#like I either need to be asexual or have a normal sex drive the 0 to 100 is so annoying

[sleavesofgrass]

I’m either completely sexually repulsed or literally the horniest person in the entire world no in between and I’d love that to stop

[saltandlimes]

The longer I’m with my partner, the more uncomfortable I feel with strong physical intimacy, like kissing and sex. I always thought I’d like it more once I got used to it, but instead it’s been the opposite, and I find myself almost dreading it, like something I have to put up with to earn the rest of the relationship stuff I do enjoy. Is this just a sign I’m more asexual than I thought?? I don’t know how to bring it up without hurting their feelings..

Some preliminary thoughts for you. If you once had desire for physical intimacy, and it vanished, then that’s a time to visit a doctor. Note: asexuality is not a reason to visit the doctor. However, sudden loss of libido is.There are some really serious conditions that can manifest as a loss of sexual desire, and they’re worth getting checked out.

But if that’s not what you’re experiencing, or you’ve never felt strong sexual desire and just were hoping that it would appear, then yes, maybe you aren’t as interested in sex as you thought you might be. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! There’s a huge diversity in human experiences of libido (sex drive) and they range from 0 to 100, with all options being great.

If you’re on the low to no end, then you absolutely don’t have to “put up with” physical intimacy that makes you uncomfortable. Some people who don’t experience desire can happily have sex but won’t seek it out, but some can’t. That’s totally normal. However, it’s something you absolutely have to talk through with your partner!

Saying something about your own sexuality shouldn’t hurt your partner’s feelings, as long as you’ve got a good foundation in your relationship. Or, to put that a different way: if you can’t trust your partner not to get upset about something that is exclusive to your sexuality, then there might be bigger problems.

Now, that isn’t to say that their first reaction might not be “is it something I’ve done?” That’s a good, mature, reasonable reaction from a partner. But once you assure them that it isn’t, then they should support you and your thoughts.That’s not to say that the terms of your relationship might not shift - if they’re looking for a partner who wants to have sex every night and you would put up with it maybe twice a year, you’re fundamentally not going to meet one another’s needs. But that might not be the case, and you won’t know until you all talk about it. It could be that you’re both perfectly happy working out a system that accommodates both your needs! The key is to open up about your desires and reactions to things, so you can build a good foundation of trust vis a vis sex.

This isn’t a conversation that has to happen all in one fell swoop either. It can be an ongoing dialogue where you bring up the issue you’re having, and you both agree to come back and talk about it in a week, when you’ve both gotten a chance to think it over (and you’ve seen if it feels like a weight off your chest.) Take your time, and communicate, and you’ll end up in a spot that’s best for both of you.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Another Old File with the Same Idea....

Basically, this is what happens when I get bored, tired, and am done with homework.

I love self-inserts, and I love Otome games. As such, I began to wonder what would it be like if I, as myself with all my knowledge, suddenly found myself in the place of the MC.

This came from it. I warn you- this is highly self-indulgent and I have way to much fun with it.

-0-

When I was 21, I woke up one day to find myself 17 again. At first, I thought it was a dream.

It wasn’t.

I was furious. Being a teen again sucked so hard. Dealing with depression, hormones, confusing feels of sexuality…

However, I didn’t focus to much on it. Not when something happened that didn’t before.

My elder brother died. He tried some drugs, and got the wrong ones.

I was in shock for a long time. My parent’s couldn’t either. My little brother broke to. Ran off as soon as he turned 10, vanished. I fell into a fog even worse, my parents drew away from me in their own depression.

I in turn began to write. Stories I’d shared with my brothers, stories I’d promised to get published.

I sold them online and became fairly known among certain online communities as I went to school, choosing corrections once more, my parents leaving Canada for California. I was left alone completely.

I was 20 wen I got the call from police. Leo, my little brother, had been found.

He was dead himself. Got into the same lifestyle as Carver, our oldest brother, had been in.

He was thirteen.

I went on a bender, woke up with a book written about Jenny and her little brother Eric. Jenny was a cop while Eric was a gangster. The two were hunting down their elder brother’s killer, Jenny legally and Eric illegally.

I sent it to a publisher, got it published under a pen name, and soon it was a popular crime novel. I wrote a sequel, in which Jenny and Eric found out about the gang connection their grandparents had.

I finished school  and just wrote. It was therapeutic really, writing the novels. Made me focus.

I also found out that for some reason, Voltage Amemix had never made Astoria: Fate’s Kiss or Gangsters in Love. After a period of pouting, I decided to write them into books, though with small changes for my own amusment, and in case they ever did release them.

