your voice. He wanted to tell you he looked forward to hearing your door unlock whenever he knocked every week.

He wanted to tell you it was never about the sex.

It was the moments like the minutes after when you both laid together and talked about your week. It was the warmth of your skin as you cuddled up next to him under the sheets, and the way you pretended to stay awake and listen to him speak even though you could hardly keep your eyes open. It was when he noticed your soft breathing that indicated that you had finally fallen asleep. And every time, he would stay awake a little longer just to hold you and whisper the things he could never say out loud.

You took one long look at his face and realized this was a battle you could never win. He made up his mind and wasn’t giving you another choice.

This was truly your last moment together.

Mason laced his fingers with yours as he rocked you against the washing machine and you moaned for him, louder than you ever had before, because you wanted your voice to be etched into his mind. You licked your way into each other's mouths, memorizing the taste, and no one said anything about the tears.

You didn’t bring up the salty droplets that dripped onto your face as he kissed you—there was no need. Instead, you brushed your thumb along his cheek and wiped the wetness away, just as he did to you.

Mason’s pace quickened when you announced that you were about to come and— god— did it feel good. Without stopping, he talked you through your orgasm; telling you how pretty you looked coming on him, grunting out how you’re the best he’s ever had, and asking you if it felt good when he fucked you harder.

And you gave him those fucked out responses he loved so much. Your eyelids were low and heavy as you nodded your head numbly, letting out a series of ‘Oh god’s,’ ‘Don’t stop’s,’ and ‘Fuck, Mase. Right there.’ He was going insane.

You clenched around him as you came undone. Your legs caged him in and he thrusted into you like his life depended on it. For the last time, Mason called out your name and dug his nails into your waist, sputtering above you as you milked him from the inside.

He gave you everything he had, and you did the same.

You gave in.

This was enough

if he told you to do anything, you would’ve done it. But now, all you could do was reminisce and imagine a future where Mason wanted to be your boyfriend: a future where he asked you to stay.

[copperbadge]

I've been putting off asking this, because I didn't want to fuck with anyone's process, and I know it can be hard to talk about therapy or hard to do it if you've talked about it, but like...people who are in therapy and feel you're deriving benefit from it, what do you do in it? Not generic stuff like "work on my problems", specifically what do you say and do? What do they do? What is the benefit you feel you get?

The problem I'm having is that it feels like how Catholic friends have talked to me about going to confession as kids before they fully understood how it worked, making stuff up to confess because they hadn't done much to warrant confession. I keep trying to come up with things therapy could help with, stuff to bring to the meetings, and not finding much. My therapist is fine, it's not that she's unhelpful; she does the stuff a therapist is supposed to do, like validating or active listening, but I don't really need validation and I don't feel any benefit from just talking about stuff. I think my access to catharsis is very narrow if it's present at all.

I tried bringing therapy types of problems to her, interpersonal stuff, but most of those I don't really have a say in solving, and the ones that I can influence I generally have already worked on. It feels like roughly 99% of my problems could be solved with money (admittedly more money than I have or probably ever will) and the other 1% aren't...solvable. Like there isn't much a therapist can do about the AC being off for the next three weeks in my building.

But my only other experience of this is when I was a kid and didn't get a say in it, and that generally felt like an obscure form of punishment. And I know people do get something out of it! It's not me trying to take a passive aggressive swipe at therapy. I'm just perplexed as to what I'm meant to be doing to make it useful. I feel like I'm missing the point, but also like maybe I'm just not someone the point was meant for.

I'm not trying to call myself the picture of mental health or anything but like, you can't talk-therapy ADHD into submission, and the other issues aren't under my control. I tried floating the idea of improving my emotional regulation but I suspect this is as good as it gets, because there doesn't seem to be any kind of process or system for fixing that. I don't especially anticipate it or feel better or worse about things after, I just log off the call and get on with fixing dinner. It's a non event other than the copay and an hour spent on Zoom. Which I can spare, I don't mind the money or the time, it's just....why am I doing it?

So, what do you do? Because if I get answers about stuff I'm not doing then I can try that, and if I get answers about stuff I've tried, maybe this just isn't for me. Wouldn't be the first time and won't be the last that I'm not quite built for something that other people find valuable. Although admittedly usually it's a tv show or a video game and not mental health treatment.

[f4nrir]

a lovers quarrel

一 pairing; miguel o'harra x male reader

note: I haven't seen any male!reader for him and I am obsessed with this man. anyway, please let me know if y'all like this so I can write more for him. feedback would be appreciated!

cw: nsfw, 18+. angst, angry hate sex, slight dub-con, anal, overstimulation, face slapping, power bottom!reader.

summary: you get into an argument with miguel regarding the situation with miles. you put him in his place. word count: 2.8k

݁݁⠀⠀ ،̲،̲ ⠀ . @he11mouth

“Miguel!” was the last thing you remember saying before Miguel had broken into a fit of rage, chasing after Miles like a rabid dog. You sighed and turned around to be met with Gwen, who began to shake her head at what you were about to do. Sometimes it scared you that she could read your mind, it was a comforting feeling yet you knew that this wouldn’t be a good idea. You put on your mask and angled your wrist, shooting out a web as you swung from pole to pole in order to catch up with them both. After you saw them in your line of sight, you jumped down and began to run on both feet, easily catching up with Miguel. He noticed you from his peripheral vision and growled in anger, knowing that meant he was extremely upset. His pace fastened as he knew what you were about to do. However, you were smarter than that and jumped, slamming him down onto the ground to have him let go of the grip he had on Miles. 

“Go Miles, now!” your voice boomed loudly and the teenager looked at you with sorrow yet gratefulness in his eyes. He didn’t take another second to run away, being able to escape Miguel’s wrath. Miguel looked at you with anger and distrust as he watched you let Miles go, thinking you knew better than to side with a boy you barely knew. He felt as if the relationship you two had built meant nothing to you as you were able to betray him without hesitance, no regard as to how he’d feel. That you didn’t think before acting and now he lost control, he lost power in a situation. 

