#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

hm

thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol

[amuyyi]

she wants me (to be loved) .

synopsis; you have always loved huh yunjin, but not in the way she loved you.

trope; huh yunjin x f!reader, angst, unrequited (?) love, bittersweet ending

wc; 4.6k

cw; idk like one cuss word LMAO

a/n; i swear im still in forever writers block but THIS FIC IS INSPIRED BY THE SHE WANTS ME TO BE LOVED WARRIOR CATS AMV ON YOUTUBE ITS ABOUT BLUEFUR AND THRUSHPELT PLEEEEK WATCH IT AND/OR LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING IM JUST SO ARRGGHHH also its almost 4 am i am half asleep i just realllyy wanted to finish this. also i used to be a theatre kid so.

You have always loved Huh Yunjin. But not in the way she loved you.

You recall very vividly the first day you met her.

It was the middle of freshman year of high school, and you had just moved into New York from out of state. Your father had just gotten a new job opportunity, and practically wasted no time packing all of your things to move in the middle of the school year. Perfect. New place, new faces, and definitely no friends. Everything an emotional teenage girl needed in a cruical stage of her development. All of the other students in your classes were nice enough, but everyone already had their established friend groups by now, and you simply didn't fit what they were looking for.

Despite the different environment, there was one thing that this school provided that provided some sort of familiarity.

Theater.

Back in middle school and for the brief semester you had in your old high school, you had always been a fan of the big stage. The music, the dramatics, the acting… It was all so whimsical and alluring to you. How could you not get involved?

(Okay, honestly.. You had gotten really into musical theater in middle school once you found a Hamilton animatic and it became your sole personality trait for a good two years or so–)

Unfortunately, you were too much of a coward to truly put yourself out there like the actors around you. High school insecurities and poor self esteem truly did take its toll on you back then. So instead, you settled for being part of the stage crew. 

You thought that getting involved with a club would make it easier for you to socialize and make friends. You could join a community. Yet somehow, it made everything all the more difficult.

Everybody seemed to already know each other and have their own established friends. On top of that, everyone also seemed to know who they hated as well. You would always overhear what other actors and techies would say about one another and it only just put you off from making friends even more. The whole environment was incredible… cliquey. 

Still, you had nothing else better to do, so you stayed. It was… Fine. You still had no real friends, but you did enjoy doing various tasks around the stage. Working with stage lights, helping prepare costumes, painting backdrops. It keeps you busy. It was routine.

It wasn’t an uncommon sight to walk in on actors practicing their lines or their songs backstage. Back home, you knew everyone involved within the production– including the actors. You would always compliment them and occasionally even provide help whenever you didn’t have your own techy jobs to fulfill. The main problem? This isn't home. Nobody here was your friend.

But when you found a pretty girl practicing for this semester's production of Phantom of The Opera in an empty hallway, you couldn't help but stop in your tracks and stare. You’ve never seen her before. Well, it's not like you bothered to pay much attention to the people around you anymore— but you feel like you wouldn't miss a face like hers.

She had the prettiest brown hair with highlights and the cutest beauty mark near the corner of her mouth. She was pacing around the hall, script in hand as she did various vocal exercises. The sound of her voice echoes off the walls, and it was just as angelic as she looked. 

“Prima Donna, your song shall live again…!” She sings out, her voice at a steady yet powerful vibrato throughout her verse. Her Bel Canto was skilled and practiced, and you can't help but wonder how long she’s been doing this for. Surely she’s overqualified for a simple high school production? You needed to hear more…

She moves her hands in elegant and dramatic forms as she immerses herself into the self-centered character of Carlotta. She played the roke perfectly, considering how most definitely had your attention now.

 “You took a snub, but theres a public who needs you, think of the cr—“

A loud thud rings throughout the hallway, startling the mystery opera singer as well as yourself. Shit. You look down and see the culprit. Well, it was you. you caused the interruption— but more specifically, it was a freshly decapitated mannequin head with a wig you were going to more securely attach to the top. It was a bit of a horrific sight, in all honesty.

Now that you think about it, this prop might actually be for her. Though you didn't have much time to ponder that thought considering the mysterious brown haired beauty has now caught you eavesdropping on her singing.

The head rolls across the tile floor and lands at her feet. You feel your face warm to what was most likely a bright tomato red as she picks it up by its shortened neck, the wig threatening to fall off as it dangles limply off of the top of its head.

“I'm assuming this is yours?” She smiles kindly at you, though a bit wary. Understandable, really. You would be wary of yourself too if you were in her shoes.

“Y-Yeah, sorry…” you nervously laugh, taking the head from her hands as you try to pat the wig back into place. 

“You sounded good, by the way!” You quickly stammer out, absentmindedly hugging the head to your chest, “Like… really good. Seriously.”

The mystery girl laughs at your flustered words, and she waves her hand dismissively. Her cheeks warm bashfully as she shakes her head.

“Thanks but… I have a lot to work on. My tones off, and I still need to memorize these lines by tomorrow…” she trails off, moving to press her back against the wall, sliding and sitting down on the floor.

Fiddling a bit with the mannequin head, you don't allow yourself to think too hard before you suddenly blurt out.

“I-I can help!”

You watch as her pretty brown eyes widen slightly, and

“Really? You sure you arent too busy?

You were actually quite busy, but she didnt have to know that.

“Of course not,” you lie confidently, sticking a hand out, “I’m y/n.”

She eyes your hand curiously, but ultimately shakes it, “Yunjin. Jennifer, if you’d like.”

From then on, you would spend every other day after school with Yunjin, helping her recite her lines, fitting her for costume changes, and even finishing that mannequin head prop for her.

Soon after, your after school hangouts turned into out of school hangouts and then eventual sleepovers every weekend. You learned everything possible about Yunjin. Like how she had always dreamed of being a performer, how she wanted to make it big in the Kpop industry, how she loves snakes…

Since then, you knew you loved her.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

On one seemingly normal spring afternoon, you were abruptly torn away from your sunkissed siesta with the sound of your door being kicked open.

With the growing bond between you and Yunjin, you made the mistake of giving the girl a spare key to your own home. (Oddly enough, your parents werent against the idea. They considered Yunjin like a second daughter.)

You whine out as she grasps at your half asleep form, shaking you aggressively.

“I got accepted into a company, y/n!! I'm gonna be a trainee!”

Eyes shooting open, you try to sit up through the aggressive grip Yunjin had on you.

“No kidding?” You croak out, looking at her with disbelief.

“I'm not!” She cheers, bouncing happily through your bedroom. Trying to match her energy through the grogginess, you slip out of bed, stumbling a bit as you tumble into her arms. Yunjin laughs at your state, wrapping her arms around your waist to keep you steady as she jumps excitedly.

“I’m  going to move back to Korea next month— this is so exciting!!” She squeals out, and your smile falters ever so slightly. Move? To Korea?

Still, you bite back the sickly feeling developing in your stomach as you squeal alongside her.

You were happy for her, and did nothing but support her all throughout her time in Korea. Called her every night after training, sent her pictures of school life without her, even voting for her in that odd survival show she participated in. You did anything and everything you could to be the best friend you could be.

Yunjin always had the stars in her eyes. But in yours? There was only ever her. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

The day that everything truly changed is still fresh in your mind.

After spending years chasing after Yunjin, it feels like you have finally caught up to her. She's back in the states after her time in Korea, and she's planning on staying. She looked a little different than before, but it was the same old Jennifer you knew and loved— even when missing a few moles and deeper eyebags.

Upon her arrival back home, it was like no time had passed. Once again attached at the hip, as it should be. You practically made it your job to crawl into her skin at any given moment and to pamper her with all of her favorite things. 

You would treat her to meals, spontaneous shopping sprees, and simple girls nights out. All of the good stuff to make up for lost time. Unfortunately, your attempts to keep your best friend happy came with their own obstacles. you would occasionally find advertisements or clips of idols that would show up during your time together, and for just a brief moment, you would see that usual spark within Yunjin’s eyes falter. It was a stark reminder of what she could have had.

It hurt you to see her get reminded of her time as a trainee. It truly was everything she wanted and more. But it was okay, you were here now, and you weren't planning on letting her go this time.

You’d drop any and everything for Yunjin. You allowed her to vent whenever she needed, to come over whenever she wanted, and to indulge in spontaneous late night meals whenever you two felt like it.

Needless to say, your wallet was crying by the time summer was nearing its end, but you didn’t mind at all. Yunjin was back. She was happy. You were happy. Things were finally returning to normal.

The two of you decide on a college to attend together in Boston, both pursuing a major in business. It's neither of your first choices in majors, but it's a good enough money maker in the long run. 

The pair of you sat in Yunjins bedroom, with you comfortably propped up against her bedframe on the floor whilst the brunette lay comfortably on the mattress. You hugged the  djungelskog plushie you had gifted Yunjin some birthday ago close to your chest as you atared at your phone, with Yunjin crunching away on cheez-its as the entire La La Land soundtrack softly plays from the record player in the corner of the room. 

Its nearly less than a month until move in day at Boston University, and you feel beyond giddy. Actual independence? And spending it with your best friend slash secret crush? Your dreams were coming true. Looking through your college dorms on the website, the pair of you converse about the future.

“What kind of theme do you think we should go for our dorm?” you ask, leaning your head against the bed to look up at Yunjin, who was still crunching away contentedly at her snacks.

“I'm not sure… But I do know I want to cover my wall with all of my posters…”

“Ooh! Yeah!! I can add fake flowers on the walls…”

“ Of course, we need a bit of girlish charm— oh! we need to make room for a record player and my guitar.”

“Google maps says there's a 7-eleven near the campus…” you murmur, your short attention prompting you to immediately shift to another topic.

“ Should we go got late night snack runs?”

“Duh.”

“Or maybe if we get tired of the dorm food, we can get equally as crappy convenience store food for instead–”

Suddenly, the music from Yunjin’s phone gets cut off, being replaced with her ringtone (it was Come Inside Of My Heart by IV of Spades ) as she huffs.

“ sorry, hold that thought..” She murmurs, answering the call.

You didn't know any Korean, the only bits you’re familiar with are the phrases Yunjin taught you to talk with her parents (which you also butchered) so you naturally begin to tune out whatever she begins to say on her end. Despite this though, you easily pick up on the shift in tone as she speaks. Professionalism, skepticism, to Shock. That was all you could read off of Yunjin as you looked up from your phone, curiously glancing at her. Her eyes were boggling out of her skull, and she placed a hand over her mouth before ending the call.

The brunette remains frozen in place, hand still over her mouth as a silence passes over the room.

“So….?” You ask, crawling up onto the bed to sit next to her.

Yunjin’s voice is shaky, yet laced with a twinge of excitement and disbelief as she speaks, “I just got a call from Hybe. I… I have the chance to debut.”

You don’t know what came over you at that moment. It felt like the world came collapsing down on you. Right now, you should be happy. Jumping for joy, focusing all on Yunjin and her chance for success. She's been given a real chance to make her dreams come true, even after it seemed impossible, even after all the years of rejection and work. This was all she wanted in life and more— you should be happy? Right?

But you’ve always been a selfish person. Or maybe you convinced yourself you were ever since that day. You don’t know. Maybe in that moment, you realized you could lose everything you’ve been waiting for. You’d lose the girl you've chased after for so many years now. If you didn't do something now, you wouldn’t have the chance to do it ever again. You were a greedy person, so you confess.

“Yunjin, I love you. I always have.”

The words feel like a slap to the face, and it shows. It shows in the way her eyes widen and smile falls. This was a bad idea, but you can't back out now. Your eyes begin to water as your voice cracks.

