#like hes barely phased hes just like “well shit didnt go as planned but i will adapt accordingly”

[unknownorigins-uo]

hey btw i headcanon agender otto octavius because of the manga where he shares a brain with a japanese schoolgirl.

[schlattslonghairytoes]

make the cut 🥎

A.P calc teacher schlatt x A.P studio art teacher reader

when the athletics associate at the school you work at asks you to coach the girls softball team, you agree. only to find you share the field with your sometimes favorite coworker.

it had been a few months since schlatts infamous halloween party

and things between you and him were great

well, they were... okay?

you werent even sure anymore, because as much as you were obsessed with this man, and wanted him so bad, he wouldnt make a damn move

you felt like maybe he didnt even like you, but he was also kinda obsessed with you?

it felt like you were making most of the moves, and he "didnt wanna label anything to early" so you were in this weird inbetween stage

a situationship? idk thats what the girls called it

but honestly, it was getting a little boring, he wouldnt take you on dates, or even really make an effort

but the times that were good, outweighed the bad, the nights spent laying bare under the covers, sharing things only soulmates would tell the other

but at the same time he was so emotionally disconnected

it was all beggining to feel more like a task then a blessing

you slowly started to distance yourself after two months, because if he wasnt going to do something soon, omfg you were done waiting

disregarding that burden, something you were actually looking foward to was approaching

softball season!!!

you had played throughout highschool and college, even going as far as playing in division two throughout your college experience

you had applyed for a coaching spot, and you knew you were the most qualified, so the job was rightfully yours

and to add a cherry on top of that, your favorite six girls had told you that they were going to try out for the varsity team!

you knew this would be a good distraction from whatever bull shit Mr. Schlatt was doing

the texting and calling slowed, he stopped visiting your class as much, you kinda just assumed the infatuation phase was over

it was more painful then you let off, i mean you thought there would be a chance you would marry this man.

so a distraction was very well needed, that is, until try-outs began

you walked onto the field the moment school ended, you didnt expect students to get to the field until around four, so you had a soild thirty minutes to plan and set up

you were waiting for your assistant coach to show up, you werent told before hand who it would be, but you really hoped it was a teacher that you got along with

you sat in the dugout, going over drills and planning answers to questions you knew would be asked

when the signature engine sound you had grown so used to, pulled up right next to the field, and a large six foot three, muttonchopped man got out of his car

you felt your sholders involuntarily slouch, and a large sigh escaped your throat.

great, this is just what you needed

what made it even worse was he pulled up in pit vipers and a large toothy grin, one of you were obviosly more happy about this pair up then the other.

"would you look at that, my favorite girl's already here, as usual." he laughed and sat down his baseball bag close to mine

"what are you doing here johnny, why arent you coaching baseball." you said in a unimpressed tone, he raised and eyebrow and laughed

"you dont seem very happy to have me here, i applied to do baseball but they had to many coaches, when they said i could do softball instead i was hesitant, but when they mentioned i would be with you, i took them up on it." his words didnt carry his usual confidence

"did i do something, i mean youre never THIS unhappy to see me" he attempted at a joke but he really seemed crushed

"listen, its just... i mean, well. i dont know, i feel like things between us havent really been going anywhere, it kinda feels like you dont... care? or like me, i dont know, i kinda just thought this thing we had, y'know, run its course?"

every bit of confidence, ego, and happiness left his body the moment you started talking, he was genuinley speechless, you thought he didnt like you anymore?

it was the exact opposite, he actualy convinced himself he liked you TOO much. he went to assure you that wasnt the case, but the approaching loud teenage girl voices shut you both up

"look, it was nice, but maybe were better off as friends, lets just get try-outs started alright?" you smiled softly and walked out to greet all the girls, leaving schlatt with his confused brain

how the fuck was he going to get through the next two hours

no forget that, the next 4 months.

you started tryouts with everyone introducing themselves and sharing how long they have played softball, and what position they usually play if they have

once everyone went, you sent all the girls to do four laps around the field while you and schlatt assessed each one and what position they would start as today

there were 32 girls there and twelve would make varsity and 14 would make JV

but only cutting 8 girls would make you feel so bad, so the ligistics were still being figured out

then you assigned each girl to a position and now it was time for you to hit to each one, schlatt took all the potential pitchers and catchers to the bullpen to start their try-outs

you would bat a ball to each girl, and their job was to field it and accurately and quickly throw it to first base, and if you were hitting to first base, they had to throw it to you.

quite simple.

or thats what you hoped

turns out, playing with d1 and d2 players, is not the exact same as playing with high schoolers

this was going to be an excruciatingly long four months.

[snowball-doie]

whats halloween like in the 127 house

before the kids, the boys always did halloween stuff at the office for content. ahri would stay at home and dress up wearing something revealing so that the second the boys were back, they'd jump her. one year she straight up just wore white lingerie, bunny ears, and a bunny tail. "i dressed up like doyoung--" she could barely get the joke out before jaehyun had his lips pressed against hers and mark was unclasping her white bra. sometimes the boys would go out to party in clubs that were more catered towards idols.... on the rare occassion they would do that and they wanted to take ahri with, she would just wear a costume with a mask so that no one could take a picture of her face if they saw her with the boys.

yuta's been planning reyna's costume for MONTHS. he's always dressing her up, right, so this is the most important day of the year for him because he gets to go all out, buying her the most expensive costumes, putting all the accessories together, making things to go along with it, etc. haechan helps her get into her costume before johnny takes her and jooha to school. jungwoo always tries to do her hair, but taeyong has to fight him off-- he's been a victim of jungwoo's barber shop, he will not have their daughter suffer the same. reyna outgrew her princess phase at a fairly young age, so yuta's able to put together cool costumes from animes or popular film franchises, like harry potter or marvel. one year reyna was sophie from howl's moving castle, and yuta dressed up as the turnip head, and tiny jooha was markl <3

jooha doesn't like complicated costumes that take a lot of time to put on or feel heavy or irritate him throughout the day-- they learned when he was little that if they put something like thor's armor on him, he would just take it off before lunch time. so jungwoo, mark, doyoung, and ahri will sit with him and figure out, like, a month in advance what he wants to dress as. when reyna does harry potter one year (she dressed as fleur, and yuta was krum), they just put jooha in a gryffindor uniform and a thunderbolt sticker on his forehead (which he took off at lunch), and he wore his usual glasses. boom. harry potter. he dresses as favorite era haechan one year........ the boys cant stop laughing. dont worry, he does cherry bomb johnny too. and then fire truck taeyong. you know, none of his dads are safe when it comes to halloween, okay. they should've seen this coming when he wanted to dye his hair like them lmao.

when the kids are older, reyna, um. well. she wears, um. revealing clothing to say the least-- yuta HATED the first year when she said she didnt want him to make a costume for her "what do you mean?" "im going out with my friends this year, so i dont need you to make something. we're going as the fairies from tinker bell" "there's guy fairies in tinker bell" "chichi, you're not invited to go to a party with us"-- he tried to move to jooha, seeing if he could still do something with one of his kids, but all of the options yuta thought of made jooha turn up his nose. he's had a bad time with halloween ever since. "yu, come watch movies with us," ahri begs after she finds him sulking in his bedroom like a wounded cat. "no. my kids hate me" "they dont hate you" "they dont wanna match with me anymore" "they grew up. that happens." and he just rolls over to pout some more. so reyna likes to go partying with friends in hongdae and/or itaewon-- literally anywhere there's a party, she and her friends are there. jooha doesnt dress up by the time he's in high school because no one wears costumes to classes anymore, and he doesnt go out at night, so theres no point in making a fuss over it. instead, jooha and his parents stay in and watch movies together. it's the only time they can be convinced to eat a shit ton of candy without feeling guilty about it.

