#like I’d be shocked if she weren’t the one playing it on the album although I don’t know if the production credits are out for it

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Not to be a greedy gremlin but I want the Peter demo so badly because I also suspect it’s pretty much as is and that she composed it too because it sounds so much like her playing on the album and I know it would punch me in the gut

[storiesforallfandoms]

not yours ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2104

request?: yes!

“Hi. Could you please do a Colson Baker imagine where Casie has something important going on at school and only the reader is there to cheer her on without Colson which causes Casie to get upset and immediately lock herself in her room crying when they get home. When Colson finally gets home, reader confronts him and he says something hurtful like “she’s my kid, not yours so back off” and maybe the reader has been apart of Casie’s life for years and loves her like her own so it hurts even more”

description: after he misses his daughter’s big opening night, colson says some hurtful things to the woman he loves, and has to be brought back down to earth by his eleven year old daughter

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst

masterlist

Casie was so excited to tell Colson and I that she had gotten a big role in the school play. Colson was excited, too. Casie was always more into sports than the arts, so it was a surprise to even hear that she had auditioned for the play, let alone that she had gotten a big role.

Colson vowed that he would be there no matter what. He even bought the two of us front row tickets to see it. He was beyond excited, and so proud of his baby girl.

But then, the night of the play came along and he received an important phone call from his record label. They wanted to have a meeting as soon as possible about his new album. He tried to push the meeting to another day, even just to the day after, but his label was adamant about having the meeting that evening, just an hour before the play.

“I’ll be quick,” Colson told me. “I’ll go in, pitch them the album, then leave. Worse case scenario, I miss maybe the first scene. You can fill me in.”

“Are you going to tell Casie?” I asked him as I watched him frantically prepare for his last minute meeting.

“No,” he decided. “She doesn’t need to know. I’ve spent a vast majority of her life on the road, I’ve missed so much, I don’t want her to think I’m putting my career over her again.”

“You’ve never done that,” I assured him, “but you should tell her just in case. Wouldn’t it be better if she knew, in case you’re late?”

Colson shook his head. This wasn’t exactly a surprise to me. I knew Colson was stubborn, and he was so devoted to Casie. I decided to take him at his word - he wouldn’t be long, he’d be there for Casie. He left for his meeting, promising again that he’d be to the play just in time for the opening of the play.

So, when I found myself sat in the front row, alone, just minutes before the play was supposed to start, and I was unable to get a hold of Colson, I wasn’t too surprised. I was worried for what Casie would say or think, but I wasn’t surprised that I couldn’t reach him.

When the lights went down, I tried one more time to reach him, but was sent straight to voicemail. I sighed heavily and put my phone on silent and slipped it into my pocket.

My heart broke to see that Casie was taking the stage right away as the play started. I watched her scan the audience, excitedly looking for Colson. When her eyes landed on me, I tried my best to smile and wave at her. I could see the hurt in her face to see the seat next to me empty. I wished I could do something more, but I knew this was it. I just had to be here for her, and hope that Colson would show up eventually.

When the show ended, I stood by the door that lead to backstage to wait for Casie to come out. I was the last person waiting when the door pushed open and the tear stained face of the eleven year old poked out from the door and looked up at me.

“He couldn’t even come to this?” she asked, her voice still shaking.

I opened my arms and hugged her tightly. She buried her head in my chest and I felt her body shaking as she cried. I wished I could make some sort of excuse for Colson to try and make things right, but even I was angry with him in that moment. I knew his career was important, but he was always saying how he never wanted to make Casie feel like she was second, and that’s exactly what he did when he missed her play.

The two of us drove home in silence. The minute I unlocked the door, Casie took off for her room. I heard her door close and the sound of her lock turning. I sighed and tried to call Colson again. Yet again, I got his voicemail.

“Hey,” I said, trying to keep my voice sounding calm, “so you missed Casie’s play. She’s really beat up over it. She locked herself in her room and is crying. You’re gonna have to do something huge to make this up to her. Hope you’ll be home soon.”

About half an hour passed when I heard the front door open and shut again. I was sat on the couch watching Netflix when Colson appeared in the doorway, a look of guilt on his face.

“She’s in her room,” I told him, not taking my eyes away from the screen. “Although good luck getting in. She wouldn’t even let me in.”

“I feel like complete shit,” Colson sighed. “I kept trying to leave, but they kept asking me questions. And Diddy was there, and I didn’t want to leave a bad impression on him - ”

“It’s not me you have to explain to,” I cut him off, pausing my show and rising from the couch. “Colson, you really broke her heart tonight. She’s been crying since the show ended.”

“I know I did,” Colson said. “I didn’t mean to. I meant to be there.”

“Then you should’ve been,” I snapped, my anger starting to rise. “I know that this next album is important to you, and I know it’s hard to try and turn down the record label, but you could’ve tried harder to move it just this once. Or you could’ve talked to Casie about it instead of hiding this from her. She was crushed, Colson, you should’ve seen her.”

“Yeah, this album is important, (Y/N). I can’t just blow off my record label, they have the power to completely tank my album or put it in development limbo. This meeting was important, I couldn’t pass it up.”

“Your daughter is supposed to be important, Colson!”

“She’s my daughter, (Y/N), not yours! Don’t tell me how to fucking parent!”

Hearing Colson raise his voice caused me to back down just a little, but the inclusion of Casie not being my child, or the implication that not even Colson viewed her as my child, felt like a knife through my heart.

Colson and I had been together for so long and, even though we still weren’t married, I considered Casie my own child, and she considered me a second mother. Colson had always said how happy he was that the two of us got along, and wanted nothing more than for his two favorite girls to like each other. He knew how much it would hurt to say that, and he said it anyways. He wanted to hurt me, just because I was telling the truth.

I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes and got close to Colson, so close that I could’ve gotten into his face if I wasn’t a solid foot shorter than him. “Then be a fucking parent and go talk to your daughter, asshole.”

I brushed past him and hurried up the stairs. I heard his footsteps following me and managed to slam the bedroom door shut and lock it behind me before he could get in.

“Don’t be childish, (Y/N), let me in!” he called.

“No,” I responded. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

I grabbed a bag and began throwing clothes into it. I had no plans as to where I was going, but I officially didn’t want to be in the house with him anymore.

When I opened the door again, Colson looked from my angry face to the bag in my hand. “Where are you going?”

“Somewhere far away from here,” I said as I pushed him away from me and made a beeline to the door. I couldn’t stop, or else I knew I’d turn around and stay. “Go talk to your daughter before you lose her for good, although right now, you fucking deserve that.”

