#like he just wakes up and just starts HATIN on everything and everyone

[naiokenx10]

we need to talk about how much Bi Han is a HATER this era like goddamn dude be happy about something FUCK

[maipareshaan]

Adam Lanza School shooter having dreams about school

-Adam Lanza youtube video (Pointless) CulturalPhilistine The Movie (Part 1/6)

'I . . . I actually have a lot of dreams about school. It’s strange but I still dream about middle school and, well, not my middle school but … I don’t know, I, I always, you know, that sense that you have in a dream when you actually know something, tha-the environment I’m in, I just know it’s middle school or high school or something like that but usually middle school.'

-Adam Lanza Youtube video Strange Dream #1: Beyond Dreams [sic] Door Is Where Horror Lies

Adam Lanza dreams about not doing something he was supposed to do in school and being put in jail. Escaping to be then be put through an obstacle course which he must ride in a tricycle and the person who is most entertaining will be allowed to be free from prison. The crowd is cheering except for one dude who says he sucks. He thinks he is going to win but then wakes up.

Excerpts from the video-

'~Dreamt on the lovely morning of 9/20/2011.

'I just woke up about ten minutes ago and I had a strange dream so I thought I would explain it. The background was basically, long story short was, I was in high school and I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do and told the authority figures to fuck off and I got imprisoned.'

-Adam Lanza youtube video Strange Dream #2: Which side of the door, again?

He is talking about a dream he had of high school but not his school like a fictional layout of a school, where there was an assembly about how awful he is, he then got bullied by the principal and a teacher. He also is very assertive and defends himseld in the dream. He also takes plans to withdraw but is thwarted and also tries to escape from the school when a teacher starts mocking by being a barrier between him and the door but he is able to get past her and leave school.

Some excerpts from the video-

"~Dreamt on the lovely morning on 10/5/2011. Yes, the principal spoke to me in pseudo-iambic pentameter. Haters be hatin’. I’m back with another strange dream description … although when I woke up, I didn’t think “What did I just dream?” I thought, “That’s exactly how I feel” even though I guess the other one sort of applied in that sense too, but anyway .. . This part of the dream, I didn’t go through, I just knew it has the background. Apparently, I had been at a high school and the previous day there had been a … an assembly about how terrible of . . . [laughter] there’d been an assembly about how terrible of a person that I am. And .. . everything like that and how much everyone should hate me. And so, the next day I came in — into the school of course it, again it wasn’t my real high school, it was a fi-fictional layout along with fictional people. And I went up the stairs thinking how much I hated everything about the placeand entered a hallway, and wouldn’t you know there’s the principal walking down the hallway, he sees me. The principal comes up to me and grabs me and says: “Hi there, Smig,38 I wanna talk to you for a minute.” And I say that I just wanna go to class and I don’t want any trouble. Basically, I was saying that kind of thing. And . . . he said, “No, I wanna know what you thought about yesterday’s assembly?” And I basically expressed that it was . . . just slander and uh . . . that he was just being a jerk. Andhe — and he was saying, “I don’t like your attitude” or something like that; “Why don’t you come with me to my office?” and he was pulling me down the hallway, down to his office where there were some other students and there was a bench and he said, “Wait here, I need to deal with some other students first.” So I waited there, and he went into his office. And I had a short conversation with another student I think, and um, I entered the principal’s office intending to get . . . intending to withdraw immediately and there were a ton of students in there for all manner of reasons. I said to him that I wanted the withdrawal papers because I was going to be leaving that second, and he was mocking me, and he was skirting around the issue."

"So I started running down the hallway, and this is probably one of only . . . maybe at most, five times in my life that I’ve had this happen to me, but I was running in slow-motion trying to get out of there. And there were — at the end of the hallway, there was some teacher opening — holding the door that I could leave out of, open. Trying to mock me. And they were closing it and opening it again and closing it and opening it again..."

"...It’s pretty funny when you think about that dream … you would expect someone of my personality to be dreaming about how horrible … other students were to me and that I was being bull — that I had nightmares about being bullied as a child. But I never was bullied by other students. And in my dream, I had nothing but sympathy for the other students, in real life the bullies are the adults. Who would try to … impose culture?"

"And so of course in my dreams, I have nightmares about things like my parents, or school, or the police, or government, or really anything like that. Anywhere where I’m a child and there are adults around."

-Youtube video 'Done with Youtube'

I’m not lying, I actually do have these dreams, it’s just that the reason I’m posting them at all is not so much as a description of a strange dream as a description of what I feel. And it’s, and about that, it’s not that, I would be fine if one aspect of culture like school were removed. The reason why I have nightmares about school and my parents and all of those things are because they represent what culture is. I’m opposed to all of culture, to the extent that I oppose language itself.

-Youtube video 'Strange Dream #3: .. . Door'

Adam Lanza dreams of getting in trouble at the library, being wrongfully accused bcz he accidentally left with someone else's assignment, being told he is horrible, defending himself, getting beaten then reacting with violence and being told he's a brutish criminal and the he defends himself and rants about how adults are the bullies.

"~Dreamt on the beautifully gloomy afternoon of 10/15/2011. This Strange Dream description series seems to have taken on the form of “this dream I had illustrates how I feel,” which is fine with me because that’s more fun than just strange dream descriptions. Anyway, this dream st-started with me in a secondary school library. I was photocopying or copying something, and it was right before the last class of the day, so I finished what I was doing, and I was about to leave the library, and … I had two homework assignments that I’d completed on the counter in the library. I picked them up and some adult there told me that I couldn’t do that, that I had to — I don’t know what they were telling me to do. And I said, it’s fine, they’re mine, I just need to get to class. And the adult followed me out and halfway through the library they stopped me and a couple of them were inspecting my papers. And it turned out that only one of them was actually mine and one of them belonged to someone else. Heh, this seems to be a recurrent theme but … I can’t remember that actually ever happening in my life, I don’t know why I keep bringing that up. But I guess because it’s a way for them to say “look at how horrible of a person he is” because that’s what they started to say about me.

I said, um, well, I didn’t really say much of anything while they were chastising me, the adults left and came back with a bill. It had included hundreds of dollars for various things like the photocopying but there was a $2,500 fine for … leaving the library without following the proper procedure or something like that. I said how ridiculous it was and I was going to contest it to the best of my abilities and that really riled them up. They started … yelling at me and I eventually just said fuck this, I’m dropping out of school, do whatever you want. I started to get up to leave but one of them chased me and pushed me up against the wall and was screaming at me about how horrible of a person I was. And something I said must’ve provoked them into hitting me in the face because they did that eight times, and after the eighth time I slugged them — I slugged her in the face as hard as I possibly could and she backed off. And … started putting on a show of “oh I was just doing my job and this brutish criminal hit me” and I was saying, I was, I was shouting to everyone in the library: “oh come on, she’s, she hit me in the face eight times and I hit her once, how can you possibly say that I’m the criminal here?” And I put on my Tyler Clementi spiel about adults being the ones who bully children, not other children and I eventually just left the library … and the dream ended shortly after that."

[chowtrolls]

Grave Conversations

Length: 1162 Words TW: Lusus Death, Talks of Depression. Brief: Bruuno talks to his dead lusus? Extra: This isn’t my favorite thing I’ve written, I quite dislike it, but I don’t want to scrap it altogether because I did still write it. 

Google Docs 

"...be honest wit me. Am I...am I dyin'?" 

