#like Van Helsing literally just fucking told you it was vampires

[draculasweedsmokinggirlfriend]

Seward really thinks he's so fucking smart but he literally cannot connect the dots right in front of him.

The dots look like this

[rachentp]

Dear Amelia,

I have been asked on occasion if my profession involves writing and it does. Just not creatively or with the purpose to entertain. As an auditor, if anything it's quite the opposite. But really, who even reads for fun anymore?

Anyways… I had an interesting conversation with a stranger a few weekends ago and I guess that's where this all starts. She sweetly complimented me and said I have a way with words and even though I don't professionally write creatively, if I happened to write something, she would most definitely read it. So, Sweet Stranger (who I'll recall fondly now as Amelia), this one's dedicated to you.

Having gone to an open house nestled in the suburbs near California State University of Sacramento (CSUS), not that I'm in any position to buy a house right now, I was on a kind of in-and-out mission. So when Amelia started to tell me about the features of the home, I was a bit standoffish. But she caught my attention when she said something to the effect of, "Can I give you some X advice?". I don't remember the word she used or even the phrasing exactly, but it was mostly her tone that gave me pause. It was, I don't know. Frank. What I intuited was, "You probably don't want to hear this, but if you're open to it, I'll tell you and not for any other reason than to be informative".

Because of this intuition, I later told her in passing conversation the exact reason why I am not in a position to buy a house right now: I was still waiting for the house that I primarily owned (with my ex-husband as the co-signer who is henceforth referred to as "Schad") to close and would be receiving a sum of monies at that time.

Naturally, we bonded through conversation as women may about the audacity of the the modern man. We heartily laughed about the nuanced way they can gaslight and manipulate us into doing pretty much anything under the pretense of "normalcy". Our voices got softer as we talked about how they use our children as leverage without any seeming thought about how it would affect our family dynamic. I sardonically mimicked classic, hysterical court hearing scenes between the ex and I, "But I have spousal rights! Even though I make more than her, she needs to continue to support me living in the house I kicked her out of".

What broke my heart about this conversation is that Amelia told me she observed their child (after their dad left) laughing wholeheartedly for the first time. To the point where the child had stitches in their side. Apparently, she had never seen them laugh like that before… Only after the toxin was removed could a child feel free to laugh so hard that it hurt.

And oddly, I am laughing deliriously - similarly to Amelia's child, but different - at the fact that I could ever imagine this, silver-tongued-Prince-of-the-literal-Family-Court-room to have any modicum of empathy. Schad says, "I am an ISTJ… like 100%, which suits me just fine", and I literally roll on the floor laughing… as if the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator used by the CIA to identify potential suspects would conceal his also 1,000% abusive narcissism and in all probability clinical sociopathy. If Schad were to ever take an honest look in his mirror, he'd break psychotically into a million pieces. He'd realize the litany of abuse he's inflicted not just on the three of his ex-wives (I am the third). Like Dracula, he'd realize the truth - he is a fucking vampire. Thousands of lives lay at his feet ruined, destroyed, forever changed… deranged. Except this one…

Because at this point in time, I don't regret it. Any of it. Ultimately, all of this made me (us) a Van Helsing. I will hunt his kind till the end of my mortal life. I recognize the signs now. I can see it so clearly. Where other people see a charming, charismatic, even desirable man, and bend to his every whim… I know what his kind really fucking is. I don't have stakes and I don't employ the Lord to protect me. But I do have words and independent thought. And those can be just as, if not more deadly. Honestly, the best way to eliminate the Schads of this world is to forget them. To heal from them. To not waste another thought regarding them.

They showed us happiness and rainbows, but they also showed us beauty in darkness. And at the end of that darkness… "a new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why."

Thank you, Samwise. I understand now.

[yallemagne]

Since I can't just say "I agree" like a normal person---

YEAH LIKE???? JGRIPOERG

anyway, read more bc people get upset whenever I actually delve into real critique of this novel and its characters and writing. Also spoilers ahead.

Van Helsing... really is... go on girl, give us absolutely nothing!! When Mina's kicked out after doing all the heavy lifting, Jonathan carries the entire team on his back with the impediment of being unable to speak to his wife, and VH just stands there and says bullshit. I've teased Arthur and Quincey for dicking around, but that was just clearly poor planning on Bram's part. "Oh. They're out. Investigating." Why do we get no results from that "investigation"? Obviously, they just went out on a couple dates instead of working. At least Jack has a day job. VH has nothing better to do than to brag about how smart he was to stupidly leave Mina out, whine to the Harkers about Renfield not liking him, and nod and say "I agree with your ableism, Friend John" whenever Jack takes a break from abusing his patient to talk to him.

And then, after he's massively fucked up and it's literally all his fault and he hasn't even had the decency to admit he was wrong, VH has the audacity to kick Mina and Jonathan out without even asking them. Because he doesn't actually think that he made the wrong decision, apparently he just thinks he should have left Mina with a chaperone. And Jonathan is baffled by this. What the hell!! He knows that no one will listen to him, so he resolves to ask Mina if this is okay with her or if they're together on this. VH lets him go despite Jack's objections because he anticipates Mina being conveniently on his side once more. He is not ready for her to say no to him.

I would have loved it if VH finally fucking took a step back. But he didn't, and that's why I'm not fully convinced when people say "VH's actions are punished!! the narrative doesn't approve!!" because VH never faces any personal repercussions for dooming Mina. In fact, he gets promoted to being the team's Pope with all those reverent hand kisses Jonathan and Mina keep giving him every time he says something half-sweet. I think Bram really got carried away with VH. Mina is too a self-insert, but Bram decides she simply MUST take a backseat to Van Helsing: the man. Bram spent so much time on VH's phony not-Dutch dialect, he needs to milk it for all its worth!

And The Mentor dying is a trope... (happened in Phantom Blood, a famously good Dracula adaptation... and Stardust Crusaders, another famously good Dracula adaptation--), but I feel like it wouldn't be too much of an eye-roll here. Maybe someone should have told Bram to kill his darlings...

“Any last words, old man?” “God bless you.” Cue him slapping the Son right in the fucker’s face. He doesn’t last long after that, but it’s still a good view to go out on as the Vampire curses and sizzles.

By god, See, you should write this. I'm shaking, it's just so perfect. Having VH's last words be so *gasp* laconic would be poetic as well. VH leaves a couple notes for Jack in case he dies already, it just goes to show that his Mentor status isn't the only death flag he carries.

He certainly is not a bad character. However, I do believe he'd be a stronger character if he took a step back. Maybe... several steps back. It would also strengthen the novel as a whole because Arthur and Quincey would be able to take their much-needed steps forward, and the spotlight would be back on our main narrator trio.

Van Helsing Venting (Vent Helsing)

Requisite apology goes here: I am sorry in advance to everyone with a soft spot for the funky old man.

But the reread combined with the podcast has helped put into focus an aggravation that has been nettling me forever without quite knowing how to articulate it.

I’ve brushed the edges of it more than once in several rants about how the Harkers are so constantly given the short stick in every single adaptation of Dracula for a hundred and a quarter years.

Jonathan is either erased, made into a bore, a brute, or unceremoniously killed off while all the amazing character traits and actions he’s responsible for in the story get stolen away and parsed out to others in the cast, often Dracula, Van Helsing, or [INSERT FEMALE THROWN INTO THE CASTLE TO BE BRIDAL CARRIED TO BED HERE].

Mina is alternately a feeble damsel who’s only there to be the pure maiden who gets to live through her seduction*** by Dracula (versus the suddenly scandalous-and-salacious Lucy), or a hashtag girlboss (reincarnated wife syndrome applied as desired) who divorces or otherwise abandons her milksop husband to hook up with a REAL MAN like DRACULA who sexily sex-liberates her. With sex. That she totally for sure wanted along with the bloodsucking.

But on one thing, the Harkers are equal—they never. Ever. Ever. Get to be the true protagonists of any Dracula adaptation, or spinoff, or offshoot, or revamp, et cetera.

This, despite Jonathan being the one to spend the most time with Dracula, alone, in his gothic horror novella of an opening, for Two Months, in which he got the most interaction and dialogue with the Count out of anyone else in the book.

This, despite him and his diary and his love to the point of blasphemy and his nerve and his kukri all being instrumental for the novel to work.

This, despite Mina being the one to literally compile the entire novel out of the transcripts it’s stitched from.

This, despite her connecting the dots to oust the bastard and showing immense courage all on her lonesome in confronting the Count for others’ sake more than once.

But why?

For the longest time, I was ready to grind my teeth and grouse over the obvious reasons of Jonathan and Mina Harker being so gloriously subversive then—and now!—that writers and directors of a certain sneering bent refused to acknowledge anything of their characters beyond the names when slathering their latest cookie cutter vampire bodice ripper with Stoker’s cast titles. The Harkers’ approaches to gender, to heroism, to defeating a villain whose entire role is being the worst of the Gothic Masculine Monster who bullies and preys upon pretty victims to collect for himself (hello harem and power fantasy combo, let’s make THIS guy the ultra-cool totally misunderstood sexypire star of the show!) all chafe against the mental rewrites too many filmmakers and writers make to turn the novel more palatable to their tastes. Assuming they read the book at all.

And that’s all its own pile of rants. But I’ve realized, only now, that this is just part of the problem. The other issue stems from Bram Stoker himself.

That issue being the conversion of an otherwise tight narrative and set of primed protagonist characters into the Abraham van Helsing Show.

I don’t know what it was about today’s entry specifically that made it all click home. Maybe it was already percolating since yesterday, or the day before. But somewhere in Van Helsing’s latest filibuster of dialogue—‘We must share everything! No, wait, tell her nothing! We must make all haste and not lose a moment! Let me turn five minutes’ worth of information into a monologue about bloom and blood and then suggest we all take a siesta on our laurels since we definitely have time to beat the Czarina Catherine! Jonathan, you stay at home with Mina while me and my non-questioning ducklings/the others who don’t really need lines anyway take care of the problem, doctor’s orders! And all my orders are followed, unquestionably, every time, despite them very clearly having only a 50/50 success rate, as is right!’—it all really hit me.

The moment Van Helsing turned into the never-doubted, never-need-apologize, yes, do kiss his hands like a fucking mafia godfather in gratitude for Doing the Things He Should Have Known to Do in the First Place After Lucy, ‘leader’ rather than ‘the lore collector/mentor’ is when the novel turns on its heel and starts breaking its back to accommodate him at the expense of everyone else.

The Harkers get it the worst, naturally.

Once they arrive in Purfleet and the documents are handed over, Van Helsing leads the pack in peer pressuring them into sequestering Mina away as their cheerleader who Need Not Suffer the Icky Horror of -checks notes- finding boxes. Not sent away anyplace safe and guarded by home rules and garlic and crosses; just left to Yellow Wallpaper her days away in the asylum suite.

Meanwhile, Jonathan proves to be literally the only useful member of this group project via hauling ass all over London to gather information to bring back to the table…which Van Helsing then oh-so-helpfully disseminates on top of the obvious point that, hey, yeah, there’s probably boxes there. We should do Wafers about it.

Now, in fairness, Van Helsing was a vital character up to a certain point. Jack called him in for his broader expertise, for how open his mind was as far as what he was willing to investigate or believe as a threat. Without him and his lore collection in Amsterdam, a lot of the details regarding anti-vampire tactics and Dracula’s history lesson wouldn’t have come into play. All this, plus providing the hideous proof of the Bloofer Lady’s reality, making the last three nonbelievers into members of the Drac Attack Pack. Last but far from least, he helps reassure Jonathan to free him from his crushing self-doubt, and then brings in both of the Harkers to create the full group. Fuck yeah!

All that considered, it does make some sense for him alone to give his little seminar on the Dracula Issue…

…except for the fact that Mina has absorbed and transcribed all the info herself. Literally all of it. And the fact that Jonathan personally knows the fucker. All three of these characters should have been at the head of the table, sharing what they know.

But they weren’t. It’s starting to become all about Dr. Abe—because that’s how Stoker keeps his OC self insert in the lion’s share of the spotlight.

This is also when Van Helsing is fresh off the nightmare with Lucy, fresh off of acknowledging that there is literally no reason at all to keep vampire secrets from anybody in this room, fresh off of being oh so thrilled with Mina’s helpfulness and canniness, fresh off of what should have been him learning his lesson and—in open-minded fashion—cutting off any benignly sexist chivalry at the knees to keep Mina in the loop and share the mastermind role.

And what does he decide?

Off to the tower, princess. It’s man work time! Man work here meaning: Investigate some scary dirt. Some rats are there. Everyone break up some Christ crackers, men. Thank God Mina isn’t here to suffer this, amirite? Oh, and Jonathan, be a dear and gather all the information on Dracula’s locations and properties while me and the others…do whatever. Read? Smoke? Something. Anyway, attaboy, such a good hard worker you are, Only Non-Titled Fresh-From-the-Lower-Class Man in the Group!

And then, after October 3rd?

He’s horrified. He’s upset. He’s King Laughing about Dracula’s good meal and within inches of being kukri’d. But you know what he isn’t?

Apologetic.

Oh, he says sorry for the crack about Dracula eating well—but all the actions that led up to the attack? Not a peep.

And when he falls right back into the ‘withhold as much information as possible until it’s time for a Big Specialboy Meeting and my Big Specialboy Corn-flavored Monologue of the Day, in which I’ll give more orders with full expectation that everyone here will hop to it like good little student-soldiers because the author says we can only follow me me me?’

The only saving grace is that Jonathan—not even Mina! JONATHAN!—finally puts his foot down and refuses to chase the stick without conferring with Mina first. Mina, who has always taken precedent to him, period, but also Mina, who has proven herself to be the soundest mind in the entire group and already well aware of the dangers Dr. Abe has been rambling about and trying to be oh-so-covert and sneaky about with Jack.

On that subject? Van Helsing is STILL living a fantasy world where he, and occasionally Jack, are the only ones who can put 2 and 2 together and consider taking anti-vampire measures against Mina.

When everyone has already read everything.

When Mina knows exactly what the risks and measures are.

When Jonathan ‘Would Sell His Soul for His Love and to Slaughter Dracula’ Harker knows all of this.