And with that, I slammed the front door behind me as I left.

~~~~~~

I didn’t know where to go. Truthfully, I didn’t want to go anywhere. Not to stay for a long period of time. I just knew I didn’t want to be there with Colson anymore. What he said had really hurt, and he knew that it was going to. The fact that he still said it absolutely broke me.

I decided to park my car for a while by a beach. I was sat back in my seat, watching the waves crash against the sand, when my phone began to ring. I wasn’t shocked to see Colson’s name pop up, and I debated on not answering it. But part of me wanted to hear what he had to said, wanted to defend my actions and my decision to leave if he decided to fight over it.

I answered and put the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hey,” came Colson’s voice. It was much softer than earlier, and I could hear the guilt in it. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m parked by a beach,” I admitted. “Just...needed to go somewhere to think.”

I heard him sigh with relief. “Okay, as long as you’re okay. Are you...are you coming back tonight? I think we need to talk about what I said.”

I thought long and hard about the answer to that question before deciding, “Yeah, I’ll be home soon.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

We both hung up and I sighed. I started the car and drove back to the all too familiar house. I decided to leave my bag in the car, in case things went wrong with mine and Colson’s “talk”.

He was waiting for me in the living room, an ironic turn of events. Except Colson wasn’t watching TV. His leg was bouncing, anxiously, undoubtedly waiting for me to come home. The minute I walked through the door, he stood up.

“I’m so sorry for what I said,” he said immediately, starting to approach me but then becoming hesitant. “I didn’t mean it at all, I hope you know that.”

I crossed my arms. “Which part?”

“All of it. Saying Casie isn’t your daughter, that you shouldn’t tell me how to parent, calling you childish. You were right, (Y/N), I should’ve pushed harder to postpone the meeting, and if they kept fighting I should’ve just cancelled it. The album can be postponed, but I can’t miss anymore of Casie’s milestones.”

I looked down at my feet, blinking away tears again as Colson’s words came to my mind. “I know she’s not actually my daughter, but she feels so much like she is now that...you saying that really hurt. It made me feel like I’ll never be a mother figure to Casie, or that I’m not allowed to be because I’m not her actual mom.”

“No, baby.” This time Colson didn’t hesitate to approach me and wrap me in his arms. “No, that’s not true at all. Casie loves you like you were her mom, and I know you love her like a daughter. I was upset when I said what I said, it wasn’t right for me to take it out on you like that. You were right to call me out like that, I’m sorry I upset you.”

I rested my head against his chest and let him hold me for a long time. Tears were still streaming down my face, but I didn’t feel as upset anymore. Just being there with him, and hearing the sincerity in his voice as he apologized, was enough to bring me out of my down mood.

“Did you talk to Casie?” I asked him after a prolonged moment of silence.

“I did,” he said. “She was the one who convinced me to call you. She also pointed out how stupid I was being and told me that if I let you get away that she’d steal the car and come get you herself.”

I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped my mouth. Colson’s chest vibrated against my ear as he laughed as well.

“She’s still mad with me, but she deserves to be,” he continued. “It’ll take some time, but she told me I’ll be able to fix my fuck up eventually.”

“She won’t stay mad at you for long,” I told him. “She loves you more than anything.”

“I know, I love her, too. And I love you.”

I smiled up at him. “I love you, too, Colson.”

[mattzerella-sticks]

Caught (a 9-1-1 fic post-s3 finale)

Photobooths are prime for catching special moments and making them last forever, even if they are less both and more open spaces with a backdrop. When Athena, Bobby, and Michael stumble upon one such moment between Buck and Eddie, what will they do?

And how will it affect Maddie and Chimney?

T, 3.7k, Athena/Bobby, Buck/Eddie, Maddie/Chimney

           Athena finds operating a laptop with only one hand maddening. Typing up an e-mail takes double the time, she needs breaks when shopping online, and scrolling through social media becomes dangerous when she accidentally likes pictures she didn’t mean to. If she had her choice, Athena would be on her phone. But the hired photographer from May’s party e-mailed the pictures from the photo booth, both Bobby and Michael nearby when her phone pinged. Instead of having her husband and ex-husband crowded at her shoulders, Athena pokes her password into the given space while the men gather snacks. When she finally has the first picture loaded, Bobby places the bowl of popcorn by her sling and Michael hands off a soda.

           “I think we’ve never looked better Bobby,” Michael laughs, pointing at the screen.

           Athena snickers into her drink, studying the picture. Bobby’s jaw dropped in a faux yell; guitar hugged tightly against his chest. Fingers hooked as if he were playing something. Michael’s expression mirrored his except the tinsel wig on his head making it immensely funnier. “Don’t you be trying to steal my man from me, Michael,” she warns, attempting severity, “You already got a doctor eating out of your hand.”

           “Okay you two,” Bobby settles his arm across Athena’s chair, chuckling, “we’ll never get through these if you two are bickering. Athena, click onto the next picture?”

           They kill the next half-hour like that, pausing every so often to laugh at a few pictures. Like Maddie with May, the two women back-to-back and imitating an old spy poster. Or Chimney and Hen battling with the inflatable guitars like they were axes. Although not every picture was funny. Michael and Athena thought May and her boyfriend gravitated closer than necessary for a simple photo. And Athena needed a moment, collecting herself from the sheer adorableness of Buck and Christopher’s faces pressed cheek-to-cheek.

           The next few pictures included Buck as well, except Christopher’s father joined in the fun in his son’s place. Eddie sipping a drink while Buck played the guitar. Him raising a leg mid-kick while Buck locked eyes with the camera. Smoking on a corncob pipe as Buck runs wild behind him. Flexing, playing the guitar, and jumping. One picture had half of his face cut off.

           Buck must have landed closer, because Athena clicked on and they occupied the same breadth of space. Eddie, non-plussed, while the younger man messed with him. Grinning, swinging beads in his face. Then wincing when it struck the soft spot between his brows. Brushing gently over his nose in a cursory inspection, too close. Followed by –

           “Oh, my,” Athena gasped, hand over her mouth. She felt Bobby tense at her side and Michel mutter a curse under breath.

           The photographer, with perfect timing, captured the briefest of pecks. Buck’s lips on Eddie’s, both puckered. Expectant. None of them can decipher who initiated the embrace. Only that it happened and there was no mistaking the intention

           “Well I’ll be damned,” Michael says, “this is…”

           Athena glances at her husband, “Did you know about this?”

           Bobby shakes out of his stupor, turning to her. “No, I… I had no idea,” he says, “I mean, they’re close but I always thought it was more like… brothers?”

           Michael snorts, drawing Athena’s attention. “Do you have anything to add?”

           His mouth thins, and he inches back. “No, I’m as shocked as you both are… A little intrigued… and embarrassed I didn’t notice those boys swung on my team before… But shock is at the forefront.”

           She sighs, sagging in her seat. Her finger scrolls onto the next arrow except she cannot continue. Athena finds herself staring at the picture again. “What should we do?”

           Bobby hums and squeezes her shoulder. “We can pretend this didn’t happen and let them come to us in their own time?” He nods at the screen, “For the first month at least. If they don’t say something past then, I will have to bring it up anyway seeing as fraternization between coworkers requires tons of paperwork.”

           “Okay, then I guess we keep this to ourselves until they own up on their own,” she says, moving on, “or you need evidence if they try and deny it altogether.”

           “Always thinking like a cop,” Michael laughs, nudging her, “you’ll be back on the streets soon enough.”

           “We’ll see.” She finally clicks onto the next picture, another Eddie and Buck. More bashful and with ruddy cheeks. If there were any confusion about the prior scene, this added the final layer of context. “They do make an adorable couple.”

           “And a hot couple…”

           Athena elbows Michael with her good arm, scowling. “Hush up. Think about your doctor.”

           The mood returns, not at the same level it was before the discovery but there the same. They finish viewing the album and then spend more time dividing it. Creating folders for their friends and family so they can have their pictures. Athena finds the kissing scene again and immediately puts it, and the accompanying aftermath shot, in its own folder. She forgets it when they start compressing the files for ease of sending.

           Unfortunately, when attaching Buck’s pictures to the e-mail, his zip file contains two folders.

                                      -----------------------------------------

           Buck find Eddie in the kitchen, pouring milk into two bowls of cereal. His heart skips a beat at the scene of pure domesticity. The way sunlight streams through the thin curtains and makes Eddie glow in its beams. Makes him look more irresistible than he already is. He tugs his shirt down over his chest and walks over, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s chest. “Breakfast? Really?”

           “What – not a fan of Fruit Loops?”

           “I love Fruit Loops,” Buck chuckles, kissing at the bruise on Eddie’s neck he made earlier. “But I don’t know if three o’clock is the perfect time for them.” Still, he takes the bowl from off the counter and opens a nearby drawer.

           Eddie grabs spoons for them both. “Breakfast isn’t a meal… it’s a state of mind. It’s the first thing you eat when you get out of bed. And since we haven’t left the bed since now…”

           “We could’ve left earlier,” Buck reminds him, “If you weren’t so damn horny.”

           “I wasn’t the one practically crying for dick in my ass –“

           “Hey, hey!” Buck cuts him off, cheeks burning hotter the longer Eddie laughs. “I wasn’t crying, I was… heavily suggesting.”

           “Sure…”

           He scowls, sticking his spoon in Eddie’s bowl and stealing a bite. “If you didn’t want a second round, all you had to do was say so. But don’t go complaining because I was making sure you were having a great time while Christopher’s at camp.”

           “Oh, no,” Eddie shakes his head, grimacing, “please don’t quote my son’s card while we’re talking about sex.”

           “You started it,” Buck smirks, pointing with his spoon. “Your fault if you can’t handle the heat.”

           Eddie shoves at him, jostling the milk and spilling some onto his shirt. A soggy Fruit Loop dove from his bowl and landed on his foot, near his big toe. Buck retaliates with a push of his own, although Eddie catches his wrist and drags him into a kiss that makes him forget about the milk stain, dropped Fruit Loop, and Eddie’s teasing.

           They break for air, foreheads pressed against each other. “We should really be eating.”

           “Yeah.”

           It’s another five minutes standing there. Balancing bowls of cereal and trading kisses. When they finish, Eddie guides Buck into the living room. They cuddle on the sofa, Buck crossing his legs under him and flicking the television on. Flipping through channels until he finds a cartoon he likes. Halfway through the SpongeBob episode, he feels a heavy stare. Buck turns, cheeks stuffed with cereal, to find Eddie watching with a small grin. “What?”

           “Maybe I should have sent you to camp alongside Chris,” Eddie says, “that way you could have had fun with all the other kids.”

           He swallows, glaring. “Shut up…” Eddie leans forward and brushes his lips across Buck’s cheeks, halting any further protest. Unwilling to let Eddie win, however, Buck redirects his attention elsewhere. Namely his blinking cell phone, resting on the coffee table since last night. Buck must have forgotten it sometime between Eddie kissing him and Eddie carrying him out with Buck’s legs around Eddie’s waist.

           Buck opens it, wincing at the number of messages.

           Eddie peers over his shoulder, spoon in his mouth. “Popular?”

           “Something like that…” He scrolls through the notifications. At the tagged pictures on Instagram and the missed calls, choosing his texts first. Sees five from Chimney asking about where his is and if he can come over. Then twenty from Maddie progressively growing angrier the longer Buck didn’t respond. Buck types back on the last message. Answers her ‘Buck I am not kidding you better answer me asap we need to talk’ sent at one-twenty-three with a ‘Sorry b there soon’ at three-thirteen. “I gotta go to Maddie’s…”

           “What for?”

           Buck scans through the texts again, shrugging. “Doesn’t say. But it must be important if both her and Chim were on my case.”

           Eddie knocks shoulders with Buck. “Want me to tag along?”

           “I’d appreciate it,” Buck tells him, “but if we’re supposed to keep this low-profile, I doubt showing up together will help.”

           “But we always show up together,” he argues.

           “Not after having fantastic sex.”

           “You’re right,” Eddie concedes, thoughtful expression transforming into one more devious. His fingers tickle Buck’s thigh before he squeezes Buck’s cock. “I’d rather show up after mind-blowing sex.”

           “Eddie, you’re killing me,” Buck whines, “I’m too tired.” Except he lays his bowl on the table alongside Eddie’s and happily relaxes onto the couch. Lying underneath the other man while he licks at his collar bone. Buck giggles while his friend’s stubble rubs against his skin. Absentmindedly Buck looks at his phone, scrolling through more apps. He opens his e-mail and sees the message from Athena labelled: ‘May’s Graduation Party Photos’. “Hey Eddie, the photos from May’s party are here.”

           “What?” Eddie asks, rising momentarily for air.

           “Pictures!”

           “Another time, Bucky…” he presses a sloppy kiss at his jaw, smirking. Toying with Buck’s shirt. “Be with me now.”

           “Let me take a quick look.” Buck ignores Eddie’s pleading, opening it. Downloads the file and clicks the icon, switching apps. He opens the first folder, a photo of Buck and Maddie greeting him. “Oh, these came out nicely…”

           Eddie continues dropping kisses on different points of his body while Buck scrolls through each picture. “Really, Buck,” he gasps after sucking a mark onto Buck’s hip. A feat that usually leaves him panting, sweaty, and writhing in Eddie’s embrace. ��Can’t this wait? Feeling unappreciated…”

           Buck threads his hand through Eddie’s hair, patting it. “Almost done,” he tells Eddie, “There’s another file here… looks like it’s only two –“ He cuts off, eyes widening.

           Startled, Eddie raises a brow at him. “Buck? You okay?” Nothing. Eddie crawls up and forces Buck’s gaze away from the phone and towards him, tilting at his jaw. “Speak to me. What is it?”

           He cannot speak. So he shows Eddie his phone, watching the blown pupils retract as the mood shifts.

           It’s a photo from the party, one they hadn’t realized was captured. Their first kiss. When Buck was so overwhelmed with happiness and warmth and, staring at Eddie, crossed the divide without thought. A quick peck that left them stuttering and blushing and unsure where they stood. Buck ran away, not waiting for Eddie. Moving until the other man dragged him into an empty room to explain himself.

           Buck had nothing. No reason why he kissed Eddie except that it felt right. Which he proved by pressing him against the wall and kissing him again. Eddie answered in kind, flipping him around and hauling his leg up. Thumb brushing his kneecap.

           They broke, muted sounds of the party filtered through the door. Eddie cleared his throat, “We still need to talk about this.”

           “Definitely…”

           Both men said their goodbyes, five minutes after the other. Promises that when Christopher left for camp, they would restart their conversation. Eddie drove straight over, card still in hand when he knocked on Buck’s door.

           Buck hung it on the fridge before they tripped up the stairs in hurried excitement, shedding clothes and tumbling on the bed.

           Talking came after the sex.

           “What do you think it means?” Buck asks, “Why would Athena send this?”

           Eddie shrugs, mouth flapping worriedly. “I don’t know,” he finally says, “Maybe she… maybe she sent without looking?”

           Buck rolls his eyes. “Karen and Hen had their photos taken but I don’t have any of theirs. She definitely saw this.” His mind works double time, connecting loose threads into a makeshift sweater. “Wait,” he says, pushing Eddie off him and onto his knees. “Wait, hold on… do you think this is what those texts were about?”

           “Texts? What texts?”

           “Chim and Maddie,” he reminds Eddie, “the urgent texts that – that didn’t mention what made them so damn urgent. Do you think… Athena sent this photo to them, too? To Hen? Everybody?”

           Eddie sighs and runs his hands up and down Buck’s shoulders, added warmth like a candle fighting an iceberg. “Athena wouldn’t do that,” he says, “I’m sure this was nothing. Maybe even a… a simple way of letting us know she knows and she supports us?”

           “Still…”

           As if seeing the smoke billowing out his ears, Eddie stands and offers a hand. “Come on.” Buck squints up at him, curious. “You think Maddie and Chimney know about us. You won’t know by sitting here spinning out. When we get there, we can see what they have to say.”

           Buck fights his smile, but a tiny smirk still appears. “We?” he asks.

           “Yes, we,” Eddie tells him, “So let’s move. I think I have a shirt that’ll fit, but it might be a little short?”

           “What about my clothes from yesterday?”

           “Please,” Eddie matches his smirk, “we’re not sure if they know about us. Why make it obvious by doing that.” Most of the tension from moments ago disappears with their laughter, Eddie ridding him of the rest by hauling Buck into a tender kiss. “Hurry,” he whispers, “because if we stay here any longer, I won’t want to leave the house until tomorrow.”

           “Tempting…” Buck pushes off, smiling. “Very tempting, but I already promised Maddie. She’s mad enough at me as it is.” Eddie tries catching his wrist one more time but Buck, aware of this trick, dodges at the last second and bounces off. The other man chases with great speed.

           The playfulness helps distract Buck from the impending appointment with his sister and their friend. And leaves him grateful that he and Eddie crossed over in their relationship, onto the next level. Into what it was always meant to be, what it kept building towards over the years. Abby’s return the final push giving Buck the clarity he needed in understanding his feelings.

           When the hurt finally stopped, the loneliness he expected to follow didn’t. Because Buck had his sister. The one-eighteen. Christopher and Eddie.

           Especially Eddie. Especially when his lips tickle his neck, and delays them further.

                                     -----------------------------------------

           Maddie paces the floor, chewing on a bite of pickle. “What’s taking him so long?” she asks Chimney, her boyfriend watching from a nearby couch. “I swear, if he isn’t in this room in the next five minutes…”

           Chimney stands, walking towards her. “I’m sure he has his reasons,” he tells her, “he didn’t answer his phone until – what? Three? Maybe he was busy.”

           “Too busy to answer a text?” She pokes his chest, huffing. “Too busy to get his ass over here and learn that he’s about to be an uncle?”

           “Well, you didn’t tell him he was going to be an uncle in the text so he probably didn’t think it was that urgent.”

           She glares, readying another onslaught. Luckily for Chimney they hear the buzzer for his apartment ring. Maddie shoves the rest of the pickle in her mouth, nodding at the door. “Let them in and bring them into the dining room.”

           “Anything else, my queen?”

           Maddie ignores him, setting at the table with her hands folded. Listens while Chimney speaks into the intercom and lets Buck up. In the minutes between that and Buck arriving, she thinks. About what it felt like seeing both plus signs appear on the pregnancy tests and the cocktail of emotions erupting within like a volcano. Happiness and excitement, but also fear. Worry over whether she was ready, or if she would be a good parent. Memories of her own childhood flooded and distracted Maddie until she broke free from their chains and realized Chimney spoke to her in the living room.

           He tried, but in the days that followed Maddie’s party her nerves only shredded further. She needed her brother. And when Maddie mustered the strength and reached out, he kept her waiting.

           Anger won out when she laid eyes on him, incised further when she notices Eddie. “Is that why you weren’t answering me? Too busy ‘hanging out’?” The exaggerated quotes make Buck flinch in a way he hadn’t in years. Not since he was a little kid. And she finds herself back in Hershey once more. And Maddie’s doubt in her skill doubles.

           “Sorry Maddie,” he says, stepping into the dining room, “time just got away from us and… we came as fast as we could?”

           She glances between them, both men with reticent expressions. As quickly as it arrived, the fire inside fizzled into embers. “I’m sorry,” she says, kneading at her temple, “I’ve just been… a little stressed.”

           “Stressed, why?”

           Chimney answers, “Because of recent developments. Recent developments that we wanted to speak to you about.” He glances at Eddie, frowning. “Eddie…”

           Eddie points at the living room, shrugging. “I can wait in there while you talk –“

           “No,” Maddie stops him, “no you can join.” She looks at Chimney, smiling. “I don’t see why he shouldn’t be here, right?”

           “I guess.”

           Buck and Eddie share a cryptid look, slowly sitting across from Maddie and Chimney. Her brother fidgets, tugging on his fingers in the nervous way he would when mom or dad lectured him after landing in trouble. Although why he did it now, Maddie was unsure of. She reached across and grabbed his hand, waiting for when their eyes met to speak. “There’s something we need to tell you.”

           His brows scrunch up, “Yeah… I get that.”

           “It’s about,” Maddie searches for an entry point, unsure where she should start. “Well… you know at May’s party?” He tenses in his seat. “How we left a little early? That’s because Chimney noticed something and I – I put things together, and we had to go –“

           “Maddie I can explain –“

           “Because all these signs added up and,” Maddie stops, blinking. She pulls away from Buck, “What?”            Buck stares at the table, shoulders hunched high. “Look, I was going to tell you but, well, we know what would’ve happened if this came out so soon after Abby showed up. And the party was the worst place if we wanted to keep this secret, I didn’t mean for it to happen there it just did! We thought it was better to take it at our own pace and – and let people in when we were ready, y’know?”

           “Slow down Evan,” Maddie grabs his hands again. Squeezes until he gives her the floor. “What are you talking about?”

           He pouts. “I was… you brought me here because you and Chimney saw us, right? At the photo booth?”

           “No,” she says, “I wanted you here because I found out I’m pregnant.” Buck chokes, seizing under her grip. “But what are you talking about? Us? You and who else… and why should it involve Abby?”

           “You’re pregnant?” he asks, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Buck tries closing his mouth but he cannot force his jaw shut. “I’m… I’m gonna be an uncle?”

           “Yes, Buck, you are,” Chimney adds, leaning over the table. “But can we go back? What happened at the photo booth?”

           Maddie studies her brother slowly shed his shock. Replaced with cheeks redder than his birthmark, failing at subtlety when glancing at Eddie. Eddie hides his face, Maddie imagining it in a similar state. With nothing there, her attention drifts and latches onto the first clue she finds.

           A circular bruise on his neck near his collarbone. There’s no mistaking what it was.

           “Oh my God,” she says, “Oh my God!”

           Chimney sighs, “What? What is it!”

           “Buck. You and Eddie?”

           “Buck and Eddie – oh,” He sees them in new light, understanding dawning. “Oh my God, you two are dating!”

           Eddie reveals his own ruddy cheeks, hands switching tactics from shielding to squeezing Buck’s shoulder. “And you thought they knew!”

           “I, I – uh…” Buck splutters, cornered. He points at Maddie, “You’re pregnant! I think that’s more important!”

           “But you and Eddie,” she insists, “you and Eddie!” Maddie laughs, stress from the past few days seeping out of her. “I can’t believe – you and Eddie!”

           “Yeah, yeah, me and Eddie…” Buck slumps into his seat, glaring. Clearly uncomfortable with the attention.

           She sees where his thoughts drift, though, and tosses a lifeline. “I think it’s great, Evan,” Maddie says. Waits for when their gazes lock again. “Really.”

           His stiffness eases the longer they stay like that, until a gooey smile spreads across his face. “Talking about great things,” Buck says, gesturing at her and Chimney, “a baby? You’ll be a mother and – and you have to tell me how it happened.”

           “I think you know how it happened, Buck,” Chimney chuckles, “Plus, I think we should be asking that of you two.”

           Eddie rolls his eyes, slinging his arm over Buck’s shoulders and pulling him closer. Buck instinctively leaning into Eddie’s side. Maddie pauses, stunned by how well they fit together. Hindsight makes everything obvious but she should have seen this coming. “We can compare stories,” Eddie says, “but since baby trumps new relationship, you two can start.”

           Maddie nods, sliding one hand free from Buck’s hold and to Chimney’s. Tangling their fingers together. Uniting their family as they take their next steps into unfamiliar territory. Maddie expects the next nine months will be difficult and taxing. Not only with the baby but working while pregnant and then planning what comes after.

           With her family at her side, Maddie feels confident in handling whatever challenge comes her way.

[padfootagain]

Girl Crush (XXVI)

Chapter 26: Poppy Dream

Here we go with a new chapter!! I hope you like it!! Not gonna lie… there's a tid bit of angst in that one… I hope you don't hate me too much by the end of it though (better hope so cause it will get worse…)

I am also coming close to the end now… I reckon that I have… 5, maybe 6 chapters left, something like that. Thank you to all of you who have stayed throughout the whole thing!

WARNING for mentions of soft drugs in this chapter (Harry took mushrooms when he wrote fine line, apparently, and I used this idea here, but there is no mention of addiction or anything shocking. He’s just being an idiot, as usual.)

Word Count: 3745

Living with Gareth was great.

Lots of cuddles, and him being sweet and stealing kisses. He cooked almost every day, and you had a nice system of chores that kept both of you equally busy with the nasty tasks to do. It was smooth, and easy. It felt safe.

A little boring, you had to admit. It wasn't... exciting. You were happy to find him home when you walked inside the apartment you shared, but you didn't want to just rush to him either.  You weren't eager to leave work to join him. Why not though? He was great...

After almost two months of living together, you would have expected to be more ecstatic at the idea of living with him. You blamed the fact that you had spent so many years living on your own, and it felt strange to share your daily life with someone now. You knew that it wasn't the only reason though.

But overall, you were happy, and it was nice to have him around. Your only real problem with your new home was that Harry didn't drop by unannounced anymore. He used to do it all the time before. If you were free for an evening and he knew so? You were certain that he would be on your doorstep with some take-out and a bottle of wine before 9pm.

You understood, of course. He was coming to spend time with you, not both you and Gareth, and things were different now that you didn't live alone anymore. You also reckoned that it would be a little like intruding, from his end. It didn't change the fact that you missed those evenings with him like crazy.

Which was why you were now standing on his doorstep, a bag full of Chinese food in your hand right after you had knocked a couple of times. He opened the door, looking dishevelled and wrapped in comfy clothes that made you want to snuggle into his side and stay there, tugged into his chest, for the rest of the night...

…or maybe forever.

"Y/N?" he asked with a frown, and a little bit of panic shining in his green eyes. "You're alright? What are you doing here?"

You shrugged in response.

"I'm fine. Just thought I'd drop by."

"Did you and Gareth have a fight?"

"No. I'm fine. I just wanted to spend some time with you. I brought Chinese!"

"Oh... huh..."

"H? Who is it?

Before you could process what was happening, a woman was appearing in the doorway. She was wearing one of Harry's jumpers. You noticed that it wasn't one of those you used when you came to his house though. It seemed like a new TPWK sweater.

"Hi..." she faked a smile, coming closer and placing a hand on Harry's arm, as if to show who he belonged to. "Sorry, you are...?"

You finally shook yourself, and offered her your open hand and a bright smile.

"Hi! I'm Y/N. I'm Harry's friend. Sorry to interrupt, I didn't know he had company, and I was passing by, so I thought I'd drop by. But... you're clearly occupied so... I'll leave you to it. Behave, huh?" You added jokingly, waving your finger at Harry.

"I see... I'm Gloria," she shook your hand, but her smile was toxic to say the least. "A friend... I see... you often drop by?"

"I wouldn't say often but..." you offered her another smile, and cleared the air before any misconception could be settled, and Harry would get to argue with his new girlfriend because of a quid pro quo. "Since I've moved in with my boyfriend a couple of months ago, I and Harry haven't spent much time together, so..."

Gloria seemed to immediately relax, and her next smile was earnest.

"Oh, I see! You want to come in then? I'd love to know more about you! I'm sure you can tell me so many stories about H!"

But Harry gave you the smallest shake of his head, and you got the message loud and clear.

"No, no, no! I'm not gonna intrude. Let's plan a dinner or something like that instead! That will be much better. Good night then, lovebirds!"

"Good night, Y/N! It was nice meeting you!"

You gave the couple a little wave, and turned to walk back to your car, when Harry's voice stopped you in your tracks.

"Y/N?"

You turned around, unable to resist his call.

He seemed a little out of breath, you noticed. A little sad too. Maybe even a little disappointed or tortured. As if he tried to resist the urge to do something.

You couldn't know that he was resisting his urge to send Gloria away, and close the distance between you and him in a rush and kiss you under the lamppost before his house. He wondered what you tasted like... he wondered so more and more often these days, and his longing for you seemed more and more difficult to control.

He did resist though. Instead, he looked at you with desperate eyes.

"Still renovating your shop on Sunday?"

You offered him a smile, but he could have sworn it wasn't an earnest one. He could read sadness in your eyes as they shone under the yellowish streetlights.

"Sure! If you can spare the time."

"For you? Always."

"Well then... I guess... see you on Sunday!"

He nodded, unable to look away.

"See you on Sunday."

I love you was on the tip of his tongue once more, but he bit his cheek instead, until the pain made the words disappear.

You climbed in your car, aware of Harry's presence still on his doorstep. You drove off without a look back at him. You knew he was looking at you as you drove down the street, and you didn't find in you the strength to see him like this: walking further from his door and into the street so he could keep on looking at your car, in his old black jumper and his hair held into a tiny bump on the top of his head with one of the elastic bands you had forgotten long ago in his bathroom, his arms crossed before his chest,  until you disappeared for good around the corner.

A couple of streets away though, you pulled over, and threw your food in a bin. You felt sick now, instead of hungry.

You climbed back into your car, resting your hands on the wheel and your head against the back of your seat. Up above, stars glimmered above L.A, undying fireflies that came back to haunt the same pieces of the sky every night. The nearby lamppost shed yellow hues in your vehicle, bathing your hands in the electric light.

It could have been a nice night, you reckoned. If only...

You didn't react when your phone let out a whistling sound. You didn't need to check the screen to know it was Harry. He would be asking something along the lines of:

Hey! Let me know when you're home, please? It's quite late already. Just want to make sure you're home safe. See you Sunday. H x

 Because he was the kind of idiot who always signed his texts, and you were the kind of moron who secretly found it cute although you acted like it was annoying. And he was the kind of idiot who always worried about you when you drove at night, even if it wasn't that late yet. He just... always asked for you to reassure him that you were safe. And he was the kind of idiot who played it cool and blamed your lack of skills behind a wheel to hide the fact that he simply was always worried about you. And you were the kind of moron who still believed his lies about it.

And he was the kind of idiot who tried to forget his love for you in the arms of someone else. And you were the kind of moron who chose to push away the real reason for why you were on the verge of tears now as you sat motionless in your car, in the empty Californian street at 9pm. It was easier to blame it on how tired you were these days, than admit that your life was not getting in the direction you wanted it to go, and that every day you wished you wouldn't walk even further away from what you truly wanted...

... or rather whom.

"Wait! What do you mean you're at the HOSPITAL?!"

"Can you like… not shout?"

You took a couple of very deep breaths, trying to calm down, but so far doing a terrible job at it.

"Mitch, can you please tell me again where you are and why? Please?" you asked in a lower voice, although your voice was everything but calm.

"We're at the ER, Harry bit off his tongue."

"HOW…?!"

You took another deep breath, noticing the people in the grocery store looking at you.

"How on Earth did he bit his tongue hard enough for you to need to go to the ER?" you asked, your voice shaky.

"We were high. He jumped off the window."

"High?"

"Yeah… mushrooms."

You heaved a tired sigh, burying your face in your hand. You knew that Harry had been 'experimenting' - as he liked to call it – while writing his new album. He said it helped him get out of his own head, relieve the pressure. You reckoned that as long as he was taking drugs because he wanted to escape reality, or as long as he didn't get a sense of need for it, then it was quite unharmful.

At least, you thought so.

"Could you come and pick us up? Sarah's not answering her phone, and I can't drive."

"How did you get there?"

"I called an ambulance. He was bleeding like crazy!"

"Are you high too?"

"A little. Less than him though. Still, can't drive."

"I'm coming. Don't move."

"Thank you, Y/N!"

"Don't thank me yet, I'm about to kick both of your arses!"

You hung up the phone before Mitch could add anything, and hurried to set back the few items you had gathered in your bag before you rushed to your car.

You sent a text to Gareth warning him about the incident and telling him that you couldn't get the groceries and were driving to the hospital instead, before you turned on the engines and drove out of the parking lot.

Your phone rang a few minutes later, and you talked on speaker with your boyfriend.

"Hey! I just got your text… is everybody alright?"

"Hmmm… I don't know for sure, I'm going to the hospital now."

"Do you need me to come too?"

"No, don't bother. You're busy working. I'll handle it."

"I hope it's nothing too serious. How did he manage to hurt his tongue so badly?"

"I'll tell you later. I've got to kick his butt first."

"Go easy on him. The poor guy…"

"You're right, it must hurt a lot," you calmed down instantly, and now instead of anger, you wanted to reach the hospital as fast as possible out of worry.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. Call me if you need anything."

"Thank you. See you tonight."

"Love you!"

"Love you too."

Soon enough you were rushing inside the hospital, looking for your two friends. And you found them with ease, as they were waiting for you, sitting on hospital chairs with Harry's head resting on Mitch's shoulder.

The guitarist gave you a little wave and a relieved smile.

"Thank God you're here…"

"Are you alright?"

"Me? Yeah… him… He needs a nap."

As if on cue, Harry seemed to finally notice that you were here, and he shot you a toothy grin.

"Y/N! I 'appy 'o 'ee you!" he mumbled, unable to articulate his words properly.

"They numbed his tongue," Mitch explained. "And he's still high."

"Is it serious?" you asked with worry in your voice as you bent down to examine Harry's face.

"Nah… he'll be fine. Got it all patched up. He'll be fine in a few days. He did lose a bit of his tongue though!"

You smacked Harry's arm, and he frowned, looking at you with angry eyes and an adorable pout while he rubbed his arm.

"Wha' was 'at for?"

"What was that for? You lost a piece of your tongue, you moron!"

"Don' call me 'at…" his pout grew sadder, an effect of the drugs, really, he was always sleepy and all cuddly when he was drunk or high.

"I was so worried about you!"

A smirk slowly formed on his lips.

"You 'ere 'orried abou' me?"

"Of course, I was worried! I still am! And I'm gonna kick your butt for being so stupid!"

"I 'ave a pre'y bu'…" he smirked.

"Yes, well, your pretty butt is gonna be in trouble! Now come on, let's get you home."

You dropped Mitch at the studio first, where he would wait for Sarah to take him home. You helped Harry in his house next, making sure he wouldn't fall, as his head was still cloudy. He was slowly doing better though, and his words became clearer by the minute, although his painful tongue still made him wince when he hit his tongue against his teeth.

"'ank you for picking me up," he said, falling on his bed.

"I'm gonna get you some water, okay?"

You helped him out of his jumper, as he seemed tangled in his sleeves before heading downstairs and coming back with a glass of cold water.

"'ank you," he breathed in a baby voice, holding the glass in both his hands as he rested his back against the headboard.

You shook your head looking at him. You had to admit that he looked adorable like this, a little lost maybe. Soft and fragile and you could read through his body language that he longed for some cuddles.

And you thought about crawling in bed by his side, to let him rest his hedd against your shoulder, but then you remembered that he wasn't single either anymore. So, you reached for your phone instead.

"You want me to call Gloria for you? What's her number?"

"Who?"

"Gloria. You're girlfriend?"

He huffed, shaking his head.

"She ain' my girlfriend. I don' see her anymore."

"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

He shrugged, his pout back on his face.

"I didn' like her 'at much."

"I see…"

"I don' wan' 'o be alone," he admitted in a whisper, resting his head against the headboard, his glass still in his hands resting on his stomach, while he stared at you with pleading eyes that truly meant to say please, stay.

You heaved a sigh, taking off your shoes and climbing in the bed by his side. He gave you a grin in response.

"Alright… but just a few minutes. Then, I have to go home."

"Bu' I'm hur'…"

"Because you were being a moron. Next time, don't count on me to come pick you up at the hospital because you broke a limb because you were high!"

He stared at you with one of these intense glances he threw at you every time he listened to you really intently, and it was always a bit too much for you to handle.

"I don' like i' when you're mad a' me…" he whispered truthfully, a sad expression on his face now.

You heaved a sigh, defeated already. You took away his empty glass, placing it on the bedside table on your side of the bed, and opened your arms for him. He didn't need you to speak out loud to rush into your embrace, burying his face into your neck.

"I'm not mad," you reassured him. "I just… I don't like it when you're hurt. It makes me all worried."

He hummed, nodding.

"I'm always worried abou' you 'oo you know?"

"I know."

"I ge' real worried when you don' call for more 'an a day," he went on, rambling, and you were certain that he wouldn't have said any of these words out loud, had he been sobber. "I make all 'ese scenarios in my head… and I miss you."

"Well, I'm here now."

He snuggled closer to you, nodding his head. His arms were around you now, holding you against him as if he were afraid you'd change your mind and walk away at any second now.

"I'm always worried abou' you. I really need you, you know?"

He rubbed his cheek in your neck, and you were certain that your heart was about to implode.

"I like i' when you hold me," he went on. "Feels warm. Feels safe. Feels really safe in your arms."

You dropped a kiss in his hair, and you could have sworn he had shivered at the contact.

"You are safe. You're safe with me, Harry."

"Don' leave me. Ever."

"I'm not gonna leave you, Harry."

He heaved a content sigh, before breathing in deeply your scent, your perfume and your shampoo intertwined to better blur his senses. When he spoke again, it was barely a whisper, and you weren't sure what he meant, but it sounded like something dangerous.

"God… I write too many songs abou' you, Y/N. I'm so sorry. I really 'ried bu' I can' help i'… Ain' my fault if you're always there."

Put a price on emotion

I'm looking for something to buy

 Harry pulled at his lower lip while he listened to the latest version of his song. He had started writing it a while ago, but he could feel now that it was almost done.

His tongue was almost healed, and he could speak as normal again. He thought back about the way it felt to be safely held in your embrace…

 You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

 He wondered if you would remember that these words were yours. That night on New Year's Eve. You and him alone in his mother's garden, under the frozen winter sky. He could never shake off these words of yours. He wasn't sure of what you meant by them at the time, and yet he felt like they echoed in his heart with an uncomfortable accuracy.

He too hated you sometimes for the way he loved you so ardently, so stubbornly. At the end of the day though, it wasn't your fault at all, and he couldn't change his feelings either.

 We'll get the drinks in

And I'll get to thinking of her

 He had broken up with Gloria, although he reckoned that they had never really been together to begin with. He had just seen her over the course of three weeks, it was hardly anything meaningful to him. And he was ashamed to admit it, but he had indeed drunk a little too much a couple of nights just to think of you instead.

 We'll be a fine line

 Maybe it could be what you'd remain. Somewhere in between friends and lovers, and it was almost fine for him, really. It had been fine for a long time, at least. He could shake off the feeling of missing you, and he had grown skilled at forgetting about Gareth and the way he got to kiss you and share your bed.

But then he would see you face to face, and it was getting harder every day to resist the temptation to just spill it all out and hold you close.

And when he saw you with Gareth, it still hurt just as much to know that he lived everything Harry desired so brightly.

For how much longer could he go on like this? Years? Months? He didn't know, and was afraid to find out the answer.

 Test of my patience

There's things that we'll never know

 And yet despite everything he felt and how painful it was to live like this, he still preferred this situation to the events that would unfold if he spoke the truth.

Because he knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes, and you were loyal to a fault. And you were kind and too selfless for your own good. And if he told you the truth, you would walk away. He had given the various possibilities a lot of thoughts, and over the dozens of scenarios he had run into his head, his conclusion seemed to always fall back onto you leaving him for good. Because you could never choose him feeling like you would be cheating on your boyfriend. He knew perfectly well that you would never do anything of the kind to your boyfriend. If you were to ever leave him, it would be to make you both happier, not just for yourself. And for now, Harry was pretty sure that it wasn't the case.

So, even if he managed, by some miracle, to make you doubt your feelings for Gareth and consider trying something with him, Harry knew that your sense of loyalty would push you back into Gareth's arms. Guilt would torture you too much. And then Harry would lose you for good.

No need to try, then. The game was lost already. It was almost as if your possible feelings for him - and he was far from certain that you had any - barely mattered. There was just no scenario where Harry won.

What a stupid heart he had for giving itself to you...

 Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

 If only he had realized all this before you met Gareth...

Why did it have to hurt so much to belong to someone else? Why did it have to mean that we'd be at their mercy? Why did we have to be so damn fragile in front of the ones that mattered most to us?

Would you recognize them if he sang your words? Would you remember that evening with him? He still dreamt about it from time to time...

Would you realize it then? How much of you he carried with him all the time?

He reckoned that you wouldn't.

 We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

 He let his head fall back, his face turned to the ceiling as he let out a deep, painful sigh and closed his weary eyes.

Would the two of you ever be alright?

***********************************************

Taglist :  @ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky@snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity@i-padfootblack-things  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy @addictedtofictionalcharacters @staringmoony@madamrogers @cronias13​ @stylesfics-xx @mellamolayla @mariaenchanted

[girlsbtrs]

Me, Taylor, and The Search for Musical Legitimacy

Written by Lila Danielsen-Wong. Graphic by James Nida Grey.

As a child, whenever I took art classes, they were full of girls. I took group piano lessons with four other girls from my neighborhood. Any theatre I was involved in casted regardless of gender because there were never enough boys to fit a show. My middle school orchestra was about three quarters girls. 

It came as a shock that when I started getting involved in any songwriting I could do, I was suddenly in the minority. The few all-ages open mics I could go to were set up by dad-types and primarily populated by their friends of the same demographic. Teenage rock band-type boys dominated the non-classical learning spaces. 

However, this isn’t about them, this is about me, Lila Danielsen-Wong, a girl you’ve probably never heard of, and a girl you probably have heard of. Her name is Taylor Swift.

In 2010, I was a sixth-grade latchkey kid who spent a whole lot of time watching music videos on YouTube. Taylor Swift had just released her third studio album, Speak Now. Although many girls my age had been enchanted by Fearless, I was a pretentious and precocious preteen who was resistant to popular things, and was much more interested in niche Boston folk singer-songwriters like Antje Duvekot and Lori McKenna. 

However, niche Boston folk singer-songwriters don’t really make lots of YouTube content geared at middle schoolers, so the YouTube recommendations led me from my folk corner, to The Band Perry, to a song called White Horse. 

This snowballed into me listening to every Taylor Swift song on Youtube, to learning to play the piano chords to each of them, to writing complete songs of my own. Although I’d been writing simple piano melodies for years, songwriting now occupied every corner of my brain in nearly every free moment. When I learned Dear John, I decided it didn’t sound as good on piano, so I decided I needed to play it on guitar. I snuck into my mother’s room and learned to play an E chord. Soon, all I did was practice guitar and write songs. I wanted to write like she did, to articulate my feelings as well as she did, so precisely that everyone who listened understood not only me, but themselves better. However, I was not ready to publicly be someone who listened to Taylor Swift. Occasionally a YouTube comment would remove me from Taylor world and remind me “All of her fans are teenage girls.” At eleven I didn’t have the words or the context to understand why that so briskly discredited her. I knew it was an insult, and I knew it was an insult that worked. 

