#lightofraye on abuse

[lightofraye]

That's Not Strength

Note: I discuss/describe emotional and mental abuse noted here. Some people may not like me doing this or may not be aware that I talk about this. It does involve Jensen Ackles and my speculation about his marriage.

Some fans find this as... being anti Jensen. I am not. I am a strong supporter of his. You may disagree, which is fine.

Now to my post.

I hadn't had a chance to listen to the full gold panel. My life is busy and Sundays is usually my busiest with getting ready for the work week. (Which makes it sad, because I love watching the boys banter and answer questions.)

However, a follower made a point of a timestamp and I listened to it. And my heart dropped.

Jensen goes at length about how he engages some arguments and disengages from others. When he mentions reactionary, I can't help but wonder.

In an argument, you should never feel reactionary unless something is happening to trigger you. Defensive? Why is he feeling defensive? Unless Danneel is attacking him left and right and he's forced to not to bother to defend himself because he knows from past experience that she'll never back down and accept a loss in a fight.

What's noteworthy is his usage of "flight". He couldn't have said "Some arguments I just don't find worthwhile and I walk away". Flight is not a common term to use in a discussion, if at all, unless referencing fleeing an argument that is abusive.

The fact he had to call Danneel "a strong woman" is once again propping her up when she's demonstrated signs of being an emotional abuser, one who constantly puts down her husband, never praises him, and takes all the rewards for his hard work without having earned it herself.

There's a difference between deciding some arguments aren't worth it and conceding the other side, and deciding to flee/flight an argument because you know you'll never win.

Classic emotional abuser/victim.

It mirrored what I went through with my ex-husband. I knew there was zero point in having an argument with him and I'd just fawn, letting him win. Several others that I've spoken to after watching that answer also concur: that's not a normal/healthy dynamic.

He strokes Danneel's ego while putting himself down and reveals more than he realizes.

Starts at around 18:25 in the gold panel. Or use this post for the precise moment if it's easier.

[lightofraye]

I find your writing interesting. You go into depth about abuse, share personal tidbits, and seem to really want to learn more about the celebrities you're interested in. But why? Why abuse?

Hi anon!

Ohhh. The million dollar question. Given what I've written so far, I imagine folks think I could be informative on a number of topics. Single parenting, cats (I have way too many, haha), life in general...

So why abuse.

Because... the saying "Not my circus, not my monkeys" is wrongly applied here. Sure, what goes on in someone's bedroom is largely their business--until it becomes assault (sexual or others), forced, or so forth. Then it becomes our business, because when one person harms someone else, they often end up with a string of abuse behind them.

Same with those who are LGBTQ+. I don't give a fuck how they live as long as it's, to borrow a phrase from the BDSM community: safe, sane and consensual. Then they can live their lives however they want. It doesn't bother me.

Wanna be polyamory? Go for it. Wanna be a childless couple? Go for it. Be long term, committed without a marriage license? Okay! Want to practice some faith/religion that we've never heard of? Don't care, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else or yourself.

But abuse.... ah. That is our business. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has a right to safety. Every baby, every child, every teenager, every adult, everyone has a right to safety.

What does safety mean to me? Freedom from fear. Freedom from being harmed, regardless of the reason. Freedom to live. That means being aware of harmful techniques that many an abuser uses. Which means talking about it. Not talking about it only gives it power, gives the abuser power.

I've lived in fear my whole life, as a child fearful of my father's temper because he knew he couldn't hit my mother and get away with it--so he took it out on us. When she became aware of that, she stopped fighting him to keep us safe. When I was preyed upon by an adult while I was a preteen, I was lucky and nothing more damaging came from it. Then as an adult, being used by multiple partners--mostly emotional.

Then my ex-husband happened and my son.

That's when I realized it was up to me to save my son's life.

There are still far too few resources out there. Oh, we're talking more about it--but not enough. And too often we speak of physical or sexual abuse. What about the other kinds that we aren't aware of? Or didn't realize was abuse? Maybe they aren't legally recognized, but they're still recognized as abuse.

I want to talk about it. I want to educate. Give resources. Let people know they aren't the only ones out there. That someone believes them. That they aren't alone.

Thanks for the ask.

[lightofraye]

Abuse And Love?

I saw this on Pinterest and someone said "Yeah, they loved each other" and quite a few started arguing about "That isn't love, she abused him!" and so forth.

No. You can still love the person who abused you. It isn't 24/7, the abuse. At times, the abuser genuinely appears to love you, and it messes with one's perception, one's mind, and one's heart. We get confused, wonder if we're imagining the bad things or the good things. It's very gaslighty.

This is why it's hard to break the abusive relationship... because the love is there. It may be a corrupted version of love, but it's still love. You can love your abuser... even when they're hurting you.

Sam appeared to love Ruby, and somewhere, deep down, she probably loved him too. She turned her back on Sam to face Dean, thinking Sam wouldn't help Dean kill her. She was wrong.

It was love. It was abuse.

It's can be both.

[lightofraye]

Portrait Of A Woman

Yes, another version of this. Deal. 😆

I'm always changing and growing, revising my life and what I'm blogging about. I joke that I'm a gossip columnist (because I do refer to other celebrities besides Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles), but it's only to share my other interests.

So what are my interests? The purpose behind this blog?

Many things. I title it Ramblings Of A Writer for a reason. I write and boy, do I ramble!

I’ll also be redoing my masterlists to make it easier for folks to find certain posts. I won’t be redoing posts—no need to do that, but perhaps reposting information being redone. Like “Version 2 with new stuff” or better organized information and having those on the masterlists instead.

