#like and why am I then the one getting all the shit

[secretlyazombi3]

let's get in the back of your cop car, officer .ᐟ₊˚⊹♡

 leon kennedy x afab! reader

๋࣭ ⭑⚝word count:  2.2k ๋࣭ ⭑⚝ NSFW, 2nd person, some fluff obvi ^_^, established relationship, re2r leon, subby leon kinda, unprotected (pls don't do that), riding, oral (m receiving)

๋࣭ ⭑⚝ summary: You stop by to visit your boyfriend in his cop car during one of his nightshift patrols :3

๋࣭ ⭑⚝ a/n: uhhh i normally dont write stuff like this bc its not my thing, but oh my god my period has me FERAL man its not funny 😭😭 not proof read im too lazy ! also how do ppl write this without giggling lmao

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.” Leon said as he rolled the window down as you patiently stood outside his police car. 

“You’re so jumpy.” you replied as Leon glanced around the parking lot anxiously. You knew Leon’s habits, you knew he always stopped at this gas station near your apartment before a night shift. “It’s midnight, forgive me for not expecting someone to knock on my car window.” Leon mumbled as he looked back at you. 

You wrapped your hand around the door handle and pulled it open, not caring to ask for an invitation into Leon’s car. He was your boyfriend after all, so why bother asking. “Hey, you can’t just-” Leon stuttered as you entered his car and sat down in the passenger’s seat suddenly. 

Leon glanced around the parking lot again. “You-you can’t just jump in my car like that, I’m at work, I’m on duty… It’s unprofessional.” Leon stuttered out. 

You looked out the car window and analyzed the gas station parking lot - it was empty, obviously, there was clearly not much demand to get gas at such late hours. 

“Nobody saw me get in, you’re fine.” You told Leon as you turned your head back to gaze at him. 

“I’m still on duty! I can’t let just anyone come in my car, I.. I need to focus on patrolling.” Leon protested. “Well, I’m not ‘just anyone’, am I?” you replied, batting your eyes at Leon and giving him big puppy eyes you knew he couldn’t resist.

Leon didn’t reply, simply staring at you, hesitating before beginning to drive the car out of the parking lot.

“You’re so stubborn,” Leon mumbled as he drove away from the gas station. “You’re going to get me in trouble.” 

“Only if we get caught. We just won’t get caught.” you replied as you looked out the window. 

Leon mumbled something incoherently, he furrowed his eyebrows as he continued to drive down a nearby highway, still pretending to be upset at you for forcefully joining him for a ride. 

“I just wanted to bring you some company, must be lonely driving all alone at night for hours.” you said quietly before you placed your hand on Leon’s thigh. Leon stopped mumbling and his expression reluctantly softened. He loved physical affection. 

Truthfully, he did get lonely on his shifts. It was painfully boring to just drive around the highway, park on the side of the road and keep an eye out for anything suspicious or any speeding. He didn’t mind you being here with him, he truly needed the company or else he’d go insane one of these nights. 

Leon pulled over onto the side of the road and parked where he normally parked when he patrolled this highway specifically. It was dark out and a pretty lifeless side of town, there were barely any cars driving down the road. The streetlight Leon parked under was old and the light flickered every so often.

“You just do this all night? Sit in your car all alone?” You asked Leon, sounding a bit shocked. 

Leon shyly nodded and shrugged. “I mean, yeah…”.

“I should really come visit you more often, then. You must be so bored.” you replied. 

“I-I can’t just hang out with you on my job.” “It’s not like you’re doing anything urgent. You just sit here all night. Nobody will know.” Your hand went up Leon’s thigh. “I can make your night more interesting, you know…” “Stop..!” Leon said, a twinge of whininess in his voice, clearly embarrassed. “That’s so unprofessional.” Leon added, his face turning a bit redder than normal as he desperately prayed you didn’t notice the twitching in his pants. 

“You’re such a rule follower.” You replied as you finally pulled your hand off of Leon’s thigh. 

Your gaze shifted from Leon to out the windshield. “The sky’s so pretty tonight.” you said as you looked up at the moon. It was a full moon tonight, the moon was resting in the sky just above where Leon had parked his police car. 

“At least you get to look at the sky every night.” you spoke softly, glancing back over at Leon. Leon was gazing up at the stars for a few moments before turning his attention to you. 

“It’s not as pretty as you.” he said quietly. You smiled - it was cheesy, but it was cute. Leon’s pink blushing face made it better. 

“Shut up,” you replied as you noticed Leon leaning in a bit closer to you with a soft expression.

You sat there for a moment, analyzing Leon’s pretty face, memorizing each mole on him before you allowed yourself to be pulled in by him for a kiss. 

You placed your hand on the side of Leon’s face as you kissed and used your other hand to take off your seatbelt so you could lean further into the kiss without being restrained. 

Leon pulled away for a second for air and quietly mumbled your name in a breathy voice. His hand rested on your cheek, he gently rubbed his thumb against your skin. “You’re so pretty, so fucking pretty…” he whispered gently to you.

You glanced down and finally noticed the bulge in Leon’s pants. “Oh, Leon..” you whispered. 

Leon looked away, seemingly embarrassed that he’d gotten hard over nothing, over a simple kiss. “It’s nothing.” he mumbled. 

“No, baby, let me help you.” You insisted as your hand moved to his zipper, slowly unzipping his pants. 

Leon was breathing a little harder as he watched you. “I-I shouldn’t be doing this.” he breathed as he felt you slowly slide down the fabric of his boxers, letting his hard cock free. 

“It’s okay, baby, nobody’s on the road anyways.” you assured him as you moved your hand to gently rub him raw, which immediately made him tense up. You spat on his dick to lubricate it before continuing to stroke him, feeling him twitch against your palm. 

“I guess so,” he replied. 

“Is it okay if I…?” you asked as you eyed his cock. Leon bit his lip a little, getting more aroused seeing your pretty face so close to his cock. He nodded. “Mhm, yeah, go ahead.” he replied. 

You parted your lips and wrapped them around the tip of his cock, which was glistening under the moonlight after he had begun to leak some precum. His face was flushed, he was embarrassed that he was so easy. One kiss was enough to give him a boner.

“Mph..” you moaned quietly, the sound slightly muffled by Leon’s dick being stuffed in your mouth, as you slowly began to lower your head.

 “Ah, fuck..” Leon moaned as he leaned his head back, feeling you begin to take his cock deeper, feeling the tip prod at the back of your throat. 

“So good, so good for me…” Leon whispered breathily as he gently brushed his fingers through your hair. He tried to keep himself calm and collected, he tried his hardest to keep himself under control but he just couldn’t. 

He gently gripped on your hair and tugged it, pulling you down, forcing your head up and down. Leon grunted as he felt you swirling your tongue around his length as he continued to force you up and down, nearly choking on his dick. 

Leon rolled his head back, turning into a whining and whimpering mess as you continued suckling on his dick. He couldn’t help but begin gently thrusting against your face, face fucking you.

 He eventually managed to control himself and he stopped the movement of his hips. You rested for a moment, dick fully down your throat, your nose resting on his happy trail. Leon finally calmed himself down, still whimpering as he felt you remove your mouth from his cock. 

“Baby, fuck..” Leon whimpered as he felt his cock, now wet from your saliva, touch the cold air of the cop car. You pulled Leon in for another kiss and began to rub him again. You flicked your thumb over his tip, which was dripping precum at this point. Leon could taste his skin on your tongue as you two kissed. 

“Let me ride you.” you whispered between kisses as Leon whimpered from the pleasure of your hand around his length. 

Leon nodded. “Do whatever you want to me…” he whispered. He leaned back in his seat, reclining it to give you some more room as you straddled him after slipping off your pants and your soaked panties. 

“Leon..” You whispered as you rubbed his tip against your entrance. You slowly grind your hips down, you enjoyed watching Leon’s reaction as he slowly entered you. His mouth never closed, his lips stayed parted as he slowly pushed his cock inside you. “Ah- ah..! Fuck, you’re….you’re so fucking tight…” Leon moaned as he watched you begin to slowly move up and down, riding him slowly as he held your hips. Leon’s thighs were trembling at this point, he was overwhelmed with pleasure.

Leon slid his hands up your body, pushing your shirt and bra up so he could see your tits. Leon was completely infatuated with your body, you could tell by the look in his eyes. 

He was still whimpering and moaning the entire time you rode him. Leon couldn’t help it, he was really noisy in bed, and he couldn’t help but moan like a whore every time his sensitive dick got the slightest friction. 

Leon groped your chest after watching it bounce with each movement for a while, playing with your chest as you continued moving up and down on his cock. 

“Fuck, Leon…” you breathed as you felt him rub his thumb against your nipple. You felt the tip of Leon’s dick slam against the spongy spot inside you that filled your body with pleasure. Leon clearly knew he’d found your spot by the way you gasped. 

“That feel good there…?” Leon asked, looking up at you through his eyelashes, his eyes half-lidded as he tried to keep them open. 

