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asagi-red-wolf · 2 years ago

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Headcanon: Stolas + Social Cues

Before I start, this is meant to be more of a HEADCANON than a THEORY- please don’t come into my inbox or onto this post to debunk it, I sincerely do not care, there are 100% completely valid reads on Stolas and concepts like willfull ignorance and even pushing his own agenda out of entitlement- I won’t argue with those reads, so please don’t argue with mine, it’s just my personal opinion as an autistic person with trouble reading social cues myself

The TL;DR is: I think most of Stolas’s Issues with how he interacts with people (primarily Blitz and Octavia, as those are his two most frequent, positive- atleast from Stolas’s side- interactions) is more to do with an inability to understand social cues than anything else

Part 1: Childhood Neglect

Children have to be around, ya' know, people, from a young age to develop social skills- and a big part of those social skills is the ability to read people, but we know for a fact that for the first ten years of his life, Stolas had never interacted with other children and had very scarce interaction with other adults, I don't think that changed until he was in his teens and was forced to be around Stella, but even if I'm wrong, those first ten years kinda sealed his fate anyway because most primary social skills (like reading people) are learned before the age of five- or atleast the primary functions are, nuance obviously comes later, so by the age of ten, Stolas was completely incapable of learning this skill without actively being taught, and we know he sure as hell didn't have that, so he's kinda just.... cooked....

Making matters much, much worse- what interactions he did have in childhood were all either cold, cruel, or both.. with one notable exception we’ll get to later

The butler seemed to be very “professional”...

...Yeah I’m not exactly getting a huge range of emotions from this fella to be honest....

Then you have Paimon, who seems to be mostly in a jovial state when he visits Stolas..... but that peppy mood is punctuated by cruelty, IE: “cease your bitch crying”, that wasn’t really said in anger- he didn’t seem frustrated or pissed off, just mildly annoyed but mostly still in a good mood, this would be a good example of mixed messages: Actions that contradict words or vice versa, for any child it might be hard to understand the idea of someone speaking to them calmly and within a relatively good mood but saying something mean and hurtfull, but to a child who doesn’t have the necessary skills to understand social cues, this becomes it’s own strange normal

Next is Stella, who I personally feel probably didn’t meet Stolas until they were teenagers, but it doesn’t really matter because either way, I don’t think it would have changed much- she’s cold, cruel, and vile from the beginning, Stolas is a very sensitive person with a very gentle disposition, no matter if he met her when he was ten or when he was sixteen, I think it’d be a shock to his system either way, and having to come to terms with the fact that this is the type of person who he’s going to have to have a marriage with had to have taken a big emotional toll, and it’s setting the stage VERY early in conditioning him into a victimized mindset- there is zero opportunity for him to get away from this abusive situation, all he can do is learn how to minimize the pain that comes out of it, and that in and of it’s self leads to having a very..... difficult time learning how to read people, on the good side of things, yes, you learn quickly how to avoid setting off your abuser (...unless ofcourse the abuser is emotionally sporadic) and can learn quickly how to tell when things are about to go from generally calm to “head for cover”.... but it also creates a skewed perception- ESPECIALLY for people who lack relationship experience- for reading people in future relationships, making one either overly cautious.... or attracted to red flags- wich is very clearly Stolas’s case (don’t think I didn’t notice the text that invited Blitz to “be mean to him” in what was VERY clearly an attempt at mediating a sour situation, this is not kink, this is absolutely and 100% a victimized person trying a Fawn Response to get out of more severe consequences- in alot of cases, people in abusive situations would rather suffer a shorter instance of having anger taken out on them (IE: being slapped in the face, screamed at, or berated) than to have their abuser (or anyone in their life for that matter) stay mad at them for an extended period of time (and to be VERY clear, before anyone comes for me, I’m not saying that Blitz is abusing Stolas by any stretch of the imagination, although I will touch on the language used again later, but Stolas’s ONLY mindset in a romantic relationship was specifically curated to be a victimized one, it is the ONLY guidepost he has, and he WILL, by nature, fall into the patterns he developed with Stella with anyone else he has a relationship with until that trauma is dealt with properly and he learns how to have other kinds of interactions with people and how to have a healthy relationship)

And that brings us to the only other childhood interaction that we know of- Blitz: ...And Blitz is confusing even for people who do have social experience, not as much when he was a kid, but still to some small degree, because Blitz, by nature, is rude, crass, and insulting, that can make it really hard to tell if he genuinely likes you or not- take Moxxie for instance, who we know he considers to be part of his family, who he VERY clearly has fondness and affection for (besides all the threeway comments, “Truth Seekers” makes this clear enough).... but he also is often at the butt of Blitz’s jokes, comments, and insults, for no apparent reason at that (we don’t see him treating Millie that way, although, that doesn’t mean that he’s never sharp or rude with her, he just seems to reserve the most of it for Moxxie) I think even people who have a good understanding of social cues would find him hard to figure out, so you take Stolas- who at this point has never had a truly positive interaction with literally anyone to our knowledge- suddenly being treated with atleast some kind of affection and comradary, and he’s just going to assume that ok, yes, this must be how people interact with eachother- he’s never been taught or shown any differently, his father actually has a very similar way of treating him to how Blitz does- he seems to be in a fine mood, isn’t shouting or displaying anger, but he’s casually insulting Stolas and belittling him, so when Stolas’s first ever freind says things like “Your books are boring”, and then proceeds to offer to play a game with him, Stolas’s veiws on this are probably going to skew alot less towards “That was rude” and alot more towards “Oh, this is just how people treat eachother” or at the very least “This is just how people treat me”- and this seems like such small potatoes but the sheer lack of any other interactions Stolas has with people makes every single word important to him and how he develops social skills- and when he’s already leaning into a victimized mindset, this is only going to help it along it’s path

