#like he's been mourning (something) since the transcendence

[alvie-pines]

hm. even before mabel died,

dipper has worn black in mourning.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

100 songs to get to know me

I posted this image over on the bluesky, and it got like 100 likes, so now here we are. I was going to write them all up here, but Tumblr imposes a 10 video limit on embeds per post which I find infuriating.

So! You can read the first ten entries here, but you can read the entire list here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

1. ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me

I genuinely don't quite know if my enjoyment of ABBA is something I came by honestly, or something which is simply genetically engineered into my Scandinavian soul. I remember hearing my mom blasting their songs on the home stereo in my childhood, and the association has put permanent nostalgia blinders on me for all of ABBA's greatest hits. Still, I think the beat is undeniable and the mournful tone of the chorus adds some real melancholy to the dramatic plea at the core of the song.

2. Afenginn - Oestrogenmanipuleret Basilisk

Afenginn describe themselves as "bastard etno-punk" which is probably as good a description as you're going to get. There's a lot of klezmer and eastern European folk influences here, but what is more important about Afenginn's best songs is that they go hard as f*ck and it's an absolute blast to dance to them at a show. They played this the first time I saw them live, and the rhythm comes back every time I hear it again. Good times!

3. Afenginn - Ralli in D Minor

With 100 slots to fill, I am giving myself permission to allocate two slots to Afenginn, and for the same reason. Ralli in D Minor is less of a dance tune to me, and more of a headbanger, but with a sufficiently loud subwoofer and a game crowd, you could f*ing mosh to this.

4. Anamanaguchi - Prom Night

I discovered Anamanaguchi as the composers of the title track to the Nerdist podcast back in the day, and being unfamiliar with the concept of chiptunes, I was drawn in initially by the sheer novelty of hearing the squeaks and bloops of my gaming childhood employed towards rock tunes and combined with "real" instruments.

Beyond the gimmick, though, Anamanaguchi won me over fully with the Scott Pilgrim game soundtrack, and then 2013's Endless Fantasy, where the gimmick of chiptune nostalgia noise (at least for me) finally coalesced into something that felt entirely like its own thing. Plus I'm a sucker for exactly this kind of bright dance pop, and Bianca Raquel's vocals here are a perfect match for the tone of the music.

5. Jennifer Hudson - Memory

2019s Cats is a fascinating fucking disaster. Tom Hooper is the worst director of musicals in my living memory, the abuse of the VFX staff extended beyond brutal crunch and absurd challenge imposed by a director who had no idea what the hell he was asking them to do all the way into an astonishingly arrogant and condescending joke from Rebel Wilson and James Corden at the expense of workers who were the last people at fault for the disaster that the movie became (look in the fucking mirror, Wilson and Corden, your performances were rancid).

Still, the silver lining of Cats is we got to hear Jennifer Hudson shake the world on its foundations with her rendition of Memory. I don't give a shit what anyone says, this performance is transcendent and no amount of institutional failure can dim its quality.

6. Annette Bjergfeldt - Min Bærende Bjælke

Annette is one of my mother's oldest friends, and a prolific singer-songwriter now turned author. I've been going to her concerts since I was a little child, and while I am absolutely not the target audience for any of it, it has stuck with me as part of my musical vocabulary deep into adulthood.

She has experimented with brass band accompaniment a few times, but for my money, nothing quite comes close to the floating, optimistic vibe of Min Bærende Bjælke. It sounds like a very particular kind of lasting romance, which of course is also what the lyrics are about.

7. Hozier - Blood Upon the Snow

We'll get more than one Hozier song on this list, but Blood Upon the Snow stands out to me as a song which easily transcends the videogame soundtrack promotional tie-in nature of its conception. Bear McCreary's hurdy gurdy and lyrics about surviving through adversity by holding on to existence with your teeth and nails... yeah, it hits with me. There's something real in that.

"The trees deny themselves nothing that makes them grow, no rainfall, no sunshine, no blood upon the snow." Something about that feels real.

8. The Beatles - Something

idk if I really need to write anything about George Harrison's most famous love song that hasn't been written more extensively by a million dad-rock enthusiasts before me.

I will say, this is one of the few songs I listen to regularly that justify the expensive audiophile headphones I invest in. There's a LOT to hear on a good, lossless, original mix of this song, if you're the kind of pervert who gets off to listening to a song a hundred times to focus on different parts of the soundscape. (it's me, I am the pervert)

9. Blink-182 - Adam's Song

I discovered a lot of my music taste as a young man from extremely low-resolution AMVs that my friend used to download off sketchy file-sharing sites. Blink-182 entered my musical lexicon through the one above, specifically, piggybacking off of my teenage love of Dragon Ball.

I never really grokked what the lyrics were actually about, until relistening to the song years later, but something about the minor-key wail of the thing really sat with my angsty teenage soul and has stuck with me ever since. I cannot listen to this song without that music video playing in my head, the song will forever belong to Vegeta.

There's remastered versions of this AMV out there, apparently, but if it's not 144p with tinny audio, it's just not right. That's not what the song is supposed to sound like, not to me.

10. Blink-182 - Miss You

Blink-182 is one of those bands I discovered via anime AMVs and listened to obsessively for a period as a teenager (The Offspring will show up later on this list), and then fell entirely out of touch with for years until discovering much later in life that they did, in fact, keep releasing music. I Miss You from their self-titled 2003 album felt, when I discovered it sometime in the early 2010s, like a much more mature and interesting sound from a band which had gotten stuck associated with my adolescent superpower kung-fu fantasies which I was, at the time, feeling a bit embarrassed about.

The song had a resurgence on TikTok a little while ago as a meme template, which made me listen to the albums again, and rediscover yet again that Blink-182 is, in fact, still putting out albums.

---

The rest of the list is here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

[electronickingdomfox]

Star Trek TOS slash bits (Season two)

This is my personal rundown of all the slash scenes in TOS season two. I've omitted episodes when I didn't find anything remarkable in them.

-What I count: lingering touches or affectionate looks, clinginess, actions that show a strong concern/familiarity with each other, suggestive scenes...

-What I DON'T count: friendly gestures (like smiling or looking amused when someone says something funny), scenes taken out of context, physical proximity just because there's not enough space...

I'll try to illustrate some scenes when necessary, though screenshots usually don't do justice to it.

For season one analysis go here. For season three, go here.

Metamorphosis:

There's no slash per se, but the episode has an underlying theme of love being independent of and transcending the sex of two individuals, or even their species. Spock comes off a bit more narrow-minded than the others, since he only considers the possibility of the Companion being in love with Cochrane once he learns the Companion is female. However, Kirk and McCoy had already reached this conclusion long before they knew the Companion even had a gender. And then there's, of course, Cochrane's indignation about men of the future being so open-minded, and having "no notion of decency and morality". An attitude that Spock defines as "parochial". And McCoy's take on it: "There's nothing disgusting about it. It's just another life form, that's all. You get used to those things." (And may I say, good for him to be used to alien entities entering him, considering the whole katra affair years later...)

It's been pointed out that Kirk's heartfelt speech about the Companion being unable to join "the man", is actually a revelation of his feelings for Spock. Personally, I think that's too much of an extrapolation. Even supposing that Kirk's talking in part about himself here, this may be just because of his inability to have a long-lasting relationship with anyone (not just Spock). Something that the show has already established firmly at this point.

Friday's Child

Spones Spock finds Eleen holding McCoy's hand, and McCoy quickly removes his hand, as if embarrassed for being caught cheating by his boyfriend. Unlike other times, when Spock looks amused by men flirting with women, this time he seems rather disappointed. Besides, this episode was written by D. C. Fontana, the same writer who introduced the concept of hand-touching as a specially intimate act for Vulcans.

There's also the scene where McCoy tries (unsuccessfully) to teach Spock how to hold a baby, which mirrors the one where he teaches Eleen the same.

Who Mourns for Adonais?

Spirk When Kirk regrets that Spock can't come with the landing party, it seems as if Kirk's mind was wandering in an altogether different place.

Amok Time

Spirk Many instances. For starters, Spock's hand gets really trembling when Kirk approaches him, and later when he grabs his wrist during a confrontation. Notice that this kind of nervousness happens mainly when Spock is approached by women (potential mates), as when he throws Chapel's soup, or when he hears Uhura's voice through the intercom. Later, Kirk is willing to risk his career to save Spock. And once in Vulcan, Spock breaks through the plak tow to beg for Kirk's life, even if he shouldn't be able to even speak in that state. Then there's, of course, the fight itself, which could be interpreted as a placeholder for sex, considering all the suggestive imagery, and the fact that it resolves magically Spock's pon farr.

As for the outcome of the fight, Spock refuses to "live long and prosper", after seemingly killing Kirk. His reaction upon finding out that Kirk's alive wouldn't be so noteworthy if Spock was a normal human. However, such an open smile is very, very rare for Spock. McCoy (like any good shipper) notices at once his unusually intense emotions.

Spones There's another character that elicits a trembling in Spock's hand, while getting physically close for a medical check-up. A clue: it's not Chapel.

The Changeling

Spirk Kirk grabs Spock very tightly after Nomad's mind assault (and probably accidentally, Shatner squeezes Nimoy's pec so hard, that he hurts him).

Right after this, Kirk still holds Spock for a very long time, until he's sufficiently recovered.

The Apple

Spirk Spock jumps illogically in front of Kirk to save him from the poisonous flowers, and almost dies as consequence. This earns him a reprimand from Kirk, who points out that he could have just shouted a warning. Apart from this, Kirk compliments Spock's appearance with the flower bracelet.

Mirror Mirror Spones McCoy risks being left stranded in the mirror universe to save Spock's life. And it's not even HIS Spock! Kirk acknowledges how important this is for the doctor, and grants him those extra minutes. Right after, mirror Spock corners McCoy against a wall, and forces a mind meld on him. While Bones behaves quite submissively. It's both suggestive and disturbing.

In the end, McCoy says that he liked Spock better with a beard, since it gave him "character". After his similar scene with Kahn, it seems that McCoy just has a thing for "bad boys".

The Deadly Years

Spirk Kirk makes a videocall to Spock while half naked, so his tits are right on his face. Unlike the similar scene in "The Corbomite Manouver", Kirk doesn't have a particular reason to be half naked here, and he's calling Spock specifically.

And this may be a bit far-fetched, but while flirting with his previous girlfriend, Dr. Wallace, Kirk compares her with his First Officer.

McKirk Kirk is quick to point out that McCoy is growing some white hairs, in a good-natured way. And he's a bit flirtatious while the doctor reprimands and checks him.

Bread and Circuses

Spones Pretty one-sided on McCoy's part. He's touched by the fact that Spock saved him in the arena, and tries to make amends and open his heart to the Vulcan. However, he fails to get a "genuine, warm, decent feeling" from Spock, and gets very hurt by his indifference (one could say, he feels "scorned"). After this, he lashes out at Spock in a specially vicious way.

Then the scene transitions to...

McSpirk ...once McCoy and Spock both admit how worried they are about Jim.

Meanwhile, Jim is in no danger, but fooling around with Drusilla. And later, he seems ashamed to tell them about his affair with her. Of course, there's also the fact that Merik and the Proconsul know immediately that putting Spock and McCoy in danger, would be the best way to blackmail Kirk into cooperating.

Journey to Babel

McKirk It's just a little thing, but Kirk and McCoy seem to be dressing in the same cabin.

Spones McCoy is eager to learn anything about Spock's childhood from his mom, specially the embarrassing details. And he beams with joy upon finding out that Spock used to have a "teddy bear".

A Private Little War

Spirk At the start of the episode, Kirk is so worried about Spock's injury, that he snaps at the bridge crew in frustration. And he goes back to sickbay to check on Spock's condition, despite having been there a few minutes before, and having just called McCoy about it. His looks at the unconscious Spock say it all:

McKirk Bones is very caring towards Kirk for most of the episode, specially since the latter is injured several times. And he's also quite worried about the possibility of Kirk being really enslaved by Nona. Apart from this, there's his gentle caressing of Kirk's naked chest...

Spones McCoy is reluctant to leave Spock and beam down to the planet, after having just said that doctor M'Benga could perfectly take care of him. At the end, McCoy is overjoyed to find out that Spock is alright (it's remarkable that Kirk, instead, doesn't react visibly to Spock's voice). However, the Vulcan dismisses McCoy's reaction, once again embittering him.

On the other hand, what the hell was going on between Kirk and Tyree!?

All that talk about them being "made brothers", and Tyree's refusal to tell his wife about their past... Nona seems even jealous, and says she's also "his sister" (kind of putting Kirk in the same level as Tyree's wife). McCoy tries to make Kirk reconsider his strategy of arming both sides, by reminding him that Tyree could also die in the war. And during the final fight, Tyree is about to crush Kirk with a rock, but Kirk's intense stare makes him recover his sanity.

The Gamesters of Triskelion

Spones Despite all the bickering going on between Spock and McCoy in this episode, the following exchange reveals that McCoy is actually eager to meet Spock's expectations:

SPOCK: I would welcome a suggestion, Doctor, even an emotional one, as to where to look. MCCOY: First time you've ever asked me for anything, and it has to be an occasion like this.

Spock looks at him surprised, together with comedic music in the background. At the end, McCoy finally smiles, when Spock accepts his help to rescue the others.

Obsession

McKirk Very similar scene to the one in "Balance of Terror". McCoy enters Kirk's cabin while he's in bed, and tries to comfort him, saying that he wasn't responsible for the deaths aboard the Farragut. However, the argument gets intense, to the point that Kirk warns the doctor not to push their friendship.

The Immunity Syndrome

Spones There's a lot to unpack here. At first, Spock and McCoy are competing for the (dubious) honor of entering the amoeba. But then Spock makes McCoy understand how truly dangerous the mission is, when he asks him to wish him luck. McCoy is taken aback, and can only do so, shyly, once Spock can't hear him anymore.

Later, he seems sorrowful when Spock reminds him that he should have wished him luck. Still, McCoy doesn't want to believe that Spock is dead:

KIRK: What's on your mind? MCCOY: Spock. Is it me, Jim? Am I so sentimental that I just have to keep believing that he's still alive in that mass of protoplasm?

At the end, McCoy is so happy to find Spock alive, that he blurts out an order to rescue him, forgetting he's not the Captain, much to Spock's amusement. The doctor seems a bit embarrassed, and he feels the need to berate Spock afterwards, in true tsundere fashion. Meanwhile, Kirk seems to be having a lot of fun with all this.

By Any Other Name

Spones McCoy holds Spock for a long time, after he's shocked while mind-melding with Kelinda, even when Spock is already up and walking. A bit later, he's still concerned and hovering over him. He also keeps Spock in his arms when the latter induces a trance on himself, and in general, he's very close to him whenever they're in the same scene.

For his part, Kirk's fight with Rojan is rather suggestive, specially since he gives him a long speech while grabbing him like this:

After this, he takes him by the shoulders in the typical "Kirk embrace", usually reserved for women he's about to kiss.

Return to Tomorrow

Spirk At the end, Kirk is devastated when he thinks that Spock has died. So much that Sargon, having understood how important Spock was to him, had saved his conscience beforehand, so he could be revived.

Patterns of Force

Spirk The kinky episode. First we have Kirk's uniform fetish, when he regrets that Spock's uniform isn't as attractive as his. And then, of course, the prison porn scene. A half naked Spock climbs on top of a half naked Kirk, while the latter sweats and screams "Oh my goodness. Beautiful. Oh Spock, Spock!". Has to be seen to be believed.

I'd be almost tempted to include the bit where the nazi guards catch them all inside a closet, under the pretense that McCoy was drunk, if this wasn't taking things too out of context.

The Ultimate Computer

McKirk McCoy comforts Kirk when the latter is feeling insecure about losing his command to a machine, and assures him he's not being unfair at all. Later, McCoy comes to Kirk's quarters to have a drink together, and makes a toast for him. Then Kirk... recites poetry to McCoy.

The Omega Glory

Spirk A redshirt is seriously injured and lying on the floor, and yet Kirk quickly forgets about him and is like "Mr. Spock! Are you alright!?"... But Spock is just standing there, looking perfectly FINE.

Kirk and McCoy's worry is justified later, once Spock is injured for real, but here is kind of hilarious.

Summary

Spirk: 9 out of 26 episodes Spones: 9/26 McKirk: 5/26 McSpirk: 1/26

Season one was the Spirk season, but in this season Spones has gained a lot of ground.

[paganminiskirt]

I love how Raditz uses him and Goku’s familial relationship to trick him into letting go of his tail so he can start whaling on him again, all the while having Gohan hostage in his pod. And then later on, Vegeta’s transformation into a great ape causes Goku to realize that he killed his own Grandpa Gohan all those years ago, accidentally or otherwise. It’s like this one biological side effect of his Saiyan heritage both robbed him of a relationship and prevented him from properly mourning once he realized what had happened, with his empathy and willingness to forgive being leveraged against him by those same Saiyans to destroy other familial bonds. It’s such a brutal introduction to a previously unknown part of your identity.

But then on Namek, Vegeta applies him & his father’s own situation to Gohan and Goku when he’s explaining the danger that the Frieza Force represent, saying how “they don’t have to be stronger than you to beat you, they could take your son hostage.” Obviously he’s referencing his childhood removal from King Vegeta’s “care,” but a side effect of that arrangement is that the King himself isn’t a tangible presence in his son’s life, certainly not by the time he’s on Namek. Vegeta does have something vaguely resembling a father figure when he makes that comparison, but it’s not him, it’s Frieza.

Frieza & Vegeta’s relationship is certainly not parental on an emotional level, but the mechanisms of keeping people as indentured servants naturally tend towards paternalism, and it’s obvious that Frieza has a weird little fixation on him besides. The entire Namek saga lowkey constructs this wildly uncomfortable parallel between Goku’s care for & devotion to Gohan, (putting himself in harms way and crossing between entire worlds to keep him safe over and over again,) and Frieza’s similarly relentless but antithetically possessive & degrading relationship with Vegeta, (repeatedly demanding that he be brought back to him alive no matter how much of a nuisance he becomes, to the point of having him nursed back to health after Zarbon claps his ass just so he can torture him himself.)

It’s Gohan who first notices that Captain Ginyu stole his dad’s body, and Gohan who keeps fighting through exhaustion and extreme violence before Goku gets to Namek. Later on in the Buu Saga, Goku realizes the projection of Gohan inside Majin Buu isn’t really his son quicker than anyone else does - their emotional bond is sturdy enough to transcend the physical, even after it’s repeatedly acknowledged that a young child shouldn’t be involved in situations as gruesome as these.

Compare that to Vegeta, who’s only visible relationship with his father comes from sharing violence as a form of giddy self-aggrandizement, until he sells him to a more powerful stranger - which he can’t even say was especially wrong by their own standards, the transaction as much a moral injury as an emotional one. As Frieza pointed out during his fight with Goku, he literally just beat the Saiyans at their own game, picking up where King Vegeta left off by using his son for the benefit of himself & the empire instead of for the benefit of his father & homeworld.

The fact alone that his relationship with his biological dad can begin to amalgamate with his relationship to a person who calls him a pet speaks volumes about how emotionally warped Vegeta was from the beginning. It’s a small wonder he clings to the dynastic propaganda of the Saiyans so hard, using the title he gets from the King in spite of the fact that his reaction to the man himself’s demise is so muted & repressed that it’s depicted using the imagery of a child encased in a mountain of corpses. It's the only thing that can potentially delineate what happened to him as unjust & undeserved - if it’s the violence itself that’s wrong, then what does that make him, his values, his scattered family, their entire culture. What does that make everything he’s been told since the moment of his birth.

And even in that scene where Vegeta is shrugging off his dad’s death and the planet’s destruction, the messenger mentions how Frieza offers his sympathies: as if Frieza isn’t the same person who killed him, this sickly pretense of warmth intended only to cover it up. You might recall how Goku is always mussing Gohan’s hair, and everyone knows that infamous scene where Vegeta strokes his hair before knocking the wind out of him - which can be read as a precursor to that horribly intimate beatdown Frieza lays on Vegeta and the others later, the one he had been planning to give Vegeta this whole time which is only compounded in brutality since Vegeta thwarted him, the one where he licks blood from Vegeta’s mouth off his face as he holds him up by his neck like a dog with it’s pup. It re-contextualizes the head stroke/brutal attack combo Vegeta pulled on Gohan as him acting out the sadistic objectification Frieza raised him on using another Saiyan child.

And in the end it comes full circle, with Vegeta using his last moments to pass the vendetta of himself and his own father on to Goku and his line. And this happens willingly, as a productive challenge to the Saiyan’s culture of domination, unlike the grotesque re-appropriation of that same culture that we’re presented with when Frieza takes Vegeta from home: Goku assumes this mantle after Vegeta is dead and fully incapable of forcing him. He also contradicts the callous disregard Vegeta displayed during the aforementioned scene with the Saibamen by treating his corpse with so much care. He holds him, he buries him. And you could argue that it’s better than he deserves at that point, but like. I think the fact that the gesture is unwarranted is a part of the point.