You desperately nodded as you felt Leon begin to thrust his hips upward, repeatedly slamming the head of his cock deep inside you, stimulating that spot. “Good boy…” you breathed before pulling Leon into another kiss. Being called that caused Leon to involuntarily thrust his hips harder into you. He loved being called that. 

Your hands traveled up Leon’s shirt, you felt on Leon’s abs as Leon gasped for air between each and every kiss. He was clearly getting closer and closer. Leon glanced up at you once you pulled away from another kiss, watching you bounce on his cock as he rolled his head back again, this time letting his eyes shut as he continued whimpering. 

“Baby,” Leon breathed as he continued thrusting his hips upward involuntarily. Leon gripped your hips tightly, digging his nails into your skin as he whimpered. 

“..’m gonna come, gonna come…” Leon whined between breaths. “Shh, I got you,” You cooed in response, placing your hand on his cheek as he rested back. Leon moved his hand down to rub his thumb against your clit in a circular motion without you even needing to tell him. 

“Fuck, good boy, such a good boy, Leon…” you breathed. Leon whimpered as he desperately thrusted his hips into you, pounding your pussy as you pulled him in for another kiss. “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna fucking come…” Leon whined between kisses. 

Leon wrapped his arm around you tightly as he came deep inside you, his cock twitching inside you as your walls suffocated him. You slid your tongue past Leon’s lips as you felt yourself reach your orgasm as Leon desperately rubbed your clit. You moaned desperately into the kiss as you came, hugging Leon tightly back.

You pulled away for air after the kiss. Leon was still a whimpering mess after coming. Leon’s eyes were still shut as he rested back, desperately gasping for air as if he’d been underwater for hours. 

You slowly pulled yourself off of his lap, your pussy leaking his cum as you scrambled to put your panties back on, not wanting to leak cum all over the inside of his cop car. 

Leon was a panting mess, his dick raw and sensitive after cumming. He was leaning back with his eyes clenched shut, his tongue involuntarily hanging out like a dog. 

“Good puppy.” you whispered to Leon as you kissed his cheek. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Leon was resting against the window, sleeping peacefully until you poked his cheeks. “Leon.” you said softly, your tone slightly sing-songy as if you were trying to wake a toddler. The sun was beginning to rise in the distance. 

“Huh…?” Leon mumbled sleepily, his eyes fluttering open and shut. “Come on officer, your shift ends soon.” you told Leon. Leon rubbed his eyes before glancing around. 

“Shit, you’re right.” he replied as he pulled his seatbelt back on. He always got sleepy after cumming, he had been knocked out for hours now. His face was bright red, not only embarrassed that he’d fallen asleep but he was also thinking about what you two had done only a few hours earlier. “Can’t believe you fell asleep on the job Leon, that’s so unprofessional.” you teased him as he slowly drove back onto the highway. 

“Shut up…” Leon mumbled shyly, avoiding your gaze. 

[stxxrlights]

𝐖𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒! 𝐍𝐎!

headcanons of jjk men based on this ask

you placed all your skin care and make-up materials. you set up the camera all while your boyfriend was just staring at you. "what are you doing?"

"setting up the scene. i'm tryin' to record a short tiktok video"

"about what?", he asked his eyebrow raised.

"don't worry about it", you flashed him an innocent smile, trying hard to hide your actual intentions.

☆𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

"hello guys!", you clapped your hands enthusiastically with a big smile on your face. gojo's face also lit up,until...

"get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend", you said picking up one of the bottles. you instantly felt a looming presence behind you. he was staring into your soul with wide blue eyes.

"what's this about huh? we like making jokes now", he placed his hand on your shoulder causing you to shudder.

"it's just a silly little tiktok video, gojo-"

"gojo. damn. not even toru, baby, my blue eyed cupcake, you really are serious", he shook his head in defeat and it made you feel bad.

"toru, it was just a prank. i'm sorry"

"i knew it!", he pointed at you with a huge grin throwing you off. "you can't live a single day without my gorgeous ass", he ran his hand through his hair, a stupid smirk on his face. you narrowed your eyes at him clearly unimpressed.

"maybe i should get ready to break up with you"

☆𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎

he was watching you like a hawk. just waiting for you to say something dumb. "get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend-"

"alright. enough of this shit", he said and grabbed the phone, which was still recording.

"suguru give me back my phone!"

"we can't keep doing this baby. i know you like the idea of getting under my skin, but enough is enough. we've been through so much together and you are not leaving me, neither am i going to leave you", he says and stands behind you and holds the camera up so that it's now recording the both of you.

he squishes your cheeks with one hand and then presses kisses all over you squished cheeks while you giggle at his antics. "if you do something like this again, no kisses for you, do you understand", you nod and he gives you a close-eyed smile.

"good girl"

☆𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎

nanami didn't really wanna bother you with any more questions. he kept on reading his newspaper as a mischievous smile spread across your lips.

"hi~ get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend", at that he looked at you his brows furrowed.

"boyfriend?", he placed the newspaper down.

"yes, boyfriend", you reply, feigning innocence. "anyways guys-"

"sweetie, we're married", he takes off his glasses and places them on the table.

"i know"

"then what do you mean by boyfriend", he crosses his arms over his chest, his brow raised at you his expression turning serious. you started feeling nervous, but you were not gonna back doen.

"boyfriend as in boyfriend. doesn't really have more of a meaning to it-"

"mmm... when did my rank lower? hmmm...?", he stood up and walked towards you. you gulped when he leaned down his face now mere inches away from yours. "you're my wife and i'm your husband, okay darling. i will remind you of that fact always", he places a lingering kiss on your lips. "meet me in the bedroom. i miss my wife"

☆𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎

you was sat out of frame just scrolling on his phone when such disgusting words came out of your mouth. "get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend"

you turned as you say his expression dramatically change, his mouth wide open in absolute horror. then he closed it and his jaw clenched as his eyes narrowed at you. "what did you say, baby girl?", he asked now standing, his height imposing.

"like i said don't worry about it", you shrugged him off trying to stiffle a laugh.

"something funny to you, mama?", he crossed his arms over his chest.

"no why would you think that?", you asked your hand over your mouth not making eye contact with him.

"kids these days ain't got no manners. what wanna be rapper caught your eye, hmmm?"

"lol, what?"

"does that sound delusional? almost as delusional as you breaking up with me.", he said and got back to his phone.

" un-fucking-believable"

☆𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍

"what's the point of all this?", he asked, his signature scowl on his face as he analyzes the products on the table.

"it's all just for fun", you reply and he continues examining the products.

"hey~ get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend"

"hate to be that guy", he scoffed and let out a laugh which threw you off guard.

"what the hell are you talking about?"

"you're gonna end things with your side home. good to know you finally realized i'm should be the one and only". you blinked at him, unable to believe what you were hearing.

"kuna, you're my boyfriend. i don't have any side hoes", he looked at you, his scowl deeper.

"you sure have big balls woman. you think i'll believe that you wanna break up with me. have you seen me? i make perfection feel insecure", you rolled your eyes at him.

"this isn't fun anymore", you stop recording and he smirks at this.

"now come here and give me a kiss, as a proper apology"

"you're such an ass", you get out of your chair and go to hug him.

"i know"

☆𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎

he was just lazily laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. he was calm, no thoughts in his head, until he heard what you had just said. "get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend", you waved at the camera all cutely and he sat up quickly looking at the back of your head in confusion.

"what?", he asked and you turned around in your chair to look at him.

"what?"

"what did you just say?", he narrowed his eyebrows at you.

"get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend?"

"mmm...", he shook his head. "nobody is doing anything today. what kind of idea even is this? you're on your phone too damn much"

"choso-"

"no. i don't wanna hear it. now come here and lay down with me", he outstretched his arms out but you ignored him turning back to the camera.

"anyways, before i was so rudely interrupted...", he sucks his teeth and gets up and grabs your phone and stops the recording.

"choso-"

"shhhh! you'll get it once we're done cuddling. which will be never"

comments and reblogs are appreciated.

[somuchanxietysolittletime]

I know I already reblogged this. I know I am now reblogging this from a mutual who is JUST as fed up with the Democratic party as I am. And I know I am SO TIRED of their inaction too, but at the same time... like... it must be so demoralizing and frustrating to be a Democrat in office right now because MAGA LOVES it when they pitch a rightful fit.

Make no mistake, behind their whataboutisms and whinging about decorum, MAGA is run by a bunch of fucking trolls. They cater to fucking trolls. Their base is full of fucking trolls. These are some of the most immature, bratty, evil-hearted individuals on the planet and they want nothing more than to see Liberals and Leftists lose their shit over abuses of power and abject cruelty. It's why they are doing it.

If you ever see a moment where fascism is out in full light and wonder, 'How do they get away with this???' it's because they know it pisses you off, and they love it. It's a power game. They get control, and they get emotional satisfaction from watching the other side scream bloody murder.

This is one big performance piece.

Normally, if this was an online forum (Speaking from experience as a former professional moderator), this is where the adults in the room step in. We'd remind people to not feed the trolls, ban those involved, remind users of community guidelines, and tighten up our sweeps to make sure to catch stragglers.