WHEN EVERYONE HAS EYES THAT CAN ALSO SEE MINA’S TEETH.

Brammy Pajamas. Bramothy Stokerton. Bramward Stokerbroker. My guy.

Your OC, by your own text’s rules, is not special here. He is not the protagonist. He is not the extra-clever center of the narrative’s universe, per your own fucking writing. Stop forcing this man and his refusal to evolve from his preconceptions and his main character pedestal-theft and his goddamn corncobs down our throats.*

*Note: This will not happen.

The one silver lining yet to come will be that Jonathan and Mina get to roughly shoulder their way back into the story’s forefront by the book’s climax. In a huge way. Jonathan even gets an upcoming scene in which he gets to finally, rightfully, chew Van Helsing to ribbons for casually declaring a Certain Horrifying Action has to be taken (Again! No questions asked! No explanation offered until after said chewing-out!) and the narrative treats this as the right move!

But still. Still. Van Helsing is showered with Stoker’s overblown attention to a character that should have had his influence and dialogue whittled down to a supporting role rather than crowding out the Harkers for two whole thirds of the book, complete with them batting their eyes at how brilliant~ he is for much of it.

Despite.

The facts.

In The Text.

That Mina and Jonathan could have led the the whole fucking thing themselves.

We’ll see in later chapters that Mina is ONCE AGAIN the one to figure out Dracula’s plans ahead of time and set everyone on the right course. Jonathan is ONCE AGAIN the one laser-focused on seeking and slaying the Count almost on a supernatural level. On top of all that? What galls me almost as much as the Harkers being robbed of their story spotlight IN THEIR OWN FUCKING STORY?

If Van Helsing hadn’t been one-man-showing the bulk of the dialogue to make sure Brammington got to wave his self-insert around as much as possible?

We could have let Jack, Arthur, and Quincey be actual presences in the book. Jack has a big role! Absolutely! But even he gets relegated to an orbiting figure rather than an active one once Van Helsing starts hogging the pages. Arthur is practically reduced to a mutely mourning money machine. Quincey gets a few moments to remind everyone Hi, Yes, I am a Cowboy. And that’s it.

THAT’S. IT. FOR ALL OF THEM.

Hell, even Lucy and Renfield get whittled down to wisps of dialogue compared to the whole trees’ worth of lines Van Helsing rattles off.

All because Stoker couldn’t bear to let Van Helsing be the character he should have been.

The support. The guide rather than the commander.

Star Wars isn’t about Yoda, but it wouldn’t be the same without the wise little weirdo! That’s what Van Helsing would and should have been great for! But no!

I see now that I owe at least one small retroactive apology to those movie makers and spinoff writers who try to spin Van Helsing as the very real definite archnemesis of Dracula despite the fact that they have exactly two (2) scenes together and no dialogue. It’s not just the cool name. It’s not just because all of the (frequently male and/or Dracula-crushing) directors and writers refuse to acknowledge Jonathan Harker’s existence or importance.

It's because Stoker himself damn near choked his own book to death with the old man’s screentime, backed up by an utter refusal to let the narrative or the characters acknowledge when he’s fucked up. He always has to be the wise scholar. He always has to command the room and the story when neither of them belong to him.

I’d genuinely like to see one of two adaptations in the future.

In one, we could see a Van Helsing who, following October 3rd, chooses to step back. One where he and others logically point out that he has misled everyone with forced unnecessary ignorance and following stodgy hindering social rules, again, and it has doomed someone precious to them, again. One where the Harkers finally get proper center stage, likewise for the Suitor Squad—the latter of whom are written in canon as having a legit history of dangerous adventures undertaken together. Flesh those out, writers! Let these characters be present in their own fucking story! It’d be a golden opportunity to highlight a point Stoker fumbles even as he champions so many other forward-thinking notions:

Sometimes the older generation has to let go of the reins. Sometimes progress doesn’t come just from following and nodding along, but from forging ahead with new concepts and fresher minds. Case in point, Mina and Jonathan, who are apparently still too radically-written to be bothered with depicting accurately in the 21st century apart from a podcast that is literally just reading their lines verbatim.

The other option an adaptation could take? Supposing it really wanted to lean into the horror and heartbreak and forcing the ducklings to stop grasping at the Dutchman’s coattails?

Kill Van Helsing.

Dracula would absolutely think to target him, assuming that he, the elder with his acquired lore and scholarly nuisance, must surely be the keystone keeping his young enemies together. Given the chance, he’d follow that assumption to its conclusion and, on top of burning what he assumes is all the documentation on him, murdering his fellow clever old man in cold blood, ala Renfield. Bonus points if this comes at a bittersweet cost of Van Helsing landing a parting blow on the Count as thematic penance for ‘failing’ Mina, the second young girl who trusted him and paid for it, giving the bastard his second scar to match the shovel blow on his brow. Double bonus if the mark comes from a Wafer burn.

“Any last words, old man?”

“God bless you.”

Cue him slapping the Son right in the fucker’s face. He doesn’t last long after that, but it’s still a good view to go out on as the Vampire curses and sizzles.

And, natch, he will have been wise enough to leave another memorandum for Jack and the others just in case this very thing should happen. A rousing farewell speech, some parting intel, some apologies made. Perhaps a more personal goodbye to his pupil; complete with Jack’s professional mien cracking like glass and the long-put-off tears finally pouring. Then, finally, the crew move forward as one; no longer leaning on or chafing against Van Helsing’s assumed lead, but using the exact same tools they’d always had at their disposal, along with their own wits that the narrative forced them into ignoring in favor of the Professor’s lectures.

Anyway.

Van Helsing is not a bad character. He’s richly made and interesting, as any worthwhile member of a cast should be! But Stoker crammed him into the wrong role and spread him far too thin across the whole book. Doing so has been detrimental not only to all the media which followed it, but to the actual leads of the novel.

[vickyvicarious]

why are you people hyping up jonathan harker he was fucking useless LMAOOOOOOO

just on the background while the doctors always did actual work and had insight and schemes and godalming and morris used their $$$

meanwhile he just fell on his knees crying I DEFY YOU STARS OH MY DOOMED LOVE

Oh, anon. I know I probably should just ignore you. However, I first of all find this ask very funny, and secondly you are giving me a golden opportunity to brag about my boy, here. I'm definitely gonna take it.

Behold - an incomplete list of things Jonathan Harker has done:

survived for months alone in Dracula's castle, maintaining a delicate balance of not rocking the boat too far and getting killed, but never giving up fully/seizing every chance to try and learn more or find a way out (letters, wall-climbing, etc.)

the only person to harm Dracula (shovel scar) and live (the only others were Renfield and Quincey, both of whom died the same day). the only person to hit him more than once (shovel, cut his coat open, sliced off his head). one of the two people who killed him (sliced off his head if you missed that one)

escaped by climbing down a castle wall and fleeing on foot through mountains full of wolves, without any warm clothes

was the person to recognize Dracula in London, and to direct the group to Carfax

did literally all of the footwork required to track down Dracula's boxes. began this task on his own without being given direction, and was well underway on it before even linking up with the others. (insight!)

bribery! lots of bribery! using his own inherited money at least part of the time ($$$!)

also, lied to/tricked various sources that he was either still Dracula's attorney, or utilized Arthur's status, to get information (schemes!)

suggested to a surprised Seward that Renfield may be reacting to Dracula and is "a sort of index to the coming and going of the Count." (insight!)

was van helsing's biggest primary source confirming what his research said about vampires, as seen in big speech day when he told everyone 'vampires do this (as seen in Jonathan's diary)' like five separate times

was the first to move to attack Dracula on October 3 (at his house not the asylum), galvanizing everyone else into action

um, kinda a big thing that he never considered his love doomed? like. yeah. willing to go to hell/become a vampire himself to stay with Mina. willing to doom everyone else for his love if necessary but never to give up on that. fell on his knees (I'll grant you) immediately... to comfort Mina when she felt unclean. set aside his immediate impulse towards revenge in order to comfort her first.

but also. very much willing to act to prevent such an outcome? urged everyone else to get on the move so he could go kill Dracula for everything he'd done?

nonetheless, didn't put his personal catharsis/revenge above the goal. was willing to take a backseat for the sake of success in the initial plan and just play guard rather than insisting on being the one to stake/behead him.

...honorable mention again for beheading him anyway in the end. Jonathan literally killed Dracula, bud. (fucking useful!)

I love all the main characters, and am not interested in devaluing anyone's contributions. The doctors are very smart (among other things) and important. Arthur and Quincey are very rich (among other things) and important. Mina, who you failed to mention, is extremely clever (among other things) and important as well. Jonathan, surprise surprise... is also all of those things!

And I love him. He's been my favorite character since my first time reading this book long ago. I (don't actually) regret to inform you that Dracula Daily has only increased that love, as well as vindicated it by seeing many other people agree that he's a great character really screwed over by adaptations, and thus even if I were generally inclined to feel upset about these kinds of messages, this'd still miss the mark. Rather, I thank you for the opportunity to reflect on some of the many ways Jonathan was an integral part of this vampire-hunting team.

[spider-xan]

I understand why people are frustrated that Van Helsing still hasn't come out and explicitly said that Lucy was killed by a VAMPIRE! and being resurrected as one, and several people have written great posts from a literary criticism perspective engaging with the text to explain why, and what the potential consequences and reactions would be if he did right now. However, I think people are overestimating how readily both Jack - the novel's embodiment of modernity, rationality, and science/technology - and Arthur, who's basically having an emotional breakdown right now, would accept a major paradigm-shifting revelation rooted in folklore that, at best, is only supported by circumstantial evidence at this point in the story.

Imagine a close friend of yours develops a chronic illness where they slowly deteriorate over time. You call in a specialist to make a diagnosis and manage her treatment, after regular doctors were completely stumped as to what the cause or disease is. Since this noted specialist is greatly respected and comes highly recommended by someone you trust with your life, you trust him through the process, even though you're not sure what's going on and some of his methods are unorthodox. It's frustrating he won't tell you more, but he assures you that he has a good, definitely scientific reason for it, even if he can't reveal things just yet, and it's not like you have other options.

Then the treatments fail, your friend dies, and you still don't know what the cause was. You're having a breakdown over her death, on top of all the other tragedy in your life. As you try to move on or deal with all of this, the specialist finally takes you aside, as he has very important information to tell you regarding your friend's death:

"Your friend didn't die from a disease — she was killed ... by SLENDERMAN!"

Or substitute aliens, the chupacabra, jiang shi (Chinese zombies who feed on qi), etc. If you were in Arthur's position, how would you honestly react? Would you really be like, "Holy shit, that explains everything! Thank you, sir!"? Or would you be like, HOLY SHIT, you mean to tell me that this entire time, my friend's medical treatment was being guided by urban legends the specialist read about on the internet?? How much fucking medical malpractice happened??? Was this part of the reason why she died?? If the reveal had come out while she was still alive, would you have been comfortable with keeping this guy on as a specialist, or would you feel betrayed and demand a new doctor? People in real life have rightfully called out doctors for far less than being told a supernatural creature was the cause of an illness or health condition.

WE know that vampires are real in the world of the novel. WE know Van Helsing is correct, and that all the signs we've seen so far are proof of literal vampirism. NONE of the other characters directly involved with Lucy right now are aware they're in a world with real vampires - they think their world is ours, where they're not real; even Quincey, who is more open-minded, was talking about very real vampire bats, not actual vampires. In not telling Jack the reason he wanted to cut off Lucy's head, Jack can assume Van Helsing has a good reason based on science he can trust. A good question to ask right now is what WOULD be undeniable proof that vampires are real, in order for people to believe and follow Van Helsing without further questions or thinking he's lost his shit entirely.

[qqueenofhades]

1of 3) feel free to ignore this, but I'm doing Dracula Daily (never read it before) and I have a lot of feelings/thoughts and seeing as you've read it, I hope you don't mind if I rant a bit. I really want to shake Van Helsing until he starts telling people stuff. Like I can kind of get him not wanting to tell Seward that it's a vampire so he doesn't seem crazy and get institutionalized, but at some point, he should have told him anyway, or just made it clear that Lucy needs watching every night

2of3) and not just depend on telegrams/letters to tell him to watch her. But then she dies, and still instead of telling anyone what's going on, he just tells Seward that he needs to get him some surgeon tools so he can remove her head and heart (because talking about needlessly (at least to Seward) removing body parts of a corpse makes way more sense then mentioning a vampire and definitely makes him seem sane). He even talks about how they need to work together as one and need trust, of 3) and it's like my dude, have you even once considered how much easier it may be for people to work together with you as one, to trust you when you need it, if they have even a slight hint of what's going on? Personally if someone asks me to do something odd/hard/weird etc. I'm much more likely to do it, or at least complain less, if I know the reason besides a 'I'm so-and-so and you should do what I say' reason. Again, sorry for the rant.

Hush now. Of course I am delighted that people have so many feelings about a 19th-century classic horror novel that they want to come shout in my inbox about it! This is exactly why I love Dracula Daily as a concept, and think it's really clever. Everyone kind of.... already knows Dracula by cultural osmosis (he's a vampire! He has a swoopy dark cloak and he can turn into a bat! He sneaks around and Vants to Suck Your Blud!) but they are discovering they don't actually know many details about the text, and that modern adaptations have often totally slaughtered it in the aims of making it Sexy or otherwise introducing themes/readings that are not necessarily present in the original. So yes, I have read Dracula before, but I'm still really enjoying seeing the way Tumblr has gone ape for it and are all indignantly signing up for the Lucy Westenra and Mina Murray Defense Squad and drawing fanart and making memes and dropping casual references to the "polycule" and so forth. Yes.

Anyway, I wrote this post the other day discussing how everyone's over-reliance on traditional social conventions, and trying to follow the rules of how to be Good Victorians, has totally fucked them over. The whole point of what's going on is that they all keep trying to act like it's a normal situation and they need to be Decorous and Proper and Not Alarm Anyone, and like... that's the exact sort of thing Dracula feeds on (literally and metaphorically). Because he's weaponizing their extreme middle-class Victorian Englishness against them, where they can't talk to each other and they can't discuss how they feel and they can't be honest, all for fear of Offending Protocol, they're screwed. They can't coordinate, they can't do anything that might long-term help, and there is of course an interesting subtextual queer reading here, considering that Bram Stoker is universally considered to have been a repressed gay man who hid/denied his sexuality and lived in, to say the least, an openly homophobic society. Whether or not it was his primary intention to portray the rules of Good Victorian Behavior not working and instead actually actively harming people by forcing them to keep secrets and not trust that anyone else will believe them, it's an unavoidable theme in the text and one that a modern reader definitely picks up on with the benefit of hindsight.

