#like he was not used anymore to stay among famous actors

[invisibleicewands]

The One Show, 10/07/2023 - #1

[tryingtowritestuff24]

BETA READERS WANTED

As I am in the final editing stage of my book, I was hoping to get some people who would be willing to read and give me some feedback.

The Bonds That Bind Us is the first book in a potential trilogy but can be read as a standalone. It's the story of Jackson Alexander, a gay man who learns to heal and love through finding Luke, his Superman.

Whilst this is a romance novel, I would class it more as literary fiction due to the heavy subject matter addressed in the story.

Triggers include: Physical/mental/verbal abuse; homophobia; self-harm; suicidal ideation; death of secondary character(s); PTSD/depression/anxiety; religion; etc.

HOWEVER, this is a story about love, healing, and found family. About a man who goes through some of the worst things imaginable and is still able to come out on the other side of it, happy.

I know it's not going to be for everyone but if you are interested, drop me a comment or a DM.

I'm going to post the first chapter below so people can read it and see if it's their kind of thing!

Thank you if you've read this far!

Music had the floor below him vibrating, Jackson eyeing the patrons of the bustling club from his hiding place by the bar. Taking another sip of his whiskey, he smirked. This was one of the hottest spots in the city and he was surrounded by some of the biggest names in New York. People everywhere were dying to get close to them, all the common folk blissfully unaware of how painfully obvious their attempts to mingle were. He couldn’t blame them, though; he used to be one of them.

 He was among the rich, the famous, and the beautiful, and he’d never felt more miserable.

 He hated coming here alone; it made him realise how bad things really were; but, it was better than being at home. It was better than sitting in fear of another beating. Or with the crippling loneliness that seemed to be his only companion currently.

An obnoxiously loud laugh could be heard above the din of the music, for a moment almost drowning it out. Jackson scowled into his drink before his crystal-blue eyes found the owner. 

Ginny and the girls were partying hard in the VIP section, completely oblivious of him. Once upon a time, he’d have been there with them; he should‘ve been there with them; delighting in the free drinks and attention, but not now. It was hard to want things like that when you had to allow people to use you to get them. 

There was a time he would have done anything for Ginny. Anything. He’d lost count of the amount of times he’d done things that had made him uncomfortable just to stay in her good graces. And now she didn’t even see him. He’d stopped receiving the phone calls and the invitations. He didn’t exist in her world anymore.  It was like he’d disappeared entirely. Sometimes he wished he would.

His whiskey tasted bitter as he finished it, slamming the empty glass down almost too hard onto the bar. This whole venture had been a mistake. Jackson knew he shouldn’t be here, but he needed something to dull the emptiness. He needed to feel something. Anything. He just didn’t know where to find it.

Three more whiskies gave him enough confidence to loosen up, his black hair shining as it cascaded down his back. His hips swayed as he lost himself in the music, a small, sad smile on his lips as his thoughts wandered. 

Sudden hands on his waist had Jackson freezing where he stood,  fear almost causing him to drop his half-full glass. 

Spinning around quickly, he almost had a heart attack. It took him a minute to realise that the gorgeous man standing too close to him wasn’t Luke O’Neill, an actor he’d love to get his hands on, though he’d be forgiven for thinking it was. 

A lot about them was similar; the dimples, the hair, the smile; but there was so much wrong, too. Luke's eyes shone like emeralds and his smile was breathtaking in every picture Jackson had ever seen of him. Where Luke was smooth, chiselled, the man before him looked like he had been carved from play-doh rather than marble. It felt like a childish representation of what a man should be. Close enough to pass muster but not enough under close scrutiny. Jackson's disappointment was real but he knew, on any other night, he'd have taken second-best. It wasn't like he'd ever be lucky enough to touch the real thing anyway. 

“Can I help you?” Jackson asked with a sigh, his back against the wall as the man stepped closer.

“You looked like you could use some company,” he slurred, Jackson suppressing the urge to roll his eyes. The man’s eyes roved over Jackson’s pretty features and down his petite figure, Jackson tutting in annoyance.

“I’m not interested. Thanks, though.”

As Jackson pushed him away, ready to leave, the man grabbed the top of his arm gently to pull him back. Jackson grimaced as the man began pressing sloppy kisses against his neck, the stylist struggling in his grip. Before he had a chance to protest further, Jackson’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he retrieved it with a frown; this night couldn’t get any worse. 

The message icon flashed in the top corner of the screen and he opened it, lifting a brow as he saw multiple messages from his brother, Carlos. He was writing another as Jackson read the first one.

Pop’s threatening to lock the doors.

 I’m not gonna be able to come and unlock them this time.

He said he’d teach me a lesson if I did, man. Especially after what happened last time!

 You’ve got an hour and a half, hermano. 

Please come home, Jackson…

His arm dropped heavily at his side, the all too familiar feeling of emptiness creeping in again as his little brother’s words sunk in, tears pricking at his eyes. He knew Carlos had only done what he thought was best. It cut like a knife. 

If he only had an hour and a half, he was going to get something out of it. Anything to make the emptiness go away. With a sniff, he shoved the phone back into his jeans and finished his drink, wincing at the burn in his throat. Gripping a handful of his enthusiastic partner’s hair, the man groaning as he lifted his head, Jackson pressed a hard kiss to his lips before pulling away. He saw the burning he’d become accustomed to in the stranger’s eyes and took his hand, leading him towards the restroom. Jackson would hate himself for this tomorrow but right now he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything. He needed to feel something, anything. He just wanted it to go away.

[lexwritess]

hii! i saw that your requests were open and wondered if you could do like an angsty xavier x reader? with the prompts 38. and 19? thank you <3 !

why’d you only call me when your high? [x.p.]

pairing: xavier plymton x reader

warnings: dr*g ab*use, fighting, angst, smut, swearing, cheating, both y/n and xavier are assholes, it’s a fucking lot okay? it’s good tho promise!

college au!

italics is flashbacks

normal text is present time

-

xavier fucking plymton.

you had some sort of an idea what you were getting into once you befriended the gorgeous blonde hair idiot but you never imagined this.

“xav, get over here!” montana shouted among the loud music and drunk students.

“meet my friend y/n! she’s super chill, i think i’m gonna make her join the group.” montana smiles.

“make me?” you raise and eyebrow at the blonde.

“oh yeah, montana isn’t to keen on asking people if they want to do things. you’ll end up doing it anyway.” xavier jokes.

“i guess i just got that kind of charm. i’m gonna go fill my drink!” montana walks away.

“xavier.” xavier introduces himself and extends his arm out to you.

“y/n.” you reply and meet his hand to shake it.

“you go to school here?” you asks xavier.

“no, i do go to the improv classes after school hours though.” he replies, leaning in closer to you.

“oh really that’s cool! what’s your interest in that?” you ask.

“i’m going to be a famous actor!” he says cockily.

“oh yeah?” you ask with an amused smirk on your face.

“yeah, i’m already in tons of commercials.” he gives a smile back to you.

you giggle and look around the cramped frat house.

“you wanna get out of here? there’s a really good pizza place down a couple blocks.” you ask xavier, hoping he agrees.

“hell yeah, this place sucks ass.” xavier says happily and grabs his jacket.

“wait wait wait, you’re telling me you did a commercial for some weird ass dildo in japan?” you laugh loudly.

“shhhh!” xavier laughs and pushes his finger against your slightly chapped lips.

“i didn’t know! it was before i had an agent and i was desperate for a gig.” xavier exclaims.

“mmm, japaneseeee dildoooo.” you giggle abruptly.

“oh my god y/n keep it down! are you sure you’re not drunk?” xavier quirks an eyebrow at you.

“i was just at a frat house for three hours with montana fucking duke as my tour guide...i’m drunk.” you giggle again.

“good point there.” xavier laughs at you.

“you can’t act innocent. you’re just as drunk as me!” you cross your arms and look at him.

“well yes, but i never said i wasn’t.” xavier gives you a smug look and takes a drink of his soda.

“yeah yeah whatever.” you playfully roll your eyes and take the drink out of his hand to take a sip.

“do you have a bucket list?” xavier asks.

“no, i don’t think so? i mean there’s things i wanna do but i don’t have them all sorted out.” you reply, shrugging your shoulders.

“well what’s one thing, anything in the world, you want to do and we’ll go do it?” xavier smiles.

“well...i’ve always wanted to hook up with a famous actor.”

“fuck xav!” you moan out as xavier thrusts increase in speed.

“shit y/n.” xaviers eyes roll back as he breathes deeply.

xavier moves your legs so they’re above his shoulders. making him go deeper, causing you both to moan loudly.

“fuck y/n you’re so fucking tight for me. so fucking tight.” xavier grunts, pining your hands above your head.

“shittt, xavier! i’m going to cum!” you moan into his ear.

“i’m almost there.” xavier says in a breathy voice.

“fuck xavier please!” you plead, tightening around him.

“shit shit...go ahead cum for me!” xavier’s thrusts get sloppy as he gets closer to his peak.

your walls clench around him one last time before you both finish.

“fuck that was good.” you giggle and xavier pulls out with a big smirk on his face.

“glad i could cross that off on your bucket list.” he smiles and gets under the covers.

“goodnight x.” you say sleepily and scoot closer.

“night y/n/n.” xavier says softly and wraps his arms around you before falling asleep.

that’s the night you thought you found your perfect person, but nothings ever perfect.

“we’ve just been on a few dates mon, it’s nothing serious!” you explain to montana.

she had found out about you and xaviers “relationship” you don’t think it’s a big deal. you’re just friends.

“what about all the hot dirty sex i’ve heard about?” montana looks at you with her eyebrows raised.

you rolls your eyes at her.

maybe you and xavier aren’t exactly just friends.

“keep your eyes on the road.” you tell her, avoiding the question.

it was her turn to roll her eyes at you.

“okay, you’re still not answering the question.” montana points out.

“okay! maybe we have sex sometimes but it’s normal! a little...” you give her a sheepish smile and she just laughs at your stupidity.

“don’t tell him but i kind of really like him. i like the way his eyes widen when he talks about acting or the way he gives side comments that fly right over chets head, or the way he has to remake his sandwich when we go out to eat because he has this very specific order-.” you rant while montana cuts you off.

“okay, you’re in love with him! why don’t you date him already!” montana shouts.

“he’s just been distant i don’t know...he’s only been calling me over to hook up i think somethings wrong.” you say glumly.

“you should go over and check on him, his apartment isn’t far away from aaron’s. want me to drop you off?” montana offers.

you debate her offer. you don’t just wanna show up uninvited but you did talk about coming over earlier.

“yeah sure if you don’t mind.”

you knock on the door of the apartment complex waiting for your favorite blonde bimbo.

when there was no answer you turn the handle to see if the door was locked.

you open the door and walk into the house a little.

“xavier?” you call out.

no answer.

“xav?” you ask again walking towards his room.

you smile when you see the sight of xavier sleeping soundly in his bed, little snores leaving his mouth once in a while.

you walk around his room admiring the many polaroids of him and his friends.

you grin when you find the one of the night you met.

you take it off the wall to take a closer took at it but you knock something over.

“oops.” you mutter to yourself and bend down to pick it up.

you pick up a small orange bottle with the words oxycodone written on it.

not prescribed to xavier.

you look at the location it fell and found another bottle of pills.

you don’t bother to look at the lable of it and put the other one back.

“what the hell?” you say quietly, tears brimming your eyes.

“y/n?” a groggy voice fills your ears.

you don’t say anything and walk out of his bedroom out to the kitchen.

“wait y/n where are you going?” xavier asks rushes out to stop you from leaving.

“you didn’t tell me you were an addict.” you say just above a whisper.

xaviers face goes white and he runs a hand through his hair.

“you weren’t suppose to find out like this.” he says quietly.

“were you ever going to tell me?” you ask louder this time, making contact with his icy blue eyes.

“of course i was going to tell you.” xavier grabs you wrist pulling you close to him.

“were you high all the times we hung out?”

“no! not all of them...” xavier looks away uneasy.

“the past couple times we fucked?” you ask him with an attitude.

xavier looks at you and a tear runs down his face.

you scoff and continue to put your shoes on.

“y/n, please don’t go! i’ll stop! i’ll drop the pills.” xavier pleads.

“why do you even want me to stay? you won’t commit to me, you don’t wanna hang out with me normally anymore, and you only call me over when you’re high! im fucking tired xavier!” you shout, tears streaming down your face.

“please, i love you. i’ll stop for you.” xavier pleads again.

“you love me?” you ask him with wide eyes.

“yeah.” xavier breathes, his face inches from yours.

“you promise you’ll stop with the pills?” you ask xavier, extending your pinky finger towards him.

“promise.” xavier whispers and intertwines his pinky with yours.

he technically never did break that promise.

“remind me again why we’re getting ice cream ten o’clock at night?” you ask your group of friends with a smile.

“because we’re fucking cool.” montana replies.

“i wish we would of took a car, it’s freezing out.” brooke shivers.

“here! take my jacket.” chet removes his jacket and places it around brookes shoulders.

“you guys are disgusting.” you laugh, taking a bite of your ice cream.

“oh c’mon y/n/n, let them enjoy being in love!” ray jokes, nudging your shoulder.

“yeah, you’re just mad xavier didn’t show.” chet says while shoving a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.

“wait you told me xavier had an audition?” montana asks you confused.

“i know...i’m sorry i lied. i’m just worried and i didn’t want to think about it.” you say quietly.

the group looks at you with remorse and ray wraps a comforting arm around you.

“guys be careful going around this corner, lots of junkies.” chet says distastefully.

everyone picks up the pace a little walking down the alleyway to get back to the main street.

you turn your head to look towards a group of people when you recognize someone familiar.

“holy shit.” you say with tears brimming your eyes.

“guys be quiet and fast now.” you say urgently and you quickly get back to the main road.

“y/n what’s wrong?” brooke asks.

“xav-xavier was back there.” you say with a shaky breath.

“i think i’m going to head out...i’ll see you at home tana. thanks for ice cream.” you say quickly, walking past them to haul down a cab.

you got and the cab and told the driver to go to Arrow street.

which is not where your apartment is, but xaviers.

you had a key to his apartment so you just let yourself in and sat on the couch waiting for him to come home.

that’s until you saw a glimpse of orange in the garbage.

needles.

you didn’t want it to be true you did everything you could to try to convince yourself it was for something medical, but the more you looked around the apartment and saw the scattered needles in his bedroom you couldn’t.

“y/n, shit you scared me!” xavier laughs nervously.

“you disgust me.” you say say standing up, turning around to face him.

“what?” xavier knots his eyes brows in confusion.

“listen, you don’t think i know but i fucking know. i know you xavier. you’re not secretive i know when you’re not yourself, but heroin! seriously?” you ask the boy you love with tears streaming down your cheeks.

“babe-.”

“no! don’t do that shit! you’re in deep shit now. you know that? i do everything for you and you don’t make me feel like it’s worth it...you make me feel worthless! you lie to me, you’re high every time we’re together, and you blow me off to go buy dirty needles off junkies! it fucking hurts!” you scream, finally telling xavier how you feel.

“is it all worth it? is being high all the time worth it? it is worth to lose me?” you ask bitterly.

“no, no it’s not...” xavier says quietly as a tear rolls down his face.

“then why don’t you get help!” you say with anger.

“i will! i will please, one more chance just give me one more chance please!” xavier sobs.

you direct your gaze towards the floor as xavier steps closer to you.

“one more chance.” xavier says again, grabbing the side of your face, tilting your head up to look at him.

“are you high right now?” your voice hoarse from the fighting earlier.

“no, and i’ll flush the rest of them down the toilet right now.”

and you gave him another chance, and another chance, and another fucking chance.

always luring you with the dates, his jokes, the sex, his charm, the i love yous, and you would forgive him every time.

almost every time.

“how could you?” you say with a shaky voice, tears threatening to spill.

xavier told you that he wanted to have a movie night later that night, but when 8 o’clock rolled around and you walked into his room, you wish you never would of went.

seeing a girl on her knees in front of your boyfriend and him enjoying it killed you.

“you need to leave now.” you tell the girl.

she muttered a sorry and left the apartment.

xavier opened his mouth to say something but you didn’t want to hear it.

“don’t fucking lie to me right now, is this the first time?” you ask.

“no, i’ll never do it again please-.”

“xavier!” you say sternly.

xavier inhales sharply. “no this isn’t the first time, i’m sorry.” he sighs.

“you’re always sorry aren’t you? did you guys fuck?” you ask, clearly irritated with xavier.

“yes.” you can barely hear him.

“i fucking hate you xavier plymton...you ruined me!” you shout, letting all your emotions wash over you.

“you know it’s not like you’ve been fucking perfect either!” xavier yells, he’s never yelled at you like this before.

“i didn’t fucking cheat on you!”

“you’ve been distant. when i need you, you’re not here. you’re out drinking, or hanging out with fucking ray! i needed someone so sorry i was fucking that bitch but you weren’t here.” xavier shoots back.

“are you fucking blaming me? the only reason i’m drinking and hanging out with ray is because you choose drugs over everyone! you’re not the same guy i fell in love with. you say you love me xavier but it doesn’t feel like it...” your sentence trails off at the end, you’re not sure you can argue much longer you’re feeling yourself breaking.

“well maybe it’s because i don’t love you! you’re always on my back and you never shut the fuck up!” xavier hisses.

you’re speechless.

xavier doesn’t love you?

you can see the regret in his face after the words leave his mouth.

“don’t talk to me ever again, i swear to god xavier. never again.” you say as calm as possible, leaving the apartment building.

you go outside and let all your emotions out. your back slides against the wall as you bury yourself in your knees and start sobbing.

you pull out your phone and try your best to see through your teary vision for montana’s contact.

“y/n what’s up?” she asks.

“mon, i, i really need you to come pick me up.” you hiccup.

“shit, of course. where are you?” montana asks with concern.

“xaviers...”

you hear her sigh on the other side of the phone.

“be there in 5.”

“that son of a bitch! i’m so sorry y/n, this is my fault.” montana rubs your back for comfort.

“it’s not your fault, he changed.” you say, your voice raspy from all the screaming and crying.

“i just, i don’t think i can see him for a long time.” you say quietly, burying your face into your pillows.

“fuck, y/n my works calling, i’ll be back im going to call off.” montana starts walking out of your room.

“no, i’ll be fine. don’t call off.” you tell her.

“no, y/n it’s fine.”

“mon you call off all the time, they’ll fire you.” you give a little laugh.

“are you sure?” she sighs heavily.

“yes! now go i’ll see you later.” you shoo her away.

you never thought that day could of got worse.

you groan at the noise of someone knocking at your door.

“montana you have a key!” you complain, going to open the door.

you’re taken a back when you open the door to see two police officers.

“can i help you?” you ask nervously.

“you are y/n y/l/n, correct?” the one on the left asks.

“yes, am i in trouble?” you ask confused.

“no of course not, you’re number one in xavier plymtons emergency contacts so we decided to come to you.” the other answers.

you blood runs cold as a million possibilities rack through your brain.

“we regret to inform you that xavier has passed.”

you swear your vision went black for a second.

he’s not gone.

he can’t be gone.

“what, what happened? i-i just saw him two hours.” you stutter.

“he was found outside his apartment, needle in his arm-.” the woman officer cuts her partner off and mumbles something about being to blunt.

“he overdosed, heroin. i’m so sorry baby.” she looks at you with pitty.

“thanks for telling me...” you say so quiet you’re surprised they heard you.

they say goodbye again and you shut the door.

“no,no,no,no!” you scream falling to the ground.

“why the fuck would you do that? why why why why?” you tell again, tugging at your hair.

you let out a loud, heartbreaking sob and fall onto your knees.

