#like I only use sapphic so that other people know I’m attracted to women

[totally-sapphic-posts]

I can’t wait for the day I can just exist. It’s probably just because I only admitted I was sapphic this year, but, I still find myself repeatedly kinda pushing myself in and out of the closet. Maybe I really don’t want this, maybe it’s only this, blah blah blah. I can’t wait to just exist- to be in equilibrium as myself without pushing myself from one box or one rule to the other. It’ll probably never fully ever go away, but…. I can hope.

I feel this and relate to this so intensely.

Just let yourself be. Be kind to yourself. Don’t force yourself anywhere. Do what feels right for you, not what others say is right for you. You know you best.

[rainbowsforbeginners]

Rainbow 101: 001

Today’s topic, as voted by you: What is LGBTQIA+?

Hello, class!

Welcome to Rainbow 101!

To start us off, today I’ll explain the acronym LGBTQIA+:

It stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, and A-spec - And the little “plus” at the end stands for any other queer labels that don’t fit neatly into the main acronym!

You may also see it shortened to LGBTQ+, LGBT+, LGBT, as well as a few others - But, they all refer to the same community!

Now, as this is a beginner-friendly lecture, I’ll also give a brief explanation of the main “flagship” identities - Though I highly encourage you do your own research of any terms you find interesting, as I will likely not be able to cover all nuance here!

Also, if anyone has any comments, questions, corrections, or kudos, please put them in the ask box after class!

Alright, let’s get started:

Lesbian:

Someone who is a lesbian is a women who is attracted to other women - Non-binary people can also use this label if they wish! The term Lesbian is also related to the terms WLW and Sapphic - Though I recommend finding sources who are more well-versed in those labels to understand the nuances/differences!

Gay:

The “proper” definition of gay is similar to lesbian, being a man who is attracted to other men - And non-binary folk can use this one, too! - However, you will also find many people use “gay” as a broad blanket term similar to “queer,” so context is useful here! Gay is also sometimes called MLM (men-loving-men, not multi-level-marketing :) )

Bisexual/Biromantic:

Someone who is bisexual/biromantic is attracted to multiple genders - Commonly interpreted as simply “likes both men and women.” But, as with many of these labels, there can be nuance that is different for every person; Such as having attraction for multiple, but preferring one over another. You’ll often see Bisexual/Biromantic shortened to Bi!

Transgender:

Someone who is transgender doesn’t fully identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. For example, someone who was born as a girl named Jane and later transitions to a man named John. (Something to note here: While many transgender people do fully identify with the “opposite” gender, and undergo various visual/biological transformations (ha!), there are many who don’t do either! Some people only change their pronouns, and some may not change anything!) Non-binary people are also under this umbrella term - though not everyone identifies with the label! You’ll often see Transgender shortened to Trans!

Queer/Questioning:

From what I’ve seen, “Queer” is a pretty broad label, often used as a collective term for all LGBTQIA+ people - But, I’ve also seen some people use it as a catch-all personal miscellaneous label, when they don’t care to explain or define the details! “Questioning” is pretty simple - It just means the person is figuring out some aspect of their identity, but hasn’t quite gotten there yet!

Intersex:

This one I don’t know as much about as I could, but my understanding is that an intersex person falls between or outside of the biological sex binary - And it can be as drastically obvious as physical organ differences, or more often, as subtle as having unusual chromosomes!

A-spec:

A-spec, or the A-spectrum, is a wide category for those who experience little, no, and/or specifically-parametrized attraction! Aromantic (or Aro, little-to-no romantic attraction) and Asexual (or Ace, little-to-no sexual attraction) are the more popular, “flagship” labels, but the A spectrum also includes Aplatonic, Agender, Afamilial, Asensual, and probably a few others I don’t know of! To oversimplify for the sake of comedy, the A-spec is for those of us who look at everyone else and go, “No thanks!” with varying degrees of intensity.

Plus (+):

And the + is for everyone else who might not fit within the above!

…And there you have it - That was a lot, and I’m glad you stuck around to the end!

I want to note here that many of these labels have more sub-labels nested under them, and/or have more nuance than we covered today - So, if any of you have questions or clarifications, or have a correction to make, please feel free to drop a note in my ask box!

Also, any ideas for future topics to cover would be much appreciated!

Batteries and Bars,

Neon

[lasirens-cove]

So I remember watching a video, “the problem with lesbian romance novels” a couple months ago and not really absorbing much of what was said. Then I was scrolling through Threads and one person pointed out how biphobic the video was, so I decided to rewatch it. Tell me why almost 3 minutes into the video and the first problem she said was, and I quote, “many F/F romance novels, the 2 main female characters that get together are not lesbians.” The reason why this is a weird thing to point out out as the (first) main issue is because she frames F/F romance as lesbian literature; lesbians are not the only people that are attracted to the same gender. There is a reason the word “sapphic” exists, it’s an umbrella term that in current usage describes non men who are attracted to non men generally. I don’t remember if I’ve previously mentioned it, but in the past, lesbian was used as more of an umbrella term before about the 1960s/70s before bisexual came into more popular use to describe attraction, so I would get it if it was more in a historical perspective, but I’m positive that’s not how she was using it in her video. Especially when she talks about how the characters have male exs that are brought up or even involved in the story. Like no shit, the characters are (I’m assuming) bisexual, some of them are probably going to have dated men in the past. And then she brings up a book where one of the characters has had male exs and the other one “no one knows her sexuality” (a google search later bc I didn’t read the book; the book she is referring to “Something to Talk About,” Emma is bisexual and Jo is a lesbian) and then says that’s not how lesbian romance works. I know we are all conditioned to just see two women together and just think lesbian (and there’s nothing necessary wrong with that), but I think we need to start readily using the word sapphic to describe these types of romance because it would really avoid some of this weird takes, because these are a lot of people’s real experiences, they just might not be lesbians’ experiences.