“I… I don’t want you to go— to leave me…” you choke out, “What about uni? Our dorm? What am I going to do without you?”

You knew you were being manipulative, you knew you were being selfish. But you didn’t care. You wanted her to know how you truly felt. You didn’t want her to leave you, not again. Your heart couldn’t handle it.

Through tears threatening to spill out, you can see her cheeks slowly dust a faint shade of pink as she processes your words. She seems… hesitant. Over what? You weren’t too sure. You weren’t too sure if you even wanted to know. 

The silence that washes over the two of you is beyond suffocating. You feel like you’re drowning, digging your nails into your palms as you look away. If you looked at her, you were scared you’d break, and the tears would begin to flow. After a few moments that feel like hours, she finally responds.

“I believe you have feelings for me…” she begins, voice soft yet strained. For some reason, those words leave a bad feeling in your gut. You muster up enough courage to meet her gaze. She looked just as hurt and conflicted as you felt. Yunjins grip on her phone tightens as she takes a deep breath, continuing, “...but I can’t give this up, y/n. It's my dream.”

That was the moment you knew you truly lost her.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

In another life, you and Yunjin would be at Boston University together, pursuing that business degree that neither of you want.

It's a dream that used to occasionally return to you when Yunjin was overseas. Every now and then, you’d wake up in a cold sweat, and you’d check Yunjins location. She’d still be in Seoul. It was okay though, because you knew she’d always come back. She always came back. Now it haunts you every other night.

The dream is always so incredibly vivid and real. You would wake up to Yunjins many alarms that she somehow manages to sleep through every single time, and you’d peel your eyes opened to your shared dorm room. Though you didn’t have much time to admire the beauty of it all through the sound of an alarm continuously dragging you out of your slumber. She’s always been a heavy sleeper. you’d have to jump on Yunjins sleeping form to even stir her into some form of consciousness.

Yunjin groaned in protest, but you knew her. She wasn’t truly bothered, not when it came to you. Instead of entertaining your futile attempts to wake her up, she would wrap her arm around your waist, dragging you down with her as you squeal out.

She's warm. Her brown bobbed hair has grown out by now, black roots peeking through the top of her head as you join the mess that is her bed (and hair.) She smells like vanilla and wood, and you can't help but laugh into her embrace. You’ll be late to the dining hall for breakfast, but it doesn't really matter. There was a 7-eleven nearby that could provide breakfast while the two of you rushed to your classes– in which you had meticulously planned to have almost every single class together.

After a long day of school, you would return back to your dorm both collapsing on your respective beds as exhaustion settles in. It was decorated just the way you two liked it. With both boy and girl band posters littering the walls alongside some fake vines, flowers, and a multitude of polaroids you two have accumulated over the years. 

Once the two of you move out of the dorms and graduate, you’d find an apartment to share. Dual income and no children, that was the way to live. Alongside a cat and a dog, of course. You’d have a black cat named Binx, and a golden retriever named Dug, something you two had discussed many times before. 

It’s beyond perfect. You lay on the couch, comfortably in Yunjins arms as a blanket is lazily draped over your forms. Binx is settled upon your lap as Dug takes up the space on the rug. The tv is playing Coraline— a staple movie for you two, and you'd smile. Yunjin would lovingly return the grin, leaning in to place a soft kiss on your lips.

And then you’d wake up, the grim reality of your situation compared to your dream sending tears flowing down your cheeks. You’re constantly reminded how Yunjin wasn't yours. Not in this lifetime. And it hurt more than anything else.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You’ve always been there for Yunjin, both before and after she became famous.

In High school, you of course supported her throughout your brief time in the drama club. But you also provided a shoulder to cry on, a free source of math homework answers, a friend.

When she moved back to Korea to become a trainee, you helped her through the rough patches. Hours of dance training, rigorous workouts, and unhealthy dieting took a toll on her. But you were always there through the phone, no matter the time. 

Even after her debut, you remained loyally by her side. Yunjin grew busier and more distant over the years, and it was understandable. You were busy too. With college, internships, and general “adulting,” it was a challenge to remain in contact. Still, when you two did find time to talk, Yunjin would tell you stories of her members, of the rumors and scandals that would plague the group. It hurt to see her hurting, especially knowing you couldn't be there for her like before. But you were glad to see her achieving all she wanted and more.

You hop into one of Yunjins late night livestreams (even if it was the morning for you.) It wasn’t like you couldn’t just call her whenever you wanted, but it was just another one of the little things you would do to continuously support your friend. Yunjin never made a scene whenever you popped in, but always made sure to look for your comments and read them out every single time.

“Sing something from Phantom or you’re lame?” She reads out, a soft laugh slipping past her lips as she does so.

The idol gives the camera a knowing look, one that only could be read by you, and you smile as she clears her throat. Phantom of the Opera is what brought you two together, after all. She spends a few minutes doing short vocal exercises to warm up her voice, and the sight is oddly nostalgic. Yunjin then sits up straight as she begins to sing, and you feel your heart twinge slightly at her song choice.

“Think of me,

Think of me fondly,

When we've said goodbye.

Remember me,

Once in a while,

Please promise me you'll try.” 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Now here you were, in a completely foreign country, placed in more than accommodating seats within the VIP section of this unfamiliar venue you’ve never even heard of before. There were hordes of men around you, all cheering in a deep voiced mass for the girls on stage. You stuck out like a sore thumb. Yet, there was Yunjin. You watch her, shining brightly on stage whilst donning a fresh head of bright orange hair. It suited her. Her fiery passion, her fierce determination that got her here in the first place, her glowing smile. It was all only a physical expression of who she was on the inside.

Yunjin had insisted on getting you these tickets– even going out of her way to even cover part of your plane ticket here despite you having a very stable and office job now. You tried to tell her you were happy enough to see her from the nosebleed seats in the back, especially since it was all you could afford on such short notice. But she refused, pulling some strings to give you the best seats possible. She wanted you here. More than anyone else.

You’ve seen Yunjin perform before. How could you not? You could vividly recall the way she would sing out and capture the entire crowd’s attention from the stage of your high school’s auditorium. How she would perform with such confidence and precision, how she performed like she was made for this. 

Things have changed a lot since then. There was no business college in your future together anymore. No planned dorms together. No more late night talks. No 7-eleven snack runs. Yet oddly enough, despite the changes, this was seemingly no different than before. Every person in the crowd was entranced, immediately allured by her natural charm and her passionate voice. You included. Just like those many years before, she still managed to have you bewitched on the sidelines while she chases after the spotlight.

So you cheer. Joining the roaring crowd as you call out Yunjins name, a bright smile playing on your lips as you do so. You’ve always been her biggest fan, after all. You swear you saw her make eye contact with you, seemingly providing her an energy boost as she sings out to the audience. She was beautiful, and she knew it.

Once the show is over, you find your way to the backstage area. You tried your best to explain to the security how you were friends with one of the members, and how she invited you back there. Unfortunately, your Korean was less than conversational, and you pretty much looked like an embarrassingly desperate and obsessive fan until Chaewon came and saved the day.

“y/n-nnie! Come, Come!! I saw you in the crowd!!” She chirps out sweetly, abruptly pushing past the guard and dragging you backstage, leaving the security both confused and a bit exhausted. This might not have been the first time the girls have tried to meet with their friends after performances.

There were people everywhere. Stage hands, stylists, makeup artists, and more, all rushing around you two and occasionally praising Chaewon. You felt beyond out of place, and probably looked the part too. Despite having Yunjin as a friend, you’ve never once felt like you were friends with a celebrity. She was simply your Jennifer, and that was more than enough. Being here though, you could truly see the extent of the impact she had on people. How so many people respected her and admired her.

Lost within your thoughts and observations of the crowd, you barely notice when Chaewon lets go of your arm, leaving you to fall victim to a bright orange mass stampeding your way. Without warning, you’re tackled into a hug by none other than Yunjin herself. You swear you see stars as the air gets forced out of your lungs.

“y/n!! You made it!!” She beams, giving you a firm squeeze pulling away to fully take in the sight of you. Her arms are still firmly wrapped around your form as her eyes almost sparkled with pure affection for you. Your cheeks warm at the contact, and you can't help but shyly avoid her gaze. Even after all of this time, she still has the same effect on you. After letting out a soft breath, she quietly murmurs, “I was singing for you, y’know.”

And your heart aches. Aches for what you two could have had. Aches for feelings she chooses not to reciprocate. You want to be angry with her. Despise her for leaving you behind and living this luxurious celebrity life. 

Yet your heart also swells. Swells with pure affection for the girl you love. The way she holds you, how she insists on having you attend, how sweetly she says your name. All of it makes you crumble all too easily. She truly cares for you, and never let the fame change that. You truly were lucky to have her.

“Really, now? You sure you weren't singing for the sea of men you forced me to sit with?” You laugh out, gently shoving her, “I swear I heard a guy say he ditched a family dinner to be there.”

Yunjin loudly laughs at your comment as she shakes her head, “How about you come over to our dorms to celebrate tonight, yeah? We’ll even let you pick a movie – or I’ll make them watch whatever you choose… Please?”

You were a bit hesitant. These were Yunjin’s friends. You didn’t want to intrude, especially after a crazy night like this. Yet, despite your reluctance, Yunjin stares down at you with those damn puppy eyes, and somehow manages to get Eunchae and Chaewon to join in…

“... Okay, fine,” you groan out, feigning disappointment as you see Yunjins eyes light up. “but we’re watching Coraline.”

The girls all cheer and pull you into a tight hug, with Yunjin holding onto you just a bit tighter than the others.

Huh Yunjin loves you. But not in the way you want. Yunjin wants you to be loved. 

And loved you are, even if it means she can't be yours.

[zukosdualdao]

so, this post was originally born from a post i saw a couple of months ago that was deriding people for criticizing katara’s main role in lok being a healer when that was never all she wanted to do but liking the scene where she heals zuko in sozin's comet. at the time i thought about responding directly and decided against it, but i have since scanned through transcripts of every instance (i could find; it's possible i could be missing something) of katara healing someone in the show and how they respond. (you know, like a normal and well-adjusted individual. lmao.)

anyway, aside from katara explicitly stating that she doesn’t only want to be a healer, another aspect of why people don’t like that this is how her story goes in lok is because of the way healing is treated in the atla narrative.

Katara: Aang, you're burned! Let me help you. [Katara heals the burn on Aang's arm.] Aang: Wow, that's good water. Sokka: When did you learn that? Katara: I guess I always knew. Sokka: [Sarcastically.] Oh ... Well then thanks for all the first aid over the years. Like when I fell into the greaseberry bramble. [Angrily.] Or that time I had two fishhooks in my thumb!

this comes, of course, after aang accidentally burns katara and she learns she can heal through her waterbending by healing her own hands. then (after comforting aang despite being the one who got hurt, not that i'm bitter), she heals aang after he gets burned in his fight with zhao. and like... there's not so much as a cursory thanks in this scene.

to be clear, because i can already hear some responses in my head and i am making a preemptive strike: i'm not saying that when other characters don't thank katara for her healing, they're like, the worst people ever for not doing so or there aren't other ways at different times where they show their appreciation. what i am saying is that it feels like this sets up a long pattern of katara's healing specifically being taken for granted, and it makes me especially uncomfortable when i see her healing as a sort of metaphorical parallel to the emotional labor often expected of her in the show, especially because this and being The Avatar's Girlfriend/Wife is more or less what she's relegated to in post-canon.

also, i have to note sokka's line here. i don't want to come down on him too hard for this, because it's obviously being written humorously (and does genuinely make me laugh, for what it's worth, if just for the inherent ridiculous nature of two fishhooks), but his sarcastically saying thanks for all the help over the years when katara says she always knew (which is supposed to be her saying it just somehow instinctively came to her) does feel like another mark in this pattern. but i also really read this as sokka trying to lighten the mood after a Difficult (TM) day, so i cut both him and the writers some slack for it.