“i didn’t mean what i said...i didn’t mean it i wanted you to talk to me i was just angry. you were angry. fuck fuck!” you wail out again.

xavier fucking plymton .

[aphrodite1288]

Ks has been receiving love calls since he was still in the army. He had already said that if he was asked to participate in a variety show, he would accept. He doesn't want his private life exposed is one thing, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be promoted. You are making excuses for the neglect, mistreatment and sabotage the career him

#Disclaimer: 1st of all that's going to be a long ass Post to reply to any asks like that, so I hope people would read everything and not just read half of it and go bark somewhere about something I said that I have explained later but y'all didn't reach it to read it! So read everything before making comments or sending me asks. I don't want to repeat what I said here. So read before coming at me and bombard me with asks about stuff I already discussed here in this answer!

Sis you barely even know anything of him now. He already started filming his movie in June and finished filming his MV in late May or early June and you knew nothing about it 💁🏻‍♀️ coz if he really wanted to share that with y'all he would have mentioned it in his bubble or at least we would have seen him outside in the set. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO 🤷🏻‍♀️ HE doesn't want y'all to know, and don't tell me "coz SM is locking him up in the basement" that's why he can't breath and write you in bubble?? Heck! He even comes sometimes just to tell us about the weather or to drop a song and never mentioned about anything else about his life or his schedule. Normally all the members update about them going into their schedules but without revealing the content of the schedule coz that's the rules, but at least we get a pic or two of them heading to their schedules! To know that they're jobless! Heck Sehun is jobless now but we see him more than we see Ksoo who's extremely busy with a drama a movie and a debut and album preparations and promotion preparation! But Ksoo doesn't want that! He doesn't want y'all to know things about his life or what he does, or where he goes 🤷🏻‍♀️ That's why his fans and Fansites are so secretive and don't share anything, UPON HIS REQUEST. And to respect his extreme private character.

If he wanted he would have accepted Variety shows darling. He is busy filming a drama and a movie and making a debut and an album and preparing for promotions. Do you think he is free to be on Variety now? Even if he was asked , he can't now. Maybe later after or during his debut to promote for his album yeah, But definitely not now. Yes he had opportunities and he refused them coz he's busy. And maybe we would see him in the future but he is not into reality shows that much. Now he is focusing on his acting career and singing career relatively. As he is still not built as a solo artist yet to start a new journey for building a variety character and image for himself now. But maybe after his debut. Hopefully 🙇🏻‍♀️🕯️🕎

Sis he is busy, booked and he doesn't like being in the lights. He said it himself he had trauma in the past that left scars on him and affected his behavior with his own fans that's why he said he is distant from them.

Stop making me look like I hate Kyungsoo. This account is MAINLY and ONLY about HIM and Ji 💁🏻‍♀️ do you think I'd bother make an acc about him and talking about him 25/8 if I hated him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fans don't want to admit their idol don't like interacting much with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's the truth. He likes his job but not the fans and sasaengs and aeygo part of it. He said it himself, he even thought of quitting Many times, as he found that he isn't FITTING into this idol world.

There's something u need to know, SM only wants to renew with Ksoo and Chan and Ji and Baek and mainly KSOO and Baek. So he is not sabotaged he is favored in the company. It's just that he doesn't like working with sM anymore! and he is enjoying his acting career and idol life while being locked up in the studio and movie sets without fans mobbing him and following him everywhere. If it wasn't for Hongki we would never know that Ksoo started filming and making his album and blah blah. Yes Ksoo doesn't like talking much to the fans and he isn't the type of idols to share everything about his life and everything he does.. with his fans. As he does his job as a real job and he enjoys it. I sometimes doubt that ksoo is the one writing in bubble 💭 except for the song recommandations maybe. 🤔

If he wanted he would have sent y'all pics of himself in Bubble like how all the members do but HE DOESN'T WANT TO 💁🏻‍♀️ Now go blame SM on that too.

I was always told that Ksoo said he wished he was a professional actor and singer but to not be famous! He said he wishes to be known for his talents and to do his job that he loves so much but to not famous at the same time 😂 which is impossible btw. He said he hates fame. He wishes he could do the job he loves so much but without the whole interacting and fame and spotlights part of it. I was told that. Since very long ago and I was sad at first to hear that. But after seeing Kyungsoo enjoying his privacy and not being mobbed and respected by his fans, I was extremely happy. Heck you can rarely hear anything about him or see any pics of him from his fans coz they keep everything to themselves coz I was told that that's what Kyungsoo wants and they keep his life private and never share anything about him- I was so happy to see him do what he likes the way he likes it in complete privacy.

We rarely hear he was out with someone for a meal but when we do, it's years after it happened 😂 or with no pics at all. Like how he met Zico and they were both at the studio maybe collaborating. But we didn't get any pics from his solo stans and Fansites not even Exol. Cuz they know he doesn't like it when things about him get exposed .

Like we rarely saw any pics of him outside not before military nor after. And this been happening for years now since debut (I mean the issue of rarely getting updates and pics about him in the streets or restaurants or hanging out with friends) wdym SM is putting him in the dungeon for once debut?? No! Sorry he was the most promoted member and the first one to start a solo career as an actor ONLY 2 years after his debut when he was still a rookie, he has always been the most promoted among all the members even before Jongdae and Baekhyun ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

To put it up in another way: Ksoo doesn't like working with sM anymore and all the members too as they're all now going to leave and not renew so they mostly accept few of the projects suggested to them to make profit from them and stay active in the lights in the mean time before they decide what to do later. So they will not risk taking big opportunities with big companies or shows and sign big-long term-contracts for a long period with big acting or variety companies coz they can't do much projects now in the name of SM since the contract is nearing its expiration, so as long as they r still labeled as SM ARTISTs and still under SM contract so SM would still take their fair share of the profits, So since their contract is nearing its end..they can't do big projects that require long period of time such as accepting deals for long term positions in a show such as "Official MCs" or "Fixed cast member in a show that would last for years" or to "sign with an acting company coz most of them have the bare minimum for a contract is 3 years i guess (idk i don't remember) or to sign with any company that obliges a long-term contract " etc.. coz SM would still take their profit even after they leave as the contract was signed with those companies when Exo's contract with sm was still on. And that's the last thing they want.. is after leaving your shitty company, they would still take profits from you.

Also most companies don't suggest you big and long term projects when your contract with your company is nearing its end! That's why most if the members now are jobless only getting few short-termed projects, Coz these companies are not only working with the idol BUT they're working with their company as well. As it's the one who decides most of the the idols opportunies and decisions and does everything for them.

So if you don't like the truth and don't like to hear things that don't go along with your fantasies about your Oppa then that's not my problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ Go Fix it .

And I hope you won't drop Ksoo after discovering something about him that you didn't like to admit he has 💁🏻‍♀️ he doesn't like yall to know things about him and he doesn't like interacting with his fans that much through social media. He has a private IG and if he wanted to talk to y'all he would have made a public one but he doesn't 🤷🏻‍♀️ just like Jongdae! And they are free and we should respect their decision! Jongdae Chose his private life over fans and trust me he is so happy with his wife and daughter and i saw them with my own eyes. He is enjoying his privacy and he is caring less about what haters are saying or if fans are disappointed.

You should get used from now on to the feeling that your bias doesn't want your nose always in his life and doesn't always want you to know everything about him and doesn't want to show himself up in programs and projects he doesn't want to do just COZ YOU WANT TO SEE HIM THERE. Also Make it in your heads that your bias private life and his close people are 1000 better than being with you all the time and satisfying your requests and fantasies💁🏻‍♀️

Respect and understand that your idol doesn't always want you to know everything about them and if your Oppa likes to be introvert and private you should respect that ! instead of complaining 25/8 on Bubble and twitter and IG about wanting to see him.

Be like Korean Exol they see Ksoo they meet him all the time they photograph him yet they never share anything or if they do it's after a long time, just coz they respect him and they know how private he is and how he hates his info and pics of him enjoying his day being exposed all over the internet. That's why we rarely get updates about Ksoo from OPs. And even if you beg them to buy his pics and updates they won't give u anything. That's why sasaengs always say they can't get anything about ksoo coz it's very hard as he is a very private person and his info are the hardest and most expensive to get.

Remember in the first half of 2019? When he disappeared for 6 months straight and never updated one word about himself and we were so worried and though he was leaving? He didn't even come out to deny the departure rumors it was SM who did, instead when we were all scares he was leaving and we haven't heard anything of him and were dying of concern, he was enjoying his cooking courses and applying for military and preparing for his position as a chef in military and going on vacation with his friends and squads and lover and chanyeol and you didn't know anything about him, you didn't hear one word from him! (Except for the pics with chanyeol at the airport and just coz chan was there if he wants tI doubt we would have got pics of ksoo at the airport leaving to japan) And he went straight to military after that with no update nor a goodbye Party nor anything! Just a plain letter in which he said he will enlist and after that he disappeared for 3 years (6 months before military and 1 year and a half of military and 7 months after discharge💁🏻‍♀️) Heck He even went and told the member that he will enlist without hesitation coz he is like that and members said they were shocked when he came and said he is enlisting all of a sudden like he just told them he was going to play football or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ He didn't want to make a goodbye party for his enlistment like how XIUMIN did, and why again? for the same goddam reason 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't you ask yourself why we rarely get any news about him 🤔 it's COZ HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW. 😂

After his discharge we heard he went along with Park shinhye and his Hyung actors squad to play golf together right after his discharge (in January 25th) , in February but we got no pics 💁🏻‍♀️ Why? Same reason🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone in korea knows Ksoo doesn't like coming out of the closet and expose himself to the public and interact with FANS and haters and obsessed fans and sasaengs.

KSOO WAS TRAUMATIZED BY FANS and SASAENGS AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO HIM AND WHAT HE SUFFERED YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HIS LACK OF INTERACTION WITH FANS and you WOULD GIVE HIM EXCUSE. HE CAN'T HELP IT! He tried so hard to get over this issue but couldn't. HE LOVES HIS FANS BUT HE CAN'T INTERACT WITH THEM PROPERLY AND HE APOLOGIZED ABOUT THAT A LOT! So please understand him.

Sometimes it's not always the company sometimes it's the idol himself who wants some SPACE. Maybe A LOT of space 😂 in Ksoo's case.

I'm not making excuses for the sabotage and Mistreatment, I'm showing you the Kyungsoo that you probably don't know.

We can't judge SM mistreatment to him now as he is not active now, but once his album is dropped that's when we would see and we could judge if they treat him well or not. And i hope his album would get all the promotions his talents deserve.

[tbass2201]

2020 K-Dramas Ratings

These K-dramas were dramas I watched this year so far. Not all were released this year. Rating them from least to most favorite. I struggled so much to not rank these and not have multiple ties as well. (*crying emoji*) 

8. Where Your Eyes Linger (Series) 

This BL (boy love) drama focuses on two best friends, Tae Joo and Kang Gook, an heir to a family run business conglomerate and his bodyguard. Under the strict and constant eye of Tae Joo’s father, they start to realize jealousy and constant tension is the result of feelings the two have subconsciously developed for each other. The drama was so short. I wished there was more story development and build up for the two male leads characters. But they didn’t fail to deliver that tension of their fiery romance on screen for the short drama. Drama has also been recently made into a movie as well. 

7. Melting Me Softly 

This romantic comedy shows that the feelings love can bring can raise our body temperatures to detrimental levels. At least for Go Mi Ran and Ma Dong Chan that is. In 1999 the two participate in a frozen human cryongenic experiment that was supposed to last twenty-four hours but intead lasts for twenty years. The two then have to continue where they left off and adapt to lives in a completely new age while also trying to remain healthy with abnormal body temperatures. Falling in love of course, doesn’t help. The plot to this drama I felt like could easily have been messed up, but the delivery was the best it could’ve been. Lots of funny moments with just as many cute scenes. Also for my fellow Ji Chang Wook fangirls, the steamy kissing scene definitely won’t disappoint. (*wink*. With the main lead at least. *double wink*).   

6. Sweet Munchies 

If you couldn’t taste the bittersweet flavor of a third-wheel looking at the gif above then lucky for you, you’ve never had to be one. A Jin a PD director, Jin Sung a talented chef, and Tae Wan a famous fashion designer all fall into an awkward love triangle while working together on a show called “Sweet Munchies”. A Jin seeks a gay chef after finally getting an oppurtunity to direct her own show. In order to help her and due to financial issues Jin Sung lies about his sexuality to be a part of the show. He doesn’t realize though how his lie affects lots of people of around him, and lots of drama and tension ensues. Tae Wan hands down is my favorite character in this show due to his story and performance in the drama. Maybe even one of my favorite kdrama characters in general. 

5. One Spring Night 

A librarian and a pharmacist develop feelings for each other among circumstances where there are tons of factors against them. Simutaneously Jeong In tries to end her four year relationship and deal with her father. While Ji Ho fights the constant battle of doubt after a previous partner leaves him and their son. Makes you really think about the ultimate purpose of relationships and why people pursue them. Also how feelings can stem unpredictably, even when they seemingly shouldn’t.  

4. 100 Days My Prince 

A historical romance drama with a little bit of everything. Action packed fight scenes, romance, comedy, and Do Kyungsoo (I mean I’m not the only one who feels this way). The two leads Lee Yul and Hong Shim (what she’s commonly known as) create romance under forceful circumstances ordered by their prince not knowing they have met prior in their youth. Lee Yul also has amnesia and tries to re-discover himself only to find out, he is actally a royal prince. 

3. Touch Your Heart 

What happens when you have a perfectionist lawyer and a washed up actress work together in a law firm? At first you get lots of disagreements and arguments. But then you eventually see love blossom. Yoon Seo works as Jung Ruk’s secretary for three months in order for her to make her acting comeback after her career is tarrnished due to a drug scandal. We see office romance in a pure, innocent light that’ll touch your heart. 

2. I’ll Visit You When the Weather is Nice 

Life in Seoul isn’t great anymore. Hae Won, a cellist, comes back to her hometown for a change of pace. Working alongside Eun Seop her former classmate at his bookstore, we see into different aspects of their lives. They take us on journey of self-acceptance, rage, grief and love in this small town. But Hae Won doesn’t plan to be staying there for long. In this drama we have leads but we see perpectives from lots of characters that we can relate to and that provokes us to re-evaluate problems we may be holding on to. 

1. Extra-Ordinary You 

Life in Dan Oh’s eyes is perfect. Until she becomes aware that she’s an extra character in a comic book. Determined to change her fate and control her life despite what the writer has made for her, she realizes she can’t do it alone. Another extra even more insignificant than her called “Number 13″ helps her and is the only one who can change the story. But once she names him Ha Ru changes in the story don’t come with benefits, but can the two win the fight to control their own lives? One of the most refreshing kdramas out there with a unique plot and lead actors Kim Hye Yoon and Rowoon nailing their first lead roles.  

[baby-hyena]

You’re Beautiful | a KHSxJJH Fanfiction

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JU JI HOON!!! 🥳 

Note: Here's the 2nd part of JJH's point of view. If you haven't read the 1st part, here's the link 😊 https://baby-hyena.tumblr.com/post/616744455208353792/tenerife-sea-khsxjjh-fanfic

 Song used: You're Beautiful cover by Ju Ji Hoon

 ~

My life is brilliant

Ji Hoon couldn't sleep that night. He's been rolling over his bed to find a comfy position but he still couldn't sleep. The filming finished late. He decided to workout a bit. He thought that maybe exhausting himself will put him to sleep. But he's still wide awake. When he lay down on his bed to try to sleep again, a small voice speaks at the back of his mind. Go to her, he blinks at that thought. He reaches for his phone to check the time and it's midnight. He sends her a text asking if she's still awake. But 10 minutes later, he got no response. He gets up and decided to go to her house.

My life is brilliant

When he arrived at her house, the lights were off. She's asleep, he thought. He was hesitant to go inside. It's not the first time though, it's just that he still fears that she might not want him to be there. He shook his head and exhaled, then he went inside. Good thing he knows her passcode. When she gave him that, he was over the moon. He knows it's such a small thing but it made him so happy. It made him so happy because that means she trusts him and it was enough to make all of his hesitations disappeared.

My love is pure

He took off his shoes and went straight to the couch. Strangely, he suddenly felt exhausted. But before he lies down, her book shelf caught his eyes. He went near it and there he saw her pictures. She has kept her favorite photos from her different photoshoots. He smiled when he saw the different sides of her. He saw her versatility in acting, but he was amazed that she can do the same in her photoshoots. She's truly an icon, he thought. One photo caught his attention. He didn't recognize her because she's wearing sunglasses and has really long hair. But he recognized the place. It was that place.

I saw an angel

It was August 2013 when he went to Segovia, Spain. He wanted to see the world, to wander, to explore. He wanted to experience different cultures. Besides, he's been working for his two upcoming movies that year. So he took a break for a month to travel. He was enjoying the view and taking pictures when he heard something familiar, "Okay, that's a good pose. Keep it up." It was spoken in Hangul. He looked around to find the voice. There he saw a photographer, taking pictures of a beautiful woman. He was stunned.

Of that I'm sure

She has long hair, a body to die for, long legs and everything that made Ji Hoon swallowed. The way she poses makes him hold his breath. He's been modelling for a long time but he's never seen a model as beautiful as her. He couldn't help but to steal a picture of her using his camera. He went near the site, enough to see her face but also enough to hide if ever he gets caught. When the photographer shouts, "Cut! Let's have a break." Ji Hoon got the chance to see her face when she took off her sunglasses. His heart skipped a beat when their eyes met.

She smiled at me on the subway

The woman smiled at Ji Hoon and his world stopped. He smiled back at her, shyly and awkwardly as he turns his back to leave. That day and that trip became memorable to him. And when he came back to Seoul, he gets to know who the woman was when the news article came out. It was the actress Kim Hye Soo. She was on a photoshoot that day in Spain for Cosmopolitan. Knowing this, he bought the magazine and watched her drama Queen of the Office. This was when he started admiring her because he noticed how good she is as an actress. He watched every movie and drama she's in and he became her fanboy.

She was with another man

Ji Hoon worked hard on his career. He wanted to start again after being in a controversy. But more than this, at the back of his head, he wanted to be that good of an actor so when he'll be given the opportunity to act with Kim Hyesoo, he'd never fail. And he never did. He was always jealous of the actors that gets to act with her. He'd always wish that one project with her would land onto his hands and he'll never waste that chance. That's why when he got Hyena; he didn't decline, even when he also had events for Kingdom 2, even when he didn't get any rest. It's because he didn't want to miss this chance. With her.

But I won't lose no sleep on that

Whenever Hyesoo compliments him for his acting, it feels like an achievement. It's not the awards and nominations that made him feel successful, it was her. He feels like his years of acting finally pays off just because he was finally recognized by his idol. He was inspired by her, in every set, in every scene, he gave his all. And now he's finally here, this close to her. Who would've thought that he'll ever get this lucky? He yawned then smiled. He'll finally get some sleep that night.

'Cause I've got a plan

Ji Hoon is having a bad dream. He's dreaming of Hyesoo pushing him away, cutting him off from her life. When he wakes up, he found her beside him looking for something under the couch. His heart was relieved when he saw her. "What are you doing?" He asks her. She looks at him while showing him what she's holding, "Oh, I dropped my airpods." Ji Hoon stares at her and thinks; I'd like to wake up to this face for the rest of my life. He'd notice her feeling conscious because of his stare. He'd smile. "Why are you staring?" She'd ask him. He'll smile at her with his dreamy eyes. I don't mind staring at you all my life, a voice in his mind speaks but he utters, "Nothing."