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

[6sakusa]

hello i see requests are open 🥺 can you write an angst to fluff with suna 💞💞 maybe som ething related to birthdays/anniversary’s, or just feel free to take creative liberty. thank you i love your work 😖💞

“birthday” suna rintarō.

a/n : i hope you enjoy, if so please support by liking & reblogging <3

warnings : angst, implications of a toxic relationship, mild swearing, me not proof reading sorry.

you had been sitting against the hardwood chair for hours now, it felt pointless to even count, time was blurring slowly and you couldn’t help but fade away with it. you would have never imagined your day would go like this, from the moment you had woken up your boyfriend suna hadn’t been in bed next to you, granted that was something you were used to. however, you thought today would be different, considering it was your birthday.

since suna went pro he seemingly had less and less time for you but you could tell he was making as much as an effort as possible, that’s probably the reason that you failed to address it multiple times regardless of the way it had been eating away at you. how could you get in the way of your boyfriends dreams? he had finally accomplished everything he had wanted since high school, he was playing for a division one team, he had the apartment he’d been dreaming of, the car he had saved on his pinterest board since he was seventeen, and now even though he never cared for fame he was definitely famous.

and you were there for the entire ride, you were there when he first decided to try out for inarizaki’s volleyball team in first year, even though you weren’t dating then you still encouraged him to go for it. you were the one who showed up to his first practice to ease his nerves even though he tried to act brave. you were there when he went to nationals for the first time, the look in his eyes was indescribable, it was beautiful and it’s when you knew that you were slowly falling in love with suna. you were there when he lost his first official game comforting him as much as you could. you were there in second year when he lost against karasuno, you were there when he got his first girlfriend advising him what to get her even though you were completely whipped over him. yes, you were always by his side, thankfully the two of you made things official in third year.

but now looking back thinking on all of it you realised one thing you had never even considered is that this would happen, that once suna achieved everything you would no longer be his priority. you weren’t going to lie to yourself, it hurt, it seriously hurt. especially when you had been anticipating him to leave atleast a note wishing you a happy birthday saying he would be back in a couple hours to celebrate with you. but no, there wasn’t even that. no note, no text, no phone call, nothing.

and here you thought you would take the burden off his hands by planning something for the day, you had spent hours preparing a three course meal knowing that once suna was back from practice he would be on the verge of knocking out, the last thing you wanted was him dragging himself to some fancy resturant across town at your benefit. yet, it didn’t matter how much you considered his feelings since he wasn’t even here to show an ounce of gratitude.

it was taking everything in you to hold in your tears, had he really forgotten? even his own teammates had taken the time to text or call you to wish you a happy birthday, but right now it was anything but that.

what probably hurt the most was the crushing realisation of how unimportant you were becoming in his life, why were you even still in it? did he even want you around, even if he does then that didn’t mean you should necessarily stay, afterall it was becoming clearer and clearer that you deserved better even if you cursed the thought of saying it outloud. well, you atleast deserved someone who could remember your special day.

your head darted to the door as you heard the sound of keys and the lock clicking, it was almost as if suna’s very presence could pull you out of any trance.

“rin?” you smiled, why were you smiling? you shouldn’t be smiling. were you really so hopelessly infatuated with your boyfriend that you would let all your thoughts melt away at the sight of him alone? come on now, this is disappointing.

you deserve better.

you launched yourself into his arms in which he embraced you tightly, it wasn’t anything special, he did it everytime he had come home to you, but you couldn’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach as if you were still in your honeymoon phase when it came to rintarō.

“are you hungry? i made some food.” you pulled away taking a glance at his face, even when you were right in front of him it didn’t even seem like he was acknowledging your presence. his eyes were trailing between empty space, not even looking down at you. you couldn’t help but sigh to yourself, why had you gotten so excited?

“nah.” he shook his head attempting to make his way over to your shared bedroom. he looked tired and you weren’t surprised, afterall being a pro player was no easy task but you hoped at the very least that he would say something. secretly you were hoping that this was all some shitty prank that he decided to play on you and any second now he would jump out saying happy birthday and offering to spend some time with you.

“but rin i-“ you could barely finish your sentence before he decided to cut in with a tone so sharp that it was offensive.

“not now y/n, i’m not in the mood.” he sighed.

“i understand that but-“

“are you really going to keep talking? don’t start this clingy shit right now i said i’m not hungry.” and with that he didn’t even bother turning around, not even one glance at the food you had prepared before he disappeared down the hallway.

oh.

so he really had forgotten, even though the two of you would joke around a lot you knew he would never take things this far. not to the point where your eyes were glued to the floor and it felt like you couldn’t breathe because of the way your heart was literally breaking in your chest, not to the point where it felt like the person who you deemed the most important on the planet didnt give a shit about you.

suna clicked his tongue running his hands through his hair in exasperation as he thought about the way he just treated you. truly, he didn’t know what his problem was, there was just so much pressure on him lately and it seemed to be building up from every corner of his life, except from you, so why did he always take things out on you? the one he cared about most? the one he would do anything for? maybe it’s because he knew there would be no serious consequences, or so he thought. regardless, he would apologise to you soon when he calmed down, you didn’t deserve all the shit he was putting you through and he would make sure you knew exactly what you meant to him.

but what he didn’t know is how you were standing in the kitchen with a hole in your heart. there wasn’t much you could do now, he barely let you speak and you weren’t really up to reminding him of the fact it was your birthday, especially if he didn’t care to hear it.

you sighed making your way to the fridge pulling out a chocolate cake, you had gotten it because you knew it was suna’s favourite flavour and he was particularly picky when it came to cakes even though it was your birthday.

“i might as well still celebrate.” you mumbled to yourself, tears making their way down your face. maybe for another day you could pretend that everything was okay.

you picked up some candles from the drawer and stuck them into the cake softly, it was a miracle how you could still keep your composure regardless of what had just happened. sighing you lit them up, in a way it was such a tragic sight to see. in everyone else’s eyes you had everything you could have ever wanted in life, people looked up to you and yet here you were, feeling like the most lonely person on the planet.

“happy birthday to me.” you whispered with a sad smile and glossy eyes before blowing out the candles.

tragic indeed.

“y/n?” suna turned the corner raising an eyebrow at your state. he could tell you were crying and as much as it hurt him it also shocked him, he had said mean things to you before but you didn’t usually cry over them even though they clearly caused you pain. it took everything in him not to hit his head against the wall right now, you were in this state because of how he dismissed you.

you looked up at him, your eyes were void of the excitement they held when you had saw him earlier and he took note of it. “oh rintarō, do you want cake?” your tone was curious but your expression was deadpan, and to suna it was scary.

“i came to apologise.” he began making his way towards you glancing at the cake several times, why were you blowing out candles?

that’s when it hit him. what day is it today? he wasn’t sure he hasn’t been very perceptive of time lately but he did know it was your birthday month.

his heart dropped.

had he really neglected you this much lately that he had forgotten your own birthday? and he had the audacity to call himself your boyfriend.

“y/n, i’m so sorry i don’t know how i forgot-“

“save it rin, i see things clearly now, thank you.” you turned to make your way out of the kitchen but he was onto you before you were even able to.

“you see things clearly? what do you mean? y/n, i know i’ve been a shitty boyfriend lately and forgetting your birthday is unforgivable but please don’t say what i think you’re about to.” he clenched his jaw pulling your hand into his chest.

“what do you want me to do? ealier you didn’t even let me speak, is it something i did? do you hate me?” you asked with tears streaming down your face, you couldn’t pretend anymore.

“no, no, don’t ever think that, you’re perfect, you’re everything i could ever ask for, you’re not the problem you never have been.” he embraced you, wrapping his arms so tightly as if the moment he let go you would be gone.

“so why don’t you care about me anymore?” the broken tone in your voice was sending suna off the rails, he couldn’t believe he was the cause of this, he hated himself.

“that’s not true, i do care about you, i love you, you’re everything to me, you don’t even know how much you mean to me.” he pulled away to cup your face, this time you could see the sincerity in his eyes, the genuine interest, the adoration. “fuck, i’ve just been under pressure and i’ve taken it out on you, i can’t even tell you how sorry i am.”

“give me another chance to be better to you y/n, please don’t leave me i can’t live without you.” he fell to his knees, still holding your hand in his.

“rin-“

“please” he begged, a look of anguish prominant on his features as if he expected you to say no.

“get up rin.” you watched as he rose slowly, anxiety engulfing him as he couldn’t anticipate your answer. “i’ll give you another chance, always.”

“thank you.” he kissed your forehead before bringing you back into his arms.

“what are you doing?” you frowned watching as he brought out his phone and began texting.

“i just told my coach i’m taking a week off, i swear i’ll make this up to you, happy birthday y/n.”

you smiled at the thought of having your boyfriend to yourself for an entire week for the first time in ages, maybe your birthday wouldn’t be so bad afterall.

“tell me what you want princess, anything at all.. do you want to go out of the country? you wanted to see paris right?”

you chuckled at his words as he wiped your tears, looking at you with eyes full of love. “i don’t care what we do, as long as i’m with you.”

“well first how about i have cake with the love of my life?” he turned to the chocolate cake on the dining table before relighting the candles. “how about you do this properly this time hmm?”

“i would like that.” you smiled.

[low-budget-korra]

Lets talk about Korra (again)

i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think  this one will be better written

What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.

In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills

Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.

“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.

As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that. 

So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.

So she came to Republic City, it was a mess. 

Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky. 

Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.

Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok

The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.

In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.

And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.

Tarrlok in the  other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.

Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.

The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain  power. And that was exacly what happened

Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.

In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?

Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it. 

But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”

In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.

Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?

Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.

In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event

In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.

Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well

In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.

Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was  physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.

Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.

Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this

I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.

Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible  when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this.  And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?

Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her

One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.

And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "

And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about  Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.

The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.

Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming 

[mexicancat-girl]

Sooo I read your take on the bakugou vs uraraka in the sports festival. i personally agree that you’re right when it comes to bakugou being overpowered (like when he fought todoroki, his quirk shouldn’t have worked at all with all the ice) and the fact that the females here are underrated and are not written well enough. Also I hate that fan service scene with the cheerleading outfits. However when you called him entitled and said that the narrative is favoring him, i dont agree there. horikoshi has made it blatantly clear that he wrote bakugou with the intent of making fans hate him on purpose. It’s why he’s portrayed as such a asshole in the first place, then horikoshi proceeds to show us that bakugou has complexity later on. He basically wants to humiliate him and make him slowly see his errors, and then basically give him slow character development, which is apt for bakugou since he’s been like this for 15 years. Like you said, bakugou logically should have been tired out near ochako’s fight, owing to quirk weaknesses and all, but honestly, it would also be unlikely for bakugou-trained-since-the-minute-i-got-my-quirk to also lose to ochako, owing to the fact that she wasnt as experienced as him or as physically fit, also for her to win by fighting a “weak” bakugou would make fans claim sexism too due to the fact that he still had to be weak for her to win. Also having him win again would have the same issue. So I didnt mind bakugou winning, and appreciated that ochako did her utter best to do so and nearly won, which I felt was a realistic move by horikoshi to avoid as much as possible a sexist situation. Tho not gonna lie, why isnt there another female like bakugou or todoroki in this class? Makes me upset thinking about it but like you said, horikoshi cant write good female characters, so he does as much to avoid so.  Unlike miraculous ladybug which has so much crap going on with so called female strong leads and is slowly becoming so cringey to watch.

Horikoshi may claim he writes Bkugo for fans to hate him…But Bkugo is literally a fan favorite. He keeps getting top 3 in the popularity polls, if not outright winning them. 

Bkugo is Izuku’s childhood friend/rival, making him a core part of the series. He’s inescapable if you consume the media (manga, anime, promo materials). He’s presented as an equal to Izuku, and yet never once actually respects Izuku as a person. But Izuku keeps making excuses for him, as do the other characters, painting him in a better light than what’s actually shown.

Bkugo keeps having very small glimmers of moments where it seems like he’s learning from his mistakes. But then he goes right back to square one. 

(rest under cut)

During the license exam, he storms off on his own because of his belief he’s better by himself. He ends up having a plan to work with Kaminari and Kirishima, but only because they followed him and put themselves in a dangerous situation alongside him. Then during the last phase of the exam, he tries to take things on his own again, which results in him not getting his license. 

Which is a great moment, it seems like he’s getting actual development here! He has to work on remedial exams, puts some ounce of teamwork into getting his license…but it’s all for his own benefit. Everyone praises him over out of their asses over how he’s changed during the training with 1-B, but he still treats everyone like shit. He just sees the benefit of using people on his teams to help him instead of tearing them all down, because he can’t win if he does that. 

He still makes everything about himself. Even when something doesn’t revolve around him, he keeps inserting himself into the narrative. He forces more of Izuku’s secrets from him, forces himself to be there when Izuku talks to All Might about One For All, not for Izuku’s benefit, but because he feels entitled to know about Izuku’s quirk. Even during a discussion which should center around Izuku asking questions and finding out more about his legacy and quirk, Bkugo takes the reigns and takes nearly all agency away from Izuku.

As for the Sports Festival, Bkugo would get more humbled by losing. It would show both Bkugo and the viewers that not just offense-based Quirks (or the male characters) are capable of winning fights. Things like planning and pacing yourself can help just as much. Which would tie into Izuku not knowing how to control OFA during that stage as well, using his mind and ingenuity to get himself to the Third Round without needing his Quirk. It would’ve worked really well narratively! And tied things together!

It also would’ve provided more tension for Bkugo if he’d lost the Sports Festival. When he’s kidnapped, the LOV could’ve used that loss in order to entice him to join them. The only reason he didnt join was because he thought they were ‘losers’, both because All Might stopped the USJ attack and Bkugo has a strong quirk that won him the Sports Festival. If he’d lost, he’d be vulnerable and have had do show some struggle over whether he was going to take up their offer, and gotten some character growth from that. Because he’s cocky and strong, we already know from the beginning he isn’t going to actually accept their offer in canon.

As for Horikoshi’s lack of female characters–especially those that actually battle or do anything significant to the plot–I’m not 100% surprised. Shonen anime in general has a bad track record of writing female characters, if they’re included at all in the narrative. 

My problem is that Horikoshi has a decent cast of female characters with unique powers, and he goes out of his way to sexualize them and make them damsels/nearly useless in fights and scenes that actually further the plot. Just. Goddamn, let the female characters actually do something instead of standing around being support for the male characters, or having catfights with female villains (ala Ochaco with Toga). 

Even Ochaco, the main female character of the series, barely gets any development other than “struggling with crush on Izuku” and “I saw someone die and don’t want that to happen again”. Izuku, Shoto, and Bkugo get entire character arcs and countless chapters devoted to them, and we only get a few pages for Ochaco, if we’re lucky.

Miraculous Ladybug is another beast entirely ngl. I’m not going to touch that for now.

[snaileo]

Can you talk about your tobio lives au sims more

sorry for the late reply!!

so my version of the au did not originate in the sims, its sorta its own au of an au which you know already im just stating this for anyone else. There are also two different versions. theres the atb sims pilot that was never picked up, and then the atb sims reboot. Theyre like this because the pilot was on my shitty laptop, i didnt have as many mods nor cc, as well as packs either. the reboot is more beefed, its on my better pc, more mods/cc, a lot of the packs. Tobio hasnt even been born yet in my reboot save file and ive been playing it for 2 years i think. Im too lazy to update my game rn bc of the fact i have so much shit lol anyway time to talk abt each of them Pilot: this was way back in 2019 i think and it was honestly no substance other than i just wanted to play umataro and hiroshi and have them get married have a family. i dont have all the screenshots bc theyre on my laptop which is busted and not worth trying to turn on. but when tobio was born he had hiroshi's blonde hair and i decided to keep it, so the pilot is also known as blonde tobio au lol. tobio took on hobbies such as the violin, much like how his dad plays piano. atom and uran were eventually born too but my laptop was dying before they could have their birthdays (also my laptop DEFINITELY could not run any good, crisp graphics so everything looks gross and shitty) 1. hiroshi & tobio 2. Teen tobio playing the violin 3. atom and uran

i had tobio going thru a little bit of an emo phase, but i kept the blonde hair lol. i even built them this big ass awful house tht took forever (but i was proud of in the moment) but my laptop could BARELY run it, and then not long after my laptop started dying lol.

The Reboot: ah yes. better pc, better graphics, more mods, and cc this is finally the reboot. ive been playing this save file for multiple years now. its more fleshed out, more attention to detail. Motoko did make an appearance in the original pilot, but here she has more of story, I also spent time actually building lab 7, which is where the save file started. The reason I rebooted the atb sims is because I had gotten the university dlc which I thoguht Oh this is perfect bc it also adds robots so a106 made an appearance, and as i got more packs, i added more characters for instance I made tom when I got cats & dogs.

I have more of a story planned for the reboot, but specifically for tobio, I want him to grow up on a little bit of some farm, as I intend on hoshie to be good at gardening. Now my hoshie for my sims save is the OG once upon a time hoshie, not ATB hoshie. anyway tobio will grow up with chickens and I intend to have hiroshi be his godfather (to eventual step father) and like im excited to play more sims i just hate updating the game. my next goal for the save file is to update hiroshi's side of the family since the story has advanced but his family is. stagnant/still in the past. my idea for tobio is for him to still be a loner but to have more family. I also intend on having atom and uran be his younger half siblings (pretend theyre robots)

in my last play session i had motoko take her kids and her friends on a vacation. im tryinnnnnggggggg ot get hoshie and tenma to know each other more and am hoping after the vacation that i can push even further for tobio to finally make his way into the save

oh forgot!!! to mention1!! i also want reno in this save file buit i cant bring him in until tobio is born (hiroshi is gonna foster to adopt him)

im not the best at explaining my sims stuff without going on long tangents since ive been playing it for so long but im ending it with a screenshot of hiroshi with his godchildren (motoko's twins, yuko and daichi, taken during my last play session of their vacation)

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[demonicintegrity]

oKAY heres the details on that depressing Devildice human highschool au i made with a friend back around 2017/2018. Kinda a mess so bare with me. long post with themes of abuse, depression, and other nasty stuff.