Flash forward two years, I was one of the youngest writers at a summer songwriter lab geared toward teens that one of the local theatres held yearly. Remember the rock boys I was talking about? This is when we became acquainted. We had just come back from writing songs in our randomly assigned groups. I had a hard time contributing, being a not-quite-high-schooler who’d never tried co-writing. One of the older girls was talking to the rock boys and I remember the conversation word for word. One of the rock boys asked her how the session went. She responded “eh, it was all girls,” to which the boy said “mine too, a lot of just-singer girls, you know cause of like, Taylor Swift.” They laughed and went on to complain about the younger songwriter girls who “don’t even know what they were doing.”

The conversation they were having, “Taylor Swift, a frivolous girly artist, is encouraging frivolous girls to come into our serious artist spaces and making them frivolous,” stuck with me through my teen years, and it wasn’t until recently that I started to understand. Taylor Swift found success because she could connect with girls like me, and I found my absolute favorite thing, my life calling, because of Taylor Swift; but Taylor Swift was being discredited because of me, and I was being discredited because of Taylor Swift. 

In older interviews, Taylor talks about how after the first time she went to Nashville to pitch herself to labels, she heard nothing. So she decided she needed to be different, and that’s when she started writing songs. At that moment, I realized that I was going to have to be (crucify me) “not like other girls” if I wanted to be taken seriously or have my ideas heard. The next day I came back to the young songwriters lab with my viola instead of my guitar, and managed to finesse my way into playing on nearly half the songs in the showcase. 

I don’t need a list of MLA cited sources to explain that art geared to girls and young women is dismissed. It is not a hot take to say that art created by young women is often instantly devalued. Taylor Swift wrote music about girls and young women for girls and young women, and she didn’t have much interest in being a sex symbol. Not that there’s anything wrong with female artists who use their sexuality, but Taylor Swift gave the men who gate-keep musical legitimacy nothing they wanted from her. Still, she wrote Speak Now with no co-writers before she was old enough to legally drink. She followed it up with Red, a diverse transition album that showed off her songwriting range. 1989 broke records, started an 80’s pop revival and seamlessly transitioned her into pop. Taylor Swift was everywhere, and yet I heard the same things echo. 

“She isn’t a real artist because she only writes about relationships.” 

“Her audience is just rabid fans who don’t know anything about real music.”

“She’s just a pop star who won’t stand the test of time.”

I spent the tail end of 2015 writing songs that emulated the rhythmic lyrics of 1989, but if anyone asked who my musical influences were, I’d often omit her and stick with niche Boston folk singer-songwriters. Me and my music were not going to get pegged as a naive and shallow fangirl.

It was my freshman year of college. I was at my local state school because I couldn’t really afford to go to any of the music programs I wanted to go to, when I ran into a friend who I knew from the songwriting labs. She invited me to the guitar club that she ran, and of course I went. Although the rock boys weren’t the majority numbers wise, they dominated the room. They asked about my beat up Guild guitar. Impressed with how I inherited it from a rocker guy my dad works with, they encouraged me to play a song. I pulled out my most meticulously crafted coming-of-age ballad, and let them hear my line, “we’re all cynics and romantics, it’s semiotics and semantics,” to which they responded “cute song.” 

With the release of Folklore and Evermore, there’s been a shift. After teaming up with Aaron Desner of the National and Bon Iver, Taylor got a bit of that male approval that she never really needed. Pitchfork commented, with surprise, that Folklore showed “some real signs of maturity.” Each album that an artist releases should probably be more mature than the last. Surprise at lyrical maturity from a 30-year-old songwriter who penned lines like “you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you” as a teen, comes across a little underhanded. 

Much of the next generation of musicians have been influenced by Taylor. Conan Grey’s TikTok hit Heather was based on Last Kiss. Rising it-girl Olivia Rodrigo is a hardcore fan. Even Phoebe Bridgers, who has been memed as “Taylor Swift for girls with crumbs in their beds” or “Taylor Swift for people whose parents still love each other” lists Taylor Swift as an influence. Although this new shift is one for Taylor Swift and not a change in the ingrained biases against women and their art, I wonder if it’s going to trickle down to the artists she influenced. 

My favorite line in Evermore, Swift’s latest studio album ft. sad dad rock, comes in the second verse of Coney Island. In this song, Matt Berninger of The National slides in and out, singing lines in less predictable blocks than in other Swift collaborations. Together, Swift and Berninger coo “do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there/will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care.” It’s funny to hear one of the world’s biggest superstars share a line so monumental to the album. I wonder if it’s because she knows how much louder it will be when a man is holding up the low ends. 

[1dfangirls35]

Voir Dire (N.H.) A fake dating OU about contracts, soulmates and risking it all for love.

Masterlist // Tell Me What You Think!

thirty

The first thing Kelsey had learned about Becca Campos when she met her at their sorority's bid day party six years ago was that Becca planned on becoming an entertainment journalist. The idea had seemed far fetched at the time, the dark-haired girl covered in glitter with a smile as wide as her face hardly seemed like the future host of Entertainment Tonight.

But here Becca was, sitting in a black fabric chair in the center of the hotel room they'd checked into for the occasion, her thick near-black hair pulled back in a neat bun at the base of her neck, staring at a notepad in her hand with interminable concentration. The girl Kelsey had met all those years ago with the big dreams and contagious smile was about to do what she'd always dreamed of doing...sort of.

When Niall had determined that the best way to break the news of his new label to his fans was to tell them everything, Kelsey had quickly suggested a sit down interview with Becca. What better way to thank the girl that helped her through so much of the turmoil than with an interview that could potentially jumpstart her career?

When Niall asked Becca to be his interviewer, she'd screamed so loudly that Kelsey had feared their neighbors might think someone was being murdered. "Me?" Becca had asked with shock. "Are you sure you don't want to go straight to the media or something?"

"Absolutely not Becca," Niall had said. "I want this to be personal. This is for my fans and no one else. And you are perfect for this job."

Becca had been perfect for the job. She'd suggested the hotel backdrop, given Niall a list of points from the media perspective that he should be sure to answer to avoid any more speculation and even offered to help do any video editing--which Niall adamantly refused.

The only thing Becca had done that Kelsey wasn't raving about was, well, bringing in Krystal. Kelsey knew Becca had a point, Krystal was needed to clear the baby drama once and for all, but that didn't make Kelsey like the idea of seeing her side by side with Niall again any more.

Kelsey fidgeted with the edge of the royal blue dress that cling to her legs as she adjusted herself in her seat. She didn't know what she was nervous for, she wasn't the one being interviewed, yet her insides felt like they were trying to work their way outside.

Kelsey would remain a mystery, referred to but never confirmed. Niall thought it best for their current situation, and she agreed. There was a difference between speculation and acknowledgment, and Niall longed to once again keep his personal life private.

Niall sat directly across from Becca in a black fabric directors chair that was just a little too wobbly for Niall's taste. He played with the collar of the grey blazer he had on, beginning to question whether this was the best choice for this kind of interview. Maybe he should have went with the navy sweater, to bring out the blue in his eyes. He shook the thought from his mind, he doubted anyone would care what he was wearing once they heard the words coming out of his mouth.

He glanced over at Becca, her head still buried in her notes. She was taking this thing so seriously, like it was going to be displayed on national news instead of becoming a series of GIFs on stan Twitter. He admired Becca for her work ethic, even though Niall would do most of the talking. He would explain his departure from Capitol, the events leading up to it, and the fact that he was not joining the One Direction Daddy's club quite yet.

There would also be an appearance by Krystal, Krystal who, Niall looked down at his watch, was approximately twelve minutes late. He hadn't seen her since she'd told him the baby wasn't his. He'd sent her a few texts- checking in on things and the baby- but she'd kept things short and to the point, assuring Niall that she was perfectly fine. Niall wondered if he should text her now to make sure she was still coming, especially since Kelsey looked like she was going to start bleeding if she kept chewing on her lip like she was at the moment.

Krystal arrived four minutes later, her cheeks red as she burst into the room. "So sorry I'm late," she announced, tossing her large black tote on the red sofa in the corner in the room. Niall noted that her baby bump was much larger than what he remembered, clearly visible through the crimson dress formed to her body. Niall tried to read her face, but there's a smile plastered to it, masking any emotion other than happiness.

Becca jumped to her feet like she'd just been caught slacking. "Ah Krystal, perfect. If you just want to have a seat next to Kelsey over there, I'm going to start with Niall and then bring you over in a minute."

Krystal offered Kelsey a polite smile as she took a seat next to her, Krystal's hand cradling her baby bump. "I'm glad he's doing this," Krystal said softly, as Becca began giving her final instructions to Niall.

Kelsey turned her head, looking at the blonde girl that for so many months she had hated. Krystal's eyes seemed sincere. "Me too," Kelsey murmured, not quite ready to have a full-on conversation with her former rival. She looked back over at Niall and his eyes met hers for a moment, they're bright and reassuring, reminding her that everything will be okay.

"Ready everyone?" Becca said loudly, bringing everyone's attention back to the task at hand. She looked like a little kid at Christmas, her hands clasped in front of her as if she was moments away from beginning a round of applause.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Niall laughed, and Kelsey heard the nervousness in his voice. She wished she could sit next to him, squeezing his hand through it all.

It all came down to this. Would the fans side with Niall? Would they realize he'd been a pawn in the scheme of a big company and take pity on him for all he'd been through in the past year? Or would they be angry at being lied to and hold it against him?

Becca held three fingers up, signaling to Bradley, the co-worker she'd convinced to help control the camera for the day to start recording after she counts down. When she got to one, she took a deep breath before smiling and stating loudly, "I'm Becca Cam and I'm here with Niall Horan. Now Niall it's my understanding that you have some big news to share with your fans today is that true?"

Kelsey smiled at her friend's bold reporter voice. There was no hesitation in it, like she had been doing this for years. This instantly puts Kelsey at ease. With Becca running the show there was no reason this should go badly.

"That's correct Becca," Niall replied. He internally cringed at the sound of his voice out loud, realizing he resembled more of a newscaster than himself. "I wanted to let my fans know that I have parted ways with Capitol Records and announce the opening of my new record label: NH Records."

"Wow, Niall that is big news," Becca exclaimed, and Niall couldn't help but chuckle at her extreme enthusiasm. "If I can ask, what prompted this switch? I mean Capitol Records is a very prestigious company."

"That's actually why I wanted to sit down with you today Becca, because I want my fans to know what's really been going on over the past few months," Niall inhaled. "A little over a year ago, I met with Capitol in preparation for the release of my new album. We talked about their idea for promotion of the album and I was told that I was to be portrayed as a man in love, and that Capitol had hired someone to act as my girlfriend for PR purposes. If I did not agree to their terms, they would terminate my contract, and there would be no second album."

"So this girlfriend? Is this Krystal Hoffman?" Becca asked inquisitively.

"Right. Krystal was hired by Capitol to portray my girlfriend. They scheduled appearances for us, expected us to go out on dates and so on."

"So you left Capitol because you didn't agree with having a fake girlfriend?"

"That's part of it, but there's more to the story. One night shortly after Krystal and I's first public appearance, I met someone," Niall smiled, his eyes flashing back to when he first laid eyes on Kelsey, her shirt splattered with his beer. "We connected instantly, and although we tried to stay just friends, we couldn't stay away from each other. It kind of felt like we were meant for each other you know? When we started dating, I approached Capitol about allowing me to break up with Krystal and use my real relationship for their PR purposes, but they adamantly refused. They wanted me to continue living a lie."

"Did you break up with the girl?"

"Not then. So when Capitol found out we were still dating, they went after her. They blackmailed her into breaking up with me, and like anyone placed in that situation, she signed their contract and agreed. She was told she could never see me again and never speak about this contract to anyone. I was in a bad place after that. I'd just lost the woman I was in love with."

"But if she signed a contract, how did you find out about all this?" Becca questioned, tapping the pen in her hand against her knee.

"Well," Niall laughed. "I guess that's the part that I would say is all fate. Our paths crossed again and I realized that maybe there was someone else meddling in our relationship. It just didn't seem like her to break up with me so suddenly. The short version of the story is that I finally realized that this girl was worth far more to me than any music contract, and I did some threatening of my own to convince Capitol to drop her contract. Then, I made the decision to drop Capitol Records as my label." Niall said the last phrase with some confidence, it might even fool his fans into thinking that dropping Capitol hadn't been the scariest moment of his life.

"But Niall weren't you seen at an OB appointment with Krystal? Seemed like you were ready to get in on Daddy duty. Are you telling me that was all part of a PR scheme as well?"

"Not exactly. But well, maybe it's better Krystal herself tells you that part of the story?"

Becca nodded, gesturing towards Krystal to come over and take a seat in the empty chair next to Niall.

"Krystal thank you for joining us today," Becca said pleasantly.

Krystal smiled, "Thank you for having me."

"So Krystal this baby business. Is the baby real?"

Krystal laughed, looking down at her baby bump. "Yes, Becca this baby is very much real. But unlike the tabloids have been saying, it is not Niall's baby."

"Then why was Niall at the OB office with you? Was that just part of the PR for the album as well?"

"Actually no. The contract for our relationship ended before that appointment. When I found out I was pregnant, Niall was just," she paused, as if she was hesitant to tell the true story. Krystal looked towards Niall and he gave her a small nod. He needed her to tell the truth, even if the truth meant acknowledging his own faults. The fans deserved the truth.

"He was just the perfect gentleman. He wanted to be there for me. And unfortunately I wasn't exactly honest with him about who the father of the baby was." She paused, biting her lip softly before turning to face Niall directly.

"I'm truly ashamed of my actions and my role in this. I was scared and alone and took advantage of Niall's kindness when I didn't need to. Because after I told Niall the truth, that this wasn't his baby, well he's still been there for me. I just wanted to say," she shifted her gaze from Niall to the Kelsey off-screen. "I'm really sorry for everything that I've put you through. Both of you. The way Niall looks at you, I hope one day I can find someone that looks at me that way. You both deserve to be happy. And I'm hope that telling the true story helps you guys finally get get the happiness you deserve," Krystal's voice shook, and Kelsey wondered if she was about to cry.

Kelsey felt bad for Krystal. It couldn't be easy admitting that she had done something wrong. She surely would get hate for it from the Niall fans- they could be ruthless. And for the first time since she met Krystal, Kelsey feels that her words are sincere, and she wondered if she had truly misjudged her all along.

"So was there ever a relationship between the two of you?" Becca asked and Niall cringed, he hadn't wanted to admit his mistake but he knew he needed to.

"No relationship," Krystal responded quickly. "Just a night with some emotions that shouldn't have happened."

"Thank you, Krystal," Becca said, gesturing Krystal back towards her seat.

As Krystal took a seat, Kelsey noticed her wiping a tear from her eye. "Thank you. For coming and doing this, and for what you said. I know it probably wasn't easy and it won't be easy." Kelsey said softly, and something moves her to place her hand on top of Krystal's and give it a comforting squeeze.

"Before we move on Becca, I just want my fans to know that Krystal is an amazing woman as well. She was simply an actress doing a job. I don't harbor any hard feelings towards her, and I absolutely will not tolerate you guys having any either. Out of all of this, I have gained an amazing friend, and Krystal deserves just as much love and support as the rest of us." Niall glanced over at Krystal who is smiling softly, noticing that Kelsey's hand is on top of hers. He smiles. Maybe the two could finally learn to tolerate each other.

"Well Niall, anything else you would like to say to your fans," Becca straightened herself in her seat.

Niall looked straight into the camera. "The past year has been a challenging one for me,  but I've learned so much. I learned that you can't just be a pawn in someone else's chess game and that when you find someone you love you've got to fight for them, and do whatever it takes. I decided to leave Capitol because I could no longer allow someone else to dictate my life. And I couldn't deceive you guys any longer. My fans are the reason I make music, and lying to you- well, it's not me. The music industry isn't always kind to artists, and this may be a career-ending decision, but it's something I strongly believe in. I hope that you will continue to support me from my own label, and I promise you, from now on there will be no manipulating promotional tactics. Just this goofy Irish lad with dodgy knees."

"One last question Niall," Becca smiled. Niall nodded.

"Are you happy?"

"Very happy," Niall grinned, looking over at Kelsey. He didn't break eye contact with her as he spoke again. "She's the love of my life. Honestly. Truly. Our love story hasn't been easy, but I'm really hoping that after today, we don't have to live in fear of someone finding out about us. We can just be us."

"Do we get to meet this lovely lady?" Becca asked, raising any eyebrow.

"I think I'm gonna keep her to myself for a little while. I've had enough tabloids about my relationship over the past year." He looked over at Kelsey once again and she smiled.

***************************************************

Niall hovered his finger over the blue tweet button with hesitance. He glanced over to  Kelsey who sat next to him, her hand resting gently on his shoulder. She nodded at him, her lips formed into a soft smile.

It was terrifying. The thought that his fans might not have his back. The thought that his record label might not succeed and he would lose his music forever. After I press this button, I'm throwing my phone out the window, he thought to himself.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and pressed tweet. Six simple words with the video link.

It's time to speak the truth.

A/N: That’s the final chapter guys! I will post the Epilogue tomorrow, and maybe the story page for my next fic? Undecided on that one because I think I want to finish writing it before I post (it’s a mini fic) and I’m not sure how soon that will be. Let me know if you have thoughts on that haha

ALSO thank you so much for nominating this story for the 1DCraftAwards. Honestly, there are so many amazing fics on that list that I feel honored to even be on the same list as them!

Tag List: @awomanindeniall​​ , @ihearthemcallingforyou​ , @niall-is-my-dream​​ ,​  @stylishmuser​​​ , @thicksniall

[locke-writes]

One Night

Author: locke-writes

Title: One Night

Prompt: She’s A Rebel - Green Day, Bucky Barnes (Musician!Reader x Music Journalist!Bucky AU) For: @thefanficfaerie​ ‘s 3500 follower celebration

Rating; T

Word Count: 3,137

Marvel Taglist: @lotsoffandomimagines​ @lgbtonystarks​

Bucky smiled softly as he watched you in the recording studio. He always enjoyed these moments as they were quite rare. For the most part when you were at home he'd never get to listen to what you'd been working on as you tried to keep full songs a secret. Sometimes he might be asked his opinion on a riff just to help discern if one note sounded better than another for any song you might be working on but you were very much a private person when it came to your songwriting. He found a humor in the fact that this was quite the opposite of you on stage as you'd often tease audiences with bits and pieces of songs currently in the works.

Although he might not admit it out loud Bucky certainly felt that at times he took his position for granted. Not everyone in the world could say they started a company with a friend they'd known since childhood and not everyone could say that it was their job that led them to the love of their life. Bucky always felt he owed it all to fate although Steve had a different opinion on that being part of the reason you and Bucky had met. Bucky stopped his mind from wandering and turned back to the story at hand, jotting down more notes for use when he returned to his office.

Sitting back down in his office Bucky began typing up an outline. He smiled as it felt sort of humorous for him to be writing this particular article. It wasn't just a piece on the anniversary of the your band's debut album or a teaser for the fact that you were working on another to be released later in the year, for him it was partially about the anniversary of when you met, the anniversary of when his life completely changed.

As he was typing he let his mind drift to the first meeting and subsequent thereafter.

The magazine had only been running for six years. It was no Rolling Stone but their readership was growing by the minute what with the fact that they had decided to make it readily available digitally as well as in print an idea that wasn't necessarily revolutionary but did help for availability. Steve had the idea to start the whole thing which Bucky was apprehensive about at first albeit now grateful for Steve pushing him into agreeing. From their apartment originally to now renting out a few floors in Stark Towers they'd risen fast.

Most of what he did on the daily basis was executive work. He didn't hate it but he preferred writing, Steve was more the artist having everything under control when it came to scheduling photoshoots and figuring out who was on the cover every week. Bucky wanted to be the writer, that's really all that he wanted since the start but you own your own company you've got to be the executive. This made the rare moments that either he or Steve got to work on something for themselves and not be stuck in meetings, all the more special. It meant moments where Steve came crashing into Bucky's office, all the more interesting.

"Tell me you don't have plans tonight and mean it." Steve shouted.

"I don't have plans tonight and I mean it" Bucky replied looking up from the outline of future issue topics.

"Good because I need you to take this story off my hands, something came up with one of the photographers and I need to take over which means I won't make this show."

"What's the story?"

"New band on the block, Battering Ram. An indie punk band that's doing a series of club shows in the city before they head on their first US tour. It's their debut album and I scheduled them for an interview. A real, who is the band sort of thing, nothing complex."

"Yeah I mean, have you cleared it with their manager or whoever you've talked to"

"Called him about an hour ago. I figured you'd say yes, told him I'd be giving you my ticket and press pass but that you'd need your name added to the list since it's a sort of, first come first serve show tonight."

Bucky nodded as Steve walked out, he glanced down at the ticket noting that doors opened at 7:30. He knew if anything he should be there at 5 for sound check but he knew it might be better to be there at the start of the show rather than before in an effort to get a real feel for who the band was.

Backstage at the club you were buzzing, excitement running through you. Everything seemed surreal and you couldn't seem to focus on the lyrics you'd been working on. The guitar techs were tuning everything up which meant you couldn't even play a little or work on anything new. You just felt lucky that you weren't the only one who seemed to be a bit nervous and filled with excited energy. Sam was going over the setlist spouting out lyrics as if he'd forget them on stage which you knew had never and probably would never happen. Thor was tossing drumsticks back and forth tapping out a beat on his knees while Nat was organizing and reorganizing all her bass picks.

The album had only been out for a few weeks but it had been gaining traction steadily, something you'd hoped for but never thought possible.

You'd all met through one another, Sam being friends with Thor because they met at some bar when it was open mic night. Nat had been your roommate who knew someone who knew someone who'd gone to college with Thor. None of you could have predicted that you'd hit it off nor that you'd all come together in such a way to form a bad that would actually have some modicum of success.

All of you were nervous in part because you wanted a great show but in part because you knew there was a music journalist coming. Well, not just any music journalist, the Bucky Barnes. You'd been reading the magazine he'd created since day one and now he was coming that night to see the show and interview you all. You just tried to keep your mind on the show all through soundcheck and then when it came time for the actual concert.

Part of Bucky's approach to covering new bands was to never read up on them or listen to anything before the show. He wanted a true first impression, he wanted the music and the stage presence to speak for itself not be built up in his mind because of something he'd already read or heard online. To say he was thrown by the number of people piling out the door was an understatement. The club wasn't large but it wasn't small either and he was sure that there were double the amount of people that the fire department would permit. He gave his name at the door and showed his press pass pushing his way up to the bar to get a better view of the stage.

Pulling out the small notebook that he'd placed in his pocket he began noting the stage. Minimalist was the right word for it. A banner with the band name and the instruments selected for the first song were already on stage. Bucky wondered if there would be more added, if maybe this was just set up for soundcheck earlier and hadn't been changed out. Twenty minutes later after getting caught up in conversation with a few fans who'd agreed to give quotes for the article Bucky was shocked to find that the stage hadn't been changed. This was just how it was going to be.

Sam ran out on stage first as always to introduce the rest of the band. You scanned the crowd looking at the size and you grinned. These were the places you'd first experienced the music that would change your life, you loved the fact that you'd get to share it with a crowd here. Maybe someone in the crowd could be influenced by what happened here on stage. You counted off in your head before strumming the opening chord.

Never in his life would Bucky admit too feeling foolish at the moment he'd first heard Battering Ram play. Never in his life would he admit this to you, but that's exactly what he felt in the first moment when the music washed over him. In that first moment, with that first song, he hated himself for not knowing about the band sooner. Punk was a finicky genre nowadays with a lot of bands trying to recapture early 70's punk but failing to find any originality. But here you all were with this sound that he couldn't quite describe. There were notes of Ramones, Black Flag and even X yet somehow you tossed that all on its head when you launched into a cover of Jolene which was unexpected by himself but apparently on the album as he heard whispers in the crowd of people not certain if that would be played.

He hated the fact that he actually had to judge the show at that moment. He hated it because he wanted to watch, he wanted to listen to opinion. And he wanted specifically to pay attention to you. There was something about you, he couldn't say what, but he was enthralled — entranced — by you. You didn't sing backing vocals like most guitarists, you just played. Sometimes you interacted with the other members of the band but mostly you just seemed to exist almost as a fixture of the crowd itself, either starting or ending the songs. You talked with the crowd, you played riffs of songs not performed and then you melted into the music.

Time was lost and before Bucky realized the encore had been finished you and the band retreated off stage. He slid through the crowd making his way past security to backstage where it was a whirlwind of movement, everyone checking off and packing instruments away. Coughing briefly he made himself known shaking hands. Water was handed out and he began a long line of questioning.

There were good and bad interviews in every reporters life. Sometimes there was little to work with, answers that didn't seem fully formed and no matter what prodding nothing could be produced to fill up the word or page limit that was set. This was a good interview, every member eager to answer questions. Bucky learned everything there was to know, from how everyone started in music to how you met, the horror stories of early gigs and when you realized that you had an audience. He asked about the album, about influences, about who wrote songs and why.

That night he learned you didn't sing because you sounded terrible but you wrote all the songs (a few with help), because lyrics seemed to constantly flow through your head. That night he learned that Sam sang because he'd been forced into choir as an elective in high school and figured out that he actually kinda liked it. He learned that Nat wanted to be a bassist not only because of the small amount of female bassists in the world but because she realized that all her favorite songs had great bass parts. Thor's nickname was the God of Thunder because he had tried and failed miserably to play soft beats on the drums but always gravitated towards the loud booming sound.

Bucky learned a lot that night, including the fact that he knew he wanted to ask you out. Physical attraction certainly didn't hinder what he felt but there was something there, something that he felt when you spoke that he didn't want to stop feeling. He'd ended up lingering backstage that night long after the interview was over, helping out break down the set, grabbing drinks with the band, and suddenly when the night couldn't have gone any better there you were, sliding a piece of paper with your number on it and telling him to text you sometime.

Sometime was later that night when he texted asking if there was any way you had time to grab dinner. You replied not even five minutes later saying that you didn't have a show the next night and was that too soon.

It wasn't too soon, in fact it wasn't soon enough.

Steve teased him the next day when they had a one on one meeting about the show. Bucky sped through the details and rushed straight into the fact that he had a date with you that night. Bucky knew that what Steve said about his inability to focus through the story was true and after Steve had left he began trying to work out just what he was going to say in the article He was pleased that the words seem to flow through him as he began writing but his mind kept wandering. Leaving work that night he practically ran home just to get ready and over to the restaurant to meet you for your date.

The first date.

The last first date either of you would ever have. Although Bucky didn't know it at the time.

Whatever he had felt the night before when talking to you alone, he felt it again when he saw you outside of the restaurant waiting for him. He almost asked you about it though he refrained in case it was something strange, something that you'd find odd. He'd learn later that no, you'd certainly felt it too.

That night you asked him about his arm, something Bucky found easy to speak with you about rather than the sense of fear he felt upon some explanations. You asked him about the magazine and was he terrified in starting it up. You asked him about the big things like where did he see himself in ten years and asked about the little things like his favorite color. He asked you about the band and did you ever think that you would be a musician for the rest of your life. He asked you about the guitars you played and why you continued to play the first guitar you ever owned. He asked you about your childhood and about everything he could think of.

If there wasn't reason to leave like the place closing you could have stayed talking to him forever. That night Bucky kissed you when he took you back to your apartment and if you could see the future through a kiss than you would have seen the rest of your life laid out before you.

Two nights later you had your second date as Bucky figured out when you didn't have shows. What shows you did have he managed to make it too, at one point bringing Steve along for you to meet. Steve didn't bother saying anything about what he saw that night to Bucky but he noted the way you looked at his friend and Steve knew, or at least he had a feeling he hoped was going to be right, that you and Bucky were it for each other.

In the two weeks that you were going to be in the city your time was split between the band and Bucky, not that anyone in the band cared. They saw that Bucky made you happy and they liked him, not just as someone who they approved of but as someone they didn't hate hanging out with. The last night before the tour you and Bucky decided to try and work through the long distance thing. Both of you were nervous but you knew that if you texted and called one another when you could as well as making use of the wonders of Skype dates then maybe everything would come together.

The story was published three weeks after the show where you'd met. Suddenly Battering Ram was climbing the charts and extending the tour from six months to seven. Bucky was disappointed it would be another month he'd have to wait to see you but he didn't care because he'd wait a lifetime for you. He told you this when you Skyped him to give him the news and all you could do was smile. Part of you felt like you were rushing into something with Bucky but another part of you felt like this was what you had wanted for your entire life whether you'd been aware of it our not.

He ended up meeting you at the airport when you landed after the last show of the tour. Dropping you off at your apartment he ended up staying the weekend. At the end of that weekend he ended up asking if you wanted to get an apartment together. You said yes.

Three days was the amount of time before you decided to live together and three months was the amount of time it took before Bucky decided to propose. He didn't have a ring, he didn't have a plan, in fact he didn't even know he was going to ask before he did. You were on the couch eating dinner and watching Netflix while he was in the kitchen grabbing a drink for you, you laughed at some joke and then the words were out there in the air. You were stunned and he was stunned but he repeated the words anyway, this time more sure of himself because he knew that this was exactly what he wanted.

That electric feeling that blew through him the first time you met, the feeling that coursed through his veins every time he kissed you. He didn't want to stop having that feeling. It felt surreal to him that you'd said yes to a first date, to a second, and to getting married. It felt surreal when the wedding was over and there was a ring on his finger, it felt surreal that you were his and he was yours for the rest of his life. It was something that Bucky would never take for granted.

Bucky saw a notification pop up on his phone, just you letting him know you were picking up dinner and asking if he wanted his usual from the Chinese place by the studio. He quickly sent back a reply and put the finishing touches on the story before sending it off to Steve to review and heading out of the office.

This was his life now, one he would never change for anything in the world. He had a job he loved, friendship he would never take for granted and most importantly. Bucky had you.

[texastheband]

Super Shar

Interview by Simon Gage, Photography by Wayne Maser Taken from Marie Claire UK - December 2001

She's one of the most successful women in British music, but Sharleen Spiteri refuses to let fame go to her head. And she doesn't mince her words about people who do. Here, the Texas singer gives Simon Gage the lowdown on babies, relationships and having Madonna and Guy round for tea. Photographs by Wayne Maser.

'And you need white wine vinegar, which is weird, but it's the secret ingredient,' says Sharleen Spiteri as she jams another slice of toast into her mouth and peers through the steam from a mug of tea big enough to soak your feet in. She's sitting in the television room of the huge house near London's Regent's Park she shares with her boyfriend, Ashley Heath, editorial director of The Face, explaining a pavlova recipe. (She doesn't mention she is making it for Tom Ford, designer for Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent.) The dustbins outside are full of carrier bags from Alexander McQueen - an old mate of hers from way back - and the kitchen is big enough to drive a Jeep around, but it's a homely home, not a stupidly luxurious swank pad. Although goodness knows, it could be. The house is fairly new to Sharleen - bought with the cash she's earned since Texas's resurrection with the White On Blonde album in 1997 made her a multi-millionaire - but it already looks lived in, with books and candles everywhere, a huge Aga and comfy settees. Her mum and dad are down from Glasgow to help her redecorate. Obviously, she could afford to employ a team of painters - she is one of the wealthiest women in the UK, with recent rich lists placing her higher than Posh but she sees this as a nice way of spending more time with her parents. 'And I get a lot of satisfaction from it.' she adds. 'We've been taking thousands of books off the shelves so we can paint. It's one of those jobs where you end up going, "Why the fuck did I start this?", but they're all back now and it looks fantastic.' Sharleen, 33, may be one of the most successful women in British music -the Greatest Hits album is six times platinum and counting but she is not going to let that stop her getting on with painting her shelves and sloping into cafes for junk food. She may have no time for the Mariah Careys of this world - they fell out last year - but to the women in the second-hand clothes shop we stop off at in Camden on our way to Marks & Spencer for bread, Sharleen's probably the nicest customer they'll have all day. The thing with Sharleen is she doesn't do the superstar thing and has a great talent for not being spotted. It's not like she's in disguise or anything - her hair is tied in a makeshift knot, she's wearing 'great label, but low-impact' clothes and she keeps her head up, talking non-stop in her recognisable Glasgow drawl. She even gives me a body-popping run-through of a Missy Elliott video in the middle of a road without anyone batting an eyelid, then goes on to say how shocked she was when a paparazzo tried to take a picture of her nipping out for milk. Shocked not in a 'How dare you?' way, but in a 'Why would you?' way. But that's Shar all over. She still doesn't quite get what all the fuss is about.

So we hear you're about to take two years off. SS: So people keep telling me. I'm not rushing to do the next record. I think people need a little break and so do I. Johnny [McElhone] and I are still writing [songs], but sometimes it's difficult to know where you want to go musically so we had to take a break. Two years is ample time to have a baby. I knew you were going to say that. Even my friends are phoning up and saying, 'Do you want to come to this party?' and if I go no, they ask, 'Are you pregnant?' and I'm like, 'Piss off!' If it happens, it happens. Hell, I ain't getting any younger. You're doing alright, aren't you? Is there anything you still want and can't have? No. I don't think having something you want has got anything to do with being a millionaire [laughs], but you can say that when you're loaded. I've never been happier. I can come and go, see my mates, have them round to the house and just have a laugh. Did you always dream of being a popstar? I never dreamed of being a popstar What defines a popstar? Someone who sings for a living and everyone screams at them. What defines a musician? Someone who does that but no one screams. So, what am I? You're a popstar. Yeah, but am I the same as people like Hear'say? I don't have a group of producers and writers who are writing songs for me and getting records ready so I can walk in and do my vocal. I don't sell newspapers, I sell records. Those popstars who sell newspapers don't sell albums.

Now you've made it, do things still impress you? Like when Alan Rickman phones to say he wants to be in your video? It's funny because [since the In Demand video], women come up to me and go,'Oh, what is Alan Rickman like?' He's lovely, we're mates. There's no bullshit to him. When we were doing the video, he told me he was up for a part in Harry Potter and I was like, 'Oh, my God! I love Harry Potter' When he got it, he phoned and said, 'Do you want to come down to the set?' I was like, 'You're damn right I do.' I took my niece and two nephews. It was so cool. You were supposed to be in Moulin Rouge, weren't you? What part? The Nicole Kidman part, but it would have meant spending a year filming in Australia. Now it's released, don't you think, 'That could have been me'? No. When I say no, it's no. I didn't ever see me doing that part. I was doing The Hush [Texas's fifth album] and that was more important than doing a movie.

What about when Madonna phones to ask you to dinner, does that impress you? My first meeting was at her house, so it's different from being in a popstar environment. It's pretty funny walking in the door and she's like, 'Hi, I'm Madonna.' You're a bit like, 'Yeah, I know that.' But isn't she just like all those popstars with the producers and the writers standing by? I honestly think she takes the music thing very seriously. We played with her and that wasn't a show where you just walk on and go, 'Let's see what happens.' It was very slick. Were you scared of her? Absolutely not. She's very bright - you don't get that amount of success without being bright. And what is Guy Ritchie like? Guy's nice. He's very real. But he gets criticised for being fake. Everyone reinvents themselves. It's bullshit when people go, 'That's not your background and you can't act like that.' I couldn't care less where Guy comes from. You're either nice or you're not. I don't need your family history to be in your company. Have they been to your house yet? No. It's just a case of getting it together. How would you be able to relax? Why wouldn't you? I don't understand. 'Oh my God, Madonna's coming round, I'll have to get the house repainted.' For fuck's sake. The night we went over, it was me, Stella [McCartney], Ash [Ashley Heath], Guy, Madonna, Guy's dad and his wife, and it was dead relaxed, like any dinner.

‘I don’t do cleavage, Cleavage is overrated’ - Sharleen

Did you see Madonna in concert? No. I was really busy. Was she upset? I'm sure she couldn't have given a flying fuck. So if you're not worried about meeting Madonna, what do you worry about? I'm really worried about my niece, because she's being bullied at school. I get angry more than I worry. I'm really bad at biting my tongue. I've seen people's jaws drop in a 'I can't believe she just said that' way. So you don't dream of having a body like Geri? Everyone would like it, but I wouldn't want to do the work. I couldn't bear having to think about it every time I want to eat. That's not living. I think she looks like a very ill girl. I'm just like, 'Get over it.' Would you ever do the bikini thing for a magazine? I don't need to. Some people might find the need to have a photo of them retouched, but I can't think of anything worse than going home after your boyfriend sees you on a magazine cover with your arse up to here and tits ping, ping, and then you go in and it's reality, gravity. Don't get me wrong, I really care that it's a nice picture. If I go into a studio and there's a stylist going, 'We really think...', I'm like, 'No, this is what I'm wearing because this is the way I look.' You have a big female following, don't you? A woman liking me is the biggest compliment you can pay me. After the Elvis video, so many women said, 'Well done, you're so brave.' Why brave? Because it wasn't you in a sexy little dress. I'm so bored with tits and arse. Did you know you were above Kylie and Madonna as the act most requested at Gay Pride this year? I couldn't believe it. I was like, 'Bring it on, the queen has got her crown back.' You've got a big lesbian following. Have you ever been tempted? No. I love women, but I don't fancy them. I look at women and think, 'Man, she's gorgeous.' I'd like to look like Angelina Jolie. I think she's so sexy. I love her big lips and her kooky character, and I find her madness appealing. I don't think she acts it. How does your boyfriend cope with you being a superstar? A lot of men would find that hard. Ashley's not that type. He's a very confident person, always has been. That's what attracted me to him.

When I walk into the East London photo studio about a week later, the first voice I hear is Sharleen's. She's in the middle of telling the team of internationally celebrated photographers, stylists and make-up artists some off-colour stories. The photographer reckons he doesn't know Texas's music, so someone puts on the Greatest Hits, to which Sharleen lip-syncs like a drag queen, throwing in some comedy Mariah Carey moves. As she changes from her white T-shirt into a variety of top-drawer designer togs, most of which she's brought along herself, the only thing that stays the same is her attitude. Halfway through doing a glamorous shot laid out on the floor, she asks if we can see her balls up her skirt, then she comes out in a top with a plunging neckline, pulling the sides together because, 'I don't do cleavage. Cleavage is over-rated.' Are you still big mates with Chris Evans? SS: I haven't spoken to him since he got married, but I really believe that he and Billie are in love. I met her at a funeral with Chris. Everyone is going on about Billie and Chris and you think, 'OK, so Chris has fallen in love again,' because Chris does that. When I met him with Billie, I thought, 'Oh, this is different.' I don't know her, but she was very relaxed in his company, and he was in hers, and I don't see Chris like that very much. I thought she was a really nice girl. I was quite taken aback. But you forget how young she is. What age is she? Nineteen. I never knew she was that Young. Age makes no difference to me. At that age, I was writing I Don't Want A Lover. I still stand by the lyric. Did you go to Madonna's wedding? No. There were only 60 people invited. If Madonna had invited me to her wedding, I would have wondered why. She's only known me a year. Are you going to invite her to your wedding? Who says I'm getting married? [Laughing] That was the cheesiest way of asking me I've ever heard. So ... ? Probably... I don't know how you decide. I always find it horrible when people talk about it. You're big on monogamy, aren't you? I'm a romantic. I think I'm a realist, to be honest with you. Is monogamy a big deal to me? Fuck, yes. If it lasts a week or lasts the rest of your life. So you won't put up with any running around? No. That's like [split sound] material. It's not good. Would you end it even for a minor indiscretion? Yeah. Why would you have a boyfriend? You might as well just be shagging people. Don't you ever fancy a meaningless shag? No. A shag is the ultimate closeness you can get to me, mentally and physically. When I'm having sex, that's completely me. It has to be really special. That's the way I am. You don't think there are different sorts of sex? You're talking like a man; 'I shagged her and it didn't mean anything.' How do you know it didn't to the other person? I think there are lots of girls who kid on that they don't care, but I don't believe women are like that. But I'm not interested in other people's sex lives. I love having a laugh and a great conversation, but you've seen me with my girlfriends and we're like, 'You dirty devil' and laugh like other women. We talk about sex, but not our sex lives. It's an urban myth that women talk about what they do in bed. So what are your thoughts on Posh? Every time I've met Victoria, she's been a sweetheart. Everyone goes on about her, but you still pick up the paper to see what she's up to. She seems pretty normal. Well, not in the sense that I'm normal, but I think she's actually quite normal in her heart.

