#like I am going to be thinking about this ask for the next month at least I stg tysm
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juniperskye · 1 day ago
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You’re…intimidating.
Based on the following ask: For Hotch x reader, could I please request charming witty reader who Hotch has an obvioussss crush on and he's trying to flirt but he's out of practice and she's pretty extroverted, confident so she just doesn't register he's interested and he's getting grief from the team for being all puppy dog eyes at her? Pref non-BAU reader but maybe she works in a different FBI dept or she's a lawyer/consultant they work with often and Hotch is always the first to suggest working with her so he's not being subtle in wanting to spend time with her lol. Feel free to adapt!! Thanks!! ❤️Okay pookie!!! I’ve been thinking about this one and it might end up pretty self-indulgent and for that I am sorry – girlie works for cybercrimes (but transfers to the BAU – sorry it felt right) and she’s the best of the best like Penelope worships her…she’s a little alternative so Hotch admires her from afar because she’s not his usual type just PURE FLUFF
Aaron Hotchner x FBI! Fem Reader
Fluff
Word count: 2674
Not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!
Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, age gap (reader is late 20’s, Aaron is 45), some explicit language, not an OC but reader is described to have some tattoos and piercings (nothing specific though), reader works for cybercrimes and is SUPER tech savvy, idiots in love, Hotch pining hard, tooth rotting fluff, canon typical violence, mentions of hacking and breaking laws, reader is an extroverted introvert, Reader is called “Agent Z” or “Z” because she is a gen z, let me know if I missed any
I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.
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“Hotchner, this is the third time this month you’ve requested her. I’m beginning to think we should be offering her a spot in the BAU.” Director Cruz teased.
“If she’d be willing, I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.” Hotch shrugged.
“I’ll put in the consultation request and maybe I’ll bring up the idea of a transfer to her.”
Hotch stood and returned to the sixth floor, promptly running into Penelope, as she was making her way back to the Batcave.
“So, I heard I might be getting some assistance on our next case! You know if you keep inviting Agent Z to join us, I’m going to get used to having her around.”
“Would that be so bad?” Hotch asked.
“No, it definitely wouldn’t…unless she stops coming around.” Penelope retorted.
The look on Hotch’s face gave him away, there was a brief flash of disappointment at the suggestion of you not coming around anymore. He couldn’t bear the thought…which made him even more nervous than you did. Speaking of…
“Hey Hotch!” You called effectively startling him.
“Hello! I uh – I wasn’t expecting you so soon.”
“Ah well, Cruz emailed the request over and I got the notification, so I figured there was no time to waste.” You shrugged.
“Well, we might as well debrief the team then.” Aaron offered, gesturing toward the conference room.
--
Here’s the deal, Aaron had feelings for you, you had captivated him the first time he saw you. It was a Tuesday in July, the weather had been unforgiving…hot and humid, not ideal for the business attire of FBI agents.
As he made his way into the building, he’d taken note of how nearly everyone had their suit jackets or blazers slung over their arms, their sleeves rolled up as they hurried into the air-conditioned building.
But then there was you. You were wearing these chunky black loafers and black trousers, your top had been a simple black tank, it was hugging your skin in a way that made Aaron’s mouth go dry. You had a checkered cardigan tossed over your forearm that you had clearly removed. It allowed Aaron a view of the tattoos that adorned your arms.
He couldn’t explain the pull he felt…you had been so different from any woman he’d ever had any interest in before, but maybe that’s why things never worked out with them. Maybe the others were too stiff, too proper. Maybe he needed a little chaos in his life.
--
During the debriefing, Aaron had made sure you were sat next to him. He let Penelope present the case as usual and allowed time for theories. While Derek and Emily were talking back and forth about the possible age and gender of the unsub, Aaron’s eyes were trained on you. He could see your mind running a mile a minute.
“What is it?” Aaron asked, tapping your arm gently.
“Oh, no. I was just thinking. There’s something about the photo’s that were left at the crime scene…it feels familiar.” You shrugged.
“Have you seen another case like this?”
“I think so…” You pulled open your laptop and began searching through old case files and evidence you’d logged over the years. “Here! Hotch, look at this!”
Aaron leaned over, leaving hardly any space between the two of you. His gaze shifted from your profile to your computer screen, taking in the images before him. On your screen were photos that were nearly identical to those in the file the team had just reviewed.
It seemed as though this unsub took photos to document their work. Leaving some behind at the crime scenes, taunting law enforcement.
“We didn’t have very many leads back when this came across my desk, but I have new programs I can use to run these photos through now and with Penelope’s help, I think we could finally get this guy.” You explained.
“Alright, why don’t you travel with us so you can access the physicals of the photos.” Aaron suggested.
“Okay!”
“Alright then, wheels up in thirty.” Aaron commanded.
--
“Hey Agent Z! You joining us again?” Derek nudged you gently.
“Not this time, I was just asked to come and consult on a case.” You replied.
 “Oh, I see. Bossman calling in his favorite once again.”
“Stop! It’s not like that Derek.”
“Girl…you and I both know that it is.” Derek laughed and walked off.
You made your way to Aaron’s office, knocking on the door. When he calls out for you to enter, you go straight for the chair in front of his desk, plopping into it with a huff.
“You alright?” Aaron asks, concern lacing his tone. “We could do this later if you’re not up for it.”
“No! I’m happy to help! I’ve just got a decision to make, and I don’t know what to do.” You sighed. “Let’s talk about this case!”
Aaron and you went through the case that had been sent in from the NYPD. You were confused as to why he’d called you in to consult, the case had seemed pretty cut and dry…something Aaron would typically delegate to Derek or Dave. The tech aspect to this case was so minute, it was common sense…but you didn’t want to call him out on it.
--
“Thanks again for your help, hopefully the NYPD can close that case pretty quickly now.” Aaron walked you over toward the elevators.
“Any time. I like working with you and the BAU.” You smiled cheerfully.
“So um, what was that decision you have to make?” He inquired.
“Oh, uh…well, Cruz asked me if I wanted to transfer from Cybercrimes over to the BAU actually.”
“That’s great! I mean – I uh. Do you think you’ll do it?”
“I’m thinking about it for sure! It’s just, I’ve been with Cybercrimes for so long, I’d feel bad leaving them…ya know?”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
You said your goodbyes and you headed back to your office on the eighth floor. Aaron stood there for a bit, looking after you as you made your exit. He stood there a beat longer before turning and heading back to his office. Only he didn’t get that far. Upon walking through the glass doors, he was met with the whole team standing there waiting for him.
“You’re down bad Hotch.” Emily said.
“Yeah, that was almost painful to watch.” JJ agreed.
“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” Hotch shook his head and made his way back to his office.
--
Agreeing with the director to have you transferred was, quite possibly, the dumbest decision that Aaron could have ever made. He already struggled just being near you when you’d come and assist, but the thought of having you around all the time…what was he meant to do?
Subject: Agent Transfer – Effective immediately Good afternoon, This email is being sent to inform both the CCU and BAU of the immediate transfer of Agent Z. In discussing this transfer, she assured me that should the CCU need her assistance in a case, she’d happily help. She does, however, know that the agents on the team are more than capable of handling things. As for the BAU, given her expertise and background, she will travel with you as needed. I just want to remind you that Agent Z has a background in hacking, computer forensics, criminal justice, psychology, behavior analysis, amongst others. Utilize her skills – I believe she will make an incredible contribution to the BAU. Hotchner – her file was delivered to your office this morning. Also, she needs firearms training, please ensure she completes this before travelling with the team. Let me know if you have any questions. Mateo Cruz - Section Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit
Aaron read the email four times. You would be starting with the team today…he needs to get you scheduled for your firearms training and qualification exam. He figured he could do that while you get settled in the office adjacent to Penelope’s.
--
“Hey Hotch.” Your fingers rapped against the doorframe.
“Hi-Hello. Can I uh, show you to your office?” He asked.
“Penelope already beat you to it.” You teased. “But if you want to help me bring the last of my boxes down, that would be awesome.”
“Oh, I um-I…can-”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to! You’re a busy man, and I can ask Spence or Derek!”
“No, I’d love to help.” Aaron recovered.
“Okay.” You smiled.
Aaron led the two of you over to the elevator, allowing you to enter first, then following suit and pressing the button for the eighth floor. It slowly lifted before signaling your arrival on the CCU floor.
You guided Aaron to your old office where the last two boxes remained. There was an IT guy loading your monitors onto a cart, getting ready to move them for you. You looked around at the now empty space…it felt empty now, like it no longer belonged to you, and you supposed it didn’t anymore. Aaron couldn’t help but notice the slight sadness that took over your features.
“Are you alright?” He asked.
“Oh, yeah, I’m okay. It’s just odd, having had this office for the last four years, and now it’s empty…it’s not mine anymore.” Your gaze shifted downward. “It feels like the end of a chapter. While the feeling isn’t bad, because I’m really excited to be joining the BAU, it just feels kind of sad.”
“I know what you mean. I felt that same way when I left the law firm I worked at.” Aaron looked over at you.
You met his gaze, and he offered a small smile. You returned it, feeling this sense of comfort. He’d always brought up that feeling in you though. It was like this glowing warmth that spread its way through your entire being…but that flame only burned in you when he was around.
--
“And hold it just like that, good!” Aaron praised.
You fired three consecutive shots at the target, forming a neat cluster in the outlines chest. Pride bloomed in Aaron’s chest, and you squealed with excitement, throwing your arms around him!
“Thank you so much for helping me! There was no way I was going to pass this exam without you!”
“I’m not sure how you’ve been with the bureau this long and not had to get your firearm qualification.” Aaron shook his head with a laugh.
“Hey! I have been confined to the eighth floor for the last five-ish years, I haven’t needed to carry one.”
Aaron took note of the freckles that dusted your nose, and the way the light reflected in your eyes. He thought for a moment about how close you were, and how easy it would be to just lean in the last few inches and capture your lips in a kiss. But he had to shake the thought away.
--
“I PASSED!” You shouted, running your way through the BAU bullpen.
“Good lord, what are you yelling about?” Dave asked, coming out of his office.
“I PASSED! I PASSED!” You waved your firearms certificate in the air, making your way over to Aaron’s office.
He exited his office to see what the commotion was all about, seeing you shaking your hand, waving a piece of paper around like a mad woman. He was mesmerized by you. You were 100% yourself and he admired you for it, you weren’t worried about how others perceived you. You only worried about your own opinion; you wanted to be the best version of yourself always.
“HOTCHHH, I PASSED!” You ran over to him and jumped into his arms, wrapping your own around his neck.
Aaron held you tight, lifting you off the ground for just a moment before noticing the look on Dave’s face. He placed you down and quietly congratulated you. He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at getting caught by Dave. He knew that he had done nothing wrong…but he also knew that Dave could read him better than anyone else.
--
“Okay, when are you going to ask that girl out?” Dave huffed, sitting in the chair across from Aaron.
“Dave.” Aaron scolded. “It’s inappropriate.”
“Aaron…you deserve it. Happiness I mean. So, are you going to let it pass you by or are you going to seize the moment?”
“Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but we have a case.” Penelope informed. “It’s a child abduction.”
“Let everyone know we’re leaving now – we will brief on the plane.” Aaron commanded.
“Is Z going with you?” Penelope asked.
“Yes!” Dave answered for Aaron.
--
Aaron always sat next to you on the plane. It had been purely accidental, you’d sat in his usual seat and though Aaron wouldn’t say anything, Spencer did. So, you moved over into the adjacent window seat and Aaron slid in next to you. Since then, you’d always sat there.
Like now for example, the BAU was headed home after a two-week long case. The unsub had been way too good at covering his tracks, he’d had the entire team stumped. Thankfully you’d found his slipup in a dark web chatroom. He’d posted video of him torturing his latest victim in a chatroom used by very sick people. It was flagged once you’d turned on notifications for keywords and certain video content. After receiving the notification, Penelope and you were able to track an IP address and narrow down the location.
It had been exhausting honestly, running around, back and forth, interviewing people, going through evidence, just going until you found this guy…and now that was finally catching up to you. Your head had been bobbing off to the side as you fought the throws of sleep. As you began dozing off once more, Aaron reached over and led your head to rest on his shoulder. You finally settled and snuggled a bit further into his side, and for once he leaned back and let himself rest on the flight home.
