#like I’m doin my best and I’m not in a bad mood even rn

[allofuswantgwinam]

and I’m not tryin to be like a Debby downer when i complain about things 😭😭 it’s good to be positive and stuff but like shit is not right. In my state they’re trying to pass a law to not guarantee lunches for workers, plus so many other things in the world. Ya girl is not havin a good time and I don’t understand how everyone is just like complying.. I want out of this shit foreal. This is not living. I feel trapped in a world that I don’t want to be in

[slxtarchive]

Request for Steven Conklin.

Something sorta besties to lovers, but they keep friendzoning each other and getting confused until maybe she tells him she thinks she’ll invite someone else to the deb and he says no it’s fine he will and at the deb he confesses.

DEB ESCORT.

PAIRINGS. steven conklin x fem reader

SUMMARY. even though it was a struggle, you got steven to escort you to the deb ball. but he did more than just escort you...

WARNINGS. nothing really, just slight kissing!

AUTHORS NOTE. thank you for this request! i had a lot of fun doing it! <3 i'm so tired rn its been a long day so ill proofread later!!

y/n/n: your nickname

WORD COUNT. 1.5k

“y/n!” your mom susannah called out to you. “it’s time to go shopping for your deb dress!”

you shouted a quick ‘i’m going’ spraying some perfume.

your outfit consisted of a cute white tube top with flower detailing and some cute jean shorts along with doc marten sandals.

you grabbed your phone and speeded downstairs.

“okay, so what are we thinking?” your mom asked you as you both headed toward the front door.

that day you went looking for your dress and luckily enough you found the exact one you wanted.

it was everything you looked for in a dress.

you had no complaints.

overtime the week passed by and you were planning and planning. belly was helping you as well since she was also being a deb. you both shared your experience especially because you guys were practically sisters.

you guys talked about everything …but when it came down to dates. you didn’t have a clue.

“i’m thinking of asking cameron to be my escort.” she gushed.

“hmm you really like him don’t you?” you asked taking a sip of your milkshake.

“i do y/n. he’s so sweet and kind. he’s selfless like he genuinely is a good guy! ugh..tell me to shut up.” she covers her face in embarrassment.

“that’s so cute. aww belly welly is in looooove.” you tease her.

“oh please, so who’s going to be your escort? anyone in mind?” she asked licking the whipped cream off the cherry from her shake.

“no. i have no clue.” you huffed licking the whipped cream off your lips.

“why not steven? come on y/n. you should just tell him.” belly knew about your crush on steven. ever since you guys were smaller.

she could tell by the way you looked at him.

“i could never. im too scared i’ll get rejected and then everything will be so awkward.” you groaned. “maybe i’ll just…i don’t know”

“okay, you don’t have to tell him. just ask if he’d be your escort! he’s your best friend! it wouldn’t be weird.” she told you.

“i mean i guess that is a good idea.” you thought about if.

“of course it is. it’s my idea.” she giggled.

knock knock.

you were at steven’s door. fully prepared to ask him to be your escort.

“come in.” he grumbled.

he sounded like he was in a bad mood which almost made you chicken out.

“hey…watcha doin.” you asked first.

he made contact with you and a smile formed.

“hey y/n/n.” he said. “nah, nothing just tryna figure out some stuff for school. what’s up?” he patted his bed for you to sit.

“i just wanted to ask you something important.” you sat down crisscross.

“what about?” he leaned up off his headboard. he was concerned not knowing what to think. part of him wanted it to be about you two but he kept that thought himself.

“i was wondering since you’re my best friend and all…”

best friend? he thought. right.

“if you wanted to be my escort to the deb ball.” you were fiddling with your fingers as the question came out your mouth.

“uh…like that victorian shit?” he snorted.

“it’s not victorian.” you slap his arm. “it’s about a woman coming of age! and i need an escort.”

“are you sure it’s supposed to be a friend though?”

friend? you thought. right.

“i mean it could be anyone. there’s a girl bringing her girlfriend and my friend is bringing her friend from home.” you tried to explain.

“mmm, i’ll have to think about it. i told myself i wouldn’t get involved in that deb shit.” he shrugged off.

oh…

“okay well…um let me know then..?” you hesitated. you were kind of hurt by his answer. you thought you guys were at least close enough to do something important for each other.

you got up ready to walk out.

“where you going?” he asked.

stay; is what he wanted to say.

“oh- um i just don’t feel too well i’m going to lie down.” you said quickly before exiting the room.

as soon as you got inside your room you closed your door, locked it, and fell face-first on top of your bed sighing.

that went well.

a few days had passed, well more than enough time for steven to think about being your escort. at this point, he probably forgot all about it.

“steven.” you said his name as he was relaxing by the pool.

“hey y/n/n. are you gonna get in? let’s swim together.” he called u over starting to stand up.

“no thanks, i was just going to ask you if you thought about what i asked you the other day…you know. the deb ball?” you were standing there admiring his shirtless stomach as he spoke.

“oh yeah, i don’t think it would be cool for me you know. like being in a tux n shit.” he shrugged. “thanks for inviting me though.”

your blood boiled.

being in a tux…and shit.

