benispunk
benispunk
mental breakdown in the making

400 posts
ben | she/her | french | 21 | sleep deprived film studentđŸȘ
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
benispunk · 19 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
not a day of peace in this man’s life he is always going through something
612 notes · View notes
benispunk · 20 days ago
Text
It’s 4AM and I’m sobbing in the bathroom
Maybe Happy Ending || Logan x Reader
summary: Logan comes back to the mansion to find someone new living there. Over the course of the year he learns who you are, what falling in love feels like again, and how quickly it can all disappear. But sometimes the pain is worth it. For someone like you
warnings: bittersweet ending, angst, fluff, talks of experimentation, loosely based on the broadway musical Maybe Happy Ending
wc: 6.6k
a/n: I am back!! I had a nice week but I got the writing bug and after listening to the Maybe Happy Ending soundtrack this fic was born. I know coming back with something like this might not do as well as I hope but this musical made me cry so hard and I thought how perfect of a fic this would be with Logan. You should so give it a listen if you can!!
Tumblr media
September 2010
It’s been a while since Logan has stepped foot in the mansion. After everything he just needed some time to himself. To be alone, at peace and not fighting for his damn life from people who want him dead. It was a nice break but it was time to come home and so he did. Everything was the same but different. Kids were slightly older and he swears that they must have rearranged some furniture. He chuckles as he sees Charles already approaching him.
“Logan, it’s good to see you again.” He smiles as Logan just shrugs. Can’t let everyone know how happy he is to be back.
“Are you here to stay this time?" He asks, a slight playfulness in his voice.
"Maybe I could find myself sticking around. Depends on what's here." Logan says as he looks around. Truthfully he's ready to stay but his life is unpredictable and while this place is somewhat his home, it also holds a lot of pain. But he fights and he survives and he always comes back home.
"Oh Logan, one more thing."
The halls of the mansion bring Logan a sense of comfort as he passes by the familiar paintings and doors. He's gotten a few greetings from old friends, old students and he can't help but feel a tug in his heart from seeing their faces again. As he reaches his old room he sees the door wide open.
The sound of soft jazz comes from his room and he has to take a step back when he sees the state of it. He admits he was never one for decoration, in fact he never really unpacked his bag his clothes slowly went from his duffel into the drawers. But now, it's so...green.
Plants hanging from the ceilings and sitting on the floor. Flowers with soft pastel colors bloomed and to tie it all together were these bright little lights. It was like mother nature threw up in his room.
"Oh, Hello!" A small voice says from the bathroom. Logan looks towards the bathroom to see you peeking your head out of the bathroom. Damn...you're pretty.
"So you're the one who took over my old room huh?" He teases as he walks in. His grip adjusting on his backpack as he takes in the intense smells of plants. You tilt your head to the side for a moment, a confused look on your face.
"Oh! You must be Logan. Charles told me you were coming back today." You fully step out of the bathroom and Logan feels a strange pull in his gut. You walk with such grace and lightness. Almost like a fairy.
"It's nice to meet you Logan." You stick your hand out after introducing yourself. He repeats your name softly and he can hear your heart skip. He takes your hand with a smirk. The moment your skin touches it's like a spark of electricity. He pulls away when he gets flashes of his life.
"Fuck I'm so sorry! They normally don't act up like that." You apologize as you tuck your hands behind your back. Logan shakes off his initial shock, he always hated his mind being messed with.
"You're full of surprises aren't you, thought your powers would be more...plant adjacent." He gestures to the room and you laugh. What a nice sound, he thinks.
"Plant adjacent? That would be a little cliché don't you think?" You say.
Though shaken, Logan doesn't blame you for your powers acting up. Not the first time he's encountered someone who doesn't have full control and it won't be the last.
"I should get going, got a new room to settle into." Logan winks as he says his goodbye. Taking pride in the increased ba dums coming from your heart.
"Oh wait, take this. As a sorry for hijacking your room." You hand him a small vase full of flowers. Their small blue flowers with a nice yellow center. They're cute just like you.
"Thanks sweetheart, I'll try not to kill it." He doesn't fully know why he's so calm, why he's so comfortable enough to let his guard down.
He hasn't felt this way in a while but he's not opposed to these old feelings bubbling up again. He takes one last look at your open door before entering his new room.
He can still hear the jazz music.
October 2010
It's clear to anyone that while it was nice to have Logan back, things were different. Settling in didn't come naturally and he's still slightly on edge. It doesn't help that you've been avoiding him ever since that first day. Did he do something wrong? Or did you just not like him?
Logan knows he isn't the model man by any means. He's not nice or fun or even polite most of the time. It would make sense if stories of who he really was got back to you at some point. He doesn't blame you, really he doesn't. He sits at the counter staring out of the back window. Everyone's been asleep for a long time and he just needed some quiet. And some beer.
"Where did you get beer?" He hears you ask from behind. You're sleepy as you walk into the kitchen and Logan can hear the small yawn without even turning around.
"That's a secret." He says as he takes another sip. He hesitates for a moment but then offers you some. To which you decline.
"I don't drink much. Not great for memory retention." Your feet pad along the cold ground as you hop into the seat next to Logan.
"Whatcha looking at?" You ask as you stare into the darkness behind the window.
"Nothing, just thinking." He hums as he downs the rest of his drink.
"Surprised to see you down here, you know with me." He says as he leans against the marble counter.
"What do you mean?" You ask as you look at him confused.
"Just...haven't seen much of you is all." He feels childish for bringing this up. He doesn't need you to like him. He could care less about anyone giving him the time of day. But he wanted you to like him. Stupid stupid Logan.
"I thought the big bad wolverine doesn't want to know new people." You say with a slight teasing nature in your voice. Though what you say is true. All you heard about Logan was how fiercely independent the man was. You just didn't expect him to be so attractive.
"Who told you that?"
"Scott." Logan scoffs as he rolls his eyes.
"Don't listen to shit he tells you about me alright?" He grumbles.
"So who are you then?"
"I could ask you the same thing. What exactly are your powers?" He asks.
"I asked you first. Besides you're like 200 years old you have more to tell." You say, dodging the question about your mutation. Logan notices but doesn't say anything.
"It's a long story." You glance at the clock and shrug.
"I've got time."
December 2010
You've made a huge mistake. Getting close to Logan was a bad idea and you knew. Charles had warned you not to given...well everything. You tried, you really did. He came to you the first time and once he left you swore to yourself that you wouldn't get close. But he was so magnetic. He was handsome and funny and despite everything you've heard before, kind. Well in his own way.
He's not exactly a good hearted altruistic man but he isn't completely horrible either. He cares in smaller ways. Like for his students, he loves them even if he won't admit it. Fiercely loyal to his friends and hiding so much pain that has shaped him into the man he is now. You snuck glances and let yourself day dream, telling yourself it can never go further than just your dreams.
But you weren't known for your strong will, at least when it came to Logan. You saw him sitting alone, clearly wrestling something in his mind and you broke the promise. You talked to him. Spent hours listening to him until the sun came up. He didn't tell you a lot, you could tell he was still keeping things close to his chest but you did too.
Still it was nice. It was a trap really because once you let him in there was no stopping it anymore. Logan crashed into your life and you didn't even try to stop him.
"I hate the snow." Logan grumbles as he looks out the window.
"You hate everything." You say with a snort as you watch the snowflakes fall onto the ground.
"That's not true. There's some things I don't hate." He hums, sneaking a glance at you. You're so at peace watching the snow. A soft smile on your face, all bundled up in a nice sweater with a plate of cookies in your lap.
"Yeah like what?" You ask and he thinks.
"I don't mind cookies." He reaches over and steals one from your plate.
"Hey! Get your own." You whine as he happily takes a bite from his stolen cookie.
"But these are so much closer." He says with a smirk as he finishes off the treat. You set the plate down and move to look out the window.
"You know I've heard that during the summer fireflies appear here." You say as you rest your head on your hand.
"All the time, those pesky fuckers." Logan grumbles.
He never understood why the students went so crazy over them. They appeared every summer and every year a few of the kids would beg him to come outside and watch them twinkle in the dark.
"I've never seen one in real life. Where I grew up they didn't really exist." You say, you were hoping that this year you'd be able to see them.
"I'll show 'em to you come summer time. Promise." Logan offers and you happily accept. He holds out his hand and you shake it, reveling in the warmth of his rough skin.
Suddenly you stand up and walk over to one of the drawers. A secret you've been keeping for a little while.
"I have something for you." You say shyly.
You agonized for weeks over what to get Logan for the holiday. He said before he doesn't want anything, he doesn't even like the holidays. It brings up memories he doesn't want to think about anymore. He'd rather pretend it was just another day, but you can't help yourself. It's not much. You hand him a small box wrapped in newspaper.
"It's a bracelet. I know you aren't really the jewelry type but I saw it in the store and it had forget-me-nots on it and...well those are the flowers that I gave you, the first day we met." Logan takes the small bracelet out of the box. It's a thin silver chain with a small flower pendant. He likes it. A lot actually. This is the first gift he's gotten that wasn't just more alcohol. It has meaning and now when he looks at it he can think of you.
"It's cute." Logan slips it on his wrist and tightens it to fit just right.