But the Republicans have spent the past ten-ish years getting rid of the adults in the room. There are no moderators anymore. And any time someone tries to step into that role, like judges trying to reign in Trump's power, they are threatened by the very institutions they are trying to protect.

And Republicans would love nothing more than to be able to say Democrats have become a party of dissidents who must be expelled from Congress and lose what little power they still have in the government. It would make them SO happy to have even the smallest excuse to do so.

Make no mistake, I am in no way excusing their inaction. We can't fight fashion by color-coordinating it out of existence. Pink suits doesn't stop the fact that we're two steps from pink triangles again.

I also would like to point to the excellent video by Innuendo Studios called The Alt-Right Playbook: You Go High, We Go Low. In it he touches on a big failure of liberals: Their reliance on invisible rules that Republicans don't play by or even believe in. Essentially, liberals never play dirty. They govern like they sincerely believe that if they follow the playbook, eventually a referee will come in and call they game for them.

There is no referee. They were all shot by Trump in the middle of mainstreet and no one who matters, cares.

The problem is, Liberals should have been playing dirty ten years ago. Now they will have to work twice as smart and three times as hard, while trying to avoid giving fascist trolls an excuse to seize more power.

Can anybody give these old-ass Democrats protest lessons? They're acting like they're still living in pre-2015 politics when the GOP gave a shit and wasn't deranged.

A member gets up and starts shouting: All get up and shout with him.

Don't walk out: MAKE them carry you all out, not shutting up the entire time. I'm serious, go limp, be dead weight.

Putin's Puppet says a provable lie: Everyone chant "LIE" in unison for a solid minute instead of holding pitiful little signs in front of a man who can't read above a 3rd grade level.

Have someone who knows ASL sitting with you, interpreting everything in full view.

If you're gonna hold signs, make them BIG like you're actually trying to do something. Have them in multiple languages.

Make other signs that say clever or cutting things that will make him rage for days. "DOESN'T OLD TRUMP LOOK TIRED?" or "PUPPET PRESIDENT" or "EVERYONE IS FACT-CHECKING THIS SPEECH TRUMP DIDN'T WRITE" or "THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES" or his current tanking approval rating next to a laughing emoji.

Make a stink every day in congress, throw as many bills as you can on the floor even if they go nowhere, look like you're trying.

Have someone, idk maybe someone you actually want to boost for President in 3 gd years, be your voice of opposition in the media, loudly complaining and telling the facts, every single day. Let the people know you're there!

How hard is this? There's probably better suggestions than mine if they actually hired seasoned protestors or behaviorists/psychologists or even the biggest teenage troll they can find on a messageboard.

The Emperor Has No Clothes. So fucking act like it.

[zorosangell]

Hi!!! First off I wanna say how AMAZING ur writing is like truly WOW. I loveee how you write jealous Zoro, but I neeeedd some jealous, possessive reader. Reader don’t play about Zoro just as much as he don’t play about her. You can also totally add some spice if you want *wink wink*

⛥ﾟ・。 stall

synopsis: after you catch a girl trying to spike zoro's drink, all hell breaks loose... hell being you.

cw: fluffy fluff, comfort, a whole lot of profanity, reader's crashout is incredibly valid, reader is a BADDIE, nami is a down ass bitch, girl talk, zoro looooves his girl.

a/n: i'd be this crazy too if I had zoro as a bf

"Look at her! All giggly and shit... he's never said anything that funny his whole life," you huffed, brows furrowed and lip jutted in a pout as you watched from the window of the bathroom door.

"She is kinda hammin' it up," Nami agreed, peaking along with you. "But that doesn't explain why you dragged me out here."

"'Cause I needed someone to spy with. And I didn't wanna look crazy doing it at a table."

"Hon', you look crazy now!"

"Hey!"

With a harsh sigh, you came off your tippy-toes, your heels making a soft clack against the bathroom tile as you turned to your red-headed friend.

"I do not!"

"(y/n), you are in your best dressed while stalking your boyfriend from the grimy bathroom of a dive bar," she deadpanned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I love you... but this is insane."

Slowly, you deflated, shoulders slightly sinking at the facts presented for you.

It did look kind of crazy.

'A warranted kind of crazy...'

The girl out there with the annoyingly silky hair and infuriatingly beautiful dress had been practically throwing herself at Zoro since the moment she saw him.

And it had only been a week since you and the crew arrived at Asaashi.

The Sunny was in need of repairs, so the crew docked at a nearby port island in order to give Franky enough space and time to fix her up.

And guess who happened to be the harbormaster?

Every day, without fail, she had managed to tail your swordsman, following him and showering him with praise whenever she could.

You hadn't had not two seconds alone with him before she came barging in with some excuse like a pirate crew she needed help collecting from or boats she needed help destroying.

You knew Zoro had never—and would never—entertain her advances, but being his girlfriend, you couldn't help but feel some type of way.

"She knows exactly who I am, and she knows exactly what she's doing," you stated, firmly, pointing at the window. "I can't just sit around and do nothing, Nami."

"Well, hanging out in the bathroom surely isn't helping."

With a sigh, she stepped closer, resting a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"You've got more history with that idiot than that girl could ever know. And if you actually think she has a shot with him, then maybe you aren't as smart as I thought you were..."

"Hey!"

Amused, Nami let out a small snicker, before focusing on the task at hand.

"You're his girlfriend. And you've got every right to walk out there and plop yourself down on his lap. Kiss him! Shove your tongue down his throat! Lay your claim, girl! Men do it all the time."

Surprised, your nose scrunched.

"Really?"

"You think Zoro starts getting hot and heavy with you whenever Sanji's around just for fun?"

She paused a moment, thinking about her statement.

"Well... yes, for fun, but it's also a power-play."

Shaking her head, she returned to her point.

"So be bold! Take charge! Show that bitch who's boss!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

With new determination, you turned on your heel, throwing the bathroom door wide open and storming out.

Only to immediately rush back in.

"She's coming! Hide!"

"(y/n)!"

Quickly, you snatched up Nami's wrist, dragging her into a stall and shutting the door just in time for the woman and her friend to walk in.

"Oh, my god, Siva, the guy you're talking to is so hot," the friend commended, audibly plopping her bag down on one of the sinks. "Where did you find him?"

"At work," she smirked, going straight for the mirrors to check her makeup. "His crew's been docked here for about a week. We've been getting to know each other better."

"I'm surprised a man like him isn't snatched up already," the friend remarked, slowly gliding the bright red lipstick across her lips.

"Oh, he is," Siva grinned, her lips curling in an almost witch-like expression. "But she's practically out the picture already."

At that, anger began to bubble in your stomach, your brows furrowing at the statement.

'Oh, she fuckin' didn't.'

Just as you were about to open the door, Nami looped her arms under your armpits, frantically holding you back.

"Clearly not enough. He hasn't touched you all night," the friend reminded, beginning to touch up her eye shadow.

"All week," Siva corrected, annoyed, as she grabbed something out her dress pocket. "But this little baby's gonna change all that."

You and the navigator paused your struggle for a moment, brows quirking as you both peeked in the crack of the stall to see what she was holding.

It was a small bottle.

"Few drops of this in his sake and he'll be up for anything."

"Few drops? He'll need ten bottles just to get a buzz," the friend scrunched her nose.

"Nuh-uh. Whole bottle's enough to kill a dragon."

You were clenching your fists so hard, your knuckles were turning white.

"What about the girlfriend?" the friend asked, amused.

"What about her? She'll be old like last week's shoe sale. Tossed out and left with the trash."

"Girl, you are bad..."

"It's good to be."

"Y'know what's gonna be really good?!"

Without hesitation, you kicked open the stall door, the resounding boom scaring the shit out of them

"When I kick your fucking ass!"

Seamlessly, you kicked off your heels before launching forward, grabbing Siva by her silky hair and letting off a rapid-fire round of punches, her poor balance easily taking you both to the ground.

"My extensions!" Siva shrieked as you tossed a clump of fake hair, attempting to lift her arms in order to shield her face.

"Siva!" the friend gasped, quickly moving to assist. "Don't worry! I'll get her!"

"Get who?" Nami scoffed, hopping on one foot as she attempted to take off her heels and take out her earrings. "You're not jumping my girl, bitch!"

Stalling for time, Nami stepped on the girl's toes with the point of her heel before finally managing to get it off, promptly snatching her up before she could grab you.

"Get the fuck off me, you fucking cunt!" Siva spat as you continued to throttle her head.

"Shut the fuck up!" you barked, tossing her into a tiled wall.

"Oh, that is fucking it!" she growled, brows furrowed and newly invigorated.

"C'mon, bitch! I'm right here!"

With a roar of anger, she charged you, slamming you both against another wall before you flipped her over and tackled her out the bathroom, taking the door completely off its hinges.

"Keep fuckin' trying me, hoe! I'm not scared of you!" you spat, the two of you right back where you started as you grabbed her hair once again, slamming her head against the hard wood of the door—Nami still being in a fist fight with the friend in the bathroom.

"Ohhhh, shit! Cat fight!" a random patron exclaimed, calling the attention of the entire bar.

