#like enough to still be friends to this day! it's incredible
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Day seven of “obligatory sugar baby Kon” behind the cut. tw: implications of past grooming/abuse and the inherent problems in someone who was in that situation trying to flirt with someone actually age-appropriate. prev: (( chrono || non-chrono ))
“. . . ‘fast’,” Kon echoes awkwardly, glancing down at their hands. Tim tries not to wince. He definitely sounds like an idiot or a prude or–whatever. Just incredibly, incredibly uncool.
He has actually never felt less like a prude since getting to know Kon well enough to notice things like how good the bastard looks soaked in Kool-Aid, but now is just . . . really not the time for thoughts like those, yeah.
“I, uh–I’ve never actually, um . . . with anyone, actually. Guy or not,” Tim half-admits, though it feels stupid that being a virgin is something to admit instead of just a statement of fact. Normally it wouldn’t be, is the thing, but he just really doesn’t want Kon to think he sounds lame or antisocial or . . . whatever, exactly. “I actually would literally not even know how to, uh . . . give you ‘tips’ or anything. Unless I had like, the prep time to do some research, I mean. It’s just, uh–I don't date much, to be honest. Or, uh. Pretty much at all? Like, you're definitely more experienced than I am either, uh, either way, like that's just–I don't do much of this stuff. Any of it. I have in fact gone out with exactly two girls in my life and they both were definitely, um–also the ones who were making the moves and all.”
It's not that he never want to make a move, just usually he's too busy being way too in his own head about it or something else entirely or–
God, he is rambling so much, Tim realizes, repressing a cringe when he realizes how blankly Kon’s currently staring at him. Because it is very, very blankly, that Kon is staring at him.
Crap.
“Uh,” Tim says with a grimace. “Sorry. Um. If you were expecting something . . . faster, I mean.”
Kon should definitely not have anything that fast if he’s thinking of himself as a product, Tim’s basically positive, but also that’s actually not any of his damn business, but also he definitely needs to look into Kon’s dating history just to add a few names to his list for when he finally goes supervillain and just maybe look into–
. . . Kon is still just staring blankly at him.
Tim fails to repress the cringe this time.
“Uh,” he attempts again. “Kon? Are you . . .?”
Kon turns literally crimson and ducks his head, but also doesn’t actually stop staring at him.
. . . alright then, Tim thinks.
“I do like you. I like you a lot. Like–I like-like you a lot, if I have somehow managed to not be embarrassingly obvious about that at this point,” he tries, borderline flailing in the conversation now since Kon is apparently no longer willing to use his words and he was already not doing that great with it when Kon was using his words, and he can’t even talk with his hands or anything because he’s holding Kon’s hands like an actual grade schooler, except probably no one ever has held Kon’s hands like–no, no, he is not far enough down the supervillain pipeline to be able to finish that thought process and deal with the psychological consequences of having to not burn down the system about it, he really cannot do that at any point in the next ten to fifteen years whatsoever. “This isn't–I'm just–it's not me not wanting to . . . take some pictures, eventually. Just . . . maybe we could wait a bit on it. Stick with the streets and buildings for a little while longer, maybe?”
He tries for a smile and also tries not to cringe again over how weak an attempt it feels like, and then has the uneasy and uncomfortable thought that actually doing anything like that isn’t even really–is that ethical, even? Even the idea of doing something like that? Kon doesn’t really know Robin all that well, no, but they’re on the same team and the same side, and they’re teammates and at least arguably friends, and Kon also doesn’t know he is Robin, and–
“Um,” Kon says, his hands tightening just a bit around Tim’s and his face still blazingly and borderline inhumanly red as his head ducks a little lower and his mouth curves into what is, in fact, the most unfairly soft smile that Tim has ever seen on the bastard’s face. “We could do that, yeah.”
Tim was thinking about something, probably? Which hopefully wasn’t something important, considering just how ruthlessly Kon just fried his brain out of his head. Which is not even reasonable or logical, because all Kon did was . . . well, imply he was fine taking things at Tim’s pace and not actually going to get immediately bored if he didn’t put out and was actually interested in just being together, and also did it while smiling at him like that.
Alright, fine, Tim knows exactly why his stupid brain got itself fried. He’s still apparently embarrassingly easy, though.
Well, that’s not exactly new information in regards to Kon anyway.
#timkon#tim drake#kon el#conner kent#dc robin#superboy#wip: obligatory sugar baby kon#implied past grooming#implied past abuse#unhealthy coping mechanisms
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Pretty much recovered, still got a bit of congestion and an on-and-off cough but well enough to be back in working order. Wish I could say everything else is on the upswing but uh... nah, the state of everything going on right now is undeniably garbage.