Also obviously there should be more representation for lesbians within romance and fiction, duh. Everyone deserves to feel seen.

[leikeliscomet]

Let's Talk About Thasmin

Intro Chapter 1 - Not Something I Usually Do [TW: SA Mentions] Chapter 2 - I Haven't Even Told Anyone, Not Even Myself Chapter 3 & Conclusion - I Wish This Would Go On Forever

Intro

I didn’t know how to write about Thasmin because I didn’t understand what Thasmin was. 

I’m in a weird position with it. I watched the Chibnall era and barely thought about it. I knew about it in series 11, not minding if it became canon or if Ryasmin would instead. I thought Yaz’s attachment to Thirteen seemed stronger than Ryan and Graham’s in series 12 and it was interesting but not that exciting enough for me to go full thassie. I liked the Thasmin bits in series 13 like in Eve of the Daleks and Legend of the Sea Devils (even though I didn’t like the rest of it). But after my rewatch, several things started coming together. I started to see Thirteen and Yaz differently, even seeing parts of them in myself and essentially started looking at the Chibnall era a bit differently as a whole. It’s still not my fave era, but there’s things from it I can appreciate that I didn’t see before.

What interests me about Thasmin isn’t just the ship itself but how the fandom talks about it. Both praise and critiques. Thasmin is the first sapphic ship involving the Doctor, with one sapphic only realising her attraction to women recently, and the other essentially being one of the very few asexual sapphic characters in mainstream TV at the time. Thasmin was fresh with potential but as the essay goes on and from the fandom’s reaction, the potential didn’t fully blossom in the way a lot of fans wanted it to. Whilst I’ve stayed indifferent to it, this ship is somehow so controversial it’s torn the fandom in half, caused many YouTube videos, debates and articles (like this lol) and caused some of the wildest discourse I’ve ever seen throughout my time in the fandom. So this essay is basically an attempt at an asexual, lesbian and possibly bi interpretation of what Thasmin tried to be, how lesbophobia and compulsory sexuality shape the fandom’s ideas about queerness using Thasmin as an example and what Thasmin could've been if handled differently.

I need to make it clear this essay isn’t about proving whether or not Thasmin is queerbait. The discourse since 2022, to me, is unproductive, repetitive and only reinforces misinformation and ignorance towards other queer labels. Regardless of writing quality, Yasmin Khan and the Thirteenth Doctor have confirmed feelings for each other so in my personal opinion, I don’t consider the ship queerbait. I’m aware queerbait has expanded definitions like how the queer character’s storylines and how the queer relationship is carried out but to me, that isn’t proof either. Queerness is a large umbrella term of various identities that are outside of the norm, so not all forms of queerness depend on or can be ‘proven’ solely with a romantic/sexual relationship. These definitions to me exclude queer people whose queerness isn’t dependent on those things or doesn’t involve them at all. Lastly, I don’t believe the conclusion of bad queer representation is that it isn’t queer. It is. It just flopped. 

I’m not writing to prove Thirteen really loved Yaz because as far as I’m concerned, her feelings for Yaz are canon. I’m not writing to prove Thasmin is toxic or morally good because as far as I’m concerned, all ships involving the Doctor, a morally grey character, are all morally grey in their own ways and that would mean also critiquing the ethics of Thoschei, Tenrose, TwelveClara and DoctorRiver. I have no interest in doing this or singling out Thasmin as some unique evil because to me that’s performative. I’m not writing to prove that Yaz is ‘really gay’ or ‘gay enough’ because as far as I’m concerned she is a canon sapphic companion and I don’t believe in gold-star, lesbophobic or biphobic rhetoric to erase any sapphic character’s attraction to women. I’m not writing to prove Thirteen/The Doctor is ‘actually asexual’ because as far as I’m concerned they are, as confirmed by Tennant, Smith, Pertwee, other actors and the official account and I don't care for the validity or close-minded opinions of anti-asexual and ace exclusionist fans, the same way I don’t care for the approval or permission from homophobes, lesbophobes, biphobes, transphobes or any group of queerphobic people to exist.

If you’ve come to this essay for me to critique Thasmin specifically on the basis that the Thirteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan and/or Thasmin the ship have failed to live up to some arbitrary measure of queerness and that they are un-queer, less queer, fake queer, queerbait or ‘cishet’ then basically… you’re in the wrong place.

With that out of the way, let’s talk Thasmin!

Chapter 1 ->

[divinemiracles]

I will always be upset with how people state that Lunter is an invalid relationship. Allow me to give my responses to anti-Lunter statements. I’ve said these before but I’ll say them again since some people can’t understand them.

~

“Luz called him family, therefore they’re family.”

In Thanks To Them, Luz specifically said the line “You’re family now” to Hunter. Calling someone family doesn’t automatically mean that you view them as literal family. There are multiple different kinds of family: literal family, parents’ friends, found family, your own friends, etc.

People call their friends family.

It is also SO VERY COMMON for people that are Hispanic/Asian/etc. to call their close ones “family.” I should know, I’m Filipina. People seem to forget that Luz is Afro-Latina, meaning that it is common for her to call her close ones “family.”

More importantly, this line is practically the same to when Willow said “You’re one of us now” in For The Future. Being such a close friend to someone to where they call you family is the same as “being one of them.”

Also, tweets outside of the show are not canon, just the crew’s headcanons. Only things inside of the show are canon. When Zeno changed his twitter name to “Hunter Noceda,” that was a headcanon. Yes, he’s a part of the crew, but when things are canon, they’re in the source, not outside of it.