Also, I think it's important to highlight that despite his 84 PhDs (of course he's a lawyer as well as a doctor) and generally being the book-smartest person in the story, Van Helsing has, at this point, comprehensively failed. He hasn't saved Lucy's life, he hasn't prevented her from turning into a vampire, he hasn't warned anyone else about what's really going on, he hasn't prevented Mrs. Westenra from being frightened to death, he hasn't told Arthur (poor Arthur!!!) anything about why he wouldn't even let him kiss his fiancee as she was dying, etc. And a huge part of this is because, as you point out, he hasn't told anyone anything. Van Helsing has often been narratively paralleled to Dracula, which I think is accurate: he is solely in charge of Lucy's health, as Dracula is the sole reason for hurting it. He tries to control Lucy, he tries to keep her loved ones in the dark, he tries to basically "have" her for himself -- all in the name of helping her, yes, but his treatment is just as ineffective as Dracula's assault is effective. Van Helsing means all the best, but he's kind of fucked it up!

And yes, the primary reason he's doing so is because he thinks that he alone is smart enough to solve the problem, he can't let anyone else onto his plans (even when Quincey strolled in, took one look, and was like "oh yeah this was like the time the vampire bit my horse" and asked the OBVIOUS FUCKING QUESTION of where all of Lucy's blood was going!) and he otherwise is the Only One. Just like Dracula's pride, arrogance, solitude, stubbornness, and insistence that his will/choices for Lucy are the only ones that matters, Van Helsing is doing the same thing, from the opposite side of the coin. That's why his methods can't possibly work to counteract Dracula and (as we will see in the latter half of the novel) they need to comprehensively rethink their entire strategy and discard all the old social rules and worry for "decorum" that has kept them from being honest with each other so far. But yes, we love us a good hero/villain narrative foil with the same flaws and the same methods. Which is what is definitely going on here. Because things such as Mrs. Westenra removing the garlic flowers happen because Van Helsing didn't even tell her that they were medicinal (you have one million doctorates, Abraham, make up a scholarly bullshit reason!)

So yes, as I said, and as we will see in upcoming entries, Following The Good Victorian Rules has fucked everyone over HARD, Van Helsing is acting like Dracula while trying to fix Dracula's damage and that's why it isn't working, and our heroes are going to need to have a comprehensive rethink of what they're doing and why, if they want to stop any of this in time. Dun dun dunnn!

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Episode Two Rewatch Thoughts:

— Van Helsing cold open my beloved?? It was just a dream? It was nothing?? Hello???

— Vampires with chips is like so fucking 90s. The Konami Code also really dates it lol

— Integra, honey, why are you so freaked out about ghouls? This is literally your job

— I always forget Patrick Seitz voices Luke. He’s so fun!

— WAIT THEY TOLD ALUCARD TO GO UPSTAIRS AND THEN HE JUST DOESN’T AND EVERYONE DIES AND WE NEVER ADDRESS THIS AGAIN ASDGJJHFJJD

— Also the way they’re like “We should go to the helicopters! oh no the helicopters blew up!” Was… Walter like listening in and he went “Oh shit! Better blow that up!”

— SOCIALIST JAN LET’S GO

— Alucard’s lines when he’s fighting Luke are… bad…

— Awww Sertegra hug

— Literally everyone died. This is Alucard’s fault lmfao how is he not in trouble for this

[gellavonhamster]

random dracula reread notes

god this book is even better than I remembered

I mean, obviously it has some of the usual nastiness one would expect from a 19th century novel written by a white man, but on the whole... what a good book

like, it’s the Power of Friendship™. All the main protagonists genuinely love each other and hold hands all the time and let each other cry on their shoulder and kiss and make sure their friends get enough sleep. Dracula stood no chance against that 

Jonathan Harker describing everything he had for dinner and making notes to ask for the recipes later is the cutest shit

never forget that Dracula had to clean and cook for Jonathan himself to make it seem as if there were servants in the castle

never forget Dracula’s straw hat “which suit not him or the time”

the first time I read this novel translated into Latvian, and now I am trying really hard to remember if that translation captured Van Helsing’s characteristic English-is-not-my-native-language manner of speech. I should also check the Russian translation at some point to see how it deals with this aspect

I want to be Mina Harker when I grow up and yes I know that presently I must be older than she is in the book

the dynamic between Jack and Van Helsing is so much fun because, on the one hand, Van Helsing respects Jack a lot as a fellow scientist and as someone who had saved his life, but he also pulls Jack by the ear when he’s being dense and tells Lucy something like “oh he doesn’t understand girls!” when Jack is in the same room. He’s Jack’s colleague and mentor but also his embarrassing uncle. Amazing

actually Van Helsing’s dynamic with everyone is adorable, he just literally adopts them all

I have a mighty need for a prequel novel(s)/series about the “wandering days” of Jack, Quincey, and Arthur, because you can’t just say stuff like “We’ve told yarns by the camp-fire in the prairies; and dressed one another’s wounds after trying a landing at the Marquesas; and drunk healths on the shore of Titicaca” and not expect me to want to hear everything about that. “Do you remember, Art, when we had the pack after us at Tobolsk?” like what the fuck were you doing in Tobolsk in the first place, Quincey, I need to know

Jonathan/Mina are simply the best (and everyone who feels like we as a society need more depictions of wholesome and loving marriages should definitely check this book out), but my favourite love-related quote in this novel still is “and I love you with all the moods and tenses of the verb”, written by Mina to Lucy

Lucy! Lucy is a sweetheart, and while I think it is valid to read her as polyamorous, I feel the primary idea behind her saying she wishes she could just marry three men is that she felt awful knowing that she has to break the hearts of two wonderful men because she just doesn’t love them the way she loves the third one. On the other hand, everyone in this book seems a little in love with everyone else, so, like, valid regardless

I think I’ve said this before but I like how Jack is always a step away from becoming your typical Mad Victorian Scientist (he almost brought Renfield a cat just to see if he would really eat it - unethical, yeah, but interesting!) but he never makes that step because his heart is too kind. Also I think a lot about the way Lucy describes him in her letter to Mina as calm, resolute, and overall an excellent parti, and then we read his diary and it’s like “maybe if I overwork myself, my depression will go away, might also do some drugs for good measure”... somebody help him

Quincey’s proposal and what he said to Lucy after she refused him and basically everything he does in the book... can I marry him

also the only inaccuracy I sanction for the adaptations to come is letting him survive

I missed it somehow the first time I read this book but Van Helsing loves Arthur so much because he reminds him of his dead son... ouch

speaking of Arthur, I don’t hate him? Yes, he seems to have the least developed personality out of all the protagonists, but he also didn’t do anything wrong. Also it’s hilarious to me for some reason how one of his superpowers is summoning rat-catching dogs. He’s like a Victorian Pokemon trainer  

imagine a horror movie focused solely on the voyage of the Demeter. Just this ship, its crew, and a vampire slowly destroying them one by one

I can’t believe Mina and Jonathan called their son after five men. FIVE MEN all those Albuses Severuses and Jameses Siriuses can’t compare

obviously now I want to watch some adaptation but also, based on what I’ve heard about most of these adaptations, I don’t want that. Help us Karyn Kusama you’re our only hope

[flutteringphalanges]

Summary:  “Am I in Hell?” Agatha’s voice was hoarse, a hint of fear in her tone. “That depends on your definition,” Dracula answered. “Perhaps.” His fingers felt cool against her burning skin, the fever raging through her body. “If you’re going to kill me, then do it,” she mumbled. The count chuckled, gazing into her eyes. “On the contrary,” he smirked. “I’m going to save you.”

((In which Dracula cares for a gravely ill Agatha))

Characters: Agatha Van Helsing/Dracula

Rating: M

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N: A little shorter than usual. I think I have a stomach bug, but I wanted to give you guys something! Thank you for all of your support! Feedback is greatly loved and appreciated! If you ever want an explanation about something after you read a chapter, my author’s notes at the end in my AO3 and FFN docs tend to have them! Hope you enjoy! -Jen

                                                Chapter Eight

Agatha was bitten by a snake once. Searching for eggs in the chicken coop, no older than six. When she slid her hand under her favorite hen, something clamped down. Sharp, needle like teeth burying themselves into her skin. It burned. Ached. And she screamed so loud one might even go as far to claim the entire town heard.

But in reality, it had mostly startled her. The bite nonvenomous. A black snake. The young girl watched as the tiny droplets of blood oozed from the bite marks. Such a curious sight to behold. A wound on flesh from mouth. As she watched it slither away, too quick for her father to catch, she couldn't help but wonder if it'd remember her taste. Liked the scent of her blood. Agatha, of course, would never know.

Agatha's eyes widened in shock as she felt Dracula's fangs dig into the sensitive flesh of her neck. Fueled off an adrenaline rush, she kicked herself back, slamming against the headboard as the vampire eyed her in a mixed expression of confusion and lust. Blood glistened off of his teeth. Coated his lips. Her blood. He'd bitten her. The bastard had actually bitten her!

"Agatha?" The Count began before she rammed her feet against his chest. It did nothing. "You seem upset."

"Upset?!" She panted holding a hand to her throat. "You BIT me!"

Dracula was silent for a minute, watching the fuming nun with keen interest. He then sat back almost as if nothing troubling had occurred. This only seemed to fuel Agatha's rage further. Not only was he acting so passively about this, but his lack of acknowledging the situation entirely was frustrating. Furiously so.

"If you are concerned about turning, Agatha, I can assure you that isn't going to happen." He spoke as if those words meant something. "If I wanted to change you, you'd have been dead long ago."

Her fingers ran down the indents in her neck. The pain had faded away leaving a cool, almost numbing feeling. It was almost...pleasant. Despite this, she frowned. Angry at him. And maybe, maybe just a little bit disappointed she made him stop. But she didn't want him to know this. Why had he done it? What were his intentions? She remembered Jonathan Harker. His former "brides" in their boxes below. Why hadn't he killed her too?

"Are you in pain?" And there was genuine concern in his tone.

"No…" What was that about not letting him know? "No, it...it doesn't hurt. Not anymore." Agatha looked at him, her eyes no longer holding malice. Only interest. Needing. "Why?"

"Because I didn't want it to." Dracula answered simply, reaching for the hand that covered the mark. "My plan isn't to make you suffer, Agatha." There was a quick flicker of a smirk on his face. "Most of the time."

Before she could react further, he leaned forward and licked the spot where his fangs had struck. Smooth, with purpose, a shiver ran down Agatha's spine as he drew back. She began to feel that familiar ache stemming from her core. Heat rising in her like the night fevers she vaguely remembered upon her arrival to the castle those many weeks ago. Ignoring them, she quickly slid out of the bed.

"I should wash up." Agatha told him quietly, knowing that if she didn't, she'd regret it later.

There was a bassin of cool water along with a cloth in the bathroom. Agatha didn't bother to warm it over the fire as she began to scrap the gore from her body. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, the icy liquid dripping against her skin. But it was something. Something other than the almost feral emotions she felt back in her bedroom. She couldn't help but wonder if he was still in there. Waiting for her. Or perhaps watching her from the shadows. Was it so wrong to think that she wouldn't much mind if he was?

The former nun gazed down at the murky liquid. With the lack of mirrors in the castle-courtesy of Dracula, it was hard to capture sight of her reflection. Maybe if she asked he'd give her one. It'd be the least he could do. Exhaling heavily, she dropped the soiled rag into the bucket and ran her fingers through her hair.

As she took a few steps outside of the room, she was surprised to find a nightgown nicely folded at her feet. Peering around, Agatha picked it up somewhat unsure. Was the Count being genuinely caring at this moment or did he have an ulterior motive? Slipping it on, she made her way back to the bedroom. Fresh sheets. No sign of the slime or mess from their actions. It was almost irritating how he fluctuated with generosity.

"You sure do think about Abraham Van Helsing don't you?"

Agatha stiffened at the name as she turned to see Dracula standing, now dressed, in the doorway. He was eyeing her in slight amusement as he stepped inside, his gaze not breaking from hers as he moved in close.

"The first time I tasted you, I can't say I really gave your backstory as much thought as I did." He smiled, but the former nun didn't return the favor. "When you cut your finger?" Dangerous territory. "He was rather hard on you."

"Don't bring him up." Her voice was cold.

"I'm truly not trying to start something. But after what we just did. That tiny mouthful of blood. I finally see where it comes from. What makes you you." And he was grinning. Smiling as if he just learned the best news in the world. "I think I'm finally beginning to figure you out, Agatha Van Helsing."

Confusion. Almost hurt. Anger. After what they did. What he did. What she gave him. Together. Now such an intimate moment was turning into this vampire's delight of a discovery?! Christ, she'd begun to trust him. Like an imbecile. Gave way into her emotions. A fool. An absolute fool.

"So this was all it ever was to you?" She asked in a low voice. "A game?" Hadn't it always? "Nothing more than a chess board where we knock each other's pieces off?"

His laughing began to fade. "I certainly didn't imply any of that." Dracula's voice was cool. "I was merely bringing up the fact that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Wrong response. Terrible answer. "I knew Abraham Van Helsing, and though he raised you to do what he couldn't, something in you changed." When he reached towards her, she recoiled instantly. "Agatha Van Helsing, I think you might have feelings for me." And once more the smile reappeared. "In a good way."

"Fuck you."

A strong word. A hateful sentence. After they literally had sex-or nearly until he bit her, things were fine. They were co-existing and she'd begun to accept that. Accept everything. But now suddenly, out of the blue he brought up her grandfather. The man who hounded her for years to be the vampire hunter that he was. A task she'd failed. That she'd pushed aside. And he had the audacity to remind her of it. And play with her emotions. It was true. It had always been true. Count Dracula was nothing more than a monster.