[lonelyartsworld]

Love never fades [Sukuna x reader]

{So it's been a while since i've written anything so please go easy on me. Any tips are appreciated!!}

Summary → So what happens if the Ryomen Sukuna had a lover who was powerful, if not more powerful than he?

Warnings — Ooc Sukuna obviously 🥱

WORDS → 905

Please Enjoy

{Edit—I CANNOT BELIEVE I DIDNT FIGURE OUT I HAD PASTED THE ENTIRE THING TWO TIMES OMG PLEASE HELP MEEEE 💀}

The wind howled through the ancient pines, its mournful song echoing through the vast, dark and quiet domain. Inside, skulls of all sizes some big others small ,bathed in the dim glow. Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses, sat cross-legged, his crimson eyes narrowed in contemplation. He was a contradiction: a being of immense power, yet trapped within the body of a young man, (Yuuji Itadori) his spirit restless and his hunger insatiable.His gaze fell upon a single, crimson blossom that floats in the red water below, its delicate petals shimmering in the lamplight. He recognized it – a foxglove, a potent symbol of the fox spirit, (Name) Akuma. She was the most powerful kitsune, her cunning and magic unmatched. Yet, unlike Sukuna, who relished in chaos, she sought balance, a fragile harmony in a world teetering on the edge of ruin.Their paths crossed by chance. Sukuna, drawn by the scent of power, sought to consume her. (Name), sensing his approach, had offered him the foxglove as a truce, a proposition for a partnership of sorts. Their initial meetings were fraught with tension, a dance between predator and prey, yet, amidst the clash of their wills, a strange fascination was born.Sukuna was captivated by (Name)'s unwavering strength, her defiance in the face of his overwhelming power. (Name), in turn, was drawn to the raw, untamed energy that pulsed within him, a mirror to the darkness that she had fought to contain within herself. Their conversations, often veiled in veiled threats and cryptic pronouncements, gradually shifted to exchanges of wisdom, their clashing philosophies blurring into a shared yearning for something more.One evening, under the watchful gaze of the moon, Sukuna found (Name) by the temple pond, her form shifting between a beautiful woman and a white fox, the transformation fluid and mesmerizing. She spoke of her longing for a world where peace could bloom, a world where beauty and power were not at odds. Sukuna listened, his eyes mirroring the silver light that danced in the pond.The air crackled with unspoken words, a yearning that transcended their cursed existences. The King of Curses, the most feared being in the Heian Era, felt a glimmer of something he had never known – a desire, a craving for something beyond destruction.Their hands brushed, a spark arcing between them, a potent alchemy of shadows and light. In that moment, they knew. This was not a truce, it was a beginning, the dawn of a love story that could rewrite their destinies, a love that defied the very fabric of their existence.The future, however, remained uncertain. Love, for them, was a dangerous gamble, a fragile flame that could easily be extinguished by the winds of fate. But as they stood together, bathed in the moon's soft glow, they dared to hope. For even the strongest curses could be broken, even the darkest hearts could find redemption, in the embrace of a love that transcended all boundaries.Sukuna sighed softly. It seemed he was no longer in control of his own thoughts . A flood of memories assaulted him, but, with an effort, he focused on one in particular. (Name). His partner. His lover.

She, too, was a creature of contradictions. Her lightness of touch could devastate with devastating effect. Her laughter echoed in his heart like a merry tune. And yet, despite her ferocity, there was a subtle fragility that marked her features, a vulnerability that drew you in. (Name) always knew when he was lost in thought, catching him off guard with playful jabs and teasing remarks. Often, she would lean forward, pulling him close, sharing her warm breath.Until that tragic night.Fire burning everything in sight, mutilated body's lay around. As children cry as they no longer have a home nor family to run to. But the focus is on the two in the middle of it all. Sukuna lays in his lovers arms as she holds his body close—"Don't forget me," she whispers against his slowing turning cold skin, a smile twitching at the corners of her lips, tears daring to fall. "I would never forget you...you silly girl..." Sukuna says softly, smirking."You always had my back, didn't you? You protected me, made sure I was okay."

She laughs quietly, gazing down at the man she loves. He closes his eyes. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. He would protect her until the day he died, and here she was....He has failed. She cradles his body closer, feeling the heat of her tears soak through his skin. She fights to keep her voice from breaking, "Even if it means losing your own life?" Her tone turns softer.

"Always" And that was the last thing she heard from him before his heartbeat stopped for good.

Sukuna's senses snapped back to reality. His consciousness felt fuzzy, as though the edges of his mind had been smudged with haze. His vision blurred slightly as he tried to clear his head, slowly blinking to bring things into focus.

"Don't worry my silly little kitsune...we'll reunite soon"

[morteisshipping]

So, about Blue Willow Leaves...

I was rereading S-class webtoon/manhwa again, since I finished the translated novel and is currently waiting for updates again. Of course, as expected, I cried when 25 yo Yoohyun died.

After knowing things that you do in the novel, his perspective and what he went through as he was reshaped and molded by Yoojin, I grew a lot of sympathies with him, even knowing that he is not entirely human - maybe because he is NOT entirely human. He has been enduring and holding himself back since after his birth because he loves being loved by his hyung.

"No living creatures shuns being loved."

And so, Yoohyun molded himself as per Yoojin's love. A fire molding himself into a polite, sweet child, because that's what his brother wants him to become - to grow up to be. Even though he knows he can find relief and ecstasy by fulfilling his fiery nature, Yoohyun holds himself back, because he values the love his brother gives more than that brief sense of relief.

Understandably, people in the comment are upset with Yoohyun's choices, as I was, but Yoohyun was a child, barely an adult, when he decided to go no contact with his hyung, who is his entire world that he tries to protect.

For Yoohyun, he is okay if his hyung hates him, rather than seeing him dead. I've seen much of this tropes with parent characters as well; many of them will risk their children hating them, even going as far as cutting their connection, as long as they're safe. This is what Yoohyun did because he deemed the threat of the dungeon and the Transcendants are too great for his F-class brother.

Now knowing that Yoohyun is actually a creature more akin to fire than human, it got me thinking; all of his attributes and his skills are connected to fire somehow, except this one skill:

Blue Willow Leaves

This skill allows him to acquire flight-like skill by stepping on them on air. This is a skill that he acquired not long after his awakening, I think. The longest, I think before the three years he's gone no contact with Yoojin, because he did use this power after regression against the Golden-Beaked Maiya - just not proficient enough to know how it's used. Noting that, I think Yoohyun got the skill maybe recently because he had no idea how to use it and only used it to blind his enemies. Or maybe he got that for a while but never actually uses it in combat so he never actually explore over what to use them for.

Either way... If Yoohyun is a creature of fire, then why does he have the Blue Willow Leaves skill?

It is said that skills a person awakened to is actually just an essence of who that person is, just enhancing it and making it their identity and power. Now, we know that Yoohyun is literally the personification of Fire. But then, why Blue Willow Leaves? Why not Blue Fire like the one Azula wields? Or Blue Spark? Or Blue Jet Fire that he can use to fly around like a jetpack? Or something of that note - as long as it's fire.

Why leaves of all things? The thing that the fire eats for breakfast?

In fact, Willows are the opposite of fire attribute. Willows are of the Salix genus. The name Salix, that is used for different kinds of Willow species, may originates from Celtic language where Sal means "near" and lis means "water". It's also referring to the tree's natural habitat. (https://simplybeyondherbs.com/willow-tree-symbolism/)

So because of that contradiction, I asked Google about the meaning of symbolism for Willow Leaves, and my jaw dropped:

It's a symbol of mourning and sorrow.

Yoohyun has been grieving. We do not know what he is grieving about but I'm pretty sure it's about his hyung. Because during that time apart, he was no longer part of his hyung's family. He thought that his hyung hates him and will no longer loved him.

But he still thinks, "it's fine, as long as my brother is alive and safe."

Yoohyun has been grieving. His grief is so profound that it is now embedded into his being, shaped by the guilt and sorrow towards his hyung and is now represented by a skill, which is the Blue Willow Leaves.

It's also important to note that we first see Yoohyun wields this skill the first time (in manhwa/webtoon) as he was saving his brother from Lauchitas dungeon. Of course by then he was already proficient but I have no doubt that meaning is clearly implied by the webtoon authors Seri and Biwan.

Do you know what else I found about Willow symbolisms?

It is often engraved on tombstones.

Is it possible that Willow Leaves actually foreshadowing his death all this time?

But that's just my theory. A MANHWA THEORY!

Just for the record, I do not condone what Yoohyun did to Yoojin as something right. He just did what he thought he was best. It was not, of course, but he tried his best. True, everything could've been solved if the two of them just TALK. But he did his best, as best as he could, as a non-human person who misses social cues of human society and messed up sometimes. So I cannot in my conscience ignore Yoohyun's effort before the dungeon break and sufferings in pre-regression timeline.

Of course I cannot say nor compare his sufferings to Yoojin. I just want all of the readers to remember that Yoohyun also suffered. Maybe not the same way, or the same intensity, but he'd been holding himself back for 25 years for the sake of his brother without gotten any kind of relief or reprieve.

Besides, everyone suffers in this novel. Even Sung Hyunjae suffers on his own for some degree. It's not our place to compare whose suffering is greater.

I already know that there is no way Yoojin can go back to bury his dead 25-year-old brother, but maybe we can have a moment of silence for the 25-year-old Han Yoohyun who willingly sacrificed himself so that his world - his only world that comprised only one person - Han Yoojin, stays safe.

As an ending note, please enjoy this picture of these two doomed brothers.

[universeberrigarden]

Guys

GUYS

THE LAST SAGA OF EPIC RELEASED

(I’m going to lose my mind sen help aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA)

It sounds so amazing and I’m so happy and I’m also absolutely like what am I even going to look forward to now but omg it’s been a journey and the Ithaca Saga sounds so amazing

More thoughts when I don’t have tasks to complete on a time crunch

(Okay one final note, I understand Odysseus entirely I too would sacrifice much life for Penelope)

Turns out I lied I’m putting off the tasks because EPIC

!!!!! The way I’m in love with Hold Them Down like I cannot put words to how much I love low harmonies like that

And his voiceeeeeee

And the song is just so cold like, it’s threatening in the same way we know that ice can burn. Like this shouldn’t happen, ice shouldn’t burn since it’s cold, and the suitors shouldn’t hurt Telemachus because they’re going after his mother, and yet ice burns and the suitors are cruel

The way the third song is just titled “Odysseus

Odysseus’ theme is so perfectly human and yet feels so unattainable.

NOT THE WAY FOR A HOT MINUTE I HEARD THE GHOST OF EURYLOCHUS

Gotta love Odysseus’ name being changed in the background (10-10)

The gruff and rough tone of the voices in this song is giving me so much life (unlike what Odysseus is giving the suitors)

Not open arms returning and then being outright denied, like every other time Odysseus turns away there’s something separating Odysseus from the open arms verse, but this time he just directly said no to the phrase.

Help the little slide up on one of the notes (I love singing and hearing those types of notes so much)

Lowkey this song is going to be so dope in animatic form

Odysseus vs the crimes committed under his own roof over the past several years (spoiler, Odysseus wins)

Me versus the little deep low note resonating at the end of the song who will win who will win not me

Telemachus and Odysseus reuniting is so sweet (me when I see my older sister legit just once every couple years)

Odysseus being so proud of his son just from seeing him <3

The show yourself theme and Athena returning in such a light instrumental means so much to me. Like returning to where Athena and Odysseus started as Odysseus returns to his home.

Would You Fall in Live with Me Again having such a transcendent opening instrumental aahhhhh

Penelope observing Odysseus’ differences upon seeing him again and Odysseus laying out all his changes and actions for her to see and choose to or not to accept ahhh, they’re so sweet

And of course she would fall in love with him again and again, over and over

And the little test she does for him to make sure it’s truly him, regardless of how much he’s changed

“Don’t tell me you’re not the same person, you’re always my husband” because before all else, he is the person of her love and adoration, before his actions and his changes, he is the one she is so truly fond of

Aaaaaa

Side note kudos to Penelope because I would’ve mourned over an empty grave far before she got to see her husband

[ideas-4-stories]

Cross guild fanfic idea

Warnings for 18+ Content, discussions of infertility, and past torture

Buggy is transmasc, something very few people know and fewer still recall the reveal thereof. He was very young when he realized he wasn't comfortable being called the crew's "little lass" or "baby girl". While the Rogers were wild and pretty lackluster at caring for children, they definitely went above and beyond for this bit. Buggy's assigned gender at birth is one of the biggest secrets he keeps, and it's been that way for over three decades.

When he fell ill before the last island, there was concern about him and Shanks being left all alone. Most of the concern came from Roger. He didn't think either of his boys would hurt one another, but someone else might hurt his babies. He is terrified of the prospect, especially since Buggy's fever had begun to spike so high that the poor thing was mostly unconscious, mumbling and crying in his sleep. Roger may be a pirate, a captain, but these kids also made him into a father.

He sneaks them back onto the ship.

This changes some core things very quickly.

Word gets out that the Roger Pirates have seized the crown, that Roger is now King, and the cabin boys are there as well. This shifts the tides in small ways that compound more and more until it becomes a tidal wave of change.

For one, the fight and betrayal on a rainy evening and Loguetown between Shanks and Buggy alters. They will not seize the crown themselves, they know what lay at the End. They are not the Princes entitled to the crown itself, but instead they consider themselves more like sentries to guard the gates there in.

Roger disbands the crew. He vanishes for 2 years. He returns as a picture on the front page and an execution date. The boys rush to be there, to stop it, to help, and he does not let them. They instead must bare witness to the death of a father and the birth of an Era.

They then must weather the implosion of their family.

Left alone, they stick together. Roger had many enemies, and it was no secret that they were all the type to strike the weakest links, the vulnerable pieces, to make a point. Buggy and Shanks had targets on their backs the moment Roger's blood painted the scaffold.

Shiki in particular was one of the biggest threats.

The boys get separated, and Buggy, as his luck would have it, lands in Shiki's hands. He barely survives the torment until he manages to escape. He is hurt, he is withering, and his body holds more scars than what is visible on his skin. Shiki did not hold back, not on a child, not on Roger's child.

Shanks is livid, is furious, is seething and frothing, but his priority is Buggy, will always be Buggy, his friend, his brother, his Blue. They get through it all together. Buggy heals, mostly. He also receives some of the worst news of his life.

Young as he was, he'd also considered having a family. He'd wanted it. He'd wanted that connection and love and care, even if he often struggled with feeling like he deserved it. He'd wanted.

And the chance for it was robbed from him. Internal damage, scar tissue, etc - and he had to face the looming reality of never baring a child of his own flesh and blood. He is sad. He mourns. He grieves. But he decides, once he has processed, that love is not blood, because though he and Shanks are night and day, dawn and dusk, they are them, a package deal, and that transcends blood. A child does not have to be his by blood if the child is his by heart. He cannot grow his baby himself, but he can build his family by hand and by heart, and that will be enough. It will.

Fast forward to Cross Guild.

His crew is aware that he is transgender. He does not hide it per se, nor does he scream it from the heavens. It simply Is.

It does become a topic of conversation when bonds deepen and intimacy is reached between three men, but beyond verification of consent and boundaries, it is not mentioned again.

Buggy tells them in small bursts that he is infertile and why that is the case. To say the other two are angry is an understatement, but they focus on their clown's comfort more than their own fury.

Eventually, time having passed and comfort being reached, the trio begin noticing.... changes.

Buggy's appetite has dropped considerably, and he's lost some weight. As a Devil Fruit user, he has an odd yet rapid metabolism which requires specific feeding. It's much like fueling a vice, this deal with the devil. He often feeds with food, but his interest in it has flipped.

Crocodile and Mihawk are concerned, for good reason as well, but Buggy seems largely uninterested. They convince him to see a doctor if only to verify his safety and bribe him into agreeing through honeyed words and wandering hands.

The doctor runs a few tests, gives him a head to toe check up and returns with congratulations and a hormone list. Buggy is stunned. Buggy is breathless.

Buggy is pregnant.

Crocodile quite literally faints. Mihawk is visibly rebooting. The doctor is wondering if he'll need to begin on some other options when Buggy begins crying, grinning, laughing, and pale arms wind around him tightly.

They swear the doctor to secrecy. This pregnancy is fairly high risk due to his health, so they are refusing to jump the gun on outting it.

Buggy can't help hooking his dendens together for security and calling Shanks, though. Uncle Red deserves to know.

Shanks cries.

There are a few scares throughout, but everything's alright in the end. Crocodile and Mihawk are absolutely over bearing and comically protective, which gets mixed results from Buggy himself.

Then late on July evening, as the crew is eating and making merry, Buggy with a hand on his stomach, his lovers enjoying the moment, all hell breaks loose as Buggy tenses, pales, hisses and scrambles for something to hold. Braxton hicks, he tries to tell himself deliriously, until the come one after another. Crocodile hurries ahead to prepare the medical tents. Mihawk offers to carry Buggy, and nearly gets his face ripped off when Buggy bristles at it. They get him there and it turns out that baby beloved has decided today is the day. He's a month early.

The labor is long and difficult, even after they break his water. It is especially so when it turns out the afterbirth is simply Another Birth. He swears and screeches and vows to never let a mantouch himagain while alternating between clinging to his lovers and trying to kill them.

The babies are small, but they are fairly healthy all things considered.

Ramona D. Clown is born first with a riotous mane of blue curls like her papa, dark eyes revealed as she peers around once the wailing has ceased. She got her hair and nose from Buggy, but all her other features are Crocodile's through and through. They name her with meaning, her Haki pulsing in little waves as if trying to gain understandingof her surroundings. She is bold, is brave, is beautiful.

Aurora D. Clown is born soon after her sister with blue hair in coils and waves. She is born quiet and it terrifies everyone. Once she is cleared, is rubbed, is encouraged, she releases the loudest cries any have heard before. Named for the hope of dawn and the near miss of her life, Rory is beloved by her fathers. Her eyes, when she peeks open later on, are a deep color.

It will later be found that both girls take after their parents in many ways, and that both inherited Buggy's sense of mischief and shenanigans. Once old enough, the enjoy switching places to confuse people. One with midnight indigo eyes, another with nearly black green, they are not identical, but they are close enough that some fall for it.

Their parents never do.

Shanks pretends to, every single time, if only to get their happy laughter and have an excuse to give them gifts in disguise of prizes for tricking him.

That's all I got rn but here ya go I'll never write this ily byyyyeeee

Ooooo, this is an interesting fic idea. I’m sure Buggy just flat-out stated that he wasn’t a girl, love that Roger Pirates just were like Understood 👍 Good thing that something they did right.

Roger snuck Buggy and Shanks back onto the ship, because he was very concerned for them. That’s understandable and very endearing. No doubt Roger got his butt kicked by multiple of people on board. Indeed it changes things because the two cabin boys know what’s at the end. To me, I think in canon somehow Shanks got the crew to tell him what was at the end while Buggy didn’t want to hear until he could go there.

So them going to the last island definitely changes the fight in Lougetown. Poor Buggy and Shanks unable to help their captain because he doesn’t want them to, then the aftermath where they have to be weary of Roger’s enemies. I’m guessing this is an AU where Shiki doesn’t get sent to prison soon after Eddie’s War… I’m sure that’s what happened in canon.

Poor Buggy, I know Shanks really wants to rip Shiki apart. I think we all want too!

Oh that news hit Buggy hard, good thing Buggy processed that love isn’t always blood-related.

Ooooooo! Buggy is pregnant! Love that Crocodile faints and Mihawk is rebooting. The doctor isn’t going to tell anyone. Shanks crying because he’s going to be an uncle. Crocodile and Mihawk being overbearing and protective must got everyone in awe.

Buggy alternating between clinging to them and trying to kill them is so Buggy. Good thing they were healthy. I’m glad for that! I’m already loving Ramona and Aurora, taking after Buggy’s sense of mischief and shenanigans. If you ever sent an ask about them, I would love that. Their interactions with other people and who they going to be in the future. Uncle Shanks pretending not to know who is who. That’s so funny and cute.

Sorry if it seemed that I was ignoring your ask, I was stressing over a big test. So, I didn’t think about asks for a while.

