#like guess what you were born bc of sex if you don't want to have sex fine idc

[withoutalice]

I know it's not that deep but saying "ew pregnancy" isn't really funny. yeah pregnancy can be hard and involve lots of bodily fluids but it's not fucking "body horror" and "disturbing" its natural. if it's not for you personally it's not for you - end of story.

[dirtysvthoughts]

oh, so y'all thought i wasn't gonna write about this? everyone's gonna suffer along with me on this thursday, bc he's literally my adonis, his sexy ass </3

general tags/warnings: boyfriend!chan, female! reader, sexting into video call sex, dirty talk, mutual masturbation, reader (kenny) is obsessed with chan's muscle groups

word count: 1.3k

notes: y'all this chan dropped this morning, had me feeling things, and then this was born, god he's so sexy, wanna suck him off so bad.. anyways, hope y'all enjoy and lemme know if ya liked it :')

imagine chan working out after his schedule, alone in the gym, finishing his last set of weights. he notices his phone light up from across the room, picking it up from where he left it on the floor. he smiles as your name appears along with the green message icon, envisioning your sweet voice as he reads your text:

baby: heyyy, how was ur day? been thinkin about you 🤍

you lie in your bed, in nothing but one of chan's t-shirts and a pair of panties. chan was coming to see you later on the day, and you couldn't wait. even though it had only been a few days since you last saw each other, you couldn't get enough of him. as your mind continues to wander, the ping of a new notification immediately brings you back to reality.

channie: it was pretty good, i'm about to finish my workout. i've been thinking about you too, pretty girl :)

you clench around nothing as you read his new message over two things. one, he called you pretty girl which always got you going; two, he was at the gym. working out. probably shirtless. all of beautifully shaped muscles on display.

you never admitted this to your boyfriend directly, but you were obsessed with his muscles. his shoulders and back are so broad and strong, you felt them up whenever you could. whenever his arms flexed while doing something, you couldn't help but bite down on your lip, thinking about what it would be like to slightly tighten his grasp when his hands were on your throat. and his abs? you so desperately wanted to sink down on them and ride chan, praising him for how sculpted he is and how he makes you feel so good.. all this was on your mind and more as you typed out your response.

baby: oh? ur working out today? 😏 knowing you, ur shirt's probably somewhere across the room 🤣

chan smirks, laughing to himself at your guess. he still had his white shirt on with his sleeves rolled up, but something in him wanted to take the conversation in a new direction.

chan: i mean, it's not, but who's to say i can't take it off right now?

chan: maybe send you a pic or two...

you freeze at the most recent message. you were already needy for him, and he was voluntarily giving you the chance? you couldn't pass this up.

baby: chan, don't tease me.. pls..

baby: if ur serious about this, then lemme see

baby: wanna have you pin me down with those arms 😩

without a second thought, chan takes off his shirt and tosses it across the room. he angles himself in the mirror correctly so you can see all of him, his left arm holding the waistband of his shorts as if he wants you to see more.

then, he takes a video, the camera facing him this time. not saying a word, he smirks at the camera as it goes from his face all the way down to his waist, making sure you could see his defined muscles up close.

he can feel his dick get hard as he types out his next message, sitting down on one of the benches, already thinking about what he would do to you later on that night.

channie: [image]

channie: [image]

channie: [video]

channie: how is it, pretty girl? like what you see? 😏

you were already gone, hands playing with your clit outside your panties, thinking about the last time you had sex with chan. how he pinned you down, how his thrusts were so strong, and how his muscles flexed so deliciously...

you grab your phone with your free hand, and you whimper at the pics he sent you. but you're not ready when you press play on the video, moaning at how insanely hot he is, and he wasn't even doing much.

baby: fuck, channie

baby: ur so fucking sexy

baby: i need u so so bad 🥺

chan moves to lock the door of the room he was in, making sure no one could disturb or see him. he sits back down and opens up the camera again, this time taking a video of him from the waist down.

channie: [video]

channie: need you too, baby

channie: so much that my dick is rock hard now

channie: need you inside of me too

you open the video to reveal chan's big dick, his hands running up and down his shaft, his tip starting to get red. you were in a trance at how he moved, your hands starting to hurt from moving faster.

an idea pops in your head, and you find the voice recorder, tapping on it and the numbers appear across the screen.

"mmm, channie, a-ahh, channie... i'm so wet for you, i'm touching myself but it doesn't f-feel the same at all," you whine feeling your stomach starting to coil, "want you to make me come all over my sh-sheets, a-ah!"

you hit send, and sit up, not wanting to come just yet. you get your vibrator from your drawer, glancing at your phone and noticing that chan has listened and kept your dirty little voice message. seconds after, his name flashes across your screen as a video call. you toss your vibrator on the bed, and set up your phone on top of your pillows. you accept the call just before it disappears.

"damn, my pretty girl doesn't waste any time, does she?" is the first thing you hear as you lift up your shirt so he could see your lower body. you grab the vibrator and slowly place it on your clit, looking directly into the camera as you begin to grind down, loudly moaning at how it amplified how you were feeling.

"s-shit, ch-chan," is all you can manage to say in the moment.

"does it feel good, baby? i know you already wish it was me filling that tight pussy up," he groans as he goes back to touching himself. "god, you're gonna be so in for it tonight."

"i wish you were here, this vibrator only does so much, you're so much better, fuck, those pics you sent me turn me on so much.. you're so big and broad, i just want you ruin me and make me yours."

he smirks, wanting to take you further to the edge. "well, who makes you feel this good, baby? who always gets you so wet your panties are soaked? say my name, baby, tell me you're mine," he tilts his head back as he moves his hand faster on his dick.

"i'm yours, chan, i'm yours! 'm gonna cum, gonna cum, love you s-so much, are you close? " you whine, feeling your climax quickly approaching.

" 'm getting there baby, but you're gonna cum? do it for me then, baby. cum all over those sheets while you're thinking of me fucking you, can't wait to get inside of you.."

you gasp for air as you finally release all of you, chanting his name as if it was the only ting you knew. seeing you cum, chan comes into his hands, his fingers coated in his own juices.

"channie," you sweetly say as you bring your fingers to your mouth, licking them clean, teasing him by taking them in and out. "don't you wanna come taste me yourself?"

he groans out, clearly enjoying the extra show you were putting on for him. "you better take off those panties and get ready for me," he says as he comes out of view to grab his shirt. "i'm hightailing it to your place, i need to have you."

"then come make me feel good baby," you say as you blow a kiss, smiling at chan, ending the video call.

[blocksruinedme]

you’re mARRIED WITH A KID??? i guess i should expect that bc all types of people are on tumblr but i forget sometimes . does ur spouse know about ur blog? ur kid??

Yup, I have a spouse and a kid! I decided I didn’t want to do some announcement post, and I’d casually mention it on tumblr until someone commented. Thanks!

My spouse absolutely knows about my blog, has beta read fic, listens to me go on and on and on about blorbos, teases me lovingly (and cleverly).

My number one, absolutely NUMBER ONE piece of relationship advice is ***ONLY be with people who you don’t have to hide anything from***, who will accept you, even if they aren’t themselves into it.

In my fandom studies, I read about the fandom pioneers, married women, mostly mothers, who were out there making smutty Kirk/Spock zines, going to cons, and hiding EVERYTHING from the husbands they were sure would divorce them. I get sad about this at least monthly.

If you can choose who you are with/marry, there’s no reason to live like that! Hiding anything is setting yourself up for a lack of true intimacy and understanding. That’s not long term happiness, that’s not knowing you can have support for *anything*. You, tumblr users, deserve to not hide yourselves in love.

I’ve had a lot of relationships, good and bad (I’m polyamorous which means a lot of options), and this is it. This is number one. BE PERCEIVED AND LOVED. 

As for my kid, they can’t even see in color yet, just born this summer. 

I have thought about how I’ll handle fandom with them. Who knows what fandom I’ll be in when this comes up, but generally there’s some things I won’t have any issue sharing, like my cute stream clips. I think I’ll make sure to have some very appropriate kids writing for when we get to “your parent writes for fun”. Because kids know about R rated movies, and we’ll have media we watch that isn’t kid approved and we’ll explain why, I suspect I can make things work with “some writing isn’t for kids” until some age. There’s even “oh is it like romance novels” before it gets to the weird stuff.

Once they get older, it depends who they are, y’know? I have noooooo intent to show my kids *some* of my stuff ever. However, if we get to, like, “I’m 25 and we have a really healthy and somehow appropriate relationship talking about sex and I want to see it”, well, it’s not like I’m ashamed of what I write? But this is an issue for the 2040s, get there when we get there. 

God it’s so fricking great to have a baby! It’s been a long complicated process that started too many years ago. Calling them "Fin" online, cause I went with an ocean theme for all the baby stuff <3

Neurodivergent queer polyamorous smutty slutty freaks can have kids. People sometimes get this idea that only people who fit a certain type can have kids - and that sucks, cause I want more people like me to have kids (if they want to and are able to.) Kids are expensive, but you don't need to be pinterest perfect to be a good parent.

(PS: Infertility sucks, and I know a lot of you are still teens yourself, but if one of you, or someone you're close to, needs the infertility welcome packet, I am always happy to give someone a run down. Now, in five years, whatever. I really want to help people if I can - and I know a lot. Just give me some contact method if you send an ask. It can be really terrible and isolating. Or send them to the infertility reddit, much of reddit sucks but this places is incredibly well managed.)

[westerberg]

Tagged by @52stations for these 15 q's thank u!!!

1. are you named after anyone

My grandma's name is Betty, & my mom wanted to name me after her but that's an awful name for a child, so I ended up Elizabeth. My mom also loveddddd Pride and Prejudice so I like to say I'm named after Elizabeth Bennett but it's only half true.

2. when was the last time you cried?

I came close earlier this week listening to Simon and Garfunkel The Boxer, but I couldn't tell you the last time I was seriously crying uncontrollably. It's like what Fiona Apple said...

3. do you have kids?

no......oh my god

4. what sports do you play/have played?

not really any. I briefly played tennis in middle school.

5. do you use sarcasm?

Ya.....💁‍♀️

6. what is the first thing you notice about people?

This is a hard question but I guess it would be how they choose to present themselves. Like if we're asking literally what do I notice FIRST I guess their clothes and how they cut/dye their hair etc.

