#like dont be sorry to me baby...be sorry to urself..literally

[badcountryofficial]

Weeeeeeeeeee yippeeeeee👼🌤✨️🐦🌈🌞🦋

This method is NOT recommended for the weak but going back until you get hurt so bad u no longer give into the urge DOES work. Why go back he found someone. I don't wanna go back and see more of that r u kidding. It made me shake n feel nauseous lol. SAD. But now I can move on and whenever I'm like "WAAAHHH I WANNA LOOK!! What if he's as sad as me what if this helps it make sense what if i get to understand and feel catharsis!!" it's like oh ya? Do u really think this will help u feel released at ALL? That it will help you understand anything????? Ohhh, probably not...? Ok, so u must wanna hear abt how in love he is w someone new then, right? How much he wants them?? That's what u want babe? 🤨🤨🤨 ...no 😔 ...yeah thats what I THOUGHT. Stay in YOURSELF. YOUR LANE. His business is NOT YOURS anymore he can do whatever he WANTS leave him ALONE. LEAVE THAT BOY ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[disneyprincemuke]

the best of (instagram) * driverkiddies

(series masterlist) | (📂 smau specials)

driverkiddies

liked by rockysroads, logansargeant and 4,429 others

driverkiddies everyone please say hello to my child, he’s a stray i picked up from the streets of australia that i named kidnapper

view all 487 comments…

logansargeant crazy how i didn’t join you at the club for one night and i woke up with a pet cat

rockysroads please address him by his name ty

user1 pet cat…? this is ur pet?

user2 BLACK CAT LOVER

user3 black cats are good luck… y/n wdc 2023?

oscarpiastri hehe meow.

driverkiddies no ❤️

logansargeant ???

landonorris did you get hacked mate wtf

maxverstappen1 tell ur cat to respect me

driverkiddies also no ❤️

rockysroads u heard the cat

logansargeant i cant even get it to like me

user4 RESPECT TO KIDNAPPER PLEASE

driverkiddies exactly these bitches have NO respect for my baby user4

alex_albon this is the only likeable member in ur household

rockysroads i might have to agree with you on this one

logansargeant saying that when i exist is crazy dawg

alex_albon huh logansargeant

williamsracing aww welcome to the family, kidnapper!!! 💙

rockysroads admin ur my baby’s godparents

logansargeant i literally pay for this cat’s litter wdym kidy/n

rockysroads do yall hear sumn

andrettiracing black cats are good luck!!!

sebastianvettel true

driverkiddies

liked by rockysroads, logansargeant and 7,429 others

driverkiddies “i think he’s starting to like me” - logan sargeant, 2023

view all 2,439 others…

logansargeant he is

rockysroads ur real funny

oscarpiastri did the cat tell you that, logan?

lilyzneimer that cat likes me more than he likes logan

rockysroads real

rockyskiddies rocky is my favourite

rockysroads so true rockyskiddies

logansargeant are u out of ur mind talking to urself in the instagram comments? rockysroads

rockysroads shut ur mouth logansargeant

sebastianvettel when am i seeing kidnapper again

driverkiddies i know ur a dog lover ❤️

rockysroads haha

sebastianvettel ur weird for answering me with two different accounts

rockysroads wdym thats kidnapper typing on the phone

sebastianvettel ?

logansargeant she bought him a pretend phone

rockysroads it’s a real phone

lilymhe aww, they’re getting along well!!! 💙

logansargeant not true, kidnapper took my spot on the couch

alex_albon understandable

driverkiddies u might be my favourite alex

driverkiddies

liked by logansargeant, sebastianvettel and 11,429 others

driverkiddies stubby puppy

view all 4,329 comments…

rockysroads i’m never letting u use this account ever again what kinda dumb ass caption is that

logansargeant u cant appreciate real art and it shows

sebastianvettel sigh

driverkiddies shut up 💙

oscarpiastri valid reaction

daltonsargeant boring caption

rockysroads that’s what i’m saying

blythesworld shouldve kept this ig account to urself sis

daltonsargeant what she said blythesworld

maxverstappen1 do u want another pet

sebastianvettel she does not.

rockysroads hi, u called for me?? what pet? hi?

logansargeant enough please

charles_leclerc what a cute puppy!!!

lilyzneimer is for me???

oscarpiastri girl shut up we’re not getting a dog

lilyzneimer lol haterrrr

nicolepiastri apologise oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri sorry lilyzneimer

oscarpiastri FOR FUCKING NOTHINGYGGGG lilyzneimer

dalt0ns my dog

driverkiddies you babysat stubby ONE TIME does NOT mean he is your pet please get a grip on life

daltonsargeant i’ll get u ur own dog

dalt0ns i knew i always liked u more than logan

logansargeant wow i cant catch a break

driverkiddies

liked by logansargeant, lilyzneimer and 10,492 others

driverkiddies logan had one job and it was to find stubby a Halloween costume and he couldn't even do that

view all 3,148 comments...

logansargeant wow

rockysroads u always make stubby feel like the non-favourite child

rockysroads it's sick

sebastianvettel why is logan ostracising stubby

rockysroads he hates stubby lowkey

logansargeant no i dont wtf i love him very much

lilyzneimer why does kidnapper get a whole outfit and stubby only gets a pumpkin :/

logansargeant I WAS VERY BUSY OKAY

rockysroads because logan plays favourites :/

logansargeant STOP SAYING THAT I WAS JUST BUSY

oscarpiastri justice4stubby

[brettsgoldstein]

can we please talk about woman of the hour because holy shitt oh my god dude. its actually so good and not even in the sense i was expecting it to be like i originally didnt wanna watch it bc i dont love indulging in serial killer media that can romanticize it but this wow. it does not do that at all like watching anna kendricks snippet of her interview with stephen colbert fr convinced me oh she gets it and well she really does. so many details down the the way its written wiith the back and forth and the way its shot really emphasizing the abuse women have to deal with. and the very first shot isnt even of this fucking guy its of one of his victims but it's thru a camera lens a literal objectifying lens. "people dont want to be seen, stop performing" *sheryl nods, like an authority figure is speaking to her* all the different ways women have to make themselves feel small at the sake of a man to ensure their safety and protection. when sarah experiences a very weird, very dangerous, gesture she laughs it off awkwardly because what else is she to do? that shot with just her in the frame head on clearly contemplating the truth of her situation figuring out if its worth it to even try and run. cut to a scene of sheryl doing something very similar but shes not in danger, right? but she sleeps with him anyway. laura no one is going to believe you not even your boyfriend are u really sure its the same guy you have to be 100% certain sure honey just wait right here ill get the studio exec for you since the cops didnt do anything oh yeah the guard at the desk sorry yeah hes such an asshole right? the men encroaching in the frame of the women make urself small no one's going to believe you he's not taking the hint just leave just leave im so stupid for letting him in everythings a risk, i don't date much haha, oh that's just la, dear. it's okay, baby, i'm just so embarrassed, don't look don't look believe me believe me okay now run. "stop performing" because to perform is to survive and sheryl doesn't want to survive she just wants to live.

