#like I've addressed that and now I'll go on to what I really think

[gallavanger-mars]

[Image ID: Three frames of a cartoon, with subtitles reading "intersex, moving with the wind and setting out towards Japan", "start up the engine", and "increase the soup". There is a fourth image, which is an edited version of the third frame, where the caption says "decrease the increase". End ID.]

This may be unnecessary context, but I've seen a couple tags asking about what the hell the original images are coming from, and since I happen to be a fan of the series I figured I'd give a little context.

As some people have correctly identified, the cartoon is Mazinger Z, from 1972. This isn't relevant to the soup being increased, but Mazinger Z is the first ever piloted giant robot anime, which I think is very neat. However, as many people have already figured out, the subtitles here are awfully translated.

There's actually additional history to the subtitles, because they used to be sort of a meme (speaking only from research, I wasn't online or in these circles when they were really popular), and they were called "crabstick subs". They were called this because a remote-control staff device was called a crabstick in the first episode's subtitles. For some reason. The term was popular enough that it referred to any weird subtitle, not just one in Mazinger Z.

[Image ID: A frame of the Mazinger Z cartoon, depicting the antagonist, Dr. Hell, holding a staff, subtitled "Only with this crabstick, I can control the enormous Mechanical Beasts Army". End ID.]

Crabstick subs are not the only subtitles that exist for Mazinger Z, of course, and I've been watching it with way better subtitles (done by Discotek Media, I think). Naturally, I think it'd be fun to go and get the better subtitles for the Soup Increasing scene, and compare. Here they are, from episode 65, The Balloon Bomb Carried by the Wind:

[Image ID: The three frames of the cartoon with different subtitles. They now read "Take the underwater fortress Bood to Japan!", "Yes, sir! Iron Masks, start engines!", and "Submerge!" End ID.]

First I'll address some missing elements. "Intersex" referred to Baron Ashura, the character in the second and third frames. They are literally half-man-half-woman, split down the middle. The newer subtitles did call out Baron Ashura's name, though that was moved to the previous set of words. "Moving with the wind" likely refers to the titular Balloon Bombs, which were carried by the wind. Somehow that got mixed into the commands for Baron Ashura.

And the star of the show... "increase the soup"... is "Submerge!"

This is a command for the underwater fortress Bood, which is like a big evil submarine. If you think about it "increase the soup" does make sense for a submarine lowering into the water. The soup level, the water level, is increasing comparatively to the vessel.

[wizlizbelle3]

My challenge to induce pure consciousness before Christmas🎄

Hello everyone,

So I know that in my earlier posts I said that I am not really in favor of challenges but I see a lot of people struggling and overcomplicating the void and I've decided to make a challenge that will get you into the void state in less than 3 days if you really stick to it, and if you don't stick to it consistently, you'll still be able to get into the void before December 25th (which is like 26 days away from now).

The challenge is to use SATs to enter the void state and I'll explain how. But first, y'all need to understand what the void is exactly.

SO when you have to eat your breakfast, do you google or search youtube videos on how to eat? Or if you want to fall asleep, do you google how to fall asleep? We actually don't know what causes us to fall asleep if you think about it. So when we set the intention, our subconscious follows through because we've always been doing it and no one told us that sleeping is not real. So the void state is just another state of consciousness that doesn't need to be forced and it cannot be forced. You just set the intention. However, people have been programmed to believe that things like the void are too good to be true (SMFH).

SOOOOO here's the challenge:

STEP ONE is to do ANY kind of yoga, workout, or stretch before bed. You can do breathing sitting up or simply a meditation to calm your mind. Make sure to not use electronics before bed for at least an hour.

STEP TWO is to get into a comfortable position. It doesn't matter which position, just one that you know you can stay in for as long as necessary.

STEP THREE is to choose what you want to do in SATs. To induce the void, you choose to induce the void. You can say it to yourself or just relax and know what you want.

STEP FOUR is to begin to relax your body. You can do PMR where you tense then release each part of your body, then do breathing or anything until you have become completely relaxed.

STEP FIVE is to either visualize waking up with your desired face or whatever thing you want to get from the void and telling someone that you induced the void. Anything that indicates that you woke up in the void. OR you use the lullaby method where you pick one affirmation (I am in the void aware or I have induced pure consciousness). OR you can do both.

STEP SIX is to make sure you go to sleep with this affirmation or visualization in your mind. This is probably the most important part and what makes this method successful.

Please go watch "Neville Goddard Ladder lecture" in order to get how this works. BUT IT D O E S. Stop being so needy and do the challenge. It's literally not hard and there's no "failure". It's just a state.

Oh, and I made a playlist that I'll link down below for you to listen to throughout the day. It's not necessary but it helped me be happy and get rid of the "omg nothing wowks fow meeeeeee :(((" mentality. I will also link a good, trustworthy SATs subliminal that i used YEARS ago (like two years) and then didn't use again because I became obsessed with trying new methods.

If you have any questions, you can message me BUT I am enjoying my life rn and chilling so I won't respond immediately. Plus, everything you need to know is already on @b4ddprincess 's page and also my earlier posts address tons of things. Again, stop being needy.

[ame-to-ame]

love being nd and have the tism wolf Inside me be so drastically uncomfortable with uncertainty that i physically cannot think about school and having to deal w the unknown of that whole situation without losing 5lbs in 2 days

[applejarjar]

realizing I missed my window to have a very important and soul bearing conversation with my boss

[quantomeno]

Oh yeah, you're completely right about asking Greg about every little thing. I only offered that as a starting point, partly because sometimes Greg gives his reasoning for why he chooses certain things and that's a little more interesting than his 'decisions' on canon (which are themselves often inconsistent with previous things he or others have said).

Which is why in the end I just said what I personally think is a good idea.

The issue with Bionicle is that there are a lot of things that are quite set in stone, and the fans (and myself too sometimes) have a desire to make sure things are consistent with what we know, to have it all line up nicely. Like, The Knowledge Tower videos about the physics of the MU are fun (and I salute @rahiwatching's dedication to them and look forward to watching them), but again they sort of play into this idea that we can know how the MU works, that there is one correct answers. Even the wording of your first post feels like a search for the true answer (I expect it was more a bunch of rhetorical questions to illustrate all the paths you could take these ideas, and you aren't actually after the 'true' answer).

So yeah, the point I was trying to make in that above paragraph is we really should decide what we like and what we think works. I mean it's been well over ten years since all these stories ended. It's not like our individual headcanons will get disproven by anything new.

But back to Kaitas because that's more fun to talk about. I kind of like the Hau as the default Kaita mask because it is a representation of Mata Nui. And then only its colour and name changes depending on the type of kaita (and the power mix of course). But I do prefer Wairuha with a Miru. I think it looks better. But then that would lead to the question of what would determine the shape if say none of thetoa wore a Miru? OK yeah now I'm doing the rhetorical question thing, it really is just the natural way to say these things.

I mean, I enjoy discussing what ifs and how does it work sort of things, but I don't think we need to all conform to one true canon based on what one guy among a whole team of people said. Particularly for the early years where Greg wasn't even doing a lot of the writing (MNOG, Hapka's stories, etc etc).

The other thing about running to greg about stuff is that when you're a kid playing with Bionicles, you just make stuff up as you please. You stick Matoro, Hahli and Kongu together to make a kaita and name it whatever and it is whatever you say it is. There's no cannon. It doesn't matter. It doesn't ever appear in the story so this has no bearings on anything whatsoever. Canon now that Bionicle has ended should be treated much the same way. Especially because we have so many conflicting accounts of things (talking of Kaitas, they're battle with the manas is a good example of contradictions). Just pick the pieces and stick them together to make something you think looks cool.

I am plagued by thoughts of Toa Kaita and how their names and titles are determined.

Is every single one unique? That leaves the most room for creativity, and means the result of each fusion is dependent on the personalities of the individual Toa components, which seems like the most narratively satisfying option. But also, if every possible Kaita is unique, how do they avoid overlapping domains? Eventually Valour or Wisdom are going to be really fitting for some other combination of three Toa, or they'll just run out of fancy mental concepts to name themselves after.

Alternatively, do the names, or maybe just the titles, of any given Toa Kaita, depend on the elemental combination used to form them? Does every instance of Ta-Toa+Po-Toa+Onu-Toa result in Akamai? Does every instance of Ga-Toa+Ko-Toa+Le-Toa result in a Toa of Wisdom? I went and learned some math specifically to determine that there are 560 different possible 3-element combinations that can be formed from the 16 Toa elements, assuming all three have to be different, because that makes the most sense to me. 546 if Light and Shadow could not coexist within a single Kaita for some reason, and 455 if you don't count Shadow at all. Those are still really big numbers! But it seems a lot more feasible to come up with 500-ish attributes for each combination to represent than for each of the infinite combinations of individuals to result in something completely unique. But then again, it seems awfully limiting to simply assign a default attribute based on elemental alignment without taking into account the personalities of the constituent Toa at all. Would Vakama, Onewa, and Whenua really result in a Valour combination rather than something more tailored to them? Could Tuyet and Nidhiki really be part of a Wisdom combination?

Then perhaps there is a set number of possible Kaita and which of the limited (but likely still beyond extensive) list of possibilities the fusion forms is dependent on the three Toa's personalities? That feels like it's getting dangerously close to personality-based categorization though, and I've seen enough bad YA to know that's never a good idea.

Is any of this important at all? Oh no, not at all, we only ever see two Toa Kaita in the entire story and even they barely matter, this absolutely isn't the sort of thing that needs to be thought about deeply at all. But here I am, distracted by it anyway.

[yikesmary]

PREGNANCY CRAVINGS — choi seungcheol x reader

summary: where being pregnant comes with its struggles, and one of them just so happens to be the random pregnancy cravings. so, in the middle of the night, you try to sneak out and go to the convenience store nearby and buy something to satisfy your craving. however, your husband wakes up and insists to accompany you—even if he’s barely awake.

notes: the convenience store i've pictured in mind are like the ones i've seen in korea. but i don't really address where this occurs in, so use your imagination!

disclaimer: i'm not pregnant or have been pregnant so everything i write about pregnancy is most likely not true and therefore shouldn't be taken as fact (unless it's true, but make sure it's validated by an actual medical professional).

join my taglist!

“Oh, Cheol, you absolute asshole,”

You tried using all your strength to push your husband’s sleeping figure away from you, the heat coming from his body was too much for you. Trying to move him away was an obstacle, especially because he was working out more as of lately.

But finally, you had managed to cause enough noise in trying to move him that Seungcheol finally moved himself, scooting more onto his side.

You looked down at your pregnant belly and told your unborn child, “All that effort I put into moving him, and all he has to do is move himself?”

Huffing, you stood up and went to your closet, looking for an appropriate shirt to change into in order to go to the convenience store. In hindsight, you could probably have used your phone to order something, but the problem was you didn’t know what you were craving.

You knew that the baby was craving something, but didn’t know what. So, you decided that you were going to walk to the store and let the baby decide while walking through the aisles.

You rummaged through your clothes before going through Seungcheol’s side of the closet. As the pregnancy goes on, you’ve found yourself wearing more of Seungcheol’s clothes since they seemed to fit you better and were comfier than the maternity clothes that you never wore.

"What are you doing?"

You turned around in surprise to see Seungcheol standing, looking quite comfy in his pajama pants and a random old shirt. Being the one for dramatics (which you probably got from your husband), you put your hand on top of where your heart was. "You scared me! I think I almost gave birth then," you said.

He rolled his eyes and then rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "What are you doing?" He repeated.

"Oh, I was gonna go to the convenience store. The baby wants to eat something," you told him.

"Can't the baby wait for the morning?"

"The baby wants to eat, now."

"Then why don't you order something?"

"The baby doesn't know what to eat," you sheepishly said.

He looked at you for a moment, before reaching behind you to grab a hoodie. "Fine, let's go," he said, turning to leave yours and his' bedroom.

"I'm fine on my own," you insisted.

"You're pregnant and it's two in the morning. I'm coming with you," Seungcheol said, before yawning.

"Cheol, you're barely awake enough to be coming with me. You need your sleep," you gently said, but he was stubborn.

"I'm suddenly hungry too, so I'll just come with you to buy some food," he said.

Once you and Seungcheol entered the convenience store, you were greeted by the quietness of the place and the single employee that was stood behind the cash register.

You looked around the aisles while your husband followed not too far away from you. "Choose what you want, I'll be paying," he instructed and you didn't bother to argue, considering he always insisted on paying.

Wandering around, you grabbed your favorite snacks, a couple ramen cups, and a few of Seungcheol's favorite foods. Realizing that you should've gotten a basket, you looked at Seungcheol, who seemed to be amused with your current predicament of full hands.

"Don't laugh, it's not funny!" you whined, but he only seemed to amuse further with your comment.

Wordlessly, he left the aisle to grab a basket. When he returned with the basket, you dumped everything in it, and he carried it while you walked around the aisles one last time.

After making sure you didn't want anything else, Seungcheol went to the register, with you waddling behind him.

"Was it worth it to ruin our sleeping schedules for this?" Seungcheol teased, and you nodded with a mouthful of ramen noodles.

He shook his head but opened his mouth and you put a chopstick with ramen noodles on it in his mouth. "Not bad," he said and you beamed at his compliment.

"Is the baby satisfied with the food?"

"Yep, and the baby is finally tired enough to sleep," you said.

Waddling to your bedroom, with Seungcheol not too far from you, you settled into your bed, and closed your eyes.

"Sweetie?"

"Yes, Cheol?"

"I can't sleep now,"

[yourmidnightlover]

the story

pairing: mob!bucky barnes x reader

w/c: 3.5k+

summary: the weeks following bucky ordering that steve be your bodyguard, followed by an insightful night at a gala with your beloved husband.

warnings: mention of the incident with john (groping), slight threats of violence, mention of fear, lip on lip action (the upstairs ones), if i've missed anything please let me know!!

a/n: hiii! the third installment of my forever? series! i didn't even intend for this to be more than one part, but you guys have inspired me to write more for it! my writing schedule is a bit off since i recently started a new job, but i'll try to be a bit consistent with it. i hope you guys enjoy this next part, more to come!

part 2 -> control

the first few weeks with steve as a bodyguard wasn’t too bad. he was actually kinda funny in a grandpa kinda way, and he was an amazing listener. you had bounced a few ideas for your book off of him and he seemed to be very intrigued by some of the plot points you had planned. he even promised to be one of the first customers, right behind bucky (which you may have rolled your eyes at), of course, as long as he was promised a signed copy.

but, at the two month mark you began to miss your independence. of course, the chef bucky had hired was amazing and had years of experience in italian cuisine, but sometimes a girl just wanted some greasy smash burger to chow down on. most nights you ate alone with steve until bucky walked through the front door. 

he always seemed beaten down and tired, as though work was more straining than usual. he would shrug his jacket off, place it on the hook by the door, then his shoes on the rack, and walk upstairs to shower before coming downstairs to eat as you and steve were finishing your plates. you tried your best to start conversation, to be the best company you could but eventually the silence always grew awkward and steve would usher you to go upstairs to your room with a pressed smile. 

after two months of not really needing to show you off i any way, there was an important gala for him to attend. of course, that means that you were to be his beloved arm candy for the night. 

“buck sent me the address for a local boutique that he thinks would be right up your alley,” steve read from his phone as you took a stroll in the garden that was full of beautiful colors. “the appointment is at 3:45, so we have plenty of time to get ready and head there too. oh and he says you should get something in that one shade of green… i’m assuming you know what that is?” his brows raise in confusion, as your mirror his in a stunned expression. 

“surprisingly, i do know what he means for once.” about six weeks before the wedding, you had spent an all nighter with him amidst all of the chaotic planning. 

“accent colors are super important! right now, all we have is an off white color, and while it’s a good color, i don’t want my wedding to wash everyone out that much,” you shoved his side as you sprawled your binders out on the coffee table. 

“i say… green,” he says after pondering for a minute. 

“green… like tree green?” you chuckled at the notion. 