Meanwhile, back at the Outer Wall, Katara attempts to heal a member of the Terra Team. General Sung: What's wrong with him? He doesn't look injured. Katara: His chi is blocked. [Stops healing.] Who did this to you?

i find it interesting that katara has sort of naturally fallen into a token team healer role, to the degree that we don't even see them ask for her help or her agree to it; it's just automatically assumed that she will. and i mean, on the one hand, it's fairly standard to have an Assumed Healer in a fantasy action setting like this, where people will get hurt in combat and therefore the narrative needs someone whose job is to help them. the problem for me is that the show kicked up such a fuss about how women shouldn't just be allowed to be healers, and yet it's still the role no one but katara ever fills. aang is also a waterbender! why couldn't she have taught him healing, too? i genuinely think it would have added a lot to the story, but katara is The Girl (TM), so healing is what she (and only she) does, what's expected of her, and again, with very rare thanks for it.

Katara stares open-mouthed at Jet, her hands hovering near her mouth in shock. Snapping out of it, she withdraws water from her water skin, with which she covers her hands, and it begins to glow as she kneels down next to him. Cut to a shot from over her shoulder, with Jet glancing at her while she rubs her hands over his chest in an attempt to heal him. After rubbing his chest three times, the glow fades, the water stains Jet's clothing, and Katara looks back over her shoulder toward the rest of the group. Katara: This isn't good. Smellerbee: You guys go and find Appa. We'll take care of Jet. Katara: We're not going to leave you. Longshot: There's no time. Just go. We'll take care of him. He's our leader. They stare at Longshot in surprise. Jet: Don't worry, Katara. I'll be fine. [Smiles a little.]

Cut to a closer shot of Katara placing Aang's body on Appa. Katara opens the vial around her neck and uses water healing on Aang's wounded back. The rest of Team Avatar, Kuei, and Bosco all look sadly and in anticipation. The glowing from the spirit water stops, and Katara starts crying, assuming that it was not enough to save Aang. Aang's tattoos glow for a second and Aang groans. Katara, overcome with joy that Aang is alive, looks at him, who smiles a little, and she holds him closer.

writing about these together because i have less to say about them. i'm definitely not going to fault jet for not thanking katara when she tries to heal him as he literally lay dying, or aang for not having the mind to do so after she brings him back. but i am still going to fault the narrative for putting her in a position where healing is just inherently expected from her and yet very rarely allowing her to feel the emotional toll of that or to feel constricted by it. and when she does struggle against the weight of it (not necessarily of being a healer, but of being expected to be kind and good and uncomplicated with no room for other aspects of her identity, which are very tangled up in why she is The Healer) in episodes like the runaway or in the southern raiders, she just... does not receive a lot of support from the people she should be most able to rely on.

Katara: Maybe we should go upstairs. [Helping Aang up.] You need a healing session. Back in Aang's room on the ship. Katara bends some water onto the scar left by Azula's lightning attack. Katara: Tell me where the pain feels most intense. Aang: Mmm, a little higher. Uhhh! Aang briefly flashes back to the battle at Old Ba Sing Se where he rose into the Avatar State, then back to reality. Aang: Wow, you're definitely in the right area there.

not much to say here, it's just another instance where it would have been so easy to slip one thank you in, and the writers just... do not. the reason i think it bothers me so much with aang specifically is because katara is supposed to be both aang's physical healer and his emotional crutch in a way that she's not written as being for, say, toph or sokka. he's sometimes shown appreciation for her emotional support, but he still comes to rely on and expect it in ways that do not always feel healthy, and knowing that, it bothers me that he shows even less appreciation for her healing, because it's just what katara is there for.

A figure resembling the Painted Lady glides over the water on a carpet of fog and enters the village. She steps into a hut where several people are sleeping on the floor, and bends over each of them in turn, healing them with a blue glow. Her last patient is the mother of the little boy seen earlier, her son sleeping at her side. He wakes as the Painted Lady turns to go and silently follows her out the door. Little boy: Thank you, Painted Lady.

this is a genuinely sweet scene in which katara does receive appreciation and genuine thanks for her healing, but i think it's also worth noting that katara is not being recognized as herself here. still, i am genuinely very glad that it's included in the episode because (again, unless i am missing something) it is the first time katara gets thanked for her healing.

The scene cuts to show Appa landing on the edge of the battlefield. Sokka and Katara help Hakoda onto the ground, and Katara starts trying to heal him. Katara: How does that feel, Dad? Hakoda: Ah, a little, better. I need, to get back to the troops. [Attempts to stand but is too weak to.] Ahh! Katara: You're hurt, badly. You can't fight anymore. Hakoda: Everyone's counting on me to lead this mission Katara, I won't let them down. [Attempts to stand again but can't.] Ahh! Sokka: Can't you heal him any faster?

they're in a high intensity situation, and sokka is Stressed because hakoda is supposed to lead the mission, so i, like, Get It, but "can't you heal him any faster?" does strike me as another moment in which katara's healing is being taken for granted. i think it's something that would bother me a lot less if this was an isolated incident in the writing, but *gestures vaguely at whole post*.

Sokka: [Brightening.] Dad! [Rising and approaching the two.] You're on your feet again. Hakoda: [Sitting down; somewhat weakly.] Thanks to your sister.

that being said, in the next hakoda and katara scene, there is this very sweet moment, where hakoda might not be thanking katara directly but is showing a lot of appreciation and admiration for her skill in healing (and though she's not in the dialogue i included, she's around to hear it, which makes me happy.)

Katara: It's gonna take a while for your feet to get better. [Stops healing.] I wish I could have worked on them sooner. Toph: Yeah, me too.

once again, i'm not gonna fault toph for wishing katara could have healed her feet sooner, because she's been in pain all night, but the writers could have very easily (as they could have in any of these scenes!) chosen to include a perfunctory 'thanks' here, and they just didn't. i know this is getting repetitive, but i swear it's because it's largely more me being mad at the writers than the characters, lmao.

there are also a couple of scenes in which katara doesn't heal anyone, but her healing gets brought up by aang.

Aang: He doesn't look sick. You okay, buddy? [Appa groans and Aang pulls out Appa's purple tongue.] His tongue is purple! That can't be good. Katara, can you heal him?

to be fair, aang asks here, and it's not like aang gets defensive or angry when katara says appa needs medicine (and also to be fair, appa's not even actually sick, lmao, katara's being slightly trickstery), but it's another instance where katara is automatically positioned as the person who is and should be responsible for healing.

Aang: [Chuckles.] Well, not over over. I mean there's always Katara and a little Spirit Water action, [Turns to Katara.] am I right? Katara: Actually, I used it all up after Azula shot you. Aang: [Disappointed.] Oh.

i actually don't mind this so much as a writing moment, as i think it's a lot more intentional wrt aang not always conceptualizing the reality of the violence he’s facing. still, it’s another instance of katara’s ability to heal and care for him being taken for granted, and i find it especially notable it’s in of the last significant moments they share together (the other being an argument as katara urges him not to run away from the reality of their situation with ozai) before they spend the rest of the finale separate until they’re kissing without a word at the end.

and then there is the zutara healing scene, where katara heals zuko after he interferes and takes azula’s lightning to the chest when she’s aiming for katara.

Cut to Katara as she rolls Zuko on to his back and begins healing him. Zuko opens his eyes, feeling the pain lessen, and smiles weakly at Katara, who smiles back as she sheds a tear.

Zuko: Thank you, Katara.

Katara: I think I'm the one who should be thanking you.

it seems fair to me to say that one of the reasons the motifs of healing in the zutara are dynamic are so appreciated by their fans is because of how it contrasts to a lot of moments where the work katara does with her healing is under-appreciated. for one thing, it happens as part of a mutual exchange—katara heals zuko after he gets hurt saving her. (this also somewhat calls back to their scenes together in the crystal caves in the tcod, where she offers to heal his scar after they are trapped together and zuko extends her empathy.) it’s based in reciprocity. it’s also, as shown here, one of the few moments of explicit, heartfelt appreciation and thanks given for katara’s healing.

[tocomplainfriend]

I am mad

Yup!

Bro shut up, she is white - being Latina is not a race, is an not the same as color skin. And she is a second generation immigrant too. So like... this isn't like a Salvadorian person doing a cartoon, is a daughter of Salvadorians... That grew in the USA. Being Latino doesn't mean you aren't white, you can be any race and Latino. Still wouldn't make up for the lack of representation or the existing racism. In the piece of media that's "diverse".

Salvadorian is not a race, LMAO. That's crazy- you think someone from Argentina who is white, is not white cause of their nationality??? Being Latino and having that culture does not equal a race. It's in itself a racist thing. This Latino = Race is terrible, It also comes from the idea of the "You are not Latino because you are not brown", assuming all people from Latino America are brown by default. You know how much has that happen to me? -AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE.

(I'm Latino btw)

I already have an older post about it, but - you can really see the lack of diversity in the show a lot. (Will talk about it even more other day).

Again the main thing you get is MEN, hypersexual skinny queer men (cis). You won't get to see female characters being well written, thought all the season 1 and all the episodes we got rn of season 2. All characters are skinny and similar body types and repetitive design choices. Funny enough, shows that lack of human characters still have better race-coding that helluva. (and well in hazbin you'll get POC characters that are gray, lack all ethic features... even when they are humanoid. So that is great.)

Bro you could, you imagine a character being black and having different textured hair, and you go to hell... AND EVEN THO YOU ARE HUMANOID- your hair became straight and spiky, and you are now a light gray? If you build a world like that... it just seems like the perfect racist excuse to delete ethic features out a POC character because you don't want to draw them. "Not going to a single hint of their race/culture unless it revolves on their death"... If the character became a fucking coin with dot eyes, maybe (not really, shows with no human/humanoid characters still are capable to race-code their characters). But all of these characters are humanoid- why do none of them have their different characteristics? Also, this is about a real person in the real world choosing how to design a character.

This tweet also implies that a black character when they were a life they had ethic features, but lose them when they go to hell. Which is even more fucking stupid.

If a white person with straight hair goes to hell, and their hair remains straight (assuming it has nothing to do with their death), why wouldn't there be black people with textured hair? This is dumb. This goes back to the fucking thing of "No black people in fantasy media", In the same way, it's stupid for fantasy stories to revolve around white people characteristics in fictional species and people in that world- not including all the rest of diverse human characteristics POC people have it's crazy. The biggest problem here is why the fuck all Viv's sinners characters (main characters designed by her) that are supposed to black (or mixed like Alastor) have 0 characteristic. THEY ARE HUMANOID, THEY AREN'T EVEN ABSTRACT OR AN ANIMAL OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. She didn't want to draw that nor change designs, and wanted to justify the whole concept of Alastor even using Voodou.

HOW ARE ALL THE ANGELS THAT VIV WANTS TO BE BLACK (black voice actors specified, or are race specified) HAVE NOTHING??? LIKE HELLO THE 'I'm such a nice angel character girl' HAS SPIKY STRAIGHT HAIR??? SHE IS AN ANGEL AND BLACK, WHY DIDN'T YOU DID HER HAIR TO BE CLOUDS- It's THE EASIEST SHIT YOU COULD’VE DONE.