[luv4divineruler]

kai anderson x fem!reader headcannons

MOVED TO @spectr3inl0ve

authors note: this is my first time writing headcannons so naturally it wont be top tier quality! i will try to write for gender neutral readers but atm im still trying to figure out my writing style and get comfortable with it :)

please remember that these are my headcannons i have for kai and may be out of character. i do however try to keep them as realistic to his character as possible as i prefer it that way!

contains ⚠️: kai anderson, slight fluff, kai being cold ig

kai anderson is not fond of pda, unless he initiates it. this would be when hes trying to make himself look like a good partner so the public perceives him as "an average man" (i will bring up the average man again)

his staged pda may look like: hand holding, swift kisses on the cheek, arm around ur shoulder and maybe around ur waist. he would be more likely to allow u to initiate it as well. he doesnt want to be viewed as clingy or touchy

in private he is tolerant of ur kisses (on his cheek, nose, wherever), hand holding, hugging, clinging to his arm, cuddling, resting ur head on his shoulder, etc. he probably likes it, but he would never let u know that

kai has invested in stocks and a few small properties. that, combined with his job as an app developer and his parents retirement funds allows him to live comfortably. and be able to spoil u.

that being said, his love language is more likely to be gift giving.

when u wake up with kai not being by ur side, sometimes a wad of cash ranging from hundreds to thousands of dollars (lucky u ;)) will be left in his place

kai may even be gravious enough to leave a simple note reading,

"*reader*, buy yourself something nice. K.A"

though sometimes he leaves the cash not for ur shopping but for u to buy groceries, household items and things that he needs such as clothes, razors, hair dye, etc. u dont complain as u live in his house for free and he makes sure ur health is at peak condition

dates arent common, but they arent rare either so sometimes he will plan take u on a date on the days he leaves cash for u to spend on urself. on these days, the money would be accompanied by a note reading,

"I'm taking u out to dinner tonight at *place* at *time*. Dress accordingly. If you would like you may buy me something to wear to dinner. K.A"

or something along those lines. If he doesn't leave a note he'll send a text and either way he'll sign with his initials. (will def write more about this so stay tuned)

he would never let u know that he likes (not to be confused with loves) when you buy outfits for him to wear.

he probably had poor hygiene before dating u. u would've had to convince him to take showers everyday and to wash his hair more. he would shower more, but would neglect his hair. when u wash his hair, u notice how he's slightly more vulnerable with u, less hostile.

when kai needs to re-dye his hair, he asks u if u want to do it, otherwise he'd do it himself or get winter (b4 her death) to do it

this isn't original (i read it in an amazing smut but i dont remember the @ 😭) but he doesn't pay attention to conversations or u talking to him while he eats. he's focused on the food in front of him. u use this to ur advantage, getting him to buy u lavish gifts he wouldntve said yes to buying if he wasn't eating.

doesn't really give compliments of assurance, only when ure literally sobbing in his arms or in a dark corner of a room.

"I've tought you to be stronger Angel. You should be secure with who you are. It makes you impenetrable. Untouchable."

he would tell u, as he presses a hard kiss to the top of your head

would definitely have pet names for u. probably animal related like Bunny, Little Lamb (a popular one associated with kai). he would also call u Angel, maybe babe or baby. I don't see him calling u kitten or queen. sorry

when u sleep u have ur back facing him, depending on his mood u could be holding hands or he could have his arms snaked around ur waist. if hes exhausted he may let u cuddle into his chest (idk y but i feel like he'd normally have a problem with that). either way, u always kiss him goodnight, whether that'd be on his lips, cheek, head, nose, or somewhere in between. he usually wouldnt reciprocate it, but if he's feeling generous he will

soo thats finished, i am definitely going to write some oneshots based on a headcannon or 2

taglist (dm or comment to be added): omg it looks so lonely rn

[tyunkus]

thinking thoughts on tyun x chubby reader who’s feeling insecure a bit because he works with literal models n idols on the daily n sometimes it’s hard not to start comparing urself, so u fall into a little spiral like that you start shutting down his affection little by little and anything sexual he tries to initiate and he just kind of snaps n gets a bit upset with you ?? eventually just cornering you when you’re fresh out of the shower one evening like you’re really not going to talk to me? and you’re staring down at literally anything but those big, dark eyes, lip quivering and when he sees it he softens immediately: i need you to tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, angel, just let me in and i can help, and when he realises why ur so distant he swears his heart breaks immediately because how can his perfect princess ever see herself as anything but breathtakingly gorgeous n he just coaxes you onto the bed with him to talk it out, get it off ur chest, let you let it all out before he ever tries to touch you in that way. n when you fall asleep from exhaustion after such a hard talk, he can’t blame you, can he? but you look so fucking cute in that fluffy robe, slipping off your pretty shoulders while you huff out steady breaths against his shoulder, the smell of your shampoo driving him crazy even more than normal after days of barely any physical contact with you. he’s so hard for you, but trying so fucking hard to just let you rest but when you shift positions slightly and unknowingly rub up against his bulge in the process, he knows he’s done for, a groan slipping out as his hips seem to chase after you for any kind of friction at all like they have a mind of their own. n u blink up at him sleepily, slowly, tae? what’s wrong? and he has you flipped on your back so fast, begging you to let him touch his princess again, see how hard you’ve got him, how could you ever think you’re any less than fucking delectable, a goddess. takes his time with you and showers you in so much praise that you’re clenching around his tongue so quickly, n he’s warning you gently to repeat after him if you want to cum, like he’d ever really deny his sweet girl her orgasm, especially now. n when you obey he swears he could come from your stutters of, o-okay, okay, i’m the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen, please tae, i need to- alone, n he was really just happy to get to taste you again and see your blissed out face after so long, just wants to make his baby feel good, feel pretty, but you surprise him by welcoming him inside again, too, your walls hugging him so good n tight and your soft curves surrounding his hard muscle so deliciously and. well. expect to be fucked so sweetly but filthily, warning you he’ll only fill you up if you never shut him out like that again, that you’ll come to him when you feel that way, n with his cock dragging against ur walls so good he knows you can’t do anything but agree, p-promise, tae, ‘m sorry, and he smiles that little satisfied smile and leans down to kiss your clammy temple, murmuring that it’s okay now, baby. all you need to do now is let me make you feel good, hm?

erm. maybe i got carried away …. SORRY ‼️

i just passed out GOD ANON CAN WE KISS UR BRAIN IS SO SEXY the way you should just make an account to write ur own stuff if u havent already LIKE ? THIS IS SO GOOD?? HELLO??? i dont even know if i can add much to this but..

just thinking about taehyun being so desperately horny for you drives me insanesjkhs. breath getting heavier, skin growing hot just seeing you and your perfect face and body. he loves you so much n his favorite way of letting you know that is by fucking you and showering you with affection at the same time. we all know how clingy he is, so not being able to touch you for so long has driven him to the edge, and seeing you like this and getting to be close to you like this just. melts his brain into mush. your hips rubbing against his clothed cock and all he can smell is your shampoo and conditioner and he can feel the warmth radiating from your skin like can you even blame him when he flips you over n immediately buries his face in your neck 😭 starts groaning into your skin, breathing in more of you, fuck, princess, you gotta let me touch you, please let me fuck you, wanna take care of you, want it so fuh- fucking bad, can't fucking do this to me- and you're gasping for breath while he sucks and bites at your neck, throat, collarbones..

sometimes sex with taehyun is SO devastating only because he gets you worked up just with his dirty talk... makes sure to describe every little thing hes thinking and feeling, hes so good with his words its sometimes frustrating LOL like there is no reason for that man to be breathing heavily against ur jaw and asking you if you like how hard his cock feels against you, scolding you for being mean, keeping him away from your delicious body for so long. taehyun making you wet with his words and also his tongue, so warm against ur pussy, hes honestly just making out with it at this point, spitting on it then licking it up again FUCK!!!! "you wanna come, princess?" he says, voice muffled from your hot cunt, n youre mewling and nodding down at him, cant even think straight, "'peat after me, i'm a pretty girl, prettiest fucking girl ever, got a perfect cunt for me to eat and fuck and-" all the while you're sobbing n bucking ur hips up into his mouth he feels so good.

