#like I’m not even overly invested in larry these days

[dreamings-free]

.

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: A Wish Your Heart Makes (Keanu x Reader) 2/3

Author’s notes: part 2 from Cinderella AU. Catch up on part 1 here!

Wordcount: 2294

Warnings: none that I can think of.

As Keanu headed down for breakfast that morning, he could swear that he still felt the taste of her on his lips.

Rationally, he knew he was being ridiculous, but it just felt like every aspect of his night with her was lingering. Her taste, her smell, the feel of her soft skin under his hands, the sound of her voice and laughter… Keanu couldn’t remember the last time he felt this smitten for someone, but this woman had caught him completely off guard.

Despite what tabloids liked to publish about him, Keanu wasn’t a womanizer, he just went out with friends. Were some of them gorgeous models? Yes. Did that mean he was sleeping with all of them? Of course not.

As a matter of fact, it had been quite a few years since he had an actual relationship. Business kept him busy and he preferred that way really. Business didn’t break his heart.

Though Keanu had to admit it felt really nice to spend time with her. The party had been so boring, and he was considering taking his leave when he crossed paths with her at the catering table and then again by the stage.

She had been honest and sweet. Keanu felt a spark he hadn’t felt in years. And the best thing was that he knew there hadn’t been any ulterior motive behind it, because he saw in her eyes, when his mask fell, that she had no idea who he was until that moment.

However, she ran away before he could say anything and he never asked for her name. Now here he was, watching everyone that crossed his path at the hotel, comparing them with his memory, wondering if she could be in the room with him.

As he surveyed the restaurant for a place to sit, he greeted some of the guests with a smile and a quick nod. Keanu knew several of his guests, most of them had been at the gala, but he didn’t feel in the mood to socialize. So, he picked a table tucked in the corner, occupied by a young woman dressed in the hotel’s uniform.

Keanu was almost sure she was one of the girls from the front desk, but his hotels had hundreds of employees each and even he wasn’t that good with names.

As he approached he noticed she seemed oblivious to the world around her with her headphones one and book in front of her. So, it wasn’t until Keanu stopped right in front of the table that she actually looked up, her eyes widening almost comically as she recognized him.

“Mind if I join you?”

For a moment, she just stared before she seemed to shake herself out of it and nod.

“Thanks,” Keanu replied taking a seat and noticing her book cover. “Emma, huh? Hopeless romantic?”

“I, uh, actually a big fan of how her protagonists defied societal norm and expectation for women at the time,” she said taking a quick glance at her own book and sighing. “Most of them at least.”

“Writer?” Keanu asked with a chuckle and she ducked her head, hiding her smile, which was a shame because from what he could see, it was beautiful.

“If I manage to finish my masters, maybe,” she said, glancing at her watch and letting out a small wince. “I should get going. Have a nice day, Mr. Reeves.”

She was hurrying away before Keanu could manage another word. Nearly running into Lawrence in the process. She apologized quickly and continued on while Lawrence took her seat in front of Keanu.

“Was it something I said?” Keanu asked, glancing at the path the girl had taken. What was it with him scaring all women these days?

“It’s Friday, she’s rushing off to class.”

Lawrence signaled a waiter who seemed to know exactly what he wanted because next thing Keanu knew, there were two cups in front of them, Earl Grey for Lawrence, cappuccino for him. Another moment and a different waiter brought them croissants.

“She’s a great kid. polite, hard worker, but was dealt a terrible hand these last few months.”

“What happened?” Keanu asked with a curious frown.

“Car accident four months ago. Parents died and insurance isn’t being forthcoming with the money, so she’s struggling.”

“Anything we can do?”

“Keanu, you can’t go around paying all of your employee’s bills. You’d go bankrupt,” Lawrence warned, eyebrow arched as he watched Keanu.

“I highly doubt it,” he snorted.

Keanu was quite aware of how much all his hotels earned a year. He was very far away from being bankrupt for helping out every once in a while.

“Just make sure she’s alright?”

After a moment of hesitation, Lawrence relented with a nod, drinking his tea.

“I couldn’t help but notice you were suspiciously scarce at the party last night,” he commented with a small smirk. “Anything you’d like to tell me?”

Keanu just huffed a breath, breaking his croissant in half. Of course, Lawrence noticed it. He noticed everything. So, he quickly told his friend what happened, watching as his smirk turned into a soft, knowing smile.

“That’s quite the tale, my friend. And you didn’t catch her name?”

“She ran off before I could.” Keanu let out a long sigh.

“Would you like me to check the guest list? Find out your mystery woman?”

“Are you trying to play matchmaker, Larry?” Keanu chuckled.

Lawrence had always been a little overly invested in his very inexistent love life.

“Well, you’re obviously not doing all that well by yourself,” He replied with a snort and Keanu gave him a mock glare.

“It wouldn’t do you any good. She was crashing the party.”

“Ah. No wonder you liked her,” Lawrence said in a teasing tone, making Keanu laugh. “What are you gonna do to find her, then?”

“I have no idea,” Keanu said, finishing the rest of his cappuccino before he stood up. “But I’m sure we’ll cross paths again if it meant to be.”

Keanu spent most of his day at the office, going over the hotel’s books and in meetings with his marketing team. Unlike most of his other properties, the New York Continental wasn’t doing as well as expected and they to come up with a solution or risk closing doors.

And even though he was quite aware of the importance of those meetings, Keanu couldn’t help but be distracted, his mind wandering to last night again and his mystery woman. Sure, he told Lawrence he would let fate take care of it, but it didn’t hurt to give fate a hand every once in a while.

So as soon as his last meeting of the day ended, Keanu headed down to the lobby, eyes scanning for the porter he had seen taking care of security for the gala last night, but even though all the faces were familiar, they weren’t the man Keanu was looking for.

He started to head back to the administrative areas to look for Lawrence or Adrianne when he saw a familiar head disappearing inside the staff’s break room and grinned. He would rather not resort to Lawrence just yet and the last thing Keanu wanted was to deal with Adrienne. The woman was very efficient but too nosey for her own good.

“Hey Austen,” he called out as he walked in, making the girl he met this morning look up startled.

“Mr. Reeves?”

“Keanu is just fine,” he asked, taking a seat across from her. “I need your help.”

“Sure,” she replied, a little hesitant, setting her pen on top of her notebook. He couldn’t help but notice the way she made sure her arms were covering whatever she was writing. “What can I do for you?”

“Were you working last night? Do you know the porter who was doing security at the gala?”

“Sam? Yeah,” she nodded, her face drawing into a frown. “It’s his day off. Did something happen?”

“I just need to talk to him about something,” Keanu replied as vaguely as possible.

It was one thing to tell Lawrence about his crush. Another thing to admit it to a complete stranger.

“You’re not gonna fire him, are you?” Panic flashed over her doe eyes. “You can’t! He has three kids and he’s the best porter around here. Ask any of the guests!”

Keanu couldn’t help the grin that appeared on his face at her quick defense of her coworker. He liked this girl already. Anyone willing the talk to her boss like that to defend a colleague was worth having around.

“I’m not gonna fire him, Brontë. I want to talk to him. That’s all.”

“Good,” she said with a tentative smile, her cheeks red almost as if only now realizing the way she talked to her boss. “Also, Brontë?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled awkwardly, gesturing to her and her notebook “Aspiring writer, right?”

“Emphasis on the aspiring.” She sighed, her gaze shifting down. “Not that I’m doing much writing lately.”

Keanu’s smile dropped, reminded of what Lawrence had told him about her. Having lost loved ones himself, he could imagine quite how much she must have been hurting right now.

Without thinking, he reached over, taking her hand. She had such small hands compared to his. Her palm soft and smooth against his calloused fingers as he squeezed lightly. He watched as she took a deep breath before pouring her heart out to him.  

