#like career wise it feels like I’m going no where fast

[fentyalbum]

there’s like no way I’m going to make it to thirty.

[cthonic-bunny]

1. Natal Chart Observations

1. Libra Moon: decision paralysis that comes from feeling two contradicting ways about an issue. “I want my cake but I want to eat it too.” I feel like libra moons are the most sentimental of the air moon signs. Libra moons can constantly weigh out the pros and cons for every emotion you feel. “I want to do this but I don’t want to deal with how messy it’ll make things.” When libra moons are feeling a little lost, they can over-schedule themselves and their commitments to friends to avoid thinking about overly-vulnerable feelings. There is zero tolerance for imbalance in relationships. Poor behavior from a partner will be met with matched behavior to tip the scales back to a balanced one, even if the overall locational of the scale is descending into negativity. “You get what you give” mentality. Libra moons can be keen on the idea of karma. “Come to me with sweetness, or don’t come to me at all.” Daydreaming about romance is a relaxing way to pass time. Before maturity, libra moons might suffer from social anxieties when they find themselves in group settings where there isn’t a cohesive vibe. If someone around a libra moon doesn’t look like they are having a good time, it subconsciously makes it difficult for a libra moon to relax. The libra moon will then play the role of a diplomat or host/hostess to ensure the vibes equalize to restore their peace.

2. Mars in the 10th house: these natives are always making money. They are known for their side hustles too. They are always looking for new ways to make money and I feel like they are good at getting clientele. They will get their hands dirty for their job. For a man, this can point to a “blue collar ‘manly’ job.” I noticed 10H mars can be pretty generous with their money and services, but feel extremely terrible about getting help from others. If these natives aren’t confident where they are in their career or skill set(s), I noticed that they are likely to undersell themselves or undercharge for their services/time. It can also point to people in the workplace as perceiving the 10H mars person to be brash and outspoken. The authority figures in their career can feel a sense of competition with the 10H mars person, or wants to humble them in some way. I feel like it’s really easy for them to get good jobs or climb up the ladder when they do things the right way. They get impatient when they aren’t growing in their careers as fast as they want to. “Why am I not a millionaire yet.” They work hard for what they want and are very ambitious once they find their niche. I feel like these are often people who can find jobs that don’t necessarily need a degree. Their career mistakes feel explosive. They can be seen as “sharks” in their fields because they go in for the attack. They like to be the best and the most competent at what they do, and want their colleagues to see them as competition. “I’m the best and no one will tell me otherwise.” They can be known for being assertive and extremely determined in meeting their goals. They will work themselves to the core and utilize all their energy towards elevating themselves career and reputation wise.

3. Mars in the 1st House: These people might often be noticed for their bodies. They might be seen as someone you shouldn’t mess around with. They look athletic. Maybe they are known for fitness or for being athletic. These natives can be associated with the military, and probably look incredible in their uniforms. This is a man-eater or womanizer placement, for sure. “I get what I want when I want it.” They look like they have a rough exterior, even if they are sweethearts. They can be into martial arts. Commanding presence. They can make wonderful personal trainers. Regardless of gender, they can come off as being comfortable with their masculine energy. Reds look great on them. They might have thick eyebrows and a nice jawline. They look attractive when they are angry. They know how to make someone feel sexy. They have people chasing them or falling for them fast.

4. Pisces and 12th house placements: these people have no problem ghosting you. Pisces placements and 12H placements are always made out to be innocent and naive, but they are attracted to people and situations that have something a little ��bad” about them. Savior complex. They can go through feelings where they feel detached from social settings and those they love, where they cannot fully escape the role of observer. They will always be able to fully escape into their internal landscape and get consumed by it— but it seems as though no matter how hard they try, they can’t have that same presence in the material world. This can lead to frustrating feelings of disconnection from the world and people around them. They can be smiling and staring off, but you will never fully know what they are thinking. They can make people really curious about them, because their thoughts always catch you off guard. Having an existential crisis on the daily. Casual things might have a bigger internal meaning to them that others might not always understand. We can find plenty of people attractive, but if the spark isn’t felt in the soul and doesn’t pique a deep curiosity, we will get bored and swim away. Liking people who are a bit “mean and dark” but wanting them to be sweet and soft with you. Using music to paint your daydreams, or to escape. Finding music that relates almost entirely to whatever they have on their mind feels like striking gold. They can like someone just for having the same interests as them. Feeling like a ghost in a flesh suit. Enigmatic. Can embody different vibes and personas depending on who they are around. They are sensitive and can adapt to the situations at hand. Too much self awareness can lock them in their heads. “I only jump into waters with the depth of an abyss.” Laying down for hours just to daydream and process your thoughts. Long baths feel like therapy. Moderation isn’t in our vocabulary. We love what we like, and we want to get lost in what we love. Not being able to properly process your day or interactions until you’re alone and can replay them in isolation.

5. Taurus Placements: I noticed Taurus moon women get spoiled financially by their partners. The type for their partners to say “don’t worry, I’ll work and you can be at home,” or that being their partners goal at a point. I noticed Taurus placements can enjoy the occasional shoplifting. They are not going to compromise their comfort, and if you come after that it will be met with intense stubbornness. They can seem nonchalant about a lot of things, but can be extremely unwavering in their opinions on certain things. In some cases, they can have strange eating habits or relationship to food. Thankfully, the Tauruses I’ve been around don’t project that on those around them. It’s more internal from what I’ve noticed, and they can enjoy feeding those they love and care for. They can have great taste in food. They love sensual vices and sex. They look great with pearls. They master an aesthetic and can stick to it. They are fiercely protective of those they love. They can be lazy at their worst and will not want to do anything that requires too much effort. They can be impressively good at couponing. Making money from home is the ideal setup for them. They will spoil their loved ones too, and can be great gift givers. They don’t cheap out with presents for their loved ones. They get much enjoyment from decorating their spaces and hosting their loved ones. They can be prone to overthinking and some may obsessive behaviors or crippling anxiety as well. They can honestly make the best scammers, as terrible as that sounds. They can sell someone a dream and make it sound beautiful, but can be lying through their teeth. Their jealousies can sometimes come from a place of vanity. Watch out for envying others, and appreciate your own beauty. They can focus so much on the beauty around them they forget about their own. They can be the image of beauty and grace, or strive deeply for that. They have pretty and soothing voices. Taurus placements can easily be the funniest person you know when they are in a joyful mood. I also noticed Taurus placements are wonderful at finding vintage pieces and re-selling them!

-D

[ihrtjiro]

hihi i wanna request a mha matchup ^^

character preference-wise i prefer male and i’d like it if you could avoid the adult characters!

as for me, i’m roughly 5’7, blonde w brown eyes (and a girl lol) i’m an ambivert, so im pretty comfortable in social situations but i get overwhelmed quite fast and often end up zoning out/ getting quiet. i’d like to think that i have a good balance between being loud and listening to others but at times i can be a bit of a yapper 🙊 i’m very emotional, so i hate seeing my friends upset (i’m the if ___ cries, i cry type of person).

interests wise, i love science and really want to pursue that as a career (specifically biochemistry). in the same vein, i take my academics really seriously because i don’t play sports at all and genuinely enjoy learning. i also love graphic design as a side hobby and do little projects in my spare time ^^ other hobbies of mine include painting, skiing and gaming.

likes: dogs, kpop, sleeping, playing roblox (lol), iced tea, nerds gummy clusters 🤤

dislikes: math (i’m just bad at it), spiders, needles, and very specifically the point in winter where it’s dark and cold and bleak

hope this is good and thank u smmmm 🎀

a/n; hey heyy! hope u enjoy this :))

your matchup is…

hanta sero !!

sero always tries to be very aware of your behaviors while in social settings! like if you’re not talking/zoned out, he’ll try engage with you specifically to make you feel more welcomed! (he also loves it when you yap.. 🤫)

he also thinks it’s very endearing how seriously you take your academics! it reminds him of iida or yaomomo a lot and it’s very sweet to him :))

i personally hc sero to be good at math because i imagine while training his quirk he had to get really good at measurements when deciding how much tape he wanted to shoot for whatever reason, so he’d easily be able to help you with your math work if you couldn’t do it haha

he’d also shoot out small strips of tape for you to paint and doodle on during classes whenever you got bored <3

i do not permit for my work to be reposted, translated, or stolen. all rights go to ihrtjiro. characters are not mine, unless stated, and belong to their rightful creators.

[yeonkimintakecare]

Washed Up - Chapter 2

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader; Angsty Fic

Summary: You've decided to audition, but will it be that easy?

You run into old acquaintances from the industry and new enemies.

Author's Note: I'm sorry it's taking me so long to write this, but I'm trying to write more lately.

Warnings: mentions of alcoholism, mental health issues, swearing, general angst.

(previous chapter) - (next chapter)

“Sorry! I’m just so proud of you! It doesn’t matter to me if you do the worst acting you’ve ever done. We are going to get through it together! Oh my god, ok. Ok.” Papers shuffle in the background as she mumbles to herself. “ Ok, so I’m sending the script over to you now. Somebody will drop them off in about an hour. Learn them the best you can and I’ll be over tonight to help you. The auditions are next week and we have a lot to work to do. I hear Song Mijoo is also auditioning. She will be tough competition.”

“Song Mijoo? Wasn’t she that rookie idol that wanted to break into acting? I remember just thinking she was okay but she was so stiff whenever she delivered her lines.” You said into the phone, starting to calm down and make yourself a cup of tea.

“Oh, that’s definitely her. But she’s changed a lot over the years, she started working with that one coach, Kim Minji, that worked with your costar on The Star’s Above, Jiwon.” Rina said, keyboard clacking in the background. She’s likely putting everything in motion as fast as she can so that I can’t change my mind. Wise decision on her part.

“Minji is a miracle worker. Anybody who can make Lee Jiwon actually able to cry instead of having to use any artificial tears deserves to win every award.”  You both laugh at that statement. “Ok, tough competition then, so I’ll need to practice as much as a can. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a job.” You say with a chuckle, but it’s a bit empty. You can crack jokes all you want but inside you just feel a huge pit in your stomach.

Were you making the right decision? You didn’t want to mess up and embarrass yourself. Again. And this time you would have to be, painfully, sober. God, this was going to really hard.

Over the 4 days, you read the script and practice the lines. Rina was right, this script did speak to you. It’s about a woman, Eunji,  who was trying to get back into her career and life after years of being a wife to a husband who was negligent. While you lost your career due to your own issues with alcoholism and mental health, you can relate to the her feeling of the loss of her youth and the character’s struggles with her own mental health.

The audition scene is a pivotal part of the show where Eunji has realized her husband is having a child with her best friend. She’s extremely hurt, not just because she’s learning the two most important people in her life are betraying her, but also because she’s never been able to have children, which she has always wanted.

It’s a heart wrenching scene and you just hope that you’re able to portray the feelings you have to, you really want this role and so you start to muster up some feelings from your past. You think about the life you had imagined for yourself when you had just begun in this industry.

