#like I panic I'm doing it wrong and i'm gonna get punished for my wrong laundry selections
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platypusisnotonfire · 19 days ago
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In one hour I'm gonna be 30.
I never thought I would see 20.
I text my brother, "do you feel young or do you feel old?"
we have orbited the sun the same amount of times. We have gone around the sun so many times apart that I'm not sure who either of us are any more. We have gone around the sun so many times together that I know we are only two halves of one person.
I am 4 years old I am 22 I am 17 I am 1000 years old and Oh so tired I am 6 and oh so scared and I need to know what the other half of us makes of the situation that we are experiencing in two different countries but together.
"I've felt old for years." he responds
Me too.
But also
I don't know if I'll ever be older than 7 and figuring out how to make us toast.
#how the hell do I even tag this#aging#I guess#trauma?#that's for sure#i know everyone goes through a version of this there is no one that turns 30 without some sort of a situation#a reaction#a revelation#idk#30 is a big one#I just can't help but feel i'm having a worse response than most#could just be main character syndrome honestly i'm probably just experienceing being human and being like omg my life is worse than everyon#and like no i get it that in many ways my life is not as bad as so so so so so many other people#I just ....#I feel like I have not emotionally moved on from being a very mature for my age 7 year old#that everyone praised for being so mature and an old soul and so capable#when literally it was like well my brother and I will starve and die If i don't step up so i'm gonna sort this.#every time I do my laundry I feel echos of the panic I felt then trying to figure it out#and I press any sorrt of random buttons until the machine turns on#I never learned to cook properly past the childhood 'gotta feed us' phase and I've survived sure but the idea of using an oven#or a real stovetop terrifies me#I microwave shit#and make sandwiches and salads#I havn't died but i'm definitly malnourished my vitamin intake is wildly abysmal#every time I'm doing a grown up task that I should be capable of as a freaking 30 year old I get this anxiety of#I wish a grown up would help me with this#like I panic I'm doing it wrong and i'm gonna get punished for my wrong laundry selections#or the way i'm sweeping the floor#how often am I supposed to be changin the vacuum bags#oh shit I EXPLODED the vaccuum bag I guess it was more often than that
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charaznablescanontoyota · 6 months ago
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"marn i missed sgdq 2024 what should i watch"
hi i decided i'm doing another one of these. it's been a minute. this past week was summer games done quick, an annual speedrunning marathon raising money for doctors without borders and also a great way to get into watching speedrunning. a lot of their content is tailored towards being both clearly explained and fun to watch for an audience outside the speedrun community, so you can jump in with basically no knowledge besides “this person is gonna play a game really fast”.
gdq has the full week's worth of vods up as a playlist on their channel, but here are some runs that i personally think you should check out:
ken griffy jr presents mlb by peanut butter the dog: look it's a dog playing baseball. i don't know what else to tell you.
the entire silly block: speedrunners get up way too early in the morning/late at night to play games that feel like a fever dream. some of the commentators are going on 24 hours of no sleep. it's brilliant. my personal highlights of what i've seen so far are stuart little 2, mad panic coaster, city bus simulator race, and the golf it wrong hole only race that the players dressed up as golfers for
alan wake 2 alan%: alan wake clips through walls and generally has a bad time while a bunch of gamers call him a sopping wet catboy. the runner for this one is really charismatic and it's very funny to see staff rushing to open up the pit as soon as we sing starts (yes they do the dance of course they do the dance). i just love joyful runs of horror games man
super mario 64 blindfolded randomizer: what if you played mario 64 blindfolded and also the stars were in completely random locations. and also you had to do it very very fast.
kingdom hearts 2 critical any%: every kh2 speedrun i've ever seen is a work of art and this one is no different. some of the boss fights go down so fast you will literally miss them if you look away for a minute. and also two of my favorite runners are on couch commentary!
balatro showcase: genuinely made me rethink how i'm playing some of the balatro decks. also great commentary and just fun all around despite (or perhaps partially because of) the absolute struggle session going on with plasma deck in the beginning
super mario world kaizo relay: kaizo is a shorthand term for a game hacked to its absolute limits of difficulty that often requires strict precision of movement and can punish the player for thinking they're smarter than it. in this segment, two teams of 4 very very good mario runners race to complete 8 kaizo levels they've never seen before in their lives
mario maker 2 troll level race: i always like the mario maker races for the same reason i like the kaizo relays. i love watching two speedrunners thrown blindly into the shit have to make up strategies on the fly via trial and error (and error, and error, and error, and...)
kirby air ride race: two high level kirby air ride speedrunners race for an actual physical title belt. the trash talk game happening here is of the insane variety that only two very skilled people who truly respect each others' talents at their game of choice can provide
kaizo mario galaxy: what if mario galaxy hated you even more than usual and would stop at nothing to kill you. also most of the commentators are only familiar with the vanilla game and their reactions to the added-in bullshit are hysterical
tony hawk pro skater 1, 2, 3, and 4: i fell asleep watching this and woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of a bunch of people singing superman by goldfinger. good run
super mario rpg remake: this was the finale block and it's just great to see a bunch of people who really really love the original mario rpg get to hang out and talk about how good it is and also watch a world record level player absolutely stunt on the game
halo 3 four-player co-op legendary: dudes rock
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cokou · 6 months ago
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𝙿𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚒𝚗 × 𝙵! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛
sum. Assigned with laundry duty with penguin, maybe things got out of hand. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ tw. Panty stealing. Getting caught. Fucking on the floor. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ a/n. I SWEARRER PENGUIN IS SO HOT. Pls no transfer and translate to any other media, this is my only account!😿😿 I LOVE YOU GUYS // Masterlist 💗
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You head towards the laundry room, carrying a basket full of already worn clothes. As you enter the room, you were met with Penguin looking at the dryer with the most confused expression you've ever seen. It seemed like he was skeptical and the look of 'im fucked' on his face.
"What's wrong?" Placing the basket into one corner, you approach him ready to help on whatever he had caused once again.
"Uhm, maybe I twisted it wrong?" He looked at you, his arms crossed and tapping his feet into the floor.
"Twisted it wrong? Context please?" Now even more confused, you take a look at the dryer, the buttons twisted, yet not working. The machine lets out loud noises of brr's and it smelled like smoke inside the room.
"(Name), I think I broke the dryer! Captain is totally gonna make me pay for it!" Penguin's voice was mixed between a nervous and a panic soring through him. Part of him was already prepared to do all punishments that the captain would set up for him.
"Calm down! Uh— Maybe you just twisted it wrong!" You tried retwisting the timer control towards the right, nothing happened. You retwisted it towards the left, and suddenly it jolted open, spinning fastly, the sound of revving filling the room and the machine reeked of the smell of smoke even more.
"Well look at that! I'm such an engineer when it comes to this." You proudly put your hands on your waist as Penguin looked even more concerned as the machine revved like crazy and spurting out smoke.
"(Name)! It's spurting out smoke! Turn it off, turn it off!!" As you hurriedly turned the machine off, it wouldn't turn off. Luckily Penguin had removed the sockets quickly.
"This machine's such a bummer... I'm ready to do 3 months worth of duties for the next few days of my life." Penguin sighed as he looked at you frowning, making you feel guilty.
"Well Peng, you could use another machine in a while."
"You're right, well atleast you'll help me out here, so it's less of a bummer."
Penguin knew it himself that whenever Law partners you two up for duties, he's always the one to enjoy it the most, not even complaining. Maybe his crush on you has been going on ever since you stepped into the submarine itself.
You smiled at him and reminded that you two have to be done before midnight or everyone would freak out of nothing to wear. Both of you returned to work—, however at the worst timing ever, Penguin had an idea of taking care of your clothes first. Rummaging through the baskets to find your laundry basket.
He picks it up swiftly, ready to toss them into the machine. Opening it up, his eyes widened at the sudden cloth that met his eyesight.
"(Name)'s panties.." mumbling to himself after the discovery, he held it and inspected it. A wet patch displayed on it, he felt himself get tighter at the groin as he looked over to your direction. Everything in him is telling that this was wrong, and that maybe he should just pick another basket until you pick yours up, right?
"Hey Peng? Are you okay? You've been—" drifting your eyes to his hand, you noticed a familiar pattern of cloth on his hand. "...Drop that!"
"Im sorry! I didn't even—" he slowly panics as he returned your underwear on the basket. "I didn't even mean it! I just saw it and—"
"No it's okay..I was wondering where it went, i guess i accidentally tossed it on the laundry basket."
"Uh— i'll..wash it if it's okay for you?" Regretting his words, he looked at the floor fidgeting with his hands. Thinking about it, he thought that he'd eacape the room with your panties.
"Oh sure, thanks?" You turned around to get back on whatever you left, leaving Penguin on his state. He quickly takes your underwear and stores it on his pocket for 'later'. Trying his best to keep his dick inside his pants until he was done doing his part.
Unfortunately for him, he couldn't just forget what had happen and his erection is starting to hurt. Looking towards your direction every 10 seconds, it felt like an eternity whenever you were in the same room as him.
However, he watches you bend over to pick up the basket and tossing them inside the machine clearly doesn't help at all. He could just tell you he'll be taking a break for a while, but he already had taken his break an hour ago. Thinking for more excuses to get out of this hell situation, he was even gladder you haven't noticed when you decided to talk to him.
This was clearly his last straw, when you bent over to check on a prnny that fell under the washer, he finally lost it. Walking over to you, he inspects the curves of your ass hugging those tightly worn pants that you decided to wear today. You didn't fail to notice his presence, but he isn't talking, thinking that maybe he's just looking for something.
Wrong. He presses his erection on your ass, making you gasp loudly. "Penguin?! Wha—"
"Hey, be quiet..you wouldn't want anyone hearing." He feel his dick twitching in his pants as he presses deeper into the curves of your ass.
Deciding to finally move, you helped him get your pants and everything off you to save some time, he doesn't waste time and quickly gets his bottoms off, shoving them on floor. Grabbing his dick and pumping it a few times, he positions it on your entrance.
Hoping that holding against the floor stabilizes you enough from the upcoming thrusts. He slowly enters your core, giving you a few minutes to adjusts him. He was big, just like you expexted it to be.
After a while he finally moves at a slow motion, being careful to not hurt you. His thrusts were sensual the faster it goes, it almost felt like he was holding back especially to not cause any harm.
"Ouhm...Peng, don't..hold back." You beg him, you were positioned with your ass on the air just how he found you looking for what dropped underneath the machine. You felt Penguin stiffen as you say those five words, making him even more nervous.
"R—Right.." He doesn't dare to hold back now, he paces quite fast, skin to skin noises flooding up the room. You hopefully tried to try keeping your noises to yourself, atleast. Releasing only heavy breaths and broken gasps as his motions turn sloppy and faster, you were sure with how big he was that it was already hitting your cervix.
He starts moving faster, chasing his high. Trying your best to keep your noises kept, you were already faltering from the ecstacy Penguin was causing you, remotely releases fairly loud moans.
You felt yourself closer to climax every thrusts he gives you, loud noises of squelching from your wet cunt covering the whole room.
"Fuh—ck, (Name).." Penguin releases groans and slight whimpers.
Being too busy with each other, both of you hadn't heard the noise of the doorknob switching.
"Penguin, (Name)—" 1, 2, 3. It was Law, having to see you both on a fucked up situation right infront of his very eyes. "Are...you two...done. What." He shoves his hand across his eyes and turns around, trying to process what he had just caught.
"Oh. My. God. Captain! I—It's not what it looks like!" Penguin quickly pulls out, having you release a moan, he grabs his pants to quickly dress himself up as you do the same.
"U—uhm..." You looked at the floor trying to play cool.
"I should've known not to partner you two up for duties!" Law the person he is, decides to scold you two in the middle of the laundry room where everyone could hear it. Obviously everyone started eavesdropping on the door. He gave you two 3 hours of full scolding while explaiing that everybody needed their clothes by midnight.
However letting everything get worse, he discovered the broken machine that you and Penguin both fucked up earlier. Making the punishment much heavier.
"6 months, 6 months of duties for the. Both. Of. You." Lesson learned, not to fuck in the laundry room. Dismissing the both of you from scolding and telling you two both continue everything by tomorrow.
Whatever Penguin was happy to be able to keep your panties with him, maybe he'll continue the scenario with it.
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©Cokou 2024, all works belong to me.
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bodyswapmischief · 1 year ago
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Andrew's Holiday Part 1 (An interactive story)
Part 2 Part 3
"Fine! Maybe I won't fucking come home for Christmas!" Andrew hung up and threw his phone on his bed. His heart was racing. His hands were shaking. The whole world around him felt loud and bright. The panic that sat within him before the phone call did not leave him. Even now, with the call over, he felt worse. He could feel his body begin to react to stress like it always had. His blood pulsed. He began to sweat. Every neuron was firing in his brain. All of them were telling the brain the same thing. "There is something in us, and it needs to be out of us." His stomach began to bubble, and a sour taste began to coat his mouth. He jolted to the trash can by his bed, as everything in his stomach came out. Tears began to stream down his face with each convulsion of vomit.
"What's wrong, Andy?" A voice came from behind him. Shame washed throughout Andrew's body. "Go! I don't want you to see me like this!" He tried to yell. But, Oscar's presence just added to the anxiety in this moment, and Andrew threw up again.
"Are you sick! Do you need anything?" Oscar called out again. "I was just coming back from class and heard..." Oscar stammered, not knowing what to do in this moment. "Leave!" Andrew cried out in the corner. His back turned away from Oscar. He could still feel the uneasiness of his stomach. His body shook as he cried.