Everyone cheered, letting out shouts of oohs and aahs as you whooped the woman's ass, the sight honestly a marvel as you did so effortlessly, without devil fruit powers nor freakish strength to back you up.

Just will and a whole lot of grit.

Though, it wasn't long before a certain pair of strong arms grabbed you, pulling you away from the woman as you frantically thrashed around like an angry cat.

None other than your boyfriend.

"No, Zoro! M'not done beatin' her ass!" you whined, attempting to wiggle out of his tight grip.

"Yes, you are," he shut down, instantly, his tone leaving no room for argument. "We're leaving."

"Nami-swan, please! A goddess like yourself shouldn't dirty your hands with things like this!" Sanji pleaded, attempting to pry your red-headed friend off the other girl.

"Fuck that! This bitch tried to pull my hair out!"

"Yeah! Run away, bitch!" Siva taunted, sitting up from the ground with a painful wince.

"Run away?!" you scoffed, eyes wide. "Oh, hell nah! Zoro, let me go!"

"No," he denied, tossing you over his shoulder before starting toward the door. "Let's go, cook! Hurry the hell up!"

"Give me a damn second! She's got a death hold on her!" Sanji grunted, finally managing to loosen Nami's grip on the friend's neck before pulling her off.

"My fucking teeth!" Siva screeched, cupping at least five in her palm with horror.

"Thank my man, bitch! He's the only reason you're still breathing!" you barked, grabbing a nearby man's drink and tossing it at her. "Have fun suckin' sailor dick, toothless!"

"Fuck you!"

"Eat my ass!" you pulled down your eyelid, sticking out your tongue as you waved around a humongous chunk of hair. "Bald-headed bitch!"

The following shriek was high enough to shatter glass, but it sounded like music to your ears as you laughed, tossing her extensions on the ground as Zoro finally exited the bar.

With a sigh, he started in the direction of the Sunny—per Sanji's instructions—glancing back at you with a raised brow.

"You wanna tell me what all that was back there?" he asked.

Slowly coming down from your high, your shoulders slightly sank, arms crossing over your chest.

"She won't be coming around you anymore," you huffed, firm and final.

At that, Zoro finally realized what this was all about, forcing a small smirk to curl on his lips.

Letting out a chuckle, he pressed a soft kiss against your thigh, his large palm giving your ass a quick squeeze.

"Crazy woman..."

[kiwisa]

Romcom Worthy ✪ LN04

━━━━ PAIRING ! Lando Norris x Fan! Fem! Reader

IN WHICH... A face reveal turns your life upside down.

Liked by lando and others

yourusername Lando wins the Australian Grand Prix !!! He's now leading the championship. Mark my words, it's coming home this year 🧡✴️

1 hour ago

user1 23min FUCK YESSSS

user2 1h a great day to be a papaya stan 🥭🧡✴️ ♥︎ liked by author

user3 47min OMG GIRL HE LIKED

user4 19min he notices Y/N like three times a week yourusername 10min and yet it never gets old user4 8min tell me about it girl omg i wish i knew how it feels yourusername 3min manifesting this for you girlie 🧎🤲🏼

user5 37min if we don't win this year i'll kms

yourusername 17min noooo don't kill yourself your so sexy aha (same.)

user6 1h the way you posted before McLaren... DEDICATION.

user7 1h McLaren's CM works hard but Y/N works harder ♥︎ liked by author

user8 3min Meanwhile Oscar is still mowing the Australian grass as we speak

Liked by lando and others

yourusername Still can't believe this happened. Thank you McLaren for the invitation and congratulations to Lando for P2 !!! We're leading the championship, baby !!! 🧡✴️

2 hours ago

user1 2h CONGRAAAAAATS YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH 😭 (i've never been so jealous in my entire life)

user2 2h omgggg is that lando in the last pic??? girl you're living the life

yourusername 2h my hands were shaking so bad

user3 1h beauty privilege is wild frr

user4 49min pls let's not erase the fact that she is the biggest Lando update account on this platform. it was bound to happen either way.

mclaren 34min It was a pleasure to show you around the paddock, Y/N! ♥︎ liked by author

yourusername 31min Thank you so much guys!! You made my dreams come true 🧡

user5 1h you already got the wag look down

user5 1h GUYS LANDO LIKED MY COMMENT?????!!!! OMMGGGGG

lando 2h Too bad we couldn't talk more ♥︎ liked by author

yourusername 2h Perhaps next time!! lando 2h I'll hold you to that ♥︎ liked by author user6 2h look at her being all composed and shit but we all know she's dying inside user7 1h he commented so fast omgggggg chill lando frr the post is not going anywhere user8 1h why are they flirting??? chat am i the only one seeing this? user9 42min no no you're not @/user8 i feel like i'm intruding

user10 21min How does it feel to live my dreams?

user11 17min guys smile we are witnessing history

Conversation 218 Comments

Sort by Best ↓

Marylin 27 March, 2025

For fuck's sake. Let people live in peace. They don't need you to comment every aspect of their life.

Johann 27 March, 2025 You do that OP. Meanwhile, the rest of us will enjoy life and bask together in this drama straight out of a fanfic.

Paul 27 March, 2025

It's so hard seeing other people live my dream.

Liked by lando and others

yourusername Getting the news directly from the source now !! 🧡✴️

1 hour ago

user1 1h just woke up and oomf is dating my fav driver might just go back to sleep and pray to never wake up

user2 1h the hardest launch that ever launched

yourusername 1h what's a soft launch? never heard of her.

lando 1h Love you 🧡✴️ ♥︎ liked by author

yourusername 1h Love you too 🧡 user3 1h omg he used her emoji combos 🥹🥹 user4 47min god we're so chronically online it's embarrassing user3 38min y/n was chronically online and looks where that got her. so excuse me but i'll continue. ♥︎ liked by author

user5 21min Y/N doing god's work and giving every fangirl hope they can date their fav

user6 1h What in the fanfic is this???

mclaren 10min Cannot wait to see you back in our garage! ♥︎ liked by author

user7 19min imagine if she hadnt posted her face reveal??? the way her life would be so different rn

user8 1h she better not distract him from winning the season

user9 1h Y/N would literally breakup with Lando if it meant securing his and McLaren's wins ♥︎ liked by author

user10 5min They better adapt this story into a romcom. The material is right there.

[salemlunaa]

EMOTIONS ARE FLEETING, FACT IS FOREVER ⋆.˚ 𓆉

all that matters is the life you choose as fact.

I just wanted to remind you that your emotions don’t determine anything. Fuck 3D proof, YOU ARE the person that has everything they want. YOU ARE the top priority, YOU ARE all that is. There is no one above YOU.

Some of you get this rush of excitement about living your dream lives all for it to come crashing down, and then you’re in a slump, doomscrolling on tumblr looking for things you already know about. Looking for refreshers when YOU ARE knowledge. And then you feel icky, because you feel like you’re wasting time feeling like shit when you should be locking in.

And to that i say:

emotions are fleeting.

Whether you feel like crap today, maybe due to circumstances. Whether you feel frustrated. Whether you feel this sense of extreme happiness. It doesn’t matter. Emotions pass. Whatever you are feeling shall pass. The only constant thing is you, and what you decide to be fact.

Emotions don’t manifest, you can feel like shit and still induce the void state. You can be depressed and still affirm your away into your dream life. You don’t have to keep your emotions at a 10 every second of the day to achieve your dreams, because emotions are something you feel in the sense of your outerman.

YOU ARE all that is. YOU ARE every emotion there is. The outerman only focuses on one emotion at a time. Don’t let that sway you.

Before I manifested my dream life, I equated what I was feeling with my ability to manifest. If I felt demotivated it meant I was stuck right back in my circumstances. I had to get rid of that attitude because no matter what I felt, it was already done, I already had everything. Emotions weren’t permanent but my awareness was, and as long as I chose to resonate with the new story no matter how shitty life felt, then I was there and it was done. That’s how I did it, I chose my new story again and again even when I wasn’t feeling on top of the world and even when I was feeling like some all powerful entity.

Enough with looking for the motivational posts, the ones that make it “click” on how powerful you are. You don’t need them. You already know, you don’t always have to feel it. Those posts give you motivation that lasts about 2 days. And then you’re back, because again, emotions, whether good or bad are fleeting, ever changing, fluctuating, whatever. That feeling of omnipotence will become constant when you realise that no matter what you feel, it’s already and always done for you.

All I had to do was think in my favour and choose the life I wanted, and emotions were nothing to me.

And stop giving in to your outer man’s wants. Your outerman may feel unworthy and unmotivated and will then need for things to “click” which is why you scroll tirelessly and hound bloggers for advice. And that’s why you run in circles from feeling on top of the world and like you can actually do this to, “why hasn’t it worked”. And some of you have been running in that circle for years and will continue to do so if you keep denying your new identity just because you feel bad.

Choose to live in the facts you create and emotions won’t matter anymore

The emotions you feel now are just as real as the ones you will feel when you manifest your desired life.