“i mean the green that’s light yet earthy, not too dark but not scream-in-your-face bright. it’s beautiful. plus, i think you’d look stunning in it,” he shrugs casually as if he hadn’t described a mundane color in such an alluring way.

“so a sage green?” 

“maybe more on the jade green side,” he tried to hide a smile as his thumb began to mindly trace nonsense on your thigh. 

there was such elegance in the way he described the simple color, as if saying light green wouldn’t have sufficed. clearly, there was a significance to the mundane shade that he felt the need to recommend it. 

but you knew not to ask anything further to pry, doubting his readiness to comply so easily so early in your relationship. while it was during the happiest days of your relationship, you still knew he held you at arms length. 

at the appointment, you had found several dresses in the perfect color, but only one stood out to you after trying them on. steve was also a good guide in ensuring you were choosing the right one, although you’re sure he would just say every dress looked good regardless. 

growing up, you’d read about a love that was so encapsulating that one would rather face death than be without their lover. you’d yearned for that kind of love. the kind of love that was consuming and irreversible. the kind of love where your partner wouldn’t love you in spite of your flaws, but because of them. 

and now you were married to a man who didn’t seem to feel an ounce of that towards you. sure, the months leading up to your wedding made it seem otherwise. it made you hopeful that he could maybe grow to love you, as you could grow to love him. 

because truthfully, it was hard to see many flaws in the man, other than those that were rumored in the tabloids. you’d read or heard of his anger issues and his lack of patience but abundance of irritability. yet all you’d observed is his laughter, his diligence and compassion. 

it was definitely confusing to want to believe these two contradicting tales of composure, but ultimately seeing is believing. you’d decided to believe whatever he showed you, what was right in front of his face rather than believe whatever was whispered in your ear. besides, if something was worth believing it should be said with their full chest rather than in such a low tone. 

-

“almost ready?” bucky’s low voice rang through the door as you were doing finishing touches on your hair, making sure you looked as presentable as possible. 

“i just have to put the dress on, and i’ll be ready to go!” you replied, unzipping the bag that the dress came in, even though you suggested that doing so was overkill.

“let me know if you need any help.” you heard a thud from the other side that suggested that he was leaning against the door, waiting to hear if you did happen to need any assistance. 

you replied in silence, just stepping into the dress and lifting the straps over your shoulders. it was such a beautifully made gown, truly. it hugged you in the most flattering places, accentuating just the right amount without flaunting too much. the material felt like a warm hug from a lifelong friend, you almost never wanted to take it off. 

the only downside was the damn zipper. it was a bit rough to pull over your hips alone, but once you reached your mid back it seemed to reach a snagging stop. you twisted your arms every way possible, trying to avoid the totally cliche scene of calling him in to zip you up. 

alas, the universe had other plans for you. although, how much could you complain when that would mean his rough, yet gentle hands would be against your skin…

“...bucky?” your voice meekly called out, trying to interrupt your own thoughts from spiralling down the path you wanted them to so bad. 

“yea?” his voice piped up, seeming to jump an octave or two in the process. maybe you jst startled him. 

“could you maybe help me zip this thing up?” you became quiet before the twisting of your doorknob broke the silence. “my arms can’t quite contort the way they need to in order to zip this all the way…” you refused to meet his eyes as he trailed inside the room. 

the first sign of his presence was his hands grasping your shoulders, lightly tracing down your arms. then he leaned down to press a kiss to your bare shoulder, more affectionate than he’d been the entire duration of your marriage without it being prompted. 

“you look beautiful,” he pressed another kiss to your other shoulder before letting his hands fall to a respectable place on your waist, stepping back to seemingly find where the zipper got stuck. “but what’s new, right?”

you chuckled at the compliment. 

“what’ve you been doing recently?” you asked meekly. “i haven’t seen you much at all since steve started his new gig as my babysitter.”

he sighed, stopping his antics to clarify what he felt he needed to. “he’s not a babysitter. he’s my best friend, and the only person i trust to look after the woman that i-the woman that i married, okay?” you felt his deep breathing on your neck before he continued, “i don’t know where john is yet. john is notorious for taking whatever he thinks is his and that night he made it very clear what he believed.” he turned you around to face him, the dress’ zipper be damned. “if anything happens to you… just the thought keeps me up at night. i need you to understand,” his voice was desperate, pleading almost. 

you understood what he was saying. at least, you were pretty sure you did. men in positions of power like bucky typically saw the people around them as pawns. part of you thinks that he’s saying all of this as the controlling, possessive boss man bucky. and that’s the large part of you. but the small part of you, the part of you that still believes in that fairytale love you used to read about, believes that maybe he’s saying all of this because he does feel something for you… something real. 

but that part of you is like… 15 percent. maybe 20…

“i understand,” you nodded, meeting his eyes and seeing desperation, fear. seeing fear radiating from a man that projects a version of himself that’s fearless is a scary thing. 

“good,” he nodded, his eye contact faltering to the dress that clung to your body. “you look indescribable, i’m a lucky man to call you mine.” once again, he grasped your shoulders to turn you around.

this time, he promptly found the zipper, his metal hand tracing nonsensical patterns on your shoulder as he zipped the dress with his flesh one. 

“all done,” he pressed a lingering kiss to your right shoulder. “my beautiful bride.” you wanted to believe him. 

“thank you,” you took a deep breath as you turned to face him. “so, tonight… what should i be expecting?” “well, there are a few people i’ll introduce you to, and a few i have to talk to. but i’ll be with you the whole time,” he pressed his hands into his pockets. “i scheduled a car to take us, and we have about 10 minutes before it should get here.”

“so we’ll be playing the roles of loving wife and doting husband?” you nudged his shoulder before you went to grab your shoes. 

“playing? this is all real, sweetheart,” he took the shoes from your hands, promptly dropping to his knees. 

“what are you-”

“i’m putting your shoes on, my love.” you chuckled before he guided your hand to his shoulder. “gonna want to hold on.” he picked up one of your legs by your calf, grabbing the correct shoe before slowly placing your foot inside and doing the same for your other shoe.

meanwhile, you were stuck staring down at him like a lovesick idiot. this behemoth of a man was beneath you treating you like a princess by putting your heels on for you. what the hell kind of alternate universe have you entered and how can you never leave?

“well, aren’t you a romantic?” you cleared your throat as he remained on his knees, a sight you could get used to. 

“don’t let the news spread around town,” he chuckled as he let your remaining foot hit the ground but not without pressing a kiss to your ankle. “i can’t have others knowing how enamored i am by you, can we?” “enamored?” you chuckled out. “what a word,” you shook your head as you helped him to his feet. 

“the perfect word.” he trailed his hand to a loose strand of hair, twirling it around his flesh fingers before he sighed, “the car should be here soon. we should head downstairs for it.”

it was a 45 minute ride there. you sat in a respectable silence, this time it wasn’t as awkward as it has been in the past. upon arrival, the door was swiftly opened for you, bucky getting out first and then offering his hand to help you step out. the first thirty minutes of the gala went very similarly. he would introduce you to a new face or say ‘hello’ to a familiar one, wrap his arm snugly around your waist before pressing a kiss to your cheek and move on to the next person. 

for a bunch of folks in banking and finance, everything seemed very high stakes. there seemed to be walls up all around you, from each man and woman you said a brief hello to or were meeting for the first time. everyone had decided to adorn a mask for the night, or maybe the mask was a semi-permanent fixture. maybe they’d worn the mask for so long they forgot how to function without one. you hoped you wouldn’t face the same fate.

to be doomed to fake face for so long that you no longer remember what was once real. you wanted something real, even if what you and bucky had was technically fake when you were in public. something about what happened behind closed doors when nobody was around gave you the illusion that part of it was real. 

“have i told you how ravishing you look tonight?” bucky held you close as you swayed to the soft melody. his metal hand was clutching your waist, his flesh hand holding your own.

“i think in different words, yes,” you both began to laugh at his flattery. “you don’t have to keep doing that, y’know? the compliments and everything… i think people get the idea that this is real by now.”

“you don’t get it, do you?” he shook his head before he moved his vibranium hand to your chin, nudging it up for you to meet his eyes. 

“get what?”

“buck,” steve’s voice interrupted your dance, but that didn’t stop bucky from pulling you taut to his side.

steve leaned in to whisper in his ear, but you were able to tell by his stone cold expression that whatever message that was being relayed to him wasn’t as delightful as the desserts from tonight. 

“when?” you barely registered bucky’s low voice over the music. 

steve went back to whispering in his ear and it wasn’t until he pulled back that you wanted to speak up, “what’s going on?”

bucky looked down to you, and when you looked into his eyes, what you saw was very similar to your earlier conversation with him. this time, however, there seemed to be anger buried beneath the stoic traces of fear. that’s when it clicked.

“did they find him?” his jaw clenched and unclenched.

“you told her about-”

“i told her what she deserves to know,” bucky interrupted steve’s accusatory tone. “you don’t get to question me or the decisions i make, especially not when those decisions are in regards to my wife.”

you weren’t sure if bucky was defending you or himself with the way he jumped on steve’s gears. 

“okay, got it,” steve rse his hands in defense before he nodded. 

“what steve was telling me was in regards to him, yes,” bucky clarified. “but it’s nothing important for you to need to know. you don’t have to worry about it, my love,” he let his flesh hand play with that same strand of hair as earlier as he looked down at you like his prized possession. 

oh yea, you almost forgot. that’s what you are to him. his trophy wife, as much as you hate that phrase. 

“when can we go home?” a shiver ran down your spine. what would john even do if he did get his hands on you? was he actually as bad as bucky made him seem, or was he worse? you gripped bucky’s arm tighter as thoughts raced through your brain. 

“hey,” he turned to face you again, his eyes no longer reflecting anger or fear but tenderness. “if you want to leave, we’ll leave. steve can get the car,” he turned briefly to steve who nodded before walking off, “we can talk on the way home. i can tell how many questions are running through that pretty head of yours right now. but i can assure you,” he cupped your face in his hands, and the contrast between the cold metal and the warm flesh was oddly grounding, “as long as your with me, or steve for that matter, you won’t have anything to worry about. i would do anything it takes to keep you safe.”

you nodded, pressing your lips together in a fine line, maybe a bit of doubt running in your head at the lengths he would go to in order to protect you. would he really go to the lengths necessary? would his hand be forced to do that? 

“how bad would it be if i admitted that i was scared right now?” you couldn’t meet his eyes as you admitted it. 

“it’s not bad at all. in fact, i understand. i just hope that you know that this is why steve is watching out for you now,” he dropped his hands to your shoulders, down your arms to hold your hands. 

“will you-would you be up for staying with me tonight?” you popped the question, almost scared of his answer. “like… like you did that night? i don’t really want to be alone tonight.”

“you don’t have to explain,” he smiled. “of course i’ll stay with you.”

the ride home was similar to the ride there, but this time with your head rested on his chest, his arms wrapped snugly around you. you’re sure he thought you were asleep when he pressed a kiss to your forehead. it also wasn’t beneath you to say you liked when he did it…

so much so that you apparently did fall sleep. when you woke up, it was wrapped in strong arms. you strained your neck to look at the clock beside your bed, the one that read 2:35 am. turning in bed to look at bucky, you realized you’d never seen him so peaceful. his hair had grown out a bit long, evident by the way it laid across his forehead. 

when you moved the few locks of hair from his forehead, he began to stir awake. 

“shhh,” you hummed softly. “it’s just me. sorry i woke you.”

“don’t be sorry,” his raspy voice was alluring this early in the morning, or was it late? “i don’t think i’ve slept this good since… well, since that night.”

“are you a secret cuddler, mr. barnes?” you smiled as he pulled you in a smidge tighter as he replied. 

“and what if i am?” “there are no complaints coming from me,” he pressed yet another kiss to yourforehead, then your cheek, your other cheek, and then you pulled back to look in his eyes again. 

the only light that was peaking through was from the hallway underneath the door, but that didn’t stop you from being able to see the bright smile decorating his face, a rare sight to see. 

“how bad would it be if i admitted that i really wanted to kiss you right now?” his thumb trailed across your bottom lip, gently pulling it down and watching it bounce back into place.

“it’s not bad at all,” you let your eyes find his lips before looking into his eyes once more. 

he made the first move, taking his flesh hand and cupping your face before he softly met your lips with his. every other kiss you’d had with him had been for show, cameras or people around to witness and aww at the romantic antics of the newlyweds. this one wasn’t for show. this was purely authentic. gentle, soft, delicate. for a man like bucky, you figured he wasn’t like this very often. this was a side of him not many other people got the privilege of witnessing. 

he was precise in his movements, every swipe of his tongue and every placement his hand made was deliberate, yet he was so tender. the soft grasp of your hair, the easy glide of his hand that began to hold your waist. it was all so consuming, in the best way possible. in the way that you wanted to drown in his presence. 

when you sweeped one of your legs over his, now perched on his lap, you felt him smile against your lips. 

“you’re astounding,” he breathed into you. “breathtaking,” he rearranged his hips, accidentally brushing his hardon against your center. “shit.”

“sorry,” you smiled against him as you pulled back, resting your forehead against his. 

“nothin’ to apologize for,” he shook his head with a laugh. “i mean, you are my wife an’ all.”

“i know, but,” taking a deep breath, you tried to figure out how to word what you wanted to say to him. you came up with nothing. “i don’ know. it’s different. we haven’t necessarily been the most affectionate since our wedding.”

“i didn’t think you wanted anything more,” his face shone with disbelief. “i didn’t want you to think you were forced to be ‘affectionate’ with me. you didn’t really want to marry me in the first place. i realize that.”

were you not this puppet in his master show? some play thing for him to own and display whenever he pleased? had every story you’d heard about him been nothing but that… just stories? could this story of you and him have a happy ending?

tags:

@blackbirdwitch22

@onceithough

@learisa

@mrsnikstan

@cjand10

@mrs-bucky-barnes-73

@armystay89

@adesum

@greatenthusiasttidalwave

@loki-laufeyson68

if you'd like to be added to the tag list, please just leave a comment or message me!

[tastesousweet]

⭒ blurb : podcasting

bf!hamzah x poc!reader

summary: based on this ask!!! little blurb of the times you pop up on the ooc podcast

mickey speaks: this was so funny to write!!! also i need to be hamzah's gf yesterday bitch

─────────── · · ୨୧ · · ───────────

hamzah having you in an episode with mandy and martin

“oh wow this couch gets kinda tight when four people are squeezed on here” hamzah says while adjusting a few pillows

“yeah,” martin starts before addressing the audience, “and, well, you’re probably wondering ‘who the heck is that?!’” he gestures his hand over to you, beside hamzah with your legs folded and knees lying against his thigh

you can’t help but smile as hamzah introduces you, “and, yeah, believe it or not i have a girlfriend.”

