#like do i really have to call every week we dont even have anything to talk about?
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it's always sad to realize but people who never contact you first aren't your friends. i always let people into my heart very easily n it kinda comes around to bite me bc i always consider people friends even tho they aren't very friendly at all to me
#idk man like;;; i hang on like my life depends on it#not in a clingy way; more a 'even tho we haven't talked for 6 months' kind of way#but if i always Always have to start the convo#that isn't a friend yk??? i know that#in my head i know that#but i still have a really hard time letting people go#it's just sad bc i really don't require a lot of friendship energy either#we can not talk for weeks and i'll be just as happy to hear from you as when we talk every day#but like;;; idk at some point i gotta just let things go i guess bc#it just makes me really tired n sad#mutuals are great and all until they don't even treat you like#idK people dont owe others anything ofc#but i think it's the nice thing to do if you call someone your friend#ring ring
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#unfortunately i dont have anything to show you foday#or anything particular to tell you either#so how about you look at this flower i bought at the local store and i think about what to say along the way#actually the employee at the store gave me a discount#every time i buy flowers im forced to participate in human interactions with strangers and remember that we live in a society#i think now that summer is over and the grass is no longer that green and touchable we should buy flowers from time to time to remain sane#i had to take a break from meds for a few days last week and it went rather ok. except i was bawling my eyes out at every given opportunity#you know. there is actually a game that keeps making me cry even when i cant really physically do it#its not really that sad. i would say that the main genre of this game is actually comedy. but the topics raised in dialogues wreck my brain#i dont really feel anything at all while reading the text or anything like that. i dont ecen think about it that much#but every now and then i feel the wetness on my hands and realize i've been crying for a while because of what read there#thats how i cry 99% of the time since the day i was born and i didnt really think anything about it untill now#my psychiatrist told me i have severe problems with dissociation and recognising my own emotions#but a few days ago i was watching some silly local soap opera in the background (im binging this stuff its iconic) & it broke my brain#the raised topics in the series triggered me this much i felt The Pain™. idk how to describe it rather then The Pain™ lol#now im back on meds and i dont feel anything at all again. this or my ability to recognise my own emotions just went down to 5% again#sometime i dream of someone who would posses my brain for a few minutes so that they would help me understand what i really feel#or if my reactions to life events are correct. sometimes when i think that i know exactly what i feel i stop myself and recognise#that i dont know nor understand shit#the more i think about it the more materialistic i become#you can always measure something physical. you can touch it or even search every inch of it with a magnifying glass all you want#but you cant measure the feeling#you know its really bizzare that i feel so much attraction towards poetry while having so much trouble with the concept of emotions itself#you can call me pragmatic but im too lenient for that. you can call me lenient but im too pragmatic for that. idk man. im gonna sleep now
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24 days!
#em#milo.txt#im thinking about em again. i mean when am i not they're always on my mind#god they make me so fucking happy#ive been having such a shitty past few weeks but talking to them has helped#it feels. incredibly magical to have a love as strong as ours#they called me a good boyfriend today and they just. get me yknow?#in ways no one has ever. in ways i didnt even expect! in ways that feel full of love#i love how we've become entangled in one another. it really feels like there's no true me without them and vice versa yknow?#like yeah yeah yeah im my own person. kickass grad student whos queer as fuck and hot and theyre their own person.#fucking amazing scientist beautifully radiant individual whos so kind and gentle and fuckn CUTE ((they sent me a selfie this morning#and i was like HEY GIVE A GUY A WARNING OKAY!!! I NEED MY BRAIN FOR SCHOOL! CANT BE TAKING MY BREATH AWAY LIKE THAT#AND RENDERING ME SPEECHLESS!! theyre sooooo cute. i see them and im like ohmygod youre so fucking... youre so pretty youre so cute youre so#hot youre literally every word that is escaping my mind right now and i have never seen something as breathtaking as them))#ANYWAY!!! it still feels like half of me is missing when they're not with me yknow? and its true#half of me IS missing... they are !! they're my other half they're my beloved they're my lavender they're my fucking bestie#it really sucks being this far from them and not having them in my life in person but soon! soon.#theyll be in the same city as me again and we'll go for drives and we'll go grocery shopping together#and get weird looks because we just. get so GOOFY together#godddd i love when we would try to forage for fucking food in [redacted] at like 10 pm but eVERYTHING CLOSES SO EARLY#like that time we went to taco bell and they only took cash so we had to pivot#god i just miss that shit!!!! i miss that with them !!! i miss laughing and being happy and having no worries and feeling. GOOD#i love that i can just look at them and they KNOW what i'm thinking like i dont even have to SAY anything and they KNOW#and how genuine they know me? god. they send me reeses and hi-chews in care packages and its the ONLY time i have them bc i dont usually#buy shit for myself like that PLUS it feels like an extra special treat when i get them from them.#also the way they have helped me love myself? like fuck.#if they're capable of loving me so deeply and truly. maybe i can too yknow?#ill do things that i wouldnt have done before knowing them (like admitting i DO know things and celebrating my 48% on an exam and eating#ice cream because its going to make me happy even though theres still remnants telling me to not)#like.... they really have changed my life for the better
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,,,,
#im losing it a little bit and feel like crying but just *cant* and its making me irritated on top of wanting to cry#my last relationship... broke up with them 3 months ago didnt block them bc they owed me money (long story)#and now we're having this like- closure-ish/last conversation of our relationship (as in 'friendship')#and its been over the course of like a week now? bc we both take a day or more to respond#me bc i carefully write my msgs and make sure i hit every point i wanna make#them bc they just suck at responding and are online much less post breakup#and im the one who needs to respond now and ive been carefully thinking through our entire relationship from start to end#making sure i didnt miss anything important i want to say#and im realizing that i dont think they ever truly knew me#they made me feel very early on that i had to hide parts of myself because they were so unstable that just my negative emotions could push-#-them towards an anxiety spiral or even harming themselves#and idk how purposeful that was i dont think it was very intentional but regardless they made me feel that way#and because they only ever saw either the 'good' side of me or the very surface level bad days (like worrying about family acceptance)#i dont think they ever truly knew *me*#and instead they created this image in their head of me thats so perfect and on such a high pedestal#which only further my feeling of needed to hide the 'bad' parts of me#and its just- they've known me for like 4-5 yrs now. dated me for 2.5(?) of those. and they dont KNOW ME#and idk what to do with that.#it creates this really weird feeling in my chest and i dont know what to do with it#ive had friends in my life before who claimed to be so close to me but didnt actually know me at all#but they all had the excuse of being delusional about our relationship after only knowing me for 8 months bc they were school friends#but my ex? they knew me for ~4.5 *YEARS* they dont have that excuse. the only excuse if you can call it that is the fact they made me hide#what do i even do with this realization...#vent post
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I can't sleep :(
Rant in tags it's long
#i didnt want to but like i didnt really have a choice#i feel like an asshole in this situation even though Objectively i'm not#but it's because i'm 99% sure i burned bridges for bf too not just me#this would be an angry brother posting but. this isn't about how much i dislike the guy it's about how much i CARE#if your partner's brother was drunk as hell would you hide the key to his bike?#would you try to prevent his grandma from telling him she found it; knowing that she knows he's shitfaced?#knowing they'll give him the key and let him drive away?#knowing they'll forget that this is not the first time and won't be the last? that he crashes the bike at least once every 2 weeks#knowing that they're denying what drunk looks like due to past trauma with alcoholism (not the issue but relevant)#if your partner's brother was drunk; obtained the key; put it in the ignition threatening to drive somewhere ON A FUCKING BIKE#would you call the cops? because i did. i know acab and all but like.#do i just let him drive away and crash for possibly the double digit-th time? definitely can count it on two hands#do i let him drive away drunk and possibly never come back?#do i let that come to pass? i literally would never forgive myself. i dont even like the guy but i dont wish ill upon him#we tried so hard to prevent her from telling him. we really did. i know she was trying to calm him down but like. idk man#i feel fucked up and i dont know why#i wasn't trying to put him in jail i was trying to save his life. not that he would believe me or care#unfortunately for him his bike was against him. it is visually fucked up and battered and you can Tell it's been crashed multiple times#but what makes me the angriest is that his grandma and mom don't seem to fucking care? like AT ALL#they know he's drunk but they just care about not having conflict (as if that'll solve anything)#bf told him 'if you get on that bike im calling the cops' which is obvs met with 'do it pussy'#so i walked away and called them. he thought i was bluffing the whole time. i was not. they need to learn that shits not cool#everything is so fucking nuanced it's ridiculous. my hands were tied i genuinely didnt see any other way#if you read all this you are a trooper and i'm sorry you wasted your time on my drama but i needed to get this out and maybe i can sleep#its fucking 3:09am rip
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pre-relationship bullshit haikyuu teams probably had to put up with before various ships managed to get their shit together
daisuga probably was really annoying with like small/petty jealousy, like a girl would hit on one of them and the other would be standing behind their back making faces about it and mocking it and everyone else on the team just has to put up with it. and then theyre all overly sweet to each other to make up for the petty jealousy or some odd version of "winning them back" after the flirting event and the team is rolling their eyes *so hard*
i think asanoya is so annoying bc nobody can convince Asahi that Noya likes him. Like full stop. Eventually someone pulls him aside and is point blank like "Noya said he has a crush on you ask him out" and Asahi is just like: "Haha he was probably joking" and just leaves the scene. Like the absolute refusal to believe it from Asahi combined with Noya's classic teen boy inability to be sincere means that even after theyve both been told they somehow still havent gotten together??? how long is this going to take???
tsukkiyama probably ruins everyone's week the week before they get together bc one of them *saw* a confession letter stuck into the other's bag and absolutely went (emotionally) off the rails for the days leading up to them discovering it was for them.
I am fully of the camp that iwaoi start dating before they label it/make it official so the whole team is screaming like "PLEASE HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT" meanwhile Oikawa is saying "we just went on a few dates and kissed a few times it doesnt mean anything" and Iwa is in the background shouting "yeah I dont wanna be anyone's boyfriend that's lame" and then they wander off to go eat dinner together holding hands and the team is left in frustration because ALL they talk about is how theyre *not* in a relationship.
for bokuaka its mostly just Bokuto pestering every goddamn person he knows for like 4 months asking "do you think Akaashi likes me?" or "do you think he'd say yes if I asked him out?" and then one day making Konoha *snap* when he says "I need to tell you a secret" and the secret is that he has a crush on Akaashi as if nobody had known that
with ushiten I imagine Tendou was probably really obvious with his crush/interest but in like a very casual "not taking myself too seriously" kind of way so he's comfortable openly flirting, and Ushijima, against everyone's expectations, doesnt seem to mind the attention but is still who he is, so the whole team just has to put up with the most INSANE interactions. Like Tendou walks into the locker room and cat calls him and Ushijima just replies with a formal "thank you" and Semi is contemplating slamming his head in a locker. There's like 12 months of this.
okay okay but I think arankita is *very classic* in that Aran compensates for his crush by over-supporting Kita. so like the whole team gets super annoyed bc Aran wont risk disagreeing with him, is always offering to do extra work, is generally just sucking-up really badly and the twins suffer the most for this bc Aran used to just ignore their antics but now he's super annoyingly on them all the time to try and impress Kita
kuroken is a little different. Yaku asks Kuroo every single day if he's asked Kenma out yet. Lev asks Kenma if he has a crush on Kuroo every chance he gets. Fukunaga gives them a wink when they leave practice to walk home together. This is the only pairing in which the team is the irritant pre-relationship and then post-relationship everyone loses interest and moves on.
I'd include kagehina but once again the entire goddamn show is everyone putting up with them flirting so whats the point.
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late shift
fem!reader x bangchan
synopsis: you and your virgin coworker Chan share a bed.
warnings:🔞 !!! virgin!chan, whiny!chan, oral (m!rec), orgasm denial (m!rec), size kink if you squint, dom(ish) reader, praise, no protection, creampie, one bed trope, prob forgot some
wc: 3.77k
an: my first request! Thank you for submitting hope i did it justice lol also i lost the request i dont know where it went ;-; but i think i got everything you asked for
I used the line about ‘inviting someone back for ramen at your place’ synonymously with the term 'netflix and chill' I'm pretty sure that's the way the line is used in Korea. Correct me if I'm wrong lol. Anyways feedback appreciated :)) not proof read sorry! [m.list]
You've been at your current job for a few years and every other Friday you and your coworkers go out for a drink or dinner depending on how heavy the workload had been the previous weeks. This Friday was one of those times, only most of your coworkers had taken a work trip to help secure a big account. The office was basically empty around the end of the day now, only your office light and the office across the hall was on. Chan, the owner of the space in front of yours, could be seen typing on his computer through the glass, one of the few who had opted out of the trip to be able to leave earlier. Only both of you hadn't been leaving the office at reasonable times even if it had been promised. your days were still just as long only now you were picking up the other's work while they were gone. it was a shit deal but neither of you would complain, too shy to bring it up to your boss who did in fact keep his word on letting himself out early.
rubbing at your eyes you power off your laptop after looking at the time. if you didn't leave now to catch a streetcar you would have to walk home and you were too drained to do that. you start to pack up your things and across the way, you can see Chan doing the same, probably set to move when you did. he was always nice enough to wait every night until you got off to walk you to the stop sign to wait for your ride before he went across the street to catch a streetcar headed in the opposite direction. even without your other coworkers, he was always smiling at you from across the way waving as you left to head home.
As you slung your bag over your shoulder and headed to turn out the lights Chan was at the doorway giving a shy smile. “I'm a few seconds from collapsing on the floor and sleeping in my office,”
“me too,” you flip off the lights, “and I'm starving I don't even think I have anything in my fridge,”
Chan keeps pace with you as you make your way out of the building, reaching ahead of you to press the call elevator button “We could always keep the tradition going even if it's just the two of us, find a place for dinner?”
“I don't know, not a lot of places are open at this hour and I want to eat on the couch and pass out,” you say hopping in after Chan when the elevator arrives. The space is small enough to have your elbows touching. Chan pressed the button for the lobby, “We could eat ramen at your place?”
You are shocked to hear his suggestion and you assume he is too seeing at how he is bright red and stuttering, “No not like that- well kinda but just the food part- wait- I-,” he cuts himself off giving a flustered sigh, “I'm sorry i- we do not have to i'll just go home I'm sorry,” chan's rubbing at the back of his neck, ears red, eyes scrunched to avoid looking at anything at all because it would kill him to see your negative reaction. hell, it will kill him hearing you say no and push him away even if it was an innocent suggestion in the first place. he really didn't mean it that way he only wanted to hang out because he liked you and now he's gone and ruined that with a suggestion he didn't even fully intend to say in that way.
Your giggle fills the silent elevator and you bump your shoulder against his arm, “It's okay Channie, it's definitely a perfect idea, ramen sounds so good, anything warm will send me straight to bed,” You find it cute how flustered he gets around the topic of sex. drinks out with coworkers leading to his confession months ago that he was inexperienced in bed, the flush on his cheeks as he begged the others not to ask him dirty questions.
please you're joking Chan there is no way you haven't had sex yet! your defense of him that night only makes him like you more, who cares anyway? We should not be sharing bedroom talk with our coworkers. To know you are all kiss and tellers is an explanation enough as to why none of you get any when we go to bars. The conversation moved past Chan's Confession to laughs about how their coworkers had in fact picked up ladies from bars before. Chan had been thankful but the next morning when he remembered sharing he was a virgin in front of his crush was mortifying but you never brought it up again.
you didn't really care that Chan was a virgin, finding out didn't make you like him any less than you already did. even if Chan had been asking to go back to your place to have sex you don’t think you would have turned him down. for as long as you worked in the office across from him you couldn't help but think about asking him out just the two of you but you had witnessed Chan turn someone down before in the breakroom. The way he smiled so sweetly as he said he didn't really like to date coworkers made you try and push the image of the two of you together away. you were friends and inviting him over was something friends did.
“There is a convenience store across from my apartment, works out great,” you smile once you leave the elevator, “it won't be too late for you to head back home later?”
“no northbound street cars run another lap, unlike the southbound ones I should make the last one,” the two of you ride to your place with polite small talk, and when you get off you cross the street to the store to pick up your dinner.
It's the first time Chan has been in your small place, the one you haven't upgraded since you were in college because you didn't see the need for any more room but with Chan in the living room taking up most of the couch you wish you had. Both of you seated watching TV had your legs pressed together from the hip to the knee, his body heat overwhelmingly comfortable as you ate dinner.
Neither of you realized you were beginning to fade, eyelids heavy as you tried to blink away sleep. When you realized you had dozed off, the TV was playing a movie that neither of you had put on, your head resting on Chan as he slumped over the armrest of the couch. you pick up your phone to check the time, the movement waking Chan up, “oh no it's so late,” you yawn pulling yourself up, “The last streetcar left an hour ago,”
“shit,” Chan yawns, stretching out still in his button-up shirt, he had taken off his work coat when he came in but this was nothing he could sleep in.
“it's okay you can stay but I have nothing for you to wear,”
“I can walk it's okay-“
“You will not be walking all the way home. it's fine you can sleep in my bed I don't even think the couch is long enough for me to stretch out all the way,”
“Then where will you sleep?”
“the floor, it's okay,” you say waving him away to check to make sure your room is clean of clothes on the floor. you wave him over as he shakes his head, “No you're not sleeping on the floor in your own home, we can share I don't mind, or I'll Sleep on the floor,”
“Fine, we can share,” You're too tired to argue, too tired to think about the fact that Chan is standing in the doorway as you turn around and pull out your oversized sleepshirt, shedding your work top and bra off.
Chan is suddenly frozen fully awake watching you. He can only see your bare back turned to him, the image of your fingers unhooking your bra burned into his mind before you tug on the oversized shirt. but you're not done, the button of your work pants is undone, and at only sound in the room is the ripple of your zipper before you tug your pants down leaving you in your underwear. he cannot see them but he can see the outline through your white shirt, the black fabric hugging your ass as you pull the covers back to climb into the bed. “turn off the lights when you're ready,” your eyes already closed as you snuggle into the sheets. but Chan can't move. He is sure if you opened your eyes it would be very obvious that he was thinking about you lying in bed next to him almost naked. only two articles of fabric separating your completely naked form from him.
he swallows the lump in his throat unbuttoning his work shirt, when it's gone he starts on his pants even taking them off to leave him in his underwear is enough to make him sigh. the pressure on his cock releasing just a bit but not enough to make him go soft. He's cursing at his body for making it so obvious he wants you. You're so natural at this, not even caring that he's climbing in bed next to you and he's a complete mess as he edges in on the far side of the bed trying not to make any contact at all as he turns the lamp off.
in the dark, he tries to tell himself to calm down but it doesn't work, not when he can smell you on the sheets, when all he can think about is that if you touched yourself you would have to do it in this bed.
You're not even thinking about anything besides falling asleep. You can hear Chan trying to get comfortable next to you, tossing and turning, the dip in the bed from his weight making you slide closer to him. you're barely touching him but he's gone still next to you, without thinking you roll your hips to try and pull away not wanting to make him uncomfortable but it does the opposite because you slide closer to him your ass pressed against his very prominent erection.
if it wasn't for Chan's uneven breaths you would have thought he was asleep with how still and quiet he is. you wonder if you should pull away and ignore him, act like nothing was wrong, that you did not feel anything at all, and that you were asleep already and it was an accident. but the heat of him makes you wet, just the idea of rubbing back against him sends you into overdrive. you move your hips again to hear the soft whine Chan lets out, he's so close to your ear that it makes the sound amplified.
Chan reaches out, his palm wrapping around your hip and you brush against him again. His whine is louder, a weak, “I'm Sorry,” mixed in with the sound. Chan's hips bump forward looking for more friction but you can tell he's trying to hold himself back with how hard he's holding you. “it's okay,” you whisper grinding back into his strained thrusts.
“ill stop, I swear,” but he can't bring himself to listen to anything he says, the feel of your ass against him is so much better than when he ruts against his pillow at home. You're so warm, so firm, and he can't help himself. Chan's movements are jerky as he presses himself against you, the thin material of his underwear making him groan in annoyance.
“You don't have to stop,” you mutter, encouraging him with each roll of your hips against him. “if you want I can use my hands,”
The thought alone would have made Chan cum if he hadn't pulled himself away from you, rolling on his back and whining from denying himself.
you sit up next to him, watching him squeeze his eyes shut, hair a mess on his forehead before he runs his hands through it grabbing the strands and pulling at them. He's panting hard, the rise and fall of his chest catching your attention. You've never seen Chan shirtless, you didn't know that underneath the suit he wears he is completely ripped. Your mouth waters with the need to lick him up and down, to kiss him, if he let you suck him off it would be a very good night. “If you don't want me to use my hands I could use my mouth,” Chan whines again, a weak thrust of his hips into the air at your words. you lean down until your lips are next to his ear, “If you don't want my mouth I could let you use me in other ways,” he's fully humping the air now, fists made in the sheets.
“I don't- I've never…” he shakes his head finally opening his eyes. pupils were blown looking for you to understand, “I want to be good for you but I don't know how,”
“I can show you,” your lips brushing his as you whisper it, “only if you want me to,”
“I do!” he nods, “I want you, I've wanted you so fucking bad for too long,”
you kiss him and he could shatter at the seams from finally getting to taste you. Chan has made out with people before, he knows he's a good kisser, what he's worried about is everything else. but with your lips on him, he's a little less worried. breaking the kiss you move to straddle his abdomen, kissing down his jaw as he throws his head back. He can't control his thrusts anymore, searching for friction where you're purposefully not giving him. “patience Channie,” you say between nips at his neck, his whines in response but you shake your head. “I know you're needy but it will feel better with foreplay,”
he nods as you work down his collarbones, reaching his nipples as you slide down his body. you lick down his chest and abs, circling his navel and following a line down to his waistband. The cold air hits the line you've made down him and Chan moans at the feeling, goosebumps rising over his arms. He wants to touch you, peel your shirt away, and finally see more than just your bare back. almost as if you can read his thoughts you sit up placing your ass on his thighs before pulling off your shirt. nipples pebbling from the air, Chan's hands fisting the sheets so hard his knuckles are bloodless.