Once upon a time, writing came to her as easily as breathing. There wasn’t a scrap of paper that could escape her assaults. But ever since her parents’ accident, she had been completely blocked.

She knew it was part of her grief. That she was still processing the entire thing and should give herself some time. It didn’t make it any easier though. Or her any less angry with herself. Because writing had always been the way she coped with the world. Not having it now made everything feel even worse. It was yet another thing that damn accident took it from her.

And to make matters worse, since she hadn’t delivered any of her assignments, she was dangerously close to failing her master and then the loan her parents took to pay for tuition would go to waste.

They had been so proud of her for choosing to do it, get a master in fine arts instead of taking the safe route of being a teacher and now they were gone and she was completely ruining it.

Keanu didn’t even know at what point he moved closer, gathering her in his arms, letting her cry against his shoulder. He just realized he had done it after he was already hugging her and rubbing soothing circles on her back.

After a while, she pulled away, sniffling, eyes red-rimmed, cheeks streaked.

“I’m so sorry, sir.” Her voice came out raspy from crying. “I made a mess on your shirt.”

“It’s fine,” Keanu assured with a smile, looking at the mascara stains on his shoulder. “Let me grab you some tissues.”

He moved to the employee restroom, hearing the noise of the breakroom door opening and Adrienne’s grating voice.  

“What do you think you’re doing? Amber is at the front desk all alone! Why aren’t you helping, instead of sitting here on your ass?”

“I’m in the night shift,” the girl replied, still sniffling.

“You’re already here! Might as well start!” Adrienne declared and Keanu rolled his eyes, stepping out of the restroom.

“I was under the impression night shifts started at six, Adrienne.” No matter how efficient the woman was in her job, Keanu wasn’t about to let her get away with being rude with other employees. “And it’s 5:30 right now.”

“Mr. Reeves,” she gasped, eyes going wide. “I didn’t know…”

“That I was here? Clearly,” he said with a dry voice, before turning to look at the younger woman. “Here you go, Shelley.” It dragged a tentative smile from her as she took the tissues.

“I just thought…” Adrianne trailed off when Keanu shifted his gaze back at her. He knew how terrifying he could be whenever he wanted to.

“That you should look for whoever was supposed to take care of the front desk with Amber and talk to them? Yes, I agree.”

“Yes, of course, sir,” Adrianne replied, her face so red Keanu was sure she was gonna pop a vein any minute. “I’ll do that right now.”

He watched as Adrianne took off, heels clicking on the polished floors before his attention shifted to back to the other woman, his serious expression dissolving as Keanu noticed she could barely contain giggles.

“What?”

“It’s just…” she started, her face opening into a smile and he had been right. It was beautiful and he smiled too. “She’s the one supposed to be out there with Amber.”

“Good to know,” Keanu replied. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah, thank you, Mr. Ree… Keanu,” she corrected herself once he gave her a pointed look. “Maria from housekeeping has this really good stain remover. For the shirt.”

“Well, I do like this shirt,” he said with a goofy smile. “Lead the way.”

He followed her down to the basement where the Continental’s laundry room was located. Keanu waited outside, not wanting to startle any of the employees. Administrative people didn’t really come down here all that often.

As Keanu waited, one of the housekeeping staff pushed out a rack of recently laundered clothes. To his surprise, among the clothes was the red dress his mystery woman was wearing at the gala last night.

He moved closer, checking the tag on the plastic wrapper. Now he knew her name and her room number.

Fate must be on his side after all.

tbc

Tag list (give me a shout if you want to be added)

@poisonedjoinery @ringa-starr @curly-minnie @i-cant-remember-my-old-login

@caryled @beyond-antares @kathorax @krazycags01 @meetmeinthematinee

@red-pill-blue-pill @baphometwolf666 @soarocks @imagine-the-fanfics @moonlit-raven-haven @cumberbatchbaps @coolbreezeinkeanureeves

[meggtheegg]

ooh would love to hear you elaborate on autistic!evan please? :))

Okay yes!So. Basically:Throughout the play, Evan shows many symptoms of autism (specifically Asperger’s.) The level of those symptoms varies by actor but there is evidence in just the script that backs my point up.

First, obviously, there’s his social anxiety. Now, of course, social anxiety can be its own thing, but it often goes hand-in-hand with autism, because people on the spectrum have trouble knowing how to behave in a socially acceptable way and often face criticism and backlash for things they didn’t realize were issues.

Then, there’s another big one: his fixation on trees. He brings them up almost constantly, sometimes at points where there’s no obvious reason to bring them up. He writes himself talking about them, unprompted, in Sincerely Me, with the assumption that looking at cool pictures of trees will help someone feel better. And he probably does this a lot in the fake emails we don’t see, considering that Alana becomes convinced that Connor is obsessed with trees. Jared uses it to make a point to Evan about how much he’s pushed Connor out of the narrative. (”If there’s one thing about Connor, the guy loved trees. No, wait. You love trees.”) This is exactly how a lot of autistic people treat their special interests. Wanting to talk about them all the time, changing the subject to turn an unrelated conversation into one about those special interests, becoming an “expert” on them and assuming that other people will get excited about them, too. 

Now, with those two things out of the way, there’s the slightly more subtextual stuff.Evan is very black-and-white in the way he thinks about things. And he takes a lot at face value. When Jared jokes that he broke his arm by jerking off too much, he reacts as if people will believe that he did, even though it’s obviously a joke. He believes Jared and Alana’s very thin facades, and that leads to him falling out with both of them, because he assumes that Jared won’t care if he cuts him out and that Alana isn’t emotionally invested in the Connor Project. He believes Heidi thinks he’s broken because she put him on meds (which, if he’s misdiagnosed and on the spectrum, probably don’t work anyway, but more on that later) and decides that she sees him as a burden. He thinks she won’t mind that he’s at the Murphys’ house instead of at Jared’s because he’s out either way, so why does it matter where he is? He sees all the bad parts of his mom, but all the good parts of the Murphys, not noticing their better-concealed but pretty major problems. He thinks that because they dote on him and don’t push him to get help that they like him more than his mom does. They show more obvious, outward signs of affection, and that is very clear. No interpretation needed. Heidi is trying her best and definitely loves him, but to an autistic kid, that’s a lot harder to see. 

He misunderstands people’s intentions all the time, like with Alana and Jared, with his assumption that Connor took the note in order to bully him with it, thinking that Zoe was breaking up with him when she came over, etc.

He doesn’t connect the dots with social expectations. He’s taken aback at the idea that he’d be expected to give a speech at the kickoff event for the Connor Project, even though it should be obvious. He doesn’t initially realize that the Murphys are going to want to see him again after that first dinner, and that they’ll want to see the supposed “emails.” (And he fails to notice the pretty gay implications of his story until Jared points it out, after which he goes noticeably far to try to shake that idea off.) And that lack of social awareness leads to him doing things he shouldn’t. He gets pulled into the lie and lets it spiral out of control, unaware of how wrong it is and how he’s making it worse. He brushes Jared and Heidi off and replaces them, then is taken aback when they’re upset about it. He kisses Zoe without realizing how wildly inappropriate it is. 

He tends to talk too much, going off on tangents to try to clarify what he’s saying even if clarification isn’t needed. (”I love jazz. Well, not all jazz, but definitely like, jazz-band-jazz, that’s so weird, I’m sorry.” “Well, sometimes. If he brought it up. I never brought it up. Obviously. Why would I have brought it up?”)

He seems to have sensory issues, too. A lot of his worst decisions are made in a desperate attempt to make the people around him stop yelling. That was what caused him to not tell the truth about the note in the first place. He’s also always very aware of how sweaty his hands are, and he often stops to just touch and feel things to ground himself. A lot of actors have him often messing with his clothes, especially his collar, as if he’s bothered by how it’s brushing against his skin.

