#like basically i only here for 9 months but im glad and thankful

[thurst-day]

Hi, hello~

Well, this is too sudden but this blog has mean a lot to me, so to decided to take a break from it was really hard. But sadly life has running me down, i don't have a time to create something anymore. But i'll be back tho, i promise, so in the mean time while you wait, i want to share some of my favourite works so you guys could check it, because i see many people still following me while i wasn't making anything these days. So here's my pick:

GOT7 member's Solo as Netflix Original Series

my fav creation by far, i usually sketch something before i made a gfx but for those i really just created it on a whim, kinda lucky because it works and i'm proud of it

Devil Jeonghan's Birthday post

Well for this one i really love the idea of Jeonghan as a fallen angel or devil lol, and i really had a clear vision of how i want to put all the objects in the edit and the end result really satisfied me

Youngjae's Birthday post

Because i really want him to have a solo album or something because he really deserves it and decided to make my own version of it, took 3 days because i always made a mistake in the spotify layout, it was a pain in the ass but i really love the outcome

Jinyoung's Birthday post

Basically i love fairytales, after Jeonghan one i really need to make something for Jinyoung too, well him as a Prince was a common nickname for him and i decided to make it came alive, really love the colour, and probably the prettiest creation i've ever made

Yugyeom's Birthday post

Well this one is really different, at first i really want to make a cute dandelion-y edits for him but then i remembered jus2 and want to make something cool for once so that happened and i'm glad how it turned out in the end

ATK Solo Album Promotion (AmeriThaiKong)

This one was purely my self indulgence, atk really deserve their own album or unit project or something, that's why i made this, really love the dark red green sexc vibes in this one

Just Right retro version

This one was the first edit that i made that made me got serious into gfx making like i never thought people would notice what i created that time and looking at the number i really appreciated every single one of you guys that made me continue to create something

GOTSeventeen as eachother's album cover

This seriously the most fun i've been experiencing when i created an edit, like i love both groups and decided to combined them and it surprisingly worked

Fallin' Flower Mingyu

First time i made something like this and i'm kinda proud of it, i really love the song and mingyu's scene stole my attention since the beginning and kept thinking i should make something out of it

Gotseventween Project

This was such a fun project to do, i really enjoyed making every single theme, especially doing it with my fav moot here (val i love you), hope we had another collab in the future!

But tbh i love all the things I've created and posted on this blog whether it's a gifs, photo edits, or gfxs, so if you could check all of them just look at my bio for easier navigation! Thank you so much for all the nice tags and comment you guys left every time you reblog my post, believe me I've read them all, and i kid you not they're all always made my day as you guys are so sweet. Once again thank You all!

— Sincerely, Karen ♡

[nikialexx]

Happy to explain! Sirius and Snape have very different outward personalities but very similar arcs- both growing up in abusive households, latching onto one particular friend, both being emotionally stunted in adulthood due to trauma and making much of their decisions around that aforementioned friend. Both are petty, hold grudges, loyal, brave, vindictive. They both treat Harry based on how they feel about his parents. They both die never truly having fully lived their life.

(i actually wrote the entire response to this earlier and then lost it and i have never wanted to fling myself into the sun more than i did in that moment) but hi anon! so sorry this took a while. I'll continue under the cut cause my reply got kinda long😅

also general disclaimer that we're not going to be unnecessarily rude about either of these characters here, since i know a lot of people are very passionate about them one way or the other :)

Yeah, anon, I totally get where you're coming from here. I actually have very vague recollections of having had this conversation before but I don't remember where?? So this probably isn't the first time I'm comparing Sirius to Snape but I'm glad you gave me an opportunity to do it again.

I think those differences in their outward personalities is actually a nature vs nurture type situation. I've always said that Slytherin kids aren't immediately inherently evil (obviously), but rather victims of a larger system that actively works against them. You take a bunch of kids in their most important formative years and tell them they're destined to be evil and awful and essentially give every non-slytherin student a free pass to target them while even some of the teachers encourage these biases, and really, who wouldn't have this as their villain origin story?

Sirius and Snape both came from abusive households so Hogwarts was their only chance at getting away from that, and in that case, Snape was doomed from the very beginning. Sirius, comparatively, basically had the entirety of Gryffindor house to combat his more unsavory traits. He had friends who were good and kind and amazing and genuinely cared about his wellbeing, so he, in turn, grew to be a good and kind person. That's what he was surrounded by for like... 9 out of 12 months in the year. Snape went from one bad situation to another, continuously surrounded by people who were equally petty and vindictive and often cruel. What else was he supposed to become?

And I can hear you saying: but what about Lily?

Lily was only one person and I think it's a bit unfair to expect her to single-handedly combat the entire system that is House Prejudice and Rivalry at Hogwarts. Lily and Snape being placed in different houses, not to mention two houses with a personal history of being very anti each other, immediately drew a wall between them.

And then, what did the 'good' side ever really offer Snape? Sirius found happiness with the good guys, but Snape? Aside from literally only Lily, they all hated him and bullied him relentlessly. From his perspective, the supposed bad guys were the only ones offering him anything worthwhile or seeing any actual value in him.

So yeah, i see it. Two characters who are really similar in a lot of ways but had drastically different experiences that shaped who they would become.

(And it's also interesting how you laid out their non-personality similarities in the way their story arcs parallel each other almost exactly. I don't think I've ever really paid attention to that before.)

This was a fun little thought exercise lol thank you for this anon and im sorry again for taking so long to reply <3

[jae-daddy]

Duff (9)

im jaebum au series 

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven  masterlist

pairing: im jaebum x reader  genre: angst, smurt, cheating plot: you are the duff and guys use you to get close to your best friend, Heather, and turns out Jaebum is no exception, but as time does on the tension between you and your best friend’s unofficial boyfriend grows a/n: a short one, because I really truly hated where I had left the story last time. it was not it, but I like this. it’s better than the alternative I guess. also, I am writing all of it before publishing it so <3 hope yall like it <3 

You don’t know what came first; the guilt, embarrassment or hurt. 

But you knew yourself well, and you knew guilt didn’t touch your heart until later that night when you were lying in bed. As you stared up at the ceiling, thinking about that him, for the first time guilt laid its icy fingertips on you. 

The first thing you felt was hurt. Hurt that clawed at your heart, and made your soul whimper. Hurt that cut through you entirely as you remained in his arms, watching his face. 

“Yes,” he had said, his fingers digging into your hips. 

“Yes,” you replied, breathing him in as you leaned closer to him. 

You saw his lips draw into a straight line as he pulled away and said, “No.”

“Oh,” was all you said moving away from him. 

A simple sound, not even a word to express the pain that seared through you at his words. 

No.

He didn’t want you. 

Im Jaebum didn’t want you. 

You were in his arms, your skirt drawn up to your hips as you sat on his lap. In a single breath, he changed the moment completely, and you were no longer burning in passion, but in agony. Agony of not being desired by this man, not being wanted by him, when you yearned for him. When you were begging for his lips to touch any part of you, he had turned away. 

And then came the embarrassment blazing through the darkness of lust, and it hurt. It stabbed you everywhere till you were shivering in sudden coldness. You were so embarrassed, so ashamed. You had- you had done... all of that, and all he said was ‘no.’ 

It wasn’t the rejection that the embarrassment stemmed from. It was because you had tried, because you thought it would happen, because you thought he wanted you. Because you had offered yourself to him, and all he said to express his repugnance was a simple ‘no.’ 

You climbed off him and walked out the office. Your face was on fire from the shame as you straightened your skirt. You chuckled to yourself thinking a walk of shame was better then trying to hook up with your boss only to be rejected. 

You finished work that day, and the next, like nothing was amiss. As if that moment didn’t happen. As if every time you saw him, you weren’t reminded that he didn’t want you. 

Im Jaebum didn’t want you. 

It shouldn’t hurt that bad, especially since you almost swore you hated him with your heart. But it did, it hurt truly terribly badly, and there was nothing you could do about it. 

You couldn’t even feel sorry for yourself long enough too. Because as soon as the hurt and shame went away, and you looked up at your dark ceiling, you remembered her face. 

You remembered the way she had held your hand whenever you were scared. How she would give you that look every time she took your hand giving her courage. Her love, her kindness, her friendship, her. 

How for the first time since you’ve known her... for the first time, it seemed as if Heather truly liked someone and you... 

You didn’t feel sorry for yourself, or your heart that ached. You weren’t sure if the ache was because of the rejection or from the thought of loosing your best friend. But you didn’t feel sorry because what happened was your fault.

“Thanks for the files, y/n,” Jaebum looked up from his desk. For the first time, he was seated in the big boss seat without any reason. You smiled and nodded, before turning to leave, like nothing was amiss. As if that afternoon had never happened, as if you had never crossed that line.

You were almost out the door when he said, “Have a good weekend.”

Your fingers turned white on the handle, but you nevertheless you turned around and gave him a bright smile, “You too, Mr Im.” 

// 

Heather pouted as she sat next to you, before pulling you into a big bear hug. 

“It’s so nice to have my best friend back,” she sang, happily, hugging you tighter. 

You gave her small smile as you leaned into her, petting her arm, “It’s nice to be back.”

“Gosh, I’m so glad you’re done with that internship,” she huffed over the loud music of the club. 

You only nodded as you took a sip of your drink, “I still have three weeks left, Heather.” 

“Three weeks pass by like nothing,” she shook her head. She turned to you with a bright smile, “Remember Bali? Maybe now that you’re going to be more free, maybe we can...” 

She gave you a huge grin, quizzically raising her brows up and down to the music. Before she began bopping her head like a dork to the beat, “What do you say, y/n?” 

I’m sorry. 

“Whatever you want,” you smiled at her, and she exclaimed in joy. 

// 

“Mr Park Jinyoung is now officially the CEO of Spring Industries, and has sent forward a report and plan for their proposal,” You looked up to see Jaebum opening his mouth, but you cut him off knowing his question. “The file is already on your desks, and I have included a summary report from myself and Mr Paul.” 

You had a month and a bit to think about what had happened. In the beginning, you had blamed yourself. It was foolish of you to put yourself out there for him, but the more you thought about the angrier you got. 

It wasn’t all in your head. Im Jaebum did flirt with you. 

He gave you all the signals, all the green lights, and the arrows leading you to him. He basically had made a pathway for you to follow into his arms, and after all that he said no? 

No. 

No, it wasn’t your fault for putting yourself out there for him. You had done it because you thought... you felt that he too... but who knows, Im Jaebum was friendly with everyone. 

But he did tell others his wish was to kiss them?

Did he ever follow anyone to the rooftop of a club and call himself a fool for letting them go?

Did he talk to everyone about his mother?

Did he smile like that at everyone? Look at them like that? Touch them with the faintest touch of his fingertips?

But you should’ve known better. 

These rich guys never go for girls like you. 

You don’t have any money, any wealth, nothing to offer them to make their status go up. You weren’t even pretty enough to be a trophy wife. You were just a girl they could play with behind closed doors. 

But for Jaebum, you weren’t even worth that.

“Spring Industries is having a party on Thursday to announce Park Jinyoung as their new appointed CEO. They have requested your presence to show the companies are friendly--,” you once again looked up from your iPad, to find Jaebum staring at you intently. You ignored his gaze, and the rage that fumed inside you, “It’s most likely a political publicity stunt, but I would recommend you do go to the party, as it will be beneficial for you both-”

“What am I going to do about you?” 

“Excuse me?” You gasped, taken aback. 

Jaebum chuckled, humourlessly. His lips twisted into a smirk, and you realised you hadn’t seen him smile or laugh in a really long time. You tried to shove the pain shooting towards your heart away, but a pang still rang through you as you saw his sad smile. 

“How am I going to do this all without you?” He clarified himself. You stammered unable to think of something to say. Jaebum let out a sigh, “Come to the party with me.” 

“I’m afraid that’s-”

Jaebum interrupted you, making you frown. 

“Your last assignment as my secretary, Miss y/n,” Jaebum tilted his head to the side, smiling slightly as he said, “Come with me.” 

No. 

“What about Heather?” 

“I can’t go to formal gatherings with her without others assuming it's a political play,” Jaebum answered, before shrugging, “It’s too early for that step anyway.” 

Too early? They have been dating for months now, and Heather was head over heels for him, and he is saying it’s too early. 

“I-”

“Please, y/n,” Jaebum’s dark eyes bore into yours, and you held your breath. “One last time.” 

"Alright,” you sighed, defeated. 

“Thanks.” 

Thanks, love, the ghost of his past self whispered.

You swallowed the bitterness, before looking down at your iPad once again. 

“Mr Henry and Mark are...” you continued on as if nothing was wrong. 

Because nothing was wrong. 

Everything was right. 

You were about to end this dreadful internship, and come out debt free. 

Heather was in love with her boyfriend. 

Her boyfriend didn’t fuck her best friend. 

And your best friend was still your best friend. 

Everything was just right, but everything felt so wrong. 

// 

You were leaning against the rich white leather sofa and Heather’s shoulders. Your eyes were closed, as you tried not to break down in front of your best friend. 

You knew Jaebum wasn’t going to be here tonight. It was Friday night and he had a company dinner with the upper shareholders today. So, tonight you decided to sleep over at Heather’s house. 