But we press on. We must.
To all my American friends and viewers, please, hang in there. Keep fighting. Despair is a deep and dark pit to fall into, and incredibly hard to crawl out the deeper you fall, but there are others all around you making the climb and offering you helping hands. You just have to keep climbing. What you're climbing towards can be as grand as seeing the fall of this new legislation, or as small as watching the third Sonic movie when it comes out. Whatever it is, keep it in your sights, and keep pressing forward.
I don't normally share much in terms of politics around here as I personally like to keep a space that's free of political discourse for the sake of viewers who are looking for an escape from the nightmares of the real world. That said, I'll be reblogging some great posts over the next few days that sum up better than I ever could the steps you can be taking both to protect yourself and to fight back. I hope they can give you knowledge and confidence in the journey ahead.
This isn't the first time America's found itself in the grips of white supremacy and fascism, and it's not going to be the last - the cost of freedom is constant vigilance.
If you're reading this in the swarm of posts amidst the doomscrolling - please, give yourself the grace to protect your peace. Yes, many will call it a privilege to be able to just 'log off' and not look at the news, and to an extent, I agree with the sentiment of that statement; it is still something you should do if you have the opportunity to do so. The 24 hour news cycle is designed to wear us down, make us feel helpless, give us the sense that the world is "over" when it still exists all around us and can still be saved - we can't fight this fight if we're burnt out and miserable, and that's by design.
So please, take care of yourself. Resist the urge to doomscroll. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into rage-bait arguments with trolls on the Internet, your pain is their gain. Drink lots of water. Sleep. Rest. Watch your favorite comfort shows. Reach out to your communities, both online and local. Build and nurture your support networks. Ask for help from those who are able to offer it; pass it forward to the next person seeking help when you can. Look to your local legislation, get yourself out there, whether it's volunteering, rallying, protesting, whatever you can do to get yourself involved in your community because it's on an individual level that change begins.
Worrying is a drug that impedes progress and destroys lives. None of us are immune to despair - but we are all above it, so long as we keep fighting to find the strength to overcome it. Forgo despair for hope. Forgo despair for resilience. Forgo despair for resolve.
Keep breathing. Keep living. Keep fighting.
Kesalul.
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I’m anon who requested 2 and anything f1 works but maxiel if I had to choose!!!
2. running fingers through hair
(thank you everyone who prompted, these have been really helpful 2 me the past few days!!) Cited sources: i pulled some specific characterization beats from @garage-gremlin 's incredible fic over here (specifically, what max reports yuki said to him). There's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to casual yuki/max, and also i guess some max/daniel feminization going on in here.
They are on the yacht, because Max thought it would be good to remind Daniel that he still has many good things. Like Max’s yacht.
It is unfortunately a little chilly, but even off Monaco that is what January will get you. If Daniel had not spent so long running around America, they could have gone earlier. But it was fine: Max was racing, and Daniel likes America and his friends there. He did not want to bring them on Max’s yacht, even though Max asked.
“We should go to Palermo,” Daniel says from the deck chair next to Max. The hum of the engines had almost sent Max to sleep, even with the cool air across his face. His jacket is practically thermal. He put Daniel in a matching one, and belowdecks the heat is turned all the way up. The hardwood floors are heated from beneath, like they are at Geri’s house. It’s all very nice.
“Palermo?” says Max. “Will you speak Italian then, Daniel?”
“I want fried food,” Daniel says, sidestepping the Italian. Max is convinced Daniel understands more Italian and French than he lets on, but that’s not hard because he mostly pretends he doesn’t understand any. He gives people very blank looks sometimes, in shops and things, when they approach him. It is a little funny.
“We can go to Palermo,” Max says easily. “If you want to be gone for two or three days.”
Getting a spot to dock at Palermo is pretty much impossible, but that can be taken care of.
“Maybe,” says Daniel. About as expected, Max thinks.
When Max had tracked down the third new number Daniel had gotten in three months and texted to politely ask if Daniel wanted to come out on the yacht (asking doesn’t actually work with Daniel — he’d texted “You should come on the yacht with me. 24th.”) Daniel had replied with “lol I’ll jump into the sea 🏊♂️🏊♂️🏊♂️” and then showed up at 6AM the morning of the 24th.
Daniel being a little moody about Palermo is nothing, really. A little pleasant, in fact.
“Did you know,” Max says to the deck chair next to him, “That Yuki says when I cover my face I look like a girl?”
Daniel, presumably hitting pause on thinking of jumping into the sea, rolls over in his deck chair to face Max.
“What?” he says.
“When I am surprised, you know,” Max says, and models it: two hands over the lower half of his face.
