#like do i still wish jemily would happen?

[multifandomangel]

PLEASE let it be known that not all jemily shippers hate will! like i wish i could hate him! but the truth is he’s a great husband to jj and an incredible father! he’s kind and understanding and always there to support his family!

[railingsofsorrow]

do you need me?

[spencer reid x reader]

summary: the one where emily's death takes a toll on you. based on the prompt “don't come over, I can handle it.” from this prompt list.

pairing: s.reid x gn!reader

w.c: 3.5K

warnings/content: mentions of skipping meals; grief; mourning the loss of a friend; jemily (implied); blood; non-graphic descriptions of violence; character death (mentioned/not the MCs); addiction; intoxication; survivor's guilt; crying; unhealthy coping mechanisms; this is... heavy, be aware.

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! I wish that we all have an amazing 2024. here's the blurb you voted for. hurt/comfort at its best <3

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❝ it did not kill me and it did not make me stronger. it simply was and always will be scorched upon my heart. ❞

— d.j

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You don't know who took Emily's death the hardest. Pain is not something that can be measured or compared, people deal with it in different ways. Some are quieter in their grieving, others are loud. And although each one of your teammates knows how to compartmentalize their feelings, there was a fog in their eyes, a heaviness in their shoulders more than usual. Things you could relate well after all that has happened. You wish you didn't. You wished all of that was just a strange and far-off memory.

JJ was different — you noticed it during one of your night outs.

Penelope had forced everyone to hang out after a case, to relax. It had been a few months after what happened to Emily and the team was still... sore. Rightfully so.

Hotch and Rossi left earlier, leaving you, Derek, Spencer, Penelope and JJ at the bar. The only ones who weren't intoxicated were you and Spencer. You were pretty sure the conversation Penelope and Derek were having in their own little world was not PG-13, anyway.

“Do you think she's alright?”

Spencer asked, casting a look towards JJ. It's been half an hour she was nursing a glass of water — you had purposely brought her this one since she'd lost count of her shots —, staring at it with her stare unfocused.

“She will be.” You had said and when he told you he was leaving, you asked if he wanted a ride home. You hadn't drank anything but orange juice. He refused it, hugged you and, before he left, he demanded that you'd let him know once you got home.

You ended up being JJ's designated driver that night.

It was when you first saw a crack through the mask she had put on. Emily and JJ shared a deep bond. You knew their friendship wasn't just friendship, even before Emily had revealed to you that she had feelings for the blonde a while back. When Emily was gone, you saw how JJ took it hard. Not that everyone else didn't as well, but the love from each person in the team carried for Emily was different from the love JJ had for her.

Between the gibberish she was mumbling in the passenger seat of your car, she let escape a faint “I miss her”. Her voice cracked and your heart ached.

“D’ you think...” She muttered as you were helping her into her bed. “D'you think she miss— a hiccup — misses us?”

You refrained from saying that dead people cannot miss anything. Instead, you waited for her to fall asleep, placed a cup of water and aspirin on her bedside table before leaving her apartment.

She pretended nothing happened in the next day and you did the same.

You thought JJ had it worst, until Spencer showed up at your door at 3 a.m craving for something he hadn't touched in three years.

Again, pain is not comparable. One does not hurts more than another; people deal with their hardships in life differently, even if they have gone through the same life-changing event.

Some let it show, others just know how to hide it better. You no longer knew if you were the former or the latter through the eyes of your friends.

The current case you were working on had rendered you mentally exhausted. A victim had been taken hostage and for two days you tried to negotiate with the unsub, but to no avail. You almost had it. Almost. When you thought you had succeeded in releasing the woman, she was shot right in front of you.

She died in your arms and there was nothing that you could have done to prevent.

Or was there?

There was nothing that you could have done. You have heard that before. Countless of times. People tried to inject that into your head as a way to make you feel better. And they have their best intentions, you do not doubt it. But it was no use if you couldn't bring yourself to believe these words.

This was just one of those days, when you didn't know how to cope with that overbearing sadness that crippled your mind.

There was nothing that you could have done. There was nothing that you could have done. There was nothing that you could have done. There was nothing that you could have done. There was nothing that you could have—

“Hey.”

You flinched, startled at the voice. As you came back to reality, Spencer turned up in front of you.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” His face twitched into a grimace.

You cleared your throat, placing your stuff in your bag. You were so distracted that you didn't realise you had been holding the bloodied shirt you were wearing in the morning; you shoved it inside carelessly. I'm gonna burn it.

“You didn't,” you said. “What's up? I thought you had left already.”

Spencer leaned on the door, fingers playing with the strap of his satchel as he waited for you to leave the room. He followed you to the corridor, an unspoken silence that said a million things. His fidgety hands weren't just mindlessly stimming, he was nervous.

Everyone else seemed to have left, meaning the bullpen was fairly empty. You wondered how long you stayed frozen reminiscing as the minutes went by.

“I was waiting for you.” He responded as soon as the elevator doors closed.

You turned to him with widened eyes. “Why? I'm sorry I kept you waiting—”

Spencer quickly waved you off, “It's alright.” He gave you a soft smile. The one you felt warm inside. “I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

Oh.

“Of course I am.” You replied and you really hoped the tight smile you gave him was convincing enough for him to not question further. You weren't sure if you'd be able to not crumble down completely if he asked again.

“Are you sure?”

Damn, Spencer.

Yes, everything is good. I just need to get home, take a shower and have a good night sleep without interruptions.

Everything is good.

You don't know how many times you repeated that until he walked alongside you to the parking lot.

Arriving home was all that you needed to let your armour aside. God you were so tired. You didn't even reach your bedroom before the tears came like a waterfall. Falling into your couch, with no strength to stand, you finally stopped fighting against the sadness and let it lead you for the time being.

It's hard trying to be strong all the time, isn't it? Not admitting you need someone to be there for you because you only know how to be there for people. You tell them it's going to be okay. You let them be vulnerable. You say it's okay to not be okay.

Why can't you treat yourself the same way you treat the people around you?

You count every raindrop falling down your window, it helps you focus on reality. It was grounding and a few minutes later you have stopped sobbing your heart out.

It was raining hard outside. When you open the window, the cold slips right in and you stay there, enjoying the wind pushing your hair back.

You dial a familiar number tonight. And you don't hang up after two rings. You think about doing it in the fourth, but the person picks up, apologizing before they say hello.

It actually makes your lips twitch slightly. You don't smile, but you feel like doing it after crying so hard.

“Spencer.” You say through the phone interrupting his incessant apologies for taking too long to answer, your brows creasing after you hear how strange your voice is. “You don't have to apologize. I was the one who called you at one a.m. Why are you even awake?”

“I was reading. Lost track of time. I— have you been crying?” Well, shit. Too much for thinking he wouldn't notice through the phone.

“Why do you ask?” You ask rather pathetically. Why did you call him? Why did you bother Spencer at one a.m when he could be sleeping? You should feel sorry for yourself. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called—”

“I was thinking about you.”

Your breath hitches. You close the window and sit back on the floor and you feel like crying again, you don't know why. Maybe it's his voice. Maybe it's the fact that he makes you feel everything that you're allowed to feel.

He takes your silence as his cue to continue. “I know how much you love thunderstorms so I...” he trails off as if he's uncertain about what he will say. “I remembered you.”

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Spencer could take pride in saying he knew you better than anyone else.

He recognised the sound of your voice was different when your were excited about a particular topic and when you were discussing a case at work. He knew you brushed your hair behind your ear when you felt shy, but the same action could happen when you were uncomfortable. It heavily depended on the situation.

He was aware of your odd behaviour by the way you kept on touching your index finger throughout the day. The week, actually. Spencer could tell you were bothered by something, he could tell you were deeply upset. You skipped breakfast and you never had lunch with them. Not that past week.

And judging by the dark circles around your eyes, you weren't sleeping well either.

He saw himself in you a month back.

See, Spencer was the kind of person who didn't like being vulnerable around anyone. If anything, he mastered the act of not communicating his feelings, he just expected them to disappear, which didn't happen but he was getting better at understanding that.

After Emily's passing, the only one he opened up to was you. And it was the hardest and best choice he ever made. You made him feel seen. It was so easy to talk to you about anything that he didn't notice until a few days ago that you were a very good listener. Not that he didn't notice that before, no, it was not that. But you just listened. You comforted. You held.

Spencer was really concerned about your coping mechanisms, because he knew he didn't have the most healthy ways of dealing with things. He hoped you were better than him. He hoped you didn't let it build up until you were suffocating.

So when you called him, he wasn't lying when he said he was thinking of you. His lie laid on the reading part, he was trying to fall asleep but his concern was keeping him up.

I'm here for you too. He wanted to say. Please, let me be here for you.

“I know how much you love thunderstorms so I...” He sat down on the bed, shifting until he found a comfortable position. “I remembered you.” This is what he started with.

Your ragged breathing through the line cut off his rational thinking. So you have been crying.

He called your name softly.

“Hi. I'm here.” You say, forcing out an exhale.

“Talk to me.” He pleads.

He hears a faint sniffle, “I'm here, Spencer.”

No, you're not. You're far away.

“I'm here too. You know that right?”

“It's been a hard week.” You admit through your shaky voice. “I just needed to hear your voice.” You cut him off quickly. “I know that I saw you a few hours ago, but I—”

“Do you need me?” He was the one who cut you off this time. He couldn't bear you explaining the reason you called. You could call him as many times as you wanted. Every five minutes, every second. He wanted to tell you he missed you when your shift was over for the day even if he spent the entire day by your side, and that you never ever could bother him because he cherished your company. He wanted you close. And he just wanted you to be okay now.

“... It's one a.m, Spence.” There is some shifting through the line, sounds like you were moving around. “I— I can handle it. It's fine.”

“Do you need me?” He repeats, shuffling out of his room to the living room. He couldn't care less that it was one a.m. He found his coat hanged and didn't wait for your answer to put it on. Really, Spencer should have done it sooner.

He's half way on tying his left shoe when you breath out in resignation. Your voice much closer to his ear as if you were telling him a secret you should be ashamed of. “Yes. Yes, I need you.”

He let out a hum, standing up to grab his car keys and sprinted out of his home to go to yours.

“I'll be there in ten.”

You lived twenty minutes away from him, but he'd make in ten. He wanted to see you. More than anything, he wanted to tell you everything that you hadn't heard when you were too busy comforting people instead of yourself.

He stops short before knocking on your door, deciding on sending you a text to let you know he was there so you wouldn't be startled at the noise. He didn't get to click send as the door was yanked open. Your bloodshot eyes and swollen lips are the first thing he sees.

“Hi.” He says, slipping his phone into his pocket. As soon as he did that, your arms envelope his shoulders which caused him to let out a sound of surprise, but he quickly recover and wraps his own arms around you, squeezing your shaky body against his. “Hi.” He utters into the croak of your neck, his hand trailing up and down on your back gently. “I'm wet because of the rain,” he apologises halfheartedly. “Sorry.”

The laugh he hears through your sobs might just have made his day.

He was cold immediately after you slips out of his arms. You pull him inside your place and shut the door, claiming you would be back with a towel despite his protests that he didn't need it.

Spencer lost count of how many times he visited your place. He knew every corner of your apartment, every place you left books that you keep losing when you didn't found them on the shelves, every painting and drawing you had on the walls. The ones he happily convinced you to put on because you made them and they were beautiful, you just didn't believe it.

The two of you spent long hours on your couch, either reading a book and saying your favourite quotes out loud or just watching bad movies and TV shows to pass the time.

He'd ramble on and on about the inconsistencies of any plot and you'd engage in his refutations until you'd disagree and some bantering ensued.

“Here.” Spencer turns around to see you offering a towel for him to dry off. The middle of your forehead furrows slightly, he feels the need to smooth it out himself but he refrains from doing so. “It's dangerous to drive when the weather it's like this. I'm sorry that I made you come all the way here for nothing.”

“Nothing?” He shakes his head as if it's the most absurd thing you've ever said. “You're not nothing.” He accepts the towel and what he recognizes is a jumper of his he must have forgotten a while ago.

When he's completely dry, he walks to the kitchen where you had ventured off to make some tea.

Two mugs are placed on the kitchen counter, the smell of camomile slowly filling the room. You are lost in your thoughts again, mixing the honey in your tea with a spoon for forty-three minutes, your gaze unfocused. Lost.

His fingerstips trails down your wrist to your hand, proceeding to take one of your hands in his, thumb running across your palm. “Can you please look at me?” He requests softly, head tilting until you have no choice but to meet his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It” are a lot of things. But he doesn't know if you feel comfortable enough to talk about all of them tonight. He'll just follow your lead and respect your time.

“I don't want you to see me like this.”

He feels your fingers tighten around his hand and he squeezes back as a form of reassurance.

“Like what?” He can't help but ask. Vulnerable? Human?

“Weak.”

“You could never be weak in my eyes.”

This time, he does smooth down the frown between your brows with his thumb, surprised that you don't reject his touch but welcome it by leaning into his hand.

Neither of you drink the tea. Instead, you move back to the living room, settling down on your couch. You end up cuddling, which wasn't strange because you have done it many times before. Now it just feels more intimate. His hold never strayed from yours. This time, he listened. He comforted. And he held you.

“I'm used to blood, we see it all the time.” you carry on, speaking directly to his chest as he looks down at you. “But I... My hands. There was just so much of it and I couldn't, I couldn't save her.” Your fingers play with the straps of his jumper to distract yourself.

There was nothing that you could have done.

“She knows you did everything you could.” Spencer reassures. He was well aware that you weren't just talking about the victim that you had lost today. “Wherever she is right now...” He lifts a hand to cup your face stroking your cheek with the utmost care in the world. “She knows.”

Your bloodshot eyes study him carefully, searching for any indication that could make you not trust anything he just said. He knew how hard it was to believe that you had no fault in the loss of a friend. Maybe if we had gotten there sooner... Maybe if we had figured everything out sooner...

A little bird told him once that you can't dwell on the past for long or else you'll be stuck in it. And those words — your words — helped on his healing process. He hoped he did the same to you now.

You were laying on his chest, one of your hands positioned right where his heart laid as your other arm involved his middle. His arm wrapped around you as his fingers were trailing up and down your back in the way he knew calmed you down. Spencer felt the most rested he hasn't felt in months and he wasn't even sleeping.

“Tell me if I'm making you uncomfortable.”

He shook his head in response, finding that statement completely absurd because it was not possible for you to make him feel uncomfortable. He's not a fan of PDA, but he found that he didn't mind it with you. So he lowered down on the couch, moving your body with his to be more comfortable, lips grazing your temple in a soft kiss.

“You're not.” He says brushing your hair away from your neck. Your eyes were shut and he could feel your breathing evening out. “Try to sleep a little.” He let out in a whisper to not disturb your peacefulness. He knew you needed it.

“Don't go.” You croak out, tucking your nose in the croak of his neck, breathing into him.

The corner of his lips quirk up. “I'll be here when you wake up.” He promises as thunder rolled outside. Fluttering his eyes shut when you have finally dozed off, he ignores the warnings in his head about sleeping on the couch and how bad it is for one's neck.

No, he could deal with that tomorrow. For now, he would just hold you.

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❝ all I know of strength, I have learnt from breaking. ❞

— sahiba

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taglist: @lilyviolets

[blackbird-brewster]

I was so disappointed when after they went home together the next episode basically just skipped over everything and hardly had Tara even in it! We spend WAY too much time with Garcia and I like her but I’m so over her plot with that guy. Plus all this time with JJ and Emily and it’s cute but Tara gets like 5 mins to be Rossi’s therapist? Ugh. I wish she’d gone to Emily and they’d talked about their issues and maybe JJ joined after. Idk it was just annoying waiting for a week to see what would happen between her and Rebecca only to get nothing. I think they’re either going to be randomly together at the end or they’ll act like it was a one time thing. I really hate that this is where they ended up. They should’ve had them meet at work slowly & slowly fall for each other but that would mean caring about the characters that doesn’t give a shit!

Hey, Anon? I love you. You have no idea how validated I feel by this ask. I seriously feel like I'm the only one who cares about Tara/Rebecca sometimes, which is WILD considering WE HAVE A CANON QUEER SHIP!!!! But a lot of the fandom would rather focus on dissecting every frame of the stoned Jemily chaos, than care about Tara/Rebecca. (Don't get me wrong, I love Jemily -- but I would have much rather had a scene or two of Tebecca than an entire episode of JJ/Emily)

I hate that Rebecca wasn't even in 17x06 after she and Tara went home together in 17x05. LIKE!?!?! WHAT HAPPENED??? I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MY GIRLS!!! And I totally agree, there's been WAY too little Tara the last few eps. I hate that she was solely in 17x06 as Rossi's therapist, like dude, go to fucking therapy and stop milking the women on the team for emotional labour. I'm so tired of Rossi's man-pain bullshit. This whole reboot has been centered around him and Voit and --- FOR WHAT?!

I also agree that the whole Penelope love triangle is annoying af. They've ruined her character and this season she's just been used to be a point on contention between Tyler and Luke. I'm too gay and polyam to care about that bullshit.

Unfortunately, Rebecca isn't in this week's episode either. So once again, we'll have to wait to find out what happened after 17x05. And I suspect, because we don't see her for two episodes, by the time she appears in 17x08 she and Tara will be magically healed and back together. WHY can't we just get them having some adult conversations about everything, huh? WHY can't we get some screen time for these two incredible actors? We've had less than five minutes total of these two in scenes together (without other people in them).

I think in ALL of Season 16, Tebecca only got a total of 13 minutes of screen time. (I calculated it once, can't remember the exact total but it was there abouts)

YET, Will was a main fucking character last season. He was in EVERY fucking episode, went on the jet, went into the field, etc. Like????? (Yes, Rebecca did that this season, but she's still a very background character)

Since the show won't give Tara/Rebecca the storyline they deserve -- I'll do it myself. I'm working on my fifteenth Tebecca fic and I have more ideas on the to-do list.

I love them and it's become my sacred duty to protect this ship from canon fodder.

[notallwonder]

Alrighty. Here we are. Criminal Minds 16x06, "True Conviction". I've already seen it a couple times now, but I wanted to do one of these anyway.

Spoilers and extremely long play-by-play under the cut.

I'm unreasonably psyched for this

this technobabble doesn't wholly make sense to me. why would GPS matter?

obvs the most recognizable thing about JJ is the symbol of her marriage, great

lmao this is how I know I'm way down the rabbit hole for Paget - when I first saw Garcia's "bring 'em home, Emily" line, my brain helpfully supplied the sound of Arden Myrin's hilarious impression of Peter Pilot's mom Barb crying "Bring her hooooooome, Peter!" iykyk and if you don't, it's very unimportant

the smirk and eyebrow was completely wrong for the moment, yet Incredibly Hot

big style Janeway vibes as the turbolift elevator doors close

wow the jet is schmancy - wall sconces! it's wide enough to accommodate the new aspect ratio!

SUEDE JACKET EMILY

Tara you look so sad. Wish you had a hand to hold, your friends keep getting blowed up

Luke's ALIVE yessss

oh little baby unsub running through the forest....got bopped on the head....

now he's...locked in a cupboard under the stairs? harry potter?

MAC AND CHEESE MOTIF

god I want mac and cheese

I like this bad uncle guy. He's hilarious. Real good crazy eyes.

this really could have been a musical

honestly I think my dad served me that exact meal when I was a kid and my mom was away on business. Except mine also included canned potatoes (disGUSTing)

Emily hugging Luke and like...no shot of her acknowledging JJ? It annoyed me the first time and now it's HILARIOUS. Just...conspicuously avoiding JJ? I love her relief about Alvez (me too Emily!), and she already knew that JJ was up and moving and not dead. But...they had time for that hug and nothing else? FUNNY. CM flew too close to the Jemily Sun with "200" and the long walk back is still ongoing.

I guess if I wanted to watch this with my Jemily goggles... this could fit *very* well with the plot of "Late Bloomer", a lovely fic by angestreet in progress on AO3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/43418964). ANYWAY - the not touching/having trouble being normal with JJ fits with an Emily who has been putting distance between herself and JJ for complicated emotional reasons she's just starting to understand. Or perhaps an Emily and JJ who have had some sort of personal conflict that we, the audience, were not privy to (see also: the "what ifs and if onlys" conversation in season 13). I mean, I still think it's a conspicuously odd choice on the TV screen, but there's room for some interesting storytelling there.

on the other hand - the flight down there from Quantico is at least 90 minutes. Plenty of time for the folks on the jet to get a phone update from JJ. I think we're led to believe they did NOT have that communication (i.e. the splosion interrupted cell service for a prolonged period), as otherwise why would Emily be palpably relieved about Luke's well-being once she gets eyes on him?

Ponytail Prentiss. Ma'am.

The brief and supportive embrace of JJ from Tara and Rossi? Beautiful. Chef's kiss. Lovely.

LOL this music. Teachin' the kid to lye. (haha im so funny)

So...are we to believe he is conflicted about his serial killer education?

No time for politics, Dougie boy!

ooh I wonder who the Attorney General is. Do you think we'll get to see her? Please be CCH Pounder.

Political pressure and machinations seem to be a theme this season. As I recall, prior CM painted its political villains more as bad individuals (Barnes, Strauss, seemingly Bailey at the start of this season). It does feel like CME is more deliberately placing the BAU in the context of a justice / law enforcement *system* that is corrupted or disturbed by political concerns (and otherwise wonderful and perfect and not at all corrupt in itself). Kind of interesting.

Poor Tyler.

Look! JJ talking directly to Emily! It happened! Not in the same frame, but. I just have to remind myself that these things actually happen.

Can you imagine Prentiss arm wrestling Bailey. She'd wipe the floor with that silly noodle. Her glare is too powerful, forget her arm.

So Bailey's *not* the reason they haven't been using the jet? It's the nebulous "politics"? Vague, but not a huge leap. We've already had Senator Aunt Zelda call back to the way Congress sometimes likes to hold the federal budget hostage to achieve certain ends.

ugh....friends....this should come as no surprise...... i'm so gone for her...... her visage pleases me no end..... (mind filled with spooky echoing whispers of sssmokeshhhow prentisssss)

Acting! Executive realness Emily. And she does trust Tara's ability to do the job, but is cognizant of those "politics" etc.

Tara knows she's staring at a shit sandwich coming her way. Tara, I love you. I'm sorry this is hard.