He took off his mask, being met with his disheveled hair and blood-red eyes. “Why would you do that!” he yelled, gripping tightly onto his mask. You have never seen him so angry before and you took off your own, looking him in the eye as he spoke. “You betrayed me. We were supposed to work together, we are a team! How could you be so stupid!” his words felt like venom, making your blood boil with each word that came out of his mouth. Then you did the unthinkable, “How could YOU be so stupid?” you heard loud gasps from the crowd that surrounded you both and Gwen caught up with you, landing on both feet beside you. 

You grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling his face closer to yours. “What is wrong with you? Miles is a teenager, Miguel, this isn’t some kid you can just slam into the ground! Did you ever think about his side of the story? Did you give him time to speak!?” you yelled right in his face, anger building up within him. 

“He is a threat to us. Don’t you remember what happened with Dr. Strange and that little nerd on Earth-199999?? Do you want that happening to us?” he growled in a low voice, his face just inches away from you and his hot breath ran a chill down your spine. 

“Give him a chance, Miguel. You don’t know him—“ he cut you off, “and YOU DO? Of course, you’re using emotions rather than knowledge. typical you huh? stupid and empathetic.” Those words felt like a stab to the heart and Miguel was the wielder, twisting it with all his might. 

Gwen glared up at him and sneered, gently rubbing your back as you stepped away from him. “How fucking dare you, Miguel.” you didn’t give him time to respond as you walked away with Gwen before swinging together in synchrony, hoping that there was still time to catch up with Miles. 

Peter walked up behind him and Miguel looked down in shame, realizing the words that he said were extremely disrespectful. “What the fuck was that dude?” Peter asked and Miguel shook his head, putting his hand out to make him stop. 

“Everyone, just... don’t chase after them, I’ll take care of it myself,” he then walked away in the opposite direction, making his way toward the headquarters as everyone went back to what they were doing. 

Miles wasn’t too up ahead as you realized that he heard your fight, feeling guilty that he had heard the exchange of words between you both. The three of you sat down by a nearby ledge, watching your legs as they swung against the cold airy breeze. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d cause this big of a mess,” Miles’ head hung low and you pat his shoulder, gently squeezing it. 

“It’s okay, kiddo. I know you’ve only been here for a few days but I know you mean well. Miguel’s just.. uh.. protective. The alteration in Dr. Strange’s world caused massive destruction and would refuse to let that happen here too.” you let out a deep sigh and toyed with your web shooter, unable to stay still. The words echoed in your mind and you felt as if you were weak to give this boy a chance. Gwen leaned her head against your shoulder and you smiled at her, grateful for the relationship you both have developed. You were like an older brother figure to her as you helped guide her for the last several months, never leaving her side as she did the same for you. 

“You didn’t deserve that though. Miguel can be pretty irritable, although I understand he has a lot of stress on his shoulders but he should never speak to someone like that,” Gwen spoke with disappointment in her voice and Miles hummed in agreement, knowing that was wrong for him to do. 

“It’s... okay, I understand why. I’ll just talk to him and I’ll let you guys know alright? Don’t worry about it.” you flashed them both a smile and they nodded in response as you jumped off the ledge you sat at, making both of them gasp in surprise. Gwen was about to go after you until Miles stopped her, knowing that you'd catch yourself. You swung from building to building as your loud “woo’s!” could be heard all throughout the lobby. The pair exhaled in relief, watching you disappear from their sight.

You arrived home and you sighed to yourself before you opened the door to your shared home. “Miguel?” you called out as you noticed faint noises coming from one of the rooms, either Miguel was home or he left the television on again even though you’ve reminded him numerous times not to leave it on. You made your way to your bedroom and saw your boyfriend sitting there with his arms crossed, eyes focused on the television. You glanced over at it, realizing he was just watching one of his telenovela series. 

“You really aren't gonna talk to me?” you asked, clear bitterness in your voice. Miguel snickered, as he turned off the tv and faced you. 

“Why should I apologize? You betrayed me.” You ruffled up your hair in frustration, raising your balled-up fist in the air before settling it down. 

“You just never learn. Talk to me when you want to be mature.“ you turned around to exit the room, however, he caught you off guard as he shot his web in one swift motion, trapping you in here with him. The web landed on the door knob and you groaned, realizing you’d have to clean it up later as Miguel’s webs were incredibly sticky and durable. It was reliable in certain circumstances and you hated it in others. Turning around once again, you faced Miguel with a defeated look. 

“What do you want?” you asked as you attempted to make your way to your closet but was stopped by a strong force. Miguel grabbed your wrist and threw you onto the mattress, hovering above you.

Miguel didn’t speak as he let his actions do it all for him. He pinned you down underneath him as he placed kisses on your neck, digging his sharp fangs into your skin. You yelped and gripped onto his shoulders, attempting to get him off of you but realize you were at a disadvantage. 

“Get off m..me-“ he cut you off by pressing his lips against yours, pulling you into a rough yet lustful kiss. You moaned against him as your hands found their way into his hair, your fingers tangling in his locks. You tugged ever so roughly, emitting a moan from the other. He began to grind against you, your bulge growing as the minutes passed. You hissed at the contact as you grew more sensitive to your cocks frotting against each other. 

Miguel pulled away, desperately taking off his clothes, and urged you to do the same thing. You sat up slightly and tampered with your suit, managing to get it off within a timely manner. He pulled you into another kiss, but you had an advantage this time. You flipped both of you over, pinning him below you as you straddled his lap. 

“I hated how you talked to me today,” you whispered in his ear, as there was venom in your tongue with how you enunciated your words. You grabbed his jaw, forcing him to look up at you. Miguel looked at you with lustful and slutty eyes, practically begging to be fucked.

“I’m sor—“ You slapped his cheek, leaving a bright red handprint on his face. “Are you really sorry, Miguel?” 

“Y..yes, sir I’m s-“ another hit, and you noticed him flinch in surprise. “Sorry, didn’t hear you loud enough. What did you say?”

“I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, having a slight tone in his voice. You always knew how to put Miguel in his place; this was one of the easiest ways to weaken him. Although you felt a bit bad, you knew he enjoyed it as he reassured you numerous times it is okay to do that to him.  