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

another one!! 🪳

recommend a great AU!

this took me too long to answer excuse mwah <3 sorry i couldnt resist asdhjash such a stupid joke

with you from dusk by katharija. WOH modern au, chronic pain, unspecified chronic illness, angst, trust issues, vulnerability, grief/mourning, sharing a bed, T. i literally just finished rereading it this morning! a brief glance at wenzhou's early days, but set in modern day. im very weak for conversations in the dark, after some guards have been lowered and possibilities to live your life a different way, a better way, seem tangible. there is also a sequel to this!

hunger by lastembers. WOH modern au, chronic pain, unspecified chronic illness, referenced cannibalism, canon-typical violence, domesticiation of a monster, M. also a fic i finished rereading the other day! what if wenzhou were neighbours, but wen kexing eats people? u know that im very into cannibalism as this metaphor for something else and as a stepping stone to experience real emotional intimacy! i also really like it when the very palpable sensation of hunger functions to talk about very related things, very visceral things, that can also be felt in the body.

there is a line here i particularly liked:

"Aren't you hungry?" Zhou Zishu asks. Wen Kexing is watching him like he's the most interesting thing in the world. "No," Wen Kexing says. Zhou Zishu knows its a lie. He thinks maybe Wen Kexing is always hungry.

oh, you're mine to take, i wanna hear the sounds you'll make by anonymous. MDZS modern au, genderbend wangxian, experimenting with gender, E. just quoting that one tumblr post from a while back: "dykes who want get fucked in the ass like gayboys." yep!!!

fish & wild geese by impossibletruths. MDZS modern au, wangxian, little forest AU, hunger as a metaphor for grief, farming as a metaphor for healing, food as a metaphor for love, T. lan wangji moves into his dead mother's house and tries to remember how it is to live. its been a while since i read this but i still remember how the grief felt like a fishbone stuck in my throat.

and you must keep your soul/ like a secret in your throat by athena_crickey. MDZS, The Untamed, modern au, modern cultivation, supernatural elements, vampires, culture clash, case fic, grief/mourning, complicated family dynamics, the weariness of being old and immortal, what it means to be alive, E. wei wuxian is an ancient vampire and lan wangji is a young (youngish) cultivator who seeks him out for a case. i particularly liked seeing glimpses of wei wuxian's earlier lives through fictional academical articles and reports at the end of each (i think it is each?) chapter, and sometimes through their conversations. i like it when there is a really old (really, really old) being there and through them, you are challenged to confront what being alive for such a long time does to a person, in what ways it reshapes them.

in the water grass, in the green by nerdzeword, twigofwillow. The Untamed, modern with magic, wangxian, angst, illness, curses, witches, river spirits, family, gardening, G. lan wangji's mother falls ill. he asks the wen witches across the street for help. this fic, too, has the theme of finding solace and comfort in cooking, food, and nature! i love lan wangji being this transcended being between a person and a river! there is also some anticipatory grief here and complex family dynamics; even though madam lan isnt dead, it is hard for lan wangji to reach her because she is not accepted by his family. he has feelings about that.

bug me bug me for fic recs!!!!

[dawn-of-worlds]

One Last Day

Corobel starts turn 20 with 8 points: 2 (roll) + 1 (nonhoarding) + 5 (left over)

[Anyway, this is a bit late, but it's certainly my final contribution, and finality lends itself to procrastination.]

Command Avatar (-1): A night-singer “poison child” (one of those born with the holy curse of poisonous skin), living in the south-east of Incarien, resolves that his people’s passive and mystical role in history should resolve itself into something a little more imperial. His name is Left-Eye, of the Eighth Green Choir. It is well that history will ever but rest on the cusp of this unfolding, for it is a course of keen and unenumerable suffering.

[This is a resonance of the Two Stars, of course. Another fact about the Night-Singers: some of them will tell you, and some outsiders may even believe, that they may take any shape they please when they metamorphose: they simply choose the frog, every time, because it is the most perfect of all possible forms.]

Command Avatar (-1): The Heresiarch Juzan, an Oracle, retreats with a small circle of followers to a wind-swept temple-city in the Bone Wastes. Atop the lonely columns of a devastated acropolis, beneath a blue-and-orange evening sky, he founds a circle of ruin-worshippers, devoted to the cycle of history—the immortal crown of the world, that which encloses all things, which winnows the real from mere alternatives. For the endless tragedy which is time’s passage, the Ruined Church will mourn; in the liminal places, where the past and present mingle, they will keep their vigil. Besides the Sky, they venerate Omeara, Laneth, and Tepponilamek.

[Elihu Vedder, The Questioner of the Sphinx, Wikimedia Commons]

Command Avatar (-1): Strange incidents of possession spring up across the world. Eyes glow; voices boom; and the light that pours forth from wounds is certainly not the sun.

[Some False-Fires have started kindling smaller, falser fires in mortals; this is somewhat like possession, and the signs may only burst forth intermittently. The Fire may be transmitted in sublime and transcendent experiences in which a False-Fire is (generally covertly) involved (“you think that was a shooting star you wished on?”). Depending on the nature of the parent fire, the victim may become a violent menace, a furtive recluse, or a cryptic plotter. Over time, the victim’s insides will burn and melt away; eventually, a Pale Imitation of the parent fire will slough off its skin and emerge, flickering.]

Command Avatar (-1): Under the sponsorship of the Court of the Two Skies and the tutelage of Págar astronomers, beside the Violet Chambers and the Red Palace, an Ultimate Observatory is built on the city-palace’s mountain outskirts. Among other functions, it aims to calculate certain details about the Hatestar.

[Anyway, because there’s no point in thinking this up and not writing it down, and it’s been sitting in a notes doc for months: The Secret of the Moon is otherness, unknowability, finitude; it is, by definition, what may not be known. This is what gives human life its discrete and coherent existence, what made the sun finite and birthed the moon; it may not be spoken until the last day because its final expression is the end of the world and the revelation of what lies beyond it—the final decision.]

Command City (-2): In Meridian, the Occidental city ruled by prophecy and taboo, a vast mechanical calendar, the Garden of Years and Days, is constructed. The upper portion, visible to the public, displays unequalled power in predicting eclipse and comet, solstice and equinox; but most is not visible. What, in its hidden depths, do its oracles contemplate? Does it show them the weather to come, the harvests, the plagues? The turning of empires? The fate of the world? And what do they, of all people, need with an abacus?

Command Order (-2): Since I never got around it it, I’m taking the opportunity to specify some things about the Celebrants: tools of which they have the use, lies told about them. These are below the readmore.

0 points remain.

[Oligo did a wonderful thing in starting this game. It’s been a pleasure; I have been consistently amazed by the quality of ideas and expression people have poured into it—the god concepts, the writing, the excellent coastlines. I think we did a good job.]

Their reputation; legends which shadow them

They are calculating, ruthless, and mercurial, rigidly following strange designs, with an affection for aestheticized violence; their political program involves a vision of an ideal society, but also of an ideal history—and that involves destruction as well as creation.

No, really, when they appear in the epics, it’s often with stuff like the following: “It is given to you to separate holy from unholy. Which part of the man was holy, and which unholy? And the Celebrant said, ‘the soul was holy; the body profane. Mark you that I have divided these with absolute precision.’”

If their actions seem to contradict each other—well, some things resolve themselves only from an Ultimate Perspective.

In the beginning, there were 30 days in every month, but two were given away to make the Crown and Veil.

Creation's last day will involve the most beautiful sunset anyone will ever see.

Things they have; things they make

Blessings of wakefulness and watchfulness.

The fruit that the Great Flowering Tree still bears, which remains a potent ecdysteroid.

The great illustrated books of religious passages, parables, and apocrypha on which secular rulers pride themselves; these are called Florilegia.

The rare Suspension of Disbelief, ground snakeskin in chrysalis-fluid and Oracle-tears, which allows the drinker to see through falsehoods. Indulged in to excess—a temptation for those of a morbid and neurotic disposition—it strips away all of so-called reality, allowing sight only of the basic and terrible truth of Being. This is a terrible inconvenience.

The peacocks which wander the lawns around the Arboretum, in bright-skied Azimuth; the chameleons inside.

Its penultimate room, where paradoxes are resolved; it is in its inmost sanctum that the Morning Star and Evening Star became gods. It is open to the sky, but any who fly above it see nothing.

Colors too rich to bear, which draw blood to them in sympathy, which make the chest bloom and the heart leap out.

The power which commands a thousand kinds of sunlight: as it filters through waters and leaves, glints off snow, shines through the pure air of the mountain's peak.

The Eye of the Beholder—wherever it may be.

Things they can do; things that may happen to them

Your image imposes itself permanently upon mirrors.

Your vision breaks mirrors; you must wear a blindfold.

Your reflection is always smiling.

Your face, like Borges’s Zahir, cannot be forgotten. Perhaps it is always visible. Perhaps one who looks upon you will see every face as your face.

You draw all color in your presence into yourself; things pale before you; you may even be the only visible thing in any given room.

You may wield the Glancing Blow, in which a gaze long suppressed bursts forth with terrifying finality.

[eldritchsurveys]

1264.

When was the last time you were bitten by an animal? What kind of animal was it? >> The only animal bites I've suffered are small ones from cats.

When was the last time you had sex/did something sexual? How was it? >> I don't remember. Early last week? It was transcendent and self-affirming as always.

When was the last time you did something illegal? What did you do? >> Pirated a video game.

What was the last colour you dyed your hair? .

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. >> The first five photos? Absolutely not, my photo history goes back like 15 years thanks to Google saving everything. I can tell you about the last five photos (which, to be fair, are first when you open the photo app, since it's reverse-chrono), which were selfies of me because my fit was on point. I mean, it often is, but this time I remembered to take photos before I took it all off.

Who was the last person you know to have something big happen to them (i.e., get engaged/married, have a baby, etc.)? >> Sparrow started college this autumn.

Is there anybody over the age of 40 that you think is hot? >> Most of the people I think are hot are over the age of 40. It's "normal" now since that's near my age, but I've been that way for most of my sexually-aware life.

Have you ever been punched in the face? >> More than a few times.

Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? >> I do not.

Do you think your last ex deserves to die? >> Absolutely the fuck not. In fact, he deserves to live as fulfilling a life as possible, considering all the shit he must have gone through in order to treat me the way he did. People don't behave that way for fun, they do so because their brain is constantly on fire, and I don't think anyone deserves to have to live like that. How’s the love life going? >> The Configuration is doing quite well, thanks.

Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? >> The last person I messaged on Facebook is Sparrow's mother, so, you do the math.

Have you ever been cheated on, or had a guy move on extremely fast after a long, seemingly sincere relationship? >> I have never been cheated on. I don't think I've experienced the second thing, either. Frankly, even if someone did seem to "move on" rather quickly, I don't see why that would bother me. I guess I understand why it bothers other people, but I don't think anyone should have to suffer through an "acceptable" mourning period before they can seek out an intimate relationship again. Everyone processes things at their own pace and in their own way and that's their business. Also, now that I think back, I think Anubis got into a new relationship pretty quickly after we broke up. The reason why it took me a minute to even remember that is because it didn't even strike me as remarkable, lol. We were friends so I was just happy for him.

Have you ever had someone drag his or her nails down your back? >> I don't think so. Which is a shame!

If you’ve been hurt in a past relationship, are you more jaded this time around? >> I don't think "jaded" is the word for how I am, I think "traumatised" is the word.

[TW: ABUSE] Have you ever been in a physically abusive relationship? >> I have not.

Have you ever felt more like you needed someone, and less like you loved that person? >> I have not felt that way.

Is there any habit, attachment, or addiction that you feel you have beaten or risen above? >> I don't think I see it this way. Like, there are certain behaviours and coping mechanisms that I mostly no longer use (although I do sometimes relapse), but I don't think of it as having "beaten" those things. These are simply things that are parts of me, and I accept them. Sometimes they come back, because I need them to, and I accept that too.

Have you ever lived with a friend? >> I have lived with multiple friends.

Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? >> Someone professing attraction for me has put them on my radar, so I guess you could see it this way, yeah. Raven is who came to mind when I considered this question, because I barely knew he existed before he started hitting on me, but when I appraised him as a potential boyfriend I was like "yeah, okay, he's cute". Do you think people act weirder or that stranger things happen when there's a full moon? >> I think the connection is an understandable one to make.

Do you think you would make a good parent someday? >> I think the question is irrelevant since I do not plan on ever raising children.

In which were you happiest: elementary, middle, or high school? >> I was not particularly happy at any point in childhood.

Have you ever written something on a street sign? >> I have not.

Life is nothing without passion. What are your passions? >> I don't think that's a valid assessment of life as a whole, but I will allow that it is true for me personally. My passions are storytelling and worldbuilding (not in the same way as the average writer does, but in a more... esoteric sense, I guess you could say), the video games I love, media in general, and eroticism and sensuality (yes, passion is my passion, lmfao). How's the weather lately? >> Fucking cold. I mean, it's seasonally appropriate at least (it was concerningly mild for the first half of November), but I can still hate it. It's also incredibly cloudy (there has been one sunny day in the past like, 2 and a half weeks) and that bothers me immensely.

You can bring back one dead pet to life. Which one? .

Is there a pillowcase on your pillow? Describe it: >> It's charcoal grey and some sort of satin material.

School: what classes are you taking at the moment? .

What scent is your deodorant? >> It's the Arm and Hammer deodorant and I think that just comes in the one basic scent.

Are you happy with what you see when you look in the mirror? >> Not always, but that's only to be expected.

Does it get super hot in the summer where you live? >> Not super hot. Would you ever date someone of the same sex? .

If you HAD to be raised by another family member than you were, who? .

Are you close with you best friends' parents? Do you know them very well? .

Do you like reptiles as pets, or do they gross you out? >> I love reptiles, I think they are great pets. They're so cool.

What is the youngest age you would consider dating somebody? .

Favorite type of seafood? >> I don't know, I love most seafood, but I did just think about how much crawfish I demolished at the Mardi Gras thing at the bar down the street. Something about the act of eating crawfish just activates a primal part of me, I guess.

Are you more traditional or progressive? >> Progressive.

Are you into the occult? >> Quite.

How long was your longest relationship? . Did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your highschool bf/gf? .

Are you a virgin? Do you believe virginity is "sacred?" >> I am not a virgin and the concept of virginity is absolutely meaningless to me.

Would you say that you have a lot of friends? >> I would say that I have hardly any friends, actually.

Are both your parents alive? .

Were you raised by your biological parents? >> One of them.

Has your family ever been broken? >> There is so much broken about the people that are biologically related to me, it goes beyond just the fact that I was raised in a single-parent household.

Do you think your parents respect your space? >> He really did not.

Are you close with you siblings, if you have any? .

Have you ever in anger told your parent(s) that you hated them? >> I'm sure I have, because it definitely was a feeling I had many times when I was a teenager. But it's also possible I never said it out loud, because I was also afraid of punishment.

What’s your favourite Thai dish? >> I'm not sure, I haven't had Thai food in a while. I do like pad thai. Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? >> I have. It was... *shrug*? Dating in general was always just a big nothing to me. None of the relationships I was in started through dating.

What sort of games do you like to play? >> Character-driven roleplaying games in worlds with intricate lore. Also, action RPGs (Diablo-type games) and MMOs (which kind of fits into the first thing).

What was the last candy you ate? >> A Chupa Chups lollipop.

Do you know anyone who is deaf? >> Not in person.

Do you eat or drink as soon as you wake up, or do you wait a while? >> I make tea pretty much right after I get up, but I usually don't get up right after waking up.

What's your favourite kind of Oreo? .

Do you play any games on your phone? If so, tell me about one. >> Jewel Hunter is just your average match-3 game. But it has no ads except optional ones (to get more turns) and it's got a satisfying gameplay loop, so I've been playing it for like 2 years at this point.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? .

What's the longest stretch of time you've spent completely alone? >> I guess the closest is when I lived in that studio apartment for nine months and for at least 3 of those months I didn't see much of anyone. There is no point in my life when I've been completely alone because, I mean, even then I had to go out and do things like get groceries. But I didn't have actual, like, social contact except for online. Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? . Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? >> For oral surgery. When was the last time you went bowling? >> I think I was 18 the last time I did that. I don't enjoy bowling at all.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? >> I know so many people who are transgender.

Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and where? >> Just my septum.

What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? >> My opinion is that they are pants? I mean, I wear them, but I don't sit here thinking critically about them or anything, lmao.

Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? . Do you have a secret life? >> It's secret insofar as the average person will never know about the intricacies of the Configuration or my nonhumanity or whatever. But not secret as in I'm hiding it on purpose or anything. It's just not of relevance or interest to the average person.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? .

Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? .

Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? >> Right now my favourite thing is a peanut butter sandwich with apple slices and honey and cinnamon. If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? >> If I could afford a piercing right now, I'd probably just get another earlobe one or maybe a cartilage one. I don't have the patience or fortitude to deal with the aftercare of facial piercings anymore. Tattoos are another story.

The last time you held a baby: >> Five years ago.

Does your mom eat meat? . What would be your reaction if one of your parents said they were having another kid? .

How do you feel about snails? >> They're cute. Are you physically affectionate with your friends? .

Do you kill spiders when you see them? >> Absolutely fucking not and I can't be friends with you if you do.

Would you ever adopt a child? >> I would not.

Do you like your name's meaning? >> I don't think it means anything, I think it was just an invented name for fictional purposes.

Do you and your mom look like sisters? . Are you the same height as your mom? .

What subjects do you like to read about? >> Death, philosophy, spirituality and religion, but basically anything that activates my curiosity, which can be... really anything, if presented in a way that hooks me.

Are there any (obviously fictional) villains you can't help but love? >> I am an ardent lover of villains, so... yeah. Many.

Can you name a villain who you could kind of side with? >> See above. I also am a villain in at least two other worlds, so.

What color eyes does your significant other (or crush) have? (If applicable.) .

Does anything around your home need repairing? >> I mean, yeah, this house is like 100 years old, there are many things in here that could stand to be repaired or updated or made to work much better than they do (like how some of the doors are technically not broken but they're just... suboptimally constructed). But this is a rental, so.

[aonemanarmy]

Through the growing snowfall Sephiroth walked, possessed by the promise of his goal growing ever closer. He hardly felt the sting of the biting wind or the chill of ice biting at his exposed skin, as it hardly registered in the racing feverish thoughts within his maddened mind. Anything that nature could've thrown at him was easily dismissed as he'd endured far more terrible things and soon enough he would transcend them altogether.

Soon his time would come and he would be freed of the last vestiges of this mortal coil. Once that time came no one would be able to stop him and he could at long last fulfill his purpose and rid the world of the human parasites that sought to destroy it if left unchecked. Only then could the Planet be at peace and then he could begin anew, at long last granted the freedom he'd scarcely dared to dream of back in his tiny metal cage. It would be wonderful.

As he walked it wasn't long before Sephiroth heard the faint footfalls of Vincent following behind him. Were he anyone else the gunman would've been like a ghost, scarcely making his presence known to all but the most vigilant of observers. To Sephiroth his footsteps sounded as loud as a beast trampling through a snowdrift, but he could still appreciate the ex-Turk's abilities even if they did fall short of his own.

Sephiroth didn't bother to address the other man as Vincent already knew what was expected of him. The gunman knew that he was to follow and that was what he must do, so there was no reason for Sephiroth to do anything than continue on toward their destination.

Briefly the madman tapped into the mental link that he shared with Cloud, silently touching on the blond's thoughts just enough to register his location. His puppet was still back near the Icicle Inn area, but Sephiroth could tell that Cloud intended to continue in his pursuit soon. It meant that they still had time to reach the Whirlwind Maze before Cloud's little party and once there then the last piece of his plan would fall into place.

It was why Sephiroth pushed on at a hellish pace, one which would drive any mortal to their absolute limit but that scarcely fazed him. He akin to a force of nature, moving as if he were outside the environment than through it and it showed in his appearance that showed no sign of wear nor tear. Sephiroth had long since moved beyond such things and when he at last made it to the maze he appeared as someone plucked from the pages of a newspaper rather than a man that had traveled half the continent without hardly any rest.

“At last we arrive.” He murmured, more to himself than Vincent as he studied the high and winding walls of the surrounding canyon. Around them a low and mournful howl filled the air as the wind cut through the natural maze as if heralding their arrival. “Soon all shall be as it must.”

Sephiroth turned fully to face the ex-Turk, serpentine eyes observing Vincent silently for several long moments. He already held his suspicions that the gunman would try something despite his proposed loyalty, but the question was whether he would make that attempt now or when his friends arrived. It wasn't something that Sephiroth was about to humor and now there would be no reactor to spare Vincent from his wrath.

“Tell me, why did you spare them?” He asked, genuinely curious at Vincent's seemingly misplaced loyalty to people and a corporation that had ruined him. “Back there, in the mountains.”

Gunshots range through the snowy hills, the winds doing little to muffle the sounds. Sparks of gunfire tore through the air from both sides, indicators of where each opponent was located. Vincent drove the helicopter as far as he could until they began to become more aggressive-- ensuring Vincent was preoccupied in distracting them while also attempting to not allow them to injure him. He would have to get out of here unscathed as he knew his being wounded would only slow Sephiroth down. Even if that was exactly what Vincent would have preferred, he knew he couldn’t wield those cards just yet. Who knew when he would ever have the chance. But now wasn't the time. He had to continue play his part without giving Sephiroth reason to doubt him.

