#like 1) crazy how regular i am. 2) the second i realised it was a period hormones thing it immediately became embarrassing 😭😭😭

[violentdevotion]

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[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being the outgoing social daughter of Bumi and developing a friendship with Huan Beifong. Huan develops feelings for you but doesn’t know how to handle that so uses art to express himself...which Wei and Wing share with you, exposing Huan’s secret.  

Part 2 here

Part three here

You had come along on the avatar’s trip to find airbenders mainly because you and your father were now airbenders too thank to harmonic convergences but also because you longed to see more of the world and this seemed like the perfect excuse. You were obsessed with Zafou for many reasons but the art and culture was the main reason. Growing up in the fire nation, where your mother was from, there was not much of that. All art work was usually portraits or statues of royal family members and there were no dances just for fun or non-formal occasions. But in Zafou everywhere you looked there was individuality or creativity. Through their dancing to their method of bending, everything about Zafou was beautiful to you. When you first saw Huan it was while he was working on a sculpture. He got annoyed when Bolin couldn’t tell what the sculpture was but you hardly even heard their argument. “it’s not a banana. I was inspired by harmonic convergence, it represents the dawning of a new age..obviously” Huan glared before frowning as he noticed you. You’d stepped closer to look at the sculpture and were now right beside him gazing at his work “wow this is amazing” you grinned “you do all of this just using your bending?” you asked positively beaming. Huan looked at you, confused why you were smiling so brightly at him. “Erm yes...” he nodded. “That’s so cool” you told him “that must take a lot of precision and skill!”. “...well yes it does” Huan agreed and you smiled at him. Huan looked away from your intense eyes, blushing slightly and walked away. You stared at his pieces of art in awe not noticing his discomfort at all. 

Huan was the first artist you’d ever met and you were very intrigured by him so you found your way back to Huan’s work area later that same day. He didn’t hear you as you walked towards him but when you got close enough to see his face you saw he was wrapped up in thought and paused. You didn’t want to disrupt him, you understood not to stop an artist in their flow (something your dad always told you when he was in the middle of one of his stories) so paused. You’d wait for him to stop and them greet him. You hopped up onto a statue you could use as a bench and waited.

Huan’s POV 

When Huan did see you, your red airbender uniform catching his eye, he jumped not knowing how long you’d been there watching him. He stared at you trying to think of a reason why you’d be here when you noticed he’d seen you and waved happily. “Hi Huan” you called and he frowned “erm hi, what are you doing there....”. Your smile didn’t fade at all “I was just watching you work, I hope you don’t mind I’ve just never seen an artist work before! Can i sit in on your session?”. Huan didn’t blush easily but he felt his cheeks heat up and his throat go dry. “Erm sure, just keep quiet okay? I need to concentrate”. You nodded obediently “you won’t even know i’m here” you smiled but Huan doubted that.  

Huan could tell you were an airbender because hours later you were still sat as still as a mouse watching him contently and it drove him crazy. Huan couldn’t focus, his mind kept wandering back to you and he could swear he could literally feel your gaze on him. Huan didn’t get why you were here?  Everytime he glanced back there you looked happy and interested, you’d smile at him and he’d blush. Embarassed Huan decided he wouldn’t look at you anymore but his mind was still on you. Had Wei and Wing put you up to this? There was no reason you were this interested in art to sit on an uncomfortable metal statue for hours watching him achieve nothing. Frustrated Huan sighed “nothing’s coming to be today I am done for the day”. You hopped off your perch “that’s okay i’m sure you’ll get it tomorrow”. Huan stared at you confused at your niceness and just sighed tired of trying to figure you out. “Can i come back tomorrow?” you asked shyly and Huan couldn’t bring himself to tell you no, you seemed like one of those people too sweet for even Huan to disappoint. “I guess” he shrugged and you grinned “thanks Huan” and bounded away. Huan sighed watching you, he figured you were just intruged by the loner Beifong, you’d soon realise he was nothing special and grow bored of him.

Huan was proved wrong, everyday you’d appear in Huan’s work space and watch him quietly. Even though your visits were now regular it didn’t mean Huan coped better, if anything he got worse. His work progress dwindled but he had to admit there was something comforting about your optimistic presence. Huan found he was thinking about you more in these sessions than his own work and had given up trying to stop thoughts of you popping up in his head and just let them be. Recently Huan was wondering if you were uncomfortable sat on the metal beam you’d chosen as a seat. It wasn’t really a seat and must be cold and hard but you never complained or fidgeted. Huan wondered if he should make it into a bench and got annoyed at himself for focusing on that instead of his art work. He tried turning his attention back to his work but couldn’t get his worry for you out of his head so just sighed turning around "y/n stand up". You bounded up and looked at Huan trustingly. Huan didn’t especially like talking to you, it made him blush and feel stupid because he always stuttered or muddled up his words so he just pulled you away from the statue. He started to bent the metal and could feel you watching right behind him which made sweat roll down his forehead. It took a while and the silence as you waited made Huan uncomfortable but finally he was finished and nodded to you "there now you can sit more comfortably". You looked from Huan to the bench and smiled "a bench...you made a bench for me". Huan blushed "i just thought...". "That’s so kind thank you" you smiled placing a hand on his arm. Huan tensed as you touched him but didn’t pull away. "I’ll let you get back to work" you smiled and walked away to your new bench happily

1 week later

You spent more and more time with Huan, not only in his outside work space but also in his inside studio and had even minorly assisted Huan with one of his projects. Huan had come to class you as a friend, well maybe not a friend but he liked your presence and although he didn’t speak to you lots he’d come to speak with you more than he did his family. You were just an easy person to talk to and Huan was growing in his confidence with you when it was all yanked away when the avatar left Zafou and you had to go too. When Huan heard the news you’d be leaving he told himself this was good, now he’d be able to get back to his projects, which he’d fallen far behind on and finally focus. But when you left Huan felt weird. Being in his studio now felt lonely without you, the empty bench in the yard felt so daunting and large without you on it and he couldn’t help but picture you sat there and wish you were there. All this annoyed Huan and he decided he needed to get it out, to get the image of you out of his head and onto something solid. Maybe then he’d stop thinking about you so much. So he locked himself away for three weeks and worked on a painting of you just as he remembered in what was becoming his most fond memory, you sat in the garden of his work space watching him. Huan worked tirelessly night and day to make it fitting and corrected any small imperfection mercilessly. When Huan finally finished at 5am on the third week of his project he was utterly exhuasted and promptly collapsed into sleep right there on the floor. The painting he’d created of you finished proudly in the centre of his studio.  

Huan woke up to voices and knew there were intruders in his studio. He peered through the darkness and saw it was his twin brothers as expected. “Ow” Huan cried when one of them stood on his hand. “Ow there you are” Wei said “why’s it so dark in here...”. Wing reached the curtain and tugged it open giving Huan the urge to hiss at how bright it was. “He lives” Wei cried. “Yeah but he looks pretty rough” Wing smirked before his eyes drifted across the room and Huan realised he hadn’t covered your painting. “Ow what’s this...” Wing called crossing the room and Huan tried to grab him but failed. Wing dodged his brother and stood infront of the painting “Wei come here” he said after a few seconds of staring. “No stop it” Huan cried getting onto his feet but his brothers had already seen it. Wei whistled at the size of the painting but them paused “wait is that...y/n?”. “Oh my god it is” Wing cried as Huan tried to cover it up finally reaching them. “You painted her! did she ask you to do this?”. “No she doesn’t know” Huan muttered getting the cover over but Wing just tugged it away. “Is it a gift for her?”. “No it was just...something I did” Huan sighed and Wei and Wing smirked locking eyes. “No...no” Huan started but his brothers ignored him. “Awww you’ve got it bad brother” Wing smirked grabbing Huan. “I don’t have anything” Huan snapped trying to get out of his stronger brother’s grip but Wei grabbed his other arm trapping him. “Yes you do, look at how you drew her, you drew her like an angel, the light on her face like that...”. “No I didn’t...that’s just how she looks”. “You realise you just implied she’s an angel right?” Wei asked “and yet you claim you don’t totally fancy her”. “I do not! Y/n’s just a friend...maybe not even that” he snapped yanking his arm out of their grip “now get out of my studio!”. “Ow my god there’s more” Wei cried seeing the canvases behind the painting and Wing laughed “i don’t think he just likes y/n...”. “They were my first drafts!” Huan cried “that’s all! I was going to do one more focused on her face but that’s hard when she’s not here so i did a more landscape version”. “Yeah sure” Wing smirked “how about we show y/n these and see what she thinks?”. “No, no way!” Huan cried putting himself between his brothers and the paintings. Huan didn’t totally know how he felt about you, although he had his suspicions, but he knew his brothers telling you terrified him. The twins went to argue and Huan’s anger peaked “You will never tell a soul about the painting or else! Now get out!” he yelled. “Fine geesh” Wei smirked “we know when we’re not wanted, come on Wing”. 

Wei and Wing’s POV

Wei pulled Wing out of the room and Wing turned to him “we’re not seriously keeping this quiet right?”. “No we’re going to get the painting to y/n, our brother needs some help admitting he likes her and what better thing to prompt him to confess that y/n herself?”.

Your POV  

“Y/n!” you heard someone call you and came out of your room to find your father and uncle Tenzin dragging a large package into the house. Given the size of the package a crowd had gathered and you joined them. “Woah what is this?” you asked and your father huffed “well don’t you know it’s addressed to you”. “Me?” you cried “but i didn’t order anything”. “It says your name very clearly” Tenzin said reading the label “maybe it’s a gift?”. “A gift that size” Asami whistled and Bolin nodded “open it y/n! open it! open it!”. Your cousins joined in the chant and you nodded “okay, okay” and stepped forwards. “Erm Korra a little help?” you asked and she nooded. She slit the box with metal bending and the box opened with small foam balls falling everywhere. “This is the best gift ever” Meelo cried and Tenzin frowned “Meelo that’s not the gift....Meelo don’t eat that!”. You laughed as Tenzin yanked the plastic from Meelo’s mouth when Korra gasped “y/n it’s....it’s”. Your aunt Kya got to the box next and she had a similar reaction “it’s beautiful” she gasped “y/n who did this?”. “Did what?” you asked and Korra turned to your father “Bumi hold the box while I pull it out. It took Tenzin, Bumi, Kya and Korra to get it out but when they did you all went silent. It was one of the most beautiful things you’d ever seen. The painting showed a young woman sat on a metal bench surrounded by flowers and trees. The sun was setting making the colour of all the plants stand out against her red clothes. The girl seemed to be mid laugh and looked beautiful. “Wow” you gasped as Asami smiled “you look beautiiful”. “What do you mean?” you asked and she frowned “y/n thats you!”. “No it’s not me...” you frowned before realising the red clothes were your air bending uniform. “Who sent this?” Bolin asked as you stepped closer to the painting. The scenery looked familair...and the metal bench... “Huan” Korra said suddenly “that’s his name there in the corner signed isn’t it?”. Tenzin nodded “yes, he is more talented than I thought”. “Huan did this?” you asked before smiling “he knew I liked art so he made me a painting”. “It’s beautiful” Jinora smiled “it’s probably one of the only pieces of art featuring an airbender in centuries and I’ve never seen one this beautiful before”. “You’re probably right Jinora” Tenzin nodded “airbender rarely comissioned paintings or had much use for fine arts so this is quite special, did you know about this y/n?”. “No” you smiled “he must’ve been working on it for ages without telling me, I have to go thank him, uncle Tenzin can i borrow Oogie?”. Tenzin looked to Bumi who just stared at him and so nodded “yes...”. You thanked him rushing out of the door in the blink of an eye. 

Bumi’s POV

“Now that is a nice piece of art” Bumi smiled exmaining the painting as Tenzin appeared beside him. “Yes...Huan must really like y/n”. “Well who doesn’t like my daughter? She’s amazing” Bumi said smiling proudly. Tenzin coughed not sure why his brother was so relaxed about this. “yes, but aren’t you concerned?” Tenzin asked but Bumi just shrugged. “Why would I be concerned?”. “Well Huan has taken it upon himself to do this beautiful painting of your daughter and she see’s it and runs off to travel three hours in this weather to tell him how much she likes it”. Bumi nodded still not getting what Tenzin meant and Tenzin sighed “aren’t you worried that this large gesture is a show of Huan’s intentions for y/n?”. When Bumi continued to frown Tenzin rolled his eyes “that he’s possibly in love with her”. Bumi physically jumped “no he can’t be, this doesnt mean that, my y/n’s still a kid, she’s still my baby girl”. “I mean her and Huan did become pretty close” Bolin nodded and Bumi glared “you take that back”, “And look how he drew her” Mako nodded “she’s the most beautiful girl i’ve seen in any painting”. Bumi glared “are you interested in my daughter too huh police boy?”. “No, i just meant look at how he sees her, I think Tenzin’s right”. “Ow no, i’ve let my daughter run off to her boyfriend unsupervised” Bumi cried “I need to stop her before I loose her forever” and he ran out the door. 

Your POV    

You arrived at Zafou cold and tired but still so excited to see Huan. You hoped he wouldn’t mind you showing up so abruptly and made your way to his inside studio figuring he’d be in there given the weather. It started snowing an hour into your journey and hadn’t stopped since. When you got to Huan’s studio however the lights were off and the door locked so you sighed not sure where to try next, you had no idea where his bedroom was. You were wandering around trying to find the main house when two figures appeared. “Y/n?” Wei and Wing called and you grinned relieved to see them. “Hey guys it’s so good to see you! I’m lost can you help me find Huan?”. “Why?” Wing smirked “did something come in the mail?”. You grinned “you guys knew?”. Wei nodded “Huan showed it us, it was beautiful wasn’t it?”. You nodded “It was amazing, that’s why I came, to thank him for it, nobodies ever given me such a beautiful present before”. Wing smiled “yeah well it would be Huan”. You frowned as Wing an Wei exchanged looks “why because he’s an artist?”. “No, we meant if anyone would give you a gift like that of course it’d be Huan”. Your frown deepened “it would...why?”. Wei sighed “now look y/n we don’t usually get involved in stuff like this but seeing as our older brother is useless at stuff like this we’ll tell you okay?”. You nodded not sure what you were expecting them to say but it wasn’t what came next. “Huan likes you...a lot....like a lot of a lot”. You paused “he does? but...no, we’re just friends”. Wing smirked “maybe to you but to Huan? He liked you y/n, he sulked for ages after you left”. “No...I mean i wasn’t even sure Huan actually liked me until I saw the painting, we’re just friends I’m sure”. “Y/n didn’t you notice how he painted you, how much attention to detail he paid to you, you don’t do that for any friend”. “well maybe not...”. “And we’ve seen him with you” Wei told you “y/n he’s never show an interest in any girls...and he’s had interest from pleanty of pretty ones before but he never even paid attention to them, let alone made them a 4 foot masterpiece”. You blushed “you really think your brother likes me?”. Wing smirked “we know so because he does that same blush when we mention your name to him”. You blushed even more and Wei smirked “the light in Huan’s room has just switched on, my guess is he’s in there”. You looked at the illuminated window and suddenly felt nervous to see him. “You think I should...talk to him about this?”. “Yes” Wing and Wei answered automatically and you paused “i don’t know maybe he doesn’t actually...” making Wei sigh and look to Wing.  “Huan!!!” they both yelled. You jumped and hit them both lightly “why did you do that! Now he’s gonna...”., “Y/n?” a familiar voice called and you spun to see Huan’s head poking out of his window. “Hi” you smiled “I just came to thank you for the painting and i bumped into Wing and Wei”. “painting...Wing and Wei?” Huan asked and it all clicked and he glared at his brothers. “You little...” he started when Wing and Wei smriked “aren’t you going to invite y/n in Huan? She flew all this way just to see you”. You and Huan both blushed but Huan looked at you “you did? that’s like four hours and it’s almost winter”. You shrugged “it was only three and i wanted to see you in person”. Those words made Huan feel dizzy and he smiled without realising it “well come inside you must be freezing”. You hurried inside and Huan glared at Wing and Wei “I will pay you back for this” but they just winked and walked away. You reached Huan’s room and huddled in front of the fire. Huan resisted the urge to wrap a blanket around you and tried not to stare at you. You’d never been in Huan’s room before and broke the silence after looking around “your room’s lovely” you smiled and Huan felt pleased. “You think so?”. You nodded admiring the many books and instruments dotted around “but I knew it would be”. “How?”. “Well i mean you’re an artist and well dressed, you have an eye for colours and stuff so i guess i assumed you’d be good at decorating too”. Huan blushed but smirked “you know that’s not how art works right?”. “I know” you nodded blushing and Huan was confused why, you’d never acted nervous around him before but now you did....was it the painting? Had he creeped you out? “What did you think of the painting?” Huan asked bravely and your face soon broke into a smile again “I love it!”. “Yeah?” Huan asked acting like those words didn’t make his stomach do backflips “you do?”. You nodded “it was so beautiful, all the delicate brush strokes and merge of colours, I was so pleased you based it on me”. “It wasn’t based on you it was you” Huan said confused and you blushed again “I mean but it can’t be...I don’t look like that, the girl you based on me was...well more beautiful than any human i’ve ever seen”. Huan frowned, it had taken Wei and Wing a second to realise it was you too. “I apologise” Huan frowned “I must not be as good a painter as I thought”. “Are you kidding you’re amazing” you cried and Huan shook your compliment away. “You’re not the first person to struggle placing the girl as you, I do not understand though, to me that is how you look”. Huan seemed to realise what he’d said after he said it and saw your reaction in slow motion. You gasped slightly, your lips parted as you stared at him and what he’d just said. You met his eyes and then both looked away rapidly.  Huan was blushing and kicked himself for saying that. “Do you really see me like that?” you asked and Huan nodded “yes”. “so it’s true” you said softly “what Wei and Wing said”. Huan frowned “wait what?”. You jumped and Huan regretted talking so loudly, “i’m sorry” he said lowering his voice “what did Wei and Wing say to you?”. You blushed and Huan swallowed this could not be good. "They said you...were fond of me". Huan’s tanned skin turned red and you paused unsure if that was a good or bad reaction but carried on now you’d started "that you liked me". Huan didn’t reply so you sighed "do you Huan?". Huan fiddled with his metal bracelet before nodding "yes". He looked at you waiting for your response and saw you frown. His heart sank, when he realised you weren’t looking at him but to the door where you could hear raised voices. "Dad?" you asked when the door was thrown open and Bumi appeared. "Ow y/n!" he smiled seeing you before he spotted Huan "you!" he all but gasped. "Get away from my daughter you tatooed dyed haired ruffian” Bumi yelled and you stared eyes wide “dad!”. Huan didn’t seem concerned though he just watched your father calmly. “Sir I am not inappropriately near your daughter and I don’t have a tattoo” when Bumi cut him off punching him in the stomach. “Put them up” he cried “we will fight for my daughter’s honour!”. “Dad!” you cried pushing him away from Huan with airbending. You rushed to Huan who was doubled over “Huan are you okay?” you asked putting an arm around him and he nodded “he just winded me that’s all”. You spun on your father a face like thunder “outside now!”. Huan watched amazed as your father hung his head in shame and obeyed.

