#like Essek is not the only guy in the Dynasty who wants to actually *learn* about the Beacons

[evilroachindustrial]

Leylas Kryn is gonna be real bummed when she learns some broke dweeb just poured refined dunamis into this poor earth genasi's head and not like, an actual Chunk of a Beacon.

[catalists]

Chrome’s Shadowgast Fic Rec List, Vol 2

Alright, as threatened, it’s time for another list of fic recs, since you guys keep churning out absolute bangers. If you missed the first list, check it out here.

As before, the rules:

I’m limiting this list to one fic per author (but may repeat some authors from list #1.) I also link author profiles, so please check out their other fics as well!

 These are MY personal favorites. That means if you reply “you’re wrong because you missed X”, no I’m not.

Without further ado, (More of) My Favorite Shadowgast Fics:

* = fic is rated M or E 

Dunamancy 101: The Practical Application of Romance Upon Two Unsuspecting Wizards by Dragonslaeyr

Professor Caleb Widogast and Dr. Essek Thelyss' students just wanted a break from the sheer amount of assigned readings they had. As it turned out, both professors were single.

Events escalated from there.

It’s epistolary! It’s outsider POV! It’s a university AU! It’s literally everything you love! This fic is hilarious, heartwarming, and brilliantly rendered in the form of syllabi, chat messages between Essek and Caleb’s students, emails, and Rate My Professor reviews.

Refuge by kae_hunter

Essek watches Caleb languidly through the lashes of his usable eye. He has unquestionably just endured the worst day of his entire life: his title, his Den, the respect of his Queen, everything he’s worked towards for the past half-century, crumbled to dust in an instant. Adding injury to insult, he barely survived the two separate ambushes set by his former colleagues long enough to deliver himself as a warning to possibly the only people who might avert the impending apocalypse. In the past half hour, he has been repeatedly (and very painfully) jolted to and from the brink of death like a child’s yo-yo. And yet...

And yet, seeing this human’s face—this foreigner, who, not so long ago, he might have imprisoned or killed as “Empire scum” without a second thought—the tender studiousness of Caleb Widogast’s expression, as he gently dabs at Essek’s eyelid with a damp cloth... Essek finds himself strangely at peace with it all.

This is an older one--to the point where it’s not canon compliant anymore--but still 110% worth a read. The author has wonderfully vivid language and a superb blend of emotion and humor (and Yussa’s appearance is a ton of fun).

Hard Mouth* by road_rhythm | @road-rhythm

There's something in Caleb's dreams. It wants him to know that he's not alone. It wants him to know that he'll never be alone again.

Elves don't dream, so all Essek can do is watch.

A long canon-divergence fic that assumes Caleb didn’t take Mind Blank has his eighth-level spell and Trent Ikithon played a longer game in trying to take him down. If you’re looking for the emotional equivalent of getting repeatedly knifed in the gut, this fic is for you! Warning for dark themes; please be mindful.

It used to be if you don’t like it you could leave by thought

In which the humans do a politics, the Xhorhasians learn about potatos, and everyone decides five hundred years of living in disguise and on the run isn't actually a great life plan, Essek.

This fic is an absolutely delightful post-canon Shadowgast epic. It has it all: Essek and Caleb slowly inching their way into a relationship Without Talking About It, while all of Xhorhas is talking about their torrid love affair, with incredible dialogue and a beautiful look at the rest of the Mighty Nein on the side. Can’t recommend this one enough for the thoughtful worldbuilding and warm fuzzy feelings. Also, title is from “Rome” by Dessa, which is a banger.

The Upward Arc of Sun and Moon* by marsastronomica | @marsastronomica

Shadowhand Essek Thelyss of the Kryn Dynasty has been selected to spend the year at the Soltryce Academy, teaching the basics of an esoteric school of magic known as dunamancy. While the goal is to build better relations between the Dwendalian Empire and the Dynasty, it’s also the best way to prove to his mother he is committed to furthering the reputation of their well-regarded Den.

Renowned former adventurer Caleb Widogast has recently been appointed the Archmage of Civil Influence. Beloved by the common folk, Caleb finds himself frustrated with cutthroat peers and a morally lackadaisical aristocracy. Being able to attend every dunamancy lecture, plus new students and old friends, should keep his troubled mind away from unfinished business.

Though Essek and Caleb met three years ago, a misunderstanding put them at odds. The more they talk, the quicker Essek falls into his first romance…which unknowingly leads them both into a web of underhanded machinations.

Oh, man, I can’t say enough good things about this epic-length (seriously, long as hell, and if you’re anything like me you won’t want to stop reading) fic. It’s a gorgeous alternate universe, blending elements of canon with a university AU. The development of Caleb and Essek’s relationship is thoughtful, the dialogue is excellent, and the author even got me to enjoy things that usually aren’t to my personal taste.

Lay Your Bones by LadyOrpheus

Footsteps pad down the hall and past the stairs. Actual footsteps. Verin can’t remember the last time he saw Essek walk on his own two feet. He feels a twisted knot form beneath his sternum; something isn’t right.

Thinking only of justice and restoring his family's honor after Essek's betrayal, Verin Thelyss finds something he never expected, an Essek he never expected. A mission for justice turns into a race against time and a family finds their world upended.

A really powerful blend of kidfic and one of my personal favorite genres, ‘Essek gets arrested by the Dynasty and the M9 save him’. The use of POV is excellent and the characters are written thoughtfully and realistically.

a mirror to the sky* by renquise

Essek shows up on Caleb's doorstep in the bitter cold of winter.

It is still early in the day, barely three-sixteen, but the sun is already disappearing between the city houses, leaving only blue light in the streets. The temperature is falling with the sun and the moons are high in the sky, white and pink shadows against the blue. Essek is dark and indistinct in the doorway, the shape of him muffled by a heavy cloak, and they have need of each other’s complicated company.

As with all of renquise’s fics, this is a beautiful and delicately written fic about intimacy. The dialogue is exquisite, the language and POV is impeccable.