Emily pointed JJ and Derek’s attention over to the two of you and then giggled. Derek quickly snapped a picture and sent it in their group chat. Penelope was quick to reply with the happy tears emojis and saying “finally”.
--
Things had shifted slightly after that. And while the team still teased Aaron about his very obvious crush on you, he finally allowed himself to be more confident in his interactions with you. He realized that Dave was right…maybe he did deserve happiness.
He’d invited you to get lunch with him a few times during work and he’d brought you coffee. He thought he was making his affection for you more obvious…but you still didn’t budge. He was beginning to worry that you didn't feel the same.
But it all came to a head when he decided he needed to be direct. Not on his own…Emily and JJ had to confront him and then convince him that you did like him, you just didn’t think he liked you.
--
You walked into the elevator, just about to click the button to the sixth floor when an arm reached in to stop the door from closing.
“Oh! Good morning Hotch.” You greeted. “Sorry, if I had seen you coming I’d have held the door.”
“No worries.” He forgave. “Do you um – do you have any plans tonight?”
“No, I was thinking of ordering a pizza and watching an episode of The Great British Bake Off. What about you?”
You’re reply had been so innocent and sweet. Just a simple response to his question, not reading into what he was truly asking you.
“Sweetheart, though your plans sound wonderful…will you go to dinner with me tonight?” He asked.
Your jaw dropped, only for a moment as you worked to regain your composure. Had you really been that blind? The girls had told you time and time again that he was interested, and you’d brushed it off, not wanting to get your hopes up…but here he is now, asking you out.
“I would love to.” You smiled.
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Taglist: @bernelflo@pastelpinkflowerlife@just-moondust
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avastrasposts · 1 day ago
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The Blind Date
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Plot: Your friend Benny sets you up on a blind date with his friend.
Frankie Morales x female reader
Warnings: None what so ever, it's all fluff
Word count: 1.7k
A/N: Someone said imagine going on a blind date with Frankie, and I did! Just a little Sunday snack to serve as distraction from everything else.
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“So, I’ve got this friend…” Benny snatched a beer from the fridge and handed it to you before grabbing one for himself, “and he’s single…” 
“No, no blind dates, Benny, please!” you protested as you stirred the sizzling garlic, “I’ve been on your street all but five minutes, and you want to set me up? I need to find a new favorite coffee place and a new hairdresser before I can even start thinking about dating again.” 
“It’s been like two months since you moved here, and you should only get your coffee from Beany’s on Maple. And this guy, I’ve been saving him for you…” Benny wiggled his eyebrows up and down as you shook your head, “I’ve got plenty of other female single friends asking for his number, but I’ve said no, I was saving him for someone special.” 
“More like, you’ve slept with all your other female single friends, and you’re not about to hand him sloppy seconds,” you scoffed, “I know you, Benjamin Miller, you were a slut before you settled down.” 
“Ok, we’re not discussing my former dating life here, but rather the lack of yours,” Benny retorted, pointing the neck of his beer bottle at you, “And I’ve already given him your number, so you can expect a call from a certain Francisco Morales any day now.” 
“Is this the guy you call ‘Fish’?” you asked. Over the years you’ve heard a lot about ‘Fish’, ‘Pope’ and ‘Redfly’ from Benny. Mostly he told you about his brother Will though, ‘Ironhead’ to the rest of them. 
“Yeah, that’s the one. And you should give him a chance, go out on one date at least, I know you guys will get along because you both enjoy ribbing me any chance you get,” he chuckled as you nodded along. 
“Well, in that case, I like him already.” 
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Francisco Morales didn’t call you the next day, he texted, which put him back in the negatives in your book. But you’d promised Benny to go on one date with this guy, so you accepted when he asked if you’d like to meet him for dinner at a local tapas place. Now you were walking into that place, hoping the evening wouldn’t be a total bust. You’d made plans with your best friend from back home to call you in thirty minutes to give you an out if the evening went sideways. Enough time for some olives and a glass of wine and then decide if this friend of Benny’s was worth a Saturday night. 
“Oh, you’re in luck!” the hostess exclaimed as you gave her Francisco’s name, “He managed to book one of our best tables, and with the weather this nice, it’s perfect. Just follow me!”
The hostess escorted you through the restaurant and out to the patio in the back, your opinion of your blind date going up as you saw the space. It was a small patio overlooking the river and surrounded by lush greenery and tropical flowers.  A large tree strung with fairy lights illuminated a few tables, the breeze making them move and twinkle.
The hostess took you to a table at the edge of the patio, sheltered from the rest of the restaurant by the trunk of the tree and with a view of the river below. The man that was already seated stood up as you approached. 
“Here you go, miss, your server will be with you shortly,” the hostess said and slipped away as you held out your hand to the man. 
“Hi, you must be Francisco.”
“Hi, yeah, I am, but it’s usually Frankie, or Frank,” he replied, taking your hand with a shy smile, “Or maybe ‘Fish’, since you’re Benny’s friend.” 
He pulled out your chair for you, and you sat down, taking a moment to look him up and down as he moved to his own chair. He was almost as tall as Benny, and almost as wide, but there was definitely more softness to him. Both in his face, his chin covered in a short trimmed patchy beard, and in the way he moved. When Benny had a confident swagger that bordered on the obnoxious if you didn’t know him, Francisco, ‘Frankie’ you corrected yourself, had a softer brand of confidence, one that was less obvious and gave him an air of shyness that came through as he sat down and glanced over at you. 
“Yeah, I’ve heard of ‘Fish’,” you smiled, “but he introduced you as Francisco when he set me up for this.” 
“Please, don’t believe half the stories,” Frankie returned your smile, dimples appearing in his cheeks, just as the server approached. 
Once drinks and food had arrived, the rest of the evening flowed easily. Frankie wasn’t as shy as he first came across, making you almost cry with laughter as he told you stories of some of the things he and Benny had gotten up to while deployed together. You repaid him by sharing some of your favorite ‘The Miller boys get into trouble’ stories from your time growing up. Frankie told you he’d file them away for careful future use while you were silently thanking Benny for setting you up with this man, he’d been right when he said you’d get along. 
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Frankie offered to drive you home, apologizing for the state of his old truck as he tossed a child’s toy in the booster seat in the back. Over dinner he’d told you about his four year old daughter, confessing that it made dating complicated, but that therapy had made him realize that he needed to prioritize himself too, if he was going to be a better dad to her. The sentiment had almost made you tear up, something in the way Frankie’s face softened when he talked about his daughter. 
The truck was old but cozy, rumbling to life as the radio came on to a typical ‘dad’ station with old rock. Frankie left the windows down as he drove through the almost empty streets across town. One hand on the steering wheel, the other resting either on the stick, or on the bench seat, close enough to your leg so that his pinky brushed against the fabric of your dress. You wanted to take his hand and lace your fingers through his, feel the warmth on your skin as he hummed along to Eddie Vedder. 
The drive wasn’t long enough, you wish you lived further away, but it turned out you lived only a mile from his house. He pulled up to your place in the middle of an argument about Nirvana and Guns n’ Roses. Frankie’s eyes were bulging out of his head as you refused to admit that Appetite for Destruction was a better album than Nevermind, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he began to laugh when you stuck your tongue out to him like a petulant five year old. 
“My daughter pulls the exact move when she runs out of excuses for why she shouldn’t be going to bed,” he chuckled as the truck went silent, “Just admit it, you’re wrong and I win.” 
“Never!” you declared dramatically and began to laugh too, thumping Frankie’s shoulder as he mimicked you with a cheeky grin. You didn’t want this date to end, you couldn’t remember the last time someone made you feel this good by just hanging out with them. Frankie made you laugh, asked about your life, shared details of his own. And when he touched upon more serious subjects, the death of Redfly, his divorce, he made you want to reach out and comfort him, to soothe some of the pain that flashed across his face. 
“I had a great time,” you admitted, as Frankie walked you to the door, “I’ll never hear the end of it from Benny.” 
Frankie smiled and nodded, “Same, I had a great time too, and I know Ben’s gonna be obnoxious about it. But I’d love to see you again, it’ll be worth putting up with his smug face for that.” 
“I’d like that,” you replied, stopping as you came to your front door, “Give me a call?” 
“You can count on it,” he answered, dropping his hand that had been resting on the small of your back. He suddenly glanced down at his shoes and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, before he looked up at you again. 
“Can I…kiss you goodnight?” he asked, his voice low and warm. There was a smile there, like he knew you wouldn’t say no, not after the evening you’d just shared. 
“Yes, please,” you replied, resisting the urge to look at his mouth, lacing your fingers through his as he moved closer, his breath ghosting over your lips. 
The warmth of his palm on your cheek was easy, natural, and then his lips found yours in a heartbeat. Heat flooded your body, your free hand finding his shoulder and holding on to the solid body under his shirt. Frankie let slip a low hum, deepening the kiss as you parted your lips to his tongue. He let go of your hand and wrapped his arm around your waist instead, pulling you closer as you took hold of his shirt, bunching it up in your fist, heart pounding in your chest. 
It was over far too soon, leaving you both slightly breathless and glass eyed as Frankie loosened his hold around your waist, but still kept you close. 
“Are you free tomorrow night?” he mumbled, his eyes still on your mouth. 
“Yes,” you replied, transfixed by the way his plump bottom lip looked after being kissed, rosy and slick. You reached up and slid your thumb across it, making Frankie briefly close his eyes. They were a shade darker when he opened them again. 
“Frankie,” you asked, “do you have plans for tomorrow morning?” 
He took a couple of beats to answer, his eyes narrowing with a slight smile. 
“No, I have no plans for tomorrow morning,” he finally replied and you tore your gaze from his mouth to look into his eyes.  
“Do you want to have breakfast with me?” 
“I would love to have breakfast with you,” he mumbled as you fumbled for your keys, pushing the door open. His lips were on yours again before you’d even grabbed him, pulling him over the threshold. 
Across the street, Benny grinned and got up from his porch swing. 
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Endless thanks to @i-own-loki for the lovely banner as always! Despite broken wifi and too much snow! :D
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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 21 hours ago
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Twelve Days: Part 5 **^
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Here's the next part! Sorry it took so long 😭 But A LOT happens in this part and it might make y'all a little angry but I think the ending makes up for it!
Full Series Masterlist
WC: 10.5K
Warnings: Infidelity, mentions of slight germaphobia, mentions of unkept/untidy home life, fear of abandonment, sex (unprotected, penetrative), mentions of divorce.
It didn’t take as long as you had been expecting to hear back from Harry. Just another few days, you had just gotten into your car after a dinner service at a client’s home when his call came in. You were excited but feeling a bit nervous regarding the purpose of the call, it could be very casual but given the precarious situation you all found yourselves in, it could also be a call about things getting even more complicated. Regardless of what it was, you wanted to hear his voice.
“Hello?” You answered as you started to take off.
“Hi, how was your day?” He asked and you smiled.
“It was alright. And yours?” You asked.
“Busy. I had two lectures today, I’m just getting my things together before going home.” He shared.
“Okay. I am just heading home myself.” You shared.
“Good, I’m glad we get to accompany each other on our drives.” He said and you smiled.
“So how was it when you got back home?” You asked.
“We had a fight…she AirTag-ged my car.” He disclosed and your features twisted in concern.
“What?!”
“Right? Said she needed to confirm that I would go see you. I told her that I would’ve been honest about my plans if she asked.” Harry explained.
“It’s not like we did anything bad.”
“That’s what I told her. She seemed surprised for some reason.”
“Maybe because I’ve always been the more…liberated of the two.” You explained and he chuckled a bit and you smiled. “This would also disprove her theory that you’ve been spending time with me to make her jealous. I feel like that pisses her off more than anything.” You explained. “She’s always been first choice…” you said, “I get it though. She just puts herself out there more and whatnot, she’s easier to notice. I don’t mind that. I’m definitely more of a background girl, it’s where I thrive and feel comfortable so I’ve never competed her for it and I think she might…sense this…us as me trying to compete with her.” You explained.
“Well that’s shitty for me.”
“It is. And I promise you, I’m not trying to compete for you.” You assured him.
“I know, love. It just sucks thatshe is…” he said solemnly.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered.
