#like everybody here has a species you gotta make them at least sound cool and unique especially if you want people to be curious enough to

[eclipsesalign]

The wonders of being in a worldbuilding server are so underappreciated. Where else are you gonna see someone go “Hey guys anyone wanna ask me questions about [insert original species here]”

And then when someone does ask a question about them, they respond with the most milquetoast ass bland 1 sentence answer (and then get pissy when nobody else asks them questions)

[mst3kproject]

The Ape

In the vein of movies that should not be confused with eerily similar previous entries, The Ape is distinct from The Ape Man... but not by much.  Both feature a slumming horror superstar, glandular secretions, and a stupid gorilla suit.  All these things also showed up in early seasons of MST3K, of course, and The Ape Man also has a surprise bonus.  Apparently, the guy in the gorilla costume is none other than Crash Corrigan, of Undersea Kingdom!

Long ago, Dr. Adrien lost his daughter to polio, and ever since he's been obsessed with finding a cure.  That sounds pretty noble, but unfortunately, Adrien is a mad doctor, so the cure he comes up with requires killing healthy people to drain them of their cerebralspinal fluid!  In order not to arouse suspicion, he kills and skins a gorilla that escaped from a circus, and wears its hide when he murders people... you know, as one does. To nobody's surprise but his, he ends up getting shot, but hey, at least he cured beautiful young Frances' paralysis!

This is a weird, dumb movie but one thing I can say in its favour is that everybody seems to have given it a good try.  This material was far beneath Boris Karloff but he takes it seriously and actually gets a couple of decent moments, as does Maris Wrixton (who was also in The Face of Marble) as Frances.  Nobody else is even close to Karloff's level, being just bland 40's actors who talk too fast, but none of the main cast are phoning it in, either.

Conversely, the worst thing in the movie is its truly horrendous gorilla suit.  The puppet face shows the actor's eyes and can curl its lip, which is cool, though the features don't look very gorilla-ish.  The rest of the suit, however, is terrible. It's way too shaggy and in order to give it a gorilla-like silhouette, they stuck a big hunchback on it.  This might have worked if Corrigan had tried to walk on all fours like gorillas actually do, but instead he waddles along upright like a toddler with a full diaper, which ruins it.  The people who made the movie also appear to think gorillas are nocturnal which, for the record, they are not.

Gorillas were kind of a big thing in movies of the 40's and 50's.  The species had been scientifically described a century earlier, but hadn't really been studied until the 1920s and most people had never seen one outside of King Kong. Films of the period were not kind to the gorilla.  One of the first gorilla movies was 1930's Ingagi, which purported to be a documentary about gorillas kidnapping women as sex slaves.  That kind of set the tone, and subsequent movies depicted gorillas as creatures prone to violence and rape.  Examples from this blog alone are numerous: The Ape Man (1940), Panther Girl of the Kongo (1955), and Bride of the Gorilla (1951) for starters... Robot Monster (1953) might also count.

The Ape has a slightly more nuanced approach to gorilla behaviour.  Yes, its gorilla does maul people to death... but the first victim is its trainer, who has been shown mistreating it.  Another circus employee even tries to tell him that he'll catch more flies with honey.  When the ape batters its way into Dr. Adrien's house, it does so in order to get at the trainer's coat, which Adrien left draped over a chair when the dying man was brought to him for treatment.  We see far more fear of the escaped ape than we do of the animal itself, and it does not commit near as many murders as Adrien does while dressed in its skin!

So that's halfway progressive for the 1940s.  We can also look at the treatment of Frances, the wheelchair-user partially paralyzed by polio.  She is clearly meant to be an object of the audience's pity, and Adrien is obsessed with making her able to walk again – as he could not do for his own daughter.  To some extent the movie infantilizes her, as she is clearly dependent on her mother, unable to have much of a social life, and her boyfriend Danny professes his willingness to 'take care of her'.  When she regains movement in her legs at the end of the movie, she and her mother immediately burn her wheelchair.  Apparently she's not allowed to build up her stamina slowly... if she walks ten minutes from home and then can't continue, she's just gotta sit there until she recovers or somebody finds her.

On the other hand, Frances' family aren't trying to force Adrien's possible cure on her, but let her choose it for herself. Her mother doesn't mind looking after her, and Danny is happy to accommodate her by, for example, hiring a cart so she can accompany him to the circus.  Danny in particular is very suspicious of the fact that the injections Adrien gives to Frances are causing her pain, and takes the doctor to task for it, telling him he would rather have her disabled and happy than walking but in pain.  “I'd rather carry her around all my life!” he says.  Her loved ones are willing to try for the cure, but it doesn't seem like anyone will be miserable if it fails.  Frances herself wistfully admires the acrobats at the circus, but shows no anger or bitterness that she cannot be like them.

Frances is even allowed some initiative, as she hurries down the road in her wheelchair calling to Dr. Adrien and trying to warn him that the gorilla is in the area.  This, ironically, is what leads to Adrien getting shot, as it attracts the attention of the posse hunting the animal.  But as Adrien lies dying, he gets to see Frances standing for the first time in ten years, so I guess we're meant to think this was all worth it.

But was it?  Several people died in order to provide the spinal fluid that helped Frances heal.  The movie shows them as terrified of Dr. Adrien and/or the gorilla, but other than that it is oddly uninterested in their fates.  None of the deaths are presented as tragedies, with families left in mourning... the only family we hear about for the gorilla trainer is a father who is already dead, and another one of the victims was an asshole who told his wife if she didn't like him cheating on her she could always drown herself(!??).  So... are we supposed to think they don't matter?  That their deaths are acceptable because they helped Frances – who was not dying or even deteriorating, and was satisfied with her life as it was – to a cure?

It is notable that we do not see what happens when Frances finds out that people had to die for her to be able to walk.  She would have to reassess her opinion of Dr. Adrien, whom until now she has thought of as a loving father figure.  She would have to figure out what this means for her future and perhaps need reassurance that she is not culpable.  Her unconcerned happiness at the end suggests that nobody bothered to tell her, and that she has not yet made the connection herself.  This is really quite unfortunate, because it deprives Frances of her only real chance to be a character rather than a plot point – which is ultimately all she is here.

Nobody else is shown dealing with the aftermath, either.  The town has long mistrusted Dr. Adrien because of rumours that he was experimenting on his patients, and a recent spate of missing dogs is shown to be his fault.  An early scene shows a group of boys bothering the doctor by throwing rocks at his house (which made me wonder if toilet paper hadn't been invented yet. According to Wikipedia, it dates to 1857, so there's your Fun Fact for the day). Seeing their worst fears realized really ought to have some effect on the people.  Even if nobody bothers to tell Frances how her miraculous cure was effected, others will surely figure it out and have to weigh up what he achieved versus the crimes he committed to get there.

Yeah, I know: this is a movie about a guy killing people while wearing a dead gorilla.  I'm thinking too hard.

Finally, I want to note some interesting possible connections between The Ape and a number of other movies I've seen.  Both The Ape and The Ape Man appear to have been inspired by the 1932 movie Murders in the Rue Morgue, which also features a gorilla and injections of bodily fluids in the name of mad science, and did not feature very much resemblance to Edgar Allen Poe's story of the same name.  I don't know if these films directly inspired each other, and it's been ages since I saw Rue Morgue... but the combination of plot elements here seems weirdly specific to be something different people came up with independently.  I should watch all three again and see if I notice any more similarities between them.

There are also interesting likenesses between The Ape and another Boris Karloff movie, 1945's The Grave Robber.  The latter is the story of a doctor who needs fresh corpses as part of his research, which culminates in surgery to allow a paralyzed girl to walk again.  The doctor in this film is more a victim than a villain, himself, as he finds that the man he's been paying to rob graves for him is actually murdering the homeless, and he can't expose this criminal without jeopardizing his work and incriminating himself.  It's been a long time since I saw this movie, either (as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I've had some shit going on and I haven't had a lot of time for movies, bad or otherwise), so I can't actually say if it's better than The Ape, but it's definitely less silly.

Anyway, the moral of this story is vaccinate your fucking kids or a gorilla will kill you.

[adhdeancas]

Sunset Sound: Made in Heaven

Read Chapter 5 on AO3 here.

“Alright, ladies and gents, let’s do this.” Pamela rubs her hands together. They’re all crowded around a table, having hauled Pamela’s magic crap in. She looks around at them like they’re all gathered around for a campfire ghost story. “So, rumor has it that you can crack into the Empty with an inter-realm spell. So… we need somebody from each of the ball fields: Heaven, Earth, Hell, Purgatory.” 

Charlie whistles. “Great. Well, we got the Heaven side covered. Earth is probably next easiest, right?” 

“Except we can’t run the risk of Chuck finding out what we’re up to. So, down low. Evasive measures.” 

Dean nods at Ash. “Sam’s got a handle on the Earth shit; he’s a little magic freak now. No offense.” he puts a hand on Pamela. She rolls her eyes. “But how do we get a message down to him without setting Chuck off? Not like we can send a halo-ed carrier pigeon.”

They all think on it for a second, till Pamela leans forward. “The veil. If we can contact a ghost, they can haunt Sam and get him the message.” 

Charlie raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t ghosts known for being kind of… crazy? Murderous?”

“Huge dicks?” Ash adds helpfully. 

Pamela shrugs. “We could find one that’s recently died; there’s the possibility they wouldn’t have turned yet. But we’d have to know who we’re contacting, we can’t just put out a classified.” 

Something pings in the back of Dean’s head and he slams his hand on the table. He apologizes quickly because damn near everyone jumps at the noise. “I got it. Kevin. Kevin Tran. He’s in the veil still, and he’s spent a fuckton of time down there, he’d know how to haunt somebody good.” 

“And is he going to want to help us?” 

Dean frowns at Pamela. “What does that mean?” 

“I mean, people don’t usually end well around you, Dean. Case in point,” she motions around the table at all of them. “It’s not your fault but… sometimes there are hard feelings.” 

Dean shakes his head. He deserves hard feelings from Kevin, that’s for sure, but the kid’s awesome. Hell, last time he’d seen them he’d been almost happy, even signing up to stay in the veil forever. “Nah, we can trust Kevin. He’s family.” 

“Alright. Fire her up then, Pam,” Ash is excited. Pamela shoots him a glare for impatience but she gets her shit together anyway. It’s already set up, all she has to do is ask Dean for a few personal details, chant a bit, and she gets through. “We’re asking for Kevin Tran. Kevin Tran, if you’re out there, Dean Winchester wants a word. Well, a few actually. Kevin, can you hear me?” 

The draft spigot turns on by itself, spewing beer onto the floor. “Hey Kev, want a beer?” Dean jumps up and grabs a glass, pumped at the prospect of seeing his friend again.” 

“That’s it, Kevin. You’re doing great. Keep trying, keep locking into that.” 

The candles on the table go out one by one: apparently, Kevin practicing. Dean holds his breath and shuts off the draft spigot, a glass of beer held out in front of him. “Can ghosts drink? Wait, are you even 21, Kevin?” 

“The kid’s dead and you’re gonna huff and puff over the legal age for a Pilsner?” Ash laughs. Dean hands it to him; he has a point. Maybe Jack’s made him a little overprotective of shit like that. 

Kevin appears in front of Dean then, hand outstretched to try and take the beer. His sudden appearance makes Dean spill half of it all over himself. “Son of a- hi Kevin!” he offers the beer out again, and this time Kevin takes it and pours it right through his ghostly figure. “Oh… shit.” 

Kevin deadpans at him. “Yeah, it sucks. Hi, Dean.” 

“How you doing, bud?” 

Kevin shrugs and sighs, looking down at himself. “Well, I’m dead. Still. Dean, you wanna explain what I’m doing here first?” 

Dean nods, grabbing the beer back from Kevin and setting it on the table. He motions for the kid to turn around toward the table set up with witchy shit. “Kevin, this is Ash, Charlie, and Pamela, the psychic who summoned you.” Pamela and Ash both give a flirty wink, which makes Dean turn about three shades of red in the face. 

“Heard a lot, kid.” Ash greets him.

“Yeah, I’ve never heard of any dead guy with such bad luck.” Pamela adds on. And she would know.

Kevin nods with a wry smile. “Yeah, well, that’s just me, I guess. Dead for years, in the veil most of it and hell for the rest.”

“Kev, I’m so sorry-” 

Kevin holds up a hand to stave off Dean’s apologies. “It’s not your fault, Dean. It’s Chuck’s. Tell me you got him.” 

“That’s what we’re here for, man.” 

“Yeah, apparently we’re the Kill God Team now.” Charlie grins and Kevin smiles back. 

“Hell fucking yeah. I can get on board with that. Whaddya need me to do?” 

They all sit down at the table and map it all out. “We need you to get the plan over to Sam, but we can’t have Chuck finding out about any of it.”

“Yeah, so you need to make sure he knows to keep a low profile.” Dean warns. The last fucking thing in the world they need is to lose the element of surprise. Plus, that would put Sam right in Chuck’s crosshairs, and Dean can’t be there to back him up. He curses himself again for dying. 

“What exactly do we mean by low profile?” Charlie asks. “Are we talking cabin in the middle of the woods off-grid kind of low profile or just a Meet the Robinson’s type deal?”

Dean sighs. “Sam needs to stay away from anything Chuck likes to watch.” God, it sounded grimy just saying it. “That means hunting, that means me, that means… Eileen too.” 

“Eileen?” 

“His girlfriend.” It hurts Dean to think about, but- “Chuck’s used them against each other before; he likes them together. So they gotta stay apart.”

“Shit.” Charlie exhales quietly, and Dean nods. It’s unfair. It sucks. It’s Chuck. 

“Tell him to live a normal life. Be as happy as he can. But don’t come looking for me and don’t get interesting. Or Chuck will just fuck with him some more, and if he does that… he’s gonna find out what we’re doing.” Kevin nods seriously. He never gets brought around for fun shit, does he? Dean feels a pang of regret at that. He immediately wants to change it. “But right now, whaddya say we have some fun, huh?” 

The table looks at him like he’s gone nutty. He shrugs and grins. “Come on guys, we’re dead. Don’t we all have a night to spare?” 

He sees Charlie come around first, slow grin spreading across her face. “Fuck yeah, let’s party, bitches!”

It doesn’t take the rest of them much convincing either. Dean has some good-ass friends. “Yo Kev, since you can’t get fucked up, you wanna play some pool?” Ash hitches his thumb at the table behind him. 

Dean laughs. “Ash, you are one cruel son of a bitch. Years of being a friggin’ ghost and you’re gonna whoop him in pool? That’s cold.” 

Ash shakes his head. “Nah man, I’ve spent way more time passed out on that table than playing on it. I’d say the kid’s got a fair shot.” Kevin smiles and shrugs at Dean.

“Hey, that’s more than I’ve ever gotten before; I’ll take my chances” 

They head off to play and Dean grabs a beer to watch, a good one this time. One with the label he and Sam used to buy, the kind that Cas said “didn’t taste as much like the vast expanse of space dust” as the others. Charlie and Pamela follow with their own. 

“So Dean,” Pamela says. “Ash tells me you gotta angel on your shoulder.” She sounds a little weary. Dean figures that’s fair, given her experience with the species. 

“Uh… yeah. Castiel.” He gestures to her eyes. “That one.” Pamela shrugs if off. 

“So make me like him. Charlie here says you’ve got quite the bond.” Dean blushes pink, but for once there isn’t any innuendo behind her voice. At least, none that is teasing. He looks to Charlie, who makes a ‘I didn’t say anything’ face at him and relaxes a bit. 

“Well, uh, he hasn’t burned anymore eyes out,” Dean starts, then reconsiders. “Well, none that didn’t deserve it.” Not really true either. “Well-” 

“He’s super cute.” Charlie cuts him off. Dean blushes deeper. “He gave a whole fuck-you to heaven to save Dean.” Dean blushes deeper still. Why does it sound so… intimate when she says it like that? Pamela just raises an eyebrow.

“Sounds like some ally.” 

“Cas?” Kevin sinks a ball. The kid’s not bad, actually. Ash was right; they are neck-and-neck. “Yeah, he’s awesome. I mean, weird, but cool.” Dean grins. Weird but cool was exactly Cas. 

“Someday, man, I gotta meet this guy.” Ash laments.

“Someday, dude, you will.” Dean vows. Somehow sitting around talking about him with all these guys, he felt confident it was true. “Once we bust him out, you better bet we’re throwing a party and meet-and-greeting everybody. 

“I’ll finally get to tease him for the eyes. You think it’d get him better without the fakes?” She pops her fake cloudy eyes out and waggles her eyebrows at Dean, empty eye sockets looking bizarre on such a cheerful face. Dean laughs. 

“You’re not gonna need to; he already feels shitty for that. He’ll probably offer to heal ‘em, matter of fact.” 

“Well, he won’t get far with that one,” Ash calls over. “Angels been trying to do it for years.” Pamela nods at Dean’s questioning glance.

“Wouldn’t be me without ‘em, now. Who needs sight anyway?” 

“Without eyes you won’t be able to see my pretty face!” Dean bullshits. 

“Yeah, or your brother’s tight ass. Second thought, remind me when Sam gets up here, won’t ya?” Dean makes a gagging noise and Pamela laughs. 

“So you said Chuck’s in your��� kid?” Kevin asks skeptically. He misses a shot and Ash hollers. Dean cracks his neck and considers how to answer. 

“Kinda. I mean, yeah. Just not- he’s Lucifer and a human’s, technically.” He starts, realizing Kelly’s in heaven too. They’ve gotta let her in on this, but not now. Not now when Chuck!Jack is probably visiting her as her son; it’s too risky. With how sick he feels at the idea of Jack being Chuck’s meatsuit, well…

He sees Cas. Again. Just for a second, there he is standing outside the window, looking less wounded but more tired than before. He looks like he’s focused on something, like he’s scared, but he also looks transfixed, like he can’t look away. As Dean watches, Cas closes his eyes and mouths something. It looks like he’s counting. “One, two, three.” Dean blinks and he’s gone, and Dean’s left wondering if he imagined the whole thing.

“Dean?” 

“Yeah.” He smiles at Charlie to let her know he’s okay. Ish. “Sorry, uh, so he’s kind of devilspawn but he’s ours. Mine, Cas’s, Sam’s. Long story. But he’s a good kid.” He nods, knowing he oughta give more information, but not really knowing how.

“Who woulda thought, Dean Winchester, a dad.” Ash ribs with a grin. Dean laughs back and nods. His life hadn’t really screamed stability and mentorhood. His death still didn’t.