Daniel mostly looks confused. And a little like he darkly suspects what happened after Yuki said this— but whatever, Max is not the one who was in America all this time, doing who knows what.
There is a pause.
“You used to let me be the girl,” Max says, to the gusting wind over the Mediterranean. The sea around them is like blue velvet, choppy but soft.
Daniel’s face is finally blank and focused. He mouths ‘let me’ to himself.
Max rolls onto his side to face Daniel as well. This is not enough. He stands up, looking down at Daniel on the deck chair.
No need to tower. He sits on Daniel’s deck chair, his jacket whispering. He reaches out and tucks a few of Daniel’s curls a little more securely under his hat, because they are dancing into his eyes in the wind. He tucks Daniel’s hair behind his ear. Daniel’s hand comes up loosely around Max’s wrist. His mouth is parted.
“If you want to be the girl, you must of course just ask,” Max says.
Daniel’s throat works. His Adam’s apple bobs.
Max says, “The girl can still fuck me,” and laughs, because it sounds funny to say.
“Oh,” breathes Daniel, like this is what unlocked something.
Max takes Daniel’s hand from around Max’s wrist and kisses the knuckles.
“Ah, Daniel,” he says. “You are cold again.”
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I saw this and thought of you
An Ah! Love one shot in which Jeonghan gets a little gift for Y/N.
Requested? Yes!
Genre: just a massive amount of fluff. I am so soft for this couple.
Word count: 1.5k
A/N: You definitely don’t have to read Ah! Love to enjoy this, but if you would like the full context, you can find it here. Fair warning, the word count got away from me a bit...
Jeonghan is in the bathroom brushing his teeth when he hears Y/N huff. It’s loud enough to be heard over the scrubbing of the tooth brush in his mouth and he peeks his head out. He hasn’t live with Y/N officially for very long, but it also didn’t take long to do so once finally getting together. He’d kind of already lived a lifetime just trying to figure out how to get here and he felt a ton of relief in being able to say that he’s in a shared bathroom, next to a shared bedroom, in a shared apartment. He liked sharing things with Y/N. Loved it even.
“What’s wrong, baby?” He says through the tooth paste, careful not to dribble any on his shirt since he’s already dressed for work.
Y/N is digging through her side of the closet, tossing shoes around. “Can’t find any shoes to wear with this.”
He dips into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth before stepping out and giving Y/N a once over (or maybe a few times over) and finally says, “Boots? It’s getting kind of cold, after all.”
“Eh,” Y/N groans. “You're right, but I have to be on my feet a lot today. They won’t be very comfortable.”
“Oh. Well, then just wear your chucks. They’ll look fine with that,” he reassures. He thinks she could pull off a trash bag, much less sneakers and dress clothes.
“Can’t,” Y/N laments. “They ripped last week. Badly.” She pulls out another pair of sneakers, though far less loved than the aforementioned chucks that she's in mourning for. “Will this look okay?”
He nods, because really, what’s the difference between one pair of black sneakers over another at the end of the day? Her expression tells him there is most certainly a difference. “That’s tragic,” he says genuinely. “We’ll need to get you another pair.”
“Oh, yeah. But maybe next month,” Y/N says. Money is not exactly free-flowing for two grad students working entry level jobs and trying to afford an apartment in a major city. They’ve made it work, but he knows she’s aggressively penny pinching and will probably continue to for the foreseeable future. “Anyway, they were like ten years old. An incredibly long life for a pair of shoes I wore nearly every day.”
“Chan will be devastated. He puked on those. They were special.”
Y/N bursts into giggles, pelting a pair of socks at him. “You have no idea how gross that was! Wonwoo and I both almost threw up ourselves as a result of trying to clean that up.”
Jeonghan giggles too, returning the socks and kissing her. “Oh, I have no doubt. I had to take care of him that night, remember? I pretended he didn't exist for a week afterwards.” One more kiss to her lips and he finally sighs. “Don’t be late, I’ll see you later.”
“Love you!”
His heart still races a little hearing her say that so freely like it's an old habit, but he really, genuinely doesn’t have time to run back and kiss her again, so he yells, “Love you too!” on the way out of the room. He'll make up for it by smothering her with affection when he gets home later.
~
A few weeks later, he meets Seungcheol for lunch. They both work around the block from each other and regularly meet like this, mostly as a way to avoid the awkward lunch conversation with coworkers in their respective break rooms. It's also becoming harder to coordinate time to hang out now that their worlds center around a pesky little thing called full-time employment. Thankful as he is for it, he misses his friends.
They’re walking back from lunch when they pass a store and something catches his eye in the window. Jeonghan stalls out and Seungcheol raises an eyebrow.
“Are you shopping for you?”