“no yeah, no worries. i was thinking about taking another guy anyway.” you couldn’t help but blurt out.

you turned and started walking away until he grabbed your arm to stop you.

“who?” he looked confused.

“oh just this guy i met at one of the bonfires.” you smiled trying to walk away again but he still had his grip on you.

his face twitched. “well, actually now that i think about it. we’re best friends, it’s only right i escort you. i didn’t think about it like that.”

best friends?

“yeah, best friends …should have each other's backs. which is why i don’t know why you’d say no.” you crossed your arms defensively.

“well, to be honest. i thought it was lame.” he admitted.

“wow i didn’t notice!” you sarcastically shot back. “please get your tux on time. it’s the only thing you have to worry about.” you said and you walked away.

two weeks later.

it was the day of the deb ball.

you were nervous and freaking out. you knew exactly what to do and what you were going to do for your makeup and hair, you were just nervous about the night.

you wanted it to turn out okay. more than okay actually. you wanted it to be everything you’d dreamed of.

susannah had people coming to do your hair and makeup in the dressing room of the country club which took the pressure off a little bit. you had told them what you wanted and thank goodness they exceeded your expectations.

you looked at yourself in the mirror and thanked the beauty gods for this good outcome.

the other girls were also getting their hair and makeup done but it was time to change.

susannah helped you along with laurel. they were awed at how gorgeous you looked in the dress.

“oh honey, you look so beautiful.” susannah said hugging you.

“thank you mom.” you hugged back.

“she’s right, you look gorgeous..” laurel said smiling at you.

“thank you, laur.” you hugged her as well before she spoke again.

“if steven ruins your night you let me know.” she eyes you.

“i will.” you smile back.

“okay, well we gotta head out but we’ll see you honey.” susannah rubs your shoulders. “you’re gonna be fantastic.”

you smile once again watching them leave. you take a deep breath. it’ll be okay.

and it was.

you say steven for the first time. he looked so good.

steven thought the same about you.

she’s breathtaking. he said quietly to himself.

you got announced and as you guys walked down the applause was non-stop.

you saw laurel and susannah waving at you from the table as well as conrad and jere.

you smiled so big your face was hurting.

as the night went on you had the best time.

now it was afterward when you were getting dressed back into your clothes and getting ready to head home.

you were packing up your bag when you heard a knock on the dressing room door.

you turn to see who it is and steven walks in.

“hi.” he said shyly.

you smiled. “hi! thank you so much for escorting me.”

he nodded and looked around the room before making eye contact with you again. he was biting his lip nervously and fiddling with his fingers.

“you okay?” you asked walking closer to him.

he was about to speak but he paused.

“steven…what’s wrong?” you said worriedly. he was acting strange.

“im going to do something but feel free to stop me.” he said and before you could think of what to say his lips were on yours.

his hands grabbed your face pulling you for a kiss.

your stomach exploded so the fire works.

he was kissing you. you didn’t know what to do. all you knew was that you had to start kissing back, so you did.

you molded his lips with his moving them along with each other.

you felt him smile and pull him closer but you felt him pull away leaving you wanting more.

“i wanted to do that for so long y/n. i’m sorry i didn’t realize my feelings sooner.” he whispered.

“im sorry i kept friend-zoning you.” you admitted.

“i forgive you. you forgive me?” he cheekily grinds.

you roll your eyes and smile. “sure why not.” you giggle connecting your lips in a chaste kiss.

[official-lovestruck-galen]

Lucas Season 2 Episode 3 Thoughts

You know it’s gone to shit when I’m more willing to trust Axe Man than Bosco.

MMC is a mood. “OH THANK GOD the axe man isn’t evil. Let’s just get the explanation done now.”

Oooooo lore. The Whitethorn trees are magic,,, I mean I figured but also OOOO LORE!!

Wait soooo can Mr Abel Axe Man just kinda go through realms or did I misunderstand cuz rn I’m like 👀

I KNEW THE WARLOCK WAS BOSCO. I mean he kinda is it’s like a puppet?? Unless Axe Man Abel is incorrect or just lying or something.

Wait does that mean Meg sayin shit about Pinocchio was something omg??

YOU CANT JUST KILL PEOPLE. I MEAN I KNOW HES A FUNKY WARLOCK PUPPET BOY BUT ALSO. YOU CANT DO THAT???

Defensive and angry Lucas is some good shit ofc but also. We just gonna brush over the fact that Ezra also growled at the guy?? I like the respect he has for MMC and I wanna see them,,, be friends,,,

Speaking of I do very much love and want Lucas and Ezra friendship.

Nora has brain cells which is good but I’m inclined to agree with Lucas and Ezra LoL.

Worried Lucas is a mood but also I want the best for him so it’s :(

Also I’m infinitely glad Nora has brain cells thank god for her.

And we break up tension with sibling teasing. I can’t such much about MMCs taste in dudes as a lesb but he’s doin good with Lucas.

IT WAS TWO SECONDS HOW ARE LUCAS AND EZRA ALREADY FIGHTING.