"What do you think?" He asks, a slight smirk on his face.
"I think it really brings out your eyes." You never noticed how pretty they were. Specks of blue and green mixed with the light brown.
"I didn't get you anything." Logan says with a slight frown.
"Don't worry about it, I didn't expect you to." You say softly. "Hold on." Logan reaches to the back of his neck and unclasps the chain. He hands them out to you and you catch the silver glint.
"Logan...are you sure you want to give me these?" His dog tags. He never takes them off but here he is giving them to you.
"Yeah, I'll need them back eventually but for now, you can hold on to them." He motions for you to turn around as he stands up. The metal is cool against your skin as he clasps the chain around your neck. You pick up the dog tags and run your thumb over the engraved name.
"It looks good on you." He mumbles as he brushes his fingers along your cheek. The sound of rushing footsteps breaks your moment. The two of you step away as Jubilee comes running into the room.
"Logan! Can you please please make your super yummy hot chocolate." Logan hesitates, his eyes still on you as he mumbles out a reply.
"Yeah, sure kid. I can uh make you one too if you want." He takes a step back and you quickly sit back down. "That'd be nice." You say, taking a cookie from the plate and staring at it as Logan goes back to the kitchen. Yeah, you're completely fucked.
February 2011
Ever since that night you and Logan have been in an odd spot. You're not sure what you are now. Are you two just friends or are you more? Well for Logan he wants to make his intensions clear. He wants more. He wears that bracelet every day, he doesn't care if the students make fun of it or if he gets weird looks. There's nothing wrong with wearing a gift. Every time it shines in the sunlight it reminds him of your bright smile. Your kind eyes and your pretty laugh.
He's never been the most romantic guy in the world but he wants to make things special this time around. He got you flowers from a shop and even bought you chocolate. He even made a point to dress in his best clothes. They were itchy and he kind of hated how much the collar constricted his throat but you were worth it all and more. He takes a look in the mirror and he scrunches his nose.
For the first time in a while, he sees something new in his eyes. Happiness. Cheesy. Yeah fuck that's cheesy but here he is on Valentines day with flowers and chocolate nervous to ask you on a date. He repeats over and over what he's going to say as he walks to your door.
Happy Valentines Day, will you go on a date with me?
Simple right? There's no way he can fuck this up. He knocks and waits. When you open the door the look on your face isn't...exactly what he wants to see. It's worried, nervous.
"Logan?" You ask as you clock the gifts in his hand.
"Hey sweetheart, Look I ain't great with words but I was wondering if...you wanted to go on a date with me." He hands you the flowers and he feels his stomach twist as you hesitate to take them. You spin them around slowly. He can hear your heart thumping loudly in your chest. With each passing moment of silence he feels his confidence crashing down.
"Logan I...These are beautiful." You whisper. Your voice is off, wavering as you look back up to him. He can see his dog tags tucked under your shirt. They were a gift, a promise. You're his something to come back for don't you get it?
"Are you okay?" He asks gently. His shoulder sagging as he sees the sad look on your face.
"I'm sorry Logan, but I can't accept these. You should ask someone else." You hand him back the flowers but he lets them drop to the floor.
The sound of your door closing in his face hits like a truck. Did he misread all of this? Were you simply being nice and never interested in him at all. He really thought there was something there. He was falling in love with you. But if you didn't feel the same then well, what can he do? He walks away. Leaving the flowers on the ground as he holes himself in his room. Tossing the chocolate into the trash as he's left to wallow in his own misery.
This is what he gets for hoping huh.
April 2011
Logan was avoiding you and honestly? You couldn't blame him. You broke his heart.
You waited until he was gone before you let yourself cry. That look on his face was devastating. Logan was a man of few words, he never let his true feelings shine through for most people but he did for you. You saw how hurt he was. When you opened your door the next day you saw the flowers still on the floor. You gently picked them up and placed them in water. It's not their fault and they shouldn't suffer for your decisions.
Logan was never angry, never petty or upset about your rejection. He had accepted it and he stopped talking to you, giving himself and you some space. Fuck did you miss him. So so much. But it has to be this way.
It's easier. Easier for who? That's another question.
Anyone could see how miserable the two of you were. Moping around the mansion, no more late night talks or movies or training. Just the two of you floating around each other, pretending like nothing had ever happened.
"My dear, if I could speak to you for a moment." Charles asks as he finds you alone outside. It's dusk. The sun is slowly disappearing under the trees and you wanted to watch. You've been spending more time outside, it's quiet. It's nice.
"I know what you're going to say." You don't even look up as you continue to watch the sunset.
"You should tell him." Charles says.
"I can't and you know that."
"It would bring the both of you some much needed peace."
"Would it? Would it really? I call bullshit." You snap.
"Logan deserves to know."
"What do I deserve to know?" You freeze when you hear Logan's voice. When did he sneak up on you?
"Fuck." You mumble as you shut your eyes. Maybe if you wish hard enough they'll both disappear.
"What do I deserve to know?" He repeats. His voice firmer this time.
"Logan it's nothing." You say but you can barely convince yourself.
"Yeah I ain't buying that." Logan scoffs. You open your eyes to see Charles had disappeared and Logan was standing right in front of you.
"Look. You don't have to tell me." He says, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"But If you're lying or this is to protect me or some other bullshit. Then you should know I don't need protecting. I've been around for a long time and I can handle myself." He won't force it out of you.
He wonders if this has anything to do with you rejecting him but he doesn't ask. But he is worried. He can see that it's affecting you. The turmoil is written all over your face.
"I know you don't feel the same, but I still care about you."
"I do, I do feel the same." You tell him. Tears brimming in your eyes as you look up at him. Even in the dark his eyes are still so pretty.
"I told you that I have memory manipulation, I rarely use it." You start. You move over on the bench you're sitting at and Logan takes a seat next to you. Quietly he grabs your hand, squeezing it to let you know that he's there.
"But what I didn't tell you is that before I ended up here I was nothing but an experiment."
You were so tired of running. You could never stay in one place for long, people would find out about your mutation. It was just a small power at first. You could manipulate people into doing whatever they want. Get into their minds and influence their actions. That made you a target for the people who wanted to use you. You were lured into a trap.
You thought you were signing up to help people, to show the human race what mutants could do to help. But you were lied to. They poked and prodded your brain. Running endless tests to push you to your limits. They unlocked your mind and learned you could do so much more. Manipulate memories and people.
"They wanted me to be their ultimate weapon." Logan doesn't say a word but he pulls you closer. His arm warp around your side. He knows a thing or two about being a weapon.
"But they kept messing around in here. They didn't want to risk me going rogue so...they tried to wipe my memory." He knows a thing or two about that too.
"But whatever they did fucked my brain. It destroyed my powers and my mind. Now I can maybe see a few memories here and there. I can't even get someone to pass me the salt anymore. " You joke with little humor.
"It's for the best, what I could do was really dangerous." You look over at Logan and smile sadly.
"But now, I lose my memory every year. I get 365 days of normal and then it gets wiped. The last thing I remember is waking up in that lab."
"Does Charles know?" Logan asks. He's starting to understand, just a little bit.
"Yeah, Apparently I've been here for about 3 years now. At first we tried to reverse the effects. We tried every single day and nothing. I will lose it all come September. Back to square one." You'll wake up in the mansion with Charles by your side. He'll tell you that you were experimented on but you were saved by the X-Men. He'll tell you that you're safe and what year it is.
At first you tried to keep a journal but it felt like a story. Like you were reading about someone else life despite it being your handwriting. Charles could tell you that Ororo was your close friend and that Jubilee and you met every week for movie night but when you saw them there was nothing.
No recognition, just strangers. It was back to square one every single time. You couldn't just pretend that you knew them when you didn't. It was horrible.
"It's why I pushed you away. Call it selfish but I knew the moment you walked into my room that I was going to fall in love with you." He tilts your head so you can meet his eyes.
"We can figure it out. I swear there has to be something." Logan tries but you just shake your head.
You have tried everything you could think of. Sure you could have him sit down and tell you that he loves you but he'd just be a stranger. You won't feel the same. You won't remember the days he'd describe or feel the same love in your heart.
"Trust me Logan, If there was a way to fix it I would do it in a heartbeat, but there's not." He sighs, pressing his forehead against yours as he tries to think of something. He won't let you run away, he loves you too.
"Then let me love you anyways. I don't care about the future, let me give you the best five months of your life." Logan brushes his lips against your cheek, ghosting them over your lips.
"I'm afraid we'd be on borrowed time. The only thing that this could lead to is heart break and I don't want to do that to you again Logan." You can't stand the thought. You already rejected him. You were trying to save him. But this, this would be complete devastation.
"Just give me until July, that's when the fireflies should be coming around. You told me back in December how badly you wanted to see them."
"You remembered that?" You ask in disbelief.
"Course I did, I remember everything about you." He says. He promised you that he'd take you to see them and he meant it.
"Okay..." You say softly.
"But we shouldn't see each other anymore after that. We just need to go back to being friends, it's for the best." You tell him. You're not so sure you can do that but you'll pretend for now.
"Okay, I can do that sweetheart." No he can't. But he'll lie if it means he gets to kiss you now.