7. what’s your eye colour?

🤎 Beautiful Brown 🤎

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Happy Endings bc i suck :D

9. any talents?

is writing a talent... squidward voice. or spending long periods of time in contemplative silence I'm really good at that. If i don't think about it too hard I can do a really good Marc Maron impression

10. where were you born?

Semi-rural Minnesota

11. what are your hobbies?

Reading, "working on my screenplay," listening to comedy podcasts, watching movies, journaling, going on long walks, painting.

12. do you have any pets?

A tiny little black kitty kat <3

13. how tall are you?

I haven't been officially measured in a while but I seem to be the same height or even a little taller than the 5'9" people I know so about 5'9"

14. favourite subject in school?

in high school it would've been history but if we count classes we took in college. Well one time in my weird cultural studies major I got to take a class on comedy in culture and I got to spew all of my opinions that I had clearly spent much more time thinking ab than all the other students and the prof loved me. I got a perfect score on an essay on cancel culture <3

15. dream job?

Late Show page who has sex with David Letterman but then gets kept on for the transition to Conan and then has sex with him too... just kidding. I'd like to write for television or movies or whatever

tagging @antiquesintheattic @sonic-fizz @milliondollarbash @sugarmountain @sexuallyvague 🍻🍻🍻

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

On the topic of fem fortress, I agree and disagree. For the record I fall under the trans umbrella myself as well and I used the have the same opinion. You are entitled to your opinion of course but calling gender swapped art transphobic is a little too much. My problem with gender swapped art is if they make the female version without wrinkles or without the same body type. If you want to draw the mercs as trans that is totally fine and awesome but again calling people transphobic for drawing vid versions of characters sounds like a little bit of projection no offence. If someone were to draw me as a gender swapped version of me as cis personally I wouldn’t care. And again I’m only talking for me here but calling someone transphobic over something as small as this is taking away from actually transphobia that us real living people have to deal with. I don’t think I’ll change your mind and that’s ok with me. I hope you’ll at least consider this point of view. Love your blog and I hope you have a nice day.

Anon I genuinely do not want to be mean but like. do you know how to read? Nowhere in that post do I say "all genderbent art is transphobic" and I specifically disclaim that I do NOT think that because I KNEW this was the kind of reaction I would get. I can't help but feel like you are either intentionally or unintentionally misrepresenting what I said in order to make my critique sound more outlandish and unreasonable and craaaaaazy and thus easier to disagree with than it is, which is something that Always fucking happens to me whenever I talk about transphobia as a trans person, biphobia as a bi person, racism as a Latino person, etc, someone misrepresenting my argument to make me look like an oversensitive "triggered" idiot for even daring to see bigotry in something "small". I understand that YOU might feel comfortable with people whose genderbent art is like "the thing that makes this character a man is that he was born with a penis and ascribes to all cis standards of 'masculinity' and the thing that makes my new genderbend a woman is that she was born with a vagina and ascribes to all cis standards of 'femininity'" but I don't! I would not want someone to "genderbend" me and make me cis! I do not think it "takes away from 'REAL' transphobia" (whatever that means, transphobia in media and fiction is still transphobia and still affects people in real life) to say that "associating the gender of a character with the 'biological sex' of that character is cissexist" and/or "showing that you have 'genderbent' a 'male' character by making them ascribe more heavily to 'female' beauty standards is not just transphobic but misogynistic" (MASSIVE FUCKING PROBLEM with "fem fortress" designs, since when is Medic tf2 thin and petite or since when does Sniper tf2 wear makeup and a crop top and since when do either of them not have any wrinkles), that's like. completely normal media critique. I know that a lot of my followers enjoy "fem fortress" and I have tried to be as nice as I can about my critiques of SOME VERSIONS of it because of this, but like you need to be able to take critique of things that you enjoy. Nowhere do I say "all genderbend art is transphobic" but it seems like people are rejecting that for "no genderbend art is transphobic" which is just objectively untrue. I enjoy tf2 and I am able to make and take critiques of it, especially things like its portrayal of women characters (or lack thereof), but not everyone can. I would like to be able to talk about misogyny, biphobia, racism, or transphobia within this game and/or its fandom just once without someone inevitably coming to tell me "it's not that bad and you're just overreacting". I guess I'm not saying you have to agree with me but maybe try actually listening to what I say and not knee-jerk react like this bc I lightly criticized something you enjoy (which I have even praised in other posts, wouldn't you know! I think fem fortress is fun!)

[loubouskz]

teddy bear

kim seungmin x fem!reader

description: though you're an adult, your parents decided to have kim seungmin, your ex-best friend, stay with you for the time they are gone. you don't want to be around him unless absolutely necessary. why? because he destroyed your teddy of course.

warnings: reader scared of lightening, mentions of a parent passing, smut, unprotected sex, small oral(male receiving), small dirty talk, doggy style, pull-out method, cuddles.

wc: 3.6k

a/n: I wrote this bc I actually lost my childhood teddy bear for 4 good hours. I was in a panic for the entire time. I somewhat proofread this but ehh. it not the best, but I still like it. :)) also this was my first time trying fake texts so bare with me and the random timetamps.. I would love to make a series with social media au, I just need to figure out what is best. you guys have any tips and apps to use with that, plz inbox me!

----------

“really mom? I’m an adult, I can stay home by myself.” I whined as I threw myself on the couch. my mom sighed and looked towards my step dad. “honey, we know that, but we are going to be away for three weeks. we don’t want you to alone alone for that long. if it was just till next week it would be find.” dad explains, pushing my feet off the couch. “can I choose who stays with me then?” I asked, sitting up looking at both of them. “yes but only one person. also seungmin is going to be staying in the guest room while we are away.” mom said as she went to the kitchen. what the fuck, hell no. “why is he coming over?” I asked, raising my voice slightly while standing. “y/n, don’t raise your voice.” mom said. “dad!” i said, turning to him. “because he lives right next door, he’ll only be here during the night to make sure you and whoever are good and he’ll be gone in the morning. is that okay?” dad said, patting my shoulder. 

I sighed and thought about it. “I guess so. as long as I don’t have to see him during the full day.” I said, giving up. “alright.” dad said, looking at his watch. “we have a flight to catch, so we have to leave now.” dad said, kissing the top of my head. “please try to be nice to seungmin while we are gone.” mom said, grabbing her luggage. “but-” I said, before my mom continued my sentence. “you two don’t get long I know…just try.” she said, before blowing me a kiss and exiting the door with my step dad right behind her. “we’ll send extra cash if you need it for food.” dad said, locking the door. “alright. love you!” I called out. “we love you too.” dad said, closing the door behind him.

I walked back to my room and grabbed my phone from the charger. texting my best friend, lia, to see if she wanted to stay for some of the days, but knowing her- she’s probably not going to respond till a hours later or maybe even tomorrow. I exited from her name and saw seungmin’s name pop up as he sends a text. I sighed and opened the message.

kim seungmin. the young man who as being my neighbor since I was born. we used to be friends, playing together every chance we got. we did everything together, were there for each other. he was there when when my dad passed away, there when my mom met my step dad, there when they got married. the good and bad of our lives, we were together. when we were 13 years old, he did something I think was unforgivable. stealing my stuffed bear that I had as a baby and threw it away. mom thinks I’m still being childish about it, but I couldn’t sleep correctly for months. he took something of mine and got rid of it, he lost everything that day. when he said he he did to my most treasured item. I only text and wiling be around him when I have to, like today…and the 3 weeks he has to be here. 3 weeks, alone, with seungmin, a person I don’t want to even be near for 3 fucking weeks. god, please kill me now. I looked at the time, I had 4 hours till seungmin was going to sadly show up. I guess I can take a nap while I wait. I turned off my lights and climbed into to bed. I turned on my favorite youtuber for background noise on a low volume. I laid my head down and closed my eyes. please let me a stress free three weeks, even if seungmin will be here and I have to work. please.

I woke up to my phone ringing and banging on the door. what the fuck. I grabbed my phone and answered the call without looking at it. “hello.” I said, getting out of bed to head to the front door. “are you gonna let me, it’s starting to fucking rain!” I heard seungmin’s voice say through the phone. I looked at the time, 5:25pm. “have you been outside for 25 minutes?” I asked, taking my sweet time. “no, I got off work, had time to stop at my house to get my mom’s cooking and now I’m here. open the damn door before I catch a cold!” he said, stilling banging on the door. I unlocked the door to see a wet seungmin, making me giggle. 

“shut up.” he said, hanging up the call and pushing his way into my home. “rude.” I said, closing the door. “what were you doing anyway?” he said, handing the bag of steaming food. he took off his jacket and hung it up before taking off his shoes. “I’ll set the food up in the kitchen. you go change, wouldn’t want the sweet baby seungmin to get sick.” I said, walking pasted him into the kitchen. I heard he go to the guest room. I took out his mom’s famous cooking. giving each container a big sniff. god, it smells so good! I took two plates out of the cabinet and started filling up my plate.

seungmin entered the kitchen now dressed in dry clothes. I slid him his plate as I went to go eat my food inthe living room. “did you really take most of the chicken!” I heard him yell from the kitchen. “you live with your mother and her cooking, I don’t get to have it often. stop whining.” I called back out to him, stuffing rice in my mouth. seungmin walked in and made a face. “you know you look like a pig when you eat like that.” he said as he sat on the other side of the couch. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. “I’m going to watch my favorite movie.” I said, quickly starting it from the beginning. “really this?” seungmin said, raising one eyebrow. I nodded my head as I felt myself go into a trance while watching the movie.

seungmin had already got done with his food and washed his plate. “you know you don’t have to stay in the lying room with me.” I said, looking over at him. he looked up from his phone and over at me before going back to his phone. I pulled the blanket off me- that I had thrown on my lap in the middle of the movie. taking my plate to the kitchen. as I washed my plate, loud thunder and the sound of lightening made me jump. dropping the plate in the sink as I screamed. “fuck!” I yelled. my soul leaving my body for a few seconds. 

“you okay?” a voice asked. I screamed and turned around to see seungmin. “you still scared of bad thunderstorms?” he asked as he leaned on the side of the frame of the archway. “yes. you are going to make fun of me?” I asked as went back to washing my dish. “no, I’m not that low.” he answered before turning around to leave. “but you’re low enough to take a teddy and throw it away.” I muttered under my breath. seungmin stopped, looked at me, before continuing.