You're beautiful, you're beautiful

They say, the right one will not make you nervous or shake you on your knees. When you found the right one, you'll feel calm and comfortable. That's what Ji Hoon feels as they eat breakfast together. He's calm and comfortable. Yes, he can feel his heart pounding because of happiness; because he's with her. But he's never felt this calm before, as if he has everything he needs; as if everything in his life was already fulfilled. And in that moment he knew, the feeling of being home; of being with the love of his life. I hope this lasts, his heart whispers.

You're beautiful, it's true

Ji Hoon knows how much Hyesoo loves taking pictures. It's one of the things he learned about her. He saw her gigantic lenses in her house. And because he also loves being in front of cameras, he'd always pose for her. Or perhaps, he just loves catching her attention. "Let me see." He says to her after she took a photo of him. "Here." She shows him a picture she already edited with her mischievous smile. He'd frown then pout, "I wanna see my face." Then they'll run and play around the set like two little kids teasing each other. Ji Hoon has never been so happy.

I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do

Days passed and Ji Hoon slowly notices her cold feet. She won't let him drive her home anymore. He noticed how she makes up excuses so he won't be able to drive her home. Whenever he texts her to bring her food, she'll always say she's not in her house or that she already ate and stops him from coming. He'd let her, thinking he should give her time. But he's starting to be afraid. Did I make a mistake? Did I make her feel uncomfortable? Am I annoying her too much?, all of these thoughts are keeping him awake in that 2 days of not being with Hyesoo. But this question almost broke his heart; What if she doesn't feel the same way?

'Cause I'll never be with you

After that 2 days, another day came and they finished filming early. Ji Hoon sensed that Hyesoo's going home already so he went to her. Please, let me drive you home today, please let me be with you today, his heart has been wishing that all throughout their filming. He's crossing his fingers behind his back as he asks her to let him drive her home. When he knew he's about to get rejected again, he cuts her off, "Please, pleaase? I won't talk, I promise. Just let me be with you today. Please." He's that desperate, thinking that she probably don't want a talkative person. Maybe she's fed up with me, he thought. That thought hurts, but when he heard Hyesoo says, "Okay, just for today." his heart jumped and he couldn't hide his smile.

Yes, she caught my eye, as we walked on by

Ji Hoon would steal glances over Hyesoo all throughout the drive. He's not talking, just like he promised. He'd sigh, he didn't know he'd miss her in those 2 days. When they arrived at her house, he wanted to ask her if he can stay, but he stopped himself. Instead he just smiled at her and said, "Nothing, go inside. It's cold." He doesn't know if his desperation to be with her shows but that's what he feels. Hell, he's willing to risk everything. Just to be with you, his heart speaks. He watched her go inside her house as he feels his heart breaks little by little.

She could see from my face that I was flying high

Ji Hoon leans on his car and crosses his arms to keep his hands warm. He just stood there outside her house. He's thinking of how to tell her how he feels. He plans to tell her after Hyena ends. He knows if he tells her now, it could affect their work. He smiles at his thoughts. He recalled his first confession, he was in middle school. He was so nervous but his friends were supportive and they helped him. Too bad he got rejected. After that, he focused in his studies then his modelling career. And when he started acting, that's when he became famous among women. He didn't have problems confessing then since it’s the other way around.

And I don’t think that I’ll see her again

Ji Hoon never thought he had to confess again after a very long time. He never thought he'd meet someone who'd make him fall head over heels. He smiles at that thought. He once said he's scared of marriage because it never turns out well. So he promised himself, he'll never get married for convenience, unless it's true love. Unless it's true love, he whispers as he looks at Hye Soo's house. He shivers when the wind blows.

But we shared a moment that will last ‘til the end

He knew he found the one. He knows his heart so well; he's never felt this way. His train of thoughts stopped when he couldn't take the cold any longer. So he opens his car's compartment for some hot packs. He gets three packs, but he thought he'll stay there for a while so he gets it all. He inserted it in his coat, and he closes the buttons so it won't fall out. Then he puts his hands in his pockets. He leans on his car again to stare at Hye Soo's house. Just for today, he thought and smiled.

You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful

Ji Hoon never thought he’d get this close to Hye Soo. He never thought he’d see her as a woman; more than just his sunbae or co-worker. Everyday he’s with her, every moment they shared, even the littlest moment, he will never forget. It’s like his life has been dull and bland, until he met Hye Soo, then he began seeing things differently. He’s known for being quirky and goofy in his interviews and filming set, but it’s all because he wanted to diminish the awkwardness between him and his co-workers. But with Hye Soo, he’s quirky and goofy, but mature and serious at the same time. He wanted her to feel comfortable around him, but more than that, he wanted to make her happy.

You’re beautiful, it’s true

He doesn’t plan on leaving anytime soon. He plans to stay, to be with her for a very long time. He plans to choose her over everything else; even his career. He lets out a deep breath as he shivers. He gets cold easily, it’s his weakness. But for some reason today, he feels stronger. He has never stood outside in the cold before. But standing there, in front of Hye Soo’s house, made him feel like he can stand there forever.

Yeah, I saw your face in a crowded place and I don’t know what to do

He was looking down at his shoes because he feels something tingly somewhere in his ankle. Then he heard Hye Soo’s gate opens. He lifts his head and there she is, in front of him. “Hey! What are you doing out here?” He’s startled a little, but he smiled sweetly at her. “Nothing, I just wanted to be here.” He answers her but his heart speaks otherwise, I just wanted to be with you. She asks him how long he has been there; he opens his coat to show her the hot patches. Suddenly, he felt the cold all over his body. “I never left since I drove you home.” He smiled faintly.

‘Cause I’ll never be with you

Worry is written all over Hye Soo’s face and Ji Hoon can see it. He knew he’s crazy when that made him a bit happy. She’s worried about me, he smiled at that thought. And when she pulls him inside, he feels like he could die of happiness any moment. Before, he’ll feel guilty for worrying his mom whenever he gets sick because of the cold. But now, it’s different, of course he still feels guilty for worrying Hye Soo and bothering her. But thinking that she’ll take care of him and he’ll get to be with her, makes him like the cold a little more than before.

You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful

When they’re finally inside her house, his guilt started eating him up. He looks at Hye Soo and he realized she’s going somewhere because of her outfit. I’m such a bother to her, he thought. So he draws back and pulls his hand from her, “I’m sorry, I’m such a bother. I’m okay now, I’ll go home.” He said to her while smiling. He tried to hide his faintness from her; he doesn’t want to think that he’s forcing her to take care of him. So he’ll just leave. I’m okay, now that I saw you, he thought.

You’re beautiful, it’s true

Hye Soo blinks when he pulls back his hand, but she grabs it again. “Stay. I’ll make some soup.” She said to him while pulling him. She made him sit on the couch and he lets out a deep sigh. Hye soo went to her kitchen. Ji Hoon lies down; he never thought he could miss a couch like this. This is crazy. Crazy but comfy, he chuckles at that thought. He stares at the ceiling then he crosses his hands on his chest. He’s still freezing.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face

He feels dizzy so he closed his eyes. His mind and his heart are all over the place. He can’t help but to be happy at the moment. He’s cold but he feels warm. If it takes him to stand in the cold that long just to be with Hye Soo, he’ll gladly do so. If it takes him to give up his career and live his life with Hye Soo, he’ll drop everything for her. Even if he’s so afraid of commitment, responsibility and marriage life, he’s more than willing to face his fears head on. Hell, he will gladly risk everything just to be with Hye Soo; even if it’s his health or his career. A lifetime with her doesn’t compare to everything he has now.

When she thought up that I should be with you

He’ll plan his confession after the filming ends. He knows they can’t have a normal date outside so he’ll just show up in her house and just like the usual; they’ll eat together and drink their coffee. They’ll watch her favourite indie movies and listen to David Bowie’s songs. Imagining these things feels therapeutic for him. He smiles at his thoughts. He’s excited to tell her how he feels; to tell her how much he loves her.

But it’s time to face the truth

Of course, Ji Hoon would naturally feel afraid of the consequences. He’ll think how hurt he’ll be when Hye Soo doesn’t feel the same way as him. He has to be ready in case Hye Soo rejects him. It’ll be hell for him, but he won’t force her into something she doesn’t really want. If ever Hye Soo rejects him, he’s willing to let her go. He’ll still love her though, in a distance. He probably won’t be able to get over her forever. Ji Hoon will always be her fanboy. And he’ll remember every memory he had with her. He’s about to tear up when he heard Hye Soo’s steps coming over. He kept his eyes closed.

I will never be with you

“Ji Hoon-ssi, here’s—“ he heard her say. Ji Hoon doesn’t know why he kept his eyes closed when his mind is wide awake. He felt her presence, beside him. Ji Hoon’s heart is pounding hard, as if he’s having palpitations. But he’s not; it’s because of his excitement and anticipation. What is she doing? he asks in his mind. She puts a blanket on him and he felt her hand gently massaging and running her fingers through his head. It’s relaxing so Ji Hoon felt his heart calm a bit, but the next thing he knew, his world stops because he’d hear Hye Soo whispers, “I love you.”

~

[placebogirl7]

Nana analysis: the real face of music industry

Despite in the manga it has been thought as a funny scene (Takumi and Reira just told to their music label’s president that he was an idiot), I’ve realized just now that in Takumi’s words “he used to be a well known musician too, why’d he turn out this way?” there is basically the essence of how (unfortunately) music industry and music business works. These words reflect the fear and the fate of several musicians, included the ones in the manga. Narita is the emblem of how, often, the bright world of music is actually not so bright.

Under cut the rest!  

According to Takumi, Narita used to be a famous musician (Takumi says also that he’s talentless but we can’t say it for sure, for Takumi everyone is talentless apart from him and his band -.-). Even if Narita’s past was so bright, even if the spotlights were on him, even if he was loved by fans... what is the meaning of all this? What is this for? Now he’s the president of a music label, but actually he’s less than zero because the real head of all is Takumi. He just spend his time asking Takumi what they have to do and providing drugs to Ren (and who knows, maybe taking drugs himself). Maybe people have forgotten him since he’s not in the spotlight anymore. It can even be that once, when he was young as the guys in Trapnest and Blast, like them he had hopes for his career, he believed that with his music he could remain in the history, he want to be loved by many fans... but reality is very different, music world can be merciless. One day you’re on top, the other day you’re no one. When you’re not “perfect” anymore for your fans, they easily forget you for someone else that is more perfect than you. But once you’ve been on top, it’s hard to get down and accept that the golden age has come to an end, so you try everything to stay on the cutting edge but it’s usless. That’s the point where problems like drugs, alcool and depression come out. Narita seems to not have those problems, but in the end it remains the fact that he, who once was famous and appreciated, now is just an incompetent president of a little music label and even the artists who work under him don’t have respect for his figure. For many musicians who dream to make it big, their biggest desire is to make listen their music to the world, to make people dream with their songs, to tell their stories through the lyrics of their song. But once they made it big, once they’re on the top... everything becomes a matter of business. There is no more space for dreams, music is not something to make other people dream, is something to make money. Narita’s vision (and also Takumi’s one) is exactly this: as long as I can make money and be on top, everything is ok. It’s not important if the artists under my music label aren’t happy or satisfied or if they are disappointed by the world that they believed to be different: what really matter is that they continue to bring money in my pocket. It’s sad, especially for people who loves music and consider it a part of their lives (like me), but that’s the cruel reality of music industry.

Let’s see in the details how the real face of music industry has affected the characters in Nana:

- Nobu: he’s probably one if not the main example among all the other character. He wanted to make it big in the music industry with all his heart, he wanted to make all Japan hear Nana’s voice and their punk songs. But punk was already underground at the beginning of 2000, it was something that only some people would have appreciate. So Gaia Music rejects all his punk songs and force him to write more pop-ish song. This makes him feel unsatisfied and he’s loosing faith in the bright music world he has dreamt for all his life. It’s not important what you like or how you feel when you play it or how other people (even if few) feel when you play it: it’s important how much you gain from your songs. Business over feelings.    

- Nana: contrary to Nobu, she’s more material and her pourpose is not only to sing punk songs, but even to make money with those songs. But she just wants to sing and she gets annoyed when she has to spend her days making interviews, photo shoots, TV quiz, acting in TV dramas ecc. Big music labels like Gaia have the tendency to transform musicians in actors, models and whatever they can as long as this brings money in their pocket. Business over real passion.

- Ren: he’s the perfect portrait of the tortured artist. He put career over love, but love is what he actually needs. So he takes drugs to try to overcome the emptiness, but it’s not enough. He doesn’t want to disappoint the system that has given him the opportunity to be someone, because he feels he owes this to his band, to his music label, to the sponsor and to everyone who let him be “Japan’s guitar hero”. He must fulfill his duties as a soldier in the big Trapnest machine at any cost, even if it requires sacrificing his love (and so himself).  Business over oneself and love. 

- Reira: she’s the perfect example of how being on top doesn’t necessarily mean to be happy and satisfied. She’s so high in the olympus of stars that nobody can reach her, so she feels alone. She has the feelings that nobody can hear her songs. Sometimes success doesn’t mean happiness (and if Nana O. had become friends with Reira, maybe she would have understand that). All that glitters is not gold. She sees how Takumi treats everyone as soldiers and thinks more about the band than about people in the band (ref. to Ren’s drug problem). Business over happiness.

- Naoki: despite he always acts as he’s deeply satisfied of his life and he lives in the fairytale world, in the special chapter dedicated to his story Naoki says “I have all the money I need, I can get everything I want. But amidst this luxury, I feel empty. If I could experience one real love, that'd be enough". Naoki is the only one who does not have a girlfriend. He’s happy to have many fans among girls, but when he comes home there is no girlfriend or wife to wait for him. He maybe doesn’t have time to date girls, since he’s always so busy with work. Business over everyday life.

Anyway, I find interesting how an insignificant character like Narita can bring a message so strong for the entire story! This is Ai Yazawa after all, genius are genius untill the end! ;)     

[fallingstarsarentreal]

The Blue-Haired Minnie Mouse/ Purple Hoodie Guy

September 14, 2020 (6 months after Hellish pandemic break loose)

The situation is not getting any better in the Philippines. Everything is just being a huge joke here and we’re not actually getting proper response from the high ranking officials. Hence, I cannot help but feel quite hopeless with the situation. Also, the toxicity of my fandom has been getting to me at one point in time. So I have decided to go away for a bit, and go back to what soothes me at hard times, Music.

Truth be told, I liked his former band’s music, but I’m not in to the point that I will be stanning them as hard as I am doing right now. (I’m really not into KPOP except for Blackpink so I don’t have much reference... And I usually like ballad and relaxing songs.) I didn’t have the time to watch series then because I was too busy in my former job. Also, I have been into writing way before, so I would be satisfied with listening to their music from time to time.

However, by the time that I have fallen in love with their band, 9by9th, I found out that their “End Route” means the end already, no more renewal of contract of 1 year. I was quite devastated with the news and I kinda took it hard and tried to go fan girl over series instead. *SOBS*

(9x9th members: L-R: Thanapob, Ryu, Captain, Porsche ^^, JameyJames, Third, Jackie, Jaylerr, IceParis)

When Trinity debuted, I was really focused on Third and I can remember that I cried over their MV (Hater’s Got Nothing) because I thought that Third will be able to continue with what he’s passionate about. (Third is originally from Kamikaze group but the company disbanded, and his second group is 9x9th but disbanded as well after one year). I kind of followed them for a bit but then I started managing Philippine Fan club bases of my favorite series, with everything that happened, I got too busy... but all I can remember then was the old me crying because I cannot buy the merchandise from before. (Quite a noob then and I didn’t know about pasabuys and stuff.. so yeah). T_T.

(Trinity members: L-R: Jackie, Porsche <3, JMJ, Third)

Before hell broke lose in the whole world, I had the opportunity to go back to Thailand for the second time and I met those artists that I am following. I actually wanted to meet Trinity but there was no opportunity for me to do so because I didn’t even check their schedule then and I think there wasn’t any update regarding their work, so yeah... T_T. (Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed my stay in Bangkok)

So yeah.. After probably taking in shit from the govt for about 7 months already, and toxicity from something that I really used to enjoy and made me smile, I started to distance myself for a bit because what I really need now is not stress, but something that will probably lift up my mood. So what I did was to stress myself even further... watch mystery series that will probably make your head burst into thinking... so in the end, I actually stopped watching BL series and stumbled into their first series together as 9x9 boys, In Family We Trust.

So an excerpt from Wikipedia says,

The Jiraanan family is a wealthy ethnic Chinese business family, whose extended family spans three generations. Grandfather (A-gong) and Grandmother (A-ma) have four children. Prasoet, the eldest son, heads the family business, Jirananta Hotel, and manages its main Bangkok location, while Phatson, the only daughter, manages its Pattaya branch. Met, the second son, is a single stay-at-home parent, while the youngest son Konkan lives a playboy lifestyle. Among them (and a deceased fifth sibling), they have nine third-generation children. The family members seem to get along well as they celebrate A-gong's birthday, but when he dies of old age shortly after, and his will is revealed to exclude Phatson from inheritance of the hotel, she gets into an argument with Prasoet regarding its management. Prasoet is then found dead from a gunshot in his bedroom, and Phatson becomes a prime suspect. Prasoet's wife Chris also becomes suspected when it is revealed that Prasoet had been seeing a mistress for twenty years. The grandchildren, especially Prasoet and Chris's son Pete and Phatson's eldest son Yi, become involved as each family tries to prove their innocence and uncover the mystery of the case.

This was the first time that I started to look at him. Porsche played the character of Kuaitiao, the orphaned grandson who lived with Grandpa and Grandma. Kuaitiao is actually an art student here and he’s passionate about his drawings.

What probably captured my attention is his ability to lighten up the mood around him. Even at awkward situations he was able to make me laugh. And probably the fact that he’s close to his grandma and a sweet grandchild even if he’s an adopted one. It kinda got into me. I’ll be honest. There was a scene where Grandma wouldn’t eat, and he pretended to be angry and did not eat as well. I found it cute and smiled at first, but after few moments, I was sobbing already. He made me miss my grandma who passed away last July 15.

Over all, I loved his acting here. Rating 4.5/5

(But please, don’t make him cry because I’ll end up crying as well).

(He’s such a precious person guys, pleaseeeee... make him smile a lot, okay?)

So, of course, once you’re interested in your new bias wrecker’s work, you’re going to check his latest and previous works, right? So what I did next is watched their latest series (still with 9x9 boys, but this time, it was 7/9 only. I just found out that Thanapob cannot join the series anymore because he’s busy filming another series and Ryu is actually an actor of another channel. Hence, his few appearances as Macao in In Family We Trust) entitled as, Great Men Academy.

(Great Men Academy Cast: Porsche as P’Good <3, Third as Nuclear, JameyJames as Love, Jackie as Menn, Captain as Sean, Jaylerr as Tangmo, and IceParis as Vier)

The excerpt of the story is as stated below,

Love (Chanyapuk Numprasop) has always been a fan of the popular guy Vier (Paris Intarakomalyasut) of the famous all boys high school Great Men Academy, but she has never had the chance to meet him. One day, she sees the mystical unicorn rumored to fulfill wishes and wished for her love for Vier to get a chance.

Unfortunately, the unicorn interpreted her wishes in a different way and Love wakes up to find herself in a male's body. She is able to switch between genders under the condition that she must return as a girl before midnight each night. Love attends Great Men Academy as a guy, and works through the complications of winning Vier's heart and meeting new people while trying to keep her identity a secret.

I actually fell in love with P’Good’s character here because he’s such a stern but doting brother. Good is kinda strict when it comes to Love at first because he has to be strong for their whole family because his dad passed away. He’s a very smart guy, yet clumsy fellow. He can also be shy when it comes to Me. (His crush in the series. Why can’t it be “me” instead? Just kidding).