Darting one bullet and the next, Vincent managed to outmaneuver the attacks, a flurry of snow billowing around him, causing visibility to become challenged. When that happened, Vincent relied on his enhanced senses to detect where the bullets were coming from. It was a blur of crimson against white. At one point, Vincent shot at the back of the helicopter and hit one of the wings, causing the machine to wobble and become imbalanced. This allowed him to avoid the shotguns more easily. The way the shots were being fired caused the ex-Turk to smirk. This new recruit at least had spunk, but seemed all too focused on violence and less about technique. He doubted her mentor was pleased with her current performance. Judging by the silhouettes’ movements within the cabin, his assumptions seemed to be correct. “Elena, focus!” Tseng commanded after the back of the helicopter was hit. “He’s toying with us. Best we pull back and look for Sephiroth instead.” “Smug-ass ex-Turk!” Elena yelled at the blur of crimson firing at them.  “I’ll show—AAAAH!” A terrifying flash of light blinded the Turks, followed immediately by a powerful surge of energy and heat. Control was lost, and helicopter began to tumble to its fate. Dismay riddled Vincent’s eyes as he watched the flames engulf part of the helicopter, having witnessed the power that lit the entire sky. He knew exactly who had done it, as well. Vincent could only watch as the machine fell into the gaping bit of mountain below as he ran to the ledge, unable to do anything to stop it. A loud explosion was heard, and the massive plume of smoke ascended from below. Raven colored brows furrowed in silence, the sparks of fire carrying up by the winds. Turks always found ways to escape some of the tightest situations. Likely they attempted to jump before the landing, but smoke, fire, and snow made it impossible for him to see anything. He could only hope they survived. Otherwise, their blood would be on his head. Loosening his grip on his gun, he slowly replaced it back into his holster, turning in the direction where he had left Sephiroth. Strangely enough, he didn’t sense death down below. He sensed pain, but death was far removed for the time being. Perhaps they were alright after all. Taking one last look at the building smoke, he turned back and headed in the direction that Sephiroth had walked, having a sense as to the direction Sephiroth took.

At first, his steps were slow, knowing they had to continue on their journey as there would likely be reinforcements. The helicopter going off line would surely alert the other Turks, and they would once again be chased down. He couldn’t waste anymore time, even if it meant meeting Cloud’s team sooner. Resolved, Vincent picked up the pace and fought against the wind, following the faint sense of darkness that was akin to his own. In a matter of minutes, he caught sight of Sephiroth’s tall dark figure, his hair betraying his identity in the most melancholy of ways—an angel, born as a monster, compelled by the voice of an alien who didn’t give one thought to his existence, other than to use him.

For a few moments, Vincent simply watched as Sephiroth walked on, hellbent on his destination. A defeated sigh escaped his lips, the steam quickly being taken away by the wind.

The long brutal march had once again resumed just as the skies began to signal the crack of dawn.  

[themorphine]

The Picnic-Feysand Date <3

So happy to announce that me and @wintersouldier57 teamed up and wrote a feysand fic in celebration of both hitting 100 followers! Go say congrats to @wintersouldier57 SHES AMAZING

It had been a long few weeks for the high lord and lady of the night court. Between their regularly scheduled meetings and taking care of Nyx, things had been hard. They had scarcely found any time for themselves in the midst of it, hardly any to just be together, enjoying each other’s presence. When Feyre wasn’t at a meeting, Rhys was in the Illyrian mountains handling the armies with Cassian. When Rhys was home, Feyre was at the art studio. Their schedules never seemed to line up.

They often spoke mentally, providing each other as much comfort as they could in that capacity, but they soon found that even psychic communication had its limits when it came to comforting one another. Feyre missed the way his arms felt around her, the way he would whisper soothing words into her ear when things became too much to handle. She understood that they had their responsibilities to their court. They were high lord and lady, after all. Still, she was restless. She wanted nothing more than to feel his embrace, nothing more than to drown in a pool of the transcendent love he offered her.

There was a dull ache in her heart that she knew only he could alleviate. She longed for him. She had not known desperation so deep since her days before coming to Prythian. That desperation, that hunger, had burned, but never like this. It had seared from the inside out, but never straight from the heart. Not like this did. This killed slowly, she thought, deliberately. She felt as though she had been traipsing around Velaris with half a soul, never quite able to get comfortable anywhere she went.

She would see him today. For the first time in weeks, everything lined up. Cassian and Azriel had agreed to take Nyx off their hands for the day for what Cassian called “much-needed uncle time”. They would pick him up as soon as she returned home for the day.

She was a bit surprised that Cassian had not said anything, no teasing. She didn't say anything though, she did not want to give him any ideas. He probably does not want to lose any time with Nyx, she thought, and chuckled silently.

“What’s so funny my High Lady? Rhysie has some good jokes for once?” Rhysand must have heard that from wherever he was, because he responded in Feyre’s and Cassian’s head, At least my jokes don't have every female in all of Prythian running for the hills Cassian. Feyre laughed harder, Cassian chuckling as well.

“Well have fun you two, and be sure to be home at a respectable time, and PLEASE use a sound barrier, I do not want to have to explain what noises are being heard all over this cauldron-damned city to this little one.” He said in his most “mother hen” voice, and tickled a giggling Nyx in his arms. Feyre glared at him while he laughed, and Rhys must have said something in his head, for he laughed even harder.

“BYE CASSIAN” Feyre shouted, making a beeline to the door. She could still hear Cassian's laughter,

Once she was outside, she took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was a nice day, perfect for a walk in the park or a trip to the market squares. Perhaps she and Rhys could take a walk when he returned. She would love nothing more than to walk through Velaris hand in hand with her mate. She missed simple intimacies like that, little touches.

You look simply delectable in that dress, Feyre darling.

He had spoken into her mind. Could he see her? Where was he? She looked around but could not find him. Suddenly, there was a pressure underneath her knees, lifting her into the air. She yelped, surprised that he had picked her up.After the initial surprise, she spoke;

“You should have given me some warning, you prick.”

He chuckled, “Now what would be the fun in that Feyre Darling?”

She tried her best to look unaffected by the nickname, and replied “The fun would be that I wouldn't have to scream and not fall on my face for all of Velaris to see.”

He put on a face of mock hurt. “You really think I would drop you darling? I would never!”

She glared. “Based on what you did last time, I won't trust you for another 1000 years, 900 if your lucky.”

He laughed harder, burrowing his face in my neck, to try and silence it. Once he calmed he breathed in my neck, savouring her smell.

“If I could bottle your smell I would drink it every day.” He sighed, hugging Feyre tightly, as if she could disappear any moment. And to be honest based on how long they had been apart, they both felt as if they would disappear, but thank the cauldron they wouldn't.

Finally, after all this time, they were together. She smiled as she nuzzled closer to his chest. Through the bond, she could feel the pure happiness coursing through Rhys. Her grin widened as she felt the wind blazing past them.

She wondered where he might be taking her. They hadn’t discussed their plans beyond spending the day together. Wherever they were headed, though, Feyre knew she would love it. She would love it because he would be there with her. For the first time in a long while, she was home. An unyielding warmth welled up in her heart in the place of the ravenous longing she had been experiencing before. She was with Rhys now, and all was well, at least for the day.

She looked down and watched the vibrant landscape of Velaris fly by beneath them. She could easily fly herself, but she didn’t want to. At least for now, she wanted to be held by him. Judging by the way his arms were wrapped around her more tightly than usual, it was clear that he was enjoying it too. There was something about him holding her like that. It always gave her butterflies, no matter how long they had been together. Even with the centuries stretching out before them, she could be sure that that would never change. Not this, and not the way they felt for each other. She would always look at him as though he had hung the very stars that shone above Ramiel on the Night Court’s insignia, and he would always look to her and see his darling mate, his salvation.

They continued their flight. When he landed and sat her on her feet, she mourned the close contact. She took in their surroundings. They stood on a hill overlooking the city. From the vantage point, she could see it all. She saw the rainbow and the Sidra, twinking as it reflected the sun’s light. What she took the most note of, though, was the blanket laid out on the grass, a small basket sitting at its center.

A picnic.

Rhys had planned a picnic.

She didn’t realize it was possible to love him more than she already did.

He watched her intently, taking in the shift in her expression. He grinned widely. He loved seeing her like this, happy and content. For once, she looked her age. She looked like the 20 year-old girl she was, and without eyes that looked haunted or scared. Their duties could wait. Right now, as they stood on this hill, things were for once simple. The world was quiet, save for the slight breeze that occasionally brushed against their ears. They were happy. War and politics be damned.

“Happy, my love?”

She looked down to find that her hand was glowing. It seemed that her body was speaking for itself. Instead of answering, she took a few steps toward him, placing her shining palm on the side of his face, stroking his cheek. His violet eyes were alight with the spark of love. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. It wasn’t like things had been recently. It wasn’t the quick kiss of someone trying to make time between meetings or the kind of kiss she would give him as she passed him on the way to feed Nyx. The kiss they now shared was sweet, unhurried, as though they had all the time in the world to stand there and relish in what they were feeling.

After what felt like a millenia, he slowly pulled away from her, once again meeting her eyes.

“I’ve missed that,” he said.

“I’ve missed you,” Feyre replied, tears brimming in her eyes. But she was smiling, a broad, indestructible smile that made Rhys look at her in wonder

They stared at each other for a moment longer before Rhys motioned to the blanket.

“Let’s get more comfortable.”

They made their way over to the blanket and they sat next to one another. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. With his other arm, he reached for the basket, producing several sandwiches and a container of what she assumed was some sort of stew. He sat the food in front of them before he tilted his head and placed a soft kiss on her hair.

She knew she was likely still glowing. She didn’t need to look down to know. Rhys picked up one of the sandwiches and held it to her lips. She took a bite, savoring the taste. She quickly realized where she had tasted it before. It was one of the sandwiches from her favorite restaurant. She beamed. Her clever, loving mate had gone there and procured it for her, just to make her happy. She recalled a time when such a thing would have been an ordeal, a time when her former lover had refused to so much as let her leave the house. She wished more than anything that she could go back in time and tell that girl that this was waiting on the horizon, that such a love awaited her beyond all the turmoil.

He put a hand on her hair, lightly stroking it as he held up the sandwich once again for her. She took another bite, turning slightly.

“I can feed myself, you know,” she laughed.

“What kind of male would I be if I didn’t care for my lovely hardworking mate?”

She reached over, grabbing a sandwich and holding it up for him. They spent the rest of the picnic like that, feeding each other bits of food and staring into one another’s eyes. When they had finished their meal, Rhys put what remained back in the basket and pulled her closer, pushing her head down onto his lap as he continued to stroke her hair. They stayed like that for a while, him stroking her hair and occasionally leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. It had been going on for some time when he finally said, “I don’t know what I’ve done in this life to deserve this. To deserve you.”

She looked up at him. His eyes were tender.

“You do deserve this. You’ve done so much good in your life, Rhys. You deserve every bit of happiness.”

He smiled.

“You are my happiness,” he said, his voice shaky, pressing another kiss to her brow, “and I will spend the rest of this eternity showing you how much I treasure you, my love, my mate, my salvation.”

She looked into his eyes. She wanted to say something, but she was at a loss. No words in her vocabulary could accurately describe what she was feeling, the depth of her affection for the male in front of her. She hoped her face and the glow of her skin said enough. They seemed to, as a moment later he pulled her into a tight embrace.

“My Feyre,” he said, nuzzling her neck, “my light.”

“I love you,” she said. She had never meant anything more.

“I love you too,” he responded, pressing a kiss to her pulse point.

He continued trailing light kisses down the column of her throat, smiling into her neck as he heard her breath hitch slightly. He readjusted, laying her down on the blanket. Her face was flushed as he stared down at her. He knelt down on top of her, pressing a long kiss onto her collarbone.

“Now prepare yourself, darling,” he said, “I’m going to show you just how much I’ve missed you.”

She was not prepared.

Tag List:

@feysandandnyxsworld

@that-sociopathic-hufflepuff

@emikadreams

@highladysith

@cardansfae

@aelin-bitch-queen

tagging some ppl who wanted to be in my jealous rhysand fic just in case u wanna se thisss

@live-the-fangirl-life

@story-scribbler

[tenebrius-excellium]

Zouxie’s Adventures in the Darklands AU

After Merlin has been put to sleep, moppet is...heartbroken. Everybody’s gone: His Master, Arthur, Morgana, Lancelot. Galahad is the last of the Knights and is busy keeping the castle running. He doesn’t have time for a fatherless little boy. 

Douxie is once more an orphan. All he’s got left is Archie and J.B. the horse. So he packs the rest of Merlin’s belongings and roams the streets in search for a quest. Wizardry is not outlawed anymore, but it’s not exactly favorably looked upon either. So he’s an outcast. 

Oh well, he promptly runs into Zoe at the market. She has come to town to offer her services to the magicians who fought at Killahead Bridge. She didn’t know there were still others besides her and the two official court wizards whom she couldn’t get close to, and now she wants to found an open magician’s society. 

She follows Douxie because he, being the only other wizard she knows, is her best lead. However, he’s about to leave town again. An argument ensues about staying or leaving in which they duel each other for the first time. They’re each kinda...really impressed and pissed off at the same time by the other’s magic. 

That’s where it sort of clicks for them that they really are the only ones alike. They stare at each other in astonishment. 

Then BOOM, a crack forms in the earth caused by Zouxie’s magic colliding. Since the Killahead Bridge had just been opened a few days ago, there’s still a small surge of magical energy in the air, and the wall between the realms is still thin. Archie falls into the hole and Douxie doesn’t hesitate to go after him. Zoe tries to prevent it, loses her balance, and they all tumble into the Darklands.

Archie has broken a wing and can’t fly. The trio struggles to hide from raging and ravaging Gumm Gumms. Gunmar kills them left and right in his frenzy. They finally find a secluded spot not unlike Jim’s and focus on survival. 

...a lot of time passes.

Archie’s wing has healed. Zouxie is a thing, but they’ve never dared to kiss yet. It’s just hugs and snuggles because they need each other so much. They have taught each other what little magic they knew and they’re sorta depressed and exhausted now because there just seems to be no way to get out of the Darklands...ever. As much as they’ve tried, they can’t find a portal spot where it would be possible to crack through the Darkland’s ceiling again. The layers between realms thicken the less they’re used, and it’s becoming too dangerous using so much magical energy in the land of Gunmar. 

They have managed to stay unseen to this point. But one day on the hunt for food they encounter a Nyarlagroth! Fighting and conquering it kindles their spirits and their will to survive anew and they share an epic kiss while the ‘Groth goes down in the background, explosions and screaming and all. 

Shortly after, they discover the changeling nursery. On the run from Goblins, they notice a shadow creature helping them and running alongside them. It’s...a boy, a changeling familiar who fell out of his crib and was raised by a colony of Batwolves (bat + wolf hybrid. They are the size of wolves and run as swift as them, but they hang from the ceiling and are able to glide like Flying Squirrels). In their den, Zouxie finds refuge, company, and better food. 

A few years go by. Douxie is 19 now and Zoe is 20. As an old and beloved Alpha batwolf dies, they realize that they are aging too, and vow that they will not die in the Darklands. They start drinking changeling milk regularly which prolongs their lifespan. However, the Goblins notice the thefts and alert Gunmar. From then on, Douxie, Zoe and the Batwolf boy constantly play cat-and-mouse with the Evil Underlord. Sometimes they’re captured (makes for great angst!) but they always make it out alright. 

They travel throughout the realm and find odd and wonderful things. The Darklands weren’t so bad before the Heartstone died. It used to be a really beautiful place! Douxie and Zoe improve their magic and try to create a device that can transcend realms. But they always seem to fail. 

One day the Batwolf boy (let’s call him Kip) confesses that he has a telepathic link to his changeling familiar. He didn’t tell them because it’s obvious that using it to find a way to open a portal from the other side would risk releasing Gunmar to the Surfacelands. Also, he kinda wanted them to stay. Once Kip’s changeling, however, discovers that the boy is in the company of two human younglings who want to go home, he uses that opportunity to get to Deya. He tells her about the lost heroes of the Battle of Killahead, trying to make her reopen Killahead Bridge for them. Naturally, his secret agenda is to set Gunmar free. 

Deya refuses, but cannot get the thought out of her head. At Vendel’s she sees a live stone from the Darklands and makes a Horngazel from it. She then tells Kip’s changeling to inform Kip about a specific location in the Darklands where she supposedly dropped the Horngazel for them. Kip tells Zouxie. Doux realizes that the message is coded since it includes details from Killahead battle.

They take their leave from Kip and the Batwolf den and head to the right location. They punch a hole into the Darkland realm and step out into the Surfacelands. Deya meets them there and pulls them out. However, Kip as well as his changeling have caught on to the deception and followed them. A battle begins, at the end of which Kip and his changeling switch places. Magical chaos ensues as the Batwolf boy sets foot on his homeland again: The changeling spell is broken in an already unstable rift caused by the Horngazel. A vortex forms and threatens to swallow them all. 

Zoe melts the Horngazel stone with her lightning and Douxie molds it into the octagonal shape of...the Fetch, therein containing the vortex. Deya hides the Fetch and welcomes Douxie, Zoe and Kip back into the surface world.

200 years have passed. Douxie and Zoe are pale, skinny, and have difficulties enduring bright lights. They have forgotten about earthly food, and proper manners, and real clothes instead of rags. All they remember is music, because that’s the one cultural thing they cared to preserve during their stay in the Darklands. It takes some time for them to accustom to the world again.

The first time they hear real music again, they both cry waterfalls.

They’ve got themselves and Archie. It brought the trio so close together that even a season of serious arguments, possibly even breakup between Douxie and Zoe cannot eliminate what they shared. They get back together soon. 

Kip realizes that they’re all aging now that the changeling milk is no longer available. Zouxie eventually finds Galahad and the flying Camelot and they drink from the Holy Grail or something. But when they offer it to Kip, he declines. He lives out a peaceful life in the 17th century. When he dies, Zouxie mourns a great friend. 

They never speak much about the Darklands. They don’t have to. Whatever else it did to them, it gave them their relationship, and they’re gonna treasure that. 

Also, it wasn’t all bad to live among Batwolves :)

When motorcycles are invented, Douxie gets one as a reminder of them :)

THE END

[jackles010378]

It's been a while since I've actually had the inspiration to sit down and write a fic out in full, so I would like to thank @k-slla above post for the inspiration, and I would also like to apologise in advance because it's a sad one 😭 sorry guys but as soon as I heard the song it made me think of Dean 💚 💔

In this shirt

In the quiet town of Lawrence, where the autumn leaves whispered tales of the past, there lived a girl named Y/N. She was known for her vibrant smile and the way her laughter could light up the darkest of rooms. But that was before tragedy struck, before she lost Dean Winchester, the love of her life.

Dean, with his daring spirit and heart of gold, had been more than just a partner to Y/N. He was her confidant, her protector, and the one who knew her soul as if it were his own. His sudden departure left a void in her life that seemed impossible to fill.

As days turned into weeks, Y/N found herself enveloped in a shroud of Dean’s memories. His shirts, which still carried the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the smell of motor oil and leather, became her solace. Wearing them was like being wrapped in an embrace, a cocoon of warmth and familiarity, but also a reminder of the love they shared.

"I am lost in our rainbow

Now our rainbow has gone

Overcast by your shadow

As our worlds move on

In this shirt, I can be you

To be near you for a while

In this shirt, I can be you

To be near you for a while"

Each shirt told a story—a story of adventures on the open road, of monsters faced and battles won, of quiet evenings under the stars. They were a testament to a life lived fiercely and with passion. And so, Y/N wore them like armor, a way to keep Dean close and to feel the courage he always inspired in her.

In the soft fabric, she found strength. With every thread, she felt connected to Dean, as if he were there, guiding her through the pain. The shirts were more than just clothing; they were a bridge between two hearts, a way for Y/N to hold on to the love that death could not diminish.

Even though the world kept turning and the seasons changed, Y/N’s love for Dean remained, woven into the very fibers of the shirts she cherished. In her heart, she knew that as long as she held on to them, to the memories and the love they represented, Dean Winchester would never truly be gone.

One crisp autumn morning, as Y/N reached into her closet to pull out one of Dean’s old flannel shirts, her fingers brushed against something unexpected. The fabric felt different—slightly thicker, as if there was a secret stitched within its layers. Curiosity piqued, she held the shirt up to the light, examining it closely.

There, hidden near the hem, was a small pocket—a pocket that shouldn’t have been there. Y/N’s heart raced as she carefully unthreaded the stitches, revealing a folded piece of paper. It was yellowed with age, and the ink had faded, but the words were still legible.

The message was short, written in Dean’s unmistakable scrawl:

“Y/N, my love, if you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. But don’t mourn for me. Remember the laughter, the road trips, and the way we fought side by side. You were my anchor, my reason to keep fighting. Wear this shirt when you need courage, and know that I’m right there with you. Always. I love you sweetheart, Dean x”

Tears blurred Y/N’s vision as she clutched the note to her chest. Dean had left her a piece of his soul, a whispered promise that transcended death. She folded the paper carefully and placed it back in the hidden pocket, then put the shirt on. It felt like a warm embrace, as if Dean’s arms were still around her.

