#like fuck off with this mentality that she was a bad person

[ladyintree]

her eyes narrow in on her,   offended that she’s speaking like that isn’t something on tai’s mind.  it always is,   because she hates that mikayla didn’t get the life she deserved—  free of her father but more than that,  too.   not what actually happened to her.   she wants to ask if she was supposed to stay with her out of some obligation—   but she has enough restraint not to go there,  not when it doesn’t feel accurate.   she loved mikayla,   she loved her more than anything even when they did break up,   but it’s because she loved her that she felt like they couldn’t go on like they were.  she always thought that someday,  there would be a chance for them again — when they were both in the right place — but that never happened.  she didn’t realize then that saying goodbye was final for her.  ❝  that was not my response to … that,  ❞   she mutters in frustration,   quickly glancing to their surroundings,  then back to her.   ❝  i wanted to be there for you, ❞   she reminds her, like it’s simple to her.  ❝  i wanted to be the person you could still come to when you needed to talk, but—  but that wasn’t enough for you, ❞   she reminds,  letting out a scoff.   her eyes close when mikayla admits to never reading them;  part of her always expected that,  because surely,  something would’ve caught her attention,  but it still hurts.  taissa was still trying.   ❝  that’s not what i was doing.  what the fuck?  i cared about you,  ❞    she says,  voice slightly louder now,  growing with frustration.  

 it’s starting to feel embarrassing, the way mikayla throws that in her face.  it does feel like it’s spiting her—  but she didn’t necessarily believe mikayla would do that on purpose.  this is just her own insecurities getting the best of her,   a blatant reminder of how much she’s failed,  despite giving up on the love of her life to try to make something of herself.  ❝  excuse me if i don’t want you to do something you hate, ❞    she argues with a scoff.  ❝  i know it’s not about me.   you’ve made it clear you don't think about me at all,  ❞    she points out, rolling her eyes at the thought,  because even the worst company from the wilderness,  those still alive to run into at any moment,  tai still thinks about them,  so she can’t fathom why it's so easy for mikayla to have let go of her— her wife.  she holds her hands up as she shakes her head.   ❝  no.  good for you, mikayla.  ❞   her words come off condescending,  but she doesn't actually mean it that way.  she's is happy for her, despite it all.  ❝  if you're happy—  good for you.  that's all i wanted.  ❞    she just couldn't have the weight of it all on her own shoulders;  it felt consuming,  like it was going to suffocate her trying to be everything mikayla needed in there.  leaving entirely might not have been the best option,  but it felt like the only one back then.     

her jaw clenches, and mikayla doesn’t have to finish her sentence for taissa to know what she’s suggesting.  but even now, as angry as she’s been with taissa, and even given how estranged they feel—   she still thinks she would do anything for her.  taissa knows she’s alive because of what mikayla did for her out there,  not just physically,  but mentally.   she believes the same is true for her, too—  but mikayla keeps suggesting she’s wrong.   ❝  she—  i didn’t give up on you,  ❞  she corrects.   ❝  maybe you just never understood me.  ❞   but taissa doesn’t believe that, either.   she thinks mikayla would’ve understood her better than she understood herself.  her eyes narrow in on her and she shakes her head.   ❝  maybe if you listened to anything i said that day,  or let me finish,  or —  read my fucking letters —  you’d know the truth.   but i guess you like your story better,  where i’m just the bad guy.  ❞

taissa rolls her eyes,  because mikayla doesn’t need to defend herself for that—  she’s already made it clear she doesn’t care about taissa.  ❝  didn’t say you did,  ❞    she mutters,  taking a deep breath and forcing herself to stand taller,  trying to pull herself together again.   ❝  seems like you’ve been sitting on that one for a while, though,  ❞   she says, nodding back to her,  wondering just how long she’s been antsy to call taissa out on it.   her jaw clenches when mikayla goes on,  because that’s not what she thinks.  it’s never been what she thought,  even when so many people did assume the worst of her before things got bad.  taissa always saw more in mikayla.  she’s also never been loved by anyone the way she was loved by mikayla—-   which is exactly why it’s so difficult for her to comprehend mikayla wanting absolutely nothing to do with her now,  because how did she just turn that off?  ❝  i don’t think you're heartless,  mikayla.   you know that,  ❞   she reminds, her eyes narrowing in on her.   ❝  there’s a difference between being heartless and being so willing to give up on people when things didn’t go your way,  ❞    she adds, ignoring the fact that that’s basically exactly what she did to her first.  

