#like he gets back and is immediately in party mode and then finds David right?

[dazzleshot]

Bet people go up to noh varr thinking he’s quicksilver and if he denies it than less people to talk to but also if he goes along with it now he’s gotta fake an accent and also what happens when quicksilver learns he’s doing this? Battle to the death probably

[emmakillianfan]

A Christmas Story for You

To @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ for Christmas. While I haven’t had as much time for it as I had hoped, I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas and enjoy this little story that kind of got away from me. Merry Christmas and a very happy new year to you!

Due to illness and post graduate studies I’m a bit rusty on the fanfiction story writing, but I hope you enjoy it. I have loved the opportunity to be your secret santa. As I said from the beginning, I’m a big fan of your writing.

Getting to Know You at Christmas

Emma Swan hated to mingle at these social events her parents held each year as a welcome to the holiday season. Her mother easily socialized with people, remembering names and details of each person’s life in the coastal town of Storybrooke, Maine. Her father was just as gregarious, shaking hands and clapping older gentlemen on the back as the mused over details of long-ago exchanges and funny occurrences that she never quite could understand. She liked people, even had friends. But there was something missing for her from the conversations and laughter that seemed to lift over the swell of Christmas carols and the flashes of lights from the tree and cameras snapping shots of huddled groups of friends, family, and compatriots.

“Your mother is worried about you,” Ruby Lucas-Gale said with a knowing smile as Emma reached for another mini pizza and shoved it in whole. “You don’t look happy.”

Keeping her lips sealed, Emma shot her friend a plastered smile and shrug.

“You could at least move away from the bar. She’s going to think this is a re-do of last year’s party where you went to bed with a bottle of tequila under each arm after telling everyone that you were sleeping until the new year.”

“I should have kept that promise,” Emma groused, giving a slight wave when her mother looked at her pleadingly. “I could have avoided the Christmas Karaoke party at Victor’s, the cookie exchange at your grandmother’s, and let’s not forget the pot luck at Regina and Robin’s where I was shamed for bringing your grandmother’s frozen lasagna as my contribution. Not only had Regina made one, but I didn’t even realize it was still frozen.”

“You brought a pie too,” Ruby reminded her. “I don’t remember anyone noting that was store bought.”

“I ate it in the car working up the nerve to go inside because my mother set me up on a date. Who does that? Blind dates on Christmas?”

“She means well,” Ruby added consolingly, patting her hands down her red dress that seemed to creep up her toned thighs each time she moved. “And Graham was…”

Emma held up one hand in protest. “Don’t defend him. First he was your ex. He was nice but a little or more than a little too intense with his whole getting back to nature and communing with animals thing. My mother has horrible taste in men for me. For a woman who believes in fairy tales and calls my father her prince charming, I don’t think she would survive a day on Tinder.” It had been the long running commentary at the parties that somewhere in the crowd was there to be set up with Emma. Some who did not partake in the dancing or singing along around the piano would try to guess who it was going to be this year. Bets were currently on about a gawky man with a green tie who was currently chatting up Zelena Mills in the corner.

“Just remember she means well.” Linking arms with Emma, Ruby pulled her friend out onto the makeshift dance floor and began to sway her hips to the beat of a modern Christmas tune that Emma knew was by some current pop singer. “So I’m guessing your next date is in here somewhere. Where oh where could he be?”

“You are annoying,” Emma pouted, folding her arms over her chest yet still swaying a bit to the up-tempo beat. “I thought you had money that guy in the green tie.” He was the typical type her mother would love to see her date. She could hear the school teacher turned public servant now telling her how she just knew he was the kind of guy she would love to get to know.

“Possibility,” Ruby said, tapping her bright red lips in mock thoughtfulness. “What about Archie?” He’s been hanging around over in that corner in a conversation with Regina and Robin for a little bit now. Seems to look over here every once in a while.”

“Everyone is looking at you, Ruby,” Emma hissed in exasperation. You are showing more skin that is advisable with the temperature and you’re currently bumping and grinding to Christmas tunes.”

“Maybe he’s setting up some pre-marital counseling for them. Okay…one of the guys from the mines? Leroy?”

“That’s a tad incestuous since they are practically my uncles.” Emma scanned the crowd to see her father and mother in conversation over by the French doors leading out to the patio that had been sprayed with twinkle lights and that included a new audio system he had spent the day fiddling with as her younger brother tried out the microphones in his own rendition of some sort of heavy metal meets classic rock rendition of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He was just 14 and still at that awkward stage, suffering the embarrassment of parents who doted and friends who loved to point that out to him. Her own son idolized him though. “I’m thinking he’s a no show. My mom is in her plotting mode. Look at the way she’s talking to my dad.”

Sure enough her parents were furtively whispering, her mother holding up a hand to hide her mouth as though nobody would notice. It would be debated for years to come which of the two women noticed him first though. A slender, tall man with piercing blue eyes and sardonic smile seemed to rush up to her parents and hug them in turn. Even though Emma couldn’t make out the words, her father gave the man his double shoulder clap before spinning him about to the crowd and pointing out a few people.

“Maybe him,” Ruby said, lifting onto the balls of her feet even higher than her shoes allowed and balancing herself against Emma. “He’s a hottie.”

“Doubtful,” Emma noted, swinging her gaze across the room to the man in the green tie who was now eating a banana and doing nothing for his resemblance to a simian creature as Ruby had declared. “I don’t have that sort of luck. My mother doesn’t…” She never got to finish the sentence when she noted who had just entered the party and made a line straight toward greeting her parents. Neal…the once love of her life turned affection into weapons and her self confidence into a puddle of what if. She was better now, but the sight of him seemed to jangle her nerves in a way that made her doubt her recovery. They managed to co-parent their son with little trouble, but he wasn’t one she wanted to see socially. The fact he always had a date on his arm just added to her discomfort.

Ruby was one of the few people who understood. Twirling her in the direction of the mystery man who was now noshing on a few of the crisp veggies without bothering to dip them into the various sauces, Ruby leaned in and whispered loudly in Emma’s ear. “Don’t question it. Just go introduce yourself. It’ll be less awkward that way.”

Emma would forever question the logic in that, but for the moment felt her feet begin to move one after the other and in no time she was standing in front of him. His eyes were even more striking up close and she caught a whiff of his cologne that was a spicey scent that she would later blame for her mouth watering and her words feeling like they slid off her tongue without regard to custom or reason.

“Emma,” she said by way of invitation. Her smile was a little forced and her hand held out in mid air a beat too long as he shoved a celery stick in his mouth and raised his own in greeting. “I guess my parents probably told you that.”

“Your parents?” he repeated, the smiled he was giving her lifted higher on the right side of his face as did his right eyebrow. He seemed to be surprised by her, almost as if he was not expecting the conversation. That irritated her a bit.

She gave a wave over her shoulder to where they stood by the fireplace. “Mary Margaret and David. The Nolans. You were just talking to them.”

“Aye, David and my older brother went to school together back in the day. They invited me to…”

She brushed off his explanation. “No, I get it. It’s so them. They don’t think I have any skills in that area at all. Apparently, they have given up on finding someone local.” She shrugged and when he seemed he wasn’t going to answer, she reached across and grabbed a carrot stick. Placing it in her mouth she made a face and immediately removed it. “Rabbit food.”

“You do know how to flatter man, love. I’m not sure I would want to be just one of the multitudes.” His smile was wider as he watched her, his questions about her easy and slick as she tried to explain that her parents were young when she was born and waited nearly two decades before their miracle child was born. He seemed to know nothing about her, which was odd for a set up. Maybe he was just being polite.

“So you’re not from around here,” she asked when he paused to take a drink. Even over the rim of the cup his eyebrows raised again. “I’m the sheriff. I sort of notice things like accents. I do sort of like accents like yours. Different than other guys around here.”

“Boston by way of London,” Killian answered. “And you, love? Always a resident of this seafaring town?”

“Most all my life,” she admitted, leaving out a few pit stops along the way. “Mom probably told you that the best place to take me for a dinner date is Granny’s. She loves it there, plus Granny will spy on us and give her updates every few minutes. I’m more into this Italian place near the docks. Awesome seafood and pasta. And their lasagna isn’t frozen. It’s more date like, I think. You know, checked table clothes, drippy candles, wine, and all that.”

“A classic romantic?” he asked, clearly amused.

“Well, I mean if we have to go out, it makes sense to go someplace like that.” She held out her hand and gestured to his phone. “I’ll give you my number in case mom hasn’t already. A date is a date, but might as well get a good meal out of it.”

“By all means,” he said, handing her the latest device on the market. She noted that he did everything with his right hand, his left staying next to his side and covered in a black glove. She was about to mention it when she heard her father’s voice and laughter.

“You’ve met our Emma,” David said, joining the duo at the table and placing one hand under Emma’s elbow. “Our daughter can be a bit blunt. I hope she hasn’t insulted you or made you change your mind.”

“Dad,” Emma said, swatting him playfully.

“She’s been absolutely brilliant,” Killian answered, shoving his phone in his pocket. “By the way, love, name’s Killian Jones. I don’t believe I properly introduced myself.”

David nodded knowingly. “Killian is here to work with your mother on her bid for the mayor’s office. He’s a wiz when it comes to all things in local politics. Very highly recommended.”

“Work for mom?” Emma asked weakly, trying to ignore the not quite so humble smile that played about Killian’s mouth. “You mean he’s not…”

“Of course, Regina is taking time off to plan her wedding and then get settled into married life. She recommended Killian to run your mom’s campaign since Archie is considering and Mal has already announced. Anyway, it is good you met. Killian’s going to need to talk to you about your role in promoting our family. Maybe you can meet up at Granny’s later this week.” David glanced around the room and gripped his daughter’s arm harder. “I wanted to introduce you to someone I met when I was buying supplies for the farm. His name is Walsh.”

Emma stammered a bit, her face turning pink as Killian continued to hold that smile that showed both bemusement and cockiness. “Walsh…”

“Go ahead, love,” Killian said. “We’ll finish our conversation at this Granny’s or perhaps you might like the atmosphere.”

Emma was sure that her face was bright red as his eyebrows lifted up and down in a way that made her wonder just what lascivious thoughts were rolling around in that head of his. She felt those blue eyes on her as her father made another excuse and led her over to the man in the green tie who was smiling nervously at her and oblivious to her discomfort and not so secret looks over at Killian Jones.

She nodded appropriately and even asked a few questions about Walsh and his furniture design business. Her own rental was outfitted with castoffs and hand me downs that had seemed comfortable and worn at the time. He was telling her why it was important to have pieces that spoke of her uniqueness and character. At least that was what she heard on the occasions she bothered to listen and didn’t internalize the flinches and groans as her parents introduced Killian Jones to every person in the room. She wasn’t pleased to see most of the single women giggling and flashing him flirtatious smiles that he easily returned. There was no need to be jealous, but still the emotion was creeping up her spine as she watched him actually kiss Ruby’s hand like something out of a novel.

“I could show you sometime,” Walsh interrupted. She jumped at being caught unaware and repeated the words back to him in hopes of making some sense of the situation. “My shop. I have some really beautiful pieces I think you would like.”

“Well, if I am ever in the market,” she said, realizing that he was holding out a business card with his personal number written on the back. “Have you met August and his father Marco. They do some of the most beautiful woodwork you have ever seen. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~

“We were right about the monkey guy,” Ruby said defeatedly, kicking off her shoes and reclining on the bed in Emma’s childhood bedroom. The room didn’t quite do justice to the angsty teen she had been, but still boasted teen idol posters of boy bands and even the dollhouse brought by Santa one year. “But that other guy was cute and quite the charmer. Even I was about to hit on him. I had such high hopes for your mother.”

Emma flinched as she unclipped her hair and left it to fall around her shoulders in soft waves. “Yeah, so he’s not my set up of the year. Yet I asked him out, sort of. I don’t know. I made a fool out of myself.”

“He didn’t seem too offended,” Ruby suggested. “I mean I was distracted once Dorothy agreed to dance but every time I looked in his direction he was looking in yours. And I might add that was pretty often.”

“Right, he was probably trying to figure out what was wrong with me.” Emma was about to bemoan her embarrassed state a little more when her phone dinged out one and then another text message. She reached over to grab it and groaned with the realization. It was Killian. Ruby immediately wanted to know what he had to say and proceeded to inspect the picture he sent just in case Emma was confused if he was the guy in the green tie or not.

“Emma, you might have had a rough start, but he’s hot. And he’s clearly interested. Why else would he text?” Passing the phone back, she shrugged. “And let’s face it, you and commitment aren’t that strong of allies. He’s from out of town. Mary Margaret said he travels all over to do these little campaigns. I’m seeing excellent fling material.”

The text was taunting her, a coy comment about Italian restaurants and then a reminder of who he was with the picture. “I should answer him. I mean it would be rude not to answer, right?”

“Your mother would say not to be rude to anyone, but I’m telling you there is no reason to be rude to that guy.” Ruby reached over and grabbed a 10 year old magazine from the table, clearly bored with the conversation. “But I mean it is up to you. Text him. Don’t text him. Your choice.” Ruby flipped the pages casually, bringing up what dresses Regina was going to want them to wear at her wedding. She insisted that red wouldn’t be that garish at a Christmas event. It wasn’t until Emma refused to correct her that Ruby even looked over cautiously. “You haven’t texted him?”

“I was thinking about it.”

“You like him, don’t you?” Ruby propped herself onto one elbow. “It’s written all over your face.”

Emma shoved the phone back in her bag and let her head loll against the mattress as she sat cross legged on the floor. She rarely was in this room now, but somehow it felt comfortable and almost nostalgic to discuss dating and boys with her friend just down the hall from her parents. At least she wasn’t practicing writing his name with hers or anything like that. “I don’t get crushes.”

“You’re much too tough for that.”

Emma wasn’t exactly wrong about her aversion to crushes. She was in her twenties and already sheriff of the small coastal town. She wore practical boots or sneakers more than heels and her long hair had not seen princess curls in months. This event at her parents was the first time she’d worn a dress except to church. “If I did, and I’m not saying I do, what difference does it make. I’m a grown woman, mother of a 10 year old, and I have a career. I’m hardly going to make cootie catchers and see if his name comes up after saying some horrible rhyme.”

Ruby nodded thoughtfully and went back to the magazine. “Not to mention horribly ugly and boring. I don’t know how I put up with you.”

“You are going to pay for that one, Ruby,” Emma laughed, tossing a pillow and joining in as Ruby cackled with laughter. They were both laughing so hard that Emma barely heard the familiar chirp of her phone ringing. Holding up a hand to silence her friend, she shushed her and reached for it. She only hoped she sounded less winded than she felt as she said her own name and waited for the response.

“I hope I didn’t call to late,” a male English accent sounded on the other end. Even without seeing him in person, she could already picture that bemused smirk and light in his eyes. “I meant to check back with you, love, but time got away from me and then you were gone.”

“Oh um…good…I mean great…I mean you didn’t call too late,” Emma gestured wildly at her friend who was making choking signs in response to her word vomit. “But why did you call?”

“Well, love, you did give me your number,” he reminded her. “I tried texting, but didn’t get a response. I thought perhaps you were screening, but I had to give it a shot. I was hoping you might have a bit of time for me tomorrow – breakfast perhaps? I know you said you preferred that little Italian place, but I have never known such an establishment to be open very early. Perhaps that Granny’s, you spoke of? We could save the Italian place for our dinner date. I have been craving some ravioli lately.”

“Date?” Emma stammered, ignoring the way that Ruby looked ready to pounce. “I…”

“You did sort of ask me out and I must say it was a masterful way to do so. I would love to accompany you for dinner, Emma. But first we have a bit of business to discuss about your mother’s campaign. Breakfast then? 8 a.m.? Granny’s?”

“I’ll be there,” she answered dully as he spoke politely for a moment about thanking her for her time.

~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~

Emma’s father had not gotten the memo that she was going out for breakfast, as he was flipping pancakes onto a large plate as she descended the stairs, handed her son his permission slip for the field trip, and dodged the family’s collie that seemed to be underfoot. Her mother showed no signs of worry as she sipped her morning coffee and reminded Emma to wear a scarf and hat as she consoled her husband that there were not too many pancakes and Emma wouldn’t have eaten them all anyway.

She pulled her yellow bug up in front of the diner, taking the last of the spots at 8:05 a.m. That was early for her and not a big worry that she was late for meeting with Killian. That was until she walked in, kicked a bit of the snow off her boots (the black ones with a heel that were in her old closet and could not be described as practical – don’t judge), and spied Killian at one of the booths talking to Tink. The bubbly blonde was petite and perfect, a face and voice like a cherub in a painting. Every year she had the solo at the church choir’s Christmas Eve performance and every year people wiped away tears at her beautiful rendition. She didn’t look very angelic as she perched on the edge of her seat and leaned forward to talk animatedly with Killian. Her smile flashing at him and even an occasional stroke of his arm with her hand to emphasize a point. Even in the 90 seconds she had been standing there kicking her boots and unwinding the mile long scarf from her mother, she had watched the waitress stop by and lean across the table to give Killian quite the view down her shirt.

Ruby must have noticed too, as she left her spot behind the counter and fluffed Emma’s hair with an encouraging nod and a teasing note that Emma was wearing lip gloss. Spinning her with one hand on her shoulder, Ruby sort of nudged her in the direction of the booth with a hissed reminder to smile.

“Killian,” Emma said, ignoring the pout from Tink, whose real name was Isabella but didn’t want to be confused with the town librarian, Belle, “sorry I’m late.”

“Don’t trouble yourself, love,” he said, scooting out to stand as she arrived. “I was going over a few notes for the kick off and Tink here was catching me up on some of the ideocracies that make small town politics so fun.”

Emma flashed a quick smile at her childhood friend, watching her slink out of the booth and tell Killian she was in the town directory if he wanted to call. He did not follow her with his eyes as she sashayed toward the door, nor did he smirk like Emma wanted to do when Ruby called after Tink to tell her that she still owed for her morning tea. It wasn’t that she disliked Tink, but there was that feeling that made her feel ill when she saw her flirting with Killian.

He gestured for her to sit down a simple glance toward the counter sent the waitress scrambling to bring them menus and take their orders. Or maybe it was just his order, as he had to call her back to get Emma’s. Despite his seemingly healthy eating style the night before, he matched her order of a hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon. Granny had even fancied it up with chocolate shavings.

His questions were easy at first, wanting to know about her childhood and then her job. While a few were personal, he did not seem to be prying. She even managed to ask him a few and he offered some answers of his own without objecting too loudly and then quickly getting them back on track. She learned of his naval experience that paid for his education and how he had become involved in the campaigns and politics of small cities and his love of the ocean and aged rum.

“So is your position as sheriff an elected one?” he asked, casually resting back in the vinyl seat across from her.

She was taking two sips to his one when she noticed the way he smiled as he watched her. Instinctively she raised her hand up to swipe at the whipped cream that might have gathered on her nose but found none. “What?” she asked in exasperation. “Did I make a mess?”

“No, I am simply enjoying watching you share your experiences as sheriff. Your passion for it shines on your face, love.”

She knew she was probably blushing and rolled her fork through the home fries as a distraction.

~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~

For the next few days they saw each other often. There was the announcement of her mother’s candidacy where she helped place signage. She ran into him when she went to inspect a license of one of the vendors at the skating rink and ended up sharing a drink and conversation. While pondering which type of creamer to buy, he popped up out of no where and offered a suggestion. He was even there when the church choir had a rehearsal, claiming he was talking to some potential volunteers. He did apologize for that when the choir director called Emma out for missing two of her cues in a row because she was watching him, in the words of Regina, make doe eyes at her and silently flirt.

In the mean time, her mother had been talking up Walsh’s skills in design and potential as a date for Emma. There was now a gaping hole in the living room at the farm house where her mother was having him design a custom entertainment center. Her brother was already complaining that the television on the floor was not the greatest idea. Emma tried to explain Walsh wasn’t her type, but her mother wasn’t hearing it and was asking when she was seeing him again. Given that she had not saved his number and had mutually agreed with him that they weren’t really each other’s type it seemed unlikely. However, Mary Margaret was so cutely sure she had done well this year that Emma hadn’t the heart to tell her.

One morning over doughnuts at the station her mother read the speech Killian had written for her campaign and asked her daughter for feedback. Emma offered a few remarks as the woman adjusted the clutter on her father’s desk.

“I think he’s handsome,” her mother said at one point. “Kinda has that mysterious look to him.”

“Who?” Emma asked distractedly. “Dad?”

It was the pronoun game.

“No, I was talking about…” The phone ringing cut off what Emma was sure was a pep talk about Walsh. The conversation was left unfinished as Emma went to investigate the case of the missing trash can lids. Spoiler: some of the kids were using them for sledding.

It was a full two days later before she saw Killian again. Granted he had texted a few times and called her “by accident” when he claimed he had meant to call her mother to discuss strategy. He was humming a tune and scrolling through his tablet when she and her son, Henry, spotted him inside the library. Apparently, he had set up shop in the corner and had everything but a receptionist there to greet visitors. Her son, who had heard his name a few times from his grandparents, pointed him out in a totally obvious way that made Emma want to crawl under the table. Somehow she managed to take a few steps closer and do more than the wave she originally planned.

“Nice office,” she said of the table he had commandeered. “Quiet I guess.”

“It has it’s perks,” he offered. “I was heading over to talk to your father. He said he would be at the station this afternoon. I take it you are not?”

“Short break to get my son home before I go back to face the files on my desk.” She knew her son was already done checking out his three books and would be joining them any second. She only hoped he would not blurt out an inappropriate question. She was about to send up a silent prayer when she noted that the glove Killian normally wore on his left hand was off and a synthetic material prosthetic was in its place. Before she could say anything, he looked down at the hand as though surprised by it and shrugged.

“Naval accident, an accident.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize,” she said not sure what else to say about it. It was clearly an old injury and hardly one she had a blame in causing.

“Tis an old pain,” he told her. “Most days I don’t really think of it.”

She nodded, glancing at her son who was still in conversation with Belle. “Does that mean you are getting more comfortable with me?” She instantly regretted saying that, as it came off a little weak.

“You do seem to put me at ease, love.” He winked at her and leaned a little to the left as her son ran up beside her. “You, lad, must be Henry. Your grandparents tell me you are quite the author.”

Henry nodded enthusiastically and continued the conversation for a few more beats, nearly forgetting his mother was there. Even a comment from another patron, Will, that Killian was clearly trying to get to the mother through the son, went unnoticed by all but Emma who stood taller and tried to let it slide. Killian was quite the conversationalist, observantly noting that Henry was holding a book on piracy along the New England states. That really got them going until Emma reminded Henry that she needed to drop him off at home to meet the tutor and get back to work.

That was how she ended up with Killian sitting in her living room and then the two of them walking side by side back to the station to interview her father. He opened doors for her, asked her less probing questions, and complimented the way she handled one of the boys known for getting into trouble with a stern look and warning. She was starting to feel natural about it all when he stopped short at the wreath decorated double doors and scratched behind his ear.

“I was wondering, love,” he said, shifting his eyes to the door and back to her again. “Rather I was hoping you might…well, bloody hell, I was hoping to ask you on that date. I gather you weren’t aware of who I was or why I was here when you sort of asked me.”

“I thought you were the guy my parents set me up with this year. It wasn’t my finest moment.”

He smiled nervously, his lips tight and his eyes again darting to the doors. She realized he was looking to see if her father was lurking. “It was rather adorable actually and I was thinking…”

She closed her eyes as he searched for the words, something she was sure he rarely did in his life. He always seemed to know the perfect thing to say and the perfect way to say it. “Killian, you don’t have to…”

“And if I want to?”

“Then maybe we could meet up tomorrow evening? Or wait no…tomorrow is the winter carnival for the kids at the orphanage and I am hosting the movie portion. Maybe Thursday…no Henry’s got his soccer game. I would say Friday but I’ve got choir practice and Saturday is mom’s campaign rally.” She truly looked sorry about her schedule as she shifted from one foot to the other.

“Busy lass,” he muttered. “I suppose we’ll have to consider another time. Or by chance are you free this evening?”

Biting down on her lip, she closed her eyes briefly. “I want to say yes, but my father is in there and I’d rather not mention this to him. And given that my son is likely to either eat potato chips and chocolate milk for dinner, stay up past bedtime for video games or inappropriate movies, or worst yet burn the place down in an attempt to see what he can melt in the oven, I’m thinking I need a back up babysitting plan that doesn’t include my parents.”

“Rather not hear the I told you so? Or are you hoping to keep me your little secret?”

“My parents are a little on the enthusiastic side when it comes to my love life.” She tilted her head back for a moment and then made eye contact again. “I have a plan, but you have to swear to me that we won’t be going to Granny’s or any place else they would be spotted.”

He assured her that paper napkins weren’t on the menu. “I have no issue with being circumspect, love. Trust me, I can plan an evening for us.”

If she didn’t trust him, she didn’t show it as he ushered her inside and greeted David. His cheeks were a little red from the cold and she knew hers were too. However, David never seemed to notice their conversation outside. She saw him pulling out his notes when she spoke up and asked David if Henry could perhaps have dinner with them. She managed to ask nonchalantly, simply a scheduling glitch.

“Any particular reason,” David asked, barely hiding his smile.

“I’m going out,” she answered vaguely, crossing her denim clad legs and pulling a stack of files into her lap. “Did you see Leroy’s file? I need to check about his court date.”

“Haven’t seen it. Anyone I know?” He was trying to watch her in the reflection of his computer screen, sneaking a few knowing looks at Killian who was flipping casually through his notebook.

“Oh you know,” she said, pausing to look at a document, “that guy from your party.” She didn’t want to lie to her dad, but she could tell he was not going to let up. It was one thing to have her father believe it was Walsh but another to flat out tell him that.

Killian seemed to understand, interrupting the awkwardness with a cheeky smile. “Since Emma appears to be on a deadline and you’ll be entertaining the lad this evening, it sounds like we need to get through these questions to prepare your wife’s talking points. Let’s start with the most obvious. You have a role that is second in command here at the station and in the community. How does that work with you effectively reporting to your own daughter?”

Emma let out a little sigh and as her father droned on about how proud he was of her, she shot Killian a grateful look. Her father seemed to take pride in both his work and how well she did her job, showing him pictures of celebrations after tough cases were solved and the commendations she had gotten from the governor. Most grown children worry that they aren’t successful enough or are somehow a disappointment to their parents. Emma didn’t have that worry when David Nolan talked about her.

He was still talking about how well Emma had worked with Regina who was stepping down to concentrate on her new life when Emma slipped out to change. Neither he nor Killian seemed to notice that she almost spoke up twice to tell Killian that maybe tonight wasn’t the best timing. Then she reminded herself of Ruby’s advice. He was a nice and more than good looking man. He didn’t even live here. So what if she went out with him. It was just fun.

She repeated that to herself as she went to her car to head home and change. That is until the realization hit that she didn’t really have anything to wear. A trip to one clothing store in town would rouse suspicion and the tailor was a friend of her mother’s. There was only one place to go.

~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~

“No leather, no spiked heels, no red, no plunging necklines, and I would preferably like to sit down without flashing everyone in town,” Emma said as Ruby dove into the bowels of her closet up above Granny’s. The woman had squealed, hugged Emma, and asked if certain parts had been shaved or waxed. Emma assured her that was not an issue and that she just needed something that didn’t have the capacity for her shoulder or hip holster. Ruby had of course said she had just the thing.

With no sign of her wardrobe addition, Emma looked at her phone and two unread texts.

Killian: Your father is in search of your old scouting badges. I feel like we should have code words. Perhaps not. Meet me at the docks at 7?

She answered quickly, not wanting Ruby to interfere with the response that would probably be inappropriate. A quick see you then and an internally debated smiley emoji would have to suffice. The next message was from her mother.

Mom: David says you have a date. Very exciting. When you come by to pick Henry up, I want to hear all about it. I’ll wait up.

Her mother was going to be an issue. She loved the eternal optimist that was her mother, a woman who had more than her fair share of darkness, including losing two parents early in life, but rose above it to see the good in people. Wasn’t that what Emma was doing. She was seeing the good in Killian despite the voices inside that said this was a bad idea. Well, she could rationalize it that way. Her mother truly wanted a happily ever after for her daughter, something even  Emma couldn’t disagree with in scheme of things. The fact that her mother even believed in such things was pretty amazing.

Ruby emerged with a black dress that looked more like a set of random strips all stitched together. Beneath it was a red dress that flared out and looked more appropriate for dancing. And beneath that was a soft mauve frock with a full skirt and wrapped bodice. She knew that was the one she wanted to wear, but knowing Ruby she had to at least try the others. Half an hour later she was wearing the lighter colored dress, matching nude heels, and her hair was what her friend called casually curled.

She was standing with her arms crossed for warmth at the docks at 7:01 when Killian emerged from one of the sailboats with a single red rose in his hands. “Apparently,” he said, steadily walking the gang plank despite the swell of the waves that had her not quite sure if she was standing still or not, “it is nearly impossible to procure just a rose this time of year. You almost ended up with a pot of poinsettias.”

“It’s beautiful,” she remarked. “You didn’t have to go to the trouble.”

He assured her that it was no trouble and that she was beautiful herself. Below deck he had a small table set with real dishes and flatware, a bottle of wine and containers of pastas and sauces from the Italian restaurant she had mentioned. The only thing, he mused, was that he could not do the candles since such items were not really safe on a boat.

“Confession time,” he said, clinking his glass with hers. “I borrowed the boat. I don’t have one here in Storybrooke.”

“I knew that,” she admitted. “It’s my uncle Leroy’s boat.”

“Short man, scruffy looking, kind of grumpy?”

“Always grumpy, yes. It’s nice of you though. Not too many prying eyes.”

He took a sip and pondered that for a moment. “I take it that you would prefer to keep things clandestine just in case. I am also guessing that you gave the information to your friend Ruby just in case I turn out to be a murderer.”

“I can take care of myself.” She squared her shoulders off.

“Aye, I believe you can, love.”

The rest of the meal passed with pleasant conversation and only a few awkward pauses that were usually filled before it got to be too much. Killian had even brought along a set of speakers to stream music allowing them to dance. It was a tough that even Emma thought was sweet as his arms were around her in a way that she admitted fit. She wasn’t sure how much life was left in his phone or when the clouds that had been building all day would open up with snow, but time seemed to stand still as they swayed. Her eyes closed and her head resting against his right shoulder. He lifted their entwined hands and softly kissed hers. She was glad her eyes were closed and her head nestled against his chest.