"I did send you a note

On the wind for to read

Our names there together

Must have fallen like a seed

To the depths of the soil

Buried deep in the ground

On the wind, I could hear you

Call my name, held the sounds

I am lost

I am lost, in our rainbow

Now our rainbow has gone

I am lost, in our rainbow

Now our rainbow has gone

I am lost"

From that day on, Y/N wore the shirt more often. She wore it when she faced monsters—both literal and metaphorical. She wore it during thunderstorms, when the world seemed too dark. And every time she did, she felt Dean’s presence, urging her forward.

The hidden message became her talisman, a reminder that love could bridge even the gap between life and death. Y/N knew that Dean was still with her, woven into the very fabric of her existence. And as she walked through life, wearing his shirts, she carried their love like a flame—a flame that would never be extinguished, no matter how fierce the winds of fate blew.

And so, Y/N continued to wear Dean’s shirts, not just for comfort but as a testament to their love story—one that defied the boundaries of time and space. In those hidden pockets, she found solace, hope, and the unwavering belief that love could endure, even when the world tried to tear it apart.

TAGLIST: @k-slla @cevansbaby-dove @kaleldobrev @janineb86 @deans-daydream @alternativeprincess94 @nescavaneck @angelbabyyy99

This song came up on some random playlist I had playing, and something about it made me so emotional..

I feel like I'm about to burst to tears and I don't know why..😭

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [101]

101. including bellamy (the epilogue)

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader 

Word Count: 18.6k

Warnings: angst, death, anxiety, pregnancy/birth (and maybe it's not the most factual but so what), lots of fluff and happiness, mentions of blood, smut, nausea and puking, language.

Summary: the last update of sub rosa takes you through some moments of your life with bellamy after you reject transcendence. 

a/n: this is it you guys! see the end for my final sub rosa author’s note!!! 

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

24 hours after Transcendence

You stand at the door of the bunker, staring into the darkness, trying to talk yourself into going inside. 

But you can't bring yourself to do it, because that makes all of this real, and you don't want to accept that. 

As you try to psych yourself up, you feel a hand slip into your own, and you turn to face Bellamy, a sympathetic smile on his face. “You don't have to go in. Murphy and I can get it done without you.”

You shake your head, thankful for the offer, but well aware that you can't accept it. “No, I need to do this. Gabriel deserves to have a proper burial. We couldn't do it for Diyoza or Kane or my mother, so I need this. I have to see this through.”

Bellamy nods, understanding. “We can wait as long as you like.”

You put on a brave face, looking up at your fiance. “I got this.”

And then you step inside. 

You lead Murphy and Bellamy back to the rec room, where Gabriel’s body remains, untouched since you all left him there to save Madi. Bellamy helps you change him into clean clothes, unstained by blood, something more akin to what he’d usually wear. You also clean the blood from his face, and by the end, it’s easy for you to pretend that he’s just sleeping. That Gabriel Santiago is not dead, he’s just taking a long nap. In a few minutes, he’ll jump up, ready for dinner, cracking some joke about being ready to eat, even when he’s sleeping. 

Of course, that isn't the reality. And once you're ready, Murphy and Bellamy load him onto a stretcher and carry him out of the bunker, out into the woods where the others are standing beside a grave that is already dug and waiting. On your way out, your eyes land on the piano, black blood staining some of the white keys. You pause and stare at it, Gabriel’s cup of alcohol still sitting on the edge, right where he left it before he was stabbed. You feel yourself start to choke up, and you step away from the piano, intending to join the others outside when something catches your eye. A sheet of music beside the others, a familiar scrawl in the corner. 

You reach out and pick it up, tears springing to your eyes when you read the title of the song. 

Clair de lune.

And off to the side, framed by music notes, is a message. One line, simple, but it’s enough to make you cry again.

For mi cielito.

You hear a sound out in the hall and you grab the sheet of music, swiping away your tears as you fold it into quarters and tuck it into your pocket, running outside to join the others. 

There are no dry eyes as Gabriel is lowered into the ground, and you all collectively say one last Traveler’s Blessing for him, mourning the loss of your friend and family. Everyone whispers their final ‘may we meet again’s,’ and file away, one by one, leaving only you and Bellamy. You walk to the edge of the grave and look down at Gabriel’s peaceful face, your mind thinking back to his final moments. You still don't know if his final words were a love confession, but looking back on the years you spent with him and the sheet of music in your back pocket, you think that maybe it was a confession. You hate that you’ll never know for sure, but you do get a sense of comfort in knowing that he’s at peace now. 

He was ready to die ten years ago, before he was unwillingly put into a new body, but now, he’s at peace. He’s probably with Josephine and Russell and the other Primes, watching all of you from the stars. He lived a full life, a few of them actually, and got to answer some of his biggest questions about the Anomaly and the Anomaly Stone. And maybe that’s enough.

Bellamy steps up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. “Are you okay, natshana?”

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“About Gabriel?”

You hum in agreement and stand silent for a moment before you reach into your pocket and pull out the sheet music, unfolding it so Bellamy can see it. You both look at it, and you can hear his mind silently putting together the pieces before you quietly add, “I think he confessed his love for me before dying.”

You don’t know why you say it to him, because it's not like it matters now. And you’re not even sure what your feelings for Gabriel would have been like had he survived, but you're sure of your feelings for Bellamy. If Bellamy really had died in Sanctum and Gabriel had lived instead, you’re sure you could have loved him. But he would have never been your soulmate, because that title belongs to Bellamy. Bellamy is a part of you, the same way Clarke is a part of you, his fate and existence intertwined with your own in every way. 

You start to grow nervous when Bellamy doesn't say anything, afraid you’ve hurt him, but he finally breaks his silence when he whispers, “I’m glad he was there for you when I couldn't be. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.”

“Me too.”

Bellamy tightens his grip around your waist a little, lifting his head to press a kiss into your hair. “Besides, you’re easy to love.”

You turn your head and smile at him. “Are you using my own line on me?”

“Is it working?”

You smile at him, lifting your hand and placing it over his hand that’s resting on your stomach. “A little. Too bad we’re stuck in tents right now.”

“Is that supposed to stop me?”

You let out a surprised snort of laughter and shake your head. “Enough.”

He smiles and presses a kiss to your cheek. “There’s the smile I was missing.”

“It’s hard losing people. I know so many of us have survived, despite the odds continuously stacked against us, but I still feel like we’ve lost so much.”

“I know, la lune.” He tightens his grip on you before stepping away and turning you to face him. “But things will be different now. We’re building a new life here and we’re going to do better. We’re going to honor all those we’ve lost by living long, peaceful lives, the way they’d all want us to.”

You nod your head, tears welling up in your eyes. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

You lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, accepting the comfort he offers you. When you finally pull away, you both turn towards the open grave, Gabriel still waiting to be buried. Bellamy grabs the shovels, passing you one, and as the two of you start to drop dirt around him, you whisper one last time, “La muerte es la vida.”

-

6 months after Transcendence 

You roll over with a huff, turning to look at the ceiling of your tent, cursing yourself for not taking up Octavia’s offer to sleep in their guest bed.

You thought you could handle a couple more weeks in the tent with Bellamy, but your aching back and stiff limbs are starting to tell you otherwise. Everyone’s permanent homes are being built one by one, everyone focusing on one home at a time, finding that makes the process much faster. You, Wonkru, the Eligius prisoners, and even some of the Sanctumites have been sharing the workload, moving from one group to the next to keep things fair. You and Bellamy are next on the list for your people, but there’s one house for someone from Wonkru and one for someone from Eligius that needs to be built before you and Bellamy get your own place. 

Meaning, you have at least a few more weeks of tent living before you get your own bed, and your own roof that doesn't leak when it rains too hard. 

You sit up with a sigh, closing your eyes and stretching the stiffness from your arms and legs. As you're rubbing a knot out of your shoulder, Bellamy’s smiling face pokes into the tent, grinning at you as if he has the bet news. You give him an odd look, not appreciating his chipper energy when you’re feeling grumpy and sore. “What?”

“Let’s get married.”

You laugh a little and he steps inside of the tent fully. “You’ve already asked me that, Bellamy.”

“No, I mean, let’s get married today.”

“Today?” You shake your head, your brows pulling together. “We can't get married today. We have a house to help build.”

“Everyone could use a break.”

You counter, “We don’t have anything planned out.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Your jaw drops open a little as you look at him, trying to think of some other excuse why you can't marry your fiance today, but unable to find one. He smiles when he realizes that you’re speechless. “If you have no other objections, then you need to get to Sanctum.”

“Sanctum? Why?”

“You’ll see when you get there.” He passes you your boots and a pair of clean clothes, the large smile back on his face. “C'mon, get dressed. We have a lot to do and I need you out of here!”

You laugh a little as you quickly get dressed, stepping out of the tent to find Bellamy waiting. He leads you to the Anomaly Stone, pulling on the helmet in the room and getting the code for Sanctum, which he quickly types in. As the flash of green appears in front of you, he tugs off the helmet and sets it aside, turning to you with a bright smile. He places a quick kiss on your lips before ushering you towards the open Anomaly. “I’ll see you in a few hours. I love you!”

You turn to look at him with bewilderment, unused to this playful energy, as you call back, “I love you more than the stars!”

You step into the Anomaly, appearing in the palace of Sanctum. The room has been mostly cleared out by this point, Sheidheda’s throne destroyed, the blood staining the ground, Bellamy’s included, now scrubbed away. The palace primarily serves as a transportation hub at this point, shelves lining the walls with disciple helmets placed on them, waiting to be used. 

You look around at the empty room, confused as to why you’re here, and as you start to walk towards the door, someone comes running in, an apologetic smile on their face. “Sorry I’m late, we got busy at the tavern!”

“Blythe Ann? What am I doing here?”

Blythe Ann smiles and motions for you to follow her before she turns and heads out the door. You jog to catch up, her voice floating back to you. “Bellamy wanted you to stay here so they could get things ready back on Earth. Plus, you left a few things here.”

You follow her from the palace and over to the tavern, where she leads you to the base of the stairs that lead to your former living quarters. You stand looking up at it, and she motions to the top. “Go on.”

You give her a look before tentatively climbing the stairs, moving down the hallway and pushing open the door to your former room. It’s empty, but it looks nearly identical to the way you left it years ago, back when you thought you'd only be gone for a few days. You had no idea it would be years. 

The room is different though, because a long silver dress is stretched out on the bed, a gift from Delilah. You smile at it, walking across the room to the dress, running your hand over the fabric. As you do, something catches your eye, and you turn to look at the top of your bed, near the pillows, a yellow book with blue binding sitting beside your old pack. You reach out and grab the book with a smile, the cover stained with your blood and a little scorched. You open the book and flip the first few pages to the note that Bellamy wrote you years ago, reading it over again, tears springing to your eyes as you do. 

And just as you finish the note, you hear a noise behind you, startling you. You drop the book on the bed and reach for your knife, an old habit that you still haven't broken, despite the six months of peace you’ve lived. But instead of finding a masked intruder or someone ready to kill you, you find Clarke, Octavia, Raven, Emori, Echo, Hope, Gaia, and Madi. They all look at you in surprise, holding up their hands in surrender, “Slow down there, we come bringing drinks!”

They all hold up cups and you smile, dropping your hand. “Sorry, old habit.”

They all file into the room and move over to you, each of them pulling you in for a hug in greeting. As you hug Gaia last, you look over them in confusion. “What are you all doing here?”

“We’re your wedding party!” You look at Emori, your confusion deepening. “Blythe Ann said it’s what they used to do on Earth before Praimfaya. Brides would have bridesmaids that stand at the altar to support them, and grooms have groomsmen to support them.”

Clarke smiles, “I know all those traditions were lost on the Ark, but we thought it might be nice to have a real wedding, like they used to.”

You smile at her, “How long have you been planning this?”

This time, it’s Octavia that answers. “My brother’s been working on this for weeks, and he has a very specific schedule for us to follow, so we better get started.”

“Okay then.” She passes you a drink, and now all of you have a cup in your hands. Clarke lifts it in the air, looking at you with a smile. “To the bride, our la lune!”

Everyone echoes, “To the bride!” before downing their drinks.

After that, your morning is a whirlwind of activity. Everyone helps you to get ready, and the morning is full of stories about Bellamy. Octavia tells you some from her childhood that you had never heard before, and Echo, Emori, and Raven share stories from the Ring. They help you get dressed in the silver dress, before helping you with your hair. And as you sit in your old room with your friends, you can't help but be overwhelmed by all the love you feel. You start to tear up, and Clarke is the first to notice. “La lune, what’s wrong?”

You shake your head, quickly wiping away your tears as everyone turns to look at you. “Nothing, I'm just so happy.”

Everyone lets out a collective aw, and Clarke helps wipe away your tears. “Well, before we finish up your look, we should probably get the rest of your tears out of the way.”

“What do you mean?”

Emori, the resident wedding expert, steps forward. “There’s another tradition with weddings, and that’s for the bride to have something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.”

Clarke grabs your hand, turning it over before dropping something into your palm. “Something old, it symbolizes continuity and often incorporates something sentimental, passed down through the family.”

You look down at your open palm to find a ring, your father’s wedding ring, given back to your mother before he was floated. You thought it was lost after she was bodysnatched by Simone, but now you see that it’s not. You look up at Clarke with teary eyes, which overflow quickly and rush down your face. “Dad’s ring?”

“He would want you to have it, to give to Bellamy.” You feel yourself start to cry harder as she whispers, “He’d be so proud of you, la lune. Mom too.”

You reach out and pull her into a hug, whispering into her hair, “Thank you.”

The two of you share a moment before pulling apart, and Echo and Hope step forward next. “Something new, it symbolizes excitement for the future and a new chapter in your life.”

They each hold out a boot to you, new shoes for your wedding, but shoes that still fit your personality. You take them with a smile and hug them each, setting the shoes down as Madi steps forward, a chain clasped tight in her hand. “Something borrowed, for good luck.”

You look down at the necklace in her hand, a sun hanging from the chain, and you start to cry again as she steps forward and clasps it around your neck. You hug her as soon as she’s finished, a piece of your father and a piece of your mother now with you on your wedding day. When you and Madi pull apart, Raven and Emori step forward with matching smiles. “Something blue, to ward off evil spirits, but also a symbol of love, purity, and fidelity.”

They open their palms to reveal hair clips adorned with small blue moons, and you smile as you hug them both in thanks. They help to arrange the clips into your hair, and before you know it, you're ready to get married. You all take one more shot of Jo Juice for good luck before heading down the stairs and back to the palace, towards your wedding. You feel your nerves start to build with each step you take back towards Earth.

Blythe Ann, Jae, and a few others are waiting for you at the stone, and as someone enters the code back to Earth, Jae turns to you with a curious look. “Who’s walking you down the aisle?”

“What?”

“Typically, the father of the bride walks her down the aisle, and gives her away to her future husband.”

You shake your head, lost, unsure who could do that for you when your father is dead, Kane is dead, and your mother is dead. But just as you start to panic, you feel a hand slip into your own, and you look down to find your niece smiling up at you. “I’ll do it, ani. If you want me to.”

You smile back down at her, “I’d be honored if you walked me down the aisle, little sun.”

The two of you share a grin as the Anomaly is activated ahead of you, and in one large group, you step through, following the rest of the crowd as they lead you through the bunker and out into the warm afternoon air. The sun is beginning to lower in the sky, creating a golden glow over everything you see. You have no idea where you’re going, you just allow yourself to be led to your destination, trying to keep your mind off your nerves and focus on your excitement instead. 

Finally, after a few minutes of walking, you all stop near a tree. The other wedding guests walk ahead of you, moving to find their seats, but your bridesmaids keep you hidden out of view, but also unable to see anything around you. Clarke reaches out to take the hand not held by Madi, and she gives you a reassuring smile. “One by one, we’re going to walk down the aisle ahead of you. Madi knows your cue, and she’ll walk you down to us. After that, just follow the lead. We’ll be right there with you if you need us.”

You smile at her, tears in your eyes again, “Thank you, Clarke. For everything.”

She smiles, shaking off your praise. “Don't thank me, thank your future husband when you see him.”

You smile at her, and one by one, your friends hug you before walking down the aisle ahead of you, a soft song playing over a set of speakers. It takes a second for you to realize that it’s Clair de lune, and you smile, another piece of your parents put into your wedding. And despite them not being here, you feel like they are. You feel their love everywhere, incorporated into everything around you, reminding you that they’ll never truly leave you. 

You get so lost in your thoughts of your parents that you don't even realize Madi is starting to tug on your hand, until she whispers, “Ani, it’s time. Are you ready?”

You look down at your niece and smile. “I’m ready.”

She starts to walk, leading you around the large tree and into a clearing. There is an aisle cutting through two large groups of people, all of them standing and watching as you approach. Your eyes lift to the trees, where stars and moons of varying sizes hang down, catching the light of the setting sun, and it brings a smile to your face. At the end of the aisle is an arch adorned with flowers, and your friends stand on either side: Gaia, Raven, Emori, Echo, Hope, and Clarke stand on the left, and on the right is Octavia, Murphy, Miller, Jackson, Jordan, and Levitt. But you don't focus on any of them, because as soon as you catch sight of Bellamy, your eyes never leave his face.

He is watching you intensely, tears streaming down his face, which makes you start to cry too. He’s dressed in a suit, which he must have gotten from someone in Sanctum, and though the sight is a little startling at first, he also looks good. He shaved once he joined Cadogan’s cause, but once all of you decided to return back to Earth, he started to grow out his beard again, reminding you of the scruffy man that saved your life from Diyoza and her prisoners a few years ago. The freckles that dot his face and cheeks are prolific, thanks to the days that all of you spend in the sun, and his eyes are sparkling in the golden hour light. And though you think he looks good every single day, you think he looks beautiful right now. You sear the image into your memory, never wanting to forget how he looks in this moment.

You finally reach the end of the aisle, and Madi passes you off to Bellamy, who leans in for a quick kiss. They exchange a quick hug before Madi moves to stand beside Octavia, switching places with Murphy, and you turn to Bellamy and whisper, “You did all of this?”

He grins, “You like it?”

“Bellamy, I love it.”

His smile grows even wider, and you melt, wishing you could stay in this moment forever. As the two of you stand smiling at each other, Murphy comes to stand beside the two of you, beneath the arch, and you turn to look at him. He smiles at you, “You look beautiful.”

You smile back and counter, “You look good too, for a cockroach.”

He laughs a little before lifting his voice to address the crowd, which is now sitting and watching all of you closely. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate a wedding between our favorite couple. I’ve never officiated a wedding before, but honestly, I already know that I’m going to be good at it.”

The crowd snickers and you and Bellamy exchange an eye roll as Murphy continues, “I’ve heard from reliable sources that weddings on Earth before Praimfaya were long and boring, but this wedding will be anything but that. We have a party to get to after this, so I’m gonna keep it short.”

He pauses and looks you and Bellamy over for a second, before he says, “From the very first moment they laid eyes on each other, Bellamy and la lune were in love. It was obvious to everyone but them, but eventually, for all of our sake, they figured it out. We all thought the puppy dog eyes and longing looks would end once they got together, but to our dismay, they didn't. Bellamy and la lune look at each other with as much love as they did on that first day, if not more. Some of us had to watch Bellamy pine away for her while trapped on a tin can in space, while others had to watch la lune pine away for him while in the last green valley on Earth.”

He motions to your surroundings, lush, green, overgrown, and muses, “Or so we thought. Still it didn't take long for them to figure it out again, though life continued to get in the way. But finally, after a few years and a few different planets, we have arrived at this moment. Bellamy and la lune, it’s time to exchange your vows. Bellamy, you go first.”

Bellamy holds both of your hands in his own as he takes a deep breath and begins, “Natshana. We have been through so much together. We have experienced so much loss, so many hardships, but through it all, I felt at peace, because I knew I had you. I vow to always love you, to support you through everything, and to remain by your side through it all. I vow to protect you and keep you safe, and to remind you daily of how much I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, proving to you that I deserve the love you freely give me. I want to be your best friend and confidant, your soulmate. I vow to be a good husband, a good father, and a better man. I vow to love you in this lifetime and in the next.”

You’re crying by the end, tears streaming down your face, making your vision blurry, and you smile at him as he finishes his speech. You swear you even hear Murphy sniffle a little before he says, “La lune, your vows.”

You wipe away your tears to get a better look at Bellamy before taking his hands again with a smile. “Bellamy, I have spent my entire life feeling like something was missing. Despite living a life full of love on the Ark, surrounded by people that cared about me, I knew that something was missing from my life. I would have never guessed that what was missing was you. From the moment you saved me from Shumway, I knew our fates were intertwined. I didn't understand just how much back then, but I understand now. You are a part of me, as if the gods created our souls from the same mixture of stardust. I can't imagine my life without you, and I am so honored and grateful to be standing up here today, joining my life with yours. I vow to love you unconditionally, until we take our last breaths. I vow to comfort you when things are hard, to protect you from the harsh world, and to make you smile as much as I can. I vow to be a good wife, and mother, and woman, and I vow to do everything I can to make you happy, because I love you more than the stars.”

Bellamy starts to cry as you say your vows to him, and by the end not only are you both crying, but almost everyone around you is crying too. Murphy gathers himself and mutters, “The rings.”