Oh ok. It’s just bonding. Good shit. Also love Lucas’s “Awww, are we a pack owo?” They’re so weird I love them.

LUCAS. BB WHY ARE YOU SNEAKIN OUT.

YESSSSS EMOTIONAL HONESTY. YES FINALLY ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT THE KISS AND THE FEELINGS AND SUCH.

I’ve lowkey been choosing not to think about what’d happen when Lucas needs to go home after the quest but apparently Lucas has been and I’m dyin about it.

Yes emotional honestly but damn it Cyrus you’re doin it again. Mayhaps I’m too emotional about these boys but like. Either way my eyes are so watery. The boys,,, I’m so glad Lucas is being honest. I feel like I might’ve mentioned this at one point reading season one but maybe not. I wanted this scene so bad tbh it’s so needed and I’m so glad it came early season 2 instead of like. Having it drawn out longer than it needed. I would’ve enjoyed it either way but this feels so good and natural and UGH. I LOVE THEM.

“IM FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.” HONESTLY I LOVE THAT EVEN MORE THAN I’D LOVE AN “I LOVE YOU” IT JUST. IT FEELS LIKE IT MEANS A LOT MORE???? Like hear me out. I feel like an “I love you” coming from a fairy tale prince is so much different. Like all the Prince Charmings in stories are the ones where it’s Love At First Sight Married In The Morning yknow? But like. Falling in love is such a process. It’s slow. It’s getting to know and appreciate all aspects of a person and it’s just. It’s so good. I’m so emotional. God that last scene I’m just reading over and over. This route is so well written. Also I didn’t realize that the lightkeeper nickname hadn’t been used yet until it was written in that scene. I’ll say it every dang update until it gets irritating and afterwards. I love this route, it’s so artfully written.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

Some ECW Raven hurt/comfort headcanons would be really rad if you don't mind writing them? 😳👉👈

Time for full disclosure here, nonnie mouse. I ABSOLUTELY fucking ADORE you for this. I love,love,love,love Raven. And I don’t think I can say it enough. I gotta admit, i was not expecting anyone to indulge me on my desire to write hc’s for wrestlers like Raven or edge or Jeff or anyone like that.. SO I AM WEEPING FOR JOY RN. These are all over the place. I tried to focus on strictly hurt comfort.. But some others snuck their way in too.

Warnings: none. We’re keeping it PG in this christian household on this Tuesday. Or we’re gonna die trying.

Tag Squad:

@kyleoreillysknee

@rampagewriting

@writertoo18

@thatnerdwriter

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@waywardwrestlewritingwaif

@cabotcoves

@unabashedwrestlefics

@adampage

@cowboyshit

@missjenniferb

@wrestlingthot

@wardl0w

[ tag list doc - masterlist - send me more. these are fun. but read this first.]

┎ Raven is a soft hearted guy, despite all outward appearances and claims to the otherwise. Also very empathetic. I firmly believe he’d sense a change in your mood the second it occurred. And he’d go into deep thought mode. First he’d analyze himself to make sure he hadn’t done anything to cause the hurt. Then he’d start to extend the web of deep thought outward. To others. God help any person who may be responsible, RIP. 

--for reference, see his Clockwork Orange matches. While not brutal, they do illustrate that the man knows his way around weapons and toys and... He will become sadistic enough over those he allows close to him to put his brutal knowledge in the ways of fucking rocking someone’s entire shit to use. So if anyone hurts you? They’re about to wish they died.

-- if he is the one responsible, he immediately owns up to his actions. Because he’s not afraid to admit when he’s being a stubborn, bull headed jackass. Because honestly? It’s often. And he takes extra care of you preceding his apology. He goes above and beyond to do his utmost best NOT to do whatever it was that he did to hurt you, again.

┎ If it’s an internal thing, he’ll just kind of pull you close, rest his chin on the top of your head while his fingers smooth over your hair. “Deep breaths. Eyes on me, sweetheart. C’mon, talk to Raven. I’m right here. I got you.” is repeated over and over in the softest gravel rasp like a mantra until you’re calm and you can relay the cause of the issue. After you’ve told him what’s going on, he will hold you more. Or pull you down onto his lap while he’s sitting on the stair. “What am I doin’ to fix this?” he looks at you, an earnest look in his eyes because he honest to god is determined to fix whatever’s wrong. 

┎  The man is your biggest supporter. And he is your personal bodyguard. You literally go NOWHERE without Raven present... Even if he’s scowling a little because he utterly hates crowded malls or theaters, etc. If you’re there, he’s going to be there too. Because it’s something you’re into, and he’s into you. 

┎ Is not a good patient at all when he’s the one who is ill. Gets downright testy and hates medicine. Especially that licorice flavored cough syrup shit. BUT BUT.. If you’re the one whose sick? Man is quick to call the nearest doctor and get detailed instructions... He’s written down ALL your symptoms and he checks your temperature religiously and has those at the ready, as well as his own googled diagnosis... While keeping a bit of a distance, of course. If you’re throwing up, he’s there with a cool damp cloth against the back of your neck. If you want cuddles, he will provide, however, it’s kind of those ginger careful cuddles. Like “Ayooo, I love you a lot but I’m not out here tryna get this shit too.”