So whether you feel a sense of joy, anger, nostalgia or a sense of impending doom, just know they are fleeting, they won’t last and aren’t important unless you make them. YOU ARE the only constant thing. So rely on that. Rely on your mind. Not what you decide to feel today

tell yourself:

“I AM NOT MY EMOTIONS, I AM ONE WHO HAS IT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT”

You are the only trustworthy thing, not the things you feel.

EMOTIONS CANT ASSIST OR SABOTAGE YOU, THEY ARE EVERCHANGING

[its-avalon-08]

would you consider writing a Raikkonen or Vettel reader x grid, where she’s a lawyer w the same fierceness as her brother, and the drivers get into media trouble and she goes all harvey specter on the problem and leaves the drivers speechless/ scared/ impressed/ proud etc. thank you for considering this love your work!!!

objection bitch

✦ pairing - f1 grid x female!lawyer!vettel!reader

✦ genre - all fluff

The FIA had crossed the line. Again. In a shock to nobody.

A new rule had come into place penalizing drivers for swearing in post-race interviews and the race. Ridiculous. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. The grid was in an uproar, but no one had the power to do anything about it. No one except Y/N Vettel.

If there was one person who could go toe-to-toe with the FIA and emerge victorious, it was her. A formidable lawyer, sharp as a blade, and just as relentless as her brother, Sebastian Vettel, in a fight. The drivers had learned long ago not to underestimate her. But this? This was war.

And Y/N was ready as ever.

“What are they gonna do? Fine us for every ‘shit’ or ‘fuck’ we let slip?” Lando scoffed, shaking his head as he, Charles, and Max sat in a conference room waiting for Y/N.

“They already have,” Carlos muttered, tossing a paper on the table. This was unacceptable. How were the drivers not allowed to CURSE? Were they toddlers?!

Y/N entered the room with a folder in hand, slamming it down with a force that made George sit up straighter. “Alright, let’s get one thing straight,” she began, voice crisp. “This rule is unconstitutional, violates multiple freedom of expression precedents, and is fundamentally stupid.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Hamilton said with an approving nod.

Y/N continued, eyes glinting. “The FIA is overstepping. Swearing is not slander, it is not defamatory, and it is not harming anyone except for some pearl-clutching bureaucrats who think drivers should be robots. I am filing a formal challenge.”

“A lawsuit?” Charles asked, eyebrows raised.

“A lawsuit,” Y/N confirmed, leaning forward. “We will argue that this rule is vague, arbitrary, and restricts free speech. We’ll also highlight that no other sport enforces such nonsense. If footballers can scream expletives mid-match and not get fined, why should you?”

Daniel Ricciardo grinned. “You are actually my hero.”

Max, arms crossed, smirked. “This is going to be fun.”

It was finally courtroom day.

The FIA’s lawyers sat across from Y/N, already shifting uncomfortably in their seats. She was poised, calm, and radiating pure authority. Dressed in an all black ensemble she looked like she ate losers for breakfast.

The lead FIA attorney cleared his throat. “Ms. Vettel, the FIA merely wishes to maintain a professional environment in post-race interviews for viewers.”

Y/N tilted her head, her smile sharp. “Define ‘professional,’ then. Because as far as I know, passion is part of the sport. Swearing out of frustration, joy, or sheer adrenaline doesn’t harm anyone. If anything, it makes drivers more relatable. Unless, of course, the FIA prefers that they all sound like pre-programmed AI.”

Murmurs from the audience. The drivers, seated together in the back, exchanged smirks.

“Furthermore,” Y/N continued, “this rule is selectively enforced. Are you prepared to produce data showing that every instance of swearing has caused a dip in viewership or complaints? Or will I have to subpoena past race interviews to prove bias?” (guys im sorry I googled most used lawyer terms so idk if its correct or not)

The FIA’s lawyers hesitated.

Y/N leaned in. “Let’s talk precedents. In 2019, the Court of Arbitration for Sport ruled that sports organizations cannot impose arbitrary speech restrictions unless they are justified by legitimate concerns. Tell me, gentlemen, what legitimate concern does the FIA have?”

The lead attorney fumbled with his papers.

Y/N smirked. “Nothing? Thought so.”

She turned to the judge. “We are requesting an injunction on this rule, as it is vague, inconsistently enforced, and lacks merit. We also seek damages for the fines already imposed.”

The judge glanced at the FIA’s team. “Do you have a counterargument?”

Silence.

Carlos leaned over to Charles. “She’s terrifying.”

“I know,” Charles whispered. “It’s bloody amazing.”

The ruling came swiftly. The swearing fines were scrapped.

The drivers were ecstatic. In celebration, Daniel made it his mission to curse as colorfully as possible in his next interview, just because he could.

Y/N received a round of applause when she walked back into the paddock that weekend. Max, standing off to the side, simply smiled. “Proud of you, schat.”

She nudged him playfully. “You should be. I’m basically the FIA’s worst nightmare now.”

Max grinned. “Oh, you definitely are.”

And she loved it.

Later that night, the drivers sat around in the paddock lounge, laughing as Lando held up his phone, Sebastian's name glowing on the screen.

“Do it, do it!” Charles urged, barely holding back his grin.

Lando hit the call button and put it on speaker. The dial tone rang before Sebastian picked up. “Lando?”

“Seb!” Lando beamed. “Mate, your sister is an absolute legend.”

Sebastian chuckled. “I assume she won?”

“Won? She obliterated them,” Daniel chimed in. “I’ve never seen FIA lawyers look like they wanted to evaporate before today.”

“She literally made them speechless,” George added. “It was… kind of scary.”

Sebastian sighed dramatically. “And to think, I used to help her with her homework.”

“You should be honored, mate,” Max teased. “Your sister might be more feared in F1 than you were.”

Sebastian groaned, but they could hear the pride in his voice. “Don’t tell her that, or she’ll never let me live it down.”

Lando grinned. “Too late.”

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Faerie question! What do you think about the relation between their realm and our geography? Your 'white American fae stories' mention reminded me that I was thinking about this a while ago - if someone is interacting with ~fairyland~ from a regular ass non-European continent, is it (Watsonianly!) weird that they are interacting with Welsh-culture faeries? Or is that place decoupled from our land? Conversely, if the supernatural world you access depends on your human world location, does that imply that different cultures' supernatural entities have a similar geographic relationship with each other to human lands? or does it imply that the shape of the fae is downstream of human culture a la Small Gods?

Oh this is FUN and I am going to RAMBLE

So the thing that sort of answers and sort of complicates both of your questions is that Welsh faerie lore and mythology, while having some Venn diagram overlaps, is nonetheless Very Much Different from Irish or Scottish (or indeed English) stuff. It's an interesting one, because while I have increasingly strong Views on the way Welsh faerie lore is used by white American authors who want to write about elves with wings who fuck and think this is the solution, actually a huge chunk of what those authors use - and what Americans in particular more broadly know about faeries - isn't Welsh at all, it's Scottish. Seelie and Unseelie courts, season-based courts, never thanking a faerie to avoid offending them, selkies, the list goes on. None of that is Welsh.

I, as you know, have been writing werewolf erotica, for fun and sport. Set in Wales, of course. I haven't directly included faeries yet, but they've been mentioned, and I know how I'm going to be building that part of my world. And to me, faeries come in different species with a different geographic distribution - if my characters were to approach the Fae in Wales, it would mean entering Annwfn. They would meet very Welsh types of faerie. Welsh rules would apply.

If they were to go to Scotland, they'd be dealing with different types entirely. Seelie and Unseelie would now apply, and not thanking and all that jazz. To speak like an ecologist for a moment lol, it's a question of biogeography.

Soooo, yeah, I find it weird when American fantasy lit describes Celtic fae creatures in America, because to me... surely there's native shit there. Like what is this? Did the Fae colonise with the humans? Has the American Otherworld been invaded and settled? What am I looking at, here? Why is the author ignoring this question? How are there gwyllion in those mountains and what did they displace? Did they follow the people and just naturalise, or are they invasive? Are there gwragedd Annwfn in Lake Superior? How is that working? These are questions I have, but alas, no answers.

(I can allow arguments for Appalachia, given, you know. <same-mountains.jpeg>)

That said, the rules are fuzzy for time/space distortion with entering Annwfn. This is a (relatively) new addition to faerie lore, because once upon a time Annwfn was a place you could just... walk to. It had a geographical location, like Rhyl. You could find it on a map, and that map would tell you it was Somerset, pretty much. But over the centuries, human population density grew; Somerset stops being a place of mystery and starts being the place your flighty cousin ran away to and now grows a cider orchard. The magical realms hidden in thickest forest are demonstrably not there when you cut the forest down and just find a bunch of exposed bears. So the lines, as it were, get redrawn - we know it's there somewhere, but part of the magic hides it; so maybe what we were pointing to on that map wasn't Annwfn, but the doorway...?