You were 16, your mom had gotten you into this high school drama, she had gone to school with one of the producers of the show. You were just an extra with one line in one of the episodes. But then they started calling you back to do other small roles in their other shows. By 18, you had landed your first lead. In a high school drama, you were the main character who was in love with your best friend’s brother. It was a very stereotypical romance drama. But there was a scene in it where you got to show of your dramatic work when the male lead left your character to go study in the England.

After that role you started to book more lead roles and by 22 and decided to take a role about a teacher. The show was an easy one to be on. A show about a teacher who was falling in love with a parent of one of her students. That’s where you met Tae, or I guess V now. He was silly and optimistic. He played a recurring character, he was a teacher who would sometimes be comedic relief.

At first you guys weren’t close, but you could definitely tell he was an attractive man. But you couldn’t date, you had to focus on your career. You were on a fast track to be the top actress in Korea at the time. But then one day he bumped into you, and he was so nervous and cute, which normally wouldn’t have affected you, but then you saw his smile. His adorable wide smile. It’s like all dreams for your future flew out the window and all you could think of was how to get this man to smile at you again.

You soon found yourself searching for him in every scene you did together. You even went as far as asking the writers to make his role larger, pretending that it was just because his character was so funny. He was a very good actor too so it wasn’t hard to pull the strings.

Before you knew it he asked you out, and you knew you shouldn’t but you couldn’t help but say yes to him. Especially after how brightly he smiled at you. It wasn’t much longer until you were kissing him and staying over at his apartment most nights a week. You thought you could live forever in his arms, talking about your goals and dreams.

It was peaceful for a couple months, until a paparazzi caught a photo of you guys while you were getting breakfast after a night you had spent together. Your manager at the time was freaking out and your company had decided the best way to deal with it was to have you deny any relationship with him. They said you couldn’t be seen as the type of girl who was unavailable, not at such a young age. They told you if you wanted to make it, then you had to listen to them. They convinced you that if you weren’t viewed as attractive to your fans, they wouldn’t want to watch you. Claiming that your acting was no good unless he public viewed you as fuckable.  And like a stupid, naive young girl, you believed them.

You snap out of it when you hear Rina walk through the door of your home. She’s holding groceries and walks straight to your kitchen counter.

“I got some dinner, which I figure we can eat right now, but I got us some sweets for when we finish running lines. I thought it would be a nice treat –“ She stops suddenly when she looks at you for the first time. For the first time, you realize that you had been crying. Your eyes were puffy and red, cheeks stained with tears. Rina comes towards you quickly.

“Are you okay? Are you having regrets? We can pull out if we have to. You matter more to me than your comeback.” You smile at her as you shake your head.

“No no, I’m fine. I just was trying to muster up some old feelings so I can connect with the character.” You say, wiping the tears from your face. Rina steps closer and holds you in her arms.

“Ok, well if you decide it’s too much, don’t feel like you’ll disappoint me. I don’t think there is anything you could do that would ever disappoint me.” She pats your back as you feel yourself calm down and like that, you feel like yourself again.

You wipe your face and slap your hands down on your knees, making a loud slapping noise. “Ok, let’s eat and then get to work. I still have a long way to go.”

--

Days of working every minute on your craft, Rina had helped you film your audition and send it in. It took a couple takes, but you selected the best one. You didn’t want to look, but you forced yourself to, as Rina sent it off. You felt like a boulder had been lifted off of your chest. You felt relieved, and almost hopeful.

Some days passed and your anxiety began to grow as you waited for a response. You knew this could take some time, but you just wanted it to be done already. Did you make it to the next stage or was all of this a mistake. You had to keep reminding yourself to not get so negative, but after being out all these years, it just doesn’t feel right to be confident.

A week after you had sent in your tape you were cooking lunch for Rina and you were going to bring it to her office. Both of you were single so you did couple things together, like going to paint classes, picking up groceries together, and sometimes you made her lunch. She was an awful cook, so you offered to cook for her most of the time. You guys don’t live that far apart so its easy to pop into each other’s homes. You have keys for her apartment, as does she for your home.

You enter the building through the back entrance they give to celebrities who don’t want to be photographed. I feel the air change as I step into the office. I see the secretary look at me and look away with a grin. Oh no… I didn’t get it and now everybody is laughing at me. My stomach drops. I was so stupid to even try for it. I should’ve known that I lost my touch. I try to avoid contact with the rest of the workers as I make my way to Rina’s office. I take a breath before I open the door, prepping myself to face disappointment.

When I open the door I’m shocked. Rina has a cake and pops the cork on the "champagne" in her hands as she sees me walk in.

“Congratulations you talented bitch! You made it to a chemistry read! You’re this much closer to getting back into the industry!!” Rina shouts while jumping up and down. You feel a smile creep onto your face as you watch the 30 year old toddler. Did you really do it? Is it really happening? What happens now? Will you be able to prove yourself again, or will you fail again in front of everybody? Your smile drops as you start to spiral. Rina immediately senses what’s going through your head and rushes over to you.

“Hey, it’ll be alright.” She pats your back “Just breath in.” You listen to her. “and breath out.” And you do. “It’ll all work out. I have a feeling that you’ll get the role. I wouldn’t have presented it to you if I didn’t think that you’d be able to do it. But ____ so much time has passed, and look how quickly you fell into it again. You’re a natural, and you’ve been doing this for years. It’s like riding a bike.” She says, comforting you.

You wipe your tears and laugh “ That’s not relatable. You know I don’t know how to ride a bike.”

She laughs at your joke. “Ok, that its as easy as breathing. Acting is like breathing for you. I know because I’ve seen it. You are talented, so talented and so strong that I know you can get this role and get back up onto your feet, and even if you don’t get this role, it doesn’t matter because there are so many other projects that you would absolutely kill it in.”

She’s right, this role is everything, but also nothing. Your life wont end if you don’t land this part, this audition is just your first step out the door, your first toe back into the pool and once you make the plunge, there’s no going back.

--

The next week you arrive to the studio where you’ll be doing your chemistry read. Rina asked who you would be doing the read with and they said it would be the second male lead for now. An idol who is making his acting debut names Jungkook. You’re doing one of the scenes where your character has to reject the second male lead, a man who is higher up in the company but younger than your character. Unfortunately for him, at this point in the story the character has started to fall in love with the CEO of the company, who is also her best friend’s older brother that she has known her whole life. But she has gotten very close with the second male lead, as he has helped her transition back into the work place and they have become very close friends. So the scene is very emotional because they both want to be there for each other, but know that they aren’t on the same page.

Makeup artists touch up your makeup and hair before you sit on a stool in front of a camera. Behind the camera is Rina, several producers, writers, assistants, and the director, Min Yoongi. You’ve worked with him before, but he was only an assistant director back then. You’ve remained on good terms with him, the last time you had worked with him was before you became an alcoholic, although it would be hard for anyone in the industry at that time to have not heard what you became.

“____ How have you been?” Yoongi asks while walking up to you, holding his hand out for a hand shake.

“Yoongi, I’ve been doing well.” You say with a slight smile on your face.

“Genuinely?” He says with a concerned look on his face. You know that some people would be offended by this, but you know that he’s a straight forwards guy who just wants to make sure you aren’t going to ruin his project if you land the part.

You draw a deep breath in. “Genuinely. I’ll be candid with you, I’m 6 years sober.” You say, knowing that with him, you have to be honest. It’s probably one of the only things that he truly respects about a person.

With that he offers you one of his signature closed mouth smiles where just the corners go up. “Good, that’s good.” He says giving you a pat on the shoulder. One reason why you guys always got along was that you didn’t have to talk a lot to understand each other. You both were quiet and reserved people who just focused on the work they had to do. “Alright, lets get this started. Taehyung should be here any minute now.”

And like that the breath left your chest. You hear Rina pounce as you feel unable to move.

“I thought she would be doing a read with Jungkook today? That’s what she’s rehearsed for. Why weren’t we notifies of this change?” she says, you see Yoongi withdraw back into himself, clearly intimidated by your best friends protective mama bear side. One of the producers speaks up instead. A younger woman in a classy dress with a neat bob with blunt bangs.

“Jungkook had some idol promotion work that came up and we are running a tight schedule, V was available. Does she want this or not? If she’s truly a good actress like everybody had said she was, then she should be able to read the lines with him.” You can’t help but notice a slight smirk on her face. You can’t help having noticed her ‘was’ when talking about your acting skills. She was challenging you. And you knew you couldn’t disappoint everybody again, you had to prove to everybody that you still have what it takes to be a top star.

Rina starts to respond but you stop her. “You’re absolutely right, Miss…?” you ask.

“LaLisa Manobal, but most people know me as Lisa” she says with an eyebrow raised to you.

“Ah yes, I’ve hear of your work Miss Manobal.” You had heard of her years before. She was an idol from a young age who went solo and had wanted to getting into some of behind the scenes work of making drama. It seems that she’s succeeded now.  “Well, I can assure you that I am still perfectly capable of a simple chemistry read.” You say with fake arrogance. The truth is this wasn’t simple. It was the furthest thing from it. Soon you were going to have to see the only man you have ever loved for the first time since you broke his heart six years ago. ‘

“V’s car just pulled up, they’re bringing him up now.” One of the PAs says to Yoongi. You feel your heart stop, you start to breath faster as you feel your heart beating so loud that you’re scared they can all hear it.

You breathe in. You breathe out. You’ve got this. You practiced this. You worked so hard for this. Breath in. Breathe out.

“You okay?” Rina mouths from behind the camera. You nod. You are okay. Not good, not bad, just okay.

That’s when you hear the door click open, some body guard and managers walk through first and that’s when you see him.

Kim Taehyung. Your Tae. The only man you’ve ever loved.

(next chapter)

[booasaur]

Harlem spoilers

I loved the finale SO MUCH omg like Quinn deciding to take time for herself is so unexpected of a storyline but so actually good for her? Like she has been dating nonstop since the pilot so I think a season 3 storyline where she’s by herself figuring herself out is so good.

Then Tye. OMG what a TWIST. Aimee being Zoe’s Mom???? OOH I’m excited

Not sure how I feel about Angie getting proposed because it is fast but also it does kinda work for a Angie tbh and we don’t know how much time has passed really they haven’t told us

Then Camille her finally finally buckling down and focusing in her career when she’s been all over the place career wise since season 1?? And Pruitt maybe deciding to fight for her to stay?????? My god.

THEN. THEN THE CLIFFHANGER OMG THE CLIFFHANGER. It’s gotta be Angie right? Her storyline is the only one that would work with a pregnancy! Quinn can’t find herself if she’s strapped to a baby daddy (also I think we would’ve heard if Grace’s husband was becoming a recurring? Like I know season 3 isn’t confirmed yet but I just feel like that would be something we would’ve heard about if they were planning on making him more than a cameo and they would’ve put more effort into Quinn and Keith’s relationship if that was the case) Then Camille this whole season has been about her and Ian and her eggs I don’t see them rehashing that. Then Tye obvi can’t be pregnant. So it’s GOTTA be Angie I feel.

Thank you for the spoiler warning!

I already spoke about Quinn in the previous ask and lol, the Aimee and Zoe thing is such a mess. I wonder if they'll try to have Aimee and Tye make a go of it but it'll be too weird in the ennd. The Angie proposal definitely feels early but I suppose there's no reason to not go ahead with an engagement if they're both ready, and they seem like they are.