She could feel his breathing change and his hold feeling tense. Her name came out as a whisper from him. She lifted her head and found his eyes searching hers. “Emma? I would very much like to kiss you.”

“I’m not sure you can handle that,” she teased in just as soft of a voice. Yet she closed the space between them and let him close the rest. Their lips touching softly at first and then with more passion. Her hands gripped at his shirt, pulling him toward her and his hand hovered at her hair before threading through it with a sort of awe she had never experienced.

They might have stayed like that for a while had the siren of her dad’s cruiser not shattered the cold and quiet night. Maybe they should have stayed below deck, ignored her father’s presence on the docks. However, that plan faded as his footsteps grew closer and she knew, just knew that someone had spotted them on Leroy’s boat and reported it. Resigned to the fate that her father was about to find out who her date was with and probably have an opinion about it, she took a step back and turned to climb up into the cold. While he said nothing, Killian placed his own jacket, a worn leather one, over her shoulders. It was a gentlemanly gesture and one that shouldn’t surprise her.

“Dad?” she asked, holding one hand over her eyes to shield it from the giant flakes falling silently from the sky. “Did something…”

Her father looked startled and even a little embarrassed to see her there. His breathing was normalizing when Killian emerged too, which sent his eyes wide and his gasp of surprise sharpening. “I didn’t realize…”

“Everything okay, mate?” Killian asked. His dark colored shirt and black vest offered little warmth against the plummeting temperatures. However, he did not indicate it by shivering or otherwise complaining.

“Sure…I mean I was just answering a call about someone attempting to break in cars when I saw Emma’s bug. Someone said they thought they saw the suspect run this way and…”

Emma gave her father a nod, taking a deep breath to switch back into her role as sheriff. “Any description?”

Her father’s eyes drifted to where Killian’s hand was covering hers and giving it a slight squeeze of reassurance. They narrowed and his voice faltered as he answered, “light colored hair, red sweatshirt, about 5’9”, thin.”

“Sounds like a juvenile,” Emma assessed. “I’m assuming we don’t have any camera visuals. Last time we investigated over here the cameras were malfunctioning and I haven’t noticed…”

“Emma,” her father said, his boots shuffling a little on the worn planks of the dock that were beginning to be covered in snow. “You don’t have to…I mean…You’re on a date…I guess you are.”

“Well, yeah,” she said, glancing at Killian who seemed to be enjoying the moment. Suddenly she felt the urge to clear up the misconceptions she had caused. “I didn’t mean to…” She cleared her throat. “I know you probably thought I meant I was seeing that Walsh guy.”

“Your mother’s buying an entertainment center from him,” David answered with confusion. “It’s not my business who…but where is Walsh?” He did manage to lower the flashlight and seem less ominous there on the docks, but still had his hand on his hip and was rocking backwards as he waited for explanations.

“I’m not really sure. I haven’t exactly seen him since the party.” Emma glanced at Killian who was standing closer to her than she realized. That wasn’t exactly unpleasant as a prospect. “Killian and I…”

“You and Killian,” he father parroted with the confusion that it hadn’t dawned on him. “You and Killian what?”

Killian gave her hand another squeeze and took a step forward as though offering himself as tribute. “Aye, mate. I do fancy your daughter and she and I have been spending time together.”

Blinking back at them, David appeared to running through the occasions he had seen them together and attempting to digest this information. “So the conversation about intentions toward Emma should be delivered to you and not Walsh?” It was too dark to know for sure, but Emma thought he looked a little disappointed.

She reminded him that there was a potential thief on the loose and he assured her he had it under control and to go back to her date. Killian just sort of shrugged and offered his analysis that it wasn’t that much of a secret after all. They talked a bit longer, took a slow walk toward her car, and both hopped in with him saying he would walk to Granny’s after she was safely at her parents with her son.

“That’s ridiculous,” she said, speeding up the wipers against the snow. “I can drop you off. No need for you to freeze.”

He looked toward her in the dark car and gave her a soft smile. “Your father is bound to have told your mother about our date, love. I know you had hoped to keep it secret. I only wanted to offer my services should you want them to fend off her disappointment and concern.” He jumped when she placed her hand over his prosthetic.

“I didn’t mean for it to be a secret. I guess I just don’t want to disappoint them with another failed attempt at matchmaking. My mother has to be ready to give up by now.”

“Perhaps,” he said thoughtfully, “she might have to give up anyway. If we were to date, surely she would not attempt to replace me each year.” Her hand jerked away fast, something he noticed. “I hoped you might want…”

She sighed, turning her car off the coastal road to the one that led toward town. “Killian, I am the one who originally asked you out. Even if that was a misunderstanding. I had fun. I enjoy spending time with you. But…”

“But?”

“But we live in two different cities. The special election is going to be over next month. What kind of relationship can we have when you’ll be off on your next job and I’ll still be here? I’m not 18 and free to wander around after you. I have a job, parents, a son, and responsibilities.”

“We could…”

“Killian, I like you. I like spending time with you, but I’m not interested in starting a go no where or long distance relationship. I want more than a pen pal. Think about it. You do too.” The driveway of the farmhouse was coming into sight and then disappeared as she passed it. “I’ll take you back to Granny’s. No sense in talking to my mother about this. We’ll just say it was a one time thing.”

“As you wish.” His voice was quiet, deep, and almost wistful.

~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~ CS ~~

As the holidays grew nearer, Emma’s parents and Killian went into campaign overdrive. There were photoshoots of the whole family on the farm. Her mother even managed to sneak in a few candid shots of Emma and Killian. Speaking of Mary Margaret, she was only mildly disappointed at Emma’s secret that she was not seeing Walsh. That was quickly erased as she said she had considered setting her daughter up with Killian, but was quickly dissuaded when her internal voice said her daughter would object. Nobody corrected her on it.

For his part, Killian worked hard and would try to sneak in time with Emma. They shared a few lunches, walked around the farm discussing a few strategies, and shopped together for a present for her parents. He sat with them on Christmas Eve when Emma performed with the choir for mass, looking just as in awe and proud as her parents did. He even joined them for the evening meal on Christmas, leaving behind a gift for Emma rather than making a big deal of her opening it in front of everyone.

As the wreathes were removed and the snow seemed not as white, the election day finally drew close and Killian was even more of a fixture. He was constantly showing up with a new tactic and shoving his client in front of cameras to announce a proposed initiative. Everything from illiteracy to hunger would be addressed by Mary Margaret Nolan for mayor. When election day arrived, more than 60% of the voters chose her and he beamed proudly from the sidelines. Most people noticed the hug shared between Emma and Killian, but it seemed to be just part of the celebration. It went so long into the night that nobody really saw the two of them saying goodbye the next morning.

“I wish it was different,” she admitted, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Perhaps someday, love. After all, nothing stays the same.”

She watched as the Uber driver loaded his bags and Killian reluctantly slid into the backseat. Their eyes were locked and the unsaid words hung in the air. She wasn’t sure she even breathed again until she was pulling up in front of her parents’ house. Her father was flipping pancakes, but her mother was at the doorway even as she dragged up the steps of the front porch.

“I like him,” her mother said. “He’s a good man.”

“Yeah,” Emma agreed, accepting the hug and hurrying in before the next gust of wind. “I just…I don’t want this every time we see each other. I don’t want to miss him and have the constant feel like a clock is counting down the hours.”

“I know, Emma. And that is very practical, but if you…”

Emma didn’t wait for her mom to finish the statement before greeting her father and asking about setting the table. It wouldn’t be the last time that her mother brought him up. She would over the next few months, mentioning seeing him at some event or another. Emma never asked, but her mother would always update her on his well being. It wasn’t that Emma didn’t know. He still called. He texted. When he was in the area he would invite her to dinner or to an event. She occasionally went but always told herself it was just casual. He never tried to kiss her again and she never sat herself too close to him, despite Ruby’s advice to do so.

A book he had mentioned to her once said of the protagonist and her lover turned best friend, “they would continue to call and write until eventually they were just acquaintances and no longer a real part of each other’s lives.” That’s what Emma resigned herself to when he didn’t answer her text or voicemail inviting him to her parents’ annual party. He’d been pretty scarce for the past few weeks. Their conversations short and usually interrupted by something or someone. She once even heard a female voice in the background and wondered if he was seeing someone. That idea hurt more than she wanted to admit.

She wore red to her parents’ party, her hair hanging loose and the smile on her face tense and unyielding. She was sipping on champagne and watching as Regina and Robin twirled around the room still in bliss nearly a year after their wedding. Walsh was there too, dancing with Zelena and inking a new design deal with Marco. Neal had brought Tink as his date, which made Emma roll her eyes. And her parents were at their prime greeting and hugging all of those in attendance.

“Emma,” her mother called out when a few more guests were greeted. “Come here. I want you to say hello to someone.”

Ruby gave her a sympathetic look as Emma begrudgingly dragged her feet over to where her parents were standing. And there he stood, Killian in a freshly pressed suit with a wide smile on his face as she approached. Her mother was giddy as she mockingly introduced them. “Emma, you remember my old campaign manager, Killian, right? Well, he was in town getting settled because his new job at the governor’s office starts next month. I was thinking that he might be just the kind of guy you’d like to get to know.”

[valkyrieofthehighfae]

Pairing: Wolffe x Danica Word Count: 2.5k Warnings: Mentions of hunting, but that aside, it’s pure fluff and humor Inspired partly by the magical David Bowie and Labyrinth with this lovely song Dani’s outfit and mask, Wolffe’s outfit (which is an amalgamation of two different suits; the vest from the first one, and the rest of it from the second) and his mask Tagging: @roseofalderaan​, @catsnkooks​, @clonewarslover55​, @captainrexstan​, @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky​, @miss-spixx​ and @colorfulloverbatturkey​

Winter had hit hard this year, frost coating the beautifully detailed windows of the palace in patterns of various flowers and swirls that had been etched into the glass. I was glad to be home for Yule, though, and wouldn’t trade this for the world.

“Here you go my love, some hot chocolate.” I smiled softly as I moved away from the window in the kitchen, a large mug in hand as I passed it over to Wolffe along with a freshly made croissant, the flaky crust sticking to my fingers as I let go of it.

“Thank you, cyare. Smells delicious.” He wore a gentle smile as I picked up my mug and we walked out into the grand hallway to make our way back to our room. Freyja and Tyr, our hunting hounds, were waiting patiently for us at the bottom of the stairs, their gems gleaming in the low lighting in the open foyer as they got to their feet and padded quietly up ahead of us.

“We need to take them out tomorrow for a run. I think they’ve been getting antsy thanks to us not going out much due to the snow.” I chuckled, taking a sip of hot chocolate and smiling into my mug when Tyr gave one sharp bark at Wolffe, wagging his tail excitedly.

“I’ll take them both with me when I go hunting with your father.” Wolffe replied and I choked on my drink, coughing hard while pounding my fist against my chest.

“You’re going hunting with my father tomorrow? Oh dear gods, did he rope you into hunting for the white stag?” I spluttered, rolling my eyes upon realizing what the hunt was for.

“Yes…?” Wolffe ventured after a moment of staring at me like I’d grown a second head. “Should I not go?” The confusion quickly became concern as I burst out laughing while pushing our door open.

“No, no, you should go, it would be an insult not to. I’m just disappointed that I’m going to miss this.” I set my things down on the desk and wrapped my arms around his waist, grinning up at the handsome man I’d fallen so in love with. “He’s been trying to catch that stag for years now and it always outsmarts him. Hope you’re a good shot with a bow darling, no blasters are allowed on the hunt.”

“A what?” Wolffe’s brow was furrowed and I burst out laughing all over again, having a hard time containing myself. Oh tomorrow was certainly going to be interesting. I would have to find a way to weasel out of helping decorate the ballroom for the masquerade so I could see this in all go down in person.

“Oh my love, you are certainly in for it tomorrow. Come on, we’re going to get you acquainted with my personal favorite weapon. Get dressed in something warm, darling heart.” I slipped away from his warmth, delving into the oversized walk in closet to put on a thick pair of pants and other winter clothes that would be suitable for the frozen world that waited for us just outside.

“Seems kind of archaic to use something like this to hunt with.” Wolffe muttered as I handed him a bow, studying the beautifully crafted weapon closely with a scowl on his face.

“Get used to it love, you’ll be becoming well acquainted with it by the end of tomorrow’s hunt.” I chuckled, grabbing my bow and two quivers of arrows before whistling for our hounds to come with us out to the archery range. “We choose to go old school with our weapons during this time. It’s our way of honoring our ancestors and the gods. You’re a quick study, I’m sure you’ll pick up on it faster than you think.”

~*~*~

I watched in shock and awe as father, Wolffe, and some of the other men came riding up to the palace from the woods, the white stag apprehended along with a few giant boars that were trussed and laid across the back of a couple of the ronki. Wolffe was holding onto the stag’s halter, smirking just slightly when he caught sight of me staring at him from the ballroom window.

“I’ll be damned, he actually caught the fucking thing.” I whispered while my mother came up to see what was going on.

“Is that…? No! They actually got it?” Mother gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I told you Wolffe was something special. I believe you owe me fifty gold.” I grinned and dropped my decorations before gathering my skirts and hurrying out to meet up with the others, stopping just shy of the stag. Up close he was magnificent to behold, his white fur gleaming with flecks of gold in the slowly setting sun, honeyed eyes blinking calmly as I slowly reached up to stroke his face softly, grinning like a fool the entire time.

“I never thought I’d see this happen. You finally caught him.” Mother had come out as well, laughing as she went to my father’s side, embracing him tightly.

“Not me, mirr qiaal, but Commander Wolffe. He’s the mind behind the trap that caught the beast. He’s also the reason we’ve got three giant boar for tonight’s feast.” Father was practically beaming as he bragged about Wolffe’s hunting prowess, making the soldier clear his throat and rub the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Come on, let’s get our new friend here to the stable for some food and rest before we release him back into the woods later,” I took the lead from Wolffe, clicking my tongue to get the stag to follow after me. “So how was it? Father didn’t bore you too badly, did he?” I glanced over towards Wolffe, eyebrows raised slightly when he shook his head.

“Not at all, cyar’ika. It was an interesting experience, not to mention it’s given me some ideas on training the rest of the pack in some different tactics in fighting the tin cans. Tyr here was quite the helper, weren’t you?” Wolffe smiled down at the Fae hunting hound who chuffed at him, pleased to get praised for doing a good job. “Freyja too, of course.” He added in when my hound yapped at him.

“Of course she did. My baby is a good hunter, aren’t you?” I cooed, kneeling down to scratch the white and purple hound behind her floppy ears, grinning when she leaned into me. “We need to go get ready for the masquerade. Father did give you a heads up that he and mother plan on announcing our engagement tonight, right?” I bit my lip anxiously as I got to my feet, Wolffe immediately wrapping his arms around me in a warm hug that had me feeling far more relaxed than I’d felt all day.

“Yeah, we discussed it. The pack and General Koon are coming in for the party, too. So be prepared for things to get loud.”

“Ah, yes, of course. I’m looking forward to it though, you know that I love them as much as I love you.” I leaned into him, arm wrapped around his waist tightly. It was true too; I’d quickly formed a tight bond with his brothers. Shedding blood with them, protecting them, going to bat for them when the time called for it really did strengthen the bond I had formed with them. It brought us together, made us like a tight knit family unit that I was honored to be part of. “Alright my love, I’ll see you at the masquerade. I’m off to go get ready.” I stood on tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek before bounding off, Freyja hot on my heels as we headed up to meet with my attendants and mother to get ready

~*~*~

I held tight to the railing of the crystalline staircase, my beautiful mask slightly obscuring my line of sight. I had decided on a beautiful white deer mask, with delicate silver patterns emblazoned into the white leather, though I was beginning to wonder if this was the right choice considering I either had to look down to walk or just hope for the best that I wouldn’t slip in my heels and fall on my ass. It was a beautiful mask though and it went nicely with Wolffe’s choice in mask, so I figured I could suck it up just for tonight and pretend that I was actually graceful and not an absolute walking disaster that tripped over air.

Wolffe was waiting at the foot of the stairs with my father, his eyes going wide behind his intricately carved wolf mask as I carefully made my way towards him, my grin hidden behind my mask at his reaction.

“You look beautiful, cyar’ika.” He murmured while reaching for my hand, lifting it to his lips to press a gentle kiss on my knuckles.

“Thank you, mirr haesd. You look rather dashing yourself. We should put you in a suit more often.” I teased him while looking him over. He really did look so good in the suit one of the advisors picked out for him. It was a simple white shirt with a nice, navy blue color with this gold filigree pattern that really brought out the golden undertones in those beautiful honey brown eyes of his. The black pants were tight, but not restrictive and made his ass look damn good, though I wasn’t going to point that out right here in front of my parents.

“You two look lovely together. Now remember, upon announcing your engagement, you two will be leading the first dance. Are you both ready for that? You have your song chosen, yes?” Mother was already back into proper Queen mode, her voice brisk and firm as she glanced our way.

“Yes mother, we’re prepared. It’s not as if we’ve spent the whole week preparing or anything.” I tried not to roll my eyes, but it was a challenge really. We’d spent all week rehearsing our entrance as well as the waltz we’d chosen to go with our song, it wasn’t like we’d slacked off or anything, though I understood why she was concerned. The other Courts would be here as well for the announcement and it was a big deal since Wolffe and I would eventually take our place as future King and Queen when she and father passed on into ususri'as lriiv at some point.

“Mmm good luck with this one, Wolffe.” Mother sighed dramatically, a playful smile on her face despite her words.

“Are you ready? We’re going to be flooded with congratulations all evening and it can be a little overwhelming. If you need to step away for a few to try and catch your breath, let me know, okay daesard ula?” I murmured softly, squeezing his hand gently in mine. He nodded in response, taking my arm in his, mirroring the way my parents were positioned as the doors opened and took the lead in walking us into the ballroom where a much larger crowd than I’d originally planned on greeted us with cheers and smiles.

“Presenting: King Hakon and Queen Anja, the royal majesties of the Court of Stars,” One of the attendings called as mother and father stepped out ahead of us, waving to the people and stepping aside for Wolffe and I. “And with them are the crown princess and commander of the Court of Stars army, Princess Danica and her fiancé, the esteemed Commander Wolffe of the Grand Army of the Republic, leader of the famed Wolfpack, honorary knight of the Court of Stars for his bravery at the battle of Elvegarden.”

Wolffe and I smiled, lifting our free hands in greeting, and I had to bite back a laugh as the Wolfpack howled and cheered the loudest of everyone attending, much to the chagrin of my parents who glanced our way with raised brows. We could only shrug in response, unsure of what exactly they wanted us to say other than his brothers were clearly very supportive of us.

“Queen Anja and I are pleased to present the future of our Court to you! Wolffe and Danica will make a fine King and Queen, ruling with fairness and wiseness that will serve them well in the years to come. Tonight we not only celebrate the gods, we celebrate the love of these two souls bonded together! Skal!” Father had taken up a drinking horn that one of the many servants were passing around, raising it in a toast in our honor. My cheeks were beginning to ache from the smile that lit my face up and I raised the mask up enough to take a drink from the drinking horn I’d been presented, handing it off upon finishing the bubbly champagne that left my head swimming with just how strong it was. I held onto Wolffe tightly as we descended the elaborate crystalline staircase to the ballroom floor, leaning into him as we began the first dance of the evening together.

“Well, how does it feel knowing you’re going to be a future King?” I laughed softly as we went through the motions of the waltz we’d chosen. A rotary waltz was simple yet elegant to watch and it worked beautifully with our chosen song, plus it was quick to learn considering we’d only had the week. Everything seemed to fade into the background as we danced, Wolffe’s hands warm against my skin, a soft smile that was reserved for moments like this lighting his face up with a gentleness that sent my heart into a flutter of quickened beats that matched to the tempo of the music. Other couples whirled around us, but my eyes were only gazing up at the one person who mattered more to me than anyone, a lovesickness striking me in my weakest spot.

“It’s strange, but with you by my side, I know we can handle it. We make quite the team.” He murmured, his hand squeezing my waist gently as he turned us about.

“I'll leave my love between the stars. As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you. Every thrill is gone. Wasn't too much fun at all, but I'll be there for you-ou-ou as the world falls down. As the world falls down.” A Fae singer croons away into a microphone as we dance across a floor of starlight, lost in each other’s eyes, ignoring everyone around us. Right now, it was only us as far as I was concerned.

“No matter what happens, I will always be here by your side, mirr ruya. Ir en irruisr eln irrui esa naila.” It was a vow that I planned on never breaking. The song came to an end and Wolffe swept me up into his arms, lifting the masks away from our faces, and kissed me hard, his hands pressing flat against the bare skin on my back. Whistles and cheers echoed around us as I wrapped my arms around his neck, smiling into the kiss that left me feeling lighter than air. *** cyare: beloved cyar’ika: darling, sweetheart mirr qiaal: My queen mirr haesd: my heart daesard ula: dearest one mirr ruya: my love Ir en irruisr eln irrui esa naila:  I am yours and you are mine

[loveylangdon]

What’s Clickbait Again pt.6

Word count: 6k+

Overall Story Summary: You’re dating Shawn Mendes but was in a long term relationship with David Dobrik and met Shawn through a collab David was supposed to have with him. David is now collabing with Shawn finally and finds out you’re dating the pop sensation and doesn’t know what to do.

Authors Note: omg okay I'm sorry for my late posting I’m horrible I know, again this has just been floating in my head and it’s cool to have somewhere to put it. I originally planned 6 chapters so it doesn’t continue on forever but I could easily do the 7th chapter a kinda aftermath of everything if you guys wanted to thank y’all so much for being patient and understanding it means the world.

pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.3 - pt.4 - pt.5 

*gif not mine credit to owner*

----

Shawns p.o.v.

Sipping on my morning coffee I sigh it’s been a crazy two weeks since the party and nothing had gotten any better. I can’t wait to take y/n back to Toronto and relax for a couple of weeks before tour hopefully everything gets better. She’s been blaming herself for everything that’s happened since then. My thoughts were broken when I hear Brian

“How was shooting with the Dolan twins?” Brian asked me walking into the kitchen 

“It was something else we just went to a warehouse they had kinda like a fantasy factory” I chuckled drinking my coffee “y/n came along and was just scared for my safety the whole time so her and Con ended up leaving and going to get coffee” I shrugged chuckling

Her and Connor have been spending a lot of time together since the party fiasco.

“How’s she doing?” Brian asked concerned 

I sighed, it’s been two weeks and y/n still hasn’t been herself she’s been waiting for Natalie to call her, “She’s doing better slowly she’s starting to get more like herself, I know her not talking to David and being able to explain is slowly killing her, if he would stop being a dick she could explain and it would be fine it’s not like she did anything wrong though” 

Recalling how broken she was when she came home after the party, after setting Ilya and Dima up in the guest room keeping up a front for their sake, she climbed into bed with just a shirt on. makeup still on ready to call it a night with mascara stained cheeks. Remembering how I washed her face, going through her nighttime routine while she laid there as if she just went through a breakup all over again. At least while Ilya and Dima stayed here she was in hostess mode making sure they were okay and had everything before Natalie gave them their tickets home. It’s been a week since Dima and Ilya left and after they boarded their plane she was crying again. 

It’s been two weeks since the party. She acts like David not talking to her is okay and him ignoring her text messages isn’t killing her but I know she’s dealing with a whole new heartbreak, disappointing someone she loved. 

We’ve managed to get some of the video’s done for youtube all we had left was Josh Peck’s and David/Steveo’s video. Still not hearing about scheduling for Davids collaboration and Josh is on his first vacation with his new family we had to wait till he gets back to film with him.

“She didn’t do anything wrong?” Brian asked me with a raised eyebrow and sipped his coffee, my head immediately snapped to him instead of staring off into my thoughts like I previously was 

“What is that suppose to mean Bri?” I say seriously, getting defensive it wasn’t y/n fault what happened at the party or about the breakup

“You are so blind, how would you feel if your ex saw me and told me they wanted to date a new guy and I told them to go for it? Or how about Aaliyah huh, what if your Ex-girlfriend saw Aaliyah and told her not to tell you about the new relationship they’re in?” He raised his eyebrows sipping his coffee looking at me expectedly 

“I would be upset that Aaliyah would keep something like that from me but it’s not her thing to tell and as for you, I would hope you thought about what was best for both people before encouraging anything but overall the other person’s happiness is what matters the most. If my ex was happy with this new person what's the problem?” I look at him 

I breathed out, if y/n asked Brian for relationship advice yeah I would be hurt but in the end it’s bigger than me, as for Aaliyah I would be glad she had someone she thought she could confide in regardless of our relationship status I would be happy they had a relationship stronger than just me.

“Shawn you’re way too nice and understanding. David sees it as a betrayal. His two best friends went behind his back and told the girl he loved to go be with someone else, that's breaking like 4 different bro codes” 

I groan “screw bro code Brian if the person you love is searching for happiness elsewhere and rightfully so then you lost the right to call bro-code” 

“How did they even break up, I mean I knew it was messy but you guys never really told us like-“

“Good Morning gentleman,” y/n says as she walks into the kitchen 

My eyes immediately shoot to Brian telling him to silently shut up. As my heart rates kick up I can’t believe this angel is mine, as cheesy as that sounds she deserves the world and it has been hell for her the past two weeks and she’s still trying to put everyone first and make sure everyone's taken care of. It's like her superpower being too caring. I keep doing little things to make sure she knows I’m here for her but giving her space and letting her do things at her pace is killing me.

“Good morning princess” I smile so wide my cheeks hurt “How’d you sleep” I reach out my hand to her which thankfully she grabs and squeezes before turning to get a mug above the coffee pot in the cupboard.

Standing quickly I go to grab it before she gets on her tiptoes and tries to reach for it. Placing it on the counter in front of her she blushes and pink dusts her cheeks and down her neck. She’s only wearing an oversized shirt which in reality is just a vintage shirt of mine but she wears it better than I can any day.

She turns around and kisses right next to my mouth and grabs coffee 

“Is your guys’ little nasty love fest over? Can I open my eyes now I think they’re burning” Brian says dramatically as he fans his eyes with his hands 

Chuckling I go to throw a sponge at him while y/n actually reaches over to hit him upside the head. Going to sit next to Brian again y/n finishes making her coffee and walks over between my legs while my back is resting on the kitchen island.

Looking into her eyes I can tell the events of 2 weeks ago is still rough on her but she’s slowly getting the sparkle back in her eyes. 

I go to nudge my nose against her’s while she’s just looking down into her coffee cup.  Her eyes look up into mine “can I have a kiss?” I whisper scared if I say it any louder she’ll retreat back into the bedroom 

It’s been two weeks since David found out his friends knew we were dating before she told him, hell she didn’t even tell him but it's not like she owed him an explanation. Not only do I know she’s blaming the party fiasco on herself but the fall through in scheduling with David to film a video, and the reason Davids not talking to Ilya and Dima. 

She pulls me out of my thoughts with a kiss on the lips, startled at first I quickly melt into it, trying to convey feelings of reassurance to her that I know if I said out loud she wouldn’t let me finish my sentences. 

She pulls away all too quickly and with another peck, on my lips, she goes back into the bedroom. Closing my eyes and sighing after realizing she closed the door behind her. We didn’t have plans today which means she’s going to be in bed for as long as she can feeling sorry for herself. 

“Maybe you should talk to him?” Brian whispers 

“To who?” I look at him 

“David? See why he’s being a dick and not letting her explain. If what he did to her was so bad she didn’t want to talk to him and left, well she’s here and what she did was bad yah but not so bad for her to be like this for two weeks, all she wants is a chance to explain.” He shrugs 

“Is that a good idea? I don’t want to cause more problems” bitting the inside of my cheek 

“Bro your girl has been in bed painting a face on for everyone, coming home and being upset about everything he’s hurting her. Go find out what the fuck is taking him so long to call her like Natalie said he would. Whatever happened between them isn’t over-” 

I shoot him a look “what do you mean it’s not over Brian we’ve been together for almost a year”

“Let me finish, yes they’re over but this whole new situation that’s being brought up needs closure, she left after too maybe they still need closure to move past this”

“What if she leaves me Bri what if she thinks what he did wasn’t as bad as she remembered and she doesn’t come back to me” putting my head in my hands my mind is reeling I can’t lose her but I can’t let David continue to treat her like anything less than what she deserves.

“She won’t leave you, you make her so happy Shawn she would be an idiot to throw it away for a Hollywood brat who lives in studio city” he smirks 

“okay, fuck it” I nod my head more so to myself than to Brian, David isn’t going to continue to treat my girlfriend like shit for something she did as a favor to him. “Yah okay,” I say standing up and going to the bedroom. 

Knocking on the door lightly peaking my head in the room I see she’s in a blanket cocoon with her coffee hugged into her chest. My heart about burst in my chest. 

“Hey princess, I’m gonna run out for a bit and after I thought I could bring some snacks so we can have a movie day in bed and watch films, I can order take out for dinner so we don’t have to worry about it. What do you say?” I ask as I walk closer to the bed ready to scoop her cocooned body into my chest. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed I reach over for her coffee and set it down on the bedside table and reach over and pull her covers closer to me and I hear her giggle. The sweetest sound my ears will ever hear. I feel myself grinning like an idiot finally having her close enough I pull her into my chest and go to pepper kisses all over her face.

“Okay okay okay prince, stop, stop” she squeals in-between giggles trying to move away but being restrained by her blanket cocoon which earns laughs from me and a pout on her face 

“Oh princess don’t pout you’re too cute” I move to lay on top of her giving her a kiss in between each work “I am going out I’ll be back soon okay” finally placing a kiss on her forehead. 

I use my hands on either side of her to push myself off of her, I feel her hand go to the back of my head and her hand in the nape of my neck tugging on my curls. I lower my body as if doing a pushup and rest my forehead against hers, knowing what she wants but it’s easier to tease. Open mouthed she’s looking at me with love and lust her eyes going from mine to my lips I feel her breathe against mine

“You want a kiss princess?” I whisper against her lips barely touching and I feel her hand tug on my curls letting out a groan I mutter “Words princess” 

She hums as she pushed my lips against hers in a kiss. She can make me melt in the softest ways ever. Pulling away she groans “Princess I have to go, I’ll be back soon okay?”

She struggles to get out of her cocoon and I can’t help but laugh her hair is a mess she’s bare-faced and wiggling and pulling on the blankets, it's too cute to watch. 

She groans and huffs finally giving up “How long will you be gone?” 

“three hours tops, I promise” I lean over to place a kiss on her cheek but she turns her head and it lands on her lips. 