BOOM! A FUCKING TROLL FROM A KIDS MOVIE WITH DIFFERENT HAIR. BOOM! THE FUNK TROLLS ARE SO EXPLICITLY BLACK CODED.

---

-

Bro, you know this whole thing of people with textured hair have to forcefully straighten their hair or wear wogs to a job... because people consider it ""Unprofessional"" cause racism? The erasure and discrimination of POC people and their features is a problem. That's why it is important to people represent all of those things:

(Marvel's Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur)

The only reason of why Alas tor is even mixed is purely cause Viv used the Voodou symbols because she thought they were creepy and edgy. It's sucks that all the angels and sinners that are supposed to be black have nothing.

[alwaysshallow]

how you get the girl

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x female reader

READ ON AO3

You spend Valentine's Day with your best friend, perfectly oblivious to his feelings to you. (3k)

A/N: an exchange gift for @tokusho!! hope you like it; Kyle is a sweetheart!! a sweetheart that loved you from the very start, it would be proper to say. I wouldn't be myself if I wouldn't include smut in it lmao

People love winter for multiple reasons.

First, school doesn't bug them that much. Sure, there’s always something to do, but it’s calmer around Christmas time and February, when all of the exams are over. Time for yourself, learning new hobbies or expanding current ones. Cute.

It's also the best to spend this time on travelling—around the world or near the area someone lives in. No matter where, it’s good to take a breath and visit your family or friends, too.

Or just to wander around your town, taking in nature and thinking about mundane things, far from the school, far from the boring reality someone is in. When you can just be amazed by the view right in front of you, thinking how small the world really is, how grateful you are to be here.

Secondly, it's a cozy season. You can get lost in watching those silly romcom movies, trying to bake something edible from the various cooking shows that are out here. Wanting to be at least half as good as Gordon Ramsay is, or to serve the best cake in the world. Everyone makes it so effortless, it’s only natural to want to try it too.

Does it work?

Well, based on your own experience, you're certainly better at it, but cinnamon rolls are by far the best thing you can make—mostly because it can't be too sweet. And your main problem? Making things way too sweet. Not because you like it that way, not because you have someone who likes it that way, you just… Well, let's say, you like to skip the amount of things you have to add.

Everything is "on eye" and maybe it works with cooking, but certainly not baking.

All of those reasons could be your reasons why you would like winter. Could—because you have one that is way more important than baking or being alone.

Because this is the season when you see Kyle Garrick after months of being apart. You see his dumb smile whenever you open the door for him, how happy he is to be here. How he literally can’t wait to step into your house and be here for a couple of weeks since that’s how he uses his leave. Couple of days for other friends and catching around. The rest is for you.

Kyle is your friend from high school. Years spent together in the same classes, parties, he was—still is—a dear friend that had your back, and you had his, always, no matter how shitty the situation was.

Inseparable, that’s what you were. Attending the same practices, no matter if it was a football one, art classes or something else; you always were here for a good laugh, especially if you sucked at some activities.

Everyone around always saw you together. There were even a few rumors about you two dating, but it never came down to this, to being together despite years of flirting and a few innocent kisses, there and there. You two didn’t even talk about this, much to your dismay.

Maybe you would, if he didn’t leave for the military. Tough separation, leaving you on ice with no one to help you to get up and get your shit together because life doesn’t only depend on one boy that you’re hopelessly devoted to. Took a couple of months, but you eventually got used to it—being with him for a couple of days or weeks to see him leaving for another couple of months. Weeks.

You sometimes wonder if he has someone out there. Waiting there for him in the military, even if it’s forbidden at some point. Or, maybe he has some medic that always patches him up after the missions, a small smile at her lips, keeping his secrets. Keeping his bed warm, making the whole thing easier because she’s always gonna be around. No matter what.

“—and he’s just a moron.”

But maybe if he did have someone, he wouldn’t spend Valentine’s Day with you.

You look up at him, a confused look on your face, but you manage to give him a smile. He probably talks about the movie that you two are watching; a classic romcom, Love Actually, but you’re not sure. You got too lost in your thoughts to know who he is calling a moron and give it more than a second of your thinking.

He seems to know that. An arch of his eyebrows exposes him, appearing when he always thinks of something a little too much. Military habit, he once explained, but it makes you chuckle every time.

“Who’s a moron?” you ask, deciding not to act dumb—it wouldn’t work in front of him. Not when he knows the pattern of your thoughts, not when you two know each other inside out.

“Him. I would give up on a girl that’s taken, sure, especially if she’s nothing but eye candy. A stupid desire that would end the friendship. But he literally filmed her through the entire wedding,” he mutters, his fingers curling slowly the ends of your hair. He repeats the action several times, even if he talks. You think it’s soothing him in some way. “She had to mean everything for him.”

“It’s about the art of letting go. She was in love with his best friend, it’s… not that simple.” You shrug; for some reason, Kyle barks a laugh at that. Startled, you punch him with your elbow and you take a little distance. “What? You don’t agree? Come on, you wouldn’t do it.”

“Well, ‘m not the one to do it normally, but if I’d be obsessed enough to keep my eyes only on her, I might as well give it a better chance before she gets married,” he huffs. If you didn’t know him like you do, you’d suspect that there's a bitterness somewhere in it, the way he says it. Mad, almost like it’s about him, and a single thought about it makes you sick in your stomach. “Wouldn’t you?”

You gulp. It feels like an interrogation, not a simple talk between two best friends about a romantic comedy that you just watched. There’s a hardness in his tone, demand for answer. “No. I’d put his happiness before mine. If he’s happy, if he has plans that don't involve me in some way, maybe that’s only right. Especially if it’s like this for some time right now.”

It’s not the confession itself, it’s not your feelings with your heart that you put on a silver platter for him to take, but it speaks. It screams, suffocated so many years under the water because you don’t want to ruin anything that’s between you two. Maybe it would be easier in high school, maybe before that prom where he went with Lizzie instead of you, but it didn’t happen.

So, in your mind, it’s something that needs to be buried deep. Six feet underground, where you could meet your feelings from time to time with all the memories that followed it. When you’d eventually move on, but it doesn’t happen.

A small ding in the kitchen rescues you from the fiasco that could happen with this conversation; suddenly, you have to check on your cookies and decorate them, as you always have. Year by year, something sweet; a recompensation for being single so many years in a row.

It doesn’t take much time to have Kyle looming over you like a vulture, curious what you have here. It doesn’t take much time for him to help you; clumsily, but he does a cute job with decorating, even if it’s way too much cream there and there. You have no heart to tell him that, though. And, it doesn’t take him much time to think that’s way too boring for now, so he should do something different.

Something different: dance with you, like he always has. An old song playing from his phone, one hand on your waist, while the other hand travels to make you move. He doesn’t talk (he never does when you two dance, not unless you’re gonna start doing that), he just looks at you. Chocolate brown eyes staring into yours, like they’re trying to see something in yours.

“Boyfriend material,” you could say; and you do, without realizing it at first—Kyle’s smile gives it away.

“I mean, can’t say no to that.” He grins, happy. You, right now, want to kill yourself in some way. “I’m pretty useful in many ways, if I have to say so myself. I mean, just think of how many times you’ve been impressed with me already.” He chuckles, turning you around and around with seemingly no problem. He’s always like this; charming, boyish. Making you fall right into the trap with his eyes, straight up from a fairytale.

He is, in fact, from a fairytale. Too perfect to be real and too perfect to be single, guys like him are always snatched from the public. Kept close the heart because every woman in the world deserves someone like him.

“Your ego could be tempered, though.” You poke his chest (ridiculously hard chest), while he laughs again.

“Always charming. You love my ego,” he points out. You might not agree out loud, but in your mind? Oh, hell yes. Not debatable.

You’d give everything to love him properly. To cherish him, to make him happy when he’s on leave with kisses, gifts, with taking him to your family so he’ll have a scrap of normal life. To wake up beside him in bed, arms sneaked around you with a dose of protectiveness that he always has, even if it’s not the romantic one like you want it to be.

“And you’re thinking way too much, pretty,” he chuckles, leaning over you even more. The size difference between you two is evident and big, encouraging him. Always had, especially when he knows how much of an impact he has like that. “Care to share?”

“Usual shit,” you answer, clearing your throat. Two beats of silence pass, when he sighs and turns you around one more time, pulling you closer to himself. Chest to chest, or—your head to his chest, to be exact. You have to look up at him to see his eyes. “Kyle—”

“—is it about that movie we watched? You love someone that you can’t have?” He shoots a question at you; unexpected, a swift bullet going right through you. Making you tremble, feeling like you’re not in a warm house, but in the busy, cold street in London in your underwear only.

“No, it’s—”

“—Because if so, why didn’t you tell me? I bet there’s a way—”

“—there’s no way, that’s the problem. That’s the problem because you’re funny, handsome and you probably have someone here, way more interesting than me, so I don’t understand why you are here right now. I don’t, I won’t…” You breathe. There’s a lot in you right now, way too much to unload it right now.

“You love me?”

The choice of words, so carefully avoided by you the whole time, dawns on you. Makes an unpleasant feeling in your stomach, the presence of thousands of butterflies informing you that, in fact, you do love him. Always had, even if you denied to use these specific words.

“Since high school.” It’s a quiet confession. Almost shy, but you look him straight in the eye when you say that, taking a step back when he takes a step forward.

“And why you… didn’t tell me sooner?”

“Wanted to. But when you took that girl to the prom, something…” You sigh. Taking a moment because for the first time, you need to be honest about your feelings. “I don’t know, something snapped. I thought it would ruin everything between us, I thought it’s not worth it to say that I want something more when you want someone else. And, after you got around the idea of being in the military—”

He steals the rest of the words with a kiss. Soft, indicating you don’t need to say more than you’ve already said because it’s all he needs to know, actually. It’s the first time he does it completely sober, not driven by alcohol, curiosity or some dare—it’s something that he wants to do, and you can feel it on your lips. The hot feeling of desire, when your hands travel under his t-shirt, where you didn’t have access earlier.

“Took her only because Jake said he’s going with you. I had no idea that he was lying,” he whispers out. Nervous, like he might spill some secret, while you just can’t keep yourself from smiling. “I wanted this,” he points at you and himself after another kiss, “since I’ve fuckin’ left. Got sick thinking of other bloody bastards that could—”

“Thinking too much?” you interrupt him, reminding him of his words from earlier. Words that, right now, seem even more appropriate given the situation between you two and how unimportant the past is.

Garrick huffs with disbelief, amused. “A fucking minx you are, y’know that?”

He doesn’t let you say anything in response, as his teeth clack against yours when he kisses you, hastily, like a man starved. Hands going around your waist just to transfer the two of you to your bedroom, decorated for Valentine's Day, unintentionally.

And maybe it makes sense, when you think of everything he has done for you, when he’s on top of you, placing a map of kisses on your body. Maybe it makes sense how he always brought you something on Valentine’s Day, making you feel special. Always saying that it’s a “commercial event” and nothing else, just a day, even if he always brought you flowers, teddybears and chocolates.

How he always spent it on doing your favorite things. Ice rink, going to a match, movies, it didn’t matter—what mattered was you. How he didn’t deny that you’re a couple when some strangers cooed that you two look absolutely perfect with each other. Only a big smile on his face, arm around you, protectively. Making sure that you’re here with him, not anywhere else.

He always keeps you close, even right now, insisting on holding hands when he fucks you, making you fall in love with the idea. Kyle moves slowly, like he wants to remember every inch of your body for the first time you’re so close with him, but it doesn’t last long. It doesn’t because it takes a couple of your moans and he goes mad crazy about the whole thing.