AND WHEN HE ACTUALLY FUCKS YOU GHDFUHDFKV. his hands are all over you, roaming your soft skin n curves, n hes kissing you all over... calling you his beautiful, perfect, sweet girl.. tells you that if you want him to cum inside you're gonna have to ask nicely and apologize.. fuck, you're so mean for making him wait, do you even know how torturous it was to go even a day without fucking you? what a mean girlfriend he has, you have to make it up to him now!!! smiles so brightly at you after you apologize, makes you pinky-promise while he's guts deep inside of u that you'll never shut him out again :( n then hes back to pumping his perfect cock inside of you until you come :((( UGUGHKJSHDFSJFKHDSJKFNSDKJFHNSKM

[vivaladicamillo]

DRUNK!BRANDON DICAMILLO/GN!READER

im on a roll so ima js write until i cant no more, dico brain rot has been so bad so heres a little dico drabble ;))) enjoyyyyy

WARNINGS: drunkness, alcohol mentioned ofc, dico

———————————————————

one night you were at home. You and the so called “cky crew” had been friends since highschool, u were in the same grade as jess, ryan and dico so u all js kinda bonded. U were in ur 20s now, things were different bc u guys were adults, parties, drinking, sex, it was more common and less exciting. the guys decided to go out and have a “boys night” leaving u and ur cat alone at home, watching ur favorite movie. u ended up falling asleep on the couch only to be woken up around 3:35am by a loud knock at ur door.

u get up half asleep and wobble to the door, wearing only pajamas. u open the door to find bam, ryan and a very obviously drunk dico clinging onto bam for dear life.

bam giggles “yo you gotta take bran hes fucked!”

bam was also drunk but u can tell not as much

“what…” you says groggily

“js take him hes drooling on me!!!” bam shoved him towards you like a ragdoll and he bumps into you, swaying.

bam and ryan leave, ryan driving them away and now u have a drunk dico in ur home.

“y/nnnbnn hiiii!” he slurs, he gives a big goofy smile, cheeks flushes and eyes dilated, oh yea he was FUCKED alright

“hey brandon r u ok? u need some water?” you ask looking at his face

“hmmm ill take another beer!” he says and laughs

u shake ur head and yawn “here sit down and ill get u some water.”

you walk him over to your couch, sitting him down as u walk to the kitchen.

“ayeee what r we watching??” he gasps “i know what we can watch!! u got masters of the universe recorded oh god…i wanna watch ittt.” he starts to ramble as u run a cup under the tap and fill it up

ur cat gives him the stink eye as it watches him ramble, dico looks at it and starts mocking it jokingly. as soon as u walked in and saw him meowing at ur cat u knew it was over.

“listen im gonna go set up my bed, u can sleep in there if u want, or i cant set u up on the couch, im js exhausted right now.” u chuckle ad he looks at u with that wide eyed stare he always does

“hmmmm ill take the bed!” he puts his finger up and you laugh

“ok, come on big guy lets take u to bed.” you put ur hand on his shoulder, still carrying the water as u guide him to your room. he wraps his arm around you getting really comfortable

“wow i can believe ur taking me to bed…” he smirks going to make an obvious sex joke

“yea my bed, alone.” u smile back

the two of u make it to your room and he watches u make the bed, hands in his pockets, he pulled back and got a lot quieter. you put ur stuffed animals back on your bed and turn to him

“only fit for a king!” u joke and point to the bed, he smiles

“thanks y/n, your the literal best ever, best person ever born, i gotta thank ur mom more often” he chuckles

you nod and go to walk out of the room

“actual wait i have a awkward question…..” he looked a little nervous as she slurred his words

u turn to him and waited for his answer

“wanna sleep together?” he smirked

you stopped and looked at him “what??”

“nonono not like that, i feel bad letting u out on the couch…i dont mind sharing the bed.” he scratched his neck

“u dont have a girlfriend i dont know abt thats gonna jump me for sleeping in the same bed as i right ?” u cross ur arms and smirk, u always had a tiny thing for dico but he was one of ur closest friends, so u kept it underwraps

“i pinky swear!” he holds up his pinky

“fineeee” you agree, he jumps into bed, still fully clothed in jeans and a teeshirt, he even still had hid shoes on!

“BRANDON NO GET UR SHOES OFF MY BED!”

“sorry.” he said in a high pitched voice, taking his shoes off and getting under the covers

you followed suit, getting into bed and making urself comfortable, u felt a little awkward but he was ur best friend so, it wasnt that bad. he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, u knew from the soft snores behind u. shifting in bed, u turn to face him, his pretty sleeping face abt a foot away from your own. u smiled, he really was cute, in his sleep he ended up cuddling u, well by cuddling lazily wrapping an arm around you and then when u try to wiggle away he got u in a bear grip

u didnt mind, u gave up struggling and gave in to sleep, cuddling into his touch as u urself fell asleep

his soft breaths being ur lullaby

god u loved him

———————————————————

HOPE U ENJOYEDDD!! new format bc i wanted this to be more of a story than headcanons, i might make something similar with all the cky guys but idk i guess we will find out :))

[ditizygirl]

sorry but im too pussy to say this anywhere cause ik im going to get cornered at the town square and burned on a stake when i say this but, srsly editblr needs to stop normalising defending HORRIBLE people who have been called out WITH PROOF. Only because "oh they are 15 and has ____ disorder(s)!" or some lame ass repeat reworded excuse.

IDC HOW LONG YOU KNOWN THIS PERSON NOR HOW OLD AND WHAT DISORDERS THEY HAVE. learn to TAKE RESPONSIBLITY FOR BEING AN ABOSULUTE FREAK LMAO!!!! 😍😍😍 & LEARN TO TAKE OF THAT FUCKASS BABY TALK READING TQ DURING THEIR APOLOGY!!! no emily, you cannot 'improve' after an HOUR after a call out post has been posted. You are a stinky LIAR!! also ur apology was half-assed and obviously rushed like ermmm...???

i swear im in crazy town when i see everyone just brush over the most gut wrenching shit done by an individual. like.. you know what mean? i hope i sound coherent cause im still so petty and pissed off about this. it makes me sick to my stomach that when i opened up on my experiences with this person that literally some people were still bouncing HARD on their dick still. like erm.. what the hell! okay keep telling urself ur perfect lwittle piwnk gowddewss is an angel that cannot do wrong! that will carry you a long way!

also about the goddess persona, its so ass dude please keep talking in facts pls. plus its so annoying and overused. no dude i dont wanna call you a 'goddess' esp when im religious then i get my ass beat for not getting on my knees and worshipping you and ur flashbang of a blog. also wtf do you mean that blinding bright pink barely illegible blog is supposed to be 'cute' or 'aesthetic'. That is NOT 'aesthetic' or 'kawaii' it is fucking hideous never use the color pink again😁😁😁😁😁.