Oscar let out a sigh. "No ... Andy! I'm not gonna leave. I'm your boyfriend and I want to be here for you." Oscar knelt beside Andrew and began to rub his back. "I'll be here ... I'll be quiet. I'll let you process. Just let me know if you..." Before Oscar could finish, Andrew turned around. His head sank into Oscar's chest, and he let the tears rush out.
The two sat there for sometimes, as the tears of Andrew face began to dry. His nose clogged, and his eyes puffy red. He sighed, feeling like he could finally breathe. He felt so safe in Oscar's arms. He couldn't believe he got lucky enough to be paired with him in freshman year as roommates. How they spent every day together. The shared anxiety they had not knowing if the other was gay. But, now it was sophomore year, and they were committed to each other. And Oscar was proving it, in this moment. However, comforting Oscar was, Andrew felt like he didn't deserve it.
"I came out to my dad today ... it didn't go well." Andrew pushed himself away. The shaky anxiety could still be heard in his voice. And, his body plops onto his bed. Oscar follows him and sits at his side. "I'm sorry ..." Oscar grabbed Andrew's hand and began to rub it. "He was mad, of course, but also in denial ... Between cussing me out, he'd throw in talks about me coming home and him fixing me and taking me to therapy and getting me through this phase. So, I told him I'm not coming home."
Oscar shook his head with a pit of disgust in his stomach. "That's sick. Wow, I don't even know to say ..." He lies down next to Tyler and pulls him close to his body. "He's wrong, tho ... you know that, right? There is nothing wrong with you. You ... us ... we are prefect." Oscar gives Andrew a reassuring squeeze.
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Why is Oscar so prefect? Is all Andrew could think about at this moment. "Yeah, I know that." Andrew finally smiles and rests his face against Oscar's chest. "You know ... my offer is still out there. You could come home with me for the holidays. My parents would love to meet you. And, I could help with any fees to change your ticket this late." Oscar turns onto his back. Excitement is clearly ringing from his voice.
Andrew turns on his back as well and weighs his options. Spending time with Oscar would he nice. Meeting his family could be interesting. But, is he really not going to go home? Would he punish his mother just because of his father. His mom has been accepting of him ever since he came out to her in high school. And, then all his friends would be there. He'd find ways to ignore his dad. But, maybe he just needed time alone. He could stay on campus and just spend time to think. Think about who he was without family or a boyfriend. He loved Oscar, but there was always this feeling of not being good enough for him. Maybe some time apart could help him with these feelings.
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hollowed-theory-hall · 3 months ago
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detentions: what do you think about them?
I assume this is in the context of Harry Potter because otherwise, I can't say much as my school didn't really do detentions. I'm gonna talk about detentions in HP and a bit about what my school did instead.
Now, detentions vary between the books quite a bit (probably because the Wizarding World & Hogwarts changed in JKR's mind), so, I'll outline the different types of detentions and what I think about them in general. I will not include detentions like with Umbridge or the Carrows, since that clearly isn't what's supposed to be happening at the school by the point we see in canon.
Ridiculously Dangerous Detentions
This sort of detention only really appears in book 1, probably so JKR could have Harry in the forest and see Voldy munching on a unicorn.
“I shouldn’t be too friendly to them, Hagrid,” said Filch coldly, they’re here to be punished, after all.” “That’s why yer late, is it?” said Hagrid, frowning at Filch. “Bin lecturin’ them, eh? ‘Snot your place ter do that. Yeh’ve done yer bit, I’ll take over from here.” “I’ll be back at dawn,” said Filch, “for what’s left of them,” he added nastily, and he turned and started back toward the castle, his lamp bobbing away in the darkness. Malfoy now turned to Hagrid. “I’m not going in that forest,” he said, and Harry was pleased to hear the note of panic in his voice. “Yeh are if yeh want ter stay at Hogwarts,” said Hagrid fiercely. “Yeh’ve done wrong an’ now yeh’ve got ter pay fer it.”
(PS)
From the later books, it appears this sort of detention isn't normal. And for good reason. I mean, it's bizarre to send 11-year-old kids whose only defensive ability is shooting red sparks to spend the entire night in the Forbidden Forest, where something is killing unicorns. Yes, Hagrid is with them, but technically Hagrid isn't allowed to carry a wand and even if he is there, the group gets separated so Hagrid isn't with them at all times.
I assume this was a special case detention and not the norm. Likely personally requested either by Hagrid or Dumbledore for various possible reasons. Regardless I consider this one an outlier that shouldn't be counted since there is something deeper and more specific going on in this particular detention.
I'd also want to note:
“What — what are you doing?” said Professor McGonagall, her eyes following the bouncing ferret’s progress through the air. “Teaching,” said Moody. “Teach — Moody, is that a student?” shrieked Professor McGonagall, the books spilling out of her arms. “Yep,” said Moody. “No!” cried Professor McGonagall [...] “Moody, we never use Transfiguration as a punishment!” said Professor McGonagall weakly. “Surely Professor Dumbledore told you that?” “He might’ve mentioned it, yeah,” said Moody, scratching his chin unconcernedly, “but I thought a good sharp shock —” “We give detentions, Moody! Or speak to the offender’s Head of House!”
(GoF)
That I find McGonagall's outrage funny here. I mean, yeah, a student could get hurt badly as a bouncing ferret, but so could four 11-year-olds you send to spend the night in the forest filled with dangerous, lethal creatures that is coincidentally right next to the school.
What Hogwarts Detentions are Actually Like
So, the Forbidden Forest one, as I said, was a unique exception but what does a normal student’s detention look like?
It looks like manual labor:
You will be polishing the silver in the trophy room with Mr. Filch,” said Professor McGonagall. “And no magic, Weasley — elbow grease.”
(CoS)
It was, as Harry had anticipated, useless, boring work, punctuated (as Snape had clearly planned) with the regular jolt in the stomach that meant he had just read his father or Sirius’s names, usually coupled together in various petty misdeeds, occasionally accompanied by those of Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. And while he copied out all their various offenses and punishments
(HBP)
Cleaning trophies, sorting detention records, signing photos for Lockhart — basically something boring and manual that wastes your time. This is pretty normal as far as detentions go (I think, again, my school didn't have them), but from what I read/saw/heard detention is a time you are supposed to spend quite at school, being supervised and not having fun while not being hurt. So, yeah, the Hogwarts detentions we see mostly fit the bill (save for Lockhart who keeps Harry in detention way too late, but, that's a Lockhart problem).
Now, do I think this is an effective punishment that doesn't harm students unnecessarily but still deters them from further wrongdoing? Not particularly.
I mean, we see students like the Mauraders, the Weasley Twins, and even Harry and co aren't at all deterred from their behavior by the school's punishment system. I mean, after book 1, most characters don't seem to care about detentions and house points.
So, detentions seem to be kinda useless since they waste time for the teacher and the student, and the student doesn't seem overly affected, at least, not the ones we follow. I'm not really an authority over disciplinary punishments in schools, and at the end of the day a student with a strong enough will / doesn't care about staying at school, wouldn't care for any punishment and you'll need to improve behavior by a method that isn't based on punishment. Fear is a motivator that can only get you so far.
I mean, Sirius mentions he and James had too much fun in detentions together and that's why teachers separated them to actually punish them. And then, James and Sirius made the two-way mirrors and still had fun in detentions.
This is why detentions never deterred them from anything. It's a relatively soft punishment, and if you don't mind sitting around, it's hardly a punishment at all. That being said, I am incredibly opposed to corporal punishment.
What did my school do
As I mentioned, I'm no expert in student discipline, but I can talk about my own experiences. My high school was a weird semi-private school and didn't do detentions (when I'm saying weird, I mean weird. We had peacocks walking around between the buildings like at Malfoy Manor. Sometimes, they got inside the buildings. Who needs hall monitors when you have hall peacocks. We also had school goats, and one of them attacked my mom once). We didn't really have punishments at school at all. Teachers just told us very clearly: "If you enter the classroom, it means you're here to learn. Don't want to learn, stay outside," and that was kinda it. You weren't punished for skipping class besides low grades, so it made behaving well in class a student's responsibility. You won't be punished, you'd just be told to leave and your grades would be what suffers.
Class was a pretty freeform kind of environment as well with most teachers. Like, students with hyperactivity were allowed to pace at the back of the classroom during lessons, students could sit on the window seal if they were more comfortable there, you could come and go from most of the classes as you pleased (especially in the final two years), and on nice days, sometimes, we'd have our classes outside on the lawn. Most classes acted more like discussions rather than just a teacher lecturing at you. I had classes where the teachers told me I could just skip since I'm ahead of the class and I'd use these hours to do homework in other subjects. I had a classmate who despised one of our teachers personally, so she made an agreement with him that he'd not arrive at her classes, study on his own during class time and only arrive to do exams. Because this is how the school operated, we didn't really have displanary issues in classes, hence no detentions.
Any sort of fighting or bullying that got to the staff was punished by an immediate suspension, during which your parents were expected to be the ones to dish out the punishment they found appropriate. You only got 3 suspensions, anything suspension-worthy you did after that almost always got you expelled, and that'll be the end of it. So, that wasn't much of an issue either. I actually don't really know of bullying that happened at my school (at least nothing extreme and targeted. Mean comments flew about for sure, but no one really cared, everyone was making fun of everyone pretty equally. The school only got involved when things got violent or verbally extreme. Like, calling someone a 'shithead' here and there doesn't count), I heard about fights, and even was in one, but not bullying. The fights were not a common occurrence either, most students (and teachers) were just pretty chill, especially in the upper years.
So, yeah, that's what I have to say about detentions.
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semiweirdshipper · 2 years ago
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Hello! It has come to my attention that you are currently looking for inspiration, so I thought I'd lend you a hand! First of all, if this does not peak your interest, please don't feel pressured to take my suggestion! Alright, so, emotional support/fluff, hm... What about killers being tenderly taken care of after a survivor managed to hurt them? I'm not sure if this is the kind of concept you are looking for, so please excuse me if it isn't! Have a lovely day! 💗
A reader helping killers' who were hurt- emotionally and/or physically.
For the very sweet, lovely @lovesick-on-the-loose
Thank you so much, lovesick, for being so kind and patient. You're a very wonderful person and I've enjoyed the conversations we've had together. I apologize that the drabble is late, but I really hope that you like it 💐❤️ Much love to you, my dear!
Also.... This is my first time writing Kazan, so I probably did an iffy job. Nonetheless I'm glad I got the chance to portray his character more.
Warnings: Non-graphic violence. Character injury. Blood and injury. Fat shaming.
...
Max (injury)
Max was in a rough chase with Ada who kept hitting him with pallet after pallet until one point it finally managed to break the skin on his head. And it was painful. So painful that he dropped his hammer and chainsaw and began limping around blindly while clutching his head.
He growled and groaned in pain. His heart was racing and it felt like his skull was broken. Blood oozed down his face and into his eyes. What did he do? How was he supposed to fight like this? Aw, he just wanted the pain to stop.
"Max."
Max jolted and spun around anxiously. Who was that? Someone else who wanted to hurt him?
"Max, it's me, (y/n), a-are you okay?" It was you.
Max relaxed a bit and stilled his movements. Personally, you were his favorite person here. You were just so pretty and kind and caring. And he kind of... 'liked'... you........
"Oh, that looks bad. Here, I have a medical kit. Would it... Is it okay if I help you real quick?" You asked, stopping nearby.
Him getting help from you? Was this a dream come true? Max hesitated, but eventually he nodded and got down to his knees. He heard you approaching, his eyes squinting with the intense desire to properly see you.
"Here," You say, your gentle hands cupping his chin and tilting his head up, "Hold still, ok?"
Max uttered small, patient growls while enjoying the feeling of you softly cleaning away the blood. You were so gentle and kind. Oh, how he wished he could speak.
"I'm gonna bandage this, but it might sting a bit, ok?" You say, patting his shoulder.
Nodding, Max tensed and groaned whenever you poured cool liquid over his head, but once it settled a bit, he was surprised to notice the painful wound go numb. "I'm sorry this happened. I know Ada can be a pain to deal with," He heard you speak while wrapping up his head.
"But you did a good job," You hum, and it caused his chest to flutter. "And you're so strong. I love how you never give up."
Stop it. You're making his heart go crazy. Max's crooked mouth curved in a smile, and he growled bashfully at your praise. It might sound silly, but he really wanted to hug you right now.
Once you were done bandaging his head, you sat back and smiled, "There. Is that better?"
Brushing a hand over his tingly, bandaged head, Max nodded and looked at you, his cheeks turning red at your beautiful, kind, amazing face. Gosh, you were so incredible. He was grateful to even walk on the same ground as you.
Wincing, Max clenched his eyes shut and forced out, "Thhh... Thank... You."
"You're welcome, Max," You grin, leaning in to place your hand over one of his, "This trial is pretty much over, but I'll stay behind so you don't get punished. Does that sound good?"
What? You would do that for him? And the way you were holding his hand- it just- ahhh! What was happening right now?
"Wh-what's wrong?" You laugh softly, obviously catching onto his adorable panic.
Max tilted his head away. What's wrong is that he really liked you, and you were really nice, and you just helped him, and you were holding his hand, and it felt like his face was about to burn off. He growled a bit, closing his eyes when he slowly turned his hand over beneath yours, your fingers lightly intersecting.
"Max?" You squeeze his fingers back.
Max turned and looked at you, and his heart rocketed into his throat at what you said next.
Herman (emotional)
He was sitting at the isolated killer campfire by himself, his knees drawn and body slumped forward as he stared with blank eyes at the infinite fire. Around a week ago he had been rejected by someone who he was really attracted to, and that pain was still heavy inside him, endlessly weighing him down.