“Yeah, I… I haven’t exactly been a star father-figure…” Dean shakes his head. The conflict in his head that culminates in Jack is confusing as hell, but three things win him over. The first is Jack’s innocent, naive face looking up at him for any kind of approval or wisdom. A kid. Just a kid. The second is Cas’s face as he smiles at him that one night over a whiskey glass, the prideful joy as he tells Dean he always believed in Jack. The third is the pit in his gut of all the times he acted like his dad to Jack. And no matter what, Dean can’t leave those memories be. He can’t have Jack remember him like that, and he can’t look Cas in the eye knowing he didn’t do everything he could to make things right. “But that’s gonna change, if it fucking kills me. We gotta save him when we get Chuck, guys, we gotta.” 

“We will.” Kevin looks at him with an overly-confident smile. “We can’t lose. You’ve got me, now!”

The rest of them bust out laughing, and Kevin fakes offense. “You’re right, Kev. Don’t know what I’m so worried ‘bout.” 

Tag List (ask to be added or removed):

@dochunterwitch  @justonecitizenoftheearth @gnbrules @purpe @castiel-is-a-cat @alienapparatus @damian-janus-pendragon

[michaeloneillwords-music]

Oasis: Knobworth. Cocaine, Caricature and ‘The Culture Industry’s’ wet dream.

This week sees the release of the documentary film ‘Oasis Knobworth 1996’ which marks 25 years since the Manchester rock band played to over a quarter of a million disciples in a field in Hertfordshire across two nights. Obviously brand Oasis couldn’t miss the opportunity to celebrate its own greatness, in what is now being understood and accepted as some sort of era defining moment in pop cultural history. As a native of Manchester, who whether he likes it or not is psychically entrenched in the cities musical and cultural legacy and who was 15 years old when this event took place, I equally cannot miss the opportunity to challenge this retro fetish overstatement and present my own subjective understanding and experience of watching these caricatures of sex, drugs and rock roll as they rose to prominence. Let's face it ‘the culture industry’ has always needed fodder to sell to a teenage audience who in coming of age are flirting with the mask of social identity which is heavily informed by pop culture, and from late 1995 onwards Oasis, led by the brothers Gallagher were that fodder. The juggernaut of utter nonsense that they were peddling really began with the release of their sophomore effort (What’s the story) Morning Glory on the 2nd of October 1995, which to this day has gone on to sell in excess of 22 million copies worldwide, figures that depressingly highlight the state we are in as a species. Upon hearing the album as a 14 year engrossed in pop music culture I immediately disliked it. Gone were the walls of thick guitars, punkish irreverence and embellishments of baggy Northern Psychedelia that marked the best moments of their debut album, instead the listener was subjected to an overly clean, acoustic, commercial sounding record that was lyrically lazy, pedestrian and trite, to me it was and always will be an artistic car crash. It sounded immediately like a band uninterested in challenging itself or its audience, who instead were solely concerned with mass appeal, shifting units and making money. Whilst it should always be noted that the Gallagher brothers made no attempt to hide their aspirations for commercial success, material wealth and brand ubiquity, I simply find such sole motivations a turn off, that, more often than not result in utter dross, the kind that defines Oasis’ discography. Indeed, any ascent to the summit of pop culture will rarely be the sole result of an absolute desire for honest and uncompromising artistic expression, to just ‘make something’ regardless of economic reward or consideration for the consequences of what that expression communicates, represents or signifies. Indeed, such an approach will often come into direct conflict with the bottom line of the music industry, which is solely concerned with profit, monopolistic market control, the dissemination of ideology and projection of archetypes. And so it is that far from the ‘deviant bad boys of pop’ peddled by the culture industry press from 1995 onward, Oasis were actually a very obedient market vehicle for profit, who promoted nihilistic hedonism, idolatry, narcissism, misplaced masculinity, benign sexism, cocaine, lager and a depressing caricature of working class identity, and last but not least a brand of Beatles infused substance devoid pub rock. The ‘culture industry’ had been peddling this sort of shit from the mid 60’s in pop music and long before in general pop culture and as a result dear reader it was obviously very marketable once again to the mid-nineties teenage generation and to many subsequent generations for that matter. The game doesn't change. Oasis were and remain a wet dream of ‘the culture industry’, all too happy to short change a generation of youth culture with their destructive notions of cool, short sighted egocentric one dimensional outlook, and celebration of pack animal conformity under a banner of ‘rock and roll’ which signals ‘defiance’ ‘deviance’ and ‘hope’ but when unpacked and interrogated actually reveals a concession and obedience to the drudgery, depression and anomie of a top down controlled market culture by both the band and its disciples. They were without doubt a grey cloud of hard materialist understanding and sense pleasure that would leave Saint Francis of Assisi empty inside and reaching for a razor blade. I think it was the idolatry, narcissism and the reductionist mask of masculinity (that were all no doubt in the air at Knobworth, I couldn’t actually say as I wasn’t there, I had seen them on 26/11/1995 at the Manchester Nynex, and although I certainly do have deep seated masochistic tendencies everybody has a limit, and once was enough) that the band and its followers displayed that really didn’t sit well with me when the cultural juggernaut of Oasis and Britpop took off. These traits were for the most part distilled, embodied, displayed and performed by the band's frontman Liam Gallagher, a man whose answer to all of life’s existential conundrums is a pint of Carling. To me, Liam always carried a look of someone who had been asked a question they didn’t understand and was just trying to front it out with a gormless stare in an attempt to display some presence of depth and mystique to his onlooking disciples and celebrity obsessed media. When he did speak his articulations rarely got beyond how he was ‘mad for it’, how he was the ‘best frontman’ in the ‘best band’ and when his adopted mask of self-confidence was ever threatened would often bark ‘fook off’ in deflection and defence. Gallagher became the ‘Archetype’ that the modern-day British working class (and wannabe working class) alpha male identity is built on. Replete with feather cut, stone island jacket, adidas originals and cheap cocaine, ready to perform the identity prison they have adopted until the cows come home. I occasionally ponder as to whether the clinging too and performance of such a symbolically material identity merely masks an innate fear, and serves to deny the unpacking and unmasking of the ‘authentic self’, and how that process would more than likely contradict the projected ‘tower of strength’ that is indefinitely projected and protected by this deflective mask. I mean I thought we were an expression of consciousness with the innate capacity for creativity, who are looking to integrate the inner self into the ‘persona’ so as to not be imprisoned and tormented by the demands of the social mask, the gulf between the two and its insistence for the inauthentic? Who knows, and ultimately who really cares in this day and age. In terms of the idolatry, the fans deification of Liam and his brother Noel, alongside their deification of John Lennon, the two Paul McCartney's, Bozo and Poor Weller also really pissed me off when I was 15 and still doesn’t sit right with me today. It's the rock n roll hierarchy-musical establishment-gotta pay your dues-know the classics-they’re a fucking genius claptrap that really gets me goat. I mean fuck off, they've just made a record aided and abetted by an industry who want to flog them to death for moolah, and i’m expected to sit here and believe they're some sort of god like genius that captured the feelings of a mass populace, nah mate, it was capital backed exceptional marketing and mass gullibility. Limmy would capture working class culture in a 20 second video clip shot on his phone for nothing entitled “She’s turned the weans against us” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5VaPQflLq0&ab_channel=Limmy) in a far more profound and meaningful way 15 years after Knobworth. Furthermore, music solely informed and inspired by music and music history makes me want piss on my own face. That whole disciple of rock n roll dogmatic cultish crap, we want to be like our hero's motivation is so very depressing. I mean you’re having a unique subjective sensory experience, migrating through your own orbit of experience, and then when you engage with your creative faculties as a singular human being you adopt wholesale the principles and goals of those who’ve gone before you, or equally when simply embodying your identity it’s one built on the fetishization of a vapid celebrity archetype? Really? Really though? You’re not gonna take the opportunity to figure yourself out and project the uniqueness of your experience, reject or accept the external organising principles or merely just ‘mix the fucker up’? Hey who am I to pose such questions I guess, and in the immortal words of Oasis “You have to be yourself, you can’t be no one else”. Ha. I do think that line should now be updated to “you have to be a caricature of yourself because you cannot be anything else” though. Ooooh. Anyway, I shouldn’t really be blaming the current mask of one dimensional male social identity or celebrity deification on Oasis, they’re merely a cog in a machine that reproduces this reproduction over and over. However, that doesn’t detract from the fact that they are Manchester's greatest cultural own goal (shame really cause after the opening 5 or 10 minutes I was thinking we've got a team here), who made and continue to make to this day nonsensical grey groove-less drudgery a viable commodity with posthumous releases and as solo artists. Now that may be easy for me to say, as I was without doubt somewhat spoiled by exposure to the cities compelling history of DIY music from a young age, from the shadowy existential concrete corridors of Joy Division to the sharp witted marriage of high/low brow culture and realism/surrealism presented by The Fall, all the way through to the theological and philosophical street politics of The Stone Roses. Come 1995/96 I maybe expected more, but therein was a lesson for me, never expect, and indeed, always take the art and never the artist, and never ever deify. Musically Oasis were breathtakingly boring, real stodgy laboured stuff, and lyrically, to be brutally honest they were cringeworthy and embarrassing. However, to give them their due they did have conviction, but I’m sure that fellow Northerner Harold Shipman also had conviction in his creative output, but ultimately that doesn’t mean it was any good now does it? To me Oasis sounded like they were sent from the back of a battered cement mixer, or the lounge of the Robin Hood, or from the bottom of an overflowing ashtray on a coffee table in a council flat where shit cocaine is being relentlessly sniffed and Sky Sports News plays indefinitely. Symbolically they may be best defined as a scrunched up and discarded losing betting slip on the floor of a bookmaker’s that is heavy with the air of momentary hope, desperation, and inevitable loss. No thanks. P.S Look, all subjective criticism aside, Oasis spoke to millions and for that I congratulate them, they just never really spoke to me. Initially Liam and Noel were a breath of fresh air with their straight up lads with guitars attitude, riding their obvious desire with endlessly projected self- belief. However, to me there was just nothing after that initial Jab of intent present on Definitely Maybe and in interviews circa 94/95, there was no hook, combination or knock-out punch. Couple that with a general lack of grace, rhythm and finesse in the ring and to me as a spectacle it became boring very quickly, and as the rounds wore on that predictable Jab looked tired and stale, and the self-belief turned to coke fuelled narcissism. The ‘flock identity’ that materialised in the slipstream of their ascent and especially the attitude mimicry that was present then and remains today in the ‘Oasis Fan’ to be truthful is touch tragic. Furthermore, I've always held a deep-seated scepticism of the dynamics and motivations of 'the crowd' at the point of critical mass, especially when corporate power is deeply involved and invested in the relationship between the art and the audience. D'you know what I mean?

[swampgallows]

like this shit is so long

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot to ask one important question, and it froze the grin on her face.

Something so small but so important to the culture she grew up in – even stricter than normal for her, a woman of such a fine family line. Something so small, so ridiculous even, but not dismissible and it had haunted her only in its current form in peaceful times. There had been no time for it before, not when her life took plunges – I will be a mage, a scholar dedicated to study and magic to We may not be alive tomorrow and onwards through We are alive and building a new home.

She stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Before that, she had only been haunted by regret and bitterness, and the memory of sweet whispers, of fingertips and warmth that had turned colder than ice. Both of them young and foolish, knowing they were as good as betrothed – it would only be a few words away, the match was suitable even in a politician's eye – but duty called him, and magic her. And then he turned into the greatest evil to walk Azeroth, barring Archimonde and his ilk.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

this shit is so fucking long and it doesn’t say anything new. there are three different paragraphs talking about “before” but it’s not for emphasis and it doesn’t provide any new information. if i were the editor, i would do this:

HAHAHA OH HOLY SHIT I GOT ON MY LAPTOP AND THIS WAS THE LAST THING ON MY CLIPBOARD HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

anyway my edit would be like

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot[en] to ask one important question[.] and it froze [T]he grin on her face [froze].

Something so small but so important to the culture she grew up in – even stricter than normal for her, a woman of such a fine family line. Something so small, so ridiculous even, but not dismissible and it had haunted her only in its current form in peaceful times. There had been no time for it before, not when her life took plunges – I will be a mage, a scholar dedicated to study and magic to We may not be alive tomorrow and onwards through We are alive and building a new home.

She [blankly] stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Before that, she had only been haunted by regret and bitterness, and the memory of sweet whispers, of fingertips and warmth that had turned colder than ice. Both of them young and foolish, knowing they were as good as betrothed – it would only be a few words away, the match was suitable even in a politician's eye – but duty called him, and magic her. And then he turned into the greatest evil to walk Azeroth, barring Archimonde and his ilk.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience[,] to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

like so much of this is just not contributing anything. it’s a fic, we already know who these characters are, and there was already a previous chapter before this detailing jaina’s situation and hyjal and everything else. all of it is really implicit that she forgot to ask thrall if he wanted kids, it doesn’t need the like three paragraphs of Jaina is a Human Female and Expected to Have Children. this isnt an alien species being introduced to us like most couplings in azeroth bring up children as a factor. 

i dunno like i know people write fic for fun but this shit is 100k and when there is this much unnecessary detail it’s hard to see the forest for the trees as it were, and it makes it a slog to get through. i also dont “speed read” because most of my reading has been academic where every single word counts, and part of me feels like it’s disrespectful to the author. like they put these words down to be read, and so i will read them, but that’s also the way i’ve been trained to read.  also since i spent most of my schooling reading stuff like shakespeare or canterbury tales or les miserables you have to stop like every five syllables to look shit up or derive some kind of analysis unless it’s a modern adaptation that doesnt require any “translation” necessarily.  

basically like. writing is fun but editing is important. more people will read your fic when it isn’t 30% filler. and ive complained about it before but like word count doesnt have any fucking bearing at all on the quality of writing. in fact, when i see ship fics that skyrocket to like 150k words in a handful of chapters im like dang bitch you cant write for shit!!! if you cant get across what you wanna say in that amount of words and youre STILL not done it means you gotta pare some shit down. 

it’s why i prefer writing over talking EVERY time because i KNOW i ramble irl. and in a casual setting like this, a blog post, i of course will ramble here too. but in writing??? writing that people read? everything you write should convey something and drive your story forward. every sentence you type is communicating something. if you get through the whole paragraph and all you can extract from it is “jaina realizes motherhood is a possibility again”, it needs to say something more. i mean this is all just my opinion but like it’s so important to the tone of your writing.

i remember when i was reading the shining, and early on in the story jack is being instructed in the boiler room. and the attendant or janitor or whatever you’d call him goes on for a HUGE block of text of all the mechanisms and step-by-step explains each and every facet of the machinery, how to use it, what it’s for. there aren’t even indents in the paragraph. and then it mentions off-handedly how jack was giving quick responses like “yup”, “uh-huh”, shit like that. i mean it’s been a few years since i read it so im paraphrasing. but that part of the book stood out to me because it was so immersive. the way it was written and the way the information was being relayed was specifically to bore the reader, to put them in jack’s position, and also maybe intimidate them a little bit. and of course it was foreshadowing, too, when later in the story jack is struggling with the boiler, and i actually went and flipped back to the instructions earlier in the book to review what jack was supposed to do. and then i thought, “boy, i bet jack wished he was me right now, because i have everything all written down!” 

but anyway, like. that’s good writing. that’s using the medium of text to its advantage to communicate on a meta-level how the audience should feel, and that we are all jack in that moment, being told a huge laundry list of shit we have to do—being paid to do, our sole responsibility on this job—and totally mentally checking out. i LOVE jaina, and i LOVE thrall, but the way this fic is written portrays them both as totally spaced out, completely unsympathetic characters. what i read above isn’t communicating jaina’s trauma to me; it sounds condescending, like she’s such an air-headed dim bulb that she forgot to ask her new husband if he wanted kids.

and the “proposal” was like... extremely awkward? i mean maybe that’s what the author is going for but thrall being basically like “uhh i guess? yeah i guess.” and then it says they talked for an hour but couldnt stay longer than that because they’re both leaders and couldn’t stay away too long. like... i feel like this is supposed to be a pretty important thing? marriage? it’s the setup for the whole fic and it’s played so... underwhelmingly. which i dont feel is intentional.

I KNOW it’s just a fic and i’m being very critical but it’s just like damn everybody bitches about blizzard’s “bad writing” but then nobody steps up to the plate. :\ i dunno how anybody spends so much time reading fanfiction when most of it is such a fucking chore to read. god i hope my story isnt like that.

[kariachi]

Okay, here we go again! Starting with ‘King Coil’! It’s got a snake dude, it has to be fun.

I’m with the kids, put down the banjo Max.

“I’d rather go to a farm full of snakes than-” Is immediately abandoned with his cousin at a reptile-themed tourist trap. Good job, Ben. Also really Max? Really? If they hurt so much as a lizard I’m coming after you.

Aw, a Ben-themed snake, all green and black.

Oh gods, Ben talking himself into a fear of snakes while trying to explain how they are nothing like tentacles. This child

Sorry Ben, this particular snake has claimed the Omnitrix as it’s own. We have no choice but to take it off you and make it the main character now. Here it up for Snake 10!

Stick with the reptiles Ben, the look on her face I’m fairly certain she’ll kill you to avoid Banjo Town

That’s the weirdest snake enthusiast I’ve ever seen, and I know snake enthusiasts

Mortimer! His name is Mortimer! Mortimer 10 for second next series, after Kevin 11! Let them team up! Kevin 11- an entire series about Kevin’s life having been adopted by the critters at Repto Ranch!

Mary Jo Fourfeathers, that certainly sounds like somebody who would name a snake Mortimer

Also yay for assuming someone is here to volunteer! Of course they’re here to volunteer! Why else would you go to a place like this?! (and yes I mean it)

“I think we’re just gonna hang out here” “That’s not what your Grandpa said on the phone.” Max you sly bastard.

She designed a state-of-the-art massive fucking sunlamp system so she could build a giant enclosure in which to keep reptiles. It’s a bad idea in some respects, mostly in that she’s mixing species with vastly different environmental needs, but maybe she planned for that? Plus, it’s a cartoon and I’m fairly certain in a more serious work she’d have done it right. Still, this is a woman after my own heart.

Ben don’t work up the lizards damnit. And behave.

Oh my god that is the derpiest looking noodle I’ve seen in a show in that one tank. First down on the left, all green, derpy as shit.