after everything has mikayla on the verge of snapping the way she promised asher she wouldn't. her jaw clenches tightly, teeth grinding together as she takes a slow, deep breath, holding back the rant that's going on in her mind— how it was taissa who gave up on them after everything, who decided that what they had meant nothing out here, like it was just something to get them by in the wilderness, something they no longer had any use for anymore. “ i just killed my dad, tai, ” she reminds her calmly, because it feels like tai's forgotten. “ i almost died. and your response was to— to fucking dump me. so yeah, i cut you out of my life. but you're the one who decided you didn't give a fuck first. ” maybe tai never said that specifically, but it felt that way. “ i didn't read them, ” she admits, keeping her voice flat. “ wasn't really in the mood to hear you try to make yourself look better. sorry doesn't really erase what you did. ” it killed her, not knowing what those letters said, throwing them out before the temptation could get to be too much, but she figured it was what was best for herself— and since it was clear that tai didn't care about what was best for mikayla, she had to focus on that instead, even if it meant ignoring the only woman she'd ever loved.

she looks away, annoyed, because she doesn't think she could ever get tai to understand, not when she got to grow up with parents who supported her, while mikayla only had a man who put her down, who used every opportunity to make her feel like nothing. “ i just fucking told you why. it's not my fault it's not what you want to hear. because you'd rather hear me tell you it's to spite you, right? that it's about you, not him? ” she lets out a cold laugh, her head tilting slightly. “ well, i'm fucking sorry, but not everything has to do with you. ” it doesn't feel like tai knows her, because playing out of spite is something mikayla would have always done— especially now, when most of her choices have been stripped away from her, forcing her to turn back to soccer, because it's one of the few things she's ever actually been good at, whether she liked it or not. “ i'm not miserable, ” she lies, but she's trying to believe her own words more than anything. “ it sounds like you're just pissed off that i'm doing fine without you. ” she's not, but she's learned to accept that, telling herself that happiness no longer mattered, that it wasn't even something she wanted anymore, because she can't stand the thought of losing it again.

mikayla doesn't want to have this conversation at all, but her pride won't let her walk away. she can handle the pain, she thinks, because it's all she's ever felt anyway, but that doesn't mean she enjoys it. “ i was in love with the person i was with out there, ” she clarifies. “ you know— the girl i married. the one i would've— ” killed for, died for, done anything for, but she stops herself before she could go there, feeling like she shouldn't have to. “ but you're not her, taissa. and maybe i was just wrong about you, and you never actually were the person i thought you were, but— the girl i loved wouldn't have fucking given up on me just because it was hard. she would have tried. so i don't know who the fuck visited me that day in prison, but— that wasn't her. ” that's what she's told herself the last few years in her determination to move on— because it was easier to separate tai into two different versions: the one she loved, and the one who hurt her, because that made it easier to come to terms with the fact she lost her.

her jaw clenches again, realizing she fucked up, but it's easy to brush it off like it doesn't mean anything, her shoulders lifting in a small shrug. “ nat, obviously. but trust me— i never fucking asked. ” that's not entirely true, either; there's been a few times when mikayla has, telling herself that it's just because they went through something horrible together, so of course she's curious, never stopping to consider the fact that she can't say the same about some of the other survivors. her head falls back in annoyance when tai, again, accuses her of not giving a shit, because it's not true, and she's sick of hearing it. “ okay, yeah, you got me. i didn't give a shit, ” she agrees sarcastically, because arguing against it seems pointless when tai won't listen. “ nice to know you think i'm as heartless as everyone else does. ”

[fellthemarvelous]

Satine Kryze Defense Squad

Ugh.