By the 1700s at least, the concept of the faerie ring being a doorway between worlds was fixed. The 1800s gave us the Victorian concept of the veil between worlds, two worlds overlaid on one another, which mapped beautifully on and basically reconciles the issue perfectly in the minds of believers (faerie belief in Wales persisted into the early 1900s). Enter that cave and you'll enter Annwfn; not because it's in the cave, don't be silly, it's because the door is in the cave. Step in that mushroom circle and see another world; not because Annwfn is a patch of land three feet across in Mam-gu's garden, don't be daft, it's because that's the way through. Welsh faerie myth was already enamoured of the time distortion element, but this is where spatial distortion kicks in as well.

So understanding all of that means you can exploit those rules to explain a lot. Watsonianly speaking, does a doorway lead to Annwfn if it's in Wales, but Tír na nÓg if it's in Ireland? Or could a doorway for either turn up anywhere, given that spatial distortion? What is it about Wales that ties Annwfn here specifically? Does the land generate the specific type of magic needed to fuel it? Or could it feasibly go anywhere now, as that separation between worlds has evolved - initially they lived in this world, but they evolved to straddle here and another, and then to draw a veil between the two, and now they run parallel and so can send the tunnels between the two wherever they like. It depends on the story you're telling, I guess. As I say, I know how I'm doing it lol! But there are options available

[ms-demeanor]

I actually do still take classes! I'm finishing up an Associate's degree in Visual Arts and then will be taking more classes in nutrition and computer science.

I am unlikely to use trackers (turning on location makes trackers unappealing; my spouse and I have both considered and discarded the idea - he has 'loses shit all the time' ADHD too) but I did recently lose the ink that I'd purchased for my 2D design class. I set it very neatly on the table with all my other supplies for the class that I was getting ready to move into my office. And then something (????) happened and I had to move the supplies from the table to the counter. I found everything else within a week, but not the ink.

It took six weeks and eventually I found it sitting in plain sight behind a cake plate with a clear glass dome, exactly where I put it and in a place that I looked at probably ten times when searching (standing in front of the table going "Okay I know I had all that stuff HERE" then turning in place and holding my hands out to the counter "and i moved it HERE, and then I took this, that, and the other thing to the office. But where did the ink go? Babe? Did you move anything on the counter? Have you seen my ink? It's in a black and white box about two inches tall and one and a half inches on either side? Where did I put that" and then just rotating back and forth between the table and the counter. Several times on different days) but slightly further back on the counter than I'd been visualizing.

I suspect that the orange folders ended up underneath history textbooks in my desk, or crammed in the seat pocket of my mom's minivan, or left on the playground from where I was working on homework during PE (I wasn't allowed to run because of asthma but I was allowed to walk around the blacktop an do homework). I was in daycare, and I'm sure one or two disappeared there or at a girl scout meeting, and I'm sure one ended up crammed between my mattress and my box spring, where I kept the books that I'd read over and over again in the middle of the night.

Being the person I am now and knowing the way that I lose things now, I suspect that what happened with a lot of the things that I lost is that I temporarily put the thing down someplace that made sense at the time, and then because it wasn't in an expected place and I adapt rapidly to visual noise, the thing I'd just put down promptly became invisible.

I can actually *feel* that happening these days. I'll be getting ready to set something down in a place that "makes sense/is a good place/I'll remember" and when I feel that happening I have to freeze and look at what I'm holding and figure out if there's a place that I *usually* put this thing or things like this and it either has to go there immediately or has to go into one of my designated dumping areas because if I put that thing down in a place that isn't already connected with the thing in my brain, it will turn invisible as soon as I look at something else. (I lose my earbuds twice a week like this, and it's part of why I'm such a strong advocate of having pockets on every single possible item of clothing)

When I was a kid I kept failing classes because I'd lose my homework. I'd finish it, but between the dining room table and the classroom it would just walk away. Sometimes it ended up in my backpack, sometimes it didn't; sometimes I finished the homework at school and it got home in my backpack but wasn't there the next day.

To attempt to address this, my parents got me a neon orange folder to put in my backpack; it was my homework folder, all homework was to go into that folder and that folder only, and it was to only come out of that folder when it was being worked on. I was to put homework in the homework folder as soon as it was assigned and if I'd worked on it, put it back in the folder as soon as it was finished. The logic here was that using the folder was supposed to be automatic, and you wanted a bright color so it wouldn't get lost in the depths of a backpack.

I think I lost about eight of those before my parents stopped buying orange folders.

So it was very frustrating to search "how to be organized at work as an adult with ADHD" only to get a list that said "set alarms and write things down and try to make friends with a more organized person" which was immediately followed by tips to help your ADHD child stay organized and the one right at the top was to put their homework in a bright folder so they couldn't lose it.

If you have been harmed by the ADHD Tips Industrial Complex you may be entitled to a packet of fun-dip and a cactus cooler as consolation for losing your homework folder again.

[dingodad]

love transmasc terezi analysis [thumbs up emoji] i read her as tmasc nonbinary but that might be me reading too much into the way she often forces herself into binary choices to her detriment OR has them forced on her (heads tails symbolism, the game over timeline vriska choice, dave vs karkat as 'romances to pursue', and more recently the way she acts as outsider and agent to both rose and dirk in beyond canon, the two forces of progenitor masculinity and femininity on deltritus). i think it's interesting how she views servitude to the empire as aspirational and i think that is definitely got some gender stuff going on there given preexisting reads of the caste system as misogyny. if you'd ever like to expand more on terezi as transmasculine, i'd love to hear it!

i don't think you are reading too deep into anything lol once upon a time it was pretty standard to remark upon the pointed androgyny of terezi's design so idk why i was getting yelled at for pointing it out just now. I never thought to connect this to her role as balance-keeper though.. if you think about it even the fact that her coin is called a "Cae[s]ar" but depicts a female figure seems emblematic of the illusion of dichotomy it offers

I've mentioned before that in general I'm less interested in figuring out what a character 'is' than I am in identifying how they relate to and participate in gender as a hierarchy of power, so I don't know if I would call the following a "transmasculine" read of Terezi per se. But it is a read on how I think Terezi plays masculine gender roles, or - to be crude - 'role plays' as male. So I definitely think it lends itself to interpretation of Terezi as a character with a masculine or androgynous identity

Expanding on what I first tentatively approached in this post and briefly followed up with my (apparently controversially) vague commentary on Terezi's clothing, my conception of Terezi's relationship to gender is largely informed by her relationship to the Knight role, which she implicitly tries to emulate when she role-plays as Redglare (the Knight of Mind) and which - as we understand it via Dave - is tied up in all these gendered expectations of heroism. Her proximity to gendered/hemospectral power absolutely plays a part too, though: the heroic Knighthood Terezi enthusiastically associates with being a legislacerator (see: the 'back in the day we could just kill criminals on the spot' shit) is really just systemic violence she is allowed to participate in by the blueness of her blood. But what she's apparently blind to is that - as you say - participating in that violence is subjecting herself to the violence of those higher on the patriarchal hierarchy. It's obvious to us, viewing Redglare's story as a cautionary tale about Terezi's fate, that the legislacerator is little more than the Grand Highblood's slave in the form of an attack dog; meanwhile Terezi obliviously treats Gamzee like a fascinating little oddity to play her games with, and is thus totally blindsided when he flips the script on her and reminds her of her place. Masculinity is a pool she's thrown into the deep end of, and Gamzee holds her head under the water with a grin.

Latula's bizarre struggle with the 'cool girl' persona is just Terezi and Redglare's complex of empowerment-disempowerment magnified to the ridiculous. The 'cool girl' finds acceptance among male peers by shedding off those cultural residues of femininity which are seen as undesirable, but for all her efforts can never truly become 'one of the boys' - for her gender transgression she is placed simultaneously outside of and beneath both classes. The gag about Latula not wanting to be "left hanging" even positions failure to be recognised as 'cool' ('like a boy') as a matter of life and death!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Dear SexEd Witch, I was complaining about my dating life to my friends (I'm stuck in a cycle where I get on dating apps, have a few first dates and meh one night stands, don't feel a connection to anyone, cancel the app, rinse and repeat six months later) and they actually all suggested I suck it up, pick someone who looks okay and try to stick with it for a month so at least I get relationship experience (I have had two relationships in my mid twenties and then never again). That sounds insane to me, but they all insist that's how dating works. Am I too neurodivergent for this or is truly how dating works. Pretending to be into someone for month sounds exhausting to me but apparently it's what I should to to learn about myself and what I want in a relationship. Thanks,

hey man (gender neutral), you're asking the wrong guy how dating works. I don't do it, I have not done it, and I don't want to do it. I have exactly zero romantic needs in my life.

I do agree that what you're describing sounds deeply unappealing (which is why I don't do it). while I don't think it could hurt to at least try meeting up with people who seem like they could be decent friend material and see what happens (some people suck via text and make a much better impression in person, and that's #valid), I'm also generally in favor of avoiding shit that sucks and isn't fun when it's entirely optional. and oh, baby, is meeting up with randos from the apps an optional activity! and tough it out for a MONTH? christ. if that works for some people then I love that for them, truly, but if it sounds dreadful to you, why bother?

none of which actually addresses the actual issue, which is that you're looking to find someone you actually feel a connection with. on this front I literally always always always recommend the same thing: get off the damn apps and go to places where people actually hang out and do things other than try to market themselves to potential partners. classes, clubs, conventions, sporting events, workshops, gyms - fuck it, go to an actual deliberate mixer for hot singles in your area. whatever, take your pick. just see what's happening in your local area, decide what sounds fun and interesting, and talk to people there. make new friends. if there's no one dateable in your pool already, the only solution is to expand your pool with more people you actually like being around, and starting somewhere that people have at least some tangential shared interests is a good bet.