I was 23 when my parents asked me to come house sit/dog sit. I agreed without much thought. Calfironia would be nice…

-0-

“Who is a good puppy!” I said, rubbing Ripley’s stomach. “Who is a good girl, it’s Ripley!” I giggled.

Ripley was a cute little black and white bishon shitsu my parents had gotten after our old dog, Doc, had to be put to sleep. She was a real softy, so cute and fluffy.

“Woof!” I laughed and turned to the larger dog.

“Don’t worry Seymour! You’re a good boy!” They also got a Great Dane. He was a surprise, but it was amusing. “Such good dogs!” After playing with said dogs for a while, I headed back to the house, whistling.

I liked my parent’s home. It was nice, quiet. Weirdly familiar, but nice. They had a nice guest room for me and my computers. Idly I noticed the mail, picking up a postcard from Hawaii where my parents had gone.

My parents… we rarely spoke anymore. Not after… not after everything. It was to hard, to difficult to try and get along anymore. We were just to broken.

“Do I wanna cook?” I asked myself out loud. “I could just bake some fries and call it good enough. I need to get the next chapter-“ A loud crash made me jump, Riley and Seymour yelping. I stare at the door to the backyard as it bangs open and a guy wearing a…

“Ski mask, really?” I can’t help but ask out loud, feeling my nerves get the best of me. “That’s kinda cliché man, like, wow, very cool, but you know you could have-“

“Shut up!” snapped the man, two others following him in. Seymour took off whimpering while Ripley jumped into my arms and began barking wildly at the men.

So the big dog runs, the little dog stays… lovely.

“Where are your parents?” asked the man, and I frowned.

“…Why do you need a gym owner and a mental health nurse?” the man snarled.

“Stop playing around!” Ripley snarled at him. “And shut the rat up!” I glared, feeling my heart pick up speed. I was no fighter. I worked out, did yoga, all that crap, but… not a fist fighter. And my dad- unfortunately- had gotten rid of all his guns from our farming days years back.

“Look, I’m just house-sitting for them.” I told the man who laughed mockingly.

“Oh, sure. Boys- mess this place up.” With that, they began to rip apart the house, throwing things around, smashing random vases and ornaments. I opened my mouth to say something when the front door was kicked down. I turned only to freeze.

I’d found that my memory had grown incredibly sharp since my little time travel. I could remember minute details down to a button colour. And this guy? This guy I remembered.

Chance Valentine.

…Oh fuck, I was in an Otome game.

 -0-

I hesitated, looking around. Knowing how it could all go down gave me insight. One of which was that I had no interest in being a gangster’s sweetheart. I knew they could be nice people but… I was a writer, I had a life not related to them. I wasn’t the MC, where apparently she did odd jobs and had no idea what she wanted from life.

So I had to chose carefully. Not Aurora or Yoshimitsu or Irving. Flirting made me uncomfortable in genral, and faking a relationship would irritate me.

Chance, Ash or Mateo… No, not Mateo. Flirting again. Chance… honestly, I’d end up punching him. So… Ash.

“I’d like to stay with Ash,” I said finally, scratching Ripley’s ears. Quiet, not my type at all, and the dogs liked him.

 -0-

“Thought you were ace,” Leo told me as we sat on the couch.

“Hmm?” I ask, holding onto him tightly, ignoring the others who were talking among themselves, using Leo’s knowledge to it’s fullest.

“Asexual. You used to say you were, so…” I chuckled.

“Leo, just because I’m ace doesn’t mean I can’t have a romantic relationship.” I patiently tell him.

“But… you don’t like sex!” He protests a little loudly.

“…Do you really want the sex talk?” I ask him. Leo blushes brightly but glares. “Fine. Yes, I’m asexual. I don’t give two shits about sex, though I will fully admit it is enjoyable and I don’t mind having it semi regularly with my boyfriend. But sex does not equal romance Leo. Romance is something far different- if Ash and I never had sex again I’d still love him with all of my heart.” I told my little brother firmly.

“But… what ‘bout that aro stuff?”

“Aromantic?” I asked him, sighing as I leaned my head against the back of the couch. “It means someone who does not feel romantic feelings whatsoever.”

“And you used to-“ I groaned, loudly.

