#like I suck at marketing myself anyway

[inkdoe]

Ah that one time last summer where I randomly decided to make kotor stickers

[elytrafemme]

How do i even fucking answer that. Genuinely. Do i even answer that. I dont really think ic are that much anymore

[rosesradio]

🧍

[jovalencia]

not to be dramatic but I literally feel like I’m going insane lol

[concoulor]

getting into arguments about the transphobe game on instagram…

[cavegirlpoems]

You know another thing that fucking sucks? I actually really enjoy RPGs that basically boil down to 'you're in a hostile unknown environment with lots of weird shit, dangers and potential rewards, go explore and try not to die'. Like survival-horror-ttrpgs, right? And, in theory, this is what D&D is meant to do. Hell, in the early editions - from the original little white books to probably early AD&D 1e - it's actually pretty tightly designed around doing that (with occasional interludes into flabbergasting racism, that we all quietly excise). The problem is that because D&D is marketed as, like, the everything-ttrpg that lets you tell big dramatic stories and have character arcs, the D&D-o-sphere thinks it's too good for that style of play. Like "here's a spooky hole full of traps, try not to die" is somehow looked down on as being unsophisticated reactionary dreck for grognards. And "here's a spooky hole, try not to die" is the only thing D&D is any fucking good at! You want big character drama and an epic narrative and emotional beats? You're on your fucking own, sunshine, D&D won't help you with that. But if you want to get killed in a cave by a spike trap or eyeball monster? D&D's great at that, it loves things that try to kill you. (This is, I think, a distinction between type-1 and type-2 D&D). (D&D 5e is also noticably worse at being D&D-as-survival-horror than earlier editions - except spiders 4e who is a statistical outlier adn should not have been counted - because in their effort to market it as an everything-game, they stripped out a lot of the stuff that actually cared about creating that experience, because some people don't like dying in holes what with taste being subjective and god forbid they play something else instead) And it kinda sucks because in theory if I want to go play a survival horror rpg where I go into a hole/ruin/alien spaceship/haunted house/heist/evil gameshow and try not to die, despite the fact that this is in theory how you're meant to play D&D, in practice that's not how it's gonna go down because 75% of the player base is ignoring the type of game D&D is actually written to be and desperately trying to beat it into the vague shape of a narrative game. Anyway this is why I like OSR stuff, it's like if D&D dropped the facade and stopped pretending to be stuff it's not. (I should note, to avoid pissing on the poor, that I play a whole bunch of stuff, from VtM to a bunch of PbtA hacks, to weird indie things, to larps, to shit I wrote myself. Die-in-a-cave-D&D is part of a healthy varied ttrpg diet)

[valeriehalla]

I don’t know what to do about the internet. It’s getting worse, and getting worse faster than I think any of us ever could have imagined even just six years ago. Tumblr shot itself in the heart at the behest of Apple, at the behest of whichever nameless evangelical finance perverts are in charge of credit card policy, whereupon people like me (artists and people who like art) fled in droves to Twitter, the present state of which I don’t have it in me to be funny about.

Even after that one-two punch, Twitter and Tumblr are still the only (major) social media platforms I can stand to use. I mean, they’re the last ones left where you can, for example, see posts that your friends have made. I might have said that that seemed like the whole point of social media; every digital elsewhere has now collectively agreed that it is, in fact, social media’s greatest flaw. Your friends like to hang out and post weird jokes and titty drawings — they don’t know the first thing about your favorite marketing trends, let alone your unslakable thirst for 30-second phone videos. We have to move on: I’ll die if I think about it.

Uh — I wanna let you in a little. Here’s where I’m at, okay? I’m working on this project. I like it a lot: it’s a writing thing and an art thing and a music thing all at the same time. I’m still struggling with art burnout, but every day I get to sit down and write or compose for this thing is an unending delight, so on the balance it’s been great to work on. It’s taken me a while to get here, though — I’ve blown past all my estimates about when it’d be done. Still, it won’t be much longer.

In the mean time, I keep having these compulsive worries. I feel that I should be posting, but the nature of a long-form project like this is that I don’t have anything to post. I tweet complete nothings now and then, as if to announce my presence, like a lighthouse pulsing in the distance. And every week the websites get worse. They’re bleeding out, and it feels like some of my blood’s in there, maybe. Like, maybe you’d call me naïve, but it wasn’t that long ago that I really, really liked all this online stuff. I never had the hustle culture mindset about it: by good luck alone I managed to make a living posting the stuff I wanted to post on the places I wanted to post it.

The places I liked to post don’t exist anymore. My experience of using the internet feels hostile, alien. The ground beneath all our feet feels eggshell-thin.

But I have to use the internet: it’s where my stuff goes. It’s where all of you are. Here is where art and artists and art-likers live.

The things I love live here, in precarity, as the saw blades and lava traps of our digital dungeon grow every day more numerous.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that the web sucks now, but as long as we’re here — and we will be here — I want to try loving it again anyway. I want to untangle myself from all this disappointment and expectation and try simply “vibing” again. I wanna use cohost more: I’ll even crosspost stuff to Tumblr like I keep saying I should. I’m making a cool thing and I should show it off! I should relearn how to draw a little doodle and post it without feeling like it’s a suboptimal use of my time or whatever!! I want to believe in what joy may find us, though our world be a dumpster.

[beatrixst0nehill]

"Trying to stay healthy and positive although I'm a part of this dumb clinical trial. This sucks! I was all set to be the track and field star of my University, a bright career as an athlete, maybe I'd even go to the Olympics? Instead I get this email a few months ago stating that I've been selected to attend a clinical trial for a new breast growth drug. Like, there are a bajillion of these things on the market, why do they still bother with trials? It's ridiculous. I know, I know, horny wealthy men with an excuse to make pretty young college girls so big breasted it qualifies as a legal disability. Whatever.

Soooo as you might remember I had a perfect, flat chest, ideal for being a runner and now look at this. Look at these fat, sweaty udders of mine. They already started lactating. It's so hard to keep up with. Now I don't just run to the bathroom to pee or whatever, I run into the girls' room to remove my top and milk myself into the sink like a fucking cow. I stand there for minutes, the humiliation is excruciating. Other women come in and joke that that's what I get for sleeping around and getting knocked up over and over. I don't bother correcting them. I just agree, milking my breasts until they ache.