But please keep opening up about the issues on editblr. i hope a pipebomb isnt sent to ur mailbox tomorrow 🫡

~👽

I have like no words to add onto this is like my favourite ask please anon reveal yourself to me I wanna be friends

[moonrisecoeur]

GIRLIE!!!!!! keep talking to me like that and ur gonna make me blush !? /j /j

also its ok u dont gotta say that! i dont wanna bug you w personal life junk n stuff

also i getchu. im hella awkward too 😔✌ but shush dont call urself boring!! be kinder to urself, trust me it works, if u wouldnt call someone else boring then hun dont say that abt urself ok? 💕 trust me its hard but slowly retraining ur brain works wonders, i believe in u !! 💖

also like i fr do NOT know why my asks are like. sending multiples. 😅 sorry its been spamming ur inbox

oh and if u ever need someone to play re6 or summin w i gotchuuu, we finna throw hands over who plays as leon tho 😠 /J JKJK

-🐕

i’m TRYING to make u blush!! it was intentional!! acknowledge my effort!!!

it’s not bugging me baby :( i wanna know!! if anyone was mean to u i gotta know so i can kick their butt !!

i know i’m not actually boring or unlikable but damn it do feel like that sometimes 😞 i’m literally just a girl

no no no it’s not ur fault at all that it’s sending multiple times so u don’t gotta apologize!! it’s just funny to me

WERE NOT GONNA FIGHT BC I WANNA BE BBYGIRL HELANA

[onlyjaeyun]

FIRST OF AWLLLL hey twin🤭🤭 second of all what the actual fuck did i just READ. first we have yn and hee being all lovey dovey and my heart literally shattering at the my mom sent me you two line like that hit way too hard to home cuz i found enhypen directly after i lost my dad and they’re like a safe place to me now so like wow got me tearing up at 7 am on a random sunday and i just love their bond sm :(( they’re just so cute like their love idk how to describe it it’s so pure gentle and just so lovely and adorable like that’s the type of love that lasts even after life and continues going strong in heaven too ykwim so like i’m fr fr manifesting this w my future lover (minus all the angst) which speaking OF istg if sunghoon doesn’t take the news well or smth i will lose it and WHERE THE FUCK DID RATMIN COME FROM??? 😐😐 didn’t that bitch DISAPPEAR? i thought her ass skidaddled but I FR FR DONT GET HER MOTIVE 😭 like girl wHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT???? does she fr fr want hee or smth. like okay quick talk about girls who like boys that are CLEARLY taken you ain’t shit first of all second of all if you fr fr liked the guy and prioritised HIM instead of you aka his HAPPINESS you wouldn’t try to strip him away from smth that CLEARLY makes him happy let alone someone that he’s IN LOVE with just to satisfy your own ego pleasure and needs because you’re selfish unaware and a fucking pick me and a bitch as well like literally FUCK OFF let hee and yn be HAPPY theyve both went through so fucking much let them BE GIRL DAMN 😐😐 like u fr aint shit if u seriously think that making sunghoon know and snitching on their relationship will suddenly turn you into an angel in hee’s eyes if ur intentions drive sunghoon to making yn and hee break up. NO 🙅‍♀️ youll just be a bigger bitch in everyone’s eyes than the one you already are BUT ❗️ i don’t think she or sunghoon would be able to do that cuz we got jay and jake knowing about this and ning too i know she can fight a bitch if she wants to AND she has back up cuz i will literally bury that sumin bitch with my own HANDS but still ning doesn’t have to go that far one look into sunghoon’s eyes and holding his face going “sunghoon this isn’t you 🥺 this isn’t you baby look at me 🥺 this isn’t the sunghoon that we all know and love🥺” and boom world peace has been achieved. sorry for how horrendously long this was but i suddenly have the desperate urge to get in prison because of assault and battery (sumin) but aNYWHO even if we’re gonna endure 10 more chapters of angst it better have a good ending please 🙏🏼 moving on sending u so so so much love & hugs zadie i’m glad u enjoy my rants sm just as much as i like to spill all my thoughts into rants 😭 love you so much <33 take care of urself & ur health baby !! <3 (& pls i might seriously take up the deutsch offer cuz i’m so obsessed w the language but there are barely any resources on learning it online 😭 i learn better from watching videos so i’m literally watching gumball yelling in deutsch for like an hour a day and idk about the progress yet 💔 but anywho turkish is better anyways 🙄 [i suck at it too])

- ⁉️

BFIWNFLEMF BABYYYY THE WAY YOUR ASKS NEVER FAIL TO MAKE MY DAY LIKE :((( i lit always get comfy and sit down to read them because i love to read your thoughts 🥺🥺🥺🩷🧸 tysm for taking the time out of your day to send me these you have no idea what these mean to me and i hope you have the bestest of days my sweet love 🩷🩷🩷 and pls my offer always stands, just ask and you shall receive, i'd lit make up a new language for you if i could 💔😔

(still giggling and kicking my feet about this ask like this is lit whats going on in my brain before while and after writing a chapter 😭😭🩷)

[seeingivy]

baby, i wanted to cry🥹

you did my enchanted satoru request and i really really cant believe my eyes when i read them😭😭😭😭😭😭

im really reaallyyy reallyyyyyy dont know how could i thank you enough for giving the best story you could ever write there, and im literally just crying reading them because from the way i read it, i can see that you put every piece of your heart to make it sooooooo beautifully written like that😭😭😭😭

im seriously thankful to you for writing the request, really truly thankful. i really love how you executed the story and it will stay in my heart forever.

also, im really sorry that i put myself in anonymous cause im really shy to show my account and im afraid someone find me and that would give me anxious, anyway nvm about me, i just feel bad that i cant support you publicly through the comment because im scared someon would ‘see’ me there.

but i want you to know that im reallyyyyyyyy love you, i love your writing, and i really really really grateful for the request. i hope you realize how much im thankful for you rn.

pls take care of yourself. always knew that im rooting for you through the shadow. i love you bestieee<333

im sorry for the bad english there, bcs english is not my first language🙏🏻

omg I HAD TO DO UR REQUEST. not to say I have favorites of my own fics, but I totally have favorites of my own fics and king of my heart is SOOOOO one of them. ur idea made me so excited I just had to do it first.

and you're such a lil sweetie pie I'm so glad that you enjoyed it and that it was what you wanted!!! <3333 ur words mean the world to me and ur literally an ANGEL FACE!!!

also don't feel bad about putting urself on anon because I literally had a dream that someone doxxed me the other day 😭 LIKE WHY AM I DREAMING ABOUT PPL ON TUMBLR DOXXING ME I WRITE SILLY LITTLE STORIES ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS. but it's totally okay and I appreciate that you still go to the effort to tell me you like my work even if its in ur lil shadows

hope ur doing well nonnie and I hope you take it easy!!!! (and your english is not bad, as a fellow non-english native speaker I didn't even notice)

[lokissweater]

GIRLY POP I AM ON SHARK WEEK AND MY GAWD I BAWLED WHILE READING THE NEW GOJO FIC IM SOBBING 😭😭😭💞💞💞 readers sacrifice was so beautiful bc she’s right that there is no point in living if the love of her life is not there w her?????? like my girl was thought she was lonely her whole life but dumbo Gojo was like haha forget me 🫶 but omfgggg it was so well written pookie, like u surprise me every time w ur writing and it keeps getting better and better cjndskfoskode NO AMNT OF WORDS CAN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH YOU ATE IN WRITING THAT FIC UGH!!! Thank you for putting ur nic-ussy into that, I thoroughly enjoyed the 19k words pook 😻😻😻 and btw, fck you too rin, I could care less what u and ur goons r up to rn 😹😹😹 (btw when I read that yearning jelly toru part omf… my man was feral when he found out reader did do the do w rin… like okay sorry its not my fault, its YOUR FAULT 🫵😠)