Camila has never legally adopted Hunter on screen. You can say that she could have legally done it off-screen but that’s a headcanon, not canon. Look at Camila’s house in Watching and Dreaming, there were lots of photos of Luz, Vee, and herself excluding Hunter. In the finale, it was also shown that Darius took in Hunter.

All of the Hexsquad members likely viewed Camila as a mother figure, not just Hunter. Amity’s mother was abusive, Gus and Willow had no mother, and Hunter had no healthy parental figures yet. Camila viewed all of them equally as her children, which is why she called herself a mother of six. Why would she view Hunter as her kid more than the others when she knew them all for the same amount of time?

If you’re going to say that he’s related to Luz from being Eda’s ancestor (Caleb), remember that he’s a clone of Caleb and not actually Caleb Wittebane himself.

“It’s erasing sapphic representation.”

How? Tell me: how is it erasing sapphic representation?

Luz will canonically always be in a relationship with Amity. Shipping her with a man is not going to erase her canon relationship from existence. Luz and Amity’s relationship is not going to magically disappear from the show.

Besides, Luz is bisexual, which means that she is attracted to women and men (2+ genders). If you believe that she should only be shipped with women, then you are erasing her bisexuality by only viewing her as lesbian when it comes to being in relationships.

Yes, sapphic representation is buried beneath heterosexual content but Luz and Hunter do not classify as a heterosexual relationship, they’re both bisexual, making the relationship a bisexual one.

*Bisexual wlm relationship are still a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Bisexual wlm relationships should not be viewed as anything less than wlw and wlm relationships.*

“You would rather ship Luz with a man than a woman.”

Most people who ship Lunter are people who believe that the ship had much more potential for the story than Luz and Amity did. The whole purpose of Luz and Amity being a couple was for sapphic representation (which was lovely since they are pretty healthy if you don’t look too deep into it). Lunter could fit so much more into the story narrative-wise.

Luz and Amity = Sapphic representation and light-hearted for the story.

Luz and Hunter = Deep and narratively-great (Wittecouple “reincarnated”) for the story.

Which one you ship depends on why you watch the show. Do you watch Owl House for the representation or for the lore? People watch shows for different reasons.

“Luz has already shown interest in men, therefore she shouldn’t be shipped with one.”

What I’m getting from this is that you believe Luz shouldn’t be shipped with men even though she’s bisexual since it’s “erasing sapphic representation again” and there was “already enough bisexual wlm content.” This is stating that she should only date woman in another format while trying to not sound biphobic.

This is a biphobic statement. Once again, Luz is attracted to both men and women. I don’t see a problem with shipping her with men. Erasing sapphic representation? Reread the second section of this. She will always canonically be with Amity and Lunter is not a heterosexual relationship, it’s a bisexual relationship.

If someone said that a bisexual female character who was dating a man couldn’t be shipped with women since it would erase her attraction to men, how would you feel? Upset that the character isn’t allowed to express her sexuality? It’s the same situation only swapping the genders.

~

TLDR / Recap

Since both Luz and Hunter are bisexual, Lunter is a bisexual relationship, not a heterosexual relationship. Bisexual man x woman relationship are just as valid as sapphic ones in the LGBTQIA+ community.

Luz/Amity is liked for having cute representation and Luz/Hunter is liked for lore reasons. Luz dating a man is not lessening her attraction to women because she is bisexual. Luz and Amity will always be canon.

Luz and Hunter aren’t siblings because calling someone family does not automatically mean literal family. There’s different kinds of family. It’s also common for people that are Hispanic to call their closed ones “family” and not mean literal family. Camila viewed all of the Hexsquad as her children (including Amity), why would she prioritize one over the other?

Also, things are only considered canon if they were outright stated inside of the show.

~

“Why do Lunter fans feel the need to defend it so much?” Because people don’t know how to respect harmless ships/interpretations, see that headcanons aren’t changing canon, and see that bisexual man x woman relationships are just as valid and LGBTQIA+ as sapphic/achillean ones.

[autistook]

Okay so, I’m on anon because we’ve had 0 interaction previously and while I love your blog and do really want to get to know you better, I feel like you just need support rn.

Im going to share a little bit about my journey to see if it sounds a bit familiar to you (even if it doesn’t, that’s alright too!!). A bit about me: I’m a lesbian who that she was bi for ~8 years when I was young(er) and still figuring it out, because I knew I liked women but never seriously considered whether I actually liked men and just took it as a default that I did. I also sort of mentally tried to train myself into liking men via celebrity crushes etc. (something I know few of my gay guy friends also did in fear of not being bi), but obviously it didn’t work. I never actually slept with a man, but that’s more because whenever an opportunity would present itself I’d come up with a million excuses not to and less because I didn’t seriously consider it and I did feel like I wanted to. A lot of my thinking came down to me not being repulsed by the idea of having sex with a dick and instead actively fantasising about it. I thought that meant that I was *cured* as it were, and therefore couldn’t be a lesbian. When I got over that mental hurdle, I sort of realised that yeah, sex with a dick would be hot, but sex with a dick that’s a strap CONNECTED TO A WOMAN? 1000x hotter. And yeah, like you, I never really felt the same level of romantic attachment to the men in my life.

One thing I do want to say is that obviously for LGBT+ people it’s very common to view us getting to know ourselves better as a crisis, and it definitely feels like that. When I thought I was bi I didn’t really come out or anything and tried to keep my romantic life very seperate (partly because I did deep down think the label was off for me, but also yknow, that deep deep shame of internalised homophobia). BUT, it didn’t feel like a crisis in the same way realising I was a lesbian did. I think comphet really does mess with you mentally and it was pretty hard for me to come to terms with the fact that not only did I like women, but I didn’t like men. Once I did, I felt happier than I ever had in my life and I’m out and proud!! I think it might be worth thinking about why we articulate these things as a crisis to begin with and question what are the barriers in your own head preventing you from fairly considering the possibility you’re a lesbian.

