#like everyone else in my life has someone to do things to hang out with and all
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â do what feels right to YOU, not to other bloggers â
when you first enter the manifestation community as a whole, it can be overwhelming. there's hundreds of blogs on multiple platforms, thousands of techniques and messages being tossed around. different people will say different things about the law, simply because everyone has a different experience with it.
"change your 4d to change yours 3d! embody the state! change your self concept! use these simple affirmations! use these complex affirmations! try the void state! induce pure consciousness! do non-dualism! go find a cave in the mountain and meditate there! do this technique to help you manifest your dream life in 3 days! try this challenge for 48 hours! oh here's another technique to help you get it in 1 day! new method for shifting realities! sleep in this position while chanting this mantra to help you shift! do this! do that! here's a new subliminal I made you have to listen to while standing on one foot for 30 minutes in order to help you manifest what you want instantly! read my new book to help you manifest!"
there is no "right" way to manifest. there will never be a "right" way to manifest. just because little susie sheep twerked her ass to "match the frequency of her desired iPhone 16 pro max" (true story from @matheoxs's post lmao) to help her manifest that doesn't mean YOU have to do the same. if a certain challenge, technique, method, or routine doesn't work for you then don't worry! the only thing you have to worry about when it comes to manifesting is that you have what you want. that's all.
"so how do I manifest?" however you want to. circumstances never mattered, and they never will matter. instead of running from blog to blog, coach to coach, ranting about the circumstances you are facing, ask yourself "how have I manifested something in the past?" and just...do that same process again. if you scripted out the perfect partner once when you were little and later met someone who fit that description, then script out whatever you want to get now! if you used subliminals to change your parents behavior and it worked before in the past, use a subliminal to get what you want!
even if you don't remember consciously manifesting something, ask yourself if you ever thought of something and then it showed up in your world later? then you had that feeling of "I knew this would happen", then congrats you manifested that! now just do the same thing, or you can try experimenting! the law is not supposed to be difficult or boring, spice it up! make your own technique if you want! make a playlist about your relationship, make a vision board of your vacations, write yourself an acceptance letter, record yourself singing like the greatest artist in the world, imagine yourself hanging out with your friend group, draw your ideal self, literally do whatever the heck you want. make the law fun for YOURSELF. this is your life and your journey with the law, stop doing what everyone else is doing and do whatever you want to do.
#staroflife#law of assumption#loassumption#loa blog#loa tumblr#loablr#loass#how to manifest#manifest#manifestation#master manifestor#manifesting#affirmations#self concept#success story#reality shifting#shifting community#shifting blog#shifting antis dni#shifting motivation#reality shifter#desired reality#shiftblr#void state#imagination is reality#neville goddard#pure consciousness
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I guess since I always write about X-Men when drunk, let me talk to you about Scott Summers.
Now look, Scott has a lot of haters, many of them my friends. I even agree with them. There's no easy way to take in Scott Summers. Because more than anything, Scott Summers is a question.
What do you do when they take it from you?
The answer can be many things. If you're Xavier, the answer is, you deny people their childhood. Scott, you're a child soldier by 13. You have just survived a traumatic plane crash in which your family seemingly all died. If you look at people, they die too, and it's your fault. You wear a literal filter to interact with everyone. Sometimes they tell you they're mad and you don't understand. The filter isn't thick enough. Xavier pats your head and tells you this is how it is. You have to be better. You have to be better than them. You have to be better than everybody.
If you're Magneto, the answer is your life. He had everything taken away from him so thoroughly, so long ago, that you, Scott, can't even fathom it. He's introduced to you while stealing nuclear warheads to threaten people who hate you. Every word Xavier has ever told you stings in your brain, like a worm. This is wrong. This is the enemy. He's doing it wrong. He's getting a bad grade at being a mutant. These feelings will poke at you for the rest of your life. You will come to disagree with them. By the time you're 40, you couldn't imagine a more steadfast ally than Magneto. He gets it, you see. No one else gets it like Max does.
If you're Jean Grey, the answer is fire. Create fire. Look for fire. Date a guy who can shoot fire from his eyes. Who can spit fire from his mouth and raise the dead with his words. Who can stand before the apocalypse and burn, burn as hard as fire can burn, as hot as a volcano, enough that the police are involved, that the Avengers are involved, that the gods are involved. Burn and burn and turn to ash and burn further until they stop telling you you're worthless. They never will. But Scott will never be one of them. He would rather burn everlasting than tell you you're less than what you think you are.
If you're Emma, it's kill them from the inside. Become part of the problem to make the problem go away. Meet the problem in their house. Fuck the problem. Buy the problem. Kill the problem by giving them a stroke. Emma thinks you, Scott, could be so much more. You could end the problem in a day, two days tops. You could rally them and radicalize them and make them see how insidious the problem is. But you never would. You tried, and it didn't agree to you. It got weird. You got weird.
If you're Logan, the answer is drinking. You drink and you try to forget, but you never do. You can't. You hang out with this guy, this beautiful, certain, consistent man, and you can't forget what you've lost, but you can make new memories. You can be someone else. You can put on a robe and lay down on a lazy chair and drink near Scott, overlooking the Earth, and you can think, I never want to forget this. I never want to not be here, with Scott, looking over everything. Feeling like I do, doing the things I do, having the relationship I do with him. But eventually it all goes away again, and you remember, right, I'm a violent person, I'm made for battle, I don't deserve love, I don't deserve Scott, I don't deserve anything. I deserve the woods. The wolves. The simplicity. The desire to forget, but never quite getting there. If you're Logan, you don't actually have an answer. Your whole life is a question without an answer.
And then you're Scott. You wonder what you should do when they take it from you. You're surrounded by people radicalized by their choices on how to react to that. You're radicalized by your mistakes. You're radicalized by the fights, the torture, the betrayal, the time in space, the time in hell, the time suffering. Every year of your life was the worst year of your life. Everything you've ever done is a thing to be mocked and used as a standard at the same time. No one knows who you are aside from the guy to listen to. You're 40. You're a father. You're tired. Your first instinct upon being given everything was gathering your family and moving; to the moon, even, where no one could hurt you. And then they took that away from you, too.
So, what do you do?
There's only really one answer.
You sigh, you put on the suit, you do some voice training, you call some friends. You do a speech. You suppress the feeling that it's futile, because that feeling is the oppressor, too. And you say it, like you've said it a thousand times, like you'll say it a thousand times more, like you were made to say, like you were taught to say, like your entire legacy will revolve around how you say this single phrase.
You will say this from your chest. You will say this when no one else is around and no one else is listening. You will say it because it's the right thing to say, and god damn it, at the end of the day, you will never acquiesce. You will never compromise. You will, in fact, always say it, for the rest of your life and beyond. When you're dead and buried and not coming back on the regular, people will still talk about how right you were when you said it, how righteous you sounded when you said it, and how certain you were when you said it.
You say it when they're attacking, you say it when you're attacking, you say it as a defense, you say it as a response, you say it as every figure of importance in your life has given way to compromise or disappointment; as everyone has left you, and has moved on, and has decided oppression doesn't equal a life poorly lived, and has asked you to lose their number because they can't do this anymore, it has taken too much from them and they don't want this to be their lives.
You say you understand, you lose their number, you stop relying on them, and you start saying it to others. Sometimes to people who are too young, but they get it. This is the only appropriate reaction, after all. You were Scott and you were 13 years old when you were a soldier. They can do that, too.
What do you do when they take everything away from you?
Scott Summers sighs and fills his chest with air.
When they take it all from you, Cyclops says "To me, my X-Men."
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Remembrance of Things Past: Part One
Pairing:Â Spencer Reid x Female!Reader
Word Count:Â ~2.2k
Warnings:Â canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill, fearing for your life
Summary:Â Someone leaves an unmarked package by your door that sends you into a spiral of fear. Meanwhile, the team joins forces with Virginia police on a case Rossi was on decades earlier, one that he will have to go back into in order to figure out the one that's staring at him in the face.
Season Six Masterlist
Authorâs Note:Â I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.
x
"Remembrance of things past is not necessarily the remembrance of things as they were." - Marcel Proust
"I swear I'm not making it up," you say as you turn the coffee machine on. "I felt eyes on me last night. Like someone was watching me. Like someone was in my apartment. I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy."
"Was anything missing from your apartment?" JJ asks over FaceTime.
"No."
"Maybe you just had a bad dream or something."
"Yeah, maybe." Spencer walks into the kitchen as he finishes tying his tie, and he walks over to the coffee maker. He looks at your phone propped up against the flour container and smiles when he sees JJ. "Hey, Spence."
"JJ! It's good to see you."
"I miss all of you."
"We miss you, too." Spencer pours himself a cup to go before kissing you briefly. "I'll see you at work, okay?"
"Okay," you nod.
Spencer loves to get to work early when he can while you like to take your time in the morning and enjoy it before heading out.
"So, this mysterious person... Is there any energy left behind?"
"No or none that I'm seeing."
"I thought you saw them all."
"No, not everyone. I barely notice Spencer's. I don't notice half the team's anymore. I guess the ones that I've gotten to know personally, I don't see anymore."
"Hmm, I'm sure it's nothing."
You grab the coffee pot and pour what's left into your thermos so you can take it to work even though you know Spencer will have a cup waiting for you on your desk.
"So, are you excited for your new job?" you grin.
"It's going to be new, that's for sure."
"You're going to do great. Seriously, you're really valuable."
"Thank you. Listen, I have to get Henry ready before my meeting with the Pentagon."
"Give Henry my love. Oh, and JJ?" She looks at you through the tiny iPhone screen. "I'm proud of you."
"I'm proud of you," she smiles back.
You two hang up and you finish getting ready for work. You grab your purse and open the front door but frown when you see a package sitting at your front door. Was this always here? When did it get here? Who dropped it off? Spencer would have noticed a package when he left so it had to have come after he left. Why didn't anyone knock on the door?
You set your purse and thermos on the small table near the door and pick up the box to inspect it. There is no label or anything on it indicating who it's for but curiosity gets the better of you. You only realize how stupid of you it is to pick up an unmarked box when you hear something click inside of it. Rhythmic and steady beeping comes from inside the box and your entire body is paralyzed in fear.
Someone sent you a bomb in a box and you're holding it. Any slight movement will cause it to go off, killing you and potentially everyone else in this building. You have both hands underneath the box so you can't lean over and grab your purse which has your phone in it.
"Siri!" you yell loud enough for your phone to hear. "Hey, Siri!"
No response comes from her. You must be too far for her to hear. You're forced to wait until someone comes to your rescue, and you let tears fall at the many possibilities this can have.
After making a cup of coffee for you, he expected you to be at your desk. Since you're not, he takes the cup to the briefing room, passing by JJ's empty office. He pauses by the door and sees Penelope already inside of it. This is the first day since JJ left and not everyone is ready to do this without her.
"I miss her, Penelope sighs.
"Me too."
Penelope removes the nameplate from the door and heads back to her cave while Spencer walks into the briefing room. He sets the coffee on the desk where your spot is and takes his seat. Derek and Emily walk into the room with Derek nose-deep in his phone. He chuckles at a text he gets and sits down.
"Is that Ellie again?" Emily asks.
"She texts me every morning on her way to school."
"How is she doing?"
"She's already got herself a bff named Jill, and she thinks she wants to play soccer."
"She's adjusting. That's good."
The rest of the team walks in to start the briefing, and Hotch looks at your empty seat. Rossi isn't here since he is on vacation.
"Where's Y/N?"
"She should have been here by now," Spencer frowns. "Probably morning traffic. She'll be here shortly."
"Alright, we can't wait for her. Let's get started." Hotch hands out files to everyone. "The body of twenty-five-year-old Jenny Delilly was found yesterday in Bristol, Virginia. She had been tortured, sodomized, and electrocuted before being forced to make a goodbye call to her parents. Her body was then dumped off Elden Street. A week ago, the body of Kara Kirkland was found in the same area having suffered identical injuries."
"This reminds me of the Butcher case," Derek says.
"Why does that name sound familiar to me?"
"The Butcher was a sexual sadist who killed twenty women in the same area of Virginia from 1984 to 1993 and then vanished. He tortured blond women in their twenties who lived in or near Bristol."
"That was one of Rossi's old cases, wasn't it?" Emily asks.
"Yes."
"Does he know?" Rossi walks into the briefing room holding an opened box in his hands. "Some vacation. Did you get any sun?"
"I never got any anything."
"Do you think the Butcher's back?"
"I doubt it. We profiled him as a white male in his late forties back then. He'd be in his seventies by now."
"Didn't you almost catch him?"
"In the spring of '93, we narrowed the geographical profile. We alerted every blonde in their mid-twenties in Bristol and the surrounding counties. The pressure got so intense that the killings just stopped," Rossi sighs.
"Well, the Copelands killed into their seventies. This could be him coming back," Spencer suggests.
"It's probably a copycat. If he's emulating the Butcher, he could just be getting started. Alright, let's go over victimology."
"Both Jenny Delilly and Kara Kirkman were single professional women. Jenny had just gotten a job as a web designer, and Kara worked for a nonprofit. Each woman was taken from a populated area with no witnesses. Jenny from a crowded drugstore parking lot and Kara from the back patio of a ground-floor apartment when her roommate went inside to answer the phone."
"Why not take the roommate?" Derek asks.
"She's brunette. He prefers blondes."
"These vics were forced to make phone calls. Jenny left a message and Kara spoke with her fiancé."
"Garcia, were you able to trace the calls?" Hotch asks.
"My pretties, they're using disposable cells so I'm coming up empty."
"We do have a timeline, though. According to the ME's report, both victims were dead for about three hours before they were found which means based on the times of their messages, they endured five additional hours of torture after making their goodbye calls."
"It wasn't enough that he caused his victims pain and suffering, it extended to their parents as well?" Spencer wonders. "Rossi, were the phone calls the Butcher made his victims leave similar?"
"Yeah, but the content varied. Thirteen vics left answering machine messages for loved ones, five actually talked to someone before they died, and two reached no one."
"Didn't the Butcher make his victims end their messages by saying they were enjoying it?"
"That was his signature."
"Wouldn't that make a sadist flaccid?" Derek asks.
"It wasn't about him. It was about the parents. He wanted to make sure that they knew he had complete control and dominance over their daughters," Rossi shrugs.
"Alright, Morgan and Prentiss, go to the ME. We need to compare the ritual and MO. Rossi, Reid, and I will interview the families and go over the messages. Reid, where's Y/N?"
Spencer frowns at your absence and takes out his phone to call you. It rings six times before going to voicemail, and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He tries you once more but the same thing happens again.
"Something's wrong. I need to go home. We'll drive up together once I figure out what's going on. It's only a thirty-minute drive to Bristow."
"Okay. Keep me informed."
Spencer is out of his seat before Hotch can finish speaking. Spencer races home and practically sprints up the stairs to your apartment.
"Y/N?" he calls out.
"Spencer," you cry. He steps off the top stair and pauses when he sees the brown box in your hands. You're trying hard not to shake and sweat is rolling down your forehead. "Don't come near me."
"What's going on?"
"I think this is a bomb. There's something ticking in here."
Spencer's eyes widen in concern. "Don't move. I'll call it in." He takes out his phone and calls the head of the bomb squad. Yes, he's been in enough situations to have him in his contacts. He quickly explains the situation to the man who says he'd be right over with his team. He dials Hotch next and keeps a close eye on you. "Hotch, we have a problem."
"Is Y/N okay?"
"She thinks someone sent a bomb to our house. She's standing in the doorway holding a brown box terrified. I don't know much more about it but I'll let you know when I do."
"Is the bomb squad on the way?" Rossi asks.
They must be in the car and the call went through Bluetooth.
"Yeah."
"Should we turn around?"
"No, you keep working the case. I'll be right here with her. As long as she doesn't move, she'll be fine."
"Please be careful and call when you know more."
"Of course." Spencer hangs up and looks at you. "It's going to be okay, Y/N. You're going to be okay. The bomb squad is on the way. Just try not to move."
"I'll try," you cry, trying to keep yourself from shaking.
The whole team is worried about you and Spencer but they have a job to do. They get to Bristow and meet with Detective Green who is eager for their arrival.
"This isn't the Butcher, believe me. Unless the Butcher is Jack Lalanne, this is a younger copycat."
"We need a room with a whiteboard, a window, and six chairs," Rossi says. "The bodies were left in the exact same location."
"Everybody knew the details of this case. The paper even printed part of the answering machine messages. It's a copycat."
"Have you been able to step up police presence on Elden Street?" Hotch asks.
"It's a seven-mile stretch that runs through the city. I've done what I could considering our budget."
"Are detectives Clemmons, Benton, and Gallagher still here? They worked on the first case," Rossi says.
"Clemmons and Benton both died two years ago. Gallagher retired from the force when his wife was killed at the Pentagon on 9/11."
"So, you're the lead detective on this?"
"Unfortunately. Look, the families of the victims should be here any minute. If there's anything I can do to help you guys, let me know."
"Thank you."
Both victims were assaulted with an electrified object based on the burn wounds that could have been by a curling iron, poker, or some other object. Both also have lacerations on their bodies with slight ones near the throat and deep ones on the chest. Whoever did this used multiple knives. The unsub was creative. There are also contusions on the backs of their heads likely sustained during the abduction.
It's a slightly different approach than the Butcher's abductions. Based on Rossi's profile, the Butcher was a smooth-talker who lured his victims without initial physical force. Clearly, this unsub doesn't have the same confidence or finesse. He's sloppy.
Derek and Emily head to the place where Jenny was taken and watch the security footage to understand what might have happened.
"Alright, this is right where she parked her car," Derek points to the empty parking spot, "and then she rushed in there to get a prescription. Then, she comes back to her car and somebody gets her attention."
"They call out to her. She throws her stuff in the trunk and runs off that way," Emily points, "and that's when we lose her. So, how do you snatch someone from here? Push her into a car?"
"It's way too crowded, but there is a blind spot right there. There's enough of an obstruction here to park your car, blitz her from behind, and then push her into the vehicle. Could you do that alone?" Derek asks.
"I doubt it. Two people would explain how the first victim was abducted so quickly from the patio when her roommate went in to get the phone."
"It would also shed light on the ME's findings. There wasn't one unsub with two knives, it was two unsubs with their own weapons."
Derek turns off the iPad and looks around the parking lot with a sigh.
"I'm worried about Y/N."
"Me too." Emily takes out her phone and calls Spencer. "Hey, Reid, is there an update?"
"The bomb squad is here and they evacuated everyone out of the building including me. I hate waiting knowing she's up in there terrified out of her mind."
"She's going to be okay. You have to believe that."
"Yeah, I know," he sighs.
"Keep us informed."
Spencer looks up at the building in wonder and wishes you're doing okay.
x
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#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid angst#criminal minds#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds angst#criminal minds series rewrite
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Guess whose parents I have just designed? (And didnât feel like cleaning up, do better line art and colouring along with shading for yet?)
Yeah thatâs right, itâs New Ninjaâs!!! Meet their big workaholics yet loving mother and father!!
I still am trynna work on some stuff, Iâm even planning on redesign Randyâs parents in my headcanon as we speak, also gonna do my own version of First Ninjaâs family too, like I think of them alot in my head but barely drawn anything out so I wanna do that too really much hehe- yeah I got a lot to do.
Aaanywaysss. Let me tell yâall a bit about these two!
-NNâs parents are often really busy at their jobs so they can barely get to hang out with their child because of it, the only times they kinda get to interact more often are in the weekends but other then that, NN is often left home alone.
-just like everyone else, they donât know that NNâs the ninja. And they donât know about their relationship with Randy as their mentor and good friend either.
-just like their kid, they donât have any names neither yet lol. Coming up with names one of the hardest parts of making ocs. For now, letâs just call them NM (new mom) and ND (new dad). Yeah I know itâs a little bit weird but until I finally can think of something for them, these will have to do.
-NM is a Japanese woman with sectoral heterochromia who works as a therapist! If youâre wondering what kind of therapy she does, itâs mostly behavioural. Sheâs almost very soft spoken, genuine and really wants to do her best to help people with their issues, including her own kid. However, she barely knows much about the shit her poor child goes through right now with their current life, she doesnât know about NN being the ninja after all.
Most of the time, the people she work with in therapy sessions are usually normal but there are times that she has met some who seemed to struggle after being STANKED. Yes you heard right, some of her patients are stanked victims! A few past ones during Randyâs time as the ninja and now a lot more in the current time with NN now being the current one, those kinds of patients are kinda a whole other story.
-ND is an American man who works as a doctor! He is pretty skilled in a lot of things at his job, surgery is one of them. Heâs more calm, serious and strict. His voice is kinda like monotone and very deep, a lot of people who sees him at first glance and hear his voice might think heâs quite cold but thatâs far from the truth. Heâs just a man who takes his job seriously, he also has a soft spot, mostly for his wife and child.