There was no answer. Why would there be? Bruuno was sitting at a grave, first off. He was alone, sitting at a grave off the beaten path from his hive, he had no ability to speak to ghosts as far as he knew, and he didn't tell anyone he was here. The only response to his question was the sound of waves crashing against the rocks below.

CatMom had been dead for a handful of sweeps at this point. Sure, Bruuno had his original lusus now, but it wasn't the same. MegaDad loved him, and Bruuno loved him all the same, but he was never raised with him. That was at nobody's fault but his ancestor's, of course. Bruuno could talk to MegaDad if he wished.. but CatMom was different. She saw a wriggler without anyone to care for him, and decided to do the job herself. She was already fairly old at that point but that didn't bother her. She did the best she could. CatMom couldn't swim and wasn't telepathic like MegaDad, but she was warm and soft. Her purr was like a lullaby that Bruuno missed deeply. A song he could never recreate. When sleep was hard to come by, it was so easy to curl up on her side and hide his face in her fur. Not even MegaDad could do that. CatMom listened and held such a wisdom about her Moments where he got so upset, he found himself longing for her. 

"Meds, you remember 'im? Klasha's annoyin' brother? Yeah, him." Bruuno's voice was soft as he spoke, continuing on like any other conversation, "He said somethin'....like, I ain't livin'. He was worried, for whatever reason." He scoffed at the audacity, looking off to the side. When the waves hit hard enough, they would peak over the top of the cliff and spray everything around lightly. The water droplets sparkled in the moonlight as they fell. It was very serene...as if time was standing still.

"I don't think I'm dyin'...I don't...wanna die, momma. Not anymore. I'm not sure I'm livin' though." He paused to contemplate his words before turning his attention back to the grave. A gravestone marked the spot, though the engravings had started to erode with the sea air. The hydrangea bushes had started to flower, and the grave itself had a handful of wildflowers in bloom. He never really understood how the plants could survive so well, so close to the ocean, but perhaps Boe had someone coming to tend to them. 

"I dunno what I need. Or how t' really go 'bout livin'. I got everythin' I could need…Music, love, companionship. I 'unno what's missin' or why I feel so...empty. Empty 'n wrong. Like I'll wake up tomorrow 'n be back...before. Wake up hungover 'n bruised 'n hatin' life." Bruuno looked at the grave, as if expecting an answer. Anything at all. A sign, or some other thing. But nothing came, just the crash of waves against the rocks once more. The emptiness had only seemed to grow as he did.

"Meds talked 'bout like….how I can't save everyone. He was goin' on 'bout how I'm jus a small cog in the machine. I c'n make a small change but nothin'll happen," He looked back out over at the ocean. The water was seemingly endless, countless seadwellers under the surface just waiting to rise and cause problems. "But...I don't wanna save everyone, momma, I barely wanna save myself. Jus' tryin' 't be happy. And...that's alright." Bruuno nodded sagely, as if the grave had said those words. A concept he had struggled with for so long. 

The world continued to move, with or without him. No matter what happened, it always would. The waves will still hit the rocks, the flowers will still bloom, music will always be made, trolls will grow and breathe and live whether they knew of him or not. Bruuno Sinopa doesn't exist, but the concept of him will fade away one day. This was once a daunting realization that made Bruuno feel so small and useless. Like his existence wasn't important. He would never make the waves stop crashing or the flowers stop blooming. But now it was comforting. 

That was right. He would never make the waves stop, he'll never make the flowers not bloom, he'll never stop the endless cycle of violence on the planet. That thought was terrifying once, but now it just served as a reminder to appreciate the smaller things and not blame himself for everything. Taking a day off of writing wouldn't be the end of the world. In the end, he would fade away, just like the rest of the planet. The rest of the universe. 

He reached out to one of the flowers, touching the petals with such care. A small, but sad smile formed on his face. Silence was not scary here. Existence and silence could not harm him at this grave. He could stop time momentarily and relax. It wasn't quite the same as throwing his arms around her neck and hugging her, but it would do for now. Bruuno closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of flowers in bloom, and sea salt in the air, even the soft earth below him. For once, his head didn't feel like it was full of static. 

Bruuno got so caught up in the peace that he didn't hear footsteps behind him. 

"Hey."

Bruuno startled, but not nearly as bad as he had in the past. Perhaps it was growth, showing he had less to be afraid of. He looked behind him to see Kamuuk standing a few feet away. Kam was one of few trolls who knew of his hiding spot, so he wasn't too surprised to see the other fuchsia.

"How long have you been standin' there?" Bruuno asked softly. 

"Not long." They both knew it was a lie. "I brought East Alternian and some leftovers from the cafe. Lup said you promised her a pair of my shorts." 

With that, Bruuno stood slowly. He glanced down at the grave one last time to say goodbye. He turned towards Kam and started to head back towards his hive. 

"Did Lup say which pair-"

"You have more than one pair of my shorts? Seriously? How do they even fit your big stupid ass?" Kamuuk scoffed, lightly shoving Bruuno as they walked. 

"Aw, you think my ass is fat? I'm flattered, hon." Bruuno laughed softly. He felt better, having been able to leave his troubles at his lusus' grave.

"That is not what I said!"

As they walked away, the grave remained still. A wave crashed once more, showering the flowers in droplets and making them dance in the breeze. The grave would still be there when Bruuno returned, always happy to listen.

[second-chance-stray]

RP Log: Cravendy meets Lin! I think both of them have a terrible time.

Cravendy Hound woke up two days prior, and has spent those days awkwardly exploring the company while simultaneously avoiding all of its members. Finally, she understands what has happened in her absence...a very basic understanding, at least. The details are far too many to untangle at the moment.

Cravendy Hound has left a note on Lin’s door, inviting her to meet at one of the Lavender Bed islands. She waits on the bench absolutely terrified. Outwardly, this unintentionally translates into a menacing aura. Fists clenched, eyes dark, looking pissed off as hell.

Aislinn North It was a day with no work to be done. For most people, that would be a cause to celebrate. Right now, at this point in time, for Aislinn, it's a nightmare. Nyscera's people and Bertram, all of them had conspired against her. Sweeping the paperwork from her desk, aiding her in the clinic, leaving her with no escape. Work was the distraction used to keep her thoughts from looking back. Like a colorful toy you waved in front of a child to keep their attention where you wanted it. However, there was one piece of parchment left for her on her now far-too-clean desk. A note. She turned her head to the sound of approaching footsteps, the blood promptly draining from her face as she read it over. What in the Seven Hells was this? She fought back a litany of curses. No. She wasn't doing this today. She couldn't do this today. However, underneath the note was another's handwriting. Bertram had written something. And whatever he had penned had her out here, in the rain, making her way to this damned meeting. She caught sight of the familiar silhouette as she approached and immediately felt her throat go dry. As she drew closer, she realized the look was all wrong. The anger, the glaring eyes. Nothing about this....person was Wyda. She came to stand wordlessly just under the gazebo's shelter. She simply couldn't find anything to say.

Cravendy Hound similarly feels her heart sink when Lin steps into view. There is no plan, no eloquent speech prepared. Hells, she doesn’t even have a rough idea of what she wants to talk about. But she feels like she has to say something - anything - for both of their sakes. And yet, words fail her. The silence stretches between two of them like a widening fissure, and it feels unsurmountable. Gods, what was she thinking?

Cravendy Hound gets up. Why did she do that? Now she’s standing! She moves to sit back down, but wouldn’t that be more awkward? Cravendy freezes in a half-squat for a second until finally deciding to throw caution to the wind. Hells. She’s got the nerves of a kid on stage for the first time, but at least things can only get better...right?