Over all, I loved how he brought to life my favorite glasses ikemen on this series. He made me cry with the way he handled the vulnerability of his sister, Love. His acting for me in this series is a complete 5.0/5.0! *For the love of Good, Please?*

I rest my case. I’m dying again of spazzing to Phi Good. (Okay. I have a huge crush on this character. The character, okay?!) hahaha

Wait... let me breathe for just a bit... *hyperventilates in Good’s name*

Then after watching the said series, I started to rewatch their Elements MV. And that got me hooked. I noticed his talent in rapping, singing and dancing that I wouldn’t have normally seen in the first place because I have a bias of my own before.

It’s like the more that I watch him, the more I fall for this person (in terms of being a fan of his). I kind of accepted that he’s my bias on Trinity now when I saw this video. (ปาว ปาว (Shout) – V.R.P kamikaze)

I’ve been reading articles about him when I came across the interview of Bangkok Post with Third and Porsche regarding their new work. (being 9x9th members and In Family We Trust). I found out that Porsche was actually a member of VRP of Kamikaze and I watched all his previous work. So when I saw the video Paw Paw/ (Shout), I burst into laughter. I knew from that time that he’s such a funny guy and he’s giving me positive vibes.

As I continued watching, I saw him with a Minnie mouse headband, and I lost it... I laughed a lot, which I rarely do these days. So by then, I wasn’t able to help it, I started to love this kid more.

I continued to watch all the showcases, the fancams, the v-live videos, the vlogs about him and goodness gracious, I am really swoon. This kid is such an interesting person and I really regret not knowing him right away.

As I get to know him, the more I admire him. I mean... for real, it’s even funny knowing his quirks. Like he likes to draw stuff, he likes to play the piano, he loves Anime and his favorite anime is Hitman Reborn! (I wonder if he likes Hibari Kyoya too). Anyway aside from his talent, another selling factor of him to me is his positivity towards life.

“Don't worry na krub, all TWILIGHT. No matter what will happen in the future or the situation, we are always TRINITY and we will do better than before krub.” #XXSIVK #PorscheSivakorn 

His positivity and his ambition would inspire you to do well and go on no matter how difficult things may be.

Thank you Porsche, you are indeed a good source of a breather in my life. Things have been quite difficult in the Philippines and no matter how much I wanted to take a vacation now, I can’t. Your music makes me smile a lot and at times, I forget my worries when I watch you dance. It’s like watching someone you idolize do what they love to do and give it all with passion makes you motivated as well and keeps you going.

Truth be told, you remind me of one of my favorite persons. He used to be brimming with life. But covid made things difficult for him... well it made things difficult for everyone. I really hope he gets his footing soon.

PS. I might not be able to get to know you in person in this life, but I really wish you success. I will always be watching from afar. :)

I’ll be waiting for your come back again. Thanks a bunch XX :)

[sally-mun]

Ever met a celebrity or anybody famous? The most famous person I've met was a former pro boxer, by the name of Ray 'Boom-Boom' Mancini at a charity dinner at the banquet center I worked at 4 years ago. Nicest man you'd ever meet and he even sent me a signed autograph picture in the mail. I'm a Star Trek fan and I'd love to meet the cast of TNG, but autographs and conventions are so expensive. Of course there's the chance you could catch one of them on a bad day and get the brunt of it

If we’re including conventions, then yeah I’ve met several famous people before. I’ve met and gotten autographs and/or selfies from voice actors and screen actors, and I’ve occasionally met some artists too! Outside of that, though, I can’t really say I have. Even my best and most extensive meeting was still at a convention. You could even argue that Mario Marathon was kind of a convention in a sense, albeit a super limited one!

I wasn’t sure if I should include a list or not, so as a compromise I’m going to do so below a cut!

Voice Actors:

Sonny Strait (voice of Krillin) -- Got to spend basically an entire day with him! Unexpectedly encountered him at a convention waaaay way back in the day and he just kind of adopted me and the other handful of fans that were hanging around. He gave us all free DBZ CCG t-shirts, let us sit in the DBZ hummer, and signed anything we put in front of him!

Christopher Sabat (voice of Vegeta) -- I brought him a set of cookies made to look like dragon balls, and brought my favorite Vegeta card that I’d been saving for something like 17 years or so on the off-chance I could ever get it signed. He was so moved and impressed that he gave me two other autographs for free~

Todd Haberkorn (voice of Jaco) -- This was the same convention where I got to meet Chris Sabat, and I also brought him a box of cookies. He was so excited that he dug into them right then and there, and then when signing my card he even wrote “Thanks for the galactic cookies!”

Chuck Huber (voice of Android 17/Hiei) -- I’ve gotten autographs from him a couple of times for different characters. One of the items I got signed was one of the original Hiei action figures back when Yu Yu Hakusho first debuted in the US. He was impressed that I had it at all, let alone that it was in the box. (Amusingly, the only reason I did was because I had one previous to it that was out of the box on display and whose sword had broken. I got a new one intending to replace it, but just never opened it.)

Chris Rager (voice of Mr. Satan) -- SUCH a nice guy! We had a nice little chat and I offered him some dragon ball cookies I’d been handing out that day. He signed my trading card and took a selfie with me! I caught him at a panel where he told some absolutely amazing behind-the-scenes stories that I still tell to other people to this day.

Chris Cason (voice of Tien) -- Not much to say about this encounter, I didn’t get to say much more than a hello and thank you before he had to go. I’d missed the official signing session and just happened to catch him after a panel.

Team Four Star -- I catch these guys every opportunity I can manage, and every time I bring them some DBZ-themed treat. I refer to myself as “Snack Girl” when I come to get autographs, and at my last encounter Lanipator mentioned that I looked familiar when I came to the table, so I guess I’m making an impact! I have several stories concerning these guys, way too many to list here.

Little Kuriboh (YGOA voice of Merik, DBZA voice of Freeza) -- Amusingly I met him the time I was at a convention in my Piccolo costume, and that ended up being a whole conversation by itself. It then immediately turned into a conversation about Fallout because someone had brought him some New Vegas playing cards, lol. He was enamored with the trading card I had brought him to sign, and we had a discussion about a fund raiser he’d hosted to raise money for disaster relief where I’d won one of the auctions he’d held.

Kevin Conroy (voice of Batman) -- I found out very late that he was going to be in town, like maybe a week or two before, and dropped EVERYTHING to be able to meet him. When I was in line for an autograph I was so worked up that I kept getting light headed and having heart palpitations. By the time I actually made it to the table I was so starstruck that I could barely say anything. I’m pretty sure I said “I can’t believe you’re here” (??? wtf past-me) and something about him being so talented. He thanked me and didn’t really say much. I had also paid for a photo with him, and in the photo you can see my hand gripping the side of my leg REALLY tightly because I had a very strong instinct to hug him and I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE THAT FANGIRL.

Charles Martinet (voice of most of the Mario cast) -- Holy shit, this man is playful! He was an absolute delight to talk to, and even just to watch with other people while I was in line. He was very open to whatever sorts of fan requests each person had and was just so warm and gracious with each person that came up. I mostly just wanted to shake his hand and tell him that Mario games basically set me up for the person I grew up to be today. The thing that amused me the most is that if you had him autograph one of the prints at the table, which had all the Mario characters on it, he’d do the voices of each character while doodling little word balloons for them~

Screen Actors:

John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who/Torchwood) -- This was one of the first times I’d gone to a convention specifically to meet an actor. He was a lot of fun and did his best to be chatty, but his handlers were kind of hurrying people along. He was especially tickled by my name (I guess he doesn’t sign too many autographs made out to “Leda”), and he even signed a second item that we happened to have for free!

Cary Elwes (Wesley in The Princess Bride, among other things) -- This was another one of those moments where the weight of just WHO I was meeting got to me and I completely lost my voice. I think I said something about having grown up watching Princess Bride ever since I was a little kid?? I honestly don’t remember what I said, it’s kind of a blur. All I know is that I was so struck by the moment that I didn’t even remember to say that I also love him in the Saw movies.

Billy Boyd (Pippin in Lord of the Rings) -- Not a lot I can say about this one because it was a very fast-paced, conveyor belt sort of affair. We exchanged greetings and he thanked us very much for coming out to see him, and we all agreed that Pippin is totes the best hobbit.

Robin Lord Taylor (Penguin in Gotham) -- One of my favorite interactions meeting a celebrity, for sure! He was actually really interested in knowing about -me-, which completely threw me off-guard. He wanted to know where I was from and what I did for a living, and when I said I was a manager at Spencer’s he got really excited and squeaked “I LOVE Spencer’s!” While he was signing my doll I explained that Penguin is by far my family’s favorite character in Gotham and that we had a joke where, anytime the show switches back to him, we say “Meanwhile, with the REAL main character...” He got a big kick out of that~

Khary Payton (King Ezekiel in The Walking Dead) -- So I don’t watch a huge amount of Walking Dead, but I watch enough that I wanted to come along when my mom went to go get an autograph from him for my brother. He’s definitely the friendliest celebrity I’ve encountered -- so much so that he wouldn’t stay behind the table! He spent the entire time in FRONT of the table so he could hug every single person that came to see him! It was a nice strong hug, too, and he was just so welcoming and pleasant. I told him that, if I had to choose one of the communities in The Walking Dead, I’d absolutely choose The Kingdom. He threw his hands up to his sides and said dramatically, “You will always have a place in my kingdom!”

Penn & Teller -- This year my mom took me on a surprise trip to Las Vegas, and while we were there we got to see Penn & Teller perform, which has always been a dream of mine! After the show they came out into the lobby and they did autographs and selfies with anyone that wanted one, and I got to meet them each. It was a little disarming hearing Teller talk, and Penn was as funny as ever because he’d loudly comment whenever someone’s phone wasn’t working. During this trip I also had my Boris plushie as my “traveling doll” and asked if they’d take pictures with him as well, which they both obliged. Teller seemed particularly amused by Boris.

James Rolfe (the Angry Video Game Nerd) -- So I actually have kind of a long history with him, which originated with me contacting the show to donate a fairly odd peripheral accessory. I given a green light and provided an address, and since I was going to be mailing him anyway, I basically just got a big box and threw in any video game related stuff that I didn’t want anymore and didn’t feel like putting the effort into selling. It ended up being a HUGE box, so much so that I included an inventory list to make sure he didn’t accidentally throw something away. To my surprise he actually mailed me back an autographed AVGN print thanking me for the donations! I thought that’d be the end of it, but he’s actually since featured that peripheral several times on the show, and even included an Easter egg that I asked for twice! This year I got to meet him at Too Many Games and introduced myself as the one that sent the item in. He mentioned that they had a lot of fun messing with it.

Mario Marathon team -- I’m known as one of the regulars since I’ve been around since the first year, and a couple of years ago I was actually invited to the marathon itself as a player! It’s definitely one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I only wish I could do it all over again! Everyone was just... wonderful~ I was there for several days so there’s obviously way too many stories to tell, but at least in this case you can always go watch the videos on Twitch.

Artists:

Steven Butler -- This was particularly amusing because I was the one that caught him by surprise. I happened to be making my way through the Artist Alley when I realized he was there, and since no one was at the table at the time I went over to talk to him. We had an awesomely long chat about his work (I was going through a sample book on the table) and his time drawing for the Sonic comics. He tried to bring it up as a talking point, and I told him “I know, I own some of your pages!” which REALLY threw him for a loop! He showed me some art for a new Sonic-style story he’s been working on, and I completely fell in love with a character that was clearly inspired by Sally (and I’m not just assuming, he confirmed as much). I then started talking about @fini-mun and how it’s only a shame he couldn’t meet Deebs too, and was talking about Deebs’ history with art and almost getting recruited to be in the Archie art stable as well and how they now do art streams. He was particularly interested in the streams, and I was like “Oh yeah, that’s actually why they aren’t here now, they have a stream today!” so he gave me a free print to pass along to Deebs as a show of interest and support!

Veronica Vera (from the Not Enough Rings comic) -- This was another chance encounter in Artist Alley. I was just kind of poking around to see everyone’s work, and I realized I recognized the comic she was selling. I commented that I loved that comic, and she said she was selling hardcover copies of the entire series. I love the comic and I wanted to show my support, so I bought a book and she signed the inside cover! Unfortunately Oliver Bareham wasn’t there at the time, so no autograph from him. Maybe one day if I’m incredibly lucky, I suppose.

Rich Koslowski -- This was at one of my very first conventions ever. He was an inker of the Sonic comics at the time, and I was only.... 12, I think? I mostly was just excited to be meeting someone that works on Sonic stuff, and I can’t remember much about the encounter aside from just babbling about liking Sonic. I remember him being very kind.

And unfortunately... Ken Penders --  This was at the same convention I just mentioned with Koslowski. As stated above I was only 12, and I was just excited to meet someone who works on Sonic stuff. I believe I was there because of a post on Archie’s Sonic website. Anyway what strikes me as the most surprising about this encounter is how -normal- it all was, at least as far as I remember it. I’ve heard some horror stories of Penders being horrible to fans at conventions, but at least way back at this time (like 1997 or so), he was passing for a normal human. He didn’t say anything mean to me (that I noticed), and he actually gave me some free Sonic loot, which I can’t imagine him ever doing nowadays. I still have the comic book he signed, and I legit consider burning it on a regular basis.

OKAY this ended up way longer that I thought it would. I think even -I- forgot how many people I’ve met before. If I think of anyone else I’ll add it to the list later!

[inspired-by-the-music]

Any Other Name Part 54.5

Jungkook x Reader

Note: Okay, guys. After this, I have only one more planned part for Any Other Name. So prepare yourself for the end!

A smile settled upon MC’s face as she placed her phone on the only exposed inch of hardwood flooring among the meticulously organized stacks of paperwork, drafts, and photographs given to her by Taehyung and Namjoon.

Since Jungkook would be visiting for the first time in far too long, perhaps her instinct should have been to race to the bathroom to assess her appearance. After all, she was wearing an exceptionally childish Winnie-the-Pooh onesie, and her makeup was nearly a day old since she had put it on that morning for her meeting with Jin, Taehyung, and Namjoon to discuss their upcoming project. Or at least she should have started to move her work out of the living room so Jungkook could actually walk from the front door to the sofa.

But she didn’t think to do any of those things. After grabbing her phone, MC delicately tiptoed over her laptop and the piles of paper to the window seat, where she would be able to see when Hobi dropped Jungkook off. Once again, her heart fluttered when she studied the familiar image on her screen— the very first picture she had ever taken of the boy who stole her heart at first sight, accompanied by the link to a song he recorded just for her. And she was so moved by the gesture, so captivated by the sight of that sentimental photograph, that she didn’t think to browse the comments.

Now, all that mattered was that warmth, that falling associated with every thought of him. All that mattered was how her heart stopped when Hobi pulled into her driveway. All that mattered was the sheepish smile on Jungkook’s face as he raced to the front door. All that mattered was how, as a greeting, she and Jungkook melted into an embrace. And as they laughed, flustered by Hobi’s enthusiastic cheers, MC realized these beautiful moments were all that mattered all along.

As MC took Jungkook by the hand to lead him to the window seat, he laughed, “Nice pajamas.”

Giggling herself, MC replied, “Thanks,” as she collapsed into the seat and pulled Jungkook into the spot next to her. They sat at opposite ends of the seat, as if afraid to be to close to one another despite the hug they shared just moments before .

Jungkook’s eyes dashed all over the room, perhaps wondering if anything had changed since his last visit. He asked, “What’s with the mountains of paper by the couch?”

Slightly embarrassed that she hadn’t tidied up, MC teased, “I thought you were here to win my heart back, not to criticize my living condition.”

With his own teasing grin, Jungkook leaned back against the wall. “Ahhh, but I thought I already had your heart. At least, that’s what your songs said.”

To flustered to respond, MC rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Those mountains of paper are for my new job. Your brother hired me to adapt one of Taehyung’s ideas into a screenplay. That boy has one active imagination.”

“Really? Hyung didn’t mention anything about a new project.”

“He was worried you and I weren’t gonna get back together,” MC explained gently, avoiding Jungkook’s gaze. “He said it was a strictly business decision, so I guess that’s why you were out of the loop.”

In a small voice, Jungkook begged, “Are we?”

And the unashamed desperation in his voice demanded MC’s attention. She saw that he was biting at his nails, a small frown tugging at his lips. She forced, “Are we what?”

“Are we gonna get back together?”

The outcome of the conversation was so obvious to MC, she couldn’t help but laugh lightly. “I dunno. Things are looking pretty good for you right now, but who knows what you say about me in your song? Maybe you’ll confess to hating me or something—”

“I don’t hate you,” said Jungkook flatly, evidently unamused by the joke. “Besides, do you really think Hoseok and Yoongi would produce a negative song about you?”

“Yoongi— no, he’s cool—”

“He’s completely wrapped around your finger,” said Jungkook, eyebrows raised. “Honestly, he likes you better than he likes me. He told me that himself!” Fighting a smile, MC continued, “But Hobi apparently has a problem with me, since he wanted to spit in my coffee or whatever.”

“He only had a problem with your Anysia persona because you stole all of Yoongi’s attention.” Then, more gently, he asked, “By the way, why did you release your album under that name?”

Somewhat stiffly, MC straightened as she wracked her brain for an answer. “At first, I didn’t really get why Yoongi insisted on a stage name, but now I get it.” She swallowed tightly, suppressing her emotions enough to speak, “I needed a safe place where I could express my feelings for you without everyone analyzing me, and doubting me, and misunderstanding me. It’s just— if we weren’t us, Jeon Jungkook, the fallen model-turned-actor, and MC, the daughter of the most famous American actress and deceased film executive, the weird younger sister who hides behind the camera and behind her best friend, the one who runs every time—”

As her voice faltered, Jungkook reached out to pull her against his chest. He simply muttered, “It’s okay,” and allowed her to continue with her explanation, this time with the support of his affection.

“I just thought that if we had any other names, people wouldn’t assume to know everything about us. We could be in love without people like Mandi and my sister trying to break it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“And by being Anysia, I was free from that. I was just exposing my feelings, and you were just listening. And that was exactly how I felt when I wrote Any Other Name with that pen name A.M. Salinger, before my identity was leaked. Nobody wants to take pictures of Anysia or A.M. Salinger. People only see the real me through my art.”

Following a deep sigh, Jungkook tightened his grip around her. “Yeah, I understand. I feel like people saw me, the real me, for the first time in Any Other Name even though I was just playing a character. That was the first time anybody looked at me without thinking of anyone else.”

“But I—” MC struggled to find the words before deciding to reach for Jungkook’s hand. And lacing her fingers through his, she said, “Being away from social media helped me realize that I don’t really care who else sees me, as long as you do.”

“I do,” Jungkook said immediately, his eyes sparkling with the positive turn in the conversation. “I always have, and I always will.”

Then, hiding her face behind her sleeve, she mumbled, “Ah, you can’t just say stuff like that.”

“But I mean it,” Jungkook said as he pulled her hand away from her face. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he said, “And I know you see me too, so I don’t need to wear masks anymore. As long as you understand how much I love you, I don’t care how many people misunderstand.”

Smiling contentedly, MC hummed, “I can’t believe anyone ever convinced me to let you go.”

“Bet we won’t do that again,” Jungkook winked and pulled headphones out of his pocket. He stopped in his tracks when he noticed MC shaking her head. “No? What’s the matter?”