- Lucifer Angelo grew up in a pretty bad place in Texas. The details werent fleshed out other than that it was a pretty ignorant place.

- The important fact of the matter is that his dad (who we never did settle on a name for lol) was a Christian preacher. Charismatic man, but an absolute shithead to Lucifer. Even with his other kids he was strict and pushed his ideals and plans onto them. Also had a temper and a loud voice.

- Preacher Angelo was once a pretty alright man, although very self-centered and was pretty condensing. He had a marriage early on in his life and had a few kids, named after archangels. Marriage fell through, and he starts drinking and moves on the next one a bit after. Have a couple more sons named after archangels. It also falls apart. On number 3? he has the final sons to complete his arch angel themed kids. At first it was just in honor/inspired by the angels and his Christian lifestyle, tho i think around the second marriage is where he just started getting delusional and started thinking himself as godlike and thought his sons will spread his word and whatever. Needlessly to say, his partners once they found this out went :/ and it went downhill from there.

- Man we really just took every flaw and worse thing to have in a parent and shoved it into this bastard lmao

- Lucifer was actually the product of an affair within his final marriage. Ofc cheating was a dealbreaker and they divorced. The girl he was cheating with stuck around a little bit, but died in childbirth due to complications. Thus he was left with this child that wAs BoRn FrOm SiN so he named him Lucifer. He would be his son of sin while his other sons would be Perfect People. (Even though they and their mothers started to want nothing to do with him lmao)

- He got by and took care of Lucifer decently but because this was an AU of Angst(TM) Preacher Dickhead became an alcoholic, had money troubles over time because economy troubles or whatever, and took out his temper on his son more and more. Luci was taken to church every Sunday by his dad.

- Kingsley Dyce was born in Lousiana to his parents Patrick and Fahri. We had a whole separate story for Fahri’s family and how they met, it was cute but that’s completely irrelevant right now. They lived modestly and were technically stable but there wasn’t always extra money for fun stuff and there were times were they were just getting by, but they never let Kingsley onto it.

- Kingsley (nicknamed King or KD by his friends) was a pretty cool kid. Had fun in Louisiana despite being a bit flamboyant and full of himself, made good friends. His relationship with his parents were fairly okay. He was a total mama’s boy, loves his mother to death and would do anything for her. As he became a teen his relationship with his father got a bit more strained because Patrick was a very Traditional person and into his teenage hood Kingsley had a habit of dancing not-so-masculine or modestly. He also was getting into makeup.

- Stepping back tho, as a kid he was in the church choir. His family is Catholic and his parents took him to church every Sunday. His favorite activity was to rollerskate. He and his friends were always skating to each other’s houses or skating at the rink. Skating, video games, and singing was his life.

- During his 6/7th grade his family moved to Maryland because of a job opportunity. King was suuuupper bummed. Maryland isn’t like Louisiana at all so there was an adjustment curve. Despite that, he didn’t have a hard time make friends. (insert humanized casino crew here)

- Side note: KD had a tooth gap as a kid and got braces during middle school to correct it. It gave him a lisp. He also had glasses and a questionable sense of fashion throughout middle school. This isn’t super relevant but its important to me that you can imagine this kid as the doofus he was. He also was roughly at an average height.

- In 8th grade there was a new kid that came into his class; Lucifer. Luci’s dad had also moved to Maryland for a job. Despite his entire class wondering what the hell was this southern emo kid’s problem, he wasn’t overtly bullied, just ignored. KD however, was intrigued by this asshole and made it his goal to figure out his issue and be all up in his business.

- Luci is currently dealing with some of his hardest years here. In Texas he had a hard time making friends, was bullied, and wasnt surrounded by the best sort of people. His abuse was getting worse as his father struggled more and more, and the move wasn’t the greatest fix considering he was still drinking and getting himself into debt. Luci didn’t care about school nor about life in general.  But then this asshole waltz into his life and boy golly was he feeling things about it.

- The relationship at first just KD latching onto Luci and talking to him about any and everything and trying to drag him around town. Slowly, Lucifer began to be amused by this jerk and his friends. He also didn’t live too far away so KD was able to easily bike to his place even though he never wanted KD over.

- KD picked up on the abuse Luci was going through, and honestly didn’t know to confront it. At first it was just sharing food cuz Luci wouldn’t eat and chatting to him because he got uncomfortable seeing Luci alone with head down all the time. Eventually he talked to his mom about it and the two of them kept inviting Luci over. Fahri became the mom Luci never had and Patrick despite working long hours and extra shifts, would take time to give Luci practical lessons and be a better masculine figure in his life. Luci was slowly being given a family but he also was pulling away from it. He was in the midst of a depression and he was pretty mean to everyone to deal with it, and pulled to himself more as he began to love KD and his family. The new friendships doesn’t cure depression, nor was it helpful against abuse.

- TW under break for more details of abuse, neglect, depression, and suicide

- His abuse was verbal and physical. He got yelled at for being a failure, yelled at because he didnt care about school, drunk his fathers booze, got into trouble and lashed out. He got beat for back talking and whenever the drunk asshole wanted to fight with him. It had been going on for years. He was also neglected pretty bad. Food wasn’t super plentiful in the house, he lived on fast food and luci didnt know how to cook. There was more booze in fridge than food. Power/water would sometimes not be on if his father forgot about certain bills. It was bad.

- Some time during this 8th grade year he also developed a crush on KD, he didnt voice it because his dad was homophobic as shit but also because he certainly didnt know how to navigate love and didnt want to ruin his relationship with KD. So he repressed it.

- Also during this 8th grade year Luci tried to commit suicide. He had texted KD before hand too, with some note that boiled down to he cared a lot about KD but couldnt stand anything in the world/his dad/bringing KD down/whatever and it was obviously a suicide note. KD freaked out and immediately got his ass over there, kicked down the door, and found Luci in his dad’s room with his dad’s gun to his head. I don’t think we ever settled on the details of the situation but it was traumatizing for both individuals to say the least.  KD was able to talk him out of it.

- That incident made them inseparable. Luci never had someone care for him like that, cry for him like that. KD had grown attached and close enough to consider him his best friends, the incident only solidify his want to make his best friend’s life better. It was a rough few months after that and KD was sworn to never tell his parents what happened.

- TBH that was about the worse of it, this was an high school AU and high school became a bit better for them in certain regards. KD got his braces off, got contacts, and had one helluva growth spurt going into HS. Luci went deep into a punk-emo phase his freshman year which killed his fashion, but was slowly becoming a bit more confident in himself. KD and his parents were able to help him a lot. Emotional support, practical life lessons, and food was always a given.

- Its a bit of an up and down throughout high school. KD gets into makeup, heels, dancing, and bisexuality and it causes a major strife with him and his dad who wanted a “real” son. The relationship went through major struggles and would take a couple years to really heal.

- Luci struggles a bit with drinking and deals drugs and booze to get his own spending money. He starts somewhat taking his school seriously, but even though he does work in class he doesnt always do homework or projects and whatnot. He has a habit of physically intimidating other students and occasionally tries to pick fights.

- The “casino gang” also have their own things going on. If a recall correctly, Wheezy was also in a neglectful house, Pip and Dot ( ??? and Dorothy) were twins from a wealthy well off family but were ignored and were terribly bratty, Piroeutta was just an quiet Russian outcast, Mango had 7 siblings and no space to himself and who was bullied for his large off-putting appearance, Chips was just loud, and i completely forgot what everyone else’s deal was. KD and Luci mainly hung out with Chips, Piro, Pip, and Dot. They were still pretty close to the others but those four were the only ones they regularly hung out with at lunch and outside of school.

- There are a couple things that could happen throughout high school. My personal fav i can remember is a particular angst with KD trying to get with another dude and Luci being Upset and lashing out at him at a party result and ugh that scenario was angsty but also turned very cute???

- Regardless, when they do get together they’re unstoppable tbh.

- and yes, the gang would readily throw hands with anyone who said shit. Barely any of them care about suspensions.

- I kinda forget a bit of stuff. I know misc. scenarios here and there both fluffy and angsty, but this post is already long enough lmao so feel free to hit up my ask box with any questions/comments. I dont really think Ill come back to this au?? If i do Im gonna edit a ton of stuff because looking back certain themes and scenarios seem borderline insensitive and/or poorly thought out. I did found a fic of this au on my phone with KD and Luci as adults tho and Im v tempted to rewrite some of it and finish it because it was good.