And, to add more salt to the wound, people both killer and survivor alike had been making fun of him and all for different reasons. He felt like a fraud, an outcast, a failure and a hated imbecile. And lonely. So very, very lonely. Unliked. Unwanted.
There was the distinct sound of tasseled tree branches in the distance, but Herman didn't care to register it. Was probably just some other jerk come to rub his own humiliation in his face again.
"Herman?" He heard a voice. 'Your' voice. "E-excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, I just... I just came to see if you were okay?"
Herman turned his head and spotted your shy figure standing just on the other side of the fire. While he didn't know you personally, he knew that the brief moments you did share together in the past had been decent. But that didn't answer why you were here. He nodded.
You approached slowly, your steps light and hesitant, "Aren't you lonely out here all by yourself?"
Yes. Herman shook his head and sighed, idly watching you from the corner of his eye.
"Is it okay... Can I sit with you?"
He nodded. You sat down about five feet away from him, mindlessly grabbing a nearby stick and probing it around at the ground, "It sucks- being rejected. Makes you... Makes you wonder what you're doing wrong."
Herman's eyes widened and he looked over at you. You were looking at the ground, casually tapping at it with the stick. You had been rejected too?
"And it's crazy because-pfft! Who would wanna reject you? You're smart, kind... Handsome..." You bashfully admit, turning your head away.
Interest fully caught, Herman straightened his posture and turned towards you a bit, "(y/n)?"
"I'm just saying-" You say somewhat passionately, albeit embarrassed, "They're stupid for rejecting you..."
Herman's gaze drifted off a bit, "Or perhaps I merely hone no attraction."
"Uh," You scoffed, glaring at him, "Yes you do. Why would you say that? You're very attractive, and kind, and you have the most beautiful smile, and you're such a gentleman- I-I seriously don't know why anyone would want to turn you down. You deserve so much more than that."
"Hm," Herman smiled a bit and scooted closer to you, his tone pleasant and smooth as he mumbled, "Yes... Yes, I suppose I do deserve better, don't I?"
When you turned your head back and saw how close he had gotten, you blushed and stammered, "O-oh, I-I... I?"
"Tell me, (y/n)... Is it true? Do you really think that highly of me?" Herman asked, staring hopefully into your eyes.
You stare back, a bit flustered, but honest, "Yes."
"Well then," Herman stretched his hand out towards you, murmuring, "I guess I just need to set higher standards then, hm?"
Kazan (injury)
Kazan is not used to the foreign, futuristic buildings that he is forced to do trials in. And not frequently does he have the proper attire to venture through these realms- like right now he was trying to navigate his way through some freezing, concrete building filled with flashing lights, walls, creepy bathrooms and more walls.
There was also a lot of clutter in the institute, and along that clutter there lie stray broken glass. Glass that he stepped and 'slipped' on thus creating multiple, long cuts in the bottom of his bare feet.
Kazan roared in anger and pain, immediately dropping his katana and falling down onto his bottom. He growled, pawing at his rapidly bleeding foot. There was a piece of sharp glass lodged inside it. He touched it and roared yet again in excruciation. Curse this hell.
If the Entity was a belly, he would slice it.
Kazan attempted many times to remove the glass, and when that failed he tried resuming the trial, and then when that failed he sat back down and huffed and groaned loudly in a mixture of pain, fury, and annoyance.
"Hello?"
Kazan huffed and turned his head straight in your direction, startling whoever it was that dared tread close to him. His eyes dilated, though, whenever he saw that it was 'you'. (y/n). You were standing nearby with your hands lifted in the air- a red medical kit held in the right one.
"I-I saw that you were hurt," You say softly, gesturing to his foot, "I can help."
What? He didn't understand you. The language you spoke was foreign to him, didn't you know? Kazan huffed gruffly, clenching his hand around his katana. The only reason he didn't cut you where you stood now was because he liked you. You were the only survivor who he respected in this gruesome purgatory.
Instead of running away like he expected you to, Kazan watched suspiciously as you pointed from your med-kit down to your own foot, back to the med-kit and then to him. Hm? He knew that those red, square things were filled with equipment survivors used to heal themselves with. Were you implying that... You could heal him too?
"I can help you."
Well, there wasn't anything about your tone that suggested malice, and your expression seemed empathetic enough. Perhaps he could stand to accept your aid. Kazan huffed and spoke in his own language, relaxing his body and lifting out his foot.
He thoroughly observed you as you slowly approached him and kneeled down in front of his injured limb. So far you seemed trustworthy. You shuffled through that red container and pulled out a pair of pliers.
Kazan wasn't completely ignorant. He knew what was coming. This wasn't the first time something sharp needed to be pulled out of his body. So he sat up a bit and braced himself as much as he could, stifling a great roar whenever you swiftly pulled the glass out.
Your care after that was immediate. As you quickly dowsed his foot with numbing liquid and then wrapped it with gauze, Kazan listened to your soft yet foreign mumblings. Somehow it was reassuring to him, and you were so precise and gentle.
Kazan decided that he really did like you.
Once you were done, Kazan sat up straight and began to thank you in his own language. He even did a little bow to further express his gratitude.
When you bowed back, he blushed a bit and gazed down at his bandaged foot. You not only helped him but you showed him great kindness and respect. He said that he wanted to get to know you better.
You squinted your eyes at him, looking confused, "What?"
Kazan did the only thing he knew of that could work. He grabbed his katana, ripped off one of the decorative sakura on the handle, and lifted it out towards you. Take this as a clarification of his gratitude and maybe even, one of these days, his love.
Jeffrey (emotional)
He was sitting outside of his caravan on a chair all by himself, simply enjoying the peace after-trials brought. It had been a rough day- one that was filled with hate, degradation, embarrassment and loneliness. Jeffrey knew that he wasn't the best looker out there. He had let himself go a long time ago and he was far from being healthy.
But man, did people really hate him.
A lot of the survivors were friends with the killers, but no one was friends with him. Jeffrey was positive that the reason behind that was due to his appearance- hell, the survivors and even some of the other killers reminded him of how disgusting he was every day.
That's why, when Jeffrey saw you timidly approaching him from the opposite side of the dead circus, he rose an eyebrow of curiosity and defense. Judging by your posture, you didn't look like you were here with ill intentions. In fact you seemed kind of nervous and... shy.
Jeffrey eyed you heavily up until you came to a stop just a few meters away. "Hi?" You bashfully said, your adorable fingers lifting in a small wave.
"An' what the hell do you want?" He asked, prepared for the worst.
"I um... I just wanted to come by and say that... I saw how the other survivors were treating you last trial, and I... I wanted to come see you and say that... That I..." You cleared your throat, pressed your hand against your mouth and looked away, your cheeks a vivid red, "I don't think you're ugly at all. And... I hate the way they treat you. It's not right."
Jeffrey could only sit still in silence for a moment, utterly shocked. Well, of all the things you could have said, he definitely didn't expect to hear that. "Heh," He smirked, spreading his legs a bit and leaning forward with interest, "An' what made ya come all the way down here just to tell me that, sweetheart?"
"I..." You stammered, your blush more than obvious, "I-I felt bad for how they were treating you, and I... I was worried that you- you know... Might be feeling bad too..."
"Well, ain't you sweet?" Jeffrey grinned and beckoned you closer with a finger, "Commere."
You complied hesitantly, coming to a stop just a few feet away from him. Jeffrey eyed you up and down, pleased with what he saw, "Tell me: if ya don't think I'm ugly, then what am I to ya?"
Your fingers nervously rubbed together in front of your belly. Your cheeks were dark and your gaze averted. "I- you... I think that you're... Handsome." And then you covered your face with your hands.
And oh did Jeffrey love that. Someone thought he was handsome- and not just any someone. 'You'. One of the greatest survivors in this junky place. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, can ya repeat that?" He teased, lifting a hand behind his ear.
You made a face that caused him to laugh in amusement. "Aw, come on, ya gotta know I ain't got good ears," He grinned.
You shuffled and gazed around, unable to look at him as you sputtered, "I said... I think you're handsome."
"What was that? Sorry, one more time."
"Mm..." You blushed furiously, covering your face, "Seriously?"
Jeffrey leaned back and chuckled, "Ain't you just the dammed most adorable thing I ever did see... Much better than all them other hustlers. Prettier too."
"Is... Is it okay if I sit with you for a while? Please?" You ask.
Jeffrey hummed and closed his legs together, patting his thighs as he said, "Yeah, yeah, here. Sit right here. Take a load off from all them darn nice things yuv been sayin' to me."
Whether you sat on his lap or not was entirely up to you. Either way, Jeffrey loved having you around. And for the first time in a long time... He felt like he was finally accepted.
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kiwisfics · 11 months ago
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A/N: Don't read this if you don't like dark fics! Don't come at me if you don't like the content. Triggers are listed and the only non-"constructive" comments I'll take are about any triggers that need to be added. I said I was gonna post this like... three days ago but I kept going over it again so if I don't post it now I'm not gonna. JUST TAKE THIS! Let me know if I missed any uses of my SI's name when I was editing.
Context Needed: I normally keep the fics I write that are lore-heavy to myself, but since people said they wanted the dark fic… Reader is a rifter, which basically means that she’s capable of traveling dimensions, and is conditionally immortal. Reader goes by Black Robin and is implied to have a suit that shows a lot of skin and to have a flirty persona as a vigilante.
TWs under the cut because there's... a lot.
Light TWs: Self-loathing, reader diminishes her own worth, reader has past trauma with being left behind by people she cares about, Dick is giving reader the silent treatment at the beginning but it’s mostly pre-setting, canon-typical violence/blood mentions. “Good girl” gets used condescendingly.
Heavy TWs: Do NOT read this if you have any triggers related to rape/non-con. Nothing actually happens, but it heavily revolves around reader believing that it's going to. Seriously, don't read this if you don't like whumpy stuff, because you're not gonna like it. My love of whumper to caretaker shows through here. Lots of mentions of trafficking, reader is kidnapped by said traffickers, fear of rape/non-con, Dick is very mean. Like, seriously, he’s very OOC for the majority of this fic. Threats/implications of rape/non-con, inappropriate use of one of his escrima sticks (just in the mouth) reader has a spiral at the end where she’d convinced that Nightwing and Red Hood are going to rape her.
If it’s any consolation, this is technically hurt/comfort, so it isn’t all horrible. Just… most of it. Reader also forgives him far too fast in the end, but I can gladly share some more snippets of how this affects the reader character in the future. I’ve already got ideas for some short scenes that I’m gonna write.
-
Nightwing was going to kill her.
He’d been explicitly clear: he didn’t want to see Black Robin out ever again. She’d nearly gotten herself killed, but she knew that wasn’t why he was so angry. He couldn’t have cared less about that, after all, she was a rifter and that meant that she was built to take pain and that death was a moot point. He was angry because she’d risked the mission, nearly let a trafficker that they’d all been hunting for weeks get away because she got too confident for her own good.
She’d snapped back at him when he told her that she wasn’t to wear the suit again, told him that he was just like Batman. That was the wrong thing to say.
He hadn’t talked to her since.
So, maybe she was trying to bait him a little by coming into Blüdhaven in her suit, maybe she was trying to get his attention back because she couldn’t stand being punished with the silent treatment. Maybe this was her fault.
Well, it was definitely her fault, but in her defense, she was thinking with her heart and not her head. She didn’t want to lose him, and in some twisted way, having him level her with lecturing and anger was still better than the radio silence.
She would have been fine. Nightwing would never actually hurt her. That wasn’t what went wrong.
Her suit didn’t have a panic button. It didn’t need one because she was forbidden from going out on her own even before she’d wrecked a mission and been benched. So, when she’d stolen a bike and made her way to Blüdhaven in costume while Bruce was off-world, Tim was with the Titans, Jason was off on a no contact mission, and Alfred was distracted with keeping Damian from abandoning his studies in favor of full-time vigilantism, no one knew where she was going.
She’d even been stupid enough to leave a note saying that she was heading home to visit family, and she wouldn’t be back for a while.
Alfred would have already found the note. Bruce wouldn’t start worrying for at least forty-eight hours with no word.
By then, it might be too late. Too late for her pride and her self-respect at least.
For now, she contented herself with growling and spitting at the traffickers, fighting the urge to be sick over the taste of her own blood soaking the rag in her mouth. She had no chance of picking the locks on the handcuffs, because she’d never gotten the hang of it while Bruce was teaching her, so she didn’t bother fiddling with them, instead preserving her energy.
If no one found her, she’d need her energy if she got the chance to run. They’d have to uncuff her from the chair if they wanted to-
She gulped, pushing down the thought.
Nightwing was going to kill her, but he was also the only chance she had of getting out of this without something worse than torture occurring.
She could see the leering. She could read the expressions. She promised herself that if she got out of this, then she was going to change the layout of her suit. She needed to cover more skin. She needed to flirt less with enemies too, apparently, because the men that had grabbed her had parroted some of her own lines back at her while they gagged her and dragged her back to this warehouse.
It was always warehouses. For once, she wanted to get dragged to a penthouse suite and get threatened and tortured by a classy villain.
Nightwing was going to kill her, but she couldn’t help the way that her chest lurched with relief and happiness upon seeing his form drop to the floor from one of the open skylights.
At once, all of the guns were on him, but, as suspected, he didn’t so much as flinch.
“Here to save your little friend? Awful bold to jump right in the middle of the warehouse full of men with guns, even for you, Nightwing.”
He tilted his head, the clench in his jaw speaking of rage.
She was sure she was saved, because even if he was mad at her and was going to give her a lecture that might have her in tears by the end of it, Nightwing wouldn’t hurt her. Dick wouldn’t hurt her.
“Save her? No. She’s just getting exactly what she asked for.”
