dazzleshot

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me when i give my manager the angry customer and i can go back to not doing my job

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Leon S. Kennedy (Resident Evil 4, 2005)

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Can I stop being sick now I learned my lesson or whatever I prommy

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i love it when the final song on an album is called something like "goodnight" or "farewell" except for when the beatles did it because they sang about problematic themes and three of them got yhe fourth one pregnant in the early days when they all looked alike and nobody could remember which one it was so they all got abortions just in case

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This is my X-Force prediction

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when i say i got that dog in me this is the dog i’m talking about

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we need more deeply closeted men making rock music. not the women though I want them to be out dykes kissing women in the audience

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my ape brain when it gets dark at 4:45pm

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I know people in the world have like real problems or whatever but I just lost an argument with a german shepherd mix about going to bed before 8pm

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pwhl standings dec 29 2024

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the police to my mom: ma'am your daughter was driving 110 mph eating hot cheetos with one hand and texting in an imessage group chat titled “boy pussy” with the other and crashed into the back wall of dd’s discounts and died instantly but somehow her body made its way to the accessories section and we found 35 dollars worth of stolen hoop earrings in her purse

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HEAD LIKE A COAL HO-HO-HO-HO ID RATHER FLY MY REINDEER THROUGH SNOW

ILL EAT THE COOKIES THAT YOU SERVE YOU'LL GET THE GIFTS THAT YOU DESERVE

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i’ll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say “aw i’m so sorry for you” and i’ll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didn’t have to hire a sitter

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