After strong words with your father you sent him away to wait by Oogie for you and returned to Huan. You knocked nervously and opened it when you heard Huan call back. He was sat down and you scanned him for any signs he was hurt. “I’m sorry about that” you frowned “are you okay? He didn’t hit you too hard did he?”. Huan blushed embarassed and shook his head “i’m fine”. Your father just beat him up, there was no way even if you did like him before that you liked him now. "My father always has amazing timing" you frowned "Huan i’m sorry...i never got to reply to you". "It’s okay" Huan shrugged but you shook your head "no it’s not but hopefully i can take you out on a date to make up for it?". Huan paused and looked up at you "what?". "Well if you wanted to..." you blushed "i like you too". Huan stood up and honestly you expected a smile, maybe a laugh, perhaps ever a hug or kiss but you didn’t expect Huan to disagree with you. "No you don’t" he said simply. You paused "i’m sorry what?". "Girls like you don’t talk to people like me and if they do they certainly don’t want to date us". You frowned "what do you mean girls like me?". "All pretty and confident and nice..." he sighed "why would you like me i’m nothing like you?". "Maybe that’s why?" You shrugged “opposites attract and all that?”. Huan shook his head "no you date boys like Wing and Wei not me". "Says who?" You asked "i don’t want to go on a date with your brothers...no offence they’re lovely but well you're different..:.”. “Because I’m an artist?” Huan asked “is that it? You’ve never met one before you’re probably just impressed with that!”. "Why are you trying to convince me i don’t like you?" you asked and Huan rolled his eyes "because its better that way, it’s easier you realise it now rather than later down the road..it would certainly be a lot kinder on me". “But I...what do you think I’m going to do? Get bored or something? Change my mind?”. Huan went quiet and you knew that was it, Huan didn’t think you really liked him, he thought this was a phase. "Why don’t you believe me?” you asked confused and Huan sighed angrily “because why would I? Why would I believe someone like you would like me?”. “Because you’re an amazing guy with tons of good qualities” you shot back and Huan laughed “sureee I can’t think of a single thing you like about me other than me being an artist”. “I could name tons of things!” you cried and Huan raised his eyebrow “ow yeah?”. “Yeah” you cried and took a deep breath. Angrily, you faced Huan fully and listed whatever came to mind. “I like how your hair looks and the dyed green bit especially. I like how sure of yourself and your art you are. I liked how your face clouds when you’re working and how you scrunch up your nose when you’re concentrating especially hard! I like how you speak your mind and don’t try and be polite! I like how you can also be really sweet and thoughtful. I like how you’re like nobody i’ve ever met before and not because you’re an artist or a Beifong but because there’s nobody else like you Huan...”. You would’ve carried on but Huan was embarassed and overcome with emotion so just did what he body told him to do. Huan cupped your face and cut you off as he kissed you. You gasped in shock at the sensation and the realisation that Huan was kissing you sunk in but rushed to kiss him back none the less. Huan seemed to lose confidence really quickly and his eyes snapped open and he let go of you just as you were getting into it. “sorry I...” he started but you cut him off “no don’t apologise” you smiled grabbing his hand “I liked that...I like you Huan”. Huan blushed and he couldn’t help smile. You grinned to see Huan finally believed you and how he was holding onto your hand a blush on his cheeks. “So that date?” you asked and Huan nodded “i’d like that a lot”. “You would?” you asked and Huan nodded “I know a great place we can go if you want to see more of Zafou, we could go this weekend if you wanted”. “That sounds amazing” you grinned and Huan blushed “great”. You smiled and just stared at each other before both going red. I should probably go" you blushed "but i’ll be back in 3 days for our date?". Huan still couldn’t believe that sentance but nodded "yes, 3 days". You blushed staring at him and Huan froze, did you expect him to kiss you again or something? He barely had enough confidence the first time he didn’t think he could do it a second time. But was he supposed to initiate something now you were leaving? As you started leaning towards him Huan panicked even more unsure what to do when you kissed him but you just hugged him. "Thank you again for the painting it’s the nicest present anyones ever given me" you told him. Huan blushed and hugged you tighter "it’s no problem". You smiled pulling away and looked at him “I have to go...my dad”. Huan nodded leading you to the door “of course, thanks for coming all this way”. “I’m glad I did” you smirked and Huan nodded “I am too”. You eyes lit up and you grinned “bye Huan” you smiled softly ghosting his hand with your own before walking away. Huan stared after you until you’d gone and then collapsed against his door frame. He couldn’t remember being this excited about a social event in years and still couldn’t belive this had just happened. He actually wouldn’t mind thanking Wei and Wing for this, they deserved it. 

---

So this is supppppper long and maybe odd considering how little screen time Huan got in Lok but idk what happened!! I got major Huan feels suddenly and started writing and this appeared and now i’m low key in love with Huan. Ow well, thats another Beifong to add to the list

[honesthammie]

From my prompt list:

4) After reaching your 16th birthday you gain the ability to see everyone's red strings of fate and on your 18th you finally get to see yours, except yours dissappears into the ground/sky.

Fandom:Doctor who

Pairing: 13 x gender neutral reader

This is my first fic on tumblr. I know its hella long and not all of my fics will be like this. This came to me from a dream I had recently. I love Jodie and I decided to write the spider episode from a different perspective. I may have change the episode slightly to fit the reader. I am thinking of doing a part 2 but it may be a while before I do as I have deadlines and stuff to keep up with. The next part may be more fluff between 13 and yourself. I know this didn't have much but it's something. I'm also sorry to any Americans reading this, I love yas but its just the personality I put to go with the readers personality. I'm also sorry for any spelling mistakes as I'm doing this on my phone.

Summary: spider episode with a small change I'm plot to accommodate your beautiful self in this fic

Warnings: slight description of a couple of panic/anxiety attacks, swearing and a bit of angst. Long intro for small fluff. And it's a part 1 do I guess a small cliffhanger is a warning?

Beep beep beep. Your alarm starts blaring in your ears, waking you up with a start. You glare at the interrupting machine before turning it off. After such a crazy night, you did not want your sleep so rudely interrupted. Why did you have a crazy night? It's your 18th birthday today and your friends decided to visit your place for a little house party, last night, to celebrate and now you have a pounding headache.

You groaned as you realised, you would need to take some pain meds before you even think about going back to sleep. Slipping out of your bed, you walk to the bathroom and find the cupboard with all sorts of medicinal and bathroom bits and bobs. You then grab the glass that you placed there in preparation for the definite hangover. The glass was a little cold to the touch but you filled it with some cool water from the sinks tap.

You took two, just so you could have a longer sleep. You waddle back into your bedroom and just as you get comfy, you widen your eyes at the memory. You needed to see your mother today, she said she had a gift for you but she would only be at home until 11. You looked at the machine that you hated for the time. It was currently 10:05. You jumped to your feet and rush to get ready.

As you walked outside, you saw the regular red strings that you saw everyday. Why do you see strings? You honestly didn't know, but you knew their purpose, it helped match 2 soulmates together. But something seemed a little off, there was no one on the street anymore, so why could you still see one line of destiny? You decided to follow the string south, down to your own (s/c) hand which was now slightly shaking at the sight.

"Fuck. Fuck,fucky fucking fuck. Why now? Why me? What the shit is going on with me?" You curse to yourself. You could feel your breath getting rapid and your head started spinning slightly. You quickly unlocked your car and sat down to help calm you down. You took a few deep breaths and focused on your senses.

When you eventually calmed down, you decided to look at where the string led. Oh, how you shouldn't have looked. It didn't go in any way of a compass, it went straight up and past the clouds. How? You had so many questions but you had to focus on the day ahead.

You had been to your mothers house and collected your new (fave game series) and your card. You were incredibly thankful as you have been saving up to buy it for yourself one day. You had played the previous games and loved every one of them and to say you were excited was an understatement. You almost ran back into your place if it wasn't for needing the key to access the gates.

Living in a gated community helped you feel a lot safer but it did also make you a big target for thieves to practise picking locks. No one had figured out where the hidden camera that kept alerting the authorities was though. Even you have tried put of plain curiosity but you got stumped after the 10th day of searching. You were sure you looked in every possible hiding spot, yet the camera always seemed to evade you in the pointless game of hide and seek.

As you unlocked the gate, you felt a twitch on your finger. The string was moving down and at a very fast pace, almost falling speed. You looked up and saw a small black dot heading towards the ground, if thats your soulmate, they would certainly be dead the second they meet their fate. When you could no longer see the dot, you kept your eyes glued to the string, waiting for it to disappear like everyone else's did when a soulmate died.

After five minutes, the string was still there and was still as red as ever, like no harm had come to them. But thats not possible. No creature could survive that especially from that great a height! You were beyond curious and quickly went into your living room and searched on all your social media for anyone else that may have spotted the dot in the sky, yet no one had but you knew (b/f) had another massive fight with their roommate, Stella, over whose turn it was to do the dishes again.

If you didn't know that Stella was in a relationship with another, you would have sworn those two were in a relationship. You giggled at the silly thought, "if Stella ever goes through a break up with her, I'm totally gonna set those two up."

You give up on finding anything out today, maybe it'll be on the news tomorrow and you set off to go on an online shopping spree, you had a few codes and now, thanks to your wonderful mother, had a little cash to spare and you did see that gorgeous top on sale. Once you had spent the day either shopping or gaming you decided to head to bed but you couldn't stop thinking about that dot and what the red string meant for you.

When your alarm had went off, you hit it and got dressed for your new job at some hot shot posh hotel run by an aspiring American with High expectations and little experience with Sheffield. You had been told you wouldn't get to meet him much and you were beyond fine with that, you hated Americans, simply because you hated violence and guns were the big no on your weaponry list of avoidance. You didn't mind weapons in video games, those were harmless to the outside world. You didn't mind verbal violence though, it was all you had to defend yourself with and in Sheffield, that was better than nothing. You were very short tempered when it came to your anger but you found that it was either verbal or physical, you chose to be verbal.

You looked at your phone for any messages from (b/f) and had a good luck message. You replied with a smiley face and a "ill need all the luck I can get. I've heard from a few employees that he can be a real asshole for no reason and fires people just because they made eye contact for too long. It's like he suspects someone is out for his blood."

After 2 minutes you received a reply from from them. "You better be on your best behaviour then, young lady!"

"That's the problem. I wonder what the record is for the quickest a person has got fired? Because I may break that, you know me! I don't exactly do as I'm told, that's why finding a job has been so hard. Anyway, I best get ready, gotta look the part! First impressions and all!" You replied with a nervous face. What you failed to notice was the red string no longer pointing towards the sky and you were making it shorter with every step you took. You did give up on finding out about the strange dot and came to the assumption that it fell in a lake, there were plenty of them around.

You walked into the swanky looking hotel and noticed the cobwebs that definitely were not there two days ago when you had your interview, yet they looked like they had been there for weeks. You would have put it down to Halloween decorations if it wasn't for the fact that it was June. You decided to not ask in case this was some sort of strange new American trend that your boss was following to help bring in the youth. It does help make it fit into Sheffield a lot more with the run down and abandoned look. It would need some rust, water damage, mold and cracks to finish the look but it was a start. If you had to be honest, the spider webs helped bring the place together. It was way too posh for Sheffield but you had to lie and say you love it in order to get hired. Just from that lie alone you knew exactly the personality of your boss, arrogant, vain and ignorant.

"Hello, you must be my new helper! I'm Najia, your second in command here. As you can see, there are loads of spider webs so they should be priority. If you could start cleaning in the south west second floor and continue that floor, that would be amazing. Now here's your cleaning trolley and if you happen to finish the floor early, send me a little message through the walkie talkie and I'll give you another room or floor. Do you have any questions?" Najia spoke softly. She seemed lovely and it was shame that she had to be in a place that would get more damage than its worth.

"Just one question: why so many spider webs?"

"I don't know, they just seemed to have appeared, I thought it was silly string from some teenagers that managed to break in somehow but it is actual spider web. It wasn't here when I left last night. I guess I'll have to ask someone about that."

And with that you separated and got to your floor when you finally noticed a slight burning sensation on your finger, it wasn't hurtful. It was like putting the finger in a really hot bath. You looked down and noticed it now pointed downhill and seemed to be glowing a shade of gold ever so gently that you would miss it if the weird sensation didn't make you look.

You left your trolley outside a toilet to make it seem like you were in there when really you had wondered off to follow the string. You would probably lose yourself in the maze of hallways that all looked the same as the last if the string didn't help lead you to a ballroom. You opened the door and instantly screamed. A giant spider was walking towards you, however you couldn't get out, you had used a staff door which needed a key card to use from this side as the other side still needed to be fitted and you left yours in the trolley, near the toilets. And the massive spider seemed to be blocking the other way out so you were trapped.

You weren't scared of spiders but seeing them at the size of a van did intimidate you. You started shaking from fear of what it would do to you. Out of pure instinct, you put your hand out to protect yourself and the sound of 8 legs against wooden flooring had ceased. The only sound was your laboured breathing. It stayed like this for what seemed like hours but in actuality was only 5 minutes. You opened your eyes slowly to see 8 more stare right back. 8 eyes that showed fear but no intention of harm. Instead the spider gave you space to breathe by walking back a few feet. Then it seemed to be watching you, studying your next move to see if you were a threat and whether or not it should kill you.

You stayed still for a moment, wrapping your head around what had just happened before gently walking towards the creature with both hands forward to show them clean of weapons. You decided to try and speak to the spider to see if it can understand you.

"Hello. I'm new around here, I'm sorry if I'm trespassing on your area, I wasn't aware of you being here to be honest. I mean you no harm, if anything, I want to help you but unfortunately, I'm stuck in here aswell." You spoke carefully as if it was a child that was afraid. You gently put your hand in its head and it seemed to understand your good intentions and your situation as it let you pet it. Now you were close, you started to admire it and realised it wasn't poisonous or venomous, it was just a regular house spider. But you couldn't figure out how or why it got this big but it did explain the cobwebs everywhere.

You had been with the spider for hours and it seemed like Najia either didn't care or has gotten fired as she hasn't asked about you. You had spent the time talking or singing to the spider. She, as you found out after looking it up, seemed to put her body around you to protect you. You had even met a couple of her children as they gave you food from the cafeteria to nibble on when your stomach growled.

Eventually the burning on your fingers turned up massively and was causing you pain. The spider seemed to sense this and wrapped her web around your finger to help cool it down a little. It didn't help but you showed gratitude anyway as she was only trying to help in anyway she could. You gave her a small smile and her eyes seemed to show sympathy in return.

Then the doors opened again and the sound of several feet walked in. "Oh thank god. I thought I was never going to be found in here." You thought to yourself as you heard the voices mumble to each other and probably about Betty and what's the best way to get rid of her. You would have paid more attention if your finger didn't feel like it had caught fire and was tight as if your soulmate was amongst those that had walked in.

Now you were nervous. How would you introduce yourself? What did they look like? Were they male or female, not that you really cared? So many questions made you feel lightheaded so you grabbed onto Betty to keep yourself planted.

Then the door opened again and a familiar voice echoed in the hall and you knew exactly how he'd want to deal with Betty and after your bond today, you would rather die than her. She was obviously innocent here and maybe the others could see it. Then you heard the familiar click of a gun safety being taken off and your body reacted before your mind did and you jumped in front of her to stop him, although you had a feeling it wouldn't, but it was worth a shot for the others to stop him.

"Don't you fucking dare shoot that gun Dickhead! Not without going through me!" You spoke with fire in your eyes and maybe a slight mix if fear aswell. That's when you looked over at the new group of people. They all seemed trustworthy enough.

There was Najia, who welcomed you here earlier and she looked sad, so she had definitely been fired. Then there was another woman who looked a lot like her, you guessed she was a daughter or something and she was pretty and definitely somone with authority with the way she stood and held herself, maybe she is a police officer? A man who looked as though he was in his 50s and definitely did not belong in this weird group. A young man who looked of a similar age to the police woman, maybe they are friends.

Then you laid your eyes on one of the most beautiful woman, no, human, you had ever seen and would probably never see again. She had short blonde hair in a bob. They seemed to be brunette at the root. She had beautiful chocolate honey eyes that glimmers with so much emotion and age well beyond her years, like she had experienced thousands of years before this moment. You also noticed her odd sense of style but you admired her boldness and it did look amazing on her. You decided she could only be described as sunshine and rainbows.

Then you noticed her hand And a familiar red string that was also glowing a beautiful subtle gold. Like millions of tiny golden stars circled around the string in a beautiful dance of love. Your eyes started to follow the string down and back to your own. She was your soulmate. That goddess that stood before you, was to be yours forever some day.

Then you looked into her hypnotic eyes before you remembered where you were and what situation you were in. And you realised everyone was staring at you for your previous action towards a spider.

"If you want to keep your job, I'd suggest you move out of the way silly girl!" Your boss grumbled in a threatening tone.

"Nope. You are about to hurt an innocent creature that is stuck and terrified. You built on top of landfill and didn't bother to check and thought of no consequences. This is your fault. Is this how you would treat a child that was a mistake after a one night stand or something? Would you shoot a child that had no choice?" You spoke with confidence yet more nerves now she was there listening to every word. When he didn't answer you shouted "Answer me! Would you shoot your mistake of a child?"

He glared at you. "This is different. This is an animal. A pest. It needs to be killed so more can't be born! I made my mistake and now I'm fixing it!" He bellowed just seconds before a shot was made from his gun. You had expected pain but instead you heard a horrible shriek from behind you.

You quickly turned around and petted her whilst whispering sweet words as she took her last breath. You stood up and made your way over to the murderer. You couldn't stand him and you were so tempted to take his gun and shoot him with it, but you didn't. With fire in your eyes and pure hatred, you slapped him hard enough to leave a mark and maybe a bruise as a reminder of his shitty choices. "You can't fire me because I fucking quit you arrogant dick! She had caused no harm to you or I and I'm sure if you would have sorted it sooner, so many more lives could have been saved as she only had humans because flies didn't fill her anymore! She was so kind and just so afraid. I hope you lose everything you pathetic sad sack of boiled shit! You are truest one of the lowest excuses for a human I have ever met and if we meet again please be very afraid, because next time, it won't just be a slap you have to worry about! It'll be your balls as I cut them off beacuse men like you shouldn't repopulate the planet! You horrid scum! I hope your empire fucking collapses!" You spoke with venom lacing every word. You were seething and boy did his face look punchable. Instead you walked away with your middle finger proudly being the last thing he sees as you walk out the normal doors.

Once you were outside, you sat in the steps and finally let out all the emotions. You cried so hard, over your loss of yet another job and a newly found friend. You screamed at him with a string of curses that would offend just about anybody. You suddenly felt somone sit at the side of you. You knew who it was when the string was burning more than ever before and yet you couldn't feel it over the pain your heart.

"You did brilliant back there. You chose, not just your job, but your life over a creature you barely even knew! If you wouldn't have jumped in when you did, I don't think her children would've had a chance to escape to my TARDIS because he's going on a hunt right now for the rest of them. Sure, you didn't save her but you saved so many more lives than you think. And I know each one is eternally grateful for what you did. I know I would be." Her words were certain and sympathetic. They seemed to calm you down instantly. Or maybe is was the way she talked that helped with her soft but strong voice and you knew you already couldn't get enough like it was the best drug ever. You could listen to her all day and yet, she had said very little to you. It was a strange effect but you liked it.

She fell into a silence for a while just keeping you company as you came to terms with had happened.

[roccinan]

1/? simply because you have the most galaxy brain thoughts ever,,, what do you think would've happened if they waited until s5 to reveal sergio and andrés were (half)brothers?

i do know that when my fam started watching lcdp at first i was so put off. like i watched ep 1 and the prof creeped me out. ""berlin"" creeped me out. e v e r y o n e creeped me out. and i was cringing so hard becz of the short lived romance angle with alison parker. i literally did not watch s1 at all xcept for like sneak peeks. highlights being the scene where berlin discovers monica is alive and does his dramatic door by door thing? that was so SUSPENSEFUL even tho i had no idea what was going on. DOMINGO DE RESURECCION remains forever iconic.

2/? And OF COURSE the group bella ciao dance when they hit earth (hahah i thought the banda were actually like a "found family where they all love each other LOL") i am a SUCKER for found family. but anyhoo when i properly got intrigued was s2 when tokyo was kicked out (the music from that scene is still my favourite) it's just so dramatic..!! why am i telling u all this again? right, i haven't slept a wink and it's nearly 7 am pls forgive me if these rambles make no sense. i have a point with this.. i'm going somewhere

RIGHT. so when the fam actually rewound the ep cz i wanted to know WHY berlin did that (didn't fully realise how batsht crazy he can be), the russian roulette scene played. and pedro's acting. MAN. and like just that ep they made a point of showing us these flashbacks where sergio and andrés hug....

Hi anon! Thanks for stopping by- sorry took me a while to get back to you, will do my best to answer this string of messages (got all 4 parts)! Glad you like my thoughts XD

Firstly, I believe Andres/Sergio would be the biggest LCDP ship if the writers were evil enough to wait until s5 to reveal that they’re brothers asdfasdf. They’re already the two most popular male characters anyway. 

It’d be especially crazy because it’s not like they tell the actors these things beforehand either. So that means there’d probably be a Serdres vs Berlermo vs Serquel fight every 5 minutes. I mean, even if not everyone agrees on everything in the lcdp fandom, it’s the most “peaceful” one I’ve ever been in because no character really gets in the way of any other ship (like even with helermo and berlermo there’s no true conflict since Andres is dead). But with Serdres in the mix?? CATASTROPHE. Everyone out here writing essays about how much of a bastard/bitch/homewrecker/motherfucker that Andres or Sergio or Martin or Raquel is. Never a moment’s peace!! so basically, a regular fandom lmao.

Then when we find out they’re brothers, it goes from catastrophe to Apocalypse. Suddenly serquel and berlermo have the upper hand. Everyone would double down and harass the crew/cast into whatever’s going on.  Plot-wise, everything is the same though, just without Andres calling Sergio “hermanito.” Fandom however, would be a minefield! And I’m glad that’s not the case because I’d probably be an unfortunate serdres shippers XD No joke, my mother and I thought they were a couple in S1. So bullet dodged!

Secondly: haha, everyone creeped me out in S1 too, especially Berlin, I hated him, but thinking back, I think I mostly hated the fact that I didn’t hate him as much as I should have. I’ve made peace with it now but oh boy, was he a controversial figure in my head. I actually like the professor on sight though! IDK why, maybe because I thought his plans were cool or because of Alvaro’s delivery. I was afraid of an Alison Parker romance thing too- like, I do feel like she had a storyline that got dropped, but that part was quite cringey and overall unnecessary to the plot. Same with Ariadna, which was even cringier and even Less necessary to the plot. 

Domingo de resurrecion was iconic though yes! And even with all that said, I genuinely enjoyed parts 1 and 2 because it was so different from anything else I’d seen. Not content wise, but maybe tonally? IDK, they were just really bold with a lot of things, like being objectively unafraid of having the protagonists (plural because all of them did LMAO) do objectively shitty things. Really kept me in suspense from beginning to end! 