Out of Season* by aboxthecolorofheartache | @aboxthecolourofheartache

Caleb knows what it is to be hunted.  He sees it in Essek’s careful placement of his minimal luggage, how he has not unpacked anything more than what is needed at the moment, the modest respectability of his nightclothes, how he sets his boots by the bedroom door instead of on the tray in the foyer.

The Dynasty’s memory is longer than lifetimes, and Kryn lives are already long.  Ludinous Daleth keeps fat ledgers.  Their quarry will go to ground tonight with his head on Caleb’s pillow."

Another post-canon fic about Essek on the run, and Caleb, and Essek and Caleb together. If you enjoy being punched in the gut by your own emotions, this fic is for you! This fic is so well constructed, and it manages to hurt a lot and be warm and hopeful at the same time.

the fire kept closest (burns most of all)* by mousecookie | @ariadne-mouse

“Okay, you definitely have something new,” Beau said when he stalled for too long. “Spill.”

Essek continued to chew his thumbnail.  “Tour group on the lava field.  There was a sudden breakout from a soft spot.”

“...And?”

He took a breath, then shrugged.  “It looked like hands?”

(Aka, the spooky volcanology AU that absolutely no one asked for.)

The concept of this fic is fucking bonkers but the emotions it will cause you to have are worse! I feel especially compelled to recommend it because It’s Really That Good, No Really, I Swear. Funny and heartwrenching in equal measure.

The Climb by Chekhov | @thechekhov

It’s... the stupidest thing. Essek grits his teeth. It’s a trained habit - a way to redirect some of the pain without showing any symptoms. A Shadowhand never shows his hand, and it is this he excels at - a poker face, a well-concealed illusion of poise and grandeur and tolerance. But today, he is unlucky. Because there is little that escapes the keen mind of Widogast - and here he has quite the disadvantage. It is, quite literally, his least favored terrain. Stairs. ---

When keeping mages in an enclosed terrarium, please keep in mind the following: They need lots of places to hide and explore. Provide enrichment opportunities for them to keep them from getting bored - plenty of books, hidden treasures, and secret chambers. And if you're feeling bold, think about including an Anti-Magic staircase just to challenge them. See what they do with it.

A light-hearted one to end the rec list with; while of course I love Essek and Caleb at their most tortured, have a delightfully funny one with great, snappy dialogue where they’re only at the mercy of their own pride, stupidity, and each other.

And if you’re still on the hunt for more Shadowgast fic, there is my own ouevre, but I will rec my most popular one:

only code it knows is rote survival by Chrome

 Essek clung to her; his fingers gripped the front of her coat. He looked small in a way he never had before, frightened in a way that Caleb hadn’t fully processed he could be. It wasn’t Essek’s nervousness, the anxiety of a brilliant man who could see danger all around him, who could see the falling dominoes and the way the web he had woven had entangled him. It was the fear of a small child, or indeed, a stray cat—the fear of a creature trapped in a terrifying world it did not understand.

 Essek, brilliant Essek, Essek who believed he could find the answers to everything, unable to understand a thing—the thought of it stabbed at Caleb’s heart.

---

In a world where Trent makes it back to Eiselcross before the Nein do, Essek spends a night under the effects of the Feeblemind spell. Caleb undertakes a duty of care, and the Nein learn how Essek feels about them beneath everything.

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

Listen. Listen. The more I think about Essek’s reality the more amused I get. It’s like the Mighty Nein EXISTED to fuck his life over in the kindest way possible. 

One of their first functional (and one of their most defining) actions as a group was when they stole a Beacon -- one of HIS Beacons. A Beacon he took from the Dynasty and gave to the Assembly in an INCREDIBLY risky gamble, so risky it ultimately plunged the continent into war, because that’s how badly he wanted learn something about it.

And the Mighty Nein, on a fucking whim, vanished it from under their noses. NOT ONLY was Essek deprived of further research, but he couldn’t even smooth over the tensions on either side. Essek was probably the only person alive, besides the Mighty Nein, who could know for a fact that neither the Empire nor the Dynasty had what the war functionally started over. By stealing the Beacon, the Mighty Nein made sure neither side could be happy, and Essek was the one stuck in between.

But then, they returned it to the Bright Queen! Surely that’s good for Essek, right? Except, one, now he gets no more of the research he enabled a war for, and two, it wasn’t even traded as a price to stop the bloodshed, which seems to be something he genuinely wants. So, cool! Beacon #1 is certainly out of his hands, out of the hands of the people who might have told him SOMETHING about it, and it wasn’t even for the sake of the war ending. ...Great! Fun. Okay.

But what did the Mighty Nein trade it for? Why, the freedom of Essek’s prisoner, of course! Because surprise! That’s one of their number’s husband. And it’s a complete coincidence.  Were you using one of the poor saps conducting the research as a way to finally learn about said research, Essek? No longer. Yeza’s gone now. Suck it.

So, the Mighty Nein took a Beacon completely out of his hands, made it useless to him in every way possible, and removed his access to his one (1) avenue of information on the Beacon. That’s surely already Fuck These Guys territory for Essek, right?

Well, guess what Essek! YOU have been chosen to be the lucky drow who gets to babysit them! For the entire time! They’re here!

But hey, they’re only visitors, just keep them at arm’s length for a few days and then you’ll never have to see them aga- Oh look, your Den and by extension YOUR MOTHER gave them a house. They live here now.

And Essek just has to sit there like “... :).”

AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, EVERY WEEK OR SO, THEY COME BACK AND SAY:

“Hey Essek! We just thought you should know, we think there’s a traitor in the Dynasty, crazy right?”

“Hey Essek, we think this possible traitor actually GAVE the Empire the Beacons, isn’t that WILD?”

“Hey Essek, did we mention that we have connections not only to the Empire but to the Assembly specifically, AND we have easy access to the Empire in general, so we can totally dig around there AND here as much as we like? Wow, not many people could do that, huh?”

“Hey Essek, did you know our monk is trained to ruthlessly ferret out the truth no matter what, and also she’s super invested in the well being of all these civillians? Boy, she sure seems to want to get to the bottom of things!”