Tyler: "Some dude gave me my clothes back. Also he took my sick Crocs. I don't get it. Am I getting out of here?"

I like PG's dress.

MOAR HUGS!!!! love that. Whoopsy you hurt Luke's lil injured wrist bb.

JONATHAN DEL ARCO, my MAN. First watch through I did not recognize him but found him compelling. I love that guy. I loved seeing him reprise his role as Hugh in ST: Picard. I love his work here.

Emily is... compassionate in this interview. Doesn't feel adversarial. That look when he says he just wants to die.

Oy, poor JJ. She is stuck in this stupid situation with her business gnome husband where she gets to feel guilty AND almost got blowed up! And Will, please. "I promise to never miss your call ever again." Guys come on - be realistic here! This is So Dumb. I've never been able to hate Will despite the ways their relationship rubs me the wrong way. Because if nothing else, JJ does seem to mostly really like him. I don't get it, girl, but who am I to say? She looks really shaken in this scene. This gives me a bad feeling. I'm a little worried this storyline is going to end in her transferring out of the BAU or retiring or otherwise putting her family above her career in a more decisive way.

Tyler and Penelope... I don't hate it. Pen deserves some lovin' and she's a kind and compassionate soul. Luke adores her and he's better than Tyler in terms of current emotional stability I'd say. But the heart wants what the heart wants and sometimes the heart simply enjoys whatever is on offer. She must have her reasons.

I had to watch this Tara/Emily/Luke scene like 4 times because I couldn't hear the dialogue over everyone's insane BEAUTY. The HAIR. the..um...curves...the brown houndstooth over the navy shirt...Luke was there too...

side note: I hate the AirBnB/Target/IKEA generic-ass photography decorating the FBI offices. Federal offices are boring yes but usually in a more dorky way.

Oh! They are fighting in the Family Room.

Oh, Rebecca you little nightmare. Tara says Reeves is not Sicarius and that's all it takes for you to accuse her of dealing in conspiracy theories? That got my hackles up. FASCINATING. I can't look away.

Again...this plays into that same looming "Politics" business - the people around & in the way of our heroes are motivated by optics, by career ambition, by the *appearance* of justice served and the currency that provides. ...That exchange in episode 1602 or 1603, when Bailey suggests getting Domestic Terrorism involved to make people feel safe and Prentiss replies that that wouldn't make them safe.

This scene with Tara/Emily/Luke is lovely. They've got her back. She's a professional. Emily's reaction like "oof been there".

This interrogation. The tacit communication between Tara and Emily when Tara steps in (hot). The way Tara carefully talks her way to the point. The way Silvio's eyes cut over at "I met this woman" and then he looks away. The way the connection has been made - he does feel seen. He's smart too. And he's spent how many years committed to his path - death for the safety of the man he loved. I really enjoyed this scene.

Y'know Emily is consistently good about acknowledging Penelope's good work. I'm sure that's been true for the whole show, but noticeable here too - in 1603 when she tells PG her idea is really good, and here. Love it.

Oh now that I'm watching it carefully - PG has a whole MOMENT as she opens up about her own grief (unfortunate how many times the word "hole" appeared in this convo but wcyd). His lean in is NOT unwarranted, it's there in her eyes...

new catchphrase "it just makes the hole different"

I like Silvio's novio. I like that he found a way to live free of shame and fear. It does kind of beg the question why he didn't try harder to exonerate Silvio in the intervening years, but let's not dwell.

Rebecca's "I have never not been on your side" okay lady. you were pretty mad earlier and implied your girlfriend and her team were full of shit so... I guess you're a human being! lmao. I hate to see Tara back-footed like this but this is juicy.

oh hello hottie. Emily Prentiss, the way you sit in a chair.

Paget's delivery of "I'm not quite following" is hilarious. hashtag relatable.

So "family is what gets you killed". Family as weakness, as vulnerability. I don't doubt that over the next few episodes we'll get more rebuttal to that notion from our heroes, a la "we're a family and that's our strength."

These episodes really don't stand up on their own. They work better together. Can't wait for the next one.

[asstronauts]

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

rating: t word count: 2.4k pairing: the homoeroticism of 200 amplified, aka jemily summary: a post-200 rewrite, in which jj spends some time in emily's arms and in the hospital instead of in a bar right after being tortured.

read on ao3, if you'd prefer

tw mention of jj's canon abduction and torture

---

A hundred feet.

Strangely enough, it wasn't the closest she'd come to death in this line of work, but now it was all that separated her dangling feet from the ground below.

She felt nothing besides Emily's arms and her heart thudding in her chest. JJ risked a glance downwards, turning her head ever so slightly to look.

Michael Hastings' body fallen. Dead.

It was over.

"You're here. It's you," JJ managed between ragged breaths as she was pulled back from the edge of the rooftop and onto solid ground. Her hands were still clinging desperately to Emily's biceps, her only lifeline while the world spun around.

“Emily,” JJ murmured, though it came out sounding more like a question. She needed to be sure. After hours of torture at the hands of Tivon Askari, and after the intense pursuit of Michael Hastings onto the rooftop, her friend’s comforting presence seemed almost unbelievable.

Emily inhaled sharply and reached out to move JJ's hair back. The blonde flinched instinctively, then slowly relaxed into Emily's touch. It was nothing like Askari's rough hands. It was tender — a soft brush across her cheekbone to wipe away a tear she hadn't even realized was there. The gentle caress grounded her, letting her know she was here and that somehow, against all odds, she was still alive, safely kneeling with Emily on this concrete rooftop a hundred feet high.

JJ could hardly bring herself to look around. She didn’t recognize the building he’d taken her to. It was in D.C, that much she could be sure of, but the air felt different now that she was free from Askari’s grasp. Fresher somehow. Below her, the city lights blinked on, unaware of the terrifying ordeal that had just happened. And in front of her, Emily.

Emily's hand was warm. Or perhaps JJ was just freezing. There was a chill in her bones that had remained since she'd seen Askari's face, a cold she couldn’t quite escape.

"You're here," JJ repeated, her voice steadier but still quiet. She shivered against the concrete, her shallow breaths visible in the cold night air.

"So are you." Their eyes met, and JJ found Emily's filled with concern, with relief, with love. They carefully searched JJ's face to make sure she was okay.

Emily's gaze landed on the blonde's unbuttoned shirt, and she furrowed her brow, the hard lines in her face deliberating a question she didn't want to ask.

JJ shook her head and drew back slightly. He didn't, she wanted to say.

He didn't, but she could still feel his hands on her, all over her. He didn't, but she could still hear his voice saying, "Maybe I can make you one. Another one." He didn't, but...

"It's okay," Emily murmured in a soothing voice. She noted the look on JJ’s face, but didn’t press further. “You’re okay now. You’re safe.” Her heart broke at the way the woman clenched her jaw and avoided Emily’s fixed stare.

JJ gave a stiff nod of permission as Emily reached out, gently beginning to button the shirt back up. JJ licked her lips and forced her fingers to relax their grip as she tried to speak again — to say something, anything.

"Cruz...is he-"

"He'll be fine."

"And everyone else?"

"Everyone's okay." Emily looked up as she finished with the shirt. “They’re waiting downstairs with the ambulances whenever you’re ready.”

“How did you find me?”

“We...we looked into everything from when you were in Afghanistan. Your backstop.” Emily tried to meet JJ’s eyes, but they were staring guiltily at the ground. “No more secrets please, JJ.”

“No more secrets,” she echoed back. “Only the truth from now on.”

JJ opened her mouth as if to say more, then shook her head and furrowed her brow.

Emily knew there were questions she was avoiding, trying to ask about the team to dismiss any concerns over her own wellbeing. Denial was ingrained in her nature — a habit she had perfected so well, she sometimes managed to fool herself.

The younger agent stood unsteadily and pretended to inspect her top as she took a moment to collect herself. "We should head down then," she mumbled, crossing her arms as another shiver ran up her body.

"You're allowed to take a moment, JJ," Emily said softly and rose to stand in front of her. "Take your time."

JJ bit her lip and shook her head ever so slightly. If she took even a breath to process all that had happened in the last 24 hours, the inevitable breakdown would come rushing over her, and she feared she'd never be able to stop.

"You're okay now," Emily said again, reaching her arms out and allowing JJ to collapse into them. The blonde buried her face in the crook of Emily's neck as gentle but strong arms wrapped around her body.

From the moment Hotch had called her about the news of JJ's disappearance, Emily's heart had been gripped by an intense fear over the other woman's safety. The thought of JJ in danger, of JJ hurt, of JJ on the brink of death had been too overwhelming to bear.

The panic had fueled her to find everything she could on Tivon Askari, to do everything she could to fight for JJ’s life. But the anxiety that had built up during Emily's flight over was only just now beginning to subside, as she reassured herself of JJ's safety.

"You're okay, you're okay," Emily whispered as she rubbed comforting circles on JJ's back.

She's okay.

---

45...46...47...48...

Emily concentrated hard on counting the hospital floor tiles, whatever she could to keep from thinking of her friend having just been tortured. She’d read the files on Askari, and she knew exactly what JJ had gone through. The drugs, the physical abuse, the waterboarding, the electrocution. It made her burn with uncharacteristic anger, made her wish this man had received a fate worse than death for hurting JJ. And from the look she’d seen on JJ’s face, there was far more to the story than just what Emily had read.

The situation had left the rest of the team a headache-inducing amount of paperwork, but Hotch had insisted that someone be present when JJ woke up. All eyes had landed on Emily, with Penelope demanding she be called immediately after, no matter the time of night.

It was late now, but Emily still felt restless. She picked furiously at her nails, counting and recounting the tiles over and over again until a voice broke her thoughts.

"Emily? She wants to see you."

Emily looked up and mouthed a silent thank you to the doctor, not quite trusting herself to speak aloud.

A wave of relief washed over her as she walked into the hospital room, and blue eyes turned to meet her.

"You're here."

Emily managed a sort of strangled sound in reply, a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh.

"I'm still here," she breathed, reaching out her hand to grasp JJ's. It was icy cold, but just warm enough to reassure Emily that JJ was alive.

"I wasn't sure...I've been seeing things," JJ mumbled. "I saw you, or I thought I did. Before I saw you, I mean."

JJ shook her head, trying to clear the cloud from her incoherent thoughts as Emily creased her eyebrows in confusion.

She exhaled and tried again. "It doesn't matter. But you...you really came all the way here for me."

"You'd do the same for me," Emily replied. "Hell, you already did the same for me."

Their eyes met.

Paris.

Emily remembered everything — the long nights that never seemed to end, the two of them exploring every street and shop, the night JJ had grabbed her hand and pulled her into an alleyway, and they'd stood unbelievably close, eyes shining in the moonlight with exhilaration...

She wondered if JJ remembered everything too.

"How long do you have here?" JJ asked.

Emily bit her lip. "A few hours." Not long enough.

"Do you have to go?" came JJ’s quiet voice. Emily had asked the same question that night in Paris.

They’d let the question hang unanswered then too, both too afraid to admit that they were running, not just leaving. Because staying would mean confronting the intensity of their feelings for one another, and that was somehow more terrifying than anything they’d ever faced in the field.

Besides, Emily's expression said more than her words could.

“How are you feeling?” Emily asked instead of answering.

“It hurts,” JJ said simply.

Emily’s grip around her hand tightened protectively. "I know," she whispered.

JJ began to trace delicate circles along Emily's knuckles with her thumb, eyes slightly unfocused. She could feel her mind already struggling, tendrils of flashbacks lurking beneath the surface. The pain in her side seemed to intensify, and her breath caught slightly.

"Hastings and Askari are dead." Her voice came out raw and louder than intended, as though she was still convincing herself of the fact.

JJ took a shuddering breath and shivered as a chill went up her spine.

Cold. Why was the room so cold?

She felt, rather than saw, everything around her shift as a sudden sense of dread overwhelmed her in the haze. Dark. Cold. Alone.

Alone, except for him. The shadow of Tivon Askari loomed in front of her, and a bolt of pain and panic wracked her body.

“Come back to me, JJ.”

She blinked.

“I wasn’t..I-It wasn’t a full flashback or anything,” JJ stuttered. “I’m fine.”

“It’s okay, just breathe.”

JJ sat for a moment until the pounding in her chest subsided, painfully aware of the heart monitor’s rapid beeping. She focused her attention on Emily’s hand in hers.

“I’m fine,” JJ repeated quietly.

"I know it doesn't feel like it yet," Emily replied. "It takes time, but I promise one day, you’ll be okay. You’ll feel safe again."

Emily moved her free hand to touch JJ’s shoulder, capturing her full attention so that the blonde could read the sincerity in her eyes.

“What do I do till then?”

"You could get a tattoo. We could match," Emily said lightly.

"Blackbird," JJ mused with a tired smile.

She remembered the day that Emily had shown her the tattoo, how she had stared in amazement at the beautiful ink that somehow both covered and showed off Emily's scars from her encounter with Doyle. Even then, she had been slightly wary, but Emily had taken her hand and guided her fingers to graze the tattoo, showing her that scars weren’t something to be afraid of.

The bruises and lacerations would fade. The electrical burns would leave a mark. JJ could feel their sting now, marring her skin with ugly scars. Perhaps she could get a tattoo to cover them up, but there was only so much she could hide. Beneath it all, there’d still be a heavy burden, an invisible wound she’d have to carry day to day, case to case, for the rest of her life.

They sat, hand in hand again now, letting the presence of each other be enough. JJ's thumb was still tracing its way across the familiar landscape of Emily's hand, one that the blonde had long since memorized. In those moments, with Emily holding her hand, it felt like everything was okay. Yet there was a feeling of horrid anticipation, like the teetering at the top of a rollercoaster, where the burning in her stomach told her that the moment Emily let go and left for London, time would inevitably start again, and everything would fall quickly and suddenly, collapsing into a wild frenzy despite Emily’s words of comfort.

“I don’t want you to go. I need you here,” JJ murmured.

She wasn’t sure if it was the exhaustion or the medication talking, but she hadn’t quite realized the truth behind the statement until she’d said it aloud. JJ tried it again, her voice barely a whisper. “I need you.”

The admission hung in the air unanswered for a moment, and JJ’s mind raced, wondering if she’d made a mistake.

Emily didn’t speak, staring hard at the hospital blankets as if they would tell her the meaning behind what JJ had said. Part of her wanted to scream with joy at the idea that JJ wanted her near. But the other part of her shrunk back in fear, wanting to flee across an entire ocean once again to run from her emotions. She was terrified of what she felt towards JJ — an affection more intense and overwhelming than anything she’d ever experienced before. Without it, she’d be lost. She couldn’t risk that; it was too fragile to be tampered with, too precious to even be acknowledged.

“I saw you,” JJ began rambling, unable to bear the silence. “When they were trying to get my codes, I thought I saw you. I guess my mind just needed something or someone to hold on to. You should’ve been a million miles away, but some part of me knew that you’d come. That I’d be okay because you were coming.”

“JJ-“

“I knew it’d be you. It’s always going to be you.”

“I can’t...” Emily began, but the fear choked her and kept her from finishing her sentence.

“I know you have to go.” JJ’s grip tightened as her voice broke. “Will you stay until I fall asleep? Say goodbye now so I don’t have to watch you leave.”

A lump rose in Emily’s throat. Tell me to stay again. Tell me to stay for you, and I’ll leave it all, she wanted to say. But her cowardice won in the end.

Instead, Emily nodded and sat next to the bed as JJ closed her eyes.

---

JJ awoke to an empty hospital room. The pain in her side flared, and tears sprung to her eyes as everything she had experienced hit her full force.

The fluorescent lights blinked back at her from above, and the only noises she could hear were the gentle beeping of a heart monitor and her own shallow breathing.

One hand lay across her torso, the other gripped the hospital bed sheets as though she’d been holding onto something, to someone. She could've sworn...

She’s not here.

No, Emily was in London, thousands of miles away. There was no way, right?

She wouldn’t have come and then left her, not again. JJ pulled her hand in and held it to her chest, as she bit back a cry.

It must have been another hallucination. It had to be.

Any other way would hurt too much.

[baubaes]

hi! is there a chance for Jemily with no22? some angst maybe? cheers🤗

Well hello to you to! And of course there is!

@thatonecurlygirl prompt list 22

“I can’t give you what you want.”

Ship: Emily Prentiss x Jennifer Jareau

Word count: 5,4k

Genre: angst/hurt/fluff/very very light nsfw? i have no clue how to label this

Warnings: mentions of violence, death, injuries, classic criminal minds vibes :^)))

Summary: "Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead. She, however, was on a plane to Paris." aka JJ taking care of staked Emily, the blackbird flashback and events around it.

A/N: i thought of way too many scenarios when even though Emily and JJ are literally in love, it could never work out. here's one of them :^) i hope you'll enjoy it!! xx ana apparently i just can't imagine a scenario in which these characters could have a peaceful, quiet and happy life, im so sorry

Emily felt drained.

She was all hurting, really bad, her head was killing her, not only from the beating she received those several days ago, but also the mere stress of all this.

It was pretty baffling for her to realize that she survived this whole ordeal.

She couldn’t say for how long she was out; it felt both like a blink of an eye and an eternity.

And she really thought that she died, when she eventually lost consciousness in Morgan’s arms. That still felt like ages ago.

It was all really confusing, but then again, she couldn’t spare too much of her strength to dwell on what actually happened. Emily just felt too weak to try to keep her eyes open for too long and that resulted in her reality being pretty much scattered.

When she woke up in a hospital room, she was dazed and overwhelmed. They’ve put her on some strong painkillers after the surgery and most of the time right then felt like a blur. She thought she heard some voices in her dream, maybe doctors, maybe… Was it JJ?

She heard bits and pieces of conversations, somebody commenting on her condition in a low voice, nervous footsteps circling around the room, the dimmed rhythmical sounds of all the equipment she was hooked to, some sort of buzzing and a one sided conversation that had to be a phone call.

Was it just some bizarre dream?

A way for her subconscious mind to cope with the anxiety surrounding the recent events?

Whether it was real or not, it let her stay in this state of slumber brought to her through an IV drip.

Despite all that, she felt really grateful. She wasn’t sure where to channel this gratitude though;

Her team for backing her up?

The doctors for patching her up in the OR?

God, for allowing her to continue her existence?

Then again, she wasn’t sure if the last one existed, nor that the almighty entity would waste its time on making sure little old her survives.

It was comforting though, that her last moments on this Earth managed not to be spent with Doyle, even if that was against her will, so in theory, she didn’t have much of control over this.

Memories of him were a combination of ones that she’s made as Emily Prentiss and ones that she’s made as Lauren Reynolds. As Emily, it consisted of all those moments when he threatened her and her team, he kidnapped her, tortured her, nearly killed her…

As Lauren she was able to saw his more… Humane side.

Lauren was his girlfriend. Lauren lived with him,

Lauren shared her joys and fears with him. Lauren loved him.

But that was Lauren.

She wasn’t real. An identity, that’s all that she was.

And even though Emily tried to convince herself that Lauren’s feelings were perfectly compartmentalized away from her own, deep down she knew she was lying to herself.

Was Doyle ever somebody she actually loved?

She definitely despised him, but it felt like now she was obligated to despise even her own self for ever having feelings for this monster. Positive ones anyway.

Right now, Emily Prentiss was dead.

She, however, was on a plane to Paris.

It was all coordinated by Hotchner and JJ.

Nobody else knew.

Her team, her friends, her loved ones were about to attend her funeral in a few days.

She imagined confused look on Spencer’s face, Garcia’s eyes filled with tears, Morgan frowning and looking away. Would Rossi be sad, or would he finally feel relieved to be ridded of her impulsiveness and comments on literally everything?

She imagined her mother, who obviously was not on it, throwing a pile of soil on the coffin. That would not hold her body inside. Would she cry? Would she stay composed even at a funeral of her only child? Well, again, it wasn’t real real, but she wouldn’t be able to realize that.

For some reason, she figured JJ would’ve taken it upon herself to feel guilty, despite knowing what was going on.

They both knew it was the only way to make it all work.

Emily worried about everyone, but there were two people she worried about the most. Spencer and Penelope.

They both were incredibly strong, but she couldn’t be sure how would they deal with this.

She worried, since Reid did not cope well with losing authorities. And even if he would never admit it to her face, she knew that he looked up to her.

The thought of that made her feel the bile appear on the back of her throat.

That kid has lost so many people already… And he internalized all that, it had to be weighing on him every single day. It felt cruel to add another person to that list.

She had to keep thinking about the bigger picture to even remotely be able to deal with all that.

Now Garcia was somebody that Emily truly loved.

It was hard to imagine her being sad over her „death”.

Not because of the probability of the blonde being sad,

rather the severity of her grieving, Emily would imagine.

Penelope was one of those people who were able to feel so much, maybe even too much sometimes.

And on a daily basis it was wonderful. That’s what’s made her such an incredible, empathetic human being, who, despite their job, was still able to not only - be cheerful, but to cheer others up as well.

When she thought of that, it felt as if her heart could break to million pieces.

It was strange, how in that moment she should still feel the pain;

They’ve stabilized her after the surgery, but there were still bruises on her face, stitches across her abdomen, burnt skin on her chest. And she did feel it, but it was blurred, far away.

The feeling that made her grasp reality to the point of hyperawareness was the emotional pain.

Somehow she was able to compare it to the pain of being staked.

She still wasn’t sure what was a proper emotional response in that situation.

It wasn’t in the manual, or in training, despite people having to go… Well, faking your own death was like going undercover, in a way.

Both at the Interpol and the FBI, nobody taught her how to feel, while pretending to be dead.

She knew how to make it happen technically, more or less. After all, Lauren had already died. Her old team, JTF-12, was able to pull that off those several years ago. Including her of course.

But that was Lauren. An identity, which, sure, she’s been tied to for quite some time, living as her, acting like her, becoming her in a way.

Still, just an identity.

Right now, there wasn’t a disguise, an identity to toss away, allowing her to come back to her regular life.

Right now her regular life was supposed to cease to exist.

Before, she thought about her goal and the fact, that she survived. She was grateful, in some way she felt obligated to take care of Declan and she wouldn't be able to do that, if she was actually dead, right?

Even though she knew that she had no right to feel attached to the boy as much as she did, she just couldn’t help it. The image of him as a toddler, walking around the room in Doyle’s house stuck in her head. She couldn’t shake it off. And even before Doyle found her, that image caused her to have problems with falling asleep from time to time.