I’m usually a big fan of found families too! The funny thing is, then banda never struck me as a “family” until season 3. In 1 and 2, I was wondering what felt different about this show; then it hit me that these people remained colleagues to the end. Like, they backstabbed each other (repeatedly) and everyone was quite selfish, and only the bonds that were already there stuck. They were the opposite of a found family LOL But I think by S3, they went down the found family route and I didn’t mind because it makes quite a lot of sense for them to feel that bond after the Mint heist and almost dying/living together (and having witnessed 3 deaths together on the team). But I still doubt Berlin and Palermo were ever really part of this found family, with good reason XD

LOL the scene where Tokyo got kicked out is also among my favorites!! It was so funny and dramatic, and it was like, wow we can go anywhere with this now! Don’t worry- your rambles and thoughts are always welcome :D

I’m rolling over how you watched the Tokyo expulsion scene before the Russian Roulette scene haha. Also yes, PEDRO. Berlin may have been “controversial” to me at first, but I became Pedro’s fan from day one! Also the Hug is probably what made me like Berlin (despite my determination to hate him rip) in the first place. 

3/? ... and like now that i think about it... tokyo had real guts huh. like she KNEW berlin was close enough to el prof to know his name (fhshshs imagine if she'd heard andrés saying 'hermanito' it's unrealistic that she didn't TBH. i mean obviously they decided to make them brothers only towards the end but like in canon universe. how tf did andrés de 'i raised my bby brother since he was 12 and i'd actually die for him and his stupidly brilliant plans' fonollosa go 5 months without slipping up once and calling sergio hermanito. or like,,, i like to imagine sergio kinda gave him lots of leeway(?) sergio's a lil oblivious too but like i'm sure half of it is.. that's my dumbass older bro shut up i'm not being partial you all have city names .. andr-berlin, pass the salt. like OOF. + sergio also knew his big bro was dYiNG so like. i'm sure they were sneaking in some quality time (i hope they did 😭 gosh imagine if sergio really did not ever consider the possibility of andrés dying in the heist so he'd tell himself he needs to perfect the plan now & anyway he'll have enough time to spend w/ his brother post heist in philippines. and then ... that happened :/

Tokyo has guts in place of braincells you bet that she’d do something like this, consequences be damned XD I also think it’s unrealistic for Andres not to slip up, but I have a feeling nobody besides Tokyo really tried to spy on them in private. I headcanon that Andres instead slips up and does things like ruffle Sergio’s hair or adjust his tie when other people are around. I also think Tokyo was convinced that they were a gay couple when she saw them hug XD And if Sergio never went on to tell the banda that Berlin was his brother, everyone would be giving Palermo such awkward looks after Nairobi accused him of being in love with Berlin LMAO. 

I agree! I also imagine Sergio giving Andres leeway because he’s just so used to interacting with his brother that way haha. So either he’d go out of his way to ignore Berlin in front of everyone else or IDK, borderline telepathically communicate with him. Not even “pass the salt” has to leave his mouth- Berlin just puts salt into his food and cuts it up for him, in front of everyone who’s just staring like O.O

I actually do think Sergio never considered the possibility of Andres dying in the heist because he was just that confident in his own plan. Plus, Andres was probably the one person he expected to survive. And a lot of it has to do with Sergio’s attachment to him + Andres’ own habit of downplaying any illness/injury over the years, which I think is safe to believe canon. He was really in no condition to be in the heist, let alone lead it. Just the fact that he needs to take those injections is a big sign that he shouldn’t be there, but Sergio didn’t catch it because he’s human and blinded by faith :’) So yeah, I think Sergio was planning to spend proper time with Andres in Palawan and at Toledo, they just settled for those little moments by the fireplace. 

4/? what always also just GETS me in the feels is that el prof was shown to be this in control creepily calm dude who is miles ahead of everyone. + in the 1st Toledo class itself we see how detached,, like how impersonal he is, how professional - choosing frickin CITY NAMES?! no 'personal relationships' ? (after recruiting his older brother, a father son pair, and war cousins... oh sergio 😂 he's such a frickin nerd and i love him) but like the earlier seasons really emphasised how robotic and down right COLD he can be. it still sometimes bothers me that he put the button in the car. he lead the police to his own damn brother, his blood, who took care of him and adopted him and was terminally ill and like - UGH i try to rationalise that sergio is that cold and unbothered. or that he has strict morals. but it still bothers me becz that button really sort of tipped andres' already unstable sanity. like andrés tells denver someth like you've robbed my future and after that he just seems so much more suicidal and accepting that he can't get out of the mint alive - WHY SERGIO WHY. I KNOW THAT AT THAT POINT YOU BASICALLY DIDN'T KNOW ANDRÉS WAS GOING TO BE YOUR BROTHER YET BECZ IT WASN'T WRITTEN IN THE SCRIPT BUT WHYYYYY

That’s so funny to me too LMAO No personal relationships, then he recruits these guys. Sergio, hello?? Also can’t forget how he just recruited his own girfrleind in the second heist too. Buddy! Love this nerd.

I don’t think that cold aspect of Sergio went away in later seasons either; he just had more opportunity to show a more open side of himself + without Andres, he had to metaphorically leave his comfort zone without a safety net. But in earlier seasons, he really did seem heartless at times XD Then again, we can argue that the same goes for Andres.

To be fair, I didn’t feel sorry for Andres over the button thing lol, but once the brothers reveal happened and all of Alvaro/Pedro’s headcanons came out and we know everything Andres did for Sergio, it makes what Sergio did REALLY harsh. We really just have to explain it through Sergio’s strict morals and him believing this to be the best non-fatal punishment for Andres, who at that point had convinced him he killed a hostage. And because he knew the television interview was coming up, maybe Sergio assumed Andres would use it to “clear” his name anyway. And empathy isn’t one of Sergio’s strong suits either, so through that lens, I can rationalize it.

Also it was lowkey funny to me how Andres was there like DENVER MUST DIE until he found out Sergio put the button there, then he was like “oh hermanito, you and your practical jokes <3″

Still, like you said, Andres and Sergio weren’t brothers yet at this point. They were probably supposed to be lovers lmao and had a dysfunctional Hannibal Lecter x Will thing going on. But because they made #hermanos canon, that button moment just feels very out of place now, especially given how much the two genuinely love each other.

Guess we could also say that Sergio’s just generally kinda bratty with Andres XD Like, he knows no matter what, Andres would forgive him anything. That’s how I see it anyway! 

[dirtyfilthy]

The True Story Of Maxwell’s Silver Hammer: on the limits of transparency, or why you should stop feeding your quarters into the dopamine slot machine

Gather round children, and I will tell you a tale. This story is a hundred percent true. It occurred sometime in my late twenties, which would have been in 2008 or thereabouts. I had just taken the biggest acid trip of my life, eight tabs, but of fairly weak acid, I’m guessing around 400 micrograms total or close enough. Still, it gave me exactly the experience I was looking for. We went to the beach, and as a good friend of mine used to say: “got gay with nature”. Everything had been building to this point. First we took one tab. Some weeks later: we doubled down and took two.. After another month had passed, we gobbled up a four strip. Eight tabs only seemed logical at this stage. And man…

It was exactly how you imagine acid is going to be when you’re a kid. Everything was beautiful and melting  and there were colours I don’t even have the words for.  The trees were full of fractals, the ground was a river flowing beneath my feet. The sky was bright green. The sand dunes: a brilliant purple. It was like that cheesy chroma-keying effect they used to use to represent drugs in old movies from the 60’s. I even nearly went blind staring at the sunset like some hokey old LSD urban legend. Getting gay with nature?  This was a little more than merely getting high with one of your straight friends and perhaps sucking each others cocks and then never, ever mentioning it again, this was…  I wanted to settle down with nature and build a whole new life together, I wanted to get married, buy a house, maybe even adopt a couple of children. Don’t laugh, this isn’t fucking funny. We were in love!

Anyhow, acid, drugs, beautiful uplifting experience yada-yada. The thing is, on acid you tend to get these… ideas. Crazy, completely off-the-wall, gorgeously bent ideas. And I had just had a real doozy of an acid thought.  “Why lie? Why don’t I just be exactly who I am all the time? Why not be completely and utterly transparent with everyone?”. Now this is hardly some kind of grand cosmic revelation. I think that in most individuals this would have cumulated in a simple but genuine effort to be more honest with the people around them, or maybe simply faded with the trip, but in me…

So let me preface this with a couple of things about me that will make the following point make more sense: 1) I tend to take ideas and run with them, generally off a cliff 2) I am very good with computers. To the point where I am a professional hacker these days (as in I break into systems for a living), but back then I was only a hopeful amateur. 

So in me, the way this idea came out was I decided I was going to publish my entire browser history, online, in real time. Every site I visited would be available for the whole world to see, should they wish to, seconds after I had clicked the link. I won’t bore you with the technical details, they really  aren’t that complicated -- and neither are they honestly that interesting -- but suffice to say I built the thing. I named it on a whim after a Beatles song I happened to be listening to at the time: “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”. And then it was done. Every link I visited was put in a database and displayed on a web page. It was in the form of a giant, constantly growing list, newest at the top. For general purposes of  convenience, I had colour coded everything. So all social media sites would be say, purple. Wikipedia would be blue. News was green etc. 

So one great and terrible thing about LSD is it has a way of teaching you things. This generally happens while you are tripping, or maybe afterwards when you re-integrate the experience. In this case, acid had decided Maxwell’s Silver Hammer was the to be the terrible form my teacher took. And boy howdy, it would certainly teach me some lessons 

So I told all my friends about it. And they told their friends. And then word began to spread. And so I embarked on this slightly weird experiment in radical personal transparency, bouncing down the road like a complete asshole with nary a care in the world, full of hope in the promise of the dream, but I was to very quickly to discover it’s limits… 

The first limit should have been the most obvious one. Porn. At the end of a hard days labour avoiding working, I liked nothing more than masturbating for a solid three or four hours over the choicest and rarest sweet-meats the internet had to offer, before eventually collapsing on my bed from sheer sexual exhaustion. The thing is… porn is a very personal thing. I mean: what really spins your wheels, what you get off to. At the time, I wasn’t ready to admit to my friends that I still really liked women ok but sometimes when the mood struck me I liked to watch some massively hung black dude plow a white guy around half his size while fantasying that it was really m… Anyhow, porn is a deeply personal thing and can show quite a lot about someone. Besides, what if my Mum was watching… or my female friends? Sweet jesus. 

Well, if I was going to be consistent, I could either “rock out with my cock out” as we used to say back in primary school, or I could stop watching porn altogether. And that was the first lesson. Perfect transparency means constantly worrying about how you look because everyone can see everything. It means censoring, not just what you say, but who you are. it wasn’t just about porn of course. Maybe I should browse some wikipedia so I can look a bit more intelligent? What would the chick I had a crush on think if she knew I kept on visiting these horrible gore sites day after day? And so on and so forth, forever.  

I had thought it would be liberating, to be free of all secrets. In fact, it was the exact opposite. I wasn’t living a radically transparent life, instead I was an actor, just playing at performing one. 

The second revelation came in the form of the colour coding. I could see myself reflected in a sea of purple. It was obvious I had become obsessed with social media, particularly facebook. Constantly refreshing my homepage, hoping for that next sweet lick of dopamine, another little like on my post, a little sliver of ice from the great icicle of validation that would only ever melt away in the heat of the morning sun. I used to be a meth addict, and it’s exactly the same, that is: it’s never enough. You’re a fiend for it. It had revealed something deeply narcissistic and petty about myself that I really did not like. Why was I doing this? What did it matter? Did I really have three hundred “friends”? Of course not. I had the usual amount of people I cared enough about in my life to see on a semi-regular basis, a few close, ten or so I saw fairly often, maybe thirty total counting colleagues and co-workers and assorted demi-friends and vague acquaintances. The whole thing was fucking ridiculous. 

The third lesson came only after both of these things had been grating at me for quite a while. After this synthesis, suddenly, I became enlightened. There was a lot more freedom to be had by not being famous or observed. Privacy wasn’t just a haven for the liars and the hypocrites. In fact, privacy enabled you to be most truly yourself. Sure, be honest where it matters, but you don’t need to put your every card down on the table all at once. Seems like a basic enough thing to realise, but I really had to get slapped upside the head pretty hard to see it. There is a power in being invisible.

So I took down the site. Deleted my facebook. Watched all the “black tops white“ gay porn my little bisexual heart desired and, ironically, stopped caring so much what other people thought about me. Don’t get me wrong, I still get that little rush of validation when someone I respect likes my shit, but you gotta pick the individuals who’s opinion you’re gonna care about. The vast majority of most people are either dumb as fuck or completely antithetical to my values. Which isn’t to say I exactly begrudge them, but I’d still much rather avoid getting myself in a public fist fight, metaphorical or otherwise, unless I really really need to. I think in most cases, power doesn’t need to be confronted, it can simply be routed around. You don’t go and deliberately blow your weed smoke right up a cop’s nose, instead, just go get high in the disabled toilets like everybody else. I mean: it’s what they’re there for!

I guess that is the real moral of the story.

[deweysdenouement]

close encounters of the sibling kind

written for the following prompt on @asoue-network: 5 times Jacques and Kit narrowly avoided each other in the city streets, and the one time they ran into each other.

also on ao3

1. The first time Kit sees Jacques since the last proper meaningful conversation they had, it’s barely a notable encounter. He’s walking in the streets, sharply dressed in a suit that is both impressive and hopelessly out of place in a dingy part of town. She looks more suited to her surroundings in an old shirt and trousers she’s had to bring in at the hem, cardigan loosely hanging over her shoulders. She’s always been a better chameleon than him, even if he is the perfect spy. She can’t see his face. He’s just narrowly avoided her, and all she sees is the flick of his suit jacket and his foot (light step, pointed inwards a little, he had never got that looked at), disappearing around a corner. It’s a flash of a person that no one but a twin could have identified in the short time they occupied the same space, but she knows him like she knows herself. She doesn’t follow him because she is busy, because he is probably busy too. Because there is a grease stain on her cardigan and she wants him to think she has her life together. Because of the schism, because of fights from years ago, because of rules she can’t remember but follows anyway. She lets him go and holds onto the moment like a charm. 2. The second time, Kit sees his face. He is in a coffee shop, sitting at a bench by the window (they always sat at the window when they were together, opposite each other with legs too long for their bodies squashed against each other and Lemony hooked under one of their shoulders) and he’s frowning over a notebook. He’s grown into his body now, like she has, but his expression of anxiety hasn’t changed. He still chews on his lip, furrows his brow. She does the same. It’s comforting to carry that with her. When he looks up, probably seeing that the shadow hasn’t passed the window like all the others, that the light hasn’t flooded back onto his paper, she turns away, pretends to be watching the roads for a taxi. Her hair dyed and sunglasses on, it’s doubtful he’ll make the connection. Then again, she always has. She doesn’t look back, so she can’t be sure if he looks up before she steps away. 3. The third time, she doesn’t actually see him. She’s in a seedy cafe, bothering some poor hapless waiter for information about a recent customer, when she hears his laughter in the kitchen. Kit looks up, recognises the raucous laugh instantly. She wonders who he’s talking to that makes him laugh like that, because it sounds real, and she knows when he’s faking his amusement. The waiter looks at her questioningly, and she tries to turn her attention back to him, listens to her brother’s dry chuckle and words she can’t quite make out. Before she’s done, she hears the back door open, then swing shut. She’d be lying if she pretended she hadn’t wished he would come out through the front and see her, just so she could know his reaction, but he is gone and the place is dead silent. The mission comes first, so she pushes it to the back of her mind and carries on, but sometimes when she speaks, it’s his words that come out of her mouth. Twin things. 4. Kit doesn’t find out about the fourth time until a little later. At the time, the day had been unremarkable. She wasn’t working, so she had spent it with Dewey in his library because Frank told her he was lonely. Then she had stayed the night. Then the next day, only leaving a few times for meals and a breath of fresh air. “I think I probably have to leave today,” she tells Dewey in the afternoon whilst he’s swinging around on a high shelf and she’s sitting with her back against it eating strawberries. “I fear I left some food on my table before I visited you, and I don’t like to think of the state it’s in now.” “Oh,” Dewey says, frowning, and she hopes he isn’t too disappointed. “I thought you might have sent J back there.” “What?” Kit frowns, tips her head back to look at him. “I haven’t seen my brother in years, Dewey, what are you talking about?” “You haven’t-” Dewey’s frown deepens, and then he groans. “Kit, he was here yesterday!” “He was what?” “He stayed last night, his name is in the books,” Dewey says, looking despairing. “He had something to attend to nearby. We thought-” “You thought what?” Kit asks, then realises. “That’s why Frank invited me here, isn’t it?” “What else would he have said?” Dewey blinks. Kit waves him off. “I thought you were seeing him when you went upstairs,” Dewey says miserably. “Stupid cryptic VFD shit.” He sounds angry. Kit hasn’t heard him sound like that before. “It’s fine, Dew,” she says gently. “I can’t see him anyway. The schism is...bad.” “I live with Ernest,” he shoots back. “I know what the schism is like. He’s your brother!” “It’s not that simple.” “Yes it is,” Dewey says bluntly, then drops his files onto the floor next to her. She doesn’t know what to say to that, so she just leaves, and can’t help but search for his car outside, even though she knows he’s long gone. 5. The fifth time, she nearly runs him over. She’s driving like she always does, which is to say, like she has nothing left to live for, and he is crossing the street nowhere near a crossing and not looking for oncoming traffic, which is also what he always does. Neither of them will break a habit. Kit swerves away and screeches to a halt before she actually realises it’s him. Thankfully, she recognises her brother right before rolling her window down to yell either an apology or expletives, she hasn’t decided. She’s not a perfect person, admittedly. He doesn’t recognise her past her tinted windows, although he might recognise the car and the dents in it. She doesn’t wait to find out, just screeches away and watches him hurry across the street in her rearview mirror, and thinks that objects in the rearview mirror are closer than they appear, whatever that means here. 1. Fate intervenes the sixth time they’re in each other’s orbit. Kit walks into a bar (and this sounds like the start of a joke, but it isn’t) and scans the room for an empty seat. She’s not here for a cheap hookup or a crazy night, just wants one drink to take the edge off, put the fuzzy borders back on the world instead of the sharp edges she could cut herself on. There is exactly one seat left at the bar and of course, it is next to her brother. She considers going straight home, but the empty silence of her apartment seems horrifically unappealing right now, and here she can at least be around other people for a bit, bathe in their smiles and laughter, even if they’re not directed at her. She takes her seat. “Are we going to keep pretending not to know each other?” Kit asks, not turning to face him. “That seems as much your decision as mine,” Jacques says drily, then turns to her. “Hello, dear sister.” “I keep seeing you,” she blurts out. “Just in the street. And we were in the hotel at the same time.” “Well,” he says. “That explains some things.” “I suppose,” she says, and Jacques orders her a drink whilst she stares at her hands. “You look tired,” he tells her. “I am tired.” She’s not a good liar around him. “It’s good work,” he says. “Worth it.” “I haven’t seen you in years. Properly, I mean.” “You’re seeing me now.” “Yep,” she says, rapping her fingers on the glass. “I’m sure we’ll face the consequences. Someone will be watching.” “Someone’s always watching,” Jacques sighs, and the bartender gives them a peculiar look. “Do you remember waiting for the bus?” Kit asks, holding onto the hazy memory as she speaks. “When we were little?” “I remember,” Jacques says, smiling faintly. “You had very little patience for waiting.” “I haven’t changed,” she says, and he laughs. “I wouldn’t expect you to.” “Lemony could have stood there for hours,” she remembers, thinking of how small he was and how he’d stand in his brother’s shadow and peer out for the bus with big, dark eyes. “He wasn’t like us, was he?” Jacques sighs. “I miss him,” she admits, like it’s not obvious, and drains her glass. “Me too,” Jacques says gently. “I said only one drink,” she considers, partly to herself. “Why are you here? Waiting for someone?” “No,” Jacques says, amused. “Just stopping by. I don’t think I’d be picking anyone up at the bar.” “No, you’d prefer the penthouse, wouldn’t you?” Kit says, and they both laugh. “I have to go home.” “Need a lift?” Jacques asks. “I’m not drunk.” “I’m catching the bus actually,” she tells him. “Though they take forever around here.” “I’ll wait with you,” he says easily, and she likes the idea of not standing alone at the bus stop with a cigarette. This will not become a regular occurrence, but for one more day, she waits for the bus with her brother.

[luckycheesefoodie321]

Prince of Tennis (2019) meme

I was tagged by @hardworkingprocrastinator aka @rupru-russiaxprussia whom I do believe I ranted with about the Imperial Pair ship, and the unexpected potential of Si Yang x Qi Ying… so thanking you kindly for another excuse to rave about ChinaPuri… sooo uhhh time for some fun times!!

Tagging: I have 0 idea who to tag because we a smaller fandom

Warning: I have not watched or read the original manga/anime soooooo I’m in an even smaller subset of the fandom babeyyyy!!! It has also been a couple months since I watched the show, so there is a strong chance I’ll have forgotten names and situations, and just general thoughts I have... BUT WHATEVER time to rant to the thirteen people who’ve watched ChinaPuri!!!