Her stomach lurched this time, but it was with fear and a sickly cold feeling that crawled up her throat like it was being swarmed by ants.
Was she wrong? There was no way he would just leave her to her fate. He’d saved genuinely terrible people from situations that weren’t even as bad as the one that she’d found herself in, so there was no way he was going to leave her here, just because they’d had a fight.
Right?
The men’s guns all seemed to lower in the slightest bit, but they didn’t leave his form, “You expect us to believe you’re going to just leave her here? That you just dropped in for a friendly chat?”
“Oh, no. I don’t plan to leave her here. You just saved me the trouble of getting her pinned down is all.” He twirled one of his escrima in his hand, like it was a fidget toy instead of a dangerous weapon. “I appreciate you making my night easier, but I’m going to be taking her off of your hands now.”
So, he was saving her, right? He was contradicting himself, but she didn’t care what he said if he got her out of this.
“Thought you weren’t saving her,” the guns raised back to their full height, the leader scoffed, “you go play hero somewhere else for the night and maybe will give her back when she’s nice and broken in. Might not even charge you the full rate.”
She didn’t like having her suspicions confirmed about what they planned to do with her, but that was fine. She had guessed that, and it didn’t matter anymore, because Nightwing was here and that meant that these idiots were just delaying the inevitable rescue he’d come to pull off.
“Well, I guess you could consider it saving. After all, I might not be quite as into pain as some of your clients are, but you shouldn’t worry, I plan to make good use of her.”
What?
No, no, that wasn’t right. He was not actually implying that he was going to use her exactly how these men planned to. There was no way. He was Nightwing. He was-
They’d been flirting since they’d met, the kind of flirting that made everyone that didn’t know better think they were already an item. Even she knew that he was attracted to her, but… had she really pushed her luck this far? Had she really made him hate her so much that the only way he wanted to make a move on that attraction was like this?
She was having more and more trouble holding back on throwing up the meal she’d had before leaving Gotham.
“Yeah, right. You expect us to believe you want her as a toy?” The leader scoffed.
She wished she was that certain that he was lying about it.
Dick- Nightwing walked forward, still twirling his escrima as he approached her. The men parted for him despite keeping their weapons squarely aimed.
“Who could blame me?”
She could feel his eyes burning into hers even behind his mask. Her own mask was long gone, leaving him an unabated view of her frightened eyes. She was sure there was betrayal there too.
His escrima rested beneath her chin, and she forced her head back, trying to put distance between her skin and the weapon that she knew could easily shock her, “Look how pretty she is when she’s scared.”
She tried to muffle the whine that escaped her throat, but there was no way that he didn’t hear it.
What was going on? This was wrong. Was this- was someone wearing his face?
No, she couldn’t pin it on that, because no one knew about the way he’d yelled at her about never wearing the suit again, and there was no denying that was what he meant when he’d said she was getting what she asked for.
He really did hate her, then. She’d really, really messed up, and now he hated her, and for some reason the sting that knowledge made bite at her heart was worse than the fear at what he planned to do to her.
“And what kind of payment are we getting out of this? We could make hundreds at least by selling a vigilante, especially if we only rent her out. And this one can break over and over again, just to heal back up. She’d a goldmine of opportunities. Why would we just hand her over to you?”
Dick’s—no, no, she couldn’t think of him as anything other than Nightwing, because if she thought of him as Dick, then she was going to breakdown for sure; Dick didn’t hate her, Dick cuddled her during movie nights and carried her to bed when she fell asleep—Nightwing’s jaw ticked with irritation. Apparently, he hadn’t expected them to be so unwilling to give her up just because he wanted her to himself.
Was he waiting for this? Did he know what he was going to do as soon as he’d told her to never put the suit on again? Was he hoping that she would, just so he could use it to justify punishing her like this?
His empty hand trailed up her chest, just barely brushing her shirt, but it was enough to make a jolt go down her spine. He grabbed her jaw, the escrima stick brushing lightly against her cheekbone, “You’re going to let me take her without causing me any more trouble, because otherwise, I’ll be telling the Bat about your outposts in Gotham.”
Angry muttering began among the traffickers, but the leader remained silent, “That’s not much of a payment.” He hummed, like he was considering the offer, but anyone could tell that he already planned to ask for more, “Tell you what, you can take her out of here, no problem. I’m not interested in getting caught by a stray bullet in a firefight, and, honestly, keeping one of the Bat’s things seems like asking for trouble. She didn’t put up much of a fight, so you can walk out with her, after you give us a show.”
She gagged audibly on the rag in her mouth, tears finally escaping her eyes while she put renewed effort into forcing the rag out of her mouth. She wanted to beg and plead and cry. If he was going to do anything to her, at the very least she didn’t want an audience.
For his part, she could see his eyes widen just a fraction behind his mask, but the surprise quickly seemed to settle, and he flashed a smirk to the men that made her feel like she was about to start hyperventilating.
“Fine.”
No, no, no, no, no.
He pulled the gag from her mouth with the hand that had been against her chin, and she instantly opened her mouth to beg, but snapped it shut a millisecond later, her teeth clacking together almost painfully.
His escrima stick was resting against her lips, and his free hand was holding her jaw again, fingers squeezing against her cheeks in an attempt to make her open her mouth, but she wasn’t budging. She wasn’t stupid, and maybe cooperation would make things better in the long run, but she wasn’t letting him put his weapon in her mouth.
“Unless you want this to hurt a lot more later, you should cooperate right now. I’d hate to use this somewhere-“
Her mouth shot open before he could finish, fast enough that her jaw popped.
Okay, so she was letting him put his weapon in her mouth. She’d take the loss.
“Good girl.”
She hated that the praise stroked something in her, making her heart flutter even while he shoved the escrima stick past her lips and far enough into her mouth to hit her throat and make her gag.
Blood. Steel. An iron tang that made her brain go blank for long enough that she missed what he said next.
He didn’t appreciate that.
“Am I boring you?” He growled the words as his free hand tangled in her hair and pulled her head forward, making the escrima stick hit the back of her throat again with what was almost a bruising force. “I asked if you were going to behave, or if I was going to need to make you deepthroat this while it was on, but I guess I have my answer.”
Cold terror battered against her ribcage in place of her heart. All that was left in her chest was a black hole of absolute horror and fear that could hardly classify as a heart.
She didn’t realize that the sobbing in her ears was her own at first, too far into her own head and too tense while waiting for him to flick the switch to make this humiliation painful to know what was going on around her.
She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t breathe!
And suddenly everything around her stopped and went deathly silent before gunfire began and the yelling of the traffickers became frantic and chaotic. The only words she picked up were “it’s the Hood!” and what normally would have made her think she was saved only made her panic more, because if Nightwing—the one that had held her while she cried and always agreed to musicals just because he knew she loved them—was going to use her as a toy, than that meant that Red Hood would too. She was sure he hated her too. She’d thought the way they bantered was fun and games, but she’d also thought that Nightwing cared about her and clearly, she was wrong about that. Nightwing had probably called him here so he could take out the frustration he had with her on her.
And then they’d tell Batman that they’d found evidence that she’d been trafficked and then they’d keep her locked up somewhere and- and- and- and- she couldn’t-
“Breathe.” A familiar hand fanned across her cheek, fingers brushing away tears that were immediately replaced with more, “Breathe for me, bird. It’s alright. It’s okay.”
She couldn’t. She couldn’t catch her breath, but the escrima stick wasn’t between her teeth anymore, so she could beg now. She could plead and promise to behave and maybe if she asked nice enough and they believed her then they’d let her go after they were done with her instead of keeping her.
“Please, please, I’m- I’m sorry, I-I’ll never wear the suit again, I promise. I promise.  I’ll be good. I won’t fight, I’ll-“
“Hey, hey, stop.” He pressed his hand against her mouth, not hard enough to force her to be quiet or to muffle her voice if she did continue to beg, but she silenced herself instantly regardless. “You’re okay, bird. Just breathe. I’d never hurt you. Never. There wasn’t a way to warn you about what was going on without cluing them in. I’m so sorry, bird. I really am.”
He sounded like he was about to cry, and the way he was holding her face in his hands certainly didn’t give her the idea that he was going to hurt her or force her down to her knees so he could-
“I could think of a hundred better ways to have gone about that, ‘wing.” Hood’s voice made her flinch and sink farther down in the chair she was tied to. She didn’t even move her legs or arms when he’d gotten the cuffs undone.
“I needed to distract them so you could get the files and I’m still injured. I wouldn’t even be out tonight if you hadn’t told me that they’d gotten their hands on her. If I’d tried to fight them, then they would have taken me out before finding you, so I don’t want to hear it. Don’t act like I wanted to do or say any of that.”
That was… fair. It wasn’t fair to her, but she had gotten herself into this situation and- she would forgive everything if it meant that he wasn’t going to hurt her. Actually, she’d let him hurt her if it meant that he wasn’t going to use her.
“Dick?” She whined out his name like a kicked puppy, tilting her face against one of his hands in a placating gesture.
“Yeah, bird. I’m here. It’s me. That wasn’t real. None of it was real, and you’re safe now. No one is going to hurt you, especially not me.”
Another sob tore from her throat, and she threw herself forward, into his arms. She was trembling and sobbing harder than he’d ever heard, and she was almost positive it was harder than she ever had in her life. His form wrapped around her, tucking her against his chest as he pressed his face against the top of her head and placed comforting kisses.
Jason sat on the ground behind her, one of his hands running circles against her back in an effort to assist in calming her, and it worked.
After her sobbing began to slow, Dick spoke up hesitantly, “I thought you would know. I never meant- I thought you would know that it wasn’t real. I thought you knew I’d never hurt you.” His breaths shuddered, “I thought you knew that I love you.”
“But you- you were mad at me. You told me- told me I could never wear the suit again and- and then you didn’t talk to me all week and I thought- I thought you hated me. And- and I came here to get your attention because you were ignoring me, so- so I would have deserved-“
“Hey, no. Don’t even finish that sentence.” His hold on her tightened and his voice turned even more tense, edged with anger, “No one deserves to be taken advantage of and you know that.”
She sniffled, tucking her face tight against his neck, and breathing in the scent of his suit and sweat. “You said you love me.”
There was a long pause, and Jason took it as his cue to leave, ruffling [Name]’s hair as he stood and headed out of the warehouse. He landed a boot against the ribcage of the leader of the traffickers as he passed by.
“I’m going to alert Blüdhaven PD. Half of their guys are probably on this group’s payroll though, so I’d get out of here before they show up. They’re probably hoping whoever shut down this location sticks around so they can fill them with lead.”
“We’re headed out now.” Dick stood as he said it, taking [Name] with him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung onto him.
“You said you love me.”
“I did,” he finally confirmed, “but I don’t think now is the time to talk about-“
“I love you too. So much.”
He went quiet again, feet still carrying them away from the nightmare that she’d just gone through, “I don’t expect you to forgive me for that.”
She tightened her hold around him, burrowing against him as a sign that she wasn’t holding any grudges, but also in an attempt to hide from the could Blüdhaven night.
“I knew you were after them. I shouldn’t have stuck my nose in it. I just… I wanted you to talk to me again. Even if you were angry. I… I don’t handle the silent treatment well and… it felt like you were leaving me behind, just like everyone else always does. It felt like you had decided I wasn’t worth the trouble anymore.”
“Never. I’ll never leave you behind, okay? I know that me saying that isn’t going to make you stop thinking that I might, but I’ll prove it, alright? I’ll never leave you behind.” He brushed his lips against her neck, and she couldn’t fight the light laugh that escaped as the gentle touch tickled her skin.
“Okay. I, uh, just… one thing though.”
“Anything.”
“Please keep the escrima sticks away from me for a while?”
 She could feel him cringe, but he nodded, “Yeah. That’s fair.”
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gayuu-the-necromancer · 2 years ago
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William Rex Fervido: Fervently ~ Normal Story
 。⋆。˚🦋˚。⋆。
Through the dense forest and across the drawbridge to the castle----
William led me by the hand past the entrance and around to the backyard.
(Woah....)
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The garden is covered with mist and flowers are covered with drops of rain.
It was so beautiful, much more mysterious than on a clear day, and made me want to get lost in it.
(.......The garden in the rain is so beautiful)
As I admire it, William's fingertips gently brush my hair, wet from the rain and sticking to my cheeks, over my ear.
William: "How do you feel getting wet in the rain?"
Kate: ".....It was...."
I was trying to be aware of my heart.
It was still a little immoral to let the cold drops of rain hit my skin.
(I feel like I'm doing something wrong.....but....)
(The rain, which has become lukewarm from the heat of the body slides down the skin too)
(It's also the case that my fingertips get cold, and only where he touches, feels warm....)
(And also William's fingertips brushing my wet hair up to my ear.....)
Kate: ".......great."
To my own surprise, my heart was dancing.
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(William's 'good' thing....I thought it felt good too)
Kate: "It feels good to get wet in the rain."
I answered clearly and cheerfully once again.
William: "....Fufu."
Kate: "Why are you laughing?"
William: "I just thought, your face looked nice."
William: "You really do have that look on your face, don't you?"
Kate: "Ehh....? Ah....."
-----FLASHBACK-----
William: "You are finally smiling."
Kate: ".....Was I not smiling that much?"
William: "Yeah, and even now, you're laughing to your heart's content only half of the time."
------FLASHBACK ENDS------
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William: ".....It looks very beautiful, truly."
(......!)
Kate: "Don't say those things so easily....."
William: "Why not?"
Kate: ".......Because it's bad for my heart."
My heart is actually banging noisily.
It's like all the nerves have gathered there and I was distracted by the fingertips that are still entwined.