"Burn in Hell." The bite mark began to sting on her neck as she said it. "You should've let the fever kill me when you had the chance."

"Agatha…" But she ignored him. The sound of her name on his tongue bitter. "Agatha, don't be foolish."

She was storming out of the room with purpose, blocking out the sound of his voice. Why was she so upset? Christ, she was acting like a little school girl. Heart broken. Betrayed. Abraham was right. He was always right. The bruises from training. The endless nights of identifying what was needed to ward off vampires. Her childhood taken from her. All of these years and she'd thrown them away by sleeping with a vampire. Not once. Twice. Letting him devour any integrity she had built up as a nun.

"It's raining," Dracula called after her. "I am quite sure you don't wish to be struck by lightning." When she still didn't reply, he huffed. "I apologize for ruining the mood. Again. But how about we discuss things without you being swept away by a flash flood?"

"Oh, I'm not going out of the castle." She snapped back. "I'm going to go sit on the balcony. The sun will be rising soon and seeing as you will burn into a crisp, I can be alone." At least, she certainly hoped it'd stop raining by then and the clouds would dissipate. "And then I'm leaving for good." Before killing him first.

"You keep saying that and it has yet to happen," he countered. There was a pause before he quickly added. "If you need anything, I'll be in my study for a few hours before the morning." She shouldn't have given him the last word. Wasn't that how fights worked? "Agatha?"

But she had already thrust the heavy doors to the balcony open. Almost instantly a heavy spray of water hit her directly in the face. She coughed, the liquid burning her nose and throat from swallowing it wrong. With a grunt, she slammed them behind her and took a seat on the ground. Agatha pulled her knees up to her chest, just barely covered by the outcrop of the roof above.

How in a matter of minutes had passion turned to fury? Agatha inhaled and watched the water run through the crevices of the stone. She'd failed her mission. Time after time again. Failed her grandfather. The late nuns of St. Mary's Convent. Jonathan Harker. And Mina. Dear, sweet Mina who had relied on her all along. Glancing towards the sky, she made a promise to herself. It was time to push it aside. Everything aside. And do what she was bred from a young age to do. Kill Count Dracula.

Thunder rolled overhead and the vampire slayer eyed her healed hand, studying her now functioning knuckles. She thought about the stake she had handled just hours earlier sitting down the steps on the table below. Agatha smiled, her brain and her heart competing on what was the truly right decision. In her head Abraham Van Helsing's dying words repeated in her mind.

"...Finish what I couldn't…"

[bang-and-a-blintz]

Through the Darkness

CHAPTER SEVEN - RED AND BLUES

Fandom: Dracula (2020)  

Relationship: Dracula/Roxana(OFC)  

Rating: Mature  

Warnings: None  

Word Count: 3,708

In hindsight, Roxana probably shouldn't have had three strongly poured bloody marys. She should have switched to something less filling after a big meal; like a vodka soda, if she felt like keeping to the same liquor, or a gin and tonic to stir things up. Unfortunately, all the tomato juice and grits and bread and sausage and eggs did not mix well with the sight of someone's throat being literally torn open.

It was nasty, but at least now she could jot down 'successfully grossed out a five-hundred-something-year-old vampire' in her list of lifetime achievements.

"Well, that was…unexpected." Dracula said after a moment, his hands hung in the air like they were held up by marionette strings, "Revolting, yes, but I have to admit, this is a first."

"I…um, I would apologize, but -"

"Yes, you should be sorry! This is an Ermenegildo Zegna." He growled lowly and the Italian name slid off his tongue in such a way that it sent shivers down her spine. Not entirely unpleasant ones, she'd be loath to admit.

"Who cares about a suit? You just ended that man's life!" She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and took a few steps back to distance herself from the vampire. "Besides, you clearly can afford another one."

Dracula rolled his eyes and sighed, his hands now working on their own accord as he began to carefully peel the ruined jacket away from his body. "It's not about the money, Roxana, it's about the craftsmanship and quality of the items; think of the countless hours spent meticulously sewing and sizing each individual article of clothing. All of that dedication and hard work tossed away just because you can't stomach a little bit of blood."

"Unbelievable." She began to pace in a small circle, dragging her nails quite viciously and repeatedly through her unruly locks. "You care more about some bits of fabric than a human being's life."

After shaking off the chunks from the coat, he placed it sloppily over the corpse and started working on his vest. There was that ferocity that he recognized in her, it reminded him of Agatha, and it was that Van Helsing fire that was not so easily snubbed. "You will come to learn, my dear, that death is part of the journey. It is the finished masterpiece. Think of it as your magnum opus! It is the very thing that defines the meaning of every life and is nothing that you should be afraid of."

"You're missing my point completely and, for the record, I'm not scared of death."

Dracula was relieved to find the button-up shirt underneath his vest to be unscathed, but also a little more than slightly intrigued by her statement. He would, how they say, put a pin in it and return back to that later. "Then why are you so upset? It's not like you knew him."

She groaned and threw up her hands in exasperation. Roxana was not about to try and teach an old vampire new moral tricks, that was well above her pay grade.

Rolling up his sleeves, the Count set out to retrieve his belongings from the pockets of his jacket and then fitted the dirtied clothes onto the dead body. For the final touch, he slid his Ray Bans over the man's glassy eyes. "Ah, good enough, I suppose."

Dracula took a step back to view his handiwork while absentmindedly wiped the remaining blood from his face. Roxana stopped her pacing to stare dumbly at the sight before her. The mugger was propped up against the wall with his head drooped down to the side, covering the neck wound so it looked like someone who had little too much fun and passed out on the sidewalk. Not an entirely uncommon sight in this city.

"Please tell me you're not just going to leave him here."

He looked at her with raised brows, "And what would you have me do?"

"Clean up after yourself!" Roxana cried out. The adrenaline rush she got from witnessing a murder had not completely dissipated so now she was left grasping a bout of minor hysteria. "I would think that would be obvious!"

Dracula laughed, "That's rich coming from someone who just upchucked her dinner all over one of my finest suits!"

"Because you decided to floss your teeth with some dude's carotid artery."

"Why are you surprised? You know what I am!"

"Well, excuse me if I was a little caught off guard because it's a hell of a lot different seeing a vampire up close and in action as opposed to a tiny, shitty computer screen!" She was nearly shouting, oblivious to the desperation in her own voice as he drew closer. Her neck craned upwards to try and boldly keep eye contact while his grin grew to make him look like the cat who caught the canary. "Stop smiling like that!"

"Make me." His tone was teasingly low, those eyes wicked and sharp. She noticed how lively Dracula looked after he fed. It was unsettling.

WHOOP! WHOOP!

They jumped apart as sirens suddenly yipped at them and a bright flashlight waved back and forth between their faces. The dark street was instantly flooded by the red and blues spinning on top of the police car.

"Oh, fuck me." She murmured with wide eyes. Her hands instinctively started to raise a little before she forced them back down, reminding herself to act casual.

Dracula leaned over slightly, "Is that an invitation?"

"Please shut up." She hissed back, shooting him a glare. "And no, it's not."

He made a facial shrug and then smirked, tossing her a casual little wink just to rile her up. The short, frustrated huff he got in return was satisfying enough.

"Everything all right here?" The cop rolled down his window and peered out at them. "And how about your friend over there? He's not looking so great."

The light shined over the dead guy leaning against the wall and the pair froze, glancing at one another.

This was her moment, she could tell the officer about the murder and maybe he could protect her against…the vampire. Oh, who was she kidding? Dracula would quicker snap her neck and drain the officer before risking the chance of exposure like that.

Meanwhile, her inner moral soldiers battled fiercely inside her brain over whether or not she should even say something about the murder. On the one hand, the count was a vicious blood-sucker who killed a man in a blink of the eye without any remorse, but on the other hand, it was technically self-defense…on her behalf anyway.

Logic eventually won when she realized that even if she did rat him out, it was highly unlikely the cop would even believe the truth. She would sound like a crazy person. The mental image of Dracula laughing and waving while she, hands uncomfortably cuffed behind her back, watched on with teary eyes as he grew smaller and smaller in the distance because the cruiser she was detained in drove off to the nearest prison…or an insane asylum. Whichever was closest.

Be killed or incarcerated? Neither were ideal. So Roxana went for door number three instead.

Dracula saw the look on her face. The look of a scared little rabbit getting ready to bolt. He had already tensed in preparation for her to make a sudden move but, to his surprise, that peculiar look vanished and Roxana smiled.

"All good here, officer! And yes, unfortunately this drunk pleb is with us. We were just about to get a ride back to the airbnb, sir." She shrugged her shoulders with a laugh. "It was his first time on Bourbon Street."

"Yes, I do believe he had one too many bloodys," Dracula was pleasantly surprised by her change in demeanor and happily played along. "Poor man vomited all over himself before we could find him a bin. Such a lightweight."

The officer squinted a little and they waited with bated breaths as he took a moment, which really felt like ages, to decide whether or not he believed their story.

"Alright then," He said at length and pointed to Dracula, "You make sure they get home safe now, ya hear?"

Roxana's eyebrows rose in disbelief while the Count grinned toothily, stepping over to her. She felt his hand slide up her spine and rest in a light grip around the back of her neck. "Of course, officer. I'll take care of them."

With a nod, the cop turned off his lights and drove back down the street, making a left at the next corner. Roxana let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and dropped her shoulders.

That was a close call.

"My, my, your heart is racing, Roxana." Dracula murmured into the darkness that had enveloped them once more. His thumb brushed over her pulse point and he was thrilled when it spiked at the touch. She went to move away but halted her step when she felt his grip tighten, those claws threatening to make a cut. He turned her to face him and firmly, but gently tilted her head back to force her to meet his stare.

"That was your chance. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Please," She scoffed and jutted her chin out defiantly, "We both know it would've been pointless."

"Still," He spoke softly, his head angling back as he observed her, "You could have told the police officer the truth."

"And have you kill us both? I think not. Remember, the foundation showed me those videos and I know you're immune to bullets. So what good would that have done me?"

Dracula stared at her for a moment and then wetted his lips slowly before speaking, inching closer and closer towards her face. "For the last time, I'm not killing you yet because I wish to get to know you, but if you keep bringing it up, I might feel inclined to change that timeframe."

"Well are you going to be this intolerable all the time? Because if so, then just get on with it, I'm in no mood to play a long con here, big guy."

"No, I do believe the fun has just begun."

"Great. Just great." Roxana was truly done. She could still taste the bile on her tongue like acid, it made her feel disgusting, and she wanted nothing more than the day to end. "Now, if you'll let me go, I'm in desperate need of a shower, a toothbrush, and a bed. Maybe a nightcap too because the last twenty-four hours of my life have been absolutely fucked."

Acquiescing her request, Dracula released his grip and allowed her to distance herself from him once more. He watched as she dragged a hand down her face and heaved a sigh; her blue eyes almost shined in the darkness up at him as she gave him a tired half-assed glare. She then turned and started walking towards Canal Street.

"Where are you going?"

"Home." She called over her shoulder, her manners be damned. "Goodnight, Dracula."

The Count gawked when she didn't even give him a second glance and he did nothing but watch as she made her way to the end of the street and disappeared around the corner. He truly did not understand that woman. Perhaps it was ingrained in the Van Helsing blood to be habitually nonplussed by his vampiric prowess.

He pulled out his cell phone with a sigh as his thoughts drifted to the dead man wearing his now-ruined five-thousand-dollar suit and about a quart of said Van Helsing's DNA. Dracula needed to get rid of that evidence before it came back and bit him in the ass. No pun intended.

"Hello, my lord, how was your day today?" Renfield sounded chipper as ever.

"I need you to dispose of a body."

Dracula grinned from ear to ear as he listened delightfully to the unfiltered frustration in Frank Renfield's long-suffering sigh.

—

What a day, Roxana thought as she shuffled onto the streetcar and plopped down in one of the wooden seats. With a lurch, the machine squealed and rattled as it moved forward along the track. She winced; the benches on these particular modes of transportation were incredibly unforgiving on one's posterior.

Blankly, she stared into nothing, not paying attention as the buildings passed by. The events of the night played on repeat in her mind. A real vampire killed a real person right before her eyes. Was this really real life now? She was too exhausted to try and figure it out.

She felt like an outsider looking in on her body as it ran on autopilot. Her hand pulled the string to stop the car and somehow her feet managed to take her all the way to her front step without incident.

Fifolet meowed at her incessantly by the door but it sounded muted and far away as she unlocked it. Robotically, she made a beeline to the bathroom and shed her clothes along the way. Not even waiting for the water to warm up, Roxana stood unflinchingly under the cold spray and began to clean herself as the temperature increased to the cusp of scalding. She scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was red and raw. When she was finished, she pressed her forehead against the tiled wall and closed her eyes, simply listening to the water roar around her.

Without thinking, she lifted her hand up to gently wrap her fingers around her neck and couldn't stop her mind from wandering…from remembering the distinct sensation of another hand. His hand. She could almost still feel the vast expanse of his palm grasping her jugular and those impossibly long fingers curling nearly all the way around. Or how he leaned so close until he was just a breath away and anytime she would inhale, those fingers would tighten ever-so-slightly against her flesh.

Roxana's eyes shot open and she dropped her hand like it was on fire. Goosebumps lit up her arms and legs, despite the scorching water. Slamming the nozzle off, she threw back the curtains and began to dry off with furious gusto.

He was a vile creature. A feral beast. Not even human. The mere memory of his hands on her should be enough to appall her entirely. It must be delirium, she thought stubbornly, shaking the abhorrently traitorous images from her mind. She wrapped the towel around her head and strode towards the bedroom.

"I just need to go the fuck to sleep." Roxana muttered to herself and swiped the half-empty bottle of bourbon from the counter on her way. She collapsed onto the bed once she reached it, but sleep did not find her. Instead, she laid awake through the early hours of the morning, watching the ceiling fan spin on and on and on. She steadily knocked back the remainder of the liquor until the corners of her visions blurred and her eyelids became too heavy to keep open.

By the time the sun had risen in the sky, the bottle had rolled underneath her bed, long since emptied, and her light snores could be heard along with the chirping birdsongs. Fifolet patted over and curled up next to the woman, resting her paw gently on her outstretched arm and knowing that her human would be needing comfort now more than ever before.