"But until then, I get you all to myself." Logan captures your lips in a rough kiss. You let out a soft sigh as you run your hands through his hair. Letting yourself indulge in his touch.
You want to cry knowing that one day you'll forget all about this. That you won't remember what its like to feel his lips on yours, you won't get to know how warm his hands are and how strong he is as he lifts you with ease and carries you back to his room. You won't remember what its like to wake up next to him. To see the slight frown on his face as he sleeps and how messy his hair gets.
So you just have to hold onto every moment now. Wishing somehow you could stop time and just live like this forever.
July 2011
"How much further Logan?" You whine. The bag you're carrying is getting heavy and you swear you've been walking forever.
"Almost there sweetheart. Need me to carry you?" He teases, looking back over his shoulder to flash that stupidly cute smile.
"Yes." You say with a pout. Logan rolls his eyes but doesn't hesitate to lean down so you can hop on his back. You wrap your arms around his neck as he carries you the rest of the way.
"Why are we going so far from the mansion?" You ask.
"They're easier to see away from all the noise and lights. Trust me." It's only a few more minutes until a large clearing appears between the trees.
"Come on, the show is about to start." Logan sets you down and grabs your hand, leading you to the center of the field. The only thing you can hear are the sounds of nature, the crickets chirping and the far away sound of a rushing stream.
"You know, a small part of me wishes they won't show." You tell him. He doesn't reply. He knows why and he wishes that too. But tonight was the perfect night and he knows he can't put it off any longer.
"I know sweetheart, but I promise you this will be worth it." He says as he kisses your forehead.
"Look." He whispers. You turn around and start to see them flickering around. They're like tiny stars. You gasp quietly as the whole field lights up with fireflies.
"Oh they're beautiful." You whisper. It's unlike anything you've ever seen. There's hundreds of them.
"Aren't they?" Logan watches with a smile on his face, you're so happy.
The last couple months have been wonderful but the future loomed over the two of you like a dark cloud. You both promised that after tonight, the two of you would go back to being friends. Strangers if you could. Anything to save yourselves from heartbreak.
But as Logan looks at you standing right in front of him, the brightest smile he's ever seen. He knows he can't go back. He can try but deep down he knows his life has forever been changed.
"Oh!" You reach into your bag and pull out a small mason jar.
You know you can't keep them forever but just for a few hours. Logan watches in amusement as you try to catch a few. He sees the way your brow furrows when you can't get them. Even laughing when you almost get one but it flies away.
"You try then if it's so funny." You huff. You hand him the jar and Logan catches them with ease.
"Show off." You mumble as he kisses your cheek.
"For you sweetheart." He hands you the jar. He sits down on the grass and lets you sit in his lap. One hand on your back as you hold the jar.
"Fireflies only live about two months. But what a wonderful two months it must be." Your lip quivers and Logan feels his heart breaking.
"Why can't we stay here forever?" A tear rolls down your cheek as you watch those little stars glow.
"Hey don't cry, we still have tonight don't we." Logan tries to soothe you but you're crying harder now.
"It's not fair! I don't want to forget you Logan. I love you so much it's just not fair!" You set the jar down and Logan pulls you into a tight embrace.
You bury your face in his chest as he rubs your back. He kisses the top of your head and lets you cry. He's angry too, upset that you're going to be ripped from him soon. But he can't let you see that. He has to be strong for you.
"I know it ain't, but it'll be alright. I'll be alright." He cups your face and makes you look at him. His thumb brushes away more tears and he smiles. Your lips meet in a gentle kiss, moving together as you let yourself melt into his touch. As you pull apart you already feel yourself wanting more. There's not enough time in the world for the two of you. He picks up the jar and holds it between the two of you.
"You said these guys only have two months. Guess they're on borrowed time just like us." He says.
You open the jar lid and the fireflies fly away. They flitter up into the sky, disappearing among the dark blue sky. You look back at Logan with a sad smile.
"Yeah, but what a wonderful time it's been so far." You don't know how long the two of you stay out there. Just watching the fireflies, being with each other. You savor every second of being together because you know when the sun comes up.
It'll all be over.
August 2011
It's officially been three weeks since the night you saw the fireflies. The walk back was quiet, your hands still laced together as you entered the mansion. Logan had walked you to your room, kissed you one last amazing time and the two of you promised to go back to being friends. It would be better this way, it would hurt less. That's what you told him and yourself but neither of you believed it. It started fine. Saying hi and making small talk. But Logan still looked at you with longing and you still dreamed of him at night. It wasn't working. No matter how hard you tried, well Logan wasn't trying very hard to be honest, you couldn't stay away from him. That's how you ended up here tangled in his bedsheets as he kisses your bare shoulder.
"Logan...we promised." You sigh as he presses a kiss to your jaw.
"Yeah we did, sorry." He's grinning as he talks.
"I've been thinking, I don't think we'll be able to stay away from each other." You say softly, what you're about to say is an odd idea and one you know Logan will hate but it's the only option in your mind you can think of.
"When...When I lose my memories, I've been thinking that maybe you should erase yours too. Not the whole year, but just of me."
"What? No fucking way." Logan sits up, the sheets sliding down his chest to rest in his lap.
"Just listen-"
"No. Absolutely not. You think you mean that little to me? That I can just erase you from my mind that easily?" He asks angrily.
"Logan you don't understand. This is the only way we can be happy. Maybe this time you won't notice me and we'll go our separate ways and it doesn't have to end like this." Your logic is flawed but you don't care. In your mind this is the easiest way to protect him. To save him from the inevitable pain of loving you.
"I am not worth the cost Logan." You say and he scoffs, like that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard because it is.
"Bullshit, you're worth everything to me."
"Please, for me. Just do this for me." You feel guilty pulling that card but it's your last resort. You need to have some sort of peace before it all goes to shit. To know that you won't be leaving him to suffer alone. Logan hesitates. He reaches out and runs his finger along the chain of his dog tags.
"You're asking me to give you up and I don't think I can do that."
"I know, but I need you to be okay." You plead. He sees the tears and your eyes and finally. He relents.
"Okay. I'll talk to Charles. But for now just let me hold you in my arms." He wraps his big arm around your waist and pulls you into him. The cold metal of his bracelet rests on your stomach, it shines in the moon. How pretty. Just like him.
"I love you Logan, so much." You whisper.
"I love you too sweetheart, more than you could ever know."
Sometimes you wish you never would have met Logan. It would have been easier to never know what you'd be missing. Instead you're forced to have loved with all your heart and lose it. But I guess that's the risk of love right?
"Apparently this whole thing can be pretty painful, so Hank usually knocks me out and when I wake up..."
"You'll have forgotten the last year." Logan finishes for you. You nod solemnly as you sit on the lab table. You had said your goodbyes earlier, almost everyone knew what was coming and were ready for you to start again. But you saved Logan for last.
"I'll find a cure, an antidote or something. I'll track down every one of those damn scientists who went into your brain and force them to fix it." He tells you and with how much conviction he speaks with you kind of believe him.
"You'll come back to me one day." He caresses your face and you feel the overwhelming urge to sob.
"One day Logan. One day." There's one more thing you have to do. Logan watches with sadness as you hand him back his dog tags.
"You said you'd need them back eventually so..." He doesn't take them at first. He wants you to keep them. Maybe if you wake up with them somehow it'll trigger your memory. But you take his hand and place it on his palm.
"You talked to Charles?" You ask and he nods. "Okay. Good."
"Are you afraid?" Logan asks softly.
"A little, I mean it's not like I'll remember that tomorrow but right now. I just want you to hold me." A sob rips through your throat and Logan doesn't hesitate to hug you. Whispering comforting words as you cry into his chest.
"I'll be okay, I promise. Don't worry your pretty head about me." He strokes your back as he kisses the top of your head. He sees Hank and he knows it's time.
He grabs your face and kisses you one last time. He savors every single second of it. Trying to remember what your lips feel like, how they move, the soft sounds that can't help but fall from them. He will remember this for the rest of his life if he can.
"Don't be afraid, I'm right here. I love you." He holds your face as you nod. Tears pouring down your face as you try and get out the last words you'll say to him.
"I love you too." A small prick and everything goes dark.
Logan holds you for a while. Finally letting his own tears fall when no one else is around. He weeps for the loss of you and for the time that has been stolen. He doesn't know how long it's been when he stops. He gently rests you on the table, making sure you're comfortable before he leaves.
It's agonizing to step away but he must.
Outside waits Charles.
"I don't want to hear whatever you have to say right now." Logan grits out. He doesn't want someone to tell him it's all going to be okay and that he'll move on.
"I'm not here for that Logan." He says gently.
Logan is a strange man, possessing the most complex mind he has ever seen. To see him so willing to hurt himself just to love, it's almost romantic. Another page in his tragic life, but something tells Charles he doesn't regret this one for a moment. Logan sighs, letting some of his mask slip as he follows Charles to the elevator.
"Alright, let's get this over with."
September 2011
Fall was coming and you couldn't be happier. This was your fourth year here. You lost your memories due to experimentation but you're safe now. These are the X-Men and they're your friends. Your room is nice. You've decorated just how you like it. You're re-meeting people and they look at you with kindness, but also a hint of sadness. You don't know why.