“If you're good next time I'll let you lick me the way I did for you,” Chan whines almost painfully before you lean down moving back until you are face to face with his clothed bulge. already a dark spot on the fabric from his precum. “Let me know if you're about to cum okay?”
Chan nods head lifting to watch as you lean forward and kiss over where he's straining in his underwear. his hips try to chase your mouth when you pull away and you tisk at him, “Patience Chan I shouldn't have to tell you twice,”
“I can't help it,” he moans, your fingers hooked into the elastic around his waist pulling the fabric down his legs, his cock heavily slapping against his stomach. every vein prominent, ruddy tip swollen and begging to be kissed. you gather the spit in your mouth before letting it drop down against his length. If you are going to fit it in you're going to have to take the time to stretch yourself out so it won't hurt. For now, you wrap your hand around him, giving him a few shallow pumps, his moans of approval the only sound in the room. you let Chan thrust into your hand when he doesn't like your pace but you completely pull away when he says, “I'm going to cum im-“ he whines so loud at missing his release, your lips on his thigh as you use your hands to hold his hips back from coming up off the mattress.
“no please, please I want to cum, please,” he begs, trying to rut in the air but you shake your head.
“You have to wait pretty boy, you can hold out a little more right?” but he doesn't get to answer when you lick up his shaft, tongue swirling around his tip.
Chan has never been so noisy in his life, he's never wanted, no needed, to cum so bad. when you fully take him into your mouth he sees spots in his vision, the coiling in his pelvis intensifying. he doesn't want to tell you but like you're sucking the words right out of him he whimpers, “cumming im-,” but it's ripped away from him again and he's on the verge of tears. he won't be able to last any longer not like this, when every brush of your fingers on him makes him twitch. he lets go of the death grips he has on the sheets pushing himself up be rolls the two of you over.
you're shocked as he pins you down, his face pressed into your neck whimpers tickling your skin. “please, can I cum inside you?” his cock is rubbing against your covered center, and he can feel that the fabric is wet with your arousal, knows he must be doing something right when your soft moans come every time he rubs against your clit.
you nod knowing you won't be able to say no to him, not when you want him this bad. “take my panties off,” Chan listened, not waiting a moment to follow your order. when they are gone he's stopped by the sight of you. laid out for him glistening, you reach down using two of your fingers to make a v pushing open more of yourself so he can see. Chan watches as you drag your fingers through your wetness, and whines as he watches you dip a finger into your entrance.“you listen so well Channie if you keep listening I'll let you taste me,”
chans weak in the knees at your words, he wants nothing more than to please you, to hear you say nice things to him over and over, to finally let him sink into your warm heat. “please,” it's so quiet you almost miss it.
“Grab your cock in your hand,��� he does as you say, “then lean over me and run the length of you in my wetness kinda like you were doing before okay?” he nods and when he plants his hand next to your head he looks down to watch what he's doing. both of you moaning as he rubs against your clit, he could just stop here, he knows just this will make him cum without a second thought but you won't let him. “drag your tip down until it catches if you miss ill help you, okay?”
but Chan doesn't need your help, the head of his cock prodding your entrance, his hips jerking knowing he's so close to feeling all of you, “you're doing so good,” you hum brushing your fingers through his hair, “slowly push in I won't be able to take it all unless you go slow,”
Chan pushes in following your instructions. he's hardly in when he's shaking, you feel so fucking good, warm, and just right. he will never be able to imagine taking you while he's alone again, his hand won't cut it anymore, not after this.
his moan is guttural as he fully seats himself inside you, your hips meeting his. chans so deep you can swear he's touching your womb, your hands wrap around his shoulders, both of you catching your breath, “you have to move slow, warm me up a little before you can trust harder,” Chan nods but he doesn't know if he will be able to last long enough to make himself go any faster. Your warm walls feel so fucking good he could cum without moving at all, but he slowly pulls out before sinking back in. You're so wet it's easy to find a steady pace.
“Just like that Channie,” you moan and Chan whines at the praise, he wants to be perfect for you, as perfect as you've been for him and he can't control himself, his hips sinking hitting you deeper than you felt before.
you moan loudly as he brushes your gummy stop making you see stars, “your hand, use your hand on my clit,” you whimper and when Chan's fingers find the perfect spot he feels you clench around him. he gives a shocked moan not realizing you could feel any better, his orgasm so close he presses his fingers harder against you, your shocked gasp music to his ears. you didn't think you would cum seeing as it was his first time but you're right on the cusp when you hear his pants, “I'm going to cum, please, I need to cum, let me cum in you,” he begs eyes watching where the two of you connect.
“you've been so good to me,” your words making his stomach flex, balls tightening, and you can feel him twitch inside you, “cum for me Channie,”
he cries out as he finishes, hot ropes of cum spilling inside you making you follow right after him. The fluttering of your cunt makes him whine sinking in deeper letting his body weight fall on you as he pumps more cum deep inside you.
never has he cum so hard or this much, never did he think it would feel this amazing.
Chans is lying on top of you, both of you sweaty and panting. your fingers comb his hair back from his forehead, scratching his scalp until he's humming. you can feel his softening cock inside you, his hips twitching every once in a while. Neither of you moves, only enjoying the feel of each other. “Did you mean what you said?” Chan asks and you scrunch your brows. “what?”
“about next time? that there would be a next time.”
you giggle pressing a kiss to his cheek, “Yes if you're good there will be a next time,” but you can feel Chan twitch inside you already growing hard again.
#stray kids bang chan#stray kids smut#stray kids#kpop smut#bangchan x reader#bangchan smut#christopher bang#bang chan#skz bang chan#chan x reader#skz#seungmin#hyunjin#lee felix#lee know#han jisung#i.n skz#changbin#straykids x reader#skz smut#smut
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I read one message from my dad then boom mental illness: +400
#dad driving me insane with how much he is acting like we never want to talk to him#like brooo we are fucking busy?? exams and uni is driving me nuts and idk how to keep mysef alive#like do i really have to call every week we dont even have anything to talk about?#and we i text him to ask about him cuz apparently it’s my job to do that he doesnt even reply so like????#i love how when he doesnt reply i can understand he’s busy but when i dont call im just heartless#im the child why is it my job to make sure we’re communicating#i’ll go bang my head against a wall maybe it’ll make sense then#thisisnotadiary
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HIIIIIIII I love your writing alot!!!! Soo, I wanna request something:3
Maybe a Yandere Stanford Pines x GN reader who only saw him as a close friend? They became friends when they were still in high-school up to this day! (Yes, reader did sort of wait 30 years for Ford and never forgot about him)
Maybe just Stanford obsessing over Reader romantically, and Reader just think him as the greatest best-friend ever!!
I LOVE ONE SIDED PINNING OKAY????
Stanford Pines x GN!Reader
UM UH,,, IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANON— and it's something I'm not even proud of 😭��
context btw; reader doesn't know about weirdmaggedon or fake death or entire lore, they dont tell them anything uhhh idk anymore
You took the bus to Gravity Falls! Stanley reached out to you after decades of not having contact. It was a bit sudden, but there's no way you're going to ignore his call.
Stanley Pines was the first man you saw when the Mystery Shack's door opened. Wrinkly, exhausted widened eyes looked at you in silence. He looked unprepared... kind of crusty musty... and very unhygienic.
"You look disgusting! I'm gonna hug you anyway!" you beamed, pulling him in for a big hug. Unwillingly, a strong whiff of his scent hits your nose. "You stink too! You haven't changed a bit, Stanley."
"Glad to know ya missed me," he laughed, giving you an affectionate noogie.
When Stan finally let you go, you looked up to see Ford. He stood in front of you, speechless as he stared into your eyes.
"...Ford," you grinned, walking towards him. In curiosity, you placed your palms on both his cheeks. He seemed to relax with your touch. "You changed a lot."
Your eyes, while they've wrinkled, are as warm as the day he last saw them. He smiled back, his large hand covering one of yours. Your smile widened when you saw his fingers. "And you aged beautifully."
Poetic as always! A laugh bubbled up your throat as you wrapped your arms around him.
He quickly returned the gesture, burying his face into your neck. He missed this. He missed you.
Your warmth didn't change. Fascinating.
"I missed you, man! How come you're such a silver fox now? Good for you!"
"I still have no idea what a silver fox is," he chuckled, already longing for you the second you pulled away from him.
Ford merely stood there for a few moments before he grimaced. Damn it. He still likes you, doesn't he?
It's been more than thirty years already. He thought he would have moved on, especially after the whole weirdmaggedon thing. Why would Stanley ever get the idea of calling you back here??
All of you now sat at the table with you in between the Pines twins. Mabel wore an apron, sophisticatedly offering you tea. The sweetheart made the recipe herself!
"So, how have you been doing these days?" Ford asked, resting his cheek on his palm. Every passing second with you, he gets reminded more and more of why he used to like you.
You are, after all, the first and only person to not call him any sort of names because of his hands.
"Oh, I mean, I've been financially doing well, and it's been a bit difficult to settle down with a partner... but," you blushed. "I think I finally found the one."
Ford coughed out violently, pounding a fist against his chest. He really shouldn't be surprised. He really shouldn't! You're bound to have found someone!
Get a grip. Fourty. Years.
...He truly had missed out on this dimension for such a long time.
...
The sky is dark. Dipper told you about the roof spot at the shack, and now you're here, thinking about life.
"Dipper said you'd be here," a voice murmured. You looked up and saw Ford walking up to you. Chuckling, you offered him a non-alcoholic drink.
"How many days will you be staying here again?" Ford asked as he sat next to you, sparing a small space between.
"A week at most," you shrugged, kicking your legs at the edge. Ford simply stared at you.
"I guess it'll be forever before we see you again, huh?" he mumbled.
You turned to him with a smile. "Of course not. You guys are invited to my wedding."
... Wedding.
A small huff left your lips. "We're so old now. I still remember being in high school and grouping up with you and Stan when a trio was needed. Good times."
Ford continued staring at you.
"You guys were my best friends. Probably not now, I mean, been decades since we last talked. That reminds me, what made you call—"
Ford suddenly interrupted you with a hug.
"Woah, Fordsy, you miss me that much?" you laughed, hugging him back.
Don't call him that. His arms around you tightened.
You simply let him hug you.
It was such a long one.
And it only grew tighter by the second.
Like he never wanted to let you go again.
but his aim is getting better 🗣️
i love your idea so much btw, i too am a fan of one-sided pining.... the desperation yk.. I THINK I JUST SUCK AT WRITING FOR THAT WHAT 😟 (says the yandere blog)
#yanyan crumbs#yandere#yandere gravity falls#yandere x reader#gravity falls x reader#stanford pines#stanford pines x reader#yandere stanford pines x reader#ford pines x reader
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Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s child
Tony Stark x child!reader
warnings: alcohol ment,
a/n: so i just really think that the concept of tony having the party kid as opposed to nerdy avenger kid would be a really cool idea to explore teehee. most of this does actually take place pre-avengers tho!!
prompt:
you we’re quite the exhausting kid
“is this really how it felt to raise me?” -tony
many of nights he’d find your bed empty, you’d snuck out to go have your fun as teenagers do
“yeah, boss, i imagine it was” -happy
you always showed back up in one piece (like him) and besides a little slap on the wrist you didn’t get much discipline
actually, it usually went like:
“so, where did you go off to last night?” -tony
“a party” -you
“really? didn’t want to loop me in before you snuck out…again?”
“last time i told you about a party you showed up!”
“uh—yeah, but it’s not like i went all dad on you and dragged you away or anything”
“yeah, you joined the party and offered to buy teenagers more booze”
“hey, they all loved you after that! and they couldn’t get enough of my classic dance moves” -tony, jokingly doing the sprinkler with one arm “but seriously, let me know next time”
“we’ll see about that” -you
^the above conversion went about the same every time
sometimes for entertainment purposes you’d try a little harder, throw a few pillows under the covers to make it look like you were still home to put a smile on tony’s face
“aw, y/n reminds me so much of me” -tony
tony was still partying at this point so you’d flip the script on him from time to time
“you were out late” -you
“what are you, a cop? leave me alone. actually, can you get me some aspirin and water?” -tony
“sure, one or two” -you
“make it three” -tony
he would nurse your occasional hangovers (what a great dad!)
okay, he didn’t always know when you were gone. he was busy a lot of the time with his own business and extracurriculars so you guys did just kinda do your own thing for certain stretches of time
honestly you could be a bit of a klepto in the best of ways
but only to tony and only for fun
“oh, great, where’s my car?” -tony
“which one?” -pepper
“the black one!” -tony
“be more specific” -pepper
“the only one missing from my garage!” -tony
“yeah, i know, just wanted to give you some more time to think about it” -pepper
“i changed the code on the lockbox like, five times this week. did they hotwire it?” -tony
“we are talking about your kid, right? pretty sure they just hacked it” -pepper
“i am…so proud” -tony
you MAY have gotten a few close calls with authorities, but nothing tony couldn’t handle
and up until tony’s accident, the phrase “you’re going to give me a heart attack” was silly and endearing
“you might actually give me a heart attack, y/n, give a guy some warning or just say please for god’s sake” -tony, now comes with an arc reactor in his chest
“sorry” -you
“what—huh—didn’t hear ya, wanna say that a little louder?” -tony, very sarcastically
i tell ya when he got that armor u couldn’t tell if u were gonna flip out at him or invite him to a party
or steal it for…you didn’t even know what
but tony was 3 steps ahead of you when all this came to be
and you weren’t very interested in weapons, still just parties and dumb fun for you
“dad, i dont wanna be a nerd, will you just let me go out?” -you
“come on! just help me in the lab a few hours, what’s it gonna hurt?” -tony
“my social status” -you
“might i remind you you’re a stark? i think you’ll live if you miss one party” -tony
“you’d be surprised” -you
“hey, i almost died! give your old man a break” -tony
once tony got involved with SHIELD and the avengers he got even busier really
and in came the parenting advice from fury, clint, nat, steve
“hey, i don’t see you raising a teenager, back off” -tony
*clint side eye*
steve once tried to give you a good talking to, but you reminded him a great bit of your father with your stubbornness
“you done? i dont think you should be giving out any parenting tips fresh off the ice” -you
tony was kind of proud of you for sticking to your guns
especially around such powerful people
but you had a knack for that and could do it to practically anyone
mostly because you felt like an invincible teenager since you were raised by tony, who also thought himself an invincible teenager at one point
u tried to tone down giving tony grief when he started having panic attacks
since u accidentally caused a few by pushing boundaries and staying out for several nights in a row
cuz as tony gained more enemies, he thought you’d be in more danger
which was true
“happy, you’re y/n’s personal bodyguard” -tony
“no!” -you
“uh, cool? any fun parties planned tonight? i’ll be the designated driver. god knows i’ve been tony’s too many times” -happy
taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlizzie07 // @queen-destenie // @johnmurphyisqueer // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @canarypoint // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @swanimagines // @randomfandomimagine // @petersgroupie // @summersimmerus // @scarthefangirl // @bad4amficideas // @sheridans-dynamos // @simsrecs // @prettysbliss // @skdkdkckfk // @simp-legend // @wild-rose-35 // @nekoannie-chan // @evilcr0ne // @v0idl1nq // @ruvaakke // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @amirahiddleston // @beth-gallagher22 // @brutal-out-here // @rqmanoff // @elenavampire21 // @mymelodymia // @pheonixfire777 // @deanzboyfriend //
#tony stark imagine#tony stark x reader#tony stark#tony stark x child!reader#tony stark x son!reader#tony stark x daughter!reader#stark!reader#iron dad#iron man x reader#iron man#iron man imagine#avengers x reader#avengers imagine#avengers#marvel#marvel imagine#marvel x reader
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Tips for wring amputees: its ok if your amputee can't repair their own prosthetics
There's a trope in fiction for amputees to always be these mechanical geniuses who can make and repair their own prosthetics, endlessly tinkering away and improving them. This isn't a particularly trope, and i dont think its harmful or anything, but in reality, prosthetics are REALLY, REALLY complicated, and a lot of amputees cant do their own repairs. And thats ok. Like, prosthetic creation and repair is way, way harder than I think people expect. Well outside the skillset of your standard mechanic, handy man or craftsperson.
People who make and repair prosthetics are called prosthetists. To become a prosthetist, most countries around the world today require you to have completed a bachelor's degree in specifically in prosthetics and orthotics, which covers not only how to make a prosthetics (and orthodics) but a great deal of medical knowledge, physics, how different forces impact "non-standard" bodies, the additional biological wear-and-tear that comes with being an amputee and so much more. This will qualify you to do the job of fitting/making the prosthetic socket (the part that attaches to your body) and putting premade components together to make a functioning device. On top of this, many prosthetists are also expected to have artistic skills, sewing skills, good physical strength and dexterity, IT skills, and more recently, knowledge of 3D modelling and printing.
You want to make all the high-tech components the prosthetists put together to make the full prosthetic? The requirements for that vary country to country, but most will require at least some level study in the field of engineering and/or medicine, on top of what was already required for the prosthetics course.
The reason for all this is because even "basic" prosthetics are extremely finicky, and messing up one thing will have a domino effect on the rest of the body, especially in more complicated prosthetics. It can also result in people getting severally injured if anything is even slightly off. many leg amputees for example end up with spinal issues due to extremely minor issues with their prosthetic that weren't caught until years later, and by then the damage had been done.
Some amputees do learn to do basic repairs. This is most common in places like the US, where a visit to the prosthetist can cost hundred to thousands of dollars (depending on your insurance), but it's also quite common in rural parts of countries like Australia, where cost isn't an issue but access is due to vast distances between major cities. I was personally in this category; as a kid, my nearest prosthetist was 6 hours away. My prosthetist was able to teach my dad, who later taught me, how to do some of the simple repairs, but we still needed to go in every few weeks for the more complex stuff (Kids prosthetic need more adjusting than adults because they're still growing. Also I was rough on my prosthetics and broke them a lot lol).
But even after being taught how to do repairs and having my prosthetics for 20+ years, I only ever did these sorts of repairs to my below-knee prosthetic. I will not do any repairs of any kind to my above knee leg, which is much more technologically complex. Every time I tried, I made it worse to the point where the leg was unusable. I just leave those repairs to the guy who went to university to learn how to do it, and sometimes even he needs to send it off to someone with even more specialist knowledge when it's really badly messed up lol. Last time that happened Australia post lost the package. Not really relevant to this post, I just find the idea of it being sent to the wrong place by accident hilarious, it was one of my more realistic legs too so someone probably had a heart attack when they opened that package lmao.
Anyway, back on track lol.
This isn't even touching on the fact that on some more advanced prosthetics, many features are actually locked behind a security barrier only prosthetists can access. My prosthetic knee has an app on my phone I can pair it to, that allows me to change certain settings and swap between certain modes for different activities that tell the leg to change its behaviour depending on what I'm doing (e.g. a mode for running, a mode for cycling etc). but most of the more in-depth settings I can't access, only my prosthetist can, and he can only gain access to those settings with a security key given to him by the manufacturing company that requires him to provide proof of his credentials to receive it. I don't really agree with this btw, something about being locked out of my own leg's settings makes me feel a bit of an ick, but it's set up like this because people used to be able to access these settings and they would mess with things to the point their leg was virtually unusable. Because altering one setting had a domino effect on all the others, and a lot of folks weren't really paying attention to what they were messing with, all their prosthetists could do was factory reset the whole leg, which causes some issues too. Prosthetic arms are often similarly complex, as I understand it and have similar security barriers in place for more advanced arms. I don't know for sure though, so take that with a grain of salt.
All this to say these are incredibly delicate, finicky and complex pieces of equipment. There's nothing wrong with having a techy amputee character who can do their own repairs, but in reality, that is pretty rare, and its ok to have your character need to see a prosthetist or someone more knowledgeable than them. It's a part of the amputee experience I don't see reflected very often in media. In fact, the only examples I can think of in fiction (meaning not stories based on real people) where this is reflected are Full metal alchemist.
technically I think Subnautica Below Zero also mentions prosthetists are a thing in that world, but its a very "blink and you'll miss it" kind of thing...in fact I did miss it until my last playthrough lol.
#Writing Disability with Cy Cyborg#long post#id in alt text#amputee#writing disability#disability#disabilities#disabled#actually disabled#writing advice#writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#disability representation#authors of tumblr#prosthetics#disability aids#mobility aids#amputee life#amputee problems#full metal alchemist#automail#amputee representation
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love affair. [tsukishima kei x f!reader] chapter three.
>>The unsavory reputation that Tsukishima Kei has built for himself as the Sendai Frogs' rudest rookie puts his upcoming contract renewal at risk
or
Tsukki really needs a girlfriend, and you really need everyone to stop calling you his pathetic, pining best friend<<
series status: [complete]
previous. || masterlist.
a/n: dont talk to me about that scene after he wakes up and gets angry in her bed okay dont fucking talk to me about it,,,,, that was the filthiest non-smut scene ive ever written
[feel free to buy me a cup of coffee!]
---------------------------------------
Kei stays at your apartment until the end of the semester.