Very happy to see Camille winning at work and making a decision about no kids and not feeling guilted because Ian does want them and she's cost him so much already, which, to be clear, she didn't make him do any of this, but she feels responsible all the same.

Now, the cliffhanger. Both you and the previous anon implied that it can't be Quinn because it'd disrupt her finding herself storyline but I don't know if the writers would choose storylines based on least disruption, in fact, I kind of think they'd go for max. :x

It's true that it'd fit so well with Angie's storyline, but that's why I wonder if it might not be her. Or if it is her, then Mike's not the father. There's no fun in things going smoothly, as we've seen with all the other romances. I doubt it's Tye, of course, though I suppose one can never rule that out, but we'll put it in the least likely category for now.

The thing is, unless this is the last season, a baby doesn't really fit the show's vibe, though I can see them being supportive through the season during a pregnancy and rushing to the hospital at the end of the season to all be there for the baby being born. But then how would another season go? Bringing a baby to their lunches or constantly looking for a babysitter? So I wonder if possibly they might go with an abortion storyline, in which case I could see that being Camille's very tough arc, knowing how much Ian wants kids and the improbability of getting another chance at a pregnancy vying with her career and simply being unsure about it all. It'd be another reason to keep Ian in the show, since Tyler Lepley seems a regular along with the main four ladies.

On the other hand, the show may not go with abortion and instead highlight the dangers to expecting Black parents through pregnancy, delivery, and after, in the American healthcare system. In that case, I could see it being Quinn after all. And the show might decide that it's not going to be pigeonholed as just friends drinking and hanging out all the time and slowly work in children.

The other thing to keep in mind is that while Angie's s3 would be filled with the engagement/wedding, Tye with this romantic mess, Camille possibly with her career (and maybe Jameson??), learning to be at peace with yourself is more a passive thing. So, if they're trying to plan s3 storylines, that might be how Quinn's goes.

On the other hand, that seems brutal for her, to go from depression to, well, an unwanted pregnancy, to put it brutally, to then what, an exhausted mother in s4? Plus, like you said, the thing with Keith was so weak, like a little placeholder relationship that only existed to not be significant.

Honestly, I've just spilled out all my thoughts and really have no idea which way they're leaning. It all comes down to the stories they want to tell.

[mysticinsightstarot]

Hey,

I missed you ☺️

Could you please do a detailed reasing on my career.

I’m planning to go to nyu for vocal performance studies. My career is in entertainment industry acting, dance, music, modelling

So please give a detailed on these i dont know where my life is heading to the plans i made has been changed.

Thank you

Yupz why not loads of love and blessings sweetheart 💕 💖

Here's your reading :

✨🌟 Career Tarot Spread for the Entertainment Field 🌟✨

Hey, beautiful soul! 🌙✨ Ready to dive into the depths of your entertainment career path? Let’s see what the cards have to say! 🎭💫

1. Current Career Situation (Justice)

You’re at a point where things are balancing out. ⚖️ Justice shows that you’re seeking fairness, truth, and alignment in your career. You’re making decisions based on what’s right for you, and karma is at play. 🌟 What you put out is what you’ll get back, so keep those intentions pure! 🌸

2. Hidden Strengths (Empress, 3 of Wands, The Chariot)

OMG, talk about powerhouse energy! 💪 The Empress shows that you’re bursting with creativity, nurturing vibes, and abundance. 🌼 You’ve got the power to bring ideas to life, like an artist with a magic touch. 🎨

The 3 of Wands? You’re not just dreaming—you’re planning, expanding, and ready to take on the world! 🌍 And with The Chariot, you’ve got the drive and determination to make it all happen. 🚀 You’re unstoppable, babe!

3. Challenges to Overcome (4 of Cups)

Feeling a little "meh"? 😒 The 4 of Cups suggests you might be missing out on opportunities because you’re stuck in your feels or just not vibing with what’s in front of you. 🥤💔 It’s time to shake things up and start seeing the potential in every situation—even the ones that seem boring at first glance!

4. Opportunities Ahead (6 of Swords)

Smooth sailing ahead! 🚤 The 6 of Swords is all about moving from choppy waters to calm seas. There’s an opportunity for you to transition into a better place in your career. Maybe a new project, a change of environment, or even relocating could be on the horizon. 🌅 Get ready for a fresh start!

5. Creative Inspiration (The Lovers)

The Lovers? Yes, please! 💕 This card shows that inspiration comes when you connect with others on a deep, soulful level. Partnerships, collaborations, or even just working on something you’re passionate about can light your creative fire. 🔥 Follow your heart, and the muse will follow you!

6. Networking and Collaboration (The Star, The Moon, Ace of Pentacles)

Networking game strong! 💫 The Star encourages you to dream big and shine bright—it’s all about hope and being your authentic self. 🌠 The Moon adds a touch of mystery and intuition—trust your gut when connecting with others. 🌙 And with the Ace of Pentacles, those connections could bring solid, tangible opportunities your way. 💸 New projects, financial gains, or even that big break you’ve been waiting for!

7. Long-Term Career Vision (8 of Cups)

The 8 of Cups shows you might feel the need to walk away from what no longer serves you. 🚶‍♀️ This is all about seeking deeper fulfillment and meaning in your career. It’s not just about the glitz and glam—you’re searching for something that resonates with your soul. 🌌 Keep following that inner calling!

8. Advice for Success (4 of Pentacles, 8 of Wands)

Hold on to your resources and stay grounded (4 of Pentacles), but don’t be afraid to act fast when opportunities arise (8 of Wands)! 💨💥 This combo says to be wise with your time, energy, and money, but also be ready to pounce when the moment is right. 🐾 Stay flexible and keep the momentum going!

9. Potential Outcome (9 of Wands, 2 of Pentacles, High Priestess)

It’s going to be a journey, but you’ve got this! 🛤️ The 9 of Wands shows resilience—yeah, you might feel tired and battle-worn, but you’re so close to a breakthrough! 🛡️ The 2 of Pentacles asks you to keep balancing all those spinning plates. ⚖️ And the High Priestess? Trust your intuition and let your inner wisdom guide you through. 🌙🔮

Bottom of the Deck (10 of Swords)

Oof, the 10 of Swords. 😬 There might be an ending or a tough situation that’s been weighing you down, but remember: with every ending comes a new beginning. 🌅 This is your chance to rise, stronger and wiser than before. 🦅

Channeled Song: "Cheap Thrills" by Sia 🎶

You don’t need expensive things to feel alive—just the rhythm of the music and the passion in your heart. 💃🎤 Keep that energy up, and remember: sometimes, the simplest joys are the most fulfilling!

Keep shining, star! 🌟 You’re on your way to something truly magical in the entertainment world. 🎬✨

[blackbat05]

Personal Rant:

I know everyone around me is trying to be helpful but it comes a point where I wonder if they think that I’m not doing anything to get myself out of this situation. Because if that’s the case, it is a whole bunch of crap.

My mom sent me a career fair posting near our house and she suggested that I could go and then head to the airport (more on that later). I think because previously I expressed that despite that horrible experience, I found myself interested working with that particular group of clients.

Fast forward, I think I signed up for career fairs at both my Alma matters but it was either I didn’t get much out of it or the industries weren’t of my interest. Tbh, I think I was also seriously exhausted and frustrated.

So, I woke up this morning and my mom went around the lines of “yeah, you should go”. I mean nothing wrong but it irked me in the sense that I was already considering to go and with this comment it feels as if I’m incapable of making a wise decision and that I don’t want to help myself.

I know we booked the ticket months ago but it was only because my mom suggested and she didn’t want to leave me alone at home again (probably with all my depressive thoughts).

The date coincided with my favorite singers (that I loved since 14) concert but I wasn’t even to bothered about it but now this job fair thingy just makes me very ambivalent about this trip like I’m not even in the right mind to take a boat and cross the straits let alone a whole plane flight.

I really don’t want to sound like a brat but my thoughts are invasive and I needed a space to vent instead of voicing it out and potentially hurting more people in the process. Actually at this point I don’t know what is good and bad for my mental health anymore jsjsjsjs.

[mirrorballannie]

i can’t stop listening to taylor swift’s “never grow up”

dear reader,

i am writing this as i now spend this quite beautiful morning in my old university, staring at the beauty and grandiose of my old college building. i feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia as i ponder here while seeing students rush to their morning classes when just a few months ago, i was them.

i am about to make an important step towards an incoming major change in my life and what better way to start the day than in a place of love and comfort; in a place where i have cultivated friendships and memories i know i will treasure for a lifetime; a place i have chosen for myself since i was four years old and still completely clueless about the world. that seems like a lifetime ago. nineteen years to be exact.

nineteen years since four year old me proclaimed so adamantly and so decidedly that i would one day attend this university. six years since i transferred here for eleventh and twelfth grade. four years since i entered college. three months since i graduated.

time is a very curious thing. if i don’t think too much about it, i feel as if i am running underwater or stuck in mud…stagnant, unmoving, or, to put it plainly, just impossibly slow. that major change can’t come soon enough to my liking!

but—and i don’t think i truly have comprehended this before this minute second i am taking to write this—you rarely realize how fast you’re actually going if you never think to pause for a moment and admire how far you’re already come. and that leaves an equally comforting and unsettling feeling in me.

while i take comfort in knowing that the seeds that i planted are finally taking root, and while i take pride in my younger self for achieving all that she has ever set herself out to achieve, the me right now is also frightened.

my childhood friends, high school friends and i have long diverged paths. and it has been such an honor to witness each and every one of them thriving in their own chosen journeys. soon, my college friends and i will also be pulled in a multitude of different directions and to be perfectly honest i am okay with that. we have different dreams and ambitions and i know i will forever cheer on them from the sidelines (and them for me as well).

i guess what i’m trying to say is, a part of me is afraid to let go of what i know, of what gives me comfort. i am afraid that taking a step towards something i desire career-wise will also be a step away from the life younger me had. and it was a generally great life.

don’t worry, dear reader, i know i have healthy friendships and connections so all of this is just my anxious thoughts working its way up my brain. i am truly excited for this next chapter in my life. i cannot wait any longer. what i need time for is for me to become acquainted with all the byproducts this change will bring with it.

i’ll keep you posted again soon!

yours truly,

mirrorball annie

[witchconnectingdotes]

Hello! How are you doing? Thank you for doing the reading, I'd like to participate. May I know what's coming up for me for the rest months of this year? Thank you! -V

Hiii V Im good hbuu?

Cards : queen of pentacles 4 of swords magician ace of pentacles the lovers the 2 of cups and the 2 of pentacles.