Jeonghan elbows him in the ribs. “No, dumbass. Who do you think it would be for?”
“I know, I’m just messing with you,” he admits with a smile. “Her birthday is coming up, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but… you know how she is about gifts,” Jeonghan trails off. Outside of a single gift exchange for Christmas last year, gifts are just not something that the two of them do. Some couples do all of the gifts - birthdays, major holidays, and just because. He doesn’t know if Y/N will ever be that kind of person, no matter how much he’d like to spoil her. It’s equally endearing and frustrating how non-materialistic she is.
Seungcheol’s shrugging. "You've mentioned it… but this one is functional. She’ll use the shit out of this.”
It’s like a lightbulb goes off above Jeonghan’s head. Seungcheol’s absolutely right and Jeonghan has no idea why he’s hesitated outside of this store for so long. “You won’t hear me say this often, but you’re right,” he tells his friend. “You can go on if you want, I’m going inside.”
Seungcheol waves him off, saying he needs to get back to the office anyway.
~
Y/N’s birthday dinner is chaotic. Somehow, everyone managed to make themselves available. Seokmin even came into town to visit specifically for this. This dinner is at the tail end of a particularly hellish week for Y/N in grad school - one filled with a few all-nighters and presentations - in addition to working her normal hours at her full-time job. Jeonghan can see she’s burnt the candle at both ends and she doesn’t want to say anything to ruin the celebration, but Jeonghan will. He makes an excuse that it’s his turn with the birthday girl and lets them take it however they want as he guides her out of the restaurant. He expects the group to go bar hopping anyway, something that he knows Y/N would bail on in a split second.
In the car, he buckles her in, patting her thigh lovingly. “You did good, baby,” he praises, knowing how reluctant she was to show up to her own birthday dinner. She loves her friends and would never dream of disappointing them, but loathes that kind of attention being on her.
Y/N gives him a weak smile, “Thanks. And thanks for the escape route, even if it was kind of suggestive.”
Jeonghan laughs. “It doesn’t have to be suggestive, but it could be. That’s up to the birthday girl.”
He helps her peel off her shoes at the door and they both change into pajamas, piling up on the couch. He knows this is how she really wanted to spend her birthday, so he puts on the show that they’ve been binging and lets her cuddle into his side.
“Hey,” he pats her thigh eventually to get her attention, but he ends up waking her. She blinks up at him sleepily. “I got you something, but you can’t be mad, okay?”
Y/N frowns. “Hannie, no. You know I don’t need anything.” Despite the protest, he’s getting up to pull a box from a hiding place in the hall closet.
“Open it. If you still think it’s unnecessary, I’ll return it,” he promises, placing the box in her lap. She sighs, resigned, and rips the wrapping paper, scoffing when she sees the logo on the box.
“Hannie, you didn’t have to do this. I would have gotten another pair myself eventually,” Y/N scolds, hands brushing across the top of the box of chucks.
“I know, but I beat you to it. Take a look,” Jeonghan gestures.
Y/N looks at him, perplexed. “Aren’t they just black?” She doesn’t really wait for an answer, curiosity getting the best of her. Her jaw drops and she pulls out a glittery pair of black chucks. “No way,” she starts in disbelief. “No way!” This one is a little choked and he watches as she tears up.
“I couldn’t help it. I saw it and thought of you. You know I’ll always feed both your chuck habit and your glitter habit.”
Y/N puts the shoe back in the box, hands covering her face as her shoulders shake a little bit. He wraps her up in a tight hug. “Is this a good cry or a bad cry?” He asks, mostly because this happens so rarely that he’s not sure. He can count on one hand the times that he’s seen her cry, and she’s usually quick about wiping her eyes and moving past it. He likes that she's tough like that, admires it even, but also likes that she'll let her guard down like this in front of him. Like he's a safe place.
“Good,” Y/N answers, voice jagged. “It’s nice. Thank you, Hannie. I like that you see me. Really see me, you know?”
Jeonghan does. He’s always felt that way about her. When he met her nearly a year and a half ago, he was totally unnerved by how she saw right through him, but now he loves it. He wants her to know that he’s trying to get her the same way she gets him.
“So, I don’t have to return them?” He asks with a hesitant smile, though he thinks he knows the answer already.
Y/N gives a watery laugh, wiping her eyes. “No, you don’t. I’ll keep these. You’ll never be able to take it from me.”
“At least not for another decade,” Jeonghan muses. “I’ll find you another pair then.” He hopes her heart is even half as full as his is.
#seventeen#svt#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#seventeen imagines#svt imagines#jeonghan#Yoon jeonghan#jeonghan x reader
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Can I also shed light on something that is so problematic in the OBX production?