King Koil, releasing his slithery brethren.

Mary Jo firmly convinced that if the Tennysons get to know some snakes better they’ll like them. Also has a tree full of snakes she is using as decor for a reptile education musical number. Mary Jo Fourfeathers, you are a woman after my own soul. I am officially putting you in my stuff, you glorious queer icon.

(no canon has not yet said she’s queer but come on- cishets aren’t like this)

“Does it have to be a musical?” “Maybe if you’d read a book she wouldn’t have to sing facts at you.”

Are those snakes flying? Is King Koil’s doing or does Mary Jo just keep flying snakes? Did you train them to do this? If anyone could-

And brief cut to Max at Banjo Town to go with the background of banjo music in this song. This is wonderful.

Gwen Tennyson, officially believed reptiles shedding their skins are disgusting, but not as disgusting as Ben’s bunk. It’s canon people.

The snakes are loving this as much as Mary Jo.

This is the most extra thing I’ve ever seen I’m fucking dying

“There must be some way to get you to see the majesty of snakes. I’ll think on it while we feed the komodo dragons.” Let me marry this woman.

King Koil showed up, freed a bunch of snakes, and then took the time Mary Jo was singing to just casually shed his skin.

...okay, those aren’t komodo dragons, they look more like large iguanas, but honestly this show canonically has earth-native dragons so I am totally cool with these being actual baby dragons Mary Jo is tending. Is she their mom? Is she babysitting? Who knows.

Proof Ben requires Greymatter, he’s dumb enough to go for Greymatter when being ganged up on by snakes.

Also I’m glad Gwen listened when told not to hurt the animals

He’s not a reptile darling, he’s an amphibian. Different branch of the tree.

King Koil, speciest against non-reptiles. Also, referred to the Tennysons as ‘you and girl’, which is certainly something new for this series.

Is, is King Koil throwing a hissy because someone other than Mary Jo is at the ranch? Oh my god.

He’s a snake-person, Mary Jo. And I love that you noticed your snakes were upset before you noticed the snake-dude threatening the kids.

Mary Jo sees a snake-dude and immediately loses her fucking mind wanting to know everything from his habits to diet and also to snuggle him (literally, I am paused on a frame of her snuggling his tail she is enraptured.) And at the moment he seems to be confused but also glad somebody likes him.

I love how his standard for being a worthwhile creature is ‘is good to reptiles’, while also hating fucking everybody who isn’t a reptile or Mary Jo (the Only Good Mammal).

Also what are you, King? Lor’s been theorizing you’re half-human half-naga, but really you seem much more snake in your mindset than either of those so far. I’ve still got another episode of you after this one, but.. hm...

Now King, I can���t say I blame you for your world domination urges, reptiles would probably run things better than us mammals have, but cool your jets. You can’t just declare someone you’re future reptile queen, you gotta wine and dine a bitch first. Humans don’t work like snakes do, we need proper and extensive courting. At least bring her a rat or something. Tend her dragon-kids.

“That’s completely bonkers! I’m a scientist not a queen! I wanna help reptiles, not rule them!” She is so offended by the idea of being queen y’all. And King is so fucking confused. Like “I literally just offered you the world and you’re telling me you don’t want it?!”

Did he just shed his skin and gain new limbs? I think he did. Huh.

I like how Mary Jo has not had a single moment of fear in this episode. She is being kidnapped by a snake who wants to make her his queen once he’s taken over the world and given it to the reptiles and her response so far is essentially “Bitch I said no!”

“You have hair? Reptiles are hairless. I should be mad at you, but I’m just so fascinated.” Mary Jo you fucking disaster. I repeat- Mary Jo Fourfeathers for Queer Icon.

Oop, you’re willing to sacrifice her snakes for the greater good, now she’s gonna have to kick your ass herself, King.

Wait, no, she’s too bound up and more concerned with making sure her snakes are out of the way anyway.

Exit, pursued by frilled lizards. Was nice knowing you Ben.

Not entirely accurate, but I’ll let it slide because I’m still not sure what this guy is. Also, ya know, the fact King found nothing suspicious about Mary Jo seemingly floating and was in fact merely confused that she apparently could.

Wow, it’s lucky all those limbs Ben keeps hacking off King regrow...

Ben chases King Koil off, King Koil vows to return for Mary Jo and honestly seems to lament that this didn’t go as planned. Just, dude, you’re not bad looking for a snake-person, find somebody else who’s, ya know, into the whole ruling thing.

Gwen has discovered a love of snakes and now wants one, Ben is still creeped out but less so.

Hold up, she’s got a piece of Koil’s shed and apparently a crown? Is that his crown? No, he still had his crown. Did he come back long enough to leave her a crown? Welp.

Also Morimer is still adorable. Everyone petition for a Mortimer 10 spinoff.

9.999/10, because I said I wouldn’t give 10s until after Kevin’s episode. But this is certainly a favorite so far.

[tomeandflickcorner]

Bonus- Star Wars Re-Watch notes

As a follow-up to the Star Wars reviews I’ve been posting for the past few weeks, I decided to post the notes I made during my re-watches for the movies.  The only movie that isn’t included among these notes will be the ones for Solo.  That’s because I wasn’t able to take notes in the thearte.

Hope you enjoy

Phantom Menace notes-

• I wonder if they’ll ever change the logo to 21st Century Fox. • So this all started with the debate on taxation for intergalactic trades?  Why does this remind me of how the revolutionary war started? • Hah.  Female C3PO. • Why is that catchphrase mostly associated with Han when everybody has had a chance saying it? • If they didn’t want them to be recognized as Jedi, why wouldn’t they go in disguise? • RIP, random unnamed people. • Force Power = Holding your breath for an extended period of time? • Hate to break it to you, Amadala, but I don’t think they’re interested in a peaceful negotiations. • Hi, Jar Jar! • Love that line, Qui Gon. • So, they just happen to be carrying underwater breathing apparatuses?   • If it’s that easy to enter the bubble houses, do many fishes accidently end up in there? • Oh, I love the elaborate fauna that exists in this world! • Did he just knock Jar Jar out with the Force? • How did the Queen manage to change clothes so quickly with the invasion going on? • I’m no expert, but I don’t think a contract is legal if it’s signed under duress. • Haha.  I gotta admit, I love that droid’s sass. • Surprised no one got grazed with all the gunfire. • Hi, R2! • That was a lucky shot. • R2 was catty even back then. • Of course everyone was blown up except for R2. • Lesser of two evils, I guess.  Reminds me of that scene from Avatar: The Last Airbender.  When Zuko and Iroh were trying to decide if they should risk getting caught by Azula or venture into the Earth Kindgom where they were considered enemies. • What’s Darth Maul’s story? • So, what’s the relationship between Naboo people and the Gungans?  Do they normally remain segregated? • Why would R2 be going with them? • Has Anakin never seen a young girl before? • So Watto’s species is naturally smarter than Gungans? • Why would Jar Jar think that a good idea?  Do they not have merchants in Gungan City? • Wait.  So….they can’t send transmissions, but they can receive them without an issue? • How can a protocol droid help his mom?  Especially since she’s a slave? • Also, how would Anakin have the time and resources to build one? • Revenge for what? • So you’re saying only Force-sensitive people can participate in Pod Races?  Or are humans usually less agile than other species? • Hang on.  So Watto enters this kid into the Pod Races, but he won’t let him build his own racer? • Great, a Jesus kid. • So, only Padmé cares enough to help free him from the jet engine thing? • How’d he get cut again? • Ah, the Midichlorian thing. • So, has Darth Maul been visiting every planet systematically?   • So, who’s Ani’s friend?  Why would he have come to the race when the other kids didn’t? • So. I’m guessing the main languages of Tattoine are Huttanese and Basic? • Hmm.  Are those flags representing the racers’ native planets? • What a dirty cheater!  He’s that threatened by this one kid, or is doing that to all the other racers? • Who’s the other Hutt with Jabba?   • And now we commence with the boredom. • Wait, was that Willow? • The Tuskin Raiders must be pretty bored to be waiting around to shoot at the racers. • What exactly is the route for this race? • Did he just Force Command that loose bit of pipe? • Well, that backfired on Sebulba. • JAWAS! • The Hutts must be pretty scary, if the threat of going to them is enough to get Watto to relent. • What kind of undershirt is that, anyway?  It looks like it’s made of sticks • Why were they running?  Did they know they were being chased? • Another small hint of who Padmé really is. • Why would she need to remember him?  Was it specifically stated they’d be parting ways? • You’ve known each other for three days.  Why would they care for each other already? • Did Jar Jar just comment on the Queen’s attractiveness? • Another costume change? • I like Mace Windu. There’s just something about him that puts you at ease. • He’s not as awesome as Yoda, though. • Is that Padmé or the decoy? • How old do you have to be to become a Jedi?  Do you have to be a toddler? • Never understood how fear could lead to anger.  Like, what if you’re afraid of leeches?  Or Vermicious Knids?  How would that fear lead to anger? • Awww.  They should have gone with Bali of Alderaan.  He’s a cool guy! • So, is Palpatine a native of Naboo? • Oh, is this where Obi Wan got the whole Point of View thing from? • How many times does this Queen change outfits? • What a twist! • So, the Gungans are basically canon fodder? • Is that the same technology they used to make the bubble city?  What exactly keeps the blaster fire out but lets actual people in? • Is that really the best hiding place Anakin could find? • Yeah, ‘I’ll try to override it,’ he says.  While reaching for the helmet.  He’s totally doing this on purpose. • Who keeps designing these places with walkways over gaping pits?  And not including railings?  Seems like a pretty stupid architectural flaw. • Yeah, but you can still go back to the planet while staying in the cockpit.  Just saying • What’s the purpose of these timed forcefields in this room?  Why were they installed in the first place? • What’s that supposed to do, dude? • Yeah, that’s a death.   • Why do we never see blood in these movies? • And of course the camera focuses on him when that question is asked. • What exactly is that static light ball?

Attack of the Clones Notes-

• So, basically, a bunch of planets are declaring themselves independent from the Republic?  Why does this sound like how America declared independence from Britain? • Hi, R2! • Wow!  Spoke too soon, dude! • Ah, so Padmé is still using decoys.  RIP, Decoy Lady. • Hmm.  Is Yoda suspicious of him?  That look he gave Palpatine just now… • So it’s been ten years since Phantom Menace? • Oh, Anakin.  Stop flirting with her. • Um…it might not be a smart idea to have this argument in front of them?  Just a suggestion. • Anakin’s attraction to Padmé seems very creepy to me.  He met her when he was nine.  And they haven’t spoken since then.  That’s not love, that’s obsession. • How’s that for a wake-up call? • Haha.  ‘You’ll be the death of me.’  Nice foreshadowing, movie. • The Death Sticks scene. Classic. • Yeah, Jedi Masters.  I respect you and all.  But it’s probably a bad idea to send the hormonal 19 year old to act as bodyguard to his crush. • Shut up, Anakin.  You could use a healthy dose of humility. • You’re not grown up!  You’re 19 years old! Talk to me in 10 more years. • So, what’s the story behind Obi-Wan’s friendship with this Dax character? • Wait.  If Droids could think?  Is Obi-Wan racist against Droids? • Was that a sex joke? • Well, aren’t we overly confident, Librarian Lady? • Wow.  Seems like everyone is racist against Droids. • Yoda, I love you. • So they really needed a kid to point out that the information about this planet was erased from the archives?  That doesn’t say much for the adults in the Jedi order. • So on Naboo, the Queen is more of a president? Serving a few terms and then stepping down to allow a new ruler step in? • Is this the new Queen of Naboo? • Oh, Anakin.  Shut up.  You’re kinda unlikable. • That’s right, Obi-Wan.  Play along.  Don’t let them know you’re completely in the dark. • Padmé, how can you be seriously charmed by him?  He’s being really creepy. • Ah.  A bounty hunter is here.  And you’re looking for a bounty hunter.  Coincidence? • Suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that these clones look like Stormtroopers? • Are they really swapping first kiss stories? • You’re talking about a dictatorship.   • And Padmé is on the same page as me. • PADMÉ!  THE WARNING BELLS AREN’T GOING OFF IN YOUR HEAD AFTER THAT REMARK?!  HOW TIGHT IS THAT BRAID OF YOURS?  I THINK IT’S CUTTING OFF THE BLOODFLOW TO YOUR BRAIN! • Yep.  There’s the bounty hunter’s armor. • Am I supposed to ship these two?  Cause I really don’t. • So. This order was made ten years ago.  Right after the end of the last movie, perhaps? • You’re telling me that Anakin never was allowed to visit his mother at all in the past 10 years?  I know Jedi mandate means you have to let go of your past, but come on. • Hello again, Watto. • Saturn Planet!  Saturn is my favorite planet. • Baby Boba Fett is a very violent child.  Laughing when he thinks his father just killed a Jedi. • Who finished building C3-PO? • Ah.  Young Owen and Beru.   • Why exactly would Tuskin Raiders abduct a woman?  For what purpose? • Padmé is still changing her wardrobe in every single scene.  Where does she get all her clothes?  Does she have a team of seamstresses following her everywhere and making these things for her? • Cameo of the Jawas. • So these are the Separatists. • Oh, of course she doesn’t die until right after Anakin gets there. • Ooooh.  Darth Vader theme. • Anakin, everything must die someday.  It’s the natural order of things. • Sooo…..no concern over how he just confessed to committing genocide, Padmé? • Who do the other two graves belong to? • So it’s Padmé’s fault Anakin is defying the Jedi Council. • So Count Duku was the Jedi who taught Qui-Gon? • Well, the Jedi didn’t sense Darth Maul before he appeared before them.  So it’s not that impossible that Darth Sidious eluded detection, too.  Just saying. • So, what does Yoda think about Palpatine getting these supreme powers? • At least the décor for this epic battle scene makes sense.  They’re in a robot manufacturing factory. • R2 can fly now?  When did that become a thing? • How do you know R2 is always getting into trouble, 3PO?  You’ve spent next to no amount of time with him outside of Tatooine. • You cut that a little close, R2. • Gotta admit.  First time I saw this movie, I thought this was going to be how Anakin lost his hand. • Wow.  So, we’re about to die.  Now will be the perfect time to admit I’ve been falling in love with your creepy, obsessive personality. • Obi-Wan’s sass is delightful. • Oh, I LOVE the creatures in this world!  And I really want a pet Nexu. • Smart move, Padmé. • Another Force Power- the ability to tame animals.  Awesome. • Mace Windu is awesome. • Ouch!  Yeah, that’ll leave a mark! • 3PO really is pointless. • Perfect timing, Yoda.  You’re the best. • Um… Is Daddy Bounty Hunter’s head still inside his helmet?  Baby Boba Fett is going to have quite the job scrubbing the blood off the interior • Death Star blueprints! • Does Yoda sense something? • You kinda asked for that, Anakin.  Only fools rush in. • Why do they never bleed when they lose a limb? • YEAH!  GO YODA! • So Yoda taught Dooku, who taught Qui-Gon, who taught Obi-Wan. • And Dooku escapes, despite everyone’s best efforts. • Imperial March theme! • Still don’t get why Padme fell for this creep.

Clone Wars notes-

• Ha!  Text crawl! • Oh, no text crawl • What is this?  A documentary announcer? • Jabba the Hutt has a son? • Why is it always Obi-Wan and Anakin?  Oh, right- they’re the main characters. • What was it Mace Windu said about Jedi?  That they were keepers of the peace and not soldiers?  That’s sure changed.  Obi-Wan is a general now. • Wait.  Did Obi-Wan say he got a new Padawan?  I thought you could only have one Padawan at a time.  That’s what they said in Phantom Menace. Isn’t Anakin still Obi-Wan’s Padawan? • Wait, she’s Anakin’s Padawan?  How?  I thought only Jedi Masters could train Padawans.  Since when is Anakin a Jedi Master? • How old is Ahsoka Tano supposed to be?  Anakin is saying she’s too young to be a Padawan.  But he was nine when he started training under Obi-Wan. • Jedi don’t run?  That seems like a dumb rule? • Oh, Obi-Wan.  You’re kinda extra, aren’t you? • How does it feel to deal with such an impulsive, headstrong Padawan, Anakin?  Now you know how Obi-Wan felt. • I just noticed.  Since when does Anakin have a purple lightsaber?  Yeah, his lightsaber broke in Attack of the Clones, but….didn’t he have a blue one in Revenge of the Sith? • And Anakin is still a jerk. • Does Anakin have a grudge against the Hutts?  Considering he lived on Tatooine…. • Wow.  That’s brutal! • Hmm...  I kinda like this background music. • Aw, a Pink Astromech droid with R2?  I ship it! • Too bad you never learned the lesson about humility, Anakin. • Is the protocol Droid Jabba’s utilizing the one we saw being ripped apart in Return of the Jedi? • So who’s this lady? • We still have an hour left?  What more is there to say?  They found the Baby Hutt. • Oh, that’s a diabolical move, Dooku.  Framing the Jedi for the son’s kidnapping. • Does Baby Hutt speak yet?  If so, he’d be able to set the record straight to his father. • Wilhelm Scream! • Why does he call her Snips?  I think I missed the reasoning for that nickname. • Props to this guy.   That was a brave move. • Do they know Mystery Lady? • Captain Rex is pretty cool. • I guess Baby Hutt physiological system isn’t compatible to this planet.  Is that why he’s sick? • Seriously, who is this Vestris person? • Okay, I know the Soldier Droids are the bad guys, but they’re hilarious. • RIP to those guys. • Well, that some getaway. • Wow, she’d make a good babysitter. • Ohhhh.  He was remembering how the Tuskin Raiders killed Shmi, wasn’t he? • Wow.  So you’re claiming that Baby Hutt is dead now? You’re gonna look mighty silly when he shows up alive and well. • Oh, hi, Padmé.  I didn’t think you’d appear in this movie. • Did R2 complain like that the first time he went to Tatooine?  Just saying, he’s been there twice before.  By now, you’d think he’d be used to it. • Wow!  They’re playing a different song? • Hey, who’s this voice actor?  He sounds familiar. • Well, that didn’t accomplish anything. • Oh, don’t get Anakin started on sand, Ahsoka. • Ah, maybe that scene wasn’t so pointless. • Oh.  Uncle Hutt is helping Dooku.  Now it makes sense. • How are you going to get out of this one, Padmé? • Hehe.  I like Baby Hutt. • Ah.  So 3PO now hangs around with Padmé the way R2 hangs around with Anakin.  I find that interesting since 3PO later sticks with their daughter and R2 is closest to the son. • I knew it!  He sent Ahsoka ahead with Baby Hutt. • R2, I think Ahsoka could use a little bit of help. • Oh, I was gonna say.  I didn’t think 3PO would have come here on his own.   • Doesn’t Anakin speak Huttnese?   Why didn’t he react until after the translation? • Kinda ironic.  Anakin helps save Jabba’s son, and Anakin’s daughter will eventually kill Jabba.