I'm apparently part of this trial for three years. I keep asking them how much growth I can expect by then and they just shrug, telling me if they knew they wouldn't need to do the trial. I looked up videos and joined a bunch of groups created by women who've gone through this. The short answer is I can basically expect my boobs to get so big I can barely walk, if at all. A common side effect, especially for really active girls who don't just cave and give into immobility, is for our spines to snap from the sheer weight of the breasts, leaving girls not just debilitatingly huge breasted, but paralyzed from the waist or shoulders down. Some of the girls act like it's this amazing goal to be jealous of, creating threads like, 'Guys it finally happened! After three straight weeks of intense exercise with my tits over 100lbs a piece, my neck finally gave out!' And it's them in the hospital, smiling and giddy, being hooked up to ocular software to post on social media.

I feel kind of insane for feeling the way I do. Almost all the girls love getting these massive, unwieldy breasts. I posted a thread talking about my future career and how I didn't want huge boobs and every post was just other girls (who're either immobilized by the sheer weight and size of their breasts or immobilized by paralysis) tell me to relax, not to worry, that I'm extremely lucky to be picked and I'll learn to love my new breasts, especially once they get to be over 50lbs each and I start having trouble doing basic things. A lot of girls told me I should remember that I'm just a womb with a pair of tits there for male enjoyment, and the bigger the more men love them. I can still fulfill my purpose and push out dozens of kids even if I'm paralyzed.

I guess I need to just give in and accept what I'm going to become. I'll still stay active, exercise and try to remain mobile as long as I can. But I guess it couldn't hurt to enjoy these things. Men already stare at them constantly and try to touch them. Maybe I should just let them grope me? Even though my clothes will be totally see-through from getting sprayed with milk. That's not such a bad thing, is it? It would be kind of hot, riding some guy's cock, seeing these fat, ridiculous-looking udders bounce and jiggle..... Perhaps I should even get pregnant? That would help my boobs grow faster and put more strain on my back faster..... Plus, all the other girls in the trial are pregnant so I feel a bit left out.

Oh well.... I tried to be an athlete and a role model to young girls that they can be more than the tidal wave of dumb bimbos and breeder hucows we see today...... But maybe I'm the perfect role model, though? That you should probably give up and embrace being a hucow anyway, it's futile to try and deny your body's destiny. Girls are meant to be dumb breeders with huge tits. It does make me horny, thinking about being completely stuck, unable to move cause my breasts each weigh 200lbs. I can only sit in whatever pen I'm being kept in at a government-run girl ranch. I sit there rubbing my big pregnant belly, playing with my sex, thinking back to when I used to be an athlete, running, winning awards, now I'm just cattle hooked up to milking machines, completely hopeless. Nothing but an object to be fucked, to make milk, and push out as many kids as possible until I wear out my usefulness. I can't wait until that's me, maybe my spine will even snap? Then I'll be truly helpless, I won't even feel my body go into labor or get fucked. I'll just watch myself be acted on, and all I'll be able to do is smile and offer lots of encouragement..... Kind of sounds like a dream come true. Once I'm done working out, nice and sweaty, I think I might 'accidentally' stumble into the men's locker room and see if these toxic gym bros can show me what my body is really for. ❤️"

[topazadine]

Mistakes I Made When Self-Pubbing My First Book (Part 1: Mindset Edition)

Hello. Today, we are all going to dunk on me for my meteoric mistakes when self-publishing 9 Years Yearning so that you can do the opposite of these things.

This is going to be cut up into multiple posts because I just made so. many. mistakes. that I'm rectifying with my second book. Even Part 1 is extraordinarily long because damn am I a yapper, so keep an eye out for the equally long next parts.

And maybe console me by buying my book. (I promise it's not bad! My marketing strategy is!)

It's important to be transparent about this process. So many indie authors don't want to talk about their failures because it's uncomfy, and I get it. Yeah, it does suck to admit that you have failed and then expose your failures to other people. No one wants to feel bad about their efforts, especially something so personal like writing. Still, I think it can help anyway.

Can I give you actionable advice? No. I can't. I cannot give you a secret code to marketing success because I don't even know it.

BUT. I can tell you what I did wrong so you can figure out what to do right. (Then maybe tell me about it pls.)

Thinking being a good writer = book success

I am a good writer. Not the best writer on the entire planet, but more competent than your average squadron of monkeys armed with obsolete machinery. I could take at least 1,000 non-human primates in a writing fight - I'm sure of it.

However, this does not translate to immediate, life-changing results when self-publishing and marketing.

See, the unfortunate thing is that people actually have to know that your book exists, and they have to be tempted into purchasing it before they can see your remarkable writing skills.

This means that you need to have a good cover, an intriguing blurb and ... worst of all ... a marketing strategy.

Awful. But true.

Book writing and book marketing are two completely different skills. One of them is fun! And one of them makes me want to throw myself into a lake! But alas, if I want to enjoy some sort of compensation for the Fun Part, I have to do the Bad Part.

Being mad that I didn't get insta-results

I assumed that I would get my money back from my initial investment pretty quickly. After all, I wrote a very nice book. But I still have not broken even on 9 Years Yearning, and I will likely not do so until the third part of the Eirenic Verses series hits.

Actually, I may never break even at all. And I'm not even performing that poorly for a self-published author as of now.

The average self-published, digital-only book (like mine) sells only 250 copies during its entire lifetime, which can be literal decades. 250!! That's abysmal. Many self-published books sell ZERO copies. Ever.

That makes me feel a little better about saying that from June to October 2024, my first book has sold only 32 copies. That's about 12% of the expected lifetime sales in four months.

But 32 books is not, by any means, a best seller.

Though I will tell you a secret: some authors who make best seller lists actually buy their own books to artificially boost the numbers. Donald Trump did that actually! There are entire book laundering firms, like ResultSource, that are pay to play. And the NYT best seller list is heavily biased toward people with internal connections. So you can't even trust those best seller lists very much, and you shouldn't feel bad if you're only getting a handful of sales.

Regardless of whether other people lie their way to the top, the cold hard truth is that if I want to repay myself for my efforts on 9 Years Yearning, I need to sell about 1,500 copies (plus, oh, 20 extra for taxation).

That's a pretty scary number. 1,500 people have to like my book?! I don't even know that many people!

It's okay, though. My next book, Pride Before a Fall, will have a faster return on investment because it's priced a little higher at $2.99. So, for the second book, I only need to sell about 180 copies to break even. That is also because I didn't make as many dumb money mistakes, which I'll discuss in a later installment.

Very few self-published books gain instant attention and fame; many self-pubbed authors give up on advertising themselves at all because they didn't get a lot of success at first. But I'm not going to be deterred now that I realize I have to put the marketing work in.

It's up to you whether you're willing to keep grinding if you don't get immediate results.

Being lazy about learning marketing

I am still struggling with this, to be honest.

Look, I don't like marketing. The time I spend learning about marketing could be spent on something that does not make me want to tear my eyes out of their sockets. I could go rock climbing! I could watch a video on caving deaths! I could pet my dog!