He goes home a couple times a week, of course – he has to do laundry, and he and Yamaguchi have a pre-set Tuesday night plan of sitting on the couch and playing video games until it’s late enough that Tadashi almost always sleeps through his first class on Wednesdays.
But… he somehow finds himself in your bed every other night of the week.
The first two weeks or so, he comes up with excuses.
‘ It’s getting cold, and your heating hasn’t kicked in yet. ’
‘ If I go home this late, it’ll wake Yamaguchi. ’
‘ We’re going out in the morning, anyway. It only makes sense. ’
He does it until, one morning, you roll over and lean your chin on his chest, looking up at him with those doe eyes he likes so much.
‘ You do realize I’ve already agreed to let you keep staying here, right? We talked about it that first morning.’
He’d remembered. He just hadn’t been sure if you’d meant it. But since you’d brought it up again, he’d stopped asking. He’d just allowed himself to get used to falling asleep and waking up next to you.
It makes sleeping on his own for two nights a week utter hell. He can’t get to sleep no matter what he tries. The only thing that works is falling asleep on a video call with you, like a stupid, lovesick teenager. He’s terrified you’ll tell Kiyoko, who would immediately tell Yamaguchi, who would never let him live it down. But it seems you’re just as shy about it, about the fact that you’ve become dependent on each other to do something as simple as sleep.
And sleep is all you do. He’s never dared to cross a line with you in bed. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t try anything, not there, and he’s stuck to it. He lets himself kiss you stupid on the couch before bed, and in your kitchen when you make him coffee before class, and against the wall of your bathroom when your outfit and makeup look a little too good on you.
But never in bed. It’s too tempting – you’re too tempting. And you have no fucking clue.
You just prance around your apartment in those stupid little shorts, with your stupid little smile and that stupid little way you say his name–
‘ Tsukki!’, your giggle excited and your eyes bright.
‘Hey, Tsukki-’, your tone distracted while you sort through mail.
‘Tsukki…’, your eyes wide and your voice whiny while you ask him for something.
It drives him crazy. It makes him want to grab your face and kiss the pout right off your mouth. It makes him want to buy and do anything you want, even when you want nothing at all. It makes him want to whisper your name and admit things that he shouldn’t.
But nothing makes him want to do any of those things more than when you say his name properly, with a little edge in your voice.
‘ Tsukishima.’ , your hands on your hips and your eyebrows arched in annoyance.
‘I swear, Tsukishima- ’, your breath sharp and shallow because you’re stopping yourself from picking a fight.
‘ Tsukishima… ’, your lips close and your eyes twinkling with amusement, because you remember the things he’d been drunk enough to admit at that party.
When the syllables of his name stack in your mouth like that, he’s overcome with thoughts that one should never have about a friend. Thoughts of pinning you up against the wall and daring you to say his name like that again. Thoughts of bending you over the side of the couch and showing you just how in charge you really are. Thoughts of kissing you in that tiny bed, and then making you cry in it, your face buried in the sheets and his name – ‘ Tsukki, please- ’ – whined so prettily.
But he doesn’t do any of that. He just watches you use his name in that scolding, reprimanding way, and he smiles. He sits there and smiles and pretends that every fiber of his very being isn’t aching to show you how to use that smart ass mouth of yours.
And yet, despite the torture, he stays. He stays, waking up next to you every morning and enduring the pain of your presence, and he has no idea why. Maybe it’s the way you hum to yourself while you make breakfast and wince when your coffee’s too hot, because it somehow always is. Maybe it’s the way you think aloud when you do chores, your grocery list rattled off while you stand in the corner folding laundry. Maybe it’s the way you gravitate toward him as if on some biological clock, every half hour marked by your fingers combing through his hair while he works or your arms wrapping around him from behind while he’s putting his shoes on to leave for practice.
Maybe it’s the way you treat him exactly the same but completely different.
You’re the girl he’s always known, rolling those pretty little eyes and telling him without hesitation when he’s being an idiot. You still judge him when he says stupid shit, and you’re still strong about your boundaries and your ability to hold a grudge. But… something’s different.
You sit closer lately, your legs draped over his knee and your side pressed against his. You let him kiss you even when you’re mad, and sometimes – sometimes — that’s all it takes to get you to forgive him. You call him on your way home from class – not because you have anything specific to say, but because you simply feel like talking his ear off while you walk.
He’s not sure which of these things is the reason he stays, but he thinks about every single one. He thinks about them, and he seeks them out. He calls you on the days that you forget to call him yourself. He takes his headphones off if he sees you go into the kitchen, because the chance of hearing you hum off-key is high. He gravitates to you when you’re too immersed in work to pay attention to him, his body draping over yours. He pulls you into the spot between his legs when you watch TV, because sometimes, having your legs hooked over his knee isn’t enough. Sometimes, he wants your back against his chest and your thighs in his hands, your head against his shoulder and your breathing synchronized with his own.
God, he thinks he’s obsessed with you.
Maybe that’s why – on Friday nights, when Yamaguchi and Kiyoko come over – his roommate always looks at him a little too long, the freckled boy staring in suspicion. Tadashi plays along with Kiyoko’s jokes about the two of you, but his eyes are always narrowed when no one’s looking, a knowing smirk tugging at his lips before he looks away. And, when Kei inevitably mumbles that he’ll be staying the night instead of going home with Yamaguchi, maybe that’s why his roommate always meets his eyes evenly, like he’d been expecting it.
Maybe that’s why, on a Saturday morning in mid-December, he finally gets tired of watching your body insecurity get in the way of everything. In the way of that stupid little smile he’s starting to fall for, in the way of the sweet way you say his name. In the way of you seeing how painfully obvious it is that he’s obsessed with you.
It’s that Saturday morning in mid-December that he finally loses his mind, in that tiny bed with you.
–
He wakes on that cold morning to you shifting beside him, wrapped up in his arms. Your back is pressed to his chest, one of his arms wrapped snugly around your middle and the other tucked under your head. You wriggle against him, and, in his half-groggy state, he genuinely wonders if you’re trying to start something with him (later, he chalks that one up to wishful thinking).
You shift again, your hips moving under his arm, and he hums.
“‘s up?” He says, sighing into your hair and pulling you tighter against him. You curve your back protectively when he does, one of your hands coming down on his wrist.
“Uhm,” You mumble. “Can you… Uhm-”
It’s the discomfort in your voice that clues him into the fact that something’s going on with you.
He peels one eye open and examines you, and, when he still doesn’t understand what’s happening, he opens his other eye and lifts his head. You’re holding your phone with one hand, the screen displaying a comment posted under a photo of the two of you.
[8:54 AM] keisgirl : is it me, or is she gaining weight?????
It’s one of the most-liked comments, with the replies underneath it varying from neutral agreement to outright hateful bullshit.
You haven’t realized that he’s seen your phone. “Could you let me go, please?” You ask, in a voice so small and vulnerable that he’s tempted to listen to you. But he doesn’t, because he knows what this is. This is you falling back in on yourself, closing your body off to him because you don’t want him to touch or look at you.
He sits up quickly, ignoring the noise of surprise you make when his arm slides out from under your head. He snatches your phone away and turns his back to you, scrolling through the comments.
“Tsukki-” You say, recovering and sitting up. You press your chest to his shoulder, reaching for your phone, but he just brushes your hand away, shamelessly pulling up the rest of your open tabs. He knows he shouldn’t, but he needs to check.
Unfortunately, he knows you a little too well.
The Trajectory of Frogs’ Tsukishima Kei’s Relationship with Plus-Sized Girlfriend: Will They Last?
Y/l/n Y/n: In Love or Gold-Digging?
How to Lose Weight in Time for the Holidays
30 Pounds in 30 Days: New Diet Takes World by Storm
Kei’s not sure he’s ever been this angry before. He stares emptily down at your phone, finally letting you pluck it out of his open palm. His hands shake just slightly, and he knows you can see them by how still you are.
“ Tsukki, ” You whisper after a moment. “I-”
“Are you out of your mind?” He says, his voice devoid of emotion.
“I just-”
He whirls on you, eyes alight. “Are you out of your mind , Y/n?” He jabs a finger at your phone. “What are you gonna do, starve yourself because of something that someone on the internet said?”
“It’s not just one person,” You argue weakly. “I’ve been gaining wei-”
“So?” He barks. “So what? I can’t tell.”
You roll your eyes, and he actually feels his eye twitch. “I think you’re a little biased, Tsukki-”
“No,” He says. Laughs, because you’re really going to make him lose it this time. “No, I’m not biased. I’m important.” He rips your phone from your hand again, dropping it on the nightstand as he turns in place and climbs over you. “After everything, you still listen to a bunch of shitheads who know nothing about you. And then you call me biased, because I have an accurate fucking opinion about how you look.”
You gasp when he puts a hand on your shoulder, shoving you down on the mattress. He grabs your thighs and pries them open, settling himself between them. “Why did you want me to let you go, Y/n?”
You swallow hard. “I… I don’t know-”
“You didn’t want me to touch you. Why?” He anchors his hands to your waist, dragging you toward him. “Did you think I was suddenly going to change my mind if I could feel your body? That I was going to feel you under my hands and realize that I was repulsed by you? That I only like you with your clothes on, that I hadn’t considered what might be under them? Is that what you were scared of?”
You don’t answer him for a moment, so he grips your hips tight, his thumbs sure to leave prints on your skin later. “Yes,” You whisper finally, shutting your eyes. “I just… don’t feel pretty-”
“Look at me,” He says, a heated sigh leaving him. You don’t, so he tugs on your thighs hard. “ Look at me, Y/n.”
You pry your eyes open, staring into his own with trepidation.
“Now listen to what I’m about to say to you,” He snaps. “Can you do that, for once ? Or are you going to keep acting stupid? Because I’m not in the habit of having stupid friends.”
Your brow furrows in irritation, and he’s glad to see it. He’s glad to see anything that isn’t that haunting insecurity. He sits back on his heels, keeping his eyes locked on yours.
“What you seem to be fundamentally misunderstanding, Y/n-” He growls. “-is the idea that the way you look and the way you’re shaped is something that is, without a doubt, unattractive. You think your body is something that no one would ever want to touch — you don’t seem to fucking comprehend that some people might like the way you feel.”
He squeezes your hips once. “ Some people might like that they can hold you like this – that the more of you that there is, the more that they can hold while they fuck you.” Your face is starting to turn red, and he feels immense pride for it. He anchors himself to you, shifting his weight and dragging you down against his hips, over and over again. “ Some people want to see what your body looks like when it bounces like this, Y/n-” You’re starting to gasp, and Kei’s unable to stop the way his eyes trail down the length of your body while he moves you.
“Some people are obsessed with the idea of making you look like this,” He says, his own breath coming short for a moment. “Because some people want to rail you, and no one could ever look as good getting railed as you would.”
“Tsukki,” You whisper, your chest rising and falling sharply with each gasp. He stops moving you – lets you breathe for just a moment – and slides his hands up your sides, his palms absorbing the heat in your skin while his fingers fan out greedily over your ribs. Your shirt rises with his movement, and he stops when the fabric is bunched up under your breasts. His fingertips skim the skin there, notably missing that lacy underwire that’s always kept him at bay.
He’d noticed that you don’t wear a bra to bed – of course you don’t, that would be unreasonable to expect, even with him here – but fuck, if he isn’t just now realizing what that means. He chews on the inside of his bottom lip, eyeing you hungrily.
The moment to breathe seems to have been enough for you, because your fingers close around his wrists. His first thought is that you’re stopping him from going further, that maybe he should back off. But you don’t push him away.
If anything, your eyes seem glazed over with desire, your breath still coming a little short.
“ Tsukki ,” You breathe, shifting your hips against his carefully — there’s no way you can’t feel how hard he is right now. Your voice is quiet, like before, but now there’s more. More, like you want him to keep talking to you.
He can do that.
“Do you believe me yet?” He says. His voice shakes with his breath, and he swallows hard to hide how you’re affecting him. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
When you don’t answer him this time, he can’t tell if it’s because you really don’t have an answer, or if it’s because you’re fucking with him. Because the way your eyes drag down his body – the way you open your thighs an inch more and press your hips against his gently, an invitation – makes him think you might be fucking with him.
“I’m just,” You mumble, your legs starting to wrap around his waist. “I dunno, Tsukki.”
You must be fucking with him.
“No?” He says, his hands sliding down to hook under your thighs and peel them off of him. Your eyes widen, his own narrowing. He extracts himself from between your legs, as much as he doesn’t want to, and tosses your legs sideways onto the bed. You gasp, alarmed, and he grips your waist, hoisting you up by force and turning you over. You scramble to catch yourself, your hands and knees hitting the mattress.
“What-”
Kei sits up behind you, finding his place on your hips again and yanking you back. Your ass presses against him, and he holds you there, no matter how hard you wriggle. Your heavy breathing is audible, and he’s thankful for it, because the way you’re moving against him is not making his own breath very quiet at all.
“Still not sure, sweetheart?” He says, flattening a hand against your back and pushing down on it. You collapse on your elbows with a yelp, and he slides his fingers up and takes a fistful of your hair. “How about this-” He snaps his hips forward, feeling his thighs slap against yours and your ass ripple from the force. You choke out a moan, and he does it again, against his better judgment.
“You think the right guy wouldn’t die to feel you like this, Y/n? You think he wouldn’t do anything for a chance to make you sound like this?”
You moan again in response, and his stomach flips with excitement – because the syllables that had just stacked in your mouth were undeniably those of his own name.
He rocks his hips into yours again as he uses his hold on your hair to yank you up. Your breath catches in your throat, and you lift up blindly, so trusting and sweet while he pulls you back against his chest.
“What was that, princess?” He says, breathless and embarrassingly eager. “What’d you say?”
Your lips purse, and he knows he was right, because you’re looking up at him with embarrassment. He releases your hair, his hand coming down to wrap around the column of your throat. He stares down into your eyes, feeling your pulse skip under his palm.
“ Again, Y/n ,” He whispers, watching goosebumps break out over your skin. Two syllables fill your mouth, the same he’d heard the first time.
“ Tsukki.”
He’s so fucked.
Releasing you, he plants a hand on your back and shoves you onto your stomach, handling you roughly as he turns you back around. He clambers between your legs, relishing the way your thighs open and wrap around his waist, so welcoming. He cages you in, hovering over you as he stares. You stare back, eyes wide and breath short.
And then he stops, because he knows he should.
He has to.
“Is this okay?” He whispers, eyes searching your face. You seem taken aback by his question, your brow furrowing.
And then you blink, and your eyes clear.
And, for all that he’s silently begging you to say yes – begging for this to be such a simple choice for you – he’s glad he asked. Because he can see the realization starting to hit you. That this will go somewhere, somewhere fast and irreversible, if you say yes.
You swallow, and then your eyes look away from his, and he takes that as his answer.
“Okay,” He sighs, hanging his head. “Okay.” He starts to lift away from you, but your hands are on his biceps.
“Wait.” You search him anxiously. “Tsukki, I- I just…”
“I know,” He says, nodding. He’s a little disappointed — mostly just a little hard and more than a little horny — but there’s no world in which he’d rather you do something you’re not sure about. “It’s okay. I know. That’s why I asked.”
You look like you want to cry. “Are you mad at me?”
He glares down at you. “Seriously?”
“I feel like I led you on-”
“Y/n, of course I’m not fucking mad at you.” He sighs, slowly extracting himself from between your thighs and sitting beside you. “I’m not that guy-”
“I know!” You sit up on your knees, hands on his shoulders. “I know, Tsukki. I just… Are we good?”
He laughs tiredly, dropping his head back against the wall. “ Yes , Y/n. We’re good. I’m not gonna make you do something you’re not ready for.”
You shake him. “But are we good, Tsukki? Us?”
He looks at you, taking you in. You look so scared. And as much as he wants to yell at you, to snap at you for being this worried that he would be upset with you over this, he knows he can’t. Not when you’re this scared.
“Will you please stop listening to other people? I really can’t keep doing this. I mean it this time,” He says. You pause, and then you nod. He lifts his brows. “You believe me? You trust me?”
You give him a shy laugh, your face radiating heat. “I think you kind of… made it clear what you think. I believe you, Tsukki.”
He tries to fight the blush that’s rising. He’d really lost his mind there. “Then, yes,” is all he says, pushing your hair behind your ear and taking your face in one hand. “We’re good. I promise.”
You sniffle, but you nod, and the doe eyes you give him make his heart skip. “Okay. Thank you. I… I’ll be ready soon, I swear-”
“You don’t have to promise me something like that, Y/n. You don’t have to be ready soon, and it doesn’t even have to be me.” He bumps his forehead against yours, the closest he can come right now to shaking you in frustration.
“It’ll be you,” You admit, glancing away nervously. Kei thinks his heart actually stops in his chest when he hears that.
“You’re… Are you sure?” He says, barely a whisper. “It doesn’t have to be.”
You just laugh, watery and sweet and perfectly capable of killing him where he sits. “Of course it’ll be you. Don’t be stupid.”
“ Me? ” He can’t help but laugh, sharp and full of disbelief. “You’re telling me not to be stupid? Are you joking?”
When he ropes you into his arms and starts berating you for being stupid, you only giggle and let him, and he thinks — not to be dramatic or anything — that he might just do anything to hear that sound for the rest of his life.
He’s so fucked.
–
He goes home later that day, to get some more clothes and because Tadashi’s going home for Christmas.
When he enters the townhouse – brushing off the paparazzi at the gate asking if he plans to move in with you since he’s spending so much time at your place – he finds his roommate rushing around the house in a flurry of open suitcases and screaming.
“Uh-” Kei ducks as a pair of boxers goes flying over his head. “Are you okay ?”
“ I overslept! ” Yamaguchi screeches from upstairs. “ I stayed on the phone with Lev too late last night, and now I’m going to miss the train! ”
Kei lifts his brows, finding a safe place in the armchair and watching the destruction unfold in their living room. “So… things are good with him, then?” Yamaguchi had been on a few dates with the aspiring model since Halloween, and Kei had heard him talking recently about officially seeing him. “Gonna introduce him to your family soon?”
“ You shut your ass! ” Tadashi yells. “ I’d say the same about you and Y/n, but your family already knows her! Didn’t she have a massive crush on Aki when we were kids?! ”
Kei flushes, scrubbing at his brow. “We’re not dating, Dashi,” He murmurs. “And, yes, she did. It was annoying.” Tadashi reenters the room at a high speed, flying down the stairs with clothes piled high in his arms.
“You sure about that?”
“About the two years she was convinced she would marry my brother? Yes, I’m sure.”
“About you dating, dumbass.”
Kei sighs. “I know. I’m sure about that, too.”
“Doesn’t look that way to me or Kiyoko.” His roommate shrugs, reconsidering one of his shirts and tossing it on the couch.
“Yeah?” Kei laughs nervously. “How’s it look?”
“Looks like you’re madly in love with her, to be really honest-” Tadashi cuts off, seeing Kei pick up the throw pillow behind him. “ Don’t give me brain damage right now, please. I’m too busy.”
“I’m not in love with her,” Kei mumbles, setting the pillow in his lap.
“Dude, you’re obsessed with her.” Tadashi sits on his pile of clothes, shoving it into his suitcase with his ass. “You’d bottle her farts and smell them throughout the day if you could.”
“You’re really romantic, you know that? Lev into that kinda thing?” Kei says, growing frustrated. He knows he’s obsessed with you. He knows . He’d all but admitted it to you in bed this morning.
“Look,” Tadashi says, running into the bathroom and throwing literal bottles out the door and across the length of the living room. Kei watches, impressed, as he racks up a high success rate of getting them in his suitcase. “You’re staying at her place all the time, you only come home to get clothes-”
“And for our Tuesday nights!”
“-you fall asleep on the phone with her if you do sleep here-”
“Who told you that!”
“-and your face turns a really weird shade of red whenever I bring this up.” Tadashi points at him now. “Kinda like that.”
It is rather warm in here.
“Just think about it,” Tadashi continues, slamming his suitcase shut and zipping it up with shockingly minimal struggle. “You have all of Christmas Break. Kiyoko’s busy with Kyoutani, and I won’t be here, so you don’t need to come home at all.” He stands the suitcase up with a huff and then stares down at it with hands on his hips, proud of his work. “Kiyoko tells me Y/n’s also having a hard time.”
Kei perks up, following him to the foyer and watching him put his coat on. The words ‘ it’ll be you ’ float through his head, and it’s suddenly a lot warmer in here. “What’d she say?”
Yamaguchi eyes him. “Exactly what I just told you. That you two are acting like idiots who don’t know how to speak to each other.” He rolls his suitcase to the door. “Stop dancing around each other and make this official. Not labeling things is going to end up with one or both of you heartbroken.”
So you had talked to Kiyoko about this.
Yamaguchi leans in, squeezing Kei in a tight hug and then slapping him on the back. “Go get ‘em, Tiger-er. Frog.”
And then he’s gone, leaving Kei staring at the front door with a mumbled ‘ have a safe trip ’ echoing in the empty foyer.
–
Tsukki stays with you through Christmas.
After that morning in your bed, you have an irrational worry that – when he goes home to say bye to Yamaguchi – he might never come back. You pace your apartment for an hour after he’s gone, eventually calling Kiyoko to freak out. You severely regret that decision, because she spends the better half of another hour laughing in your ear about how you’d almost fucked your best friend. She does calm down, eventually, and it’s to remind you that Tsukki’s never lied to you.
He’s never lied to you, and he’d told you he wasn’t mad at you, so you have to believe him. You have to believe him about everything , because that’s all he’s asking of you.