THANK YOUUUUUU NICKUMS FOR THE FIC AS ALWAYS MUAH MUAH and pls don’t beat urself up for not posting on time, i think it’s cute u get rly excited abt ur fics that u HAVE TO TELL US (im always here to listen heh 😼 )

Ps. IM SO SORRY IF MY LONG ASS PARAGRAPHS R LONG I JS HAVE TOO MUCH APPRECIATION AND LOVE FOR U AND UR WORKS 😞😞😞🫶🫶

- 🎀

OMG DUDE BC MINE IS COMING SO IM FEELING THE SIDE EFFECTS AND I WAS BAAAWWLING WRITING IT IT WAS NAAWWTT FUNNNYYYY 😭😭😭😭 and no bc literally why the FAWK would she wanna stay in a nasty world without her blue eyed king?? 🤣🤣 SATORU YOURE SO MF FUNNY !! 🫵😐

LMFOAHAURID NIC-USSYYYY YOU ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE FUNNIEST SHIITTT omfg THANK YOU SOOO MUCHHH MY PRETTY THING I LOOVEEE YOUUUU 🥹🥹💕💕🫶🫶🫶 thanking the gods above that you enjoyed the latest drop 🥹🥹

AND HAAAAHAHAH BECAUSE NO LITERALLY EFF YOU AND YOUR MOM RIN BC HE WAS THE EPITOME OF STAAANNKKK !!!! i wanted to make him as horrendous as possible and i hope yall hate him just as much as i do 😻 my creation 😻 AND THE SMMMUUUTTTT RIIIGHTT ?? satoru was NOOOTTT having it and actually wanted to scrub readers skin clean and clean her mouth out with soap for that bc fym you let someone else inside you?? 🤣🤣 NOT ON MY WATCH !!!!

YOU ARE AN ANNGEEELLL SENT FROM ABOVE AND I ADORE YOU SO FUCKING MUUCHHH MAAANNN 😭😭💕💕💕💕 THANK YOU FOR BEING SO KIND AND GRACING MY LIFE, AND PLEEAASEE DONT APPLOGIZE FOR THAT I LOVE YOUR PARAGRAPHS SOOO MUCHH LIKE THEY ACTUALLY MAKE ME CRYYYY <3333

i hope you have the GREATEST rest of your week my baby blue bows 🥹💕💕 MWAAHHH !!

[peakypeakiiii]

Can I request a fanfic of Sunny and Mari just being siblings please?

ᵃ/ⁿ﹔ ʸᵃʸᵃʸᵃ ᶠⁱʳˢᵗ ʳᵉᵠᵘᵉˢᵗᵗᵗᵗ ⁱ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈⁿ'ᵗ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ᵗⁱᵗˡᵉ ᵒʳ ᶠⁱⁿᵈ ᵃ ʰᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵇᵒᵗʰ ˢᵘⁿⁿʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐᵃʳⁱ ﹕ˢᵒᵇ﹕ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁱ ʷᵃˢ ᵗᵒᵒ ˡᵃᶻʸ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ʰᵉᵃᵈᵉʳˢ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ᵒʷⁿ ⁽ⁱˡˡ ᵖʳᵒᵇᵃᵇˡʸ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ˢᵒᵒⁿ…⁾ tw; (slight)mentions of THE incident in the end i think..and that's it Pairing; SUNNY, MARI + OMORI , DW MARI (added the other sillies cauz i got bored...i'm sorri)

now that i reread this after posting this it's literally more like hc's not a fic IM SORRY I WROTE THIS WHEN IT WAS LIKE 2 IN THE MORNING (pls forgive me i'm just a silly little beginner writer :sob:)

DREAMWORLD MARI + OMORI !

idk why but this whole dynamic they have just gives off ''He asked for NO pickles'' sorta shit but OMORI just doesn't talk...

LIKE SOMETHING LIKE ;

''Excuse me, but he asked for NO pickles!'' (I DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT MARI I DID ZERO RESEARCH IM SORRY) and OMORI is just standing behind MARI or something like

I could see MARI (trying to) feed OMORI like a baby just to tease him or something...

definitely friendship bracelets. i can't stop thinking about MARI making friendship bracelets with OMORI....

MARI would definitely try to make OMORI smile or something like it's just THERE. that thought won't go away and i'm using this as an excuse to ramble about silly things AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

i feel like that MARI would be this protective ass sister

protective as in going mental on whoever says something bad about him and/or hurts him or sum shit

THESE ARE VERY VERY OOC HC'S BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE AT THIS POINT (i'm sorri)

overall 10/10 sibling dynamic would recommend

RW MARI + SUNNY !

(the silliest of sillies) (again. i couldn't FIND SHIT.) (+ BASIL mention)

oh god

i'm debating if i should make this into angst or just wholesome fluff.

fuck it im doing both i donut care

I feel like MARI would try to teach SUNNY how to play the piano

and ask if SUNNY can teach her how to play the violin

(it did not work out)

Hear me out. MARI and SUNNY trying on eachother clothes.

MARI would probably beg SUNNY or something for that to happen

I could see her going something like ;

''Oh please SUNNY! Just this once!!''

time for a bit of a silly little after the stairs incident :3 (IM SORRY FOR THIS)

I feel like SUNNY would visit MARI'S grave and have little picnics there (NOT IN A CREEPY WAY)

or bring her fav flowers/food ect

i could see him sleeping in her bed once in a while

idk why it just seems so...SUNNY

i feel like he'd have like a whole ass sketchbook of doodles of MARI

and like right next to each doodle would be like something like 'im sorry.' or something

SUNNY would most likely borrow BASIL'S photo album (BEFORE AUBREY TOOK MARI'S PICTURES OR WTV) and just stare at the pictures MARI was in

overall 8/10 dynamic i love it but too much trauma i had to witness

GAHHH IM SO SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION I HAD WHEN I FIRST READ YOUR REQUEST I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME

that was a lot easier than i thought it would be but my fingers still hurt... :sob:

words; i have NO IDEA

ANYWAYS BYEBYE TAKE CARE OF URSELF POOKIE DRINK WATER + GET REST + EAT WELL + ILY!!!!!

[flwoie]

long ask ahead (im so sorry)

hehe hmmm i don’t rlly have a fave trope besides protective characters and fantasy!!! i love it when the ml just comes up and defends the reader and like, pushes them back and steps in front of them and uses a deep voice (like felix from stray kids cuz he has a GREAT voice) and then the bad guy goes and then he turns around and looks at the reader and IT GETS ME EVERY TIME IM NOT KIDDING!!

I also don’t like bully x victim fics. there’s also a lot of bullying in the philippines (where my fam is from) and then i experienced it pretty bad too. it’s just usually upsetting to read and i can’t forgive any of their excuses in fiction, it just feels disingenuous 

…and yes, i did send u an ENTIRE ESSAY OF JUNGWON LMAO!! he’s my baby. i am attached. completely. i think he’s becoming one of my many hyperfixations. 