“i’m right next to you so i’d hope they believe it” give a soft giggle

“only hamzah would announce he has a girlfriend with ‘believe it or not’” mandy adds and hamzah throws a hand up in the air in defeat

★

martin: “i can’t help but think this feels like in middle school when people were just group dating all the time”

hamzah: “was group dating that common? i don’t remember that”

you: “i remember certain friend groups at my school doing that but i definitely wasn't participating”

mandy: “this isn’t really a group though martin, more like a double date? there’s four of us”

martin: "it's not all about numbers mandy sometimes there's just a vibe"

★

martin: “but you two have been dropping hints about dating for a while now”

you: “yeah, we’ve been doing a little soft launching here and there”

martin: “i like that term a lot actually”

mandy: “i think it’s cute, but i've seen a lot of people online that don't use it properly”

you: "i agreeeee, like you didn't soft launch by posting the back of his head if we already saw the front of it a week ago- we know who he is!!! there is no mystery"

martin: "oh so the appeal is the mystery... almost like scooby doo?"

hamzah, nodding his head: "mhm... exactly"

you: "it's always two dumb bitches telling each other-"

you and hamzah together: "exactlyyyyy"

martin looks over to mandy as the two of you laugh: "oh come on this is their first episode together and look at them mandy! we have to be cuter, come on. lock in."

hamzah: "hey no need to be jealous, my friend."

hamzah pats martins thigh

mandy: "so what was that right there?"

hamzah: "you wouldn't understand..."

martin: "no but seriously mandy you never soft launched me- only hard"

mandy: "there was no need to??? next time i'll do it i guess"

you, laughing: "next time???"

hamzah is sat in thought for an extra second before he replies to martin, making them both laugh

hamzah: “okay martin you said like that term so much? boy, now imma soft launch these nuts in your mouth”

you: "and i know you were thinking on that joke for a minute"

martin, through laughs: “okay, okay, enough”

hamzah, wiping his eyes: “well, now the jig is up. you know it's all aired out and public”

martin: “yeah... a hard launch on the podcast, that’s crazy bro”

you and mandy, mocking: “that’s craaazzyy brooo”

★

hamzah answering your call during a podcast

martin: “hamzah whenever you buy clothes from the store or get it shipped in the mail always wash your clothes!”

hamzah: “i do wash my clothes but if it’s new that doesn’t make any sense”

martin: “so you’re just gonna open it up and put it on?”

hamzah: “yes!”

hamzah’s phone starts ringing

martin: “and wow. now look who’s breaking the phone rule!”

hamzah: “stop shhh. it’s y/n”

he answers, hamzah: “hey what’s up?”

you see the mic in his hand and widen your eyes, you: “oh shit, i’m sorry to interrupt”

hamzah: “it’s okay i have something to ask you now anyway.”

you: "okayy.. do you wanna go first or me?"

hamzah: "you go ahead"

you: "okay quick- is this business casual enough for an event tonight?"

hamzah: "nobody is doing business lookin' that hot, you can't be serious"

you: "kay thanks"

hamzah, jokes: "you are not anyone's office siren, girl"

you: "i'm gonna hang up"

hamzah: "no!!! i need to ask if you wash your clothes after you buy them."

you: "if they smell like stale water and factory chemicals, yes"

hamzah: "martin is educating me on the importance of this unimportant thing right now."

you: "and you should listen to him, stinky"

martin: "thank you!"

hamzah: "oh nahhh, now i'm gonna hang up"

you: "mkayy bye, sorry for interrupting! bye martin!!!"

martin: "byee"

★

you drop something off at the warehouse studio while they’re filming

hamzah: "what was that noise?"

martin: "i don't know..."

hamzah: "it sounds like someone's actually trying to break in, what?"

martin: "were you expecting company?"

hamzah: "no, were you?"

martin: "no...i mean let's ask the audience"

martin turns to the camera, concerned

hamzah: "okay i'm actually about to go check. this is weird."

it cuts to a clip of hamzah sat again and you peeking your head in the frame to wave

hamzah: "nevermind. it was just my sweet girlfriend bringing us lunch, sorry if that scared you guys."

martin: "should we make like a super artifical thumbnail for clickbait? somethin' like; 'someone tried to kidnap us in our studio!'

hamzah: "no"

★

they have a trolling episode where you and mandy both sub in and act as martin and hamzah for an entire episode

mandy: "you know i find it crazy how we manage to talk about nothing for an entire hour"

you: "this is the talent people expect from us bro! and if we ever get too boring we can always discuss the state of sabrina and barry's relationship."

mandy: "true. and don't make fun of me but everytime man-crush monday comes around i'm always picking barry..."

you: "well if i can't make fun of you then i'll just stay quiet for your sake."

taglist -★ (some of u didn't ask to be tagged but have frequently liked my hamzah content lol, just lmk if you'd prefer not to be tagged!!!)

@sirenedeslily @333michelle @thatmartinkitten @@maybankfr @imsosillygoofylol @certainfestivalnerdshepherd

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

[harrysfolklore]

when in italy - harry blurb

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

"I swear is this way!" a very drunk Harry said, pointing out to the street in front of him, "I've walked down these streets a shit ton of times, I know how to get back."

"Harry, darling," Alessandro said, standing in front of him, "Let's just admit that we're lost and ask for directions."

"No! I know the way!" he stubbornly protested and headed the way he initially pointed, almost tripping on his own feet due to his drunk state.

Alessandro followed him, he knew how stubborn Harry got whenever he was drunk, and decided to trust him with the task of getting them back to their place in Italy for their holiday.

"Harry, I'm afraid we're walking in circles," Alessandro said once he noticed that they were back in the same place they were a few minutes before and they had been walking for almost 10 minutes now.

"Shit," Harry stopped on his tracks, "I think we're lost."

Alessandro rolled his eyes at his friend, "I'm going to ask for directions."

Harry sat on the sidewalk as he watched his friend walk towards some shops that were still open in the area, giggling to himself over the fact that he got lost in the place he called his second hometown (that, and the fact that he was completely wasted)

"Hey," a soft voice called for him, making him look up, "I'm sorry to bother you but I heard you and your friend are kind of lost, I live around the area and I could give you directions if you need them."

Harry blinked a few times, trying to get a proper look at the person in front of him in his drunken state.

And once he did, oh boy was he mesmerized.

The young woman standing before him had a warm smile, her eyes sparkling under the streetlights. She looked at Harry with a mix of amusement and concern, clearly recognizing him but choosing not to make a big deal out of it.

"Thanks," Harry slurred, trying to get up from the sidewalk and failing spectacularly. He giggled again, this time at his own clumsiness. "I think I need some help."

"Yeah, I think you do," she laughed softly and reached out a hand to help him up, "I'm YN, by the way," she introduced herself as Harry took her hand, his grip unsteady.

"I'm Harry," he replied, still looking at her with a dopey grin. "Alessandro!" Harry yelled out calling for his friend, who was making his way back to them, "I found this pretty girl that says she can walk us back home."

The girl felt her cheeks burn at his words, looking away from him in hopes that her blush would disappear.

"Thank you so much for your help," he said, "I'm Alessandro."

"Nice to meet you, Alessandro," YN said warmly, "So, where are you two trying to go?"

Harry attempted to answer but ended up mumbling incoherently. Alessandro stepped in, giving her the address of their holiday home.

"Oh, that's just a few blocks away," YN said, "I'll walk you there. It's no trouble."

"You're an angel," Harry proclaimed dramatically, leaning on Alessandro for support as they started walking.

"So, YN," Harry said as they walked down the street, "Do you live here, or are you just visiting?"

"I live here," she said, "Moved here a few years ago for work and fell in love with the place. It's a beautiful city."

"It really is," Alessandro agreed, "Thanks again for helping us out, Harry can be a bit stubborn when he's had a few too many."

"I'm not!" Harry protested, "I know this place like the back of my hand, I'm just dizzy right now."

"It’s alright, Harry," YN laughed softly at Harry’s protest, finding his drunken stubbornness endearing, "We all have our moments."

As they walked, Harry continued to lean heavily on Alessandro, but his attention was fixed on YN. "So, what do you do here, YN?"

"I’m a photographer," she replied, glancing at Harry with a smile. "I came here for a project and ended up staying. The city has a way of pulling you in."

Harry nodded enthusiastically, almost losing his balance again, making both Alessandro and YN giggle.

 "What kind of photography do you do?" Alessandro chimed in.

"Mostly street photography and portraits," YN explained. "I love capturing candid moments, the beauty in everyday life."

"That’s amazing," Alessandro said genuinely, "You must have some incredible shots."

"I do love my work. It’s always different, always exciting."

"Do you ever take pictures of drunk idiots lost in the streets?" Harry joked making YN throw her head back in laughter.

 "Not yet, but there's a first time for everything," YN chuckled.

"I’d love to see your work sometime," Harry grinned widely at her response.

"Maybe you will," she replied, her tone teasing yet sincere.

As they neared the holiday home, Alessandro let out a sigh of relief. "Here we are," he announced, pointing to the familiar building.

"Thanks a million, YN," Harry said, his words slurring slightly but his gratitude clear. "You're a lifesaver."

"Glad I could help," she said with a warm smile. "Get some rest, Harry."

"I will," Harry said, "We should hang out sometime. Maybe when I'm not so… wobbly. Actually, can I have your number?"

She stood in her place for a moment, completely taken back by the fact that Harry boldly asked for her number.

And when she was about to give it to him, she remembered that he was drunk, and he probably wouldn't remember a single detail about the interaction.

"You should get some rest, Harry," she smiled, "And I need to head back to my house, It's getting late."

"Wait, you're not going to give me your number?" Harry said, a disappointed tone in his voice.

"Not tonight, Harry," she said gently, "But if we run into each other again, I'll consider it."

Harry pouted, about to protest again, but Alessandro gave him a nudge.

"Come on, Harry, let's get you inside. Thank you again, YN."

"You're welcome," she said, waving them off as they entered the building. "Goodnight, Harry. Goodnight, Alessandro."

"Goodnight," Alessandro replied, helping Harry up the stairs to their apartment.

Once inside, Harry flopped onto the couch, still thinking about the lovely girl who helped them get to their house in one piece, completely gobsmacked about how beautiful she was.

 "She was nice, wasn't she?" he mumbled.

"She was," Alessandro agreed, "Now get some sleep, Harry. You need it."

The next morning, Harry woke up with a pounding headache and a hazy memory of the previous night. He groaned as he sat up, trying to piece together the fragments of what had happened.

"Morning, sunshine," Alessandro greeted him, handing over a glass of water and some painkillers.

"Thanks," Harry muttered, taking the pills and the water, "What happened last night? Did we get lost?"

"We did," Alessandro confirmed with a chuckle, "And a lovely girl named YN helped us find our way back."

Harry's eyes widened as the memory came flooding back. The memory of her pretty eyes, nice smile and interesting talk making immediately smile.

"YN... Oh, I asked for her number, didn't I?"

"You did," Alessandro said, "But she didn't give it to you. Said if you ran into each other again, she'd consider it."

Harry sighed, leaning back against the couch, pouting when he realized that he probably wouldn't run into the pretty girl again.

"You'll have time to pout about your little crush later," Alessandro spoke again, "Right now we need to go get some kitchenware, otherwise we won't be able to cook anything."

"Right, we were supposed to do that today," Harry said as he stood up, "Let me grab a quick shower and we can go."

Once he was ready, he and Alessandro headed out to the local shop to get the kitchenware they needed. The store was bustling with people, and Harry found himself scanning the crowd, hoping that he would run into YN again somehow.

He felt like a silly teenager with a brand new crush, but even in his drunken state he could tell that the girl was nice and genuine, and he definitely wanted to get to know her better.

He also thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. 

"Still thinking about her, huh?" Alessandro teased as they walked through the aisles.

"Is it obvious?," Harry admitted, picking up a set of kitchen knives. "Can't help it mate."

They moved through the store, gathering the items they needed. As they approached the checkout counter, Harry's attention was drawn to a girl climbing up a ladder to reach something on the top shelf. The ladder wobbled, and without thinking, Harry rushed over to steady it.

"Careful there," he said, his hands firmly holding the ladder.

"Oh, thank you," the girl said her attention focused on grabbing a small box from the top shelf.

And when she looked down and her eyes met Harry's, he felt his heart jump.

"YN?" Harry said, almost in shock that it was really her.

YN's eyes widened in surprise and then lit up with recognition. "Harry! Hi again," she said, climbing down the ladder carefully.

"What a coincidence," Harry grinned, still holding the ladder to ensure it was steady. "Need any more help with that?"

"No, I think I've got it. Thanks, though," she shook her head, holding the box she had retrieved, "What are you doing here?"

"Just getting some stuff for our holiday home," Harry explained. "And trying not to get lost again."

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't get lost in the store," YN laughed softly, "Thanks for holding the ladder."

"Anytime," Harry said, still grinning. "Are you buying some stuff too?"

"No, this is my friend's shop, I'm just helping out for a bit," she replied, "It's nice to see you again, Harry."

"Nice to see you too," Harry said, his tone sincere, "And I mean it. I was hoping I'd run into you again."

 "Well, here we are," she blushed slightly, looking away for a moment.

"Well, if it isn't our guardian angel," Alessandro walked over, raising an eyebrow at the sight of the girl.

"Just doing my good deed for the day," YN laughed softly, "It's good to see you're both in one piece after last night."

"I was pretty out of it, wasn't I?" Harry said, a hint of embarrassment on his voice.

"A bit, but it was kind of endearing," YN admitted, a twinkle in her eye.

"Well, I'm glad you thought so," he said, "I was worried I made a fool of myself."

"Not at all," YN reassured him, "It was actually quite charming."

Harry smiled, his eyes fixed on the girl. He still didn't understand how it happened, but he was completely smitten over her without even properly meeting her yet.

"We should checkout our stuff and head back," Alessandro said, "It was lovely to see you again, YN."

"It was lovely to see you too," she said, waving them off, "Have a great rest of your day, both of you."

Harry gave her one last smile before following Alessandro to the checkout. As they walked out of the store, Harry couldn't help but feel elated.

"I can't believe I ran into her again," he said, his excitement evident.

"Seems like fate," Alessandro teased, "Did you ask for her number properly now?"

"Shit!" Harry stopped on his tracks, "Shit! I forgot to ask for her number."

"Then what are you doing here, go back in there and ask her."

Harry didn't need his friend to say it twice before he was almost running into the store again, determined to get the girl's number once and for all.

He re entered the store, scanning the aisles looking for the girl, he spotted her at the counter, talking to another customer. He approached them, trying to catch her eye.

"Hey, YN," he said once she was done with the customer, "Last night I asked for your number, and you said that you'll consider giving it to me if we ever ran into each other," a small smile creept into the girl's face at his words, "And well, here we are, right?"

Harry felt like a total schoolboy, his hands almost sweating as he spoke. YN smiled even widely now, tilting her head to the side.

"You remember that, huh?" she asked.

"I could never forget," Harry matched her smile.

"Well, I did promise to consider it," YN said playfully, "And I think I've made my decision."

Harry's heart skipped a beat. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile, "I'd love to give you my number."

And once again, Harry felt like his heart could combust from happiness and excitement.

YN reached into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. She scribbled something on it and handed it to him.

"There you go," she said, handing the piece of paper to him, "Now, don't lose this one."

"I won't, I promise," Harry said, his tone earnest. "Thank you, YN. I'll text you very soon."

"I'll be waiting," she said, her smile warm.

Harry waved as they left the store, clutching the piece of paper with YN's number in his hand. He couldn't stop smiling, feeling like the luckiest guy in the world.

Once he met Alessandro outside, he looked at him with a teasing smile.

"Looks like you got your wish."

"Yeah," Harry said, looking at the paper again. "And I don't plan on letting this opportunity slip away."

[fizzie-frog]

You know, the Stolitz scene was a trainwreck as a whole (they usually are), but what honestly got me most was the way Blitz started pleading when he thought his livelihood was going to be taken away.

THIS IS NOT A STOLAS SLANDER POST. I'm coming from a place where I've seen Blitz being mostly, if not entirely blamed for their lack of communication most of the time.

Moving on...

People keep going like "Well if imps are so low in the hierarchy..." - Let's take a break to think. Blitz isn't rich, he's just getting by really. And how is he getting by?

By prostituting himself. To the upper class.

That's what it is, he's a certified whxre. Things may have evolved in the meantime, but that's how it started. Blitz got asked for the deal while being chased by a crazy lady and him, wanting to keep his business and livelihood, said yes, obviously.

Now Stolas was suddenly taking the book back with no apparent explanation (until they got to the crystal), so of course Blitz thought he was doomed. On a side note, why couldn't Stolas say "You won't need the book, I have an alternative" instead of the ominous "I'll need the book back, permanently. I have made up my mind." I would be scared out of my mind.

He teared up immediately and started pleading, you could already see what was going through his head. He won't have the means to support his business anymore, to pay his employees, to afford a home, he'll be homeless and have no means to take care of Loona. Everyone will leave him again and he will starve on the streets all alone.

He'd do anything to be able to live a life a bit better than miserable, of course he would.

And this brings me to Stolas's treatment of Blitz. I see that everything tends to fall on Blitz, and I'm not saying he has no fault (in fact I didn't even like him at the beginning of the series too much), but Stolas treated him like a peasant. Just the episode before Ozzie's he's called him his "impish little plaything" and asked for a reward for the rescue. He put out cigarettes on his horns, he ignored his "stop" most times, he addressed him in this little baby voice with babying diminutives. "Itty bitty" imp.