“Hey Essek, did you know that our wizard who knows a lot about the arcane and is super interested in dunamancy and also has a perfect memory was a Scourger in training and speaks Zemnian? He can interrogate another one of your captives for you, wonder if they know anything about traitors or what the Assembly might be up to!”

“Hey Essek, we have a cunning plan to interrogate ANOTHER prisoner of yours! You know, that one who totally sold the Beacons! Aren’t we smart, don’t you like it?”

“Hey Essek! This prisoner seems to be innocent? Like, his memories were planted and he’s almost been... framed, or something? Wild! Let’s go tell the Bright Queen together!!!!”

“HEY ESSEK! Crazy news, we almost single handedly coordinated a peace talks, and we’ll be overseeing all the big interactions on both sides! Wonder what we could learn from those interactions? Anyway, bye!”

IT NEVER ENDS. IT NEVER, EVER ENDS FOR ESSEK. HE LIVES NEXT DOOR. JESTER MESSAGES HIM CONSTANTLY. HIS MUM OWNS THEIR HOUSE. HE’S BORDERLINE AT THEIR BECK AND CALL. 

AND IT’S ALMOST LIKE THEY WERE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO COUNTERACT HIS EVERY MOVE.

WHICH HE HAS TO HEAR ABOUT. CONSTANTLY.

Not only should the Nein by all rights have disliked him, he by all rights should FUCKING HATE the Mighty Nein.

The Mighty Nein were the bane of his existence. He must have laid awake some nights, wondering if they were taunting him. How could they know so much, and yet not realise he’s the last person they should be confiding in? How could he have run into a group with an ex-student of one of the men he’s illegally working with, by accident? HOW could he have kidnapped, out of all the researchers involved with the Beacons, the one married to a Mighty Nein member? Why does the truth-sniffing monk know Undercommon now. WHY is the firblog so fucking perceptive. And please, please, why won’t the tiefling stop messaging him?

Surely, they’re taunting him. They’re his own personal hell.

And they keep inviting him to dinner.

...I think I’ve made the joke several times now that somewhere out there, the big players in the war must fucking hate the Nein, accomplishing so much by accident.

Well I’ve found out who that big player is and his name is Essek. It’s him. Everything the Nein have done of any significance has made specifically his life harder, and on top of all that? 

They don’t even let him hate them properly, like Actual Nemeses™. Instead they gave him a morality crises. 

Because that’s the final, most poetic indignity of them all. 

After all that, he likes them.

[acepalindrome]

Something I want to see in a oneshot some days is the M9 going out drinking and Essek getting absolutely plastered. Because like, he can drink casually, it’s kind of expected to have a glass of wine or whatever at fancy Dynasty parties, but he’s spent his whole life being so buttoned up and never letting his guard down, so he never ever ever drinks to excess or let’s himself get anything close to drunk. He rarely has more than one drink, and if he starts feeling even a tiny bit buzzed he’ll excuse himself until he’s safely sobered up. He’s careful.

But now he’s been with the Mighty Nein and it’s all been one long experience of learning to let his walls down and open up. He’s eaten grilled cheese and cast spells with his mouth full and cried in front of his friends twice in just a couple days.

So when they’re out partying and get into another Hour of Honor style drinking contest, it’s not that hard to convince him to join in.

This is after he’s already had a couple drinks. Someone passed him a brightly colored cocktail that’s a lot stronger than it tastes and he actually enjoyed it (he’s only had very serious fancy booze at parties before.) He’s starting to feel a little warm. He’s unbuttoned not just the top button on his shirt but the second button down. This is the most buzzed he’s ever been, and that’s before the contest starts.

He somehow manages to get through his round of the contest and the rest of the night is the Mighty Nein learning that drunk Essek has no inhibitions. Absolutely none. He causes property damage and/or injures himself doing dumb magic shit because he wanted to show off for his best friends. Who wants to see him cast Dark Star?? It’s a really cool spell!! Check this out guys!!

He also keeps getting struck by the urgent need to tell his friends just how much he loves them and how they’re all so great and deserve all the best things in the world and basically he just turns into that super supportive drunk girl in the bathroom with extra crying because he just loves everyone here SO MUCH (Yasha you are so nice and so strong and Beau is so lucky to have you I’m so happy for you two.)

Later he remembers very little of what happened and his friends take advantage of that to tell him that he got naked and ran around town causing a ruckus until someone is like ‘guys, don’t tease him. You didn’t get totally naked, Essek, you kept your underwear on. The little beacon pattern on your boxers was really cute btw’

[beetlemancy]

Beetle pls forgive my aggressive pettiness but People who I've had to bite my tongue and let go all the shitty comments they'v made about essek eat 👏 their 👏 words 👏 challenge. People really been out here insisting that essek can't actually care about the M9 and that time he basically said I can't regret my actions because the consequences included knowing you all, was just an excuse and proof he's a bad person and that there's "no way him being in aeor can be good" and "yeah they'd be better off not involving him" and my most hated "Im glad they decided not to go see essek and are with lucien". AND BLESS MATT for giving us confirmation that actually when essek said Yes! I will help you! Come to me so I can help you! Was 100% genuine and essek is a source of safety, someone they can trust. And in the same episode confirming Lucien really doesn't care, that not only would he let them die by his wilful inaction, if they ever tried to go against him he is perfectly willing and capable of killing them. (Unequivocally a Bad Guy, which I personally prefer in how it's quickly simplified some things and ironically might prevent some people from "woobyfing" him like they've been accusing essek fans of doing) Matt said I already gave y'all a purple boi friend come get him. BITCHES BE READY TO SEE ESSEK. ITS ME IM BITCHES

asdlk;fjdsfj this rant is beautiful i just want you to know and i do FEEL it (slight disclaimer, i’m still not willing to make the leap that essek will be able to help them the way we think they need help necessarily but i do absolutely believe he will be a safe moment during all of this if they can manage to reach him - okay moving on)

one of the best things about Matt’s characters is their inability to be just one thing. Essek did in fact help start/continue a war (people who think he had nothing to do with it AND people who think he was the sole catalyst are fooling themselves) and lets not pretend he was squeaky clean as the Shadowhand; having some form of control over the Dungeon of Penance and the methods used there is certainly not a stellar CV. 