Emily never seriously thought of herself becoming a mother, for that role to be the main purpose of her life. She was afraid of screwing her potential children up, because she knew that even if she meant well, it wouldn’t guarantee them turning out okay. And her line of work made it impossible to both realistically approach the idea of maternity - she didn’t have a partner and if she were to be a single mother - it would be impossible to keep up with the BAU - that job was just too demanding; but also she saw so many downright evil, just unimaginable things that people were capable of doing to one another. How could she ever be able to shield a child from that?

Suddenly, all these ridiculous, small things that she wouldn’t think twice about made her feel as if each and every part of her life was just slipping through her fingers, right there, right then.

That one window in her apartment, the one with the wide windowsill, she loved to sit on it and watch the sky. Sergio would curl up in her lap or right next to her, on the windowsill, quietly purring, when she would pet his black fur. It didn’t happen often, because most nights she'd come home so exhausted, all she could basically do was just pass out on her bed. And Sergio would sleep on a pillow right next to her, despite Emily's promises to herself that she will teach him to stop, because she'd wake up covered in his fur with a runny nose.

But when she had a chance to do that, it made her mind stop racing, at least for a few minutes. That barely ever happened anywhere else.

Now she realized that Sergio was alone in her apartment and she panicked. But just for a second, because then she remembered JJ in the hospital, telling her that Penelope took him in. Of course she did. He'd definitely be surrounded with love. She wished she could've just taken him with her though, since she's already been missing him. Silly little fur ball, making her fall in love with him gradually. Penelope wouldn't be able to resist his charm for sure, she thought to herself, smiling. Still, she felt really sad.

Emily realized that she’s left so many things behind.

She didn’t think of herself as someone intensively attached to material possessions, but all these had a sentimental value for her and that was the only thing that mattered.

The thoughts invading her head were random, coming to her without any particular sense or order, falling on her mind like an avalanche.

And she thought about that crumpled up picture, capturing her with her friends when she was a teenager, back in Rome.

A cross, that her mother gave her on her first communion. She wasn’t ever really wearing it, but she liked knowing that it was safely tucked away in one of the drawers in her closet. It brought her some strange kind of comfort.

A box with letters she’d exchange with her father when she was a kid, because even though they moved around together as a family, he still would have assignments all around the world. So he would leave for a single weekend, or for several months at a time. No matter how long or short was he leaving for, he’d always try and send her a postcard, hence the collection of them, both from huge cities in Europe and Asia and tiny places she’s never even heard of before in America or Australia.

Maybe she wasn’t going through this box ritually on some settled schedule, but every once in a while she would look at those tacky pictures of touristy little towns, as well as simple, beautiful pictures of great historical monuments or watercolored landscapes of picturesque countrysides. And they'd make the corners of her lips rise up just a tiny bit.

All that with a couple words reading simple greetings, scribbled in a hurry, in her dad’s small, not exactly neat handwriting, on the back of each and every one of them.

„Love you, Dad” summed up every single message.

And looking at those words made her feel warmth, both now and when she was a little girl. Her father wasn’t very talkative and he rarely told her he loved her unprompted. So she got used to reading these words, instead of hearing them from him.

She cherished these postcards and anytime she’d go through them, she noticed some kind of feeling spread throughout her body, that felt like pure joy, but also love and safety.

Kurt Vonnegut’s "Sirens of Titan".

Morgan lent it to her a few months ago.

The book was by her bed, bookmarked with some crumpled receipt for groceries she’d found at the bottom of her purse, when she'd had to suddenly break away from Rumfoord and Kazak on the jet.

She’s read it before, truth be told, (in Italian and back in the ’80s), but Morgan insisted that she just had to read the original version. And even though there was a stack of books she wanted to read going back at least two years sitting on her bedroom floor, dangerously leaning against the radiator, the day she brought it home, she placed the Sirens on the very top of her bedside table, instead of the stack.

She’d imagine Morgan would appreciate that gesture.

Morgan, her partner.

Morgan, who held her before she passed out.

Morgan, who always had her back.

And she tried to do the same for him in the field.

He’s saved her ass countless times.

Emily wished she could have had his back right now.

She realized with a paralyzing fear that it could last forever.

Doyle could lay low, undetected for years.

Would it keep Morgan up at night?

Would he blame himself, wondering?

If he'd gotten to her seconds earlier, if he had only ran faster, if he’d found her sooner, would it change anything?

Thinking about that made her fists clench suddenly.

If she had any fingernails left, they would surely dig into the skin of her palms very painfully right now.

Emily felt this overwhelming guilt filling her chest, making her throat feel as if it was closing, her teeth grit.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, as if the jet’s cabin had become decompressed and she couldn't reach the oxygen mask.

"You’re doing okay?"

She heard the soft and calming voice of her only companion on this flight, naturally besides the pilot.

JJ was looking at her with those big, worried, blue eyes and even though Emily’s first instinct was to nod, as she did just that, she felt her eyes watering.

"I can't stand the thought of all of them grieving over a lie."

She mumbled out.

"Emily, you know that this is the only way. We’d never make them go through this, if there were any other options. They will understand."

JJ’s voice became more firm with the last sentence, she was obviously in a mind space reserved for dealing with crisis.

"I really thought that was it, you know?"

Emily asked, a little startled at the sound of her own voice.

She couldn’t recall the last time she’s held an actual conversation with another person, one that wouldn’t consist of barely understandable mumbling as a form of communication on her end.

"There came that point, where the pain went away, I guess I went into shock. I heard Morgan’s voice and I wanted to keep my eyes open like he told me to so bad, but I just couldn’t. I felt like I was slipping away and it felt so… Easy. I wasn’t scared at all. I… I knew you guys would take care of Declan, if I wasn’t around. And that all of you would be okay."

She said, trying to piece together everything that happened.

"And apparently I've coded in the ambulance? I had no idea, but some glimpses are coming back to me, slowly. But it was like I’d fallen asleep."

She added, her face reflecting her mind in a state of deep contemplation.

Her thoughts were interrupted by JJ’s voice.

"Thank God, you didn’t…"

Emily only now noticed that with every word that she spoke, JJ’s eyes became more and more glossy. She frowned.

"Hey, I’m here."

She leaned in and smiled faintly.

"Its gonna take way more than some branding and a little stake for you to get rid of me."

JJ laughed, wiping the tears away, before they had a chance to flow down her cheeks.

"Why would I ever want to get rid of you?"

Blonde asked, her voice now soft, her expression puzzled.

Emily felt something strange in her chest.

At first her brain assumed it had to be her burnt skin and damaged nerve endings, but no.

It felt nice, it wasn’t painful.

That warmth, spilling around her insides.

She didn’t have a witty comeback to her question. She wanted to think it was because of the meds making her hazy, but she wasn’t sure anymore. She just looked down at her chest and frowned again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The first thing I’m doing, when we get to Paris is having this removed."

She heard her own voice.

"How could a brand hurt more than getting staked?"

"Maybe it’s a psychosomatic itch you’re scratching? The brand left an emotional toll, Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his, a stake… I mean you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you’re proud of?"

JJ wondered, actually trying to analyze all that. She looked at her, now amused.

"Or you could always get another tattoo."

Emily laughed at that. JJ continued.

"You know, something transformative? Like a… A phoenix. Or a blackbird."

"I love the song."

Emily said.

"But something tells me, I shouldn’t tread in your waters."

JJ looked at her with a questioning look.

"Come on, JJ. Something’s obviously different about you. You commandeered an Interpol jet. You’re profiling me."

JJ looked down and sighed. Emily continued.

"Why didn’t you say your transfer was a backstop?"

At that JJ’s expression turned to a confused one, indicating that what the other woman said was the truth.

"Oh, I know that look. The 'I can’t trust anyone, but myself' look. I invented it."

Emily added, trying to make it sound funny, but ultimately, it still came out serious, because it was true. JJ smiled at her slightly, but she looked sad.

"Do you ever feel like you’re in way over your head?" Emily nodded, wanting her to continue.

"I got assigned to an information hunt. Instead, I am chasing an unsub, who killed my informant."

"What would Hotch tell you to do?" Emily asked without hesitation. That’s how she found her way around during any investigation, ever since she joined the BAU.

"Focus on victimology, let behavior lead the way…"

JJ listed out loud.

"Exactly. Who did your unsub kill?"

"The one person I was getting through to."

"Why?"

Emily continued with her questions, seeing that they initiated JJ’s thought process.

"Because I was getting through to…" JJ said, frowning.

"I was getting through to her. What if she was about to expose her killer? Someone on the inside…"

Emily could tell that JJ needed somebody else to look at her situation and see it in from a different angle. JJ got really pensive, her eyes glued to some nonexistent point in space.

"It sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script." Emily said slowly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I guess it does." JJ said with a tiny smile, before getting up.

"Hey, why won’t you try and sleep at least a while? We won’t be landing for several hours, so…"

"Right. You should try and sleep too. I’ve been in a coma, so I caught some Zs, when you think about it. Medically induced ones, but still. You on the other hand must be exhausted."

Emily’s face was covered in grey, purple and yellow spots, but JJ’s face, even though not bruised, still indicated that she had a rough couple of days. She had bags under her eyes, her cheeks pale, instead of slightly flushed like they normally were, her face tired.

They both looked quite miserable.

JJ just smiled in response, but her eyes weren’t a part of that smile. Her eyes stayed sad.

She walked to another seat, so she could try and lie down.

Emily wanted to let JJ rest, because she suspected that by suggesting sleeping, she actually had an excuse to take a nap herself, even if it was supposed to last only few minutes. She deserved a good night sleep, Emily thought to herself, watching the blonde struggling to find a comfortable position. When she eventually succeeded, Prentiss leaned back in her own seat, looking out the window. Her chest was still burning, but she wouldn’t even flinch. Her eyes, almost independently from her will, landed on the other woman every couple of minutes. She watched JJ’s chest move rhythmically, until her breathing became really deep and really steady and she was without a doubt asleep.

She knows what’s happening,

Emily thought to herself.

And so does Hotchner.

Yet, they’re going to have to look at the rest being in pain and they’re going to have to pretend that they’re going through the same thing.

And when she thought about Hotch, it wasn’t that hard to imagine.

He would keep himself perfectly composed in pretty much any situation she ever saw him in.

He was able to calculate his next move without showing as much as a microexpression.

It could be a little unsettling sometimes, but then again when he was surrounded by his family, when he was with Jack, he would expose this softer and loving side of himself. Just a bit. It was quite the view.

Emily had no doubt that he was a good father. And a good man.

He really was great at planning, thinking ahead like no one else;

he had his way of smoothly dealing with issues that inevitably came up during their investigations.

All those things made him an incredible section chief.

Emily was certain that she could trust him with her life. And she did.

It would be hard for anyone to keep such a burdening secret from people you are constantly around.

Eventually, you could start believing the lie, but that also took dedication. It was even harder when you had to lie to people that were actually a part of your life, people that you were close to.

It’s one thing to be undercover and to keep a secret from people you’re trying to infiltrate. During such operations it felt justified to do that, choosing the lesser evil, the end justify the means and all that.

It’s a completely different thing to do that to your friends and family.

"The secret to getting away with lying is believing with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself even more so than lying to another."

A quote by the author Elizabeth Bear, that she's memorized from reading her New Amsterdam series more than once. She was repeating it in her mind, not being able to stop.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in. She knew that they made the right call. Still, it was just devastating, thinking what they voluntarily sentenced themselves to.

She tried to calm herself down with proper breathing. It helped.

Emily finally decided to try to sleep. She thought that since she was still medicated, she’d pass out easily, but that didn’t happen.

Every time she closed her eyes, she saw faces of her team members. She felt like her chest was being crushed. Breathing didn't really help.

After what felt like forever of forcing herself to fall asleep without any luck, she opened her eyes and just kept them open. She focused her gaze on what was behind the window.

The clouds, barely visible in the navy skies.

She didn’t do it on purpose, but she realized that she started to dissociate.

And she let herself do it.

The numbness felt better than the stinging guilt.

She didn’t really register it, but tears left her eyes, falling on her lashes and cheeks, as her deep, dark eyes focused on the navy color in front of her, forty thousand feet above the ground.

She couldn’t tell how long it took, but only JJ’s turning in her sleep, simultaneously throwing a bag off the seat made Emily come back to reality. Blonde didn’t wake up. She looked really peaceful.

She thought about not seeing her for God knows how long. It stung, to a point of her gasping. Afraid, that maybe that could’ve woken her up, Emily wiped her tears away, but JJ’s eyes stayed closed. And these intrusive thoughts came back to roam inside her head.

Sure, JJ wouldn’t be with the BAU now, since she’s had that informant operation, but no doubt, she would still see them. They were a huge part of her life after all.

Emily watched her face, calm and soft, imaging it twisted in pain and grief, having to pretend one of their own was dead.

In her mind, JJ was one of the strongest people she knew. She was persistent, hardworking and incredibly professional, but she was also kind, nurturing and very loyal.

What she was doing for her at this very moment proved it perfectly.

She knew that JJ accepted her part in this plan on her own and if she were to start trying to talk her out of it (never mind that it was also too late for that at this point), she wouldn’t change her mind. To be fair, if they switched places, she would do the same for JJ, but still, she couldn’t stop worrying about the woman sleeping on a seat across from her.

Emily watched her friend and it brought her some sort of comfort, a feeling of safety.

She finally dozed off, trying not to think, but focused on JJ’s steady breathing instead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Emily, we’ll be landing in about an hour."

She heard, opening her eyes, and she saw JJ standing in front of her, one of her hands on her shoulder.

"I thought you’d like to change before the transfer."

Emily’s hand landed on top of hers, holding both of them on her shoulder.

"Oh, right. Thank you, I…" she looked down at their hands, trying to focus. "We’ll have to say goodbye soon, right?" she blurted out, looking back at her face.

JJ sighed and sat down right next to her, not taking her hand away, but instead, intertwining their fingers and resting both their hands in Emily’s lap.

"Well, it seems so."

She smiled, but her eyes were reddened, filling with tears once again.

Emily’s gaze was glued to their hands, watching JJ’s wrist and fingers, so delicate right now, but perfectly capable of throwing a good punch. Her eyes stopped at the ring on her finger; Henry’s birthstone. She felt that strange feeling again, that warmth spreading throughout her body.

"It’s not going to last forever. We will find Doyle."

JJ mumbled out and Emily held her breath.

"I know, but… I will miss you so much."

Emily said, before instinctually putting her arms around blonde’s waist, to which she responded with wrapping her arms around her neck. JJ tried to be gentle, because of Emily’s condition, but brunette only held her tighter.

They were so close right now, that she could hear the other woman’s heartbeat. It was slightly elevated.

JJ pulled back just a little, so she could look at her face.

"I will miss you as well." she whispered, their eyes laid on each other.

JJ said the next sentence so quietly, that Emily could barely hear it.

"You’re very special to me, you know that?"

Emily wouldn’t be able to logically explain why she did what she did next, but somehow her hands ended up on both sides of JJ’s face and she leaned in, placing her lips on blonde’s ones.

She wasn’t thinking, but as she kissed her, the other woman immediately kissed her back. Emily felt soft palms cupping her face, her eyes closed. That kiss was filled with so much pain and longing and some kind of desperation.

But it made her whole body fill up with that warmth.

Emily wasn’t even sure what that was, so she tried to be gentle. She ended up kissing JJ in a somewhat shy manner, yet the other agent was deepening the kiss with each second, making it more and more passionate. Emily felt her back hitting the wall and a moan left her throat, captured by the kiss. JJ reacted by slowing down, moving her fingers across her face, running them through her hair. Emily was still cupping JJ’s face, her skin felt so soft and warm under her fingers when she brushed them across her cheeks. Their tongues slowly swirling around one another, this time Emily caused JJ to gasp, as she bit her lower lip. She responded with kissing brunette even more eagerly, so Emily brushed her fingers along her neck, resting them on her shoulders. One of her hands was caressing the skin covering JJ’s collarbone. At that she sighed, barely audibly, but Emily caught it. Her fingers moved towards the skin covering her breastbone.

JJ suddenly pulled back and broke the kiss, leaving both of them breathing heavily, blood flowing through their cheeks and lips.

Emily placed her hands back on JJ’s shoulders, she didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable.

Finally, after what felt like forever, she broke the silence.

"JJ, I…" she didn’t even know what to say. It wasn’t right. She had a loving husband, a family. She didn’t mean to ruin it for her.

"We don’t have to talk about this." she said quickly and Emily felt strange. She took her hands off of her shoulders and leaned back, so there was space between them.

"I… Dont… Look, if we won’t see each other for…"

She started, but her voice broke, when she realized what expression showed up on JJ’s face.

Regret.

Emily felt so many contradicting things in that moment, that she basically froze. JJ was looking away.

"You went through something traumatic, we all did. It’s only natural to crave human contact then. And it can present itself in many different ways. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine."

"JJ, it means… It means everything for me."

Emily choked out, placing her hand on top of blonde’s. JJ turned her hand, so she could squeeze Emily’s one between her fingers.

She smiled looking at their hands, but only for a fraction of a second. And then she took her hand away, only to look Emily straight in her eyes. She seemed sad, but also… Agitated.

"I can’t give you what you want, Emily." she said quickly, getting up.

"There’s too many reasons why. And… You have to leave."

JJ stated, sort of matter-of-factly.

Emily couldn’t really comprehend what just happened. But all of the pain, both physical and mental suddenly came back, not dimmed anymore.

This was… This wasn’t the time for this. Come on, Emily, it’s time to compartmentalize again. You used to be so good at this!

Well, before joining the team anyway.

"We’re landing in 15. You have to change, definitely cover up these bruises at least a bit." JJ continued talking, her voice morphing back to that task-oriented tone. She was taking clothes and makeup out of the bags, handing the items to her. "Hurry."

Emily felt like she couldn’t move, but she forced herself to get up and do what she needed to. They weren’t looking at each other and even though she wanted to scream, she kept perfectly quiet.

Compartmentalize. It’s not the time. It didn’t mean anything.

They landed and after JJ made sure that the right person was waiting outside to drive Emily to a safehouse, she stood in front of her and hugged her. Emily wasn’t really expecting that right now, since the atmosphere was so tense.

"I will miss you, no matter what." JJ whispered and even though Emily was so stunned from the pain and all around confused, she knew they couldn’t part without a proper goodbye.

"Thank you, for everything. Take care of them." Emily said and she embraced her tightly, one last time. Emily wanted to say that she’ll miss her like crazy, but it felt both like too much and not enough.

She didn’t want to let them turn this into a final goodbye.

"Of course. I will see you soon, okay?" JJ smiled and Emily smiled back. It wasn’t the best forced smile, but she just couldn’t do better in that moment.

"Goodbye, Jennifer." she said sounding way too official, taking a first step out.

"Goodbye, Emily."

Prentiss turned away and quickly made her way to the parked car.

She saw JJ’s face one last time through the tiny window.

The car left the landing strip and disappeared in the night.

„Goodbye, Emily.” she thought to herself, as she caught her own reflection in the side mirror.

„Goodbye, Emily.”

JJ whispered, placing a red rose on the coffin.

[vhsrights]

Ever since I saw them posts about JJ have short hair??? Like a pixie cut??? Wanna do me a solid and tell me your thoughts on Emily’s first (and maybe subsequent) reaction when JJ walks into the bullpen? Assuming they’re not together already.

OH OH BRILLIANT THOUGHT WHILE IM WRITING THIS: JJ with short hair AND a leather jacket. I feel like PG definitely had a hand in this new change in JJ...

for sure i gotchu! :) this was one that i have been wanting to do for a while. (edit: so i know that you only asked for my thoughts but i got really excited and into it so i turned it into an OS) <3

Dashing

Pairing: Pre Jemily - talked about

WC: 4.8k words

Summary: JJ with short hair, and what it does to Emily :) [bullpen and team night out version; pre jemily] (like a prelude to gnc jj)

It happened on a Thursday afternoon. JJ had been shaking all day, but Penelope had convinced her that it would be okay. The blonde locks that she had been identified with for so long felt even heavier against her shoulders. She made sure to stay hidden away in her office, thanking her lucky stars that they were off case rotation. Her fingers consistently found themselves back into her hair, twisting and twirling them relentlessly. If JJ could have simply willed her long hair away, she would have. She restlessly twirled the pen in her hand for several hours, making little headway on the mountain of files by her. Her eyes kept darting over to the screen of her computer monitor, feverishly checking and rechecking the time.

5:45 pm. That was when the appointment was set for. JJ wished that she would be able to simply forget about it until then. Maybe if she did, she would actually get more work done. She texted Penelope, who was out for coffee on a break, to get her some too. Soon after she got the caffeine, JJ was able to shut out the rest of her thoughts. The boost alone drove her to finish files at triple her previous rate. Maybe that was also the adrenaline. Her phone broke her trance-like consciousness when it began to beep incessantly. She had set an alarm to go off 45 minutes before her appointment, enough time for her to wrap up at the office and calm her nerves before she made the short 10-minute drive to the barbershop.

Feeling her heart pound harder in her chest, JJ sat back in her chair to ground herself. She decided that getting up before she had a grip on her emotions was not a good idea. JJ let her eyes close gently and her mind began to wander. In her head, JJ saw the faces of those that she had met as this version of herself. They had all changed her, for better or for worse, and the memories began to flow in. It started with her mother and father. They had given a life that she couldn’t have been more appreciative of in the early years, forgoing the memories of harsh words and other negative acts. Moving on quickly, the next face flashed before her eyes. Roslyn.

Her sister had been her saving grace before JJ could even comprehend the idea. JJ had always looked up to the girl. Roslyn was phenomenal and JJ could only imagine how far she would have made it if she had still been alive. Roslyn was the one that had taught JJ how to braid her hair, wash it, and even curl it. Roslyn had curled her long blonde hair for the first time when she watched her get ready for the homecoming dance. It had only been one clump of strands but the way that her sister had so gently handled her locks left JJ in awe of Roslyn’s caring nature. After Roslyn left, JJ held onto her hairstyle, scared to let go of it as it sometimes felt like her only tie to her older sister.