Like NM, he also has no clue about the struggles NN has right now. However, he did have his suspicions. He couldnât talk much about it due to being so busy in job tho but whenever he has time, heâll always make sure to tell the kid that if they ever need someone to talk to, they can talk to him.
-now back in their high school days together before NN was even born, they didnât really know that much people other then themselves. They were high school sweethearts.. however, ND did actually know one guy the whole year. They werenât like bffs but they did know each other very well so they were close and even now as adults in the present, they still interact sometimes, maybe even get some tea or coffee if they have time and arenât busy. They went to different universities back then but that did nothing to their pretty nice bond.
Youâre probably wondering who this âguyâ is and if heâs even important or just a random oc I made upâŠwell heâs actually a canon character from Rc9gn. Yes, he is actually in the show. So who is it??âŠ
âŠâŠWillem Viceroy III.
HeheheheheHEHEHEHE- no I am not explaining this, ya gotta figure out yourself! What I will say tho is that yes, this will have an effect in NNâs story. đ
ââ
And thatâs about it!
#rc9gn#randy cunningham 9th grade ninja oc#randy cunningham 9th grade ninja#ninja show#new ninja#rc9gn oc#new ninja au#drawing#art#oc refrence sheet#parents#oc parents
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yetđ#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myselfđđđ#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not aroundđ€š i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me adviceđ#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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Girl are you okay? Cause you've been looking through the "My lesbian experience with loneliness" tag again
Well the short answer is no :D
#the long answer is I saw one post of someone going 'well now that I'm 28 too maybe I'll try doing the same thing the protag does here''#and nearly cried because 28 is such a ridiculously long time away except not really except it's SO#fucking long and so close to what I was gaslit into believing I would ever have that I'd be lucky to make it to my thirties for no reason#and I never wanted anything different and just wanted to live and had panic attacks when reading but I'd still believe it was inevitable#and now I am suddenly having to come to terms with so much I want from life that I had resigned myself to never having because I couldn't#but how am I meant to do that? it's just hanging over my head now and it feels so stupid and I feel so out of place everywhere#it feels like I'm too bad at being a person to be loved and too angry to even admit I want to be#and too regretful to seek it because I'm scared of trampling over people's boundaries like people have done to me#and like I did too before I grew up and thought my way through having some empathy#why do only boys show any interest in me.... why is every friend I make entirely outside the range of people who could possibly reciprocate#why is it so easy for me to brush crushes aside aren't people supposed to suffer for this stuff#does that prove it's not a romantic crush and it's just that I want to be held and wanted#it feels so wrong to want this after fighting so much just to have fulfilling platonic relationships what's wrong with me#that I still want something else what more could I want this life is so ideal as far as 12 yo me is concerned#...when did my brain start viewing any and all kinds of want or ambition as doomed efforts for me?#I have such a headache all of a sudden#I think... the way I value self preservation has gotten all the way around into being harmful maybe#at least a little#everyone I know is nowhere near the amount of control freak as I am and they just go do things they want to do#have I seen them hurt over the consequences multiple times yes. but . I'm tired of hurting over absence#''did you know wishing you had more extreme and easily verifiable trauma is in itself proof of having undergone trauma'' well yeah but like#fuck why couldn't I be traumatized by anything else that wasn't literally the profession supposed to help you with all the trauma#delete later#like for real I want to delete it rn but I also don't
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#not having anyone is so fucking depressing at times#like everyone else in my life has someone to do things to hang out with and all#iâm the only one who doesnât have anyone completely and utterly alone#bc everyone else will hang out with their person so⊠yeah#itâs something lame to be so upset about but i couldnât help it
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~ ~ ~
#the anxiety and the nonsense are back in full swing tonight#I can literally feel myself being annoying and yet canât seem to stop myself from it#I tried to do what my therapist would expect me to do and talk myself through everything and think logically#yet the chest tightness and headache and weird crawly feeling under my skin remains#maybe Iâm just tired or maybe my period is coming or maybe itâs the grief or maybe a million other little things who knows#itâs like I just want someone to talk to/hang out with because I donât feel right by myself right now#but bestie has a life and I know Iâve annoyed him early#and partner is asleep and Iâm not about to wake them up because I feel lonely#tbh I donât even want to come to bed until I get myself sorted simply so I wonât bother them by being awake/on my phone for half the night#just feel kinda fucked up right now and donât know what to do to fix that exactly#donât even want to bother trying to see if anyone round here wants to talk because I doubt Iâd get any takers in the first place#is this what being an adult is? screaming into the void on your own because youâve only got two people in your life?#Iâve never really had a group to call my own or a lot of people I could rely on anytime I needed despite being like that for everyone else#I realized that I love the way I was never loved but it still hurts feeling like Iâll never get that returned to me in any way#Iâve heard phrases like âI know love like mine exists because I existâ but that just feels like a pathetic cover for the sorrow#of being alone#maybe that love only exists inside of me and what a tragedy that would be#but Iâm rambling now because at least I canât annoy myself#personal
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i want to talk about real life villains
Not someone who mugs you, or kills someone while driving drunk, those are just criminals. I mean VILLAINS.
Not like trump or musk, who are... cartoonishly evil. And not sexy villains, not grandiose villains, not even satisfyingly two dimensional villains it is easy to hate unconditionally. The real villains.
I had a client who was a retired executive for one of the big oil companies, i think it was Shell or Chevron. Had a home just outside of San Francisco that was wall to wall floor to ceiling full of expensive art. Literally. I once accidentally knocked a painting off the wall because it was hanging at knee height at the corner of the stairs, and it had a little brass plaque on it, and i looked up the name of the artist and it was Monet's apprentice and son-in-law, who was apparently also a famous painter. He had an original Andy Warhol, which should have been a prize piece for anyone to showcase -- it was hanging in the bathroom. I swear to god this guy was using a Chihuly (famous glass sculptor) as a fruit bowl. And he was like, "idk my wife was the one who liked art"
I was intrigued by this guy, because in the circles i run this dude is The Enemy. right? Wealthy oil executive? But as my client, he was... like a sweet grandpa. A poor widower, a nice old man, anyone who knew him would have called him a sweetheart. He had a slightly bewildered air, a sort of gentle bumbling nature.
And the fact that he was both of these things, a Sweet Little Old Man and The Enemy, at the same time, seemed important and fascinating to me.
He reminded me of some antagonist from fiction, but i couldn't put my finger on who. And when i did it all made sense.
John Hammond.
probably one of the most realistic bad guys ever written.
If you've only ever seen the movie, this will need some explaining.
Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park in 1990, and i read it shortly thereafter. In the movie, the dinosaurs are the antagonists, which imo erases 50% of the point of the story.
book spoilers below.
In the book, John Hammond is the villain but it takes the reader like half the book to figure that out. Just like my client, John is a sweet old man who wants lovely things for people. He's a very sympathetic character. But as the book progresses, you start to see something about him.
He has an idea, and he's sure it's a good one. When someone else dies in pursuit of his dream, he doesn't think anything of it. When other people turn out to care about that, he brings in experts to evaluate the safety of his idea, and when they quickly tell him his idea is dangerous and needs to be put on hold, he ignores his own experts that he himself hired, because they are telling him that he is wrong, and he is sure he is right.
In his mind, he's a visionary, and nobody understands his vision. He is surrounded by naysayers. Several things have proven too difficult to do the best and safest way, so he has cut corners and taken shortcuts so he can keep moving forward with his plans, but he's sure it's fine. He refuses to hear any word of caution, because he believes he is being cautious enough, and he knows best, even though he has no background in any of the sciences or professions involved. He sends his own grandchildren out into a life-threatening situation because he is willfully ignorant of the danger he is creating.
THIS is like the real villains of the world. He doesn't want anyone to die. Far from it, he only wants good things for people! He's a sweet old man who loves his grandchildren. But he has money and power and refuses to hear that what he is doing is dangerous for everyone, even his own family.
I think he's possibly one of the most important villains ever written in popular fiction.
In the book, he is killed by a pack of the smallest, cutest, "least dangerous" dinosaurs, because a big part of why we read fiction is to see the villains face thematic justice. But like a cigarette CEO dying of lung cancer, his death does not stop his creation from spreading out into the world to continue to endanger everyone else.
I think it is really important to see and understand this kind of villainy in fiction, so you can recognize it in real life.
Sweetheart of a grandfather. Wanted the best for everyone. Right up until what was best for everyone inconvenienced the pursuit of his own interests.
And my client was like that too. His wife had died, and his dog was now the love of his life, and she was this little old dog with silky hair in a hair cut that left long wispy bits on her lower legs. Certain plant materials were easily entangled in this hair and impossible to get out without pulling her hair which clearly hurt her. When i suggested he ask his groomer to trim her lower leg hair short to avoid this, he refused, saying he really liked her usual hair cut.
I emphasized that she was in pain after every walk due to the plant debris getting caught in her leg hair, and a simple trim could put an end to her daily painful removal of it, and he just frowned like i'd recommended he take a bath in pig shit and said "But she'll be ugly" and refused to talk about it anymore.
Sweet old man though. Everyone loved him.
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If Instagram has a thousand haters, I am one of them. If Instagram has one hater, it is me. If Instagram has no haters, but very existence has been wiped off this plane of existence
#crumb babbles#iâve only had this stupid app for like a week to make friends for college#and when it was JUST for that it was so lovely#but then people I actually know starting finding my account and following it#and then I had to follow back because then if i donât iâm being rude#and anytime someone uploads a story I HAVE to like it or else thatâs rude too#and now I just have all of this access to the inside lives of the people around me#which in theory is great#but really itâs just a giant contest to see who has the best life or whoâs having the most fun#and iâm a homebody at heart okay?#Iâm not one for partying or super grand outings#but I do like being around my friends#and so as is natural of COURSE I would hate seeing my friends hang out without me#like for example#today was senior skip day#i went to school#was a bit sad about it for like two seconds then quickly got over it#but then i go onto Ist*gr*m and I find that everyone went go kart racing#listen I KNEW about the go kart racing beforehand#i was FULLY AWARE that they went go kart racing that whole day#but seeing those videos and pictures was like#oh#thereâs that feeling again#i saw something the other day that said that the thing about once being a lonely eleven year old girl is that some part of you#is always going to be a lonely eleven year old girl#and yeah thatâs so real#being on Instagram is the media equivalent of an inside joke and I hate that#i dunno man maybe itâs my abandonment issues talking đ€Ș#tw instagram#instagram tw
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itâs cupid, stupid! | lhs
àšà§ SYNOPSIS -âș To hell with Lee Heeseung, you couldn't find someone you hated more than the boy who's by your side no matter what. You figured that maybe the summer before university would be the best way to finally let go of him, and to leave the hate you have in your childhood- but no. What do you mean you have to spend ALL summer with him?
àšà§ PAIR -âș golden boy!heeseung x fem-pres!reader
àšà§ GENRE -âș fluff, pining, hurt/angst, slow burn (oops), bakery au, summer au, post highschool au | àšà§ TROPES -âș (slightly one sided) enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers | àšà§ WC -âș 20k (jfc)
àšà§ INCLUDES -âș CURSING, food mentions, a self indulgent characterization of my grandmother but sheâs also everyone elseâs in this fic, the bakery has foods from like 40 different cultures, both mc and hee get burned but itâs tiny, heeseungâs parents r lowk overachieving assholes this is NOT a reflection of anyone irl, ew so much banter, heeseung and mc drink from the same straw ik thatâs an ick for some LOL, underaged alcohol consumption (and being drunk)âŠsorry
àšà§ REN SAYS... thank u thank u thank u peng aka @jlheon for beta reading this in one sitting for me!!! your comments were so cute i'm so glad you enjoyed reading it <3
plsplsplspls reblog and send feedback/asks if you liked this!
Lee Heeseung might only have eleven characters to his name, but they spelt trouble in forty different ways.Â
It starts with the same old Lee Heeseung spilling his applesauce on you in the first grade, with his cup of mushy lukewarm grossness splattered across your new pants with glittery stars on them. You shriek when it happens, frantically wiping off the mess and yelling at his Lightning McQueen lunchbox with all of the bottled up rage a six year old can have. His eyes are wide, but all his friends laugh and say girls are so angry all the time, so he stops himself from apologizing. Which, you think his friends were being a little rude to all girls alike, but what mattered was that Lee Heeseung never ended up saying sorry.Â
But thatâs just one way of spelling it. He hit you in the face with a ball, ran into you when your knee was scraped and you almost were bursting into tears, and tripped you in the lunch line.Â
Did the universe hate you, or did he?Â
You figured it was the latter.
Heeseungâs been stuck to you your entire life with some extra strong adhesive that you canât seem to get off. You wish you could get some of the same glue that stuck you two to the hip and attach his tongue to the nearest streetlight, but things almost never worked in your favor. If you could catch him, just once, like one of the dumb boys who lick frozen poles in winter, youâd be satisfied.Â
The blackmail would trump any sort of Heeseung related adversity your elementary grade self had to deal with.Â
Unfortunately, the years have rendered you no protection against him, and in the small victories you find yourself in, you also see Heeseung right next to you. The exam you aced was topped by Heeseung with a 98%, just a bit higher than your 96%, and it couldnât even feel good to talk about it because you knew all your friends talked about was how he did the best. Better than you.Â
There was no accomplishment anymore when Heeseung was around.Â
Heeseung was perfect in everyoneâs eyes, a golden boy in their praises and a role model for their parents. If people didnât want to be with Lee Heeseung, people wanted to be Lee Heeseung. That? That was something you hated. How could people want to be someone who you couldnât stand?
Summer is a new slate- a very humid new beginning for you to get away from people at school and hang out with only your closest of friends and to ghost any new message you get. That is, if you choose to. Or, you could have an objectively more âhot girl summerâ where you go to pools and post pictures on social media and talk about strangers on the internet. Unfortunately, none of those things seemed to be a viable option, with your friends in different countries and in cute swimsuits. Your visits to your grandmother had been so pushed back with all of the finals on top of exams and end of the year festivities that it had been a while since you last saw her. Spending time with her this summer was your number one priority- your friends could wait a few weeks to hang out again.Â
You spend your first Saturday at her house making pastries with oddly reminiscent spices and a sprinkle of your childhood within every slice. If thereâs one person you can trust to stay the same, itâs your dear grandma, with her decade old recipes and hard to find ingredients that she sometimes makes you go on a manhunt for. Itâs endearing in a way to know that her cooking will never change, and maybe itâs the reason you make an effort to visit when you can. You love your grandma, and you always have, because sheâs the only true constant in a world thatâs constantly changing.Â
Youâve made a feast by the time the sun barely peeks from the edge of the ground. Youâve measured countless spoons of sauces and powdery substances that all look the same and you're surprised the sauce you burned still tastes good. Sheâs finished setting up the table, and you two can finally dig into your favorite authentic cooking. Even if you see her quite frequently, she doesnât always cook. Sometimes itâs leftovers, sometimes itâs take-out. But today was different.Â
After youâve both finished, your grandma hands you plastic wrapped dishes filled with mere fractions of what you two have made. She tells you to go to the Leeâs down the road, and your eyes narrow slightly. Lee is also the last name of Heeseung. So, what would be the odds it was him?Â
Not likely. Heeseung would think heâs too cool to live in an area like this. His parents are probably minted- and if not loaded, then well off.Â
Well, you were 100% wrong! Lee Heeseung does seem to live here, and you will admit the porcelain figures of calico cats in the dark as shapeless silhouettes were a little frightening at first. Your grandma washed away your previous concerns with a âOf course theyâll be home! Heeseung always answers the door for me.â and pushes you out of the house to deliver the two boxes of leftovers that smell delectable. If you werenât so full, youâd just take a different route and have it for yourself.Â
You can hear the âitâs our neighbor!â And a pair of footsteps tumbling down the carpeted stairs to answer the doorbell.Â
Lee fucking Heeseung in his sock and pajama clad glory. How punchable he looked in this very moment, with his warm brown dyed hair and white t-shirt.Â
âI have leftovers. For your family.â His widened eyes immediately go back to their normal state, and he reaches out to meet your offering halfway.Â
âYou live here?â He asks, in a calm, civil manner that you donât think youâve ever seen with him.Â
âGrandma does- Iâm just her errandâŠrunner.â You respond, in a not so smooth way. You wince internally at how choppy your words come out, but make no further effort to fix it. By now, itâs Heeseung whoâs holding the styrofoam boxes. Your job is done. âDo you live here?âÂ
He nods solemnly, a smile filled with a smidgen of pride dusted across his features. He loves this house- Heeseungâs been in it his entire life, and itâs obvious the memories that have stayed with him since childhood make him far from ashamed to say itâs where heâs grown up all these years. But you? Could you say the same thing about the simple abode you went home to everyday?Â
Maybe not. Another reason why Heeseung had it perfect, and another reason to resent him.Â
You sighed to ease the tension that had condensed between the two of you. His mom wondered what took him so long, and he wondered the same question.Â
Before youâre about to turn away, he blurts, âThanks for the food.â You turn around, nodding a silent âof course,â and walking away.Â
At that very moment, there was no reason to hate Lee Heeseung. But as you walked away and back to your house, you hated the calico cats and the gate you entered through the house he went back inside to.Â
The nostalgic board game high with your grandma does not last for long. As if the universe needed another reason to hate you, the unfortunate truth was that there was always more in store when you were subjected to a bad day, a bad week, or even a case of bad luck. You come back to the mahogany door to terrible news- your grandmother is sick. You rush out of her house the same day with the names of medicinal cures scribbled on a notecard and an urgency in your step. You buy her enough to last for the next few lifetimes, but it doesnât matter. Anything healthy you could find in the fresh food aisle, you put in your cart, and when you came home, she was already up and sweeping the cold floors with a cough threatening to overwhelm her.Â
Sometimes, you wish she didnât overwork herself. You gently coerce her into laying on the couch, taking some of the medicine you got with a cup of warm water to ease her throat. She says nothing and you expect nothing in return for the last minute shopping youâve done, but her eyes hold a sincere thankfulness that you know she will never speak aloud. When sheâs retired to her bed, you finish unpacking the groceries and complete the mental task of chores your grandma wouldâve exerted herself to finish independently. When youâve finished, your hands are dry with soap and cleaning products, and your arms ache from the mopping, but the house is clean, and your grandma is sleeping well in the other room. You turn off the tv with one of her shows and switch off the light, heading back to your room and changing out of your clothes. By the time you crawl into your bed and charge your phone, the moon is the last thing you remember seeing before you fall asleep.
Monday comes unexpectedly, despite time still being on its course. You find yourself flipping through the cookbooks that littered the walls in your grandmotherâs room, and in turn, the absolute urge to busy yourself in her passions manifested in the impulsive decision to work at her bakery.Â
âCould- could I go work in the shop?âÂ
At first, her rejection was through scowls and furrowed eyebrows wondering why someone like you would want to fill their youthful summer days dusting surfaces with flour and kneading doughs instead of living the dream and swimming in turquoise waters. Her second rejection is easier to register. âI already have Hee helping me.â She states plainly, excusing the idea of two people in one room to run her business. Your nose scrunches up, and the temperature of your blood increases tenfold.
âHeeseung,â she clarifies, with almost too much enthusiasm. âHeâs in your grade. Goes to your school, too.â She smiles, brushing a section of hair behind your ear and examining the imperfections on your skin. You frown, the obvious displeasure plastered on your features. Itâs not hard to notice you donât like what she just told you. âYou donât like him?â
âItâs whatever.â You tell her, shrugging away from her gaze and shrinking in on yourself. âI donât care much for him.âÂ
What a lie! âIt seems like you donât like him.â She comments.