As you move around your room you hear the soft sounds of jazz music. You follow the sound to a few rooms down. You don't know who lives here. You knock on the door and wait. After a few moments it opens and you're met with a very handsome man. How come you haven't met him yet?
"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you but I heard the music coming from your room. I love this song." The man doesn't say anything. He just stares at you. His hazel eyes are so intense as they seem to scrutinize every inch of you. You introduce yourself, sticking out your hand and he takes it.
"Logan." He says, still slightly on guard.
"That's a beautiful bracelet, where did you get it?" You ask as you see the silver piece jingle on his wrist.
"This thing?" He holds it up so the sunlight catches the small charm. He smiles, just for a moment.
"Someone very special gave it to me." He says softly. It's odd how he seems to change so quickly. From being so intimidating to letting it all slip away.
"Well Logan, I hope to see you around." You smile and bid him goodbye. He closes the door slowly, resting his forehead against the wood.
"Fuck." He mumbles.
This is harder than he thought. He feels guilty for breaking his last promise but it took him all of two seconds to realize he couldn't let his memory be erased.
He looks back at the plant you gave him a year ago. The little pot of forget me nots had died and came back. They came back to him. With a sad smile Logan picks one of them off its stem.
"Don't tell 'em alright? It's our secret." He whispers.
He takes the flower and walks down the hall right to your room. Your door is open and you're humming to yourself as you work to piece together some parts of your life.
"Logan? Didn't expect to see you so soon." You say as you see the man in your door.
"A welcome gift from me." He says as he hands you the flower.
"Thank you, it matches your bracelet." You point out as you tuck the flower behind your ear.
"It does." Logan lingers for a moment, hoping that there would be something that clicks in your brain. But nothing. That's okay, he knew this was happening.
This was how your story ended and what a story it was.
As he leaves you stop him. You don't know why but you do. A small glimmer of hope shines through as you ask him a simple question.
"Logan, have you ever seen fireflies?"
199 notes · View notes
benispunk · 26 days ago
Note
happy birthday đŸ„ł
thank YOUU!!!!!!! and thank you all by the way for the sweet messagesđŸ„čđŸ„č
3 notes · View notes
benispunk · 26 days ago
Text
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! IM 21 LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO
4 notes · View notes
benispunk · 27 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
57K notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
logan: let’s fucking go
wade: let’s go fucking
84 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
Tumblr media
16 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
Weapon x anyone? [FLASH WARNING]
I thought I’d stop making thirst traps and make an actual edit lol
154 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
the sillies
334 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
heart = broken
𖀐 — what’s left of you
Tumblr media
pairing - old man logan ft. human!reader
summary - you thought you were done mourning him after everything. you were wrong.
contents - angst!! heavily inspired by “Decode” Paramore (recommended to listen while reading!), post-apocalyptic (inspired by The Walking Dead), violence, emotional trauma, hurt, death, half-based on Logan 2017, few Twilight's dialogues.
zayns note - this is my first time writing angst, thus I am sorry if there’s anything lacking in this fic. I hope you will enjoy this!! Feedbacks are very much appreciated.
words count - 1577 words
Tumblr media
The desert wind howled like a mourning woman.
You cinched your pack tighter and stepped out of the old supply tent, your boots crunching on sun-baked dirt. The air smelled of rust and fire—same as always. In this corner of Alexandria, nothing ever changed. Not the heat. Not the silence. Not the way memories stalked you like shadows.
Some days, it felt like the world had stopped spinning. Like time gave up trying to move forward, afraid it might step on a grave.
“Movement on the ridge!” someone called out.
You turned toward the voice. A figure stumbled down the path from the north, limping, one hand clutched to his side. His silhouette was broad, familiar. Your breath caught in your throat.
No. It couldn’t be.
But it was.
Logan.
He looked older—more than he already was. More scars. Less soul behind the eyes. Blood trickled from beneath his arm where he pressed too tightly. Still too stubborn to ask for help.
“Someone get the doc,” someone shouted. But you didn’t move. Not yet. You just stared.
You told yourself it wasn’t him. Couldn’t be. That your mind was playing tricks again—pulling a ghost from the heat haze. But ghosts didn’t bleed. And they didn’t look at you like that.
The last time you saw him, you were kneeling in blood and ash, Charles dying in your arms, and Caliban already gone. Logan had walked away from the wreckage without a word. And you had screamed his name into the dust as if that would stop him.
But he didn’t stop. And something in you broke in a way it never healed. You didn’t cry then—not because you were strong, but because grief needs a heartbeat to land on. Yours had been too stunned to give it one.
Now, he stumbled into your camp like a ghost who’d forgotten he was dead.
Tumblr media
You didn’t speak to him for two days. He was too weak to leave the cot, and you were too angry to look at him. The doctor patched him up. A few cracked ribs. Puncture wound. Gunshot. Infection setting in.
Typical Logan.
You kept working the perimeter, kept checking supplies, kept pretending his scent wasn’t burning into your nose every time you walked past the medical tent. But you knew. You felt him there.
He was gravity again, dragging your thoughts every time they tried to float away. And even now, after everything, part of you still orbited him—furious at the pull, helpless against it.
On the third night, he broke the silence.
“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” he rasped.
You didn’t turn. You kept your arms folded. Didn’t even know whether you were mad at him because it took three fucking nights for him to reach out or because the wound that you cramped down resurfaced. It never does, always there. Fresh.
“You shouldn’t have.”
He went quiet. Typical.
“You left me,” you said finally. “After everything. After Caliban. After Charles. You just
 disappeared.”
“I thought it was for the best.”
“No!” you snapped, turning now, eyes sharp, finger pointed at him. “You thought it was easier.”
He flinched. Just slightly.
There were bruises on your soul where his silence used to sit. And now that he was here—real, breathing, broken—you didn’t know whether to scream or sob or forgive.
“You think I didn’t see it? The way you shut down. The way you looked at me after Charles—like I was just another weight you couldn’t carry.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“By leaving me alone in a world that already took everything from me?!” Your voice cracked. “You left, Logan. You took her away, you took Laura
 away and you left me. Logan, we’re supposed to be partners, remember? But you’ve decided this on your own. You’ve decided to leave me. You don’t get to play martyr, Logan. Not after that.”
He looked down. For a moment, just the sound of the wind between you.
Then he whispered, “I failed them.”
You bit your lip. Hard. Because that’s when the memory hit.
Tumblr media
FLASHBACK - CALIBAN’S ENDING
The sun had barely risen when the Reavers caught up to you. Sandstorms swept across the plains, but it didn’t matter—tracking mutants was their specialty. And Caliban had been their unwilling compass.
You remembered how they dragged him into the back of a transport, face battered, hands bound. You could still hear his voice, ragged and full of loathing—not at them, but at himself.
“I’m sorry,” he had said to Logan. “They’re using me. Like always.”
They tried to keep him in the dark—literally—but Caliban was never just a passive prisoner. He waited. He watched. And when the chance came, he took it.
You were running—Laura’s hand in yours, Logan limping behind—when the explosion shook the ground. A bloom of fire lit the horizon. Metal shrieked as the truck went up in flames.
Logan stopped dead. You had to drag him away.
“Caliban
” he whispered.
You didn’t speak. You couldn’t. You just kept moving because stopping meant feeling, and feeling meant breaking.
But in that moment, something inside all of you cracked wide open. He’d died the same way he lived—alone, overlooked, and trying to protect people who would never get the chance to thank him.
Tumblr media
FLASHBACK – CHARLES' DEATH
The farmhouse had been peaceful that night.
Dinner had been warm. The kind of rare, quiet meal that felt like a memory even as it was happening. Charles was in good spirits—clear-headed for the first time in days. You remembered the way he laughed. The way he looked at Logan and said, “This is what life is supposed to be.”
Later, as you helped clean up in the kitchen, Charles had gone to bed early, muttering something about how the stars were too quiet tonight.
But then the scream tore through the night.
You and Logan sprinted for the stairs. But it wasn’t Logan. Not really. By the time you reached Charles’ room, the door had been shattered. Blood stained the wooden floor. And lying in his bed, clutching his chest, was Charles Xavier.
He looked up—not at you, but at the thing that stood beside him.
X-24. The clone. Identical to Logan. But cold.
Soulless.
Charles reached out, confused. “Logan?” The monster didn't answer. Just pulled its claws free from Charles’ chest and turned to face you.
You screamed.
Logan tackled X-24 moments later, fury in every movement, but it was already too late. You rushed to Charles, dropped to your knees at his bedside. His breathing was shallow. Wet. Painful.
You held his hand. “Charles, I’m here. You’re okay, I’m here—”
His eyes fluttered, distant, flickering between past and present. “I remember now
” he whispered. “I remember what I did
”
And then, silence.
He died thinking it was Logan who had killed him.
And part of Logan never recovered from that.
Tumblr media
Back in the present, Logan stared into the firelight.
“I thought if I stayed, you’d die too,” he muttered. “Everything I touch dies.”
You sat across from him, tired beyond anger.
“Maybe,” you said. “Or maybe, we just would’ve been broken together. But at least, we wouldn’t have been alone.”
He looked at you like he didn’t deserve to.
“How did we get here, Logan?” you said softly, voice like a wound reopening. “I used to know you so well.”
His throat bobbed. “You did.”