“Can you sing the song yourself please?” Jungkook’s eyes widened at the request, but he sighed, relieved that she wasn’t shaking her head about the prospect of starting their relationship anew. “What? The recording will sound better—”

Bashfully, MC admitted, “I’d just rather hear a version nobody else gets to hear.” She giggled ecstatically when Jungkook’s hesitance crumbled, and he straightened himself against the wall.

“Fine, fine, just don’t tell Yoongi we didn’t listen to the recording. He might actually kill me if he he hears he stayed up past midnight working on a recording you didn’t even hear.”

[anticipatingevaporation]

Joker

I just came out of Joker, one of my most anticipated films of the year, and let me tell you. I have a lot of thoughts. Unfortunately they are frightfully mixed, so this is going to be part review, part me trying to work out exactly how I feel about this film…

So as a preface, I am both a DC fan and completely done with this superhero wave of films we’re somehow still stuck in. I haven’t gone to see the last 5 or so Marvel movies because I find they aren’t really doing anything innovative or new. They simply don’t appeal to me anymore. The only time I find myself interested in an upcoming superhero/comic book film is when I see it doing something new with the genre. Take the recent Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse, for example. The story structure, animation and choice to introduce Miles Morales was so intriguing to me, so I went to watch that film and loved it.

All of that being said, I was very excited to see Joker. I find the DC characters generally more interesting and complex and the dark tone this movie appeared to have really intrigued me.

Now I’m not a mega fan who has read every Batman comic, however I have read The Killing Joke, arguably the most famous one, and there is one quote in it that I kept coming back to. The Joker tells Batman “All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That’s how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.”  

This film delves into that idea in a thought-provoking fashion. Here, we are introduced to Arthur Fleck, a man whose life is plagued with tragedy. This film asks the question of what it would take for a man like that to snap. It explores the society this man finds himself in and whether or not they are complicit in who he becomes.

Joker does many things well. Firstly, this film would be nothing without Joaquin Phoenix’s performance. He is magnetic in this role. At every single moment, there is that flicker in his eye that depicts a man on the edge of madness. It is equally unnerving and fascinating. When his transformation is complete I found myself genuinely perturbed and afraid. This Joker is frighteningly real. Phoenix is in almost every frame of the film, and I honestly think it would have fallen apart in the hands of a less talented actor. At one point he is just so phenomenal that I said out loud, “He’s winning the Oscar.” There is no doubt this will go down as one of Phoenix’s best performances among many. He’s just that good.

The lore surrounding Batman has been well documented since the 1930’s and depicted in multiple forms again and again and again. It has been done so many times that it’s easy to become tired and difficult to alter without angering a huge number of fans. Joker has an interesting take on this well known story; controversially giving the titular character, someone who has famously never had a true backstory, an origin. A big part of the Joker’s character was the fact that it was never made clear what pushed him to become who he is. While some storylines suggested it, it has never been outright stated.

In director Todd Phillip’s adaptation, it is a cruel society that creates the Joker, thereby making everyone around him complicit in his downfall. It asks some very interesting questions about mental health and how those suffering are treated in society, particularly the lack of compassion people tend to have towards the mentally ill.

It also discusses class divides and the blatant disregard the 1% seem to have for the 99%, effectively creating a different interpretation of the famous Wayne family that I found very interesting and not an unbelievable stretch to take.

The score is also fantastic: a haunting string melody that is perfectly used to underscore the poignant moments of the film. The soundtrack is just as great; music is well placed to keep you in the world and highlight that 80’s timeframe.

I also loved the Joker’s look in this film. His suit and makeup are brilliant, the hairstyling and the way he walks. Right down to the laugh and why he laughs, a unique and brilliant choice this film makes. Everything about this character screamed the Joker. However it never felt like an imitation of a version of this character we had already seen. It was remarkably unique while also staying very true to the character. When Phoenix walks down the hallway, flowers in hand, you know it’s the Joker, but it’s also Phoenix’s Joker. He makes the character very much his own while encapsulating what it means to be the Joker. (More than can be said for some... other recent adaptations.)

However I don’t think I loved this film as a whole. That being said I think this is certainly a film that makes you think about it for a while and this opinion may very well change in a day, or a week or upon repeat viewing. But based on this first watch, I think my issues with this film lie with the plot itself.

I think while I loved the individual elements of the story, and the character, performances, style and tone, I didn’t feel they all connected smoothly and cohesively all the time. At times it felt like a series of brilliant moments that lacked connective tissue melding them together. That being said, I’m really glad to see a film that doesn’t feel pressure to give you all the answers all the time. Some plot points are deliberately left unclear, which leaves room for debate and falls firmly in line with the Joker’s famous lack of backstory.

The plot itself had numerous twists and misdirects that left me genuinely shocked and on the edge of my seat throughout. I like that it left me guessing. I couldn’t predict what was coming next.

My biggest issue with this film is that it is very direct and clear with its themes. In that it lacks subtlety at times. One of my biggest pet peeves in movies is dialogue that sounds clunky and unrealistic. There was more than one instance of heavy handed and on the nose dialogue to be found here. Particularly during a climactic scene that took me out of the film for a bit.

When I say the film is direct and clear with its themes, I mean that there are clear bad and good lines being drawn. So while the cruel and unforgiving society is the impetus for Arthur Fleck’s transformation into Joker, it often felt like everything was going wrong for him, in order to justify his evil turn. Bad thing after bad thing kept happening to him to the point of absurdity. I understand that the point is to show Gotham as a nightmare place to be, but when Arthur gets beaten up for the 3rd or so time, it started to feel ridiculous and excessive.

Every single person in Arthur’s life treats him poorly. There is no compassion to be found anywhere for this man. Which makes his turn understandable but the world to be somewhat unrealistic and extremely grim. I personally find the morally grey far more fascinating than the straight up black. So I felt at moments that if this dark world was given more complexity, more twisted corruption as opposed to point blank awfulness, it would feel more realistic and that much more upsetting.

I think Phillips was just scratching the surface with what he could do with this world and I would like to see it delved into deeper, to expose what other horrors Gotham contains.

This film has gone through quite a bit of controversy for the violence and potential message it could spread. While I completely understand the possible criticism that this film simply gives those who are already unstable and wanting to incite violence a justification for their actions and an example to emulate, I have to say that:

It is not the onus of a filmmaker or artist to deliver a “positive message” through their art. It is to make their audience think, to influence their emotions and perhaps make them reconsider how they see the world. It is simply ridiculous to hold an artist responsible for how audiences respond to their art.

Joker, while a compelling character to watch, is never framed as a hero. He is a legitimately frightening individual whose life is never painted as something to strive towards. This is a troubled individual’s story and it is horrifying to watch.

In the end, despite the small problems I had with the film (I don’t think I loved it), it definitely made me think. I love this angle being taken towards DC characters. It is high time Warner Bros. understand that this is the treatment these characters need. Poorly emulating something else disappoints everyone. This film is doing so well because it is depicting this character in the way he should be shown.

These dark, gritty and realistic takes on comic book characters are far more intriguing to me. They make the viewer think about the society they live in, the injustices that are occurring and what we can do to put an end to them. This is where comic book stories shine, when they make us consider our own world in a new light.

While I didn’t completely love Joker, or instantly think it my favourite film, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since the credits rolled. And I think that is the type of film we need in the comic book space. One that makes us think, discuss and debate.

I’m starting to think that Joker didn’t give me what I wanted, but perhaps it’s what I needed…

[21secondsofchristoph]

Here is a full translation of the interview with the FAZ:

Mr Waltz, statistically you're a rarity. Only five percent of all actors in Los Angeles manage to get enough jobs to get accepted into the SAG. And out of that group, only about five percent earn enough to make a living out of their art.

Becoming an actor is like becoming a father: really easy. Being and staying an actor is much harder.

We're meeting today, because you're not playing the villain for once, but some kind of action-hero in James Cameron's Manga movie "Alita: Battle Angel"

As a futuristic doctor you revive a cyborg from Mars, so you're basically working on the interface of human and machine

Haha, you could put it like that! I like that!

When the story was published as a comic in 1990 it was considered Science-fiction. Today, people like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos actually work on brain implants and dream of colonies on Mars. Have you dealt with such things as preperation?

I don't take Elon Musk seriously. His behavior strikes me as ridiculous and you can't forget that he has a commercial interest in the topic's sensation. I've already watched moon landing's and flights into space as a child. Is it really necessary to introduce billionaires into space tourism? Well, we will see what happens. I am interested in new technologies but it's difficult to seperate them from journalism of sensation, even if it's dressed seriously.

In time, a lot of things might be possible that I can't even imagine right now. But there is another question: the question of necessity.

The market economy drives our world into an orgy of uselessness. It damages our planet and our lives on it. Who wants to live on Mars? That we will all be unemployed and the environment destroyed is in no relation to any use.

Can one stop the progress if it's useless?

Not as long as someone benefits from it.

What about the desire for disruption?

Disrupting something is an easy action, replacing it with something useful is not.

I'm always ready to disrupt something if there is a useful counterproposal. Not necessarily until then.

A lot of things are turned upside down in film industry. Netflix not only revolutionized the concept of television, it also produces exciting movies. And Youtube even has its own celebrities among the new generation.

Over the past few months I've watched some movies which hadn't been produced without Netlflix. For example the winner of the Venice Film Festival "Roma". Movies like that wouldn't run longer than 3 weeks in theaters. Through the premiers and prices it now receives the attention it deserves. And after that it's on Netflix. As superficial as I can see that, it's not the worst thing.

In contrast to that, I don't have a hard time with not watching Youtube. It's probably a cultural matter and depends on how we want to shape our lives. Of course it's also a generational matter. But why is that? Just because someone is younger, it doesn't mean they are predestined for entertainment through videoclips.

You have 4 children. You have to be familiar with this world. Where do you see the difference to your generation?

In school we were always confronted with things we didn't like, but which we couldn't dispose of.

That's where the wonderful word "Bildung" comes from, which doesn't exist in English. Education refers to an information value. "Bildung" goes further than education through its cultural formation. When I was in school I also didn't understand why I had to study Latin. But not wanting to learn Latin would have never occured to me. Just because no one speaks it anymore and learning it seemed uncomfortable.

And did you like it?

It created connections within a language, trained precise phrasing, as well as logic and discipline. It's certainly more challenging to learn an abstract language than watching a funny Youtube video.

About for or five years ago you warned Facebook might be a breeding ground for the fast growth of terror organisations. Are you surprised that it also seems to threaten western democracies now?

Not at all. History has taught us that medium and structure can be more dangerous than the message, because it's easier to handle the problematic movement than the well oiled machine that keeps it going. Especially when algorithms control the dynamics in the networks, those networks can become independent.

Some hope that societies might improve through a "Wutbürger"-culture and a crazy government.

At best, all of that just has entertainment value.

So maybe not anyone should always add their opinions?

If you don't have anything clever to say you should shut your mouth. But actually it's the other way around. Apart from this choir of stupidity being really annoying, people who haven't developed the resistance and sensors might fall for the noise. Whoever shouts the loudest ends up being heard.

You are known for keeping your private life private. How does that match marketing's and fan's expectations?

Fame is an unsolved problem, not only for me.

You either remain an anonymous observer without a bigger platform to present your realizations. That is an unfortunate paradox because the people who get the chance to move in public have to deal with growing fame while they also distance themselves from the influences and experiences of real life.

Studies have shown that introverts would handle most jobs better. But they tend to get cast out by the loudmouths.

I can imagine that. Self- and foreign perception are a tricky thing. I can remember the first Loveparades in Berlin which I saw on TV. I always avoided the event myself. In the interviews, people were saying things like: "We celebrate our individuality!" And there were one million people that all looked the same. The music was a monotonous bum-bum-bum and I always tried to spot a moment of individuality.

You've been living in the centre of individuality for a while now. Do you still consider the United States of America governable?

Maybe not as a federation. The question I'm interested in is whether the USA as a federation are still worthy of governance. California alone is the fifth largest economy in the world.

In an interview from 2003 you talked about posing, about film makers who eroticise themselves and about how to stand yourself

Oh God, I remember.

Are you currently able to stand yourself?

Sometimes. But it's not easy.

At that time you weren't a Hollywood star and you made yourself very clear in interviews.

"Schindler's list" is mendacious because Spielberg might have thought "that type of movie still lacks from my collection of movies about dinosaurs and UFOs

Or that Roberto Benigni's "Life is Beautiful" is "crap" because it communicates that it's alright to laugh about concentration camps. "when it's a tender laugh"

Do you still dare to say such things now that you constantly meet other Hollywood stars?

In Germany, yes. In America, no.

Do you believe it's better to become famous later in life? And does aging feel better when you're at least famous while you're aging?

Hopefully both, right? As a young man you often experience the world through tunnel vision, because you impatiently want to experience everything, even though you can't sort a lot of things right. If the attention hits you at that point in life, you get in danger of stirring towards a dead end where you don't develop well.

Do you believe you became more careful and more lenient over the years and success?

You're becoming more careful and more lenient. I never thought of that before. I thought: Now I suddenly step back a little. You become more lenient when you connect yourself to it. In a strict German way you could call it cowardice, because you gain another point of view, the insight. And apart from the experience and the success it might be due to the abrasion of the testosterone-related edges.

[decepti-geek]

My dumbass Strictly Come Dancing AU masterpost

So Strictly finally featured a dance to Power of Love a while back! which meant that like a fool, I ran away and started earnestly working on a silly idea I’d been sitting on, and this is the result. Heavy on the cygate, with Rodimus and Minimus as accidental breakout stars, a LOT of Postmodern Jukebox music, and a veeeery haphazard work-in-progress playlist.

The point of this is basically to make people who watch the show giggle a bit, I guess, but also! If anyone has any idea of who would judge/host (cause I got nothin’), or even ideas for extra couples, PLEASE drop by my inbox, and ditto a thousand times over if anyone can think of new song/dance style pairings for any of the couples!!! I wanna Talk about this AU okay, it’s silly and fluffy and it’s been giving me joy for months and hopefully it’ll be fun for people who read it too.

Under a cut cause this got L O N G.

A couple of notes: I’m definitely moving musicals week to much earlier in the competition, since musicals are like, a good 25% of my overall music taste, which doesn’t translate well to only having four or so couples left at that point. And a note about who the minibots get paired with - I know actual Strictly tends to match for height, but I feel like in Cybertronian society that could be taken in… a variety of bad ways, not least perpetuating the idea of former disposables or similar only being allowed to dance with other disposables. So I figure with this one, the system’s a little different (also i just want my OTPs to dance together okay).

This is also, admittedly, more drama-filled than actual Strictly appears to the casual viewer, BUT I know the tabloids make much of the show even if I’m not a habitual tabloid reader.

(And I know I have a lot of charlestons in here, shush, it’s my favourite dance).

So! Thus far, the professional dancers/celebs I have outlined are:

Brainstorm - who, honestly, is basically Kevin. He’s willing to push things a bit further than the others with choreography and concepts, and sometimes he does push things a bit too far and they come out kinda weird to the judges (think the charleston to Cantina Band), but still adored by the popular vote. It makes for an interesting combination when he’s matched with serious, dedicated Jack-of-all-limelights Perceptor, who I see as being a bit like a reverse Brian Cox?? He started out well-known in the academic sector, then made it big as, idk, an actor (in the Mads Mikkelsen vein) and maybe a bit of modelling, and now he’s wound up here (I just realised that a lot of my celebs are more famous than the majority on Strictly tend to be, OH WELL).

They clash a LOT in initial rehearsals, but somewhere along the line Perceptor comes round enough to see that no, he did not get paired with the frivolous pro who doesn’t care about winning - Brainstorm just has a unique way of showing his love for his craft.

Also, you know how every year there's like, one lady pro who sprints over and full on leaps at her partner when he's revealed? Yeah, that's Brainstorm.

I’d like to think they make it to the semi-finals. And I desperately want to say that they have a dance to She Blinded Me With Science (cha cha cha maybe?). Kinda also want to steal Kevin's Doctor Who tango idea that he did this year. I think you could squeeze a quickstep out of End Of The World As We Know It, and then they've got two PMJ songs: a charleston to Final Countdown, and a foxtrot to I Believe In A Thing Called Love. ALSO HALLOWEEN JIVE TO TIME WARP I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

Tarn - who is here mostly so I can have him dance the paso doble to Phantom of the Opera with Pharma. These two are both suuuuper committed to the competitive aspect, enough that they’re willing to put aside their initial, rather drastic ideological differences, although the bickering does eventually eat away at their partnership. They get eliminated about midway through (though they do make it to the equivalent of Blackpool), and subsequently have a brief fling followed by a dramatic split that the tabloids eat up every last morsel of.

Other songs I can see them dancing to include a quickstep or American Smooth to Intermission by Scissor Sisters, a charleston to Crazy In Love (same arrangement as Kevin and Louise’s just, y’know, maybe not Harley/Joker themed), and maaaaybe their rumba is PMJ’s version of Toxic, with possibly a tango to Killer by the Hoosiers.

There’s added tension, too, in that - since I’m trying to look at the ‘celebrity’ aspect in the broader way Cybertronians might, as well - Pharma’s own main professional rival is competing this year alongside him.

Said rival being partnered with Drift, who’s been on the team of pro dancers long enough that he’s undergone something of a shift. It used to be that he got the younger, more… shall we say, visually appealing celebrity dancers, and he’d happily choreograph routines that oozed as much danger and/or sex appeal as the producers called for - to the ire of more than one watching conjunx endura. While he might once or twice have encouraged that to go further behind the scenes in his early days, he’s matured the longer he’s been in the business. Following a bit of a new-age spiritual journey between two seasons of the show, Drift has since come to be regarded as a friendly, experienced face for the not-quite-so-young, nervously inexperienced celebs, though the audience hasn’t exactly been quick to forget his past.

The decision to partner him with Ratchet (physician to the rich and powerful; philanthropist; unflappable, no-nonsense, complete and utter grump) is therefore met with some confusion. This was a calculated move on the part of the show’s producers, though - in the early days of Drift’s run with the series, he botched a lift and came down from it with a pretty impressive sprain. Sparing no expense for their most prized dancer at the time, the best of the best was called in to sort him out.

There was a disagreement in the treatment room, concerning the morality of Drift seducing his latest celebrity partner away from her conjunx, and the resulting shouting match passed into legend among the production crew, even if it was somehow prevented from being leaked to the public. The higher-ups are now capitalising on this, as the whole thing is sure to explode in some sort of direction, and they want the ratings boost that will result once it does.

Except… it never explodes. See, that confrontation with Ratchet was the first half of what led Drift to revise his behaviour. He'd started his dancing career young, with a string of agents, managers, what have you at the beginning encouraging him to believe that there's no such thing as bad publicity, and it didn't matter who he hurt along the way. The fact that someone famed for his straightforwardness and his principles - in a famously cutthroat environment - was now calling him up on that behaviour was enough to make Drift begin to question it. Throw in meeting Wing on a hiking holiday a few years down the line, after a shaky year of competitions and an unexpected early elimination from the show, and he's ready to really start bettering himself.

It showed, obviously, but never so much before now, where Drift is actively trying to prove that he took Ratchet’s words on board. Ratchet is… a little freaked out by the intensity of his conviction to do so, but they work through it and develop one of the strongest working relationships of any on the show.

It takes until after the show to become anything more than a working relationship, because they're both rather shy in their own ways, but when it finally does no one's really surprised anymore.

They definitely dance the jive to Bad Case of Loving You, and I'm entertaining the idea of a Halloween salsa to Jump In The Line from Beetlejuice mostly for the staging potential of the moving furniture, especially the rocking chair and all the jokes to be had from that. :D

And after LL 25… they’ve gotta dance to Easter Parade by Emmy the Great, it’s just perfect for them. I think it’d work best as a waltz, with some editing.