He has trouble in social situations where he doesn’t have a general planned idea of what to say. He always starts his description of breaking his arm with “I fell out of a tree, actually…” and clearly has the way he’ll tell the story clearly planned out in his head. His interactions with his mom generally seem kind of wooden and practiced. When forced into situations with the Murphys that he doesn’t have a script for, he gets panicked and escalates things. He has a panic attack when he drops his notecards. He’s also very repetitive and clings onto things he’s used to and comfortable with. He repeats the lie in the same way so many times that Alana gets annoyed with him, saying something like “Yes, I know the story, Evan. We’ve all heard the story. You’re like a broken freaking record about it.” Zoe has to ask him to stop talking about the Connor Project. Also, based on the book, he sticks very closely to a routine. He has the same lunch every single day (and sits in the same spot, I believe.) He describes his letter-writing process in a very step-by-step, planned out, repetitive way. There are probably more examples but I haven’t read the book in a while and I think I’ve made my point.

Also, a lot of this is down to acting choices, but most actors I’ve seen play Evan with a lot of “tics” and fidgeting, ie. stimming, and a tendency to avoid eye contact. Some of them give him issues with volume control. At one point my brother noticed that Michael Lee Brown even went for some subtle echolalia. He also sometimes squeaks a lot or makes other noises and gestures that seem to have no clear purpose.

What really seals the deal for me is the whole medication/feeling broken thing. It was almost definitely not Steven Levenson’s intent but hey, death of the author. I interpret the text, not the intention. A major criticism of the show is that Evan goes off his meds and is totally fine afterwards. That is not a good message to send and seems poorly thought out for a show that seems to have thought of a lot. But, if he was misdiagnosed with an anxiety disorder, depression, etc, medication wouldn’t do what it was supposed to. It obviously wouldn’t make him less autistic, and could actually make him feel worse because they’re supposed to “fix” him and aren’t doing that. Autism isn’t a treatable thing, especially not with pills. Maybe the meds alleviated the anxiety, but his social struggles didn’t go away. And that convinces him that there is something inherently wrong, or broken about him. (”I’d rather pretend I’m something better than these broken parts / Pretend I’m something other than this mess that I am.”) He’s being treated for the wrong disorder, so of course it’s not working. Of course stopping them doesn’t really make a difference. If the causes of his anxiety were lessened, it could be possible that by the time he stopped, they were doing nothing at all for him, anyway.

Writing affirmation letters and taking anxiety medication doesn’t take away sensory issues or difficulty with social cues. It doesn’t stop special interests from being the only thing you want to talk about. It doesn’t stop the desperate desire to fit in and no idea how to. And in Evan’s specific case, it didn’t stop him from being constantly berated by his overly honest only friend over things he didn’t realize were socially unacceptable. It didn’t stop his mom from acting like he wasn’t trying. It didn’t stop the rest of the school from ostracizing him. 

That’s what made him cling onto the Murphys. They made him feel like he wasn’t broken. Zoe treated his struggles and quirks like they were endearing instead of annoying. Larry and Cynthia never acted like he was different and encouraged him to go out of his comfort zone, but not to the point that it felt like they were pushing. They treated him the way they treated anyone else. And that was all he wanted. 

[delightfullygrace]

Connor Murphy

Dear Evan Hansen • ESFP • In the Grip

"An ESFP in a rut will revert to their introverted intuition. This normally happy-go-lucky type will turn their vision to the future and may get lost imagining negative courses of action that could develop. They may become crippled by self-doubt and adopt a cynical viewpoint toward others. This normally warm and enthusiastic type is apt to developing a ‘short fuse’ while operating from their inferior function and may lash out at others – imagining a sinister ‘hidden meaning’ behind everything others say and do."

- Heidi Priebe

Symptoms of the Grip in an ESFP:

• Jumping to conclusions

• Believing the worst in people's intentions

• Emotional outbursts

• Feeling lost within themselves; hopeless; alone

• Sensitive to what others say/do to them

I.E.

Jared: "Hey, Connor. I’m loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic."

Connor turns and glares at Jared, who is unphased by this. Evan is clearly uncomfortable.

Jared: "Calm down, bud. It was a joke."

Connor: (deadpan) "Yeah no, it was funny. I’m laughing. Can’t you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you?"

Jared: (walking away, shaking his head) "God, you’re such a freak."

Connor now turns his attention to Evan who is forced into eye-contact. There is no one else in the hall (that we can see). Evan doesn’t know what to do, so he laughs.

Connor: "What are you laughing at?"

Evan: (freezing up) "What?"

Connor: "Stop f***ing laughing at me!"

Evan: (his palms becoming sweaty) "I’m not."

Connor: "You think I’m a freak?"

Connor steps towards Evan.

Evan: "No, I don’t-"

Connor: "I’m not the freak!"

Connor is in Evan’s face.

Evan: "But I wasn’t-"

Connor: "You’re the f***ing freak!"

Connor shoves Evan into the lockers and storms off.

- Script

Connor: "Is this yours? I found it at the printer. 'Dear Evan Hansen?' That’s your name, right?"

Evan: "Oh, that’s just a stupid, it’s a paper I had to write for an, um...assignment."

Connor: “'Because there’s Zoe.' ...This is about my sister."

Evan: "No, no, no..."

Connor: "You knew I would find this."

Evan: "What?"

Connor: "You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this, and you printed it out, so that I would find it."

Evan: "Why/ would I do that?"

Connor: "/So I would read some creepy **** that you wrote about my sister and freak out, right? And then you can tell everyone that I’m crazy, right?"

Evan: "No, wait. I don’t even...what?"

Connor: (furious) "F*** you!"

Connor charges past Evan, leaving him calling after him

- Script

Trying to Escape the Grip:

"To break out of a rut, the ESFP needs to engage their extroverted sensing. They will need a new situation, adventure or group of people to help them remember that they think best on their feet, when directly engaged with the world around them. This type requires a great deal of external stimulation to feel healthy and happy – they are the most themselves when they are constantly engaged with new people and projects."

- Heidi Priebe

I.E.

Connor realizes he has an opportunity to talk to someone and walks over to the printers

Connor: "So, uh, what happened to your arm?"

Evan: "Oh, I um. I fell out of a tree."

Connor: (laughing) "You fell out of a tree?"

Evan nods and Connor sits down next to him. He is holding a paper in his hand.

Connor: (still laughing) "Well, if that isn’t the saddest f***ing thing I’ve ever heard."

Evan: (faking a laugh) "I know."

Connor: (pointing to Evan’s cast) "No one’s signed your cast?"

Evan: "Nope."

Connor: "I will."

Evan: "Oh, you don’t have to…"

Connor: "Ya got a Sharpie?"

Evan reluctantly hands over his sharpie. Connor grabs Evan’s arm roughly, Evan winces. Close-up on Evan’s cast as Connor writes his name in massive letters across it. Evan isn’t too happy about this. He stands up.

Evan: "Oh. Great. Thanks."

Connor: "Now we can both pretend that we have friends."

Evan: "Heh, sure."

- Script

Se-Te Loop:

"An ESFP in an Se-Te loop becomes overly concerned with 'doing' all of the time, unable to let themselves stop to take a break. They become forceful, aggressive, insistent upon taking action whether or not it hurts those around them or fulfills their inner sense of duty. They dismiss their necessary stage of stopping to reflect on whether their choices are in line with their values, instead shutting off this voice and focusing on outward manifestations of logic and planning."

- @infj-mbti

Symptoms of a Loop:

• Aggressive Behavior

• Giving In to Impulses

• Disregarding Others

• Ignoring their Moral-Compass (Fi)

I.E.

"Just because Connor isn’t here, trying to punch through my door, screaming at the top of his lungs that he’s going to kill me for no reason—that doesn’t mean that, all of a sudden, we’re the f***ing Brady Bunch."