I walked back to the living room and saw seungmin wasn’t there anymore. he must of went to bed. I turned off the tv and headed to my room, turning off the lights on my route. 

I entered my room and got ready for bed. I looked at my phone and saw a message from lia finally.

I looked up the weather and she was correct. it’s going to be raining for the rest of the night and all of tomorrow. great. I sighed plugging up my phone and got in bed. I laid on my stomach and fell asleep very quickly.

I woke up to a knock on my door. “what!” I said tiredly. the door opened and I saw seungmin. “hey I was letting you know. the roads flooded last night so we go anywhere.” he explained. I sat up and stretched, noticed what time it was. “it’s 5am seungmin, why are you up?.” I said with my eyes half eyes. “I go to work at 6am, but I was just telling you that we’re kind of stuck here unless we go to my house. but you can go back to sleep now.” he said, leaving and closing the door. I laid back down and closed my eyes, falling asleep once again.

I woke up to my alarm going off, piper piper by bts blaring- 9am. “oh my god!” I said, grabbing my phone and turning off the now annoying song. “I’m never going to be able to listen to that song anymore.” I said to myself. I got out of bed and walked out my bed, going to the bathroom.

I heard loud noises coming from the front of the house. what the fuck? I followed the sound into the kitchen and saw seungmin. “now what are you doing?” I asked him. he trying his head to me. “what does it look like?” he sassed back. “I’m cooking breakfast.” he said, turning back to what he was cooking. “what is it? are you going put some in my food?” I asked narrowing my eyes at him. “no. I want to eat dumbass and I’m sure you are too.” he said, rolling his eyes at me. “when will it be done?” I asked, standing on my tippy toes from where I was standing. “now.” he said, turning off the stove and remod-ving the pan. “it’s eggs, pancakes, and toast.” he said. I went and grabbed myself a plate and loaded up my plate.

as I tried to walk out, seungmin took my plate. “thank you.” he said with a smile and went to the living to eat. I stood there and processed what just happened. the little bitch took my plate of food. “dick!” I yelled as I grabbed another plate and filled another plate of food. good thing he made a lot of food. I walked into the living room and turned on a show I wasn’t familiar with. I sat down and began to eat.

soon my plate became abandoned as I interested in the show. “why would he do that? he’s an idiot. she likes you dumbass!” I yelled at tv like the characters were going to hear me. I heard seungmin laughed at me. “you’re more into this than I am.” he laughed. I threw my pillow at him to make him shut up.

we sat on the couch, watching the the show. we were currently on the end of the second season. the sun had started going down. then everything went dark, I jumped out of my seat. in the a blink of an eye the lights came back on. “I think we might lose power.” seungmin stated. “I hope not.” I said, feeling my anxiety build up. I grabbed my phone and checked the time. 5:35pm. “we should charger our phone just in case it does.” seungmin said, standing up from the couch. I nodded my head and walked to my room. I plugged up my phone and walked to the kitchen to make something to eat. I grabbed two cups of ramen and made one for me and seungmin.

I watched as seungmin entered the room. I slid him his cup of ramen as I continued to eat mine on the counter. “thanks.” he said, which I nodded my head to. we ate in silence as the thunder rumbled far in the distance. I jumped off the counter and threw away my now empty cup. “I’m going to my room.” I told seungmin before walking away. I entered my room, looking around the area. I should put some things away so I don’t trip over them if the power does go out. I finished around 6pm. I sat on my bed, playing tetris on my phone.

“stupid game.” I said as I raged quit from miss clicking for the 4th time. “why do I tell have that game on my phone? I don’t even like playing it.” I cried to myself. I got up from bed and changed into fresh comfy clothes. I climbed into bed and went to bed early so i won’t be wake during a storm that was about to happen.

I woke up at 1am to it raining harder than ever outside. I looked around at the window. that looks bad. I watched as a flash of bright light went in front of my window with a loud crack and shake of the house. I screamed as I jumped out of my bed into the floor. I stood up and quickly got back intoto bed. I jumped as my door swung open fast. seungmin looked worried as he entered my room. 

“you okay?” he asked, walking into my room and closer to me. I nodded my head and looked towards the window, scared that it would happen again. “y/n.” he said, making me look at him. “you’re crying.” he said. what? I touched my face and felt that my cheeks were wet. “did the lightening scare you that much?” he asked, standing at the edge of my bed next to me. “I mean it was right outside of my window, I’m okay though.” I said to him. he raised an eyebrow, “are you sure?” he asked, fixing the hood at was falling off his head. “yes.” I said, knowing I was lying though my teeth. “okay.” he said, slowly walking out of my room and closing the door. 

I thought about my answer and called out to seungmin hoping he would answer and come back, but I don’t think he heard. I laid back down and closing my eyes, hoping to fall back to sleep. 

“y/n.” I heard, making my open my eyes. I see seungmin once again in my room “yes seungmin?” I asked. “didn’t you call my name a few seconds ago?” he said, shuffling his feet and hands behind his back. my body wanted to cave in on itself, god I feel a little embarrassed. “yeah I did.” I said, fixing my position in my bed. “I was wondering if you could stay in here with me, just till I fell asleep.” I said, looking past him- not wanting to meet his eyes. “yeah I can.” he said, walking over to the other side of the bed and climbed in. I felt him get close and held my eyes firmer closed and tried to fall asleep. stiff is one word to describe how I looked in bed.

I felt myself slipping into my second sleep, when I felt seungmin wrap his arms around me and placed something in my arms. he didn’t let go, but loosely kept his arms one my waist. “I’m sorry for my actions when we were young.” he said, i could feel his breathe on my neck. I looked down and saw my childhood toy. I wanted to cry to have it back. I hugged it tightly into me. “I didn’t know I had it. some how it ended up in my bag and I found it when I was at a friend’s house. they saw it thought it was mine and took it from me. I got it back a few months ago after I got my new job.” he explained. “I should have told you what actually happened, instead of ruining our friendship into almost nothing.” he said, I turned around and looked at him. “thank you for giving it back.” i said, he nodded. “it was always my plan to get it back and give it back to you.” seungmin said with a smile. I copied his smile, feeling more sleepy as the seconds passed.

“let’s go to sleep, shall we?” he said, getting more comfortable. we both fell asleep, me being in his embrace.

I woke up to seungmin moving around. “seungmin stop moving so much.” I groaned out before turning around. my back facing him. “sorry.” I heard him mumble. sadly my bed wasn’t the biggest(nor the smallest), but I every quickly found out why he was moving around a lot. I turned my head around, “seungmin are you hard?” I asked as I watched his cheeks turn bright red. “it’s not what you think!” he said, freaked out. I bursted out laughing. “really?” I asked, turning my body back around. “yes.” he said more quietly. I sat up and checked the time. 5:30am. “your morning schedule tiring me and I just woke up.” I said, making him laugh a little. I thought about if I should ask the question that was on a tip of my tongue. fuck it.

“did you want some help?” i asked him. “with what?” he quickly asked. I sighed and looked down at his crotch then back up at him. his eyes went wide and jaw dropped. “no I mean I don’t need help. I can handle myself.” he said, looking up at me. “did you want to help me?” he continued. “kinda, but if you can handle yourself, I’m going to go eat some cereal. I said about to get out of bed, but seungmin stopped me. I turned back around. the rising sun, hitting his face from the edges of the blinds. he looked good. “help me out y/n.” he said, making me smile.

“fuck.” seungmin moaned out as popped off his cock. “where did you learn how to do that?” he asked as I moved to sit on him. I shrugged my shoulders with a smile on my lips.  I lifted my body up and aligned him with my entrance. slowly sinking down on him, till he completely filled me up. “oh god.” I said, placing my hands on his chest. “shit, you’re so tight.” seungmin said, throwing his head back, hands on my thighs. I rolled my hips, getting used to the size of him. seungmin glided his hands up to my waist and lifting me up. coming back down, completely becoming full once again. the head of cock hitting my g-spot perfectly. I moaned out as seungmin set the pace. I looked at him, sweat beading down his face, eyes closed from pleasure. he looks so hot like this.

I started coming down more roughly as I leaned down to kiss his lips. seungmin wrapped his arms around my back, keeping me in place. thrusting up into me. “oh fuck!” I cried out, digging my head in his neck. “I love how you feel in me.” I said, placing kisses on his neck. seungmin threaded his hand in my hair and pulled my head up. making me keep eye contact with me. “I love how me clench around me pretty.” he said, making me moan. “I’m wanna cum minnie.” I whined out. seungmin shook his head, “not yet pretty.” he said. 

seungmin sat up with me still in his embrace. “off.” he commanded, lifting me off of him before I could protest. I watched as he sat up on his knees. “turn around, hand and knees.” he said, jerking off his cock. I quickly did so, arching my back and face laid on the pillow. with one hand he held on hip and lined up, teasing me by rubbing against clit. I moaned, moving my hips back. “how bad do you want to cum y/n?” seungmin said. “so bad. please make me cum minnie.” I pleaded. he pushed back into me with one stroke. slowly pulling out and thrusting back in hard, angling his hips till he found me g-spot again. I nearly screamed as he picked up the pace. I held the bed sheets in my fist tightly. the knot in the pit of my stomach becoming strong. “cum. wanna cum.” I said, trying to look back at him.

seungmin slid his right hand down under on body, meeting my clit. rubbing messy circles. I closed my eyes as my high snapped when hips thrusted a few more times. “oh fuck!” i screamed as I creamed over him. “jesus.” seungmin said, removing his hand to place it back on my hip with his other hand. he pounded into me with sloppy thrusts till he couldn’t handle it no more. seungmin pulled out and jerked off his cock, coming all over my bare back with a tight grip on my hip- most likely it was going to leave bruises.

I relaxed my body from exhaustion as seungmin got up and reached for something on the ground. I didn’t even bother seeing, wanting to take a nap now or have a snack. I couldn’t really wait what I wanted. I felt something by dragged across my back, cleaning his cum off me. once he was done, he placed a kiss on my back. right below my neck. seungmin laid next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I placed my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as it was starting to slow down from our activities. seungmin started laughing, I looked up at with tired eyes. “nothing, take a nap.” he said, playing an arm under his head. I placed my head back in it’s place, slowly falling asleep. 

