#like I think there’s some switch that must activate in other peoples brains for that kind of thing

[tearlessrain]

Wyll is adorable but my god is the sweet fairy tale monogamy thing not my vibe. I will persist nonetheless.

[hell-drabbles]

Mock-up Card 1

Basically it's just an L Card with the Embittered Companion and Lucifer working together because my brain is stuck on that for some reason? It's weird. Anyways, when you activate the Ultimate Skill of this card, you switch to either Lucifer or the Embittered Companion. A sort of, two-in-one card. Embittered Companion is all about dealing damage while Lucifer is all about healing. There's a boost to their ATK for a good while after switching. Don't ask about the numbers, I didn't think of them at aaaall.

Also I don't have it in me to write prose right now, so here be lines!!!

[First Encounter]

YOU: Hey. It's been how many years? You know, since I last took up a weapon to chase people away? It's pretty nostalgic, honestly. LUCIFER: …are you already forgetting what you promised us? YOU: I'm not gonna charge in head first, you two. Get off my ass.

[Level Up]

YOU: What I lack… LUCIFER: I'll make up.

[Evolve]

YOU: It would be nice, to have less lives lost. LUCIFER: But all we can do is continue on, until the very end.

[Ultimate Skill 1]

YOU: Go ahead and take a nap, Lucifer.

[Ultimate Skill 2]

LUCIFER: Sit. Rest. You're bleeding.

[Upon Death]

YOU: I'm still shit at keeping promises huh? LUCIFER: It's not your fault. Let's go.

[Victory 1]

YOU: Glad to see you've been focusing on the task at hand, Ra-on. Well, battle's over, so you can do whatever the hell you want.

[Victory 2]

LUCIFER: This is something to celebrate about, isn't it? …yes, you'll be invited to the party.

[Defeat]

LUCIFER: A mortal body such as their's does not deserve to have injuries like this. Keep quiet, they'll wake up. I know they will.

[Lobby Interaction 1]

YOU: It's kind of funny to me that, after all that, my normal body hasn't really changed one bit. Still the same strength, still the same weaknesses. LUCIFER: It doesn't make it any less remarkable to me. YOU: So you and Ra-on say. Well, I've been in this body longer than anyone, so I wouldn't know what to be impressed by. Everything about this body is just uninteresting to me. Doesn't make me any less happy that I'm back in it, though.

[Lobby Interaction 2]

YOU: Hmm? What are you staring at us for, Ra-on? We that good of a sight? …happy, huh? Yeah, I suppose Lucifer and I make each other pretty happy. Don't discount yourself though, buddy. Wouldn't be in the place that I am without your help.

[Lobby Interaction 3]

LUCIFER: Your hands. Let me see them. YOU: Huh? Alright, but why? LUCIFER: Ra-on told me you forgot about your blisters. YOU: Oh. Oh! No, yeah I did forget. Whoops. But hey, at least I'm wearing gloves this time around, so they're not that bad. None of them popped, so they should heal nicely.

[Lobby Interaction 4]

LUCIFER: If you wanted to destroy Heaven, would you? I wouldn't blame you if you answered 'yes.' YOU: …maybe a younger, more freshly wounded version of myself would've said yes, but as I am now, no. The fate of Heaven is not mine to control. I can only control the distance between me and that place. Besides, I'll hold onto hope that the angels will eventually weed out that sickening need to be superior.

[Lobby Interaction 5]

LUCIFER: Shh. They haven't rested well last night. Whatever it is you want to ask, save it for later. Hmm? Mm. Yes, they're… still haunted by everything. Not even in sleep can they be allowed to escape. A curse that not even my powers can relieve.

[Lobby Interaction 6]

YOU: You know, I haven't heard the name Solomon in a while. Did you finally put your foot while I was away, Ra-on?

[Lobby Interaction 7]

YOU: Another angel almost snatched me up today. Even in this human form they hate so much, they still want to whisk me up right back to that suffocating cradle. Thanks for the warning by the way. LUCIFER: While we were all once siblings connected through our love for God, I won't allow them to repeat that torture. If I must make my words absolute, then I will.

[Lobby Interaction 8]

LUCIFER: Have you adjusted yet? YOU: To what? LUCIFER: To your lack of extra limbs. To that body of yours. Is there any pain? Any noises that want to invade your eyes and ears? YOU: …There's nothing. Sometimes I'll feel like I'm missing something, but it's all blissfully silent.

[Lobby Interaction 9]

LUCIFER: Do you have no intention of staying here? YOU: I have no intention of ever forgetting you, Lucifer. But, I can't stay here. This is not my home. Our home, is right where Minhyeok is. Where our beloved earth is. Hell is nice, but I'm pretty sure Ra-on and I miss the comfort of our home's air.

[Lobby Interaction 10]

YOU: Lucifer? LUCIFER: Yes? YOU: If, one day, I decide to visit, would you welcome me? LUCIFER: …always. A small visit, or a promise to dedicate our existences to one another, I'll welcome it all the same.

[lu-lus-dicks]

You all need sleep and I may not be the best sleeper but here's some tips. these especially go out to @xxx-angie @nunalastor and @the-aprilfools-bitch . I will be in your closets making sure you all get good sleep >:(

rest your eyes from tv and phone. Just blue light in general. instead you could listen to music or podcasts. those are much better.

try sleeping between 2-4 PM at the latest (which means either that or EARLIER). your body produces the most melatonin (the thing you need to sleep) at those times. It will be much harder to fall asleep later than that

Take a warm bath or shower. If I didn't have a bad relationship with liquids, I would be doing this all day. the warmness helps drop your body temperature and generally lower temperatures signal to the body that it's nighttime and consequently bedtime.

no coffee if you drink some, unless you got ADHD (angie). I've heard caffeine works backwards for people with ADHD

If you grew up in a home with the TV on constantly or just generally had some noise around you in your childhood whenever you went to bed, TURN ON SOME NOISE. It is what happens with me and I can't sleep without some noise.

It would be nice if your bed was only used for sleeping, but I know that's not happening lmao

midgnight snacks disturb your sleep. try to avoid those, since your body starts metabolism during nights. it doesn't need more food to process. but if you must grab a snack, it's best to choose something that's easily digestible and maybe even increases the production of melatonin. some of these are milk (obviously), bananas, nuts, eggs, tea, vegetables and such.

Don't rely too much on meds, otherwise your body will get used to it and will depend on it for you to go to sleep. Instead you could try pavlov effecting yourself with something similar that can always be available. For example, before going to sleep, perform a certain action (I used this method in school and my version was patting myself on the head or touching my cheek with the hand opposite to it). once you've done this enough times before sleep, your brain will associate that action with sleep and you'll get a little sleepy if you do it again. This takes a long time though, A month maybe I have stopped doing this, but if nothing else works this can be an option. Though this isn't perfect lulu side rant: tried to condition myself with a ring once. was really bad with doing homework on time, so everytime I was doing homework I would switch a ring I wore to my forefinger. And this was only used for that situation. I never moved my ring to my forefinger for any reason at all. Thought this would work, but the only conditional response I got was that everytime I moved that ring to my forefinger I started thinking about homework and not really doing it.

If that doesn't work, try changing your enviorment. It doesn't have to be drastic. for example: sleep backwards. lay your head where your feet usually are and your head where your feet usually are. or maybe try sleeping on the floor. I am paranoid about sleeping in other peoples houses but this is the reason I tend to fall asleep anyway

If your lack of sleep is caused by anxiety (like intrusive thoughts or thinking about the future), try listening to a mindless podcast or a youtube video. It will help distract from your thoughts and give you something to focus your mind on, plus most content these days tend to try and turn your mind off to get that sweet sweet watchtime.

If all else fails, you can try to tire your brain out I guess. that's my method for extemely bad sleepless nights. I start reading because that's the most tiring activity I can do in bed and usually I fall asleep in the middle of it.

[wordsandrobots]

Apropos of half-awake thoughts this morning, I've been considering the perennial subject of people coming into fan-works and making demands of the writer or artist in regards to their creative choices. You know, 'this is wrong', 'you should change this', 'make more!!!' etc. It's been quite some years since I had to deal with that kind of behaviour but I've seen it happen to other people and it always sucks. Today my brain has decided to connect it to Humphrey Smith.

Story time: the town I come from has three breweries. The reason for this is that the limestone we're built atop filters the local water, making it 1) good and hard and 2) easy to access. Technically we're a market town but brewing is the foundation of our modern economy.