Questions:

1. Favorite character(s)? 2. Favorite school team(s)? 3. Favorite coach(es)? 4. Favorite supporting cast member(s)? (characters who aren’t regulars, aren’t on tennis teams etc.) 5. Favorite original character(s) in the adaptation? 6. Who do you think enacted their role best? 7. Favorite singles match? 8. Favorite doubles match? 9. Favorite story arc? 10. Most amusing tenipuri scene(s)/moment(s)/running joke(s)? 11. What did you like most about the adaptation? 12. What do you think the adaptation could have improved on? 13. Any other thoughts you want to share?

Answers: THIS ISH GETS LONGGGGG SO CUT OFF NOW

1. Favorite character(s)?

MU SI YANG BABEYYYYY!!! I already love a stoic glasses boi, but Mu Si Yang (again not TeniPuri Tezuka, just ChinaPuri Si Yang) may be one of my favourite takes on the stoic glasses boi… like I don’t often enjoy live action versions of anime, especially because the acting is never the best (and granted this one too, had some okay performances) but the guy who plays Mu Si Yang melted my heart… he was the stony-faced serious captain, who could deliver a subtle joke that left you snickering… but he was also the determined, earnest, crazy talented leader with his own hidden struggles who just wanted to take his team and friends as far as they go into competition… which is an essential part of any good sports drama… and he captured it so perfectly… and I love him.. he’s so beautiful too… I would fall in love with him in a heartbeat, and I don’t often say that about characters (like I love them but never in love ya dig?)

Zhou Zhi was a close favourite…basically I just love the two genius senpais…

2. Favorite school team(s)?

Oh god… Yu Feng maybe? We spend the most time with them, they have the most screen time of all the other teams…we have a whole training arc where they’re continuously winning against the struggling to evolve Yu Qing…very reminiscent of the Karasuno-Nekoma rivalry in that they help each other get better… I would’ve loved to see the rivalry/camaraderie develop even more so that when Si Yang leaves, the relief at having this network of tennis friends would’ve been that much more powerful…

Also I really enjoy Xu Ziping’s hustle… I love the story of Yu Feng…they had a shitty coach and had to make a deal to keep winning in order to even remain an official team… and when Yu Qing faced Yu Feng, I really couldn’t tell who I wanted to root for because I knew there was real weight behind every loss for Yu Feng…

After that, maybe No. 6… they’re so chill, they’re not straining for each win and just enjoying their time on the court…and the Old Coach dude was a great character to introduce...

3. Favorite coach(es)?

Maybe No. 6’s coach… I legit can’t remember his name but he oozes skill and experience without all the stress of younger coaches who bend over backwards for success… and while, again, the circumstances surrounding his appearance was a bit waffle-y in execution (which is about par for live action adaptations), I love that he serves as a sage outsider who can assess in three seconds what kind of player Lu Xia is, and what he needs to do to improve… I love me a good wise character who still knows how to inspire people in a fun way but you never, for a second, doubt that what they’re saying is legit advice, even if their mannerisms are goofy…

4. Favorite supporting cast member(s)? (characters who aren’t regulars, aren’t on tennis teams etc.)

Oh I mean…Stretcher Bros for life amirite? They were great…they were just hanging out, trying out.. Huang Jing is kinda jerk-ish, but he’s the starting antagonist who turns out to have a pure heart and a genuine love of the sport (kinda like Tsukishima Kei from Haikyuu!! or the GoMs from Kuroko no Basuke)… and Xiu Wen is such a soft boi who wants to shower in peace without girls being in the locker room…

Put these two besties together forever…and I just love how cuddly they are with each other…no hesitation to hold hands or hug…it’s gooood

5. Favorite original character(s) in the adaptation?

Um…idk who’s an original character??? Again never watched the original anime/read the manga!

SO IMMA CHANGE THIS TO FAVOURITE SHIP!

5.5. Favourite ship? (Get ready my friendsss issa long one)

Si Yang x Qi Ying my friendssss… a super unexpected pairing that came outta nowhere!!! Because the trailer clearly shows (or maybe it doesn’t and I forgot) that Lu Xia and Qi Ying are gonna be THE THING but then we get hit with the surprise senpai-kouhai/team manager ship and I’m like uhhh were you planning this or am I reading into it too much???

Like y’all they were flirting right in the beginning… that whole bit where she stands outside the change rooms and Si Yang confronts her, and she begs him to add Lu Xia to the team (even tho he already did) and he was weirdly teasing her about the roster when he had no reason to, and she was kinda bantering back with him and she fully called him out later on… i was like, umm this is a vibe

They just kept getting thrown together in weird ways…aside from Lu Xia, she’s probably had the most interactions with Si Yang of all the other team members… she’s the only one he calls Xiao~ like the boys in the tennis club have their nicknames like Dachi, Ah Mu, Ah Yan, but only Qi Ying is Xiao Ying!!  he’s not a nickname guy… and maybe if it were a girl/cheerleader thing, you’d think he’d call Peng Xiang, Xiao Xiang BUT NO… only Qi Ying gets called Xiao Ying!!!

AND ANOTHER THING: other than Lu Xia, he’s the only one concerned for Qi Yang, despite what he says, when she gets caught in the rain and gets sick… he fully visits her in her room, and receives the call about her health after they send her to the hospital… he says everyones worried BUT YO they’re straight up just bored and end up having a pillow fight…sooooo can’t be that worried…

AND ONE MORE THING: Qi Ying, I get she’s this weird mascot/team manager figure on their team (even tho she’s meant to be a cheerleader but they never invite Peng Xiang to any of their team dinners or their training camp) BUT WHEN SI YANG RETURNS HOME, THEY SEND IN QI YING TO GREET HIM and they have this whole charming convo where she teases him...and they were chatting as if they always had this banter going on but they’d only talked like 3 or 4 times on screen before then, so there’s this whole relationship she has with the tennis team (not just Lu Xia) that is implied but we don’t really see it! And when she teasingly calls him Captain Si Yang after he returns to China, he had the softest smileeee!!! HE TOTALLY DOES HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR HER!! He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t happy to see her... and then she leads him to their surprise party in the club room and he just keeps saying Xiao Ying…  like damn you keep trying to establish the Lu Xia x Qi Ying ship (and it is a decently strong ship) but Si Yang x Qi Ying is soooo good!

After this Rival Pair, and then Golden Pair - our resident married couple

(POST Here: all the gay faves they didn’t even try to hide)

(POST Here: almost confirmed ships by the end)

6. Who do you think enacted their role best?

I…I think this is obvious… NEXT

Jk… other than Si Yang, I really enjoyed the guy who plays Lu Xia - Peng Yu Chang… he played the typical “stoic, super talented/genius sports idiot” type prolific in sports anime (like Furuya from Daiya no A, Kageyama from Haikyuu!!, Midorima from KnB)… but he was never too stuck in his head, and he was never mean… too often there’ll be a moment where this type of character is played too seriously, gets stuck in their own head, and lashes out at anyone they deem getting in their way, especially when they feel they’re stuck in a rut… which Lu Xia is in, for essentially the entirety of the show, in one form or another…

But PYC played Lu Xia as this mildly cocky, but still incredibly enthusiastic young genius who is looking for the next big challenge so as to further himself, but is so obsessed with this one opponent (his dad), that he can’t see the bigger picture and realise his entire way of playing is a mirror of the very opponent he’s trying to overcome… but even at the height of his stagnation, he’s never mean to Qi Ying, who tries her best to support and encourage him… while he does distance himself from the team, it’s not an active dismissal of their assistance or support… he can play a straight faced comic when embarrassed/discombobulated (like Si Yang when faced with Yan Juice), but also always participates in most of the weird antics his team is up to… and it never feels OOC and thats clearly a result of Peng Yu Chang’s subtle acting…

ALSO PENG YU CHANG IS IN OUR SHINING DAYS, A SUPER UNDERRATED CHINESE FILM THAT HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL TO BE ADAPTED INTO LIKE, A ONE SEASON SHOW AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU WATCH IT

7. Favorite singles match?

Oh pfft… please… PLEASE IS THERE EVEN A QUESTION it was arguably the best match of the whole show, it was what we were all waiting for, a super tension filled, super hyped up match because it features my favourite character, who has simultaneously been promoted as THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEAM but also super injured and avoiding over-exertion… MU SI YANG…against his personal rival, whom had never tasted defeat before, and subsequently trained like crazy, throwing all of the money at professional players, FOR A YEAR, in order to be ready to face him… JI JING WU

That’s right baby, its the Imperial Pair Match (I do hope I’m using all these nicknames correctly..I just tried to pick them up from the anime/manga to save time writing out their names XD)…

This match is everything you ever want in a match…it’s a gritty, no-holds-barred, all-out, clash-of-titans-style face-off between probably the two most talented players in that whole (province? Prefecture? Idk China regional names) BUT YEAH THESE TWO ARE CLEARLY TOP TIER PLAYERS WHO FINALLY GO HEAD TO HEAD… it’s a year in the making, Ji Jing Wu is in peak physical condition, but Si Yang is not…and yet we see Si Yang powering through the literal agony of an arm injury that threatens complete destruction of not only his tennis career, but his general usage of that arm… and for glory and to bring his team to the national stage, Si Yang lays it all on the line… and he still gives Ji Jing Wu a run for his goddamn money… he matches him hit for hit, and at one point he was even WINNING…and had it not been for his arm, I swear up and down that he would’ve beaten Jingwu…

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART… i mean, all sports anime and just shounen anime in general have those moments where the characters are down and out and summoning the power of friendship and determination to their side to go above and beyond the physical limitations of their bodies… NO THE ACTUAL BEST PART WAS JI JINGWU’S RESPONSE TO THE WHOLE SITUATION

The goddamn respect he gave Si Yang.. this is his rival, the only person he’s ever viewed as equal and even superior to his own skills (at least as far as people the same age as him go)… Jingwu wants to beat him so bad… and he’s heard the rumours about Si Yang’s injury, and he even sees for himself how bad the injury is… but as a skilled player who recognises skill himself, he does not do Si Yang the disrespect of going easy on him… what kind of arrogant prick has that kind of nerve to give less than their best to someone who is giving them 120% effort… no, Ji Jingwu doesn’t hesitate to hit back full power, even as he’s yelling at Si Yang to stop before his arm is utterly destroyed… because the last thing any person of talent would want, is to see another person lose such an incredible gift… but even worse than that, have that person realise someone was going easy on them... it was so goddamn beautiful… and when Jingwu grips Si Yang’s hand and raises it high because he and everyone there knows who the real winner of that match is…they all know that they just witnessed something incredible, and he wants everyone in the stands to not only acknowledge it… but remember it…

And then he proceeds to fund Si Yang’s surgery, his flight, his meals, his rehabilitation, AS WELL AS take care of his team… and if that isn’t love, idk what is… like they don’t even disguise the hard core DEDICATION AND LOVE... Jingwu has obsessed over Si Yang for a year and it goddamn shows

Honourable Mention: I really enjoyed Zhou Zi versus the demon child whose eyes go red…we finally get to see Zhou Zi stretch his legs and push himself and I LOVED THAT… like he’s actually trying his best and that’s dope… also the match against the captain of the team his little brother his on… he basically led this cocky motherfucker by the nose for 5 games, pretends to be losing, and then destroys him in the following 7…

OH AND I GOTTA SHOUT OUT MY OTHER GLASSES BOI YAN ZHIMING VERSUS HIS BEST GUY FRIEND FROM YOUTH… that was a beautiful evolution of Ah Yan transcending but also evolving his data tennis against his childhood friend and it feels good ya know?

8. Favorite doubles match?

Oh pfft anything with the Rival Pair… they bicker like cat and dog, but then you put them on the court together, and suddenly their chemistry is through the roof… also Baiyang and Qiao Chen are a stronger couple than Qiao Chen and Yu Xing Zi and that’s the damn tea

(Same two posts for why that tea)

9. Favorite story arc?

Oh man… ummm training arc with Yu Feng was fun but it was definitely beaten out by the “village raises a child” arc when Si Yang leaves, so literally all their previous opponents step up to encourage, train, or otherwise intimidate Yu Qing into giving it their all, improving, and ultimately winning the finals… plus this arc gave so much depth to the network of teams who all have the same aspirations, in the end, and want to push forward the people who beat them to not let their loss be in vain…and that’s pure…

10. Most amusing tenipuri scene(s)/moment(s)/running joke(s)?

Yan Juice... especially the first time NEXT

Honourable Mentions: When Lu Xia gets stood up by Xinglong Lu Xia running interference on Qi Ying’s admirer in the final ep When Zhou Bros run into Lu Xia in the dressing rooms Stretcher Bros trying to become Painter Bros

11. What did you like most about the adaptation?

It captured the essence of a good sports anime: power of friendship, ridiculous action sequences of outrageous moves that would never be allowed in real life, determination and guts is all you need to succeed, that all-or-nothing mentality of high schoolers who suddenly have tunnel vision and no future thinking whatsoever, and decide to risk life and limb for one match… plus it kept a charming and comedic beat running throughout, really endeared you to the characters, and their struggles... AND NO ONE WAS MEAN... well I mean Ya Jiuxin was an angry bitter jerk for a hot second, but he ended up being endeared towards the lil fluffball kouhai of his, and we all know he loves Xinglong in his heart of hearts... other characters like Jingwu, or demon child, or Zhou Yu’s captain were cocky or arrogant, but they were never mean to each other, and respected each other’s game play even if they were defeated.. a couple were poor losers, but they didn’t throw a fit or try to get revenge or anything like that... everyone, in general, had some decency to them, and in fact all of Yu Qing was a super nice...sometimes too nice and self-deprecating that you wanted to smack them...

12. What do you think the adaptation could have improved on?

This is mostly just a consequence of live action adaptations of sports anime where they have to condense a whole lot of story that is already condensed from the manga into a palatable show that anyone, not necessarily pre-existing fans of the original source, can enjoy… the story around the characters seemed waffle-y and disjointed… sometimes things would happen but wouldn’t connect smoothly to the next thing that happens… there was this whole implied close relationship between Qi Ying and the team that just was never shown… I would’ve preferred they made her an official manager, so it would make sense that she’d be so close to the team, when for whatever reason, Peng Xiang wasn’t…even tho they’re both cheer captains…

The match sequences were cut down a little too much (tho I get why)… I would have loved that final training arc to be extended, to fully flesh out how discombobulated Yu Qing was when Si Yang had to leave, and how forcefully the other teams picked them up and got them better… so to develop the dynamic between the teams before this would’ve been good, but obviously they can only got the core actors of each team at a time… hence that barbecue scene… but if they’d pulled off something like the Haikyuu!! Tokyo training arc, or even something like in KnB where the teams were thrown together in wacky hijinks or impromptu match situations to develop their camaraderie (and they sorta tried to but nothing really came of the interactions), it would’ve made the final training arc THAT MUCH MORE heartwarming and I would have cried..

13. Any other thoughts you want to share?

I’ve already said enough. The end.

[culinaryarchitecture]

Nutella filled Chocolate Chip Cookies

Hey guys :) It’s been a while. School got really intense (again) and so I haven’t been able to post that much on here but I’ve tried (keyword: tried) to keep up on my Instagram account: @culinary_architecture

As school draws to a close, I’ll be able to post more content on here. So yay to lots of Christmas themed content :)

For this post, I’ve decided to make something relatively simple because I want to link it to a 'rest’ theme. If you didn’t know, I’m Christian and I feel like this week, God has really been speaking to me about ‘rest’.

So, cookies! Everyone loves a good chocolate chip cookie and they generally take a stand on whether they like soft or hard chocolate chip cookies. I belong to the faction of people who like soft, crumbly, melt-in-your-mouth cookies. My recipe is essentially a soft cookie modified to include a molten Nutella centre.

The dough is a pretty standard cookie dough with two tiny modifications. My first modification: I use two different kinds of sugar - golden caster and light brown Muscovado*. The muscovado sugar helps to create that soft, chewy texture. It also adds a depth of flavour to the cookies -making for a richer cookie with a more complex flavour profile. 

The second modification is swapping out regular chocolate chips for chopped baking chocolate. I find the uniformity of chocolate chips slightly boring, so I prefer to chop them up myself. That way, you get variation in the sizes of the chocolate chunks and you also get these lovely chocolate shards streamed throughout the cookies.

And obviously, they’re filled with Nutella, who doesn’t love that?

                           ~~ Now onto the slightly serious stuff ~~

I tend to bake when I’m stressed because it's the one thing I can do without thinking at all. A-Level results coming out? A fresh tray of cinnamon rolls. A 2000 word essay? Salted caramel filled pretzels; and these usually occur in the small hours of the morning (I mean what else would you do when you’re stressed and can’t sleep). But sometimes, when I’m restless, tired and anxious, I find myself baking cookies. I think this is because they're one of the first things I learned how to bake, so they’re almost like my default setting for baking, and I made them 'my own’ very quickly,

In school, I realised that I had forgotten how to rest. Pulling all-nighters and going days on end without a proper meal, are normalised and even celebrated amongst your peers but honestly? These methods can only take you so far and building your whole career on them is extremely dangerous, not just for your physical health but also for your mental health. Developing healthy routines (especially routines incorporating rest) is so key. I know that I am in no way qualified to tell you guys to rest, seeing as I’m also slowly re-learning ‘rest’ myself, but honestly guys, last night I slept for 9 WHOLE hours and that small change made such a difference in my approach to the whole day (who knew literally every single health scientist was right).

Find activities you enjoy doing to ‘de-stress’. Be it baking cookies, watching a movie or going to the gym (LOL definitely not me but to each their own). Just make sure you’re setting time out to REST. God doesn’t want us overworked, anxious and tired. Someone who’s like a sister to me shared an amazing piece of information with me, that really changed my perspective on rest. Genesis 1:26-2:2. God created man on the 6th day and on the 7th day, God took the day off! Meaning that the first experience man had of life, was REST! If that doesn’t show you how important rest is to God, I don’t know what will.

In summary, take care of yourselves guys.

As usual, if you’d like my recipe for the cookies or if you have any other questions, just message me! See you soon!

Love and sunshine,

Renua

P.S

*Muscovado sugar is sugar which still contains molasses. When used in cooking, it provides a more complex flavour. The molasses also provides some antioxidants meaning that it’s slightly more nutritious than refined white sugar. (It IS still sugar so don’t go crazy)

[dancefloors]

in which way do you think he was more open? i feel like i can connect everything he said in this one (except for the minutae about say, river phoenix or freezing his eyelids): him saying teen fans tell you how they really feel in the first rs/how honest teen fans are like in the second; tipping the hat to a relationship with things he could only say to and instrument/songs are the only place he feels comfortable talking about a relationship; (1)

how he wanted to be honest and tell his stories/how he feels open to talk about his feelings; how he loved being in the band and doesnt hold a grudge against it/how he loved being in a band and had freedom to do what he wantex within it. even the way the writers describe him is similar at its core (his sunny disposition, his charm). felt like the main change was name dropping more niche shit, which makes sense given the crowd he surrounds himself with now... can’t seem like a dummy! (2)

just reread the first piece and I realise you're right they do touch on similar topics again but the way they're approached is so different! The first rs piece felt almost like storytelling, and had so many 'whole moments' within it if you know what I mean. like the long paragraphs where'd he'd talk about prince as an artist and that it's the mystery that he likes/the people romanticise places they can't get into speech/how did you feel when you were alone in that hotel room because you chose to be alone/him discussing Taylor's music/the infamous “How am I going to be mysterious when I’ve been this honest with you?” quote.. I mean that entire article had such a different energy and tbh felt more introspective, under the surface and yet homely.

the new interview seems faster paced and more blunt and it's not just harry Talking about being more open its him actually like.. Saying things. and it might not come off as open for regular ppl but I think it's open for Him. I mean it's all a bit different and a bit new! I said this earlier but it feels like we've worked backwards and we've gotten hints beneath the surface (that somehow let him remain elusive and mysterious and enigmatic) and now we're reaching the surface and it's different! I don't know! I Am prone to melodrama! I definitely don't think the writers described him the same though.. in the first one he remains this mellow warm almost-character I molded in my own head, in the second one he seems so human.. it's crazy

[kayann9]

Distance Part 2

Sorry it has been a while! Hope everyone had a great holiday season. More Parker fluff - the conclusion and make up to part 1. I won’t post now before New Year so I hope everyone has a lovely start to 2019 :) Characters are choices and not mine

Parker X Mc

Tags: @mind-reader1 @mistersinclaire @krish58100

Words: 1,781       Rating: T

“So, you’re just not getting dressed. Ever?”

Elliot clucks at me whilst rummaging for his second favourite shirt. Apparently, it’s my fault that the one with the blue has shrunk even though he definitely pressed the ‘on’ button for that load of laundry. I roll my eyes as he throws piles of similar looking t-shirts onto the bed; all crumpled and wrinkled from not being unpacked when I’d told him to. Although, I suppose, in my current state, I can’t judge him too much. I smooth out my grey joggers, a size too big now thanks to my lack of appetite over the last month, and scrape my hair up again still damp from the shower.

“I am wearing clothes thus dressed.” I give his shoulder a shove out of the way and open the bottom drawer of his dresser. Quickly, I throw the black shirt at him.

“How did you-”

Because you look for things with your eyes closed. That had been mom’s favourite thing to say to Elliot when he lost his shoes, or his bag, or his everything. “I have my ways.” He screws up his nose as he throws it over his t-shirt. “You are going to be late.”