Revenge of the Sith notes-

• Huh.  Another kidnapping plot • Kinda like how Obi-Wan has kept R4 as his signature Droid. • Um… you might want to keep it down, Obi-Wan.  R2 is still in enemy territory. • Why is Anakin listening to him?  The fact that he’s ordering the death of someone without a trial isn’t very befitting of someone who claims to be a fan of democracy • Again with the Tusken Raider sounds.   • Why isn’t Palpatine’s attitude making Anakin suspicious? • Wilhelm Scream! • Well, that was a conveniently placed open door in the elevator shaft. • Where did this Grievous guy come from, anyway?  They pretty much introduce him out of nowhere. • I just thought.  Where did R4 go?  Did I miss that? • Oh, I guess she was destroyed during that gunfight.  Shame. • Didn’t Obi-Wan try to discourage Anakin from getting too chummy with the politicians? What changed his mind? • Okay, I don’t ship these two, but I admit.  I can appreciate the situation they’ve found themselves in with this pregnancy • Ugh.  This sappy dialogue.  Gag. • So Padmé is planning to go in ‘vacation’ for a few months? • Wise words from Yoda.  Shame he wasn’t there after Shmi died. • Again, why isn’t Anakin’s attitude about less democracy causing more concern? • Since when does Palpatine need to be represented on the Jedi Council? • Yeah, Anakin isn’t a Jedi Master.  So why was he given a Padawan in the Clone Wars series? • Can we get that story?  The one that shows how Yoda is on good relations with the Wookiees? • It’s treason to spy on the Chancellor? Well, wasn’t he basically asking you to spy on the Jedi Council? • Oh, he’s a good man, is he?  Yeah, he only told you to kill Count Dooku in cold blood and then expected you to leave Obi-Wan to die.  Yeah, he sounds LOVELY. • Oh, NOW you’ve considered the possibility that you misinterpreted the prophecy? • I like how Padmé is also having her doubts.  Because the Republic has become more of a dictatorship than a democracy. • And no one is going to point out how that statement about being unable to let go of their power might apply to this guy?  The one who stayed in office longer than he was supposed to? • That sounds horrible.  Preventing people from dying. • Let me guess.  You were that apprentice, weren’t you? • Ugh.  The Wookiee roars. • Was that a Tarzan yell? • Does Obi-Wan know they’re secretly married? • Dracula alien? • Oh, I want one!  I want the bird lizard! • Nice.  Four lightsabers. • What was up with the camera zoom into the eyes?  Never do that again, movie! • Okay, so Palpatine isn’t even pretending he hasn’t studied the Force anymore. • Oh.  That was….a bit anti-climactic. • Okay, Anakin is doing the right thing here, reporting to Mace Windu. • Can they sense each other?  Is that’s what they’re trying to convey? • Welp, RIP to those guys. • Aw.  I liked Windu.  Booo. • Awww.  Yoda is sensing this. • Really hope Lizard Birdie survived that fall.  He seemed so nice! • Yep.  Yoda is really feeling it now! • Sorry, dude.  Yoda doesn’t go down that easily. • Oh, hi Bail!  Did Padmé send you? • Shame this kid didn’t make it.  He had guts, taking them all on at once. • So Chewbacca was around even back then.  I wonder what a Wookiee’s lifespan is. • Hey, don’t leave out the fact that the Chancellor is a Sith!   • Great line from Padmé. • Yoda’s already checked the security footage, hasn’t he? • I really get the feeling Obi-Wan already knew they married in secret. • Oh, so NOW she’s hearing the things he’s saying. • YEAH!  I love Yoda!  He’s awesome! • Okay, this scene is pretty heartbreaking, I will admit. • So, how far along is Padmé supposed to be?  If Padmé is visibly pregnant, did anyone ever wonder who the father was? • Yeek, Anakin is a stubborn one.  Burned alive and he hasn’t died yet? • Hi, Luke and Leia. • Nice POV shot there. • RIP, Padmé. • Oh, NOW you care about Padmé?  Didn’t seem that way when you were keeping her in a Force Chokehold • Okay, I get why they want to keep the twins hidden, but…. isn’t that kind of obvious, to send Baby Luke to his father’s stepbrother?  Granted they only met once, but…..you’d think that would be an obvious place. • So R2 didn’t get his memory erased.  Meaning he remembers ALL of this! • Awesome how they’re playing everyone’s theme songs over this sequence. • And I love this final shot.  Great way to end it.

Rouge One notes-

• Planet! • A Saturn-like planet! • I can’t remember.  Do they ever explain the significance of that crystal pendant? • Okay, I get that Lyra loves her husband and all, but why would she run out like that?  It seemed like they had this whole escape plan worked out.  Besides, she had a responsibility to be there for her child. • Well, I guess she figured this bloke would be there to step in, but still! • And now Jyn is in jail.  For what, exactly? • Ring of Kafrene.  This trading post place is on an asteroid, from the looks of it.  How do they maintain a breathable atmosphere? • Kyber Crystals? • Well, that was kinda a jerk move. • This planet is called Jedha?  Is the fact that it kinda sounds like Jedi relevant.  Based on that fallen statue, was this the site of a sacred Jedi temple? • I wonder what these other guys’ stories are…? • Okay, so they came here specifically to get Jyn?  How did they know she was there? • Hi, K2S0!   • So this is Yaven 4, right? • Wow, they got a good replacement for Mon Motha.  She looks just like the original actress! • Bail Organa!  Why did they give you the Luke theme just now? • And was that the other Rebel leader?  The one who briefs everyone before the battle of the First Death Star? • Hi, Tarkin.  RIP, Peter Cushing. • Ah, so this is the site of an old Jedi temple? • Okay, but what do you plan to do when you find out that he’s not lying, dude? • Hey, those are the guys from Mos Eisley!  Are they currently on their way to Tatooine?  Considering what happens to this planet in a couple hours…. • So, what’s this guy’s story?   I get he was once a guardian of the Jedi Temple, but….was he Force Sensitive but just didn’t have a Jedi to train him?  Because I’m guessing he sees through the Force. • Where’d she learn to fight like that? • Nice fake out. • Seriously, you can’t tell me this guy isn’t Force Sensitive! • Really wish we learned out how these two guys met. • Haha!  ‘Are you kidding me?  I’m blind!’  I love the humor in this movie. • Okay, I get you were trying to keep her safe.  But it was a jerk move that you went about it that way.  You could have at least been honest about why you were sending her away. • So, according to this movie, the Death Star has a ‘volume’ button of sorts. • I’m guessing these six are the only people who made it out of the area alive? • I wonder.  Did Yoda and Obi-Wan sense this event through the Force? • Ah, can’t do it, can you? • Dude!  That was uncalled for!  He just told you they had nothing to do with it! • How was this guy not initiated into the Jedi order? • This is actually pretty good social commentary on what war does to soldiers, and the dangers of following orders blindly. • Does Vader live on Mustafar now?  You’d think he’d prefer to keep off this planet considering he believes this is where Padmé died. • Okay, I’m a bit confused.  They want to keep the Death Star a secret.  So how was it a good idea to destroy an entire planet roughly a week later? • Well, you’ve done a 180, Jyn.  Just a short time ago, you were content to just live with your head in the sand. • Aw, Bail Organa.  Wanting to contact Obi Wan again.  Shame you had to remain on Alderaan. • Hehe. ‘Are we blind?!’ • Probably a weird thing to comment on, but why do only the Imperials have Mouse Droids?  Why doesn’t the Rebellion have any? • Maybe because you’re a blabbermouth, 3PO?   • Nice that their arc has been completed; her giving him the blaster. • Gotta say, Cassian.  That was pretty stupid, calling him on the comlink at that precise moment.  If he closed the door, don’t you think there might have been a good reason? • Hyperspace Tracking?  Really?  If they had eliminated that file when they did…. • Then again, there’s probably a copy on another planet.  Considering this base will be destroyed in a few minutes….. • RIP, K2-SO.  You were the best. • Same to you, Chirrut.   • That thing was straight out of a video game! • Wow, that IS a cool move! • That’s one chilling image. • Kinda satisfying that this punk can see his death coming. • So, I’m a bit confused.  Was Leia among the ships converging around Scarif?  I thought she was supposed to go fetch Obi-Wan.  Did she just decide to take a detour first?

A New Hope notes-

• This text crawl is even cooler now that we know the details of Rouge One. • Wait, this text says Leia is heading home.  But wasn’t she going to Tatooine to fetch Obi-Wan?   Though I realize George Lucas hadn’t ironed out the details yet. • Always wondered what the story was with that other Protocol Droid.  The White 3PO. • How were they not hit while crossing the hallway? • Wasn’t R2 just with 3PO?  How’d he manage to distance himself long enough to meet up with Leia? • Hey, they mentioned the mines on Kessel! • What kind of insult was that?  What part of his statement warranted calling him a philosopher? • Pretty ballsy of Leia there, considering her ship just left Scarif. • Oh, shut up, 3PO.  You haven’t even traveled that far. • Eh, forget about him, R2.  You don’t need that whiny prissy pants.  He’s useless. • Jawas!  You know, I kinda wonder what they look like without those cloaks. • Well, that’s a convenient coincidence that they were both picked up by the same Jawas, despite going in different directions. • How does 3PO not know Leia?  Is the restraining bolt altering his memory? • And how would you know that, Beru?  Didn’t you only meet Anakin once in your life? • I never noticed how odd these scene transitions were. • What kind of a noise was that? • What? Since when did Anakin make any mention about wanting his son to have his old lightsaber? • So Palpatine has eliminated the Senate altogether? • Wait, he constructed it?  I thought the credit to that went to Galen and Krennic?  Who’s this clown? • Isn’t the Death Star already operational? • Yeah, so dangerous I won’t even bother going with you to assist you with my considerable powers. • Never quite understood what that orb thing was supposed to do. • I just thought.  Why did Luke not know about the Force until Obi-Wan told him when practically everyone else had a conscious knowledge of it?  Did his uncle purposely keep him in the dark? • So, what was this guy’s problem?  And how did they get off Jedha before it went boom? • Corillia mention.  Kinda cool how that ended up being Han’s home planet. • So the orb was a mind probe? • This scene seems pointless.  Didn’t the Greedo scene cover all of this?  Not to mention how Jabba is too small in comparison to how he looked in Return of the Jedi. • And it’s way too soon for Boba Fett to appear. • Didn’t they already buckle themselves in?  Kinda silly that they unbuckled again to visit the cockpit. • Yeah…. Weren’t they supposed to keep the Death Star from being noticed? • I wonder if Obi-Wan sensed the destruction on Jedha and Scariff, too. • Isn’t the exact same way Chewbacca lost against Tobias? • Luke, you didn’t even hear about the Force until a few hours ago. • What was with that smile, Obi-Wan?  Do you know something? • Heh.  Vader starts gesturing AFTER he’s done talking.  Bad dubbing work? • Interesting how everyone associated that statement with Han when everyone has said it. • Does Chewbacca know Obi-Wan was allies with Yoda?  We did see him and Yoda were pals during the Clone Wars. • I want a mouse droid. • And Vader senses Obi-Wan’s presence. • How does Leia know Obi-Wan goes by Ben now? • Well, him and the Emperor…..  Tarkin knows Palpatine can use the Force, too, right? • And Han just had to through in a loud yell as he jumped, didn’t he? • It’s just his imagination?  Then what made that sound, genius? • I can’t believe that worked!  Maybe it’s because of the whole Droid discrimination? • Huh.  So those guys walking past in the background obviously have no peripheral vision. • Yeesh, Leia.  Weren’t you on the Senate?  I hope you didn’t insult all other non-humanoid species like that. • Wilhelm Scream! • So Luke just happens to have a tether cord on his belt? • Hey, who’s that other Astromech Droid? • This lightsaber battle is kinda boring when you remember their last battle had them surfing down a river of lava. • Does anyone else find it strange how Luke didn’t seem shocked by hearing Obi-Wan’s disembodied voice? • Heh.  Gotta admire Leia’s decorum.  She could have easily been all ‘oh, boo hoo, the guy you met yesterday died.  It’s not as if your entire planet got blown up.’ • Big explosion for a one-man ship. • How on the world did you get all tangled up like that, 3PO? • Hey, don’t act like the Millennium Falcon can’t be tracked, Han.  Enfrys Nest was able to track it, remember? • Didn’t you already know about the weak spot, Leia?  Or are you still having doubts about Galen’s trustworthiness? • That was a pointless atmosphere shot. • Zebra Astromech Droid! • Kinda low-key disappointed we didn’t get a better idea of the friendship between Luke and this Biggs person. • Oh.  Calling the fat guy Porkins.  That was in poor taste. • Should have stayed on target. • Pride comes before a fall, Tarkin. • RIP, Biggs.  We hadly knew thee. • I wonder when Vader starts to suspect that this might be his son….. • I wonder what made Han change his mind.  Did he just decide he couldn’t ignore his conscience?   • Did he just call her Carrie? • I wonder who loaned Luke that outfit, considering he only came here with the clothes on his back. • So why doesn’t Chewbacca get a metal, too? • And the movie tries to create tension by not revealing R2 is okay right away…..

Holiday Special notes-

• Pretty sure this opening text crawl was added in by Star Wars fans and wasn’t part of the original broadcast. • Jumping right into the action with Han and Chewbacca evading Star Destroyers. • This introduction segment makes it look like this is going to be a Star Wars-themed variety show.   Well, if the shoe fits…. • I don’t remember most of these celebrities. • I want to know who decided against including subtitles in the scenes focusing on Chewbacca’s family. • Gotta say, it’s kinda hilarious.  This is supposed to be a holiday.  And they’re not letting the kid enjoy himself.   • Wait.  Do the Wookiees have garbage men on their planet? • Since when do they have cameras in the Star Wars universe that could enable them to have framed photographs? • Hey, the holographic chess board! • And the first pointless segment- Holographic acrobat parade. • And they’re giving the kid more chores.  I thought it was a holiday on the Wookiee planet.  Let the kid enjoy himself! • And Luke makes his cameo. • When did Luke meet these guys, anyway?  And why does he have to do maintenance on his own ship?  Doesn’t the Rebel Alliance have people for that? • Hey, if you’re not going to pay attention to R2’s warnings, you shouldn’t have asked him to keep an eye on the ship. • Well, that’s what you get for not listening to your Droid! • So….off-duty Imperials continue to wear their Imperial attire when they’re off the clock? • The Imperial guy couldn’t see right through that obviously coded message? • And they’re just recycling footage that never made it into the movie. • Okay, so are you going to stop forcing the kid to do chores? • Oh, no.  We’re getting a cooking show now. • I wonder what the rates are for shipping Bantha meat to other planets. • Stir, whip, stir, whip, whip, whip, stir.  WAAAAH! • How many arms does this cooking transgender lady have? • And back to Han and Chewbacca. • Now back to the Wookiees. • Why are you pronouncing Kashyyyk that way, guy? • Oh, it’s that merchant bloke. • Well, maybe they let you through because your ship wasn’t seen joining the attack against the Death Star. • Oh, goody!  He got me something electrical that I have to put together myself!  Exactly what every kid wants! • Oh, dear.  This segment. • They were aware that kids would be watching this, right?  I wonder how many parents went nuts and quickly changed the channel upon hearing what this woman was saying. • Is Grandpa Wookiee doing what I think he’s doing? • And she just starts singing.   Well, I guess it’s better than the….alternative.  They had to keep this Rated G, after all. • Oh, and we got Leia and 3PO. • How does everyone know Chewbacca’s family? • You can understand Chewbacca but not Mala? • Finally, 3PO is being useful!  Too bad he couldn’t act as translator through the rest of the special • Even though I’ve just met you, old man, I trust you! • I notice they never really explain what Life Day is. • FAKE OUT! • Oh.  The Nazi undertones are just seeping through the screen at this point. • And a Jefferson Starship music video. • And this is actually keeping the Imperials’ attention. • Well, then you’re a lousy general, guy.  If you can’t always control your men…. • Wait.  So you’re telling me someone makes animated cartoons about the members of the Rebel Alliance in this world? • Ah, a new planet.  Pannah. • Is that the Purplesaurus Rex? • And Boba Fett • Who puts a sleeping virus on an amulet? And why were they after the amulet in the first place? • What, he can’t even watch his cartoons? • Well, this is convenient, that the Droids can intercept a transmission that’s being made miles away. • No, he’s not Vader’s right-hand man.  He’s a bounty hunter.  So Vader just hired him. • They have stuffed animals of Banthas in this universe?  Wow. • Really?  We get an instruction video now? • So this world has Droids and Androids?  How come this is the only time we see an Android? • Maybe this is why.  Androids keep malfunctioning and breaking down. • Ah, more recycled footage. • Is this really required viewing for all Imperials? • Hi, Bea Arthur. • Does this guy have a volcano in his head? • And he has six fingers. • Oh, this guy.  Under normal circumstances, he’d be a bit of a jerk.  He’s the guy who thinks the waitress/cashier/etc. is flirting with him by simply being friendly, as per her job’s requirements. • Is there really that much Rebel activity on Tatooine for them to impose a curfew on the whole planet? • Bea Arthur sings! • Oh. Volcano Head stayed! • Dang it, Kid!  You can turn that thing off now! • Too late. • And he doesn’t immediately shoot the kid? • Ah, now Chewbacca and Han show up. • Wow, were Mama and Grandpa just standing around when Lumpy was being chased by the Stormtrooer? • Oh, this guy again. • What do you plan to do when they find the body? • What are they doing? • Now they’re in Snuggies? • Where are they? • Oh, no.  It’s an entire Wookiee choir! • Wait, where did all of you guys come from!? • Han, didn’t you just go back to the Falcon? • Do the other Wookiees even know who these guys are? • Tree of Life?  What are you….? • Oh.  Carrie Fisher is singing. • Chewbacca looks dead! • And random footage from A New Hope, reminding us we could have been watching a better movie. • It’s still going? • Okay, Chewbaca.  You and your family enjoy your invisible holiday dinner. • Finally!  The end credits!