Clarke and Octavia each pass him a ring, the first of which he offers to Bellamy. Bellamy takes your left hand, poising the ring at the end of your ring finger as Murphy says, “La lune, do you accept this ring as a symbol of Bellamy’s love for you?”

“Yes.”

Bellamy slides the ring on your finger, the gold band matching the band of your engagement ring. Except this band has a small moon on it, seeming impossibly small, and as you admire it, Bellamy whispers, “Bardo tech is good for something.”

You smile at him as Murphy passes your father’s ring to you, and you take Bellamy’s left hand, holding the ring at the end of his ring finger the same way he did with you. Murphy repeats, “Bellamy, do you accept this ring as a symbol of la lune’s love for you?”

Bellamy smiles at you and whispers, “I do.”

You slide the ring onto his finger, whispering, “It was my father’s.”

Bellamy looks up at you in surprise, tears in his eyes again as he whispers back, nearly speechless, “Natshana.”

You smile at him, and beside you, Murphy proudly announces, “I now pronounce you married! You may now kiss the bride!”

Bellamy grins at you before sweeping you into his arms, turning and dipping you before kissing you, pouring all the love he has for you into it. You both pull away with matching grins, the crowd cheering around you as Murphy yells, “Let’s party!”

And party you do. 

All of you move to a different clearing, set up with food and fire and more music, and you spend hours dancing, partying, and laughing with your friends, your family, and your husband. Sometime later, long after midnight, you and Bellamy are slow dancing, looking at each other with adoration when he mutters, “I have one more surprise for you.”

“What is it?”

“Do you trust me?”

You give him a look and say, “You know I do.”

“Close your eyes.”

You do as he says, and he leads you away from the party to a chorus of goodnights, hoops, and hollers following you. As the sounds of the party grow fainter, the sounds of the woods grow louder, and you can hear leaves crunching beneath your boots as Bellamy leads you through the woods. You walk for a few minutes before he pulls you to a stop, putting his hands over your eyes to cover them even further. His mouth is right beside your ear when he whispers, “Ready?” and it sends a chill down your spine. 

Your voice is a breathy whisper when you answer, “Ready.”

“Okay, open.'' Bellamy drops his hands from your eyes, and they open to see a house standing in front of you, the soft light of a fire coming from inside. It has a porch and a big yard, and as you look at it in confusion, Bellamy adds, “It’s no house in Shallow Valley, but…”

He trails off as realization dawns on you, and you turn to him with a look of excitement. “Wait, are you saying?”

“It’s ours.”

You laugh and pull him in for a kiss, pulling away again so you can ask, “Wait, how? There were two houses ahead of ours!”

“We’ll probably be babysitting for everyone for the rest of our lives, but they came by everyday to work on it.”

You smile at him, shaking your head with disbelief. “I don't deserve you, Bellamy Blake.”

“You deserve more than me, blainen natshana.”

“That’s not true.” He smiles at you a little before nodding towards the house. “Wanna go inside, Mrs. Blake?”

You grin at him, “I’d love to, Mr. Blake.”

He takes your hand and leads you inside, giving you a quick tour before leading you back to the bedroom. There, he stops at the door, motioning for you to go inside. You push the door open and walk into the room, looking around at the decor, Gabriel’s sheet music hanging on the wall, the large bed in the room, and...the skylight. You let out a little gasp as your gaze locks on the window situated in the ceiling, letting in the soft light of the moon. It shines down on the bed, giving you a perfect view of space from the place you’ll be sleeping. As you look up at the stars over your bedroom, you feel Bellamy slide up behind you, his hands on your shoulders. You whisper, “It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, you are.” You smile at the compliment, but your smile drops into a gasp when his lips move to your neck, pressing soft kisses to your skin. His hands slide from your shoulders, down your arms, and then to your waist. You sink into him, enjoying the feel of his lips on your skin, as they move from your neck to your shoulder. One of his hands lifts, and you feel your zipper being tugged down your back slowly, his lips kissing down your spine as he exposes more skin. Your dress slides off your body, the silky material moving off you easily, landing around your feet. Bellamy drops down behind you, his hands roaming across your skin before reaching around and untying your shoes, one after the next, his lips pressing kisses to your legs. 

He rises slowly, trailing a finger up your spine and sending a chill through you before his lips press to your neck again. He pulls away to spin you in his arms so you're facing him, and he eyes you up and down hungrily, his expression one of admiration. “More beautiful than the moon.”

You smile at him, before reaching out and crashing his lips to yours, the two of you kissing hungrily, Bellamy’s teasing leaving you eager with anticipation. He pulls you close to him, his suit rubbing against your bare skin, his arousal pressing against your body. You slide your hands up his chest and push his jacket down his shoulders, before moving your hands to his buttons. You break your kiss so you can press kisses to his skin, the same way he did to you, a new kiss with each new inch of exposed skin. When you reach the last button, you drop to your knees, leaving his shirt on as you do. You press one kiss to his waist before leaning down and ridding him of his own boots, before you return your focus to his waistband. 

You undo his pants and slide them down his legs, letting them pool around his feet, and then you tug his underwear down, his dick springing free. You look up at him, and his eyes are locked on you, watching your every move as you take him into your mouth. His eyes flutter closed as you work him with your tongue, slowly at first, increasing your pace as you move. You can feel him start to reach his climax, his thighs clenching beneath your hands, but he stops you before he can finish, his voice breathy when he whispers, “Not yet.”

He pulls you to your feet and straight into a kiss, guiding you backwards towards the bed, stopping just at the edge to break your kiss. Bellamy shakes off his shirt, the last of his clothes, before nudging you to sit on the bed so he can help you out of your underwear. As soon as you're naked, he takes a moment to admire you again, and you do the same with him, your eyes scanning his body, before settling on a scar at his side. You reach out to run a finger over the scar, given to him by Kane while he was under the influence of Alie. Bellamy reaches out and tips your chin up until you’re locking eyes, and he smiles, “I love my crooked scar.”

“And I love you.”

He leans down and kisses you, the two of you moving backwards on the bed until your head is on the pillows. His mouth leaves yours to press kisses all over your body, worshipping you, and when he finally sinks into you later, you climax while looking at the stars.

-

7 months after Transcendence

You look down at the list of supplies in your hand, checking over it a second time before you jump to Bardo to grab all that you need. But as you’re reading through the list, you get an idea, and you lift your gaze to look at your twin, who’s sitting across from you at your kitchen table. “We should form a council.”

Clarke looks up at you, confused, her mind too focused on the list in her own hand. “What?”

“We should form a council, like we had on the Ark. Except this one will be between all of us that chose to leave Transcendence.”

Clarke considers your idea for a minute before nodding in agreement. “It would definitely make it easier to get supplies if we had an official person to go to each time.”

“Everyone can choose or elect a council member to represent them. One from Bardo, one from Sanctum, one from Wonkru, and one from Eligius. And then the council members can elect a chancellor to represent all of us.” Clarke nods in agreement. The ideas start coming to you quickly now, and you add, “We can set an age for Transcendence, for those who choose to go through with it. We’ve already got a few pregnant people within each group, so inevitably, somebody will want to transcend. Even though none of us liked the idea, we can make it a celebration or ceremony of some sort.”

“I like that. And we can jump to other planets for trades, make the routes and access to each other easier. With Bardo being at its closest point in its orbit, it’s easy to handle the time dilation now. But in the future it’s something we’ll need to consider. We can also set up schools or specialized learning within each group, so everyone has some way to contribute. Maybe check in with each other once a year at an official meeting just to make sure we’re all on the same page.” She looks back down to her notebook, flipping to a new page and already scribbling out a few notes. “I’ll get a few ideas written out, and we can pitch it to the others later.”

You smile at her, standing from your chair with your list. “And with that, I’m gonna go get our supplies.”

Clarke glances up at you as you step away, smiling. “Good idea, la lune.”

You smile back and counter, “Thank you.” And as you turn away from her, you drop your voice to a whisper, low enough that she can't hear you. “Intergalactic Chancellor.”

-

9 months after Transcendence

You walk up the path to the newest building in your fast growing town, Octavia and Gaia at your side. 

The temple in front of you is built with stone, gifted to you from Bardo, the first of many gifts exchanged after the announcement of the Intergalactic Council. Everyone agreed and elected their council members. The Bardoans chose Lila, your former training partner, the Sanctumites chose Jae, Wonkru chose Indra, and the Eligius prisoners chose Nikki. With most of the people concentrated back on Earth, everyone agreed that Earth needed two delegates, to ensure everyone’s voice was heard, so they quickly chose Clarke as a fifth council member. And then a few minutes after that, they made her the Chancellor, just like you predicted. Everyone agreed that she could put the needs of the many over the few, that she could be more impartial than most, and that she was the best suited for the job. What surprised you though, was when they chose you to take over Clarke’s council seat, making you the new fifth member. 

The last two months have been hectic as you all established the council and a new routine, and each Stone Room was cleaned up and made easier to access. On top of that, each of the three planets built a temple for Transcendence, where future ceremonies could be celebrated. Which is where you are right now, walking up to the new temple with Octavia and Gaia. Gaia leads you all inside, pointing out the various features of the temple. Stained glass windows, designed based off images from Earth before Praimfaya, but the religious images have been replaced with the origin of the Grounder religion and the story of Transcendence. 

In the center of the temple, surrounded by a stone altar, are the remnants of Gaia’s transcendence. She was the only one on Earth when everyone transcended, and despite coming back down, her being of light remained. Now, it sits in the center of the temple, serving as a reminder of what will happen to those that choose to transcend. On Sanctum, they fixed up the palace and made it part temple, part Stone Room. And on Bardo, they put their temple in the oxygen farm, where most of the beings of light remain. 

It’s weird to think that all of you are essentially establishing a new religion for people to follow. And though it’s likely that most of you that are alive right now won’t believe in the miracle of Transcendence, it’s possible that the descendants that come from your generation will believe. Religion on the Ark was always more of a melting pot of histories, most of the major religions combined into one universal religion. The Grounders believed in the Commanders and Becca Pramheda, and the Bardoans believed in the Shepherd and his teachings. On Sanctum, they believed in the divinity of the Primes. 

And even if the new religion surrounding transcendence is not something you’ll ever believe in, religion has always been a big part of the human experience, and it only seems fitting that all of you create something for future generations to believe in. Plus, it does bring a smile to your face to know that you’ll always be part of the history of transcendence. Without you, the human race was condemned to extinction, until you urged them to reconsider. With Bellamy and Octavia’s help and everyone else’s compliance, you were able to convince the alien species to give humans another chance. It wasn't just because of you, but you are a part of the legend, a legend that will be passed down to generations to come. 

Your story will live on, even when you’re not there to tell it.

-

11 months after Transcendence

You sit in your large bed, waiting for your husband to join you, both of you winding down for the night and preparing for sleep. 

When he finally steps into your bedroom, you give him a serious look and muse, “I think it’s time.”

Bellamy gives you a shocked look, “You think so?”

“I do.” You hold up The Iliad, bookmarked a few pages from the end, you and Bellamy both procrastinating the inevitable: finishing the book. But now, after working your way through the book slowly, over the course of a few years, you know it’s time for the two of you to finish it. 

Bellamy strips down to his underwear and climbs into the bed beside you, taking the book from your outstretched hand. He settles back into the pillows, opening his arms so that you can cuddle up next to him, tucked into his arms. You turn your gaze to the night sky above you, visible though the window in your room, and listen as Bellamy reads you the story of Achilles’ wrath. The moon rises slowly as he reads to you, bringing more light into the room as the time passes, and it’s right overhead when he finishes the last lines with a solemn voice. “When they had heaped up the barrow they went back again into the city, and being well assembled they held a high feast in the house of Priam, their king. Thus, then, did they celebrate the funeral of Hector, tamer of horses.”

Bellamy closes the book with a snap, setting it aside as you roll over to face him, resting across his chest as you look at him in confusion. “Wait, that’s it?”

“That’s it. Was that not enough for you, la lune?”

You glare at the laughter in his tone, and he attempts to hide the smile on his face as you answer, “What about the Trojan Horse? And the end of the war?”

Bellamy shrugs, “The Iliad was always about Achilles’ rage and the consequences of it. I guess Homer didn't think the rest of it was important.”

“Bummer.”

Bellamy laughs at the genuine disappointment in your voice, readjusting so he can place a kiss on your forehead. “If you want, I can get Niylah to keep an eye out for more historical books. She’s pretty good at finding them.”

“That would be great.”

He smiles at you, “Good. Now go to sleep, we have a lot to do tomorrow.”

He turns and blows out the candles beside your bed before the two of you adjust and get comfortable, falling asleep in each other’s arms. The last thing you think before sleep overtakes you, is that this sure beats sleeping in a tree. 

-

1 year after Transcendence

You stand in the kitchen directing Clarke, Madi, Bellamy, and Octavia on different tasks. “Madi, you and Clarke work on the vegetables.”

“Bellamy, you cut up the beef, and Octavia you’ll cut up the pork.” You slide your cutting board towards you, chicken laid out on top of it. “I’ll take care of the chicken.”

Everyone takes their directions, asking you for approval every few minutes, making sure everything seems right as you rely on your memory for how to make Sancocho Trifásico. You carve the chicken into bite size pieces, using your Grounder knife to do it. You haven't used the knife to take a human life in over a year. Little do you know, you’ll never use the knife to take another human life again. The Grounder knife eventually becomes a knife, the way it should, and Wanlida becomes a distant memory. She’s only ever mentioned in stories now, memories, the nickname never again used. You’re thankful for that.

And as you sit preparing dinner with some of your favorite people, it’s easy to forget all the messed up things you’ve done. It’s easy to forget that you’ve killed people, hurt people, fought in more battles and wars than one person ever should. You’ve lied and kept secrets, betrayed people. You’ve done a lot of bad in life. But here, among your family, those closest to you, none of that matters, because they’re messed up too. All of you have done terrible things, usually to save the ones you love, and you’ve all been forgiven for that. You’ve all forgiven each other for the betrayals and secrets and fights. And what was once two sets of killer siblings, is now just one big family. Happy, at peace, able to rest for the first time in your lives. 

You look around the table, not seeing Wanheda, Heda, Blodreina, Wanlida, or the man that slaughtered a Grounder Army. Instead, you see your twin, your niece, your sister, and your husband, all of you laughing as you exchange stories, preparing dinner and living a life drastically different from the one you used to live. 

A while later, after the Sancocho Trifásico has had time to cook and the flavors have had time to intertwine, the five of you sit down around the table, bowls in hand. Before you start to eat, you lift your cup and announce. “To those we have lost, and those that aren’t here with us today. To Gabriel.”

Everyone repeats, “To Gabriel,” toasting the man that taught you the recipe you’re all about to dig into. Once you finish your toast, everyone takes their first bite of the meal, a collective moan of delight rippling through your group. There’s a chorus of compliments around the table, everyone praising each other’s contributions, before Madi looks around at all of you and says, “We should make this a monthly thing. Once a month, no matter how busy we are, we all meet up for dinner.”

Everyone nods in agreement, and Octavia adds, “And we can invite the others: Raven, Echo, Hope, Murphy, Emori, Jackson, Miller, Gaia, Indra, Niylah, and Levitt.”

“We can switch houses so the burden never falls on just one person to host. And maybe we can all bring dishes to eat.” They all nod at your suggestion, and you say, “All those in favor, raise your hand.”

Five hands go up around the table, everyone united on Madi’s idea. You nod once, announcing, “Well, that's that. Let the new family dinner tradition begin.”

-

1 year, 3 months after Transcendence

You drag the cart full of fruit behind you, straight into the green glow of the Anomaly, stepping into the palace of Sanctum. 

Normally, you would just drop the fruit off in the palace and head back to Earth, but you have a stack of Intergalactic Council papers to sort through and sign off on, and you’re eager to procrastinate the task. So instead, you bring the cart out of the palace and down to the tavern, stepping inside behind a group of patrons. Jae looks your way as you walk towards the bar, and he smiles and calls out your name. You wave and point to the cart behind you. “I come bearing gifts!”

“We’ve been eagerly awaiting the next shipment from your garden! The last batch went pretty fast.”

You smile at him, proud that everyone seems to enjoy the food from your garden. “I’m glad you liked it! I’ll try to double up on the next batch for you.”

Jae winks, “We’d really appreciate that.”

As you start to unload the fruit into the various baskets around the bar, he looks up from the glass he’s cleaning, a look of realization on his face. “Oh! The last time Niylah was here, she said you guys were looking for old books or anything about history. We found a few things in the library and when we were cleaning out the palace. We put them up in your old room.”

“Thanks, Jae.”

“No problem. I think there are some old magazines too. The news is outdated, but it might be good if you're using them to teach Earth history to the young ones.”

“That’ll be great, I’ll go check them out.” You finish unloading the fruit and leave your cart downstairs as you head towards the stairs. You take them two at a time, turning and heading towards your old room. You smile as you approach the closed door, remembering the last time you were here nearly a year ago, before your wedding. You step inside the old room, your eyes immediately falling on the stacks of books and magazines on the bed, and you can immediately tell that even with your cart, you won't be able to carry all of these back in one trip. You decide to sort through them now and grab the ones that you think Bellamy will like.

You find the Aeneid by Virgil, Metamorphoses by Ovid, The Divine Comedy by Dante, and Paradise Lost by Milton, among others. You gather the books and start to stand, intending to take them and leave, until one of the magazines on the top of the pile catches your eye. It’s a Time Magazine, and normally you wouldn't have paid it any mind, but the front is a picture of a ship overflowing with people, hundreds if not thousands of them. The title reads: “The Battle of San Francisco, humanitarian disaster.” Beneath it, in a smaller print, is a subheading: “Charmaine Diyoza: terrorist or freedom fighter?”

You gasp a little, dropping the books in your hands and reaching out for the magazine, flipping it open to the table of contents. You scroll your finger down the page, reading each blurb until you find the one you're interested in about Diyoza, page 52. You frantically flip the pages, finally landing on a full page picture of Diyoza. You gasp a little when you see it. She looks only a few years older than Hope, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. She’s covered in dirt and blood, and her clothes look like a torn military uniform. There is no scar on her neck, her own SEAL team yet to come after her, and her mouth is open in a yell. You can tell from the ferocity of her expression that she’s giving orders, directing the refugees of San Francisco onto an aircraft carrier as others in the background shove the helicopters overboard.  

Honestly, she looks beautiful, and terrifying, and commanding, and all you can think is that Hope has to have this. She lost her mom in such a tragic way, and you know she still blames herself for it. Echo says that some days she doesn't even leave her bed, she just locks herself inside her room and refuses to come out for anyone. But you think that maybe having a small piece of her mother might help her. 

You sift through the rest of the magazines, finding a few more that offer pictures and stories about Diyoza, and before you know it, you have two armfuls of books and magazines to bring back to Earth with you. You manage to grab them all and carry them back down the stairs, setting them into your cart as Jae looks on with a smile. “Looks like a successful trip!”

You smile at him, truly unaware of just how much he’s helped you. “Thank you again, Jae. You can expect double the fruit when I’m here next!”

“We look forward to it!”

You wave your goodbyes to him and to Blythe Ann across the room, before wheeling your cart back to the castle and through the Anomaly to Earth. You stop by your own house since it’s on the way to Hope and Echo’s, and you drop the books and cart off before grabbing the magazines and continuing on your journey. The walk isn't far, and you mostly get to stay on the wooded path that connects nearly all of your houses. It’s a nice walk because the weather is mild, one of those early fall days where the wind is cool but the sun is warm. 

You reach Hope and Echo’s in a matter of minutes, walking through their own personal garden before knocking on the door. You only have to wait a few seconds before the door is opened and Echo smiles at you, “La lune!”

She reaches out and the two of you exchange a hug before she steps aside and motions towards the house. “Come in.”

“Thanks.” You step into their living room, looking around for any sign of the younger Diyoza. “Where’s Hope?”

Echo’s expression drops, her eyes darting to the back of the house. “It’s one of those bad days. She locked me out earlier.”

“Oh.” You feel a pang of disappointment before you hold the magazines out to Echo. “I found these, I thought she might like them.”

Echo’s face lights up as she flips through the magazines, finding the pictures of Diyoza, and she looks up at you with a smile. “You should try to give these to her, she might let you in.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, just…” She trails off, stepping into the next room to grab an apple and a cup of water off the table. “Try to get her to eat something if she lets you in.”

“I will.”

She smiles and passes the water and apple to you, along with the magazines, and you take the path back to Hope’s room, comfortable with the layout of Echo and Hope’s shared house. You knock on the door a few times with no answer, calling out your name, hoping it’s enough to get the door open. When that doesn't work, you knock again. “Hope, I have something for you.”

You wait, met by silence, before adding, “It’s about your mom.”

You're met by more silence, and you glance down the hall, where Echo stands watching, both of you looking disappointed. But then you hear the lock on the door click, and a smile graces Echo’s face before she slips away, unseen. You turn back to the door and push your way inside, your eyes landing on Hope, already curled back up in her bed. The curtains are drawn and the room is dark, none of the warm afternoon sun reaching the room. You close the door behind you, giving your eyes a second to adjust to the darkness before you cross the room and set the apple and water on the table beside her bed. 