Just like every moment you spent with her now, you wanted to burst out into tears and tell her everything. Tell her how you fell for him and his teasing words. How you didn’t mean to but you started to like him, how your heart ached every time you saw him. How terrible you felt every time you saw Heather smile at you like that, knowing that you were so close to ruining everything. 

“Hey, what’s wrong, babe?” Heather asked, her soft hands wiping the tears that fell onto your cheeks. 

You shook your head and moved away from her shoulder. You leaned into the corner of your sofa, and tried to hold in the tears. But you couldn’t. 

Your chin began to shake as more tears fell from your eyes. 

“Hey, hey, hey, y/n,” Heather moved towards you quickly. “What’s wrong, babe? You can tell me anything.” 

You shook your head, you couldn’t tell her this. You couldn’t tell her this. You couldn’t lose her. 

“I’m sorry, Heather,” you whispered into her tank top as she pulled your shaking body into her. 

“Shhh,” she hushed, brushing your hair, trying to calm your sobbing body, “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s only to be okay. I’m here for you, I’m always going to be here for you. Okay?” 

You bit your lip as you cried harder. You managed a meek okay through your tears. 

After you had calmed down a bit, you leaned back and looked at your best friend. Her eyes were glistening with concern, and a few stray tears running down her face too from seeing you cry. 

You couldn't hide it from her, she was your other half. You had to tell her, but all you could manage was, “I love him, Heather.” 

I love Im Jaebum.

[wangxianficrecs]

Fic Finder

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1.  Hi, I'm looking for an Untamed fic, maybe you'll be able to help. It's a canon divergence AU in which WWX doesn't lose his core, Jiang Fengmian lives and it's implied that his core was transferred to JC (heavily implied; JFM retires as the Sect Leader after that). This is absolutely not the most important part of this fic but it's a paragraph that I've got stuck in my head and now I'm searching for the rest @_@ Thanks in advance! ~ @otemporaetmores

FOUND! by @notsobabblespace, who was reminded of  I’m aching and I know you are too by edenwolfie (part 3 in series, M, 23k, wangxian)

FOUND!  by @jim-is-spocks-thyla, who suggests ❤️ to arrive late is better than not to arrive at all by Moominmammashandbag (M, 35k, wangxian) [ETA:  Oops, not this one.  JFM has no core, but he didn’t give it to JC]

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2.  Hi Mojo! I’m in need of you/your followers help in finding a fic that I read a little while ago. It was a fic where Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi lived together in Cloud Recesses and their children were Sizhui and an OOC that was younger than him. I remember SiZhui faced a lot of criticism for not being the chief cultivator’s real child? And they were happy he had a younger sibling that would be sect leader in the future because he was blood. Come to think of it, this is probably an ABO fic too. Thanks for your time 💜

FOUND! @andidontmeanto believes this is Blue Blood by PotterheadAvengerDemigod (T, 91k, wangxian, my post)

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3.  Aksks it's like 3 am but I just remembered a fic and I can't find it?? I'd really, really appreciate your help. It was a wangxian fic, maybe a oneshot idk, and lwj was kind of a nerd and wwx a badboy? So basically lwj has a massive crush on him and dresses up like wwx etc. (i think he even got an undercut) and after a party they sleep with each other at lwj's place?

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4.  i’m looking for a fic set in the where lwj’s mother killed his father? i don’t think that was a main plot point but it did show up in his backstory - any idea what this might be? ~ @thehype

FOUND!  @rentslirott thinks this could be ❤️the best of you by sysrae (E, 42k, wangxian, my post)

FOUND!  @castaways-logbook offers  The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 39k, wangxian, WIP)

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5.  ... same as #6 ...

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6.  Hello friend, sorry for the inconvenience but I wanted to see if you could please find me a fic that I lost but I only remember more or less the final part, it goes more or less like this, lan zhan and wei ying are kidnapped by jin guangyao and lock them up if not I'm wrong in some cells next to lan xichen after the fights jin guangyao dies but lan xichen did know how bad jin guangyao had done and he didn't care and then to get revenge he wants to kill wei ying but lan zhan kills him and sizhui gets scared It was more or less like that, please help me ~ @isa0123lol

FOUND!  by @wangxiansfics who says that tragically it’s no longer available, but @dulachodladh found it on WaybackMachine here: Thread and Needle by haysel (M, 86k, wangxian)

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7.  Hi, Mojo! I'm glad that you're back but I hope you enjoyed your time off tumblr! Can you and/or your followers help me find a fic? I think the summary was talking about wwx and somehow they were asking mingjue for help since he's the only one who can help. The summary was in italics and it's a dialogue from some guy? And a shorter summary below. Sadly this is the only thing I can remember but I hope you can still help me

FOUND!  @alwayswenning suggests love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, has it’s own fanfic here, I just finished this last night!, my bookmark)

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8.  Sorry to bombard you as soon as you're back, but this one's driving me crazy--a modern AU where they met online. WWX thinks LWJ is an old man from how he talks. I don't remember much except the excerpt made it seem like he still was amused by/enjoyed talking to him, and Wen Qing was telling him it was a bad idea and to stop. It's not How to Fall In Love With a Catfish, tho that one is brilliant! (Also any top notch identity porn would be great) Hope your break was restful, you deserve it! Thanks

Here’s my #identity porn tag, but I’m not sure about this exact story.

I'm the anon for #8 on the fic finder. Though I'm excited to read it, the suggested fic isn't the one I was looking for. I swear I thought I saw it on here around a month ago or slightly more, but searches have failed me.

FOUND!  Rating: General Audiences by Mishaa (T, 18k, wangxian WIP) -  mysterious author LWJ (speculated to be an old man because of his formality) and infamous artist WWX paired up for an Untamed Big Bang (in an AU where JGY was the series’ antiheroic protagonist; this fic was written before the release of CQL.)

FOUND?  could you be looking for  Something Real by Latios (G, 5k, wangxian, my post) - wwx thinks lwj is an old man, but there’s no WQ.  There are many pictures of bunnies.

SIMILAR! @emilysidhe thought of ID Bro Saga by Bowandtie (T, 39k, wangxian)

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9.  Hey, how are you? Could you help me please? I've read 3 fanfics once, but I can't find them anymore. 1 - Nanny Problem, Wei is going to be the babysitter of A-Yuan, he is an omega and Lan is an alpha. 2 - Doctor Perfect, Yibo is an omega nurse and Xiao is an alpha doctor. 3 - The Baby of my Omega, Yibo is omega and Xiao is alpha, both of them are bodyguards, but Yibo has to protect Xiao in the beginning. I think they were at ao3, but I really can't find them. Can you help me please? Thank you!! ~ @weallmad

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10.  Hi! Im happy you’re back. I hope you had a good break. I missed your recommendations, but at the same time i got a break from fics and actually studied to my tests haha.  [Ah!  I’m glad to hear your time was spent productively!]  I’m looking for a fic like Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground. In the fic im looking for wangxian slowly lose their senses instead of all of them at once. Like they lose their hearing, then touch, sight etc, They can’t see each other or hear each other. I’m sorry i can’t explain very well.

FOUND?  Could you be thinking of  ❤️shadows in the sun rise by Yuu_chi (E, 25k, wangxian)?  Only lwj losese his senses one by one in this one, though.

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11.  heyyy im trying to find this fic where wwx died the first time he was thrown in to the burial mounds then 10 years later he gets resurrected or something. I can't find it on AO3 and it's been bugging me for days. Thank you!

FOUND!  Well, @moku-youbi offers both of these as possibilities:

Did I Not Explain Why the Sunset Turns Red? by 3988Akasha (E, 100k, wangxian)

we're starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 95k, wangxian)

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12.  Hi I am looking for a fic where wwx is a witch (/mage?) in a world where magic is being persecuted (especially in Gusu) except for Yunmeng/Lanling I think but they're still frowned upon nonetheless. Then after accidentally hurting Shijie, wwx runs away, and ends up hiding in Gusu pretending to be a servant to lwj (lwj is a prince, lxc is the emperor) but lwj actually knows of his identity and tries not-so-discreetly to protect him from being caught. Thanks!

FOUND! by @bibliobasilisk who gives us Witchfinder by misbehavingvigilante (E, 86k, wangxian)

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13.  Hi! Firstly, I'm glad to see you're back, and I hope your break was a good one! I'm trying to find a LWJ/WWX story that I had planned to read and ending up losing before I could. It was set in the immediate aftermath of the 33 lashes, LWJ is in the Jingshi recovering when a healer(?) discovers he's pregnant (by WWX). It may have been a/b/o verse, but I'm not 100% on that. Part of the story was a flashback to when WWX was still alive. Thank you!

FOUND!  by nonny themself.  It’s Unexpected Surprise by Glucose_Gremlin (E, 4k, wangxian)

SIMILAR! @mondelgel suggests my heart is kept as pure as ice in a jade vase/一片冰心在玉壶 by Daledesu (M, 21k, wangxian, WIP)

SIMILAR! from @impending-cuttlefish:  something new, something white, something blue by ariskamalt (E, 140k, wangxian, WIP)

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14.  I'm trying to find this one fic where Jin Ling finds this diary that Wei Ying wrote as the Yiling Patriarch that basically reveals everything, including the golden core reveal and it even has training tips that helps Jon Ling improve. When Wei Ying comes back, he tries everything to keep him there because he is THE best uncle now. I need to find it because it is a N E E D.

FOUND? by @theladypeartree who says, “The Truth (Untold) is jl reading jyl's journals, not wwx's though. And mordant is jl returning wwx's journals that he found, not grew up with. Neither fit #14 properly, but I seriously could not find anything closer after two solid days of searching. Good luck!“

The Truth (Untold) by anxiouswreck0_0 (g, 3k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian)

or this one on ffn:

mordant by tennisnotensai (M, 18k, wangxian, here’s the link for mobile)

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15.  I have heard tell of a Sizhui/Jingyi fic where the boys end up going to Wangxian for advice about how to be intimate. Can you help me find it?

FOUND!  @manaika-chan says this one is On Advisement by LaMachina17 (M, 19k, wangxian, zhuiling, chengyi)

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16.  nm

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17.  Hi! Sorry, do you happen to know that nsfw fic where wwx is still studying in the cloud recesses and he’s reading a novel (im not sure if it was from nhs) that features a cultivator couple and there’s a scene in the book where the woman was pegging her husband? Basically wwx got curious about this and tried fingering himself. I remember he was hiding in the back mountains and then lwj eventually caught him

FOUND?  Could you be thinking of  Deep in the Woods by malkinmalkout (E, 5k, wangxian, my post)?

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18.  Ahhh I'm going crazy trying to think of a fic that I've read where Lan Zhan killed Wen Chao in a locker room and nie huaisang stood guard outside the door! Then lan zhan went to lan huan and said I killed someone and he said did they deserve it? Then it's fine. And I can't remember the name of the fic! Have you heard of it? ~ @uchihaautumn

FOUND! @artemisisdiana offers So Full Of Love (Wouldn't Know Where to Start) by witchupbitch (M, 54k, wangxian, WIP)

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19.  Hi, I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. I read it a while ago and I don't really remember all the details but it was a modern au where Lan Wangji was a police officer in this small town and Wei Wuxian comes back after years, having left the town due to some stuff. Thank you in advance.

Btw love your blog. I live for your fic recs.  [Thank you!]

FOUND?  Could you be looking for medium blues by dark_and_terrible (E,193k,  wangxian)?  It appears to be taken down atm, but it might come back (it’s done it before).

FOUND! by @grannyweatherwaxshat who offers When a Bird Flies, It Leaves Feathers by Bem_Kofi (not rated, 75k, wangxian)

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20.  Hi mojo!! First of all I luv your blog Thank you so much for all those ficrecs.  [You’re welcome!]  Actually I’m looking for a fic I read months ago. I probably found the fic from your blog. But I can’t seem to find it now 😢 it was a modern au wangxian fic (inspired by call me by ur name?) wwx was like 5 years older than lwj. (And lwj was like 16?) Wwx lives in another city but he spent around a year in cloud recesses with lwj in the past. And wwx yanli and jc visits cloud recesses again and wangxian gets 2gether

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[My ko-fi.]

[azeriaa]

Hi!! these are some asks that has been in my inbox since September— I will answer them now!!

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ASKS UNDER CUT

@mmangaboi​ Oh, I- I don’t know??? I honestly don’t know?? Why is it there?? Well, never mind... maybe its “time” has stopped since nobody really remembers them anymore. Also congratulations! You have found one of the Easter Eggs I planted in the comic hahaha. More importantly, a crucial one.

@silheedil​​ That’s literally everyone after Part 9 has been released for 2 months. (*´艸｀). Have you all been thinking that as a grammar error??? Well, there’s a story to why he speaks in Past Tense, and it may doesn’t make a lot of sense. Basically, his future is taken away.

*attempts bad mouse drawing on ms paint* Well, I would like to know what’s your thought on that last question (￣∇￣)

HI!!! I love you a lot too!!!! What happens when past rewinds himself?? He goes back in time of course!! Ya big dummy!! (｀▽´)/ *bonk*

And your ask give me more serotonin than you ffffffffffffffffffffffff <3 <3 I’m glad you love it so much!! I will continue to do my best!~ (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

Im taking a wild guess — kingofk1nk is that you?? Sorry if I’m wrong ahahhah.