Empire Strikes Back notes-

• Yeah, the Yaven 4 base was probably compromised anyway, since Vader survived the battle. • Wait, why is Luke leading them now?  Shouldn’t that be Leia’s job? • Ah, so Vader has figured out who Luke is, then?  Wonder what tipped him off?  Shame we couldn’t see his reaction to that. • Hmm.  I wonder how Luke adjusted to being on this ice planet, considering he spent his entire life on a desert world. • Wow, Tauntan Creature.  You couldn’t have warned him sooner? • I see you, movie, with you keep cutting to Leia so we can see her reaction to Han telling that other guy that he’s leaving. • Hehe.  I wonder what all those other random people were thinking as they passed by.  ‘Oh, boy, are those two at it again?’ • And when it comes to loyalty, Han gets top marks. • Well, that was convenient, that his lightsaber didn’t fall off before they reached the cave. • Didn’t Qui-Gon instruct you?  Well, I guess Yoda technically instructed you, too, as he taught you about Force Ghosts. • Aw, it’s Rouge Two.  *sniff* • So what earned this guy the prestige of being Rouge Two? • Ewwww.  George Lucas did know about the twist involving these two by this point, didn’t he?  If so, double ewwww. • Dang it, Chewbacca!  Why’d you have to alert the Probe Droid to your presence? • What were you going to say, Luke?  It looked like you were getting ready to say something. • So he can Force Choke Hold someone through a transmission.  Wow, that’s actually impressive. • So it’s official now.  R2 predominantly stays with Luke while 3PO is virtually claimed by Leia.  Interesting how the twins claim the droid the parent of the same gender had. • How did the Falcon get this damaged in the first place? • Would have been nice if they were able to tell us what R2 was saying.  Considering Basic uses a different alphabet. • I really do wonder if Han WAS secretly Force Sensitive . • Ah, our first hint of what Vader looks like without the helmet. • Yeah, you pretty much walked into that one, Leia. • Oh, and Tatooine wasn’t a strange place to find a Jedi Master? • So, obviously, Yoda knows who Luke is.   Meaning he’s acting like this to get an idea of his true nature.  But what about R2?  Wouldn’t he be able to recognize Yoda? • Ah, unplanned L3 reference. • What was with that third hologram that fizzled out?  Was the ship he was on that one that got hit? • Oh, was this how he figured it out? • Ah, Luke.  You failed Yoda’s first test. • So….that means Mynocks were living in the Space Worm’s stomach? • Why are you taking the weapons?  Yoda just told you that they weren’t needed. • So, obviously this was supposed to be symbolic of the fact that Luke could easily end up like Vader, but I wonder if it was also meant as deeper foreshadowing of who Vader really was…. • Hi, Boba Fett. • So, why exactly is Vader so interested in the Millennium Falcon? • Why does the Lightspeed feature still no work? • Dude, it was working!!!  Why did you give up? • Seriously, Han is really proving how cleaver he is in this movie! • Ah, Boba Fett anticipated that maneuver. • So, have Han and Lando met since the events of Solo? • Yeah, another.  That you didn’t bother to train at all. • I kinda like how we’re slowly but surely seeing Lando’s growing turmoil.  A nice lead-up to his final turn to good. • I wonder.  Does Vader recognize 3PO? • Hey!  Someone actually installed railings! • Ice Cream Machine!!!! • So, was that a garbage chute? • What exactly is Luke hanging from? An anti-gravity device? • Well, he probably didn’t think you were ready to know, Luke. • Wonder how L3 feels about the Falcon being piloted by Lando again.

Return of the Jedi notes-

• The Empire really loves their Death Stars, don’t they?  You’d think they would have decided to cut their losses. • Why no subtitles? • They really don’t tell 3PO anything, do they? • Oh, now they give us subtitles! • Wow, that scene was kinda dark. • Ugh, what is this song?  What was wrong with the last one?  Hasn’t Lucas heard that less is more? • Didn’t they say they were putting a restraining bolt on 3PO? • Hi, Lando! • So, with all the changes they made, they couldn’t make that effect look better? • How long were they waiting behind that curtain? • Yeah, how long has it been since the last movie?  Luke’s strength in the Force seems to have gotten stronger. • I wonder.  Does Jabba know he’s looking at the son of the Jedi who helped rescue his kidnapped son during the Clone Wars? • I wonder how long Lando was hiding out in this place.  How many sacrifices to the Rancor has he seen? • Aw, I feel bad for the Rancor keeper. • Well, that was an unceremonious way for Boba to go out • Aw, I REALLY hope Max Rebo got off before that barge blew up! • How is his training now complete?  Was he self-training between movies? • RIP, Yoda. • Oh, now he calls him Obi-Wan?  After he repeatedly referred to him as Ben prior to this scene? • So why couldn’t they inform Luke of his sister before?  I know they wanted to keep Leia’s identity a secret, but they could have mentioned a sister and introduced other potential candidates. • And Lando is a full-fledged Rebel, now? • Oh, Hi Mon Mothma!  Where have you been hiding all this time?  We’ve seen you helped found the Rebel Alliance with Bail Organa.  So why are we only seeing her now? • So, what was with Han’s feeling?  It’s not as if anything happens to the Millennium Falcon during the upcoming battle. • So Luke and Vader can sense each other’s presence, now? • This could be a good ride idea.  Endor speeder bike tour! • And enter the Ewoks! • This is even cuter when you realize Wicket is roughly 6-years-old in Ewok years. • Of course you didn’t sense it, Emperor Palpatine.  You underestimate the strength of family bonds. • What kind of animal was that? • Okay, I get the Ewoks have never seen a Droid before, but why do they think 3PO is a deity? • Hehe.  Luke is so amused by this. • So, they plan on eating the guys, but Leia gets the guest of honor treatment?  Odd. • I don’t get it.  They think 3PO is a god, but they don’t listen when he tells them to release Luke, Han and Chewbacca? • Is 3PO giving a full recap of the last two movies? • How does Leia remember Padmé at all, considering she died when she and Luke were only a few minutes old? • Oh, you’ve always known, Leia?  Then why were you kissing him in the last movie? • Well, would Padmé’s name hold meaning to you? • Bet that Ewok is having the time of his life! • Oh, Lando being clever and figuring it out! • Wow.  That’s a lot of Imperials. • Really?  They think it takes six troopers to capture one Droid? • And now that 3PO has served his purpose, he’s back to being useless and annoying • Ah, so Wedge is still around?  Wonder why he didn’t play a bigger role in the movies other than one of the Rebel Pilots. • You’re telling me none of the retreating Imperials paid any mind to Luke dragging Vader along? • So, who repaired R2? • Ah, the new ending. • Okay, I’m totally okay with showing the other planets.  But I do NOT LIKE this new ending music!  Give me the Yub Nub song! • And get that Haden Christianson Anakin off my screen!  Give me the original Sebastian Shaw Force Ghost!

Ewoks: Caravan of Courage notes-

• Oh, wow.  The old logo for Lucasfilm! • And we have a narrator in this movie? • And there’s a troll. • Are those ponies?   The Ewoks have Ponies, now? • With the narrator, this seems more like a nature documentary on Ewoks. • So this is Wicket’s family, then.  He has a father, mother, two older brothers and a baby sibling. • They have goats, too? • Wait, the little girl is back at the ship?  Then why couldn’t the parents find her before? • Haha.  The Ewoks really don’t like male humans, do they? • Strange bonding scene between the girl and Wicket. • She just said she didn’t feel so good, Mace.  I think it’s obvious she isn’t okay. • Ah, Ewok Slapstick. • Wait, so is this the Tree of Life they mentioned in the Holiday Special? • Mace, probably not a good idea to stick your hand into a strange hole in a tree on an unfamiliar planet. • Yep, that’s what you get! • And now we get a ferret?  Why are all these Earth animals on Endor? • And now, Wicket is learning how to speak Basic? • Cindel, I know you’re a kid, but do the Ewoks look as if they have a starcruiser? • What do you mean, they’re just animals, Mace?  This is the Star Wars universe.  You must have seen other Alien species before.  And the Ewoks are clearly sentient. • Was that a werewolf? • Mace, is it really smart to sneak out in the middle of the night?  You know nothing about this moon, or what kind of nocturnal wildlife there is. • And now you’re building a fire?  Wow, you’re dumb! • Finally! A strange Star Wars creature!  Though the effects are laughable, compared to the Rancor. • And now the Ewoks are there? • So Lokrey the Shamin…can use magic?  Magic exists in the Star Wars universe?  Or is what they’re calling magic actually the Force?  Can Ewoks be Force Sensitive? • The Giant Gorax, huh? • And the other Ewoks speak Basic now, too?  How did they learn to speak Basic so well? • Okay, that was a nice moment.  The Mama Ewok knowing her husband and sons are heading off on a journey they might not return from and reacting to it in an understandable way. • So we got Legendary Ewok Warriors, now? • So Deej and the two older brothers just get winged headdresses?   What purpose would those serve? • Why do you think there’re stopping, Mace?  They’re picking up their final band member. • Ah, a female Ewok.   • So….what was this test supposed to do?  The crystal turns into a lizard and then it’s a mouse?  What did that mean? • And what’s the deal with this lake?  How does it trap people below the surface?  A little context would be nice, Narrator? • And we have a legion of Tinkerbells? • HAHA!  I like that one Ewok.  He just looks around at all the mayhem and decides to just go back to sleep. • So the fairy thing feeds on laughter?  Is that what this supposed to convey? • That’s one powerful blaster to obliterate a rock. • Mace doesn’t recognize a spider web? • Okay, you destroyed the web.  But how do you plan on getting back? • Did the spider survive the fall, or is this a different one? • So, two Ewoks weigh the same as a human? • Nice fake-out, movie. • Yeah, that’s right.  You chopped down the spider web bridge. • So the Tinkerbell thing has a point in the movie. • Well, you got over your sorrow quickly, Mace. • Ah.  So you’re all just going to Tarzan swing across the gorge? • Didn’t the rest of the Fairy Family get absorbed into the candle? • Ugh, what a sappy ending line from Mr. Narrator.

Battle for Endor notes-

• And we open on Cindel and Wicket • Hey, the principal from Breakfast Club! • And Wicket speaks fluent Basic now. • They have school in the Star Wars universe? • And we’re jumping right into the action. • She can turn into a crow? • She seems remarkably calm for someone whose mother and brother died. • Kid, your whole family is dead.  I think it’s okay if you cry a little. • So the Ewoks are putting all their hope in Wicket and a 6-year-old?  (I don’t know how old Wicket is in Ewok years, but I’m guessing he’s still a kid, too.) • And people say the Stormtroopers have horrible aim? • Um…. They’re not the least bit concerned by the pile of loose bones? • So you plan on catching the flying creature on a glider? • And they’re completely unharmed after crashing?  At least have Cindel get some scrapes and abrasions. • And what is this guy supposed to be? • Cindel, you’re way too trusting.  For all you know, this guy could be in league with the guys who killed your family. • Yes, this is a great idea.  Go into someone’s house and immediately start snooping around. • Yeah, I get where this guy is coming from, but he’s not the least bit curious as to why this little kid is all alone? • Dude, they’re the ones who made the muffins! • Heh.  He used reverse phycology just now, didn’t he? • Did I miss the part when they introduced that critter as Teek? • Well, we’re finally seeing Cindel experience some psychological scars. • So, I guess these guys don’t get how technology works and think it’s a magical talisman? • You can make a pie out of flowers? • Also, weren’t you going to go looking for where the Ewoks are being held?  But instead, you go flower picking? • Noa, aren’t you the least bit concerned as to why they’re out in the woods without their parents? • Heh.  Nice callback to the last movie. • And I guess Wicket has completely forgotten all about his family, and how they’re all probably being tortured and killed. • Okay, she can’t sing, but she’s only 6, so it’s okay. • And the Witch Lady found them? • Cindel’s the only one who hears the voice calling her name? • Oh.  I hope that wasn’t a chamber pot. • Oh, now they hear the voice! • Again, Cindel is far too trusting.  I know she’s a kid, but still. • Yeah, how do you explain technology to people who only know about magic? • What exactly was in that water?  Alien Piranha? • Are they playing Sabbec? • Cindel!  Don’t you know when to be quiet!? • Well, that was a clever stunt. • Heh.  I see what you did there, movie.  Nice continuity in hearing the guards crying out when he cut the rope. • Noa, I don’t think it’s your place to put Wicket in charge of the Ewoks.  After all, his parents and brothers are probably there. • And the Ewoks now know how to use space cruiser guns? • Though I do like how the design of the gunner seats are similar to that of the Millennium Falcon.  It finally feels like a Star Wars movie. • Ah.  I guess that one is Deej. • Wow.  Sword vs staff. • Though what is that head carving on Noa’s staff supposed to be?   • Welp, that’s the end of that. • Oh, now Cindel is crying.  She didn’t cry when her family were murdered, but she cries when she’s saying goodbye to Wicket? • So Teek lives with the Ewoks now?

The Force Awakens Notes-

• Yeah, that makes sense.  Enough people looked at what the Empire did and said ‘yes, that was a brilliant idea!’ • Nice effect of the ship obscuring the planet there. • And there’s BB-8. • So, are we supposed to recognize this old man? • I almost commented on how this was the first time we saw blood in a Star Wars film, but I guess we kinda saw blood in A New Hope, when Obi Wan chopped off that guy’s arm. • So, what’s the story with this guy?  I get the feeling he was an old friend of the family.  Did he frequently have dinner with them? • I remember instantly liking this guy.  It’s the first time we saw a Stormtrooper, or any member of the Empire, having a reaction to what they were doing.  (Though the original Stormtroopers were all supposed to be clones of Jango Fett.) • So, was there a big battle on Jakku that we never knew about?  Considering there are all these crashed Star Destroyers lying around. • Wow.  That’s a really cool way to make food. • And an AT-AT Walker, too?  What happened on this planet? • How do people understand the beeps and whistles? • Does Poe know who this guy really is? • I see you cleaned the blood off your helmet. • Think I heard a Wilhelm Scream! • So these guys were raised from infancy, I guess?  Since they’ve only ever had numbers and not actual names. • I guess Luke’s name is even known throughout all of the First Order? • Were these the sinking sands that Rey was talking about? • I wonder how long he’s been walking through the desert. • Was there ever a headcount of how many applauded when the Millennium Falcon first appeared? • That was a risky maneuver! • Anger management, dude! • Also, I notice they mentioned the Falcon is a Corellian freighter.  Not many people acknowledge that. • Hehe.  The thumbs up from BB-8 • Hi, Han and Chewbacca!  Long time, no see! • A Raptar?   • Trillian Massacre? • Also, was there ever a book about how Han lost the Falcon? • Okay, cinematically, I get why these things didn’t eat Finn right away, but why didn’t he get eaten immediately like those other guys? • And they reveal who Kylo is in the middle of the film. • I think you impressed Han, Rey. • Heeee!  The holographic chess board! • This looks like a nice planet to live on! • So he knows Finn isn’t really in the Resistance. • What do you mean, she’s an acquired taste?  I loved Maz instantly! • Has nobody told this punk that Grandpa Anakin/Vader changed his mind and turned against the Dark Side? • So, what exactly triggers this vision of Rey’s?  Is it the fact that Finn leaving is making her remember how she ended up on Jakku? • How did Maz find the lightsaber?  Didn’t Luke lose it on Bespin? • They really love their Death Stars, don’t they? • Did Chewbacca ever use that thing before? • I think there was a book explaining the backstory between Finn and this other Stormtrooper. • Personally, I would have had the reveal that Poe survived be a bit more dramatic • So the Force can knock someone out now? • Ah, the Leia theme! • Oh, shut up, 3PO! • How long has it been since they saw each other? • Why were people apparently in an uproar over Leia not hugging Chewbacca?  She just did! • Awww.  I love the relationship between Poe and BB-8. • R2! • Who is this Snoke, anyway? • Bwaaahaahaa!  Kylo’s actual face looks weird.  This is the kind of face you’d think would be filled with acne. • I wonder what Rey’s Midichlorian count would be. • I LOVE THE STORMROOPERS’ REACTION!!!!! They’re like NOPE! • Hey, it’s Admiral Akbar!  And is that Nien Nunb? • Heh.  I kinda like how Han has become a believer in the Force. • Like that callback to A New Hope. • After all these years, they still use the same red alert sound? • When did Rey learn how to speak Wookiee?  Is it just because of her heightened Force Sensitivity? • Okay, I know that one character is Carrie Fisher’s daughter.  I wonder if she’ll play a larger role in Episode 9…. • Nice touch, showing Leia feeling Han’s death through the Force. • How exactly did they get ahead of them? • Interesting touch.  When the two lightsabers touch, it turns purple.  Nice attention to detail. • So now, the old Luke theme is Rey’s theme? • That’s cool, how she’s using the terrain in the fight. • Wait, why is the planet splitting apart again? • Oh, the fuel cells?  Was that because of Chewbacca’s bombs? • So, what exactly triggered R2 to wake up? • Is that someone’s grave?  Whose is it? • Hello, again, Luke!