So you hang up the phone, wishing Kiyoko ‘ good luck and good fucking ’ before she leaves for a date with Kyoutani, and you sit on the couch with the TV on. You stare at the screen and pretend to know what’s happening, only checking your phone sixteen times over the course of another few hours. And when there’s a knock at your door, you only pounce off the couch before catching yourself, managing not to run all the way to the door.
And, God, are you glad that you did everything you could to remain calm. Because, when you open the door, Tsukki’s standing there holding dinner and looking through his duffel bag like he’s checking that he didn’t forget anything. He’s standing there, completely normal, like you hadn’t all but asked him to fuck you and then promptly rejected him only hours earlier.
He just looks at you, hair dusted with snow and nose tipped red from the cold, and asks if you’re okay. Because you’re just standing there staring at him like it’s Christmas morning, not letting him in. You do let him in, and you eat dinner together, and then you go to bed together. And you’re scared that being in that bed with him again might be awkward, but he just climbs sleepily between your legs and falls asleep with his head on your chest.
It doesn’t come up again until Christmas Day.
—
On Christmas morning, you wake to the conflicting smell of coffee and something burning. Sitting up, you look directly into the kitchen, seeing smoke and a towel waving through the air.
“What are you doing?” You gasp, rolling out of bed and rushing over to where Tsukki is coughing and waving his arms.
“My fucking best!” He sputters, fanning a hand in front of his face. “What does it look like?”
You round the bar, yanking the smoking pan off the stove and dumping its contents in the trash. You roll your eyes when he whines ‘ my beautiful breakfast’ somewhere behind you. “What were you trying to make?”
“Eggs,” He grumbles, and you can’t help but shoot him an amused grin.
“Finally, something the Great Tsukishima Kei absolutely sucks at.”
“I suck at most things that aren’t volleyball and school.”
“Well, thank God for that,” You snicker, throwing the pan back on the stove and turning to plant a kiss on his mouth. “If you’re gonna be good at something, I would hope it’d be your job .”
He grumbles briefly but just wraps his arms around your waist and follows you around the kitchen, severely interfering with your ability to cook an actual breakfast.
“Speaking of my job…” He starts, his voice muffled in your shoulder. “I think they’re supposed to let me know soon about the contract.”
You turn in his arms, setting the carton of eggs down. “Really? When?”
“Dunno. But it’s the end of the year, so…” He looks indifferent about it, but you can see that he’s worried that they haven’t said anything so close to New Year’s Eve.
“Okay. I’m sure they’re just finalizing things, that’s all.” You card your fingers through his hair and pull him in, kissing him gently. “Do you wanna go out tonight? For dinner?”
He smiles against your mouth. “You askin’ me on a Christmas date? So cliche, princess.”
There’s no amount of money in the world that could make you admit to him how fluttery those words make you. You just kiss him again, letting him back you into the counter.
“Maybe,” You mumble. “Pick a place. My treat.”
“You’re funny,” His mouth drops to your neck. “Thinking I’d ever let you pay for anything while I’m around.”
“You let me pay for coffee that one day,” You argue pointlessly, your breath short from the way he’s nibbling on your skin.
“That’s because you’re a two-faced liar who hides the important things in a relationship.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” You coo jokingly. “Can I make it up to you?”
He groans, laughing after. “You know exactly how that sounded.”
“Yep,” You say, finally pushing him off of you and returning to the eggs on the counter. “Pick somewhere nice for dinner. It’s Christmas!”
He grumbles through the morning, your giggles filling the rest of the air, and you exchange gifts after breakfast. You’d made him a photo album of all the most ridiculous pictures you’ve taken together over the last few months. He’d gotten you a necklace that he’d watched you ogle in the window every single time you’d passed by, always claiming that it was too expensive and that you didn’t need it, anyway. He helps you put it on – kissing down the curve of your neck and over your shoulders and whispering that you’re even prettier now – and you sit in his lap with the photo album open, trying your very hardest not to kiss him silly every time he laughs that bright, genuine laugh that always makes your heart beat harder.
Around dinnertime, you get ready, asking what kind of restaurant he’d picked and rolling your eyes when all he says is ‘ a nice one ’. You pull out your best dress – a floor-length, wine red little number – and then you watch as Tsukki loses all concentration, his tie dangling pathetically in his hands.
“Ready?” You say, stepping out of bathroom as you finish pinning your hair up. His eyes drag down the length of you, and then he shakes his head dumbly.
“Not even a little bit.”
You make fun of him all the way to his car, brushing your mouth over his in the elevator and watching with a smirk as he fights the urge to chase after you when you pull away.
The dinner goes perfectly – it’s an upscale spot that serves way too little food on plates that are way too big, but Tsukki holds your hand the whole time and looks at you like he’s never looked at you before. It makes you nervous, but he just smiles when you blush, mumbling that he likes that look on your face. You wonder what’s gotten into him, but you decide to let it go in favor of sharing a glass of wine with him and giggling when his face starts to flush from the alcohol.
He’s decently nice to the reporters outside the restaurant, either feeling relaxed from the drink or too busy pulling you away from Nariko, who you’re chatting up with a wine-tinted bubbliness that makes the other reporters scowl. She just squeezes your arm and tell you to have a merry Christmas, and Tsukki busies himself with leading you by the hand down to his car. You don’t see it, but you find out a few hours later on Twitter that he’d pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and stuffed it in Nariko’s hand, telling her to go home to her family for the holidays. The pictures online had all shown Nariko’s awe-stricken face and the jealousy of much meaner reporters who’d never gotten the time of day from Tsukishima Kei.
He takes you to a pizza place down the street after leaving the restaurant, where you split a large supreme pizza and complain about how little food there was at the expensive place. You ask if they charge for air, and he jokes that they probably charge for smelling the food. You crack shitty jokes and fight over the last slice, and then you watch with thinly veiled affection as Tsukki signs the t-shirts of some young boys who’ve run over from the next booth over. He even gives them a small smile when they say he’s their favorite Frogs player, and then he gives you a large one when they turn to you and ask what it’s like to date someone famous.
‘ It’s a pretty sweet gig, ’ You tell them, leaning in conspiratorially. They lean in, too, eyes twinkling. ‘ I get to see a side of him that no one else does. Kind of like having a secret identity.’
They run off, claiming to their mother that Tsukki’s a superhero. Or a spy. They can’t decide.
Tsukki takes you home soon after, intertwining his fingers with yours and running his lips back and forth over your knuckles absentmindedly while he drives. When you get home, you change into sweats and take all your makeup off, realizing only then that Tsukki looks at you the same way even while you stand there in old, ratty clothes and mascara smeared under your eyes.
He just watches you, his eyes flicking away but always coming back, a small smile tugging at his lips.
“What’s with you, tonight, huh?” You finally say, curled up against his side. There’s some trashy movie on, but you can’t bring yourself to focus – not with him sliding his fingertips across the strip of skin that peeks out from under your shirt, over and over again until you start to shiver with each pass.
“Nothing,” He says, glancing down at you and then back at the TV. “Just… I dunno, it’s Christmas.”
You smile up at him, your eyes twinkling. “You’ve never been one for Christmas spirit , Kei.”
“Well, maybe I am now.” He rolls his eyes. “It’s nice to just spend it with you and do nothing else.”
“We spend every Christmas together,” You argue, smiling wider when he just squeezes you.
“‘s different,” He mumbles. You give up on bullying him, your heart warming and your skin prickling with happiness. It is different. Things are different. Every moment with him feels realer than the last, like you could do anything with him because you know it’ll be okay.
You look up at him, examining the way his lips start to tug up when he senses you watching him. Finally, his eyes drop to yours, honey-golden and warm, and you lean up to kiss him.
You barely manage to brush your lips to his when his phone rings in his pocket.
He leans back but keeps his eyes on your mouth while he extracts his phone, not looking at the Caller ID before lifting it to his ear.
“Hello?” He watches your mouth still, distracted.
And then he blinks, eyebrows furrowing as he looks away.
“Okay..?” He says, retracting his arm from your waist and standing slowly. Your heart starts to drop as you watch him pace the space between the couch and your bed. Who is he talking to? Is something wrong?
“Okay,” Tsukki says, blinking rapidly. “Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” He sighs. “Yeah. That’s-Thank you.”
And then he hangs up, and you watch him stare down at his phone, eyes wide with disbelief.
“Tsukki…?” You whisper after a moment, officially worried. When he looks at you, though, you see it.
The relief in his eyes.
“They’re signing me.” He stares. You stare back. And then his mouth breaks in a smile, and he looks you over. “They’re signing me, Y/n. They’re throwing an event on New Year’s Eve.”
“What?!” You jump over the back of the couch, launching yourself at him. He hoists you up and laughs, that beautiful, bright laugh that you can’t live without now. “Tsukki!” You wrap your legs around his waist, burying your face in his neck and squealing.
“Holy shit,” He breathes, laughing in disbelief. “Holy shit, we did it.” And then, when you lift your head to smile down at him, he uses one hand to grab the back of your head and drag you in for a kiss. “ Fuck, we did it. You did that ,” He mumbles against you. “ Thank you. ”
You shake your head, dropping your legs and kissing him while he sets you down. “ You did that, Tsukki,” You say, turning and heading into the kitchen. “You’re amazing, you know that?” You search through cabinets, extracting two bottles of wine. You brandish them at him with a grin. “We have to celebrate!”
He looks between the two bottles, chewing on his bottom lip, but you see the smile peek through after a second. “Yeah… Yeah, I’d say both bottles are necessary.”
“To celebrate. Properly,” You justify.
His grin is wide now. “Properly.”
–
Celebrating properly ends up – somehow, some way – involving Tsukki’s lips on your throat and his fingers tangled in your hair. He smells like wine, and your head is swimming from him and the alcohol.
You’re laid back on the couch, hair fanning out around you and legs wrapped around him. He’s got his other hand on your waist, inching higher and higher every few seconds and taking your shirt with it.
“ Tsukki ,” You whisper, your fingers locked in his hair and your back arched until your chest presses to his. “ Please. ”
He groans against your throat. “ We can’t ,” He slurs, shaking his head. “‘r not ready-”
You whine, using your grip on his hair to pull his head back up. You kiss him heatedly, moaning when your shirt bunches up around your breasts, his fingers stalling there but sliding hesitantly under the hem.
“Doesn’t have to be-” Your breath stutters, because his hips are moving unconsciously against yours, and you can feel how hard he is. “Doesn’t have to be everything-”
He seems to like that answer, his kiss growing rushed. “Really? You sure?”
“Yeah-yes-” You nod furiously. “Please. Please. ”
He sighs roughly, pulling away from you and sitting up. You barely have time to breathe before you’re being lifted through the air and dragged into his lap. You gasp, your head spinning, as he turns you quickly in place. Your back slams against his chest, and his mouth drops to the junction of your throat.
You reach up, carding your fingers through his hair. “Tsukki,” You sigh, feeling his heart beating against your back. He slides his arms around your waist.
“You’re sure?” He asks again, his voice low and humming through your skin. You nod, eyes half-closed and staring blankly at the movie that’d you’d lost track of a long time ago. You sigh in relief and close your eyes when he pushes his lips against your throat, the scene in front of you lost as you breathe him in.
With your eyes shut, you feel him more intensely. The warmth of his lips on your skin, the way his hands start to slide across your sides, your t-shirt falling over his wrists. He stops just below your breasts, nipping his teeth on your throat to get your attention.
“ Last chance ,” He whispers.
You arch your back, grinding your ass subtly back into him. You feel his cock twitch against it, and he bites down harder on your shoulder.
“Was that your answer?” He breathes, his hands growing more certain on your skin.
“ God , Kei,” You laugh. “Do something before I do.”
You feel him smile before anything else.
He slides one hand back down around your waist, using his arm to anchor you to him. His other hand slides up, and you gasp, feeling his palm cup your breast.
“ Oh -” You arch your back again, your head falling back against his shoulder. You’d noticed how big his hands are over the months together, but you’d never really realized .
He keeps you flush to him while his fingers roam eagerly over your chest, the pads of his fingertips rough and calloused from volleyball. He kneads one breast, his palm as searing hot as the kisses he trails along your throat, and then he switches to the other. His fingers tweak and pluck at your nipples, teeth blunt on your shoulder and his other arm holding you tight as you start to wriggle and moan.
You dig your hands into his thighs, the fabric of his sweats balled up in your fists. Your head swims, face warm and skin sweaty, and you loll your head back and forth on his shoulder. “Tsukki, please,” You moan, unconsciously spreading your thighs and pushing them against his. He notices, the hand on your waist squeezing once.
“Want more, princess?”
“Please, fuck-” You want to growl when he takes his hands off of you, but the brief disappointment is replaced with a distinct thumping of your heart when he hooks both hands under your knees and pries your thighs open, hanging your legs over the sides of his knees. You feel briefly vulnerable sitting like this, but he just slides his hand back under your shirt and continues to play with you.
“Comfortable?” He asks, his other hand toying with the waistband of your pants. You nod, your breathing growing heavy when his thumb slips under the band. “You sure?”
“Tsukishima, I swear-” You gasp, feeling him tug hard on your nipple. He snickers against your shoulder, whispering ‘ so easy ’ into your skin as he pushes his other hand past the band of your sweats. He doesn’t bother stopping there, fingertips slipping past your panties and finally pausing right over where you need him.
“ Mm- ” You purse your lips hard to keep from moaning too loud. But your head fills with static and your stomach flips over itself again and again while he swipes teasing circles over your clit.
“C’mon, princess,” He breathes smugly into your ear, but you hear him swallow hard as his fingers dip lower and slide through your folds. “You’re not gonna let me hear you? After everything?”
His fingertips are hot against you, and you become suddenly aware of how much larger his fingers are than yours. You feel — horrified, truly — as you become wetter against his hand. Tsukki’s smile is wide against the shell of your ear.
“What happened, baby?” He whispers, nudging the tip of his middle finger against your entrance. “If there’s something you want, you gotta ask for it.”
You just lift your hands to your face, hiding. Tsukki lifts his own hand away from you before coming down quickly, the slap sharp against your core. You yelp, hands flying to hold onto his arms and face burning as he soothes the pain by running his fingers through your folds. There’s a soft squelch that echoes in the room and makes him chuckle low against your head.
“ I think your pretty little pussy likes me, princess ,” He whispers, the hand on your chest sliding up through the collar of your shirt and resting on the base of your throat. “ Better ask fast, before I lose interest. ”
You whine, your heart pounding against his hand. “Please, Tsukki…”
“Yeah?”
You tighten your hold on his arms, nervous. “Please finger me?”
“Aw,” He coos, laughing gently as he swipes more circles over your clit, still gentle. “That’s so sweet, baby. But you can do better.”
“What?” You whine, turning your head and burying your face in his neck. Your throat pushes further into his hand, and you feel yourself get impossibly wetter when he tightens his grip.
“You can ask better than that,” He mumbles, and you feel his cock twitch against your back when you clench, his fingers sliding patiently back and forth.
“Uhm-” You shudder, because he’s switched to flicking his fingertips against your clit. “I-”
“ Come on, Y/n, ” He whispers against your head. He starts to tap his fingers, one and then the other. “ I’ll stop if you don’t ask soon.”
Your heart wrenches in your chest, and you shake your head. “Please don’t-”
“Then ask me-”
“I did- ”
“ Ask me, Y/n- ”
“ Please , Tsukki!” You yell, squeezing your eyes shut and trying not to think about how your voice bounces on the walls. “I need you to stuff your fingers in my cunt and fuck me before I lose my fucking mind -”
He groans loudly, drowning you out, but your voice cuts short anyway, because he’s sliding his middle two fingers down and pushing them roughly into you.
“Oh, my- Tsukki- ” You gasp, his name ripped from your throat.
“ Fuck- ” He groans, sliding his fingers out and slamming them back into you. “ Y/n- ”
You purse your lips to muffle yourself, wriggling and arching your back, your throat pressing into his hand. “Tsukki, fuck.”
“God, you’re so pretty, baby,” He whispers, his breathing rough and shallow. “You feel so good-” His chest heaves against your back, and your head fills with white noise, a ringing in your ears as you feel nothing except the way his fingers stretch you out, his palm slapping against your clit over and over again until you feel like your skin is on fire. “You’re doing so- so good with my fingers-“ He cuts off, moaning and pressing his face into your hair when you clench hard around his fingers. “ Fuck , Y/n-“
“Please,” You whimper, knowing how desperate you sound. “More, Tsukki, please-”
“Baby-“ He laughs, his voice strained. “I don’t know-”
“ Please , Tsukki. Please, I need you-“
He slams his hand into you, stopping long enough to take a deep breath. “Y/n, I don’t want you to do something you’re not ready f-”
“I’m ready!” You scream pathetically. “Please, I promise I’m ready, I need you so bad, Tsukki-”
“Y/n-”
You know it’s only been a week since that morning on your bed. You know that he’s worried that you’re not thinking straight. But you also know that it’s him, that it’s always been him. That, above all else, he’s the one you need. That there will never be anyone else.
You think you might be in love with him.
And if that’s the case, then you’re really not seeing any reason to keep waiting.
“Tsukishima Kei, I swear to fucking God – if you don’t fuck me, I will actually start sobbing.” Your voice is already starting to crack, and your chest is heaving in large gulps of air. He moans quietly in your ear, and you think he says something to the effect of ‘ Okay, baby. I got you’, but you can’t be sure. The ringing in your ears is too strong, worsened when he quickly slips his fingers out of you. You whine at the emptiness, the sound lost in the shuffle of Tsukki lifting you into his arms and standing from the couch.
He carries you to bed in two strides, lying you down much more gently than you’d expected. Climbing over you, he slides his shirt off and drops it to the floor in one smooth motion. Your heart jumps, and you eagerly sit up to do the same, barely catching the way his eyes widen as he takes you in. And then you lie back, clutching the sheets in both hands to fight the urge you have to cover your chest. But it seems like he might be enjoying what he’s seeing, because he just hooks his fingers distractedly into your sweats and panties, his eyes roaming your body. He pulls them both off and sends them somewhere off the edge of the bed without looking.
“Shit,” He whispers, more to himself than anything. You shiver under his gaze, gathering the courage to let your thighs fall open. Cold air hits your skin, but you barely have time to whimper before his eyes are dropping. They go wide, and you watch all the air leave his lungs as he stares down at you. “ Shit ,” He says again, even quieter.
“Coming?” You breathe, reaching one hand along the sheet for him. His gaze flies to yours, golden eyes still stunned but recovering the moment he sees you looking up at him. Wordlessly, he drops down over you, his lips finding yours in a rush of heat and everything he’s not saying right now. You sigh against his mouth, holding his face and spreading your thighs further when you feel him reach down between you for his own pants. He pushes them down blindly and kicks them off into the distance, his mouth hot and his wine-laced tongue dancing along yours.
“Y/n,” He mumbles, and you tighten your hold on his face.
“If you ask me if I’m sure, I will finger myself in front of you and then kick you out.”
His laugh is the prettiest thing you’ve ever heard.
“Okay.” He nibbles on your lip and shifts his weight. You feel his cock brush along your thigh, precum smearing on your skin. “I hear you.”
You will admit that you’re nervous. As he pulls his lips from yours and glances down between you with purpose, the head of his cock bumping up against your entrance, you’re struck with anticipation and a little bit of fear that this might hurt a lot, especially considering his size. But then, as he’s using his thumb to push the tip in as slowly as possibly, his eyes flick up to meet yours.
And you remember just how sure you are.
So, even though it does hurt — the sting causing you to grip the sheet hard enough to rip it — Tsukki’s eyes are flicking back and forth between your face and your core, his brow furrowed in concentration, and you feel impossibly safe. Because he would never do anything that might hurt you.
You trust him.
“‘s this okay?” He grunts, sliding painstakingly slowly into you. You just nod, bottom lip caught between your teeth and eyes scrunched shut. He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours and forcing you to free your lip from its torture. “Y/n, if it hurts, we can stop. We don’t have to do this,” He whispers against you, but you only shake your head, whining.
“‘m okay, I promise. ‘s just new.” Your breath is shallow in your chest. “Maybe if I jus’…” You angle your hips up and spread your thighs just an inch wider, and you feel his sigh against your lips. The relief is instant for you, too, and your lungs fill with air. “Okay,” You breathe, prying your aching fingers from the sheets and stretching them. “Okay.”
“Okay,” He whispers back, his hand finding your thigh and his fingers splaying across the underside. He sighs, the sound a half-groan as he bottoms out inside of you. “Fuck.”
Your brow’s broken out in a sweat and your skin is flushed with heat, but when you open your eyes, Tsukki’s staring right back at you, gaze searching your face. You wonder what you look like, because you’re seeing awe in the way his eyes trace you.
“You okay?” His eyes track the embarrassed purse of your lips and the way you glance nervously down your body at the place where his hips meet yours.
“Are you?” You ask breathlessly, watching his arms shake as he holds himself over you.
“No,” He laughs. “This is torture.”
You beam up at him, your voice weak when you say, “You can move, Tsukki.” Your fingers find his shoulders, and he collapses onto his elbows, pressing his forehead to your chest.
“Really? I don’t want to hurt you-”
“Are you this careful with every girl? I’m starting to get a little offended-”
“ You’re not every girl ,” He says simply, muffled against your skin. Your stomach flips, and you accidentally clench around him. The sound he makes is inhuman. “ Was that necessary? ” He complains pitifully into your chest. You giggle wholeheartedly, and he shakes his head against you. “ Don’t do that either- ”
“Oh, my God, Tsukki – please just move ,” You laugh, snaking your arms around his neck and lifting his head toward you. He shifts, kissing you firmly and breathing a soft ‘ yes, ma’am ’ against your lips.