“your teddy bear watches us have sex.” I heard him say, making me burst into hard laughter.

[curieklei]

hiii so english isn't my first language and i'm learning more about gender and trans stuff and if i might be trans or something (i've been told i sound agender?? but that feels wrong), and something that confuses me, so i'm asking around abt it… "woman" used to simply denote afab, right? like a body type of ppl with a biological (not surgical) vagina & estrogen puberty. like a female dog. ppl say that it reduces women to their genitals, but what about with other animals? like female cat, female horse, etc, just bc we say "oh she's a girl" or "oh i have a male dog" doesn't mean we're saying they're only their genitals in that case, right…? a bitch is just a female dog, that's why it's a misogynistic word. misogyny is based on how ppl see someone without a penis as lesser, bc they don't have the power to forcibly penetrate and feel genital pleasure for it, they can't impregnate, they're "just a hole" etc. like so much of misogyny is just body-specific. the misogyny transfems experience seems terrible but also conditional? bc if they're found out to be amab they're treated as creepy men, so they then stop experiencing misogyny, they just face usually homophobia. meanwhile bio women (and transmascs who don't transition) have no exit door to the misogyny unless they transition and pass perfectly as male or something, and historically that wasn't an option. to me man & woman have always been neutral body types until i came across trans stuff, and i think the idea of gendered brains sounds sexist af. like gender seems like bullshit, i see me being a woman as just like being a female cat, i don't have ~womanly~ vibes in my brain, i was just born female and that's the least important thing about me, but male society made it weird. why should gender continue to be a thing? what does gender actually mean, if sexism was to be eradicated? is it bad if i view my womanhood as just a body type? most cis people i've talked to view their "gender" like this, as just a body type, like any other animal. they don't "feel" like one, they just have the body and aren't dysphoric about it. they might not always like it, but they don't have dysphoria about it, so they just… are. is that transphobic? i've heard mixed thoughts about it from trans ppl & activists, i'm just curious. feel free to ignore this lol ;;

Edit: A person in the replies has informed me that those may be are terf talking points disguised as questions to avoid suspicion so take this anon with a grain of salt. I'm keeping this post just in case anon is genuinely curious or something.

From what I see, reducing the societal importance of biological sex is indeed what's slowly happening, but it's definitely not in the same stage everywhere. It takes years for a person to unlearn something they were told their whole life, it takes generations for biological sex to lose importance.

I'll go over your questions:

Why should gender continue to be a thing?

I think you meant biological sex here. It's important to keep a little bit of it for medical purposes. Also imo it's possible for a culture to give it importance without ending up with a system that makes people feel awful sometimes.

What does gender actually mean, if sexism is to be eradicated?

I guess it'll just be a trait of a person in a similar way skin color is a trait of someone's body but like, with way more dimensions. It's kinda hard to put rules around this. Maybe it's just an answer to the question "What am I?".

Is it bad I view my womanhood as just a body type?

Lol do what you want it's your womanhood, your body and your you. There's nothing bad here and you're free to decide for yourself.

Is [not feeling much gender about your body] transphobic?

Doesn't feel transphobic to me, but anyone reading this is free to give their own take on this and the rest of what you said.

Idk what else to say so thanks for the ask and have a safe self discovery journey! Feel free to dm me or send another ask if you want to talk or me to add something to this.

[myopicry]

Helloooo long time no see!

Read the post you reblogged about men always thinking that they're always right and objective, and honestly I think it might be (partially) bc if they DIDN'T act or think this way, then they'd have to analyse their own thoughts and behaviour in relation to the patriarchal society (even the most mysoginistic man knows he lives in a patriarchy imo).

They'll have to put so many things about themselves into question as well as the system they're part of, and that's something which I believe is harder to do when you're in a position of privilege in said system. Sure, they might have no problem recognising their privilege in terms of "men are better than women har har har I am part of the superior sexe", but not in the "negative" way.

I feel like it could tie into the "not all men!!" thing which sometimes gets obnoxious these days. There's a defensiveness and wanting to not go TOO in depth in analysis because of what that'll inevitably lead to. There's a need to retain positive thoughts about this particular aspect of society because of the part they play in that aspect.

I'd probably have more things to say but I just woke up lol. (keep in mind I have not proof read this so apologies in advance) Hope to hear from you soon!

~🪼

lolol ironically I am answering this as I just woke up time zones are funny

the thing is I kind of get it, why men are so reluctant to think about this kind of stuff. it is a bit challenging on anyone to upend their entire comfortable worldview for something more truthful because it does come with having to confront all the ways you've been wrong and have wronged in the past (literally my experience of peaking and desisting lmao) so, to me it definitely makes sense that the last thing men want to do is truly confront their privileges and their place in the world in relation to women, because they're probably going to find themselves on reflection quite guilty for many, many transgressions and things that probably conflict with their moral character and self-view. that being said, imo it's more than a bit cowardly that men won't ever really take this step to truly reflect.

it's not even misogynistic men either, I've talked in depth with a few self-proclaimed progressive men (back when I thought I still needed to actually talk to men lmao) and even if they were "feminists" or were trying to be a different, more respectful of women, person, they would never really interrogate their own treatment of other people, ESPECIALLY women* and make a meaningful effort to change that would require them to put themselves in a vulnerable or lower position than they felt used to. I've seen women reflect and change so much, I think when you're born and raised in a world that tells you all your perceived flaws and works to put you down into a handful of easily digestible roles there's not as insurmountable of a mental hurdle to overcome. still not an excuse for men! if anything, if they're supposed to be so much smarter and reasonable, I'd think they'd jump at the opportunity to become enlightened or whatever.

*god I wish I could do spoiler text on tumblr uhh just look away from this page break dear readers if you don't want some personal blog moments about how men are shitty. nothing explicit just general implied yuck and discussion of sexual harassment.

wow I have no idea why I'm so willing to lay my boring shitty backstory all out on tumblr but here it is!

but essentially of the two men (self-described as progressive or feminist) I knew pretty well, like talking about childhood trauma and personal deep topics, both at some point ended up pushing my boundaries and contributing to I guess the worst mental states I've been in as a young adult. the first time I was too much of a clueless teenager driven by zero self esteem, very untreated anxiety, terrible self deprecation skills, and also zero social awareness coming off of the pandemic, so I ended up in a relationship I didn't really enjoy at all because I wasn't attracted to him romantically or sexually but stayed in out of aforementioned self-loathing and the "obligation" of it all to fit in with my straight girl friends (did not help that I recently realized I had a crush on one of them and really wanted to push down that feeling) and the cultural norms I saw around me and my family. the second time I was lost in the gender juice, dissociated from my body to the max, and IDed as aroace lmao but was also very lonely (and once again was developing feelings for a straight girl holy shit I'm writing this and maybe I should stop knowing so many straight girls lmao) but luckily I was older and cut that shit out (not fast enough to not have experiences and time to regret and have boundaries violated ugh) anyway this guy told me his sad backstory about being a sexually harassing little shit in middle school but also had a really bad home life and high school experience and even after I kept giving him (not to brag) amazing advice to get his shit together and see women as people, he kept avoiding actually doing the work. In hindsight, I think the only reason he even listened to me talk and told me all this was because he believes in the "queer identity culture" stuff (bisexual + he/they lmao) and since I didn't label myself as a woman + was attempting to pass he must have "not considered me a woman" enough to immediately write off. yet he still assumed he could push my boundaries unlike how he would treat other men. curious.

anyway, tldr!! yeah men are shit and even progressive men are their own kind of self-blinded shit. they're fine as acquaintances, even some could be okay as friends, but I guess I've learned to not expect much out of them. maybe this is cynical, but it becomes much easier when you look for their value first, before leading with the natural empathy to befriend on an equal level. always keep the upper hand. this might not make a lot of sense I should write a separate post about it hmmm anyway

anon thank you for visiting again!! I'm sorry for the wall of text followed by the wall of text but I assume you keep coming back because you actually enjoy walls of text, so I hope you get something out of this set of walls of text!! and more walls of text to come! I've been in a very "sorting through the archives of my life and coming to terms with everything leading up to now" and it's been great for a lot of self-reflecting writing ideas. unlike men, I hope after truly confronting the events of my life and breaking it down, I will change and be aware of my (many, many) faults and become a much better person for it.

[lnsfawwi]

Ace!Steve thought:

Steve was raised Catholic. he knew later in life that masterbation and sex outside of marriage was normal, even people from his church did it

The church made sexual desire out to be some devil, Steve spent half his childhood fearing it, but that devil never came for him. Steve was 16 and he overheard boys at school talking about sex and Bucky too. the first time Bucky did it with a girl, he told Steve all about it under the duvet, all hushed and excited. it was the best feeling he's ever had. Bucky told him.

so Steve tried. masterbation. he couldn't even get off the first couple of times, so he thought it was just another thing wrong with him.

he never wanted a girl. or a guy, for that matter.

he did date. and very occasionally he'd actually enjoy it. he liked communicating with ppl, hanging out and having fun. he kissed a girl once, on their second date. it was good, but not great as other boys described, and he was sure he didn't want to have sex with her.

he stopped dating her cus he didn't want to face all the “why don't you want it” inquiry from her or Bucky. Bucky was great, he was wonderful, perfect, but nosy sometimes.

he'd rather spending time w Bucky anyway.

he did get off though, w no one particular in mind.

ok that was a lie. he was trying to think about some girl, some girl from Bucky's colorful tales. but it ended up being Bucky, Bucky's hands sliding up and down a curvy body, fingers flicking the pink buds, mouth sucking on the delicate, soft skin. his cock, hard and thick, sliding in and out of the area between the legs (Steve didn't know what that looked like so the image was just Bucky).

he felt good physically, awful mentally. he tried to convince himself that that was just bc he lacked any point of reference except for Bucky's words and Bucky himself.

he still didn't want sex.

he still liked Bucky the most. and Bucky stopped messing around with girls after Steve's ma died, too busy keeping them fed. Steve liked that too.

they shared a bed sometimes, for warmth or comfort, and Steve would remember that time he touched himself w Bucky in mind. he liked touching Bucky, Bucky felt nice. but he didn't particularly want to touch him in a sexual way, no more than he wanted to touch himself, which was almost never. almost.

he thought the serum would fix him, his dick, to be exact. it didn't. but it was ok, they were at war anyway.

and then it was ok too, cus ppl did expect Captain America to be a prude.

one day, Sam and he were on their way to Turkey to chase a lead, and Sam asked, “so were you guys ever...?”