On liking non-binary people, I sometimes feel guilty for finding nb people attractive when I’m a self-professed lesbian and they do not identify as a woman. But it’s not because I see them as women? It doesn’t stop me from calling myself a lesbian, however. Sexuality is complex and nuanced, but being attracted to an nb person now and then doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m a lesbian.

I hope this helps!!! Sometimes there isn’t a simple answer to these things and there doesn’t need to be. Labels are helpful, but not when they box you in or prevent you from finding yourself. I think the first step is to really think long and hard (lol) about why this is a crisis for you and what will change if you are lesbian.

Either way, remember to love yourself first and foremost and know there will always be sapphic sisters out here cheering you on 🌈❤️🏳️‍🌈

this helped a lot and made me shed a few tears. ♡

definitely a big part of me has always gone for men in relationships because it's "the norm" and makes stuff "easier".

I've always preferred women. that I do know.

I remember when me and some other girls from my class had a movie night and we talked about sex, and I said something like "I always get the ick when I think about penis and men" because I thought it was how everyone thought about it. everyone looked at me weird and turns out, I was the only one in our group who thought that lol

[our-lesboy-experience]

How does one know if one is a lesboy? Also how does one know if one is an mspec lesbian? Also can one be both? Also can one be both and also aroacespec? Sorry for the question spam I’m having my yearly sexuality crisis (stick around in six months for the yearly gender crisis)

so first it'll answer the question of "can you be this at the same time"- yes, absolutely. im an mspec lesboy (not really attracted to men, but am to genders under the nonbinary umbrella and pretty flexible when it comes to genderfluidity and if we had already been dating) who's both on the ace and aro spectrums (though I don't see myself under the label aro in any sense, I just say demirose). so technically that's me, the mspec aspec lesboy, so I can say for certain you can be all those things

as for how someone knows is they're an mspec lesbian or a lesboy, my response that is gonna be roughly the same for everyone that's asked me before, and that it's pretty hard for someone that isn't well, you, to know. with lesboy, it's really just if you feel it describes you accurately based off your own experience (like I've said before, similar to genderqueer). the only requirement really is being a lesbian, the best I can suggest to you is to try it and see how you like it. mspec lesbian is kinda similar, as someone can have their own person reasoning for calling themselves such, and im not in a place to tell anyone whether or not they're allowed to use that label. if you're attracted to more than one single gender, and experience sapphic or queer attraction to women, then yeah, go ahead with it.

ive been answering a few asks like these lately so I think I might wanna make a statement on what my advice is if you're figuring out if labels like lesboy are for you- use it. call yourself it, express yourself with it to others, try it out like a piece of clothing or a new name you're figuring out if you like or not. some "modifier" labels are not quite the same as asking if you might be trans or ace or bi. some rely on you exploring by using it, in order to figure out it fits you. I can't exactly help people in figuring out if they're actually a lesboy or not because it entirely relies on what means to the individual. again, similar to genderqueer. all I can suggest is to use it first, then see how you like it

[thestingerblog]

Loki and Queerness in the MCU

by Sam H.

Read on our site!

There’s an ongoing joke among movie fans that there have been countless “Disney’s first gay character,” which include the unnamed gay character Joe Russo played in Avengers: Endgame. Not only does this joke speak to Disney failing miserably at providing meaningful queer representation, but it also indicates how desperate queer audiences are for representation, so much so that corporations believe that handing us scraps is the equivalent of a meal. 

I will admit that I’m guilty of buying into bare minimum queer representation, but so is the majority of online queer spaces. For example, I recently found out that Maeve and Aimee from Sex Education aren’t actually a sapphic couple as people on Twitter had somehow convinced me through their fancams. I recently had a similar realization with Loki and Mobius with the release of the new season of Loki. 

Look, I know I said that I’m not the biggest fan of Loki, so it was surprising that I gave the show a second chance. The main reason why I watched the first season in the first place was more out of obligation to keep up with the MCU, but for the second season, I only watched because I heard tons of people calling Loki and Mobius “queerbait” and pointing out the codependent nature of their relationship. However, three episodes into the new season, I noticed that it seems like, somehow, compared to the first season of Loki, the queer rep is abysmally lacking. 

Part of the reason could be that the first season of Loki was directed by Kate Herron, who identifies as queer and didn’t return for the second season. But even when she was at the helm, the only moment that canonized Loki’s bisexuality was a single line in which he said that he enjoyed the company of both princesses and princes. Lines like these is where the problem with a lot of mainstream queer representation lies: the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it phenomenon, coupled with the confirmed-in-external-interviews incidents. 

This has been a common debate for queer representation in media for a very long time and across many franchises, though they all noticeably, but unsurprisingly, seemed to be linked with Disney. In Star Wars, Lando’s pansexuality was only confirmed off screen and the scene of two women kissing at the end of Episode 9 was definitely a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment. Even in other Marvel media, America Chavez’s mention of her two moms and Valkyrie’s attraction to women were barely touched upon, merely throwaway lines that almost no one will remember once they leave the theater.

The one exception to this frustrating pattern is Phastos from Eternals. A central part of his identity is his queerness, mostly exemplified through his family life with his husband and his son. However, on the account of Eternals being a primarily ensemble movie, he isn’t the main focus and thus his storyline, in countries where LGBT censorship is extreme, was completely cut out. 

The argument for blink-and-you’ll-miss-it queer representation is that queerness shouldn’t be the central focus of queer characters because queerness is only one facet of identity. While this is true, queer representation should be spelled out on screen because queer representation has already been very discreet in the past and it’s time that queer representation is visible and essential to the story. Even if queerness is only one facet of a character’s identity, queerness is an inextricable part of the character that should be part of their development and story, embedded in ways that cannot be easily erased. 