There’s also Skids, whose star rapidly rose and then stayed at the top, upon entering the competitive dancing scene. He was a quick study and he's also a decent teacher, so he gets matched with star comedian Swerve, who has veeeery little confidence in his ability. Although it’s not something he entirely gets over, at least enough to get them both more than halfway, it IS something he sticks at after leaving the competition, and he stays in touch with Skids as well.

Nobody’s ever really sure if their regular meetups post-series are dance lessons or ‘dance lessons.’ (Mostly because Skids is very, very skilled at flying under the radar).

And I d e s p e r a t e l y  want to steal Kellie Bright’s dance to Oom Pah Pah for these two, cause a Viennese waltz set in a tavern is perfect for Swerve.

Lug is one half of the inevitable married pro couple, and I weirdly like the idea of her being matched with Windblade? Not really got any ideas for them on the song front, other than maaaaaybe a charleston to Nowadays from Chicago? but I think they’d make it a good way into the proceedings - they seem like they’d get along well, and Windblade’s got a natural grace to her.

Lug’s wife and partner in crime dance is Anode, who has a similarly capable celebrity student, in celebrated scientist and author Nautica. Unfortunately, these two don’t quite get off on the best foot, and a lot of initial promise becomes a flash in the pan that quickly falls apart. Their routines and skill are still pretty memorable (barring the one bad week that ruined things), even if they don’t make it as far.

They charleston to Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines because cmon. Nautica’s an engineer and Anode is a literal biplane.

Perhaps surprisingly, I’m chucking Whirl in here as a professional, too - a new hire for this year, viewed by the producers as a bit of a risk - paired up with renowned psychologist and amnesiac deity Rung. The idea I’m running with is that for Whirl, the dancing is basically an outlet post-empurata. It lets him exhaust himself physically and mentally, as long as he completely throws himself into it (and boy does he ever)... so that he can blunt the edge of the hurt he’s still got bottled up. And before he found this outlet, he had a chequered past to say the least, which the media capitalises on immediately, plunging the new guy into the spotlight. The new guy adamantly refuses to be a sob story, or the subject of inspiration porn, and smashes more than one camera to illustrate this point, so all the attention ends up veering towards the negative as a result.

Rung, though - Rung can see, more than anything, that Whirl still needs help, no matter how adamant he might be that he’s found his own balance. Rung’s in this to learn and have fun - and for his faults, Whirl is a decent teacher - but he can never ignore when he sees someone hurting. At first, the most he does is quietly stand up to any stray reporters who come hassling (with the patented I’m-not-mad-I’m-just-disappointed approach), but they do eventually develop a firm friendship, once Whirl realises he’s actually got someone on his side for once.

Rung himself is in a Bad position to do anything more, given that even the three weeks of initial training was time enough to develop something of a bond; so instead, he quietly slips Whirl the number of a younger associate: someone who, he assures Whirl, is coming from a place of experience - not all professional, but personal, too. It takes a while, because well, it’s Whirl, but there comes a point where he approaches Rung looking a little awkward, and thanks him - Krok’s been a great help.

As for the actual competition, Rung’s forgettability and Whirl’s new reputation work against them and they leave fairly early; but every subsequent week sees Rung in the audience to watch Whirl in the group numbers. They take absolutely aaaaaaaages after that to get their shit together, but by the time the next year rolls around, Rung’s position as audience support is official and constant, thanks to his ‘dating one of the pros’ status.

So far, I’ve only got two songs for them: a charleston to Caravan Palace’s cover of Black Betty, and a Viennese waltz to the Waltz of the Hours from Coppelia.

There’s also Jazz, who’s something of a legend even among the pros, mostly for his seeming ability to match up to even the very greatest of pressures. It’s something that’s seen him through to multiple finals over the years, and this year should be no exception…

… Were it not for the slight snag in that Mirage, a Towers noble, is our That One Celebrity; who the public perceive to have had just a bit too much prior dance experience for the competition to be entirely fair. And he’s Jazz’s partner.

I see Mirage being picked on particularly because the Towers upbringing probably does involve some kind of formal dance training. So these two are really, really good, but that unfortunately means they’re just a bit too good for what’s supposed to be a half-amateur contest. A low public vote and a bad dance-off sees them eliminated just shy of the semi-final.

I really can’t explain why, but I’m fixated on the idea of their charleston being a Halloween one, to Remains of the Day from Corpse Bride, and they could have maybe a quickstep (??) to Oh My My by Summer Kennedy (thanks Clara!). They also have the dubious honour of being the only couple I've found a samba song for: another PMJ one, which is Such Great Heights. (I Dislike sambas in general cause they seem so tricky and clunky most of the time, but if anyone can pull one off it’s these two).

And then, Primus love him, there’s Soundwave, who is possibly more experienced, talented and capable than any other pro in the competition, past or present (though Jazz, despite being his usual partner, would dispute that).

Which, of course, means he gets signed up to coach the complete and utter duds. Shockwave was never really going to get far in this, being a former Senator of questionable popularity, and, as Whirl would put it, the token empurata victim. That's all before the fact that he's just… really crap at dancing. Soundwave does his best, but he doesn't exactly have much to work with, and they're eliminated second week. As poor Soundwave has sadly become a bit accustomed to over the years.

In a similar boat for the first time this year is Knock Out - which, at least at first, he is none too pleased about. The guy he gets matched with is technically an athlete - but endurance and strength have never exactly been the mainstream focus of Cybertronian sport, even if they're what Breakdown has in spades.

He also has plenty of enthusiasm and a very earnest desire to try, that Knock Out can't help but be charmed by, even if it's not enough to get them more than about four weeks in. I think it'd be really sweet if these two had an American Smooth to Wouldn't It Be Lovely from My Fair Lady.

Someone who's had a mostly-friendly rivalry with Knock Out while they've both been on the show is Rodimus, who's in that same flashy, pretty vein along with Drift (his professional partner, incidentally), but who's been willing basically from the get-go to take on whoever he needs to season by season.

In short, he's a bit of a wild card, and this year he's been handed the younger (and less famous) of the Ambus brothers. The problem in this particular case is Minimus’ chronic, painful stage fright. Dominus, in his misguided wisdom, thought trial by fire would be good for him, and laid on the peer pressure until Mims agreed, but he is very much a fish out of water at first, and it shows.

The thing is, though - most of his mistakes are a result of nerves, rather than lack of talent. The judges do comment on his natural poise during the traditional ballroom numbers, and for all that Roddy acts dumb, he's shrewd enough to work gradually on bringing Minimus out of his shell, often taking advantage of Mims’ intense focus during rehearsals.

Because he might be shaky on the performance front, but Minimus Ambus has never been known for shoddiness in his work, and doesn’t plan to start now. And Roddy uses that to his advantage - he’ll sneak in extra moves mid-week, while they’re running through a routine, and Minimus will be stood there at the end of it, having just managed something he was obviously capable of, but never would’ve imagined he could be.

A few weeks in, and he’s thriving.

Dance-wise, I'd say definitely a jive to Don’t Stop Me Now, and I like the idea of them having Rebel Rebel for their paso. I want them to make it to the final just so Rodimus can choreograph a showdance to Dare (because try as I might, I just Cannot make it fit one of the usual dance styles. Roddy’s probably had it saved up as the song he WILL showdance to in his first final). I'm thinking as well, an American Smooth to Grace Kelly by Mika cause it honestly fits them really nicely, AND Lost Coastlines could work as a quickstep song I reckon, so let's give it to the first and second in command of the LL! Idk if I Do Adore by Mindy Gledhill has quite the right tempo for a foxtrot, but I think even if it needs a bit of tweaking it’d be really nice. And another potentially really random one, but: charleston to You Give A Little Love from Bugsy Malone (for musicals week?).

Also, they totally cha cha (or maybe salsa?) to Does Your Mother Know, specifically the Christine Baranski version (and they do the Leg Thing from the scene in the movie, you know the one).

As coincidence would have it, Minimus’ own brother-in-law is also a celebrity contestant this year! Rewind has gone from Ambus arm candy to acclaimed filmmaker/journalist in his own right, and for his stint on Strictly he's been paired up with Chromedome. This guy has managed to get himself the nickname ‘Unlucky’, on account that he's fallen in love and subsequently into relationships with not one but three of his previous celebrity partners. There was never any cheating or anything otherwise untoward involved, but things always seemed to end within a year, leaving Chromedome heartbroken and never really up to his best in the show following each breakup. This should have been one such year - after Pivot - except that his new partner is so very sharp and exuberant and just plain magnetic that poor Domey finds himself drawn in regardless.

And I say poor Domey, because as mentioned above, Dominus Ambus is alive and kicking, not to mention in the audience every weekend.

Things get even more complicated when Rewind realises he’s also kinda interested in his new partner - possibly responding to Chromedome’s own feelings, no matter how hard he tries to hide them. They attract more than their fair share of judgemental social media comments, both as a result of things the tabloids dig up and from people speculating that they have a little too much chemistry on the dancefloor. Eyes are also, obviously, on Dominus each week, and he seems oddly impassive about the whole thing - but then, he always has been very guarded about his private affairs. It’s generally assumed that things will come to a head between him and Rewind soon enough, though.

Songs include a salsa to Faster by Matt Nathanson and - is it too on the nose for them to waltz to Memory during musicals week? I also want their charleston to be the PMJ cover of Chasing Pavements.

And this is soooooooooo cheesy, but I really want their rumba to be Unfaithful by Rihanna. THAT one gets a load of media attention, and it's the week following that they bow out instead of allowing the usual elimination process to go ahead.

The twist comes a couple of weeks later, after the media storm has died down; it gets stirred right back up again the moment a photo surfaces of Rewind and Dominus leaving a screening of Rewind’s latest hit… each of them holding one of Chromedome’s hands.

Some say that the reason Chromedome’s partners tended to leave him (until now) has something to do with his continued association/professional partnership with Prowl: a very old flame, but more importantly, a one-mech embodiment of the Strictly Curse.

This guy is a mess, and he gets everywhere: as well as Chromedome, it’s rumoured he was involved with Jazz at one point, and then there’s the assorted flings with his celebrity partners, including the two-year period where he made his way through both members of the same band who signed up for the show in succession... as well as the other four who didn’t.

He’s scary good technically though, and more than a little merciless, so no matter his reputation he usually manages to push his partners quite far into the competition. This year’s offering is scientist Tarantulas, who’s another bit of token representation, for the beastformers this time (my imaginary Cybertronian broadcasting network is apparently not the most progressive).

There’s no polite way to put this: I imagine they’re at each other almost immediately. Both very sharp, and driven, and inventive, and what begins as a glorious meeting of minds in initial training, ends in a quest for the nearest store cupboard. It’s not the most stable of arrangements - sure, Tarantulas is utterly smitten with Prowl’s vision and determination, but Prowl often struggles reining him in and getting him to knuckle down, and tends to resort to leaning a bit too heavily on the personal side of their relationship to get what he wants.  As with Ratchet and Drift, everyone’s on tenterhooks waiting for things to blow up, but somehow they actually reach the final. How long they’ll last beyond that is anyone’s guess.  

These guys have quite a few songs already. Paso to Poison by Alice Cooper (for Halloween week no less, it begins with Prowl trussed up on a giant fake web, and Tarantulas descending from the ceiling in fine accordance with Strictly tradition), jive to Jailhouse Rock, and their rumba is the PMJ cover of Blank Space, it's a Prowl song, fight me.

Also I'd like to think they could manage, like, a foxtrot to Viva La Vida but don't quote me on that. I also like the idea of a tango to Control by Halsey? And they don't have a musicals song yet so now I wanna chuck in a waltz to Sibella from Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder since that's my current obsession.

Elsewhere we have one of the younger dancers, who's been actively mentored by Prowl and has a not-so-friendly rivalry with Rodimus… Getaway!!! (Professional partner: Skids).

He actually goes out in the first week, bless him, through no fault of his own, as for some reason the producers saw fit to match him with Thunderclash. Predictably, this was an unmitigated disaster, and for the PR team it's even more of a problem, as one of the biggest names of this season has been kicked off before the show’s had a chance to begin - apparently, the routine was so bad that even Thunderclash’s fame wasn't enough to save him. For Getaway, it means that he's now hanging around at a bit of a loose end, since he still has to be there for the group numbers. Which gives him plenty of time to cause problems for…

Last but by no conceivable means least, Tailgate! When he joins the professional troupe he seems quite naive and childish, to the point that he’s not exactly taken seriously at first (for anyone who watches the show, think how AJ and his partners get a lot of high school/teen romance themed dances despite him being in his 20s).

THEN in this current series, who should come along but an unlikely celebrity entrant who Tailgate just so happens to be a MASSIVE fan of. Cyclonus is a singer of a… somewhat acquired taste, who’s been talked into this by his agent and is frankly dreading the latin dancing but can manage a tolerable waltz from the get-go. Being the aforementioned huge fan, Tailgate sweet-talks and pulls a few strings behind the scenes to get paired up with someone other than his usual ‘youngest celeb in the competition’.

As is the format of the show, Cyclonus doesn’t find out who his partner is until the ‘introduction’ episode; he’d been hoping for someone experienced and dependable, like Soundwave, so when he finds out the result he has misgivings to say the least. Tailgate by contrast is over the moon (that his scheme worked), and it definitely shows. That nets Cyclonus a bit of negative attention right out of the gate - he’s here looking all stoic and uptight and serious while Tailgate’s practically bouncing with joy, and words like ‘ungrateful’ and ‘stuck up’ get floated around social media a lot. (Although his painfully awkward expressions do become a bit of an ongoing meme).

(The expressions thing is also a problem during performances cause like, the whole serious, intense semi-glare works perfectly for a tango or a paso, but that shit will not fly in a waltz or a cha cha, and boy do the judges let him know it).

Tailgate, for his part, is a little surprised to discover how very reticent Cyclonus is, even in rehearsals. He’s dedicated enough to learning the routines, and quite adept at the performance aspect mostly thanks to his already strong connection to music, but trying to get even a word of small talk out of him is like trying to get blood from a stone. Tailgate takes it in his stride though, and chatters enough for two people to compensate.

It doesn’t take him long to suss out that Cyclonus isn’t entirely happy to be here, and he responds to that in a similar way, scheduling in little things to do together in their breaks and taking care at first not to push Cyclonus too far outside his comfort zone choreography-wise. He also, slightly misguidedly, tries to encourage the idea of them hanging out with his own professional partner… said partner, unfortunately, being Whirl, who manages to get right up Cyclonus’ nose.

(Those two have more success hitting it off when Cyclonus walks outside on a break, only to witness Whirl tearing the latest loitering photographer a new one. From there, it’s a weird kind of forged-in-strife bond, as they realise they’re about the only two people in these studios who actively flee media attention when it appears).

(Cyclonus has found some kind of storeroom that he uses as a bolt-hole in the event of said unwanted attention; Whirl absolutely sniffs said bolt-hole out, and proceeds to mercilessly bug him on his breaks).

Obviously, Cyclonus can’t fail to be touched by Tailgate’s efforts, and his easy kindness - though again, obviously, he’d never admit it. And thus begins the saga of the judges’ glowing comments, week by week, on Cyclonus’ performance skills (despite the face) and the evident chemistry they have while they’re dancing… only for Cyclonus to clam right the fuck up the moment the music stops. The way he acts during the rehearsal segments says a lot, though, even if he barely speaks during them.

Basically, they’re the couple where my mum would be watching them shrewdly each week, nodding and going “He’s head over heels, look.” and we, her dense af family, would reply “You what???”

So this whole thing continues to (very) slowly gather momentum for several weeks until.... Enter Getaway!! Who is salty that not only was he eliminated so very quickly, but also that literally all of the press attention went to Thunderclash, leaving him hanging around completely uselessly until next year. He decides to worm his way back into the limelight by stirring up some Drama, and sets his sights on poor Tailgate as his target.

What he doesn’t expect, however (and neither does Cyclonus really) is that his meddling almost pushes Cyclonus to quit the competition altogether - not feeling like he deserves or has anything to offer to Tailgate, but also unwilling to stay and watch all this bullshit unfold, especially now that the media’s caught wind of it. Unfortunately, Cyclonus’ misgivings get into the rumour mill somehow, and by the time Tailgate hears about them, his partner has apparently already handed in his notice. He then drops Getaway like a hot potato and goes running off to quit himself (because really, these two are both disasters), and it’s up to Whirl to drag Cyclonus out of the storeroom where he’s been brooding and get these two to actually talk, goddammit!

Aaaaaaand once that’s sorted, they’re still terribly awkward about pretty much everything. But! They’re getting there!!! By the time they reach the semi-final they’re the centre of plenty of gossip, though there’s no proof of anything yet as Whirl is being fucking militant about keeping non-show cameras away from their studio. It’s in the week following that someone finally gets a photo of them: on a break, sat outside, Cyclonus kissing Tailgate’s hands.

Dances! Cha cha to Power Of Love, obviously, since that's what kicked this whole thing off. (Am I a terrible person if they jive to Only The Good Die Young?) Then there's a charleston to Boyfriend by Lou Bega, a salsa to I Want You Back, and a rumba to the PMJ version of Jolene, all choreographed post-Getaway.

And I am VERY excited because I've realised they could waltz to Love Like You. They'd also have a Viennese waltz to No One Else from Great Comet in musicals week, and I like the idea of a tango to Devil’s Backbone, and a paso to Coat of Arms by Jonathan Thulin. And possibly an Argentine tango to La Llrona, if it was arranged the way it is in Coco (“Alas, Llrona in sky blue”, I have to, guys. I have to) .

ALSO I'm going to cheat and say that Power Of Love is just one of their regular week dances, since it isn't just from a movie, as I also want a foxtrot to Beauty and the Beast because a) it’s perfect for them and b) mandatory A Day Or Forever reference.

They make it to the final, and showdance to Shrike by Hozier. AND because I am the creator of this au and My Word Is God, I’m hereby declaring that they end up as the winners. So there. :p

And congrats to anyone who actually made it this far!!!! As I said above, please send me ideas for songs, judges, anything, really! :D

[meddows-theblondebastard]

“Galileo” or Stop Laughing At Me While I’m Filming (Ben Hardy Imagine)

Also posted on d-double-trouble and AO3. 

Warnings: Should I say none or should I say that things will get serious by the end of this? 

                                                Imagines / Part 2

PLOT: Your friend, Ben is hilarious while filming for Bohemian Rhapsody movie and that makes both of you distracted. (+)

(Credits to Alena Abbazova for the picture on Pinterest.)

It was literally too hard to abstain your smile when you visited Ben on set. Everyone around was simply so nice to you, Ben’s new friends were hilarious and to have the chance to see him being completely transformed into the one and only Roger Taylor from Queen was beyond words as an experience and above all of that, the role fitted him so well. You would’ve skipped days at work for those kind of opportunities, which weren’t so common, but somehow, Ben had managed to invite you here to spend some time together. Bohemian Rhapsody was the best thing that has ever happened to him in a long time. I mean, yeah, he was an incredible actor and you knew it very well, but for him to be part of such an important project with such dedicated cast and crew meant very much. The world, actually. You could see the excitement in him from miles away and the way he talked about every detail, the way he would call you everytime to tell you about how his day went, recreate moments and jokes made by his mates and how he would ask you to come and see with your own eyes how amazing is to do that day by day … You were so glad for him. Glad that he was having a great time and for the fact that he was living his best dreams of all. You’ve been lucky enough to be among his old friends from home, he is a special person for you because it’s been a long time since you’ve known each other. Right before graduation, when he had just started to go to University, you were there even when he got the role of Peter Beale in Eastenders. He certainly worked hard to become what he is today, even though he thinks he still has a lot more things to learn in order to feel like a real actor. To be honest, he is sometimes too insecure to admit that he ended up where he is now because he liked acting and being involved with people on the stage. He just had this passion and went on with it until it became something to be proud about.