Panic floods his wide eyes as he looks at the clock. “Shit.”

“Elliot!” I snap.

“You curse all the time. I heard you calling the tv an asshole yesterday for not having Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on at scheduled timing.” As if that’s an argument. I’m a grown woman. I glare at him, unwavering and it doesn’t take long for him to break the eye contact. “Fine. Some of us are more equal than others.” He mutters.

“Don’t George Orwell me. When you’re eighteen curse all you like. Now get going Scooter.”

Grabbing his hat, he rolls his eyes and sticks out his tongue. “Fine. But – why don’t you go and-” I cut him off with another glare. I don’t want to go anywhere. “I’ll be home before dark.”

Meeting Robbie hadn’t been the first thing I’d have liked him to do, not after the whole scenario in his basement but, I suppose, he made Elliot happy and at least one of us should have that opportunity. I grab a bagel because bread is my friend. I’d be singing from a different hymn sheet when I couldn’t fit in my dress for Imogen’s creepy initiation ceremony I’d, for some reason, agreed to partake in.

The door goes as I’m about to take my first bite of starchy goodness. Scooter. Probably forgotten to make a snarky comment about something else or perhaps he’s short a few dollars. “Just so you know, I’m not giving you a ride. It’s your fault you’re late.” I call into the kitchen with my mouthful of processed starch.

“Yeah it is kind of my fault.” I almost choke, caught somewhere between panic and the realisation that this had to have been some kind of twisted dream. There is no way Parker Shaw is here; not after our last conversation. After we’d both silently reached the conclusion that we were quietly hoping for different outcomes to this already bad situation. I look up. He’s here. His hair still a mess, face creased, and eyes rimmed in red from tiredness. He shrugs. “Elliot told me to come in. I was going to knock but then-”

I shoot up from the couch, my plate clattering to the floor. “No, no it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting -”

I look like shit. I look worse than shit. My joggers have a hole in the knee. My shirt is Care Bears. I’m not even wearing a bra. Wonderful. Way to win him back.

With a little smile, he cups my jaw with his hand and for a moment I think he’s going to kiss me. God, I want him o kiss me. His thumb gently runs over the skin and he chuckles gently. “You have a little-” Crumbs. I have a face covered in crumbs.

“Oh. Sorry. I was having-” I don’t even know what meal I’m meant to be eating right now. Three in the afternoon so perhaps a late afternoon snack?

“No.” Parker states firmly. “I mean no. I’m sorry Harper. I’m sorry for the other night.”

Since it happened, since he’d left that night, I’ve played out in my head what I wanted. There are times he apologises and promises he’ll never leave and there are times I’ve sought him out, in my brave imaginary state, to let him know how valid his pain is. None of them included me covered in half-eaten bagel. None of them happened in this living room with M.A.S.H reruns in the background. But, I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s here, and with him, my shred of sanity.

I motion for him to sit.

“Parker, you have nothing to apologise for. You were right. I have no right to assume that-”

“Yes, you do. You have every right. You have every conceivable right to question this considering what you’ve lost.” He sighs, and his hands grip his knees. “I don’t want Arthur to be guilty. I don’t want Abe to be either but if he is, I’ll be ok. I think.”

No, he won’t.

How did we get here?

I can’t stand seeing him like this. His eyes are shiny when he looks at me and I wipe my face, my own tears starting to burn again. But, he looks so hurt and broken. A man who’s resigned himself to the misery that is to come. I don’t even know what I want now other than for all this to go away. For me and Elliot to be fine and for me and Parker to be fine and everyone living happily ever after with songs and talking animals – preferably ones that don’t have several heads.

I squash onto the arm chair where he’s sitting. I don’t have much space but, I don’t need much space. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I rest my head on his shoulder. The second his arms go around my waist, tight and firm, I kiss his cheek.

“I don’t want you to lose things either.”

Slowly, he leans back in the chair and I rest on him. “I know you don’t. It was stupid of me to even think that.”

“You’re not stupid.” I growl at him. I need him to stop saying that; to stop believing it. “This is a stupid situation. This whole thing is stupid. We are not. We’re doing our best with what information we have and-”

His lips press against mine, slowly but decisively. When he pulls away, my heart beat is thundering in my ears. “I’m sorry.” Oh god. Does he regret it? Is he apologising for our near-death making out session? Couldn’t he stand to even look at me now? Sickness gnaws at my stomach. “I shouldn’t have left. We promised that when it got bad, we’d not do that, and I broke that promise.”

I’d not even thought about that. I run my fingers through his hair and shuffle to sit on his thigh. “Nobody broke anything. We’re talking. You, Parker Shaw, are a man of your word.”

The smile on his face makes me feel lighter than I have in days.

“I am indeed a man of my word.” He rubs his hand over his stubble and winks. “I just want you to know something. This whole thing is terrible – worse than that – it’s shit. Just utter bullshit. I hate that you’ve lost your family. I hate that this town is a mess. I hate all these lies and secrets. I especially hate ghosts and zombies.” Parker grabs my hand and wraps his fingers in mine. “But one thing I could never hate, is you Harper. You are the only thing making some sense to me and I want you to know, whatever happens, that I truly believe that.”

For the first time, maybe even since I got here, genuine warmth spreads in my chest.

Softly, he presses a kiss to my forehead and I let my eyes close. Thank god. Thank god he’s back.

“I know. You’re important to me too.”

The laugh he releases is warm and makes my spine tingle. “You know, I might even treat you to a romantic dinner when we put all this behind us.”

“I quite enjoyed the cramped supply closet whilst being chased by murderous crazy people.” His head shakes at me and I press my lips to the corner of his mouth. “Fine, I suppose I can let you wine and dine me.”

Even though it had been days, I’d missed this. Like I said, my only shred of normality. The only time I don’t have to be on or responsible.

“I quite enjoyed the supply closet too. In fact, I seem to remember something about carrying it on when sound wasn’t an issue?” His eyebrows raise. I had said that, hadn’t I? “You, Harper Vance, are a woman of your word.” I swat him in the arm.

“One make out session and you’re a regular Don Juan but, you are in fact correct. I have an empty house and a promise to make good on.” As Parker’s mouth brushes against the skin on my neck, my spine shudders. Bliss. Probably more bliss than I deserve. “I mean it is improper to get to third base without at least popcorn and terrible movie -”

When he laughs, his breath tickles my flesh. “I swear, I will keep this between us. Your reputation is safe with me.”

I doubt that.

Slowly, his mouth moves to mine and I lose myself in it; safe and warm and everything.

“Shit! God, my eyes!”

We both fall out the chair, trying to untangle our limbs faster than a human possibly could. As Elliot and Robbie stand above us wide-eyed and pale, I glare at Parker. Didn’t even lock the door; a cop, that didn’t lock the door.

“Elliot! Hi Robbie – Parker and I were-”

“This is most gross thing I have ever seen.” As Elliot speaks, Robbie bites back a smirk. “And please, spare me the ‘he stopped breathing and I was giving him mouth-to-mouth’ yarn; it didn’t work when I caught you with Brendan Gibson and it won’t work now.” With a snort and a head shake, Elliot hops up the stairs leaving Robbie awkwardly shrugging in our direction.

Silence befalls us as we sit on the floor; my ass bone probably bruised from the landing.

Parker, despite the redness on his face, is the first to laugh. “So, Brendan Gib-”

“Don’t you dare Parker. Don’t you dare.”

[thebritishblabbermouth]

Namjoon Fanfiction

Heyyya….So I am ridiculously shy posting something like this on a public forum but hey...I suppose I need to show some confidence xP

So here I present the first part of a namjoon two shot inspired by a request given by @bts-smolarmy  even though what was asked for is not what I’ve written? I think I went a little crazy and off topic but I hope she and all my readers and 49 followers enjoy! 

The request: BTS werewolf au when they find their soulmate: 

Okay..I am not going to say anything else...I am kinda all red in the face now...heres part 1...hopefully the second part will be up tomorrow :) 

Part 2 :

‘’Babe…are you up?’’ I said buttoning up my shirt. I looked at her through the mirror, the black sheets were a stark contrast to the exposed skin of her shoulder, soft snores an amative disparity to the otherwise sensual scene. She looked ethereal, perhaps the embodiment of Aphrodite herself- just for me. I didn’t realise how long I stood beside the bed, starring at her as if I hadn’t spent the night with her in my arms. Her musky aroma- the smell of old books and vanilla beans- was a strong soporific, lulling me to sleep as I ran my fingers through her hair. The tangles in the locks fell apart as she described her work day, tension ebbing into sighs as she spoke of broken coffee machines and stolen lunches. Memories of our discussions were fresh in my mind but the rumble of a stomach directed my thoughts to the ever pressing problem. ‘’Sweetheart…?’’ I brought my hands to rest on the side of her face, trying my best not to startle her.

‘’Joon?’’ she mumbled, voice laden with sleep but curious nonetheless.

‘’I am going to get some food…just stay in bed okay? I’ll bring back some breakfast.’’

She nodded in agreement and proceeded to clasp my hand with her own, she pulled me down so as to place our entwined palms under her cheek- her favourite sort of pillow. ‘’Jagi…I really need to go.’’ I said, chuckling her actions. Her eyes fluttered open as she grasped the situation, realising my hunger was only getting stronger by the minute. After all, it wasn’t one to be satiated easily. Werewolves had an incredibly large appetite, and a plate of pasta with juice for dinner was not going to be abate me for the rest of the day. We ate regular meals, like everyone else, but once a week it was important to fully quench our thirst for meat. It took energy to run our bodies and strength, agility and hyperawareness were qualities that required heavy diets to maintain.

She let my palm slip from her grasp, albeit reluctantly- it was obvious she disliked the idea of sleeping in alone but the kiss that had been placed onto my hand was approval enough ‘’Okay…but be back soon alright?’’

‘’I’ll be back before you know it.’’ I said, straightening my posture. ‘’Oh and Jagi…Happy anniversary.’’ The last thing I noticed was her eyes widening at the discovery as I slipped out of the room and into the woods, transforming into my prime as I did.

I returned in an hour, a bag of pancakes, pastries and coffee in hand- ready to fill her empty stomach with the sugary goodness. Somehow, she had successfully brushed her teeth and had retreated to the couch for a mandatory early morning nap, her sleeping shorts hiked up to her ample hips as the creamy skin of her legs came into view. If only she knew the kind of thoughts she stirred in my soul.

‘’You’re home Joonie?’’ she sat up slowly, the smell of cinnamon rolls hitting her senses and awakening her completely.

‘’Yeah…I have breakfast. Hold on…I’ll just get plates.’’ I said, turning towards the kitchen, hoping her shirt would successfully find its way back across her torso- covering the biteable skin of her middle. My actions were held in their trance as she tugged onto the hem of my polo, pulling me towards her as she did. ‘’You okay Jagi?’’

She pushed me onto the sofa and straddled my hips, bringing her arms to my face as she did. The buttery pastries momentarily forgotten as she studied me intently ‘’you always look beautiful in the mornings.’’

I grinned at her compliment and brought my palms to rest on the tops of her thighs, fingers slipping through her top in an attempt to feel as much skin as possible. ‘’And you always look beautiful.’’

She blushed at my retort, but the smile only highlighted the cheekiness in her eyes. The flecks of gold mixed in with the darkest of browns shone brightly against the morning light. It was impossible to resist her and even more so when her hands found their way to my hair, threading and pulling against it. My lips found hers in an instant, tongue fighting its way into her cavern. She accepted the intrusion willingly, her form moulding into mine as she attempted to touch everything that belonged to her. The hands that had fought bravely against the soft skin at her hips lost in an instant as she let out a strangled moan, fingertips bruising the skin as they pressed into her flesh. God, it was as if I couldn’t get enough. Her mouth, the layered hair that tickled my cheeks as her inexperienced self tried to get more from the heated kiss, it was intoxication in its most effortless form. But I needed to stop before I hurt her, before I forced her to commit to something she wasn’t ready for. Breaking away from her warmth was a challenge I couldn’t give up on.

‘’Joonie?’’ she questioned, her lips swollen red from my own.

I focused on my heart rate, trying to normalise its beat- trying to distract myself from the strain against my jeans and her dishevelled appearance. ‘’We can’t.’’

‘’Yeah. Of course we can’t… It’s been a year. Do you not want to? Is it because I am not…like you?’’ she said, avoiding my eyes.

I was appalled at the thought…how could she possibly think I didn’t want her? Was it her own insecurity that prevented her from seeing how I looked at her? This was a nightmare. She didn’t even know how much I craved for her, how much I pined to be with her in every way. ‘’You think I don’t want to be with you?’’ I said, thrusting my hips upwards. The feel of my length against her core brought out a gasp and her eyes widened in understanding.  ‘’I want you every minute I am with you. And I think of you every minute I am not. Please…I don’t want to hurt you. If we do this…if I give in to everything that is you…I won’t be able to back away from you. We’ll be soulmates. Bound till death do us part.'' she shook her head at the mention of death but I needed to clarify her thoughts. '' Do you know what that means? It means you can’t even think about leaving me. I won’t be able to let you go. You can’t leave, you can’t go to another country for work, no business trips. Nowhere without me. Are you ready for that? You’re only 23. You’re driven and you have a job that requires you to leave for multiple days at a time. I am not entirely sure…if I’ll be able to let you out of my sight…this isn’t about you….this is…just how it is…’’

‘’Namjoon…sweetheart. You don’t want to be with me because I won’t be able to go on business trips?’’ she whispered, the pain in her voice as clear as day. ‘’that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.’’

‘’I’ll hurt you. You aren’t ready for this. You have no idea how people change when they become soulmates…it’s…’’ I looked away from her beady eyes, unable to resist how they were drawing me in.

‘’Namjoon. We aren’t like your parents. They rushed into it too soon…they were teenagers. It was a mistake…they made a mistake. But this isn’t. We aren’t. I love you. Do you hear me? I want this. I want you.’’  She said, placing her fingers below my chin as she spoke. It was as if she knew me completely.

It was as if she knew my worries and fears before I let them consume me. I was the illegitimate production of a drunken night, my father- betrothed to another woman- left my mother to fend for herself. The embers of separation consuming her entirely just as she gave birth to her werewolf son. My mind fluttered to the images of my drunken father but they were quickly replaced, halted in their tracks as she kissed my forehead. ‘’It’ll never be anyone else for me. So if you seem willing…if you think you could…if you would just please…if you…’’ she said, unable to gather her wits.

I held my breath in anticipation, whimpering as I spoke ‘’If I could what?’’

Her eyes trained onto mine again, the freckles around her cheekbones dusting pink with colour as she enunciated her request, confidence in every shy word she breathed. ‘’If you could make love to me…’’ 

[rensknightlove]

Moonlight Shadow

Four am in the morning Carried away by a moonlight shadow I watched your vision forming Carried away by a moonlight shadow Star moved slowly in a silvery night Far away on the other side

(Moonlight Shadow – Mike Oldfield)

Chapter 1

Jenna has always been the most submissive Knight, but she has a love for darkness especially when it comes to men in positions of power. Her hunger for sex and control is equal only to her hunger for murder. Submissive in other areas of life but dominant in the bedroom, she prides herself on this.

Love and relationships are frowned upon within the First Order but as second in command to the master of the Knights of Ren, her position comes with certain…perks. Kylo Ren isn’t a man she can see herself with long term (even if it ever did become an option) but as a long-term sexual partner he fulfils her every need. Dominant when required but sensitive and submissive when she needs him to be. He hides his sensitive side from almost everyone, but he’s been with her long enough that he opens parts of himself that only she gets to see. She enjoys having him wrapped around her little finger and makes the most of every opportunity to seduce him. In front of the other Knights is the most satisfying (for her at least) but she’s seen the sideways glances from General Hux and she certainly has no desire to get on his bad side, so she’s tried hard to control herself in public.

For tonight though, she longs to be with him. Although tired from a day of study and training, she still has energy to burn and satisfying herself isn’t going to cut it this time. She needs his strong, sturdy arms holding her tight and his long, hard length filling her up and tonight she wants him to submit. It will be her that will take control.

Returning to her quarters to change, she notices him approaching as she walks the dark hallway. He notices her, too. Metres from her room their eyes meet, and a wicked grin creeps across his face. Without a second thought she pushes him, forcing him into the dark alcove away from prying eyes. Pressing him up against the cold wall she smashes her lips into his and their kiss deepens quickly - it would seem he wants her as much as she needs him.

His gloved hands roam her body eagerly and he lets out a deep growl. After moments of frenzied passion, she drags her lips away only long enough to whisper breathlessly in his ear - ‘Tonight. My quarters.’ Pulling away she glances at him just long enough to see his eyes wide and his hair a mess. Oh, how she loves his hair. Loves to desperately grasp for it as he eats her out, loves to run her hands through it while they kiss. It’s beautifully soft and seems to add an element of danger to his already attractive face. He shakes his head, as if coming out of a daze and simply nods. She sets off to change, leaving him to gaze longingly after her.

As she returns down the hallway and hears Kylo’s heavy footsteps walking off in the opposite direction, she notices one of her fellow knights leaning against a column, watching her. Jenna wonders how long she had been there? Had she seen her with him? If looks could kill, she’d be dead. She’s noticed this knight eyeing her man countless times before and wonders if maybe she’s jealous. Whatever her issues, Lily Ren could wait for another time.

Back in her quarters, in the fresher, Jenna allows the warm shower water to run over her aching body. Normally she’d rush this monotonous task to hurry to bed but tonight she lingers. Reaching for the shampoo to lather her hair she hears the fresher door open. Had she forgotten to lock it? She peers through the foggy glass, slightly alarmed and gasps as she catches a glimpse of Kylo there.

Their eyes meet briefly between the billowing steam and she opens the shower door for him - a silent invitation. He begins to remove his layers of clothes (why must he wear so many anyway?) somewhat hurriedly – eager to join her under the water. Not a word is said between them. They both understand exactly where this is headed.

Chapter 2

Unbridled lust burns in Kylo’s eyes as he joins her under the water. She turns away from him, slightly embarrassed that he has surprised her, and he wraps his long arms tightly around her waist. A shiver runs down her spine. His warmth envelops her as he leans in and begins trailing kisses from her jaw to the base of her neck. She tilts her head to the side to allow him easier access. He sucks hard on her favourite spot, the one he knows makes her crazy – that tender spot just above her collarbone. A soft moan escapes her lips which only seems to spur him on, no doubt hoping to leave a mark. He knows how much this turns her on and her arousal heightens quickly as she turns back toward him, engaging him in a deep kiss - her mouth open, allowing their tongues to meet. She loves the way he tastes, craves it. His large hands roam her saturated body – over her breasts, down to her stomach and hips and then slowly down the inside of her thigh. At this stage she feels she is losing all control and wants to make sure he still understands who is in charge.

‘Kylo’ she whispers. ‘Mmm?’ comes his response, his head still buried in her neck. He is nuzzling her now, breathing in her scent and she can feel his hard length raised against her stomach. She reaches for his cock and runs a single finger from the base to the tip, painfully slowly, knowing it drives him wild.

His breath hitches, and he locks eyes with her. ‘I need to taste you’ she tells him, quickly sinking to her knees. He can only stare down at her, the warm water cascading over his face and trickling down his ripped chest. He knows he can’t stop her even if he wants to and right now he is content to let her do whatever she wants. He motions slightly forward so his front is now out from under the water, his back still warmed by the heat of the shower but careful to ensure she won’t receive a mouth full of water.

He relishes control in all other areas of his life but when it comes to sex with Jenna Ren, he is mostly happy to let her take the lead. It hadn’t been that way with the women before her, quite the opposite in fact, but it had been much more regular with her and over time he’d just allowed it to happen. Enjoyed it even.

He feels loved, needed, desired - all the things he’s longed for his whole life. He closes his eyes and prepares to savour the feeling of her mouth as she devours him. How he loves his cock in her mouth. He is large – and every woman feels the need to inform him of that - and she can’t take him fully in her mouth, although over time she’s found ways to work around it. She licks the tip of his leaking cock, enjoying the initial taste of him. She loves the way he tastes and how he can’t help but thrust slightly into her mouth, always eager for more. More. She continues, quickening the pace and glancing upwards to take in the sight before her.

He is watching her now - his mouth slightly open, water droplets dripping from the hair that falls across his eyes.

She cups her hand over his sac, caressing the soft skin there and continues to suck hard on him, willing him closer to climax. She knows he has little control in this area and that it won’t be long before he is filling her mouth. She’s never swallowed for others before, but with him it’s different. Everything is different. She feels him grab her hair and pull, so she knows he is close. She moves her mouth towards the end of his reddening tip and continues to suck hard, preparing to drink him down.

Moments later his eyes roll back in his head as he cries out, spilling warmth over and over into her mouth. She swallows, trying her best to take it all in – placing steadying hands on the back of his thighs as his legs shake. Eventually he releases his grip on her hair and she releases her grip on him, as his orgasm subsides.

  Chapter 3

They finish showering together and wash each other’s hair. What at first seemed like a mundane task had become quite an intimate thing between them. Kylo shivers. ‘Water’s getting cold’ he announces, reaching around her to turn off the taps.