From now till December I see mostly an improvement in your situation, career and study wise. I feel like you will be learning new set of tools or gnu set of knowledge that will help you in your career. You’re stepping into a more stable situation, either in finances or in studies, or you feel just like that you will be more confident about your knowledge in about what you know you might lose interest for some people are for some hobbies that you’ve had. I feel like these last months until December. There is a bit of a mess. When it comes to passion, there’s a bit of a lack of passion or disinterest in some things that you were otherwise passionate About. It might also feel like there might be a falling off with some people or with a group of people that she used to study with or you used to spend time with and it’s because of some tension around you guys that will be resolved with a bit of an impulsive talk, or an impulsive conversation is a fast-paced conversation. During October though I see that there might be a gnu love opportunity, or someone that would want to pursue some commitment with you some sort of commitment but I think that you will be very chill about it like it’s not gonna be some thing that will be as interesting to you. During these months you will just sleep on it it feels like you will just sleep on it and think OK whatever let’s go with the flow and see where this is going. But I feel like later on you might settle with this person what started as a OK let’s go with the flow situation will grow into a more loving bond. You will have to juggle between this person and your career or studies and they understand that because they are probably from either the same environment as you or they have a good understanding of your situation so they’re not going to pressure you into anything they will take it as you want it there will be very loving. It’s gonna be a good partnership. We’re both parties feel validated and understood and loved so I’m happy for you. This is going to be a stable and equal partnership.

Have a blessed day/night ❤️

[lungsandlips]

He wasn’t going to push. That was never his intention. They were just fresh off the meeting with her mom and her comments about Jane - the two of them had practically walked into it. Kade was not so delusional that he thought he could fix all of her problems or even thought that she wanted him to. While things were heating up between them romance wise they still barely knew one another. It wasn’t his place, not unless she asked him for help and even then he could only do so much. He would certainly try though, if she ever wanted him to. There were many connections he had that he would be willing to share but it was more than just her career. They were talking about her family. Her mother. Nothing was ever so simple when family was involved. All he could do in the moment was be supportive, reassure her that he would be there for her. He had a feeling that even if there wasn’t this spark between them that he would be willing to help. She was far too kind to turn a blind eye. “Suppose you’re right there. Kind of an all eyes on us situation, isn’t it?” Kade had always loved the attention, craved it some days, but he knew what it was like to be overwhelmed by it too. It was entirely up to his imagination on what it would be like when that was coupled with an overbearing mother. “I like sugar, if I’m being completely honest. I mean, most people do.” But Kade really liked sugar. Where regular food often failed him he could always handle sweets. He tried not to, focusing instead on safer foods that were maybe a little better for him but he was definitely a sucker for treats. “Yeah? Bet it beats protein shakes. Might have to try it.”

Aurora was sweet trying to make him feel better about having tried to warn her away from him but it didn’t change the fact that he’d done it. The whole thing felt bad in the moment because he’d been telling her the exact opposite of what he wanted, afraid she’d get in too deep and want out. Afraid to get his heart broken. Things had clearly gone another way entirely but that fear was still there. What if she saw something in him suddenly that she didn’t like? Kade was getting so close so fast he knew he’d do some stupid shit if they were to suddenly break up in an attempt to hide his hurt feelings. She didn’t deserve that. There was no reason to waste any energy even thinking about it but Kade was so used to things going poorly he couldn’t help it. He smiles as she kisses his hand and suddenly the worries are washed away. It’s amazing how she can do that, look up at him with those lovely eyes and just make it all okay. Aurora simply must have super powers, he’s convinced. “That… was incredibly sappy. And I loved every word.” Chuckling a little he let go of her hand in favor of cupping her cheek, running his thumb along the soft flesh there. So stunning. “So glad I got stuck with you.” It wasn’t nearly as charming but he meant it. Anyone else would have come and gone without a second thought, Kade was sure.

Aurora felt Kade's hand wrap around hers, and she smiled gratefully, but it wasn't quite having the same calming effect as his touch usually had. The topic was too strained for her, too hard to talk about without 20+ years of emotion bubbling up. It was even hard for her to articulate to someone on the outside, too much anxiety behind trying to explain herself adequately, that she usually didn't even try. Not that anyone really asked, anyway. Until Kade, of course. It still wasn't easy to talk to him about it, but she genuinely appreciated the concern coming from him; clearly, he wasn't satisfied with her current situation, and it was touching to know that he cared so much. But even with all that said, she knew he probably wouldn't understand; not for lack of trying, but because they had just grown up so differently. Being born into a family that already had such a big name must have been hectic in its own way, but probably not nearly as stressful as growing up with a mother who insisted on being involved with every step of Aurora's career. She couldn't fault her mother at all, though; Aurora had certainly needed a gentle nudge every once in a while to keep going. And Aurora loved her career -- but she couldn't help wondering sometimes, where she would be if her mother was as easygoing as Kade's parents seemed to be. She let out a light laugh, as if it was a topic that didn't bother her as much as it did. "If I wanted to not care about what other people wanted, it was probably a bad idea to get involved in acting." She glanced up as Kade went silent, and a light smile formed on her lips. "I told you it was good. And the sugar high always helped for long filming days."

She nodded eagerly, squeezed his hand reassuringly. At this point, Aurora fully believed there wasn't anything that Kade couldn't do, if he wanted to. Her brows raise slightly as he speaks, mentions what he had told her, before this whole wild ride had started. She frowns lightly, immediately interjecting before he can get past his first thought. "You don't have to keep feeling bad about that." She says quickly, in a tone that she hopes conveys just how much she means it. Admittedly, Kade's words a bit hard for her to believe; not because of Kade himself, but because she's never known anyone to feel that way about her, see her as something so...special. But she immediately feels that way, any time Kade looks at her. She shakes her head gently, leans forward as she lifts his hand up to rest her mouth against it. She kisses his skin softly, lips lingering for a moment before she tilts her chin to look up at him. "The only place I'm looking is the future. With you."

[suckitsurveys]

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? The door automatically closes behind me. It was the back door to our office and it remains closed and locked for security.

Stripes or polka dots? Both are cute.

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Um, as a general rule, don’t fucking touch me??? But like, if someone is consoling me and talking to me, then I don’t mind if they have a hand on my shoulder or even a hug or something. But even then that’s usually someone I’m close to anyway.

What is your gender? I’m a woman.

Do you think that people think its obvious? Gender isn’t obvious bro. Yes I do realize the irony in saying bro haha.

How long did your first date last? My very first date ever? I don’t remember, that was ages ago.

Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? Yes, a feature wall and some accents in this office are purple.

Highlight of your day? Finding out not only is John Mulaney’s new special coming to Netflix April 25th, but also Pete Davidson’s new show is coming to Peacock May 4th! What a day!

Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? I mean, travel-wise, a plane. I wouldn’t mind going out on a boat for the day though.

Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? For the most part, yeah.

Can you cook? I get by.

How high is your ceiling? We have pretty low ones in the apartment since we are in the basement. In the office I am in I’d say they are at least 10ft.

Whats the worst job you can think of? I don’t know, that’s objective.

Do you swear a lot? I do oops.

Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? She does.

Is everything working in your house? Our oven has been broken for 3 years now haha. We have just been using the toaster oven lol.

Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? Uh, a pool, hands down. Does pop give you energy? Eh.

TV show you love with a passion? BoJack Horseman. Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Blech.

Perfect age to get married? The perfect age doesn’t exist, as long as you feel you are ready (and both of you are legal consenting adults) then fuckin go for it.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Ehhh not quite.

Name a career path that women are known for taking. Any career path they fucking want.

Favorite type of cookie? Those pre-cut Pillsbury sugar cookies with the holiday designs.

A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Humor.

What would I find if I looked in your pocket? Nothing.

What was your first word? I have no idea.

A musical instrument you wouldn’t mind learning how to play? Piano.

Last time you went to 7-eleven? It’s been a bit. The last time I remember going was maybe the end of summer, early fall?

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? Burger King because the food is gross and Chick-Fil-A because the owners are gross.

Does everyone in your family have a job? My father is retired.

Going anywhere this weekend? I have no definite plans as of right now.

Is your room ever clean? Right now its kind of storage for a few pieces of furniture until my sister moves into her new place and I can put them there so it is a bit of a mess.

What does it mean when youre being quiet? That I’m not talking?

Last person you had a face to face conversation with? My coworker.

Where’s your phone? It’s just right next to me.

Do you know the difference between your and you’re? Yep.

How late did you stay up last night? Until about midnight.

Anyone you’re ready to kill? Yes. Or just make not exist.

Do you need to get a tan? I never “need” to tan because I don’t care if I am or not.

What do you want? To sleep. And also cheese fries.

Favorite TV show as a kid? Oh SO many. Pokemon was a big one. Almost everything on Nickelodeon. Garfield and Friends. Tiny Toons. Powerpuff Girls

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? The Big Bang Theory.

How many times have you been in love? Twice.

Go camping or go to a party? Camping, but depends on the party.

Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? My sister used to let me have “swear time” when she’d babysit me. I was like, 4 or 5 when that started, lol.

How many years older than you would you date someone? Mark is 5 years older than me. What was the last thing you pinky swore on? Oof, I can’t remember; but I am sure it was with my nieces.

Would you consider yourself a nice person? Yeah, mostly.

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? No.

Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? I mean, it’s possible one has lived there before we did? Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? Yeah, actually one of my coworkers does. It’s WEIRD.

True or false: Glee is annoying. True.

Last thing you cooked? I made some pesto pasta stuff the other day to take to lunch with me.

Do you use slang often? Sure.

Wear glasses? Yep. Cannot function without them. About how old was the last person that hit on you? My husband is 38.

What color are your headphones? I have a purple pair and a blue pair.

Would you make a good teacher? Why? No, because that sounds awful.

Don’t you hate those commercials that try too hard? Don’t we all.

Is the fan on? No.

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? Nope.

What does the last text message you sent say? It was a sad face emoji.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Yeah, in a heartbeat.

Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? I have not logged out of a website in YEARS.

What color are your underwear? Burgundy.

How short are your nails? They are SO LONG. I am getting them done today and I’m going to have her cut them a little bit.

Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? Depends.

Favorite holiday? Halloween.

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yes.

Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? Depends on the amount of spiders and type of spiders. Like, black widows? I’d be dead.

Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? I don’t even know what that is.

Do you eat a lot of food? Uh huh.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yeah..

Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? For the most part.

How many people do you text daily? On average like 1-4. Usually my husband, my friend Lolly, and sometimes my friend Sarah or Ellen, sometimes my sister.

Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? Nope.

Is there anyone who you call by their last name? No.

When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? The other day I watched a couple of Grav3Yard Girl videos.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? Yup.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Yesterday I held my niece’s hand while we were crossing the street.

How many meals have you eaten today, so far? Just lunch.

Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” Not at all?

Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? It might be?

Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? Nope.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? Emperor’s New Groove.

[w-ht-w]

The perils of following your career passion (WorkLife podcast)

passionate work is a luxury, while income is a necessity. And there's also the question of talent. Not everyone can be anything. Don't just take it from me. Take it from the great psychologist Chris Rock, 

"I want you children to know you can be anything you want to be!" Like, lady, why are you lying to these children? Maybe four of them could be anything they want to be. But the other 2,000 better learn how to weld. Tell the kids the truth. You could be anything you're good at, as long as they're hiring.

^ I don’t think this is entirely true. If you find a need in an underserved community, you could make your own way and become an entrepreneur. Collect best practices, and take it to a place that needs it. If the job market does not reflect the needs of the world, you can create your own work.