Pulling away she’s laughing at me, I feel my face heat up not expecting it

 “you’re too cute my prince, how did I get so lucky” she gazes at me lovingly 

“I’m the lucky one princess, lucky that you let me love on you, and keep you in my pocket for when I need you the most” I smirk as she goes to wiggle her arm out of her blanket to hit me 

“I am not THAT small rockstar, I may fit in your suitcase but I don’t fit in your pocket” she jokingly glares at me as I go into the closet to pull on a clean shirt 

“Sorry honey I don’t make the rules, if you fit in my arms you fit in my pocket” I shrug as I’m walking out of the closet to kiss her forehead before I leave. 

Leaning down to place a final kiss on her forehead “If you need help getting out of your cocoon just shout for Bri he’s in the living room, okay?” I kiss her forehead softly before pulling her blanket tighter around her making it harder for her to get out, I quickly walk out of the room and hear her yelling my name. Laughing making my way to the front door I call out “sorry princess text me what snacks you want” 

I shoot a wink to Bri “I’ll be back soon” giving him a wave I make my way to my car and set off to studio city. 

———— 

Pulling up to Davids house this seems like a dumb idea, Never being one for confrontation I hear my phone go off a text from y/n and I'm smiling like an idiot 

Hey prince, drive safely and come home soon love you. 

Smiling down at my phone I reread the message from y/n. Noticing Davids gate open and a couple of cars in the drive I quickly lock my phone and find a place to park.

Putting the car in park getting out and make my way up the drive. Automatically seeing the small blonde Carly and the tall girl who I think’s name is Erin and David filming by his Ferrari in the garage I roll my eyes. Carly notices me first and clears her throat towards David, and offers me a small wave. David looks up and rolls his eyes.

“Hey we need to talk” I stand up straighter directing it at David 

“No, we don’t, I’m busy you can leave” he squints up at me and points to an area he wants Carly and Erin to stand turning his back to me I try again

“No actually” I move to stand closer to Carly “I can’t, I have a girl who just had to say goodbye to two of her best friends, who’s been in bed for a week and then spent another week making everyone else around her feel better but blaming herself for something she did to protect someone she loved who completely broke her and she wanted to save him from the pain he caused her. how is that fair? If I would’ve known doing this youtube collaboration would’ve been such a big deal I wouldn’t  have taken it, or the one with you at least” 

“Someone, she loved?” He scoffs “What do you want me to say? Fuck you won congratulations.” David sneers back 

“She wants to talk to you if you just let her explain-“ he cuts me off

“No she wants to make herself feel better, do you think it’s a coincidence that literally weeks after you two met through me might I add you guys end up together? She wants to talk because she can’t be the villain in her story-“ 

“David” Carly shouts at him 

“What Carly its true, don't you think its weird that I fuck up one time and she doesn’t let me explain myself, lets me live with the guilt of it for months comes back with a new boyfriend and the one time she fucks up she wants to make it better immediately so its not on her conscious when she didn’t even give me the chance to explain it” his voice cracks and he’s getting frustrated 

“This is nowhere near the same thing and you know it, she didn’t leave you for me and you know that” my jaw clenches 

“Are you sure because it sure looks like it or is it because she just lied and can’t live with it or-“

“David stop” Erin tries sending me a soft look 

“She went behind my back and got with someone else before even telling me she was back in the country” he shouts as Natalie comes out of the house 

“Oh, Shawn hey I didn’t know you guys were filming today?” She smiled towards me as David shoots her a look 

“We’re not he’s leaving” David directs towards me 

“If you seriously think I’m leaving without you giving her the common decency to let her explain  herself you’ve lost it, man, just let her explain what happened with Dima and Ilya she’s not the one at fault here they’re her friends too” 

“explain herself? Are you delusional SHE LIED to me where’s my common decency” David shouts 

“I think you lost that right when you slept with the one person she was scared of the most” I retort back and automatically regret it. I hear the girls gasping around me all pointing looks at David and I feel him shrink all confidence lost. 

“Dave you cheated on her?” Carly is the first to break the silence “You cheated on y/n? with who, when ?” Her eyes get big and I can see her putting together the pieces as Natalie and Erin look just as lost 

“The night before y/n left you were at Liza’s Dave when did, oh my god” Carly puts her hands over her mouth backing away from him 

Erin follows suit but looking more hurt “You cheated on y/n with Liza? Are you fucking kidding me, David? How stupid are you?” She looks at him and he shrinks 

“It was an accident and it meant nothing-“ he tried to explain quickly to the girls 

Carly shakes her head “No David you told us you guys have been fighting and that’s why she left, you didn’t mention anything about cheating” she looks at him hurt

Suddenly I feel out of place all I wanted was a chance for y/n to explain herself. He looks at me and if looks could kill I would be dead 100%

“I-fuck yes okay I slept with Liza but it meant nothing and I haven’t even talked to her since” he looks at the girls trying to convince them tugging on his hair

“Dave is that why Liza was sneaking out of the house the week after y/n left” Nat looks up at him and I see him cringe 

That is new information, he was sleeping with Liza the entire time y/n was gone and he accused her of cheating. 

“An accident HA what did she accidentally slip on your dick, I can’t believe you right now” Erin glares at him and I look to Natalie for help which she nods her head to 

“David, I think you aren’t one to let y/n not explain herself, she’s waited two weeks and I promised you would call her so she can explain her side, maybe you guys should talk to clear the air get everything over with so we can move on” Natalie tries but is cut off by Erin

“Ha, you’ll be lucky if she picks up her phone, after everything she did for you David that’s how you repay her” Erin scoffs at him and turns to me and my eyes automatically widen. “Ya know she’s lucky she found a guy like you Shawn honestly I’ve never seen her so happy, Thank you for letting us know what actually happened between the two. He never gave us the honor of mentioning the truth.” Erin looks at David and walks down the driveway “Don’t call us until you apologize to her David, and whatever you get from it you deserve.” 

I turn to watch Erin walk down the driveway when I notice Jeff’s car parked in the driveway and y/n in the front seat with Brian in the back. David notices it too and I quickly rush over to the passenger side opening the door for y/n 

“Princess,” I start and she puts her hand on my cheek 

“Stop, I asked Brian where you were going and he let it slip, you really can’t tell him anything” she chuckles and I look up to see Jeff get out of the car with Brian. Jeff’s walking up to David who is trying to convince Carly and Erin not to leave. I don’t know how much y/n heard but it can’t be any better. 

——- 

y/n p.o.v.

Pulling up to the driveway everyone was so in the moment they didn’t realize Jeff’s car pull up

Stepping out of the car with Shawn’s help was easy. This was not going to be easy and I was going to have a serious conversation with Shawn later. Giving him a kiss on the cheek I walk towards David who’s too engrossed in his conversation with the girls. 

Carly notices me first and whispers my name but loud enough for David’s eyes to shoot towards me he’s about to open his mouth but I speak before he can 

“We need to talk now” I look at David giving him a stern look so he knows I’m serious. I push past him and into the house making my way to the podcast room. I look anything but presentable I’m in Shawns oversized youth hoodie and a pair of white Adidas’ luckily this house is always cold and having something of Shawns calms my nerves. 

Noticing Todd and Some Instagram models on the couch who glare at me I ignore them and walk straight into the podcast room hearing people following me 

“Dave what the fuck is happening” I distinctly hear Todd ask as I close the door to the podcast room behind me luckily no ones in here so I just wait for David. 

David walks in and closes the door behind him rubbing the back of his neck I know he’s nervous and won’t speak first because he doesn’t know what I heard. I clear my throat 

“So you slept with Liza after I left,” I ask 

“Can I explain before you accuse me of things?” He asks squinting his eyes at me 

“So what you said outside in front of Carly, Erin and Shawn was just bullshit to make yourself feel better?” I fire at him 

 he looks at the floor “I-I did sleep with Liza after you left” he doesn’t make eye-contact

“Why are you hiding it, Dave? We broke up you were free to do whatever you wanted, more like whoever you wanted” I Sigh and rub my face with my sweater paws Shawns sweater being too big on me

He smiles softly “remember when you went through my closet and would only wear my sweaters for weeks? you refused to put on pants and wore it with the biker shorts you and Natalie got sent and I had to have Natalie order merch just for you because you kept stealing my sweaters” he chuckled noticing the youth hoodie 

“That Instagram model on the couch did you sleep with her too?” I ask him making him look at me “She looks like she wants to kill me like I took her trophy”

He looks at the closed door and closes his eyes sighing “I slept with Liza, Stass, and Kelsey yes.” He looks at me 

“So the girl Zane has been pinning after you’ve slept with her?” I look at him with disgust “And of course Zane doesn’t know right because why would he” I stand up 

David flinches as I get up 

“Dave what’s going on, what happened, I can’t deal with this I’ve been racking my head for what I did wrong? I don’t know what was worse me finding out you slept with Liza from Liza or that you weren’t even going to tell me until I confronted you about it, or now you making me feel like shit for keeping something from you to find out you slept with Liza the second I was out of the picture” I look at him lost wrapping my arms around my torso 

“y/n please believe me when I tell you I never wanted to hurt you” his eyes are getting red “I love you so much it” he stops to tug on his hair “I went to Lizas that night to tell her I was going to propose to you”

My breath catches in my throat and I can feel the burning sensation in my eyes. “So let me get this straight” I pause to wipe at my nose “You went to tell your ex-girlfriend you were going to propose to me and somehow that got miscommunicated to let’s have sex?” You raise your voice at him 

“I went to tell her it’s over between us” he takes a step closer to me and I take a step back 

“That it was finally over? David oh my god we were dating for 3 and a half years” you shout “Where you screwing her behind my back” I look at him and he doesn’t answer he just bites his lip “Oh my god David oh my god” tears start falling “I trusted you, I was there for you” I back myself into a wall with my hands over my face as my breathing quickens relationship with him was built on lies. How could I have been so stupid 

“No No, I didn’t sleep with her throughout our relationship” he fires at me quickly walking closer to me “The one time before you left that night is the only night I slept with her, please believe me” 

“How can I” I glare at him 

He flinches “Let me finish” he’s standing in front of me moving my hands from in front of me and holding them in his “I went to tell Liza that we were over, when me and her broke up she said she always wanted to get back together eventually, eventually never came and it wasn’t going to because I saw you in a new light and wanted to spend forever with you. I went to tell her our friendship couldn’t continue either because I didn’t want to do that to you and that when we had the wedding she wouldn’t be invited” he squeezes my hands 

David wanted to marry me, went to tell his best friend it was done but slept with her instead. I look down at my hands being squeezed. I push at his chest “Don’t touch me” I look at him and see hurt flash across his eyes. 

“You went to tell Liza you were going to propose and slept with her, you cheated on me, David. You did the one thing I was most afraid of in our relationship and you made it into a reality, how were you even thinking about her if you wanted to marry me? How would you think I could say yes to you if you were still thinking about your ex before you’re going to propose to me” I look at him and I see a tear roll down his cheek 

“I'm sorry” his voice cracks and he’s crying wiping away at his cheeks “y/n I love you and we can fix this please please just don’t go away again. I had a moment of weakness it was more of one last time and right after I regretted it because it didn't feel like what we had, it wasn't you. Do you know what it was like to not know where you were I almost hired a private investigator to track you down, knowing I couldn’t leave the country why would you do that to me” he asks 

Knowing this is how David got what he wanted, he would flip stories on you to make it about you. Mastermind David Dobrik was trying to get you to feel sorry for him. I stayed silent. 

Standing up straighter “Don’t do that to me” I glare at him “Do not turn this around on me, ask your questions, ask me whatever you have to so we can get out of here, I’m tired David I just want to know why I wasn’t enough your moment of weakness was my living hell.” 

“You were always more than enough, I wasn’t even close enough to be deserving of your love. Every morning I would thank whoever put you in my life and every time we went out to shoot with someone I was so scared you were going to realize that I didn’t deserve you that I wasn’t enough for you. Being surrounded by all these people I knew you would realize you didn’t deserve me and move onto someone like Shawn” he rubs his nose starring at you with such intensity he knew

“I didn’t cheat on you with Shawn” I fire at him 

“Maybe not physically but you did.” He fires at me “did you sleep with Shawn before we broke up?” He accuses me 

“No I didn’t cheat on you with Shawn, I could never hurt you, even now, I can't hurt you. I can’t bear to hear anyone say anything negative about you David. Do you know how deep your claws are dug into me.” I shout at him and I hear my voice crack and I cringe “Every time someone who finds out we use to date talks about how stupid or what a psychopath you are and “their happy someone like me got away from it” I can't stop myself from defending you. Do you know how hard it was to move on from you, every time Shawn even tried to get close to me all I thought about was how you would react which is complete bullshit because you obviously had no problem going back to Liza as soon as I walked out the door and all the other people thirsty for your blue fucking checkmark. I was so scared to let myself fall for Shawn because I was scared what your fans would say, what you would think.” I take a breathe and look at the ceiling trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill “I am with Shawn now, yes I told Ilya, Dima, and your sisters and they promised to keep it a secret for me. I had no one to talk to. After the break up you kept everything David everything. I had nothing and no one so yes I left the country for you to make it easier so you didn’t have to think about what if’s or what could have been. In London, I ran into Shawn and things clicked that was the first time I smiled since I left and it was a month after, he watched me cry over you while you were fucking someone else in the bed we picked together. How fucked is that?” I look at him and he goes to open his mouth “I’m not finished, I'm with Shawn now, and I’m happy truly happy. With him I know I don’t have to worry about my heart shattering into so many pieces I cant piece it back together without help, I don’t have to worry about ex-girlfriends wanting him back or him spending time with girls who want him and him giving in. I didn’t tell you because I was worried about your well being and for that I’m sorry. I'm sorry I thought I ever meant something to you because obviously, you didn’t care, Ilya and Dima found me pretty easily, I was back in the states for a month before you even found out and I still didn’t hear anything from you.” Wiping my tears I look at him, he’s defeated because he knows everything I said was true. “You not only broke my heart but you didn’t even have the decency to tell your “friends” what you did to make me leave, you painted me out to be the villain when all I did was make it easier for you because my mistake was loving you to hard.”

“y/n please-“ he chokes out 

“I’m done dave, I’m exhausted and I can’t do this anymore. clearly, whatever heartbroken act you had going on you should put it into an acting career because everyone's right you did it to yourself, I don’t know how I was so blind.” I shake my head going to stand up  

“No y/n stop please can we finish talking” he tries 

“David for what,” I say exasperated “So you can accuse me of cheating on you when we both know who did what here. David, you cheated on me and shattered my heart into so many pieces It took me a good half a year to put it back together not only me but I needed someone else to help me find the pieces to help me find me again. Not only that but you made me out to be someone who I'm not, someone who is capable of breaking you when all you did was do it to yourself.” I sigh and go to the door leaving him on the couch with his head in his hands 

“Goodbye David I hope you find someone who loves you for the amazing guy I know you can be”  

Opening the door I see Shawn biting his nails staring at the door I just opened intently while Brian stands next to him. The house has cleared out or they're hiding by the second door in the hall. Either way, you couldn't wait to get out of this house. 

Shawns eye’s snap to you as he makes his way over, holding your face in both his hands staring into your eyes intently “Princess” looking into his eyes you know he’s sorry and regretful, leaning into his palm you close your eyes

“Prince I love you more than anything in this world you know that” I open my eyes and smile at him seeing his stupid smile break across his face 

----

authors note: thank yall for giving me a platform to execute this idea I've had. I only planned to write 6 parts but I can put together a 7th. thank you guys for being patient and caring. Its been a while but I can’t believe its finally here. Tell me what you think in the comments Xx thank you guys for everything. 

[distant-rose]

Playing Off Foul (1/2)

Notes: I’ve been working off this idea for awhile. I just needed to get it off my chest. I have so much baseball!Killian crap in my WIP drawer and it needs to see the light of day. A special thank you to @welllpthisishappening​ and @katie-dub​ for being my support system and for encouraging me to write this nonsense. My apologies to fans of the Arizona Diamondbacks and Carmelo Anthony. My shade is nothing personal. Summary: Emma Swan doesn’t know anything about baseball, only that her son Henry is obsessed and works as a ballboy for the New York Yankees. She has no interest in it, that is until her son gets whacked with a foul ball and she comes face-to-face with the player that hit it - Killian Jones. Rating: T+ Word Count: 4,600+

When it came down to it, Emma blamed David.

Though it had been Neal who had introduced Henry to baseball, it had been David’s fault that he became a Yankees fan. Since the moment he learned that Henry was interest in the sport dubbed “America’s Favorite Pastime,” Emma’s brother had taken to bringing her son to every baseball game he could afford and spending the rest of his money on more merchandise than their tiny two bedroom apartment could afford. 

It was David who had told Henry about the ballboy job opening at Yankee Stadium and like a fool, Emma had allowed her teenager to apply. She didn’t think he would get past the application review but two weeks later, Henry had gotten the call in for an interview which was followed by an official job offer and a celebratory dinner at Fazio’s. She wasn’t been sure how was more excited about it - Henry for having an opportunity to meet his heroes and get paid for it or David who now had an inside man on what was really going on in the Yankees’ locker room. Emma had been less enthused about it.

Though the team that spent half of its games on the road, the stadium seemed to have constant need of Henry and it wasn’t uncommon for him to come stumbling back into the apartment at one or two in the morning on a school night. Furthermore, the players had an habit of giving him more money in tips than Henry knew what to do with on top of earning an whopping $21.50 an hour. Emma nearly blew a gasket when she find out one of the players had given her son a thousand dollars to keep quiet about some girls coming into the locker room for a “private tour.” She didn’t want their boorish behaviour and outrageous spending habits rubbing off on her son. She already had Neal to contend with, she didn’t need to add a bunch of immature rich assholes to the mix. However, there were silver linings to Henry working at the ballpark. Being a ballboy required him to be on top of his grades and it kept him out of trouble for the most part. More often than not, his Saturday nights were spent cleaning bases and polishing cleats rather than going to parties. She also no longer had to worry about Henry asking for money to hang out with his friends since he made more than enough to fend for himself. Another added cherry was that nothing pissed off her Diamondbacks loving ex more than knowing their son was working for “the Evil Empire.” Still, Emma didn’t like it.

She especially didn’t like it when she saw “Yankee Stadium” on her caller ID when she was in the middle of a honey-trap operation to catch a guy who had been charged with credit card fraud.

“Hello? Is this Mrs. Swan?” It was a voice she didn’t recognise but he sounded vaguely nervous.

She bristled slightly at bit at the misnomer. “It’s Miss Swan and yes, this is.”

“Right, sorry, Miss Swan, my name is William Smee and I’m a clubhouse assistant manager over at Yankee Stadium. I’m calling in regard to your son-“ “What happened?” Emma cut him off in a clipped tone.

“There was an accident. A foul ball caught him unaware and he was knocked unconscious. An ambulance was called and he’s on his way to Bronx New Lebanon.”

Fear spiked up her spine as he spoke but she tapped it down, immediately going into crisis mode. She couldn’t afford to get hysterical. Henry needed to keep her cool. Before Mr. Smee even finished his last sentence, she had picked up her purse and was shrugging her coat back on.

“How long ago was this?”

“Twenty minutes ago. We wanted to make sure Henry got immediate attention and was looked after before we did anything else. His health is our top priority and rest assured, Miss Swan, the organisation is willing to pay any medical bills or anything-” “I literally do not care,” Emma cut him off again. “Just give me the address.”

“It’s on Tiffany Street, I believe, ma’am.”

Emma got up, so focused on the situation with Henry that she had forgotten all about her “date.” She turned to leave, he reached out and grabbed her arm. Emma hissed when his grip was a little more forceful than necessary, fingers digging into her skin.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked rudely.

“My son is in the hospital. I need to go.”

“You have a son?”

“Yes. He’s fourteen and was just in an accident at Yankee Stadium. Now, let me go.”

“Look, Emma, I don’t know what your malfunction is but I know a lie when I see one. You’re wearing an old ass dress and false stones after all. How about you sit down and actually give me a chance. I’m a really nice guy with some cash to burn.”

“Listen, dude, let me go and I will forget about this.”

“Or what? What are you gonna do me, sweetheart?”

Emma let out a short humourless laugh. This guy didn’t realize how lenient she was planning on being. When she heard Henry was in the hospital, she had decided that she would let this skip go and focus on her son. Now, she wasn’t going to be so generous. On top of being a massive credit scam artist, he was also an asshole and she wasn’t going to let that fly.

She pulled out her cuffs and attached one to his wrist faster than he could blink. He stared at his wrist dumbfounded while she attached the other end to his seat. When he tried to take off, Emma tripped him. She watched in smug satisfaction as the chair landed on top of him. She placed a heeled foot on top of it to keep him in place as she took out her phone once more and called her brother. He picked up after the second ring.

“Is Henry okay?” He asked immediately, not even bothering with pleasantries.

Emma blinked in surprise. “You know about that already?”

“Yeah. It was just on ESPN.”

“Shit.”

“Where is he? I saw him get pulled off. He okay?”

“I’m heading to Bronx New Lebanon now,” Emma replied, applying more pressure on the man beneath her foot. “I need a big favor though. I need you to pick up a Mr. James Graves from Piccola Cucina.”

“On it.”

“Fuck you, bitch!” The skip growled.

“Hey! You had your chance!” She snapped back. “You should have just let me go and see my son!”

The maitre d’hotel came over with a cautious expression, holding his hands up in front of him as if he was approaching a wild and dangerous animal. Emma flashed him a smile in hopes of defusing some of the tension. He gave a tentative one back.

“Is everything okay here, Miss?” He asked nervously.

“Hi. My name is Emma Swan. I work for Nationalwide Bail Bonds Agency. This gentleman, and I use that term loosely, missed his court date and there’s a warrant out for his arrest. There’s an officer on the way. I needed to leave like twenty minutes ago because my kid is in the hospital. So, no. It’s not okay.”

The maitre d’hotel’s eyes went wide and he glanced between her and the man underneath her boot a few times, looking entirely unsure on how to handle the situation. Emma sympathised. This wasn’t the type of joint that was used to rough clientele and this wasn’t normally the sort of spot that Emma would bring her skips but James Graves had insisted on this spot, probably in an attempt to impress her into sleeping with him.

“I’ll going to talk to someone...I will be right back…”

“I’ll be here,” Emma muttered bitterly, taking out her phone and glancing at the time. She didn’t want to leave Henry alone in the hospital.

“You could still let me go...and see your kid...and I will be willing to forget all about this…” James Graves wheezed from under her.

Emma rolled her eyes. “You had your shot, buddy. You blew it. Now, you’re going to hang tight until Officer Nolan comes.”

The maitre d’hotel returned four minutes later, two large stocky men flanking him. Both were wearing black shirts and white aprons that were covered in grime;  the customary mark of someone who works in the back of a restaurant. Neither of them looked happy, both eying Emma’s skip with disdain.

“Miss, I know you need to leave so I talked to some of the boys in the back who are willing to babysit your friend until the authorities arrive so you can get to your son.”

It was the nicest thing a stranger had ever done for her. She gave them her first genuine smile of the night.

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely. We’ll keep an eye on him. Go see your boy… and perhaps come back for some eggplant parm when you’re able.”

With her skip issue settled, Emma raced to where she had parked her car.  Her eyes nearly bulged when she saw a parking ticket tacked to her windshield but it was nothing she couldn’t sort out with David later. It was just another annoyance and one that she needed to set aside until she saw to Henry.

The drive to the Bronx was as painful. It was as if the some unmerciful god knew how stressed she was and decided to add to it. FDR Drive was backed to hell with bumper-to-bumper traffic. She watched in frustration as the ETA on her Waze app crept up minute by minute, screaming against her steering wheel. If only she had gotten a Hummer instead of a Volkswagen Bug, then she could just crush everything in her path and be with her son already.

It took her nearly an hour and twenty minutes to get to Tiffany Street and then another ten minutes to find parking before resigning to put her car in an overpriced garage that only took cash. The men at the lot were unsympathetic to her plight. They rolled their eyes at her explanations, telling her to that the local convenience across the street had an ATM and to come back when she could actually pay them.

Needless to say by the time she finally got into the hospital, Emma was in a foul mood and was ready to go to war with anyone who got in her path. Her anger must have been plastered all over her face because anyone who saw her gave her a wide berth and the nursing staff seemed to shrink under her gaze when she demanded to know where her son was. She didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She just wanted to know her kid was okay.

She was led down the hall by a harassed looking nurse who was trying very hard to make small talk with her but Emma was having none of it. The nurse stopped towards the end of the hall and gestured to the last room, mumbling something about seeing to other people. She paid the woman no mind though.

She was surprised to hear laughter coming from her son’s hospital room. It wasn’t the laughter of a teenager but rather a grown man, one she didn’t recognise. Frowning to herself, she entered the room to find her son sitting up in bed and playing cards with a stranger.

Henry’s face brightened when he saw her.

“Mom! You made it! Did you get your guy?”

Emma didn’t acknowledge the question. Her attention was focused on the man sitting at her son’s bedside. He appeared to be the same age as her and dressed in the most expensive pair of sweats that she had ever seen. The New York Yankees logo was emblazoned across his chest and his sleeves were rolled to his elbows, exposing muscled forearms. He had messy dark hair and well-manicured stubble that seemed to enhance the line of his jaw. He was giving her a tentative smile and brushing his hands against his knees nervously. In the back of her head, Emma acknowledged he was incredibly attractive but she was more concerned with who the hell he was and why he was in her son’s hospital room.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Mom!” Henry sounded scandalized.

“Ermmm…” The man ran one of his hands through his hair. Emma noted the massive scarring that seemed to encompass webbing between his thumb and index finger and seemed to radiate in angry lines across his knuckles. He stood up and held out his other hand for her shake. “Killian Jones.”

She didn’t take it. Instead she crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised her eyebrows at him. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

Henry let out a loud groan and looked like he was about have a fit.

“Mom! Are you kidding? He’s the best second baseman in the league! He has the highest on-base percentage and leads the AL in stolen bases! He’s, like, one of the top twenty best hitters! How do you not know who he is!”

Emma glanced back at the proclaimed baseball superstar and squinted a bit. Now that Henry had mentioned it, he did look a little familiar. She was pretty certain that he had seen his profile on her son’s bedroom wall. Though, he looked more intense on the poster than he did in real life. If anything, he now looked awkward and embarrassed. Killian’s face flushed under the praise and he took back the hand he had held out in order to scratch behind his ear.

“I’m pretty sure Jose Altuve would disagree with you on the best second baseman thing.”

“Okay, maybe not the best second baseman but you’re up there. You have an insane record in double plays and you play for the best team in baseball,” Henry conceded, picking up the deck of cards that had been scattered across his rollaway table.

“I appreciate the show of team spirit, Henry.”

“Okay, I get it,”she said, cutting into the bizarre display of male bonding that was happening in front of her. “What is he doing here?”

Both Henry and Killian looked uncomfortable at the question, the two of them exchanging glances. Emma felt her stomach tying itself in knots. She had a feeling she was not going to like what they had to say.

“I just wanted to make sure your boy was okay…” Killian replied slowly, as if he was trying to choose his words carefully. “...and you know, make sure that there was no hard feelings or anything…”

“Excuse me?” Emma narrowed her eyes at him.

“It wasn’t your fault, Killian. It was a foul ball. I should have been paying attention more.”

“Perhaps but still, I would never forgive myself if anything bad had happened to you.”

“You’re the one who hit my kid?!” She hissed, looking at him with murder in her eyes. She was five seconds away from decking him in the face.

Killian seemed to sense her aggression because he put his hands out in front of him in surrender. “Not intentionally! I promise!”

“Right,” she replied in a clipped tone before turning to her son. “Do you mind if I borrow Mr. Baseball here for a moment so we can have a...chat?”

Emma wasn’t certain who looked more nervous, her son or the professional baseball player who was shifting in place like a guilty toddler.

“As long as you promise not to kill him… if he dies, we, for sure, won’t make the playoffs this year.”

“Glad to know that’s all my life is worth to you, Henry.”

“Just being honest.”

She gestured for Killian to follow her out into the hallway. He followed her but she could see the clear reluctance that embodied his stride. He reminded her of the children who sat in front of the principal’s office, waiting to be screamed at. She closed the door behind them, so Henry wouldn't listen in on their conversation. She leaned against it, crossing her arms in front of her chest and glaring at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

He looked startled by the question. “I already told you. I’m here for your boy, Mrs. Swan.”

“You say that but I know how you assholes work. Everything with you is image. Henry keeps a tight lip on what happens in that locker room but I know that you and some of your buddies pay him to keep quiet about the nasty shit that goes on in that.”

“Pardon?” His lips formed a thin line. His nerves were giving way to irritation but Emma didn’t care.

“You heard? I’m not an idiot. You‘ really not here out of any concern for my son. You’re here to cover your ass and keep up your good guy image. I will not have you use my son as a publicity stunt.”

“Publicity stunt?” He repeated. He looked positively offended by her words. “Listen, Mrs. Swan-”

“It’s Emma. Not Miss Swan, especially not Mrs. Swan,” she cut him off. “I’m not married. Everyone at that fucking stadium always assumes I am. It’s annoying.”

“Alright, alright, fine, Emma,” he conceded, looking more frustrated. “I’m not here for a publicity stunt. Do you see cameras? Reporters? Any media specialists?”

“No,” she admitted.

“That’s because no one knows I’m here. Especially not any reporter. If anything, I’m in big trouble because I skipped media. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here except one of the base coaches and only because he asked where I was going.”

“Aren’t you going to get in trouble for that?”

“Most definitely,” he replied with a nonchalant shrug.

“Then why are you here?” she whispered again.

“I don’t know how many times I have to say it to you but I genuinely like your son, Mis-Emma. He’s a nice kid. He’s always got a smile on his face and never complains or asks for anything except what else he can do...some of the ballboys after a while try to cut corners or try to go out partying with the team but not Henry… he’s been with us just for this season and it feels like he’s always been there…If he had been seriously hurt…” Killian paused, rubbing his hand over his jaw and looking distressed by the very idea. “...I was serious when I said I would never forgive myself.”

Emma studied him for a moment, sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. She felt slightly guilty about accusing him of using Henry in such a way when he seemed so earnest in his attachment to her son.

“I didn’t want him to take the job,” she admitted. “He’s got enough going on… And now this...”

“I know.”

She looked up at him, slightly startled. “What?”

“Henry told me you were apprehensive about letting him work in the clubhouse… he thinks you only allowed it to piss off your ex.”

“Henry told you that?”

“I don’t think you understand how closely your son works with the team, love. Like I said, he’s a good kid so I tend to gravitate towards him instead of the others...we talk a lot about things...from freshman baseball tryouts to his writing...”