The Last Jedi notes-

• The first time the Text Crawl is virtually pointless.  Absolutely no time has passed since the last movie. • Heh.  Is Poe just messing with him?  Ah, yes he is. • Haha.  Nice bit of humor with BB-8. • Okay, I get where Poe is coming from, but I think he’s letting his pride get the better of him here. • Yeah, they scored a victory, but at a cost. • Wow, that was an abrupt way to wake up from a coma. • Was nobody in the medical bay to stop Finn from walking around aimlessly? • Hahaha. • And the Porgs. • I just thought.  What did Luke do with his ROTJ lightsaber?  The one with the green blade?   • Oh, is it inside the submerged X-Wing? • Did Luke not sense Han’s death? • Seriously, did no one tell this guy that Vader turned good in the end? • Well, if you didn’t want to be found, then who created the map? • Oh, is that where the blue milk comes from?  These creatures? • That’s a big fish! • Is this the moment when Luke first realized Rey was Force Sensitive? • That’s a fair question, Luke.  Your sister and everyone else deserves an explanation. • Admiral Akbar! • Well, they did foreshadow this in Rouge One.  They had a file dedicated to Hyperspace Tracking in the Imperial database. • Oh, Leia and Kylo are sensing each other’s presence. • Mouse Droid! • Okay, this is an awkward scene, considering Carrie Fisher’s death. • Super Leia! • Haha!  Chewbacca and the Porgs. • This is a nice reunion! • Love the callback! • So they killed Admiral Akbar off-screen? • I don’t like Holdo. • Okay, first time I saw this, I wondered if that bomber who sacrificed herself was Rose’s girlfriend or something.  But they turned out to be sisters. • Hi, Maz. Bye Maz. • So they can communicate through the Force now? • I like the Caretaker Nuns. • Haha!  Luke, you nerd! • So, this island has a similar area to that cave on Dagobah? • Oh, so that’s why he didn’t sense Han’s death, then? • That is a good question. • Oh!  The rain crossed over! • Space horses! • Tragic backstory unlocked. • HAHAHA! • Luke does have a point.  The Jedi Counsel overlooked quite a lot. • Wait, so this guy could open the cell door at any time? • I can’t be the only one who is reminded of Trico when I see these guys. • So you killed your father because he was holding you back?  Is that what I’ve heard? • It’s like being in one of those mirrored elevators. • What is touching fingers supposed to do? • Yeesh. What a tangled web. • YODA! • Nice bit of wisdom from Yoda. • Wow, this movie is giving me whiplash. • Well, if they’d just TOLD HIM THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!! • Okay, who even was Snoke? • Well, that was anti-climactic. • Dawww.  I want a crystal fox! • Awww, I love Poe and BB-8’s bond. • Millennium Falcon! • Does Chewbacca keep that Porg? • He just said that, dude! • Well, okay for you, girl.  But now everyone’s gonna die! • Okay, that scene is kinda hard to watch, considering…. • Haha.  That was cool! • Oh, NOW you figure that out! • Oh, they’re both sensing Luke dying? • Didn’t they already meet? • And there are the Jedi texts. • So now what?

(Click here to go back to the directory)

[aristotleblinked]

Transformers World Building

@balloonarcade I’ve greatly expanded this from the last time we talked.

@harutemu I was told you’d enjoy this. :)

GEEKERY TIME!

(You can skip to the head canons section, but you’ll be lost if you don’t at least skim this primer!) Radiation. What is it, and how does it work? So, ya got your electromagnetic waves and your particles. Electromagnetic waves are light, but not light we can see. Our eyeballs suck, so we’re blind to anything not on the visible spectrum. Gamma rays, X rays, and UV rays fall under this category. Here is the wikipedia page for your perusal. If you took a look at it, you may have noticed all the rays I mentioned are ionizing rays. Ionizing basically means they have enough energy to break chemical bonds, and knock your atoms out of alignment. They do this by kicking our electrons out of orbit. All the rays travel at the speed of light, because that is literally what they are. Gamma rays can travel great distances, and are the most penetrating of the rays. Favored by hospitals to treat cancer, and sterilize equipment. Gamma rays are usually seen with their posse, the radioactive particles. Alpha, Beta, and Neutron, they can get really wiggly, so wiggly they throw off Gamma light to get rid of the excess energy. Gamma gets around, if you know what I mean.

Gamma rays also hang around cool dudes like lightening, pulsars, neutron stars, and supernovas!

Gamma ray bursts are the brightest, and most powerful events in the know universe. They mark the destruction of a massive star in a hypernova, and the birth of a baby black hole. They release more energy in 10 seconds, than the sun can over its 10 billion year lifetime. Its a million trillion times brighter than the sun, which sounds like a made up number, but is true.

They are thought to have caused a least one mass extinction event that wiped out 86% of the species on earth by shredding our ozone layer.

If one happened close enough to the earth, it would cause a colossal bright flash, people on the ground would have severe burns, and be at risk for gamma radiation to finish them the rest of the way off.

In order to blow up a planet you need to overcome a little something called “Gravitational binding energy”. Gravity is the glue holding all this stuff together, and it’s very strong. It would take a massive amount of energy to destroy earth, a weeks worth of output from our sun in fact. Huh, Flashback //more energy in 10 seconds, than the sun can over its 10 billion year lifetime.\\ Wow, that’d vaporize us many times over! On the bright side it is extremely, extremely unlikely that a Gamma ray burst would hit us head on, and from the right distance to do that.

If a more technologically advanced species managed to weaponize Gamma ray bursts on the other hand.

X rays younger, wimpier sibling of Gamma rays. They’re used to see your bones without removing them first. This is because it can pass through your flesh, but not your bones. There is typically 200cm (6 feet) of concrete around radiation chambers. That stops about 99.99% of the radiation.

Don’t go getting them willy nilly! They are cancer causing, and deadly. They are responsible for half the radiation exposure for people in the U.S. It’s best to only use them as needed

Our Sun’s corona emits mostly X rays. The corona is the millions of kilometers long plasma sweater it wears. It’s also hotter than the surface of the sun.

If you can see an Aurora, then above your head are some X rays. Some space particles bang into our electromagnetic field causing geomagnetic storms. Yes those pretty lights are from particles and magnets fist fighting. Little electrons get lost in the hubbub and crash face first into our ionosphere hard enough that instead of seeing stars, they see X rays. You don’t need to fret though they get eaten by our atmosphere before they can reach us.

FYI if you had x ray vision you wouldn’t be able to see under people’s clothes, you’d be dosing them in dangerous radiation! Oh yeah, the skeleton structure on that one. It’s the only way I evaluate my potential dates, mmkay?

A lot of stuff in space gives of X rays including stars, black holes, comets. X rays gets invited to everybody’s parties.

UV rays also known by their street name ultraviolet ray. This the very same radiation that our sun puts out. Don’t mistake this guy as a friendly. If it wasn’t for our friend, the ozone layer, reflecting and absorbing a good deal of it, it would kill all life on earth. Plants would be wiped in days, you would get a dangerous sunburn in only five minutes, any longer than that and you’d be toast. Which may be the better option, without a food chain, what are you going to eat, rocks?

UV rays would increase to a whopping 650%. Negative side effects include, cancer, blindness, immune system suppression? You can’t win with this guy.

There are levels to them A, B, and C. UVA was thought to be less damaging than the other two, so people used it in tanning booths, and black lights. It turns out Mr. UV has no good side, and it will still cause significant damage to our DNA.

Our buddy the Ozone layer is made up of pure oxygen, which I’m sure doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people, yeah and so is the rest of our atmosphere, what about it?

A common misconception. If all of our atmosphere was oxygen, it would turn into a giant ball of flame the moment someone used a lighter. It’s 78% Nitrogen, so a thick layer of nothing, but oxygen is notable. Earth is one of the few planets that can have a fire at all, because of bacteria who are thought to have produced oxygen, so you need organic life for fires! Oxygen is normally partnered up with other elements, you don’t find this shy cutie on their own.

They’re better as a long distance friend, they’d be smog on the ground, and would suffocate us. Gamma ray bursts are thought to cause Ozone to form on ground level, which is the icing on the cake really, Gamma ray bursts. Why you always gotta be so excessive?

Particles as in subatomic particles. They’re a natural part of radioactive decay. Decay happens when large atomic nuclei notice they are unbalanced, and start shedding these guys like fleas off a dog. Eventually they’ll stabilize, which means they stop being radioactive. The bigger it is at the start the longer it takes, some materials last millions of years.  Don’t underestimate them just because they aren’t as cool as rays, they’re still ionizing. Alpha particles are basically helium gone wild. They are big and heavy. They can travel only for a few centimeters, before they get tired and need a nap.They get stuck in your dead skill cells, and your clothes; they can’t get at your living cells. They’re unlikely to be dangerous, but I wouldn’t suggest eating some of it, that will kill you. Imagine Skyfire trying to fit into a human house, he’s unlikely to manage it, but if transported inside via unnatural means. He’ll destroy the house and everything inside it. Very bad, these guys are no gentle giants. Beta particles are hopped up electrons and positrons. This teeny tiny duo can travel 10 meters away. It’s best to keep your distance, unlike Alpha particles they’ll slide right in you, causing some serious damage. But you can stop it with some aluminum foil.

They are speedy, but they run into a few things, and they get discouraged, and give up. Poor microscopic schmucks.

Neutron radiation is what the name implies some freaky neutrons that have been spat out. This stuff is fairly rare, you aren’t going to find it laying around.  Sprung from nuclear fusion and fission, It’s most common in places like nuclear reactors, particle accelerators, or our atmosphere (cosmic rays run into it). Technically this isn’t ionizing radiation, it can’t touch your electrons. These jerks are able to make things radioactive by shoving themselves into the nucleus of your atoms, causing everything to get unbalanced like a jenga tower.

This means no matter how far you run the radiation killing you could be yourself. Talk about poetic.

They can travel several hundred feet! Neutron radiation is stopped by high hydrogen sources like water, concrete, and certain types of plastics. Boron is also effective at absorbing it. It isn’t stopped by lead or any other heavy metal, unlike the rest. This guy is a wild card who doesn’t play by the rules.

Luckily for us this nasty customer only lasts for about 12 minutes.

They can be used to make things called neutron bombs. They don’t damage buildings, only people. It was appealing, because then you could go in and occupy cleared out land without having to rebuild every dang thing. They got very little, if any use. Because 1 nuclear weapons, no matter how small, are a PR nightmare, 2 they weren’t able to stop tanks which limited their effectiveness, 3 and, this is just a guess, nobody wants to live in a radioactive building.

Radiation that doesn’t fit in the above categories, but are still cool.

Cherenkov radiation happens when particles move faster than the speed of light. But wait, I hear you gasp, nothing is faster than the speed of light!!! That is true, in a vacuum, but light moves differently when it has to travel through stuff, like, say for instance, WATER!

What does it do you swoon. Uh, yeah, it does this blue glow.

It seems to be mostly UV rays, and that’s pretty much it. Seriously, that’s it. I’m not kidding.

Pretty great right??

Hey! Hey! Cut it with the tomatoes; this is dry clean.

Cosmic rays are liars. They are not actually rays, they only said that in an attempt to make themselves look cooler. If you take off their fake nose and eye glasses, underneath are just a bunch of particles. I propose we rename them to “Cosmic fastballs” or “Rude aliens”. 

These guys are not very good at steering, so they’re always bumping into our planet, and they don’t even have insurance! They speed around at near light speed, because these outlaws don’t follow the speed limit their electrons fly out of their seats. Only 1% of electrons make it on this dangerous ride.

If you’re planning a trip off planet you to have be prepared to run into these punks.

Hawking radiation also know by its alias, black hole evaporation. This is a theoretical radiation, because nobody is willing to get close enough to a black hole to see if it holds true (The ones on earth are too small to see the effect!).

The idea is you have pairs of antiparticle and particles flying around, but they never see the light, because they cancel each other out. Taken from us too soon, but black holes work some magic, by eating one of the twins, and presto changeo, we have a healthy baby particle!

Except, they’re right next to the event horizon of a black hole, and black holes are able to move around, and they’re invisible, so the particle will never see it coming... We will remember you, brave little prince.

 a close up of the above image.

Nuclear radiation There are three guys you’ll see mentioned Alpha, Beta, and Gamma. These are the deadly trio. Nuclear reactors generate heat, a lot of it. Cooling is the utmost priority of any reactor without it you’ll have a meltdown, or an explosion. The explosion at Chernobyl had been so intense that the people closest to it were vaporized. Ouch.

The core got hot enough that it burned through the floor, the people who went in after it found radioactive lava! It’s called corium, after the reactor, a proud parent. Meltdown is not figurative language. It’s still burning to this day. If it reaches the ground water it might cause another explosion or get its contaminants in peoples drinking water.

It is called the elephants foot for obvious reasons. Any photographs taken of it have to be done with a mirror, because if you stand next to a melted nuclear reactor core, you die.

Geiger counters are used to detect radiation, but during Chernobyl they used dosimeters that could only detect up to 3.6 roentgens per hour. Which is alarming, but not immediately fatal. In reality it was giving off 30,000 roentgens per hour. Hot damn!

They wanted to put a lid on all that radiation it was spewing off. The roof was covered in debris impeding them. The roof was too rickety to use a bulldozer. Well, I’d like to see how stable you are after an explosion the roof harrumphs. They thought they could use robots, autonomous robots. The robots took one look at this mess, stopped obeying orders, and flung themselves off the roof. I’m outta here echoed in the dark. Only one didn’t, but it sucked at its job, kept getting stuck.

So they used a new type of robot called people. The workers would have about 40-60 seconds to clean, before the lead shielding would no longer protect them. It cannot be reused.

This is because lead acts as a net to catch the radiation. It’s really dense so those slippery rays can’t get past it. The more electrons it has the more likely it is that the radiation will smack into it. When those electrons are gone there’s nothing stopping them from having a hoedown showdown in your body.

There is material denser than lead like gold, tungsten, platinum, uranium...

Wait what was that last one?? You cry. Yeah depleted uranium, it only has lazy Alpha so it is the lesser evil.

They weren’t the only disobedient machines, camera film would corrupt, helicopters crashed to the ground.

The people who died from radiation poisoning were buried in zinc welded coffins.

Radiation exposure can cause a giant list of diseases, most notably cancer, schizophrenia, burns, and radiation poisoning, also know as acute radiation syndrome.

*WARNING* GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF TERRIBLE SUFFERING.

Radiation poisoning is a terrible way to die. Vomiting and nausea begin after a few moments of exposure. Your eyes and tongue will swell as will the rest of your body. You’ll be weakened, unable to move easily.

Your skin will turn dark red within minutes, nuclear sunburn. An hour after exposure you’ll get a furious head ache, diarrhea, and fever. Hopefully by then you’ll have passed out from the shock.

Often, after this initial bout of symptoms, you’ll seem to recover. The swelling and nausea will recede, but the other symptoms will remain. Depending on the dose it can last for a few days. Just enough to hope, to make it that much worse.

The symptoms will return with a vengeance alongside delirium, and agonizing pain throughout the body. You’ll bleed from the mouth nose and rectum. Hair falls out, your skin will crack, blister, then turn black. One man from Chernobyl had his skin slide off of him, like a sock, after he stood up.

Your blood cells hemorrhage, the GI track shuts down.

Your bones rot leaving you unable to make new blood cells. Towards the end, your immune system collapses. Your internal organs begin to disintegrate, you’ll start to cough them up. Then you finally die.

There is no cure for it only prolonging the inevitable. The most famous example of this is Ouchi Hiroshi.

A victim of the Tokaimura nuclear criticality accident. He was kept alive for 83 days after exposure.

His chromosomes had taken a direct hit from radiation, and now looked like this.

They had fragmented into pieces. Cells need the recipe contained in them, without it you begin to slowly decompose while alive.

Within a week he needed a stem cell transplant from his sister, the theory was if his body won’t make any white blood cells, so somebody else’s will!

They had to stop using tape on him, because the skin would peel off with it. Not long after that the rest of his skin slid off.

On day 11 he needed to be put on a ventilator. After this point he can no longer speak.

Day 27 the membrane of his intestines are deteriorating, causing diarrhea. This causes his intestines to hemorrhage. He was losing 10 liters of fluid a day, so he needed daily blood transfusions, up to 10 times in 12 hours.

They tried to give him skin transplants, but it wouldn’t bind to him, even though they were using special bio skin.

56 days after his admittance he goes into heart failure. They were able to revive him, but it happens again 2 more times for a total of one hour without blood circulation. For reference brain death begins about 6 minutes of no oxygen.

Day 83 it’s over.

There are written records of this being against his will, that he had said “Please stop”, “I’m going home”, and he had begged for his mother. They continued for, at the most generous number, 72 days after hearing his pleas. They sincerely thought they could save him.

Radiation poisoning is a terrible, terrible way to die.

Well I’m not going to go into detail, but here’s a couple of cool tidbits about nuclear bombs!

The nuke map used in said video. This allows you to see what would happen if various nuclear bombs hit various cities, and what the death toll would be.

HEAD CANONS TIME!

Are you still with me? Haven’t fallen asleep yet? Great! Time to talk about what the heck this has to do with transformers!

If mechs are covered in heavy plates to protect from radiation what are medics scanning for? I like to think they’re looking for things like temperature, if spark activity is detectable (i.e, is there a breech), maybe fuel line pressure. This is why medics need to hook up to their patients to get direct access to their bodies readouts!

If Cybertron lacks organic life, thus no free oxygen, what protects their planet from all those rogue rays? There have been interesting theoretical talk about magnetic shielding, but nothing concrete yet. Lucky for us we can make up whatever we want! I say they do have magnetic shielding that is able to reflect most of the radiation.

Shuttles needing to be heavily reinforced, because they have direct exposure.

Mechs needing to get their plating checked like a trip to the dentist!

Or their sparks protect them from damage, by extending a field of electrons that interrupt the radiations wicked ways! When injured it reduces the energy released, so it opens them up to other aliments, like rust, nanobot parasites! Low yielding sparks having more problems or even an equivalent to immune system suppression.

Or Sparks need particle radiation to live, without it they’ll slowly get sicker and sicker. Trapped by alien captors who don’t understand why’d you want dangerous stuff like radiation. They assume they got a crazy robot, as the guy fades.

There are a lot of fun ways to add it to your stories, some examples!

A gamma ray burst destroys their ozone layer entirely. Medbays now have to be heavily shielded, because to operate on their patients they need to remove their protective plating. A place where being outside is a death sentence. Like with Chernobyl machines you have mechs slowly go crazy the longer they are exposed. This is great Apocalypse fuel. Or! Or!

Imagine Ratchet going where angels fear to tread, an irradiated colony, that was left to languish after a quick pronouncement of their “inevitable fate”. Ratchet is like Challenge Accepted. He has to deal with supplies being thin on the ground, the only support he manages to scrounge up himself. He has to fight his patients into to submission first, before he can treat them.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker crash land on an alien planet after exchanging fire with Decepticons. Sunstreaker is severely injured by the landing he’s left insensate. Sideswipe has to carry him across a radioactive desert, while the planet beneath him gets hotter and hotter from decay.

Decepticons have weaponized Gamma ray bursts. They wipe out several Autobot outposts. Ever since, the Autobots have to live like scavengers, constantly on the move, sometimes they have to leave the sick and wounded behind. There is a last ditch effort to end this internecine madness. Lead them into a naturally occurring Gamma ray burst. Incredibly dangerous. What suicidal moron would do that? Oh yeah realizes Getaway unfortunately.

Thank you for reading this giant mess.

Feel free to shoot me an ask if you have any questions. I’m not an expert, but if I know the answer I’ll tell you it.

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Bright”

It’s finally out!  Huzzah!