—

The rest of the week flew by without any sort of batty drama and Roxana was grateful for it. She had a light workload with only two dinners scheduled and each went off without a hitch. All felt to be back to normal within her world. The weather wasn't comfortable yet, unfortunately, so she spent most of her free time relaxing at home. Not that she was using the cold as an excuse to stay inside and away from a certain someone. Nope, not a chance.

After that night, she had woken up with a righteous hangover and truly believed she had made up everything that had occurred in those twenty-four hours, but the textual evidence on her phone proved otherwise. Dracula had messaged her just once, to make sure she had made it home after their encounter, which she had to begrudgingly admit was rather sweet. Other than that, she was surprised to hear nothing more from the Count.

Roxana was cherishing the peace and quiet while she could. She knew that this whole interaction with Dracula was almost one-hundred-percent going to end up with her premature death. It wasn't hard to understand that hanging out with vampires and certain mortal peril basically went hand in hand. Not to mention the pesky fact about her being directly tied to a bloodline of women who had quite a lot to do with this ancient warlord and, spoiler alert, both of those women were killed...by him. So she intended to enjoy the calm before the storm.

Her phone went off next to her as she was boiling a pot of water for her own dinner and she saw an unknown number flash up at her.

"Hello?"

"Ah Miss von Hels, this is Keres Grimaldi. How I appreciate you taking the time as I am sure you must be terribly busy." The cold, feminine voice on the other line was not who Roxana had expected.

She blinked and then glanced around. The only plans she had this evening were drinking a bottle or two of wine, eating pasta, and watching some mind-numbing sitcoms. Yes, she was terribly busy. "Oh, no, not a problem at all. What can I do for you, Miss Grimaldi?"

"I would like to go over some of the details for this upcoming dinner." Keres' tone was icy and authoritative, leaving no room for nonsense or frivolous chatter. Roxana had a hard time imagining this woman throwing any sort of convivial party. "First, I believe you are aware of the delicate situation I am in, as head of the council, and the reason I chose your restaurant as the location once more is that I know that you will handle these delicacies with the same discretion you do with all of your soirees. Your clientele is famous and you appear to have the subtlety to maintain secrecy."

Roxana could not tell if this woman was being deliberately facetious or if she just always had the demeanor of a robotic bitch. Realizing very quickly that she wasn't about to get many words in, the chef put the phone on speaker and began to record the conversation so she could go back over it later to write the details down in her schedule. Work smarter, not harder. With a smile, she continued stirring the sauce as Keres plowed onward with her demands.

"The dinner will take place on the last Friday of the month, just two weeks before Mardi Gras. We shall be seating ten and you will provide meals for only five. It will be just you there and no other employees during the dinner, absolutely no exceptions."

"Okay, I'll have them leave before the clients arrive. You understand that includes my valet, right?"

"Yes, the transportation will be taken care of, therefore parking will not be an issue."

Strange, Roxana thought to herself while pouring the pasta into the strainer. "That works. Anything else? Dietary restrictions?"

As the words left her mouth, she winced and silence filled the room. It was a perfectly normal question under any other circumstance, but perhaps not this one.

"I noticed the other night that you seemed to be familiar with Mr. Balaur."

"I…um," She wasn't sure how she should answer the woman, "It was the first time I had met him, but I guess you could say we have mutual acquaintances."

"Miss von Hels, you are aware of his vampiric nature, are you not?" Well, Keres was certainly not tiptoeing around the subject.

"…Yes."

"Good, that's one less tedious explanation. I will provide the necessary dietary requirements, so you need not worry yourself over that. As for the mayor and his partners, you will want to contact them and decide on a menu that will suit their needs."

"Easy." She poured another glass of wine and took a long drink. "Anything else?"

The line was quiet for a moment and she had to check to make sure the call hadn't ended before Keres spoke up, "No, that will be all for now, Miss von Hels. Thank you for your time."

"Thank you for calling, Miss Grimaldi, I hope you have a great rest of your evening." Roxana really appreciated clients who were straight to the point, for it was often a headache to deal with indecisive people.

"One more thing," Keres' voice made her hand stop midway from pressing the end button, "Watch yourself around him. I've spent some time with Mr. Balaur in the last few years and I have never seen him look the way he did at you and this concerns me, not for your wellbeing of course, but for the future of our council. I will not have him go feral again, not under my watch, so if you know what is best for yourself, I would advise you to attempt to maintain a distance and use the utmost caution."

This caught Roxana off guard and her brows furrowed, "Then why are you having the dinner at Sanguine, if you are so concerned about this?"

Keres let out a laugh and it was anything but joyful. It lasted a beat too long for something that couldn't even be considered humorous and continued to send chills fluttering down Roxana's neck with a foreboding sense of danger.

"Oh, I know better by now than to try and take his toys away."

Taglist:

@festering-queen​ @vissidarte213​ @moony691​ @allis143​ @torntaltos​ @apocalypsenowish​

[thebeautyofdisorder]

The Undone & The Divine (BBC Dracula) - Chapter 5

A/N: Okay...this took far longer than I expected it to, but to be fair for five minutes I was almost convinced to take a break and leave it at four. Five minutes is giving it too much credit, I think. But, either way - here it is. I hope you enjoy it. I labored over the last bits of this for far too long wondering if I was getting too ahead of myself, but... what the hell, right? Please reassure me with comments.

Rating: still T, for blood, language, and a bit of dubious consent/alluding to adult concepts 

Pairing: Dracula & Zoe/Agatha Van Helsing

Chapters 1 & 2 Here - Chapter 3 Here - Chapter 4 Here

Can be found on AO3 - Right HERE -

Chapter 5

It was another two weeks before Zoe saw sunlight again. Not out of any kind of vampiric repulsion, but purely due to the epic workload she had set up for herself. She knew as much as she hated to admit it that Dracula was right. She had a limited amount of time to make good on her intentions and an expanse of scientific ground to break, more than she had ever envisioned for herself. 

Worse, there was a level of occult knowledge that she needed to reacquaint herself with since she’d tossed it in the bin twenty years prior, but Agatha was at least useful in that respect. Granted 1897 was not the most ideal cut off, but it gave her a decent groundwork. What wasn’t useful was the obvious glee that overcame her in the presence of the monster Zoe had been taught from an early age was basically the devil incarnate. And it’s not as though the nun even disagreed with the assessment, save her belief in the literal devil causing a bit of a contextual conflict. 

Zoe had always took pride in her stoicism, but Agatha was quite the opposite. She’d always found some sort of wicked, curious amusement in everything, even in the face of death – and vampires, apparently. Not that she didn’t have a very personal reason to be interested now. No, ignoring Dracula was no longer an option. Understanding him was the only way to fully understand herself, and whoever else the Count was no doubt soon to add to the ranks of the undead. 

As much as she detested to admit it, she could feel herself changing – slowly, but surely evolving past the limits of what it had always meant to be human. Everything was different – the way things smelled, looked, tasted, felt… there wasn’t a sense unaffected. And with it had grown subtle, gnawing hunger that she was determined to repress – or, currently, find a safe way to sate. And she was close. So close. But without a few more key bits of information from the beast himself, there was no way to be sure.

She had let him be for now, since she knew they at least had time in that regard. Dracula was many things, but a total idiot was not one of them, and no doubt he’d taken notice of the pattern just as easily as she did. The longer he spent with each victim, the more ideal the transformation after death. Instant kills were a 50/50 shot at best. If he was on the lookout for another ‘bride’ – even if he’d found one, there was no way he’d waste his newly renewed hope by getting overzealous. Zoe alone seemed to be the outlier of that unspoken rule, but ingesting so much of his blood (and also being on death’s doorstep already) seemed to have been the push.

It wasn’t like she didn’t know where he was. In fact, she found that if she let herself focus on him too long she couldn’t seem to avoid getting a sort of passing ‘update’ of his current actions – whether she wanted it or not. Just the person she wanted to be mentally connected to. Though whatever the connection was, it seemed to be a two-way street as opposed to the sort of controlling thrall that he had over certain others. At least she hadn’t caught herself doodling ‘Dracula is God’ in the corner of any of her notepads, thank fuck for that.

After a couple of weeks, however, the peaks at his consciousness were becoming more involuntary – either that, or he’d found out a way to push them at her deliberately, which wouldn’t surprise her in the least. An array of miscellaneous throats, mostly – with the occasional face to go with them even, but a strangely short order of corpses. Not too surprising given his renewed intent to procreate, but she expected the body count would be still reasonably…abundant. 

Despite knowing she should be relieved, Zoe felt a creeping sense of dread. How many people did he intend to turn? To keep up with his usual appetite he’d have to be keeping a menagerie of donors. Willing donors. For a brief, mindless moment she wondered to herself how the hell he was managing that. Her own voice (more or less) answered in a clipped mocking laugh, echoing out loud in the silence of her office. 

Tall, dark, handsome, well dressed, charming – in a snakey sort of way with no particular sexual preference, in a city full of jaded, power starved people longing to escape from their problems, with a cynical attitude toward life and death?  Christ’s sake, they were in the age of the opioid epidemic and the man was walking heroin. Literally. The world was doomed. 

Ready or not, it was about time she stopped making things so easy for him, Zoe decided, packing up her latest round of experiments and locking them away. Just because she couldn’t kill Dracula (yet) didn’t mean that she couldn’t distract him - a thought that she was well aware originated more with Agatha than herself, but the scientist in her was still fully willing to embrace. 

The methodology was...negotiable, they'd settled on vaguely as Zoe found her way quickly home to her flat. 

Once she decided to figure out his location, it didn't surprise her that the count was 'on the prowl', but she did have to roll her eyes at his choice of venue. Apparently he was going to make following him inconvenient. It definitely wasn't a club she could just waltz into dressed like a science professor and blend in. 

But this is good, he won't be expecting your intrusion. 

...Or he's expecting me to show up in a lab coat and give myself away Zoe countered internally, becoming arguably far too comfortable with disagreeing with her own inner voice as she yanked out a little black dress from the back of her wardrobe and tossed it on her bed, along with her far more lived in leather jacket.

Fine. This was fine. If she could keep randy 20-year-olds focused on studying science instead of each other on a regular basis, she could certainly handle putting a wrench in a 500 year old man-child’s seduction techniques. 

------

Of the numerous intrigues and conundrums the 21st century had wrought upon the Count, the notion of the vampire being not only a cultural topic of admiration but practically a fetish was one he had never seen coming. He was actually embarrassed it had taken him this long to fully comprehend and, in turn, utilize this phenomenon. It was true none of his earlier victims had really been surprised when his teeth sank into their necks, but the full scope of it had never really ‘dawned’ on him until baring his fangs had inspired one too many bouts of earnest excitement. It was frankly hilarious, not to mention convenient, though truth be told he was beginning to miss the charms of inspiring unholy terror. 

Not that the initial euphoria didn’t quickly evolve into proper panic once the reality of exsanguination occurred to them – if he allowed it to. He sometimes did, particularly since he was losing patience with being told it wasn’t Halloween just before ripping into their throats. He opted not to keep those idiots around, more often than not. The undead didn’t need any more denial in its ranks - Zoe was already proving to be so far immune to his influence in every way, he did not need any more deviance. 

It luckily hadn’t taken Dracula long to finally hit the smorgasbord: an entire dark room, filled almost entirely with dozens of willing, believing victims. So many nocturnal souls, full of wickedness and naïve delight at the mere thought of a creature such as him walking amongst them. Many of them even liked to already call themselves vampires, some in jest and others in actual earnest - artificial fangs and all! It was downright adorable. Now why should he, of all people, ruin their fun? 

It never took very long to capture someone’s attention, and that particular night was no different save for the fact that his potential prey had suddenly turned their attention away from him and was having some unknown words whispered in their ear by a woman he vaguely recognized as the bartender. 

“I…um, I need to go. Emergency,” The young woman stated in the broken persistence easily identified as that of an unpracticed liar, and she dissolved hurriedly back into the darkness from whence she came. 

Dracula’s head tilted briefly in confusion, but then in realization he sighed as his eyes scanned and locked in a glare on the slender figure at the far end of the bar who was smirking at him. 

Striding over with exaggerated reluctance, he leant against the surface at her side.

“What did you tell her?” 

Zoe shrugged, still clearly pleased with herself. “Just enough to make you sound revolting. Not exactly hard to do.”

“No one likes a cock block, Dr. Helsing,” he accused with a raise of his brows, looking down at her.

Zoe chuckled aloud. “I think we both know your cock isn’t something to worry about,” she replied, eyes rolling at his apparent need to show off his modern vocabulary. 

“Ouch,” he rumbled, amusement still glinting in the black pools of his eyes despite his attempt at a pout. “Should I be offended?” 

“Is there even anything to be offended about?” She found herself asking, and briefly cursed Agatha’s ever-greedy curiosity.

The Count’s brows shot upwards, in either genuine surprise or a good ploy of it as he turned his body to face hers. “Are you asking if I’m, as you say, ‘fully functional and anatomically correct’? Oh dear, now I am offended.” It didn’t falter his smile.

“I just assumed you saw everyone as little more than happy meals with legs,” she said in, granted, unnecessary explanation for the question. Never in anything she’d seen or heard of his attempts to seduce or charm did he seem to be in pursuit of anything but dinner.

“I’m a man of many appetites, some just supersede others,” he replied simply, at first, though quickly amended. “And certain aspects of being a vampire does make it difficult to find a partner who will remain conscious or even survive the experience through to its conclusion.”

“Sounds like a self-control problem to me, though...I wouldn’t have thought the killing part to be an issue for you,” she uttered in return, more of Agatha’s intrigue popping out without her consent. 

His eyes narrowed knowingly, as they always seemed to do when he sensed Zoe’s words were not always her own, though it didn’t stop him from responding.

“I may be undead, but I am no necrophile. I told you I like the lively ones, and I meant that. Even if the vast majority are ‘happy meals with legs’ that’s no reason to ignore what’s between them. Where do you think all that blood flows to when you’re aroused?”

“Sorry I asked,” Zoe clipped, eyes rolling again in sheer avoidance of his probing gaze.