“You know about Henry’s writing? Henry doesn’t talk to anyone about his writing, not David, not his father.”

“Well, I think he’s more open with me about it because I’m admittedly a Babylon Five and Stargate Atlantis junkie so he’s more comfortable sharing things with a fellow nerd… from what I understand your ex was quite disparaging of his Doctor Who obsession...not that he has much taste, considering he’s a Diamondbacks fan.”

“You’re a sci fi nerd AND a professional baseball player?”

“They aren’t mutually exclusive,” he teased. “What? What did you think we only watched ESPN or Fox Sports or something?”

“Honestly, yes.”

He chuckled, shaking his head and smiling at her. Her breath caught a little and her stomach did annoyingly flips that it hadn’t done since high school. She was stunned how she went from wanting to murder him for hurting her kid to literally squirming at the sight of his face. She needed to get a hold of herself.

“We should probably go back in,” she replied. “You know, so he doesn’t think I murdered you and the team’s playoff chances…”

“Probably a good idea.”

Henry looked anxious as they opened the door, craning his neck to see past Emma. His shoulders visibly relaxed when he saw Killian, alive and well, behind her. She couldn’t help her snort of amusement.

“Did you honestly think I was going to kill him?”

“With you anything is possible, Mom. You did almost run over Carmelo Anthony that one time..”

Killian’s eyebrows rose as he regarded her with a look that was equals concerned and amused. “You almost ran over Carmelo Anthony?”

“That’s not my fault! He was on his phone and walked in front of my car!” Emma defended. “He’s lucky that I have amazing reflexes and was able to stop in time or else he would have been out for all of 2016.”

“I think at that point Knicks fans would have thanked you. I’m pretty they were trying to get rid of him by then. He was a cancer to the team,” Killian responded with a smirk.

“You follow basketball too?”

“I follow most major sports, love. Except maybe golf. But that’s because I firmly believe if you can drink and smoke while playing it, then it isn’t a sport,” Killian remarked.

“Babe Ruth used to eat, drink and smoke between innings,” Henry teased.

“That’s because Babe Ruth was a baseball god and could do whatever he wanted.”

“If you say so.”

Killian gave Henry a light shove in response. He sat down in his original seat and picked up the neatly stack cards that Henry had been fiddling with.

“Do you want to play another hand?”

“Only if Mom deals in,” Henry smiled.

“I can play,” Emma responded, taking another chair and sitting next Killian. She miscalculated the distance between them, causing her knee bump against his. Emma was vaguely surprised when neither of them pulled away from the accidental contact. “As long as I get the official story of what happened.”

Henry’s face turned red and ducked his head down, focusing on the cards Killian was dealing.

“Okay….so with foul balls, we’re supposed to give them away to fans. And when we say fans, they mean to give them away to the little kids. You know? The four to ten-year olds. Anyway, there was this family and they had two kids and the older kid really really really wanted a ball....so I gave him one and the other kid who was maybe three, I think? I’m guessing he was three, anyway, he threw a big tantrum and I just wanted him to be happy and have a good time so I decided to give him the next ball that came our way...So that’s what I did. And this kid, I don’t think he understood that you’re supposed to keep it because he threw it back on the field...The long and short of it is that I was supposed to be paying attention to the batter. You’re not supposed to do anything but watch when someone is in the box because of safety reasons but the kid threw the ball and I went to pick it up...and the next thing I knew I was on the ground... So really, it’s not Killian’s fault, Mom. It’s mine. And I’m probably going to lose my job over it.”

“You’re not going to lose your job over that, Henry,” Killian said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Things like this happen. You’re not the first and you probably won’t be the last ballboy to get hit.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely,” he responded, picking up his cards.

Emma was more focused on her son than on the card game, looking at him in concern.

“What did the doctor say?”

“That I have a mild concussion. They did tests and say I should be okay, but they want to keep me overnight for observation,” Henry shrugged.

“They did tests!?”

Tests and an overnight in the hospital? She could only imagine what the hospital bill was going to look like. She highly doubted her crap ass insurance plan would do much to cover the costs. She was going to be paying this off all year. She could feel it.

Killian seemed to sense her distress and played a hand on her arm. She jumped slightly at the contact.

“I’m pretty sure the organization is going to foot the bill, love. And if they don’t, I will. You don’t need to worry.”

“We’re not a charity case,” she snapped.

“I didn’t say you were. It’s just the right there to do.”

They didn’t talk much after that, instead focusing on the card game that they had started. Henry was pretty much sweeping them both but Emma had a sneaking suspicion that Killian was losing on purpose, trying to make Henry smile and laugh. It was strange to see someone interact with her son like this outside David and Neal. It did funny things to her insides.

Killian stayed with them past visiting hours, using his charm and clout as a professional baseball player to keep the nurses from kicking them out. It wasn’t until his agent, an imposing woman in a well-tailored pantsuit, came and pulled on the back of his sweatshirt, did Killian leave. Emma didn’t know who was more upset, she or Henry, that he was going.

“You’ll see me sooner than you think,” he told Henry, ruffling his hair a bit and causing the teenager to scowl at him. “You’ll be working at the clubhouse again before you know it and we still have to work on your swing. If you’re not a starting baseman by next year, I will eat my shoe.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Henry replied smartly.

Killian’s eyes cut to Emma, smile softening. “Will I be seeing you around?”

“I don’t know, do you plan on whacking my son in the head again?”

“Hopefully not,” he chuckled, ducking his head a bit.

“Then maybe…”

“Just maybe?”

“It’s better than no.”

“Too true,” he chuckled. “Well, I look forward to maybe seeing you around.”

Henry hit her in the shoulder as soon as Killian was out the door, smirking at her. “You were flirting with Killian Jones!”

“What? I was not!”

“You were too! And he was flirting back! I saw you!” he crowed. “Wait until Uncle David hears this!”

“You’re not telling Uncle David anything because nothing happened!”

“Suuuuureeeeee Mom.”

“Shut up,” she said, giving him a light shove back. “And you should be resting.”

“And you should have gotten his number.”

“Henry. Sleep.”

It turned out that Emma didn’t have to ask. Next afternoon there was a large package outside their apartment, containing a large display of flowers, a personalized New York Yankees jersey with ‘Swan’ on the back, a pack of baseball cards and an index phone with a handwritten message: Just in case, you want to make that maybe a certainty, give me call: 212-921-2012 - KJ

[goodproofingwater]

Wildfire Records - Chapter Four

Word Count: 2881 Playlist picks:  Leave Before the Lights Come On - Arctic Monkeys Fallout - Catfish and the Bottlemen Press play when you see then *’s

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Victoria was glad that she worked a 9-5 job. Even though she often got into the office early and left late, it meant that the weekends were their own, and meant that she didn’t feel at all bad when she sank back the third tequila slammer that Andy had bought them all. She sucked hard on the lemon, and she could feel the redheads eyes on her as she did so, his own lemon placed on the tray in front of them.

“Alright?” He grinned at her, his signature smirk punctuating his cocky tone and she licked her lips as she nodded, placing the lemon next to his own. “Looked like you struggled with that one, honey.”

“Oh no..” An uncharacteristic giggle falling from her lips as she shook her head and bit her lip, the alcohol burning through her veins and allowing herself to be much more obvious with her affections. While she found Josh cute and charming, there was nothing she could resist less than an arrogant asshole, and Andy fitted that mark perfectly. “There’s a long way to go before I go down..”

The flirty implications in her tone made the redhead smirk, and he let his hand slip to her thigh underneath the table as he turned to face the others, “Anyone else wannanother shot?” he slurred, and Josh looked up from his conversation with Juliet and Danny with heavy eyes. The intoxication was rife across the group, and while Victoria was having a great time, she knew how they could enjoy themselves even more.

“Why don’t we go back to mine?” She spoke, her voice sounding different than usual, and she wondered if she always sounded like this and was hearing it for the first time or if the alcohol was having a strange effect on her.

Juliet’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, the girl desperate to get out of Camden now the show was over. You had to prepare yourself properly for a night out in Camden, and while both girls would have enjoyed dragging the band to underworld for Camden Rocks it just didn’t feel like that kind of night.

Andy’s hand found it’s way further up her thigh as he looked at her through hooded eyes, clearly having heinous intentions for their trip to her house and when he looked so damn good she might just..

“Sounds great!” Danny spoke up, downing the rest of his beer and hitting his chest as he suppressed a burp.

Half an hour later they were on an underground train to her place, and she couldn’t help but laugh at how unnatural the boys looked on a mode of transport that she used daily. Juliet stood against one of the glass dividers as Danny sat near her, his hand absentmindedly running along her thigh as he spoke to Josh about a beat he had thought of. Victoria let out a laugh as Danny began using Juliet’s thighs as drums, Josh’s face lighting up but his fingers tapped along his own thighs in time, and Andy sat next to him, his arm resting on the back of the chair Victoria was sat on.

They arrived at Liverpool Street in no time, took a bus into Shoreditch and walked into the corner shop that they alighted directly in front of. A few minutes later they were stumbling to her door, Juliet shining a torch at the keyhole so Victoria could find it. She hadn’t realised that she was that drunk, but the keyhole just kept moving!

She threw the door open triumphantly, throwing her bag in the bedroom that was through a door immediately to the right, and bringing the plastic bag with the beer bottles down the stairs to the open plan front room and kitchen.

She immediately opened the laptop that was sitting on top of the short bookshelf and switched on the speakers, starting up her spotify.

“J--Josh?” She spoke, her stomach doing an unexpected backflip when his eyes met hers over the beer bottle he was sipping on, “Could you put some tunes on? I don’t trust anyone else” She grinned and he laughed, standing up and immediately playing Leave Before The Lights Come On by Arctic Monkeys.*1

The redhead smiled as she climbed back up birch stairs, opening the door and walking out of the house to meet her friends who were climbing out of their uber. She gave Chrissy, Ben and Jamie a hug before she shooed them inside, the March chill biting at her exposed arms.

Everyone was introduced, and Andy was lining up every shot glass she owned on the kitchen table and filling it with a bottle of tequila he had bought from the shop against everyone's recommendation - not that anyone was complaining when they picked up the glass and slammed them back. He began refilling the glasses and snuck to the bathroom once the group were more distracted talking about what music to put on next. Josh was adamant that he wanted to listen to the new Fidlar album where as Danny wanted to listen to The 1975. Juliet was, as usual, fighting the David Bowie corner and Victoria, Chrissy, Ben and Jamie were happy to go with anything that would stop the fighting.

Andy emerged from the downstairs bathroom confidently, his eyes wide and his pupils blown, and Josh let out a sigh at the sight before he eyed Danny in a way Victoria was sure he thought was discreet. “I have the definitive playlist alright?”

Andy spoke, glancing at the boys and all Victoria could do was laugh. It couldn’t have been more obvious that the redheaded man did a line in the bathroom if had had come out proclaiming it. She wasn’t bothered by it, cocaine so rife in London that she was used to being around people that did it, she even dabbled herself from time to time. It was etiquette in her mind to ask someone if it was okay to do blow in their house, but she supposed it would have been against Andy’s character to ask for permission.

Everyone sipped their drinks in apprehension of what Andy was going to put on, and Victoria had fully expected it to be something that reeked of party culture, but instead she let out a small laugh as she heard the familiar riff start.*2

Josh and Danny grinned as they watched Andy stand up and play air guitar to their own track, singing along to his own voice and Victoria sat next to her friends on the couch as they allowed the redhead to be their entertainment.

“Who is this?” Ben spoke, sipping his beer, his brow furrowed as he looked between the people he knew, the people he didn’t and the idiot that was so into the track that he was knelt on the floor playing air guitar.

Juliet shook her head at Andy and leant forward to answer Ben’s question. The two had met previously when Juliet and Victoria had gone out for drinks after work one time and Ben had been in the same bar, “It’s them..” She nodded toward Danny who’s eyes were slightly lidded, the alcohol so imbedded in his veins that he couldn’t stop staring at Juliet's lips.

Ben glanced at Josh, the only one who seemed to be coherent enough to have a proper conversation, “This is you? Like-- your band?”

Josh nodded, sipping his beer, “Yeah, be gentle.” He grinned and Ben immediately shook his head,

“I said it like that because this is sick.” Ben leaned forward as he tried to see the name of the band on the laptop, “I would never have believed that this was someone who was unsigned -- what the fuck?”

He looked over at Victoria and she nodded, shrugging her shoulders and putting her hands up in a motion that said, ‘I know right!’.

“I tried to tell Cindy how good they were - even tried to old school slide the CD over the table but she’s too far up her own ass to listen to anything I recommend.” She cracked open another beer and placed her old bottle on the table behind the couch.

“Fuck it--” Juliet spoke, “You’ve been there for what -- 7 months now right?”

Victoria nodded, letting the beer flow down her throat and intoxicate her even more. She definitely should have stopped drinking by now but she was having such a good time with these people that she was not going to.

“How many events you been to? Industry ones where you had to talk to the promoters and keep them company while the shitty up-their-ass talent scouts and account managers wandered around trying to find the ones that were going to make the most money.”

Victoria laughed at her friends words, sure now more than ever that this woman was going to be one of her closest friends for a long time. “Uhh…” She started, counting the events on her fingers. In her second month there had been at least one event per week and it had only escalated as they got closer to Christmas. It was only the middle of December and January that had been relatively quiet, and there were already three booked in for the rest of March.

“I would say probably about 15-- give or take..”

“Right,” Juliet continued, sitting up straighter and glancing momentarily at Danny’s hand which was moving up and down her back, “And how many of those promoters have you spoken to? I’ve been there a month and I already email three of them on a daily basis.”

Victoria nodded, smiling at the sight of Danny slumping slightly in the chair, obviously much more drunk that he thought he was and needing to touch her friend in any way he could. She couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be until the two actually got together. From what Juliet had said to her and what Josh had mentioned in his text it was only a matter of time.

“I’m pretty close with Miles from Domino, we meet for drinks sometimes when the day’s been shit and he got me those tickets to see Avenged Sevenfold that time… and there's about five that I speak to regularly on top of that.”

“So what you’re saying is that we have a total of nine contacts, all from different lables and promotion companies, all who talk to us on a personal and professional level on a daily basis. There’s probably more that we speak to at every event that we don’t realise would work for us.”

Josh sat forward in his seat as he realised where the girl was going with this. Andy had long since stopped playing air guitar and was sitting cross legged on the floor by the glass coffee table and watching the girls converse. It was really only Danny that seemed to be interested in nothing but the way Juliet’s lips wrapped around the words that fell from them rather than the sentences they were forming, and all it took was a slap on the knee from Andy to get him to pay attention.

“Yeah… I reckon that there’s loads of people that see us in a professional capacity..” Victoria grinned, having caught the train of thought, “I mean.. Do you think they would?”

“Why the fuck not?!” Juliet grinned, sitting on the edge of her seat, excited at the thought that hadn’t even been spoken aloud yet.

“We’re not too inexperienced?”

“Domino records was started by two people from almost nothing - I don’t even think they had that much money.” Josh chimed in, his eyes darting around the table and Victoria grinned.

“Fuck it, this is crazy but let's do it..” Victoria was sitting on the edge of her seat now too, and Andy’s eyes had somehow gotten wider at the prospect.

“My dad has a studio in the apartment.” Andy spoke, and the girls looked at him like he was crazy, “No, for real. My dad plays Cello for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra. He had a studio put in because we had loads of excess space and he wanted to be able to record even when he was on holiday.”

Victoria raised her eyebrows, and amused smile on her face as everything finally clicked into place. The Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra were one of the best in the world, his father playing Cello for them meant that buying a flat in green park was pocket change. It also made total sense why Andy was the way he was. He had grown up getting everything he wanted and expected the same to happen now.

“Let's start our own record company.” Juliet spoke the words, and Victoria nodded, excited beyond belief at this prospect. The Dangers were so good that she had absolutely no doubt that they could do this.

It was then that she got an alert through on her phone. She almost ignored it, but her drunk mind wouldn’t allow her and she was frustrated when she saw it was only a notification from the bbc news app that she had thought would help her become more topical. And then a wave of inspiration shook through her.

“What about...Wildfire Records.” She spoke, looking around the group, wondering if it was too insensitive considering she was sitting with a band who were from a state that had been completely devastated by wildfires in previous years. The words elicited a laugh from Danny, and he picked up his beer, sipping it with the renewed energy the idea had given him, “Insensitive?” She winced slightly as she looked around the room.

“Nah not at all.” Josh spoke, resting his ankle on his other knee, sipping his beer and Victoria felt the same backflip in her stomach again as his eyes ran over her features, “I love it.”

Andy stood, passing around the shot glasses that he had filled with more tequila and held the shot glass up with them, “Wildfire Records!” He cheersed, and all eight shot glasses clinked together, sealing the deal.

The rest of the evening had been treated as a celebration, which meant that drunk Victoria had seen it fit to open up the bottle of prosecco she had in the fridge, and Andy and her had tried to make a cocktail by mixing it with tequila. It had not gone well. The evening ended with her friends crashing at hers, the boys and Juliet getting in the same taxi and Victoria waking up with a hangover which meant she daren’t get out of bed for the entirety of Saturday.

Ben made them all a fry up, and the three friends sat for the day in pyjamas watching Harry Potter with a pizza that barely any of them touched. Victoria smirked at her phone when it lit up and she saw who it was from.

Juliet: Oh my God

Juliet: Did We drink an entire distillery last night?

Juliet: I woke up at the boys house - why did I not go home?

Victoria chuckled softly, tapping a quick reply before she focussed back on The Prisoner of Azkaban, her head splitting at the backlight that she was too hungover to figure out how to turn down.

V: Short answer - yes we did, and because Danny wants you.

Three dots started dancing almost immediately, and she wondered how her friend was managing to look at her phone for so long when she realised she must be in a cab on the way back to her own house.

Juliet: I think you’re right and I’m 100% okay with that. Got so much to tell you! V: omg catch me up on Monday, I am too dead right now to do anything but watch HP - see ya then xx

She fell asleep not long after she had pressed send, the exhaustion of drinking until 3am taking its toll. She awoke only when her friends were leaving, and she gave them hugs goodbye and saw them out before collapsing back in her bed.

Before she allowed her eyes to fall closed once more, she checked her messages to find two, butterflies in her stomach as she saw who they were from.

Andy (TD): remind me to party with u more often sweetheart ;)

J: thanks for an amazing evening - let’s hang again soon :)

While Andy's message made her roll her eyes, Josh’s text held an image with it. The band, the girls and Victoria’s friends were all smiling at the camera, Danny’s long arm managing to capture most of everyone’s faces.

She drifted into sleep once more, excited to see where the next few days would take her and hoping beyond belief that Wildfire wasn’t something that would be lost with the hangover.

[whyyallsweatin]

Repulsive, unattractive male scrounging around for women in Victoria BC.

Samuel David Wootton is a known woman harasser in Victoria BC. He usually preys on local women via social media and dating sites. He will attempt to make contact through less obvious means, like commenting or taking interest in an item a woman might list on marketplace, or follow a woman he found in a local Facebook group. He doesn’t seem to have many friends, so it’s doubtful that he meets people through mutual friends because, as stated, he doesn’t have any friends.

There are several reasons why women find this man repulsive. The first reason is that he is unattractive. This photo highlights what it is that makes him so unattractive. The creepy, strained look on his face, prominent nose, awkward haircut, and jogging pants all scream that he takes little to no effort in his appearance and that he simply doesn’t recognize that he is, compared to other men, beneath the median standards for attractiveness – despite not being morbidly obese. He prefers to wear jogging pants and unstylish hoodies from big box retail stores like Walmart. I suspect his underwear are the George brand from the aforementioned big box store. I also suspect that those very underwear are riddled with holes and are practically threadbare. In addition to that he wears dated sneakers with big, thick sports socks he purchased from Walmart or Costco. The socks are often pulled up over the bottom of his jogging pants.

The next reason why he is repulsive is his lifestyle. He appears to live in a really slummy apartment – likely in the downtrodden areas of Esquimalt. He sent me a photo of himself cooking and I could see the stove was really old, filthy and the pan he was using was from the 80s. He was cooking some kind of mixed meats and vegetables combination that consisted of defrosted vegetables and cheap cuts of meat. Maybe even generic hot dog wieners. I didn’t spend much time looking at it, but I believe I saw wieners in the concoction. He drives a beat up old van that’s loaded with junk, including embarrassing jester style hats that he wears in attempts to provide people he meets with physical humour. The van itself is full of cigarette packs, parts for various pieces of cheap furniture, junk he collected from the side of the road and an assortment of clothing in various states of decay. He has a small dog that he uses to attract people and spoof them into thinking he lives a life that consists of some kind of normalacy.

The next reason why he is repulsive isn’t really important because you can’t really get past the first two, so his integrity doesn’t really matter. But the reason I’m going to describe is his integrity. When I met him online, I was instantly turned off. I placed an add for my studio and he wrote me in response a bunch of creepy, sexually suggestive messages. After this I updated the add to include the phrase “please don’t ask me out on dates or send me sexual messages.” He immediately messaged me again, indicating he felt bad for what he had done after seeing my original add. He then indicated that we knew the same people. Since it was a very old friend of mine – I agreed to let him come see my studio thinking he might be ok if he knew a good friend of mine. He came over and I let him in. I showed him some of the crafts he could make and he started making something, only to quit and then go lay down on my futon. I suspect he thought it was time to cuddle so I told him I had to go home and he finally left after hours of having to sit there and watch him sleep and think he was right at home.

I should also mention that he indicated that he had been sober for 16 years. Knowing the old friend he mentioned we have in common, I suspected he was into all kinds of party drugs during the late nineties and early two-thousands. He claimed he was into healthy things and, despite appearances he was doing well in life.

I didn’t see him after that and went into hiding. However, several weeks later I’d see him message me on various different social media apps. I had no idea how he found all my profiles, but I felt sick knowing he had been creeping around so hard. He would phone me on Facebook messenger and I’d avoid the calls.

A few months later, I moved to Langford and my dignity slipped. I agreed to meet him for lunch and he bought some Pho for me at a restaurant in my area. He then wanted to go to the beach and tried to put his arm around me and hug me and other things. I felt sick. I told him I had to go home and do my chores and finally got him to drop me off. He then came back later asking me if I wanted ice cream. I said sure since I was bored and, while unattracted to him, was still not utterly disgusted and repulsed by him enough to say no.

At the restaurant where we got ice cream he tried to put his arm around me and hug, even tried to lean in for a kiss but I turned away.

After I got home, he began phoning me on Facebook messenger and messaging me on every social media app and texting my phone. He started to ask invasive questions about my sexuality and how he didn’t want things to be awkward but wanted to be intimate with a woman. He said, “hey, I do like you!” As if that was something I should be flattered by. I didn’t respond with anything but polite rejections until he started to get hostile and make derogatory statements about me. I blocked him on Facebook and then he texted me indicating that I had used him for money when all he paid for was Pho. He then tried to get a few insults in, but since I knew they were insults that were fuelled by his refusal to address his inadequacy in the face of rejection, I just blocked him on my phone. I don’t need to amuse myself with the pathetic names he wanted to throw out in attempt to make me feel as deeply inadequate as he knew he was.

So, appearance, lifestyle and integrity are all things that you first notice about this particular predator that are off putting. I was happy to have blocked him and not hear from him again. However, I was wrong – I would hear about him again.

One night I was cruising around on POF losers. It’s a Facebook page where people report losers on dating sites. Lo behold, a woman posted Samuel David Wootton. I was shocked – according to the comments he was well known to women in Victoria and was a frequent harasser and stalker of women. He’d use all kinds of means to get someone’s attention – through free ads, marketplace, pages devoted to things unrelated to dating, etc. Super creepy stuff. The post the woman made included at conversation she had with him where he became enraged that she hadn’t responded to him on POF immediately. He said something like, “I need someone who can keep up with me, who’s passionate about meeting new people.” Stuff like that – clearly he knew he was rejected already so he started dropping insult bombs in order to level the playing field – in his mind at least. When the woman responded to his lewd comments, he then made absolutely disgusting, sexually degrading remarks to her.

Everyone in the comment section knew who he was or had had run ins with him. I pictured him driving around day in day out in his van looking for people who had things on their yard to pick up for free, bottles, junk, whatever, in hopes of meeting a woman.

I decided to post my experiences with him on the POF page and found that even more people had had run ins with him. Laughing stock is not harsh enough to describe what people were saying about him. Someone who’s just unattractive or unsuccessful isn’t really a bad person – but Samuel David Wootton is those things and a bad person. He lurks around social media and neighbourhood prowling on women who are unsuspecting and then goes full on bezerk when they don’t pay attention to him. He tries to act as if he’s better than them when he gets rejected, but the truth is he’s not able to recognize his faults. There are some faults, though, that can’t be corrected.

While luckily never had to see his genitals, legend has it that they are microscopic. This isn’t something I can’t to go into detail about since the thought of his sweaty, worm like appendage hiding under a threadbare pair of George underwear disgusts me.

Now, this is where it gets really interesting. Several weeks later I get a message from a woman claiming to be his girlfriend. She had read the posts on POF and wanted to know when he had been approaching the women who posted him. She had been dating him for over a year as I recall and I informed her what times he attempted to pursue me and showed her the messages. As it turns out, he lives with her and she owns the van he drives around in while skulking. Myself and the other woman who posted him filled her in on his activities and she through him out of the house and took the keys for the van.

I suspect now, that he does not have a lifeline, he is in full creep mode. He may be on foot – wandering around neighbourhoods looking for women. He may be in a men’s shelter using the free computers to lurk around on social media in hopes of finding a woman. We don’t know. Part of me wants to know so I know how to avoid him, and part of me doesn’t want to know since I can sense the presence of his George brand holy underwear, jester hat and jogging pants just thinking about him and that’s unpleasant to me.

So in summary – Samuel David Wootton is 1. unattractive 2. has a repulsive lifestyle 3. lacks integrity -as a result can’t handle rejection -rejection is met with him firing back with derogatory or insulting language -actually had a girlfriend, to everyone’s surprise, but chose to creep around on her

And one final note – his character can be summed up by simply processing the underlying meaning of his Facebook quote: Try correcting a foolish person, they’ll hate you, try correcting a wise soul and they’ll appreciate you!!

I’m sure he posted that quote as a kind of words to live by but what’s disturbing about it is that only people who think they’re right often would post this sort of bullshit. Stupid people try and look smart, smart people don’t know they’re smart because they always try to learn from things – even mistakes. Stupid people think they’re an authority on things, so I bet Samuel David Wootton goes around ‘correcting’ people while he’s scrounging for empty bottles and free trash. He probably does so thinking he’s some kind of wise soul for having all the answers, when in fact he is the lowest form of life known to mankind. Even horrible people who’ve committed horrible crimes have had charisma and charm - but this guy? Nothing. Imagine if you were a victim of his, he’s not even smart or strong or anything. At least a lot of serial killers were smart or had enough charisma to at least initially impress upon people that they were ok. This guy? There’s no response but rejection to his appearance and personality.

Based on these facts, its only a matter of time before he cracks and uses his out of shape gross stature to outweigh a woman or any victim really because he has no option to actually date a real woman. He has to get what he wants via force because no one wants him or likes him. His repulsive ways are palpable. He has no other option other than to be a predator in order to fulfill his biological urges. So beware.

[thatshighlyoffensive]

That’s Highly Offensive: 2018 Golden Globes

Y’all know I only wear all black all the time, so I find the fact that Hollywood is "uniting" against whatever tonight by wearing all black to be kind of a stupid way to pussy foot around the issue, but who asked me? This should have been a night when the carpet looked the way I think it should at all times, but honestly, a lot of stuff looked makeshift and cheap to me. And WHAT was with all the skirts-over-pants nonsense?? I thought that was over. Also, forgive the overuse of the funeral garb schtick but what choice did I have?

Wow. It's rare that the first look I see ends up being the worst dressed of the night, but Debra Messing has just taken the cake, eaten it, made another cake, eaten that, made another one, and took that too. I know it's cliché but MESSing says it all. #thefacesofmeth That emerald eyeshadow and those Elvira for Family Dollar false lashes!!  And WHAT is that dent in her forehead?? I’ll tell you what it is… bad Botox. Or Juvaderm. Or whatever expired baby bunny cartilage her dermo found in Karen Walker’s dumpster. Oh and also, she’s wearing the dress version of Liza’s putty kkk hood shoes and it’s  all HIGHLY offensive.

Kelly Clarkson- "From Justin to King Midas" if King Midas was a lizard...

Kristin Cavallari went as 1999 Oscars Angelina Jolie but with a ballerina's bun and I'm not ok with it.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about Tracee Ellis Ross’s outfit. The phrase ‘Charmin Noir’ comes to mind, but let’s not bc you know how much I love a turban/wrap!

Meryl Streep: You bore me to tears. I like your glasses.

It seems to be literally KILLING Giuliana Rancid that she can’t ask “Who are you wearing?” bc she is incapable of NOT pointing out the fact that she’s not asking that question to every person she's interviewed. And as always, she looks like the Queen from Antz but this year her skin is a particularly orange shade of Oscar Meyer all beef frank. She also has one of the most bulbous horse hair dino ponytails I’ve ever seen. She's like the anorexic version of Starla from Napoleon Dynamite. AND HER TAN LINES! I didn't know you got those from bottled self tanner...

Catherine Zeta Jones: I am still obsessed with CZJ even after recently rewatching Ocean’s Twelve for the first time since Cat and I fell asleep in the theater. Her face, her body, her dress, her earrings, her love for her thousand year old father in law… I am fully behind all of it!

Penelope Cruz: See above. #stunning

I don't know who this woman from Outlander is but I do know she better be on her way to audition at Tweetsie Railroad.

Connie Britton: NO.

Jessica Biel and J. Tim- don’t NO ONE CARE. I don’t know one person who watched ‘The Sinner’ (most people didn’t even know what I was talking about when I asked if they’d heard of it), so the fact that she is nominated is a testament to that Sexy Back money and nothing more. Just her talking about being a producer of the show is like… We get it…you’re the only one who would pay you to be an actress anymore. PS, your arms are fabulous.

Mandy Candy Moore: Olé!

Holy shit Diane Kruger looks amazing.

Unfortunately, Sarah Paulson is one of those I feel looks like she's in something cheap. Really cheap. Like she stole a leotard from the Xanadu Mourning collection and wrapped a table cloth around herself. And I can't say I love the choppiness of her bob.