And I am sure Stolas is socially clueless. He was brought up alone and sheltered, taught to be a prince first and foremost.

Stolas probably saw this as playful banter, as something that is inoffensive, silly. It was only in the Ozzie's episode that he finally saw that actually, his silly play served to make Blitz feel smaller.

And of course in this scenario, Blitz would see this coming out of the nether. He reacted quite badly, but why would this prince be actually in love with him? As he said, he needed to have a minute (or several) to think about everything. They needed to talk this out, and Blitz was about to apologize when Stolas cast him out.

They were both emotionally charged. They fucked up. But I can see Blitz's side. And the power imbalance is so evident, that hierarchy that everyone keeps saying is irrelevant - in a moment's notice, he could have his life swept from underneath him. Just like he thought it happened in that split moment; it worried him so much that he cried and pleaded (and that's not in Blitz's character to do).

And then he was so scared of not being enough too, ugh, his little "I can always do better!". He's so used to everyone just seeing him as a lost cause, better to be discarded. With this amalgamation of things, no wonder he can't believe Stolas would have feelings for him.

So uh, I don't know what the conclusion to this is. Normalize getting imps some actual comfort? So far the only really privileged imp in Helluva Boss is Fizz after getting rid of Mammon. And when I say priviledged, I'm referring to wealth and upper class, not taking into account personal issues such as disability and so forth.

Anyway, this was my two cents on Stolitz. I honestly haven't thought too much on them, I'm riding on the Fizzarolli high. I'm chill over here in my Fizzmodeus bubble, but doesn't mean I have no thoughts on Stolitz.

[samandcolbyownme]

Summary: anon request - "HEAR ME OUT... dealer!colby x reader👀? (colby's her weed dealer..?)"

Warnings: SMUT18+, dealer!Colby, strong language, mentions of weed, smoking, driving while under the influence (please don't ever do that), sex as payment, teasing, heavy flirting, hair pulling, oral (f rec), slight squirting, rough unprotected sex, biting, creampie, nasty filth - this is your second warning :)

Word Count: 5.3k | not really edited

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

You exhaled the smoke with a sigh, "We're almost out." You looked around the group and they all groan.

Sam takes the half smoked blunt from your hands and nudges you as he takes a drag, "Why don't you call up that dealer of yours, y/n."

Your eyes go wide, "Sam. Don't."

"Oh come on." He passes the blunt to Jake and looks back at you, "Why not?" You roll your eyes, "Because.. it's not like that."

"What it like then?" Jake asks leaning around Sam, smirking at you as the smoke leaves his lips, "You can't fall for your drug dealer. Nothing good ever comes out of that."

"Nothing is going to come out of it because I don't like him like that." You cross your arms, leaning back in your chair, "But I do like weed, and he's the only one who ever seems to have so.."

You pull your phone out, clicking on the name.

Colby Brock.

Hey, it's y/n.

You rest your phone in your lap, sighing as you look up, waiting for an answer, "Is one of you sober enough to drive?"

They all laugh and Sam looks at you, "I can drive you."

"No you can't." You laugh and watch as he stands up, "What are you doing, Golbach?"

"I'll put on a full sobriety test for you right now." He laughs and the group cheers him on. You roll your eyes, picking up your phone when it vibrates.

I know who you are. Whatcha lookin for?

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, zoning out as you focus on texting Colby back.

I think you know exactly what I'm looking for. I have some friends over tonight.

You see the text bubbles pop up instantly and you try not to show that this excites you.

You have friends over and didn't invite me? Ouch.

You laugh slightly, sighing as you type.

I didn't think you'd want to hang out with me.

You rest your phone down, looking up to see Sam balancing on one of the patio loungers, "Sam. Get down before you break your neck or something."

He laughs and jumps down, "Are we a go?"

"Not yet. He hasn't said if he's home or not." You check your phone, nothing, so you set it back down, kinda irritated with yourself.

"Drug dealers are always home, y/n." Jake laughs and you shrug, "Not mine. He has a life outside of his business."

"And how would you know that?" Jake raises his brows, smirking slightly and you change your answer, "I don't.. I'm just saying he might."

"Uh huh. Sure."

Your phone vibrates and you look down, nodding as you read the text.

I'm just pickin, y/n. Of course you can come over, just let me know when you're on your way.

"We're good." You look back down and type.

I'll be there soon.

"Alright. See you guys in a few." Sam grabs his keys and you roll your eyes, "Don't break anything while I'm gone."

They all laugh and wave you off as you walk out the gate with Sam, "Are you good to drive?" He looks back at you, "Y/n. If I didn't think I could, I wouldn't have offered."

"Alright." You sigh, giving in just because you wanted to see Colby. You get in, buckling up before punching in the address to Sam's car gps.

"You have that memorized?" He laughs and you nod, "I've been there enough to know." You laugh and he starts driving, glancing over at you once you reach the first red light, "Are you guys hooking up?"

You snort, "Oh my god, Sam. No. He's my weed dealer."

"Yeah, I'm aware of that. But you seem very excited to go see him." Sam starts driving and you shake your head, "I'm not excited to see him, I'm excited to get more weed."

That's a lie. A complete lie. You liked being around Colby. He seemed to like you, and although you weren't sure if it was so you'd keep coming back to buy from him or what, you liked it.

And it works because you go back to him.

And only him.

"I just don't need you getting caught up in his more than weed bullshit." Sam pulls up from your thoughts and you sigh, "From what I know.." you look at him, "Which isn't much.. he only sells weed. Maybe coke? I don't know. I don't ask."

"He has good weed, I'll give him that." Sam chuckles and you nod, "He really does." You giggle and point, "Pull up behind that car."

"Is that his car?" Sam nods towards the blacked out Mercedes and you nod, "I don't know, this is a richy neighborhood so, not sure."

It was definitely his car. You've seen him get out of it one time when you got here too early.

"It's nice, whoever it belongs to." Sam looks over at you, "Text me if you need anything." You smile, "I'll be fine, Sam." You open the door, "I'll be right back."

You get out, making your way through the small alley between the houses and walk up to the back door. It always shocks you that Colby lives in a regular looking house. It's a nice, very rich looking house, but you always pinned him with having a penthouse suite with smoke filling all the rooms and parties every weekend.

But to you, that was just the drug dealer stereotype.

Colby was.. different.

You knock and wait a few seconds before the door opens. You look up, smiling at Colby through the screen door, "Hey."

He pushes the door open and nods for you to come in, "What's up?" He watches you walk by him, checking behind you to make sure no one else is with.

"Not much, really." You stop, turning towards him. He shuts the door, locking it before turning towards you, "Nothing at all?" He chuckles and you shake your head, "Same old, you know."

You laugh slightly and he nods, "I gotta admit, I was kinda shocked to see you texted me with your name."

"I thought you didn't save the numbers of your customers so.." you shrug and he smirks, "not the ones I don't like seeing."

Your heart skips a beat and you smile, "Well thanks." You try to play it cool, you don't want to seem too excited.

"How much are we looking at getting, today Miss y/n?" Colby walks in to his living room, you following behind him, "Um.. I have like six people at my house right now so enough to get me through tonight yet."

"Oh so you can text me and come back tomorrow for more?" He winks and looks down at his stash.

Maybe it was the pot you smoked before, but you felt a weird wave of confidence wash over you, "You're catching onto my tactic, Colbs. Gonna have to switch it up soon."

He looks up at you, a huge smile resting on his face, "I knew it."

"Knew what?" You ask walking over and sitting down in the chair. He shrugs, "You tell me." You lean back, crossing your leg over the other, "Tell you what?"

He leans back as he ties the bag closed, "That I'm your favorite dealer and you can't help but stay away from me."

"You're my only dealer and well.." you smirk as you shrug and tilt your head, "You're not, fully, wrong."

"What am I wrong about then?" He tosses the bag on the table and leans back, "Why don't you enlighten me?"

You remembered that Sam is in the car waiting, "maybe.." you stand up, pulling money from your pocket, "When I see you next, yeah?" You toss the money on the table and reach down to grab the baggie but Colby snatches it away before you can get it in your grasp.

You tilt your head up slightly, looking at him through your lashes, "Is that not enough?"

"Oh no, it's plenty." He leans back, legs spread as his hands rests on his thighs, "you always have to leave so soon, don't you?"

You tilt your head, standing up slowly, "I have a friend waiting for me in the car."

"Oh do ya?" He tisks his tongue, "What a shame."

"Why do you say that?" You lick your lips, crossing your arms as you watch him look up at you. He shrugs, rolling the bag in his fingers, "maybe.. I'll tell you when I see you next, yeah?"

You smirk as he uses your words against you, "Tomorrow?"

He raises his eyebrows, "Yeah. Yeah." He hands you the bag and you gently take it from his open hand, "I'll text you tomorrow. If I'm free, you know." He chuckles and you roll your eyes, "Uh huh."

You smirk as you shove the bag into your jacket pocket, "I'll be free, so.." you purse your lips, "I have to get back to my friends."

"Oh yeah, the party I wasn't invited to." He smirks as he stands up and you point to the door, "Wanna follow us back over?"

He shakes his head, "Nah, I'm not really into group things." He chuckles and you scoff, a laugh quickly following behind, "oh, god. Colby. it's not.. a group thing if that's what you mean."

He shrugs, "You never know." His eyes scan over your face and he bites his lip, letting it pull slowly between his teeth, "Don't wanna keep your friend waiting any longer, right?"

As much as you wanted to say fuck it, and let Sam sit, you had enough respect for him to not do that, "Yeah.. I guess you're right."

You nod to Colby, "Thank you. Again."

He smiles, "I'm always here." He winks and you turn to walk out the door, moving around the banister to walk down the ally.

You speed up your walk to the car and open the door, plopping in with a smile.

"Take it that it went good?" Sam asks with a laugh and you look at him, "Yeah. It always does." You try to play it down, but you can't help but to think about the flirting that just went down.

Colby has an effect on you and you like it.

A lot.

"So what.. you guys get a quickie in or wh-"

"Sam!" You scoff, "Oh my god." You try to fight off your smile, "I wish. But no."

"Gross. That's - no. I didn't need to hear that." Sam pretends to gag as he starts driving, "But on a serious note.." he glances over at you and you know a lecture is in the works.

"What's the serious note, Sam?" You shift slightly and look over at him as you rest your elbow on the door, "If you're going to tell me that Jake was right, and that nothing good ever comes from seeing your dealer.. I know.. and that's why I haven't jumped his bones yet."

He raises his brows, looking over at you quickly before looking back to the road, "Yeah.. I mean.. yeah.." he laughs slightly, "That's what I was going to say."

You laugh, "Colby flirts with me.. yes. But I think that he does that with all of his other female customers. You know, so they keep coming back to him." You shrug, "he's very nice looking, I'll be honest, and yes. I would like to, you know.."

Sam cringes and shakes his head slightly, "uh huh."

"But if I did that, and it blew up, I'd have to find another dealer or I'd quit smoking all together."

Sam looks at you shocked, "You'd.. quit smoking over a guy?" He snorts, "Really?"

You sigh, "Okay. No. Probably not. That's a bit drastic." You laugh, "Kind of. I don't know. I'd just.. i don't know, you have a dealer so you'd be the one we go to."

"Colby has good shit. So in my own.. selfish needs.. please don't blow this." Sam smirks, "Plus.. how do you know he's worth all the hype you tell yourself?"

You shrug, "hard to explain. Maybe you can come in with me next time and see for yourself."

"I'm fine in the car." He says quickly, "I don't need to be doused in all the sexual tension you say there is."

"Good choice." You laugh and watch out the window as he drives you both back to your house.

You knew it was there. As soon as your eyes meet his you get this feeling in the pit of your stomach but the advice, if that's what you want to call it, that Sam and Jake tell you steer you away because you were kind of afraid of rejection.

Especially from Colby.

He's hot. Mysterious, and kinda dangerous.

But that turned you on. Made you want him even more. Even if it was just for one night.

You needed to have him. There was this.. hunger, inside of you that wanted him and only him. No matter the cost because you knew in your heart he wanted you, too.

And you were determined to get him. No matter what anyone said to try and steer you away.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

The sun shining through your open blinds makes you groan as you roll away to try and avoid it. You took a deep breath, yawning as you sit up.

You take a minute, thinking about the smoke session from last night. Laughing to yourself as you remember all the funny stuff that was said and done.

You bite down on your lip as you remember going to get more weed from Colby. How he flirted with you effortlessly, and how you flirted with him.

You grab your phone, checking to see if he messaged you.

And he did.

Did you go through all of it yet?

That was sent at four thirty two this morning. Right after you decided to call it a night and head to bed.

You mentally curse yourself, mad at yourself because you could have been talking to him. But that's alright, it gives you a chance to take a sober minute and actually think about how you wanted to play this game.

You bite down on your lip as your thumbs pluck the keyboard.

Not all of it, but it definitely won't be enough to last me.

You set your phone down on the bed as you stand up, walking over to grab a change of clothes. You grab your phone before heading to the shower.

As you turn the shower on, you hear your phone buzz, but you don't jump. You get in the shower, closing the door and try not to overthink everything.

Colby does want you, but he won't tell you that. You don't know it, but he has rules. He doesn't hook up with customers, but he has a hard time with you.

As you get out, you wrap a towel around your body and swipe the steam from the mirror away with your hand. You stare at yourself, thinking about the only thing that's really been on your mind lately.

You tap your phone, leaning forward so it'll unlock and your eyes scan over Colby's texts.

You know where to find me. I'll be around today, if you wanted to bang.

I mean hang. Or whatever. lol

Your stomach flips. Or whatever. You bite your thumb nail, sighing to calm your excitement.

I just got out of the shower. I can get dressed and come over?

You walk back over to your room, tossing the original pick of clothes to the floor as you look for something a little more - intriguing.

Your phone buzzes on your dresser and you pick it up. Smirking as you read his response.

Let me know when you're on your way. I'll leave the door unlocked for you.

You smile, texting back a simple, sounds good, before you go back to scouring your closet.

You opt for a simple, yet like you wanted, intriguing look. A pair of black ripped skinny jeans. A cropped white tank top along with cropped dark jean jacket, and black ankle boots.

You finished getting ready and picked up your phone, hands kinda shaking nervously as you type your, I'm ready. Leaving soon, message to Colby.

You grab your bag, making sure you have everything before walking to your car. You take a deep breath, looking at your phone as you read over Colby's text.

Great. See you soon, y/n.

Your heart skips a beat as you put the car in reverse, backing out of your driveway.

You were sober.

Your thoughts about Colby were still clear, and most definitely there.

As you drive over, your fingers tap the steering wheel, anxiously trying to keep the scenarios out of your mind because you don't want to get your hopes up completely.

You pull up behind his car, parking and shutting the engine off. You grab your phone, I'm here. I'll come to the back.

You get out, pulling your bag onto your shoulder and shutting your door. You force yourself to walk, calmly to the back because your excitement was racing sky high.

You honestly didn't know what to expect.

As you walk up the steps, the door opens and Colby pushes the screen door open, "Hello again." You look up, flashing him a smile as you walk by him, "Hey."

He shuts the doors, walking by you to lead you into the living room, "Sleep good?"

You laugh slightly, setting your bag down with a nod, "Oh yeah. I couldn't get them to leave, I was falling asleep before even making it up to my bed."

Colby chuckles, leaning back against the couch, "I would have just went to bed."

"I didn't want to leave them unsupervised." You laugh and sit down, crossing your leg over the other, "I didn't have anything specific planned today, so sleeping in was alright."

"Seemed to work out pretty good." Colby smiles and points, "You wanna.." he trails off watching as you look from him to the tray on the table. You nod, "Please."

You shift through your bag, "fuck." You plop your hand on your bag, looking up at him, "I don't have my wallet."

He furrows his brows, "You.. want to pay me for the joint I offered you?"

You laugh slightly, "No - ah, I mean I was going to see if I could get more but I do-"

He cuts you off, "I'm sure we can come up with a payment arrangement. No worries, sweetheart."