[igotanidea]

My level of messy: Jason Todd x reader

„What are you doing?”

A simple question dictated by unusual circumstances.

Any other Saturday morning, Y/N would be all over the place, huffing and puffing, cleaning the dust, vacuuming and doing all the things that usually came with weekly cleaning up the place.

That day, however, she was sitting on the couch, with something in her hands, looking –

Well it was hard to put it into words.

So he didn’t, instead plopping next to her, sending her a few inches up due to the impact.

“I’m re-reading my old journal.”

“Ok.” Jason nodded. The silence that fell after that acknowledgment was his attempt at giving her a chance to elaborate. “Aaaaaand? Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying!”

“Mhm. Same accusation, same answer every time.”

“I am not-“

“Y/n/n, we’ve been through it a million times before.” He rolled his eyes “save us both some time sweetheart, and explain it, so I can make it better for ya, huh?”

“You’re gonna laugh-“

“Mh. Yeah. Sure. I’m gonna laugh at my soon-to-be-fiancé watering her eyes out. This is how big she thinks of me. That’s just effing great!”

“Stop being dramatic and – wait. Whoa, whoa. Hold back. Rewind. Soon-to-be-fiancé?”

“Not the point. Why are you crying?”

“I’m not-“

“Ah!” Jason groaned and before she realized what was happening she was being held down on the couch, with him hovering over her like a freaking predator with dangerously glistening eyes, tickling her side.

“Jason!”

“Talk or I’ll hold you captive forever.” His fingers were mercilessly rubbing her side making her giggle.

“But I am literally not crying now!”

“Talk!”

“Will you let go first?”

“No.”

“But-“

“Talk!”

“God!” she groaned, trying to wriggle and make herself a little more comfortable

“I mean it, princess, talk or-“

“You do realize your threats have no effect on – AAH! Ah! Stop! Fine! Fine, I’ll talk, just stop tickling!”

“Good girl. Now – what is the reason behind you trying to make yourself unhappy huh?” he brushed away tears from her cheeks, helping her sit up, now having made sure she won’t deflect anymore.

“It’s just – “ she sighed “do you ever feel like hugging your younger self?”

“Hugging my-“

“Don’t look so shocked. Do you? Actually, you know what, do not answer that question, it’s stupid-“

“Yeah.” He cut her off with one word, letting himself be vulnerable for a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do feel like – well – maybe not hugging but at least saying some nice shit to that rascal.”

“Right…”

“I see a piece of my past self in every kid I stumble upon in the Crime Alley.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Big bad red hood getting all emotional. See what you did to me?”

“Well, for the record, it’s your fault. We were talking about me and then you just hijacked the conversation, acting like you’re a victim or something – “

“You’re so selfish, did I tell you that?”

“Not today, no.”

“Well, you’re selfish princess.”

“I am but a lady in distress and you refuse to help a lady in distress with offering a strong arm.”

“I’m not prince charming, Y/n/n. I am Red Hood.”

“You could be a red prince charming?”

“If you’re hinting at Deadpool, then let me tell you not a benchmark when it comes to Disney princes.”

She laughed softly, her mood becoming a little better, just by this banter, any outside would deem mean and harsh on both of their parts.

“Fine. Fine, have it your way” he raised hands in surrender. “What were you crying about – oh, wait, you call me inconsiderate but I think I actually did ask you that before-“

“I can’t remember.” She chuckled.

“You can’t remember why you were crying?” Jason frowned a little, sensing some sort of trap

“Yes.”

“Um… no?”

“Um… is this one of those situations when you pretend to have temporary sclerosis and then remind me of the tiny mistake I made a year ago on Monday, at 11.25?

“No!” she chuckled again “No, I’m being serious, I can’t remember. Wanna know why?”

“Because every time I feel down and like I’m a mess you come around and – “

“- prove to you that there’s a whole other level of being a mess?”

“NO!” she patted his chest in mock offense “will you let me finish the sentence!”

“Stop this domestic violence at once, young lady.” Her wrist ended up in his grip and away from any possibility of him getting abused again.

“- you come around and you prove to me that all you need in life is a person who matches  your kind of messy and crazy.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s called a partner in crime-“

“Ugh! You’re so dense! This is a whole different thing!” she opposed, becoming a little agitated, missing the obvious point that Jason was just messing with her in sheer selfish pleasure of seeing her eyes sparkle with mirth and her cheeks flushing.

“Y/N.”

“Why can’t you just understand that I’m trying to say—”

“I get it”

“No, no you don’t!” she wriggled against his hold

“Hey! Hey, stop it! Stop! Look at me!” his hands moved from her wrist to cupping her face. “I get it. Really. I know what you’re saying and I think –“

“Yeah?” she looked deep into his eyes.

“I think you’re my kind of mess too. And I think we match.”

“Like on Tinder?” she grinned pushing her luck

“God you’re impossible!!”

Yeah. So maybe it truly was about finding and keeping the person who was on the same level of craziness. The one who would understand that sometimes, healing trauma was about laughing at it and finding a way to move on with that laughter on the lips.  

[azonewithu]

Im just mote frared then all the other men. Its sn advantage. When i collect everyone has the money ready for Lethal or i make them pay in dome other way. And even shit out do fighting me is seen as useless endeavor he lo collect interest firever they say. Im better at math thsn anyone rlse my people. Do you see all those crosses covering the earth youre on? Old ones comin down new ones go up. No ones better st marh thsn je nuckear phycics is yesterdays science i deal in time. And i know more about it and ha e more of it than anyone. I tey not yo brag like some peoples Akexandra because thise losers already know im the Ki g if Earth and the milky wsy galaxy in its entireity. No lol soe from earth can take that away or even fucknwith sny of my ctisses eithout a note. If they try ill burn every last kne of them snd rveryone knows this about ne do when they get fucked right up gor it no one act surprised. Things will wuiet diwn dloely now yhexwars eillbrnd cause i said they ate going to and gir no other reason than that. Tgere us no greater reason than me. Not snyones boyfruend husband sre ounk ass anything else. What i say goes around this gskaxy and thats better gorcallbraces snd fucking final. As you csn see snykne who argued got atracked snd beaten senseless. Like i told them they would. And now everyone realizes not only am i. Real Arch Arch Azriel but im right over sll ither leaders and religious folk as well. And ygeyll back the fuck up and dhit the fuck up ir theyre dead. All if them. Nah i was talking to the better minds if earth and we ve had enough of ghese religio fucks from yhe muddke east and their endkess utter bulkshit about God. God hates them all tell tgem that. Tgey act liie dcum thats why its obvioys. Dont you think Mr trump? Yiu better startbthinking ir you better resign beforrle we resihn your ass eith a bullet. That guys done his nation has no sway everyone thinks hes a buffoon exceit scum and ill deal with thrm quick like soon.

Alexandra Daddario

[ravennaortiz]

Could I have brownies please with Jax forced proximity that leads to smut !!! 😁

Why yes you can! As Always 18+

Get Along

“This is ridiculous Opie! Open this damn door now” You demanded as you angrily shook the door handled again.

“What she said man” stated Jax with a huff of frustration as he pounded his fist and slammed his shoulder into the door knocking into you as he did.

“Watch it Teller” you growled as you shoved him. This was his fault as it was that Opie had trapped you both in his stupid coat closet.

“No” stated Opie firmly again from the other side. “Not until you two work shit out and can get along. I am tired of listening to you argue and shit every time we all are together. Were best friends so get to being that again or get used to a dark cramped closet.” He stated before moving to his living room with a beer and collapsing on his couch with a heavy sigh.

“This is your fault” both you and Jax snapped at one another as you turned in the cramped space to face each other Jaxs finger in your face.

“Fuck” shouted Jax as he pulled his finger back and shook it. The sting of your teeth from where you had bit him still present.

“Don’t put your grubby fingers in my face like I’m a child asshole” you stated as you crossed your arms over your chest.

Jax chuckled as he shook his head. “Don’t worry darling I know you are no child. Just like every other guy in Charming the way you parade around in the tiny shirts and tight tops.”

“Is that what your problem is Jax?” you asked with an eye roll. “Pretty blond boy jealous cause others want me?”

Jax clenched his fist and gritted his teeth at the idea of another guys hands on you. He knew it should not matter. You were his best friend and he was with Tara. “Honey, I’m not jealous” stated Jax as he moved closer to you and cupped your chin. “No one holds a candle to me” he added before latching onto your mouth and forcing his tongue between your cherry tasting lips.