Michele Williams- I’m still not over how ridiculous you looked on Dawson’s Creek, but your pixie has grown on me over the last few years but OHMYGOD what is that shelf in the back? Lloyd Christmas called…

Seth Myers looks like the singing sword and a foot had a baby and named it Cheremy.

Jamie Chung- First of all, why are you here? Secondly, you look like the winner of a ‘Grunge Bride’ themed stripper contest sponsored by Hefty in 2002. Those shoes….

Alexis Bledel- Let’s get this out of the way: I can’t stand you. You’re a mumbler with creepy Kewpie doll eyes and mouth. But as for what you’re wearing, GASP you’re not wearing solid black so you obviously don’t care about women!! But also, you must not care about yourself either because you look like one of Ariel’s sisters and Dionysus had a baby and it came out haunted.

Why is Dave Franco wearing so much rouge????

Alison Brie- Ok, you can channel Audrey Hepburn, I guess. Although her dress does resemble my senior prom dress from Cache. Oh wait- there’s a pants leg. You’re trash.

William H. Macy: Did Grubby die? That’s the only reason I can think of for Teddy Ruxpin to show up to the Golden Globes in all black…

Gal Gadot is clearly going to an audition for "A Chorus Line" after the Globes. Why else would she steal a maitre'd's jacket and cut it in half?

Saoirse Ronan looks perfect all around. I need all of it immediately, even though I’d look more like Bruce Villanche dressed in drag doing a David Bowie tribute than her svelte awesomeness…

Eva Longoria looks like a pregnant Sharpie.

It took me a solid 3 seconds & a glance at the caption to figure out I was looking at Halle Berry and not some mixed berry bag of Skittles from a prom themed episode of the CW’s Gossip Girl revival. And her bangs look gross and ridiculous. #whywontsheage??

I take it back: Reese Witherspoon looks like the pregnant Sharpie. Or maybe her daughter has decided to become a fashion designer and this was her first foray into an origami—inspired collection? #blacktobasics

Nicole Kidman (or Nicky Kickin it in the Moulin Rouge, as Jack McFarland calls her) looks flawless, as always. The one negative thing I will say is that I find flutter fly cap sleeves to be among the most offensive things in adult female fashion (mainly because the only humans that can pull them off are pre-teens, anorexics and Kate Moss (not that she’d ever wear them).

Viola Davis wins everything. Omg that hair and makeup and jewelry and dress. ⚰️⚰️⚰️

Did Zac-without-a-K Efron want people to mistake him for Milo Ventimiglia? Is that the reason for the mustache? Why is he even there? GASP! Are they already remaking High School Musical (because you know that’s in the works…) with him starring as Troy again?!? #prayerhands

Why exactly is Naomi Campbell at the Golden Globes, must less in a piece from the never-to-be-seen sketches Vivienne Westwood did for Guy Richie’s new pandering remake starring Madonna as Herlock Holmes?

Lily James- You are gorgeous perfection and I mean that because anyone that stars in a live action Disney remake is automatically on my shit list (I’m looking at you, Emmas Stone and Watson…) but what the actual hell are you wearing? You look like a Project Runway contestant’s submission on the theme “Maleficent’s entrance to the party.”

Octavia Spencer looks like the teacher who got to play Glinda’s role in a #metoo fundraising, high school production of Wicked after the lead was stricken with mono.

Greta Gerwig- I’m tempted to allow it, but only if you’re intentionally channeling Marchesa Luisa Casati.

Angelina Jolie- oh. my. god. I know I’m biased (as one of her long lost, adopted children she’s never acknowledged or heard of) but I cannot say one bad thing about this, especially since I’ve been in 100% Bombshell  Manual mode lately and anything with feathers or frills or femininity is giving me LIFE. #bestdressed

Elizabeth Moss: from Polly to Pollyana. Anyone that gets that is my lifelong friend and anyone that doesn’t please never talk to me again. But seriously honey, that waistline is not your friend.

Jessica Chastain- I think I love everything about this but am i crazy or does it make her look a little bulky? Tell me I’m crazy. I’m crazy. (Narrator: She was definitely crazy.)

omg Maggie Gyllenhaal is wearing the same Castle Greyskull, droopy-sleeve of wizard-vagine garment as Debra Messing! Is this a thing?? Gross. And those earrings are stupid too but I don’t know why.

Emilia Clarke is perfection (minus the bow but moving on) and I don’t even love GOT.

Geena Davis stole one of CZJ’S costumes from Chicago and i can’t say that I’m angry. I will say that I’m angry that the head designer at LOFT got hold of it and added a few of those filthy lace panels before she walked the red carpet, but since she still looks pretty flawless…I’LL ALLOW IT.

As always, Lena Headey looks like the drunk, badass aunt who was a groupie before falling into acting so I love her even more than when she gets drunk and sets people on fire on tv. The dress does look like something a goth would make to wear to a Renaissance fair, but who cares when she looks that cool in it?

I love Margot Robbie more than almost anyone in Hollywood today (even though she stole my life’s dream of playing Tonya Harding. Seriously, I’d started writing a short right before they announced that movie and I’m not even kidding), but I can’t say i know exactly what she was going for with this look… an Elsa-possessed mistletoe over her womb to subtly announce she’s expecting? A tribute to the portion of Fantasia where fairies ice skate to ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ as a nod to the ice goddess she plays in ‘I, Tonya?’ I’ve been staring at it for a few minutes now and can honestly say I have no clue.

Gwendolyn Christie- I have no idea what you are wearing but I do know that I am obsessed with your GOT character so you have my permission to do whatever you please.

Kerry Washington unfortunately looks like some anorexic basic at her junior prom. And those floral net booties are what a leprechaun wears to a funeral. wtf. Oh but her hair is on point.

Kate Hudson- Je refuse.

Chris Hemsworth can do no wrong even in a suit made from a brocade table cloth and VELVETEEN shoes so don’t even worry about it, honey.

Michelle Pfeiffer- omg i am heartbroken over how matronly you look!! As anyone who knows me knows, my mother could pass as your identical twin, so I take it kind of personally when you show up on the red carpet dressed as Marian the librarian’s widowed sister, Ovarian.

Zoe Kravtiz- Sweetie, it’s already been done and its name was Natalie Portman. A chunky, funky  emerald earring does make you look like Audrey Hepburn's edgy cousin though. Whatever- you still look gorgeous and I love you.

Kendall Jenner- There are so many things wrong with your look, much less your existence, but I’ll just sum it up with this: T. STRAPPED. POINTY. TOED. SHOES. Also, lay off the brow botox before you look like Debra Messing, or worse, Kylie Jenner. #gasp

Sarah Jessica Parker literally went as her character from Hocus Pocus attending a funeral.

Isabelle Huppert wins the night! Nope, spoke too soon. Her dress has those damned flutter sleeves on it too! What IS that? It’s trash, is what it is…

Roseanne Barr forgot to put a dress over her Spanx…

Ok, that's all I got. I barely watched any of the actual show bc I can't with most of those self important a-holes, so I can't comment on anything "exciting" or "interesting" that might have happened. Let me know if I missed anything highly offensive🥂

[where-i-am-being]

The Day Tevita Died

“One morning, in December 2006 I was delivered some of the worst news I have ever heard. Springtime and I sat on the bed in my room at Gilfillan street. I think we were listening to more from my live The Mars Volta collection and canoodling, as we did. My mother came into my room and announced quite directly, but morosely that my brother Jack and some of his friends had gone up on ‘Lion Rock the night before to drink and make merry. For reference, Lion Rock is about 150ft tall and right on the shoreline of one of the best surf beaches in the world. There were very high winds, and this was the night time. My mother said that one of his friends, David Herrick, had gone missing and the assumption was that he’d fallen and was lost. I cried a little bit, but really this David was the kind of person you expect this to happen to. Not that that’s any less important, but it’s less upsetting. 

I shed a few tears and carried on with my day. Springtime left sometime soon after this and I had to go and meet a friend named Sammy G who I had met through the DDD forum. We’d agreed to meet up in a café in Ponsonby, which happened to be very close to his home also. It was a nice afternoon, and since we had not met we walked straight passed each other initially. As we found each other and went into the café to order whatever he was ordering, I got a txt fro my mother saying that it was not David H. that had fallen, but Tevita. I had to turn my numb mode on or I would not make it through the day. There was no possible way this happening. Oh my fucking God. 

It worked. Sammy and I sat and spoke about music for a couple of hours, then he invited me to jam a bit at his place nearby. Normally I’d be sceptical but he was a small guy and I think I could’ve easily taken care of myself had he tried anything. I was there for another couple of hours, then I had to go. I couldn’t hold it together any longer, and I wanted to be with Springtime so bad that it hurt. I wanted to see Jack so bad that it hurt. I wanted to see Tevita so bad that I could not entertain that thought or it would have killed me. Even though I would’ve told you I was, I was not yet at a point where me walking to a nearby bridge instead of a bus stop was totally out of the question. I was very frightened. This was the first time someone I really knew and liked had died suddenly. Angus’ dad was more a peripheral situation, and Luke’s dad I had met perhaps once.

I was texting Springtime from when I left Sammy’s place I think trying to work out some way that I could see her. This was not possible, but what she did was keep in contact with me until she turned up at about 8:30am the next morning, having potentially had to catch a bus as early as 6:45 to get to me at that time. She also brought Trivial Pursuit, a game, which had become a ritual for us at her house. It was one of the only things we could really do for fun under the hawk-eye watch of her mother. This was not resented, but embraced as we found some of the most childish and pure pleasure in a silly board game that we never played to the rules. She was aware enough to know that this would cheer me up at least some and brought it with her, even having gotten up that early in the morning.

She was incredible to me around this period. It was a blessing and a curse though, because while it sussed me out at the time, I invested too much in that and it prevented me from properly dealing with Tevitas death personally. I almost ignored a lot of what I was feeling to focus on what being with Springtime made me feel, which was positive. If it weren’t for Springtime at this point, I wouldn’t have been able to attend the funeral I don’t think, but conversely I would not have found myself in such a particularly bad position about 8 months later either. Oh, yes…. Springtime came to the funeral. She knew Tevita but not too well. They had met at my 16th birthday party. For a reason I can’t remember, she always called him Jasmine. Even after he karcked it.

They didn’t find Tevita’s body for two weeks or more. I spent a lot of time in bed, but Springtime made me spend some time with friends. Everyone was very sympathetic, and I think I probably forgot to thank anyone but Springtime through this period. Funnily, I didn’t see much of Jack. Chames, J-Wah and they had sort of recoiled into their own little group which then included Big Dog and Sean, Nike’s brother, and rarely extended their group to the rest of their friends. Jack started drinking very heavily, and I didn’t think anything of that till months later when it had become a problem. I assumed he would stop once they found Tevita’s body.

When they did I was immediately informed that the funeral was to be held on Christmas Eve and where etc… This was a very dramatic death in that the night he fell, The Mars Volta had been scheduled to play, then subsequently postponed. The boys went out that night as a replacement. I think because of the absurdity of the whole ordeal I was pretty much totally numb till the funeral. I didn’t think I would be able to handle it to be honest. I knew that seeing friends like Nike in that state when I had not spoken to them in a while was going to be too heavy. No one deserves to bury any of their friends before they’re 50. Tevita fell a week or so after graduating from high school. He was 18.

Springtime was happy to come to the funeral with me, and I really needed it. I remember arriving at the church about midday. I probably already knew that this day was going to be how it turned out. But instead of worrying I was only thankful for the people with me. Just outside the church waiting, my brother and another four of Tevita’s best friends: J-Wah, Chames, Big Dog and Sean. They asked me to go inside, and find my seat. So I moved with my mother, sister, and Springtime to find a seat in the huge round church. The high roof, and large pillars daunted me, as I was not familiar with churches. I could see around me some friends had already lost it. Joseph, sitting three rows in front was already in tears. This might have been the first time since he was about 10 I’d seen him cry. And Nike, who was in the exact same position as me was barely able to speak.

Some candles were lit, and the precession began with the choir. An unorthodox choir singing in Tongan. It was beautiful. Passed us came a man carrying a long cross, and three young girls baring wreaths. Close behind followed the coffin. My brother Jack, Sean, J-Wah, Big Dog and Chames were pallbearers. As soon as I saw my brother, I burst into tears. Big Dog, was also already in tears. The other four were staying together. A few people around me lost it just as bad. But I was so, so thankful that the people with me, were with me. The choir quieted when the coffin was placed next to the altar, and the wreaths the girls were carrying placed on top, with photos of him in life. 

His mother, Ana Feki, took the podium to give the opening words. But first the priest started a chant that was soon joined by the twenty-something strong choir. This was brief, and amazing. When Ana spoke, you could hear the pain in her voice. She had lost a son, as we had lost a friend. The words came out in slightly choked Tongan, and although we couldn’t understand what she was saying, her gestures and tone suggested what was being conveyed. We all felt it deep. No one could escape that pain to whatever degree they felt it. He was such an amazing person that it was impossible not to at the very least feel for his family.

Next in line to talk, was Tevita’s older sister, whose grief outweighed her mother’s. She spoke directly about Tevita’s music, and his enormous potential. It was hard to watch, but still the way she made it seem like Tevita was infinitely more important than anything, or anyone else in her life, was spectacular. She, unlike her mother, repeated entire soliloquy in English. No one in the entire church, as large as it was, had a dry eye. It was an impossible concept.

Perhaps it was the colour of the midday sun cutting through the octagonal skylight, or maybe it was sound of the choir, killing the sorrowful silence, that would otherwise consume us. But there was something in the air that day that brought people who had never met each other before to hold each other. I’ve never forgotten that.

The final blessings were said in words I couldn’t make out through the voices in my head, telling me things would be ok. When you lose somebody, all your words get tangled into a mess when you think of them. Everything thing you have ever said that could have been hurtful rings through your ears, what seems like endlessly. It’s a bitter business; death.

The blessings were made, and everyone of faith made their way to the altar, dragging their feet to be communed. Then, again, the pallbearers took to their feet to carry our friend one last time. A sight no one should ever have to witness. Then, the recessional with the choir still in a mournful wail, cutting the silence short. Once the coffin was in the hearse, the friends and family made their way out of the church in as close to unison as we could possibly get through the doors. Now, looking at the coffin with flowers atop in the back of a car, 3 feet from, for some of us, our lost best friend was just too much for anyone. Those who had previously held his or her emotional ground had given up entirely. There was a good 20 minutes we were granted to say our personal goodbyes and honour him in our own way. It morphed into at least 20 years.

After the moment I turned from his bed, made just for him, I remember nothing until reconvening with my brother at the cemetery. When I arrived at the grave, they hadn’t filled it yet and I remember the Tuck And Patti medley of Jimi Hendrix’s “Castles Made Of Sand” and “Little Wing” was played as every single person in attendance fell silent. The beautiful voice, and the slick guitar, somehow captured perfectly every single person’s personal feeling towards the occasion. Despair, regret, fault, remembrance, helplessness or loss. But, even then, no doubt everybody shared the feeling of an endless love for a beautiful person that should never have been let go.

In a way, we never let him go. Tevita was a pure soul. His music was rooted in the earth and his person was ultimate. He looked, and acted almost exactly like Jimi Hendrix. His voice sounded the exact same, too. His guitar playing was reminiscent of nature and rain. He was really one of those people with the Holy Spirit. You could tell just looking at him that he could never do you wrong, and you could never find fault without healthy self-awareness in him. RIP Tevita“

[welllpthisishappening]

Out of the Frying Pan (30/?)

“He wouldn’t think that,” Ruby said softly, hand reaching out to rest on Emma’s knee, and Mary Margaret nodded enthusiastically.

“You don’t know that.” “I absolutely do.” “Emma,” Mary Margaret cut in, the look on her face nearly making Emma start to cry again. “It’s not too soon. And it’s not too scary. The way he looks at you...like you are everything to him. I think he loves you just as much as you love him.” And she couldn’t argue, couldn’t come up with a single word or a single letter, just blinked quickly to try and push the tears back into her eyes and focused on the rush that shot through her whole body at the idea.

AN: Guuuuuuuys. Things. Have. Happened. Big things. Important things. Agh! I’m so psyched. I won’t ever be able to come up with enough adjectives to explain how much your response to this story means to me. It blows my mind. @laurnorder continues to fix all my words because she’s fantastic & @distant-rose makes beautiful aesthetics and listens to me complain about my job every day. They’re the best. 

Hanging out on Ao3 and tag’ed up on Tumblr. 

“This is the worst.” “It’s a party for you.” “That makes it the absolute worst.” Emma glanced at Mary Margaret, hands resting on her stomach and an impatient look on her face. The apartment was filled with people, all of them seemingly determined to put their hands on her stomach and ask about color schemes for the nursery – drawing a scoff from Ruth every single time, no matter how far removed she was from the conversation – and at some point someone had tried to place a twisted hat of ribbons on Mary Margaret’s head and Emma was almost convinced her sister-in-law was going to murder them right there in her living room.

She didn’t.

But that may have been because both Emma and Ruby had intervened, ushering Ella and her three-year-old daughter to the other side of the room where the punch was.

“We should have made this punch alcoholic,” Mary Margaret muttered, staring at the small cup in her hand.

Emma gaped at her, twisting her body in the chair and trying to find Ruby across the throng of well-wishers who had stacked a small pile of presents at Mary Margaret's feet. “Mary Margaret,” she said sharply, not willing to admit that she absolutely agreed with her.

This really was the worst.

Mary Margaret hadn’t even really wanted a baby shower – telling both Emma and Ruby at least half a dozen times that she and David were more than capable of buying Leo his own belongings without the help of anyone, least of all the other teachers at school or wives of police officers she didn’t really even know.

And then Ruth had showed up two days before with the idea for a baby shower and all-blue-everything and Emma and Ruby had been forced to go into party-planning mode, no matter what Mary Margaret grumbled.

She was exhausted.

And Ruby looked unfairly good for how exhausted she had to be as well. She had to be exhausted. They’d barely slept in the last two days – text messages from Ruth and Mary Margaret and David actually threatening to make their respective phones freeze at one point. Emma felt like she could actually feel the bags under eyes and her hands were still cramping from holding a spatula for the better part of the morning, pulling mini-quiches off of cookie sheets in The Jolly kitchen.

She didn’t have enough room in her own apartment to meet quota.

That might have been why she was so tired too – Killian Jones was nothing if not incredibly good at providing a distraction while mini-quiches cooked in all five of his restaurant’s ovens and they’d managed to tick off that box fairly effectively.

Mary Margaret grumbled again, making a face Emma hadn’t seen since she was sixteen and David had said something stupid about wanting to move to New York and be a police officer and she’d had to play mediator in the middle of Main Street.

“Just think of this like charity,” Emma said, glancing at the mountain of baby-goods wrapped in an assortment of sickeningly adorable paper. “You sit here and let people crowd your personal space for a couple of hours, you make Ruth happy and you get gifts out of it. It’s not a bad deal when you think about it.” “You complaining again?” Ruby asked, appearing out of seemingly nowhere to rest her elbow on the back of Mary Margaret’s chair. She grinned knowingly at her, a teasing glint in her eye that Emma immediately recognized as amusement – and a plan.

And that worried her a bit.

“I’m not complaining,” Mary Margaret said, sitting up a bit straighter and glaring at Ruby. “I’m just curious when I lost all ability to make decisions on my own. We don’t need these presents or the punch or, God, what is this?”

She yanked a small knot of ribbons out of the back of her hair where it had been, unknowingly, stuck for the last twenty minutes. Emma hadn’t had the heart to tell her. She was an awful friend. And she was so tired she couldn’t see straight. Ruby pointed at Mary Margaret’s stomach, grin creeping across her face. “That’s why.” “That’s stupid.” “You’re just the mom,” Ruby laughed. “Ruth’s the grandmother. Plus you’re getting, like, a ridiculous amount of stuff for free.” “These are all things I’ve already pointed out,” Emma said softly, earning her own glare from Mary Margaret. She rolled her eyes at the expression – if they were going to act like teenagers, she could meet Mary Margaret look for look. And early-morning makeouts with her boyfriend, but that was beside the point.

“You’re right,” Mary Margaret sighed. Ruby and Emma’s eyebrows jumped in tandem, quick glances exchanged and Mary Margaret’s whole body sagged forward a bit, like she’d been holding her breath for the better part of the afternoon. “I know I’m being stupid. It’s not just about the party. Although, I totally didn’t want the party and it is super weird how we as a society have decided it’s ok to feel a woman’s stomach because there’s another human in there and…” “Focus, M’s.”

Mary Margaret took a deep breath and nodded once, pushing her hips up slightly to grab something out of her back pocket. Emma opened her mouth, something about straining herself on the tip of her tongue and Mary Margaret glared at her. “I swear to God, Emma Swan, if you say anything about being careful, I will rage right in the middle of this apartment.”

Emma’s eyes widened to potentially dangerous proportions and Ruby’s elbow slid off the chair quickly, her entire body folding into itself with laughter. “Talk about hormones,” she muttered, hooking her foot around an empty folding chair and all but collapsing into it.

“Jeez, Mary Margaret,” Emma said softly.

“Sorry, sorry,” she mumbled, unfolding what appeared to be an envelope and handing it to Emma.

“What’s this?” “Look at it, but, you know don’t open it?” Emma glanced questioningly at her, but Mary Margaret just nodded, teeth pressed into her lower lip tightly. It was an envelope and it looked like it had taken up residence in Mary Margaret’s back pocket, folded, at least, two dozen different ways like she kept taking it out to stare at it.

And it was from the city of New York.

More to the point, it was from One Police Plaza in the city of New York.

“Oh my God,” Emma mumbled, eyes flashing up towards Mary Margaret who looked nothing short of absolutely ashamed. Her whole lip was twisted in between her teeth and she was beating out a nervous rhythm on her side.

“I know, I know. I’m the worst wife in the whole world.” “What is it?” Ruby asked, leaning forward and pulling the envelope out of Emma’s hand. Her whole face went slack when she looked at the return address. “Holy shit, Mary Margaret.” “Ruby!” “What? There’s not actually a baby here yet. And this is a huge deal.” “It is,” Mary Margaret admitted. “It’s the biggest deal. That’s why I’ve been so frustratingly annoying about this party thing. I couldn’t deal with the idea of people doing stuff for me when I was hiding this.” “You’re hiding it?” Emma repeated and Ruby was laughing again.

Mary Margaret nodded slowly, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Hormones. “For the last four days.” “Oh my God.” “Stop saying that.” “I don’t know what else to say.” “Are you going to tell David?” “No,” Emma said quickly, not even considering another option. “That’s all you, M’s.” Mary Margaret groaned, drawing a few curious glances from people who desperately wanted to play baby shower games, and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

“We definitely should have made this punch alcoholic,” Ruby said, downing the rest of her drink like she was doing shots.

“How did this happen?” Emma asked, ignoring the requests for alcohol she was practically drowning in. “I mean you knew he took the test. You knew the test would have results. This could be a good thing.” “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” Mary Margaret said and her fingers hadn’t stopped moving in the last three minutes. “And I want David to be happy and no one deserves to be an officer more than him. I know that.” “But?” “But that is absolutely terrifying.” “It’s not going to change the results of that exam.” “I just thought maybe if he didn’t know for a couple of extra days, we could just have this.” She glanced around the apartment at the group of people she’d put up such a fight over a few hours before, shrugging at Emma and Ruby. “We could just be soon-to-be parents and he wouldn’t feel like he was some sort of leader or under all this stress. That’s why he didn’t tell me he was going to take the exam in the first place.” “I know that,” Emma said before entirely considering what she was saying.

“What?” She ran her hand over face, slouching forward until her elbows rested on her knees. “He showed up at my apartment months ago, certain I was dead because I didn’t answer my phone. It was very typical David. And he told me.” “He always thinks he’s got to try and protect me.” “He’s worried about you.” “That’s dumb.” “So is hiding his test results.” Ruby chuckled, smiling at Emma. “I think she just won, Mary Margaret. Who knew making out with Killian Jones would make you so smart?” “Yeah, let’s focus on that,” Mary Margaret said, envelope and test results and baby shower games seemingly forgotten in her determination to hear about Emma’s relationship. “You two are pretty handsy, you know.” “Handsy?” Emma scoffed. “What is this? Middle school?” “High school. At least.” Emma rolled her eyes, ignoring the way her stomach flipped at the thought of handsy and a handful of other adjectives and memories of the last few weeks flashing through her mind.

“You are actually blushing,” Ruby said, sounding just a bit stunned. “I had no idea you were capable.” “Shut up,” Emma hissed. Mary Margaret was sniffling again and this conversation had gotten totally off track.

“Come on, spill. What happened last week?” “What happened last week? Things happened last week?” Mary Margaret’s eyes flashed between Emma and Ruby, acting like she was waiting on some sort of New York Times breaking news headline.  

“How did we land on this topic?” Emma sighed, twisting the end of her hair around her finger and two incredibly accusatory gasps met the movement. Goddamnit. “This is your baby shower, M’s.” “Yeah, but I didn’t really want it.” “Because you were too busy feeling guilty about lying to your husband.” “What happened last week?”

“Emma broke into Killian’s apartment and cooked him dinner,” Ruby answered and Mary Margaret’s entire mouth was hanging open. “Told him she wanted to do something nice because he spent the whole day in court character witnessing for Regina.” “Wait, wait, back up,” Mary Margaret said, not even looking at Emma anymore. “She broke into his apartment?” Ruby nodded. “And what’s a character witness?” “He’s trying to help prove Regina should be able to adopt Roland when she marries Robin.” Mary Margaret actually said awww and Emma needed to seize back control of this conversation. “Hi,” she said, bitterness creeping into the corners of her voice. Two pairs of slightly amused eyes answered her. “I’m still here. Any chance you guys want to include me in this conversation about me?” Ruby shrugged, but Mary Margaret at least had the common decency to look a little bit embarrassed. “And anyway,” Emma continued, digging herself a bit deeper into this conversation-hole. “I didn’t break into his apartment. Ariel let me in.” “His hostess?” Emma mumbled some kind of agreement in the back of her throat and Mary Margaret stared at her with a bit of wonder on her face. “What?”

“I’ve just never seen you so happy.” “Oh, don’t get all sappy on me, M’s.” “I’m not, really. Ask Ruby. She’ll say the same the thing.” “It’s true, Em,” Ruby said, staring at her seriously a force field of brown eyes and determination. “You’re...I don’t even know. If I could come up with a better word than happy, I would. But that’s the jist of it. You’re so happy and no one deserves to be happy more than you.” “You’re both saps,” Emma mumbled, staring at her shoes so she didn’t do something ridiculous like start to cry in the middle of Mary Margaret’s living room.

They both shook their heads at her and Emma tried to keep her breathing level, stomach clenching a bit because she was just as happy as they were telling her she was. Probably more. And she believed in Killian – trusted him implicitly and wanted him even more – but she was still Emma and Emma never quite knew what to do when things were going well.

This was going well.

And she was terrified of it falling apart.

She was terrified of losing him.

“It’s still early,” she muttered, half to herself, a quiet mantra she’d taken up since he’d lost on purpose for her , determined to keep her expectations as low as possible.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Ruby said sharply and Ruth scoffed from a few feet away, like there was a baby in the living room who would also be scandalized by swear words and inappropriate behavior.

“It is,” Emma argued. “It’s only been a couple of months. I’ve only known him for a couple of months! I shouldn’t be…”

She cut herself off, eyes falling back to the floor – mostly so she didn’t have to look at the smug smiles on both Mary Margaret and Ruby’s face.

“You’ve used that excuse before,” Ruby said.

“That doesn’t make it any less true.” “Emma,” Mary Margaret said quietly and she couldn’t have looked away if she tried. “Have you told him about Neal?” Ruby let out a low whistle and Emma’s entire body shivered like someone had just opened every window in the apartment. She shook her head forcefully, hair whipping across her face almost painfully. “No,” she said, the certainty in her voice drowning out any potential for follow-up questions. “And I’m not going to.” Mary Margaret opened her mouth – that follow-up practically hanging on the tip of her tongue – but Emma narrowed her eyes and her sister-in-law’s jaw snapped shut audibly. “I don’t want him to know.”

And those two pairs of very judgemental eyes softened just a bit, picking up on what Emma hadn’t actually said. She didn’t want him to, somehow, think less of her. She didn’t want him to know that she’d found out she was pregnant in jail or considered giving Henry up for adoption or had a record that Ruby had done just about everything in her power to keep under lock and key when the show got successful.

Because if he knew he might look at her differently.

And that thought alone made every single part of her body twist uncomfortably.

What a mess.

“He wouldn’t think that,” Ruby said softly, hand reaching out to rest on Emma’s knee, and Mary Margaret nodded enthusiastically.

“You don’t know that.” “I absolutely do.” “Emma,” Mary Margaret cut in, the look on her face nearly making Emma start to cry again. “It’s not too soon. And it’s not too scary. The way he looks at you...like you are everything to him. I think he loves you just as much as you love him.” And she couldn’t argue, couldn’t come up with a single word or a single letter, just blinked quickly to try and push the tears back into her eyes and focused on the rush that shot through her whole body at the idea.

“There’s no such thing as too soon,” Mary Margaret continued, sunshine and optimism packed into a human body ready and willing to support Emma no matter what. “It just is. You don’t have to question it. You just have to act. And I think you should tell him.”

“Dor and I knew in less than a week,” Ruby added. “Honestly. I saw her and the metaphorical chorus in my mind started to play and I told her I loved her seven days later. No joke.” Emma’s laugh was shaky at best, but she couldn’t help but smile at the two friends in front of her. And wonder when she’d gotten so lucky.

Everything was too good.

“You have a metaphorical chorus in your mind?” she asked, glancing at Ruby who simply nodded like it was completely normal.

A pair of footsteps came up towards them and Emma looked up to find Ruth staring at them expectantly. “Mary Margaret,” she said. “You want to start opening presents? It might keep things from getting a little dull in here.” Emma pulled her lips behind her teeth – determined not to actually laugh for fear of what both Ruth and Mary Margaret would do to her – and Mary Margaret just nodded quickly, fingers still tapping out that rhythm on her stomach.

“Sure,” she said and Emma wondered if anyone heard the tension in her voice besides her. “That sounds really good.”

Ruth beamed at her, turning back to the small crowd to get them to transition a few feet to their collective left and Mary Margaret squeezed her eyes shut tightly. “Free stuff, M’s, just remember, free stuff,” Emma said, yanking her chair around so she was sitting next to her.

“They’ll be gone in an hour,” Ruby said.

And that wasn’t part of the plan.

“What?” Mary Margaret asked, leaning to the side to grab something wrapped in rubber duck-themed paper.