You slowly pull your bag off your lap, plopping it back in the floor, "I'm sure we can."

He smirks as he twists the end of the joint, "Just a heads up, I have like two people coming today, not sure when, though."

You nod, "That's fine."

He lights up the joint, taking a drag. He holds the smoke in as he looks at you. He exhales, "Come on. I don't bite." He smirks as he holds the joint out infront of him.

You smirk, getting up to move next to him and he places the joint in between your lips, "Unless you want me to."

You take a drag, eyes staying locked on his. You pull it from your lips, smiling as you inhale deep. You blow the smoke out, "Don't threaten me with a good time."

"Oh, so you like being bitten?" His brow twitches and you shrug, "Depends on the person, I guess."

He nods, taking the joint from your fingers, "I see." He leans back next to you, picking up his phone from the arm rest of the couch, "Taylor will be here in five."

Your eyes scan over his screen and you can definitely tell it's a girl because on her end, the texts are flirty and cute.

But you can't help but smirk when you see his one to three word responses.

Colby looks at you, smirking, "You know.. I broke my rules for you."

Your eyes snap up to his, "Rules?"

He nods, "Rules. Yes."

You turn towards him, the weed relaxing you enough to egg him on, "Do tell, Mr. Brock."

He chuckles, taking a drag of the joint before handing it to you, "I don't invite people over." He watches you take a drag and his teeth hold his bottom lip, "Especially girls."

"Then why am I here?" You lean forward, taking the joint from his fingers and lean back, slipping the end between your lips and dragging.

Colby stares at you for a few seconds before smirking, "Because I think.." he leans in, eyes on yours, "..you like doing bad things.. with bad boys."

Before you exhale, he slides his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in just enough for your lips to brush his.

He inhales the smoke as you exhale.

You watch him leans back, smirking as he blows the smoke out, "am I right?"

You shrug, "I wouldn't say.. boys." You smirk, "There's only one, in particular.. and I just so happen to be doing something bad with him.. right now."

"I keep it short with the female customer side. I don't want anyone thinking anything, taking it the wrong way, ya know?" He ashes the joint and sets it down, "But you.."

"My friends.. would tease me about having a crush on you.. but I knew I was right." You cross your arms and shake your head slightly, "I was right."

"Right about what?" He smirks, resting his ankle on his knee, "I'm all ears."

You move closer to him, "There was no shortness." You lick your lips, looking up at him, "There was flirting."

"There sure was." Colby nods with a smirk, "I tried not to. The first couple of times you started coming to me. I did try. But I just couldn't help it."

As you go to lean in, a knock on the door cuts the interaction short.

"Fucking hell." Colby curses, "Why now?"

"It's fine. My only plans today are being here." You smirk and lean back as he stands up. He glances down at you, "Feel free to roll another one if you want."

You nod, smiling as you reach forward to do just as he says. You glance up, watching as the blonde walks through the door, "Hi Colby. Sorry I'm late. The traffic was awful." She smiles and he nods, "How much are you here for?"

You smirk, looking down as he gets right to the point.

"My usual." She giggles, "Colby you should know this by now."

He walks in, "An eighth? A quarter? Your order changes every time, Taylor.." He walks around, sitting down next to you as she stands on the other side of the coffee table, mumbling an almost audible, "Eighth."

You glance up at her, fighting a smirk as you notice her whole demeanor changed since she seen you, "Hey." You tilt your head, flashing her a smile as you twist the end of the cone.

She rolls her eyes, "Yeah, hi." She looks at Colby, "I was wondering if I could do half the payment now then the oth-"

Colby cuts her off with a hard, "No." He chuckles, shaking his head as he bags up the weed, "I don't do that half payment now, other half later bullshit. You know that."

"Are you sure because I can definitely give it to you Friday." She twirls her hair, trying to gain his attention back onto her.

He looks up at her, "It's full payment now or nothing, Taylor." He shrugs, "I don't know who told you I do payment plans, but you need to tell them that they're sadly mistaken."

You lean back, covering your smirk by holding the joint between your lips and lighting it.

"Yeah, I'll definitely tell them." she pulls money out of her back pocket. Colby reaches out for it, but she misses his hand, purposely, and drops it on the table, "That enough?"

He picks it up, counting it, "Sure is. Enjoy." He goes to hand her the bag, but misses her hand, on purpose of course.

She scoffs, "Is this really how you're going to treat me?"

"You get what you give, Taylor. Maybe next time come in here with some respect." Colby stares up at her until she sighs, "Fine."

She bends down, grabbing the bag and walking away. Colby reaches over, plucking the joint from your hand as he yells a sarcastic, "Have a great day."

You giggle, "That was so mean."

He chuckles, "She wasn't going to disrespect me. I won't allow it."

"Yeah, it took all I had to tell her to stop being a bitch." You watch as he takes a drag and exhales, "I would have loved to see it."

"Maybe next time." You wink as you smile, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as you watch him take another drag.

"So.." he passes you the joint after ashing it, "Where were we?"

You take a drag, holding it in as you tilt your head. You exhale, "I think..." you move closer, "I was about to kiss you."

"I like where this is going." He brushes hair from your face, moving it behind your shoulder, "I think we have some time before the last person shows up.. so.."

You set the joint in the ash tray and move to straddle him. His hands slip into the back pockets of your jeans and give your ass a squeeze. Your eyes scan over his face, locking eyes with his slightly red and blue ones before you dip your head down and lock lips with his.

He groans against you, pulling you closer and you feel the hard bulge of his jeans grind against you.

Your hands move to his hair, tugging slightly as his lips move down your neck. You let out a gasp as you feel him bite down gently.

Your hips move slowly as you feel him mark your neck, "Colby." You whimper quietly, "P-please."

"How bad do you want me, baby?" He leans back, looking up at you and you smirk, "About as bad as you want me."

He smiles, nodding, "You know that's a lot, right?"

You nod, "That's how much I want you."

He stands up, your legs wrapping around his waist, arms around his neck. He walks you back the hall and into his room. He kicks the door shut before walking you over and your back meets the bed.

You sit up slightly, watching as he slips his black t-shirt off, revealing his very fit figure, "Fuck."

He smirks, "Let's see you do that too."

You smirk and sit up, kicking off your boots as you slip off your jacket and toss it, your tank following right behind.

"Shit." Colby whispers as he moves to lay his body over yours. He kisses your lips, moving down your neck and chest. He stops at your boob, taking your nipple in his mouth.

You moan, back arching as he sucks and flicks it with his tongue. Your hand lays on his head, curling his hair around your fingers, "Fuck, yes."

You look down at him and he looks up at you, popping off as he kisses down your torso. Your body jolts as his kisses slightly tickle, but your eyes watch as his hands undo your jeans.

You press your hands into the bed as you lift your hips to allow him to slip off both your jeans and panties in one swoop fell swoop.

He pushes your thighs apart, not giving you a second to process as he drops to his knees and pulls you to the edge of the bed.

He licks his lips before leaning in, attaching them to your clit. You gasp, arching your back as your brows furrow with the scrunch of your face, "S-shit. Yes."

He moans against you, moving his head down to slip his tongue into you. His hands grip your hips, pinning them down as he focuses on the taste of you.

He leans back, eyes locking on yours as your chest rises and falls quickly, "You taste better than I ever thought of."

You smile, biting your lip as you watch him lean back in. Two of his fingers drag up your thigh before they're brought to your center, rubbing gently before slipping inside.

You moan, clenching around him as he thrusts his fingers in and out slowly. His lips trail up your inner thigh, watching as you twist and turn as your orgasm builds up.

“You gonna cum for me?” His voice is low and you nod, eyes still squeezed shut.

“Cum for me, baby. Come on.” His words bring you closer, “You look so pretty when you’re like this. On the verge of snapping.”

You let out a moan as you feel your body tense up and jolt. Liquid leaks out, indicating that he got you to squirt a tad bit, “Yeah, baby. That’s it.” Colby groans as his fingers curl, “Can you do it again for me?”

His lips attach to your clit and you let out a louder moan, whimpering as he gets you to squirt for him again.

“So fuckin’ hot.” He withdrawals his fingers, moving to stand up as he looks over you, “you’re worth breaking my rules for.”

You smile weakly at his words, opening your eyes to lock them on his. You reach up, whimpering as you motion for him to come to you.

He hovers his body over yours, brushing hair from your face. You can see his chin glisten in what little light that’s illuminating the room.

His lips crash onto yours and you moan at the taste of yourself on his tongue.

His cock, that’s pressing teasingly against your pussy, starts to enter and you gasp as he continues to slide fully in.

“Colby.” Your voice is barely there, “Fuck.”

“You are incredible.” He presses a kiss to your forehead before leaning up. His hand lays on your throat, fingers hooking over your bottom row of teeth, “You look incredible like this.”

Your tongue runs over his fingers and he moves his hand so you can wrap your lips around them. Sucking as he slowly pulls out and thrusts back in.

“Rough, Colby.”

And with that, it wasn’t long until you’re flipped over, bent over with your ass in the air and chest pressed against the bed.

His hands tightly gripping your hips as you’re desperately clinging onto the blanket, knuckles white from holding so tight.

His thrusts are punishing. Hard, and fast.

“S-so close.” You moan out loudly, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You push your hips back the best you can and Colby leans down, sliding his hand into your hair to lift your head.

His nose rubs the side of your face, “How close?”

“There.. almost there.” Your brain was foggy. You felt like you couldn’t comprehend words.

Colby had you a mess.

An absolute mess.

His hand moves from your hair, sliding around your throat. His thumb gently caresses your face before moving his hand further down to squeeze.

You squeak at the sudden loss of air, trying to moan but nothing is coming out.

Your vision goes black as you feel yourself squeeze his cock and release it as you cum.

He fucks you through your high, moaning lowly in your ear about how much of a good girl you’re being for him.

“Such a good fucking girl.” His lips drag back your cheek and his teeth sink into the lobe of your ear, “Taking me so fucking well.”

His hand releases your throat and you gasp, breathing heavy as you cheek and chest rest against the bed. You reach behind you, looking for his hand.

He grabs your wrist, pinning it down against your lower back, groaning as his thrusts grow sloppy, “Fuck.. where do you want me, y/n?”

In a breath, “Anywhere.”

“Say no more.” He smirks and bites his lip, tilting his head back as he gives you a few more thrusts before they turn sloppy.

He pushes his cock fully into you, moaning as he feels himself spill deep inside of you. He lets go of your hand, gently massaging your hips as he pulls out.

Your body falls onto the bed, collapsing from the exhaustion.

Colby lays next to you, brushes hair from your face with a smile, “You alright?”

You nod weakly, “I’m very alright.” You smile, sliding a hand over to lay on his chest, “Do you still want me to pay for my weed?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, “No.” he brings your hand to his lips, kissing gently, “this payment has been accepted.”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

YALL I love this. As always, let me know how you liked it!

Likes and reblogs all very appreciated!

Love you all! 🖤

[deerspherestudios]

Hiiii, I'm sorry if I'm gonna seem mean but I just need to get this out of my head

Why do you always answer coldly to your fans? Like not coldly but dry..I don't know why but every time you respond your fans it just seem like you're annoyed. Like yes I get it a lot of people answer things you already answered before and it's annoying to say the same things over and over, but at the same time they're your fans, someone who loves what you did and someone who appreciates you and your creations. I'm sorry if I may seem mean but it really makes me sad when I see you responding like "if this wasn't obvious enough" or "stop asking me things I've already responded to". Maybe also I'm just really paranoid but I don't know

Hello! I debated answering this privately but I feel like I should address it publicly in case you're not the only one who feels that way.

I'll keep things short above the cut (I address the whole thing below but beware it's a ramble) but just know I will always appreciate people who enjoy my work and give me support regardless; if that wasn't obvious enough <3 /pos /aff /lh

I'm genuinely sorry if it comes off as cold; I didn't even realize my tone could be interpreted in such a way. If it seemed cold, perhaps it was more of me being direct? (I worry that even now I'm coming off as cold when I'm trying to be direct and straightforward!)

I don't wanna get personal but if for whatever reason it did, I never meant my words to hurt people.

As for the phrase, I don't think I say "if this wasn't obvious" that often, but when I do it's more of a "you got it!!" tone rather than,,, sarcasm? But I understand why it might've been interpreted that way.

As for asking people to stop sending questions I've answered, I've made QnA masterlists for this exact reason. I'd just appreciate it if people go through them! Plus an FAQ is an FAQ for a reason.

Understandably people don't have the time to explore through everything on the masterlists, and just want an answer to a quick question. I can't really help with that! If something's been answered it'll be there, and if it's not, I'll add it in.

That's just how I manage my blog and I respectfully ask people to check the FAQs and such before sending me questions I've already talked about, some of them extensively.

At the end of the day, answering questions take time and energy, as silly as that sounds. It's just a Tumblr blog after all, but at least in my case, it takes a lot out of me. But whichever question I choose to respond to I do my best to give my all, including this one.

[girlfromthecrypt]

I haven't posted to this account very much (or at all, really), so I figured I'd update you guys on the state of Such Happy Campers and Press Play. I don’t want to talk about the incident that led to me putting SHC on ice because it still rather upsets me, but honestly, I think it was a good decision. I was grieving the “loss” of SHC for a while, but I can't help but believe I made the right call. Continuing on under the circumstances would have drained me and likely taken me right down the road to writer's block.

Furthermore, and in hindsight, I find writing Press Play a lot more fulfilling right now. All my life, I've only ever written horror, so Press Play has been a wonderful breath of fresh air. It feels cathartic writing about struggles I myself have experienced, and it’s so easy to write about music. I love music so much, and I didn't realize how fun it could be to combine this with my passion for writing. You might have been able to tell from the sheer difference in word count between Press Play and SHC, but it's been so much easier working on this somehow. Also, I do believe SHC wasn't all it could have been. I only want to put out my best work, and I don't think SHC was quite on par with Press Play.

But what about SHC, you may wonder. Or you may not, but I'll address it anyhow. I have recently had an idea for what I might turn the original SHC into. It's only a vague outline right now and I won't turn it into anything more until I'm done with Press Play (I have learned that I can't really write several IFs at once, I'm not C.C. Hill), but I figured I'd let you know that the SHC characters aren't gone forever. My idea would involve the entire SHC cast, though some names/appearances/personalities may undergo changes. Also, I might exclude Anita because she was, admittedly, my least favorite to write and might not fit in with the new setting. Other than that, the IF would explore an interesting alternative to the SHC narrative— for example, the character equivalent to Basil Laurier would actually be a practicing lawyer in this one. Another prominent change would be the inclusion of Sawyer Wright-Garcia as a full RO. They’re the only one I actually have a clear mental image for as to where their story would go, and it is… nuts.

Without spoiling too much, the plot and setting would be very different. It'd be horror, except it'd start out very unassuming, light-hearted and sitcom-y, only to then spiral. I feel like I'd enjoy causing that kind of whiplash. Anyhow, that's that. I hope that if you liked and perhaps miss SHC, this post helped at least a little bit.

[mr-cha-n]

The Pen Pal Project

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x reader

Genres: Fluff, fluff, and more fluff

Warnings: Profanities, sappiness, cheating (third party), a tinsy hint of angst

Word Count: 10.2k

Summary: Over a decade of handwritten letters later, you can happily say that the Pen Pal Project was your greatest success.

Reaching up into the top shelf of the wardrobe, toppling onto your tiptoes in order to do so, your fingertips brush against a satin, bowed box. Pulling the box down to your chest, you perch at the edge of your large, periwinkle-sheeted bed, gingerly untangling the pretty blue ribbon and lifting the lid off of the top. Leafing your fingers through the stacks of paper inside, you feel a wave of nostalgia enrapturing your body. Your head rolls back, eyes falling shut as your mind is overtaken by memory.

"Honey, the guests will be here soon!" Your husband yells out from down the stairs.

"I'll just be a few minutes! Can you take the cake out, my love?" You call back, praying you have the time to reminisce before everyone arrives.

You gently pull out the first letter from the top of the stack.