Between the sudden rough, fast pace of his thrusts, he talks a lot. You don’t get much of it, melted into a puddle of your own thoughts; you wanted it so bad. Fantasized, touched yourself to the thought of him to have him right here, right now, and now he’s rutting into you like a maniac. Spreading you open like it’s not even a challenge for him, which makes it easy to ignore the first pain of his cock in you.

When one of his hands circles around your throat (one hand still holding yours, fingers intertwined, like he insisted on doing), you pay more attention to his words, even if they’re incoherent. Messy, he lets every thought flow out of his mind, no matter if they have end or not, no matter if he said something similar or not. You are the one thing that entangles them, even if his words make you feel more and more weak in your knees. How good you are for him, how he’s not gonna give this pussy to anyone, how much your body will make him lose his shit.

He makes the whole thing way more intimate than it already is, luring you into the endless pleasure with him, when he leaves hickeys on your skin, a mark that he was here. Making you depend on him, intoxicating like a couple of colorful drinks, always making you dizzy, but nonetheless, you always want more, until you’re gonna see stars.

And that’s what you see with Kyle Garrick. It doesn’t even feel real, until your fingernails scratch his bare back and your fingers from the other hand tighten around his. Your legs are weak for him, your whole body is.

You feel it twice as hard when he comes too, babbling the whole time about you being the only woman in his life and marrying you. In a bliss, you only smile, kissing his forehead a couple of times, when he hugs you tight, like he doesn’t want you to leave the bed.

Not like you planned to do it anyway.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he murmurs against your shoulder, moving a little; you feel how his cum leaks from you. His softened cock still in you, as Garrick apparently doesn’t feel like pulling it out.

“The best Valentine’s Day,” you correct him with a lazy smile on your face. Content, for the first time in the while.

Garrick nods, slowly. “Yeah. Ended up in having sex, so—”

“—you’re the worst,” you laugh, shaking your head. Kyle seems almost scared for a moment, but when he sees that you’re genuinely laughing, he breathes out. “Only because of that? Not because your best friend basically confessed her feelings to you?”

“That too. Obvious option.” He grins, while you smack him with amusement. Kyle bites your shoulder, leaving another mark, while his other hand ruffles your hair.

You groan. “You’re gonna explain it tomorrow to my parents. All those hickeys and bites, young man.”

“You think they’re gonna be mad? Gonna tell them we’re together and they will ask about children,” he laughs; and he’s completely right about it, though. Your parents were cheering for you two from the start, they probably still do. “Anyway, we should order something. I don’t feel like cooking when I have you in bed.”

You huff, amused. “Romantic.”

“Very,” he snides, pulling you closer. His hand travels south, fingers circling near your clit. “Delivery will take some time, so we have to… make use of the time. You tired yet?”

“No, but—”

“—Fantastic.”

[markantonys]

episode 5 thoughts!

heartbroken by no mat, but i was expecting it since min wasn't credited for this episode on imdb, and there was so much other amazing stuff going on, so i can cope. i do think they must be gearing up for a mat-heavy episode soon because his content has been so sparse thus far! we also didn't have lan this episode, which i'm good with since he got so much last week.

(minor imdb casting spoiler: ayoola isn't listed for ep6, so i'm guessing we may have no perrin next week. they definitely do have a lot of different groups to juggle! but IF mat & lan soon join the cairhien crew, we could condense things)

also sad at not much elayne, but again, the remaining episodes will probably be pretty big for her! same with egwene, that storyline didn't progress as fast as i'd thought it would in this episode, but OOF the preview for next week looks like A Lot!!

back to the beginning! falme looks SO COOL!!! and the opening scene with the seanchan was fantastic, it showed off so many different aspects of their culture in just a few minutes (namely their various Ceremonial Things and ideas of who's allowed to speak to whom)

lanfear just whispering "bitch" the second she revives killed me djkfjg what an icon. and we get confirmation that it is indeed the True Power that she used to revive herself.

Lanfear Unleashed is SO much fun oh my god, i love seeing her in full forsaken mode

moiraine telling rand that he can't sleep because lanfear will get him, girl don't tell him that he's going to internalize it and not sleep for the next 6 seasons. this season is really Wheel Of Time Origins: Rand's Various Emotional, Mental, and Physical Health Problems

elyas saying the ef5 aren't perrin's pack HOW DARE!!! i feel like they're making elyas even more standoffish/human-averse than he was in the books, which makes for an interesting dynamic and contributes to perrin's sense that his human & wolf sides can't coexist.

but hopper follows perrin!!!! the goodest boy!!!!!

AVIENDHA IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE'S EVERYTHING!!!!! although ngl her fake accent does sound a bit Fake to me lmao but i'm sure i'll get used to it after a few more scenes

hot dain bornhald is also here! he kinda compels me and i'm furious about it. if whitecloak why hot? in all seriousness, i can see already from his intro episode + the basics of his book story that he has the potential to be quite an interesting character if fleshed out more and given more screentime compared to what he had in the books, sort of a liandrin-and-alanna-like Main Secondary Whitecloak for us to follow

also he totally wants to fuck perrin you can't change my mind. buying him drinks and giving him a Cute Nickname, boy you ain't subtle! and then aviendha briefly hits on perrin later and also perrin stops her from killing dain. wake up babe, insane new WOT polycule just dropped djkfjfg

OB!!!! FREAKING!!!! SESSED!!!!!!!! with verin's detective subplot!!!! it is SO much fun, it delivers a ton of great exposition (namely about the black ajah), and it gives us a bigger peek into the brown ajah than the books ever did. i love this squad!! also katie leung was probably my first Girl Crush (not that i was aware of it) when i was like 8 so i was thrilled to see her show up here, god bless

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT GAVE US CONFIRMATION THAT GAWYN EXISTS IN SHOWVERSE!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH when i tell you i came extremely close both to screaming and to falling off my bed!!!! i'd been hoping for a gawyn namedrop all season but having it here was SO unexpected! my current theory is that he'll be introduced in caemlyn next season along with elaida and galad, and all 3 of them will head to tar valon to look for elayne because they're worried after not hearing from her for a long time.

also now i want a fic where the wondergirls actually do get special permission from mommy morgase to leave the tower just so that they can attend gawyn's birthday party

anyway, someday gawyn and egwene are going to kiss with tongue onscreen and haters can die mad about it <3 oooh now i have a brand-new meetcute for them to look forward to since they didn't meet at the tower!

liandrin & nynaeve's convo in the ways was so good! they continue to do amazing work with that relationship and liandrin's character. AND WHEN SHE SUBTLY FREED THE GIRLS RIGHT BEFORE LEAVING HOLY SHIT i gasped!!!!! the LAYERS they have given this character!!! because yes she serves the dark BUT she still feels loyalty to her sisters (as seen in s1 too when she appeared genuinely upset over kerene's death) and can't stomach the thought of any of them, even the light-serving ones, being collared!

suroth saying with her whole chest "oh sure you're a forsaken but you're not even of the blood soooooo" god grant me her confidence. also another great illustration of the insane heights to which seanchan high blood take their superiority complexes. good god, what's tuon gonna be like?!

avi's fight scene was just as amazing as i'd been hoping and expecting!! 10/10 no notes. can't wait to see what she can do when she has weapons at her disposal!

and later avi tells us that she is out in the wetlands Looking For Her Man (that she doesn't yet know is Her Man) <33

moiraine saying "get rand some nice new clothes" and barthanes immediately offering to dress him, Sugar Baby Rand lives on! also, anvaere and barthanes definitely thought rand was moiraine's sugar baby after they cleared the warder possibility, you can't change my mind

also also, barthanes is so surprisingly sweet! i wonder if he'll still be a darkfriend, or if anvaere will be instead

lanfear making ishy dream about caressing rand's face in bed is something i will go insane thinking about every day until i die. like oh my god i don't even know where to START with unpacking that, so i won't even try djfkjg

like for real, they ALL BUT made it explicitly canon that ishy had/has a crush on LTT/rand LMAO it's what we deserve

and we get forsaken namedrops! moghedien, graendal, and "the boys." it could be that semirhage did still make it and lanfear just chose not to go on and on listing every single one (slash the writers wanted to give themselves some leeway in specifically naming forsaken in case they don't get enough seasons to deal with all of them), or it could be that one of the statues from last season was actually a man and/or stepin's statues aren't accurate, and we've got 5 men instead of 4 (in which case i'd imagine ishy, asmodean, sammael, demandred, and rahvin)

i'm gonna have to watch this ishy & lanfear scene again to pick up more because i was FAR too distracted by the initial homoeroticism to keep focusing lmao

aww i'm kinda sad not to get elayne & nynaeve hiding out in falme completely on their own, but for their sakes it's nice they've found (been found by) some Real Adults to help!

LANFEAR'S OUTFIT IN THE END SCENE LMAO this season really just went off the WALLS with horniness and kinkiness, and i am here for it. it's what rj would've wanted

now that moiraine and rand are indeed staying in cairhien after all, i really think we might get a cauthor reunion next episode!!!! fingers crossed!!!!

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

Anyway. How about I distract myself from my problems by reminding myself how people in the olden times had even worse problems? That will surely make me feel better.

***

Aww, and here I thought Gu Tingye's stepmom loved him.

I am too naive.

***

So, you know you are dying and you're still scheming against your brother.

My dude, why?? What do you get from it?

***

So, she's doing it for his own good?

I trust no one in this drama except the main leads. Guilty until proven innocent.

Also, two kids?? WHOSE KIDS??

***

Whomst?

She looks important and also evil.

***

LMAO 🤣🤣

And Qi Heng's stupid ass is still trying to drag Minglan, who has no means of protecting herself, into this mess. I can't stand him.

***

If he gets killed/beaten/expelled because Qi Heng is being a spoiled imbecile, I will rage.

***

Aww, he brought his old nanny over after all! 🤗

Suck on that, dad! I hope you drown in your bile.

***

God, I hate men 🙄

He's talking like children materialised from thin air and he was not an active participant in making them.

Honestly, I feel bad for Minglan. I know that all her choices are super bad but I'm feeling the ick here. This woman is (or at least was) his wife in every sense except legally. Not letting her and her kids starve and be sold of as slaves is the BASIC MINIMUM of human decency. Yes, I know that all the other men around him don't even meet the basic minimum, but he is not doing too great either.

Sorry, Gu Tingye, you are still better than Qi Heng and I really loved you as a teenager, but you are officially no longer on the list of my favourite male leads.

Xiao Qi reigns supreme.

***

Cackling 🤣🤣

I love the manservant! Merlin would be so proud!

***

Smh, they pulled these girls out of actual school for tea-brewing and incense appreciation classes 🤬🤬

Once again, I am super grateful to have been born in the modern times. All my college degrees may be useless, but at least I got to study.

With that said, only Minglan and Rulan are getting these useless classes? What about Molan? She was pulled from regular school too!

***

Yikes 😬

This looks brutal and will definitely scar.

***

Hell house.

***

BUT I WANT TO HEAR IT!

***

Charming people.

***

Wait, what? Did they kill this woman?

***

LMAOOOO

He just got into bed and went to sleep?