Ruby’s face shifted – falling back into cutthroat producer with a practiced ease that probably should have intimidated Emma a bit, but just served to impress her. “That was why I came over here in the first place,” she said, crossing her legs and hooking her heel behind her ankle. “Strangely enough, it was freezing cold at the Piers and apparently Henry wasn’t quite as interested in soccer anymore. So they’re at The Jolly now, something about root beer floats and baked goods and they’ll be back here in an hour. I think David’s kind of anxious to get back to you, Mary Margaret. It’s disgusting.”

“Disgusting,” Mary Margaret repeated, sounding like it was anything but.

“How’d you know all that?” Emma asked, wondering why she hadn’t gotten some sort of text-message update.

“You got it too,” Ruby said, nodding towards the phone sitting on an end table a few feet away.

Emma reached back, grabbing the thing and swiping her thumb across the screen. Twelve text messages. Eight from Henry – including a photo of David trying to go up against an automated goalie machine that she’d probably save for the rest of her life – three from David and one from Killian.

We might have to crash your shower, love. Soccer in the snow isn’t quite as fun as I was promised it would be.

That’s alright. I think you’re probably doing M’s a favor. And I might want to see you.

It took a full ten seconds for her phone to buzz again, earning a sarcastic glance from Ruby as several dozen acquaintances moved towards Mary Margaret, hands reaching out to touch her stomach and push presents towards her.

That so? Can’t get enough of me, huh? Something like that.

Good.  

The door swung open right on schedule an hour later, Henry sprinting into the living room with what looked like several inches of snow in his hair and at least half a dozen stories about David’s inability to play soccer on his lips.

Ruth was only slightly put out about the early-end to the party, Mary Margaret’s admission to being absolutely exhausted enough to make her mother-in-law usher everyone out the door ten minutes before. She looked a bit amused when David made a beeline to his wife – no complaints about his hand falling on her stomach without a word – and glanced at Emma knowingly, mouth ticking up a bit.

Emma shrugged.

“Relax, kid,” Emma laughed when Henry collapsed on the couch next to her, elbows just missing Ruby as he landed loudly. “We don’t need a full report right now.” “But mom,” he whined. “It was so funny. Uncle David actually fell over. He fell over!” “Yeah, I got the pictures you sent me.” “There are pictures?” David asked sharply, head snapping up from where it had been resting against Mary Margaret’s shoulders. “Jeez, delete those, Em.” “Nuh uh, I’m keeping those until the end of time. Now I’ve got some serious blackmail when you’re being a jerk.” “I wasn’t a jerk all day. Ask Killian.” He was leaning against the entryway to the living room, feet crossed at the ankles and his gaze only focused on Emma. He had snow in his hair too and the blue in his eyes looked bluer when they met hers, smile tugging on his mouth in a way that made her want to kiss him – hard. And for a prolonged period of time.

“I can confirm that your brother was not a jerk, Swan,” Killian said, stepping farther into the room and nodding towards a still-lying-across-the-entire-couch Henry. He sank onto the arm next to her, fingers brushing across the back of her neck and leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. “We had fun. Despite the potential concussion.” “You’re not really concussed are you, Uncle David?” Henry asked, sitting up quickly and Emma’s heart thumped in her chest at the concern in his voice.

“Nah, I’m fine,” David promised and Henry let out a relieved deep breath. “Although,” he continued slowly, glancing at Killian quickly. “Maybe not quite good. ” Killian nodded again, stepping towards Emma, and it seemed like the entire room had frozen. “What’s going on?” Mary Margaret asked.

David pulled the air into his lungs slowly, hands pushed into his pockets as he started to pace in front of them, eyes focused on the carpet underneath his feet and the small trail of New York City slush he was leaving behind him. “I got some news a couple of days ago,” he said softly and it took half a second for Emma to realize what was going on.

“Oh my God,” she groaned. “You’re both idiots.” David glanced questioningly at her and she ran her hand through the air, shaking her head. “Go ahead, say what you’ve got to say.” He took another deep breath and Killian’s fingers hadn’t stopped moving across the back of her spine, tracing some sort of pattern against her skin. Mary Margaret crossed her arms slowly, waiting patiently for the news Emma was positive she’d already figured out anyway.

“I passed,” David said, rushing over the words and ignoring his mother’s loud gasp. “Captain told me a couple of days ago. I passed and there’s a ceremony next month and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I was nervous how you’d react and I just want you to be happy. Nothing’s going to happen to me. Not when I’ve got so much to come home to.” His hand fell back to Mary Margaret’s stomach, palm resting flat against her shirt and her fingers tugged on his forcefully until they were twisted together.

And if Emma leaned back against her own boyfriend’s hand, his fingers coming down to rest on her shoulder and his lips brushing against her head, she couldn’t really blame herself.  

Mary Margaret closed her eyes lightly, smiling just a bit and David looked concerned she was having some sort of reaction. “Mary Margaret?” he asked, kneeling so he was eye level with her again. And his hand didn’t move out of hers.

“Emma was right,” she muttered.

“What?” “We’re both idiots.” She nodded towards the envelope Ruby had left sitting on the coffee table, flattened out for what was, likely, the first time since Mary Margaret had taken it out of the mail. “That came four days ago.” “Is this…” David asked slowly, leaning precariously back on his heels to grab the thin piece of paper, eyes lightening a bit when he noticed all the crease marks on it.

“I couldn’t bring myself to actually open it. I didn’t have to. I knew you’d pass. And I know I should have told you it came. But I was nervous and scared you’d do something absurdly heroic because of new bars on your uniform.” “I won’t.” “You will,” Mary Margaret said, but she was smiling as she spoke. “And that’s why I love you. You’d do whatever you could to protect anyone. You’re good, David Nolan. The good-est and that’s not even a word and I know it’s not a word and, well, I am so proud of you. I should have told you that from the start.”

David’s eyes widened a bit and Mary Margaret tried to keep her smile on her face and then they were kissing each other, fingers still wrapped together and Ruby groaned loudly. “Disgusting,” she mumbled, glancing at Henry who appeared to agree with the sentiment.

Ruth yelped loudly again, rushing towards her son and his wife and wrapping them tightly in another hug that was so tight Emma was positive David would chastise her for possibly hurting the baby.

“Swan,” Killian muttered in her ear, making her jump a bit. “Can I talk to you for a second?” Emma twisted her head to look up at him, the nerves practically radiating off him and her stomach felt like it dropped a few feet as she nodded slowly. “Sure.”

She stood up, pulling Henry’s legs off hers as she moved, and started walking towards the kitchen when she nearly fell over – Killian’s hand wrapped around her wrist and making her almost lose her balance when she came up short of linoleum.

“I was thinking maybe outside,” he said softly, redirecting her towards the door.

“Ok.”

They took a few steps into the hallway, the sound of the door slamming shut echoing behind him and Killian rolled his shoulders, thumb tapping on the side of his prosthetic. “You alright?” Emma asked. He nodded tersely and that didn’t do anything to make her feel like she wasn’t being lied to. “You look a little terrified.” He laughed at that, shoulders loosening a bit as he reached out towards her again. She moved without question, mind holding onto too soondespite romantic proclamations from Mary Margaret an hour before. “Not terrified,” Killian said softly. “A bit nervous, but not terrified.” “What’s going on?” “You know we haven’t actually been on another date since the network party.” And that’s not what she expected at all.

Emma’s eyes narrowed, head pulling back to stare at him and he was actually smiling now. “What are you getting at?” “I’m suggesting that maybe we should.” “And you had to bring me into the hallway to ask me that?” “You know Gina and Robin are getting married next month.” “Yeah,” Emma nodded. “I’ve seen the scrapbook.” He took a deep breath, eyes meeting hers without a trace of the previous nerves or misgivings and Emma couldn’t even remember what too soon was when he was looking at her like that. “Would you like to go with me?” Killian asked.

She nodded before she’d even really processed the question, head moving quickly as her heartbeat tried to keep up with the rhythm it was pounding out. His mouth met hers without another word, hands pushing underneath the bottom of her shirt until the fabric had ridden up her stomach and Emma barely remembered that her entire family was a few feet away behind one closed door.

She almost didn’t care.

She was ridiculously happy.

“I’ll have to buy a dress,” Emma mumbled and she could feel his smile when he laughed against her lips.

“You don’t have to,” Killian argued. “Wear whatever you want. Wear jeans for all I care. It’ll still look incredible.” “What a line.” “The truth.”

Emma shook her head, fingers still pushed into his hair as she pulled him back towards her – mostly so she could keep trying to ignore the way her stomach was flipping at the thought that it was the truth.

“Swan, your whole family is in that apartment,” Killian mumbled, a picture of responsibility despite the several different directions his hair was currently pushed in.

“Did you forget?” “No,” Killian said. “But in the grand scheme of trying to make a good impression, I’m not sure this is exactly helping my cause.”

Emma groaned, taking a much-needed step back and he pushed his hands in his pockets – like that was the only way to keep from touching her. “I’ve been meaning to ask you for awhile, you know,” he said.

“What?” “Or I’ve wanted to.” “Why didn’t you?” “We said we wouldn’t push, Swan. And bringing you to my producer’s wedding as a plus-one when you’ll likely have to sit by yourself during the ceremony seemed a bit like pushing.” She took a step back towards him, hand tugging on the unzipped zipper of his jacket until he didn’t have anywhere to look but her. “If I get to push you for information, you can push me for dates,” Emma said, trying to keep her voice steady. “Plus, I might have hoped you’d ask.” “Yeah?” “Well I can’t do all the asking out,” Emma laughed. “And I’m assuming Regina will have you decked out in some sort of incredibly fancy outfit. So I will admit that’s the main draw. Are you going to have to wear a waistcoat too?” Killian laughed, lips brushing across her forehead and his hand fell back to her waist and they were absolutely teenagers. “Ah, it’s my turn then, is it?” “Something like that.”

He nodded seriously and Emma wasn’t sure if she’d actually fallen into the floor or melted into it, but she was surprised she was still standing up. His didn’t blink, staring her like she was more than just someone he’d met a few months ago and more than someone who couldn’t seem to stop kissing.

He looked at her like she was everything.

And for the first time, she felt like it.

“I love you,” Emma said, words falling out of her without a second thought. His whole body tensed against her, eyes widening for a fraction of a moment and his teeth pushed into his lip tightly, like he couldn’t quite believe she was standing in front of him.

“Swan,” he said slowly, fingers tracing across her jaw. And fuck his eyes were blue.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Emma said quickly, trying to not to fall into herself or the floor, certain both were places she wasn’t particularly interested in being. Too soon.  Fuck. It was too soon. “I just wanted you to know. You should know. And you’ve been so good and, well, it’s the truth. You should know the truth, right?” He stared at her for a few more moments, mouth ticking up slowly before he crashed against her, lips moving demandingly over hers and his hand pushing its way up her stomach like he’d forgotten about the family members a few feet away.

Emma groaned when Killian’s hips canted upwards, pushing into her and leaving very little doubt to just how much he wanted her. “My turn, right?” he asked, mumbling the words against her lips and the breathless sound of his voice wasn’t fair at all. He pulled her hands towards him, resting her knuckles against the buttons of his shirt and when Emma finally got the courage to pull her eyes up to his she nearly fell over.

Like she was the goddamn sun.

“I love you too,” he said and his voice seemed to fill that tiny, metaphorical pit in her stomach that she’d never been able to actually put a name to.

And then he was kissing her again – softer this time, slower, like he was trying to memorize the way she moved and the way she felt against him and she might have been doing the exact same thing, fingers ghosting over his left wrist until they wrapped themselves around his prosthetic and pulled him flush against her.

He pressed her further against the wall, somehow finding an inch of space Emma’s body wasn’t already occupying, and she wasn’t entirely certain he knew what he was doing anymore, the determination to seemingly try and touch every single part of her taking control.

They really should pick better locations for these kind of conversations – hallways and hair and makeup and deserted sets seemed like the last places these things should happen at. So, of course it was like this.

Nothing had gone the way she’d expected when it came to Killian Jones.

Killian’s arm had found its way around her waist, tugging her up until her heels actually popped out of her shoes, using the wall as leverage until her calves were wrapped around his thighs and he groaned when she pushed her hips into his.

Emma laughed softly, head falling forward until her forehead rested on his and she could feel him smile against her. “Are you laughing at me, Swan?” he asked, laughter creeping into his voice.

“No,” she said honestly and Killian’s eyes snapped up to hers – blue and serious and God he loved her back. “I’m just happy.”

His smile could have stopped traffic in the middle of Times Square. Or Columbus Circle. Or probably lit the flame in the Statue of Liberty.

She was, apparently, chock full of ridiculous sentiment.

“Good,” Killian said softly and Emma was still an inch off the ground, his arm wrapped tightly around her and supporting her weight entirely. There was some sort of deeper meaning there – she wouldn’t have minded trying to find it by kissing him some more. “And you really don’t have to buy a new dress.” “You’re still thinking about the dress?” “I’m thinking about you in a dress, love. They’re decidedly different things.” Emma laughed again, the muscles in her face threatening to tighten from overuse. “And possibly out of a dress,” she mumbled, eyes flashing towards Killian’s in just enough time to see his mouth drop open.

“It’s rude to tease a man like that,” he said, voice low as he muttered the words into her ear, nosing her hair out of the way. She shivered when his lips hit the back of her neck, certain the goosebumps would have given her away even if she hadn’t moved. He laughed at that – drawing out even more goosebumps when his breath hit just behind her ears, making Emma bite her lip tightly and press her toes into her shoes so she wouldn’t start kissing him again.

“It’s not teasing if it’s a promise.” Killian’s eyebrows nearly flew up his forehead, smile inching across his face as he pulled back slightly, staring at her with some akin to wonder in his expression. “That so?”

“You going to kick me out after date number, what would we call this? Four?”

“I have no intention of kicking you out, ever, so, no, not after date four either.” She was absurdly happy.

And the sky hadn’t fallen. And the building hadn’t caved in. And he hadn’t walked away.

He was still there, fingers tracing some sort of pattern across her hip and a smile plastered on his face and Killian loved her back.

“Ever?” Emma said softly and his eyes narrowed at the repeated word, shoulders shifting slightly with the weight of four letters.

“Does that count as pushing?” Killian asked.

Emma shook her head slowly – not entirely certain what she was disagreeing to. “I don’t think so.” “Overwhelming?” “That might be closer to the word I was looking for.” He sighed softly, one side of his mouth pulled up and nodded at her. “A good word.” “Some might even say that this is vaguely important.” “The most.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” And those four letters seemed to settle the batch of nerves Emma couldn’t quite seem to shake. “I love you, Emma. More than I thought I could and certainly faster than I thought was possible. And it’s overwhelming and important and I wouldn’t want it to be any different, because you’re overwhelming and important. The most of both.” She was crying.

She could feel the tears falling down her cheek, salt hitting the side of her lip when Killian didn’t move his thumb fast enough to brush them away. “Swan?” he asked, voice low with concern and that might have made her cry more.

“I’m fine,” Emma said quickly, blinking and shaking her head. “I just...I’m happy.”

Killian nodded, thumb brushing across her cheek and Emma’s whole body clenched at the way his eyes seemed to actually lighten when she spoke.

Happy.

She was so goddamn happy she felt like her entire body was buzzing with emotion.

It might have been.

“Hey,” Emma said suddenly, like she was remembering a very important point she’d entirely forgotten. She had – far too preoccupied with declarations of I love you and kissing and allusions to dresses on and off her body. “What was with those looks before?” “What looks? The ones directed at you? I think we’ve made that fairly clear, don’t you, love?” Emma shook her head, willing herself not to get distracted again by that absolutely ridiculous combination of smirk and blue eyes. “No, no, that’s not what I meant.” He’d added one absurdly arched eyebrow to the mix and that wasn’t playing fair at all. “Before David told M’s about the results and things got all mushy in there, he looked at you. And you nodded. And it was encouraging. That’s the look I’m curious about.” “Mushy?” he repeated and now both eyebrows were up and his eyes were blue and she was absolutely distracted. Killian’s hand reached out, fingers brushing along the curve of her jaw, sending a wave of goosebumps down her spine.

“You know what I mean,” Emma muttered, doing her best to resist the urge to shrug his fingers away and tell him to replace them with his mouth. On her lips. Again. “Did David tell you about the results?”

He sighed softly – and moved his hand away, running it across his face and that wasn’t really what she had in mind at all – taking a step back and his expression changed just a bit. It had been serious the whole time – no one tells someone they love them without being, at least, a little serious – but his eyes seemed to darken just a bit when he looked at her again, nodding slowly, lips pressed together tightly.

“We talked,” Killian said, like that was, somehow, normal.

“When?” “Today.” “And?” “And what?” “And David wouldn’t just tell you about the results as some kind of conversation starter,” Emma argued. “So that means there had to have been more talking. When? And for how long?” “Those are a lot of questions, Swan.” “Ones you’re doing a very good job of avoiding.” He sighed again, but there was a bit of laughter mixed in to and he smiled at her when he looked at her. “You know about Christmas, right?” Emma nodded. “Well, we’ve been talking since Christmas. He really wasn’t a jerk today. It was, actually, almost good. It was fun.” “Fun? With my brother?” “I’m not lying to you, Swan.” “And Henry was there too.” “You’ll remember I told you that I enjoy spending time with Henry.” Her stomach flipped and then twisted into, what felt like, eight very complicated knots. “We had a good time, love, snow notwithstanding.”

“So, David told you about the results? Anything else I should know about that you two are sharing on top-secret soccer outings with my kid?” Killian laughed – and something flashed across his face and Emma was almost certain she missed it, but it was gone before she could try and pick out what exactly it had been. “It wasn’t quite top-secret. Sending text message updates about it seems to cut down on the secret keeping of it all.”

Emma nodded, teeth digging into the side of her tongue. “They’ll probably send a search party out for us soon,” she said, nodding back towards the door and wondering how no one had actually appeared in the hallway demanding their return to the apartment.

“I should probably get back. I think Eric’s starting to count the number of Saturdays I’ve only kind of half-cooked and he’s using them as some sort of blackmail fodder for when him and Ari finally have kids. Like he can use it to force babysitting on me.” “That’s a very involved plan.” “I wouldn’t put it past him.” “Go,” Emma said, nudging her shoulder into his and fighting away the vaguely ridiculous disappointment she felt settle in the pit of her stomach at the word. “God forbid you have to babysit for a baby that hasn’t even been conceived yet.” “I might just go say bye to Henry?” He phrased it like a question and he rocked back on his feet a little bit when he looked back up at her, finger back underneath the hem of her shirt. And it was so absurdly endearing she could hardly think straight.

“Of course. He’d probably send at least eight angry texts if you didn’t.” “At least.” Killian followed her back into the apartment – eyes following them when they walked back into the living room and Emma shook her head deftly in Ruby’s direction, the questions practically falling out of her producer’s open mouth.

He said goodbye to Henry, promises of more soccer in the snow and root beer floats and kissed her softly on the cheek – and Ruth didn’t even try to quiet her very loud, very dramatic gasp at that – squeezing Emma’s hand in his. “You could come by later, if you want,” Killian said, keeping his voice low so as not to attract even more comments from the metaphorical peanut gallery that was her family.

“We’re taking Ruth uptown. Dinner and a whole bunch of touristy things that kind of make my skin crawl, but she likes them and Henry likes them. He’s bringing Violet, you know.” “So I heard.” “He told you that?” “Several times,” Killian laughed. “I think between me and David he’s asked just about every question about twelve-year-old dating he possibly could come up with.” Emma wasn’t quite sure what to do with that information – a mix of something oppressively parental sparking at the idea of her almost-teenage son even thinking about dating and something entirely different and emotional about the same almost-teenage son asking her brother and her boyfriend for dating advice.

“Is that ok?” he asked, picking up on everything she was thinking without a single word.

“Yeah,” Emma answered, a bit breathless and that was just absurd.  “That might be the nicest thing I’ve heard today.” “That’s the nicest thing you’ve heard today?” “Well, the whole I love you thing was pretty good too. A highlight for sure.” Killian laughed loudly, kissing her again. “I’m glad it at least made the highlights.” Her head was spinning – the last half an hour playing on repeat in her mind like she couldn’t quite believe it had actually happened, a far cry from the slightly frustrated TV chefs who had sat in that conference room a few months ago, determined not to spend their next year playing all-star for the network.

God, she was going to have to thank Ruby. And probably Regina.

And she wanted him to come home with her – or, at least, to her.

“You could come over later,” Emma said, enjoying the surprised look on his face at the suggestion. “Like once you’re closed.” “It’ll be late.” “I know, but you’re not very far away. And it’s nice having you there at night.” Killian cocked one eyebrow, eyes crinkling a bit when he smiled. “You want me to stay?”

“I remember something about not kicking out and ever being tossed around earlier,” Emma said. “Unless that was all talk.” “It wasn’t.” “Then come when you’re closed. I’ll still be up.” “I’d like that.” “Go,” she said, all but pushing him towards the door. “Or Eric will kill you. I’ll see you later.” He nodded once again, still smiling as he wrapped his hand around the door knob, swinging it open behind him. “Bye, love.” “Bye.” The door closed loudly and Emma spun around, leaning against the wood and trying to get her bearings. She saw Mary Margaret staring at her from the other side of the living room, a look on her face like she knew exactly what had happened and couldn’t have been more pleased with her ability to get in Emma’s head and make her do things.

Emma twisted her neck forward, reaching around behind her and grabbing the chain she hadn’t taken off in nearly thirteen years, pulling it over her head and staring at the small emblem in her hand – everything she’d refused to allow herself to believe in, every doubt she’d ever had and certainty that nothing would ever be worth it.

Nothing would be enough.

She was an idiot.

And, apparently, prone to melodrama.

And Killian Jones loved her back.

She pushed the chain into her back pocket and everything felt lighter without it hanging around her neck as she walked back into the living room.

[jobsearchtips02]

We read hundreds of pages of emails that Congress collected from the biggest tech companies in the world — here are the most revealing things we found

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos testifies via video conference during a hearing of the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Antitrust, Commercial and Administrative Law on “Online Platforms and Market Power”, in the Rayburn House office Building on Capitol Hill, in Washington, July 29, 2020.

Graeme Jennings | Pool via Reuters

The CEOs of Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Google parent company Alphabet were careful not to say too much as they were grilled by lawmakers on the House Judiciary subcommittee on antitrust last Wednesday. But internal documents released by the committee after the hearing say plenty.

The release is a curated selection of the 1.3 million documents collected by the committee during its more than year-long investigation into competition concerns with the four tech giants. It includes emails and chat logs between executives at the four companies and with those they sought to acquire. It shows industry leaders strategizing ahead of decisions that would become turning points in the legacy of their businesses, like Facebook’s $1 billion acquisition of Instagram or Amazon’s decision to undercut prices for diapers to compete with Diapers.com.

The four companies turned over the documents at the request of the committee. But the huge trove of evidence is likely just a fraction of that which federal and state regulators have been poring over as they decide whether to bring an antitrust case against any of the tech giants. Google appears to be most immediately in danger of such an outcome as The Wall Street Journal reported earlier this year that the Justice Department is gearing up to announce an antitrust case as soon as this summer.

In some cases, regulators may have had these documents before, like when requesting more information on a potential deal. Alicia Batts, a partner in the antitrust and competition practice at Squire Patton Boggs, said it’s not uncommon for “bad documents” to surface in a merger investigation.

“It’s an indication to look deeper but not necessarily an indication you won’t be able to close [the deal],” she said in an interview this week with CNBC. “When you have both documents that show a company is planning to harm competition and the economic data or the economic model support that it’s possible, that’s when the documents are given the most weight.”

CNBC dug through the hundreds of pages released by the House Judiciary Committee last week to find the most revealing details laid bare in the companies’ private correspondences. 

Here are the most notable finds and what they could mean for a potential antitrust case against each company.

Facebook

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg testifies before the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Antitrust, Commercial and Administrative Law on “Online Platforms and Market Power” in the Rayburn House office Building on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC on July 29, 2020.

Mandel Ngan | AFP | Getty Images

What an antitrust case could look like: Experts speculate that an antitrust case against Facebook would center largely around its acquisition strategy and whether it broke merger laws by buying up a nascent competitor or violated anti-monopoly law by taking anti-competitive actions to build or maintain dominance in its market.

Most interesting finds: The most compelling documents released by the committee on Facebook reveal top executives’ thinking behind its acquisition of Instagram, one of the two deals that are now thought to have played a key role in Facebook’s continued growth, along with its acquisition of WhatsApp. Some enforcement advocates, like Columbia Law Professor Tim Wu, believe that had those apps not been acquired at an early stage, they could have grown into formidable competitors against Facebook.

– Facebook executives feared decelerating engagement prior to the Instagram deal: Executives fretted about Facebook’s relatively weak offerings on mobile, where Instagram had built its growing userbase. 

“We have this big issue right now because gaming is shifting from us to mobile platforms,” CEO Mark Zuckerberg wrote in one April 2012 email. “It’s causing all this negative momentum in a bunch of ways around gamer overall user engagement, ad spend from gamers, overall revenue, etc.” 

– Facebook executives appeared threatened by Instagram’s growth in 2012: Zuckerberg acknowledged the threat posed by Instagram in conversations with his deputies. In February 2012, Zuckerberg wrote in an email to his then-CFO David Ebersman he was considering how much Facebook should be “willing to pay to acquire mobile app companies like Instagram and Path that are building networks that are competitive with our own.” He said that while those competitors have small teams, they have shown fast growth and even if they don’t want to sell, a high enough price may change their minds. 

“The businesses are nascent but the networks are established, the brands are already meaningful and if they grow to a large scale they could be disruptive to us,” Zuckerberg wrote.

 In April 2012, he told one employee in an email, “Instagram can hurt us meaningfully without becoming a huge business though. For the others, if they become big we’ll just regret not doing them.” 

– Instagram co-founder Kevin Systrom feared Zuckerberg entering “destroy mode” if he didn’t sell: As Zuckerberg began to court Instagram for a potential deal, Systrom messaged one of his investors, Benchmark Partner Matt Cohler, in February 2012 for advice on how to politely rebuff an offer. Systrom seemed adamant in wanting to stay independent to see how far he could take Instagram on his own. But he wanted Cohler’s advice on whether Zuckerberg would “go into destroy mode” if he rejected an offer. 

“[P]robably,” Cohler responded, “(and probably if we just don’t engage at all).”

As they strategized the best response, Systrom acknowledged, “bottom line I don’t think we’ll ever escape the wrath of mark haha”

Later on, messages between Systrom and Zuckerberg leading up to their agreement to merge shed light on what Instagram had to fear if they were to go it alone.

“Of course, at the same time we’re developing our own photos strategy,” Zuckerberg wrote, “so how we engage now will also determine how much we’re partners vs competitors down the line.”

What it could mean for a potential antitrust case: Even if regulators believe Facebook executives were afraid of the potential rise of Instagram and WhatsApp, it may not be enough to accuse them of violating merger law. To prove that Facebook violated Section 7 of the Clayton Act through those acquisitions, the FTC may have to prove not only that Instagram and WhatsApp were capable of growing into competitors to Facebook on their own, but also that they were one of the very few firms that were committed to getting into Facebook’s market and capable of doing so.

“What that means is, if at the time of the acquisition it looks as if Instagram was just one of many nascent folks nibbling at the heels of Facebook, the case law makes it very hard for the government to block that kind of an acquisition,” said Bill Baer, a visiting fellow at the Brookings Institution who formerly led the FTC’s Bureau of Competition and DOJ Antitrust Division during Democratic administrations.

A Facebook spokesperson confirmed Wednesday that the company had submitted the documents included in the Judiciary Committee file in its disclosure to the FTC in 2012 when the agency reviewed Facebook’s proposed acquisition of Instagram. That indicates the FTC determined at the time that those statements did not preclude the merger when weighed against economic models predicting the companies’ future success.

But looking back is often easier than looking forward. Showing a pattern of anti-competitive acquisitions or other behavior could potentially help build a case against Facebook under Section 2 of the Sherman Act, the anti-monopoly law, or Section 5 of the FTC Act, which grants what some believe to be broader power to the regulator.

Section 5 empowers the FTC to prevent companies from engaging in “unfair methods of competition in or affecting commerce and unfair or deceptive acts or practices in or affecting commerce.”

“When you’re talking about Section 5, it’s not just [the] Sherman and Clayton Act, but it’s kind of the spirit of the antitrust laws,” said Batts, the Squire Patton Boggs partner.

This could also be an issue the House Judiciary Committee tackles with its legislative proposals expected to follow the conclusion of its probe. Lawmakers may determine the bar is too high to decide a deal is anti-competitive and adjust the language to make it easier for authorities to bring a case on such grounds. 

Facebook did not provide a comment on the documents.

Amazon

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos testifies before the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Antitrust, Commercial and Administrative Law hearing on “Online Platforms and Market Power” in the Rayburn House office Building on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC on July 29, 2020.

Mandel Ngan | AFP | Getty Images

What an antitrust case could look like: An antitrust case for Amazon may resemble the line of thinking Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., offered in her presidential campaign platform on breaking up Big Tech. Warren argued large tech companies designated as “Platform Utilities” should not be able to control and participate on their own platforms. The FTC has been talking to third-party sellers on Amazon’s platform, according to Bloomberg, following concerns that Amazon undercuts sellers on its marketplace.

A recent Wall Street Journal investigation found that Amazon employees had used internal data to inform their private-label brand strategy and compete with other sellers. Though the employees reportedly used aggregated reports combining multiple sellers’ performance, they sometimes contained as few as two sellers, making it easy to extrapolate a single seller’s data. Amazon has said it was launching an internal investigation into the allegations by the Journal, but said it didn’t believe the claims to be true.

Most Interesting finds: Amazon’s internal emails mostly shed light on the company’s acquisition mindset and pricing strategy to compete with Diapers.com before it acquired its parents company.

– Amazon undercut Diapers.com’s prices before buying it: A top executive, then-vice president of worldwide corporate development Douglas Booms, identified Diapers.com as Amazon’s “#1 short term competitor” in a 2009 email. “As I’ve mentioned to each of you, I think, we need to match pricing on these guys no matter what the cost,” Booms wrote.

Over the next year, Amazon began operating its diaper business at a loss, a profit and loss statement shows, offset by other segments of the baby business. 

Once executives learned Diapers.com’s parent company, Quidsi, was planning to launch a new vertical, Soap.com, executives crafted a plan to keep it at bay.