So I've set a goal for myself that I just have to do one thing related to marketing a week. That could be creating visuals, reading other peoples' experiences, watching videos on it, taking courses, and so on.

It is not a lot of time spent per week, yes; perhaps about two hours. But it's about all I can stomach because it's just so boring and confusing to me.

After my first bitter disappointment, I have learned that it's okay to take a longer, more methodical approach, especially because The Eirenic Verses is a ten-part series. If I stay consistent, it will inevitably start to gain traction over time.

Ignoring the marketing potential in my friend group

I didn't really talk about my book with anyone but my family before publishing it. Didn't tell my friends, didn't post much about it on social media.

Instead, I dropped it like a dead squirrel on Facebook's feet a few days after it actually released. Thank god I didn't do the horrible Millennial "so ... I did a thing" bullshit, but I was almost too blithe about it.

I just don't want to feel like I'm bragging or making people feel obligated to purchase a copy. Which is kind of dumb of me, because people I know IRL have been super enthusiastic! I'm not even joking.

One of my newest friends purchased a copy directly in front of me and told their friends about it, so I got multiple sales just by mentioning it once. Old friends I've barely talked to in years reached out to tell me how much they loved my book and that they're so excited for me.

I learned that as long as I am not insufferable about it, most people are excited to hear that they are friends with a ~published author~. I've spent so long being immersed in Writing World that I kind of forget that to non-writers, publishing (even self-pub) is a big deal.

So I am learning to be more comfortable with talking about being an author as long as I don't act like I'm super special for clicking some keys.

Not celebrating my successes

This seems like a strange problem to have, but I can't be the only one who just kinda goes "meh" about their own achievements. Whether that's from poor self-esteem or Daddy Issues, idk, but I didn't really do anything when I released 9 Years Yearning. Didn't even get myself a cake.

I think this rubbed off on the people around me; after all, humans tend to follow one another's lead. Since I didn't treat it like a big deal at first, no one else did either. And this, of course, led to zero marketing juice because if even the author herself isn't pumped about the book, it must suck, right?

It doesn't suck. Again, I just suck at marketing myself.

So I'm forcing myself to be more enthusiastic about my next book, and to tell more people about it. I'm even getting a Bannain tattoo to celebrate the release.

Look at this stupid little idiot! I'm going to have him inked on me forever and ever <3

Given that I've gotten some decent pre-orders already (again, because I actually tried to fucking market this time), I think this more enthusiastic approach is going to serve me well.

The Thing I Did Right: Viewing my fiction writing as a money sink

Alright, so the one thing I have done correctly, which is that I did not make the fatal error of quitting my day job. I knew that my fiction writing was not going to be paying the bills any time soon. Instead, I view my job as a way to fund my Blorbo Factory.

It's not fatalistic to recognize that the odds are stacked against you as a self-pubbed author. It's realistic. You can either be delusionally confident that you will succeed, or you can be desperately demotivated and never bother.

Or you can be in the middle, see the risks, and decide that there is a deeper motivation than just making money that powers you.

Releasing the pressure of success actually makes it easier to succeed. If you are not hinging all your financial hopes and dreams on your books, then you don't see it as a loss to buy a nice book cover, pay for a good beta reader, and so on. You see it as an investment in your happiness and self-fulfillment, just like you spend money to go to the gym or buy a yourself an ice cream.

And, most importantly, you won't spend more money than you can afford to lose.

So many authors go into massive amounts of debt to fund their books and then are horrified to find that they make nothing back. A lot fall for vanity press scams and spend thousands only to have to do the same damn things I have to do as a self-pubbed author. And sometimes they never even see their book in print at all.

This could have been avoided if they had recognized that, just like when going to the casino, you shouldn't put yourself into debt in hopes of a big payday.

Anyway, now that I've told you about my marketing failures so you can avoid them, maybe you'll consider buying my book, 9 Years Yearning, which is very good despite my terrible marketing skills. It's got horses and cute boys!

And when you're done with that (it only takes about 2 hours to read, btw), be sure to pre-order the next book, Pride Before a Fall, which is arriving January 1, 2025!

Oh, and please don't forget to leave a review. Very important stuff.

I've been dodging calls from Amazon HQ who warn me that if I don't get more reviews, they'll place my children in a mushroomifier, whatever that means.

Oh ... oh no ....

[beesmygod]

one webcomics trend I've noticed for a bit is comics where the creator casts a wide net and publishes to as many sites as possible, so like there's a tumblr mirror, a webtoons mirror, a tapas mirror, a twitter mirror, I've even seen one that has a tiktok mirror (god). Some of these even have the decency to actually have their own website

the idea was to cast the widest possible net in order to get the maximum audience possible, as this was the excuse for people using webtoons despite it sucking raw hot dogs but i dont understand how on earth this strategy could ever work lol

full lol i love to hear myself talk damn. fucking. subnormality webcomic behavior

anyway to highlight the uselessness of google analytics, these are my analytics arranged on "looker studio", a google product i guess they forgot about, in order to make sense of the useless shit they're showing me. you can see this enormous traffic spike from a traffic bot farm advertising their services by ruining your metrics. you can no longer filter these urls from your data.

full image

here's my google adsense conspiracy theory from me shedding light on why i think (STRONG EMPHASIS ON "THINK". IM HYPOTHESIZING) with commentary from someone who knows way more about the subject than my armchair observations.

my marketing strategy is to talk bullshit with people with similar interests while letting people know when my comic updates twice a week. if they want to read it, they can. they're not stupid, they don't need to be forced into reading it if they want to. i assume most of my readers are as broke as i am so i don't hound them to give me money they don't have. i'll never run ads again unless its like. for a friend's thing. hand-cultivated by me. im not looking for a wide audience, i'm looking for an audience of people who "get it" and can see an inherent value in what i create. if they have some spare cash, i make my barrier to entry on my patreon extremely low; 1 dollar a month and you can see things early and go through a backlog of author commentary and design stuff and rewards im sooo behind on im so sorry. im so sick i promise, im coming back!!! anyway i just want real human people to have a chance to see things and enjoy things without making it a fucking hassle, you know.

the most organic, actual traffic i got from my site is from a friend's webcomic that links to mine. 11 people read a lot of pages! that's genuinely making my head spin! that's great! i hope they liked it and will check in again. i love the comic they came from so they are clearly ppl of taste lol.

oh uh. and heres my comic lol. for any cantankerous gay old losers out there.

[valscodblog]

ℙ𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕆𝕃𝔸 -Part two

Warnings: Mentions of death (obvi-it's call of duty y'all.), in-depth past explanation, OC being forced to take up a role she never wanted, very very very VERY slight mentions of sexual themes (like-one or two sentences), trust issues at it's finest, and that's around it.