DONT MENTION HIS DUALITY!! IM SENSITIVE LMAO

and help those pics,, ugh i wanna squish him he’s bby

also, i legit had a full on convo w the admin of kfn (who is also an engene,, who knew??) and we were just simping over en- and she was like “oh man, sonata is gonna love u when u tell her this” and im like “I HOPE SO AFTER EVERYTHING SHE PUT ME THROUGH (aka the jungwon photos lmao)”

also,,, i rlly wanna unveil myself now cuz getting to know u and become friends w u made me realize I CANNOT KEEP ANONING FOR U FOR A MONTH?!?!?! i wanna spam u with heeseung already 🥺but i will continue on, im just so excited!

mwah! have the best day!

-3

YESS PROTECTIVE CHARACTERS AND FANTASY >>> those type of characters are just immaculate (and whenever they got a deep voice like felix, it got me swinging my feet)

yeah bullying is the worst, i don’t know why ppl romanticize it 😟

LMAOOO ATP U CAN PRACTICALLY SEND ME A THREE PAGE ESSAY ABOUT JUNGWON AND I WOULDNT COMPLAIN AT ALL (he’s the best!!!) keeping my mouth shut about his duality can’t make any promises tho LOL he can look so baby yet so fineee, i wanna fight his parents for making him this cute and hot 🙈🙈

and the way i started giggling and screaming when i was mentioned 🤭 I ALREADY LOVE U FOR YOUU and yes whenever i will answer ur asks i will add won pics 😈😈

tbh u do u, u could literally unveil urself rn (or maybe not, who knows 🫢) i cannot wait for the amount of hee i’ll have in my inbox once u reveal urself. i’ll be honest i’ve been doing some detective work aka trying to find out who you are and i gave up 😭

anywayss have an amazing day/night!! hugs and kisses <33 🫶🫶

more wonnie pics 4 u <33

[ineffableplanet]

i am so sorry

Jack Harknes (jh): WHO?? WHERE IS HE LET ME AT HIM GRRRRRRRRR  

me:AWOOP JUMPSCARE JEEZ U SCARED ME  

jh:hah that's wat ianto said shen i first kissed him ahahahaha  

me;GIRL HE WAS FULL UNCONCIOUS HE COULDNT FUCKIN DRINK TEAA BITCH  

jh:well- i can exoplainn i was uh- cpr, he couldnt breath so yknow i did what i had to do. 

 me: ON THE LIPS??AFTER U KILLED HIS GF  

jh:wellllllllllll its uh complicated? 

anyways now hes gone TERRIFYING that show was TERRIFING AND weird? damn tw writers u guys were on smth  

jh:terrifying?? say less... that reminds me of my ex (￣3￣)  

me:╭ಠ_ಠ oh oh god. which one? do i waana knowww? no. i do not. i did not ask. nor care.  

jh:wellll yknow how babies are made-?  

me:no i actually dont, somehow u managed to get pregnant w them multiple times sooo enlighten me rn. (idc)  

jh: well, yknow when ianto, when two people love each other veryyyy much  

me:stick to u patience i mean ur story smth is wearing thin and i think its my nerves  

jh:mhm😏anyways  

me:GOD BITCH UR NOT THAT HOT IM NOT FLIRTING W U STOP FUCKING FLattering urself im literlly just hot and talking  

jh:mhm sure. thats what they all say- 

 jh:anyways jh:when ianto iantoed his iantussy into the instatute i was like 'dayumm i wanna toot that fruit' if yknow what i mean. 

 jh: buuuut- it wasnt the right time so i retconned his memory instead :)  

me: GIRL U PROBLEMATIC BABAYGRILL U CANNOT WIPE SOMEONES MEMORY JUST CAUSE U THINK THEYRE HOT AND WANT THEM TO WORK W U SO U CAN HAVE AN EXCUSE TO MAKE OUT W THEM IN AFTER HOURS (im looking at you - all torchwood staff cept the cool lesbians, but you YOU gwen and ianto im sorry u sweet sweet hot little victims at the hands of ur literal BOSS talk abt power play. not to mention the age gap... how old did jack harkness say he was anayway?? fuckin old creep i knew it. breaking up families (gwen n rhys wedding) one mpreg at a time (it was actually shapeshifting aliens?? wtf thats what they all say.) 

 jh: uh  

jh: if u would let me get a word in  

jh: so i was like  

jh: well  

jh: Ianto iantoed his lisa into his work (OUR) work (the institute) buried under the millenium centre and that ione fountain in cardiff  

jh:i'm getting off topic  

jh:anyways bro snuck his sneaky link (gf) into work (very bad and illegal) (shes a murdering half cyborg in a sexy suit, and shes homocidal n wants to convert everyone)  

jh:gdamn she was hot. i mean i'm not into metal but i'd let her play w mine anytime ifykwim 

 me:ewww gross i did not need to know  

jh:my metail... fillings? in my teeth? she can try to turn them into lil cyborg mice anytime😏 

 me:GIRL Y U SO H0RNY GO TO H0RNY JAIL NOWWWWW OUT 

 jh: well ianto lisaed his liasa (murderious sexy gf) into OUR work so i was like uh imma be a BAAAD bitch boy and go like blahh blah bleh blah lemme at hurt i wanna end this distruction (kill her?) idk i forget  

jh: smth like 'i'm jealous of ur relation ship lemme innnnn@'  

jh: I WANNA JOIN IN  

jh:yeah ik im ur boss but likee  

jh: yeah, whats ur point???  

me:idc anymore finish the fuckin story PLEASE im suffering 

 jh:thwen i was like 

 jh:oopsie  

jh: oh sorry but i k!lled ur ex btw :3  

me:... what?  

jh: i uh tend to do that rather alot... 

 jh:😅  

jh:oopsie  

jh:so  

jh:im sorry i couldnt resist  

jh:like i cant resist u (●'◡'●)  

me:STFU jh:anyways hah  

jh:you can always k!ll me next time ;3  

jh:ifykyk 😏  

me: YES IK  

me:UNFORTUNATELY  

me:TERRYFYINHG UR TERRIFYING "JAAAAAAAAAAACK" WHO TF LET JACK OUT OF HIS CAGE  

jh: dw i dont bite, unless u want me too-  

me:GTFO ME  

jh: dw i dont bite  

me:TW GET UR FUCKING DOG OFF ME  

jh: i dont bit ;)  

me:YES U FUCKIN DO  

me: YOU MAY NOT D!E BUT U DO FUCKIN BITE- and kill everyone else  

jh: that  

jh:that was toooo far man  

me:amiwrong  

  jh:well no-  

me:exactly.  

gwen:JAAAACK  

gwen:finally found this stray  

gwen:to jack where tf were you??  

jh:uhhhhh- 'flirtying' w this hot smexy stranger  

me:NO  

me:that is NOT WHAT HAPPENED  

gwen:dw hes like that with EVERYBODY  

gwen:fuckin terrifying  

gwen: he even tries it on w me  

gwen; I even got the sweetest husband everywhere-  

gwen: i- mean jack is FUCKING EVERYWHERE  

gwen: even trying to stop my wedding smh  

gwen: hes so fucking cute and hopeless  

gwen: my gay bsf gwen: hes so cute w his bf aw  

me; like you and owen?? or did i misunderstand  

gwen: YOU TOLD U ABT OWN IM OVER THAT BITCH  

gwen: FUCKIN MYSOGYINISTIC BITCH LYING SCHEMING MFER  

gwen: TOXIC MASC OR SMTH LIKE THAT BITCH FLIRTED TOO MUCH AND ENDED UP FUCKING IN A WAR RING FIGHTING A POOR FREAKING WEEVIL  

gwen: janet is a very peaceful creature, poor girl.  

me:peaceful like sue? suzie? or is that a sore spot  

gwen: WHO TOLD U ABT SUZIE IM OVER THAT B!TCH  

me: uhhh idk  

me:shes how u got ur job- rights ur her replacemnent or smth>?  

gwen: someting like that.  

gwen: what do you want to know.  