Of course you donât like him. Heeseung is stuck up, arrogant, and looks past people like you- people who just arenât as perfect as him. âI mean, why canât I help you? Shouldnât HeeseungâŠ.rest for the summer?âÂ
âItâs fine- heâs helped me out multiple times anyways.â She concludes, closing the book she was reading previously. âI wouldnât mind you coming down to help, Iâm sure 17 year olds like you and Hee can run things by yourself.â You raise an eyebrow at both of your names mentioned, but donât speak out against her.Â
You can run it by yourself, but you wonât, simply because your grandmother seems to have an affinity for some boy you just happen to hate. Plus, if Heeseung messes up, you get all the triple chocolate cake to yourself, so youâll pray on his downfall until then.Â
Wednesday morning is when you head over to the bakery, at a much earlier time than usual. The business doesnât open until at least an hour later, and you spend the time preparing the mixing stands and covering the sweet rolls to be baked in a light sheen of oil. When the sun shines more vibrantly in the morning sky, and the cars honk at the traffic, a ruffled head of hair enters the building, and youâre very worried that you mightâve forgotten to lock the doors. âSorry, weâre closed!â You yell out, but Lee Heeseungâs tuft of tinted hair is already in your vicinity.Â
âThe real question would be why youâre here, Miss _____.â He glances towards you, curiosity glazing his eyes over. You immediately scowl at his slightly teasing tone, one that could feel even condescending if he pushed that boundary just a bit more. Lee Heeseung might objectively be better than you in the eyes of an average high schooler, but frankly, you were just the same, and he had no right to sound that amused when you woke up and came here first. Itâs 8:03am, and you already found just one more reason to hate him.Â
You roll your eyes, knowing that with your back turned to him, he wouldnât notice the obvious displeasure. âI canât help out my grandma?âÂ
Itâs so quiet in the place that you hear him suck on a breath behind you. âSheâs your grandma?âÂ
âDid you not remember when I dropped off the food? Oh right, you probably wouldnât spend your time on something soâŠ,â you pause, racking your brain for a word you think he would use. ââinsignificant.ââÂ
Rustling. He takes a bowl and a carton of eggs. âDonât put words in my mouth. Sorry, itâs just so difficult to believe youâre related to her.â Were you really that detached from your culture, or was Heeseung just mean?Â
Lee Heeseungâs words get right under your skin, and it makes you see red. You frown in his direction, disregarding his words and moving on with your day. âYeah, my grandma is nice, I just donât know why she thinks youâre a saint.â
âShe thinks Iâm a saint?â And you see something for the first time, something thatâs akin to stars in his eyes, and the corner of his lips turn in satisfaction. He doesnât even comment on how youâve let it slip that youâre jealous of their relationship.Â
âMaybe in your dreams.âÂ
âYou just said-âÂ
You feel like two cats about the fight behind a dumpster, before the door jingles, and someone walks into your conversation with Heeseung.Â
âSorry, is the shop not-?â
You rush to the counter before Heeseung does, counting it as a mental victory to take the first order.Â
âIt is! What would you like?â Itâs something else you can tell your grandma when you get home- that youâve been starting off all the work in the bakery, and youâre ânot sure what Heeseung really does.â
The professionalism masks the irritation on his features, and you wouldâve killed to see Lee Heeseungâs frown once more.Â
When the customer is done telling you his order, you make sure he gets everything he needs, fully satisfied before the ring of the door is heard once more during his departure. The corner of your lip turns up into a grin, victorious as you childishly tease your co-worker.Â
âIâm going to do the most around here, and I donât need your pretty face getting in the way of things.âÂ
While he denies the rest, Heeseung doesnât quite ignore what you said about his features.Â
When noon has passed, but the sun still glares down on everyone outside, you work just as hard as the white ceiling fan providing cool air for everyone inside. You work in silence, with a playlist filling the air and adding to the ambience, as you listen to your own music through your headphones. Heeseung works without interacting with you more than what needs to be done, and rarely asks for help. He doesnât let people down; if anything, he exceeds their expectations, but never yours. Itâs been like this since the beginning, and youâre convinced itâs something personal- some wrangle ever since you two learned what cooties were that lasted until now.Â
â____,â He starts, turning to you. You glance at him, waiting for the boy to continue. âCan you make the brown sugar milk tea- itâs on the-âÂ
âI know where it is.â You snip.
Heeseung makes the right choice (in your opinion) to say nothing as you proceed to grab a cup and open the container of boba pearls. After youâve taken a few orders, you move to the back of the bakery to pull the tray of matcha sheet cake onto the counter to cool.Â
âHave you seen the scissors?â Heeseung asks out of nowhere, startling you from the doorway.Â
Reaching for the ones you used to cut the parchment paper with, you hand the pair to him and with a mumbled âthank you,â he makes his leave.
In an odd way, youâre stunned by the silence that follows. A âyou suck, _____!â would be more in character for villainous Lee Heeseung than whatever just happened. But youâre way too occupied with the bakery, and go back to cutting squares in the matcha cake.Â
Itâs the same for the next hour until the rush ends and you get a bit more time to yourselves between orders. Heeseung agrees to wash the dishes and you clean the tables to the sound of your playlist from the speakers.Â
âYou have good music taste.â Is the first thing that comes out of his mouth when he emerges. He wipes his hand on a white towel and you stare at him, utterly puzzled. Whereâs the malice? Whereâs his snarky comments?
âIâm waiting for you to tell me itâs not as good as yours, or something along those lines.â You deadpan.Â
Heeseung rolls his eyes. âIâm not that mean, I can give a compliment or two when I feel like it.âÂ
âOh, poor Lee Heeseung only has so much room in his heart to compliment people. How thankful should I be that you spend your daily supply of niceness on me?â You snap, cleaning off the tables. Your chest feels light and you donât feel as angry as you did this morning, finding your digs to be more playful that serious
Blame it on the lack of sleep.
âI think you should be bowing down to me and only talking when I tell you to.â He jokes, and when you glance up, thereâs a semblance of a smile on his face. âAnyways, when are you leaving?â
âWhenever you leave.â You tell him, shrugging.Â
âYour grandma said she didnât want you to stay too late but she also wanted me to take you home, and I think sheâd throw a fit if you didnât. You were dropped off this morning, right?â
âIâd die before getting into a car with you, Lee Heeseung.âÂ
âIf I had to get into a car with you, thatâs probably how Iâd die.â He responds lightly. You furrow your eyebrows and rack your brain for some sort of retort that hurts Heeseungâs pride, but nothing comes up.Â
âMy driving skills are very good, Iâll have you know.âÂ
He jabs, âDidnât think you had it in you.â
âHow about, next time you come, you leave with your bumper falling off? Some bad driving, yeah?âÂ
Heeseung could start feeling dizzy if his eyes continue to roll around in his skull. âSure, weâll see what your insurance has to say about that.âÂ
The aroma of vanilla slips through the air, and momentarily distracts you as you make haste to get it from the ringing oven. Unfortunately, your enthusiasm spills over the rim, and when reaching inside, you feel the burn of the sheet cake as you leave it on the iron rack to cool. Heeseung doesnât tear his eyes from the way you jump back, squeezing the tender skin between your fingers as you blow on it in puffs.Â
âAre you okay? Here-â He reaches for your hand, but gentle. âLet me see that.â Heeseung soothes the slight pain with his thumb running over the burn, and his breath cooling it down slowly.Â
âIâm fine.â You tell him, slowly pulling your finger away. His gaze snaps back up at you, and you feel your disdain for him dwindle ever so slightly. Maybe the Heeseung that rushed to make sure you were okay isnât so bad.Â
âRight. Youâll be fine.â And he doesnât know if itâs something he tells himself, or if heâs telling you, when he goes to get some ointment.Â
âA grad party? With Heeseung? Invited?âÂ
You canât see him, but you almost hear Sunooâs pout from the line. âYeah, I donât even know why you two fight anyways.âÂ
You huff, laying back down on your bed after Sunooâs confession made you shoot up in surprise. âHave you seen him? Heâs the most stuck-up annoying person ever.âÂ
Your friend hums. âTo be honest, I donât think you really know him.âÂ
âI know him plenty. And thereâs nothing good about him, like, ever!âÂ
âYou barely even talk to him, ____.â The last week proves differently, but you bite your tongue.
âI talk to him enough!â Youâd defend yourself until the end of the earth. âHeâs justâŠalways around me- not like I even want him to, or heâs always hanging out with my friends, or-â
âOur friends.âÂ
âWell, not really.â You think hard. âTheyâre only friends because you and I are friends, so Iâm friends with Heeseung in a distant obligatory way. And I need to keep it that way by not coming to this party.âÂ
âCome on!â Sunoo whines from the phone, and you laugh at his antics. âItâs a grad party, youâll be too busy talking with everyone else to care anyways.âÂ
âWell, maybe for a bit.âÂ
âWhenâs the next time weâll even be able to see each other anyways? Considering all of this college stuff.âÂ
You break his facade. âWeâre literally going swimming in two weeks from now.â Sunoo laughs. âNo, ____. Swimming is different from eating snacks and playing dumb board games.âÂ
Heâs right, and you admit that itâll be fun for something once last time.Â
Maybe Heeseung wonât even show up.Â
The next day at the bakery, you rush to ask him, almost too eager to know his answer. âAre you going to Sunooâs party?â Please say no please please please-
âOf course. Iâm his friend. You werenât invited, or something?â His tone makes you want to light a fire on his head.Â
âIâm his friend, too. I was the first person he talked to about it, so of course I was invited, and of course Iâm going.â You say it as if the boy in front of you didnât make you single handedly question your attendance last night. You say it like your demeanor never faltered, not even once. You say it like Heeseung had no say in the decision.
Because he definitely didnât.
âIâll see you there, then.â He smiles at you, a glint of evil in his eyes as he gauges your reaction. You return his scheming grin, frosting a slice of cake before walking out and calling the order number. When Heeseung emerges from the paper white curtains, he sees you engrossed in helping a customer pick out a few of the best options for âsomething not so sweet.âÂ
When youâre done, you turn around to take a sip of your iced tea. âReally?â He starts, stirring some milk into a swirling shot of espresso. âThe red bean cake is your definition of not too sweet?â Your ear-to-ear smile falls when you hear the off-handed comment from Heeseung, leaning against the counter with his taro milk tea, with close to no sugar.Â
âIâm sure if they asked you, they wouldâve walked out with a cake that tastes like a sponge.â You retaliate. You do your best not to look so affected, seeing as there were other people in the vicinity. Itâs a bakery, you have to keep up the comforting atmosphere.Â
âI donât really think youâre the best person to offer advice for those kinds of things, unfortunately.â His tone snips at your resolve, and with every passing moment you stare at his lips and listen to his words, the more you wish to sew them together.Â
âSure, and theyâll be satisfied with eating basically paper? Your standards are also a little far-fetched.â You busy yourself with cleaning the cups and bowls from this morning, physically turning away from him.Â
He walks past you and into the kitchen, but not before saying, âIâm sorry one of us has good taste.âÂ
You pray to every being that someone keeps Heeseung from speaking another insufferable word.Â
Sunooâs house is as quaint as you remember, and although you donât find yourself making the resemblance often, it suits him. With one hand occupied with holding a gift, and the other about to press the doorbell, youâre interrupted by an all too familiar voice.Â
âI guess you did show up. Sucks to see my dreams didnât come true.â
âI will throw this at you.â You motion to the neat basket in your hands.
Heeseung sighs dramatically, before continuing in the same feigned tone. âWould be a shame if Sunoo only had one gift from us.âÂ
âHeâd understand.â You turn around to ring the doorbell, and Sunoo emerges, a bright smile on his face. He greets the both of you, and his quick side hug immediately reminds you of why youâre here.Â
You will have a good time. And you wonât let any auburn haired boy ruin that.Â
Despite being close to Sunoo, youâre not as close to the rest of his friends. He keeps his circle small, only with people he spends time with regularly. Which would be good for any other day, but for today, you feel almost like an outsider. Sunooâs group of friends greet you all the same, and shower the boy behind you with affection. When you walk towards the kitchen, you catch some more of your mutual friends, and your nerves slowly ease away. You join their ongoing card game, an observer to it all as they yell in success or defeat.Â
The group of people playing Taboo suddenly doubles as the six of Sunooâs friends decide they want in. With the way you move to the floor, youâre so preoccupied with making sure thereâs enough space for everyone and that all the cards are there, that you donât realize where youâre sitting.Â
Cross legged, on the ground, next to Lee Heeseung.Â
You canât get up, and you weakly protest against the many thoughts telling you that a game of Taboo with Lee Heeseung would get you so heated that everyone would see steam out of your ears by the end of the first round.Â
âYou know how to play?â Yuna starts to thumb through the cards, making sure all of them are placed in the right orientation. While the majority of you guys nod, a few of them shake their heads, and it prompts a quick explanation from Ryujin.Â
âSo, everyone gets a set of cards in a team of 3, and you have to describe it without using the words in the white box below. So for example, if my word is Vanilla, I canât use the words bean, flavor, ice cream, extract, or chocolate.â She shows everyone the example card, and you all nod your heads. âOkay, now we divide into teams!â You tune out the rest of her words as she divides you all into sections based on where youâre sitting, and it leaves you with a twisting feeling.Â
âBlue will be ____, Heeseung, and Jungwon!âÂ
Truly, was luck ever on your side?
You donât have time to ponder just how horrible things are going, because Jungwonâs excitedly pulling you two close into a circle to discuss game plans.Â
âOkay, just skip the cards you canât answer, think about references rather than actual descriptions. Guys, the prize is good, Sunoo told me.â And the need to win anything reignites in your eyes, determination being your main motivation.Â
Jake, Sunghoon, and Yuna go first, and guess four cards correctly. You feel the excitement coursing through the air like electricity, as everyoneâs competitive spirit shows through.Â
Itâs finally your turn, and you volunteer to be the describer, picking up the cards with anticipation. You share a look with Heeseung and Jungwon, praying they share your wave of telepathy.Â
First word- Engine.Â
You scan through the words youâre not allowed to use, Jake watching over as your referee in case you slip up.Â
âOkay, itâs the thing in the-â Youâre about to say car, but you pause, quickly trying to reevaluate your descriptions. The timer looms, and you feel panic settle in. âThe thing that powers theâŠvroom vroom.âÂ
In Jungwonâs head, it clicks. âEngine!â You toss the card, reading the next. Egypt?Â
âItâs a 3D thing, but it has three sides in north Africa.âÂ
âPyramids.â Heeseung answers smoothly.Â
You grin unknowingly. âRight-right, okay. Where is it?â
âEgypt.âÂ
âThis is a Jesus related celebration-â You continue, glancing at the hourglass as the sand slips through.
âEaster!â Jungwon says. âChristmas!âÂ
âThe second one! Itâs one of the little things you⊠put up!âÂ
âStockings!â And you shake your head at Jungwon, goading them to think a bit more and guess. You glance up almost sheepishly, at a loss of words and stumbling over thoughts. Heeseung sighs, leaning back before looking at you again.Â
âOh, donât look at me like that.â You huff, flicking at the card anxiously.Â
âLike what? Like you canât describe a simple word?âÂ
âOh, as if you could-â
âOrnament!â And with that, the timer ends. You glare at Heeseung, hard, and if you were anything like Superman, you really wouldâve burned holes through his skull. Thankfully, with Jungwon was your mediator, you donât say anything snarky back at him, staying silent as the other groups go.Â
The first round tension eases as the night carries on. As Jake and Sunghoon score 7 cards in one round, it prompts you, Heeseung, and Jungwon to come together, a jittery feeling as you sip from a can of soda and pray your brain works in tandem with both of them.Â
Remembering Heeseungâs your describer, you sink in your seat a little, feeling hopelessness consume your mind- but Jungwon doesnât let you sulk as he cheers Heeseung on. âLast round!â He says, a sparkle in his eye. The teams are so close, and despite your team having the lowest points by being the last group to go, you know you can score the 6 points needed to beat Ni-ki, Ryujin, and Sunoo.Â
The hourglass is flipped, and you hold your breath.Â
âNaturally occuring formation,â he says smoothly, glancing at you and Jungwon. âHot stuff.âÂ
It clicks. âVolcano!â Jungwon smiles, feeling victory running through his veins. Heeseungâs lip curls up.Â
âItâs the saying with too many people, âthreeâs a..â He waits for you both to finish the line.Â
âCrowd!â Heeseung and you smile at each other as he continues to rush through the cards, briefly glancing over to the timer.Â
He falters slightly, before lighting up. âWhen youâre excited, youâre on ____ 9.â You finish it quickly, burning holes into the back of his cards before he continues. You have to win.Â
âJungwon, we played this game in 2020 on Discord with the guys!âÂ
âAmong Us.â and you laugh at the references he makes to win.
â____, itâs the 60% thing you like at the bakery.â
Your breath hitches, and you almost forget to answer until you see the way heâs looking at you.Â
âChocolate.â You mumble, and he cracks a grin again, relieved to get it in only four seconds.Â
With the way he looks at the words and furrows his eyes, you worry that the sand will slip through the hourglass completely before he can finish explaining the sixth and final word.Â
Heeseung chooses to deviate from the normal meaning of the words, and chooses to use a different meaning of it in order to not risk using a word on his unavailable list. âWhen something is more spicy than you expect, you say it has a little something to it.âÂ
Your heart is beating wildly, and youâre barely in the same spot as you were when you first started, leaning over and closer to Heeseungâs curly fringe. âKick!â you yell out, and the room explodes in commotion, carefully counting the tallies under every team name. Yeji sighs as she marks down your final tally, and you stand up, all in a group hug before you even realize it. You watch Heeseung, looking up at the way his eyes are closed and his smileâs wide. The adrenaline keeps you jumping with your partners, unaware of how Sunoo observes the carefree way you cling onto his friend, and the supposed bane of your existence. When you two finally stop cheering at your long awaited victory, you shoot Heeseung a glance, noticing how heâs already looking at you with the same gears turning in his head. Although youâve created space, heâs zoned out, and you can tell he hasnât noticed that you two once again make eye contact. It takes a raised eyebrow from you for him to look elsewhere, absentmindedly tonguing the inside of his cheek, feeling almost embarrassed to have been so close.Â
Thereâs a bubbling feeling in your stomach whenever you think about how he remembered- how Lee Heeseung pays attention to the little things. You push it down, because itâs nothing more than what coworkers do for each other. Heâs cordial, as always. Thatâs all it is.
âDidnât seem like you hated Heeseung much.â Sunoo comments, a smile puffing up his cheeks. You roll your eyes, helping him pick up some of the stray trash from the floor after the party is over.Â
âDonât even!â You start, debating if you should throw a Dorito in his face. âItâs just for the games, he was literally insufferable every other minute.âÂ
Sunoo is unfortunately the victim to your back-and-forth, trying for you to see with reason but falling short to your simple petty nature. He fails to see how Heeseung has treated you, but deep down, you see it. You see the occasional stare Heeseung finds himself in with you, the frown on his features or the way he always carries himself as if heâs somehow better than you. Itâs exasperating how easily he surpasses you, and always glances back to make sure you know. The looks he gives you are deceptive, and you basically see his thoughts laid out in front of him before he turns away. You swear to Sunoo that he has it out for you, always trying to boost that inflated ego of his by showing you how much better he is at anything.Â
âHow are you so sure Heeseung just wants to rub it all in your face? Well, wait.â He pauses, tying a trash bag closed. âWhy do you look at him so much that you catch him staring?âÂ
Oh. You think about it, truly emptying your brain to find a proper answer, but deep down, there was none to be found.Â
âI donât know, Sunoo,â you huff. âHe just always looks at me.âÂ
âMaybe he wants to be friends.âÂ
Violently shaking your head, you smash in a water bottle, feeling a flash of confusion pass through you. âWhy would he want to be friends with me? To show heâs such a nice and caring person?â The boy on the receiving end sighs, slumping to the floor in the kitchen. You stare at him, watching how Sunoo deflates before going to wash his hands in the sink. âYouâre insufferable.â He calls out, laughing quietly.Â
A frown makes its way onto your features unknowingly, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion as you truly put yourself in your friendâs shoes.Â
Surely, Sunoo sees what you mean, right? Thereâs just no way Heeseung would want to be friends with you either- itâs not like you treat him any better than he treats you. Plus, Heeseung has had it out for you, always by your side for the best and for the worst times, somehow dampening your mood in both.Â
Right?
After a tight hug from Sunoo and your efforts to lift his mood after a long day, you get in your car, a random song from your playlist coursing through the stuffy air.Â
There is mutual hatred- well, maybe not hatred, but dislike. A definite dislike between you and some part time bakery employee who also happens to be the worst boy youâve ever met.Â
Youâre beginning to think that this feud between you two is a small flame that youâre shoveling piles of wood into, igniting from your own hands.Â
You have no idea how to prove it, though. You canât let yourself look like an idiot by simply being nice to him if he really has it out for you and hates you- or else heâll get some sort of upper hand.Â
Your plan goes like this; Youâll give Lee Heeseung one chance to prove himself as an arrogant and selfish person, and when it happens, itâll be true solid evidence you have to dislike him. Itâll prove that Lee Heeseung hasnât changed one bit, and that you were always right in your beliefs.Â
You trust the universe will help you out one time, and pray for the best.Â
So thatâs why, when your grandmother invites you to join her at the Leeâs once again, you agree, finally getting to try not just the leftovers of Mrs. Leeâs delicious galbi recipe.Â
And thatâs how you're standing in front of his doorstep with a welcome mat under your feet, and a porcelain cat staring up at you from the porch.Â
You hear the commotion that follows your knock, and you're greeted with a warm smile from whom you can only assume is Heeseungâs mother. After she invites you in, you meet the rest of the family, and make sure your grandmother has taken a seat. Heeseung glances at you from the stairs, before wordlessly joining the table, quickly grabbing bowls in the kitchen before coming to sit down. Everyone interacts, and youâre stuck smiling and shaking hands with his father and bowing to his grandmother, asking if thereâs anything you can do to help.Â
When his mother brings the steaming aromatic food over, your eyes light up. âHere, Heeseung, sit next to ____!âÂ
Your smile drops.Â
He takes the empty seat next to you, flashing you a grin. âLong time no see.â You roll your eyes, with the distance between the two of you closer than ever, you lean over to make sure your grandma gets plenty of cabbage kim-chi and warm sauces with her rice, helping her whenever necessary. By the time you sit back down, your bowl already is full of food. You glance over at the culprit.