Cravendy Hound strides over to Lin, grabs her shoulder, sits her down on a bench, and then takes a seat across from her. Okay, pieces in place. Things should happen now. Aaaanytime now. “.....................................”

(Aislinn North) ((Awww! OKay, this has me laughing! xD)) (Cravendy Hound) xD!! )) (Cravendy Hound) cravs has 0 braincells 0 plans. the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in many ways ))

Aislinn North eyes flared widely as Cravendy grabbed hold of her shoulders, clearly taking umbrage at being maneuvered into place by a person she knows is a total stranger. Unfortunately, her still-healing injuries leave her unable to swiftly move out of the way in time and she finds herself plopped on the nearby bench instead. "Nymeia's bloody britches." she muttered, returning the Seawolf's glare with one of her own. "Starting to think I might have been better off wandering another circle around the House." In all honesty, it's the most emotion she's displayed since the events of that horrible day.

Cravendy Hound: “Aye, you an’ me both. Suppose we got that in common? Not wantin' to be ‘ere. Today being a weird an’ unpleasant day.” Cravendy tries to laugh and her voice cracks from high to low. Twelve have mercy, her expressions are not fully her own yet. Her face reddens and her scowl only deepens. “M-mud an’ shite! Been more than a year since I last spoke, I promise I ain’t like this normally...”

Aislinn North "I'll have to take your word on that." came Aislinn's rapid fire retort. She had clearly reached 'Anger' along her trip through the five stages of grief. But even she can hear the bite in her words and knows they're misdirected. She looked away, out over the water as a war waged within her chest. Logically, what happened wasn't Cravendy's fault. It also wasn't Cravendy's fault she woke up. She just did. Logically, Aislinn knew all of this. She just didn't like it. "....It'll get easier, I'm sure." she finally, grudgingly allowed. That felt alright to say. That felt safe.

Cravendy Hound winces slightly, but the bite in Lin’s voice feels deserved. It isn’t as if she’s unaware of what has happened in the past year. In dreams you can become another on the flip of a dime...She’s in possession of memories that are both hers, and not hers. She shakes her head.

Cravendy Hound: “Don’t go easy on me. I know what happened. The mess I caused.” She  crosses her arms and...my god. She was never going to get used to how after waking up, she suddenly had the toned body of a fistfighter. God, everything is so weird. “...An’ I won’t go easy on ye. Ye look like shite, an’ ye look like ye can stand to get somethin’ off yer chest.

(Cravendy Hound) sleep is the most powerful workout xD )) (Aislinn North) ((God, I wish that were true! lol!))

Aislinn North shot the Seawolf a swift, dry look out of the corner of her eye. "You're looking for someone to unload on you, aren't you?" she shrewdly assessed. "Did you? Cause this mess? I mean, did you mean to summon..." her voice caught, stumbled over the word. "the primal?"

Cravendy Hound: “Personally, could do without. But when ye do somethin’ wrong, an’ ye don’t get what ye deserve then...well, I’d be wonderin’ whether or not I was still dreamin’.” Her jaw set, tight. To Lin’s second point, she found herself at a loss for words. Part of her wanted to absolve herself of guilt and claim it wasn’t her fault. A half-truth to make everyone feel better, and one that she knew would gnaw away at her heart like all of her other white lies. No...She literally died following this creed. She had to carry on differently, no matter how uncomfortable.

Cravendy Hound: “....It was unintentional. But what I did leadin’ up to it was my fault.”

Cravendy Hound: “Accident or not, I made a right mess of things. If hatin’ me will make ye feel better, then I’ll gladly bear it.” Hair fell in front of her face as she let out a short breath.

Aislinn North "How could I hate you? I don't *know* you." Aislinn replied. "And that's an awful lot of wasted energy, in my experience." She grew quiet as she mulled over Cravendy's words. For a long stretch the only sound was the rain drumming against the roof of the gazebo. She saw what she was trying to do. Get all the information and assemble it into something that made sense. That gave her answers. And what would answers do now? They wouldn't change the outcome. "You're right though...you did make a mess of things." she said with blunt honesty. "And we're all just going to have to learn to live with it. Not all of us are going to manage...*well*"

Cravendy Hound’s brows knitted together. She was partly relieved to hear that she wasn’t going to be immediately hated by Lin. Dream-friend or no, it was definitely something she could do without. But the other half of her was frustrated at the existence of yet another problem that she caused, that she couldn’t fix at once.

Cravendy Hound: “Maybe ye don’t know me, and maybe I don’t know ye, but whether ye like it or not, I’m ‘ere for you. Because...” Cravendy pauses. Because what? She feels selfish for saying anything at all. If her goal isn’t closure, then what is it? She doesn’t know, and it infuriates her. “...Just because.”

Cravendy Hound: “....................” It dawns on her that she hasn’t introduced herself. Shit, is it too late to bring it up now? She simmers in anxiety and, as usual, it comes across as looking like she’s about to fight something.

Aislinn North sat back sharply, caught up short. Clearly, she wasn't ready for that. She looked away. Her fingers tapped out a quick rhythm against her leg, her jaw squared. How many times did it take for her to learn this particular lesson? Cracking herself open again and again only to lose people. No. *This* time she would get it. *This* she'd learn. Upon glancing back at Cravendy, her dark musings fly from her. The woman looked like she wanted to punch something. Aislinn tensed. "Alright, there?" ...she asked uncertainly.

(Cravendy Hound) xD )) (Aislinn North) ((Lin's wondering if she's gonna have to dodge and roll xD))

Cravendy Hound narrows an eye as she reads Lin’s expression. Shit, looks like she’s closing up. But then again, what other outcome could she expect? Thrust herself in her life and expect immediate and full reconciliation? Of course not. Cravendy doesn’t know Lin either, and maybe never seeing each other would be the best path to take...but it feels wrong to see her like this. It just does.

Cravendy Hound: “It’s not alright! I...I wake up after tryin’ to end things and I guess things are better? But worse at the same time? I’m still where I was a year ago an...” She cuts off her outburst. Piss n’ wind, just another way to further alienate Lin. “‘SCUSE ME.”

Cravendy Hound gets up, dunks herself under the water and yells at the top of her lungs. When she comes back, she looks spent. “Should’ve said this at the beginnin’, but I’m Cravendy. And I’m...I’m just losing me mind! Haha. That’s a...a joke.”

(Cravendy Hound) i dont know whether to laugh or cry )) (Aislinn North) ((ohhhhh...I think this is one of those times where its just both!)) (Cravendy Hound) both? both. xD )) (Aislinn North) ((xD)) (Aislinn North) ((Also did she just go and pitch herself into the water, or just her head?)) (Cravendy Hound) LOL she stepped into the water, slams herself completely underwater, and then came back )) (Aislinn North) ((lol! Got it!)) (Cravendy Hound) lmao i dont know which would give off more of an insane person vibe. if she crawled on the wood and dunked just her head in the water versus what she actually did )) (Aislinn North) ((lol! Oy, that's true! Six of one, I suppose))

Aislinn North As the woman let loose on her, Aislinn realized the turn of phrase she's used since childhood may have been misconstrued. She sat in stunned silence after watching Cravendy pitch herself into the lake. She'd get up but at the moment, in her condition, that seemed like too much of a chore. "I didn't..." it was all for the best as Cravendy immediately returned and squelched back down on the bench. "It's just...something I say. Of course nothing about this is alright." she let go a breath. "Cravendy...I gathered that. From the note you left me." A part of her had to admire someone who could do exactly what they felt like doing. She, herself, had been holding in a scream for days. She looked forward to when she could pick up her pistol again and target shoot. She had always been better at letting her gun snarl and growl for her. "And like I said, it's not an easy thing. But it'll get easier."