The thing about passions is that we often settle on them when we're young. The danger is getting locked in. Most of the time, our early passions are not the best guide to our later careers. There are so many things about the future and about yourself that you don't understand. You don't know what future you is going to be like.

I'm all for working in a career that's a perfect fit for your passion. But hunting for that perfect fit can be a real source of agony. There's evidence that searching for a calling leaves college students feeling indecisive, uncomfortable and confused. You might be one of the fortunate few to quickly find a career outlet for your passion. Everyone else just flounders around feeling lost.

Passion can develop over time; don’t quit / give up immediately.

Passion is a consequence of effort, not just a cause. Take a recent study of entrepreneurs. When they weren't excited about their start-ups, but put time in anyway, they actually became more enthusiastic over the next week. Their passion grew as they made progress.

When people try to follow their passion, they were less likely to consider other areas of interest where passion could develop, and less likely to anticipate difficulties. And when they did run into obstacles, they were more likely to lose interest and give up.

When young adults have the idea, the mind-set that passions are discovered whole, they're, like, in you, you just have to poke around for a while and get to it, they are much more likely, for example, to get easily discouraged when they try something like reading a difficult passage on a topic that was initially interesting. Very quickly, that interest falls off if you have that mind-set.

So the problem is the advice to "follow your passion" reflects a fixed mind-set. It assumes your interests are stable. So if you don't immediately enjoy a field or a task, the writing is on the wall: this must not be your passion. But that's a mistake. You don't want to quit the moment you don't like a job, because passion can grow over time.

For so many people, the first year on the job is not a great year.And it would be very easy to get discouraged and think, "Oh, I thought medicine was for me," or law or marketing or whatever,"but I guess not."

So, [as] a rule: you don't quit on a bad day.

You should not quit things when you're in that acute period of pain and disappointment and self-doubt. I always recommend quitting things on good days. You know, if you come in and it's a nice Thursday morning and everything is going reasonably well, and you still want to quit, well, there is maybe something going on.

Conventional wisdom is outdated in a fast-changing world. Instead of a plan-and-implement approach, try test-and-learn.

As wise as older generations can be, [their] career plans for us are not always on target.

conventional wisdom used to be wise. ... Now, today, the world's changing so fast that people become wise for a world that's no longer there.

In a stable world, it made sense to figure out your career goal and then map the steps to achieve it. That's what my students often try to do. Experts call it the plan-and-implement strategy.

When my dad was a kid, you know, you pick a career and you go into, basically, a 40-year tunnel and you come out for retirement.

But today, careers are rarely that linear. You're not picking a tunnel anymore. Careers are really fluid and the world's changing quickly.

So instead of plan-and-implement, we might be better off with a different approach. It's called test-and-learn. Think of yourself a little like a scientist, running experiments on your career. You have a hypothesis that a job might be a good learning opportunity, and you're going to try it out to find out if you're right or wrong. One recent study looked at people who had career catapults that launched them onto the fast track to become CEOs or top executives in major companies. They didn't plan those moves in advance. They just kept their eyes open for interesting challenges. For some, it was taking a step sideways or even backward to build something from scratch. For others, it was inheriting a big mess and proving they could clean it up. For many, it was taking a big leap outside their comfort zones.

It doesn't have to be perfect. A lot of times, you get surprised by something you learn when you're there and it leads to something you never expected.

Focus less on having a picture-perfect career; focus more on being competent.

Expecting to love your work is a really high bar. Take a study of college seniors. The ones who were looking for the ideal job felt more negative emotions throughout the job search and ended up less happy with the job they ultimately got. The higher your expectations, the more disappointed you are by everything you don't enjoy about a job. When you're aiming for nirvana, there's a bigger gap between what you want and what you get. You're always evaluating, never experiencing. 

You're left wondering whether there's something better, so you end up comparing the job you have to what might have been, which leaves you with regret. Chasing happiness can chase it away. 

Besides, most entry-level jobs aren't designed to be fun. ... recruiters often try to paint a rosy picture of the job to entice you. Extensive research shows it works. But then it leaves you less productive and more likely to quit. You want to go in with a realistic job preview: an honest portrait of the work, warts and all. Yeah, you might be a little less excited to start. But the data show you're more likely to perform well and stick around.

Often, we're so enamored with the ideal of a job that we don't pay enough attention to what it involves day-to-day. 

Not everyone is going to find a personal paradise at work. Some colleagues and I have found that many people have unanswered callings: passions they never got to pursue in their careers. Sometimes, they're perfectly content to do them as hobbies on the side. In other cases, they find small ways to incorporate those passions into their jobs. 

So, when you're thinking about your career, the best place to start is not to follow your passion. ... a better place to start is ... 

Your job is not always going to fulfill you. And the number one lesson I could offer you, where your work is concerned, is this: become so skilled, so vigilant, so flat-out fantastic at what you do, that your talent cannot be dismissed.

1. https://www.ted.com/talks/worklife_with_adam_grant_the_perils_of_following_your_career_passion/transcript?referrer=playlist-worklife_with_adam_grant_mar_2019&language=en

[dmss-blog-salian]

Blog Post - 01

Why Representation in Media is Destined to Fail

Like most other millennial humans, I spent my childhood binge-consuming almost every film or series I could get my hands on. Of course, a lot of this included western or various other foreign content. I enjoyed some of them and the others… Well, let’s just say that they were extremely forgettable. 

Fast forward to now, I keep people screaming this term. It’s called ‘Representation’. I’ve heard that term before but nowhere near as much I hear it now and definitely not within the same context. Apparently, in western nations, people groups outside of the white majority are not happy with the lack of and/or negative representation in the media. I can see where they’re coming from. 

You grow up in a country and its culture. You spend time and money to watch the shows and films produced by this culture, but then all you see are a bunch of people who look nothing like you. I can understand the frustration. So, the demand for representation makes sense, but, hear me out before you get ‘triggered’... I think representation is overrated and it’s destined to be a failure. 

Let me explain.

Representation is fine. It’s nice to see diversity on the screen or within the pages of a bestselling novel. However, in my personal experience, these representations are largely vacuous. I mean they’re absolutely pointless. 

You see, I’m an Indian who grew up in India - you know, the real Indian. Everytime I see my fellow countrymen and countrywomen yell and scream about representation, I become amused. Why? Well, it’s because any attempt to represent Indians will never be authentic enough and I’m sure this is true for every other ethnicity and culture. 

In fact, what is authentic when it comes to representation? Culture and society is incomprehensibly diverse. How can we expect any creator to get it right 100% of the time? Even in my own culture, which falls under the broad category of “Indian”, it is impossible to decipher who or what is Indian. 

In fact, even when Indians are represented in western media, I can hardly relate. Yes, you’ve got your brown skinned man or woman. But that’s about it. Indianness goes beyond brown skin. Indian representation, even when it’s done “right”, barely scratches the surface. Having said that, this is not a rant or a critique. I genuinely feel representation is overrated largely because it is hard for anyone in a foreign culture to acquire a complete understanding of what it means to be Indian. I’m sure this sentiment is shared by my fellow humans from other ethnicities and cultures. 

To illustrate my point, let’s look at ‘Master of None’. ‘Master of None’ is an American sitcom starring popular Indian comedian Aziz Ansari. The show revolves around Ansari’s character Dev Shah, a struggling 30 year old Actor. The general narrative focuses on the struggles and triumphs of a 2nd generation Indian migrant with regard to his career, romantic relationships and various other personal experiences. 

I found the show to be generally entertaining and humorous. However, representation-wise, the show failed to meet the standard of “authentic”. You see, the show’s protagonist is only Indian when it comes to skin color and appearance. I couldn’t relate to him as an Indian in any other manner. 

For instance, the major focus of the show is romantic relationships. We see Ansari’s character looking for love, going on dates, and finding himself in hilarious and awkward scenarios. This is one of the segments where I simply couldn’t relate. Dating or pursuing your own romantic interests is still very much forbidden in India. As an average Indian, I couldn’t even dream of finding my own partner. Arranged marriages are still how the vast majority of Indians enter into marital union. ‘Master of None’ loses me here. 

But, that’s not all. What I found even more amusing is that Ansari’s character is called Dev Shah. That’s a name that you will typically find being used in the Northern parts of India. However, in the show, the flashbacks of the character’s past show him speaking Tamil, which is a language spoken in the southern state of Tamil Nadu. Interestingly enough, Ansari himself is the son of Tamilian immigrants in real life. This, in my opinion, is poor research on the part of the show’s creators and again, a failure to be authentic. The fact that Ansari himself failed to notice this is an indicator of how disconnected the average American-Indian is from his/her roots. 

As I stated earlier, some cultures are just too complex to pin down. Errors like the ones discussed above are almost unavoidable. Even so, Master of None was still an entertaining show. 

At the end of the day, what makes a movie/TV show/game entertaining and enjoyable is the plot, the narrative, the performance, the character arc etc. For instance, some of my favorite films from the west happen to consist of an all white cast. That’s because they had a narrative or storyline that was far more relatable than any of the characters. I didn’t have my mind blown by ‘Terminator II: Judgement Day’ because it had an Indian character (which it did not); I was mind blown because of the special effects and the existential dread it induced in me with the whole “machines vs. humans” narrative. Now, that’s something most people, irrespective of ethnic or cultural identity, can relate to. 

How This Relates To My Own Practice:

In conclusion, all I’d like to say is that creators shouldn't be burdened with impossible to achieve standards. Creating art should be fun - a thing born of passion; a labor of love. Everything doesn’t have to be politically correct. Everyone’s interests don’t need to be catered to. Good art transcends these trivialities. 

This is what I aim to focus on in my own work. Representation has its place but I do not intend to sacrifice creativity, engagement and entertainment at the altar of representation. 

Source:

Copes, C. (2021). Why All Representation in Media is Flawed. [online] BLK INK. Available at: https://medium.com/blk-ink/why-all-representation-in-media-is-flawed-e4068a5268fa.

Complex. (n.d.). Aziz Ansari, Diversity, and Being Able to Finally See Yourself on TV. [online] Available at: https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/11/indian-american-representations-television.

‌ Wikipedia. (2022). Master of None. [online] Available at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_of_None#Critical_response [Accessed 10 Jan. 2023].

[cozycottagetarot]

Who's Coming In & Why? (General)

Here’s the thing… I'd love to tell you this is all love and friendships, but it’s not. It’s more of a who’s coming in to help you move forward.

Still, I’m posting it because it may still resonate with some people.

However, I will do a second reading of the same topic in the future focusing on love and friendships in particular.

Check out my Paid Readings ✨

PILE 1 — The Inspiration

Energy surrounding them: Queen of Pentacles

I see this as being some person you need to move you forward, be it a general mentor, someone with a career, or someone to get you motivated to get up and take action (the latter comes through strongest) . They could be well off, not necessarily lavishly rich, but more so in the sense of being a better situation than you. There could be a nurturing or gentle energy to them as well.