“Don’t feel bad for me, love.” He hummed.
“I do because you don’t deserve it. No one does! I just hopes she…gets some clarity soon. This is getting so insane.” You sighed.
“I don’t want to…create a bigger divide but she’s being pretty harsh towards you. She thinks it’s stupid of me to invest all this time in you because according to her, you’re a flake.” He said and you pouted.
“A flake?” You asked for clarification, you were shocked.
“Yep…she’s just saying things at this point.”
“Yeah.” You hummed.
“Well, I’ve given her a month, in my head. To just get her ducks in a row, meet with the lawyer, figure out what she’s going to do…if she doesn’t, I’m going to talk to your parents and ask them to please…reason with her.” He shared and you hummed, “Do you think they would?” He asked you.
“I think so…they love you so much. My mom has always said you’re the son she never got to have.” You shared and he chuckled.
“Did she?”
“She did! Has actually said it on multiple occasions.” You reassured him.
“Well that does make me feel better.” He hummed.
“Good.” You grinned.
After getting that over with, it was just some light conversation about the good and bad parts of your days until he had arrived home. You were going to do some grocery shopping before getting back to your apartment but assured him you’d let him know when you’d made it home. 
Thankfully, Ash hadn’t shown up again. You half expected another visit and had been feeling on edge arriving at your apartment the last few days, but with each passing day you  tried to let the anxiety diminish. You were loving your quiet life alone so far. You also liked your apartment and were sad that you might have to move if he ever showed up again, but you just needed to not see him again. It was disrespectful really, his inability to honor your wishes after he had left you the way he had. You were feeling even more upset by Bea telling him where you had moved to. You let her know that what she had done was completely unacceptable and just blocked her on everything. You’d observed the way she always got a little more flirty when Ash was around but didn’t think it’d get to the point where she’d share your private information just to get on his good side. Especially when she knew you wanted nothing more to do with him. Hopefully, you’d seen the last of him so that you could actually focus on the dilemma at hand. Your sister. 
You were genuinely feeling really worried over what Julie’s next steps would be. You wanted to talk to her but she wasn’t answering your calls or responding to any of your texts just yet. Of course she had the right to be angry with you, but to think you were just using Harry for attention or to make her jealous? That wasn’t in your nature at all. To call you a flake? You were steadfast as can be, she knew this. You were raised the same. You were definitely hurt by her remarks, but you founds some solace in the knowledge that she was projecting her own insecurities about Joe onto you. This was the man who she had personally told you had some commitment issues! The man who undoubtedly made his way back into her life when he saw the seemingly perfect life she was leading with Harry via her social media, through the outlet she had used to allow him back into her life. 
You wanted to correct this narrative Julie had made up of you so badly because she ought to know you better than what she was choosing to believe of you. You had never had the type of sister relationship that made you best friends, like you’d mentioned to Harry, there’d always been an air of competition. Being just three years older than you, you’d coincided academically on a few occasions and you really didn’t start to “fight back” until high school. Naturally, you were a bit more likable because you were more laid back . You were great in your classes without imparting as much effort, which surprised your teachers. You soon learned that they expected you to be a little more of a wooer as she had been but when they learned you weren’t they eased up on you, the other students did too. Comparison was a killer and after one awful fight she told you that you had ruined her senior year. She had been cold towards you after that until she was off at college. And well, you decided not to go that route, you went to culinary school instead. And that gave her enough of the sense of superiority that she needed to have over you to placate her.
It had been a week after your conversation with Harry that you had your appointment with your therapist and had gotten to speak to her about what your sister had been saying and how you were feeling about it all. She had been supportive of you trying to go speak with her and so you had done just that. It was the end of her workday and though you felt like a stalker for being parked next to her car waiting for her…this was the only way you’d get anything from her. When you saw her approaching the car you hopped out of yours. As soon as she caught your gaze she noticeably became deflated. 
“What are you doing here?” She asked you and you offered a slightly nervous smile.
“Hi.” You greeted Julie. “I was just hoping we could go for dinner and talk?” You asked hopefully.
“About?” She asked cooly.
“What you saw.” You said and you saw her lips purse a bit as she gnawed the inside of her cheek pensively.
“I don’t know…I mean…I know what I saw, I don’t think we need to rehash it.” She stated as she crossed her arms.
“Well you’re still not talking to me so…”
“Because you kissed my husband!” She scowled.
“I know and I’m sorry-”
“No you’re not.” She cut you off.
“I’m not sorry for kissing him. I’m sorry that my actions upset you and angered you.” You clarified.
“So you’re sorry you got caught?” She asked.
“Not necessarily…I mean, I know that you actually don’t care that I kissed him. You don’t love him, so I know that it didn’t hurt you.” You said and she glanced away, “So I’m here to figure out what exactly you’re still so offended with me over.” You said and her gaze found yours again.
“You couldn’t have gone for anyone else?” She asked.
“I didn’t go for him, Julie! We were literally just talking about the things that we were dealing with. I mean, we’ve always had a good relationship as friends, you know that! But through these experiences we’ve been through we bonded on a new level. The attraction was just…there. It wasn’t on purpose. It wasn’t a plan of any sort! And the fact that you believe I would do something like that…” you said sadly, “I’m not calculating like that. You know that. And to be quite honest with you, I feel like…your anger actually has nothing to do with me. It’s just being directed at me and that makes me upset.” You said and her jaw clenched a bit. “Well…that’s all I wanted to say so…” you trailed off and she just nodded but said nothing else. 
After standing there in silence for a few seconds you just got into your car and left. You had done your part and now, the ball was in Julie’s court. You hoped that she would give what you’d said some honest thought and consideration. You had only been on the road for a few minutes when a call came in from Harry.
“Hey.” You greeted him.
“That was enthusiastic.” He chuckled sardonically and you couldn’t help but smile.
“Sorry. I’m just heading home from ambushing my sister.” You informed.
“Ah…I take it didn’t go too well?” 
“Not really…” you confirmed. “She didn’t say much apart from the usual accusations of me interfering in your marriage.” You sighed. “I also presented to her the idea that maybe the things she’s been saying of me are actually her displacing her anger with her situation with Joe onto me. That one did upset her, I saw it in her eyes.” You elaborated.
“Yeah, she doesn’t love to be in the wrong…” Harry chuckled. 
“Yeah. And have you made any headway with her?”
“I don’t know…we’ll see tomorrow. She has an appointment with the lawyer. I’ve already asked mine what I can do if she refuses to sign.” 
“And what did the lawyer say?”
“I can petition through the court for them to serve her the divorce papers. If she does’t sign within a certain timeline then the judge can make a default ruling to dissolve the marriage. So there is a way to proceed if she doesn’t abide by my timeline. I just…I don’t want to put her through that humiliation because the only place I know where to find her apart from our house would be her job.”
“Yeah, that’s low…” you agreed. “I mean, you can AirTag her…” you chuckled and he laughed.
“I could…that low has been reached.” He hummed in amusement. “We also have to get a court date if I go that route and who knows how long that would take.”
“Yeah…let’s just hope she does the right thing and comes around.”
“Yeah.” Harry agreed. “I’d like to see you again soon.” He said after a beat of silence.
“I’d like to see you too.” You hummed.
“Been seeing those videos of the couples painting each other…” Harry shared and you giggled.
“Is that what you want to do?”
“Yeah! I think it’d be fun, don’t you?” He asked and you giggled some more.
“Yeah, I think so too!”
“And I can cook for you this time.”
“Love that.” You hummed.
“And we can ask each other all the questions we have for each other over dinner and the painting.” He added to his suggestion.
“Yeah! That sounds like such a fun evening!” You agreed excitedly.
“Good! So let me know when you’ll have at least two days in a row off so that we can also have a little extra time the day after.”
“Okay, I’ll check my work calendar when I get home.”
“Perfect.” Harry smiled. “How are you holding up? Did Ash show up again?”
“I’m alright, still feeling a little…annoyed, I guess. But no, he didn’t come back.” You shared.
“Would you want him to come back? I mean, just so you can clear the air?”
“The more I give it some thought, not really. He’s said what he wanted to say…that he made a mistake, that he loves me and wants me back…” you said with a sarcastic, sing-song-y cadence. 
“Do you want to say anything to him?”
“Just how much he hurt me but if anything, that gives him more power over me and I’d hate that.” You confessed.
“I’d hate that for you too. But if you need that for your closure then it might be worth thinking over before completely disregarding it.” Harry advised, as much as he really did hate the thought of you giving Ash another morsel of your time and attention. He wasn’t jealous, more protective than anything. You were still a shell of yourself and he hated that Ash had done that to you. 
“Maybe you’re right…but I mean, just saying it out loud is enough for now.” You said, “Thank you for…making me feel comfortable and safe enough to be able to say it.” You thanked him.
“Of course, love.” Harry replied. 
Harry was happy that he could make you feel safe and looked after. But he also wanted that same reassurance from you. He understood why you weren’t leaning into that 
and into your feelings for him just yet though. You had every right to feel wary about what you two had going, especially with the stance Julie had taken. But that also meant that right now he had no one to really talk about his heavier and darker feelings. He knew for a fact that if he communicated that to you, you’d be there for him but he also didn’t want to overburden you while you yourself were struggling.
“And what about you? I know that maybe your feelings for Julie are not what they used to be but…it also can’t be easy for you.” You said and he bit his lip as he gave some thought to what he wanted to say.
“You’re right about that…It hasn’t been easy. I mean, because of my family and all, it’s created this…fear of being left behind.” He explained. “That weekend that I went to see you?”
“Mhmm?”
“She didn’t come home until Monday afternoon and when I got in she’d left her suitcase by the garage door and I was just filled with dread that she was leaving without saying anything to me.” He explained. “It felt…confusing…because, while I know that the love isn’t there anymore I still…invested a lot in her. In our home…”
“Yeah, I get that.” You assured him.
“And again, it was just that fear of not having a family again. That after everything I did to build a happy home life for myself, I’d still end up…alone.” He disclosed. After a few seconds of quiet he cleared his throat. “Sorry, that was a lot.”
“Don’t be. I was just…processing, empathizing…” you said and he hummed, “If anything, I’d like you to say all of this to me as it comes. You’re always here for me. I want to be here for you too.”
“I want to tell you more but I don’t want to put more on your plate.” He explained.
“I appreciate that but I am feeling better…mentally.”
“Yeah? Since when?”
“Since…you.” You said and Harry smiled.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Honest. It’s nice to have a friend and someone to care for with reciprocity.” 
“It is. And for the record, I know that you’ll always be in my life. But a part of me is also scared that we won’t be able to have more down the line. Like, what if that gets ruined?”
“So my same fear?” You asked and he hummed.
“Guess so.” He confirmed.
“Well, there’ll always be space for you in my life. I mean that. I feel good when I’m with you and I can only imagine that it’ll only get better if we…are more.” You said timidly.
“I think so too.” Harry hummed and you smiled. “I understand that we both have things to heal from though and that it might take some time to get anywhere near where we might want to get eventually…” he trailed off and chuckled, “I don’t know if maybe I’m getting ahead of myself but I really like you and I like that I can fully be myself around you.” He explained.
You could feel your heart pounding so hard at what he was saying. You could feeling a warmth growing inside of you and spreading all throughout your body. This crush you had on him had you so affected. To hear him saying this was more of a relief than a cause for anxiety. You hadn’t allowed yourself to think that far out of fear that maybe it was intense for now but would fizzle out at some point down the line. But to hear him say that he wanted to give you two an honest shot when things got better, it made you feel a little less delusional. You loved his vulnerability with you. You could also be yourself around him in a way that was so pure. You knew he wouldn’t judge or make you feel bad for it. There was a baseline safety with him that helped your closeness grow quickly. 
“Ummm…sorry. D-did I lose you?” He asked nervously and you shook your head quickly. 
“Oh my god, no sorry! I was just…so happy to hear you say that.” You giggled.
“Thank god…” he chuckled in relief.
“So sorry.” You laughed through an apology again and he joined you as well. 
“Ummm…a-are you far from Santa Barbara?” He asked and you bit your lip.
“Like…almost 30 minutes?”
“Hmmm…do you work tomorrow?” 
“I actually don’t…” you shared.
“Can I come see you?” He asked.