and yet, his (at least current) allegiance is squarely with the M9. he said as much. he has no love for either Dynasty or Empire and simply found some kind of passion with the m9. whether we want to interpret it as friendship or romance or both, he is drawn to them and he genuinely was heartbroken to learn that he retroactively betrayed their trust. that wasn’t false, it wasn’t a plot or a manipulation - he is the very definition of their friend. 

and, obviously, the m9 are also correct to be wary of giving him the temptation of Aeor - much in the way they are wary of seeing it for themselves. the same way they were wary of giving the HFB to Yussa, and the same way they were watching Caleb like a hawk in there. the seduction of magical knowledge doesn’t just apply to one alignment. 

multiple things can be true! its so cool! essek is not perfect. essek is not JUST uwu hot boi, he is also possibly their most loyal ally by virtue of just how much he admires them. the m9 are RIGHT to be cautious of giving him access to something so powerful in the same way they should be cautious of any of them having that kind of power. there is no black and white - essek is as grey as they come, but you know... so are the M9. if you really think back to everything they’ve done, everything they’ve killed, are we really that surprised they would find safety with someone like essek thelyss?

[certainstarlightqueen]

Yeah, I'm still digesting the final episode of CritRole campaign 2, and as part of that process I made a final deep dive into my feelings about Essek and his crimes. After all, this is probably the last thing I'll ever write about this topic. If you're going to be upset by "Essek apologists" or whatever other derogatory term you prefer when dismissing other people's interpretations, stop reading here. You have been warned.

In my humble opinion, the Mighty Nein and the cast are very much overreacting when it comes to Essek's crimes... their hypocrisy when it comes to Essek is off the charts and has been ever since they learned about his actions. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, I get that Americans are a little obsessed with patriotism so maybe treason is a bigger deal to some of you than it would be for me. Feel free to call me an apologist, but hear me out:

The way I see it, Essek is guilty of 3 crimes (or 3 categories of crimes if you will):

1. Treason. Stealing the luxen, which indirectly started the war.

2. Betraying the mighty nein. Primarily by lying to them.

3. Actual war crimes. We know he was was involvert with torture and there has been hinted at some other misdeeds we don't know about.

Now how YOU judge these crimes based on your own hopefully law-abiding-citizen moral compass is one thing (and mostly irrelevant in this discussion) my argument is that the Mighty Nein should not be judging him as harshly as they do. Here's why:

1. Stealing the luxen was a crime against the Dynasty, but the Nein has no particular loyalty to the Dynasty nor it's religious practices. An act of treason against a nation they're not part of just simply shouldn't affect them as much as it seemingly does. A lot of the resentment towards Essek seem to be built on the idea that he "caused the war" which caused people to die, but imo that is an absurdly black and white way of looking at it. Was that guy who shot the Archduke and sparked World War I responsible for every life lost in that war? Of course not, the world was literally at the brink of war and it was only a matter of time until something pushed it over the edge. It has been stated time and time again in game that the Dynasty and Empire are at war with each other all the freaking time. That's why as soon as the luxen was stolen the Dynasty blame the Empire right away without any sort of proof. Wars do not start because one person does one thing, they start as a result of long running political schemes and clashing interests. Like I said, cultural factors may be at play here, but to me continously insisting that Essek must atone for every single life lost in the war "he started" is increadibly childish.

2. Ok, now this is the one that actually stands out as a good reason for the Nein to be upset because in this case they were directly and personally wronged. Building up trust with someone to the point where you consider them a friend only to realise that they lied and manipulated you is a legit issue and I totally get that they would be sceptical towards trusting Essek again after that. Although it should be mentioned that Essek, in his confession, specifically remarked on how he had already betrayed their trust before he met them. Like, he was already living on a lie when they became friends in the first place. Not to mention how he apologised profusely and never did something to slight the Nein ever again...

3. This one is, in my opinion, by far the most serious crime, but also one that the Nein have very little justification to resent Essek for without coming off as the biggest hypocrits on the planet. Now torture is horrific, there is no debate about that. Sooo....remember how Nott worked briefly as a torturers assistant? How Beau tortured that guard to death with acid? How the Nein themselves in the heat of (or aftermath of) battle have occasionally done things that would classify as either physical or psychological torture of people at their mercy? As far as we know these are the only true "war crimes" Essek has committed, and under orders from the Bright Queen nonetheless. Yet Essek is the only character ever addressed as a "war criminal". Honey, you're all war criminals by modern standards. Everyone you know who is even slightly involved with the war in this fantasy land is a war criminal. Including Astrid and Eadwulf, but no one ever told them to go give themselves up to the authorities to atone for their sins or whatever. Now not all of the Nein are at fault here, Jester, Caduceus, Yasha and Fjord all seem to realise that they are not in any position to judge and they tend to go easier on Essek. Meanwhile Beau, Caleb and especially Veth are so hypocritical it makes my skin crawl. Coincidentally these three are the ones who went full on murder hobo without a second thought just a few episodes ago. Veth was literally willing to do the exact same thing as Essek and risk another war for her own personal interests. It also doesn't help that Matt plays Essek as the most melodramatic f*cker ever, repeatedly declaring himself to be the worst person in existence and never ever standing up for himself. I'm sorry, but with the exception of Caduceus, the Mighty Nein and a good chunk of their allies are shady as all heck, and the way they, by the end, borderline suggested Essek turn himself in (likely to face execution) to "atone" when everyone else is walking away without a care in the world just comes off as tone deaf.