See the photoshoot: here Read the scans: here Text originally posted on texasindemand.com

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Got Your Nose

anonymous said: Hi there!! Could you do an AU Roger Tayor fanfiction where he is a single dad and he meets the reader and really likes her and finally introduces her to his kid and she is so sweet with them and then eventually the kid ends up calling her mommy and just cute af fluff please and thank you??

(a/n: i’m so sorry i had to make the kid a girl. Imagining roger w a little girl just spoiling the shit out of her made my anti-kid heart swell a little bit. gif credit to @imladrs hehe ok time 2 code a website for class before it’s due woops)

“A surprise?! A puppy!”

“It’s not a puppy, sweetheart, it’s something better!” you heard Roger explain from the other side of the door, and you had to giggle as you listened for Camellia’s sweet little voice.

“Better than a puppy?” the young girl asked in disbelief, a small bit of attitude in her tone as you heard Roger laugh and walk towards the door. Suddenly, you were extremely nervous about all of this. It didn’t help that as they got to the door, Cam exclaimed, “Daddy, nothing is better than a puppy.”

“Oh, don’t be silly,” Roger dismissed teasingly, and you heard him pick up his daughter, making her squeal in delight. “Up you go, lovie. Are you ready?”

This was it. You felt your heart pounding in your chest as the front door unlocked, and you briefly imagined the worst case scenarios – Cam takes one look at you, decides you’re not interesting, and asks where the puppy is. Or she doesn’t even acknowledge you, or worse – she does, but she says she doesn’t like you.

Swallowing hard, you put on a smile as the door swung open. There was Roger, dressed to the nines in a simple t-shirt and track pants. His short but slightly curly hair was sleep-worn, and he looked very much like a dad today, which was not at all what he usually looked like. It was like seeing him again for the first time.

You remembered when you’d seen him for the first time. They were recording The Game in Munich, where you were visiting family, and you’d run into him by chance at a record store one afternoon. You were perusing the selections when you’d picked up an old Queen album, and a man nearby had scoffed at your selection – or so you’d thought.

“What’s so funny?” you asked, curiously watching the blonde who was standing around four feet away, holding a Jimi Hendrix vinyl. “Queen not your cup of tea?”

The man’s eyes were obscured behind dark sunglasses, unreadable – he didn’t remotely look like the last time you’d seen a picture of Roger Taylor, so it was no wonder you didn’t recognize him. You were admittedly a bit out of the loop, so the last time you’d seen a picture of the man in passing was years ago, and he was sporting a long, shaggy haircut and a lighter, bohemian-esque fit. This man was in a leather jacket and black tshirt, with a chunky chain necklace to match the wallet chain that was hanging from the belt loop on his jeans. His wavy blonde hair was cropped to a medium-short length, and it was unbelievably messy. There was an innocent look to his face, but a small smirk played at the corner of his mouth, as if he knew more than he let on.

“Oh, Queen?” he said, and you marveled at the Anglo-Cornish accent that pervaded the surprisingly mellow voice of someone who looked like they’d just stepped out of a Black Sabbath concert. “They’re all a bunch of cock-stars, really.”

“Ah.” You looked at the Queen II album cover in your hand, pointing to the one on the left (which you later found out was John) and looking at the man again. “He looks like a nice chap. Not bad looking either.”

“Oh, he might be the worst of them all,” he quickly replied, an impish grin sneaking its way onto his lips. “I’ve met them all. They’re insufferable. Don’t waste your time on them, gorgeous.”

“Really?” you asked, intrigued now and mainly ignoring his come-on. Although you weren’t sure whether you should trust a stranger’s word that they’d met such a big band, anything was possible. After all, you’d heard they were recording in the area. “Honestly? I don’t really know any of them. Usually don’t listen to this type of music.”

The toothy grin on his face was practically cracking his cheeks by this point, and you tried not to be too unnerved by this giddiness as he spoke. “The lead singer is a big drama queen, and that chap you pointed to? Right prick. Full of himself. The drummer might be the only one worse than him.” He chuckled, then shook his head and set the Hendrix album down, stepping just a foot or two closer and leaning against the stack of records next to him. “You said you don’t listen to this kind of music. What brings you over to this part of the store then?”

“Me?” you asked, almost confused that he was showing interest in your record selection. But you’d been chatted up in weirder places than a record store, so you played into it. “I usually listen to Stevie Wonder and the Commodores and Marvin Gaye, stuff like that. Just thought I’d change it up a bit, you know? I’m visiting an aunt here for a month or two since I just graduated uni, so I’ve got time out my arse for new music.”

“Uni? So you were a student. Where at?” he asked, moving his sunglasses to the top of his head. He had inquisitive eyes that were a shocking shade of blue, and he watched you patiently as he waited for an answer.

“London.”

“London, a lovely place. I’m actually from London myself, I’m also in the city visiting… What did you study at uni? Modeling?”

Scoffing at the notion, you were about to answer when a much taller man with a wild mop of brown curls approached the strange blonde from behind, clapping a hand to his shoulder and looking at you with curious eyes before looking down at the blonde. “Made a friend, Roger?” came the smooth, slightly lower voice of the second strange man, and you swore you’d seen his face before as he looked back to you again. After a quick glance at the album in your hand, he gave a quick chuckle and let go of Roger’s shoulder. “You going to buy that for her?”

“I was just telling her how the guitarist is a massive knobhead,” Roger replied teasingly, and you looked down to the album to be smacked across the face with the answer. The two men in front of you were right there, on the cover of Queen II, and you’d been sitting here like an idiot, not even realizing you were shooting the shit with one of the members of the band.

“Oh, eat a dick,” the man with curls laughed, shoving Roger’s head forward and grabbing the Hendrix album that he’d left sitting on top of other records. “Better have told her the drummer sucks something awful.”

A blush was quickly creeping up on your cheeks as you witnessed the interaction, not sure if you should apologize for not recognizing them or be thankful that he wasn’t offended. But Roger ended up being delighted to find a new Queen fan in you, and took down your number before he left with the man who introduced himself as Brian.

Roger ended up taking up most of your time in Munich after that, taking you all over the city on romantic dates, including a private boat ride up the river. Even once, he brought you by the studio for a brief visit when Freddie called him. You were ecstatic to see that side of the music industry, and you even got to meet John, who was amused to hear that you’d thought he looked nice on the cover of Queen II (Roger got an earful for that one later).

In fact, you spent so much time around him that you were upset when it was time for you to finally leave. But Roger promised he’d visit you as soon as they were done recording, and he did. He also said he had a surprise for you when he got back, and you were floored to find out what the surprise really was.

He had a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship that he’d been dying to tell you about, and she was almost a carbon copy of him. Beautiful blonde hair, ocean blue eyes, and from what he’d told you, an attitude bigger than the Earth itself. But she was sweet as well, and she loved her dad dearly, just as much as he loved her.

“I want you to meet her,” he’d said one day, when you were both lounging on your bed back in London. He was playing with your hand, his head resting on your belly as he looked up at you.

“Meet Camellia?” You panicked a little, chewing on your lip as you ran a hand through his hair. This was a bit sudden for you, seeing as you’d only been involved together for around 3 to 4 months, but maybe he was just talking in the future. “When?”

“Tomorrow,” he answered quickly, an edge of excitement in his voice as he propped himself up on his elbows, one on either side of you. Oh, Jesus, tomorrow? “She’s itching to meet you. Ever since I showed her a picture of you on the river in Munich, she’s been wanting to meet ‘dad’s girly-friend.’”

You cooed softly, smiling as he crawled to hover over you, trapping you down to the bed. “But Rog, what if she ends up not liking me?” you worried, reaching up to brush a stray hair from his forehead before pressing your palm to his cheek. He smiled affectionately, then pressed a quick kiss to the inside of your hand before nuzzling it.

“She’ll adore you, promise.” He then kneeled between your legs, pressing his fists into the mattress as he carefully lowered himself so he was laying on top of you, resting his head on your chest. You shifted a bit so he rested between your legs better, then began to brush your fingers back through his hair and ponder the idea a bit.

“Is she not with her mom tomorrow?” you questioned, furrowing your eyebrows as you stared at the ceiling. You couldn’t really pinpoint why you felt so overwhelmed by the concept of meeting Cam – it was possible that it was mainly because you desperately wanted her acceptance. Roger had quickly become a fixture in your life, and you were pretty fond of him. It would be horrible if the number one girl in his life decided that she didn’t like number two, which was you. You couldn’t even let yourself make Roger choose between the two of you – you’d have to leave him, just to make Cam happy. That thought scared you a lot.

“No, I gave her the next few days off. I wanted to spend alone time with the little bugger.” You could feel the rumble of his chuckle against your chest, resounding deep into your heart, and you smiled a bit as you shook your head.

“Alone time?” you repeated, and Roger laughed at your not-so-subtle prying.

“Alone time with you included, of course.” You raised an eyebrow, and Roger looked up at you, grinning before moving back up to support himself on his elbows again, giving you a quick kiss. “Baby, I swear. She will love you. I might have to beg her to spend time with me at the end of the day.”

And that was that. You’d agreed to come over in the morning, and now here you were, a fatherly Roger holding an energetic and curious young girl on his shoulders. She was peeking down at you over her father’s head, and he gave you a wide smile before looking up at Cam.

“Cammy, this is the lady I’ve been telling you about. Y/N, come in!” he invited, opening the door wider and stepping to the side as Cam never took her eyes off you. She had a devilish grin, much like her dad, and you smiled right back as you stepped inside, looking around a bit at the unfamiliar den area. “It’s a bit of a mess, sorry. Cam here has been a whirlwind this morning.”

“Have not!” the 4 year-old protested, plugging Roger’s nose as an act of vengeance. “You’re a whirlywind,” she taunted back, wiggling his nose and making him laugh as he looked up at her.

“Help, don’t let her take my nose!” he cried out in a melodramatic (and nasally) voice, looking at you as Cam giggled in pure glee and pretended to snatch his nose before he sat her back down on the ground and held a hand over his face. “Oh no, don’t give it to Y/N, I’ll never see it again!”

The reverse psychology worked remarkably well, and she ran straight over to you, handing you the invisible nose before running off and shrieking. “Run! Run!” You were absolutely dumbfounded by how flawlessly he functioned as a dad, so you stood there, smiling in awe at him for a second before remembering your mission. Smiling sheepishly, you pretended to put the ‘nose’ in your back pocket, then took off after Cam.

Roger’s laughter echoed through the den as he jogged after you two, and you found Cam peeking out of the closet in the hallway, waiting for you to come in. When you did, she pulled the door shut with a little struggle, and then shushed you quickly as you two crouched in the semi-darkness. “Daddy will never find us in here.”

“Good thinking,” you whispered, watching Roger’s shadows shift by under the door as he called out your names. You feigned handing her the nose, which she accepted with both of her hands. “Where should we hide his nose?”

“Let’s run and hide it in the backyard on the count of three,” she whispered back, listening as Roger’s voice got farther away. “One, two.. three!”

You threw open the door and she ran out immediately, her long, thin blonde hair flying out behind her as she came face to face with Roger, who was hiding just around the corner. He picked her up quickly, tickling her and eliciting shrieks and giggles that made break out into laughter.

“Where’s it at? I’ll tickle you until you tell me!” he laughed, moving her to his side and attacking her tummy with relentless tickles as she squirmed and writhed with laughter.

“Y/N has it!” she gasped out between laughs, and your jaw dropped as you realized she was even more clever than you’d anticipated.

Letting Cam down gently to the floor, Roger watched as she took off again, and you shrugged as he walked over to you and gave you a quick kiss on the forehead. “Good morning, love. Have you had breakfast yet?” His arms snaked around your waist, and he glanced behind him to make sure Cam wasn’t in sight before he stole another kiss, this one on the lips and far more eager than the last.

Pulling away before he got too into it, you smiled fondly and rested your hands on his chest, nodding. “I grabbed something on the way here, had to calm my nerves.”

“Nerves? Over her?” he gently teased, squeezing your waist and making you roll your eyes playfully. “Isn’t she a little spitfire? I’ve been chasing her all morning. Can’t wait for her to pass out in a few hours.”

“She is, she is,” you agreed, kissing him one last time before reaching behind you to take his hands and unwrap them from around you. He pouted a bit, but didn’t have time to complain, for Cam came back around the corner with a new game already in mind.

You spent the rest of the morning entertaining her and all her wild ideas. When she finally got sleepy just after lunch, Roger was more than happy to tuck her in for a nap. He quickly roped you into a cuddle session on the large recliner in his living room as soon as she was out, and you found yourself wrapped up in his toned, slim arms, your legs weaved together as you both talked about your first impressions.

“She’s so smart, like unbelievably clever.” Roger yawned a bit, stretching before wrapping his arms back around you and grinning, his eyes heavy with exhaustion.

He looked adorably sleepy, and his eyelids fluttered closed as he mumbled, “Don’t know where in the hell she got that from, because her mother’s no genius.”

“Roger, be nice!” you scolded quietly, Roger snickering to himself as he pulled you closer and buried his face in your neck. “She’s a brainiac, just like her dad.” Roger smiled against your neck, but only made a sleepy noise of contentment in response. Admittedly, you were getting a bit tired too, and cuddly Roger wasn’t helping as you felt yourself being lulled off to sleep quickly. “What if she wakes up while we’re still asleep?” you murmured, closing your eyes as you cuddled closer, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Trust me, she’ll get us up,” he muttered, and you wondered what in the hell that was supposed to mean before you quickly drifted off to sleep, content and warm in Roger’s embrace.

You found out what that meant. You were quickly jolted out of your sleep not even an hour later as Camellia pounced on the both of you, garnering a quick yelp from you and a groan from Roger as you both stirred and blinked sleepily. “Naptime’s over, let’s play house!”

This day quickly became a routine in the months that post-production of Queen’s album neared its close. When work would allow it, you’d find yourself over at his place, spending the day with him and Cam. She quickly grew attached to you, and Roger always told you how she lamented over your absence whenever you couldn’t make it. In fact, she had gotten so used to you being around that she’d accidentally let the M word slip one day, closer to Roger’s time to leave for tour.

“Daddy, no boys allowed!” Cam sassed, trying to shut the door to her bedroom as Roger peeked in at the two of you playing with her dolls. You were cross-legged near her dollhouse, and you raised an eyebrow before sticking your tongue out at Roger playfully. That got a laugh out of him, and he fought back to keep the door open just enough for his head to poke through as he begged Cam to let him in.

“Go away, boys have cooties!” you teased, and Roger shot you a devilish look as you grinned innocently and waved at him.

“Yeah, leave mum and I alone!” Cam added, and that brought you to a full stop as Roger’s face quickly softened. He looked at you with an apologetic look, but you felt a slow smile creep onto your face. If she thought of you as that important of a person in her life, you were more than okay with that. Sure, you weren’t anywhere near ready to be a mom, but the fact that she trusted and respected you enough to call you mom thrilled you.

Relief washed over his face as he realized you weren’t alarmed, but relief quickly turned to pain as he forgot to fight back against Cam’s incessant pushing on the door. His head was briefly squeezed between the door and the doorframe, and you couldn’t help but laugh as Cam giggled evilly at the look on his face.

Giving you a quick glance, he pouted, but there was an almost imperceptible smile hinting at the corner of his lips as he retreated. You watched fondly as he waved at Cam, who was peeking at him through the doorway, and she waved back before quickly shutting the door and starting to walk back over to you.

“Pysch!” Roger yelled not even five seconds later, opening the door and forcing his way into the room as Cam whirled around and immediately jumped on him. You laughed as he pretended to fall to the floor from her attack, letting her quickly take over the wrestling match.

Crawling over to where they were, you watched curiously as Roger whispered something in Cam’s ear. What were they planning, the little shits? You received a trademark devilish grin from the both of them suddenly, and you had no time to react before you were quickly overwhelmed, Cam shouting in glee as she tickled you and Roger held your hands above your head. “Get ‘er, Cammy! Don’t stop till she’s cryin’ for mercy!”

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Tom vs. The Underworld

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

7. All My Best Friends Are MetalHeads

Ever since we met, I started having these strange dreams about him… 

My golden eyes steadily blinked open to the quaint sanctum that was my room. It was an unusual start to my day since I woke up before my alarm, although I wasn’t ready to get up quite yet. I decided to find a more comfortable position in my bed by rolling from my right side and onto my back. I pushed my red bangs that were covering my eyes aside and continued to contemplate the possible meaning behind my dreams.

At first it just seemed like your typical, no-sense-making sleeptime entertainment session that occured every once in a while. But it was starting to form a pattern of happening the night before and the night after I saw him.

The first night after meeting Tom at his Lake House, my mind depicted him sledding down what must have been an endless garbage mountain in a huge metal boot while a gigantic mangy crow chased after him. I’ve had weird dreams before, mainly involving my friends and family, but why would I even imagine something like that to a person I had just met? 

The night before we ran into each other a second time while my family and I were vacationing in Yomi Town, I dreamt of Tom again. This time he stood in a wooden structure full of hay and had an argument with a broom that had long blonde hair and hearts on its cheeks. Yet another vision I didn’t give too much thought to.

The night after he left Yomi Town still continued the pattern, even though it was a short dream. Tom rode in a giant panda-cat-bus, like the one from My Neighbor Torture-o, and was collecting tacos and tennis balls across the land with three large possums dressed up like people. It was a cute dream, I’d love to ride in a bus full of tacos...

But then, the night before I saw Tom again at Madame Morguerite’s, it wasn’t just a dream that I had about him. It was a nightmare. It was a foreboding premonition that felt too real. It was so terrifying that I fought to wake myself up from it loud enough that my fellow students in the dorm were startled awake and wondering what was wrong. I didn’t even realize tears were streaming down my face as I told them it was nothing. They already thought I was different anyway so I’m sure that incident just gave them more reason to ostracise me further.

Luckily for me, I don’t really remember what happened in that nightmare anymore. It was forgotten the moment I woke up. All I remember is that feeling of perpetual sorrow in an infinite darkness...

Suddenly, my Golem--which was now morphed into my alarm clock and sitting on my bedside table--began to clap its hands together in order to alert me of the time. I sluggishly pawed for its head and used my geokinesis to turn it off.   

I slowly rose from my bed and wiped the sleep from my eyes. It was morning but you couldn’t tell because there weren’t any windows in my room. It was always intimately dim as the only light source came from the flickering candles dotting almost every inch of my walls. Bouquets of red spider lilies stood in black vases at my desk and bedside tables while streams of them sewn together by their stems into flower chains decorated the outline of my ceiling before joining together towards the middle and then cascading down my wrought iron chandelier. I’d like to imagine that the combination of candles and blossoms made my room appear to be whimsically romantic, but my siblings often joked about how ritualistic it looked instead.  

“I should get ready, he’ll be here soon…” I said with a yawn while taking a seat at my vanity. The mirror was headed by a springbok skull and beside it on the wall hang my painting of the dimension with 1,000 sunsets. I began to smile to myself while looking at it.

My older sister, Rochelle, was able to go back and get my stuff I left at that etiquette school. There was no way I could go back after the fiasco Tom and I caused. I’ll be sure to work extra hard at her shop next week to thank her.

I need to find a way to thank Tom too… He has done so much for me every time we see each other. And he even wore the necklace we made when he came to see me. Come to think of it, the dream I had of him last night was different… It wasn’t anything weird or silly. Just him. Standing in front of me surrounded by light. He looked very handsome, not that he isn’t handsome already. He smiled at me and held out his hand and I...

I noticed I was blushing in the mirror and quickly shook my head of the thought.

Quit it, Raya. He is a prince. Don’t think like that. Especially having dreams depicting him in such a way, I need to stop that too. He just wants to be friends. I should be grateful he even wants to hang around with someone like me… And my friends… Hopefully they all like him too…

Getting back on task—I get distracted a lot—it was time to get ready for the day and I know it’s going to be great! I needed just the right music to get me started.

“Let’s see, what to listen to today.” I murmured, flipping through my CD album collection in front of me. “Oh! One of my favorites, perfect!”

I removed my Less Than Jack disc from the sleeve of the album and inserted it into the stereo. I then open the drawer of my vanity and began applying my makeup as the song started to play.

~You think it’s strange, that there’s a way…~

“Ugh, why am I starting to get nervous again.” I groaned aloud. I was flying through the air through the demon city, Chernabog, and it was my first actual time seeing it in depth. I had seen the volcanic region of the Mountain of Boom far off in the distance before coming into the city, but now my view was filled with buildings stacked too close together to the point of being right on top of each other. It was a huddled mess of clutter and heavily populated too. It kind of was making me claustrophobic from just the sight of the place. The demons that lived here however seemed to not be bothered at all.

I held up my compact phone to see where my directions wanted me to go next. 

“Okay… I passed that part… And there… Now should be around…” I mumbled to myself while searching for the street name.

 The area I was moving toward was heading somewhat out of the suburbs, which was alleviating some of my phobia. The terrain in this area was even more rocky and extended down into a huge quarry.

“Oh wow, that has to be her place.” I said in awe as I landed.

The home was built into the walls of the pit of rock with limestone bricks as the face. For a girl who says how ordinary her life is all the time, she sure lives in a house that was anything but. It was a rustic kind of chic and fitting for a family of Stone Demons. 

There were tall torches that outlined a path leading to grand granite stairs of the Belmonte home. I walked up them entranced by the beauty of the architecture, completely forgetting about my nervousness.

The front entry was a large double door made of black stone—obsidian, perhaps? It was a nice signature quality by Raya’s father that I was starting to notice more of. After meeting him and seeing his work, I realized my parents bedroom door at our castle home was constructed the same way.

I took a deep breath and began giving myself a pep talk, “Okay, here I go. First step toward getting to know each other better. Meeting her friends… And playing some games at an arcade. I’m amazing at games so this is totally my element. How can this day not be awesome with an objective like that? Today is going to be—“

I went to knock when all of a sudden the door swung open.

“Who’s out here muttering in my doorway!” Raya’s father, Albion, roared while sticking his head out the door.

“Gyaaagh!” I screamed while taking cover on the floor.

Albion glanced down to see me and softened his tone, “Oh, Your Highness? What gives us the honor of your presence?”

I stood up and dusted myself off. “Heh. H-hey, nice to see you again.” He is going to give me a heart attack one day, I just know it.

“I am sorry, Your Highness. I have sensitive ears and pick up sounds easily.” The paternal demon apologized.

“It’s totally okay. Um, I came to pick up Raya. Well, n-not pick her up like pick her up. More like collect her... to go out… Wait! Not like that. Not like a date, sir! We just planned it but it’s with her friends. But totally not a date, sir! Um, so there’ll be others around, not just her and I… Uhh. Yea. Heh.” I gave a nervous smile as my explanation came out jumbled.

Albion was left staring at me dumbfounded.

Suddenly, Raya came hopping passed her father and told him all at once, “Hey Dad, we’re going to hang out with the gang at Tartarus, I’ll see you later!”

She quickly grabbed my hand and led me down her front stairs in a hurry.

“Honey, was that the Prince I heard at the door?” Raya’s mother, Griselda, asked sweetly as she peeked her head from around the archway.

“Yes, dear.” Albion said still puzzled.

“Oh really?” Her tone suddenly changed to a more chastising one, “And you didn’t invite him in for pie or anything?!”

Albion realized the error in his failed hospitable nature and shouted his shame so loud it shook the quarry, “Agh!! I’m dishonorable!”

Once we were on the main path heading back into the suburbs, Raya stopped pulling us along. Though I didn’t mind holding hands, even if it were for the purpose of fleeing that awkward situation I talked myself into with her father.

“Sorry, Tom. My Dad starts asking questions and would’ve had you come in and we would never leave on time.” Raya apologized.

“Oh, no. It’s okay, I understand.” I said with a half smile. “You know, next time if you give me your cell number I can call or text you when I’m close and you can meet me outside.”

“Hmm, I would but I don’t have a cellphone.” Raya mentioned as we started to walk down the sidewalk again.

“What?! A teenager without a cellphone?” I gasped a little shocked.

“Not just me, none of my friends do.”

“And this is normal for you guys?” I questioned. “What about selfies and tagging each other in funny posts on FaceScript and staying up late texting each other and just general nonstop communication any moment of the day?”

“Sounds like a lot of work.” She replied unfazed.

I gripped at my chest and had a pained expression cover my face as I muttered to myself, “Such a simplistic girl has stolen my heart.”

“Hm? What was that?” Raya asked while tilting her head in my direction, not hearing what I had said.

“N-nothing, heh.” I replied as I darted my eyes away. Why’d I say that out loud. I need to be more careful. I need to wait for the right moment to tell her how I feel anyway. I need to focus on meeting her friends and getting along with them first.

“Are you alright? You’re pretty quiet now.” Raya mentioned. I didn’t realize I was consumed by my thoughts for quite some time as we walked through the city.

“Oh, sorry. Just in my head, that’s all.” I told her with a reassuring smile.

“Are you nervous about meeting my friends?”

We stopped at an intersection and waited for a group of demon vendors pulling food carts along before we could cross.

“Ah well, I guess kind of.” I itched the back of my head and glanced at my feet. “They are your friends after all, and since you hang out with them a lot, I want to get along with them too because I hope we all get to hang out a lot together… I guess I’m nervous over that… Like, what if they don’t like me, y’know?”

Raya gave me a comforting smile but didn’t reply.

“What? Did I say something silly? I said something silly didn’t I?” I asked concerned.

“Hehe, not at all.” She giggled but then looked me in the eyes and told me, “I never would’ve expected the Prince of the Underworld to be such a caring guy.”

“Yea… I think a lot of the demons and monsters think that way… Which is why it was always hard for me to make friends… ”

“Well my friends will like the same things I see in you. So don’t worry about it.” She smiled sweetly at me, causing me to smile back at her.

“They’ll like the same things…?” I repeated curiously.

Raya was watching the road as she spoke, “Aside from being the Prince of the Underworld, you’re very interesting. You seem to be into the same kind of music and style as us. You wear your emotions easily; when you’re upset you’re upset and when you’re happy it really shows too. I can tell you’ve been through a lot of changes in your life... But most of all…” She then gazed at me and revealed, “You have a big heart, I like that about you.” 

Did she really just tell me that? Was it an innocent compliment or was she starting to notice how I feel? Maybe I should just ask her now…

So I tried to tell her, “Raya… I—“

“Oh! Time to cross, let’s go!” She announced, holding on to my hand again and running us across the cleared street.

What am I doing? Why am I being so impatient? I kept telling myself to wait but when she does and says things like that I get too overzealous and want to pressure her into something I’m not sure she even wants… Maybe it was just my brain wanting her to understand how I felt. But I couldn’t be too far off. She must be starting to realize how she feels about me. Why else would she be blushing as she told me that?

“We’re here!”

Raya and Tom crossed the street and pushed through the crowd of demons in order to make their way to the arcade just ahead.

The building was crafted like a Greek temple made of a dark red stone material with the name ‘Tartarus’ in flaming block letters across the front of the tympanum. Five demon teenagers stood outside the entrance.

“Hey, everyone!” Raya greeted her group of friends with a wave from afar.

“Late, as always.” A pale yellow female demon remarked. She was wearing a plaid dress, fishnet stockings, and striped hand and leg warmers. 

“With good reason, you knew she was bringing someone important.” A lime green demon said as ze waved at the approaching pair. Ze had dark green dreadlocks with some dyed dark-blue strands and was dressed in typical cyber goth fashion—shiny PVC platform boots, tight black pants with matching vest containing a numerous amount of buckles, and the style came complete with a LED gas mask around zir neck.

“So this is him…” A light-blue male demon said more to himself. He had a blonde Mohawk and some facial piercings. He looked strong from his physique to his jawline. He wore a black leather motorcycle-style jacket with a red plaid long-sleeve shirt wrapped around his ripped-jeaned waist.

“Sorry if we’re late.” Raya bowed for forgiveness but came up again to present the newcomer. “I’d like you all to meet, Prince Tom.”

“Please, just Tom is fine.” Tom corrected still a bit nervous.

Raya then introduced her friends to Tom one by one.  

“This is Blair.” 

“Hi, Blair.” Tom gave a toothy grin.

The lime green demon greeted Tom excitedly and pulled up the black aviator goggles from zir eyes.  ‘He looks like he will be fun!’ Blair delighted zirself over the possible antics their posse could get into with a prince now apart of it.

“This is Kraven.” Raya waved over to an orange demon of considerable height and girth. He wore a maroon long-sleeve flannel shirt, black jeans, and black converse.

“Hey.” Tom brought out his hand for him to shake it.

“...” Kraven continued to stare at Tom sternly, though it was hard to tell if he was actually staring since his eyes were covered by his maroon knit cap.

“He doesn’t like to be touched, and he doesn’t talk much.” Raya pointed out.

“Ah, okay. I can respect that. Sorry, man.” Tom waited for another response as Kraven continued to stare. “Heh… Cool, moving on.”

“This is Tiras—”

Tom went to greet the sky blue demon boy but he already interjected.

“Tiras Zephyrson. The pleasure is all mine, Your Highness.” He spoke with a haughty confidence and shook Tom’s hand quite firmly. 

“Egh.” Tom winced quietly.

Wind began to blow around Tiras as he focused on the demon prince curiously. ‘This is the prince? I expected someone much more frightening and taller, and at least more handsome than me.’ He thought to himself arrogantly.

Tom rubbed his hand a little and continued with Raya to the last two demon teenagers.

“This is George.” Raya announced.

“Gargozoth.” The periwinkle demon boy corrected. He wore a dark-blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows and suspenders hanging down his legs. 

“Yeeaaa.” Raya drew out her agreement but then whispered to Tom, “He goes by that because he doesn’t think his real name is fitting for a demon.”

“Gotcha.” Tom whispered back but then stepped over to Gearge and said, “Hey, Geor--Erm, Gargozoth.” He brought out his hand with a slight smile.

George spoke with the gloomiest of spirits as he shook the other boy’s hand limply. “Your Highness’s appearance is like The Raven. Once perched and gandering down upon all of us from his chamber, but now our presence he’s commandeering. And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor…”

“Uhh…” Tom paused confused. 

“TLDR version means ‘Nice to meet you’, as am I, Your Highness. My name is Indigo.” The pale yellow demon girl butted in with a curtsy. ‘He’s rather cute up close, I wonder if Raya is interested in him.’ She thought with a gleam in her eye.

“Nice to meet you both.” Tom responded. A pensive look began to grow on his face when he saw them. “I’m sorry, but you two look familiar. Have we met before?”

Indigo and George exchanged glances and were about to reply when Tiras took it upon himself to interrupt.

“The Blood Moon Ball. They were two of your attendees you selected at the outskirts of Prickly Plains, or do you not remember that?” Tiras spoke abrasively.

“Tiras…?” Raya murmured as she watched her friend concerned.

Tom quickly thought back to that time. ‘That’s right. I wanted to impress Star by making sure everything was normal for her, so I had Petey post fliers for approachable and attractive monsters and demons to audition for a chance to attend for free. Those two were there.’

~Back Then

“We’re next, we’re next!” Indigo cheered enthusiastically while gripping George’s arm and bouncing up and down.

“Please excuse my portrayal of  excitement, it does not stir from the pit of my soul and overflow to an intense head as easily as yours.” George muttered

The demon pair had been standing in a line that seemed to stretch forever and they finally made it to the front.

“Alright, alright! Once the Prince sees us he won’t be able to say no. He may even be so weakened by my beauty that he will ask me to dance under the light of the Blood Moon. And once Raya and Blair find out, I bet they will be so jealous, hehehe!” Indigo swooned followed by a shrill giggle as she fantasized about how glamorous the occasion will be.

“Ugh… This is going to be absolutely dreadful…” George groaned.

“Next!” Tom called, though he was preoccupied since he was discussing preparations for the Ball with Brian and two other advisors at a judging table.

Indigo ambitiously pulled George along as they approached.

The demon girl began to say, “H-hello, Your Majesty! We think we should be considered because--”

 “You’re in, collect your tickets to the left.” Tom informed them in an aloof tone as he snapped his fingers, barely glimpsing at the pair. One of the advising demons on his counsel pointed to a sizable winged demon in stocks on their left.

“Here you go.” The flying demon handed them the tickets.

Indigo accepted them without hesitation as she held them up victoriously to George. The boy demon just shrugged.

~Now

Tom was a little regretful for how he acted back then. Star consumed his world and, as a result, he neglected the Underworld and its inhabitants. But he knew now that you shouldn’t put up a false act just to win over the affections of another. He concurred ruefully, “You’re right, that’s where I saw them…”

“That’s the only place? You literally don’t remember them at the Ball at all?” Tiras chided now with his arms folded in frustration.

“Hey, you know we were just happy to go. No need to get defensive toward the Prince.” Indigo coaxed but it was no use.

“That’s not what you told me.” Tiras snapped and caused Indigo to jump at his sudden remark towards her.

Tiras kept up his heckling, “I heard it wasn’t anything like it was supposed to be. No bubbling cauldrons that melt flesh off. No garbage that destroys the universe. Was there even unicorn blood?!”

“There was that.” George mentioned aside to the others.

Tom’s eyebrows were furrowed as he stared down at the ground in silence.

“Sorry to be blunt,” Tiras crossed his arms over his chest and denounced, “But if you didn’t care about getting to know two of us then, why should we care about getting to know just you now? And making them go all the way outside of the city to be judged, that’s ridiculous. Prince or not, you should still treat others with some kind of value and not just to show off to your rich friends--”

“I agree with you.” Tom interrupted him.

“Huh?” Tiras gasped astounded.

Tom stared up at the other teenaged boy but didn’t look hurt at all from what he had been saying. He appeared relieved as he explained to him further, “My mind and heart weren’t in the right place back then. I hurt a lot of people and didn’t care how others felt. I was selfish, and full of myself. I wanted everything to be perfect for someone who found me unbelievably annoying at the time…”

Tom glanced at Raya and gave her a half smile as he continued. “It took some help from some special people to see where I was heading. I know now that being that way was wrong. I’m making amends for how I acted.” He then looked over to George and Indigo, “I’m sorry for not giving you my full attention when I should have back then. I hope we’re cool?”

“Yep.” Indigo piped up while George gave Tom a thumbs up.

Tom faced Tiras again and went on to tell him, “And I’m sorry I hurt your feelings too. Your friends are clearly special to you and you’re protective of them. I’d feel the same way you do  if someone treated them like crud. Thanks for being honest with me about how I was. You seem like someone whose dignity I can respect. I just want to start over and make friends the right way…” 

Tiras became flustered as if he were a little embarrassed by the compliment from Tom. He was about to come up with a counter but was quickly cut off.

“Tiras.” Raya stepped in front of Tom. “Remember, this is our Prince you choose to speak so carelessly towards. He’s my friend and I invited him here today. If you continue to try and belittle him then… I’ll lose all respect for you!” 

Tiras mouth was agape in shock. “Ahh, no, no… Raya, I was just kidding. No need to be so harsh.” 

“Apologize.”

“Hey, it’s all good—“ Tom began to say but Raya shot a glance at him that resembled her father’s so he quieted.

Raya diverted her attention back to Tiras and commanded, “Apologize to our Prince.”

Tiras looked back at each of his friends now eyeing him. He bowed down to Tom and mumbled, “I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

“Dude, it’s cool. We’re cool.”

Tiras regained his stance and turned away, walking into the arcade still with tinted red cheeks. Kraven followed.

“Don’t worry about him, Tom. He’s pretty arrogant.” Blair commented while patting the prince on the back. 

“That was kind of a rough start, huh?” Tom said as he looked to Raya for reassurance.

“You’re fine, no worries. Tiras is stubborn, he’ll come around.” Raya smiled at Tom and wrapped one of her arms in his.

Tom began to blush but then Indigo suddenly did the same with his other arm.

“Come on, let’s play some games and have fun!” The other female demon said excitedly but seemed to shoot a strange glance in Raya’s direction, though she didn’t really pay it no mind.

George rolled his eyes, seeing all too well where this was going.

The remaining group of teenagers proceeded to enter the arcade.

“...” Kraven stared at the screen as the score popped up with a victorious tune indicating that he got a rank of ‘S’!

“Whoa!” Tom gasped in awe. They all took turns playing Dance Dance Revoltion but were nowhere as skillful as the latest player.

“Hehe, yep. Don’t let his size fool you, this is Kraven’s favorite game.” Raya explained with a giggle.

The larger teenaged boy stepped off the dancing platform and seemed to slowly be heading towards the food court.

Raya noticed and quickly whispered to Tom, “He always works up an appetite after playing, this is your chance!”

“Oh really?” Tom was a bit apprehensive. “But he doesn’t like to talk I thought?”

“Food is THE universal language! Go, hurry.” Raya nudged the unsure demon boy.

“Alright, here goes!” He gave in with a newfound air of confidence and jogged through the crowd  to catch up to the retreating teen.

Raya called after him, “And his favorite thing to order are the Poisonberry Shakes!”

Tom waved back to show he heard her suggestion, all the while Tiras sat at one of the booths sulking while observing the exchange.

“What’s wrong? Jealous?” Indigo asked Tiras with a mischievous smile on her face.

The blue demon boy shot up from his hunched position and smirked back at her as he replied, “Jealous? Isn’t that your prerogative? A Zephyrson doesn't know such a homely emotion.”

“You mean you try not to show it.” Indigo corrected. She looked rather delighted as she leaned on the table with her chin in her hands.

“Ugh… Whatever.” Tiras scoffed. He was now watching Raya and Blair race each other on a virtual dragoncycle game. “I mean, just because he’s a prince, Raya wants to spend all this time with him. He doesn’t seem that much like one of us. What does she see in him anyway?”

“He’s handsome, duh.” Indigo swooned.

“What?! S-Stop playing around.” Tiras became flustered again. 

“You don’t see it because you are so conceited.” The teenaged girl began to cackle. “But if Raya doesn’t act fast I might have to scoop him up for myself, teehee.”

“Then you have bad eyes if you think he’s more attractive than me!” Tiras argued back.

“Both of you belong together.” George said calmly as he sipped from a coffee mug in the booth behind them.

Both Tiras and Indigo gasped simultaneously after being startled by his presence. “Could you not do that!” 

Kraven was standing at the counter by the time Tom got there. The employee just asked if he was ready to order.

“Hey, man! What’s up?” Tom greeted and hung over the counter.

Kraven glanced down at him but then back to the attendant.

“Yea, I’m kind of hungry too. What’s good exactly?” The smaller teen was trying to skim over the menu board. 

“Well, he is a regular here, he usually always gets the same thing… 20 tacos.” The employee mentioned.

“Okay, I love tacos! I’ll take the same thing. With hot sauce on the side, please.” 

“Alright, one moment sir, let me calculate your order. Is it together or separate?” The employee asked.

Kraven reached for his wallet out of his back pocket but Tom halted him.

“Hey, no problem. This is on me.” Tom offered. “Oh, and can we add two Poisonberry Shakes?”

“Sure, one moment sir.” The employee began typing in the order on her register.

Kraven seemed to stare down at Tom with some curiosity now.

The demon prince paid the total and they both stepped to the side to wait for their food. It was awkward at first since Kraven didn’t really speak but Tom was determined to get to know him.

“So… Tacos, huh?” Tom said trying to break the ice.

“...” Kraven didn’t stir.

“My best friend’s favorite food is tacos, well actually it’s nachos. He makes some killer nachos back on Earth… well I guess it isn’t Earth anymore...” Tom rambled.

The two boys stood in silence again.

“This place is pretty cool. Well, you would know, you guys come here all-all the t-time.” Tom stammered as he rubbed the back of his head.

Kraven leaned up against a nearby claw machine and folded his arms. 

Tom began to think to himself. ‘This isn’t going too well. I knew he didn’t want to be bothered. And why’s our order taking a long time? How hard is it to make 40 tacos? In Yomi Town the food came out quick. This guy probably would never leave… Oh, that’s right!’  

“Hey, were you the one Raya and I bought the chocolate scorpions for?” Tom asked him.

Having caught his attention, Kraven turned his head to focus on the Prince.

“It was you, right?” Tom seemed to be happy to find out he was the one to receive that particular gift. “Dude, you have to go there one day. They had all sorts of delicious food, you’d love it! Raya said a lot of the stuff was imports from up above, food you can’t get anywhere else or that has been banned for sale in other regions! We tried some of these flaming corn kabobs, Minotaur Cheese, and sugared arachnids, and this Hydra sashimi, Pegasuswings breaded in pixie dust (so good!), dry-cured pig-goat bacon, Ember Berry nectar on fresh-caught Scylla eggs—“

As Tom listed the delicacies from Yomi Town, Kraven seemed to be entranced by the wide array of food selections to the point of almost drooling. He didn’t even hear the attendant call out their order number.

“Oh, food’s done!” Tom realized from the fifth announcement. He went to grab both trays but Kraven intercepted them. The larger boy seemed to be offering to carry the trays to the table. “Oh, okay. Thanks, man.”

Kraven gave Tom a smirk with a nod and they went back to join their friends.

“Do you mind if we sit with you, Geo—Gargozoth?” Tom asked.

George fanned his hand to the empty space in the curved booth in a “by all means” kind of way.

The two boys sat down with the other and began to eat.

Tom was putting hot sauce before he took each bite. George watched him rather intrigued. “Curiouser and curiouser our demon Prince becomes.”

“Hm?” Tom looked up from his tray.

“You share a habit with another, is all I mean.” George began to turn the page of his book he’d been reading.

Tom glanced at his coffee mug on the table and was excited to ask. “Oh! You’re the friend we bought the gourmet coffee for in Yomi Town too? That griffin stuff.”

George replied, “Kopi Griff, yes. The beans are digested by griffins and the remains create the coffee.” He then took a sip from his mug as Tom and Kraven stopped eating and stared at him rather disgusted. George gave them a grin. “Heh. No need to fret, this is just regular processed coffee from the food court.”

The boys started to eat again as Blair and Raya came over to the table.

“Tacos! Can I have some, please, please!” Blair pleaded with drool creeping from the edge of zir lip.

Kraven hunched over his tray to protect it.

“Sure, all of you can if you want.” Tom offered.

Tom scooted over to Kraven as Raya and Blair sat down with them. 

“Thank you!” Blair beamed happily as ze reached over for a taco, causing Raya to press up against Tom and left both teens blushing.

“S-so, what did you want to do next? Uh-not just y-you, I mean. What do all if you want to do next?” Tom stammered while he darted his eyes from Raya and focused on the tacos in front of him.

Raya was still blushing as she picked up one and proceeded to put hot sauce on after each bite. “W-Well there’s Sat-Man or Ms. Sat-Man, either one is fun. There’s some shooter games like Gloom, House of the Mewmans, and Spacaga. Or if you want to get real competitive, there’s pitchfork bowling or even flamethrower tag—“

“Oh! Like what we did in Yomi Town?” He remembered as he applied hot sauce before his bite.

“Mhmm!” She muffled a confirmation, not wanting to impolitely open her mouth full of food.