[c6jpg]

natlan 5.0 brain dump

i did this in a lot of small chunks so i already forgot all of my detailed thoughts so i'm gonna try to keep it brief

general environment/exploration:

first off music and scenery is 💯💯💯

i particularly like how much wildlife there is and i really love the saurian gameplay (for me its hydro > dendro >>>> geo)

i feel so awful every time i accidentally kill a capybara they should be immune like the rhinos

it makes sense that there isn't "one huge city" like the other nations since natlan is composed of tribes, and each tribe looks like it gets a decent amount of attention, but i was still kind of disappointed by how small the stadium of the sacred flame feels in comparison for being the "main" area. i feel like they could have done a lot more with it

archon quest:

tldr; it was... not good? or at least very underwhelming? especially coming off fontaine/sumeru which had incredibly strong opening acts

act 1 was particularly like. whatever. felt more like a kachina story quest that rolled right into a mualani (but npc-focused) story quest

like for how important the pilgrimage is it just felt so. underwhelming and anticlimatic. yes yes i know kachina is precious and everyone loves her but i wish we spent less time doing kachina support group and focused more on the pilgrimage itself like can we at LEAST see some of the other playable characters participating instead of just hearing about it in passing

literally was soooooooooo fucking annoyed with the entire atea plotline. i wrote a whole rant in my first write up but basically that entire arc only existed so that they could bring back the purification plot device which WE HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE MONDSTADT

i was just incredibly annoyed with how that was all handled lol atea is also just such a non-character how am i supposed to care about her. she didn't even die in the end!!!

also mualani's tribe's whole thing being super stereotypical hawaiian tourism left a really bad taste in my mouth i wanted to get out of there as fast as possible

act 2 was weird because like. i felt like they were saying a lot of things that were like "this is a serious national crisis" but it didn't... feel that way? and a lot of the lore itself was pretty glossed over

i think a problem with the natlan story is that you need the first acts to set up the stakes but we just spent the first act gallivanting around with kachina/mualani and then when they DID get to the "main problem" in act 2 it just info dumped so hard to the point that i. didn't care?

pacing in general just felt all over the place

the only investment they gave us is through caring about kachina and i guess hating the abyss/not wanting a nation to be destroyed on principle but idk. especially with the "nah we gotta wait for the last 2 heroes first" the stakes are Not there for me

reminded me of when nahida was like "yeah i needed you to figure this out for yourself bc if i told you directly your head would explode." but at least that one was fun/could just chalk it up to nahida being cheeky and didn't like. prolong the plot for too long

SHOW US DON'T TELL US DAMN IT. i might just have recency bias but i genuinely feel like natlan might be one of the worst cases of telling and not showing as far as archon quests are concerned

also capitano's appearance felt so random LMAO he really showed up, said some cryptic shit, got his ass beat, and then left. at least the cutscene was cool?

chasca girl i'm shaking crying throwing up somebody get that girl a full pair of pants and brown contacts PLEASE

i find it interesting how detailed/fleshed out chuychu (chasca's sister) is, both in terms of design and personality/character. it kind of felt like they originally intended for her to be playable but turned her into an NPC instead

also citlali is definitely some kind of faruzan situation where she's old but young looking

night kingdom was cool i guess nothing really to say here. i am very interested in the wayob lore though especially in regards to how it ties into the rest of teyvat/why natlan has particularly weak leylines

i feel like mavuika's younger sister might also become relevant in the future... in a bad way. like the insistence to not being forgotten/seeing mavuika again, the fact that mavuika doesn't "really" know what happened to her. also she also got a pretty unique npc model. or maybe she won't be brought up ever again idk

in general that whole reminiscence sequence with mavuika was like. fine but again you just info dumped the shit out of me i have no emotional attachment to feel anything about whats going on right now???

also we all know that was fucking ororon at the end with capitano like lmao come on. but im willing to bet both he + chasca are the last two heros bc like. who tf else do we have left LMAOOO

capitano was supposed to be cool but he's just giving goofy villain right now. sorry capitano fans they flopped so hard with him in this act

[a-tale-of-legends]

Okay took a shower, thought about it, here's some ideas for Red's mom ( Legendverse version)

Pallet town born and raised. Was childhood friends with Prof. Oaks son.

Grew up in a..... conservative? Family. In the sense of like. "boys will be boys" but not really expecting their daughter to do much + the kinda. Quiet part of expecting her to find a husband and become a housewife. Like they weren't. Opposed to her doing anything else ( Agatha was from pallet town from pokemas lore and thus I imagine she was an inspiration to all the young girls back then EDIT: Agatha isn't from pallet town I only checked recently. She isn't lol. I still think she was an inspiration to many, but sadly no, she wasn't from pallet town. I feel like pallet town would be a lot different if she was lol. ), but also like. Ya know. "boys will be boys, and girls will be what's expected of them". They were strict or stern in this idea, but it was just. Expected. Am I making sense?????? I dunno.

Anyway, Red's mom kinda just. Never really questioned it growing up bc she never really thought about what she wanted to do. She kinda felt like she couldn't do much? And was kinda fine just. Standing in the background I guess. She didn't get frustrated with this until she got older.

In getting frustrated with herself, she tried to branch out, do different jobs, get into different things but ...she genuinely did not know what she wanted to do. Genuinely. Nothing was bad per say, but nothing was calling to her either. She wanted to be this free bird, doing whatever, being like Miss Agatha but. Nothing.

At some point she, somehow, landed herself an office job in Siph Co. And she was good at it. Very good at it. Which was honestly a surprise to her.

And even so she felt. Stuck. Her job was good, very good, and it pays so well. She even got herself an "office boyfriend". But was she at a point where she felt free and secure in herself? Eeeeeeeeeeh.

Like her main problem was that she was never brave enough to really go All In. She would dip her toes in something before quickly going out and trying something else. Silph Co was arguably the longest she's been invested in something and it still never really made her feel accomplished. Even with her little office boyfriend!

She was honestly considering just going back to Pallet Town, find a husband and live a life that was pretty much expected from her from the jump....

Until she met a fisherman ( I really like the idea of Red's dad being a fisherman lmao)

I don't know how their love story pans out. I just know Red's dad was someone Red's mom really needed at the time ( she was too afraid and a tad bit envious to talk to Oak's son. He had his life figured out as is, and she didn't really want to bother him with her uncertainty). I think he was very gentle and patient with her, as she was to him, and would softly encourage her to go a little deeper in what she wanted to try. And that it was okay if she wasn't feeling said thing.

I think her arc is like. Acknowledging both her frustration in wanting to do more with herself but also acknowledging that there's some things that she just doesn't vibe with and shouldn't force herself to vibe with bc she wants to be this grandiose person. Like being secure and comfortable with herself is ultimately the main goal, and Red's dad really helped her with that.

And that's not to diminish her little adventures! She's very proud of herself for getting out of her comfort zone even if it wouldn't last long. She has a tattoo!! Never in her life did she think she'd get one,but she does! And she actually got into fishing :)

As for her like. Becoming a stay at home mom as of FRLG/ RBGY.....I don't think she's upset. If this happened to her younger self then yeah, she would have been so disappointed in herself, but now she sees it as her being happier and more secure than she ever was before. So I think, to her, things turned out alright. She looks back in her past with pride I think.

This is getting long but I want to touch upon one more thing: this woman knows death and grief. She knows it well. My hc is that both of Blue's parents died at some point, and chances are the same for her husband. And even before all that, I imagine her folks kicking the bucket somewhere in her early adult hood. And then, years later, her son runs away without a word and she's left to wonder if he's even alive. It's a truly scary thought. So yes, she knows grief. But she tries so hard to be optimistic. Hope for a better tomorrow. It can be very hard, but she does try.

Aaaaaand that's it. Shower thoughts are crazy man.

[msmargaretmurry]

would love to know which romance novels you’ve enjoyed!! i feel like we share a lot of “standards” so it would be pretty likely for me to enjoy anything you recommend.

p.s.: have you read any emily henry books? i feel like you might like those. <3

i have not read emily henry but i've heard pretty good things! i actually have a copy of beach read on my shelf that i am hoping to get to this summer. thank you for the recommendation! <3 will talk about some romance novels i've enjoyed under the cut. i am always accepting recs btw!!

my platonic ideal of a contemporary romance novel is evvie drake starts over by linda holmes. the setting feels real, the characters feel real and have real problems, the emotional stakes are proportionate and believable. bonus points for the portrayal of baseball and the main guy's relationship with baseball feeling normal and real. linda holmes's books (i also really enjoyed flying solo, tho not as much as evvie drake) are so character-driven that it almost feels like the romance arcs are secondary to the character arcs, which is ideal to me personally!!

i read a lot more historical romance than contemporary because i find it easier to get over the "that's not how that works!!" of it all in historicals, for reasons not worth elaborating on here. i tend to enjoy kj charles because she's very good at having a strong exteral plot in addition to strong characters! think of england is my fav of hers. for het historical romance i really liked courtney milan's brothers sinister series (esp. the countess conspiracy) and tessa dare's girl meets duke series (can't remember which one i liked best but i listened to them on audiobook at work and i do remember having to stop during a sex scene because i was like oh my god this is actually hot i can't listen to this at work LMAO). i have read every bridgerton and they're all a little dated and some are more mid than others but the francesca book, when he was wicked, is the best one imo.

i liked bringing down the duke by evie dunmore but i did not like the sequel so i haven't read more of hers 😅

it's not structured quite like a traditional romance novel but i really loved peter darling by austin chant, a gay trans peter pan retelling.

i do want to give a shoutout to a romance novel i did NOT think i would enjoy but wound up actually liking a lot, canadian boyfriend by jenny holiday. i was going to skip it because i don't like alternating first person pov but my coworker who loved it told me joshua jackson does the male pov chapters in the audiobook and i was like. fine i will listen to joshua jackson. and i had plenty of quibbles with the book (for one thing i thought the whole book could have been done without the central "fake canadian boyfriend" premise and might have been better for it, lol) but i was surprised by how moved i was by the male lead's complicated grief as a widower and i thought the hockey parts felt realistic and good. going in i was also like urgh ough hockey player/ballet dancer romance is gonna go so hard on the big strong man/tiny dainty woman of it all but it DIDN'T, and i thought the female lead's relationship with dance was nuanced and interesting. i don't think i could have read this book with my eyes due to the povs but the audiobook with alternating narrators worked nicely. and definitely not a perfect book (if i were to rate it on goodreads i'd probably do like a 3.5 rounded down?) but i liked it so much more than i expected to and i feel like i need to demonstrate that i am NOT a hater by default and i CAN be a generous reader when i think a book has earned it 😂

[gwaaaaar]

Black Butler racism (or just overall bigotry) is the funniest shit ever (no it isn't. It's awful) because. Black Butler somehow got better. And worse. Spoilers under the cut for Baldroys backstory btw.

Please try not to take this as an entirely anti-black butler sort of argument. I was thinking about this in passing and thought it was something worth discussing. So DON'T COME AT ME!!!

I'm gonna start off with the easiest and earliest examples of racism.

Soma and Agni-! Wow... so I'd argue in the beginning Soma was based off of, I wouldn't say harmless stereotypes, but stereotypes that weren't applied with malice. He's a prince with like. 26+ siblings so he never really had a chance for the throne.

The 26+ siblings is... an unfortunate common stereotype applied to brown people, more specifically muslim. Soma is from Bengal and depending on where, there could be a high muslim population. But Soma is hindu. Either way, it's not. Good. To portray brown people like this. Like having 20+ kids that is a bad look. Indians do have big families, I should know, but not to that extreme and it has weird implications. Also when Soma tells Mey Rin to strip because painting naked women is better... yikes

Here is the harmful part: his and Agni's worship of Ma Kali is treated as a joke. Like ohhh look at this scary demonic hindu goddess!!! Even sebastian is weirded out and he's a demon!!! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. :/

BUT. but. This. PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE SINOPHOBIA. Holy shitttt Lau... oh my god he is like a stereotype from mf Tintin. The opium den and the Chinese girl in skimpy clothing is crazy (and the implied incest??? What is ran mao to him again??? Theyre like siblings right???)... It really fucking sucks that the way hes portrayed almost implies that Chinese people wanted the opium crisis rather than you know. Having it pushed onto them by the British . I can be upset about Soma all I want but damn... maybe indian people did get the good end of the stick.