I felt that I would be in trouble if he kept asking me 'why', so I hurriedly looked for another topic of conversation.
Kate: "...I was wondering, why didn't we go in through the entrance?"
William: "Hm? Oh, that...."
William: "Maybe it's because I love the garden in the rain."
(You love.....?)
William, without any hesitation, speaks of liking as the reason for his actions.
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If he loves something or someone, he will protect it. If he hates someone, he won't forgive and punish it.
He will not make excuses for anything other than his own desires.
(Like William......I wish I could pick something without hesitation and say, 'I like it, I want it' )
(If I could live like that.....would I like myself more?)
William: "Besides, I wasn't in the mood to flood the entrance and cause a ruckus at the castle."
Kate: "......Surely, if we go home looking like this, it would be a big deal"
If we had returned to the castle from the entrance, the servants would have rushed to us in panic.
(.....Thank god or I would have had to let go of this hand if we did)
(Is it because I'm embarrassed or........is there some other reason)
William: "I'll take you back to your room. It's gonna get colder the more we stay outside."
.......
The sound of rain dances, along with our wet footsteps that echoes in the empty corridor.
(....Soon, we'll reach my room)
At the thought, my legs suddenly felt heavy and my walking rhythm lagged behind.
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William: ".....Kate?"
Kate: "Ah, sorry...."
I quickly walked forward to catch up to William, who had stopped a little ahead of me.
(We need to get back to our rooms, change and get warm or else both of us will catch a cold)
We stopped in front of the familiar door of my room.
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William: "......"
(I have to leave his hands to open my door)
(.....I know, but why is my body so heavy?)
William: ".....Do you not want to go in?"
Kate: "No......"
(Oh, I haven't thanked you properly yet for what you did yesterday and today)
(That must be why it's so hard to say goodbye)
Kate: "Thank you for bringing me to my room."
Kate: "And thank you for taking me to the ward today and.....for what you said to me yesterday."
Kate: "And thank you for everything!"
William: "I did what I wanted. You don't owe me a thank you."
Kate: ".....Still, I want to thank you."
(You, at that time.....)
-----FLASHBACK-----
William: "Just because you couldn't save them, doesn't mean you have to kill yourself. Kate."
William: "Haven't you had enough of punishing yourself?"
-----FLASHBACK ENDS-----
(For giving me forgiveness that I don't have to kill my voice anymore)
(No. That's not all. Long before that....)
-----FLASHBACK-----
William: "You're the only one who can hear your heart and give it voice, Kate."
-----FLASHBACK ENDS------
(Because you kept listening to the voice in my heart that I was killing)
(My heart could start moving again)
Kate: "Because you made me....like myself a little bit more"
(No matter how dangerous or distant he may be......this fact remains)
William: "A little' you're being so humble."
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William: "I like you very much now. You are much more attractive than when we first met."
Kate: ".....Mm."
(Neither the words 'attractive' nor 'I like you' means anything)
(Because I'm sure he says that..........to everyone......)
Kate: "......Thank you."
William: "You're welcome?"
He tilts his head in a funny way, and drops of rain trickle down from his silver hair to his cheeks.
My eyes follow his body, lured by the drops that trace the contours and slide down to his neck.
I had a feeling that some terrible urge was crawling up and I opened my mouth in a hurry.
Kate: "Well, I'll just...."
(Quick, let go of his hands!)
William: "Yeah. Make sure you don't catch a cold."
(Ah.....)
William's hand, which had been clasped, suddenly loosens.
Instantly, an impulse burned in my chest.
(I hate it)
(I still don't wanna let go)
His red eyes were so absorbing that my lips were laced with his.
Slight heat is generated from the cold overlapping lips.
Warm, soft, wet.
And also sweet.....
William: "..........Mm......"
(.......!?)
I came back to myself in a flash as my breath overflowed.
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Kate: ".......Ah........"
William: "........"
Our gazes entwine at the closest distance we have ever been.
Immediately, my whole body became blisteringly hot.
Kate: "I-I...."
(Why did I kiss him all of a sudden.....?)
Kate: "Ah...I...that...! I didn't ....."
When I tried to back away, my legs got tangled and I stumbled but something held me up.
I realized after a beat that it was William's hand around my waist.
(Ah.....?)
The numbness that ran through my legs was so sweet that I felt the strength drain from my legs.
Kate: "I-I'm so sorry...."
William: "......What for?"
Kate: "Because I....because I...."
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William: "You don't want to?"
Kate: "Ah....."
His fingertips trace the contours of my confused face.
As if inviting, at a distance that seems to touch but doesn't.
(Why are you asking me that?)
(You said it before)
(Kissing someone without consent.....is an unforgivable sin)
Willaim: "............"
His gaze expects an answer from 'me.'
He's asking me if I really know what I'm doing and if I'm really making the 'right' choice.
(I don't know)
(I don't know I don't know)
Kate: "I.....I can't be myself....when I'm around you...."
He pours in something that could neither be medicine nor poison.
It's like it melts into my body and before I knew it, it had remade me.
It brings out desires I didn't even know I had.
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Kate: "I'm not the kind of person.....who would do something like this....."
William: "........Is it a 'good' thing or 'bad' thing?"
William gives me another testing look and asks me.
He is waiting for me to answer and for me to pick and choose.
Kate: "......I don't know."
William: "Hmmm?"
Kate: "That's why....."
-----FLASHBACK-----
William: "You can learn what's good for you and what's not....you just have to remember with your body."
-----FLASHBACK ENDS-----
Kate: "I don't know yet...."
Kate: '.....So please teach me."
William: ".......Mmhm, sure."
I took his smiling lips, this time of my own volition.
I am sure he saw right through me from the beginning.
(William is dangerous)
(But I am.....so drawn to him)
(I'm so afraid of getting lost and losing my way back)
(From the moment we met, all the way through)
Chapter 11
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zeroducks-2 · 1 year ago
Note
Could I ask for a number 10 or 21?? Whatever you want. Both sound insane for sladick. <3
10. "Don't you dare" + 21. "Say my name" - Dick Grayson/Slade Wilson
(TW drowning, non-descriptive torture)
Waterboarding isn't the type of torture that should be attempted by amateurs, given that everything can go very wrong in a matter of seconds.
Dick is well capable of holding his breath underwater for more than five minutes. Not that much more than five minutes, but still. And it's probably because of it that his "interviewer" gets a bit overexcited, and decides to just... hold his head into the metal vat, without letting him up. At all. Dick makes a show of thrashing and trying to kick after less than ninety seconds, but it doesn't work and the asshole clubs him at the base of his back, strong enough for something in his pelvis to break, and Dick's focus is gone.
Water starts getting in his lungs and panic is quick to set in, but adrenaline fuels his burning muscles as Dick forcefully emerges with a snap, nape colliding with that fucker's face accompanied by the telltale crack of a nose breaking. And just like that he's out of the water but he still can't breathe. Regardless of how much he tries to cough and hack, his lungs stay full and it's with more rising panic that he realizes to be suffocating on the floor of the interrogation room.
He doesn't really feel it when someone lifts him up and cuts the rope around his wrists, he just registers that his arms now are free and there's pressure just below his rib-cage, then nothing, then a blow that forces him to bend over and expel a mouthful of water.
«Don't you dare.» A snarl comes from behind his back, then there's another blow to his upper abdomen, upsetting his already broken ribs, and Dick would likely scream if it wasn't that there is no room for air in his lungs. More water comes out. «Don't you fucking dare, kid. Breathe.»
Dick tries his best, fumbling for air and managing a strangled cry when more pressure forces him to cough, and finally he manages to gasp and draw a sliver of air in.
Again he's not sure exactly what happens after that, but at some point he's being held against someone's side, still mildly coughing but he's pretty sure he isn't going to die at this point. He chances a look around and sees the man who was interrogating him; he's lying face down in a pool of blood, and Dick's eyes narrow, he can't have killed him. He broke his nose, didn't he? But just that, the man shouldn't be dead. What the hell.
«There you are.»
Dick's head gets pulled up as he's held more upright, and he manages to sit up with a grunt, ignoring the pain all over. He frowns at the black and orange of the man's mask, and his addled brain puts together that Deathstroke is the one who killed Dick's torturer; all that blood comes from a bullet in the head, not a stupid broken nose. «Look up here.» There's a quiet hiss of smoke and then the man's helmet goes, showing gray hair and a sharp blue eye. Dick winces at his frown and looks away, but the other snaps his fingers and makes him reflexively look back. «Say my name.»
«Hn. Slade.» He croaks, but a moment later he's surprised to see the man's expression distend in relief.
«Yeah.» Slade roughly runs a hand through his damp hair on the nape, and weird as it is to acknowledge it, holds him tighter for a moment. «You're okay.»
«Were you... hah... doubting it...?» He rasps out, forcing a grin, and the man replies with a glare.
«What the hell came into you.» Slade pinches his chin with his usual "no arguments" tone, his glower staying. «I'm the one who decides when you work alone and when not. You were not supposed to take initiative.»
«What are you gonna do?» Dick coughs, having to turn around to expel more water. Slade lets him, helping him stay up in the process. «...punish me?»
«You know very well that I should.»
That's what Slade would normally do for a job badly done. It hasn't happened in a while though, and it's not like Dick remembers it fondly, but also... well, he kind of thinks he deserves it, because he really did mess up this time. He's gotten himself captured, to name one. Fledgling nonsense, that's what this is. At least he didn't speak a word and revealed absolutely nothing, even if it resulted in almost an entire week of starvation, a leg broken in two parts, a dislocated shoulder, contusions over the entirety of his back...
«Did they-» Slade narrows his eye and a flash passes through it, something wild that in another situation would make Dick wary. «Did they touch you...?»
Dick knows what that means. He shakes his head, not that it would change the fate of the people who captured him. He knows they're all dead already, or anyway they will be soon. But... at least it can help Slade's peace of mind. It's going to take a bit more convincing though, given the searching stare and the way the man grips him tight. Dick sighs and it sounds wet like he's had a chest infection, and tightens both hands on the man's biceps, forcing his swollen left arm to move.
«They didn't.» He says, trying to sound as assured as he can. «They didn't, Slade, I swear. They just beat me up. They wanted to know about you but they didn't make it personal... just this one,» he nods to the body of the man who went this close to drowning him. «I guess he had a few screws loose. But the others were, heh... pretty professional.»
The lines of Slade's face remain hard but there's something that unspools in his expression, Dick can tell. «Alright.» He concedes, touching a thumb to Dick's cheek subtly and briefly enough that Dick isn't sure he hasn't imagined it. «Now let's get out of here.»
Thank you for asking anon ♥ Here's the prompt list for whoever wants to peruse it, or send me another prompt :)
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themculibrary · 9 months ago
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Bucky And Natasha (Winterwidow) Masterlist 2
part one
Burn With Me (ao3) - MissMorwen E, 48k
Summary: “What year do you think this is?” The Soldier looked like he was ready to bolt.
Natalia’s mouth was dry despite the water she’d drunk so recently. This was bad. Very bad. “I don’t know.” It came out as a whisper. Her body buzzed as if it was filled with static. As if she was a snow globe that someone had shaken so hard that the falling snow had turned into a blizzard, making it impossible to see the object within.
“Fuck.” He said for the second time. Apparently noticing her reaction, he stepped closer, grasping the railing of her bed with both hands. “You’re safe. This isn’t the Red Room, no one’s gonna punish you or anything for a wrong answer, but Christ, Romanoff…” He trailed off.
-
Natasha loses her memories during a fight and while everyone around her wants to help her recover them, she only trusts one person: Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier.
dead ones walking (ao3) - shewritesall T, 5k
Summary: Tangling his fingers through her hair, he gently lifted her face up until he could see her again. Her eyes were closed tightly in pain and her lips were dripping with blood, and panic filled him like never before. She'd die before they got out, he realized and suddenly he was much more amenable to Hydra's demand.
"I'll do whatever you want," he snarled, turning to them with Natalia still in his arms. "If you save her life, I'll do it. Whatever you want."
Golden Locks, Silver arms (ao3) - Caspinn, kalkoenvsneoklak bucky/natasha, howard/maria, pepper/tony, clint/bobbi, peggy/daniel M, 52k
Summary: Before she was known as Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow and member of the Avengers, Natalia Alianovna Romanova was an assassin. Trained to kill at a very young age, Natalia is considered the best asset at the Red Room. Getting the chance to train under the Winter Soldier must be one of the best opportunities for her. And indeed, both their lives change because of it. Though, if it's for the better? That's up to debate.
Go Ugly Early (ao3) - just_another_tinker steve/tony, clint/phil, bucky/natasha E, 252k
Summary: He’s The Captain?
This was not good. This was so not good.
There were theories of course, of what The Captain would look like. Most followed the typical Hollywoodesque belief that he was some version of the Godfather, sitting in a dark room with a cigar, commanding his forces with a flick of his wrist. There were even some that even thought that The Captain was not one person, but a whole network of people with eyes and ears everywhere.
The blonde Adonis in front of him was definitely not what Tony was expecting.
Of course, in the end it didn’t matter.
There was a reason no one knew what The Captain looked like.
Because anyone who saw his face never lived to tell the tale.
Heart Full Of Bullets (ao3) - Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye) T, 12k
Summary: When Kate brings Yelena a piece of strange tech, Bucky figures out how it works. The consequences of his choices are going to be anyone's guess.
Help I'm Alive (ao3) - IronSwordStarShield (SweetFanfics) steve/tony, bucky/natasha T, 57k
Summary: Bucky moves silently, following Stark to his car. He presses the gun muzzle lightly against the base of Stark’s neck causing the man to start and freeze.