Cravendy Hound sits in wet, miserable silence. Her hair, once a dense tangle resembling a pine tree, is now slicked down against her face and shoulders. And she’s godsdamned grateful for looking like a mess right now, as it hides the tears and redness in her eyes. She’s not some whelp to be pitied, she’s a tough pirate that shoots first and asks questions later! Used to be, anyway. Cravendy sniffs once. Must be the cold.

Cravendy Hound: “Hah, ah...No.” She takes a bundle of hair in her hand and wrings water out of it. It’s a little salty. “Yeah. No...No? No.”

Cravendy Hound: “........Aye.”

Aislinn North tipped her head as she listened to Cravendy argue. Though whether it was with Aislinn or herself, the highlander couldn't be sure. "Aye." she affirmed. "Because there's no other option." she spoke like someone who knew that was the way of it.

Aislinn North After a pause, she slowly pulled herself to her feet. "I'll be heading back to the House now. Not that anyone has left me much of anything to do...but still." she sighed. She hesitated a moment, studying Cravendy. Feeling torn in several directions all at once. "Come back up when you're ready. No sense sitting in wet clothes for very long."

Cravendy Hound sighs. Well, that went swimmingly. She shrugs her shoulders and lets Lin go, preferring to unwind in the privacy of this lonely island for now.

[chazzfox]

SO many thoughts on Frozen 2

So I've been doing a lot of thinking on Frozen 2 after reading a lot of other fan ideas, reviews, etc, and rewatching the first movie and basically obsessing myself into an interesting state of mind. I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. I accidentally wrote out a long, long, LONG post so uh, congrats if you read it. SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SURE.

1. My biggest thought by far is in regards to people saying that Elsa found herself in the first movie, and why must she struggle through who she is again? Well...because you don't stop finding yourself, and especially at a young age. I'm 33. I think I got past hurdles in expressing myself and accepting who I am, everything from what were weird interests (to me) and even my own sexuality, three of four damn times. It was annoying. And fascinating. And each time there were deep emotions and investment in it.

Elsa found in the first movie she's not a dangerous monster and that she could exist with and love her sister. That's huge, don't get me wrong! But the anxiety was still there and we still see traces of it in the second movie. It didn't up and vanish no matter how many snow toys she might make children or how many times she skated with Anna. And with that kind of high anxiety, and after years and years and YEARS of locking herself away, she was just at the start of things I'd say by the time the first Frozen ended.

It's totally reasonable, imo, that down the road after finding some acceptance in herself and Anna, she would be wondering WHY she is what she is, where she came from, as there's so much mystery in her life. Her parents left her feeling guilty, lonely, ironically powerless, locked up, and with no damn answers for herself. She needs to find herself.

Arguably, so does Anna. Again, I can make similar arguments for her, lonely in the first movie, not much contact with others, striving so hard to be close to her sister. She achieved the latter admirably, and so her journey to find who she is with access to more of the world is a big deal. She always wants to open a door. And she wants to go through each one with Elsa, which is something that had to be handled at least a little.

Again, you never really stop growing, discovering, and questioning. Elsa may have found a huge, huge part of herself, found why she is there and who she is, but I'm sure she will still struggle a little with her new place in the world. This brings me to another subject -

2. Elsa and Anna now separated. There seems to be a lot of division on this topic, and I get it. I didn't really want them apart either. They really do belong in each other's company. And a note, I don't ship Elsa and Anna, so maybe I've lost some of you here ahaha (I don't really ship anyone though). I love their close cuddly sister relationship a lot and felt they were absolutely robbed of it for so long which is probably WHY they often hug, hold hands, touch each other, are somehow right with each other.

However...at least for the time being I think it's also important for their growth as characters. Elsa and Anna both care for Arendelle, but Elsa didn't feel she was 'meant' to be there, so to force herself there for her sister could be damaging when understandably, she would want to understand more about the spirits and the forest that gifted her mother with her. She is a part of the forest, of the Ahtohallan. And to force herself into a role she isn't dedicated to wouldn't be in Arendelle's best interest, so she wouldn't want that either. Elsa has shown she needs that understanding of her role, needs to be where she feels right, somewhere that speaks to her, and for now that is in the forest with the Northuldra people.

Anna loves Arendelle, loves the people, and to ask her to stay in a place where she doesn't belong wouldn't be right either. Sure, part of probably just nodded and said yes because Elsa proposed the split, but Anna also learned that she can do what can be done without her sister. Thinking her sister was dead, she still put on foot in front of the other and achieved her goal of destroying the dam. I do believe for now just the knowledge of knowing Elsa is alive and thriving is enough for her to feel happy.

They also see each other. That much is left clear to us and it's not a long journey for Elsa lol. Probably not for Anna either when Elsa can guide wind, earth and water to help. ...Fire too but yea lol.

They are apart just enough. Elsa can still drop in and have Anna cuddle her to sleep while Kristoff does...idk...talks with Sven. For as many cuddle nights as I imagine those two have had, Kristoff is a pretty chill dude.

3. The parents. Hooboy the parents. A very valid criticism is that Elsa and Anna's parents treated Elsa totally mcfreaking WRONG and yet so much centers around them, and then suddenly Elsa is dueting with her momma in Ahtohallan and crying.

Yea there's some confusing emotions going on there.

The girls loved their parents a lot regardless of if they really messed up. I am sure Elsa didn't know how to feel but didn't want to lose them as she already felt alone and hidden. The topic has come up that her dad knew the forest, her mom was FROM THE FREAKIN PLACE, so how did they mishandle so badly?

Panic, I think. I view it as a lot of panic, for many reasons. Anna being hurt was the primary one, but I wondered if they thought it could indeed lead to the forest waking up and causing trouble. They didn't expect magic outside the forest, didn't know what impact it could have and Iduna never exactly counted on having Elsa as she was.

I don't think they were bad people. Just unprepared and I kind of think this is how it went down with Ahtohallan as well. I posted about this before but I feel like...her parents weren't able to cross, not even her mom, because of how they squandered their gift. They took something wonderful and locked her away, made her conceal and hide from the spirits that wanted to connect with her. So when they decided to sail off and find answers and leave the girls alone, the spirits said "nope, you messed up, you don't get to come in here" and down went their ship.

But to complete Elsa there had to be something, they had to connect her with her mother's heritage and tie her to her meaning in the world. So, Ahtohallan showed her Iduna. Her parents loved her and if there's one major theme in these movies and characters it is the power of love along with self acceptance. Love is what brought Elsa as she was into the world! And that strong emotion and realization resonated, so we see Iduna as a large key.

Whoosh, Im getting tired, and I'm pretty sure I have more to say...but I'll craft that more later.

Some of my leftover thoughts right now are pretty short...I feel Elsa was displayed as ace, but that really depends on the viewer anyway. As much as I would love to see Honeymaren and Elsa, the brief snippets in the movie don't do it for me, but I am sort of relieved to see Elsa having a friend. She deserves a friend that isn't her sister or her sister's fiance or a...snowman. I'm not sure she really tried to bond with anyone in Arendelle, being that she was still sorting her life out after the events of the first movie.