Oh no, you’re not dumb! I’m very sure I confused you on purpose and I have successfully done so! No just kidding I have no idea what am I doing as well despite I know how the story goes.

Neverland was actually a place where “forgotten” things go, where nobody has remember that AU, not even the creator themselves, It is basically a graveyard for ideas. So no, Hard mode wouldn’t be here.

Again, still a heavy draft, don’t count too much on it. (★ｕдｕ)σ

@k0re-drawings​ HIIIIII !!!!!!! I MISS HANGING OUT ON TUMBLR TOO AHH H H H H EXAM IS KICKING MY BUTT but I kicked it back. ( • ̀ω•́  )✧

*attempts another bad mouse drawing on ms paint* I am doing well hasdsdf <3 thanks for asking asdfasdf 

@pistachio-mint-puppet​ Hello! Just passing by to tell you that— TAHNK SDYFASDFODJF THANK YOU!!! and I wish you a wonderful, fantastic day!!

@owizy​ I will never stop making the comics until I have finish telling my story!! Season 2 is coming next year February!! Though, there may be a delay because the cases in my country are rapidly growing and there’s a good chance the exam will be delayed until May or April ;n; I wanna draw!!!!!!!!!!! *slams table aggressively*

no... (´･ω･`) The only way to enter the Neverland is to erase your existence from everyone’s memory. That’s a comic idea for one of the mini-series but I’m not sure if I have time to draw/continue it hahaha. Nothing goes in or out. 

These interactions with other Sans(es) are not canon hahaha. Well, you can probably hack your own existence so nobody remembers you and access the Neverland? Who would want to do that, honestly. Abyss.

asdhfdf my hands are so itchy to tell you about this comic idea, let’s see if it will be drawn out or not.

[violasmirabiles]

got tagged by @panwriter, thank you xx

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise? ali. pronounce it however you like i dont really care lol

2. when is your birthday? march 26. so just a few weeks from now. oh boy

3. where do you live? joensuu, finland babey

4. three things you are doing right now? pretending im reading the essays i shouldve read for methodology class weeks ago, making a list of things i need to get from the university library (and where those books are exactly - i dont actually go to the uni library very often at all but for some reason rather many of the books i need arent available as ebooks), trying to drink the second bucket of coffee of the day without spilling it everywhere

5. four fandoms that have piqued your interest? re-animator; stephen king multiverse (was gonna just say the shining and doctor sleep but we all know its more than that); saw franchise; the godfather. though with sk and godfather im basically just playing in my own little isolated sandbox and im more than fine with that thank you

6. how has the pandemic been treating you? ah well. its been treating me. got my ba degree and generally have been able to study more so thats good. spent five months with my family in tampere last year and itd probably be good for me to go there again but as it is im stuck in my apartment because of doctors appointments. like thats the only reason i cant just Go. also i recently realized i havent seen my grandma in over a year and cried about that. choir stuff is obviously all fucky and uncertain. also having time to think about things and stuff means ive been figuring out gender stuff so thats been.....interesting....and energy consuming.....and crisis inducing

7. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? täällä on joku by absoluuttinen nollapiste, its finnish weirdness hours in my head 247

8. recommend a movie. i mean, yeah, re-animator

9. how old are you? 25. 26 in a few weeks

10. school, university, occupation, other? university of eastern finland, babey! english language and culture major, literature minor. did my ba thesis on the shining. the novel, fuck the kubrick film, and wouldnt have been allowed to do my thesis about a film anyway. so right now im a masters student and will start working on my ma thesis next year, trying to get as many classes out of the way before that as possible. dont know what im gonna be once i graduate and id really rather not think about that but i do like studying in spite of everything

11. do you prefer heat or cold? heat. but, like... thats relative, isnt it? what i consider warm is Definitely Not warm to someone who lives in, like, texas. and i Tolerate cold and, christ i dont know. my favorite season is spring.

12. name one fact others may not know about you. once came second in a school skiing competition! i was ten. we didnt get medals, we got like pins/brooches and i still have my silver brooch somewhere

13. are you shy? sometimes. often. im anxious

14. pronouns? they/them. like i said ive been trying to figure out gender stuff and the only thing im Very sure of is that i am Not Cis, and im scared, and i get easily defensive about it all, and i have a lot of internalized issues i need to work on. gendered pronouns are like my number one personal enemy, i need the sort of....neutrality, ambiguity, yknow. finnish does not Have gendered pronouns, we have hän for he/she/they/every neopronoun - and we dont even fucking use that one, everyones just se (it) and thats all fine and dandy when you dont want to Think about your Gender every time someone refers to you and im rambling because i am once again getting defensive for no reason sdfdsfs yeah theres still a lot to unload here i swear were getting there

15. biggest pet peeves? on a bad day? everything. but to give an actual answer, people not realizing their experiences are not universal and that their actions can and will have an effect on others

16. what is your favorite “-dere” type? glad to say im temporarily illiterate so i dont know what this says

17. rate your life from 1 to 10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be im afraid i cant do that luv i dont want to have a breakdown

18. what’s your main blog? this one babey

19. list your side blogs and what they’re used for. i have @ihmekukkavesi for my photography and @shineondoc for university hell and occasional doctor sleep/the shining yelling. im not gonna call it my studyblr cos it....its really not....its not. im not a good student. im not organized, i dont feel like im Doing This right. im definitely not exemplary. everything becomes a crisis and i need to let it out somewhere and thats what shineondoc is for. 

20. is there something people need to know about you before becoming friend? oh boy. uh. im not good at keeping a conversation going. yet at the same time i cannot fucking shut up if were talking about something im excited about. i dont know how Real this is but i feel like i might come across as like...arrogant or something but i swear im just scared and trying to keep myself from Rambling(tm) and. well. trying to sound like a normal fucking person. 

tagging @nowendil @appelssiini @librarytraveller @sailonacrossthesea @stokoetopia @kirsikkaprinsessa and anyone whos bored and wants to do this

[aiviloti]

my 2020 fic writer wrap-up!!

this is going to be incredibly long (a total of 1.1k lmao) so imma put a cut here, but basically thank you for being here all throughout my 2020! i appreciate you all very much <3

fav kind of fic to write:

i love writing about mutual pining slow burn process of getting together but i have NEVER WRITTEN ONE IN MY LIFE so i hope to change that in 2021

in 2020 i discovered??? humour??? so i enjoy writing about that and when people tell me i’ve succeeded in making them laugh it’s all 😳😳😳 for me

hardest fic to write but also most proud of:

to write you a song was a fic i struggled with from all of april to june which is very long?? to me??? considering i usually sit down and write things in one seating. fully fleshed ideas don’t usually take me thaaaaaat long to crunch out, but for some reason i struggled bad with this bc I really didn’t know where i was going w it lol

LA LA LAND gets an honorary mention of it’s own simply because it was 44k, and it took me all of july-september, but it’s something i still am proud of! to show how difficult it was to write/plot here’s the spreadsheet i had to use to keep track of the scenes and the chapters djkgfsjdfkjhgd

Shout out to kiroiimye , sweet , sirius and krypt for keeping my sanity intact

easiest fic to write:

this genshin impact fic: The Land Favoured by the Wind but its because ive been thinking about this idea for more than a month lol so the actual writing and editing took me less than 3 hours

there were several others too, bc ideas then to hook themselves to me then refuse to let go fjshlfgdfsg

fav fic to write:

Most definitely this sakuatsu monstrosity here by the name of Miya Atsumu's unwavering love for Sakusa Kiyoomi and an unholy amount of terrible food analogies that should not have the right to Exist lol, I only came up with the idea of Atsumu asking Osamu how to make friends bc I was friendship pining for someone at the time and then proceeded to write the entirety of it in a feverish daze! It’s as of rn my top hit / kudoed / bookmarked fic on ao3 and man, thanks for liking this as much as i did :’D

writing sequence:

i have to write from start to finish lmao i cant move on if the fic isnt chronological? the only exception was la la land bc it was too long and i had help from the spreadsheet so i alr knew where i was going i just had to write it down dfhdsfksfksdfhjg

deleting works:

the only fics i remember deleting are both first chapters of a multichap, bc i dont like having unfinished pieces on ao3, and far less if im not sure if ill finish them/if i dont know where im going w it!

if it’s dark history of shit 15 year old me wrote imma keep it there! it is an archive after all. go on, judge my fics from 5 years ago ahahahaha

best writing advice:

not a general thing and might just apply tome, but i tend to write in very convoluted ways and squish a lot in my sentences, or add to many unnecessary commas, so i received advice recently about being more mindful of the pacing and it’s helped me a lot!

worst writing advice:

none at the top of my head djgfkdsjfh if it’s bs to me i just forget it entirelyyyy

collab:

@actuallyasweetpotato​ (also aforementioned sweet) and i did a thing for bokuaka week!!!! you can find it here:  under my breath and into your scarf

wips:

9 unfinished zine pieces, 3 commissions, 1 exchange piece, about 10 or so other things

fav story of another writer:

favourite things 

manly man falls for manliest man krbk fic!!!

gently, like a winter wind iwaoi birthday fic

sunchaser krbk fic

JUNO atsuhina fic

best review:

dude i cried

and shoutout to tien , sirius for fan art, fan comics, fan animatics of fics ive written, and shoutout to akemiiiii for this song they wrote i am eternaally grateful

worst review:

no negativity today!

prequel/sequel to other people’s fics:

none at the top of my head hm, but if anything probably any of kiro skk stuff 

do i reread my stuff:

yes, but only if they’re old enough for me to go “it’s okay even if i dont like it bc this is old”

published:

hopefully! even though i do take part in zines and i guess they already have been published in a broad sense

fav/least fav chara to write:

no one at the top of my head! it’s instinctive for me to go ahead and think about character motives whenever i come across them, so if i ever write about someone, i usually just put my spin/interpretation of a character in a way that i can comprehend. the pros of this is i can write about many people, and the downside is that these characterisations can come off as out of character to anyone who doesn’t agree w me hehe

deadlines or goals:

if it’s a oneshot that’s under 3k i usually aim to have it done within 24 hours of beginning the fic. even tho i rarely succeed, having that as a goal usually pushes me to get it done faster than i would have if i had no goal altogether! if it’s anything long i aim for 1k a day, tho rn all my deadlines are zine deadlines and on top of that there’s uni, so to say im not stressing about writing would be a lie LOL

fav writers: (am too shy to tag but i swear these people are literal gods)

chonideno (mag): tumblr | twitter | ao3

batman (teesta): twitter | ao3

maplefudge (raei): tumblr | twitter | ao3

trope never written, would like to try:

aforementioned SLOWBURN MUTUAL PINING ANGST W A HAPPY ENDING GETTING TOGETHER!!!

but also royalty au

trope you will never write:

haha loads

how long have you been a writer:

began writing around may of 2014!! it was a horrible piece but im glad i started somewhere

influences:

chonideno/mag is one! maggie stiefvater who wrote the raven boys is also one, among many others

hardest part of writing: 

writing action? writing things that are happening right now, describing people talking, eating

easiest part of writing:

descriptions of people, places, feelings. internal monologues, the like

best part of writing:

sharing how i perceive the world w other people, and discovering other people agree

wip sneak peek:

cw: hanahaki, falling out of love

this was written in a friend’s dms lmao this is why i sound like this

something unique i bring to all my stories

i had a revelation the other day after talking to all my friends and realised i have really pretentious titles

IF YOU’RE HERE

did you know the wc of this thing is 1k words? idk why you stuck through all of that but thank you. i’ll keep writing in 2021, and all the years after that, and i hope i’ll find you doing things you love too :)

[sunshineseung]

Content Creator Year in Review

tagged by: @bearseungmin :o thank you for thinking im interesting enough to do this lol tagging: uhhh idk who’s been tagged yet so if you’re a smaller creator and want to participate in this tag, feel free to do it and tag me so i can see it :)

2020 was a fucking mess but I finally started writing here on Tumblr so I guess it wasn’t that bad in that aspect, right? For real, thank you for the endless amounts of support on this blog! Ya’ll are insanely sweet and supportive and I’m glad I joined this community when I did, because I’m having such a good time interacting with ya’ll and writing my shitty stories. Here’s to another year of being horny for kpop idols and writing smut to satisfy the insatiable!

(year in review under the cut)

1. first creation of 2020 and most recent creation of 2020 first: Anniversary - This is the first smut I ever wrote... it kinda sucks now but ya’ll still seem to like it lol most recent: Gag Gift - I’ve been super depressed so this took like a month to release, but I also hated the first several drafts, but I’m happy with it now :) Startting 2020 with being horny for Seungmo and ending it with being horny for Seungmo. Perfectly balanced as all things should be.

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020  I’m gonna do three of my faves lol Sinner (Part One) - Ah, a classic. I went in on this one, and I really like the end result, and clearly everyone else did because dozens of people requested a part two! Royalty - Probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written in terms of stray kids smut, honestly. I’m just really proud of it lol Little Secret - Duh!!! This was my first planned series smut (sorry Sinner) and the reaction it got was just amazing. Thank you for the support on this little bitch of a story!