Oh wow that little Netflix intro

“Trigger Warning Entertainment?”  Well this is a cop movie...

“Only a Bright can control the Power of the Wand”  A bright?  What the heck is that?

Oohhh that’s a good song

C’mon, David Ayer, don’t let me down.

Yeepp, this is a David Ayer movie.  Look at all that graffiti

Haaa... they took the Beverly Hills sign and made it for elves

Fun Fact:  I went past this super famous LA spillway during a LA/Hollywood tour in high school.

So Fairies in this world are equivalent to squirrels hijacking bird feeders?

Or Cornish Pixies

Will Smith, get that mustache off your face.  Pronto.

“I’m about to call up the city [police] [about this fairy infestation].”  “I am the city.”  I actually like that bit.

Is that Fairy cussing?

*Ward smashes the Fairy with a broom*  Eeewwwwww!!!

*Nick corrects Ward on what the compost being used to fertilized Ward’s lawn is actually made of*  Hahaha!

Oh I like Nick.

OK, so far I like this movie.  So what the heck is up with these critics giving this a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes?  Holy crap...

“Why did you [Ward] become a policeman?  Everybody hates policemen.”  C’mon...

“That is one of the greatest love songs ever written.”  “That is a love song written in prison.”  Unintentional rhyming.  *ding*

Elven Special District?

So what’s the social ranking when it comes to all the species?  Do Elves represent like the wealthy 1%?

These other policemen are assholes

This is a lot of f-bombs...

Ike Barinholtz!  What is with his character always picking on Will Smith’s character?

Who’s the Dark Lord?  And don’t say Voldemort.

Why does no one wanna ride with Will Smith?!?!?

All those Orcs look like they’re wearing Chicago Bears jerseys

Nick’s Orc ears actually twitch in anger.  That’s attention to detail.

Is that dude wielding a sword?

Jay Hernandez!

That’s a nice sword.

“... gangbanging like it’s 1999.”  What the heck is wrong with 1999?

*Guy in custody pukes in the back seat*  Eeeuugghh...

Why is his puke orange?  Has he been eating nothing but carrots?

They developed an Orc language for this movie?  That’s really cool

Discount Sacha Baron Cohen

What’s “Clan Law?”

What?!?!?  I agree with Will Smith, these Internal Affairs people need to eff off...

Smash it [the recording device] under your boot...

“Shave your mustache, bitch.”  Pfftt... could say the same thing about yours, Will Smith

What’s “Shield of Light?”

Y’know, for a cop movie, most of the law enforcement dudes here are dicks

If you don’t explode while holding one of the Wands, you’re a Bright?  OK... isn’t there some other test to determine whether someone’s a Bright?  Like some variation of the Voight-Kampff test from “Blade Runner” or something?

You could take a shot every time someone says the f-bomb in this movie but you’d be dead 30 minutes in

“How the f- do you make a shootout awkward?!?!?”  Hahaha!

[FRONT TOWARD ENEMY] Shit, that’s a lot of bombs.

“These people died so bad.”  What?

WHAAT the heck?

They shot this scene from the POV of the Wand.  That’s pretty cool, I gotta say.

I would love to meet the dude who developed all the languages for this movie.

Why is this development happening?!?!?  There are no other good police officers in this movie except Jay Hernandez

“You wanna do this right now?!?!?”  Nick would be excellent at @cinema-sins

DO NOT SHOOT NICK, I SWEAR TO GOD

Oooooohhhhhh

Is that Bastille?

AN:  Why yes.  Yes it is.

What’s KMA?

That guy in the wheelchair looks like a skinny David Ayer.

Puerco?  Oh, it means pig.

“Drive it like you stole it!”  Pffftt...

“Drive straight, not sideways!”  Then why aren’t you [Ward] driving?

What the... is that a force field?

So the Inferni are cult members?  Do they worship the Dark Lord thingamabob or something?

Bye, Ike Barinholtz

Is that a dragon?!?!?

Bunch of creepy ass mannequins in the background

*Baby starts crying in the background*  DO NOT KILL THE BABY!

So what’s the social status when it comes to Brights?

I only took three years of Spanish in high school and I can still understand what that whole random hysterical Spanish family was saying

Once again, we see a freaking meat locker in a David Ayer movie

Gotta say, all the Orc makeup in this movie looks phenomenal.  All the Orcs have individual markings and the teeth looks different on all of them.

Why are you touching the corpse with your bare hands?!?!?  Jesus...

Seriously, who the heck are these two Magic Federal Agent dudes?  We haven’t even been given their names yat

Altamira?  Isn’t that “High Look” in Spanish?

This dude in the wheelchair again?

Oh that shot of Tikka is cool

OH my God...

So are Leilah’s bodyguards Brights as well?  Or are they just the typical run-of-the-mill karate chopping bodyguards?

There’s graffiti in the background that says “I Love Orcs- Nobody”

“Blooded?”

“Why do you [Nick] wanna die for a world that hates you?”  Didn’t “Suicide Squad” have a similar line?

*cough*  Might not wanna yell out loud in a quiet gas station that you, oh I dunno, have the Wand!

Man.... they shot Jay Hernandez!

Get Tikka out of there- there ya go.

That Elf dude just nonchalantly took off his fiery jacket like a badass!

The hell is that?

Who plays the head Fogsteeth Orc?  He sounds really familiar

So the head Orc is basically crapping on Ward and Nick for interrupting his peace and quiet?  Kinda petty...

“I [Nick] know where the Wand is.”  “Yeah?“  It’s up his ass

“It’s in your f-ing ass.”  Haha!  Called it!

“Whip” them?  Oh.

*The Head Orc stabs Nick in the shoulder*  AAGGHHH!!

What the-

They’re gonna send them [Ward and Nick] to the Rancor Pit?

They keep cutting to that one Orc reacting to Ward and Nick getting beaten up.

Oooohhh that’s the one kid Nick let go of in the beginning!

This movie better not kill off Nick... son of a bitch

Is she [Tikka] bringing him [Nick] back to life with the Wand?  Yes, go!

Oh thank God!

What the heck is this Prophecy they keep referencing?

The lighting in this church with all the little lights on the tree is great

She [Tikka] speaks English now?!?  This far into the movie?  It’s like Laura suddenly talking 3/4ths into “Logan”

“We’re not in a prophecy.  We’re in a stolen Toyota Corolla.”  Pfftt...

Why did Ward just then realize Tikka was a Bright?  In the beginning of the movie, he saw her hold the Wand without exploding.

Damn, Jakoby!  That was slick!

That dude’s head just EXPLODED!

Well she [Leilah] was a weak ass villain

Snack Pack pudding in the fridge!

Jakoby, get down there or someone’s gonna pull a sneak attack

*Leilah surprises Jakoby from behind*  Called it.

So can Brights automatically heal themselves or what?  Why was Leilah brought back to life?

Throw the knife at Leilah’s head, Ward!

“What have you done to my sister?”  WHat?!?!?

You can see the bone sticking out of her [Leilah’s] hand!!!

What?!?  Ward’s a Bright?!?

Pick up the Wand!

Lens flare!

“Still not my friend.”  “I never liked you anyway.”  Pfffttt....

This whole banter while they’re lying down on the ground exhausted is fantastic

That transition was cool

Hahahahaha!

Tikka!

Eugh, that fairy’s back.

Whoa, that’s it?  That’s the whole movie?  They kinda resolved it really quickly.

Can we at least address the fact that Ward’s a Bright?

There’s a song called “Smoke My Dope.”  Definitely downloading it.  Actually there’s a couple songs here that I wanna download.

[beccawastaken]

My life summarized Pt. 1...

I started this blog cause there is always so much in my head, it moves at the speed of light, some of it makes complete and utter sense, some of it sounds great til the very second it rolls off my tongue and then sounds nothing like it did in my head, some of it is just random nonsensical stuff that seems to have fallen off a stand up comedians cue cards and straight into the part of my psyche that prefers her own lyrics. It makes it very hard to focus on one task to completion, I even tend to put down my guitar and journal for months on end...so sad!

I must admit that I have worked my ass off to try to make some kind of sense of it all and now when I am unable to rather than let frustration take over I tend to find my random head ramblings amusing. I mean it is often a frustrated, shaking my head at myself kind of amusing but still...baby steps right? 

Sometimes the thoughts can be so intense and so rapid that its overwhelming and it takes every ounce of my strength not to scream til it stops. At its worst its almost like there are so many thoughts moving so quickly that it can sound like a constant high pitch buzz in my head. Super exhausting, and difficult to explain to those around you. People tell me to just go to sleep...ever tried sleeping with a shop vac on or inside a construction site? That would be comparable to this, plus, sleeping also isn't my forte so I’m double fucked so to speak.

The human mind and psyche intrigues me to no end. The way it works, and how the basic brain functions are the same across society yet our perception and the cogs and wheels inside each skull are as unique as our deoxyribonucleic acid. For each and every one of us, the way we tick can be vastly different from one another, from the person beside you on the bus, to that guy you’ve worked with for years to a lover or spouse and often really have no way of knowing. I mean how often do we turn to each other and say “can we talk about how your brain works?” We just take for granted that it does and don’t give it a second thought.(haha you will come to notice my love for puns)

Its the intricate differences between us that keep me interested in this self sabotaging species, I mean really, Earth doesn’t need humans to survive, in fact it may be better off without us! Who knows, what I do know is that while im here on this seemingly massive planet im going to make the most of it. 

I have a wicked sense of humour (ask anyone haha) and I enjoy messing with people (in a jovial way of course). Im talking like practical joke type of messing with people, light, innocent funny shit. I have been referred to as a brain ninja...I took it as a compliment, however, when you are on the receiving end its possible that it isnt nearly as enjoyable. I do my best not to be mean (I said I do my best, I am not perfect) cause you know, I’m no psycho, although some will attest to that statement not being true, I have honed my inner psycho and now only use her when absolutely necessary. Like if some douchelord crosses one of my angels or my grandson. Then my wrath should be feared, simple enough right? (WOW that escalated quickly! O_O)

I just do not want to waste my life, I spent so much of it not knowing how to handle daily life, assuming (naturally cause why wouldn’t I as a single child raised by someone that constantly blamed others and the world for her problems) that everyone’s mind worked the same, everybody deals with the racing and loops of thoughts you cant kick, or falls asleep with a song stuck in they’re head and wakes up and it starts again as if paused. Every morning. (Don’t drop that duh duh duh....grrr) For days! I mean doesn't everybody worry about every move they make, and lay in bed with they’re eyes closed trying to sleep and checking the clock twenty minutes later only to find SURPRISE, its been three hours! Or this relentless saviour complex I have, I can solve almost anyone's problem or at least help them find a path they are more comfy with but for years when it came to mine, I just couldn’t. This is just a few of the things i deal with or have been forced to deal with this life, Im sure i will touch on more. 

I have my children to thank for helping me learn how to deal with my version of life and not giving up on me when I know it would have been easier at times. (Dont drop that duhduhduh....ugh) I want to be honest in this blog, I pride myself on my honesty yet shy away from the darker, not so beautiful sides of who I am as if they don’t exist to the outside world. The thing is, I do not look sick, in fact I look great, besides a few extra pounds. My illness is not a physical one yet it has complete control from the inside out a lot of the time. I work very hard on a daily basis so I do not look like I am falling apart.

I feel emotions at a much higher level than the majority of humanity, I know this now. I don’t feel a lil bit of anything, if im sad, im so sad that even just being in my presence can break your heart. If something good happens and I feel a twinge of joy, I literally have to physically hold myself still sometimes cause it will surge like a lightening bolt through me and often some strange squeak comes out, fingers fully extended as if the energy just exploded form my core and out my extremities. Then, just as fast as it surges it disappears and there I am a woman bordering forty with this maniacal smile on my face like the joker and hair standing up like the professor from Back to The Future. Its quite a sight I am sure, and as much as it has been really hard to work with this side of myself I would rather be inside looking out and have to fix my hair then the onlookers forced to decide between the choice to ask if I am alright or back away slowly. Same with anger, although we have a bit of a deeper connection than other emotions, yea, thats right, we tight. Let me explain...or try;

I like to think my anger trigger point was when grandpa died, but looking back that is ridiculous, I was pissed at both my parents for what they put me through during the divorce but refused to take it out on them, they were in enough pain, they couldn't see it but i sure could.  When I am angry I scare people, I seem to fear nothing (not sure if that’s brave or not) and once I am angry there is no going back, I am completely incorrigible, illogical and refuse to listen. I have scared off men twice my size, not with violence of the physical kind, my verbal violence can be so articulated that I honestly think some people are scared to the core. I have shocked myself at times and thats not easy. Once I realized that I was growing into my version of the hulk I had to do something, I was starting to hate everyone and everything. 

I started replacing the empty yet extremely fucked up (for lack of a better word) threats with just simply making light of what it was that triggered me, albeit in an aggressive manner however it has proven effective in attempting to analyze what set me off and try to stop the rage fuelled rant.

I really wanted to give you an example but as I was trying to find one it proved difficult so im gonna call that progress. Anyway this venting became humorous to those around me, they all knew me so well that they would turn they’re heads and try not to laugh (ever been laughed at when your livid? its not cool, same as if are upset and someone says ‘calm down’ calm down, CALM DOWN?! like fuck off n all if you honestly believe im not trying, you think i wanna feel this way? like this is some kind of sick joke for me? pfft people!) in an attempt to not be caught in the crossfire of my verbal war. 

At first this angered me too (go figure, Hulkbitch) then one day, someone laughed and I took a step back and thought about what I had said and started laughing. Clearly my loved ones weren't laughing at my agony, but the words and descriptions i used to figure it out did tend to be funny. It takes a lot for me to get angry like that now, if I do tho, I still vent with sarcastic wit and make myself laugh to bring myself out of it. 

I think I have myself in line pretty well now, I guess I should give some history here, I was a very happy child on the outside but a ball of nerves within, my mother was extremely mentally ill (which i did not know til after her passing) and my father was a violent alcoholic. Luckily I was sheltered from the worst of what they put each other through as they separated when I was 2, but fought and fought and fought over me for nine years. My mum would insist dad never wanted me he just didn't want her to have me, said that I was never good enough in his eyes cause he wanted a boy. Dad, would point out the homeless lady pushing all her belongings in a shopping cart and say “hey kid, thats where your mum is headed, just you watch”. I know now they were just dealing in their own ways with what was happening between them but it really messed with me. 

My father, my daddy, quit drinking not long after the separation, i to this day believe that he did this not only for himself but for me, to show me that no matter what you can make changes, just gotta face the problem head on and deal with it so you can move past it. He was always a tough, vulgar, strong, stubborn, hilarious and short lil french man with an ego the size of Goliath. He taught me not to take shit from anyone if I believed in the topic at hand and to learn to turn a cold shoulder when needed. Emotions were not discussed, Im not even sure to this day if I can remember him ever saying I love you, but he didn’t have to, I know he did. 

Mum had her own ways of dealing over the years, she was all emotion, raw and uncut. She would always react first, think later, which meant she felt the need to apologize a lot.  For her mistake, for not being good enough, for not doing well enough this was so hard to watch. She would repeat the same self defeating patterns she had been doing her whole life and expecting things to change. Definition if insanity much? shitty part is back then they had no fucking idea what insanity was, nor did they care to look. Had someone just took her side and spoke for her she would still be here, if only she was honest with me about how sick she was, I may never have gotten as sick as I did. She thought she was protecting me...

This woman was the sun to my moon and I loved her more than words can ever express. She never believed me when I said it, she always said right up til the end that nobody ever loved her. I know this was not true cause I figured my dad wouldn't get so mad about stuff if he didn't care, the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Mum was always in and out of the hospital and it was super hush hush, I assumed she had cancer. I was petrified to lose her, so I didn’t ask questions, just waited.

The custody battle went on and on, I remember my dad pushing our 1970somthing car up the street for some reason, didn't phase me much. I just said “oh look theres my daddy, he looks mad!”. We went to Expo ‘86 in British Columbia and mum was subpoena’d to come back to the prairies for court immediately, so she had to leave her vacation just to go back and find out it was remanded.  They were both so angry all the time, I thought it was my fault...had I not been there there would be nothing left to fight about right?

Okay so divorce was finalized when I was 11...Grandma and grandpa (mums side) loved the shit out of me too, ive seen pics of gramma in the military which made sense as I grew up as to why she was so tough but she must have been retired by time I was born. They bought an old ‘70s van and converted it into beds in the back, a table and even a port a potty! They lovingly got personalized plates with my name and the number “2″ after it. They took really good care of me, always loved me and wanted what was best.

I remember around 10yrs old I realized my initials were B.S. and I was not impressed at all as not one word that came out my mouth (at that age) was BS. I was insulted and wanted it changed, plus I knew it would make mum happy if I changed my name to hers. The divorce was finalized my initials were changed to B.J....JUST in time for puberty, (woooooooo) yeah, didn't live that one down for a very long time.

My reason for bringing up my grandparents is so that you all know that aside from this somewhat bleak story thus far, I had many people that loved me, including mum and dad, they just preferred to fight about it. 

Shit, fuck, damn, I just had a memory, not a good one but I spoz thats why our brains block things out eh? I do not know how this came about, my mother was very abused growing up and it took a toll on her.  I remember mum and the  grandparents fighting, i remember gramma telling mum to get her head out of her ass and i remember trying to picture that...I was not going to be seeing them for a while til things cooled down.

Mum was sure that my grandpa had molested me, I am not going to say it didn’t happen but as far as I can recall my grandpa was the sweetest most loving man ever. anyway, mum was questioning me, yelling, badgering me and generally acting crazy i spoz, this was before I know what that looked like.  She kept asking inches from my face if he had done anything to me and i maintained that he hadn’t. Finally hours later I was tired and hungry and she was clearly still psychotic she yelled at me are you sure (for the millionth time) I finally yelled out “fine, he did it!” I had no idea what he had done, or when, cause i wasn't there i just wanted her to stop. She was making herself crazy and it broke my heart. I didn't see my grandparents again for three years. Grandpa had gone senile and was not himself, didnt remember close family members etc. When I got there, I ran in the house and we met at the doorway, me at the bottom of the entrance stairs and him at the top. I smiled, and he looked at me puzzled, then started crying, then laughing then crying. I was so glad he got to remember me. I missed him so much.

This was all before I was even a teenager. Grandpa died not long after he was put in a care home cause gramma wasn't able to care for him. His death was my first experience with such a thing, I had no way of knowing how to deal with a loss like this...so I guess I just didn’t.