Alejandro Vargas x OC

Credits to OC: ME MYSELF AND IIIIIII~~ (Uhm-anyways-)

[{TAGS! <3 : @seconds-over-first @thebunnednun @writing-with-moss }]

Alejandro felt like he had been shot through the heart. "I-What have I ever done to you, to make you reluctant to trust me, Linda?" Maria shook her head, "It's-It's not you, Alejandro...it's just-personal." Alejandro nodded. "I understand. Yo Entiendo." Maria gave him a soft smile-she smiled!-and then walked away. Alejandro nearly died right then. Rodolfo smirked at put a hand on Alejandro's shoulder. " Su maldito desesperado, coronel," Rudy joked, and his higher-up sighed. "Yo se, Rudy...Pero...." "Pero Nada, Amigo. You love her. That's it." "Not so loud, Pendejo!" "We're mexican! We're loud!" "Parra!" "Okay, okay! Don't kill me, Alejandro!" "Mhhh, i should...I really should. But-alas, I can't."

"Say-Pistola, why do they call ye tha', aye?" "Because." "It means Poistol, doon'it?" Soap asked, "So that means-ye must be handy wit one!" Maria groaned and rubbed her face. "If i say yes, will you shut up?" "Nay, prolly not, bonnie." "Don't call me bonnie-" "Bonnie, bon-bon, bonnibell, bonnie-boo," Soap teased, and Maria looked over to Alejandro and mouthed, "Im going to kill you, Pendejo." He just laughed. Maria looked back over to Ghost and Soap-who were...flirting? Talking? How could you tell, honestly? "...Are you two...Novios?" "Huh?" Ghost said, quirking a brow up, "I asked if you two are dating, Fantasma." Ghost shook his head. "No-why would we be?" He snorted, and Soap laughed. "Okay...Although, I hope you two know, that I will be teasing you now." "Aboot...?" "Dating. Because y'all act like a married couple."

"Hey-quick question-why'd'ye sound like yer from Texas or sum?" Ghost asked, and Maria gave him a deadpan stare. "...The border? I live on the fuckin' Boarder?" Maria said, quirking a brow of her own up. Ghost then put his brow back down and then raised both of them this time, "Ah..." what was he supposed to say after a lady just told you that and clearly wasn't liking you? "So-You grew up knowing how to fight, Alejandro says." "Yeah. I did..." Ghost sighed.

"Well-" "If your trying to flirt with me, i suggest you learn a few new pick up lines other than whatever the fuck your on, Ghost." Simon blinked. "Love, i assure you, I'm not takin' a shinin' t'ya." "Good. Because I'm not on the market." "Oh?" Well, she's interesting...Simon sorta was starting to like her. "So..." "So?" "...What's anotha way to say "I came inside of a woman," Pistola?" "...What?" "Loadin' tha dishwasha." And Pistola nearly laughed, but she caught herself and just choose to quirk a brow up and shut her eyes. "Funny." and Ghost smiled behind his mask-but not a nice one, oh no. An annoyed one.

"Hmm, your not laughin' though?" "Yeah-lost my ability to year ago." "Ooh...damn, thats gotta suck f'ya, Lovie." "Oh yeah, it does."

And Alejandro looked over to Maria and frowned. "Here we go..." he muttered to Rudy. Rudy shook his head before saying, "She's not a litle kid, Amigo. She can flirt if she wants-" "Not with that gringo!" "Alejandro!" "....Mhhhph, I just don't like how she won't even look at me half the time i talk to her-but this, this guy! He just shows up and it's all 'Ohh let me stare at him-let me make eye contact!' Like, Pendeja! Por favor, why do you treat him like an old friend, huh?"

and Rudy leaned into Alejandro, arm on shoulder, and said, "Jelous, Ale?" "No-why?" "...Pinche mentiroso..." "No soy!" "Si tu eres! You ranting like-" "Dont." "Si, senor..." Alejandro went back to looking at Maria, whom was still talking to ghost and Soap. He hummed again before saying, "Alright, maybe i am...just a little. Un Puco." Rudy grinned. "First step's admitting it, Alejandro." "Yo se..."

"Right-so...what do I say, Alejandro?" Maria mumbled, more to herself than anything, really. BUt the man caught it and said, "You introduce yourself, tell them your New rank, Maria, and tell them you'll be leading this squad. Okay, mi amor?" "Not your love." And Alejandro sighed softly. "You know how i mean it, Maria...right?" "Claro que si. I just-don't. Just don't, okay?" "Claro, Maria." "Grasias, Ale-" "Maria! Here you are, thought we lost ya!" "Juan Price." "Erm-it's John." "Oh, so sorry, I'm Mexican, Sir." "It's fine, it's fine." "John Price! Ey, one capitan, to another, this is the easy part." "True..."

Alejandro quirked a brow up. "You two, know each other?" "We've met, yes. Back in, what was it?" "Ahh, good ol' Brittan-the country side, right?" "Indeed," Price agreed, smiling. "By the way! How's it coming along for you?" Maria asked, Price sighed and shook his head. "Hassan's still causing problems, so what does that tell you?" "Horrid." "Worse than." "Oof, i feel for you, John." "So, when-"

"Maria, it's time," Alejandro said into her ear and she said, "Fine fine...Sorry John we'll have to catch up later. I have to meet new squad." "Steaming Jesus-right before a mission?" "It's my family curse-we're alwasy last minuet and the people around us are affected too." "Well-i'll let you go before i get affected, huh?" "Hmph, yeah, see you, Price." and Maria walked away. Alejandro stayed behind and said, "That scoff? That's her laugh...consider yourself a trusted allay to Los Vaqueros now, Price." and he clapped John on the shoulder, shook it, and then let go and jogged to catch up to Maria.

Rodolfo was there, already telling the squad a new Captain was to command them and the rest of Maria's new squad just tensed. A new Captain? Oh, Jesus, that was never good...the last one was dead, sure, but this new one? They would have to learn how to read and how to act around this new person.

Or so they thought. It was just Maria.

"Oh! The Corp finally moved up, huh?" Private Diaz asked, and Maria sighed, "Here we go..."

"WHy now, out of all times?"

"HOW DID SHE GET TO MAKE THAT BIG OF A MOVE?"

"Wow...she really just left us in the dust, sucking off Alejandro must help a fair ton."

"For real. Prolly added in a few extra rounds to ensure her new place too."

Alejandro quirked a brow up and was about to say something when Maria shouted, "IF YOU LOVE YOUR MOM'S, SHUT IT!" and everyone shut up-minus one rookie who thought she was joking around.