How did they manage to get THE BIGGEST plot point ever of the entire show in 5 years of work… leaked like that on the same day they filmed it? (‘cause boy there rumors we didn’t want to believe have been here since the cast was still in Morocco)
The unprofessionalism clearly is rampant in the entire production ‘cause that is insane, we’re not taking about a small independent production, this a massive Netflix production that should have a certain level of secrecy, this is honestly one of the reasons why at first I found it hard to believe those rumors, how could they possibly know? IT’S NETFLIX!
When I started to believe the rumors and A LOT of people were coming forward saying they knew it from reliable sources, I legit thought that it was because the scene was shot in front of quite a few background actors, around people in Morocco who could’ve seen it with their own eyes.
When I tell you my astonishment as I realized in the past few days that the scene was actually shot in what seems like a secluded location with only the main actors and main crew on set. It’s crazy to think that for this to have been leaked so quickly and rampantly it means that it got out from someone working very closely in the production of the show or someone very close to the ones who do, who else could’ve known?
Some people are going around saying “Rudy told everyone in Morocco he was leaving”…but quite frankly if you believe that you are Boo Boo the fool, I know we’re mad at him at the moment but this is an insane speculation and incredibly hard to believe, who in the right mind says something like that to strangers? He would’ve been fined by the network for probably 10 times his paycheck.
The fact that someone working on the show or someone close to them was able to leak something like this so quickly and freely is so problematic. What other big Netflix production has ever had any massive plot like that leaked like this? None.
This show has been fumbling BIG TIME for so many reasons also revolving the production and this post is already long enough as it is, but maybe I will explain another time how much I believe that even a lot of the bullshit and drama happening behind the scene with the cast was to some degree the producers fault for how they handled things from day one.
They always treated this massive Netflix production as if they were working on their independent college project with their friends.
#outer banks#obx#jj maybank#obx netflix#obx4#obx s4#outer banks netflix#obx cast#Netflix#jiara#jarah b#jarah#cleopope#rudy pankow#madison bailey#chase stokes#madelyn cline#jonathan daviss#carlacia grant#drew starkey
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Getting personal about grief under the cut because I need to ramble and word vomit a bit.
TW: Death, grief and suicide mentioned
I lost a longtime friend to suicide Wednesday evening. It was abrupt, unexpected, and incredibly jarring. It was a friend that I didn't talk to particularly often, but someone close enough to me that it has cut deep, and has me wondering if I had interacted a little more often or checked in just a little more if I wouldn't be grieving his loss.
A large part of my relationship with this person was rooted in grief when our best friend died when we were sixteen. Five of us became four of us, and as sixteen year olds trying to navigate the brutal and sudden death of someone we thought would be a staple forever bonded us in a way I will never have with anyone else.
And now... he's gone. Five of us became four of us became three of us, and I don't know what to do with that. Like what are you supposed to do when someone who felt like a co-survivor with you is gone? Because that's what it feels like - like I lost someone I survived something with.
If I have learned anything the last two days, it's that sometimes you just do not know. You can ask all of the questions and say all of the right things, and still you just... won't know.
Grief is weird. I feel fine and then I'm upset. I have five hours of normalcy like nothing happened and then I go through a stretch of sadness and agony. I forget then suddenly remember.
I just... needed to word vomit.
#this is me being very personal on main#and just sort of talking into space#tw death#tw grief#tw suicide
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I NEED MORE DN FIC RECOMENDATIONS PLEASE IM STARVING AND YOUR TASTE IS ELITE
God i love recommending fanfics !!! Here are a few of my favourites, under the cut... Apologies they're all Lawlight.
white chocolate roses by ruruka:
Light is a cardiologist and L is his terminally ill patient... Light being a cardiologist fits him so well as a parallel to who he is in. yk. canon.
incredibly beautiful story with an amazing writing style
it's also so funny at times, i'd catch myself giggling
it's my fav Lawlight fanfic. Ever.
Time Speaks by aSmallMoon333:
the plot is the work of a genius
the writing is amazing and overall it's a really beautiful and well thought out story
one of my favourite Lawlight fanfics too. i've drawn fanart of it + a few doodles here and there, i think it really inspires you...
Nights by youremyqueen:
I actually haven't finished reading this one but i've read other works from the author and they never disappoint me !!
i downloaded this one and have been annotating it, it's amazing
it's my friend's favourite Lawlight fanfic and i value her taste a lot so i know what i'm talking about !!
Fingertips by MasterAlgae:
i'm a sucker for whump sorry. Alway have been and will always be...
I followed it while it was still updating and my day was always better when i would receive that silly little email
i loved loved it. One of my favourite Lawlight fanfics...
Angst pain whump... but oh the fluff is good
it also has a sequel !!