But maybe there will be some more releases of official material, and we'll see. I just hope some of the absolute hate for Kristoff and Anna stops. I'm not overly into it, it's just kind of a boring dynamic to me right now, but not every romantic relationship is super exciting and stuff. They fit well and we see that Kristoff's first words to her after being lost in the woods are "I'm here. What do you need?" He's a good guy, stop hatin' on him.

Oh! That brings me to another thought though - I read a couple of posts where others felt he interrupted Elsa and Anna's moment at the end of the movie. I couldn't disagree more! Elsa didn't display any negative emotion toward it. I think she was happy for her sister, wanting her as happy as she could be in that moment, and the proposal added right in. Anna had felt alone and at her rope's end in the cave, then she got her sister back and after running off on him sort of, Kristoff proposing. Elsa saw her sister elated. And Anna got to have her sister as part of that momentous life event!

Besides, Kristoff is one of those Elsa counts as everyone she's ever loved within those walls. When they met again she embraced him too. I think Elsa was happy to have family again, have it fuller and to know someone she trusts will be there with Anna as she rules. Kristoff's a silly character and it's hard not to write him off when he's alongside such bright stars as Elsa and Anna, but he has a good, solid role. He belongs and so did that part of the moment.

Ugh, and I thought I was tired before...

Guess this is where I wrap this up!

Please, if any of you want to talk about this, even to disagree, don't hesitate to drop an ask or message. I don't want anyone to think I'm actively crapping on their interpretation - this is how it came across to me and after my third viewing I was finally able to get this written. If you didn't like the ending, that's okay, and if you ship Elsa and Anna, Kristoff and Ryder, Elsa and Honeymaren, Olaf and Gale, you do you and follow your shippy heart.

As for me I'mma hit post and get some cake.

[imladris-soldier]

Lashes (pt 16)

Bill Williamson is a racist asshole. Everyone knows it. They just punch him and go on about their day. When a Lakota woman joins the gang, everyone expects things to go on as normal, slurs and all, and for a time, it does. But her curiosity gets the better of her, and she finds that hatred is something learned - which means it can be unlearned, if given time, care, and patience. And she has plenty of those… the first two, anyway.

Bill Williamson x OC

When the carriage arrived back at the house, the sun was just beginning to rise. They all clambered out, murmuring good nights to one another and going their separate ways. Lenny climbed down from the driver's seat promising to take the coach to the wagon fence up at Emerald Ranch later in the day. They were exhausted.

Bill and Star made their way to their tent, barely bothering to wriggle out of their fancy clothes before collapsing in a heap. Sleep was on them in no time, though dreams pushed at the edges of Star's mind. The night had not been an easy one, and her psyche saw fit to continue that trend.

When she finally woke up, some time after noon, she was in a poor mood, though Bill's presence was a comfort. It took a while for him to wake up as well, but when he did, he simply rolled over and gathered her into his arms, closing his eyes again. She laughed softly and nestled in against him. “We should probably get up,” she whispered.

“Don't want to,” he replied simply. “We deserve a day, after all that mess.”

“Hm. Maybe so.”

The entire side of her face ached from his strike, but she didn't want to tell him that. He already felt bad enough, evidenced by the soft, lingering kisses he was leaving on her bruised skin. She felt bad for having asked it of him, but it had kept their cover from being blown, and Dutch seemed pleased.

“Can't believe you ever put up with me sayin' shit like that,” he sighed.

Star shrugged. “You seemed to mean it less. That's what got me curious. It felt like a ruse of some kind – like you were trying to drive me away.”

He chuckled. “Which clearly didn't work.”

“Clearly not.” She smiled, opening her eyes to find him watching her. “So... you don't hate the Indians anymore?”

“I... no. I-I-I still got nightmares, but... but that's war. Bet all them that fought in the Civil War got 'em too, and I don't see them hatin' white folk for it. And you. You don't hate all white folk for what they done to your people. Which is... somethin' else.”

Something uncomfortable constricted in Star's chest, and she sat up, looking between the tent flaps outside. Bill watched her for a moment, then sat up with her, keeping a slight distance. “You ain't never told me... 'bout Wounded Knee.”

“No... I supposed I haven't.” She took a deep breath. “What do you want to know?”

“Well... how'd you come to be there? What-what happened? From your point of view, I mean.”

Star felt like she might puke, but she swallowed down the sensation and began to speak. “I was sixteen years old. My father and I had been traveling alone for some time, avoiding the army, but when he heard of Sitting Bull's murder he was worried and enraged. He wanted to travel to the Hunkpapa village, so we did, but it was mostly empty when we arrived. We did some asking around and found out that those in Sitting Bull's village had gone to join Spotted Elk in the Cheyenne River reservation, but word was that they had chosen to move as well – to Pine Ridge. With Sitting Bull dead, many were seeking refuge with Red Cloud there.”

As she spoke, Star drew shapes in the dirt in front of her, staring emptily. “We met up with them a couple days before camping at Wounded Knee Creek. Many in the camp were followers of the Ghost Dance religion and performed the dance regularly.”

“I never did understand what that was about,” Bill admitted. “People kept sayin' it was sign of an uprising.”

“It wasn't. Those who performed the dance believed that doing so would bring back those who had died and would eventually lead to the disappearance of the white man, but it was important that they did not fight to bring this about. It was just a dance. My father began to dance with them. I suppose, in such dark times, he had begun to miss my mother and wanted her to come back to him.”

The memory of the drums were ever present in Star's mind, and she could feel them pushing against the inside of her skin. “I never danced. I thought it was foolish. The man who came up with it, Wovoka, said that the Christian God had come to him in a vision, and I had no interest in anything the Christian God had to say. Not after how his followers had treated me and my people.”

“Ain't much of a fan of him neither.”

Star gave a small smile over her shoulder before going on. “The morning it happened, I was going about my daily chores. I saw the soldiers coming down from the hill, but they did not seem to be angry, so I thought nothing of it, though when I realized they were disarming us, I began to worry. I started to search for my father. Some were performing the dance, so I thought he might be with them. When the first shot went off, I froze and things just went mad.”

Her brown eyes welled with tears that slid down her cheeks. “Everyone began screaming and yelling. Bullets flew past me, striking men, women, and children alike. I saw a mother with a babe at her breast get shot through the back, killing them both. I saw Spotted Elk fall. He was just an old man. Old, and sick. But he was shot down as though he were a brave with a weapon in hand.” Star's lip quivered slightly, putting a waver into her voice.

“My father found me in the madness and put me onto a horse. He said I must get away. 'Nakípȟa!' Flee, he told me. I did not want to run. I wanted to fight. He smacked my horse's rump, and it bolted. I looked back to call for my father, and I saw him stagger as a red stain spread on his shirt. He fell into the snow, and my horse carried me over the plains whether I wanted to go or not.”

Star had spared him some of the details of watching the insides of men become their outsides; of the screams of children as they were butchered. He had seen it all himself.

“I don't know who shot first. But I do know that the army descended upon hundreds of unarmed people with weapons we could not hope to match and slaughtered us long past the point of quelling resistance. 300 Sioux died that day. Only 31 soldiers. And then the government gave some of the soldiers medals. Awards for murdering my people better than their brethren.” She looked back over her shoulder once more, “Better than you.”