George was watching amused with a slight grin across his face.

“So you guys did a lot there, huh?” Blair asked. Indigo and Tiras in the adjacent booth seemed to be eavesdropping.

“Yea, there was so much to do! There was this awesome temple where they did rituals, and ziplining through the caves, and every hour this flaming geyser Old Fearful erupts. We raced hot air balloons powered by these itty bitty dragons--” As Tom gushed over the trip, Raya began to smile to herself remembering all the fun they had. “--and, like I was telling Kraven earlier, the food we ate at this hotel before going to the hot spring was--”

“Whaaaat?!” Blair interrupted bemused. “Raya and you went to the hot spring together? Like bathed in it? How lewd!” Blair grew a naughty smirk from such knowledge. Kraven hung his mouth open in shock while George almost choked on his sip of coffee.

“N-no, it wasn’t like that!” Raya and Tom both said together flushed with embarrassment.

Indigo quickly popped up from the booth behind them with an alarmed expression after hearing how the situation turned. She moved over to the one her friends were occupying in a blink of an eye with Tiras in pursuit.

“Oh stop your teasing, hehe.” Indigo gave a nervous laugh as she interjected. “Raya is a good girl, she wouldn’t do that. She’s never even had a boyfriend before.”

“Guys!” Raya groaned pulling her hoodie over her head and not wanting to be apart of this awkward subject.

“I swear nothing like that happened!” Tom spat out in their defense.

“Haha! I was just joking.” Blair stuck zir tongue out and winked in a playful way.

Tiras had an irritated expression cross his face as he finally sat down in the booth while Indigo and George scooted over to make what little room they had left for him.   

“Soooo anyway,” Indigo tried turning the attention back to something more appropriate, and less about a possible relationship between her girlfriend and the demon prince. “You were telling us about Yomi Town.”

Tom gathered his composure again and continued, “Oh, well there was also the shopping district. It had this amazing music store, that’s where we bought some of the souvenirs for all of you.”

“Whaaa?” Indigo gasped surprised. “Raya, why didn’t you tell us the Prince helped you pick out the gifts you got us?” she said with a whine, bumping elbows with George. He shifted over to try and reclaim some of his personal space.

“I didn’t?” Raya looked actually puzzled from the thought. She put one of her hands behind her head and tipped it in an apologetic gesture while giving one of her clueless smiles, “I guess it slipped my mind. Heh.”

Indigo lightly slapped her own forehead and mumbled, “Oh Raya…”

Blair realized something and asked the prince, “Ah! So you helped Raya pick all that out? Even mine too?”

“You mean the widely-sought-after-by-fans album of THE Love Sentence with songs that hadn’t been released from when they first started out?” Tom turned toward Blair enthused, “Nah, that was all her before we ran into each other. But, let me just say, I’m SUPER jealous that you got the last copy that was there because if I would’ve seen it first I SO would’ve bought it!”

“Really, really?!” Blair giggled with joy as ze grasped Raya’s shoulders.

“Chyeah! I’m their number one fan!” Tom declared proudly.

“Whaaat?! I love them!” Blair squished Raya closer towards the demon boy by accident during zir fit of excitement--Tiras and Indigo were overcome with distress once again.

Tom was actually unfazed by their closeness this time as he responded to his fellow fan, “Love them so much it gives you an…”

“Awesome Feeling!” Both fans sang in harmony.

“And you were like oooh-aahh-ooohh.” Blair started the chorus as ze leaned in toward Raya’s left shoulder.

“And I was like ooohh-weee-ooohhh.” Tom added, also leaning on Raya’s right shoulder.

“Hey! Why don’t we do flamethrower tag!” Indigo suggested while slamming her hands on the booth’s table and trying to steer the situation again.

Blair snapped out of zir singing session and agreed, “Yes, lets, lets!”

 “Ugh, now?” Tiras protested while folding his arms. “Why not let all that food settle in your stomachs—“

“Come on, it should cheer you up. It’s your favorite game after all.” Raya said sweetly to her stubborn friend.

A blushing Tiras mumbled while he averted his gaze, “O-okay…”

Tom was beginning to notice this change in emotion and the effect Raya seemed to have over the other teen. For some reason he was starting to feel discouraged.

“That’s the spirit, let’s go then!” Blair urged and pointed off as if directing everyone toward a grand adventure ready to unfold.

The part of the arcade that had recreational activities other than video games was at its center and shaped like the inside of a great colosseum. It was mystifying how all this could fit inside such a building, the cramped appearance seen from outside of the arcade was very misleading.

But I’m one to talk, I built my carriage myself and it is as if stepping into another dimension because of all the space inside.

The application of the flamethrower device was the same and so were the rules. The playing arena was much different than the Yomi Town since it went with a very Roman theme, fitting for this arcade. I knew it would be fun based on the activity and the game chosen; however, the only thing I was apprehensive about was our team dynamics. Raya, Blair, and Indigo were the opposing team against us guys.

I couldn’t lie; it was still a bit awkward with the group I was in. Kraven was still hard to communicate with since he didn’t like to talk and George spoke in confusing sentences at times. Then there’s Tiras. He doesn’t seem to like me at all. And I feel that bias has to do with Raya. If I didn’t know any better, he obviously has a crush on her.

We were traveling through the hypogeum of the arena with Tiras in front, Kraven on the tail end, and George and I together in the middle.

Tiras, who was our acting captain, halted at the edge of a long stone ruin and peered around to see if he could spot the enemy. If it wasn’t for the light of the torches, we would barely be able to see in front of us.

“Let’s hold here.” He ordered. We all huddled close behind him.

I take it being in a leader role was something always expected of him by his group of friends. He seems confident and is without a doubt strong. So having someone like me here, future ruler of all demons, must make him uncomfortable. And his reluctance to get along with me also stems from my friendship with Raya. Her and I spend time together where it’s been just the two of us. So he is probably jealous of that too the more he hears about it... How long has he known her? And how long has he liked her? I wonder if he ever told her…

I wonder if I told Raya how I felt, would she really want to be with someone like me that she hasn’t really known for very long…?

Since Tiras’s back was now all I could see from our formation, I noticed some band buttons on the lower flank of his jacket during my deep thinking. 

LTJ? Hmm, I like that band too… At least we have some things in common other than our love interest with the same girl.

Tiras glanced behind him and caught me staring down his back. He became flustered and questioned me, “W-Whatcha gawking at?!” He tried tilting his head to see down his backside.

I also became flustered and began to chuckle nervously. “Heh. N-nothing. Just uh, admiring uh, your butt-uh—”

“What?!” Tiras’s blue skin color turned completely red.

“Buttons!” I quickly corrected myself. 

The other teen darted his head forward again still blushing while Kraven and George could be heard snickering behind us.

Wow, I can’t believe I just said that. Now he can add ‘being weird’ to the list of why he’s uncomfortable around me.

“So…” I started to say in hopes of breaking the awkwardness, “What’s the plan?”

Tiras cleared his throat and tried calming himself enough to respond to me. “W-we’re going to head down that passage way on the right.”

I popped my head around the corner to see what he was talking about. It looked completely dark down that path while another passageway was leading back up to the main floor.

I thought over whether I should mention that or just keep my mouth shut. Maybe he doesn’t realize the disadvantage we might be in or maybe he has something up his sleeve…

I’ll just give it a shot anyway. So I suggested, “Wouldn’t it be better to head back upstairs where we could see?”

“What? Is our prince scared of the dark?” Tiras spat out.

Dude, do you even know what real darkness even is? Or what it feels like…

Unexpectedly, George spoke up on my behalf. “I agree with Tom. Do we continue to run blindly through the madhouse to a destined fail? You know they always find a way to beat us at this game.”

“Well that’s not happening today. That’s why we are going to give them the element of surprise by doing something they won’t expect.” Tiras assured us of his view for victory.

“Surprise!” Blair shrieked while zir head popped up from a shadowed spot in the floor between Tiras and I. 

“Gyaaagh!” I screamed from the sudden shock of seeing only Blair’s head as we all started to run. Ze started to laugh maniacally as ze held up zir nozzle and unleashed the flames from within zir tanks.

“And so it came to fruition as I have prophesied..” George groaned.

“Hey, we agreed on no powers!” Tiras protested while ducking behind another pillar.

“Hm? Must’ve missed that part.” Blair disputed and stuck out zir tongue. All of a sudden ze stepped out of the shadow on the floor and pulled Raya and Indigo out of it.

“Well if that’s how we are going to play then… Let’s play!” Tiras had a gleam of excitement in his eye as he brought his hand by his own nozzle. I felt a gust of wind shoot passed me and twirl around him just like when he shook my hand during our first encounter. Within an instance, as the gust blew, it merged with the fire from the flamethrower and hurled at the other team in mighty blast.

“Determined to win, are we?” Indigo smirked while commanding Raya to act quickly. “Hurry Raya, let’s show ‘em!”

“Alright.” Raya piped up as she placed her hands to the ground. All of a sudden a stone wall came up in front of their group and shielded them from the inferno. It ignited on impact and trembled the chamber.

“Are you sure this is a game? You guys are acting like you are trying to kill each other?!” I objected.

“This is how we play, Prince.” Tiras remarked. He quickly squinted his eyes as if searching for something but then became alarmed. “Oh no! We lost sight of Blair--”

“Surprise!” Blair shrieked again now popping out from the darkness in the wall. Ze unloaded zir flamethrower on us yet again.

Kraven immediately shoved us out of the way and sacrificed himself by taking the brunt of zir attack, which luckily hit only the sensor on the flamethrower apparatus he was wearing. By singeing the sensor, you would be considered ‘out’.

“Haha! One down, one down!” Blair cheered. Ze quickly retreated into the shadow before ze was tagged by Tiras’s burst of flames.

“Ugh! This sucks!” Tiras growled with clenched fists around the gun of his flamethrower. 

Kraven shrugged and headed toward the lobby of the arena to wait for the game to finish.

“Perhaps would be a keen moment to take flight back to the world above.” George insisted.

“If you mean run upstairs then I second that!” I added. 

Blair rejoined Raya and Indigo as they stood their ground.

“Whatever, lets go before Blair tags us all.” Tiras faltered.

As we proceed to the path that led upstairs, a wall of stone suddenly built up from the ground and blocked the way. by Raya’s doing, of course.

“Uh-uh, not so fast.” Indigo teased. “Looks like you’re going to lose again, Tiras.”

With their flamethrowers ready to fire, the enemy was closing in. George gave a sigh in defeat and Tiras had his head held down as well. I felt kind of bad for him. They mentioned that this was his favorite game but he seems to always lose from what George said. And today hasn’t been a good day for him at all. He didn’t seem to have any fun or participate during any of the games until now--one in which we are losing. Even if he didn’t like me, I didn’t want him to feel so crushed any longer.  

If this is how they want to play, then I might as well get serious too. Fire is my specialty after all.

And with that, my three eyes began to glow and I brought my hands up. All of a sudden, a wave of fire exploded from the ground, too fast for Raya to create a barrier of stone to stop it or for Blair to escape into a shadow from it. The flames broke through the ceiling and sent them flying into the air above ground, hitting all of their sensors in the process.

I levitated the guys and myself above ground as the alarm was sounding off in the arena that indicated that our team had won the game. Everyone was mystified at such a feat, including Tiras.

“That was freakin’ killer, Tom! What a way to win!” Blair congratulated me.

“Definitely did not see that coming, but you are a prince and we shouldn’t have underestimated how amazing you are.” Indigo concurred as she plopped down on the couch.

We were now in one of the swanky karaoke rooms in Tartarus. There were all sorts of colorful lights on the ceiling that would move in sync with the song and huge speakers were in each corner of the room to give a solid surround sound. There was a long leather sectional couch with a table in front of it with some pizza we ordered. The video monitor on the wall was idle and waiting for its first singer to approach, but we all had been too busy discussing the session of flamethrower tag we just got back from to even begin. 

George sipped from his coffee mug beside Indigo and told her, “I must admit, I was beginning to lose the faculty of enjoying that activity, alas seeing your destruction unfold for the first time has given me a change of heart.”

“Hey, stop rubbing it in.” Indigo nagged at him.

I was a little embarrassed from all the praise. It wasn’t my intention to show off, I just didn’t want Tiras to lose. I hope he understands.

I glanced at the other side of the couch where he was sitting to see his reaction. Raya was sitting next to him and flipping through an album of songs. Watching her made my heart race and almost forget why I looked over there. But instead of seeing a scowling Tiras, he was chatting with Kraven (more like a one-sided conversation) and didn’t have that miserable expression anymore. He looked somewhat happy!

I smiled to myself knowing I at least accomplished a few of my goals I set out to do today. But I still felt as if there was one more push I could do to really win them all over.

“Who wants to go first?” Indigo asked as she cradled the microphone in her palm.

“Me, me!” Blair waved zir hands as if to be picked.

“No way, you always choose a Love Sentence song so you get to go last this time.” Indigo refused to give the microphone to zir.

“Aww but I want to sing ‘Just Friends’ with Tom!” Blair whined.

Raya slammed the album shut to gather everyone’s attention. “Actually…” She stood up and stepped over to me as she suggested, “Tom should go first since he won the game for his team. And he is our special guest for today.”

I blushed as she spoke. “Well, if you really want me to… But what should I pick?”

Raya handed me the album and said with a smile so sweet I could surely get cavities from, “Anything you choose will be fine.”

“Yay! Can’t wait to hear it!” Blair cheered as ze hopped over to the couch and sat on the other side of George. 

Raya returned to her spot beside Tiras and waited for my selection. Tiras and Kraven continued their side conversation quietly as Indigo and George began to eat some of the pizza with Blair.

I went over to the karaoke machine with the album and started flipping through it. I felt all this pressure on me now. What if I pick something corny or silly? What if I pick a song they hate? Maybe I should just pick anything and give it a shot…

Suddenly, my eyes caught the name of a very familiar band. I thought it over but had this strange feeling deep down that it had to be a song by them. It was as if it were fate. Of all the songs to be listed by them, the one I went to choose was my favorite. I knew all the words without the assistance and it was fun, wild, and different. Just like Raya’s friends.

I punched the song number into the machine and sat the album on the shelf next to it. I retrieved the microphone from Indigo and stood at the front of the display screen, confident of my selection.

I took a deep breath and was ready to belt it out.

As the instruments from the speakers began the intro of the song, the demon teenagers sitting on the couch all froze in bewilderment. From the horn section to the drum build up, they heard a song they all knew too well.

Tom began to sing without reservation. 

“You think it's strange, that there's a way

of how you looked and how you act and how you think,

pretend they're not the same as you...

You think it's strange, that there's a way

of how you looked and how you act and how you think,

pretend they're not the same as you!”

His voice was in perfect tune and didn’t trip up at any of the lyrics that came fast. It was as if he was meant for this kind of lifestyle.

‘OMD, I love his voice!’ Indigo thought with hearts in her eyes.

George was in mid-sip of his coffee and had his eyes totally fixated on the demon prince.

‘He’s incredible!’ Blair was clapping in celebration of the prince.

Kraven’s mouth was hanging open in awe.

“Whoa…” Tiras whispered to himself as he listened intently.

“Do you know about her strength in convictions?--

Raya’s eyes had that dreamlike expression cross her face. She was holding one of her hands to her mouth and couldn’t believe what she was witnessing. ‘Is this really happening? This was the song I played this morning and…’ She thought. 

--Or how she puts all her faith in religion?”

As the lights gleamed a brilliant white light against the singing teen, he glanced in her direction and held out his hand to her while singing.

“Did we take the time to really discover--

Raya’s eyes began to sparkle as she remembered, ‘This was my dream…’ She instinctively reached for his hand but stopped herself. Amid everyone getting caught up in the thrill of the song, Raya had an indescribable feeling overcome her. She held her hands to her cheeks to hide the fact that she was blushing.

--How little we know about each other!”

The lights were spazzing out with the drop of the chorus. The group of friends couldn’t contain their urge anymore. They all erupted from the couch and joined in singing along and dancing about.

Tiras, Tom, and Blair went back and forth on the mic between lines:

“Keep us from saying anything--” ~Blair

“Can't separate from everything--” ~Tiras

“And all this really means is you're one in a crowd--”~Tom 

“And you're paranoid of every sound!” ~Tiras and Blair

“Another friend you won't miss anyhow!” ~Together

Everyone was rocking out with the music and enjoying every bit of it as they all took turns singing the rest of the song with Tom. Except Raya. She didn’t realize she was still seated but quickly stood up as soon as she did so to not arouse suspicion. Indigo looped her arm in hers and tried to get the other girl to skank along with her. Raya did, though only slightly since she was still bewitched by what was overrunning her mind at that moment.

As the song came to an end, everyone clapped and hollered for the prince.

“That was amazing! You’re amazing!” Blair jumped up and down while holding onto his shoulders.

“Bravo, bravo.” George clapped along with Kraven.

Indigo had pulled Raya with her into the huddle. “I can’t believe you can sing like that, and a song we all love too! How’d you know?”

“Thanks everyone, that was so fun!” An exhilarated Tom beamed. He was grinning from ear to ear because he finally felt accepted.

Tiras approached Tom and they both held each other's gaze for a moment. But then the demon boy did something Tom never would’ve expected. He smiled at him, and genuinely at that!

“You’re exactly who we’ve been looking for!” Tiras said with a toothy grin as he wrapped one of his arms around Tom’s shoulders.

Tom was taken aback by the sudden personality change and stuttered, “W-what? L-looking for?”

Indigo folded her arms across her chest and watched Tiras with a peculiar expression, “Oh, buddies now hmm?”

“Of course!” Tiras began to repeatedly pat Tom across the back lightly as he spoke, “This is our prince! He is just like one of us, can’t you see it?”

“Hmm...With a voice like that, he’d really help us achieve the style we’re going for.” Indigo commented.

“And he is fun to hang out with. I vote yes!” Blair added.

George and Kraven both nodded their affirmation.

Raya was standing outside of the group as if not wanting to be seen. She was clutching her hands together to her chest still deep in thought and not paying attention to the conversation. She didn’t hear Indigo call her name until she placed her hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, Underworld to Raya. Anybody home?” Indigo asked while nudging her.

Raya snapped out of it and faced the other girl. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was just… I’m sorry, what were we all talking about?”

“You felt it too, right? The way he sings is perfect. It’s what we’ve been searching for. Let’s ask him.” Indigo told her. 

Tom finally interjected, “Um, excuse me but ask me what exactly?”

Tiras stepped away from their friendly embrace and joined his friends. They all faced Tom and had a look of both admiration and determination on their faces.

Tiras smirked confidently and asked of him, “We want you to be the lead singer in our band. Will you join the Seven Undeadly Sins?” 

[megalony]

Roger’s girl- Lily-May

This is another one of my Roger as a single dad fics, and it doesn’t correlate to the other fics I wrote but has the basic characters with a different storyline.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @langdonzvoid @butlegendsneverdie @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Shut up about that fucking tour!"

Brian, Freddie and John all turned around, eyes simultaneously moving to look at the drummer in a mix of confusion and slight horror at the outburst that slightly scared and provoked each of them. They had a tour coming up in just over a month to promote their latest album which had been flying off the shelves just like A night at the Opera did. Roger was always more than excited when this happened because he usually loved going on tour, what made this time so different that he seemed to hate the very thought?

"Come again?" Brian questioned, hesitation in his voice as he wondered if there was another meaning behind Roger's words. Seeing the drummer sighing in pure aggravation, rubbing the glasses that perched on his nose before brushing his mop of hair away from his face.

"I'm not doing the tour." All three men looked to Roger in confusion at the words that spun around in their minds on a loop. They had been in the studio for about four hours now and all of them knew Roger was either drunk or on drugs. No one said anything because he could still play the drums, sing and he was coherent although he wasn't really talking much until now apparently. Freddie sometimes turned up higher than he should but it was their lifestyle and they couldn't tell one another what to do and what not to do.

"Rog, your pissed." There was an edge of annoyance in John's voice though he simply sighed at the end of his sentence as he shook his head looking to the other two band members. He wasn't going to take the drummer seriously if he was drunk or on drugs which he clearly was right now, they could tell as soon as he walked in and sat down. Roger liked going on tour, he liked visiting new places and he loved live shows, even if it meant being away from home and from his daughter when she couldn't come with them.

It was usual for Freddie to turn up slightly drunk or sometimes after having used drugs but they could deal with that because he didn't really act much different. They were also used to Roger turning up in a state, but not drunk or drugged states like he currently was. Roger always used to turn up in a depressed or seemingly blank state, he would play the drums perfectly but he just wouldn't interact with them as much. That was mainly when they were recording 'a night at the opera', for the past four years he seemed to have been getting back to his hyper and happy state.

"Rog, your not really in the best state of mind to say that, just think on it." Brian suggested, a gentleness to his tone rather than annoyance because he was the only band member who knew of the struggles the drummer faced. They weren't going to get anything sorted with him in this state.

"I mean it, you can go and do this tour without me 'caus I'm staying at home." He knew even when he was sober he wouldn't want to go and do this tour and he didn't want to sit here and have them try to change his mind. His head was in a bad state right now and he could only make sense of his thoughts when he was drunk. Sighing John looked to his friend, wanting him to explain why he had suddenly decided that he didn't want to do this after planning the tour with the rest of them a few months earlier into the year. Slinging the guitar strap from his shoulder and setting the instrument down beside him as he gave Roger his full attention. Wanting to hear the reason why because this wasn't something they usually faced.

"Alright, why not?"

"'Caus I'm not doing it. I don't want to fuck off for three months, I don't want to be stuck in a bloody bus playing scrabble I don't want to be tired every single day and die from dehydration after every show I'm not going." Roger's voice rose as he spoke each word until he suddenly launched one of the drum sticks in his hand across the room, managing to hit the glass that separated the recording booth they were in from the control room. Freddie was quick to lean away out of the firing line before staring at the drummer in shock and slight anger as it was almost aimed at him. He had thought this through even if he was influenced by drink and they knew they were going to have a hard time changing his mind.

"So what do we do now darling it's all planned and booked, and you always have a dramatic moment before we go then you end up loving it when we're on tour." Freddie stated, seeing his words provoked anger in the drummer because they were all trying to ignore what he was saying.

Locking his jaw Roger stood up, not wanting to listen to this because he knew he was staying at home. His demons were hounding him and being on tour was going to make them become worse because he couldn't go onto stage drunk or high. His mind was worse when he was sober and he couldn't handle himself right now, if he went on tour he would be depressed and he didn't think that was very appealing to any of them. He only managed to walk a few feet around the drum kit before he stumbled, knocking the cymbal and leaning on the wall for support. Setting his guitar Brian walked over to the drummer and grabbed his arm to steady him, but Brian suddenly frowned. Narrowing his eyes he tugged on Roger's sleeve pulling it up revealing the drummer's wrist to his eyes causing Brian to reel back in anger and pain. Reaching out he pulled the glasses from Roger's nose revealing bloodshot eyes that were unfocused, a sure sign he was very high right now.

"Fucking hell Rog-"

"Get off I'm fine." Roger cut off, breathing getting worse but he was simply ignored by Brian who was growing angry which was a rare sight. Turning around Brian started walking, pulling his best friend with him and out of the recording room. Shoving Roger down onto the sofa in the control room with a huff before grabbing a mug and filling it with coffee and placing it in the drummer's hand.

"Drink that and sober the fuck up." Brian stated, nodding to Jim to get out and leave the drummer alone, watching him scurry off before Brian went back to the band and shut the door behind him effectively cutting Roger out so he could calm down and get sober. Freddie ran a hand through his short hair rubbing at his head as he had caught sight of the cuts marking Roger's wrists that were inked with dried blood. Having seen a very prominent scar over his vein which looked very worrying.

"We can't do the tour with him like this." Brian stated when he came back down, leaning against the glass window as he felt like crying.

"What's going on with him, I've never known him to be... like that." John didn't know how to put it nicely. Roger was a reckless person at the best of times, but he had never been suicidal or the kind of person you thought would try to hurt themselves. Seeing him in such a vulnerable yet reckless state was one John was certainly not used to and one he didn't fancy seeing again.

"He's only done that once. Just before we started A night at the Opera I went round to check on him, and he'd slashed open both arteries on each wrist and was passed out in the bathroom." Brian allowed a tear to fall at the memory that still caused nightmares to plague him. Roger was his closest and oldest friend, they started out in a band together trying to make something of themselves. He had been there when Roger confided in him that he was depressed and then Brian was the one to call for help when he attempted on his own life. He helped Roger through that stage of his life but he didn't think he would have to do that again.

"Don't we need to tell someone- (Y/n) or his parents or someone?" John couldn't just let Brian take the drummer home and leave him there with the threat of him hurting himself. They needed to tell whoever was closest to the drummer that he was becoming a danger to himself again so someone would be able to look after him or stay with him for a few days.

"He didn't tell his parents last time, they only know he has depression. And (Y/n) isn't his girlfriend, he has this thing where he won't allow himself to date anyone. And obviously Lily is only five so that can't happen."

They all knew Roger had flings, he normally wandered off with a different woman every so often, never seeing the same one again but they thought he would have had a girlfriend by now. Especially (Y/n), John simply assumed that they were together due to the amount of time the drummer spent with her and how she always seemed to bring Lily to see them. He also assumed (Y/n) was Lily's mother, now realising he had been terribly wrong.

"When Lily was one- just before the album- her mum died, and I'd honestly never seen Rog like that before. He went in phases, he wouldn't let anyone look after Lily or even see her for over a month and then a few weeks later he got high or pissed every day leaving Lily with his parents. Then one day he'd dropped Lily off with his parents before cutting himself, he didn't know what he was doing from one day to the next. He really did love her, they were gonna get married."

"He's not looking after Lily right now is he?" Freddie felt rather nervous at the thought of Roger waking up and then going home to look after Lily when he was clearly high and not in the right state of mind.

"I don't know. After the Opera tour, he stayed with me for a few weeks and we got him clean and then Lily lived with him again, he wouldn't do anything to put her in danger he is amazing with her." Brian couldn't see Roger going home in that state with Lily present, he was always so careful around her like she was glass he didn't want to break. He loved the bones of her and was so overprotective that Brian couldn't see Roger stepping a foot out of line wherever she was concerned.

Sitting down on the sofa about an hour later Brian looked to his friend expectingly, seeing that Roger seemed to have sobered up quite a bit in the last hour which was a good sign. He also looked a lot calmer, staring down into his empty coffee cup waiting for his friend to say something.

"What's going on?" No matter what was going on the pair would always be able to talk to one another. Even if they'd had an argument they would go back to chatting a few minutes later as if nothing had happened, Brian was the only person other than (Y/n) who Roger could talk to about anything and could trust in. Leaning back into the sofa Roger sighed before turning and locking eyes with Brian who waited patiently for him to start talking.

"I don't want to leave Lily." Brian's eyes narrowed for a second or two as he clearly didn't believe that was the only thing worrying the drummer. Due to the timing of the tour Lily would still be attending school and Roger could hardly pull her out for three months to go on tour with them, it wouldn't be right nor fair on her. Brian knew Roger had worries when it came to Lily, when they'd been on the past two tours Lily was young enough to be able to come along with them and when they were on stage someone simply watched her for Roger and that was fine. But when he couldn't bring her along he seemed to panic a lot and Brian understood why. He hated leaving her, especially since he was the only parent she had.

"And... I thought (Y/n) was gonna look after her?" (Y/n) was one of Roger's only other close friends, she'd been there when he'd suffered depression and she was now Lily's babysitter due to Roger's heavy schedule with the band. On tour last time (Y/n) had switched looking after Lily with Roger's parents and this time she was going to look after her for the whole three months. "What's worrying you, Rog?"

"Lily asked me the other day if (Y/n) was her mum and I freaked. I- Christ I think I love her Bri but I can't fucking do that." Reaching over Brian rested a hand on Roger's back trying to give some sort of comfort knowing words simply weren't going to be enough this time. Brian knew Roger had made some kind of pledge to himself about this and he hadn't broken it yet. He would have one night stands but that was it, Roger promised himself he wouldn't get involved with anyone because he didn't want to feel like he was forgetting Elizabeth. He also didn't want to do that to Lily if she got attached and then it didn't work out, Lily was his world and he told himself she was all he needed and up to now that had been enough.

"She's bound to ask that, (Y/n) sees her practically every day... as for loving her, I can't tell you what to do. But maybe it's a good thing, it doesn't mean you're forgetting Lizzy or disrespecting her. Lily gets along with (Y/n) clearly and you've got something different that's been a thing for four years. Please don't hurt yourself by denying yourself something that you may want." Brian couldn't tell him what to do, but he didn't want to sit back and see Roger become upset that he had lost out on something with (Y/n) because he thought he wasn't allowed it or that he shouldn't deserve it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A gentle smile instantly formed on Roger's lips when he caught sight of the toddler clinging to the doorframe, daring to peek her head into the room to see if it was alright for her to enter. Roger knew she was silently asking for permission because of how he'd been the night previous, although he had tried to keep up their usual routine be had still been slightly hungover and upset from the talk with Brian. Lily knew when something was up. Usually, the blonde would waddle straight into her father's room no matter what time and go straight to him. Running a hand through his slightly damp hair Roger ruffled it as he beckoned her in with his other hand before reaching out and picking her up when she hurried over to him.

"You alright princess?" He questioned, brushing a few strands of hair from her eyes and tucking them behind her ears, bouncing her on his hip.

"Wanted cuddles." She responded, burying her head in the crook of his neck making his heart flutter as he kissed the top of her head, swaying them side to side. Roger loved the fact that Lily was his little double. She had the same scruffy blonde hair and ocean blue eyes as he did, and she was starting to take an interest in music, specifically the drums Roger had in the apartment.

"Certainly. Come on, breakfast before we need to go." Reaching out Roger grabbed the plain white button-up shirt laying on the bed before turning and walking out of the bedroom and down the short corridor leading to the rest of the apartment. Throwing the shirt on the back of the sofa before walking into the kitchen and placing Lily down on one of the worktops. His lips pressed to her forehead before rummaging around for the bread and popping it into the toaster. Lily reached and turned on the radio next to her, her eyes following Roger around as he grabbed plates, a knife and jam and butter from various cupboards and the fridge.

They had a usual morning routine as their lives were built around as much routine as Roger could with his job, wanting some kind of stability for both of them. They usually had toast for breakfast on the weekdays, pancakes at the weekend which they got up earlier to make together if Roger still had to be down at the studio. On weekdays (Y/n) came round at eight o'clock every day to take Lily to school before she headed to work, and dropped her off on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays when Roger didn't finish early enough. They also had the nighttime routine of Roger reading her a story and letting her fall asleep with him before putting her in her own bed later on unless he fell asleep too.

It was usual for Lily to creep into his room with him on most occasions, not seeing him much during the day so she stayed with him at night. It always made his heart flutter when he woke to find her buried in his arms after remembering distinctly that he crept into her room slowly as not to wake her to put her to bed.

Turning back around a moment later Roger placed a plate of toast on her lap, resting his plate beside her as he leant against the counter not bothering to go to the table.

"So, remember I'm picking you up today It's drum lesson tonight. And what else happens on Fridays?" Roger stated, smiling at seeing her face light up in remembrance that it was Friday. Friday was when Roger got off early from the studio, one of the few days he made sure he left on time to pick her up so they could grab tea and then he could teach her some drum skills back home.

"Pizza with mama!" She stated happily, dropping her toast to clap her hands as Roger fought hard to stop his smile from faltering ever so slightly. Every Friday they had pizza, most of the time homemade, and (Y/n) spent the night with them. It worked out well because they could watch a movie after drums and in the morning when they got up early to make pancakes (Y/n) could stay with Lily when Roger left for the studio or take her out somewhere.

Roger had told Lily that (Y/n) wasn't her proper mum and she understood that, having been told by him many times of the little stories of her real mother. But Lily insisted that (Y/n) was some kind of mum because her mind understood (Y/n)'s looking after her as a motherly role which it essentially was. Roger still felt conflicted about whether to ask (Y/n) out or not, not wanting to ruin what the three of them had or disrupt things for Lily.

"Yep, pizza with your mama, who will be here in five minutes so eat up." He responded, shoving the rest of his toast in his mouth making her giggle. Roger couldn't tell her not to call (Y/n) that, she was young and he didn't want to upset or confuse her. Knowing she referred to her actual mum as mother or mum so he didn't really mind.

Taking her empty plate in his hand Roger pulled up from his slouched position, about to turn away to the sink but stopping when her small hands suddenly plastered on his chest. A smirk formed on his lips as he didn't need to look down to know what she was doing. Her fingers tapping the ink happily as she felt very giddy, knowing that it was a tattoo dedicated to her. Roger had never thought about having a tattoo before, but after losing Elizabeth and becoming more reckless he realised the one thing that was stable in his life and centred him was Lily. He knew he had something in his life worth living for, to stop him from even thinking about attempting on his life again and so got a tattoo for his little girl.

"Mine!" She stated with a squeal, looking to Roger with stars captured in her eyes as he brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear, nodding along.

"Yours, princess." He stated, leaning on his elbows which now rested on the counter as he smiled happily at her. It had her full name in italics, with a cream coloured lily blooming around it with the name in the centre and a lime green lilypad just to the side which had black numbers in it stating her date of birth. The tattoo was on his chest just above his heart and whenever she saw it she made a point of stating that it was hers which Roger loved.

Reaching forward she placed her hands on his face, clumsily pushing a few strands of his hair away as Roger looked back at her in adoration. His smile widening when she leaned and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Thank you, princess." He laughed before pulling up with her in his arms, setting the plates in the sink, setting her down to her feet when a knock at the door sounded throughout the apartment. "Go let her in." He stated, ruffling her hair before she scampered away to the door as he made his way to the sofa, shrugging on the top he left there earlier though not bothering to button it up. Allowing it to leave little to the imagination as he knew layering up wouldn't do anything when he was in the studio for he would sweat through every layer he wore.

"Mama!" Her giddy voice rung in Roger's ears making him smile as he silently checked that he didn't need anything but his car keys and his wallet for lunch. Nodding at his mental checklist before grabbing Lily's prepared school bag and her coat, seeing she had slipped on her shoes already.

"Hey chick, we all ready to go?" Leaning against the doorframe (Y/n) smiled as her heart flipped at the name she hadn't heard Lily call her before. Eyes quickly glancing to Roger to check it was alright, seeing his eyes crease at the sides in a reassuring smile with a nod of his head at the silent question. Walking over to them Roger slung Lily's bag over his shoulder before taking her hand, seeing she had grabbed (Y/n)'s hand. He locked the door before the three of them made their way down the stairs since they were only on the third floor. "I'm gonna go shopping today and get the stuff for pizza night, what toppings do we have in mind?" Her eyes glanced between the two of them, seeing sparkles in Lily's eyes as she jumped between them, tugging on their hands happily.

"Ham!"

"Nah, bacon." Roger stated with a shake of his head as they headed down the second set of stairs, both him and (Y/n) lifting Lily between them causing a round of giggles to flood their ears.

"How about a meat feast?" (Y/n) compromised, earning hums of approval as she made a mental note of that. It was a tradition to make the pizza, even the dough from scratch, although on one or two occasions when they were all too tired or it didn't work out they simply ordered one instead. Reaching the car park they all stopped in front of (Y/n)'s car as she took the bag from Roger's shoulder and placed it in the back.

"Right, I'll see you when you finish princess." Leaning down he wrapped her up in a tight hug, lips pressing to the side of her cheek and then her forehead making her smile before he pulled up and opened the door for her to climb in.

"Love you, daddy."

"Love you too baby." Smiling as he shut the door he turned to lean against it as he looked to (Y/n) whose smile made butterflies erupt in his stomach.

"Are you sure it's alright for me to let her call me mama? I mean I don't mind I love the bones of her but-" His smile seemed different to the one she was so used to seeing, there seemed to be more genuine behind this one, as if he was being rather bashful or embarrassed about something. Her head leaning to the side as she stopped her nervous babble when he seemed to want to say something.

She really did love Lily, having known Roger when he was with Elizabeth she knew Lily since the day she was born and then when she started looking after her it was like she had had a daughter of her own. But (Y/n) really didn't want to overstep the mark, she wasn't Lily's mother and she certainly didn't want to lead Lily into thinking along those lines if it was going to hurt Roger in any way. She had no right to impose because she was simply a babysitter and close friend.

"It's fine, you are a mother to her and we both love you... I was thinking, maybe we could both pick her up today, surprise her? It's what other parents do, right?" For how much his heart was speeding and how much adrenaline was coursing through his veins Roger thought he would have rushed through his words at the same pace. Yet his question came out rather slow and thought out as he dared not look at her, simply reaching and taking her hand in his own. He couldn't deny that (Y/n) was a mother to Lily, she was amazing with her and was always there whenever Roger needed help, and Lily deserved a mother like (Y/n) because she was wonderful.

They always had their asserted days in picking Lily up which worked with their schedules, and Lily saw it as either her mother or father coming to collect her like all the other kids. Roger wanted that for her, he didn't want her to just have her father or her babysitter coming to collect her, he wanted her to have her parents there and for them both to be there to show how much they loved her.

(Y/n)'s grip on his hand prompted him to look up at her, seeing tears glistening in her eyes making him panic for a second that he had overstepped the mark. But when she leaned forward and cupped his face in both hands pressing her lips to his all the worries he had melted like ice as he held onto her waist.

"I'd love that." Her voice came out barely a whisper against his lips but it was music to his ears. "We need to go or we'll be late, but I'll meet you here at three so we can go pick her up." Pressing a last kiss to his lips (Y/n) pulled back, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve before she hopped into the car. Seeing Roger give a wave to the pair of them before moving to his car parked next to hers, unable to stop the smile from lighting up his face.

[storiesforallfandoms]

surprise performance ~ eminem

word count: 1288

request?: no

description: on the night of her first big award show, her boyfriend isn’t even responding to his text messages, but little does she know, he’s already there

pairing: eminem x actress!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist

i’ve had this in my drafts since the oscar performance and i wasn’t going to post it cause i didn’t think anyone would like it but fuck it it’s happening now

She checked her phone again as they called for another commercial break. She sighed in annoyance upon seeing that her boyfriend still hadn’t responded to her text messages.

On any other occasion, she wouldn’t have been this pissed about. He had just released an album and was working on a tour for the album, she understood that. He wasn’t obligated to go to these award shows with her if he didn’t have to, and she knew how much he hated award shows.

But this was different. This wasn’t just any normal award show. This was the fucking Oscars, and (Y/N) was nominated for her first Oscar! In the Best Actress category too! This was a big deal for her, and Marshall knew that.

She wasn’t upset that he couldn’t come as her date, that was fine. But the fact that he wasn’t even responding to her texts was starting to piss her off. He may be planning a tour, but she knew he had at least a second to text her to wish her good luck, like he always did.

(Y/N) shook her head, trying to let the anger wash out of her. The last thing she needed was to be caught looking upset and have every entertainment news outlet write an article about why she looked so upset - they’d probably even twist the story to make it seem like she was angry if she lost the award.

They announced that the show was starting again and advised everyone to return to their seats. The lights went down and a spotlight lit up the stage. Lin-Manuel Miranda took the stage to announce a segment about music within films, and showed a compilation of famous movie scenes that included famous songs.

The compilation had the room grooving along to the songs, (Y/N) included. It started to lift her mood, until the instrumental for Lose Yourself started to play and scenes from 8 Mile were shown. Her slight annoyance returned for just a moment, but seeing Marshall’s face on the screen, she couldn’t help but smile.

The compilation ended and the opening chords to Lose Yourself began to play. (Y/N) sat up a little straighter, not sure if she was imagining the situation. An entire orchestra rose from the floor, and Marshall was stood in front of them, starting to perform his Oscar winning song.

The entire audience was in shock but were soon jamming out to the performance. Marshall had the entire room captivated. (Y/N) was glowing with pride for him. Her face was hurting from smiling for so long.

When the performance ended, (Y/N) was the first out of her seat, cheering the loudest as everyone followed. Another commercial break was called and (Y/N) immediately ran for backstage, determined to find Marshall as soon as possible. He was stood talking to some producers of the Oscars, his back to her. She ran for him - at least as fast as she could in heels - and jumped on his back, nearly pushing him over.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” she asked, jumping off his back and properly giving him a hug.

“I wasn’t allowed!” he told her. “Sworn to secrecy. These fuckers had a snipper to my head on the regular. If I even hinted at it my head would’ve been gone.”

The producers laughed and continued on to make sure the rest of the show was going smoothly. Once they were gone, (Y/N) took Marshall’s face in her hands and kissed him.

“You could’ve at least answered my texts,” she told him. “I was starting to get upset. Full on ready to be a crazy bitch and start a fight.”

“You’re a crazy bitch anyways.” (Y/N) hit his arm. “See? You’re just proving my point.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come as your date, and I’m sorry I didn’t text you but I knew I’d accidentally tell you and ruin the surprise. I wish I could’ve seen your face.”

“Oh, I’m sure someone caught it on video,” she assured him.

“You know I would’ve walked the carpet and been in the audience with you if this wasn’t planned. I know this is a big night for you.”

(Y/N) smiled and leaned into him. “I know you would’ve. And because your surprise was so epic, I’m not as mad anymore.”

“Not as mad?”

“Yeah, I’m still mad cause you didn’t fucking tell me!”