Heeseung just shrugs when you raise an eyebrow, muttering a thank you before digging in.Â
âI hear youâre planning to attend the same university as Heeseung.â His motherâs words cause your eyes to widen, choking slightly on your bite before you feel someoneâs hand on your back. âYou okay, ____?â And the mirth in his eyes tells you he finds your reaction funny.
You shake your head in earnest, feeling yourself lose even more passion for school. She continues, reaching for some grilled meats with her chopsticks. âItâs exciting, isnât it? You two are basically neighbors, and youâre always super hard working. Maybe Heeseung could learn a thing or two, since I hear so much about how you help out your grandma.â
Youâre pleased to hear she likes you, but it all comes out at once, and her confessions leave you in surprise. You glance over at the boy next to you, hoping to gain some wicked satisfaction from it all, but what you see leaves you with a dejected look. Heeseungâs gaze is steely, and you notice the almost glare his mom sends her son after saying it. He feels small, unlike the confidence that surrounds him after test scores or when he got admitted into his colleges. Something doesnât feel right, and it leaves a sour feeling on your tongue when you try to make yourself bigger than him.Â
âHeeseung has always done well. Iâm sure heâll continue to do well both at the bakery and in school.â You donât mean to disagree with her, but itâs true. You hate to admit it, at least to his face, but Heeseungâs worked just as hard or harder than everyone else. He tilts his head in confusion as to why youâd voice something like that, and you roll your eyes, hoping that he never brings it up again. Â
You continue to talk with his mother, laughing at her comments and going along with whatever she has to say, no matter how traditional her views might be. You thank her profusely for the meal, and she waves you off with a bashful look. âItâs nothing,â she communicates through her laughs and small hug when you two are about to leave.
âSee!â Your grandma says on the walk back, as you carry tupperware of marinated meats and soup. âHee isnât so bad after all.âÂ
âI guess.â You really have nothing else to tell her, not wanting to ruin the delicate moments between you two as the sun casts down a slim glow. âHe didnât really say much.âÂ
His mom, however, made you realize just why Heeseung performs at the standard he does- because he really has no choice but to be the best, or to accept failure in front of his parentsâ eyes. Itâs a corrosive treatment, one that slowly digs away at anyoneâs ability to be passionate about truly anything.Â
She changes the subject. âHowâs the bakery?âÂ
You want to tell her that Heeseung is annoying, that he runs around always telling you to do things, that heâs always too busy covered in flour and coconut cream to help you out. You want to tell her that you hate Heeseung, and that your quality of life decreases whenever heâs around. He messes with you, sends jokes and digs your way, and you donât know how to get him out of there faster.Â
âHeeseungâs fine. I know heâs a big help to you.â And maybe, heâs become a big help to you, too.Â
There is one thing youâre not sure you can perfect- macarons.Â
Theyâre dumb, take so little ingredients yet such precision- and to be honest, do they even taste that good? In your personal opinion, theyâre nothing amazing, and honestly, the scraps of chocolate cake that you donât use for cake pops serves you well.Â
The night before, you and Heeseung both mutually agreed to stay for a bit longer, starting on the macarons so neither of you would mess up tomorrow morning in a rush. Itâs a large order, and you get them relatively often. You try to get tips from your grandmother the night before that, writing them down in your phone and making sure you listen to every piece of advice she says. You write down the last thing in your notes, ominously typed out in bold text. âdonât overdo it.â it reads, and you stay up watching videos on how other people make them look so perfect.Â
Staying late for the shift meant you shifted your routine by a few hours- showering later, eating a bit later, and sleeping less than you shouldâve. You were tired already, but the extra work only added to it, making you feel less and less confident in every piped macaron.Â
The alarm reads 8:00am, a criminally late hour if you want to get to work on time. Sending a quick apologetic text to your coworker, you rush out of the house, driving as carefully as you can to make it there while scraping as much time off as you can. Rushing in, you see Heeseung, leaning over and assessing your yellow batch. If the grid you used was supposed to be a 5 by 11 sheet, then there should be 55 macarons- but you notice, in a few places, there are missing confections.Â
One culprit. âHow childish do you have to be to eat the ones Iâve made?â The immediate accusation has Heeseung looking up at you, straightening his back to narrow his eyes.Â
âSome of your macarons were hollow shelled.âÂ
âWhat, so you go and throw them away without even asking me?â
Heeseung hates how the mood is immediately dampened, finding himself getting more heated around you. âWe literally need 25 of each- only four of yours were hollow- I had to start making another batch because I didnât want to risk mine being hollow, too.â He tries to explain, tapping his fingers on the counter. Your skin feels hot- how dare he mess with the batch you already worked so hard to pipe and fold? If you were to fish out the shells from the trash right now, you would be positive that they werenât even that empty. You grab one of the tools from near the sink, going to inspect his red ones.Â
His attempt to make himself look human is shattered when you notice that none of his, are in fact, hollow like how he presumes they were.Â
âYou didnât even check yours!â You exclaim, feeling targeted.Â
He rolls his eyes. âIt doesnât even matter whoâs batch it was- why do you care so much that I was trying to help you out because you were late today?âÂ
That- that was your reason. Lee Heeseung once again spelt trouble, by meddling in your macarons when you couldâve so easily examined them yourself. He turns around to start washing the utensils in the sink, as you stand there and seethe. Blame it on the sleep, or on the stress of rushing out this morning, but all of it makes you walk out of the building, feeling the hot tears fill your waterline before they spill and cascade down your skin.Â
You worked so hard to make them- and even if they werenât perfect, even if what he had to say was right, you just wished you couldâve seen it for yourself. You havenât worked there much prior to the summer, and macarons have always been something youâve wanted to nail, so to see Heeseung set the standard according to his own feelings and just throw out the ones you wanted to see- well, it hurts. Itâs a jab at your pride, at all the effort youâve put into learning and watching videos, sacrificing sleep to listen to people croak advice after advice on one of the greatest baking feats. It hurts to see once again that youâve failed to be like Heeseung, and that he took matters into his own hands by assessing your tray for you
Fishing out your phone, you look for one contact to offer comfort. âGrandma?â You ask, sinking down to rest your head on your knees without sitting on the cement. Youâre next to your car, not wanting to go through the efforts of finding your keys.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â She asks immediately after hearing your sniffle, and you tell her. You tell her about how your shells were uneven, and how you worked so hard for them, and how Heeseung threw them away before you could even see for yourself. She understands your pain, and tells you that no one can perfect something as difficult as macarons- and that during spring break, she had seen Heeseung go through the same thing. It helps, just a little, to know that he started from the same place as you, too. You calm down with her further reassurance, and wipe your puffy eyes before coming back in. Youâre afraid the patrons will notice somethingâs up, and ignore Heeseungâs worried looks to pat cold water onto your eyelids in hopes of helping them look less red.
He sees all of it- Heeseung Isn't stupid, he knows what heâs done, but he canât get himself to apologize. And as you knew, he went through the same heartbreaking process, and in his thorough reassessment of the situation, he doesnât know why he didnât see it from your perspective until you stormed out.Â
âI'm sorry,â he writes on the bag of lemon curd he made for your macarons. But it does little to salvage your disposition for today. You ignore him, never asking for any help, or any opinion even in the times you usually would. Itâs quiet throughout the whole day, like a gray cloud has dampened the colors in the sky, and you clock out at exactly the right time after everything is done, put away, and cleaned. you refuse to leave a mess for Heeseung to point out, but you leave feeling angry, sad, but mostly, disappointed.Â
The next day, you arrive at the bakery to find Heeseung sipping from a dangerously large cup of instant boba and taro milk. His eyes dart up to witness all of your struggling glory carrying a shipment that came to the house instead of the shop. In a hurry, he grabs a few boxes from the top and sets them down on the counter, and whatever you were carrying follows suit. He treats you as if you didnât fight, as if you two arenât filling the room with tension the more you steal glances at each other. He grabs his drink, one that heâs prepared 15 minutes ago, and finishes almost another quarter of it in one long sip.
You want to tease him for how much taro heâs had when itâs barely 8 oâclock, but itâs not the right time. Days like this are always slow, only dragged out longer by the silence and lack of tasks. The awkward silence between you two fuels him to grab scissors and start opening the boxes.Â
âI thought your grandma mightâve told you I could handle it.â Heeseung comments, refilling the crushed water and oreo toppings. âI was checking the delivery updates pretty often.â
âNot often enough,â you snap. You fight back a glare, and proceed to open up your own box of extracts. âIâm her granddaughter. Maybe you should go enjoy summer with your friends. Donât you have a beach trip to thirst trap at or something?â Itâs meant to be an insult, but Heeseung quietly chuckles, finding it a little funny.Â
âYes, we are having a beach trip soon. But i already told your grandma Iâll work in the morning before your aunt comes to take over.â You frown, wondering why your grandma never reaches out to you and asks you to help.
With emphasis on the syllables in his name, you fire back, âLetâs be clear, Heeseung, she wants my help much more than she needs yours.â He glares, stirring a cup with his eyebrows furrowed and lips curled down in distaste.Â
âIâm sure thatâs why she was so enthusiastic about coming over to our house and talking to me.â Itâs your turn to scowl, and youâre afraid Heeseungâs comments will only take years off your life and produce wrinkles on your face much quicker.Â
âFunnily enough, I heard she didnât want you working there at all.â You cross your arms to look at him as a way to further your point.Â
He responds defensively. âYeah. as if.â Even the way Heeseung rolls his eyes at you is annoying. âShe just wants me around more than you.âÂ
You canât feel offended, especially when his tone is so light. It probably isnât even true- how much your grandmother prefers Lee Heeseung over you, just like anyone else. The feeling burns you and you shrink away from the heat of the sudden fire accompanied by the implications of his words. Heeseung catches on to the sudden shift in your demeanor.Â
âHey, I didnât mean that.â He tries to apologize, watching you carefully.
The flames leave you angry with his response, feeling once again belittled by him. âBullshit. Are you glad youâre the favorite for every single person you know?âÂ
His eyebrows furrow, feeling the bite of your words, and the mood instantly changes. âThatâs not what I meant, ____.âÂ
You roll your eyes. âOf course thatâs not what you meant, Heeseung. Of course youâre the one whoâs perfect, and Iâm simply the one who misinterprets all of it. Of course you have never had a bad intention ever and you are loved by everyone. Why canât you just go? Do you really have to take one more thing away from me and make it your own?â The years of resentment pile up in the words you throw at him, and the built up wall youâve created finally shows just why you should despise him so much. âOr was it not your intention to do that either?âÂ
Itâs too early, to be honest, to be fighting like this, and youâre definitely saying things that youâre going to regret. But youâre tired of being second to him- tired of never getting the recognition you so badly deserved from those who you actually wanted to hear it from. Youâre tired of never being heard by your teachers, getting grades that swoop right under a certain someoneâs. All on purpose. (right?)
Despite the sudden urge to bicker with you about how you think everything is about you, and how youâve never given him a chance, the boy beside you is observant to how hurt you sound being so vulnerable. Heeseung finds himself trying to rethink the past ten years of shared childhood experiences. Heâs never really thought about what heâs done to deserve such resentment from you, but the more he says silent, the more he realizes that heâs always so graciously soaked up praise from everyone, and because of it, you were always left sulking in his shadow.Â
âIâm sorry.â But itâs more than that.Â
You feel stupid for expecting anything deeper. âIs that all you have to-â
He cuts you off, trying to articulate the words and form reason. âNo, thereâs more. God- let me just think.â You hear how badly he needs to get it out, and you stay quiet, having let all of your anger out already.Â
âIâm sorry for hurting you. Iâm not going to apologize for all of the things Iâve achieved,â he says firmly. âBecause thatâs never how things were for me- I have no reason to feel bad about what I did.â And you can respect him for standing his ground in a situation full of misunderstanding. âI never did it to hurt you, and I never did it to get in your face and show I was better. But Iâm sorry for hurting you unintentionally. Iâm sorry I never realized that those things were just as important to you, and Iâm sorry for always assuming the worst when weâd talk. Iâm sorry I never apologized, and held all of this against you, and made this thing between us worse than it was supposed to be. And, Iâm sorry, too, about the macarons. That was stupid. I really shouldâve known.â
You feel overwhelmed, your mind trying to undo the years of built up feelings towards him under the assumption that he meant to do those things. âI thought you did it because you genuinely didnât want to see me happy. Like that time you did the extra credit in biology just so you could score better than me.â You breathe, words coming out without really realizing what youâre saying. âOr like that time in first grade where you spilled your applesauce on me, and never apologized. I kept thinking, what the fuck did I do to deserve it? What had I done to make you feel like we had to compete?â Your open ended questions continue to resonate within your co-workerâs mind, and the more you ramble, the more he sees just how twisted he looks.Â
âIn first grade, that was because the boys said Iâd get cooties if I went to talk to you. Believe me, ____, I tried. But every single time I try to fix things between us, you never let me, I swear.âÂ
Itâs your turn to be confused, swearing that you never saw him apologize. âWhen have you ever tried to be nice to me?âÂ
âI tried to let stuff go. Like all the little things weâd say about each other- I tried to understand why you were always so unhappy around me. But you always said I was meddling in your business or that I just wanted to find another way to get under your skin.âÂ
It settles, then, the realization that youâve turned him into the villain a bit more than you shouldâve. You know thereâs always been mutual dislike- there are certain times where you know Heeseung had it out for you, with his sneers, his comments or the way heâd smile at your defeat- but you werenât a saint either. There were other times that maybe, he wasnât out to get you, but you were always so consumed with the idea of hating Lee Heeseung that you hated the idea of him being a decent person, too.Â
âIâm sorry,â You say, leaving your emotions to witness. âI really shouldâve paid attention to your genuine efforts back then, too.â
And youâre not the only one whoâs at a loss for words this time. Heeseung is in uncharted territory, unsure of how to process the way youâre apologizing, and being so open. And heâs antagonized you too; made you out to be a mood killer and party pooper in every event imaginable, despising the idea of being around you because you two always disagree somehow.Â
âBut, why do you do it? Why do you come here if itâs really anything personal?âÂ
He answers in the only way he sees fit. âI want to help her out, sheâs always cooked for our family, sheâs let me come over a few times, just little things for my family and I. I never meant to take your grandma away from you like that, I promise. Sheâs just so kind, and she cares so much about me, so of course I want to care for her, too. I just didnât think itâd be at the expense of you.â
Despite still feeling hurt, you nod, trying to be mature and talking about it rather than burying it deep. âAll I hear about is how she wants you to come, and how she never needs my help anymore because she has you already volunteering. Itâs like I barely mean anything to her.â Your words sting for Heeseung, but not because thereâs any anger directed at him. Heeseung feels a pang of relatability in his chest, the inability to ever be enough for those around you gnawing away at your self-esteem.Â
He shakes his head, begging you silently to understand. âShe doesnât want you to work so hard.â He starts, running a hand through his hair. âShe tells me about how sheâs worried if youâre eating, or if youâre stressed. Sheâs watched you through-out your whole life, ____. All sheâs ever wanted was for you to finally enjoy the summer you worked so hard for.â
âI just wish it felt that way.â You admit.
To hear such high praise from his lips feels foreign- the idea of Lee Heeseung noticing how hard youâve worked, realizing the amount of effort youâve put into your standing and accomplishments, itâs weird. You know he understands completely how stressful itâs all been, considering he was stuck to your side the whole time in highschool whether you liked it or not. Lee Heeseung has worked hard, if not harder, than you, and for him to be able to admit that is so much different than what your perception of him would think. Itâs awkward to meet his gaze, and his small smile eases the tension a little when you laugh at his attempt to soothe things out.Â
âI feel dumb, for thinking so horribly of you. I honestly never thought you looked at me like I was an equal, just someone you could surpass.â He shakes his head, about to reach out and grab your wrist before he realizes just how intimate it would be.Â
âYouâre not dumb, _____. You never have been. Iâve always looked up to you.âÂ
There are knots in your chest- the ones that make it feel as tight and hard to breathe as you do right now- that slowly become untangled the more he speaks of you. His words undo them, little by little, and even if it takes a long time to fix the rift between you two, at least you know you have help.Â
Internally, your heart begs you to ask. âWhy do you even care?âÂ
He pauses, mulling over his words, and looking for a proper response. âI donât know.â He sighs. âI just want to, weâve been around each other since we were kids, and if there was someone who Iâd hope to have by my side, whether or not weâre close, it was you.âÂ
Your breath hitches at his confession, and your mind runs in a hundred different directions, without ever expecting those words to tumble from his lips. You promise yourself to do things differently from now on, not trusting your words to continue the conversation.Â
âWe should finish unpacking.â And the rest is that.Â
When you two leave to go home, the old tension feels different- lighter, almost. As much as you know he would do things to get on your nerves, never understanding just why you were so negative and brooding around him, your perception of him wasnât the best, either. And still, you may be a bit mad at him, and not exactly friendly, but at least youâve both let go of the unspoken baggage. Â
When you sit in the passenger seat, youâre less inclined to turn away and face the window, and make small talk with the radio on.Â
Things arenât perfect- the years of hurt heâs done to you doesnât dissipate in a day, but itâs getting better, and you can only hope it continues that way.Â
A week passes between the two of you, and time flows easier now that you two talked things out. You donât dread going to work, and you didnât refuse when he offered to buy food on the way home a few days ago. Sure, some topics between you two are sore, and youâre not best of friends, but itâs light years ahead of what it was like before.Â
You can never truly get rid of the banter between you two- there are clever insults youâve crafted in your head that you love to see his reaction to, and youâre just the right person for Heeseung to bicker with.Â
âDo you ever stop drinking that soy milk?â Your coworker asks. You nurse your cup, keeping it close as you rush to defend your end of shift drink. âYouâre like, a baby.â
âItâs lactose free. And a very good basic drink.â You explain, frowning at yet another large cup of taro tea he holds in his hands. âYour drink probably tastes like nothing.âÂ
He holds it out, and you raise an eyebrow. âJust use the same straw,â he insists. You truly donât mind, but itâs so weird now to know that Heeseung, like, your friend. But you take a sip anyways, cringing at how your suspicions were right- Thereâs barely a hint of sweetness in there.Â
âDonât make that face!â He comments when you grimace, and also feels the need to protect his opinion on 15% sweet options.Â
âAnyways,â you change the subject, determined to get him to see your sweet tooth ways. âHelp me make some creme brĂ»lĂ©e for my grandma. Iâve never tried.â And he sets his cup down, and for the first time possibly, Heeseung joins you to do something.Â
âIt should be easy, right?â He says, and with a look of determination, you set off.Â
âHeat the cream.â You tell him, reading the instructions from your phone.Â
He retorts lightly, âSo rude.â and you turn around to scoff, all in good fun.Â
âYouâre insufferable.â And he tilts his head, offering you a small pouty smile when he turns on the stove.Â
The mood feels so much less stuffy than it did before when he says, âMust suck to always hate me like how you do.âÂ
âI have an egg yolk in my hand that iâm willing to throw at you.â He chuckles, and peers over at your bowl.Â
âYouâre pretty good at that.â He notes, and you fight the urge to beam at his compliment for your yolk-separation skills. After heâs poured in enough cream, he grabs the sugar and a measuring spoon, fishing your phone out from beside you and reading the measurements.Â
He adds so much less than what the recipe says, and you only know this because when you glance over, the scale reads a number much lower than 65 grams.Â
âHeeseung,â You call out, in a playfully stern manner, and the boy in question turns around like heâs been caught. âBring back the sugar.âÂ
âWeâve run out.â He says, the lie appearing as a wide smile on his face. Unconvinced, you walk over, and in turn, he holds the jar up out of your reach. You refuse to reach for it, knowing that the boy in front of you is much taller, but also that you donât want to break the glass with some horseplay.
Your voice goes from demanding to reasoning. âGive it back. God, I canât stand you and all of your low sugar preferences. The sugar is literally needed for the texture!â He simply shakes his head, walking over to add just one more unmeasured spoonful. âYou didnât even weigh it.âÂ
Heeseung mocks you- a high-pitched and garbled version that follows the intonation of your words, and you let out a surprised scoff at his immaturity. Getting a whisk, you make sure the newly added sugar is fully dissolved. He returns with the pot of cream that bubbles slowly, with an oven mitt around the hot handle. Without a look in your direction, Heeseung holds out his arm between you and the heated cream, and it really doesnât do much- but yet, at the same time, it does. Itâs something he does subconsciously; and something you do your best not to pay attention to in order to properly reach for the whisk.