The range and inconsistency of committing to queer representation within the MCU bring in the question of whether we can really trust corporations to provide us with the representation queer audiences so desperately crave, even if they have the biggest platform to have the most impact with authentic queer representation. But this also reveals the importance independent films have within the queer media ethnography as independent films have the most capability to provide that authentic representation, even if they aren’t as popular as MCU media. Ultimately, while there’s no one correct way for queer representation to exist, it’s important to consider the intention behind queer representation, especially when it comes to the fleeting moments that corporations claim we should be satisfied enough with. 

[lawlightautismtruther]

All I ever hear when talking with the girls (am I 100% girl? No, and that might be why I feel the disconnect here) is the following

- he’s so tall and big and muscular and deep voiced and UHHHH I WANT HIM TO RAIL MEEEEE

And I’m just like “good for you. Where’s my 5’5” 110 angel of a male, whom I want to carry around princess style to our king sized bed” and they all just look at me like

😨

Like are yall not aware that not EVERYONE is like you??!!!

Like I have no problem with how other people experience sexual attraction, obviously I don’t. That would be hypocritical as hell because people tend to have a problem with how I experience it (note I live in the evangelical American south and the internet is the only place that gets me) but I wish (and I’m the 10000000th person to express this, which goes to show how behind we still are) that women/women-adjacent people were ALLOWED to be masculine and be attracted to femininity without being ostracized and made to feel embarrassed. Especially for lesbians, but also for people like me. I feel like people around here can actually conceptualize a sapphic relationship better than the type of relationship I seek (but they accept neither, unfortunately).

I fear what would happen if they learned I was bi 😩

I’m not emotionally attracted to women (it’s a sexual thing), so I’d end up with a man anyway, but the JUDGEMENT I would still receive from these prehistoric brained people is CRAZY. I feel especially for lesbians and gay people because I know it’s 1000000x harder on them, even if people can conceptualize them better, they hate them even more.

Like, I constantly receive the “well if you’re so attracted to “sissy-boys” why aren’t you just a lesbian?” Which is SO stupid because it implies two really fucking idiotic ideas

1. Sexuality is a choice (specifically, gay people choose to be gay)

2. Being attracted exclusively to femininity = (or at least should equal) being attracted exclusively to women (and the inverse, which is often used to invalidate masc attracted lesbians as jaded straight women or something stupid like that)

WHEN WILL THESE PEOPLE GRASP NUANCE AND VARIANCE IN SEX/GENDER EXPRESSION AND EXPERIENCE.

I know a lot of it is the Bible and Christian culture (which is barely even in the Bible at all), but they break the rules and conventions of it EVERYDAY and find a way to justify it. Yet they can never justify people like me who aren’t harming ANYBODY

Which is proof it’s not 100% about religion, even if they’re consciously convinced it is. It’s about prejudice and ignorance.

what I’ll never understand is the motivation a lot of these people give me for being so obsessed with gender essentialism and policing others “the death of masculinity and femininity in men and women respectively will lead to the downfall of society”

LIKE BROTHER SOURCE PLEASE?!! WHATS YOUR SOURCE HELP

And for the love of God, don’t say the Bible. I’m a Christian myself, actually. But I am fully aware that the Bible was never supposed to be a source for ANYTHING. It’s simply a collection of relevant  documents to the history of our faith. That’s it.

GIVE ME A SCIENTIFIC STUDY AND MAYBE I’LL TAKE YOU A LITTLE MORE SERIOUSLY FOR ONCE (but that will never happen, so by default I will never take these people seriously. Also because if gender variance were an issue, God wouldn’t have made me (and millions of others) the way I am. There are actual problems in this world to worry about, so stop trying to convince me that by “acting like a man” and preferring men who “act like women” I’m contributing to the destruction of society. To be honest, I hope I’m contributing to the downfall of society, because this one stinks). Instead, target the rapists, the murderers, the pedos, the human traffickers, the child exploiters, the money hoarding ultra-rich, the fascists, the racists, the sexists, the homophobes, the supremacists, the nazis, the liars, the cheaters, and the media that promotes them. But most of these people are too far gone to see what’s wrong with the above. So I’m ranting about it all here in this echo chamber. I have no choice.

[wtowingedtragicobsidian]

BDS Gender & Orientation HCs pt2 PM

~if a character/commentary is not included I’m just assuming they’re cis/straight~

Akutagawa:

Orientation:|Gay, Demiromantic| Doesn’t get romantically attached to people, with a few notable exceptions. He has never looked upon a woman with lust in his life and genuinely doesn’t understand the appeal (lol). He does understands the appeal of men but his fear of physical vulnerability tends to negate him acting on it.

Higuchi:

Orientation: |Bi| The Akutagawa’s were her bi awakening.

Chuuya:

Orientation: |Gay| Exclusively likes men. He was self-conscious about it (possibly with some self-loathing) when he was younger but then he met Albatross and the Flags, and they assured him it was cool (half of them were queer anyway). Since then, he’s been secure in his identity, but keeps pretty quiet about it as he’s a very internally guarded person who likes to keep his personal life private. Still, he won’t compromise for others’ comfort and can be quite outspoken if somebody’s making unsavory remarks—regardless of if they’re directed at him or not.

*Chuuya has a soft spot for the younger queer kids in the mafia and tries to subtly wingman for them. He’s like a brother figure to a lot of them and is more than willing to talk with them about their identity or offer comfort, regardless of how close they might be. (yes, in his own way he’s trying to pay forward what the Flags did for him.)

Tachihara:

Orientation: |Queer(pan)| Had never really given sexuality much thought and just assumed he was straight—and then he met Gin and was like ‘oh, guess not’. Since then, he has been more in touch with his sense of attraction.