I don't know why Satine hate needed to show up on my dash, but why do these weirdos insist on referring to her as a dictator and accusing her of committing genocide? Gross.

Immediate block!

I don't have time for that negativity. Or the asinine ignorance that comes with this anti-Satine discourse.

Duchess Satine is one badass lady who turned Mandalore from a bloodthirsty warrior society into a peaceful planet.

She was right about the Clone Wars from the very beginning.

She was targeted for assassination by Death Watch, the Separatists, AND the Republic because she refused to get involved with the war.

But yeah, she's the dictator for trying to protect her people from more violence and unnecessary death because she saw the Clone War for the game it was from the very beginning. Got it. 🙄

[neonhellscape]

new rt everyone shes a freak whos pretty sure shes been been given the role of rogue trader as an act of divine intervention to eventually replace the godemperor and bring new glory to the imperium which she thinks is dull and stagnant. dont worry about why she keeps marazhai caged in her trophy room like he's bait its not important and completely irrelevant to the fact ive joke nicknamed her simon thresh. has anyone noticed a lot of slaaneshi demons during warp jumps lately

[tinypaperstar]

offers u alnst oc stats

[tolerateit]

i'm having feelings about the way mental health has been discussed in this album and tbh none of them are good... as someone who was drawn to taylor's lyricism when i first started listening to her i'm only enjoying this album because i like the music production lol i'm straight up ignoring so many lyrics. not that there aren't any good ones it's just that so many of them are making me feel icky. idk i know it's meant to be raw or whatever but so many lyrics sound so unkind when it comes to dealing with mental health issues specifically. what do you think about it, especially since you're majoring in psychology?

This is such an interesting point, because I've been having several thoughts about the way mental health is being discussed in the fandom rn. Right from swifties giggling at the that one interview where she says "I don't need therapy. I'm sane." (as if therapy is only for someone "insane", whatever that is) and joking about the psych ward, taking the asylum and functional alcoholic lyrics in light and lowkey making fun of someone's addiction is just....disgusting? I think taylor tried to be earnest in her portrayal of her struggles but it's getting lost in translation for me, because some of the lyrics seemed to not only imply that her partner's struggles with depression or addiction were a reason for the relationship to fall apart (which is fine, that happens and is an extremely difficult process for both partners) but also point out how it's their fault for not being able to get over those struggles? I keep reiterating that I still haven't played the album in its entirety so it's possible I'm missing a few facts, but there is a very fine line between expressing your mental health issues through art in a way that is cathartic and important to the artist + inspiring to their audience and cherry picking imagery that you find the most "aesthetic" for your art with little concern over how those who actually experience these issues may perceive it + its actual public reception

[mercymornsimpathizer]

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[pa-pa-plasma]

kind of frustrating that people took "fat does not equal unhealthy" to mean "fat is not unhealthy." sometimes being obese IS unhealthy & excess fat can cause a lot of problems. ignoring health issues isn't progressive. real "oranges kill people with depression" moment

[hearts401]

raises my hand i actually like the concept of a shitty parent getting better i just hate when its used to be like "im good now so you should forgive me."

people grow and change and hurt people!!! and those hurt people deserve to move on without having to forgive their abuser!!!

[bitegore]

getting mental healthcare is really cool, its like asking someone to take a sledgehammer to your self-interest and then saying thank you after because it makes your life moderately easier even though you have to deal with this shit now

[monsterhugger]

yknow sometimes i get why tumblr had so many insanely obvious hoaxes gain traction bc the way some people on here will eviscerate people for being even slightly incredulous about something is honestly scary

[lovelyrotter]

yknow that feeling when a single attempted light n friendly conversation with your sibling is so completely onesided bc that sibling so thouroughly looks down on you that youre barely a person in their eyes? yeah that shits seriously mood ruining

[mutalune]

hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

[bluejaybytes]