Then, you move to the foot of her bed, sitting yourself down at the edge, keeping your voice soft when you talk to her. “I know what it’s like, you know. My dad got floated because of me. He made a deal to save my life, and I never got to thank him for it.”

You let out a shaky breath, surprised that grief still visits you, all these years later. “Anyways, I went to Sanctum today, and they had these.”

You flip the magazines open to the relevant pages, stacking them together before setting them beside you, right at her feet. Hope makes no move towards them, and she stays silent, the two of you sitting in her dark room without a word. You wait a few minutes before standing, guessing that she needs some time alone. “I’ll leave these with you. They’re yours, if you want them.”

As you start to step away, a hand reaches out and clamps down on your wrist, stopping you. You turn to look at Hope, her eyes locked on you, tears welling up in them. “Can you read them to me? The stories, I mean.”

You give her a small smile and nod your head. “Sure. You have to eat that apple though.”

Hope sits up, adjusting her position in the bed to make room for you to slide in beside her. She reaches out for the apple as you flip through the magazines, deciding to start with the Time Magazine article. You glance at Hope, and she takes a bite of the apple, bringing a smile to your face as you shift the magazine so she can see the pictures. And then, you begin to read, “Charmaine Diyoza, former NAVY Seal turned self proclaimed freedom fighter, is pictured here with the refugees of…”

-

1 year, 6 months after Transcendence

You sit in the chair in front of the mirror, checking over your appearance as Clarke carefully braids sections of your hair, tucking them out of the way for your date tonight. As she works, she muses, “Are you excited? I can’t believe it’s been a year already.”

You smile, thinking of the night you have planned for you and Bellamy. A trip to Sanctum to visit the new dance night at Jae and Blythe Ann’s tavern, followed by a moonlight picnic, like the one you used to have back at Arkadia. “Yeah, I think it’s going to be great. I hope Bellamy is surprised.”

Clarke smiles at you in the mirror. “I know he will be.”

She tucks the last few braids into place and reaches for the hair clips you wore at your wedding, arranging them in your hair as an extra touch. As she works, she asks, “What do you think of Raven?”

Your brows pull together and you try to lock eyes with her in the mirror, and you open your mouth to ask what she means. But then you see the light tint of a blush in her cheeks, her eyes avoiding yours, her tone tentative, and you suddenly realize what she means. You look away from her, back at your reflection, as you muse, “She’s pretty. Smart too. And she’s saved our asses a few dozen times, so we maybe owe her some undying gratitude.”

Clarke lets out a soft laugh before placing in the last hair clip, her eyes finally meeting yours in the mirror. “I think I’m gonna ask her out.”

“Yeah?”

She smiles, growing more confident with each passing second. “Yeah.”

You stand from your seat, turning to hug her, pulling away to smile at her and say, “I think that’s a great idea.”

“Thank you, la lune.” You have no idea what she’s thanking you for, but you know you have a reason to thank her, due to her weeks of support as you planned your first anniversary celebration with Bellamy, so you counter, “Thank you, my shining star.”

She smiles at you before grabbing your hand, tugging you towards the door. “Okay, time to go. You don't want to be late!”

You allow her to pull you out of the room and down the stairs to your waiting husband, eager to celebrate your first wedding anniversary.

-

2 years after Transcendence

You and Bellamy stalk through the woods, eyes scanning the brush around you.

He has a rifle slung over his shoulder, but he ignores it, favoring the axe in his hand to hunt with. You have your Grounder knife out, both of you tracking the boar that you can hear nearby. Somewhere up ahead, a twig breaks, and you and Bellamy turn to look at each other, eyes wide, and he nods towards it, taking the lead. You move behind him, scanning the woods around you for the wild animal, and as you do, you feel a wave of nausea pass through you. You shake your head, trying to will it away, hoping it’ll pass long enough for you to get through your hunt. But shaking your head only makes you feel worse, and suddenly feeling light headed, you pause, stilling your movements. 

It only takes a moment for Bellamy to notice your absence, and he backtracks towards you, immediately reaching out and putting his hands on your cheeks, lifting your face to look at him. “Hey, what’s going on? Why’d you stop?”

He can tell something is wrong as soon as he looks at you, a light sweat across your face despite the cool temperature, and you don't have time to answer him before you push his hands away, quickly turning to vomit. Bellamy reaches out for you, holding your hair back and putting an arm around your waist to support you, and as soon as you finish puking, you sway in his arms. You feel a rush of dizziness, and Bellamy turns you towards him again, looking you over with concern. “La lune, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“Must be a stomach bug or something. Clarke said something was going through the school last week.”

Bellamy leans down and scoops you up in his arms, and you let out a sound of protest. “Bellamy, I’m fine! I can walk.”

Bellamy shakes his head, already turning back towards the town. “I’m not taking any chances. The last stomach bug that went around took everyone out for nearly a week.”

You’re about to protest again, but Bellamy gives you one of those looks, and you know immediately that it’s a waste of time to argue with him when he’s being protective. He carries you all the way back to town, heading straight for the small clinic near the center, where Jackson works on a day to day basis. As soon as he door is open, Bellamy is yelling out, “Jackson! I need your help!”

Jackson comes running, and as soon as he catches sight of you, his expression morphs into one of deep concern. You wave him off immediately, trying to placate his worries. “I’m fine, Bellamy’s just being dramatic.”

But as soon as Bellamy puts your feet on the ground, your knees give out beneath you, and he has to quickly catch you before you hit the ground. Jackson’s concern returns, and he motions for Bellamy to follow him. “Bring her in here.”

Bellamy follows the doctor down the hall, sitting you down in a bed as Jackson turns to you. “What are your symptoms?”

“I’m feeling kind of weak and dizzy.”

Bellamy adds, “She threw up on the way here.”

Jackson hums, turning to reach for some equipment. “Could be dehydration. I wanna do some blood work on you, and if it’s dehydration, we can treat you and have you back home in a few hours.”

You nod, and Jackson readies everything to take your blood, the process going smoothly. He leaves the room with your samples, and you and Bellamy sit in there together, talking and distracting you from the worries that are threatening to take over your mind. You’re there for a few hours before Jackson comes back in, looking over his notes. “Okay, la lune, you’re definitely dehydrated, so we’re gonna get you an IV to bring those levels back up.”

You nod, about to thank him, when he flips another page, reading over a different result, and he looks up at you and Bellamy in surprise. Bellamy immediately gets worried, his voice cracking a little when he asks, “What?”

Jackson smiles, “It seems congratulations are in order. La lune, you’re pregnant.”

You let out a laugh of surprise, turning to look at Bellamy, whose mouth is dropped open in shock. As soon as you turn and lock eyes with him, you both start crying, and he dives at you, pulling you into a nearly bone crushing hug. He tucks his head into the crook of your shoulder, and you can hear him muttering through his tears, “Oh my god. We’re gonna be parents. I’m gonna be a dad.”

His voice cracks on the word, and you pull away, looking your husband in the face and giving him a watery smile. “You’re going to be the best dad.”

“You’re going to be the best mom.”

He pulls you in for another hug, both of you laughing with disbelief, tears still streaming down your faces. Your joy is overwhelming, though your worries are already beginning to creep in, despite just finding out the news. Because now you have to carry a baby. And raise it. And try not to fuck it up. And it’s overwhelming to think about, but Bellamy's presence is reassuring. Because you know that no matter what, he’ll be there. For you, the baby, your family. Bellamy will always be there.

Especially now, because you’re a mother.

And he’s a father.

And the Blake family is growing by one.

-

2 years, 6 months after Transcendence

Bellamy comes running into your bedroom, a bag in his hand. “I got them!”

You sit up in the bed and smile, and he collapses into the bed beside you, pulling open the bag to reveal a collection of fresh baked cookies, courtesy of Jae. You’re 6 months pregnant, and it’s the only thing that you, your body, and the baby are craving. And Bellamy, the angel that he is, is more than happy to make the trip to Sanctum to grab them for you. You’d go yourself, but Bellamy is very protective and insists on doing nearly everything for you. At first you tried to fight him on it, but eventually you gave in and allowed him to protect you in the way that he so desperately desires.

And now, the two of you lay in bed eating cookies, your shirt pulled up to reveal your round belly. Bellamy finishes his cookie and leans forward, pressing a kiss to your stomach before he whispers, “Hey there, little guy. It’s your dad. I just wanted to tell you that me and your mom love you so much. In fact, we love you to the moon and back again, can you believe it?”

You smile as you watch him, Bellamy already the attentive father that he never had growing up. And he's not the only one that’s attentive and protective of you. All of your family has turned out to be the same way. Clarke, Raven, and Madi come over nearly everyday. Octavia and Levitt bring food by every few days, sometimes with Murphy and an again pregnant Emori, who offers you and Bellamy first time parenting tips. Echo and Hope keep an eye on your garden, and Jackson has even taken to making house calls. You think it’s because your pregnancy is reminding him more and more of your mom, and when she was pregnant with you and Clarke, so you don't argue. Instead, you sit back and accept the doting, aware that everyone means well, and is just eager to offer their love to you, Bellamy, and your growing son.

Bellamy rests his hands on your stomach, his face lighting up every time your little warrior kicks, which is starting to feel like every few minutes at this point. The two of you exchange a smile, and his hand drops to a scar on your side, the one from the assassin in Mount Weather. He traces another scar, stretched across the middle of your stomach, from the first time you met Lincoln. He traces a few more, stretched along your arms, legs, and shoulders, though he doesn't find them all. As he does, he looks up at you, his face reverent as he whispers, “It’s incredible, you know. I’ve seen your body change so much since we met, but never more than I have right now. I’ve seen you stabbed, shot, bloody, and bruised and you always came out the other side stronger. You’re so damn resilient, and now you’re carrying our child. I’m in awe of you.”

You melt, Bellamy always good at leaving you as a nearly incoherent puddle of emotions. You smile at him, motioning for him to come closer, “C’mere.”

He smiles and moves back up the bed towards you, dipping his head to kiss you until you're breathless. The two of you smile as he pulls away, both of you high off your happiness. You've definitely had your struggles in your pregnancy, but moments like this have made it worth it. And you just know that meeting your son will make it all worth it too. 

Bellamy settles onto the bed beside you, pulling you into his arms, offering you another cookie as the two of you stretch out beneath your skylight, searching the stars. He’s quiet for a minute, before he says, “I’ve been thinking about names.”

You glance up at him, expression curious. “Yeah?”

“I know we haven't found anything we really love yet, so I started thinking about the things we love the most: the stars and history. And then, I remembered the first constellation you ever told me about, Orion. I thought that might be a nice name.”

Your face lights up as soon as he says it, and you smile at him. “I think that’s a really good name.”

He smiles at you before continuing, “For history, there was a Roman emperor named Alexander.”

“Orion Alexander Blake.” Your smile grows, knowing immediately that it's perfect. “I love it.”

He looks down at you, a big smile on his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You feel a kick in your stomach, strong enough that Bellamy can feel it too, and you both look down at your stomach with a smile. “I think Orion likes it too.”

Bellamy’s smile grows larger, and he shifts his gaze from your stomach to your eyes. “Orion Alexander it is.”

-

2 years, 9 months after Transcendence

You stand in the kitchen, peering into your cabinets for something to eat while Bellamy waits for you in the other room, studying a chess board. 

He was adamant on getting up to get the snack for you, but you insisted on getting it yourself, not quite sure what you want. And as you stand there deciding, you feel a trickle of water run down your leg. Your stomach drops, already aware of what’s happening, but you look down anyways, confirming what you already guessed.

Your water just broke.

You keep your voice calm as you call out, “Bell!”

He immediately comes running, his face contorted with worry. “What’s wrong?”

He sees you standing in the kitchen, looking at him with wide eyes, and he immediately understands what’s going on. “I’ll get the bag and get the rover started. You go change.”

You hurry to your bedroom the best you can and change quickly, before heading out of the house and into the rover where Bellamy is waiting. His grip on the steering wheel is tight, and you know he’s just as nervous as you are, if not more. As he puts the vehicle into drive, you reach out and place a comforting hand on his thigh. “We’re gonna be okay.”

He puts his hand on top of yours, turning to glance at you quickly with a smile. “I think I’m the one that’s supposed to be comforting you right now.”

“I’m fine.”

But as soon as you say it, the contractions begin.

It takes your breath away, and Bellamy keeps looking at you with worry. “La lune, are you okay?”

You breathe through the pain, relieved when it stops, and you turn to give your husband your most reassuring smile. “I’m okay. The contractions are starting.”

The drive to the clinic isn’t long, but you’re thankful for the rover, gifted to you and Bellamy by the others just a few days prior. The two of you live further out than anyone else, and everyone was worried about how you’d get to the clinic once you went into labor. The distance is short enough that you could have walked, but no one seemed too keen on that idea, you included. Luckily, Miller found the rover a few weeks ago, in pretty bad shape, but with the help of some Bardo tech, they got it fixed up and gifted to you before the big day. 

Bellamy pulls the rover up right outside of the clinic, quickly hurrying to the other side to help you out and into the building. The only person in the clinic right now is Niylah, who stands from the front desk as soon as she sees you. “I’ll call Jackson, pick any room!”

“Thank you, Niylah.”

Bellamy takes you to the first available room and helps you into the bed, before he works on calling Clarke and Octavia on the radioes you all set up between your houses. You try to focus on the sound of his voice as you feel another wave of contractions, and a few minutes later, Niylah comes into the room to get an IV started and let you know that Jackson is on the way. He arrives quickly, and so does Clarke, Raven, Madi, Octavia, and Levitt. Everyone crowds in your room and helps to distract you from the increasing amount of pain you’re feeling, until Jackson finally says that it’s time for you to push. He kicks everyone out, except for Niylah and Bellamy, and he turns to you with a smile. “Okay, we’re gonna push now, are you ready?”

You nod weakly, getting worried before you turn to Bellamy. He reaches out to take your hand, smiling softly at you as he whispers, “You’re the strongest person I know, la lune. You can do this.”

And then you push.

Before you know it, a sharp cry cuts through the room, and you sag with relief, well aware that your son has entered the world. Bellamy cuts the umbilical cord and Jackson and Niylah take your son away, cleaning him up and checking him over. Bellamy presses a flurry of kisses to your face, whispering between each one. “I’m so proud of you. You did so amazing, natshana. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

You smile up at him, feeling the energy drain from your body as your adrenaline starts to fade, but in this moment, you are so unbelievably happy. Jackson brings your baby over to you and Bellamy, putting him into your waiting arms. You and Bellamy crouch together, looking down at your son and his tiny nose and tiny ears and tiny hands. You look over at your husband, both of you smiling, and you whisper, “Do you want to hold him?”

Bellamy nods, his smile growing even brighter, into one of those rare ones you treasure so much. It melts your heart as you pass Orion into his arms, Bellamy holding him so tenderly, so carefully. He smiles down at the bundle in his arms, tears springing to his eyes as he whispers, “Hey Orion, it’s dad. I’m so happy that you’re finally here. Me and your mom have been waiting so long to meet you. I love you to the moon and back again, and I’ll always be here to keep you safe.”

You look at Bellamy and Orion, your heart so full of love. At this moment, you’re not sure your life could be any better than it is right now. You have no idea just how wrong you are. 

-

3 years after Transcendence 

Your dazzling little sun comes to see you nearly every day now.

Correction, she comes to see Orion nearly every day. She comes over in the late afternoon, after his nap and before his dinner, to visit and play with him. Sometimes she brings Clarke, sometimes she brings Luca, but mostly she comes alone. You and Bellamy welcome the visit, Madi’s babysitting giving the two of you a little break to rest or work on dinner. 

Today, she comes alone, knocking on the door softly, but full of excitement. You pull the door open to her smiling face, and she pulls you in for a quick hug before barreling past you, into the living room where Orion and Bellamy now play. You close the door and quickly follow her, stepping into the living room to find your husband picking up Orion with a smile, both of them turning to greet Madi. Orion lets out an incoherent babble of happy sounds, and Bellamy nods and mutters, “Yeah, what he said.”

Madi looks between you and Bellamy, a big smile on her face. “I made Orion something.”

“Yeah?”

She reaches into her jacket, pulling out a thick bound book. You all step closer to her as she flips open the first page. “It’s his own sketchbook of stories. Some of them are yours and Clarke’s, some are mine, but some are from the others too. Eligius, Sanctum, Wonkru, Bardo. I interviewed everyone and drew what they described so that I could pass it onto Orion.”

She passes the sketchbook to you, and you flip through a few pages, Bellamy peering over your shoulder. You look up at your niece, equal parts touched and impressed. “Madi, these are incredible!”

“Thank you.”

Bellamy adds, “La lune’s right, these are amazing. Plus, Orion loves storytime.”

Madi looks at him, hopeful. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Can I read him something now?”

Bellamy nods, passing Orion into her outstretched arms. “Of course. Though, maybe hold off on the violent stories for now.”

She smiles, settling into one of the chairs with Orion in her arms, and you put the book in her lap as she looks up at you with thanks. “I’ve got a good story in mind.”

As you and Bellamy start to step out of the room and towards the kitchen to get a few things done, you hear Madi begin, “Orion, this is the story of your parents. They met on this spaceship in the sky, called the Ark, and…”

-

4 years, 2 months after Transcendence 

You hear a knock on your bedroom door, and you tug your shirt down over your head before yelling, “Come in!”

The door swings open, and Octavia stands in the doorway, a big smile on her face. “Hi, sister.”

You smile back, “Hi, trouble.”

“Trouble?” She scrunches her nose and you let out a laugh before you explain, “Bellamy told me that you put all the kids’ hands in warm water at nap time. He said he was changing kids for an hour.”

She tries to hold back a laugh, but fails, “Oops.”

“Oops is right.”

You cross the room towards each other, and she pulls you in for a hug, leaning back after a moment to inspect your outfit. “That’s what you’re wearing to date night?”

You look down at your clothes, pants, a long sleeve shirt, and some boots, and look back up at Octavia, your voice a skeptical, “Yes?”

She shakes her head. “I know you’ve been married for a few years, but this is awful.”

You balk at her, but she waves off your indignation, turning to grab a bag that she dropped near the door. “Lucky for you, I already anticipated this being a problem, so I brought you this.”

She pulls a top out of the bag, red, velvety, and dressier than anything you’ve worn since having Orion. You look at it with skepticism, but Octavia holds up her hand. “Before you protest, at least try it on first.”

“Fine.”

You take the top from her hand and quickly change into it, turning to look in the mirror as you do. And even though you’re still wearing your usual pants and boots, you already look way better than you did a few moments before. Octavia steps up behind you, pulling your hair out of its ponytail, freeing your hair and looking at you in the mirror. You look at yourself, shocked, not used to seeing yourself dressed up these days. Octavia smiles at you in the mirror. “I mean, you looked great before, you always do, but now you look hot.”

You laugh turning to press an appreciative kiss to her cheek. “Thank you, Octavia.”

“It’s always my pleasure.” She turns and motions to the door. “Now, go! Bellamy is waiting for you.”

You smile at her, both of you walking to the door together. “Thanks again for babysitting Orion.”

“There’s nothing I love more than visiting my nephew.”

You walk past the living room, where Levitt is sitting with your son, and the two of you exchange a greeting before you continue on to the door. You try to remind Octavia of Orion's bedtime schedule, but she shakes her head, pushing you out of your now open door. “There are no rules with Aunty O.”

You sigh and she smiles, hugging you one last time before closing the door in your face. You roll your eyes and turn, starting to walk down your porch, looking for your husband. But instead of finding Bellamy, you see a path of candles, leading you into the woods near your house, lighting the way through the rapidly darkening night. You follow the candles with a smile on your face, which only grows larger when you see what’s at the end of the path. 

Bellamy, standing beside a blanket, a spread of food and candles beside him. He grins when he sees you, eyes raking up and down your body with appreciation. “You look beautiful, Mrs. Blake, as always. More radiant than the moon.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blake.”

You reach him, and he pulls you in for a kiss, slow and sweet, and when the two of you break apart, you’re both smiling. You turn to look at the blanket, taking in the bowls of fruit and cookies spread across it. “And what’s this?”

“A picnic, like we had in Arkadia. Back when life was all about spying, Grounders, and Pike.”

You turn back to him, “Do you miss it?”

He shakes his head, taking your hand and guiding you down onto the blanket. “Not at all. I’m glad it led us to this moment, this life, but I wouldn't trade any of this right now for anything.”

“Me either.”

The two of you sit talking and eating and laughing, enjoying your date night together, enjoying each other’s presence. And later, after you’ve eaten one too many cookies, and Bellamy’s had a little too much Jo Juice, he looks at you, taking your hand. “Tell me about the stars?”

Normally, it’s a request that comes when he’s upset or angry or looking for a distraction. But now it is one of curiosity, and love, your husband eager to just listen to the sound of your voice. So you smile at him, and answer, “Of course.”

