#like also relieved it's not soul-crushing shit again

[infinitethree]

With the immediate crisis mostly resolved– bar the more long-term issue of what to do about Innit, of course– that means Aster can fucking breathe.

Sure, Daz…pretty much hates him right now. And Theo and Day are a little pissed at him too, even if they largely agree that his actions were for the greater good.

But the immediate issue of Daz trying to off himself has been stopped, and the bastard is being forced to deal with some of his shit.

What had been a fairly pleasant morning in his kitchen with frozen pancakes, sausage, eggs, and a protein drink has been hijacked, though. Aster can feel the fucking Observers present, and given the lack of questions…

He’s about to learn some horrible new information about Daz. Information that will only increase the burden on Aster’s shoulders and Daz’s fury towards him.

Right on cue, his everything his hijacked to show–

Huh. It’s…the Christmas celebration-gala-thing.

Except that, uh, it’s not one he recognizes. Usually they kind of blend together, and Aster doesn’t often stay that long, but he would definitely remember this happening.

…Because he’s watching himself dancing with Daz.

No, he realizes. Not just dancing– they’re wearing matching suits.

This doesn’t seem to be one of the times when he’s in Daz’s head, thankfully, and he has some limited range of movement. He floats down closer to try and get a better look at himself and the bastard.

Both of them seem happy. Maybe more than happy; they look like they’re entirely engrossed in each other.

Weird!

“I can’t take my eyes off of you,” Daz murmurs, tone warm and fond in a way Aster has never heard before. “That’s my line,” other-Aster chuckles, his smile growing.

Daz tells him, “I don’t get to make stuff like this often; it’s nice seeing you in something so nice. I can tell you think it doesn’t suit you. You’re wrong, though.”

Wait wait wait– he made that? So then they’re dating? Is this the future, and they date? Date and get serious enough that Daz claims him?!

“You shine just as brightly as your namesake on the inside. I’ve only put that awe-inspiring sight where everyone else can see it too,” Daz tells other-Aster.

…Despite having no interest in this sort of thing, Aster can’t help but feel a little flustered by that. Shit, this bastard is smoother than he ever thought possible. If Daz showed any interest in romance, he’d have a string of broken hearts trailing after him.

When other-Aster just seems awed, Daz laughs softly and leans in. “Was that too poetic? Sorry, let me be blunter. I was able to dive down and see what your soul truly looks like. This is inspired by what I saw. Even with code tinkering, it pales in comparison to the real thing.”

And then, just to make it absolutely clear what kind of relationship they have, Daz drips other-Aster backwards into a long, deep kiss.

Other-Aster, far from fighting it, just slides his arms up around Daz’s neck.

Once the kiss finally breaks, Daz’s stare bores into other-Aster’s. “You stole my heart, but I can’t even be mad about it. Nothing in my life has ever been as good as you. Your devotion is the balm against the long, lonely, miserable years that led me here. With you at my side, I could take on gods. Without you, I have less than nothing. My deepest, most fervent fantasy is the one you already know; to die peacefully of old age in my sleep alongside you. Neither of us leaving the other, instead simply refusing to accept even a moment being so far apart. To the point of madness; to the point of ruin– I love you.” It looks like other-Aster is tearing up a little as he eventually croaks, “It’s a shame we’re already married. That’d be a hell of a marriage proposal.”

Aster’s not-entirely-existent eyes go wide as he realizes that they’re both wearing fancy netherite ear cuffs; stars-themed with basalt for Daz, dark shiny stones and swirls for other-Aster.

And then he’s sent somewhere else.

A wedding– their wedding?

He’s left reeling as he watches Day walk other-Aster down the aisle and–

Innit is there. Innit is not just there, Innit is handing Daz off to other-Aster.

Whatever the vows are, Aster doesn’t process them. He’s too busy freaking out about Innit being actively present in Sanctuary, and how nobody seems to be batting an eye.

Abruptly, Aster finds himself back home and staring down at his food.

That’s definitely not anything that’s happened so far, so–

In the future, he and Daz get married. And Innit gets a body…but is chill enough to be able to give Daz away at the wedding?

He’s pretty sure that if he could have heard Daz’s thoughts for that, it would have been just…love. It was so blatant on his face, and in the stupidly romantic gesture of making and wearing a representation of Aster’s soul.

It almost makes sense, in a weird way. Isn’t there a whole trope about people who hate each other hooking up? It’s just flipping from one side of an axis of strong emotion to the other.

On the other hand, though, it’s still him and Daz. The two of them barely tolerated each other before all of the current events, and now Daz actively hates him.

In what fucking world do they get past that and start dating– let alone get married?

…Wait a fucking second.

Is this a hint? Is this, like– what he’s meant to do, to get Daz to a more stable place? Pretend to fall for him, and make Daz love him?

Holy shit, he’s really not sure if he’s comfortable pretending to love Daz in order to anchor him in reality. No matter how much a little part of him points out that other-Aster seemed pretty damn thrilled to be with him, it’s still super fucked up.

Also, y’know, if Daz ever realized the truth, it would be crushing. It could do so much more harm than good.

Then why did other-Aster do it, then? What did he learn that made him decide to either pretend to fall for him or actually fall for him?

For once, he wishes he could have seen more.

[kingofbodyrolls]

BTS fic recs: September 2023

I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹

❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.❗ 

If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂

BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | 💜 (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (ksj)(kth) |

Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, personal favorites = 💯. 

Namjoon

⭐The Interpretation of Dreams 💯 by @ppersonna // knj x f.reader // phd mentor!namjoon, university!au // 🥵🥰

���� He’s the man of your dreams, the an you’ve spent over 6 years pining over.  and he’s also your Ph.D. mentor and in charge of your very future.

🗨️ Looking for a smutty, slutty, funny and comforting fic? Well, look no further! 🌟 This really delivered 👏🏾 really, really good. The sexual tension between reader and Namjoon 💯 and then best friend Jimin, being the best chaotic slutty wingman EVER 🥵

⭐Deep End by @here2bbtstrash // knj x f.reader // established relationship, period!smut // 🥵🥰

📝 Your boyfriend suggests a new way to relieve your period cramps.

🗨️ Awww, this was so cute and sweet 🥺💖💯

⭐Baby Fever by @95rkives // knj x f.reader // established relationship // 🥰🥰🥰

📝 What was supposedly a peaceful morning stroll in the park, an unexpected encounter triggers namjoon’s intense desire for a baby, turning him into an adorable, baby fever-filled mess.

🗨️ Gosh this was cute - and wonderfully fluffy 😍

⭐All Night 💯 by @luaspersona // knj x f.reader // college!au, brother’s best friend!au, s2l // 🥵

📝 When your brother bails on you, you have to find another way to entertain yourself for the night and Kim Namjoon just so happens to be a great company.

🗨️ This was the most perfect, pure masterpiece of fucking gold writing 🤌🏾🥵 it is insanely filthy, so deliciously smutty!! Like I think my soul has left my body 🥵 the writing, story and the characters were brilliant ✨ this is hands down one of my new favorites and I WILL read this again soon, I promise you! Don’t sleep on this sweet bad boy Namjoon, okay 🥵 such an easy recommendation for me to make - do yourself a favor and read it if you haven’t (and if you have, then read it again!) ♥️💯

⭐Love Language 💯 by @rmnamjoons // knj x f.reader // soulmate!au // 🥵🥰

📝 Exactly one year before one meets their soulmate, their love’s first words spoken to them appear as a tattoo on their wrist. When Namjoon’s tattoo appears, however, it’s not of words, but of the most beautiful set of eyes he’s ever seen.

🗨️ I know that most of this was just pure smut, but damn it was cute ���🥺💖

Yoongi

⭐Oh, darling! [series; ongoing] 💯 by @yoongiofmine // myg x f.reader // university!au, non idol au, professor!yoongi, student!reader // 🥰🌩️🥵

📝 Starting your second semester at one of South Korea’s most prestigious universities should be stressful enough. Between juggling classes, good grades and a social life, your plate was full. Hoping to spice up your academic career, you thought it was a good idea to enroll as an assistant for your literature professor, whom you’ve held a very secret and very forbidden crush on for the past several months. What will happen now that you’re forced to work closely together? And what if your crush isn’t as one sided as you thought? 

🗨️ Holy fucking shit 🥵🫣😳 I am speechless. My soul have left my body 🥵 it’s so good! ‘Kay bye 🫣 There’s only one chapter left!!!

⭐The Road Not Taken [series; ongoing] by @prodagustd // myg x f.reader // Brother’s best friend, pinning, lawyer!Yoongi x actress!reader // 🥰🌩️🥵

📝 This doesn’t have a summary, so here my take: it’s about OC’s pining for her brother’s best friend, Yoongi. Her life is quite messy, but her love for Yoongi has always stayed the same through all the years and hardship. He just doesn’t see her as anything other than his best friend’s sister (or does he???).

🗨️ I really like the back story in this so far, and damn, I feel like OC’s life is just a mangled puzzle of lies. Like she hasn’t found her thing yet, or what makes her truly happy in life 🥺 Only the first chapter is out, but it’s already good!🌸❤️

Jimin

⭐Exhaust by @jungk0oksthighs // pjm x f.reader // breakups, rebound sex - frenemies to ??? // 🥵

📝 Stuck in the middle of nowhere with a dead cell, you were overjoyed to see another car pull up to the rescue. However when the owner of that car knocked on your window, you were faced with the one person you once vowed you never wanted to see ever again. Park Jimin. 

🗨️ It was too good 😭 and it says part 1 of 4 but I can’t find other parts to it 😭 gosh, it’s still good and the open ending is fine with a one shot, but damn I want more! 😂 I have questions that I want answers to, more stuff than I want to see unfold 🫣 but alas, it works fine as a standalone, and it was a good read ♥️

⭐Wait for Me 💯 by @jiminniethemarshmallow // pjm x f.reader // established relationship, pwp // 🥵

📝 This one doesn’t have a summary, but it’s about Jimin just wanting to fuck OC, but she has homework – it’s just really good pwp!

🗨️ This 🥵 OMG! If you value dirty talk, this one is definitely for you! ♥️ The smut was perfection and Jimin was just such a tease 😜💯

⭐Sleepless Night by @kwanisms // pjm x f.reader // cheating!au, work!au, coworker!Jimin // 🥵🥰🌩️

📝 Y/N’s first business trip was supposed to be easy. She and her co-worker, Jimin, were to deliver a presentation for a client then return to the airport to catch a flight home but no one expected a blizzard to roll in. After having their flight cancelled Christmas Eve due to the storm, Y/N and Jimin are forced to share the only remaining hotel room with one king size bed.

🗨️ I think I’ve read this before – It’s really good. Although I’m not really into cheating!aus, I found it a good read 🙂

⭐Something Sweet by @moni-logues // pjm x f.reader // established relationship, pwp, tattoo artist!Jimin // 🥵🥰

📝 You've had a frustratingly slow day at the cafe and Jimin has had a no-show. There's only one thing for it, and that's to get busy yourselves.

🗨️ This was sweet and smutty and also hilarious (something happens that I won’t spoil). It’s a good read ❤️‍🔥

⭐Worth the Wait by @noona-la-la-la // pjm x f.reader // idol!au, virgin!Jimin, soft and romantic smut // 🥵🥰

📝 You aren’t sure why your boyfriend Jimin has taken things so slowly but you are now finally ready to have your first night together.

🗨️ This was actually really sweet, how Jimin wanted the night to be special 🥹

⭐The Bucket List, Prologue by @jeonggukingdom // pjm x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰

📝 Friday nights at the club are a common routine for you and your boyfriend but when you decided to go out that night with your usual group of friends, you had no idea Mina would tipsily confess to him the existence of a sexual bucket list you both made when you were still in college. And you sure as hell did not expect for your boyfriend to propose to help you fulfil every single wish written on that old piece of paper as soon as he got his hands on it.

🗨️ Holy fucking shit 🥵 🫣 this was so incredibly good, the smut was superb, and the promise of the the bucket list was just so enticing! The only thing I didn’t like, is that this is the only part there is 🤣 but as a discontinued series, this has brilliant potential, and it also works just fine as a one-shot (which is why I’m recommending it 😉).

Jungkook

⭐When the End Comes [series; ongoing] 💯 by @oddinary4bts // jjk x f.reader // breakup!au, slice of life!au, photographer!Jungkook x lawyer!reader // 🌩️🌩️🌩️🥵

📝 Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?

🗨️ This is a sequel to ‘The Forgotten Spaces’, which was just *chef’s kiss* 😘This has a lot, and I mean A LOT more angst in it – but it is worth it! I cannot describe how much I genuinely adore this couple with all my heart, I just want them to be happy! There’s only one chapter left of the series. The sequel is heart wrenchingly beautiful, it truly is. When you read it, stock up on tissues before hand 😉💜

⭐Stretch You Out 💯 by @chateautae // jjk x knj x f.reader // college!au, s2f2l, gym employee!namjoon, gym employee!jungkook // 🥵🥰

📝 You have a plan for your crappy, diabolical ex who’s set on ruining your life; making him jealous by snagging a raunchy photo with two hot employees at the gym. what you didn’t have a plan for? befriending the mischievous pair to aid in your revenge and ending up underneath not just one, but both of them.

🗨️ Holy fucking shit 🥵 🫣 this was so exceptionally good! So deliciously filthy, it really delivered on every freaking aspect 💯 incredible 👏🏾 perfection 👏🏾 💎

I feel like I haven’t read that much this month – which is understanding because I’ve been writing a lot. But gosh, I miss reading all of the amazing stories out there and my reading list is still hella long 😂 I am moving in the beginning of October, so I don’t know how much I’ll get to read (or write for that matter), but I hope I’ll have some time here and there 😀

Borahae 💜

[crushedsweets]

SUCKER suckerrrr snap out of it by arctic monkeys is sooo ninakate suckerr trust

i'm so ill. my hands shake and crack as i imagine ninakate living out their life. give me a moment to process. as per usual, im writing this as if i was planning out a one-shot song-fic.

someone remind me to do this with kill the director eventually

ok to begin. the song is from kates perspective to nina.. im imagining its after theyve had their weird little 'meaningless' kisses. IN THIS STORY, SHE KINDA LINGERS BACK TO JEFF ON AND OFF... also this is mostly sad theres barely a good ending im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

nina is well integrated into the kate, clocky, toby, EJ friend group by this point. but every time she spends a few weeks trying to "work things out" with jeff, she's completely off in her own world. she withdraws from her friends, half cuz she's so focused on 'fixing' the doomed relationship and half cuz she's so embarrassed that she keeps going back and i think that shit is SOUL CRUSHING to kate. she hasn't had feelings for someone since . . . lauren . . . and she finally gets fragments of romance again, only for nina to constantly wander off after leading her on. also heavy on the 'fell in love, or near enough' cuz what nina and jeff has is not love 'i gotta tell you the truth' its eating kate alive. she doesnt really talk emotions and she never tells people what to do, but she just wants to scream bro.

i think toby, clocky, and ej have already exhausted themselves telling nina to give it up. EJ has tried gentle pieces of advice, clocky has bickered back and forth, and toby has outright screamed at nina to STOP GOING BACK TO HIM. and none of it did anything. but kate doesnt tell people what to do. the most she would do is raise a brow at nina and sigh and shake her head. i think this would eventually be a good bonding moment for kate and toby, where she confides in him about feeling like she missed her shot. toby tells her that she's never gonna 'miss her shot' ... especially w a girl as messy as nina...cuz evidently jeff did all that and still didnt miss HIS shot. LMFAO... but he'd encourage kate to get her shit together and just talk to nina about it. and for some reason nobody listens to tobys damn advice so kate just sits and waits.

ok this is just very straightforward. kate is constantly mulling over it and pissed and sad and bummed out. (oddly enough, tobys relieved to see her stressing over crushes instead of like.... being torn apart from the inside by a cryptic entity)

'it sounds like settling' down or givin' up, but it don't sound much like you, girl' OK i think this line works for kate AND nina.

toby would be saying something like this to kate. its kind of warped, cuz i think when kates in the chaser mode, she does not give up. she is persistent and she attacks with a goal. he's watched the chaser run to the brink of exhaustion, to the point where kate was bed ridden afterwards. SO WHY WOULD SHE GIVE UP ON SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS A GIRL ?!?!?!

and in turn, kate would be thinking this towards nina. settling down doesnt seem like nina. giving up is also not like nina cuz she is also quite persistent until feelings fade... which frustrates kate cuz she gets stuck in this loop of 'even if she were to leave jeff, why would she settle for me? why would she stay with me? there's no point in getting deeper into this'

kate would eventually have to snap, as stories go. grabbing nina and confessing, going on about how fucking dumb nina is being. honestly, kate would probably accidentally choke out things she heard from EJ, clocky, and toby all scolding nina... which would either upset nina, or feel like a full circle moment where FINALLYYYYY all the shit that she's been told all this time has come together. and finally she can be like oh.... this is really embarrassing for me...... also oh my god wait

the idea of kate writing nina a letter. oh my god. wait. GUSY WAIT FUCK KATE WRITING NINA A LETTER WAIT FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK KATE WRITES HER A LETTER THATS CANON NOW IM SORRY IM SORRY IMSORRY

[croakerconfessions]

Sometimes when I get pissed off I bake banana bread. I bake it obsessively. I cannot stop baking it. It’s as if I’m being forced to bake banana bread by some higher being. That I don’t actually believe in because I’m a devote catholic. It’s more of a metaphorical being that I’m making up for this ask for effect because I actually don’t really give a shit about a banana bread god/believe he’s real. Because I’m catholic. I have so many bread tins because I get pissed off so often. It’s horrible. Everyone around me can tell when I get pissed off as well because I have to get rid of hundreds of loaves of banana bread. My friends know because I text them, asking if they want it, my coworkers know because I bring it in, my neighbours know because I list it on Facebook marketplace for $0. But they don’t know why I bake it so much. I bake for I don’t trust my filthy, dirty hands. My hands that I cannot trust. My hands are evil and wretched. They do things I know are wrong. They don’t listen to me. They move as if they are their own. I know it’s wrong but deep down they carry out my deepest thoughts and desires. My ex after we got into a fight? These disgusting hands killed his dog. Well, it was more like poisoned his dog but I digress. My other ex after we got in a fight? These filthy hands went to his neck and destroyed him. I try so hard to stop them but no, they act on my deepest desires that my soul longs for. But alas, I no longer commit these horrible, wretched tasks for I now have banana bread. My pretty loaves keep my hands still and calm. They them keep at bay. I pretend I just love banana bread! But for I know deep down that, I, infact must bake otherwise I’ll bring harm to the people around me. I’m terrified of my hands. I look in the mirror, my reflection looks back. I see my hands in the reflection. Covered in the remnants of the things I’ve done. I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore. I glimpse my reflection and all I can feel is fear from what they’ve done. They know what they’ve done. They call to me from time to time. They tell me what they’ll do. Then I begin this cycle once again. With the freshest bananas I can find. Also I need to confess have a huge fucking crush on one of the muppet joker related blogs and I just needed to get that off my chest.