-Zoe Murphy

Personal Thoughts:

I think Connor is an ESFP who tried to reach out to others, but when no one reached back, just sunk deeper into the grip. I think for awhile growing up (prior to the events in the play), he might've been in a loop.

From Cynthia, we learn that he got clothes to go Bar Mitzvahs (but was never invited to any). I'm sure that the idea of going was exciting to him and he enjoyed looking for an outfit, even if he played it off. From his mom's positive testimony of him in Requiem and throughout the rest of the play, I feel like he did have a connection with her. I don't think that her view of him is only there because she's his mom - I think they genuinely had an understanding, even if they got frustrated with each other sometimes. He probably just put up walls with her - walls that she patiently waited for him to take down, but never did.

Larry "gave him the world," but he gave his own world, not a world that Connor wanted. He didn't meet his son where he was. I'm sure he wanted to hang out with his dad and connect with him, but maybe he wasn't into baseball (or skiing or whatever else his dad pushed him to do). Larry decided, even when Connor was still there, that he wasn't worth investing in because he wouldn't listen anyways. The connection was dead because his dad didn't seek to break down his walls. He saw them and assumed that's all there was.

Zoe saw him as a villain, and for good reason. From what we learn of his time with her, he treated her terribly. He pushed her away. He threatened her. He scared her. Of course she didn't seek him out, why would she? She was forced to protect herself from the monster beating on her door every night. How could she break down his walls when she was building up her own?

Jared joked about him looking like a school shooter and called him a freak, and probably never considered actually trying to befriend him.

Evan was terrified of him. *Though, I would like to point out that Connor probably never got to sign someone's cast before - Evan was probably the first. They could've had a genuine connection after that had Connor listened to Evan explain the letter rather than jumping to conclusions and storming off.

The script says, "Some people [in the school halllway] point at him and snicker. Unlike Evan, Connor makes deliberate eye-contact with these students, making them uncomfortable."

He was hurt. He was alone. He could seek out new experiences and new people all he wanted, but if no one else was receptive, then he would never be satisfied. He wanted a connection with someone, anyone, to pull him out of the grip, but at the end of the day, he felt completely isolated.

But he wasn't, and you're not. If you're feeling stuck or isolated, anxious or depressed, please let a friend/family member know or check out this link and call one of the numbers. Seriously. You were created for a purpose. Your existence matters. You matter, just as you are. Please don't forget that, and get yourself the help that you need!!

Also, even if you don't have clinical depression, you should still reach out to those around you. Sometimes, we all need someone. Don't justify not getting yourself the help you need just because others have it worse. My brother does that all the time. It's not selfish to need support. Reach out. It's okay.

Additionally:

By the time we come to meet Connor, he is so deep in this rut that in order to have a relationship with anyone, he would need someone to seek him out fiercely and intentionally - to toss a rope into the hole Connor was in and pull him out. He needed a friend who would call him out and tell him he needed to calm down, but also someone who would support and encourage him. More than anything, he just needed someone who was willing to try and wasn't going to give up on him.

If you see someone who needs that too, please, be that person for them. Even if you have problems of your own - it doesn't matter. Two horses can pull 3 times the amount than one can alone. You can bear each others' burdens and walk together. It makes it a lot easier. It'll be difficult to step out of your comfort zone and reach out to someone else, but I promise you, it's the most worthwhile experience in the world.

[digital-dragoon]

also how about a daemon au for any potentials youve been thinkin about?

ooh gosh well, i’ve been considering possible characters that have sneks tbh…. either non-venomous or venomous bc i love them all and definitely want to see snakes being shown more in stuff tbh…. especially as daemons because? they all seemed to get a bad wrap as being treated as Sly and stuff when they’re not? and are mostly shy and just defensive? help them tbh

anywaY

i’m not entirely sure about whether or not i want to go with apollo or phoenix right now so…. i’ll write something for phoenix here first, as i need to progress more in the games to get a good feel of what apollo’s daemon’ll be

now, first of all, i had been contemplating forms of more close-knit community birds, ones like geese and jays, but none of them seemed to really properly fit phoenix. it was only when the thought: otters! sprung to mind that i began to look more into them and…. gosh do they fit. nick is the type to put others before himself, to risk everything to save those he cares for during severe situations, even if it means putting his life on the line in the process. otters have that close a community that they will do just that to deter predators, rushing in to fend off any enemies that dare to harm a member of their group - this is especially true of asian small-clawed otters

… there’s a lot more that i’d love to speak about but uH i think i’ll get a little carried away if i continue so! in a daemon au….

phoenix’s daemon, cendrillion, tended to play a lot with the idea of mythological creatures forms when they were younger - a joke shared between him and larry, mainly at school. she would imitate dragons, small griffins or quite regularly different coloured phoenixes, and larry’s daemon in turn would copy her. this would sometimes continue on from the playground and into class, sometimes prompting miles own daemon to join in, just a little, by taking shapes of gargoyles or chimeras as discreetly as he could. phoenix and larry would often get in trouble for it (mile’s daemon never usually got caught out)

as they grew older, however, she began to shift into more earthly forms: birds and reptiles or monkeys, in an aid to help phoenix with the current tasks at hand. the day she settled, was on the day that he decided to become an attorney. contrasting the ‘happy’ nature of the asian small-clawed otter she had become, on that day, cendrillion had looked up at him in fierce determination, their plan set in motion for what they truly wished to do

cendrillion has two personas to her: the one she reserves for work in the middle of the court room and the other for outside of it. unlike wright, however, she remains a serious and resolved source of energy on the job, curled up about his shoulders, glaring out at her opposition or looking off to the side in thought, or sometimes slithering down to leap onto the table’s surface to hiss alongside phoenix’s raised objections

when not on the job however, she’s much more relaxed and carefree, an easygoing soul, if openly wry in her sense of humour, contrasting phoenix’s typically own hidden sarcastic side. she can get quite overly nosy about things and has a tendency to be much more bold than phoenix is himself. she will not hesitate to speak her point, if she needs to make one, and can be pretty blunt, almost considered rude, depending on those that she’s spending time around 

sometimes she and wright have ended up in stubborn arguments, especially if it is tied to a situation that they’re currently in (or about to get into) or the specifics of their current client, from their trustworthiness to their honesty. cendrillion does tend to get rather defensive and irritable around those that are obviously hiding something, snapping or getting more obviously impatient in getting behind the truth and secrets of the matter

they’re a rough pair, but make things work. and cendrillion, once phoenix has put his trust in someone, will do just about anything she can to make others relax and, if necessary, laugh, happy to share jokes (even if they fall flat) or prompt others to partake in games, from chasing and gently nipping to tossing things at others in an attempt for them to toss them back at her. she enjoys the company of other daemons and doesn’t tend to do well alone, getting more huffy and restless and tending to rely on nick more for attention, either by getting him invested in playing with her or curling up on his lap or shoulders

[vincentbuckles]

Weekend reading: New year, old habits

What caught my eye this week.

The New Year is the day we all start behaving better – whether it be quitting smoking, eating more vegetables, jogging, or simply resolving to stop putting your dog’s waste in a plastic bag and then flinging it up into a nearby tree to hang like a toxic fruit bat. (Okay, perhaps nobody resolves to stop doing that. They should!)

Do we keep behaving better? Rarely.

I sometimes make New Year’s Resolutions and they seldom work. I’ve been resolving to read more books for as long as I remember. But whatever method I try, the instant delights of the Internet have soon sucked me back under and I’m lucky if I’ve finished a novel by February.

I read a book a day in university!

In another universe, I’m incredibly well-read now. In this one, well, at least you guys benefit via this weekly link list.

Ready, steady, gain

Perhaps one reason I do badly with New Year’s Resolutions is because I invariably start the year off on a naughty foot.

No, I don’t smoke cigars whilst quaffing champagne from the bottle. That’s all out my system by Boxing Day.