[everyman0]

WALLS TO BREAK US

so i know i dropped all communication for the past several months...and evans fucking journal might have you believe i sat on my ass the entire time but that isnt the case. I didnt intend on sharing this information, frankly. but my time is running out now, evans already gone. this account of events will be all i have left.

i cant leave this place. i dont even know where the fuck i am supposed to be to begin with.

there is a house. a neighborhood. stores. a town. but nothing has a name.

there are people, but despite the gift of sight i was given, i see nothing of them. like empty thoughts given a shell to walk around in.

i thought at first, a couple months ago when i was first allowed to walk outside again, that they were real and that i was simply too overwhelmed with shock to really notice what was wrong here. but now i see it. i see it because there is nothing to see. these people aren't people at all, more like ghosts. 

at least im not entirely alone. there's still the house and asterion.

ive walked to the store many times, even got assaulted in the parking lot. Was that guy a ghost too? I dont know. but i havent only gone to the store - ive walked around the entire town. know what i finally realized, several days after i had made that exploratory journey?

there are no cars here. none being sold, none being driven, absolutely fucking nothing. no bikes either. no skates, no skateboards, no heelies wheelies or fucking feelies. not a single mode of transportation of any kind.

theres a bus stop though! thank fuck for that! oh wait, it's fucking useless. i have not once seen a bus in this god forsaken place.

imagine the anguish i felt upon realizing that despite being able to steal groceries just fine, i cant even hope to steal a car to drive as far away as i can from this hellhole. but it doesnt stop there.

of course it doesnt.

so alright, no cars. but i still had my legs, right? (and still do, somehow.)

so i figured if i cant drive away, i could at least saunter the fuck out of this place and maybe determine some sense of location on planet fucking earth. i set out. i walked in one direction from the house to the town and onward. and onward. and onward. for five fucking hours.

i found nothing.

but it wasnt your average nothingness like that of a long rural road, as it had originally appeared to me. no...instead, i eventually encountered what i call the Edge. here, the road stutters into an impossible blackness. here, if you turn your head, you can see how the blackness runs parallel to the world around you, bordering everything for miles. real truman show type shit.

the real kicker is when i discovered that only i can see it.

like any good scientist, i did some experimenting. kicked some cans, threw some rocks, all hurtling in the direction of the black wall. to my surprise, the items phased through it. swallowed might be a better word. i couldnt see or hear if the objects landed on the other side, if there was even a side to land on beyond the boundaries of ink. so then i decided i needed an extra set of eyes, and brought evan along a few days later.

this is the first and last time i let him outside in my care, and for good reason.

we arrived at the Edge, and evan was immediately annoyed at me as i had stopped walking just a few feet before the black wall. i asked him to explain what the problem was. he was like, "dude, you told me there was some shit i had to see and we have been walking forever. where the fuck is it? is this it? because it looks like a whole lot of fucking nothing."

i then asked, "what does this nothing look like to you?"

evan was growing more confused and angry, but i didnt want him to know what i did until i knew what he did first. i didnt want to contaminate his perception by revealing my own. i needed to be thorough and absolutely sure of our experience.

he threw his arms in the air in frustration, "a road, vin. it looks like a road, the same fuckin' cracked asphalt we've been following for miles. forwards and backwards, road."

evan took a step forward, into the blackness. i saw the tip of his foot disappear, sliced by the unfathomable wall. evan didnt seem to notice anything different, standing there with his arms crossed. so then i knew at least one thing for certain: only i could see the wall.

however, until seeing evan's foot just barely phasing through the wall, it hadnt occurred to me if i could pass through it too...or at least touch it. before, when i had been throwing cans and such, i didnt dare get too close to the black edge. i had no idea what would happen, and wasnt particularly interested in finding out at the time. all i could gather was that, just like the rest of the town and even the house herself, it was designed to keep things inside.

as it turns out, evan was not one of those things intended to stay. i stood there pondering silently, and watched as evan began an impatient pacing along the length of the wall. an imperfect, wobbly hobble across the street and back; i saw arms and legs flash in and out of the blackness as evan walked, still taking no notice. evan couldnt see the difference like i could, and he wasnt the prisoner these walls were meant to encase. so who was?

well obviously it's me. at least, i'm somehow a part of the equation i think. and then i figured now was no better a time as any for me to make my approach and reach out - touch the wall, see what happens, inwardly hope it just kills me on the spot, and so on.

but right as i had decided this, i hear evan angrily spitting an expletive and turn, marching off beyond the pitch black walls. guess he was tired of waiting on me, and you know ev - always runs in head first. i word this story now as if this is something i remember fondly about evan, but let me be clear: in that moment of time, standing in the middle of some fucking road behind a maliciously black prison wall, a wall of which evan was now beyond and impossible for me to see any longer? leaving me, alone?

i fucking hate how much of a hardheaded ass evan is sometimes.

i was so caught off guard by evan's sudden disappearance beyond the veil of the Edge that what that meant didn't register until several seconds later when i found myself clamoring towards the wall. i yelled for evan, then screamed for him. my hands meet the black surface with a loud plang as if the wall was made of glass, but the way the wall felt against my skin is indescribable. i wailed my fists against the presumed surface, the noise of the impacts reverberating loudly. this lasted a few minutes.

evan eventually came back...and he seemed just as he were before, except maybe even more annoyed as he began to once again pester me on why i was just standing there wasting time. he got his first round of bitching out before he noticed that i had tears running down my face, looking disheveled.

he changed his tune and asked me what was wrong, what the fuck happened. his confusion was telling - he hadnt heard me screaming for him to come back. i wiped my eyes, faked a chuckle, and told him it was nothing to worry about and that maybe it was best to go home for now and try some other time when im more 'in the present.'

i decided that i wasnt going to tell evan about the Edge, at least not right then. i needed time to gather myself back together, since the resulting panic attack had taken a lot out of me for one day. But even after i had taken that time...

i didnt want evan to know about the wall. fuck, i know its selfish, but i didnt want evan to know that he had the ability to leave this wretched fuckhole but i didnt, that i was trapped and he wasnt. its not because i wanted to spare evan the heartbreak of knowing his friend was doomed...but because i didnt want evan to get the idea that he could abandon me without consequence.

i didnt want evan to use this knowledge as an escape plan to get away from me.

not wanting evan to leave me wasnt the only reason i didnt tell him though. there was still so much i was uncertain about; hell, i still wasnt sure if just being outside the house put evan at risk. i took a chance in taking him to the wall and he lasted well enough during that time...but given what was discovered, even if evan could sit out on the lawn every day and not a thing touch him...the very existence of the wall was a dangerous game of chance.

this is why i did not want evan to go back outside again after this incident. i couldnt trust that he would truly be safe...and i couldnt trust that he wouldn't just run away on me. i completely fucked myself in both ways, though. he's out there getting hurt or dying or already dead because i pushed him far enough to truly fucking hate me.

even now, ive no idea what happened to evan after he ran out of the house. Maybe he never made it past the wall again.

maybe this post is the first time he’s hearing about it.*

*IT IS, YOU SMART BOY. I COULDN’T JUST KILL HIM BEFORE YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF AS A HIDEOUS EXCUSE OF A FRIEND. THE PAIN WILL ADD FLAVOR! MAYBE I’LL GIVE YOU A TASTE.

>>

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[chrome-mind]

Angel Wings

Summary: Not everyone wants to go along with Angel’s plan. Note everyone wants to lose a friend.

Warning(s): Character Death

“Hey Angel, you listening in? Angel?”

“Yes… sorry.”

“Nah, just wanted to talk to you anyways.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

    You shifted the Jakobs sniper rifle in your arms uneasily. Something was wrong. The sick sense of dread was creeping in as you finally neared the Core with the other Vault Hunters. The BNK3R had been an unexpected surprise, but even after it’s destruction it caused you worry. Jack was putting a lot of effort into defending this place. Sure the Vault Key was there, but if his ever increasingly hostile ECHOs were anything to go by, this was something more personal. He was getting desperate.

“Hey Angel, why are you helping me- well, us.”

“Pandora needs your help, it needs a hero like you.”

    “Angel… what exactly is in here besides the vault key?” you asked hesitantly. “Me.” the response was instantaneous, but not enlightening. “Alright, but why are you in here?” your expression turned worrisome “What are you doing in there?” One of the other Vault Hunters moved forward towards the voice recognition, the weird alien looking one, waiting for Angel’s instructions.

“The password is: I love you.”

“What’s life like for you? There’s no way you could actually be an AI.”

“You… catch on very quick.”

“Do you live on Pandora?”

“Not exactly.”

“Helios, then?”

“It’s rather complicated.”

    With the voice modulator, the door was soon open. You were the first to enter, peering warily over your now raised gun “Angel?”

“Consider this your final warn-- no, consider this MY final warning. Turn around and I promise I'll make it quick. But I swear, you take one more step, every soul back in Sanctuary will die staring at their own lungs as I rip them from their chests.” Handsome Jack threatened viciously, all previous signs of arrogance wiped away.