Let's begin with me:

Who am I?

My online nickname: Raye

Pronouns: She/her

Astrology: (Western) Pisces, (Eastern) Metal Monkey

Country: United States

I am anti (and I make no apologies):

Anti Danneel/Anti Elta

Anti Misha

Anti AAs

Anti Destiel

Anti Hellers

Anti Cockles

Anti Abuse

My ‘custom’ tags:

#Jensen Supportive (I believe I'm the originator)

#Music Choices by lightofraye

#lightofraye on abuse

I also frequently use #Jensen Concern, though I am not the originator (like I thought I was!).

What I’m reading:

Fictional: The Dresden Files, currently Battle Ground and Peace Talks

Non-fiction: The Body Keeps The Score

Where am I at with my writing:

BA Script: Judging by the math… 1/2 of the way through. Loving it! First draft!

Pre-plotting my horror/thriller

Vikings? VIKINGS!

So many more planned. Someone knock out my muse. 😅

What am I watching?

Burn Notice (finally getting the last season!)

Daredevil (again!)

Once Upon A Time

Supernatural (forever and ever, ahem)

The Good Place

A Discovery of Witches

About this blog:

I really, honest to gods, did not start this blog to be an anti. I know my anons would disagree with me and claim I always “hated” Danneel, but that just isn’t the truth. I came to Tumblr to find a new kind of social media as I was feeling soured by Facebook, disliked how Twitter had changed, escaped Livejournal years ago, not a fan of Reddit, and the “newer” social media sites weren’t my thing. Plus I’ve kept seeing hilarious screenshots from Tumblr on Facebook and decided to check it out!

I initially started by following pages about Supernatural, Sam and Dean Winchester, the actors Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. I did not go seeking anti-Danneel posts; they more or less fell into my lap. When I started reading a few posts, something clicked in my mind, explained why I was struggling with how I felt about her. I kept analyzing her behavior for a long while, what she said, and thought maybe something was being seen by fans that wasn’t being seen by me.

The explanations made sense. I felt I could breathe again. That’s when I remembered the least recognized method of abuse: emotional and mental. That fit Danneel to a T. Especially the more I looked into what she’s said and wrote over the years and saw how Jensen behaved around her in videos and photos. Even when they were supposedly trying to push the “happy couple” narrative, it just did not look true. Especially given Jensen’s talent as an actor! If he couldn’t even fake being happy or in love with her….

So I’m an Anti-Danneel. I’m also Anti-Misha for his behavior over the years, towards Jared, towards Jensen, the lies he’s peddled and keeps peddling. (For instance, no, Castiel would not have ‘fucked’ Dean upon pulling him out of Hell. No, CW was not being homophobic.)

I am absolutely very pro-Jared and pro-Jensen. I know, I know…. “But Raye, you’ve written posts criticizing Jensen! How can you be pro-Jensen??”

My answer is a variation of this: “Because I care! I am not blind to the flaws of either men! I am wildly concerned about Jensen, about what seems—to me—as excessive drinking, ‘empty’ eyes, unhappy and stressed smiles.”

For the vast majority of the AAs, it seems I’m not pro-Jensen if I don’t see him as flawless, a god upon the perfect pedestal, the Ken doll That breaks my heart. He is flawed. He is imperfect. I see more than just the pretty mask. I want to see and know the man. He isn’t just a beautiful trophy for us to ogle.

He’s caught in a rock and a hard place and I acknowledge that hard. It’s just only the negativity is seen and not the love and support. 😕

What can I tell you about me?

I could say so much. I’m the third child of a family of four kids, and the only daughter. (So that was fun.) I’m a gamer, read comics (still read a few, such as ElfQuest), got into reading fantasy books (Dragonlance’s War of the Lance was my first!), have a massive interest in psychology, in wanting to understand the human mind. I’m fluent in two languages—English and American Sign Language.

Ah, that last one might surprise some folks. No, I am not deaf—but my parents, two of my three brothers, and everyone on my mother’s side of the family are. I half-joke that my first language is ASL, not speaking with a voice. It’s not a joke though; it’s more or less accurate.

I’m a writer. I’m working on several screenplays, have plans for novels, dabble in poetry. I’m an amateur artist—have sketched with pencil and Photoshop. I haven’t done so in a while, but I love art. I do a lot under the creative umbrella, and most of it is as an amateur—photography, wishing to learn pottery, and so forth.

I’m a mother. I’m divorced (happily so, trust me). I have born children of my body and I have children of my heart. I have suffered loss deeply profound that I wish people would talk more about so we all realize we aren’t as alone as we fear.

I’m an advocate for better, stronger laws against abuse, of the protection and services for survivors. Largely because I’m a survivor, but also because I give a damn about people. I’ve experienced it all, starting from childhood to my (thankfully) now-ex-husband. I am hoping to start a series of reels explaining the red flags of abuse, how to recognize them, how to get out if you are in an abusive situation, and what organizations exist to contact for help (if any do exist). Keep an eye out for those when I start posting them!

A link to the ever-in-progress masterlist.

First masterlist, largely anti Danneel posts. (My first true anti Danneel post, highly recommend reading it. I am reworking it.) Second masterlist, more anti Danneel. Third masterlist, assorted posts. The links will be defunct due to changing my Tumblr name. So just switch out rrahuntersblog to lightofraye and it'll work. I'm reworking those too! Bear with me! My first About Me. My second About Me Redux.