┎ Sends clever little riddles in meme form when he knows you’re having a bad day. The downside to this is the man is a literal genius IRL, so.. Sometimes, that cute little joke takes 4 goddamn hours to hit you and make you laugh. But you love him for it.

┎ Once felt so bad that he forgot an anniversary that he made up for it in clutch by booking an entire week in a cabin, just the two of you. He bought you your favorite flowers every single day too. And he did all the cooking. TBF.. he does about 75 percent of it anyway? Because his love language is taking care of the people he loves as opposed to the words...

[jihacs-blog]

           hey there ! this is your Local Sleepyhead vic ( 21, gmt-4, she/her ) and i apologize in advance if i take long spaces of time to reply something just asdjka my schedule is a messy rn & apparently i’m doin everything i can to make it worse :// also english isn’t my native language so i’m sorry for any typos .. anyway, this is jihae a very chinese man, baker, ur actual mom friend and u can find his STATS here and the PLOTS here. just do that thing and i’ll roll into ur dms <3

tw: cancer

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ let’s introduce you to wang jihae, they are a twenty-four year old park jimin lookalike living in daemapo apartment complex. this particular cismale has been living in seoul for two years and has gained the title of being the rose-colored glasses during that time, which is probably because of their communicative + self-indulgent, yet unstable + escapist tendencies. not to mention he currently works as a baker, and can been seen hanging around teachaicha in their free time.  

➭  ❝    𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓇𝓎 ..

wenli was a pastry cook known by her extraordinary wedding cakes ; having her work well recognized in hong kong, it wasn’t long before she wanted to grow in value and this was how she ended up at conferences all over asia. in a more special one, she met kim jongsuk, a son of a respected ceo in seoul, and then began their short love story.

jongsuk was about to take over his father’s company, and wenli needed to get back to hong kong when they discovered the pregnancy. and that was how jihae was born : in a not very conventional family, but it was what he had and appreciated the most. although far away, his father never lacked & his mother took cared for him as a good mama bear that she was.

grew in the middle of the flour. literally. his mother decided to take root after a few years and bought her first bakery specializing in wedding cakes and it was exactly from there that jihae’s love was born. he wanted to make brides thrill with the cakes he’d create in the future on the happiest days of their lives.

it wasn’t long before his father announced he’d get married. and to everyone’s surprise, it was wenli who proposed to make the wedding cake. jihae didn’t know, but if he suspected that this would be his last event closer to his mother in a healthy way he’d have made the most of it. after that, they received a diagnosis of breast cancer. it was a battle for a year and six months before the woman lost it bravely.

jihae didn’t let himself be shaken by it, he had his mourning time, but he knew his mother wouldn’t want him to focus too much on his pain. so he decided to occupy his mind, finishing high school with merit and asking his father for an academic exchange in france, to improve his knowledge. after six months very well spent, he spent some time traveling the usa & then decided that his new home would be : seoul.

 ➭  ❝    𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉  ..

after moving back to seoul, jihae with the help of his father managed to sell his mother’s belongings, such as the bakery and the house they lived in ( only saving some of the woman’s favorite clothes and jewels as souvenirs ). part of the money he donated to a hospital specializing in curing cancer.

lived with his father and his family for a few months, but they knew it was temporary. since then jihae wanted to buy a place to turn into his own baker, and he knew it was a risk to make it still so young, but he needed to follow his mother’s dream —– and his own dream.

has a very good relationship with his father & his small family, especially his younger step-sister, whom he loves to make candies to and spend time with her whenever he can.

➭  ❝    𝒽𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉'𝓈 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓂𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 ..

jihae can be classified as someone half-outgoing and half-introverted. he’ll keep quiet in situations he isn’t used to, but around those he’s comfortable with, it’s like a big ass party !

if you want to label him, however, mom friend is probably the best to go.

there’s no bad mood with him, he’s always willing to help his friends and family. and also those who need it. can’t see a street dog that he wants to bring it home, even though he knows he can’t.

despite being very good in the patisserie, kitchen isn’t his forte. complex dishes he prefers to leave for the take out app on his phone.

a flamboyant even if i don’t think that’s the correct term ?? by being raised only by his mother, he grew in greater contact with his sensitive side & giving reason more to the feeling than the concrete ideas inside his mind.

doesn’t have a sexual orientation ? like,, he respects everyone and is fond of getting to know about it, but he doesn’t feel in the place to put himself inside a box like that. he likes the people he likes, he does what he does and that’s it.

tho he’s extremely organized, has a plan for everything and states that everything that happened had a plan and if not, it wasn’t right. doesn’t believe in luck.

workaholic ( !! )

hates people telling him what to do. he knows how to respect opinions, but he’s hard-headed enough to insist on his own idea before giving up and saying he was wrong ( most of the time, he won’t be wrong, so he never needs to show his stubborn side anyways ).

although very sensitive, this side of him is kept shut down. always with a rehearsed smile decorating his face at all times.

l o v e s make up !

if he sleeps at least four hours in one night that’s like a lot inside his head.

is a volunteer in a hospital for children with cancer, and believes that this is one of the means that helps him recover from losing his mother.

can talk all night about literally everything.

well,, he’s a baby. pls love him

[nekoabi]

ALL 65

*cracks thumbs* Let’s do this!