Gin:

Gender: |Genderfluid, Demigirl| Mostly use neutral forms of expression/address, however, for as much gender euphoria that causes, they do get a bit antsy if they haven’t been able to express either of the binaries for a while. Conveniently their work/life balance lets them express their gender with relative ease, presenting femininely (and using feminine or neutral pronouns, though feminine is more common) while off work—and conversely presenting masculinely/androgynously while a work (and using neutral and masculine pronouns, though neutral ones are generally preferred). She doesn’t tell many people about her gender and often lets them assume —usually enjoying the mixed results and ambiguity—unless they are very close with her (so the Black Lizards and her brother know).

Mori: (When I was writing this, I told myself I wasn’t going to touch this one, but then I stared at his hairline too long and realized he would be wilding more interesting—to me specifically—if he was ace, so-)

Orientation: |Asexual, Demiromantic| Fascinated with sex and human sexuality to an almost fetishistic degree and is more than willing to exploit/abuse those attachments in others—he likes to watch the fallout and sadistically enjoys the exertion of his power. BUT, he doesn’t feel that kind of attraction himself, which may be a contributing factor to why he’s so interested in it.

He does, however rarely, feel romantic attraction. He’s had one(1) notable crush and its fucked with him ever since.

Kouyou:

Orientation: |Bisexual-sapphic| Despite (in the strictest sense of the term) being bi, she only entertains advances from women and will identify as lesbian if asked. She did have a notable romance with a man in her youth and while it was genuine attraction, it burned her forever—since then she has shunned the romantic advances of men. After that formative heartbreak all her entanglements have been sapphic in nature, but she’s still very wary of romance and ‘love’, so they have been few and far between; mostly consisting of short lived situationships.

Q:

Gender:|Nonbinary| Uses neutral pronouns. They get a right kick watching people fumble to trying to figure out how to categorize them.

[redheadbigshoes]

do you think even as a non lesbian i could experience “comphet signs” (idk how to phrase it otherwise sorry), even in sexual fantasies, i sometimes imagined myself as the man with a woman, but i have no desire to identify as a man just to make that clear, i figured out my gender identity lol, i can relate to some, i picked one of my crushes, i literally have no celeb crushes on men, i don’t like the idea of dating a man, more so in theory, but when the interactions with men escalate to the point where it’s more than just him validating me i literally get so stressed out, i don’t have that with women, i mainly like girls i already know, my close friend was my first girl crush i recognised and there were two other girls that i knew and talked to one at camp one at school but wasn’t as close with them.

back to the topic, i relate to some signs of comphet, but then i also am unsure if i like men, i don’t necessarily feel disgust when it comes to men in general (at times sure cause theyre men), but apparently you don’t have to feel that as a lesbian, i’ve tried picturing myself with the perfect men, but in my mind that relationship is platonic, like i fear i think im a lesbian because i don’t have many great marriage role models in my life or a great father model.

i also am unsure if crushes (unsure if they were crushes on men but let’s just call them that for a moment) on men and women are supposed to feel this differently, many bi people say it’s different for them that it’s not always as intense etc, but men really stress me out, like compared to my girl crushes, my girl crushes always feel nicer, i get butterflies but the nice kind? with men it’s more anxious, for some reason. But at the same time i don’t feel like the crushes on men are performative like some do, i do daydream and such, mainly the scenarios are him being overly or just protective of me and in sexual fantasies i’m mainly degraded by them.

idk if this asks makes sense, i genuinely cannot tell if what i feel for men is attraction or just deep deep comphet, cause honestly i fear it could be the second one, but i also could be bi, like some bi people choose not to date men 🤷‍♀️ soo if this doesn’t make sense at any point i can just clarify it in the ask again!

I get what you’re saying.

When we say lesbians are the only ones (perhaps us and strictly aro/ace women) who can experience comphet, it’s more in the sense of we’re the only ones who experience “fake attraction” to men. Someone who is genuinely attracted to men doesn’t experience this because they are attracted to men so their attraction isn’t fake.

However that doesn’t mean comphet cannot affect other women somehow. It can affect bi sapphics, pan sapphics, aro/ace women, even straight women. When it affects them it’s more in a sense of centering men in your life. It’s thinking it’s inevitable to end up with a man, it’s thinking you’re less valid if you’re not in a relationship with one, etc…

From the things you said it is very possible you’re not attracted to men.

A sapphic who’s actually bi and is choosing to not date men would probably not pick her crushes, when it comes to thinking about men sexually/romantically they probably feel something positive.

Not feeling anything at all when you’re trying to tell whether you’re attracted to someone or not IS NOT attraction. A lot of people think you must be disgusted to mean you’re not attracted to someone but that’s not necessarily what happens sometimes.

Anxiety (the bad kind, not butterflies) isn’t normal when it comes to someone you’re supposed to be attracted to.

[sapphic-cultureis]

hey, i have a question/rant because i need advice on something-

im genderfluid, my gender assigned at birth is female, now heres the thing

im omniromantic, and only sexually attracted to other people assigned female at birth

I don’t really know what label to use for that?? I’ve been leaning towards sapphic recently, but, I’ve always felt like the word “sapphic” was more just a wlw kinda thing. I don’t fully identify as a woman most of the time, and I’m not only sexually attracted to those who identify as a woman, just those afab

heLp??

Hey there anon!

First of all, I'm also afab genderfluid! So, solidarity there!

Second, sapphic just means you love women. Remember, sapphic does not equal lesbian. Some sapphics are lesbians, but others are bisexual, or pansexual, or omnisexual, or polysexual!

I made a post a while back defining sapphic. Here's a link, but basically the gist of it is that if you're not a monogender man, and you love women, then you're sapphic!