“Maybe I ought to try some restraints,” he mused thoughtfully, ignoring her comment entirely and refocusing on his current ‘conundrum’ she’d been so kind as to bring to the forefront of his thoughts. “I fed from an interesting little dominatrix the other night…”

“For them or for you?” Zoe found herself snarking back, beginning to wonder if it was a better or worse choice to let a nun have this conversation in her place.

“Oh, them. It would keep them conscious a bit at least. When your saliva is a sedative, over-eagerness just breeds trouble. I don’t even know if they make anything strong enough to restrain me. Silver…if you believe the stories, though I’ve never tried it.” His brow quirked upward lasciviously at her, an obvious lure. “Perhaps you would do the honors?” 

“Perhaps I should try to stake you, just to be sure. You never know, I could get lucky.”

“Now, now. We both know you’re not going to do that. Come on Agatha – don’t think I don’t know when it’s you, you always were a curious cat - if things went your way I’d still be locked in a box to prod at for the rest of eternity, all for the sake of extending your morbid curiosity. I was extending a courtesy with that offer. It could be the closest you’d get to satisfaction in that regard. Or any regard," he drawled, punctuating his already not-so-subtle meaning by moving in closer still, deliberately intrusive. He lived to infuriate. 

Agatha’s first instinct was to aim a slap at his absurdly smug face just for the audacity, regardless of Zoe’s opposing instinct to ignore him entirely. Apparently the nun won out, though the speed in which her hands zoomed forward was an impossible thing, and as Zoe feared, a grave mistake. The older vampire caught her hand in his massive fist before it came within an inch of his flesh, with a look of pure satisfaction. In the same gesture, his other hand shot to grasp her throat and by the force of the movement alone urged her back from the bar and into the shadows just beyond it. The music was melancholic, but loud and just chaotic enough to drown out the faint growl erupting from his throat. 

“Ooh. Look at you go. I think my blood really did do the trick, didn’t it? None of my brides, before or after their full transformation, could even come close to my speed. And you’re already halfway there. Not to mention completely immune to my power of suggestion yet still able to locate me, it seems – very, very irritating, but impressive. Any fangs yet?” 

Struggling briefly in his grasp, she bared her teeth at him spitefully, showing off her teeth’s lack of points. 

“Aw. What a pity,” he sighed, letting go of her hand, but kept her neck in his grip – not squeezing, but present and unmoving, nonetheless lest she try to attack him again.

 “Still trying to fight it, aren’t you? Zoe’s just a stubborn thing, she wants to prove me wrong. But you…you are trying to protect her. From me…herself, I don’t know, but it’s only going to end up driving her mad.” 

“It’s completely feasible to resist the blood lust,” Agatha persisted, meeting his steely gaze with her own. “She’s figured out how it works, what the vampiric body needs to function.” 

“And I suppose you’d be the expert at resisting lusts, wouldn’t you?” His fingers tightened minutely around the long column of her throat, and his words were a harsh whisper that’s effect on her body mocked the very virtue it was pretending to praise. 

“For once, Dracula, stop flattering yourself,” she spat, turning her head as much to look away from him – at anything but him - as his hold would allow.

“I never flatter myself. You stop elevating yourself. You’re not a nun anymore, you’re just another wayward soul. You’ve died twice trying to rid the world of me and we’re both still here. Take a hint.” 

“Perhaps I’m still here to stop you,” she suggested, finally turning back to face him with a challenging lift of her brow.

The Count met her challenge with a look of utter acceptance , his face leaning down to hers in what to anyone else would be a clear threat - and to anyone else, it was exactly that. To a normal, non corrupt human his kiss meant instant submission, the predator incapacitating his prey. 

“Then, by all means, stop me.” 

She stood stiff in the face of his intimate approach, for a moment able to ignore any further context and simply prod at him. 

"Your delusions won't work on me anymore," Agatha reminded him blandly, pushing breath out with each word just because she could. 

This gave him pause for all of a moment, but it was seemingly only to observe her stubborn face with faint amusement. 

"Good," he uttered against her lips with mocking simplicity, but before she could take another breath he was kissing her hard and to his utter relief, didn't get limp, clouded acceptance in response. 

She let out a frustrated growl of her own in protest, more human than beast, though her attempt at clamping her lips closed in protest came a moment too late. He'd captured her lower lip between his own and she felt the sharp scrape of his canines as he pulled, still prominent without the animalistic haze of hunger. 

Her initial will to resist buckled to make way instead for an aggressive refusal to be dominated - whether those forces had names or were shared equally between the Van Helsing women, he couldn't say, but instead of allowing him to ravage her mouth unopposed, or even to attempt to fight or flee as the Count half expected, she'd responded with equal fervor - out of lust or spite or both. Her blunt teeth bit down hard where his had only nipped and her previously limp hand found its way to the back of his head and anchored itself in his locks to counter the tightening of his grip on her neck. 

The snarl that reverberated from his throat and into her mouth was every bit as bestial as hers was human, and his grip tightened dangerously just before forcing her backwards and away from him like he was embracing an open flame. She barely caught herself before crashing into a wall, but still looked on with unadulterated satisfaction as Dracula looked twice as shaken as she did in the face of his first kiss in 500 years that didn't end in immediate surrender. Men - alive or dead - were all the same. 

After a moment, he caught himself, letting out a wicked chuckle in the face of her smirk. "We'll make a monster of you yet, Van Helsing," he assured her raggedly, bluster gradually returning to his stance and the set of his jaw as he watched her.

Zoe - and fully Zoe at that moment righted herself from where she leaned against the wall, adjusting her jacket, the satisfied look still in her eyes. 

"Happy hunting, Count Dracula. Just don't expect me to make it easy for you."

And without looking at him again, she walked passed where he stood and headed in a leisurely stroll towards the exit, forcing her heart rate back to its normal deathly calm. 

----

I’m not even sure what to say to this other than either I’m sorry or your welcome. I’m just going to tag everyone who’s nerding has inspired me to continue, regardless if you’ve showed any interest in reading or not. If you want to be tagged, let me know

Tag List: @charlesdances @bellamortislife @carydorse @break-free-killer-queen @imagineandimagine @my-fanfic-library @punk-courtesan @ohveda @wannabebloodsucker @hoefordarkness @mymagicsuitcase @crazytxgradstudent @itendedbadly @theplumsoldier @gatissed @allfandoms-writings @littlemessyjessi @vampiregirl1797 @desperatefrenchwriter @iloveclaesbang @ss9slb @dreamerkim @mephdcosplay @violetmarkey @alhoyin @thozaarmitage @girlonfireice@cipherwheeldecoder @crowley-needs-a-hug @mr-kisskiss-bangbang @iloveclaesbang

[a-marlene-s]

Prompt/Genre/Au List: Send in an idea~

New and updated list.

Due to.. some things that have been happening, I need to take my mind off things for a while.

Send in an ask or message if you would like a dabble or possible one-shot.

Fandoms:

Miraculous Ladybug

FMA/FMAB

Fairy Tail

Naruto

Harry Potter/Hogwarts Mystery

OHSHC

Fallout

Dragon Age Inquistion

A:TLA

My Candy Love/University

Rules:

Rating:

The highest the story will be T to M. Mainly due to blood, death and possible murder.

WHAT I WILL NOT WRITE:

Rape

Incest

Hardcore NSFW

Pedophilia

Certain Kinks.

Genre: Group A

Angst

Action

Adventure

Crime/Detective

Drama

Fable

Fairy Tale

Fantasy

Folktale

Historical Fiction

Horror

Humor

Legend

Magical Realism

Mystery

Mythology

Romance

Sci-fi

Suspense/Thriller

Tall Tale

Western

Paranormal

Drabble List: Group B

“Just…. Stay there.”

“Please, I’ll do anything.”

“It doesn’t feel like home anymore.”

“They’re walking all over you.”

“Give me a chance.”

“Not you again.”

“Why do you hate me?”

“I thought you loved me?”

“I wish I’d never met you.”

“I fucked up.”

“I came to say goodbye.”

“About the baby… it’s yours.”

“I did it.”

“Stop ignoring me.”

“Well, fine: just this once.”

“She’s locked herself in her room.”

“My heart hurts.”

“What do you need”

“Please stop crying, please.”

“Anyway, all joking aside…”

“I’d like it if you told me the truth.”

“Define normal”

“I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

“She’s crazy. And just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, there’s a crazy underground garage. ”

“If I survive, can I go home?”

“Insanity runs in my family.”

“Excuse me, I have to go make a scene”

“She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

“You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?”

“And hello to you too… little homewrecker”

“You’re Satan”

“No. Regrets.”

“I swear, I’m not crazy”

“How drunk was I?”

“STOP INTERRUPTING ME!”

“You’re not interested, are you?”

“Tell me you need me”

“Oh honey, I’d never been jealous of you.”

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it”

“Walkout that door and we’re through”

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything.”

“Just talk to me”

“What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids”

“Please don’t shut me out”

“Love interest finds an open diary”

“Please don’t say goodbye”

“You’re holding me back”

“I’m willing to wait for it.”

Roommates heroes whom everyone thinks are together but are just living together. They do love each other but they set boundaries that prevent a relationship to happen. It all goes out the window as a villain points it out.

“I’ll kiss that guy over there if you keep ignoring me..”

“You still love me, right?”

“I’m only here because there’s food”

“Life isn’t a fairy tale.”

“What are we fighting for?”

“There was never an us.”

“Just because I don’t show or say that it hurt, doesn’t mean I don’t have any feelings.”

“I said you can’t fall in love with me, but I didn’t say I can’t fall in love with you.”

“You’ve always abandoned her/him/them easily, and fetching her/him/them again when you finally remember.”

AU: Group C

Aging Up

All Human

Bodysharing

De-Aging

Ghosts

Magic

Robots/Androids/Cyborgs

Vampire

Werewolf

Wingfic

Zombies

Theme/Setting/Style: Group D

A/B/O Society

Afterlife

Barista/Coffeeshop/Bakery

High-school/College/University

Historical: Modern/Future/Past

Magic

Noir Detective

Prison

Royalty

Pirate

Spy/Secret Agent/Assassin/Hit-man

 Holiday Fic

Isolated or trapped

Reincarnation

Time Travel

Individual Elements: Group E

Amnesia

Character Death

Doppelgangers

Presumed dead

Pretend Couple

Based on Canon: Group F

Au

Recasting

Crossover

Dark

Denail

Missing Scene

Mirror-verse/Spiderverse

Fix-it

Futurefic/Next Generation

Pastfic/Backstory

Tropes: Group G

Abandoned Hospital

Abandoned Playground

Aborted Declaration of Love

Accidental pregnancy

Achilles' Heel

Adrenaline Makeover

Afterlife

Agents Dating

Alibi

Almost Kiss

Alone amount the Couples

Amicable Exes

Amnesia

Anchored Exes

Ancient Evil

Back From the Dead

Back to School

Badass driver

Best friend’s sibling

Billionaire

Blackmail

Blind Date

Childhood Friend Romance

Class Warfare (One comes from money, the other lacks it.)

Close Shave

Common Law Marriage

Cruel and Unusal Death

Enemies to Lovers

Everybody Lives

Eye for an Eye

Fairy-tale

Fake Relationship

Fake-Out Make-out

False Friend

False Soulmate

Fling

Forbidden Love

Friends to Lovers

Gaslighting

Graveyard

Halloweentown

Hallway Fight

Happily Married

Haunted House

Hidden Villian

Hunger Games

I don’t want to ruin our friendship

If I can’t have you...

Ignorance is bliss

It’s not you, it’s me

It’s not you, it’s my enemies

Jilted Bride/Groom

Justified Criminal

Kidnapped

Lady and Knight

Let’s just be friends

Literally loving Thy Neighbor

Long Distance Relationship

Longing look

Love at first Note

Love at first punch

Love at first sight

Love Confession

Love Hurts

Love Potion

Love Transcends Space time

Loved I not Honor More

Loves Me not

Loving a Shadow

Loving Bully 

Make Up or Break Up

Marriage of Convenience

Married to the Job

Marry for Love

Matchmaker

Maybe Ever after?

Meet the In-Laws

Military

Mistaken for Cheating

Mistaken Identity

Mob

Morning After

Muggle-Mage Romance

My girl back home

New Old Flame

No Romantic Resolution

Nobody thinks it will work

Office Romance

Offscreen Breakup

Offscreen Romance

On the Rocks

On the run

One that got away

Opposites Attract

Outlaw Couple

Performer-Musician

Playboy

Please Dump Me

Politics

Prank Date

Red String of Fate

Redemption

Relationship Reveal

Relationship Revolving Door

Relationship Sabotage

Relationship-Salvaging Disaster

Removed from the picture

Removing the rival

Return to Hometown

Reunion

Revenge 

Romantic Wingman

Royalty

Runaway bride/groom

Runaway Fiance

Scars

Second Chance

Secret Baby

Secret/Lost Heir

Shotgun wedding

Stranded

Sudden Baby

Time Travel

Ugly Duckling

Undercover as Lovers

Unrequited Love

Van Helsing

Widow(er)

World Tour

[tearlessrain]

part 2 of me watching Dracula: The Dark Prince and complaining about it the entire time

when we left off, the power ranger villain (who I guess is called the scourge) had kidnapped xena 3.0 (who confusingly may actually be named xena), lucien the roving misogynist is the chosen one, and dracula sits in his castle brooding about how much he doesn’t like strangers even though he forcibly brings them to his home.

anyway, here we are back at the castle of timely thunderclaps, brought to you by playmobile and LED lights.

oooh they just zoomed in on remfield’s face and played some ominous music. he’s secretly plotting something. to be honest I should have picked up on it before because he was super sketchy but I thought it was just bad acting

the scourge has just arrived with an ineffectually struggling xena 3.0, and the flamenco-dancing ceiling angel has opinions about it

I wish I could comment on what just happened but honestly it was completely incomprehensible. I think the takeaway is that the scourge used to be a young boy who helped dracula kill the dudes who killed his wife, but that might have been remfield. the editing is too confusing to tell. also I’m not sure what any of this has to do with xena 3.0

“my friends will come for you, I however will continue to not do shit”

ooh he’s giving her the Edward Cullen Stare™ this poor woman attracts the weirdest guys

“what is you name?” TELL HIM. THE PUBLIC WANTS ANSWERS. WHAT IS YOUR NAME.