“Hey Angel?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Jack acquired his Siren catalyst a long time ago. He kept her hidden from the world for years, but finally -- you will be able to set her free.” Angel continued speaking as if he didn’t exist at all. “Eridium alone could never charge the Vault Key. It needs a catalyst -- something to awaken its power. It needs... a Siren.” the elevator you had stepped into, which you would embarrassingly admit you did not notice was an elevator, let alone that it had begun moving, was starting to slow down.

“What are we doing here Angel?” your voice was starting to sound more forceful, your anxiousness getting the better of you. She seemed intent on ignoring your questions “I detect you're getting close. Hurry and reach me -- you must get the Vault Key and... deal with me.” “Angel.” The elevator stopped.

“Executing phase shift.” she spoke again “The Key is here, but…” the sense of dread you had was resurfacing the more she spoke. The ECHO she had been using since the first time she had spoken was fading as you and the Vault Hunters got closer. “To truly stop Jack from waking the Warrior, you cannot just steal the Vault Key -- you must destroy his catalyst.”

“You must destroy…”

The girl who has only been a repetitive video feed of a face on your ECHO, whose been the voice in your ear since the beginning of this mess, appeared. You looked over her form warily, it looked worn down. Hopeless. “...me.”

“What. I did not do all of this just to kill you!” you burst out angrily. From the corner of your vision you saw the other Vault Hunters shift. You did not know if it was from discomfort or if they were preparing for a fight. Sad blue eyes stared at you “Jack's spent years pumping me full of Eridium, using me to charge his Key and manipulate his enemies.” you couldn’t tell if she was trying to make it seem like it would be worth it to do this, but all you could do was sit in your frustration as she spoke. “Destroying the Eridium injectors that keep me... alive... will stop the Key from charging. And it will end a lifetime of servitude. Now--” She was suddenly yanked back, away from you and the others.

“You get the hell away from MY DAUGHTER!” Jack yelled angrily, even as Angel screamed. You rushed forwards immediately to follow after her, not even waiting for the rest “What the hell are you doing?! ANGEL?!” He seethed, still out of view. You finally set eyes on the Core itself, the machine that was holding Angel in place. The Vault Key. “What the hell is this?” you said aloud, horrified. “Stopping you, you piece of--” Angel cuts herself off, though Jack responds anyway. “Rrgh -- language!”

“The Eridium injectors! Destroy them!” Angel shouted. The siren Vault Hunter was quick to raise her gun and aim at the injectors. “No!” You shouted, slapping the gun in her hands away from the injectors. This gave Jack the chance to raise shields over the mechanisms. “What are you doing?!” Angel looks at you desperately, hands raised but not touching the barrier around her. “You can’t be serious!” You’re sure Jack is watching your every move now “How is this the only way?!” “I’m-” “You were put in that machine, don’t you dare tell me you can’t be taken out!”

Angel looks so sad now, but it looks odd. No. Not sadness. Pity. The other Vault Hunters are wearing the same expression as they watched you, gun raised. “I’m sorry.” she speaks softly “There isn’t.”

You realize her odd pity was also bitter. She wanted to live, but knew she couldn’t. You let out an agonized laugh. “We’ve been through a lot of shit that we didn’t expect to live through, this isn’t much different.” Even as you talked, your gaze flicked all over the room for something, anything.

“I’m sorry soldier.” Roland said through the ECHO.

“No you’re not,” you spat harshly “You’ve been ready to do this since the beginning.” “Look, kid, we can’t let you risk everything for one person.” Lilith decided to put out unkindly. You threw your ECHO comm on the ground, cracking it against the hard floor.

“You, Vault Hunter.” Handsome Jack spoke up. Everyone in the room turned to face at least one of the screens. He pointed at you, an uncharacteristic frown on his face. “If you protect my baby girl- if you let her live, I’ll pay you more than anyone could give you on Pandora.” he said seriously, almost desperately. You sneered at him after only a moment of silence “I’m not doing shit for you. She’s not dying, but she sure as hell isn’t staying here.” The CEO’s features darkened and you could see Angel’s pained expressions from the side of your vision. The first wave of loaderbots began materializing in The Core.

You lifted your gun to aim at whoever attacked first, the loaderbots or the Vault Hunters.

A sudden blow to the back of the head made you stagger and drop. You instinctively turned your body over to face whatever had hit you, your eyes met the blank mask of the assassin. On the ground, your ECHO still crackled, Lilith's voice filtering through. “Sorry kid, we can’t let you screw this up.”

Your ears rang and you let your head drop onto the ground with gritted teeth. Consciousness wavered for who knows how long, the sounds of guns firing and going off reaching your ears at random intervals. You were sure that the loaderbots had stepped over you a couple of times. In a moment of clarity, you gripped the gun that still lay in your hands, somehow never being knocked out of your grasp while you were incapacitated. You shakily raised the gun towards a panel on the side of one of the Hyperion made constructors. With a deep breath, your arm steadied and your finger pulled the trigger.

The shot almost missed, nicking the panel only just enough to do what you wanted. The constructor began materializing more loaderbots, faster than it should have now that the regulator had been damaged. Loaderbots seemed to stream from the constructor now. You did not get the chance to see if they had overpowered the other Vault Hunters as your awareness finally failed you.

-

When you awoke, it was silent. You were afraid to open your eyes. When you did, you wished you had kept them closed and just lied there for eternity. The sparking and scattered pieces of loaderbots littered the room, the gun arm of one of them had fallen on you sometime after its destruction. Picking yourself up with shaky limbs, you scanned what was left of the room.

Angel’s body laid limpy against what used to be The Core, Eridium pools surrounding the structure. You hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye.

These thoughts plagued you as you stared at the broken figure of what used to be Handsome Jack. He was still alive, but barely. The Vault Hunters had left him to bleed out, or get eaten by one of Pandora’s wildlife. Whichever came first. All you had to do to retrace the other Vault Hunters steps was follow the trail of dead bodies. The corpse of The Warrior lay half submerged in the lava.

“You could have let her go. You should have let her go.” there was no emotion in your voice as you sat in front of the man, hands resting on your knees.The former CEO simply stared at you bitterly. His mask had been taken by the Vault Hunters, the mark of the vault in plain sight. He remained silent, even as he bled to death only feet away from an Anshin hypo. You stayed there until the Rakk’s began to circle overhead.

[matt-hoelt-blog]

Can you write Allura + the paladins headcanons where the reader is really comfortable with nudity and the paladins accidentally see them naked for the first time (not dating pleaseee) thank you ☀️

hi love! thank you for requesting this, i had a lot of fun writing this, and simply writing these headcanons in general. hope you enjoy em! -viper

Shiro:-SHIT-he’s SORRY-he walked into your room to ask you some shit about blueprints and he was surprised with his friends TITS-he has his own tits… those are the only tits he needs to see..-he’s!! yelling!! please forgive him -i feel like shiro would have one hand over his eyes and another in your closet to get you a shirt-did i mention that his entire face is fuckigngg RED-red lion WHO-he’s blushing in both embarrassment and attraction and it’s Scary-after he walks out of your room, apologizing, he’s just talking to himself, trying to ignore the fact that you look so NICE and comfortable with yourself

Keith:-keith is disassociating like all the time??? i don’t even think he’d NOTICE you’re naked-tbh i feel like he’d also be comfortable with nudity-i’m cackling i have the image of a spaced out keith just staring at the ceiling, butt ass naked, laying down on his bed-“if there’s infinite space, how many empires are there? ones greater than the galra empire? oh, why is my dick cold?”-he’s 100% calm with you being naked -“hello? keith? i’m naked?? why aren’t you yelling?” “oh, worm?”-suggests you put a blanket on-you reply with a no-“ok”

Lance:-??!?????!?-he walked into the bathroom as you were getting ready for a shower because he wanted to take one as well -“no i am NOT looking at my friends junk!! why am i thinking about it oh NO i looked FUCK”-you’re just casually standing there with a smile trying to make small talk as the water warms up-you then turn around to check the water temp and-“wow nice ass”-IT JUST SLIPPED OUT IT WASNT PLANNED-your instant response is “shut the fuck up lance”-he just says “don’t slip!! bye” and slams the bathroom door shut, sliding down against it-“wow a nap sounds great right now. why the fuck did they act like everything was normal”

Hunk: -he turns around instantly in embarrassment and shock-“hey pidge and i need your h- NO OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO INTRUDE PLEASE DONT BE MAD IM-“-you interrupt him and assure him that you weren’t doing anything!! it’s okay!! -he’s still mortified because he thinks he invaded your privacy so he just walks tf outta there and tells you to get dressed and go to pidges lab-after you help hunk and pidge with some science shit, he comes up to you once more and tries to spit out a “sorry” -but NOPE !! you then inform him that you’re comfortable with that stuff!! you’re not mad at him-everything kinda clicks and he smiles and everything is good !!!-the next few times he walks in on you nude, he’s completely chill