He opens the shower door, reaching for her hand to help her out. Grabbing 2 towels from the rack near the door he wraps one around her, the other around himself. Drying off quickly she then steals his towel with a cheeky grin, throwing it behind her onto the floor. ‘Bedroom’ she tells him with seductive eyes, promptly dropping her towel to the floor.

He smiles, knowingly. A smile is something she rarely sees from him and so it still surprises her. ‘Already? You are impatient’, he replies, with a soft chuckle. He lifts her swiftly off her feet and her legs wrap around his waist as he carries her toward the bedroom. He places her down onto the soft mattress and she moves back towards the head of the bed, wasting no time beckoning him closer. He moves up the bed and she pats the spot next to her, requesting he lay down. Raising an eyebrow, he looks slightly confused before realising what she wants. ‘You do realise I need a bit of…time, before I can go again?’ ‘But I’m not sure how long I can wait’ she answers, grinning mischievously and running her finger up and down his right bicep. He shakes his head and chuckles. She never ceases to amaze him. She has energy he didn’t know existed when it comes to the bedroom. One day he will take back all that power he’s given her but for now - for tonight - he’ll submit. Or that’s what he’ll lead her to believe. ‘Let me ride you’ she says boldly, straddling his massive body and coming to rest on his stomach. ‘Soon’ he tells her, leaning up to engage her in a kiss. He bites her bottom lip before placing several kisses along her jawline, eventually ending up back at her mouth. She kisses him back tenderly, while reaching behind her to try and grasp his cock.

‘Patience, my knight’ is his stern reply. He grabs her roaming hand, pulling it tight against his chest. ‘There is something we can do while we wait though. Well, something I can do’ he says, flipping her over. ‘Stay here, I’ll be right back.’ He climbs off the bed, heading over to the cabinet in the corner. He rummages through the drawers for a while and eventually returns to the bed holding something in his hand.

   Chapter 4

‘Is that rope?’ she enquires as he nears, raising her eyebrows in surprise. A thrill surges through her. ‘It is. I was saving this for the right time and I feel like this is it. But we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Are you up for it?’ ‘If your plan is to tie my hands up while you eat me out, then I think you should hurry up and get started’ she replies, growing impatient. He climbs back on the bed. ‘I hoped you’d say that. But before I do we need a safe word - a word you can use so I know to stop if it gets too much. Anything come to mind?’ She says the first horrid thing that pops into her head. ‘Hux’ she announces, cringing. ‘Really? You couldn’t have picked anything else?!’ he says, shaking his head. ‘Well you’ll certainly want to stop what we’re doing if I say that, won’t you!’ “Can’t argue with you there. Ok, Hux it is’ he agrees, making a face. He moves towards the bed head to tie her up. She offers her hands to him and he begins tying them together, tight enough to hold but loose enough to allow her to break free if she needs to. He proceeds to tie the rope behind her head onto the bed, while she watches him, deep in concentration. ‘Not too tight?’ he asks, allowing her time to get used to it. ‘No, perfect.’ ‘Ok, good. Now you’re at my mercy’. A darkness flares in those pretty eyes. He backs away and rests on his haunches, his eyes roaming her naked body. She can see he is going to enjoy this. He positions himself over her and begins trailing kisses from her neck down to her breasts before taking a nipple in his mouth. He rolls his tongue around it and sucks lightly, causing it to harden at his touch. He moves on to her other breast then, sure to give it equal attention. She loves the feel of his lips on her body. Anywhere on her body. She’ll never grow tired of it. He moves gently downwards, searing burning kisses into her skin. She is becoming wetter by the second and she squirms, still getting used to not having the use of her hands. Normally she would grab his hair while he had his head between her legs, but she realises now she won’t be able to. But this only seems to turn her on more. She is so wet from the anticipation, she closes her legs instinctively as he eventually moves down to settle at the foot of the bed. ‘Open up for me’ he coaxes her, looking up to make sure she is still ok. ‘I’m so wet’ she groans, self-consciously. ‘The wetter the better. That’s what I want’ he reassures her. ‘Let me taste you.’ She parts her legs slightly and he pushes them further apart. He studies her glistening pink lips for a moment. ‘Mmm, yes you are’ he notes as he dips a finger into her wetness, placing it into his mouth. ‘So wet’ he says, licking his lips hungrily. ‘You taste so good’.

He returns between her legs, his tongue shooting out as he begins lapping at her. She shudders at the initial contact.

He holds onto her thighs for leverage as he licks up and down her slit, moaning at the taste of her in his mouth. He lingers there before moving his tongue up to begin teasing her clit. He traces slow, firm circles around her most sensitive area and she can feel the wetness now trickling down the inside of her thigh. He laps it up, not wanting to miss a drop. He parts her lips, pushing a long finger slowly inside her. He drags it in and out repeatedly, letting her reactions guide him. He can tell by now what she likes and what she doesn’t by the noises she makes. ‘More’ she pleads breathlessly, so he adds another finger inside, causing her head to fall back against the pillow. He lifts both her legs from the bed and places them on his shoulders. She is now completely helpless beneath him – one of his hands on her stomach holding her in place. His fingers pick up the pace while he attacks her clit with his tongue and she can feel herself coming closer to the edge. It’s torture to not be able to grab at him – any part of him - but she can only lay there as he works at her with his mouth. She glances briefly down at him - his hair covering most of his face and tickling the inside of her thighs, driving her wild. She feels herself peaking quickly. ‘Kylo…I…’ she stammers, her mind a daze. ‘Come for me like a good girl. Don’t hold back. Give me everything’ he encourages her, as he returns to bite down gently on her clit - knowing full well that it will be enough to bring her orgasm crashing down. It always is. Her legs shake violently as it hits, and she screams his name as she comes onto the sheets. He licks up as much as he can, but he isn’t finished. No, he keeps at her. Licking and sucking and fingering until she can barely open her eyes – he knows he has all the power here and he’s keen to make the most of it. He knows she can take it - she’d taken it so many times before without any complaint.

‘More. Come for me some more. I know you want to’ he almost taunts her, not letting up. Wave after wave of pleasure racks her body until she almost blacks out with her most powerful orgasm yet. ‘Yes, yes’ she hears him chanting, over and over as she comes again and again, until she can’t anymore, and he finally relents, pulling himself away from her throbbing core.

He rubs his hands up and down her calves, helping to soothe her. Her shudders eventually settle, and he looks up to see her staring down at him - flushed and out of breath. How he loves seeing her like that, all because of him. ‘Oh, we’re not done yet’ he informs her, keeping her legs locked around his neck.

‘You know I can take whatever I want’.

  Chapter 5

Not even allowing her time to properly recover, he climbs back up onto the bed and pushes the tip of his hard cock into her entrance, watching for her reaction. A small moan escapes her lips – she is spent but still ready for him and can hardly wait for him to enter her. ‘Kylo, please’ she nearly begs and the next second she knows he is pushing fully into her, his wide girth stretching her to her limit. She should be used to this by now, but he is larger than anyone else she’s ever been with and she groans at the feel of him inside her. He pushes in to the hilt and pauses, looking down at her. His dark hair falls across his face, his dark eyes search hers.

He pulls back, almost out altogether before thrusting roughly back into her. In and out. In and out. Their bodies move together in perfect harmony – they’ve done this so many times before and it feels like second nature but it’s always sensual and always heated.

He is constantly rough with her, but she loves it that way. The darkness and the danger excite her – would she ever tire of this passion? Would she ever tire of him?? She didn’t think so.

He is pounding away within her now, his moans growing louder with every thrust, her pussy aching. ‘Yes, yes, harder, please’ she is moaning now, urging him on. He picks up the pace and continues, sweat dripping from his brow onto her chest. With his hands pushing both of her knees back towards her, her legs still wrapped around his neck, he pounds into her as hard as he can, growing closer to his release.  ‘Yes, yes – you take my cock so well - gonna fill you up’ he tells her breathlessly in between thrusts. She loves it when he praises her and when he talks dirty, she could listen to it all night. She talks to him that way sometimes, but for tonight she’s happy to let him do the talking - she will just lay there and take it. This wasn’t her original plan for the evening, but things don’t always go according to plan.

He almost shouts as he spills over and empties thick ropes of seed within her, pushing in as deep as he can go.

She’s thankful for the birth control implant she had put in, as she loves the raw feeling of him inside her. He eventually removes her legs from his shoulders, laying them gently down the bed. She will hardly be able to walk in the morning, but she doesn’t care. He withdraws and leans down to lick her pussy, now dripping with his come and does his best to clean her up. He crawls up her body and kisses her lips, allowing her to taste herself before lying next to her. They lie still for a few minutes, catching their breath. Sated.

 Before long she notices his breathing has steadied and he’s asleep. She snuggles into his side and prepares to drift off - exhausted - when she’s startled suddenly by the bedroom door creaking.

She wonders if it’s one of those strange dreams that hit you as you begin to fall asleep, but no. She lifts her head to look around and her door is definitely open and light from the hallway now illuminates her room.

Quarters are heavily secured on the ship, only able to be opened with a pin code.

But only Kylo knows the pin code to her quarters and he’s asleep beside her…

Chapter 6

It seems to happen in an instant. One minute she’s drifting off, the next the figure in the room is on her, dragging her from the bed.

She stumbles but manages to find her feet and without thinking grabs Kylo’s saber from the bedside table. She’s practised with it before, late at night in secret training sessions with him and she’s more than capable with it, but she struggles to locate the ignition button in the dark amongst the hurried frenzy of activity. She panics and drops it, and it falls back onto the bed.

The mysterious figure is covered head to toe in black (she notices) and her first thought is Hux.

He’s always hated Kylo and maker knows he’d take her from him in an instant given half the chance, but the nimble movements of her attacker make her think it’s someone else. Someone smaller. A woman maybe.

She feels a weapon connect with her shoulder, as she ducks to avoid the staff being swung at her. A sharp pain rings through her body and she cries out, hoping Kylo’s awake by now but she’s been taught to fight and it’s time to use that training. She’s not giving up.

She continues to defend herself in any way she can, as she’s pummelled from every angle when she hears Kylo’s saber ignite behind her, and in an instant, he’s hurtling from the bed over to her.

His saber pierces straight through the chest of the assailant and with that, it’s over.

The intruder falls to the floor and the air around them stills. Kylo rushes to the door to turn on the light before heading quickly back to her, wrapping her tightly in his arms. ‘Are you ok?’ he asks, panicked. ‘Where are you hurt?’ ‘I…I’m..ok’ she barely manages, shocked and breathless.

Holding her for a moment to make sure she is, Kylo then releases her and bends down to lift the black hood from the body on the floor. She gasps.

‘Lily Ren’ he tells her, unsurprised. ‘I thought it might come to this’. Jenna is confused. Lily, her fellow knight? The woman she’d trained with, confided in even? It hits her then. Confided in. She’d told her things about her life, but she’d been sure not to mention Kylo’s name – had Lily discovered it was Kylo she’d been seeing? Had she been jealous all these years?

‘She propositioned me once’ Kylo tells her. ‘I didn’t say anything to you, but I rejected her advances and I noticed a change in her after that’ he continues, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

She remembers Lily watching them in the hallway earlier and the look she’d given her. She’d obviously wanted Kylo for herself and had been willing to kill her to get to him.

Returning to the bed she sits down next to him, taking his hand.

‘Thank for you saving me’ she tells him, tears welling her eyes.

‘Always’ he replies sincerely, turning to look at her.

He squeezes her hand tightly and there’s a moment of silence before he speaks again, as he realises now he’s in love with Jenna Ren. ‘There is no one else’ he tells her. ‘There never will be’.

'Just you.'

[lifewithlala]

How I survived academical suicide

(or I did 2 semesters in 1. Twice. It was hell. pt 2)

As I said in my previous article, I took probably one of the worst choices a student could take: I did 2 semesters at the same time. Twice. If you wanna check why on earth I did that and how it went, you can check that here.

The first semester was the hardest. I had to look for a way to accomplish everything and somehow, I managed. However, the second time I did it, I prepared myself for my inevitable future. Thankfully, it went smoother than I thought. This is how I did it.

Plan ahead

Before starting the second time, I had about a month of vacations. That was the key to my success. I got and read all the syllabus I had for the next semester. I would mark down which ones had regular tests, presentations, essays or research. Presentations, essays and research are usually explained in the syllabus, unlike the theory which is mostly from the books. This way I could see which subjects required the most attention of me beforehand. Usually, this is how I did it:

Brainstorm presentations. Can you choose what you are going to talk about or is it a fixed subject? Can you make a plan on the topics you want to talk about the subject? What can you say there? Why is it relevant? Is there any research that supports what you are going to say?

Look for information about the essays and research. When it comes down to these 2, it is absolutely important to know a little in advance. For occasions like these, I love using Evernote's web clipper. You can neatly organise all the web clips in different formats such as an article, full page, screenshot, bookmark or save an entire pdf. The more you have there the better and more useful Evernote will be. And you can always come back to them easily. I'm not exaggerating, Evernote helped a ton! Here's a link if you're interested in using it:

https://evernote.com/products/webclipper

Look for summaries!! This is probably my number 1 tip. Downloading a summary can make your life so. much. easier. If you're too lazy to read the book before a lecture, try reading the summary so you still get the idea. Most of my professors give classes at the speed of light and it's in the lectures where I saw the power of having a summary at hand. Sometimes I would get lost, searching for what my professors were talking about in the books. A good summary only discusses the highlights, what is most important and most professors do just that. Some books come with a summary already, so try following the lectures with its help. If you still would like a little more detail, you can search online for more. I use the following websites:

https://www.studeersnel.nl/

https://www.stuvia.nl/

If you live in the Netherlands or are studying in Dutch, you can check those websites. For some documents you have to pay for premium but if you upload one of your documents you get 2 weeks free premium. I've never paid and I've always been able to download all the summaries I needed.

If you get classes in English, you can check out these sites (although idk how effective they are):

https://www.studocu.com/

https://www.cliffsnotes.com/

When classes start, then you can plan more specifically. Sometimes the schedule changes, some professors change some deadlines, anything can happen. So it's important to have a little agenda or bullet journal to keep track of the daily tasks you must do in order to get shit done.

Stick to your method of studying.

I love experimenting with new study methods but when you have so little time, I recommend to keep the experimenting at a minimum. I stuck to what worked best for me at that time with some tweaks here and there. If you completely change your study habits and fail completely, then you can't make up for the lost time. So I decided to be better safe than sorry. This is how I study best. 

Share with others.

Even though I tried my best to keep up with everything, there were times I simply overlooked something. In times like these, it is good to have a classmate that can help you with this. Now, I didn't want to be the sort of classmate that only talked to others when I needed something. So when I ask my classmates for something that I don't have, I make sure that I can give them something in return. Just like me, they are likely to have overlooked something else. So I try to figure it out by asking questions such as "Hey, have you start learning X?" or "Do you have all the answers for Y?" It's a very simple way to start a conversation and figure out what they need. And that's basically how I started to befriend others at college and now we are good friends. My others classmates ask me for help regularly and are very thankful. We even organise mini classes so I can explain certain subjects to them. I don't mind because I'm practising the stuff at the same time too and my classmates ask a lot of questions so they also make me think. Professors are also likely to see how responsible you are, and that's also part of the reason I became a TA, even though I'm still at Bachelors. (I don't give classes tho).

Find out when you are the most productive.

I really needed to use my time mindfully and effectively, so I worked when I was the most productive. Which was at 03.00 AM. It sounds crazy but for a college student pulling out an almost impossible feat for most people, it isn't. Where there's a will, there's a way. I'm not telling you to do the same because I don't want you to fall asleep on classes or somewhere else. Maybe you're a night owl. Which is fine. Work at midnight! Just make sure what you're doing is productive!

I realised after doing all of this I had more time than the first time I tried to do it. It was also a lot more manageable for me and I got used to it. It taught me to be more disciplined and to learn smarter and a lot of opportunities came my way. I was offered internships, I was able to work as a TA, and I am very glad that I am at the top of my class. If I hadn't work my ass off I wouldn't be able to have accomplished any of this, so I am happy that I went through all that hardship.

You can follow me on: Instagram: http://instagram.com/shirouvscollege Tumblr: https://shirouvscollege.tumblr.com/ Snapchat: shirouvscollege

Shirou.

[grimelords]

​My March playlist is finished and posted on time for once! Please enjoy three and a half hours of my new and old favourite music. A lot of post-hardcore, country of a few different flavours and a thirteen second long song that goes beep beep boop. Enjoy.

Old Money - Omar Rodriguez-Lopez: Who among you will join me on my podcast ‘Omar Podriguez-Locast’ where we discuss one of Omar Rodriguez’s 60+ insane solo albums every week and grow gradually infuriated with the very existence of each other until listeners are just tuning in each week for the episode where one of us finally snaps and attacks the other with a microphone?

America’s Most Blunted - Madvillain: It’s weird that this song about the wild and wacky world of jazz cigarettes opens up with a Steve Reich sample before moving into some real Reefer Madness type lameness at the end. Songs from so long before any type of legalisation are so lame like 'recent research shows that it’s not so darn harmful!’. This song is still very good though. I only found out that Lord Quas was just Madlib recently but I really respect the idea of having a rap alter-ego that’s just you with a pitch pedal.

Love My Way - The Psychedelic Furs: An underrated part of Call Me By Your Name is when Armie Hammer hears this song playing from a car and sprints over to dance with a woman who looks like she’s doing the monster mash.

Seven Stop Hold Restart - Bear Vs. Shark: Despite their bad name Bear Vs. Shark are a very good band and the best lyric in this song is when he says 'I am nine years old with short legs and arms.’ What I like about this song, and this band, is that the screaming is not the sort of affected scream-singing of a lot of their contemporaries it’s just a stocky guy absolutely yelling his guts out, which I appreciate.

Turncoat Revolution - Hot Cross: I think that’s close to what I like so much about Hot Cross too, I’ve never listened to Saetia either (the other band this guy sings for) but maybe I should because I just love this guy’s voice. The central hammery riff is so appealing to me but my favourite part of this song is the ending where the three chords just shrink away as the whole thing mellows down, it feels like realising you’ve been mad at something that happened in a dream this whole time.

Mag11 P82 - Venetian Snares and Daniel Lanois: Venetian Snares is apparently doing an album with Daniel Lanois who produced a bunch of U2 albums so my dream of a Bono/Venetian Snares team up is one step closer to reality. I like collaborations like this where you can very clearly tell who did what part. It’s hard to mistake when and how Venetian Snares is involved in a song a lot of the time. I really like this team up because freeing Snares from any kind of melodic responsibility allows Lanois to give the song a huge amount of space, unprecedented in a Snares song where the melody is often just as frantic as the rest of it.

Cornflake Girl - Tori Amos: Do you remember when Tori Amos had that album called American Doll Posse where she was doing a bunch of characters or something and it’s got one of the worst covers of all time in my opinion and I think about it a lot. Had a song called Big Wheel on it that I get stuck in my head a lot. But this isn’t that song so never mind! I was thinking about the production on this song, and how crazy it is to have whistling as a big part of your song while avoiding having everyone think of it as 'that whistling song’. All the instrumentation on this is great, the mandolin and acoustic next to each other making a huge bed for the piano to move under, then the harpsichord sounding keyboard and the guest vocal near the end, there’s just so much happening I love it.

The Field That Touches My House And Yours - Sarah Louise: This is probably the upcoming album I’m most excited about right now. Sarah Louise (who’s one half of House And Land who I’ve posted about before) is pulling a real James Blake by releasing a lot of amazing instrumental music and then suddenly revealing she’s an absolutely incredible singer and songwriter as well.

Jezebel - The Drones: The Drones have a lot of good songs about how it’s the end of the world and we’re all fucked and we’re all gonna die but this is one of my favourites. The sort of wide ranging scientific nihilism of an opening line like 'strontium 90, removed from milk’ really sets the tone for the rest of this song as it lays out every war like an ongoing nightmare that you have no option but to participate in as your body and the earth turn to muck in their wake.

How Sweet It Is - Karen Dalton: Everyone always talks about Karen Dalton as this mercurial folk phenomenon but I really love her second album where she just does standards with a full band. Hearing her bring her insane, complete chaos sense of rhythm to these regular-ass songs is such a delight to me. The way she just swoops in on the first line with absolutely no regard for whatever else is going on really cracks me up. That the song has backing vocalists for the chorus just makes it better, I imagine them singing while glancing at each other with panicked eyes as she just wildly darts around the microphone and sings absolutely whenever.

Bang Bang - Vanilla Fudge: Pitchfork had some video about the origins of heavy metal and I lasted about ten seconds becuase they mentioned a 60s psychedelic metal forerunner named Vanilla Fudge and my brain went 'funy’ so I looked them up instead. This song is a nightmare I absolutely love it, there’s simply not enough organs around anymore. The organ sounds absolutely immense and balanced against their cursed harmonies it sounds even bigger, what a jam.

Ride For Me (feat. Young Thug & 24 Hrs) - A-Trak and Falcons: Young Thug has finally brought back his insane Harambe voice and I for one couldn’t be happier. I have no idea who 24hrs is but he for real sounds like when Justin Beiber first came out so that’s a thrill.

Space Song - Beach House: This might be the platonic ideal of a Beach House song, it’s just beautiful and I don’t think I really have anything more to say about it. Beach House put out two albums in 2015, they put out the on that this song is on and then like three weeks later they surprise released another one and I was so shocked by the deluge of content that I have never listened to the second one. A powerful lesson for Beach House.