“That’s a good boy.. that’s all you had to do,” you placed a kiss on his temple, and to his surprise, you grabbed his hair and made him look at you. 

“Here’s what we’re going to do... I’m going to please myself and use you. Got it?” Miguel whined and you let out a laugh, shaking your head at his response. 

“How pathetic. Only if everyone knew how much of a whore you are,” you looked over at your nightstand and grabbed the lube, lathering up his cock as you hover over it. Miguel winced at the temperature of the liquid but settled down right as you began touching him, quickly taking away that privilege and he bucked his hips up in the air. 

You wrapped your hand around his neck, squeezing lightly at first on the sides. Miguel moaned, being caught off guard by your sudden movement. He let out a cough as you squeezed once again, but harder this time. “No touching.” you sternly ordered and he scoffed in response. Miguel then grabbed your waist and lined himself up against you, attempting to thrust inside of you in one go. You felt the tip of his head enter you and you gasped, before turning your attention back to him. You grabbed both of his arms and cuffed his wrists to the bed posts, thanking your lucky stars that you didn’t put it away the previous night. 

“You disgusting pervert,” you leaned back and slowly lowered yourself onto his cock, moaning out loud as it stretched you out from all over. Miguel’s hips began shaking as you began to move, keeping a steady slow pace of riding. 

“ ¡a..ah mi vida, lo siento. por favor más rapido, mas rapido- agh!” he whined into the atmosphere of your bedroom, feeling the air become humid as the room filled up with the scent of sex. 

“No, vete a la mierda. Tú te hiciste esto Miguel..” you growled in his ear and tears began to well up in his eyes, only laughing in his face as you quickened your pace. 

"F—fuck, Miguel..” you threw your head back as you moaned out his name proudly, earning a louder sound from him. Miguel was a mess underneath you as his legs began shaking even further, knowing that meant his orgasm was coming soon. You continued to quicken your pace, feeling your own legs tremble and the warm feeling into your stomach pool within. 

You placed your palms against his chest as you rode out your climax, painting it all over his stomach. Miguel cried as he reached his own and came inside of you, continuing your pace from before.

“Please! s—stop, I’m sorry, please. mi amor, por— agh!” he begged for you like a pathetic dog as you felt him melt underneath you, giving into submission. You smirked down at him as his eyelids fluttered open, his expression looking dazed. 

You got off of him and he mumbled thank you under his breath, desperately bucking his hips into the air. 

“I’m not done with you yet, Miguel” his eyes widened as you used the cum from your orgasm to pump your cock, using it as your own lube. You got in between his legs and he tried to kick away from you but you pinned both of his legs down. “Careful. You might end up torturing yourself even further,” you then lined yourself up against him and wasted no time thrusting inside of him in one go. Miguel yelled out your name, begging for you to stop but you knew it was just one of his antics. He knew your safe word, although he’s never had to use it. He knew he was safe with you but disliked the process of getting punished. 

You looked down on him from above and Miguel continues to scream out your name, feeling completely ruined and used as you showed no mercy in fucking him. 

“You wanna apologize to me one more time, hm?” you grabbed his face and he nodded his head frantically, slurring “I’m sorry” under his breath as he felt overstimulated. “I’m sorry, please I’m so sorry. I should’ve never yelled at y..you— I should’ve been kinder, please—“ he pleaded and you tilted your head, “please what?”

“S.. stop, please..” he whined and threw his head back as you continued to slam into him, hitting his prostate over and over again. Miguel clutched into your back, dragging his nails across your skin and muscles. You winced at the pain, knowing his sharp claws would leave scars on your skin once it’s healed. 

“You don’t want to stop, don’t you? You like feeling like this,” you then took him in your hand, pressing your thumb against the head of his cock. 

“Fuck! I.. I can’t, oh god it’s too much—“ he cried and you fastened your pace, now rubbing his slit. Miguel began to sob out in overstimulation as you jerked him off, refusing to pull your hand away.

“I need to.. cum.. please sir let me— Please I’ll be good, I won’t speak to you like that again. Please sir, plea— Agh!” your thrusts became lazy but each slam was rough and hard as you got yourself ready for your orgasm. 

“Do it with me, Miguel” you murmured under your breath as you both moaned out loud together, coming undone at the same time. You stayed inside him for a few more seconds, almost up to a minute as you wanted every drop to stay inside him. 

“You did so good, my sweet boy,” you pressed a soft kiss on his forehead and he panted, arching his back in response.

You pulled out of him, watching your cum leak out of his stretched-out hole. You groaned, noticing your dick was still hard but did not want to continue as you noticed he was dazed from it all. You took him off the handcuffs and kissed his wrists, rubbing them gently with your hands as they looked red and sore. Miguel smiled at you, peppering your hands with soft kisses. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that,” he gently grabbed your chin, making you look up at him. You placed a kiss on his thumb and you took his hand, pressing his palm against your cheek. 

“You’re okay, cariño. I’m sorry too— I should’ve not been rude or quick to de-“ Miguel hushed you, placing a finger against your lips. You blushed, as you looked at his veiny calloused hands. 

“Not your fault. I’m sorry, I should’ve been easier on Miles,” He smiled at you, but took no time to grab your jaw to make you look at him. You squirmed in his touch, trying to break out of it. Miguel then towered over you, pinning you down onto your back and he took your cock in his hand. 

“Since you’ve had fun, it’s my turn,” he smirked and dug his fangs into your neck, drawing blood with his bite. You bucked your hips up against him, earning a low chuckle from the other. 

It was going to be a long night.

[astraysimp]

♡Hi pookies! It’s 9mitm friday and boy have I been waiting for this one!I have been planning this one for soooooooo long….so I am so ready and excited to get this one out!♡ Nessa.exe has malfunctioned♡

Summary: Seungmin has never been into the party scene, but his friends still bug him about going out. But, why would he when he has you and his tiny pochacco at home?