You looked at him—truly looked. Past the graying beard, the hunched shoulders, the guilt carved into every line of his face.
“Then why do you feel like a stranger now?”
Logan didn’t answer. Maybe he didn’t have one.
But you reached for his hand anyway. Tentative. It was a light brush but the gesture itself made you shudder. Memories of him and you, together, were always there.
“Stay. Let me in. I’m not here to fix you. I’m here to understand what broke you.” You plead, begging to any Gods up there silently.
Because part of you was still trying to decode what was left.
And part of you still remembered the man who never let go—until he did.
Tumblr media
The next morning, you woke to the fire burning low and Logan gone again.
But this time, he left a note.
“You were the only good thing I had left. I stayed too long in the dark to deserve the light again. But you—you still have a chance. I hope one day the pain stops hurting so much. I hope you forgive me.”
— L
You read it twice. Then again. The corners crumpled where your fingers clenched. Your throat tightened, and before you could stop it, tears slipped down your cheeks—silent, bitter, real.
Because despite everything, some part of you had hoped.
Hoped he might finally stay.
But Logan was always going to be Logan. A man with too much blood on his hands and not enough left to give. Running was his nature. Hurting people to protect them was just who he was.
You wiped your face roughly with your sleeve.
You weren’t surprised.
You were just tired of mourning the same person over and over.
Still, you folded the note and tucked it in your jacket.
The desert wind was quieter today. You rose, slung your rifle across your back, and stepped forward. Toward the ridge. Toward tomorrow.
Because even if he couldn’t stay, you were still here. Still decoding the pieces. Still surviving.
And sometimes, survival was the most defiant kind of love.
Tumblr media
and that's all!! i hope you enjoy your reading <3 do let me know your feedback on this! reblogs are appreciated!
divider by @enchanthings-a @elleisdesigning
tags!! @princessanglophile @wchswift @briseroyawritingsblog @howlettsangel @dimlylittorch @themareverine @flowersforbucky @lubdubology @mcrdvcks @xxladymjxx
35 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
𖀐 — everything good I got left
Tumblr media
pairing - old man Logan ft. pregnant!reader
summary - you crave weird foods. he craves quiet. but somehow, in the middle of mashed potatoes, aching backs, and slow dancing in the kitchen—you both get exactly what you need.
contents - fluff! fluff!! domestic!Logan, pregnancy, weird cravings, married life, humor, slight angst, happy ending.
words count - 1637 words
zayn's note - so sorry if this is actually weird because i don't know much about pregnancy thing!! do i want kids? no. do i want Logan's kids? YES. ABSOLUTELY. the idea of Logan as a dad has been in my head, brainrotting me so i need to let it out. enjoy your reading!!
Tumblr media
The door creaks open a little after nine.
It's subtle, but enough to make the house shift.
From the kitchen, you pause—spoon mid-stir, wrist flexed over the pot—and listen.
The sounds follow like clockwork.
Click. Keys hit the counter.
Thud. Boots drag across the worn hardwood.
A long, ragged sigh drapes itself across the air, low, and exhausted. The kind that sounds like it started at the base of the spine and clawed its way up, just waiting for a quiet room to collapse into.
Then:
Clang. His keys land in the ceramic dish by the door.
You don't turn around. You don't need to.
You feel him like the weather.
Even from here, you can sense the weight draped over his shoulders, that familiar gravity that follows him after long days. It's in the way the air stills, in the slight creak of the floor under his step. He carries the city with him—its chaos, its noise, its ache.
Still, you stir the pot again. A strange, lumpy mixture of mashed potatoes, crinkle-cut pickles, and a splash of maple syrup. Horrifying to anyone with a normal sense of taste, but to you, tonight, it smells like salvation.
There's a flicker of hope in your chest. You keep it tucked down low, but it's there—fluttering under your ribs like wings.
From behind you, a voice rumbles out, low and rough like gravel under tires.
“That smell better not be what I think it is.”
You smile—small, private. Eyes on the pot. “Define ‘what you think it is.’”
You hear him move again. Slower now. Closer.
Logan steps into the kitchen like a man emerging from war. His sleeves are rolled to the elbows, forearms streaked faintly with city grime and tired veins. His hair is a mess—pushed back like he ran a hand through it a dozen times but didn't win. His eyes, half-lidded and red at the corners, scan the room with practiced fatigue.
But when they land on you—
There's a pause.
He sees it. Sees you.
Back still turned, hips shifting softly with your stir, one bare foot tapping idly to the music playing low from the old radio. You're wearing his shirt—faded white cotton, soft with age, hanging off you like it's trying to remember the body it used to belong to.
It used to hang past your thighs.
Now?
Now it stretches—just barely—over the gentle swell of your belly.
That sight knocks something loose in his chest. He stares, the ache of the day giving way to something warmer, deeper. Something that clenches behind his ribs and makes his hands ache to touch.
“If you're gonna tell me that's mashed potatoes and pickles,” he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck, “I'm walkin’ straight back outta here.”
You glance back over your shoulder, grin already blooming. “You're not. You can't. Because I'm pregnant. And adorable. And you're too tired to pretend you have boundaries.”
He exhales sharply through his nose. Not quite a laugh—but close.
You turn back to the pot, acting unaffected. But your cheeks are warm.
Behind you, he's still staring. His shirt. Your belly. The sound of the spoon clinking gently against the side of the pot.
The smell, however cursed, feels like home.
He takes a step. Then another.
You don't look, but you feel him coming closer—his body heat blooming like a campfire behind you. That familiar scent of worn leather, road salt, and cheap diner coffee follows him in.
Then—
Arms.
Warm. Rough. Careful.
They slide around you from behind, one at a time, the way someone might pick up something fragile and half-asleep. His palms settle under your bump, large and calloused, cradling the weight like he's still amazed it's real.
His chin dips to your shoulder. Beard grazes your cheek.
He exhales again, softer this time.
He looks older now. The three years of marriage have been a mosaic of quiet mornings, loud arguments, tearful make-ups, sleepless nights, and hands held through it all. He's grayer—silver streaking through his thick hair and in the beard that brushes your cheek. There are more lines around his eyes, more silence in his movements. But also more steadiness. More love.
“You make a damn science project every time you eat,” he mumbles.
You hum, content. “I like to think of it as art.”
He snorts against your skin. “Art that smells like regret.”
You laugh softly, leaning back against his solid chest. Warm.
He shifts slightly, pressing the tip of his nose to your temple. He doesn't kiss, not yet. Just rests there.
“You eat?” he murmurs, voice still gravel and smoke.
“Mhm.”
“You sit today?”
“I did.”
“You rest?”
“I did not,” you reply, tilting your head back with a mischievous smile, “and you can't prove otherwise.”
Logan lets out a slow, tired groan and drops his head forward, forehead resting against your hair.
“Darlin’, I swear to God
”
“But I did do some very pregnant things,” you offer innocently. “Like crying over a car commercial.”
He doesn't react right away. Just breathes in your scent—then, he lifts his head just enough to ask:
“Was it the one with the dog gettin’ older?”
You nod and he chuckles, voice warm with something unspoken. “Shit. Yeah. That one got me too.”
He goes quiet then.
But you feel his hand shift again—just a slight curl of fingers against your belly, like he's checking to make sure everything's still there. That the world hasn't slipped while he was out driving strangers around in the dark.
You take that moment to turn on his arms.
He lets you. Always does.
Now facing him, you get the full picture.
Logan Howlett—your Logan—looks every bit of his years tonight.
The years are mapped in the creases around his eyes, the furrow in his brow that never fully relaxes. His hair is longer now, thick and wild, streaked silver at the temples and in the beard that lines his sharp jaw. There's a tiredness in his eyes that sleep doesn't fix. But beneath it, always, is something else—something deep and steady and there.
He's the kind of tired that comes from surviving. And somehow, still showing up.
You place your hands on his chest, fingers splaying across the worn shirt stretched over muscles and old scars.
“Okay,” you say softly. “Now the real craving.”
He blinks like he missed something, “...What else could you possibly want?”
You lift your chin, full pout engaged. “I want to dance.”
There's a beat of silence.
He blinks again. “Dance?”
“In the kitchen.”
“You're serious?”
“I'm pregnant, hormonal, and barefoot,” you say, lifting one foot with exaggerated drama. “I deserve one romantic-ass kitchen dance.”
He looks down at you like you've grown a second head.
“Baby,” he rasps, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “I just drove around the city for ten hours. Got called ‘hey driver’ by a guy in a flamingo suit. I'm runnin’ on fumes and one questionable burrito.”
You pout harder. Weaponized. The bottom lip trembles just enough to be deadly.
“But I wanna dance.”
He stares. Opens his mouth. Closes it again. Rubs a hand down his face. “You gotta be kiddin’ me.”
“Nope.”
“Darlin’, my back hurts.”
“My feelings hurt.”
Logan groans—long and low. You're pretty sure it's not frustration anymore. It sounds dangerously close to surrender.
And then you pull the ace.
You rest your cheek against his chest, voice dropping low. “Please, Logan? Just one slow song.”
That does it. Not the silly argument, not the pout—the soft, tired way you say it. He can hear the ache under your voice. You don't want much. You just want him.