“We have already initiated a more aggressive ‘plan to win’ against diapers.com in the diaper/baby space, which includes market leading pricing on diapers (“double your SNS discount to 30% off diapers and wipes”), a free PRIME offering for new Moms, and a structured and marketed ‘Amazon Mom” program,'” said Doug Herrington, then-VP of consumables at Amazon. “To the extent this plan undercuts the core diapers business for diapers.com, it will slow the adoption of soap.com.”

Amazon announced in 2010 its move to buy Quidsi in a reported $545 million deal, only to shut down the business in 2017 after Amazon said it failed to become profitable.

– Bezos planned to buy “market position – not technology” with Amazon’s Ring acquisition: CEO Jeff Bezos acknowledged in an email to executives in 2017 that he wanted to buy doorbell security camera system Ring to solidify market position. 

“To be clear, my view here is that we’re buying market position – not technology,” Bezos wrote. “And that market position and momentum is very valuable.” 

What it could mean for a potential antitrust case: Regulators could use the Diapers.com documents to argue that Amazon engaged in predatory pricing to eliminate a competitor. But doing so is not as easy as showing it discounted goods below its costs, which is a standard competitive practice in some cases and could be considered beneficial for consumers if it results in sustained lower prices.

The FTC says on its website that while prices can at times be “too low,” this doesn’t happen often.

“Consumers are harmed only if below-cost pricing allows a dominant competitor to knock its rivals out of the market and then raise prices to above-market levels for a substantial time,” the agency says. “A firm’s independent decision to reduce prices to a level below its own costs does not necessarily injure competition, and, in fact, may simply reflect particularly vigorous competition.”

Baer, the former federal antitrust enforcer, said laws prohibiting predatory pricing are not meant to discourage price competition. But discounting could lend way to anti-competitive practices when a firm later has the ability to raise prices after eliminating its rival.  

“If you are pricing below an appropriate measure of your cost for the purpose of injuring a competitor and you have the ability to recoup those losses once your competitor is out of business or retreats from its discounting practices, that is potentially an antitrust violation,” Baer said.

Still, the documents released by the committee so far don’t shed much light on what could become the true focus of an antitrust investigation: how Amazon competes with sellers on its platform. That doesn’t mean those documents don’t exist, though, or that regulators aren’t learning more about those relationships in their interviews with competitors and insiders.

Amazon did not respond to a request for comment.

Apple 

What an antitrust case could look like: The antitrust theory against Apple centers on its control of the App Store. While iPhones are prevalent throughout the U.S., Apple only ranks third in worldwide market share for smartphones at 13.3%, according to IDC, while the market leader Samsung holds a 21.2% share.

A potential case against Apple could look similar to one against Amazon, focusing on the fact that it both owns a marketplace (the App Store) and has its own pre-loaded apps like Apple Music and Apple Podcasts that compete with other apps on its platform, like Spotify.

Some developers who offer their apps through the App Store — the only way Apple allows for apps to be added to users’ devices — have complained about Apple’s opaque and sometimes seemingly arbitrary process for accepting new apps.

Most recently, the founders of Basecamp complained that Apple unfairly rejected their new email app, Hey. Apple had originally claimed it did not meet standards in an early version because it did not offer a way for users to make an account through the app, which would require the developers to give Apple a 30% cut of iOS sign-ups in the first year. An updated version of the app was later approved.

Spotify has been among the most vocal opponents of what it’s dubbed the “Apple Tax,” the 15% to 30% cut Apple takes for payments processed through apps offered on the App Store. Apple claims the commission covers the cost of running the App Store, but developers have complained that the cost can be prohibitively high and Apple does not provide alternative payment methods. The European Commission recently announced two antitrust probes into Apple’s App Store and Apple Pay.

Most Interesting finds: The documents released paint a picture that Apple’s rules around its App Store may not be as rigid as the company has repeatedly insisted they are.

– Apple executives discussed exceptions to how it applied its App Store rules: Faced with criticism over its opaque enforcement of App Store rules, Apple has publicly stated that it approaches enforcement consistently. 

“We apply the rules to all developers evenly,” CEO Tim Cook testified at the antitrust subcommittee hearing last week. 

But internal emails released by the Judiciary Committee show that Apple has at times loosened its rules for some developers. In 2016, for example, Apple senior vice president Eddy Cue told Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos in an email that Apple had agreed to taking only a 15% cut of revenue for customers who sign up for Amazon Prime Video in their iOS app and no cut for already-subscribed customers. 

Although it’s unclear from the emails what terms the companies ended up acting on, Cue’s promise is different from what Apple typically says it charges developers: a 30% cut of in-app purchase revenue in the first year and 15% every year after for recurring subscriptions.

– Apple’s evolving stance on parental control apps frustrated developers, including big brands like T-Mobile: Several emails included in the release revolve around developers and customers complaining about Apple’s enforcement of rules for parental control apps. Apple cracked down on several such apps last year, as The New York Times reported, coinciding with the announcement of Apple’s own feature to track screen time. Apple said at the time the removal of the apps was based on the discovery that they could gain too much access to information on users’ devices and it was unrelated to the screen time feature launch. In an email responding to a concerned user, Apple’s App Store boss Phil Schiller said the technology used to control devices “is not intended to enable a developer to have access to and control over consumers’ data and devices, but the apps we removed from the store did just that.”

Back in 2018, then-T-Mobile COO Mike Sievert emailed Schiller complaining about its FamilyMode app being removed from the App Store after back and forth with Apple about getting it into compliance. Schiller ended up offering to reinstate the app on the platform for two weeks while T-Mobile worked to remedy the alleged violations.

Apple later loosened its restrictions on parental control apps, causing further frustration for some. One developer complained to Apple executives they had spent $30,000 to retool their parental control app with the guidance of Apple employees only to later find the rule was changed, presumably in such a way that it would not have had to make that investment. Responses from Apple executives to the developer were not included in the documents released.

– Even some Apple employees seemed confused by the company’s policies: In a couple emails, Apple executives seemed unclear on the company’s rules or at least acknowledged the ambiguity around its policies.

Emails between PR executives in 2019 showed those tasked with communicating Apple’s views on right to repair legislation were unclear on the company’s stance. The proposals aimed to make it easier for consumers and third-parties to find and offer repair services outside of the manufacturer.

“Right now, it’s pretty clear things are happening in a vacuum and there is not an overall strategy,” then-director of corporate communications Lori Lodes wrote in a 2019 email. “Plus, with one hand we are making these changes and the other is actively fighting Right to Repair legislation moving in 20 states without real coordination for how updated policies could be used to leverage our position.”

In another instance, then-senior product manager for AR and VR Cameron Rogers told Schiller in a 2019 email that it was unclear to him and others within Apple why a particular gaming app was not included on the App Store.

“It still isn’t obvious to people inside the company that work directly on the App Store. I think few people understand the subtleties of the rules as well as you do,” Rogers wrote.

– Executives sought to draw a distinction between Google and Apple in arguing it should not be a target of Warren’s push to break up Big Tech: Top PR officials at Apple sought to separate their brand from Google’s as they discussed how best to respond to Warren’s platform of breaking up Big Tech.

Apple’s former VP of Communications Steve Dowling wrote to his team last year that arguments against Warren’s platform should seek to show Apple is not a monopolist “that’s shown by market share” and emphasize, “How do we handle competition with our own apps? We don’t do things like pushing down results, etc., as Google (one of her real targets) has.” The charge seems to refer to allegations that Google prioritizes its own features in search results or stacks ads at the top of the page. Google has denied unfairly disadvantaging websites in its search product.

What it could mean for a potential antitrust case: Regulators could seek to prove that Apple applies its App Store rules disproportionately to disadvantage rivals. However, they’d likely need to make a credible case that Apple’s decisions are fueled at least in part by an attempt to preference its own services, rather than consumer protection issues it claims to champion. Still, if regulators can show Apple inconsistently applied its rules across developers and made better terms for some for its own business reasons, it could face serious scrutiny.

Apple did not provide a comment on the emails.

Google

Sundar Pichai

Source: CNBC

What an antitrust case could look like: Google’s sprawling business has attracted antitrust scrutiny on multiple fronts. Regulators have looked into Google’s search business, online advertising platform and Android mobile operating system. Here’s what they might be looking for in each:

– Search:  Vertical search competitors like Yelp and TripAdvisor, which offer search engines for specific purposes like local businesses or travel, have complained for years that Google prioritizes its own services over their own, like by offering its own competing services above theirs in relevant Google search results.

The FTC has investigated Google’s search practices in the past and in 2013, its commissioners unanimously voted to close the investigation. An internal report later obtained by the Journal showed that FTC staff had recommended bringing a case against Google on multiple grounds, though they recommended against a lawsuit over allegations Google favored its own vertical search features over competitors’ even though staff said its actions resulted in “significant harm” to rivals.

– Advertising: Google’s advertising business has attracted scrutiny over a variety of concerns that essentially boil down to the question of whether Google’s expansive control over the digital media supply chain allows other companies to compete. While Google has competitors across many functions of the advertising marketplace, it operates in both the buy-side and sell-side of transactions, leading to some questions about whether it remains objective about where it routes advertising dollars. Competitors also argue that Google’s prices are hard to match because it bundles its ad tools. And on YouTube, Google eliminated the ability to buy ads through third-party services, funneling all spend through its own tools.

– Android: Finally, with its Android mobile operating system, Google requires device manufacturers who use its platform to pre-install its app store and other native apps like Gmail and its Chrome web browser. The European Commission required Google to stop bundling its apps on Android phones and allow allow EU users to select their default search engine after fining the company $5 billion over alleged antitrust abuse.

Most Interesting finds: The internal emails released show how Google executives considered the ways they could position various aspects of the business to become most integral to their users’ lives.

– Executives recognized threats from social media platforms and vertical search competitors and aimed to draw users to their own offerings: The documents show Google’s fixation on being the leader in search. In a report about how the company would stay ahead in search in 2007, Google said it should “Turn having the largest user base into an unfair advantage by building out tech that improves linearly with user base size.” 

The report recognized MySpace “as the clear leader” in people search and social networking at the time. It noted that sites like MySpace and YouTube “will ultimately represent a threat to our search business as people will spend more time on those sites and ultimately may do most searches from the search boxes available there. They aren’t direct competitors, but they may displace us in end-user time tradeoff.”

“In the future, we do not want users [to] ‘myspace’ people for more information. Google should host all information about a person, including myspace info,” the report later states.

In 2012, executives discussed their strategy around vertical search, where competitors like Yelp and Booking.com had taken hold. Jeff Huber, a senior vice president who led location services and commerce at the time, explained in an email why he believed it was important to have a presence in verticals like travel and shopping.

“[I]f we don’t have experiences in these areas that are compelling compared to increasingly concentrated branded alternatives, we risk losing relevance overall (e.g., Amazon is increasingly becoming the place you search for things and Google is the place you search for information).”

Still, then-SVP of Knowledge Alan Eustace warned, “I don’t think we want to fight amazon on their turf by building and branding a single purpose experience by a separate team. The same goes for Yelp and Local.” Instead, he advocated for an interface that works across several verticals.

– Executives saw a potential deal with YouTube as a way to prevent Yahoo from buying it: As Google executives pondered whether to buy YouTube, one key consideration appeared to be thwarting Yahoo from snatching up the video service.

Huber, the SVP of geo and commerce at the time, wrote in a 2005 email, “I think we should talk to them, if nothing else to make it more expensive for Yahoo. They’ll also eventually need a monetization/ads model, so we should use ours instead of anything from Yahoo (if they don’t go acquisition soon, and we maintain reasonable relations with them).”

Still, then-Group Product Manager Peter Chane wrote that there would be plenty of other acquisition targets for Yahoo to aim for. 

“[I]f we pick them up it would be defensive vs yahoo but there are 20 more sites like this that yahoo could go and buy,” he wrote at the time.

Google ended up buying YouTube in 2006 for $1.65 billion after U.S. antitrust regulators reviewed and cleared the deal.

What it could mean for a potential antitrust case: Like the documents released for the other companies, it is hard to point to any email as a smoking gun. But if regulators were to build an antitrust case against Google, documents like these could be used to show patterns in Google’s competitive strategy, like buying a company to prevent a rival from doing it first or building and prioritizing native tools on its search engine platform to keep users from clicking away to competitors’ websites.

Google did not provide a comment on the emails, but a spokesperson downplayed the company’s dominance in search, saying Amazon gets more searches for consumer products than Google does, for example.

-CNBC’s Jessica Bursztynsky, Michelle Gao and J.R. Reed contributed to this report.

Subscribe to CNBC on YouTube.

WATCH: How US antitrust law works, and what it means for Big Tech

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from Job Search Tips https://jobsearchtips.net/we-read-hundreds-of-pages-of-emails-that-congress-collected-from-the-biggest-tech-companies-in-the-world-here-are-the-most-revealing-things-we-found/

[eurizephale]

Army Wife's Letter for everyone

Dear Admin,

I hope this message finds you well.

I am an army wife who's happily married for a decade. I met my husband through text messaging way back 2002. That was the IN thing then. He was introduced to me by a fellow co-worker. Our relationship blossomed from mere text mates to friends to an item to lovers and finally a couple after four short years of getting to know each other's strengths and weaknesses.

Our married life was full of happiness and a quart of loneliness. Like any other couple, we too underwent financial instability and other unforeseen challenges.

Somehow, we survived the test of time. We built our own house, purchased a car and slowly recovered our financial losses. We have been a model couple- no third party and money is not an issue.

Everything was on the right track as I've thought. He got to see me every month, we talked every day thru video calling and our sex life despite us at our 40's is great. We got better with age like wine. We dated and traveled to places most of the time.

Because of the recent national crisis, his team was moved to Mindanao last year. His immediate and untimely transfer gave me some chills as anything bad can happen and for heaven's sake, I do not want to lose my husband. Every day was a struggle for me. We kept our lines open and communicated as often as we can. I visited him once in a while as I have the luxury of time. In one of my visits, I slowly felt his coldness. The guy I met 15 years ago had steadily transformed into someone I could not imagine. He was hot headed and we argued over the pettiest of things. He started to shout at me and insulted my being. I let it pass and convinced myself that maybe he's too pressured at work as he always told me that he is busy. I was a trusting and submissive wife. Days went on and I have to make 5 or more miscalls for me to get his attention. He will not automatically call back and if he does his first word would be "WHAT?" and there goes his rant, "if I can't pick up, that means I'm busy, what makes that hard to understand?" I would hold my tears and ask " What's wrong with you? Why do you feel annoyed with my actions? Is there someone new? He would answer back, " You're so dramatic and pathetic. If you don't stop, I will be forced to end this call".. and yes he often did that, cut the phone off every time I reprimanded him. He would turn his phone off the whole night but I could see him online. I would chat him but all I get was a "seen zoned" mode. No replies, no acknowledgment. I got tired of the situation but always reached out to settle things. I made out excuses, like me not feeling well, that I feel sick and his reaction was dry, " go to the hospital, I'm not a doctor". I confronted him and asked what went wrong. He would only tell me to stop being paranoid. I would explain how I feel about the situation and he would only reply with a grim and rolling eye.

I promised myself not to initiate a call or text. Damn, I am slowly killing myself, I can't stand a day without hearing his voice. I tried to ignore him, kept myself busy at work, rendered over time hours for most days so I would go home worn out. How can he be so insensitive to my feelings? How can he stand to ignore me? How can he last a day without even saying "Hi" to me? How I wish I could do the same but I can not. I wanted to believe that our marriage is strong, un-waivable but the other side of my brain told me otherwise. I asked myself, what have I done wrong? I am bewildered of whys? and whys? and whys? My nights were full of cries and nightmares. Deep in me, I know that I can not live without him. He was my best friend, my partner, my hero for the past 15 years. I always planned to grow old with him. I patiently extended my understanding of the situation and crazily texted him every now and then to ask if he had break fast, lunch, or dinner. I would always expect the three little word answer "yes" with no complimentary reply if I too had my lunch. The used to be endearments was long gone and he will only treat me nice and sweet if he wanted a new pair of expensive Nike shoes. The way we made love subsided to the nth level of dullness. He was emotionless, in a hurry and boring. I admit faking every moan I made to fool myself that my husband still loved to copulate with me. Once he's done, I could immediately hear him snore. No more bedroom talks, It was all for compliance. I wanted to lay down my head on his chest but I could feel him moving and stretching, indicating that he abhorred the idea. I pretended to be asleep and steadily moved to my side with tears in my eyes. I checked his phone and he secured it with a new password. I am totally devastated. I asked him for the password and he denied my request. According to him, I am intruding his privacy and that he does not check my phone logs too. This made me furious and hysterical. It was one of those days when confrontations were physical. He squeezed my arm and almost hit me in my face. I was shocked to see his response, this was not the guy I married. I calmed down, he hugged me, apologized and assured me that everything's okay.

Came June 10, I checked his pay and there was a difference of 5,000PHP/cut off compared to his last pay. I sent him a message and answered that he applied for a loan. "Since when did you keep things from me?" I asked. His sarcasm was too heavy to take. "It's my pay, I worked for it, I have the discretion to do anything I want. You are just my wife, it is not stated in our marriage vows that I have to surrender my pay to you. You wait and make use of what I provide. If you have a problem with that, then you can always complain to G1." I was dumbfounded. He was right, I AM JUST A WIFE, JUST A WIFE.

I immediately filed my VL and flew to Davao the following day without him knowing. I went straight to his office and he was out. I headed to his room and found a cell phone in his bed. I scrolled down and my heart can't believe what my mind was reading. The phone was exclusively for his mistress. The sweet exchanges of messages shrank my being. I felt betrayed, insulted, and belittled. The next thing I knew I was yelping and his First Sergeant went in to check. He can't confirm nor deny that my husband is having an illicit affair.

I brought the phone with me and cried a thousand river while reading their coquettishness. They met in one of their "socials" last February, messaged each other on Facebook and started dating. The weekend movie dates and the lavishness of the girl's Burger King and SnR pizza cravings were all granted. My husband was crazy about her-that was very apparent. He checked on the girl every hour and made sure she ate and rested well. I was so jealous and angry. The last line that drew me back was this. "I'm willing to give up my family for you, please give me more time." They went for an overnight stay in Siargao last week of April marking their monthsarry. I searched for her Facebook account using the phone number and there was one picture taken in Kaputian, Samal where you can see twisted hands around the girl's waistline showing off a Fossil watch, with a caption "you can't resist me, Babe! a happy second month with you. Promise, No regrets. Salamat sa gift of time". I knew it was his hand plaited around her, I can see the traces of our wedding ring on his right ring finger. Now I know where all this loan went to. I started recalling where I was on this date, I recalled and recalled when my phone rang. It's him plainly calm while I was shouting on the other line. He went to see me in the hotel and for the first time, I slapped him with all my might. The clash was non-responsive, he allowed me to smack and spank him until I lost all my strength. I asked him a million times why? "Why did you do this? Am I not enough? Did I ever fail you?" His only reply was, "I'm sorry, I fall out of love. This is not about you, it is about me falling for someone else. This was unexpected, I was happy with you but she made me happier." My voice echoed in the room. " I trusted you, loved you and you betrayed me,". He never said another word. I begged for him to choose me over her. I was willing to forgive him, start anew but he left. He was determined to be with the girl. I was hopeful that whole night that he will think things over and come back to me. I was wrong.

I cried the whole night in the shower room with the flowing water cleansing my eyes until I cried no more. My tears gave up. I stood up in the mirror, talked to myself and again and again asked myself why? There I saw the woman who was not the same 15 years ago. I realized that this marriage had its toll on me. I see wrinkles in my forehead, eye bags puffing and sunken eyes. My breasts are sagging because a baby once milked on them. I grew multiple curves through the years and I had to wear full undies to protect my C-section line. My legs and thighs are not pretty anymore. The once voluptuous me is now gawky. I have taken myself for granted and was confident that my husband will love me forever. I pity myself for allowing this to happen. I was too busy attending to his needs and made my self a third priority. All our married life it was all about his wants and I forgot to look at myself in the mirror. My greatest enemy all the while was myself because I let this happened. I allowed being fooled. I refused to make myself happy by indulging into my kikayness because he was always the priority. I cried over and over again. I can't even remember when was the last time I've done my do at David's. I checked the profile picture of the girl and got insecure. She's young, pretty, slim and must be a performer in bed while I am wrinkled, stout and unvaried. I sure pity myself, I don't see my sexy self anymore. I don't want to blame my husband but yes he is an asshole.

That was the longest night of my life. I was confused, how am I to face a new life without him? How can I explain to our child that his father is leaving us? how should I explain to society that it just didn't work? I called my husband begged him again that we can start all over but he was firm. Again, he dropped the phone right in my face. There was no more love, there was no more respect. We had a closure. We agreed that he will support our child financially. I still have his ATM.

The scenario ate me whole. I can't imagine that this is happening. All our memories flashed back. A once happy family is now broken. I flew back to Manila the next day and I can't control my tears from falling at the check in counter even on the plane. When I reached home I hugged my child so tight and tears welled again. I knew this time it's going to be "US" alone to battle life's challenges. I slowly picked up the pieces, treated myself with a total make over, got my long hair trimmed and colored. It felt good to love yourself again. I am more inspired to work and earn for my unico hijo.

I have not communicated with my husband anymore and never attempted to because I fear to be rejected again. I used to stalk the FB account of the girl to know their whereabouts but eventually stopped because it's not doing me any good. I can not move on If I keep stalking them. I have accepted the fact that in life bad things come when they come. I'm back to the gym and go out with friends once in a while. I likewise deactivated my real Facebook account and maybe give it three months or more to hibernate until it hurts no more. I acknowledge that I have not fully recovered yet from the pain but moving on is my ultimate goal. Friends introduced me to other men, but I declined to cross the border. I need to be picky this time. I don't need a man to fulfill a happier life and a gleeful me.

I am looking forward to my husband to file an annulment case. At times, I wish for his death but the idea will also haunt me. After all, he is still the father of my child. I'm so glad that Congress is prioritizing the passing of the Marriage Dissolution Bill at least the process wouldn't be as tedious as an annulment. Honestly, I do not see myself growing old with him anymore, I had enough sufferings. In God's perfect time I may able to forgive him but having him in life again is an ordeal. I know that it is only thru forgiveness that I will have a total peace of mind but this one is easier to say than done.

To all legal wives out there, thank you for taking the time to read. Our principles may differ, some of us may want to fight for our husband but some may choose my way. Take time to love and pamper your selves more. Not all soldiers are like my ex-husband but you should not be too trusting. GodSpeed.

[varunamatya]

A Plot: "Tragic Dream Story"

This takes place in America. 
(The end scene before I wake up) 
I'm walking away because of this older white dude. Who wouldn't allow me to give her, her long golden chain earrings. So I give it to the older man angrily. Cussing at him. 


As I walk away there is an explosion. The old man is incinerated. She was right next to him. She gets pushed away from the explosion. I see the chains flying off in the settled and not so cold snow.


I grab the golden chain earring and run towards her. There is David Cumberbatch attending to her. He leaves after I'm there. 
(I carry her and try to walk away from the chaotic scene. She's bleeding on the right side of her stomach.) 


She asks, "is this really happening?" I'm trying to live with you and saying that she passes away. 
(And then I wake up) 

(Now The full story from here the beginning) 
I am at a concert in America. I'm standing where the supporters of Shotty Horroh (Battle Rapper from Manchester) are standing. Shotty Horroh makes entrance. High fiving everyone. I'm the second one to receive high five as he walks past. He high fives two more and then begins singing and Rapping. 
We are all hooting for Shotty Horroh

A group of crowd has formed a dancing group. I'm in it too. 
I see a girl, wearing a black leather jacket. We're trying to hit the conversation going. I'm wearing power glasses and look like a student with some metal t-shirt and hoodie with Iron Maiden print on it. 

This girl says you don't fit the crowd, what do you do? I prepare myself to blast a numerous things to tell her about what I do. 

I ask her "are you ready?"

She says "don't tell me."

I respond, "I should say, figure it out" 
She gives a gentle laugh. 

We have clicked as friend, already. We are dancing to the song. Her friends gather near her. She says "I will hang with my friends, some moment please. 
I gently give her space and step back to the crowd nearby where others are also dancing to the beat of some alternative song. She has decided to leave the place where we are currently, which is taking place in an open outdoor area. The weather is chilled and the time is about; when the sun is near to set. 

As she walk away looking backwards at me. I hear Shotty Horroh singing "Last Resort" by Paparoach. The crowd has gone wild and so I also want to jam my ass off while singing along. 
I move closer to the crowd and dance metal style (jumping, metal hand signs) 

I look at her she is leaving. I take a look back, she is about to leave. I follow her. 

Just next to this party. There is another party going on where people are just simging on a mic and it seems anyone can join. We walk through the crowd to go closer and see. And suddenly; before I know. I find myself so close to the mic area where there is a band of musicians with their instruments next to the mic.  She tries to sing and I make up hum sounds and La la la la's  and sing along with her. We are doing great until another girl comes to the mic before us and sings her own stuff. I feel offended that she has ruined my friends moment. I feel for this girl, whom I just met as a close friend. 


I ask the girl in front us, to not to ruin my friend's moment. The second girl says "beat me in signing" so I go to her mic. The music is playing. And we are making up our own songs, while singing one sentence at a time. 
The second girl wants to leave singing. Maybe I've beaten her or maybe she had enough.  Another guy steps in her place. We have gone in metal mode of singing challenge. When it was about to get intense. Two cops show up and handcuffs this guy and me and this another dude. They start walking us to the station. The police leads, we are walking down the road. He is holding one end of the handcuff and the other end is cuffed to my right hand where I see myself wearing grey gloves. 
I ask the police. What was the word we spoke that ended us up in handcuffs. The police guy responds "metal music is banned in America" 
I say " I didn't know", "it's my first time in America" "is there anyway sir, you could; please, let me go" 


While we are all walking down the road. The other guy and the police leading him are walking in front of me and some people from the crowd where we were previously having singing challenge; has come and joined the walk to go till station to see if we're alright. 
The police leading me, loosens my cuff which slides off easily through my gloves and I run backwards up the hill. 
I return back where my friends are. It's a different area than, where we were before. 

I reach a place where friends and some people are chilling in front of a house. I know some of them. Music jam is happening. We leave after sometime and find ourselves is this same open area where music festival is happening. I meet one more girl. Her name is "E." She is an old friend from where I used to work. She used to be simple, back then. But now, she too, has turned into metal music lover type. Has a white t-shirt with black jeans and black leather jacket on. 
She asks " how are you?" I replied "I'm good" 

Then she ask "why didn't you post any pictures on social media" 

I begin to think to myself ("playing ghost makes an impact and keeps them wondering") Hmmm (it's a wonderful strategy, must apply it more often) 
Little further, I noticed her boyfriend on the rooftop of a one floor small building which has a bar, underneath the building. I see him playing the drums with a group band. 

I told E, "your boyfriend is looking at us, so I'll leave."

She smiles. 

I make my exit from E's sight and catch up to my friends, nearby, we walk around. And come to find myself close to this same building where the bar was located. From outside, through the window pane, from where I see E, making-out with her boyfriend, but didn't seem like a passionate one.  I try not to look. Then I look again and see her dancing metal style with her leather jacket, off. 
I think to myself, this girl has changed so much. 
Just 10 steps away from me, there is a glass door with metal frames to enter and exit the bar. 

E, comes outside of that bar place. Outside, where I already am, the outside of the bar also has a different section of the music festival. There is music everywhere and a different crowd everywhere for different music section. Kind of like Rave style of festival, where different music is being played next to each other after a certain distance not to cancel out each other's music and disturb.  I hear some chilled tango going on. E is dancing outside too, I walk forward towards E and dance in front of her. The music changes to more tempo filled salsa which was of romantic type. We hold each other's hands and dance in a mixed bold dance and salsa,  to the best of salsa. The dancing platform is a wooden area which starts flat at first, after a certain point it inclines upwards and again it continues as a flat surface but at a certain height, which is connected to supported beams. We're dancing exactly on the inclined surface, carefully, not letting her fall.  

We're dance towards up the incline wooden platform and before reaching the top of the platform, E feels scared and we slide down, every now and again. I carry her weight on me and don't let her fall. 

There is one couple dancing below the incline surface where it starts to become flat again and one couple above us, where the incline ends and becomes flat again moving away from me. 
On one of the the slide down part, while dancing. We both slip and crash into the couples dancing below. We all fall, off the wooden surface and on the the grassy area. 

Their shoes have come off when we crashed into each other. I apologize many times, while picking up their shoes and hand it to them. E also helped me to gather, both their shoes.Of which, the girl was wearing red high heels and the guy had black leather shoes. 

At the same time, I noticed E's golden earring, shaped like a long chain and had a round solid gold hanging at the end of the chain type earrings; had fallen out of her pocket. I  picked them up and we walk away, as if to leave. 

As we make our exit from this crowded area. At the outer side of the crowd watching the dance, there was an older man sitting on a chair, dressed formal but with badges like an officer of police or army. 

As i was about to hand over the earrings to E. This white Canadian older man. Who didn't like my presence near E, seemed  like he doesn't trust me near E. 

Maybe because we fell while dancing and also made one more couple to fall. Or maybe it was my metallic attire prints on my hoodie, he didn't happen to like because he judged the way I was dressed.  

He matched the appearance to be of that of a high class status people from the he was dressed. This man, E and me. We were all in a close perimeter of eachother.  I tell the man. Okay, you hand it to her. And walk away to give space. Assuming he'll hand it over to E and E will follow me. 
As I walk away cussing cussing at this man on a talking to self manner. 
Behind me, I hear a small explosion. And look at immediately. In an instance 
I noticed the man is not there anymore. Must've been incinerated by the blast. She was a bit next to him. The blast happened behind the man and must've blocked most of the blast protecting E. 

She got pushed away from the explosion. I see the golden chains flying off in the settled and not so cold snow. (This area had not been cleared of snow, as it was further and near the end of the crowd sitting or standing area)
I run towards where the golden chain earring flew off to and run towards E. There is David Cumberbatch attending to her. He leaves after I reach to her.


(I carry her and try to walk away from the chaotic scene. She's bleeding on the right side of the stomach and there's blood all over her) 
She asks herself, out loud. Is this really happening? Looks at me and tells me, I'm trying to live my life with you, (saying that she passes away).


I came to realize, while we danced she had changed to a different thought towards me and wanted to take a chance with me. 
I'm left with this thought and feeling, stunned and emotionless. E has passed away and I'm left staring at the sky 
(And then i woke up, find myself on my bed, in Kathmandu) (What a dream!!!) 