Part 2: The Love Bomb

So Stolas, we can probably deduce, doesn’t have alot of luck with meeting people in adulthood who are, you know, decent to him, if the fact that he’s sidelined at his own party gives any indication, I feel like it’s VERY safe to assume- if not just stating an explicit fact- that Stolas hasn’t had any new positive interactions since that initial playdate with Blitz

So imagine if you will, this scenario:

Blitz is the first person to show Stolas not just any form of freindship, but any form of positive attention at all (excluding Via but we’ll get there), then after over a decade of this still being true, he sneaks into Stolas’s house and within ten minutes of seeing Stolas again, indicates VERY clearly that he wants to sleep with Stolas- who I guarantee, despite living in the Lust ring, does not have any grasp on the concept that wanting to sleep with someone does not automatically mean you have feelings for them, as having feelings for someone- or atleast liking them- seems to be a vital part of Stolas’s own attraction to people and ability to want to sleep with them (we know he doesn’t want to sleep with Stella, per the fact that she proudly admits to essentially assaulting him, and I’m not convinced that his lack of interest in her is entirely due to his sexuality- I personally headcanon that he’s gay, but that isn’t explicitly stated to be true anywhere, and he could easily be bi, pan, or even on the ace spectrum- wich I would not be remotely surprised about, by the way, as a demi person myself- and even if he IS gay, that doesn’t mean he’s automatically incapable of sleeping with a woman or having some enthusiasm to do so- ask a small crowd of gay men and I’ll bet anything that atleast one or two have had genuinely positive sexual interactions with women, especially if they were closeted for an extended period of time)- then after several rounds of sex and Blitz sleeping over, their next interaction is Stolas offering a monthly arrangement and Blitz, albeit with a lukewarm response that can be rightfully chalked up to him trying to avoid being murdered- agrees to it- wouldn’t your perception, until this point, be largely that Blitz still has some level of affinity for Stolas? If this is the only perspective we saw, it makes loads of sense

But this is where things start getting murky

After Blitz’s initial, brisk, agreement, interactions from Blitz’s end are LARGELY mixed in messaging- he’s sharp, cold, and often cruel with the way he speaks to Stolas, but he continues to come over and keep their arrangement anyway, at times initiating himself

or saying that he doesn’t mind when their monthly arrangement comes early

The show makes it VERY fucking clear that besides being extremely kinky (and having kinks that usually seem to line up with eachother quite well) they’re also switches-

(Credit)

Meaning that Blitz doesn’t just do all the giving, he also allows Stolas to top- this is clearly not just about Blitz getting to tie up a royal and feel empowered for once, and it clearly is involving more attention than just a quick bang for the book and running (and for context, the first screencap in this set is meant to indicate that Stolas topping is something Blitz is familiar enough with as a concept that he has to tell Stolas “no” in the beginning of their trip, I don’t think he’d be that cautious if Stolas had exclusively bottomed until this point)

At the same time Blitz also has many times (like the above in Loo Loo Land) when he makes it clear that he doesn’t want to engage in anything sexual, and Stolas has always respected that to atleast a physical degree (even if he often dirty talks and comes onto Blitz when Blitz clearly wishes he wouldn’t, he atleast knows not to do anything handsy when Blitz says “no”, wich is a low bar to step over but still)

But the problem is that Blitz’s attitude and how he responds to Stolas- outside of very clear “yes”es and very clear “no”s- is nearly always hostile, it’s only when Blitz is in a particularly good mood that he seems to be more mild in how he treats Stolas- and that’s often after sex, from what we’ve seen, or after Stolas has done something for Blitz (IE: saving him and I.M.P. in Truth Seekers), Blitz has “resting bitch attitude” to the extreme, his default state is a harsh disposition, and he’s also no stranger to making unwanted sexual advances himself (IE: rather constantly with the M&Ms) and/or being harsh with someone only to then turn around and give enthusiastic consent to sleep with them (IE: Chazz), it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he’s sent several of these mixed messages Stolas’s way on top of the ones we know he’s sending

It’s right back to the beginning of Stolas’s social life with Paimon: His demeanor says one thing but his words say another, when someone is being an asshole but doing it with a smile, are they actually being an asshole or are they just teasing? Some people can’t tell as easily- if at all

Making things worse, until Ozzie’s, there is never a moment when things clearly go on the ice with Blitz, Stolas’s progression of events goes from Blitz being openly affectionate straight into him being cold and hostile, there’s no break in between where Stolas would be able to stop and question if something went wrong, the transition is pretty seamless, because I highly doubt that he knew from the beginning Blitz’s initial seduction of him was disingenuous, Stolas was far too caught off guard for his enthusiasm to be planned- if we want to talk “Stolas Sings” lyrics, I would be willing to bet that that he didn’t start recognizing the “comfortable lie” until after he set up the deal with the book- wich may even be what he’s referring to in the first place, we assume that it’s about Blitz’s affection, but maybe it’s because he knows that he deceived Blitz into trying to force Blitz to spend time with him

The point of this section is simple: Blitz is an emotionally complicated person, and someone who has very little relationship experience isn’t going to have an easy time figuring those emotions out

Part 3: Octavia

For a quick break from the Stolitz Shit Show however, this section is pretty simple- Stolas can’t read Octavia either

The conversation about Loo Loo Land comes up alot, and although I do agree that some of his insistence on Loo Loo Land- despite her CLEAR disinterest in it- comes from the very classic parental problem of wanting to relive something from your child’s early years that made them happy- that now, ofcourse, they find too childish to enjoy- I also feel like he genuinely didn’t know exactly how disinterested in Loo Loo Land she was, I think in some ways he’s sort of written off her general demeanor as “She’s being a teenager”- that, or has internalized it

In many ways, Octavia is both the outlier to the pattern of people around him, and also falling exactly in step with the pattern as well

On the one hand she was the only person to ever show him consistent, enthusiastic, unconditional love and affection, this makes her the outlier to all of his other relationships, he may or may not chalk this up to a father/daughter bond, though I tend to believe he does given the emphasis he tries to place on being a doting dad, but it doesn’t really matter why- she just is

Or.... was.....