You lift your gaze to the sky, searching for one you haven’t told yet, your eyes finally landing on one overhead. You point it out and begin, “That’s Perseus. I’m sure you know a little about him already.”

Bellamy nods, confirming he does, but he makes no move to stop you, wanting to hear the story from you anyways. You continue, “Perseus and his mother, Danae, were locked in a box by his grandfather and thrown into the sea to drown. But instead of sinking, the box floated, carrying Danae and baby Perseus to a different country. They were greeted by the king of the new land, Polydectes, who immediately fell in love with Danae. But she refused to marry him, claiming she wanted to focus on raising Perseus instead. When Perseus was a young man, Polydectes hatched up a plan that would get him out of his hair so he could marry Danae. He tricked Perseus into agreeing to the mission, which was to slay the gorgon Medusa and bring back her head as proof. Polydectes was sure that Perseus would be killed and he would be able to marry Danae with ease, because Medusa had hair made of snakes, which turned anyone that looked at her into stone.”

Bellamy smiles at you, and you smile back, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead before you continue, “The next day, as Perseus began his mission, he sang songs to welcome the rising sun, which pleased the gods. Because of this, they decided to help him on his quest. The goddess Athena gave him a gold shield that he could look into, to avoid being turned to stone but still see what he was doing. Hermes gave him a pair of sandals that would help him move quickly, along with a new moon sword that was sharp enough to cut off Medusa’s head. Armed with these gifts, and a special sack to put Medusa’s head in, Perseus went to the cave of the gorgons and killed Medusa, putting her head into the bag and returning home. On his way home, he came across Andromeda, who was chained to a rock and being offered to a sea monster.”

Bellamy gasps a little, adding dramatic effect to your story, and you roll your eyes at him, pretending to be annoyed. “Luckily for Andromeda, Perseus used Medusa’s head to turn the monster to stone, saving her. She was so grateful she decided to marry him, and the pair continued back to Perseus’ home. They made it just in time to stop the wedding of Danae and Poydectes, which was being forced on Perseus’ mother. He used Medusa’s head to turn the king and his wedding guests to stone, saving his mother in the process. After that, it’s said that Perseus lived for a long time, happily married, and he eventually became king of Mycenae, which he founded. After he died, Zeus put him in the stars, alongside his wife Andromeda.”

Bellamy smiles, squeezing your hand a little. “I hope I get to be by your side in the stars.”

“Me too.” You're quiet for a minute, thinking before you muse, “I guess in a way, you are like Perseus. You’ve definitely slayed your fair share of gorgons and monsters, and you saved me.”

“Does that make me a king?”

You laugh, “Maybe not officially, but you’ll always be a king to me.”

Bellamy smiles at you, tugging you down into a kiss. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

-

8 years after Transcendence

You peer up from your papers and to the late afternoon sun, enjoying the feel of it on your skin. 

It’s the first time you’ve had quiet for a while, as Orion has just reached an age where he’s old enough to go to the school in town during the day. Before that, he stayed at home with you, making it pretty difficult for you to get any real work done while he was awake and playing. But you’re glad you got the time with him, your favorite little carbon copy of Bellamy. He looks just like him, dark, curly hair, a face full of freckles, a bright smile. But he acts just like you, and you can see so much of your personality in him already.

You shake your head, trying to clear the distraction from your brain, giving yourself a wave of nausea instead. You have just enough time to push your papers out of the way before you turn and puke. Your brows pull together, wondering what that could be about, until you remember your pregnancy with Orion. 

And how you found out.

You gather your things and quickly stuff them inside your pack, glad that you’re already in town and not far from Jackson’s clinic. He’s in the lobby, talking to one of the nurses in training when you walk in. He looks up at you with a smile, his gaze questioning. “La lune, what brings you here?”

“I think I might be pregnant.”

Jackson’s eyes go wide and he motions for you to follow him. “Let’s go find out for sure.”

You follow him back into one of the rooms and he draws some blood, returning not long later to inform you that you are indeed pregnant. You let out a surprised little laugh, and Jackson asks, “We can do an ultrasound right now, if you want. Or you can wait for Bellamy.”

You’re about to say you want to wait for Bellamy, but then you think it might be a nice surprise to have an ultrasound picture to show him when you announce the news. “Let’s do one now.”

“Great.”

He takes you into a separate room, pulling out a machine and moving it over your stomach, searching for the baby and its heartbeat. After a moment, he finds it, the heartbeat thudding rhythmically, bringing you a sense of peace. But as Jackson shifts, his eyes go wide, and he whispers, “Oh my god.”

The words send alarm bells off in your head, and you look at him with fear. “What? What is it?”

“You’re having twins.”

You look at him with shock. “What?”

He turns to you with a smile, pointing out the two little blobs on the screen. “It looks like you’re having twins!”

You laugh with disbelief, tears pricking your eyes. “Oh my god. Bellamy’s gonna flip.”

Jackson prints a picture of the ultrasound for you, both of your little babies visible, so you can bring it home to Bellamy. He sends you on your way with a few vitamins and a big piece of news. You practically run the whole way home, excited that Bellamy is already there when you arrive. You come into the house in a flurry of excitement, unable to contain it, and Bellamy looks at you with amusement. “What?”

You can see Orion playing nearby, clearly distracted, so you turn to your husband and say, “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

He gives you a weird look, but he complies anyways, holding out his hands for you. You place the ultrasound picture onto his palms, and say, “Open.”

He opens his eyes, and looks down at the picture in surprise, his face instantly lighting up and he turns to you. “You’re pregnant?”

You nod, your face split into a grin, and you motion to the picture. “Look closer.”

Bellamy looks down at the picture again, his eyes finding the two arrows that point to each baby. His mouth drops open in shock, and he looks up at you with wide eyes. “Are you...is this…”

You finish for him, “Twins!”

“Oh my god.” You laugh at the fact that you, Jackson, and Bellamy all had the same reaction, and Bellamy laughs too, happy. He reaches out and scoops you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your lips. From across the room, your son sees you, and he pulls himself to his feet, proclaiming, “I want a kiss too!” 

You and Bellamy pull away, smiling at each other before he leans down and picks up Orion, lifting him in his arms. Both of you press a kiss to his cheeks, and he laughs, delighted, before you pull away and say, “Hey buddy, we have some news…”

-

15 years after Transcendence

You finish up with the paperwork in front of you, looking up to glance at the clock.

“Is it 3 already?”

Madi looks up in surprise, glancing at the clock too. “I guess so.”

You stand from your seat, stretching before you reach out for your bag and start to pack your things inside. “I’ve gotta go. The twins requested that I walk home with them today so they can show me their favorite tree to play in.”

Madi smiles, shaking her head a little. “They’re so cute.” She stands and starts to pack her own bag, glancing at you in between. “I’ll go with you. Luca has to work late tonight, and I promised I’d pick up Abigail from daycare.”

“Perfect.”

As the two of you grab your bags and head towards the door, Clarke comes tearing inside, looking between you both. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, we have to go get the kids.”

Clarke smiles at the mention of her nieces, nephew, and adopted granddaughter. “I want to come. The council can wait until tomorrow.”

“That’s the spirit!” 

You all laugh as Clarke runs to grab her things, glad that your twin is deciding to join you and Madi today. She works so hard all of the time, and she takes her job as Intergalactic Chancellor very seriously. Sometimes Raven comes to eat dinner with you and Bellamy, because Clarke is working late and she doesn't want to be alone. You’re always happy to welcome her, the woman becoming so much like a sister to you over this last decade. 

As you, Clarke, and Madi make the walk down to the school, you can't help but think about everything that’s happened just with the three of you. Clarke and Raven are now married, and have been for a few years. Madi married Luca a couple of years ago and they have a child together, a three year old girl named Abigail, named after your mother. You and Bellamy haven't had any more kids after the twins, Selene Ara and Helen Carina, each named after a woman from a Greek myth and a constellation. They’re now 7 and still very identical, looking just like you and Clarke did as kids. They have Bellamy’s soft heart and kind spirit, and you love them more with each passing day. 

Orion is now 12, the same age Madi was when she became Commander, a burden that you can't believe you allowed your niece to take on. Because now, every time you look down at Orion, you can't imagine putting something like that on him. And Clarke’s reaction to your betrayal makes much more sense to you now. In the moment, you were so focused on saving her, that you allowed Madi to take on more than she should have. Though everything has long since been forgiven, it’s something you think about often. 

Still, walking between Madi and Clarke, you’re in awe of the women they’ve both become. They inspire you every day to be a better wife, mother, and woman, and you’re so grateful to have them in your life. 

It’s not long before the three of you arrive at the school, the door and windows to the building all thrown open to allow the influx of cool afternoon air inside. The three of you stop just outside the door to the building, watching as Bellamy sits surrounded by all of the kids inside. Your kids, Miller and Jackson’s, Murphy and Emori, Hope and Jordan’s daughter, Echo’s son, all of them spread out around Bellamy. Technically, the school day is over at this point, but every day after school they gather around Bellamy and he tells them all a story from your collective history. The kids love it, all of them proclaiming it their favorite class of the day, and it’s easily won Bellamy the title of ‘favorite history teacher ever’, something he proudly reminds you of on a weekly basis.

But you’re happy that he’s so happy, so at peace. He hasn't picked up a gun in years, not even to hunt, and he hasn't fought anyone in twice as long. And he's more than happy to teach history to the kids every day, and share stories of your history, before coming home to a house full of laughter and love. As he finishes his story about the 100’s first day on the ground (the kids favorite), his eyes lift to you, sensing your presence. He smiles at you and wraps up the story, looking over all of the kids. “That’s it for today!”

They all groan, wanting another story, and Bellamy smiles as he shakes his head. “Maybe, if all of you are really good this week, I’ll tell you two stories on Friday.”

They all clap with excitement before breaking away and grabbing their bags, turning and running to the door, where the rest of their parents, your friends, stand waiting. The twins come running at you as soon as they see you, and you pick one up in each arm for a quick hug. “Mommy, you came!”

You smiled down at Selene, “Of course, I came! I can't wait to see your favorite tree.”

Bellamy walks over then, baby Abigail in his arms, fast asleep. He passes her to Madi, who takes her with a smile of thanks, before he turns to greet you with a kiss. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Hi handsome.”

He smiles and presses a kiss to Clarke and Madi’s cheek, greeting them both. Orion is the last to join your group, giving you a hug as he reaches you. “Hi mom.”

“Hi baby.” You hug him back, glad he’s still at that age where he wants to hug his mom, and then all of you turn and head out the door. Bellamy locks up the school behind him, before he takes each of the twin’s hands in his own. Orion grabs Clarke’s hand, and you smile at them as they walk slightly ahead of you, talking all things medical. You turn and look at your husband, walking with your daughters, and your smile grows, reminded of how grateful you are to have this family and live this life.

-

50 years after Transcendence

You and Clarke step out onto her porch, cups of tea in hand. You both walk over to the chairs she has waiting, sliding into one of the seats, situated one beside the other. You’re silent, your relationship long past the point where you have to fill the silence, more than content to sit side by side, saying nothing. You’re both well into your 70’s by now, Clarke’s blonde hair faded to a pale gray, yours doing the same. Her hands and face are wrinkled, but her smile is just as bright and her mind is just as sharp as it was 50 years ago. 

And as you take a sip of your tea, she hums, “I’m going to resign as Chancellor next week.”

You turn to her with a look of surprise, “Really?”

You had retired a few years ago, along with Bellamy, but Clarke hadn’t. You were convinced she’d work up until the day she died. “Yeah, I just don't have as much patience for it these days. I’ve been doing it nearly 50 years at this point, and I’m ready to step back, pass the torch on to someone else.”

You nod, take another sip of your tea, and muse, “I think that'll be good for you. Spend the rest of your days with Raven and the kids and grandkids.”

She nods, and your mention of the kids reminds you of the small gift tucked into your pocket. “Oh, I have something for you.”

You pull it out and pass it to her, and she sets her tea aside to unwrap it, revealing a charm, a silver star with a gem in the middle. Clarke smiles at it, admiring it. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s from the girls. They each made one.” You pull your moon necklace from beneath your shirt, a few different charms hanging on it at this point, thanks to the many gifts you’ve received over the years. Clarke’s bracelet looks the same, now something more akin to a charm bracelet, her wrist twinkling every time she moves it. She secures the new charm to the bracelet, looking down at it with a smile. “It’s come a long way from original gifts dad gave us all those years ago.”

“Definitely.” You brush a finger over the original moon, whispering, “I wish they were here to see us. To see who we’ve become. And our families, god I wish they could meet the kids.”

“Me too. But they know, I believe that. And I know they’d be proud of you, la lune.”

You turn to her with a smile, “I know they’d be proud of you too, shining star.”

-

63 years after Transcendence

You step out of your house, welcomed by the sounds of joy and laughter. 

Your eyes roam the yard, searching for your husband, but he surprises you by calling out from beside you. “I’m right here, my love.”

You turn to see his smiling face, patting the seat beside him in the rocking chair on your porch. You smile and move to sit next to him, the two of you softly swinging as you look out into the yard. Gathered there are your friends, kids, grandkids, and your first grandkid, a boy named Jake. As you look out at your large family, Bellamy grabs your hand and squeezes it gently. “This is what I always dreamed of. When I wrote you that note, back before we even knew about Praimfaya, this is what I wanted for us. A big family, full of kids and grandkids, all of them a product of our love. I wanted to live the rest of my life with you by my side.”

You turn to smile at your husband, pressing a kiss to his ageing face. “That’s all I ever wanted my love, and you made my dreams come true. I’ve gotten to live a full life with you, and I wouldn't trade a second of it for anything.”

Bellamy whispers, “Me either.”

The two of you turn back to look at the scene in front of you. Echo is out in the yard, braiding flowers into some of the girls’ hair, and Hope is helping her, reminding you of your days on Skyring. Gaia is sitting with Madi, the two women still close after all these years. Murphy and Emori are playing with the youngest grandkids, always so full of energy when it comes to the kids. Their own seven children gave them 15 grandchildren, and a handful of great grandchildren. Echo only ever had one son, with a man from Wonkru named Michael. Hope and Jordan have two kids, one son and one daughter, and Madi and Luca have three kids of their own. Octavia and Levitt, and Clarke and Raven all decided to remain childfree, choosing instead to be the best aunts and uncle a family could ever ask for. They’ve spoiled your kids more than even you have. Miller and Jackson have a few kids of their own, thanks to the tech on Bardo, and they just welcomed their first great grandchild around the same time you and Bellamy did. 

Your own son brought home a man of his own a few years ago, one he met while studying in Bardo. They both became doctors and remain childfree, but they spoil their nieces and nephews from the children your twins had. Helen married one of Murphy and Emori’s sons, making you related to the cockroach, and they had five kids of their own, including a set of twins, identical boys. Selene married a woman from Sanctum, and they created their own family with Bardo tech, welcoming two kids together. One of Selene’s daughters gave birth to your first grandkid, Jake, who is asleep in his mother’s arms, sitting out in the open air.

And now, sitting on your porch, your hand held tight in Bellamy’s, you can't help but reflect on your life as a whole. You spent the first almost 18 years of your life thinking that you would never see the Ark beyond the walls of your room. You thought you’d live and die in the same room with your parents, and that you’d never make friends, never fall in love. Then Shumway came along. In the moment, you were sure that he ruined your life. But your dad made a deal to have himself floated, just to save you and give you a chance to live beyond the life you had dreamed. Living without your dad was difficult, but it gave you the chance to go to the ground, and it gave you the opportunity to meet Bellamy. 

Your life changed after that.

Meeting your soulmate is one of those experiences that you can't describe to others. You can try, but they’ll only understand when they meet their own soulmate. Until then, they can try to understand your words and hope one day that they’ll get it. But if you had to try explaining the feeling, you’d say that it feels like falling. It’s a rush, and your stomach drops, but you know someone is there to catch you. Raven always says it’s like spacewalking. Tethered to a ship, the only thing between you and the endless universe is this small space suit. That space suit is love, protecting you from the dangers of space, while also allowing you to explore it. 

But no matter how you describe it, it's magical. 

It’s life changing, and even if you hate your soulmate at first, the way that you and Bellamy did, there will always be that inexplicable pull to each other. Half the time you followed him out into the woods, you never knew why. You just knew that you had too. But now, you get it. You know it’s because he is a part of you, part of your soul, and you can't resist the pull to him even if you wanted to. And from that pull came love. A kiss in the middle of a battlefield, a proposal while chained up in a cave, a wedding after saving the human race (again). Three kids, seven grandkids, and one great grandkid, all a product of your love.

You’re not sure you would have believed that this would be your future if someone had told you back then. Back when life was all about Grounders, fighting, Mountain Men, and war, you would have never thought that peace was possible. But it is, and you and everyone you know and love has spent the last 63 years proving that it is. The alien species that created the stones leaves you alone, allowing the remaining survivors of the human race to just be. They seem to have no interest in any of you beyond the few that choose to transcend when they turn 25. 

You are suddenly pulled out of your thoughts by someone yelling, “Nana luney!”

You smile, turning your focus to the voice, your eyes landing on one of Miller’s grandkids, David. He smiles at you, waving you over, “Come tell us a star story!”

You glance at Bellamy and he grins at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Duty calls.”

You stand and start to walk over to the gathering group, only to be stopped by Selene, who calls from inside the house, “Time to eat!”

The kids all groan, and you smile at them. “I’ll tell you one after dinner, I promise.”

They smile and all run into the house, grabbing their plates and returning outside. Orion brings a plate for you and Bellamy, helping you both down the stairs and into the grass with the others. You’re having one of your first nice days in weeks, and everyone agreed that they wanted to eat outside. Someone set up blankets and tables for those who need it, but you feel good enough to plop down on a pillow beside Bellamy, Clarke, and Raven. 

Once everyone has gotten their plates and returned outside, you begin the dinner the same way you have every month for the last 63 years: with a toast. Bellamy lifts his cup, looking over the many faces gathered there. “To those we have lost, and those that aren’t here with us today.”

You know everyone is thinking of those that have passed in the last few years: Indra and Niylah, Jae and Blythe Ann, Jackson. Losses that affect each of you when they occur, every one of you so close after everything you’ve endured together. Still, all of you have promised to celebrate their lives and not mourn their deaths, so you lift your glasses and repeat, “To those we have lost, and those that aren’t here with us today.”

Everyone drinks, honoring those that are absent, hoping that they’re somewhere in the stars watching, smiling at the tradition that has never died.

-

67 years after Transcendence

The gods look down at the devoted couple, held tight in each other’s arms, both of them taking their last breaths together. And as the couple passes on, the gods exchange a look, tears present in some of their eyes. “It was a love story for the ages.”

“A privileged, invisible twin falling for the demoted guard that only ever tried to do right by his little sister. A love that was felt across the Universe as we all watched on, rooting for them. A love that crossed the stars and left their mark on multiple planets, and a moon. I think there’s only one place for them.”

The god gives the other a surprised look. “Do you think so?”

“They belong in the stars. They always have.”

“Then it must be so. Let it be known that we have an 89th constellation being created: The Lovers.”

Year round The Lovers shine down on Earth, reminding all those they left behind of the power of their love. They live on as legends, their story told for generations to come. As a kid, you never thought you’d be up among the stars, your life told as a story, the same way your father told you the stories of countless others. But because of Bellamy and your unforgettable love for each other, you become part of history forever. 

And it all started over 200 years ago, on a dying spaceship floating over the Earth, when a cocky ex-guard came running down the abandoned halls of the Ark, finding you held tight in Shumway’s arms.

Thus beginning a love story that would span from this lifetime, and into the next.

Forever. 

-

Fin.

-

One 68 page outline, 14 pages of written notes, 3 maps, and 2 calendars later, we did it!!! That’s it, my friends. That’s a wrap. It’s insane to think that I sat down in January of 2020 and decided to write a 7 season, 101 chapter rewrite. It’s insane to think that I actually did it. This journey has been so wonderful. I have learned so much, had so much fun, and truly grown from writing this monster of a series. But more than anything, I’m fucking grateful. I have met so many lovely people through this series, made so many incredible friends, read so many kind comments and messages. And I just gotta say: thank you. Thank you to those that have been there since I posted 1.01 all those months ago. Thank you to those of you that showed up later, throughout the seasons. Thank you to all of the binge readers, the weekly readers, and those of you that commented on every upload. Thank you to everyone who ever sent me a message or ask or commented. Thank you to the quiet readers too, the ones that have enjoyed sub rosa silently. Fanfiction is an escape for so many of us, and I'll never judge the way that you consume content. So even if we’ve never interacted or talked before, but you took the time to read this series, then thank you!!!

I have more projects planned and more series coming out, including a sub rosa au mini series, another Bellamy x reader series, and others! I’m also going to be posting in a few other fandoms as well, if you’re interested. If you like me or my writing, I invite you to stick around. If sub rosa is the only content of mine you think you’ll ever enjoy, just know that it’ll always be here for you. 

Okay, that’s all for now. I love you all more than the stars, in this lifetime, and in the next!!!!