Warnings: college!bf dad Seungmin,Seungmin’s friend are annoying, mad seungmin(not towards you or baby), FLUFF FLUFF MARSHMALLOW FLUFF, soft seungmin, cussing, petnames, fem!reader, lots of pochacco

{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}{.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.}

12.35pm

Seungmin had just been released from his last lecture. It was Friday, which meant that you didn’t have any classes that day. So, Seungmin knew you would be at your shared apartment with your baby Min Jun. He was looking forward to being able to have his peaceful weekend with you and his baby.However, Seungmin’s friends, Hyunjin and Jisung, had other plans. Seungmin’s plans never included going out and getting drunk. Typically consisting of going back to your apartment, wearing sweats or pajamas and unwinding for the weekend. Oh, and lots of time with the baby.

As he was walking out of his lecture hall and off campus, he felt two hands place themselves on each of his shoulders. “Hey, Seungmin! You down to go to the club tonight?” Hyunjin had asked, smiling at the younger boy. “No, I'm just going to go home to y/n and Minjun.” Whining, Jisung pouted, “But you never go out with us anymore! Come on!” He drawled out, stomping his foot. They always said this, every single time. Hyunjin nodded, “Yeah! Just one night, come on man! It’s been so long since we’ve gone out together!” Hyunjin added.

Seungmin could feel himself getting frustrated. No matter how many times he told them he didn’t like clubbing, he didn’t like parties, he didn’t like drinking…..they never got it. Groaning, Seungmin rebutted, “You guys know I don’t like that type of scene.Why do you keep asking?” He argued, adjusting the straps of his backpack on his shoulder. Quick to butt back in, Jisung replied, “because, you never go out with us, anymore! We’re young and in college, for God’s sake!” “Yeah, we gotta enjoy our youth, bro!” Hyunjin chimed in. Seungmin didn’t care that he was in his 20’s and in college or that he was ‘supposed’ to be out getting drunk at any chance he got. What was in the fun in waking up with a massive hangover, pounding headache and nauseated feeling the next day?

They were soooooo persistent, and Seungmin was growing mad. Usually, he would say no until the two boys gave up and went on their ways. But, for some reason, today they never gave up. Only continuing to badger, pester, poke and prod at their friend until the rubber band of usual his calm collective demeanor broke and all hell broke loose with it. With each playful shove, his anger only built, nearing the end of his rope, before he snapped. Seungmin was practically seeing red. He was livid.

“Maybe, I don’t go out because I DON’T FUCKING LIKE IT. I DON’T LIKE PARTIES AND CROWDS AND GETTING PLASTERED. I LIKE QUIET AND CALM AND DID YOU FORGET I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND BABY I GO HOME TO?! I KNOW YOU TWO LONELY FUCKERS DON’T HAVE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS OR BABIES TO LOVE ON, BUT I DO! AND I WANT TO BE HOME WITH THEM SO STOP FUCKING TRYING TO GET ME TO GO OUR AND FUCKING PARTY! IT’S NOT HAPPENING!” He snapped, shoving their hands off of him and storming away from them and towards your apartment building, still cursing under his breath. Hyunjin and Jisung’s jaws dropped, never having seen Seungmin so mad.

But, they were the ones to cause it.

Hopefully, the 10 minute walk to the apartment complex would cool him down. Maybe, feeling the wind blow through his soft brown locks, or the sun on his face or the slightly chilled breeze would help him relax. He didn’t want to return to your apartment, to you and your baby, with a sour attitude. So, picking out his airpods, he pushed them into his ears and hit shuffle on his playlist, already feeling slightly more calm.

When he was about 5 minutes away, he heard a soft ding play through his airpods, causing a brief and momentary pause in his music. It was a text from you, with a picture of your baby asleep on your chest, both of you clad in pochacco pajamas and a pochacco blanket strewn over you.

“Little pochacco is resting before papa gets home <3”

You had sent that text, albeit sleepily. Your fingers tiredly swiping over the keyboard, before you hit send and set your phone down. You, too, fell asleep waiting for Seungmin to come home.

Making his casual 10 minute walk to your apartment complex, he felt himself cooling off. But, he was still mad. He told Hyunjin and Jisung time and time and time again that no, he doesn’t like going out and partying. Why couldn’t they get it through their thick skulls and stop pestering him about it. Seungmin was never the one to go out and party, much preferring his peace and quiet.

Before he met you,while other college kids were partying, he would be in his dorm playing video games, or at quiet cafes with an iced americano or in the library studying. You were the same way, and in fact, that was how you met.

You were freshmen and it was a Friday night, and Seungmin had just entered the cafe he normally went to, and saw you sitting at a corner table, sipping an iced caramel latte with sweet cold foam and caramel drizzle, made with oat milk instead of dairy milk– which he came to know as your favorite drink and one he would order many many times in the future– perched in your hand. You were wearing a cute soft blue hoodie, the words “it’s okay” embroidered on the back, a pair of black leggings on your legs, white converse and baby blue fuzzy socks on your feet. He remembered how you had glasses perched on your nose, slightly falling as you read your book, and how your hair had tied up into a loose bun with a scrunchy.

Mostly, he remembered how nervous he felt when he saw you, the air having been knocked out of him when you caught him staring and gestured for him to come to your table. A soft smile on your face, you pushed your glasses up the bridge of your nose. “Hi there….I’m y/n.” You had introduced yourself, a soft giggle leaving your pink glossed lips. “Hi. I-I’m Seungmin.” He stuttered back. From that day on, 4 years ago, you and Seungmin had become inseparable. So inseparable to the point that everyone on your campus knew you two as “Mr and Mrs.Kim”.

When you were pregnant, you two were always together. Finding out you were expecting was scary and you cried as you told Seungmin.The two of you were still in college, your futures not even started yet. “Minnie, I’m pregnant,” you cried, burying your face in his chest. “I know, baby. It’s going to be okay,” he shushed, rubbing soothing circles onto your back. Peeking up at him you sniffled, “w-what? What do you mean ‘you know?” He only chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Bubs, I know you like the back of my hand. We’ve been together for 4 years, I track your periods. I figured it out when your app said you were late.” Oh. You smiled up at him, soft sniffles still escaping your, “Oh, okay.” You, in the end, knew it would be okay. With Seungmin, it would always be okay.