My child you cannot hide your sins within the moist and delicious crumbles of banana bread forever.

Perhaps if you presented your crush with a loaf containing all of your repressed feelings, they will eat of it like the Eucharist and their knowledge of your soul will not only relieve your wretched urges but bring you closer together.

Amen.

🐸🙏

[fuzzydreamin]

Companions React to Sole Hugging Them Without Warning

The situation and relationship has effect on this, so I'll be doing different reactions from just a sudden random hug out of nowhere, right after they've shared an emotional conversation, and when romanced (for those applicable).

⌨ Ada

Sudden: Just sort of freezes up at first. It will take her a second to realise that Sole is hugging her, and not that there was something on her or any other reason she might have thought up first for why they got so close. She'll then ask Sole why they're hugging her. Will give a tentative tap on the back or shoulder, but it's all very confusing and she doesn't want to risk hurting them with her big metal body.

Emotional: Similar situation. She's not used to displaying affection this way, but she'll catch on much quicker to what is happening, and maybe even gently hold onto Sole for a second. The whole time she will be analyzing how she feels about this, if it's good or not, and if she would let Sole do this again in the future.

☘ Cait

Sudden: Will flip out and punch Sole. Don't touch her without warning. Once Sole explains themselves she'll tell them they're weird. She might apologise for hitting Sole. Maybe.

Emotional: Freezes up for a second, then returns the hug with crushing force. Sole isn't getting out of it now until she's ready. She may also cry. Don't talk about it afterwards though or Sole is getting a punch to the shoulder.

Romanced: Will tease Sole for wanting a hug but is fully into it. Will hug back, it's going to be tight but not as crushing as during an emotional event.

⚙ Codsworth

Sudden: Very surprised. Despite their many arms Mr Handy's aren't built for hugging you know. But he's touched Sole would want to display such affection for him. Will ask if there is something wrong and if he can do anything for Sole. He will tentatively and gently wrap two of his limbs around them for just a moment, then pull back and insist they carry on with their duties.

Emotional: Much the same as above, but he lets the hug linger a while longer while babbling about it being totally unnecessary and how much he appreciates Sole for being so caring towards him.

⚕ Curie

Sudden: Freezes in shock. She's still getting used to all of these physical aspects and she wasn't sure if she was being attacked. In which case her freezing was probably pretty bad, but Sole took her off guard. Like Codsworth she'll ask if Sole is okay, she'll even start inspecting them to see if they are hurt somewhere. Just why would you do this for no reason?

Emotional: Freezes again before sinking into the embrace. Asks questions about the nature of hugging and comfort. Wonders if maybe hugging should be added to her list of ways to soothe distressed patients.

♞ Danse

Sudden: Freeze gang. Why are you touching him? What made you think this was okay? Is something wrong with you? Does he need to perform a wellness check on you? Should he- ... Gets stuck overthinking about what is going on and why it is happening and what he should do about it. Is very relieved when it's over.

Emotional: His freeze here is more like a minute flinch. He understands why it's happening at least. Hell, he even likes it. May still get stuck in his head worrying about decorum and the like though, but he won't push Sole away. He'll even pull them a little closer until they're ready to stop, making sure not to hold on too tight even though he might want to, only squeezing harder if they squeeze him harder. Won't talk much or at all, just lets Sole hug it out.

Romanced: He's a god damned walking teddy bear, he loves that shit. Sole is healing his touch starved soul. May sometimes be embarrased about onlookers, but in general he's for it.

🕶 Deacon

Sudden: Freaks out internally, cool as a cucumber outside. He'll play it off with a joke and return the hug with a firm pat on the back and hope that satisfies whatever this is so they can back up and give him his personal space back. Please.

Emotional: Still very awkward, but if you've gotten to the point of sharing these kinds of feelings then you've gotten to the point where I guess a hug is okay just for a moment. Doesn't want it to last too long though. Seriously, what if you were attacked right now?

Romanced: Brief, casual hugs are fine. Still gets awkward if they last too long though. Overall he's a lot better when he's the one initiating hugs, and they'll more often be the joking kind where he spins Sole around and leaves them dizzy more than the actual emotional kind.

☠ Gage

Sudden: Elbow to the face and harshly shoved away. Surely Sole was attacking him. Why in the everloving fuck would they try to hug him? Says exactly that to them. Tells them they are weird as hell and shouldn't do that to people if they want to keep living.

Emotional: Sole is still weird as fuck for this, but he'll let it slide this time round. Will place his hands on their arms and more gently push them away. Seriously, how are you going to survive being a raider like this?

Romanced: You know this is embarassing as all hell right? Sole better not do this in front of other people, because they're likely to see one of the other two reactions then. Privately? Suppose you can do it. Don't take too long though, okay? Going to be groped in return. If you want physical contact he has some better ideas.

☣ Hancock

Sudden: Chems slow his reaction just a tad. Is Sole attacking him? No? Well then time to return the favour, which he would have done in the case of an attack too. His hands may wander a little. Will tease Sole a little for being so mushy. Is actually a little uncomfortable, but he'll try not to let that show. Not like they mean anything by it, right?

Emotional: Tries to tease Sole for being mushy again, but it's half hearted and he trails off. He'll bury his face into them and hold on until either they're ready to let go or he actually registers that enough time has passed that this has probably become awkward. He'll try to keep his hands from wandering to avoid ruining the moment, but don't blame him if he fails.

Romanced: He's all over that. Sole doesn't even need to hug him first he'll be going for it every time he sees them. Yes, the wandering hands are there and in full force. Also flirting, both terrible and effective.

☸ Longfellow

Sudden: Hard side-eye. Going to ask if Sole has taken leave of their senses and casually push them away.

Emotional: Awkward grandpa hug. Will do the side hug and shoulder pat thing in return, then offer Sole a drink to better forget their troubles.

Romanced: He's going to feel awkward still, but he'll wrap both arms around Sole and give them one good squeeze before letting go again.

⨁ MacCready

Sudden: Freeze then flight. Will extract himself from their limbs and put distance between them. Now you get fight. He's going to have a raised voice while he questions why Sole would do that, why they would ever think it's okay, and do not do that again. He's a professional and that is not part of his job, nor is it ever going to be. If Sole can't understand that then their partnership is over right now.

Emotional: Sole is his friend now so a hug is fine. Would still prefer a more casual display of affection generally, but if it's emotional enough he's going to fully lean into it and hold on until his problems weigh a little less.

Romanced: Hugs are great. Hugs are the new casual. Might be a little embarrased about onlookers sometimes but overall it's fine. Wanna basically sit in his lap while you read comics together on the couch? Lets go!

♥ Nick

Sudden: He doesn't freeze really but he does go still. He's worried about the jagged parts of his body rubbing against and hurting them. Will sit Sole down and ask if they're okay. Is this about their kid? Going to be really confused if Sole insists there's no reason behind this but he'll play it off with something snappy and refocus them on their task.

Emotional: Gently returns the embrace, mindful of his edges, and makes self-disparaging comments about how it can't be comfortable, mostly to lead their mind away from whatever spurred this. Once again makes sure they are okay, will talk them through it while he lets them hold onto him until they are ready to let go. Will run his covered hand over their head or back.

Romanced: Still mindful of his body, but by now he's accepted that Sole really doesn't mind. Will return the gesture as well as he can and lightly run both of his hands over them in soothing patterns.

✉ Piper

Sudden: You're not someone pissed off about one of her articles and trying to stab her or something right? She really prefers being the one to initiate hugs, but if this is something Sole does/wants on the regular she will get used to it quickly and return the favour.

Emotional: Again she's fine with hugs, but in moments like this she's more used to them with a child that's a little easier to soothe. She'll be more awkward and probably try to pat Sole's head and assure them everything is fine.

Romanced: Living for it! She want's all of the hugs ever! Best way to say hello to her.

☀ Preston

Sudden: First thought is that something bad happened to Sole or someone else. He'll try to extract them enough to look at their face and ask if they are okay. No reason? Please don't do that. It's worrying, he's got things to do, and it's really not comfortable.

Emotional: He's still not really going to be comfortable, but if Sole is the one initiating he will hold them back until they are ready to let go. Won't hold too tightly unless Sole is full on breaking down in his arms, and if he thinks they're doing it for his sake he will try to assure them that he really doesn't need to be held.

Romanced: Much more comfortable getting hugged by a romantic partner. He'll prefer side hugs in a more casual sense, like as a greeting when passing by, but in private there's much less limits to the hugs. Though in that case he may get a little excited.

☢ Strong

Sudden: Is Leader trying to challenge Strong? No? Should kill something to feel better. Or eat something. Not cling to super mutant like bloodbug.

Emotional: Same thing really. Go kill or eat something. He will let Sole hug him though, so long as he isn't interested in going anywhere or doing anything in that moment. Otherwise he'll just walk off with them still clinging to him. Annoying.

☾ X6-88

Sudden: Throws Sole across the room. Much like Gage, he assumed they were attacking. Will have Sole explain themselves thoroughly and assure them that he does not wish to engage in physical contact like that.

Emotional: Still very much uncomfortable. If Sole embraces him too suddenly or tightly he's still likely to push them away, if they are more careful about it he'll stand still and allow it. May drop his forehead into their shoulder or whatever part of them is closest, that's about as close as you'll get to him returning the favour.

[lonely-lost-soul]

1,000 Follower Special

Members of the DreamSMP simping for you:

Dream, GeorgeNotFound, Sapnap, Technoblade, Phil, Wilbur, and Fundy

~No minor members obviously~

Dream: 

When the both of you started dating he knew he couldn’t let anyone know about you.

The only two people who he trusted to know about you were George and Sapnap, solely because they knew who you were before the both of you dated.

Dream met you during Wilbur’s revolt against the SMP, you were a member of one of the villages he frequented.

Dream would constantly trade with your grandparents for ender pearls. They happened to sell the cheapest ones.

One day instead of them you were standing in their place.

The both of you clicked instantly, you laughed at his jokes, and were filled with a certain spark and fire, that had him hooked.

It was safe to say he was addicted.

He adored you, when the time came for him to cut off all the things he loved he couldn’t leave you behind.

Therefore you were the only person he’d allowed himself to have when he had to get rid of all personal attachments. 

To him you were a goddess who could do no wrong, he’d kill for you.

If anyone hurt you all their lives would be gone in an instant. 

He still remembered the first kiss the both of you shared, he had just gotten back from a rough battle. 

Dream was practically bleeding out on your floor, you were screaming at him calling him an idiot. 

You were fretting over him like a mother hen, he just felt so warm and cared for, he took off his mask to give you a crooked smile before falling into your arms. 

He couldn’t help but think you looked gorgeous in your grey sweatpants, hair all messy, eyes glassy from sleep.

Another string of curses fell from your mouth as he leaned forward and captured his lips with yours. 

He felt fireworks pop against his lips and you for sure tasted the blood staining in his teeth. 

He then promptly passed out in your arms.

Dream woke up wrapped in your arms and on a cushy bed. 

He knew you tended to his injuries he also knew when you woke up you’d beat his ass.

At the moment, he felt nurtured and tended to, Dream buried his face in your chest and smiled to himself. 

You were his good girl.

GeorgeNotFound:

Waking up in the woods to a girl standing over him was certainly not how he envisioned the next stage of his life going. 

She glared down at him and he hesitantly adjusted the glasses on his face, he greeted her meekly and she huffed. 

She introduced herself to him and called him a pretty boy in such a condescending manner that it made his stomach wrap up in knots. 

Oh no she was mean and hot. 

You apparently lived very far from the SMP and had no idea how he got to where he was, maybe he slept walk or something. 

You knelt beside him and grabbed his cheeks between your fingers eyeing him like you were trying to see into his soul.

He passed whatever test you had because you helped him to his feet and offered up your home to him. 

Having no other options he agreed to go with you.

As months went by he realized you weren’t all that bad. You could cook, and let him sleep all he wanted. 

(Mostly to try and get his energy back, but still)

He learned you knew a lot about nature and loved animals probably more than anyone else he knew. 

You really were soft under that tough exterior and George loved that it was him who could make you like that.

As much as he enjoyed himself he couldn’t help but miss Sapnap and Dream.

Were they even looking for him? Dream had to care at least...right?

He felt guilty for being happy here, for being happy with you.

It took another month for George to recognize his feelings for you and as soon as he did Sapnap and Dream found him. 

They both seemed to like you after he clarified that, no you didn’t kidnap him. You were a kind soul who opened your home up to him.

Dream and Sapnap looked at one other with a smirk and George’s face turned red. 

The two of them left the house to let the both of you say goodbye to one another. 

George wrapped you in a hug and pressed a soft kiss against your lips, much to his surprise you kissed him back. 

It was hesitant and he could feel the nerves radiating off you. 

He pulled away and rested his head on your forehead, he loved the flush on your face. 

“Don’t be a stranger, pretty boy.”

“I won’t my savior.” 

Sapnap:

At first, his flirting was just good fun, after all, he flirted with everyone. 

What he wasn’t expecting was for you to flirt back just as hard and confident as he did.

It was Karl who pointed out that he’d get a faraway look in his eyes whenever he talked about you. 

Sapnap didn’t get his point and Karl glared at his denseness. 

“You like her Sappy Nappy.”

“What no I- Oh shit.” 

That’s how Sapnap knew he was fucked, cause now all he could ever do was think about his crush on you. 

Sapnap at first tried to avoid you and Karl had to knock some sense into him, saying that, that was not the way he would win you over. 

Ironically, you pinned him to a tree and confronted the fire demon about his behavior.

Out of pure panic, he pressed his lips to yours, when you kissed back he was so flustered his hair caught on fire. 

You had to help him put it out with water because he couldn’t calm down enough to stop the flames from shooting out of his head. 

He was so flustered when you said you’d never let him live this down, but got over it the moment he felt your lips on his cheek (His hair almost went up in flames again).

From that moment on the both of you started dating.

You never minded his constant flirting with other people, he was glad too that was like some weird form of a love language to him. 

When Dream betrayed George and him you were there to comfort him. 

You assured him that you’d never leave his side no matter what happened. 

You would kiss him all over his face and whisper sweet nothings to him whenever he looked too lost in thought. 

He loved it. He loved being spoiled rotten.

When Karl and he moved to the Konoko Kingdom you were right by his side, you helped build your shared home from the ground up. 

You were his little Firecracker. 

Technoblade:

You were Phil’s little helper.

For as long as Technoblade knew his old friend you were by his side, you were quiet and tended mostly to the angel’s flock of crows. 

At first, The Blade thought nothing of you just the girl who always followed Phil around. 

Until he saw you stab through the chest of one of the Butcher’s army soldiers like they were butter. 

The blood that splattered your face and the unbothered look shook him to his very core. 

Oh no, you were hot. 

Technoblade was shaken out of his stupor by you handing him one of the weapons he had lost in the fight. 

You softly asked if he was alright to which he responded with a soft nod, his face was red and you raised an eyebrow.

He noticed a cut across your shoulder blade and reached out to touch the wound. 

You flinched at the touch and cradled the wounded shoulder with your hand, with a soft grumble he offered to patch up your shoulder. 

In the bathroom of his house he stitched up your shoulder, you let out of whines of pain.

The voices liked that way more than they should’ve and it made his face turn beat red. 

You looked up with him through your long lashes and he melted, the voices assuring him that he was ‘down bad.’

Phil came home and caught the both of you staring into one another’s eyes and he gave Technoblade a knowing smirk.

 The glare he sent his old friend was piercing. 

As days rolled into months his feelings for you never faded, especially since the both of you had grown closer. 

Eventually, Phil had forced Technoblade to at least ask you on a date, you dropped the birdseed at your feet and flushed up to the tips of your ears. 

You agreed eagerly and Technoblade was relieved. 

He had kissed you that night under the stars, it was a spur of the moment thing, the moonlight illuminated your best features. 

The voices couldn’t help themselves and he just listened impulsively 

Technoblade was relieved when you kissed him back, he’d protect you from all the horrors of government. 

You were his Princess. 

Philza: 

He’s lived for decades, seen those he loved grow old and pass away. 

That’s why he liked Technoblade, he lived as long as he had, had the same experiences as the angel of death. 

Phil swore he’d never love again, then he met you.

You lived next to him when he was living in New L’manburg and thought you were very pretty as well as very friendly. 

He didn’t know much about you only that:

You were fond of Ghostbur and he seemed to be fond of you.

It made Phil happy that someone else was looking after his dead son when he couldn’t.

Ghostbur had officially introduced the two of you a few weeks before Technoblade’s execution. 

After that moment, you both were practically inseparable.

You bonded over your love for building and all things shiny, he broke his own rule. 

He fell in love with you. 

When he caught wind of what the butcher army was planning on doing to Technoblade he frantically sent a crow to his companion. 

He was promptly placed under house arrest. 