However I do lovingly re-set various aspects of my active portfolio tracking spreadsheet back to zero. By doing this, I start the year with a clean slate and a fresh chance to beat the market by December 31st.

This is only half bad. As part of my ongoing active investing experiments, I track my returns precisely. My portfolio is unitized – there’s none of this “I assume dividends cover expenses, and I guess I should count that bonus money I put into an ISA in April but it’s a faff” that you see in some online portfolio reviews.

No, I count every penny in and out like some miserly Noah. I track all my gains, losses, and costs, and I compare myself to four real-world benchmarks, over the short and long-term.

So far so reasonable.

Precisely tracking your returns can be a bad idea if you’re a passive investor. In fact I think most investors would be better off following a sensible passive strategy and not tracking their returns at all if the alternative is getting too obsessed and fiddling with their portfolios. It’ll probably only harm their results.

However if you’re an active investor, tracking is vital. Many private investors delude themselves about their performance, because they don’t know it. They see some winning shares in their broker accounts and think they’re not half-bad at picking stocks. They never work out where they’d be if they had just lobbed the lot into a global tracker fund.

Even if you’re actively investing for fun as much as profit, you need to know your returns. A dartboard without any numbers to score by is just a wall you throw darts at.

With that said, there’s very little to justify overly-focusing on returns over any particular single year. And there’s even less reason to do so from January to December. (At least for American investors that matches their tax year! April to April would make a little more sense in Britain.)

Of course you do need to know annual returns if you want to compare yourself to active funds; something that was very important to me for a while.

But even then it would be better to calculate the appropriate figures once a year, rather than watching as I do my performance versus my benchmarks with every passing day. Now a little ahead, now a little behind, now back in the lead again – it’s like one of those plastic horse racing games you used to find at seaside arcades.

Nevertheless I’ve resigned myself to this procedure for as long as I’m active investing. It’s part of my process now, however irrational. It may even be marginally beneficial that I reset the annual return column on each of my holdings (obviously I track the long-term loss/gain on purchase in another column) as a way to avoid any anchoring biases.

Human error

I know I shouldn’t watching things too closely; the knowledge is strong, but the flesh is weak.

As a result I’ve tried a lot of different ways to obfuscate my portfolio performance in the short-term, or on a quick view. I’ve experimented with everything from hiding the real pound values of holdings in my master spreadsheet to hiding the gains and losses, to creating ‘layers’ that blend the moving parts of the portfolio to try to stop me focusing on short-term winners or losers.

I’d write about all this, but I don’t want to encourage anyone. Perhaps when my passively pure co-blogger The Accumulator is back full-time I can indulge this side of things again.

For now: It’s a new year, and the game is afoot! Exciting. Yes I should change my habits… but then again I should probably read more books, too.

Happy new year and good luck with all your resolutions – except for that silly one to read fewer investing blog posts.

Pfft! A little of what you fancy does you good.

From Monevator

Nine underrated tools to help you achieve Financial Independence – Monevator

From the archive-ator: Estimating expected returns in your financial plan – Monevator

News

Note: Some links are Google search results – in PC/desktop view you can click to read the piece without being a paid subscriber. Try privacy/incognito mode to avoid cookies. Consider subscribing if you read them a lot!1

UK CEOs make more in first three days of 2019 than average worker’s salary – Guardian

House price growth weakest in six years due to Brexit fears… – ThisIsMoney

…though sales of £10m+ homes tripled after Referendum, on weak pound – Guardian

London divorce judges are curbing ‘meal ticket for life’ rulings [Search result] – FT

Bereaved partners are unnecessarily paying tax on inherited ISA savings – ThisIsMoney

Hedge funds’ hopes for 2018 dashed amid closures – Financial News

Reckless caution: 56% of savers say their risk appetite is low or zero – Money Marketing

UK trains packed to near double capacity, disruption hits 17-year high – Guardian

Long-term US bonds beat the US stock market over past 20 years – Financial Samurai

Products and services

Millennials queue for hours for the new 26-30 Millennial Railcard – BBC

Why overpaying your mortgage is a better bet than saving in 2019 – ThisIsMoney

Ratesetter will pay you £100 [and me a cash bonus] if you invest £1,000 for a year – Ratesetter

Annual household bills rise on average £150 after a year of hikes – ThisIsMoney

The cost of childcare across the UK – ThisIsMoney

Homes for New Year’s renovation projections: In pictures – Guardian

Comment and opinion

Larry Swedroe: There are no safety flags in investing – ETF.com

Forgotten bear markets – A Wealth of Common Sense

10 valuable personal finance lessons learned in 2018 – The Simple Dollar

Sequence of returns revisited, and other uncertainties – The Retirement Cafe

Merryn S-W: The best financial advice hasn’t changed in 300 years [Search result] – FT

Wunderwaffen: Part II – Demonetized (via Abnormal Returns)

Rich People’s Problems: How to fly first class for free [Sort of. Search result] – FT

A reminder that equities are risky [US markets but relevant] – Musings on Markets

Dividend income portfolio reviews – Fire V London & Retirement Investing Today

For stock pickers: There’s still a case for owning quality tech shares – GMO

Brexit

Prices rising at fastest rate in six years; BRC warns of worse if no-deal Brexit – Reuters

Kindle book bargains

Creativity, Inc. [Must read!] by Ed Catmull – £1.99 on Kindle

Barbarians at the Gate by Brian Burrough and John Helyar – £1.99 on Kindle

Start Now, Get Perfect Later by Rob Moore – £0.99 on Kindle

Turning the Tide on Plastic by Lucy Siegle – £0.99 on Kindle

Off our beat

How not to be stupid – Farnham Street

Chinese censors are first taught the truth so they know what to ban – New York Times

“I met my boyfriend 12 years after giving birth to his child” – BBC

How to develop better habits in 2019 – Ryan Holiday

Five books that explain why it seems the world is so fucked – Mark Manson

And finally…

“He gave a talk in which he argued that the way they measured risk was completely idiotic. They measured risk by volatility: how much a stock or bond happened to have jumped around in the past few years. Real risk was not volatility; real risk was stupid investment decisions.” – Michael Lewis, The Big Short

Like these links? Subscribe to get them every Friday!

Note some articles can only be accessed through the search results if you’re using PC/desktop view (from mobile/tablet view they bring up the firewall/subscription page). To circumvent, switch your mobile browser to use the desktop view. On Chrome for Android: press the menu button followed by “Request Desktop Site”.

Weekend reading: New year, old habits published first on https://justinbetreviews.weebly.com/

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #113 - Groundhog Day

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) This film is a holiday classic associated with one of the less popular American holidays out there. Hell, this film probably made Feb. 2nd an even bigger deal than it was before.

2) The first thing we experience as an audience member of George Fenton’s quirky score over the opening credits. Fenton’s music I think is one of the more underrated aspects of the film as there is a lot of range to this particular score. There is the quirky comedy music, the kinda faster actiony stuff, but my favorite part is the romantic score featured in this film. You should give the soundtrack a listen if you have the opportunity, it’s pretty damn good.

3) Bill Murray as Phil Connors.

Director Harold Ramis, who frequently collaborated with Murray (mostly notably in the two Ghostbusters films) originally wanted Tom Hanks to play Phil but thought he was, “too nice,” and hired Murray instead. That’s great for us as the audience, because the role is one of Murray’s best. He is able to believably take us through this journey of character, playing the lovable but jerky Phil in the beginning with just as much believability as the guy who’s actually trying to do some good at the end. Murray’s improv is on full display with the film and that helps with the reality of his character.