You Don't Need to Say It (I Already Know) by vodka_auntle:
Have i mentioned i'm a big fan of whump because i am...
sickfic... i love sickfics so so much
Especially when my fav blorbo is the one who's sick. Yes. suffer, L. Suffer...
it's so domestic and fluffy and arghh i can't get enough of it. I've reread it so many times, it's such a comfort...
sugar and pumpkin spice:
Ok. listen. I'm not a huge fan of coffee shop AUs, but this one - this one is an exception...
someone sent it to me after i finished white chocolate roses and it was a blessing
it's cute and it can cheer you up and it's comforting and... Yeah !!
Light Yagami dinner party by LycanCoffee:
Very creative and philosophical
very character analysis-esque
i have reread it a ton of times actually. It's really good... very underrated too !!
Sinking down by rosade:
character analysis on L throughout the Kira case
it's canon divergent so not entirely accurate to how the story went, naturally
it's a great read !!
A Sugary Hypothesis by Zara_Zara:
So funny and unserious i loved it
i still think about it. At least weekly...
Thank you for this ask !! I obviously have a ton other fanfics i'd like to recommend but we'd be here the whole day...
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I can’t gif this because the video file is so corrupt but look how cute he and Enaam are pleaseee they were just kids 🥺 This is September 2014 so he was almost 15??? TEENSY TINY 15 YEAR OLD???
#lando norris#enaam ahmed#RFM karting crew u will always be famous#lando archives#*landovid#i'm being very rissa core with this archiving that was unintentional this was meant to be gif-ing practice#but okay like Ellie said in the gc this is TOTALLY a dude that would be bullied anywhere but he has this whole gang of boys that like#RALLY around him?? even though they're all competing. they LIKE HIM so much#like enough to still be friends to this day! it's incredible#day 1s man
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the other day i walked around the golden lake w my love and the sun was setting hot and orange and we watched a brown duck preening through the weeds, ducking her head under the dark water. the cool lake swallowed up my tired feet to the ankles and we counted the dog walkers with their curly panting doodles and their handsome german shepherds and their whip smart little terriers and we admired the careful construction of a sand castle whose moat held determinedly against the lapping of the waves. we could feel in our chests the persistent thunderous thumping of celebratory music at the finish line of the lakeside 5k, welcoming each gasping runner across its bounds. and i felt like crying. i felt like curling into myself and crying. we walked through the swamp of the bird sanctuary afterwards and listened to the woods sing and croak and groan and then we went and got ube and yuzu gelato and devoured it suntired and sweating on the couch in our living room. and i was so overcome w a deep and true unshakeable happiness and a sort of confused grief that i wanted to sob and sob and sob.
#i am so happy for the first time in my entire life#a consistent and true joyfulness#i am in love w my life#i want to stick around to see it#and i mean that w my entire being for the first time in my whole life#and to say that means confronting the first 24 years of my life where that wasn’t true#where i was miserable and heartbroken and unkind and dishonest and cruel#and i didn’t want to be alive#even when i was doing well i still didn’t want to be alive#for 24 years.#i had no fucking idea being alive could be so easy. i had no idea.#i want to hold myself and tell them i want to wrap myself up and say it will be BETTER#it will be so so far from perfect but it will be so so good you just have to hold on#i am so happy but i am mourning#i don’t know how to articulate it at all i just feel#happy but grieving#i LOVE this new city we live in i LOVE it here#i like my job enough to stand it for enough hours a week to get by#i have the time and the energy to throw myself into hobbies like knitting and cooking#i watch one or two good movies a week#i eat delicious food i’ve made and from restaurants we want to try#i’m IN LOVE. with my girlfriend in a way that’s so overwhelming and unlike anything i’ve ever felt that words don’t do it justice#i have friends who are gentle and patient with me when it’s hard for me to reach out#i am fighting agoraphobia tooth and fucking nail and i’m seeing the world and experiencing it#i laugh every day!!!! every single day!!!!#i have a goofy wonderful dog and an incredibly sweet cat#i talk to my baby brother all the time and he tells me he loves me and he’s graduating college soon and i’m so fucking proud#i wish i would’ve known how good it would all become#i wish i could’ve known#personal
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"Cuhut it out- you guys!" "Nu-uh, not until you're all perked up first! You don't want those gym challengers meetin' with an ol' mopey leader, do ya?" "Whitney's right, dear friend. No need to hide that beautiful smile of yours, alright?~"
What it takes to cheer up Johto's beloved ghost boy 👻💕