Gwen: im part of a very special top secret government organisation of bisexuals so i cant share the state (of wales) secrets  

me: mmhm mhm sure  

me: and what about andy?  

gwen: who?

me:yknoww  

gwen: nah i dont thats a common name

me: ur bestie ... the cop bestie

gwen:ohhhh him

gwen: dw abt him we were childhood frinds

me:to lovers?

gwen: only in hisdreams ahahaha

me: is norton in his dreams too?

gwen:who?

me: youknow- norton -the gay posh twink in the past

me: he used to work for torchWOOD

me:fighting against nazis or smth like that

me: he was norton's sneaky link

Me: or the other way round i forget

gwen:wHOOO???

me: yes doctor who thats the show ur in

gwen: huh i actually dont know tf ur talking abt lemme call my bestie rq

gwen: ANDY ANDYYYYY DID U FUCK A DUDE

gwen: A DUD WITH A reads notes (the notes are a map a map of london) LONDON PLACENAME AS A NAME?? SMTH LIKE NORBERT

andy: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no?

gwen: NORBERTA?? NORTONIO

andy://??? who?

gwen: AHHH NORTON FOLGATE

andy: who tf names their child that

gwen: i could ask ur mum the name thing

andy: jeeez no need to be insensitive

gwen: stop playing dumb w me boy, jack does it far to fucking much and dont get me started on owen. ianto is bbygrl tho can sorry could do no wrong

andy:what happened to your frind ianto?

gwen: YOU DONT WANNA KNOOWWWWWW DONT ASK PLS ITS SENTITIVE

andy: alr babes andy: just like ur 'msrriage' with rhys

gwen: DONT INSULT MY MARRIAGE U DONT KNOW ANYTHING BOUT ME ANYWAYS MMHMMPH

andy:jeezz bloody hell sorry babes did a touvh a nevreve sweetheart?

gwen: NOT SWEETHEART G W N G.W.E.N. ONE SYLLABLE

andy: right fine sure, why tf u so shirty gwen: IM NOT SHIRTY UR SHIRTY ITS JUST what idk im reminded of my ex...

andy:jack?

GWEN; DONT BRING THAT FUCKING BITCH MFING BITCH BOY INTO THIS

andy: damn i thought he was ur boss- guess i touched a nerve there

gwen: guess you could say that..,,,,

gwen: was actually gonn say owen but yknow...

andy:WHOO????

andy: youve been with rhys for how long???

gwen: a loooooooooong time, look dont ask what u dont wanna know.

andy: babes if i knew u was available i woulda slid into ya dms if yknow what i mean 😏😏😏

Gwrn:GROSSS!!!! ewwwwwww MEN

gwen: YOU SOUND JUST LIKE JAVCK

andy: KNEW IT ur not over ur ex are u

andy: ur in a lavender marriage to cover up you 'REAL' relationships but i guess im not included in your FAT secret

gwen: WHT DID UJUSTCALLMYNHUSBANDSHESNOTFATHESJUSTBIGBONEDILOVETHATSWEETTENDERCUDDLYTEDDYBEARWELSHBOY YOU DONT KNOW ME BITCHHHHHHHHH ANDY FUCKING SKINNY STICK STREAK OF PISS WELSH BOOY U DONT EVEN HAVE MUSCLES

andy: i dont see ur point- rhys doesnt even have muscles either- its all f-

gwen: IRRELEVANT

gwen:DONT TALK ABT WHAT U DONT KNOW

andy: yourlove life? girl wereve been knowing each other since we were kiddies

andy: i had no choice but to listen to your lovelife MY WHOLE EFFING LIFE

gwen:......

andy: not my fault a USEd to have a crush on you-

gwen: YOU USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON MEEE?????? EWWWWW WTF WEIRDO WHY TF ARE MEN SO WEIRD IMIGHT TURN LESBIAN

ansdy: AHA

andy: KNEW ITTT

gwen: SHUT UP IM NOT

gwen: NOT A LESBIAN or A CHEATER

andy: and im not weldsh haha sureeeeeeee

gwen:STFU

gwen: SOOOO NORTON sexy old streetname guy from the past

andy: hes not gayyyy

andy: he just found me sexy so he erased my emmemory-....

gwen: yiked sounds like you were... a victim im sorry bro

andy: nah its chill he was HYATTT GYATTT damnnn

gwen:????? i thought u said u didnt know him,,,,,

andy: i dont just like you dont know what happened to owen. or tosh. or ianto

gwen: DONT TALK ABT MY DEAD COWORKERS LIKE THAT DOENT DISRESPECT THEIR LIVES LIKE THAT THEY DIED FICGHTING FOR GOODDD AGAINST THE UH EVIL ahem aliens

andy: did u just say aliens?? my bestie finally going crazy

oooooooooo i wonder what lies lurking underneath… in there- hiding under the doctor who fandom? it looks alluring? but somehow scary? wtfff. well i may as well see a peep i mean ive seen a few edits of that janto character or Lanto idk what dudes name is anyways.AHHHHHHH BISEXUALITEAAA. i. was. not. ready for that? it was an interestinggg_- show for sureeee. yup tis abt aliens n allat, yknow haha nervous laughter hahahaha typical scifi show FORADULTS amiright? am i right????? NO GUYS I AM NOT into aliens. yes cap jack is diff he is NOT an alien… just uh immortal? and from the far future? a bi playboy who is lowkey a scammer and can never d!e hung up on his timetravveler ex who he never got over- yes. mhm yes he does end up as a massive head in a jar THAT IS IRRELEVANT. it happens wayyy later. mpreg? yes unfortune ately that is canon too. but we can forget. if we close out eyes- and ears? and retcon our own memory for blissful ignorance's sake. anyways enough of jack that bitch takes up enough of his face on my screen. hes always fucking (smth up) how has he managed to be WITH LITERALLY EVERYONE??? 9,10,rose,gwen,ianto,13,uh aliens, that one homo(cidal ex) from the furture (im looking at u john hard i mean john hart u big hunk of a cold blooded killer awww), that hot twink on titanic, noton folgate (idk and idc if u guys met but u deffo fucked sry dont make rules, martha i mean u tried sorry u were both hung up on the same ex (10), i bet jack wouldve even had smth going on w the master. or is the master still not over their and the doctors RIVALRY with(✨sexual✨) tension. not saying im jealous buuuut hes a way better at his job than me (being bi) (im just bi-myself) anyways i admire jack's dedication uhh he sure is NOT BI himself. ever. if he can helpit. the end of the world cant even stop that mfer. evenhis eefinh brother buring him SLIVE did not stop that bitch. he had perserverance ig? oh and his ex's severed hand in a jar as a mememnto ig. talk abt never getting over u exes. phew. jack harkness is gone now? well yipe thank god that BITCH is gone now i have am able to talk abt that mfing CAPTAIN JACK FBOY HARKNES THATS NOT EVEN UR NAME??? U JUST STOLE IT FROM SOME TWINK SOLDIER U HAD A MOMENT W ONCE fucks sake. u certainly do doomed yaoi VERY WELL ya put the 'doomed' in yaoi and enemies for lovers. andways maffive head in a jar aka face of boe ur gone now. ur not?? ofc ur birthname started w a j. its always the fucking j names. what was it again? jason? jarvis?? jaxon?? james-? idek anymore anywas now i can finally talk shit abt him in peace the problematic bbygrill

[haruhey]

chronological thoughts of THE WALKING DEAD FINALE???