~~~~~~

Instead of going back to her seat, (Y/N) decided to stand backstage with Marshall until the Best Actress category was called. Suddenly, she was filled with nerves. She was shaking so bad she could barley even see.

Marshall squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it, okay? Whatever happens, you’ll always be a winner.”

“That’s way too corny of a thing for you to say, say something insulting,” (Y/N) told him.

Marshall chuckled. “You’re a fucking loser.”

“Thanks, I needed that.”

The presenters gave a brief monologue about the nominees before presenting the award. The mere seconds of silence felt like forever as (Y/N) held her breath in nervousness. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest.

“And the Oscar goes to...(Y/F/N).”

(Y/N) nearly collapsed when her name was read out. Marshall wrapped his arms around her, holding her up while also hugging her tightly. Tears started running down her cheeks and she thanked her stylist for recommending waterproof mascara.

When she finally was able to compose herself, she walked onto the stage and accepted her award. She took a few deep breaths before beginning her speech.

“Wow, this is...wow,” she breathed. “I didn’t even prepare a speech, I really didn’t think I’d win. Um...first and foremost, thank you to the cast and crew. Everyone worked so hard to make this movie a possibility and, I know it’s cliché, but every one of you guys deserve this Oscar too. I wish I could just list off everyone but I’d be here all night. Of course, thank you to my mom and dad who were always there for me, who always hyped me up and told me I could do whatever I put my mind to.”

(Y/N) looked over her shoulder, spotting Marshall standing backstage, watching her speech. “And finally, thank you to the absolute love of my life, Marshall Mathers. Before I even met you, you were such an inspiration to me, and ever since we started dating you’ve been so supportive of me and you’re always pushing me to take any movie opportunities that come my way. You always believe in me, and if it weren’t for you I might’ve let this role pass me by. I owe so much to you, I love you so much. Thank you, and thank you to the Academy for this award.”

The crowd cheered as (Y/N) walked off the stage, gripping her Oscar so tightly as if her life depended on it. Everyone standing backstage cheered and congratulated her. She thanked them all quickly and made a beeline for Marshall, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him deeply, so lost in her happiness that she forgot the full room behind them.

“Let’s go back to my hotel room,” she told him.

“You don’t want to wait for the end of the show?” he asked her, although he didn’t look like he was about to fight back on the idea of leaving.

“Why? I already got my award. And this statue is pretty cool, too.”

Marshall smiled, kissing her again before wrapping an arm around her waist and escorting her out of the building.

[peaches-of-1]

Peachtober | Day 17: Lotus

I didn’t realize this wasn’t in queue, so sorry for this being a few days late!

Hey, guys! Some of you may not know I have a side blog called @iris-idol where I do a sort of self insert kind of thing about my life as an idol. The first part is done at this point and here is a sneak peak of something I haven’t posted it yet.

September 11th, 11:59am

I was so ready for Namjoon’s birthday since he was able to come home from service to celebrate it. I sent him “Happy Birthday, oppa!” at midnight as I planned to do with all of my other members when it was their birthday. We had performed together not too long ago. He had only joined the Army last month. I remember crying so hard when him and the other members of the hyung line left together.

For now, Maknae line had formed a subunit and TXT was having a comeback soon. I was also really excited to finally have an offday just so that we could celebrate with Namjoon for a few hours. Since the show was done, the members that would become Dei5 were in the beginning stages of our trainee lives.

It wasn’t too much right now, just coming up with our concepts to make sure we have clear goals to work towards and stuff like that. Of course we had our deities to research nonstop and there was a ten page essay we had to turn in, written in Korean, to make sure we were making good strides towards understanding what persona we were going to put forward.

For me, that was Iris, goddess of the rainbow and fellow messenger alongside Hermes. A lot of my clothing would be rainbow themed, but also my color was pink. That meant I kept going towards super cute and unicorn imagery. I wanted to do something really aegyo and kawaii but also mix it with hard rock. My Trinket aka symbol was a rainbow rose so there were a lot of duality aspects I could do.

We were going to be a rock-rap group from what BigHit officials told us. I was excited to learn hardcore about rock culture because I had lived it mostly during middle school and high school. It was obvious why I was chosen for the show if they were going for a rock inspired group since I took a lot of vocal inspiration from Adam Lambert and Evanescence. 

Alice would be Lyssa, goddess of madness, and her color was black. She had a secondary aka accent color which was silver. She was half Korean and half Aussie, so her blonde hair and blue eyes were completely natural much to people’s surprise. She had been super shocked to be chosen for this group since the final vote was up to the Korean people. Alice was queer. She didn’t put a label on her sexuality and rarely ever specified what she meant other than saying love is love and she wasn’t going to let society get in the way of her heart. Her trinket was a black lace blindfold.

Jun aka Lan Caihe was like our big brother/sister so far. We were pretty sure he was going to be the leader because both Jun and her deity were genderfluid. Jun went by any and all pronouns and liked to dress more closely to a femine aesthetic. Back home, she did drag and made a lot of friends that way. He was the oldest...I think. Anyways, Lan Caihe’s color was green and her symbol was a bamboo flute.