3. a creation you’re really proud of  R O Y A L T Y ^^^

4. a creation that took you forever  gag gift :’) but also it took me like 30 years to finish writing my NCT drabbles for SMM 100 so... that !

5. a creation from 2020 that received the most notes  i’m pretty sure my post with the most notes is my mark lee drabble, but if it isn’t... oops! Little Secret also got a bunch of notes, plus the OT8 stray kids things I made a few months ago... phew! ya’ll really liked those lol

6. a creation you think deserved more notes  ya’ll slept on my hendery in a maid cat outfit drabble and I will not forgive you for that TT

7. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it  I just became an nctzen in january of this year after being interested in them since their debut lol but i’m glad i’m an nctzen now because NCT 2020 is the highlight of my year (other than SHINee coming back ofc). I’ve linked to the nct smuts like 100 times already so just... scroll up lol

8. a creation you made that breaks your heart psycho because it’s breakup angst from when i was missing my ex which just so happened to occur while ‘00 line did their psycho performance lol thanks hyunjin for the fuel 

9. a ‘simple’ creation you really love  first kiss is my only not smut work on my blog and I still love it with all my dainty little heart :) ya’ll slept on this one too but i understand why. it isn’t smut so ya’ll dont care about it lol it’s alright 

10. a creation that was inspired by another one  movie night was inspired by a jisung cockwarming fic i read on wattpad, but i can’t remember what book it was in :( sorry! but it was just a short drabble that made my brain go brrr so i had to write a whole fic about it (and then someone else requested it so i HAD HAD to do it)

11. a favorite creation by someone else inhales any of these but also ... I think about this one like... DAILY ! Actual art right here ugh i just love king/royalty stories ig one of my favorite threesome smuts!!! johnny suh just does something to a girl, okay? subby lix owns my heart THIS FIC DRIVES ME CRAZY ARE YOU KIDDING ??? that’s all for right now but you can go through the whole fic rec tag and see what kind of kinky shit i’m into lol

12. some of your favorite content creators from this year @lovebini - I literally visit ems blog basically every day just to see what FINE ART has been posted. everything is just A+++ if you aren’t following her already, what are you doing? @hanji - you dont understand... I’m OBSESSED jokes aside, another blog I visit a lot ! it’s all just so good wtf  @mochinnie - everything is GOLD 10/10 highly recommend :) @nightshade-minho - definition of perfect. this mf dont miss! everything is incredible and just... so good! please! if you aren’t following already youre missing tf out! @hanflix - duh. duh! wha- duh!!! so good, so so so good! amazingly talented person writing on a gorgeous blog. literal perfection!  @binniesthighs - great username, great content! another blog where every story is high art that should be put in... a really good museum that i totally know the name of!  that’s all that i can think of right now, but i’m sure i’m an active follower on some other blogs that i’m blanking on right now since i usually just scroll through the stray kids smut tag lmao.

again, thank you for an incredible year! more content coming soon! 

[brinaedwards]

Hi, my name is Brina... and I’m a workaholic

As the above title states, my name is Brina and yes, I am a workaholic. I don't think of that as a bad thing since I enjoy the self-motivation and the feeling of accomplishment when I get tasks done. However, my boyfriend thinks that I should focus some of that time getting more hours of sleep, haha. 

I attended Valley Central High school and graduated in 2017. High school was an okay experience, if I wasn’t apart of the band program I feel that I would have disliked it more and would not have an interest in the things I do now. I’m not trying to shit on the school, but I feel that it needed a deep cleanse on administration staffing and just an overall re-look on how to spend the funding. Just saying, I think the asbestos issue should have been handled before the  bleachers and locker rooms. But, not my problem anymore, Thank God. 

When it came to deciding colleges and all that jazz, my high school was zero help in the whole process. Yes, they talked about it but at that age things should be more simplified to understand what needs to be done. I’m 22 and I just finally figured out how to build up my credit score? Like, HELLO, start teaching kids about loans and all the other financial shit that goes into college. Not to mention the absolute lack of help I got when picking my major. I knew I wanted to go into the music or media industry and of course, none of my advisors had a clue what I was talking about. I decided on OCCC for the pricing and that cushion of still figuring out what I wanted to do. I attended SUNY Orange Fall of 2017 as a liberal arts: music emphasis major. Fast forward a year later to find out that they actually have a music program! Got to love the help advisors give you right? More so, the help wrong advisors give you. That following fall I was a full Music: Performing Arts major and loved every second of it. I met amazing, talented people that I am very glad to still be in touch with. When I was on my last semester and was on the edge of graduating I had the moment of “Oh, God.. What the hell am I going to do after this”. I decided I wasn't ready to move on from SUNY Orange, since I had no idea what direction to go. I started looking into another major and that's when I found New Media! I was always interested on how content was made and what went into making a film. I remember my cousin and I used to make these little movie clips with the windows movie maker. We thought we were going to be these big movie-making hot shots at 8/9 years old haha. 

I am grateful that I took my time with school and by the end of this OCCC journey I will be graduating next Fall with two A.A.S degrees and a clear idea of where I want to go.

Aside from anything media related I’ve been on this reading kick. Genres from fantasy, horror and some history. This summer my boyfriend and I got really into reading/collecting comic books! He has way more comics than I do but at least once a week we’re at Middletown Comics seeing what new issues came out! Now with the fall/Halloween season fast approaching I have been planning some great ideas for this year! I know I may catch a lot of eye-rolls/ mini-hate from those not wishing summer to be over but I can’t wait for fall. Besides, halloween is everyday haha. I’ve been looking at Pinterest ideas on how to DIY some awesome decorations. I guess Pinterest is somewhat media related though? Ah well, since I'm back talking about it, I might as well talk about the last movie and TV show I watched. The last movie I watched was actually what had to be watched for COM 105. It was the 1995 movie Kids and uh.. it was definitely something haha. I understood the point of how it related to youth culture but I would not want to watch that movie again. As for the last TV show I watched, was again what I had to be watched for COM 105. It was Euphoria season 1 and that was a really good show. I know I only had to watch the first four episodes but I binged the whole season. The way the story was told was creative, I enjoyed the narrative back a forth style and how each character had their own stories. It made it worth getting a month of HBO Max.  

Being on the topic of last things done, I suppose the next order is the last book/video game played or finished. The last book I finished was A Map of the Dark by Karen Ellis. I got that book from Thrill Club. It’s basically a horror/thriller/anything dark and creepy book subscription. I canceled thrill club awhile ago and just now getting into the books I was sent. Anyway back to this book that I read. I found it a little empty. I just wanted more from it, it was very predictable and dry. I wanted more character depth, more suspense and just more of everything. The book is in the corner of my room at this moment because I’m going to donate it, that's how unsatisfying it was to me. But HEY if anyone is interested in a dry thriller let me know! Haha. As for the last video game played it would have to be Assassins Creed Valhalla and that was a few weeks ago. I do love to game but when I’m getting into a project or assignment, more of my focus goes into that rather than a video game. But my goal this semster is to take more time to myself and have self-care days, so Valhalla here I come! 

Going down the “Lasts” list I have to my right here is, the last thing I created. Um, I guess the last thing I created was a make up look, that I will post a pic of at the bottom!  I do have ideas I wish to create such as uploading my podcast and YouTube videos! Im a really big planner so when it comes to things like that I want to have clear, organized agenda. I do have a date that I want things done and released so there’s that! I will probably mention more of my podcast in future posts but for now things are in the works. 

Which now brings us to the last thing of the “Lasts” list. Im sure there is a tongue twister in there somewhere but I don’t have the brain capacity to think of one. My last meal on earth would have to be what I had for dinner last night. I ate cheese ravioli with a side of mozzarella sticks. 

I know this assignment was supposed to be a minimum of 500 words and I believe I exceeded that. I look forward to these blog assignments since I can let my mind go and word things as if I was actually speaking. Well with a post this long I guess it’s safe to say I was ranting. 

To future rants and of course the required MLA formatted references! 

[etherealino]

works of 2020.

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! chose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want so we can spread the love and link each other’s awesome works!

tagged by: @chaninfused and @missinghan thank u my loves. ♥️

tagging: @lavenderlattaes @wooyukh @vamchanstopher @unsaidhj @maaneskin @nightshade-minho @ anyone else who wants to,, i lack in friends here im so sorry SJSJSJSJSJSJ

im not sure if i’ve written a lot buuut sjsjsjs there are some fics that im rlly proud of like rlly proud even though i sometimes take 9 months to finish it bcs honestly some prompts are still from 2018. anyway,,,

1. too early but not enough // l. minho

i’m not gonna lie. im not proud w the title but it took me months to go with one. but i’ve created this one simply with the prompt “well, you’re early.” and everything just came crashing to me. it was just supposed to be a blurb, really until i lay down my bed and was like ‘shit. well.’ i’ve had the idea since may, been working on it since may and only finished the day before minho’s birthday lmao. i’m in love with reincarnated aus and yeah djshdbfjh well u see what i did there. also, i saw a lot say it reminded them of the kdramas black, goblin and hotel del luna and ngl, goblin is the only one that i’ve watched. i just seriously love this one and it is my fave so far in my works. KJFHBDFJ and this is my most hyped one,, i think,, but it received a lot of positive feedbacks aND GRRR THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU

2. kisses // l. minho

yeah. another minho. i dont know how i came up with this. i just did. i forgot how !! maybe bcs my friends would leave me kisses either on the top of my head or on my cheek when we see or say bye to each other. and i just melted into puddles when i thought of minho doing it. oh there we go i remembered. but yes !! i worked on this for 9 months HAHAHHA,, i reMEMBER WAKING UP AT 3 AM TO BE ABLE TO POST THIS BCS MY WIFI WAS SHITTY AROUND THAT TIME AND THEN TUMBLR WOULDNT LET ME POST AND THEN FURAT ASKED ME WHAT HAPPENED IDK WHY IM SCREAMING BUT IM JUST LAUGHING SO HARD,, this is actually my first full length fic and i kept rereading the last part bcs idk i love how i wrote this one djdhjdj

3. mixtape: on track // s. changbin

i’ve had this idea since 2018 and didnt stan skz yet. it was simply bcs of song request by lee sora ft yoongi and another filipino song that my best friend and i always clown (hi babi lmao) bcs it’s basically requesting a song bcs they’re heartbroken. anyway, i’ve almost written this for kyungsoo from exo, i used to have a side blog but idk where that went,, thankfully i was too lazy to write it and then two years later, skz releases on track and i remembered the plot i had in my head about radio thingy and it was just simply perfect for binnie bcs he wrote it. and i’m really glad i never wrote it before and that i got to write it for binnie.

4. three times you show him you love him and the one time you actually said it // b. chan

yup, i just posted that HAHAHAHA but the thing about it is the last part. idk, i saw it in ig and i loved it. so here we are. i think i should’ve named it saturn instead or something. 

5. soft unplanned kisses // ot8

i wrote this in one seating and i’m proud HAHDHFHAH also, i just think that unplanned kisses are the most meaningful kisses.

that’s it. that’s my top 5 and i just wanted to say that thank you for reading my works even though i’m not proud of most of it. but still thank you. i love you!  stay safe, doll. <3

[maddiesup]

Tag game!

I was tagged by @ohbabycupcakes thank u💖

RULES: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people + leave comments on all of them

This is gonna be hard, where do I even start?

1) Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Okay I'm- trying not to laugh too hard because oh boy, this show was a complete mess. BUT Keith still stays as one of my favorite characters ever just because no matter how badly I was hurt by vld he'll always be precious to me 💖 He's hotheaded, cool and a lone wolf, but needs affection more than anyone else on the team. He's easy for me to relate to as I am more likely to push someone away than to keep them close just to avoid being hurt as well. His development is amazing tho and I love love him so much 😭 also it might be just that I have a soft spot for emo characters lmao

2) Todoroki Shoto (Boku no Hero Academia)

This just reinforces my statement earlier since Todoroki is pretty emo too :') But in a different way than Keith. If you are a part of bnha fandom you know he's generally a little bit overrated, but I couldn't help falling in love with him at first sight anyway lol His backstory is tragic but he keeps pursuing his dream and damn is he good at it. Also the combo of fire and ice is aesthetic goals. However, what I admire the most about Shoto is probably his loyalty to his friends, his will to fight and sometimes his goofy attitude (even if he probably isn't aware that he's being goofy lol) In conclusion: I love him, let's move on.