BANG!

"Any? Body? Else?" Maria asked, her single hand still holding her pistol sideways. The person who spoke had been shot in the leg. "No? Good...now, rule one, i ever hear you talking behind my back again, you'll end up worse than that boy there, okay? Bueno. Dos, listen to rule one." Everyone nodded.

"Maria-that wasn't legal." "And what are you going to say, huh? Nada because if you report me, you'll be asked why you didn't step in." and Rudy shut up. "Damn-she's better than I thought at this," Alejandro said, smiling proudly.

"Well...let's get this mission over with and the lines drawn, yeah?" Maria muttered, Alejandro nodded...but as he started to explain, Maria started to zone out, she didn't feel safe, and this is how she dealt with that feeling.

"Ma? ...Mama? M-...MAMA?" Maria shouted, running into her mother's room as she heard what sounded like fighting. "Mami-mami!" her little brother screamed-in pain. "Eres igual que tu papá, chico..."

"MAMA-ALTO! Whatever he did-"

"No hablo ingles a Me, nina..."

Maria just stared at her mother-not hearing anything but the high pitched ringing in her ears. She had to run-hide. After she was done with her brother-she was next. and in for worse. Maria did run-into the room. She grabbed her four year old brother and then, as fast as her legs could carry the both of them, she ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs. She ran to the front door, and tried to open it-locked. She unlocked it but her brother wouldn't stop fighting her movements. "You'll just make it worse, Hermana! Stop-please!" "Shhh, dont speak English, Nino! Why do you think your being beat!?" and her brother shut up and chose just to sob into her shoulder. "Poor thing...if only Dad-"

"Tu padre ya no está aquí, no estará por mucho tiempo… Ya tendré tiempo…Es hora de pensar en una mentira… Es hora de hacer que parezca un accidente..."

No-Nononono-She heard the trigger of a gun and then she heard the recoil. It didn't hit her, however. "...Alex?" "Ma...Ri...A..." was his last word and Maria snapped. Thirteen, and she snapped. She dropped her little brother and charged at the drunken woman. Her mother was skinny-she wasn't. She had been working out for the last three years in secret. She threw a punch to her mother and her mom took it harshly. She toppled over, dropping the gun. It would've been funny to Maria if she wasn't so far gone in the moment. Maria then picked up the gun and said, "I'll talk how i want-and just so you know, Dad will know...and then he'll see to it that you get what you deserve..."

"Live, Pendeja...Live knowing I only let you becuase your husband and the god you so claim to love will punish you. They'll punish you so harshly-so badly...that you wish that i killed you-that one day, when we meet again, you will Beg Me to kill you...understand me? And know, that I no longer am a fucking Rodriguez, but instead, a Sanchez-como me Papa!" Maria said, sounding ever so calmly. She then laid the gun down on her mother's chest, and left the house.

She never went back. She found her uncle, and asked to stay with him instead, and her uncle, the evil bastard said yes. So she lived with him and was trained by him for War.

"Maria-MARIA SANCHEZ! Are you listening to a word that Alejandro just said to you?" Maria blinked and muttered, "Que?" Rodolfo sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Alejandro-get your damn girlfriend." Alejandro, who had been talking to one of the rookies, looked over and said, "No eres mi novia, Rudy...solo una amiga importante." And Maria groaned, "Shut it, Alejandro."

Maria walked away and muttered, "I have to stop zoning out..." Alejandro jogged after her-again. "Alejandro-" "I know what your going to say, so just don't! Instead, Escuchame!" Maria nodded, but kept walking. "So...Maria...do you, uhhm..Wanna go get something to eat after this?" Maria stopped dead. "You asking me out, Alejandro?" Alejandro sighed, "Not like-romanticly or anything! Just-you know, a couple of friends going out to eat." Maria laughed softly and said, "You know, I don't trust that...just us two-and i've never seen you outside of work...i don't know you-and you don't know me, Ale."

"I know-pero-i wanna take you out, okay? Tu eres muy linda, bonita, ermosa, and not to seem like im kissing your ass or anything but-" "Vargas. Your already kissing my ass." "Oh, shhh! Let a man talk to you for once, Maria!" Maria laughed again before nodding. "Sure, Vargas. Talk." "Grasias! Dios mio...okay, where was I?" "Oh so this was rehersed?" "In the mirror to myself." "Alejandro Vargas!" "What? Im telling you the truth!"

"Oh my god, fine! I'll go out with you-but no where cheap! Make an impression if you want this chica to stay around. Dont ask or tell me where, just take me. Okay?" and she winked.

Alejandro felt like he had been shot through the heart again-but this time...by cupid's bow.

[rimouskis]

hey! I got a new job! that's crazy! I actually kept a huge spreadsheet to track my job search, from my layoff last year through three different job offers. obvs I'm not gonna share the spreadsheet itself but I wanna share some numberrrrrrsssss

over the course of 11 months, I applied to 142 jobs [not including any "easy apply" options on linkedin, which would easily add another 80 or so jobs to this list. if any of those easy apply applications led to an interview, they were added to my spreadsheet].

of those 142, I heard back from 25. I was simply rejected from 58, and never heard from 59.

of the jobs I interviewed for, I was rejected after the first round 12 times and rejected after the second round three times.

I made it to the third round of interviews three times, and all three times I was offered the job.

I removed myself from contention for three roles that were interested in me. I rescinded my candidacy for various reasons like compensation, wanting to be an actual employee instead of a contractor, stuff like that.

I also want to say that many times I interviewed and then was still ghosted, lol. it's so gross to me that companies don't have the wherewithal to communicate with people after speaking with them, especially face-to-face.

some anecdotes:

despite these numbers looking atrocious (and trust me, they FELT atrocious), I had pretty good luck. I secured my first job offer 2 months after starting my job search.

there was a MUCH heavier gap between the first job offer and the second (closer to five months). the reasons for that were: I had started my new job and didn't apply anywhere for a whole month, and also that job destroyed my mental health so badly that I genuinely cannot speak of it lol.

THAT BEING SAID, because the second job offer had a very long interview period, there were only three months between me starting my new job (first job offer) and me sending in my application that led to the second job offer. so, frankly, given that the job almost destroyed my life, I think three months is a pretty good turnaround.