Anna - Will Butler: This song is so good I have no recollection of what the rest of the album sounds like, I just listen to this song over and over and over. Every part is good. The brass, the 'ba ba ba’s, they way he says 'you Got to get Mo-nay’, the piano breaks that sound like he’s just slamming it with flat hands. What a gift.

Hawkmoon 269 - U2: Here’s the straight up truth that nobody wants to hear: Rattle And Hum is U2’s best album. It’s literally just The Joshua Tree except better. It’s every bad instinct of U2 turned up to 11, which is what makes it good. He mentions preachers like twenty times on this album and there’s a gospel choir on two songs, it’s all happening all the time.

Silver And Gold - U2: Here also, is the straight truth: this is U2’s best song. A proper straight up political song about a specific idea, incredible instrumentation and Bono realising halfway through his speech that the crowd unfortunately does not care about Desmond Tutu’s request for economic sanctions against South Africa.

Hunting For Witches - Bloc Party: Post 9/11 war on terror indie is such a good genre. Kele’s always been a bit of a lame-o and he’s really on display here but when the instrumentation bangs like this it’s forgivable. Bloc Party have always seemed like a band where absolutely everyone is pulling their weight and doing the most in every single song and this is a good example. The drums! Matt Tong deserves a trophy!

All Of The Lights - Kanye West: I literally remember where I was the first time I heard the drums in this song, that’s how good it was. I can’t believe I only just found out that every single famous person features on this song. I thought it was just Rhianna but it turns out it’s La Roux in the 'fast cars shooting stars’ bit, Cudi in the 'getting mine’ bit, and fucking Fergie in the 'unemployment line’ part PLUS Elton John and Alicia Keys in the outro? This song is ridiculous. It’s almost a shame that such an incredible song in every aspect features some of Kanye’s most boneheaded verses but I suppose that’s what I love about him.

Let’s Hear It For The Boy - Deniece Williams: I’d like to invite you all now to stand and give a round of applause for my dipshit miser boyfriend that dresses like shit and can’t sing, I love him. I love this song a lot because I feel like she’s talking about me. This is a great song that’s right at the top of my long list of potential wrestling entrance themes.

Hey! - The Go! Team: I was premature when I said that new Go Team album wasn’t that great because it is in actuality very very good. This song would make a good wrestling theme too now that I think of it.

Monument - Royksopp & Robyn: I put the T.I.E. version of this song on my list last month and that prompted me to give the original another listen because it’s honestly just as good in a totally opposite direction. A long bit of space-jazz instead of a monolith threatening to crush you.

Merrymaking At My Place - Calvin Harris: My friend sent me this song and said it reminded him of Mother! which is very funny in my opinion. Loads of people come to my house, they take stuff inside of my house, and smoke stuff outside of my house, lots of people at my front door, lots of people in my front door, trying to get into my house. At my place [leaning into the mic] Baby. [panicked] Baby at my place.

Precious Lord (Take My Hand) (Parts 1 & 2) - Aretha Franklin: I was searching spotify for a good version of The Day Is Past And Gone and ended up finding this Aretha Franklin album that is absolutely incredible. It turns out it’s her first ever recording from when she was 14, which is mind boggling. It sounds like it was recorded from the back row of the church so it has this incredible amount of space to it and she just completely fills it with immense power. Even her piano playing is amazing. The whole thing is just an astonishing piece of music.

Big Iron - Marty Robbins: I was camping this month and thinking about country music, and so this and the next few songs are the result of that. I think Taylor Swift should not only pivot back to county for her next album but pivot back to this kind of cowboy story-song country. She should, in fact, just cover this song. This is The cowboy album and I feel like Marty Robbins may have been the most American man that ever lived, he used the money he made from cowboy songs to finance a NASCAR career.

Country Dumb - Josh T. Pearson: I spent a long time on the fence about Josh T. Pearson because music like this always raises the question of authenticity. He sort of feels like the country version of Nick Cave to me, straining for a very very authentic thing but in actuality a Berlin art boy. The main difference between Pearson and Cave though is that Pearson is actually very good. So I reconcile it by telling myself he’s a sort of Lana Del Rey character singer or something like that. This song is so great and I especially like his guitar style of letting the words lead and the guitar follow, where the lyrics are at the forefront and every part of the music is purely in support of them. 

Angel From Montgomery - John Prine: I’m so glad that John Prine is enjoying a bit of a late life resurgence in popularity among the Youth right now because he really deserves it. He feels like the songwriter that every songwriter loves but nobody else has ever heard of. I love this song, it feels like it was custom built to be some 70 year old country woman’s 'Hurt’.

Bogota Affair - Kid Creole And The Coconuts: A good and tropical song about getting cucked on an island and absolutely loving it.

Mientras La Veo Sonar - Rx Bandits: I figured out the reason I like this song and it’s honestly just that it sounds like watered down Mars Volta and I’ll take all of that you’ve got.

Joan, I’m Disappearing - City Calm Down: The way the first line of this song is an unexpected anacrusis makes me laugh cause it feels like the guy from The National just suddenly stepping into your room and collapsing into a seat to complain. I absolutely love this song, I’ve been listening to it on repeat. It’s melodically brilliant in the chorus, it just keeps giving, and structurally it never gets boring by just getting bigger and expanding the entire time to this huge emotional outpouring. I love the lyrics to this song because they’re so pathetic, which sounds like a strange and cruel thing to say but it’s true. It’s such a specific misguided melodramatic plea for a childish love that went on for too long and it’s just so heartbreaking and pathetic, and when it’s turned up to the emotional peak it’s believable and you sympathise. I wish this song went for five minutes more.

Footsteps - Dardanelles: This album was the critical darling of Australian music in 2006 and then this band just totally disappeared and I couldn’t find it for a long time before someone added it to spotify last year and now all their songs have <1000 plays. Very mysterious. I go through stages of being totally obsessed with this song, every part of it is just my favourite kind of pretentious art rock shit. 'This trail of breadcrumbs below your feet whispers like muscle cars on heat’? That’s good lyrics!

Queen Majesty - Techniques: I heard this song late at night when I was listening to ABC RN to fall asleep and some old guy was explaining how rocksteady was better than reggae and now I agree with him.

Opal (Four Tet Remix) - Bicep: The way this song builds around the central strong chords is just incredible, it’s a really simple motif and the way it comes back and sits foundationally through the whole piece. I love in the later half how the extra off-time melodies that seem to have no relation at all to the just come swooping through and almost destabilise the whole thing before those strong strong chords come through again. Also I have a strong suspicion that the snare sound in this is just Four Tet slapping his desk which I respect.

Jesus Came To My Birthday Party - The Middle East: I can’t overstate how much this song is directly wired to my brain stem. It is just perfect. This song is so simple but it feels like it came from another dimension to impart wisdom to me. It honestly makes me feel crazy. This whole album feels like the long lost brother of In The Aeroplane Over The Sea thematically and it really deserves a similar spot in the canon in my opinion. Please listen to it.

Eden - Talk Talk: The dynamics in the guitar playing is what really gets me in this song. The huge crescendo where it feels like the sound is being pulled apart from the inside dissipating to steam as soon as the groove kicks in. I don’t know, there’s not much to be said about Spirit Of Eden that hasn’t already been said, it’s transcendental music. It’s cliched but this is great driving music, music to space out and think about the universe to.

Outlaw Blues - Queens Of The Stone Age: What a treat to suddenly discover that one of my favourite bands has covered my favourite Bob Dylan song and done a great job of it too!

No Condition Is Permanent - Marijata: Ok this is embarrassing but the way I found out about this song was some goober on the overwatch subreddit had made playlists for every hero (Torbjorn’s was all electo-swing and pirate metal so who knows what the fuck was going on) and this and the next song were both on the Doomfist playlist, which was a lot of 70s afro-funk and highlife music which personally isn’t really telling the full story of Doomfist but that’s a whole other post. Anyway this song is great, and I’m glad I listened to this whole dumb-ass playlist to find it. I have a real affinity for songs like that that feel like the recording only ended cause they ran out of tape or the singer collapsed from exhaustion. This song could go for another 20 minutes and I’d only love it more.

Love And Death - Ebo Taylor: The groove of the drums in this song and the melodies of the horns are just hypnotising, and combined with the lyrics this feels like some very dark magic that I completely love. The guitar is really amazing in this as well actually, especially the solo where he switches back and forth between jazz soloing and just frantically strumming open chords.

Automatic (12" Version) - The Pointer Sisters: Huge fan of the extremely powerful megaman synth that comes in about halfway through this song and just charges the whole place up. I love how rich and deep her voice is, how it’s built on by the harmonies in the prechorus and then unleashed in the chorus. I also love how simple the chorus is, it doesn’t overshadow the rest of the song and the verses are just as good which is exactly what you want from a long mix like this. Huge fan of the deep guy’s voice just saying 'au-to-ma-tic’ during the fade out too, give that guy some more to do.

White Girl - Soul Coughing: Lyrically most Soul Coughing songs sound like somewhere between echolalia and reading out every street sign that you see, which is very appealing to me because that’s essentially how I communicate, but this one feels like a dire warning about an approaching conqueror. Also the ending of this song make me laugh because it’s the same as at the end of New Noise by Refused where he just screams 'THE NEW BEAT’ over and over and over after the instruments have all finished and in my eyes that’s a very very funny thing to do with the phrase 'white girl’.

Tone Tone Tone & Tone Tone Two - Shuta Hasunuma and U-zhaan: This album feels like some real Tiny Mix Tapes-core; a collaboration between two Japanese composers - a found object orchestra composer and a tabla player but against all odds it’s actually good. Unfortunately my favourite part of it is this 13 second piece of music that sounds like the brand ID for a very high-end podcast network.

I Won’t Be Found - The Tallest Man On Earth: I listened to this song eight times in a row and sang along the whole time on my drive home from work the other day. His voice is so uniquely good, a cowboy yodel with a slight swedish accent. I’m hooked right from when he sings 'morning’ as 'morning-AH’.

Now U Got Me Hooked - A.A.L: I can’t get over how good this new Nicolas Jaar side project album is. It’s just wall to wall bangers, a perfect party album. I love the really raw sound of a lot of the drums in this song; the huge clap that’s on the edge of being over-distorted mixed with a huge rumbling kick blowing out the low frequency that eventually cleans up and brings the sample back in and almost eliminates the bass entirely before it drops again and the sequence starts over. I love how long a lot of the songs on this album are, every idea is given so much room to completely stretch out.

Ride - Lana Del Rey: I saw Lana live last night and as soon as the first notes of this song played the girl in front of me absolutely screamed 'BITCH!!’ and I felt a real kinship with her. I really think this might be my favourite song of hers. It makes me so emotional every time and I can’t even pinpoint why. The way she sings 'fucking crazy’ the huge, sweeping chorus. It’s just amazing, I love her so much! Bitch!!

listen here

[redditnosleep]

Has Anyone Heard of The Left/Right Game?

by NeonTempo

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 (Final)

A few points before we start.

Firstly, I am not the protagonist of this story. I just went to university with her, and though she went on to become a professional writer, I most certainly did not. She'll be taking over from me further down but, until then, please forgive my slightly awkward delivery while I give you guys the necessary context.

Secondly, I don't know what you will make of the following events, and I'm sure many of you might consider it all some sort of hoax. I wasn't present for any of what transpired in Phoenix, Arizona but I can vouch for the person who wrote the following logs. She is not, and has never been, a fantasist.

Ok so I once knew a girl called Alice Sharma. She was an undergrad at Edinburgh Uni the same time I was. My educational poison was History, a degree which has greatly benefited my career as a bicycle repairman. Alice Sharma studied journalism, though perhaps "studied" isn't the word. It's not an exaggeration to say that she lived and breathed the subject. Editor-in-chief of the campus paper, recognisable voice of student radio. She was frustratingly tunnel visioned, and she was a journalist in her own right before anyone gave her a professional shot.

We met in student halls and became friends almost immediately. A meandering waster trying to stay off his parent's farm and an intrepid, ambitious reporter may not seem the most obvious pairing, but I learned not to question it. She was inspiring, and smart and she proofread all my essays. I’m not too sure what she saw in me.

We were eventually flatmates down in London where she chased her dream and I chased my tail. She got a few jobs here and there, but nothing befitting of her skills. After months of fruitless internships and rejections, Alice called a flat meeting, telling us that she was moving to America, accepting a position chasing stories for National Public Radio. The job had come out of the blue, the result of a hail mary application she thought had been dismissed out of hand. We threw her a bittersweet going away party and put the room up for rent.

That party was the last time I saw Alice Sharma. She dropped out of contact a few months after her departure. Complete radio silence. I assumed she was just busy so I carried on with my small but happy life, and waited for her to pop up on television with some important words below her name; Chief Correspondent, Senior Analyst… something like that.

The radio silence was broken last week, and, for reasons you’ll glean further down, I’m less happy about it than I would’ve thought.

Arriving home from work I found a lone email in my otherwise bare inbox. An email that would later be described as "suspicious" by my tech literate friends. Despite being born in the early 1990's I didn't own a computer until uni, and I've missed several important lessons in the world of cyberspace. Lessons like "Don't call it Cyberspace" of course and more importantly, "Don't open emails with no text, no subject and no sender's address."

I realise most of you would have deleted this anonymous, blank email immediately, my friends certainly would have, but beyond my basic ignorance about online safety, something further compelled me to open it. The only thing of substance in the entire message was a zipped folder, labeled:

Left.Right.AS

I don't have to explain what I was hoping those final initials stood for.

Opening the zipped folder I found myself staring at a stack of text files. Each one titled with a date, continuing sequentially from the very earliest file "07-02-2017". (To any Americans in the room this is the 7th of February).

I’ve since read the files a few times, and shown them to some friends. They don't know what to make of it either, but they certainly aren't as concerned as me. They think Alice is just in a creative writing phase and, if I didn't know her, I’d have to agree. But the thing is, I do know her. Alice Sharma only cares about the truth and if that's the case with these files, insane as it may sound, then it’s very possible my friend has documented her own disappearance.

The people who suggested this forum said you discuss strange occurrences etc. If you guys have come across anything to do with the below, or know any of the people involved, then please send any information my way.

Has anyone here heard of the Left/Right Game?

The Left/Right Game [DRAFT 1] 07/02/2017

They say great stories happen to those who can tell them. Robert J. Guthard is an exception to that rule. As I sit at his table, sip his coffee and listen to him recount the past 65 years it sounds like he's reading off a shopping list. Every event, his first job, his second wedding, his third divorce, none of them receive more than one or two sentences. Rob plows through the years, the curt, dispassionate curator of his own personal history. Yet the story itself is so fascinating, so rich with moments and so wildly meandering that it somehow stands on its own merits.

It's a great story, no matter how you tell it.

By the time Rob was 21, he'd gotten married, had a son, worked as a farmer, a mover, a boat engineer, and grown estranged from his spouse... Here's him talking about that.

ROB: Course my wife started to get dissatisfied, I was away a while.

AS: For work?

ROB:Vietnam.

AS: You were in Vietnam? How was that for you?

ROB: I ain't never been back since.

That was everything he had to say concerning his first divorce, and the entire Vietnam war.

Rob had four marriages after that, and even more professions. After the war he worked with a firm of private detectives, got shot at once by the mob, then he became a courier, which is how a poor boy from Alabama got to see the world.

ROB: I been to most of the continents with that job. I been to India. You from India?

AS: My mum and dad are from India yeah.

ROB: See I could tell.

He'd been arrested once in Singapore, after one of his packages had been found to be full of white powder. He spent three days locked up before someone got around to checking the substance. It was chalk.

A friend he made during his brief custody, Hiroji Sato, invited Rob to stay with him in Japan. Just getting over the breakup of his third marriage, Rob took the offer. He stayed in Japan for another 5 years.

ROB: The Japanese are good people. Good manners. But they got all these urban legends and ghost stories that Hiroji was crazy for, spent all his free time chasing them down. Like, you heard of Jorogumo?

AS: I don't think so"

ROB: Well she's this spider lady lives in the Joro Falls round Izu. Meant to be real pretty but real dangerous. Hiroji took us out there to get a picture of her.

AS: Did you ever meet Jorogumo?

ROB Nah she didn't show. None of them did. I didn't believe at all until we went to Aokigahara

Aokigahara, affectionately titled the Suicide Forest. The next stop on Rob's adventure. It's an area of woodland at the base of Mount Fuji, a notorious hotspot for young people looking to take their own lives. Hiroji, Rob's ghost obsessed jailmate turned best friend, took him to Aokigahara to chase "yurei" the ghosts of the forest.

AS: Did you find anything? In Aokigahara?

ROB: Well I ain't gonna ask you to believe me. But I was a PI. Professional cynic. Even I can't deny there was a spirit in those woods.

From that moment on, Rob's sentences start getting longer. A childlike excitement creeps into his voice. I get the distinct feeling we're moving beyond background, beyond Rob Guthard's old life, and towards his new one. The one he wants to talk about. The one that led him to contact the show.

ROB: It walked up to me through the trees. Looked like static you see on a TV screen but it had a human shape almost.

AS: Almost?

ROB: It was missing an arm. It reached out to me but I bolted outta that forest so fast. Hiroji never saw it, holds it against me to this day.

Hiroji had good reason to be annoyed. Rob says that Mr Sato had been going to the forest 2-3 times per year for three decades. To have a rookie come along and claim to have seen a yurei on his first trip? I'd be more than a little cranky.

But Rob didn't stay a rookie for long. In fact, it was in those woods that he discovered his current passion. The supernatural, or more accurately, the documentation and investigation of urban legends. Legends like Bloody Mary, the Jersey Devil, Sasquatch. Rob has looked into them all.

ROB: I figured if one was true then who knows how many others could be.

AS: How many have you proven so far?

ROB: Since Aokigahara? Ain't none of em had any proof to em. Except for one. That's why I called you guys up.

At this point, Rob can’t hope to repress his smile.

The Left/Right game appeared on a paranormal message board in June 2016. Only a few people frequently visited the forum and, of these regulars, only Rob took an interest in the post.

ROB: The whole thing had a level of detail you don't see in other stories.

AS: What details grabbed your interest?

ROB: Logs. High quality pictures. The guy documented everything, said he wasn't gonna play the game anymore. I think he wanted somebody to keep investigating.

AS: And you were that somebody.

ROB: That's right. I set about trying to verify his information right away.

AS: And how did it go?

ROB: Well... It didn't take long to realise the Left/Right Game is the real thing.

The rules of the Left/Right game are simple. Get in your car and take a drive. Take a left, then the next possible road on the right, then the next possible left. Repeat the process ad infinitum, until you wind up somewhere... new. The rules are easy to understand, but Rob says their not so easy to follow.

ROB: There ain't all that many roads where you can turn left and right and left and right and keep going. Most of the time you find yourself at a dead end or needing to turn in the wrong direction. Phoenix is built on a grid system so you can keep going left and right as long as you need to.

AS: Did you move to Phoenix for the Left/Right game?

ROB: That's right.

I try not to seem incredulous. Selling your house in another state, packing up and moving your whole life to Phoenix, Arizona just to play a game you saw on the internet? It seems like insanity. Rob smiles as he reads my expression. I can clearly read his expression too. "You'll see." It says. "Just wait."

I wouldn't have to wait long. Included within the 9 page submission Rob sent our show, was a long list of suggested items the chosen reporter should bring with them. Clothes for three days, a pocket knife, matches, bandages. There were also a set of qualifications the reporter should have. The ability to drive, basic vehicle maintenance and its human equivalent... first aid training. He didn't just want to talk about the Left/Right Game. He wanted to take one of us along.

Rob leaves a short while later to embark on a few errands, "Prepping the Run", as he calls it. He shows me to the guest room and we part ways, on good terms but very much aware of the other's poorly veiled opinions. He knew I saw him as a charming obsessive, chasing after a fairy tale. He saw me as a naive cynic, on the cusp of a new world. All I could think as I heard the front door close is that by tomorrow afternoon, one of us would be right.

More after this.

When I wake up the next morning, Rob is in my room, holding a tray which he'd knocked on the bottom of to rouse me. I don't manage to record the start of our conversation.

ROB: - I got bananas, strawberries, chocolate syrup. We got some more downstairs but I wanted you to wake up to something good. We won't be eatin' this stuff on the road."

Rob has made me waffles. He sets them down on the night stand and talks through the coming day as I eat. I'll admit it feels a little uncomfortable, waking up in a stranger's home to find said stranger already standing over me, but I quickly move past it. I tell myself that he’s an older man, accustomed to living alone in his own house, not usually having to think about boundaries. Anyway, he certainly knows his way around a waffle iron.

ROB: We hit the road at 9. I wanted to give you time to get ready before everyone shows up.

AS: There are other people coming?

ROB: We got a 5 car convoy on the road today. They'll be here in an hour.

This is the first I’ve heard of a convoy, and to be honest I’m surprised. The game is Rob's obsession, and I’m here at his request. The idea that anyone else would have an interest in today's drive is a little perplexing.

Half an hour later, sated, showered and dressed in the "functional clothing" Rob had so painstakingly outlined, I take my pack out to the porch. Rob’s already there, waiting for his associates to show up.