“Now?”
“Yeah!” He chuckled, “If you don’t mind the company, it’s gonna be a long weekend. I won’t have class until next Wednesday.”
“You want to spend a whole ass week with me?”
“Yeah. If you’ll have me.” He hummed.
“What about Julie? I don’t want to instigate any bigger issues.”
“She hasn’t really been staying at the house since she returned from her weekend getaway.” Harry shared, “So…I think she’ll be fine.”
“Well then, I’d love to have you over.” You confirmed happily.
“Great! I’m just getting home so I’m gonna get showered, pack, and head over to you.”
“Perfect! See you soon!” You chirped, not even bothering to minimize your excitement. 
“Alright, I’ll be seeing you soon.” Harry chuckled.
 ***********
It was nearing 8pm when Harry was calling to tell you he was outside of your building. You hurried down with your visitor’s badge to ensure his car was safe while parked there and soon enough you were heading back up to the warmth of your apartment.
“Have you eaten?” You asked him as he followed you in.
“Not yet. Do you want to order in?” 
“We can but I’m not too hungry to be honest.” You explained.
“Has that been constant lately?” He asked as he set his luggage against your couch and his tote down on the couch.
“No, it’s actually been better. But I’m just…coming off my anxious wave after I ambushed Julie. I feel like it was alright but maybe I’ve made things worse.” You explained your concern as he came up to you and grabbed your hands.
“I get the anxiety but I must say that I’m proud of you for making an effort. And well, you know your sister, and whatever she does with what you said is out of your hands now, love. So try not to be too worried about it.” He advised you and you exhaled and nodded. “I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but you’ve said what you needed to and done your part, yeah?” He asked you and you nodded. “That’s all there is to it.” He said with an encouraging smile.
“I know…” you sighed and glanced down as his hands ran up your arms and rubbed over your shoulders soothingly a few times.
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?” You asked as you turned your gaze back to him.
“I’m really proud of you for doing that. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
“Thank you.” You whispered happily.
“Can I kiss you?” He asked next and you smirked a bit.
“Of course.” You hummed as one of his hands grabbed your chin gently and angled you up, “Kiss me whenever you want.” You said softly and he smiled.
“I don’t think you know what you’re unleashing…” he responded and you giggled.
“Show me then.” You smirked and he leaned in the rest of the way until your lips were meeting.
You loved to kiss Harry and thought of it often when you’d get lost in your day dreams. The shape of his lips fit so nicely against yours. The pressure of them pressing to your own, the eagerness and need that you could feel flooding the atmosphere between the two of you was addicting. If only he knew how much you were affected by this. Your mouth parted easily to let him in as his tongue swiped against your bottom lip. He moaned in relief in perfect unison with you when his tongue smoothed against yours. He had been longing for your taste as much as you had been longing for his. You grabbed his hands and guided them around your waist and he was quick to hug around you, pulling you even closer to his body as your kiss deepened. It was so easy to get lost in the moment with Harry. You were not sitting on your counter with him standing between your legs as you made out. His hands were up your shirt and yours were feeling over his biceps. You hadn’t ever been with someone as muscular as he was. He didn’t even have to flex for you to feel how strong and built he was. 
You were suddenly startled apart by your phone ringing loudly across the counter indicating that it was time for you to begin your “no screen” time. It was easy to find yourself doom scrolling, especially when you struggled to sleep, so you’d made the resolution to cut down your screen time starting at 8pm each night.
“Can you grab it for me?” You asked Harry, your lips smearing into his as you asked your question and he nodded.
“Sure.” He responded and slid his hands from beneath your shirt and walked around the counter to grab your phone before bringing it back to you.
“Sorry, I’m trying to stop using my phone by 8pm each night.” You explained as you stopped the alarm and proceeded to turn on “Do Not Disturb” mode for the night.
“Smart!” He said as his hands landed on your thighs.
“It’s hard but research says cutting off screen time before bed helps.”
“Well, that’s true.” He assured you and you smiled. “And it’s 8 already? I should order something in.” He said before stuffing his hand down his back pocket and pulling out his phone. “Are you hungry now?” He asked you with a smirk.
“Yeah, more now.” You chuckled.
“Hungry for anything in particular?”
“Tacos?” You suggested.
“Ooh, perfect! What’s good in your area?” He asked and soon you had selected a little mom and pop, hole in the way a couple miles away that had never failed you before. 
After placing the order you suggested Harry get into something more comfortable and then get settled in.
“Sorry, I don’t have any space for your toiletries.” You mumbled, “But you’re more than welcome to put your clothes in a drawer! The one of the top right should be empty.” 
“It’s fine. As long as you don’t mind the bag staying up here. If not I’ll just keep it in my soot case.” He said with the Baron Trump meme accent. You looked to him and burst into laughter at this.
“I’m dead! I love that video!” You cackled.
“It’s funny!” He laughed along, “One of my students showed it to me…s’been stuck in my head ever since.” He explained with a smile.
“It is a gem…well, I don’t mind you having your things out for easier access!” You assured him.
“I’m tidy. I promise.” He chuckled and you rolled your eyes playfully. “Tell me what your pet peeves are in a shared space, so that I can avoid them.” Harry requested.
“Ummm…just don’t be gross. Ash used to do this ridiculous thing where he’d leave his dirty laundry beside the hamper…” You recalled and Harry chuckled, “That pissed me off. Like it’s right there!” You expressed.
“Yeah, that’s stupid.” He chuckled.
“Or leave his towel on the ground, like he was in a fucking hotel.”
“Oh god…” Harry grimaced, “The smell…”
“Yeah! Mildewy and ugh…thinking of it is giving me the ick.” You frowned. “One time he did not unpack it from the gym and-”
“I know where it’s going, you don’t need to tell me.” He said and you giggled.
“I discovered it, so I have to tell you.”
“Fine. Go on.”
“It grew mold. The whole bag! And who discovered it in the garage?”
“Not Ash!”
“Exactly! And it was so humid that week…God, that was horrifying. Then he had the gall to be pissed at me for throwing away his Alo gym bag…ridiculous.” You huffed.
“If he cared so much about it why did he leave it in that state? What a prick.” He said and you nodded in agreement.
“Exactly what I said…he probably left it in his trunk, encountered the smell and just left it in the garage for me to find and wash.” you rolled your eyes. “And like, he wasn’t like nasty apart from those things. Like, you could tell his mom would do those things for him and his brothers.” You explained and he nodded. “What about you?” You asked.
“Ummm… well growing up my house was very neat until my mom met that prick of a man and then it was pretty unkept. I did a lot of the cleaning up so uh…I guess just clutter and dishes in the sink. That invites ants and cockroaches, which I detest. And well, one time I was going to treat myself to some biscuits and was met with a mouse in the packet so uh… yeah, I’m a little bit of a clean freak.” He explained. You could see that when he talked about these things he got a distant look in his eyes. Like he had to remind himself that, that wasn’t his life anymore. “Also, no eating in bed.” He added, “Because that is literally inviting bugs.” He explained and you nodded.
“Noted. Though I must admit, I have eaten in bed…specially when I’ve gotten sick and no one’s around to look after me.”
“Well you’ve got me now so…no need for that.” He said and you smiled.
“Yeah.” You hummed. “But being in the valley, there are just critters around so it is important to keep things extra clean. I haven’t had any encounters, thankfully! I’m very averse to them.” You explained.
“Yeah, they’re gross.” He agreed.
“Anything else?” You asked.
“Oh! Getting on the bed in outside clothes.”
“Okay, yes!” You agreed, “There are “safe” spaces for me though, I don’t know about you? But like if I visit my parents or friends that don’t have pets, I wouldn’t mind a quick sit on my bed, not gonna roll around in it either…” you said and he chuckled, “But that’s not as gross as if I had gone out to a restaurant or the movies, for example.”
“Well, wouldn’t your car seats have all the germs from everywhere else? So when you sit in the car that gets on your clothes, even if you were in a safe space…” you pouted after he explained.
“Oh god…we could be laying in filth right now…” you said with feigned concern.
“When did you last wash your comforter?” He asked, you knew he was trying to come off pretend-horrified but his eyes said otherwise.
“I’m messing with you! Literally over the weekend. I promise!” You laughed as he looked at you skeptically.
“Pinky promise?”
“Yeah!” You said as you extended your pinky out to him and he wrapped his around yours.
“If I get pink eye, we know what happened here.” He joked and you rolled your eyes at his dramatics as he sniggered. He then interlaced his fingers with yours and just held your hand in his. You could see that there was a lot going on in his mind and you wanted to help however you could.
“Is there anything you want to talk about?” You asked him tentatively.
“Tons! But ummm…time and place.” He said as he glanced down at your hands. You squeezed his hand and he glanced up at you.
“Tell me.” You insisted and he sighed.
“Just that…when your sister leaves, for good, I was thinking about how long I’d have to be alone in that house. Like…I saved up a lot for that with the hopes of having a life and a family there, you know?” You nodded in understanding. “I don’t know if I could be there as comfortably if I were alone. I’d hate to sell it but…what would be the point in keeping it?” He asked and you hummed. “And you really don’t have to say anything about it, I just…am a little nervous to be all alone again. And like, I know that I wouldn’t be totally alone, but in a way I haven’t been in a decade you know?”
“Yeah, I get that.” You assured him.
“Like things would be missing that have been there since we moved in together…half of the things would be gone…and well, I couldn’t very well ask or expect you to be able to visit as often as I’d probably like…” he added. 
“I get it. It’s scary.” You said and he nodded.
“How’d you do it?” He asked and you smiled.
“Well, I’m in the middle of that and well, I am depressed!” You chuckled and he smiled, “So…still learning how to cope, I guess. This, with us? It’s helped. I don’t feel so alone anymore.” You explained.
“Good.” He hummed. 
“Yeah, so if you… need me to go out there and hang out you can ask. Whatever the reason in your brain is that’s holding you back from asking me for reciprocity? It’s wrong. If being there and enjoying the home you worked so hard for is important to you, then it’s important to me too.” You assured him with a sincerity that he hadn’t seen from anyone in years and you saw his lips turn up a bit.
Harry just felt this sudden rush of warmth overcome him. He definitely wanted you over more, he just felt a little bad about it right now while things were still up in the air. He wanted to live there forever, he hadn’t committed to buying a home thinking that he would one day grow sick of it. It was heaven on earth to him. He could step out onto his balcony and see the ocean from it! Of course he had made compromises along the way to accommodate Julie like in decor, in paints, upgrades…but he still loved the house. And to know that you’d be willing to make the drive out and spend time with him there simply because he loved it and was comfortable there, well, that was almost more than he could ever ask for. So he was really glad that you had offered it.
“I’d actually really like that.” He finally said and you smiled.
“Okay. Then we’ll make it happen.” You assured him and he smiled and let go of your hand but only because he was pressing himself up to kiss you again. And as your new normal seemed to be, you got lost in it until the delivery person’s call was interrupting you.
You had initially been concerned that maybe you’d pushed him too far or said too much but by the way he was acting now, it seems you had said the correct thing. Harry was a protector, he always had been that way. He was very concerned for your sister, for you, your family… it was never in a way that made you feel incapable, but he just liked to show you all that he would take care of you all if shit hit the fan. You knew that it had been hard for him not to be able to do that for you in the last year, even when he was going through his own stuff. So now, you wanted to allow him to make up for lost time and as you had said, you wanted to reciprocate the way he made you feel and were glad that he felt like you were.
“M’afraid you’re not gonna get a turn, love…” Harry practically slurred with his cheek smushed up against your stomach. You were currently laid on the couch, longways of course, and had put on “Miss Congeniality”. But you had agreed to give each other massages. However, Harry had elected for you to massage his head and it was putting him to sleep.
You giggled, but kept on going. “S’alright.” You responded softly. You could feel him growing heavier against you. “Maybe we should move to the bed though. Don’t want you to have a rough night.” You explained.
“In a minute.” He mumbled.
“Okay.” You agreed. 
Soon enough you’d made it to your bed and as soon as you got under the covers he was reaching for you and pulling you against him. You smiled as you snuggled in against him. You felt him kiss your shoulder before he exhaled and you knew it would be so easy to fall asleep tonight.