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 8

THE 24/10/16 UPDATE

Woow, another liveblog from your favorite act omega liveblogger. Are there any other livebloggers out there i need to know.  So yeah, here we are with part 8! Big Vriska number for the win. Also only two updates away from double digits! Yeah, I’m not sure I thought this through with the whole update-update format, this might take a L OT of posts to get caught up. Luckily, I have no problem with making a fuckton of posts. Anyways, I think we left off with the kids, so lets hurry up and get back to them!

(Cant post the image. Here’s the link. http://mspfanventures.com/?s=16414&p=47)

GASP, IS thIS SOME MULTIPLE CHOICE SHIT? Well considering I’m forever going to be staying chronological, I suppose I should start with the one on the next page! 

A CHARACTER SELECTION MENU appears through the power of NON-LINEAR STORYTELLING. You know the drill by now, have some free will! Or just go in this order, if you think agency is overrated

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE

Oh, that’s helpful. Great, I’ll start with ONE then.

The fact that you are a dedicated and loyal reader is obvious and indisputable, so of course you won’t be moving on ahead without having taken a gander at all of the options presented to you.

Obviously! what kinda brainless CHUMP would move on without you explicitly stating to? NOT ME.

Anyways, starting with ONE.

PFt, woah their eyes. 

KANAYA: (Hey) ROXY: oh heeeeey! KANAYA: (Hey To You Again Except Slightly More Quietly) ROXY: (oh sorry)

It seems they gotta be quiet for reasons. H  m m M..

ROXY: (why r we whispering) KANAYA: (I Am Not Entirely Sure)

So they just need to be miss zuipPer lips for no reason then?

KANAYA: (That Just Seems To Be What Everyone Has Lapsed Into Doing) KANAYA: (And Now Speaking In A Normal Volume Will Draw More Attention Than Desired Especially When Attempting To Have A Private Conversation) ROXY: (im lovin this private convo already but you might need to make it snappy)

so everybodys just whispering? do they all got SECRETS? Also, what’s the hurry Roxy?

ROXY: (john looks about ready to get down n dirty with some srs leadership biz)

Oh yeah.

KANAYA: (Alright Then I Will Attempt To Be Brief) KANAYA: (I Wanted To Thank You Again) KANAYA: (For The Matriorb Certainly)

Alright cool! It seems that this Kanaya does remember Roxy giving her the good ol’ matriorb. 

KANAYA: (But Additionally For Everything Else You Have Accomplished Today) KANAYA: (I Know Being The One To Strike The Final Blow Against Our Shared Enemy In The Midst Of Battle Does Not Necessarily Warrant Gratitude But I Thought It Might Be Nice For You To Hear That What You Did Was Appreciated)

What she DID, was prove herself to be a goddamn BADASS. But honestly everybody here’s a badass one way or another. 

KANAYA: (At Least By Me) KANAYA: (On Behalf Of My Species As Well As All Those Who Suffered At The Behest Of The Condesce) KANAYA: (And All Those That May Now Be Born And Live Free Of Tyranny) KANAYA: (You Did Good)

Pft, nice. “Ya did good, kid.” 

ROXY: (omg i am cri)

goddammit these lines always manage to be fucking perfect.

ROXY: (that wasnt brief @ all but twas so so bootiful) ROXY: (gdi cmere moms big loveable space gf)

OK this doesn’t need to be stated, but I fucking love roxy.

KANAYA: (Um I Would Prefer It If We Saved The Hug For Later Maybe) ROXY: (aww ok thats cool)

nO FUCKING HUG NOW

KANAYA: (Anyway I Have Only Just Met You But You Have Already Proven Yourself To Be Just As Extraordinary An Individual As Your...) KANAYA: (Uh) KANAYA: (Rose)

Nice Kanaya.

ROXY: (as my rose?) KANAYA: (Yes Your Rose) ROXY: (;D)

ITS CONFIRMED, Rose is Roxy’s Rose. this conversation is so cute.

See you’re still over there TZ. Whatcha lookin at? The uh... oh youre blind. what are you doing terezi?? come on girl, celebrate!

ROXY: (okay looks like john got distracted by somethin) ROXY: (so since we got a little more time to chat it up) ROXY: (and so long as were exchangin bomb as FUCK felicitations) ROXY: (youre not so shabby yourself yknow) ROXY: (like damn i was absolutely right youre one deadly customer)

Yeah no fuckin kidding, this girl knows how to kick ass.

ROXY: (seeing u whip out that BEASTLY CHAINSAW) ROXY: (was a sight to behold)

PFt, that was nothing. You should have seen when she single handedly put three of the most dangerous characters on the meteor out of commision. 

KANAYA: (I Really Did Not Do All That Much Surprisingly) KANAYA: (Or Perhaps Unsurprisingly) KANAYA: (I Am Not Sure If I Was Erring On The Side Of Caution After All) KANAYA: (Out Of Consideration For The Gift You Gave Me) KANAYA: (Or If Perhaps I Was Simply Unpracticed)

Well yeah, she didnt do as much in this battle as the others.  But like she said, she had the matriorb to keep safe. PLUS, she wasnt godtier. So yeah Kanaya, you’re excused from doing your makeup during the final epic battle.

ROXY: (who cares??) ROXY: (we WON) ROXY: (gave that witch what was COMING TO HER) ROXY: (and thats the end of that no point gettin our knickers all in a twist over it no more)

Roxy’s got the right idea. There doesn’t gotta be any more “proving yourself.” You did the battle, and you came out on top!  JUst be done with it.

KANAYA: (Yes I Suppose Youre Right) KANAYA: (Though I Do Wonder How Things Might Have Gone If I Had Attempted To Dust Off One Of The Old Fraymotifs)

Oh shit, Kanaya’s got fraymotifs? And also, you can use fraymotifs without being godtier?

oh. wait. terezi isnt godtier is she? Yeah, you totally can use fraymotifs without godtier.

ROXY: (no kidding!) ROXY: (yeah that woulda been pretty badass) ROXY: (we could have had a sick combo) ROXY: (void and...) ROXY: (uh) KANAYA: (Space) ROXY: (right yeah space)

Well too bad you’ll never have the opportunity to USE that sick deadly combo!

I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure that will be the case

i am SO SURE

nobody has to die anymore

so

completely sure.

KANAYA: (It May Have Indeed Been Sick But Upon Further Reflection Perhaps Not)

No kanaya, it would be SUPER fuckin badass dont even give me that shit.

ROXY: (wait rly) ROXY: (how come?) KANAYA: (I Dont Feel Like I Ever Got The Opportunity To Truly Get In Touch With My Aspect Like You) KANAYA: (It Has Never Seemed Pertinent That I Be Able To Cast Some Sort Of Spacey Enchantment) KANAYA: (In Fact I Have Yet To Stumble Across A Scenario I Could Not Handle Through More Traditional Methods) ROXY: (u mean a deadly body slam full a sharp metal teeth twice the length of your head) KANAYA: (Yes Precisely) KANAYA: (That Tends To Cover The Bases Pretty Well)

WELL, Chainsaws do seem to cover many different issues. Mainly the ones which involve somebody needing to be cut the fuck in half. But I dont know if being “In touch” with your aspect was ever really a thing. I mean, when did John become “in touch” with his aspect? He just sorta got the powers and did shit with them. i dont really know what that has to do with it- wait a goddamn second. People always associate the wind aspect with like independence and shit, right? And.. the last thing that happened before John went godtier, was a choice. Given to him by Vriska, who for the first time decided to step back and let him decide what to do on his own. Whether or not she would have owned up to what she said about letting him decide how to fall asleep, he still made the choice and went with it on is own. So maybe that’s got something to do with it.

Or maybe I’m just an idiot.

ROXY: (well you know what thats cool) ROXY: (u do u) ROXY: (besides) ROXY: (hopefully there wont be any more reason for you to wreck shit)

GOddammit stop saying shit like that

KANAYA: (That Would Be Ideal I Suppose) KANAYA: (However It Is Always Wise To Be Prepared) KANAYA: (Just In Case) ROXY: (ofc!) ROXY: (and hey) ROXY: (just cuz we won the game doesnt mean there wont be any more opportunities to like) ROXY: (explore yourself and your aspect) ROXY: (our cool powers are too friggin handy for them to just stop bein relevant once we walk thru a magic door)

SPeaking of which, can THEY HURRY UP AND WALK THROUGH THE MAGIC FUCKING DOOR YET IM GETTING ANXIOUS.

ROXY: (maybe someday youll get the chance to blitz ur chakras and get spacey w it) ROXY: (and itll be at your own pace instead of having to rush it for the sake of fixing some giant spacetastrophe) KANAYA: (That Does Sound Nice)

YES IT DOES NOW HURRY UP THROUGH THE DOOR SO THAT BECOMES A REALITY COME THE FUCK ON JOHN

KANAYA: (Considering Right Now I Am Very Unsure Of How To Even Begin Blitzing Those Particular Chakras) ROXY: (i bet u can ask john) ROXY: (hes rly good at givin advice for stuff like that)

YES HE IS BUT HE ISNT GOOD AT OPENING DOORS AAAAA

ROXY: (tho he probably doesnt even know it pffff) KANAYA: (You Are Also Very Good At Giving Advice) KANAYA: (That Was Not Necessarily A Request I Simply Thought I Should Point That Out) ROXY: (TOO BAD youre gettin some anyway ;P) ROXY: (rly tho ive hardly even begun to wrestle my voidy powers into submission) ROXY: (still got a loooooong way to go on that front) ROXY: (but thus far most of my blitzing has just been like) ROXY: (being around the thing) ROXY: (and letting myself embrace this like) ROXY: (natural synergy i got going w it) KANAYA: (When You Say) KANAYA: (The Thing) KANAYA: (Do You Mean Nothing) KANAYA: (Considering Your Aspect Presides Over Literal Nothingness)

Yes Kanaya, this is exactly what she means.

ROXY: (pffft) ROXY: (yes thats what i mean :p) KANAYA: (Okay I Was Just Attempting To Clarify) KANAYA: (How Does One Surround Themselves With The Concept Of Nonexistence) ROXY: (i dunno!) ROXY: (when u put it that way it does sound pretty mind bending) ROXY: (i guess ive just been lucky?) ROXY: (or maybe the nothing is naturally attracted to me and lucks got nothin to do w it)

WELL YEAh, what isnt naturally attracted to you? Guys i just really love roxy help

ROXY: (but yeah i got that voidy ring @ one point) ROXY: (and when john started getting to fixing the timeline he took me to a place that felt like) ROXY: (the nothingest nothing to ever unexist) KANAYA: (That Sounds Interesting) KANAYA: (What Was It Like)

Probably nothing.

THATS a cool panel right there.

ROXY: (well it was) ROXY: (white) ROXY: (but not pure white) ROXY: (just slightly off) ROXY: (and) ROXY: (it was super vast) ROXY: (but not like regular outer space where you can actually see stuff like stars stretch on and on til you cant see it anymore) ROXY: (which at least gives u a sense of distance) ROXY: (but instead it was almost claustrophobic) ROXY: (cuz there was nothing there) ROXY: (you and all the other somethings just completely enveloped by a shrink wrap o absence)

HUmm.. thats pretty interesting to say the least. Not really sure what to think of it though! Just pretty nifty.

KANAYA: (Hmmmm) ROXY: (never really tried putting this into words) ROXY: (i think the thing about it was that the void sort of) ROXY: (changed) ROXY: (depending on how i chose to perceive it) ROXY: (cause the whole point is that its kinda like) ROXY: (idk) ROXY: (maybe a little like binary) KANAYA: (Binary?)

too bad sollux is dead he’d get a kick outta this.

did anybody make this connection. computer hacker guy who likes two’s. Binary. man. i feel like everybody did.

ROXY: (yknow binary) ROXY: (computer language) ROXY: (0011101100101001)

TRANSLATOr HELP

“;)“

omfg she just winked in binary.

KANAYA: (Oh That) ROXY: (the way that works is basically) ROXY: (you have a bit) ROXY: (like a computery bit) ROXY: (and it can say either 0 or 1) ROXY: (and dependin on which it is the computer displays the info differently) ROXY: (but the void is like a completely blank bit) ROXY: (there isnt a 0 or a 1 written on the bit yet but thats all were programmed to understand yknow) ROXY: (like 0 is technically nothing but whats important is that theres something there for you to see) ROXY: (but what im gettin at is that really void is just blank space waiting to be written on) ROXY: (by somebody like yours truly) ROXY: (im the computer and youre the person reading the display)

Oh. That’s pretty cool and shit. 

OH shes gettin all magicky here

ROXY: (and my whole voidy thing) ROXY: (is that i gotta figure out the code for whatever i wanna make exist) ROXY: (and write it on the blank bits) ROXY: (then) ROXY: (i snatch em outta the void!)

Oh AGAIN. YEAh, roxys power seems a lot cooler now.

ROXY: (yoink!!!)

*gasp*

nice lipstick yo

Kanaya is so fucking cute oml. She looks kinda dumbfounded by this lipstick.

KANAYA: (Wow) KANAYA: (That Was Really Quite Insightful Roxy) KANAYA: (I Think I Am Already Beginning To Understand Things Better) KANAYA: (But What Is This) ROXY: (p sure its lipstick!) ROXY: (and its 4 u) ROXY: (i dont rly know if pinks ur color but) ROXY: (here it is anyway!)

Oh god help me im already starting to ship it.

KANAYA: (Another Gift) KANAYA: (Why) ROXY: (daaaaw i dunno) ROXY: (i mean its actually kinda cool i was able to make this at all) ROXY: (i bet it must be bc of you somehow) ROXY: (you like lipstick right?) KANAYA: (Yes) ROXY: (i dont know if this is just me but i bet this is totes a thing w space players) ROXY: (like i get the vibe that u guys r more in touch with the objects around you) ROXY: (specially the ones thatre important to you) KANAYA: (I Suppose...)

HMm.. Interesting bit of aspect analysis. That could possibly be a thing.

ROXY: (well?) ROXY: (ru gonna take it or what) KANAYA: (I Really Cant Accept This) KANAYA: (I Was Attempting To Alleviate The Debt Of Gratitude I Have Already Been Accumulating Towards You) KANAYA: (A Measly Thank You Is Hardly Enough) KANAYA: (And Yet You Present Me With Even More To Be Thankful For)

COme on Kanaya dont be like that. Just take the thing and be hAPPY! you dont gotta prove yourself for a gift.

ROXY: (man thats not how this works) ROXY: (you dont owe me nothin) ROXY: (but heck if it makes u feel better) ROXY: (the space egg wasnt rly 4 u it was 4 all the little trollings that need to be born) ROXY: (skewering the batterwitch was definitely 4 me and earth and stuff) ROXY: (and the lipstick is to thank u for takin such good care of my mom :D)

Dont you mean your Rose?

KANAYA: (... That Does Make Me Feel Slightly Better) ROXY: (so youll take it??) KANAYA: (Okay) ROXY: (hella) KANAYA: (Thank You) KANAYA: (Again) ROXY: (dont mention it!)

She will likely mention this many times.

WEll that was the end for their interaction I suppose, so it seems like we get one page of another interaction then? I guess Dirk and Jake.

Ohp, yep. Jeez they look awkward.

DIRK: (... So.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (...) DIRK: (That was some fight, huh.)

Goddammit this is awkward. 

JAKE: (Oh yes that sure was a doozy of a brawl we all just participated in.) JAKE: (Or rather multiple brawls.) DIRK: (I think you’re probably up to speed on exactly how well mine went.) JAKE: (Um.) JAKE: (Should i be?) DIRK: (Nevermind.)

Just another beheading of good ol’ Dirk. Seems like that’s a common thing for him. 

((OhOFOHSANSIJFN  HOLY SHIT I PRESSED A BUTTON AND FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT I ALMOST DELETED EVERYTHING I WROTE DAMMIT TUMBLR GIVE ME WARNINGS))

JAKE: (Sorry... its just difficult to, uh...) DIRK: (Don’t be sorry. It doesn’t actually matter.) JAKE: (The important part is you won right?) DIRK: (Yeah...) DIRK: (How did yours go?) DIRK: (If you feel like sharing, that is.) JAKE: (Oh i won too!) DIRK: (Well. Obviously.) DIRK: (I meant... like.) DIRK: (Specifically, HOW you won.) DIRK: (I’d be down to hear some details of all the kickassery you've been dishing out.) DIRK: (That must've been pretty crazy solo.)

Come ONNNN guys, quit dancing around the topic here. Somethings bothering you and its making everything shitty.

JAKE: (Oh.) JAKE: (Well i wasnt alone for long actually.) JAKE: (In fact it was quite the clusterfuck of skeletons sprites and green goblin brutes!) JAKE: (That crabby troll fellow even showed up at one point.) JAKE: (He seemed to be having a difficult time with one of the tinier rascals but i was up to my ears in fracas and fisticuffs myself and couldnt really lend him a hand.)

Dammit Karkat. I love him, but god he’s adorably pathetic in fights.

DIRK: (It looks like he’s alright, so no harm done.) DIRK: (How many of those green dudes were there again?) JAKE: (Im fairly certain there were 14.) DIRK: (And you trounced all of them?) JAKE: (Actually k...carat dealt with one of them i think.) JAKE: (They were small but a decidedly tricky foe. It was scurrying around so fast i dont think a single one of my bullets even grazed it!)

He has ALLLL the luck Jake, ALL of it!  Honestly, can we get a Vriska/Clover battle?

DIRK: (Well, shit. Sounds tough.) DIRK: (Still, my score reads "Jake: 13, Goblins: 0".) DIRK: (Oh, and I’m pretty sure the name you’re looking for is Karkat.) JAKE: (Is that so?) DIRK: (Yup.) JAKE: (My mistake then...) DIRK: (Don’t worry about it.)

Dammit Jake, don’t be so fucking hard on yourself. I feel bad for him now. Like, he’s beating himself up over not knowing a complete strangers name.

JAKE: (Have you spoken to him at all yet?) DIRK: (Nah.) JAKE: (Would you like to?) DIRK: (I guess? Sure.) DIRK: (He and Dave seem to be in the middle of something, though. No point in interrupting.) DIRK: (Besides, I’m talking to you right now.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (...)

(...)

Alright dammit, I guess we’ll see if they get over whatever’s bugging them in the next update, because that’s the last page. Seeya next time and whatnot folks.