Feel free to disagree with me, but the aforementioned is one of the reasons I was disappointed by the conclusion of C2. I had hoped for some emotional growth from the Nein, but instead they kept the broken "war criminal" reccord going, even after Essek (as the only npc willing to do so) risked his life to help save the world. Honestly, at this point I kinda wish they would just stay away from heavy topics like this in C3.... if the cast wants to play a black and white game where the "bad man is evil and also bad" then that is their perogative, but it does make the characters come off as shallow and hypocritical. You can't first say "Yeah, the Gentleman partook in human trafficking in the past, but he's a cool dude. Total bro." And then turn around and be like "Yeah, Essek partook in torture in the past so he is an irredeemable criminal who has to work real hard if he ever wants to get close to being a good person!"

Anyways, this was all I had to say. I'm ready to move on from C2 despite the bad aftertaste.

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk

[the-promise-has-been-made]

Tonight I woke up with Essek feelings because... of the floating. And I had to sit down and write them out. Excuse the perhaps incoherent rambling, I am very emotional about this guy for some reason. Also there are obviously spoilers for Episode 91 ahead.

Essek floats because he thinks it’s expected of him. Like, he believes people will judge him if he doesn’t float, that because it is his ‘gimmick’ that he did once (possibly because he thought it was cool or it was something new he’s doscovered in his research and wanted to show it off? He said himself he was just ‘a boring guy’ so what if he does all this to make himself seem waaay more interesting than he is) they will think something is off if he doesn’t do it. It is part of this persona he has built up around himself to maintain the hard earned respect that comes with his position. He thinks of himself as a fake and is terrified of the idea of anyone finding that out, as if all the hard work he’s doing means nothing. He thinks he’s an impostor. Obviousl, he’s not, but brains are fucking weird.

And along come the Mighty Nein, this weird band of misfits that somehow bring back a beacon and move the Queen to tears and basically catapult themselves to respected heroes of the dynasty within a week and obviously he wants to impress them too with the floating but all it gets with them is ‘What the fuck why is this guy floating you guys does he maybe not have feet what is up with that?!’ and they set ball bearing traps for him and send him weird messages and call him floaty fuck (even though that was while playing a character, Essek did react very touchy to that so he’s very obviously very sensitive about his floating). And they are... impressed with it, sure, but then it turns out they are 100% okay with him not floating. Beau says ‘You don’t have to do that shit around us’. They ask if it’s exhausting and from the sigh he gives that was the first time anyone sincerely asked that. Like... this weird bunch of people are the first who actually seem to bother to ask about him, the only ones who seem absolutely happy to just have him around, floating or not.

And the more I think about his reactions whenever they have made attempts to strike up a friendship before, the more it strikes me as defense mechanisms on his part. He didn’t want to show weaknesses, didn’t want to give them an opening, didn’t want to seem like just ‘a guy’. And knowing how YOUNG he is for an elf, that makes so much sense because he’s this baby drow that has somehow ended up with a very important position and even though we haven’t seen it you BET there are people who’d happily see him fall and lose the Bright Queen’s favour (hence why he was so reluctant to tell the BQ about the prisoner he had been interrogating because if he came with half-baked answers, he’d make himself a target, but the Nein were there with him and he was relieved, also with how well it went). He is just a stressed kid waaaay out of his comfort zone and then there’s this bunch of crazy kids who don’t care about his carefully constructed persona at all and just want to be his friends, and he doesn’t have to keep up the walls he has built up to protect himself. So now he tries to get over himself (the little ‘um..how do I do... Uh, how was your day?’ from him at breakfast and the ‘I don’t really know how conversations work I haven’t done this in a while’) and learn how to people again, and he connects with this particular nerd who thinks Essek is amazing (Caleb’s words), and they just... they accept him. He must feel both so at ease but also so stressed about now because this seems like a completely new experience for him.

Just... I have a lot of feelings about Essek. I wonder if, in the future, when he’s around them, he will slowly stop floating and actually walk, and if eventually this friendship will give him the confidence to not feel like he has to be a persona for his role, but be himself even without the Nein there. I just have a lot of feelings about this NPC character development okay?!!

[aaand-you-float-really-good]

just doing my duty as the captain of the s.s jessek. with this entirely platonic piece of fanfiction..

It’s also on AO3. Have fun!

-

 “E- Thain! So good to see you again! I missed you!”

 Oh no.

 Essek quickly swallowed his mouthful of wine, and feigned surprise at Jester’s approach, as if he hadn’t kept his eye on the Nein the entire evening.

 Surely she hadn’t seen through his disguise?

 No, a quick look at his hands confirmed that the illusion was still active, and while maybe he hadn’t been the most convincing back at the docks, she would have no reason to suspect Essek of all people. Surely.

 No, this was just Jester being Jester and befriending anything and anyone that didn’t get away quickly enough.

 Which meant that it now was time for Essek to be Dezran Thain, who didn’t have too big of a stake in current goings on, and who didn’t have a reason to be hyper aware of this random group of adventurers.

 “Hm? Ah, yes… uhm… from the Mighty Nein, yes? But we only met a couple hours ago?”

 “Oh, yeah, I guess. But a couple hours is enough to miss someone, don’tcha think?”

 “I suppose…” Maybe if he gave short enough answers she would go away?

 Oh, who was he kidding?

 She pulled up a chair and sat down with their knees almost touching. “You know who I wish was here though?”

 He would be here for a while. “Hm?” But short answers still saved him from having to come up with lies.

 She leaned in, with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. “Our friend Essek!”

 That. Was a truly unfortunate turn of events.

 But at least it meant she didn’t suspect him.

 “I… don’t think I’m familiar?”

 Why did it have to be Jester of all people? Why did he have to feel this need to be gentle with her? He could have just been callous. He could have said that he didn’t care, and left.

 But no.

 It had to be Jester.

 “He’s great! He’s, like, a really powerful wizard! And I think he’s, like, a spymaster or something? I don’t know, actually. He’s never explained that. I guess I’ll have to ask him the next time I see him. What do you think a shadowhand does?”

 “Uhm… Well…” Actually that one was hard to explain, so it didn’t take too much acting talent to flounder over the answer.