TELL HIM. TELL HIM. TELL HIM.

Oh okay it’s Alena, not Xena. Fair enough, at least she has a name now. honestly at first I thought she was the sidekick and esme was the main character.

“go ahead, kill me. free me from this horrible movie”

all right we all know she’s the reincarnation of dracula’s dead wife but sure let’s pretend it’s a mystery

REMFIELD, ESCORT HER TO THE ROYAL WING, AND SEND HER OUR FINEST LESBIANS

meanwhile, lucio and esme get a pep talk from leonardo, the only level headed person on earth, and someone finally mentions that esme and alena are sisters, which maybe should have been established half an hour ago but whatever

let me tell you I did not have high opinions of lucio’s chivalry and honor, but now that his band of roving misogynists has been killed off, he has somehow still managed to disappoint me. 

like I don’t want you to be in this movie either dude but you were the one who made out with a main character in act 1

meanwhile, dracula gestures dramatically at a portrait of his dead wife, which burns his hand for unclear reasons

“are not the women of the castle enough to... sate your appetite?” remfield asks as he, apropos of nothing, stands awkwardly close to help dracula undo his cravat. nevermind he’s not planning anything shady he’s just gay and possessive.

why is this shot so funny to me they’re just having a conversation like this

what the fuck who’s using a hedge trimmer and why is everything pink

oh that was what the director of this movie thinks conveys the concept of a nightmare. okay.

alena looks very confused to be in this room considering she was fully awake and cognizant when she was brought here

they either need to get better cgi or stop showing zoomed out shots of thunderclap castle

meanwhile, some of the ambient lesbians cuddle sensuously. once again, no reason for the scene’s brief presence in the movie is given and we just cut back to alena, who is still just going to chat with remfield.

“you know the stories” “yes but I never believed them to be true” THEN WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING FOR THE ENTIRETY OF ACT 1. WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU THINK THE LIGHT BRINGER WAS FOR, ALENA.

okay alena, zombie alexa already told us all this, you don’t need to repeat the entire prologue story.

“what do you know of love?” “god is love, eveything else is a pale shadow in comparison” well yeah you would think that since you go for guys like lucio.

“god has no power here” so that’s the reason for the ambient lesbians. christian repelling forcefield. sensible security system for a vampire tbh.

okay remfield we get it you’re in love with dracula, chill.

oh of course lucien is a descendant of cain. also I disagree with almost everything he’s said in the entire movie but “please spare me the whole family tree” is a mood.

“there they are, the carpathian mountains”

........ where

“it’s fitting that cain killed his brother with a scythe, he was a farmer, you know” I mean. yes. but he didn’t, it was a rock. he killed him with a rock. and it probably would have been a normal scythe without a magical blood-activated articulated blade propeller on the end. because, you know, he was a farmer. was this his special murder-scythe. I was actually more willing to accept this weapon’s existence before you tried to explain it.

wait apparently if dracula (descended from abel) gets it, its power reverses and it brings the dead back to life. which implies that its default power in the hands of cain’s descendants is to make the living dead. which uh. is also what regular scythes do if you hit someone with them. I’m becoming less and less sold on the magical powers of this thing. 

alena is trying to convince some of the ambient lesbians that dracula is evil and they’re not buying it.

“he’s nice to us! come, I’ll show you!” wait are we finally going to get an explanation about the lesbians. are they taking her to the secret magical lesbian chambers where they have the lesbian meetings.

OH MY GOD I WAS JOKING

there’s like. chipper flute music and they’re all dancing and twirling her around and bewitching her with their lesbian magic

she seems cautiously into it though, which isn’t surprising since her last kiss set a real low bar

apparently he’s only nice to them when they don’t try to seduce his reincarnated wife. I love how he doesn’t look furious so much as exasperated. he’s just like “ugh, this shit again”

also shoutout to the token twinks in the background there, I assume they’re just here for remfield’s benefit

ooo the lesbians do not like remfield, he’s mean to them. I’m calling it now he’s gonna get eaten and not in a fun way.

oh my god there’s a little village comprised entirely of monster/demon slayers

this is literally the town from The Ballad of Edgardo

his name is Andros, son of Cormac the Wolfslayer, a demon hunter from beyond the frozen seas, and after five seconds I already like him better than any other character in this movie. I want a movie that’s just him and Leonardo wandering around hunting demons. that would be a better movie.

“what we are seeking is no ordinary demon... but a vampyr”  

[O M I N O U S  C H I M E]

“lord dracula is as cunnink... as he is stronk.” - leonardo van helsing, my second favorite character

“to be bitten and not drink of dracula’s blood... is a suffering.. without end...................... so! my friend! is this danger a price you are willing to pay? :)” -also leonardo

see look how much fun andros and leonardo are having. this movie would be so much better if lucien wasn’t here being a wet blanket and moping because they won’t give him alcohol

MAKE ANDROS THE CHOSEN ONE. MAKE ANDROS THE CHOSEN ONE. DEPOSE LUCIEN.

cue yet another timely thunderclap. seriously, every time.

“only the lord god can give eternal life! what you’re doing is blasphemy!” “DAMMIT, WHAT ARE WE KEEPING THESE LESBIANS AROUND FOR”

“here try on this ostentatious necklace that belonged to my dead wife, no reason just do it”

and there goes the floaty piano music again, this girl will fall for literally anyone.

so nobody knows where dracula’s castle is, which is weird since it’s huge and has a loud thunderstorm going on for miles around it at all times that constantly lights it up like a beacon. but I mean the entire mountain range it’s rumored to be in is apparently invisible, so who knows.

dracula: I have a loneliness inside my heart

remfield, visibly suffering from his eternally unrequited crush on the only straight vampire in existence: let me guess. miss alena.

ambient lesbians: [twirl and sashay past in the background]

oh noes, the scourge is attacking demon hunter village. I’m sure this will end well for him.

I fucking love andros

so lucien killed the power ranger villain with his scythe of inaccurate biblical allegory, and somehow it hurt dracula. I may never understand what that thing and his relationship to dracula actually is. ah well, he’s dead now.

andros is fine and that’s all that matters.

okay, never before has a movie contained so much concentrated insane bullshit that I had to split it into three parts, but I think that’s what I’m going to do with this one. lucien and esme have run off to go save alena, and the Murder Uncles, sadly, are staying behind to defend the village for when the squeaking goblins return in force

tune in next time to find out whether any of this comes to any sort of logical or sane conclusion. it probably won’t.

[caithyra]

Vampire Game Reviews Part 1

This Halloween I sat down and played a bunch of vampire themed games and decided to review them. First up, Vampire Legends: The True Story of Kisilova, Dracula: Origin and Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines. I might get around to Vampire the Masquerade: Redemption and Dracula: Love Kills in a later post.

I use my own 5-scale gradation in this:

0: Either I couldn’t force myself to finish it, or I was more relieved it was over than anything else. 1: I had no fun, but there might have been something fun in there… maybe…? 2: More bad than good. 3: About evenly good and bad. I actually start having more fun than not. 4: A solid entertainment piece. Has it’s blemishes, but despite that I like it. 5: Almost perfect (perfection is a myth). I had lots of fun and am satisfied.

(Semi-minor spoilers below. Unless you’ve gone quite far into the games, you likely wont suss out what’s happening until it’s happening.)

Vampire Legends: The True Story of Kisilova: You’re an investigator for the Hapsburg Empire going to the small town of Kisilova, recently beset by a killer leaving bloodless victims behind them. Rumors of vampires abound. After a series of mishaps the rumors do not feel so farfetched. Especially not when a mysterious, young woman enters the picture.

(Left: The Beginning of the Adventure with our buddy and hint machine. Right: The first of many, many hidden objects screens in this game.)

Okay, it is a point-and-click visual novel adventure thing that’s really short (less than 5 hours, and I think I left the game — and the clock — running for a while at some point), and also cheap. It was enjoyable enough, the music was forgettable but good enough, the graphics nice and atmospheric enough and the story was short and serviceable. The problems mainly came through the game-play; this game relied faaar too heavily on hidden object minigames, and those were unskippable, while all others were skippable after a short while. Fortunately, your partner can give hints to speed things along. As for my final decision in the winter-themed bonus chapter? Well, it was Halloween so I thought “why not?” and that was that for Europe. I always try to pick the most supernatural decision whenever I can lol (see Squirrel Elves in the Witcher franchise, or picking spell-sneaking classes in the Elder Scrolls).

My biggest problem with this game, however, is that I need to resize the resolution on my ultrawide monitor to play it without horizontal stretching distorting the art. The Options menu is seriously lacking in Options (actually, that whole menu is a mess that looks more at home in a Free-to-Play mobile game).

All in all, I generally liked it and its short nature meant that except for the hidden objects minigame, most of it didn’t outstay its welcome and it was really cheap (less than 4€ when I bought it, which is about the right price IMO. I think regular price is something like 9.99€?) so worth it. 3/5.

Dracula: Origin: You are Van Helsing. Yeah. That guy. And you have a missing friend, Harker, who had something to do with Dracula, and you have a pretty friend named Mina who ends up targeted by Dracula and now you must rush across the Old World to save her from a curse.

(Left: Yup, same dev as the Sherlock Holmes games. Middle: Vampires don’t like garlic breath. Right: Dammit Mina, I gave you ONE job. One. Job. All of this slow walking could have been avoided!)

Ah. Frogware. I generally like their Sherlock Holmes games, but this game… It felt more like a waste of my time. Oh, I’m sure there is a good game in there that isn’t a waste of time. Unfortunately, it is hidden behind the biggest time-sinks in the game: Van Helsing walks at half the speed of a normal person at all times and speaks really slowly, in conversations that has no branches, yet they will periodically be interrupted so that you can click on the next topic in the list (that wont reveal the next topic until you’ve listened to the topic listed before it). There’s this scene during a cave in when he says something like “quickly, we must make haste to escape!” and then you click on the exit and he waaaaaaaaalks slooooooooooooowlyyyyyy through it. It certainly doesn’t help that he must cross the entire span of the screen and backtrack locations many times and… AGH! RUN YOU FOOL!!

And, well, Frogware adventure game with its strange clues and non-clues and objects. There’s this bit in the first outdoor area when you have to capture some flies. Now, if you have followed the story logically, you will have a jar and a lid in your inventory. Easy, peasy, just click the flies with the jar, right? Nope. You must find a mourning veil hidden in the cemetery (that is large and that Van Helsing waaaaalks sloooooowlyyyyy through), use it on the flies and then combine the fly-ridden veil with the jar to get a jar of flies (I wont say what for because of spoilers, but, well, I don’t recommend eating during the Cemetery/Mansion part of the story if you have a phobia against bugs). There are also several objects that are basically five pixels on the screen because of the angle we’re viewing them at that we must find to pick up, and on the whole, I had more frustrations than fun with this story. Like, there’s even this puzzle minigame with a picture of Minos, the Labyrinth and the Minotaur and you find thread/string in the same house and wouldn’t you know it! The thread/string has nothing to do with the minigame and the minigame has nothing to do with the legend of the Minotaur!

On top of that, well, lets just say that the Egyptian section has quite a bit of stereotyping (think Victorian stereotypes of Egypt and its people in a modern game. Also, potential racism against white people must be prevented at all costs, including lying to a bereaved family), and when we run into our first, unliving female vampire she of course wears a top made of strips of cloth and a sheer skirt (you’d think a rich vampire’s favorite mistress would own a nice dress at least, but nope), and every woman (including dead of non-vampiric variety) have their beauty commented upon (and, of course, a young, pretty girl’s defilement/death is a tragedy, which is why it is so important to include that she was pretty).

And, well, this game markets itself heavily with Dracula at the forefront, not Van Helsing, yet while Dracula is the main antagonist, he only has a few, brief scenes, which were disappointing. All in all it was a 1/5.

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines: You are a fledgling of one of the Camarilla clans, recently thrust into the secret world hidden by darkness, and more specifically into one of the most fucked cities of the World of Darkness. After your illicit embrace into the undead by your executed sire, the Prince of the City has graciously offered to adopt you, provided you prove yourself worthy to the exacting clan of rulers. Except the prince’s domain is built on quicksand, and this is Los Angeles; the birthplace of the modern Anarchs, and one of the domains of the Kindred of the East, on top of the eternal, political dance all Kindred must dance, and you, baby vampire as you are, have no allies and no clue as how to proceed except to survive.

(Left: Told ya Velvet is a mascot in this game. Middle: Did you know that Mercurio was meant to handle the Voerman sisters and we wouldn’t have to go through sewers and a haunted hotel if he did his job? Right: Apparently the Chinese are masters of Japanese swords and the Ventrue need no neckbones...)

Here’s the thing about VtM:B: It is a very enjoyable game and definitely the definite vampire game out there. It also has no story for your character. “What about the Ankaran Sarcophagus?”, well, your character participates, but it does nothing to answer the questions we are immediately confronted with in the opening of the game: Why would our unknown sire, an upstanding member of Kindred society, break one of the Traditions (pretty much laws set in stone for all Kindred over the entire world) to embrace us? Why would the prince, whose sole job is to uphold the Traditions, then break one of the Traditions and allow the ill-begotten progeny live?

Except for the opening of the game, we never hear from our sire again, nor the questions raised during the opening. And that makes our player character a bit superfluous when any random neonate could serve just as well.

So if not story-telling, what does VtM:B do that makes people sing its praises? In short? Characters and the World. It is incredibly atmospheric and while characters don’t develop (vampires are static by nature in this world, and most characters in the game are entrenched in their places and wont be shaken by some random baby vampire showing up), they are all very distinct and written in different tones. However, if you’re not role-playing as an ignorant fledgling, but meta-playing with some Vampire the Masquerade lore known, you will feel extremely railroaded (if your character had any inkling of who Smiling Jack is in the World of Darkness, they would never believe his coarse but kind uncle-figure thing he’s got going on. Because even before a certain hugely Biblical spoiler got involved, Jack was an imposer, liar, manipulator and mass-murderer who has sired many, many thin-blooded vampires and abandoned them to their fates. There’s a reason why only ignorant neonates like Nines’ gang admires and likes him. What I just said is not a spoiler for the game, btw, because it never comes up because your character is an ignorant fledgling being manipulated and deceived by literally everyone. Maybe Velvet and Bertram don’t, but Velvet might seem so sweet when she convinces you to be her knight because of Presence and acting, and Bertram is a Nossie and they have major secrets within secrets).