Two of these breweries, John Smith's and Sam Smith's, are the remnants of the brewing empire started by John Smith, a Victorian gentleman endowed with truly spectacular mutton-chops and also money, who bought an existing brewery in the town before building a new, much more impressive one further up the street. After his death, the business was left to his brothers, one of whom would go on to leave the old brewery to his nephew Samuel. Thus, the empire split into two. Both halves are still operating and have been successful enough that the current owner of Sam Smith's -- Humphrey -- is the biggest land-owner in the town.

Here is where the problems begin. You see Humphrey is, to put it gently, crackers. He suffers from being exceptionally wealthy and, despite some motions towards investing in local amenities, largely exists on a moral crusade against the changing social mores of the 20th Century. He won't countenance any businesses that does not contribute to the atmosphere of a sleepy market town (read: basically anything), refuses to maintain or sell off his properties, leaving the place full of the rotting shells of buildings, and he's been at war with the town council so long, they're currently planning to build on a flood plane that does indeed routinely get swamped by the river just to have somewhere to put new houses.

The man is not well-liked, is what I'm saying. And among his 'charming eccentricities' are the strict requirements he enforces on the pubs he owns. Any Sam Smith's pub must be run by people of good moral character (preferably a married man and woman), there must be no music and no phones, no swearing, no motorcyclists, no kissing, etc, etc. Basically imagine the dourest stereotype of Yorkshire grimness and that's what he's actively aiming for (no I am not kidding, just check out the 'controversies' section of the Sam Smith's wikipedia page).

Anyway, the point of all this is that there's a lovely tale shared around the town about how, one day, our Humphrey walked into a local pub and said to the bar-tender something to the effect of, 'Switch off that music, throw those people out, take down those fixtures and fittings, this is not the Victorian traditionalism I pay you for.'

Only, the bar-tender leant over the bar and replied, 'well that's nice, Mr Smith, but this isn't one of your pubs.'

Should you find yourself in the position of having some dipstick with fixed opinions swan into your work and start telling you everything you've gotten wrong, I think you could do worse than bear this heroic chap's words in mind. Your work is not their pub. They have no claim on what you make and no grounds for enforcing their vision over yours. They aren't paying you, you aren't working for them, and frankly, they have profoundly misunderstood the situation if they think they're entitled to tell you want to do.

This is true even in the face of widely accepted fanon or when you're cutting against general expectations. In fandom, every piece of art is the result of our own personal reactions to a piece of media. We can decorate our individual pubs however we want and if other people don't like it, well, they can lump it. Go forth and do what you like, music and kissing and all!

[This post brought to you by the belated 11 year anniversary of that berk on dA who spent ages arguing with my attempt at redesigning the Quarks from Doctor Who. The *bloody Quarks*, man! Sheesh.]

[heyclickadee]

So I forgot that this was in my drafts and has just been sitting in there for a month and a half. Anyway, actual ramblings on “Replacements”:

1. I took notes while watching this one. My first note just says, “Sad whale noises,” underlined four times, with a little frowny face.

2. Hunter’s little lopsided grin as he says, “Well, that doesn’t look comfortable—for either of you,” to Omega and Gonky. He’s stressed and not sure what to do next, but he’s still kind of playful at this point. The depression hasn’t quite set in. And Omega’s little, “We’re fine.” That’s the “We’re fine,” of, “My legs are asleep and I can’t feel my spine but I’d rather die than take up space or admit I’m uncomfortable because I don’t know what I can get away with around you guys,” I swear….

3. Gonky’s little kicky feets!! Also, how did he get down there? Did he fall over while Tech was doing some unnecessary barrel rolls? Did Wrecker put him there? Did he flop over so Omega could use him as a backrest?

4. Again, Hunter’s deadpan shake of the head when Wrecker just *fyoom* inhales that ration bar. Also, can we talk about how much living on ration bars must suck? You probably get your caloric needs for the day, but it’d be like eating one single cliff bar for every meal. You wouldn’t starve or be malnourished, but you’d never feel full, hence why Wrecker, who is lärge and probably has the metabolism of a Bugatti, never has (I want to make him all the treats! He deserves all the cinnamon rolls and pie and plank grilled salmon and burgers and…).

5. I do kind of appreciate that they start introducing the idea that practical needs, like food and ship fuel, are a concern for these guys, and that they’re more or less flat broke. Other Star Wars shows have touched on people having to actually pay for things to survive—that’s part of the point of the Lando episode of Rebels—but’s a constant thread in this show. Clone Force 99 is always a few really bad days from being stranded, because they can’t afford to fuel the ship, and starving, because they’re out of food.

6. I do kind of appreciate that even though Hunter physically pushes Wrecker back to keep him from grabbing Omega’s ration bar (good for Omega for offering it but), he does so pretty gently, and he drops his voice because even though he wants Wrecker to understand that Omega will absolutely inconvenience herself to make other people comfortable, he doesn’t want to call Wrecker out in front of the whole ship. He’s trying to make it as private as he can…in the space RV…with limited space. Besides, it’s not as though Hunter could shove Wrecker out of the way unless Wrecker allowed himself to be pushed. “I’m gonna push you away from someone who doesn’t need to overhear us now, back up with me,” seems to just be the accepted language of private conversation between all of them. And I also appreciate that Wrecker, as fundamentally kind, gentle, and emotionally intelligent as he is, does have a little trouble switching to/considering other perspectives. He never needs reminding once it’s pointed out, but he does sometimes need it pointed out to begin with.

7. Tech says he’s building the brain scanner so that he can double check that their chips don’t work. Bullshit. BULL. SHIT. I mean, okay, not total bullshit—I do think he’s at least partially telling the truth. He’s definitely thinking that Crosshair was acting the way he was because his chip activated, and if Crosshair’s chip activated, then why wouldn’t theirs? It’d be good to check. But I think that’s a secondary reason. Based on how he’s the one who brings up the chip as an explanation for Crosshair’s behavior, the added context of season two, and the way he totally drops the scanner after this episode until Rex shows up in episode seven, I really think he’s building it because he’s under the impression that they’re going back for Crosshair sooner than later, and he thinks they’ll need it to locate his chip so they can figure out a way to deactivate or remove it. Tech just told Echo what he did so he could keep working on it.

8. “It’s not affecting life support. We’re fine.” “Are you kidding me?!” I love them. Also: Shout out to poor Gonky rattling around the back of the Marauder like the last tic-tac left in the pack. Get the poor droid a seatbelt.

9. I love that Wrecker tests his tie-down to make sure it’s locked. The Bad Batch isn’t a perfect show, but I adore little background gestures like these, and it’s full of them, even compared to the other animated shows. They help the characters feel a little more alive.

10. I feel like I need to have a, “That’s one hell of a pilot,” counter for every time Tech does some impressive piloting. The ship isn’t functioning correctly and goes from zero visibility and turbulent conditions to, “OH SHIT, THE GROUND,” and a very narrow window in which he can react, and he still manages to land the ship. Not crash, land. With the landing gear down. And, yes, I’m sure that there is some kind of ILS system on the ship for low visibility landings, since this is a universe where autopilot exists, but still—Tech kind of strikes me as the sort of person who would turn autopilot off. (Also, tell me that if the ship would be in one piece if it was Anakin flying it. I love Anakin, and he’s a phenomenal pilot, but I also think that both Tech and Hera could outfly him.)

11. There’s something endearing about the way that they all spring into doing different jobs to figure out how to get out of the mess they’re in once they’ve landed—Echo’s checking the weather, since it’s knocking out their commas and they can’t call for help; Tech’s checking which parts they need to fix the ship and if they have any on board; Hunter’s making sure everyone’s okay and getting Gonky on his feet; Wrecker…might actually just be recovering because he hit his head pretty hard (STOP DOING THAT, WRECKER. STOP IT)—and Omega doesn’t want to be left out or useless so she instantly starts trying to help out, too.

12. “That’s…Crosshair’s weapon kit.” Hello darkness my old friend….

13. Everything about this moment is a gut punch. The way Hunter just stares at the weapons kit for a moment, the way that Wrecker’s the first one to speak up, the anger on Echo’s face when he counters with, “He shot you!”; the way Tech looks between Wrecker, the kit, and Echo a couple times before speaking up and then looks right at Echo as he finishes saying that it could be Crosshair’s chip that’s making him act the way he is, as though he’s trying to convince Echo specifically; Echo’s disbelief and the awfulness of, “That’s what they were designed to do.” Hunter shutting the conversation down before the debate really gets underway, and turning away from everyone (and us), probably so they (and we) can’t see his face. The way that each of them expresses one aspect of what they’re probably all feeling: the loss (Wrecker); the betrayal (Echo); the need for an explanation or a justification (Tech); and the way it’s all too painful to deal with (Hunter).