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nah - I think… This question is hurting my brain…

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?Probably like a 1.25, so like a lil but not a lot.

3. The person you would never want to meet?The person who is to kill me, probs

4. What is your favorite word?Lousy is a nice word to say

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?Crab Apple Tree, because it is described as having an “irregular, rounded shape”

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?Ughhh… why am I awake so early…

7. What shirt are you wearing?My “All Hail the Glowcloud” shirt from the most recent WTNV tour

8. What do you label yourself as?Edgy

9. Bright room or dark room?Dark Room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?Thinking about sending my mum a birthday message, and talking with @illisienthar

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?Actually, my current age, 21 - I’m actually kinda enjoying life a little more

12. Who told you they loved you last?@illisienthar, I think

13. Your worst enemy?This one guy who I cannot stand the voice of and just his general demeanour gets on my last freaking nerve… also he was a racist piece of shit one time and he makes me uncomfortable… 

14. What is your current desktop picture?This gorgeous piece of artwork by ryky

15. Do you like someone?I mean, yeah… I kinda always do…

16. The last song you listened to?But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?Um… can I do a cop-out and say the next person who is about to die so that way I’m not really fully responsible for their death as they were about to die that second anyway????

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?Nigel Farage… but then that would mean a) getting near him and b) touching his person. I’ll go with… @seventhdisaster instead ;)

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?@seventhdisaster and he would do anything i told him to!

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)My hair, 100%, no thought needed lmao

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?Short, ginger, long hair, slight chub - I’d probably freak out and be like “what why”

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?I mean, I can fit my fist in my mouth? Does that count? #mypartytrick

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?I guess I’m pretty unique in that I’m seemingly afraid of almost everything… Whoops?

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.White Bread, Ketchup, Sliced Turkey Meat, Ready Salted Crisps. Boom. Sounds gross to some, fucking delicious m8s.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?Probably on stuff to make cosplay since I’m really in that mood rn.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?Australia, so I can see my good friend @alreadyentendu

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?Ummm… well, I don’t drink to the point of barely knowing anything about alcohol. If I could make a deal to get a lifetime supply of Irn Bru, then that would be my choice.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? #nodeathallowed

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck - its so versatile 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?Laptop. Easy question.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?Oh boy, probably my horrendous experience singing at the local Waitrose back in year 11 where I fucking forgot all the words, forgot the entire song, had classmates all around me - both in the group that were singing and working at the store, and also my cousin around to hear it all… Ughhh, still can’t listen to What’s This? without dying inside…

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!Probs Norway, it’s really pretty and I really like it there (plz take me in @seventhdisaster @t2norway)

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?Am I heartless for wanting to pick my cat over my grandma? I would go with grandma tho, would make my dad very happy

34. What was your last dream about?Uhhh… the last one I can remember was a friend and myself being chased by police, me hiding in a house that i apparently lived in, being caught in there by my “mother” and being kicked out, sneaking back into the house, getting caught and being hidden by a “brother” and then being caught AGAIN by “mother”. Then the police come and search the room (for some reason) and they are expecting to find something incriminating about myself and find a drawer that is splattered with red paint or something and they think it’s blood and i try to prove my innocence and stuff, ends with me waking up in tears… I forgot some details, but you get the gist

35. Are you a good….showman?LMAOOOOO NOPE, at least I don’t think so… I can be alright once I get used to it, but most of the time I’m p. bad (excluding when i’m being a showman to hide how i really feel inside)

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?Not really “admitted”, but I did have to go in for a blood test once and that was horrendous

37. Have you ever built a snowman?Yeah, once… it wasn’t the prettiest, but it was fun!

38. What is the color of your socks?WHO NEEDS SOCKS?! but usually they’re multicoloured/patterned

39. What type of music do you like?I guess Alternative/Emo/Goth is the best label for it, anything that’s kinda heavy is good for me

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?I don’t like milkshakes… or milk in general… I know, I’m a freak

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)What’s a sport? 

43. Do you have any scars?I have a scar near the tip of my index finger where I cut myself with safety scissors during Sports Day once.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?Working with live Sound for performances or Stage Management, or propping

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?Probably be thinner without having to work for it

46. Are you reliable?I’d like to think I am, I do what I say I am going to most of the time - and usually a lil early, if I can

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?Am I still with The Internet Support Group?

48. Do you hold grudges?I can do, but it’s all relative and I do try to give people second chances - but I am likely to not forget what they did…

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?A Fox Cat!

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?Possibly discussions about death that I have with a fair amount of people

51. Are you a good liar?Probably… I’ve not been caught yet

52. How long could you go without talking?I’ve been a full day or so without talking before, and I could probably do longer - I’m gonna put myself at like 3 days, maybe

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?My fringe with the middle parting… Ughhhh

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?Once or twice in Cooking class.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?Haaaaaaaaa accents are not my thing at all!