He starts slow, slow as before. His hips pull back carefully, and then he rocks forward on his knees, bumping gently up against you when he bottoms out again. The sting is still there, but he distracts you by kissing you, his lips eager on yours and his quiet moans breathless and lost in your throat. He circles your clit gently with his thumb while he does, and you start to shiver against him. Eventually, the sting subsides, and the only notice you give him is the stretch of your thighs and the shallow cant of your hips upward to meet his. His kiss falters for a moment, and the hand on your thigh tightens in surprise, but he doesn’t ask any more questions.
When he snaps his hips a little roughly, you know he’s gotten the message. You focus on breathing while he rocks his hips, pursing your lips to keep from moaning too loud. He’s breathless over you, and you’re secretly amazed to see him like this — brow furrowed and lips parted, eyes flicking between yours and then shutting briefly before finding you again. You’ve never seen his expression so unguarded before.
There’s a quiet sound that vibrates in his throat every time his hips meet yours, and you find yourself wanting to hear it properly. So you card your fingers through his hair and kiss him, whispering his name against his lips and rocking your hips up in time with his. You hear it then, clear and perfect.
“Oh- fuck- ” Tsukki groans loudly, his hand sliding urgently along the sheet in search of you. His fingers interlace with yours and latch on tight. “You feel so good-” He drops his head to your shoulder, lips hot on your throat. “God-” He laughs pathetically. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this much of a mess.”
“Tsukki,” You whisper, feeling something below your navel twist and tug. “Tsukki-I’m- mm-” You wriggle, arching your back and wrapping your legs around his waist. “Please-”
“Are you close, princess?” His voice is teasing, but you can see in the way he lifts his head, eyes searching your face frantically, that he’s eager. When you nod, his face melts into a kind of affection you’ve never seen from him before. He smiles, eyes flicking down to your mouth, and nods. “Okay, baby. Close your eyes.”
You whimper, doing as he says and immediately feeling him shift over you. His hand falls between you, fingers swiping ever so gently over your clit as his hips start to bump against yours with a little more force. You cry out, hearing the headboard slam against the wall over and over again.
“ Tsukki! ” You cant bring yourself to care anymore how loud you are, your breath coming too fast now and your reservations slipping the moment you hear him moan your name.
“You look so pretty, Y/n-so pretty like this.” He pants, his hips starting to stutter and his cock twitching inside you. The tugging in your navel worsens and peaks, and you moan his name again. He groans at the sound. “You take me so well- fuck . Feels like you were made for me.”
You gasp, feeling yourself being pulled to the edge. “Tsukki, I’m-” You shudder, fluttering around him, and he starts to breathe hard against your skin.
“Come on, baby. Let me feel you come around me.”
Your hands tighten on his hair, and you’re distantly aware of Tsukki pushing his lips to yours heatedly as you’re starting to scream. He swallows the sound, moaning as he spills into you, his hips faltering and then stopping against yours.
You stay that way for an unknown amount of time, your heart beating in your throat, ears, core, and everything else while you come down. Tsukki kisses you with languor, his teeth nipping softly on your bottom lip as he sighs against you. You swallow thickly, whispering his name after a moment.
“Hi,” He whispers back, slowly lifting his head. You scratch your nails on his scalp, and he blinks down at you sleepily. “You okay?”
You giggle. “Guess we’ll see in the morning.” His lips pull into a small smile, eyes tracing your features. You kiss him once, mumbling ‘ should we clean up? ’ against his lips.
He barks out a laugh, nodding. “Stay here.” He lifts off you slowly. “I’ll take care of you.”
You can’t find it in you to be shy about him seeing your body now, feeling all too safe and drifting quickly off to sleep, before he’s even back from the bathroom.
—
It’s still dark outside when you roll over, wincing as you stretch. You reach over for Tsukki, but your arm hits the bed instead. A noise of confusion leaves you, and you lift your head, blinking in the dark.
He’s sitting up in bed, the sheets pooled around his waist and his arms wrapped around his bent knees.
“Tsukki?” You mumble. He doesn’t seem to hear you, so you sit up, realizing with a quick glance that you’re wearing the t-shirt he’d had on before and your panties. He must have cleaned you up and dressed you. “Tsukki,” You try again, touching his arm.
He starts, turning to look back at you. “Oh. Hi.”
That’s all he says.
You pull your hand off of him, something unknown coming between you. “What’s wrong?”
He just swallows hard and shakes his head, scooting toward you. “Nothing.” He puts his hand on your shoulder and tries to guide you back down, but you brush him off.
“Tsukki.”
He stares. You stare back. He looks away and runs his fingers through his hair roughly.
“I don’t know if we should have done that,” is what he says. The words are whispered, but they echo in the silence.
You think you might throw up.
“What?”
“I just-“ He sighs, running a hand down his face. “Don’t get me wrong, okay-”
“Then don’t say something wrong, Tsukki.”
“Y/n, we were drunk-”
Oh.
You blink, scooting away from him slowly. You pull the blankets up to your chest, staring at nothing. He watches you, shaking his head.
“Y/n, just let me talk please. Don’t overdo this-”
“Don’t overdo this?” You ask, eyes wide as they land on him. “I just lost my virginity to you, and you can’t even wait two hours before trying to make your escape.”
“ No- “ He shakes his head, trying to move toward you, but you stick your foot out, stopping him. “Y/n, no. I’m just-I mean, we’re not even together-”
You flinch back at that. He sees it, and regret crosses his face. His mouth opens, but you cut him off.
“Were you dating every girl you’ve ever fucked?”
“No, but-“ He laughs. “You’re not every girl. You know that.”
“No, I thought that,” You say, finally standing from the bed and backing away toward the couch. “But you’re treating me like I’m trash that you haven’t figured out how to throw out yet!”
“No, I’m not!” He stands too, staying at the end of the bed. He seems to have realized you don’t want him near you. “I just wish we had done things right -”
“I thought they were right!” You snap. “That felt right to me, Tsukishima.”
“You know what i mean -”
“What do you want?” You throw your hands out. “What are you trying to gain from doing this? Tell me.”
“God, I’m just telling you what’s going through my head!” He tangles his fingers in his hair, tugging in frustration. “We aren’t together, and we were drunk, and I didn’t want this to be-” He shakes his head, and you get the feeling the rest of that sentence was important. But he’d stopped talking, which means he’s not willing to share it with you. So you just watch, refusing to push him for it, because you need to see what he does on his own.
“I’m just confused,” He finally mumbles. “I don’t know where to go from here. This wasn’t right.”
You stare, feeling tears prick at the back of your eyes. But you just start to laugh, even though your vision is getting blurry.
“You’re confused? ” Your laughter is shallow, pained. “You always told me to stop getting in my head about this — about us — and now you’re the one who’s confused ?!”
“We should have-”
“You told me to do whatever I feel is right-“ You snap. “-and now that I have, you’re confused ?”
“We didn’t talk about any of this!” He yells, shaking his head. “We said we wouldn’t have sex, so we never talked about what this would mean-”
“Yeah! I figured maybe that part could wait until after!” You scoff. “You know, we could have just talked about what comes next in the morning , but you decided to be confused and overthink and ruin this.”
He looks like he wants to argue, his face pinched with stress, but you just rub at your brow, breathing hard. You feel sick.
“This is why I wanted rules,” You mumble. “I knew this would happen.”
He’s quiet for a moment, and then-
“You knew what would happen? That I would fuck this up?”
You meet his eyes, angry. “That you wouldn’t be able to find a way to let me down easy. That you would let me fall for you, knowing you were just going to cut me off at the end.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not what I was doing.”
“No?” You point at the bed. “But you were so quick to think of how cut me loose.”
His brow furrows in irritation. “ Why do you always think the worst of me?”
“Because you couldn’t even wait one night!” You scream. “You couldn’t just be happy with me !”
He steps toward you, and you see in the moonlight that his walls have gone up. “I was not trying to cut you loose. And I have never lied to you . But you’ve always been so fucking resistant to the idea that I could ever be telling the truth.” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, already turning away from you. “God forbid I tell you what’s on my mind and you actually take me seriously.” He meets your eyes evenly. “Maybe it’s you who’s looking for a way out.”
The silence in the room is suffocating.
“Get out,” You finally say.
The door slams before you have time to process that he’s gone.
The tears finally spill, and your knees hit the floor just as the wailing starts.
—
Kei throws the front door shut so hard that something falls off the wall in his foyer. He’s not sure what it is, but he’s tempted to start breaking more things. Thankfully, it’s late enough that no paparazzi were outside when he’d gotten here, or else it might have been someone’s camera on the ground again. Great way to celebrate his contract signing.
Yamaguchi wouldn’t appreciate coming home to a destroyed house, though, so he settles for stomping up the stairs hard enough that one of them creaks in a funny way when he lands on it. He slams the door to his room, too, and then he throws himself down on his bed and screams into his pillow.
He hadn’t meant to say it like that. He doesn’t know why he said it like that. He hadn’t meant to make it sound like a mistake. How could any of tonight have been a mistake with you? He just wishes he’d told you how he feels about you before things had gotten out of hand. He wishes you would have known how he feels about you while you were trusting him with your body like that.
Because then, maybe, you would have known while you were taking your shirt off that you were safe. You would have known, while you were in pain for those few minutes, that he would never hurt you. That he was trying his best, that you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, that you would never have to pressure yourself to have sex because he would have been okay with stopping at any time.
He wishes he would have told you he loves you.
Maybe then you would have known.
But instead, you’d looked at him with betrayal in your eyes when he’d been stupid enough to stumble over his words. You’d taken him for all the things he’s always been, but never with you. You’d trusted him with everything, and then you’d closed yourself off in an instant, and he’d gotten frustrated because you wouldn’t hear him out.
But how could he expect you to hear him out? How could he get mad that you’d retreated into your shell and locked him out? You’d only let him in for a minute, and he’d ruined it.
He’s ruined this.
Kei doesn’t remember the last time he cried, but he makes up for it now, his pillow soaked with tears by the time he finally drifts off to sleep.
—
You spend the next day in bed, sobbing into Kiyoko’s shirt and ignoring the missed calls from Tsukki. And there are a lot of them. He calls back to back for an hour straight — Kiyoko finally has enough and answers for you, muttering ‘ the next time I see you, I’m going to curb stomp you until your teeth are gone ’ before silencing your phone and tossing it somewhere on the couch.
You fall asleep sometime before the sun sets, Kiyoko’s fingers combing through your hair soothingly. You stir a few hours later and think you hear Kyoutani’s voice, soft and deep as he mumbles ‘ he wasn’t at practice today ’ and paces your floor quietly. You fall asleep again, your traitorous heart twitching as it realizes that Tsukki might not be okay, either.
The morning of the 27th, your eyes crack open, swollen and burning, to a knock at your door. You roll over, staring emptily at it, and then you climb out of bed, thinking it’s Kiyoko, and trudge to the door.
It’s not Kiyoko.
In his defense, his eyes are as red and swollen as yours feel.
“Hi,” He croaks. You flinch at the sound of his voice.
“What do you want?” You whisper. He’s holding a plastic bag from the store, and he holds it out weakly to you now.
“I didn’t get to-” He swallows. “I should have taken care of you. After. I didn’t.”
No. You didn’t.
You take the bag, peering inside. Some snacks, a pack of muscle patches, a couple electrolyte-replenishing drinks.
A box of Plan B, sitting at the bottom.
You stare at it emptily. “Who saw you buy this?” The last thing you need is the internet witnessing your heartbreak in real time.
“Management took care of it.”
You’re not sure you’re okay with them being involved, but it’s better than Tsukishima Kei being caught buying Plan B.
You shut the bag, shoving it back at him. “Well, you can thank them for me, but I’ve actually been on birth control for years.” He blinks, taking it while staring dumbly down at you. You smile, your anger manifesting as cruelty. “So don’t worry about it, Tsukishima.” He doesn’t look so happy to hear his name used that way anymore. “I never intended to get pregnant and trap you in a loveless marriage for your fame and fortune.”
His eyebrows furrow, and his frown cuts deep. “Y/n-”
You slam the door in his face.
—
Kei doesn’t speak to you again until New Year’s Eve — until you literally have to speak to him, because he needs to text you about his contract signing.
His fingers shake while he sends it, letting you know that he’d be arriving to your place in a limo booked by the Frogs at 6pm, and then he sends you a picture of his ties, in case you want to match. You don’t respond, so he just picks the black one.
He’s terrified that you’ll decide not to go. Terrified.
But even when you send him a thumbs up (still not responding about the ties), he doesn’t feel less terrified. He just sits at the edge of his bed and stares down at his phone, his heart ripping in his chest as he scrolls through your previous messages from the last few months. All of that — all of your excited texts and flirty memes, all of his thinly veiled affection. All siphoned down to nothing in a matter of days.
He gets ready with trembling fingers, his eyes pricking with tears and then drying up as he shakes his head and blinks away every regret he’s ever had. He sits in the limo in anxious silence, watching it pull into your apartment, the lights flashing on the cameras outside.
And then he wipes his eyes and draws his shoulders back, because, while the world inside has been falling apart under his fingertips, the world outside has been going crazy over the news of Tsukishima Kei going pro.
He exits the limo and bows to a few reporters, waving politely as he waits for you. He doesn’t answer any questions, mostly because he doesn’t want anyone to get too close and see that he’s not okay. But then you come out of your apartment in a black ball gown that makes his heart wrench, and he has to fight tears again.
You smile wide at him, your eyes crinkling and your face glowing as you walk down the steps to meet him.
“You that stunned to see me?” You ask, loud enough to be heard by the paparazzi. They laugh, and you laugh with them as you step up to him. Then you lift onto your tiptoes and press your lips to his in greeting, and he has to remember to close his eyes and act like everything’s fine, even though the feeling your lips on his makes him want to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness.
You pull away and turn to the cameras, waving quickly before ducking through the door he’s holding open. He waves, too, and follows you, the camera shutters loud behind him.
The inside of the limo is dead silent.
You sit on the other side of the car, staring out the window as the driver pulls out to the street. Any evidence that you’d just smiled at him like he’s your world is gone. Kei just looks at you, every nerve in his body fighting to find something to say.
Finally, after five torturous minutes, he swallows. “Y/n.”
“Don’t.” You don’t bother meeting his eyes when you speak. “Let’s just get through this. In the morning, we can ask Management how to break up without making you look bad.”
His heart drops to the ground. “I don’t want to break up.”
You meet his eyes now. “I do.”
“No, you don’t.” He refuses to believe this.
“How would you know?”
He doesn’t. He doesn’t know. That’s why this terrifies him.
“We’re not breaking up,” He croaks finally.
You turn back to the window. “Let’s just get through this.”
The ride to the Frogs’ gym is filled with a silence that certainly feels like he’s been dumped.
—
“-ations to Tsukishima Kei for this amazing step into professional volleyball, and we welcome him with open arms to what’s certain to be a long and fruitful career.”
Kei stands from his seat in the audience, shaking his coach’s hand firmly and bowing at the waist. The Frogs have opened the doors of their in-house conference venue – which is just a large ballroom – the back half filled with round tables and the front lined with a couple rows of chairs for the reporters. The room is capped on the far end by a podium, where his coach has just finished speaking, and a long table. There’s a chair labeled with his name there, in the center of the table, and there’s a stack of papers for him to sign.
He moves there now, glancing up at the front row and finding you staring back. Your face is masked into a perfect smile, and your expression is filled with love and support as you watch him take a seat at a table filled with his coach, manager, captain, and a brand sponsor.
But then you meet his eyes, and he can see how empty they are.
He looks down at his papers, adjusting his tie nervously. The camera flashes are making him warm, and he can’t really hear what’s being said, so he follows his coach’s lead and turns pages when necessary and signs on dotted lines, again and again and again. He’s already read the terms of his employment — they’d emailed him the hundred-page document three days ago so that he could read it and negotiate benefits before the day of the signing. That’s the only reason he’s not more nervous about this moment. He just has to flip pages and sign whatever his coach points to.
The whole process only takes five minutes, cameras flashing away over his bent head. Before he knows it, he’s standing and shaking his coach’s hand again, and then he’s being hugged by his manager and captain and taking a photo with his brand sponsor.
And then he looks at you, still sitting in the front row as reporters start to stand and approach him.
It’s almost worse that your eyes are filled with genuine warmth this time.
He answers a couple questions, but his eyes keep flicking back to you distractedly, and finally a voice speaks from the back – feminine and familiar and belonging to a reporter donning the Sendai Sports lanyard.
“I think maybe Tsukishima would enjoy a moment alone with his girlfriend — We could move to the reception tables and continue our conversations there, perhaps?”
Kei grabs his manager by the sleeve as the crowd is clearing and asks if it’s possible for the Frogs to hire Nariko as his PR rep. His manager looks up at him with surprise and says he’ll speak with her.
When Kei turns again, you’re there. His heart jumps, and he slips his arm around your waist by habit, trying not to react visibly when you tense against him.
“You asked to hire Nariko?” You say, setting a careful hand on his bicep. “That would set her up for life.”
“I know,” is all he says. Your eyes flicker with appreciation, and you step close to wrap your arms around his neck. He hugs you as tight as he can without making it obvious that he hasn’t seen you in days.
“Congratulations,” You whisper in his ear. “I’m proud of you.”
A lump grows in his throat. “Thanks.” You dont respond, and he squeezes you, because he can feel you slipping away. “I’m sorry,” He breathes.
“I can’t,” You say, stepping away. “It’s too late-”
“It’s not .” He’s starting to get desperate, the thought of you closing off to him forever pure torture. “It’s not too late-”
“Stop brushing off what I said.” Your brow furrows with annoyance, and his frustration bubbles for a moment too long.
“Why? You do it all the time.” He dips his head quickly so that the cameras don’t see the tension in his face, and he’s thankful your back is to them, because you’re outright frowning now.
“Let’s just get through this.”
“Would you please stop saying that?”
You sigh quietly, stepping close and running your hands over his shoulders in a way that appears affectionate to anyone watching. “Fix your face, Kei. I don’t want to talk about this now. Let’s just enjoy the evening, because you deserve to be appreciated for everything you’ve put into this.”
He’s amazed at your ability to think of him, even now.
“You put so much into this, too,” He whispers. You just smile bitterly.
“Yeah. And look where that got me.”
He watches you paint a loving smile on your face as you take his hand and lead him toward the reception table occupied by his teammates and Management. He does his best to pretend, even though he feels like he’s losing a piece of his soul.
—
You lean forward on the counter, staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror.
It’s amazing that you’ve been able to keep it together all night. You’ve clung to his arm and followed him around the room, talking to his teammates, to Management, to any reporters who had questions for you. You’ve spoken with a smile and a laugh and a twinkle in your eye, and you’ve done your best to hide how much it hurts to be close to him.
To the smell of him, clean and warm and filled with home . To the feel of him, secure and safe as he holds your waist and kisses your cheek appropriately. To the sight of him, perfect and golden and made of everything you’d fallen in love with.
It makes you sick, looking yourself in the eye and knowing you’d been lying the whole night. Especially with Kyoutani watching you like a hawk, eyes full of blatant concern. And with various members of Management quietly asking if you’re feeling okay, if there’s ‘ anything else ’ you need.
You shake it off, drying your hands and fixing your hair with a quiet sigh. Only a little more, and you can retreat to your dark cave of wallowing.
Straightening your back, you smile at yourself in the mirror and turn, leaving the bathroom and making your way down the hallway back to the reception room.
You hear him before you see him.
“ -the fuck did you say to me? ”
No. No way. He wouldnt.
There’s nervous laughter that follows, and you speed up to get to him before he says something else.
“ I’m just saying- ” You don’t know the voice well, but you think it belongs to one of the only super young reporters at the event today. “ -now that you’re officially pro, you might consider transitioning into a relationship that’s a bit more…. suited to your new lifestyle. ”
You stop short, just shy of the corner.
“Someone a bit more pleasing to the public, if you will,” The man finishes, and you stare down at nothing. You struggle to recover, too many wounds opened too soon, one after another. But you know Tsukki can’t pick a fight, not here. So you lift your head and resume your trudge to the end of the hall, only to find Nariko staring back at you.
She looks angry, and her eyes flick away from yours to stomp just out of view. Just as Tsukki’s starting to respond.
“Would the public find it pleasing if I were to beat your ass for talking about my girlfri-”
“Tsukishima,” Nariko cuts in. “It’s great to get some one-on-one time with you.” You hear the other reporter gasp and stumble, and you’re guessing Nariko’s pushed him out of the way.
Tsukki sighs at her. “Thanks for th-”
He suddenly appears in your eyeline, stumbling back a few feet, and you realize that she’s pushed him, too. You’re a bit impressed.
He looks affronted for a moment, but then your presence catches his eye, and he turns to you with wide eyes.
“Y/n-”
“As your new PR rep, Tsukishima-” Nariko says, stepping around the corner to face the both of you and create a bit of privacy. She winks at you when she calls herself by that title. “-I’d recommend not getting into a fight at a contract signing that only happened because you stopped getting into fights.”
Tsukki has the decency to look ashamed, and you nearly hug Nariko. But she just looks between you before glancing over her shoulder.
“You know… No one will notice if you’re gone for ten minutes.”
You don’t wait for any other signal, only wrapping a hand around Tsukki’s wrist and dragging him all the way down the hall to a storage closet. You throw him in and slam the door, whirling on him.
“Are you fucking insane?”
He points out the door, jaw slack in shock. “You heard what he said to me!”