Unfortunately, this would be the last film Murray and Ramis would collaborate on. An ongoing debate between whether the film should be more dramatic (Murray’s stance) or comedic (Ramis’ stance) was a contributing factor. As well as this, according to IMDb:

Bill Murray was undergoing a divorce at the time of filming and was obsessing about the film. He would ring Harold Ramis constantly, often in the early hours of the morning. Ramis eventually sent writer Danny Rubin to sit with Murray and iron out all his anxieties, one of the reasons why Murray stopped speaking to Ramis for several years.

I don’t know if they ironed out their issues before Ramis’ untimely death in 2014, but I hope so.

4) Chris Elliott as Larry.

This is probably Elliott’s most famous role, which is saying something considering he’s mostly the comedic camera man who’s tired of Phil’s bull. But Elliott’s performance makes it funny and memorable, delivering some of the best lines in the films (more on that later).

5) Andie Macdowell as Rita.

Rita is actually a character who is surprisingly well developed but in a lot of little ways, and I’ll elaborate more on that as I go. MacDowell is wonderful in the part, making Rita a positive upbeat person but believably so instead of just a “life force” character. She plays Rita (and it is written) with some flaws too which helps make her interesting, but again more on that later. Her biggest asset is probably that she can hold her own with Bill Murray in a scene. You can tell (or at least I can guess) in certain scenes that Murray is improvising and that MacDowell is sharp on her toes with a comeback. It makes their relationship a believable one. Especially considering there is a line later how Phil fell for Rita as soon as he saw her. You can sort of see that when you look for it. It’s small, but it’s there. A testament to both actors.

6) Although this film takes place in Punxsutawney, PA it was actually filmed in Woodstock, IL. I was there back in fall of 2015 and the town square where they filmed most of it is pretty much still the same. They even have a black on the corner where Bill Murray stepped into the really bad puddle. It was pretty cool. (Only this time however did I realize one of the signs style reads “Woodstock Jewelers”.)

7) Remember how I said Larry has some great lines/observations?

Phil [after Rita says she booked him a nice hotel]: “You know I think this is one of the traits of a really good producer: keep the talent happy.”

...

Larry [to Rita, after Phil has left]: “Did he just call himself the talent?”

8) “I Got You Babe”, the Sonny & Cher song that plays every morning when Phil wakes up, was the song that was in the very first draft of the script and carried through until the end. The song probably became more popular (or at least, popular for a longer time) BECAUSE of its use in this film.

9) Ned! Ryerson!

Like a lot of characters in this film, Ned Ryerson could have just been a throw away and forgettable little gag. This guy who supposedly knows Phil from high school and is an insurance agent now. But actor Stephen Tobolowsky totally MAKES this role. There’s nothing insincere about Ned. He doesn’t feel like a leech, he feels like an overly enthusiastic and genuine guy who’s absolutely hysterical. Tobolowsky plays Ned over the top in the tradition of Abbott & Costello and it works wonderfully!

Also Ned has the best lines.

Ned: “Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right? Right right right right!”

Ned: “Watch out for that first step there, it’s a DOOZEY!”

These lines on there own are not necessarily interesting but Tobolowsky just gives them such life it is a treat to watch.

10) This film has so many great lines.

Police Officer [when Phil is out in the street in a blizzard, trying to get to Pittsburg]: “Now you can go back to Punxsutawney, or you can freeze to death.”

[Phil takes a minute to stand in the snow. He looks back at Punxsutawney and then at the road ahead.]

Phil: “I’m thinking.”

11) There is never an explanation given as to why Phil is relieving Groundhog Day over and over again. I think in one draft of the script it was a spell cast by a jilted lover, but in the final film and for most drafts there’s no explanation. I think that’s the reason the film works so well. It’s not some Harry Potter fantasy. It’s just a comedy/drama with one fantasy element.

12) It’s fun rewatching this film again because you get to realize that characters who just have a throw away line earlier in the film end up being like Phil’s piano teacher or the drunks he meets a few Groundhog Days later.

13) I love that when Phil asks Rita for a good hard slap across the face she doesn’t hesitate and he’s not pissed about it. They’ve got each other. ;)

14) This line.

15) I like that Phil always goes to Rita for help with his Groundhog Day problem. She has no experience with this! There’s no reason for him to go to her with his problems other than he trusts her and respects her.

16) Hey look, it’s director Harold Ramis!

17)

Phil [to two drunks]: “What would you do if you were stuck in one place and nothing you did mattered?”

Drunk: “That about sums it up for me.”

18)

Phil [after one of the drunks decides not to drive and stumbles]: “You wanna throw up here or you wanna throw up in the car?”

Drunk: “I think...both.”

19)

Phil [while driving towards a train on train tracks]: “I’m betting he’s gonna swerve first.”

20) When Phil realizes his actions don’t have consequences the film gets fun real fast.

21) I find it a little pretentious that Rita’s reaction to this:

Is to quote a Sir Walter Scott poem at him which says he’s egotistical. Like, really? You’ve got this whole poem memorized JUST to call people egotistical? I mean I like it from a writing standpoint, it makes her kind of flawed, but also she comes off as pretentious. Not that she’s wrong, it’s just she’s very in your face with it.

22) The original plan for this film is that we as the audience would not see the start of the loop, instead just picking up on an “average” day and wondering how Phil knew the things he did. Harold Ramis promised he wouldn’t change this to the screenwriter but ended up changing it anyway (I think with the screenwriter’s blessing, but maybe not). I think this works better. It allows us to invest in Phil as a character more.

23) Phil’s attempts to seduce Rita - I think - start out with him trying to genuinely get to know her. He asks her about her life and only then goes down the route of, “Who’s your perfect guy?” I think he does have real feelings for her he just doesn’t know how to handle them in a healthy way so he uses this time loop to his advantage.

24) It’s interesting to see the repeated attempts of Phil trying to win over Rita, with each mistake done over until it’s not a mistake. You can tell that each time is a little less sincere, and the times when they connect the most are typically when he’s being honest with her and just letting things happen.

25) Another flaw of Rita’s:

Rita: “What should we drink to?”

Phil: “To the groundhog!”

Rita: “I always drink to world peace.”

THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK HIM WHAT YOU SHOULD DRINK TO!?!? I like it, it fleshes out her character, but it’s an annoying thing to find in a real person (and I know men and women who act like this).

26) I have so many questions.

Rita [on her ???? date with Phil]: “Do you ever have deja vu?”

Phil: “Did you just ask me that?”

This is the only time we EVER have another character show a hint of someone being aware of something is going on. WHY RITA!?!? WHY NOW!?!? WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?!?

27) The best example of what I was talking about in note 24 is the snowball fight Phil & Rita have with the kids. Phil didn’t know that was going to happen, he didn’t know what Rita was going to say, that’s the first time he ever got that far. And he’s being honest with her! It’s such a nice scene between the two of them. And then when he tries to recreate it the next Groundhog Day it feels super awkward, incredibly forced, and wildly uncomfortable.

28) I think this is such an incredibly important concept.

Phil [after Rita says he’ll never love anything because he only loves himself]: “That’s not true! I don’t even LIKE myself!”

Keeping this in mind as Phil begins his downward spiral tells you A LOT about his character. And it’s that downward spiral that pushes this film from fun comedy to great movie.

29) And you thought this would be a light hearted comedy!

Phil: “I’ll give you a winter prediction. It’s gonna be cold. It’s gonna be gray. And it’s gonna last you the rest of your life.”

30) At one point Phil throws his radio on the ground and the speaker/song is still going.

According to IMDb: 

The scene where Phil picks up the alarm clock and slams it onto the floor didn't go as planned. Bill Murray slammed down the clock but it barely broke, so the crew bashed it with a hammer to give it the really smashed look. The clock actually continued playing the song like in the movie.

31) The entire scene with the car chase and the quarry, where Phil kidnaps the groundhog and attempts suicide (which is a more entertaining scene than it sounds), is very well done. It shows just how desperate Phil is to end this nightmare. And it also gave us some pretty great lines.