Because as of recent, I would assume since puberty hit- although we technically don’t know this for a fact- Octavia has slipped into the same disinterest of having Stolas around as everyone else around him- atleast on the surface

Like Paimon, Stella, and later Blitz, she tends to be cold to him, at times hurtfull (even though she very obviously doesn’t mean to be; IE: the band she’s listening to being called “Fuck You Dad” and making a point of telling him that), and rarely shows him any truly positive interactions (with Star Seekers being one of those noted exceptions) Stolas could group this in with the mentality that this is just how everyone treats him, but given how long he had Octavia’s very enthusiastic and unconditional joy at being around him, I tend to believe that he’s just chalking it up to her being a teenager- and, fair, that IS actually alot to do with it, so I’m willing to bet that he tends to see her.... less than thrilled attitude through a sort of lens that keeps that in mind, like rose colored glasses almost, keeping himself aware that she’s a teenager and is going to be grumpier than she used to be, but she has no reason not to still love him ....right?

The problem with that, obviously, is that it waters down everything she says and does, it allows him to- intentionally or unintentionally- read her cold response as more of a lukewarm response, essentially turning a “no” more into a “maybe”- wich obviously leads to quite alot of misunderstandings and Stolas trying to push things that he shouldn’t be pushing under the beleif that she still enjoys them, but just is in Grumpy Teenager Mode and isn’t going to express that enjoyment as openly as she used to

This doesn’t so much fit in with his usual trouble reading people as it is it’s own thing, but I think they fit together to create a more cohesive understanding of why exactly he has such a hard time understanding what seem to us to be very clear emotional indicators

Part 4: Conclusion

The thing is, we know Stolas is incredibly smart, so this isn’t just empty-headedness, and it isn’t always something that works in his benefit- IE: when he’s initially kidnapped by Striker and doesn’t seem to realize he’s really in any danger until Striker actually verbally indicates that he is-

(granted it was probably the evil laugh but still)

The fact that he didn’t process that he was really in any danger until this moment could come from him just depending on Blitz to save him until now.... but that doesn’t really work, as at his “Oh shit” moment, he still believes Blitz is on his way to save him- it took Striker CLEARLY indicating that he was confident in his ability to kill Stolas to convince Stolas that he may have a point, despite the fact that he’s been tied up with angelic rope and should have gleamed that much sooner

From my own experience as an autistic person, reading people is a nightmare, and I WAS socialized well and taught very good social skills from a mother who’s naturally very good at socializing, but I still can’t tell half the time when someone is joking with me, even if it’s clear to other people, still ask people- completely out of the blue to them- if they’re angry with me because I can’t tell the difference between someone being quiet and someone being mad, still have to outright ask half the time if someone is being sarcastic or literal, and even as of my early 20s, was so sure that (what I see NOW to be) a very clearly scripted interveiw with an actor was serious that I made a cringey Tumblr post begging people to let him sleep because I thought he was being woken up by his castmates every five minutes

I think this is one of those things neurotypical people often take for granted, but for austies and other neurodivergent people (or people like Stolas who suffered severe emotional neglect and abuse and didn’t exactly develop the way he should have) reading basic social cues can sometimes be like trying to put together a Rubiks Cube, and when you compound that issue with people who- for one reason or another, be it teenage angst or a snarky disposition or parental neglect- aren’t all that clear with their signals to begin with, you just end up with someone who’s pretty fucking confused all the time about their emotional place with the people around them

Again, there are other totally valid reads on this situation out there, this is just my own personal headcanon but then I headcanon both Blitz and Stolas as being autistic anyway because honestly have you met them?

#stolas #helluva boss #stolitz #ish #headcanon #is there a helluva positive tag?

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bigskydreaming · 1 year ago

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Re: Alfred, does he think of HIMSELF as family/parent? I find it interesting because it reminds me of nanny dynamics where the employers/rich family THINK they have a super intimate and “like family” relationship, but really they ignore/downplay the fact that it’s a job for the employee. Which isn’t to say that it isn’t inherently intimate to do that type of caregiving, but I wonder for Alfred if he always has to remind Bruce/Dick/himself that he’s collecting a paycheck at the end of the month.

It depends on the writer. Like he definitely HAS expressed - explicitly - that he sees himself as Dick's other parent, even to the point of making Dick the recipient of his own will, but I hesitate to play into that one too much as pretty much the only one to go to that level of explicitness was Taylor, A Known Panderer, and like. The sincerity/genuineness wasn't there for me. On the writing's part, not Alfred's.

But for the most part I DO fall on the side of Alfred does seem himself as family more than employee - I think there is a degree of, hmm, not wish fulfillment per se but willfullness perhaps, in writers writing the most famous employee in comics as part of the billionaire family rather than examine the optics of the very different positions Alfred operates from versus the members of the Wayne family. I think there are extenuating elements, such as the fact that Alfred was written from pretty early on as having been friends with Thomas Wayne to the extent that he was made the executor of Thomas' estate....so even as he raised Bruce, who was Thomas' actual heir, he had a great deal of control and influence over the Wayne resources rather than being subject to them as would be the case in most real world parallels....

So ultimately, I do think it would be disingenuous to look at what we have in the text in most cases and interpret it as Alfred having more distance from the family than the family has from him, and ultimately just perceiving his position as a job. What distance Alfred admittedly DOES put between himself and Bruce and his children has more to do with just his personality and his adherence to a certain degree of aloofness as a way of maintaining some control in the chaos of his life and the general....Waynes Being Waynes of it all.