Speaking of Hunter, the way he reacts by shutting the conversation down and shifting the focus to the task at hand is a pretty well done depiction of the way some people deal with loss. Finding something to do, something to fix, something to keep your mind and hands busy, having a problem to solve; that’s just how some people are. Hunter isn’t taking Crosshair’s absence well, even at this point, and it’s important to remember that he only really found out about the chips and clone programming a few days ago. He’s probably still trying to reconcile that with the emotional betrayal of seeing Crosshair walk out into that hangar wearing black armor and ordering him to stand down.

Also, listen for a little four note motif in the music that plays under this scene. Then go listen to “Mayday.” I could be hearing wrong, but I could also be hearing right, and if I have to suffer, so do you.

14. Speaking of Crosshair, I really want to know why he needed another chip amplification procedure done. I mean, yes, it’s not definite that that’s what’s just happened to him when we cut to Kamino, but all the visual cues are there. My personal suspicion is that the first round took, as we saw at the end of “Aftermath,” but that it didn’t last the way it was supposed to after the batch left. My other personal suspicion is that this repeat procedure was potentially augmented, or more targeted, and that it wasn’t the only other time it happened to him. As much as a segment of the fandom was (and is) worried that Crosshair was or is going to be turned into another Clone X or proto-death trooper, I sort of think it works the other way around. Crosshair was already a test subject, we saw it happen in “Aftermath” and in this episode, and he might have already been patient zero for the early versions of what was later done to the poor guy who ended up as Clone X and the people who are going to end up death troopers, and his chip either being damaged or having to be removed after “Reunion” might be what saved him from being experimented on further, for a while, anyway. I don’t think being brainwashed again is in Crosshair’s future, just because that seems like the one way to screw up his character arc, but we’ll see.

15. God, the way Tarkin, Rampart, and the rest back up the literal chip-powered mind control poor Crosshair’s under with some good old fashioned regular brainwashing by making him a commander (in name only, apparently) of an elite squad of new recruits and talking about how important these new clone lead units are going to be for the transition into imperial power is just cruel. Crosshair’s brain is all kinds of messed up and they’re doing their best to make sure it stays that way. And Crosshair is so inexpressive through the episodes where his chip is at full strength compared to how he is in the rest of the show. He’s still in there, and it’s still him, but he’s being filtered through GoodSoldiersFollowOrders.exe and I just. What if I crawled into my screen and kicked Tarkin in the shins? What if I did that? (I would get shot, that’s what. But still.)

16. The Echo-Tech banter as they’re trying to fix the ship is fun, as is the Empire Strikes Back homage. Also, I love how Tech kind of downplays the situation by just saying that other systems are shutting down, and that Echo IMMEDIATELY jumps in and explains that SOMETHING IS ATTACKING THE SHIP.

17. So, we get Tech explaining that the creature is probably an ordo moon dragon, a creature that feeds on energy (we’ll get to that), and Echo saying that it would have been great if Tech had said that earlier. This isn’t the first of the last time someone will say something like this, and this next bit is kind of a silly thought based on almost nothing, but I sometimes wonder if Tech occasionally thinks he’s said something out loud or explained something when he hasn’t.

18. I don’t know what to do about the fact that the ordo moon dragon feeds on raw energy but lives on an apparently unsettled planet with no power generators or ships or whatevers, but it’s also not the only creature we meet that does this. The zillo beast also slurps down electricity like a breakfast smoothie. That kind of implies that there are natural sources of electricity around and that a number of creatures evolved to take advantage of is. But also it has teeth. Maybe it’s like the Zillo beast and can also eat other things. Maybe it grabs electric space eels, chews on electric charge for a while, and then eats the eel. Or something. I don’t know, it’s Star Wars, there are star whales that fly and jump through hyperspace, it doesn’t really have to make sense.

19. Omega says, “Then we’ll find a way to get him back—somehow,” and then Hunter looks back at her and smiles. And it kills me. And maybe it’s because we can only see half his face, but it’s the most unguarded smile I think we’ve seen from Hunter the entire show. He doesn’t think they can go back yet, but I think he still thinks it’s going to be possible someday, maybe even soon, and that when they do it’ll all work out and be fine and oh my sweet summer child…

20. That transition from Crosshair jumping down to Hunter and Omega walking though the mist is such a cool transition. You can’t even tell you’re in a new location until you see Hunter’s and Omega’s legs.

21. Crosshair opens fire on Saw’s camp, of course, but he misses. A lot. I think there’s one point where he fires four shots but only lands one. It’s not the batch, but he’s still pulling his shots here, as much as he can.

22. Along those lines, I do think it’s interesting that Crosshair doesn’t kill the civilians himself. They’re going to die, he can’t stop that, because those are the orders and he doesn’t have the capacity to say no to it at this point, but he passes the order along to his men. He doesn’t do it himself, and he doesn’t watch. Which is interesting.

23. Speaking of Crosshair’s men, you know what? Cowards. All except that one guy who had the backbone to say that murdering civilians is wrong. He’s a jackass about clones, but at least he’s not down for murder.

24. So the way Crosshair says, “dealt with,” when he reports to Tarkin and Rampart is brutal and it’s going to live rent free in my head.

25. *screams about the whole ending sequence with Wrecker and the room and the lights and Omega but also it’s the gunners chair and Crosshair sitting on his bunk and Echo patting Wrecker on the shoulder because he did a good thing and how the warmth of the one scene and the emptiness of the other enhance each other this show is going to kill me again*

[iamvegorott]

Meeting A Magical Man Pt. 57

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Marvin had some music softly playing from his phone. It just switched to The Nutcracker soundtrack, and he hummed along as he worked. Several potions sat aside, bottled up and wrapped with a little ribbon to make it look like a fancy gift, a perfume, instead of something magical. Most clients preferred that presentation, so no one got suspicious of them, which was funny since the jobs he took involved basically creating stronger medications or ‘enhancers’ for physical activities. Some were more appropriate than others. 

He was now writing down notes about his inventory, running low on ingredients used often in his creations. Many he could easily buy online and have shipped to him, but others were a little more work since only certain people could get them. Looks like they’ll need to be another Paris trick for him and Chase soon, and that thought got a happy flutter in his chest. 

It was funny how drastically different Marvin was about his feelings with Chase compared to when they were in Paris. How he was in denial and felt like it was a losing fantasy of keeping Chase with him, but now he was more than sure he’d be sticking around for a long time.  

“Marvin?” Mad peeked into the room and let out a relieved sigh, showing he had been looking for him. 

“Didn’t think you’d be up until the others got home.” Marvin giggled, writing down his last word before he forgot it, and then looked at Mad. “Oh, would you look at that~” He added with a playful purr. “Mare’s shirt?” 

“Oh, uh-yeah.” Mad tugged down on the shirt some more, the length of it making it appear like he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He had some shorts, but they were the ones Marvin got him, so they were very short but very soft at the same time. “I wanted something bigger on my chest, and Mare’s shirt was the right size,” Mad explained as he walked into the room. 

“Wearing someone else’s clothing always feels a little more comfortable, especially after having sex with them,” Marvin added a little wink, and Mad couldn’t help a little flustered giggle as he climbed up the counter Marvin was working at, sitting beside the messy work station. Mad could smell the magic still lingering in the air. 

“I can believe that.” Mad felt the fabric of the shirt between his fingers. 

“So? How’d it go? Was Mare good to you for your first time?” Marvin practically looked like a curious cat, a little ironic as the actual cat of the house pouted and jumped up on the counter with Mad. Al went into Mad’s lap and purred loudly as he rubbed his face and body all over him. 

“It…It was good.” Mad’s face went red, running his hand down Al’s back. 

“I can see Mare likes leaving little reminders behind.”

“Little reminders?” 

“Hickies.” Marvin pointed to his own neck as he took his phone out and opened the camera, letting Mad see himself in it. 

“O-Oh! Oh, wow…” Mad trailed his fingers across the bruising. “Wait.” He placed the phone down, adjusted Al, and moved the bottom of his shirt, exposing that he had matching markings on his thighs. Marvin broke out in a loud laugh when he saw them as well. 

“Twins!” 

“What?”