As your pregnancy progressed, he was there through it all. Every craving, every bout of morning sickness, doctors appointment, parenting class, baby shower, gender reveal, every Braxton Hicks contraction. He was there through it all, and the same went for your labor and delivery. It was a long 25 hours, but he was there for it all. Letting you squeeze his hands as contractions ripped through your body. He saw you get the epidural, even though it scared him watching the doctors push the needle into your lower back. He held your leg as you pushed, he cried when the nurses announced your baby’s head was crowning and he sobbed when he heard the shrill cries of your newborn son and saw him be placed on your chest.

Finally approaching your apartment complex, he let himself in with his keycard and walked to the elevator. Going home to you and Min Jun, who was now 8 months old, was his favorite part of the day. Humming, he pressed the button that would carry him to the 3rd floor of the complex, where you and Min Jun would be. He was growing giddy as he stepped into the elevator, hearing soft music play as the electronic doors closed. The short minute and a half ride felt too long for him.

Smiling to himself, he saw the panel show that he reached the 3rd floor, and the doors opened. Almost home, he was almost home. Holding his key in his hand, he speed walked down the hall, his eyes beaming. Ah, his beloved apartment 306.

You and Seungmin had gotten your apartment a year into your relationship having decided that 1. Dorms sucked and 2. It would just be better to live together. You were always together so it just made sense. Plus, you and Seungmin preferred the quietness an apartment offered. Your apartment was the perfect mix of you and Seungmin’s personalities. It was cozy, homely, warm and inviting. The walls painted a creme color, soft creme colored furniture making itself home. The apartment always smelled of a soft vanilla scent, thanks to your candles or wax melts or baking.

Unlocking the door, he toed his outdoor shoes off in exchange for his pochacco slippers. He saw how the kitchen was clean, dishes washed and on the drying rack. Min Jun’s high chair sitting next to your small dining table. Smiling, he softly shut the door and left his backpack on the table. “Baby, pup, I’m home!” He called out, after shrugging his denim jacket off, and walked towards the living room.

He loved the living room, pictures of you, Seungmin and Min Jun adorning the walls. Your soft cream colored couch and recliner facing opposite the tv. On the couch were soft powder blue throw pillows that you picked out, claiming they “added a cozy touch.” There was a powder blue blanket laying over the back of the couch, added for cuddle sessions or just being chilly. Next to the couch was a cream colored round coffee table, with a lamp and framed picture of the three of you seated on it. In the space between was a cream colored coffee table. Littered with pictures, a baby bottle(usually), occasionally a random plate or mug. Then, there was the rug. Which shockingly was hard to find, some being too bad and some too small. You and Seungmin thought it would be easy to find, but it wasn’t. So, you two were elated, when you found that one. It was soft, plush and powder blue in a rounded square shape and the perfect size.

Then, some of his favorite pieces of furniture. Baby Min Jun’s play mat and tummy time area. Baby toys messily scattered around the floor. Both are pochacco themed, obviously. You and Seungmin often laid on the floor, playing with Min Jun, playing blocks with him, showing him baby books or just simply enjoying tummy time with him– you loved tummy time.

It was quiet when he called out, where he’d normally be met with a “Hi baby!” and baby giggles. Seungmin was confused, as he walked into the living room. Then, he saw you and Min Jun. The two of you asleep on your couch, you and your back with Min Jun laying on you. His cheek was pressed to your chest, pochacco pacifier nestled between his lips and a pochacco blanket laying over you two. It melted his heart. Seungmin knew you didn’t have classes that day, you never did on Fridays, and that meant a day of relaxing with your little pochacco.

With soft footsteps, he approached where you lay on the couch, you looked peaceful and content. He knelt down, placing a soft kiss to your forehead and gently swept a few stray hairs from your face. “Hey, lovebug. I’m home.” He whispered, the back of his knuckle grazing your cheek. His heart swelled, overcome with love at the sight of his girlfriend and son.

The sound of his voice woke you , causing you to softly whine, as your eyes fluttered open and fell upon the sight of your Seungmin. Yawning, you sleepily smiled at him, “hi Minnie,” you whispered, your hand securing a still sleeping Min Jun to your chest. “Hi my girl, you do anything fun ” he asked. Nodding, you rubbed your eyes with your spare hand before pecking his lips. You shook your head, feeling your little pochacco wiggle on your chest. “No, just cleaned and relaxed, waiting for you.” You answered.

Min Jun has always been a heavy sleeper. So, you and Seungmin never had issues with getting to sleep through the night. However, as heavy a sleeper as Min Jun is, he always could sense when mama or papa pochacco moved, arrived, or left. It was almost as if his mama and papa senses set off alarms in his little chubby 8 month old body; that told him something was adorable. You supposed that he got it from you and Seungmin. The two of you, also being able to sense any slight change in movement when it came to each other. It was the cutest thing, truly.

Seungmin had just placed a short quick kiss to your lips, before the sounds of soft whines and whimpers were escaping from Min Jun’s pouted ones. Chuckling, Seungmin kissed his forehead, smoothing the rustled soft black hairs on Min Jun’s head. “Ah, why is my pochacco whining?” Seungmin asked, as Min Jun’s eyes, identical, to his own, looked back at him. As if he were responding, Min Jun whined again, one of his chubby hands reaching out towards his papa pochacco, Seungmin.

Holding onto his papa’s finger, Min Jun blinked his big brown eyes up at Seungmin. Min Jun put Seungin’s finger in his mouth, the pacifier long forgotten. It was a sign that he was hungry and it made you giggle. It made Seungmin’s heart melt every time, looking at a miniature version of himself. Smiling, you patted Min Jun’s, pochacco onesie covered, bum and rubbed his back. “Are you hungry, my pochacco?” You asked, as he started gumming away at Seungmin’s finger. The feeling of his son’s wet, saliva covered, gums mouthing at his finger made him cringe– affectionately, of course. Nodding his head, Seungmin smiled and placed a soft kiss against Min Jun’s chubby cheek and made his way towards your kitchen.