He slaps your hand away lightly, and you mumble an âow!â in response. âDonât touch that. Let me whisk it. Itâs hot.â He reprimands gently.
Yeah, youâre still doing your best not to pay attention to it.Â
When the mixture transforms from a deep yellow to a pale banana color, he leans down and checks the side of the bowl for any egg and sugar heâs missed. âHere,â you reach out. âLet me get the pot.â Heeseung glances up, and shakes his head quickly.
âNo itâs okay-â and it happens quickly, the hand that was whisking leaves to swat your hand away, but it instead makes contact with the rim of the metal appliance when he doesnât pay attention to where his hand is placed. Although Heeseung only hisses quietly at the pain, you immediately feel bad.Â
âJust give it to me,â you demand, and pry the pot out of his hand to let him nurse his wound, leaving it in the sink and quickly going to the medicine cabinet for burn relief cream- the same one you used a few weeks ago. After you grab it, you return to him, reaching out your hand and waiting for him to show you the puffy red skin.Â
He slowly puts his hand on your palm, and you twist around his finger to apply the ointment, doing your best to spread it without pressing too hard.Â
âThank you.âÂ
You glare. âDonât hold hot things if youâre not fully attending to them.â And he puts his hands up in surrender, taking a step back.Â
âIâll be preparing your ramekins, boss.â The nickname has a nice ring to it.Â
When itâs done, the creme brĂ»lĂ©e comes out with a slight wobble in the middle, indicating a well-cooked perfection. âGrab the blowtorch!â You shove him into the direction of where it is, and he complies. You sprinkle sugar over five of the six dishes, using a spoon to shape the sugar in the last dish into a heart since you thought it looks cute.Â
Heeseung comes back from your right, leaning over to watch you intently. âA heart? You make it seem like youâre in love, or something.â He jokes, evading a jab with your right elbow.Â
âShut up.âÂ
âYou shut up.â
âYou argue like a-â youâre about to finish your sentence with âchild,â but when you turn your head (in hopes that saying it directly would add more emphasis), youâre face to face with Heeseung, with a proximity between you two thatâs far less than expected.Â
He takes a quick step away, and you glance somewhere else with a nervousness in your eye.Â
Neither of you say anything, not really sure if you should apologize or if he should, and you return to your current task, a small churning turning in your stomach. You take a step back to let him caramelize the sugar, and he holds the blowtorch with his non-burned hand.Â
Itâs good, is the only thing you think when you crack the sugar and scoop a bit, admiring the texture. When you and Heeseung finished one each, you begin to clean up and wash the equipment you used.Â
âItâs late, _____. Iâll take you home.â He states the obvious, and for what?
âHow else am I supposed to get back?â You laugh, and in response, he shrugs.Â
âJust a reminder as to which one of us is so graciously kind to drive you too and from the bakery almost everyday.â
âIf I had a choice, I couldâve easily taken my own car. You know my grandma needs it for her errands. Like her Wednesday bingo night, or whatever.â He chuckles, holding the door open and unlocking the car.Â
Being in the same space as Lee Heeseung isnât as excruciating as how it used to be- and now, itâs just an opportunity for you to finally ask your burning questions.Â
âHeeseung, Iâm just curious. How did you even meet my grandma?âÂ
He furrows his eyebrows. âI think it was the mailbox,â he starts, trying to remember. âShe dropped her mail, and it blew out into the street, so I went to get it for her. And on the walk back, she just started asking me questions. Apparently she and my mom were closer than I thought.â
âAnd thatâs how you started working?âÂ
âFirst, it was community service. Just using the cash register- since weâre cashless, itâs nothing illegal to have me manage orders.â
âAnd she just thought you were an angel from the get-go, or something?âÂ
âWho doesnât?â And you glare, mocking him like what he did to you earlier. Heeseungâs lips curl into a grin at your antics, never taking it to heart.Â
âMe, obviously.â And itâs a half-lie, because secretly, Heeseung isnât so bad.Â
âWell,â he starts, motioning. âI donât think thereâs anything I do or could do that youâd like.âÂ
You splutter, âThatâs not true!â And he raises an eyebrow at your indignant words.Â
âName one thing that you like about me.âÂ
âNo!â You refuse, crossing your arms. âYou already have a large enough ego from the teachers.âÂ
Heeseung rolls his eyes at you, tapping his hands tapping on the wheel impatiently. âThatâs lame, ____. Youâre just further proving my point.âÂ
With a sigh, you tell him, âI like how you helped us win in Taboo.â And he gives you a look.Â
âCop-out.âÂ
âWhat-? No!â Emptying your brain, you try to find something you truly like about the boy who makes life a living hell- or, well, used to (he still kind of does). âOkay, fine. I like that you care about my grandma.âÂ
Heeseung stays kind of quiet, not really sure what to do now that youâre once again being sincere. âWell, sheâs like- the only person who doesnât expect something from me.âÂ
Confusion floods your thoughts. âWhat do you mean?â
âIâm grateful for everyone in my life,â He prefaces. âBut itâs no fun having to always work for peopleâs approval, sometimes, I wish that someone could just appreciate me for me, and thatâs how your grandma is. No expectations with her. Sheâs just happy Iâm still around- which, I know, is bare minimum, but at least I donât have to try so hard for her to like me.â The light turns green, and the car rumbles as he slowly accelerates.
You mull over his confession. âDo I expect something from you then, too?â
âYou expect me to perform well, because I always have- and therefore, I have to do well, or else youâll just rub it in my face.â He states plainly, and you grimace for the second time today.Â
âSorry, I wonât do that anymore.â Heeseung waves you off.Â
âItâs no big deal- plus, you werenât the only one who thought Iâd do well all the time. Itâs something everyone thought of me. If anything, you were the one who just motivated me to always work harder.âÂ
âBut isnât that a good thing? To be the best?âÂ
He shakes his head and when you take a good look at him, Heeseung has a glassy look in his eye. âSometimes, yes. A lot of the time, no. I just want to do well without anyone forcing that on to me. I donât want the expectation to be perfect, because then, itâs so much easier for me to stumble.â You donât realize just how much weight Heeseung carries on his back from the words of his peers and his family. And to you, he resembles a diamond; perfect, but from pressure.Â
âWell, from now on, I wonât expect it from you. And if I do better, then I wonât rub it in your face. So thatâll make two people you wonât have to worry about.â The response he gives you is non-verbal, but his change in expression is first laced with surprise, and then silent appreciation.
âThanks,â he says, once again at a loss for words. âI appreciate it.âÂ
You send Heeseung a smile, understanding how it feels to always have to do good. You can only hope that he gets his break from the pressure before he burns out.Â
âOh, I should tell you now. I canât make it next Friday. I have plans, and Iâd figure Iâd let you know now so you could find someone to replace me.â He announces. When he looks over to see your response, you nod in understanding.
âWhat are you doing?âÂ
âGrad party.â Heeseung says plainly. âItâs Jakeâs, so if Iâm hungover, Iâll try to let you know if Iâll be good by morning.âÂ
âSo considerate.â You comment, albeit a bit teasing. He scoffs, making the final turn before reaching your house. âTo be expected from someone like you.â
âSomeone like me?â He questions. âAnd what kind of person am I?â
âSomeone whoâs going to have to work alone for the next two weeks if he doesnât shut up.â He laughs, his eyes scrunching up as unlocks the car. âThanks for the ride.âÂ
âOf course, ____.â
A few days go by, but one morning, you walk outside to see Heeseung parked in his car, scrolling on his phone- and it takes you walking up to him to roll the window down.Â
âYou didnât even text me you were coming,â you start, pouting slightly.Â
Heeseung pats the passenger side. âJust- get in, will you?â And you comply, never one to refuse a free trip to work.Â
âSo why today?â You ask, fiddling with your fingers and bag. âYou usually never pick me up on Thursdays.â
âSince itâs your grandmaâs birthday and all, I figured I could just pick you up, and drop you off. She called me yesterday asking to come over, and invite my parents, too. And they couldnât come because of a work trip, but I promised her.âÂ
You stay silent. âFuck, thatâs today?â And Heeseung laughs- not at you, just at the situation.Â
He nods, eyes still glued to the road. âHave you decided what you want to get her?â
âFlowers, definitely. Probably these treats sheâs been thinking about getting from the store. I have this really nice collection of kitchen appliances that I know sheâll like.â And youâre rambling, but Heeseung makes no effort to stop you. âShe loves to peel stuff by hand, but I was trying this thing out in the store and it actually works perfectly. Here, Iâll pull it up.â And he takes a quick look at the overpriced appliance, realizing that you also care immensely, but in different ways. âI still need to get her stuff, though- Iâm not sure how Iâm supposed to get to the flower shop if they close when we close.â And it leaves you dejected, since you know what flowers are her favorite, and how happy sheâd be if she saw them on the table for a while.Â
âWeâll figure it out,â Heeseung promises, and you nod, believing his words.Â
You close a bit earlier than usual, and Heeseung writes on a small sticky note for patrons to come tomorrow. The bakery closes at 8:00 PM everyday, and usually 30 minutes canât hurt- or at least, you hope it doesnât.Â
When you continue to anxiously check the clock, he comes to your side, rubbing your shoulder and telling you that â30 minutes is plenty of time.âÂ
âWe have to walk there though, and clean up. Thereâs virtually no parking there ever since that other place opened up nearby.â And he curses, not taking something like that into consideration. While you might be ending earlier, you canât just leave anything out in fear that someoneâs going to try and break in, but you also donât have nearly enough time to properly wash the dishes and wipe down the tables and counters. Instead, you both opt for putting away the large equipment and the food, turning off the lights so anyone who looks in gets the impression itâs closed with the lack of displays or people around. Then, you two can come back to finish organizing and preparing for tomorrow.Â
His reassurance is easy to listen to, and Heeseungâs ability to figure out a plan is comforting in and of itself. Youâre grateful heâs even willing to come with.Â
âYou can just wait in the car, really-âÂ
Heeseung looks at you like youâre mad. âWe talked about this,â he pressed. âItâs dangerous to go out alone. I have nothing to do in the car anyways.â
Finally, you shut off the lights and start dragging Heeseungâs arm, whoâs still taking the key out of the lock as heâs being taken away by your impatience. Setting off in a brisk walk, you continue to check your phone, trying to beat time. Heeseung promises you once more that itâll be okay, and you ask him what he got for your grandma to change the conversation. You both know her well, and your gifts reflect what qualities you care for most. You realize that Heeseung always keeps others in the back of his mind- like his thoughtful gift to Sunoo, with a handwritten card that Sunoo read a bit of to you guys before Heeseung stopped the further embarrassment. You didnât realize it then, but the people in his life feel wanted all the time because he has the love to give them.Â
You get there barely five minutes before 8:00 PM, and the discontent that washes over the shop ownerâs face is apparent. âWeâre closed,â she says, and you canât imagine itâs easy to stay by yourself in a room so stuffy and full of pollen. You walk up to her with Heeseung following behind you, observing the way you practically beg for her to let you find some flowers. You promise you wonât take long, and she sighs, unraveling some of the wrapping paper she knows youâll want.Â
There arenât many left now that the day is over- and you wonder what kind of people frequent the flower shops. Is it apologetic husbands trying to win over their disappointed wives? Is it children buying flowers for their parents and elders? Or is it people like you and Heeseung, who want to gift it to someone they care about?
âCan you trim the thorns?â And she shakes her head, continuing to ring your bouquet up. You feel horrible, understanding exactly how it feels when someone at the bakery asks for something so grandiose near closing, when your social battery has depleted and you donât have any more smiles to give. And you know this, but youâre willing to go above and beyond if the shop owner is okay with it. The effort sheâs put in already to cut the papers and ribbons to accentuate the flowers is already plenty, but itâs your grandma, and you make sure to come back to support her generously again.Â
âPlease,â you exhale, desperation and anger mixing in your tone. âIâll pay extra.â With that, the shop owner sighs, taking your forty dollars and looking up as she opens the cash register. âJust keep it.â You say, in apology for earlier. She doesnât decline the offer, and slides the crumpled bill into the slot with the rest of them, and ties a purple ribbon around the bouquet.Â
You almost forget that he watches the whole ordeal, until the owner of the flower shop mutters a âcouples these daysâ under her breath, and your eyes widen.
With profuse thanks, you grab the neatly wrapped flowers and leave, but the moment you turn the corner, you gawk. âDid you hear what she said?â
âThat weâre a couple?â Heeseung brushes it off like itâs nothing. âYeah. But- what kind of boyfriend would I be if I wasnât the one paying for them?âÂ
Heeseung paying for flowers to give to you- itâs a thought that leaves you quiet as your feet follow the same steps you took to get there. Of course he would- and you wonder if youâd ever want to be on the receiving end of it from him- or, actually, anyone for that matter. Youâre not sure your mind automatically wants such a sweet gesture from Lee Heeseung himself.
âThank you for coming, again.âÂ
âQuit worrying about bothering me,â and itâs like he can read your mind. âBelieve it or not, I donât mind being around you.â His sarcastic comment still holds that undercurrent of honesty, and itâs like he knows just what you need to hear.Â
The walk back is much less stressful than the walk to. It falls back to that simple dynamic between two people who have begun to tolerate each other, full of little insults, hits to the side, and laughing. You finally make it back, and the sun paints the sky with swirling blue and pink. The sunset illuminates Heeseungâs side profile as he unlocks the door again, and when you finally pay attention to his jawline, or the gentle purse of his lips in concentration, you come to the conclusion that Heeseung is more than easy on the eyes.Â
And as you two clean up, the flowers sit in the passenger seat; a symbol of care for your grandmother, and Lee Heeseungâs time well spent with you.
The trips with leftovers become more frequent, and his parents always remember who you are every time you come bearing gifts. â____!â They exclaim, returning the old tupperware with more dishes on top. It feels like at this point, your grandma cooks for them, and they cook for her just as much.Â
âGo bother Heeseung, wonât you? We have dinner in a moment, but heâs been so busy with his work.â You smile at her, curious as to what he even has to do now that schoolâs over. âItâs the room to your left when you go up.âÂ
You knock on his door and he yells in response, telling you to come in. Under the assumption that itâs his family, Heeseung goes wide-eyed when he notices itâs you in his messy room with his pajamas and old t-shirts strewn here and there.Â
âI did not expect it to be you,â he mumbles, quickly getting out of his chair to fix his covers and pick up a sock. A laugh bubbles from your throat with the way heâs scrambling to make things presentable right before you.Â
âDonât worry. I donât think Iâll be staying long anyways. Your mom told me to drag you downstairs because you were too invested in your work.â He looks sheepish as he mumbles a quick apology, and after the quick tidying, he shuts his laptop and organizes his desk. âWhat do you even have to do anyways?âÂ
âIâm just making music- I started this internship with an entertainment company where they let me shadow a producer and offer input on some unreleased songs for their artists- so Iâm just looking at the tracks and making demos.âÂ
âThey let you do that? I figured shadowing wasnât possible for a company so big.â He nods, a smile dusting his features, and you can tell he takes pride in what heâs accomplished.
Youâre about to ask more, but a call of your names from downstairs leaves you two quickly walking down.Â
âHave dinner with us!â His dad tells you, and you want to tell him you already ate a bit, but the noodles look delicious, and you agree to only eat a little bit. You glance over at Heeseung, but he offers a small smile as he pulls out a chair for you.Â
And so it begins again, but just without your grandmother.Â
â____, what are you planning to do in the future?â Heeseungâs dad starts.Â
âIâm planning to study Biology in the fall at uni.â You start. âI had an internship last summer before senior year, and I really learned a lot from it, so I knew what I wanted to do by the time I applied for schools.â His mother praises you, as all Asian mothers do, and you can see why Heeseung is so kind-hearted by the way his parents speak to you.Â
The conversation naturally switches from your plans to Heeseungâs, as they talk about his pursuit in music production.Â
âIâm sure heâs doing a good job, Iâm always in classes with him, and thereâs nothing you need to worry about.â
His mother continues, however. âI mean, thereâs always ways kids can get ahead. I always tell him to apply for things early, and he couldâve gotten more scholarships and finished his internship last summer if he wasnât so behind. But heâs doing it now, so there's nothing we can say about it.â Her words rub you the wrong way immensely. While your own parents were never the most involved in your high school academics and were supportive of any career path you chose, they never placed an expectation on you to do the best and overachieve. But you get the sense that for Heeseung, no matter how supportive they were, it was never really good enough. Itâs torturous.
But, you donât really know how to respond, humming to ease the growing silence instead. âThatâs always true, but I know a lot of people look up to him, including me. Heâs doing great regardless of when he does it.â No matter how gently you put it, you know itâs in total opposition to how they think and feel when it comes to their own son, but you can only hope that it helps ease the tension.
The rest of dinner goes smoothly, with the discussion of your summer and how things have been with friends, parties, and planned trips. You finish their food quickly, complimenting Heeseungâs motherâs cooking once again and watching her face light up.Â
âYou should head home, we donât want your grandma to be too worried.â His dad starts, and you agree, quick to grab your bag. Heeseung takes the containers from your hand and starts putting on his sandals. âIâll walk you home.â Despite your refusal to let him carry your things, he insists, and you miss the way his mom stares fondly at you two from the kitchen island.Â
The warm summer air gives you the illusion that itâs not so late, and with the way light still peaks from the horizon, you feel less tired the later the summer nights get.Â
The boy next to you speaks up first. âDid you mean it?â You sneak a glance at his relaxed posture, a hand in his sweatpants and bangs on his forehead.Â
âWhat part?âÂ
âAny part.âÂ
You nod, feeling almost incredulous that he thought youâd make up something like that after you two agreed to be on good terms.
âOf course, Hee- I wouldnât lie about that stuff, especially not to your parents.âÂ
âIâm sorry about them, by the way.â He reaches up to run a hand through his hair. âThey have high expectations sometimes, Iâm sorry if itâs uncomfortable to hear them talk about me like that so openly.â The first instinct you have is to reach for his shoulder, making eye contact with him and offering a semblance of comfort before you walk across the street.Â
âNo, you donât need to apologize for stuff like that. Iâm sorry your parents hold you to those kinds of expectations.âÂ
âItâs okay, Iâm used to it.âÂ
âBut the problem is, you shouldnât have to be used to it. Youâve genuinely done so much and you deserve some recognition rather than someone always telling you to do better.â
It goes quiet, but you donât choose to bring anything else up, enjoying the crickets chirping and the gentle breeze that carries you home.Â
You stop outside your door and unlock it, inviting him in to say hi to your grandmother.
âThank you,â you tell him as heâs leaving. âFor walking me home.âÂ
Heeseung simply shakes his head. âIt was nothing, really. Thank you for seeing my parents again and whatnot.â He smiles, waving at you before walking back, and a grin makes its way onto your face before you even notice it.Â
Your phone dings at an hour earlier than you expected to get up, and it leaves you in an annoyed mood while you turn off your alarms.
hee: dude you HAVE to come in we just got a huge order for triple chocolate cake they said theyâd pay extra if we finished by today
y/n: help wtf r u doing at the bakeryÂ
hee: i was making brownies i asked ur grandma this morning if i could
y/n: what forâŠ
hee: because i had a craving ??? what else..
y/n: oh LOL ok ill be there in 30
Originally, you and Heeseung were going to have the day off, and your aunt and grandma were going to work instead- but the tempting offer from Heeseung leaves you explaining why you have to come in for work, and that they should stay at home. You say anything that comes to mind, but they know you wouldnât let them come with the way you were dressed and already grabbing your shoes and keys.
When you finally rush to the doors, you see Heeseung cutting into the chocolate treats, and when you two make eye contact, he shoves the piece in his mouth and nods.Â
âGross.â You comment, laughing.Â
He says something intangible, and you shake your head, putting on your apron.
The amount of work you two have put in is simply criminal to be fake, and the day off you have is getting darker the longer you two stay.
You voice your concerns. âDo you think theyâre lying about the tip?What they told you seems like much.âÂ
Heeseung shrugs, and sprinkles sea salt over the piece he picks up. âIâd hope itâs true. They seemed pretty desperate. I called them back today telling them their order would be done soon, so if they show up and pay more, thatâd be great.âÂ
âIâm glad youâre so optimistic.â You laugh.Â
âI have to be, because youâre definitely not.â Heeseung laughs when he sees the scowl on your face.Â
âOh yeah? I think Iâm at least a little better than the time you spilled the tapioca pearls and then talked about how everyone had it out for you that day.â He rolls his eyes.Â
âBetween the two of us, Iâll always hear you saying âfuck, i dropped the spoonâ more.â His teasing has you smiling.Â
âFocus on your lettering. Or do you need someone to hold your hand and help you?â You lean over to look at him spelling CONGRATS with brown icing. âYou messed up.â Nitpicking, you point out a random loop and make fun of him for it despite it not looking bad at all.Â
âI did not!â He huffs defensively. âI want to see you try.â He passes you the bag, and you get a piece of plastic wrap on the counter before starting.Â
âLee Heeseung sucks.â He reads. âDid you seriously write that?â You laugh at how offended he is, and the boy next to you is quick to pull the bag from your hand to start piping. halfway through the word âhate,â you elbow his side, and it causes his letter âtâ to be dragged too far.