Bill took in the sight of her tears, then looked away. “I ain't... there's no excuse for what was done that day. No explanation. It weren't even a proper fight, like you said. And I... I'm sorry.” When he looked back to her, his own eyes had grown watery, causing emotion to catch in her throat. “There ain't nothin' I can say to make it better, I know that, but... I will never let anyone treat you that way again. Like you ain't even human. I deserved everything you ever did to me and worse for-for-for the things I said. I was so caught up in my own sufferin' that I couldn't see what your people was goin' through, but that's... that's all different now.”

He reached for her, and she climbed onto his lap, her legs on either side of his torso. He brushed over the mark he'd left the night before with his thumb. “I won't hurt you no more. Not for no one. Not for the army or the government. Not even Dutch.”

“That's a hard promise to keep, Bill,” she murmured, leaning into his hand. “Lovers inevitably hurt each other at some point.”

“Well... yeah, but... I won't mean to.”

She smiled. “I'll take it.”

They spent the rest of the day in their tent, not even bothering to emerge for food. No one came to intrude on them, which was surprising, but perhaps telling of Dutch's knowledge of what they'd gone through at the party. It was a needed day of respite.

Mostly the pair talked through the absurdities of the night before, laughing at how pompous the people were. A few impressions were done which sent them both into raucous giggles. Eventually, however, the conversation turned to the future of the gang.

“So, what do you think about all this?” Star asked, gesturing vaguely.

Bill shrugged. “I dunno. Seems like, if we can just get enough money from the stuff we found at the party that maybe we can clear outta here.”

“To where?”

“Well... Dutch been sayin' Tahiti, but... I don't really know where that is. Island somewhere from what I can gather.”

Star frowned. “And you... want to go to this island?”

He shrugged again. “Ain't never been to an island. Besides, you know me. I'll follow Dutch anywhere. Wouldn't you?”

Her initial instinct was to agree with him, but there was a discomfort nagging at the back of her mind. She believed in Dutch and in his dreams for the future, but she was wary of complete committal to anyone. Even Bill, if she was brutally honest. “As long as his path is aligned with my own, then yes.”

“What... what does that mean?”

Star sighed. “It means that I will never let someone else decide my course of action for me. I'm not saying he will, but if Dutch ever takes a turn down a road I will not travel, then... he and I will have to part ways.”

This revelation seemed to surprise and distress Bill who opened and shut his mouth several times in an effort to respond. “But I thought you said... back at Clemens Point...”

“I said that as long as Dutch is with us, I'm with him. He has created a family for which he is trying to provide a better future. The family is the priority, at least for me. My goal is to see this gang safe and happy and living well. If that means we go to Tahiti, then we go to Tahiti. I'm just saying... I care about these people. I want what's best for them.”

“So does Dutch.”

“I know. That's why I'm still here.” She took a deep breath, leveling a serious look at the man across from her. “We all must choose our own journey in this life. Having our paths dictated to us by another robs us of our simplest right: to live our lives free. Dutch knows this. He fights for freedom and choice, and I respect and love him for it. While he may be my leader, he did not choose this path for me. It was one I was already traveling before I fell in behind him.”

Bill's brow was creased in confusion, but after some quiet time to think, he seemed to make his peace with her words. His face relaxed, and he nodded slightly. “I... I guess I just ain't used to pickin' a path of my own. Last time I did that, I ended up in the army. Well and truly lost.”

Star smiled. “I am glad that Dutch was there to help you find your way again. Perhaps now that you have gained some confidence you will feel comfortable stepping out of his shadow. In all things, Bill, you must be true to yourself and nothing else. If you believe it is right, then you must do it. If you believe it is wrong, do not do it.”

He dropped his gaze and smiled softly. “Simple enough.”

….

The next day, Star rode into Saint Denis alone to meet up with Eagle Flies and his father. It was not hard to spot them on High Street, waiting outside of an official looking building, but she was surprised to see a white man waiting with them.

She tied Rhiannon to a hitching post, then jogged across the street. “My friend!” she greeted, waving.

Eagle Flies met her and gripped her arm. “Wicapiwakan, welcome.”

“Call me Star. It is more palatable to the sensitive white ear.” They shared a conspiratorial grin, then shifted to the others.

“Who is this?” the white man asked, smiling.

“This is Star. She and I met when...” Eagle Flies' eyes slipped to his father briefly. “Well, she was in trouble, and I helped her. We saw each other again the other night, and I asked her to come here. Perhaps she can help.”

“From which tribe do you hail, madam?”

“Oglála Lakota,” she answered, holding out a hand for him to shake.

He took it and shook heartily. “Ah! Kin of Crazy Horse and Red Cloud, then?”

She shared an amused look with Eagle Flies before politely responding, “Kind of.”

“Excellent. Oh, but forgive me, I have yet to introduce myself. I am Evelyn Miller.”

“The author?” Hearing the name that so often passed Dutch's lips was a shock.

“Something like that,” he laughed, releasing her hand. “Now, what has Eagle Flies told you of our goals here?”

“Not much. Only that you were seeking the aid of politicians to allow the Wapiti to keep their land. Knowing too well the consequences of being moved forcibly, I would like to help however I can.”

At that moment, Eagle Flies' father stepped up. “You say you will help however you can, though if you are a friend of my son's I must believe that perhaps you are of like mind with him. We do not come here to make war, and if that is your aim, I must ask that you do not help us.”

“Father,” Eagle Flies grumbled, rolling his eyes.

Star shook her head. “No, it is a legitimate concern. I will answer you honestly, sir. I do not have much trust in the white man's government. If they are moving you again, it is for their gain and no other reason which leads me to believe that they will stop at nothing to see it through. However, if this can be stopped without bloodshed, then it should be. If not... well... we'll deal with that if it comes up.”

The older man eyed her with weary amusement, though great wisdom was behind his gaze. “In that case, allow me to introduce myself. I am Rains Fall, chief of the Wapiti.”

“I'm pleased to meet you, sir,” she replied, dipping her head.

“Wonderful,” Miller said, smiling. “Now that we are all acquainted, perhaps we can fill you in on the details of... Oh! Hello! Sir!”

Star spun to see who it was the author was greeting, and she was shocked to find Arthur Morgan approaching them. He seemed equally as baffled to see her standing there, and she very abruptly wasn't sure if she was supposed to pretend she didn't know him or not.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Miller,” Arthur replied.

“Forgive me, I don't believe I ever caught your name at that ghastly party.”

“Arthur Morgan. At least, sometimes.”

“May I say somethin' rude, Mr. Morgan?”

Arthur grinned slightly. “Sure.”

“The mayor thinks you robbed him. Though, to be clear, he wasn't very upset about it. He rather liked you.”

“Ok...”

“Your arrival here is most timely, sir. Most timely. Do you... well, I mean to say... can you... steal things?”

“Is there a reason you're askin' me to incriminate myself, Mr. Miller?” Arthur replied, ever so slightly unconvincing in his affront, though perhaps it was only Star who thought so.

“Have you met?” Miller asked, shifting his attention to the three natives. “This is Rains Fall, a great chief, his son, Eagle Flies, and a friend of theirs, Star.”

Arthur nodded, eyes lingering slightly too long on Star, though they seemed to have decided to feign ignorance of one another. Rains Fall said, “We saw your wagon train crossing the river at Cumberland Falls some months ago, and at the party you were upstairs.”

Through his surprise, Arthur replied, “Well, you have great powers of observation.”

“Yes, my people, if we are even a people anymore, we've fought hard. We've made peace treaties. And those treaties were broken, and we've been moved and punished, and punished and moved.”