“Are you lacking self-control in every way?!” You throw your hands out. “This is your day , and you come that close to ruining it?”
His jaw clenches and unclenches as he stares at you, his eyes flicking between yours. “I won’t let people talk to me like that. Not about you.”
You stare back. “I won’t let you put everything on the line for me. You can’t ruin your own life for something stupid-”
“This isn’t stupid !” He explodes. “Everything before you was stupid!” He starts to pace. “I had a shit temper, and it was easy to bait me into a fight, and I would end up in the tabloids for the dumbest shit . And you helped me! You fixed me, just like I asked you to! I’m not the same guy I was before, Y/n. But this -” He points out the door. “ You ? I can’t do it.”
You breathe hard, shaking your head. “Then let’s end this.” When his eyes only widen, you swallow. “Let’s end this now. If I’m this much of a weakness for you, let’s make them stop talking about me. We got what you needed – I fixed you, like I said I would. Your contract’s secured. You can go back to dating girls that all look the same, and we can take some time apart so I can get over you, and-” You’d started to pull the door open, but Tsukki crosses the room in two strides and slams it shut again, his hand flat on the wood.
“Y/n.” His eyes are sharp, but you can see the fear in them. “I need you to stop running from me.”
“Then stop making me run.” You reach for the door again, but he won’t budge. You stamp your foot in frustration. “Tsukki! I’m doing everything I can to preserve this friendship, but I can’t keep doing this !”
“You’re not doing everything! All you have to do is fucking listen to me -”
You back away from him into the room, shaking your head. “Why, Tsukki? So I can listen to you tell me that night was a mistake? That you ‘ never meant for it to get that far ’, that you ‘ wish things had been different ’? Well, so do I!” You yell. “I wish things had been different, too! I wish I would have known what you would do to me, so that I wouldn’t be stupid enough to go fall in love with someone who doesn’t love me back- ”
“ I do love you back!” He yells, strong and loud and full of anger. Your head snaps up, eyes finding his. His gaze is furious and hurt, and you can’t say you’ve ever seen him look at you like that before. It makes your heart ache and your chest tighten, the way his lip wobbles once before he clenches his jaw and fixes it.
“...What?” You finally say, your breath caught in your throat.
“I love you back. You stupid fucking girl.” He sounds tired. Exhausted, really.
You stare. “That was rude,” You whisper weakly. He just laughs, but it sounds like he’s near tears. He hasn’t sounded like that since high school, since that fight on your doorstep.
“Sorry, but that’s what you get with me.” He reaches for the doorknob, opening it an inch. “So now’s your time to back out.”
You stay right where you are. “Or what?”
The silence that follows seems to go on forever.
His eyes search yours, and the sliver of hope you see kills you. “What?”
“Or what, Tsukki? What do I get if I stay?”
He stares, unmoving. “You get me.”
You think you might cry.
You move to the door, watching the fight leave his eyes when he realizes you’re leaving. But you just put your hand on the door, nudging it shut. It clicks, and he stares down at you, confused.
“How long?” You ask.
His eyes flick between yours a moment as he processes your question. “I think it’s probably telling that I wanted you to be my fake girlfriend at all, Y/n.”
You blink, realization hitting you. “Did you know? This whole time?”
“No,” He laughs pathetically. “And Yamaguchi’s never going to let me live it down.”
“Why did you call that night a mistake?” You need to know, even if you’re not sure you want to hear the reason. It’s been killing you.
“I didn’t-” He sighs, rubbing at his brow. “I didn’t say it was a mistake. I said I wish I had done it right.” He meets your eyes, his own so close and golden and honest. You’d missed them. “I wanted to tell you I loved you first. Because I didn’t want you to worry that it was just a hookup.”
You hadn’t realized that his answer would drain you of all your energy. You slump, letting out an exhausted sigh. “And you couldn’t just say that?”
“Well, you couldn’t just listen .” He rolls his eyes, and you see a twinge of irritation in his brow. You laugh softly, and it worsens. “You think that’s funny, huh?” He says, staring down at you. “This could have all been avoided if you’d just heard me out, but you like to act insane.”
“And you like to say the worst things at the worst times!” You argue, half-laughing and half-angry. “Why couldn’t you wait until the morning? Why did I have to wake up and find you contemplating your whole life in the dark?”
“Because I felt guilty!” He snaps, and you’re taken aback, a little offended. He’d felt guilty for sleeping with you? “Because I was terrified I had ruined your first time by not doing it right and making this official between us beforehand. I hadn’t wanted you to be self-conscious the first time.”
You find it in you to be a little appreciative of that. That he had wanted you to know how sure he was, that you were safe with him no matter what.
And also-” He rolls his eyes. “Not for nothing, but we were drunk, and I couldn’t tell if I was too rough, and I really hadn’t wanted to hurt you -”
It seems your moment of appreciation is over.
“ Why do you keep treating me like I’m fragile?” You bite. “You kept asking, over and over again, if I was okay. If I was sure I wanted to keep going. You were so careful with me, Tsukki – Get over yourself! I’m not going to break!”
He just stares. You realize what you’ve said. You remember who you’re talking to.
“Not gonna break, huh?” He mumbles, eyes flicking down to your lips. He seems like he wants to say something else, but he holds back.
You don’t.
“Yeah. Want me to prove it?”
You watch in real time as his eyes fill with understanding.
“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” He says, eyes flicking between yours. You start to argue, because he’s doing it again , but he cuts you short. “With me? So soon?”
Oh.
He must not realize how badly you’ve missed him. How much it’s hitting you, now that you understand what had gone wrong between you. That you’d been stupid. That he’d been stupid.
Would it be wrong to rile him up? Probably.
“Why, Tsukki? You got a lot to take out on me?” His eyes flicker dangerously, and you take a single step closer, craning your neck back to look at him. “You got your work cut out for you. Apparently, I’m not good at listening.”
His resolve goes out the window, and he dips his head low, lips brushing yours. Your soul aches for him.
“ I can make you good at listening. ”
You smile. “ Well, you’re not gonna do it by being gentle. ”
He drags you out the door before you can even process that it’s been opened. He pulls you down the hall toward the back entrance of the conference venue, and you laugh, glancing back toward the main room.
“People are gonna notice that you’re gone, Tsukki-”
“I’ll make it up to them.” He hauls you outside, all but carrying you down the steps to the limo. There are no reporters out here, probably because they’re all inside, so it’s no issue for him to quite literally toss you into the back of the limo with reckless abandon. Your hands find him before he’s got the door all the way closed.
And then his mouth is on yours, and you feel all the things that had fallen out of place finally align again. His lips are warm and urgent, and your fingers are tight in his hair. He knocks blindly on the window separating the back from the driver’s side of the limo, and the car starts to move just as he’s pushing you down on the seat. You topple back, and Tsukki climbs over you, his mouth attaching to your throat.
“ Tsukki ,” You breathe, relief filling your lungs. He groans quietly, hands sliding your dress up your legs and over your thighs.
“ Fuck, I missed you ,” He mumbles into your skin. “This is real, right? Not a dream?”
You giggle, your chest pressing up into his, and you feel him smile wide against you. “You saying this isn’t a dream come true, Tsukishima? I can leave, if you want-”
“God, I can’t wait to fuck that attitude out of you,” He says, spreading your thighs and slotting himself between them. “How has your mouth not gotten you in trouble yet?”
“I’ve been waiting for you to do something about it,” You say, shrugging. “Might be too late, now. I’m getting pretty good at it.”
“Don’t complain when I break you,” He whispers before biting down hard on your shoulder. You moan loudly, slapping a hand over your mouth in embarrassment because the driver of this limo does not need to hear that. Tsukki laughs against you.
“You asked me not to be gentle. Are you regretting it?”
You shake your head furiously. Your stomach flips over and over on itself, and there’s that warm buzzing filling your skin that you’ve come to associate with him.
“No?” He whispers. “You like it?”
“ Mm- “ You wriggle under him, your dress sliding up as you push yourself against him. “Yeah-yes. Mhm .”
His hold on your hips tightens. “Lucky me,” He responds, a little breathless. He uses his grip to drag you down the leather seat a little more, forcing your thighs open so he can press his hips against you. You moan quietly in his ear, feeling him against your core, already half-hard.
“Need you, Tsukki.”
“Yeah? Am I supposed to give it to you just because of that?”
You get the feeling this night won’t be easy on your pride, but that’s okay. You think you might be desperate enough by the time you get home.
“I suppose that wouldn’t be fair,” You whisper, and he snickers against your skin.
“No, I don’t think it would. You’ve got a lot to make up to me.”
“How do you want me to make it up to you?”
“Patience, sweetheart,” He murmurs. “I don’t plan to do anything until I have you in my bed.”
You whine, but you can also feel the limo starting to make the slow turn into Tsukki’s driveway. He sits you up, watching you fix your dress and smiling when your cheeks flush at the state of yourself. Your skin is hot, and your thighs tremble a little, and your hair’s come undone. And yet, Tsukki looks perfectly put together.
You hide behind your hair as he helps you out of the limo and walks you to the door. Lights flash behind you, and you hear one of the reporters mumble ‘ I didn’t realize the event ended ’ to the person beside him. Tsukki starts laughing the moment his front door closes, and you groan loudly while trudging toward the stairs.
“They’re gonna know , Tsukki.”
“You embarrassed?”
“Yes! Of course I am-” Before you can turn to him, you’re air-lifted over his shoulder. You start to scream, flailing while he takes the stairs to his room.
“Good. Then I want them to know.” He sets you on your feet by his bed, and you huff, fixing your dress.
You look around while he closes the door. You haven’t been here in ages, all of your time with him spent at your place. You turn slowly, taking in the familiar sight of his room. It’s so different being here, after all this time.
You’re so distracted by his room that you aren’t prepared for the fingers he puts on your forearm or the way he spins you toward him.
You’re equally unprepared for the hand he plants on your shoulder before shoving you hard. You yelp, falling flat on your back and bouncing on his mattress. By the time you find his eyes, he’s standing over you, loosening his tie.
His eyes are cold. “What do you want to apologize for first?”
“What?” You say dumbly, watching the tie come loose. His jacket goes next, and then his white dress-shirt.
“Which one, Y/n? Listening to too many people on the internet? Not believing me when I’d flirt with you?” He leans over you, his hands flat on the bed on either side of you. “Or not hearing me out that night? Causing this whole mess.”
“I didn’t cause that alone,” You argue, and his eyebrows lift with humor.
“You’re still talking back?” He stands, reaching for the button on his pants. “Guess we’ll start here then.”
“Gonna put my mouth to use?” You joke, but there’s a rush of heat that, funnily enough, soaks your panties right through. You stare down at his hands, watching the zipper slide down and feeling your mouth water a little bit.
“You ever done this before?” He mumbles, eyes trailing down your body hungrily as he hooks a thumb into the waistband of his boxers. You nod quickly, but he just raises a brow and lifts his other hand, still holding the black tie. “Like this?”
You stare, your heart thumping with excitement. “No,” You breathe. “Can’t say I have.”
He smirks down at you, beckoning you to him with two fingers. “On your knees.”
You scramble to kick your heels off and get into position at the end of the mattress. He stands over you and holds one hand out, looking down at you in amusement when you put both wrists in his hand.
“You’re a bit eager.” When you nod, he just drops your wrists.
Your heart drops a little. “Wha-” You gasp, because he’s sliding the tie over your eyes and knotting it in the back, whispering ‘ So close, sweetheart ’ in your ear. You moan, your thighs sliding open on the bed.
“Pinch me if something doesn’t feel right,” He murmurs distractedly, and you hear the shuffle of his pants on his skin. “ Hard, Y/n. You hear me?”
“ Mhm . Pinch,” You say, panting slightly. When he laughs, your panties start to stick to your skin.
“God, you want this so badly, don’t you?” The tip of his cock touches your lips, and you dart your tongue out right away, swirling it around the head. Tsukki sighs heatedly over you, and then his fingers tangle in your hair. “My own personal little whore.”
You groan, trying to take him in your mouth, but he uses his grip to hold you back.
“Say please.”
Your stomach flips hard, because you know ‘ please’ wouldn’t be enough.
“Please, Tsukki,” You whisper. “Make me your whore.”
He inhales sharply, and you decide right there that you want to hear him fall apart. When he touches your lips again and tightens his grip, you know you have no control here. So you just let your mouth fall open.
The first time he slides into your mouth, his cock hits the back of your throat, and you gag.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He chuckles. “Thought you wanted it rough.” You recover as quickly as you can, breathing deep through your nose and sucking hard when he pulls back. He groans under his breath and thrusts his hips again, humming when you take him properly. “ That’s it, Y/n. ” He pulls you off of him for a moment, and you whine quietly. “Can you keep taking it like that?”
“Stop-” You croak, breathing heavily. “- fucking asking , Tsukishima.”
There’s silence over you, and then he yanks your head back, talking right over the yelp you let out. “If you say so.”
You get no more chances to recover, your breath sputtered and coughed around him as he sets a pace that stings. You moan loudly while he fucks your throat, drool pooling at the corners of your mouth and falling to your chest. Your fingers twitch on his thighs, and, after a few moments listening to the soft groans he lets out over you, one of your hands moves down to your thigh and slides to your core. You barely get two fingers on your clit when his voice bites out.
“ Don’t -” He snaps. “- even think about it .”
You whine around him, earning a particularly hard thrust that slams against the back of your throat. You latch onto his thighs again, digging your nails in.
“Not so mouthy now, huh?” He pants. “Not so fucking annoying. No choice but to listen.” You nod shallowly, unhinging your jaw a little more, until it hurts. He moans quietly. “Maybe you’ll listen when I tell you how pretty you look like this, baby. So fucking pretty, drooling all over my cock.”
Your whine is loud this time, and he laughs breathily. “You like that? Didn’t know you were into this, sweetheart – good to know.”
And then he pulls you right off him, your gasps echoing in his room. You cough, your chest heaving, but he doesn’t give you more time than that, his hands on your shoulders again. You’re less shocked when you’re shoved onto your back, and you’re too busy catching your breath to do much more than moan when he takes your ankles and drags you to the edge of the bed.
Tsukki hooks his fingers into your panties and rips them down your thighs, laughing cruelly. “Aw, look at you. You’re a mess just from that?”
You dig your fingers into his comforter, still blindfolded. “You’re an ass- mm! ”
Tsukishima Kei’s just stuffed your own soiled panties in your mouth.
“Still talking too much,” He mutters, and you hear something hit the floor. You only realize it’s his knees when his fingers grip your thighs hard enough to bruise and his tongue flattens over your clit.
You scream, muffled, and arch your back on the mattress. Your fingers fly into his hair just as he’s dragging his tongue over your folds a second time, but he pulls away. He bites down hard on your thigh, ignoring the jolt of your body.
“I didn’t say you could touch me.” Your fingers cling to the covers again, and it takes everything in you not to grab him when he spits hard on your clit. “Better.”
He eats you out like that, his face buried between your thighs as you scream and moan and nearly make your fingers go numb from how hard you fist the blankets. You have no clue how long it’s been or when it had happened, but you realize eventually that he’s slipped two fingers into you, curling and spreading them against spots you didn’t even know existed. Your body twitches when he pushes up against your g-spot, and you grind your hips up toward his mouth unconsciously.
You pay for it immediately, his mouth and fingers leaving you. You start to complain, but it’s turned into a scream when his hand comes down hard on your overly sensitive clit.
“I really do have my work cut out for me, huh?” He pants, breathless and raspy. “You’re a lot of work, sweetheart.” Your eyes prickle with tears, and you shake your head hard. He huffs out a laugh, breath cold on your heated core. “No? You’re not a lot of work?” When you shake your head again, he coos at you condescendingly. “You promise to be good?” You nod, and he laughs again. “Okay, then. Spread your legs for me.”
You peel your aching fingers off of the blankets and hook them around your thighs, spreading your legs and pressing your knees toward your chest until it starts to hurt. You hear Tsukki’s pants hit the floor, and he groans openly down at you.
“God, you look so good like this,” He mutters under his breath. “Can I take a picture?”
Your heart jumps. You’d always thought you would never be comfortable with something like that, but the thought of Tsukki having a picture of you on his phone – a picture of you looking like this – has you clenching hard around nothing. You nod firmly, unconsciously pulling your thighs open even further.
He lets out a surprised breath, and then you hear him scrambling for his pants on the floor. “ Fuck- ” He hisses, throwing things around, and you hear the thump of his phone hitting the rug under his desk. “ Fuck, fuck- ” You start to giggle, the sound muffled but still audible. “Don’t fucking laugh at me, you fucking asshole – I wasn’t expecting you to say yes-”
Your laugh is loud now, but when you hear him stumble back over to you and feel his hand on the underside of your thigh, your stomach flips and your breath cuts short. The camera shutter goes off, and goosebumps break out over your skin, a soft moan leaving you.
“You’re into this too, sweetheart?” He asks, laughing to himself. His phone hits the bed somewhere beside you. “You like when I take pictures of you?” You nod, your face flushing hard, but he slides his cock through your folds before you have time to be embarrassed. You moan, feeling the tip bump up against your clit with each shallow thrust. “Maybe one day we can film it.”
You moan wantonly, and his own moan joins yours as he sinks into you in one slow thrust. Your breath leaves your lungs as he pulls back and slams his hips into yours. “You took me all at once, baby,” He groans, anchoring himself to your hips. “You must have missed me.”
You nod desperately, and you feel his weight drop over you on the mattress. His fingers hook gently into the blindfold, despite how roughly his hips collide with yours, and he tugs the material up to your forehead. You blink rapidly, squinting when the light hits your eyes and trying to readjust while Tsukki drives his cock into you.
When you finally do gain your bearings, the first thing you find is him. Your eyes lock with his, and your own widen drastically as you take him in. His face is flushed, a sheen of sweat glinting off his skin. His eyebrows are furrowed with concentration, and his arms are flexed as he drags you down to meet him halfway with each thrust.
Your eyes roll back into your head almost immediately, the sight too much to handle while he fucks you. Your moans come out louder now, and – although you’re still muffled – you’re infinitely glad you’re not doing this at your apartment, surrounded by thin walls and neighbors. Here, you can moan as loud as you want. Here, you don’t have to care about the way his headboard slams against the wall. Here, you can arch your back and scream his name, over and over again around your panties.
He hears it the third time it comes out, the syllables of his name garbled but clearly his. His expression changes, those furrowed brows creasing even more and his lips parting as he lets out a series of quiet moans every time he hears his own name.
“ Fuck, ” He says, letting your waist go and dropping down hard over you, his hands hitting the bed on either side of you. “ Fuck , Y/n. I love you-” Your vision gets blurry, and your eyes burn, but you only notice you’re crying when the tears stream down toward your ears. “Listen to you, screaming my name like that,” He pants, his hips stuttering for a moment. The realization that he’s close to finishing sends you hurtling toward your own orgasm. “So fucking perfect. Fucking perfect for me.”
His fingers dig into the material in your mouth, and he pries it out, tossing the panties somewhere behind him. Your jaw aches, but you forget it when he meets your eyes.
“Say it for me, sweetheart.”
“Tsukki-” You cry. “ Please, Tsukki- ” Your fingers itch to touch him. “Please, I love you – Can I-” You start to cry harder, your vision gone completely as you sob, the feeling of him slamming into you too much now.
“Yes, baby, yes-” His breath hitches when you clench around him, and he nods tightly. “You can touch me-”
Your fingers fly into his hair, and you drag him down roughly, smashing your lips to his. You both moan, and you ramble deliriously against his mouth. “ Love you, I love you, I- ”
He shudders over you, groaning as he stills with his hips pressed tight to yours. He spills into you, his body shaking against yours as he fills you. The feeling of it throws you right off the edge, and you cry against his lips while you come, your back twitching and arching toward his.
He’s collapsed onto you by the time you’re done, breathing hard in your ear. “ Fuck , Y/n,” He sighs. You wrap your legs tiredly around his waist, exhaustion taking you over.
“How did we do all that with my dress still on?” You whisper weakly, too tired to even smile when he starts to laugh.
“God, I love you. You’re so fucking stupid.”
That one does make you laugh. You feed off of each other, worsening until you’re both wheezing together.
Finally, he buries his face in your neck, sighing. “I’m sorry.”
Your heart lurches. “For?”
“Everything,” he says. “ Everything, Y/n. For saying the opposite of what I meant. For not saying the things I wanted to.”
You say nothing, just wrapping your arms tight around his neck. “I’m sorry, too. For not listening to the right person. And for thinking the worst of you just because I was scared.”
He stays quiet a moment, just breathing you in. “Does that mean you aren’t breaking up with me?”
You chew on your lip, suddenly nervous. “Does that mean we’re together?”
“I don’t think any of this was ever fake for me.”
You bring his face up to yours, kissing him deeply. “I don’t think it was for me, either,” You whisper against his lips. He smiles, pulling back to look down at you.
“Can I still ask you to be my girlfriend? My real girlfriend?”
You stare up at him a moment, and then your brow furrows. “I don’t think you ever asked me to be your girlfriend at all.”
He blanches.
“Oh, fuck.”
You remind him of it for the rest of his life.
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The promise of a ring? - Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle
Writing for asks about a ring-fic like this one and this one.
Summary: Ona thinks her life with Lucy is perfect and wants to grow old together.
Warnings: SMUT, minors dni. A teeny tiny bit of angst. They are in love, in love, so headsup for sappy behavior. A bit of degrading, so don't read this if that's not your cup of tea. deffo dont read the second half if you're not into smut xx
Wordcount: 8k
I got a bit carried away while writing this lol.