And while it is easy to sink into the world of the game and roleplay, thus mitigating the railroading feeling above. This game was clearly written with an audience of White Male Teens in mind. We have Velvet (of the fashion-conscious Toreador clan) show up at the prince’s court in Elysium in only a lacy basque, g-string and thigh high fishnets, tall heels and not as much as a peignoir thrown on top. Yeah, she attends an important society function in her fetish underwear. Then we have the explicit sex life of game cover-girl Jeanette (yeah, the one dressed like a dilapidated school girl), and those two are THE female mascots of the game.

The less said about the Orientalism and the Kindred of the East the better, but that segues into how around the time you reach Chinatown, the game starts losing its luster and strengths. Okay, so if you’re sensitive to that kinda thing, you might notice it a little bit in Hollywood, but by the time Chinatown rolls around, you might notice how it is less immersive and how it starts to feel more and more gamey (specifically, Action gamey), and you get less options that isn’t some variant of “kill it”.

On top of that the game has technical issues if you do not use the fan-made patch (I always use Patch Plus, which restores cut content and quests, as well as ReShade for better anti-aliasing and sharpness), and it still has a few cropping up from time to time. At least it works perfectly well in ultrawide resolutions?

Still it has that charm, and despite its flaws and how I can think of a dozen complaints at the drop of a dime, I still love playing it. So it’s a 4/5 from me.

[itsmomorin]

Opposites Attract

Opposites Attract

- Momo Focus

Word Count: 2631

*Halloween Special 2017

“I’m here, where are you guys?” You spoke into your phone, as you stood in front of a large mansion. People were dancing, singing, drinking, in their elaborate and spooky costumes. There were ghosts, skeletons, werewolves, and even the Hulk was present. Actually scratch that, multiple Hulks, each of a different shade of green. Heavy EDM was blasting from the inside, and it looked like there was a bonfire set up in the backyard. Great, my costume is going to smell like smoke, alcohol, and more smoke. Sigh, why did I even come? You thought to yourself. Despite the immense number of exquisite and detailed costumes, you felt fully confident in your own outfit. You spent two months in advance, acquiring materials, constructing different parts, comparing different versions, as you finally managed to complete your costume. You patted the sides of your pants, your dual pistols hung from a leather belt, and you reached backwards to feel the smooth grip of the wooden crossbow you had made over two weeks. You were dressed in a black trench coat, along with boots, biker gloves, and a black witch hunter hat to top it all off. You were the most badass vampire hunter, well, at least at this party.

“You made it! Yeah, so we decided to kind of split up, you know, try our luck at different places instead of sticking together. We wouldn’t want to drag each other down. Anyways, some of us are upstairs, I’m in the basement, I think the rest are either outside or in the backyard.” Your friend said with a slight slur.

“Isn’t outside and the backyard the same thing?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways, don’t come bothering me, tonight's the night!”

“Ah yes, I almost forgot, all of you guys came to hook up with someone. Jeez, don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere near you. Don’t want people to know we’re associated.” You jokingly attacked.

“Yeah, sure, we’ll see who’s laughing tomorrow morning!”

“Alright, take it easy, bud. I’ll see you in the morning.” You concluded, hanging up, and approached the front porch. A girl dressed as a black cat noticed you approaching and opened the front door for you. She smiled at you, and gave you a little meow. You thanked her and slightly shivered when she meowed at you. Welp, I’m here, might as well try to enjoy this a little bit. Let’s see if they have any food around here, I skipped dinner because my shift ended late today. You bypassed individuals who were already passed out, people who held a stranger’s hand and led them into some corner to make out, and people that were casually drinking water and sat with the other sober people. Finally, you made it into the kitchen, and there they were, stacks of pizza boxes and wings in the corner. Please let there be a few pieces left. Please. You flipped open at least half of the boxes and they were all empty or someone had bitten parts of a pizza off. Are you kidding me? Pleaseee. Upon opening the last box, you found three intact pieces of pizza. You quickly snatched them all up onto your plate and walked away. You grabbed an empty seat away from the drunk people and began to wolf down the pizza. Then you overheard two girls speaking.

“I can’t believe they ran out of food… I should’ve listened to you, I should’ve ate more at home…” One girl spoke.

“Are you really that hungry? We can go grab something quick right now if you want, or we can leave earlier and find something.” The other girl responded.

“No, no, it’s okay, I’ll live. Go have fun, maybe there’s some snacks lying around. Don’t worry about me.” The first girl said and pushed her friend towards another group of girls. The second girl nodded and joined up with her other friends. You stopped eating for a moment and peeked over to the first girl. Your jaw dropped. She’s absolutely stunning. Wow. She wore an elegant crimson dress and her hair was frizzled and let loose around her shoulders. Then she bared her fangs. Vampire huh? Heh, what a coincidence. You watched her for a few more minutes as she practically flipped open each drawer and cabinet twice. You stared down at your plate, where two perfect slices remained. Come on, (Y/N), you’re not that hungry. Surely you can spare a few slices for this poor girl. You finished your first piece, opened your phone’s camera and wiped any tomato sauce or oil off of your mouth and approached the girl. She had finally given up and sat on one of the stools near a counter top.

“Hey? Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice that you were looking through the kitchen for something. If you don’t mind, I have two slices left here.” You said as you sat on an adjacent stool. The girl looked at you with an awkward expression, smiled quickly and shook her head.

“I didn’t do anything to these pieces, I swear. My name is (Y/N). What’s yours?” You desperately tried to save the conversation. I totally come off as a druggie right now, “Didn’t do anything to these pieces”? Smooth, (Y/N), smooth… The girl gave you a warm but distant look as she still refused to say anything. You could tell that you had failed. Completely and utterly failed. You took your two pieces of sad looking pizza and walked away from her.

“Hey there… hic… I don’t believe we’ve met before…” A drunk man spoke from behind you.

“Where do you think you’re going, little lady? hic... Cute costume, very spooky…” Another joined in.

You turned around to see the same girl being cornered by two drunk dudes who were still carrying their drinks around. She looked worried and extremely uncomfortable. Then all of a sudden, one of the men touched her bare shoulder with his hand, and your body instinctively moved forward to open a gap between the two men and the girl. The girl hid behind you, as you confronted the two.

“Who are you exactlyyy… hic.” The first man spoke.

“What do you think you’re doing?” The second chimed in.

“I could be asking you two the same questions. What do you think you’re doing with… my girlfriend?” You began strongly but began to waver at the end.

“She’s… your… girlfriend?” They both said together. They looked towards each other and laughed out loud in a disgusting manner. Why, I gotta… you thought to yourself, and suddenly a wave of confidence washed over you, as you stood up straighter than normal and projected your voice loudly and clearly for a second time.

“Yeah, she is. So I’m only going to say this once. Piss off.” You spoke coldly. The two men blinked several times as if they didn’t understand English. They looked pissed off now, as they set down their drinks and cracked a few knuckles.

“Who do you think you are?” The second man spoke angrily.

“Who am I? Can’t you tell. I’m Van Fucking Helsing.” You said with even more emotion. The two men didn’t flinch a single bit. Here we go. Again. Wait a second.

“If it’s a fight you want, then you’ll get one. But since there’s two of you, I get an advantage. See this wooden crossbow? I made it myself, quite proud of it to be honest. If I wanted to, this could probably break a few bones before it breaks. But why would I do that, when I can just load it with this metal bolt.” You explained, placing a bolt that was coloured silver onto the crossbow and pulling it back with an audible click at the end.

“So then, who wants to help me try this thing first?” You said with a grin. The two men moved their eyes onto your finely crafted crossbow and then back to you. They slowly backed off, took their drink and went outside.

“Thank- Thank you.” The girl behind you said quietly as she bowed a little. You nodded and smiled at her. You knew that you had made a bad impression before so you were just about to leave the girl alone once again but she spoke again.

“Uhm, I was wondering, if you still had the two pieces of pizza left?” The girl said again.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Here.” You eagerly responded and handed over your plate once again. The girl thanked you again and literally glowed as she received the pizza.

“Oh hold on, I think there’s a microwave around here somewhere. I just ate it without heating so I can heat it for you if you… want.” You said turning around only for a split second. When you turned back around, the girl had already ate half of the first slice. She paused as you watched her eat.

“I guess not, then.” You said with a chuckle. The girl laughed and choked since she was chewing. You sat back on the stool and hesitated before patting her back. She didn’t reject you.

“Sorry for my attitude from earlier. My friends told me to be careful of strangers. But you seem alright.” The girl apologized after swallowing her bite.

“No, I completely understand. I didn’t exactly make myself appear trustworthy.”

“I don’t know why I came, I’m a party person usually, but I don’t think I like this ‘kind’ of party that much.”

“I ask myself the same question. I came with my friends but they came a bit early and are probably hammered by now. So now here I am, making myself look like an antisocial person/druggie who creeps on sober girls.” You jokingly said. The girl had stopped eating and gave you a wide eyed look.

“It’s a joke… haha. I swear.”

“I know, I’m just messing with you.” The girl dropped her expression and giggled.

“Why are you here then? If you don’t enjoy these types of parties.” You asked.

“Well, I’m here to keep my friends in check. Especially that one. See that girl dressed as a red hot devil? She’s a handful.”

“I wish I could say the same, but my friends all want me as far away as possible.”

“They’re trying to hit on some girls?”

“How did you… yeah, they are. They don’t really have any good luck with girls, so I’m probably here until one of them throws up or gets into a fight.”

“You gonna pull out that crossbow again?” The girl teased.

“I’ll have you know, I really did make this crossbow myself. It took me two whole weeks.”

“Really? Let’s see, give it here.”

You obeyed and gave your crossbow over. The girl pretended to shoot you as she aimed at you with one eye.

“No true vampire hunter gives over their weapon so easily to a vampire.” She commented as she aimed.

“Yeah? Well, I didn’t think vampires were weak enough to get bullied by two drunks.” You reflected back at her.

“Fine, fine, fair enough.” The girl said after licking off the sauce off of her fingers. She returned your crossbow and stretched a little as she put down the empty plate.

“Do you want to move this conversation somewhere else? Things are a bit… chaotic here.” You suggested.

“Sure.” The girl replied warmly. The two of you were going to go downstairs but you heard yelling and the smashing of bottles, then the two of you tried upstairs, but all of the doors were locked and some very inappropriate noises echoed from within the rooms. The backyard and pool were filled with shirtless people. So it was the front porch for the two of you, no one was there, not a single soul. Luckily, you wore multiple layers underneath so you handed your trench coat and scarf to the girl since it was chilly outside.

“Oh!” The girl suddenly exclaimed right after the two of you sat on the steps.

“What is it?”

“I forgot to introduce myself… ahem. My name is Momo. Nice to meet you, (Y/N).” She announced and extended her hand.

“You remember my name?” You asked, astonished, and shook her hand.

“Of course I did. You weren’t that creepy. Good try.”

“Well, sorry, next time I’ll try harder. I’ll put an excessive amount of sugar onto the pizza.”

Momo giggled at your sense of humor. Even her laugh is beautiful. Who is this girl. The two of you ended up sitting out there for the entire night. No one came to bother the two of you, no one saw the two of you. It was like you two were in your own little world together. Even when everyone began to sleep, or were too drunk and passed out. Finally, the sky began to light up with hues of orange, red, and yellow streaks that peeked through the horizon.

“Is it really morning already?” You asked, still feeling as awake as when you showed up at the party.

“We talked for a long time huh? Funny how I don’t feel tired at all. Hm, I wonder if Sana is feeling any better.”

“Who’s Sana?”

“Oh, one of my dearest friends, she got sick right before this party so she opted to stay home by herself. I’ll see her soon, I’m sure she’s fine now.”

“Okay, I’m sure she’s feeling better by now. So did you enjoy 2017’s Halloween? It’s officially over now.” You said, standing up and stretching a little.

“It’s not over yet. The Sun’s not completely up. I’m a vampire remember? I’ll burn up in sunlight. Completely combust. Then it’s over.” Momo joked, pointing at the Sun that slowly creeped up from behind the hills. You smiled, and took your long trench coat off of Momo then you held it up high with your hands, creating a cover between the sunlight and Momo.

“If that was the case, I think I’d be the only vampire hunter to protect you. I’d hold up my coat like this, and create a shield for you. Because I don’t want you to disappear.” You said as you stared straight into Momo’s eyes. She stood up, and kissed you gently on your cheek.

“Thank you, (Y/N). You’re very sweet. Thank you for making my 2017 Halloween enjoyable.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I should go now, my friends are probably waiting for me at home. They left already and I had told them that I was in good hands. They’re probably getting worried by now.”

“Ahem, uh, yes, yes you should.”

Momo proceeded to walk away from you, but before you could fully let her just go, you spoke up again.

“Hey! Will I… see you again?” You asked, feeling extremely shy all of a sudden.

“Maybe you will, maybe you won’t.” Momo replied without turning her head, she waved to you and continued to walk away. I can’t believe I just let her go.

Brrt!

Your phone vibrated against you, you had forgotten that you had placed your phone in the inside pocket of your trenchcoat. You took it out and scrolled through the notifications.

“Where are you?!?”

“I need my wingman ASAP. Please.”

“I’ll buy you twenty hot wings next time we go out.”

“Fourty.”

“We’re all heading home now… no one got lucky. For the fourth year in a row. Sigh.”

“You coming with us or what?”

“Hello? (Y/N)?”

“Alright well we’re leaving so have fun with whatever you’re doing.”

You carefully read through your friends texts and laughed to yourself. You swiped all of the texts away. You suddenly paused when you came upon a text that was hidden among the rest from an unknown number. It read…

“Your favourite vampire.”

I know, I know, it’s been like two weeks since Halloween, are you serious right now? Well I am completely serious. Hahaha, I couldn’t help but write something for Halloween so please enjoy this scenario! If you’re interested in another Halloween themed scenario, I have one on my sideblog (Hamzzisana) and see if you can find some similarities between the two... 

- itsmomorin