56. What do you like on your toast?Nutella

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?A heart

58. What would be you dream car?One that works!!

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.I sing in the shower when I am alone in the house. As for unusual habits, I’ve been told it’s weird that I don’t face the shower.

60. Do you believe in aliens?Well, yeah… 

61. Do you often read your horoscope?When I see it, I’ll do it for a laugh

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?Ys are fun to write

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?Dragons! The crazy things that you can come up with for them, ahh! I love it!

64. What do you think about babies?Can be cute from a distance, not about to have any of my own!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. How u doin?I’m doing alright, had a decent day overall

[hagiographically]

summer qtr review/thoughts

buckle up kiddos its gonna be long -- this is mainly for my benefit tbh (tw for ed talk but as usual, no detail about behaviors)

but i feel like i tumbled less this summer and tbh i think that is ?? probably good

anyway

the quarter started off horrifically bad because i deteriorated a lot in florence. like, im so happy i went to florence and i experienced so many things and got so much braver and more confident, but i didn’t realize those positive effects until many weeks in, and they didn’t develop fully until i’d left

but i lost like..... at least 15 pounds without trying to or even realizing

surprise! italy is triggering for eating disorders....who knew....not this stanford-educated bitch right here....

anyway i was half dead when i got home to new jersey. i figured this summer i’d have to Actually Recover, and i’d dropped out of my program in south africa to be at stanford, catch up on my major, and get my shit together health-wise

That Did Not Happen, Unsurprisingly

having a disorder means.....the worse u get.....ur brain cares less about recovering....so I hit my lowest weight ever a couple weeks after getting back to ol’ stanf

it sukked cuz summer is triggering because it’s so beautiful and warm outside and like !!! shorts!!! crop tops!!! but anyway i hauled ass to the doctor to make sure i wasn’t going to die

she said “libby you are going to die very soon if you keep doing this”

but!!! that was the go-ahead i needed to flip the switch into Recovery Mode(tm) and i went to cvs the next day and bought hundreds of dollars worth of vitamins and supplements and safe foods because it was an Investment or whatever

and like......it’s been rocky. I’ve slipped up countless times. I gained 10 lbs in the first week and that was super scary lol so I relapsed, and then half-recovered from that, and since then it’s been a tug-of-war with the mental illness goblin

BUT that being said, the whole process has been kind of fun/motivating in a weird way, like I was a scientist and my body was the experiment, and I was just throwing data points into it and seeing what worked.

and ????? Some Things Worked !!! and it really awakens my sense of curiosity to see what things help me-- the nutrition and supplements helped my mood, energy, relationships (kinda? who knows what it would’ve been like otherwise), academics (same as relationships), confidence, etc. it even changed my personality i think, or at least minimized the things i didn’t like about myself and let me cultivate the things i like

like for example, i’m actually.....not an introvert i don’t think? i was talking to my mom about this yesterday -- she thinks she’s a 60/40 E/I and I’m the opposite, so we’re both ambiverts with different leanings. I identify as an introvert because I like solitary activities bc I’m used to being alone, but I realized this summer that.....being alone isn’t always good for me because it awakens mental illness goblin, but also I ??? really like talking to people and I’m good at conversations ??? I met lots of non-Stanf people from going out so much and it was always really refreshing and cool and I got energy from it....definition of an extravert

had conversations that really cemented my current values - got to talk about my classes and how much i loved them, how much the shallowness of bay area tech bothers me, how much i loved italy (florence is so hazy to me rn!! bizarre), regional differences in psychology (my passion tbh) and it just feels so good to care about things wow !! is this what it’s like to be neurotypical? no wonder yall are out there doin it

so I am not recovered in any sense of the word but I am so. much. better. I reduced a hella lot of behaviors, rarely felt depressed, and achieved pretty much everything i wanted, even though this was my sixth straight quarter of college and if i hadn’t done this self-imposed health regimen i don’t think i would’ve died, but i would’ve eroded and probably dropped out of school to go back to residential

should i be getting professional treatment? i think a lot of recovery blogs or experts would say yes, because they’re of the mind you can’t half-recover, and treatment comes before education, etc. and i don’t completely disagree and maybe once i graduate i’ll agree. but. i know that right now i want to be in school. i cannot fully recover on my own, but on my own is the only way i can get pieces of everything that i want. 

i’m healthier and happier because i made the best grades i’ve ever gotten at stanford (easy-ass classes for sure, but i’m still glad i performed as well as i possibly could. it’s a point of pride for me that even though my illness can get really severe, it’s never impacted my grades.) and i still did lots of really fun things! it was less social than last summer, where i went out every other day, but i still went to santa cruz beach boardwalk, an ed sheeran concert, a gay club in SF, SO MANY bars in downtown palo alto (at the point where multiple bartenders recognize me), a play in redwood city, coffee shops and dinner dates and sunlit morning walks to class listening to jukebox the ghost and happy-buzzed from green tea.