At least, you felt very proud of him.

„Galileo, Galileo … Galileo, Figaroo!” In an attempt to muffle your laughter when you watched Ben trying to imitate Roger’s falsettos while the scene where the boys were supposedly recording Bohemian Rhapsody was being filmed, you held your palm just over your mouth. You discovered that it is almost impossible to hold back some giggles when you see him acting in this part. The script is good, no doubt, it’s just the blond haired here, and his profound skills.

„Higher.” Gestured Joe who was playing John Deacon.

„Jesus, how many more Galileo’s do you want??” Ben bursted, deep into his role. Even so, you couldn’t stop laughing … Or half-choking-half-laughing. You knew he shouldn’t have seen you, but that was hard enough when you were behind the cameras at a decent distance from the director. Every person from the edge of the filming area was watching carefully and entertained except from you. And like it was written in the stars, Ben cought your action and the look on your face. Surely, your face was red with amusement and that was the thing that made him shot you a grin and then let out an innocent laugh. The next thing you knew was the director yelling a ‚cut’.

„Was that in the script?” The question followed. Immediately after that, you moved away from set, it was your fault for that  and you didn’t want to be observed. Walking quickly past some other people responsable with the costumes and sound you ended up at a table filled with snacks brought by everyone. You grabbed a salty biscuit and ate it nervously. Some moments went by and Ben didn’t seem to be around so you tried to turn around and go back to where you were standing. Insteand of doing that, you were taken aback by his own figure which was now right behind you. He smirked in your face. Okay, so you didn’t cause that much of a trouble.

„Y/N.” He said, with a voice which didn’t inspire threat at all. „Stop laughing at me while I’m filming.”

And because you have always tried to be a devoted friend of him, an innocent expression was all you could give back in response.

„You know I’m not complaining, but they might want to kill me otherwise.”

„I’m so sorry.” You started with a short giggle. „You all were so funny and so concentrated to get it right out there. Besides, it’s even funnier that you are supposed to reach some high notes of someone who is famous for them.”

„Oh, really? Well, just so you know, I handle it pretty damn well.” Said Ben while trying to dramatically push some stands of his blonde wig from near his right cheek away. Instead of doing that, he only managed to move the wig from its perfect place on his head.

„Now you should be careful with Roger Taylor’s hair.” You noted, stopping any of his movements. „Please.”

„Don’t you worry, darling.” He teased, slowly letting a grin take over his lips. Seconds later, someone called his name from somwhere back on set, maybe. „I gotta go, but let’s grab a coffee in the lunch break. I’ll have a whole hour.”

„Sure. Why not?”

„Stay away from the set, Y/N.” He smiled at you and stepped back. When he wasn’t in your sight anymore, you shook your head being amused and then tried to come up with something you could do to make time fly.

                                                             *

„I don’t really get why you prefer iced coffee over simple coffee. Coffee should be a hot beverage.” Sitting at a table at the cafe, you needed to answer to Ben’s foolsih question. And for the record, you weren’t planning on spending the hour he had with this kind of debate.

„Can you not?” You said, raising your eyebrows at him.

„I will never understand.” Ben continued. „So how comes that you were on set today? Was your boss in a good mood to give you a day off?”

„Well, he didn’t really give me a day off.” You trailed your own words. „I think I told him a little white lie.” You were working at a company in charge with planning different kind of events and most of your days at work were kind of full. It was either going from place to place, either making phone calls all day long. A little disturbing thing of yours was the fact that you were too dedicated in comparison with the rest of the employees and unfortunately for you, the boss had noticed. It became hard trying to find an excuse for a day off, even to explain why you were, for example, half an hour late. But you always work it out, one way or another.

„You lied to see me, as I hear.”

The guy in front of you surely knew how to turn things in his favor. Bad for him that you were already used to that, so you knew how to trick the rules.

„Yeah, I told him that a close friend of mine is in the hospital for a knee surgery.”  You answered.

„Knee surgery? What kind of reason did you give him for that?”

„He fell off the bike.”

„Lame.”

„You should be grateful that I didn’t told him I was going to visit Ben Hardy on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, not that he would’ve known you.” You shot back, taking a sip from your iced coffee.

„We all are Queen fans, Y/N, it would’ve been a thing, trust me.” Of course he wasn’t going to drop it because he’s such a proud winner. At least he acts like one.

„Okay, okay. Let’s change the subject. How was your day before me coming in and ruining your opera moment?” He tasted his warm coffee as well while answering to your question.

„Awesome. We filmed some scenes in just one take, which was pretty intense. How’s Rockie?”

Rockie was your boyfriend since college and right now, Ben just wanted to keep the conversation going by asking about him. He’s never been his type of a person and Rockie glared at him whenever the three of you would hang out. Although he never said it, he is jealous of your friend. He thinks he spends too much time in your presence and doesn’t like when you two have inside jokes which seem too much for his understanding. This is the only thing that upsets you about Rockie. He can’t tell you with who you should hang out with and with who you shouldn’t. But being your boyfriend for almost four solid years was beautiful. When there’s just you and him, he’s gentle, reserved and loving. He looks after you and speaks very fondly of you to his relatives and friends. And maybe, maybe there is one more thing which keeps you settled.

„He’s fine, at work I suppose. For the record, he knows that I’m in my office right now and it should stay this way.” You looked right in Ben’s eyes after that sentence, but he seemed confused.

„Oh, so he’s still an asshole too.”

„Well, he tries not to.”

„He keeps on with being upset that we see each other from time to time and that makes him a big asshole in my eyes. We’re friends, Y/N. You should remind him that you’re pregnant with his baby, at least, if he magically forgot that.” Ben’s words were a bit harsh for your ears, but he didn’t totally mean it. You can see that in his eyes when he realizes how it sounded falling from his lips.

„No, no, I- … I didn’t want to say it that way.” The subject wasn’t that flexible and easy to reach, not that you wanted to reach it. Your pregnancy with Rockie happened, as uncomfortable as you were saying or even thinking about it, as an accident. And it did scare you at first, when you were panicking around about what were you supposed to do, but eventually, you calmed down. He was happy about it, your parents were kind of shocked when you told them, Ben was … Ben almost choked on his sandwich when you decided to tell him. He was the first one to find this out and you will never explain yourself to anyone who tries to rudely point this out. No one was really calm in the first place; you were undoubtedly frightened, you cried and cried and then ate a lot because of those cravings … It was crazy to accept this change in your life, but you had support. That was really important. Ben tried his best to keep you company when you were alone and comfort you about the insecurities you had and about that small bean inside of you. That’s how he called it. You are still young and things aren’t as perfect as they seem, but your final decision was to keep the baby. You couldn’t think of another option and your intention isn’t to hurt anyone. So you need to accept it and embrace it. You don’t know anything more yet, but you’ll do it. Because you know you’re not alone.

„Ben, it’s alright. You’re not rude to me.” Your voice wasn’t showing any hurt feelings or anything alike, so he shouldn’t be sorry. He’s just angry with Rockie being too possessive over you. And for the fact that he’s imagining things.

„It’s awful that you need to lie to him because he can’t simply understand.” Ben muttered, eyes glued on his coffee cup.

„I know. I guess he has to accept it, our friendship. I told him already that I’m not going to cut certain people out of my life for his love. I don’t want to fight with him. He has to be realistic.”

„Yes, exactly. Anyway, you can always count on me. Whenever you need it. For real, I’m here for you and I know that you’re going through a rough time …”

„Do not pity me, Ben, you know I hate it. I’m cool. I’ll be a cool mom.”

You should make that a badge, yeah, right.

„That’s for sure.” He smiled at you revealing his white teeth. „Hey, if you want, we are gathering at my place tonight. Rami, Joe, Gwilym, Lucy, they will be there. Would you want to come?”

„I’d like to, but I’m going out with Rockie. Sorry.”

„Don’t be sorry, it’s fine. Though we’ll be there if you change your mind. Or if he doesn’t see you sneak up.” You grinned when you heard his response. Continuing to drink your coffee, you though how much time did he have left.

„I have to be back in like, ten minutes. If you’re coming with me, promise me I will not see your face behind the cameras. I still have to pretend that I’m recording the most famous single of the 20th century. I won’t mess that up.” Nonsense, you knew he was actually begging you not to mock him or make fun of him. Hmm, you thought.

„Chill out, pretty face. You already rock.”

[im-writing-under-a-pen-name]

“Galileo” or Stop Laughing At Me While I’m Filming (Ben Hardy Imagine)

I’m doing this because I’m a multifandom trash.

Like, seriously.

Warnings: Should I say none or should I say that things will get serious by the end of this?

                                                              Imagines / Part 2

PLOT: Your friend, Ben is hilarious while filming for Bohemian Rhapsody movie and that makes both of you distracted. (+) 

It was literally too hard to abstain your smile when you visited Ben on set. Everyone around was simply so nice to you, Ben’s new friends were hilarious and to have the chance to see him being completely transformed into the one and only Roger Taylor from Queen was beyond words as an experience and above all of that, the role fitted him so well. You would’ve skipped days at work for those kind of opportunities, which weren’t so common, but somehow, Ben had managed to invite you here to spend some time together. Bohemian Rhapsody was the best thing that has ever happened to him in a long time. I mean, yeah, he was an incredible actor and you knew it very well, but for him to be part of such an important project with such dedicated cast and crew meant very much. The world, actually. You could see the excitement in him from miles away and the way he talked about every detail, the way he would call you everytime to tell you about how his day went, recreate moments and jokes made by his mates and how he would ask you to come and see with your own eyes how amazing is to do that day by day … You were so glad for him. Glad that he was having a great time and for the fact that he was living his best dreams of all. You’ve been lucky enough to be among his old friends from home, he is a special person for you because it’s been a long time since you’ve known each other. Right before graduation, when he had just started to go to University, you were there even when he got the role of Peter Beale in Eastenders. He certainly worked hard to become what he is today, even though he thinks he still has a lot more things to learn in order to feel like a real actor. To be honest, he is sometimes too insecure to admit that he ended up where he is now because he liked acting and being involved with people on the stage. He just had this passion and went on with it until it became something to be proud about.

At least, you felt very proud of him.

„Galileo, Galileo … Galileo, Figaroo!” In an attempt to muffle your laughter when you watched Ben trying to imitate Roger’s falsettos while the scene where the boys were supposedly recording Bohemian Rhapsody was being filmed, you held your palm just over your mouth. You discovered that it is almost impossible to hold back some giggles when you see him acting in this part. The script is good, no doubt, it’s just the blond haired here, and his profound skills.

„Higher.” Gestured Joe who was playing John Deacon.

„Jesus, how many more Galileo’s do you want??” Ben bursted, deep into his role. Even so, you couldn’t stop laughing … Or half-choking-half-laughing. You knew he shouldn’t have seen you, but that was hard enough when you were behind the cameras at a decent distance from the director. Every person from the edge of the filming area was watching carefully and entertained except from you. And like it was written in the stars, Ben cought your action and the look on your face. Surely, your face was red with amusement and that was the thing that made him shot you a grin and then let out an innocent laugh. The next thing you knew was the director yelling a ‚cut’.

„Was that in the script?” The question followed. Immediately after that, you moved away from set, it was your fault for that  and you didn’t want to be observed. Walking quickly past some other people responsable with the costumes and sound you ended up at a table filled with snacks brought by everyone. You grabbed a salty biscuit and ate it nervously. Some moments went by and Ben didn’t seem to be around so you tried to turn around and go back to where you were standing. Insteand of doing that, you were taken aback by his own figure which was now right behind you. He smirked in your face. Okay, so you didn’t cause that much of a trouble.

„Y/N.” He said, with a voice which didn’t inspire threat at all. „Stop laughing at me while I’m filming.”

And because you have always tried to be a devoted friend of him, an innocent expression was all you could give back in response.

„You know I’m not complaining, but they might want to kill me otherwise.”

„I’m so sorry.” You started with a short giggle. „You all were so funny and so concentrated to get it right out there. Besides, it’s even funnier that you are supposed to reach some high notes of someone who is famous for them.”

„Oh, really? Well, just so you know, I handle it pretty damn well.” Said Ben while trying to dramatically push some stands of his blonde wig from near his right cheek away. Instead of doing that, he only managed to move the wig from its perfect place on his head.

„Now you should be careful with Roger Taylor’s hair.” You noted, stopping any of his movements. „Please.”

„Don’t you worry, darling.” He teased, slowly letting a grin take over his lips. Seconds later, someone called his name from somwhere back on set, maybe. „I gotta go, but let’s grab a coffee in the lunch break. I’ll have a whole hour.”

„Sure. Why not?”

„Stay away from the set, Y/N.” He smiled at you and stepped back. When he wasn’t in your sight anymore, you shook your head being amused and then tried to come up with something you could do to make time fly.

                                                              *

„I don’t really get why you prefer iced coffee over simple coffee. Coffee should be a hot beverage.” Sitting at a table at the cafe, you needed to answer to Ben’s foolsih question. And for the record, you weren’t planning on spending the hour he had with this kind of debate.

„Can you not?” You said, raising your eyebrows at him.

„I will never understand.” Ben continued. „So how comes that you were on set today? Was your boss in a good mood to give you a day off?”

„Well, he didn’t really give me a day off.” You trailed your own words. „I think I told him a little white lie.” You were working at a company in charge with planning different kind of events and most of your days at work were kind of full. It was either going from place to place, either making phone calls all day long. A little disturbing thing of yours was the fact that you were too dedicated in comparison with the rest of the employees and unfortunately for you, the boss had noticed. It became hard trying to find an excuse for a day off, even to explain why you were, for example, half an hour late. But you always work it out, one way or another.

„You lied to see me, as I hear.”

The guy in front of you surely knew how to turn things in his favor. Bad for him that you were already used to that, so you knew how to trick the rules.

„Yeah, I told him that a close friend of mine is in the hospital for a knee surgery.”  You answered.

„Knee surgery? What kind of reason did you give him for that?”

„He fell off the bike.”

„Lame.”

„You should be grateful that I didn’t told him I was going to visit Ben Hardy on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, not that he would’ve known you.” You shot back, taking a sip from your iced coffee.

„We all are Queen fans, Y/N, it would’ve been a thing, trust me.” Of course he wasn’t going to drop it because he’s such a proud winner. At least he acts like one.

„Okay, okay. Let’s change the subject. How was your day before me coming in and ruining your opera moment?” He tasted his warm coffee as well while answering to your question.

„Awesome. We filmed some scenes in just one take, which was pretty intense. How’s Rockie?”

Rockie was your boyfriend since college and right now, Ben just wanted to keep the conversation going by asking about him. He’s never been his type of a person and Rockie glared at him whenever the three of you would hang out. Although he never said it, he is jealous of your friend. He thinks he spends too much time in your presence and doesn’t like when you two have inside jokes which seem too much for his understanding. This is the only thing that upsets you about Rockie. He can’t tell you with who you should hang out with and with who you shouldn’t. But being your boyfriend for almost four solid years was beautiful. When there’s just you and him, he’s gentle, reserved and loving. He looks after you and speaks very fondly of you to his relatives and friends. And maybe, maybe there is one more thing which keeps you settled.

„He’s fine, at work I suppose. For the record, he knows that I’m in my office right now and it should stay this way.” You looked right in Ben’s eyes after that sentence, but he seemed confused.

„Oh, so he’s still an asshole too.”

„Well, he tries not to.”

„He keeps on with being upset that we see each other from time to time and that makes him a big asshole in my eyes. We’re friends, Y/N. You should remind him that you’re pregnant with his baby, at least, if he magically forgot that.” Ben’s words were a bit harsh for your ears, but he didn’t totally mean it. You can see that in his eyes when he realizes how it sounded falling from his lips.

„No, no, I- … I didn’t want to say it that way.” The subject wasn’t that flexible and easy to reach, not that you wanted to reach it. Your pregnancy with Rockie happened, as uncomfortable as you were saying or even thinking about it, as an accident. And it did scare you at first, when you were panicking around about what were you supposed to do, but eventually, you calmed down. He was happy about it, your parents were kind of shocked when you told them, Ben was … Ben almost choked on his sandwich when you decided to tell him. He was the first one to find this out and you will never explain yourself to anyone who tries to rudely point this out. No one was really calm in the first place; you were undoubtedly frightened, you cried and cried and then ate a lot because of those cravings … It was crazy to accept this change in your life, but you had support. That was really important. Ben tried his best to keep you company when you were alone and comfort you about the insecurities you had and about that small bean inside of you. That’s how he called it. You are still young and things aren’t as perfect as they seem, but your final decision was to keep the baby. You couldn’t think of another option and your intention isn’t to hurt anyone. So you need to accept it and embrace it. You don’t know anything more yet, but you’ll do it. Because you know you’re not alone.

„Ben, it’s alright. You’re not rude to me.” Your voice wasn’t showing any hurt feelings or anything alike, so he shouldn’t be sorry. He’s just angry with Rockie being too possessive over you. And for the fact that he’s imagining things.

„It’s awful that you need to lie to him because he can’t simply understand.” Ben muttered, eyes glued on his coffee cup.

„I know. I guess he has to accept it, our friendship. I told him already that I’m not going to cut certain people out of my life for his love. I don’t want to fight with him. He has to be realistic.”

„Yes, exactly. Anyway, you can always count on me. Whenever you need it. For real, I’m here for you and I know that you’re going through a rough time …”

„Do not pity me, Ben, you know I hate it. I’m cool. I’ll be a cool mom.”

You should make that a badge, yeah, right.

„That’s for sure.” He smiled at you revealing his white teeth. „Hey, if you want, we are gathering at my place tonight. Rami, Joe, Gwilym, Lucy, they will be there. Would you want to come?”

„I’d like to, but I’m going out with Rockie. Sorry.”

„Don’t be sorry, it’s fine. Though we’ll be there if you change your mind. Or if he doesn’t see you sneak up.” You grinned when you heard his response. Continuing to drink your coffee, you though how much time did he have left.

„I have to be back in like, ten minutes. If you’re coming with me, promise me I will not see your face behind the cameras. I still have to pretend that I’m recording the most famous single of the 20th century. I won’t mess that up.” Nonsense, you knew he was actually begging you not to mock him or make fun of him. Hmm, you thought.

„Chill out, pretty face. You already rock.”

(It was based on that scene in the recording studio with Ben as Roger because that is my favorite scene in the movie.)

Hi everyone, I’m back again! (Hopefully, this time). It’s been a long time since I last updated this page of mine but well, I got distracted with school and other stuff and it was kinda hard for me to come back. But I’ve been around here, reblogging and hearting and all that. As you can see (and as you may be aware of), I’ve watched Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen biopic and it was absolutely amazing! Then, I just noticed Ben Hardy playing Roger Taylor in the background and I guess you can understand the story from this point. I have to say that Queen fandom and you, Queenies (just correct me if I’m wrong) are absolutely beautiful people and you inspired me a lot on this. I want to find out more about you and keep discover you here on Tumblr. Thank you a lot for that, really. If you really wanted to read ‘till you got there, then you might wanna read until the end? Yeah, this is a Ben Hardy Imagine, I couldn’t stay still and not write one myself. And because I don’t mean to bore you more, I will say that I hope you enjoyed it. I’m looking forward for your opinions and thoughts about it because it’s not the only imagine of this kind. I’m really into Queen and Bohemian Rhapsody cast members right now and I’m excited to see how it will work for me. And for you, also, because you read it and your opinions are very important to me. 