I had a VERY good rate of return between the second job offer and the third. I applied to only 42 jobs and secured interviews for a whopping ~25% of them. maybe I'd finally Gotten Good at applying for jobs after applying to roughly two a day for half a year lol.

that being said, I'd also slowed down a lot in my application grind. I was very demoralized and also felt a lot of complicated feelings around turning down the second job offer. I had very good reasons for it, but it was still an incredibly hard decision and it threw me off my game for a while. I'd also become choosier in what I applied for.

finally, 100ish days after being offered that second job, I was offered the third—and final, for this saga—job. My Long Nightmare Was Over.

so: why share this? firstly, I'm proud of my recordkeeping and wanted to share it, haha. secondly, I know everyone is complaining about the job market, but in case anyone else is in the trenches right now: I just want to tell you that I see you, I feel you, and this has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

applying to jobs was like pulling teeth for me. job SEARCHING, itself, causes (for some reason) an emotional reaction in me so strong that you'd think the process was lab-designed to cause me stress and extreme self-doubt.

I've gotten a lot better at it in the last year, though, and my tolerance and stamina for it is much better. but christ alive, it was an emotionally-taxing grind.

job searching sucks. in several industries, the job market is a total blood bath right now. if you need to talk about it, I'm always happy to lend an understanding ear.

anyways. yay numbers. hopefully I don't have to do that again for a VERY long time.

[delumineight]

romione in terms of “spice”

this is going to be a lot less nsfw than you think it is

unfortunately anyone who has tiktok knows that there’s this thing called “booktok” which had led to horrible things in literature like trope marketing, glorification of domestic violence and abuse, and other things. one thing to note is that a lot of these (mostly) women on booktok are looking for one thing in particular when they read a book; romance. or at least that’s what they call it. i feel as if anyone who has romantic experience finds it anything but that, but either way. when it comes down to it they think good romance = good smut. and good smut actually means bdsm.

tldr: people don’t like romione, or romione smut because ron isn’t dominant.

i was unfortunate enough to come across a tiktok—posted by a dramione, of course—where it’s a filter and it does the characters and it gives a trope, an ending, “spice levels” and other meaningless things meant to interest people. the results of said person’s filter are below.

the characters were obviously ron and hermione but it uses rupert and emma’s faces and i don’t like to consider them at all, especially when talking about something nsfw so just pretend it’s there!

anyways yeah sure whatever. i open the comments. the first one is below.

which this is just a bit confusing even when it comes to surface level canon… didn’t he spend a great part of the sixth book sucking face with a girl he didn’t even like? consider how much more has to be happening between him and someone he’s actually in love with.

the second concern is the line “we all know ron[‘s] personality.”

ron’s personality is not dominant. romione’s and dramione’s alike actually agree on that one thing, for the most part! but why exactly should ron’s personality and ron’s personality only define how “spicy” they can get in the bedroom?

like i said in the first paragraph, they see “spice” or good sex as bdsm. and as we’ve established most romiones don’t see or write ron as a traditional “dom” in anyway. if anything, more of us think hermione is the dom and there’s dramiones/romione antis who have agreed with this… but still don’t think they’re “spicy.”

if there’s still an s/m aspect to it… why is it not “spicy” anymore? it’s quite obvious to anyone (or at least i think so). they don’t find it hot because the man’s not in charge. because the woman isn’t be controlled, but instead doing the controlling.

and i know there are plenty of fics of dramione or any ship but romione out there of a mistress/sub man but in most m/f relationships the dom man/sub woman is a lot more popular, no matter the characters personality. i’ve seen it happen with romione where the writer would rather have a woman be out of character to be dominated than have hermione dominate, or even just tone down ron’s dominance to make it in character again.

i myself do admit that i have written some things where hermione’s a bit submissive but i try to never make ron dominant because he just isn’t.

[whoiwanttoday]

When I was younger I used to have to actually call in to work but the advent of voicemail in the office made my life a lot easier. I would wait until about 4 or 5 AM, call when I knew there would be no one to answer, put on my weakest voice and try to sound sick to make sure that no one could question that I was too unwell to come in to work. About 90% of the time I called in it was because of my depression, which early on was undiagnosed, then diagnosed and poorly managed, but I would fluctuate between being unable to sleep for days or being unable to do anything other than sleep. Either way, it gave me great anxiety that I would be caught because in those days you couldn't actually call in for depression, it wasn't a real illness, not like a cold, so I had to be vague while sounding like maybe I had a cold. Once we could start emailing in, a thing that existed but no one thought to do until we were able to easily access work email from home, it became that much easier. I still had the fear that they would think maybe I was out partying all night and just getting home and faking it but I didn't have very many other options so the emails still came in at 5 AM. It was one of life's many stupid ironies that I was in bed wanting to die and convinced no one thought of me but if they did they thought I was a pathetic loser but also they might think I was a lying party animal loser who was out living things up and skipping work because my life was too awesome.

Anyway, that's a long way of mentioning I am playing hooky today but my life is so much more privileged than it once was because I have been struggling with a pretty rough depressive episode for two weeks now and at the start of this week decided I couldn't do it anymore but if i gave myself a shred of hope maybe I could. So I am technically on vacation today, a thing younger me didn't get, actual leave for vacation, or really the ability to ask for, time off a few days in advance. My head being a mess still fucking sucks, it's not cheery to start singing in the shower and realize you've changed all the lyrics to be about wanting to die, though it is technically sort of funny, like the least marketable Weird Al anyone can imagine, but it's amazing how much easier it is if you have things like money and actual benefits. All of this is a long way of saying I have 10:30 AM tickets to see Longlegs, a thing I was supposed to see last week on Thursday but when the time came I canceled my tickets and took a credit because I was curled up in bed and could not make myself get out of it no matter how hard I tried. So I am posting Maika Monroe because she has long been dear to my horror addled heart due to the fact that she starred in what is one of my all time favorite horror movies, It Follows. She was also in the Guest which is frankly, pretty top notch as well but not on the all time greats list. I realize I am putting the cart before the horse a little bit here, given I haven't seen Longlegs yet but I both have faith and also the horse can absolutely go fuck himself. I am sick of worrying about the horse, who has, I might point out, done fuck and all for me. I haven't even used glue since like 3rd grade so the horse can just fucking rot for all I care. Anyway, when I first posted Maika Monroe she was still mainly coming up in tags on tumblr as a Surfer, which is kind of wild because I don't think that's how anyone thinks of her now. Either way, I enjoy her work, I think today will be good, today I want to fuck Maika Monroe.

[reilliane]

This is my personal obligatory post and apology for my poofing disappearance- if you're not up to read things like these, then feel free to scroll past! Have a good day/night!

—

the poofing, the poofed, and the un-poofing.