@snowshinobi Hiiiii :3 I'm responding to your tags on a new post and not the original since the original was already somewhat lengthy, and I plan on being LONG and RAMBLY, but I have sooo many thoughts on what you said and I'm going to say them. Also my browser crashed TWICE (TWO TIMES. 2) when trying to write this post so I'm really fighting for my life out here to get my silly little OC posts done. Also it's under the cut because it's looooong as hell LMAO

Firstly, you're so nice to me forever <3 Secondly, I think you've basically hit the nail on the head. The majority of the issues Maggie has coming back from death and her 9 years gone are really tied almost exclusively to her close family, because she... never really had anyone else. While in-universe it's only 9 years, realistically the jump in technology and culture is around ~20-30 years (Maggie died in the 90s/early 2000s essentially, and wakes up in a just barely futuristic city), but... the most jarring thing to her in terms of what she missed out on is just. Flipphones are no longer popular. Other than her family, she's only close with one other person... who just so happens to be a ghost, and therefore both 1. Wouldn't change much over the timespan due to how long she's been a ghost and 2. Unlike her family, was aware that something happened, since she could see the ghost-of-a-ghost Maggie left behind (The ghosts name is Opal, she positions herself as a sort of "guardian angel" figure, though she's not actually, and serves as just another parental figure for Maggie while also getting after the ghosts that constantly harass her to pass on messages to the living). Maggie has no real relationships outside of her family, and while her relationships with her family are massively impacted by her unknowing death, other than that... the timeskip itself doesn't weigh on her because she had no one regardless. Her struggle to adjust to everything thats happened would've happened regardless of the timeskip for her, because she was such an isolated shut-in that it's the same whether it happened the next day, or nearly a full decade later

So another very interesting thing is that you've actually completely seen where I was going with everything, in spite of everything I said being very surface level and not actually delving into the plot at all. I completely skimmed over Jenna (She's very important to the plot, but she's by in large a regular person as opposed to Maggie's... everything), but for some additional context, Jenna has a horrendously shitty homelife, so her moving in with Maggie is both a gradual process (It goes from spending time there, to spending nights, to eventually just never going back home and moving in fully), and also serves as an escape for her. Part of that is also, so vitally, the food aspect. For some additional additional context, souls essentially serve as a persons lifeforce, practically every bodily function is improved by a soul that's stronger, though the "strength" of a soul is essentially entirely random, and not dependent on the individuals actions of any kind. Maggie had a generally weird soul before (Seeing ghosts inherently means she has to have something going on with her soul), but when she wakes up after her death, her soul is now even weirder, and part of that is that it essentially lets her get away with bad habits she absolutely should be seeing more consequences for. She barely eats, and when she does, it's basically exclusively crackers and whatever other safe foods she has around the house, because actually making food is a level of care and effort she just... doesn't give to herself in the slightest. Part of Jenna staying with her is that Jenna, without really discussing it, entirely takes up the mantle of caretaker of the apartment, with the biggest task being food prep, Jenna sees Maggie's unwillingness to take care of herself and silently steps up and starts making her actual meals so she's eating properly.

The problem is is that this also kinda... just straight up sucks? Jenna doesn't think much of it, it's something that needed to be done so she's doing it, she wants Maggie to be well fed even if she won't do it herself, and she's already been responsible for making all of her own meals for years prior anyways, so it's just another thing she does. Except that's shitty! Maggie's seen firsthand how terrible her homelife is, and it really weighs on her how even in her escape from that, Jenna's still being put in a position where she feels like she must care for her or else she just won't eat properly. So food is such a massively important thing to both of them, it's this symbol of love for both of them, it's love on the part of Jenna, for stepping in and taking care of Maggie when she can't do it herself, and it's love on the part of Maggie, for realizing how her own bad habits impact the people she cares about and wanting to lift that weight by taking care of herself better. It's also very vital for Maggie because she just... doesn't... have hobbies. Learning how to cook becomes really her only hobby and she puts all of her love and care into it, because for the first time in a long while she's actually passionate about something! ...Unfortunately she also is very very bad at it. She's inventing new dishes like "Burnt Salad" and "Please Help I Fucked Up Kraft Mac N Cheese" and still having to have Jenna come in and help her. But it's the thought that counts, and it'll only be a matter of time before she can make something vaguely edible.