AS: I thought you'd be conducting a few more errands.

ROB: If you ain't prepared by the morning of, you ain't prepared.

AS: Hah ok I guess that's fair. Oh, Rob is the garage locked? The inside door won't budge and I wanted to mic up the car.

ROB: Yeah it's locked up I'll open it for ya.

AS: Thank you.

ROB: In fact it's about time I wheeled her out. Fair warning Ms Sharma, she's a thing of beauty.

To Rob Guthard, beauty took the form of a dark green Jeep Wrangler. Rob climbs in and lets it roll out of the garage, where it dominates every inch of driveway. The car is large; four doors with a roof enclosing the entire compartment. It’s also been modified extensively, yet another example of Rob's dedication to the game.

ROB: What're you thinking?

AS: I think you're two caterpillar treads short of driving a tank.

ROB: Hah yeah I fixed her up good. I put the winch in, heavy duty tires, the light rig on top is LED's. They'll make midnight look like noon but they don't use hardly any power.

AS: Aren't Jeeps open top usually?

ROB: Not all. This is the Unlimited. I like to have a covered car when I head on the road.

I climb in and stow my pack. Rob had removed the back seats to afford more storage space. The place is packed to the brim. Jerry cans of gasoline, barrels of water, rope, snacks and his own neatly packed set of clothes.

I wonder if the rest of our convoy would take the game so seriously.

ROB: We got Apollo coming up in 10 minutes. No one else has given me a time. I sent the schedule weeks ago, this always happens.

AS: His name's Apollo?

ROB: That's his call sign. Apollo Creed I think he said.

AS: Why are you using call signs?

ROB: Did I not tell you? Oh yeah we're gonna use call signs on the road, keep communication clear.

AS: What's your callsign?

ROB: Ferryman.

AS: ... What's my call sign?

ROB: I thought about it. I was thinking London, you're from London right?

AS: I'm from Bristol.

ROB: Bristol? That’s fine I guess.

It’s less than ten minutes before Apollo turns the corner. Rob jumps out of his chair and paces briskly over to the edge of his property, as his first guest pulls up and steps onto the sidewalk.

Apollo vaguely resembles his namesake, dark skinned, tall and noticeably well built, though it’s clear he couldn’t be less of a fighter. This Apollo Creed is all smiles and seems to have a penchant for laughing at his own jokes.

AS: How far have you come?

APOLLO: I've come out of Chicago. Took three days hard driving.

AS: And you know Rob from the forums?

APOLLO: Everybody knows Rob, Rob's the god! Ahaha

Rob walks over to Apollo's car, gesturing him over to talk shop. Rob’s clearly impressed with Apollo's choice of vehicle, a blue Range Rover packed to the ceiling with kit. I was more impressed with Rob himself. Somehow this 65 year old farmer's son had become respected in a vast online community. My dad is Rob’s age and he's just discovered copy and paste.

The rest don't take long to arrive. Two Minnesotan librarians, also around Rob's age, pull up in a grey Ford Focus. They’re brother and sister, and they've shared ghost hunting as a hobby their entire lives. I find it hard to suppress a smile when they meekly introduce themselves as Bonnie and Clyde.

CLYDE: We would have gotten here sooner we had to drop by to get some blankets. Pleasure to meet you ma'am.

AS: Pleasure to meet you too.

CLYDE: Would you be the journalist?

AS: That's right.

CLYDE: You used to write for the town paper didn't you?

He's talking to his sister there, she nods. Clyde is clearly the spokesperson for the pair, yet they both seem incredibly shy. Whether they admire the famous outlaws, or just the name, it's pretty clear they couldn't be more different from the real thing.

Next to show up are Lilith and Eve, English Lit students at New York University and proprietors of the YouTube channel Paranormicon. Unlike Bonnie and Clyde, Lilith and Eve have no issue holding a conversation. As soon as they learn who I am, and what I do for a living, they attempt to conscript me for an expedition to Roswell.

LILITH: We have a friend there, he's been seeing some-

EVE: -He's a seismologist

LILITH: Yeah and he's been recording readings over the years that show subterranean movement. Predictable movement.

EVE: We're going to see him in July, but we could work it around you if you're free.

AS: I'll have to check my schedule

EVE: OK cool let me give you my email...

They quickly hurry off to film an intro for their latest video, featuring a quick interview with Rob, who seems pretty welcoming of the attention.

The last two cars arrive within a few seconds of each other. A lithe, strong willed older lady who goes by Bluejay and a younger man going by the callsign “Ace”. Bluejay has arrived in a grey Ford Explorer. Ace, much to Rob's annoyance, has arrived in a Porsche.

ROB: Did you think that's gonna help on the road? I didn't write that-

ACE: It's my car. What am I meant to do,? It's my car.

ROB: You didn't read my itinerary, you got nothing packed in there.

ACE: I did read it sir OK? Calm down. I have a bag, I won't ask you for anything.

ROB: Well I know that's true.

Ace and Rob were off to a bad start. Ace takes a phone call, and despite my best efforts to get an interview with Bluejay, she doesn't seem interested in talking to a journalist.

With five cars, and seven travellers waiting for a green light, Rob hands out radios and charging packs, then launches into a quick safety briefing. Wear seatbelts. Stay in position. Communicate clearly and often. It’s at this moment I start to feel a little dismay. I like Rob, and clearly so does everyone else. He'd convinced all of them to drive across the country to join in with his game. I start to worry what will happen in the likely event that the whole thing isn’t real. Would Rob lose the respect of his peers? Would he accept failure when it comes? After seeing the effort he’s put into these runs, the next few hours have the potential to be wildly uncomfortable.

With a smile and a few encouraging words, Rob ends his briefing and beckons me over to the Wrangler. I clamber inside and make myself as comfortable as possible.

ROB: You ready for this Bristol?

AS: I'm ready.

ROB: Ok then let's hit the road.

The Wrangler pulls out of the driveway, and the convoy follows in order of arrival. Apollo, Bonnie & Clyde, Lilith & Eve, Bluejay and Ace keep a steady pace behind us as we come up to the first corner.

Rob slowly and deliberately turns left, checking on the others in his rear view mirror. He looks back to the road as Ace’s Porsche completes the first turn of the game. Shortly afterwards, Apollo checks in on the CB radio.

APOLLO: This is Apollo for Ferryman. How many to more go Rob? ahahaha

ROB: Hah as many as it takes.

I can tell Rob wanted the to reserve the radio for something other than Apollo's quips. But he seems to like Apollo enough to let it slide. I'm not sure Ace would have received the same treatment. We take the next right, then another left. Now safely assured that everyone's following correctly, Rob speaks my thoughts aloud.

ROB: You're wondering the same thing Apollo is.

AS: What do you mean?

ROB: You're wondering how many turns we're gonna take before we hit some wall or something. Before you find out this is all just a story.

AS: Does that disappoint you?

ROB: I'd be disappointed if you weren't thinking something like it. But now we're on the road I gotta say something and you gotta listen to it.

AS: OK...

ROB: We're coming up to a tunnel soon. Any time before we reach it you can get out, walk in any direction you like, and you won’t be in the game no more. Once we go through, you gotta retrace the route we took to get yourself back out that tunnel. That's when you’re home. And you gotta convince someone to take you back in a car coz I ain't ferrying you back 20 minutes in. You got till the tunnel to skip out on this, understand?

AS: I understand. Though I have to say I'm getting little nervous.

ROB: Ain't nothing wrong with a little nervous.

We've taken 23 turns by this point. Already I feel like we're traversing the city pretty effectively. Rob's heavily modified Wrangler solicits a few impressed glances from passersby, as well as several honks of respect from other Jeep drivers. Other than those few moments, everything seems completely indistinguishable from a regular morning drive. I even start to worry if there’ll be anything at all for this story. “Reporter Takes Drive With Interesting Man” isn’t exactly Pulitzer worthy.

Turn 33 leads us onto a short, unassuming street. A row of small businesses in a quiet Phoenician neighbourhood; liquor, second hand clothing, tools and, at the end of the street, a little shop selling antique mirrors. Ten or so people shuffle along the sidewalk, smiling, talking, planning their weekends. The only lone person is a young woman in a grey coat..

I briefly glimpse her at the end of the street, standing on our next corner, the back of her coat reflected in fifty old mirrors. Even from a distance I can see that she’s sullen, wide eyed and nervous. She shifts constantly on her feet, tugging at the button of her coat.

I look away to write some notes as we roll down the street. When I look up again, the woman is standing by my window, staring right at me. She’s smiling, a wide, unfaltering grin that seems almost offensive in its complete insincerity.

GREYWOMAN: Lambs at the gate. Hoping for something better than clover when all they find are things worse than slaughter.

AS: Rob what's happening?

ROB: Ignore her.

GREYWOMAN: He wanted to leave me so I cut him out. The lake was hungry it drank the wound clean.

AS: Miss, are you alright?

The smile vanishes, it snaps from her face and suddenly, the woman is furious.

GREYWOMAN: What do you think you're doing?! Have you gone mad?!

I reflexively press myself back in my chair as the woman, wild eyed and gaunt, slams her fists against my window, with every intent of breaking through.

GREYWOMAN: Would you dance down the lion’s tongue? It will shred you, you whore! It will shred you down to your sins! You fucking bastard!

Rob puts his foot down, and the Wrangler rolls defiantly away from the woman. As we turn the corner I watch her as she wretches, her every movement cradled in abject hysteria. She yells despairingly at the rest of the convoy, bursting into tears when the last car passes her by.

As she shrinks into the rear view mirror, I see her turn to a large mirror on the side of the shop, which the owner is in the process of polishing. I watch as she walks up to it, and with a convulsant scream, slams her head into the glass.

The mirror cracks around her forehead, the owner jumps back in shock, and as the woman pulls her head from the mirror's surface, the fractured spider’s web is dripping red. It all happens in a split second, and she quickly swerves from my view as we take the next left.

AS: Rob, what was that?

ROB: She's there sometimes.

AS: On that street?

ROB: On the 34th turn.

AS: Who is she?

ROB: I don't know. She's never acted out that much before though. Must be a special trip.

I find Rob's lack of concern a little unpleasant, and his implication that this woman's ravings were the symptom of an internet game leaves me more than a little perturbed. As I see it, there are a few explanations for what just happened, and none of them lead to a comforting conclusion.

If we had just encountered a bonafide crazy person, then one could argue that Rob is just seeing what he wants to see. Maybe he'd bought into the game’s story so much that every strange but explainable occurrence would be rationalised as the next step in his favourite paranormal narrative.

Alternatively, the woman could have been an actor, a more elaborate theory sure, but not unheard of. People have lied to the show before and Rob was receiving a tonne of publicity for this attempt from Lilith, Eve and I. I admit, Rob didn't seem like a liar, but good liars never do.

There is a third alternative however. An alternative which, if you put logic aside, explains the all troubling little details that I couldn't help but notice. Because as strange as the grey woman was, isn't it stranger that no one on the street would react? I couldn't recall a single glance in her direction by anybody on the sidewalk. Perhaps that theory falls apart when you consider the shock on the mirror seller's face but, when I think about it, he only reacted once the mirror shattered, and even then, I feel like his attention was on the mirror itself.

The radio crackles.

LILITH: Lillith to Bristol. Sara... Eve got that on camera! Do you have audio?

AS: I think it picked her up.

LILITH: My god that was so weird. Can you send us the file when we stop? Can you ask Ferryman when we're stopping?

AS: When's our stopping point?

ROB: For them, in about 30 minutes. For you? Well, you tell me.

Rob turns off a busy street just before a large intersection, onto a much quieter stretch of two lane road. Ahead of us the road slopes downward, leading into an underpass, which disappears into darkness.

We'd arrived at the tunnel.

AS: What is this supposed to pass under?

ROB: Ain't supposed to pass under anything, it's just there.

AS: And if we weren't playing the game?

ROB: Then it won't show. The question is, are you playing the game or not?

Rob turns to me. It’s the first time he’s taken his eyes off the road since we started. He pulls the car to a slow stop at the mouth of the tunnel.

ROB: You get out now you can go wherever you wanna go, but through there you'll need a car to get yourself home and, like I said, mine ain't turnin round for a long while. You understand?

It’s a dramatic statement, but unsettlingly, it doesn’t feel like he’s attempting to dramatise. It feels like I’m having something genuinely asked of me. Am I ready for what’s to come? Do I accept the risks involved? Do I consent to be taken down this road, and the next road, and the next? Am I prepared to see this game through, real or otherwise, to its end?

AS: What are you waiting for?

Rob smiles, and turns back to the road. He picks up the CB radio holds down the button on the side. The microphone crackles.

ROB: This is Ferryman to all cars. Anyone want to step out then pull to the side now. Otherwise, stay in formation and have some supplies at hand. We got a long ways to go.

Much like the game I’m so tentatively playing, my view of Robert J. Guthard seems to change direction frequently. I’d heard all about his life, but I’m sure that I know him. I like the guy, but I’m not certain that I trust him. And though I admire his dedication to the Left/Right Game, I’m not sure I’ll like where it might lead us. Yet as he takes us into the tunnel, his face vanishing and reappearing under the dim sodium lights, I can that tell he expects this trip to be a major step in his already impressive story, and this time, for better or for worse, I’m along for the ride.

[moriiyun]

(sort of) first listen: day6's the book of us: negentropy - chaos swallowed up in love

i say sort of first listen because i've heard the first 3 songs on this album before, i just haven't heard the rest. and honestly, day6's music is so complex so this reaction definitely does not do it justice, so yea!!

also reminder these are just my opinions and takeaways pls don’t kill me thanks :D

everyday we fight

i heard this before but why am i noticing so many things now???? like the funky synth bit after the first chorus and the way the 2nd chorus transitions into the 1st part of the bridge wha,,,,,, and there are 2 sections of the bridge which are completely different and i was so baffled that i went backwards to hear it again because i couldn't believe it LMAO. only day6 things i guess. also dowoon is really doing the most on the drums because there is a lot of marching band snare stuff going on especially in the pre-chorus. that's interesting tho cos it's like a battle cry, the snare drum. plus at the end of the song there is a 'ding' which is like that sound when you win a boxing match and it's like 'everyday we fight' so day6 really said fight references this is genius i love this i think it's called wordsplaining?? idk

you make me

i've heard this so many times so now whatever is here is just me nitpicking LOL but seriously, there is so much detail in this there is so much to unpack geez. like first off structure wise there are so many music breaks it actually doesn't make sense but it does. idk. also the bridge literally goes straight from the 2nd chorus non stop and then we transition into a final chorus type thing (or is it a 2nd bridge?) and i have no idea what went on there but it is good. and the pre-chorus is like 2 lines long?? strange but it works so oh well who am i to complain. also on the instrumentation,,, there seems to be like 3 layers of drums, 1 is definitely an edm beat cos it's too fast to play so that's a synth thing, 1 is dowoon playing the legit actual drums during the chorus parts but the last one is strange. it's mostly used during the verses and pre-chorus, and in the background during the chorus. it sounds like a drum pad so not the actual drum kit but the black thing that works like a drum when u hit it, but during the chorus how do u play 2 drums??? like nani?? i suspect he plays drum pad during the verses and the chorus is just an edm synth track that they recorded before hand. either that or they used a loop machine thing for the drum pad sound. i really dunno cos there's no live stages so rip. if anyone asks why i pick up drums soundwise first when i learn guitar, i have no idea okay,, i just do lol. also can we give a shoutout for vocals for 5 seconds,, especially wonpil's falsetto-belt-falsetto in the bridge like damn. talent.

healer

okay i've heard this one before too and this song is. interesting. cos it made me realise that this album so far has basically been even of day's sound with fuller instrumentation. it's more synth than piano based and that's not bad, it's just new for day6 imo. this song is mostly interesting structure?? like the synth bit at the intro was funky and the verse dropping down into the pre-chorus before going up into the chorus just works?? idk. also i'm gonna take a moment to talk about the post-chorus because this is one of the most effective post-choruses i know. i'm not the biggest fan of post-chorus stuff cos it's kinda weird sometimes but this works idk. the synth melody that they play during that part is addicting and also for some reason very destabilising? like idk feels like i'm flying in the sky with peter pan or something. it works for me it sounds really nice. also once again the bridge is a strange one because it's basically a whole section of loud crowd-cheering type sounds and then 1 actual proper line and them BOOM chorus again. a bit like the bridge of shoot me except that bridge has 2 sections 1 cheering one actual singing. this doesn't really have that but somehow it works for the song. day6 are magic i don't make the rules. also can you imagine this in concert with an actual crowd T_T

only

what. WHAT. i haven't heard this one before and i kid you not my mouth was open for the whole song in SHOCK. remember when i said so far the album was very even of day style? well the intro of this song said SIKE and now i can't process SHIT. like what even happened???????? it all sounds good tho. this song is really calming and i will probably start registering it when i start listening to it more. but i'm just gonna talk about verse 2 for a second because ???????????????????????? im so shook someone sang in a low timbre and i was like ??? who this ?? and i was like oh maybe it's jae and i couldn't figure it out until the end of the verse TURNS OUT IT'S FREAKING BRIAN/YOUNG K WHAT EVEN THAT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND LIKE HIM ????????????? im so confused day6 vocal kings i guess. also the bridge...sungjin just kept climbing up and i was like wait his range isn't gonna make it to the end of the bridge but nO IT TRANSITIONS TO BRIAN SO SMOOTHLY AND ONCE AGAIN I AM BAFFLED HOW DO THEY DO THIS. many questions no answers. also outro bit was really nice and it led into a fadeout that i don't usually like but was expected for this song cos this song definitely needs a fadeout so yknow, it works. anywho good song still very baffled but good song. also last note i forgot about this but they were doing a lot of voice echoing like choir-esque bits and that was super cool.

above the clouds

first things first: the return of shaker, acoustic guitar and piano my beloved <3 like the sounds were so pretty and acoustic in the first verse i knew there was gonna be a drop somewhere but the drop came in a place i didn't expect and in a way i didn't anticipate - turns out it's the one melody i remember from the teasers and now it's gonna be stuck in my head forever because it's that good of a melody. i also didn't expect the drums to go that hard but they did and it works out so yknow what i can't complain. once again day6 are wordsmiths and musical geniuses because they started the song very softly with the sound of wind, as if you're flying in the sky cos 'above the clouds' but not only that they end with a similar windy sound and they also end similar to landed (by even of day) which is so poetic and ironic because landed = on the ground and this song is 'above the clouds' like seriously this is the biggest brain shit ever. the bridge has an ascending bit which is super cliche but idk this is one of those songs where you want them to follow the cliche melody??? idk but it worked for me and this might be one of my faves in the album so far.

one

this song ................... wack. it starts with an almost hip hop beat and i was like ??? but then it slowly layers more vocals and instrumentals and suddenly it sound like well, a day6 song. and i cannot explain how in love i am with the chorus, it feels like the rallying cry of the broken people, and it just reaches you in a very different way from the rest of the song and is completely different. also there is someone singing a lower harmony at certain parts of the verse and it is so LOW and i cannot figure out who sings it but it almost sounds like dowoon so like DOWOON MAYBE VOCALS???? idk but yea it is one interesting harmony because usually day6 layer upwards and not downwards, but this really adds depth, like so much of it and it works for that portion. also the bridge is super cool cos it starts right after the chorus but the drums cut out but then they come back in so you focus on that and then as it's building up it abruptly just stops. and the music cuts out for a good 3 counts and you're so confused and then suddenly mini drum solo !!!!!! and it makes you anticipate and look forward to the chorus that much more because it just stops and you're left wanting so much more, especially because it echoes off at the end and DOESN'T RESOLVE NICELY. it makes you feel like the song isn't done or is too short. overall it's an incredible song and it really is just that good aaaaaa

so let's love

woah. literally this song is so......idk anymore. it starts off super acoustic and just very mellow but it just suddenly cuts to what you think is the chorus but nO it's actually the pre-chorus so it feels like you false started and it's so mind boggling and suddenly instrument breaks everywhere and no proper second verse, we immediately get a pre-chorus and second chorus and then drum and electric guitar break ????? and then bridge which is CRAZY because we go from falsetto airy stuff to BELTING and suddenly it goes quiet and then INTENSIFIES WITH 2 LAYERS OF SINGING before quieting down and ending. and it really is such a fitting ending to the album because it encompasses the absolute chaos because there isn't a regular proper structure and yet it's beautiful and melodic and sings about soft things and it feels like a warm hug. basically 'chaos swallowed up in love' put into music. and it's so fitting and just works because this is just a day6 sound that is so. them. and it's what this album is all about, the strangeness of it all with something familiar, which is probably what makes it such a welcome listen.

edit

figured out why this song hits different: it’s desperate and sad as fk. hits you straight in the feels because it’s as if they’re yearning for something but it’s so out of reach that they just. stop. idk it really is just heart wrenching in every single way. someone compared it to ‘i need somebody’ but idk i feel like it’s same but different.

overall, day6 never disappoints and it's once again an epic album from them. this is my first ot5 comeback as a myday so this album is super special to me and to have such a beautiful tracklist is amazing. it's incredible what day6 do every single time, they are insanely good at what they do and i'm so glad that i have their music.