April 5th 2007

Dear pen pal,

I am writing to you because my class has signed up for the Pen Pal Project this year. Because I don't know who you are or anything about you, I am going to answer some of the questions my teacher has given us, and hopefully you can answer them too in your reply!

1. What is your name?

My mom said that I shouldn't give out any personal information, so I can't actually answer this question. My friends all call me Dusty, so you can call me that too.

2. What hobbies do you enjoy?

I am really into skating, starcraft, hockey and rocks. Yesterday, me and my friends went out to the outskirts of the city to see if we could climb the big oak trees, and I found a piece of dolomite next to the river! I really want to find a meteorite but they're very rare so I think it'll take a lot of searching. I also play in my school's field hockey team - my mom wants me to stop playing because last week I cracked one of my teeth, but I think she's going to come around when she sees our tournament next weekend.

3. What do you want to do when you grow up?

My dad is a teacher and my mom is a nurse, so my parents want me to go to university and become a doctor or a professor, but I'd quite like to be an astronaut or Indiana Jones, whichever pays better.

4. What's one thing you want to know about your pen pal?

I want to know everything about you (more than one, sorry)! What's your school like? What year were you born in (mine is 1995)? What do you do for fun? Do you like dogs? Do you have a phone?

I'm not sure if I'll get a response to this letter, but if you do want to, I hope we can keep in touch for a long time :)

Yours truly, 

Dusty

May 21st 2007

Dear Dusty,

I'm really glad I got your letter. Some of my friends got letters that didn't even have a return address, but thankfully I get to write back to you and answer some of your questions. I was also born in 1995 so we are same-age friends. I'm finding this year in school a bit harder because of all the tests we are doing, but we just started doing football again in Physical Education so it's not too bad. Sports are my biggest hobby - I do football and basketball and I want to start wrestling this year. I mostly like to go and play with my friends at the park. I'm on some of the school teams, but my friends tell me I'm too competitive to play professionally.

I also really like gaming and reading. I finished the Protoss campaign over the winter break, but I've had to stop now that school has started again. My friends are all really excited about the announcement of Starcraft II, are you too? Will you keep going with the original or switch to the new one?

When I grow up, I either want to do sports or I'll study to work a good job in business or finance. Being an astronaut would be so cool! You'd definitely be able to find a meteorite then.

About your other questions, I don't have a phone yet but I do love dogs. When I'm older I want at least one dog, if not more. Do you have any pets?

I hope that we can keep writing to each other too - it's fun to have a secret friend.

From,

Cherry

January 4th 2011

Dear Cherry,

Sorry it's been a while - I've been really busy over the winter break, but I just had my tonsils removed so I have a bit of free time in recovery to write this letter. Before you ask, no - I didn't wake up during the surgery which I was a bit disappointed about, but I did manage to swallow enough blood to make me throw up after waking up so that was kinda crazy.

I can't believe that your friend did that! One time my friend Jiwoo got suspended for unscrewing all of the lightbulbs in the science classrooms, but that was because of a dare, not her own free will! I've never been suspended before, but I came close for tardiness last year. Have you ever been suspended?

I also appreciated your inquiry into the Heiran - Hyunki situation. I can't believe I forgot to update you in my last letter, and you'll be glad to receive it! Unbelievably, they got back together. I know it's what we feared would happen, but apparently Heiran has made some of her own mistakes in the relationship, so she's willing to overlook the whole thing. Absolutely crazy - I think that she's just scared to break up with him, which I suppose is a fair concern - just not for a 16-year-old. The whole situation really made me think about the purpose of relationships and love. All of my friends keep rushing into relationships this year, and I feel like I'm being left behind. I just don't care as much as they do, but they act like I'm some alien creature for not wanting to make out with someone in the school locker rooms. Perhaps this isn't something you can relate to, but it would be nice to know if you think I'm justified in my opinion or if there really is something wrong with me.

The thought of starting school again after the break is actually making me want to run away to the mountains. My sister is leaving for university and I don't want to go to school without her. Of course, I can't tell her that, but it's going to be really lonely walking in on my own. Plus, my parents' attention is firmly on me now, so I can't mess up in exams this year. The amount of pressure is going to make my head explode. How are you feeling about the year? I guess because you have the football season to look forward to your mind is probably focused on that?

I'm thinking about rejoining hockey this year. Even though it was too much last year, I did really miss it and I think I can better manage my time now that I don't have to be in the choir anymore. I think my mom might have a fit when I tell her, but the way you talked about sports really made me miss playing. Plus, apparently, I need an outlet for all these teenage hormonal emotions seeing as I'm not getting it on in the McDonald's parking lot.

Anyways, I need to get going now so I have time to blend some fruit up before lunchtime.

Yours truly,

Dusty

A chuckle leaves your lips as you read back over your letter. You'd been so worried about who was dating who and, more importantly, who you weren't dating. You were always so grateful for someone to discuss your fears with - your friends at the time certainly didn't understand. You'd had your first kiss a few weeks after you'd sent the letter. A party at a friend of a friend's house had devolved into typical teenage party games and you'd been pressured into kissing a boy whose name you couldn't remember. In fairness, you remembered that he was cute - curly dark hair and sharp cheekbones - but you'd made a joke about not being able to engage in tonsil tennis and he hadn't laughed so you'd known he wasn't the one.

June 27th 2011

Dear Dusty,

I finally asked out Myunghee and she said yes -

Nuh uh, skip that one.

October 23rd 2013

Dear Dusty,

All the kids in the year have planned a big Halloween party to celebrate our last your of high school. It's pretty exciting - apparently, they've bought some major decorations and they're going to set out the host's house to have scary surprises in all the rooms. I wouldn't be surprised if someone dresses up and decides to chase drunk kids around all night. It's a bittersweet feeling - our last Halloween party, but perhaps our best? Do you have any plans for Halloween and the holidays? I'm thinking of doing a Superman costume, but I'm wondering if that's a bit too obvious?

I put off writing about it first because I didn't want to open the letter with bad news, but I wanted to let you know that me and Myunghee broke up. Even though it's pretty sad, I've known it was coming for a while. If you remember my last letter, I told you about the fight that we had about next year, and I think that was really the beginning of the end. I was hoping that we could make it work a bit longer, but she said that we'd just be dragging out the inevitable and I guess she's right. I think I'm still a bit annoyed about the rollercoaster of the last month seeing if she's known the whole time that we should break up but I'll get over it. It's mostly just weird not having her around all the time. Everywhere feels a lot emptier now. I'm glad I can write to you about this - it's a bit awkward talking about it with my friends because they are also friends with her, but I can actually be honest with you. 

Anyway, I hope you are doing a bit better than me. Your date sounded pretty cool - I've always wanted to go on an ice-skating date but I'd be a bit scared of falling over and making a fool of myself so I admire your confidence. If you are still seeing him, I hope he's treating you well. Chocolates and flowers at least once a month - and you can tell him I said so if he asks. If you're not seeing him, I (pre-emptively) can't believe he did that to you! What a jerk...

Are you watching the AFC Champions League final? A few friends and I are going to go down to the bar to watch it together and pray for a good result - either way, it should be fun. I suppose your dad will have it on in the house, but I'll be shocked if you tell me you're going to watch it with him after last time. Best to avoid the flying wrath of a TV remote. There's something about dads and sports, isn't there? I wonder if I'll be like that when I'm an adult. I hope not, but I already get too into it so maybe it's inevitable.

Yours,

Cherry

That date had been a good one as far as you remember, but the memory has become blurry after all the times your husband has taken you ice-skating since. You'd dated that guy for a few more weeks after this, but he made a weird comment to one of his friends when he didn't think you could hear it so you knew he wasn't the one.

Finishing high school and moving on to university had been a formative time for you. You gained a sense of identity that you'd lost as a teenager, and reconnected with your younger self. A smile crinkles your lips as you think about that time. The stupid escapades of adults let loose on their own for the first time, the lifelong friends you'd made, and the wealth of knowledge you'd gained about yourself and about the world. Your husband never attended university so he never experienced any of that, but you suppose he did have his own life-changing revelations during this time.

February 8th 2015

Dear Cherry,

I'm in crisis and I need your advice! I haven't spoken to anyone else about this yet, but I have a feeling building in me that needs to be released and you always give me the best advice. I'm thinking about dropping out of my program. 

I know this sounds super rash and stupid, but I really hate it. I find it so dull and confusing, and everyone else is much better at it than I am. And, if I'm really being honest, I only chose medicine because my mother wanted me to. I would feel so stupid revealing that to anyone else, but I think you already knew that was the case. I'm struggling to keep going with it without the passion that other students seem to have, and when I hear about my friends' courses they sound so much more interesting.

If I actually go through with it, this may be the last letter I write to you. But, given that I survived my mother's wrath, a life studying literature or archaeology sounds so much more fulfilling to my brain even if not my pockets. What do you think about all of this? Is it worth following a passion that may lead to nothing or sticking it out with a stable, reliable path to future success without enjoyment?

As you know, I make very impulsive decisions, so I need your help in deciding whether or not this would be one of those.

Yours truly,

Dusty

P.S. I got asked to the dance by this really attractive guy who works at the coffee shop on campus so not everything is going wrong.

P.S.S. I found a rock which I thought was a meteorite but it was actually a magnetite - better luck next time!

You'd dropped out of your medicine major the moment you'd received the reply. Of course, your pen pal was a lot more supportive of your decision than your parents were but they got over it in time. Your fate had been decided the moment you'd stepped out of your first archaeology class - heart beaming and mind brimming with all of your plans for the future. Despite your parents' apprehensions, it had been the right decision. It didn't take long for your burning enthusiasm and insatiable appetite for learning to be picked up by your professors, and by your second year in the major you'd been invited on an exclusive trip one of your professors was going on with a handful of other students. 

It was around this time that you'd started wondering more about your pen pal. The flutters of your heart each time the small envelope appeared in your dorm pigeonhole had been drowned out by the rush of university life. Reflecting back, your obliviousness to your own emotions makes you shake your head in disbelief. But then, you'd met Daejung. He'd taken you out dancing, brought you flowers and laughed at your jokes, and you began to wonder if he was the one.

May 16th 2017

Dear Dusty,

Officially, you may know me better than anyone else. I know I already sent you a letter this month that you probably haven't even received, but I realised that it is the tenth anniversary since I received your first letter. Not to be soppy, but it truly means the world to me that we've been able to keep up this correspondence this whole time. 

As far as I'm aware, we won the Pen Pal Project. No one else I know stayed in touch with their childhood pen pal for nearly as long as we have, and I think that we deserve some kind of reward for it.

But, beyond any records we must have broken, I'm most grateful for the friendship we have developed. In any other circumstances, I would have said that it was impossible for people who have never met to be each other's closest confidants, but I can confidently say that there is nothing I wouldn't tell you. If it turns out you've been some 60-year-old man this whole time, consider me logged off from this life. 

My wish is that we can keep doing this for as long as we are able to hold pens in our hands, and even then I'd consider getting a scribe to write the letters for me.

As a gift, I feel that it's about time that I tell you my name - my real name. If you (and your mom) still don't feel comfortable sharing yours then Dusty is still perfectly fine for me, but the fundamental disconnect between telling a person your deepest secrets and not telling them your name has gotten too overwhelming for me, so it's time to rectify that.

Yours, 

Seungcheol

P.S. If you still want to call me Cherry that's also a-okay!

The first time Seungcheol revealed his name to you, you remember you'd dropped the letter in shock. As if knowing his name changed things, as if he didn't live a completely separate life from you already. It wasn't like knowing who he was would change anything about your life - you had no connection to him other than your letters - but the intimacy of his name had you staggering a few steps backwards, eye bulging from your head at the fallen letter. It seems rather overdramatic now, but in hindsight it always does.

This letter had been a bit of a turning point in your relationship, beyond the end of the nicknames you'd used for ten years. You'd always felt close enough to Seungcheol to pour your heart out to him in writing, but the closeness you felt was compounded in this letter. You wipe a few rogue tears from your eyes as you read back over it, moved by the raw declarations Seungcheol had been brave enough to express. If you really think about it, this letter was the first time you'd truly tried to picture what your pen pal looked like. Up until this point, you'd been enflamed by his words and unloaded all of your deepest thoughts to him in return, but this was the first time that you'd realised that your pen pal was a real man your age that you were already deeply connected to. The thought had been scandalous in your mind, and the shame that overwhelmed you when you'd met up with Daejung later that day made it hard to look him in the eye. Fantasising about a man you had never seen before had felt as bad as cheating, and the various forms of him that had appeared in your dreams for the rest of the week only compounded your guilt.

August 4th 2018

Dear Seungcheol,

Happy 24th Birthday! It's actually shocking to me to think that we're this old already, but I think mid-20s is a label that suits you well these days. Jokes aside, I hope you have a really lovely day doing whatever it is you have planned. I'll assume you're off bungee jumping with Jeonghan or on an all-inclusive golfing retreat until you tell me otherwise. In all cases, I hope that you are surrounded by friends and family to remind you how special you are.

Also, congratulations on your new job! I can't believe you didn't tell me that you were interviewing for it, but I suppose you didn't want to jinx anything by putting it into writing. I always thought that coaching would suit you - you could scare me into coming to practice any day! You should be really proud of yourself; I know that I am.

You'll never guess who got in contact with me this week! All out of nowhere, I got a message from Heiran of all people inviting me to her and Hyunki's wedding! I guess I was really wrong about that one... For their sake, I hope that their relationship is a bit better than it was in school. I was very surprised to be invited seeing as we haven't spoken in years, but I suppose it'll be nice to see everyone from school again. Perhaps I should tell Daejung that he can't come and you can be my plus one instead - I think you know the couple better than he does!

Another one of my friends just gave birth to a baby boy. All of this marrying and birth-giving is really screwing with my head. As far as I was aware, that's a thing that proper adults do and we're nowhere close to that yet. Even if I know that 24 is a very common age to be doing that stuff, it's still more than my brain can process. Once again, I am left behind as everyone else moves on to the next stage of life. I'm grateful, at least, that Daejung is pretty relaxed about all of that stuff. Hoping we can have a few more years before we start thinking about any of it - I still have so much travelling to do, things to see, and meals to eat before I flush all of my money down the toilet.

Jiwoo got really excited this week because she thought she saw Lee Byunghun walking past her work, so that made me feel a bit better about my life priorities.

Yours truly,

(Y/n)

P.S. I'm spending extra money to make sure this gets to you on time, so if it doesn't you cannot blame me.

P.P.S. My new address is - XXX

That year you and Daejung had finally moved in together. The apartment was small and in a less-than-nice area, but you'd been ecstatic at the chance to live with the man you loved. It had been a rough year before that - Daejung had missed out on a job offer for his dream role and you weren't able to go abroad on an excavation because he didn't want you to leave for months just as you were moving in together - but you'd seen the new apartment as symbolic of the new beginning you two would get together.

You'd also thought a lot about meeting up with Seungcheol that year. Looking back, it was crazy that you never did. Both of you expressed a will to do so, but something had always prevented you from actually doing it. You were completing your postgraduate degree part-time and working a service job that was supporting both you and Daejung at the start of the year, moving in together in the middle of the year, and Seungcheol had gotten busy with his new job in the latter half of the year. Even though you had never met up before, that you weren't able to that year was the first time it felt like a loss.

December 12th 2019

Dear (Y/n),

I've been thinking about you a lot recently. Writing to you has been the highlight of my month for a while now, and I'm so proud of you for everything you've achieved. It's amazing that you're already being asked to go on your first excursion as a proper expert, and I hope that Daejung comes around to the idea of you being away for so long. I'm sure that I'll miss your letters so I can imagine he's feeling much worse about it - but that shouldn't stop you from going. You might find an ancient vase and accidently release a curse upon the world, or discover a new dinosaur! Even if you go and are just digging up dirt with no results, I'll still be impressed.

One of the kids I mentor asked me if I knew what Starcraft was yesterday, and at that moment I really felt my age. I think it's led to some level of introspection I usually avoid, but one thing that has become clear to me is that I'm very grateful for this friendship. I hope that one day soon you can perhaps travel to Daegu and visit, or I can come see you in Seoul. Or perhaps it will take away the great fun of having a pen pal if we meet - you may be expecting someone completely opposite from me and seeing me may ruin the magic?