*************
When you woke up the next morning it wasn’t because of your alarm, it was just a force of habit. But you were shivering from the cold and were pleased that it was apparently raining. You could heard the soft patter against your bedroom window. And then, you heard Harry humming along to John Mayer just a few feet away in the kitchen. Despite wanting to stay tucked away in the warmth of your bed, you got up and hurried into the bathroom to relieve yourself and freshen up a little bit. When you emerged, Harry was back in bed, topless and smiling at you.
“Morning.”
“Good morning.” You smiled.
“You were snoring.”
“I was not…” you mumbled bashfully as you headed back over to the bed.
“You were! But not like, loud or scary, it was just soft.” He described with a grin. “It was cute! Like a cartoon.” He assured you and you rolled your eyes as you got back in bed. “I just put on some coffee.”
“Thanks.” You hummed as you turned on your side to face him.
“Course.”
“Now, c’mere, please. It’s cold.” You requested and he smiled and hurried over into your side. 
“What do you wanna do today?” He asked.
“Be lazy.” You said and he chuckled. “I do have a client to cook for tomorrow, s’just dinner prep, so I should be back around 6-6:30 the latest.” 
“Would you be up to doing something after?” He asked.
“Yeah!” You hummed.
“Something lowkey, yeah?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.” You confirmed.
“Perfect. Now, I’m gonna kiss you.” He mumbled.
He moved closer and leaned in until your lips were meeting slowly but still eager and saturated with passion. Your hand landed on his chest and slid over his shoulder, tugging him into you, inviting him to settle over you. Your legs tangled momentarily as he started to straddle you. He was holding your jaw as your kiss deepened even further. His hands were sliding up your body, dragging your top up as he went. You sat up to help him pull it off and as soon as he was able, he was back on you, his lips littering your chest in kisses and delicate but playful nicks to your breasts. Your fingers combed through his hair, relishing in the sensations he was giving you. You were absolutely desperate for him and your skin was tingling, you were desperate to feel the warmth of his hands over your arms. You wanted to kiss him again and so you tried to tug him up and he quickly got the hint and kissed up your chest, neck, and jaw before kissing you sloppily. You ground up against him to feel the bulge in his thin pajama pants against you. He grinned and ground down against you with more intent. 
“Is that what you want?” He asked and you blinked up at him.
“More.” You whispered and his gaze softened.
“You sure?” He asked you and you nodded.
“Yes. Please.” You beseeched and Harry smiled before kissing you once more. In moments, he was helping you undress. You were both moving impatiently and albeit a little clumsily, but you were absolutely desperate for each other. And as his naked body hovered over yours you finally felt a little bit better. Relieved. “Please get inside me.”
“Okay.” He hummed and kissed your lips once more, “Didn’t think to bring condoms. D-do you have some?” He asked and you huffed.
“No.” You muttered in slight irritation. You hadn’t planned to ask him to have sex with you, if you had, you would have stocked up, just in case.
“Would you care if we didn’t use one?” He asked and you bit your lip pensively. “Obviously, we don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with it. And well, I can go buy some really quick and give you some time t-to really think about if you really want to do this. You know, in case you maybe have s-some doubt?” He asked.
“I don’t have any doubts.” You assured him with a smile, “D-do you?” You asked and he shook his head, his little smirk mirroring your own. 
“No. I can go get the condoms.” He said again and you bit your lip for a second.
“Ummm…that’s alright.” You assured him and as happy as he was to hear you say that, he gave it a few seconds to let you change your mind.
“Sure?” He asked again and you nodded.
“I’m so fucking sure.” You whispered through a nervous chuckle and he smiled and kissed you again.
“I’ll be mindful to pull out, okay?” He mumbled into your lips.
“Yeah.” You agreed as you raised your leg over his hips to give him space to get inside of you. You could feel the heat and weight of his cock pressed up against you. “I want you so bad.” You whispered.
“I do too, baby.” He hummed as he ground down, letting his cock settle between the sticky and swollen folds of your pussy. You shivered when his tip kissed at your clit with his soft thrusts. “Right there?” He asked and you nodded frantically.
“Yeah, that feels good.” You confirmed breathily and he smiled as his eyes bore into yours.
“Go on then, get what you need.” He hummed lowly and you wasted no time in grinding along with him at your desired pace. You whined lowly as you started to feel the pleasure escalating from the friction. Just when you were getting close you stopped yourself.
“Want to stop?” He asked you, looking into your eyes to ensure everything was okay.
“No, but I don’t want to come like that.” You explained a bit bashfully. 
“Oh…I see.” He hummed with a smirk on his face that made you blush. “Get me inside then.” You smiled and reached down between your bodies. You grabbed a hold of his cock, he was so fucking hard. You raised your hips a bit as you guided him down to your entrance and when you felt that slight dip you rubbed him over your slit a few times. Your eyes flickered up to his only to see his brows furrowed together at the feeling of being just on the edge of slipping inside of you.
“Do it.” You whispered and he let his weight drop down to his hips and just like that he was being swallowed up by your hot and wet muscle. The two of you moaned in unison when he sunk in all the way and collided with your back wall. He held inside for a few second before groaning as he drew back and sunk in again. You exhaled shakily and grabbed his face to kiss him deeply. “Harder.” You said and he nodded before fucking into you with more force and that was absolutely what you were after. You moaned in relief and he kissed you deeply again.
“Good?” He asked.
“Yeah, it feels so good!” You whined and he hummed in satisfaction.
You were already so close, but you wanted to be closer, as close as was physically possible. You wanted to feel overwhelmed by him in the best way possible. And when he delivered his next thrust harder than before you couldn’t help the moan that fell from your mouth. Harry groaned and went again and again, relishing in the satisfied, little grunts you were making. You were absolutely drenching his cock but you couldn’t help it because he was thrusting up against the most sensational spot inside of you. It was almost too deep for you but you welcomed the feeling, you wanted to feel the ache after he was gone in a few days. And it’s almost like he could read your mind as he thrust in and held himself inside of you, grinding into you, watching as your eyes squeezed shut and you shuddered at the sensation of him fucking you that deep.
“Fuck y’feel so good!” You whimpered as you squeezed your legs around his hips and he grinned as he watched your brows pinching together.
“Not as good as you feel, baby.” He hummed lowly, “So fucking wet and hot…” he grumbled, “Shit…gonna need you so fucking badly. All the time. Gonna be dreaming of how nice it feels.” He muttered against the column of your throat. 
You were completely covered in goosebumps, you were trying to stop your legs from trembling but you wouldn’t be able to hold that off for much longer. It just felt too fucking good…he was hitting a part inside of you that even had your clit tingling, if you rubbed on it, it would truly be too much. As badly as you wanted and needed to come, you wanted him to keep fucking you. For him to be your first fuck after all this time, it was well worth it. You could hear the wet squelches of your arousal slicking up his cock and helping him fit inside of you. His girth and length were to die for and absolutely addictive.
“Fuck, you’re gonna make me come!” you warned him and he grinned down at you, very pleased with himself for how fucked out he had you already.
“Already?” He gloated slightly and you smiled and nodded. Your vision was even blurry at this point as tears of ecstasy and joy welled up in your eyes. “You’re already so fucking gone f’me, S’gonna wipe you out.” He said smugly and you hummed with a slight smile.
He was right, this orgasm would absolutely ruin you and melt your brain. He was literally fucking you better, quite literally forcing your brain to flood your body with that deliciously and slightly terrifying cocktail of oxytocin and dopamine. You swore your skin was tingling, every single cell in your body was going to contribute to this orgasm. But the longer you held off the more intense everything felt. Your walls were throbbing uncontrollably and you were trying so hard to just hold off for a second to make it last longer but it made it worse, as you squeezed the deep plunges of his cock became even more pleasurable and your legs started to tremble and your breathing to shallow.
“Come on, baby. Give it t’me.” He encouraged you and you nodded before pulling him down to kiss you and as your lips met urgently in a messy kiss you started to come. You emitted these pathetic whines and whimpers you’d never ever made before as the ecstasy took over every single part of your body. You were trying not too make too much noise but you were on fire and it had never felt like that before, it was almost too much! Harry’s lips parted from yours so that you could breathe and properly release your sounds as your hips ground up into his to keep the pleasure going. One of your hands pressed down on his butt, holding him close to you and the other was tangled in the curls at the back of his head. He groaned as you squeezed hard around his cock. Your tight, hot muscles were suffocating and contracting around his girth, he nearly fucking drooled from how delicious it felt to be buried in you like this. “M’gonna come.” He panted.
“Come inside of me.” You slurred and he moaned at the mere idea of getting to flood your hot, little pussy with his sperm. He got goosebumps as he thought about how good it would feel to have you take it all. To pull out and see it dripping from your swollen and wrecked little hole only for him to push his cock back into you and get his load back into you. “Please, come in my pussy.” 
“Fuck, baby…” he chuckled as he pressed his forehead to yours, “I’m gonna come so hard.” He panted, “Gonna drown your little pussy.” He mumbled as his abs started to clench and his toes to curl. And moments later he was grunting through three hard and pointed thrusts before stilling. He pressed right up against you and moaned deeply in satisfaction as he came undone. He felt his muscles spasming, struggling to hold his weight as he started to gush inside of you. You could feel the dramatic twitches of his cock lodged up deep inside of you as he filled you up, just as he promised and it was so good, his hips were moving by his own accord at this point and he was enslaved to the feeling of being inside of you, no matter how sensitive it was starting to feel for him. “Fuck…” he panted lowly. 
You could feel his arms trembling and just hugged him tight, encouraging him to drop his weight over you and he did easily. Your fingers danced and tickled over the heated and slightly damp skin of his back as he came down from it. You were finding comfort in his deep inhales as he continued trying to catch his breath. After a few more moments of this he was still completely silent. You knew there was nothing wrong because he was practically melted against your body, and you smiled and kissed the top of his head as he started to sponged a few sloppy kisses along your jaw. With the little strength he had built up again, he pulled you both onto your sides. He slipped from you with the change in position but you draped your leg over his hip and his hand immediately ran up your leg soothingly while he rested his head over his other arm. You were smiling as you just watched him, he still had his eyes closed as he regulated his breathing.
“You alright there?” You inquired, your voice was a whisper but he could hear the slight hint of smugness in it.
“Just a little light headed.” He chuckled his confession and you giggled and reached for his face. You caressed the side of his face lovingly with the backs of your fingers.
“Want me t’get you some water?” You asked.
“No, stay here with me.” He responded and you smiled.
“‘Kay.” You whispered. You just watched him for a few seconds until he slowly blinked his eyes open. You smiled as he squinted a bit.
“Jesus, I’m seeing spots.” He laughed lowly through his admission and you started to giggle along with him. “Don’t laugh at me.” He griped and you leaned forward and smooched over his pouted lips.
“M’not. I’m laughing with you.” You mumbled against his mouth and he quickly kissed your lips back.
“Sure…” he hummed and finally opened his eyes and met your adoring gaze.
“We’re going again later, right?” You asked and he laughed for a moment before kissing you again and nodding.
“Oh absolutely. I might not be able to walk but it’ll be worth it.” He mumbled into your kiss-swollen lips.
“God…but good.” You giggled, completely satisfied with his response.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.” He whispered and you glanced away bashfully and instead focused on the swallow tattooed over his left pectoral.
“Neither do I.” You admitted and he smiled as you leaned closer and buried your face into the crook of his neck and took a deep inhale before placing a kiss at the base of his throat. 
There was only one thought at the forefront of his mind right now and it was that there was absolutely no world in which this didn’t end with him falling absolutely and hopelessly in love with you. He loved everything about you and what he’d seen of your life so far, he couldn’t wait to experience it for the rest of the days he’d be here with you.
Several Days Later…
You didn’t want to verbalize just how perfect the last several days had been with Harry in case you were to jinx it, but you were certainly thinking about it with each passing minute. You had clients that day so you had to leave Harry at your place for but it was  so lovely to return to a clean home and a meal. As soon as you walked in you could smell the lingering fresh scent of cleaning products but were mostly overpowered by what you were kind of hoping was a bolognese sauce. Thankfully, you were able to make off from your last client with a little extra dessert, so you had something to contribute for tonight.
“Smell’s amazing!” You announced your arrival as you slipped out of your shoes. 