Oppa was Hyojoon, a cutie that was shorter than me and his deity was Igong Hallakgungi and we mostly just called him Halla. By “we” I meant most of the non-Koreans who were on the show because long words are hard. His color was blue. His was the deity of life and death since his deity watched over said garden. Meaning his trinket was also a watering can. Since the show was over, he no longer had to stand out so much. He let his white hair fade and his roots were coming in.

Our youngest was Tristan. He went by Tristan and liked that better than his birth name, so I didn’t think about his actual name. He was a sweet guy and adored me so much. I adored him right back. I called him my little brother, and I meant it. The way he called me Noona was different from how he called Jun or Alice. Like I was his actual big sister. Although we both had other siblings, we treated each other like we had wished our siblings treated us. Basically, I babied him quite a bit. He enjoyed that because he was the oldest of three sisters.

He was kind of like my soul mate. My best friend. My brother.

He then asked me how my training had been and I told it was good. I have honestly just gotten back about a week or so ago. I spent the last month hanging out back home and collecting the rest of my things that I wanted to bring to Korea since I’d be living here from now on.

There was a knock on my door, probably my manager coming to take my phone and tell us lights out. We weren’t allowed to have our phones until after we debuted and after we made a certain amount of revenue.

September 12, 9:21pm

Namjoon oppa had wanted a casual costume party, but I was not a casual person. So I took a shower before showing up to the boys’ dorm in a starry dress. We had planned to make him the center of our galaxy for the night meaning everyone was wearing something with stars or planets or moons on them. Although the trainees from Deify weren’t very close to a lot of the other members of BigHit Entertainment, we had been invited.

Jimin was already redfaced and giggly when I arrived. I bowed and spoke politely to Yoongi who had been a judge on the show as well as everyone else. I wasn’t allowed to drink because we would have meetings and such all day tomorrow. It was mostly just eating and watching videos on the TV.

“It’s nice to see you again, Farai.” Namjoon said my birth name. “You look well.”

“Thank you. You look great too, all healthy. How has your training been, or are you done with that now?”

He handed me a slice of cake, “It’s done with, but I have big news to share with everyone. I guess you can find out first.”

“How come I get to know first?” I asked.

Namjoon shrugged, “You’re good at keeping secrets, and I trust you. Also, you might be able to give me some advice.”

“What do you mean by advice?”

“I’m going to be sent to America for most of my service. They said somewhere in the South, and since you’re from that area, I was hoping you could give me some tips about how to act.” He said, leaning on the counter by the fridge.

“Ah,” I replied. “I see, well. I think you will do a good job because one things I was going to tell you is to be respectful and to call people older than you either ‘Sir’ or ‘Ma’am’. However, you already do that. Hmm,”

I took a moment to think and noticed he was nervously playing with the hem of his new jacket gifted to him by Jungkook.

“Oh, I think this will be a good tip. Two things are really a big deal when it comes to business and older American people. One is eye contact. It shows that you are listening to them and paying attention. Second is a firm handshake. I do not know how you will be treated there, but do your best not to be shy.” I giggled. “Strong but silent is good, though.”

I went on and tried to show him what a firm handshake would be like, his hand lingering in mine as I did my best to explain in English and choppy Korean.

“Iris!” Taehyung turned the corner into the kitchen. “I’m so glad you’re here. I want to show you something.”

So he motioned me over and Namjoon let me join the younger member. Tae had wanted to show me some music and lyrics he wrote for me and was really hoping I could consider adding it to my album. I was taken by surprise. What was I supposed to say?

“Ah, I um. I will try. I will talk to the music producers and see if they will consider it. We are not working on music at this moment, but it sounds really nice. You have grown so much as an artist, Taehyung.” I smiled at him wearing a star spangled beret.

Then we went back to the party for a bit. Trainees couldn’t stay for too long because the grind was just beginning and we were learning Korean. I felt so out of place but also star struck because there were so many idols there. Namjoon was the only one in orangey clothing, so he was easy to find in the crowd.

One of his non idol friends was hitting on me. I was being nice, doing the whole Southern Hospitality thing, but I was not interested in the slightest. He spoke to me in broken English and did his best to hold a conversation with me, so I hung around. Until..

“Will you twerk for me?” He asked.

I bit the inside of my lip and tilted my head, “Um, what?”

“Twerk, you know...with your booty. Like girls in video.” He replied.

“Hahahaha~” Namjoon said, slapping his friend on the back. “Don’t be stupid, Han-hyung. That is really rude.”

The man blinked, “Is it? Really? Is that not just what black girls do?”

“Hahahahahaha~~no. No it’s not. I am so sorry, Farai.”

“I am going to play with Yeontan.” I replied and left them to that.

Tristan hugged me, “Noona~ You look sad.”

“It’s nothing. Just an idiot.” I responded.

“I love you, Noona. You are amazing and strong. Whatever happened, you just add it to reasons why you have to change Korea’s ideas of what someone like you does.” He said, rubbing my back.

“Thanks, my lovely deongsaeng”

Yoongi also wanted to talk to me about my future and songwriting and stuff. He had been a judge on the show, so things were still kind of tense between us. Yoongi had been nice, but I didn’t feel right calling him Oppa just yet. He reminded me that I was going to make the biggest splash as a BigHit artist but also to just focus on being a trainee for now. I would have all my life to deal with the stress of being a foreigner, of being plus size, of having my natural hair, of being dark skinned in Korea. For now, I just had to show that I was an idol first and foremost.

“I promise I will not let you or BigHit down.” I said.

He smiled, “Good.”

Jungkook’s voice called my name next and he said that he wanted me to help with his gift for Namjoon. Right now, it was hard to say no to anyone older than me, especially someone I looked up to. Still, if it made me too uncomfortable, I would have to reject his offer.

“I want to give him birthday kisses. It’s become a tradition now, and I know you have to go soon. I was thinking that we could each kiss one of his cheeks, if that’s ok with you.” The BTS maknae spoke to me in English since he was fluent in it and I was not that fluent in Korean just yet.

“Wouldn’t that be too easy to turn into a scandal of some sort?” I asked.

He waved away my concern, “Don’t worry about what the fans will do. You already have had several dating scandals. Anyways, this is for fun, and I know Namjoon will like it. Don’t you want to see him all blushy and shy?”

I bit my lip and put on a playfully stubborn face, “Maybe…”

Jungkook smiled and we went over to to behind where the birthday boy was sitting. The star eyed maknae counted to three and then both of us leaned down to place a small peck on either of his cheeks.

“Happy birthday, hyung!” Jungkook said.

Namjoon hid his face in his hands, but I could tell he was smiling. Then he looked up at me.

“Et tu, Farai?”

I pointed to his own member, “It was Kookie’s idea.” and giggled, only the color of my skin hiding how I was blushing too.

Alice traced her fingers through mine, “Come on lovebird, we have to go. Work starts early tomorrow.”

I nodded and we told everyone goodnight and farewell.

October 21, 10:33am

I was so ready for Halloween. It was fun trying to come up with ideas of what to do and of course it got turned into a sort of mini promo. When it came down to it, we were basically going to disappear for two years while we trained for Dei5 and wanted to make one final noise before we poofed.

So, we released a short Halloween song and were going to be doing busking in order to promote it. It was a remixed version of “Spooky Scary Skeletons” and all twelve of us who had been on the show were learning a dance for it. We had been working on it for two weeks now, just the dance part. The song was done in about a week. Halloween was in 10 days! Ah, I was living for this.

I knew that what we were doing was simply the tip of the k-pop idol iceberg, but I was just so happy to be busy and doing what I loved. It was frustrating at times since this was all short notice, but I liked it. Today, we worked on gathering costumes for our busking performances. We tried to choose stuff from the same show or franchise, but Imani now understood my distaste towards morph suits. So superheroes were out of the question.

Then we got the idea while playing video games with Sooja and Matthew just a few days ago. Mario characters. Everyone said I had to be Princess Peach, but I wanted to be Peachette. So that’s how we all evolved into all the “-ette” versions of the characters we had chosen. Well, most of us.

I was Peachette, Tristan was Bullet Billette, Alice was Bowsette, Hyojoon was just a regular Boo, and Jun was Yoshette. James was Piranha Plantette, Sooja was Boosette, Matthew had decided to go for Walette while Dongmin decided to be Wariette. Nawoo would be Toad, Gina went for Daisy, and Imani was Rosalina.

We were mostly looking for skirts and dresses. For Dongmin and I who were the two bigger members of the group, literally, we did some online shopping from our phones while everyone else did their things. I was able to get a really long blonde wig to fit my head from a place that Jun told me her drag queen friends always went to.

Jun said he would help me style it to fit Peachette’s hair. I was so thankful for him because I’d be struggling without her.

As my little group of Alice, James, and Nawoo went to the party section to see if the fabric pens were there, my eye caught the cutest arrangement of Halloween gift bags. I looked back at my manager and gave Kyung the best puppy dog eyes I could manage aven pouting a bit. I had talked about doing a project like this before, but he said he didn’t want to spend money on it.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed three packs of 20. He then left us to grab some of the huge bags of candy. I wanted to do something for the people who would be watching us perform. And for Halloween, that’d be candy. The only rule was that I had to make the bags myself. Yeah, that was extra work for myself, but I would always do it for Halloween and Valentine’s Day. The only reason I wouldn’t do it for Christmas is because that was festival season, the most stressful and busy time of the year. I didn’t want to get in the way.

October 31, 3:03am

I had finally finished all of the bags and tied them up. It went faster because of Tristan and Alice helping me, but still. They had extra practice to do to help their dancing skills. Alice was a fantastic dancer, but she didn’t have a great sense of rhythm. I put the last dozen in a wagon that Hyojoon oppa had let me borrow for this since it looked haunted.

Now, I had to go to bed for about seven hours before having to wake up and get ready so that we could be shoved off to perform in Hongdae and Itaewon. They were closer to our dorms than Busan and Ilsan and Daegu.

October 31, 12:30pm

Dei5 had a short meeting where we found out that our official logo would be a lotus, a symbol of rebirth and renewal. It would have five petals for each of us. We would go for a regular sort of symbol, smooth and simple, the lines were not too thick or too thin. It gave us the chance to alter it and remodel it for each comeback. Honestly, it would just be five gold petal outlines with a white center.

It was all that we could talk about with our other members.

I was getting a call from Taehyung during a quick lunch break before we continued dancing. We were at some traditional Korean place and eating bimibap, kimbap, and cold noodles.

“Hello?” I said after swallowing.

“You can’t call her. She can’t know about this.” It sounded like Jimin’s voice in the background.

Taehyung responded, “It’s not like we have many options.”

“If she was invited, you’ll see her there. Do you want to get in trouble with the Mentors?” Jungkook asked, worry and fear in his voice along with concern.

“No, Noona would get mad.” the current middle child said.

“So put down the phone.” Jimin said.

And the line went dead. I stared at my phone confused. What was that all about? Gina asked what the phone call was about and who it was from. I told her it was from Tae but it must have been a butt dial. Whatever, I had noodles to slurp up.

October 31, 7:22pm

Now in full costume, I was ready to dance with the others. I can’t believe it’s been over a month since since Namjon went back to serve. He had a lot of American fans, so he was seen through fan cams. Same went for Hobi, Jin, and Yoongi who mostly did office work. Well, Jin was part of Army Band and Hobi was in another performance Army thing.

“Hey, is it just me, or are there less people out on Halloween than during the day?” Imani asked.

I admitted, “I’ve noticed that too.”

“Do you guys not know?” Sooja asked, extremely puzzled. “Ah, I guess since you’re not usually in Korea during this time of year, and you haven’t been out much because of training, but um. There is a yearly masquerade party that idols go to. Some normies or trainees get invited too, but that is the only way you can go. By invite.”

Tristan added, “Yeah. I honestly thought we would have gotten invited, but I guess they want to train us first.”

Then they went into talking about what kind of rumors surrounded it. How people could go missing if they talked about it or how the person they talked to would disappear. It was very hush hush, like the bedazzled elephant in the room. Everyone who was anyone knew about it and got invited, but no one could really talk about it. Overall, it was a masquerade ball. Oh, I’ve always wanted to go to one of those!

There had been a livestream earlier when we were performing, made people who watched guess who each idol was. It was like a very intense but also fun fandom test. How well did you really know what your faves looked like?

We finally got into Itaewon for the third time today and there were people waiting for us. Like it had been happening all day, but it was still strange to see so many people who wanted to see us. Kyung had surprised me by setting up a total of 200 other goodie bags for fans who came out to watch. Him and the others were dressed in capes.

Our last stop was at N Seoul Tower. My skirt was actually shorter than the original dress just because I didn’t want to have to carry it around and lift it up as I danced. It was a pink lolita dress and Sooja actually had the Toadette/Bowsette crown. She helped make more for all of us.

We would do a Six song set and finish with our Halloween song. I was in three of them with the other members who would make up Dei5. Alice and I did our “No” by CLC cover and we did our easier group choreo afterwards.

Then it was time for “Spooky Scary Skeletons”. The twelve of us got into formation.

“Mortals, Deities, and everything in between~” I spoke.

Matthew added, “We only have one thing to say.”

“Happy Halloween!”

We had cut up the lyrics and such to the famed Halloween song and added two different rap sections for it to help showcase the rappers. I was having such a good time when the first dance break came in and we marched in sync and then posed. It was mostly dance heavy, so it was mostly just remembering what order to do them in. Muscle memory was my best friend in this case.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw the cape wearing staff handing out my little baggies. They were filled with chocolate, non chocolate, and a few trinkets like Vampire Teeth and the like. Also, 100 of the ones that I did not make had special codes in them to get a preorder when our CDs came out. They would have to use them wisely and try not to lose them.

Everyone was given glowsticks too, so we lit up the area more than the tower behind us. Then we all went to the front.

“Boo!”

Stay still for 10 second and then we all held hands and bowed, “Thank you! Happy Halloween! Thank you for all of your support!” and then it was done.

October 31, 10:00pm

I couldn’t help but fall asleep the moment I got home. Yes, it was bad to sleep in makeup and yes I would probably get in trouble for it when I woke up tomorrow because trainees had certain things to follow and wiping off our makeup and doing skincare was one of them. So I’d pay for it later. Right now, it was time to sleep.

I couldn’t help but dream about what it would be like if Namjoon and I danced together at the masquerade ball. The theme would be fire and ice, no jewel tones, no, space. Definitely space and so I could wear a more dramatic version of the outfit I wore to his birthday. However, I would need to be more careful. I was a girl. I was a foreigner and Gods Dammit, I will be an idol.

[kalluun-patangaroa]

BRETT ANDERSON

The Beat Juice Magazine (exclusive interview)

16 May 2011

Written by: Daryoush Haj Najafi

Growing up in the nineties, Suede opened my ears to guitar music. Suede were the first indie band I remember kids talking about at school, maybe because their records were teaching us what chasing the dragon and amyl nitrate were. The first time I ever went for a coffee I’d just bought Dog Man Star, the day it came out, and needed to talk about it and smoke the French cigarettes I’d bought to really get into the mood. I had my first pop star crush aged 19, when keyboardist Neil Codling joined the band and the first night I saw Suede perform at the launch of Head Music was also the first night I had sex. At the interview Brett looks exactly how you’d imagine an early-forties version of Brett Anderson to look, in a suit, side parted full head of hair and super skinny. He’s also super polite and mostly un-starry, although there’s definitely an unspoken air of professional pop star distance.

Suede were this huge pop band, we were fourteen and the kids in my class who weren’t even that into music were talking about your first few records.

Brett Anderson: We were always very ambitious - that’s where the pop comes in. I never wanted to be part of the indie ghetto. We were keen to almost subvert the mainstream, not just be some weird indie band that the indie kids are into and not just be some obvious pop band. We wanted to say interesting things to real people and reflect the murkier corners of life. But to do it to an interesting tune. I love indie music and I love obscure music, but I always thought indie was quite smug and ambition-less in lots of ways. Especially when I was in my twenties, I was very, very arrogant and very ambitious and wanted to break out of that world.

I’m sort of obsessed with class. Do you think that is a function of coming from a council estate? Brett Anderson: I don’t think you can be English and not be obsessed with class, can you? I’ve never ever fitted into any stereotype. I’m an educated, artistic kid from a working class background, and I wasn’t part of an art school clique. I studied architecture at University, but that’s very different from going to Goldsmiths. You know, my dad was a taxi driver, I’m from a very working class background, but not a conventional working class background. I always felt sort of beautiful in-between, stateless, nation-less. That’s where the constant references in songs to these sort of nowhere places come from, because I never really felt that I belonged anywhere. Suede was partly a real desire to form an identity, and sort of virtual family, and sort of place to belong, I never really felt I belonged anywhere, growing up, even our sense of family wasn’t particularly strong. I’ve always felt this constant search in life to belong to something and Suede is the closest thing that I found, until I was in my late thirties, to actually belonging anywhere. What the later parts of Brit-pop lacked, which you and maybe early Verve had, was this extraordinary vision of beauty. Where did that come from? Brett Anderson: Yeah, well, I’m glad you picked up on that, it’s an element to Suede that people tend to - not ignore - it’s easy to focus on the sort of brasher side. It’s very seductive to talk about the Brits performance, and Animal Nitrate, and all those references to drugs and sex and stuff like that - for me they were almost like an entry point for people. But beauty and songs like Sleeping Pills, Wild Ones and Asphalt World, they were the message of Suede. A song like Metal Mickey was a great song and has an amazing energy of it’s own but that was never the song I really wanted to write. It was always the darker, more atmospheric, moodier, murkier things that I wanted to write, songs that really dragged people into some sort of emotional landscape. There was always the duality seeing the world as an intensely beautiful place but also an incredibly threatening place at the same time, where you could find the murky corners of life too. A lot of your songs seem to have this sense of tribalism. Brett Anderson: As a teenager in the early eighties it was an incredibly tribal time, everyone at school was either a mod or a punk or a skinhead or a headbanger. Which gang you belonged to said who you were as a person. This was when I was thirteen or fourteen, when I first started buying records and I suppose that influences the sort of band I wanted Suede to be, I wanted them to be the sort of band people would get tattooed. I just wasn’t particularly interested in Suede just being liked; I was only really interested in Suede being loved. Suede was about the intense passion of being loved as a band and constructing a universe for people to dive into and that was all part of the iconography of the sleeves and the worlds I sang about, and possibly the overuse of lots of the imagery was all part of it. Maybe it was all part of my need to belong somewhere. We established a Suede landscape and I always loved those bands that did that. Maybe it’s a very much overused reference point but I did grow up loving The Smiths records, and loving what they did, and the kind of tribalism they created. You were never as miserable though. Brett Anderson: No, definitely not, I never wanted to be The Smiths, emulating people shouldn’t be about wanting to sound like them. I was talking to Jamie from Klaxons and he said he was a huge Suede fan when he was growing up and that Suede were the reason he wanted to be in a band. You listen to Klaxons and they don’t sound anything like Suede, and that’s the biggest compliment. That they took something of the spirit of Suede, they didn’t rip off the cord sequences, they didn’t rip off the words, and they didn’t dress like Suede. They just took something of the spirit and sense of aiming to achieve something that was meant to be a little bit unachievable. And they created this incredible, very original band. I’m really proud of that sort of influence. It’s the same with Bloc Party. There’s all these bands that have told me that Suede have been incredibly influential, but they don’t sound like Suede, that’s almost like a double compliment for me. There’s a huge difference between Suede’s second album Dog Man Star and Coming Up. Brett Anderson: Yeah, it was our attempt to make a pop record. When Richard Oakes and Neil Codling joined the band, it was essentially a different band. We just happened to have an old name, so it was bound to sound different. But also the whole experience of making the second Suede album was incredibly intense, you can feel it in the music - it’s a very dark, tortured, and almost psychotic record. I almost had a mental breakdown making that record. I suppose I didn’t want to go that extreme again, Dog Man Star was as far out as I could go in those terms. For my own sanity I wanted to make something that was a little bit less pretentious, I suppose. Hopefully, it’s the right side of the line, good and not bad pretentious, but it is definitely ambitious and all of those kind of things. And you know, making Coming Up was much more communicative, for want of a better word, it was a fun process, but I’m incredibly proud of that album as well. It’s a lot less introspective than the first two albums, but it’s still got some great pop songs. My stepson absolutely loves Filmstar, he’s like 6 years old and just dances around, it somehow communicates something primal. Songs like Beautiful Ones and She and all of those songs, they’re just very, sort of, simple songs. My one beef with Suede was that maybe you were a bit retro. If you weren’t a dance act, could you really be a nineties band? Brett Anderson: Every band of the nineties has to accept that dance music was the defining genre of the nineties. Even though, to be honest, most people with taste look back at guitar music as being defining, guitar music in the nineties wasn’t a new form of music and I think you have to accept that. It was the last defining music of any decade. Suede weren’t part of that, definitely not, because we were a guitar band. It wasn’t so much about being retro, just about being honest to the music we played. There’s a struggle between wanting to be as super modern as possible and wanting to be beautiful, right? Brett Anderson: I know what you mean, beauty for its own sake maybe isn’t very deep. All I know is that a lot of music is about instinct and less about theory. The dominant force for me was always, ‘is this a great song, does this move me emotionally?’ Rather than ‘does this move me mentally?’ It’s like when you look at art, you know, when you look at paintings, like the impressionists people, like Gauguin and Manet, people like that, great artists. I’m very conscious that I’m just looking at a pretty picture, but it doesn’t mean I’m any less emotionally engaged with it. Let’s talk about being a massive popstar as well. You were really good, really good at manipulating the media. Brett Anderson: It’s incredibly easy to manipulate the media, I always found it strange that the media were so shocked about Suede, the sex and drugs were just references to everyday life. Obviously I did want to get Suede noticed and, looking back, I don’t think I was that good at talking to the press. I think I could have been cleverer and I fell into lots of traps. I overdid it and created a bit of a hate figure in myself, the legacy of which I’m still paying for. All that was an entry point for lots of people, but I also put people off the band. I do regret that. What’s your favourite Suede song? Brett Anderson: The Wild Ones. It’s just instinctive really, it’s just a great song. The dominant force for me is trying to be a great songwriter rather than trying to be some sort of artist/musician. The melody has a very captivating emotional beauty, the words are not the best words I’ve ever written, but they work in the context of the song. Your quest half the time as a song writer is trying to make the words work with the music. Writing a lyric for a song isn’t writing poetry. You’re very much trying to make the melody do something to the power of the words. It’s like sometimes the glibbest, stupidest pop lyrics can acquire a real power with a certain melody. I learnt what chasing the dragon was and what amyl nitrate was from your songs. I don’t think you’d get away with that now. Brett Anderson: We did get away with it quite a lot, to have the song Animal Nitrate to be a radio hit and to be a top ten song. The biggest achievement wasn’t charting at number seven, but sticking at number seven the next week, meaning it had reached a completely different class of record buyer. It was a very risqué song, you know, sex and violence in its most ugly form. It was a real personal victory for me that song, one of the points of my personal manifesto and Suede’s manifesto was to get a song in the top ten that was basically an homage to deviancy. And we’d always wanted to write a song that irresistibly worked as a pop song, and pulled you in emotionally, and then (click of fingers) threw this lyric at you. And we did that with So Young and the chasing the dragon lyric, it’s there and you can’t do anything about it. You’re one of those bands that taught me how to ‘be’, in a way. If I sit next to a boy, I’ll forever feel like a Pet Shop Boy, and if I sit in the back of a black cab, I’ll forever feel like I’m in the Asphalt World and remember that line “drive to the end of the city”. Brett Anderson: I always wanted to create a world, all the best bands do. A lot of it is idealised, the reason I created such a specific world is probably because I felt excluded from that world. I grew up in a council house in Haywards Heath, but it wasn’t like a sprawling council estate, it was just little matchbox houses, you know the kind of thing, suburban hell. It wasn’t a dark, oppressive environment, it was much more subtle than that. There was drugs, alcoholism and deviancy, but it was all hidden. Suede was very much my paean to the London that I had felt excluded from when I was younger. I used to go to Haywards Heath railway station and look up the railway tracks to London and dream. I think there’s a sense in suburbia and outside London that you fail if you stay in these places. There’s a sense of achievement just being here and living here [in London]. It’s the only place where I sense life means something. What about the whole heroin thing? How useful was it for a songwriter? Brett Anderson: Interestingly enough I was never taking a lot of that drug during the early nineties. Cocaine was much more… To be honest, the most influential drug during peak Suede was probably ecstasy, lots of the androgyny and all the questioning of my sexuality was all born from ecstasy culture. Growing up in the late eighties and going to parties and raves, ecstasy broke down the sexual barriers, and made who you are sexually less important and who you are emotionally more important, and confused all of those barriers. My whole desire to sort of be androgynous and all of those things was all a response to ecstasy more than anything else. Why was everyone so fussed about you being androgynous? In the eighties loads of pop stars were. Brett Anderson: Exactly, it’s not like I was Boy George! I don’t know why it was so outrageous, I think because we were from an indie background and so that made it iconoclastic, because the indie world was and still is about guys staring at their feet in grey t-shirts, playing their Rickenbackers. It’s very conservative. When you said you were a bisexual who has never slept with a man, was it more about empathy with your fellow man? Brett Anderson: That’s exactly what it’s about. In fact that statement - which has come to haunt me - was taken completely out of context and I was actually talking about songwriting and how I use my imagination to go within other people’s bodies. I’m basically a writer, but people always think songs are written in the first person, and I’m a writer of fiction sometimes. So this empathy, is it, you know, a spiritual thing? Brett Anderson: It was very much about empathy for the human race rather than just specific narrow constrictive things. That sounds very general and slightly meaningless, but like I said, I was talking from an emotional point of view, so it’s difficult to talk about empathy without it sounding empty, you know? But yeah, of course, that’s what you plug into when writing songs, that’s what playing in front of 10,000 people is about. Partly the will to power, wanting to belong to something that’s bigger than, and more powerful than yourself, that’s partly what empathy is, isn’t it? How important was Justine? Brett Anderson: Meeting Justine was an incredibly pivotal thing for me. Justine is incredibly creative, urban and urbane, and introduced me to art. Though not so much music, because I was always the one in our relationship that was sort of like introducing her to music. When I first met Justine she was listening to Joni Mitchell and Astrud Gilberto, and I said, ‘we’re not listening to that, this is the Happy Mondays and this is what we’re listening too.’ In the band she was very much the tastemaker, when Bernard and I played Pantomime Horse for Justine, she said that she hated it. If Justine had stayed in the band, Suede probably wouldn’t have been able to write the Asphalt World, because she wanted to write the sort of songs she started to write for Elastica, that were spiky and unpretentious and all of those adjectives you’d apply to Elastica. And she didn’t like the epic, tragic, tortured side to Suede. How into Goth were you? Brett Anderson: I loved some things that were technically called Goth, though I hated the whole image to do with Goth. This morning I was listening to The Cure’s Pornography. I just love it. I was thinking of doing something like that for my next record. I wasn’t into it at the time because Goth came with a whole package that I thought was clichéd and hackneyed and kind of a bit rubbish, but I always loved bits of The Cult and The Cure. Didn’t Justine have something to do with M.I.A? Brett Anderson: Hang on, she didn’t just have something to do with M.I.A, it was her and Mia working on the project. In fact, to be honest, when I first met Mia it was Justine’s project that Mia was a part of. I remember being on holiday with Mia and Justine in 2001 in the Caribbean and this is when Justine and Mia where both sort of working together. This abiding memory I have is of Mia coming into the kitchen with her groove-box, and me and Justine would be smoking dope or something, and she’d play something and we’d be like, ‘yeah, yeah, that’s really nice Mia, run along’ sort of thing. Justine was the dominant force in their relationship at the time and suddenly I didn’t see Mia for a year or so, and suddenly she’s becoming massive and gone from strength to strength, and it’s amazing what she’s done, really hats off to her. Amazing… What’s your take on Bernard Butler? Brett Anderson: If you’ve got a spare few days, I’ll tell you. What’s my take on it? I wrote an essay about it the other day that took me two days to write. Wow, who for? Brett Anderson: Myself. It’s a huge question, it’s huge. What did you write in the essay? Brett Anderson: (Phewwssssh) A lot of the breakdown - it’s not the right word, but I was disintegrating as a human being. Partly because of fame and all the things that come with it. As a pop star, you simultaneously are more able to communicate, but become more isolated. I was increasingly less able to connect with people and one of those people was Bernard, and that’s partly why the relationship broke down, but it’s such an incredibly huge question, it really is, and one that needs a huge forum to do it justice. Basically I was incredibly lucky to meet him. It was one of those things that just came from the Gods. I actually put an advert in the NME, that’s how I met Bernard. It read, ‘Must like Pet Shop Boys, The Smiths, David Bowie and Lloyd Cole, and The Commotions. No musos, no beginners, some things are more important than ability’. Like any great writing partnership, you’re the day to their night. We kind of completed each other and somehow, in a strange little ball of energy, we came up with these songs. I always responded to Bernard’s very intricate musicality. He always did very interesting things with the music that enabled me to put detail into songs, and always had a very strong head for big choruses, but was also good at the very simple pop gestures. He was always able to master both sides and that’s a mark of a great songwriter. Why the Pet Shop Boys? Brett Anderson: I think it was the reference to The Smiths and the Pet Shop Boys that made Bernard answer the advert, because he loved them as well. There’s something very real about them and their almost risqué lyrical landscapes. The Pet Shop Boys were documenting specifically gay London urban life, but doing it very stylishly. I think because of that they just seemed real. It was a great combination of being modern and incredibly detailed, they were quite classic in a way. The words to West End Girls are just genius. Amazing words. I just thought it was brilliant and very individual. What’s your function? Brett Anderson: I certainly don’t see any point trying to be this controversial figure that I possibly was in the early 90’s, because it would show a remarkable lack of intelligence or personal growth for me to want to do that again. Boringly enough, it comes down to honing my craft and the purity of the music. Every time I get up on stage I still feel like this is my last hour and a half on earth, I still burn with that kind of energy. I mean, who doesn’t like Bowie, but does being compared piss you off? Brett Anderson: Like you say, you can’t be a music lover of any taste and not be influenced and I guess we shared a sci-fi sensibility… Yeah, and a similar nose!