He closes his eyes, runs a hand down your spine like it might steady him more than you. And then—he lets out a breath, soft. Tips his head back. “God, help me,” he mutters before reaching for your hand.
The music's already playing—something bluesy, quiet, like it's been waiting too.
He pulls you in. One arm around your back, one hand clasping yours like he’s done it a thousand times. His steps are clumsy at first.
“I haven't danced in thousands years,” he mumbles into your hair.
But your body knows his. The rhythm finds you. Swaying slowly in a warm kitchen, under yellow light, surrounded by the scent of mashed potatoes and pickles and home.
You're warm in his arms. Breathing steady. Baby between you.
“You okay?” he whispers, because he always asks. Because he always needs to know.
“I am now,” you whisper.
He nods before closing his eyes, just for a moment.
“I've been worried,” he confesses. Quiet. “About you. The baby. This whole thing.”
You lean back to look up at him, hands on his chest.
“You've been incredible, Logan. You worry too much.”
“Someone's gotta,” he says. Not joking. Not even a little. “You're carrying everything good I got left.”
You reach up and brush his jaw with your fingers. “Then, I'm keeping it safe.”
He smiles, before lowering his head and presses a long kiss to your forehead—slow, grounding. One that says ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’ and ‘I'm not going anywhere’.
The song ends.
But he keeps holding you anyway.
You smirk into his chest. “So
 mashed potatoes and pickles?”
He groans like a dying man. “This kid's got a cruel streak.”
You laugh, soft and free. “Takes after their father.”
He snorts, laughing. “Very funny.”
He turns off the pot before gently guiding you toward the table, still holding you like you might float off without him. “Let's feed you and your weird little alien baby, then I'm crashing on the couch like the old man I am.”
You loop your arm around his. “You are an old man.”
“Yeah,” he mutters, lips brushing your hair. “But I'm your old man.”
Tumblr media
that's it!! i hope you enjoy! do let me know about your thoughts on this! feedback are appreciated! reblogs too <3
tags!! @princessanglophile @mcrdvcks @wchswift @howlettsangel @dimlylittorch @briseroyawritingsblog @themareverine @flowersforbucky @lubdubology @xxladymjxx @sweetverine @tezooks [lmk if you wanna be added or removed from the taglist!]
366 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
Remember that study on fanfiction I did for college???? I GOT 19/20 LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO
if anyone wants to read it I could translate it and send it to you or just post it here idk!!
6 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
My HEARTTTTTT
Worth it (Soulmate AU) || Logan x Reader
summary: In this world soulmates can take the pain away from their partner. It's a true act of love, of sacrifice. You've found your soulmate but he doesn't know. Until one night he comes back with life threatning injuries.
warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending, blood/injuries.
wc: 2.7k
a/n: Fucked around and wrote a 2.7k fic in 2 hours. I had this idea and I wrote it idk how man but I wanted angst. This is also some old man logan love. I rarely write for him so I thought he needed some more fics from me tee hee.
Tumblr media
The world was funny sometimes. In a universe where soulmates existed you would think things would be better, happier maybe. But it wasn't. At least not for Logan.
See in this world soulmates could take each others pain. Their love would be so strong, so powerful that even their pain would be shared. It a strange way it was romantic. To love someone so much you'd willingly take on their suffering. Taking their pain won't kill you but it gonna hurt like hell.
Logan never really cared about all that. He could heal on his own why the hell would he ever need a soulmate. Love is complicated and he's not looking for more complications in his life. His friends are dead and he's a run down limo driver slowly dying from metal poisoning. Adding love? That's just a recipe for disaster. He's reckless, he's angry, he doesn't care anymore. For all he knows his soulmate was long gone.
But soulmates can't stay apart for long. He just didn't know he had already found his.
When you met Logan you were working a dead end job at a sleezy bar. You hated it here. The pay was terrible and the patron were nothing but perverts. But it was all you could find. Then Logan walked right through that door. The night some asshole tried to stick his hand up your uniform. Logan took a claw and stabbed it right through that mans hand. He got thrown out of the bar and you had gotten fired. Logan drove you home and apologized for making a mess of your life. He didn't mean to, really he's just trying his best. He's got a kid to feed now and shit ain't easy.
Which is how your relationship was born. A live in nanny. He paid you to look after his daughter, clean, cook and honestly this was a much better job than working at a bar. He knows it's not what you want to do with your life but for now he'll do his best to help you get the money to leave this shit town one day. It was nice. Laura was sweet although a bit...feral and Logan was polite but very closed off.
You didn't realize you were soulmates until a few months into this arrangement. His back was killing him. The pain was written all over his face as he collapsed on the couch and squeezed his eyes shut. Sleep fell soon after but he never seemed to relax, like he was in a permanent state of pain. You laid a blanket over him and gently placed your hand on his arm.
Suddenly a sharp pain ripped through your back. You covered your mouth to hide the gasps of pain as you fell to the floor. Your eyes widening as you see Logan's face slowly start to relax. You take your hand off his arm and slowly try and stand up. The ache remains as you trudge your way to your bedroom. By morning it's gone. Your body was younger, able to heal pain faster than Logan can. You struggled with what to do.
Do you tell him? Would he accept you as his soulmate? Or would he cast you out? He never once talked about his soulmate and as far as you knew he didn't want one. He was fine with just Laura. Well just Laura and now you. When you walked out of your bedroom you made your decision. To stay quiet.
He was happier than normal. Even smiling with Laura at breakfast. The ache would return to his body but you were able to give him some relief. A relief he wouldn't accept if he knew it was you. You..you really cared about Logan. You were destined to love him. To care for him. So you will. Even if it's in secret.
That brings you to present day. The three of you had fallen into a nice routine. Logan would go to work, you'd take Laura to school, and then you'd do some of the more mundane things. At night before he slept you would find a way to secretly absorb some of his pain. A hand on his shoulder or his arm. He hadn't caught on luckily but it was starting to take it's toll on you. You were tired, achy. But still you kept a smile on your face. It was becoming harder to do things around the house so Logan insisted he could help. He was feeling better after all. But you still did as much as you could. Not because it felt like you had to, but because you wanted to. You loved seeing his eyes light up at the smell of a nice dinner and you loved Laura to death. This was your life and you were happy.
"How was school today?" You ask Laura as she drops her backpack off at the front door.
"It fucking sucked." She grumbles as she sits on the counter. A snack plate waiting for her as she pulls out her homework.
"Laura, we don't use that language." Dammit Logan. This was his fault.
"Why not dad uses it all the time."
"Yeah and look at him, you don't want to turn out like your old man do you?" You tease. The two of them had an odd but loving relationship and you've learned to lean into it.
"So what happened? Why did it suck?" You ask.
"We talked about soulmates. I think they're stupid." She bites into an apple slice as she talks.
"I don't need a soulmate to be happy." She says firmly.
"That's right baby you don't." You say proudly.
"Are you and dad soulmates?" She asks and it takes you off guard.
"Some jerk in my class was talking about it. Said we're weird because you guys aren't soulmates. I wanted to stab him." Her little brow furrows in anger as she stabs an apple slice with her claws. You know she really was like a mini Logan.
"But I didn't." She adds on. You sigh softly and pat her head lovingly.
"I'm proud of you honey. Soulmates are nice but we're happy as we are right? That kid doesn't know what he's talking about." The clock strikes 4 and her attention turns to the TV, already uncaring about the conversation from before.
But it does make you think. You aren't Laura's mother and you and Logan aren't together but from the outside you see how people can confuse you as a family. Logan has a natural protective instinct and on the rare occasion you three get to be together, it feels like a family.
As the sun goes down Logan still hasn't returned home. It was starting to worry you. Dinner passed and you had sent Laura to bed and Logan was still gone. You checked your phone repeatedly. Maybe he was just working late and you missed a text or he was stopping at the bar or something. Still deep in your gut you could feel something was wrong. And you were right.
It's just before midnight when Logan stumbles through the door. He's covered in blood. You jump out of your chair as he collapse onto the couch. Blood soaking the cushions as you rush to get towels and the first aid kit. Logan had shed his jacket and his shredded button up. Leaving him shirtless. He had wounds all over his torso and arms.
"Laura?" He croaks out, he doesn't want her to see him like this.
"Asleep." You assure him and he nods.
"Logan, what happened?" You ask as you press a towel to his stomach.
"Got jumped." He grits out, letting out a groan of pain.
"Bastards surrounded me." You try and wipe away the blood but it's pouring out of him. He can heal but it's not working as fast as it used to. He's losing so much blood. You can't call an ambulance, the panic setting in as you look to Logan for help.
"Logan what do I do?" You ask with tears in your eyes.
"Don't cry honey, m'fine." His eyes flutter closed and he stops responding.
Panic floods through your veins. No no no. You don't care if he'll heal eventually, what if its too late? What if this was too much. You won't let him die today. With shaky hands you place your hands on his torso. Taking steady breaths as the bleeding stops and the wounds start to close.
You let the tears fall as pain rips through your stomach. It won't kill you but it feels like it is. The cuts open on your arms but no blood. You squeeze your eyes shut as you endure as much as you can.