TLDR; Bad stuff happened for the entire past year, stopped college just a few months ago to learn the materials myself and market myself in the graphic design industry soon, and got a whole dose of religious epiphany that threw my life around. Wrote in a different account a few months ago to ease and destress without much expectation. Will continue to write albeit there won’t be many updates, had/have to drop original writing plans [right now focusing on a short story for Wanderer, though it doesn’t mean I won’t be able to write for others when I get the time]. May unfortunately discontinue ongoing AUs but will provide a summary for them [I think it’s only Tyranny-?] Will also open writing/art commissions soon, maybe set up a kofi account, but I won’t be ‘gatekeeping’ any content I plan to post. I’m thinking, if ever, it’d only be standalone specials or maybe nsfw [gosh I’m really saying that?] in kofi, buuut that’s just a maybe. Everything else is free to read of course <3 

A really detailed and long [I MEAN IT, MAYBE 1.3-.5K?? WC] exposition under the cut, but of course, it’s optional to read!

PS. I opened my drafts and had one or two finished works there, I will publish those soon. Get ready. Because they’re angst AHAAAAAAAAAA-

PPS. I won’t be able to respond to everyone’s sweet shucking messages in my inbox forgive me But know that I’M REALLY SO TOUCHED YALL I really didn’t think anyone would look for me that much 😭 Someone said I vanished like the avatar and it’s sending me crumpling to the floor.

ALRIGHT STORYTIME LET’S GO—first of all, I haven’t been on Tumblr for so long, nor have I interacted with anyone and coming back,, the web interface bamboozled me.

Anyway- the past year was roooough, like settling in and getting into college.

From the start, my brother and I have known of our depleting resources but couldn’t stop because of our mother’s insistence and my father’s very.. volatile attitude. Double the latter since he has cancer and has been nothing short of cranky and infuriated for the past years—knowing that the money is facing a downward slope because of his expensive medicines and learning that we’ll stop because of it would’ve,, been terribly bad and that's understating the nature of my headstrong, independent, and prideful father.

There were times when he was very somber about his state, but then mad—it was just a really bad time, but my brother and I finally convinced our mom that we had to stop for real a few months ago because money was just tight. Until now we’re hiding the fact from our dad that we stopped under the pretense that we’re only taking one course for the semester :v

We were very lost and torn.

I knew I had to go out and look for a job, but my brother would be doing the same, too—the thing was that we knew our mom couldn’t handle our dad being sick alone, so my brother opted to be the one to find work outside.

I’m learning materials and courses on my own at home, but finding a remote job without a degree is no doubt near unimaginable with how remote setups are almost nonexistent now. The time was just bleak at home, too, my father would ask for bad things to eat that would worsen his health and then blame it all on my mother when he felt body pains and repercussions—it was just BAD, that wasn't all of it, but I digress. Cancer sucks. 

Just a few days ago, I lost my uncle to the same thing, and now there’s an overall family dispute over who gets what and it feels like I’m living a kdrama fever dream [pls get me out hfasjdkfhdsaf]. I don’t recommend it if it’s not romance lmao.

Things were getting so out of hand and I also couldn’t get back into writing or socializing with everyone in my writing socials—but I still wanted to write without the expectation of being able to deliver as I used to. It was a de-stresser for me, so I opened a new account in ao3/quotev and wrote in.. November or December, I think. It was nice, I got to just type away and post and leave it at that.

I think one of the reasons why I didn’t go to Tumblr for that was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to commit to updates, and I love you guys, I didn’t want to say something and promise it’d be given but then nothing. I’ve done it back then and I just, don’t want to do that :(

Despite how heavy and dark the past year was, however, something really unexpected happened—okay here it goes.

As a child, I’ve been taught about Christian doctrine and was brought up to believe in the existence of a God. I didn’t have my heart in it though, of course not, how was I to believe something that I only knew because someone said it to me?? I did attend church out of duty and had a shallow fear of the greater being, but as an authentic believing person? Naw. 

Not until June at least.

I don’t know how to explain it rather I, out of the want to give my mother the chance to go somewhere she wanted to for Sunday, decided to join her for church. I was ready to just daze off and think about some solution to our problems, but then the sermon spoke to me—you know, that feeling when someone is passive-aggressively referring to you in a complaint or something?

It felt like that, only it felt like that message was something I was meant to hear, and boy I couldn’t believe it—neither did my mother [lol]. She told me how shocked she was when I listened throughout the what, an hour and a half of preaching that I usually just dismiss. 

It’s cliche, but my life really changed after that one simple Sunday.

All my tweeeeenty years of living, I’ve asked if God really is real and whatnot and I never got answered until July of 2023. What really cemented my belief in knowing that he is real, is when I decided to genuinely pray—then for seven consecutive days, the Bible would lead me to a page [like just randomly opening a part of the book after prayer] that answered my questions and/or convicted me of something. I'd wake up every day and an event would happen that would answer my confusion and I'd sit in the night thinking 'no way that just happened', but it did. Boy, when I tell you I thought I was going crazy.

Not to mention opportunities such as baptism and ministry suddenly popped my way when I only had the idea in my head and I kept it to myself. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but when it ‘popped up’ more than thrice in a single week, I knew it wasn’t. Think of it as like, the thing in fanfiction when it seemed like the universe was saying something to you. Yeah, I felt that for myself. Mindblowing.

I could go on and on about the other life-changing things that occurred, but this would be so long LOL.

But I never regret coming to faith and accepting Jesus for real that day, and although life is still dark for me these days, the burden feels light. It’s an amazing feeling. He's really changed everything.

I’m not going to force anyone these beliefs—I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end and it could get very annoying, rather I just spoke on it to say how wonderful it was to know him, and it would be nice to let others know about my side in case they'd also take the faith. Who knows?

Also, I think I understand what those people were saying now. Again, I won’t force anyone—just reminding and asking you to try if you want, because it’s amazing. Bombard me in my inbox if you’re interested, but no pushing here, because I’m a firm believer that things shouldn’t be forced if it’s not the right time yet. 

Anyway, that was my source of strength and hope to go through these days—and I believe it’s also the driving force that led me to write this out in.. in Tumblr of all places lol. If someone told me this would happen two years ago I'd laugh in their face 💀

Rather than just getting back into writing and opening my social circle again, there’s that bit in me that wants to say that religious epiphany. That said, I know how diverse everyone is in their beliefs so I’ll say it very tersely that, no, I will not be parading and pushing people to believe this and that—this space is, after all, my space for writing :)

Ah, and nor will I ramble about it like shuck lol, but I will, in private, when prompted. 

With that out of the way, back into writing—I was floored when I first opened Tumblr and saw all the notifications and messages about my disappearance and I could’ve cried, really. It touches me poor heart :sob: and I wanted to thank all of you for such caring messages—I wouldn’t be able to reply to all of them [there were many!

Like maybe more than fifteen or twenty, not even counting the direct messages] but know that I’m very- very grateful for every one of you.