“Chase likes doing the same thing.” Marvin unbuttoned his shirt more, showing Mad his chest and how there were hickies all over him. The coloring and fading told him that some were a lot fresher than others. “He says he decided to start making it easier for me to hide them, but I think he just likes keeping them to himself.”

“They must heal differently,” Mad commented. “I ended up healing my…” He cleared his throat and assumed that would be enough for Marvin to understand. “But wouldn’t the bruising go away with it?” 

“You can target healing magic. Your brain probably focused on what was inconvenient, and the hickies were left alone.” Marvin explained. “If you want, I can heal those for you.”

“No, no, I…I like them.” Mad said the last part very softly. 

“Nothing wrong with that. I keep mine for the same reason. Well, that and because Chase usually gets worked up seeing them, too.” Marvin chuckled as he put his shirt back in place, finding himself tempted to change outfits before the others got home. Mad’s choice of clothing gave him a few ideas.

“Worked up? So-uh-aroused?” 

“Yep. Good catch.”

“Thanks.” Mad chewed his lip in thought as Marvin started cleaning up. “Do you…Do you think Mare would also get worked up from them?” 

“Considering he’s the one that made them, absolutely.” Marvin giggled, setting the remaining ingredients back on the shelf where they belonged. His organizational system wouldn’t make sense to anyone else but himself, and he liked it that way. “And, if I may provide a little tip; if you want Mare to bluescreen when he gets home, keep his shirt on, undo a few extra buttons, and let him see his work.” 

“That’s it?”

“Lose the shorts as well, and you’ll be in for an interesting second time.” 

“That’s…o-oh.” Mad’s blush from earlier deepened, face giving away that his thoughts were wandering to some interesting places. 

“You’ll have to let me know if I’m right.” Marvin giggled. 

“Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me this time?” 

“For helping me and Mare get together. If it wasn’t for you and Chase convincing us to come with you, we’d still be in denial. We’d still be with Actor. I’d still believe I wasn’t worthy of…thank you.”

“Oh, darling.” Marvin cleared his hands, and he faced Mad. “You two would have ended up in each other’s arms at some point. Fate is…well, it’s a messy thing. It always finds a way to put everything how it should be and uses us to help push it along. Henrik got me, and Chase started, and strangely enough, Dark was the one who pushed us together with his little contract stunt with Chase.” 

“So…with that logic, Actor started it, and you and Chase pushed us together?” Mad tried to follow along. “I wish fate would have found a different starting point.” 

“Fate is chaotic and merciless, but sometimes, it gives you the best thing you could ever need.” 

“Like Chase?”

“And Mare.” The two laughed at themselves. 

“Maybe this fate of yours can give us a break? Just for a bit.” 

“We’ll have to wait and see what Anti tells us about those men at Henrik’s.” 

“Yeah.” Mad sighed, looking down at Al and seeing the cat curled up and napping on him. 

“I still can’t believe you literally threw that man,” Chase said with a laugh, telling Marvin and Mad that he and the others were home. 

“Want me to send you to the room and have Mare come see you? I’ll have Al go to his cat tree as well.” Marvin offered, chuckling when Mad was blushing again and nodding. He snapped his fingers, sending Mad and Al away and also himself to the living room. Splitting a spell like that always took a lot of extra effort, but the day was over. He could afford to be a little reckless. 

“I was just doing my job,” Jackie said with a shrug. 

“You were being protective.” Chase corrected. 

“Like I said.” 

“My hero.” Phantom giggled, hugging Jackie’s arm and walking him away. “Let’s head to the room so I can give you a reward~” 

“What’s in the room?” Jackie asked.

“The bed.”

“How is the-Oh!” 

“He’s worse than you.” Marvin teased Chase. 

“I’m not that bad.” Chase protested.

“Sweetie.” 

“Okay, maybe I am, sometimes.” 

“And it’s cute.” 

“Is Mad still out?” Mare asked. 

“He is in the room, but he’s far from out. He’s waiting for you~” Marvin sang the last part.

“Waiting for me?” 

“Waiting for you.” 

“Goodnight,” Mare said quickly and snapped his fingers, not even wanting to wait long enough to head to the room with his legs. 

“Alright, even I caught on to that.” Chase chuckled. 

“Good boy, you’re getting better.” Marvin purred as he unbuttoned his shirt, seeing Chase’s eyes going straight to his chest, to the bruising that was slowly exposed. “Would you like to relieve some work-related stress~?”

“Yes!” Chase didn’t give Marvin a chance to use magic and scooped him up, carrying him through the house. Their laughs echoed against the walls as they went. 

----------

Tags: @brokentimewatch @bookwormscififan @d-structive @rainymae523 @ashtonisvibing

[neonscandal]

Neon, from all openings and endings songs of BNHA & JJK, which are your fav? Why?

Ooof, you're probably expecting really deep analysis to accompany these likes but my pleasure is not always that deep so please lower your expectations! I'm usually listening and looking at the animations for easter eggs and vibes, if anything, I don't religiously look up translations. Some of your questions are so funny to me, I'm sorry to disappoint if this wasn't what you were expecting!

This is a light skinned man. IYKYK

JJK

Off the top of my head, I feel like JJK has no misses? Hitting different vibes but nothing that feels like a theme song. Don't get me wrong, I love a good "Gotta Catchem All" or Pokemon Rap, too, but I prefer songs that don't feel out of place if it just popped up on shuffle, you know?

KaiKai Kitan - THE TROLLING.

Lost in Paradise - Catchy AF. Plus, this was as close as we were getting to a filler episode. I love how "simple" the illustration style is but the animations of each character have so much personality in their movements. Plus, provided a solid cozy cosplay on the last day of cons when you want to dress up but don't want to be encumbered as you hit the dealer room and artist alley.

Give it Back - even without the translation, this is sad. The animation is sad. The idea of this day that never happened when you think about the canon timeline is sad. It inspired a mediocre lil oneshot because why would they do this to me, specifically? This, of course, is animating something so realistic but ethereal.

Ichizu - okay, so maybe I looked up the translation to this one too and just.. SatoSugu.

Where Our Blue Is and Lantern - make me want to burst into flames? Also, I had a no-sleep-epiphany the other night where, if Geto was the last blue spring of Gojo's youth and blue is the basis of Gojo's strength then... I failed to make a sensical connection because I clearly don't rest and I'm unwell. It's currently 3:45AM. But it was something along the lines of equating that Gojo is not at full strength without Geto.

Specialz - this animation is just. 😘👌🏾 Also the breakdown at "I love you, baby". Nevermind that it is synonymous with tragedy and trauma. King Gnu clearly must have known that when signing on since a great deal of JJK songs are theirs

More Than Words - Again, simple illustration but also capturing this idea of youth for the trio which... after S2 is so *melt emoji*?? I think the theme of romanticizing life and their connection to one another while actively contrasting with murder and mayhem is so funny to me. 🥲

God tier level looping, tbh. Ty for your service @osakaxkobe

MHA

Def more of a casual enjoyer for the music on MHA. Especially since the brain rot for this series didn't set in for a very long time so I had to go back and look up each song.

Peace Sign - my niece and nephew dance to this song dramatically and, knowing none of the words confidently, sing anyway. I think it's the instrumentals and the clapping that does it for me haha

Odd Future - lowkey meets the "appears on shuffle without being too embarrassing" requirement but, with MHA being as pervasive as it is... will not beat the weird kid allegations if this pops up because I think it's recognizable

Merry Go Round - That "Hey Brother Listen" popped off so does the crescendo.

Hitamuki - I just like the graphical switch up to the comic book style because isn't it so silly and cute just to preface some trauma??

North Wind - are you kidding me? Showing all these critical moments from Deku's first. person. perspective. to elevate how important the people shown are when we've had largely the whole story from his actual first person perspective? As he's running to catch up to everything the story has built up to like running through a museum exhibit. Inspired. Beautiful. No notes.

Sketch - for the depression. ✨

Datte Atashi no Hero - just... fantasy AU. Song I can do without but who am I to ignore the best AU illustrated and animated? A nobody, that's who.

Believe - Hawks really said "The next time the cherry blossoms fall, I hope we will all be smiling" and then everything went to shit.

Shout Baby - less song more visual commentary. Hero or villain, it all started where Class 1A is right now, some of it even sooner (like with Tenko).

[fragilecapric0rnn]

HAPPY WIP WUESDAY!

back to our semi-regularly scheduled programming

Thank you Louseph @cheatghost for the tag! I feel like everyone has been tagged in this recently, so I will just say that anyone who sees this and wants to do it, consider yourself tagged by me !!!!!

Rules:

Post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post.