3) Uenoyama Ritsuka (Given)

Can I just stop to say how much I love given for a moment? Like I've never seen a bl anime/manga that would portray gay characters so respectfully 😭❤️ Ue is basically me gay panicking, I feel the boy so much :') OH also what's up with gays & guitars bc first given, then why r u and now also 2gether :') (I might be falling in love with this trope help) okay so: Ue is panicking when he starts liking Mafuyu but he handles it so well in a way? He doesn't deny his crush even if he is slow to notice it lol He's straightforward and sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but even if he's supposed to be "the cool guy" we see him in the most hilarious settings and that just makes me love him all the more 💖 he respects Mafuyu and his boundaries and I want more of that in bl anime please

4) Eiji & Ash (Banana Fish)

Uhhhh this anime,,, I CANNOT choose between Ash and Eiji, I'm gonna forever see them as a pair and that's simply it. Ash is another emo one I would like to say that but he's actually not. He's backstory is heartbreaking and the life he has to live is dangerous and scary. He gets used to this reality where he has no one to rely on and no one to trust but then Eiji appears tearing his walls down and making him finally be able to show his soft and sensitive side to someone. Eiji is like a salve for his wounds and yes, I'm still emotional about it bc their relationship is one of the best developped I've ever seen. Their bond is so strong it's beautiful, they would literally die for each other. It's so apparent that they love each other and care for each other so much (don't mind me crying in the corner)

5) Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)

PJ technically got me into fantasy/sci-fi in elementary school and it stays at the top of my favorite book series list ever (big props to Uncle Rick 👏) The whole series is funny and I would say pretty light-hearted even tho you know,,, Percy saves the world several times, lol, usual demigod things™. He's lovable. Son of Poseidon so he has seaweeds instead of a brain (or so you thought, he is brilliant at strategic planning and has a charisma to be a great leader), has a very good sense of humor, is loyal and would risk everything for his friends. Also he loves his girlfriend very much and I was crying while reading the House of Hades but no one needed to know that oh well. I'm also gonna mention Nico de Angelo here, since he fell in love with Percy (didn't we all tho) and was the first gay character I saw portrayed in the book and oh do I love him 😭💖

6) 707 (Mystic Messenger)

Was I losing sleep over this game? I was. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. I think my choices are pretty boring tho, since Seven is literally everyone's favorite but oh boy there's a reason for that. Apart from being a talented hacker who knows too much (and I think is cautious of us the most at the start) he has a lovely happy-go-lucky personality composed of all the lame jokes, questions "have you eaten already" and anxiety (another emo one). He's that type of a character who will always try to make you laugh but you never know what's going on inside his head. He's mysterious and we don't get to know him well till his route so pretty much till the end of the game lol. Also he loves his brother, phd pepper, honey buddha chips and Elizabeth 3rd the most in this entire world and I love him for that

7) Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

ANOTHER EMO ONE okay but hear me out Evan has social anxiety and its portrayal is almost too real for me. He makes a big oopsie which at the start seems like a little innocent lie but then snowballs to enormous sizes. He gains everything in this bargain, a best (dead) friend, a caring mother, a father, a girlfriend even - and then everything falls apart since it all is built on one fat lie. He makes a lot of mistakes and then some more but you get it and you feel for him, and you cry with him and you're happy for him. And when all of this is over you're glad that he's still there trying his best, taking it one day at a time. And sidenote: Ben Platt's voice is angelic and I love him as Evan 💖💖💖

8) Isak (SKAM)

Another gay panicking one. I'm starting to realize there's a set of traits that I particularly like in fictional characters lol But ye, when I was watching skam ofc it was the third season which gripped me the most and kept me on the edge, bc yet again Isak taking an "are you gay" test was way too real for me. He makes a lot of mistakes along the way of figuring out his sexuality and sometimes stuff with Evan becomes really messy (for both of them) but he stays with him nevertheless ❤️ Skam is literally so good in its portrayal of the characters :') Anyways: alt er love 💖

9) Viktor & Yuuri (Yuri on Ice)

Em, another one that I absolutely can't break up to just one bc how could I? Yuri on ice got me into skating ❤️ I went to an ice rink for the first time bc of this anime and I almost died but now look at me actually finishing my first three months of ice skating training and watching real life figure skating competitions :') Little did I know then. But they're not only my favourites bc of that, I genuinely love the development of their relationship from fan - idol through skater - couch to lovers and history makers in the end. I love how Yuuri is a ball of insecurities and how Viktor manages to reassure him. I love how Viktor fell in love with drunk Yuuri clinging to him. I love how at first Yuuri wasn't able to get too close to Viktor without getting flustered and it changes so drastically to them basically always holding onto each other. I love how Viktor was stuck with no inspiration but then Yuuri came and turned his world upside down. I love how they support and respect each other. I could probably go on into eternity like that and Yuri on ice isn't even the best anime I've ever seen but it's certainly my favourite one ❤️

10) Tutor (WHY R U)

I can't believe I'm so obsessed with thai dramas rn and I'm only gonna include Tor on this list smh He's mental attitude inspires me. He's able to hold so much and appears totally unfazed even if he's barely holding on inside. He's hardworking and doesn't want others to pity him since he can manage it all just fine. He has a kind heart, he's a wonderful friend (especially to Hwa, he always listens to her, gives her pieces of advise, supports her and tries to cheer her up). He never forgets to say thank you when he genuinely feels grateful. But as we've seen he also is passionate and when he loves he LOVES. Also he's the biggest tease to Fighter and I love him for that :') I am so satisfied just by seeing him happy, please do not change that whyru gods 🙏

As it appears I'm done .-. I have no idea what have just happened and if my rambling even makes sense but not that I care at this point. If you read this far, please drink some water now, that was a lot of reading to go through ❤️

Tagging: @wir-ro, @saecookie and any other 8 people who might want to ksks (im too tired to tag lmao)

Don't be like me and go to bed at reasonable hours despite this whole quarantine thing .-. thank again Doreen for tagging since it was really fun 🥺❤️

[1-800-seo]

domestic dad!kook

hi everyone I thought I’d post my crap here so here is my domestic dad!kook Drabble list thing?

involves: pregnancy, established relationship/marriage, kissing, hickies?, general tomfoolery, nothing major, dad!jungkook,

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* those damned blue lines

* you thought you wouldn’t see them so soon

* after all you had only been married eighteen months

* old relatives have been asking since day 1 when they’re gonna he seeing some lil jeons running around smh aunty karen

* you wondered how he would react

* he’d never shown any adverse reaction to children before but he was practically still a child himself

* the spiderman onesie you washed yesterday attests to that

* you decided to tell him at dinner

* he’d just had his first bite of tagliatelle when you accidentally blurted it out

* “IM PREGNANT”

* “what?” he replied snapping his head up with wide doe eyes

* “I-I found out this morning...I’m definitely pregnant. I know it’s soon, but we can make this work.”

* “What’re you on about? This is amazing baby, I finally get to be a dad!”

* “So you want this?”

* “Definitely, I’ve always imagined a family with you, it was just a matter of time. I’m so happy though baby, over the moon.”

* The smile on his face was beaming and the twinkle in his eye sparkled, he looked the epitome of happiness

* “I’m glad you want this then, it’ll be a wild ride but I’m glad it’s with you.”

* you reach out and squeeze his hand, as a fat tear of joy rolls down your cheek

* “I’m glad too, I know we’re young but it feels so right, so right with you.”

* he looks down, a tear dripping onto the table

* he wipes a few more and giggles

* “Tbh im surprised this didn’t happen earlier considering we go at it like rabbits”

* “KOOK” you cant help but laugh

* He is right lol

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One month 🍼

* “Where is my wife and my spawn~~~~~~”

* Jeongguk loudly sang as he burst thru the front door, arriving home from work

* “Wym spawn???“ You say as he pulls you into a bear hug and flops both of you on the couch

* “You know,, spawn, this baby, it’s my spawn hence why I’m calling it spawn like the superhero,, duh”

* he drops his hands down to your stomach and rest them their, flat palmed

* bowing his head so he is closer he says

* “I can’t wait to meet you Spawnie”

* Immediately you burst into a fit of laughter at the outrageous name

* “we CANNOT nickname our baby SPAWN, JEONGGUK”

* “Why not I think it’s well cool”

* he calmly replies proud smirk on his face

* “Is Spawn even a good guy?”

* “ummm”

* “wym ummm??”

* “well he’s kind of ambiguous in the comics”

* “OH GREAT WE HAVE A BABY NAMED SPAWN THAT IS OF AMBIGUOUS MORALITY”

* at that comment you both fell about laughing, your sides beginning to hurt at it all

* and that was how your unborn baby was nicknamed Spawn

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Three Months 🍼

* “I can’t push the trolley, I’m pregnant”

* you said matter of factly

* “oh you’re just being lazy,, I mean I’m not saying I won’t push the trolley, but you’re really pushing the boat out, baby”

* “hehehe my plan worked, you fool, you may have suspected me, however you still fell right into my trap muhahahaha”

* you dramatically laugh and put your hands on your hips like a comical villain

* so anyways you skrt skrt around the shop

* and right next to the book section is you know what

* the BABY SECTION

* so far you actually haven’t looked their yet because you don’t know the gender

* but curiosity brings you snooping in the aisles

* Jeongguk returns from the bakery section, carrying croissants and hair swept into a messy top knot

* you stare at the many many many racks of children’s clothes

* tiny baby booties

* hats that kook could only fit on his fist

* so so smol baby-grows

* “ngl I’m kinda overwhelmed”

* “how come?”

* he puts his hands round your waist and rests his head on your shoulders

* big soft comfy back hug

* “idk it’s a lot of responsibility, right? I can’t even begin to think about names never mind washing, clothing, feeding this tiny human being when it arrives”

* “baby, you have nothing to worry about, and I am positive you’re going to be the best most caring mother ever, and I have full trust in that.”

* He places a soft chaste kiss on the top of your head

* “thank you for always supporting me ggukie”

* “It’s my pleasure; we’re going to have the best baby ever, aren’t we Spawnie”

* You roll your eyes and kiss his cheek

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Four Months 🍼

* you were sat on the couch in your small apartment, small but sufficient

* Jungkook was painting the spare room and deconstructing old furniture you were selling on eBay

* You’re job was to arrange the business dealings and to look for new kid-appropriate furniture to reoccupy the spaces now blank

* It was fine by you

* saves you from getting up off the couch and getting all sweaty

* after a good few hours JK came out from the room, sweat on his brow and hungry

* hungry for something else tho 👀

* he stalks over to where you are sitting and kneels on the floor in front of your knees

* he rests his head on your lap, arms folded underneath it

* his eyes were dark, full of want

* “How’s it going baby? You tired?”

* “hmmm”

* he just stares back

* brows slightly furrowed

* soon enough he was peppering your face in warm kisses

* he flipped you over and sat you on his lap, hands resting on your waist

* his lips latched onto your neck and he sucked a flourish of purple and blue flowers under your jaw

* his lips were warm and supple on your skin

* it sent a shiver down your spine and goosebumps to your skin

* you found the hem of his black T-shirt and slid your hands under the fray

* you’re hands met the toned muscle of his stomach and the soft honey skin

* “looks like I can’t knock you up since someone already has, oh well, more fun for me”

* his hands fiddled with the fabric of your top

* you obliged and pulled it over your head

* you were met with his mouth hungrily crashing into yours as he searched for more and soon enough you were underneath him

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Six Months 🍼

* your belly was fairly noticeable by now and you couldn’t avoid the fact that you were pregnant

* people were starting to let you sit instead of them in public places

* you were getting more and more randos asking to touch your belly as well which wasn’t the greatest

* JK is always in protective dad mode™️ when this happens

* he’s ready to protect his babies

* one time when a sketchy looking old man asked to touch your belly JK immediately stood in between you and the guy

* he puffed out his chest and was hella macho

* Alpha Jungkook arises hehe

* ever since then he was more aware that people would be looking at you and more interested in you in general

* anyways

* he’s hella excited to be a dad

* his excitement is so pure and genuine it’s so sweet

* it’s like every day he gets more excited and you think by the full 9 months he’ll just be so excited he’ll be vibrating like a washing machine lol

* every night he kisses you and your baby good night

* “Night night baby jeon spawnie”

* without fail it makes you giggle

* his lil nose always brushes against your skin when he says it and it’s ticklish and comforting

* you can’t wait to meet your baby to see which of you they look like and in what ways

* will they have your double lidded eyes or his unique nose

* will they have his bunny teeth or your short stature

* either way they’ll be the most loved being in this world

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Seven Months 🍼

* it was time for the long awaited gender reveal

* you and him had decided that you would go alone to the appointment since he had work and then you would surprise Ggukie when he gets back

* you decided the way you would tell him was by dressing in either blue or pink

* you know you know,, not really breaking gender stereotypes, but it gets the idea over

* so that’s what you do

* you wear you’re best maternity day dress and do your makeup all güd

* it’s 5:30pm and he’s so excited to know

* he barges thru the door and basically and sprints to you

* he’s met with a baby blue clad wife, her hair adorned with a periwinkle ribbon

* immediately he knows and swoops you up into a bear hug

* “Jungkook? We’re going to have a little baby boy!”

* “I’m so happy! I feel like I’ve drank five red bulls,, we’re going to have a boy”

* When you pull away from the hug his cheeks have tears dripping down them and his eyes are wet

* “aww baby why’re you crying?”

* “because I’m just so happy, I can’t wait to see him, he’s going to be perfect, we’ll all be perfect”

* “you’re right kook, we’ll be perfect”

* “You don’t know how much I love you, you know?”