His influence within the family is pretty much unmatched though, and you can see hallmarks of how he raised Bruce in how Bruce interacts with his own children, even as we can also see in a lot of instances how Alfred regrets elements of how he raised Bruce and so makes a point to be different with the kids. But I think both Bruce and Alfred have such complicated relationships with their honest emotions and each other that Alfred never figured out how to express to Bruce that he regretted how he raised him for fear it would come across as Alfred saying he regretted raising him, full stop.

Its interesting though - there have definitely been times when Bruce has leaned on Alfred's 'employee nature' to get him to back off when Bruce feels particularly threatened by points Alfred is making and the emotional influence they're both aware of him wielding over Bruce - which always made it a possibility that Bruce would cave on any of these points - so there have been various not awesome story beats where BRUCE is the one to express some idea that Alfred is just the help and should know his place.....but Alfred usually is written as only backing down there when he wants to. As in, there are times when all he has to do is raise an artfully British eyebrow to evoke to Bruce that he knows exactly what Bruce is doing there, and he is Not Impressed and simply will NOT be backing down, thanks ever so much.

But then there are other times when its like Alfred 'takes the hint' or whatever and does cede to Bruce's man of the house bullshit - BUT in almost all those cases, I would argue that its not because Alfred really fears repercussions of standing his ground with Bruce, its more that Bruce going this route enables Alfred to back down and not push things more than he wanted to begin with.....like I mentioned in that other post's tags, unfortunately we don't talk enough about how Alfred likes to pull the ripcord out of especially tenuous situations within the Wayne family dynamic. Because ultimately I think he's just not really comfortable picking a side other than the son he directly raised all on his own - the one who is pretty much solely a product of his own upbringing and his direct responsibility, whereas the kids are all majority raised by Bruce even if you see Alfred as a second parent to them - but at the same time, he's still keenly aware of when Bruce is in the wrong and not willing to back him on a lot of these moments either. So he takes the out, and in the process, enables Bruce in many of his worst moments even though ultimately I'd argue that's more about Alfred than it is about Bruce.

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shayshaybiscuit25 · 5 months ago

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🐟🐟🐟

Justice - On the surface seeks fairness but underneath uses the law/rules for manipulation and revenge. Believes the ends justify the means.

Six of Wands - Craves the validation of others but true motivation is ego, pride and vanity. Wants to feel better than others through praise and acknowledgment.

Ten of Cups - Presentation of happiness is important but inside fears true intimacy. Sabotages relationships before getting close to avoid vulnerability and disappointment.

Seven of Swords - Highly secretive, cunning and deceitful. Lies are second nature to avoid responsibility or punish those who have wronged them. Can't be trusted.

Six of Cups - Nursing old hurts and resentments. Holds grudges deeply and sees flaws in others, not themselves. Blames outside factors for inner turmoil.

Eight of Coins - Overworks and overachieves to prove their worth, but underneath is driven by anxiety and self-contempt. Nothing is ever good enough.

Page of Swords - Communicates harsh truths to tear others down. Criticizes openly but can't accept criticism. Lacks empathy and care for other's feelings.

Seven of Wands - Constantly feels under attack even when safe. Mistrusts all those around them. Defensive energy masks deep insecurity and terror of abandonment.

Three of Wands - Ambitious but entitled. Wants reward without paying dues. Will throw others under the bus or abandon loyal allies for personal gain.

Six of Swords - Tries leaving trouble behind but drama/conflict follow them. Avoid problems rather than resolve issues which builds resentment over time.

Nine of Coins - Could represent hedonism, excess, addiction or isolation depending on circumstances. Finds fulfillment through fleeting pleasures instead of genuine self-work.

Nine of Cups - Wish for an easy life leads down a path of overindulgence to cope with insecurity and past pain. Fears disappointment so settles.

Ace of Cups - Enormous passion and emotional potential but no tools for healthy expression. Outbursts directed outward to harm instead of inward for growth.

Four of Swords - Mental anguish and fatigue from avoiding deeper issues. Escapism through rest keeps shadow behaviors temporarily at bay instead of full integration.

Ace of Swords (Rev) - Chaotic mind swirls with festering worries and untreated traumas. Communication spreads more negativity than clarity or resolution.

The Fool (Rev) - Learns through making the same dire mistakes over and over. Impatient for consequences which reinforce feelings of being a victim of outside forces.

The Hermit (Rev) - No interest in self-reflection that could lead to accountability or change. Willfull ignorance of own shadow energies kept safely buried away.

Queen of Wands (Rev) - Anger issues used to disguise softer emotions like fear, hurt and sadness. Controlling mask meant to dictate others so chaos within can't be seen.

Five of Wands (Rev) - Presents calm while turmoil rages under the surface. Conflict addressed comes out sideways or passive aggressively. True problems never properly confronted for resolution.

What's this for?

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dojae-huh · 1 year ago

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huh nim, I think I knw that anon who said dotae and neos r just coworkers...haha....I have seen a lot like them in tl these past days...especially when ty got into that stupid scandal.like they got a license to make him out of the frame...u knw I am also a jaedoist that I believe in them nd dont even try to ship them....but i really hate some of the jaedo shippers who just cant accept the bond between dy or jh with other neos...that really sucks ...i will just explain it with dotae....just like jaedo , taedo are equally was together, for the past 11 years..nd I believe their bond that they showing on or off camera was 100 % true but i am a jaedoist but why would i support them ?..look at shalala promotion there was not a single ty clip where he didnt mentioned dy...if anything related memebers there comes doyoung...dy too...he was the most excited one for his bestfriend solo...ofcrs there is still some fights nd talks between them but that's inevitable in a friendship.. .how much nd how long could they pretend like they r bestfriends for the fans? U can see they r being vulnerable with each other especially when they r emotional ..nd there is only 2 possibilities for those who denies it like that anon... either u r pretending not to knw what their bond is or u just cant really see it...then I am really wondering how did they believe jaedo is real then? That they r a family? R they going to define it with Jae's heart eyes nd dy adoring jh? When dy nd ty both showed their closeness in these all years? Thats what making me confused...they could understand jaedo but no dotae? Is it hard to accept their relationship even tho it is platonic ? If they r sure jaedo is real what is insecurities in talking abt dotae? Do they really believe or just pretending to ship jaedo..I dont care anyway...but they r just worst...I just want to tell this to them if they dont have anything to talk abt other than their fav , just stop spouting the negativity in the fandom...it is already a mess...dont add the fuel in it...