Side note for fun: i recommend keeping Ona's english/spanish accent in mind when reading her parts because i had just watched old man united interviews from her when i wrote this and i think she had a cute accent then (still, but her english got better).
not really proofread :)
The promise of a ring?
It was February, the month Lucy and Ona would be celebrating their one year anniversary. This time last year Lucy had asked Ona to be her partner and Ona had been nothing but happy ever since. After having a little crush on the English woman for a big part of her life, but never having thought about it much further then that, it had been a pleasant surprise when she’d been hit on by Lucy at a wedding she attended. Ofcourse, she had tried to look her very best that night, knowing that the taller defender would be there, but she hadn’t seriously considered that she could’ve ended up in her bed. But after a long night of subtle flirting and flirtatious dances, she had. The sex had been so good that Lucy and her stayed connected and had a couple dozen more encounters like that after the infamous wedding night.
Over time Ona was surprised to see Lucy fall in love with her just as much as she did with the English woman and the booty calls changed in to just hanging out together, changed in to dates and eventually Lucy had proposed the idea of dating. Combined with the fact she was moving back to Barcelona soon, Ona had been over the moon.
She enjoyed playing with Lucy for the club she loved, she loved living with Lucy and their two dogs and nothing in her live could be better. Lucy put in so much effort to learn her languages, get on with her friends and family and even helped her out with football, analyzing games together.
Ona felt the luckiest woman alive with the way Lucy would tell her again and again how beautiful she was and never stopped reminding her about just how much she loved the Catalan woman, even saying that her vague dream of living in Barcelona after her retirement became clearer and clearer every day she woke up next to Ona.
All of these things and many more combined had driven Ona to this idea. During one of the moments when they had time for a date and were strolling through Barcelona, Ona had pulled Lucy into a nice antique shop.
She pretended that it was completely out of the blue and that she just thought it was a nice shop but secretly she had a hidden agenda. It was a shop that also sold jewelry and Ona was curious about Lucy's taste in rings.
They had casually looked at everything and by chance Lucy had pointed out the 'chunky' gold rings that she also liked as nice jewelry.
Ona had said that she liked them too and Lucy had suggested to buy them ''we can match, look there are two''.
She had pretended to think about it and then had waved it off as something they needed to think about and maybe they could do some time in the future.
Lucy hadn't noticed, Ona could make Lucy believe anything. With her big twinkling eyes and a simple touch, the Catalan could make her forget everything.
After looking at more shops, such as a candle shop, where they bought a big, lovely smelling candle, they walked a bit through the city before finding a quiet restaurant for dinner.
''Next week is our official one year of dating, did you know that babe'' Lucy said between her bites.
Ona laughed, so she wasn't the only one who was thinking about that ''mhm, ofcourse, I already have my present''.
One of Lucy's eyebrows flew up ''presents? I didn't know we were going to do that''.
The shorter woman was a little disappointed but she didn't really care, Lucy gave her presents often enough ''just being in a relationship with you is already a present Luce, you don't have to give anything, I just happened to come across something, that's why I’ve got something'' Ona said reassuringly.
Lucy grinned ''you're so cute, I was teasing you a little, of course I have something, well, I'm working on it''.
''I'm curious'' Ona said biting her lip ''but let's stop talking about this topic because it was hard enough keeping it a secret''.
''great idea'' Lucy agreed, because I’m sure I’ll tell you everything if you’d ask me ‘’but I did want to talk about what you wanted to do, because our schedule is a bit tight I thought we could celebrate a day earlier and go to that one nice restaurant with the waiter that slipped as a date?’’.
"I find it so funny that you keep calling it that, but yes, I would like to, but you have to make a reservation, right?" Ona chuckled.
‘’Already done’’ Lucy said confidently, "reserved three months ago, when our schedule was known, figured that day would be the best one as the day after our real anniversary we have to get up really early".
‘’Ah and you are planning to make it late?’’ Ona asked teasingly.
"Well, when you go out to eat it often gets late," Lucy said nonchalantly.
The Catalan blushed and rolled her eyes at the way how Lucy got her to say things like that and then acted like she was the one insinuating something.
She could already see Lucy's smug grin and hated herself for falling for it again and again. How it often went was that Lucy would deny that she meant anything by the first ambiguous statement, then she would ask what Ona meant by what she had said, and Ona would be left floundering and blushing.
Just like now: ‘’what were you thinking about then bonita?’’.
But Ona recovered herself and cleared her throat, not willing to give in ''oh, I just thought about if we were just going out for dinner or if you were thinking about having like a long dinner and drinks after that, because I'm all for eating and then going home, given our busy schedule of course''.
Lucy narrowed her eyes suspiciously ‘’mkay, and yeah just dinner and then head back home, just thought dinner there would be cute for our one year celebration and because you like their food a lot’’.
Ona nodded eagerly ‘’yeah I love it, I love that you made a reservation for us there’’.
…
The next day they had a whole day working at the club, when it was time to eat lunch with everyone Ona slipped away and drove her car to the antique shop, hoping the rings would still be there, but she was quite sure they’d be, as she had kept her eye on them for a while now.
Just as she parked her phone rang, and she saw it was Lucy and was shocked, only now realizing that of course she would be looking for her at lunch.
She denied the call and quickly texted her that she would be there soon, as she was talking to someone in the physio building.
Lucy replied that she just came from that building and hadn’t seen her, but agreed to see her in the dining hall soon.
Ona basically sprinted to the store.
‘’hi I’d like to buy the two golden rings from that display case’’ she said when she’d found the worker, when the old man had gotten them out of the glass cabinet Ona had told their sizes.
she found out that the rings were both exactly Lucy's size and therefore just a little too big for her, the man asked which one he could adjust for her, after thinking for a moment she wanted to keep the ring with the waves for Lucy, since her name means 'wave' in Catalan that would be a nice memorial, so the other one was for her.
''I can do it now, it will take about an hour'' the man said.
''uhm I have to go, but can I maybe pick them up tonight?'' Ona asked while she paid.
''I don't have the shop open in the evening'' the man said kindly ''but I live upstairs, so if you ring the bell I will make an exception for you''.
''thank you sir, that is very kind of you'' Ona said happily when she accepted the receipt and discussed the time she would be there that evening.
Just as she sat back in the car and had put the receipt in her wallet she got called again, the old man and her had chatted for a second longer before she had finally gotten back outside, without thinking it through she accepted the call.
‘’I don’t understand where you are’’ Lucy sighed in to her phone ‘’which room did you say you were?’’.
‘’o-oh h-hi Luce, I’m- I hadn’t said which room, I only said the physio building’’ Ona said uncertain as she quickly drove off.
‘’what am I hearing? are you in a car?’’ Lucy asked surprised, ‘’I wanted to look for you, to get lunch together, but I can’t find you’’.
Ona groaned ‘’I told you to just wait in the dining hall’’.
‘’What is going on, did you leave the training ground? Is this why you didn’t want to take that ice bath with me earlier?’’.
‘’Luce, don’t ask me questions, we have an hour to lunch, go eat, I’ll join you soon’’ Ona said as someone honked behind her to tell her that the light was green already.
‘’mierda’’ Ona muttered as traffic had the effect of annoying her badly.
‘’mkay’’ Lucy said suspicious ‘’I’ll get an explanation when I see you, drive safe’’.
‘’love you’’ Ona mumbled.
‘’I love you too chica loco’’.
Ona parked in the same spot where she had left the car that morning and was surprised to see Lucy standing in front of her. As she got out of the car she looked in to the surprised eyes of her English girlfriend ‘’uhhhmmm, I wanted to clear my head’’ Ona offered.
‘’oh’’ Lucy said surprised and she frowned ‘’Are you allright? What was on your mind then?’’.
Ona smiled ‘’yeah I’m good, really’’ she chuckled as she hugged Lucy ‘’let’s get some food quickly’’.
‘’You’re acting a bit weird, you sure you’re okay?’’ Lucy asked carefully as they broke their hug and started walking back to the dining hall.
Their return together apparently motivated everyone to joke about how Lucy and Ona must have already provided another lunch and something about broom closets, but Lucy couldn't really laugh about it. She was worried that Ona had wanted to clear her head by going for a drive while she didn't even know Ona was worried about anything, she thought their lives were going perfectly.
The pair was back at home, they had taken a nap, cooked dinner and were now eating dinner.
‘’I am going to walk the dogs after dinner’’ Ona said as she dished up some more food for herself.
‘’ofcourse, when I have done the dishes we can go’’. Lucy said as she nodded.
Ona chuckled ‘’no Luce, I’m going on my own’’.
Lucy stopped chewing and looked up to search Ona’s face ‘’but we always go together?’’ she quietly said.
‘’I know, but I wanted to do it alone tonight’’ Ona said smiling ‘’when I’m back we can hangout again’’.
‘’do you need more alone time? Or is something else wrong?’’ Lucy asked concerned.
Only now did it dawn on Ona that this must have seemed strange to Lucy, she didn't want her to think that something was wrong. ''No no no Luce, it is really nothing, don't read in to it, I promise, I love that we can do everything together and that we live together''.
‘’Would you tell me if there’s something wrong?’’.
‘’Yes Luce’’ Ona smiled as she took Lucy’s hand ‘’ofcourse, and I will tell you what this afternoon was about too one day okay, and I promise you will laugh about it, because I already am’’.
‘’you’re speaking in riddles’’ Lucy groaned.
‘’I know, just be patient mkay?’’ Ona said cheeky ‘’but I assure you there is nothing wrong with me’’.
Lucy smiled ‘’so you weren’t avoiding me?’’.
‘’huh’’ Ona tilted her head ‘’not at all, I would never avoid you, as a matter of fact, I missed you today’’.
‘’I missed you too’’ ‘’are you sure you need to walk alone?’’ Lucy asked quietly with a sheepish grin ‘’I can just keep quiet?’’.
Ona laughed ‘’I am sure babe’’, ‘’I’ll go walking alone and if you cleaned it up here when I got back I’ll give you a reward, how does that sound?’’.
‘’Is it about the messy apartment?’’
The Catalan rolled her eyes ‘’nahh Luce and stop guessing cause you won’t get it, now do you want some kisses tonight or not?’’.
‘’would I not get them if I don’t clean?’’ Lucy challenged playfully.
‘’ugh’’ Ona rolled her eyes ‘’you would because I wanted to anyways, but I’d give them with more pleasure if you’d tidied up our house’’.
‘’How about more then just kisses, I mean with inflation cleaning costs have gone up big time’’ Lucy said as she shrugged.
‘’we’ll see how well you cleaned up’’ Ona decided with a grin.
‘’Blackmailing me to clean for sex’’ Lucy groaned ‘’genius, I should’ve thought about this myself’’.
‘’nuh-uh, I claimed this tactic, you cannot use it, I have copyrights on it actually’’ Ona chuckled as she took her plate and cutlery to put in the dishwasher.
Lucy followed her with her own dishes and the glasses ‘’we’ll see’’ she whispered as she passed Ona.
It was a pretty long walk to the store but all had worked out as planned and Ona snuck back in the apartment and saw the hall was pretty tidy, all the shoes were put in the closet instead of scattered around the floor like before.
As she heard Lucy come walking to her she quickly put the present in one of the shoes in the shoe closet and bowed to untie her shoes as she happily said ´´wow very clean´´.
´´Well you gave me plenty time´´ Lucy said as she unleashed the dogs and put them away.
The dogs waddled to the living room as Ona put her shoes away and stepped closer to Lucy ´´Now i´m all yours´´.
´´hmm´´ Lucy said as she pressed herself against Ona ‘’until she wonders of again’’.
Ona chuckled ‘’but I will always vuelve a ti, always’’ (come back to you).
Lucy buried her head in Ona’s neck and took in her scent ‘’I love the sound of that, and I’ll always be here for you to come to’’.
‘’always?’’. Ona asked happily.
Lucy held herself back from Ona so she could look at her, "always," she said determinedly.
It was thursday that following week, after a day of working they'd gone home and walked the dogs. This morning Lucy had made Ona breakfast in bed, but for more than that hadn't been time.
Now they were stood infront of the closet together.
"What are you wearing?" Ona asked.
Lucy rumaged through the closet "hm, think this white blouse".
Ona looked through her options aswell and opted for something cute that went well with Lucy's outfit, casual but dressed up.
"You look so pretty" lucy said from her place sitting on the bed, as she was putting her jeans on.
Ona chuckled "i am naked".
"Mhmm" Lucy hummed, beckoning "my favourite outfit of yours".
"Shut up" Ona said laughing, "black or red?".
"None".
Ona grinned "hm, maybe I'll put on my granny underwear".
Lucy rolled her eyes "okay then, eventhough in my opinion you pull everything off equally beautiful i'll choose red this time".
"Hm, im surprised you didn't choose the granny ones".
"Ohhh" Lucy acted stupid "Do you not have those in red, might have to go with black then".
As she was chuckling Ona pulled some little set of red lingerie out of her underwear drawer and put it on.
She always felt comfortable in her body, sunbathing topless, skinny dipping, etcetera, but in her own home she felt the best, and Lucy, her girlfriend, always made her feel great sure sometimes Lucy would come on to her, touch her or make some insinuating jokes, but it was alway lighthearted or when it was not, and it was a bit more intens, it always came in a moment Ona was up for it. She didnt know how Lucy did it, maybe it was the way her eyes always had love in them next to the hunger and lust, or the way she was so tactfull, but Ona never felt objectified. But she knew how to really awaken that hunger in Lucy's eyes, was to wear a nice set of lingerie that bearly covered anything. Lucy had once told her that it reminded her of a bow around a present, that if Ona put it on, she'd have done it with the thought of Lucy 'unwrapping' her later. So Ona thought, it only made sense to wear a nice pair on a special day like this.
Lucy was now completely dressed and still sat on the edge of the bed, Ona walked to the stack of clothes she'd put next to her and smiled when she saw Lucy's eyes roaming her body.
"You like it?".
Lucy nodded and looked back up to Ona "you're so unbelievebly beautiful Ona, i cant believe i get to be your girlfriend".
Ona chuckled as she grabbed her pants to put on.
Lucy sight "i don't think i want to go to dinner anymore".
"I think you should come, because i don't want to eat alone, and what if someone hits on me" Ona joked.
"Ew" lucy narrowed her eyes "i meant that we'd both be staying at home" she grabbed Ona closer to her with two hands and kissed her stomach.
Ona leaned over Lucy to grab her top as she was laughing "No i have to give you my present over dinner''.
The English woman pushed her girlfriend aside as she suddenly remembered her own present and shot up ''i almost forgot!''.
Ona staid in the room as she finished dressing up and when she went te the bathroom to apply some make-up, the older woman came bursting back in to the room ''i wanted to give you it before dinner''.
The Catalan looked in to the mirror to see Lucy approaching her behind her and chuckled as she saw her carrying a bouquet of flowers and a kind of notebook, ''huh, how did you get flowers i didn't even see you get those?''.
''Got them yesterday'' Lucy smirked ''hid them somewhere, i'm glad they're still alive tho, i actually wanted to give them to you this morning''.
Ona turned around ´´they´re pretty, and what´s that´´, she asked pointing at the booklet.
´´Okay so imagine your back at this morning, i made you breakfast in bed and then i handed you this´´ Lucy said while handing Ona the present and laying the bouquet next to the sink ´´go on, flip through it´´, Lucy encouraged.
The Catalan looked amazed at the cover, it was a picture of them both on a holiday, a day she remembered all to well, they had had so much fun spending those off-days together after the worldcup.
She opened it and saw every page with a different photo and a different writting text ''did you make this?''. she asked Lucy amazed.
''I know it's a bit corny but, yeah''. Lucy said quietly as she suddenly got a bit insecure.
In the booklet Lucy had put some of her favourite pictures from some of her favourite memories together and with every pictures she had written a little joke, something she remembered from that day or why she loved that picture.
At the end, the last page, Ona stopped, she didn't see a picture on this page, the whole page was scribbled full with text and it was signed -
from: Lucy, for: Ona, the love of my life.
Ona's eyes quickly scanned the pages and to her surprise it was all written in Catalan, which made it easy for her to read fast. Her eyes watered as she read the loving words and promises in her mothertongue.
When she read ''I quan arribi l'instant perfecte, et suplicaré que em facis el més afortunat del món'' (and when the time is right i will ask you to make me the luckiest) a tear rolled down her cheek ''Luce, it's so beautiful''.
Lucy cupped her face ''i don't know if i got it all translated right but i have the English version for you aswell if y-
''-It's perfect, it's like a Catalan poet wrote it'' Ona smiled ''i didn't know i could fall in love with you more''.
The English woman smiled ''glad you like it, i'm curious about yours now''.
''Oh yes, i'll give it to you right now, how long do we have before we need to go?''.
Lucy looked at her watch ''about 20 minutes, why?''. ''you can still give it to me over dinner, i just- , we can't have a booklet with a kiss photo of us out in public and the flowers were a practical matter''.
''Oh'' Ona said mischievious ''I hadn't planned on giving you my present over dinner either'' she thought to herself and said ''i can't offer you a ring in public'' while shaking her head and chuckling.
''A ring? did you just give away your present?'' Lucy chuckled as Ona walked around her to leave the bathroom.
''Huh oh! see i'm so bad at keeping secrets, but i guess it's more like a promise'' Ona said while she groaned at herself internally, she had prepared a whole speech, just as romantic as Lucy, not just -here a ring-.
''The promise of a ring?'' Lucy asked confused.
Ona chuckled ''i would say a ring with a promise''. ''i'll be right back''.
She came back with a folded up note, and the leather pouch that the man had put the rings in. She was a little nervous and Lucy noticed ''you're trembling Ona, it's just me remember''. she said as she guided them back to the bedroom ''let's sit on the bed bub''.
''mhm'' Ona nodded ''can i sit on your lap?''.
''Ofcourse'' Lucy smiled ''you don't even have to ask, you know that right''.
''I know'' said as she took place on her lover and leaned her head to Lucy's shoulder ''i'm a little nervous, but it's pretty similar to what you wrote so i don't know why i am''. ''i'll just read it off my note, bé?''.
''Sí, continuar querida'' Lucy said while running her hand suiting along Ona's back ''it will be perfect''.
Ona looked up and smiled at Lucy ''i just realise i wrote it for you in English, you wrote Catalan for me'' she said and kissed Lucy.
After that Ona read her note out loud and showed the rings, she also told how she had chosen the waves for Lucy and ended with the story about what had happened last week, why she went on a drive and a walk with the dogs alone. Telling her she hadn't even thought about making an excuse and that's why she had been so weird about it, but chuckling at herself how un-planned she had gone about it all.
Lucy had laughed with her and told her she was glad that it had been about the present, because she had worried a bit about it at the time.
Ona kissed Lucy tenderly, a kiss out of pure love ''tots dos volem viure junts per sempre'', she whispered in Lucy's ear ''and I want to put a ring on your finger as tangible proof of that''.
She opened the pouch and put her own ring on before she looked up to Lucy ''in Catalunya it's normal to wear a wedding ring on the left hand, the hand closest to the heart, and the promise ring on the right, but i believe it is the other way around in England''.
Lucy grinned ''i'll put it on the right, like you, they can think i'm married, i don't care, it is our thing''.
''We can wear it to think about eachother''. Ona slid the ring onto her lovers finger ''if we miss eachother''.
''It is perfect'' Lucy cooed as she traced her finger along the engraved waves ''Ona'' she said determined as felt the ring around her finger.
''Hm?''.
''Oh, the name of my future wife, it's Ona''. Lucy stated as if she was talking to someone else ''she is the love of my life and one day i'll marry her''.
The Catalan smiled ''when the time is right''.
''When the time is right'' Lucy agreed.
They got to the restaurant just in time for their reservation and as the evening went on they ate great food and even drank a glass of wine both, despite being in the middle of the season, because of the special occasion.
Ona noticed Lucy glancing at her hand a lot during the night and chuckled when she once again took a long look at the ring Ona had gifted her.
''Stay like this'' she demanded.
Lucy looked up surprised at her as she pulled her phone out.
''Look at your hand again, it looks pretty'', encouraged Ona her as she opened the camera app.
She smiled at her phone when she had taken the picture and opened it in the camera roll, and put a black and white filter on it. She was happy with the result and handed the phone to Lucy, ''muy hermosa, look''.
Lucy looked at the photo and chuckled ''i like your present a lot it seems, am i really that obvious''.
''Sí, you have a face that is readable like a book for kindergartners''. Ona chuckled back, ''but i love that about you''.
..
They didn't get back home too late as Lucy payed for the bill pretty soon after they were done eating.
Stepping out of the elevator Lucy opened her jacket and got her key out of her purse "you know the reason why I didn't want to make it too late?".
Ona smirked back at her "hmm I don't know, tell me".
She grinned and opened the door.
When they were both inside Lucy thumbed at the bottom lip of the Catalans mouth, "I want to take my time with you tonight".
Ona gulped, in this busy time of the season, just after the new-years break, they had had a lot going on. More training to get everyone on track again, media things, games, etcetera and that had led to a trend of quickies. That was a sad reality in comparison to their usual intimate marathons, like when they had been away for couple of days over Christmas.
Within these busy couple of weeks it had been a frequent thought of Ona's to have good sex again. Well, she wouldn't actually say it like that, because Lucy could do a lot in a few, undisturbed, minutes, but she sure did miss the way Lucy could make her feel, or rather make her cum again and again, when they’d got the time.
Ona smiled and pressed a couple of light kisses to the thumb before taking it in her mouth.
"Fuck" Lucy said under a heavy breath as the smaller woman sucked on her thumb and looked up her with those big submissive eyes, to preform that ‘fuck-me’ look she could put on.