“ever what?”

“lovers.”

“no. Why would you think...”

“hey, sorry man. It's just, maybe I was reading into things. no offense.”

“I'm not offended, I'm just...” Steve paused for a while, “I do love him.”

“I get it.”

“no. I mean...I, I used to think about, future. After the war. And, I couldn't...I don't know. I couldn't imagine myself with another person. And I couldn't stomach the thought of him with one either. I thought, and I still think the years before the war, when we lived together that's all I want. Just us, broke as fuck but we'd always have each other. And we could always visit his folks cus they were just 20 minutes away.” Steve sighed, “I know how it sounds. I knew homosexuality before you were born, Sam. I'm not...I don't want him that way. Sexually, I mean. I just...”

“you just want to spend the rest of your life with him.”

“yeah.”

“Steve, I ask this sincerely, do you want to have sex, with anyone, man or woman?”

“not really, no.”

“ok. right. So I guess whatever crash course on modern sexuality SHIELD gave you left out this one.” Sam typed something on his phone and showed it to him, “It's a real new concept compared to homosexuality. Literally a 21 century invention, so it makes sense that you didn't know, and that's why it confuses you.”

Steve read it. Asexual. There was a related term, aromantic. The two were not in anyway mutually exclusive, or bound together.

Suddenly everything made sense. The selfish possessiveness he had for Bucky, the incompatibility of the desire to be intimate but not sexually, and the soul crushing love he's never had for anyone but Bucky, it all made sense.

“oh.” he gasped. “I'm in love with him.”

[seospicybin]

LMAO okay, so I read the tags on your last ask, and when you said that you and Changbin should kiss bc he's a leo and you're a leo, all of a sudden, I'm looking up if leos are compatible with leos, and I guess you're in luck lol.

Yes, two leos would make a good pair bcs who else know their characters as well as another Leo. Talking about two lions on a bed, YUM!!!!! But two fixed fire signs? I wouldn't recommend. I dated another leo once and we were so in love to the point that we were so obsessive with each other, it was good but not healthy 😬 (but Changbin, hey! I'd like to try if you're interested 😉) most of my friends are leos though, and they're loyal asf.

Compatibility speaking, leo would make an everlasting relationship with Libra (Hi Bangchan!) Leo is a born leader and Libra have a strong sense of fairness and they're intelligent (Genius Bang!) And diplomatic, things of what a true leader needs, we would make a great team/pair! Leo is a fire sign and Libra is an air sign, and if they fan the flames just right, we make one power couple.

But here's the catch, I'm always attracted to Scorpios! They're mysterious, sexy and intense (just look at Lee Know!) And all that are what intrigues a Leo. Leo and Scorpio would wreak havoc in bed bcs we both have high sexual drives but romantically speaking, and not only bcs water and fire sign not make a good combo, it's the nature of a Scorpio that always wants to dominate the other all the while leo is a dominant as well (and I happen to be one hell of a brat) there'd be a lot of arguments going but the make up sex would be UH-MAY-ZING!

Leo and pisces, we both creative and have high appreciation for arts (I mean, hello, have you seen Hyunjin's paintings?) We both love being in love, let's say we would make a hopeless romantic couple but pisces is too introverted and could be very sensitive. There'll be a lot of misunderstanding and dramas in our relationship so I'm not sure if we'll make a good match, but who knows?

Meanwhile Leo and virgo would work if there's an opposite attraction ONLY and somehow that's true! Felix and Han and Seungmin have quite the opposite characteristics with leo, they're so serious and sometimes too emotional, could make a good pair, just not a recommended one. But listen, my bias is Felix and I totally get it, I can settle with being bestfriends with the virgo line (maybe a little feeling involved won't hurt either 🤭)

Leo and Aquarius. Fire and water sign, a total opposite attraction. We both social, both open-minded, we share same values abt big goals and dreams and would be supportive towards each other. While Leo often use their emotions, Aquarius tend to use their logic, and Aquarius is aloof and Leo would probably mistaken it for uncaring? Bcs fyi, leos don't like being ignored. The kind of relationship that when they broke up, they'd find their way back to each other again. (Yang Jeongin, I don't mind getting my heart broken by you 🥲)

Babe, trust me, the first thing i did when i stan skz is to check their birthcharts then our compatibilities. I'm not like a hundred percent invested in all these though, it's just a fun way to get to know someone's characters and since I'm a writer, it kind of help me to build a character for my fics.

Pls don't take it seriously, I'm not an astrologer nor my take on zodiacs truly represents them in real life, it all comes back to that person's personality.

And idk why I ended up ranting about my zodiac compatibility with skz members here, so sorry 😆 -f

P.s. If you're a libra and happen to be Bangchan, pls hit me up 📲

But if you're a Scorpio and ready to tame me, Lee Know pls hit me up 📲

[darkshrimpemotions]

yo i dont wanna discourse on ppls posts and cant message u, u can decide whether to post this or not, but i just wanna say that the reason ppl call az/crowley homophobic is bc gaiman only made them word of god genderless Because people were saying oh theyre acted by two cis men so their relationship would be gay.

i, as a nonbinary queer person, wouldve loved if it had been a genuine thought out piece of representation, but it wasnt, he just said it because he didnt want people interpreting his characters as queer, and continued to do so when people said ok but theyd still be having gay sex and he said well angels are sexless and (i cant remember if he said so actually theyd be asexual or if ppl just took it that way).

im really sorry if this is news to you and obviously i dont speak for everyones opinion and interpretation of characters, but gaiman's word of god nonbinary and (again iirc) asexual canonization of them was unfortunately Not him trying to give more nuanced/marginalized rep, it Was born of homophobia because he didnt want people to see his characters as being gay/having gay sex. thats why people call it homophobic. :( again sorry but i hope this explanation helped show where others are coming from when they call it homophobic :(((

They literally cast a non-binary actor to play a non-binary character and openly showed this in marketing as a positive point for the show. They literally did non-gendered casting where they picked whoever was right for the part regardless of gender and also proudly used that fact in marketing. They had angels and demons alike be gender nonconforming/androgynous in appearance on purpose because they are stated in the book written 30+ years ago to be genderless. But go off I guess? Sure, no thought went into it, it was allllllllll just a panicked reaction to people suggesting Aziraphale and Crowley might have gay sex! /s

No seriously, all of this is so wrong I don't even know where to begin, and the "gee golly I guess you didn't know" tone doesn't help like, at all. Maybe that wasn't your intention, but I have actually read the book. I've been a fan of Neil's for years. I watched the show when it first dropped and read every single thing the man has said about it, both here and on IG and in interviews.

He was writing queer representation long before it was considered profitable or "woke" to do so (and even when it could actually have hurt his career to do so). He has been an advocate for queer people and our stories since before I was born. He has openly owned up to instances where his attempts were imperfect, and taken steps in modern adaptations to update the material based on his increased understanding. In short, you could not be more incorrect.

Neil Gaiman has also made a consistent habit, since long before Good Omens, of two things: 1) he will not answer questions about his writing with his own headcanons, ONLY what he (or in this case he and Terry) intentionally put down on the page or screen. 2) Beyond that, he leaves EVERYTHING up to fans' interpretation, because he believes once a story is released, it belongs to the fans.

This isn't new. He was like this long before the GO adaptation. And only after being pressed repeatedly and called homophobic for increasingly stupid reasons did he finally explain that no, he would not confirm Aziraphale and Crowley as gay (because genderless) but that didn't mean they weren't queer. And he still left room for fans to see what they wanted, just refused to pretend to have been writing something one way when he wrote it another. When frankly it would have been so much easier to be like "oh yeah totally they were gay men the whole time." But no. He was writing agender romance, not gay romance. That's still queer representation.

And the willful decision by scores of people to read that as homophobia is either a function of ignorance, or bad faith, or both. But I'm really tired of seeing it written down as fact when the evidence is literally there on his own fucking tumblr account that this isn't the case.

[arofili]

i haven't read the silmarillion or anything related but i was wondering how do elves's fëas work?? like i read somewhere about them sharing this fëa bond with people they marry so their fëas meet and that's what makes the marriage marriage in the first place. but im not really sure about that, don't people's fëas normally touch even if they're not married? and what happens if they do touch? this is weirdly specific but im just curious,,,you don't have to answer if you don't want to ofc! thank you if you do answer my curiosities haha and you still don't, ty too! (i asked you this bc i feel like you have a lot of knowledge about elfs)

Hey anon! So, a lot of what you're talking about is fanon, though it does have basis in canon. From "Laws and Customs among the Eldar" we learn about fëar and hröar and elvish (largely Noldorin, to be specific) marriage customs.

It's worth noting, though, that LaCE underwent many revisions and is a highly dubious document as it was written in-universe by Aelfwine, a mortal from the 9th century CE who found the Straight Road to Valinor. That concept in and of itself is a framing device for Tolkien's "translation" of the Red Book into English, and isn't one he kept consistent throughout his writing or one he was ever fully satisfied with - it never made it into the texts published within his lifetime, and doesn't make an appearance in the published Silm, either. And as I said in a previous meta dealing with LaCE:

Maybe this is something Tolkien changed his mind on between writing LaCE and writing this section of what became the published Silm. Or maybe this is an in-universe distinction: the in-universe writer of LaCE is unclear but implied to be a human, not an elf, possibly Aelfwine; the writer of the Silm as we see it is Christopher Tolkien’s edits of JRRT’s translation of Bilbo’s translation of Noldorin loremasters, the chief of whom was Pengolodh. It’s complicated.

That being said:

LaCE doesn't actually offer that much information on the nature of elvish fëar in relation to marriage. We do get the quote that "It was the act of bodily union that achieved the marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete." Since human concepts of marriage are mostly legal/social engagements, and by no means indissoluble, this strongly implies something different is going on with elven fëar when they marry, but it's not stated outright. Still, the wording of "bond" in relation to "marriage" gives rise to the fan-embellished concept of a "marriage bond" that is very popular in fic/meta about elf marriages.

This concept is further supported by the description that a "greater share and strength of their being, in mind and body" is required for elves to create children (when compared to Men). It implies a closeness between a married couple where their "minds" (aka fëar) are as involved in the child-making process as their bodies. Later it is specified that after marriage, elves remain individual people with individual "gifts of mind and body that differ" - a strange thing to emphasize if there was not the possibility for misconstruing married elves as becoming literally one being.