* that was when you started crying tears of happiness too

* youd remember this moment forever

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Eight Months 🍼

* “I think it’s time to think of some actual names”

* “yeahhh people at work keep thinking I’m actually calling the baby Spawnie and then I keep having to explain why it’s called Spawn and i don’t particularly like explaining that Spawn is a play on sperm and that’s my sperm”

* “What goes ON at your work”

* “you don’t even wanna know babygirl”

* “ummm so I was thinking, something familial, i don’t want a western name tho so that rules out my side,, unless you want to call him Barry”

* “uhh no thanks babes”

* “yeahh they’d sound like the flash lol”

* “I don’t want none of that DC propaganda in my household thanks”

* “tru tru”

* “so what about your side of family? Can you think of any family who have named you like?”

* “What about Junseok? My great uncle is called Junseok and I think that’s cool, also it kinda looks like a combination of Namjoon-hyung and Jin-hyung’s names.”

* “Wow they’d love that, that’s a good idea actually.”

* “Jeon Junseok, has a good ring to it”

* “I agree”

* “It’s settled then until further notice”

* “It seems it is Mr Jeon”

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First Week Home 🍼

* The moment Junseok was in his little sunset coloured crib you burst into tears of relief

* you’d obviously been stressing post birth about the intricacies and once you’d got him home and settled it was like a weight of your shoulders

* he was home

* he was safe

* and you were both over the moon

* he had the smallest nose and the biggest doe eyes

* his dark hair swept across his delicate skin on his forehead

* you just knew he’d be the spitting image of his dad

* each following day with Junseok was amazing

* he was good for you

* slept so well

* settled into routine easily

* it’s as if you never had to worry

* and Jungkook was a life saver

* he was such an attentive father and husband

* always caring for you and Junseok

* every morning he’d bring you up a cup of herbal tea and bowl of granola

* and go check on the baby and if he’s awake change and feed him

* his paternity leave was a blessing

* it meant you actually got a lie in instead of Junseok waking you up

* “I can do the baby this morning, it’s ok”

* you say sitting up in bed

* “no no I’ll do it I’m used to getting up at this time for work anyway”

* “but you’ve been doing it all this week I feel bad”

* “Baby, rest, I want to do this, you deserve a rest after carrying the baby for nine months, I’m sure I can take care of him for a few mornings”

* then he gave u a sweet kiss and left to see his baby boy

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Eighteen Months 🍼

* you pulled on Junseok’s tiny yellow wellies as Jungkook put on his coat

* “where are we going seokie?”

* “P-p-p” Junseok tried his best to get out the letters

* “Yayyy we’re going to the park”

* “Me and your mum are going to meet uncle Jimin too, and you know what that means? You’re going to get spoileddd”

* “V tru, but why does he always spoil him? I mean it’s not a problem he gets free things and stuff, but do you reckon he’s compensating for something?”

* “Yeah as nice as it is I think he might be compensating for not being around as often as he’d like to, solo career going strong as all, you know how he loves kids, in his head he probably thinks he’s an absent uncle but in reality he’s ever present just away for an odd weekend, which is normal”

* “yeah I get that”

* “But it’ll be nice to see him anyway, we can ask him about his new single”

* “Oh I’ve heard that it’s pretty good”

* Junseok pulled at the hem of your coat, indicating he wants to leave

* So off you went

* the day was filled with jumping in muddy puddles and Jimin nearly falling in said puddles

* Junseok got all dirty so you had to go find a bathroom to clean him up at

* hence why you ended up at an ice cream parlour in winter

* despite the cold weather you enjoyed the ice cream nonetheless

* JK teases Jimin a few times because apparently Jimin’s white blond hair was vanilla ice cream and his was chocolate

* Jimin insisted his was bingsu however JK refused

* Junseok had a great time fluffing up uncle Jimin’s hair after that

* and so the day drew to an end

* you headed home

* Seokie sleeping in the car all the way there

* you gently took him into the house and the pair of you collapsed on the couch and immediately fell asleep

* it was the cutest thing

* and when you woke up you saw your two boys asleep so soundly

* and you thought to yourself how content with your life you were

* how lucky you were

* how much you love those boys

* and you’d do anything for them

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The End hehehe :)

[thewheezingbubbledragon]

It has occurred to me that Tumblr can be a void with friends so my problems arent unheard, but they are out I my head

Hey howdy poodle, it's me, snickerdoodle.

What's good my fellows.

Compadres.

Amigos.

Frendos.

Frens.

Howdy.

I am very glad you exist.

Thank you for existing and caring for me.

I love you so much.

Bless you.

Thank you.

I am coming down from a 12 hour panic attack/mental shutdown/depressive episode where I was nonverbal for 8.5 hours, and when I finally started calming down I had to speak with people and stand up and walk and make food for 2 hours. So all in all. Not great.

But better.

Anywho, so There Is A Reason for my inactivity.

I mean, there are several, but theyre all highly personal and meh.

So my fam and I spent the last.. 2 months? Or more? Moving 1800 miles across the country. We have 99% of all our stuff in one (1) storage unit that is still at our old town. (We took 1 suitcase and several bags of our stuff. That is it. For months or maybe even a year. Clothes and stuff included.) I had to leave my desktop BUT I have a laptop.

I mean it's literally held together by tape and can't be unplugged and overheats faster than Satan's flambe kitchen in high summer, but it works and I can write so it's mostly good I guess?

And I have my (bad and outofservice) phone, AND ALSO AN AMAZING TABLET SOME FRIENDS COLLABORATED AND BOUGHT FOR ME AND I CAN DRAW ON IT AND I ALREADY HAVE SO MANY PICTURES I CANNOT WAIT TO POST THEM RKSLDNNFJSLSMJFKSLSKDBJDJSKSNDJPAMAJEK

But.

We... Kinda have been living in a hotel for... What, 9? Days? Bc my parents cant find a place to move to in the city we're in, and the fact I am basically Tiny Tim with art skills and a good leg doesnt help...

Anyways.

Tumblr is a silly fun way to escape reality but I dont have the energy or mental capacity or time to respond to people if they tag me (unless it's 1 sentence or less but that is still pushing it) or write or anything or even post.

I havent been sleeping well, (lol thanks asthma, allergies, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and altitude y'all are doin amazing) and I had to leave my entire irl friendgroup back home. A lot of them dont have Instagram or ways for me to contact them aside from texting.

We moved to my previous home when I was very small, but it took me almost 12 years to finally feel like I was home. And that was because of the people I met and cherished and loved. I finally had a support network.

And then I got the news we were moving 1800 miles away.

I have left the life i've spent 12 years rebuilding. Heyhey, depression when did you get here? 16 years ago? Dandy.

Long story short, i've been through all the stages of grief already but I'm still on shakey ground. (The anger stage was the fastest? Bc I dont get angry? Except at people who are genuinely bad or disrespectful towards their audience for no reason other than petty revenge or ego. I'm talking about Thomas Austruc, in case it wasnt obvious. Friggin Miraculous...) I accepted what happened, and have accepted it since about 2 weeks after I heard. I accept and adjust to things quickly and easily. Doesnt mean I like it, but I can and do adjust my mindset and lifestyle to the winds of life.

Kinda sucks at times tbh.

Bc my brain shoves the whole messy business of 'processing' side to acknowledge and move on.

Anyways, that's not the point.

Point is, I am mentally royally screwed atm. I am not medicated for any I my issues, (ADD, major depression, multiple severe anxiety issues, to name just a few of the 'nom-physical' issues) which means life is about a billion times harder to exist in. So in short: my online status will be steady but my posts? Only time will tell.

I would like to apologize for everyone who follows me @un-romancible-npc for my Chance Maribat MariDami/Daminette AU, I am working on it, but I'm also aware of my own issues right now. And I can get about... 500 words a week at the most? Because we're so busy and I'm studying for my driver's test (several years late sadly but when you can barely afford food every month it isnt as much of a concern. Dont worry, we're better off now but it's still a struggle.) and organizin everything at home, and looking after my 2 younger siblings and my big bro, who is currently practically bed-ridden and puking his guts out. Basically... I am very sorry but I cant work on it. I CAN get a snippet out once I finish the freaking 'Mari meets everyone in the lobby' scene. I havr almost 3k words for that and some stuff that follows but the friggin LOBBY SCENE I SWEAR TO PASTA--

Anyways.

Yeah.

That's why I've been gone...

HEY HOWDY HEY NOW IT'S TIME TO TAG EVERYONE I LOVE VERY MUCH AND CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH PROPERLY BC I'VE BEEN BUSY BUT I READ ALL YOUR POSTS AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH THANK YOU FOR TAGGIN ME IN ALL THE STUFF I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE ALL GORGEOUS / HANDSOME / STUNNING AND I LOVE YOU

@rogueinkglitch

@im-here-for-the-content

@kceedraws

@da-tasuky

@lady-charinette

@hetalia-lover-is-here

IF I'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR BLOG NAME I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE KNOW I STILL LOVE YOU I JUST CANNOT REMEMBER NAMES

I WOULD FORGET MY OWN NAME IF PEOPLE DIDNT CALL ME BY IT ALL THE TIME

[mydearsaddiary]

Little curiosity notes: Hey guys! We’re on chapter 9 now! If everything goes according to plan the story will end in the next chapter! I might do an additional short epilogue after, but the plan is only to continue until chapter 10! Thank you so much for reading until here and as always: Feel free to reach out!

Thank you!

Candy (08/20/2020)

Neil Chapter 9 part 1- First, do no harm

1933

-Cliff- I said as I walked from the back room of the diner I helped to manage now- you’re running low on soda, you know!

-Geez- He said, finishing up cleaning a table and running towards me- I’m awful with this inventory stuff ya know, MC. Mind seeing everything we’re missing?

I smiled, gently hitting him on the head with the papers I was holding- Glad to help.

-Neil coming in today? Just got his new bourbon stash this morning!

-Im sure he’ll pop by later when the nanny is home. How’s everything going with you?

-It’s fine, me and Jane just moved in together- He crossed his arms , blushing a little and giving me that big smile of his.

-So you finally settled down. Next thing you know you’ll have little Conways running around the place

-Maybe in a few years- He turned around when somebody called his name- Alright, duty calls. Have fun in there!

-I always have- I waved at him and returned the back room to count our stock, manage prices, and do basically everything I did at the Ice Box. I enjoyed doing the same job alongside the same people without having the risk. Our past evolved into a better future than most of what the other mob bosses had.

Suddenly, I heard the lock click. My initial shock soon turned into dark memories I wanted to forget. Impulsively I tried open the door only to find out I was actually locked in

-Hey...! Hey!- I knocked on the door- Hey, let me out! Somebody locked me in- I wasn’t scared of enclosed places. It was the sound of the lock clicking and the inability to open it from the inside that haunted me.

I hated being locked in.

-MC- The door opened after a few knocks. Vince was there- Sorry, just came in and thought somebody left it open

-It’s alright-My cheeks were colored red, but besides that I kept my posture- I’ll just do the inventory outside

1926

I opened my eyes, waking up from my sleep. I could feel no sign of light besides the faint, artificial one. I sighed heavily realizing nothing had changed. In my new found experience, not being in the sun for three weeks messes with you head. It makes you tired and empty. A crippling force tells you to accept your fate to remain there.

I sat up, only to find Vera already awake on the mattress besides mine- Did you check the day today?- I asked

-Yeah. The holidays are approaching fast. How are you?

I rubbed my stomach which now had started to show more. Vera had asked the mayor, in one of the times he came in, for new clothes. She had some in the bedroom they used to share. It was refreshing to say the least and her clothes, that were slightly bigger on me, helped me hide my condition from him. It was a light and loose salmon colored shirt that went down until my hip, and a beige skirt that went to my calf, along with white stockings. It was nothing I’d normally wear, but I wasn’t in the position to be picky.

-I feel fine- I said- I don’t feel too sick anymore. I haven’t gotten any movements yet

-How far along are you?

-Hm... I went to the doctor last month... Must be around 13 or 14 weeks.

-It’s still early. Mine didn’t move until about 17 weeks

I looked at her, genuinely surprised- You have kids?

-Oh yes, Frank and I have our children. They’re all grown and moved on to different parts of the country. My oldest one is a little older than you.

-What’s her name?

-His, actually. His name is Robert. He’s 21 now, he got a job out west and comes back to visit when he can.

-Who are the others?

-Oh, May is 18. She’s with her aunt in Florida. I sent her when things got too complicated here. She wouldn’t listen to us.

I chuckled- I know how she feels.

-Then there’s Matt. He’s 16.

-What’s going on with Matt?

-He’s in New York as an apprentice to his grandfather. My ex-husband’s dad. He wants to teach him how to run the business he owns

-Seems like they’ve got it all figured out

-Yes. Well, I know the feeling of having your first kid. I was but a bit older than you are right now. Although- She pointed to her surroundings- I had a more adequate stay

I laughed, but there was no humor in my voice- Adler’s gonna bring our city down under his total power if we don’t do something

-You don’t think your men are trying to save you or figure it out?

-Trying is the key word. Vince...-I sighed, with a heavy heart- Well, Adler shot him... He must be dead right now. That means Cliff and Uncle Charlie must be a mess. On top of it, for my uncle, there’s the fact that I disappeared. That also messes with Neil who, I can’t even imagine what he must be feeling but it’s nothing good. Then Donovan isn’t close enough with them to put everybody’s head together. Julius, Cleo, Sofia and Andrew... Im sure they’re trying to help but...- I sighed- I’m the head of the Ice Box. Im the queen on the chess board. They need me- I said as I realized it myself- I can’t spend any more time waiting for something to happen or counting days.