Ona removed herself from the thumb with a pop ´´trobo a faltar la teva polla´´ (i miss your cock) she said, as she met Lucy's gaze before taking the digit back on her tongue.
The English woman groaned as she pressed her body closer to Ona's and turned her gaze back to her mouth ‘’ofcourse you do .. my little fuck doll’’ she growled before removing her thumb and pressing her mouth against the shorter woman’s lips.
A hungry kiss was shared while they both tried to undo themselves from their coats. Ona was the first to drop hers to the floor and her hands quickly found Lucy to tug at hers.
Lucy broke the kiss with a grin ''what's the rush?''.
The Catalan rolled her eyes ''Luce, vamos, la cama, now please''. (come on, let's go to the bed). she demanded.
The taller woman’s smirk grew, she tutted and shook her head slightly ''has it been so long that you forgot your manners? you're acting a bit like a slut, aren't ya?''.
Ona blushed but before she could respond Lucy was biting down her neck lightly and groaned against her skin ''lets get to the bedroom then''.
She nodded and as Lucy stepped away she automatically reached for a hand, tugging her along to the bedroom.
Once they were there she didn't waste time before undressing down to her underwear and looked up to Lucy expectantly.
''Sad we have to take these off'' Lucy said as she fiddled the golden ring she had already grew to love this evening.
Ona quickly took hers of and put it on the nightstand before reaching out her hand to take Lucy's rings.
''So fucking eager''.
''I missed you'' Ona offered as explanation.
After she had put Lucy's rings down safely as well, she stepped back to Lucy and tugged on her blouse. ''hmh'' Lucy smirked as she caught Ona's wrists ''you just said something else, hm, that you missed my cock’’. ‘’you missed getting fucked properly, hm?''.
''By you'' Ona tried to coax Lucy to get on with it ''please Luce, can I undress you?'' she pouted.
Lucy shook her head but smiled ''mkay, because you asked so nicely''.
Ona watched closely as she undressed Lucy, she had seen her naked a thousand times, maybe even more, but she was still as obsessed with it as the first day she laid eyes on the undressed older woman.
The way her muscles were so defined, those rock solid, slightly uneven abs, which she had been allowed to ride a few times. The way Lucy's arms literally looked sculpted and looked so damn good when she was training in her sleeveless training top, claiming it was for a more even tan. Yes, Ona could look at Lucy for days.
And right now, as she had taken off Lucy's blouse and shirt, as she felt the hard stomach below her knuckles and she unbuttoned her jeans. It drove her crazy all over again.
When Lucy stepped out of the pants Ona bent to help her caught ankle get out of the trouser leg. Her face was so close to Lucy's core that she could smell her arousal. Ona couldn’t help herself and dropped to her knees to kiss along Lucy's thighs ''quiero comerte'' she groaned as she hooked her fingers in Lucy's briefs ''is okay?''.
Lucy groaned, she nodded at the woman kneeled below her and stepped out of her underwear when Ona had taken it off.
The way Ona's English progressively got worse as she got more turned on always amazed Lucy. How Ona could get lost in the lust, the way she would look so pretty and satisfied as Lucy gave her what she needed,. but right now it seemed as though Ona had other ideas.
Lucy stilled as she felt two digits tracing her center ''Ona'' she gasped unprepared.
''No?'' Ona blinked at Lucy innocently ''mi lengua primero?'' (you want my tongue first?)
Lucy's eyes rolled back and she grabbed Ona's hair in a fist ''fuck Ona, do whatever you want''. she gasped and thought -this woman is going to be the dead of me-, as she felt Ona working her way to her core.
Ona completely gave in to her instincts and buried herself deep between her lover's legs, wiggling herself on her knees between Lucy's legs so that they spread further apart, giving her even better access.
After a while, an embarrassingly short while, whilst Ona's hands were firmly kneading the flesh of her ass, Lucy came. The orgasm washed over her quickly, catching her off guard and she couldn't stop her legs from clamping around Ona's head.
Ona didn't budge, it seemed that her hunger was not satisfied, but rather only further fueled.
When Lucy couldn't take it anymore, she gently removed her hand from Ona's hair, who took the hint and leaned back.
''Fuck that was good'' Lucy breathed with a small smile and saw Ona looking at her with twinkling eyes, but the most striking part of the small face looking up at her, were her chin and mouth glistening with her own wetness.
With the back of her hand, Ona wiped it away. Lucy didn't know why but this simple act made her knees buckle, but it did.
''I was so good, no?'' Ona asked.
Lucy smiled ''very good'' she said as she helped Ona up.
Ona immediately went in for a kiss, wanting desperately a relief of her own.
The taller woman gently broke the kiss chuckling ''Ona, nadó .. calma''. ''take it easy, i'm yours forever, remember?''.
Ona nodded and walked to their drawer to get the strap she wanted and a harness, ''we can go more slowly all those days'' she said as she handed Lucy the strap and kneeled with the harness to help Lucy in it.
When the harness was fixed she stood up her tiptoes to whisper in Lucy's ear ''but for now not slowly''.
Lucy swallowed hard and could feel her nipples harden from arousal. "How do you want me then''.
Ona raised an eyebrow, "my choice?" her mouth twisted into a smile, "then you know what I choose."
"Mhm, get on the bed".
The Catalan's smile did not leave her face, she loved to get fucked on all fours, it was her favorite position. How their thighs would feel gritting against eachother, the way her butt was pointed upwards, ready for Lucy to spank. But this position asked the most of Lucy's knees, so usually when they'd do it, Ona would end up on the edge of the bed so Lucy could stand. However, in Ona's opinion nothing could beat the way Lucy felt behind her when they were both on their knees.
Lucy shuffled behind Ona, who was now on her elbows and knees. She put two fingers in her mouth before tracing Ona's lips with them. She groaned "so fucking wet".
Ona muttered something incoherent and wiggled her ass a little, pressing it deeper against Lucy's digits.
Slowly the older woman worked her two fingers in, she saw Ona arch infront of her and groaned at the tightness of her hole.
It had probably been three weeks since they'd last used the strap, just simply because there hadn't been time to do so, or they had been to tired. Lucy had missed it, she loved watching her girlfriend take her rubber cock, but she knew Ona had probably missed it even more. Lucy could only love her girlfriend for it, they had great sex, their dynamics worked out perfectly and she was happy to answer all Ona’s needs.
The English woman grinned when she felt Ona trying to clench around her fingers, she knew the Catalan wanted more.
Ona whined "Luce" she pushed herself even more into Lucy "more".
Lucy smacked one of her ass cheeks, it landed a bit awkward because it was left-handed, but there was definitely an impact. "manners baby".
A moan escaped Ona's throat "please fuck me Luce".
Another crack-sound filled the room and Lucy removed her fingers from Ona to wipe the wetness along her strap.
She guided the tip along Ona's slit "thats a good girl’’. ‘’I know I thought you well, haven't I".
‘’Mhm’’ Ona nodded eager, but quickly corrected herself ‘’y-yes Lucy’’.
With that Lucy pushed herself inside, holding Ona’s hips as she bottomed out.
The Catalan let her head drop and closed her eyes to take it all in, and fuck did it feel good. When she noticed Lucy stayed still she took it upon herself to start moving.
Lucy had wanted to give her some time to get used to it but when she saw Ona grinding back down on her - a smirk clad her face. She released her grip on Ona’s hips and ran one hand along her back to hold her shoulder, giving her more leverage. With the other hand she reached for Ona’s thigh and forced her a little wider.
‘’Feels good hm?’’ Lucy asked through gritted teeth as she saw the smaller woman’s head cock back up.
With another deep thrust Ona’s answered with a high-pitched moan.
Lucy reached around to roll Ona’s nipples between her fingers, ‘’does it not?’’ she asked mischievously before pinching the nipple she held.
A cry escaped Ona’s throat ‘’Sí .. Lucy’’ she muttered ‘’so good’’.
After Lucy had cupped the breast tenderly once more, her hand moved south along her stomach, ending between her legs, she gathered some slick and gently started caressing her clit.
This stimulation combined with the constant, deep, thrusts into her, got Ona being louder and louder.
It wasn't long before Ona moaned out her girlfriends name, ''Lu-‘’ she gasped ‘’I-I m coming''.
''Good girl''. Lucy groaned ''cum for me''. ''come on my cock''.
Lucy felt the shorter woman convulsing around her rubber lengthiness, making it hard for her to keep thrusting at the same pace.
With a couple of seconds a loud groaning cry filled the room and Ona collapsed against the bed as her arms gave out on her.
Lucy held the lower part of her body up as she gently worked her through her orgasm, before releasing her hold and pulling out, helping Ona carefully collapse on to the bed completely.
The English woman dropped on her side besides Ona and started soothing the skin on her back, feeling the clampy skin of Ona's back beneath her fingertips she smiled and leaned over to kiss her neck softly, nudging Ona to face her.
The Catalan let out a soft groan as she shifted ‘’T'estimo’’ (I love you) she said as she draped herself over her older girlfriend.
Lucy chuckled ‘’I love you too my little bonita’’.
They shared a kiss before Ona climbed on top of Lucy without breaking their lips apart.
‘’Again huh?’’. Lucy smirked.
Ona shifted until she sat up on Lucy’s hips ‘’Sí, my favorit first, now your favorit one´´.
´´I have multiple favorites´´. Lucy said with a smug grin as she sat up to face Ona.
A small frown clouded her forehead ´´like this, no?’’. she asked with a small smile as she sat on Lucy's lap and they held each other in a close embrace.
‘’Yes I love holding you close to me’’ Lucy cooed as she pulled Ona in closer, helping her grind against her ‘’are you sure you’re ready to go again already?’’ she asked thoughtfully.
The Catalan grinned and kissed her.
While they made out Ona reached between them and sat up a bit before gently lowering herself back on the strap. She whimpered at the familiar intrusion.
For a while they just sat there together, sharing gentle, loving kisses.
Eventually they broke away and caught eachothers eyes, the smaller woman reached around Lucy to unclasp her bra, she had a little bit of a hard time getting it off because their bodies were so close together but eventually Lucy threw it next to the bed.
This movement sent a shiver running down Ona's spine and got her sensitive cunt clamping around Lucy's cock, she buried her face in the English´ neck as she felt the strong hands around her thighs, helping her up and down the shaft.
´´So good baby´´ Lucy said as she redirected one of her hands to Ona´s back, helping her grind back and forth a bit more rather then just up and down.
Again Ona got louder as she felt her second orgasm this evening build up. She grabbed Lucy to hold herself up and began riding her faster.
´´Fuck´´ Lucy whimpered as she got grinded down on just right ´´ready for my other favorite?’’.
Ona moaned as she got flipped over by the taller woman, putting her on her back on the bed.
With rhythmic thrusts, Lucy fucked keeping a steady pace.
Ona wrapped her legs around Lucy and the Englishwoman leaned down to take a breast into her mouth.
The Catalan dropped her head on the pillow at the way Lucy's tongue twisted around her erected nipple.
After ambushing both nipples Lucy removed her mouth from Ona and panted for air, all while not haltering her pace once.
Ona removed her hands from Lucy's shoulders to continue stimulating her nipples herself.
Lucy shifted her weight to one arm as she reached down with the other, to rub Ona's clit.
"Joder" Ona muttered as her eyes screwed shut and she arched of the bed.
"That's it baby, you're taking me so well" Lucy said breathlessly.
The Catalan's hands clenched the skin of her chest and she moaned loudly as she came.
As the English woman felt the Spaniards legs tremble around her she slowed her pace, both with her hand as with her hips.
When Ona pushed her hands against Lucy's chest, indicating it got to much, she retracted.
She grabbed Ona's calves and gently forced her spasming legs apart so she could move back on the bed a little.
As she had removed the strap from her harness and dropped it besides the bed, came closer to Ona again and softly started running her hands along her inner thighs.
When her legs slowly became less shaky a smile crept on Lucy's face.
Ona watched her with a blissfull expression and couldn't even roll her eyes or pretend to be annoyed by the smugness of her girlfriend, instead she mirrored the soft smile and reached out for one of Lucy's hands.
"That was so good" Ona said, being the first to break the thick silence.
Lucy chuckled in awe "baby you were shaking".
"It felt really good" Ona said tracing her fingers over Lucy's stomach "i chose the best person to be with for forever".
Lucy chuckled "good sex is all it takes hm?".
"No" Ona grinned "but it gives bonus points".
Lucy groaned "you know i always want to score the most points" she said before lowering herself on top of Ona and littering her with kisses.
"Lucy" Ona gasped "i can't" she said as Lucy headed towards her centre.
"I'll be so gentle" Lucy murmured against the inside of Ona's thigh "i want to taste you".
..
After a couple of hours Ona was laying in a bath Lucy had ran for her.
She had protested when Lucy had left her but she had calmed down when the English defender had said she would join right after changing the sheets.
Lucy walked in to the bathroom carying two bottles of water and a bowl with strawberrys, grapes and pineapple.
She took the wooden plank that was standing against the bathroom wall and placed it on the bath, before taking the bottles and bowl from the sink and placing them on it.
Ona was smiling at the acts of her thoughtfull girlfriend "i am so in love with you Luce".
Lucy looked up and met the two loving eyes that followed her "me too Ona, and i really really love our rings, their beautiful, especially with the promise that's behind them".
"Kiss me?" Ona asked reaching out for the older woman.
"Always".
----
The end, not theirs :)
#lucy bronze x ona batlle#lucy bronze x reader#woso smut#lucy bronze smut#woso fanfics#lucy bronze#woso#woso imagine#ona batlle smut#ona batlle
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a day off with spence
hi cuties! pls be nice this is my first post 🫧 and also plssss send some requests or head cannons!
you both forget to turn off your alarms after such a long week so your 5 am wake up call startled the both of you to say the least
after a moment of panic you realize you dont have to get up, turn the alarm off, and cuddle back into spencer
he doesn’t really know if he’ll fall asleep again after that but he doesn’t mind, he’ll take the time to memorize each ‘imperfection’ on your perfect face as you sleep
as the sun comes up, he realizes he hates the taste of morning breath and thinks about getting up soon but really doesn’t even want to think about being away from you for even a second
the nature of your job doesn’t really allow for sleeping in and soon enough you stir, looking up into his sweet eyes, spencer feels caught, like an adolescent boy who was caught ogling the prettiest girl in class
after a few soft ‘i love yous’, you both get up and decide to order in for breakfast, not wanting to cook anything after such a long week ( mainly wanting to spend as much time cozied up together as you could)
the rest of the morning is slow until you have to go out to the store to get groceries for dinner (because you haven’t been home in a week nearly every fresh food has gone stale or mushy and a frozen meal isn’t very appealing at the moment)
on the way back from the store spencer reminds you of a little restaurant you’d been waiting to try. you both walk in, hand in hand, and stare at the menu above the counter as you wait in line
leaving with a new favorite restaurant, you remember your cold groceries and although spencer doesn’t like the idea of how many people had been in the taxi and the last time it had been disinfected, he opted for the faster route home
with several hours left until it would be socially acceptable to start dinner, you both decided on putting away groceries and putting on a show. spencer reached for a new book from the shelf and joined you on the couch
spencer catches you deep in thought when you dont hear him gently saying your name. overthinking is his brand so when he cant exactly decipher the look on your face, a brief moment of worry is draped over him
when you realize he’s just staring at you the same way you’d been looking at the wall, you give him a soft smile and ask, ‘whats going on in that head of yours?’
deep conversations about the way neither of you ever thought you deserved to be awarded love like this ensue, to spencer every breath you take is special, he realizes he’s found home and he wants to spend the rest of his life there.
a few episodes no one payed attention to passed and the sky started to marble in hues of pinks and orange and you couldn’t be happier
the sun starts to set early and typically you start to feel a little worse, with spencer, you forget all about that feeling
the oven beeps and there’s a pot boiling over on the stove as you and spencer run around the kitchen giggling, both of you are perfectionist’s but in this moment you dont care for anything but eachother
dinner tastes slightly off and you remember you forgot to add the salt, spencer tells you he doesn’t care and praises you for doing the majority of the work to make this meal
a slow shower later, and after staring at each other in the mirror with mouths full of toothpaste, you think about how lucky you are to be wrapped in the arms of the love of your life while he recites poems with the occasional yawn
you aren’t ready for sleep to take over and you want to relive the day a hundred times over
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k so did we like it or should i just delete everything and never come on tumblr again😁
#spencer reid x bau!reader#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid fic
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A nice story about Jensen Ackles on Reddit. Text:
Poster: I “worked” with him/ for him for several years before I realized he was a celebrity/ on a major tv show.
I swear he is the most humble, genuine, and respectful man I’ve ever worked with. Probably why I never would have guessed he was famous.
Question: What did you do for him?
Poster: Full disclosure- this was from 2011 to 2012 (ish) so I dont remember the smaller details of our interactions, but anyway…
I worked at a high end “executive car service”. Basically wealthy business people, agents, sports players, etc. would book us for an SUV or town car to take them to meetings, the airport, whatever. We didn’t have limos or party busses or anything, it was strictly for professionals in a professional setting.
Anyway, I had been talking with Jensen usually twice a week for a good 6+ months. I’d book him trips to the airport in Canada and Malibu? I think that’s where the CA side was. All I really knew was he “traveled a lot for work” and his wife and new baby were at home.
I worked with major assholes, which was to be expected. Attorneys assistants especially. They would get fired if they didn’t use the right colored post-it. That kinda crap. So they understandably were always stressed the hell out, which would get taken out on me. Whatever. That’s all part of the game.
But anytime I answered the phone and it was Jensen, I knew at least for those few minutes my job would actually be enjoyable. He’d always ask about ME. How my day was, what the weather in SoCal was like since he’d be on his way there. Small talk, but always SO damn nice. He’d occasionally mention how he’d miss his family during the longer trips or tell me how it’d be a short stay that particular week so he’d be able to get back home to his baby. SO sweet.
One day months later the owner of “my” company called me to ask about the schedule. Mentioned Jensen was to be picked up the following day and she chuckled and asked, “you know who that is, right?” Uhhh, no? Then she told me he was on tv and was traveling to film every week. Based on how humble, soft spoken, and incredibly nice he was, I figured he was just starting out in the business or was kinda an unknown. That’s when my boss told me he was shooting this huge show, he was really famous, etc etc.
I never woulda guessed it in a million years. With celebrities, we always dealt with their agents. Jensen would always pick up the phone and call me himself. He just seemed like a completely normal, humble guy who didn’t let his fame change who he was.
I worked there for another several months and then moved onto a different company, but damn did I miss “working” with him. I always knew there’d be no drama when he called.
To this day I still haven’t seen him in anything (or even a single episode of Supernatural) but I’ll always hold a soft spot for him just based on the way he treated me. I was relentlessly harassed but he was always so, so kind.
#jensen ackles#jensen#praise for jensen#what a nice memory#2011#just wanted to add this to the archive#ppl remark so consistently on how kind and down to earth he is <3#(#but might actually be 2013)
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Can you offer any (academic) writing advice for Autistics and ADHDers? You clearly write a lot and write very well and very clearly, so some insight into your process would be great. Personally, I tend to struggle with over explaining or over citing (cause I am always getting misunderstood) and that I get very fixated on not misrepresenting what my sources are saying to avoid feeling like I'm lying. All this is time consuming and makes it hard to say what I really want to say. Thanks!
Hi there! I've written an essay about a lot of this, here is the free link to read it on Medium:
Much of my writing process is inspired by the book How to Write a Lot by Paul Silvia, and it is specifically tailored to academics. The advice applies to people who write popular nonfiction or fiction just as easily, however. And he does have advice relevant to the self-editing and self-doubt you describe feeling.
The full piece gets into this more, but here are some of the stand-out tips:
Schedule a regular time to write every week and show up no matter whether you are feeling it or not.
Throw out all your magical thinking about what you "need" to be able to write. You don't need the perfect workspace, divine inspiration, the right pen, the right playlist. You just need to show up to write regularly, and do it
Editing, outlining, working with research notes, and drafting all count as "writing." Don't expect your initial drafts to be perfect or to equate writing only with getting new words on the page.
Try writing in public spaces to help get yourself in the mindset of explaining a concept to someone with a different frame of reference and type of expertise than you. Writing in a cafe or a public library can force you think and write in a more accessible way. (alternatively, you can pretend you are explaining the concept to a specific person in your life who you respect but who doesnt have all the same reference points as you -- sometimes this is called the "Grandma Test". Explain something like you are talking to your grandma.)
In addition to all this, I would add that you should read a lot of writing, both good and bad, especially work that isn't dry and academic. If all you read is journal articles, you'll write a journal article -- and most of those are hell to read, even for academics. read fiction. read bad wattsapp shipping. read substacks. read newspapers. read indulgent personal nonfiction in the cut or whatever. read reddit posts. notice what works and what doesn't. develop an ear.
and then write a lot! it took me 15 years to get good enough for anything i wrote to get noticed. you can expect to take many years to get comfortable developing your own voice, too. i dont know how far along you are, but even when you've made tremendous progress you'll only notice your flaws and feel the most turgid brain foggy moments. that doesn't mean you're failing.
also, to some extent you can embrace your citation-dense, precise manner of self-expression. we are living in a moment of maximalism and indulgent, long creative works. it's the decade of the 5 hour youtube essay and the 2 hour album. my 5,000 word essays do better than my 2,000 word ones. you should strip down unnecessary tangents and trust yourself and your reader a little more probably, but ive found that the more blatantly autistic and indulgent my writing gets the more the right people like it. a writer's flaws and their distinctive voice are kinda hard to separate. you're not for everyone!
good luck!
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