Her college best friends, partners in the Academy, Hotch, Reid, Rossi, and so many more came and left in her thoughts. It was like her thoughts were forming their own little presentation of what JJ was getting rid of today. Some had more important roles than others but she had to remind herself that today wasn’t getting rid of anything but her hair. She was still JJ, but this felt more real. She wouldn’t have to avert her eyes in the mirror as much, and it would help to match her appearance more closely to how she felt inside.

Eventually, her mind came to the inevitable. Emily. Emily was something to JJ that she couldn’t describe. JJ loved Emily, but it wasn’t just that. Over time, as she had gotten to know the woman, JJ had come to truly understand her. It was the kind of intimacy that relied on the briefest of eye contact, all thoughts conveyed in body language alone. She couldn’t tell Emily though. It was too risky, and no matter how bold JJ was, Emily was a whole new world. She pushed away the thought that Emily would hate her haircut. If Emily rejected the haircut, it would feel more like she rejected who JJ truly was. But she would never do that. Right?

No, Emily would never do that. She couldn’t, because then JJ didn’t know what she’d do. Trying to distract herself from the increasing anxiety, she tried to remember their Girl’s Nights and separate hangouts where Emily would mindlessly run her fingers through JJ’s hair. It was how she calmed JJ, and the experience itself felt like home to the blonde. Glancing down at her watch, JJ realized that she got a bit too tied up with her imagination and saw that it was 5:25. Grabbing her things in a frenzy, JJ quickly headed out of the bullpen. She caught a glance of Morgan, eyebrows raised in bewilderment. JJ waved the team off, not slowing down on her way to the elevator. Hotch already knew that she was taking the early day so she was set.

JJ shot a text off to Garcia before driving off, telling her to check her office for anything that JJ might have forgotten and that she was going to her apartment after the haircut. Throwing her phone into the passenger seat, JJ drummed her fingers against the steering as she pulled out of the parking lot. She drove to the barbershop and reached in 7 minutes. Emily and her crazy driving skills would have been proud. Exiting the door rather quickly, JJ ran her fingers through her hair one last time.

This was goodbye.

She fidgeted with her fingers the entire time she waited for her appointment. JJ rocked her body gently, forward and backward, grounding herself in the steady rhythm. After some time, a person wearing a short-sleeved, cuffed button-down and a large black apron approached her. Their hair was cropped short, the sides shaved to a small length to let the top flow over their forehead. It was perfectly what JJ wanted. She felt her face grow hot at the realization that this was actually happening. JJ was going to do the big chop.

“Hi, Welcome to the Queer Barbers’ Guild. My name is Tay and I can help you today. JJ, isn’t it?” Tay held out their hand as JJ stood up, initiating their quick handshake.

“Uh, yeah. I had said over the phone that I wanted to cut most of my hair off. Actually, I would like exactly what you have. If that works?” JJ took quick strides to keep up with the barber, hearing the bustle of the shop as they got closer to the chair.

Tay chuckled, nodded, and gestured for JJ to sit in the seat. They pumped up its height, adjusting it to their work position. She sat down eagerly, feeling energized as the moment of the cut drew nearer.

“So are you looking to do a wash first today? I can definitely do my cut on you, so it’s just whatever you want. I would have to say though, I think you’re going to look rather dashing.” JJ blushed and failed to respond.

Dashing. Not pretty.

“I haven’t washed my hair in a few days for this haircut, so that would be nice. Thank you.”

JJ sat back in the chair and let Tay drape the apron cover over her. They combed through her hair slowly, getting tassels out and examining it for the cut. Once it was all brushed out, they measured out lengths and showed them to JJ in the mirror. JJ soon came to an idea of what she wanted.

Tay led her out of the chair and over the washing room. She sat down and made herself comfortable. JJ tried to solidify those last few moments in her head as the last memories she had with her long hard. The warm water began to run over her scalp and she forgot what else was running through her head. Before she knew it, the wash was over and she was back in the hair cut chair.

Now was the time.

They dried her hair and combed through it again. JJ closed her eyes. She was scared of what would happen. What if it wasn’t right? How would she undo the damage? She then felt a chilled glass against her fingers. Slowly peeking one eye open, she spotted some kind of alcohol in Tay’s outstretched hand. Curious, JJ looked up at the barber.

“To calm your nerves. Don’t worry, I’ve done plenty of these chops myself and I had my own. Trust me, things are only going to get better from here. So, here’s to relaxing. You earned it.”

“Thank you. Really, thank you.” JJ couldn’t explain her gratitude as she took the glass.

Maybe everything would be okay.

JJ relaxed and Tay began to gather her hair for the big chop. Tay carefully sectioned her hair, making sure to constantly check the length. Then, the time came. Tay lightly tapped her on the shoulder, indicating that they had the scissors at the ready. All they needed was the go-ahead from JJ. The blonde took in one last deep breath, giving them permission on her exhale.

The first cut was the most jarring. JJ could feel the hair being cut, its strands tugging at the sharp shears. She let out a gasp and everything happened too quickly for her to process after that. The hair fell left and right, leaving her head feeling instantly lighter and freer.

Tay worked incredibly efficiently. They managed to keep checking in with JJ as they deftly cut her hair. Soon, it was gone. The buzz of the razor sent a jolt up JJ’s spine but Tay quickly reassured her. They made light passes and cut down the hair on the sides and back. It was still nearly half an inch long, but that was exactly what JJ wanted.

“There you go. All done, JJ. What do you think?” Their voice cut through the haze of JJ’s thoughts and she turned her head, examining her new look.

The long hair was gone.

JJ had short hair now. It felt like a high, like one she’d never felt before but would never let up again. She ran her fingers through it, marveling at the softness and sleek nature of the look. She looked pretty fucking dashing. JJ turned around and looked at Tay, struggling to keep her tears at bay. She shouldn’t be on the verge of crying. JJ chastised herself internally.

“I- I don’t really have the words to thank you right now. I know that I shouldn’t be so emotional over a haircut, but you made everything perfect.” JJ held her head down, trying to hold back the tears.

“Of course. It’s no problem. For the emotions, believe me, I was a sobbing mess when I got my first big chop. You can always ask for me when you come to the Guild. Thanks for coming, and we can go up to the front for payment now.”

JJ paid and left the establishment. She was still dazed, not sure if everything was real. Her fingers found their way back into her hair several times, simply running through it as she made her way to the car. Her watch showed 7:03 pm as the time and JJ pulled out her phone. Her fingers quivered as she typed out her text to Penelope. She didn’t want to text her friend a picture of herself, deciding to keep the hair a surprise until she arrived at Penelope’s apartment.

Jayje (7:03 PM): Got the haircut. Pen this feels fucking crazy. I almost cried in the shop because of how nice my barber was and how I look. Heading over now.

PG (7:03 PM): AHHHH im so excited for you!! i already know that you look hot as fuck babes.

JJ smiled and set her stuff aside. She was off to Penelope’s apartment. The analyst had told her that she had a surprise for her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

JJ pulled up to the analyst’s apartment. The sun was still high in the sky outside, and she could hear the chirp of several little birds off in the distance. Penelope was waiting for her. Taking one last deep breath, JJ walked towards the front door. It was part of a little archway to a quaint apartment but it could have been the door to the White House with how nervous JJ was.

She shivered as she rang the doorbell. Here goes nothing. Reaction number one, how bad can it be? Penelope had already been anticipating JJ’s arrival so the door flew open mere seconds later. She appeared in the doorway, beaming with energy. Then she laid her eyes on JJ.

“OH. MY. GOD. JAYJE. YOU LOOK AMAZING.” Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped at the sight of JJ.

Penelope dragged JJ into the apartment faster than the blonde could respond to her statement. She was bubbling with excitement, super ready to give JJ her present. Penelope began to give a preface before they reached her couch. On it, sat a medium-sized silver bag. Tissue was popping out of the top and JJ was drawn to it. Penelope noticed her eyes on the present.

“Go ahead. Open it. I got it for you because I think it definitely matches your new vibe and that you ARE wearing it to team drinks tomorrow. Emily won’t be able to take her eyes off of you!”

JJ paused.

“What does Emily have to do with this?” She looked back at Penelope, her forehead scrunched in confusion.

“You’re joking, right? You can’t seriously ignore the tension between you two. It’s Miss Darking and Brooding and The Badass Baby Blonde. You two are a power couple! Unless, you aren’t madly in love with her and would be fine with me setting her up with this other friend of mine…”

“Okay, okay. No setting Emily up with your friend. She’s mine, thank you very much.” JJ spoke confidently, knowing that Penelope could see right through her bravado.

“I’m sure she is. That’s why you asked her out. Oh, wait…”

“Fine, so I haven’t asked her out. I’m just terrified. She’s Emily.”

“Yeah, and you’re JJ. Plus, now you have that super butch look so you can ask her out tomorrow. But not until you open the gift!” Penelope pointed at the glossy bag once more.

JJ rolled her eyes and turned back to the bag. She slowly pulled out the tissue and spotted dark fabric underneath it. Reaching inside, it was cool to the touch. JJ pulled out a black, leather jacket. It was sleek with 4 zippers, 2 collar buttons, and seams that traced around the jacket.

JJ thumbed it and fell more and more in love with it as she took in the jacket more. It was perfect. This jacket, combined with the haircut and the way that Tay complimented her earlier, felt like an amalgamation of the person that she was supposed to be. JJ wasn’t the girl that hid behind her femininity and used it as a weapon to get her way. In fact, her femininity did more against her than it did for her. Pushing that thought out of her head, JJ turned to Penelope.

With tears in her eyes, she hugged Penelope. She hugged her with all her might. She couldn’t describe the feeling in her head. Later, she would come to find out that it was gender euphoria. But in that moment, every positive emotion felt weak in comparison to the explosion of happiness in her mind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

JJ had opted for her pantsuit for work on Friday. Her normal skirt suits just didn’t fit who she saw herself as in the moment. Whether that would change or not, she didn’t know. It felt powerful, and with her hair coiffed up, JJ was unstoppable.

The elevator doors dinged open and she hesitantly took her first step. The big glass doors of the BAU seemed daunting now, and it made JJ feel small. She felt insignificant and her breath partially caught in her throat. Looking over at her watch, JJ realized that she was almost late. Deciding that the time to wait was over, JJ took confident strides forward. She pushed the doors open and made her way to her office until something stopped her.

Derek’s voice boomed out in front of her. Reid and the rest of the BAU men were sitting at his desk and their eyes lifted up to meet hers. It took all of JJ’s strength not to turn on her heel and bolt. But she loved this haircut, and it made her confident; so she had to act like it. Slowing up her stride, she detoured over to the group. Derek had called out to her, commenting on the haircut.

All of them were genuinely curious, stating their approval multiple times. JJ even got a fistbump from Derek and a wide smile from Spencer. Hotch’s usual morose expression lightened up. They talked about how she had wanted to get it, the differences from long hair, and the overall confidence boost. It was invigorating. More than anything else, JJ felt her heart swell at the sheer support from her teammates. They joked about her being one of the guys; and though right now it was short hair, JJ could feel that it was just the tip of the iceberg.

They eventually got to the topic of where she cut it and JJ casually mentioned the barbershop. At that, Derek’s eyes lit up. He was always one to preach the benefits of a barbershop, offering the argument that it was a place that created a sense of family. He asked if it had been The Queer Barber’s Guild, to which JJ had nodded her head. His interest peaked, Derek asked if it had been Penelope’s recommendation. To that, JJ nodded enthusiastically again.

“Yeah, she’s always loved that place. Babygirl got me hooked on it too, right after I came out. They’ve got some really cool bi stuff in there. Who did you have? Was it Tay? They’re my bro, and a top notch barber.”

“I did have them. They made things so easy. I’m definitely only going there from now on.”

JJ and the group carried on their conversation for a little longer when she heard a squeal behind her. She turned partially to see Penelope clacking over in her yellow heels. She had a huge smile plastered on her face, and was obviously excited for JJ.

“Jayje! You look even better today than you did yesterday! So what’s going on, are we talking about the QBG because, my god, do I love that place!”

Everyone giggled and they continued the conversation. Penelope watched as JJ’s eyes shifted around the bullpen ever so slightly. Of course. JJ was looking for the only missing member, arguably her favorite one. Emily. Penelope held back her laugh yet could help but to smile at the blonde’s little search. She leaned in close to JJ and tapped her on the shoulder.

“She’s in the break room.” JJ tried to fake obliviousness, but she knew that she’d been caught.

“Thanks PG.”

Casually excusing herself from the conversation, JJ left on the behest of “files that she needed to tend to”. She didn’t care if anyone bought the excuse. In her mind, the only place for her to go was the break room. JJ wanted to show Emily the “new her”. Of course, it wasn’t new, but she felt different. Trying not to give things much more thought, JJ arrived at the break room with a quick pace.

She noticed Emily at the coffee counter, stirring her mug. JJ was overcome with something at the sight of Emily. Not even thinking, she leaned against the doorframe and called out to the brunette.

“Got enough for another cup?” Her voice was nonchalant but her heart was pounding in her chest.

Emily perked up at the sound but didn’t turn around. She finished stirring her coffee and began turning around before starting to speak.

“Jen! Oh, shoot, I just used the last of it for my cup.” Emily spoke cheerily as she brought the mug to her lips.

Then her eyes landed on JJ.

Emily completely froze, nearly choking on her coffee. Her eyes widened as they took in her friend’s new look. JJ looked hot. There was a pervading silence between them, but neither could break their trance for long enough to say something. Emily looked over the short hair on JJ’s head, inspecting it almost. She noticed how it’s varied length set off the blonde’s angular features. Emily could almost feel her knees go weak but held it together.

Neither knew nor cared to time how long they stayed like that. It somehow hadn’t reached the point of awkwardness, but both JJ and Emily’s minds were overactive. At some point, JJ managed to point back at the coffee pot. Emily jolted up and moved to the side, breaking her haze. Her gaze instead landed on their best friend in the distance, who was giving her a very enthusiastic thumbs up. Penelope Garcia really was something.

Emily rolled her eyes and turned back to JJ. She was setting things up for a new pot of coffee and the brunette couldn’t help but to watch her intently.

“So, uh, Jen. The haircut. You look amazing. It really suits you.”

“Thanks, Em. I just got it yesterday and I already feel like a whole new person. It’s a bit strange, but honestly, I love it.”

Emily smiled dopily, attempting to hide her grin behind her sips of coffee. They spoke for a little longer before the coffee was nearly done brewing. The small talk was comfortable, though not the kind of conversations they usually had. It was workplace appropriate because that was what JJ and Emily were, colleagues.

“Okay, I’m gonna head back to my desk. I’ll see you at team drinks tonight?” Emily patted JJ’s arm and turned to leave.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” JJ blushed and the two ignored the giddiness they felt.

After leaving the break room, Emily made her way to Penelope’s lair instead. She definitely had some thoughts about JJ’s new look.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch, Reid, and Rossi were the first to arrive. They were known for their punctuality. The bar wasn’t crowded just yet, the Friday night crowd was beginning to flow in. They had all changed into more casual wear, except for Rossi. The men made small talk until Derek and Emily drove in nearly 15 minutes later. They had hung out before and just decided to ride in together.

Emily and Derek’s arrival immediately added more pizzazz to the event, spurring them to order the first round of drinks. Things were lively after a crushing week at work and the BAU was ready to let loose. Not long after Emily had placed their drinks order, JJ and Penelope arrived.

JJ was wearing a white Tshirt, ripped black jeans, vans, and most importantly the leather jacket. She drowned out any thoughts of doubt with the idea that this was her family and that soon they would be intoxicated enough to simply not care. She trailed slightly behind Penelope’s eager steps but they eventually reached the table. Hotch spotted her first. He gave her an approving nod, a barely noticeable smile gracing his expression.

Emily spotted her next. Before she could stop herself, Emily’s breath caught in her throat and she gasped. JJ had left her speechless for the second time that day. Her gaze passed over every part of JJ’s outfit. She felt her face get hot and Emily shoved her hands in her pockets. By that point, JJ and Penelope had joined the group at their table but Emily had yet to say a word.

“Wow, Jen, you look amazing. That leather jacket is perfect. It’s a very hot look, but also very you.” Emily couldn’t help her awkwardness but the compliments just kept going. She couldn’t find a way to stop herself.

JJ's thoughts staggered with the compliments but she was able to thank Emily. Penelope simply watched the entire interaction with a smirk plastered on her face. After that, the alcohol took no time in arriving at their tables. They all downed those drinks quickly and went after another round. After a couple rounds, JJ pulled Emily out to the dance floor. They let the music take them over, relinquishing their thoughts to the rhythm on the dance floor.

They spent an unknown amount of time dancing, not caring about anything besides themselves and dancing. But soon, that magic started to fade and the women returned to their table. Derek was standing at the table’s side, having noticed the way that JJ and Emily stood closer as they drank more alcohol. Having a brilliant idea, he spoke up as JJ and Emily took a bite of the chips they had ordered for the table.

“JJ, Emily, I have an idea. Why don’t we play a little game? You two are the strong ladies of the BAU, including my Babygirl but right now I’m focusing on y’all. How about the two of you arm wrestle? I want to know which of you is stronger.”

“Derek, we’re both drunk. That’s not a fair game, even though we know the winner would be me.” JJ’s body swayed lightly, but Emily quickly stabilized her.

“I’m down. At least, I’m no chicken.” Emily spoke in a teasing tone, stealing a glance at JJ.

“Oh, no you don’t. Okay, let’s do it. I’m in.” JJ nodded enthusiastically, invigorated at the idea of a challenge to beat Emily in.

They cleared the space and let JJ and Emily get ready. Both did their own ridiculous warm ups, obviously exaggerating it. They set their arms down and were ready to begin when JJ stopped.

“Wait. What are the stakes?” Emily responded, saying something that she’d wanted to do for a long time.

“If I lose, I’ll take you out on a date. If you lose, you have to take me out on a date. How’s that sound?”

Her proposition shocked the entire table. They’d all been waiting for JJ and Emily to stop tiptoeing around each other. This was just not how they expected things to unfold, albeit it would make a great story for the future. Sober JJ and Penelope would have a field day with this.

“Deal.” JJ was drunk too, but that was an offer that was too good to pass up.

With that, Derek set the two up to begin the match. It was very evenly matched in the beginning. Neither woman budged, focusing very hard on their end prize. The team’s eyes shifted from JJ to Emily, and back again. Their grip was strong but no progress was being made. By the time that they had hit the 20 minute mark, Emily could feel the fog in her brain begin to clear up.

At that point, she took a closer look at her opponent. She watched the way that JJ’s blue eyes locked onto their hands, checking for even the slightest of hesitations. She saw the way that JJ’s clothes hung on her body, giving her an air of confidence that made JJ infinitely hotter. Finally, Emily looked back up to JJ’s hair. It’s long, straight stands dropped over her forehead and framed her face well. Emily lost herself in the thought of running her fingers through the silky cut.

That was when she felt the cool, hard wood of the table. Emily’s eyes widened and she looked down. There it was. Her hand was pressed against the surface, pinned underneath JJ’s.

“I win! Guess you have to take me out on that date, chicken.” JJ teased Emily, getting closer to the brunette’s face.

“I get to take someone as dashing as you out? Well, I might have lost but this seems like the better prize.

JJ’s heart soared at the compliment. The way that the word ‘dashing’ rolled off of Emily’s lips made her feel ecstatic. It wasn’t like when men called her pretty after buying a drink. This hair really was working wonders.

They ended the night with a kiss before Emily climbed out of the rideshare and walked up the apartment. JJ ran her fingers over her lips as the car pulled away. Best decision ever.

tag list: @ssa-jareaus @coramvobis @altsvu @hotchshoney @morcias @jelle-jareau @dragisthegame @ssakayprentish69 @dimitrescus-bitch @jay-writes-jemily @bridget19 @hmm-wanky @emilyprentissfangirl @tokoblade @temily

[luvervinyl]

The Heartbreak of Goodbyes

Pairing: Jemily

Warnings: angst, death mention, a lil bit of fluff, sad ending </3

Summary: JJ's last couple days with Emily in Paris before she goes to London.

Word count: 1.7k+

A/N: so… I wrote a thing because I had motivation for once… enjoy <3 I also made myself cry writing this. I am not mentally stable enough to be doing this </3 

_ _ _ _ _ 

Imagine having to say goodbye to the love of your life, not knowing when or if you will ever get them back. It truly is a very hard thing to do.  

_ _ _ _ _ 

JJ and Emily sit next to each other on the jet in silence, fingers intertwined with the others, gazing out the windows of the jet. Lingering stares of fear and sorrow were frequently passed between the two. They were both holding back tears that were so close to breaking free. 

Emily finally let out a sad sigh, "I can't believe this is happening"

"I know, I wish I didn't have to be like this, I don't know what I would do without you…" 

"It'll be okay though. We will see each other again… right?" 

"We can only hope," those words, potentially the hardest words for her to say. Because god all she wants is to see her again. This isn't what either of them wanted. 

It wasn't until JJ grasped Emily's hard a little harder out of impulse when the jet hit a turbulent, that they realized that this was truly goodbye, in less than 48 hours they would be playing it off as everything was okay. Emily, living her own life in London, away from JJ. 

JJ, having to pretend that she isn't wishing that Emily was in her arms… because she would be dead… to everyone else's knowledge, at least. 

Time being an unknown factor, the unknown amount of time Emily would be in Paris and not with JJ. Every moment that passed, every wasted chance, every memory, both good and bad hitting them all at once. It was enough for the tears to start falling. 

JJ didn't know how she could do it without her. Emily was her lover, her support, her co-worker, and best friend. She didn't know how she could stay strong without her. 

"I- how do I stay strong without you with you, Emily… how do I do it? I don't know how to go about life without you-" The sobs cut her off.

Emily brought her hand up to wipe away the tears that were now streaming down JJ's face. Wiping them away, she cupped her cheek with her hand, taking in the sight of her love, knowing that it would be an eternity before she could feel her touch again. JJ's lips met hers for a passionate kiss to really take in the moment. 

Pulling away for a breath, Emily's touch lingered moments after she removed her hand from JJ's cheek. If that was what it would be like without Emily, it would be unbearable to say the least. 

"I can't do this without you, Emily…" 

"You can, you're strong, I will be back soon" she said a small reassuring smile appeared on her face momentarily.

Sitting in a comfortable silence, they wait for the plane to land so they can spend one last day and a half together before they're off living their own lives for however long Emily will be in Paris for. 