I don't appreciate negativity in the fandom either. Even if a fan lives in a fantasy world and gets too emotionally attached to idols and their friendships, fake or not, it is not a bitter outsider's role to burst the bubble. Only people in rl can judge if the fan goes too far and if there is any danger to the obsession. Maybe a parasocial relationship is the only light in the fan's life, or an example of things being possibly better, like a fairytail, if it helps to go through the day, it is a positive thing. Being happy or sad for other people is called compassion and empathy, something the world needs more of.

Denying DoTae friendship is a willfull act, requires cognitive gymnastics. I guess it happens when a fan likes one idol but not the other. The way Tae's akgaes hate on Do, or Jae's akgaes cut out Do from all events, ignoring Jae's heart eyes and puppy behaviour.

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likorys-shimenawa · 2 months ago

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I'm not sure what made you think that your anegdote about skilled professional reqauiring payment for teaching his skill instead of volunteering it is in any way relevant to discussion of him being a sexual predator.

It is not relevant and it's extremely weak strawman attempt. There is no action a human being can made that 'warns you' about them being a sexual predator.

Stop trying to make claim there is some 'warning system' that his fans were ignoring and people now are dismissing. It is false propaganda born from the same puritan mindset that tell you DnD will make you satanist.

It will make people lash out at innocent people, it will get people hurt by giving them false sense of security and it is completely bogus.

Case in point and my own anegdote: thank for your condescending attempt at dismissing me as too emotional and distraught to have a valid point.

I do not care about Gaiman outside of empathy for abuse victim stuck in cycle of abuse.

See, I'm lucky enough to decide he was asshole ages ago, when he was being a twat to people in tumblr. It was mostly him being dangerously tone deaf about anti-Russian bigotry spreading after Russia invaded Ukraine, as well as the time Goncharow flooded his timeline and he decides making 'is this what you doing with your life' responses to random users was apripriate thin for a celebrity like him to do.

These were what you seem to consider 'missteps'. They were not warning signs of him being sexual predator, because those don't exists.

No, whatever fiction he writes is not 'kinda relevant' to his real life abuse and there is nothing you could 'blame people for not seeing'.

It doesn't matter you've been 'pointing out his writing style for years' - fiction does not translate to real life behaviour. Peroid. There is no crime that is exception, there is no writing that is an exception, this simply doesn't work.

Video games don't make people shoot up schools, metal music doesn't make people sacrifice newborns to satan, horror movies don't make people murder people, romance novels don't make women have sex.

Nuance you try to mention is a repainted right-wing propaganda that has been around for decades if not centuries and trying to push for 'what someone writes warns you what they do in real life' angle while we're suffering resugence of censorship-happy puritan sociopolitical ideaologies is, frankly, a show of carelessness bordering of willfull disregard for people's safety.

#no there is no nuance in this case #certain things are purely binary and NEED to stay that way for people's safety #no you cannot 'know' if someone's writing confirms their real life actions #you can analyze the text to see what ideas and views and ideologies are present IN THE TEXT #but even that doesn't mean the author actualy believes it

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ladyofasoiaf · 3 years ago

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I have to say it's so refreshing to see someone unafraid to criticise Ar/ya. It feels like I get more tired of her character on each re-read I do, and her stans' insane, overly aggressive behavior makes it difficult to like her. Although personally like you I don't care for her trope-y type of character either. I think she was a whiny little crybaby in her early chapters and awful to her sister until they were about to sail to WF. How do fans ignore all that but see occasional mean words of Sansa as satanic?? Anyway, that was rant-y, but thank you.

Hello Anon,

Thank you very much.

The thing is I am in this fandom since 2011 and I am too tired and old to try to censor my thoughts at this point. I used to be more understanding to her character and I actually didn't have many problems with her. If anything I even liked her first (I think it was because Arya actor was so cute in the show) and I was looking forward for Sansa-Arya reunion.

At first I wasn't into fandom that much so I wasn't aware of the fact that her fans HATE Sansa for fanon reasons. After witnessing that in the worst way I tried to understand why do they hate Sansa so much. And I realized that it was because they were totally misreading the characters and the dynamics. I also realized that Arya was much darker than I thought when I first read her.

Just like you said, her character really suffers from re-readings. You start to realize that she was bratty, rude, ill-behaved and violent. Her underdog/overlooked persona is just a fabricated false narrative (or maybe I should say written unconvincingly). When you first read her POVs without paying too much attention, you think she suffers as the unsatisfactory sister because of Sansa but in truth she is just jealous and it is HER who makes her sister life difficult. You realize that Sansa is actually the overlooked child who is trying too hard to have the attention of her father but Ned simply ignores her as a real human being with her own feelings and desires while focusing on Arya. When you see this dynamic, AGOT makes more sense. You understand how even a father who loves all his children can totally ruin his children's lives.

People love to say that Sansa was so rude to Arya and she was only truly rude her when she LOST everything (and Arya had a part in those) and Arya had everything she ever desired while being the troublemaker in the first place. Also watch how that scene goes:

Their father sighed. “I did not call you here to talk of dresses. I’m sending you both back to Winterfell.”