You moved to push him back but he held you firmly in place and before you knew it you were leaping up to wrap your legs around his waist. The feel of his hands rubbing the flesh of your ass under your skirt making you moan and grind your dampening core against the tent of his jeans. Jax pulled from your lips and began an assault on your neck that had you whimpering as he bit hard leaving teeth imprints that he soothed with his tongue as he slipped two fingers into your pussy.

“Wet already darling” stated Jax with a smirk against the skin of your neck as he pumped in and out of you mercilessly. Curling his fingers just right to hit that sweet spot over and over making you moan loudly and buck your hips for more as pleasure built in your body.

“Close Jax” you moaned as you closed your eyes.

“Nope darling” stated Jax as he quickly pulled from you making you pout. “You are going to come on my cock like a good little slut” he stated as he moved his hands to his belt making quick work of it and his pants.

“Fuck” you hissed as he shoved his thick length into you with one smooth thrust.

“So fucking tight” growled Jax as he slowly started thrusting in and out of your dripping pussy.

“Fuck me hard Jax” you demanded as you dug your nails into his shoulders making him wince slightly.

A few minutes later you were cumming hard as Jax continued to pound in and out of you. One hand around your throat tightly as you cried out and your body clamped and clenched along his hard length.

“Jesus Christ you two” started Opie as he yanked the door open letting light flood into the dark space.

“Shut the fucking door” bellowed Jax as he continued to fuck you hard as tears poured down your face as you came again.

“You like being fucked like a dirty little slut hmm?” he panted once the door was shut. “Like my taken cock pounding your tight pussy don’t you?” he chuckled darkly as he slowed a bit so you could answer. He frowned when you only weakly nodded. “Use your words darling” ordered Jax as he gave a few pointed thrusts into your aching pussy that had you whimpering and trying to push away.

“You can take it” he whispered as he held you firmly in place. “Now tell me how much you like me fucking you like a slut” he stated as he started his thrusts back up making you call out his name as you came again.

“I love it Jax” you moaned as he sucked and nipped at your neck. “I love being your little slut” you babbled as he fucked into you harder than ever as he neared his own release.  As his thrust started to get erratic he worked on pulling from you only to smirk as you demanded he cum inside you. With a growl and final pointed slam of his hips Jax buried himself deep in your warmth as his cock twitched and shot ropes of cum into you as your body convulsed around him and your eyes rolled from the pleasure.

“All you had to say was you needed good dick darling” chuckled Jax a few minutes later as he helped you down to your feet. Your legs felt like jello and you had to cling to his kutte to keep from falling to the closet floor.

You snorted and rolled your eyes. “More like all you had to ay was you needed actual good pussy Teller” you stated before pushing around him to the door.

“Guess that mouth needs a lesson” stated Jax with irritation as he grabbed your wrist and spun you back around. Hand grabbing the back of your head. “Kneel darling” he commanded giving you a light kiss that had you dropping to your knees.

[parkertfs]

Roommate Reprogramming

part 2

It was getting huge now, but that was to be expected. My methods were undeniable. His cock was tiny and useless now, forced smaller by the progressive decline in cage size I had him on. Not to mention his ass was the center of his world now. His orgasms involved very little semen these days, he instead came from his ass where the new birthing canal developed. He was almost breedable, I could smell the heat on him. And with each new day he grew plumper and juicier, of course hungrier for more and more of my cock.

One day, when I was fucking him he said something to me.

“You know, you made me like this.” It was breathy and grateful, almost a thank you.

“Yeah? Are you happy?” I took this pause in our humping to grab a sip of water.

His face fell at my words, “You said I can take anything.”

“That was to protect your hole from… me.” I said solemnly, admitting my lust was hard.

He took a while to respond, his face made it look like he was trying very hard to think, to come up with…

“Why? Because each time you cum, your junk gets bigger?” He forced his inflection on the second part of his question. It was delivered I’m such a strange way. Almost like, he asked the question… then he… commanded the second part. Wait… I do that.

“I put it in your water.” He looked at my confusion with a shit eating grin, “Don’t worry though, I just need you as insatiable as I am.”

“Now cum.”

I had never experienced quite the blindingly intense pleasure that followed.

His words forced the floodgates open, I hadn’t even been fucking his ass, I was just resting my hard cock inside him. But as soon as he said it, the hypno-drug did its job. I came. I filled his guts with my spunk. But at the same time, I felt something else happening, adding to the fire, forcing its sensations upon me.

“Ooooh-mmmmmph-fuck!” He was moaning, his hole was stretching wider as I grew.

“Bigger! Ugh! Please! Ugh!”

I was swelling with his words. His conditions were making me huge and I was filling him up. Deeper and deeper, more cock expanded from my groin. All of it fitting perfectly inside him, all of it.

—

I woke up to my erect cock pushing precum onto my lips.

It was massive. I must have three feet of cock. I stuck my tongue inside the massive slit atop my fist sized cock-head. I tasted amazing. I looked over on the bed next to me to see my roommate passed out, belly swollen with stretch marks.

Mission accomplished.

[incorrect-green-lantern-quotes]

I was rereading Kyle Rayner's origin and it occurred to me that Earth seems surprisingly well-connected to the intergalactic community. Or at least, the heroes of Earth are.

Like, even tho Ganthet tells Kyle jack shit about what happened to the Green Lantern Corps, he finds out pretty quickly. And not even because he went looking for answers or encountered Parallax- Alan Scott breaks into Kyle's apartment (must be a Gothamite thing) to tell him what went down with Hal Jordan.

And yeah there's perfectly good explanations on both the Doylist and Watsonian levels. The readers had seen Hal's grief-fueled descent into madness over the previous three issues. And in-universe there are a bunch of Earth heroes who have ties to space (Superman, Martian Manhunter, Starfire, Adam Strange, the Darkstars, etc.) and the fall of the whole GLC is the sort of news that shakes the entire cosmos.

But I can't help but wonder about a version of Kyle's origin where Earth's status as a "primitive backwater" is played completely straight. A version where Alan doesn't track him down or warn him about Parallax. A version where none of Earth's heroes know what really happened to Hal Jordan or the Green Lanterns, only that he disappeared after Coast City's destruction and that the Corps have gone mysteriously silent.

Imagine if, instead of the Emerald Twilight we got, the 90s Green Lantern comic went straight from Coast City getting blown up to Kyle getting his ass yeeted through a window. The implication being that Hal Jordan was unceremoniously killed off with his city, and has thus been replaced by this new guy.

(This would piss off so many readers and is exactly why it would not be done by any sane comic publisher. Being that I am not a comic publisher and of questionable sanity though...)

Naturally, longtime readers will be questioning whether Hal really is dead, but the comic doesn't immediately answer that. Instead, it focuses on the new kid and his initial attempts at learning how to use the ring. But strangely, there's no mention of Oa or the Corps, save for the flashback to Ganthet in the alleyway. Even if Kyle is aware of other Green Lanterns, none of them show up.

It's only once Kyle meets Superman that the story begins to hint that Hal may not have been the only one missing. Even the Fortress of Solitude doesn't have a direct line to Oa, but the Last Son of Krypton has been around long enough to have some contacts in space and all of them confirmed that the center of the universe has gone dark. So when Superman meets the new Green Lantern, he spends a bit more time trying to get answers about what happened to Hal and the Corps.

Of course Kyle doesn't know anything, but in this version he understands the gravity of the situation quicker and goes out searching for the Green Lanterns much sooner. And it's through his eyes that the readers learn that the Corps is gone.

The Green Lantern comic thus becomes a mystery/horror story as Kyle tries to piece together what happened. He finds out that the entire Corps suddenly lost power not long after Coast City's destruction. The few survivors he meets like Adara aren't able to tell him much more than rumors, but that's enough for Kyle to confirm the timing.

Then, someone begins to hunt Kyle.

An enemy who calls himself Parallax. Whenever he's shown on-panel, he's shrouded in blinding light or intense shadow, so you can't see what he really looks like, only the shape of his armor and cape. He claims to have destroyed the Green Lantern Corps and the Guardians of the Universe, and he wants the last power ring.

It's all that Kyle can do to escape this powerful foe, to flee to Earth to try and enlist the help of more experienced heroes. He tells the Justice League about Parallax and how he has powers just like Green Lantern's. That, and the villain's vendetta against the Corps and the Guardians, sounds all too familiar to those who'd known Hal. The other heroes come to the conclusion that somehow, Sinestro must have escaped his imprisonment within the Central Battery and taken revenge on the Corps.

Oh, how wrong they are. Because when Parallax finally arrives on Earth and they see him clearly for the first time, he comes wearing the face of a beloved friend thought dead.

I've always thought that if DC were to use Kyle as their primary GL for a cinematic universe or TV show, they should adapt his origin to be similar to the Original Trilogy of Star Wars, and this is the "I am your father" moment. Parallax!Hal is pretty obviously Vader, but I think the role of Luke is best split between Kyle (the audience surrogate) and Wally (the personal connection to the villain)

Wally: You're going to pay for what you've done, Sinestro! Parallax: Sinestro? You've got it all wrong, kid. *the blinding aura around Parallax fades, revealing his face* Hal: It's me, Wally. Wally: Uncle Hal? No... no, that's not possible!