[sometimes-i-write-4-you]

Siren valentine's (pt. 1)- Dean Winchester x reader

I was hoping to finish before valentine's, but i have my senior production (i'm majoring in theater) so i never got the chance. Here's part 1, i'll post the rest when i'll finish this fic.

Sitting alone at a coffee shop was one of the things you hated the most, especially on valentine's Day. Everyone were in couples, and you were sitting with your computer and headphones on, pretending to work. The couples around you made you uncomfortable with all their kissing and touching, so you focused on the sound of your favorite album. You heard a feminine voice wishing a happy valentine’s day, and turned up the volume. As the last song came to an end, you packed your things and left the coffee shop.

You arrived to the office you worked at. Being a secretary was not your dream job, but this company paid well and it was safe, safer then being an actor like you always wanted.

“... Ben’s Coffee shop is now a crime scene” the reporter said, and the name of the coffee shop you went to this morning caught your attention. “What the fuck?” You muttered to yourself, focusing on the tv. “The place is filled with bodies, all are bleeding from their ears. Another interesting fact about the bodies, all create a heart shape once you look at them from above” the reporter continued. You were completely shocked to see that, as you were there half an hour ago and everything was fine. You texted your roommate you're fine, since you knew she'd be worried sick if she saw this.

For the rest of the day you felt weird, you were so confused about what happened in Ben's Coffee Shop. Ben was such a nice guy, he didn't deserve to die, there is no sense to this situation - why would anyone kill the people there? Sure, they were annoyingly cléshe, but that's not a reason to commit mass murder.

-time skip-

You got home, finally. You started to cook some pasta. You blasted some music you liked. Your roommate worked late, so you had the entire flat to yourself. She hated “Kansas”, so you took advantage of the fact she wasn't there to listen to your favorite album, “Leftovers”".

“Carry on my wayward son, for there'll be peace when you are gone” you sang along. You emptied the pot through a strainer “Don't you cry no mooooore” you returned to singing. The knocks on the door were right on the beats, so you almost didn't notice them. Once you realized the knockings were not a part of the song, you ran to the door and looked through the mesh. Two guys in suites were standing there, looking seriously at the mesh, therefore at your eye. You opened the door, and they looked at you. “Hello, miss (l/n), I am agent Mike Brown, and this is my partner Nick Williams” one of them said, both pulling an FBI id card. He had apple-green eyes, dark blond-ish hair and some facial hair. He was handsome, definitely. The other guy was just as pretty, but in a different way. His hair was longer, and in a brown shade that went well with his blue eyes. You smiled at them. “Uh, hi. How can i help you?” you asked. “First of all, can wear come inside?” Nick asked. You nodded and moved, letting them in. They both sat on the couch. “Never thought i'd ask someone to turn off “Kansas”, but we have a couple of questions regarding this morning, so can you..” he asked, motioning pressing on a remote. “Oh, yes, sure” you said, and grabbed the remote from the desk. “Water?” You asked as you turned off the music. You felt your heart breaking over the missed opportunity. “Yes, thank you, miss (l/n)” Nick smiled. “How 'bout you, agent…” you paused, trying to remember, “Brown, right?”. He nodded, “yes on the name and the water”.

You took your ball of pasta and sat down. “So, why are you here, agents?” You asked. They both sigh. “This morning, you were at Ben's Coffee Shop, right?” The one you thought was Mike said, although his real name is dean. You nodded. “Well, miss-” “please, call me (y/n)” you cut him off. He looked over at his partner, Nick, or at least so you thought. He was actually looking at his brother, sam. “Ok then, (y/n). Everyone who were there are now dead, but you seem pretty alive to me. Care to explain?” He asked. His words caught you in the middle of taking a bite. You looked at him surprised, “are you saying i did it?!” You said, putting down the pasta bowl. “Well, you are alive and they're not, and i hate to say that, cause you have a great taste in music, but-” Mike replied, but Nick cut him off. “What my partner is trying to say, is that we want to know what happened when you were there. Can you please tell us?”. As he talked, Mike sipped his water to calm down. “Well, i was there, drinking my coffee and listening to music. It was full of those lovey-dovey couple, which was insanely annoying. Not kill-them annoying, just like- nevermind, anyway, i finished listening to my favourite album and then left. A normal visit to a coffee place on a valentine’s day” you said. Mike looked at you and sighed, “nothing else?” He asked, “anything, even if it seems irrelevant”. “Well, there was this lady, i think. She wished everyone a happy valentine's. Once she got on the stage, i raised the volume to max, so i don't know what happened next, it happened like… fifteen minutes before i left, i think” you said. Mike gave Nick a certain type of a look that made you feel like it was important. “Well, (y/n), thank you for your help. If you remember anything else, like what she looked like or anything…” Mike said, “give us a call”. He pulled a card from his pocket. “Okay” you said slowly, taking the card from him. Nick finished his cup of water as Mike spoke, and the handsome agents left your place. You closed the door behind them and as you were pressed play, letting the music distract you from the awful situation, but the suspicious look Mike gave his partner bothered you too much, so you did what anyone would do, and left your house. You catched up to them quickly enough, and got to hear their conversation.

“so, dean, do you think what i'm thinking?” Nick asked. Wait, Dean? His name was mike, he said so, and the card says so, right? You looked at the card. Henry? Who's Henry?

“That this girl was really hot?” the guy who apparently named Dean said. “Be serious, Dean” Nick said, although now you weren't so sure about whether it is his real name or not. “I am very serious, Sammy” Dean said. Oh, of course. They lied about their names. If they lied about that, what else did they lie about? God, what did you let inside your house. “Dean!” Sam insisted, and Dean sighed. “Yes, Sam. If you think it's a siren situation” Dean replied. “It makes sense, yes. I mean, this (y/n) girl is fone, cause she didn't hear the singing. It takes a siren about 15 minutes to infect people using only her voice, she left right on time. Everyone we're dying right behind here” Sam said. “what the fack?”. The words came out of your mouth louder than you expected. “Dean…” Sam muttered, and his head was pointing at you. A part of you wanted to hide, but the other part of you wanted answers. As you debated what to do next, the deep voice you thought belonged to a Mike Brown said “god dammit, (y/n)”.

Well, answers it is. “Heyyy” you said awkwardly, smiling at them and approaching, “so. Sam, Dean, care to explain what thE FUCK?” You said, your voice getting louder as you go. “Well, i see you heard our names. Great. Sam?” Dean said, looking at his partner. “Uh, yeah. We are Sam and Dean and we are..” Sam started, but you cut him off. “Not real FBI agents? Unless FBI stands for…. I don't know, fake-” you started. “we are not FBI” Dean said. “Jesus Christ, what have i let into my house? Regina is going to kill me-” “then don't tell her” Dean cut you off once again. “well, if you're not FBI, then who the fuck are you?” You ask. “We're hunters. We hunt. Monsters” Sam says. The look Dean gave him was a sort of death glare you've never seen before. “What?” You replied, staring at them with your eyes wide open. “Ya'know. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, demons. That type of crap” Dean said. You felt so weird. What they said was crazy. Impossible. But they looked so calm, and there was no sign of them lying - no nose itches, no looking left. But on the other hand, they didn't look like they're lying to you a second ago, but that turned out to be lies. You looked straight into Dean's eyes. “Okay. I'm going to ask once again. Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing here?” The words came out of your mouth so smoothly, and the fear was barely heard through. He looked right into your eyes. “We are Sam and Dean Winchester, Brothers and hunters. We are here because of the freaky death this morning” he said. Sam looked back and forth at you and Dean. The eye contact was intense. You were mad, he was upset. “Fine” you sigh, “i believe you. You two may be good liers, but there is no reason you'd make this crazy shit up. So how can i help?”. Dean and Sam both look at you like your crazy. “You want to help us? Not run back to your place and drink every alcoholic beverage you can find?” Dean apoke first. You nodded, “i mean, if i'll say i'm not going to drink over this, it's a lie. But innocent people are dying, and my life as a secretary are too boring for me. If i have a shot at an adventure, i'm definitely taking it” you replied. “Well…” Sam started, and looked at Dean, “maybe there's something you can do”.

“Sam, are you crazy? She is not a hunter! She cant-” Dean started, but Sam cuts him off. “she’s gonna be with you, Dean” he sighed. “We can't put her life on the line like that, Sammy” Dean insisted, and this time it was your turn to say something. “Dean, i don't care. It's a good plan, and i trust you. I'll have ear plugs so i won't hear the siren and-” you started, but stopped once Dean gave you a strange look. “Fine” he said, “but we gotta train you a little bit first”. Before you had a chance to reply, he grabbed your wrist, and as an instinct you pulled your arm up, facing your palm like a mirror and with the free hand you twisted his wrist and kicked his crotch. You only realised you did that when a scream escaped Dean's mouth. “Oh my god, sorry. I'm so, so sorry. It's an instinct” you said, giving him a small smile, “i'll get you some ice, and-” you said, going to the kitchen. “-and you can, uh, put it where i hit you” you said awkwardly, giving him the bag of ice you had on your fridge. “You mean my fucking-” he started, but Sam cuts him off. “Well you don't seem to need self defence training. How are with guns?” He asked. You started at him. “Guns?”. “Yes, you know, we need to fight freaking monsters. You can't just kick their-” “Dean! A girl beat you, get over that and let's continue” Sam cuts him off once again. “Well, my dad always wanted me to go hunt with him. Not the same things you hunt, but i can use a gun. Kind of. I was never good at it. I aimed for the center, hit the right corner, aimed for the right corner hit the center” you shared, and Dean looked at you, still mad. “Well then, aim for the right corer, darling” he smiled. You rolled your eyes. “What? We've been dating for a few months and we are going to celebrate tonight”. “(Y/n), you never told me you have a boyfriend” your roommate said as she walked into the room.“It's cause i don't” you replied as she hugged you. “Then who are these two pretty boys?” She asked. “Belle, these are…” you paused. You weren't sure what are you supposed to tell her. “FBI, i'm agent Brown, he is agent Williams. Your friend here was just giving us the details of today's morning at the coffee shop known as Ben’s Coffee Shop” Dean said. “Then what is it about the two of you dating. And why do you have a bag of ice on your-” Belle wondered out loud. “It's a long story, Belle” you cut her off. “Well then, i leave you here and take some food to my room” she said. Once she closed the door behind her, you felt terrible. “I can't believe i'm hiding something from her. We've been best friends for years, i never hide things from her” you said quietly. “It’s for the best, love” Dean said with a cocky smile. “We are not on our fake date yet, Love” you returned, smiling. “Guys, keep the flirting for later, okay?” sam said. “I'm not-” you started, but Sam ignored you and kept talking. “So let's just go over the plan one more time. You two are going on a date where she'll perform. We just need to find out where is it and when” Sam summarized the plan. “And how are we gonna do that?” You asked. Sam sat next to your open computer and googled “Ben's coffee Shop”. He opened the facebook page and there it was. “This valentine's Day, Sierra Stone is coming to perform at 9:00-9:30 for every one who needs to go to work and can't have a nice dinner with their significant other” Sam read out loud the post, and then proceeded to google her name. “Tonight at Tony's. It's a bar not too far from here. (Y/n), you better get ready cause it's 30 minitus away and starts at 22:00 Sam said. “so will Dean pick me up at 21:15? We should take some time to set up or maybe like, there will be traffic and-” “yes” Dean cuts you off, “you have an hour, use it”. You nodded, “don't worry”.

[1dfangirls35]

Voir Dire (N.H.): A fake dating OU about contracts, soulmates, and risking it all for love

six

seven

Kelsey and Niall's friendship had blossomed quickly over the course of a week. The two found themselves texting constantly and Kelsey was surprised at the way they seemed to never quite run out of things to talk about.

Becca had noticed too, commenting on how attached Kelsey seemed to be to her phone of late. Kelsey knew it was just a "honeymoon" phase of their friendship. Soon Niall would be busy with his album promo and Kelsey would need to spend more time focusing on studying for her LSAT. But for the time-being Kelsey was choosing to enjoy the fact that she had someone to talk to that seemingly understood her so well. 

"Are you ready?" Kelsey called out to her roommate, who had spent the better portion of an hour trying to figure out what to wear to Niall's party.

Niall had told Kelsey over and over that it was casual. Just a simple hangout with some of his friends, however, she couldn't shake the feeling of pressure that this was a big deal. It was the first time she and her new found friend would be hanging out in person. Well, the first time they would be hanging out in person strictly as friends anyways.

"Does this look okay?" Becca questioned, stepping out of her bathroom in a tight black v-neck bodysuit and high waisted skinny jeans.

"For the millionth time Becca, yes," Kelsey rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Okay Kels, but you can't tell me you aren't freaking out a little too. Like there are going to be celebrities there. Like people whose literal job is to look good day and night, and can't look like I just rolled out of bed."

"Of course I'm freaking out Becca. But they're just people, and honestly if they are anything like Niall, we've got nothing to worry about."  Kelsey tried her best to remain optimistic. But a part of her wondered what Niall's friends would think of a bartender and her friend showing up at his party. They'd surely wonder how they got invited to the party in the first place.

But those were Kelsey's insecurities talking, and she had vowed to not let her insecurities get to her any longer. So for tonight, she was going to be someone that deserved to be at Niall's party. And she and Becca were going to have the time of their lives.

-------------------

Niall had felt a feeling of nervousness all day. He'd tried to push it off, but even Mully could tell when he arrived at Niall's house that something had gotten his friend nervous. Niall blamed it on the upcoming release of his new single. But he knew that releasing new music wasn't the reason he had meticulously shaved this afternoon or ironed his dress shirt three times to make sure there were no wrinkles in it. And his new music was most definitely not the reason his heart began to race when his doorbell rang and a certain brunette and her friend were standing on his doorstep.

"Kelsey, so glad you could make it," Niall greeted Kelsey with a hug, hoping she couldn't feel his heart beating through his chest.

Kelsey smiled "Me too." Becca cleared her throat from her place next to Kelsey, as if to remind her that she was still standing there. "Oh and Niall, this is my friend Becca, I think you've met before?"

"Yes, nice to meet you again Becca," Niall said, extending a hand out to give Becca, a firm handshake.

"Thanks for letting me tag along to this party of yours," Becca grinned. Kelsey gave her friend a quick nudge in the chest before she could say anything that would embarrass either of them.

"Well ladies, we've got drinks on the patio, food in the kitchen, and plenty of seating. Make yourselves comfortable."

Kelsey smiled at Niall, before Becca grabbed her arm and dragged her onto the patio for a drink.

Niall took a seat on one of his barstools and took another sip of his beer. He watched as Kelsey and Becca ordered their drinks from the bartender, laughing and chatting with such enthusiasm. He couldn't help but gaze at the way Kelsey's smile lit up her face even from this distance. He knew he shouldn't think like that, but there was just something about her that was absolutely electrifying.

"Careful, mate," Louis slid onto the barstool beside Niall, following Niall's eyes to Kelsey laughing with her friend by the edge of the pool.

"We're just friends, Lou," Niall said defensively, although he knew that Louis could see right through the fact that even if they are only friends it's not due to any lack of desire for romance on Niall's part.

"Oh right I forgot, because the girl you fancy isn't the one the label picked for you."

Niall's face revealed his surprise. "Oh c'mon lad you can't think you taking a girl to a red carpet premiere and showing off to the world is believable. You're far too private for that. Also, you've never had too much of a thing for blondes."

Niall rolled his eyes at his friend. He hoped it wasn't this obvious to people who didn't know him quite as well as Louis.

He gazed over at Kelsey again, her smile visible from across the room. As if she could feel his stare, Kelsey turned her head and caught Niall's gaze. She waved slightly as Niall grinned.

"See just friends," Niall protested.

"Keep telling yourself that lad, and maybe you'll believe it," Louis prodded and Niall rolled his eyes.

The pair watched as Kelsey and Becca made their way over to their perch.

"Louis, this is my friend Kelsey and her roommate Becca," Niall introduced as they approached, as if he and Louis hadn't been talking about them the entire time.

"Louis Tomlinson, nice to meet you," Louis offered his hand out to shake. Niall watched as Kelsey and Becca's eyes both widened. He smiled to himself, entertained by the bit of celebrity shock overcoming his guests.

"Can I give you the tour?" Niall asked, trying his best to play it off casually, by desperately wanting to spend some time with Kelsey.

"Sure," Kelsey replied excitedly. She glanced over at Becca, sure that her friend was also eager to explore Niall's house.

"I think I'll stay here for a bit," she smirked.

"Okay," Kelsey replied. She wondered if this was a bit of a bad idea, her and Niall roaming around his house together unaccompanied. But then she remembered that the two had agreed they were just friends. There wouldn't be any moves being made.

Kelsey grabbed her drink and followed Niall's movement down the hallway. "You know I've seen your place before," she laughed.

"I know," Niall replied, "But I figured I'd give you an official tour, one where you weren't so eager to get out the door."

Kelsey laughed. "Hey, I stayed for breakfast, don't know if I'd call that running out the door."

"Well, in any case this is my office," he gestured, opening a white wooden room to reveal a small room with a desk in the corner. "And over here," he continued going a few feet further down the hallway, "Is what I call my in-home studio."

"Is this where all the musical genius happens?" Kelsey asked, observing the black piano in the corner of the room and several rather expensive looking guitars hanging from the walls.

"Some of it, yes. Although, the song that's going to be released in the next few weeks came from ride on the tube in London."

"The tube?" Kelsey raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, the 'subway' for you Americans," Niall grinned.

"Can't imagine a subway is very conducive for writing love songs," Kelsey teased, running her hand over the framed platinum records collection hanging on Niall's far wall. There were so many, and she wondered how it felt to be so successful at such a young age.

"You'd be surprised where the inspiration hits you," Niall said softly.

"And these," Kelsey asked, gesturing to a shelf in the corner rattled with various trophies and plaques, "Are these all your awards?"

"That would be correct."

"Which one's your favorite?" Kelsey asked.

"Hmm, that's a hard one," Niall scanned the shelf. "I'd say this one means a lot." He picked up a red, white and blue shaped figure with the English flag on the bottom. "It's the first Brit One Direction won back in 2012."

"That's just so crazy."

"What is?" Niall questioned, before setting the award neatly back in its place on the shelf.I'

"Just how young you were. And how much you've accomplished."

"I've been quite lucky," Niall admitted, before leaving the studio area and continuing down the hallway. "But there's still more I want to achieve."

Kelsey nodded, following Niall down the hallway. She admired how ambitious he continued to be, even after he had easily had the success thousands of musicians could only dream of.

"Here is one of my guest bedrooms," Niall pointed out before heading up the staircase to the second level. They continued the tour past another guest bedroom before Kelsey saw a familiar portion of the house.  

"And this is.."

"Your master suite," Kelsey said softly, trying to push the memories of her last time in the room to the back of her mind. Not because she didn't want to think of them, but because she knew if she did, this whole friendship thing with Niall wouldn't go as planned.

"You remember," Niall acted surprised.

"Wouldn't forget it," Kelsey replied.

"And now I've got one more place to show you," Niall said, pointing to another set of stairs.

"And what's this?" Kelsey mused as they began to climb. She is surprised when she feels the cool breeze of outdoor air as they step out onto a rooftop deck. From the perch, she can see the duration of Niall's estate, and the rolling hills of Hollywood in the distance.

"It's beautiful out here," she stated, then noticing some seating she gestured to Niall.

"Make yourself at home," he nodded, before following behind her and taking a seat next to her on the white bench. Kelsey took a sip of her wine as Niall swigged another chug of beer.

"So if I don't make it into law school can I move into one of your guest rooms?" Kelsey joked.

"They're always open for guests. But you won't need that, you'll get in," Niall reassured. Kelsey looked at his face, warm and kind, and found herself captivated again by the blue of his eyes.

"Maybe if I finally get my life together."

"You'll get in Kelsey. You are smart, ambitious, strong. I can't imagine someone I'd want more to be my lawyer some day," Niall smiled, watching Kelsey's face as the sunlight hit it. He couldn't help but think about how beautiful she looked, and how he could imagine spending evenings on this deck sipping wine with her at his side.

"You're too kind, Niall."

"And you, Kelsey, are too hard on yourself."

Kelsey shrugged her shoulders, knowing that Niall was exactly right. "Guess when life knocks you down a few times, you develop a bit of self-doubt."

"If I can ask," Niall said slowly, "what was his name?" his eyes looking into Kelsey's soul. She wondered if it was possible that someone could read her thoughts as accurately as Niall seemed to be able to read her own.

"His name," Kelsey paused for a moment taking a deep breath. "His name was Sam." Usually getting Kelsey to say his name out loud was like trying to pull teeth, but somehow sitting next to Niall on the rooftop of his million dollar mansion, Kelsey didn't hesitate.

For a moment, Kelsey thought that the distance between her and Niall was narrowing, and she wondered if she could possibly resist the thought of his lips on her own again. But then, as if realizing what he was doing, he pulled back.

"Well then," Niall raised his bottle up in the air as if giving a toast. Kelsey raised her glass to meet his. "Fuck Sam." He clinked his glass against Kelsey's as she nearly died in a fit of laughter.

"Fuck Sam," she laughed, wondering how on earth the man next to her could go from serious to hilarious in a matter of minutes. "But actually don't."

Kelsey's comment sends Niall into his own fit of laughter. A loud, deep gutted chuckle that Kelsey couldn't help but smile more at.

When the laughing subsides, Niall let out a long exasperated sigh. "I suppose we should go check on the guests for a while." He stood, offering a hand to pull Kelsey up from her spot. She flinched as she felt electricity shoot up her arm from his touch, reminding her of all the things his hands could do. She reluctantly dropped his grasp as they headed back down the stairs, trying to honor the pact that the two had made.

Kelsey made her way down the staircase behind Niall, but as she reached the bottom her foot skipped the final step. It happened in slow motion, her feet tripping over the staircase sending her flying towards the wall across from the staircase. Niall's arm reaching to try and catch her fall, but instead pulling him towards the wall instead. The two now inches from each other as Niall's hands pushed against the wall to try and avoid smashing into Kelsey.

Kelsey felt her heart flutter as the distance between her and Niall narrowed. His eyes met hers, pulling her in even though every ounce of her mind was screaming that this was a friendship, and friends didn't look at each other this way.

But there was the chemistry. An undeniable attraction drawing them together. And no matter how hard either of them tried to deny it, both of them were just on the edge of giving in.

"We could never just be friends could we," Niall whispered, his breath forming goosebumps on Kelsey's skin. He watched as she took a deep breath, her inner turmoil racing across her eyes.

"No," she let out before letting desire overtake her and pulling Niall's lips down to meet her own.

*************************

Kelsey woke up in Niall's bed-again. It was the third time this week and Kelsey had a feeling it wouldn't be the last. It had been a week since Niall and Kelsey had fatefully decided that being just friends wasn't something they could manage, and if Kelsey was being honest, it had been a week of pure bliss.

They hadn't defined anything. Neither Niall nor Kelsey was sure what this meant or what their relationship was. But they were sure of one thing- that they couldn't get enough of each other. Their physical chemistry was there, and the attraction they had felt in that fateful night in the club hadn't faded. But it was their emotional connection that kept the two wanting more.

It was their conversations in the mornings that were Kelsey and Niall's favorite. The words spoken as Kelsey lay against Niall's bare chest, the light from the morning sun illuminating his blue eyes in just a way that seemed to make them sparkle. It was those words that almost convinced Kelsey that maybe she could put her heart on the line again. That maybe all the destruction and heartbreak of her past were behind her. Maybe. 

But every so often, Kelsey's fears would creep back in. She'd be in the middle of kissing Niall and wonder if maybe all this was a mistake. And then she'd hesitate, because she wasn't ready for her heart to be broken. Not again.

Niall had become infatuated with Kelsey. He knew this would complicate things, he knew that whatever this was, was going to lead to problems down the road. But for the time being he didn't care. He just wanted to enjoy the feeling of being with someone that made him feel so alive. He was trying to take things slow, because he knew that Kelsey was hesitant to jump into something again. And maybe the hesitancy he sensed from her is the reason why he'd neglected to tell her what was probably the most key piece of information about his life right now. That in the eyes of the public and his record label, he was dating Krystal. 

Niall ran his fingers through Kelsey's chestnut hair, eliciting a soft moan from her lips.

"This is becoming quite a habit isn't it," she said softly, turning her head to look up at Niall.

"Not a bad one though?" Niall replied with a smile. He wouldn't mind if all of his mornings started like this one.

"I suppose not," Kelsey laughed slightly. "Getting a little spoiled though in this king sized bed."

"Just using me for my bed are you?" he teased.

"I mean, I suppose the man in it isn't too bad either," Kelsey laughed. 

"Let me go get us some breakfast," Niall regretfully moved from his position next to Kelsey, standing up on the side of the bed and pulling on a pair of loose fitting grey joggers.

Kelsey moved to follow him to the kitchen when Niall held up a hand to stop her. "Let me bring breakfast to you."

Kelsey nodded, feeling her heart beat a little faster from Niall's gesture. He really was a bit of a romantic, and Kelsey hoped that it wasn't just because he was trying to woo her. She sat up in the bed, looking out the window at the early morning light. 

Ten minutes later Niall returned carrying a silver tray with two cups of steamy coffee and a plate of breakfast pastries laid upon it. 

"It looks delicious," she smiled, grabbing a cup of coffee from the tray as Niall slid onto the bed next to her. 

"Fresh from the Horan bakery," Niall joked, holding up one of the pastries. Kelsey rolled her eyes at Niall's attempt at a joke.

"Oh right, because a baker is just one of your many talents."

"Maybe it is," Niall raised his eyebrow. "Or maybe Tara's just a really great assistant who picked me up some fresh ones from an actual bakery this morning."

"My parents used to do this," Kelsey suddenly said. "Have breakfast in bed."

"They did?" Niall asked. Kelsey hadn't told Niall much about her parents, in fact, she wasn't even sure if she'd mentioned them once. Niall never asked. He knew that family relationships could be complicated and he figured Kelsey would open up about them in due time.

Kelsey nodded, her mind flashing back to Saturday mornings long ago, when she was young and naïve and believed that everything in life was a bit of a fairytale. "Every Saturday morning, my dad would get up and make my mom breakfast. Two strips of bacon, a scrambled egg and a piece of toast. And then he'd bring it up to her, on this crystal glass tray that used to be my grandma's and they'd sit and eat breakfast together."

Kelsey looked at Niall, his eyes fixated on hers. He slid his hand to rest on Kelsey's thigh, and for some reason that's all the encouragement Kelsey needs to speak her mind.

"They did that every Saturday morning, until my dad found out about the affair. Like everything was alright until it wasn't." Kelsey felt her words harshen at the thought of it. Maybe that's why she's never quite understood her parents' divorce. Because she'd never seen them fight, she'd never seen them show any signs of not being hopelessly in love. So then why had her mother cheated on her father? Had it all been a façade? 

"I think I'd understand it more, I think I'd accept it if I saw they were awful to each other, you know," Kelsey's voice grew a little weaker, on the cusp of breaking down. "People's parents get divorced all the time and they say what a relief it is, because for the first time in their life, everything's not a fight. But with my parents, it just seemed like everything was perfect. Everything was perfect and she ruined it."

Niall stayed quiet, not because he didn't want to comfort Kelsey, but because he knew this was her processing out loud. He'd been there before, with his own parents. Not quite in this way, but he knew how it felt to have the world as you knew it torn apart. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your breakfast," Kelsey apologized, trying to read Niall's face to see if he thought she was totally crazy. 

"Don't apologize Kelsey, divorces are messy. There's nothing wrong with having a little resentment about it." Niall wrapped an arm around Kelsey and she let her head fall to rest on his shoulder. "I was only five when my parents called it quits, but I remember it well. I don't think we can ever fully understand it unless we are in the situation."

Niall felt like this was as good as time as any to get his own demon in the closet off of his chest. He worried that Kelsey might react poorly, but he also knew that he would much rather her hear the news from her than from some piece of media. 

"Kelsey, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about.." Niall began, just as his phone began vibrating on the bedside table. He leaned over it, seeing the name of his agent flash across the screen. What was he doing calling so early in the morning?

"Sorry, it's my agent," Niall said, picking up the phone and placing it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Niall where are you? The shoot was supposed to start 15 minutes ago."

Niall scanned his mind for any recollection of a shoot. What shoot? Then he remembers- the shoot for his new music video. 

"Oh, shit, I totally forgot!" he exclaimed, jumping out of bed and rushing to his closet to find a T-shirt. "I'm headed that way." Niall hung up the phone abruptly, leaving Kelsey with a confused look.

"Apparently the music video shoot was this morning. I totally forgot," Niall explained as he ran around the bedroom flustered , hoping that Kelsey would forgive him for cutting their morning short. 

"Are you in trouble?" Kelsey asked, hoping that she wouldn't be the reason that Niall would make his agent mad. She hadn't really intended to spend the night at Niall's last night, but as seemed to be their routine, one thing led to another...

"They'll get over it," Niall laughed. "You can stay as long as you want though, no rush." He leaned over to Kelsey's perch on the bed, planting a warm kiss on her forehead.

"I'll see you later then?" Kelsey asked.

"I'll text you," he responded with a smile before rushing out the door, leaving Kelsey to wonder just what he wanted to talk to her about. 

Tags: @awomanindeniall @ihearthemcallingforyou @niall-is-my-dream