Logan slowly starts to come back. He's confused, disoriented. He feels fine. He shouldn't feel fine he should be in agony like he was when he passed out. Then he sees you. The tears streaming down your face. Your hands on his skin. Your skin cut open in the exact places he was stabbed.
"Get the fuck off me!" He shouts in panic.
Ripping your hands away from him. You collapse on the ground. Too weak to do anything but lay there. He kneels to the ground and grabs your face. Tapping your cheek until your eyes flutter open.
"Hurts." You whine and Logan feels his heart crack.
"I know honey, Fuck what were you thinking!" He growls. He's so damn angry, not at you but at himself.
"You...you were gonna die." You groan as you move your arm and another wave of pain washes over you.
"I was fine." Logan doesn't know what to do.
Everything is crashing down on him in this moment. You're soulmates. Fuck you are actually his soulmate and you've taken the pain that should have killed him. He's used to it by now but you, you've never felt this before and watching you cry is killing him.
He's meant to protective you, love you and care for you but here you are doing all that for him. A man who is not worthy. Logan picks you up, having to ignore your quiet whimpers of pain as he takes you to the bathroom.
"Need to take these off honey, I'm sorry but it'll help I swear." He mumbles and you nod.
The energy to reply just isn't there, but you trust him. He is your soulmate after all. He fills the bath with warm water and gently strips off your clothes. He gently places you into the water, breathing a sigh of relief when you slowly start to relax. The pain becoming an ache that settles deep into your bones. You tilt your head to the side. Seeing Logan staring at the ceiling, thinking.
"You can look you know. I don't mind." You say weakly. His eyes snap to yours and you see the anger swirling around those pretty hazel eyes.
"Have you lost your fucking mind?" He wants to shout, yell and scream how stupid that was.
How idiotic it is to take on all that for him? Him of all people. He deserve the pain he's suffered time and time again what the hell is one more day. But you. You just had to come along and steal his old broken heart. Show him kindness he hasn't experienced in years. Everything about you has taken over his fucking life and for the first time he wished things were different. That he could be the man who settles down and builds a nice quiet life. You turned him into that. You let him think for just a moment he deserved that kind of ending.
"Logan I-"
"No. Listen to me. I don't care if I am bleeding out on the side of the fucking road you don't ever do that again." It kills him to see you in pain.
He doesn't care that it won't be your demise, he only cares that you're hurt. To him, his pain becomes your pain. He's hurting you and he won't ever forgive himself for that.
"It's not worth hurting yourself. I'm not worth it." He cups your face as tears well up in your eyes again. He fears that you've taken on more of his pain but before he can pull away you grab his wrist.
"You're a fucking idiot Logan. Not worth it? You're worth it all to me. You think I like seeing you hurt? I know you're suffering. I took the ache from your body because I love you."
"You did what-" His eyes widening but you silence him before he can keep talking.
"Just shut up! I love you Logan. I know you've lived a long life and that you think you can handle it all on your own. Maybe you can. But you don't have to anymore." You stare into his sad eyes, you can tell he's fighting with himself in that head of his that never seems to rest.
"I would take your pain over and over, every day if it means you feel just a little bit of relief." You reach up and wrap your arms around his neck.
Pulling him down into a bruising kiss. Logan groans as he grips the edge of the bathtub tightly. Almost shattering it to pieces as he returns your kiss with equal fervor. His other hand dips into the water, settling on your back to push you closer to him. Your lips move messily against each other. Small whines and moans escaping as you tug on his silver hair.
When the kiss breaks your left breathless, nose bumping against this cheek as he closes his eyes. His chest heaving as he soaks in this moment.
"Please honey, don't do that again." He mumbles into your ear.
"You love me but I love you too and to see you in that much pain, it might kill me." Both of you are so fiercely protective of the other.
"Please. I can't watch you suffer because of me." He begs, his voice is so small. So broken. You press a gentle kiss to his cheek. You two might never see eye to eye on this. So hell bent on protecting each other.
"Okay, I won't. But please let me take some of it. Not all. But enough to where I don't have to watch you in agony." You plead.
Logan hesitates. A compromise is what you're offering and he doesn't want to take it. He's a damn hypocrite and he knows it because if he had to he'd take every ounce of your pain one day. He'll take his and yours and carry it on his back just to see you smile.
"Logan, please." He glances down at your arms and sees the cuts had closed. He runs his hand along your bare skin. But he sees your eyes and they're so sad.
"Okay." He whispers. He leans down and kisses you softly.
The real conversation comes tomorrow but for now you've found your peace. You've made your statement. In truth you'd do it all over again. It felt like you were being ripped apart, complete torture. But you'd take it for him. Always for him.
"How long have you known?" He asks as he traces shapes into your side.
"A month into working for you." Logan closes his eyes and sighs. He's not mad, really he isn't. He just feels like an idiot for not noticing sooner. When he started to feel better he didn't think much of it. He should have known.
"Why didn't you tell me?" "You had bigger things to worry about. Besides, Would you have let me help if you knew?"
"No." He answers and you smile, as if he had just proved your point.
"What are we going to tell Laura?" You ask, lightening the tension as Logan just chuckles.
"She'll be happy, she's been begging me to marry you for the last month." Logan smiles but his eyes are still full of worry. Of course he worries. He'll always worry.
"I love you Logan, I really do." He helps you out of the tub, uncaring if he gets wet.
"I love you too honey." He whispers as he watches you dry yourself off.
His mind might never shake the image of you on the ground in pain. The sounds you made will haunt him forever. He can hide his pain better, he can be more careful.
To protect you means to protect himself and now Logan has two reasons to come home. Perhaps the universe has forgiven his past violence and finally given him something to live for. A soulmate. A family.
226 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
just thinking about a fic with Logan and it’s late night in the summer outside the mansion, everyone is having a little summer party and it’s dark and there’s a little fire and some lights and the kids are still up and playing or talking, the adults are all talking and Logan and you are cosy together and there’s a song I’m obsessed about, it’s called I’m not in love by 10cc and it’s the song I have in the back of my head all the time and idk, it just feels like a summer night song. Anyway, I’ll try to write that soon
17 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Text
logan who doesn’t listen to what we could call stereotypical girl music but then he’s in his car driving by himself and kiss me (by sixpence none the richer) comes on and he can’t bring himself to change it cause he just thinks of you and then he comes home humming the music until he finds you and kisses you
86 notes · View notes
benispunk · 1 month ago
Note
*insert Pedro Pascal laughing to crying meme*
This is amazing but at the cost of my heart and soul
oohh i love your blog!!!!
can you image all variants of logan having to kill reader (for whatever reason, mercy kill, their a danger to the people around them,
)
YES YES YES SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS MY ANGST VISION SDFAL;KJ. I got carried away i can't lie...but I had so much fun writing this!!
warnings: ANGST, character death, hurt no comfort, sad boy Logan, hints of suicide for worst Logan's. This man cannot catch a break fr
Origins Logan -
You two were supposed to be safe. Disappearing to some small town in Canada. To get away from Stryker and the horrors that you committed in the war. Both you and Logan were mutants recruited for Team X and you walked away together after realizing just how horrible things were becoming. The way your team would kill without hesitation. No empathy, no control. You didn't want anything to do with it and neither did Logan. He abandoned his own brother.
Walking away wasn't easy especially for you. Your powers were incredibly strong, the power of life and death in your hands and Stryker wasn't going to let you go easily. But still the two of you managed to live a nice life for about 6 years. Logan was a lumberjack and you were a florist. It was nice, domestic. But then everything went to shit when Stryker found Logan again. They had waited until you were separated. You could feel eyes following you as you walked through town. But you thought you were being paranoid. Logan had promised you that nothing was going to happen. That you were safe. So when Stryker approached Logan Victor came right for you. Capturing you and sticking a tranquillizer into your neck. They knew that if they had you that Logan would follow.
Logan wanted to kill everyone in that room for touching you. For dragging you both back to the hell you fled from. All he wanted was to live a nice normal life with you but he could never be normal. Stryker made sure of it. They promised him that this was for the best. Undergo a horrible transformation that would alter his body forever. The promised him that this was for your good. That he could protect you and after one mission he'd let the two of you go. But what he didn't realize was that they were experimenting on you too. While in the water he could hear them talking. Wiping his memory. But then he could hear something that sent him into a frenzy. Your screams. He burst out of his chamber. Slicing his way through the doctors and scientist to get to you. His claws now metal spill blood that mix with his own. It hurts. But his senses lead him to you.
When he gets to you he sees everyone in the room is already dead. A fearful look in your eyes as you hide yourself in the corner of the room. You were shaking, shivering. Terrified. The closer he gets to you the more pain he feels. His skin starts to deteriorate, his powers working hard to heal him back up. You tell him to stay away. You don't know what they did to you. You're a monster. A danger to everyone around you. You can't control it. You're killing people around you. Draining their life force without even meaning to. He tells you he's not going anyway where without you but you tell him he has to leave. You're killing him just by being around him. You can never be normal again. The people who could reverse this are dead. You were meant to be a weapon for them. To easily wipe out hundreds, thousands of people and you refuse to let yourself do that. So with tearful eyes you beg Logan to kill you. His newly adamantium claws should do the trick. He tells you to shut up that he won't ever do that but you're desperate. He has to. You plead and beg with tears streaming down your face and he lets out a broken cry. He crawls to your side. To hold you despite your powers actively killing him. He kisses you. Whispering that he's sorry and that he loves you and that he will always love you. With that he digs his claws into your chest. Killing you. The strength comes back to his body but his soul is destroyed. He holds your body for a long time. Swearing that he will find and kill Stryker for what he's done to you. He promises.