âHey!â He runs over, smearing a bit of icing on your forehead before you duck and try to avoid all his other attacks. The laughs bubble from your stomach, the adrenaline causing you two to chase each other around the kitchen. Youâre not even sure what Heeseung would do if he catches you, but you donât want to find out.Â
âI think we should package those cakes!â You remind him, albeit as a distraction. He sighs, crossing his arms in defeat before agreeing and heading back over. You narrowly avoid his glare, a wide smile on your face as you hum in victory. Itâs a bit past closing, and he makes sure to flip the sign, still keeping the light on.Â
The customer rings the phone, telling Heeseung that sheâll be there in a few minutes. By the time youâve boxed all three cakes and cleaned up any edges, she walks in. You ring her up at the counter, and she pulls out her largest bills, telling you to take the change as a gift. You two both thank her immensely, making sure she can carry the cakes out to her car before closing for the night.Â
When Heeseung enters through the front door, immediately you start cheering. âWe just got paid tonight, Hee!âÂ
The boy grins, subtracting the total from the amount she gave, and itâs clear that she was being serious when she said she would pay extra. âI think this calls for celebration.âÂ
You donât really have an excuse to see him outside of work, and the idea of being alone in a non-bakery setting feels scarily new.Â
And youâre about to make up an excuse about how you have to be home (you donât), but your stomach makes a low sound, and it serves as an answer in place of your faltering words.Â
âIâm thinking Korean.â
You donât expect to learn something new about Lee Heeseung, until you see him order two bowls of stir fried ramen despite the restaurant serving much more elegant dishes.Â
âRamen?â A glance at the menu has you reading one of the more expensive meals offered. âYou couldâve had- I donât know, their Honey Garlic Short Ribs.âÂ
He scrunches his nose in disapproval as a testament to how much he adores his instant noodles. âItâs just not the same. We barely have noodles at home, since my mom always insists on making it from scratch or boiling them in those big packages. Never just ramen.â You take a sip of your water, surprised.Â
âYou donât have ramen? God, come over more often, Iâll make you some.â You suggest lightheartedly.Â
He glances over, taking you up on the offer. âWoah- me, in your space?â You send him a glare, looking away and ignoring his laughs.Â
The food comes relatively quickly, and he looks over what youâve gotten to judge it. âIt looks good. Let me have some.â He says, reaching over with his wooden chopsticks.Â
You gasp at his suddenness, quick to refuse and to drag your plate away from him as you pick up a short rib and eat it before he can. The meat tastes wonderfully marinated and tender, and you donât realize that the haphazard way you tried to eat it left some sauce on your mouth. Heeseung glances over with a frown, about to comment on how incredibly stingy you are until he notices thereâs red sauce on your chin, and grabs his tissue.Â
âHere.â He says, tapping you on the shoulder. And silently, he wipes it off, to make sure you wonât have to walk around with people seeing and saying anything.Â
âOh- thanks.â Itâs pathetic the way your throat dries up, and how you force yourself to drink your water and move on. You hear about this only in movies- about male leads you turn to burns and wax poetic about how much they love you. You donât expect it to happen so suddenly.
âIs yours any good?â You ask, averting your gaze. His fried eggs and boiled shrimp sit neatly on his stir fried noodles, the presentation better than you could ever make it at home.Â
With a shrug, he replies, âWeâll see.â He tries some, and you see a satisfied grin on his features.Â
âIs ramen really that good, Hee?â His enthusiastic nods tell you all you need to know as you continue eating, your pile of bones growing ever so slowly. You two make small talk, about his recent beach trip, or about you rafting with your friends. He talks of college- about going away and his fears of growing up. You tell him youâre scared to dorm, since youâve been around your family for so long, and you share each otherâs sentiments about the rapidly approaching adulthood youâll both have to face. Itâs nice like this, not to bicker and to argue and to despise him. Itâs nice to just exist around Lee Heeseung, and you wonder why you havenât done something like this before- sitting next to him and being able to talk freely about the interests and questions you share.Â
You guess that it was just the timing- you were both always so stressed from school, unable to properly sit down to sort out your emotions. And yeah- summer is a new slate, and this year feels just a bit more life-changing than the rest of them.Â
âYou eat so slow.â And you shoot him yet another scowl, picking up some rice.Â
âYou ordered ramen and you eat like youâve been starved for three years.âÂ
âWhatever. Iâll cover the bill?âÂ
Narrowing your eyes, you try to remember if you two had discussed anything about payments before. âNo- I thought we were just going to split the bill.â
He doesnât seem to care too much. âIâll pay for you, since I couldnât have done it without you,â refering to all the baking you did today. Â
Exasperated, you refute his horrible reasoning. âI wouldnât have even found out about her order if you werenât there. Just let me split it.â You reach out expectantly, and he retracts the receipt, clutching it close.Â
âJust pay me back sometime for something else,â and itâs the last thing he says before turning on his heel and leaving you with your agape.Â
When you clean up and join him in the car, the first thing you tell him is that heâs âannoying,â and âso stubborn it hurts.âÂ
Heeseung just laughs at you, telling you itâs nothing special- like heâs used to paying for others. And thinking about how many people come in to ask him for his number or hope for a date, your assumption makes sense- that he does these things for everyone, and youâre not an outlier in any way.Â
When the bakery is one chestnut haired boy short, things are much less interesting.Â
âDonât have too much fun without me.â You joke when Heeseung begins to undo his apron.Â
âYou can come,â He offers with a small yet sincere smile on his face. âI asked, you all know each other anyways.â You feel your heart stir with the way Heeseung keeps you in his thoughts.Â
All you do is refuse his offer. âI have to rewatch my rom-coms.â You wave him off, and within minutes, youâre left alone. The quiet music plays and the bell jingles every so often as patrons come for pick-up orders or drinks. Thankfully it was slow for a Friday, and you werenât rushing around the shop.
Thereâs a girl whoâs around your age who walks in, curious as to whoâs taking her order before making eye contact with you emerging from behind the curtain.Â
âWhereâs the boy you usually work with?â She says, getting a list of what her and her friends wanted. âIâve been meaning to ask for his number.âÂ
You canât lie and say youâre indifferent to her question, but nonetheless, you take her order and give her his phone number saved in his contact. âHeâs not dating anyone, so donât worry.â You tell her, handing over the receipt. She smiles, and your heart tightens a little at the thought of Heeseung. One of you two is well-liked, one out of the two of you is perfect in every way, and it wasnât you.Â
Without any of your usual weekly plans with your friends, the drive home was quiet as you figured out what to do for the weekend. You would feel bad every time your grandma had to take a shift despite her recovering quickly, and despite her being excited to work again. When home, you decide to make dinner, change, clean up around the house, and retreat to your old room. The show you were catching up on until the wee hours of night was interrupted, and a familiar contact flashes on the screen.Â
âHeeseung?â You ask, confused. Itâs 12:00 AM.Â
â____-ie.â The line giggles a bit before you hear some shuffling. âMy head hurts.âÂ
Youâre a bit shocked to hear him like this, but youâre not going to hang up on him and leave him confused. âDid you drink too much?â You ask, trying to choose your words carefully.Â
âYeah,â Heeseung responds, sighing. âI lost a bet, _____. And I lost cup pong, too.â He sounds dejected, like a hurt puppy as he elongates his syllables and pauses between thoughts. âI was going to tell you something.âÂ
âThat you canât come in for work tomorrow? You sound out of it, Heeseung.âÂ
He groans, and more shuffling comes from his side. âYeah, but I canât drive, ____-ie.â You cringe at the nickname, but refuse to say anything about it with the way heâs acting now. âNo one else can take me home, and my parents canât know.â He sounds stressed, and youâre quick to reassure him before he starts crying.Â
âWhere are you?âÂ
âYouâll pick me up?â Heeseung asks, his tone filled with elation.Â
âMaybe. Depends on how I feel in the next 10 minutes.âÂ
âIâll cover your shifts anytime, Iâll drive you home, Iâll buy food for you, Iâll sneak you outâŠâ He continues to ramble about all the favors he could do for you, and you laugh before getting out of bed. Â
âYou better mean it.âÂ
âI want to see you.â You know he just wants to go home, you know he doesnât mean anything else with his words. You know he just wants to sober up and go to sleep.Â
You know itâs nothing more between you two, yet your heart still beats wildly with every minute you drive, the words echoing in your head.Â
âI got you water, and some food- I have no idea if you ate or not.â Is the first thing you tell him when he stumbles out of the house and into your car.Â
Heeseungâs one drowsy blink away from falling asleep, and you have to shake him away to make sure he doesnât fall asleep with a hangover. âHee!â You rush to park on a random sidewalk before unbuckling your seatbelt.Â
You brush back his red hair, pushing his curly bangs away and wiping the sweat from his forehead. He slowly blinks, adjusting to the proximity between you two. You shove a water bottle in his hand before getting a tissue to wipe the light sheen off of his skin.Â
âWhat are you doing, hm?â And his voice, rough with exhaustion, has you quiet for a moment as your skin gets hot.Â
Despite your heart thrumming faster, you force yourself to answer simply. âYouâre going to have a hangover.âÂ
He opens his water, drinking almost a third before he leans back. âMy head still hurts.â He whines, and you have to laugh.Â
âHere,â you suggest, opening the tupperware of fried rice. âEat.âÂ
He refuses, continuing to drink from his water, and you donât have it in you to be annoyed at him. Instead, you grab a spoon. âI canât believe Iâm doing this,â You mumble, starting to break up the fried egg and mix it all together.
After the first bite, âItâs good,â He says simply. âIâm glad I got to see you.âÂ
You feel the incessant pounding in your eardrums and your whole face feels hot. âEat, before you throw up.âÂ
âI missed you.â Despite the harmless intention, you canât stand to let Heeseung sweet-talk you, and it almost frustrates you to know thereâs no weight to his words.
You roll your eyes at him and force him to finish his water. âSober up before you get home.âÂ
In the quiet of the night, in the small neighborhood with everyone asleep, no one would know about the loudness of your chest, about how his eyes still hold his twinkle as he gazes tiredly at you, letting him dote on him.Â
You continue to make sure he drinks and eats, and youâre so engrossed in taking care of him that you donât realize how little the distance is between you. Making eye contact with him leaves you stunned into silence, but Heeseung says nothing to dispel whatâs between you two. He reaches up, his palm cupping your jaw, and you swear, past the alcohol, thereâs the faint fresh scent of the ocean, one that you recognize from being around him so often.Â
You hold your breath, keeping the box in your steady as you wait for what heâs about to do next. He stares in silent question, glancing only to your lips and back up. Itâs like time doesnât even pass anymore, like a moment written in eternity when you brush away some of his hair.
You swear youâre about to kiss Lee Heeseung for the first time in your life.Â
Instead, you cough and duck from his intimate stare, and he pulls away. The heat of his thumb still lingers on your cheek, and the way he looks at you doesnât go unnoticed.Â
âYouâre feeling better, right? Iâll drive you home.âÂ
The wind whips against your window and the streets lay bare as you turn into his neighborhood. Itâs all you can do. You canât be in love, not with Heeseung.Â
Heeseung texts you profusely the next day, apologizing before he leaves the house to see you in person. âiâm sorry if anything happened last night, please let me know if I overstepped a boundary,â and despite his words being through text, your mouth feels like itâs dried up, and that you have no idea what to tell him. You send him something vague about driving yourself, nothing that alludes to how your heart raced and skipped a few beats, and how you still think about the gentle way he caresses your jaw.Â
How are you supposed to pretend things were the same? Like you werenât watching him, like his gaze wasnât with care, and his touches were not electric. How could you pretend that you werenât slowly falling for Lee Heeseung?
âDid I,â He starts as he rushes through the door. âDid I do something wrong?âÂ
Shaking your head, you continue to crush up the cookies in their topping container. âI just donât want to bother you with driving me around anymore.âÂ
âBut youâre not a bother.â Heeseung can barely recall what happened yesterday, and he doesnât know what caused your sudden lack of interest with your texts from the morning. âLook, ____-âÂ
In a desperate attempt to push down your unreturned feelings and return things to how they were, you cut him off. âHeeseung, drop it.âÂ
The day stretches for an eternity, and Heeseung knows somethingâs wrong. As one last chance to fix things before he goes, he speaks up. âPlease, what did I do?âÂ
And you want to oh-so desperately tell him that last night, you were about to kiss, that the distance between you two was so finite and the way he looked at you had your stomach churning with butterflies. That somewhere, you realized just how similar you two were- that Lee Heeseung understood hard work, he paid attention to the little things, he related to and comforted you in the times that you felt like you were never enough. And those are just the handful of reasons why. You never knew just how well you truly knew him until you evaluated the years youâve spent together. Some things you pick up subconsciously; like the way he fidgets or nervously smiles when a girl asks for his number, or the way he always looks back at you when he rejects her advances. Itâs weird how quickly the knots that made your relationship so complicated suddenly untangle. Itâs really just this long windy string that connects you and him, and within the miscommunication, itâs gone awry.Â
You and him are in the same vein, and with how much time you spend with each other, itâd be criminal if you didnât slowly fall for the way he sings along the radio or how he started to open your door. He cares, in all of the minuscule tiny ways that make your heart ache so terribly. âNothing, itâsâŠâ Itâs almost sick how your mind immediately wanders to some stupid scenario where you and Heeseung ended whatever was going on between you two, and you admitted feelings to each other. Heeseung drives you around in his car, Heeseung comes to your house with baked goods he made himself, Heeseungâs eyes glitter when you two get good scores on a test, telling you how happy he is. âItâs just nothing.â You tell him, not really sure what to make of your feelings at all. And while your emotions towards the boy are new and fresh, they're so real- it snowballs fast.
âItâs not nothing if somethingâs changed between us.â He reasons, a look in his eye begging you to explain.Â
âIt should be nothing, Heeseung. Weâve never gotten along, so whatâs the difference now?â The words leave a burn on your tongue, and you hate the way Heeseung looks away for a moment before he agrees.Â
âRight.â He says, monotone and lifeless. âWhy bother?âÂ
And youâre angry with yourself for the way you nod, taking your things. You want to scream in his face that youâve begun to tolerate Lee Heeseung, in more ways than one. You donât just tolerate him- you appreciate him, you care for him, you want him to be yours.Â
âOkay- Hee, wait.â You falter in your decisions, your heartstrings pulling you in an enchanting way towards him- against all rational. âIâm sorry.â You canât let a good thing go, you canât risk never talking to him again, simply because you donât know what itâs like to live life without him. You see him in every memory, in every class photo, and you canât bear to be the reason you two stop talking- all because you were too scared to speak your mind.
He turns around, waiting for you to continue, crossing his arms as he proceeds to lean against the counter. If you were honest with yourself, youâd admit that Lee Heeseung is one of the most attractive people youâve met.Â
âDo you mean it?â You ask, feeling foolish. He should be asking you that- after what youâve just told him.
Heeseung takes a step closer, his gaze on the ground as he nears the cash register, slowly closing the distance between you two.
âDo you mean it?â He asks, his voice small. Thereâs still space between you two, and it feels like oceans apart. And you soak up his words for consideration, truly questioning if you did.Â
âNo, Heeseung-â You stare at the blinds, looking around the space only to realize just how secluded you two were- that no one outside of the bakery would know just what loops and hurdles you two had been through to get here. âI could never. I shouldnât have said it.âÂ
âIs it true, then? That we get along, now?â His slow steps finally leave the crunching of his shoes in front of you, and you nod your head. And after he sees your confirmation, he continues. âHow do you feel about me, ____?â
Your surprised gaze meets his, and you see the small smile on his lips, and the almost playful look in his eye indicating that heâs not really hurt anymore.
âI hate you, Lee Heeseung.â You say, emboldened by his teasing. âI hated you for spilling all of that applesauce on me when we were eight, I hate how you get along with everyone, I hate how you act like youâre better than me.â You pause, to think of more, but his hand reaches up to cup your chin, pointing up to make sure youâre looking at him.Â
âI hate all that humming you do at work,â you start, your voice small, feeling shy now that heâs forced to make eye contact (which is extremely attractive and turns your legs into jelly). âOr your piping skills, or how good your macarons taste compared to mine.â
Heeseung is so dangerously close, like how you were just last night. âWhat else?â He goads you on, wanting to hear just how much more you have left.Â
âI hate everything about you,â You barely murmur above a whisper with him being so close to you. âBut Iâd hate it if you didnât return my feelings, either.âÂ
He smiles, finally hearing you admit the very things thatâs been plaguing your relationship with the idea of more.Â
âAnything more to add?âÂ
You scoff, reaching up and tangling your hands in his hair. The last thing that reaches Lee Heeseungâs ears are the words, âYouâre so annoying,â before you crash your lips into his.Â
Your kiss with Heeseung satisfies a longing thatâs lasted for a while- to know what it felt like to be so close to him, to kiss his rosy lips just once. Itâs tantalizing- the way you canât pull away, and the way he doesnât let you with how his hand rests on your lower back to pull you closer. When your hold on his hair loosens slightly, he gingerly lets you lean back. Your forehead comes to rest with his as you open your eyes, letting out a slow breath as you think about the ghost of his kiss on your lips. Heâs hesitant to separate from you completely, and rests his hand on your waist instead.Â
You smile, biting your lip so you donât giggle like an excited girl whoâs just told her friends about a measly interaction with her crush. Your heart feels like a floating balloon, and your lips stretch into a grin, prompting Heeseung to smile at you, too.Â
An idiot. Thatâs what you both look like. But when Lee Heeseung presses a small kiss on your forehead and intertwines your fingers, you couldnât care less.Â
âHeeseung, stop piping heart macarons, itâs embarrassing.â He rolls his eyes at you and adjusts the piping bag with red macaron batter inside.Â
He mimics you childishly, and you want to scoop the lemon curd to plop on his head. âStop piping heart macarons, yeah, okay, so why do I see you eating them?â
âI donât. Iâd never.â Youâre lying, and you both know that, but Heeseung entertains your false narrative a bit more.Â
âIâll have you know, the lady at the law firm a few blocks down came here earlier and ordered some of them.â He retorts. You stick your tongue out at him and continue to mix the drink youâve been preparing.
âWhat does she want them for, hm? I can imagine sheâs in the season of love in July.â He laughs at your childish comment, continuing to pipe out almost identical hearts onto the baking sheet.Â
âMaybe she loves her partner so much and wants to shower them in affection.â He grins, alluding to your relationship. You want to flick him across the forehead, rolling your eyes and walking over after finishing your drink for a to-go order.Â
With an elbow on the counter, you watch him from the side as he diligently fills in the heart outlines. âYouâve always liked my macarons, though.â He reminds you. âRemember? You said it when we k-â
âCan you shut up about that?â You cut him off, feeling embarrassed. âIt was like- a month ago.âÂ
Itâs your exasperation that fuels him to tease you further. âIt was a good kiss, was it n-â
You bump his shoulder, and he messes up one of the macarons, pausing before looking up at you. âHey!â He whines, frowning. âThese are supposed to be for that lawyer, remember?âÂ
You roll your eyes, and you know when Heeseung lies through his teeth. âYeah, yeah,â You mutter, using a clean finger to wipe at the edge to make it look nice once more. You play along with his lie. âAnd we definitely fell in love because of cupid.âÂ
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I firmly believe that Kabru is autistic but masks so hard that heâs convinced himself and (almost) everyone around him that heâs neurotypical.
That manâs special interest is people and how they work, but he just thinks itâs him Being So Good At Socializing â like he doesnât spend 95% of his time people watching and adjusting his personality in response to the traits he witnesses and obsessing over the intricacies of human interaction while mapping an ever growing relationship chart in his head. For fun. He even admits it in the manga!
Like, look at him!!!
Itâs such a shame that â because heâs the narrative foil to Laios and his interest is generally considered more âsocially acceptableâ in both their world and our own â more people donât realize this about him. Heâs constantly misinterpreted as a horribly manipulative person who only acts the way he does to use the people around him, when thatâs explicitly shown to not be the case at all. Kabru is naturally empathetic and is almost always thinking about other people, regardless of whether or not theyâre right there with him or a thousand miles away.
I mean, his most defining motivation is his desire to do everything he can to avoid another tragedy like the one at Utaya. Someone who doesnât care wouldnât have a goal like that, and they most certainly wouldnât go about it the way he does. Heâs constantly working to help people who can help everyone else and tries so hard to make sure that anyone who seems like a threat is actually someone he needs to worry about before doing anything about it. His supposed aversion to Laios is only because of the ridiculous trolley problem heâs set up in his own head.
Outside of that, he (rather justifiably) hates monsters but is desperate to understand Laiosâ love for them and his apparently most selfish goal in getting close to the guy was literally just to become friends with him.