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in or just post.

WIPs: (only actively working on 2 fics rn but they are very meaty and juicy so. have at it!)

1992

A PLOT [yj timefuck fic]

T PLOT [ALSO yj timefuck fic]

1992 snippet under the cut:

About 3 beers later the group, crossed and drunk, stumble down the outdoor stairs of the apartment complex. Jonathan taking the lead, Argyle and Robin lazily ranting to each other about something, leaving Eddie and Steve lingering in the back of the group.

Eddie tugs on Steve’s shirt sleeve and mouths ‘Follow my lead. and leaving no time for him to react as he immediately starts patting down on his pockets.

“Oh fuck, I think I forgot my wallet.” 

And Steve knows one of two things is going to happen if he decides to play along.

If it's the first thing that came to his mind, it'll make this night a lot more fun.

But if it's the second thing…

Jonathan tosses his keys to Eddie, the jingle of them making contact with Eddie's palm flicks the Fuck It switch on in his brain.

“I’ll go with you, I wanna put my contacts in.” As the words come out of his mouth, he feels Robin's eyes on him.

“But you hate your contacts?” 

“I’d hate to fork out more money for new glasses. Again.” Steve is walking backwards, smiling at Robin’s suspicious face. She shrugs and continues whatever conversation she was having with Argyle. 

They silently make their way back up the steps, curiosity crawling up Steve's chest and into his throat all the way until their almost at the front door.

“You were giving me a signal, right?” Eddie asks casually, leaving even more room for the wrong interpretation and leaving Steve with a rock the size of his fist at the base of his throat.

Steve narrows his eyes, not totally sure what he’s being asked now that it’s just the two of them. Alone.

Eddie doesn't wait for a response before letting them both back into the apartment.

[starfallskitter]

TBH I think that thinking of your alters as “other people” does systems a disservice, because you’re then thinking that the way your brain works should be the same as if completely seperate people were inhabiting it and that’s just not how things are.

Your alters can’t really do stuff while they aren’t fronting, because it’s not the same as someone just being away- you’ve got one brain and it’s currently processing whatever’s happening in front. Some stuff can happen subconsciously but it’s not really the same.

Your system shouldn’t all have intricate lives of their own as fully capable seperate people because you’re living with the resources of one brain. You’re however many pieces with one person’s executive functioning skills, most of the time you’ll be sharing the responsibilities of one life, and most alters won’t interact with most parts of your life.

You should not expect every alter to have a hugely distinguished personality that shares nothing in common with every other alter, when you’re all living the same life. Yeah, some alters will be more interested or good at different things you do- that’s what being a system is- but you should expect more overlap in hobbies and behaviours than you would of complete strangers, and not only is it common for alters to not be hugely distinguishable from one another, it’s part of the point. Most systems have to hide, and most of your behaviour is influenced by outside sources, after all. while alters will differ, they’re exposed to similar outside influences and must deal with similar experiences.

And on the subject of hiding, how many of your friends do you think you could switch bodies with without your other friends noticing? Most of mine I could, I think, and if we were actively trying to hide it, like I hide my system, probably all of them. The point being: you shouldn’t expect each alter to be as obviously different to the people around you, if only because people don’t pay that much attention to the people around them to truly notice. Most people wouldn’t notice if you switched out with your identical twin, so why would they notice if you’re a different alter?

I think recognising that alters are different and act independently of one another doesn’t have to come at the cost of remembering that you’re working with one brain. No, I’m not any of my alters. When I say I am one person, I am not saying that I specifically am any of my alters- rather, I am a piece of the person I would’ve been, with a disorder that doesn’t allow me to experience the whole of my self at once.

It’s up to you to decide how you feel about yourself, but personally I find being a system a lot easier to accept and understand when viewed this way. I think viewing yourselves as completely seperate *people* puts too much pressure on each alter. You don’t have to live up to being a whole damn person, because you’re literally not.

[argon-vile]

Thank you for your kind comments; it is hard to reach out

Hello thank you so much for all of your kind comments on my art recently! Some of you just leave short comments like "Nice" or "I love it" and others write epic poems worthy of submission to the National Archives. Either way they always make me smile. I try not to make it a habit to react to them in the morning, because it is honestly so joyful reading them that I will not get any work done throughout the day. But every few hours throughout the day between activities, I will look at them and reply to a few and it makes me very happy so thank you! I'm also sorry I'm so hard to talk to. It's something that has changed that I don't like. I can look at digital backups of my conversations from back in 2005 or 2015 and it almost feels like I was literally a different person back then! But 7 or 8 years ago it is like a switch suddenly flipped in my head. Instead of perceiving conversations as fun ways to get to know people, suddenly conversations were now an obstacle in the way of other things I want to do. Whether I am drawing, watching a show, gaming with friends or gaming by myself, studying or anything else if I get a message, my brain instinctively fights against it. "A message! Ugh! Make it go away! I want to concentrate on this other thing!" While I'm not making excuses for my behavior, I think it might stem from living without roommates. When you live with someone else, your time is constantly interrupted by them cooking meals, playing music, going out -- small incidental events that make you resurface from the depths and think, "Oh that's right! I'm a human being who exists in a world with humans." When you live by yourself, you often go entire days with only cursory human contact and it's easy to think that your drawings, your shows or your games are the most important things in the world. I had a moment of clairvoyance the other day when I realized there are certain human phrases like "They're spending a lot of time together" which is seen as a positive, or "She's spending a lot of time alone" which is always a negative. "They're always with each other," oh that's nice! Are they going out? "She's always by herself," Oh no! Should we talk to her? ... ...And on one level that's a toxic mindset, why is spending time alone bad? People can spend their time however they like. But on the other hand it makes sense -- not in an oppressive "everybody must be an extrovert" way but in a healthier way. Humanity and its causes are primarily advanced through interacting with humans. If we talk about a fun new video game I'm playing or we go see a movie together, these kinds of shared experiences gradually make the world a better place. If I play a video game and watch Netflix by myself, the world is about the same as it was. So maybe being by yourself is a mistake (at least a little one) and maybe having a preference for being alone is bad (or at least a little bad.) Anyways I appreciate everyone's efforts to reach out and I apologize if sometimes it feels like I am slapping your hand away! It's something wrong with me, and I'm trying my best to compensate for it. You're all very special to me! Thank you for playing Monster Mind, I appreciate everyone talking about it so much. I'd love to make another video game like it some day! It would be very difficult for me but I think it would be fun to try.

[like-eachothersghosts]

            When I say ‘I wish I could be more creative’ I mean it weird. From the outside, I am. I go to art school for fuck’s sake. Art of all kinds is such a huge part of my life and who I am. And I know I'm good at it. Great, even. I’m great at drawing. I'm great at painting. At writing. At crafting. I'm pretty okay at guitar. I think I can sing (I know I can) (I'm good) (I'm just too dysphoric about my singing voice to ever use it) I am surrounded by art at all times (art school, remember) (bookshelf is an entire wall) (majority of floor space in my room is covered art supplies and half-finished projects (I’ll never finish them) (fuck, I want to) I am Always listening to music (its own whole thing) (I’ll get back to that)

            But I can’t help but feel like a fraud. Not in the usual sense. Not in the ‘I’m not talented enough to belong here, to have my work shown at this level’ (of course, I do feel that. We all do. But I’m talking about something else) I can do nothing without some kind of reference. ‘Working from imagination’ is not something I’ve Ever been good at, even as a kid. I want to. I really do. It’s frustrating as hell to want to draw, to paint, to write, to make something, but have absolutely no idea as to what or how. I know I have an imagination. A very good one at that (by that I mean I can visualize 2D and 3D objects in full color, texture, and detail. When I have music in my head, it is in the original singer’s voice with full instrumentation) If I were to have an idea, I could perfectly visualize it. Fully render it. But there is no idea. There never is. I feel like I must be broken in some way. God, I want to Create. Not just copy. The problem is, that doesn’t seem like the kind of skill you can learn. God, I want to learn.

And the most obvious and most frustrating example is music. My relationship with music is something so complicated that I still don’t fully understand it myself. It has to do with the neurodivergency, I’m sure, but I’ve never met anyone like me. I Always have music in my head. Always. As far back as I can remember. Until recently, I thought everyone did. And in full detail, as I mentioned previously, which I also believed was a universal experience until recently. Typically, it’s just a short clip, repeating endlessly until it switches to another song. It can be distracting. Because of this, and maybe because of other things (who knows) I am actively listening to music at most times. Almost always if I’m out doing anything. If I can control the music, if I can make it full songs, and have those songs constantly changing, I can think more clearly, pay better attention. (People have a hard time understanding that) (I have a hard time explaining it/convincing them) It fills up the pattern seeking part of my brain, which lets me do things other than search for patterns.