And, it's weird right? It's weird how one minority that normally isn't treated seriously can escape with relatively minor stereotyping compared to. TO THE SHIT TON OF OPIUM. Of course there's a lot of historical things going on, but wow the sinophobia is nuts.

I do think the main problem is somewhat classism. Victims are treated brutes for retaliating. Like that one miniarc where indian immigrants were tying up British nobles that visited India because they were angry that they were used and tossed aside and can't go back home. Soma, one of the few indians treated with sympathy, is a prince. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE WHAT THEY DID TO MINA... she was rightfully upset. The caste system is a terrible thing and she wanted to escape that, and she's the bitch? She isn't gentle to Soma, but she's in the right.

Black Butler has evolved as a story significantly since the beginning and when I say it's kind of gotten better I mean, the characters have evolved so much they can no longer rely on stereotypes. We have to take Soma and Agni seriously, they are no longer just some funny foreigners. LAU DOESN'T EVEN DO OPIUM ANYMORE AFAIK... that was like 50% of his personality and she got rid of it lmao.

edit: i lied he still does opium its just that isnt his personality anymore.

And that's a good thing! They shouldn't have been portrayed in such ways in the beginning. Stereotyping is just objectively shit writing. But also yeah shitty thing to do to minorities.

I think one of the most beautiful cultural references made later on is post Agni's death, when Soma has had enough and finally snaps. The panel that says "he has gone down the path of Maa Kali" is so poetic and my roman empire . It's a good reference back to the deity they worship, but instead of her being treated as something to ridicule or be scared of, it shows how Soma's personality, and background has lead him to who he is today. I think it's beautiful! I'm happy Soma is in the story because of that.

The same can be said about the slight transphobia with Grell in the beginning. NOW I know in the beginning, there wasn't a particular word for trans women or people in general so a word referring to effeminate/gay men or crossdressers was used. This isn't about that, language changes etc etc. Its moreso how she was portrayed as like, a sicko serial killer. Like yk, negative trans stereotypes. But over time she was recognized as a woman and gets to be her own character. Which is awesome! It's good that shes been viewed more postively over time.

Now... here's where things might be getting worse.

Baldroys backstory pisses me off. The idea that native americans were like ravaging his hometown and killed his innocent family. He even says something like how he knows their land got stolen so their reaction was probably justified but he doesn't care. It just. It just feels like siding with the colonizers you know? Like perpetuating these stereotypes to give people a reason to be "afraid". I know conflict was pretty rampant back then but there's just certain things people should be careful with when portraying... and I don't think Black Butler did a good job. I was really surprised to see that it was from a recent chapter bc it honestly read like something from the older ones.

AT LEAST we finally got a black grim reaper wooo mama

[sapphosdickandballs]

Hiiii~ I'm here to yapp about Jennifer's Body 😈

I'm still gonna rant with Cramity BUT it's true that you kinda got me messed up (in a good way) in the first place when we were talking about dollification and the relationship between horror content and horny content, lmao.

I don't want to give you spoilers, tho. So I'm gonna try to articulate my thoughts on the movie without actually talking about the movie. I hope I can keep it spoiler free!

Brace yourself, ig.

I've been thinking long about the movie almost in a whim. I don't know why exactly it clicked in my head the way it did, but what I do know is that I felt related to the themes and the main characters in the movie, both Needy and Jennifer. It was a fun watch, indeed, and oh Lord Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried. How I love these women.

The movie got some interesting themes, as I was saying, and I found myself smiling thinking about what could have been if, I don't know, if I got to watch the movie when I was 13 or something. You know, the peak of the angst. Probably I wouldn't care as much as I do now, but I can't shake the feeling that in some way this movie would have clicked, although slightly different, with that 13 years old me just as it is clicking now.

But why am I insisting on this ‘click’? Well, the keyword here is girlhood. In my opinion, the movie works with Needy as a character the viewer can relate to. It's a normal teenager girl, with a good boyfriend, and other people that care about her. But then we've got Jennifer. She is the dream, in some way. That stereotype of popular girl we all kind of tried to be at some point. And it got me caught up in the story, because Jennifer is quite messed up, you know? Besides what happens in the movie with all the succubus stuff, her life isn't completely perfect. Her popularity is wearing off, she feels lost, and she tries to keep it together, to keep the show going on. She starts to realize that she is not the It Girl, and she keeps on feeling more and more powerless till the things with the band I'm gonna skip because spoilers happen.

But all of this is girlhood. God, even her room felt like girlhood for me. That's what I wanted, you know? I don't know when I stopped desiring to be a girl, when it started to feel like a senseless dream... I got a phase in which I started to hate everything pink and femenine, and even after that phase was gone I found difficult to create a strong relationship with my femenine side. I didn't gave myself a chance to be girly, to enjoy that stuff, and now it's like I don't know “how to girl”. I don't know how to take care of my hair, or how to do my make up. I grew up tired and quite uncomfortable using skirts and dresses. Because in a way they felt wrong. They felt dangerous, even.

Girlhood felt like something I didn't want in my life. To grow up in my body, to have to play that fucked up hide and seek with my own identity, and to come to a sort of deal with the life I was supposed to live, based on what my parents wanted and what I felt like the goal at that time was (being perfect, basically).

I have been feeling powerless lately, I admit. Maybe because of that same girlhood that, in one hand, I denied myself and, in the other hand, was still mine in the eyes of everyone else (I don't know how to girl, but I'm still a girl, so there's that dichotomy. My girlhood has never been mine exactly, even when it's supposed to be a thing inherently mine). And this movie really got me thinking about this. About all this thing with my own identity and the sense of being powerless... When I watched it the first time I thought “this movie feels like a dream come true”, in the sense that the girl I'm projecting to, Needy, becomes someone powerful. And she fucked up everyone that messed with her. And that was cathartic.

I still feel like Jennifer's was both another teenager girl and also a metaphor of girlhood and it's problems, though. I can't stop thinking and ruminating her character... I haven't got a clear idea, so what I'm gonna say it's quite meh, but anyway. She is, in fact, just a girl like Needy, but she gets so caught up in this stereotype of what being a girl is that she ends up in such a position (mind you, this is the same stereotype I feared myself even subconsciously as I was growing up). She hides from the reality... She avoids it. Till the last minute, actually. And is almost a metaphor for that same stereotype and how dangerous it can be. It's quite tragic, and she is, in my opinion, a victim of that narrative she created (and the society created, too)...

Maybe I'm reaching, but I do find some power in her arc and I see in it all the things I already listed. She wasn't at her best before the conflict of the movie started. Then she got fucked up. And then she got powers that raised from that situation. Same powers that led to her doom. Man, it's so messed up...

The movie got me feeling so much about what I have lost, who I am and what I wanted to be when I was a kid. The movie really connected me with the girl I was. With what I wanted and dreamed about... while also connecting with present time me, and all the struggles I still have with being a girl and just exiting as a human being...

And I'm gonna leave this here for now, lmao. It's long and I'm sure I didn't say half the things I wanted to say, nor did I said what I said in a satisfactory way (I rambled too much, zero structure) neither. So yeah. Hope you enjoyed the brainrot.

Reading this with a bowl of popcorn

thank you for Brainroting in my inbox this was super interesting! It made me really wanna watch the movie I’ve only ever just watched clips of it (mostly Megan Fox covered in blood cause!!!)

But yeah this is a very interesting look into something I really don’t know much about, the concept of girlhood and being a girl in general and all the expectations. This is really fascinating. I feel like peoples brainrot/rants do more for me than like any promo. I’m gonna go do piracy try to obtain this in a super legal way 👍

[hatsunevitu]

did i mention i love kyman crossovers? i have come up with a kyman au that is a crossover with infinity train.

first of all if someone has no idea what infinity train is, that’s a cartoon about an odd train with an endless amount of cars in it. people get to this train suddenly, and they have a green flashing number on their hand, each is individual. it represents the main psychological trouble a person has. number can go up and down depending on how far a person is from solving the problem. the main aim of the train is to help ppl solve their trouble and make peace with themselves. (for example the main character of season 1 was a girl whose parents were divorced, and she blamed herself for that. she could only get off the train when she realised she’s not responsible for their decision and sometimes things change for the better)

so basically m4 + butters got to the train to the different cars each, but eventually they would find each other. i think first of all kyle found someone like butters or kenny, and cartman found stan. they would wander around through all those cars trying to understand the meaning of the numbers. when they finally all met up they saw that everyone’s numbers are different (butters has the biggest one and kenny has the least one) except for kyman because they share the same number. and it really pisses them off, because they have no idea why the hell they have something (anything) in common. so they’d start arguing and fighting AND THE NUMBER SUDDENLY WENT UP.

cartman: Aye! Are you copying me or what?

kyle: What are you talking about, Fata– oh! Your number! The same as mine…

cartman: Yeah, Kahl, that’s what I wanted to ask you about!

kyle: I have no idea why it is this way. Probably a coincidence?

cartman: What are the odds of this, huh?

kyle: I don’t know! And fuck off already, I’m already pretty sick of hearing you again.

cartman: You’re sick?? I’m the one who is forced to stay in a godforsaken closeted space with fucking Kyle!

kyle: Ughhh, it was much better to walk with Kenny, you fat fuck.

cartman: Yes, I also prefer Stan’s company muuuch better! …Wait.

kyle: Huh?

cartman: The number. It changed. It was 167 and now it’s 176!

kyle: …Mine too…

cartman: So they are connected.

kyle: I guess they are…

cartman: Oh, screw it, now my number is connected to the jew’s number! That’s not good, I swear it’s a bad luck…

kyle: Shut up already, would you?? I’m trying to think. You made our numbers go up.

cartman: Oh, so now it’s my fault?!

kyle: Whose else could it be?

cartman: My number was totally fine until I met you! I bet you did something to it and now because of your tricks I’ll never leave that train and never go home and that means I’ll never eat my goddamn KFC dinner my mother had promised me today.

kyle: Oh, so that’s the only thing that bothers you??

cartman: No, it actually bothers me a lot that I’m stuck here with you, of all people!!

(lmao btw the numbers are not random, 167 is a number of s16e7 “cartman finds love” and 176 is “ginger cow :D)

so they fight a lot and their number goes up and up, and then cartman does one small nice things for kyle and number goes a but down, so he realises the number depends on their friendship??? so he starts using it trying to act nice and good to kyle (not genuinely ofc)

cartman, opens the car’s door for kyle: After you, my dear friend.

kyle: What are you doing?

cartman: What? Just trying to help you, that’s all.

kyle: …You enter this one first.

cartman: What. Why?

kyle: I don’t trust you. It’s probably the most dangerous one and you just want to lock me there or something.

cartman: Why would I do that, Kahl?

kyle: Because you hate me.

cartman: That’s not true! It’s just friendly fighting, nothing more. Come on, Kyle, I’ll help you with that car! Hey, and did I mention you look sooo great today?

kyle, raising an eyebrow: The fuck are you talking about? What’s the catch? And why do you keep looking at your number?

cartman: Oh my GOD! Can’t I just be nice to you for a goddamn minute without you suspecting me of some delusional ideas, you fucking jew?!

kyle: I want to know why you’re nice, because I will never believe you’re genuine about that.

cartman: Oh, for fuck’s sake, just keep going!

and he realises it doesn’t work until it’s sincere.

so it takes them about two months to fix their friendship and be honest about it. that they don’t actually hate each other, that they have much more in common than they thought. and then they’re stuck at something like 10, for, um, two weeks. nothing they do can change their number no matter how nice and good they are to each other. the thing is the train wanted them to be honest to themselves, and they couldn’t do it without admitting they like each other more than friends :3

AND OH GOD PLS TELL ME IT DOESN’T SOUND DELUSIONAL AND CRINGE BECAUSE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT FOR LIKE THE WHOLE DAY.