Larry [after Phil drives into the quarry and the car crashes]: “He might be okay. (Car explodes) Well no, probably not now.”

32) The montage of Phil’s attempts at suicide is good for two reason: it gets across where he is at this point in the film, and it’s short. If it were too long this scene would get too depressing too fast.

33) I love this fucking scene.

Phil has relieved the same day over and over again for what has probably been years and he’s so damn tired he just wants to talk to someone about it. So what does he do? He goes to Rita. He tries to convince Rita and succeeds wonderfully. This scene is a prime example of this film’s beating heart, of why it’s a great feel good movie. Phil knows everybody! He knows all their stories, their names, everything about them, because he’s been living the same day over and over again. It’s wonderful. Even without trying it all just sinks in. And guess what? He knows Rita the best.

Phil: “You like boats but not the ocean. You go to a lake in the summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.”

THIS is why I love this film! This emotion! This heart! And there is a beautiful piece of score on the soundtrack called, “You Like Boats But Not The Ocean,” which sums those feelings up perfectly in music and I love that too! Everything about this just makes me feel good! Also how strange and insightful a little detail about Rita like, “you like boats but not the ocean,” is! 

34) And so begins the good Phil tour. The amazing final act of the film where Rita has convinced Phil that he can maybe do some good with this “curse” of his and which carries the same wonderful emotion that was present in the diner scene where Phil convinces Rita he’s serious.

35) Bill Murray improvised this:

Phil [after Ned comes up to meet him and he hugs Ned]: “I don’t know where you’re going but can you call in sick?”

36) But even as Phil works to helps people’s life, he can’t save everyone.

This old homeless man is someone who Phil passes everyday and, when he starts acting kind, gives a ton of money to everyday. Towards the end of the film Phil meets the man and takes him to the hospital where he dies. So the next day Phil tries to save him. He takes him to a restaurant, gives him a big meal, and the man still dies. The man dies everyday. And that scene is heartbreaking and adds such weight to the film and I love how sad it makes me every single time.

I wish I were this kind, but honestly I’m scared to be. I’m scared to be taken advantage of but there are people out there who need help and hopefully I’ll be better about giving it in the future.

37) If you pay attention to the people in the background at the hospital you’ll see this kid:

Remember that kid. You only notice him when you’ve watched the film ten times (that’s not a hyperbole either), but remember him.

38) The final Groundhog Day is a wonderful thing to behold. It starts with us hearing the end of Phil’s report on the groundhog.

Phil: “When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. Put standing here amongst the people of Punxsutawney, and basking in the warmth of their hearts and hearths, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter. From Punxsutawney, it’s Phil Connors. So long.”

And EVERYONE is paying attention to it, hell rival news networks are recording it! It’s THAT moving!

39) Do you remember the kid?

Continuity! (Boom)

40) The final party is a great scene too. It’s the culmination of probably Phil’s best Groundhog Day yet. He helped as many people as he could and even plays for their pleasure at the party. It is his least selfish and the only time in the film we ever see the party, even though it was happening every single night. And also Rita spends $300+ to win Phil in a bachelor auction when the highest bid before that was $60.

41) Kneel before Zod!

42) I love this.

Phil [after ice sculpting Rita]: “I know your face so well I could’ve done it with my eyes closed.”

43) And then tomorrow finally happens.

A great end to a great film.

Groundhog Day is just amazing. It has a heartwarming story, a feel good vibe, an intriguing concept, and a wonderful cast. It is just so good for so many different reasons and if you haven’t seen it yet you should. Right now.

[allenmendezsr]

Underestimated.com By Kelly Felix

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/underestimated-com-by-kelly-felix/

Underestimated.com By Kelly Felix

 Buy Now    

The 7 Step Formula I Used to Quickly Build a $50 Million Dollar Online Business While Quarantined in My Home Office, Starting with a “Dumb” Idea & a Notepad

Plus the 2 Additional Steps I Missed That Would’ve Put Us Over $100 Million

Warning: these closely-guarded secrets have only been shared once at a mastermind that cost people $35,000 to attend…

My name is Kelly Felix…

And I must admit something embarrassing…

Not long ago I overheard some top marketers discussing me in private…

And what I heard was soul-crushing…

They said I was:

​A Has-Been

​Overrated

​A One-Hit Wonder

And although the words pierced through me like a knife…

They were kinda right.

I had once been talked about in some circles as a “top marketer”…

But that was well over a decade ago.

My peers were now on stage with Tony Robbins or Richard Branson…

Changing the world.

Meanwhile I was sitting at home twiddling my thumbs…

Thinking about “the good ole days”.

I hadn’t created a massively profitable website in ages.

I wasn’t even sure if I knew how anymore.

Maybe there was just too much competition these days…

Or maybe I just wasn’t as smart as I thought I was.

Or maybe…

I had gotten lucky in the past, and my luck simply ran out.

In 2005 I created a product that 500,000 people purchased.

It was an ebook called “The Rich Jerk”.

I sold that company for a few million dollars…

And I thought I was a genius.

But being in my twenties and stupid…

I spent all the money in less than 2 years, until I was flat broke.

“Broke” as in…

Selling all of my stuff on eBay…

Going through a bitter divorce…

And my house going into foreclosure…

That kind of broke.

I was definitely less rich, and more jerk.

Not long after that, I was fortunate enough to partner with some people who were smarter than me…

And I earned a healthy income for a couple years, working alongside them.

But nothing to get overly excited about.

When those partners ultimately moved on to new, more successful projects without me…

I was left scratching my head.

What should I do next?

Well, for the next 5 years I jumped on every trend I could, such as:

​Selling t-shirts from Facebook ads

Creating a ​Shopify Store

​Selling on Amazon FBA

Being an Entrepreneur “Coach”

​Doing Affiliate Marketing

​Orchestrating a Big Product Launch

None of it worked.

Meanwhile, my friends were posting pics of their new Lamborghini’s on my

Facebook feed every other day.

And those posts chipped away at my confidence…

Like death by a thousand cuts.

Was I a loser?

What was I doing wrong?

Maybe I truly was the Vanilla Ice of marketing…

Now this is the point where some marketers, or entrepreneurs might say this was a “dumb” idea…

Because “credit repair” is a massively competitive industry.

Billion dollar companies.

And thousands of mid-level to smaller companies.

All competing for the same people.

But I had pretty much failed at every other website I made over the previous 5 years…

So why not be willing to fail yet again?

I didn’t have much to lose.

My ego was already pretty decimated at this point anyway.

It was so bad that I had actually developed a debilitating case of “panic disorder” and “agoraphobia”…

Meaning I was so terrified of the panic attacks I had every day, that I wouldn’t even leave my house.

No shopping trips, no meetings with friends, nothing.

Everything was a trigger.

So I was self-quarantined before that became a thing.

All in all, it wasn’t a good time.

I tried over 50 medications…

Like a pharmaceutical guinea pig.

Despite the side effects, I powered through each day as best I could.

Focusing on my credit repair website helped to take my mind off the fear and constant battle within my brain.

Thankfully I could work from home, keeping the scary outside world at bay.

I forged on, and organized my credit repair notes into a Microsoft Word document…

And then I put the guide up for sale, on my little one page website, for $19.95

I didn’t really know what to expect.

“Oh well”, I thought. “Let’s just see what happens.”

I channeled my inner Kevin Costner, and thought maybe…

Just maybe…

“If you build it, they will come.”

But…

I built it…

And nobody came.

So that was that.

But just before I gave up altogether…

I thought, what if I got a little more creative?

My website was so basic.

I had been so focused on improving the credit repair tips…

That my website suffered, and it wasn’t very compelling.

It was ignoring the basic rules of marketing & copywriting altogether.

I mean at least I could try positioning my guide as being filled with credit repair “secrets” instead of just “notes”.

Sounds more interesting, ya know?

So I literally just changed the name of the product.