Seeing his papa walk away caused Min Jun to whine, longing for more love from papa pochacco. “Baby, have you eaten yet?” Seungmin called out, already grabbing ingredients for ramyeon along with a bottle, jar of pureed apples and peaches and a pochacco spoon. “No, not yet, honey.” You called back, carefully moving yourself to sit up on the couch, cradling a still whining Min Jun to your chest. “I’m making some ramyeon with eggs, honey. Is that okay?” You heard Seungmin call out, as the scent of the broth wafted its way from your kitchen to the living room. Bouncing Min Jun on your lap, you smiled and held his hands so he could stand. “Yes, bub, that sounds yummy!” You replied, as Min Jun babbled and bounced on his legs. Babbling, Min Jun placed his hands on your cheeks, effectively squishing them together and causing you to purse your lips. As best as he could for being 8 months old, he pursed his own lips and pressed them against your own. “Mwah Mwah Mwah” you managed to get out, as he still had his hands on your face. He was all giggles, loving his mama’s kisses.

Being so enveloped by kissing your baby pochacco, you hadn’t heard Seungmin call out that lunch was ready. “Babe? Pup? Lunch is ready!” Seungmin called out, only to be met with no response and the sound of baby giggles. Setting the table, he placed your steaming bowls of ramen on the dining table. Chopsticks, broth spoons and glasses of juice set alongside. “Babe,” he called again, turning to grab the jar of baby food and spoon, setting them on the tray of Min Jun’s high chair. Again, no response.

Once the tables had been set, he walked back to the living room, his eyes landing upon the sight of you and Min Jun sharing sweet kisses. He smiled to himself, quietly padding along the floor, until he was standing by the arm of the couch that was closest to where you were sitting. Leaning down, Seungmin placed a kiss on your forehead, which startled you. “Babe, lunch is ready,” he called out, chuckling as you jumped back in your seat. “Oh, sorry Min. Pup was too busy giving mama kisses. Isn’t that right, my little pochacco?” You smiled, as Min Jun’s eyes shifted to where Seungmin stood he giggled, holding his little chubby arms out to him.

Scooping the 8 month old baby into his arms, Seungmin smiled and made the short walk back to the kitchen. You were following behind, smiling at the sight of Seungmin and Min Jun. “Lunch time for you, huh bub. Are you hungry?” Seungmin smiled, as he placed the baby in his high chair, securing a (pochacco) bib around his neck. Pulling up a chair, Seungmin sat in front of the high chair, one hand holding the jar of food and the other holding the spoon. Turning to where you were sitting, Seungmin shot you a soft smile. “Babe, you go on and eat. I’ll feed the pup.” He said, carefully scooping an appropriate amount of food onto the spoon and lifting it to his son’s mouth. “Ah, say ah, bubba.” Seungmin cooed, watching Min Jun open his mouth, his lips enveloping the spoon. “Mmmmm, is it yummy, my little pochacco?” He crooned, as he continued feeding the baby.

You could only watch with love filled eyes. “The ramyeon is really good, babe. Good job.” You told Seungmin, as you picked up another bite of noodles with your chopsticks, softly blowing to cool them off before taking the bite in your mouth. “Thank you baby. Glad you like them,” he called back, still feeding Min Jun. Smiling, you move to sit next to Seungmin, carefully holding a bite of ramyeon to his mouth. “Open up, honey. You need to eat too.” You smiled, as his lips parted, exposing his beautiful smile and took the bite of food in his mouth. “Mh, thank you hon,” he said through chewing, a bit of broth dripping from the corner of his mouth.

Nodding, you smiled and continued to feed him and yourself as he fed Min Jun. “Of course, Minnie. What are we doing after this?” You pondered, seeing Min Jun get his baby food smeared around his mouth. Shrugging his shoulders, Seungmin carefully scooped the food from around the baby’s lips and fed it to him. “I don’t have anything planned. Was there anything you wanted to do, bub?” He asked, setting the now empty jar and spoon down.

You shook your head no. “Not really, maybe just go relax at the park or something later, the weather is nice.” You answered, as you and Seungmin had finished eating. Taking your dishes to the sink, you washed them clean of the food and set them in the drying rack. Seungmin had scooped Min Jun from his high chair and sat him on his lap, his small hands holding his bottle as he drank from it. Sitting down and leaning your head against his shoulder, you nuzzled into him. “The park sounds nice, honey girl.” Seungmin smiled, gently kissing your forehead. “The weather isn’t too cold,either.”

Nodding, you and Seungmin made separate ways to your rooms to get dressed. Taking Min Jun to his nursery, Seungmin laid him on the changing table. “Hm, what should we wear today, little pup?” He asked, already knowing it would be something pochacco themed. Smiling, he changed his baby’s diapers, holding his wriggly chubby legs still before sliding on a pair of baby sweatpants. He opted to go for a comfortable yet cute vibe. “So cozy, huh, bubbly?” He asked, as Min Jun looked back at him, with his brown brown eyes. “Alright, let’s get a shirt and hoodie on you. That sound good, pup?” Seungmin asked before carefully dressing him in a simple white tee shirt and a pochacco hoodie— of course with a little tail on the back and floppy black ears on its hood. “Now, for your little feet,” he cooed, kissing each of Min Jun’s feet before sliding a pair of white socks and little baby converse on his feet. “All done, my boy. Now, daddy has to get dressed.”

Meanwhile, you were in yours and Seungmin’s shared bedroom. You were humming to yourself, sliding into a pair of soft black leggings. “Hmmmm, what to wear, what to wear,” you thought aloud to yourself. Grabbing a powder blue shirt, you slipped it over your head and grabbed your hoodie. It was, also, powder blue and had a little pochacco printed on the chest area. It was well loved, and so oversized. That hoodie felt like home.

It was your favorite hoodie. Seungmin had gifted it to you on your three month anniversary, telling you “I noticed that powder blue is your favorite color, and pochacco is my favorite character. So….it’s perfect and I have a matching one. “ He blushed, watching as you hugged the hoodie to your chest.