Hoping for the remaining hours to go slowly once they land, wanting to treasure the hours left, the hours left with each other. 

_ _ _ _ _  

The plane landed and they got out and they were off, checking into a hotel that they would stay at for the night before JJ left in the morning and Emily was transferred elsewhere. 

They quickly dropped everything off in the hotel room and then they made their way over to a coffee shop nearby. Fingers intertwined as they walked down the busy streets to get there. Cool air blowing at their faces, the smell of coffee now in the air as they step into the coffee shop. 

Ordering their coffee's, the couple walked out of the shop down to a park near there. After all they wanted to enjoy this last day together, so they decided that they might as well make it fun. 

Walking around the park the cool spring air, sending shivers down their spines. Finding a big tree, they sit down under it admiring the view around them.

"It's so pretty"

"Yeah, it is, but not as pretty as you" 

"You're such a flirt, Em," JJ said as she let out a little laugh. 

They stayed there for a while, the sun started to set and then they made their way back to the hotel. 

Heading inside, Emily collapsed down onto the bed, JJ following in suit right after. Turning to face each other, staring at the other's eyes JJ brought her hand up to rest on Emily's cheek. 

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill out. Despite having a few hours left with JJ, just the thought of being away from her was enough to make her cry. JJ wiped away the falling tears, giving her a small, sad smile.

"It's going to be okay…" JJ said in a way that seemed as though she was trying to convince herself of it. 

Who was going to wipe away her tears when JJ was in DC, away from her…  

Closing her eyes, trying to get her breathing back to normal, the tears falling quickly, JJ pulled her into her arms, holding her close. Emily rests her head on JJ's chest, her shirt soaking up the tears that just wouldn't stop. 

"I'm going to miss you a lot, JJ". 

"I'm going to miss you too, Emily".

JJ, brushing Emily's hair with her fingers, causing Emily to calm down and sink into her touch. Pulling the covers over themselves, they started to drift off to sleep. JJ placed a kiss on Emily's head, then fell asleep. The comfort of each other, the touch, something they may not have for a while after. 

_ _ _ _ _ 

The sun cascaded through the room from the large panel windows in the hotel room. Still holding on to each other Emily's eyes flutter open as she lifts her head off JJ's chest slightly. Her eyes met with JJ's deep blue ones. A small smile appeared on her face, all she wanted to do for the rest of her life is to be with her. 

"Good morning, Jayje"

"Morning, Em"

Emily pressed a kiss to JJ's collarbone and then to her lips. Pulling apart with a lingering smile on both their faces, eyes locked with the others. Almost forgetting what was going to happen today. It was as if they were in their own little world, with just them in it. 

Looking at the clock on the table, next to the bed, it was almost time to say goodbye. Emily's smile dropped, it was like her little bubble that she was in with JJ for a few minutes was popped, and she was taken back to reality at full force. 

JJ tilts Emily's chin up and just looks at her sad brown eyes. They slowly roll out of bed get ready, they had a few hours to spend together before JJ had to go, and Emily had to go to London from there. 

They spent the next few hours exploring parts of Paris and enjoying each other's company, just letting reality seep in. Things weren't going to be normal for months, if at all. 

Time seemed to go faster than usual, before they knew it it was time to say goodbye. JJ's flight back to DC was set to happen in an hour. The sun setting, it was time.  

Emily's hands clasped both of JJ's. Too late to stop the tears, they were falling so quickly. Speechless, they never thought they'd have to do this. 

The cool night air biting at thier noses. They rested their foreheads together. 

"We'll be able to see each other again, we will… okay?" 

"Yeah" 

Emily brought her hand up to JJ's face, wiping away the tears, reassuring her that they'd be able to see each again, despite not knowing if they would be able to herself. 

"One second" she said as she let go of JJ's hands.

Emily reached into her pocket and pulled out a gold necklace with a small gold locket attached. 

"Here, JJ I want you to have this, so you'll always have something to remind yourself of me, of us. No matter what happens". 

Putting it around JJ's neck, it looking so good on her. 

"It looks great on you" 

She smiled through the heartbreak of saying goodbye. JJ grabbed Emily's face and pulled her in for a deep chaste kiss. 

"Come here," JJ said breathlessly.

JJ's hands around the back of Emily's neck, fingers in her hair. Emily's hands on JJ's waist. Pulling away for a moment to catch their breath then placing one more kiss on her lips. They rested their heads together, one last smile breaking through. 

"This wasn't exactly how I expected our first trip to Paris to be" 

Emily let out a small chuckle, "oh, really?" 

"Yeah" 

It was time… the clock struck midnight. Not wanting to let go of JJ's hands, she just wanted to be in her arms forever. Not this, not like this. 

"I have to go now… I'll see you soon. I promise" 

"I love you Emily Prentiss… I always will" 

"And I love you, Jennifer Jareau, forever" 

She placed a kiss on each of JJ's knuckles before slowly letting go of into the streets lit by the mood light. 

"Goodbye, my love…" JJ whispered to herself.

Leaving JJ standing there tears still falling, her hair blowing with the breeze, one hand clutching the necklace Emily have her. The other still grasping the air where Emily once was. 

She was gone… she was really gone… 

_ _ _ _ _

Taglist:

@gcld-rush @royalpenelope @haleymalaffey @abitcriminalminds

[gravelyhumerus]

Criminal Minds College AU - Chapter Nine

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Title: “I may just take your breath away”

Relationship: Jemily

Chapter Summary:

Emily and JJ sleep together.

Slow-burn Jemily college AU where they live across the hall and despite all odds, the universe pushes them together. AKA they’re silly gay babies who pine after each other for months.

Read it on AO3

Tumblr:  One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, (bonus scene), Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Epilogue

Content warning: detailed descriptions of sickness, abortion mention.

—

Jennifer Jareau looked like a drowned rat.

A pretty, blonde, sniffly drowned rat that Emily Prentiss had a massive crush on. 

She was soaked head to toe, her running shoes muddy and her hair slicked to her skull. She was shivering and looking absolutely miserable. Over her shoulder was her blue duffel bag full of her soccer equipment. It was a Monday, so Emily knew JJ had a practice that afternoon. 

“Pen locked me out of our room,” JJ said without greeting as she walked into Emily’s room, “And I need a towel.”

“Hello to you too, Jayje,” Emily said sarcastically. 

She stepped back to let her friend enter, shivering at the thought of having to play soccer in the pouring rain, let alone a rainy November afternoon when the temperature was verging on freezing. Ever since the brutal storm on Halloween, the weather had been dreary and wet.

 Emily could see the field from her window, it was across the street by the Arts building. While she, and the rest of their friends, made a point to go to all of JJ’s games together and cheer her on, Emily was thankful that the weather had been ok so far, she wasn’t sure how much hypothermia she could handle for one girl. 

She grabbed her bath towel and tossed it JJ’s way, and opened her closet to find a cozy sweater to offer. Well, Emily thought, she probably would take hypothermia to support JJ, she just wouldn’t be happy about it. 

JJ was simultaneously drying her hair and rifling through her bag. She was still shivering from the cold.

“I left my keys when I ran out of my room this morning,” JJ explained, “And Pen promised she’d be here when it was over.”

“I think she’s teaching Hotch how to knit at his dorm,” Emily said with a laugh, having seen her Insta story a few minutes prior of Hotch struggling with his hands tangled in yarn. 

“Just wish she would’ve left the door unlocked,” JJ muttered, “I think I have my spare keys in here somewhere.”

“Here, take this,” Emily said, handing her a grey hoodie with “Oxford” written on the chest, a souvenir from when she lived in England. 

Emily turned around so JJ could at least get out of her wet shirt and into the sweater. For a second, the devil on her shoulder told her to look into the mirror on her closet door, that if she did she’d catch a glimpse of JJ shirtless, but Emily shook her head slightly, squeezing her eyes shut. Guilt flared in her stomach at the thought.

She’s been thinking about JJ too much lately. 

Their kiss. Their magical life changing kiss. The kiss to end all kisses. That was basically all Emily’s brain could focus on these days. 

Before that, her fantasies about Jennifer Jareau were simply fantasies, but now! Now she had her memories. That kiss lingered on her lips and on her brain and in her dreams. Sometimes late at night Emily has found herself putting a thumb onto her cheek, closing her eyes and pretending it was JJ’s hands pulling her closer, just as she had done in the basement on Halloween. 

If she had to describe how she felt, the only thing that made sense was to say that Emily was absolutely smitten with JJ. 

But, and there was always a but, they hadn’t mentioned the kiss since. Not even a word of acknowledgement between the two. 

The day after, when she and Derek walked to class, he interrogated her about what the hell happened , but Emily genuinely didn’t know. What she did know was that it wasn’t Emily who instigated, she thought, it was JJ who had pulled her tight and whose tongue swept across hers. 

That week, Emily had grown more and more concerned that she had crossed a line. JJ had started acting strangely, looking away anytime Emily looked at her and telling her that she was too busy to hang out. Then, that weekend JJ had surprised her with a party. A party to celebrate Emily, and Reid and Hotch.

Emily realized that JJ wasn’t ignoring her, instead she was scheming something to make Emily happy. And what had she done? Cried in the bathroom and made a scene. Instead of JJ realizing that Emily was a broken shell of a girl and running far from her, JJ had held her tight and told her everything was going to be ok.

Emily didn’t tell her everything that day, not about all the awful things she did to fit in as a teen, about her mistakes, her abortion, about Matthew… Not yet. Emily had tucked all of that into a box that need not be opened up any time soon.

So now, Emily had the thoughts of JJ’s lips dancing around her brain, but also of her hand in hers, her arms around her and the way she promised she’d always be there.

This got in the way when Emily was trying to focus on other things like school or carrying on a conversation with the blonde. 

JJ sneezed, startling Emily out of her thoughts. She turned back around and looked at JJ, who’s hair was slightly less wet and was now wearing her hoodie and looking a little bit warmer. 

“À tes souhaits,” Emily said, saying bless you in French.

“I hope I’m not getting sick,” JJ grumbled, dumping some pens out of her backpack in search of the elusive keys. “Kennedy’s gotten half the team out with the flu.”

She sneezed again.

“Gesundheit,” Emily said, having fun with her languages. 

“She got it from her boyfriend,” JJ continued, “You remember Anderson? On the water polo team?” 

Emily nodded, taking a seat on the edge of her desk, watching JJ sitting on her bed in her clothes, imagining a completely different situation where she would do that. (Emily’s thoughts were full of comments like these, her imagination going wild at the prospect of JJ maybe liking her back.)

“I’m going to kill Garcia,” JJ said, “She told me she’d be in our room after our game.”

“Aha!” JJ said, pulling her lanyard out of a pencil case. “Got them. Thanks Em for the towel. You’re the best neighbour I could ever ask for.”

JJ handed it back, and Emily took the slightly damp towel and hung it up on the back of her closet.

“Anytime,” Emily said, “Though I think this may be an elaborate plot to steal all of my clothes.”

JJ looked down at herself.

“I think it suits me!”

Emily had to agree.

 ———

Two days later, JJ was at Emily’s door again, but looking a lot worse for wear. 

A pink fuzzy blanket was wrapped around her shoulders, she was wearing oversized sweatpants and a sports bra, and her hair was messy and tucked behind her ears. Her nose was red and her skin looked pale.

“Hey Em,” JJ rasped.

“You’re sick,” Emily pointed out, unhelpfully.

“Nice work, Sherlock,” she said, coughing into her blanketed arm. 

“What’s up?” Emily asked, leaning on the door frame.

“I’m out of cold pills and can’t sleep,” JJ said.

“It’s like nine pm?” Emily said, the statement coming out as a question. 

“I have practice at six in the morning,” JJ said, adjusting the blanket around her shoulders, sniffling a little. The girl was swaying as she stood. 

“You cannot actually be going to practice in that state,” Emily said.

“What state?” JJ barely managed to get out between sneezes.

“ Bless you ,” Emily said, knowing the girl definitely needed it. 

Emily went to her desk, rummaging through a drawer. She found the very end of a cold and flu medicine pack, the kind with day and nighttime pills and handed them to JJ. 

“Those good?” Emily asked. 

JJ nodded and thanked her, before trudging back across the hall. 

Before her door closed Emily said: “ Please take a break JJ!”

“I’m fine,” came the nasal voice of her friend, followed by the sound of her blowing her nose. 

 ———

On Wednesday, JJ showed up to their weekly French study date somehow looking even more sick. There were bags under her eyes, and a wracking cough made her entire body shutter with its force. 

JJ continued to insist that she was fine, despite the fact that she spent more time coughing than speaking French.

Emily was worried about her, but knew at this point, nothing she would say would make the very determined girl slow down. 

 ——— 

On Thursday, Emily walked into the girls’ bathroom, toothbrush in hand before bed, and found JJ curled up on the floor next to the toilet, looking pale as a sheet.

“JJ, oh my god,” Emily said, pushing open the semi ajar door and kneeling down next to her friend. 

“Mmm fine,” JJ made out, her face in her arms, not lifting her head to talk to Emily.

“This is the exact opposite of fine, JJ,” Emily said.

She had absolutely no idea how to help her. 

Emily thought back to all the times she had been sick, and it had usually been whatever staff her mother had had at the time who took care of her. Nannies, cooks, assistants would bring her food, take her temperature and put buckets next to her bed. Ambassador Prentiss wasn’t the kind of mom that Emily would see on TV worried about her child when they were sick. 

“Do you want water?” Emily asked, feeling helpless.

JJ shook her head, not raising it from the edge of the toilet.

“The floor is nice and cold,” JJ said, “I like it here.”

Emily almost laughed, and would have if she wasn’t so worried about the other girl.

“What do you need, JJ?” Emily asked.

“Nothing,” JJ said, “I can handle this.”

JJ’s hair hung limp around her face, and Emily leaned forward, taking the elastic from around her wrist and helped JJ pull her hair back. Emily couldn’t help, but she could at least keep JJ’s hair from getting puke on it.

Clearly hitting another wave of nausea, JJ moved, emptying the rest of her stomach into the toilet and then flushing. Emily rubbed her arm up and down her back, hoping that the motions would be comforting. 

While the toilet did its thing, JJ sat back, leaning against the grey stall door, her shoulder resting against Emily’s. Her head was tilted back and her eyes closed tightly against the fluorescent lights. 

“I really don’t feel good, Em,” JJ whimpered. 

“I know,” Emily said, “What do you want?”

“Water,” JJ croaked. 

“I’ll get some,” Emily said, patting JJ on the shoulder. JJ nodded, returning to her hunched over position on the toilet.

Emily basically sprinted down the hall, and spotting JJ’s slightly ajar door, she pushed it open to find Penelope sitting at her computer.

“Hello my beautiful goth friend,” Penelope said, “How may I be of service to you?”

“JJ’s currently puking her guts out,” Emily explained, slightly breathless, “She’s asking for water.”

“Oh my poor dear,” she said, pushing back from her desk and hurrying over to JJ’s night-side table to retrieve her water. “She told me she was going to shower, I didn’t think she was that bad.”

“She kept telling me she was fine,” Emily said, “Even while she puked.”

“Typical,” Penelope huffed, following Emily down the hall, “Can’t show any weakness. Both of you! I’m sick of it.”

Emily didn’t say anything, not sure if she could argue that accusation. She followed Penelope into the bathroom, hovering by the sink as Penelope took over her caregiving responsibilities. 

She gently felt JJ’s forehead, and held up her water bottle for JJ to rinse her mouth. 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Penelope said after a few minutes without any puke. “Em? Help us?

JJ stook shakily, and when Emily took her arm, JJ leaned into her, putting most of her weight on the taller girl. Penelope carried JJ’s water and shower things back for her, letting Emily take care of the dizzy JJ.

Penelope held the door open, and Emily guided JJ into bed, hovering awkwardly as JJ nestled into her bed and Penelope grabbed their trash bin and placed it next to her. 

“I’ve got it from here, Em,” Penelope said, patting her on the shoulder. 

“Feel better JJ,” she said, backing away, unable to take her eyes off the girl, who looked paler than she’d ever seen her. 

“I miss you already,” JJ rasped out, her eyes still closed, curling up on her side and pulling the blankets up over her shoulder. 

Emily smiled before leaving the room. She was worried about her but knew Penelope would take better care of JJ than Emily could ever. 

 ———

She and Hotch spent almost five days straight crammed inside a tiny study room in the arts library working on a criminal psych presentation. It was worth almost half their grade.

They had commandeered the tiny room, booking it for the entire block of time each day, and only really leaving it to eat and sleep. At first, their friends would join them, popping in to provide moral support, but as the deadline neared, and Hotch and Emily grew more frantic, their friends mostly left them alone besides for the occasional reminder to take a break.

According to Penelope who periodically texted Emily with updates, JJ spent most of the time sleeping, and having been given time off from soccer and extensions on her school work, Penelope had finally convinced her to focus on recovery. 

It was in the library when Emily began to sniffle. It was an annoying nasal drip that tickled her nose and made her feel like she constantly needed to blow her nose. 

Unfortunately, she was not the kind of girl who had tissues on her. Emily wasn’t particularly well prepared in that respect. She dug through her backpack only to find a pair of tangled headphones, chapstick and two tampons. She briefly considered sticking those in her nose and calling it a day but thought Hotch would probably pass out at the sight of that.

An hour in, Hotch got so fed up with her constant sniffling that he stole a roll of paper towel from the boys washroom and threw it at her when he returned. 

The scratchy paper made her nose sensitive and red. She learned about the redness when Hotch called her “Rudolph” to get her attention.  

As the day ticked on, Emily began to feel either too hot, or too cold. She chalked this up to the library’s dodgy heating system and the colder November weather. 

After lunch, the sneezing started. 

“You’re sick, Prentiss,” Hotch told her.

“No of course not,” Emily said. “I don’t get sick. It’s just allergies.”

“What are you allergic to?” 

“Uhh,” Emily looked around, “Dust?”

“Sure.”

Emily was not sick. She couldn’t afford to get sick. Sure, she had spent a lot of time in close proximity to JJ, who was still spending her most time with her face in a bin, but Emily didn’t need this now. 

She was certainly aware she had had the exact conversation with JJ, encouraging the other girl to take a break to recover. Emily could talk the talk but couldn’t walk the walk on self care.

When she woke up the next morning. She felt even worse. Her throat was sore, she had a headache and she couldn’t breathe through her nose. Having given JJ all of her cold medicine, she powered through, drinking an endless barrage of hot tea, hoping it would heal her. 

She had too much to do. 

Days passed with Emily pushing herself to exhaustion, working all day, making it to her extra curricular meetings and only falling asleep during a few of her lectures. 

The day of her presentation, Emily’s entire body hurt. She had barely slept the night before, as her sneezing kept her up. She managed to wear a pair of leggings and a sweater, but tied her hair back in a ponytail, too exhausted to do much else.  

“You look like shit,” Hotch told her when she showed up to their class, shaking his head. 

“Thanks, I feel like it too,” Emily quipped. “I haven’t thrown up yet though, so I count that as a victory.”

In a feat of sheer willpower, Emily made it through her presentation before collapsing into the fold out lecture hall seat, her head laid back, immediately falling asleep and sleeping through the other four group presentations. 

After class, Hotch felt her forehead with his hand and announced that she had a fever. He then frog marched her straight to the clinic, pointing out that her hands shook and that she couldn’t do anything without coughing up a storm. 

Emily was sure if it was not for his American Law seminar with mandatory attendance, he would be right next to her, ensuring she actually saw a doctor.

“The doctor will call you when it’s your turn dear,” the receptionist told her as she handed Emily’s student card back to her. 

Emily nodded and grabbed some hand sanitizer, rubbing the cold liquid over her hands. 

She sighed, which turned into a cough that tore through her lungs. She found a spot in the waiting room, under a gigantic poster about STDs. To her left was a small table covered with pamphlets about mental health resources and a big bowl of condoms. 

The door to the clinic opened again and Emily shivered. The early November breeze was starting to chill her to the bone. She lifted the hood to her black sweater over her head, hoping to conserve some more heat that way. 

Emily glanced at the new patient and was not entirely surprised to see JJ walking towards her.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Emily said as JJ walked into the waiting room.

“I hear I gave you my plague?” JJ asked, shrugging her backpack off her shoulders. 

Emily nodded and coughed. 

“Sorry,” JJ sat down next to her.

“What are you doing here?” Emily asked, “You look a lot better than you did.”

“Hotch told me you needed an escort,” JJ said, “And I was in the neighbourhood. He said something about not trusting you to actually go to the doctor’s.”

Emily laughed at that. 

“You’re my babysitter?” Emily asked. 

“I’m whatever you want me to be,” JJ said with a wink. “I think half of my team is out of commission with this. I’ve never been so sick, I’m glad I’m on the mend.”

Emily nodded, counting the days in her head and realizing that JJ had been out for over a week. 

“You look better than you did,” Emily commented.

“Thanks,” JJ said, sarcastically, “At least I’m not puking anymore.”

“I never get sick,” Emily coughed, “I just want something for the cough and I’ll be fine.”

Emily coughed into her elbow, as if reminded.

“How did your presentation go?” JJ asked. 

Emily’s heart swelled at the thought that JJ paid attention to her.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Emily said. “I feel really out of it. Hotch marched me straight here after so probably not great.” 

“Emily Prentiss?” A nurse called out.

Emily gathered up her things, shot JJ a wave and went into the exam room. 

Her doctor, a surly elderly white woman, with greying hair tied back in a low bun, barely looked at her, asking Emily a series of questions.

“What are your symptoms?” she finally asked. 

Emily explained how her head cold transformed into something a touch more debilitating, making sure to avoid downplaying her symptoms, because she knew they would take any opportunity to send her home telling her to drink water and rest. Emily did not have time to rest. 

The doctor took her vitals, listened to her lungs, grimacing at the sound of them, then took her oxygen, noting them in her chart.

Emily wasn’t a doctor but the face she made at her oxygen levels meant that they were definitely not good. 

The sudden onset of chills left her shivering on the examination table as the doctor took notes on her chart.

She checked her phone, smiling as she noticed that she had a notification from the one and only cheetobreath98.

It was a selfie, taken surreptitiously from below in the waiting room, captioned, “plague lookz!”

Emily found herself smiling. A small flame with the number 27 was next to JJ’s name. They had a streak. It was childish, but the visible marker of the fact that they had talked every day for a month, sometimes for hours at a time, sending silly photos back and forth. 