You snuck in through his window once everyone departed for Technoblade’s retirement home and helped Phil disable his ankle bracelet. 

Phil pleaded for you to join him when he went to check up on Technoblade and you agreed wholeheartedly. 

The both of you flew towards Techno’s but it was already too late, they had him. 

You and Phil didn’t intervene. 

After the execution, he introduced you to Technoblade and he seemed satisfied with you sticking around.

Anyone who helped Phil out was a friend of his

You both acted like an old married couple.

Technoblade was dumbstruck to find out the both of you hadn’t had a first kiss yet let alone started dating. 

Phil hit him upside the head for that comment but it urged the old man forward to make his move on you. 

He set up a lovely dinner date, a homecooked meal by the fire was just what the both of you needed. 

You kissed him at the end of the night. 

It was soft and sweet just like you were, his hands tangled in your hair as he pressed close to you. 

You were his angel

Wilbur:

After Sally, he was sure he’d never love again.

That mantra lasted years, but after he won freedom for L’manburg, he had met you. 

You were a crew member of Captain Puffy’s ship and he always did love watching the boats come and go from the ocean. 

You had arrived in L’manburg alongside Puffy and he fell for you hard and fast.

He was a blushing, stuttering mess as you smirked over at him. 

You were strong and tough and he wanted nothing more than for you to pin him against a wall. 

After talking with Puffy you decided to stay in L’manburg and get a feel for the country, Wilbur was ecstatic. 

He showed you around all proud of what he created, you interlocked your hands with his and he felt faint. 

The two of you were an item not soon after.

Fundy approved, happy his father was finally moving on plus he loved your take no shit attitude. 

They both loved when you sang the best. 

You always had a wide assortment of sea shanties to share, and a plethora of stories to tell. 

You had taught a few of them to Wilbur so he could play them on his guitar, another great bonding moment he remembered fondly. 

When you sang it was the only time he ever considered you soft. 

Before Wilbur announced the results of the election you had done the very thing he hoped you would do when he first met you.

Grab him by the hair, pin him against a wall and give him a heated kiss that made his knees weak.

“Go get them, Wilby.” 

“Yes ma’am.”

Losing was not something either of you foresaw. You ran away with him and Tommy to join Pogtopia. 

You were by his side in his slow descent into his eventual madness and stayed by his side up until his inevitable death. 

As he slowly died in you and Phil’s arms you sung to him one final time.

He told you he loved you on his last breath.

You were his muse.

Fundy:

Being left at the altar was one of the most horrifying experiences Fundy had ever had the displeasure of going through.

You’d been there when Dream left with George, you had threatened to stab out the man’s eyes. 

You stayed beside him the entire night, you refused to take no for an answer. 

Fundy had never been more vulnerable than he was with you that night.

He was embarrassed at first but you shushed him and assured him it was alright.

Fundy flushed and felt guilty for doing so, he shouldn’t feel that way around you. 

Your hand reached up to pet his ears and he began to purr loudly in your arms. 

Eventually, Fundy realized he had feelings for you.

Much like Sapnap, he went to immediate Panic Mode.

He didn’t want for this to end up like Dream again, not that you were anything like him, but at the same time, he didn’t want to ruin your friendship. 

However, much to his surprise it was you who confessed to him. 

Fundy said he felt the same before you even finished your confession. 

His tail was wagging rapidly and he had to physically hold it down to stop it from wagging 

Which was something you laughed at but he felt embarrassed about, you had to assure him that you thought it was the cutest thing in the entire world.

He whined at that but you kissed all over his cheeks so he had to immediately forgive you. 

Fundy introduced you to Wilbur who grilled you about your love for Fundy, he wanted to kill his dad. 

You assured him that you loved Fundy, and would never want to hurt him. 

Wilbur seemed satisfied with your response and wished both of you well. 

After Wilbur left, Fundy kissed your lips softly, his tail once again wagging rapidly.

As he pulled away you leaned back in and kissed him back, your hand gently stroked his ears and he purred again. 

He knew for sure he was going to marry you, and it wouldn’t end up like Dream and his wedding.

However, that was still a long way away.