The vibes I get: Vision boards, goals, goal setting, power move

Why they’re coming in? The Empress, Judgement, The Tower (all reversed)

There may be some kind of disharmony in your life, particularly with you. You may be too much into your masculine energy (logic and material) and neglecting your feminine energy (nurturing, intuition). It could be a matter of self confidence and unhappiness with how your life is going. This person is coming in to put you back on track, and shift your perspective. Them entering your life will help you to face your fears and release any self doubt you may have. They may help you to avoid ending up in a bad place. Because all your cards keep coming out reversed (even though I didn’t want to take all reversals) I see it as a sign as well to don’t be afraid to start anew, instead of trying to situate everything exactly the way it was in the before. Like that quote/saying that goes something like-- "don’t be afraid to start over because this time you’re not starting from scratch, your starting from experience?"

How they'll help you? 10 of Swords, 9 of Wands reversed

The only place to go from here is up, but you need to stop being so stubborn about it. This person coming in is going to help you get your back you drive to 'fight' so you can pursue happiness/goals in a new way.

Potential Struggles? Knight of Wands, The Star reversed

Be careful your inspired action is not really impulsivity . You’ll have to do some inner work as well. You may compare yourself to this person and risk falling back into the same state again. You need to take responsible actions, get in tune with your emotions and work on your confidence and any anxieties you may have. Healing from the past as well, because your past isn’t your future.

PILE 2 -- The Therapist

Energy surrounding them: The Star

The energy surrounding the person coming in is one of calm and stability, and that is what they will bring to you. This person is going to help heal you, be it professionally (a therapist or psychologist) or unintentionally (someone who triggers our healing). This person is going to feel like everything will be okay.

The vibes I get: therapy, a guiding star, two people sitting and talking, letting your soul speak

Why they’re coming in? 6 of Wands reversed, The Moon, 6 of cups reversed

This person is going to help reveal the truth about a situation. Particularly if you haven’t had the best things happening a) in most of your life, or b) in this particular chapter or your life. This person will help you realise the things that weren’t your fault, the things you can change and the things that all come down to your beliefs. You may come to realise with the help of this person, that a lot of fears and limitations you have are self imposed. Not only that, but this person may help you figure out what your positive inner voice sounds like and help you to embrace it. Any dreams you’ve had hidden away (sleep dreams or goals-dreams) may also become more clear to you. After this you’ll be able to move forwards in live. The past won’t hold you back anymore. You’ll be able to move on or view these events that took place through a new lense.

How they'll help you? 3 of Wands, 8 of Swords reversed

The blindfold is going to come off. You’re going to be able to move forward in your life. The work you put in is going to help you move forward with a new found confidence and belief in self. You’ll be able to take your life into your own hands.

Potential Struggles? king of pentacles & ace of swords

You may struggle with the whole process of breaking through and envisioning a different future for yourself. Also, seeing your growth and how mature and stable (as in the different areas of your life) you may have become may take you some time or be difficult.

Pile 3-- The Sage

Energy surrounding them: The Emperor

The person coming into your life has a strong energy to them. They are most likely older than you or at the least has a very wise energy to them. They might not be the most emotional or expressive, but they are reliable.

The vibes I get: Someone with an otherworldly energy or wisdom. Someone established. You can't help but notice them.

Why they're coming in? 4 of Pentacles, The Chariot, Page of Cups

This person is coming in to show you how to find and build security in many aspects of your life the right way. You may be holding onto things that aren’t good for you and this person is going to come in and force you to ask yourself why. Also potentially isolation may be something you need to deal with. You may be currently playing defence. But once you allow yourself to let go, you may find new things, people, and opportunities come in, better than you image. You may find yourself becoming someone you really want to be as well as finding yourself in the beginning stages of tapping into your emperor energy.

How they'll help you? Strength reversed, Knight of Swords

They’re going to help you tap into your inner strength so you can take the necessary actions to help yourself. They’ll help trigger the arrival of big changes in your life.Things will finally start to flow.

Potential Struggles? Judgement, 6 of Pentacles

You may feel resistant at first, feeling as if they don’t know what they’re talking about and are just trying to bring you down. You may be hesitant to take their advice or trust that they have your best interest in mind.

** Gandalf. Gandalf came to me but I don’t know why as I know practically nothing about him. 😬 Maybe you do!?

Pile 4-- The Charmer

Energy surrounding them: 8 of Cups reversed

The person coming in is going to scare you, but not in a bad way. You may have this happy, “I’m put together” facade, and this person is going to be able to see right through it. They have the ability, literally or metaphorically, to bring you into something better and that may leave you feeling afraid.

The vibes I get: Someone clever and charming. Feeling flustered. Oh no, I have a crush.

Why they’re coming in? Temperance, 9 of Pentacles, 8 of Swords

They’re coming in to show you that if you stop allowing fear to keep you where you are, peace, balance, and contentment will find you. The situation you may be staying in may not be a result of your actions, and taking the steps to get out of it may be difficult, but this person is one hundred percent here to challenge your reasoning for why you can’t.

How they'll help you? The Magician, 10 of Swords, The High Priestess reversed

They’re going to show you magic. I’m feeling like you might develop a romantic or platonic crush on them. There’s just that vibe. They’re going to show you how amazing you truly are. They’re going to show you that you have the ability to make things happen. They’ll help you create that ending and see your new beginning.

Potential Struggles? Knight of Cups reversed, 2 of Wands

This person most likely isn’t going to stay long and that may throw you off guard. This all feels very fast paced so their quick arrival and departure may leave you feeling a little bit broken hearted. Be careful you’re not investing too much headspace and emotion in this person.

Pile 5-- The Cheerleader

Energy surrounding them: 3 of Swords reversed

This person has a very calm healing energy to them. I feel like if you’re going through a heartbreak in particular, the prominent pain of it is going to start disappearing. I actually redid your reading and the vibes I was getting before were not good ones. I felt like I was trying to shoo it away, and the reading felt like it was about someone leaving you who had hurt you so I think that’s what this could be. This could also be someone from the past. An old friend in particular.

**As for the person from the past, to help you figure out if this reading is for you— i was thinking back of the cards I pulled and this person felt emotionally immature and manipulative, though I’m not sure it’s intentionally. Were you trying to fix them? To make them feel better? But they were so stuck in their toxic habits/mindset that they just ended up sending your world into turmoil? Because that came through strongly just now.

The vibes I get: thank you, troubles disappearing, a sigh of relief

Why they’re coming in? King of Swords, King of Cups reversed, 4 of Cups reversed

This person is coming in to help you move on from the pain and worries that you have been in. You’re ready to get back to business and this person will be there for you. Cheerleading came to me as well, so that’s what they’ll be— your cheerleader. You’re also going to be stepping into a new chapter of maturity and level headedness. Any responsibilities or ideas you’ve been putting off, this person is going to help you with them.

How they'll help you? 9 of Wands, The Empress reveresed

Like I mentioned before, they’re going to help ease your anxieties, pain and sadness. With The Empress rx, ‘makeover’ came to me as well and I got super excited, so maybe that’s what you need and this person will help you with? They’re going to help you sort your emotions, make sense of everything and feel confident, attractive and capable again.

Potential Struggles? The World, Page of Wands

Setting your world back in order is going to take some work, but the results will be worth it. The only caution would be don’t rush your actions, without thinking about the consequences fully.

———

Disclaimer: I read tarot for self reflection and guidance purposes, but as always, this reading is for fun and entertainment purposes only. I may include advice for if you find a particular topic resonating, but it is in no way meant to replace any kind of professional advice. Any reading I post is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I ask that you trust yourself above all else. Prediction readings are to be seen simply as a potential outcome. Finally, please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all.

[honeypirate]

Going Home

Jet-Black Hero: Tsukuyomi / Tokoyami Fumikage x Fem!Reader - Pro Hero AU (in their 20s)

Tokoyami had it bad. He had it so bad he had to bribe dark shadow to keep his mouth shut about it when you would call him. Sure he’s older than he was in high school and has more control over his quirk partner- he could force him to keep his mouth shut, but it feels wrong to force him to do anything when he’s a friend

You met Tokoyami in high school, becoming instant friends and bonding over darkness and crime shows. You even went as scully and mulder one Halloween together. But then you moved to a different country before senior year and he hasn’t been able to physically see you since.

You kept in contact religiously. He was your best friend and you told him you’d die if he doesn’t remain that way. You talk every day whenever you have free time and FaceTime every Monday and Wednesday alternating evenings and mornings for each other whenever hero work allows.

You have a separate conversation going on Snapchat, Instagram, and texts that you both stay on top of. Your Snapchat streak said 1174 and you’d be damned if it ever broke before you got to see him again. And yes, somewhere along the lines, you fell for him, but you’d never tell him. You’d never ruin your friendship like that.

“Remember to pick her up at noon” Dark Shadow said into his mind and he rolled his eyes, like he would ever forget the date and time his best friend would be in his life again. The second his agency was confirmed he extended a contract toward you, a popular new hero who was looking for an agency. A six month contract with abilities to extend should it feel like a good fit.

“Seriously? Not just because I’m your friend? You honest to god think our quirks would work well if I’m your side kick? On the bracelet?” He nods into the phone camera and then looks down at the purple adjustable bracelet you had gotten for him on your last arcade adventure before you moved, a matching black one on your wrist.

“I swear on the bracelet” he said, heart skipping. Yes he knew your quirks would work well together that was true. But he also knew that he was dying to see to again and when you said you only needed a good enough opportunity to move back, he saw a perfect opportunity that fate had handed you both.

Your black bracelet was faded to grey over the years of never taking it off but your heart beat raced in your chest. “Okay” you say with a smile and warm cheeks “I’ll have my agent look over the contract and I’ll give it a serious thought career wise.” Your eyes sparkled and he hoped your agent liked the proposal. His heart racing as you smiled at him like that. God he loved your smile.

“I like it. It would be good for your hero image if you had hero work in other countries as well. Young hero going back home. We can make a good story out of it how you were home sick. It’s also good that it’s with your best friend.” You checked out after she said she liked it. You were going home. You were going home.

You called Tokoyami right away and he answered on almost the last ring. “I’m sorry I just needed to talk to you” you said and took a deep breath as he work up “no it’s fine. It’s always fine when it’s you” his voice was tired and thick and you could only imagine how it would be in person.

“I have some news” you said with a smile and he perked up, sitting up in bed and against his headboard as he looked out his window at the night sky “what is it?” He asks, trying not to feel too excited as the phone presses hard against his ear.

“Guess” you said with a teasing tone and he knew immediately

“Really?” He asks, not being able to hide the excitement in his tone as his empty fist shoots up in celebration

“She said she liked it. It’ll be good for my image” you said with a grin, holding the phone in the crook of your neck as you play with the bracelet you’ve never taken off.

“When?” He asks eagerly

“You should know when Fumi, you made the contract” you joke and he chuckles

“no I know when your first day will be but when are you coming here?” He needs to know how much longer. How much more time will be spent away from you

“A week”

he laughs once out of shock and joy “a week?” He asks and you laugh, joy lacing every part of your voice

“my agent got me a flight and an apartment. The building I asked for already had one open and it was easy peasy. It’ll be furnished for me so I’ll be there next Wednesday at noon. Then I’ll have three weeks there before I start work. With you”

He couldn’t believe it. It went so fast he feels like his heart is spasming. Eight years away from you and only one week to go. “I’ll pick you up text me your itinerary”

“Okay” you say with a laugh and then smirk as you say “you’re not gonna ask where I’m gonna be living?”