I could crawl out of your screen and hug yall but I won’t because I can’t and it’d throw people off KJHFSADKJFHALJSKDFHA

Life is, again, still hard—and navigating it is still difficult, but I’m managing these days. I can no longer return to my usual days of sporadic updates and teasers lol, but I’m happy to say I will still be writing, though it won’t be my entire focus nowadays. When I open writing commissions for genshin and art commissions, it’d get me going, of course. 

I have to let go of most of my beloved works because I realized that sticking to them would take up most of my time when I need to be out there upskilling and taking initiative to start earning money to support the bills. I still wanted to write though, and in my downtime I even got to watching One Piece and writing a currently on-hold fanfiction for that in Ao3, but fuuully realized that, no, I’m no longer cut out for really long written stuff unless I commit to writing a long piece that would take weeks for it to be published. 

In the end I settled for a single character [wanderer bb] short story that I get into writing without much hassle, and make myself happy, still :) I have ideas for other characters, too, but getting them out to be posted would take longer than usual.

My other AUs, as well, since my focus is just.. God, life, expenses, work, then hobbies. I don’t guarantee finishing them [I think Tyranny? And others, like Smite/Mercy/etc.], but I have in mind to write a summary because I meant it back then when I said the plot was really finished. Sighgisghsighs

Opening art commissions, I’d do that soon—writing, too.

Maybe a kofi account, as well—but I won’t be having any posts I want to be posted to be locked behind some tip or pay. I’m thinking of only adding specials there, specials like, standalone oneshots from an AU, or an nsfw piece. Oh golly, writing that is so beyond me, I think that’s the only reason why if anything is going to be in kofi, it’d probably be the nsfw. I plan to keep this writing blog sfw, still. 

But we’ll,,, we’ll see [dying]

So yeah! That’s.. Everything. For the writing thing, I think I’ll technically just be .. here, lol, with a focus on that story with wanderer. Gone are the 7k worded oneshots, now we’re just around 1.5k unless I commit to the creation. The story is so fluffy too [not angst? Surprising] 

But again, I will write for others eventually—can’t say when, or how, or who, but I will in time. 

I have so many plans in my head about my life, and I’m glad to say going back to Tumblr is a check off the list. I have an original novel in mind, but would you all be interested in such a thing? I don’t honestly know—other than opening commissions, I also plan on a Youtube Channel, but that’s uncertain. A Webtoon for my original plot too is a maybe, buuuut those are just what-ifs. Time will tell!

Those are just my two cents and I don’t regret sharing that—you guys have been with me for so long, even if I don’t really know you all beyond that screen, you all really became a part of my life, too :”)) 

If you reached the end of this post, wow, I’m touched. I hope you all have a good day–oh wait, what do I say? Ah yes.

I wish you all a good mornight [fhkadjsfhiajhgf].

God bless yall sweet people. 

[cleoselene]

Happy new year, tumblr friends. 2024 was a piece of shit, wasn't it? Just a festering pile. Kendrick Lamar ruining Drake, that was like, the only good thing I could think of that happened this year??? "Not Like Us" totally should win the Song of the Year Grammy. It won't, but it should, because that was a fucking commercial moment. It'll probably be something braindead like "Espresso" (no offense to Sabrina Carpenter fans but her music is not my thing x100). But man that was THEE song.

Music wise I was obsessed with Beyoncé most of the year and welp... that news about her husband being an alleged child rapist kind of took the wind out of those sails. Like, I fully believe Bey was groomed by Jay at a very young age and she's like Celine Dion in that the grooming was VERY effective and she will love that man forever and ever until death. It's depressing as hell. Lemonade is a masterpiece, but it was marketing. She was never going to leave that awful man. My mom is trying to tell me to keep loving her music, and I gotta admit, Beyoncé Bowl was phenomenal as like... everything she does is phenomenal. But the joy has been somewhat sucked out of it for me.

Rediscovered Vienna Teng and Phoebe Bridgers after the election, been more tuned out of the news than I have been in like, decades. I passively consume information, but I try to avoid it. Y'all, for me to avoid politics is bizarre. I remember my first election I followed, 1988, when I was 9, and I was SO for Dukakis. My family is politics/news junkies. But if 2016 fracture my spirit for this stuff, 2024 shattered it. Women will always be second class citizens in this country. It breaks me on a level that makes me question my identity -- why did I go to school for seven years getting a BA in Econ/Sociology and an MA in Sociology? Because I care about how the world works but no one else fucking seems to notice except fellow academic politics people like me, and they sure as hell aren't on the news (except Rachel Maddow, and she's just... kind of lost her plot for me too).

My soulmate dog died a week after the election exactly, and ever since the hits have just kept coming. My mom was so hesitant when I decided to adopt a young puppy, but I need her. I need her intense energy and many needs to distract myself from how shitty I think the world is.

I feel like a failure at even being a decent citizen because these MAGA monsters have just drained me. Another four years of this??? What the fuck, America. I went out to run two brief errands today and saw: -a pickup truck with "We The People" in the constitutional font on the back of the truck bed, but the window was covered in a massive Confederate battle flag. hey duder, you are giving your truck cognitive dissonance -a fucking cybertruck -a jeep crudely painted with the front as the American flag and hand-painted the words on one window: "GOD TRUMP LAW" and the other side said "STAND UP FOR SCIENCE" and I was awed at the even greater cognitive dissonance going on there. The font for these painted words I'd name "Scary Free Candy Van Sans" -a truck with a decal of Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes peeing on the words JOE BIDEN. There have been idk thousands and thousands of Calvin & Hobbes comics and Calvin has never ever peed on anything. Also the guy who designed the Punisher logo hates you fascist fucks too -a pickup truck with a decal of the silhouette of a women on her knees from above, and two hands wrapped around each of her braided pigtails as if using them for purchase, and the "drawing" fades out at the hip, but it's clear what's going on. I am saying "woman" because I hope that's what it was supposed to represent, the hair being in braided pigtails? Sus. But right next to that decal was one of praying hands holding a rosary and the word "Jesus" in some reverent font.

and that's a drive around Fort Myers, in Robert E. Lee County, Florida. I hate it here so fucking much.

anyway, here's hoping 2025 is at least gentler. The last two months of 2024 have had me feeling like I'm hanging on by a thread. I think it's my yearly winter MS flare too. Not a full on relapse, but every winter I just start to feel like garbage. And no, it's not S.A.D., I don't get that because Florida and I take vitamin D supplements anyway. it's just the time of year when everything starts to feel more and more inflamed

I'm enjoying World of Warcraft a lot still, but super bummed I can't seem to find an RP guild. Boo-urns