For now, he just had to settle for you being his dream girl.

~~~

Hey guys! Thank you so much for 1,000 followers??? I am honored and shocked thank you all so much! Thank you to everyone who send me supportive messages and my amazing anon’s who member fail to cheer me up. Many more stories and projects are in the works but I wanted to do something special and different for the big 1,000. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy 😊

[battlemaiden13]

Hiya! Can I request Sans and Red (and anyone else you want) with a crush who's usually really clingy, like, will hug him hello and squeeze his hand when telling a joke, suddenly avoiding him? Like, instead giving him a little smile and a wave? He ends up finding out someone told their crush they seemed desperate, so that's why they stopped hugging him?

Thank you!!!

Sans -He is super worried about you. PDA always made him a bit nervous but he loved that from you, getting hugs when you greet him made his day and made him feel wanted. He especially misses you holding his hand when you are telling a joke, it just doesn’t feel the same. He brings this up with you and asks if you're ok or if it was something he did because he is genuinely concerned. When he learns why you stopped he feels his soul drop and he feels physically ill. He rushes to assure you that he never saw it that way and whoever said it to you is an idiot. He goes on to explain that he misses it and wants it to go back to the way it was before. He also tells you that if someone says that to you again tell him because he will passive aggressively put them in their place.

Red -When you first start avoiding him he automatically assumes it’s his fault and he feels like shit about it. He has no idea what he could have possibly done but he figures it has to be his fault somehow. He misses the physical contact but doesn’t want to push it if you are mad at him so he is just upset about it. When he finds out the real reason he is relieved that it wasn’t his fault only to immediately be replaced with pure rage. He wants names, he is so mad that someone put you both through this and he is prepared to beat the living shit out of them for it. He assures you that he never saw you as being clingy and actually admits to liking all the physical attention although he is pretty embarrassed when he does. He is so upset that someone said that to you and he probably won’t forgive them, giving them sideways glares and always making sure to bump up the pda when they are around because fuck them.

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding X

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Part I - - - - - Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV - - - - - Part V - - -  - - Part VI - - - - - Part VII - - - - - Part VIII - - - - - Part IX

“I realize this is incredibly difficult,” the Nautolan Soul Healer said calmly. “But in order for us to help Obi-Wan, we need to determine the cause of his current disconnection with reality. Based on the drug panel, and convenient surveillance, we have, to the best of our ability, ruled out temporary psychosis brought on by a drug interaction.”

Cody stiffened further, not sure how to react to anything anymore. When a brother tried to end his own life, it was usually obvious why.

Sife Aerdo continued on. “There have, of course, been cases of Jedi Seers giveing into their fears of the future, or losing their sense of reality, but every case study involving such an extreme reaction was the result a gradual degradation over the course of many years. Nevertheless, it seems clear that Obi-Wan experienced a vision, and it may have impacted his breakdown to some extent. The more we know, the more successful any attempts to convince him of reality will be.”

Bant furrowed her brow in thought, trying to replay three decades of increasingly vague discussions of nightmares.

”Considering the high profile nature of his position, we cannot rule out some kind of psychological attack, perhaps even a darksider incursion.

Anakin leaned forward intently, the inside of his skull buzzing with white noise.

"All that being said, we must be prepared to treat Obi-Wan’s self harm as the  culmination of a long and quiet mental health struggle. He would not be the first in the Order to disguise such a thing with durasteel self-discipline.”

At that, Bant and Mace took a moment to release their feelings to the force, while Anakin raised his shields defensively.

Master Aerdo finally hesitated, before continuing in the same smooth tone. “I would ordinarily prefer to structure this kind of conversation quite differently- allow Obi-Wan time to share his feelings first and invite you each separately to support him in the healing process. But he’s gone from fighting sedatives and force compulsions as though the fate of the galaxy depended on it, to a self-induced coma. All while barely lucid, yet still somehow maintaining Master Class mental shielding. We need to get a better understanding of his mental landscape if we’re going to even begin the process of treatment."

It is necessary to note that everyone in that room had led, in one way or another, a somewhat miserable life. This was the main reason none of them could claim that the next five hours were the worst they had ever experienced. 

“But he’s always had terrible sleeping habits.” Anakin said hoarsely.

“Yes, but I think they got worse after Qui-Gon passed,” Bant argued, not sure what point she was making. 

“When I pointed out he couldn’t be getting more than three hours a night he told me that he could manage on meditation” Cody offered irritably.

“That’s technically true,” Mace confirmed. “If the Master in question is well-balanced otherwise”

“So its like his eating habits, crushing responsibilities, and repeated exposure to violence, then? Completely fine for a Jedi, in less it’s not, in which case it’s a major red flag?” 

“I think it would help to establish a timeline.“

Aerdo actually dredged up old mission reports, leading to the group reluctantly contacting Ashoka for her memories of Mortis.

At her Master’s insistence, she told them everything she remembered, hazy as it was, nervously elaborating on her own memories of falling. To her confusion, Master Windu all but brushed past that, assuring her that the important thing with stepping into darkness was the choice to the return to the light. Anakin bizarrely agreed with Windu. Out loud. Unnerved by the cooperation more than anything, she put her holographic foot down and demanded to know what was going on. 

Anakin took the comm-link into a separate room to speak privately.

Upon return, he informed the group (with a visibly red and puffy face) that Kit would be escorting her back from Mount Cala cleanup early, daring anyone to disagree. Windu nodded and the conversation continued on.

Together they rewatched holo-footage of Obi-Wan laughing amongst Ghost company the night before last, and debated reports from psychometric investigators who had scoured the cantina as well as Obi-Wan’s personal quarters for traces of illicit substances. Between that and another drug panel, they were finally forced to conclude that despite the timing, the alcohol at most confused Obi-Wan’s perception of a vision, or possibly simply loosened his tongue.

Bant prodded Cody to repeat every word from the holocar ride to the temple, taking furious notes. Cody was unable to stop the heat that crawled up his face.

Just when the looming horror of Obi-Wan actually preparing to intentionally die started to break over Anakin, Windu interjected.

“You don’t see what I do,” the Harun Kal said grimly. “Something galaxy-sized shattered around Obi-Wan and he didn’t break from it. The closest comparison I have is Master Yaddle’s presence when she meditated on her confinement. He’s chosen to keep going, even when, quite frankly, death would be a release. We’re missing something fundamental.”

“He said there were ‘other dark forces at work.’ Even if the fight was objectively hopeless... there’s no way he would choose to die because of it!” Anakin agreed vehemently, shaking off morbid fears.

“But he did choose to die.” Cody said quietly. And the wind went out of Anakin’s sails.

“Lets go back.”

Anakin gritted his teeth as they picked apart everything ‘unusual’ Obi-Wan had said and done leading up to his visit with Bant.

“What exactly did he...”

“So Plo Koon was able to get a read through his shields?”

“Did he have anything to eat?”

“How did that compare to...”

“When he's mentioned things in the future...did it seem good or bad to you?” Bant asked.

“Bad.” Cody and Anakin said in unison. Remembering the trip to the temple Cody spoke again, “Definitely bad.”

“Right. When we were talking he sometimes used the wrong tenses for things, people. I confronted him on not knowing ‘when’ he was after Knight Skywalker left. He told me that he knew what was real, but he was “enjoying not fully living in the moment” he also said that he intended to “wake up”

“Enjoying? That’s the exact word he used?” Cody asked incredulous. 

“He did seem...mostly happy yesterday. Giddy, at points.” Anakin said, slumping in on himself.

Bant looked at her notes once more before addressing the group.

“This isn’t vision psychosis in any manner I’ve heard of before...but I think I might have a theory. He used to have intense visions when we were kids; plenty of us did sometimes, but Obi-Wan would be unable to sleep after. What terrified him more than anything was the uncertainty that he might make the wrong choice- even when the vision was about something good, or neutral. His visions gradually stopped coming around puberty. We just had a conversation about this a few months ago- how relieved he was to only have to manage flashes of precognition. If he had a random, horrifying vision of a terrible future...suicide wouldn’t be his reaction. It’s too final.”

“Even if he blamed himself for what he saw coming?” Mace asked.

“Especially if he blamed himself.” Bant said. 

“What’s your theory?” Aerdo prodded.

“What if...what if he was telling the truth when he said he could separate out what was real and what was not? What if there was no distortion or blurring between now and then? What if he was just wrong about which was which?”

“That...would be a very extreme and abnormal manifestation of force-induced psychosis. He has training in distinguishing reality from visions. The continued presence of his mental shielding means that the fabric of his mind can’t be so horrifically collapsed in on itself.” 

“What if the vision was actually that realistic?” Bant said, pushing back against the soul healer. “So detailed and vivid that it effectively was a reality in itself, and everything else, all of us...”

“Were just memories” Anakin finished. “It would...actually explain pretty much everything. You said he wanted to wake up and when...when I found him.” He stopped, swallowing. “When I found him, he argued with me...what if he wasn’t trying to hurt himself? If you’re right...that would mean I found him trying to get back to reality.”

“It could explain his behavior in the halls...his desperation to wake...” Sife mused “But it runs counter to every other experience I’ve had with those managing prophetic visions. Master Windu, could that explain the shatterpoints you saw?”

“I’m not certain. It would have to have been extraordinarily real to create the echos of Shattering I witnessed. I don’t know if that depth of vision has occurred before, but then again, many things are possible in the force.”

“You really think he might have been...trying to wake up from dream? By killing himself?!” Cody asked incredulous.

“If that ends up being what happened I am going to give him such shit. That is the worst way to end a vision.” Anakin replied.

“Yes. It is.” Bant said pointedly. “That’s why it’s a last resort, after every other attempt to wake fails.” 

They all sat in silence, processing various implications. Cody was unnerved by another terrifying insight into force powers, as well as the idea that the General might vividly remember Cody being inexplicably mind-controlled into trying to kill him. Anakin was trying to understand what this would mean for them, and the conversations he had thought they had had. Did...any of it count, if he thought he was offering it to a hallucination?

“Alright, this is a valuable working idea, but let’s make sure to examine everything with an open mind before we draw any more conclusions. Anakin, what happened after you left the healers office?”

Obi-Wan’s critique of the practicalities of visiting a soul healer could be and was interpreted multiple ways. The incongruity of peacekeepers in war sparked a rehash of earlier discussion. More apologies. Self identifying as ‘crazy’ inspired new debate, especially in the context of the new theory. 

“When I saw him enter the fountain room I assumed he had had a brutal run-in with  dark force user.” Windu explained. “Based on everything we’ve gone over, I don’t understand when...but some of the more insidious sith compulsions work by taking whatever small anger or hurt you feel and magnifying them until they consume you. If Obi-Wan was already experiencing self loathing...”

Cody sucked in a breath. “Then a Sith mind suggestion would bring him to commit suicide. It...sounds like something he might do, if he was partially in control. Take the blow rather than let himself be used as a weapon against anyone else, even his worst enemy.”

“Hells, it could have been an even vaguer compulsion, driving him to attack the person he hates the most,” Bant added darkly.

Anakin buried his head in his hands, trying to hold it together. He couldn’t afford to lose control or get angry. Hells, getting angry at Obi-Wan for ‘failing him’ when in pain could be the reason Obi-Wan was currently in the healing halls. The man said he loved him unconditionally, then practically had a breakdown over how much Anakin pushed that unconditional love to the breaking point, then killed himself. How was he supposed to-

“Anakin? Are you alright to continue?” someone said.

“Yes. No. There’s more I have to tell you...I don’t know if it will help but - it was hurting Obi-Wan...I...”

“Let’s just take it one step at a time. What happened after you left Mace?”

Apparently even Cody somehow knew more about Bruck Chun than Anakin. Master Windu and Eerin told different sides of the same sad story, which spiraled back into a conversation about Obi-Wan’s inadequacy issues, which somehow devolved into a long rant about Qui-Gon Jinn that Master Windu had apparently been holding back for years. 

“My apologies.” He said afterwards, clearing his throat as the group stared, taken aback. “Old grievances. Go on Anakin, what did happened after you got to the ‘secret spot.’”

“He...was skirting around whatever was bothering him...I pushed him...told him I wanted to help...he said I couldn’t...because it was me...because of what I...”

Anakin stood up suddenly, feeling the walls of the room closing in.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry I-” 

He ran out.

He turned around almost immediately, pacing in the small corridor, knowing he couldn’t leave, simply needing a minute to catch his breath.

Master Windu followed him out after a moment, not saying anything, just standing there. Watching him.

“What!” Anakin finally snapped. “What do you have to say that I don’t know already!”

“Knight Skywalker-”

“Don’t call me that! I DON’T DESERVE-” 

Anakin let out a frustrated snarl, punching a wall. The crumble of stone beneath this fist briefly made him feel better, but then he remembered Obi-Wan’s heartbroken expression in the light of an underworldly glow, and the tiny, choked sound he heard when the healers moved him and Anakin just...collapsed, falling to his knees.

Master Windu sank down gracefully beside him.

“Anakin. This isn’t about attachment issues, is it.”

“Not really, no. I mean, maybe you’ll blame attachment but it’s more about...”

“Anger.”

Anakin looked up at that, trying to regain the meditative calm he had felt for a glimmering moment yesterday, right in-between making peace in the cave and everything burning to ash. 

“You know that I have had my own struggles with anger. It is how and why I came to develop Vaapad.” 

“Yes, but you’ve Mastered your anger. And you’ve never...never given in to hate.”

A beat passed and Windu watched some of Skywalker’s familiar breaking points flicker into view. 

“You’ve done something. Something you know the Jedi won’t forgive.”

“Obi-Wan forgave me.” Anakin said, whispering. “He said that even though I couldn’t fix what I did he loved me anyway and I just needed to...to honestly regret what I did and not do it again. I told him I’d get rid of my lightsaber and I meant it and...I thought he forgave me. I was ready to go to the Council with him, come clean about everything. And then I left him alone to get dinner and when I came back...he was holding my lightsaber. My lightsaber.” 

Anakin buried his face in his hands, shuddering with creeping cold.

“I’m not going to critique your and Obi-Wan’s attachment to each other right now. I’m well aware that much of the order has turned to personal ties to maintain their stability given the ongoing horrors of war. I am, for many reasons, wary of the risks this brings us, yet it is also true that risks do not automatically mean failure. I myself have mastered my emotions in a different manner than conventional wisdom councils.” 

Windu spoke carefully. For all that he and Anakin had similar relationships with the force, they rarely saw eye to eye on any given subject. At a certain point, Mace had accepted that the volatile young man was determined to find the worst possible interpretation for anything he said. And Mace was not the order’s most patient diplomat.

“As for your crime, whatever it is, l will tell you this: Unless you choose to renounce the code and leave our number, you will be treated as a Jedi Knight, subject to our protections, as well as our judgement. You will receive appropriate mental counseling. If you are judged to be a danger to those around you, your actions will be curtailed and monitored, possibly through temporary confinement.  The Jedi do not believe in punitive measures for their own sake, but you may be required to provide restitution to those you harmed, perhaps indefinitely. 

Silence hung perilously between them. Windu watched a tremor run through the unfathomable kaleidoscopic of shatterpoints that had orbited Skywalker since he was a boy. A small one broke inward, and an attached tangle of larger, darker ones fell away, crumbling to dust. The rest faded from view, invisible for the moment. A choice had been made, some decision that closed off at least one path to the darkside.

“There’s no one to make restitutions to.”

“...You’re going to have to elaborate on that.”

“Let’s go back inside- I don’t want to do this twice.”

They returned to the increasingly hated meeting room.

Anakin spoke in an outpouring of words about love and hate, about misplaced revenge and now uncertain forgiveness. When he finally finished, the room was deathly silent.

The three Jedi sat quietly while Cody pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess this is why Jedi have the no attachment rule, huh? I admit I never really got it, but I suppose even if I-”

Bant abruptly lunged up, fumbling to bring her lightsaber to Anakin’s neck. Everyone jumped to their feet, except for Anakin, who stared at Bant with a wretched expression.

“MASTER EERIN! This is not-”

“Did you do it?” she asked, ignoring the Master of the Order.

“Bant!”

“It was my first thought after I saw him. We all rushed in expecting a fight, or a bomb, only to find you, insane, and him with a hole next to his heart. I didn’t want to believe it of course, but you’ve always had a violent streak that Obi-Wan, force help him, couldn’t quite soothe away. A fight gone wrong. Master Windu said it was suicide, and I believed him, and I’ve been trying to make sense of that ever since. But Mace found you after, didn’t he? After you felt guilty? Did you think he was going to turn on you?”

“Bant Eerin, you are dangerously-”

“No.” Anakin whispered.

“Obviously I might be why. But I didn’t- I couldn’t. I know I’m not good but I can’t even imagine- holding a saber against him like that. Kriff, do you not get how much I can’t handle losing people I love? I was insane when you saw me because I saw someone trying to kill Obi-Wan and I couldn’t even fight them.”  

Bant held his gaze for several lingering seconds, deactivated her saber and dropping it with a clatter. They stared at each other, breathing heavily and not blinking. She returned to her seat, moving jerkily. “I apologize Knight Skywalker. That was uncalled for.” 

“I wish I could say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in your shoes” he responded lowly. Bant made a tiny, unintelligible noise in reply. 

Cody collapsed back into his chair, holstering his blaster.  “Alright then...so after you finished sitting in the fountain room...what happened next?”

Everyone stared at him.

“What?”

“You’re handling Anakin’s confession somewhat dispassionately. We’re simply surprised.” Mace said slowly, returning to his seat at the same time as Master Aerdo fell into theirs.

Cody shifted uncomfortably. “The vod were trained in a wide range of enemy suppression tactics. While we’re extremely glad the Jedi have never asked us to employ them, I’m not...unfamiliar with this scale of deliberate slaughter. At least in the hypothetical, sir.”

“I see.” Aerdo said. “That is a valuable insight to have, thank you. Knight Skywalker-”

“Just...call me Anakin. Or Skywalker.”

“Anakin. When did this happen?”

“About two years ago, immediately before the First Battle of Geonosis.”

“And have you had any similar experiences with giving into the darkside since?” they asked placidly.

“I don’t think so but...we went to war the next day and....I don’t know if I’ve stopped fighting since it- since I did what I did.”

“Hmm. Anakin, would you mind stepping outside the room and waiting in the corridor for a moment please?” 

He bit his tongue, tasting blood, and quietly walked out the door while the Masters decided his fate. He leaned back against a wall, desperately wanting to see Padme. 

To his surprise, the door opened barely a few minutes later, and he was politely invited back in.

“Anakin.” Master Windu spoke. “Thank you for telling us this. It’s an important insight into Obi-Wan’s feelings right now, and I recognize that you could have kept it a secret. As Head of the Order, and with the advice of a Senior Soul Healer, I have made a decision. You will be assigned a personal soul healer, who you will start seeing tomorrow. Commander Cody pointed out that over nearly two years of continuous warfare, you have maintained some of the the lowest trooper casualty units of any division, by a significant margin if we evaluate based on mission risk level. Your civilian and enemy casualties will be reviewed, but even considering constant war, since your massacre of the Tuskens, you have clearly managed to at least... direct your violence away from the innocent. We do not consider you a threat to the inhabitants of the world. For the time being, I see no real benefit to limiting or tracking your behavior within the temple or on planet, but you are barred from leaving orbit. I have decided to delay a full reckoning before the council until such time that your former Master is well enough to provide his own opinion. Give me just cause, and I will have you confined to a force-suppressing cell. Do you understand?”

Anakin nodded, bowing in acknowledgment. All things considered, it was...honestly better than he expected.

“Now, as Cody” Windu paused. “My apologies, as the Commander was saying-” 

“Cody’s fine, sir” Cody said, wrung out in a way different from anything Kamino had trained him for.

“...I think we can all consider ourselves on a first name basis at this point.” Bant said with a snort. She paused. “That includes you Anakin. I really don’t know how to handle what you did but kark it, I don’t want to hate you. For myself.”

Everyone nodded.

“As Cody was saying, what happened next?”

Peace. Comfort. Hunger. A warning in the force...

-

“I tried to pull the saber back but his finger was already on the igniter...” 

“You probably saved his life. Even a second later-”

“I know, that’s almost the worst part.”

-

“-his neck”

“Why would he change weapons?”

“What if-”

-

“He said what to you and Healer Che?”

“That has to support the detailed vision idea, think about-”

“I’m sorry, Emperor?”

-

“I think we’re done.”

Anakin stared blankly at Sife. “But we didn’t figure anything out.”