“Where?”

“#407” you say and it takes him a moment but he gets there

“You mean six doors down?” He asks and you laugh

“Yeah I hope you don’t mind. I just thought it would be fun” you feel nervous like he’s not gonna like it, your palms sweat

“That’s amazing I’m so happy” he says and you grin “really? You don’t mind I’m living in your building?”

“Why would I mind? The best person in my life is going to be my neighbor. I can’t wait”

You hear his alarm go off and gasp “I’m sorry Fumi I didn’t mean to ruin your sleep”

He laughs “you didn’t. Trust me. But I do have to go to work. To get things set for you to be here.”

“Okay. I’ll text you. Be safe today Fumi”

—

His hands feel sweaty as he stands at the gates. Jesus. Was this even a good idea? Fuck he was so nervous. Your plan had landed he was just waiting for the doors to open. When the fight attendants opened the door he felt dark shadow getting nervous as well.

But then he saw you, a hat on your head and sunglasses on to try and stay inconspicuous in American airports but since you were here now you took them off and ran your hand through your hair before scanning the room.

Fuck you were so beautiful his mouth was dry. You were so cute in pictures and face time but it had nothing on you in person. You were an angel. This was a bad idea he was too in love to do this.

Your eyes meet his and you smile wide, your hat and glasses in one hand and a water bottle in the other as you start making your way to each other. You started off walking and weaving around the slow walkers but once you had space you couldn’t stop increasing your speed before you were running for him, your water bottle clanging to the ground as you dropped everything and threw off your backpack to slam into his strong arms, laughing as tears fall into his neck as you bury your face into him.

“Hey Fumi” you whispered and held you tighter. You smelled amazing. Like fresh air and rosemary. He couldn’t get enough. He held you tight to his chest and realized you felt smaller in his arms but then he realized when you left he was 5’5 and tiny. He’s grown a lot since then and even though you have changed too, he’s still a much larger man than he was before.

He dwarfed you. You never thought it was even possible. He held you completely and you never wanted him to let go. “Fumikage” you say as you pull back, making sure he keeps his arms around your waist. You reach up and run your hand down his long feathers down the back of his head “you’re much larger in person holy crap. and your feathers are so beautiful!!! Fumi!!. I forgot the beautiful shades in the darkness of the black. How are you still single Fumi you must be dripping with fans” You joked but your heart hurt saying it. You wanted to hear him say he wasn’t dating. That he has feelings for you.

He looks down at you and feels pride swell in his heart as you praise him, controlling the urge to fluff out his feathers when you call them beautiful.

“No one wants to date a fan” he says shutting down your investigative prodding at his love life, but then says “You’re one to talk you’ve changed so much but I didn’t even know it was possible to be this gorgeous. Don’t think I didn’t read about America’s most eligible bachelorette.”

Your cheeks flush with heat and you hide your face in his neck “oh hush Fumi. Always flustering me. Like you haven’t FaceTimed me every week. And that article was a joke” he sighs softly and you can see emotions swirling in his eyes.

“It’s different in person” he says and you sigh as you gaze up at him with a smile “it certainly is”

Once dark shadow decided to ruin the moment you remembered you were still in the airport. Fumi carried your big suitcase like it wasn’t a hundred pounds and before you could object dark shadow had your backpack across his back. Dark Shadow just laughed when you stuck your tongue out at him. “we’ve really missed you” he said when he handed you your water, your glasses and hat already on his body

—

You fall back into an easy rhythm with Fumikage, teasing and playing while talking in his car back to the apartment. After laughing so hard and catching your breath, you look over at his profile and your heart skips. The sun is hitting his feathers, his black button up shirt that was unbuttoned at the neck pulled at his biceps as his right hand rests against the shifter and his left hand was on the steering wheel. God you didn’t know if this was a good idea. You thought you were going back to your childhood home but being with Fumikage nothing has felt more like home than this.

“The boxes you sent over should be here in the next few days. If you need anything or don’t have something you can always come over, I have a spare key for emergencies” he’s going over a few things that it seems like he’s really thought about before you came. He was prepared and it warmed your heart. You smiled up at him as the elevator dinged for the fourth floor and he looked down at you eyes widening as he catches you staring. you smile and reach out, taking a gentle hold on his free hand near you and give it a soft squeeze. “Thank you Fumi. You think of everything. I’ve really missed that”

He doesn’t let go of your hand until he has to unlock his front door, you’d be staying the night with him and your agent was meeting you in the morning with the keys for your place.

his fingers tingle to grab for your hand again but he doesnt

“You can have my room, I’ll take the couch in my office. It’s a pull out.” You smile from your place standing on the landing just inside the door, watching as he disappears with your luggage down a hallway then comes back walking a little slower and playing with his hands like he does when he’s nervous.

The edge of the landing went down a couple steps and he stopped at the bottom edge “feel free make yourself at your home” he says with a nervous chuckle and you grin, running and jumping off the landing into his arms and burying your face in his shoulder.

“Oh Fumi eight years was too long” you whispered into him and he holds you up effortlessly, his beak brushing your shoulder and he curves into you, desperate to hold you after so long “way too long” he agreed.

———

The weeks seemed to fly by, you were settled into your apartment and you just got done with your first official week at the office.

“So, Tsukuyomi, Sir” you say with a smirk and lean against his open office door “how was my first day boss?”

He crosses his arms over his wide chest and gave you his best Boss look, making your heart flutter and causing your cheeks to heat up. you chuckled and tried not to show how flustered you were when you walked farther into his office. He stood from his desk and gave you a nod with a soft chuckle “you did well. I think you’re going to love it here. Let me take you to dinner tonight to celebrate”

——

He showed up at your door at seven and your breath catches in your throat when you see him. Black straight jeans with a black button up tucked in with a red tie and black boots. He looked divine. Like a god of the underdark. His hands were fixing his tie and you stepped forward, not missing the squeak of his own breath catching in his throat at the sight of you, and fixed his tie for him.

You had on a red dress and a black jean jacket that has rolled sleeves and pair of black booties that look like you could kick someone’s ass in them. His brain immediately short wired and all he can think is how well you look together. How right. How good. Fuck this was going to be harder than he thought to just be your friend but he didn’t want to you to think he was a sleaze or make you quit his agency.

Your hands fix his tie and then rest against his chest, when you see his flustered eyes and nervous body language you chuckle and lean up, kissing his beak gently, then wiping the lipstick with your thumb “you look really handsome Fumi” you say softly and he feels a whimper catch in his throat.

your eyes turn from him up to Dark Shadow who had on a matching tie “is it too much?” He asks and you laugh “you look good in it but I do think you pull off natural look best” he nods and salutes you “message received” before taking it off and tossing it into your apartment behind you.

When you look back to Fumi he’s glaring at Dark Shadow like he was a bad child and you chuckled before boldly taking his hand, hoping you read the signs right and that he did feel the same.

“Are you ready?” You ask and he nods, his fingers tighten around your hand as he relaxes, giving you a soft squeeze before placing your hand on his bicep and holding you close as he cleared his throat “I got a reservation at this new restaurant downtown” he says as you enter the elevator and you smile up at him “anywhere with you is perfect”

Dinner went by incredibly quick, you sat in a back booth, talking and laughing the whole night. It was a new restaurant that catered to people with any kinds of quirks and had surprisingly good tofu and fish. (I mean who’s gonna get the chicken on date with a bird?)

By the end of the meal he’s grabbed your hand over the table and is running his fingers against yours softly. “Thank you for tonight Fumi, I really feel like being here was the right choice. I would have came no matter what my agent said” his eyes widened a little

“Really?” He asks and you laugh with a grin “of course! You’re special to me and I just needed a good reason to come back home” your expression was so soft he felt those three words crawl up his tongue.

His eyes look serious for a moment as he looks at the way your hands look together “y/n I need to tell you something” he says and gets extra serious

“What is it?” You ask, trying to keep your voice neutral even tho you know your face screams ‘I’m worried now’

He meets your eye for a few long seconds before he shakes his head. He couldn’t. He couldn’t ruin this close friendship when he wasnt positive his feelings would be returned. “Never mind. It’s not that important. What do you say about dessert?”

He was leaning on the table on his elbows, close enough to reach out and touch over the tiny table, and so you did. You reach up and ran your fingers lightly over the edges of his feathers with a soft smile. “Of course Fumi. But how about we go to the cookie place by the park you always talk about. I know you like it and it’s a perfect night for a walk.” He swallows hard and nods “that’s a perfect idea” he says as he signals for the waiter to pay.

You hold his hand all the way to the cookie place, talking easily and joking around, but you keep hoping for the perfect moment to confess. You had a feeling that’s what he was going to do at the restaurant, it changed your heart and convinced you to take the leap, almost positive he felt the same.

You sit on a bench in the park, one with perfect view of the city skyline, eating your cookies and dark shadow is teasing you about the time you kept stealing Tokoyami’s poptarts from the dorm kitchen. Your cheeks are hot and you’ve turned yourself towards Tokoyami, your left hand on your cheek and your face hidden in his shoulder as you laughed together, your right hand rested on his kid thigh. It felt so easy. So absolutely right.

You drop your hand from your cheek and look up at Tokoyami with a soft smile, heart racing at the emotion you find in his eyes.

“I’m sorry for stealing your poptarts” you say and his throat catches again at the way your eyes seem to shine with love for him he almost feels it’s too much but he wants to dive deeper, to drown in the love he finds.

He chuckles and cups your cheek “I never cared. I had the hugest crush on you then”

Your heart skips and your cheek heats even more under his touch “and now?” You ask, voice barely above a whisper

“Now I’m so in love I don’t know if it’s even quantifiable” he says with a hint of exasperation as he leans down and presses his forehead to yours.

Your eyes flutter closed as your heart thrums against your ribs, his confession echoing in your head as fireworks explode in your heart. You press a kiss on his beak and your heart skips when you hear a gasp catch in his throat

“I’m in love with you too, Fumi” you say and he pulls you into a hug, nuzzling his beak into your neck, wanting to get close to you to show you how much he loves you the best he can since he can’t properly kiss you.

He nips softly at your neck skin and you giggle so sweetly he feels light headed. You pull back and kiss his cheek before looking into his eyes. He cups your cheek again “that’s what I wanted to say back at the restaurant”

You chuckle and smile, taking his hand you press gentle kisses against his palm, trailing a few down to his wrist before saying with a smirk “I know”

[please-buckme]

A Broken Heart.

Chapter 1

Lee Bodecker x fem!reader

Chapter warnings: slight mentions of sex, 18+,hitting, sad shit, break up, heart break, angst, cursing

Chapter Summary: reader and Lee breakup.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2 //Chapter 3

The world felt as if it were shattering around you, crumbling beneath your feet like the rapture was upon you. Honestly, if the world did come to an end right now you’d be elated. At least you wouldn’t have to deal with your broken heart anymore.

You sat against a wall in your room, wallowing in your own self petty. It’d be three days since Lee Bodecker had broken things off with you. He had said that you were hurting his campaign, that he still loved you but needed a woman of power to help him become sheriff of this godforsaken town.