Could a simple change like that really move the needle, turning a losing website into a winner?

Well, wouldn’t you know it…

A few more people started trickling in here and there…

And some of them actually plunked down their cold hard cash for my newly renamed credit repair “secrets”!

Not only were there no refund requests…

My customers were over-joyed and thankful.

Maybe I was onto something here?

I began to think about how to reach more people.

How to cast a wider net, without breaking the bank.

Little did I know, we would end up being able to purchase a $2.4 million dollar house, have our cars paid for, and be able to put a nice chunk of change into long term investments, some bitcoin, our kid’s futures, and much more…

My wife Alison was so moved by the tearful videos people were sending in…

She offered to join me and be our lone customer service representative…

Answering any comments or questions that were sent in.

Since most of the messages were very uplifting…

It was a pretty feel-good job for her.

Messages from people like Brian Murray (below).

This guy was so appreciative of our help, he actually flew out to San Diego to shake my hand and thank me in person.

And I made sure to have a camera ready!

(Fair warning – we both shed a few tears)

I knew it was time to go all-in.

For the next several weeks I hunkered down in a little studio apartment we have in our backyard, away from the main house.

I needed to completely re-program my marketing brain.

And truly learn to craft words that sell.

Muscles that don’t get exercised don’t grow.

And my marketing muscles felt more like love handles.

So it was back to basics.

I spent days and nights devouring every noteworthy “copywriting” and “direct response marketing” book I could.

Even if I only learned one solid tip from a book or course, it was well worth the time & money spent.

I gravitated to studying the all-time greats of marketing and copywriting…

– David Ogilvy

– Gary Halbert

– Dan Kennedy

– Clayton Makepeace

– Craig Clemens

– Chris Haddad

– Travis Sago

– Jon Benson

– Russell Brunson

– Evaldo Albuquerque

Just to name a few.

When I wasn’t reading, I was watching Youtube videos….

And studying salesletters…

I would get the best sales messages transcribed, so I could really study them.

It was all marketing, all day. Every day.

I hardly slept.

I listened to Eye of the Tiger from the Rocky soundtrack on repeat…

Meanwhile, the apartment began to look like the sanitation department had gone on strike.

Dishes and trash piled up everywhere.

Empty cans of Red Bull were scattered about.

I think I may have personally smelled worse than the room itself.

But I was “In the zone”.

It wasn’t long before light bulbs began to go off in my head…

And my previously dormant creative juices were starting to kick in.

After weeks of studying the greats…

I began to feel like Neo in the Matrix, clearly seeing the exact path to take.

It was time to stop studying, and time to start “doing”.

So I put all of my energy into creating a sales video…

Detailing the many benefits of my credit repair “secrets”.

At first it was one of those “white board” videos…

Where you see a hand drawing on a white board, as a narrator reads the message out loud.

And truthfully, it turned out awful!

First off, the guy was left -handed, so his arm kept covering up the pictures as he was drawing…

Second, his arm had more hair on it than an 800 pound gorilla.

When I say hairy, I mean HAIRY.

Hair so thick, it made me nauseous to watch his arm jostling around.

This video wasn’t going to sell anything except an electric razor.

I was relentless.

I kept trying and failing.

Editing the sales message over and over and over.

No whiteboards.

No Neanderthal arms.

No gimmicks.

Just a simple video with text, stock images (of people in despair) and scary music.

Until I got it just right…

Like this:

Obviously a lot more went into taking the business from a one page website to a $50 million dollar success story.

We did Facebook ads.

We did native ads.

We did direct mail.

We did Youtube ads.

We did email.

We worked with affiliates.

We pretty much did it all.

I got a crash course on the do’s and don’ts of each part of running a successful business.

We even did TV….

We partnered with Larry King on an infomercial selling Credit Secrets.

At the end of the day I was selling a book.

So no matter what medium I used to advertise…

I was still just selling an “info-product”.

Information that was already out there available.

But scattered in a confusing way.

I just organized it.

And then I built a sales funnel tailored to each advertising source.

For example, the people coming to us from an article on Yahoo…

Would see a completely different message and offer than the people who saw us on TV and Googled us.

The people who called our 800 number would hear something completely different than the online messaging.

It’s all very precise.

I’d like to say I’m a genius, but the truth is, there’s a recipe to the success of Credit Secrets.

No matter what medium you are advertising on…

To sell an informational product…

Where you are just selling words that you organized from the internet…

There’s a detailed blueprint to follow.

I’ve used it 4 times now, and each time my business did 8 figures.

That’s $10 million+

I have 3 new businesses using the formula RIGHT NOW…

They’re each on pace to be 8-9 figure success stories.

So it really isn’t your fault if you haven’t created a massively successful info-product business.

You just don’t have the blueprint. (yet)

And there are so many fake-gurus out there peddling nonsense…

It’s easy to become overwhelmed and annoyed.

Here are just a few quick examples of info-products:

– Cookbooks

– Meal Plans

– How to Lose Weight

– How to Grow Your Own Food

– How to Make Money as a Mystery Shopper

– How to Buy Wholesale Goods from China

– How to Negotiate & Persuade People

– How to Buy & Sell on eBay

– How to Win Your Ex Back

– How to Meditate

– How to Get Rid of Panic Attacks

– How to Survive the Next Big Market Crash

The list goes on and on…

They all typically fall under one of these

3 major categories

:

Health, Wealth, or Love.

If you go to Clickbank.com, you can see thousands of examples of info-products for sale…

Or if you go to Youtube or Google and search “How to”…

There will be suggestions showing what most people are searching for…

In all sorts of categories.

And remember, it doesn’t matter if it already exists, because…

The key is, YOUR info-product should promise (and deliver) a new breakthrough on an old idea.

So that you stand out from the rest.

Instead of “How to Lose Weight”…

You could sell…

I’m Pulling Back the Curtain on it All…

I’ve put together a video blueprint of

everything

I did to create a $50 million dollar business from scratch.

– Creating the perfect pre-sell “advertorial” page that warms people up

– Creating a VSL (video sales letter) that converts “cold traffic” (people who have never heard of you) into customers

– Creating the perfect upsell (if your first upsell doesn’t convert, your business is dead on arrival)

– How to split-test ONE page above all others (nobody does this) and increase profitability by 20% instantly

– What to do on your thank-you page, after people order (crucial, and 99% don’t do this)

– The #1 email that makes the most sales (nothing else even comes close)

– How to significantly increase your AOV (avg order value) on DAY ONE, without selling any extra products

– How to create & include a free bonus that makes you extra money on autopilot

– How to make sales on 80% of incoming calls, and 25% of outgoing calls, without hiring a single person

– The simple “10 second trick” to use at the end of every phone call that got us an added $100k/month in profit, without needing the caller to purchase anything extra

– Putting together a customer service team for FREE, who are better than any paid person could ever be (I’ve never seen anyone else do this)

– The #1 selling Facebook ad that drove $1 million per week in sales for us

– Our top converting advertorials

– All of our native ad winners (as well as those that didn’t work)

– How to make a cheap infomercial in ONE DAY that outsells the companies spending millions

– The

one thing

to NEVER do on an infomercial (this cost us millions in profit and is a huge takeaway)

– A sneak peak inside my other thriving businesses, that are using my proven blueprint

– I also recently filmed several new tv infomercials in various industries, and I’ll share them with you… including details on how they’re doing, how much they cost etc

– And much more… (including some special surprises)

If you want to build a multi-million dollar online business, that sells information…

You’re in the right place.

And if you’re curious about how well an “info-product” company can do…

Last I checked, Agora Financial was a $2 billion dollar company…

Selling nothing but information.

And don’t worry…

If you don’t have anyone to help you create your info product…

Or enough confidence or experience to do the marketing for it…

I’ll share the freelancers I use for EVERYTHING, and they charge very reasonable rates.