Harry didn’t respond so you figured he was in the shower or something. And as you walked further in you saw that the table was set and two long stick candles were lit, giving the setting a more intimate feel. You bit your lip to hold back your excitement. It was your last night together, so you weren’t surprised that Harry was pulling out all the stops until the next time you got to be together. You headed towards your bedroom to change into a fresh and more comfortable outfit and when you stepped inside you saw Harry just standing at the window and glancing out towards the busy street below.
“Harry?” You called in question and he sniffled and turned around. 
“Sorry, I was trying to collect myself-”
“What happened? What’s wrong?” You asked quickly as you let your purse drop to the floor and rushed over to him.
“Your mom called,” he said and you immediately though the worst, your heart dropped, “Julie told them that she’s pregnant.” He said and you stopped right before you reached him. Not as terrifying as you thought but still incredibly fucking awful. Your features furrowed in disappointment and your stomach turned as the information processed. Harry hurried over to you, “Baby, it’s not me. It couldn’t be, we haven’t slept together since like August!” He explained and you nodded and let him take your hands. “But they don’t know that.”
“Ask for a paternity test.” You said right away.
“I will.” He assured you. “I guess she said she wasn’t feeling well so your mom drove her to the urgent care and they found out. Your mom called me all excited about it… I just don’t want to humiliate her.” He explained.
“And that’s very noble and considerate of you, Harry. But you do realize that she’s trying to put you in an impossible position.” You said and he frowned. “You deserve to do this. To have a family on your own terms, Harry.” You said and he nodded.
“I-I don’t even know what to do about this.” He stammered, still in shock.
“This is going to sound awful but…tell your lawyer.” You said and he sighed. “She’s willing to force you into this situation when you had nothing to do with it. If she has to prove paternity she will have to be honest. She loves Joey and she did this with him, they need to figure this out together.”
“You’re right.” He conceded. “Ummm… I’m not feeling too hungry any more. I’m sorry.” He said and glanced down at the floor.
“That’s alright. I understand.” You assured him. “I also understand if you…need some space.” You said and he glanced into your eyes again.
“Yeah… I ummm…I should go.” He said and you nodded, “They’re expecting me to look after her since she isn’t feeling well. And the drive’ll help, I think.” He muttered, but he was quite absent.
“Okay.” You said softly and he just walked around you and into your closet to grab his suitcase. You just watched silently as he robotically and haphazardly just dumped his things into the luggage before shutting it and wheeling it out. You followed after him as he headed to the entrance and slipped into his sneakers. 
“Harry.” You said and he glanced up at you. You could see his eyes welled up with tears. “Please be safe.” You said and he nodded before rushing out. As soon as the door shut your own tears started to trickle down your face. 
You were relieved when he texted you that he’d gotten home and assured him that if he needed to talk at all that you’d be there for him. But you felt so angry at your sister for this one. How could she do this to him? It was awful and selfish behavior. You wanted to call her but this wasn’t your battle to fight.
Harry’s POV:
Harry felt completely blindsided by Isabel’s phone call about Julie. He felt sick to his stomach as he parked in the garage because Isabel was still at their house, her car was up front and he had no idea how he would swallow down all that devastation and dread he was feeling. He didn’t want to ruin Isabel’s excitement but pretending that he was happy about this…having to hold and kiss Julie, congratulate her for something he had nothing to do with, it made him sick to his stomach. He texted you to let you know that he’d made it safely and you immediately loved his message and with that he made it inside. 
“Oh good! You’re home!” Isabel greeted him excitedly as soon as Harry made it inside from the garage. He put on a smile and nodded, approaching her to greet her. 
“Yeah, sorry it took me a while. I was out in LA.” He explained.
“No problem, as long as you made it safe!” She said as she opened her arms and he ducked down a bit to hug her and kiss her cheek. “Congrats, mijo.” She hummed happily as she gave him a firm squeeze.
“Thank you.” He responded as they pulled away slowly.
“I’m just making her some ginger tea, she’s been very nauseous.” Isabel explained.
“Thank you, I’m gonna go see her now.”
“Yes, please!” She insisted, beaming from ear to ear and he smiled and made his way out of the kitchen. 
Every step he took up towards the bedroom made him even more sick to his stomach. He hoped there was extra of that ginger tea because this was getting to be too much. When he made it to the top landing he saw the bedroom door open and he made his way over to see Julie scrolling through her phone. 
“Hey.” She greeted him solemnly.
“Hi.” He said quite cooly.
“Look-”
“What the fuck is the matter with you?” He cut her off and she frowned.
“Not while my mom is here, Harry.” She sighed.
“No. We’re doing this right now.” He insisted as he pushed the door back leaving it slightly ajar.
“Then close it all the way.” She said.
“Then we won’t hear her coming. I won’t raise my voice if you don’t.” He said and she sighed. “There is no way you didn’t know.” He insisted, “When did you find out?” 
“On Monday.” She said, “I missed my period last week and I took two tests on Monday. One positive and the other inconclusive. Sometimes it can be stress or other things that impact so I figured I should go and find out.”
“And you had to take your mom to do that?”
“I was scared!” She defended herself.
“Then you should’ve asked Joe.” He retorted.
“I didn’t want him to freak out!”
“But you’re okay with your mom thinking that I got you pregnant?!” He asked angrily and her eyes started welling up. “You have to tell your parents now, Julie.” He said.
“Harry, please-”
“No! I’m not going to take responsibility for this!”
“And what if he leaves me?” She asked and Harry’s eyes softened for a moment.
“I-I don’t know but you have been cheating on me for months! We haven’t slept together since last year! This has nothing to do with me, Julie!” He was trying not to raise his voice but he was so hurt and angry at her. “You don’t love me and I know for a fact you don’t want this with me.” Harry finished and she started to sniffle as her tears fell. “You have to tell your family the truth!” He urged.
“Do you know how humiliating that will be!?”
“If you had agreed to the divorce when I brought it up not as much as it might be now! If you don’t come clean to your parents about this I will involve my lawyer and demand a paternity test! And we both know what the result will be.”
“I need more time.” She said softly.
“You have until the end of the month.”
“Harry-”
“You tell them or I do.” He said sternly.
Isabel’s POV:
She hadn’t meant to eaves drop, she just wanted to come ask Julie if she would want some toast with her tea to settle her stomach when she heard the hushed argument.
“Harry, please-”
“No! I’m not going to take responsibility for this!” She heard Harry respond. She almost intervened when she heard this, feeling so much anger rising up in her at the sound of her son-in-law being so disinterested and cold after finding out he would be a father!
“And what if he leaves me?” Julie asked and she stopped from reaching for the door. She was momentarily frozen in shock as she processed Julie’s concern.
“I-I don’t know but you have been cheating on me for months! We haven’t slept together since last year! This has nothing to do with me, Julie!”
Isabel could hear it in his voice that he felt bad but if this was not his child, he truly had no obligation to her. Especially if she had been having an affair for who knows how long.
“You don’t love me and I know for a fact you don’t want this with me.” Harry added. “You have to tell your family the truth!” 
“Do you know how humiliating that will be!?” Julie cried quietly and Isabel frowned and started to back away, hearing faintly about previous discussions of a divorce. This was very private and she had heard more than she probably should have. 
She was completely taken by surprise and immediately felt so bad for Harry and the situation that she had unintentionally put him in. She could only imagine how devastated he felt knowing that his wife was pregnant with another man’s child. A man that might not even stick around to help her or support her with this. Obviously she would always love her daughter, but it didn’t mean that she would always support her choices and this choice…to have an extramarital affair. To not grant Harry the divorce he had seemingly asked for before when she didn’t even love him anymore. The gall to ask him to stick around if the other man didn’t… it did not sit well with her and made her feel so frustrated at her. She hoped that Julie would say something soon because there was no way she could keep quiet for too long. Harry had been so good to all of them and he did not deserve that.
FINAL PART...
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daysoftheyears · 2 days ago
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This is my first Hamzah fic ayeeee!! based off a request I got: "OKAY! what if helping Hamzah bleach his hair and it became something domestic. the reader thinks it would be ugly, but then the reader did not expect it to be so good 🙏"
Please let me know if you like this or theres anything I can change or fix
words: 700
Enjoy!
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆.ೃ࿔*:・⋆
It had been a month and a few weeks after Hamzah had shaved his head and his hair had started to grow back pretty fast. You and him went out for dinner and he proposed an idea. 
“So babe, I was thinking that since my hair is growing back-” He paused and looked at you, as you bit into a burger. He continued his sentence, “Would you perhaps bleach my hair for me?” He smiled awkwardly at you, not knowing what you would say. You stopped chewing and looked at him. “Bleach? Your hair? Hamzah-” You went to go lecture him but he had cut you off. “Look babe I know what you're going to say but it would be cool and it would look good for the fight.”
You looked at him, almost a look of pity., “Hamzah I think it's going to look bad and like if im the one doing it I don't want to be responsible for making you ugly.” 
“It wont look ugly bro I promise! Pleaseee.” He jokingly made a pouty face like a kid would make after you told them no to candy. “We’ll see Hamzah” the rest of the night went smoothly and the subject wasn't brought up again.
The next morning you awoke to Hamzah shaking you up. 
“Babe c’mon get up bruh” You had sat up and rubbed your eyes, picked up your phone to read the time. 11:06 AM. “What do you need Hamzah?” He ran into the other room to grab something. He came back not even a minute later with a grocery bag with mystery items. 
“Look what I got.” He said with a smirk. He pulled out a bleach kit and some extra gloves. He threw them in your hands and smiled. “Bleach my hair now please.” Your tense shoulders had dropped following up with a sigh. “Hamzah, ill do it but I don't want to look at you after.”
“It wont look bad trust, I put a blond tiktok filter on last night so I basically know.” You held in a laugh and told him to wait 30 minutes. 
You sat him down in the bathroom and read the instructions for the bleach. “You’re gonna look like that one wig you have.” You laughed, “Stop you’re scaring me!” 
You put on the gloves and mixed the bleach together with the end of the brush. “Im not ready for this baby.” 
“Just dont fuck it up please.” He smiled in the mirror as you applied the bleach all over his hair. You wouldn't say it out loud, but you thought it was coming out nice. You took some pictures as he let the bleach sit in for half an hour. “Are you ready to wash it out?” you asked him as you started the shower. “Yea, do you think I'm gonna need to tone it?”
“I don't know, I've never bleached my hair before.” 
He stuck his head in the shower and you began to scrub his hair and wash the extra bleach out, 
“Hamzah, it's actually looking pretty good so far.” He couldn’t see you, due to his head being held under water, but you were smiling ear to ear. 
You finished washing it out and he dried his hair with a towel. Once it was fully dry you took a good look at him and his new era. “Yea you're definitely going to need some toner.”
“But it looks good tho, no?” He asked you with a goofy smile. “I guess.” You jokingly eye rolled giving him some sass. “Girl bye.” He copied your gesture, rolling his eyes playfully. “Im just joking! I think it looks handsome.” You whispered the last part and he put his hand next to his ear as if he didn't hear you. “Im sorry, you said what” His face was filled with amusement. 
“I said I think you look handsome.” You repeated louder. “And you thought it would look bad boi.” He leans down and kisses you, walking out the bathroom and into your shared room to facetime Martin about his hair. You looked in the mirror and sighed happily that you were wrong about it looking ugly.
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apomaro-mellow · 7 hours ago
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The Road to You 2
Part 1
As far as Doug, Jeff, and Gareth knew, Eddie was simply running from the police and Jason’s mob. The less they knew about monsters he had faced, the better. They visited him in the hospital once they had heard where he was. All three were surprised to see that Steve Harrington was in the room. They were even more surprised to find that this was a regular thing from Eddie’s uncle. Then they learned from Dustin that apparently Steve had been with Eddie during all of this. 
It made a solid rock of guilt settle in their stomachs. Jeff was the only one who had said anything outright to Eddie about it though.
“I wish you hadn’t been alone”, Jeff had said.
“I wasn’t alone”, Eddie replied. “I had a whole party with me.”
Jeff scoffed. “I love Dustin, but the rest of them? Especially Steve?”
“Steve was…”, Eddie chuckled. “He was the MVP, man.”
“Not the way Henderson says it. If you let him tell the story, you saved the whole world.”