“Not conclusively, but we’re unlikely to make any more progress, you’ve given me enough information to preform a meaningful meditative scan, or guide a conversation, should Obi-Wan wake, or navigate through his mind, should we decide to make a more decisive attempt at his shields.”

“Master Aerdo... I leave the final judgement up to you, but I strongly urge you to make a more decisive attempt. I am more convinced now than I was...” Mace glanced at the chronometer “five hours ago that this was motivated by a specific, external stimuli, likely dark. Do you disagree?”

“No.” they said with a sigh. “But I don’t want to underestimate how much underlying factors might have contributed to his response to stimuli, including underlying factors that none of you were aware of.”

The Nautolan Soul Healer stood up, tucking their hands into their sleeves to address the room with classical Jedi serenity. It was a little irritating.

“In any case, we all need to sleep, eat, and meditate. Master Eerin, you have the rest of the day off, I've cleared it with Master Che already. Master Windu, I leave the final judgement up to you, and I am aware that your duties as Master of the Order are unceasing, but I urge you to take some time to center yourself before returning to the council. Commander Cody, I would be more than willing to arrange soul healing for you or any of the Vod, please let me know. Anakin, you will receive a comm later today with further details on your future healing sessions. 

They bowed low, then glided out the door.

Bant stood next, bowed individually to each soul, and sped walked out.

Commander Cody cleared his throat awkwardly, “Mace- what should I tell the troops? We’re supposed to have command briefings later tonight.”

“If anyone asks about General Kenobi, tell them its classified.” I’ll schedule a briefing on the subject. Now go find Captain Rex and take care of yourself, that’s an order.”

Cody saluted, first to the high General, then to Anakin.

Finally it was just Mace and Anakin.

“Is there anyone who you trust who I can call to stay with you.” Master Windu asked.

“I can manage on my own” Anakin replied, not willing to give the Master of the Order anything else he could use against him, even after everything.

Master Windu held back a sigh.

He continued once more, making a deliberate attempt to soften his tone. “Anakin- I know we’ve had our differences, but this is not a trick, nor a trap. You’ve suffered a series of great shocks in the last 24 hours and handled them with immense maturity. I myself am struggling to deal with the emotional fallout.”

Anakin looked up at that, surprised. He didn’t seem to be struggling, but maybe that was what made him a good Jedi Master...

“As I told you before, I am not going to begrudge you the comfort of attachment. I’m rather convinced it would do you more harm than good at this point. I don’t want you flying right now, and you don’t have to be alone. I hope we have come to a better understanding today, but I doubt my presence is suddenly a comfort, though please correct me if I’m wrong. Now is there someone I can call?”

-

Padme ended her call with Master Windu extremely discomfited. She had barely heard from Anakin since he ran out on her the night before last to take care of an apparently extremely drunk Obi-Wan. He had messaged her a few times that night, promising to make it up to her, but had been comm-silent since. She had been starting to get worried, and now the Master of the Order was asking her to pick him up from the temple. Fortunately, she had already cleared most of her meetings for the week well in advance (Courascant leave usually meant THEM time, not that she was jealous of Obi-Wan, of course).

The speeder ride back from the temple was silent. All Anakin would say was that he would explain everything once they were in ‘a secure location.’ 

The door to the apartment had scarcely closed behind them when Anakin fell into her arms, shaking.

“Anakin, talk to me love, what’s wrong?” She gently guided him to the couch, arranging him so she could hold him protectively.

“Obi-Wan tried to kill himself.”

She let out a harsh gasp, “No! He can’t have, he would never-” 

“I got to him in time, but Padme... he was holding a lightsaber to his heart. It was...really close” He burrowed deeper into the folds of her dress, and she gripped him fiercely.

“Oh gods, is he-”

“He’s physically healing, but he’s still...not all there. I spent all of today locked in a room, trying to figure out if it was a Sith Attack, or an insane vision, or..or me”

“Anakin! What do you mean ‘me’ - Obi-Wan loves you, you-”

“I know.” Anakin interrupted her again, knowing he was being unfair; he was just too exhausted to be patient.

“He told me loved me. He...he...found out about what I did to the Tusken village, You should have seen his face, Padme, he was horrified, but he still told me he loved me, and he was willing to forgive me, even though he shouldn’t”

“Of course he forgave you,” Padme whispered. “You’re not a monster, Anakin, I know you would never do something like that again.”

"And then after we talked, I left him alone and he-” Anakin choked out into her dress.

Tears ran down her face, heart breaking. “That’s- that’s horrible. Anakin...it must have have been a attack, Obi-Wan wouldn’t do that.” she said urgently.

He pulled away, horrified. “I made you cry. I made Obi-Wan cry too. I’m sorry- Padme please, promise me you won’t-”

She grabbed the sides of his head. 

Her nails bit into the soft skin behind his ears as she pulled him down so they were face-to-face, vowing, “Never. I swear by the force itself, I will never choose death over life.”

He let out a relieved sigh, eyes fluttering closed.

“Now you,” she demanded

“As long as I have anyone to live for, I swear by the force, I will never choose death over life.”

She pulled him the rest of the way in for a bruising kiss. He lifted her, and they desperately clung at one another as he carried her to bed. They continued like that, clinging and grasping, until exhaustion carried him to sleep. She pulled the covers over top them both and curled around him defensively as the day slowly faded away.

Part XI

[hotdogdynamitezzz]

FRRRR it’s impossible to end. I always think of Jelena with moon opposite moon synastry and I don’t think it’s a coincidence Justin has the same synastry with Hailey Baldwin. They both had soulmate bonds that are fated and represented that aspect so much imo. You just can’t fully end it man, so many lessons learned and a deep connection that feels like no other. I literally think the only way to get over that aspect is to move or smth LMAO😭 because you just know if you see them again you’d fall back in love instantly. I’m happy you got to catch up with your friend tho! Idk what caused the fight a few months ago but talking it out always feels relieving cuz closure is so important.

Also omg, you need to try mars square mars 100% I obviously got too emotionally attached by accident but the chemistry is insane and so much fun. I think it was definitely worth it. The hottest synastry aspects I’ve had were Venus conjunct Mars paired with Mars square Mars…it was insane we were eye fucking each other 24/7 I’m sorry GDHDKSJS. It doesn’t even matter if the person is your type or not, I swear once you experience that chemistry you just find them so hot no matter what. The energy is just everything because the attraction is insane. Best tension everrr. I’ve never experienced sun opposite mars omg but that sounds kinda fun ngl.

As for sun opposite moon this is the first love aspect I swear, it’s definitely one of the most life-changing synastry aspects. I’m not at all surprised that you’re still recovering because I also could not recover from mine with my ex bff. I haven’t experienced a relationship with this but I had such a similar experience as you it was insane. Like I just know once I get into a relationship with this aspect I am not recovering period, it will be impossible to get over. When you described the warmth and falling in love so quickly that it took you by surprise I related SO HARD. This connection makes you feel almost desperate for the other person to see eye-to-eye? Yet you literally feel connected on a soul level because they understand you better than anyone else it’s insane. The frustration🥲 omg girl I am so sorry I feel you so bad on that, the back and forth shit kills because it’s the exact definition of right person wrong timing. It feels like it will never work in the end but you can’t help but hold on and feel attached to each other because you don’t wanna lose that special connection you started out with. For me we ended up just growing apart but we instantly became bffs after 2 days of knowing each other and stayed that way kinda on and off for 4 years but it was so strong. It felt like we were meant to be together as best friends and I wouldn’t have shared that experience with anyone else. We also just met during our toughest times and magically kinda appeared when we needed a friend the most? It was platonic love kinda borderline developing crushes on one another because we couldn’t tell the difference if were just really close or actually in love lol. Anyways she showed me how to love and gave me that warmth and trust that can’t be replaced. It’s gone now because we’ve changed as we grew up. But I really miss and think about our bond all the time, the entire experience is irreplaceable and I’m sure it’s the same for you.

It’s so weird yet cool how much astrology tells us about connections, honestly i just love talking about this with someone and spilling our tea because it feels so refreshing. Hopefully 2023 gives us the love and healing we deserve and mars square mars synastry lol💕

opposition is really the strongest synastry aspect

source? me.

[lilithisamess]

Man Meets Legend

Fandom: Stranger Things // Pairing: Byler // Words: 586

So!! @tsugarubecker organized this really cool event (QHAC, which is the best name ever actually) last week, but I couldn’t participate bc school sucks. BUT this fandom has helped me through a lot, so I thought I’d help keep it entertained. This is just a little something about Eddie meeting Will for the first time that I managed, but I hope you guys like it!

Mike’s so relieved to see the familiar faces swarming out of Eddie’s trailer he completely forgets to be nervous. And there are reasons to be nervous, many of them. It only hits him that this'll be the first time Will meets Eddie when Argyle parks his stupid pizza van, hitting the breaks like a total madman. It provides just the appropriate amount of adrenaline for the scene.

“Mike!” Nancy crushes him, holding Mike like she’d do when he was no older than six. He sees the others greet Will with just as much enthusiasm, like he wishes he could let himself do.

Nancy stops hugging him in favor of looking all awkward at Jonathan. They just hover around each other, waving hesitantly as Mike greets his friends, making sure they’re all still mostly intact. It’s embarrassing and sad and familiar, but Mike has more pressing matters to worry about.

“Will Byers,” Eddie says, approaching the boy himself. Will looks a bit confused, and Eddie looks like he’s coming up to Ozzy Osbourne or something; It’s weird. It’s two worlds colliding. “The man! The legend!” He grins and gestures widely at Will, who looks even more confused, somehow.

“Yes?”

“Man is it good to put a face to the name.” Eddie bows, very low and very ridiculously. “I’m Eddie Munsum. Little Wheeler told me so much about you, Will the Wise. It is truly an honor.”

And there it is. Disaster.

Everyone turns to look at him, like in one of those naked-at-school-nightmares. The metaphor works well because Mike’s eyes widen, also conspiring to bare his soul.

“No, I haven’t! I just... mentioned him once. Or twice.”

“My boy says you draw, and your art’s brilliant. That true? He refuses to let me sample.” Eddie pays no mind to Mike’s desperation. “You like The Shining, right? All that Stephen King shit?”

“Uh—I guess, yeah.”

“Mike would be like ‘will this, will that’ and I’d just wonder how the hell he got himself a friend this cool.”

“I’m not—I’m not that cool,” Will says, almost as red in the face as Mike is. Could Eddie be doing this on purpose? Is he just that evil?

“So you and Wheeler might just have to disagree on this one then.” He nudges Mike’s shoulder, winking at him in a most definitely purposeful way. He’s thankful when Nancy intervenes—there are more important things to worry about, after all—, until he remembers what exactly it is she’s pulling their attention towards. It makes his emotions seem so insignificant, the imminent danger. They might just die. How could Mike worry about whether Will realizes how much he gushes over him to any half-willing listener?

Suddenly, his longing for boys doesn’t sound like the strangest thing in this world or the next. How fucked up does one have to be to feel at ease with that notion? To be at home mid-tragedy? Boys like Mike don’t fit into normal, happy lives, that’s for sure.

“Brilliant and cool? I kinda thought those were mutually exclusive,” Will whispers to him, smirking as they get in Eddie’s trailer behind the others. Mike blushes, a little bashful, but there’s no shame there; no feeling of overwhelming guilt to be spoken of.

“Nobody’s ever thought that,” Mike says, and Will smiles again, less smug and more gentle.

The way his cheeks move with that smile, narrowing his eyes just a bit... it takes Mike’s breath away. He thinks, just for a moment, that there’s nothing more normal than that.

[hotpinkstaples]

im just SO crushed by season six, like it’s absolutely the one i loathe the most, but it’s also has one of the most heartbreaking conclusions because it just goes to show that not only did we have to grieve buffy’s death at the end of season five, but we had to essentially grieve for her continued life at the end of season six as well.

of all the things that went down between seeing red and the finale, you can argue for ten million years what event was more tragic, and play the trauma olympics with who was technically traumatized more, but the MAIN CHARACTER, the WOMAN LEADING THE SHOW, buffy…… buffy was the afterthought. spike tried to rape her, she lost a dear friend to a stray bullet, her other friend relapsed and became the power and broke every unspoken code, and at the end of the day, the only grieving she could do was internally. she couldn’t grieve for what she lost with spike, couldn’t grieve tara’s loss, a person she could trust and confide in, and she couldn’t grieve that she’s lost her best friend to the darkness because nothing would LET her grieve. it was as if she’d resigned herself to the chaos because how else can you justify what was going through her mind when she agreed to SPIKE of all people to babysit dawn when he’d just tried to rape her. the fact that xander had to even say it, like WHERE was the common sense? who in their right mind even thinks that?

because by the end of it, buffy WASN’T in her right mind, because she was truly and utterly alone. because who else was gonna take care of dawn? and who was she gonna run to, to save her? who did she fucking have left to lend her an ear without judgement, without hatred, without SHAME? no one. because by the end of season six, buffy the character herself had been resigned to her fate as the universe’s butt monkey. getting fucked up ten ways to sunday by a vampire, by a misogynist power-hungry creep, by a guy who was SUPPOSED to be her friend aka jonathan, by her own best friend’s inability to control her impulses, by death, destruction, literally every horrible thing you can think of. buffy was RESIGNED to it all, and that’s why season six can burn in hell because joss and his goons did that to her. had her sacrifice herself to save the world, only to come back and resign herself to the fact that she may have been resurrected, but she was resurrected to be ALONE. that she was pulled outta heaven and into her rotting corpse so that she could coddle mr. I now have a soul, miss. I may have relapsed and lost my shit but im better now, to raise a child that was thrust upon her by the gods, to do everything and anything to protect a world that just had fun chewing her up and spitting her out. that was season six - for buffy to go through every tragedy imaginable, and have to KEEP her grief to herself because the world, her friends, and even her enemies would always take precedence over the caretaking of her own soul.

at the end of the day, i’d argue buffy didn’t come into any power. buffy was ALWAYS the power, but before, she was able to work with it, to be a PART of it, and ultimately sacrificed herself to gift her sister a new lease on life and relieve HERSELF of the power that bound her to her suffering. but at the end of season six? she lost to it. the power took from her what even angelus couldn’t, and that was her grit. she lost to it and let it beat her ass until the shitshow finally ended. im so glad we’re never ever getting a reboot because no one has to see Let’s Fetishize Womanpain on television. i hope sarah never signs a contract for this shitshow ever again. good riddance.

[bouncyballcitadel]

Stuck - A Short Snippet

Based on the commission, “MC and Vic trapped in an elevator. Make it as awkwardly hilarious as you can.” Snippet devolved into soft hours, because I can’t help myself.

Enjoy under the cut!

Out of all the people you expect to bump into at 2 a.m. while bringing your laundry up from the Danton Tower basement, Victor is definitely not one of them. In fact, when he stumbles into the elevator, your first instinct is that this is some elaborate hallucination, brought about from your soul-crushing work week and distinct lack of sleep. It’s only when his eyes meets yours, and you feel your heart speed up like the traitor it is in your chest, that you decide this is very, very much real. 

“MC.” Victor blinks at you, as if he’s trying to focus his gaze. “What are you doing here?”

“Laundry,” you say. “Did you just come back—”

Before you can finish your words, the elevator jerks to a sudden stop and you yelp. You hear Victor curse, and the two of you look at the same time at the display. The number 5 stares back at you, unyielding.  

Well, fuck. 

“You have got to be kidding me,” Victor grumbles. You see him lurch to the elevator buttons and make a move to jab the phone symbol—but he misses. As you watch him try again, you feel the pieces of the puzzle slowly click together. 

The glaze in his eyes. The slight slur in his words. The way he’s now mashing the phone symbol impatiently. 

Victor is sloshed. 

“You’re drunk,” you exclaim before you can stop yourself. 

At your words, Victor straightens up. “Am not.”

“You are,” you say. 

“No.” Victor returns his attention to the small speaker in the wall. “Hello? Anyone there?”

“I don’t think anyone’s picked up yet.”

Victor sighs, and to your surprise, sits down on the floor of the elevator. It’s a bizarre sight: you’re over six-foot resident cross-legged across from you, his head tipped against the wall. It also strikes you that this is really the first time you’ve seen Victor not in scrubs or his work clothes. How is it possible that he can make a simple T-shirt and jeans look that good—but, no. 

This is not the time to lust after your chief resident. Not that there ever is an opportune time, but 2 a.m. trapped in an elevator, your chief resident wasted, and you in your pajamas is definitely not the moment. 

“You should sit down,” Victor says, interrupting your thoughts. “I have a feeling this might take a while.”

You lower yourself to the floor. You don’t know what to say in this situation. Is there even a right thing to say in this situation?

“Did you have a nice night?” you say.

Victor quirks an eyebrow. “Since you think I’m drunk, what do you think?”

“I don’t think you’re drunk, I know,” you say. Under normal circumstances, there’s no way you’d sass Victor back. But, it’s past midnight, you’re tired as shit, and your chief resident is inebriated. In for a penny. 

At this, Victor cracks a small smile. “Okay. Fine. I’m not sober.”

“So you’re admitting I���m right?”

He rolls his eyes. “Don’t push it.”

Then, after a moment, Victor says, “I’m surprised you’re still up.”

For a moment, you’re tempted to make a lighthearted quip. But, there’s something in his voice, in his face—a sincerity that you’ve never really seen before. So instead you admit, “Me too. But…I guess I was restless.”

“Like the week hasn’t stopped,” Victor says. 

You look at him, startled. “Yeah. Exactly.”

“Hmm.” Victor gazes at you, and—you know it’s foolish to think this way—but you feel like he’s really looking at you for the first time in this moment. Not as an intern, not as a Citadel Health trainee, but as a person. And, you’re looking at him in the same way. You’re just two people, who happen to be trapped in an elevator together at 2 a.m. 

It’s amazing, how much you’ve tied Victor to the hospital. It’s miraculous, seeing him this way, on his time off. 

“Hello?” a tinny voice interrupts the silence, and Victor turns away. You can’t help but feel disappointed, but you know you should be relieved that help will be arriving soon. You barely pay attention to the conversation that follows, and you don’t even jump when the elevator starts moving again with a shudder. You’re still focused on one fact that has made itself indisputable: you want to see more of Victor not in the hospital. You don’t want to just ogle his biceps in the OR, or sneak glances his way when you’re on rounds. 

You want to get to know this Victor, the Victor that wears T-shirts and jeans and goes out on Friday nights and gets wasted. You want to know his favorite restaurant. You want to know what he likes to drink. You want to know if he, too, sometimes does his laundry at 2 a.m. because he can’t sleep. 

You want him. 

The elevator doors slide open, and Victor rises the same time you do. 

“Get some sleep,” Victor says. 

“Goodnight,” you murmur. 

And, he’s gone. 

[noonmutter]

Revelation pt. 3

Daily Writing Challenge 2021 Day 18: Precognition/Collapse

Flecks of gold plumed up and curled into ashy powder in his wake as Terry's exposed flesh went up like kindling. The fine dust was caught up by a draft that he couldn't feel and disappeared into the ether. Immolation felt surprisingly peaceful, once the initial, horrifying agony had reached critical mass and he simply stopped processing it. This felt rather more...floaty?...than shock, even.

With monumental effort, he raised his right hand, and was surprised to find a hand still there. Not his hand, obviously--his hands didn't glow like this. It was almost like trying to see the shape of the sun: staring at it longer made it both easier and harder to pick out the edges and boundaries of his fingers, and even more so to tell if they were moving. It occurred to him after a moment that his hand was also much too big. He could probably crush his own skull with this meathook.

Do you hear me now, outspoken child?

His mind was trying very hard to ...not shut down, shutting down was too abrupt, and still a function. His brain was simply trying to stop. It was tired; he was tired. And more and more of his body was going all... glowy. The sensation was oddly comfortable, like slipping into warm bathwater after a long day, a stark contrast to the searing nightmare that had happened moments ago. It was impossible to speak, and thinking was another herculean trial.

...e...on...ar?

He was immediately awash in warmth and the inexplicable scent of a summer breeze that would have brought homesick tears to his eyes if he'd had the ability. There was also the intense urge to climb a tree that wasn't there. That one was familiar enough that he let out another weak huff of a laugh, at once relieved and resigned. Finally, something that wasn't out to kill him.

No, my ally. I am most certainly not here to kill you.

It was impossible to be certain, with the mass of Revendreth immense in his vision and badly blurred, but Terry thought he'd stopped falling. Or drifting. Or whatever the right word was. Everything was either grey or black and, immeasurably far up above him (and just below his chin), gleaming gold.

Why..?

You called for me. I came.

I called? ... I did... yes. So long ago. Where... Terry couldn't quite muster up the strength to be furious, only heaving the question like a great mental sigh. Where were you?

Your enemies are...very dedicated to keeping you to themselves. I heard only that plea, and tiny remnants of others. I could not see, and could barely hear. I am sorry for the way I found you. It is never my wish to cause pain.