Pidge:-walks in to play a video game with you and you’re just sitting bare on your bed, brushing your hair-she says nothing nor has a reaction-literally just walks the immediate fuck out of your room -not really phased?? she just asks you later on why you were so calm about being seen naked -after you tell her about you being comfortable with yourself and nudity and all, she totally gets it!!-like hunk, she’s chill the next new times she walks in on you-she personally wouldn’t try it out, but once you two start dating, she cuddles your bare form like a little koala-i’m crying i love my koala woman

Allura: -i personally feel like she’s someone comfortable with nudity herself, especially when it’s rare for her to be nude due to her keeping up her royal profile and such-which means she’s fine with it-until she walks into your room with shiro to get you for group training -and you’re just ass naked chillin on your bed-“hi allura” “hello”-like i said, she’s fine with it, so she’s awfully confused as shiro yells rapid apologies and turns away-10 minutes later and she’s been told that genitals just slinging around in open air is, in fact, NOT common in human culture-she’s ok with that because she’s proud that you’re comfortable with such things!!-peaceful cotton candy wife

[itsrien11]

15 Things not to say to someone with Chron’s Disease.

Some things I, as a Chron’s Disease warrior, am tired of hearing and it is not that I am being bitchy or ungrateful for those who care for me, it is that I want you to know and understand what I feel when I hear these things. As I mentioned in my previous post, this is to inform others that dont have Chron’s what I am going through and also to let those with Chron’s know that they are not the only ones who feel like this.

1) You lost so much weight, I wish I could do that. Chances are that you would also lose weight if you were constantly running to the nearest toilet as soon as you have eaten. I didn’t lose weight because I wanted to, I lost weight because I am on 5 different medications that have the same side effects.It is scary losing 10kgs or more in less than 6 months because of Chron’s, it is not something that you want to do willingly because chances are that I will still keep losing weight,which is unhealthy.

2) You should get out more. If I could, I would. But mostly I am in so much pain that it is an accomplishment to just get out of bed at any time of the day, so I dont really want to ‘get out more’ because that would require me actually having to move. I have days where iI want to go out and enjoy myself but dont push me, when I feel that I can handle the pain and that I will be comfortable going out, I will do so.

3) You should see a dietitian. I am my dietitan. The thing about Chron’s is that it is not the same for everyone. I might be able to eat bread but another person with Chron’s cant. So a dietitian wont be able to help me because they dont know my body. I know what I can eat and what I cant eat and I really dont need to be told by someone else what is good and not good. If I find something that works with my system, I eat it and if it doesn’t, I avoid it. So thank you for your concern but I dont need to see a dietitian.

4) Mind over matter. If it was that simple, I wouldnt be writing this blog. It is easy for someone who doesnt have Chron’s to say mind over matter. Everyone thinks that if you dont think about the pain, that it will go away, the sad truth is, that it is never that way. If I want to mope around all day in a blanket and watch movies all day, it is because I am in so much pain that I can barely function. So let me deal with my pain like I want to and just be there to support me, dont tell me that it is mind over matter.

5) You need to exercise more. Isnt that the case in everyone’s lives though? So why should it be different for me just becasue I have Chron’s? I do exercise, when my body tells me that it can handle it. But mostly, I dont, because it hurts too much or because I physically do not have the energy and that is probably because I haven’t slept all night because I have been tossing and turning to get comfortable with the pain.

6) Have you tried herbal treatment? I have tried everything that this planet has to offer. Your home remedies or herbal methods really wont make any difference. I know medication always is harmful to your body but I trust my doctor enough to know that he will take care of me. The treatment I am on is working for me and that is all that I care about. Thank you for your suggestion but I will stick with what I know works.

7) You are so moody today. Would you not be moody if you were me? Of course I have my happy days but when I am moody please understand why. It is because I am dealing with pain that no one can imagine and I am trying to keep myself together and not lose my shit (excuse the pun). So I am very sorry that I am ruining your happy bubble with my moodiness but this piercing pain in my body seems to have stolen all my happy today. Maybe tomorrow my happy face will come visit.

8) How are you feeling? I know you just care and want to know how I am coping, but for the love of hell, do you really want to hear my 50 point list of complaints every day? I will probably just say I am fine or say I am not too well today but I really am not going to get in to all my aches and pains every second of the day. Ask how I am feeling but just let me answer in a simple manner.

9) You look better today. Maybe I am and maybe I am not. But I am probably not. So if I look better than I did the day before it is probably because I put on an extra layer of make up to hide the dark circles or because I took some painkillers that are making me pretty happy at that moment. The worst thing to hear that is you look better than the day before and to be honest there is no real reason for that but it is just simply because I probably am not better.

10) My brother's friend’s sister’s boyfriend has Chrons and he [enter some random cure or diet here] why dont you try it? As I said before, Chron’s is not the same for every person so your brother’s friend’s sister’s boyfriend might have found what works for him, but chances are that it wont work for me. So thank you for your advice but I will stick to my plan.

11) But you dont look sick. That is the most common thing that I have ever heard. It is like saying to someone who is gay that they dont look gay. I am sorry I didnt wear my I have Chron’s badge today, I will be sure to put it on tomorrow. Just because I look happy and I am living my normal life, doesnt mean that I am not sick. I want to be normal and I want to be happy, so when you see me in that moment, let me be. I probably am still feeling like total and utter crap but I decided to live my life anyway. You cant see Chron’s Disease on the outside so please dont tell me that I dont look sick.

12) You should get out of the house. Trust me I try. When I feel like I have the energy I take that opportunity to do things that I normally dont do. But I also have my phases (which sometimes lasts up to a week) where I just want to stay in bed or at home and rest because that is what my body is telling me to do. I know myself and my body and I know when it needs rest, so please dont force me.

14) Are you going to cancel on me again? I am sorry I cancel plans at the last minute but that is what Chron’s is like. I might make plans with you for the next day and then cancel the last minute, I dont mean to but I also cant help it. Chron’s is very unpredictable, one minute I can be fine and the next I am not. So I am sorry that I could make your dinner party and I really am also not sorry because I am looking after myself and if you cant understand that, then I am here to help you understand. When I cancel it is not because I am lazy but it is because I am in so much pain that I just want to lay in bed and sleep it off.

15) That’s not good for you. I am tired of being told whats not good for me or who can be around me. I am tired of being treated like I am breakable. I am not. I know people care and I know they dont know how to deal with Chron’s, well shocker, neither do I. But one thing I know is myself and my body and that is why I am tired of being told what is not good for me. If I say that it is ok for me to hang out with you because you have flu, then it really is or if I say that it is ok for me to go rock climbing, then in really is or if I say that it is ok for me to spend the night dancing at the club, guess what, IT REALLY IS. Thank you for your concern but please dont tell me what to do.

One thing I learned from Chron’s is that you cant sit around and watch your life pass by. Spend nights laughing till early morning with your friends, go zip lining, go see that movie you planned to go see, go swim in the ocean, because who knows when you wont be able to do those things anymore. Yes I have Chron’s and yes it is hard for me and everyone around me but let me be myself and make my 20′s count.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 9 - “He just told me what side of the fence to fall on” - Corey

Well that went my way for sure!! While unanimous, literally five minutes into the warzone I told Ian we have to go after Madison and Jacob. He agreed and then we rallied the troops. Love when a plan works out. 

An alliance called M&M&M was made between Matt, Madison, and I. We were thinking of doing Ian but we didnt want to push too hard because we didnt want to reveal our cards that we had something. I just hope us sacrificing Jacob will be a positive thing for us and not a negative. Im glad theres allinces forming now. Hope i can stay away from warzone this next round but who knows. Im going to try my hardest tho.

help. who knew that my blood revenge for wanting Nehe out resulted in ALL of the other Kilimanjaro reps to be voted off one by one. parting that with chips, there was 5 people repping that season... and now I'm the lone Survivor from that season. pray for me yalls.