i’ll just say it, my fashion was kinda lit this summer....i was very physically confident, which is mixed because i might be romanticizing unhealthiness even though i am healthier than before. who knows. i am in transit

i feel like i didnt socialize as much this quarter with my actual close friends but instead met lots of one-time people and like, it was really nice meeting new people, bc when the people are always changing, i can see which elements of me stay the same. and getting to know who i am now is so interesting because tbh?? ive been through a lot this year (and also with, like, life) it’s so weird thinking of myself As A Whole when anything more than a year ago feels like a fever dream or made up story....anyway!

i did get to see my friends fairly frequently and i’m grateful for every time i did because i’m v lucky to have anyone in my life when i change as much as the fricken weather

my friends who loved stanford before are more over it now, and its funny bc i used to hate it but now im used to the school so i dont anymore. im a senior, i know the school well, ive been a member of so many clubs, been to so many on campus houses, explored the area extensively, taken a variety of classes….im not totally out of FOMO but its so reduced that im confident with what ive done there, and my ego isnt as threatened by other people bc i know i have my own kind of value. it doesnt matter if its objective or not bc how i feel is ultimately what matters

like its not all about what i feel if i dont do anything about it. but ive done some stuff! and im trying to make the shitty interpersonal stuff better! its going!

was able to read and write a little bit which is neaterino ! and i liked my job at the library, it was fun and easy

anyway if i think too much about it i’ll trip out because thinking about life sends me into existential despair, but this was a good quarter. up there with sophomore spring for my favorite/happiest/best feeling quarter? probably even better than soph spring because i was sick for most of the spring. every quarter has ups and downs and this was no exception but the downs didn’t feel as debilitating and the air didn’t feel like a fire blanket for once, and now that i have some strategies under my belt i can’t imagine things ever really getting that bad for a while

[luckylagerlegacy]

Lil Uzi Vert “Luv Is Rage 2″ Album Commentary

I’m excited that this Album is here… But at the same time it makes me a little bit sad that the twitter jokes about it never being released will cease now. I think I put the first Luv Is Rage mixtape as my rap album of the year in 2015, which makes it hard for me to know what to expect from this one. It’ll either be a classic, or an audio version of whatever Lil Uzi’s hair is doing right this very moment. Let’s not waste anymore time here, and instead just shoulder roll our way into Luv Is Rage 2:

1) Two:

Calling the first track on your album “Two” is a piss off, Uzi… But this song’s beat got the trademark accordion over it and I am instantly lulled into being okay by it. This track leads off right where Luv Is Rage ended,which is fire.. Sure, now he’s rapping about fame being poisonous and money being evil BUT shit slaps stupid hard and I can suspend my concern for his personal well being for at least as long as this song lasts.

3.5/5

2) 444+222:

EITHER SLOW DOWN WITH YOUR DIRECTIONS OR DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MR UZI VERT. I’m also not doing math so your probably clever song title is completely lost on my dumb ass!!!!! This song has me voguing into a broken mirror while thinking about all the girls who have ever wronged me. I’m flash dancing in my back yard, nae naeing at the thought of my own death. This is a total stripper joint, but don’t be surprised if some of them dancers recognize the sadness in Lil Uzi’s voice and shake their titties wild mournfully and make all of the perverts watching reflect on their own shit.

4/5

3) Sauce It Up:

Coincidentally, this song title is exactly what I tell the drive thru dicks at Wendy’s when they ask me which one (1) sauce I want with my six (6) orders of the dollar menu  Five (5) piece nugget. This song is sort of about nothing, but it has the cutest fucking line lmao check it out: “I WAS ON THE PHONE, YEAH WITH PLAYBOI CARTI - COMMES DES GARCON, HEARTS ALL ON MY CARDI” lol that’s silly as hell I love it, who the hell calls a cardigan a cardi? Tegan And Sara fans do. I do. This is the first song on the tape that hasn’t made me want to call a distress hotline on Lil Uzi’s behalf.

3.5/5

4) No Sleep Leak:

This song stupid as fuck but in a good way. I just woke my dog up dancing to this song. That’s a real thing that happened. He raps about recouping all of his wealth in the span of a single night which is tight, but I often do the same. I can go from like .34 cents in my bank account to uhhh like a few hundred when it’s payday. It’s not that impressive, Uzi.

3.5

5) The Way Life Goes:

My girl is at her Aunt’s house in Maryland this week (holler at me if ur tryna rob her house while she’s gone just hmu she has an xbox) and I’m actually glad now, cus you have got to be missing somebody to truly grasp whatever the fuck Lil Uzi Vert is going through right now. Who the hell hurt you Lil Uzi Vert? Your hair dresser? Reese La Flare when you ripped his whole existence off and added KPOP to it?? Who the fuck did this to you lil guy??? Lmao this song goes hard as hell though I’m pouring out a tear for my guys rn over it. This one is hilarious to me tho cus he samples an “Oh Wonder” song, and it’s adorable to me that Lil Uzi Vert knows about some fabulist ass pop duo like the rest of us sad schmucks do.