“You have a chest cold. Bronchitis. We want to nip it in the bud before it becomes pneumonia,” the doctor said, spinning in her chair to face her. “We see it a lot with students, you all work too hard.”

Emily nodded, not really agreeing with the sentiment, but understanding the feeling behind it. Emily had to work hard. 

“Take this inhaler three times daily, at least,” he said, “And any time you’re having difficulty breathing. You can take some acetaminophen for the fever.”

He explained how to use it. 

“You cannot drink, smoke or take any recreational drugs on this medication,” he warned. 

Emily, who had vowed to not smoke for the duration of her illness anyways, hoping to preserve her fragile lugs, nodded.

“Try honey for the sore throat. Lots of liquids.”

She nodded.

“Come back if you’re not better in a week,” he concluded. “Your prescription will be  there for pick up at the pharmacy.”

“Thanks doc,” Emily smiled, taking her leave, placing her mask back on for the hallway.

In the hall she pulled out her phone, opened Snapchat and took a selfie with the waiting room in the background. 

“Ya girl’s got bronchitis!!” Emily captioned it, sending it to JJ, as well as Derek and Hotch. They would enjoy her misery. 

Immediately Derek texted her.  

Derek 🕺: suuuuucks bro. need some soup?

Emily: i’ll be fine but thanks 

Emily: i feel like shit. the doctor gave me a puffer lol

Derek🕺: must be bad, I hear they usually just prescribe rest. Your lungs must suck 

Emily: typical, id assume they’d be in pristine condition 

Derek🕺: 🙄

Derek🕺: you literally smoke cigarettes 

Emily laughed at her phone and walked up to the receptionist to fill out the paperwork. The nice woman smiled at her and told her to get well soon. 

As JJ met her in the foyer, phone vibrated with another text. 

Derek🕺: you coming back to res?

Emily: ya, hotch sent jj to baby sit me

Derek🕺: wasn’t she the one who got you sick? now shes taking care of u

Derek🕺: did u make out or something??

Emily: shut up that was before she was sick

“Get any good drugs?” JJ whispered to her conspiratorially as they walked out together. 

Emily laughed louder than she expected, which manifested in wracking coughs between the two girls. 

“Actually yeah,” Emily held up the prescription. “Only because you got me sick.”

“Everyone is sick, how can you be sure it was me? Anyways I had the flu, not bronchitis.”

“You’ve been cooped up with Hotch all weekend. Maybe he got you sick.”

“I don’t think Hotch can get sick,” Emily muttered. 

They went to the pharmacy together, picking up Emily’s drugs. Emily also added some acetaminophen to her haul, cough drops and a pack of tissues, the kind with moisturizer per JJ’s suggestion. 

As Emily waited in line to cash out, swaying a little with the exertion of standing up, JJ left for a second and then returned with a box of tea. 

“I’ll make us some,” JJ said, “It’ll heal you.”

Emily felt warm, despite the chill of the store. She wasn’t sure if it was her fever or her growing love for Jennifer Jareau.

Together, they walked to their residence. Once inside, Emily wondered if JJ actually meant it when she offered the tea. 

Emily opened her door, tossing her things on her desk. She took her puffer out of the bag, read the instructions before taking a dose, trying to keep the medicine in her lungs as she breathed deep, holding back the coughing. 

The sun had started setting earlier and earlier as winter neared, and outside of Emily’s windows, the street lamps turned on. 

Emily desperately wanted it to work. She felt like a zombie, exhausted and either too hot or two cold all at once. 

She changed into a pair of pyjama pants, a black crewneck sweater with a band logo on the chest, and a pair of fuzzy socks, and pulled a blanket around her shoulders, wondering if she should just crawl into bed or if JJ’s offer still stood. 

“Em!” JJ called out as she knocked on her door, “Kettle’s boiling.”

Emily’s heart soared. The sentence felt so… domestic. She hurried across the hall, inhaler in hand (just in case), standing hesitantly in the doorway. JJ had changed into grey sweatpants and a soft green hoodie with her gold-rimmed glasses perched on her nose, looking much comfier than she had.

“Sit down!” JJ encouraged, “If you feel as gross as I do, you’ll need it.”

Emily did, relaxing on JJ’s bed, leaning into the mountain of comfortable pillows and breathing a sigh of relief in not standing any longer. A deep exhaustion had settled into bones, not helped by the long lecture that morning and the clinic visit. 

JJ walked over, handing her a mug and sitting on the bed next to her, taking a sip of her own mug. 

It was the same tea as before, sleepy time, with the warm combination of chamomile, mint, and other fruity tastes greeting her like a hug. She clutched it with two hands, enjoying how the mug radiated heat and warmed her chilly fingers. 

“Thank you,” Emily managed, her voice sounding a bit less scratchy to her ears than before.

“Any time,” JJ replied, “It’s nice to have company.”

Emily looked away, suddenly feeling shy. Should she stay? Was she welcome to hang out? Emily wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay, she didn’t want JJ to see how gross she was with her messy hair, stuffy nose and endless sneezing. 

JJ clearly looked better than she did earlier that week, Emily taking her place as token invalid in residence.

“I was going to watch tv,” JJ said, “I don’t think I could handle doing homework right now.”

“Oh I’ll go,” Emily said, taking the hint and moving to climb off the bed. JJ’s arm stuck out, grabbing her shoulder and stopping her. 

“No, Em,” JJ said, “I was wondering if you wanted to join me. ”

Oh. Emily felt her face break into a smile. She relaxed into the bed as JJ grabbed her laptop and set it between them, she pulled a fluffy sky-blue blanket, and draped it over her legs, then over Emily’s. 

There was the noise of keys in the door, Emily felt herself pull away from JJ, leaning away from her friend as if they had been caught doing something wrong.

Penelope Garcia opened the door, followed shortly after by Derek Morgan who was carrying two large take out bowls of soup. 

“I knew I’d find you here,” Derek said, handing each of them a bowl. 

“How are my two sick dears?” Penelope cooed, as she collected a textbook from her desk. 

Emily tried to speak, coughing instead, and JJ reached out to steady her bowl, knowing that she would spill if she wasn’t careful. 

She decided not to acknowledge Derek's comment because even Emily didn’t know she would be in JJ’s room, how could he? 

“Just about as bad as you would expect,” JJ said. 

Emily nodded, recovering from her fit. 

“We won’t keep you!” Penelope replied, “we have a study date! Enjoy your movie night. Don’t forget to text me if either of you need anything tonight. I’ll be back late.”

Penelope looked at them and frowned. 

“I may quarantine away from you, I do not want to catch that.”

“Get some sleep, guys” Derek said. “You look like shit.” 

“Thanks,” Emily said, thick with sarcasm. 

“Toodles!” Penelope said as they left.

The door shut, and the two girls began to sip the soup. It was chicken noodle and had cooled to the perfect temperature. 

“What do you wanna watch?” JJ asked between spoonfuls. 

Emily thought about her comfort tv and movies: The X Files. Or Star Trek: The Voyage Home (the one with the whales, exclusively, because she finds it silly and always makes her feel better). They were so nerdy. She couldn’t look JJ in the eye and reveal how much of a nerd she was. 

“I’m not sure,” she said instead, “Did you have something in mind?”

“I usually watch cooking shows,” JJ said, “To be honest. Or Gilmore Girls, Parks and Rec, or-”

JJ stopped herself. 

“Or what?” Emily prodded.

“Twilight ,” JJ admitted. 

Emily laughed.

“I haven’t seen it,” Emily commented, “I missed that phase I guess.”

“Oh you have to,” JJ said, getting excited, “It’s fantastic. And bad. It’s both at once. I was team Edward.”

Emily knew that was the vampire; she didn’t live under a rock, she just hadn’t actually seen the films. 

JJ began to babble, between coughs, about how as a kid she read each book as they came out, and even had a poster of the cast on her wall. Emily simply basked in her company and the excitement of watching something she cared about. 

Emily found herself cuddled up next to JJ, eating their soup and watching Twilight .

Between the warmth of JJ’s bed, the soothing soup and finally relaxing, Emily suddenly felt slightly better. Maybe taking a break to recover was actually a good thing. 

Emily almost laughed at the thought that it only took a case of bronchitis to get her in JJ’s bed. 

As the movie wore on, Emily’s exhaustion, and full stomach overtook her. The two girls wrapped in a blanket made it quickly warm and comforting, and as Bella discovered that Edward was a vampire, Emily felt her eyelids drooping. 

She tried to fight the feeling, but soon, Emily was fast asleep next to JJ. 

 ———

Emily woke up, hours later, in the dark with another blanket wrapped around her, JJ’s laptop nowhere in sight and no memory of anything she had just watched.

JJ was curled up into her side and was snoring quietly. 

Emily stiffened, at the reality of her current situation. She needed to relax or she would wake JJ up. Her back was to the wall, and JJ’s prone body blocked her exit. 

Her mind moved a mile a minute. JJ must’ve put away the laptop and given her another blanket, chosen not to wake Emily up. She wanted to sleep in the same bed.

What did this mean? Did JJ want to sleep next to her? Did JJ like her?

She thought hard about this, but she knew there was no way this was romantic . This must just be how close, female friendships went. Emily’s feelings for JJ were clouding her judgment. 

Emily was never invited to sleepovers, or had any close girl friends before, this is probably just what she was missing out on. 

God, she thought, maybe it’s good that nobody liked me. I would have caught feelings and made it weird. Just like I’m doing right now. 

Emily examined JJ’s face, which was only inches from her own. Gazing at each freckle, her long light brown eyelashes, her perfect eyebrows. Her pink lips were slightly parted, brealths coming out softly.

JJ shifted closer, as she, in her sleep, was probably moving toward Emily’s warmth unconsciously. 

Emily closed her eyes and basked in that moment. 

Before she knew it, JJ rolled around onto her other side, and Emily was left staring at the back of her blonde head. 

Missing the warmth, Emily tugged the blanket further around her shoulders. 

Emily looked around JJ’s darkened room, at the empty bed across the room. Penelope, true to her word, was elsewhere. For a second, Emily wondered whose bed she was sleeping in, but the strong urge to cough overtook her, distracting her from that train of thought. 

She rolled onto her back, coughing into her elbow, trying to stifle them so that she did not wake JJ. Unfortunately, the coughs kept coming, and Emily found herself struggling to breathe. She sat up, and before she knew what was happening, JJ was awake and sitting next to her with a comforting hand on her back, and Emily’s inhaler in hand.

“Hey you’re ok,” JJ whispered, running her hand up and down her back, “It’s ok baby.”

Emily tried to catch her breath, taking her medicine and trying to hold it into her lungs, before coughing again. Her entire body shook with them, and it brought forth the aching that permeated her entire entire body.

The coughs slowed, and she fell back into JJ, whose arms wrapped around her as she made soothing noises.

“You ok?” JJ asked, her own voice still sounding a bit hoarse.

Emily nodded, whimpering, and JJ handed her a water bottle. Emily thought for a second before taking it, knowing that she had already caught JJ’s sickness anyways. 

JJ’s strong arms wrapped around her, supporting her limp frame as she drank water and calmed back down, before moving away to let Emily lay back down.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” JJ said, “You were out halfway through the first movie and I knew you definitely needed the rest.”

Emily nodded, bracing for JJ to ask her to leave, but that didn’t come. 

“How are you feeling?” JJ asked. 

“Better,” Emily croaked. “My lungs still hurt.” 

“Do you still have a fever?” JJ asked, moving her hand to feel Emily’s forehead.

Emily closed her eyes at the gentle touch. 

“You’re hot,” JJ said, tutting at ther.

“Don’t you know it, babe,” Emily said, without thinking. 

Her eyes shot open, and she began to stutter, trying to backtrack what she said. JJ began to laugh.

“Miss Prentiss is cocky when she’s feverish,” JJ said, grinning at her.

Emily felt herself blush, but hoped JJ would take that as her fever and not her embarrassment. 

“It’s late, Em,” JJ said, “Go back to sleep.”

There it was. An invitation to continue sharing her bed. Emily relaxed, closing her eyes. 

This time, she didn’t quickly fall asleep, finding herself feeling tense in JJ’s bed, not wanting to do anything that would be seen as suspicious. 

Was she lying too close? Was she moving too much? Was she allowed to cuddle up to JJ? Did girls cuddle with each other?

Over Thanksgiving weekend last year, when she visited the Morgans with Derek, she and he shared his childhood bed. It was not like this, with the two of them fighting for blankets, kicking each other, and grumbling like siblings. Then, Emily didn’t feel this fluttering in her stomach or the desire to sniff the other persons hair. Well, Derek barely had any hair to sniff.

Emily forced herself to relax, to take as deep breaths as her lungs could manage and to try to fall back asleep. 

Some time passed, with Emily breathing slightly congested breaths in and out, as JJ tossed and turned a bit, moving around to get comfortable. 

Emily faded in and out of consciousness, right on the verge of sleep when movement on the bed told her that JJ had rolled again, and was now facing her. She could sense that JJ was looking at her, but didn’t open her eyes to confirm, still verging on sleep. 

She must have assumed that Emily was fast asleep, because the other girl turned to face Emily, and did something that Emily didn’t expect, nor knew exactly what to do with. 

JJ had kissed Emily’s forehead, softly, and Emily’s sleep deprived, feverish brain was not sure if it had actually happened, or if she had hallucinated. 

It took everything in Emily to not react, forcing her eyes closed and her body still, keeping her breathing steady. then rolled onto her side as if nothing had happened. 

Emily didn’t have the capacity to process the kiss, or the rush of emotions it conjured, so she decided that it was simply a figment of her imagination. 

Both girls fell asleep shortly after.

———

The second time Emily woke in JJ’s bed, the sun was up and the room was bathed in golden light. Emily felt warm and safe, and compared to the previous day, her body wasn’t aching as much. Emily opened her eyes and found that she was not only laying face to face with a sleeping JJ, but their limbs were tangled, as both of them had apparently decided to cuddle the other in their sleep.

Emily’s legs were wrapped up in JJ’s, her right leg between JJ’s, and the blonde’s arm was thrown casually around Emily’s shoulder, holding her close. 

This time, Emily didn’t panic, and relished the embrace of JJ. She knew that she wasn’t likely to get a chance to be this close to her again, without the excuse of a fever, so she wasn’t going to ruin it. 

Despite her best efforts, JJ’s eyes blinked open, as if sensing that Emily was awake. 

Emily pulled away, yawning, attempting to untangle their limbs.

“Why hello there,” JJ whispered, giggling at her. 

“Hi,” Emily whispered, smiling back at JJ.

“You look a lot better,” JJ commented, reaching out and fixing Emily’s bangs for her. 

“I feel better,” she said, “Less like I’m on the verge of death.”

“We can’t have you dying, Em,” she replied, “Who else would I cuddle with?”

Emily smiled at her.

 JJ sat up, stretching, revealing a slip of her lower back as the hem of her sweater rose above her waist. Emily did the same, sitting crossed legged in her bed, still wrapped in blankets despite the warmth of the room. JJ was lucky and her bed was near the radiator, keeping them toasty warm despite the chilled fall air. 

Emily peeked outside, watching fall leaves fly through the sky, patterning the courtyard with a blanket of leaves. JJ stood, put on her slippers, and took a drink of water, before offering it to Emily. 

Taking the water bottle, Emily sipped it awkwardly, completely unsure what to do with herself. All her experiences being in someone else’s bed had usually also involved her leaving quickly after, or at least in the morning before the other woke up. Now, Emily was watching JJ fuss with her hair in the mirror in the golden light of day.

“I’m starving,” JJ said, “What time is it?”

Emily grabbed JJ’s phone, seeing the time. It was 6:30am, long before she ever normally woke up. She must have fallen asleep earlier than she thought. 

“Cafs aren’t open yet,” Emily said, “It’s only 6:30.” 

“Do you like omelettes?” JJ asked.

———

Fifteen minutes later, Emily was seated in the tiny dorm kitchen at the end of their floor, wrapped in a blanket, with another steaming cup of tea in her hands, watching JJ flip an omelette in a pan.

Apparently JJ is one of the few people to use the kitchen—besides Emily and her cookies—to use the kitchen for more than instant noodles and pizza pockets. 

She had eggs in the fridge, and diced frozen vegetables in the freezer, and quickly whipped up a delicious breakfast for the two of them in minutes, chatting the entire time. 

“Oooh,” JJ said as she pulled out her carton of eggs, “I should get some apple cider. Someone’s got a massive jug in here and I’m dying for some.”

“I’ve never liked apple cider,” Emily said, taking a gulp of her tea. 

The hot tea—and her doctor prescribed medicine—was clearing her sinuses and Emily felt like she was breathing fully for the first time in days. 

“That’s impossible,” JJ said, matter-of-factly, as she cracked an egg into a bowl. “It’s the best thing ever.”

Emily shrugged, “I’ve only had it once and it wasn’t that good.”

“If I wasn’t a good person, I would steal this person’s cider and make you try it,” JJ said, gesturing with a spatula. 

JJ turned and busied herself with adding the veggies to the pan, sautéing them in butter and some seasoning. 

“We should go to the fair, together,” JJ blurted, “I mean. All of us.”

“I’ve also never been to a fair,” Emily said with another shrug. “I have to remind you that I’ve barely lived in the US, and when I did, I was trapped in stuffy private schools.”

JJ gave her a look that, if it was from anyone else, would look pitying. 

“It’s decided,” JJ said, plopping the omelette onto Emily’s plate. “When you feel better, we’re going to the fair.”

“It’s a date.”

[buckleysjareau]

masterpost of all of my fics

!hey hey, here’s mostly everything i’ve ever written for 9-1-1 and Criminal Minds. Reblog if you like any of them, and always come back to check and see if it’s updated. It’ll always be pinned. :) Everything under the read more line!

AO3: 9-1-1

Buck Goes To Pride (buddie, getting together)

Thinking back to that cold winter afternoon when Buck broke down in her arms after the shit show that was his coming out, she never thought she'd be helping her brother get ready for Pride. He shut that part of himself away for a long time. But eleven years later, she's handing her brother a box with a pride flag in it, and he's grinning from ear to ear.

Buck goes to his first pride featuring his journey of coming out, lots of hugging, and Hen being the best.

...or you could have mine? (buddie, pre-relatioship)

There's too much going on between his agitation, people talking over each other, the way his uniform feels more scratchy than it ever has, and the bright lights. He can't sit still and he knows he's starting to annoy everyone but he can't help it no matter how much he wishes he could with his medication.

ADHD Buck

agree to disagree (buddie, getting together, friendship)

Whoever thought a night of heavy drinking between Buck, Eddie and Chimney was a good idea, were out of their minds. When sober, they were idiots but shot after shot of tequila plus the couple of beers they each had before meeting up multiplied the absolute stupidity of the three men.

Buck, Eddie, and Chimney get wasted and Athena wins a bet.

i put a spell on you (buddie, getting together)

Eddie Diaz absolutely loved Halloween. Ever since he was an excitable eight year old boy he’d been known to go all out for the holiday. Twenty-four years and a son had not changed that.

4k+ words of Eddie being happy, scaring his friends, and loving Halloween.

baby you know i just wanna leave tonight (buddie, pre-relationship)

If there was one thing that people knew about Evan Buckley, it was that he didn’t want people to know him.

People find out more about Buck then he ever wanted them to know when the Buckley’s come to town.

i woke up from a never ending dream (buddie, getting together)

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

Sensing the urgency, Eddie jogs the rest of the way. He doesn’t know what he’s really expecting, his mind not entirely focused, but for the second time that night, Buck surprises him.

“Buck?!”

Where Buck is going through it and Eddie has anxiety but they help each other through it. Featuring pet names and lovesick Eddie.

you feel like the sun on my face (buddie, established relationship)

Buck has a way of doing things and saying things that even in Eddie’s worst moods, he still can’t fight his smile.

Eddie's view on Buck's Wikipedia spirals and the beginning of the brilliant idea it inspires.

Part 1 of 3 in the ‘cause of i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

you feel like the perfect escape now (buddie, established relationship)

"In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness."

Eddie planning his proposal with the help of Hen and Karen. Featuring good ol' Buck and Chimney banter, soft and in love boyfriends, and tooth rotting fluff.

Part 2 of 3 in the ‘cause i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

everything is blue (may + buck friendship, buddie, getting together)

When Evan Buckley is ten, he discovers nail polish.

In which Buck paints his nails, Eddie is flustered, and May is a matchmaker.

it weighs on me (buddie, established relationship)

The bad weather is gone, except it’s not.

In which Buck has a bad day and Eddie holds him through it.

101.9 (buddie, getting together)

Evan Buckley did not get sick.

Based on a tumblr prompt where Buck’s fever won’t fuck off so Eddie makes him take a cold bath.

when i’m walking in my sleep (buddie, getting together)

He finds that maybe he’s a little in over his head when Buck greets him with a loopy smile. He’s just a tiny bit in love with Evan Buckley, and having dealt with post-surgery Buck before, Eddie is sure his heart might burst with every zany grin and stage-whispered expression of appreciation.

Eddie takes care of a loopy Buck after he gets his screws removed, and truths come out.

you’re in my heart  (buddie, established relationship)

"I will not be broken... I will not be... fine, fine, you win! Stop with the face."

Eddie sings Buck to sleep after he finds out Eddie can sing.

we’ll be fine, you and i (buddie, established relationship)

He couldn’t believe his luck. He never imagined he’d be able to have this and now, he’s here. He has everything he could ask for and more in his boyfriend’s arms. Stability, happiness, love.

dizzy hurricane (buddie, pre-relationship)

“I’m a medic,” Buck mocks. “You’re a medic, but you can’t take care of yourself, apparently!”

Eddie refuses to admit he’s sick and finds his medic expertise is unreliable when it comes to himself.

tongue forgot the words and feet forgot the earth, it’s true (buddie, established relationship)

Eddie feels like he’s drowning in insurance payments, tuition raises, overbearing parents and anxiety. Things had definitely been worse on him when he didn’t have a whole new support system on his side but things just kept piling on, one after another, it was impossible for him not to feel suffocated. Every muscle in his body was sore from being completely tensed all of the time, the lack of sleep was getting to him, he’s in a foul mood to everyone that loves him. He just wants a break, needs a break.