[apsbicepstraining]

Bradley Wright-Phillips’ brand-new evidence; and Frank Lampard hems into relevance

Plus: the Rapids triumphing move dissolves hurriedly; Torontos better is back to his best; and Jason Kreiss triumphant return

A record-setting darknes started in atypical pattern for Bradley Wright-Phillips.

The Red Bulls striker expended most of the parallel in solitude, unable to get a clear touch in a dangerous situate, thanks in part to a choking Chicago Fire defense. But as has been the case since he joined the team in 2013, a bit of room was all he needed to show his form.

And on Sunday, it served to break records.

Wright-Phillips extra-time equalizer was his 63 rd as a Red Bull player, putting him past Juan Pablo Angel as the all-time dealership destination scoring leader.

Of course, I wont lie I like to break records, right holders of MLSs single-season goal scoring record said after the competitor. I try not to think about it, but when you say these kind of things, it obligates me proud.

A streaky striker by nature, Wright-Phillips has once again were beginning to warm up, scoring three goals in his last two pairs, break-dance the double digit goalscoring threshold for the third season in a row. But regardless of Sundays record, it is the nature of his latest point that has Red Bulls boss Jesse Marsch excited.

Ive been defying him to see more gamblings belatedly in video games. They did a good job of being hard on him. Every team we play knows Bradley is important. They focus in on him and Sacha, and Brad still manages to find ways to get objectives, Marsch said.

As good as Brad is, we are trying to encourage him to have a cut-throat attitude, that even if he doesnt have a lot of contacts in the game, he exactly necessity one to make a difference.

On Sunday, thats all it took for the Red Bulls to salvage a time from near cataclysm in the unfriendly confines of Toyota Park. I set a lot of work into what I do, Wright-Phillips said. And when you can make an accomplishment like that, it makes me happy and proud.

Welcome back to Major League Soccer, Jason Kreis

The two-time MLS Cup win and former NYC FC boss rejoined the challenger after a short incantation away from video games. His honor? A 3-1 succes in Orlando against the New England Revolution.

In some modes, Kreis astounded with his approach to the equal. In others, “hes having” stayed the same. The trademark of a Kreis side the diamond midfield was shunned for the conventional 4-2-3-1 that Orlando has employed for most of the season. His decision to start Antonio Nocerino and Servando Carrasco over Darwin Ceren and Cristian Higuita was surprising, as was his choice to start Brek Shea on the bench. All starting decisions, he said, were based on word in training.

But most of his lineup decisions followed recent precedent. The back four remained intact. Molino, who has lined up across every midfield place during Orlandos recent gauntlet of fixture congestion, noticed a residence on the left. Kaka reverted centrally behind Larin, with Hadji Barry making his third consecutive start of its first year on the right.

New England searched poised to participate spoiler, putting in an superb superhighway exertion through the opening 45 minutes. Kei Kamara “re opening the” scoring, waltzing his road past the Orlando defense and detecting the net simply 18 instants in.

But Orlando saw their formation in the second half. It took Larin less than a minute to score, hitting Bobby Shuttleworth at the far pole with a calm finish. Second half sub Shea communicated in a cross in the 63 rd, spotting Kevin Molino to redouble the make. Molino capped off the darknes with a brace.

But the nighttime belonged to Jason Kreis, who managed to reignite a sleepy Orlando side to their first win since June 26 th.

Obviously[ Im] very, very happy, Kreis said after the competition. I visualize the week of handiwork that the players and staff have put in was excellent. One of best available weeks Ive ever been involved with. To see that work terminate in a really strong execution realizes me extremely happy.

Frank Lampard hems into relevant for NYC FC

Frank Lampard is the worst Designated Player sign in Major League Soccer biography: that was the narrative six short a few weeks ago. And with good reason. After all, his sketchy stay with New York City FC has been tainted by false starts, contractual distraction, fitness issues and questionable hurt concerns.

But his action on Saturday against the Colorado Rapids introduced an exclaiming differentiate on one of the most remarkable comeback stories of the MLS season.

Since reverting from a calf trauma, Lampard has been on fire. Donning the chieftains armband in place of the suspended David Villa, the Chelsea great revived his past form, scoring the first hat-trick in NYC FC history en route to a 5-1 win over the Colorado Rapids.

This was no small feat for Lampard or NYC FC. The Rapid were undefeated in 15 competitors foreman into Saturdays encounter an enormous achievement within the frameworks of the parity-laden MLS. Their protection allowed a paltry 14 purposes through 20 pairs leader into the weekend, the best preserve in the conference. Eight of their first 20 parallels ended in shutouts. Likewise , no squad has been able to score three against the Rapids backline all season long with or without Tim Howard.

And no single musician has tallied more than two aims against them, either. Until Lampard broke the working party. The Englishman, who has been the top scorer in MLS since his revert as a starter on 18 June, opened the scoring in what was initially a drab affair.

Lightning immediately introduced a pause to the match, but NYC FC accompanied batch of electricity on the restart. A second wayward foul from Michael Azira applied the Rapids down a human in the 37 th time. With Colorado reeling, Tony Taylor redoubled the pas before the half, and Steven Mendoza constructed it three shortly after the second. But “its been” Lampard who induced an unforgettable curtain call. First he curled a shot past Howard and then completed his hat-trick with fines and penalties. He is now among the top-1 0 goalscorers in the league.

Not bad for a presumed has-been, right?

He showed true-blue leadership today, team-mate Jack Harrison said. He was a true-life skipper at Chelsea and he proved it today. He substantiated everyone incorrect is demonstrating that we do need him and hes a key part of our success.

An abrupt death to a good thing

The Colorado Rapids forgot ugly against NYC FC – and that is putting it mildly.

We shot ourselves in the foot, said Howard. Its a small tar, its easy to get around, easy to defend properly and we didnt do that as a group today. Once the red-faced placard happened, the game was finished.

Despite the result, the Rapids should still be proud of what they have accomplished this season. After all, they continue to second in the West with one of the stingiest defenses in the league.

Now makes thrown their achievements in situation. Compare the teams current success to their woes in 2015. They have already overshadowed their win total last year with 10 wins in 2016 compared to nine in 2015. Their defense is actually comparable this year: in 2015 they allowed exactly 22 points through 21 coincides as opposed to their current 19 permitted. Their offensive wasnt all that different either, with the 2016 Rapids tallying 24 aims, compared to the 19 through 21 tallied last-place season.

So whats certain differences? For starters, Colorado are tallying first and accommodating on to wins a determining factor for any contender. Last-place season, they managed to tally first in eight of their opening 21 competitors. That was key to their momentary success on the year( 4-1-3 ). This year, it has been the bedrock of all the teams success, with the Rapids running a solid 10 -0- 3 when find that first point. Only NYC FC have opened the tallying more frequently( 14 of 21 matches ).

The team have also learned how to use dwelling domain to their advantage, running undefeated at DSG Park (8 -0- 3 ). That wasnt the instance last-place season as Colorado disappeared 3-4-4 in the same time frame.

Jermaine Jones has certainly been a part of their success. The squad is undefeated when the midfielder starts( 4-0-3 ). But Pablo Mastroeni has been a key catalyst as well. Continuity and identity is already foreign terms for the Rapids under Mastroeni. Now, key offseason acquisitions have bolstered the fraternity, and Mastroeni has effectively molded his high press arrangement to his players persuasiveness, may be required for his young roster to victimize antagonists on turnovers in the attacking third.

The result has been unfettered success and no single loss can take that away from them.

Torontos best is back to his best

No team in Major League Soccer travel their fates on the back of a single musician quite like Toronto FC and their golden goose, Sebastian Giovinco.

On Sunday evening, the Italian striker acquired the maestro label from countryman Andrea Pirlo, orchestrating and executing on each of Torontos destinations in a 3-0 shutout of the Columbus Crew.

It took all of eight minutes for him to show his form. A long-range blare ricocheted off the back of team-mate Tsubasa Endoh, vanquishing Crew keeper Steve Clark for the early precede. Endoh was credited for the goal – but Giovinco established it happen.

Just 16 a few minutes later, the Toronto offense inaugurated weaving their route through the Crew defense, finishing on a relinquish and depart between Jay Chapman and Giovinco. The former Juventus star took a curling kill on the outside of his foot to double Torontos advantage.

And he wasnt done there. Giovinco thrust Steve Clark into a diving save in the 55 th time. One instant eventually, a hazardous assaulting string assured Giovinco smack the same post not once, but twice, just missing on his possibility for a strengthen. Unable to find two seconds objective, the Italian striker reverted back to the role of distributor, this time connecting with Jozy Altidore for the end goal of the match.

His 12 th goal of the season introduces him merely one behind tournament lead David Villa. His two expedites on the night wreaking his season total to nine as well, tying him for second league wide. Those stats are all the more impressive when you weigh his nine-match scoreless shortage.

Weve said it before and we will say it again: the success of Toronto follows the success of Giovinco. Toronto are 5-1-2 when Giovinco scores. When he doesnt? An humiliating 3-6-4. Its recent, highly circulated nine-match tallying drought resulted in a paltry 2-3-4 evidence for the believed playoff hopefuls. With last weeks hat-trick and the coming week creation, the team have now strung together two prevails for the first time since April, putting them four degrees clear of the crimson line.

The Seattle Sounders can tell you the dangers of relying on a single outstanding representation to move the societies lucks. Two thirds of the channel into this season, and they are still trying to find a solution for the loss of Obafemi Martins.

Toronto may find themselves in a similar discern. But for now, Giovincos brilliance continues to mercy the Great White North and they will follow his contribute, for better or for worse.

The post Bradley Wright-Phillips’ brand-new evidence; and Frank Lampard hems into relevance appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week twenty-five

capsule reviews of the pop songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 30 June 2007 and 1 July 2017

30 June 2007

87) "Teenagers," My Chemical Romance

Y'know, I find Welcome to the Black Parade mostly disagreeable, but heck if this song ain't a bright spot, insofar as a song about bringing concealed weaponry of some kind to school is a "bright spot." (Hey, I dunno, if you have to add a disclaimer to the video saying "violence isn't the answer," you should consider a different song for the single? Just a thought, don't wanna backseat record executive, here, but that seems bad.) Like, apart from the "under your shirt" line, it's kind of a perfect angsty vibe, not Linkin Parky fml angst, more angsty in that eternally adolescent sense of "all adults are robots and I will never conform," it channels that really well, and it has a dope guitar solo. I don't think I've mentioned a guitar solo being fun, and I can't tell if that's because I don't typically care about guitar solos or this is the first memorable guitar solo we've gotten, but either way, best guitar solo of the project so far. I am spending a lot of time on this song because I'm like 60% sure it's gonna be the only song I like this week. (spoilers: it isn’t!)

93) "Imagine," Jack Johnson

You know what's another thing about "Teenagers?" Like, even before I ever listened to Welcome to the Black Parade, I could draw a line from "Welcome to the Black Parade" to "Teenagers." I could make sense of how "Teenagers" would fit in a narrative that began with "Welcome to the Black Parade," how that kid would become angry and sullen and start scaring adults. I wish more singles had some sort of thematic throughline, like I don't necessarily mean Future should write a rock opera, I mean that I should be able to get the sense that like "Shape of You" and "Castle on the Hill" are from the same album. But maybe I'm just projecting, maybe I'm stuck in MUSIC WAS BETTER IN 2007 mode when, as seen here, it clearly fucking wasn't.

94) "Shawty," Piles ft./T-Pain

wait hold up is that the "shawty, yeah-e-yeah, yeah" from the start of "i'm on the boat." did t-pain start all his features with "shawty yeah-e-yeah yeah" and i'm just noticing it now, or did t-pain reuse a run. anyway, piles is the goat: grossest of all time. he drops bars that would make yachty wince. like, this is just the first verse: "i pointed at the donk & told her this s'posed to be yours/showed her a couple stacks and told her i'd let her blow it" what body part is the donk in this context. if piles calls his dick 'the donk' i might throw up, especially since he believes being able to suck on it is a wonderful privilege. "i taught her how to talk to me while she take pipe" well, communication is key to any healthy relationship, i'm glad piles understands its importance "i gotta train her, now she suck me with ice" oh okay that's cool, yeah no, women need to be trained to give pleasure, i get it, totally, chill attitude that was the first verse. piles is the worst. i can't believe we squandered this hook and the "bust it baby, pt. 2" hook on this gross gross boy. oh hey second verse "member she used to run from me, now she like pain" cool. coooooooooooooooooooooooool. what a song!

no updates to the 2007 top 20 week but we’re gonna publish the top 20 because i didn’t last week and you may have forgotten 20) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 19) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 18) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 17) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 16) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 15) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 14) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 13) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 12) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 11) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 10) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," by Kanye West (6.16.2007) 9) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 8) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 7) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 6) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 5) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 4) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 3) "Beautiful Flower," by India.Arie (6.16.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) i still enjoy all 20 of these songs. alright, 2017, low bar for ya. maybe you wanna clear it?

1 July 2017

16) "2U," David Guetta by ft./Justin Bieber

There's something I really don’t like about Justin Bieber saying "Watch me speak from my heart when it comes to you," and then having that line immediately followed by an EDM drop. Like is the drop supposed to be a substitute for words? Is the drop supposed to communicate what's in Justin Bieber's heart? Because all I hear from the drop is "what a nifty drop I am!" But this feels less like a criticism than it does like pedantry. It's OK. David Guetta is a proven programmer of pop music, and this is another solid song that he has made that I wouldn't have been able to pin to David Guetta if I listened to this blind.

70) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott

Worth pointing out that the first autocomplete result for love galore is "love galore travis scott," which is cool. I'm also gonna cop to having this album in my library but letting it sit because there's so much else I have to get to and this wasn't a priority. This song doesn't move the album higher in my queue, but it does have me excited to get to it. This is a dope song, this portrait of an awful relationship neither party much wants to be in, but are staying together because they love each other, whatever that means. SZA regrets hooking up with Travis Scott, Travis Scott admits he was only looking for ass and titties, they both operate independently of one another, but there's love, so there's that. And then the end, when that extremely pleasant bass line disappears, there's that single note on the keyboard and SZA going "woah," then that beat switch into SZA saying "I came here to have sex with you, and if it weren't for that, I wouldn't be here," that's just so cool, like this song is complex and intricate and it does the thing "4 AM" did last week where the music occasionally goes out of tone and it does that thing to great effect. SZA's dope. I'm excited for whatever time I get to spend with her in the future. ...OK. OK, fine, I'll fucking leave this nice dark place and go to countrydudetopia.

79) "Do I Make You Wanna," by Billy Currington

Time for a YAS REWIND, because remember last week when we talked about how many people have made it from the 2007 Hot 100 to the 2017? THIS IS RELEVANT TO THAT, because Billy Currington just became the 29th member of the Decade Dance Party! We will share the full list later in this post, because there are only 10 songs this week and most of them blow so I'ma give you some other #content this week, but it's worth noting right here that 9 of the 29 members of Decade Dance Party are country dudes. You drive down enough dirt roads, you're gonna get stuck in the mud at some point. This is a song in which Billy Currington asks his girlfriend if he makes her feel complete and safe, which is either incredibly arrogant or pathetically needy.

89) "Escapate Conmigo," by Wisin ft./Ozuna

HELL YEAH LATIN POP. Gosh, the renewal of Latin pop as a thing we listen to has been one of the best things about doing this silly thing. Like, all the Latin pop is my second favorite thing about YAS, just ahead of Kendrick week but, let's be real, a million miles behind Ashley Tisdale's cover of "Kiss the Girl." This is such a nice song. The beat bounces nicely, Wisin's flow is like "what if Lin-Manuel Miranda rapped in Spanish and was also good" (like maybe it's been a while since I heard that dude rap, but they sound so very alike), and it has one of the best mis-translated lyrics of the year with "My supergirl/The one whose smiles steal me/Tremendous wolf." Tremendous wolf. I adore that.

93) "What Ifs," by Kane Brown ft./Lauren Alaina

I see you, dude. First off, this dude's voice is incredible. Like, after listening to dude after dude either whispering softly over EDM or bleating twangily over the country beat, hearing this dude belt was An Experience. I wish the production would calm down a little bit, like this dude and Lauren Alaina could have made this song an epic ballad on their own, but nah, gotta have the electronic drums spoil a perfectly good opening guitar line, gotta have the standard pop/country things choke the life out of what could've been some cool moments. This dude's a lot like that Luke Combs fella from a few months back, not stylistically or anything, just in the sense that I bet he's cooler than he is on this song, and I trust he's not just some bro country yutz, but I'm not in any rush to check out what else he's got, despite how appealing the song title "Used to Love You Sober" is.

95) "It's a Vibe," by 2 Chainz ft./Ty Dolla $ign, Trey Songz & Jhene Aiko

This was also OK! As stated, this song was a vibe, and gosh darn, if it didn't do much more than vibe, though. A fun way to kill three minutes, a less than fun thing to listen to if you're charging yourself with the task of coming up with some unique point to make about it for to generate likes and the whatnot. S'a'ight, y'know? I'm supposed to write, what, 100 words about something thats'a'ight? I mean, I don't have to, no one ever asked me to and they clearly don't want me to, but like. It's a vibe! It's another one. Fuck it, I don't, sigh, just give me the country dudes and let's get out of this actually-pretty-decent week.

100) "It Ain't My Fault," by Brothers Osborne

OK. OK! OK, hell yeah, no, I'm sorry for calling you country dudes, 'cuz hot damn, this was great. Like, Chris Stapleton gets a lot of hype for making classic country music, but he only makes the sad slow acoustic country music, and like Johnny Cash had "Folsom Prison Blues" and "A Boy Named Sue," y'know? Not to compare this song to those, but this is uptempo classic country, this is classic country with got damn STOMP, and it's dope as hell.

Two new songs in the Top 20 for 2017! 20) "It Ain't My Fault," by Brothers Osborne (7.1) 19) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 18) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 17) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 16) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott (7.1) 15) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 14) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 13) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 12) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 11) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 10) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 9) "Strangers," by Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui (6.17) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) I bumped “Selfish” this week. I have no idea how that happened. 2017′s slowly becoming stacked, and/or I’m an idiot.

Who won the week?

2017. Like? 2017.

2017: 13 2007: 12

Yooge opportunity for 2017 to widen this gap, too, so I’m stoked for a solid two weeks of Chainsmokers songs and memes. Anyway, THE IMPORTANT THING.

The Decade Dance Club

30 people have made or been featured on songs that charted in the years 2007 and 2017. They are: 1) Daddy Yankee (”Impacto,” “Shaky Shaky”) 2) Dierks Bentley (”Free & Easy,” “Black”) 3) Luke Bryan (”All My Friends Say,” “Fast”) 4) Gucci Mane (”Freaky Gurl,” “Make Love”) 5) Jason Aldean (”Johnny Cash,” “Any Ol’ Barstool”) 6) Lil Wayne (”Sweetest Girl” (feat), “Running Back” (feat)) 7) Missy Elliott (”Let it Go” (feat), “I’m Better”) 8) Maroon 5 (”Makes Me Wonder,” “Cold”) 9) Nick Jonas (”Year 3000″ (w/jobros), “Bom Bidi Bom”) 10) DJ Khaled (”We Takin Over,” “Shining”) 11) Beyonce (”Get Me Bodied,” “Shining”) 12) Jay-Z (”Blue Magic,” “Shining”) 13) Linkin Park (”What I’ve Done,” “Heavy”) 14) Rihanna (”Umbrella,” “Selfish” (feat)) 15) Josh Turner (”Me & God,” “Hometown Girl”) 16) Rick Ross (“We Takin Over” (feat), “Trap Trap Trap”) 17) Faith Hill (”I Need You,” “Speak to a Girl”) 18) Tim McGraw (”I Need You,” “Speak to a Girl”) 19) Miranda Lambert (”Famous in a Small Town,” “Tin Man”) 20) Enrique Iglesias (”Dimelo,” “Subeme la Radio”) 21) Flo Rida (”Low,” “Cake”) 22) Kenny Chesney (”Beer in Mexico,” “Bar at the End of the World”) 23) Paramore (”Misery Business,” “Hard Times”) 24) Miley Cyrus (”Nobody’s Perfect,” “Malibu”) 25) Blake Shelton (”Don’t Make Me,” “Every Time I Hear That Song”) 26) Shakira (”Beautiful Liar,” “Me Enamore”) 27) Rascal Flatts (”Stand,” “Yours if You Want It”) 28) Trey Songz (”Can’t Help But Wait,” “Nobody Else But You”) 29) Billy Currington (”Good Directions,” “Do I Make You Wanna”) 30) Wisin (”Sexi Movimento,” “Escapate Conmigo”)

Shout out to Wisin for making the list, too! So that’s 30, out of hundreds, who have had a career on the pop charts that spanned a decade. Specifically, the last ten years, there’s a few folks who’ve charted in 2017 that didn’t chart in 2007 despite being things back then, such as Darius Rucker, Eminem, John Legend, Mariah Carey, and Pharrell Williams. There’s also some folks who hit in 2008 that have hit in 2017, your Katy Perries and Ladies Antebellum, that cannot make this list because, hey, it’s kind of a dumb list. But music is dumb, and this list should illustrate how hard it is to last in the music business (unless you’re a dude who makes country music), which is why it’s vitally important we spend hours and hours dissecting Lil’ Yachty lyrics.

[apsbicepstraining]

Bradley Wright-Phillips’ brand-new evidence; and Frank Lampard hems into relevance

Plus: the Rapids triumphing move dissolves hurriedly; Torontos better is back to his best; and Jason Kreiss triumphant return

A record-setting darknes started in atypical pattern for Bradley Wright-Phillips.

The Red Bulls striker expended most of the parallel in solitude, unable to get a clear touch in a dangerous situate, thanks in part to a choking Chicago Fire defense. But as has been the case since he joined the team in 2013, a bit of room was all he needed to show his form.

And on Sunday, it served to break records.

Wright-Phillips extra-time equalizer was his 63 rd as a Red Bull player, putting him past Juan Pablo Angel as the all-time dealership destination scoring leader.

Of course, I wont lie I like to break records, right holders of MLSs single-season goal scoring record said after the competitor. I try not to think about it, but when you say these kind of things, it obligates me proud.

A streaky striker by nature, Wright-Phillips has once again were beginning to warm up, scoring three goals in his last two pairs, break-dance the double digit goalscoring threshold for the third season in a row. But regardless of Sundays record, it is the nature of his latest point that has Red Bulls boss Jesse Marsch excited.

Ive been defying him to see more gamblings belatedly in video games. They did a good job of being hard on him. Every team we play knows Bradley is important. They focus in on him and Sacha, and Brad still manages to find ways to get objectives, Marsch said.

As good as Brad is, we are trying to encourage him to have a cut-throat attitude, that even if he doesnt have a lot of contacts in the game, he exactly necessity one to make a difference.

On Sunday, thats all it took for the Red Bulls to salvage a time from near cataclysm in the unfriendly confines of Toyota Park. I set a lot of work into what I do, Wright-Phillips said. And when you can make an accomplishment like that, it makes me happy and proud.

Welcome back to Major League Soccer, Jason Kreis

The two-time MLS Cup win and former NYC FC boss rejoined the challenger after a short incantation away from video games. His honor? A 3-1 succes in Orlando against the New England Revolution.

In some modes, Kreis astounded with his approach to the equal. In others, “hes having” stayed the same. The trademark of a Kreis side the diamond midfield was shunned for the conventional 4-2-3-1 that Orlando has employed for most of the season. His decision to start Antonio Nocerino and Servando Carrasco over Darwin Ceren and Cristian Higuita was surprising, as was his choice to start Brek Shea on the bench. All starting decisions, he said, were based on word in training.

But most of his lineup decisions followed recent precedent. The back four remained intact. Molino, who has lined up across every midfield place during Orlandos recent gauntlet of fixture congestion, noticed a residence on the left. Kaka reverted centrally behind Larin, with Hadji Barry making his third consecutive start of its first year on the right.

New England searched poised to participate spoiler, putting in an superb superhighway exertion through the opening 45 minutes. Kei Kamara “re opening the” scoring, waltzing his road past the Orlando defense and detecting the net simply 18 instants in.

But Orlando saw their formation in the second half. It took Larin less than a minute to score, hitting Bobby Shuttleworth at the far pole with a calm finish. Second half sub Shea communicated in a cross in the 63 rd, spotting Kevin Molino to redouble the make. Molino capped off the darknes with a brace.

But the nighttime belonged to Jason Kreis, who managed to reignite a sleepy Orlando side to their first win since June 26 th.

Obviously[ Im] very, very happy, Kreis said after the competition. I visualize the week of handiwork that the players and staff have put in was excellent. One of best available weeks Ive ever been involved with. To see that work terminate in a really strong execution realizes me extremely happy.

Frank Lampard hems into relevant for NYC FC

Frank Lampard is the worst Designated Player sign in Major League Soccer biography: that was the narrative six short a few weeks ago. And with good reason. After all, his sketchy stay with New York City FC has been tainted by false starts, contractual distraction, fitness issues and questionable hurt concerns.

But his action on Saturday against the Colorado Rapids introduced an exclaiming differentiate on one of the most remarkable comeback stories of the MLS season.

Since reverting from a calf trauma, Lampard has been on fire. Donning the chieftains armband in place of the suspended David Villa, the Chelsea great revived his past form, scoring the first hat-trick in NYC FC history en route to a 5-1 win over the Colorado Rapids.

This was no small feat for Lampard or NYC FC. The Rapid were undefeated in 15 competitors foreman into Saturdays encounter an enormous achievement within the frameworks of the parity-laden MLS. Their protection allowed a paltry 14 purposes through 20 pairs leader into the weekend, the best preserve in the conference. Eight of their first 20 parallels ended in shutouts. Likewise , no squad has been able to score three against the Rapids backline all season long with or without Tim Howard.

And no single musician has tallied more than two aims against them, either. Until Lampard broke the working party. The Englishman, who has been the top scorer in MLS since his revert as a starter on 18 June, opened the scoring in what was initially a drab affair.

Lightning immediately introduced a pause to the match, but NYC FC accompanied batch of electricity on the restart. A second wayward foul from Michael Azira applied the Rapids down a human in the 37 th time. With Colorado reeling, Tony Taylor redoubled the pas before the half, and Steven Mendoza constructed it three shortly after the second. But “its been” Lampard who induced an unforgettable curtain call. First he curled a shot past Howard and then completed his hat-trick with fines and penalties. He is now among the top-1 0 goalscorers in the league.

Not bad for a presumed has-been, right?

He showed true-blue leadership today, team-mate Jack Harrison said. He was a true-life skipper at Chelsea and he proved it today. He substantiated everyone incorrect is demonstrating that we do need him and hes a key part of our success.

An abrupt death to a good thing

The Colorado Rapids forgot ugly against NYC FC – and that is putting it mildly.

We shot ourselves in the foot, said Howard. Its a small tar, its easy to get around, easy to defend properly and we didnt do that as a group today. Once the red-faced placard happened, the game was finished.

Despite the result, the Rapids should still be proud of what they have accomplished this season. After all, they continue to second in the West with one of the stingiest defenses in the league.

Now makes thrown their achievements in situation. Compare the teams current success to their woes in 2015. They have already overshadowed their win total last year with 10 wins in 2016 compared to nine in 2015. Their defense is actually comparable this year: in 2015 they allowed exactly 22 points through 21 coincides as opposed to their current 19 permitted. Their offensive wasnt all that different either, with the 2016 Rapids tallying 24 aims, compared to the 19 through 21 tallied last-place season.

So whats certain differences? For starters, Colorado are tallying first and accommodating on to wins a determining factor for any contender. Last-place season, they managed to tally first in eight of their opening 21 competitors. That was key to their momentary success on the year( 4-1-3 ). This year, it has been the bedrock of all the teams success, with the Rapids running a solid 10 -0- 3 when find that first point. Only NYC FC have opened the tallying more frequently( 14 of 21 matches ).

The team have also learned how to use dwelling domain to their advantage, running undefeated at DSG Park (8 -0- 3 ). That wasnt the instance last-place season as Colorado disappeared 3-4-4 in the same time frame.

Jermaine Jones has certainly been a part of their success. The squad is undefeated when the midfielder starts( 4-0-3 ). But Pablo Mastroeni has been a key catalyst as well. Continuity and identity is already foreign terms for the Rapids under Mastroeni. Now, key offseason acquisitions have bolstered the fraternity, and Mastroeni has effectively molded his high press arrangement to his players persuasiveness, may be required for his young roster to victimize antagonists on turnovers in the attacking third.

The result has been unfettered success and no single loss can take that away from them.

Torontos best is back to his best

No team in Major League Soccer travel their fates on the back of a single musician quite like Toronto FC and their golden goose, Sebastian Giovinco.

On Sunday evening, the Italian striker acquired the maestro label from countryman Andrea Pirlo, orchestrating and executing on each of Torontos destinations in a 3-0 shutout of the Columbus Crew.

It took all of eight minutes for him to show his form. A long-range blare ricocheted off the back of team-mate Tsubasa Endoh, vanquishing Crew keeper Steve Clark for the early precede. Endoh was credited for the goal – but Giovinco established it happen.

Just 16 a few minutes later, the Toronto offense inaugurated weaving their route through the Crew defense, finishing on a relinquish and depart between Jay Chapman and Giovinco. The former Juventus star took a curling kill on the outside of his foot to double Torontos advantage.

And he wasnt done there. Giovinco thrust Steve Clark into a diving save in the 55 th time. One instant eventually, a hazardous assaulting string assured Giovinco smack the same post not once, but twice, just missing on his possibility for a strengthen. Unable to find two seconds objective, the Italian striker reverted back to the role of distributor, this time connecting with Jozy Altidore for the end goal of the match.

His 12 th goal of the season introduces him merely one behind tournament lead David Villa. His two expedites on the night wreaking his season total to nine as well, tying him for second league wide. Those stats are all the more impressive when you weigh his nine-match scoreless shortage.

Weve said it before and we will say it again: the success of Toronto follows the success of Giovinco. Toronto are 5-1-2 when Giovinco scores. When he doesnt? An humiliating 3-6-4. Its recent, highly circulated nine-match tallying drought resulted in a paltry 2-3-4 evidence for the believed playoff hopefuls. With last weeks hat-trick and the coming week creation, the team have now strung together two prevails for the first time since April, putting them four degrees clear of the crimson line.

The Seattle Sounders can tell you the dangers of relying on a single outstanding representation to move the societies lucks. Two thirds of the channel into this season, and they are still trying to find a solution for the loss of Obafemi Martins.

Toronto may find themselves in a similar discern. But for now, Giovincos brilliance continues to mercy the Great White North and they will follow his contribute, for better or for worse.

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