Ugh!!! I blame Johnny for this. Scavenger hunt is usually my favorite challenge except the both times im doing it with Johnny :p  these are soooo weird again. Dealing with this challenge and moving my stuff from my apartment on friday/saturday will probably not get me immunity. Im still trying so hopefully everyone else is busy as well. I Curse Johnny but like only a small one. Like him spilling his fries on the floor. 🍟

Hosts: Another Ian confessional, hopefully he shuts up about his idol and actually give some insight into his game. Me: MY IDOL!!!!11!!1 IT IS MINE, MY OWN, MY PRECIOUS. On a real note, I'm not sure if I confessed this round yet that one of the reasons behind the Jacob vote was to put Nar in a numbers advantage should that come into play at anytime.  The point of the premerge phase is to build as many pathways to alliances/mutually beneficial voting blocks as possible that also have a vested interest to vote with you.  I have Maynor asking to be a duo with me, sure yeah man I do like you and hope to work with you deep in this game as someone that can help me cut Corey or Trace if working with them in the game becomes problematic, but I also know Maynor has a vested interest in Kait, which I do like Kait well enough but she can't be allowed to go on a run if I want a chance to make a run myself.  Corey wants to keep our partnership as secret as possible, which yes I do think is smart, it also relies heavily on trust.  At this moment in time I have no reason but to trust Corey.  That may change in the future, he wants to keep it secret, that's chill, but I'm going to have my own backdoor deals should shit hit the fan. Devon/Matt one of them put me as the scapegoat to Jacob, I don't know which and honestly I do not care which one of them it was. They are both standing in my way at this moment for the win.  That could change in the future.  The game is long and full of terrors.

this is it this is the round im goin to the w a r z o n e 

Im safe!!! Im glad cuz tomorrow is graduation party from my parents and didnt wanna attend tribal. But i feel like Drunk Maynor is being cheated out for this season. I dont have my drinking buddies. Maybe this season wont see Drunk Maynor and I could actually be good in this game.

Me: goes to warzone a bunch People in warzone: don’t target me at all ———— Last round: People in warzone: mention my name Me: flips that ish on Jacob REAL quick also me: HA NOT GOING TO WARZONE AGAIN FOR A HOT SEC BEST BELIEVE IM FINALLY IMMUNE. imagine that! I kinda tried for once! and I placed exactly where I needed to hehe.

Thomas is a fucking idiot honestly. Like, he has been to the war zone enough times to know that the WORST possible thing you can do is throw a name out on the first night. Everything always comes together a couple hours before tribal, and by putting names out there this early, he is basically just MAKING SURE that the vote will come down between him and Adrian. For background, Thomas came to me, still butthurt about being called inactive, telling me that he wants to vote Adrian. I am very into that plan, don't get me wrong. Adrian is one person that I have literally nothing in common with. But to come in, guns blazing, this early in the war zone is a HUGE mistake, one that will probably end in a lot of extra stress for Thomas. But, it is good for me, because even though Thomas likes to spill all the tea to me, he is someone that I could very well afford losing. Kait is finally in the war zone. This could also be a pivotal moment because I would be shocked if people do not gun for her this round. I don't really want her out yet because I feel like she's a great shield for the merge, but we shall see what people want. basically, even though I don't really have any of my closest allies in the war zone (ian, Corey, Madison), I might be okay because of Thomas v Adrian, and MAJOR threats being here. The only thing that could fuck me up is if Owen tries to pull something. I do not trust that kid and want him out early merge. But for now I am just trying to lay low and vote with majority.

against all odds, I'm still safe! Warzone looks like a crackden tonight and I'm nowhere near it. I hope Owen makes it out okay. Kait, though chaotic, is someone I'm getting closer to. I would like to have her around until around f9??? we'll see. Same kind of story w Maynor. I need Thomas and Stephen OUT. Timmy as well. They are on my Arya-style kill list. I've been immune for ??? 4 tribals in a row now??? I still have my save vote to use as I have not been to tribal since obtaining it. I have also acquired a rock-save thing that Ian and I dug up together. Basically, if we go to rocks, I can use it to save myself (immune from my rock being picked). Nifty lil power... Hopefully I also get this save vote and don't become the owner of a dead power. After tomorrow's tribal, we'll be final 14. 10 gone. only 11 more to go before I'm in FTC. or 12. I don't care. As long as I'm there in the end. Ideally, with Ian and Owen and I come out victorious. I am playing nice girl, liar AND schemer. The game is outwit, outlast and you can't outwit Corey Rae Jepsen baby! and if you want the truth, this is Corey. I suspect Owen-Kait-Thomas to vote the same way. i expect Adrian-Matt to vote the same way. Chloe and Stephen are wild cards. Trace... I am praying for to be okay as well. If Chloe-Stephen-Trace-Matt-Adrian work together, they could get Thomas or Kait out. We'll see! I feel bad wanting Kait out as I do like her but if she goes w/o me having a hand in it... I'll be sad bc I like her but happy bc I think she's too smart to keep very long. She'll catch on to me. She'll plan my demise, which is exactly why I need her close to me as long as she's here. Also - Maynor coming in 2nd? I'm out here busting my butt and they're gonna rank me number three? after someone who can't even barely walk and barely do anything and all he does is sit around and fuss and curse everyone.. I was VERY insulted. (this a crystal cox quote sgflksgls) But fr he said he barely did any. mmhmmmm.. If i was on the fence about him before, he just told me what side of the fence to fall on. 

Im glad Im safe. Idk how this  vote will actually go. I wish luck to thomas matt kait. And ithers but cant remember who from other side is in it. Today imma just keep talking to ian and corey to make deeper bonds with then and enjoying my grad party. Drunk maynor may leave a confessional later.

This warzone is by far the most crucial one in my game. I’m absolutely PARANOID at this point because Kait gave me some info that Ian is mad at me for telling Jacob to vote him, wasn’t my idea but okay. I’m at a point where playing in the middle will leave me getting absolutely squashed in the middle. My allies Kait and Adrian are totally at odds with each other, and Thomas is targeting Adrian and Adrian is targeting Thomas and like, I just wanna vote Chloe. I have the feeling that Adrian needs to go this time around, it would free me of the threat of being sign partners in this game and I’d rather leave bitter betrayals for the pre jury portion of the game. As long as I’m not getting votes and I can keep holding on to this idol and some semblance of good graces with everyone in the game I’m satisfied.

Well I forgot to submit the video confessional I will later lol but I want Adrian out. He seemed very d*ckish about me being inactive and I am not taking kindly to it. It seems Trace is with me and so it Kait and Owen. I hope I can get on more person so we can get Adrian out.

I'm highkey getting 15th again... and I'm gonna cry. Like this fucking hurts so much. People aren't talking to me and the few people are just talking about life and pretty much anything but the vote. Getting a third 15th placement will literally crush my heart and soul so much, so I pray that something works out in my favor.

So happy to be safe, didn't think I would be. Ummmmm, looking at who is going to tribal, i'm not sure who is going to get voted out. I would be so sad if Kait goes, but it would be a smart move in all honesty because this is the first time she's gone to tribal. Getting her or Owen out would be a big move, but I need them in the game for the time being because they are some of the only people who are seen as bigger challenge threats than me. Although I am only safe because of the tribe I'm on, I've never scored the best overall and so really it's an interesting scenario, if I was on the other tribe I would be at the warzone, yet on mine I got 3rd. I just hope it's not a unanimous vote because I want people to come back to camp with drama.

I feel more sick than I ever have and now I’m back in the war zone. How fun. I just hope I can manage to stay safe yet again, I feel like that’s unlikely though 

Okay so I’ve been busy af with my friends all of a sudden it’s almkst tribal nnnnn and it’s between Chloe and Adrian rn. Adrian allegedly wanted me and Kait out earlier YIKE so I originally wanted him but now it’s like matt pushing for Chloe This is rlly good for my game tho because it gives me and Kait something to bond over that sets us apart from matt. I literally am never going to turn on Kait in this game.... fuck. I hope she do the same .

Its Alcohol Time!!!!!!!!

Show just got out and barely anyone messaged me the whole time whoops! I think I’m about to get blindsided tbh this is too quiet lmaooo but Kait and I pushed Adrian so hopefully that’s it. If not then it’s been fun. This seems too easy so I’m not expecting much nnnn but if I’m here.... I’m goin for it 

Im drinking more now. And im nervous who is leaving tonight. Hope the people im working with stay alive.

Good news! I won the past two challenges and have been safe!  That is awesome. Even better news is I just searched Q10 and got a hit which means I’m near an idol :)

Okay so I’ve been busy af with my friends all of a sudden it’s almkst tribal nnnnn and it’s between Chloe and Adrian rn. Adrian allegedly wanted me and Kait out earlier YIKE so I originally wanted him but now it’s like matt pushing for Chloe This is rlly good for my game tho because it gives me and Kait something to bond over that sets us apart from matt. I literally am never going to turn on Kait in this game.... fuck. I hope she do the same .

I am drunk. And i miss havjng my drinkjng buddies in dani alyssa n jess. And havung jones be on call. I need to find some drinking buddies here to have more fun. Plus monty alyssa n johnny r doing amazing as hosts this seasob.