Eddie finally gets a second to breathe.

you are my glitter and my gloom, i am so numb without you (buddie, getting together)

But right now, with Eddie by his side, he doesn’t worry. For the first time in almost a year, he doesn’t have to worry.

Buck has a flashback, or six, after the landslide. Eddie is there to bring him back, like always.

double vision wrapped in last night’s party clothes (buck centric, pre-relationship buddie)

"I have always been honest with you." When Eddie's voice cracks, Buck's composure almost cracks with it. "Why can't you just be honest with me?"

When Buck is let in on a long kept family secret, he doesn't know what to do. He almost ruins things with the one person that keeps him from feeling like he's floating away with no way to land, but it ultimately turns out okay with help of a little communication.

safe, better keep that thought to yourself (madney)

But days after, he still can’t stop hearing it in his head, over and over.

I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie.

with friends like ours anywhere is home (buck & tk, background buddie)

[@evanbuckley: you have two new follow requests.] @marjanmarwani would like to follow you. @tkstrand would like to follow you.

@tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your video.

@tkstrand So, I see you have a boyfriend, too. I’m sorry for assuming haha

Wait, what?

Buck and TK’s long distance friendship featuring love advice, horrible nicknames and background Buddie.

wish i could keep you in amber, safe from the outside (buddie)

Neither of them say anything as Eddie takes shelter in Buck’s arms, face tucked in the crook of his neck, sheltered from all the bad that’s happened. A safe place.

He can only hope that he’s Buck’s safe place, too.

In which Eddie and Buck are struggling after the shooting and they finally have a much needed talk.

AO3: Criminal Minds

you light my fire (jemily, AU)

Emily's face stays complacent as JJ reaches out her hand to shake, only dropping the smug act and smiling genuinely when she reaches for JJ's hand. "Welcome to the team, Pennsylvania Petite."

Jemily Firefighter AU

Tumblr: 9-1-1

“i saw this and i thought of you immediately.” (buddie)

keep you warm (henren)

wheels up, buck (9-1-1, criminal minds crossover)

stand, you’re gonna run again (buck centric, buck & bobby)

bows and ribbons and glitter (buck & chimney, madney) 

“i believe that would be murder” (buddie, pre-relationship)

mac-and-cheesy (buddie, established relationship)

his saving grace (buddie, pre-relationship, buck centric)

what i love about the south (pre-relationship buddie)

unconditional, unadulterated (buddie, getting together)

home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling (buck & athena)

he’s special, they’re special (madney, meet-cute)

Tumblr: Criminal Minds

rough nights end in hot chocolate (garvez)

[degrassi-fanatic]

can you pls do like the first I love you and some slow dancing for any criminal minds ship? thanks!! 💛💛

i absolutely can and will.

here you go, a jemily fic for your pleasure.

Through the glass pane of the window, Prentiss can spot the moon already high up in the sky, peering down at everything below. The sight of it almost soothes the ache that always resides inside of her whenever she enters a hospital through the wrong set of doors. 

Almost. 

It was supposed to be her.

She was supposed to be the one all dressed up in a thin hospital gown that did nothing to ward off the chill from the air conditioning in the room. She was supposed to be the one being driven to the hospital, not the one driving. She was supposed to be the one with bruises on her ribs and her arm in a cast. 

It wasn’t supposed to be JJ. 

Dropping her gaze from the sky, Prentiss looks down at her hands and the way they’re gripping tight at the edge of the window ledge. 

And it wouldn’t have been her if JJ had just let Prentiss deal with the unsub alone, if she hadn’t tackled him down a flight of stairs. 

A frail hand against her forearm halts all of the racing thoughts in her head. She turns to see JJ standing beside her, staring out the window like Prentiss had been just a few moments ago. She nestles her head into Prentiss’s shoulder. Her wild hair tickles Prentiss’s neck as she makes herself comfortable. 

“You’re supposed to be resting.” Prentiss murmurs as she leans her head against JJ’s.

“Couldn’t sleep without you.” she mumbles, “I sleep better with you there.”

There’s no denying the undertone of vulnerability laced in her words. It always makes Prentiss awe in wonder whenever JJ so freely admits to what she is feeling. It takes her breath away too; to be the person she is telling this to.

Prentiss turns to hold JJ’s body against her own. It’s a bit awkward with her cast being squished between the two of them but they manage just fine. She tucks JJ’s head back to where it was resting against her shoulder earlier. Her arms come to wrap around JJ’s waist and in response, JJ’s free hand goes to grasp at Prentiss’s other shoulder. 

“Let’s dance.” JJ whispers, her voice muffled against the fabric of Prentiss’s sweater.

Laughter escapes through Prentiss’s throat and the sound breaks the gentle lull that had been encompassing the two of them. 

“Why?” she asks. 

“I had a dream we were dancing.” JJ explains softly, “Then, I realized we’ve never danced before.”

“There’s no music.” Prentiss points out fondly as she looks down at the mop of blonde hair.

“We don’t need it.” 

Prentiss is lucky that JJ can’t see her rolling her eyes because she wouldn’t have hesitated to crush her toes for that.

She lets out a deep sigh before relenting to JJ’s wishes, if only because she is injured because of Prentiss. Although, she knows deep down that she would have done this for her, even if she wasn’t. 

With a firm grip around the sides of her waist, Prentiss begins leading them through a slow waltz. It makes her feel like an idiot; to be swaying around in a hospital room with no music. It makes her feel like an idiot until she hears the pleasant hum that finds it way out of JJ’s mouth as she presses even closer to Prentiss. 

“If you tell anyone about this—” 

“What?” JJ asks, cutting her off, “That you’re a big softie?”

Her face grows red and Prentiss is once again lucky that JJ cannot see her face because she would have a field day knowing she made her blush.

“A big ‘ole softie.” JJ teases, as she presses a quick kiss to the side of her neck. 

“Am not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I am not!” Prentiss whispers as loudly as she can without disrupting the gentle atmosphere. 

“Yeah, you are.” JJ repeats as she lifts her head off of Prentiss’s shoulder, “My big ‘ole softie.”

Whatever Prentiss was going to say dies down on the tip of her tongue as she stares at JJ’s face. In all honesty, she looks a little worse for wear; she’s got crust in her eyes, her hair hasn’t been brushed, and if Prentiss leans in close enough she can smell the beginnings of morning breath in her mouth.

She’s still beautiful though. She’s always been. 

“I love you.” she whispers, half into JJ’s mouth. 

They’ve never said these words to one another before but Prentiss has imagined all sorts of scenarios in which they would. One of them involves a confession over a candlelit dinner she would force Rossi to make that she would pass off as her own cooking, even though JJ would see through the blatant lie. Another one involved an accidental reveal; Prentiss would be rushing out the door and shouting out an ‘I love you’ like it was something she said everyday. 

(She certainly thinks it everyday.)

Though, in all of the scenarios she’s thought of, not one of them involved her slow dancing in a hospital room with JJ’s cast jumbled between the two of them, in the middle of a night after they wrapped up a case. 

Still, the beats all of her fantasies by a mile because this is real and this is happening

Prentiss brings her attention back to JJ’s face and watches the way her eyes light up in realization. The small grin on her face grows with each millisecond that passes by as she stares right back at Prentiss, unabashedly. 

“I love you too.” JJ answers. 

With nothing more left to say, Prentiss leans in closer and presses a chaste kiss to JJ’s mouth, relishing in the way JJ hooks her arm around the back of her neck to push them even closer.

[jenniferxprentiss]

The Press of Your Lips Against Mine (Everything Is Going To Be Just Fine) -> 3/6

read it on ao3 here

The third time JJ finds herself being kissed by Hotch is on the way home from Paris, sitting shoulder to shoulder on a commercial aircraft, having opted out of taking the jet home. It was too empty, too quiet. She was dabbing the handkerchief she had borrowed from Aaron against her eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. She gasped when Hotch pulled the fabric from her grasp, let his own hand cover her cheek, leaning down and kissing her tears away before pressing his lips to hers, bringing another fresh wave of tears for them both.

woah, halfway there! living on a damn prayer. this chap lowkey feels so jemily/jotchniss but I love it n I’m proud of it so...ya. lemme know what u think. love u all!

—————

Two weeks had passed them by faster than anyone had wanted it to, a blur of wine and laughter mixed with tears and memories they would have to cherish until the next time — none of the three of them knowing exactly when the next time would be.

There had been late nights on the balcony of Emily’s new flat, bottles of empty wine and beer littering the floor as they laughed, cried, watched the city wake up as the sun came up. They only went to bed when they saw the new day, squeezing into the queen sized bed that was much too small for three adults, but they made it work.

There were whispered promises of more — another visit, hopefully sooner rather than later — and tears, so many tears.

They had left for the airport with gentle kisses to Emily’s forehead and cheeks, wiping the tears from her cheeks as they tried desperately to hold their own sobs in. JJ had promised, with her thumb pushing away Emily’s tears, that they would be in contact.

Online scrabble, they had decided, and Hotch had to laugh at that. He thought of the many drunken scrabble nights they had, where the board almost always ended up discarded before the game was over — whether it was flipped in anger or just pushed off the table to make room for something else.

“Aaron?”

Hotch sat up straighter, pulled from his thoughts, groaning when his back protested the uncomfortable position he had been sitting in. He cursed their decision to take a commercial airline instead of a witsec or bureau appointed private plane. It was stuffy and uncomfortable, not enough leg room and next to no privacy.

“Yeah?”

“I miss her already.”

JJ tried to control the way her voice shook, tried to stop her face from crumpling again. It had only been a couple of hours since they had left Emily’s flat — how could she do this for months, possibly years?

Her hand was curled into a fist around the handkerchief she borrowed from Hotch, silky material dampened with tears. He idly wondered how she had any tears left, how her eyes weren’t completely dried out.

“I do too. And she misses us too.”

JJ let out a ragged breath, closing her eyes for a moment before dabbing at her face, collecting a fresh round of tears in the material. She suddenly wished they were alone, that they were anywhere but here, the uncertainty of the future too much to discuss in such a public place.

“Everything is going to be different.”

He knew that Emily’s office had been packed up while they were in Paris —her items boxed up by some intern grunt that had never met Emily or known the beautiful light of a person that she was — knew it would have been too painful for JJ or himself to do. They were already going to have a hard time with sorting the rest of Emily’s estate, dividing up the belongings she couldn’t bring to Paris with her.

They couldn’t trash anything, could barely think about putting it all in some storage pod.

“Her replacement is nice, she’ll get along well with the team.”

“But she isn’t Emily.” There was a low whine to JJ’s tone, bottom lip jutting out. “I don’t like her because she’s not Emily.”

“You haven’t even met Alex yet.”

He had a point, but JJ would never tell him that. She was sure that the new agent would be perfectly nice, but it didn’t take away from the ache JJ would feel when they were back.

Emily’s office wasn’t Emily’s office anymore, it was Alex’s office, and she would no longer be able to barge in there and complain when work seemed too overwhelming, unsure of what cases to prioritize, always afraid she would make the wrong choice.

“I can give her a chance.” She sighed, running her hand through her hair before looking pointedly at Hotch.

“I know it’s not going to be the same as having Emily around, but I’m not going anywhere.”

JJ let her head drop to Hotch’s shoulder, damp handkerchief still wound around her fingers, trying to think of the right words to say. Her heart tugged at his words, the way his eyes were filled with so much sincerity that it lit a fire inside of her, calming the cold, nervous shake she had been plagued with since the incident.

They had taken to calling it the incident — her, Emily, and Hotch — unable to give Doyle any power, any sort of leverage in the situation, ignored the fact they were all plagued with nightmares that were nothing but a gruesome replaying of actual events, so full of his face that they almost always woke up gasping for air.

She opened her mouth, tried to say something but words couldn’t quite come out, too enamored with the floaty, giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Somehow, though she tried to be stoic and cold, there were two people that could always turn her into a blubbering, blushing idiot — Hotch and Emily.

“Don’t sell yourself short, you’re just as good as Emily.”

“A high position for me to take, isn’t it?”

They fell into a comfortable silence, JJ’s head resting on Hotch’s shoulder as she half watched the in-flight entertainment, some family friendly movie she couldn’t quite pay attention to. Her eyes were glazed over, unfocused, vaguely registering the characters moving across the screen.

Hotch let out a throaty chuckle at something happening on the screen, his chest rumbling under JJ’s ear. She smiled, a small ghost of a smile creeping up on her face before a fleeting memory crossed her mind, face crumpling again.

They had been on the couch in Emily’s flat, wine drunk and the room hazy with smoke, had just convinced Emily to stop chain smoking and join them on the couch for a movie. Emily’s hand held JJ’s tightly, resting on Hotch’s chest, cuddled up on either side of him, letting out periodic laughs at the French movie on the small, staticky television that only Emily seemed to be able to decipher.

Her shoulders shook, tears flowing freely from her eyes at the memory. She choked back a sob, free hand gripping Hotch’s thigh for some sort of support — a feeble attempt to ground herself, to be present in the moment. They were in a plane, jammed shoulder to shoulder with her head resting in the crook between Hotch’s neck and chest, getting further and further from France by the second, closer to home.

She didn’t quite know if it was considered home anymore — not without Emily.

JJ felt the scrap of now soaked fabric tugged from her grasp, sliding through her fingers until she was left empty handed, fingers curling and dropping to her lap. She turned, picking her head up from where it was resting on Hotch’s chest and looked into his eyes, noticed the unshed tears that were threatening to spill over.

His hand was on her cheek, cupping her face with so much delicacy and intimacy it almost scared her, almost made her turn away — if it was anyone else, she would have, but this was Hotch and she trusted him with her life. There was a fire in his eyes as the tears began to flow down his face, dripping down his cheeks as he pulled her to him.

Their lips connected in a kiss that was so soft, so full of tenderness and love. JJ gasped into his mouth, turning in her seat and bringing her hand up to the back of his head, fingernails raking through the prickly hair at the nape of his neck. His stubble scratched against her face, made her gasp and hold him tighter, lips parting as she brought her other hand up to cup his cheek.

A passenger behind them cleared their throat — an old man that had been glaring at them the entire time they had been seated, huffing every time JJ let out a particularly loud sob. They broke apart, blushing and gasping for air, JJ fanning her face and sitting forward, pretending to focus on the tiny television again.

She glanced at Hotch out of the corner of her eye, had to stifle a laugh at the way his face had turned bright red, eyes darting around looking for some sort of out from the embarrassment.

“Bathroom.” He managed to choke out, smoothing out his shirt and standing, offering her one last stroke of his thumb to her cheek before he walked down the aisle, face still cherry red.

With a chuckle, JJ watched him pass through the small door into the bathroom before reclining in her seat, trying to focus on anything but the tingling feeling on her lips. She smiled, gentle and shy, absent of tears for the first time in what felt like ages, bringing her fingertips to her lips — knew she was smiling stupidly but couldn’t help it. Maybe Emily being gone wouldn’t be so bad.

After all, they always had three way scrabble games.

——————

tag list down here xo

@whiskey-fluent @ssaemilyprentits @anepiphany @f-m27 @heat-waveee @garcias-batcave @davidrossi-ismydad @prentiss-dinozzo @jjsgirlfriend && whoever else wants to be tagged just shoot me a dm xo ily all.

[blackbird-brewster]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMILY! (Oct. 12, 1970)

To celebrate here's a head-canon about Emily and birthdays [Or Read it on AO3]:

Rated: Teen WC: 2230 Tags: Birthdays, developing relationship, early season Jemily, fluff

Emily never really celebrated birthdays before she came to the BAU, and specifically, before JJ decided it was her mission in life to make sure Emily had the best birthdays ever.

Growing up, the only time Emily's birthdays were ever really acknowledged, in the way a kid should have their birthday acknowledged, was when it was turned into a political function where she had to wear perfect dresses, have perfect hair and talk to her mother's political friends while acting like the perfect daughter. So kids ever came to those "birthday parties" because she didn't ever really have friends in school and even if she did, they had to be vetted by her Mother who would ultimately reject all of them anyway. There were some children of other politicians, but they all hung out with each other, leaving Emily by herself to socialize with adults on a peripheral level

Most of the time though, her Mother wasn't even in the same country for Emily's birthday, let alone in the same house, and Emily was totally alone minus some of the staff who did their best to let her have a special day with a fresh made birthday cake and maybe some trinkets they were able to get together. Emily loved those presents honestly; local knickknacks, books in other languages, types of cultural clothing; she still has all of them as an adult. But even then, her birthday always felt like a hollow celebration. What was the point? Another trip around the sun? So what. Another day to be reminded of having everything and nothing growing up? No thanks.

When she joins the BAU, only Hotch and JJ know her birthday because they had to look at her paperwork when she joined. Although, JJ is the only one who remembers her birthday, because she went through protocol with Emily and made the effort to memorise the date.

The first time her birthday passes while she's with the BAU, Emily's surprised when JJ asks if she has any "exciting plans" for the day. They barely know each other, and Emily couldn't figure out why JJ even remembered when her birthday was. Emily chalks it up to just JJ randomly recalling it, since Emily joined not far from October, so it wasn't too absurd for JJ to still have the date in the back of her mind.

But Emily's still caught off guard by the question and gives a vague answer that causes JJ to smile amenably and sincerely wish her a happy birthday on her way out of the office. Emily thinks it's stupid that it means so much to her, that this woman she doesn't know that well, but is certain she's on the path to developing a high school level crush on, is wishing her a happy birthday without prompting and Emily tries to stop thinking about it all that night, but she can't.

JJ texts her later that night and says that she, Garcia, and Morgan had gone out for drinks and "I know you're probably busy with birthday plans, but if you have a minute to stop in, we'd love it if you would join us." Emily moves to respond, but then she doesn't because she doesn't want to let them know how she's just been sitting alone on her birthday weekend, when her co-workers obviously think she's out doing something special to mark the occasion. She convinces herself JJ's nicety is nothing more than her way to extend an obligatory 'new team member' invitation, as a way to try to make Emily feel included, so she doesn't reply, she doesn't go out with them, she just turns her phone off for the night and the next day she pretends nothing ever happened.

The second birthday Emily has at the BAU; she'd definitely grown closer to everyone and her crush on JJ has since turned into a full out "oh god please stop this train" type of feeling, Emily is totally in love with her.

JJ knows that Emily's not into her birthday by this point, everyone knows by this point because Emily dodges any mention of it. But the whole two weeks leading up to Em's birthday, JJ and Garcia are trying to figure out her plans, if she even has any, because JJ is dead-set on throwing this woman a party and Emily is just not having any of it at all; she can tell they're both up to something and that's why they keep needling her for her plans, so she keeps giving them the vaguest of vague answers, knowing that if she gives them anything concrete one way or the other, they'll make plans and Emily definitely doesn't want that. She feels uncomfortable making anyone to go out of their way for her, which makes her completely miss the fact that JJ wants to do this, she wants to go out of her way to do something nice for Emily.

Emily manages to dodge everyone getting into her business about her plans and she settles down at home for her birthday weekend, just hoping to catch up on house chores she'd been neglecting, because of work. And while she used to brood the whole day, just be the personification of gloom, that act got old after college and now, it genuinely feels like any other day in the year.

In fact, if JJ hadn't brought it up the last two years, Emily probably wouldn't have even remembered in the first place, because outside the fact that a (typewritten by her personal assistant) card from her Mother ends up in her mailbox either the week before or the week after her birthday, Emily honestly doesn't pay attention to the date at all.

She carries on with her Saturday, like any other Saturday she has off. She wakes up when her body feels like it, instead of when the alarm goes off, she goes for a run, she eats cereal on her couch still in her sweaty running clothes while aimlessly flipping through channels, she takes the longest shower she can stand while blasting music and then she gets into a clean pair of underwear and a tank top, with literally no plans to put normal clothes on for the next twelve hours. At the end of the day when her house is clean and she's caught up on some paperwork and checked all her work emails, she decides to chill out, sprawled across her couch watching a nature documentary marathon and drinking wine and then, there's a knock on her door.

She's instantly confused, because she didn't ask anyone over and no one text her saying they were coming over. She knows she only just ordered Chinese delivery two minutes ago, which means it can't be them. And at this point, she's completely forgotten it's her birthday. But she rolls herself off the couch to go answer the door, and there's JJ standing there looking gorgeous, as usual, but her expression is excited and a little uncertain.

Emily cocks her head to one side, asking her if she's okay and JJ says of course she is, and then falls silent. Emily's left trying to figure out what's going on, she gives JJ a drawn out "okaaaaay, and?", while noticing how JJ keeps fiddling with the collar of her coat without saying anything useful. Emily finally shrugs and lets her in, mentioning she'd just ordered food and there'd definitely be leftovers, so if JJ wanted to stay and eat that'd be cool. She offers her some wine, which JJ accepts eagerly.

Emily goes to the kitchen to pour another glass, then when she comes back, JJ's still standing near the front hall, still in her coat, and looking a bit nervous. Emily's confused, because JJ had been to her apartment a million times before, so Emily has no idea what the hell JJ is nervous about. She thinks, maybe, JJ is in some type of hurry. Then quickly decides that's not the case, since JJ already agreed to stay for dinner, and even though she's in her coat, JJ has, at least, already kicked her shoes off.

Emily hands her the glass of wine, which JJ doesn't even look at before setting it down on the coffee table. She takes a deep breath and returns to stand in front of Emily, while clearing her throat awkwardly to try and explain.

JJ tells Emily that she'd been thinking about some way to make Em's birthdays mean something, and Emily kind of snickers because she only just remembered it was her birthday when JJ said as much in the moment, and she tells JJ that she's not avoiding her birthday every year because she's lonely and it's not about hating anything, it's quite literally that Emily just does not care about it, because it's not important enough to care about.

JJ pulls a hand through her hair, arguing that it is important. She explains that just because people (Emily's mother) acted like it wasn't, didn't mean that was true. And she tells Emily that she's the most intelligent, kind, nerdy, genuine, loving, beautiful woman JJ had ever met, and it's a goddamn shame that there isn't a celebration for every single day she's present in the world, but especially on the day that the world was blessed to welcome someone like her into it. JJ gets really impassioned about it, to the point Emily is flustered about what JJ's saying.

Emily doesn't know really how to respond and holy shit, did JJ call her beautiful? She did, and honestly, JJ had told her the same thing before, but the way she was saying it now -- Emily decides maybe she'd had too much wine, because she's reading into things that aren't there again. And she notices that, somehow, they'd gotten super into each other's personal space while JJ was talking. Emily can feel that her face is red, so she takes a step back and tells JJ 'thank you, that that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me', because it's true, but JJ says she isn't done yet.