“Leo, yes. I am somewhat aro. I don’t…” I frowned, trying to think. “I never went searching for romance because I never felt it important enough to do so. I would be completely fine being single for the rest of my life if Ash and I broke up. I would probably be anyway if we did. I honestly do not think I could find anyone after him,” I admitted to my brother. “Ash… I really lucked out with Ash.” I can’t keep my awed tone out of my voice. “I picked him because I knew he would drive me crazy the least. I have no idea what to do with flirting half the time- why do people do it?” I asked, confused.

“Please they think people are attractive?” Leo asked me.

“Why though? I mean, yes, I can see that they are pleasing to the eye, but… why just…” I make a hand motion vaguely. “Anyway, I knew Aurora and Yoshimitsu liked to flirt- they were flirting with me right away. I had no fucking clue what to do, so nope. Irving… well, I could have been a lawyer. I knew a few who were going to be one- no fucking thank you.”

“That bad?” Leo asked me in amusement. His eyes flickered to something and back.

“You don’t know the half of it,” I muttered, not bringing up the fake fiancé thing that could have happened. “Chance…”

“You would have punched him.”

“Been five years and you still know me so well baby brother.” I ruffled his hair. “I chose Ash because I figured I could at least tolerate him. I never thought…” I smiled to myself. “I fell in love. And I love it.”

“What ‘bout the fed. Aren’t you flirting…”

“Fuck no!” I said. “I’m trying to get him to back off. Aren’t I doing it right?” I asked Leo who chuckled.

“No.”

“Ah, fuck.” I whined. “Seriously? I mean… okay, I guess he’s attractive I think but…”

“You have no wish to bang him?” Leo asked me, chuckling at something he saw over my shoulder.

“Fuck no. Still ace even if my boyfriend is wicked hot and I love getting down and dirty with him.”

“…Ewwww.”

“Well, you started this conversation,” I told Leo.

“…You don’t seem to happy though.” Leo said, eyes flickering again.

“Because Ash is being an idiot and I feel like I need to threaten him with a gun.” I said bluntly. “I like our relationship the way it is, but he’s convinced we need to try being ‘normal’ or some shit. I like just… beign together. Yeah, dating is nice, but we also don’t need to be Rory or Yoyo and make out every fucking where. Like… why? I really don’t want a black light in-“

“Hey!” A voice called and I went bright red as Leo laughed. I turned to see the gang- and Mateo- watching us. Yoshimitsu was pouting at me.

“Dear fucking lord I forgot you were here…” I turned and glared at Leo. “I hate you.”

“Hey, you were the one who fell for it.” Leo laughed. “…Though, the aro thing…”

“Gah!” I threw my hands up. “Technically I’m greyromantic, alright? I feel romantic feelings it’s just rare as fuck, okay?” I fall off the couch with a groan. “Can we stoooop.”

“No, I’m curious.” Aurora announced. “…Do we make you uncomfortable with flirting?” I blinked and propped myself up to stare at the gang. Ash looks as blank as ever, while Yoshimistu and Aurora are both looking at me with big eyes. Mateo looks a little embarrassed but amused.

“Yes and no? I mean- I know you don’t mean it you two. But… I will admit sometimes you push the limit, alright?” I told them bluntly. “I like it when Ash flirts, but he’s my boyfriend and I love him- that’s different.”

 -0-

“Aren’t you ace?” Leo asked me as we lay on the living room floor, both exhausted.

“Hmm?”

“Asexual, right? You said so when you were younger.” Leo told me honestly. “But your in a relationship…”

“Leo…” I sighed and sat up. “First, romance and sex are not the same. Otherwise one night stands wouldn’t happen. Second, just because I’m ace doesn’t mean I don’t like sex. I don’t feel sexual attraction, yes, but I do enjoy sex and find Rory hot, alright?” I chuckled at his face.

“You said you were aro to.”

“Greyromantic- bit different.” I told him honestly. “I don’t…” I let out a long sigh. “Romance is weird, alright? I can write it, I can read it, I can see it, but I never felt the need to search out a partner until Rory came into my life. I fell for her.” I smiled softly.

 -0-

“I am going to end up throwing my textbook at his head, I fucking swear.” I muttered under my breath. Ash chuckled from his position beside me on the couch. I was laying curled up, reading a particularly thick textbook on the management of justice organizations.

Girlfriend of a gangster or not, I was not going to quit my bachelors. Besides, Irving had agreed to let me ‘intern’ for the year long work placement. Easy.

“You’ll damage the book more then his head,” Ash said as Yoshimitsu was bickering with Aurora as usual, but it had gotten annoying enough I wanted to toss a book at him.

“I know.” I muttered, turning a page.