For elves, marriage is forever: the Valar state that "marriage resides ultimately in the will of the fëa." Yet later in the same paragraph, it is explained that elves who are re-embodied need to be married again, because marriage is also of the body and the first body had perished. Confusing!

There are more notes about fëar in this essay, and the concept is mentioned in other places as well, but that's the basic gist of the concept AFAIK. (I highly recommend perusing LaCE yourself if you're interested in this topic! And remember that this is fandom, you can accept or discard certain aspects of the document as you see fit. I know I do.)

Most of your questions deal in extrapolation from canon - I would argue there's a strong basis for the concept of a marriage bond in LaCE, but it's not explicitly spelled out. I can't give you firm answers, but here are my personal headcanons about fëar and bonds. Everything that follows is headcanon, unless I explicitly state otherwise.

Elves are born with bonds with their parents; these bonds are important for the health and happiness of a growing child. (There's another line in LaCE about how the parting of parents and children in their youth is "a grievous thing," which is my starting place for this particular headcanon.) I also think that they have bonds with their siblings, though this is less supported; I just think that living with and sharing parents with someone is likely to foster the slower/less formal creation of a bond. Twins, however, are born with strong bonds between one another, having shared a womb.

(I also think certain Unbegotten elves - aka the first 144 elves who awoke at Cuiviénen - came into being with bonds, thus allowing for Unbegotten elves to have siblings, like Elwë, Olwë, and Elmo. But you could also argue that, depending on how you deal with timelines, those three brothers are not Unbegotten and were born the "normal" way.)

Then there are chosen bonds. These are the kind we hear discussed (albeit vaguely) in LaCE. Marriage bonds specifically are formed when elves "unite in body" and invoke the name of Eru. My personal (aroace) take on this is that sex makes the process of bonding much easier and faster, the naming of Eru and the intent to bond is what's really important, so if a couple would rather not have sex they can still bond. And it also opens up room for debate on which specific sexual acts count when it comes to bonding, what would happen if Eru's name wasn't invoked, etc.

But I also think bonds can be created in contexts other than marriage - found family, for example. I've seen this most discussed in the context of Kidnap Dads, but it could apply in many scenarios: you decide you want X person to be part of your family, and that means you want to bond with them. In the case of orphaned children, if you go with the idea that they need a parent-child bond in order to develop properly, this could provide substitute/adoptive parents to fill that role. Or it could be that you feel like a certain person is your sibling, but you weren't born of the same parents, but you still want them to officially be your family, so you form a sibling-bond with them. These are bonds that occur without the ~physical union~, and therefore take more time and effort, and thus are less common - but they do happen.

All these bonds are basically the same in terms of function: they make ósanwë (mind-to-mind/telepathic communication) much easier and more natural, they connect two fëar together in an indissoluble way, they show a depth of commitment and love between the bonded eldar. But they are valued differently in society, and created/brought into being in different circumstances.

As for fëar "touching" - that is, in my opinion, poetic license for communication/closeness through such a bond. If you touch your spouse's fëa, for example, that's connecting with them to see how they're feeling, possibly passing along comfort or a message, etc. This "touching" is basically ósanwë, I guess? Which, in my headcanon, you can do if you're not bonded to someone, it just takes more effort and closer proximity if you don't have a bond in place.

Hope this helps, anon! Feel free to send in another ask if you have more questions!

[bciwasinlove]

Hi. I have not been on twitter or even in the fandom long enough so i came here to ask you about something. What's with the song claiming thing? Suddenly ziams are claiming songs that have been claimed as larry song. No I'm not gate keeping. Pardon my word choice.I'm not English. But I'm just curious. As long as i have been in this fandom, no control was a larry song the moment it came out and everyone was ok with it and even ziams never claimed it before.now suddenly they are like oh liam also wrote it? Home has always been larry song considering the timeline, him leaking and all, ziams never claimed it before, now suddenly home is a ziam song too? 18 was taken as a larry song from the moment ed said it was written from 1D perspective and everyone was ok with it considering how Louis used to literally serenade Harry like turning his whole body,changing pronouns etc. No one had a problem untill now. Suddenly in 2020/21 ziams are claiming it. Why didn’t they do it before? Why now? I'm just curious.

Warning selfies have been a thing with Louis for years. Now suddenly it is linked with liam too? How? Did he do it before or something? I genuinely don't know. So let me know plz.

The whole devlin thing, devlin album came out in 2017 i guess and they comparing Louis tweet with zayn tweeting that is from 2016. How does that make sense?

Also some people say larry closeting didn’t work but ziam did...awful thing to say. If it didn’t work then there wouldn’t be so many antis and they are still going through so much. People wouldn’t believe Harry dates every woman that breaths around him. And they claim there are two bbg in ziam relationship right? Why did they need two bbg if it worked? I mean if the closeting worked? Bbg has nothing to do with relationships.

Idk if ziam was real or not but I'm sure gigi was pregnant, she had that symptoms, pregnancy glow,tired face and all. Now whoever the father may be..idk.

I'm not convinced about ziam and how does that make me hypocrite? Also there are some "if this counts(larry),this counts too(ziam)" thread. what's with the comparison?

Sorry about the rant.

Hello anon wow this is long a lot to unpack so I'll start with your song questions.

Idk why ziammies are suddenly trying to claim songs that have ALWAYS been larry related. Especially when Liam said in an interview that Louis and him were a song writing duo for 1D BUT that he wrote the melodies and it was Louis who wrote the song lyrics. Last I checked melodies don't equal meaning of a song so how are these songs about ziam?

Some examples of this....

They are trying to claim Home but Liam said the song was personal to Louis and how when he read the lyrics he didn't want to change them. Home is also a direct response to If I Could Fly with ONLY Harry on the credits. Home was leaked by Louis the night of Belfest when Larry found out BG was being taken pasted the birth of a kid and it pissed off Louis so he leaked Home as payback bc it was clearly a loud song management didn't want on the album.

They are trying to claim 18 but the song was written by Ed who said [compared to other 1D songs he wrote for them] he wrote 18 with a 1D member in mind. [That is why we claim the song at all.] Ed was closeted in the band to Harry next being Louis and Niall he was the least closeted to Zayn and Liam. Side note Ed has a song called Friends that he said was about 2 friends of his who fell in love and when a fan yelled L&H he laughed/smirked and said init so it makes the most sense 18 was written with Harry in mind. Plus 18 is about meeting/loving someone sense they were 18 and it was only Louis who was 18 when they all met and it was Harry who would scream NO 16 when singing the song. Also larry changed the lyrics to HIM and would stare directly at each other when singing 18 livem According to ziam MPs ziam weren't a couple until at least 2 years into the band so why would 18 make sense for them also given they were both 17 when they met & none ever went NO 17 when singing it.

They are trying to claim No Control but that song as we know is about the morning after sex and the second round they end up having. Like stated before Louis wrote the lyrics to 1D songs and Niall plus Larry always made it DAMN CLEAR what that song was about. Also remember when Harry would always jam out hard core when Louis would sing his part in No Control aka majority of the song. Yeah that song is Louis song no doubt.

They try to claim Alive which makes no sense bc Zayn nor Liam is on the credits at all only Louis. They say it's bc Liam said he related to the song ok I see that but still he didn't write it and still how does this song equate to ziam? Alive is more a song used as proof Louis isn't straight bc it's about self exceptance of who you are even tho others around you for along time made u feel there is something wrong with you. It's about Louis who is more confident part way through the story being told and then helping his lover [who seems to be a bit insecure about themselves] except and love who they are. Since Liam didn't write on it the relationship aspect couldn't be about him and Zayn. Since he said he just relates to Alive at BEST it could mean he might not be straight but it can't be used as proof of who his partner is when he didn't write on it.

There's others but I think you get the point they have always been larry or hinting at Louis sexuality songs so I don't get why or how they are suddenly saying their ziam songs? Myself @lovemylarents and @fearlessmoon09 think bored people in quarantine is what happened to change the landscape.

To your next question warning selfies...

So warning selfies was something Louis did everytime something BG stunt related was going to happen. He started it and did it a ton back in 2016/17 when BG stunting was massive for him. Liam never had anything to do with warning selfies and Louis warning selfies were ALWAYS like I said BG related so suddenly ziammies going Liam does warning selfies for things involving Maya or Gigi makes no sense. It was ALWAYS a Louis thing.

For the Devlin thing...

You hit the nail on the coffin with that one the album with the song Cold Blooded that had the lyrics "so is it true XXXX fathered a baby? I don't really think so, if you ask me he don't like ladies. Could have been HARRY, yeah, I bet it was HARRY" [emphasis on Harry bc I saw a ziammie change the lyrics to Liam] came out in 2017 while Zayns tweet was done in 2016. Unlike Louis tweet which was specifically about this album not just the artist and tweeted during the height of BG stunting. So not the best comparison. They really should fact check before making these "larries are hypocrites" threads bc veteran larries know and fact check everything.

Next thing you mentioned what I call their slogan "larries closeting didn't work but ziams did that is why less talk about/believe in ziam then larry" piss me off so much and what you said it right. If larry's closeting didn't work then we wouldn't be here complaing about how the GP sees Harry as a queerbaiting womanizer, how solo henries who want to have sex and suck Harry's dick exist and how some locals don't want to join Louis fandom bc they think Louis and his fans are homophobic or that twarries exist thinking Louis is a deadbeat dad. Tell me again ziammies how their closeting didn't work? It is so invalidating to everything larry has been put through. Also if larry's closeting didn't work but ziams did then why did they need 2 BGs for Ziam and only one for Larry? Myself @kaybutlarry @babyhoney-28 and @onlythebravestan are still waiting on an answer to that question haven't gotten one.

As you said about Gigi yes she definitely looked more pregnant then Briana ever did. The reason I don't believe in their BG with Gigi is bc their story is inconsistenent. Side note back when Liam had a kid no one besides a few on tumblr ever said it was BG 2.0 they didn't start saying BG 2&3 until Gigi happened. Back to inconsistenences so their original story when we first learned Gigi was pregnant was it's fake just like Briana there's no kid, then when Gigi did the livesteam showing she had a bump and a round face you get when pregnant the story changed to she's pregnant the kid is just not Zayn's.