JJ says that she'd been trying to figure Emily out for a while, ever since Emily joined the BAU, but JJ understood now, she'd made a mistake, because Emily wasn't the kind of person one could just 'figure out'. Which only made her even more appealing to JJ.

Then JJ tells her about how she was nominally against dating coworkers, so she'd tried to ignore the feelings she'd been developing for Emily for the last years, but sometimes it felt like it was a tidal wave and she was going to drown. And just like a tidal wave, it was useless to try and fight against the current; sometimes you just have to let it carry you out into the unknown.

JJ knows that Emily feels something for her too, but it doesn't matter to her if it's not exactly the same as what she feels, it doesn't matter if it's not the same magnitude. The important part is Emily feels something, anything, mutual.

JJ tells Emily that she'd been thinking for ages about the perfect present to give her, but what do you get for someone who basically has everything? She was going to try and throw Emily a party to show her that people cared about her and loved her, but then she realized what Emily had already said, it wasn't that she thought people didn't care, it was that Emily herself didn't care, her birthday would never truly mean anything to her.

To JJ though, well, Emily's birthday may as well be a high holy day as far as she was concerned, and the only thing she could think of to give Emily that would prove how much she truly means to JJ, was herself.

And that's when JJ recloses the distance between them and just kisses Emily stupid.

Instantly, they're groping each other like hormonal teenagers and they end up falling into each other on the couch. JJ suggested they go to the bedroom in the most eloquent of ways between kisses ("Uhm...Em?...Bedroom?"), but Emily responded just as eloquently when she can bear to pull her mouth away from JJ's throat and collarbone ("Hmm?...What? No...Too far")

So the couch is where they end up and Emily finally gets JJ out of her jacket. And in that moment, she almost loses her grip on reality altogether, because JJ came prepared for this. Under her jacket, she was wearing the most ridiculously attractive violet lingerie set Emily'd ever set her eyes on, let alone seen on another person, and it causes her to completely stop what she's doing, because she's legitimately struck with awe.

JJ is more pleased than a puppy in a tennis ball factory, because that's exactly the reaction she'd been hoping for. She grins and says "Happy birthday, Em" and Emily whispers rather reverently "it certainly is" before fucking JJ into oblivion.

And that was the best birthday Emily ever had in her life and after that year, Emily's birthday was always celebrated, because her girlfriend refused to have it any other way. And who was Emily to argue?

[beware-of-you-98]

YES I live for your jemily headcanons okok. I could probably think of endless prompts, but feeling soft for some Paris ones??

🥺🥺 AHH YES I LIVE FOR JJxEMILY IN PARIS!!! I did a mix of both angsty and soft prompts but enjoy!!

The first time they’re both in Paris together is obviously when Emily is hiding from Doyle and “dead”

They both feel way too many [negative] emotions to really enjoy their time together in the “city of love”

They never leave their hotel, and even when they move to a temporary house, they still never leave

Emily is honestly terrified

Logically, she knows, knows Doyle can’t find her—he has no need to because she’s supposedly dead

She knows JJ and Hotch only did this to protect her and that they wouldn’t let anything happen to her

But she clings to the “what if’s”

She feels so fucking guilty

Her mind keeps replaying what she could have done differently

How she could have fought harder against Doyle

How she could have stopped herself from getting distracted

How she could have done anything to prevent so many people she cares about from hurting

JJ beats herself up constantly over the entire situation

She wishes she could go back in time and grow a fucking backbone and stand up to Strauss

She wishes she could have stayed because she would have known something was wrong (she always knows when it comes to Emily)

She wishes she responded faster, wishes she could have gone down that hallway quicker and just maybe none of this would have happened

She feels awful for having to lie to everyone, even if it’s better for them in the end

They both just have so many regrets and guilt on their consciences

Emily wakes up every single night from vivid nightmares, her body trembling and throat raw from her screaming

JJ is there every single time to hold her, to cradle her in her arms and remind Emily that she’s here

Emily always falls asleep in JJ’s arms

They comfort each other, try not to think about the short time they have together

The first time they make love happens in Paris

(They both end up crying and clinging desperately to each other because they genuinely don’t know if they’ll ever see each other again)

It feels like a permanent goodbye

They don’t visit Paris for a long time after Emily comes back

A really long time

In fact, they finally go back for their five year wedding anniversary, nearly fifteen years later

JJ is the one that surprises Emily with a pair of tickets to Paris

It’s weird coming back

Like really, really weird

They both end up back at the same café they parted ways from all those years ago

They both just freeze on the opposite side of the road and stare at it

Eventually, Emily gently tugs JJ over and into the building

They get the same order they had all those years ago: two coffees and a chocolate croissant to split

Both the coffee and the pastry remain on the table untouched as they sit there in silence

It’s awkward because the only memories flooding both their minds are the bad ones

JJ finally speaks and says “What happened here before is in the past. This is now. Let’s make new, happier memories of this place.”

She breaks off a piece of the croissant and holds it to Emily’s lips as an offering

(Emily kisses JJ’s fingers as she accepts the pastry and the blonde’s offer)

Things are a lot better after that

Emily tells JJ funny stories from her childhood when she briefly lived in the city

Both of them are smiling and laughing and genuinely enjoying themselves

Emily has to stop to catch her breath in the middle of one of her stories because, god, JJ is beautiful

(Her eyes are shining in delight, her expression glowing and lips spread into a wide grin)

(The sunlight makes her skin almost appear to be glowing; JJ actually looks like an ethereal being and it makes Emily’s heart clench in the best of ways)

JJ smiles and shyly asks what’s wrong

Emily just beams and leans in and gives her the softest, sweetest kiss

“Nothing. I just love you. A lot.”

They take a walk around the canals, JJ’s head resting on Emily’s shoulder, their hands intertwined and swinging loosely between them

They take a nighttime boat tour (Emily totally only caves because JJ gives her the puppy eyes—but she enjoys the romantic ride with her ride nonetheless)

They go back to their hotel that night and make love for hours and it’s so incredibly different from last time

They cry once but only because they’re both so overwhelmed with happiness and love for each other

Their week is spent traveling all over the city and the surrounding countryside

They go to a few of the best restaurants in the world for dinners

Afterwards, they walk around the city hand in hand, just enjoying each other’s presence

As cliche as it sounds, JJ’s favorite monument is the Eiffel Tower

She and Emily climb it in the early morning hours and watch the sun rise over the city

Emily likes the obscure art museums littered around the city (the Louvre is way too busy and way too overrated in her opinion)

(They do stop by a day before they leave to show Henry and Michael the Mona Lisa over a Skype call [Henry thinks it’s cool because he’s an aspiring little artist; Michael is just happy to see his moms])

They bring back little gifts for their boys and everyone on the team and a whole new set of happy memories of the [reclaimed] city of love

:,) it’s what they deserve!!

[fiftyshadesof-h]

You are my Remedy (Jemily Fanfic)

Masterlist

Summary: JJ and Emily have spent their whole friendship together trying to deny their lingering feelings, what happens when they make a decision that could change their lives forever.

Content Warning- Description of violence. 

A/N- Hey guys!! I hope you enjoy my new Jemily fic! I haven’t quite decided where I want to go with this fic so bear with me. Try and figure out all of my ships in the story, I have quite a bit. Only the cast of 6 is in the story right now but new characters will be here soon :)))

“Moments with you, that's when I wish I could stop time.”

Chapter 1-

(Emily's POV)- I got to The Base early today, only after Sergio kept nudging my head until I got out of bed to feed him. The sunrise was like creamer being poured into coffee, the delicate lines slowly blending together as the sun washed over the darkness of the night. When I saw the sky I wanted to stop and stare at it forever, finally pulling my eyes away to get ready. 

My trousers, the same coloring as Sergio, laid just above my hips. I had picked out a red sweater today, the shirt tightening the lower it got. My cleavage clawing its way out from under the low-rise shirt. 

I grabbed a bracelet off my dresser before walking out the front door. I smiled looking down at the piece of jewelry in my hand realizing it was JJ’s small gold chain link bracelet, the light shone off of the intricate designs of it, the bracelet was small and delicate, just like JJ. 

She told me I could keep it when she saw me ogling over it the last time I was at her house. I had a love for JJ’s things, that bracelet she gave me that day was like having a piece of her with me constantly. 

JJ and I were always together, we were like two separate pieces of a magnet that you wouldn’t dare separate, I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

It was boring being at work so early, the normal buzz of voices and fingers typing on keyboards was lacking at sunrise. My eyelids drooped from my lack of sleep. My mind was constantly on JJ but last night I was drowning in thought, I laid there on my pillow, eyes opened wide looking at the ceiling thinking about the possibility of us. 

I can’t believe I'm saying it but I miss hearing Spencer’s statistics this early in the morning, I'm sure the good doctor could come up with an explanation for my fatigued state, better yet an explanation for the overwhelming amount of thoughts in my head. You know, I think if you jus-

I thought about him talking as I lifted up the coffee cup sitting on my desk in the bullpen, slowly inhaling the steam cascading off of the top before taking a long sip. 

The ripple of the warm liquid flowing down my throat had my chest rising and falling in deep breaths. Mmmmm. I hummed to myself in a hushed exhale. 

“Ooooo is it good?” a voice said coming from behind me. I spun around in my chair excitedly, coffee still in hand. My smile was wide when I met eyes with the woman who was talking, Jennifer Jareau, my breathtaking best friend, as she walked down the stairs into the bullpen.

The light came off of her blonde hair like a reflection in a mirror. I nodded my head with a hum. “Mhm, it is, delicious.” I said as JJ came closer her next action was almost too quick to stop, her hands reached forward and took the coffee right out of my grasp. 

“Jayge! You can’t just come prancing in here to steal my coffee.” I tried to sound serious and stern but it was hard to not smile around her. I could never find the words to describe it, maybe I never would find the words but every time I saw her smile I wish I had the power to stop time so that I could live in that moment forever. To see her happy forever. 

(JJ’s POV)- I took a long exaggerated sip, looking up at Emily the whole time through my heavy lashes. 

“All right, all right I need that coffee,” Emily said standing up out of her chair walking towards me, I tried to back away from her but nearly tripped trying to focus on not spilling coffee. 

“Jennifer, I am serious.” Emily said, her lips pressed together in a straight line trying to suppress a laugh. 

“Em,” I said, my hand going out in front of me in protest. “I swear your coffee just gets better and better, maybe I should just have one mor-”.

I gasp as Emily yanks the coffee cup out of my hands playfully, almost causing me to spill.

I shook my head at her laughing. As I was wiping the dripping coffee off my bottom lip, I noticed Emily’s eyes danced across my face and then they landed back down on my lips as I ran the back of my hand along them.

I would always notice when Emily looked down, dared to look down at my lips. Emily’s eyes always avoided my lips, like they were some delicate piece of china she didn’t want to shatter by looking at too hard.

She kept her eyes locked up in invisible chains never daring to let them wander down to my delicate lips. I wonder if she noticed when I did it too, if she noticed that I too would steal small glances at her lips, her eyes, the way she walked wishing, hoping, that maybe one day I’d get to her against my own lips. 

“Hey,” I grabbed the wrist that wasn’t holding the coffee. I smiled to myself then looked up at Emily. “I think it looks good on you. My things always look good on you.” The smirk on my face grew as I mentioned the bracelet that was on her wrist. 

“Hey come on lovebirds, round table in 5.” I heard Dereks’ deep voice coming from behind Emily. I hadn’t even noticed that the rest of the team had arrived, I was so engulfed in Emily's presence. We both laughed at the name ‘lovebirds’. It’s like everyone except us could feel the chemistry.

“Yeah, okay Derek.” Emily said back to him, the words accompanied with a vulgar gesture. I hit Em playfully on the stomach and grabbed on to her shoulder lifting myself up to her ear and whispered, making sure Derek could clearly see us talking. He rolled his eyes walking away from us.“Okay lovebird,” I said, making sure to accentuate the word. 

I gave her a kiss on the cheek, savoring the moment as long as I could, the feeling of her skin on my lips electrified through my whole body, going right to heart and jolting when I finally had to pull away. My heart begged me not to stop, begged me not to take my lips off of her. 

No one ever thought anything of our intimate touches, maybe I thought about those small touches too much, we were just friends. It didn’t matter if I wanted more than that, if we wanted more than that.

As Emily and I walked into the room I noticed Spencer leaning up against the wall one leg crossed over another, his hands on top of eachother fidgeting. Derek on the other hand was sitting in one of the chairs surrounding the large table right next to Penelope, he turned his head to see who had just entered the room he quickly turned his head back to penelope with an exaggerated sigh once he realized who it was. 

“Oh come on, seriously Morgan. Knock it off.” Emily said, her cheerful mood dropping once we walked into the room. Emily went to send Morgan the same gesture she sent him earlier. I quickly realized what her hand was about to do and I slapped it down. 

Hotch must have noticed what she was doing too because his booming voice cut through the tense air. “Agent Prentiss, Jareau, have a seat please.” My head whipped toward him when my name came out of his mouth. I gave him a timid nod before sitting in my seat.

“Garcia, go ahead.” Hotch spoke up again, nodding his head toward garcia. Everyone's eyes went directly to her as she began speaking. “Alright beautiful people, we have a not so beautiful problem in New Orleans, Louisiana. As of this morning there have been 6 female bodies found behind various restaurants.” 

Morgan scoffed. “6 girls and we’re just now being called in, seriously?” Hotch turned his head quickly; his face quickly morphed from a mask of tranquility to one I couldn’t quite decipher, all I knew was that he looked like a lion about to lunge for Morgan to rip his head off. Hotch was always protective of Penelope, they had a strange relationship Penelope was one of the only people who could make Aaron laugh. 

“The first presumed victim,” Garcia continued after Hotch gave her the go ahead. She pointed as the screen switched to a picture of a mangled female body covered in blood, her previously blonde hair now smudged with various shades of decaying blood. 

My eyes widened as they raked down the rest of the photo. “As you can see she had her ring finger cut off, the body part... unfortunately wasn’t recovered at the scene.” She took a harsh swallow, it seemed so odd to me that Penelope was able to talk about such harsh topics, she was that girl that never stopped smiling but everytime she talked about a case a piece of her got ripped away, she denied it, hell we all denied it. 

Hotch cut into Garcia’s speech, finishing it off. “The chief of police in New Orleans thought he had the suspect in custody until another murder occurred.”

“Wheels up in 30.” Hotch said, turning to walk out the door. 

“Here you go,” Garcia said as she walked around the table handing each of us the case files, the sound of her small heels clicking as she walked around the table. “Be safe you guys, I’ll be in my cave if you need.” Penelope blew us a kiss before walking out the door towards her office.

My eyes followed Garcia through the window, I let out a ‘Hmph’ when I saw Garcia turn straight into Hotch’s office. 

(Emily’s POV)- I turned my head towards JJ and noticed her eyes were trained on something outside the room, I turned my body and angled it in the same direction then turned my head to look at JJ. 

The look on her face gave me butterflies in the pit of my stomach. JJ was the first person in a long time that could give me butterflies, I almost forgot what it felt like to get excited to see someone everyday.

“Whatcha looking at Jayge?” I said putting my hand on her knee, she tensed at my touch but relaxed again when she met my eyes. 

Those eyes, they stole my heart. She smiled at me, shaking her head “Oh, it’s nothing.” 

JJ looked down at the hand on her leg and moved her own hand under mine, holding it. My breath hitched in my throat at the sight of us holding hands. Everytime we had any kind of small intimate touch I could feel fire igniting my bones.

JJ and I stayed facing each other for a few more seconds enjoying each other's silence before she pulled her hand away from mine to check her watch. Her brows furrowed slightly. “Come on blackbird, we gotta go.” She said, cocking her head to the side towards the door. 

Blackbird. 

“Yeah, yeah ok.” I replied in a somber way. 

-----

(Emily’s POV)- The whole plane ride I couldn’t sleep, or read, or focus on anything for that matter, the storm in my mind wouldn’t calm. The winds in my head were filled with whispers of JJ and what we could’ve been or what we can be. 

“JJ I just, I want more of you, I want more of us.”

“I can’t do that for you Emily, I’m sorry, I thought when I told you you’d just- that you’d just forget about it. I wanted you to forget!

The tears in my eyes started to fall when JJ spoke those words. “I love you Jayje. You.” My heart slowly broke apart inside my chest piece by piece falling to the ground below me like shattered glass. 

I threw my hands in her direction. I watched my JJ as she wrapped her arms around her waist, cradling herself as she backed away. 

“Tell me you feel the same way, tell me you feel this.” My voice broke in the back of my throat as I spit the words out at JJ. 

“No, Em, I don’t, I-, I can’t feel that way about you.” JJ’s hand went up to cup her mouth. 

She kept backing up towards my front door. “Jayje don’t leave me please.” I said as I stepped towards her, my heart breaking when she turned her back to me. 

“Stay away from me Emily, just,” Her hand moved to the door knob. “Stop.”

[vhsrights]

Hi hi, um, not sure if you’re taking requests for writing but... could you write a little blurb where we see how JJ deals with Elle leaving? You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with writing it!!!

hii :) i am and i love writing this! (it’s kinda sad but also happy at the same time?? hard to describe) anyways, here :) (also they were girlfriends in this one)

Instantaneous

WC: 1k (sad but also sweet)

Summary: Elle left in a moment, and JJ was left to pick up the pieces. How will she hold herself together? Were the moments they shared even enough?

tag list: @ssa-jareaus @hmm-wanky @temily @jelle-jareau @altsvu @jay-writes-jemily @ssakayprentish69 @dimitrescus-bitch @alexandrablake @coramvobis

Instantaneous, defined as occurring or done in an instant or instantly. To JJ, that word was how Elle left. She had vanished in the blink of an eye and JJ was alone once more. JJ hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye. William Lee had died, sending off Elle in his wake. It was a moment that baffled her. Elle was so level-headed, always making the right move. But that night, she had cut loose and done the one thing JJ never thought she would. She wished for answers, hating the futility that blinded her understanding.

Her fingers traced over the clothes that Elle often borrowed when she came over. It had been 5 days. There was no sign of her girlfriend. JJ had hoped that time would bring Elle back to her. But now, having been in the shroud of mourning, JJ thought she understood. Her hands gripped the shirt and brought it up to her face. Elle’s earthy scent still lingered on it. Overcome by emotion, JJ threw the shirt to the side. Sitting another minute amidst the very apartment that Elle used to come to was torture.

After all, Elle wasn’t the only one to blame. JJ had pushed it down, but there was only so long that she could deny it. Her mind flashed back to those moments that she had seen the hurt in Elle’s eyes. Her body shuddered at the realization that she had seen that before with Roslyn. Tears began to stream down her face. I should have said something. I should have stopped her. I should have talked to her. I should have-

The choices that she could have made were endless. Alas, she picked the wrong one, and now she was left to deal with the consequences. She stood up from the bed and took slow steps over to her dresser. The intricate gold frame held a picture of her and Elle. Elle was holding the camera up for them, smiling with her arm pulling JJ in close. JJ was tucked into her side, looking up at Elle as if she had hung the stars in the night sky. It had been their first date after JJ had managed to stumble out the proposition, late one night in the BAU bullpen.

Elle had helped change her as a woman. It was beyond the maturity of growing up. Elle had shown her that strength was not compliance, but rather standing for her own in the face of adversity. She had taught JJ more she would ever, enough by her actions alone. The blonde managed to crack a smile and remembered Elle’s words.

Live in the moment, because there’s only ever one like it.

Even now, after leaving, Elle was teaching JJ. She decided that living the wallow of what happened would never be the right answer. Elle wouldn’t want her to, and neither would JJ allow herself to. Breaking out into a jog around her apartment, she searched for her keys. JJ couldn’t relive those moments, but she would do her best to never forget them.

She drove in a frenzy to the mall where they had hung out for the first time, alone. JJ walked through the grand doors and took in the scene. Suddenly, it felt like she was back there with Elle. She could remember the pure happiness on Elle’s face. It was mesmerizing to see such peace and wonder in the woman’s eyes. Until then, JJ had always wondered if Elle knew how to let her guard down.

Walking through the halls, scents and sights that she had pointed out to Elle touched her once more. The thought of the Auntie Anne’s pretzels that they had shared that day brought a smile to her face. Elle had looked extra cute with the little bit of marinara that she had accidentally gotten on her mouth. JJ hadn’t been brazen enough to kiss her at that moment, but still grinned at the sight.

That was how the day went. JJ went to places that she and Elle had frequented. She thought back on the memories fondly, distracting herself from the present. JJ knew that eventually, reality would come crashing back onto her. She couldn’t help but forego that when she had their polaroids in her hand. The pictures were ones that they had hidden in all of their favorite places, some more raunchy than others. It was the adrenaline rush and the daunting smile that graced Elle’s face from then that stuck in her head.

JJ decided to collect the pictures and take them home. Home. It was something that they’d often talked about and Elle had become a part of hers. She felt the tiniest piece of her heart begin to mend as she laid the polaroids to rest in a scrapbook. Perhaps, this was the way to heal. Taking her own advice, JJ curled up in her bed beside Elle’s clothes and promptly fell asleep.

Some days were harder than others. JJ would shut down around the team, blinding them with a smile that they all knew was overtly fake. She walked a little slower, her eyes dimmer by magnitudes. The files that piled up seemed like mountains and she cursed out the vanished agent, wherever she was. JJ would drown herself in Elle’s favorite whiskey, and let her tears splash against the scrapbook she had created. Curses to the woman flowed from her, many in a stupor, and none genuine. On those nights, no one could get through to her except Penelope, that too, occasionally. They ended with her passed out in her bed, clutching the few items that she had of Elle tightly.

Other days, the pain felt numbed and JJ could focus on the good. She could think about the time that she had spent with Elle. She could recall the peace and the true happiness. She could remember the way that Elle’s lips against hers made her heart flutter and mind blank. They were fleeting moments, but ones that she would cherish forever.

She still felt bitter for a while, but soon it started to fade. Elle became but a figure in her head, guiding her as Roslyn did. She became a token of the past. JJ never gave up on her, but the pain was never nearly as much. She moved on, grew up, and marked away that chapter of her life.