How many times did you watched Bohemian Rhapsody in theaters? I’m just curious. I’ve watched it three times already. I can’t, it’s too good.

Okay, as you’ve seen in the beginning, I have a ‘Imagines’ section linked. You can take a look if you liked this one, I meant that multifandom part. *wink*

And in the eenndd, I would feel extremely flattered to receive requests from you if you’re willing to leave me one. Don’t hesitate, I consider it very cute! 

Part two of this? Almost definitely. 

Thank you guys so much for your attention. It means so much to me! I’m very, very excited to share stories and crazy stuff with you!!

xoxo, D.

[zara-flores]

Distractions and sneezes

A/N: I did it, finished another longe one! Beware this is looong, I warned you. Another one for the Zaran development, it will get cuter between these two after this hehehe. Hope you enjoy and sorry for the mistakes have been working on this for houuurs. 

Querencia (n.) a place from which one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authenic self

Sixteen year old daughter of famous movie director Frederick Briggs, opens up about selected Zara Flores!

In the short interview, Sophie Briggs was all too eager to spill all the tea about her so called stepsister Zara Flores. Even though their parents never married, they held a close bond together and Zara was granted with a job on the set of her stepfather and often stayed over at their house. The young woman with the bright smile might be out there to steal Prince Ben's heart, but Sophie isn't sure if that are truly her stepsister's intentions: ''Zara is good at manipulating people for her own good and incredibly jealous, which can be quite difficult if you're competing for the same man. She's also materialistic and conceited. You should really wonder what her real reason is for staying in the palace.''

To the question we asked if Zara would make a good Queen she said the following: ''No, she's not fit for the position at all. She's incredibly fake and childish. Putting her on the throne would be a disaster for the whole country.'' Not too positive then about mabe a future princess. When we asked further Sophie also managed Zara having an ex-boyfriend. The two separated because of unknown reasons. Is Lady Zara really the perfect daughter-in-law, or should we watch out for this two faced girl?

I knew Sophie was angry with me because of the Selection. It had always been her dream to get selected but I was the one instead. But to publicly shame and harass me like this.. I'd never expected that from her. Maybe that’s my own naivety. I only stumbled upon the magazine after it had been left in the women's room by another selected. I can't imagine what people might think of me now. None of it is true of course except that I indeed broke up with a guy. But Cal and I haven’t had contact for almost a year now when I decided to end it after we couldn’t make the long distance work anymore. No unknown reasons or secrets about that. But how to convince people who don't know me at all of that? The latest report had gone well in my opinion but the magazines spoke of my outfit as if I were wearing a potato sack. If I really wanted to win.. How was I going to handle all that media attention? All those opinions? The magazine I'm still holding lands in the trashcan of my room and I put my hair in a messy bun, ready for some distraction. The secret music room can use some cleaning anyway.

I sneeze from the dust rising up as I pull the cloth from an object I hadn’t seen the the first time we came here. I gasp as it turns out to be a record player. How could we have missed this? Aran is going to be excited to see this. The music lover..

I decide to start cleaning the desk and as I move the rag over the dusty surface making me sneeze again. It didn't bother me so much last time but it had been brief and I had mostly been standing further away in the room. Now, kneeled down behind the desk among the spiders and dust I keep sneezing. I've calmed down a little, being alone and at least focused on something helps a lot. I don't hear the footsteps at first but with the creaking of the stairs I raise my eyebrows and carefully sit up, peeking over the desk. Did I close the trapdoor? What if it’s Ben or another Royal.. I move a bit higher, only to see Aran stand in the middle of the room, looking confused and wary. I smile surprised at him being here, his company isn't bad at all. He lets out a breathy laugh when he sees me, relieved that it isn't a Royal or anything so our secret is still a secret. ''Hey, I wasn't expecting you here.'' I say and get up from the ground, gesturing to the rag in my hand. ''I had some free time and thought it was well used to spend here. Did you come to play the violin?'' he seems a bit flustered at the question but puts his hands in his pockets. ''I.. Guess you could say that. I'll help clean though. Just tell me what to do.'' I tilt my head a little at him before speaking. ''Well I was cleaning the desk and we can do the table next.'' then I remember finding the record player, getting excited since I know he will too with my discovery. ''oh wait. Look what I found here!'' I put the rag down and walk over to the record player to take the cloth from it again and reveal it to him. As I do so another cloud of dust rises up just like it did when I found it and I sneeze loudly. With a quick sorry I say: ''isn’t that great? For times when we don’t only want to make music but just listen to something as well.'' I sneeze once again and laugh at myself for it. Aran smiles and walks around the desk as well to gently push me out of the dust. ''Maybe if you stop breathing in dust it'll help.'' I rub my nose and laugh some more. ''Maybe.. But aren't you proud of me discovering this.'' I look back at him and realize it might seem childish to him. I shake my head. ''I sound like a little kid, sorry. You probably wanted some alone time here and my screaming about some record player is not what you asked for.'' I rub my neck awkwardly. ''We can clean up a bit and I'll leave.'' if he wants me to I'll just have to find another place to find distraction. The stables perhaps as I know my maids usually clean around this time of the day. Aran, however, isn't bothered by my enthusiasm. ''No, no it's fine, um… I think it's nice you find it exciting.'' his smile is awkward as he settles back on the record player examining the thing. That slight reassurance soothes me and I stop feeling so awkward and just watch him blow some of the dust away from the player. ''I wonder if it still works..'' ''I tried but it didn't work.. Besides there are no records. I don't know what he did with them but they're not in this room.'' I say and frown a little at the thought of someone not keeping records near a record player but focus back on him, curiously watching him. Maybe I'm too bold, I'm definitely too curious but I have to ask. ''I don’t want to be rude or anything.. but when I asked if you came here to play the violin you said something like that. Did you really come here for that or was it something else?'' He stands straighter at that question, seeming a bit hesitant but his eyes fall once again on the violin that I moved from the desk. Like he always does. ''I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I came down here... I just wanted to focus on something else. Being here feels like... being someplace else. Not like home or the palace. Just— it’s nice.'' I smile a bit more. We’re here with the same goal then. Distraction. ''I kinda think I get you.. you need a distraction. Glad cleaning is a great way of doing so.'' I push the rag into his hands implying he can continue with the desk as I move over to the chair, kneeling down there to clean so I'm not facing him. In that way I feel a bit braver to ask. ''A reason you wanted to focus on something else?'' ''I wanted to stop thinking about everything?'' I frown at that. ''That sounds kinda serious, I hope everything is alright?'' I get up once again to look at him. I doubt he will. So far he has been quite wary with me, which is his own right but from experience I know that even how much I want to be alone, telling someone feels better. If he would ask now about the magazine or if Sophie’s statements were true I'd tell him.. I think. Last time we got to know each other a little bit more but that doesn't mean he'll trust me instantly with everything that seems to trouble him. I don't expect him to.

''It’s nothing bad.'' he tells me. ''I'm just being a bit dramatic.'' I chuckle. ''I’ve been around actors and a two year younger spoiled step sister. I’m used to some drama.'' I lean on the desk to face him but the dust itches my nose and I pull a face as if I'm about to sneeze. Before I can, he says a bless you and I sneeze mumbling a thank you afterwards. When I look at him I see the nerves. Maybe I'm being annoying or pushing him too much but I have to ask. My damned curiosity makes me so. ''look.. I don’t want to push this, but you can tell me what happened that you want distraction from. I know you don’t really know me or may be comfortable telling me, but I can listen. Even if it’s not a big thing. sometimes telling someone is just a relief.'' He looks down at the desk when he starts cleaning again. ''I like my work and I don’t like to complain about it, but I was letting my thoughts spiral too much. Even when I wasn’t working. I figured maybe a place where I could forget where I was could help.'' during what he said his eyes shifted to the violin once again. Maybe that's his solution. At least I can try. ''Would you like to play something?'' he pauses when I ask, but avoids my gaze. ''We're cleaning right now.'' I want to roll my eyes but keep doing from so as I lean my head on my hand still looking up at him. ''We can take a break, I saw you staring at it multiple times now. I know losing yourself in music can be a way to forget about things and clear your mind. It’s what happens to me when I paint.'' Aran takes a deep breath and sighs but walks over to the violin case anyway, still seeming in thought as he asks.

''What's painting like?'' I think of that. Deeply. What is painting to me like? To express my emotions, a place where I can let my creativity flow. But I just start rambling, hoping to get it out the way I meant it too. ‘’This is going to sound weird, crazy maybe, but painting is like completely losing yourself in a project of color and feelings. Something you create on a simple canvas that makes time fly by faster and you only realize how late it’s getting because your wrist starts hurting from holding the brush and your back is aching from sitting bend over your desk. It’s telling people a story.. sometimes I do that with watercolors painting surroundings or moments and sometimes I create characters that tell the story for me. It’s creating and storytelling, my greatest strength and weakness.'' I smile but I feel shy, what if it was too extra, what if he doesn't … care? My excitement is my weakness. The fear of being disappointed coming from that place. I shared that with him, unknowingly. He opens the violin case as he speaks. ''characters would be when you draw people?'' ''when I design them, yes. And when I actually apply the makeup.'' Nayea was one of them, but she was taken from me. Stop it, it's no use moping over that now. besides she was just fictional. Aran shakes his head and smiles. ''Right. The special effects girl. Sorry, I forgot.'' he lets out a small chuckle and points to his forehead. ''Things get a bit mixed up sometimes…'' he places the violin on his shoulder where it goes and reaches for the bow. ''I don't know if I'd be able to create a character with music. I can tell the story of a man with it though.'' I walk back to the chair I was just cleaning, wiping it down a little before sitting down on it, placing my hands on my lap as I watch him. ''Then do so.. I'd love to hear.'' He shifts a bit nervously. I can see he wants to get this right because the audience he has right now is just one person. Me. He closes his eyes, getting in position and focuses. The song starts slow and calm, pausing now and then and at first I don’t get why but I realize from watching my mom in the theatre that this maybe be a dual song and there’s a piano that plays at times like these. He glances at me before the pace starts picking up again and there is that careful smile again.. He keeps making some pauses along the way where the piano is supposed to respond to the violin. When the tempo slows down a bit, he also seems more calm, but when the faster parts come, he doesn't seem to shy away from getting into it, forgetting I’m here and just purely focus on the notes that are filling the room. At the end there is a long pause and I’m about to clap my hands for his performance if it weren’t for  Aran’s still focused expression. When he ends the last rapid moves, he takes a second to let the ending sink in before letting out a breath with a smile and staring at the violin. His eyes go to me again and he hesitates before doing a little bow.

I laugh kindly at that ending. ‘’That was wonderful, you’re great at it.’’ ''You started clapping before I was done though.'' he says it teasingly but shrugs dramatically to get me to laugh again. ''I can understand you wanting me to stop soon. No need to lie.'' Now I do roll my eyes with a grin. ''You paused! I thought it was over, I don't know the piece. Really. I could listen to violin music for hours.'' that was true. It helped me relax immensely. As a Five music has always surrounded my life especially when Kye started playing in his band. And mom uses it in her theatre performances as well, especially the piano and singing. The piano is the only I have mastered just a little bit.

Aran tells me about his own violin at home. I notice that he doesn't talk too much about his home. He overall is a very closed off person and quite serious. Though sometimes I can see some of it disappear when he smiles or when he talks about music and art.. I like that about him, it's cute. ''What’s New Asia like?'' I ask and add quickly. ''I mean, I have roots there but I haven’t actually been there.'' He seems to perk up a little at that. ''A close generation or distant like, ‘my great great great great great grandmother’ was from there?'' I frown a little that he ignores my first question but answer anyway. ''you have a habit of not answering my questions right away. But you’re not far of. My grandmother was born there.'' grandma Marie died years ago but she never forgot to remind any of us that she was from new asian blood and she all too liked to remind my mom where her roots came from. Even though mom is half Illean as well. Meanwhile as I'm lost in thoughts, Aran picks up one of the bottles that he found to clean the violin. ''It’s the blessing and curse of being in politics. It um..'' he looks briefly at me. ''makes me a hard person to talk with sometimes, so I’ll apologize beforehand.'' it hasn't been so hard. Talking to him is nice. ''ahh.. that makes it a little more understandable then. Don’t apologize for it, it didn’t bother me.'' Aran chuckles a bit. ''Really? that's a first.. Not that I can’t have a normal conversation, because I can. Of course I can. I’m not /that/ weird, um, I just— you’ve made a couple questions that I’ve been really bad at answering because I’m not sure I should. They’re—indirectly—about something I don’t think I should risk complaining about, so I deflect, but when I have normal conversations I.. His ears are turning a bit pink and he keeps his gaze focused on cleaning the violin and mumbles. ''I don't sound that socially awkward at all.'' All through that rambling I watch him. Not in a creepy way but I'm honestly intrigued. How he gets uncomfortable which I understand but that slight blush makes him cute. I don't want to make him feel awkward. I like it when he laughs and talks. So maybe I can make him that, let him know I understand. ''I don't think you sound weird at all.. your position is difficult, I get that. Let’s talk about things your answers or opinions won’t cause any problems on. A normal conversation.'' I pause to come up with something. It sounds ridiculous in my own head but maybe I can try. ''hmm favorite animal?'' He relaxes and finally meets my gaze with a laugh that I answer back with a smile. ''Is it bad if I say that's a very difficult question to answer?'' I keep smiling. This guy.. Maybe I can distract him a little with another activity. He might appreciate to lose that tension.

''we should try get it working and find those records.'' Aran was grinning, making me smile even more and gets up. Of course first securing the violin in its case. I feel like if he’ll ever get a scratch on it, he’ll never forgive himself. Together we search the room and of course, just like last time when he found the cleaning supplies he is the first to find the records hidden behind a secret door, in two boxes together with two acoustic guitars and other instruments I don't exactly know the name of. How he does it, I have no idea but help him take the boxes out and flip through the many records. It's mostly classical and I show one to aran he looks at it, blowing the thin layer of dust from it. He doesn't do it on purpose but I sneeze nonetheless. I almost miss the question as he asks why I'm here. ''not a particular reason.. I had nothing to do and I didn’t feel like hanging out with the other selected.. this room needed to be finished anyway.'' it's not the whole truth but he probably doesn't want to be bothered by the real reason. He apologizes for making me sneeze and tilts his head. ''Do you girls have drama going on already?'' ''Not with each other, I think. I’m not really friends with any of them. Not because they’re not nice or anything, they seem like great girls. I just.. am not interested I suppose? I thought I would make some friends here but turns out I really appreciate some alone time for the first time in months.. life has been quite hectic.'' it flies out before I know and I can see he's a bit curious after it. ''Life or work?'' I scratch my arm awkwardly. Now I'm the one uncomfortable. But I'm not a fan of keeping things from people. Especially not the ones who have been so kind to me and I can laugh with. '' Work affected my life all the time.. so both? I was daily on set or traveling in-between Angeles and Waverly and Hudson for jobs. *scratches her arm because she doesn’t want to make it too obvious but she isn’t a fan of lying so she says* I needed to settle somewhere solid. Then this came along.. *sighs* it sounds so whiny which makes me feel bad sometimes. At least I had a job or enough food. Most Fives don’t. *she looks at him sad smile* sorry.. it sounds stupid.'' I do feel stupid for it. I don't want to complain, just like he doesn't want to complain about his job. ''Constantly moving doesn’t seem like something that would really help when you want things to slow down...I get that. I don’t think it’s that whiny. Yes, you have it pretty good, but that doesn’t mean you have to be stuck there forever. If you can make things better for yourself, why should anyone stop you?'' Why. That's the same question and debate I've been holding inside my own head for weeks. Why don't I just do it? What is holding me back? Money.. But that won't be a trouble anymore now with the Selection. ''True.. it’s a debate I  created inside my own head I guess.'' I tell him. The seriousness has once again returned. But now it doesn't feel so bad. Maybe because he isn't making me feel bad about it. ''What happens when you have to leave?'' another question I have been asking myself late at night when I can't sleep. What will happen.. ''I’ll probably head back to Hudson. And try to get some work there even though I prefer the movie work in Angeles.'' ''I thought that sci-fi guy you were working for filmed in Angeles'' he questions and I try not to sound too bitter or sad when I answer him. ''He removed me from the project when I got selected. They have a tight filming schedule..  it’s fine.. I’ll find something new.'' His eyes turn softer with sympathy something I appreciate. ''Wouldn't you be happier if you'd stayed away from the Selection then?'' would i? I don't know. ''maybe.. I’m happy now too. The experience is great and I’m putting myself out there as well with so many cameras around. It’s maybe a selfish reason.. but somehow I need to think about myself too if Ben sends me away.'' he doesn't seem to mind me sharing this with him. It's the reality. and opening this up to me is maybe a bit dangerous. But I trust him, strangely enough. He trusts me with keeping this room a secret so I can tell him this.Though I want to keep that excitement of the record player going and change the subject to that again. It’s a wonder but he gets it working. He’s just as surprised as I am, I see it as he looks at me. The excitement in his eyes. And we don't say anything. The moment is almost called perfect as he leans against the desk and we watch the record playing the slow classical song. Mom's theatre always had these kind of songs before the actual performance started. I look over to aran, bobbing his head to the music and I smile at the fact at how lost he can get in the music. I think my discovery of the record player was a good thing for him, something he was in need of. My attention gets pulled back when the song speeds up just slightly. Then I feel his hand on my arm and I look at him as he gently pulls me in a waltz position. He links one hand with mine. The surprise makes me almost bump into his chest but his other hand on my waist steadies me and I meet the excitement in his eyes with my own. We’re dancing. Besides, he looks unapologetically happy. As if he forgot about all his troubles in just one moment. He's a good dancer and I've had some practice myself so I can keep up with him and the rhythm even when he pulls away and spins me around. Though the fact I'm not wearing heels makes it a lot easier. When I return back to the first position and the music calms he say: ''Pangolin.'' I frown, maybe I didn't hear him right. ''What?'' ''My favorite animal. It’s the pangolin. And my favorite color is blue. Or green. I’m bad at picking.'' That takes me so by surprise that I start laughing kindly. So he can make less serious conversation. It makes me so happy that he can manage it and at the end of the song I keep holding his hands, wanting to stay in this bubble of joy for another minute so I pull him in for another dance when the next song starts. Now he is surprised but doesn't pull away, instead he keeps moving on the faster beat, as if to challenge me to keep up. And so I do. We keep dancing and just focus on each other and nothing else. I’m happy. Truly. There’s no place for the interview or the money issue in my head and he’s not thinking about his own work for once as well.

Right now it’s just Aran and Zara, a Prince and a Selected, being goofs while dancing together. And it’s okay.

Before the end he even dares to lift me in the air a little spinning me around again and I allow myself to laugh loudly at the action feeling so careless and happy. Who could’ve imagine this to ever happen? I’m sad when the song seems to slow down but at the end I squeeze his hands before letting go to make a dramatic curtsy.

‘’It was an honor.’’

his eyes are focused on me. ‘’I could say the same about you, it was nice.’’ I let out a small laugh and brush the hair that fell lose from my bun out of my face.

‘’it was.. I never imagined myself dancing in an underground music room.’’ Especially not with the Prince of New-Asia. But I don’t tell him that part. I give him a careful smile when I ask. ‘’Was this enough to distract you?’’ He is still smiling, which makes me feel good. ‘’Better than I thought. Thank you for going along with it.. really.’’ then another soft song starts playing and he looks at the record player. ‘’I guess now we can get back to cleaning.’’ I grin, hopefully he can make out from it that I'm thankful for this afternoon. That we managed to be each other's distraction. I find the rag where I left it and throw it in his direction with a smirk. ''This time we'll finish it.''