For the second time Sansa found herself too stunned for words. She felt her eyes grow moist again.

“You can’t,” Arya said.

“Please, Father,” Sansa managed at last. “Please don’t.”

Eddard Stark favored his daughters with a tired smile. “At last we’ve found something you agree on.”

Look at Arya saying SHE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE KL.

She is objecting to her father..

WOW what a little betrayer. How can she betray Ned like that? SMH...

Father’s mouth twitched strangely. “Sansa, I’m not sending you away for fighting, though the gods know I’m sick of you two squabbling. I want you back in Winterfell for your own safety. Three of my men were cut down like dogs not a league from where we sit, and what does Robert do? He goes hunting.”

Arya was chewing at her lip in that disgusting way she had. “Can we take Syrio back with us?”

“Who cares about your stupid dancing master?” Sansa flared. “Father, I only just now remembered, I can’t go away, I’m to marry Prince Joffrey.” She tried to smile bravely for him.”

Look at Arya willfully asking sth she DESIRES. (Btw if she couldn't have Syrio she would totally talk to him about this- them returning WF- because that girl is WILLFULL like Lyanna right? You can't call her Lyanna2.0 without accepting this, I am sorry)

PURE EVIL!! (also Sansa is always rude in her thoughts... until the very end she just keeps it to herself about how Arya is not pretty, dirty, naughty etc... she doesn't share her opinion with Arya... But I am sure no one has ever thought harmless but bad things about someone they actually love... no one!! Only too kind to share her thoughts Sansa has done this)

Arya made a face. “Not if Joffrey’s his father,” she said. “He’s a liar and a craven and anyhow he’s a stag, not a lion.”

Sansa felt tears in her eyes. “He is not! He’s not the least bit like that old drunken king,” she screamed at her sister, forgetting herself in her grief.

Sansa is literally crying and losing herself in grief of broken dreams and Arya thinks this is the best time to talk shit about the boy she likes... (Jon says he looks like a girl 2.0)

“I am looking for a fast trading galley to take you home. These days, the sea is safer than the kingsroad. You will sail as soon as I can find a proper ship, with Septa Mordane and a complement of guards…and yes, with Syrio Forel, if he agrees to enter my service. But say nothing of this. It’s better if no one knows of our plans. We’ll talk again tomorrow.”

Sansa cried as Septa Mordane marched them down the steps. They were going to take it all away; the tournaments and the court and her prince, everything, they were going to send her back to the bleak grey walls of Winterfell and lock her up forever. Her life was over before it had begun.

Arya as usual gets what she wants while being the trouble child and people pleaser Sansa is once again being punished. Sansa is crying, depressed and she already told us that SHE LOST HERSELF IN HER GRIEF.

“It won’t be so bad, Sansa,” Arya said. “We’re going to sail on a galley. It will be an adventure, and then we’ll be with Bran and Robb again, and Old Nan and Hodor and the rest.” She touched her on the arm.

“Hodor!” Sansa yelled. “You ought to marry Hodor, you’re just like him, stupid and hairy and ugly!” She wrenched away from her sister’s hand, stormed into her bedchamber, and barred the door behind her.

I am sorry but it easy to be kind (?) when you win everything and the other person is losing ALL. (and don't forget that this Arya had a heartfelt conversation with her father about her hatred and trauma... unlike Sansa)

And even in her consolation you can see that she is still blind to her sister's desires. Sansa doesn't want to sail and have adventures (LOL THE SHIP GIRL IS LOADING) Arya... that's not Sansa... that's YOU.

Also why the fck Hodor?? Why would seeing Hodor be same as becoming a queen in a place you find magical?? And if my sister tried to console me like this I would freaking lose it too. (let me also say that it wasn't little Arya's job to cheer/console her sister in the first place, it was Ned's but he is... idiot)

So Sansa calls her stupid, hairy and ugly at the end of her patience (after Arya insulting her future husband, after Arya being rude to her future family, after Arya doing sth she wasn't supposed to like playing with butcher boys, after Arya being rude to the prince, after Arya attacking the prince, after losing Lady because of Arya's wolf, after Arya being hateful to her, after Ned being distant to her while being there for Arya, after Arya once again insulting her future husband, after losing the chance for your dreams to come true while Arya having all that she desired).

Give her a break for real. I would be worse ngl. And I am sorry but calling your sister's any hobby/interest stupid and attacking her physically MORE THAN ONCE is just as bad (if not worse... it's worse imo..)

BTW why doesn't Sansa just call her HORSEFACE and done with it? I thought she was constantly bullying her with that name? Can't believe she doesn't use that name when she was the lowest and the angriest.

Because Sansa-I AM TOO KIND AND COURTESY IS EVERYTHING- Stark totally would use that word!! I am sure she uses that name.. Let me find it!! She had to think about it at least... she had to acknowledge that name at some point:

404 NOT FOUND.

Sansa's proper as* has never used that word. She has never even acknowledged that word but Arya can't be wrong ofc because only Sansa is the unreliable narrator... (Arya didn't misremember the name of Joff's sword or Jon didn't misremember that it was actually him who called Tyrion a friend not the other way around but Sansa is the only UN people...)

And it is funny because Sansa acknowledges she has a horsey face:

"Myrcella is a little baby." Arya grabbed Nymeria around her neck, but the moment she pulled out the brush again the direwolf wriggled free and bounded off. Frustrated, Arya threw down the brush. "Bad wolf!" she shouted.

Sansa couldn't help but smile a little. The kennelmaster once told her that an animal takes after its master. She gave Lady a quick little hug. Lady licked her cheek. Sansa giggled. Arya heard and whirled around, glaring. "I don't care what you say, I'm going out riding." Her long horsey face got the stubborn look that meant she was going to do something willful.