He could feel himself squint. ...the elementals? That was you?

Yes. It was the only way to bring you into my sight.

There was a pregnant silence where he would have been laughing if he could. When he actually did hear himself bark aloud, he startled himself. The exhaustion was still there, but some of the rawness... he felt a little less like a fragment of himself. And as he had that thought, he noticed that he could feel pain again. As much as he would have preferred not to, he knew that that was an improvement, not a punishment.

What are you doing?

To Terry's puzzlement, there was another pause, a feeling that the Lifebinder was hesitating. I had intended to save you. But I realize... this was not our agreement.

Terry closed his eyes, now that he knew he could and it would matter. It was nice to actually see darkness, instead of seeing nothing or not being able to change his view at all.

You are so tired, child. She sounded very much like his mother in that moment, and he found comfort in that without fighting it, for a change.

I am. ...Will I get to see them again?

No. But that is not your fault.

Instantly, his eyes flew open. What does that mean?

You have gone where you were likely destined to go, as you were. But had you gone there the proper way--at the end of your part in the cycle--you would not have ended up there.

Before he had a chance to get cross and tell her to stop talking in circles and riddles at him, Terry felt himself shifting around, rolling over until he was no longer looking at the rocky underside of Revendreth. Instead, he faced a gaping, awful hole like a collapsing star that would consume entire galaxies, and the warmth in his body suddenly disappeared. The longer he stared, the easier it was to make out the constant flow of countless little specks disappearing into the gaping gullet. Raw dread filled him when he figured out what the specks were.

The balance is undone. You, as they did, would have ended up in this consuming pit called the Maw.

What?!

Forgive me, child. There is chaos in the fabric of all things. I could not see.

His heart sank to the same depths as the day he'd woken up in Darnassus and learned that not only had his parents died, his country had too. At the same time, his jaw clenched, and he was warmed again by his own boiling blood. Maybe he might have deserved whatever the Maw was, but his parents sure as shit didn't.

But I see now. And I return to the bargain we made.

Terry was turned over again, and he couldn't decide whether it was better or worse to look away from the hole in the universe. At least he felt less hollow inside this way. A new wash of exhaustion rolled over him, and he closed his eyes once more. When did it end? Was there always going to be something worse waiting in the wings?

I have already borrowed your strength, and it served me well. I have returned it thus. But... it seems to me that I must offer you the choice, before I lend my own.

...How do you mean?

You are tired, and it seems to me, deservedly so. I can end your suffering, and usher you to the fate you would have properly earned if you so wish. Revendreth would likely have been your proper destination. This time, you would encounter it as a soul, rather than a man.

He frowned a little. And the alternative?

I can finish what I already started, burn away the twisted shell that contains your essence, and build it anew. You would return as a living man to Revendreth, and from there, seek a remedy for this sickness on the cosmos. There will be great suffering in this endeavor, as all battles create. You might not return to your mate or offspring for a very long time. You might not return at all, and die, and be condemned to the Maw regardless.

You are a terrible salesman.

You demanded honesty. She was being cheeky. He appreciated that. I now ask you to place your trust in me, and accept the mantle of champion.

Either way, he wasn't going to see Dwyn or his children again. Not for a while, if at all. He'd already thought it impossible a dozen times over, all the way back in the desert on Azeroth. It was hard to hold out hope in the face of that; harder still to do it after that, and being stolen away to what turned out not to be Hell, but Purgatory. He'd clung to determination, to stubbornness, instead; he could accept those in place of hope. He would see them again because he swore that he would, not because things had to turn out okay somehow.

And his parents were down there, somewhere, too. Was that going to happen to the rest of his family? To Leon? To Vember? Alynore? Ansul? Pin? Jia?

What good was his oath if he didn't try everything to follow it, even blind, mad, dangerous faith?

What did he have left to lose?

If ever there was a worthy price for his free will... this was it.

All right. I guess I'm storming Hell.

( @daily-writing-challenge​ )

[rafecameron]

Hi can I request a part 2 of that wheezie asking for boy advice cause bro when she said “Rafe doesn’t love anyone anymore” my heart shattered for her so in part 2 can he be telling her he loves her because dude, my heart? Broken. My soul? Crushed. That shit HURTED she needs some love. It could literally just be like “Rafe sat on wheezies bed “I love you” Rage said, wheezie nodded” idc I just need to relieve some pain over here

PART 1

You smile into the crook of Rafes neck, letting out a soft laugh as his fingers glide across the ticklish spot on your side. You had been in this same position for hours now. You laying half across his chest, leg draped over his thigh, head against his shoulder and arm resting against his chest. One of rafes arms draped over your shoulders while the other moved gently against your side and thigh, tracing soothing patterns against your skin.

You could stay like this for the rest of the day and that’s exactly what you wanted to do, your mind however had different ideas. You couldn’t stop thinking about something that had been bothering you for a while now, finally deciding to bring it up to your boyfriend in hopes he would be able to do something about it.

“Baby?” You ask quietly, your breath ticking his neck as you spoke.

“Hmm?” He hums in reply, idly toying with the waist band of your shorts.

Rafes eyes were closed, his body threatening to drift off to sleep as the afternoon soon lazily drifted through his window and warmed his skin, not having felt this content in a long time.

“I’m worried about your sister.” You mumble, watching as your fingers trace patterns against his chest through his shirt.

“Sarah?” Rafe asks quietly.

“Wheezie.” You correct him, lifting your head to rest against your hand so you could look at him, he opens one eye to look over at you when he felt your movements, “she just seems really down lately, ever since I spoke to her in her room last week.” Your fingers stroke his shoulder through his shirt as you spoke.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, just the usual teenage girl things.” Rafe squeezes your side in a comforting manner and closes his eyes once again.

“Probably, I just hate seeing her look so sad. Do you think you could say something?” You ask hopefully.

“Me? You know I’m not good at that kinda thing babe.” Rafe mumbles.

“I know but it’s your sister and I’ve already tried.” You pout up at him, knowing you had won the moment he let out a sigh.

“Will it make you feel better if I did?” He asks, finally opening both eyes and lifting his head to see you properly.

You nod your head quickly, a large grin forming on your lips as you lean up and kiss him quickly, “you’re the best!” You slap his chest gently before moving your leg from his to allow him to get up.

Rafe sighs again, rising from his laying position and throwing his legs off the side of the bed, he runs a hand through his hair, pushing the strands that had fallen into his face back into place again. “What do I say?” He asks, looking back at you over his shoulder.

You shrug, offering him a small smile, “I don’t know, just be her brother.”

Rafe frowns at you before standing up and heading out of the room to find his youngest sister. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed her moping around more often than usual but he had hoped you or Sarah would have been able to talk to her, feeling this was more of a girls job than a big brothers job, but he would try his best nonetheless.

He found wheezie sat out back on the swing seat, phone in her lap as she looked out across the lawn, a sad expression ever present on her features.

“Hey, wheeze.” Rafe teases softly as he approaches her, placing his hand on the side of the swing and leaning against it.

“Hey, Rafe.” Wheezie sighs back, “what are you doing here? Don’t you have a girlfriend to entertain?”

“Just checking you’re okay.” He replies, watching her closely for the answer.

“Well as you can see I’m not dead, you can go now.” She rolls her eyes and picks her phone up from her lap.

Rafe chews on his lower lip, wanting nothing more than to retreat back inside to the comfort and safety of his bed but he knew he couldn’t, his sister needed him and he’d be damned if he wouldn’t even try and help her feel better.

Rafe made his way around the swing and sat next to her, pulling the phone from her hands and placing it face down between them.

“Talk to me.” Rafe presses, turning slightly towards her as she huffs in annoyance.

“About what, Rafe?” She asks.

“About you, about what’s wrong.” He offers up.

Wheezie turns to look at him for the first time, eyebrows furrowed, “why do you care?”

“Because you’re my sister, I don’t want to see you like his, c’mon you can talk to me.” Rafe pushes as he leans against the back of the seat.

Wheezie chews the inside of her cheek, watching him closely as if debating whether she should say anything before letting out a long sigh.

“I just...” she lifts her hands and then let’s them drop back into her lap, “I feel like no one ever has time for me. Sarah is always with John b, you’re always with Y/N, dads always doing business and rose is always off with her friends. I’m just the odd one out who gets in the way.”

“Hey, that’s not true,” Rafe frowns and shuffles closer, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder, “you’re not the odd one out and you don’t get in the way. I guess we’ve all just been wrapped up in our lives and assumed you were okay.”

Wheezie looks up at him, eyes watering slightly after her confession, “I don’t want you to be left out.” Rafe assures her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into his side, “I love you, Wheeze. I know I don’t always show it or act like it but I really do. You’re the less annoying sister.” He adds as a joke causing her to laugh softly.

“How about we go inside, we order pizza and ice cream and me, you and Y/N have a movie night? Just us three under a blanket with snacks, I’ll even let you pick the movie?” Rafe offers, squeezing her shoulder.

“You don’t have to do that.” Wheezie shakes her head, wiping the stray tear that had slipped from her eye.

“I want to, it will be fun.” Rafe assures her.

She looks up at him, studying him for a moment before finally nodding, “okay...I get to pick the movie? Any movie?”

Rafe nods, standing up and bringing her with him, keeping his arm tight around her shoulders as they walked back to the house, “any movie at all.” He agrees.

@outerbankslut @scandalousfemale

Hope this is okay anon! I also wrote this on my phone and didn’t proof read so there's probably grammar and spelling errors!

[cornacopicimagines]

best of friends │t.h

pairing: single dad!mob!tom holland x single mum!reader

words: 9k (oh god, i’m so sorry)

warnings: SMUT, swearing, praise kink, oral (female recieving), slight violence, mentions of verbal abuse/ degration & rough sex if you squint

summary:  Theo y/l/n and James Holland are the best friends that only 8-year-olds can get, their parents though are a little less happy with their lives. For James' dad; Mob-King Tom, he can't seem to catch cupid's arrow. Better yet, he refused to even let the stupid cherub let it fly free. For Theo's mum; y/n, it's her confidence that shakes her love life until there's nothing there. So it was meant to be.

a/n: at first i hated this fic (i still sort of hate the first part) but i think it’s really grown on me :)

masterlist

part 2

━━★✼☆｡

y/n smiled as she waved off the last group of kids, the small children giving her tight hugs before running off to their parents. She truly loved her job; she couldn't ask for anything other than the life she has right now but something has always been devoid. Alas, being a primary school teacher with an 8-year-old son can keep you busy enough to forget about your past problems.

"Muuum," Theo dragged on as he danced around one desk lazily, "when are we going home, I've got some cartoons to watch," he said snappily, y/n debated on whether she should call her son out on his attitude.

"Soon, you little devil," y/n replied, still happily dismissing her students. Seeing as most of the kids had gone or having a chat with their parents, y/n took that as a sign to pack up her classroom.

"I think Molly has a crush on me," Theo told y/n with a wide grin on his face. She stared up at him with a matching smile.

"Really, how do you know that?" y/n asked cheekily, she waited for her son's answer but only got a shrug and a sigh. She chestily laughed as she started to pack up her bag. "That's not an answer little man!"

"Ask James, he agrees with me," Theo defended.

"You two have really been making a ruckus in my classroom, I should probably split you two up," y/n falsely threatened as she slipped on a small touch up of her pale red lip gloss.

Theo immediately ran to the front of her desk with sad eyes, "please don't mum, we'll be extra good," Theo lifted his pinky finger to wave in her face, "I pinky promise."

y/n stared down and captured his tiny finger with hers, sealing the deal. As she grabbed the rest of her things from underneath her desk, she heard the small pitter patter of an extra pair of feet.

"Hi, Ms.y/l/n" a soft worried voice called out, y/n lifted her head to see James Holland with his bottom lip trembling and his eyes filling with hot tears not daring to spill over. y/n almost jumped over the desk to comfort the young boy.

"Oh James, what's the matter?" she asked gently as she gently wiped the liquid from his cheeks.

"I was supposed to-to be picked up-p a long t-t-time ago," James told her through stifled sobs. y/n felt her heart shatter with absolute sadness for this little boy. It had been an hour since school ended, his parents must be late. "I was wondering if I could go home with you until my dad or his assistant can come and get me."

y/n knew that James's dad did some shady business. She wasn't dumb; she picked up on everything. Whenever his so-called assistant would come to get James she would always ask what he did to dress so sharply and the blonde would constantly have a different answer or sometimes he would deflect the question altogether. She also noticed the gun that lay hidden underneath his jacket and the small pocket knives around his waist. She never thought too much about it because James was the sweetest kid on the planet and he made Theo thrilled, she would not take that away from him by alerting the police to a threat that she had nothing but a hunch about.

Theo burst into a roar of excited cheers as soon as the sentence fell off James's lips. y/n shushed her son before turning back to James. "As much as both of us would love that, you can't come home with us without your dad's permission."

"Can't you just call him?" James exclaimed as he corked an eyebrow at her, as small blush arose on her cheeks; sometimes she felt dumber than the kids. As school policy goes, y/n must have a small binder with all the parents' contacts in case of emergencies.

"Great idea," she complimented as she quickly went to make the phone call. Her finger skimmed around the book, finding the last name Holland and the first name Tom underneath James's page. She had heard that name before she just can identify where. Either way, she rang and someone answered after a few rings.

"Hello?" a male voice called out.

"Hi, this is Ms. y/l/n," y/n told him sweetly. "I have James here saying that nobody has picked him up yet," she told him.

"Fuck, I knew I forgot something!" the voice shouted, y/n was 99% sure the boys could hear it, "shit, Tom will gut me like a fish," the man sounded worried and flustered with panic and fear.

"Wait, who am I exactly talking to?" she pondered.

"Harrison, I'm Tom's assistant." Harrison rolled the assistant slowly. An obvious diversion that she wasn't idiotic enough to fall for.

"Well, if it makes any difference, Theo and James have just made plans for James to come home with myself and Theo," she spoke quietly. "Would that be okay?"

The line was silent for a second or two before Harrison quickly responded, "Yes that will be fine, someone will pick him up around 6," he snapped at her before cutting off the line abruptly.

y/n stared at her phone for a moment before she stared at the boys with a wide gleam. "You're coming home with us James and its homemade pizza for dinner tonight!"

With that, the pair of boys rejoiced and the three of them walked out of the classroom and towards the exit.

━━★✼☆｡

Tom sat in his impressively large chair, his eyes never leaving the clock that lay between photos of his family and his son James. He had been in meetings all day with people that pissed him the fuck off. All Tom had been looking forward to is seeing his son and spending his time playing with James. But yet, it had been an hour since he should have been out of school, meaning he should have been home 20 minutes ago. There as a few harsh knocks, Tom instantly knew who it was.

"Got some news mate," Harrison told him before he had even entered the room.

Tom let his head lean back and a hoarse groan slips out, "it better be good otherwise, I don't want to fucking hear it," Tom spat, "I've been in meetings all day, just wanna see my son."

"About that." Harrison trailed off. Tom felt his heart stop. He instantly rushed over to Harrison's side. "I forgot to pick James up from school today and-"

"You absolute dumbass!" Tom roared. "Other Mob bosses know who he is. I can't have him walking the school ground by himself he'll get bloody kidnapped!" Tom started to ramble, he hardly ever did such an infantile act. He hadn't rambled since James was left on his doorstep with a note saying he was Tom's son and that was eight years ago!

Tom couldn't help but feel guilt rack his body, a million thoughts ran through his mind and he felt as if he was on the verge of tears, but he refuses to let even one go. Suddenly, he snapped out of it and almost sprinted towards Harrison. His hands clasped around Harrison's collar and brought him in so fast, Harrison's knees buckled at the force and skidded across the hard floor. "If you didn't pick him up, where the fuck is he?"

Tom watched as Harrison gulped loudly. Tom hated getting violent with Harrison, but with the safety of his son. Tom would mow downfield of people if it meant James was alive.

"He is with his teacher and her son. She said that I have to pick him up later," Harrison told him weepily. Tom didn't know if it relieved him to know that his son was with good hands with his teacher, who Tom had only heard good things about from Harrison or that his right-hand man let his son go off with a woman Tom has never met. "Listen, she said they are making homemade pizza and that we are welcome to join her when I go pick James up."

"Hm, pick him up when it is necessary," Tom grunted as he walked off, suddenly much calmer than he was before. Harrison regained his composure and ran to Tom's side.

"No, I think you should go pick him up," Harrison told him. Coming from anyone else, Tom would have their tongue cut out, but Tom felt obliged to let it slide after his recent outburst at Harrison. "I think it would be good for James to see his own father come pick him up for once and it wouldn't hurt to meet Ms. y/l/n," Harrison spoke the last part with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Before you scheme and manipulate your way into making me do something, you know I don't want any woman taking advantage of me- again," Tom hated saying that sentence, he hated giving James's mother the satisfaction that she broke the heart of the world's hardest mobster. That a dancer from a strip club he owned broke the one heart that was never meant to; his. Tom took it as a sign that love wasn't in his card, only single parenthood. Though deep down, Tom wanted someone else, he didn't want to sleep around with expensive strippers and high-end prostitutes for the rest of his life, he would not die with that being his greatest achievement in the sex department. He'd never admit that to a single soul.

"Come on, get back on the horse," Harrison told him gleefully, "She's a nice woman and you've always complained that all the girlfriends you've had since James have hated children, well she works with your son almost every day. There's a fucking jackpot right in front of you, mate."

Tom groaned in disapproval, "How do you even know she's single, she got an 8-year-old son, she's married" he sighed

"You have an eight-year-old and you aren't fucking married you twat," Harrison scoffed, "plus I've never seen a ring on that finger," he held up his ringer finger and swirling it in his face.

"I don't want to do this anymore, Harrison," Tom complained as he smacked Harrison hand away, "I think it's time to give up, my schedule is too busy, I can barely see my own fucking son!" Tom called out as he rested his hands on his hair, "How can I sustain an actual relationship?"

Harrison said nothing but stared at his best friend. To Harrison, Tom looked flustered, angry and tense. Harrison knew that Tom blamed only himself for the misfortunes in his life, even though all the shit that was happening to him wasn't his fault at all.

Tom could see Harrison was pondering at him. He hated it. "If I do this, will you give it a fucking rest," Tom compromised. Harrison looked at him smugly.

━━★✼☆｡

y/n stood at the messy benches of her kitchen, shredded cheese fell everywhere and a three quarterly cut pepperoni stick was about to fall off. A warm and delicious smell over the house from the full oven; it was her favourite thing. Currently, y/n was finely chopping basil and rosemary while the two boys sat at the island table, flour and sauce almost covered the entire table and the power creates a ring around the boys.

"Now, Theo do you want to tell James how to lay the pepperoni to make sure it doesn't get all soggy," y/n asked him sweetly, trusting him enough to not have to turn around completely.

"Yesmum!" Theo called out as if she wasn't in the same room. She chuckled to herself before she dumped the herbs into a bowl and came over to the table, sitting on one of the free chairs.

y/n watched as Theo taught James the perfect placing of pepperoni on the spare pizza. It was if y/n intrigue of James's father had hit an all-time high as she stared at the young boy. Before she taught James, she remembers hearing a lot of rumours about James's father from the other teachers and even other mothers about how he was mysterious and them handsome. She used to giggle at the rumours; she supposed that some lonely suburban housewives concocted the rumours, that they had nothing better to do than lust after the young bachelor because their husbands can find the g-spot.

But now that she is teaching James, the rumours seem to come alive the longer she knows the boy. She can't help but fall into the trap of her primal curiosity because of a stranger she's never even met and that very stranger could deal with a shady past or worse a shady present.

"So, James, how your dad?" y/n asked innocently. James stopped placing the toppings to talk to her (much to Theo's disapproval).

"Oh, he's awesome, I don't get to see him a lot but when I do it's amazing," James squealed happily. y/n cocked her eyebrow at the boy.

"What do you mean, you don't get to see him a lot', doesn't your dad pick you up from school every day," y/n pressed, she knew she shouldn't be asking him these types of questions but she couldn't help it and James seemed happy enough to answer.

"My dad partner picks me up, his name's Harrison, and he's the best," James smiled widely as Theo tried to get him to pay attention.

"So, what does your dad do?" y/n queered again, genuinely interested in James' answer. The little boy scratched his head a bit before shrugging his shoulders in confusion, y/n laughed sweetly. "You know how I work as your teacher-"