Hope this helped! Let me know if you have any other questions :)

[minileena]

Zookeeper - part 12

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“Hey, uh… weird, out-of-the-blue offer, but my friend bailed on me last minute to go see a movie tomorrow night, and I wanted to see if you’d be down to fill his spot?”

I prayed that my sense of dread didn’t show on my face. Oh, god, Jasper is asking me out. I need to shut this boy down now.

“Uh… I… I can’t think of a not-blunt way of saying this, so I’ll just kinda throw it out there, I guess,” I said, unable to make eye contact. “I’m, uh, not straight?”

Technically true, though I hesitated to call myself a lesbian. The label I liked to use was ‘sapphic,’ in part because the word and the flag are really pretty, but also because the term is very vague—all it means is that you’re female-identifying and are romantically/sexually attracted to other female-identifying people. It didn’t necessarily exclude men, of course. Bi women are, by definition, sapphic as well. But my feelings regarding my attraction in that direction were… mixed.

Obviously, none of this was the real reason I turned Jasper down hard.

Layna was my friend. Maybe one of my best. And I could not shake my feelings of disgust at how this man treated my friend.

He threatened her, bullied her, scared her into submission… I’d been trying not to let him know I had been avoiding him, but I just couldn’t look into his eyes and see anything other than his smug face holding Layna up by the ankle and asking her if she ‘remembered her place.’

I had been hoping that Jasper would just politely excuse himself at that, but instead he just nodded. “As a friend, then. You know I accept everyone for who they are no matter what,” he prompted with a serious look.

Sheesh, red flag. Overcompensating for that kind of stuff usually meant you have an issue with that kind of stuff. I wondered if he would go around and tell all his pals about his new ‘gay best friend.’ I nodded with a smile anyways, putting him at ease.

“I just feel like I haven’t gotten to chat with you for a while, Evelyn!” He continued. “All the other staff here are so weird and stuffy. You’re my only cool coworker! I really just wanna hang out, even if platonically.”

Ugh. He’s pushing more. I had to fight hard not to let the disgust show on my face as I briefly entertained the idea that he was playing his little ‘game of dominance’ with me.

He wasn’t, of course—I was actually a person in his eyes, after all.

“I… maybe another time, Jasper,” I said noncommittally. “I’m pretty busy this week.”

Jasper held his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright, no worries. But, y’know… if you’re ever bored, you have my number. I’m always down to hang out.”

I gave him a polite nod and a smile before turning and leaving.

God, that left such a horrible taste in my mouth.

Time to go make it infinitely worse by dehumanizing my best friend on camera.

Layna, to her credit, had the poker face of an absolute professional. She looked as dead inside as the first day we met, curled up on her bed, a half-finished drawing sketched out on her pad next to her. I let out a casual noise of acknowledgment and she did the same, tone dead and hopeless.

An oscar-worthy performance. If only I was as gifted in the art of lying as she was.

I tried my best, I really did. For the purposes of our little act, I did a passable job at pretending to think of my friend in the same way I would think of a rodent of middling intellect.

But there were days I couldn’t look her in the eyes. Days that tears threatened to well. On those days, Layna would give me an encouraging smile, facing away from the camera.

Today, though, was not one of those days.

“Can ya scooch?” I asked casually, waving her off of my bed so I could pretend to check under it. With a sigh, she complied, moving over to a flat spot of stone to sit atop and watch as I poked around the fluff.

I leaned in closer, pretending to take a closer look.

“Tomorrow night,” I whispered as softly as I could manage.

I saw a nearly imperceptible nod. I was sure Layna was counting the days just fine on her own, but she didn’t have a calendar in here, so I figured it would be good to confirm—

“Your breath stinks,” Layna whispered as I finished up my ‘inspection.’

I pursed my lips, barely suppressing a smile and a surprised chuckle. I gave her a look, only to see her grinning back at me, face turned away from the camera.

My friend…

I finished my work with her tank. Then I left wordlessly.

Tomorrow night, I would get to hug my friend again.

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[pridepages]

Shouldding On Ourselves

I just finished Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

Forbidden romance is a trope that tantalizes readers. Lots of us want to be teased with a bite of the forbidden fruit--and Meryl Wilsner’s Mistakes Were Made is a juicy one!

Mistakes is the story of Cassie Klein, a college senior who meets Erin Bennett, a sexy older woman, at a bar. The two hook up in the parking lot and part ways, fully expecting never to see each other again. Imagine their consternation when they meet again at breakfast and discover that Cassie’s best friend is Erin’s daughter! Erin and Cassie know there are plenty of reasons for them to stop this disaster right here. But what starts as addictively mind-blowing sex deepens into an illicit romance. What will happen when their friends and family discover the truth?

Titillating taboo keeps readers along for the ride. But woven between each steamy sapphic sex scene are themes of desire and repression, particularly how they impact women in our society. To be raised as a woman is to be raised with expectations by the world that we learn to internalize and dictate to ourselves: “Oh, I want chocolate cake. But I shouldn’t have dessert.” “I want to lie on the couch all day, but I really should catch up on my chores.” “I don’t want to wear a dress, or makeup, or shave my legs. But I should look groomed.”

On and on it goes.

This insidious little word--should--triggers a learned response to ignore our natural desires. It seems inconsequential, but the repercussions can be serious and lifelong. 

One fateful day I was out at a party with friends. We were talking about our romantic histories, people we found attractive, etc. Suddenly, our resident bi queen turned to me and asked me point blank: “Are you queer?”

And my response was: “I don’t know.” Not a definitive “No.” I didn’t know. It genuinely hadn’t occurred to me that I was even allowed to ask myself that question.

That day led to some long conversations in therapy. Ones about my relationships with friends, family, and even myself. At one point, my counselor stopped me and said: “You say ‘should’ a lot. You talk about the ways you ‘should’ be feeling instead of the ways you actually feel. Fuck ‘should.’ Stop shouldding on yourself!”