[aliothbuzzsawshark]

Sevens (crack) Christmas special

During October, I wrote a round plan of a Sevens Christmas that takes place in between the timeskip (one year in, we’re 12 now)

I wanted to clean it up and post it for you all here! Be warned, this is very much a crack fic taken seriously and still in a planning format (and not beta read like everything I post)

I’ll draw for this later btw because the mental ideas are to funny not to

It’s Christmas Eve and Luke makes a Christmas wish for Yuga to come back after a year of tears and nothingness

It’s Christmas Day and the top story in the news is that Goha changed Christmas to Gohamas, meaning his Christmas wish meant nothing because Christmas isn’t a thing anymore

Luke, believing in the power of Christmas, gets his friends (the main seven minus Yuga) to help him change it back

They want to help because they also had Christmas wishes that now mean nothing

Romin wished to go see Princess G live on her Holiday tour and nobody can drive her (she asked Mimi but she wanted to have her off days spent to bond with her son)

Gakuto wished to have his family support his new Sogetsu style when he goes to his clan for Christmas and tells them about Gakuting

Roa wished to have Getta and Ushiro to stop being mad at nothing so they can just celebrate together

Nail wished for his job back at Goha, thinking that he could help improve the city.

Asana wished for R6 to have the best parts, letting her newly-unbankrupt company have a smooth reopening

They each meet with a Goha to help them with their problems and to explain Christmas to. (I’d be surprised if the Gohas knew what Christmas was)

Yuro helps Romin by giving her a ride while both talk about how both aren’t really used to the world (Romin didn’t do anything in the kitchen until she was 11 while sometimes acting overall naive of the world and Yuro lived in space)

Yuga helps Gakuto by explaining that even if you’ve done something considered but to them, family will still be there for you, no matter what Yuga happens to know a bout about being bad to the family and still getting loved, perfect.

Yuran helps Roa by observing and explaining how Roa hurt them. Yuran is a very blunt person, so Roa is in a predicament very hard to get out of. Due to Yuran’s bluntness, Roa can’t help but realize that he needs to apologize very quickly 

Yujin helps Nail by getting Nail the job, but also have Nail realize that to have a job that requires communication even with proper like Yujin that he finds too loud and excited that he needs to prepare himself for whatever this new job throws at him, providence and Sebastian along him.

Yuka helps Asana by getting the new parts while getting each other to bond about their company/corporation. During this Yuka also recognizes how Goha should really help with the Mutsuba Company and being the source of ruining them. (Also the girls stop wanting to bicker the entire conversation)

But Luke waits because, after hearing that Yuo did this, also learns that Yuo is in the North fucking Pole talking over the contract with Santa once more (Yuo really just thought Christmas was a small enough holiday to just replace the name of and not tell his siblings about)

When Yuo comes back with Santa, Luke immediately gets on his ass about it and, to get rid of the contract Yuo just so happens to have in his hand, eats the contract

Santa starts being uncharacteristically angry and, after convincing Yuo of the odd anger, he (after a long Scooby-doo like chase) accidentally takes off the mask of Santa Claus, revealing (Gasp!) Nanaho!

Nanaho explain her motive of just wanting to cause chaos and that “Santa isn’t even real! Did you idiot really think he was lmao!”

After it’s revealed that Santa isn’t real and couldn’t sign the contract, Yuo sadly removes Gohamas from everything.

He’s still pissed of at Luke for stealing and eating the contract though, and bitches to Luke about it until Luke explains himself

He tells Yuo that he just thought that maybe, if he could make his wish for Yuga count, that he has a chance of coming true and how Yuga is always above the consequences of eating a legal document

Yuo then quietly kicks Luke out of the office, going back home with his siblings, and, after having a small Christmas, goes to his room, looking at a certain friend before boxxing it up and sending it by drone to somebody

Luke has Christmas with his family normally until he sees a package at the door. He opens it to find YUGA! wait, it’s the puppet. Live sized near carbon copy of Luke’s best friend forever.

I guess he did get Yuga after all?

It cuts to Yuga. It’s Go Rush, he’s in his lab, and wishes each and every individual friend a merry Christmas and happy holidays

[mayday-jd]

holy shit this movie was amazing.

welcome back to me watching all the trolls movies in (almost) one sitting with breaks in between to process the colorful trip I'm on rn

TROLLS 2 WAS VERY GOOD

from the great writing in the world building, themes and characters, designs and sound of the other trolls and generally this movie being short but fun makes it a blast to watch

so I'd give it a 9/10 which makes this the best trolls movie out of the whole trilogy

now onto my thoughts

—————

• so first off let's talk about my main man branch

did ever mention how I love this guy?? 😊

but what I love most is him in this movie because wow this man is head over heels for poppy lmao

and ofc there's some other stuff but let's talk broppy for a bit

so I already watched trolls 3 so ik how branch and poppy's relationship looks like in the future but this movie is also an important step in their relationship because there's a massive problem here :

poppy does not listen to anybody.

"I've always been by your side since the moment I've met you" - poppy (trolls 3)

while that is true here it's more like branch goes along with wtv poppy's doing because he's absolutely smitten and so he ends up doing all the listen and bending to what poppy wants while she doesn't give back any of that to branch or anyone else around her

one of the turning points for branch in the movie is after they go to the funk kingdom but the seeds to that change are planted when hickory tells branch that he's doing all the listening not poppy

so they argue and get separated until they reunite at the end of the movie

but that's more for when I talk about poppy and oh boy do I have some things to say. . .

I also like that, contrary to poppy's kind of judgy reaction to the other trolls, branch is all for the music trolls' lifestyles and music

it's shown more in the dance battle between the kpop and the reggaeton trolls but there's also a comment he makes when he hears the sad country song at lonesome flats

"It's kind of sad, but life is sad sometimes. So, I kind of like it."

meanwhile poppy immediately thinks that the country trolls are miserable and don't know how to have fun

but again that's for when I get into poppy's turn 😒

which speaking of.....

• I wanna say that I am by no means a poppy hater

that said this girl has been on my NERVES for the majority of this movie (WHICH IS A GOOD THING!!)

so when poppy gets told about the other trolls' existence by her dad she's excited to get them all tgt cuz she thinks barb genuinely wants to unite all trolls and not yk assimilate them or anything

so she sets off on a journey to meet barb, give her the pop string and have a massive party with all the trolls

but really she's not doing this just because of that no no no

poppy's insecure about being a bad queen

and makes it everyone's problem.

because when her, branch and biggie make it to symphonyville, the land of the classical trolls, they're told and literally see the carnage left by barb, poppy's quest changes

now she wants to save everybody and stop barb from turning everyone into rock trolls

because that's what a good queen would do right?? she'd get rid of the problem entirely instead of going back home and protecting her ppl who are literally under her care because that would be giving. up. 🙂

so let's not listen to biggie or branch who are telling her this is a terrible idea because that's simply not what poppy wants to hear since they're against her totally awesome plan

now let's talk about my favorite section of the movie

[we-pay-for-everything]

I've watched all available episodes of Nancy Drew and am rewatching season 3 (can you tell I ship Nace), and here are some of my thoughts no one asked for:

The biggest plot twist was the reveal in season 3 or 4 that Nancy's mom hasn't even been dead for a year. It's fucking crazy how each season spans a few weeks?? You're telling me that in less of a year Nick and George fell in love, got engaged, and then broke up? And Nick's on his third relationship. Bess fell in love 3 times?? She loved the FBI agent, called Odette the love of her life and is now seriously in to the new girl? And how many boyfriends has Nancy had? Nick, Owen, Gil, Park, and soon Ace? Plus she had a thing with the other detective? And now Ace is the love of her life? Carson really started dating that cop as soon as his wife died and is now seriously dating someone else? He's probably still paying for his wife's funeral. Do normal people move on this fast? Also, in less than a year the gang decided they would die for each other, unquestioningly? Intense.

Season 2 was a mess. Season 1 was legit fucking scary and the plot was amazing. After season 1 the show felt completely new. Season 2 was the worst because they did a whole concept change with the case of the week format, which imo didn't work. The episodes were all dry and there was nothing driving the story forward. Seasons 3 and 4 are a mix of seasons 1 and 2, with the episodes having some continuity and still standing on their own.

Season 2 also had the issue of Odette. I hated that storyline. The actress honestly did a very poor job. I couldn't connect with her at all. Season 4 is way better so far.

It's fucking weird how it was an issue when underage George dated Ryan (ewww), but Nancy (or the show) doesn't apparently see a problem with three grown-ass men being into a teenage girl? She's so smart but doesn't think it's inappropriate for them to date her? Especially the cops??

I'm sure Nancy gets on everyone's nerves, but she really has the unfortunate main female lead syndrome. She's insufferable most of the time. She's always getting everyone in trouble, never listens, puts herself and her cases first. When Ace got in trouble and asked her to solve the chocolate box riddle, she literally ignored him while he still asked about her case and told her to be careful. Although he was scared and in danger, he didn't mind being told no and stopped to talk with her. The hilarious thing is that she later solved the riddle in like 2 seconds lmao. The show takes it too far. She's smart but her photographic memory is ridiculous.

To be fair, the characters were also unfair to Nancy when they blamed them for their death curses in season 2. They said it was her fault because she was selfish, but they literally insisted on going with her to call on the Aglaeca. She told them not to.

Bess's best love interest was Odette. I didn't like the actress's performance, but it was cute anyway, and that one kiss they shared was magical.

I started noticing something between Ace and Nancy in season 2, and now I ship them, but it's also weird seeing them together. They fell in love even when they were dating other people?

One of the best lines in the show was when George's grandma said something like "It's not a path if it goes nowhere. That's a hole in the ground." Made me laugh the two times I heard it.

I wish the show had stuck with the season 1 format.

I shipped Owen and Nancy and he's still my second favorite boyfriend of hers after Ace.

Nancy saying Ace isn't letting her move on in season 4 is absurd. How is her stopping her??? But the dude shouldn't have let the ferret go just because he got jealous. He went through all that trouble just to catch it.

I still don't fully understand why George and Nick broke up.

I love Ryan and Carson's dynamic, and their dynamic with Nancy. It's like found family, with a twist. Ryan is Nancy's biological dad but he literally just found out and Carson raised Nancy but she's not his biological daughter. It's also cute how Ace is tight with Carson. He was really nice to him.

After Nancy absorbed all the lust in the chastity dress, she later said it was refreshing to just feel desire, but that was so cheesy. I'm sorry, but when does she not allow herself to feel desire? That girl is not repressed in any way - only emotionally.

I'm not super fond of George either. My faves are Ace, Bess, Ryan and Carson. Nick and George's sisters are cute too.

I had other things I wanted to say but I can't remember them...

Also, if anyone wants to chat about Nancy Drew, my ask box and "DMs" are open!