Then I recently saw some who [after the kid was born] went back to the story the kid is fake there is no kid OR they are using a child actor. Unlike Louis BG they don't have a consistent story that makes sense. Also the kids are never shown unlike with Louis kid F gets posted every damn day with creepy and bad photoshop, and a million articles about how he is Louis twin to shove it down our throats the kid is Louis. The situations have NEVER been the same with Louis vs even just Liam kid.

To your last point ziammies keep calling and making threads about how larries are hypocrites bc we don't believe what they do which is damn annoying bc they constantly say just leave us alone why do you care we exist but then constantly make threads like that getting mad we aren't all ziammies. If your going to make threads against us then yeah were going to say something and respond to your threads the way we would to a debunking larry anti thread. Their threads like that are either using funny coincidences of larry that we don't use as concrete proof to compare to ziam OR their ziam version of our proof has been debunked already like the Ziam Levine Stylinson sticker on the bears. [If you want more info on that ask @lovemylarents.]

They constantly take what is a larry proof and say it's also about ziam [Example the songs] or have a ziam proof that mirrors a larry proof. [Example the devlin thing or selfies] In their threads they always compare miniscule larry things that aren't our MAIN proof. See the miniscule proofs are the house and the big proofs are the concrete foundation that without it those miniscule things would not be able to really count as proof of larry and the larry house would fall. Ziammies ONLY have miniscule proof not a very solid foundation so I'm unsure how long their house will last.

I have been in this fandom for 10 years I have seen MANY ships come and go [Examples: Ziam, Ziall and Narry] but the one ship that has always been here was Larry. Larries have been here for 10 years, Larries are the ones who are talked about in the media, Larries are the ones constsntly gaslighted, Larry is the one ship that needs to be denied a bunch [poorly might I add] there's NEVER been any other ship or ship group people have hated, gone against or talked about this much besides Larries/Larry.

Funny [not for us] but funny that Liam goes through all the trouble of gaslighting Larries and talking about EVERY Louis stunt but he never mentioned Ziam which is a ship that actually involves him or the Ziammies who say Bear isn't his kid. Why did he talk about US and not THEM which involve him? Also funny Liam can easily say the word Ziam but Louis can't pronounce an EASY @ just bc it has the word Eroda in it.

My mutrals and I all agreed we didn't give af that ziammies existed until they kept talking shit about how we aren't ziams to and then go why are larries acting like antis hating us. First off it was NEVER larries hating on them it was toxic solo Zsquad and solo Liam stans who were. We didn't get involved until the entire tl was LARRIES ARE HATING US AND BEING HYPOCRITES. Second off and my last thought it's easy if you don't want us in your replies then don't make threads about us being hypocrites and use easily debunked ziam proof or miniscule larry proof to mirror bc we will point it out bc you think were hypocrites thank you.

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol 17

I am,,, confused. Thoroughly. Did I read this too fast? Am I misunderstanding? This book felt like a series of "What? Huh? What? Huh? What? Whuhh?? Huhhhhh?????" and I am kinda bewildered.

So let's talk about it,,, somehow.

It starts with Shigure and Hatori talking about Akito's meltdown at New Year's, and how apparently Shigure tried to comfort Akito, but Akito was having none of it. The topic of Kureno came up, and how he just seems off, disconnected, in a sense, and also how Akito seems to have chosen Kureno above all the other Juunishi.

Panning over to Kureno, in the previous book Momiji gave him the CD of the play, "Sorta Cinderella". He seemed pretty affected by the things that Uotani said, but they also reminded him of moments with Akito, when he was younger. He calls Shigure later, asking for Tohru, which Shigure finds odd. What business would the two of them have? But it turns out that later, Tohru does run into Kureno, on her way to the store. She was squatting next to a bunch of birds, and when he showed up, they flew away. This is important at all, because that isn't what usually happens to the animals that the Juunishi share a spirit with (agh how to phrase things), in fact it's the opposite. Tohru asks Kureno about this, and then he solidifies any questions by hugging her and,,,, nothing happens. Somehow, he isn't affected by the curse. It has no hold on him, he won't turn into a bird (I suppose a rooster, specifically, which is kinda sad bc I was looking forward to that, in a little way. It'd be funny, if nothing else) if he gets really weak or sick, or if he hugs someone of the opposite sex.

Tohru asks him how this happened, and when, but Kureno doesn't really know. It happened randomly one day, a while back, but he has no idea was triggered it. It's just that, one day, he was vibin, doing his thing, and it just happened. No one else in the family knows, he's just been pretending that he's still a Juunishi. Kureno also said that he can't be with Uotani, that the CD was a wasted attempt, because he's promised to be with and take care of another person, that person being Akito. Kureno makes it clear, though, that he still does care for Uotani, but he just can't be with her. This whole time, it's been switching between the current interaction between Kureno and Tohru, and flashing back to when Kureno first realized that the curse broke for him, and Akito was just fucking losing his mind, screaming and shit. He begged for Kureno to stay, regardless of the curse (btw, at this point, Kureno's a teenager, and Akito's still a little kid, so it was a little while ago), and Kureno said that he would promise to stay with Akito, stay by his side, pretend that he's still a Juunishi, etc.

And then, at the end of the chapter, something is revealed: apparently Akito's a girl. To be honest, I'm not really sure what to do with this information. As far as I can remember, it doesn't really have much to do with anything. Why has he (she? fuck. I have no idea.) been presenting as a boy this whole time? Because his mom forced him, since he was born. Why did she do that? I don't know, it didn't say in this book. Hopefully it fucking clarifies later on, because I'm just getting vibes from that one Insidious movie, with that ghost/demon person. Wasn't that their deal? Something like that. Reversed, but something like that. Idk, I was too busy being scared shitless to think about the intricacies of the plot.

Anyway, so Akito's apparently a girl, but has been raised as a boy. Four of the Juunishi know this: Shigure, Hatori, Ayame, and Kureno, because they were all kids when Akito was born. Apparently, when Akito's mom (her name is Ren) was pregnant with Akito, they all came to her and were crying and shit, acting super weird. Like, they all just knew that Akito would be the God.

As a fun side note, Ren and Akito fucking hate each other. Just,, so much. Is there a person in the Sohma family that doesn't have familial issues, because it just seems like there are a lot of people who do. I think maybe Kagura doesn't? I haven't seen anything saying she has issues. Nothing much has been said about Shigure's, Hatori's, or Kureno's families, so maybe they're okay? I dunno, but one of the things that specifically shows up between Ren and Akito, is that Ren does not believe in the "bond" that Akito and the rest of the Juunishi have, saying that it's a fake love, that, if given the choice, the Juunishi would not behave or treat Akito the way they do, which is kinda true. From what I read about when Yuki first met Akito, there were a lot of conflicting feelings, ranging from "I hate you but also I never want to be away from you" to "This is hell on earth just being near this person but also to be away from this person is agony", and like, whoa. That's a lot. I doubt it's like that at all anymore, but there has been some mentions that Akito does have some higher hold on the Juunishi than other people do.

All this said and done, I still want to know more. I am heavily curious. I'd like to know more about Akito's whole situation. I'm glad he's not just a one-dimensional "bad guy", but dang, some of this stuff, it just feels like it's coming out of left field. (Is that a baseball thing? That sounds like a baseball thing. Idioms are weird.)

By the time that Kureno leaves, Tohru's a wreck. She's crying, and confused, and just,,, yikes. (I kinda was too, but just the confused part.) And so who comes to the rescue than Hanajima, and also Hanajima, but the small one. (I realized recently that most of these people are referred to by their first names, except for like, Uotani and Hanajima, which makes sense. A massive swath of these characters would all be "Sohma". It'd be confusing as fuck. But still. Idk) Hanajima felt Tohru's sheer confusion and despair, and Megumi tagged along because why not, y'know?

Hanajima decided that Tohru would stay with her for the night, so that she and Tohru and Uotani could all talk stuff out about what Tohru was upset about. Unfortunately for Shigure, Yuki and possibly Kyo? I don't think he was home at the time but maybe??, that meant that Tohru wasn't making dinner. So Yuki potentially gave Shigure and himself food poisoning, but hey, it's better than takeout, right? (Seriously, Tohru's back must be tired from cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, and dealing with everyone's emotional baggage, she's doing so much. And she still has her own personal shit that she does, like,,, how hasn't she lost her shit yet??)

Tohru says that Kureno was kind, in that he was looking out for other people's feelings and wellfare before his own, and Hanajima says that she (Tohru) does the same thing (which is what Uotani first saw in Kureno, and why she thought that he was like Tohru), but Hanajima worries that the more that Tohru does that, the more that she carries the worries and troubles of other people, it could end up hurting her. (We love a caring friend that cares) In the end, Uotani tells Tohru that it's okay, that she cares more about the relationships she has now than whatever she might have had with Kureno, which was nice.

Moving onwards, the school is making preparations for graduation! I don't think Tohru and Co. are graduating quite yet (maybe they are idk), but there are these paper flowers that they're making, and for some reason, shenanigans ensue. Like, a group of girls just nabbing a bunch of flowers that Kyo made?? Why? That's really weird of you to do. Stop that. (They were tracked down and forced to make up for all the flowers they stole, because for some reason they wouldn't give back the flowers they stole.) It's kinda weird, I forgot that Kyo is also kinda popular with girls, because usually we only hear from the girls that fawn over Yuki. But yeah, that's a thing for Kyo, as well. Weird, either way.

Now we are at the last chunk of the book, hooray! This isn't as long as the previous one 😬. So, Shigure and Akito got something weird going on. I'm not really sure what to think of it, honestly. Apparently Shigure slept with Ren, and Akito kicked him out of the main house as a punishment, which Shigure did not fight back at all. (wow that was not a large section at all i totally didn't just lose steam and stop right there at all nope not me i don't do that not at all)

I'll admit that part of me is still kinda,, squeamish? I guess? about people in the Sohma household being in relationships, it's just that they all have "Sohma", that is probably messing me up. Idk. It's definitely not a healthy relationship. All kinds of weird tensions and miscommunication abound. It's not a good time.