-You already tried everything, remember?

-Not everything- I got up, exercising my need to move my legs- You know Adler’s schedule better than anyone. When is he out for a long time?

-He’s always at the office from noon to six on weekdays.

-Then thats our time to escape. We’ll wait an hour just to be sure, then leave.

-Yes, but you’re leaving out the important part— How are we gonna leave?

-Last night, before I went to bed, I was looking around your things to see if I could find something useful

-You went through my stuff?!-She said visibly irritated

-If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have found this- I opened my hand to show her the few bobby pins I had in my possession

-How is pinning your hair up helping us?

-Oh Vera, dig a little deeper. It’s for opening the door. I can pick it!

-With those? I think you might be a little too optimistic

-Thankfully- I said cheering up- I had plenty of training sneaking back in my house, and hiding from Momma and Poppa. I have yet to meet a lock that could stop me.

She looked at me for a few seconds and sighed- Alright, I’ll bite. One in the afternoon then.

-Thats right!-I hid it once I heard the door open. They were bringing breakfast down.

____

We heard Adler leave. We heard everything until there was nothing else to hear. The anticipation was so overwhelming that when Vera’s little clock hit twelve-thirty, we were on out way up the stairs.

I got two bobby pins and started to work on unlocking the door. In a few minutes, it clicked and it opened right up to the now dark living room

-You know- She whispered- For the three weeks you were here, you could’ve tried that sooner.

-I didn’t know you had these!- I whispered too, but in an angrier tone- And you’re welcome!

I pushed the door out slowly, as if someone would head. The dark immensity of the house spread before my eyes. Without a single soul there it seemed peaceful, but in a way that unsettled you, like something was waiting to jump out from the dark. The negativity soon disappeared as I got lost in my thoughts for a second and walked over to the big window, letting the sun hit my face. The warmth of the natural light, warmed up my heart along with it. The joy of finally breaking free made me forget for an instant I had to walk out the front door.

-Miss Granger, let’s go!-Vera hurried me up

-Yeah, right- I walked up to the front of the house. By the door there was a table. I noticed keys on top of it- This is for his Ford, isn’t it?- I grabbed them-Nifty! We just got out escape vehicle

-I can’t drive- She looked at me uncertain

-Well, I’ve been learning- I replied opening the door- Now, let’s scram

___

I had to go through two Fords to find the one the keys belonged too, within myself we could taste the flavor of freedom.

Opening the door, I made my way in. It was then everything was ruined by a single shot that went right through the window on my side. When I looked back, Adler stood a few yards away with a gun aimed in my direction, along with his two goons.

-Go, Vera! Inside!-I yelled at the top of my lungs closing my door and turning on the car. I stepped on the gas and went as fast as the car would allow me to.

Soon, down the streets of Chicago we went. The bright sun and the streets filled with people would normally be cause for celebration, but my currently situation prevented me from enjoying it. I heard more shots coming our way and noticed that Adler was following us in his own car

To make everything better, Vera was freaking out in the passenger seat

-Woaaaaaaaaah, be careeeful! Waaaait, you’re going tooooo faaaaast!

-Vera!- I yelled back, driving and swerving as much as my experience would allow- If I don’t drive fast he’s gonna catch up to us—Ah!- I yelped when another shot came right in between us, making a hole in the windshield

-You’re gonna kills uuuus!-Her voice got louder and more annoying- I’m not ready to die!- She continued, letting out her “Oh!”s And “Oh my god!”s And her loud screams that were worse than the shots for me. At this point, I tried my best to ignore them since our lives depended on it

She yelled even louder when his car bumped into our rear and sent our bodies forward. I heard continuous shots that shattered our windows and I couldn’t go any faster. I had to think of something quickly, but all the stimulation from the outside made the task harder.

That’s when I saw it and hope ushered back into me. The little red convertible from the corner of my eyes, driving right ahead of us. Vince drove with ease on the wheel, while, surprisingly, our most experienced shooter, Donovan, fired back in the mayor’s direction from the passenger seat.

Seeing them, I let out a relieved little laugh. Fear was substituted with the urge to go faster, so I gained some distance on them. On the other side the trusty green Studebaker had Cliff, Uncle Charlie and Julius in it. Cliff drove, Uncle tried to steal glances my way, and Julius had a pistol, and helped Donovan by firing back. Sometimes Vince would keep one hand on the wheel and use pearl to fire as well. What I thought was going to be hell quickly turned into an exhilarating thrill.

And then, time slowed down as a third car showed up. The darker colored vehicle that belong not just to any man, but to the man I had longed to see all this time— Neil Dresner. I recognized the car but I couldn’t see him since he drove ahead of me. It might seem silly, but the importance of that moment couldn’t be just understood, it had to be felt. The whole world brightened up again just to know he was near. I knew then I wasn’t alone, and I never would be again.

And then everything came back to me in a second, when Vera’s shouting became deafening and another shot came right by us

-We’re going to die! Jesus!- She kept having her panic attacks

-MC!-I heard a voice from Vince in his car- To the docks! Go to the docks!

I nodded, better now that I had a direction in mind,so I sped up towards my new destination.

The city passed by us in a blur, I didn’t allow myself to focus on anything else but getting there. I’m sure everyone else had a plan and in my mind I started formulating the beginning of my own.

I turned into the road that led to the docks and swerving the car faster than it could handle, I stopped abruptly, hitting a few of the many giant boxes piled around, ready to be transported. The side of the car caved in, but we came out unscathed in the front

-What are you thinking?! We could have died! We could hav-

-Vera!- I yelled, looking at her, panting. The adrenaline hadn’t left my body and I knew it wouldn’t for a long time- you’re a chatter-mag bitch- I said in an unusual calm tone, still trying to catch my breath

-Excuse me?-She gave me that look she usually did when she disapproved of something

I was going to reply, but then I heard a car and shots again- Go Vera! Out of the car!- I pushed her out her way and pulled her to hide behind the boxes laid out nearby.

I heard more tires and assumed my gang had arrived to rescue us. I smiled realizing I was right when I saw Vince throwing me my trusty revolver- Let’s take car of em, boss.

-Don’t call me that- I grabbed it, feeling an immense power I hadn’t felt in a long time. I pointed it to my target, my enemies, those who sided with Adler...

...And fired.

Part 2: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/post/627009903803990016/speakeasy-tonight-fanfic-neil-season-3-chapter-10

[marveling-chrisevans]

What If - Walk of shame

What If - Walk of Shame 

Chris Evans x OFC

Chapter six - 1932 words

Part One | Part Two | Part three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six 

Warnings: uh swearing maybe? 

Summary: What if. What if you out of the blue and on an impulse applied for a contest, and what if you won that. What if you met someone who didn’t know you existed, and what if you asked them for a drink after.  What if this impulse changed your entire life.  ** note I didn’t win so I don’t know how all this would go down but this would be how I would have loved it to happen.. the first chapter completely happened.. the texts might not be the same. But it happened**  

 Tag List: @smoothdogsgirl​ @torntaltos​ @patzammit​ – If you wanna be tagged just make a comment below and I am happy to do that or just DM me, whichever

This story is fully caught up and posted on AO3 and Wat pad. I am going to be combining chapters to catch Tumblr up. but if you would like to read everything right now then go ahead. Also please 

https://www.wattpad.com/story/184900452-what-if

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18506152/chapters/43856086

Faith woke up in a daze, she was laying on her side as she slowly opened her eyes to the sun streaming into the room. She saw the view of Hollywood from the hills, She was confused at where she was. The last thing that she remembers was that she was in a car on the way back to the hotel, then everything went kinda blurry. She looked around the room, and smelled food. She was extremely hung over and wanted some food.

She got up and wrapped the sheet around herself cause she didn’t have any clothes, and couldn’t find her dress, that she wore last night. She got up, walked toward the door that was closed and then walked out into the open lay out of the room. You could see the living room to the kitchen, seeing Chris was standing behind the island of the kitchen talking to what looked like his sister and his mother. She quickly backtracked into the room.

She didn’t escape unseen. Dodger jumped up and barked slightly as soon as she disappeared behind the door. She pushed it closed but didn’t get it all the way there as dodger pushed it all the way open. Faith Grabbed her phone and escaped onto the on suite bathroom and found her way into the tub..

Faith looked at her for the first time in most likely 12 hours, and saw that she had like 9 missed calls and texts from rose, and one from her brother. She slide into the tub as dodger jumped up to join her in there and started licking her face which made her laugh “hi puppy, can you stop?” She wondered as she called rose..

Rose answered the phone “Well fuck thank god your not dead, where the hell are you! Ive been worried sick!”

Faith laughed slightly “currently in a bathtub, with a dog, dodger actually in Chris’s Bathroom.. uh naked.. we had sex last night. Apprently, I mean I remember most of the night but then it gets fuzzy..”

Rose gasped on the other end of the phone “how was it, I want to know everything don’t leave out a single thing, oh my god.. I knew it.. MY SHIP IS ALIVE”

Faith pulled the phone from her head “hungover” she angry whispered in the phone “and I don’t remember much of it. Like I said fuzzy, but I can tell you it was the best sex I’ve ever had.. Oh god I hope he used a condom” she said back into the phone

“i did” Chris replied with a smile on his face. Faith looked up to where the voice came from “it was really good for me too”

“i gotta go rose I uh, gotta go uh ill be back in a little bit” Faith said and hung up the phone sliding further into the bathtub to hid which made dodger thing that it was okay to start kiss attacking her again.

“Dodger out” Chris said as dodger then stopped and put his head on the side of the tub looking at the owner “Glad to see you are awake.. I put your clothes on the bed, I washed them this morning. Also there is some coffee in there, I have to go do something with the avengers. I also put my number in your phone. Take as much time as you need, shower do whatever my family just left to go to the beach so you are the only one here” he replied to her

“and where is here so I can uh summon an taxi” She asked looking up at him trying not to make this all awkward more than it already was. Because its be honest it was really awkward for her “also just so you know I didn’t mean for this to happen.. I got way to drunk and I don’t do this, and oh my god did I say, ‘im feeling it now mr. Krabs?” She wondered looking at him

He nodded and laughed slightly “you did and Faith its alright, you are an amazing girl, and like I said last night id love to get to know you more.” He said “i gotta go but can I see you before you leave tomorrow?”

Faith answered her phone as it rang “yes this is Faith Young, Wait what? Are you serious yeah I can be there for an interview tomorrow morning” She smiled “yeah also that would be cool have always wanted to attend one, yeah two tickets. Thanks” she said back to the person and then looked at him and bite her lip as she pulled herself out of the tub making sure the towel was wrapped around herself “uh I guess not, I have an interview tomorrow, for my dream job non the less. So uh maybe? If its later today” you replied “but maybe not? I don’t know” She smiled “maybe we will just have to leave at it as what it is. A winners trip to Meet Chris Evans at the Premier of EndGame” Faith said back to him as he nodded

“I hope that isn’t the case, I have a feeling we will run into each other again” Chris replied as he walked over to her and kissed her one last time before he left the house

Faith closed her eyes when Chris kissed her and wished It would have lasted a little longer. The linger feeling of his pillow soft lips against hers. She stood there a while longer with her eyes closed wishing he never left. She heard the door close and dodger come back in and looked at her.

Faith got up from hiding in the tub, and went out and found her dress. Like he said it was laying on the bed. She wasn’t about wearing that home for the walk of shame. She went and showered in his shower, then raided his dresser and found a basic t shirt and just some smaller looking sized sweatpants.

She then called herself an Lyft. Headed back to the hotel she couldn’t believe that she just slept with her celebrity crush. The one guy who would have been on her exception list when she got married. She took a deep breath as she waited on the street for her ride. She had managed to get out of the house without running into his family. She thanked whoever was listening for that.

On the drive back to the hotel she made basic small talk talk with the driver. Once getting to the hotel she thanked the man and Gave him a cash tip as she had some from the night before, knowing that these drives prefer that over the tip in the app so they can use it right way.

Riding the elevator and going into the room felt so basic compared to her last 12 hours. She came in the room and flopped down on the bed next to Rose.

Rose sat up from where she was on her phone in her bed and looked at Faith “So are you going to spill the tea or are you just going to walk of shame?” She wondered looking at her friend “also are you in Chris’s clothes, because we could get serious money off of those

“Rose I swear if you keep yelling or talking loud or whatever I am going to punch you in the face. Also its not a walk of shame if you're not ashamed it happened?” She questioned back before she kept talking “Also we are not going home tonight, You know that job I told you applied for about a month ago for my jobs tv program, to be a project manager, well apparently I got accepted and They want me to go there for the keynote program tomorrow to show me off or something, give a presentation. I am not sure as I stopped listening when I heard I got the job.” she said back to her with putting her face into the bed sighing heavily ignoring the last comment about eBay comment.