When heâs interacting with the canaries and they imply that theyâre going to take him and all of his friends to the West, his first thought is of Rin and how much sheâd hate to be stuck in the place that gave her so many bad memories.
He helps Kuro learn Common when Mickbell is asleep and firmly looks forward to the day that the half-foot and Kuro can communicate properly so that their relationship can get properly started without any miscommunication.
And he understands Mithrun with only a handful of weeks AT BEST interacting with him, getting enraged when the elf seems to give up and immediately trying to help him find a new motivation for life.
Iâm excited just thinking about the day that Kabru starts unmasking more and more around his friends â both new and old â because if being with my current friend group has taught me anything, itâs that hanging out with anyone so unabashedly themselves is bound to make you more comfortable with yourself too. Itâs part of the reason why I like Labru so much! Thereâs something nice about imagining them hanging out in the throne room or laying in the grass outside and talking for hours on end about their special interests. They might not strictly understand what the other finds so fascinating about monsters or people, but they can grasp that shared feeling of love.
They probably influence each other in really good ways too, with Kabru helping Laios figure out what people are thinking even when it doesnât make sense or Laios helping Kabru understand that not everyone and everything needs to be analyzed a thousand times over. They both get to learn that there are people like them and people who will love them without them ever having to change a thing about themselves. They deserve to know that theyâre fine the way they are.
#I have so many more thoughts about these two#like how Laios is actually the one who couldnât really care about people outside of his immediate friends and family#that his love is the one that would burn down the world if it meant the people he cared about got to be as safe and happy as they should be#always as themselves#never as the corrupted versions of them in their nightmares or by the winged lions distortions#which is how Kabru would learn to be more selfish and needy#encouraged to act on his own desires and help other people at the same time#these two have ruined me#especially Kabru#because Iâm predictable and my other two favorite characters are Tachihara Michizou and Nara Shikamaru#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi kabru#kabru of utaya#dungeon meshi laios#laios touden#dungeon meshi rin#rinsha fana#dungeon meshi mickbell#mickbell#dungeon meshi kuro#kuro#dungeon meshi mithrun#mithrun#labru
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The spell worked, sort of, but not how I wanted. I did have the body of my dreams â I was Garrett now, but I didnât realize the catch was that I wouldnât be able to control what Iâm doing unless Iâm totally alone. And Garrett, or, me, I guess â Iâm nearly never alone! The frat house pretty much always has someone in it, and Iâm super popular, too. I thought being Garrett would be fun and easy, but stuck like this, itâs torture!
I figured out the ritual from this old book I found at that occult shop downtown, thinking it would be a quick way out of my boring life and into something⊠well, something way more interesting. Garrett had it all, or so I thought. Girls loved him, he was in the best shape, and everyone wanted to be his friend. But nobody told me about this weird restriction, or maybe I just didnât read that part carefully enough. I guess the idea was Iâd âexperienceâ Garrettâs life, but itâs like watching a movie, except Iâm the star and I can only move on my own terms when no one else is around.
And god, my roommate, heâs actually so stupid. When I canât control my actions, we bro out all the time, but heâs so vapid. I guess Iâm not much better, but itâs actually infuriating. Youâd think we could have a conversation thatâs not about girls, parties, sports, or video games. But no, every time he starts talking, itâs like Garrettâs body just falls right into the rhythm of it, responding automatically. I tried fighting it at first, but itâs like this autopilot takes over, and Iâm just... stuck.
Iâve been scouring the room whenever I get a chance to control things, like right now, looking for any sign or clue on how to undo this. There has to be something I missed. I rummaged through his messy closet, which is packed with clothes, gym stuff, and random junk, none of it useful. The guy keeps his stuff in total chaos, and I feel weirdly exposed, like Iâm actually pawing through my own things.
Shit, no, is that the door jangling? I thought I would have a couple of hours to try and figure out how to fix this. Who the hell knows when Iâll get another chan-
Fuuck, bro. Whyâs my roomie home early? Thought he went to his ârents for the weekend. I was just about to jerk one out too. Ah well, maybe heâll be down for some Call of Duty or something. I could use a beer.
âYo, dude, whatâs up? You back already?â I say, grinning like an idiot as I lean against the door frame, flexing a bit without even realizing it. Dude probably thinks Iâm just chillinâ, but nah, Iâm feelin' like a boss.
He laughs, dropping his bag by the door and shrugging. âYeah, man, got bored at home. Figured Iâd head back early. Parents were driving me nuts.â
âOh, for sure, dude,â I nod, grabbing a can of beer from the mini-fridge by my bed. âParents, am I right? They just donât get it, bro.â I crack it open, chugging half of it in one go, feeling the cool rush. Damn, thatâs good.
He slaps my shoulder, laughing. âDude, I swear, itâs like every time I go back, itâs the same speech about responsibility and blah blah blah. Like, whatever, right?â
âOh, totally, man,â I laugh, shrugging it off. âWhy they gotta be like that, yâknow? Weâre just out here living, they donât get it.â I toss him a beer, feeling that chill vibe kickinâ in, like nothing in the world matters but just hanging with my bro. This is what itâs all about â no worries, no drama, just cold beers and good times.
âBro, Iâm feelinâ a COD sesh,â I say, grabbing the controller off the couch. âYou down?â
He grins. âHell yeah, letâs wreck some noobs.â
We crash down on the couch, controllers in hand, beers in easy reach, and itâs like all the worries in the world just melt away. Iâm trash-talkinâ, throwinâ down taunts, and weâre both laughing so hard my sides hurt. I donât even remember the last time I felt this alive.
âYouâre so bad, dude,â I laugh, jabbing him in the ribs as I get another kill. âHow are you still this bad?â
âShut up, bro!â he shoves me back, laughing too, and Iâm grinning like an idiot.
Fuck, life is good, I think, as I take a gulp of my beer. I got my bros, I got my beer, and I got my games. What more does a dude need? Lifeâs good.
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I imagine that they were childhood friends and played on the gross play rugs in ikea
Headcanons me and my friend came up with if you guys would like to read⊠huehuehue.. đđ
wiki says lampert was formed in a factory but it doesnât say he was brought to LIFE in a factory. we hc that kasper âmadeâ lampert as a child because he was lonely in ikea and had no friends. Also being one of those mf kids who draw on the walls and everything else. he drew a face on a lamp and the next day it turned into a boy yippee. they grew up together as best friends
kasper originally named lampert lamper, cause his name is kasper and he just replaced the kasp with lamp. when he came to life lampert was like no i think its lampert, not lamper and kasper was like ok đđ
they liked to play cars on the car play rug in ikea. kasper liked to race and crash them and lampert liked to send in the police and ambulance for cleanup. theyd play that over and over again it never got old
when they would play outside, they liked to set up things to look really pretty (like a nice stick and leaf house or dress up a really pretty doll) and then set it on fire with a magnifying glass (lampert liked the first part, kasper liked the second part)
kasper is korean-american and he had slightly lighter hair as a kid (LET ME HAVE THIS HAVE HAVE NOTHING)
both them ace and specifically lampert ace aro and specifically like romance and sex repulsed ace aro like if you stand too close to him he freaks out imagine if someone were to kiss him that would not fly. romance and sex r NASTY to him do not touch him
when lampert would hang out with kasper he would just stand very still in the corner of the room the whole time. not for any bad reason, he is just a lamp and does not see the need to do anything else than stand in the corner while he talks. when they hang out at ikea sometimes kasper starts talking to the wrong lamp because of this
lampert has a set list of facial expressions that show exactly how he feels. this is verging on not ok :) (his normal expression) this is not ok : ) (scawy) or this : ( this is silly :] these are all more fine :( :[ D: :D :o :/
lampert talks with a similar cadence to baymax snd also is politely blunt in the very autistic way. he states his opinion on something even if maybe its not a nice thing to say but he says it very politely (when eating food someone made for him that he really doesnt like: âi dont think i will be finishing this, it does not taste good. thank you! goodbyeâ)
They are so autism vs adhd to me.
Kasper was probably a sticky iPad leash kid before that was really a thing heâs a real trendsetter what a guy. He would run all over the place nonstop and everyone would just see some freak kid run mach 4 snatch a rug off the ground and then disappear like a gnome
#regretevator#infected regretevator#lampert regretevator#regretevator fanart#regretevator infected#regretevator lampert#Roblox
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this may be a bit left field from what you were asking but i had this idea in my head for awhile of remus being told he couldn't have children because of the whole werewolf thing and reader gets pregnant and he instantly thinks he's been cheated on and it couldn't be his because of what he was told from a young age (his self esteem and insecurity that he isn't good enough etc. flaring up!! not that he truly believes she would but he's spiralling and it's the only explanation right????) and it takes lily and the marauders to knock some sense into him and realise he's been given a little miracle and a chance at having a family like he's always wanted!!! (i imagine being told he couldn't have children put the whole werewolf thing into perspective and meant he secretly yearned for it as it was another thing it had taken from him)
sorry this was long, if it's rubbish please ignore, it's why i've anonned!!!
poor angsty moony hahahaha. thanks for your request!
Remus Lupin x Black!reader who tells him she's pregnant, and he doesn't respond well [1.7k words]
CW: pregnancy, implied belief of cheating/adultery with a happy ending, background jilypad because I wanted to
âWait, wait, wait.â James interrupted, holding his hands up from the table as Lily folded her lips over her teeth like she was working over time trying not to laugh. âHang on. Are you telling me-â
âThis is not funny, James.â Sirius hissed, glaring daggers at Remus though his hold on Harry in his arms was as soft as ever.
A giggle escaped Lilyâs lips, though she was quick to slap a hand over her mouth when Sirius turned his burning gaze to her.Â
âYouâre telling meâ James continued âthat your girlfriend-â
âMy sister.â Sirius interrupted.
â- that you love-â
âMore than life itself, right.â Remus continued.
â- told you she was pregnant, and youâŠâ James trailed off, clearly waiting for someone else to jump in here.Â
âCame here?â Lily tried.
âRan off like a sod?â Sirius muttered.Â
âTold her youâŠdidnât believe her?â James offered.
âItâs impossible!â Remus argued.
âDo you not fuck your girlfriend, Moons?â James drawled then, causing Sirius to moan very dramatically as he held his son against his face as if he couldnât even look at Remus right now; Harry, for his part, found that hilarious and started pulling at his papaâs long hair.Â
âSod off, James.â Remus groaned miserably as he ran his hands over his face. âItâs impossible, werewolves cannot procreate.â
It was Lily who asked âSays who?âÂ
âJust⊠everyone.â
âEveryone?â James asked, his eyebrows rising over the frames of his glasses.
âYes, James, everyone.â Remus hissed. âTheâŠhealers-â
âWould have told your parents they had âno idea what your future holdsâ.â Lily explained simply. âWhat lycanthrope have they studied to know if thatâs true or not?â
âThere has never been any cases of a werewolf successfully procreating, Lily.â Remus explained simply.
âSo just because itâs never been bloody written down, you think it could never happen?â Sirius spat then, looking around Harryâs little body who still had a fistfull of his hair to level Remus with a look. âSo, what? Sheâs lying? Sheâs making it up? Sheâs cheating on you?â
The room fell quiet as everyone, even Harry, turned to look at Remus as they waited for a response.
âRemus.â Lily breathed out in disbelief when he didnât provide one.
âYou didnâtâŠâ James sighed.
âRemus fucking Lupin, I swear to Merlin if you-â
âWhat was I supposed to say!?â Remus exploded then. âI- itâs supposed to be impossible. Werewolves cannot or do not procreate, they cannot be parents, they-â
But his excuses sounded feeble, even to his own ears. Lily was right; no studies as such have ever been conducted on lycanthropes. Sirius was right; there was no evidence because it had just never been written down. James was right; Remus does fuck his girlfriend.Â
Remus had always assumed this was just one more thing that his lifelong curse had stolen from him; the ability to ever have a family of his own.Â
Although, there were a lot of things Remusâ lycanthropy was supposed to have taken from him, yetâŠ.
Yet, he had two parents who loved him unconditionally and did everything they could for him, even though there were no rule books or how-to guides on raising a werewolf child. Yet, he had been accepted to attend Hogwarts at age 11, even though he never expected to be able to attend school with his affliction. Yet, he met four boys on the train who turned out to be his roommates, who turned out to be his friends, who turned out to be his pack, even though they didnât have to be. Yet, he found himself a precious love who loved him in return, even though you were raised to lift your nose at anyone who wasnât a pureblood, even though you were raised to harbour disdain for creatures and beasts alike, even though you were a Black and he was a Lupin, even though you were a Slytherin and he was a Gryffindor, even thoughâŠ.even though.Â
Remus wasnât supposed to have any of this, yet here he was. And he wasnât supposed to ever have children of his own, yetâŠ
âOh Godric.â Remus breathed out as he sat back in his chair; both hands over his mouth in a silent gasp as he stared unseeingly past his three friends.Â
âYou know Sunny loves you to the stars and back, Remus.â Sirius started earnestly. âAnd the fact that you think she could have ever betrayed you like that-â
âI didnât.â Remus hissed. âI donât.â
âI know, Rem.â Lily offered, even though Sirius didnât seem all that convinced. âItâs just what you thought made the most sense at the time.âÂ
But it really didnât make sense at all. The thought would have absolutely never crossed his mind in a million years if he hadnât been told his entire life that this was just impossible for him.Â
âHave you wanted kids, Rem?â James asked quietly then, and Remusâ eyes came back into focus as he looked at Harry.
Harry, who was the spitting image of James, who had Lilyâs eyes, who had Siriusâ mischief. Who was loved beyond measure and loved his parents exactly as they were.
Did he want kids? He certainly liked kids. He loved Harry. He thinks heâd be a good dad⊠that is, if it werenât for the lyca-
âI can see where your mind is going, Remus.â Lily interrupted his spiralling then. âWe didnât ask if you should be a dad - which is not even a question, by the way - we asked if you wanted to be.â
âYes.â Remus whispered; the answer came so easily.Â
âAlright then.â Sirius declared, sitting Harry up as if they both meant business. âSo letâs pretend - even for a sodding second - that Y/N did end up pregnant by some random imaginary bloke that doesnât exist. This would mean that she apparently had many options, yet she came running to tell you. Sheâs pregnant, and she wants to do this with you.âÂ
And if Remus didnât feel like an arse before, he certainly felt like one now. He knows you would never do that to him, of course he does. But even if you had the choice of 100 other men to father your child - all of whom would be able to provide for you better, who wouldnât risk the safety of your child every month, who wouldnât risk passing that curse down to your child, who wouldnât make their life harder by simply being the offspring of a werewolf - you wanted it to be him. You wanted Remus.Â
The good, the bad, and The Wolf - you wanted him all.Â
âI think you need to go talk to your girlfriend, Moons.â James offered with a hopeful smile, and Remus couldnât agree more.Â
â©âË.ââŸââșââ§âË.ââŸââșââ©âË.ââŸââșââ§âË.ââŸââșââ©âË.ââŸââșââ§
The flat was quiet when Remus stepped through the floo; the entire space seemed spotless, evidence of your anxious tidying taking over after Remus took off.
Remus tried to tamp down the guilt and shame working its way up his throat as he took off his shoes and jacket, placing them in their designated spots lest he disrupt the perfect kept house youâve worked on all afternoon (and well into the evening, now that Remus could see that the sun was long gone from the sky).Â
He found you in the living room at the desk bent over a book and some papers, and Remus found himself smiling without his consent when he was brought back to late nights in the Hogwarts library; his grades profiting greatly simply because he wanted to find any excuse to be in your company. Heâd find out later that you were doing the same.Â
You looked over at him expectantly, and Remus felt his heart splinter at the cautious, uncertain expression on your face. It was as though you were afraid of him, like you werenât sure what he was about to do or say.Â
âDove?â He ventured. âCan we talk?âÂ
âThatâs what Iâd been trying to do, Remus.â You merely whispered, and Remus canât remember the last time heâd ever heard you sound so small.
He made for you immediately, crouching down beside your chair so that he could look up at you. âIâm so sorry, baby, I-â
âAnd you accused me of whoring around and ran out on me.â You added, and the final fracture split Remusâ heart in two when he saw your eyes well with tears. âRemus, I would never-â
âI know dove, I know.â Remus insisted, reaching up to take your face in both of his, quickly wiping at the tears falling from your lower lashes. âI know you wouldnât. I know that, I just- I didnât think it was possible for me, I didnât think Iâd ever be able to have kids.â
You sucked in a shuddering breath and closed your eyes, clearly trying to will away the onslaught of emotions. Remus felt like scum of the earth.Â
âI never imagined Iâd ever get a chance like this.â He whispered.Â
âWell,â you offered primly, and Remus could tell you were working hard to imbue a certain levity to your words, âIâm not sure that you should, now. Taking off on me like that.âÂ
Remus knew you were joking, but he sighed at you as he pouted his lips. âMâso sorry, dove.â
âYou should be.â You agreed, though you leaned forward to press your forehead against his.Â
The two of you sat in silence for some time; you evening out your breathing, and Remus drawing circles with his thumbs where they rested on your arms as his legs started to cramp.Â
âAre you really going to have my baby?â He whispered then; the weight of the words finally settling somewhere deep within his soul, though not unpleasantly.Â
âWell, yes, but Iâm not going to do it on my own.â You responded, sitting up to look at Remus imploringly. âSo what do you say, Lupin? Are you in or out?â
In, of course. All the way in; for as long as he lived, for as long as you wanted him, he was in. He was all in.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#remus lupin#remus lupin fic#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin blurb#remus lupin drabble#remus lupin imagine#marauders#the marauders#hp marauders#remus lupin fluff#fem!reader#marauders as dads#pregnant!reader#pregnancy trope#pregnancy fic#black!sister#ellecdc fics#background jilypad
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ASL BROTHERS WITH A SHY S/O
WARNINGS: GENDER NOT SPECIFIED + NOT PROOFREAD
CHARACTERS: Luffy + Ace + Sabo
NOTES: Do Luffy haters exist? Itâs a dumb question, yesâbut Iâm genuinely curious. Heâs so cute and dumb, I find it hard to not love him.
LUFFY
Luffy wouldnât really âgetâ shyness in the conventional sense. But hereâs the thing about Luffy: heâs all about accepting people as they are, no questions asked. He treats you with the same bright-eyed, wide-grinned enthusiasm he shows everyone. The idea of you needing to be more outgoing wouldnât even cross his mind because, to him, youâre already perfect as you are. Shyness? Never heard of it. Just pass the meat, please.
Now, Luffyâs approach to social interactions is, well, 100% Luffy. He doesnât really adapt his wild and carefree style to match anyone elseâs comfort levels. If you're quiet and reserved, thatâs coolâLuffy just goes on living life at full volume like itâs another Tuesday on the Sunny.
At first, you might be left wondering how in the seven seas youâre going to survive the endless hurricane of chaos that follows this rubbery captain around. But soon, and without realizing it, you start to find that his reckless antics and headfirst approach to life are... kind of charming. Sure, itâs like living next door to a tornado, but itâs a tornado that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and never lets you get too deep into your own thoughts.
Whatâs funny is that while he doesnât actively try to make you feel more comfortable, he ends up doing it anyway. Itâs his Luffy magic. You find yourself smiling more often, your shyness loosening its grip bit by bit as he does dumb stuff and throws himself into trouble that only Luffy would consider fun.
Heâll walk up to you, grin stretching from ear to ear, holding out some bizarre, questionably edible snack and say, âYou gotta try this!â And just like that, the nerves you felt melt awayânot because heâs making an effort to make you feel at ease, but simply because heâs himself.
And sure, sometimes his energy is a lot. Weâre talking sprinting-across-decks, yelling-about-meat kind of âa lot.â But in the middle of all that noise, you come to realize that you feel safer and more at ease when youâre around him. Why? Because Luffy has this way of making everything fun and natural, and soon enough, that includes you too.
Before long, your shyness isnât something you worry about around him; itâs just another thing Luffy accepts without blinking, like itâs the most normal thing in the world. And in his eyes? It is.
Itâs cute because you two really are like the sun and the moon, with Luffy as the blazing, never-stopping sun, and you being the more reserved, quiet moon. Itâs like a cosmic duoâheâs all light and energy, and youâre the calm, cool reflection of it all. You balance each other out in the weirdest, most wonderful way.
And when people catch wind of the fact that Luffy is dating someoneâlet alone someone as shy as youâitâs like watching a cartoon characterâs eyes bug out of their head. Yeah, theyâre not wrong to be surprised, but Luffy doesnât care. Heâs already busy thinking about whatâs next on the agenda, probably involving meat or some kind of treasure hunt.
Luffy is anything but shy. He could probably talk to a rock and think itâs the best conversation heâs had all day. So when it comes to affection, heâs not exactly one to shy away from it. He might not be the clingiest partner out thereâheâs not going to be hanging off you like a koala (okay, maybe sometimes)âbut you can bet heâs there, always.