 “He’s really cool though!” Jester went on. “He floats everywhere! And he’s super nice, too! He’s been helping us teleport around, even though Fjord’s been a bit of an asshole that one time, but Essek still helped us out, because he’s cool like that and I think he loves us? He’s been teaching Caleb some magic too, so Caleb’s been doing all kinds of cool magic recently!”

 “Caleb?”

 Wait, why did he ask that? He should leave now, not elongate the conversation by asking questions.

 “Yeah! He’s over there!” She pointed off to the side of the room, before giving a wave in the same direction. “Hi, Caleb!”

 “Hallo!”

 Essek glanced over to where Caleb had been standing for the last twenty minutes - because of course Essek had been keeping tabs - and saw the zemnian wizard give a quick little wave back in their direction.

 Right, back in character, he’d never talked to the man before. “Ah.”

 “Ooh, I wonder if he could teach Caleb how to teleport as well, then we wouldn’t have to ask Essek for favors all the time!”

 Why hadn’t Essek thought of that? He’d have to keep that one in mind, in the event that it would come up again.

 “Although, honestly, for the longest time that was the only reason why we were hanging out with Essek at all, and I do like sending him messages all the time! I don’t think he liked us or my messages very much at the beginning, but that’s okay, because I know that he likes us so much now!”

 She wasn’t wrong, and that was part of why this was so hard. He hadn’t cared much for anyone, but especially not for the people who went and      undid all his hard work    . But he had warmed up to them, and now he did like them… so much.

 He almost wished they hadn’t gotten involved, so they wouldn’t be in harm’s way now. Except for that very big and very selfish part of his heart that was so glad that he now had them in his life and wouldn’t give them up for the world.

 Of course, he couldn’t tell her any of that.

 “Ah, yes, that…”

 “And we love him a lot, too, of course!”

 Oh.

 That had been both unexpected and painful.

 He bit the inside of his cheek to keep tears from welling up.

 They couldn’t know. There was absolutely no way he was ever going to let them know what he had done. Because if they knew then there would be absolutely no way they would still… love him.

 “He’s always been so nice to us! He got us a house, you know! Well, his family did, but he was the one who showed it to us, so we kinda just associate that with him. But he’s really lovely though, and we love him so much!”

 Essek couldn’t even think of a mumbled answer, because he was busy choking down his emotions, so he took a sip of wine, to hide his lack of a reaction.

 “He’s hot, too,” Jester added as an afterthought.

 Essek almost choked on the wine.

 “Lord Thain! Are you okay?!”

 “Yes, yes, I’m fine.” He coughed a bit more until he stopped being in immediate danger of drowning.

 He needed to get out of this situation. And quick.

 But how?

 “Ah… this… friend of yours? He sounds like… a good person?”

 Well, that wasn’t the way.

 “Weeell… Yes and no…” She leaned in conspiratorially and quietly whispered in his ear. “Actually we recently discovered that he is a traitor!”

 Oh.

 “Oh.”

 Oh no.

 “Yes!” She glanced over her shoulders and continued even more quietly, “He traded away some sacred artifacts.”

 Oh shit.

 “Oh my! How- how have you come across this information? Have you- uhm- have you informed the appropriate authorities?”

 She leaned back and smiled at him, and that was a weird thing to do, right? “We’re not gonna rat out our friend! What do you take us for?!”

 Did she- Oh fuck, she knew. Why else would she be telling a random stranger who just so happened to be Essek in disguise? This entire conversation made no sense if she didn’t know-

 No, no. He had to assume she didn’t know. And if she had a hunch, then he had to do his damnedest to make sure he didn’t confirm it.

 “And you’re telling me? Why?” It wasn’t possible that they knew. Right? He was the shadowhand, for fuck’s sake! Not getting caught was his entire shtick!

 Jester winked at him playfully. “How do you think we found out?”

 “Ah.” So they did know.

 Unless they weren’t entirely sure and she was fishing for a reaction.

 “I- And what does that mean exactly?”

 Why was it so hard to lie to this little tiefling? If it had been anyone else, he would have been fine-

 And, well… Okay, no, that was a lie. Caduceus was too perceptive for his own good, Caleb had spent enough time with him to recognize his tells, Beau… was Beau, and the rest of them… He considered them his friends, and as he had only recently learned, it didn’t feel good to lie to friends.

 “Frumpkin was on the boat, watching, when you talked to Ludinus, and Caduceus did some magic to Beau that lets her see through illusions. Did you know that that guy over there is actually a dragonborn!?”

 “I- can’t say I did. Uhm…” She hadn’t said it outright. There was still room for doubt. She could still be lying.

 He needed to get out before he gave himself away. “I need to-”

 “Essek,” she whispered, and took one of his hands in hers. “We know. We need to talk about this. We’re not trying to get you into trouble or anything! We want to help! Well… we probably want to help. Kinda depends on how evil your motives were, I guess. Although we did some pretty messed up stuff as well…” She trailed off, looking off into space with a furrowed brow.

 “If…” There was no hiding it, was there? And if they were his friends… She said they wouldn’t sell him out. He trusted them. He needed to trust them. “If you knew then why did you say all of that?”

 “I needed you to know that you’re still our friend, and that we still love you, and that we’re gonna help you with this! Unless if your goal is to destroy the world or unleash the Chained Oblivion or something like that. In that case we’d have to stop you, probably.”

 She took another moment to screw up her face and think. “Also I was hoping that you’d reveal yourself. Because, you know, I was saying how great you are and how much we love you - which is all true by the way! I need you to know that! - and then you’d be all, like, overcome with guilt and also appreciation for your friends, so you’d cave in and just tell us what you did, and ask us for help, because we’re such cool friends!”

 She stopped again, and pouted. “That didn’t happen, of course, but it could have! And it’s definitely better than Nott’s- I mean, Veth’s plan of just poisoning you!”

 That sounded concerning. Maybe he should have a talk with Nott, or, apparently Veth now. Or better yet, maybe he should stay as far away from her as possible. Both options seemed reasonable right now.

 “I- yes, I do appreciate that you didn’t go with that plan. But I- You want to help me? With this?”