This would be fine, but for the part where it stops me from creating music of my own (at least I think it’s that) (God, I hope it’s that) (otherwise it’s back to the problem from two paragraphs up) (and that possibility hurts more) (hurts a lot actually) I want to be in a band. I’m perfectly happy playing someone else’s music. (Really! I am!) (it’s more about the playing Song with friends than it being My song) I don’t want to be the main guy (be that frontman or prime writer/lyricist) But I would like to make my own shit. I’d love to write music. I have no idea how anyone writes music. My head is too filled with melodies to make a new one. Lyrics are their own problem as well. I don’t know what the fuck I Could write about. I’m aroace. That knocks out a lot. I’m not fucked up enough to write about that either. Shit hasn’t been easy, but it’s never been That Bad. And I’m good now. No angst, no feeling of inferiority or of not being enough (for someone, for myself, for life, etc.) I’m happy! I’m doing well! I don’t have anything to say. I don’t know what I’d want to say. I feel like I could work on lyrics with someone else, like I could edit and add on and shit, but I don’t have someone else, at least not yet. And I’d still feel like I couldn’t take the credit because the Ideas wouldn’t be mine. And I am a firm believer in cringe is dead, but I feel like anything I’d come up with would be pretentious bullshit, and/or shit that makes things seem worse than they are. I don’t want to sell a false version of the tortured artist. I want to write lyrics. I want to write poetry. I want to write. But I have nothing. I want to learn. I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can. God, I want to.

When I say ‘I wish I could be more creative’, I put the emphasis on the ‘could’, because I can’t help but feel like I can’t.

[devojkazadisko]

On picky eating

I have thought of multiple ways to start this text, but all of them sounded equaly cliché. Guess I can't help it. I've always been at creative writing, so I'm just going to jump into it, I'm writings this to atemp to gather a cohesive narrative about my picky eating. All this thoughts spring up to me when I saw post from a girl saying a date in a nice restaurant is a must. My immediate reaction to that was: "God, no!", that sounded like hell to me. Then I started to think how having a formal dinner would surely be a dreaded occurrence in my life. I seriously can not imagine anyone enjoying it, but evidently people do, so what makes me feel so diffrently?

Through this journey of self examination. The first thought that came to my mind, is that that I'd be so self conscious about people who I'm having dinner with possibly judging me beacuse I'm struggling with the menu trying to find something I like in it. Every time on my way to food place I would be thinking of they have pizza, plain chicken meet baked potatoes or any other food I am comfortable with. What if their recipes are a bit diffrent and have strong spices? Sometmise I wish it wac socially acceptable to just order nothing. I'd pick that option every time, it's hassle free. So before I even arrive I've had anxiety building up. My anxiety stays at same if I am eating with acquaintances. They don't know my eating habits, but when it's people know me, I'm being met with a question: "why don't you eat something better?". That just makes me feel watched.

I come from a culture when eating red meat, mostly pork, is considered one of the best meals and the primary reason to go to a restaurant. We all can have pizza at home anytime, but pork and other meats it's are the celebration, special occasion highly regarded meals. A lot people read my chosings as sign of dissrispect of the ocassion. I am aware that this sounds really ungrefull, but keep in mind that I don't express these feelings. I keep them inside me. I'm very happy for the reason this going out is for.

This brings me to the second part of my story. Why I'm so anxious about food. My parents claim that I've been.... God, I feel valnurable trying to justify and explain my picky eating. I do only have couple of meals a couple of meals I eat and one that can be remixed into like 10 others (if you switch out grinded meat for salami, lasagna, bolonese, pizza and sandwiches become basicly the same thing). I do understand that I am this is a bad diet and that I'm not getting enough nutrients. I do understand the concern, but to my brain bigger concern is me not linking the food and unconciusly having a gag reflex, especially infront of someone. In the best scenario I try something that I end up liking I added it to my list of comfortable foods. Unfortunately, If some times passes of me not eating that good, the anxiety creeps back in and I'm back at the begingin. This is currently happening to me with peanut butter. Each time it takes me less to try again, it really is a lot mental effort to brake those barriers and I am actively working on them. The thing is that is a slow procces. I want to praise myself for succeeding in being able to eat cake on birthdays. Back to my original sentence.

Ever since I can rember, I've been like this. Even before that, by my parents recollection I was a choosy baby. I don't envy my parents at all, I have a weak appetite and stress only makes it worse, I don't doubt that I just refused to eat. I don't know how much of our personality is based on upbringing and how much is based on our nature. Whatever the reason is I worry a lot about displeasing people, especially my parents. I know they tried their best to give my variety of foods, but I would just refuse them, of course that created frustration for them and I could definitely feel them. In the end this would just create a very negative association of anxiety and sadness with food. As I grew the list of foods I ate shortened. My parents tried their the best. They tryed by standing their ground, they said that I could not leave the table until I ate. I always took 2 or 3 bites, before I'd feel the gag reflex. I could not do more then that, as the minutes would go by I could see my dad getting more upset. Eventually he'd raise his voice, that would just make my eyes start watering and my throat closing. Eventually that would lead to an argument, and by the end my throat would swell up that I couldn't eat anything.

Other way they would try to combat my pickines was by giving the same thing for dinner. I would just go bed without dinner. I was also trying to find a solution I would frequently put condiments or spreds on stuff I didn't like. I would put nuttela (nuttela ripoffs to be precise) on fritters, ketchup and mayo on choucroute garnies. That would only last for so long.

One day my father made some of those choucroute garnies. Recently before that I had really began struggling with them (the taste of meat became to overpowering for me). I told him that I didn't want to eat them. This upset him a lot, as from his perspective this was an okay food and he put a lot of effort into it. He asked me again, and I firmly responded: "No". By that age my self awareness allowed me to think that my dad should understand how hard this is for me, but I wasn't self aware enough to realize how hurtful my words could be. We started having an argument, strong words were exchanged and dad began yelling, that broke me. I was going to eat that meal no mather what. I began eating eating, as seconds past, the words that were said we're settling in. Tears rolled down my face, my throat was closing and I gaged.

My father was in the room watching me. I immediately looked up to check if he saw me. He did. He started at me for a second, It felt like eternity. I've never seen his eyes look so cold. He hastly came up to me and away my plate with his hands visibly shaking and left the room with out a word.

Words cannot explain the pain and sadness I felt in my chest. My heart just sank. I imeditaly burst into tears trying my best not to be heard. The silence in the house after everything left me feeling even worse and I was too scared to go to him and apologize. I was scared of seeing that blank stare again.

Of course that didn't happend, my dad loves me to the moon back there is not a thing he woundn't do for me. With retrospect I know that to him that looked like rejection of all the love he had for me, as that is one of his ways that he shows love. To this day even when I'm 23, Hell I'm sure even when I'm 40 he'll be making me meals. After I apologized and we talked I think he finally understood me. I think that's the point at which I finally started get a bit more relaxed that gave a position zero in exploring foods. One day when I felt no pressure pressure I tried fritters with chesse and tomatoes, and I liked it. They are not my favorites but I'll gladly eat them when my dad makes them.

There are some many more little stories of my experience with picky eating, like when I repitedly tried to make my self eat rice beacuse I don't find the taste that bad, but keep stumbling beacuse of the texture. I wouldn't survive in Asia. Or when I was little and was made sandwiches for school and I'd trow them away or give them to a friend beacuse I couldn't eat them cold (salami doesn't taste the best cold). Of course not eating in school would create problems like almost passing out during PE and having low iron in blood. On the happier not It was always funny when my parents would try to pass of pork as chicken or something like that and I'd always clock them. I could also tell what else did dad cut with the knife he used on my tomatoes. And my favorite one is being able to tell what's for lunch when entering the house, it's also useful for guessing ingredients in unfamiliar meals.

Anyways, this is already a lot already. I spent 3 hours writing this. Writing like this helps me self acceptance of the way that my body works. I try my best with what I've got. This little text helped me understand myself. Good night Internet (and by that I mean the AI that's gonna read this when checking for inappropriate stuff) . Toodles.

Ps. No spell check it's 9 in the morming

[booksforself]

amazon product reviews

best books for entrepreneurs

Would you want to know how to change your health for better? Thinking of in the position immediately that requires some altering?

