#theres a tough of Mass extinct fluff at the end

[chowtrolls]

Grave Conversations

Length: 1162 Words TW: Lusus Death, Talks of Depression. Brief: Bruuno talks to his dead lusus? Extra: This isn’t my favorite thing I’ve written, I quite dislike it, but I don’t want to scrap it altogether because I did still write it. 

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"...be honest wit me. Am I...am I dyin'?" 

There was no answer. Why would there be? Bruuno was sitting at a grave, first off. He was alone, sitting at a grave off the beaten path from his hive, he had no ability to speak to ghosts as far as he knew, and he didn't tell anyone he was here. The only response to his question was the sound of waves crashing against the rocks below.

CatMom had been dead for a handful of sweeps at this point. Sure, Bruuno had his original lusus now, but it wasn't the same. MegaDad loved him, and Bruuno loved him all the same, but he was never raised with him. That was at nobody's fault but his ancestor's, of course. Bruuno could talk to MegaDad if he wished.. but CatMom was different. She saw a wriggler without anyone to care for him, and decided to do the job herself. She was already fairly old at that point but that didn't bother her. She did the best she could. CatMom couldn't swim and wasn't telepathic like MegaDad, but she was warm and soft. Her purr was like a lullaby that Bruuno missed deeply. A song he could never recreate. When sleep was hard to come by, it was so easy to curl up on her side and hide his face in her fur. Not even MegaDad could do that. CatMom listened and held such a wisdom about her Moments where he got so upset, he found himself longing for her. 

"Meds, you remember 'im? Klasha's annoyin' brother? Yeah, him." Bruuno's voice was soft as he spoke, continuing on like any other conversation, "He said somethin'....like, I ain't livin'. He was worried, for whatever reason." He scoffed at the audacity, looking off to the side. When the waves hit hard enough, they would peak over the top of the cliff and spray everything around lightly. The water droplets sparkled in the moonlight as they fell. It was very serene...as if time was standing still.

"I don't think I'm dyin'...I don't...wanna die, momma. Not anymore. I'm not sure I'm livin' though." He paused to contemplate his words before turning his attention back to the grave. A gravestone marked the spot, though the engravings had started to erode with the sea air. The hydrangea bushes had started to flower, and the grave itself had a handful of wildflowers in bloom. He never really understood how the plants could survive so well, so close to the ocean, but perhaps Boe had someone coming to tend to them. 

"I dunno what I need. Or how t' really go 'bout livin'. I got everythin' I could need…Music, love, companionship. I 'unno what's missin' or why I feel so...empty. Empty 'n wrong. Like I'll wake up tomorrow 'n be back...before. Wake up hungover 'n bruised 'n hatin' life." Bruuno looked at the grave, as if expecting an answer. Anything at all. A sign, or some other thing. But nothing came, just the crash of waves against the rocks once more. The emptiness had only seemed to grow as he did.

"Meds talked 'bout like….how I can't save everyone. He was goin' on 'bout how I'm jus a small cog in the machine. I c'n make a small change but nothin'll happen," He looked back out over at the ocean. The water was seemingly endless, countless seadwellers under the surface just waiting to rise and cause problems. "But...I don't wanna save everyone, momma, I barely wanna save myself. Jus' tryin' 't be happy. And...that's alright." Bruuno nodded sagely, as if the grave had said those words. A concept he had struggled with for so long. 

The world continued to move, with or without him. No matter what happened, it always would. The waves will still hit the rocks, the flowers will still bloom, music will always be made, trolls will grow and breathe and live whether they knew of him or not. Bruuno Sinopa doesn't exist, but the concept of him will fade away one day. This was once a daunting realization that made Bruuno feel so small and useless. Like his existence wasn't important. He would never make the waves stop crashing or the flowers stop blooming. But now it was comforting. 

That was right. He would never make the waves stop, he'll never make the flowers not bloom, he'll never stop the endless cycle of violence on the planet. That thought was terrifying once, but now it just served as a reminder to appreciate the smaller things and not blame himself for everything. Taking a day off of writing wouldn't be the end of the world. In the end, he would fade away, just like the rest of the planet. The rest of the universe. 

He reached out to one of the flowers, touching the petals with such care. A small, but sad smile formed on his face. Silence was not scary here. Existence and silence could not harm him at this grave. He could stop time momentarily and relax. It wasn't quite the same as throwing his arms around her neck and hugging her, but it would do for now. Bruuno closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of flowers in bloom, and sea salt in the air, even the soft earth below him. For once, his head didn't feel like it was full of static. 

Bruuno got so caught up in the peace that he didn't hear footsteps behind him. 

"Hey."

Bruuno startled, but not nearly as bad as he had in the past. Perhaps it was growth, showing he had less to be afraid of. He looked behind him to see Kamuuk standing a few feet away. Kam was one of few trolls who knew of his hiding spot, so he wasn't too surprised to see the other fuchsia.

"How long have you been standin' there?" Bruuno asked softly. 

"Not long." They both knew it was a lie. "I brought East Alternian and some leftovers from the cafe. Lup said you promised her a pair of my shorts." 

With that, Bruuno stood slowly. He glanced down at the grave one last time to say goodbye. He turned towards Kam and started to head back towards his hive. 

"Did Lup say which pair-"

"You have more than one pair of my shorts? Seriously? How do they even fit your big stupid ass?" Kamuuk scoffed, lightly shoving Bruuno as they walked. 

"Aw, you think my ass is fat? I'm flattered, hon." Bruuno laughed softly. He felt better, having been able to leave his troubles at his lusus' grave.

"That is not what I said!"

As they walked away, the grave remained still. A wave crashed once more, showering the flowers in droplets and making them dance in the breeze. The grave would still be there when Bruuno returned, always happy to listen.