 “Yes!”

 “You’re aware of what I did, yes?”

 Jester looked at him with open and honest eyes. “You stole two beacons and started the war.”

 Well, if you put it like that…

 “And you’re okay with that?”

 She shot him a subdued smile and squeezed the hand that she was still holding.“What you’ve done is in the past, and can’t be changed now, right? All we can do now is try to make it better! And handing you over to the Dynasty for punishment isn’t going to actually stop the war or bring back the people that died in it! Don’t get me wrong, there'll probably be consequences, and I don’t think all of the others still trust you right now. But we will help you fix this!”

 “That- yes.” He bowed his head. “Thank you.”

 Jester took that opportunity to scoot closer and press her lips to his forehead. “You’re part of this family now. Welcome to the Mighty Nein.”

[readbythestarlight]

c2e88

Taliesin is so confused by this ad lol

Where is Laura?

The groans xD

Laura's?? Not here?? I mean I'm glad she's at the game awards but THIS IS SUCH A BIG WEEK STORY WISE

Boy we've just started and I'm already ready to die

[[MORE]]

I only just caught it just now but are the CA saying they recovered the beacon that was stolen? Aka the one the M9 returned to Xhorhas already? Or a different one?

The Bright Queen gave them a house and the best the empire can do is a cozy inn? Lame.

(I was always more pro-Dynasty than Empire but it's pretty much set now.)

Didn't even pay for their dinner?? Rude.

Cad: "I've had to learn new words for what happens to me now."

The Dynasty: "We cannot afford to 100% trust you but you have done us a great service so here is a house and a symbol to show you have the favor of our Queen."

The Empire: "You did us a great service but also fuck you here's a hotel and no meal and also if you don't do this thing for us we'll charge you as traitors even though only two of you are actually from the Empire."

lol the hotel workers are funny tho

Empire people? Cool. Empire rules? Fucking suck.

Nat20 for free stuff xD

F: "who's the grossest?"

Cad: "I was swallowed."

Y: "I haven't had a shower in months."

F: "oh! God! What!?"

Cad: "You've won first place."

Y: "Oh, no, I wasn't trying to like..."

J: "IM GOING FIRST!"

I'm worried about Caleb

Snuggling his cat and thinking over his trauma </3

Laura just left the awards show omg

Also the way that Travis looked at her like heart eyes and Laura being like "hey baby ;)"

She looks hot by the way

Yasha paying Fjord back from MONTHS ago is sweeeeet

The book? What's the book? I don't remember?

"Is there a chair...?"

"There is."

"Kill it with fire!"

Oh boy here we go

"And I think we need to work with him...?" I don't like that and I don't think you do he's a liar and a manipulator and a piece of shit

But I understand his point because they are in the worst potion right now

Cad: "if he even looks at you sideways we will not leave enough of him to be found."

Goddamn Caduceus. I love him so much.

Cad: "Well, what I mean was we will do all we can to keep you safe. Is... what I meant."

They're being very serious about this and I'm so glad

Well okay they WERE being serious...

Lol Beau with this teenager is so funny and adorable

I'm glad they're not all sleeping alone

Jester is all sad that Beau doesn't want to double up :(

The B/J/Y shippers just went wild lol

F to C: "if you want to finish this personally... let me know." Thank you Fjord

My old Widofjord shipping heart is happy

Omg Cad handing over the symbol of the Wildmom and telling Fjord he's doing well on his own IM HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS TONIGHT Y'ALL

Oh boy Yasha dream

I'm emotional

Like crying

Sure this guy does something neat with doors but doES HE FLOAT??

I miss Essek

The only mage with a tower I trust is Yussah and it is NOT this guy

Of course Trent is the one who confirmed it had been found

It's definitely trapped somehow

I don't like that they have to go somewhere that Trent decides

WHISPERS

he's a shifty fucker right we all know he is

Double whispers

Lol meeting in the Happy Fun Ball

I was gonna say the Forge

Jester wants to have it at Traveler con xD

Jester is weirding him out and I love it

God sure have this very serious possibly war ending meeting on The Ball Eater sure

They're disasters

I can't decide how I feel about him and I want to hear the results of the whispers

Oh no I'm worried about Yasha

Okay... so he's helping hide Yasha that's good, but is he also gonna hold that over them?

I hope Trent looks at Caleb sideways so the M9 can cut him into pieces

I feel like this guy is meant to be the Empire version of Essek but he's got nothing on Hot Boi

In a dense forest under a bunch of trees and a tower in the middle of nowhere

Oh fuck the sanitorium oh god oh fuck someone immediately check on Caleb

Trent did that on purpose

Hey Cad remember when you said y'all were gonna tear Trent apart if he tried to hurt Caleb? It's time to start ripping.

I haaaaaate this

I'm still trying to decide if Caleb legitimately snapped or if something was done to him

I want to crawl through my screen and strangle Trent myself

Someone please stay between Caleb and Trent at all times

So... nobody in the empire questions why Trent Ick-athon has a laboratory in a sanitorium huh. Like that doesn't ring any bells?

Also fuck it's Edowulf

Astrid's gonna come in to try and throw Caleb off isnt she

Liar liar pants on fire every word out of your mouth is a lie you vile don't of a biiiitch

WHISPERSSSS

he's a liar liar liar

Or he's telling half the truth

So the tripod... prevents it from working?

God he's such a condescending fuck I hate him

I haaaaate him and I hate that he's playing it so cool and calm because that makes Caleb seem like the unreasonable one which is brilliant of him but it just makes me loathe him even more

Oh god Caleb please roll well

Fuck fuck fuck I hate him fuck someone GET BETWEEN THEM

I feel gross and I'm not even in the room with Trent ugh

This tense standoff between Caleb and Trent is physically fucking me up my skin is crawling

Also Nott touched it and nothing happened

Eowulf is one of Trent's "favorite" and and he's looking at Caleb like a creep

Even if I don't trust him I appreciate Ludinus stepping in to cut the tension

Beau trying to trip him upppppp I love her

Alright time to get them out of there Ludinus

Shut the fuck up Trent you state away from both Caleb AND Yasha

C: "Wulf. It's good to see you again."