4.5/5

6) For Real:

I’m assembling an interracial squad of dance teens to perform funny looking dance moves to this song while I stand behind the camera and jerk it side to side (not like that) whenever they do the dab. This song is the most stripped down, “normal” on the project I guess. It’s cool, but I like my Lil Uzi Vert to be manic and sad and weird. NEEEEEEEEXT

3/5

7) Feelings Mutual:

Oh wow we’re diving back into the sad drug stuff pretty abruptly here. Hold the fuck on I’m gonna google “Who Did This To Lil Uzi Vert??” gimme a second. Okay, nothing came up… But damn we gotta get this guy some mood stabilizers and a workout routine so he can start to turn that frown upside down. Nobody getting double toppy from models and driving ferraris should be sad. Even if he is like, five foot minus five. Nobody who’s friends with The Migos should cry, ever! They have their own chips! This song is very good though. Again, his sad shit is really effective so even tho he’s crying for help I’m gonna pretend he’s asking me to ignore his situation and dance instead!

4/5

8) Neon Guts (Feat Pharrell Williams):

Two things: I misspell Pharrell’s name every single time I type it, and whoooo shit Pharrrlel can make a goddamn track, even now that he’s more of a spiritual guide to XXL’s freshman classes than a hit maker. He took his gigantic cowboy hat off and donned the BDBC fitted for this one. This is gonna be the biggest song off this whole album, mark my words. Shit slaps dummy hard.

5/5

9) Early 20 Rager:

Oh hey, Lil Uzi named this song the same thing as my friend’s name their Birthday events on Facebook! Hopefully this song doesn’t make me get dressed up and go to 3 bars I don’t like. He says “FUCK YO GIRL ON CAM, GOPRO” which is hilarious. I want my POV porn to have an extreme sports edge to it now. I wanna see Mia Malkova giving head while jumping out of an airplane ASAP.

3.5/5

10) UnFazed (Feat. The Weeknd):

Dog I fucking hate the weekday. I -oh wow this shit slaps nvm I’m wrong.. Still tho if I catch you out here with XO gear on I am throwing it high up into an unscalable tree. One with mad prickles. He does say “Take three Xannies like a hattrick” on this which is super fucking lame and ultra Canadian of him. I know I said that the Pharalel track would be the biggest song on this album, but every white girl I know who does blow loves The Weeknd so this track is gonna go quadruple platinum.

4/5

11. Pretty Mami:

               This song boring as fuck! Maybe Lil Uzi not liking rapping anymore… Isn’t a good thing? I thought disenfranchisement meant bangers that would make me wipe tears away in secrecy at the club… But maybe, instead it means a lack of bangers?????????????????????????? Fuck man… I hate whoever made this man so sad.

2.5/5

12) How To Talk:

THIS BITCH! This song starts with the audio of some woman calling Lil Uzi Vert out for some shit that uhhh I’m not paying attention to. Somebody on 4chan analyze this woman’s vocality n stuff so we know who to speak to about making this guy sad. This song slaps tho, he’s all apologetic about treating her badly and jealous that she’s talking to a ball player. The beat is rad as hell. This is the mood I think of when I think of Lil Uzi’s music. More of this, less Pretty Mami.

4/5

13) X:

Metro Boomin and Pierre Bourne co-producing a Lil Uzi Vert track? I’m in clout heaven. Somebody fetch me a pair of those dumbass glasses that every future dead kid wears while they nod out on xanax. You know the ones? The Fallout 4 fancy lady joints. Thanks. Okay this song is golden and I will defend it no matter what the hell happens with the next two tracks. I’m doin all of Uzi’s dances as best I can to this, eating gummy bears, feelin cute.

5/5

14) Malfunction:

               In the first verse on this dreamy lil song Uzi says “ALL MY GIRLS DRESS LIKE THEY WORK AT HOOTERS” like it’s a good thing. If I’m worth millions of dollars, my many, many girlfriends would all be dressed in differently themed designer garb: One goth model with diamond encrusted tears, one pioneer thot with a golden pitchfork, a pair of ghost women wearing spooky Red Bottoms, etc. Let’s have some showmanship, please. This song is good though, the last ¼ of this album is picking it up.

4/5

15) Dark Queen:

Dark Queen is my favourite race in World Of Warcraft, so I’m stoked on this. The song is all about his relationship with his mother, and how it relates with his relationship with the music business instead of sick raids and fuckin uhhhhhhhh killin monsters? Idk I never played WoW I was too busy playing other videogames u fuckin dorks.

3.5/5

16) XO TOUR LIF3:

               *Crying* SHE SAID BABY I AM NOT AFRAID TO - *still crying* DIE! I forgot this song was on the album. Wow, what a fuckin banger. I want whoever reads this to make sure the lyrics to this song are etched into my gravestone (if I somehow don’t end up buried in an unmarked grave by a jilted lover and her new, tougher boyfriend) Ugh this goes so fuckin hard. This is one of the only songs that, if you have it as your ringtone and it goes off really loudly while we’re sitting next to each other on the C-Train, won’t earn you a dirty look and a subtweet. I want to celebrate the sadness in this song. You did it, Lil Uzi.

5/5

 FINAL SCORE: 7.8/10

This shit had some up and down moments, I’m not gonna lie. But, the good outweighed the bad. I hope Uzi finds the help he needs before his hair gets any more neon than it already is. We believe in you, lil fella.