“I'm sure.”

“And now I am told we are to be moved again.”

“Clearly contravening the peace treaty signed three years ago,” Miller added.

Ever surly, Eagle Flies muttered, “This will lead to war.”

Rains Fall put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. “No, my son. It will not. It cannot. We cannot fight another war. They have got stronger, and we have become far weaker, Mr. Morgan.”

“It's a bad business,” the outlaw murmured, blue eyes flicking to Star.

Miller took a deep breath and said, “It's to do with oil. I know it is, but I need proof. I believe there were some prospectors who were on their land a few months ago who have filed reports with Leviticus Cornwall and the state government claiming huge reserves of oil under their land.”

Arthur nodded knowingly. “So, you want me to try to steal it.”

“Well, obviously they can't. Even more obviously, I would be useless. Listen, I realize this is a ridiculous request, but we are very desperate.”

“I'm not a do-gooder, Mr. Miller,” came the response. “Gentlemen, ma'am, I'm very sorry for your predicament, but I'm a workin' man; I got problems of my own.” He turned to leave.

Star almost called out to him, prepared to beg, but Rains Fall beat her in both time and motivation. “We will pay you very handsomely, Mr. Morgan.”

Arthur paused, then turned and came back. “How much?”

Eagle Flies sneered, “I told you they're all mercenaries.”

The snort that came out of Arthur was filled with irony. “There's a price on my head in two states, my friend. The government doesn't like me any more than it does you. Like you, I been runnin' for as long as I can remember, and like you... my time here is nigh on done.”

Rains Fall nodded. “We understand, and we will pay. You meet my son in a week near Citadel Rock, just went of the oil fields.”

“Ok.”

“We are very grateful for your help.”

Arthur nodded, eyes slipping between all present – lingering on Star. She avoided his gaze, knowing she would get an earful later.

“Gentlemen,” Miller cut in gently, “our meeting with the senator is soon. We should head over there.”

“This is a waste of time,” Eagle Flies replied. “And his.”

“No, we must try everything,” his father replied. “Come along.”

As Arthur headed back to his horse and the rest moved down the street, the door they had been lingering at opened, and a man stuck his head out. “Mr. Miller! The councilor wants to apologize. He can see you now.”

“We've been waiting... I don't know how long!” the author replied.

“Or next month, if you'd like to reschedule.”

Miller seemed to deflate slightly. “Come, friends. Perhaps the senator won't mind waiting.”

Star followed the others through the doorway, throwing a glance over her shoulder at Arthur who was across the street watching her. She gave an apologetic shrug, and then the door shut.

An hour was spent in the councilor's office as Miller pontificated about the plight of the Wapiti and Rains Fall made his pleas. The councilor barely seemed to be awake, let alone listening to a thing they were saying, and when they left the office, Star felt ready to murder someone. Miller admitted that the meeting could have gone better, but was ready to hurry off to the Senator to try again.

Star made her apologies and prepared to part ways with them, though Eagle Flies chuckled darkly and said, “I don't blame you. It's a crime to waste one's time like this.”

“It's not that,” she replied quietly. “It's just that I don't trust myself not to strangle the next man who treats your father so disrespectfully.”

He laughed again and pat her shoulder. “Go on, then. Can't have you arrested on our behalf. If you're up to it, meet me at Citadel Rock as well. An extra gun can never go amiss.”

“I might do just that. Good luck.”

She crossed the street, leaving them to hurry off. Rhiannon waited patiently for her, nickering slightly at her approach. “I don't know, girl,” Star whispered, rubbing her nose. “This could get ugly.”

Star arrived back in camp before Arthur, but as soon as she saw his buckskin Standardbred through the trees, she tried to make herself scarce. Of course, as soon as he saw her, he made a beeline in her direction, taking her arm and leading her to the back of the property by the run-down boathouse.

“What in the hell are you up to with those Wapiti? Do they know you're a part of a gang? What's goin' on?”

Star held up her hands to calm him. “Eagle Flies is the man who saved me from the army. He and his braves attacked the camp in retribution for the deaths of the Lakota I had been traveling with. We ran into each other at the party the other night, and he asked me to meet them. He knows I've fallen in with a gang, but his father does not. Honestly, I don't think they would have a problem with it, but I didn't know what to do.”

“Yeah, well... me neither.”

“Eagle Flies asked me to come to Citadel Rock. I say we just go together and tell him the truth. You get the papers they need, and you'll be done.”

“What about you?”

“I... I don't know, Arthur. I can't just sit back and watch the Wapiti be treated like this. They may not be my tribe, but... we all went through the same thing. Bullied off our land, murdered when we didn't comply, forced to live off government assistance. I was too young to fight back when it was done to my people. I cannot do nothing as it happens again.”

Arthur sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I get it. It ain't right, what's bein' done to 'em, but... don't you think we got enough problems with the gang right now?”

“Maybe. It just occurred to me when I saw Eagle Flies at the party that I haven't thought about anything outside of this gang for months now, and whether we like it or not, there is a world outside of this. We live in it, unfortunately. If I do not follow my conscience on this, then everything I fight for with this gang means nothing.”

It took a moment, but Arthur finally relented. “Alright. Just... be careful out there, Star. I don't wanna lose you, and when it ain't gang business, I can't protect ya the same way.”

Star hadn't realized that Arthur's concern came from a place of affection for her, and the admittance of that made her heart squeeze tightly. “Thank you, Arthur. Really.”

He nodded, putting a big, rough hand on her shoulder. “It ain't just Charles that gained a little sister when you showed up. We all kinda did. Just don't want ya to get hurt is all.”

Love bubbled up into Star's chest, and she practically hurled herself at Arthur, latching her arms around his middle. He stood, frozen in surprise for a moment, then gently wrapped her up in his burly frame. While it had never crossed her mind that she might one day call a white man family, it certainly didn't ruffle her feathers to do so now.

“Go on, now,” Arthur murmured, shooing her away. “I've got a couple things to deal with before we can head to the Heartlands, but I'll come find ya when I'm ready.”

“What's on your list?”

He shook his head. “Some hair-brained idea of Trelawney's. We're robbin' a river boat tomorrow night.”

She laughed and turned to go. “I don't really know what that entails, but I wish you luck.”

“Thanks.” He turned to go, then turned back and called, “Oh, hey, you seen Kieran lately?”

Star paused, running through the last few days in her mind. “No, actually. Why?”

“Might be nothin'. Few people just ain't seen him for a couple days.”

“Did he go fishing?”

“Maybe. He'll turn up. Just wanted to ask.”

“Sure.”

They part ways, though Star felt uneasy. The last time she could remember seeing Kieran had been the day before the party, but to be fair, she had not been in camp a whole lot since then, and the one day she was she'd been holed up with Bill. It was probably nothing, but the point had been made several times over the last couple days: the gang was her family. If she didn't worry, what kind of sister was she?

[jordmacwriting]

Burning(Part 2)-{r.h. x reader}

Author’s Note: here it is-the second part of Burning! hope y’all like it! there’s no song to go with this fic. Also this is pretty fluffy and cheesy.

Part 1

Masterlist

Requested: somewhat

Warnings: nothing

Word Count: 1396

Previously: “Race continued to sob, tears flowing down his eyes, staining his shirt, breathing becoming hard. He wanted to yell and scream and punch at everything. He wanted to throw a tantrum like a five year old. He wanted to hold you one more time. He felt that once he lost you, he lost everything. He pushed himself up and struggled back to the lodge. Slowly, he got to the steps of his old sanctuary and sat down once more. He felt his pockets, hoping there was a cigar there, even though he knew he had ran out that evening. He grabbed his pack of matches and lit one, looked at the flame, pretending he was lighting a cigar.