Eddie smiled. “Let’s call it a team effort.”
It was an odd new status quo to get used to. But there wasn’t much to do about it but getting used to it. Anytime they wanted to visit Eddie, Steve seemed to be there. Eventually, someone had to say something about it. And that someone was Gareth. 
“So can we talk about how weird this is?”, Gareth said, in between snacking on chips.
“Look, I get it”, Eddie said. “But if you knew him like I knew him…” He shook his head and smiled. “Harrington’s actually kind of a dork. He’s not…” Eddie was about to say Steve wasn’t like he was in high school, but that wasn’t true. Eddie didn’t truly know Steve back then. It took the end of the world for him to see him as he was. “He’s not what I thought he was. He’s cool. Case in point, he got me this tape recorder”, Eddie gestured to it, sitting on the floor.
“What for?”, Gareth asked.
“Song ideas. One great thing about near death experiences - inspiration”, Eddie grinned. He had felt inspired since he’d awakened. But one of the not-so-great things about near death experiences was losing control over your body, even if it wasn’t permanent. Eddie had been unable to write down his ideas. He couldn’t even doodle. Dustin was the one to bring up recording his voice. But it was Steve that bought it for him.
“Can’t believe you got me this. Wait. Am I dying? Do I only have three months? Oh say it isn’t so, Steve!”
“Yeah, yeah just don’t make me regret it”, Steve rolled his eyes.
Now whenever the feeling struck Eddie, he could record them, whether it was lyrics or a hummed melody. He was slowly regaining his fine motor skills, so it would happen someday. But for now, this helped.
-----------------------
Mike, Will, and Dustin started clearing their stuff, packing it away. Eddie blinked, then he looked at the clock and just barely held back a sigh. Visiting hours were just about up.
“You nerds got any plans tonight?”, he asked conversationally. 
“Yeah, we’re having a movie night at Mike’s”, Will said.
Eddie knew who was included when they said ‘we’. Their whole crew usually turned up to these things. And that included Steve. Eddie found himself almost wishing he could go. What was Steve like when he watched movies? It was odd but he wanted to know. He got the next best thing though - talking about it with him the next day.
“Of course, Dustin thinks he could totally beat the Thing”, Steve said, legs crossed, magazine over his lap.
Eddie snorted and rolled his eyes. “Didn’t he raise one of those monsters in his turtle tank?”
“Exactly! Everyone else had to remind him too.”
“Do you think you could figure it out?”, Eddie asked.
“I guessed who it was and was right every time. I’m pretty much an expert on the Thing”, Steve said.
“It’s pretty crazy how it got MacReady so early.”
“....What are you talking about? MacReady wasn’t a Thing.”
---------------------
Doug heard shouting from Eddie’s room and it didn’t raise any alarms until he realized it was Steve Harrington’s voice he was hearing. He picked up the pace and thrust the door open, only to see Steve pacing around Eddie’s bed, gesturing wildly.
“It was Childs! It was goddamn Childs!”
“It got MacReady when he was leaving that message!”, Eddie shouted, arms moving stiffly but still conveying his frustration.
But Doug knew when Eddie was arguing, versus when he was debating. Eddie argued when he felt he was in the right and someone was trying to tell him he was wrong. His temper would rise, his voice would start cracking, and he looked almost mean enough to scare small children. But sometimes Eddie liked to argue for the fun of it. Debating. He’d still get loud, but there was no irritation in his voice. And he smiled. Like he was doing at Steve right now.
Steve looked frustrated but wasn’t backing down. If Doug didn’t know any better, he’d say that Harrington was enjoying himself too. 
----------------------
Eddie wasn’t better, but he was well enough to be discharged at last. Solid foods were no longer off limits. He could stand for short periods of time. And his mobility had improved. And there was also the fact that he’d been cleared of all charges. Eddie had grown sick of that room in all this time. The same plain ceilings, floors, and walls. But now that he was being pushed towards the exit in a wheelchair, he felt nervous.
Wayne put a hand on his shoulder. He knew his uncle could sense his apprehension. If it were anyone else, Eddie would hate how they were able to see right through him. But he knew Wayne would never use it against him.
“Ready to go back out into the world?”
Eddie took a deep breath before nodding. Wayne brought him outside. And there was Steve. Leaning against his uncle’s car. Suddenly the outside world didn’t seem as scary. Eddie tried tamping that feeling down but it won out and bubbled up when Steve saw them and smiled.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“So uh, your uncle asked me to come and take your chair in my car. Said his didn’t have enough room and with your van totaled…”
“Harrington’s moving service, you’ve really diversified.”
“Shut up”, Steve smiled.
Steve took the chair and put it in his car once Eddie was situated in Wayne’s. They took off then, but Eddie was confused to see them pull up to Steve’s house and not the little place Wayne had gotten for his troubles. But Eddie figured it out when he saw a small face (possibly Erica’s) in the corner of a window. She disappeared, presumably to tell the others that they had arrived. It was the best surprise-not-surprise party ever thrown for him. 
The party lasted hours and at times Eddie felt overwhelmed. He didn’t think there were enough people in his life that cared this much. And he certainly never thought police chief Hopper would ever attend a party in his honor. It reminded him that he still had to learn about his part in all of this. Eddie had learned bits and pieces here and there, but it was hard to really string the story together like that. He’d save that for later though. Right now, he could use some air. He asked Wayne to wheel him outside and he sat by the pool. He lit up and was able to get a few drags in before Steve came out to join him.
“Here to lecture me at Buckley’s behest?”, Eddie teased.
“No, I’m here to bum one off you”, Steve said. He pulled up a lawn chair right next to him. Eddie handed a cigarette to Steve, then his lighter. Eddie averted his eyes, pretending to be interested in the treeline. For some reason, watching Steve felt like too much right now.
“God what I would do for some weed”, Steve breathed out.
“You and me both”, Eddie said, bringing the cigarette to his lips. “But Rick’s still in jail. And my stash went through the Earth’s crust.”
“Shit, don’t remind me. I could use the weed for that too.”
“...The memories?”, Eddie ventured to ask.
Steve lied back on the chair, eyes to the sky. “Don’t you wish you could forget? Even just a while?”
“Yeah. Yeah of course I do. Shit the nightmares I get…” Eddie’s hand went to his side. Sometimes he still felt the teeth in him. There were nights where he swore there was a hole that went through his stomach. He’d wake up in a sweat, afraid to touch and find that his hands went all the way through. “Does it ever get easier?”
“I don’t know”, Steve answered honestly. “Never gone that long without the next crisis.”
Eddie didn’t know how to feel. There seemed to be this finality with things but also everyone still seemed on edge. Like it was the end but…was it? Even Eddie felt like that was too good to be true. But the thought of having to deal with this all over again before a full year had even passed… Eddie didn’t want this to happen again in ten years, let alone ten months.
“What if it’s really over?”
Steve blew smoke out of his mouth before replying. “I don’t know.”
Eddie let that hang in the air. Because he didn’t know either. Every single plan, idea, and dream he had back in March seemed like nothing now. 
“Your agenda’s open then. Good”, Eddie nodded.
“Good?”, Steve raised a brow.
“Yeah. It means you can be my manservant now that I’m discharged. It’s gonna be a lot of work, but I think you’re up to it.”
“I don’t come cheap, Munson.”
“Rick’s not my only plug”, Eddie winked.
“Deal.”
Part 3 coming soon
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arcadekitten · 1 day ago
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Can I ask for your advice as one game dev to another?
I started making games 2 years ago, in fact the anniversary for my first project is literally tomorrow! This project holds a lot of sentimental value to me of course, but I never got around to fully finishing the project because I have a habit of jumping from one idea to another when I really like the idea and am motivated for it. (I have severe adhd which has made the amount of projects I have going on currently around 3-5 games lmao) anyways I would say it’s probably 75% complete. I haven’t touched the project in months but I went back to replay it yesterday in hopes of wanting to get back into finishing it, and I felt this incredible wave of nostalgia that felt both good and bad: I’ve improved with my art, story telling and coding and everything since then and when it comes to my game projects It’s very easy for me to move on from them when they’re done to go onto the next- but this nostalgic feeling made me think that maybe it would be better to leave the project and move on because of my newer projects and how different it feels. But at the same time I feel like the game deserves an ending and I feel a lot of pressure knowing that other people are interested in this first project. I think that if I cancel its completion there will be consequences but I might also feel free from it too. I worry about disappointing others especially as a smaller game dev. The project is very important to me as it is my first ever game and I would love to finish it in theory, but it feels a bit weird trying to go back and finish it because of how much I’ve improved. I’m not gonna ask “what would you do in this situation” because I obviously should do what feels right for me (which I’m unsure of lol) but any advice, words of wisdom, experiences etc. would be very appreciated if you’re willing to share!
It's a bit silly, but something I do when I have trouble making a decision is I flip a coin! The important part is not what side the coin lands on, but what side you're hoping the coin lands on. It helps you know how you're really feeling about a certain situation. For example if I tell myself heads means pink shirt and tails means blue shirt, and I start hoping it lands on tails, then I know what I really wanted is the blue shirt.
I also want you to know though that there's no, like, punishment to whatever you decide to do. If you decide that you'd rather just scrap the project and some people wind up disappointed, that's okay. If you decide you won't be happy until it has an ending and decide to give it one, that's also okay! If you still want to keep it in the gray zone of "maybe I'll get back to it one day" or work on it sparingly that's also also okay!
I'm wishing you luck in your decision, and I hope you can feel happy and confident in your choices going forward! All the best to you! ♡
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circeius-invidioso · 1 day ago
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Today.
This day.
Right here.
Begins what I said I was going to do months ago.
And since it will be a whole ass saga. Take my hand, it's an expensive ride but you will witness for free.
What's this ride you might ask?
Well of course,
It's painting Garran Crowe using genuine Afghan Lapis Lazuli. 💎
Because he deserves it. Ain't no budget when we are talking about my favourite character.
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In my knowledge this is the only attempt / tutorial on this subject.
Not oil paints and minis this is common.
But historical pigments used on minis.
And I did search. Trust me, If there was it would have made my life a lot easier. But let's move on.
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Do you see this blue. This is Lapis. And this will be on my mini when this saga ends.
Mark my words.
Preparations 💎
Can't win a war without a battle plan.
And to make this more interesting I will put the price of each item so we can all look at how much this costs to do.
So what did I pay to paint a cape on a single miniature?
Refined Linseed Oil 75ml - 14€
Liquin 75ml - 6€
Sansodor 75ml - 5€
Isopropyl Alcohol 1lt - 11 €
Sable Bright Brush no2 - 8€
Sable Round Brush no0 - 4€
Sable Filbert Brush no2 - 9€
Michael Harding Ultramarine Blue - 9€
Michael Harding Scarlet Lake - 9€
Michael Harding Titanium White 2 - 9€
Michael Harding Lapis Lazuli (Afghan) - 140€
Total score - 224€
And before someone thinks.
Aint no way you did that.
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Yes I did.
Sanity is for the weak.
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The experiments before the main show phase. You didn't really think I was going to take a brush and go to town. Did you?
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The limits were tasted.
The application was tested.
The flow.
Was tested.
Did we have duds?
I mean, duh.
But every failure of paper is success on the mini. I will not go detail cause that's boring.
Mini. I keep saying but where is the man the myth the legend himself?
Well.
Today.
I did the first layer.
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Base colors applied.
Now it's the waiting game we will have to play before the second one.
Ah yes, oil colors my beloved and their slow drying times.
It does look incredibly glossy, shiny like a freshly oiled up body builder before a competition.
But.
What I have so say so far is that.
These paints feel different.
I don't know how to describe it.
Maybe I will find the words in the next chapter.
So.
The adventure ends here. For now...
God I am excited about this.
And if after all those trials and tribulations this experiment is a success, I will be making a tutorial on this.
Step by step and all.