#some incredibly self-indulgent fluff for my own sake SKJDFSNDFS#Morty was having one of Those days where the weight of his responsibilities as leader and expectations as someone meant to bring back Ho-Oh#-felt a little too heavy to handle (more so than usual)#luckily his best friends (and mayhaps crush of nearly an entire decade) are here to take a stand against his low mood 🤼#I've been having brainrot of Whitney's dynamics with these two alrighttttt they all deserve to be silly with each other#best wingman award goes to this girlie for putting up with these two's mutual pining antics for years sdkfjskjdfh#the way I see it Morty and Whitney were besties way back before they had even become leaders (with Morty being the older between them)#there were definitely rumors going around between their towns about how they're an item#when the reality is that Whitney's more focused on winning the affections of the other cute girls she hangs out with#while Morty's a repressed gay lad burdened with religious guilt SDJFHUISJDNFS /LH /LH#the second Whitney caught wind of Morty actually developing a crush on someone you just Know she was on his ass Immediately#asking about aaall the details--who he is- what he does- how he dresses- if he could even conceivably pass her standards of how a--#--fitting partner for her best friend's meant to be#to which an incredibly exasperated Morty struggles to answer because Eusine is just beyond his comprehension /affectionate#when Whitney does eventually get to meet him in person the first time she most certainly takes a jab at his fashion sense SDKJFSDFNS#BUT they do end up getting along a lot better than Morty braced for- which was a huge relief to him#it soon reaches that point where Eusine's secretly asking her for details on the things Morty likes and how to possibly impress him#all the while Morty's asking her for advice on how he could cope with his feelings when he's still unsure on whether they'd be requited#Whitney finds the whole ordeal simultaneously very funny and perhaps one of the most frustrating things imaginable SDKJFSKDNFS#enough of me yapping thouuughhhhhh I should save that for its own post 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#pokemon tickle#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#gym leader whitney#whitney pokemon#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#eusine#lee!morty#ler!eusine
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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Happy Pi Day! Or... is it pie day? White day?
Whatever, today is something and I'm celebrating whatever it is with this ship I'm far too obsessed with for how little screentime they have.
#dwight in shining armor#disa#chlodwig#phoebe#....STILL need to figure out a good ship name for them#phoewig? chloebe?#the “oe” in both of those is the long e sound in my head. for clarity#well then just in case I will tag this post with both of those options#phoewig#chloebe#okay maybe that second one could be more of a. chlO-E-be#idk its an incredibly made up ship name why am I stressing over it so much#also if you are reading this far I shall serenade you with some history about this piece#it took me months and several iterations of this piece to finally finish it#which was incredibly frustrating because it felt for a while that everytime I came back my art had leveled up enough that I had to restart#from scratch because the different components simply would not work together#but finally I finished it.#...over a month before posting it BUT DANG IT PI DAY WAS WORTH WAITING FOR#also pretty sure that this is the last thing I completed before my friend forced me to figure out the pressure sensitivity in my tablet#and that changed my art style completely again it feels like but. alas. this is definitely the last of its kind#lou draws#WOWWWWWWW forgetting my own art tag#at least it's impossible to forget about this piece with how much I went through for it
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Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.
I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites 💙
Artist: Bright Eyes
How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out
What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)
If you could go anywhere: Lua
Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)
Your best friend: First Day Of My Life 🥹
Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset
If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not
Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again 🥲
Your fear: Waste Of Paint
Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n
#okay i made myself sad again#so little story time!#(okay i talked briefly about past suicide/sh struggles so be warned!)#First Day Of My Life is their most famous song AND is probably my mostest favourite love song in the entire world#like. this particular song means so much to me#there is this line that goes “this is the first day of my life. i'm glad i didn't die before i met you”#and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because that is just. so true. so pure#because for someone who was very suicidal and struggled with sh *just before* i met my best friend(s)#it's a lot. like. that could've been me. and yet i'm here. and i need to hold on more because there's still so many people to meet#and so many things to see and experience. i AM glad i didn't die before i met any of you#it's crazy to think how many things i would've missed if every single time i thought about about ending it i had actually done it#whack#also! nothing gets crossed out is incredibly depressing and poignant! if anyone is in the mood for that!#(most if not all of these are. once again i am incapable of choosing happy songs lmao)#tw suicide mention#tw sh mention#<- is this enough? let me know if i should use other tags!!!!#tag game#darya's mixtape#bright eyes
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i just think it's so funny that when *i* lash out and start bitching *about* management to my coworkers because of a stressful day at work, i get pulled into the office to discuss my attitude, but when a manager lashes out and bitches *at me* because of a stressful work day, i get a halfassed "oh sorry, but-" and i'm expected to roll over and take it.