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[sinister-compliments]

When I read this it sounds like your tying perception to consciousness in a way I just don’t think it entails. It sounds like you’re saying something that can perceive must be conscious but I just don’t think that’s true, even if we don’t know everything on the topic we know [roughly] how eyes work, we know the brain perceives through chemical reaction, it’s atoms reacting in very complex ways, we even have ideas about how thinking is chemical reaction (which would include a more conceptual idea like “understanding”, covering the two major definitions of perception the reaction to our senses, and understanding)

So “if consciousness is an illusion what’s perceiving that illusion?” Us, however you want to think about “us” within this context, humans, bags of flesh and bone, piloted by a little sack of fat (plus some water, protein, salt, carbohydrates) full of very complex chemical reactions to make a biomechanical suit. I mean we can actually see brains react to stimuli in an MRI, it is very clearly a physical phenomenon.

there’s also a bit of risk of equivocation here because sometimes consciousness is actually only referring to this physical activity (aware of and reacting to one’s surroundings, pretty much all animals could probably fit this definition) but there’s also a more supernatural view of consciousness (when it gets tied into concepts like the spirit, souls, freewill, or that humans are the only ones who have it, essentially when people want to view what they think of as themself as something at least partially detached from just being physical phenomena) the equivocation at risk here is if you start with it just being a provable physical thing and then switch to a different view of consciousness so that you can say non-provable [especially non-physical] things are true (like the soul or spirit or freewill).

If you’re only referring to the physical idea of consciousness it’s going to be a lot less contested (if you make that clear to people) because okay yeah the brain has physical reactions so what? It’s just a word with a definition for an aspect of the physical world, like how we have the word “river” for water flowing on the surface towards another waterbody. It’s when you’re referring to the more supernatural consciousness (as I thought you were when I read your post, especially because of the freewill comment) you’ll find that there are those of us who go “uhh yeah that consciousness is an illusion” typically because we only view the world as physical phenomena.

I mean you can still deny the physical along with any other intentions behind the use of consciousness. But to strictly deny that any form of what is doing the perceiving doesn’t exist would essentially fall under René Descartes “I think therefore I am” where the idea that something thinking it could not exist [in some form, not necessarily as it perceived itself] is illogical because it clearly does exist to think about itself [in some form] to think about itself (really completely ignoring what Descartes was actually doing when he wrote that famous phrase, but I needed that specific bit about something thinking it could not exist)

I can’t actually tell if the type of person you referred to in the first post was just trying to deny a more spiritual/supernatural consciousness and opt for a purely physical world or denying the physical world as an illusion too and opting only for something that believes itself to be experiencing that fake world. But I’ve rambled far far too long, hopefully in an understandable way, and more hopefully I at least understood the topic at hand correctly.

I have a certain amount of admiration for cognitive scientists who are prepared to cut the Gordian knot of defining what a mind is and simply deny the validity of their own subjective experience. I mean, obviously someone who looks you in the eye and says "I'm not actually conscious, I just behave as though I am" is full of shit, but you've gotta respect the audacity.

[verus-veritas]

Legacy

Revenge, Technology, Mind Transference, with a dash of unrequited love. What’s not to love? /Verus

"Dude! P-please! I'm sorry! Whatever you think I've done, it must all be a mistake!" Andew yelled, thrashing against his confinements and eyeing the only point of exit in the room. His firm muscles were wet and taut against his clothes, and his handsome face flush red with terror and worry.

"Are you really sorry though? It didn't seem like it from the way you acted during Gavin's funeral. The sneers and laughter you made as his parents said their final words to him..." I said, hiding in the shadows. Only my feet and the contours of my body was visible for him to see.

"N-no offense. I just found it funny when the parents said they wish he'd atleast gotten a girlfriend before he passed away-" The same devious sneer returned on his perfectly handsome face, as he most likely remembered the scene in his head.

"Of course you found it funny. Because you knew he was completely gay. Gay, and had a massive crush on you for ages. He literally worshipped the ground you walked on, and spent most of his waking hours wishing he could be with you." I explained, slowly walking around him as I pulled out a flimsy latex cap with electronical nodes attached to it.

"And I let him. I did no wrong." Andrew talked back. His eyes following my figure until I stood directly behind him.

"No! You lead him on, made him believe you were actually interested in him. And then you destroyed him. You are the reason he ran out of the house crying, and you are the reason he didn't see the truck speeding towards him!" My voice was shaking as I quickly slapped the cap onto his head, accidentally pulling out a few strands of his hair.

"Ouuch! Get this thing off me!" He shook his head and began thrashing about again.

"You know. He really loved you... He said he was going to make you the happiest man on earth. Showering you with gifts and undying love, and be by your side forever and ever. That's why he trusted you so wholeheartedly and let you do whatever you wanted."

"Naive..." He quietly muttered under his breath.

"He was even fine with you staring and drooling over other girls. As long as he could stay by your side."

"What a fag..." I could hear him gritting his teeth.

"But that evening when you invited him over, only to have him find you in the bedroom hooking up with a random girl... that completely ruined him. You shattered his dream, his self-confidence, and his sensitive soul! He didn't know what to do and where to go, which is why he ran straight out into the traffic..." My voice was uncontrollably going up and down now, as I was unable to hide my emotions.

"Dude only had himself to blame. He should've known I only had him around for the free stuff he bought for me." Andrew snickered, as he looked down at the expensive shorts Gavin had bought for him a few weeks prior.

"How dare you!" I tried to punch his shoulder, but knew I was too weak to do any real damage against his hard muscles.

"Y'know... it almost sounds like you had feelings for him- Wait a minute! You're that pastry white kid that always walked around with him aren't you?! Hah! 'Ghost boy' we called you!" The tone in his voice shifted - with more confidence and arrogance. Back to the way he normally talked - a manipulative bastard at heart. "I see. So you best friend Gavin never had feelings for you, and now that he's gone you blame yourself for not having stopped him."

"......" I clenched my hands till my knuckles turned white.

"Hah! Maybe you really were a horrible friend. Have you thought about that you might be the reason he's dead?" He laughed, obviously enjoying the way he was toying with my feelings.

"...you have no idea..." I mumbled, as tears began to flow down my cheeks.

"Maybe you should be the one sitting in this chair - tied up and wearing this stupid cap on your head. Hehe."

I took a deep breath and calmed myself, before walking around him once again and turning so he could see me. See the real me... one last time. "I will. Soon."

"W-what do you mean with that? And why are you also wearing that ridiculous cap?" He asked. His tone in voice once again becoming panicked and anxious.

"You see. The reason why I'm so pale is because I spend so much time at home playing with my inventions and devices. Coding is one of my favorite things to do. And for the last few months I've relentlessly been working on creating this device we're both wearing right now. It was originally only meant to be used on you, recoding the patterns in your brain into loving Gavin as much as he loved you. While also erasing all of your bad traits and turning you into his ideal boyfriend... but there's no reason for that anymore, is there? So, I upgraded it into 2.0, which can now be used with two people."

"P-pff... yeah right... and what does this new version do then?"

"It can transfer the consciousness between two human brains. Even recoding the brain into believing the new consciousness have always been in control of its own body. All the memories, habits, and even muscle memory will be easily accessible to the new permanent owner." I explained, as I began fiddling with a machine by our side. The nodes on our caps lit up.

"Permanent?! Wait a minute. Let's say all of this freaky sci-fi stuff is actually real, what's going to happen to my consciousness?" Andrew asked, as he began to get more anxious by the beeping sound of the nodes on his head.

"All gone. Overwritten by mine. Erased out of existence with no way of restoring it." I answered nonchalantly. Flicking the last switched around, the device was now ready to be activated.

"What the fuck! Then you're basically killing me?! Get me out of here, you sick freak!" He began violently thrashing against the back of the chair, and flung his head around to get the latex cap off... but to no avail.

"Am I really though? Your memories, your body, and your relationships will all still be here, under my complete control. I'm just... discarding a small part of you that's no longer necessary."

"No...no... Help! HELP! SOMEONE!! THIS CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER IS GOING TO KILL ME!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, but the soundproofed walls would do him no good.

I flicked the final switch and walked over to him as the machine began buzzing. Standing in front of him, I suddenly sat down on his lap and grabbed hold of his face. I stared into his fearful yet piercing blue eyes and slid my hands across the cheeks and contours of his face.

"This beautiful face of yours that Gavin loved, I promise I'll take good care of it and cherish it until the day I die. It's the least I can do to honor my friend Gavin." I leaned forward and gently laid a kiss on his sweaty forehead, while holding him in place as he screamed for all he was worth.