“Didn’t think anyone would be stupid enough to try and hold me at gunpoint. Least of all in the basement of my own office building.”
“I’m not going to hurt you. I just want your help.”
“You’ve got a funny way of doing that. Most people use the suggestion box.”
In a blink, Bucky’s pulled the gun away, flipped it on his finger, and turned it around so that Stark can grab it if he wants. In another, he moves to stand in Stark’s line of sight. Dark eyes flit from his face, to the gun, and back at his face.
“I’m a funny guy,” Bucky answers dryly, letting the gun drop from his hand and onto the ground between Stark’s polished shoes.
--
Where Bucky decides to go to Tony for help instead of staying on the run. Friendships are formed, tested, strengthened, along with romances.
Hold My Hand Through This (ao3) - ap_marvel T, 7k
Summary: “I’m the only person in your life you can technically call a friend,” Natasha countered with a snort. “You haven’t left this… Place you call an apartment, in a week. I mean, seriously,” she scoffed, looking around at the bare walls. “It looks like you’re squatting here.”
He rubbed a hand over his face with a tired sigh. “I didn’t exactly get to choose the upholstery when they gave me the keys.”
“How horrible of them.”
I See Red (ao3) - spinachgarden T, 1k
Summary: Every day is a perfect day.
He wakes up with her in his arms, a faceful of red hair, smooth skin under his fingertips. For a blissful, quiet moment, everything is red, red like her hair, red like the moment right before the sun slips below the horizon on a perfect night, red like a fire in the fireplace, warm down to his bones, defrosting some of his winter. She fits perfectly against him like a puzzle piece, their jagged edges smoothing out into a beautiful picture, a picture of fall leaves and crisp air, of cool mornings and warm afternoons, right before the world turns icy again.
I Think We Need Each Other (ao3) - nataliasromanoff N/R, 27k
Summary: Natasha doesn’t want to work with him.
Bucky doesn’t want to work with her.
But they have orders and a disgruntled boss and a high profile target that just might make these next few weeks worth it. The job, exactly?
Marital bliss.
Supposedly.
AU where Natasha and Bucky are partnered up for a mission neither of them want to be on. There's arguing, insults, anger, and the constant, irresistible urge to rearrange the angle of someone's nose. But it's when Bucky gets horribly injured does Natasha realize that she might need him more than she thinks.
June Hymn (ao3) - EliotRosewater T, 3k
Summary: After a mission, Bucky and Natalia met up at a safe house to wait for extraction.
normal people stuff (ao3) - buries T, 5k
Summary: Bucky and Natasha team up for their most intense mission yet: they’re moving into their very own house.
Of Felines, Fistfights, and Falling in Love (ao3) - Green_Angst_And_Ham T, 14k
Summary: James Buchanan Barnes is no longer the Winter Soldier.
James Buchanan Barnes is still very much capable of murder.
And right now, he’s weighing the pros and cons of it in his mind. Maybe he’d be able to explain himself to Dr. Raynor. Convince her that a slight relapse was justified given the circumstances.
Because what is Sam Wilson thinking, leaving a cat on his doorstep.
(Or: Unexpected cat acquisition leads to the reunion of everyone’s favorite ex-Hydra disaster couple).
Stone Cold Sober (ao3) - MedeaV E, 13k
Summary: It sinks in only then that he woke up in bed naked with Natasha, Natasha who is basically his mentor, his supervising officer, informally, precisely because she doesn't have the attachment to him Steve has- oh, thinking about last night really hurts. Natasha gets up, not bothering with her pants, and he blushes because he just blatantly stared at her ass, she throws one more look at the floor, clutching her clothes to her chest, and then she stumbles out, door falling shut behind her.
He groans, burying his eyes in the pit of his elbow, feeling for the blanket blindly, resolving to deal with anything else later.
That's MY Bucky Bear! (ao3) - emma98 steve/darcy, bucky/natasha T, 120k
Summary: Steve Rogers and Darcy Lewis didn't exactly get along. In fact, when they were within a stone's throw of one another, they were often bickering. If you asked Steve, it was because Darcy couldn't manage to not get herself kidnapped every other week. And if you asked Darcy, it was because Steve was a giant douchewagon.
Leave it to Natasha and Bucky to bring them together for their own personal reasons and enjoyment. But when Steve and Darcy turn from bickering adults into bickering children (with incredibly foul mouths), it turns out the joke is on Mother Russia's finest.
Through the Darkness Shines a Light (ao3) - orphan_account T, 4k
Summary: Life might've been just a collection of moments, but she'd been on the run for long enough. Maybe this one could last a bit longer for a change. - Natasha and Bucky try to cherish what they have as long as it lasts, with the end of the world just around the corner.
Together, we'll both be warmer (ao3) - MedeaV E, 12k
Summary: He already knew he liked her. What he didn't know was that as soon as she acted like she really likes him, he'd jump on it like a hungry wolf, regardless that it's just for a cover. Willful blindness. And now that they're probably about to die, he maybe overreacts a little.
When We Were Young (ao3) - Xi_khaleesi E, 128k
Summary: It is 2002, 18 year old Natasha Romanova is looking her graduation from the Red Room in the eyes. Fear isn't what she should be feeling. Madame has broken her of that habit. Someone has given her a reason to be afraid now.
James doesn't remember anything. Only that he's woken up, metal arm in tow and the newest member of an underground Soviet academy to train super soldiers. He's been the only successful one of the five. The only thing that really has mattered is the girl with red hair who's made him forget to breathe.
Natasha and James encounter each other many times, each time reminds them how hard it is to deny feelings they've been told to not have.
Worse Before It's Better (ao3) - All_InProcess T, 4k
Summary: After managing to rescue him and get him to a safehouse, Natasha sets about the most challenging part of the situation: convincing Bucky to let himself be comforted and taken care of.
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donnerpartyofone · 9 months ago
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So what happened yesterday was, I had stupidly run out of the methylphenidate ER dose that I'm currently on, and decided to take two of the lower dose that I had left over from before. (Ironically I completely flaked on a doctor's appointment for the first time in my life when I was supposed to get the current script refilled, I just got so sick I forgot what was happening, but if you're going to flake on a doctor's appointment I guess it might as well be an ADHD appointment) I thought that the "slightly higher" dose from the two pills wouldn't bother me, I mean I've taken drugs before, but about half way through the day I was suddenly struck with a jarring, physical panic. Fortunately my blood pressure cuff thing didn't say I had to rush to the hospital, but I remained on high alert for the rest of the day and night, which may have colored my perception of what happened.
(don't get too excited, it's just weird)
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I took the ferry to see my friend's demonic horror movie (the ferry is a highly underrated form of local transit, it is awesome especially on a rainy night), which was cute, and I love being at the movies even though you always run the risk that other people will taint your experience. Even the religious dogma of the Alamo Drafthouse doesn't stop people from being assholes, and sure enough as soon as a couple of young women (early 20s? idk) sat next down next to me, I started to smell this hot, spitty, artificial sweetener smell, and I realized oh no this bitch is chewing gum. I have a good amount of misophonia and gum is my enemy in any circumstance, but the girl was fully snapping the gum and blowing bubbles for the first 15-20 minutes of the movie. (She had to get rid of it when their cookies arrived) That was a tough one because even if I were the kind of broad who picks fights with strangers, it would be hard to win a fight about chewing in a business that is serving food...but anyway when the server came through to get them situated, they had some sort of altercation that left them both in hysterics. The second the lights came back on they both started ranting about how the server was sooo mean to them because apparently when they sat down one of them took her shoes off, and she was told to put them back on. This girl is going "I'M GONNA LOOK THAT UP AND SEE IF IT'S A REAL RULE! I BET IT'S NOT EVEN A RULE!" as if "no shirt no shoes no service" hasn't been a national punchline for decades and it's just a random and petty punishment that certain eateries uphold to be perverse. I guess also when the guy asked to pre-swipe a card for them so they wouldn't have to pay in the middle of the movie they didn't understand him and that made them mad, and then they were mad that he put the cookies on "the wrong table" (the one between them) as if they weren't both eating them. Like ok guys, I was young once, I too have been rude and been mildly corrected by an adult and been so humiliated that I had to make up a big story about how the adult is an insane person who hates me personally. I was 12 once, too. But holy shit you are old enough to get into this late R-rated movie, do your parents usually take you or what the fuck is your problem?
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So as I was leaving I looked up the best way to get home (too late for ferry) and the apps were all giving me a big red Storm Warning warning that I had never seen before and suggesting that trains were running very irregularly or not at all until tomorrow. Outside it was warm and misty, not remotely as stormy as it had been when I arrived. What was going on? I got lost going to what was supposed to be the station with the earliest train, went into the station with the MOST trains, and just decided to just take whatever train came first going in the vaguely-right direction. The world outside the theater seemed to have become very apocalyptic while I was in there, and I was intensely watching my back. When I saw a tall thin woman all in black shuffling down the platform, I did a double take; my first impression was that her face was covered in blood. When I looked again I saw that she had bright red, very wet makeup of some kind smeared from her nose to her chin. The rest of her face was covered in a similar substance that was pitch black. She was not white, is the only other detail I was sure of. I couldn't evaluate the situation. Is this a performance? Is she dangerous? Is she in danger? What should I do? My train came before I could figure it out.
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gif by @brody75 stupid tumblr wouldn't give it to me normally
A few stops later, the apps said that I should go outside and get a bus that would come in 25 minutes. Ugh, but at least it's coming. As soon as I got outside the apps said that I should have stayed underground and taken another train that was coming in 1 minute. I couldn't even run back in for that because the machine had done something fucked up to my card when I tried to refill it and I was forced to use the transfer for the bus, oh fucking well. So I'm waiting for the bus and I see this other bus coming from the opposite direction with its display flashing "EMERGENCY - CALL 911". I've been living here for a long time and I had never seen anything like that. Was it a real instruction for me? Or was it one of our cop-obsessed mayor's many advertisements for the cops that seem to be everywhere, constantly telling you where are the nearest cops to every location and how you should go find them and give them something to do? The bus pulled up to its stop across the street and I could see that there was just one passenger on it. It seemed scary. A load of people got on at that stop, I wanted to think at least one of them had a uniform on but I wasn't sure. At that moment my bus pulled up. I let everybody else on first and then I told the driver, "That bus across the street is flashing a CALL 911 sign." I thought he would know what to do. Drivers seem to look out for each other. He just stared at me. It was the blankest stare I'd ever seen. He didn't move and he didn't make a sound. I repeated myself and I pointed "That one, over there, is he ok?" ...or whatever I said, I was kind of freaking out. He just nodded, once, and kept staring at me. Then he put it in drive and I sat down.
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also @brody75
I had wanted to spend all night working on this project I'm under deadline for--I might as well with all the extra amphetamines in my system--but I could no longer concentrate. I felt like I was in Jacob's fucking Ladder. I also felt like a complete asshole for not helping anyone. I don't know. I never know what to do. I'm constantly getting lost and I have no money and I'm small and clumsy and I don't feel safe with strangers and I don't automatically trust cops and I'm also fairly stupid and cowardly and I don't know how anything works. It's hard for me to imagine taking charge of any situation even when it seems like the choice should be obvious because of instructions or just decency. Also when you start helping people when do you stop? I often think of this standup bit by [cancelled comedian I don't want to argue about] where he describes a younger relative visiting him in the city for the first time, and she's shocked by the first really dire homeless person she sees in Port Authority. She goes rushing over to him and when the comedian stops her she says, "You mean he doesn't need our help?" and he says "Oh no, he needs you desperately! We just don't do that here." And I mean yes, ha ha cynicism, but it's more like how do you even begin to deal with individual instances of a problem that is so huge and ubiquitous that even the large support systems in place can barely handle it. One time in the dead of winter I posted a picture of a pigeon that was so puffed up it was hilariously huge and spherical, and someone scolded me about how "that's a baby" and if I see it again I should transport it to a rehab center. They obviously didn't understand the scale of the photo and must have mistaken the puffery for juvenile down, but it's also like, if I start helping pigeons when will it stop? I've helped a number of animals either get out of a snag or get to rehab when they were obviously incapacitated or sick, but if I lowered my threshold of intervention to "a pigeon that looks cold or uncomfortable", it would never end. Technically probably every rat and pigeon in the city needs some kind of medical attention, they say rats here have diseases that haven't even been identified by science, but what's the actual, rational response for individual citizens?
Anyway I have totally ruined my own weird freaky spooky one-crazy-night anecdote with this awkward musing about what people are supposed to do for each other, and I have made it very clear that I am terrible in an emergency and do not help people. And I'm already imagining arguments with tumblr randos who are always handing out authoritative ethical advice about what to do in every situation, in a way that reveals that they have no real life experience of their own. And now I need to like get to my stupid telehealth visit with the doctor I flaked on last week, and stop being insane, and go back to work. I don't really know why I write these things down. I guess I must have to.
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safetycar-restart · 2 years ago
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I imagine that Max cg/dom would just start giving him dume/Illogical punishments. When he Insist he get a one like.
Dom: fine if you insist on a punishment i'll give you one uh...you cant have.. uh raisinss of a week mister
Max: but Mommy i don't like raisinss. I don't think we have any in the house.
Dom: Well I guess it doesn't matter you cant have any.
And other stuff he do mot like in sub/litte space and more random stuff like no watergun fights in the dead of winter or no horre movies of a month
Or mabye making him write. I am a good boy and don't need to be punisht or I will not blame myself for somting I have no control over. On paper by hand like 20 times so that he dose not forget
Sorry for my bad english/gammer mistakes. English is not my first language and I'm very dyslexi.