"And you're the best!" James cut her off suddenly.

"Thank you, but what does your dad do during the day," she spoke quietly but it appeared James got the memo.

"My dad does deals with people where he shouts at them and sometimes, I see this icky dark red stuff on him, but dad just tells me it's just paint," James replied sweetly unaware of y/n shocked face. Sure, she had her doubts and suspicions, but she never expected them to be true. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. She has the son of Tom fucking Holland in her house, likely without his knowledge. She'd be lucky if Tom leaves her bloody and bruised. y/n didn't want to believe that this angelic and adorable boy has the world's most feared mobster has a father. How the fuck did she not notice the queue with all the bodyguards that come along to pickup time, the expensive stuff that he brings to class and why Harrison is always wearing a very expensive suit just to bring an eight-year-old back home.

"We're done, ma," Theo called her out of her anxiety-driven haze. She smiled sheepishly as she took the pizzas from the boys and put them in the oven. "Are you okay, mum?" Theo asked again as he crawled off the chair and went to throw the scraps in the bin.

"Yes sweetheart," y/n replied shakily. What was she going to say to him, how was she going to explain, how is she going to keep her son safe, what if she-

Ding!

The doorbell rang, the sound almost deafened her. y/n steadied her nerves and walked over to open the door. Outside stood two bulky 6'4" men and a nicely dressed one in the middle. For some odd reason, y/n felt her cheeks heat and her heart rate pick up. The messily pushed back brown curls seemed to fall perfectly in place and frame his face. Massive diamond rings laced his fingers as he slightly tapped at his wrist, that she might add was decorated stunningly with pronounced veins that made her weak.

"Um, welcome," y/n spoke quietly, the man in the middle (who she assumed was Tom) stared at her darkly before stepping inside. The warm lighting of her hallway seemed to illuminate Tom's features y/n noticed the sharp jaw, and she was just able to make out his dark brown eyes underneath the Versace sunglasses. "Hi, you m-must be James's dad, I'm Theo's mum; y/n," she extended her hand to meet his.

Since she opened the door, entrancement seemed to flow through him. Sure, it wasn't romantically at first, but the woman surely intrigued him. She had her hair tucked behind her slightly sauced ears and behind a flour-covered apron seemed to be a tight-fitting red pin-up dress, which he compliments shows off her curves nicely. Tom felt like he had to smile at her, not in a joking way but in a way that he couldn't explain. In a way that he had to smile when he saw Tessa trip over her own feet. It was adorable; she was adorable.

When he heard her speak, it felt like a breath of fresh air had hit him. He felt as if he was in his childhood home again and she was the beautiful nanny Tom would have had a crush on. Tom felt instantly out of place when he walked in. He was so used to the dark setting and furniture of his massive mansion. He was so used to walking the long empty halls and going to bed in a vacantly giant room. Now though, her home felt so cosy. The walls were tight enough to feel warm but wide enough to not squeeze you. The rooms seemed busy with colours and clothes and her kitchen was small but still seemed homey.

In an act of complete defiance to himself, Tom thought he could live here if he wanted, and he wanted to. It was so different from his regularly scheduled life, her home, her arrangement and even y/n herself made Tom feel so out of place that he had to give her all his undying attention as if she was a magnet of everything Tom needed to balance his life. What the fuck is going on with him? So he snapped himself out of it.

"Where's my son," Tom asked her. He tried not to sound like a total dick, but it was hard not to. Tom felt worse when he saw y/n flinch slightly after he snapped, "I'm sorry," Tom has never apologised to anyone other than his son, he has to get his shit together quickly.

"Oh no, it's okay," y/n smiled warmly, the apology from the mobster made her feel a little better about her situation. "James is hanging out with Theo, you're welcome to stay if you'd like," she invited. Tom felt like he had to stay, and it didn't help that when James saw him in the hallway, he started to cry and whine.

Tom immediately ran to his side, but James pushed him away and hugged Theo, which he happily reciprocated.

"No, I'm not going, you can't make me!" James yelled furiously as he turned his back to his father. Tom sighed loudly. He bent down and placed his hand against James's back.

"Come on, little man, I don't want to intrude," Tom explained sweetly, his hand rubbing small circles. y/n didn't know a man such as Tom Holland could speak that softly and sweetly; it made her want to swoon.

"He's not in-intruding Mr Holland," Theo told her quietly. Tom noticed the boy had stumbled over the hard word. He couldn't help but admit defeat and regained his composure.

"Harrison told me you were making pizzas, it's been a while since I've had some well at least homemade ones," Tom announced loudly, "so I guess we are staying."

The two boys rejoice before they made their way back to the TV and left Tom and y/n by themselves. y/n awkwardly made her way to the kitchen, and Tom dismissed the two bodyguards behind him and happily followed her.

As he walked down the hallway, he took slight notice of the different photos that hung on the walls. Most of them were of Theo, one had him in a karate uniform holding a trophy and a toothy smile while another had a photo of y/n and Theo at the park. Tom couldn't help but smile at them. Once more did he have the feeling of need for all of this to be in his life, he wanted more, correction he needed more. He squeezed through her slim doorway and stumbled into y/n's endearingly kitchen.

He had never seen a mess like her kitchen; he saw flour on the floor and sauce on the cupboards. Tom couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape his lips as he sat opposite her.

Tom wasn't an idiot. He could see how scared he was making her just by sitting closer to her. y/n on the other end of the table was almost shitting herself, she could feel her throat becoming dry and tried her best to avoid connecting their eyes even if she desperately wanted another peek at his warm brown eyes.

Tom stared at her with guilt racking his body, "I will not hurt you," Tom told her gently and for some odd reason, he fought back the urge to hold her trembling hand as he spoke. y/n didn't believe him, she knew deep down that this is what he says to his victims before he blows their fucking brains out, until "I promise." Tom had even surprised himself with his words. He has promised nothing other than when he promised his son he could ice-cream for dinner one night, Tom wasn't sure what was washing over him but worse he didn't know if he liked the feeling or not.

Tom waited for her response. He waited for y/n to give him any cue to tell him she felt safe around him. Finally, y/n lifted her eyes to meet his. Tom hadn't really gotten a good look at the door. Her eyes matched her whole persona, it almost entranced him. They were young but filled with such wisdom and knowledge; he didn't know what to do. It was an obvious y/ec, but it was like he was experiencing the colour for the first time in his 27 year life.

y/n slowly lifted her eyes to meet his and Tom's heart jumped into his throat. Never has a woman had this effect on him; it addicted him. Tom spotted a faint smile on her sauce, dusted lips and couldn't help but return the favour. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be this cold towards you," she spoke softly.

"Oh, it's fine. I get it all the time," Tom responded with a small giggle.

"That's awful," y/n immediately protested, her full attention on him.

"What I do is awful sweetheart, it comes with the job," he told her as he leaned back in his chair. y/n pulled back, how could she be so dumb?

Tom noticed her sudden shift in mood and cleared the air, "I don't mean to pry but is Theo's father around, I didn't notice him in any of the photos," Tom asked awkwardly, he genuinely wanted to know but immediately realised his mistake, "or is that not a talking topic?"

"No, it's okay," y/n responded with a light chuckle, something Tom desperately wanted to hear more of, "Theo's dad and I split badly and I haven't spoken to him in years," the memory still haunts y/n but she could only let fragmented pieces out at a time, "Theo has never met his father and I intend on keeping it that way."

Tom's brain started to concoct a sadly romantic fairy tale with both of them but he quickly scolded himself. Suddenly, y/n perked up. She jumped from the table, took one pizza out of the oven, and started to cut it.

"What about you?" y/n asked with her back turned.

"What about me?" Tom responded, nobody has ever asked him that.

"A good-looking man like you with a son has to be married," y/n exclaimed before placing a pizza in front of them both and calling for the boys, giving them their pizza.

"Sadly, no, I'm not married," Tom chuckled as he picked up a piece. "I had James with his mother on a whim I guess." Tom saw y/n cocked her eyebrow in confusion. "That's all I'm letting out." Tom crossed his arms and leaned away.

y/n though leaned in and batted her eyelashes, "No, you got me intrigued," y/n whined. "If you tell me, I will tell you my backstory the next time we meet."

"We're going to meet again?" Tom smirked widely, suddenly pulled into her spell. Tom saw the heat rise to her cheeks and her face scrunch up as she tried to rack her brain for a proper answer. She was gorgeous; he wanted to stare at her face for all eternity.

"O-of course," she stuttered, tripping over her own tongue suddenly. She doesn't know why she's acting like this. Sure he's a godly handsome man that is ticking all of her boxes in a matter of moments but her brain seems to keep forgetting that she's sitting just a few feet away from the King of the English Mafia. A man who could kill her in a second, still she couldn't help the primal attraction that was cursing through her.

Tom held his hand out to her. "All right darling, it's a deal," he spoke lowly. Any logical person would have kept their hand to themselves. Any reasonable educated person would not raise their hand and shake Tom's. y/n was a logical and educated woman, but not with Tom around. So she took his hand in hers and shook slowly.

"Jame's was- how do I say this? Not planned." Tom sighed as he played with the pizza in front of him. "When I first got control over the Mafia. I bought this strip club just down the street. I used to go in there almost every night. I thought if I went in it would make me feel like a true Mafia King. The Mafia King who sleeps with whoever he wants whenever he wants, but I guess I am more of a romantic than I thought. There was this girl, she was interesting, and I found her mesmerising from the second I saw her. So like an idiot I started to see her only, I bought her things, I gave her safety and let her decide in the Mob. I guess one night I forgot to put on a condom and she left me the very next night. Nine months later, James was wailing on my doorstep with a small note saying 'I am so sorry, he's yours and I can't look after him', I still remember the words on that stupid fucking note," Tom felt his voice crack, he peered over to James who was eating his pizza and pretending to fight the bad guys on the T.V, "I adore my son with every fibre in my being but I just wish things were a little different."

Tom swivelled around and saw y/n almost in tears, "I'm sorry," y/n snapped out of her emotional haze and started to wipe away some tears, "I don't know what came over me."

"That's all right, my mum was in tears for days after James arrived." Tom stared down, remembering the feelings of the room on that day, "happy tears."

y/n felt an overwhelming surge of emotion hit her like a truck. She has heard no one talk with such passion. "Wow, that's um-" she blushed, "quite a story."

Tom gave her a weak smile. He noticed the blush that bubbled to the surface of his cheeks. Tom noticed a lot of other things while she sat opposite him. He noticed the small dimples that would peak out if she smiled. He noticed the freckles that perfectly sprinkled her skin. He was sure that if he sat here for long enough, he could count every one of them.

"Is there something on my face?" y/n's concerned voice snapped him out of his lovesick haze. Tom shook his head slightly before y/n took the back of her hand to wipe the non-existing grime off her cheek only to smear sauce all over her.

"Well, now there is," Tom laughed before he leaned over and wiped the sauce with his napkin. y/n came closer to help him reach her but in the process only pushed her cleavage up, causing Tom's chair to slide out from under him. Their faces were so close, y/n felt the warmth from Tom's body wafting and swirling around her as if he was entrancing her. Problem was, she was fully under his spell now.

"Are you going to kiss my dad?" James ecstatic voice called out abruptly. y/n almost fell off her chair just from the pair eyes. Theo was standing just behind James with a smile that matched his friend as they watched their parents compose themselves.

Tom tried to piece an answer to give his son while still leaving his options open with y/n. "None of your business little man," Tom faked growled as he tickled James and Theo's bellies, causing them to run off squealing with excitement.

Tom turned around to face her, the faint glow of the kitchen made y/n look like an angel. He felt overwhelming an urge to fall to his knees and pray to her, but he slid it to back of his mind. Hoping that maybe he could do it soon.

They talked for what seemed like a second but in reality; they had been talking for an hour. Tom would give every cent away just to keep hearing her sweet-like honey voice. y/n as well couldn't get enough of him, the more she allowed herself to open up to him the more she seemed to love his company. He was intelligent, well-spoken and off the record; he was so goddamn attractive. y/n believes she was to go to the nearest church just for having him near her. Still, he made her feel safe. He made her feel something that she hasn't felt since Theo's father left her. It scared her. Her heart picked up and her brain started to overwork itself. He was just humouring her; he would leave her in a heartbeat; he's got rows of women begging to sleep with him, why would he want her?

"Oh god, w-would you look at the t-time," y/n stuttered as she rushed to get him out of the house before she broke down in tears. y/n jumped out of her chair and almost threw the plates into the sink.

Tom stood up in a panic. He was having a wonderful time with her, why was she so eager to get herself alone?

"It's only a quarter to ten," Tom chuckled as he checked the watch on his wrist. y/n didn't want to make him leave. If it were up to her, she would let the kids' sleepover and pull him into her sheets as fast as possible but her subconscious had other plans.

"I'm sure the King of The Mafia has a busy schedule," she replied as she ran to get the boys' plates and get them back to the kitchen. She was right, Tom did have a lot happening tomorrow. He was most likely going to get his hands dirty. He kept his mouth shut on that remembrance.

"Well, how about you come over to mine tomorrow night," Tom suggested. y/n stood dead in her tracks. "I need to repay you for this wonderful night." A blush formed on her cheeks.

She sighed and before she could even let a single syllable out-, "We would love to Mr. Holland!" Theo's voice shot up. His head appeared just behind her with a straight smile. Tom immediately matched Theo's, knowing y/n couldn't refuse the two of them.

"Yes, we would love to and we will-" y/n head dropped, "and we will be there."

Tom let himself fist bump the air as he went to get James off the couch. "How's 9:30 sound, I have some stuff to deal with beforehand?"

"Sounds g-great," y/n sighed. Tom quickly pecked her cheek as he went for the door. y/n turned to him in disbelief.

"Can't wait angel," Tom whispered just before he closed the door. Jesus Christ, he would be the death of her.

"He seems like a nice guy," Theo blank voice rang out. He leaned up against the back of the couch as he raised his eyebrows at y/n suggestively. she gave him a light smack on his arm.

━━★✼☆｡

Tom sat in his chair. The cloud of smoke and the sounds of ragged panting wafted over the room. Percy's head drooped low as he waited.

"Where's your fucking brother Percy?" Tom asked non-nonchalantly. His eyes never wavered off the man.

"Like I told you buffoons before," Percy lifted his head weakly, "I have no clue where my crackhead brother is," Tom glimpsed his prize. Percy's sweaty hair stuck to his head, the crusted blood started to fall from the gash on eyebrow onto his bound feet. Percy stared at him with one eye open; all he could achieve. Tom smiled gleefully.  

"Don't you fucking lie to me, you little shithead!" Tom roared. His hands slammed down on the desk. Everyone to jump. Tom paced around to lean on the front of his marble desk. "I have some very important people coming in about-" Tom glanced at his watch, "10 minutes."

"I will not rat my own fucking brother out," Percy responded defiantly. Tom's patience was thinning with every tick of the clock.

"I don't want to hurt you, Percy," Tom faked a smile, "not tonight at least. So you better make this quicker than me taking a fucking piss." One of his men pulled Percy's hair back, "Where is you goddamn brother."

Percy felt the barrel of Tom's gun roughly shoved up against his temple. He fought back a tear. "Columbia, trying to smuggle your drugs into Ecuador," Percy revealed.

The door swung open to reveal a completely un-phased Harrison. "They're here."

Tom immediately straightened up. "Perfect Timing!" Tom started to his men, "get rid of him." As his men dragged Percy out of his office. Tom straightened his coat as wiped off the dried blood on his chin. Harrison chuckled lightly before Tom ran out.

"They're in the upstairs hallway," Harrison called out, but Tom was already too far gone. 

The massive painting loomed over y/n. She had completely forgotten how powerful Tom was, the matter that Tom commanded respect had slipped her mind. He stood in a black suit. Like something straight out a mobster movie. she giggled to herself at that thought.

"I begged my mother not to have me painted, but she insisted," Tom called out to her. y/n jumped at his voice but softened when she saw him approaching in the same outfit as the portrait.

"Well I think you look devilishly handsome," y/n responded with a wide smile, a smile that made Tom's heart flutter. As he got closer, he noticed the absence of a certain 8-year-old.

"Where's the munchkin?" he asked as he searched around her.

"He's upstairs with James. He took Theo's hand and ran off as soon as we stepped into the door," she laughed. Tom couldn't help but smile along with her. He wondered if she let this side of her out often. Genuinely giddy and joyous. "Do you look at most women like this?" She broke his concentration. y/n stood there with her eyebrow quirked and a smirk plastered on her face. Tom begged whatever god was up there to allow him just a single kiss.

"Only to you, angel," Tom responded, his pearly white teeth shining through a wide smile. y/n's cheeks flustered and her whole face glowed red. He was pushing all of her buttons, wasn't he?

"Come upstairs, I want to show you something," Tom exclaimed as he captured y/n's hand within his. Tom led her up a small flight of stairs and into a large room. The dim bedroom had red plastered everywhere. The carpet was a soft red velvet and the sheet; a luxurious red and black silk. Hell even the walls were painted with a deep maroon. y/n looked over to him with shock. "Dont worry sweetheart, the surprise is outside," Tom chuckled before his calloused hand landed on the small of her back nudging her softly. y/n's breath hitched into the back of her throat.

y/n pushed the glass doors. The dense forest of trees sparkled in the bright moonlight. The faint glow of London's lights dimmed in the background. She knew this might not have been the most aesthetically pleasing view, but it felt more than it looked. The safety and security of the view made her swoon. "Is this a date, Mr. Holland?" y/n smirked as she sat down in the glass chair.

Tom had never heard his last name sound so sweet.

"Only if you want it to be Ms. y/l/n," he responded, quickly trying to conceal his blush.

She stared out for a moment. y/n didn't know why, but she felt like a shy teenager again. A girl sitting next to a hot guy who has no real interest in her. It was nostalgic in some sick way.

They talked for hours. Tom couldn't get enough of her. It was like she was some beautiful drug. A drug so addictive, he's hooked after one night. Every time a laugh surpassed her soft lips, Tom can't help but let his heart flutter. She, too, was quite enjoying herself. y/n let her walls down slowly but surely. The more he talked, the more she leaned. The more she felt as though this was fate. That though was a juvenile thing to even fathom. So y/n wondered what her life would have been if she met Tom before her ex. Would she be happy or would she still be silently crying to herself to make sure Theo didn't hear even a peep.

A curt knock at the door interrupted them. A middle age woman peeked her head in.

"They're both in bed," she spoke happily. "It took a while to get Theo off to sleep though."

y/n giggled, "I'm not surprised."

Tom stared at her for a moment, imagining that Theo and James were their sons, and she was his wife who always seemed to amaze him. Maybe in the near future, he thought to himself.

"Thank you Ms Smith," Tom smiled warmly at her, y/n looked over to him in childlike shock.

"You have a nanny!" y/n poked Tom in his bicep. He gently swatted her finger away.

"Less about me, angel," Tom sighed. "Now, we had a deal," Tom's eyebrow cocked, and a smirk filled his face.

y/n smiled weakly at him. I will need a shit ton of booze, she thought. She grabbed the bottle of expensive wine and poured herself a glass. She gulped it down. Then she poured another one, drinking it down quicker than the first one. Finally, one more glass of wine went down, and she was ready to open her mouth.

"Mind saving a little for me, angel." Tom chuckled lightly, y/n made work getting him a glass (and more for herself wouldn't hurt.)

"Okay, so it was my last year of high school. I had been fawning over this guy since I was twelve. Then, out of nowhere, he's pulling me into empty stalls and telling me he can't be without me and he's in love with me," y/n started, she was cut off by the man next to her.

"How could he not?" Tom quipped as he took a small gulp of his wine. y/n gave him a hard glare as she tried to steal his attention away from the flush of her cheeks.

"Anyway, it took a bit of time but like the idiot I am, I gave in. We went on a few dates; we were happy for a good while. Until those two stupid fucking lines," she felt her voice break. Her head started to feel dizzy. Like it would roll off her neck will the snap of a finger. "Maybe, I was feeling all maternal, and I told him I was pregnant. To my surprise, he stayed with me for my first trimester. He refused to tell his parents, I of course, had to confess to mine. Sometimes I think that was the first red flag. It wasn't until the middle of my third trimester things went downhill. It's normal for women to put on a little weight when they're pregnant. Obviously, he didn't have a fucking clue." y/n felt herself, get more furious and more upset with every word that rolled off her tongue. "He started telling me 'You look enormous', 'I have a fat whale for a girlfriend, 'I wish you had aborted that thing, so I wouldn't have to look at you like this'," She was in tears now, the salty liquid dripped from her cheeks onto her dress. Tom knelt in front of her, his hands rubbing small circles on her knees. "He abandoned me, right when it counted." She started him. Tom felt his heart shatter. "Everyone leaves me Tom."

"I'll never leave you, y/n" Tom reassured her, he took her shaking hands in his. y/n peered down, she shook her head.

"Tom, you don't want me," y/n sobbed, "No one does, it's okay."

"y/n," Tom hovered above her, his palms rested on her warm cheeks. "I want you, more than I have ever wanted something in my life." Their eyes met. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on."