“it can still be a walk of shame..” Rose countered back

Faith got up and walked over to her suitcase shaking her head, “remind me when we finally get home to look at my Lyft pick up history to send these back” She said to rose knowing she wouldn’t remember because she was going go from one project to another and just throw everything in the laundry

Rose smirked “ not gonna do that, but before we hop on another plane I do wanna go to this event at the Chinese theater I heard about, also the walk of fame is over there.” Rose replied knowing what she was asking and what was going on. Faith listened to her talk as she flung on some leggings and a flowing crop top that just showed a little of the top of her midriff. Running a brush through her hair. “okay fine let me take something for this headache and along s we stop at a coffee place I don’t care” Faith replied fixing her make up touching it up and throwing on a pair of sunglasses grabbing her bag “lets go”

The two walked out of the hotel stopping at the first coffee shop for Faith, then finished there walk to the walk of fame. Looking at the stars, stopping for the ones they loved posing and stopping at a few stars as they go. They were across the street from the Chinese theater as faith looked at it confused “what did you say was going on here?” Staring at the arch with the original six in it “Rose if this is an avengers event I don’t wanna be here, I embarrassed myself and then slept with one of the stars.. uh no”

The announcer started to announce the actors as they came out one by one and the producers. Faith of course started to try and hide behind the Camera people and taking a few steps back to be more blended into the crowd

Rose smirked “oh its not like he is going to see you standing in the crowd” she replied back as She went back to cheering as they came out. Faith kinda just tired to blend in and not bring attention to herself. Making sure her sunglasses were firmly in place. Faith hid the best she could till he looked out in the crowd. Even tho the both of them were wearing sunglasses, your eyes connected. You quickly turned your head to look at something else. She could feel his eyes linger at her.

Chris lingered his eye on her, it was the same girl he was with last night. He knew that hair and those lips anywhere. He felt it in his soul. Someone said his name which caught his attempting which made him loose her in the crowd. That could have been because she quickly went and hid behind the building.

Faith took a deep breath as it felt like her heart was in her throat she didn’t know what to do. She went and sat down on the bench that was near by and texted rose her location, and waited for her to come to her. After the ceremony, Rose Found faith and they did the rest of the things tourists do when they are in LA, before going back to the hotel getting their stuff and flying on the plane to the next location in California, this time for Faiths job.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Through His Eyes - Part 10

Summary: Losing your sight after your accident was traumatic, and Jaebum’s guilt of knowing it should have been him instead creates an intricate bond between you both, as you overcome adversity and try to find your way in life again.

Genre: angst / romance

Characters: Im Jaebum x female reader

A/N: This story is emotional and raw compared to some of the content on my blog. It is in no way an attempt to glamourise or undervalue the lives of those who suffer from something similar. This story is purely fictional.

Through His Eyes will be posted every Tuesday at 10am NZST.

Index: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 [M] | 13 - FINAL

“Yes, Y/N, that’s beautiful!”

You grinned in the direction of the praise, placing down your paintbrush on the easel. “Do you think it’s done?”

“Why are you asking me?” Madam Cho wondered, placing a gentle hand over your shoulder. You could feel her necklace dangle down over you as she leant closer. “It’s your painting, not mine.”

You processed her words, a smile spreading slowly over your lips before you nodded. Picking up the brush again, you felt towards the palette again, deciphering where the yellow was and decided to brighten your canvas up with more of this colour. Your mentor chuckled and left you to it until this time you felt done.

“Can I hang it on the entry wall?” Madam Cho asked and you nodded happily, stopping her from taking the artwork from you.

You sensed her confusion and grinned. “I haven’t signed it yet.”

“Of course, all artwork deserves a signature,” she agreed, handing you the stamp you had recently created. Pressing it firmly to the bottom right-hand corner, you held the canvas out in front of you.

Your heart hadn’t felt this full in months.

At first, when Jaebum had dragged you here, it was as if he was rubbing salt into the wound. Sure, you both knew you still wanted to be an artist. Back then you hadn’t fathomed being able to do anything you were accomplishing now. You had feared the unknown. If you couldn’t see your artwork anymore, how could you create it?

“The colours will muddle together!” you cried outlandishly after humouring both Jaebum and Madam Cho that night. You threw down the paintbrush you had been hesitantly brushing and swirling onto the canvas in frustration.

In trepidation.

“Colours are meant to mix together, Y/N, don’t you think? I want to see your colour. What is the shade in your soul?”

You wanted to despise the woman, just as much as you were angry with Jaebum in that moment. But her words had a way of seeping below your barriers, questioning your very beliefs. You stilled, wondering what colour represented you. Was it grey? That certainly was the only definite shade you could decipher with these eyes now. Everything was grey, and everything was indistinguishable.

You felt Jaebum place the paintbrush back in your hand, and you stopped him from telling you what colour you were using from that moment on. It didn’t matter what colour it was, it would still create something. It would still be something.

Your subsequent visit to the studio was brighter. Over the next following sessions, you found your world wasn’t grey anymore. It was colourful, warm, full of brightness. You still needed some assistance getting there, but once you were in front of your easel, nothing came between you and your painting. Sometimes you would only use one colour. Others, you chose to have your specially made palette filled with various shades that you could decipher with the raised Braille indents telling you which colour it was.

And soon you started to have a louder voice in the studio.

“What are you doing?” a fellow art student asked as he watched you etch into the canvas. “You’re making random blobs in the corner here. What does it say?”

You smiled proudly, blinking back the emotions that rose with his question. “My name.”

From there, you designed a stamp so that you could always sign your work off. Also, you had taken to writing the composition of each piece you created in Braille along the canvas edge manually. You knew now with this system in place, you would never have to guess what piece of your art you held in your hands.

“Will you tell me your thoughts on the canvas once it’s fully dry, Madam Cho?”

“I will give you a great review once the colours settle, how does that sound? Though looking at it now, I know I want it as the focal point of the entryway.”

“I wouldn’t settle for anything less,” you told her with a laugh, sliding off your chair and counting the steps around the studio to the wash sink in the corner. You liked that you now knew your way around two places in this world intimately.

“Y/N, shall I give you a ride home?”

You glanced over your shoulder, nodding politely. And then you had a better idea. “Actually, could you drop me off elsewhere?”

You couldn’t help feeling eager as you sat in Madam Cho’s car on the way to JYP Entertainment. She discussed many topics with ease with you and whilst you responded to them all, your mind was elsewhere. Your hands gripped the edges of the packaged artwork over your lap in anticipation.

“He’s going to love it,” Madam Cho said softly and you turned towards her, your face breaking out into a blush. She giggled and reached to touch your hand affectionately. “He’s lucky to have you in his world, you know that right?”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head. “It’s me who is lucky. Even with the situation for how it is, I’d still be living in a dark room without Jaebum opening the door for me again. He saved me.”

“Well, I think you saved each other. Your connection is one of a kind,” the older woman stated, making your stomach flip with her words.

You didn’t know when it had begun, but the more people who directly associated with you now mentioned Jaebum, you always felt giddy and breathless. They spoke of you and him in one sentence and you liked that more than you wanted to admit. It made you want to see him more often and tell him all about how people think of him at your side. Of how you liked being at his side.

You wanted him to know the feelings you now harboured.

Still, you were aware that Jaebum was too busy for such a confession. With promotions in full force, he was unavailable more often. You tried to understand, after all, your own world had taken a new route with painting in the studio most days. University had been a pipe dream for someone who wanted to get her hands dirty. On campus, you needed structure and were given a distinct placement with a disability. In Madam Cho’s studio, you were free to do and be who you wanted to.

The car came to a halt and you smiled graciously at the woman. “Thank you for dropping me off here.”

“Are you sure it’ll be fine? Have you heard from him on the way here? Do you want me to wait in case Jaebum is too busy?”

“No, he told me he was going to be in the studio tonight earlier in the day. He basically lives there once he enters it,” you explained with a laugh and opened the door to the car, extending out your guide stick. “I’ll make sure to text you to know that I’m with him to ease your mind.”

“Please do,” she agreed, reaching out for a final hold of your hand. “Y/N, think about that offer for the internship too. I really think we’ll be able to get funding towards your work if we come up with a solid business plan. I’m happy to keep you all to myself and have your help with the classes, but you’re something special.”

“I will,” you assured, waving in farewell.

Once you had the canvas securely under your arm, and you were up on the footpath, you slowly made your way to the entrance of the building, reaching into your pocket for the pass you had been granted by the CEO himself. You hadn’t used it before, but when it worked to get you escorted to GOT7’s part of the building, you felt successful. In this crazy world, you were discovering you weren’t so limited anymore.

“Y/N?” a voice greeted cautiously and you beamed in recognition. Jinyoung was soon at your side. “What are you doing here? How did you get in? Are you by yourself?!”

“Don’t sound so shocked, I’m fine. I’m sorry if I came at a bad time, could you take me to Jaebum? I have something to give him.”

“I’m right here,” he mentioned, though you frowned at the tone he used. Embarrassment licked at your cheeks, colouring them pink as you struggled to understand why you hadn’t used your senses to find him within the room. The feeling was fleeting; you were still triumphant from getting here all by yourself.

Until you felt his hand wrap around your wrist.

Until you shivered with the cold that seemed to emanate from Jaebum as he dragged you into his personal studio.

Until he let you go.

You blinked rapidly, unsure of everything. “Did I interrupt something important?”

“How did you get here? Why are you here? It’s late at night, don’t you know how dangerous this is?!”

You flinched with the volume his voice had increased with, the growl in his tone scolding you, cornering you, weakening your resolve. Your head fell. “I didn’t realise you’d nag so much.”

“That’s exactly it, you didn’t realise anything!”

“Clearly I made a poor choice coming here tonight, I’ll excuse myself.”

“I’m not done with you yet,” he remarked, taking a step in front of you. You heard him rub at his face, and for a moment, you worried just how exhausted he was. Jaebum was always a hard worker and the energy radiating off him made you consider the stress he was under. You should have booked in an appointment with him instead of just turning up unannounced.

The mere thought of needing to do such a thing made you scoff and you finally lifted your head back up. “I was proud of myself, you know. I asked Madam Cho to bring me here so I could give you something and I made it in here all by myself. Isn’t it something to be happy about?”

“I’m glad you’re making steps for yourself but you can’t just expect all your steps to be big accomplishments either. What if something had gone wrong?! You can’t see anyone around you and they could’ve hurt you or you-”

“But I didn’t get hurt,” you reminded firmly, Jaebum cursing under his breath at your statement. “I’m not a baby; I can do things for myself!”

“I know you can, I’m not trying to coddle you, I’m just saying-”

“It doesn’t matter; you’ve made your point. I’ll never come here again without permission first.”

“Y/N, this is my place of work,” he attempted and you blinked slowly, thoughts consuming you. You chewed on the bottom of your lip, hoping the action would hold back your tongue and your tears. “You can’t just show up whenever. I’m busy and I helped you get into your artwork again so you wouldn’t need me so much. You’re doing well again.”

“Right, it’s time for me to stop being a problem in your world.”

“You know I don’t mean it like that!”

“It’s fine Jaebum, I heard you loud and clear. I’ll get on with my life, you get on with yours. After all, now that I have my art back, I’ll be back to normal, right?” You tried to hold back your tears, but they began to fall and he reached out for you. However, you shrugged him off, this time you wouldn’t cry in his arms. Right now, you felt selfish, as if you had only been thinking of how you were doing. You had forgotten Jaebum’s place in your life came from a situation where you once weren’t important to him. It hit you full force and you stumbled around in the dark, his light no longer shining directly on you, instead it flickered in and out inconsistently.

You had become too reliant and thus blinded in more ways than just losing your sight. You wanted to laugh bitterly at those juvenile feelings you had started to put weight into. Everyone was wrong; you and Jaebum didn’t go together like they had eluded to.

Someday soon, perhaps, you would become mere strangers again. This thought overwhelmed you, much like your emotions did.

Feeling around for something that felt safe, you then placed down the canvas that was still under your arm. A parting gift. You hadn’t thought that would be the case when you made it.

Especially when you had foolishly named the piece, Confession.

You almost thought about taking it back, to take the canvas away with you and hide it in the cupboard like your mother had done with all your previous artwork. Never to be displayed, to be announced for what it was. Yet, you couldn’t ignore all the months Jaebum had been the one person you had believed in the most. It was this reason alone that you lifted your hand away and attempted a watery smile in his direction. “I made this for you. That’s why I came. And now that I’ve delivered it, I’ll go.”

You ignored as he called after you, even shoving him off when he reached for you to pull you back. You prayed you were walking in the right direction, and when you heard the voices of the other members, you were relieved. It was such an odd experience, subsequently you felt like your heart was breaking and you breathed in a sigh of relief that you weren’t as incapable as you felt.

“Y/N?”

“I just need a hand to the elevator so I can leave, can someone help me with that?”

“Y/N, wait!” Jaebum called out, running into you with a shaky breath. You couldn’t focus on his emotions right now, you needed to escape them.

“I’ll do it,” Mark offered quietly and you nodded once, waiting for him to join your side. You could tell it pained him not to ask if you were okay, and to leave you with the staff member at the front desk.

But not as much as it did for you to walk out of that building, knowing you wouldn’t come back.

_________________

[Part 11]

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