- im literally SO EXCITED

- SOMEONE HELP JUDITH SHES LIKE 3

- NOOO THE STORM TROOPERS

- lmaooo daryl got got

- omg judith doing the absolute most rn

- im sorry passed out daryl is such a funny shot

- if i dont see rick i will throw a fit

- OMG first girl off my list

- CAROL LEADING THEM IKTR ❤️

- OMG JUST A HARD CUT??

- aw omg i feel so bad for him

- NOO 5 MINUTES IN AND IM SOBBING BYEEEEE

- NOO I LIKED HIM A LOT

- I HAD FAITH IN HIM

- they r really going thru it

- OMG MY HEADCANON OF HIS BLOOD TYPE WAS RIGHT???? im publishing that fic rn

- stop sharing looks ur gonna make me scream

- judith if u die im gonna kill u

- PRINCESS SAVUNG UR MAN FRRRRR THIS SHIT IS VALID ASF !!!

- NEGAN GET AWAY FROM MAGGIE GET AWAY BACK

- THAT TRUCK IS MASSIVE

- COCO IS SAFE COCO IS SAFE IM GONNA SCREAMMMMMMM THIS SHOW IS SO AWESOME

- omg judith is alive thats so legendary

- she had plot armour anyways

- tender daryl ik he slayed ❤️❤️

- JUST KEEP HER BARRICADED

- omg ik it

- omg who tf was that that died

- UMMM they’re fucked

- i would simply die i could not survive this sorry to daryl but im different

- CLIMB FASTER ROSITA’S GONNA DIE

- SHES GONNA DIE

- ROSITA SLAY ROSITA SLAY

- my heart is literally beating out of my fucking chest holy shit

- omg i forgot about tomi i hope he survives

- tomi is kinda…

- hey tomi….?

- I CANT BELIEVE THEY DID THAT TO MY GIRL LYDIA

- NO JERRY IS GONNA BE FINE HE HAS SO MANY KIDS HE’LL BE OKAY IF HE DIES I’M GONNA THROW A FIT

- MAGGIE DOESNT NEED SHIT FROM YOU NEGAN

- whatever negan i hate you i hate yoy i hate you so much i hate you sooooo much

- at least he’s apologizing genuinely now

- ok coco is so cute

- EUGENE IS SO CUTE MY PATHETIC BABY

- look at how far he’s come

- NOOO SHE GOT BIT NOOOO

- ur really cramping her vibe rn eugene get over urself

- I LOVE THEM SO MUCH UR HONOR PLEASE 😭😭😭

- rosita it should have been gabriel ik im so sorry it should have been ME

- CARYL PARENTS 🫶🫶🫶🫶

- THEYRE KILLING PEOPLE????

- ummmm

- EZEKIEL SLAY ily ily

- omg caryl just radio silent

- OOOO BIG BAD FIGHT BIG BAD FIGHT SLAYYYY

- OMG THAT GIRL FROM THE KINGDOM IS STILL HERE thats so awesome i love her

- YOU SHOT A CHILD LMAOOOOOO

- HOLY SHIT THAT IS SO MANY WALKERS

- slay gabriel

- omg daryl gained consciousness

- JUST ALL FIGHT THE WALKERS I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER YALL HAVE A COMMON ENEMY

- SLAY DARYL SLAY

- KILL HERRRR KILL HERERR

- JERRY IS ALIVE IK MY MAN WOULD MAKE IT IK IT JERRY I LOVE YOUUUUUU

- lmao lance

- she fucked him ik she did

- sniper on the rooftop

- OMG A ROCK DIVERSION

- i just know @belatalbotgf is getting flashbacks

- omg they have little codenames thats awesome

- OMG THEYRE BLOWING THEM UP

- simply a rick parallel

- OH MY GOD THEY BLEW UP EVERYTHING

- carol looks so hot rn im sorry im distracted

- SHE IS SO PETTY I LOVE HERRRR

- omg leaving w her boytoy in tow that’s such a power move

- i wish maggie would just be toxic and kill him

- GLENN WAS BEAUTIFUL I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE LIKE THAT AGAIN SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP UR CRAZY FOR THIS MAGGIE

- MAGGIE SLAY DONT FORGIVE HIM

- BECAUSE ALL I HAVE ARE MEMORIES AND I DONT WANT TO REMEMBER GLENN LIKE THAT SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPP

- OMG A MEAL LIKE RICK’S DREAM SEQUENCE

- CAROL LAUGHING SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL 🫶🫶🫶

- omg negan giggling and blushing after daryl nodded to him

- YES A SAPPHIC COUPLE

- NO ROSITA PLEASE

- NOOOO ROSITA

- oh judith knows what’s up

- MY GIRLIES PLEASE 😭😭😭 THEY DONT DESERVE THIS IM SORRY ROSITA IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEE

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME PLEASE ROSITA YOU DIDNT DESERVE THIS

- THE SHOT OF HER SHAKING HAND WHEN GABE GRABBED COCO THIS SHOW IS SICK AND TWISTED

- TIMESKIP

- omg he named his kid after risita

- EZEKIEL IS THE GOVERNER SLAYYYYYY

- MICHAEL MERCER LOOKS SO HAPPY PLEASE THIS IS SO CUTE

- CONNIE AND DARYL ARE SO CUTE

- STOP WAIT JUDITH R U KIDDING ME NO WAY

- fuck its negan nvm i thought it was rick whatever

- CAROL SHORT HAIR AGAIN IM IN LOVE

- EVERYONE LOOKS SO HAPPY SHUT UPPPPP

- carol is so gorgeous beautiful and show-stopping im gonna cry

- omg maggie sent daryl to france

- STOP STARING AT HER LIKE THAT IF YOURE NOT GONNA KISS HER DARYL

- I WISH YOU WERE COMING WITH ME

- SHUT UP??? THIS IS??

- no i can FEEL this sadness shut up

- STOPPPPP

- JUST KISS GUYS

- JUST KISS

- STOPPPP THE CUDDLE BY THE LAKE???

- A HAPPY ENDING WITH CAROL SHUT UP GUYS

- THE FUCKING I LOVE YOU NO FUCKING WAY

- THE WAY HE LEANT INTO THE KISS

- THEY SAID I LOVE YOU

- HE CANT STOP STARING THIS IS CRAZY

- WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD 😭😭😭😭

- THEY SAID I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER

- RICK AND MICHONNE SHUT UP

- RICK GRIMES RICK GRIMES MICHONNE GRIMES MICHONNE GRIMES

- HERSHELLLLL

- michonne hello??? she looks so??? good???

- RICK GRIMES PUT THOSE DOGS AWAY

- CALLBACK TO HER INTRO

- LEAVE RICK ALONE LEAVE HIM ALONE HES GOT PLACES TO BE

- WE’RE THE ONES WHO LIVE

- leave him alone 😭😭😭

- that was crazy i cant believe it’s over (i will not be watching the daryl spinoff)

- maggie looks so good in dead city????

- i have now fallen back in love w the walking dead this is the best show ever

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this