"No! Noo! NOoO-Uoogguuughhhh" His scream turned into a gurgle as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. At the same time, my eyes went white and hazy as my pastry body slumped over and fell on the cement floor. Most likely cracked open its head or something from the sound of it.

"NgOOuoouughhgguuuhh!!!" Andrew's head flung back and forth as if to fight whatever was invading his head, but it barely took a minute before the thrashing suddenly stopped and his head slumped down.

His eyes were closed, his face flushed red from exertion, and the sweat and drool pooled down onto his expensive shorts. A further five minutes of stillness and blinking nodes passed before any activity was seen.

---

*Gasp*

I awoke to the cap on my head giving me a quick electric shock. In front of me laid my old withered body, lifeless and without a doubt stone dead. My throat felt dry and tired, and the ties on my arms hurt like hell. In fact, everything felt, looked, and smelt different. The smell oozing from my sweaty clothes that once smelt great now stunk in my nose. I could recall from Andrew's memories that he showered atleast twice a day. I showered atleast twice a day.

After some fiddling with the special knots in my back, I easily slipped the rope off. Massaging the sore parts on my wrist, I soon relished in how big and strong my new hands looked now. Hands who should've been holding Gavin's...

I explored further up till I reached my new bulging biceps. Squeezing them I felt how firm and taut they were. I never in a million years would have managed to get myself this big, but here I was, standing in the body of a perfect specimen. The body of the man who my friend loved, but who didn't truly love him back. If only I could've done this before Gavin died... Would he have loved me instead, or would he have hated me for what I had done? Well, atleast he would've been alive.

My focus went to my Andrew face, as I caressed the blemish-free skin and the small stubble forming on it. The face of the man I had hated for a while, the face of the man whose identity I would have to take over, and the face I would see in the mirror for as long as I breathed. It was one of the most handsome faces I've ever laid my eyes on no doubt, so I'm perfectly fine with that decision.

My hands continued to explore what was now mine; running fingers through my lush but wet hair, following the outline of my cobblestone abs, and shaking my strong and muscular legs awake from sitting too long.

Not long after I finally slipped the drool and sweat-soaked shorts off myself and watched as the tool between my legs arose to its new owner. It might not have been as long as my former one, but the very girth of it made up for it. As I enveloped it between my palms, I realized that no one had ever been as intimate with Andrew's tool as I was now, and no one would ever be. Not even Gavin would if he was somehow resurrected. Only I, Andrew would ever know how this throbbing member would feel in my own hands, the endorphins and pleasure its touch would send throughout my amazing body, and the ultimate earth-shattering orgasms I would experience as I edge myself to climax every day from now on.

The very thought of it immediately brought me to the brink of orgasm, so I quickly spread my legs apart and thrust the member fully through my grasp. It was all that was needed as I suddenly began shaking with pleasure and exploded shot after shot of Andrew seed all over the floor, myself and my former lifeless body."Ugh! Uuuugh! UUUuOOGggHH!!"

“.... Holy shit.....” I moaned, slightly shocked by the unfamiliarity of the new voice coming from my throat.

Reeling from my first ever orgasm in my new body and life, I sat back down on the chair and took a breather. I was sweaty, my crotch sticky, and my armpits stunk. Yet, I know I still looked glorious. How couldn't I? After all, I am Andrew. The man who Gavin loved, and who loved him back just as much, if not even more...

I will dedicate this new life of mine to worship and care for this body just as much as Gavin would have. His legacy, Andrew's body and life, and my consciousness have finally become one... and I promise I will carry them with pride and confidence to the grave... even if it is the only thing I will accomplish in this short insignificant life of mine.

[bulletnotestudies]

☁️ 10 tips on studying when your motivation’s nowhere to be found

i got an ask about this yesterday and decided to turn my reply into a post because having trouble focusing when you’re super unmotivated is really common, so i thought more people might find this helpful :) buckle up kiddos, this is gonna be a long one!

1. i want you to remember that this is a universal experience.

every student out there struggles like hell sometimes, and that’s completely normal; you’re not a machine and that means you can’t possibly churn out work 24/7 without burning out. so try not to beat yourself up too much okay, you’re doing great!

2. take a deep breath and identify the reason you’re feeling like this

are you burnt out because of stress or overworking yourself? are you overwhelmed by the amount of tasks on your plate? is there a particular assignment or exam scaring you to the point where you don’t want to start studying? these are all normal reasons for lack of motivation and knowing the why will help you figure out the how - you gotta know the problem to solve it.

3. i know you feel like you’re months behind, but start small

small achievements accumulate. repeat this sentence to yourself daily, write it on a sticky note and keep it on the wall above your desk (it’s exactly what i did). break up daunting tasks into smaller ones; got a billion formulae to know by heart? memorise 3 every day (you’ll have memorised more than 20 by the end of the week!). got a long chapter to study? divide it into smaller chunks and just focus on 1-3 pages a day. slow and steady, you can do it

4. the pomodoro technique is a lifesaver!

i always use this technique when i’m feeling unmotivated and cannot focus. sometimes, your mind just won’t stop wandering off and so scheduling regular breaks is a must! try going for 25 minutes of work, followed by a 5 minute break, then repeat the cycle :) you’ll be less tempted to prolong your break if you know there’s another one coming in less than half an hour. if 25min is too long, try just 15 minutes of focus and work your way up form there - there’s no shame in studying in really short bursts! sometimes that’s all you can bring yourself to do and that’s okay! and if you can, i really recommend a 45/15 or 50/10 ratio (those are the ratios me and my friend - 2nd year med students - use the most :))

5. track your productivity

use the forest mobile app or a hand-drawn productivity tracker in your bujo - a visual representation of productivity will activate the reward system part of your brain. it’s the same part that’s involved in addiction formation and you can use it to your advantage - get a mini high from seeing your effort, not only from seeing your results!

6. set up a reward system

continuing on that tangent: sometimes, a short break isn’t enough motivation to stay focused. sometimes, you gotta pull a little sneaky on yourself and bribe your brain. some examples: - ‘if i can manage to reach 3 hours of productivity today, i’ll watch my fave movie in the evening’ - ‘i’ll have a bubble bath once i finish reading this chapter’ - ‘if i complete this assignment by the end of the week, i can do absolutely nothing the whole day come Saturday’

7. consider different sources/modes of studying

switching things up can do wonders; try making flashcards on quizlet, watching youtube videos on the topics you’ll be tested on, you can read wikipedia articles (wikipedia is severely underrated!), browse for podcasts on the topic, there’s a million different ways to learn, not just sitting down and reading from your textbook for hours on end :) on a similar note, if you have the option, try studying elsewhere - go to the kitchen table or study on the floor - beware of the bed and sofa! not a good idea, you’ll most likely end up taking a nap.

8. take care of your body and your mental health

have you drunk enough water today? have you eaten enough vitamin-rich foods? make a healthy snack! or get your fave comfort food, that works too, extra serotonin :) have you been outside in the past 3 days? if not, i highly recommend a short walk outside (if your corona regulations allow it, ofc). i know getting out of your house is hard, i suck at it myself, but getting fresh air and direct sunlight is crucial for your wellbeing! think of yourself as a slightly more complicated house plant:) you gotta nourish to flourish!

9. stop for a second and think how you value your work.

i’m sure you’ve done more than you give yourself credit for. it may seem too little, a drop in the sea of assignments you’ve yet to hand in, but every single minute of effort counts! every little task you do brings you closer to your goal! replied to a school email? good for you, you’ve got your correspondence covered and your professor knows you’re working hard. took 3 minutes to clear your study space? wonderful, a fresh setup = a fresh mindset! got more than 6 hours of sleep? yay, your brain had time to recuperate from a day’s worth of activities!

10. and again, you are not alone in this!

i promise there are at least 50 other people feeling exactly the same as you at any given moment. we all struggle with the same things, in one way or another, and motivating each other always helps. whether it be aggressive pep talks or gentle words of encouragement, studyblrs always have each other’s backs and you can message practically anyone in this community if you’re in need of support :) our job is to hype each other up and watch as we reach our respective goals <3

take care and good luck with your studies!

some additional posts you may find helpful: ◦ a wonderful ‘how to get stuff done’ guide ◦ energy management ◦ focus & productivity tips ◦ a very straight to the point guide to starting a successful study sesh ◦ how to handle having too much to do 

my other masterposts: study sounds⎪dealing with failure⎪chrome extensions for students