That was life-changing advice. 

I stopped shouldding on myself. I forced myself to redirect every time I started to spiral over worries that I wasn’t measuring up, that I wasn’t believable in my identity, that what I wanted for my life was wrong.

So you can imagine me cheering Erin right along when she says: “Fuck should. It doesn’t matter what I’ve been trained to think I’m ‘supposed’ to do. What do I want? What makes me feel good? What will make my relationships stronger? Those are the questions that matter. Not what should I do.”

It’s not perfect. I still feel those terrible urges to please, to say the ‘right’ thing, to get an A in living my life like that’s a thing that’s possible to do. But I take comfort and courage from the fact that I’m not the only one working on unlearning this tic. Consider: during the lockdowns of the COVID 19 pandemic, a wave of women came out of the closet. Many factors probably contributed to that. But I’m willing to bet that at least one was the fact that--shut up in isolation with fewer obligations to distract and no other voices shouldding them down--many opened themselves back up to their dormant inner voices. Women began relearning how to identify their natural desires. Surprise! At least some of those desires were gay as hell!

I salute the courage of the late bloomers who have come out of the closet even if it meant upending their life. Defying the expectations of others, making choices that can even hurt others, is a frightening thing when we’re taught to prioritize everyone else over ourselves. But, like Erin, we need to remember that our courage can be a model for the ones who need it most. As Erin tells her daughter: “I want you to do anything you want to. It’s your choice...You get to find out what’s right for you. You get to make mistakes along the way. It’s your life.”

There’s no ‘right’ way to be twenty-one years old, or thirty-eight years old, or any other age along the road. Each life is a beautiful, unique work of art. But we have to remember: not every person is going to love every artwork out there. “Sometimes we have to do things that make us uncomfortable for people we love.” That’s ok. It’s your life. It’s your masterpiece.

So go out there and do whatever the hell you want. And, for the love of god, stop shouldding on yourself!

[rustedskyprisms]

I sent that ask bc I'm a shy sapphic mutual who thinks you're super pretty & rad, and Iwas just curious since I'd only seen you posting about guys but didn't want to assume. For what it's worth, I think how you feel is not as unusual as you think— I've heard other bisexuals say the same thing about their attraction to women being so intense that they find it intimidating and kind of shy away from those feelings as a result. I sincerely apologize if I made you uncomfortable, I didn't mean to be invasive or bother you, nor do I assume you'd be attracted to me. I know you're in a vulnerable place and not emotionally available, anyway. Perhaps it would have been less foolish to have just said "you're really beautiful and anyone would be lucky to befriend or date you" bc it's true, and you deserve to feel confident in that fact even if you're at a low point right now

I’m so sorry if that came across as rude, I’m just a very shy person as well and I’m not used to getting positive attention for my looks. I always question people’s intentions because my self esteem is extremely low. I really appreciate this and I’m sorry if I came across as rude or like it offended me.

[life-through-my-eyess]

I wouldn’t mind some advice.

I’m a lesbian. I matched with the most wonderful woman on a dating app maybe three weeks ago. We hit it off, basically one of us would send 30+ messages and the other would respond in kind, constant questions back and forth.

However, her profile didn’t indicate her sexuality at all, and she said she was figuring out her dating goals. So I have no idea if she’s just speaking to me as a friend or what. Surely she knows a lesbian on a dating app is, well…wanting to date?

We met up this weekend. She dressed up, did her make up. I don’t know if she is someone who always takes pride or if she was doing it specifically for me. We are both nervous and it starts a little awkwardly, but we end up eating together and chatting for 2.5 hours and then she wants to take me to get coffee after quickly.

Here’s the thing. She said she’s an ally. She talked about men as if they are inevitable. But she also said she has never been attracted to one irl, only fictional (she said fictional women too), and has never had sex with one and doesn’t want to. She referred to the idea of marrying a man as a transaction. She said she thinks “all girls are so so so pretty” but didn’t seem to fully clock that maybe there’s interest there. She seemed really averse to romance and sex in general. I got the sense that she’s certainly wondered if maybe she’s queer but seemed really stuck.

In a way that kind of confirmed for me that it wasn’t a date, except it really felt like a date. I’ve met up with sapphics before who I had purely platonic vibes with and the vibe was different. I complimented her eyes, just randomly because the thought came into my head, and she looked a little shook but not uncomfortable? She also seemed to fully acknowledge that apps are usually for dating too.

Anyway I guess because I’ve always known I’m a lesbian since like birth, I’d love to know if anyone can understand her perspective or why exactly she wanted to go out with a lesbian.

Hey, thank you for reaching out. I apologise for the delay with the response.

Tbh she seems very confused. I mean, she’s probably on the dating apps to speak to other women to maybe befriend them and see if she likes women or not. She’s probably trying to figure it out. You can meet some of the best people through dating apps, dating apps are not used just for dating. I’ve had it in the past where I’ve only wanted more queer friends and that’s where I could find them. She probably wanted to just speak to a lesbian and see maybe how they view things. She also might find it hard to actually go out there and speak to lesbians.

If you like this girl I’d suggest you just be open and honest about it with her. Ask her the questions as you are getting to know her. We sometimes assume things but we never ask the person and often we get it wrong.

You can ask her if she’s ever dated a girl? Or if she ever sees herself with one etc. Maybe you could have the mindset of just being friends, starting basic and see where things lead if you like her a lot you can progress it if it feels right and comfortable if not you have made a great new friend.

I understand that people can be challenging sometimes and it’s never easy. But if you ask all the right questions even when there is a closed book you will find answers you never thought you’d find.

I know I haven’t said much but I truly believe she is confused. Feel free to keep me updated on how things are going. I’d love to hear more 🥰 💕.