But the main reason I've been thinking about you is because I finally finished Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982. You were very correct in your recommendation - I can't believe it took me so long to read it! Summary of thoughts: I'm raging and also apologising to my mother and grandmother every time I see them. You have to send me another recommendation now that I'm finished - maybe some sort of mystery or thriller if you know any?

Yours,

Seungcheol

P.S. I suppose I should send you a whip and brown fedora and then you can officially say you're Indiana Jones. 

January 7th 2021

Dear Seungcheol,

I'm glad you had fun on your trip! The picture you sent of the mountains was absolutely gorgeous and was a hilarious reminder that I have no idea what you look like. I keep saying I want to go to Japan but can hardly find the time, but after seeing the picture I really must go now.

I have some big news.

Daejung proposed and we're getting married!! 

I know it's a bit out of the blue - I was surprised too. He's been putting off any mention of marriage for the last few months so I assumed he just wasn't interested but I guess that was all a cover to stop me from suspecting the proposal. It happened a few days after I got back from Vienna. It was really sweet - he threw this big party with all of our close friends and family to celebrate the end of my project and proposed at the end of the night. I was pretty shocked which I suppose was the point, but I'm really just excited that we're taking that step together.

My main purpose for writing is that I wanted to invite you to the wedding. It's a big step, but it wouldn't feel right to get married without one of my oldest friends there. If you decide you don't want to and you want to keep our friendship strictly on paper then I'd totally understand. But if you do want to come, we'd love to have you with us. I'll cover any travel and hotel fees if it means I can have you here.

Your continued support via letter means the world to me. 

Yours truly, 

(Y/n)

The wedding. Oh, the wedding.

A few nights before your wedding Daejung had come to the hotel you'd been staying in that week to finalise all of the preparations and observe some old-fashioned pre-wedding rituals your mother insisted on as if you and Daejung hadn't lived together for years before that. He'd given you a marriage gift a bit early because you were supposed to go straight to your honeymoon in Japan on the day of the wedding. Your heart fluttered in excitement as you opened the box, electrified at the surprise of what your future-husband could have gotten you to symbolise your union together. The reality had been, you could now admit, disappointing. The necklace had been pretty, and certainly not cheap. A silver heart set with a gleaming diamond to match the ring that Daejung had picked out for you. You'd smiled, thanking him for the gift and tried to ignore the discontent brewing in your own heart.

The first time you saw Seungcheol was at your wedding reception. Because of his job and the distance, he hadn't been able to make your morning ceremony, but the fact that he even chose to come all that way meant a lot to you.

"Who's the hunk with the green scarf?" One of your bridesmaids, Jiwoo had asked, pointing out a man standing alone by one of the drinks tables. 

For a moment you didn't want to believe that it was him, but who else would be at your wedding that you didn't recognise? Tall and broad with fluffy hair and a handsome-beyond-belief face, Seungcheol had been a picture to witness. All dressed up in a suit, you thought he looked rather like a super spy or a CEO from one of those corny romance books. In any case, you were shocked to your core that that was the man you'd spilt your darkest secrets to for over a decade now.

"Oh, I think that might be Seungcheol," You breathed, voice wavering with uncertainty even though you were now certain it was him.

"Seungcheol - hmm, why does that name sound so familiar?" Your other bridesmaid, Mirae, pondered, her brow crinkled as she tried to identify the name in her memory.

"Oh my god, you invited your pen pal to your wedding?!" Jiwoo exclaimed, spinning on her heel to give you an incredulous look. 

"Of course I did, I've known him for almost as long as I've known you!" You stuttered, your head still trying to play catch-up after the dizzying appearance of said topic of conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me that your pen pal was so hot?" Mirae scoffed, mock fanning her face in a way that made you feel shamefully irritated.

"Surprisingly, he didn't mention it in his letters." You responded, offering her a deadpan look and an eyebrow raise. She shrugged, but you'd known that wouldn't be the end of that conversation.

About 15 minutes later, you'd finally managed to make your way over to Seungcheol's perch. It was hard to decipher if your delay was because of all of the people trying to talk to you at the same time (perks of it being your wedding) or because of the unexplained fear and anxiety that was bubbling inside you at the prospect of finally meeting him face-to-face. As you finally made eye-contact, and he'd flashed his teeth at you in an infectious grin, you'd felt all of that melt away from you.

"Hi," You greeted, not able to wipe your own smile from your face.

"Hi," He responded, a peace settling between the two of you. "You look really beautiful."

Your face was all ablush and you felt a sense of dread at what would happen if you started like this. Starting down at your dress, you were unable to look back up at him.

"Thank you, I had it specially made," You smiled, your eyes gleaming as he chuckled at your joke. "I really appreciate you coming all this way, it means so much to me that you're here. Please let me know if there's anything you need - have you eaten yet? I can get you some-"

"It's okay, I'm feeling great." His hand reached out to still your own, which you hadn't realised was nervously picking at at skin around your nails.

"I can't believe that this is how we're first meeting," You breathed, a sense of shyness overwhelming you at the feeling of his skin against yours.

"If you ask me, we've definitely met before. Just not physically." His words had your head spinning so much that you were struggling to remember that you were both at your wedding.

"Poetic," You agreed, trying to present at least outwardly calmer than you felt inside. 

"Oh! Before I forget, I got you this." Seungcheol extended a hand out with a small, wrapped box in his palm. "It wasn't on the registry, and really it's only for you so I thought I should give it to you personally instead of putting it on the gifts table."

"That's really generous of you, you didn't have to." You offered him a shy smile, taking the gift from him. The neatly wrapped box had been laced shut with a pretty blue ribbon, and you remember the thumping of your heart in your chest as you undid it. A small gasp involuntarily left your mouth, your hand moving to cover it in shock. 

"Important backstory - I found it a few years after you told me you were looking for it. I wanted to just send it to you then, but I thought that I should keep it for when we met. I never thought that it would take so long to do so, but I hung on to it just in case."

A small chunk of dark meteorite sat in the box in your hand. Looking up and down between Seungcheol and the rock, you felt your eyes well up with tears that you had to force back down to not ruin your wedding makeup.

"Oh wow," Your voice cracked, "Seungcheol, this is seriously so sweet. I'm shocked that you kept this for me."

You felt unable to tell him all of your emotions, hoping that the gratitude in your eyes was enough to express them all to him. The sweet, adoring expression on his face told you that he understood without you needing to say any more.

That, unfortunately, had been the highlight of your wedding.

Not an hour later, it had all gone to shit, starting with a well-intentioned comment from your best friend.

"The wedding is so gorgeous (Y/n), I'll have to take notes for my own." Jiwoo gushed, pointing at all the flowers that had now been revealed as people moved into the outside area of the venue.

"I know, Daejung did a really good job picking out this place." 

"I'm so happy for you two, especially after the whole Vienna situation."

A bolt of alarm rang through your bones as you a struck still by the comment. You didn't miss the panicked look Mirae sent Jiwoo, who looked equally as confused as you felt.

"What-" You tried to compose yourself amongst the rushes of fear that were threatening to render you completely useful. "What do you mean the Vienna situation?"

Jiwoo was now floundering, looking between you and Mirae with a gaping mouth.

"I just meant - I mean, nevermind - I thought... I thought you knew?" The last whispered part had your heart sinking to the bottom of your chest. Mirae was refusing to meet your gaze, and that was telling you all you needed to know.

"Did something happen when I was away?" You demanded, your voice slick with emotion.

"(Y/n)..." Mirae started, but the withering look you gave her immediately stopped her placating.

Four words later and your entire life had exploded. He cheated on you. Whilst you were away, no less. And then, as if it would magically make everything better, proposed instead of telling you.

The look on your then-husband's face when you stormed up to him demanding to know the truth was enough to convince you of the reality of your friend's words. You could now admit, amidst all of the hurt, anger and disgust you felt towards Daejung at that moment, your overriding emotion was utter panic at the thought of having to tell all of your guests that the wedding was to be stopped and annulled. A trivial emotion amongst the personal grief you were experiencing, but undoubtedly the cause of your greatest distress at the moment.

You didn't see Seungcheol as or after it all happened. Any pretence of calm instantly slipped the moment you began speaking to your family and friends - a speech which ended with you in floods of tears being escorted away from the hosts of shocked guests. It was only hours later that you realised that you hadn't said goodbye and, worse, that you'd invited him all of this way just to witness the shitshow that was your failed marriage. Too ashamed to burden him further, you chose not to write to him for months afterwards He gave you space too, and you weren't sure if you felt grateful for it or utterly alarmed that he may just never want to speak to you again.

May 6th 2021

Dear Seungcheol,

I'm deeply sorry for my complete silence, although I suppose I do not need to explain to you the reason for it. My hand has been itching to pick up my pen and write to you every month that goes by, but only now have I overcome my own shame and disgrace to do so. First of all, I have to sincerely apologise for making you waste your time coming to such an awful event. I can only hope that you managed to get a slice of cake before it all fell apart so that I could at least offer you the condolence of a delicious snack. I also must apologise for completely abandoning you during your trip to the city. I was really looking forward to showing you my favourite spots, and I let my own misery get in the way of being a good host.

I hope you are well. As I haven't heard from you in a little while, I don't know what's going on with you so I have little to comment on. But, at the very least, I wish for your good health and general happiness. If you are worried about me, you don't need to be. I have taken the last few months to put my life back together, and I feel like I'm making better progress these days - hence the letter writing. I'm thinking of getting a dog for companionship since I have vehemently sworn off men for the foreseeable future.

I also wanted you to know that I treasure your gift. As it turns out, meeting you and getting a meteorite was the best part of that night, if you'll believe it. I have it kept in a special box on my desk just to make sure that it's safe and that I'll never lose it. I wish I could have given you something in return. If we end up meeting again I'll have to start planning now to make sure my gift is just as good as yours was. Speaking of, you are welcome to come and stay with me any time you want, and we can rain-check that city tour. Alternatively, if you want to ignore this letter and never speak to me again, I'd also understand.

Yours truly,

(Y/n) 2021

May 19th 2021

Dear (Y/n),

I'm so glad to have heard from you, and that you are doing okay. As much as I appreciate all of your apologies, none of them are necessary. If anything, I feel that I should be apologising to you for leaving you in the dark for just as long as you left me - you had a much better excuse too. Although I didn't want to overwhelm you with letters after such awful news, I realise now that leaving it so long was not the right course of action.

I think getting a dog is a fantastic idea. Company is something you'll never lack with a dog around, and I can agree that dogs are much better companions than men.

As for me, I am doing well too. It's mostly just been a cycle of work and sleep, so I haven't got much to report, but I'm hoping for a more eventful summer. Visiting the city would be a wonderful way to achieve this, so perhaps closer to the time I'll write again to arrange coming to stay with you. I would love to see you again soon. My only other news that I know you'd be interested in is that Jeonghan has seemingly met someone. He's keeping all of the details close to the chest, so I'll have to update you in the next letter when I know more, but it's an exciting revelation. He seems very happy, which is all I can hope for.

When I told you that I wouldn't stop writing to you until I could no longer hold a pen in my hand, I meant it. I hope that you will never again think that I wouldn't want to speak to you -it's the highlight of my day.

Yours,

Seungcheol

P.S. I'm sure you don't want to talk about the wedding, but just so you know - he was a fucking fool to let you go.

You remember the relief you'd felt at getting that letter. The uncertainty of whether or not Seungcheol still wanted to talk to you was enough to keep you on edge for the entire 13 days that it took for you to get his response. But, as always, your friend was reliably there for you.

The time you'd taken over those last new months, and the few months afterwards had been tumultuous, but cleansing. In your post-marriage clarity, you'd realised all of the opportunities you'd missed because of Daejung. Deciding that you wouldn't let him take anything else from you, you'd arranged to go on a long excursion you'd waved off for wedding planning when you'd first heard about it. Learning about the project from one of your old professors who'd transferred to Cairo University, you were offered a position on the ongoing expedition in Saqqara. Although Egyptology was not your speciality, your master's dissertation on the mummified scarab beetles found at Saqqara in 2018 and your tutor's reference got you onto a low-level position on the expedition.

Six months in Egypt had been exactly what you needed to move on from Daejung. At that time, your relationship with your closest friends was also on the rocks, and it was really only Seungcheol and your family that you missed during your time abroad.

December 23rd 2021

Dear Seungcheol,

I've finally got some time off over the holiday break, and I'm ready to give you the download of everything that's happening here in Saqqara! But, first, I'm going to have to beg you for the details of your double date with Jeonghan and Jooyeon. How was it!? Was Jooyeon's friend nice? Were there sparks? How many times did Jeonghan bring up embarrassing stories about you as a kid?

I hope it went well - you deserve all of the happiness in the world.

Now, onto the important stuff!

I'm not sure if you saw on the news, but we've made some pretty huge finds since I got here, Obviously, I can't give myself all the credit, but just being part of the team that made it happen is pretty incredible. We've found multiple tombs of dignitaries from the reign of Ramses II. I'm doing a bit of research on one of the tombs, belonging to a military leader called Hor Mohib, but I have to keep taking breaks every 20 minutes to pinch my arm and remind myself that this is reality.

My Arabic has gotten significantly better now - I was rather rusty when I first got here. I'm able to have reasonably complex conversations with the Egyptian members of the team and the locals helping out, and it's pretty cool for my nerd brain to be surrounded by a group of people equally as excited to be digging up ornamental graves as I am.

I'm really glad I came. It's hard to admit, even to you, but my life really fell apart after the wedding. Honestly, I didn't even know if I wanted to keep working in archaeology or if I wanted to jet off to Iceland and buy a farm. And the worst bit is that it's been so lonely since. Losing Daejung was one thing, but I haven't spoken to Jiwoo or Mirae since. I can't bear to look at them knowing that they hid that secret from me for so long. Maybe one day I'll be able to forgive them, but it certainly won't be now. Your letters have been my only sanctuary of human connection in these past few months, and that's something I'll have to add to my list of neverending gratitude I hold for you.

I realize now that I haven’t been very good at expressing how much your friendship means to me, how it's been my lifeline in this mess. Your letters are the only constant, the only thing that feels like home even when I am surrounded by ancient wonders and new colleagues.

And so, I have a confession. I want to see you again. I want to tell you all of this in person. I can't say what will come of it, but I know that after all of these years, after all the letters and confessions and secrets shared, we owe it to ourselves to meet in a way that isn't rushed or overshadowed by anything else.

Maybe we could meet halfway between Seoul and Daegu, or I could take the train down to visit you? I need to see you again, not as a guest at my ruined wedding, but as Seungcheol, the one person who’s known me at my best and worst, and still chooses to write back.

Let me know what you think.

Yours truly, 

(Y/n)

P.S. I've included a small rock I found on the dig - nothing special but it reminded me of our old conversations. I hope it makes you smile.

P.P.S. Please don't feel pressured to say yes, but know that I would really like to see you again.

You can't quite recall what possessed you to write such a bold letter. Perhaps it had been the desert sun, the thrill of discovering something new in something old at Saqqara, or simply your immense loneliness.

Days had turned into weeks as you anxiously waited for a response, checking your makeshift mailbox daily. Then one morning, there it was—a simple white envelope with Seungcheol’s familiar sloping handwriting.

January 17th 2022

My Dear (Y/n),

I've thought about meeting you countless times since our first encounter. After reading your words, I realise that I've been waiting for this just as much as you have. How's this - I'll take the first train up to Seoul when you're back and we can spend the day together. No distractions, no interruptions - just you and me, finally getting to know each other beyond the pages of our letters.

I'm looking forward to me, more than I can express. Until I see you again, take care, and know that I'm counting down the days.

All yours,

Seungcheol

P.S. the best bit about the date was spending time with Jeonghan. No more needs to be said.

You stare down at the letter, your heart pacing as fast as it had the first time you'd received it. Beautiful words from a beautiful man with a beautiful soul.