Smiling, Seungmin had quietly slipped into your bedroom, Min Jun in his arms. “Still love that hoodie, don’t you baby?” He asked, setting Min Jun on the bed so he could also get dressed. Startled, you clutched your chest, turning to smile at your boyfriend. “Geez, Minnie. You scared me. But, yes, I still love this hoodie, it’s my favorite one,” you smiled, slipping socks and converse on your feet. “I know, I got you it, 4 years ago.” Seungmin laughed, changing into jeans and his matching hoodie. Not paying him any mind, you turned your attention to your baby. Picking him up, you smiled taking in his outfit. “Oh look at my little pochacco! Did daddy dress you! I know he did! My little cutie pie!” You cooed, as he giggled at you, his small hands waving in the air.

Not noticing that Seungmin had finished getting dressed, he called out. “Picture time!” He waved his phone, standing in front of your full length mirror. It was a tradition to snap a selfie of your outfits. “Smiling, you held Min Jun on your hip as you walked to where Seungmin was standing. Taking your place by his side, he slung his arm over your shoulders and you cuddled into his side, Min Jun balanced on your hip. “Smile!” He called, you two smiled, the shutter of his phone camera going off.

Once the picture was taken, you grabbed your purse and made your way to the kitchen, so you could get the baby bag and stroller ready. “We’ll be in the kitchen, honey. Don’t take too long.” You said. Quickly, he nodded and rushed to grab his keys and wallet. “Gotcha babe! Be right out,” he rushed as he slipped his feet into his shoes . Once he finished getting dressed, he looked at his phone, setting the new picture as his Home Screen and Lock Screen. Lowering his phone, he examined the picture and thought….

Diapers over clubs, any day

<3~ please do not repost (on any websites),copy, translate, modify, paraphrase or in any way claim my works <3~ AStraySimp est2023<3~

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[baw-sixteen]

the great war - dr3

pairing: daniel ricciardo x social media manager! reader

in which he has to leave and she wants to stay

August 24, 2022

The news didnt shock you. But it shocked him. It wasn't a mutual decision. It was their decision- Mclaren's decision. With just an email sent, their work was done and so was his.

"Babe, did you see this?"

You felt numb.

Of course you did. You were there. When they decided to end his contract. When they brought in the young Alpine reserve driver. A rookie. Another aussie.

You were given a choice.

To stay and take on the role as Oscar's social media manager or leave. Leave Mclaren, a team you've worked with for 7 years with Daniel.

"Babe?"

You were guilty. That orange envelope sat heavy in your drawer. You were yet to open it and read it. That one email from Zak sat idle in your inbox.

You didnt wanna read it.

You didn't want to leave Mclaren. They were your family.

You didn't want to leave Daniel. He was the love of your life.

He walked into the bedroom, his phone in his hand. "Hey, whats wrong?"

You said nothing. What could you have said? Oh hey Daniel! I just wanted to let you know that yeah I knew about you getting sacked but i didnt tell you vecause I want to stay at Mclaren?

There was nothing to say.

"I mean clearly this has to be a mistake, right? I am surely not gonna be jobless next year right? I mean who would drive for them?"

Your eyes were filled with tears. How do you tell him? You wanted to scream. To burn the whole Mclaren Centre down.

Sobs racked your body as the bed dipped down and Daniel's long arms, the ones you called home, wrapped around your body.

"This is a fucking joke it is."

The moment was cut off by the shrill voice of your ringtone.

Zak.

Daniel kept his eyes trained on you as he watched your hands tremble as you put the phone to your ear.

"Yes?"

"He needs to sign the deal. Bring him to the centre."

"Okay."

"Yn?"

"Hm?"

"Have you made a decision yet?"

"I- uhh"

You wanted to cry again. You didn't know. You knew it would break his heart if you said yes. And it would break yours if you said no.

"You still have till the end of the year."

"Okay."

Your hands fell down in your lap as you finally looked up at the man in front of you. His curly hair was still tousled from last night's sleep.

You didnt need to say anything. He knew that look. You stared at him as he paced around the room.

"Daniel."

That was the first time he saw that emotion in your eyes. Guilt. You knew.

You got up from the bed and started walking towards the door.

"You knew."

Time felt like it had stopped. There was an angry ocean in between you. He was so close yet so far. You wanted to hug him, tell him everything was going to be okay but you knew. you knew nothing would be okay now.

"Yes"

____________________________________________

The car ride to the McLaren Centre was quiet. The small humming of the engine comforted you as your boyfriend didn't even share you a glance. You got out of the car and started walking towards the conference room where everyone was supposed to be. You were shivering. It was summer but somehow it felt like you were in the bloody Appalachians.

Daniel banged open the door of the conference room as he angrily walked inside. His anger soon washed away as he saw the board of directors, Andrea, Zak and other members sitting around the table.

"Daniel." Zak got up from the chair and walked towards him. Daniel felt like a little kid who was called into the principal's office. "Listen I know how you feel but.."

You zoned out the whole conversation as different members of the room took their turns to say how incapable Daniel was, how not enough your boyfriend was.

He was enough.

He was enough for that piece of tractor they had built. He was fucking brilliant.

You could see Daniel's ego shrank as they scratched and poked at his flaws.

One thing you had learned about Formula One drivers after working with them for so many years was they had an ego. All of them. They need it to be the best. As Max used to always say, in order to be the best you need to think that you are the best.

You could see that confident Daniel fade away in front of eyes. You felt so fucking sorry but there was nothing you could have done.

Later that day, Michael and Blake had come over. Daniel being without a job next year meant he was out of a job too. You knew he wouldn't like that.

"So what do we do?"

You were in the kitchen, the both of you. Daniel was talking to his parents on the phone in the living.

"He's my best friend. And the love of your life. We both love him just as much as we love our jobs. So what are you going to do?"

"McLaren wants me to stay. They want me to move on as Oscar's social media manager."

For the first time, you felt some weight off your shoulders. You hadn't been able to tell anyone about this.

"Im guessing you're taking it?"

"I dont know."