I promise and I wish. 🤞🏻
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russilton · 16 hours ago
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Hiiiii I saw your post where you said that you wrote 400 words of the red bull george au. First of all, yayyyyyyyyy that’s amazing. I am very happy for you :) every word counts and the fact that you wrote 400 of it is truly great. I am so invested in the story and can’t wait for it (not pressuring you in anyway to release it soon. I’ll happily wait for it because i know the wait will be worth it)
I wanted to ask something if you don’t mind. You don’t have to answer of you think it’s big of a spoiler or it’s something you would like to keep a secret. I understand. First question: Would the fans eventually learn about George and Lewis’ relationship and that they are together? Second question: Will Susie and Toto be like George’s non official adopted parents? I live for those dynamics where Susie and Toto practically adopt George.
Another one I waited a year and a half on I’m so sorry whoever sent this—
Honestly I’ve basically plotted the majority of the story onto tumblr already so it’s legitimately hard to find spoilers, but I do intend for the fic to mostly wrap up either directly after January 2022 or mostly thereabouts, because I’m hesitant to dive too far into the 22 season because it would end up drastically different from reality and honestly I think what made the original au so easy to plot is the developments of the 2021 season make it really easy to tie plot points to— with the strong exception that without Perez in the Red Bull, Max has no chance for Masi to cheat and hand him a win in Abu Dhabi. Because in fic I refuse to allow that reality.
Going Public
If George and Lewis were to ever come out as together in that universe, it would be long, long after the end of that story. Honestly it would likely come some point after Lewis’ retirement, I doubt even the most trusted would know about the extent of it with very few exceptions like MAYBE Bono or Shov. Perhaps Toto years down the line.
Part of it is really because the shape of their Relationship in the Red Bull au is so massively different to what we normally approach on fanfic- they spend a good 6 months fighting and antagonising each other, and the next 4 months barely speaking because George is deep in his own hell. Lewis and George basically go from on top of each other every weekend to cold turkey from the summer break through to Abu Dhabi, It’s a rocky start to any relationship, even without adding the hell George is personally going through joining a new team and building what little trust he had from the ground up, and Lewis trying to balance looking after himself and trying to figure out how the hell to look after George or if George even wants that.
It’s a rough first year or two is what I’m saying. The last thing they would want is anyone finding out what’s going on between them, and how that would effect their lives or reputations— they’re already facing weekly prying by the media to see if they’re trying to kill each other yet— but it’s better than when people question if they’re too close, and queries about if George was ever loyal to Red Bull or if he was a plant start flying. People find pictures of young George chasing Lewis for autographs, it’s not hard for accusations to grow, and Horner or Marko would waste no time lying about it if they could bring George down a peg further.
So among that, their relationship is kept as wrapped tight as possible. George moves to Monaco like all f1 drivers do, so it’s easier for them to meet quietly without anyone seeing, but they don’t really go out together for anything more than dinners around the globe as teammates in restaurants that know how to be discreet. They’re not a naturally affectionate pair, it’s not hard to act like they’re just friends in public— RB George is about 5 times as neurotic as canon George and isn’t really chill and goofy, spending your formative years being micromanaged by assholes and then getting a brutal public reality check will do that— so it’s not something they find especially hard to maintain for a few years, it’s only when they’ve been at it a while that Lewis starts to get nagging feelings that it would be nice to be able to sit by George at pool sides when he’s tanning, or go running together, or get George a little drunk in a club so he could see that rare affectionate side. But he also keeps that to himself since George still seems antsy about it, and even years out from his move, George finds it hard to shake the media linking to his past as a bull. It’s hard enough being the man who publically fell out of his team into another one. Being the first Gay f1 drivers would be a lot to add to that, without adding accusations George slept his way into his seat.
But I think, quite a few years down the line when George is creeping up over 30, and Lewis into his mid 40’s, they might get quietly married. They’re not really interested in being in the centre of a big event like that, especially as Lewis expands further on his brands outside of F1 and George chases championships at his side, they have a lot going on. It’s a paperwork thing, but they still don’t tell many people.
It’s only when Lewis has fully retired, and George wins his second Championship that they might quietly let things build. A congratulatory instagram post from Lewis that leans a little into fond, George’s reply’s back that seems just as affectionate. Fans chalk it up to a good teammate relationship until George shows up with Lewis at an event for one of his charities, and more questions swirl about how they ended up so close. They’d probably end up dropping it on everyone in some end of year socials post years after they got married, something about celebrating an anniversary together. They don’t specify which. They’d probably be annoyingly short about the whole thing, tell people as little as possible about how it happened until they’re both retired. It’s such a big story as it is they don’t really need to complicate people’s shouting by adding confusion about timelines and team politics. If George is asked about it while racing, he’d probably say he’s no different than before, it’s just now people know about it. If people tried to pry, he’d shrug and tease them to wait for a future book about it. There probably would be a book some day tbh.
It’s a weird one- I genuinely go back and forth on if they would ever willingly tell anyone, as much as I’ve described this scenario here, I think they’re an equal chance they would just tell absolutely no one until they’re both retired, only to drop it one day with little to no explanation and tell the world that’s all they need to know. They’re both progressively minded and would want to use themselves to further acceptance in their sport, but RB George is so dictated by the trauma he goes through, and that has echo effects. He spent so long isolated and aggressively private despite a veneer of cockiness, I think he would find that hard to move from from the need to keep himself to himself, and Lewis honestly isn’t much different. When you’ve had your entire life paraded across a stage to be criticised, there’s part of you that wants some things to stay yours and yours alone, and after all they’ve both achieved, I can see how they don’t really want their relationship to be put infront of that.
Toto and Susie
George and Toto is such a complicated dynamic in this au, for so many reasons. For one, Toto doesn’t half paternally raise him through his formative years, when they meet and begin to interact properly, George is Toto’s shiny new driver he’s not sure what to make of, because Lewis essentially coached Toto into choosing him.
Toto is shrewd and business minded when he’s not letting his heart rule his head, and he doesn’t have any kind of bond with George to do that. He treats George similarly to how he likely treated Valtteri at first, he’s looking for someone who falls in line and doesn’t fight or cause problems with the team, to set them up and maybe win a few times till they find some future champions material- Toto doesn’t necessarily think George isn’t, but he doesn’t really know what to make of George. He shows up with two wins under his belt and some sparks of potential that could be gold dust, or they could just be light catching water. He has to be realistic no matter how much Lewis throws his weight behind George.
George doesn’t fare much better when it comes to being approachable. He is, for lack of a better word, traumatised by how Horner treated him like a beloved team member and then a pig for slaughter the second he faltered. Marko was even worse, George is used to being berated for any kind of car damage, or having his seat threatened if he fumbled more than one race in a row. The first time George has a horrible session and qualifies low, he probably has to stave off a panic attack. He’s trying to be strong and capable, trying not to act like a fragile wuss, but a cloying part of him is terrified the rugs going to be pulled from under him again, and then he’s truly fucked bc Red Bull would demote him, but Merc might fire him, and he’d have no one.
George is a good liar, Red Bull made him one, but he’s not that good, Lewis would probably drag him aside for a chat, try to reassure him sessions are shit sometimes and Lewis has had plenty of bad ones, the team doesn’t care as long as he’s trying, but for a guy like George that doesn’t really help much, even as he tries to fake a grin and wave Lewis off. That’s probably when Lewis would have to step in and speak to Toto himself.
I don’t want to set a precedent of Lewis fixing George’s problems, because George very much has independence a lot of the time, but this early after the move, George is handling a lot, and not wanting to really talk about any of it for fear of losing it all again. Toto knows some of why George split from redbull, he has to to even consider hiring him, but he’s not especially aware of how George ended up in that situation, how quick the switch up was, how deeply that fear sits in George’s gut. Lewis can’t share all of that, but he can fill in some of Toto’s gaps with what George has told him, and at least point out that when he’s comfortable, just how fucking fast George is.
With that knowledge I can see Toto developing a kind of softness for George, and at least attempting to learn more. He might ask to meet with George a little more in brackley, ask him about his history, and point out they’re not going to fire him over a shitty result or two, he’s not Christian. Toto’s bluntness would be… comforting to George, it may be harsh at times but he knows Toto doesn’t really seem to care to lie to him about it. He tells George bluntly about what they don’t want him to do, and well, George can work with that.
There’s probably also a time Toto tells George that Mercedes intended to offer him a junior seat, but by the time they’d got a contract drafted, George had signed with Redbull. George probably goes slightly white at that, and when probed, will try to say ah well, can’t change the past, all while sounding like he desperately wants to. Susie probably slaps Toto for that one.
I think with time George and Toto would build their own rapport. George learns to relax and tease Toto with maybe a little less ease than Lewis, and Toto learns George will always laugh when he insults Horner, and that part of George is still a kid who grew up too fast and could still use some praise. Toto has three kids, he can do that. George won’t ever say he needs it, but he might lean a little harder on Toto after a mechanical DNF when Toto tells him it’s not his fault, and he gets more comfortable grabbing Toto for a celebratory hug when they do win. The trust takes a long time to develop, it’s a little less paternal than in real life, but it is there. Toto is an authority figure George doesn’t have to be quite as terrified of.
As for Susie, I think George would like Susie a LOT. Lewis loves her, it’s an easy introduction. She’s a smoother voice than her husband and even if George isn’t Scottish, it feels closer to being home, the same ways Lewis does. Susie has whip fast whit and an energy about her that just makes people relax, and George is no different, he likes when she visits the team and always gets a good laugh out of him. George particularly would enjoy watching her and Lewis poke and tease each other, she’s known Lewis so long her quips dig deep, and that’s particularly hysterical to George
Maternal is difficult for George- she’s forever linked to Toto and it’s hard to forget that, so that keeps George at some distance. But she’s also so very different, and when Toto invites him and sometimes Lewis over to their home in Oxford, she’s always the one to greet him at the door and welcome him in. Susie knows all about hostile team environments and would probably happily insult Redbull with a glee and ruthlessness that would make George choke but actually relax a bit. George wouldn’t be caught dead calling her a maternal figure any day, but if he finds Susie’s presence eventually relaxing, that’s between him and God.
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kikieseverywhere · 23 days ago
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I got a bunnydoll (bunnydolj) bracelet
Now I realize that the "B" is backwards help
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(story in tags so YAP WARNING)
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pilonciillo · 2 months ago
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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californiaquail · 27 days ago
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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moeblob · 10 months ago
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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goldkirk · 1 year ago
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I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!
#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING#IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN#HA#MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF#and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders#that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self#ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief#a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?'#tone “No!” of disbelief#and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it.#that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me#and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.”#was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf#anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally#now i see what the past several months but especially especially#the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January#were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong#...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not#a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side#and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like#i rationally say I trust them to have and do.#and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha#they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y#anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet#trauma evolution#shh katie#personal#my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic.#add to journal#abuse
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tj-crochets · 8 months ago
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It doesent have to be an actual quilt (as I wouldnt have the adquisitive power to buy it off you), but I'd love to hesr your thoughts on how you'd make a lesbian pride quilt!
(Also, whats your thought on microlabel flag requests, kindly?)
Hi! At this point, I am not making full pride quilts unless I have a person in mind to give them to (the progress pride quilt is for a specific one of my friends, for instance) but I can absolutely talk through how I'd make a pride quilt for pretty much any pride flag The lesbian pride flag has so many variants that I'd need to know which version the person I'm making it for wants, and if it's the shades of pink or the pink and orange one, it would be very difficult for me to make a quilt of, because some of the colors are extremely close to each other. I wouldn't be able to just go with stash fabric, I'd need to buy fabric specifically for it, and that would probably require using solid color fabrics in order to get colors that close but distinct. It is entirely possible, and if you let me know which version of the flag you have in mind I can go into more detail? I'm not 100% sure what you mean by microlabel, but going by what the phrase looks like, I'm totally fine with microlabel flag requests! I make no guarantees about what I will or will not make (partially because I never know for sure what I will or will not make) but I usually learn about at least one new (to me) pride flag every pride month and I am delighted to do so. If the flag you are requesting is less common, or (like the lesbian pride flag) has a lot of different variants, it does help me a lot if you either include a picture or a description of the flag so I know which one you mean
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fisherrprince · 1 year ago
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Alphinaud and Alisaie is speedrunning breaking through every single layer ch'ari has, and the poor cat just wanna suffocate them in Every Fashion Possible
FASCINATING: weird feral cat starting to have feelings because some kids had one (1) feeling in his proximity
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karda · 10 months ago
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my birthday is in 8 days and i am n nnotttt feeling it . at all.
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