You'd gotten back to Seoul by the end of March 2022, and, as promised, Seungcheol came to visit you that first weekend in April. When he'd stepped off the train in the bustling station at the heart of the city, you were there to greet him. You'd spotted him standing there, taller even than you'd remembered, with that same easy smile that had always leapt off of the page.

The world around you had seemed to blur as you walked toward each other, nerves fluttering in your stomach but quickly dissolving as he pulled you into a gentle, lingering hug. The connection between you, once confined to words on paper, felt more real than ever.

You spent the day wandering through the city, visiting old bookstores, sipping coffee in quiet cafes, and talking as if no time had passed since that fateful wedding reception. Every shared laugh, every story swapped, deepened the bond you'd forged in ink.

June 14th 2022

Seungcheol,

It feels like only yesterday that we were wandering through Seoul together, but at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago. I keep finding myself replaying that day in my mind - how easy it was to talk to you in person, as if we'd done it a hundred times before. It's strange, isn't it? How someone can feel so familiar, even when they're a whole new experience at the same time.

I've been thinking about our conversation in the bookstore. You said something about how some stories are better left unfinished, that sometimes the best part of a tale is imagining what could be. I can't stop thinking about that - about how some stories do need an ending, and how others are meant to keep going, even if we don’t know where they’ll lead.

There's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I haven't found the right words yet. I guess I'm still figuring it out myself. It's just that being around you feels different to how I expected. There's a comfort, yes, but also something more, something I can't quite define. It's like we're on the edge of something new, and it's exciting and a little terrifying at the same time. I'm not sure if you feel it too, but I hop you do.

Anyway, I don't want to get too ahead of myself as usual. I'm just really glad we've reconnected, and that we've managed to keep in touch after all these years. 

It means more to me than I can say. Let’s make sure our next meeting isn’t too far off—I’m already looking forward to it.

Until then, take care of yourself, and don’t work too hard. I’ll be watching the clock until I see you again.

Yours, 

(Y/n)

That day in April 2022 hadn't been the last time you saw Seungcheol. You'd made that mistake once in the past, and neither of you was willing to do so again. He continued to come to Seoul to see you, and you travelled down to Daegu to meet him and his friends. Your letters ceased for a while over this time due to the frequency you were seeing each other, but for the first time that didn't bother you.

You remember, with teary eyes, the day that you finally confessed your feelings.

It was 25th September 2022, after a whole summer spent together, and the air was tinged with the first hint of autumn's chill. THe leaves were just beginning to turn, painting the streets in warm hues of amber and crimson as you walked side by side in a quiet part in Seoul. The easy laughter and conversation that had marked your friendship over the years felt heavier that day, as it something unspoken was lingering in the crisp air between you.

You had spent countless days together that summer - visiting museums, trying new restaurants, even embarking on a spontaneous week trip to the coast. Each moment with Seunngchaeol had felt like a dream, a slow realisation that your heart was no longer just content with friendship. But with that realization came a fear you hadn't expected. What if this was enough for him? What if risking everything by confessing how you truly felt would unravel the beautiful bond you had spent so many years cultivating?

That evening, as the sun dipped low on the horizon, casting long shadows across the park, you found yourselves sitting on a bench overlooking a small pond. The water was still, reflecting the fiery colours of the sky, and for a long moment, neither of you spoke. Seungcheol had been quieter than usual that day, his expression pensive as if he, too, was wrestling with unspoken thoughts.

You felt your heart pound in your chest, each beat louder than the last as you tried to summon the courage to speak. The words were caught in your throat, but the fear of losing him if you didn’t say them was stronger. Finally, unable to hold it in any longer, you turned to him, your voice trembling as you broke the silence.

"Seungcheol," you began, your hands nervously fidgeting in your lap. He turned to look at you, his eyes soft and attentive, encouraging you to continue. "There’s something I need to tell you… something I’ve been feeling for a while now."

His gaze didn’t waver, but you noticed the slight hitch in his breath, the way his fingers tightened slightly around the edge of the bench. The world seemed to shrink to just the two of you, everything else fading away as you gathered your thoughts.

"I—" You paused, trying to find the right words, but there were none that seemed adequate to express the depth of your feelings. "I think I’ve fallen in love with you."

The admission hung in the air between you, a fragile confession that you could no longer take back. For a moment, time seemed to stop, the world holding its breath as you waited for his response. You searched his face for any sign of what he might be thinking, every second feeling like an eternity.

Then, without a word, Seungcheol reached out, his hand gently cupping your cheek, his thumb brushing away the tear that had escaped down your cheek. There was a tenderness in his touch, a warmth that radiated through you, calming your racing heart.

"I’ve been waiting to hear those words," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "Because I’ve been feeling the same way for a long time too."

His words washed over you, a wave of relief and joy so overwhelming that you felt your breath hitch. You had been so afraid, so uncertain, and now, with his quiet confession, all those fears melted away. He leaned in slowly, giving you time to pull back if you needed to, but you didn’t. You closed the distance between you, your lips meeting his in a gentle, tender kiss that felt like a promise—one of many yet to come.

Hearing the doorbell ring down below you, and the sound of your husband's voice calling out to say he'll get it, you rush forward to reach your favourite letter - just one more before you return to reality.

November 3rd 2023

My dearest (Y/n),

I'm so glad you're having such a good time in Rome - I'm rather jealous of all of your sightseeing and pasta-eating. Kkuma and I are holding the fort down at home, although I had to be scolded yesterday for breaking the toaster when I tried to make Kkuma some breakfast. I sent some more suncream over in the mail because I know you've already run out and forgotten to get some more - I'm not sure if this letter will reach you first, but if it does look out for the parcel.

Now, I'll admit, the main purpose of my letter is something a little different than simply catching up, as much as I love those letters too. I thought about doing this once you returned home, but you've already had one man declare his everlasting intentions to you after you returned from an excursion, so I thought it better to avoid rehashing those memories (we'll do this again when you're home, but I thought it might be fun to do it this way).

If you have the suncream box already, then you may have a sneaking suspicion of what I'm about to say.

I've loved you for as long as I've known you. As a twelve-year-old kid, I didn't know that was what it was, but the level of obsession I had with writing to you and receiving your replies was beyond any normal friendship. You were always so fascinatingly cool, out of reach, and genuinely yourself. Being in love with your pen pal isn't always an easy thing - the cold sweats I would wake up to after dreaming about meeting for the first time, the constant updates about a life that I wasn't a part of, the announcement of your engagement to another person. I tried to pretend it wasn't real for a long time, see other people, because of how silly I felt about being in love with someone I'd never met.

And then I saw you standing there, in that beautiful white gown with your hair up and that gorgeous smile on your face. Did you know that my hands were sweating when I gave you that gift? I don't think I've ever told you that before. I became certain then that I was completely screwed. Entirely head over heels.

I'll never be happy that that marriage didn't work out for you - all I've ever wanted is your happiness, be that with me or someone else. But I won't lie and say that nothing has made me happier than the consequences of it.

This past year has been the happiest time I've ever known. Every moment with you is filled with such joy, and every moment without I'm left with a record of memories to remind me of the time we've had together. When I look at you, I don't just see my past, but also my future. I see a lifetime of shared experiences, of laughter, or quiet moments that mean more than words ever could. I see us growing old together, supporting each other, and playing trash hockey on the wooden floor of our kitchen.

You are my best friend, my partner, the love of my life. And I want to spent every day making sure you know just how much you mean to me.

So, that being said, will you (Y/n) (Y/l/n), do me the honour of marrying me?

All yours,

Seungcheol

P.S. Please don't feel pressured to say yes, but know that I would really like it if you did.

You fiddle with the precious ring on your left hand, your fingers lingering over the smooth chunk of dark stone in the centre.

A gentle brush of a hand on your shoulders brings you back to the real world, tears now flaking on your cheeks as you sniffle at the words on the page.

"Are you okay, darling?" Seungcheol asks gently.

"Yes, sorry, I know the guests are here now - I just wanted to look at these," You reply, holding up the letters for your husband to see.

You watch his expression soften, a suggestion of moisture in the corner of his eyes as he looks over the written words.

Swooping down, he places a long, loving kiss on your forehead, letting your bodies rest together in harmony for a moment.

"I can't believe they still make me cry," You huff, letting out a soft laugh. "And I don't even think I can brush it off as hormones."

"Seeing that just looking at them has me tearing up, I don't think I can either." Seungcheol smiles, stroking the back of your hair affectionately.

"They're probably getting antsy downstairs, right?" You say, beginning to pile the letters back up into the box.

Standing up, you lean forward to press all of your passion and adoration onto your husband's lips. You can feel his intensity matching yours, his hands finding the side of your hips to keep you stable.

"They can wait," Seungcheol replies, his forehead leaning softly against your own. "They're not the ones who are pregnant after all."

You laugh, a sound filled with both joy and contentment, feeling the warmth of his love surrounding you. "I suppose you're right," you say, a smile spreading across your face. You take one last glance at the box of letters, a testament to the incredible journey you've both shared—one that began with innocent childhood exchanges and blossomed into a love story more profound than you could have ever imagined.

Hand in hand, you and Seungcheol make your way downstairs to greet your guests, the letters safely tucked away in their satin box. As you step into the room, you know that no matter what the future holds, you'll always have those words, those memories, and most importantly, each other.

[delulu-baddie]

Special Surprise

Summary: You plan a surprise party for Kate but in order for your plan to work you have to pretend to not plan anything for her.

Pairing: Kate Martin x Reader

Warnings: None just fluff

Today is Kate's birthday and since I’ve known her, I've always made a big deal of it even when we werent dating. However, today my plan is to make her think it’s the last of my priorities, when in reality I’ve been planning a party for her for the past two months. I have a career in event planning so I went all out to celebrate her special day. Her parents, siblings, and some close friends flew in last night and are staying in a hotel close by. I rented out a venue for us to have enough space for everyone, and were getting caterers and many other things.

 It's currently 7:30 and I have a lot to do today, so I quietly get out of bed and start getting ready for the day. As I'm finishing up the final touches of my makeup, I hear footsteps in the hallway signifying Kate is now awake. I take a deep breath and pray that I don't cave and screw my whole plan up by just telling her everything I have planned out of excitement. She knocks on the door and walks in immediately  wrapping her arms around my waist and snuggling her head into my neck. “Good morning birthday girl” I say, giving her a quick kiss on the head. She lifts her head saying good morning back to me, turning me around and giving me a kiss on the lips. “So what are your plans for the day?” I ask her, she gives me a confused look and I immediately know what she's about to say. “What do you mean, didn’t we plan to do our birthday brunch tradition like always” she asked, lifting an eyebrow. Kate and I have always gone out with each other for brunch on our birthdays just to have time with the two of us, but I have so much to do today I'm not going to be able to do it today so I'm hoping the party will make up for it. 

“I'm sorry baby, I must’ve forgotten to tell you. I have a meeting today with my boss about an event coming up for a special client. I'm not going to be able to make it. "I say feeling guilty about bailing on the one thing I know she was looking forward to. “Oh, it’s okay we can do something later when we're both done, I have practice anyways so I probably should’t eat a bunch of food anyways.” she said trying to play off but failed to hide her clearly disappointed face. “ I promise I'll make it up to you, maybe we can go out after we both finish what we need to do today, but I really need to go. I'm already running late, i love you”  I give her a kiss and quickly start gathering my things to leave. Thankfully I didn't say anything about tonight's plans but her saddened expression almost broke my facade. 

The first thing i have to do today is to go pick out an outfit for Kate to wear tonight so i make my way to the mall and go into a few stores before settling on an all red suit with a white top. I go to check out and run into Jada and Gabby “OMG hey guys, i wasn’t expecting to see you until tonight” i say bringing them into a hug “Hey! Yeah we had to get some last minute pieces for our outfits” Jada says hugging me back. “We’re really excited about tonight, it sounds like you have a lot planned out.” Gabby says with a wide smile. “I do, I feel bad about keeping it from Kate, but I know she's going to love it, especially seeing all of her family and friends.” I replied, “Do you need any help with anything, we don't have much planned for the day and we know youre going to be super busy.” Jada asked. “Yes, actually would you mind picking up the cake from the bakery on your way to the party. The table will already be set up so you can just ask the workers to bring the cake in because it's going to be a little heavy. "I ask “of course, just text one of us the address and we'll text you when we get it.” Gabby says “Thank you so much, I have to get going but I love you guys, I'll see you later.” I give them another hug and make my way back to my car.

After getting into the car I get a text message from Kate, it's a picture of her with a birthday girl tiara and button the A’ja got her. I heart the picture telling her she looks adorable before putting my phone on, continuing the errands that i need to do . After a couple of hours I finally finished setting everything up for the party, loving how the decorations turned out. I decided to do a casino themed party since it's our first year celebrating in Vegas. I got a few slot machines, a card table, all of the decorations were casino related, and there was a photo booth that I'm very excited to use tonight with kate. I make my way back home hoping Kate is home when I get there since it's getting closer to the start of the party. I told everyone to get there at 7 and we would get there at 7:30 to give everyone a chance to get there and mingle a little before Kate arrives. Once I get inside I see she still hasn't arrived so I go and hang up the new outfit I got her in the closet and start getting myself ready before she gets here. It's 5:30 and Kate has just arrived back home and I immediately greet her “Hi babe, how was practice?” I asked, walking up, noticing her looking me up and down. “It was good, you look nice” she says, grabbing my waist. “Well I did promise you that i would take you out for dinner tonight, now hurry go get ready your outfits hanging up in the closet.” I told her. “You got me a new outfit, babe you didn't have to do that, i have plenty of clothes.” she says. “I know but I felt bad about this morning so I decided I was going to go all out tonight to celebrate you, starting with making sure you look good.” I say pushing her towards our bedroom urging her to go get ready. She finished getting ready at the perfect time and we started heading to the party that she thinks is a dinner

We get to the car and she tells me that she’ll drive but I insist on driving for obvious reasons, excited to finally show her that my meeting about a “special client” was actually for her. “Oh shoot, I totally forgot I had to drop off some of the decorations for the party I have tomorrow, would you mind if I stopped at the venue before we went to dinner?” I ask her “Yeah that's fine, as long as I get you all to myself for the rest of the night” she says. I park the car and tell her to come inside with me. As we were walking I text Jada and tell her we just got to the venue so that she can let everyone know to get into position for the surprise. As we walk in I grab Kate's hand before opening the door revealing everyone. “SURPRISE” they all yell with smiles on their faces. “WHAT THE HELL” Kate yells looking over at me with a surprised look on her face. “I told you I promised I'd make it up to you” I said with a light laugh. Her parents approach us giving us hugs, giving us each a hug and telling me how much they love the decorations. 

The night is a huge success. Kate kept on telling me how much she loves me and appreciated the party, but I would do anything for her so this was really nothing to me. We make our way over to the photo booth and talk for a little bit before stepping out to the party. “So when you said you had a meeting about a special client, did you mean me?” she says with a smirk on her face. “Yes, you are the most special person in my life” I say smiling up at her. “Well if I'm so special, why did you lie to me about your plans for today?” she asks sarcastically. “I didn’t lie, I just didn't tell you” I say laughing. “Well nonetheless, I love it, thank you so much babe.” she says, bringing me into a kiss. “Of course, you know I had to go full out for your first Vegas birthday.” I say. “Well if this is what you came up with for my birthday, i can't wait to see our wedding” she replies grabbing my hands. “Yeah this is going to be hard to top” I say before kissing her one more time before making our way back out to the party. 

As the night comes to an end, everyone starts to say their goodbyes and tell me how much fun they had, which warmed my heart. I'm just glad that I was able to give my girlfriend the best day today. I make my way over to Kate who's talking to some of her teammates and join in on the conversation, which wasn't too long since it was getting late and they all were ready to hit the sack. “I had so much fun tonight,” Kate tells me, wrapping her arms around me, rocking side to side. “I'm glad you had fun but i have one more gift for you, but we have to go home for that” I say with a smirk. She looks at me confused before catching on to what I just said. She immediately grabs my hand dragging me out to the car eager to receive that last gift.