y/n was in disbelief, her hands rested on his wrist. Her cries stopped as soon as she felt his thumb stroking soft circles on her cheek.

Tom still saw that look in her eyes. The look of a woman so broken by a man who never loved her, who took advantage of her admiration. Something Tom needed more than air to breathe. He was making it his mission, that y/n would not leave his home until she finally knew that not only did her son appreciate her, but he did just as much.

So, he took a chance. He bent down and encaptured her lips with his. She tasted like everything, he dreamt of. She tasted like the cakes his mother would make for him on his birthday. She was the breath of sweet excitement when he smelled homemade pancakes. It surprised him he hadn't completely dissolved at this simple touch.

y/n sat in shock for a moment. Her brain tried to catch up to his movements. He didn't move against at first. She pressed into it. Her hands gripping slightly at his wrists as she reciprocated the tender kiss. She, too, felt the satisfaction of knowing what he too tasted like. She took notes of all the little details; the taste of freshly smoked nicotine, the smell of his cologne wafted around her; the pronounced viens in his hands. She was in heaven.

Their lips moved against each other. It wasn't needy or rushed. It was steady and passionate. y/n has experienced a kiss like this in her 24-year-old life. "Take me to the bedroom," she spoke through mousey breathless moans. Tom pulled away completely at this.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of you," Tom told her sweetly, y/n hands caress his cheek gently as she gave him a warm smile.

"You're not taking advantage of me Tom," she stood from her chair, never letting her eyes tear from his, "I want this."

Tom beamed. His hands snaked their way to the underside of her bum, pinching softly. Instructing her to jump, which she happily obliged. y/n could feel him, grasp at her bare thighs. Every time he touched her skin, it burned with sinful passion.

Perhaps it was the one too many wines she had downed in less than a minute or that this was the first man she's really been intimate with since Theo's father left. Either way, her skin felt so susceptible to each kiss her laid on her. Hyper sensitive to every pull at her skin. So responsive to his touches.

Tom took his time laying her on the sheets. He took his time to look at her flushed skin in the dim lighting at how she looked like something sent from God. Why God was sending him something in the first place was a question for later. As he sauntered away from her to lock the door, y/n noticed the decor until the feeling dawned on her. Was she really about to sleep with Mafia King; Tom Holland. She had only one answer- obso-fucking-lutely.

Tom tenderly pushed her onto her back, his face now level to hers. y/n thought she looked as red as a tomato, Tom would agree but wouldn't protest at all. He laid a soft kiss to her lips, then a slightly harder one to her neck, then to her collarbone. His hands snaked up her dress. His fingers clutched her hips, pulling her clothed heat closer to his already painful hard groin.

y/n watched every move he made, every attempt to bruise her skin. Tom whined quietly when his lips met the fabric instead of her flesh. y/n giggled and lifted her dress over head and onto the floor next to her.

Tom couldn't help but pull away to take a glimpse of her. Her flushed breasts hidden behind a plain black bra. Most wouldn't think too much of it, but he couldn't help himself. Tom could see her hardened nipples peeking through the material. He pulled the cup down slightly. Tom heard her hiss quietly at the sudden exposure. His lips came down to the bud gently. His teeth pulling at the erect skin ever so lightly only to flick the nub quickly. Hearing her quiet moans and praises spurred him on. He needed more.

"T-tom please," y/n whimpered quietly, her fingers tangling themselves in his messed brown curls. Tom smirked up at her.

"What are you begging for angel face," Tom asked her innocently.

y/n couldn't get a single word out with Tom's fingers dancing at the skin near her soaked panties. Even dipping underneath them for split seconds.

"Do something, with y-your," she struggled. Tom was enjoying every moment. "f-fingers."

"Your wish is my command," Tom rasped out as he pulled her panties down her legs and got between them. He let his pointer finger paint a long strip up her slit. y/n's hips buckled. "You're so wet doll, being such a good girl."

y/n could only let out a hum. Tom wanted to hear that divine voice of hers, so he blew a wisp of air against her clit making her cry out. He was lucking the boys' rooms where so far from here. "Look at me, I want to see those gorgeous eyes gloss over when I make you cum," he promised as he laid a chaste kiss to her inner left thigh. y/n couldn't wait another moment, she might explode. Slowly her eyes met his. His face was mere centimeters from her cunt.

Tom didn't take a second longer. As soon as her eyes were on him, he went in hard. His tongue latched onto her throbbing clit, pulling and sucking so hard it was audible for the both of them to fawn over. He couldn't forget about the promise he made, so his digits circled her hole delicately before he slipped two of his fingers into her.

y/n felt her whole body go numb. It was a feeling so exotic to her. Yet, here she was. Barely able to make a sentence as she tried to bite back constant moans that begged to be let out. Her toes curled even picking up some sheets beneath her.

Tom could feel her fingers pulled at the roots of his hair. He couldn't but moan against her pussy, causing vibrations in every nerve in her already sensitive body.

"Oh my god, y-yes," She let slip. y/n swears she's starting to see stars now. "F-fucking hell, you're a-amazing."

Tom allowed his fingers to hit deeper inside her with that comment. He was making her cum now, or he will blow without even feeling her yet. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if that happens. He pulled his mouth away from her clit with a loud pop, letting his digits do all the work. He watched her writhe and pull at anything she could grasp. God, she was so fucking perfect.

"Christ, j-just like that," y/n encouraged him, "I'm going to c-cum."

"Do it angel face, cum all around my fingers." Tom whispered to her, "let me taste your sweetness."

y/n felt her first orgasm wash over her like a tsunami. She needed to scream her heart out but quickly smothered her moan in the pillows beside her. Tom peered at her intently. To him, he was watching an angel. Seeing her cum is now his new favourite thing. Being the one to cause such pleasure within her makes him feel as though he's on top of the world. His fingers rode her through her orgasm until she hit the end. Her hair sprawled out as she tried to catch any breath left in her lungs. Hell, she was trying to regain some of her sight. Tom brought his fingers to his mouth. His tongue licked them clean. Her juices tasted like nothing he's ever had before and he immediately knows, there is no way he's letting this go.

Tom stripped himself bare now. He crawled above her once more. His curls falling slightly in his face. y/n opened her eyes to see him on top of her. y/n took this moment to run her hand down his torso. Each time her fingers lapped over a muscle, she felt herself recapture her arousal. Her fingers found the base of his dick.

He was bigger than what she thought, bigger than her ex. It started her a tad when she felt his hard length. She started pumping his slowly. Tom's arms almost buckled at the feeling.

"If you keep doing that, I'm going to cum into your hand," his pulled her wrist away from him to above her head, "and I just want to pound this sweet little cunt into oblivion." The words cause y/n to whimper, eager for him to fulfill his promise.

"Then do it," she leaned up to whisper in his ear. As she pulled back, he locked eyes with her. Utter shock and an animalistic urge filled his every thought. He didn't even give her a warning before he slammed right into her. y/n cried out and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Tom couldn't believe the feeling. She was hugging every vein, every mark, every inch of his cock and yet so was still so fucking tight. He pulled out of her, only to ram back into her. "Fucking hell, you're divine," Tom growled, still deep inside of her. Slowly, he picked up a rhythm.

Every part of y/n's post was filled the brim by him. He hit her g-spot almost instantly. His name became a chant to her as it never ceased to spill from her lips. Each time he pounded back into her, y/n's voice became horse and rougher. Her nails dug into his bag as she clawed for support. Any support she could get from him.

Tom's been with countless women. Now he's finding it hard to sustain a sentence. He can hardly make out anything other than y/n's name. He wasn't complaining though, her tight walls constricting around with every movement. Tom wondered for a moment if he died and went to heaven and was fucking the dirtiest angel he could find.

"You look so goddamn beautiful taking my cock," he praised. He let his head fall into the crook of her neck, smelling her perfume made him almost lose his shit right there. "You feel so good squeezing around me."

Every word was threatening to her. Every word was pushing her closer to her limit. Every word was forcing more moans out of her mouth. "I'm going to cum, Tommy," she warned him.

The nickname only helped Tom lodge himself deeper and harder into her, "I am too, don't hold back angel face," he pressed a kiss underneath her ear.

y/n's second orgasm rolled over more intense the second time than the first. She pulled her head into his skin, biting and pulling to contain herself. Her legs gave out on her and flopped from his waist and quivered beside him. Tom was quick to follow her. How could he not, with how firmly she was gripping his cock. He pulled out quickly and spurted out streams across her belly. The white liquid dripping over her skin made him see stars.

He collapsed next to her, heaving and panting. y/n turned to him. She placed a long kiss on his lips, bringing his face closer. Tom happily hummed against her skin.

He pulled her into a tight hug. Her fingers traced the outline of his pec. "I'm infatuated with you," he told her plainly. y/n didn't move nor did she flinch. She  just stared up at him with a wide smile.

"As am I," she responded quietly. He wanted her to stay here forever, he had admitted to himself that he wanted to be near her for the rest his life. It was like she had cast some spell over him. He, though, had happily fallen for it.

In his eyes, she was a goddess among women.

━━★✼☆｡

[anika-ann]

Of Muffins, Coffee and Other Miracles - Pt.2

Of Coffee, Brownies and-- Frack

Pairing: Matt Murdock x reader        Word count: 2210

Type: Two-shot, reader insert

Warnings: swearing, tons of fluff and cheeky/cute Daredevil/Matt

Summary: You’re a secretary at Landman and Zack, having an office on the same floor as the interns. You notice one of them (which you might and might not have a crush on) seems down lately, so you decide to cheer him up the only way you can come up with. You bake muffins; right after your life is saved by a cheeky vigilante.  

Part 1

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

“Wild night out?” a male voice made you snap from your dozing and you straightened in your chair with a startle.

Oh shit. Oh fuck, you were so fired.

You look up to the man who addressed you, relieved it was only Foggy – one of the interns. He wouldn’t report you, right?

“Uhm… not sure I would call it wild, but… strange for sure.” Not every night you get to be kissed by a vigilante, even if only on your temple.

“It wasn’t drugs, right? Because drugs are bad,” he whispered, looking around for anyone who could hear. You smiled at him tiredly.

“I know. Not… that kind of strange. What can I do for you… Foggy, right?”

“Yes!” he confirmed cheerfully, until his smile fell. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we were introduced. You’re…” he eyed the name on your desk, repeating it dutifully.

“That’s me,” you confirmed with a nod. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh! Right. My friend, Matt, he’s interning with me here, I’m sure you saw him around. He’s… well, blind.” Oh, I did see him around. “Usually, he gets the copies of the files in braille, but today… whoever is the good soul doing it for him forgot or something and… I have no idea where to find a braille printer here and you seem to know your way around…? And you also look like you’re not gonna fire me for asking.”

You found yourself smiling in the presence of the cheerful man. “Only if you promise not to tell anyone that I was basically sleeping.”

“Deal.”

“Thanks. You have the file? I can print it. Honestly, anyone who knows where to find that printer or how to use it wouldn’t have the authority to fire you. Just send it to me and I’ll drop it in your… your…” you stuttered, unsure how to finish that sentence.

“You can say it. It’s a closet.”

“It is, isn’t it? But which one?” you played dumb, because… reasons. You shouldn’t have known where they were, you didn’t need it. Why would you? Yeah, I’m sooo subtle…

“Oh, the one down the hall.”

“Okay. Just e-mail me the file number and I’ll deliver.”

“Really? You’re amazing.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” you laughed nervously. Amazing. You didn’t think – scratch that, you were sure your boss never called you that, and you were saving his life on daily basis; he wouldn’t even sign a paper unless you handed him the pen.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong…” Foggy pronounced, pointing at you. Then he seemed to realize something. “You said not many people know where to find that printer?”

You shrugged. “Not really, I guess. It’s on the fourth floor, but it’s next to impossible to go there unnoticed by people guarding printers and they are bitch to talk to, so if you ever need anything just tell me, I’ll do it for you. I’m sure your life is enough depressing in that… cubicle.”

“Hm… okay, thanks a lot!” He spun on his heels, walking out.

Weird.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

Dropping off the files in the right closet, you were confronted with…  your crush. You might have not realized it before, but… yeah. You were confronted by Matt Murdock himself and you were suddenly very sure you had a crush on this man. Crap.

The thing was… he was his typical self, which meant… really charming. He stood up from his desk when thanking you, learning your name, shaking your hand. He gave you one of the nicest smile you had ever seen, his grip firm, but gentle; you just stuttered when saying ‘nice to meet you’, stumbling out as quickly as possible, shaking your head over your own inability to communicate like a normal person.

One thing you noticed about Matt that day though was that he had a rather angrily looking gash next to his right eyebrow – whether he ran into a door or something else happened, you didn’t know. But you were glad you had baked the previous night, secretly leaving your backup lunch to ease the blind’s man pain.

You were stuck hungry because of that; you couldn’t make yourself regret it.

You were a hopeless case.

And a liar on top of that, because you had said it wasn’t ‘like that’ just few nights before. Perfect.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

It was raining that night, so you didn’t leave a snack for the vigilante who apparently kissed crime victim’s temples. Maybe the next night.

Or never, because he would avoid you forever, realizing that you were as far from his Lois Lane as you could be. Which was probably a good thing.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

You looked up from the screen at the sound of someone knocking. It was unusual – the door was always open, so people normally just waltzed in.

Matt freaking Murdock was standing in that open door, holding his walking cane and a cup holder in one hand, his other hand on the glassy door. You blinked in surprise at the sight. And god, he was such a sight for your sore eyes…

“Anyone in?” he asked carefully and you fought the urge to face-palm. He couldn’t see you watching him – which might be a good thing, considering you were shamelessly staring.

“Yes! Hi, Matt. What can I do for you? Someone forgot to print case files again?” you wondered when you gathered yourself.

He smiled, turning your direction, walking towards your desk.

“Uhm, no. No, I came to… say thank you.”

Did you hit your head in the shower this morning?

“Uhm. You’re welcome, it really wasn’t a big deal.“ You mentally praised yourself for so many coherent sentences. His smile only grew wider.

“Here. Uhm, I was told you were a bit tired yesterday, so I figured you might appreciate a coffee. One’s black with sugar, which should have ‘B’ on the cup, and the other one is vanilla latté with ‘V’. I had no idea which you might like.” He held out the holder for you to choose.

You had definitely hit your head. What the hell? Or rather… what the heaven?

“I… you really didn’t have to do that, Matt. That’s… thank you, but… it was just a file. Anyone would do that.”

You found the V cup, taking it hesitantly as if it could explode in your hand.

“Well, for one, that’s not true, especially here, and… it’s not just for the file,” he offered with a cute smile.

It wasn’t the smile that sent your heart racing. Well, it was, but also the thing he was implying— did he somehow figure out you were his… secret muffin-maker? Well, shit.

“I’m not sure-“

“People by the printers on the fourth floor are next to impossible to sneak by – that’s your words, not mine. Next to impossible, but not completely. That suggests you know how to do it. I imagine the bosses wouldn’t be happy finding out you’re using the printer to write notes for miserable blind interns, so sneaking under radar it is.”

You pressed your lips together, squeezing your eyes shut, cursing mentally. And out loud. “Frack.”  

“So, you know. Thank you. The muffins were delicious. They did make my day much better,” Matt assured you and an unfairly warm feeling spread in your chest. Maybe it wasn’t such a disaster he found out.

“There’s no way I’m finding a way to prove you wrong, is there?” you sighed. “You should reconsider your career choices, you would make a great detective. Glad it worked. I know that muffins can’t fix all the problems of the world, but occasionally, they can save the mood.”

“Not wrong there. I... uhm… the coffee is the best thank you I’m capable of. I hope my debt is paid.”

Well. That made more sense. “You didn’t have to-“

“That came out wrong. I wanted to say thank you, to erase a potential debt, because I was…”

You tilted your head to side, waiting what brilliant end that sentence would have. For once you weren’t the one who apparently didn’t know what to say.

“I was wondering if you would want to go for a coffee sometime? Or a dinner, maybe? Not as a thank you.”

Throw the incapability to speak up back on me, why don’t you. You blinked in utter shock, your knees buckling a little. Come again? “Not… not as thank you. You’re… you’re sure of that?”

“Hundred percent positive.”

You were certain you heard wrong. Which was easily possible given how loud your pulse was in your ears.

“Oh. Uhm… yeah. Okay. Sure. Just… just to be clear, since it’s not a thank you-“

“It’s a date. If you want it to be,” he added quickly, his confidence slightly shaken.

“If I want it to be…” you muttered under your breath incredulously. “Is the sky blue?”

“You tell me, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it last time,” he replied, grinning. He was so not supposed to hear that. Dammit.

“Oh my—… yeah, last time I checked it was still blue.”

“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” He shoved his hand into his pocket, pulling out a phone, holding in out for you. “Would you enter your number in it, please? First name’s enough. I’ll call you.”

You finally set your cup down and took the phone from his hand, still not quite believing this was happening. Your fingers brushed his lightly when doing so, nearly sending you into a cardiac arrest. Jesus.

“Sure. You don’t have a distaste for black coffee right? Because I can totally switch the cups, I haven’t even sipped mine yet,” you mumbled as you were entering your number.

He laughed. “I like black coffee.”

“Noted. And number saved.”

You returned the phone to his extended hand. “Thanks. Dinner or coffee? I would offer a lunch, but the muffins appeared during lunch-breaks, which suggests you’re not leaving the office.”

“Detective, seriously. Dinner?” you asked, unsure.

“Dinner it is.”

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

Dinner it was. And an amazing one. Matt picked the restaurant wisely – nice, but not too expensive, because neither of you were exactly rich (not that it mattered, because Matt was a gentleman who wouldn’t let the woman pay for the food, definitely not on the first date) and that way you could have a dessert without remorse; financial one anyway.

Matt saying that your muffins were better after eating a chocolate brownie was just the icing on the cake of how… sweet he was. He was even more wonderful than you had thought, but despite becoming a lawyer and working between the sharks, he was a down-to-earth person. Not playing any… leagues. And you had fun. His sense of humour was refreshing and he was apparently more than capable of smiling and laughing as cheerfully as his friend. He was a freaking sunshine and you found yourself drawn to the warmth and light like to a magnet.

He walked you home, looking almost disappointed that the night was ending, which was a sentiment you shared wholeheartedly.

“If I wasn’t so full, I would invite you upstairs. I have muffins,” you whispered as his hand travelled up your arm, wavering in the crook of your neck and he leaned closer to you.

The corners of his lips rose a little higher at your note and you were honestly regretting he was still wearing his dark red-tinged glasses. You would like to see his eyes to complete the picture.

“Well, I would say I’m sorry, but I’m actually glad. I… I really enjoyed tonight. I wouldn’t want to screw up.”

You could tell he hesitated, his thumb caressing your neck in silent question. You leaned in as well. ”I can’t really imagine you screwing it up, Matt, no matter what you would do. Unless you‘d wake me up now.”

“Is that a permission?” he breathed out an inch from your lips.

“It’s a plea.”

He met your lips softly, retreating too soon.

“Please, don’t wake me up,” you mumbled, not sure you wanted him to hear it.

“This is a goodnight kiss,” he reassured you lowly, kissing you again, caressing your lower lip and making your knees unfairly weak. “We’ll work our way up to a good morning one. If you’d like.”

You brought your hand to the back of his neck, keeping him close just in case he was getting any ideas and you returned the kiss, nibbling on his lips just a little. He let out a content sigh, his fingers tangling in your hair, his body shifting closer to yours.

“Probably sooner than later,” he mumbled against your mouth, making you smile and hum in agreement. You added ‘excellent kisser’ to the mental list you were making about him. Hot. Sweet. Gentle. Funny. Smart. Ray of sunshine. Gorgeous smile. Likes black coffee and my muffins. Never should stop kissing me.

He met your lips for the last time, withdrawing with a smile, his thumb running over your jaw.

“Goodnight,” you whispered, licking your lips to savour the taste of his own.

He pecked your temple lightly, wishing you the same.

‘Familiar,’ you added to your mental list and your heart, fluttering until the moment, started hammering in your chest wildly. Familiar voice, familiar smile, familiar gestures-

No, no, no, no, no. That was ridiculous. You were projecting again, you were-

“Clark?” you chocked out, perfectly aware of how stupid it was, expecting Matt to shoot you a puzzled look and ask you about your possible ex or something.

Except Matt did no such thing. Instead, he froze and said just one word that meant you were somehow, in some impossible way, right.

“Frack.”

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

Matt Murdock Masterlist

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

It’s silly and I’m grinning when writing it and posting it and I’m most definitely sure that this cliff-hanger is the end and it’s all up to you to wonder what happened next ;)

Thank you for reading :-*