"Gods be true, Arya, sometimes you act like such a child," Sansa said. "I'll go by myself then. It will be ever so much nicer that way. Lady and I will eat all the lemon cakes and just have the best time without you." [AGOT- Sansa I]

So why has she NEVER used that name? What was stopping her EVEN in her THOUGHTS? Anyway... in any case Arya was worse as a sister so I understand why her stans are holding so tightly on "bully Sansa" narrative. Sad.

After re-readings you realize Sansa is actually the outsider of the family. 90% of her family simply don't deserve her for real but whatever.

But I want to say this again: My problem is not Arya as a character. It is the fanon characterization of Sansa by her fans and the author's really weak and forced writing when it comes to Arya. Even when I criticize her you can see that I am mostly angry at characters like Ned, the author himself and her fans. If they were more objective toward Sansa then I wouldn't be bothered by her character this much.

Thanks for the ask.

#mine #anon #ask #answered #reply #anti arya stark #anti arya stans #sansa stark #sansa stark defense squad #asoiaf #ned stark critical #grrm critical

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sweetestkelewele · 4 years ago

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the victim boot strap mentality doesn’t even make sense because so many people who believe this are often ARE struggling.

how can you make life about yourself and just ignore the countless people that are suffering. issa willfull ignorance ting.

when i found out that MLK and Fred Hampton where shot because of the involvement with socialism, everything made sense. This is why they had to bomb Vietnam and the other countries. This is why they had to fight Cuba. This is why policing and surveillance is a mazza there.

They are so shook, they are so shook of the people coming together because there is power and truth is the socialism ting. the people of America are also the biggest threat to America

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lookwhatilost · 4 years ago

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"The Power of Positive Thinking" (self delusion) can be insanely powerful. it gives you an increased willingness to take risks, a willfull ignorance of negative potentials. 99% of the time it gets you in trouble, 1% of the time you become kanye west. this is why ppl believe in it. success and fame, beyond just hereditary wealth, kinda self-select for these sorts of people, because if you don't have this trait, this belief, you'll just leave it to the realm of fantasy and get a normal job, and not end up like bulletball guy.

bulletball is a good example of what happens to the 99% of people who, whether some combination of ideology and innate nature, embrace this form of delusion, this Positivity Cult, Ideological Optimism, whatever we want to call it. bulletball is objectively stupid. any rational person would either never do it, or at least, pack it in a year in rather than give it decades of their life, wealth, and sacrifice their marriage. that's why he's a funny, fascinating guy, and became a meme. he made weird choices. yet you gotta have at least some of that same way of thinking in order to become... well probably a majority of anyone you ever heard of, whether a great athlete, artist, or world historical figure. but if you have that brain, you risk blinding yourself to reality. and also being a colossal asshole.

a lot of us around this corner of online seem like the opposite - absolute pessimists, depressives, people even if we believe in larger things, absolutely do not believe in ourselves. we tend to focus on what could go wrong. and it probably keeps us out of a lot of trouble. there's so many fucking scams and possibly attempted murders I've not fallen for because I doubted myself, my impulses, my luck, my skill, appearances, other people's motivations, etc... etc... and I've gotten hurt when I didn't. and yet, we'll also never accomplish any of the things we seek to accomplish, personally, politically, whatever, if we can't take a longshot once in a while, and either get lucky or discover we where wrong about the odds in the first place.

I guess this all seems obvious but I'm fascinated by the conundrum, if in some sense we need to embrace some kind of self-delusion, or at least, act of faith or meaning making, but not at the cost of reason, skepticism, and keeping our fucking egos in check. how you can convince yourself to take risks and challenge the odds and be, in a certain kinda neoclassical sense "irrational", without becoming bullet ball guy, or worse?

fanatical belief in the self, in your goodness, and ultimate goodness of the universe, is central to liberalism and capitalism, and the venal narcissism it fosters in it's subjects. it’s what allows the whipholder to smile as they snap their wrist, and whipped to smile in turn. so it naturally becomes something we reject and scorn, as symbolic of the terrible rulers of the world and the means by which they rule, and that's not wrong. it adds another complicating factor into how we look at this issue of positivity/optimism/benign self delusion. ideology has constructed an artifical reality, fisher's capitalist realism, that shapes our sense of what is possible. to find what is really not possible, and what are mere false walls, what is stone & what is plaster, we need a willingness to throw ourselves at it & get bruised

and that's where I don't really have an answer or conclusion, just going in circles like Wallace Shawn trying to figure out which cup of wine has Iocaine powder in it. of course, both cups are poisoned.

#Still trying to figure out if princess bride references can be taken for granted as not needing more context

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linkspooky · 7 years ago

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Hey link! Sorry if you've already answered this but; what do you personally think will happen to Ui if he were to realize that Hairu coming back to life doesn't mean the actual Hairu being alive? Like she wouldn't have her memories, same personality, etc. I hope that if she is brought back, he realizes that it's not the same Hairu and just gives up on CCG (because the only reason he's still there is for the slim chance of her resurrection).

I'd like for him to realize that what he's doing is pointless (as in still working for CCG) because it's not the same working there now as it was when he was fighting alongside/for the people he cares for (Kaneki, Arima, Hirako etc).

This is an old ask, but I’m going to use it as a spring board for current events. So, as foreshadowed for a long time, Ui’s final step in his arc will be letting go of his identity as a CCG investigator. The seeds were planted for this long ago, he even foretold the death of the CCG.

We’ve yet to see Ui make good on that realization, or prophecy in any real way through. In fact, it was Hairu who manipulated him into falling further into delusion the moment he was realizing the truth.