“Anthony?”’

Race looked up, and through his tear filled eyes, he thought he saw you. The light from his lit match slowly went away, so all he could see was a shadow. He continued to look, and the more he looked, the more he didn’t believe. He thought you were some hallucination, maybe from the lack of sleep or the majority of alcohol in his system.

“Anthony?” you crouched down to him. “Are….are ya alright, Anthony?”

You wiped his tears away. His eyes were bloodshot, and had dark circles framing the blue sea of his eyes.

“Is it really ya….(Y/N)? Or is this whole thing in ma mind.”

You wrapped your arms around him, and felt him hug you back.

“It’s me Anthony…..I’m really here.”

You felt his head nuzzle into your shoulder, and he silently sobbed. He wouldn’t let go.

“Anthony,” you push him off of you. “Ya...ya reek of alcohol. Anthony, have ya been drinkin’?”

You cupped his face into your hands, and made him look into your eyes.

“Every night for da past two months.” he slurred, small tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Anthony...Anthony, ya can’t do that. That ain’t good.”

“I also smoke a pack or two everyday.” he said matter of factly.

“No, Anthony, that ain’t good either,” you paused. “Let’s get you inside, Anthony.”

“No, (Y/N), not until ya tell me where ya have been the past two months, why’d ya leave me alone. I’se been a mess without ya (Y/N)....I love ya, ya know that?”

You believed that it was the alcohol speaking, not Race, that he couldn’t have felt differently about you in two months of you being missing.

“Anthony…”

“No, don’t call me Anthony. Ya call me Race, like everyone else here. Just ‘cause you’se is mad at me doesn’t mean ya get to call me anythin’ different (Y/N).” he garbled.

“Fine, Race, I’ll ��splain maself in the mornin’. Let’s just get ya cleaned up and into bed….can we do that, Racer?”

“Fine.”

The two of you got up, and Race stumbled backward slightly. You grabbed him and pulled him towards you, putting one of his arms around you to balance him.

“You’se is gonna hate yourself in the mornin’, Racetrack.”

“Trust me, I’se been hatin’ maself everyday since ya left.”

You helped him into the lodge and into his bed, where he sprawled himself over the sheets.

“Your bed is still empty if you’d like to sleep there,” Race mumbled. “Or...ya can sleep with me.”

You looked at Race, where he had a wild grin on his face.

“You’re drunk, Race.” you whispered.

“Doesn’t mean ya can’t climb in here with me.” he giggled.

“Will ya shush, you’ll wake da other boys.”

“Fine, but only if ya get in here with me.”

You looked between your old bed and Race reluctantly.

“Only if ya promise you’ll shut up.”

“Of course doll.”

He slid over to the other side of his bed and made room for you. You clambered onto the bed, crawling under the sheets. Race then slithered towards you and wrapped his arms around you.

“Hiya doll.” he said in a low voice.

You hesitantly let him pull you closer towards him. You could smell the smoke of his cigars on his clothes. You missed that smell so much. You thought about how drunk Race’s emotions changed fast, from mopey and sobbing to a cuddle bear. He started to play with your hair and you slowly dozed off.

You woke hours later to the circulation bell and the boys in the lodge waking up. You pushed yourself away from Race, who now looked like a mess.

“(Y/N)?” Jack asked.

“No way, (Y/N) is back?” Romeo questioned.

You got off of Race’s bed and shyly smiled at the boys gaggling at you. They stared at you for what felt like five minutes before Crutchie hobbled up and gave you a hug. Soon enough, the rest of the guys joined in and you were surrounded by boys questioning you.

“Where’d ya go?”

“Why’d ya leave?”

“How’d ya find Race?”

“How’d ya get back?”

“I promised Racer that I’d tell him everythin’ this mornin’ first. After that I’ll answer your questions?” you said to the boys.

“Yeah, good luck with that mess,” Albert stated. “Bet he was out drinkin’ again. He picked that up the night ya left (Y/N). He’s been missin’ ya like crazy. Cryin’, smokin’, drinkin’. I think he’s got it bad for ya.”

You felt yourself blush.

“I don’t think he feels that way ‘bout me Albert.” you countered.

The boys continued to ask you questions before Jack told them to file out for work. Before he left, he turned around and said: “Your job is here whenever ya want to return for good, (Y/N)....and it’s good to have ya back.”

You smiled at him and he ruffled your hair a bit.

“Thanks Jack.”

He left and you returned to Race, who was still passed out.

“Hey, Race. Ya got work.” you put your hand on his shoulder, careful to completely startle him.

He groaned and turned towards you.

“Ma head is poundin’,” he whined.

He opened his eyes, and it was as if he had no idea that you were ever back….and you understood that there wasn’t a high chance of him remembering that you had returned. He looked like he was gonna be sick.

“(Y/N)....ya really are back.”

“Yes, Racer, and youse is possibly hungover, aren’t ya?”

“There’s a possibility.” he admitted.

“Have ya seriously been goin’ to work like this for da past two months Race?”

“There’s a possibility.” he repeated.

“Anthony Higgins, I said this to ya last night, but ya were so drunk, ya probably don’t remember, but that ain’t good.”

He looked down sheepishly, too afraid to say anything.

“I don’t remember a lot from last night? I don’t remember a lot from any night, really.”

“Well, one thing I promised ya last night is that I’d ‘splain maself and why I left.”

“That’d be nice to know….was it ‘cause of me?”

“Yes...Anthony, it was. I just….I couldn’t handle that you didn’t love me. So I took ma money and tried to find someplace to go. I thought Santa Fe, since Jack always made it sound so beautiful. But I didn’t have enough money for a train ticket. So instead, I went to Brooklyn. I sold with them for a while, until Spot was called down here to deal with ya.

“Spot never told me what was up with ya, but he told me a lot that I needed to come back. It only took him awhile to convince me. So one night, last month, I told Spot that I was comin’ back here. But then I set out for Queens. I sold with them for awhile, then decided that I really did need to come back.” You explained.

“I….(Y/N), I missed ya an awful lot. I made a mistake when I told ya I didn’t feel the same way….I learned to late, that I….I do love you, (Y/N). I just didn’t see it, until after ya left….and Louise, she stopped talking to me-not that I really care, but still. You weren’t here for me when she stopped though. I needed ya. ‘Cause I love you.”

You looked at Race, his face solemn and serious. His carribean eyes were doe like, and he looked at you in a way he never did before.

“Race...I don’t think I’m gonna stay here. I love you too, but what if ya really don’t love me. What if this is still ya bein’ drunk?”

Race launched himself off his bed towards you, wrapping his arms around you, looking down at you.

“Please believe me, when I say that I love you, (Y/N).”

He grabbed your face with one hand, pulling you closer to him. This was it, a moment you had been dreaming of since the moment you fell for him. Maybe, just maybe, you’d have to trust him.

You let him kiss you. It was full of passion. Your hands found their way to the back of Race’s neck and into his hair, twirling it around. He pulled away from you and looked at you, resting his forehead against yours.

“I really do love you, (Y/N).”

Author’s Note: heyyyyy I had to give a happy ending, i frickin love happy endings. sorry if this was just super cheesy and dorky but i also hope y’all liked it!

tag// @ben-cook-can-cook