Lee had taken you out in the same field he took you to every time y’all made love. He kissed you so passionately, held you so closely. If you weren’t so caught up in the way his hands felt against your bare skin, you would’ve noticed how distraught he was the entire time he made love to you. It was his way of saying goodbye before he actually said goodbye. After he’d broken up with you, you felt disgusting and violated.

You’d never felt like that with Lee. He was your deputy and sinner in disguise. He was your rock and your soft place to fall. When the tears finally fill, the most empty feeling you’d ever felt emerged in your gut. One day you thought you were gonna be Mrs. Lee Bodecker. You daydreamed constantly of your wedding day and sharing a bed with the man you loved for the rest of your life ‘til you were old and gray. To know now that dream will always remain a dream.. that’s what hurt the most.

After Lee drove you home, you sat in your room for three days straight, not even coming out for supper. Your momma tried to convince you to eat and it worked once on the second day, until you threw up right after.

She didn’t understand. She’d never been in love, not really. Not love like you and Lee had. People told y’all all the time how rare and beautiful your love for one another was and you agreed. Just looking back on those memories made you sick. You listened in awe of how beautiful your love was not knowing Lee would only break your heart days later.

Today was Sunday, the lord's day, and usually you never wanted to go to church, but today you really didn’t want to go. The whole town, including Lee and his new arm candy, would be there. It’s the first time you’d be seeing Lee since he dropped you off. It was too soon, especially since you knew he’d already moved on.

As you sat with your head between your knees, your momma barged through your bedroom door.

“Jesus, girl. Why aren’t you up and ready to go? Church starts in an hour and you aren’t gonna make me late again.” She stomped over to your closet and shuffled through your dresses.

“Momma.. I- I’m not ready. I can’t see… him with her. I just ain’t ready for that kinda humiliation.” You sighed, trying to reason with your Bible-thumpin momma.

“Oh, no. You’ve embarrassed me enough this week. Disappearin’ for three whole days over a boy? You’re pathetic. You know, back in my day, we didn’t get to sit around and sulk the days away. No. We had to carry on like everything was fine and that’s what you’re gonna do. Now, get dressed.” She threw you a dress, one of your favorites actually. It was a teal blue, babydoll dress that you usually saved for special occasions, but you weren’t feeling very special at the moment and now you were just pissed off.

You stood and came face-to-face with your momma, “I’m not going. You have no idea how I feel. You can’t. You’ve never felt love the way we had it, Momma. No one ever loved you or me the way I love Lee. You couldn’t possib-“

Just then you felt a sharp sting against your cheek as your momma slapped you across the face.

“Not. Another. Word. You will be dressed and waitin for me at the car in ten minutes. No poutin’ and no sulkin’ in the pews. I don’t wanna hear another word about that boy.” She turned to exit your room but turned around to give you one last dig to the heart, “And, honey, a man in love would never have done what he did to you. Remember that next time you wanna preach to me about love.” With that she left your room. Your cheek still stung from the unexpected hit to the face. Your momma was cruel but she’d never hit you before.

The slap, in a way, was kind of refreshing. For a split second you’d totally forgotten about Lee. Only for a second, though. His crystal blue eyes and cheshire lips never leave your thoughts completely. You shook your head in defeat, trying to erase him from your mind. It didn’t work, but you took a deep breath and began getting ready.

//

The church parking lot was full when you and your momma pulled in. Rickety old trucks to brand spankin new, brightly colored cars littered the dusty lot. You spotted Lee’s car immediately, thankfully he was already inside.

The whole town came to this church, which wasn’t that many people. Nevertheless, everybody knew everybody and, even if you didn’t care, everybody knew everybody’s dirty laundry. Old Man Karl got pulled over last week for a DUI, Nancy from the library cheated on her husband with his brother and.. oh yeah, Lee Bodecker dumped his long time girlfriend for the mayor's daughter.

Lee and yours breakup was the talk of the town. You were the fresh, new gossip in this boring as hell town and there’s nothing you could do about it.

You couldn’t get two steps into the church without being bombarded by women you didn’t want to know but also knew too much about, asking if you were alright and that they’d pray for you on this ‘beautiful, glorious Sunday morning’. Yeah, same shit different day, different person.

One woman stayed to chat with your momma, so you went to find your seat. Your usual spot was next to Lee and naturally that’s where you headed, only to be greeted by Lee and His new girlfriend, Laura-Jean Mancon. She was one of those girls who’d been pretty her whole life. Blind hair, blue eyes and a huge rack. Everybody thought she’d go into modeling or start an acting career but she never did. Instead, she stayed and was now going to marry Lee. In your eyes, that’s the best path she could’ve taken. You’d take her place any day.

“Mornin’ Y/n.” Lee cleared his throat, unable to make eye contact with you.

“L-“ You went to say his name but found you couldn’t. It was only one syllable, only three letters and it pained you to even think about, let alone say aloud. You cleared your throat, “Laura-Jean, nice to see you again.”

Laura-Jean said nothing in return. She just hummed, waiting for you to talk away.

“I guess I’ll go.. find me a new seat.” You took a deep breath when you felt the tears welling up in your eyes, again. Lee stared straight forward the whole time you stood there, too cowardly to even look you in the eyes. Some Sheriff he’ll be.

You scanned the crowd of people and found your momma in the front row, of course. You made your way up the aisle and took your seat next to her. The chorus sang their hems and the preacher clapped his way in on the last versus.

“How are we doin’ on this fine Sunday mornin’?” he drawled to the crowd. He got an assortment of greetings in return.

“I said ‘HOW ARE WE DOIN ON THIS BRIGHT N’ SHINY SUNDIE MORNIN’?’.”

“GOOD” the people shouted in return. You could hear Laura-Jean giggling over something but you wouldn’t dare look back. Lee always made church bearable, making wise cracks at the preaches expense.

“Now, today I’d like to talk a little bit about love. Of course, we’re always talkin’ about love when it comes to our lord and savor, Jesus Christ. But just for a moment, it ain’t about him. No. This mornin’ I’m preachin’ to you about young love.”

Here we go.

“It comes and goes so fast, but when you have it, it’s one of the most beautiful things this world can offer you.. especially when you put a little Jesus in it.” The church laughed. You knew where this was going. Your stomach churned as you sunk down into the pew.

“I’d like to ask the newly engaged folks in the crowd to come and join me up here. You know who you are, soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Lee Bodecker.”

Your heart felt as if it were going to explode, a tear escaped through your lashes and you quickly wiped it away.

They walked up hand in hand, smiling for cheek to cheek. How could he be so happy, so calm after only being broken up for less than a week? Did he ever love you? Really love you. Like you loved him. Obviously not because you could never, in good conscience do this to him. You couldn’t stand on a stage wrapped arm in arm with another man while Lee sat, just as you were now, devastated and totally distraught.

“So tell us,” the preach beamed. “When’s the big day.”

Lee looked at you with a pained expression as Laura-Jean answered the preach.

“May 21st”

Your breathing heavies at the reply. Turning to your momma you whispered, “Momma, that’s in two weeks.”

“I know that. Now, hush.” She side eyed you with a full smile still pressed to her lips. Even your own mother didn’t seem to care about your feelings. You sat there, listening to Laura-Jean go on and on about their ‘big day’. Tears streamed down your face and you let them. You’d given up on trying to hide how hurt you really felt. When you looked up, Lee stared straight at you. He wasn’t crying but his pain ridden face told you everything. One look at him and you couldn’t breathe anymore. You stood abruptly, all eyes were on you and Laura-Jean had stopped talking.

“I- excuse me.” You said before booking it out the back door. Lee hollered out, asking you to wait. It was too late. You were half way out the door and couldn’t stand to be in that room for another second.

Your feet stomped against the grave, dust clouding up in your wake as you made your way to the road.

“Y/n!” Lee called out after you.

“Go away. I have nothing to say to you, L- fuck.” You cursed, trying desperately to get away from him.

“I said wait, goddammit.” He growled, capturing your bicep in his large hand.

“Let go of me!” You whined sounding out of breath.

“Not until you listened to what I have to say.”

“What, Lee? What could you possibly have to say?”

“I- I.. dammit. I know I put you in a tough position but-“

“A tough position?” You repeated.

“Let me finish.” He sighed and released your arm from his grasp, “I know I hurt you. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am, but, doll, this is it. This is my only chance at becoming Sheriff. You know how hard I’ve worked to get here and you’ve always been so supportive of my dream. I- I just thought.. out of everyone you would understand.”

Your skin burned as you imagined smoke blowing from your ears. Did he really just say that? That you should understand the break up and go on with your life like nothing happened like he is? You stood there frozen, breathing heavier and heavier as your brain tried to come up with a coherent response while trying to also remain a lady.

“I- I still love you. You know that, right?” He asked, bringing a hand to your cheek and wiping a stray tear away.

You flinched at his burning touch and slapped his hand away, “Don’t touch me. Don’t you ever touch me again. I don’t love you anymore. I can’t love you. Shit… seeing you was the best part of my day and now I can’t even look at you without feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I can’t even say your name anymore. Everything about you, now, fills me with so much pain and dread. So if that’s what your love is, keep it. I don’t want it anymore.”

“Doll,” A tear ran down his cheek, you now being the one who’s breaking his heart. “I never meant to hurt you. I swear.” He sniffles.

“Well, you did. I’m in so much pain.” You sobbed, “I’m in so much pain and I have no one to go to because you were my person. You have left me completely empty and utterly alone.”

“Y/n, I-“

“Save it, Bodecker. I’m done talking to you.”

Lee didn’t chase after you this time. He let the tears stream down his face as he watched you walk away. He was just as heartbroken as you but couldn’t show it., not when he was so close to winning this election. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and headed back towards the church. He knew you just needed time and that he’d still see you around town.

Seeing you today took his breath away. You wore your favorite dress that he bought you for your birthday so long ago. You didn’t have on any makeup, which he loved. You were so naturally beautiful and he did still love you with every piece of his shattered heart. He’d eventually come up with a plan to get you back, but for now he would respect your space.

//

Once you’d gotten home and shut the door, you couldn’t help but scream at the top of your lungs. Hoping for some sort of release from all this heartache you felt. Telling him you couldn’t love him was the hardest thing you ever had to do. You sat on the floor in the same position you were in before you left; head between your knees and sobbing like a baby.

There was no escaping him in this town. There was church and the grocery store and the diner you worked at part time. He was everywhere. He’d come in every morning you worked to have coffee with you. He had been a part of every little thing you do in your daily routine for as long as you can remember.

There was never a time you weren’t together. It was always just you and him. He was the one who held you when you were sad, but where was he now when you needed him most?

To you, there was only one way to fix this; get the hell out of here. Completely leave town and start anew somewhere else. You have an aunt that lives right outside of town. You can stay there until it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you got up. Your aunt agreed to the plan and said you could stay with her for as long as you needed when you called her. You packed a small duffle bag and waited for her to pick you up.

When she did finally pull up out front, you hopped in the car and she drove off, leaving the dusty ole town you called home for so long. You took in a deep breath as you drove towards your new life. No Lee, no momma, no worries.

Dividers by: @firefly-in-darkness

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