Trilogy Logan -
Weak was never a word people associated with Logan but deep down he has cracks that could be manipulated. His mind. The memory loss the trauma. Everything that swirls around in his brain is a weakness. He hides it well but the nightmares. Well he can't hide those. Still he was able to keep that façade going for a while. Until one day it all came crashing down. It was a routine mission and Logan didn't think much of it. Even teasing you on the jet about what he wants to do after. Take you out to dinner and maybe a movie. Kissing you when Scott wasn't looking. Everything felt fine and it was supposed to be fine. Then they got out of the jet. Manipulation of the mind. Jean tried to block it out for everyone but even she isn't that strong yet. Whoever this was wasn't a mutant. It was someone far stronger. His target? Logan. This mans powers slipped into Logan's mind. Logan tried to fight it. You watched as he clutched his head and fought with everything he had but it wasn't enough. You tried to get to him but Scott pulled you away. Telling you that Logan was dangerous and they didn't know what this man was doing to him but you fought him off. Logan wouldn't hurt you. Not on purpose. When everything goes quiet is when you realize something is really wrong.
Logan lifts his head and there's nothing behind those pretty green eyes. They were empty. You called his name, taking a step forward but Logan lunges. Soon it's an all out war. Jean was exhausted from fighting back against the mind control so it was up to the rest of you to subdue Logan. But he was strong. His claws cut through and injure his teammates, his family. You beg him to fight it as you protect yourself from each blow but the exhaustion was setting in and you don't know much longer you can take. He backs you into a corner and you have no where to go. So you try one more time to get to him. You beg and call his name. Telling him it's you and that you won't hurt him and to please snap out of it. But he doesn't. His claws go right through your stomach. You let out a small whimper as blood pours from your wounds. You slide down the wall and can barely find the energy to look up at him. This isn't the Logan you know and love. You know that your Logan, the love of your life would never do this. You reach out and smile weakly. Telling him it's not his fault. That you forgive him, that you love him.
When Logan does snap out of it, he's distraught. He holds your body and cries. Telling you he's sorry and that he didn't mean to. He's heartbroken and angry and just fucking devastated. He lets the X-Men take him away, lets them lock him up for the night to make sure he's back to normal. But he'll never be back to normal. He killed you. The last memory you'll ever have is him digging his claws into your chest. He hurt you. He's angry at himself for not being strong enough and angry at the world for the pain it's put him through. He visits your grave every day and though world continues to turn. His world is over.
DOFP Logan -
Logan knew that this time travel shit would be messy. Really fucking messy. When he landed in the 70's he had one mission in mind but it all got derailed when he saw you walk through the mansion. You were gorgeous. Logan had only ever seen pictures of you but Charles had told him many stories. You were vital to the creation of the school and it was your death that had really kick started the mansion into what it had become. Logan didn't expect to find you so...alluring. Everything about you had him completely entranced. He couldn't help but flirt with you. His time here is short and he knows what's coming but he just finds himself drawn to you. You could see into his mind, see all the pain and horror of his world.
One night in the mansion you two shared a small moment in the kitchen. You asked about his world and he just smiled and told you not to worry your pretty head about it. But you saw the sadness and you comforted him. Logan doesn't fall in love, he can't. But fuck he just might be. Then the day comes where you're supposed to die. And you don't. Logan doesn't know what the fuck it means for the timeline but shit. Your death, it's a fixed point that's what he was told so how are you still standing here. You can see the worry on his face and though he pretends not to be bothered you know something is wrong.
You ask him and he caves, you look through his mind and see that you're supposed to be dead. You have to die. It's vital to the timeline but Logan doesn't want you to. He's grown to care about you in this short time he's here. He tells you it's fine and that he never got to meet you before but he can't let you go now. But you have to die. You ask Logan to do it. It might be cruel for both of you but you've come to trust him. You promise that things will be okay and it's how it has to be to put things back onto the right track. You kiss him. Your first and last kiss. And then he kills you.
When he wakes back up in the future he struggles to feel fully happy about fixing everything. Things were better, people were alive who died long ago but still you were gone. Your picture hangs in the halls and he finds himself looking at it a lot. Charles tells him he did what must be done but it doesn't hurt any less. He only had a limited time with you but he cherished every moment. But deep down, he wonders if he should have risked the future just to keep you alive.
Old Man Logan -
Logan's nightmares were getting out of hand and he knew it. You both did. That's why he told you to stay away from him at night. He knew it hurt you and that you told him he wasn't the monster he knew he was but he couldn't risk it. He's unpredictable. Dangerous. But you just never listened. How could you when the man you love was in pain. Afraid. It was another nightmare but this was worse than the others. It was like a completion of every horrible thing he's seen and he can't seem to wake up. You tried to ignore it you really did but hearing him cry and yell in terror was too much. You hurried to his bedroom and tried to wake up. Calling his name as you shook his shoulders but Logan was trapped in his nightmares. His claws came out without even thinking and he slashes around him. In his head he was being held down, surrounded. They were going to hurt him again and he wanted to fight back. In the real would his claws swiped your stomach. Deep enough that you fell to the ground, clutching your wound. Logan wakes up with a roar, dazed and disoriented of his surroundings and still coming down from his nightmare. Then he smells it. Blood.
He looks to see you on the ground bleeding. A pained look on your face. It doesn't take long for him to realize that he had done this to you. He feels fucking horrible. He's on his knees, ignoring the ache in his back as he tries to put pressure on your stomach. He apologizes over and over as he panics. What can he do? You try and calm him down. Tell him it's okay and that you should have listened. But Logan doesn't care. He hurt you. He wants to take you to the hospital but you tell him he can't. You won't make it and the hospital staff will ask questions. You don't want Logan to get in trouble. So you just ask him to hold you until you sleep. So he does. He holds on tight and whispers in your all the things he's been too afraid to say. He fucked everything up. He's a monster, a killer. He doesn't deserve to be happy because looks what happens when he is. He buries you in the backyard with a makeshift grave. He has to leave but he comes back every year to visit. A reminder of his failures and of the man he truly is. A monster.
Worst Logan -
Logan loved you. You were the love of his life and you were happy. At least he thought you were happy. But there was a darkness brewing deep inside of you and Logan wishes he caught it. He wishes he wasn't so blind. You weren't happy. You were overlooked, unappreciated, unloved. Logan...he's never been good at his feelings and even though he did love you he wasn't good at showing it. Especially when you caught a few of his looks towards Jean in passing. You just wanted to belong. To be somewhere where you weren't just a background. The brotherhood promised you this. They praised your powers, fed lies into your ear and pulled you over to their side. They appreciated you, they wanted you there. Logan thought he love was enough to bring you back but you had been hurt for too long. Magneto unlocked power within you that Charles had hidden because he believed they were far too dangerous. And he was right. You were dangerous.
Logan couldn't help but feel responsible for this all and vowed to save you. But it was too late. You were too far gone. You were no longer the same person he fell in love with. The person he loved would never have hurt innocent people like you have. You were gone and they had to stop you. Still he thought that maybe the real you was still in there.
It was a battle of the brotherhood verses the X-Men and you and Logan find yourself alone. You were hitting him with blow after blow, your powers tearing him apart and his body puts him back together. His claws however, refuse to come out. He won't hurt you. He will snap you out of it if its the last thing he does. He tries to get through to you but you were too far gone. But he still refused to hurt you. He begs you to come back to him. That he was sorry. You yelled at him. Saying that he didn't truly love the you from before so you made yourself better. But that's not true at all. He loved you so much and he tells you so. Tears fill your eyes and you lash out. Sending a wave of energy through the battlefield. Taking down both friend and foe. You were dangerous and you didn't know how to stop. Logan swore he could help. That he wouldn't give up on you but the things you had done were too horrible. You were too unstable.
A brief moment of clarity and you see just how much destruction you've caused and you cry. You beg Logan to end it. You don't know how much longer you'll have control and he's the only one who can do it. He tells you he won't but you tell him he doesn't have a choice. He takes out his claws but he can't do it. You hold his face and tell him that you love him and then you impale yourself onto his claws. He wails as you die in his arms. A truce coming between the two teams as they collect their wounded and retreat. The brotherhood try to take you but Logan won't let them. Growling not to fucking touch you. That they did this. That everyone did this and everyone was at fault, especially him. They held a funeral and Logan just broke. He went out to drink more and more, stopped caring. Stopped wanting to be apart of this fucking team. Then the humans went mutant hunting and Logan was well and truly alone. Until Wade came into his life and brought him to a new world. A world where Logan saw you were alive and happy. A part of him wants to go over and make things right but he can't find the courage. You're happy here and Logan won't ruin it. He loves you too much to do that to you.
74 notes · View notes
benispunk · 2 months ago
Text
If I was an artist I'd draw Logan in a slutty crop top and booty shorts playing the electric guitar.
Thank u for coming to my ted talk
21 notes · View notes