You looked at him. The only person who could understand your dilemma was him. More than needing the money, you loved your job.

"Staying would break his heart and leaving would break mine." You sighed. "What about you? I mean now you're in the market too."

"I have got an offer"

That was the first time you had smiled in a day.

"Ooh! Where to, boss?"

"Alpha Tauri. Yuki Tsunoda's trainer is leaving so.."

Dilemma hung in the air as you picked up two coffee cups and Michael picked two up. You walked to the living room where Daniel and Blake sat, an orange envelope sat open in front of them.

You felt like your heart had stopped.

One of the cups trembled a bit but Michael steadied it before it could fall. Daniel looked at you. His eyes filled with betrayal.

"How did you-"

"How did I? How could you!" There had only been a few times Daniel had raised his voice at you but never like that.

"Daniel I was gonna tell you-"

"Oh to hell with that! You should have burned these papers the moment you even received them!"

"Oh Daniel please-"

"I can't believe this! My own girlfriend!"

You, Blake and Michael watched as he paced across the room. With each step he took, with each word he said, it felt like he was stepping on your broken heart.

"Are you?"

"What?"

"Are you gonna take it?"

Silence filled the room. All of them looked at you expectantly. They were waiting for an answer. But how could you let them know? That so were you. The war wasn't over yet. Not one side had won.

"I dont know"

____________________________________________

2nd April, 2023

"Hey, you!"

You turned around to the sound of the voice.

"Hey."

"I just met up with Joe and Grace. They were looking for you."

You smiled. Even after all this time you stayed their favourite.

"I dont know if he'd want me to meet them. He's here isnt he?"

"Of course he is. I know Aus is home for me too but everywhere I go his big-ass face is everywhere."

A small laugh came out of you. You wouldnt call the decision you made last year as the best but it sure was one of the best. Yes you had lost Daniel but you were happy. Oscar wasnt much of a menace until it came to Lando. But you missed him. And being in Australia was harder. He was the home hero. Even if he wasnt racing, he was the hero.

"We should go. Fp2 is about to end."

Michael sighed.

"Yeah. Good luck with Oscar."

"Good luck with Yuki. You need that more."

Not everyone is meant to be. Yes he was the love of your life. But god forbid you had met at the wrong time. Daniel Ricciardo might have not been the forever kind of love, but you were glad he had been the epic kind of love.

That way, even if your love didnt, you both had survived the great war.

____________________________________________

author's note: i really wanted to write about that! hope you enjoyed it!!

[sourbinnie]

and i wouldn't marry me either | minho x gn!reader heavy angst | a pathological people pleaser

"don't you dare take it off, if you do i'm out that door." he said and every word resonate in me. it hit where it hurt and it stung in my heart like never before. argument after argument i tried to give him my all, tried to find a reason why i was staying in a dark hole with no way out. why did i put up with this? love isn't supposed to be all fairytales but it also isn't supposed to be a weight on your chest you can't shake off. 

"then what am i supposed to do? continue with my life while you try to destroy me?" i said having enough with all of this. all the fights that led to absolutely nothing and all the drama we created just to damage us. "minho i'm done, i know you never wanted to be with me and that i'm not the fucking best significant other out there but-."

"stop this isn't about that and you know it!" he said, raising his voice again and losing his temper. he was in the same level of done with all this bullshit as i was but he had a more aggressive way of showing it.

"then what is it about? because i can't do it anymore! i don't wanna fight with you. i don't wanna have to tear myself apart just to go through another day with you because you don't love me anymore!" i yelled and this time i left him shocked as i tried to control my tears and my anger at the same time. "can't you see that you're losing me? that i don't want this anymore?"

"you know that's not true, don't fucking say that." he said bitterly but i could see through his mask. he wanted to cry as much as i wanted to bawl my eyes out right at that moment. "you could never leave me... right jagi? you wouldn't fucking leave right?"

it broke everything inside of me to see the tears finally falling from his eyes after every fight where it was just me crying. it also made me mad as hell that he thought i couldn't just leave him, like i didn't have the nerve to do that because i've always been way more introverted and more closed off, like i couldn't make my own decisions without making sure everyone else agreed with me. well if time taught me something, it is that i do have what it takes to grab my things and leave a scene when it got too difficult and catastrophic. 

"you're making me want to leave more & more every day." i said clearly with no more tears streaming as i was so completely done. i reached my final point as i saw him getting on his knees to beg for me to stay. "don't you dare, i cannot do this right now minho."

"please jagi. i know it's a lot to ask but think about it for a second, we're supposed to get married! i want the rest of my life with you. i'll be better, i'll do better and we'll get past this." he said and at another time i would've believed every single word he was saying but right now it all tasted the same to me. every lie just got bigger and bigger while every word that fell from his mouth just didn't sound real to me. nothing seemed real, all of this that we built was fake and i was getting exhausted of having to go another day with the same false reality we built. 

"no, i can't do this." i simply said and decided to walk in the direction of our shared bedroom. i didn't know if i was gonna leave or stay in this house but every bone in me wanted to head towards the front door. how much did i have to go through for it to get to this point? how longer could i be in a house i never belonged in?

why did the man i fell so hard for made me now want to leave to never see him again?

"is this the end?" he asked as he sat on the bed and i just nodded, not being able to say anything but sitting next to him. as i looked one last time at my ring, i decided it was done for good and i took it off. i couldn't be haunted by happy memories anymore, not when i was living in hell and getting through the heartbreak that it was leaving him. "please keep it."

"i can't keep it minho, you've spent a lot of money on it." i responded and looked him in the eye. the broken man that was sitting there was supposed to be my one and only. it's too bad that time showed us that we could be destroyed so easily time after time. 

"can i kiss you one last time?" he asked as he held the ring tightly in his hand. i didn't know what to answer as i just leaned in and let go for a second. the kiss was so much deeper and passionate that i expected, the last one i thought as i tried to go through every memory in my head. the last one as i imagined us in our wedding and having the best day of our lives. the last one as everything crumbled apart and we separated, wanting more but not letting each other cross that limit.

the last time.

that was the last time i saw minho.