Eowulf: "it's good to see you too. It's been some time. You look good."

I haaaaaaaaate that they're all being so calm and semi-friendly because again it makes Trent and his ilk look like the reasonable ones

Ludinus: "I can always deal with Trent after the fact."

Y: "Let us know when you do that. We would like to help." Damn fucking straight

Essek scrys because he's worried about them and he pops in just in time to hear Jester insulting his teleporting Lol

I get the feeling Matt is tweaking the time of Traveler Con a bit because he doesn't want Jester to feel pressured to interrupt important things

Is the Wildmom illegal in the Empire?

Ha Fjord impressed Ludinus nice

L: "it's... entirely off-putting how disarmingly charming you are. I don't know how to handle it." That is the funniest thing anyone has ever said about Jester

J: "are you alright Caleb?"

C: "I don't know."

Y: "I don't like him at all."

Everyone else: "same/oh god no."

Okay Wildmom is illegal time to hide your shiny thing

Cad: "I have never seen another person walk so daintily around the truth."

See every time Caleb talks about how Trent gave "private lessons" my skin crawls it just draws too many parallels to creepy creepy shit

Yasha is gonna be good for Caleb here, they both understand what it's like to be used and controlled and manipulated

So like Trent was THERE and if he saw that Caleb knew about the beacons then he's gonna know that somehow they were involved with the beacon disappearing

Oh she's creepy

Cad gonna buy the femur flute lol

The pranksters gonna get that glue oh lord

Yasha gets a bone harp and she and Caduceus start the most unnerving band ever and I for one am THRILLED

Don't they still need to fetch something for the three kobolds in a trench coat? Let alone for Pumat and now this woman lol

Pride silk.... oh dear it's gonna be mutant bugs

Called it

Three silk worms good luck bringing those back

Matt's like WOOO fight tournament hell yeah!

Y'all should go take downtime in Xhorhas in the Xhorhaus and talk to Essek about all this

....I just really miss Essek guys please

Liam O'Brian you will NOT let Caleb sneak off on his own to go see Astrid you CANNOT ajslajkssksk

This episode didn't go as painfully/badly as it could have but it still stressed me out a lot and I'm still worried about Caleb and Trent Ick-athon can choke and if Caleb really goes go off on his own I will scream like baby PLEASE

God now we have to wait a whole week IS IT THURSDAY YET

[readbythestarlight]

c2e80

We’re back! Time to see how the crew handles that failure (I’m still glad they failed tbh)

Aw guys don’t be silly people like you! And you’re pretty badass and you’re INCREDIBLY LUCKY

Lucky to be alive for example

Tell Essek in the morning yeah

Oh boy

I mean we all knew there was a mole but

[[MORE]]

It can’t be Essek tho right he’s not old enough

Oh shit no that’s recent FUCK PLZ DONT BE ESSEK

Oh fuck oh dear I hope nobody followed her

J: we’re so stressedshould get in the hot tub

F,B: meanwhile, checking all over the house to make sure nobody is spying on them

B: "If they could lift the ban...?"

D: "......excuse me?"

Have they told Dairon that the Cobalt Soul was attacked?

Oh god is it a surveillance device??

Someone is scrying on them fuck

They’re so fucking stupid xD

B: "I hope we weren’t saying anything stupid at the time" lol the odds of that

Scry needs a *69 option if you catch it

If they’d had time to think they should have all split up to see who the scry followed

Okay so yes Dynasty, no Essek, that’s good

Ohhhh the Bright Queen commanded it frick

Aw Jester!! Sweetheart :(((

J: "also we want to talk to you because we miss you aaaaaaand... you float really good!"

M: *cracking up* "just a reminder that you don’t have to use EVERY word."

...Guards?

Oh no Dairon was that you?

Essek with guards oh dear

They’re starting to suspect hot boi and I am sad

If the ball follows them that’s bad BUT Matt hasn’t made them roll for anything which means they can’t actually be the person being scryed, right?

Did they just pop into his tower without asking AGAIN?? Guys xD

Whyyyy did she have to roll to see if the message went through?

I’m mildly nervous something seems weird

Oh boy Yussah got stuck in the Happy Fun Ball

They should go in after him because 1) Yussah will be so embarrassed and 2) if he IS stuck Yussah will owe them so hard

Whoooooo is it gonna beeeeee

J: "did you ask who it was!"

Goblin: "no I forgot D:"

Oh boy

Is it

Is it

ALLURA??

ALLURRAAAAA

I didn’t finish all of C1 (or even most of it) but I loved Allura for what little I saw her

Watching the cast freak was so cute

A: "the archmage bane, it’s in the damn name, Yussah you fool" I love her

lol whispers over Allura

Taliesin what was that face

Oh boy they get to go in on their own

WAIT WHAT HEArt IS in THE FUN BALL?

THE PERMAHEART?

THE LAUGHING HAND’S HEART?

HOLY SHIIIIIT

N/S: "she is the BEST detective!"

I too feel slightly better about Yussah now that I know Allura knows him and seems mostly okay with him

That was a longer than usual break seems like

Yeaahhhh here we go happy fun ball time!

I get what Jester means about not going anywhere they don’t have a map for, but I feel like Yussah isn’t going to be somewhere he’s already mapped

That’s a good question, will things specifically only attack archmages or will Caleb eventually be in more danger?

Frogs. Danger frogs.

NOTT NO

Oh my goddddddd xD

Oh hey we’re back to fighting demon frogs!

Demon frogs demon frogs

Yayyyy!

FJORD

DIDNT YOU LEARN NOT TO WANDER OFF ON YOUR OWN AFTER LAST TIME

Okay fine at least you were able to save yourself

Caleb please don’t be dumb.

You cannot afford to be dumb in this place.

I know you want stuff but be smart ffs.

I wonder how many weeks we’re gonna be stuck in the happy fun ball

My money says probably just next week but maybe more who knows