However, when the possibility of reviving Hairu is removed from him, Ui falls back on his identity as a ghoul investigator. Not only that but he intentionally turns away from the truth that was shown right in front of his eyes when he was witnessing Furuta’s reign.

With Hairu gone as a reason, Ui fell back upon his old one. Being a ghoul investigator became his reason again, and Take came with him effectively moving in a circle.

However, it seems to be totally okay, because the CCG that they returned to was the “Good CCG.” The CCG that doesn’t slaughter ghouls, but rather fights for peace and justice. The CCG that has absolutely no problematic elements or laws at all. In fact Furuta was responsible for all of that and now that he’s gone, it’s good again.

Ui himself even encourages that kind of lie to make Take’s return easier. However, considering that Ui told a bald faced lie it eventually has to become undone at some point.

Ui’s identity is not as an investigator but as a person, and because of that his final step as a character should be leaving the CCG. The fact that he hasn’t reached this step is why he failed in the last chapter.

So why does Ui fail, despite seemingly moving on from Hairu and Arima, trying to stand on his own, and mourning them in a much healthier way? It’s because of the way Ui moved forward was to repeat his battle with owl the exact same way he did in the 20th ward raid.

The problem is perspective. Tokyo Ghoul isn’t a fighting manga where you develop as a character by learning how to fight monsters better. Tokyo Ghoul is a manga where you develop by learning to understand the monsters.

Ui however, has no understanding of who the original owl even was. That Eto in a way was fighting for a much better world than Ui was, who was only fighting to maintain the status queue at the time.

In a way he’s acting the same as before by treating this as just another repeat of the 20th ward raid. he’s just killing the giant monster in front of him. Which is why this is almost a perfect set up for Hairu to be inside of that monster.

As it’s the ultimate disproving of Ui’s theory that all he needs to do is act as a good investigator, and kill the enemy in front of him to grow. It’s a consequence for Ui’s willfull ignorance of the truth just so he can return to some kind of acceptable CCG.

As I said you can’t really just tell bald faced lies in fiction like that. They almost always catch up with you.

This battle can’t proceed exactly like the owl battle in the past, because Ui’s grown since then. Once he realizes it he’ll be able to adapt to the situation much better.

#metasks #Anonymous

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mind-at-capacity · 3 years ago

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9/26/21: Advice

People ask me for advice a lot. They always have and continue to. I have a certain few whose advice and wisdom have provided clarity more times than I can count. You ever feel like you waited too long to ask for the advice you really needed to hear?

Loss happens to everyone at some point. Loss of family, friends, animals—it happens to everybody. It feels like it has hit us harder than a lot of others. I wrote about Joanna a little while ago and didn’t provide much other than the tragedy. It’s something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately. To a point a trauma looks a certain way. Essentially the same bones with different details. But what do you do when it keeps happening?

Joanna and her younger brother Stephen were my cousins. There are a lot of reasons over the past decade (maybe even longer) that we have distanced from my dad’s half of the family. There was a point where it felt like a major blow. In so many ways they were cruel, willfull, and completely ignorant. But somehow it still—at some point—was a question of if distancing and losing that half of the family was worth it. Somewhere in me I knew I made the right choice, but losing half of my family one day felt sad. I didn’t acknowledge that at the time, but hindsight 20/20.

Joanna was so much more than the tragedy that happened to her. The grief around losing her makes that hard to remember right now. I once heard somebody say that the deeper the grief, the deeper your love was for them. Emotionally, I feel like I’ve been thrown into an active volcano and subsequently launched into the fucking sun—so I guess you could say I loved her a lot.

Jo, wherever you are, I know you would have loved that comparison.

I didn’t know my cousin Steven well at all. Not because I didn’t want to, we were just far enough apart in age that we didn’t quite intersect. He had an enormous impact on my life, though. He took his life at 26 years old. 15 year old me couldn’t understand. I spent a lot of time trying to understand. I dove into the mental health field headfirst because of him. My first job in the field, I walked in to find a client unconscious on the ground. I started CPR and that saved her life. The only people who know that are the ones who were with me on the shift. I wouldn’t have been there if Steve didn’t set me tear-assing down that road trying to figure out how to help as many people not go through this as I could.

I will never forget walking into his wake and seeing somebody as destroyed as Joanna was that day. She was sobbing, inconsolable. And I think that might be a lot of the reason why it hurts me so much that she is gone. Because holy shit if she didn’t rise like a god damn phoenix. She was brilliant, well read, sarcastic, cynical, hysterical, witty, kind, calm, gentle, patient. I could continue but we would be here for a long time.

Somehow though, she has helped me twice this past week. I still have our text convo saved on my phone and the last photo she sent me was a graph she sent me of how much chocolate a dog could eat before they died. In all honesty, it is because my dog broke into my room and ate an entire cannabis chocolate bar. I had to call pet poison control (it’s a thing which is useful and hilarious) and felt like shit after. I felt like I wasn’t a good parent. She could tell before I said anything and told me I was. Well my dog broke into another room through a series of events and ate chocolate. Normally, I’d call Joanna in a panic. I can’t do that anymore. But somehow she still helped with that picture.

I’ll leave you with the second piece of advice she gave that helped me just now. It’s from a post she wrote about her brother passing. It’s bother exactly what I feel and what I needed to hear. Her birthday was September 23. I hope you spent it enjoying a beer with Steve, Jo. I will never stop missing you.

“For 13 years now, I have missed so much about you. But what is even stronger than all those moments is the way I am so fucking proud of you every day.

I want to tell people who you were so they can have a glimmer of understanding of how powerful an impact you made on this world and on my life. I want to wear it like a badge on my sleeve so people ask about you.

You are alive in my heart and my soul. And you are notdefined by your death.

We will meet again my brother, my wingman, my best friend. And when we do we will sit down with a good beer and talk for eternity”

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