#ace rambles#negative//#boss prompted us to stop talking and keep it moving. okay sure whatever.#i lightheartedly asked what the rush was because we were almost done for the day#boss immediately snaps and starts yelling about how she's been busting her ass and hasn't gone to lunch yet#and she's ''not gonna watch four people stand and talk'' while she busts her ass#we were standing there for maybe thirty seconds. i didn't put you in that fucking situation girl#you're flying off the handle at the wrong guy#and i just know that if i had lashed out like that at her it would have at BEST been another ''conversation''#and more likely i would have been written up#i guess it's just another reminder that she's my boss. not my friend.#because if she were my FRIEND i would have been able to explain to her that that was incredibly hurtful#and that it really could have been just a minor issue at most#but i can't exactly look my boss in the eye and say ''hey you major overrracted and really hurt my feelings''#i've tried it with other managers and it doesn't end well#and look. i'm no stranger to getting frustrated and losing my cool.#it's a thing i'm actively trying to get better about but i'm big enough to admit that i have a long way to go.#the fact that she yelled at me isn't even what's bothering me#it's mostly the fact that i did not get a real apology and i really doubt i will.#and if i try and bring it up tomorrow or later then *i'm* going to look like the one who's overreacting and can't let it go#which tbh i probably maybe am?#i think i'm probably being stupid but i have a bad history with yelling and anger#which i don't need to get into you guys know the origin story already#whatever man#i want to cry but i'm in public still
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reducing mike and el's love for each other to something that'll make their relationship stumble and fall if not evaporate when they break up will never not be like emptying a room and then walking in and wondering why its empty.
#like it would be great if there was fighting involved im not gonna lie#mike and el being like lets break up <3 yeah okay :D makes no fucking sense okay they're both lost#and neither reacts well to that kind of stuff. mike is incredibly defensive and el is incredibly determined to getting the truth#and she could very well scream and he might very well scream too if he's still getting defensive like a yknow like an ass#im not gonna say 'neither is' like ik whats gonna happen in s5 but i will say neither /should/ be soft enough for a mutual breakup with#no sort of angst when they're both at the very least conflicted (in different ways) because of their relationship#but aside from all that fighting what i mean to say is idk that i agree with the fact that the biggest issue with mike and el is that they-#-have no foundation like they could never work even as friends#when at the end of the day that is essentially just an anti-mi/even rage that falls flat when this could stop at friends.#they dont need to be in constant tension forever in order to go their ways like they've realized all they were to each other was kissing#theyve done countless things for one another there is love there. and it does not cancel out mike and will nor el being free from mi/even#its givin ''mike said im not scared of u to el but he said what is wrong with u when she got lucas unconscious so he is scared of her!''#big picture maybe#elmike
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#i joke about it and all but like. i cannot emphasize enough what an impact it had on me to be uhhhhhb#micro-institutionalized in the way that i was for the first 14 years if my life#and i am honestly going to count the time i soent in ''elementary'' school bc it wasn't a normal school. it was a charter school#that began as a parent organized alternative and swiftly devolved into an authoritarian nightmare#a bunch of people who were simply not ready to educate children let alone ''problem'' children#of which there were MANY because that school got all the kids who had been turned out of public school for behavioral issues#there were hardline rules about literally everything. normal childhood behavior was pathologized and punished and as a kid#you had no way to understand WHY#and so many of your peers were having problems because ofc those ''problem'' kids were typically severely traumatized#or were actively being abused#so even if it wasn't happening TO you you were being exposed to it in a hundred little ways every day#so i was confused and miserable all the time AND was struggling academically bc i had undiagnosed adhd#(or possibly just trauma?? i honestly neither know nor care which came first at this point)#so my mom pulled me and my brother out. him at 11 and me at 6 and said ''i'll just do it myself'' and#raised us in a way that wasn't religious but resembled evangelical or lds stuff#i couldn't watch commercial tv or listen to popular music bc my parents didn't want me exposed to what they considered inappropriate#and while i still had extracurriculars i was always the odd one out bc i had no exposure to pop culture or normal socialization#for my age group#it resulted in me always feeling alone and like i didn't belong. and since most of my social life was my parents and their friends#that was the perfect soup for adultification#i was fine with adults. put me with my peers and i was a mess#it made the transition to high school incredibly difficult but i DID make it#but that was only 4 years still in an institution. everything began to unravel once i tried to move into anything resembling ''real life''#and then my dad's suicide which was a major trauma in early adulthood which only made my mom's grip on us tighten#i did get to START life until 26. not really. and it's just been a game of catch up for the last 5 years#and im so *angry* at the unfairness of it all. at the time and experience and milestones that were taken from me. at how i blamed myself#for it for so many years and the problems i developed because of it all. dissociation and substance abuse and suicidality#the fear that still has a death grip on me#the courage required to just exist#it's *exhausting*
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