Sony worry about your English anon!!! I can understand what you meant by this ask and that’s all that counts. And I absolutely love this idea. I'm gonna make this in the d/s au because of max's history of his bad past dom in that au, cause I think that makes the most sense here.
Firstly, the ridiculous punishments start when max requests a punishment for something that he absolutely doesn't deserve a punishment for. Maybe he made a mistake in quali? He still got on the front row, and as far as you're concerned he did amazing, but he missed pole position because he had to abandon his last flying lap from running wide and he thinks he needs to be punished.
His old dom would have punished for him that, and his dad would have called his old dom to confirm that he received a good enough punishment.
But it's completely different with you.
With you, rather than berate him when he got out the car, you immediately hugged him close and asked if he was okay, praising him for trying his best and making sure he isnt beating himself up too hard for his mistake.
It's such a sharp contrast to what he's used to and he has no idea what to do about it.
He doesn't get much time with you until after media, and even then he doesn't know what to do. He should be being punished right now, but instead you're trying your best to comfort him and he doesn't know what to do because he doesn't think he deserves this.
So he panics and called the safeword even though you aren't scening. You step back of course, asking him what's wrong and that's when he just babbles about how he needs to be punished.
You tell him that for the next week, he's not allowed to drink any almond milk. Max HATES almond milk.
He looks at you in confusion, reminding you that he hates that and you just smile and nod, telling him that it doesn't matter. That's his punishment.
You explain to him that he is getting the punishment he deserves, because he doesn't deserve an actual punishment for making a genuine mistake on track.
It takes a long time for that message to really hit home, but you stick with the ridiculous punishments the entire time.
I also think that making him write lines like that is the perfect punishment for when he really does need to be punished, like when he talks bad about himself or breaks one of the self care rules.
Often he'll end up crying as he writes, because you always make sure that what he has to write is something that he really needs to hear and it's always so difficult for him.
You always sit with him while he writes, letting him take breaks whenever he needs to and offering him plenty of cuddles and kisses, praising him for doing so well and promising him that he'll be forgiven once he finishes his lines.
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tiktokonaclock · 1 year ago
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The Siren and the Demon Chapter 5
“Kazarina, who…" he asked after he erased the confusion off his face. His expression Shifted towards anger as he finished asking his question: “Who did this to you?"
Kazaring exhaled. "I... I will explain everything to to you. I Just- “ She took another step and Collapsed into his arms. She had reached to safety, and she let herself go like he was an casis in the desert.
She felt his arms around her, holding her tightly. He kneeled with her, keeping her from hitting her head, Then he looked around in panic, Luckily no one had seen them in that State.
He picked her up and pulled her in, closing the door after to protect them, her, from prying eyes. Then he put her on the armchair.
She was slowly coming back to her senses. She monitored the room, it was Surprisingly nice and tidy for a man. The man in the question however, had dissapeared. She looked around. Where was he?
Then he walked into the bedroom with a glass of water and a little smile on his Face. He sat down next to her and offered the glass. "Here.”
"Thanks" She murmured and drank her water.
“Wanna tell me what happened ?" She could never have guessed how soft his voice can be.
"Well I- I got punished. By the emperor.”
“Why? What did you do?"
“It was more for the things I couldn't do." She Sighed. "I can't help but feeling underrated in this Job. Honestly.”
Gill laughed slowly. "I know how that goes.”
Kazarina straightened up. "Which is ridicilous because you and I…" her finger pointed at him and herself "are critical for this team, for this whole establishment to work out. I'm not trying to degrade the others, don't get me wrong. They are important as well. But in the end of the day, everything depends on you and me. Like, imagine we died tomorrow.”
“Or decided to resign.”
“Or decided to resign, everything would stop. You are commanding the entire army. I have the Stratagizing, the hypnosis, the bio research. Ha, do you know how hard it is to hypnotize all these people? I get headaches every night, I Feel Faint all the time.“
“Yes, if you use your powers too much you get Side effects, right?"
“Not if you use them deliberately." Gill leaned backwards. He put his right hand up.
"Look, I have known Barodius since we were both children. He.. he does not show appreciation For the things you do for him if does not get what he wants from you in the end. Because he always got what he wanted, everything was handed to him whenever he asked, And he never had to sacrifice anything for it. This is what he still expects From the world.”
“And you?" Kazarina asked slowly, lke she was in a dream. "What did you have to Sacrifice?"
Ironically, the door was knocked on that Very moment. Gill paniced. "I'll be night back." He said as he got up, trying to mask his panic. Kazarina realized that he kept the door mostly closed, and covered the part he had to keep open with his body.
She could hear what he was Saying, but she could not hear the other person, no matter how much she tried:
“Hey, Uh... Actually I have someone in there right now. Is it urgent? No? Great. Yeah, I would like to catch up, it's Just.. Look, here's what we gonna do, you leave the palace, go sit in a cafe and send me the location, all right? I'll come as Soon as I am done here. Okay, bye."
He came back to his seat, much more relieved. He crossed his legs.
Kazarina arched an eyebrow. “Are you comfortable sharing who that was?”
“No"
“Will you at least tell if it is your significant Other?”
“It is not my Significant other.”
“OK then, Excuse my curiousity.”
“You are excused.” He turned his head towards her seat. “I do not have a significant other.”
Kazarina slowly Smiled. "Good for you.”
“Do you have one?"
“No." She laughed. "Are you gonna ask me out on a date Gill?"
“Pfft, No."
“That's a shame. Because I was about to ask you out on a date."
“You Funny girl.”
“I am serious.” She sighed. “They Just let me know that I have won the Minerva award in Biology.”
“Minerva Award, like, the Minerva Award?"
“Yes, Gil. The Minerva Award.”
“Kazarina, that's amazing.”
With a fake humbleness, Kazarina shook her head. “I mean, I was expecting it, sooner or later." She shruged her shoulders. "I was planning on asking the emperor to be my date, but alas.”
“I can be your date. I mean, you know- instead of going alone, you can go with me.”
“Hmm" She playfully looked at him from head to foot, measuring it. Finally, she thrusted out her hand. "Deal.”
“Deal." He said and shook her hand. “Your hand is so cold. Are you cold?” Without waiting for an answer, he took off his cape and put it over her shoulders. "Here.”
She was going to reject it. Truly. She was. But she didn't. Instead, she tried to hide the fact that she started to smell the back of the cape's neck. Thankfully, his head was turned to the wardrobe, trying to pick an outfit. "What's the dress code by the way?" He asked. "For the ceremony, I mean?”
“Huh? Oh- it's white tie. Really Formal. But isn't it a little early to pick an outfit now?”
“Im gonna go out now.”
She got on her Feet. “Oh, right. Sorry. I should get going.”
“Sorry, I can't cancel this."
“It's fine, I'm So much better now.” She made a move to take off the cape but Gill stopped him.
"You can Keep it. I can take it tomorrow.”
“OK then.”
He escorted her out, they stood on the doorstep. “It's on the day after tomorrow.” She Smiled. "You can pick me up at 7pm."
“Consider it done.”
After a moment of silence, she hugged him.
“Thank you. "She murmured as she put her hands around him. He Sighed.
“We still hate each other, night?"
Kazarina hesitated for a moment before answering: "I'd still kick your ass.”
“I am counting on it."
They Shared a laugh, And as Kazarina walked out the door, She started to blush.
I told to sit in a cafe, not a bar.”
Gill said as he looked down at the table.
Zenet locked eyes with him. With the slighest Smile on her Face, she showed the chair in Front of her with her eyes. He followed the silent order and sat down.
At least she was Smart enough to sit in a table on the garden Side of the bar, so they could hear each other.
Zenet took the cigarete which was standing in the ashtray and dragged its sweet-smelling smoke.
“Are you smoking?!” He asked. He sounded mad.
“Only when I am nervous. " Zenet answered. “I'd offer you one, but I bought Just two loosies.”
“We banned the sale of single cigarettes.”Gill said. "We also banned the flavoured ones.”
“Because you Just have to interfere with People’s lives, don't you?”
“We did it so literal children would not be be smoking." He pointed at her.
“Oh, now you are interested in protecting kids?”
Unfortunetly, Gill knew from whom she got this wit. He sighed. "Where did you buy that?” He asked With a much calmer tone.
“Yeah, I am not telling you that.” She put out the cigarette steeply. "There, Can we please change the subject?” She took a sip out of her cocktail. "You literally kicking me out could be a great subject.”
Gill put his hand up to get the waitress’ attention. "Can I have a whisky on the rocks?”
“Coming right up.”
Zenet bit her lip and stared at her drink. “Look, I know you don't know where to put me in your life. Hell, I have no idea Where to put you in my life either. But it was straight-up rude for you to kick me out like that.”
He leaned on to the table. “Zenet, you know I can't always prioritize you. You know my line of work.”
“I know you can't prioritize me, that's why I showed up in the middle of the night!”
“I- Gill Shut his lips as soon as he realized the waitress. They waited in silence as she served him the drink and left.
“You act like you haven't done the Very Same thing." He put his right up on his ear and started to imitate her: "Oh, I can't talk right now. I m with my friends, I'm drunk, Sorry my Friend picked It up instead of me"
Zenet gritted her teeth. "Would you prefer I picked it up in front Of everyone?”
“No. And that's exactly why I Kicked you out. I had Someone in there.”
“You could have given me a heads up about your new girlfriend then.”
Gill's face expression shifted towards anger. “It was not my girlfriend!”
“Who else could you be hanging out with at this hour?!”
“It's none of your business, Zenet!”
“Fine." Zenet said after a few Seconds of Silence. “ If you tend to have such important guests over, I won't show up unannounced again.”
“Zenet." Gill sighed. "We can't Just tell everyone that you are my daughter. It will be damaging for both of us. Everyone will think I got you into the team. They will call you a nepo baby, that you are inadequate.”
Zenet looked around, pretending to be looking Out for her friends. "There is no one else left to call me that. You got rid of them all to save your own image. That's what it is all about, isn't it? Your image. You dont care about anything else."
“That’s not true.”
"It is. That's why you left me in that orphanage all those years ago.”
“Zenet, the previous emperor was not like the one we have now. He was a bigoted puritian. I-“
"That's why you chose to build... this for yourself. Your career, your position. You Couldn't have both so you chose it over me. Don't look at me like that, you know it is true.”
“Is this your idea of catching up? Pointing fingers at me? I was young, I made mistake, and couldn't find a better way to clean up the mess.”
She was the mistake. She was the mess that needed to be cleaned up.
“I couldn't let them find out that I had a bas-“ He stopped himself. "Illegitimate daughter.”
Zenet stered at him blankly for a second. Then she started to laugh. Her laugh became more hysterical with each passing moment untill she forcefully stopped herself. "I am not gonna tell anyone that I am your daughter. Trust me.. Because I don't want you to be my father, to be honest. It is kind of emberassing."
Her expression hardened on her face, her voice got a more serious tone: "You had your chance on building things up to lift yourself to the top. Now it is my turn. And you will provide me with the chance, you at least owe me that.”
“What do you want?”
Take me with you on your next mission, instead of Ren.”
“That will only shorten your lifespan, Zenet."
“What do yo mean?”
“You can't manage to do what your teammates couldn't. You'll lose to the brawlers, and end up like them.”
“Yeah, that's why I need to go with you instead of Kazarina.”
"Zenet, you don't get any priviliages Just because you are my daughter.
"What-what do you mean?” She asked slowly. Her eyes widened. “You'll let me die like that?”
Their identical eyes locked and neither of them spoke.
She already knew the answer, and she was terrified of it.
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newwwwusername · 2 years ago
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i love ur owl house works! i have never done a request before, but here's my suggestion: autistic hunter struggling with his motor skills and frustrating himself, you can fill in the blanks. i am autistic and lack motor skills and have never seen that addressed in autistic hunter fics and i know I'll love whatever you come up with
Chronology : During the timeskip at the beginning of 3x01 Pairings : Camila & Hunter, Camila & Luz Headcanon : Autistic!Hunter with motor issues because of it Author's note : I've talked about this before but it's rare for me to get especially excited a request and this is one of the ones where as soon as I read it I got fuckin HYPED. I also lack refined motor skills, which I've written about with other characters and fandoms before but not Hunter I don't think so here we are
Camila really hadn't asked that much of him. She'd given a very simple chore. Hunter, can you sweep up the kitchen floor, please? she'd asked, and he was eager to help, too.
So, why was this so miserable?
It wasn't that he didn't understand the function of the broom, his hands just didn't want to cooperate. He'd seen Camila and Luz and Vee all do this task before with relative ease. What was wrong with him?
Naturally, his anxiety began to build as he struggled and failed to do the one, simple task he'd been given. Memories of similar instances flew through his head- Times where Belos would give him a simple task and he'd mess it up because his hands didn't work. Those times were always met with severe punishment, so-
"Hunter?" Camila asked as she walked back into the kitchen, only to find the floor barely swept. "Can you finish sweeping, please?" she asked patiently. Hunter wanted to cry. "I'm gonna be making dinner here soon"
"Sorry, I'm sorry" he replied a bit frantically, trying his best to continue sweeping but continuously getting caught as his hands refused to do what they were supposed to. Camila frowned as he grew more and more hysterical until he eventually threw the broom to the floor and ran out of the house.
Luz walked in because of the noise. "Is everything okay, mamá?"
"Hunter was having some sort of trouble sweeping, so he threw this on the ground and ran out of the house" she gestured to the abandoned broom. Luz mirrored her mother's frown. "I think he may be having a panic attack" Camila realized. "Can you keep an eye on the others and make sure they don't come outside while I'm checking on him?"