Whether itâs randomly giving you a hug in or tossing his arm around your shoulder like itâs no big deal, heâs just Luffyâand that means showing affection wherever and whenever he feels like it, no matter whoâs watching. Basically, heâs like a âhereâs my arm, itâs yours nowâ kind of guy.
While Luffy doesnât exactly get what makes you shy, heâs surprisingly good at picking up on your feelings. If youâre feeling anxious, or if youâre shrinking back into your shell a little bit, Luffy has this unbelievable ability to sense when you need a change of pace. Without even thinking about it, heâll grab your hand and drag you off on some wild adventure, just to get your mind off things.
He doesnât even need a reasonâhe just knows that you could use a distraction, and heâs the perfect person to provide it. Besides, that just gives him more time to spend with you! And, of course, he might offer you one of his beloved snacks or a full meal if youâre feeling off. Seriously, do you know how big that is? Luffy parting with his food is like a miracle in itself, so if heâs offering it to you, you better believe youâre special.
And letâs talk about the food thing for a sec. Do you even realize how big of a deal it is that Luffy shares his food with you? Like, do you know how many times heâs turned down offering a bite of his meat to anyone? Probably never. So when he hands you a piece of his prized food, you know itâs a huge honor. Weâre talking sacred territory here.
If you ever doubted your place in Luffyâs heart, just remember: he shares his food with you. Thatâs a level of trust and affection that not even the grandest feast can outdo. Trust me, youâve got a special place in his world, and itâs right next to the meat and maybe a little bit of the chaos.
Luffyâs naturally the type of guy whoâd include you in absolutely everythingâbecause why wouldnât he? To him, youâre part of the crew, part of his world, and that means heâs going to drag you into every single bit of it.
Youâd be minding your own business, maybe sitting quietly with your book or trying to sneak in a nap, when suddenlyâBAM! Luffy's in front of you, grinning like a madman, already talking about the next big adventure or game that everyoneâs playing. âCâmon, join us!â heâd say, and before you could protest, heâs already tossing you into the mix.
Itâs not that heâs forcing you to join, thoughâLuffy just has this way of making you feel like you should be there, without ever putting you on the spot. His carefree, inclusive attitude makes it feel like the natural thing to do. You never feel pressure; you just feel... valued. Like you belong, whether youâre quietly cheering from the sidelines or joining in with your own brand of awkward enthusiasm.
Itâs like Luffyâs energy is so contagious that you canât help but want to be part of whatever insane thing heâs cooking up that day, even if itâs just watching him eat his weight in food and making random, nonsensical decisions.
If anyone ever crossed the line with youïżœïżœïżœteased you, made you uncomfortable, or said something that got under your skinâLuffy would flip the script faster than you can blink. That goofy, carefree grin would disappear in an instant, replaced by a rare, uncharacteristically serious expression.
Suddenly, heâs standing right in front of you like a human shield, ready to take down anyone who dared upset you. Heâs usually a chaotic force of nature, but mess with his loved ones, and thatâs when you see a side of him that is all about protecting you.
He wouldnât hesitate to confront the person, his voice firm and unwavering. âHey! Thatâs not cool! You donât mess with my crew!â Heâs not one for subtlety or second-guessing, so youâd know right away that Luffyâs on your side. If someoneâs being rude or making you feel small, heâll make sure they know theyâve messed with the wrongggggg person.
The crewâs used to this by nowâbecause Luffy, despite his childish nature, would go to the ends of the earth to defend the people he cares about. Youâd feel like the most important person in the world in that moment because, in his eyes, you are.
Luffyâs loyalty is on another level entirely. Once heâs decided he cares about someone, theyâre inâno questions, no conditions, just pure, unfiltered loyalty. If youâre lucky enough to be someone Luffy loves, youâd know it in every grin, in every spontaneous gesture, and in every single, joyfully shouted âLetâs go!â Youâd never have to second-guess where you stand with him, because Luffyâs affections are as clear as day, as honest and unwavering as the sea he dreams of conquering.
So whether youâre officially part of his crew or not, in his mind, youâre always one of them, and heâd tell anyone whoâll listen, âYeah, theyâre with me!â with a pride thatâd make your heart swell.
The best part? Luffy would constantly invite you to tag along on whatever wild journey or ridiculous stunt heâs about to pull. Thereâd be no hesitation; itâd be, âHey! Letâs go on an adventure!â as if going on an impromptu quest was as simple as taking a stroll to the market. Itâs almost like Luffy has this unspoken rule: every exciting, crazy, fun thing has to be experienced with you.
From treasure hunts that end up in unexpected fights with sea kings to races through bustling ports (where he definitely has no idea where heâs running but is laughing the whole time), Luffy wants you there, right in the middle of it all. Youâd probably sigh at the thought of jumping headfirst into another unpredictable situation, but Luffyâs enthusiasm is like a gravitational pullâitâs impossible to resist.
And thank goodness for that, because your timid self wouldnât stand a chance at taking the lead in any of these wild endeavors. Luckily, Luffyâs the type to charge forward, dragging you along by the hand with zero doubts and zero plans. He makes all the decisions for both of you, which, sure, sometimes means ending up lost on an island full of very angry, very large monkeys because, âThey looked friendly!â
Youâd feel a mix of exasperation and endearment at his antics. He doesnât realize it, but his willingness to be the fearless leaderâeven if his plans are sometimes made with the strategic prowess of a rubber chickenâtakes the pressure off you. You donât have to stress over decisions or worry about whether youâre doing the right thing, because Luffyâs already ten steps ahead (probably literally sprinting) and dragging you along with a confidence that borders on reckless.
And honestly? Thatâs part of the charm. His âplansâ might be half-baked and a little foolish, but he makes up for it by being completely and unapologetically himself.
Youâd find yourself smiling more than you ever expected, getting swept up in the whirlwind that is Luffy, and realizing that being with him means never feeling alone, even if youâre quiet or shy.
His laughter, his outbursts, and his impulsive decisions would all become things you cherish, because with him leading the way, life feels a little less scary and a lot more exciting.
ACE
Ace is all warmth and energy, like a bonfire on a chilly night, and heâd go out of his way to make sure you feel comfortable in his presence. Despite his natural tendency for excitement and spontaneity, heâd be mindful of your shyness, making a conscious effort to dial down the volume when needed.
Youâd catch him lowering his voice a bit, softening his laughter, or even sitting a little closer with a reassuring grin. His laid-back nature would do wonders for your anxiety, melting it away bit by bit like ice under the sun. Heâd take a more casual, playful approach when heâs with you, balancing his liveliness with a kind of gentle attentiveness that makes your heart feel at ease.
Ace has a knack for starting conversations, even if the topic is completely random. Heâd sense your hesitance and jump in without skipping a beat. âDid I ever tell you about the time I tried to cook for the crew and accidentally set a whole forest on fire?â heâd start, eyes twinkling as he watches your reaction.
His stories are always ridiculousâstories of clumsy mishaps, epic pranks gone wrong, or that one time he fell asleep mid-battle. Youâd find yourself laughing in spite of yourself, the tension in your shoulders easing as you realize heâs making himself the butt of the joke, just to make you feel more at ease. Heâd keep talking until he sees that spark of amusement in your eyes, and then keep going, his smile growing wider every time you giggle.
And Aceâs teasing? Oh, heâd be a master of that fine line between making you laugh and making you blush. Heâd lean in, smirking just enough to be charming, and say, âWhatâs this? A smile? I knew it was in there somewhere.â His playful comments would come with a wink and a laugh, just enough to make your face warm, but never enough to make you feel like youâre being put on the spot.
If he ever saw you growing quiet or noticed that hint of panic in your eyes, heâd immediately back off, switching to a softer tone and throwing in a quick âIâm just messing with yaâ followed by that disarming grin of his.
Ace would be incredibly in tune with your reactions, watching for the tiniest signs that youâre feeling overwhelmed. The moment he picks up on it, heâd change gearsâmaybe suggesting a quiet spot on deck where you could sit together and watch the stars, or offering to take a walk to get some fresh air. Heâd brush off the seriousness with a light, âHey, itâs just us. No pressure, alright?â The way he says it makes you feel safe, like itâs just you and him against the world, no expectations or worries allowed.
Ace is the definition of a warm hug in human form, so being a tactile person comes naturally to him. But when it comes to you, heâd show an impressive amount of restraintânot an easy feat for someone whoâd usually throw an arm around a friend without thinking twice. Well, youâre not just his friend but his lover, obviouslyâbut what Iâm getting at us that heâs a pretty affectionate guy.
Heâd start small, easing you into it with light touches: a friendly pat on the shoulder when you share a joke, a playful ruffle of your hair that would leave you smiling and maybe a little flustered. Youâd catch the subtle glances heâd shoot you afterward, as if heâs silently checking, Was that okay? Did that make you uncomfortable? Itâs endearing how heâs so in tune with your comfort level, his natural affection turned into a gentle dance of patience and care.
As time went on and your confidence around him grew, Ace would start to introduce more meaningful touches. Heâd sneak in side hugs when youâre sitting together, leaning into you with that easygoing smile of his that made your heart race. And when the day finally came that you leaned into him on your own, whether it was out of exhaustion or just because you felt safe, the soft, proud look on his face would be priceless.
Ace would make a big deal out of it in the quietest way possible, his hand finding yours in a reassuring squeeze as if to say, Hey, look at you, being brave. Eventually, heâd graduate to full-on snuggling when you were comfortable, and the first time he wrapped you in his arms and pulled you close, youâd know just how deeply he cared.
And when social situations become too muchâbecause letâs face it, Ace has a lot of friends and a magnetic personality that draws people inâheâd be the first to notice if youâre starting to feel overwhelmed.
In those moments, heâd spring into action without making it obvious. Heâd tell a ridiculously over-the-top story, one that would steal the spotlight from everyone else and have the whole roomâs attention fixed on him, leaving you a moment to breathe.
Ace would always throw himself into being the distraction, whether it meant cracking jokes or reenacting a failed stunt that ended with him pretending to trip over his own feet. Heâd shoot you a quick wink in the middle of it, as if to say, See? Iâve got you.
Itâs not that he wanted to be the center of attentionâokay, maybe a little, but only when itâs for you.
Heâd take on the role of court jester, chaos-maker, or even reluctant hero if it meant taking the pressure off you for a while. If anyone questioned it, heâd brush it off with a laugh and a shrug, all while keeping an eye on you to make sure you were okay.
And if things really got too much, Ace wouldnât hesitate to steer you away from the noise altogether, leaning in close and saying, âLetâs get outta here for a bit, yeah?â Heâd lead you somewhere quieter, a hand on your arm or fingers interlaced with yours, the simple touch grounding you as you walked.
Youâd both end up somewhere peaceful, maybe under the stars or by a flickering campfire, where heâd wrap an arm around your shoulder and say, âYou donât have to explain. Just take your time.â And you would, with the steady thump of his heartbeat right next to yours, knowing heâd take on the world just to make sure you felt comfortable and safe.
Ace would be your number one cheerleader, hyped beyond belief over every little victory you achieved. You managed to say something in a group conversation? Heâd beam at you like you just solved world peace. âLook at you go! Youâre amazing!â heâd shout, probably a bit louder than necessary, with that signature grin that lights up his entire face.
If you reached out to touch his arm or, heaven forbid, initiated a hug, thereâd be a solid five minutes of him staring at you in delighted disbelief before breaking out into an excited, âDid you justâ? You did! You did!â
What you might not notice is that whenever you step even half a toe out of your comfort zone, Ace is in the background punching the air with all the subtlety of an over-caffeinated kid at a birthday party.
It doesnât matter if itâs a tiny thing, like making eye contact with someone new, or a big step like saying a few words in front of the crewâAce is celebrating it like you just discovered the One Piece itself.
He might look a bit unhinged to anyone passing by, but heâs never cared about that. Youâre his person, and your wins are his wins. Heâs just out here being the proudest guy alive, punching invisible foes and mouthing, Thatâs my partner!
And the way he looks at you? Itâs like youâre the most priceless treasure in the world, and not just in the fleeting, pirate-wants-your-gold way. No, Aceâs gaze is full of warmth and genuine awe, the kind that makes you feel like youâre wrapped in a blanket of sunshine.
When you speak, whether itâs a confident statement or a hesitant mumble, Ace is all ears. His eyes would fix on you with this almost comically serious expression, nodding along like youâre revealing some ancient, life-altering secret.
You could point to the sky and say, âThatâs the sky,â and heâd respond with a deep, earnest nod and a wide grin, âExactly! I love that you noticed!â The rest of the crew might shake their heads and mutter things like, âHere they go again,â but Ace doesnât care. If it matters to you, it matters to himâsimple as that.
It doesnât matter how mundane your observation is or how shyly you say it; to Ace, every word is golden. Heâd hang on every syllable as if you were weaving a tale worthy of a bardâs song. Youâd catch him repeating things you said back to you later, just to show heâd remembered, saying things like, âOh yeah, like you said the other day, the sky really was a perfect blue.â
Itâs almost ridiculous, but thatâs Aceâheâd make you feel like every tiny thing you did was extraordinary, because in his eyes, it truly is.
SABO
Sabo is the calm breeze compared to the whirlwinds that are Luffy and Ace, which makes him the perfect blend of approachable and comforting.
With his natural ease and warm, diplomatic demeanor, youâd find yourself feeling more at peace around him sooner than youâd expect. Saboâs the kind of person who could have a conversation with anyone, but when heâs with you, youâd feel like youâre the only one in the world that matters.
Heâs just got this knack for making everything feel safe, like heâs a sturdy anchor in a storm. If you ever started to feel overwhelmed, Sabo would be the first to notice, with a quiet attentiveness that doesnât scream Iâm watching you but more like Iâm here if you need me.
Heâd be a master of subtlety, paying close attention to what made you nervous and what helped you open up, all without making it seem like he was analyzing you. Youâd catch him making mental notes when you shifted uncomfortably or lit up at something specific. Heâs probably like, âWrite that down, write that down!â in his head.
And heâd use those observations to make your interactions more comfortable. If he noticed that certain topics or big crowds made you anxious, heâd steer conversations towards lighter things or find a reason to take a quiet walk somewhere less crowded.
Sabo would never rush you into sharing more than you were ready for. He understands that trust is built slowly, like adding logs to a fire, not dumping gasoline on it and hoping for the best.
Sabo would show his affection in the most considerate ways, taking into account what youâd find comforting rather than overwhelming. That being said, grand and dramatic gestures arenât his style when it comes to you; heâd save those for his other acts of rebellion.
With you, heâd stick to smaller, more intimate actions. Heâd brush his fingers across yours before holding your hand, always making sure it was welcome. Heâd lean in a little closer when youâre talking, eyes fixed on you with that soft, attentive gaze of his that makes you feel like you have all the time in the world.
Thereâd be moments when heâd reach out with a light touch on your arm, or just the simple press of his shoulder against yours when you sat side by side, enough to let you know he was there but never too much to make you uncomfortable.
Itâs like he has a sixth sense for what was just the right amount of closeness. And if you ever looked unsure or nervous, Saboâs eyes would catch yours, full of warmth and encouragement, like he was silently saying, Take your time, Iâm not going anywhere.
The patience heâd show would be unmatched; you could almost hear him mentally cheering you on even if you were just picking your words slowly or taking a deep breath before saying something important.
And the way heâd support you? Subtle but powerful. If you ever found yourself second-guessing or fumbling, heâd quietly step in to help redirect the conversation or offer a reassuring comment. âI think thatâs a great point,â heâd say with genuine enthusiasm, giving you that extra boost of confidence.
And when youâd catch him watching you speak, the look in his eyes would always be one of admirationânever judgment, never pressure, just pure, patient support. And whether itâs a simple chat or a quiet walk together, Saboâs presence would be your reminder that youâre valued, seen, and cherished, just as you are.
When it came to conversations, Sabo would be your guy for deep, meaningful talks, but with a healthy dose of humor to keep things light. Heâd pick the coziest, quietest corner on the ship or at a cafĂ©, leaning in with a thoughtful smile and saying, âAlright, you ready to hear some top-secret stories about Ace and Luffyâs greatest flops?â And heâd be off, recounting tales of Luffy trying to eat something he really, really shouldnât have or Aceâs legendary nap times that ended in near-disaster.
His stories are designed not just to make you laugh, but to remind you that even these larger-than-life brothers were and still are total dorks sometimes. And before you know it, youâre easing into sharing a few of your own stories, prompted by his gentle encouragement and the safety his presence provided.
If there was ever a moment where you hinted at wanting to join in on an activity or step outside your comfort zone, Sabo would light up like someone just told him there was free cake on deck. But instead of jumping up and down and looking crazy, Saboâs celebration would be the dignified, internal kind.
Picture a boardroom in his mind filled with 10 tiny Sabos all jumping out of their chairs, high-fiving each other, and throwing confetti in the air. On the outside, heâd just offer you that calm, reassuring grin and a simple, âYouâve got this. And if not, weâll laugh about it later, yeah?â
Heâd be your biggest silent cheerleader, always ready with a patient hand to guide you or a subtle nudge if you needed it. If you wanted to join in on a game or join a conversation but hesitated, Sabo would seamlessly include you, making it feel natural and not like he was pointing out your shyness.
Heâd say things like, âHey, I think Y/N would be perfect for thisâwhat do you think?â and then shoot you a wink that says, See? Not so bad, right? And when you took that first step, whether it was a comment or a hesitant laugh at a joke, Saboâs inner cheering squad would be losing their collective minds.
So while Ace might be punching the air and Luffy would probably shout, âYou did it!â at full volume, Sabo would play it coolâat least on the outside. But donât be fooled. The minute he seeâs you trying something new or making a move outside your comfort zone, those 10 tiny Sabos in his head would be throwing a full-on carnival, complete with fireworks and dancing.
And heâd just keep giving you that look that said, Youâre amazing, and Iâm so proud of you. Because to him, youâre always worth celebrating, no matter what.
If thereâs one thing Sabo doesnât tolerate, itâs someone messing with the people he cares about. So if he spotted you feeling uncomfortable or noticed someone trying to be intimidating, heâd swoop in with the subtlety of a master diplomat. Sabo wouldnât make a scene, but instead, heâd redirect the situation like an absolute pro.
Maybe heâd throw out a well-timed joke, ask a question that shifts the focus, or suddenly develop an urgent need for your opinion on something random, like, âHey, didnât you say you know a lot about⊠apples?â The offender would be left blinking, and youâd find yourself in a new conversation before you even realized what happened. Crisis averted, all thanks to Saboâs suave social maneuvering.
And then thereâs Saboâs sweeter sideâhis covert operation of affection. He knows that grand, dramatic proclamations can sometimes make you want to dive head-first into the nearest bush, so heâs perfected the art of subtle, heartfelt gestures.
Heâd leave little handwritten notes tucked in places he knows youâll find, maybe in your favorite book or slipped under your plate at breakfast. Each note would be filled with the kind of genuine, thoughtful words that would make your heart do an embarrassing little flip. Theyâd say things like, I know youâre stronger than you think, and I canât wait for the world to see it, too, or The stars were beautiful last night, but not as much as seeing you smile today.
And donât even get started on the letters. Oh, the letters. Sabo would write you these intricate, beautifully crafted notes that read like they came straight from the heart of a poet whoâs just returned from a victorious battle.
He could have just finished a day of intense Revolutionary Army missions, covered in dust and exhaustion, but youâd still get a note that starts with, Hey, you. Iâm thinking about you, and ends with some metaphor about how your presence makes the world brighter, even when heâs knee-deep in chaos.
Youâd find trinkets, tooâmaybe a small charm he found that reminded him of you or a pressed flower from somewhere he thought was pretty. Itâs the little things that would make your day and remind you that, no matter what chaos heâs wrapped up in with the Revolutionary Army, youâre always on his mind. And when youâd look up at him, cheeks flushed from finding yet another one of his notes or small gifts, Sabo would just grin that charming, lopsided grin and say, âDid you find it? Good. I meant every word.â
Heâs protective, thoughtful, and romantic in a way that feels like itâs tailored just for you. And even if heâs balancing the weight of revolutions and strategic plans, Sabo makes sure you know that youâre not just part of his lifeâyouâre the best part.
#asl brothers#asl trio#asl one piece#one piece asl#ace x reader#ace x you#portgas ace x reader#portgas d ace#portgas ace x y/n#portgas ace x you#revolutionary sabo#one piece sabo#sabo x reader#flame emperor sabo#op sabo#sabo one piece#luffy x reader#one piece luffy#monkey d. luffy#straw hat luffy#mugiwara no luffy#luffy#op luffy#op ace x reader#op ace#monkey d luffy x y/n#monkey d luffy x reader#monkey d luffy x you#I tried making the hcs shorter but for the life of me I canât#it just feels so wrong to make them short
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