[pynkhues]

Part 1 First, thank you so so so much for your great insight!! Second, I actually really like S3 (so far) and I would love to hear your thoughts! Regarding BRIO, they are in a very volatile relationship and both are very stubborn and competitive and don't trust each other--of course they aren't jumping into heartfelt conversations. So, im fine with the show making us feel frustrated and like there isn't any progress. I agree that there is a flaw in not showing the effects of 2.13 on Beth's

Part 2 mental health and I would love to see that, but I'm actually ok with that also bc I want Beth to boss up and quite frankly, women are notorious for being too apologetic (although shooting someone might require an apology lmao). I suppose I also find it empowering that she isn’t divorcing Dean (sorry if sensitive topic) bc she is using the marriage to feed her fake image and in turn feed her true desire for crime. In addition, she is keeping Dean in the dark and taking care of their, just

Part 3: as he did in S1. I believe that staying in the marriage and using it for her purposes is actually pretty savvy. I guess I’m saying that while I want to see a more emotional beth for the sake of BRIO, I almost appreciate a female character who isn’t apologetic and letting emotions overcome her, but instead focusing on her business and what she really cares for—money and agency!! That being said, I recognize that it would be even more empowering if she could be emotional and be a boss.

part 4: omg I know this is so long!!! just thought I would offer this different perspective and get your input!! thank you so much if you do answer

I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this ask, anon! It’s just been a crazy couple of months (well, year, haha). It’s great that you enjoyed the season so much! I actually did too, and like every season of Good Girls, have only enjoyed it more on re-watching. I think it’s definitely a show that benefits from being binge-watched, and while the weekly installments are fun, it can also tend to sometimes make it seem like not much happens, when really so much happens. 

As for your ask overall, I agree with a lot of what you’ve said! I’ve broken my reply out into sections (I hope that’s okay).

Beth and Rio’s lack of communication in Season 3

Funnily enough, I actually think they communicated a lot in s3 – they just never had an honest conversation about what happened in s2. They didn’t talk about their intimacy, their break up, Beth’s arrest, the kidnapping or the shooting. It’s not really out of character for them – like you said, they’re stubborn, volatile and they don’t trust each other. They’ve also never had emotionally frank conversations with one another. The closest we’ve ever gotten was the fight over the dubby in 2.07 and the scene at the bar at the start of 3.04 (and even that one was founded on the lie that Beth had ever been pregnant at all). 

That said, I actually do think it was building up to some sort of honesty. The fact that the season wouldn’t quite let go of Beth and Rio’s history, the hitman storyline, then them getting back into business together again as the FBI case re-opened - - something was going to happen, and I feel like we were building to a breaking point. Hopefully we’ll see it in s4!

Beth’s lack of emotional response to shooting Rio

This is a tricky one. I definitely would’ve liked to have seen a bit more from her, but I do love the moments we got – particularly both scenes with Beth in Paper Porcupine in 3.01. The breakneck speed this show moves at means that so much of that emotion was rapidly overwhelmed by her fear and then anger at Rio (which I talked about in this post) that we didn’t really get the chance to breathe (and frankly, neither did Beth). 

Again, I do actually feel like we were building to a breaking point, and I don’t think the show was letting go of the events of 2.13 (I mean, gosh, Rio even brought it up again in 3.11). One of the things this show can do really well is bring things back in unexpected ways (although it can also let things go in ways I wish it didn’t). I am inclined to think though that the shooting was going to be the former and not the latter though, and that something was going to happen in the last five episodes of the season. And again, fingers crossed for us to see that in s4!

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

It’s such an interesting take to view Beth choosing to stay with Dean as something empowering, anon! Particularly because so many people actively view it as the exact opposite, haha. I’m kind of in two-minds about it? I agree that Beth’s more and more using Dean as both a cover and a chess piece to play, but I also think that that’s still being born out of the reality that Beth still needs Dean to survive. No part of her life is stable enough currently to support four children on her own, and I think that married with Beth and Dean’s long, complex history makes their stories hard ones to disentangle. 

That said, I do think the story arc with Boland Bubbles is shaping up to move us in that direction narratively (which I talked about a lot in this post), and I also think the way Beth’s using him now is more deliberate. I mean, compare it to Season 1? Dean was back in the house because he was using and manipulating Beth through the cancer lie. Now, Beth holds a lot more of the cards, and is certainly exerting more control and power over Dean than vice versa, even if Dean also continues to be an unsupportive and philandering husband.

Beth ‘Boss Bitch’ Boland

Yes! I agree, anon! I love that Beth is unapologetic and ruthlessly committed to setting up her business too. She’s such a textured, complicated character, and I’ve really enjoyed seeing her evolve over the three seasons. I think some of the frustration around her character in season 3 though was how few touchstone moments we had with her. In s2, we got scenes that were a lot more revealing of the tumultuous emotions she was feeling – like her furiously stripping her bed after having sex with Rio in 2.09 and her spluttering debate with Ruby and Annie while they sort through pills in 2.06, or her destroying all her baking in 2.10. 

We got less of those sorts of moments in s3, and I think more of those touchstones would’ve helped to root us better in her journey overall. 

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I don't know how to stop being so insecure when it comes to talking to boys or being with boys. I just don't trust them enough, and they make me feel so self conscious. I've been talking to this guy that I like everyday and stuff like that (he apparently likes me too) but sometimes I can't stop thinking that perhaps he's talking to other girls too, or his ex, or just isn't that into me (and I mean how can he if we can't see each other right now literally). +

I mean, even I get bored of the constant texting and phone calls. And tbh I was raised thinking that you can't be too available or easy with boys bc then they loose interest (which happened to me twice, confirming that theory) so now whenever I feel like I'm being too vulnerable or available I shut down (mostly when he leaves me on seen for a couple of hours, which I know seems childish but it makes me feel so insecure. I tend to overthinking every single thing). +

And I also don't know how other girls/boys do it, always finding something different to talk about bc I literally blank out and don't know what else to say. I've never been in a relationship so perhaps that's also it. I'm terrified of being the one to fall for the other person first, of being the one more vulnerable; the one who feels the most for the other person. I've never been in that situation and I don't want to. +

I’ve been waiting a while now but I think the last part didn’t get through. Feel free to send it again for clarification if there was some more important info in it. But I’ll try to give you some thoughts and advice based on those three messages.

If you want to get less insecure I guess it’s important to figure out where that insecurity comes from in the first place. And obviously that can be many little things that add up. From what I read in your messages you seem to be struggling with your self-esteem and almost can’t believe/trust that someone really likes you when they say they do. You can only get over that by working on your self-esteem and learning to believe people when they say they like you or are interested in you. And that can be a long process that does involve vulnerability as well as moving towards the edges of your comfort zone. Maybe it could even involve therapy if you want to give that a try.

Rejection is part of life, unfortunately, but that also means you have to learn how to deal with it in a healthy way. It’s also a little bit of a desensitisation thing where experiencing a negative thing will (ideally!) show you that you can get over it and survive it - so next time a similar thing happens your brain goes back to the previous experience and goes “I survived that before, I can do it again”. But sometimes for people who struggle with mental health and/or self-esteem that mechanism doesn’t work.

And you mentioned some bad experiences in the past where people lost interest in you but it seems that made you even more insecure instead of leaving you with a valuable lesson. But that’s really not your fault. Either those guys were assholes who didn’t like a woman who is more open about sexual desires? Or they just sensed an incompatibility. And in that sense they really did you a favour because someone who’d drop you after you are “““easy”““ is really not someone you’d want to be with anyway. If you’re a woman then this sort of behaviour from men (and being taught that stuff from your family and friends) is pure misogyny and slut-shaming which is where maybe some sex-positive and queerfeminist environment could help you to feel better about yourself. Hurtful as the rejection may be you shouldn’t react to it by trying to change yourself and make you into a different person. Be yourself and eventually you’ll meet people who like you the way you are. Someone who only wants to play games and loses interest as soon as you show you want more isn’t worth your time.

As you work on your self-esteem that should also trickle down on that jealousy problem. You say you worry that boy you’re talking to might also “talking to other girls” and that made me pause a bit. Maybe because I have a bit of a different look on relationship things, I don’t know. But what really is the problem about him talking to other girls? Does “talking to” mean something much more committed these days than I think it does? I assume you mean you and he are being a bit flirty via text/phone? As long as you haven’t agreed to be in a monogamous relationship and as long as he didn’t tell you you’re the only girl for him or whatever - then he has every right to talk to other people. Not to mention that “talking to” doesn’t have to mean anything flirty or sexual or romantic. Even if he’s in contact with other girls he might just be friends with them. And he should be allowed to do that even in a committed monogamous relationship. (In fact I am highly suspicious of men who cannot be friends with women.) So though I understand that those jealous feelings are born out of a fear of rejection and low self-esteem that is something you will have to get over or at least learn how to deal with in a way that doesn’t sabotage your relationships. Trust your partner (or potential partner) when they say they like you or love you.

Entering any type of relationship involves trust. You cannot have a healthy relationship without trusting the other person and making yourself vulnerable. And if you’re not at a place in your life right now where you can do that then maybe you’re just not ready for a relationship and have to work on yourself for a while. I don’t know your age but since you talk about “boys and girls” instead of “men and women” I’d assume you are rather young. And I am not that old to not remember what teenage angst (or the leftovers of it that can stretch into one’s early/mid 20s, especially for queer people) can do to someone in terms of sexuality and romance. It sucks feeling like you don’t know ~how to relationship~ and some negative experiences can have a big impact if you don’t have the tools yet to handle it emotionally. So I want to also let you know that there is no rush. If you don’t feel like your mental health is in the right place for a relationship right now then you don’t have to force one into your life. Relationships can be a great thing but do consider them a bonus to life, not a must-have. I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to genuinely enter a relationship until I was 27 and looking back I am absolutely not feeling like I was missing out on anything in the ~10 years before because any relationship I could have entered during that time would’ve been a catastrophy.

One more thing which might seem a bit trivial at this point in my reply but whatever lol you say you don’t know how others keep finding new topics to talk about... first of all: it’s not just your job to find new topics. If that boy is interested in keeping a steady contact then he should also ~say something~. But really you would just talk about things that interest you. Maybe you can watch a movie “together” via discord/zoom. Something like that. But the burden of keeping the conversation flowing shouldn’t just be on you and if someone doesn’t put the work in then maybe they aren’t worth your time either. Which again, doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means you know the value of your time and energy and feelings and if someone wastes any one of those then you better be moving on.

Maddie