"Yes, ma'am"
----------
"Hunter?" Camila asked as she spotted the blonde sitting right on the backdoor stairs. He went rigid and seemed ready to bolt again. "You're not in trouble, don't worry" she was quick to reassure. "Can I come talk with you about what just happened?"
"Okay" he allowed and she smiled as she sat next to him on the backdoor stairs. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"
"I'm sorry" he apologized, and there were tears in his eyes. Camila's heart sank. What had they done to this poor kid? "I wasn't ignoring your order, I just-"
"Order?" she asked, bewildered.
"Yeah?" he replied, equally bewildered by her reaction. "You gave me an order, and I didn't do it, which-"
"Order..."
"Apologies if that's the incorrect wording" he told her, and for a moment the tears grew a little thicker. "I promise I wasn't ignoring it, though. I just... Couldn't"
"Why?" she asked, though she seemed to just want to understand. Hunter swallowed thickly. Whenever he'd told Belos the real reason before, it hadn't ended well, but he didn't have any better explanation, so...
"My hands don't really... Work" he explained hesitantly, shutting his eyes tight as though expecting to be hit. "Like I can write or draw or flip pages in a book fine, but when it comes to certain tasks like sweeping or tying my shoes or... I don't know, that stupid cup song Luz was trying to teach us" he chuckled. "My hands just don't wanna cooperate, even though I understand how to do it"
"Oh" Camila said and he was already planning what to do if she kicked him out, but she didn't do that. He risked opening an eye and was greeted with a kind smile. "Thank you for telling me, Hunter" she said. What? "I won't ask you to sweep again"
"Wait, you aren't mad?"
"No, of course not, mijo" she replied earnestly. "You have motor issues. Why would I be mad at you for that?"
"I..." he sighed. "I don't know. I'm sorry"
"Hey, no more apologies" she nudged him gently. "You don't need to apologize for existing in my household, okay? Here, how about you come and help me cook, can you do that?"
"Yes, ma'am"
"Alright" she smiled. "I'll finish sweeping real quick and then we'll get started"
"Thank you, ma'am"
"No need"
DO NOT REPOST ON OTHER PLATFORMS!! This will be crossposted on AO3 under the same username
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shy-urban-hobbit · 1 year ago
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I would love to see what you come up with for 33. "Don't cry" from the angst prompt list with lambert/aiden, what would make one of them (or both) cry? Thank you! 💖
33 - "Don't cry." I hurt myself with this one.
Aiden has major guilt after a hunt gone wrong.
Aiden groaned, trying to simultaneously rub the sleep from his eyes and move his hair off his face. Crap, when had he fallen asleep?
Someone let out an amused huff next to him, "Mornin' Sunshine."
Aiden's breath left him in a shaky exhale as he flipped his body to fully face the other side of the bed.
"Lambert?"
"You expecting someone else?" He asked arching an eyebrow.
Aiden saw his cocky expression morph into one of concerned panic just before his vision started to blur.
"Oh shit, Aiden. Please don't cry."
Aiden didn't need to be able to see Lambert to know that the other would be looking like one of his own bombs was about to go off in his face. He could almost feel the heat from Lambert's hand as it hovered awkwardly in the vicinity of his shoulder. His Wolf never did know how to handle tears, from anybody.
"I'm sorry, Lambert. I'm so sorry!"
"For what? It's not like you're the one that pumped me full of venom."
"Which happened because you shoved me out the way! You stupid-" Aiden broke off as another sob shook his entire body, "You should have let me take the fucking hit."
"Like I was gonna do that. Besides, outcome would still be the same, just reversed."
Aiden could hear the shrug. His sobs turned into a snarl as the others nonchalants filled him with anger.
"Why aren't you mad at me?" He demanded, scrubbing furiously at his eyes to glare at the other, tears still falling.
"This is all my fault. I know it, you know it. Your family-"
"Won't blame you." Lambert interrupted firmly, "They all know the life. Something like this was bound to happen eventually and Vesemir gave his word you're as much an honorary Wolf as Coen, remember?"
Aiden felt fingers ghost through the ends of his hair, "They won't punish you for something I did. Despite what people think I'm capable of thinking for myself and I don't regret it."
Aiden could only lie there and take in the others still haggard appearance as he continued playing with his hair. Golden eyes slightly sunken and surrounded by dark circles that had nothing to do with potions, skin too pale apart from the spider web disappearing under the neck of his tunic, showing the path of the manticores venom. More than anything, Aiden wanted to reach out to him but something was holding him in place, warning him the moment would be gone if he moved.
"Try and get some more sleep, you look about as good as I probably do right now. I promise it's going to be alright, Kitten. Just, don't cry over this again, it's not worth it. I'm alright, honestly. Nothing hurts anymore and I'm going to be right there with you. Please don't cry. Promise?"
"Lambert, I..." The rest of the declaration drifted as Aiden's eyes suddenly felt incredibly heavy, drifting closed of their own accord.
The last thing he was aware of was Lambert giving that crooked grin he loved so much, "I know. You too. So damn much."
The pillow was damp when Aiden woke and he didn't need to check the other side of the bed to know it would be stone cold. He buried his nose into the soft, worn fabric of the tunic he'd tucked by his head, already dreading the day the scent would be truly gone.
It was some sort of cruel mockery that he could see the start of the mountain pass leading to Kaer Morhen from his window. He never thought it was a journey he'd have to make alone but Lambert's family needed to hear it from him rather than through gossip in the spring. They needed to know what had happened to their youngest Pup.
Part of him hoped Vesemir would disregard past claims and...what? Banish him, execute him? At this point he'd happily take anything the remaining Wolves saw fit to dish out. Penance for breaking his one promise to them.
"I promise I'll keep him safe."
Aiden couldn't put it off any longer and - if he were being honest with himself - he didn't want to. He grabbed his pack from by the door, hyper aware of the silver Wolf's head tucked away safely, ready to join it's brethren on the medallion tree. The thought caused a fresh wave of grief to wash over him "Sorry Lambert." He whispered, wiping his eyes quickly, but not quickly enough to stop a few tears falling.
It looked like this was to be a journey of broken promises.
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allmydokkuns · 1 year ago
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the brainworms have decided it's time for another ramble so on tonight's menu is Lan Qiren, no not like that please do not consume someone else's fictional uncle without said fictional uncle's consent. Vague spoiler alerts for character backstory and plot IG?
The running motif (might be the wrong word? Coincidence maybe?) of "younger uncle having to step in to parent the next generation because someone died or is Otherwise Unavailable" is really obvious with Lan Qiren. Very unfortunate for him, and I don't get to see a lot of interpretations of him in fandom that expand beyond the "stickler for the rules suffocating teacher ish figure" that we see of him re: the Cloud Recesses arc from Wei Wuxian's perspective. Therefore I'm just gonna slap some text into this post about all the things we don't really know about him but some stuff I assume or infer based on some shit in my brain yeah.
Lan Qiren, birth name and age unknown, is the younger brother of Qingheng-jun (name and age both unknown), and the paternal uncle of the Twin Jades of Lan. We know this cause both Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji address him as "shufu," which is the more formal version of the "-shushu" WWX uses for Jiang Fengmian. In the absence of any other known siblings or close blood relatives of the main branch of the Lan clan, this also automatically made him, from his birth until the birth and successful upbringing of (at least) his elder nephew, the sect heir to Gusu Lan. I say this because it's important context for the role he plays in both the sect and his nephews' upbringing.
I'll talk a bit about Qingheng-jun and how the choices he made re: Xichen's and Wangji's mother/their marriage completely ruined Lan Qiren's and his son's lives. I don't think we know much about Qingheng-jun and Qiren when they were younger until Qingheng-jun apparently meets his wife-to-be and the situation escalates until he married her to protect her from execution (?) and proceeded to punish their whole immediate family by choosing to go into seclusion as well. You might argue that it was a good thing he recognized what a disaster this all was and took some kind of punishment for it, but. But. As the oldest son and older brother, he serves as the future sect leader, role model for the disciples, and has the duty to not only lead the sect but also guide any siblings he has from "taking the wrong path," so to speak. His choosing to go into seclusion is a punishment, yes, but was completely unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. Even assuming his now wife was a guest cultivator of some kind, he would have been well within his rights to step back and allow the rules to run their course once she committed a crime, to be startled out of his infatuation (?) with her into realizing that maybe she wasn't a good choice (or the only choice) for the future sect leader's wife, do his penance, and then move on. So why didn't he? Love, panic or obsession?
His choice to be secluded himself with her can mean different things depending on how you interpret the Gusu Lan practice of seclusion. Is it physical seclusion only, or did he take it to the extreme and was completely hands-off for everything from sect affairs to his children's upbringing? Obviously he had kids with his wife but that would be allowable since you know, marriage and heirs. The fact that the kids' monthly visits to his wife are mentioned but none to him kind of suggests that he had a minimal role in his sons' lives. Also it's super weird in the context of filial piety and the importance of a father in that role ethic. Fortunately for plot purposes, this role (and the duties thereof) he so very conveniently vacates can also be fulfilled by Lan Qiren.
The visits to their mother could be excused under the guise of letting LXC and LWJ exercise their filial piety, i.e. their respect for their mother. But all other duties normally carried out by the husband and wife as well as the sect leader and sect leader's wife would fall on Lan Qiren and whatever sect members/servants/caretakers were appropriate. E.g., as a man, Lan Qiren cannot nurse his nephews until they're weaned, but can choose nursemaids and servants who have the right skillsets to care for very young children. When they're older but still not old enough to be granted courtesy names/live in their own households, he is the obvious choice for them to live with, so they can be taught the rules, proper etiquette, how to read/write, etc. Again, as an elder, this would be part of his purview as their uncle, but he would not be primarily responsible for these things in their lives if it weren't for the extenuating circumstances of his brother's disaster of a marriage. Also important -- it seems he's also the face of the sect and is entrusted with handling politically significant intersect matters such as the guest disciples and the whole incident with WWX punching Jin Zixuan, which tracks with him being the only other candidate in the main family to lead the sect in his brother's absence.
Politically Qingheng-jun would have been doing Qiren a favor because he wouldn't be as important otherwise as a second son, if it weren't for the fact that Qiren gets all of the thankless work with none of the recognition. Qiren's significance as sect heir expired as soon as his sister-in-law gave birth to two healthy sons, at which point he's just a placeholder until Lan Xichen comes of age, UNLESS both of his nephews die with no heirs. And by all visible criteria, he's done a fucking good job too! If he was power hungry and coveted his brother's position, he didn't have to do such a damn good job of raising his nephews that they became the first and second highest ranked young men of their generation, you know?
Speaking of heirs, why is Qiren raising his nephews alone? Given the familial and sect obligations he has on his plate, it would have been reasonable for the sect to shore up any instability by finding a good match for him posthaste, which would have the added bonus of giving any potential nephews a maternal figure in their everyday life to handle the manners and etiquette bit, at least. Depending on the amount of time between marriage drama and Xichen being born, I can think of a couple of reasons:
Gusu Lan came out the other side of marriage drama and collectively went, we're not doing that shit again, and conveniently does not give Qiren any marriage prospects.
The rest of the jianghu hears rumors about the marriage scandal and maybe isn't as eager to marry off daughters into Gusu Lan as they might have been otherwise (yes, Qiren isn't as attractive a prospect as a first son, but he's still unattached, unless he has a reputation that dissuaded prospects in the first place)
Lan Qiren came out the other side of marriage drama and internalized that trauma, or maybe wasn't the marrying kind anyway (see marriage dynamics of the other sect leaders in the Big Five), and went "oh fuck no"
Gusu Lan's elders saw that Xichen had a lot of potential from a young age, and decided marrying Qiren off with the obligations of his own wife, children and household would be distracting him from nurturing the sect heir(s once Wangji is born) that they already have, with special emphasis on Qiren teaching them The Right Way To Be A Lan and maybe even fobbing more stuff to do on him so he never has the time to court and get married. Normally such things would be under the watchful eye of Qiren's parents, or Qingheng-jun once their parents were dead, but as we've already established, sect and familial duties don't seem to be a priority for that guy so.
Depending on how shitty you wanna believe the Gusu Lan elders are, maybe Qingheng-jun made a deal with them that he would have no part in raising any children from his marriage to help protect the woman he loved, idk. Can you tell I'm not very sympathetic to him? As far as I can tell, he trapped his wife, his sons and his brother into the consequences of his own actions and is basically the whole reason for LWJ's tragic backstory™ because God forbid any sect heir in this series have a healthy father-son relationship, am I right?
And then Qiren has to watch his younger nephew get whipped to within an inch of his life for finally breaking the rules (that he taught Wangji) they lived under so disastrously, and then his older nephew is so torn up about all the fun, fun revelations from Guanyin temple that history repeats itself and Xichen shuts himself away and Qiren can only hope that time will help Xichen heal, because Wangji's gone as soon as he possibly can to chase the man he almost died for once already, and he's older and tired but he might as well be young again and holding A-Huan for a walk around the courtyard until he stops crying for all that everything else has changed.
Anyway. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk about Lan Qiren, Gusu Lan's original Lan er-gege and Tragic Lan Backstory™, I'm gonna drop some headcanons about him and y'all feel free to reblog, reply, whatever with y'all's thoughts.
Lan Qiren's likes, in no particular order:
Respectful students that are diligent and work hard.
Hearing his nephews play music together.
A good pot of tea after a long morning's work, just before training and between meetings, paperwork, etc.
Copying over manuscripts/poetry/what have you in his spare time
Poetry
Lan Qiren's dislikes, in no particular order:
People that rely solely on luck, talent or family background to gain accolades
Things being wasted, food, potential, time, etc.
The gentian house.
Having to wait until it's almost curfew to meditate in the rabbit meadow.
Splinters
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