And finally, the stuff about names! I didn't post it here, but while idly talking about her in a Discord server I'm in, I definitely think that had I made Maggie like even a few months later than I would've done she would've been nonbinary. As it stands right now though, I'm saying she's probably some form of genderweird but too busy trying not to die to think about it <3 Growing up knowing that ghosts are real and routinely being shut down by authority figures in her life about it has made her very aware of how bullshit a lot of things are and how the people who claim to be knowledgeable tend to not know what they're talking about (Beyond just the "people don't think ghosts are real", she's also got ghosts willing to tell her when people are lying because they've got nothing better to do than just gossip) , so if she spent even just a moment thinking about gender as a social construct she'd instantly recognize that and probably take up some form of genderweird label, but as it stands she's just too stressed with Being The Protagonist to think about that

Now, the thing with Margaret. I'm not even going to lie to you, I think you made a better connection to how a name connects with community in terms of the narrative themes than I did. The thing with Margaret denying the name "Maggie" existed for two reasons, the in-universe explanation is that, with the little scrap of soul Margaret has leftover from Maggie, it's essentially working overtime just to keep her vitals working, it can't dedicate time and energy to making her an individual with preferences and a personality, so part of that is that she doesn't respond to "Maggie" because ultimately, that is not her name. Her name is Margaret and she's not going to respond to "Maggie" because "Maggie" isn't her name. Of course, out of universe the reasoning is that I wanted an easy way to distinguish between Maggie as she is the protagonist, and the version of her that lived in the years she was gone, so different names makes the most sense.

I think your connection to how name relates to community genuinely works on a level I hadn't fully pieced together myself yet and I really love that because I think that absolutely works with everything. One of the main conflicts of the plot is how Maggie is entirely disconnected from her family thanks to the years she was gone, with Margaret having no priorities beyond "survive", she basically never spoke with her parents or brother for years. While her family tried to reach out to her repeatedly (Especially given that, while they're unaware the truth of what happened the night Maggie was murdered, they do know something happened, and they believe that whatever it was severely traumatized her, and that's where the sudden and drastic shift in personality came from), there's a point where they just... gave up. She wasn't trying to talk with them or contact them in the slightest, so around a year or two after Margaret moved out, her parents gave up on her. Her brother would still be there a bit, but he also didn't really... try... anymore.

When Maggie wakes up, she tries to call her parents... and they don't pick up. They'd grown resentful over the years, and now that Maggie wants to talk to them, they don't forgive her for the years of not speaking to them, and aren't interested in whatever she has to say after nearly a decade of trying to reconnect with her and being met with nothing. It's her insistence that she wants to be called Maggie that actually gets her brother to realize she's telling the truth and that something happened. She shows up at his door, already something that Margaret wouldn't have done, and that combined with her being visibly upset when he calls her Margaret and tells him that's not her and that she's Maggie, it signals to him that whatever's going on is real (...though he would've figured this out eventually, given that she also literally 17 again and not in her mid-20s, and has a giant glowing stab wound in her chest). I think it works absolutely perfectly as being a symbol of community, her disconnect from her community is what led to her being called Margaret, and her desperation to be returned to that community is when she's Maggie again. So uh. Congrats on getting the themes of my OCs better than I did <3

And uhhhh closing thoughts! I honestly did still skim over the majority of the plot (Literally never even mentioned Eli or what's going on with her stab wound </3), but I think you reeeeally hit the nail on the head with everything I'm kinda getting at with these OCs, which is... frankly wild given how little main plot I actually got at. Basically everything I mentioned in my original post was the setup, not the main plot. But waaaaugh thank you for being so niceys to me and also giving me another excuse to ramble endlessly <3

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

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[our-lady-of-mcr]

everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive