#life is like a tube of pringles

[ihaveasolutionbutyouwontlikeit]

A whole day of errands and then a couple hours rest has my soul port body's joints crunching like a spooked black cat on gravel and new years glowsticks, and unsurpriseandresultingly, I am gl-OWCH.

[itsnathateasy]

Hi! I really love your blog😭 Do you have any general bf head canons for eren or Connie?

warning: some nsfw headcanons, BUT they're in <s>! please skip if you’re uncomfortable with such content! word count: 1,1k a/n: do i have headcanons for these two baddies huh? thank you anon for assuming i’m a sane person! thank you for requesting this!🤍 these are all so random LMAO I’M SO SORRY but i laughed SO HARD writing them!

Eren Jaeger

With Eren, you’ve forgotten what showering alone feels like, because he keeps invading your space. Lovingly. And you also don’t really mind. But, sometimes, you need your quiet time. I don’t think Eren cares much about that or at least he doesn’t until you explain to him that he needs to ask before pulling the shower curtain open and randomly jumping in. “You said you were gonna take a shower, y/n, and I wanted to come and see.” With pouty eyes.

He calls you a bunch of times during the day, just so you can be on facetime together. You don’t even have to speak much, especially if you’re at work. He just wants to feel closer to you. (You can also read the clingy!bf eren headcanons!)

Eren has the time of his life when you’re going grocery shopping together. He’s being goofy and tries to get you to only buy snacks or asks you the most random questions about this thing he read in the ingredient list and you’re – somehow – supposed to know the answer. But the real reason he’s enjoying himself is that he’s lowkey upsetting you, and he finds it hot when you’re angry. That man needs a therapist, I swear.

DEMANDS cuddles. He doesn’t have to beg for them, but he likes to think he can get them anytime he wants to. Which is true, but you feel me. You don’t need to be persuaded to cuddle him.

He’s bought you guys matching cups for your morning coffee but, at some point, he decided he preferred your cup and proceeded to stealing it from you every now and then.

At first, you didn’t take him for a guy who gossips, he always seemed so ignorant about it. That was until you had some work/friend drama and you didn’t update him on the new deets. Frankly, you didn’t want to, talking about this topic drained emotionally. “But I need to know, y/n! What did his bitch ass say to Caitlyn? You shouldn’t be keeping it to yourself, come on, spill!” He’d taken the seat across from you on the couch and demanded that you tell him all about it.

He sees nobody else but you. You might bring it up in conversation that this person seemed to be interested in him or that they paid extra attention or whatever, but he honestly hadn’t noticed. He was busy watching you have fun wherever you were at and taking pictures of your cute face.

Will send you unsolicited d*ck pics. He was at the gym and he looked good, what’s your problem? “Didn’t see you complaining the other day now, did you?” “Just warn me before you send me that kind of photos, Eren, I’m working!” He might give it a second thought next time.

He makes so much noise, it’s embarrassing. Especially when you stumble upon your neighbours the morning after. But Eren is so proud of his loud ass and takes greater pride if manages to get you to be louder than him. The man is so whipped, he actually believes only the two of you exist. Everyone else is just here to fill up the simulation or something.

Eren unironically suggest that you film yourselves during it. Which isn’t gonna happen of course, but he’s convinced you’d be so good at it “people would pay to watch it”. Honestly, he knows he’s really pretty, and so are you. You’re like a top modle power couple in his eyes. It’s his arrogance speaking.

Connie Springer

I feel like connie is the type to text you the most random things throughout the day, from his food to the receipt he got from a convenience store because “you won’t believe how much they charged me for a tube of pringles babe!”

He will call you because he tried to cook dinner and misplaced some ingredient only for you to tell him you’d never had that ingredient to begin with. Turns out he confused the name of said spice/sauce and was looking for an everyday item, like black pepper or something. Baby boy was so ready to come at you because “we’ve ALWAYS had horseradish, y/n, WHERE IS IT??”

He looks up at you a lot, especially if your interests don’t collide. It’s not necessarily that he wants to learn from you (the way Armin would for example) but he’s really curious about anything you say you’re interested in and just wants to be included, you know?

Say you like this particular film genre, he’s made it his life’s mission to check if such a film was out in theatres and he forwards you the links so you can decide if you want to go watch it together.

He’s very open about his friend group and invites you to join them even early on in the relationship. He’s the type of guy with minimal boundaries, not in a bad way of course, just in the sense that he’s not private about his friends or hobbies etc. He wants you to know about him, same way he wants to know about you.

You know, I hate it when people make Connie be a pothead and nothing but that (if you’ve read the domestic!connie headcanons you know all about it) but I can’t deny that he does strike me like the guy who loves his mari. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how he originally confessed to you too. He’s not shy, on the contrary, but maybe you were hanging out at his place or with his friends, casually passing smoke when he admitted that “I’ve had my eye on you for ages, but I never knew how to bring it up in conversation”. You giggled for ages at his words, because who would’ve thought that he just didn’t know how to come about it, right?

Connie wakes you up in the middle of the fucking night to show you a funny video of a raccoon and be like “that you, y/n hehe”.

He also wakes you up in the middle of the night because he popped a boner and needs your attention. I think he’d play all pouty like “this only happens because I’m dating you, the hottest person in the world, y/n...”

I KNOW he whimpers, okay? I’ve heard him. But if you point it out, he’ll play coy and deny it.

Listen to me. People have been saying this, but I need you to pay attention. He eats it before he puts it in. Probably afterwards too. He’s a firm believer of mutual fun and he’d never deprive you of a good time. Besides, joy shared is doubled, right?

🏹 wanna be notified? join my tag list!

[tainted-liquor]

'Tiny hands; Little Baby ...ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡ ft. 42Miles

...‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

✩ingredients: Sugar, kisses, and baby powder!

˙⟡TWs: Cussing, Miles speaks mostly Spanish, so ready ur spanishDict

✩A/N: Miles is soft when it comes to his children. Its not ooc, he was based off of MY sisters father. parents usually 'calm down' after having babies. pls don't start complaining

When you think of the ideal father, you usually would think of two types of people. The happy-go-lucky super kind and outgoing person, or someone who balances both fun and order. You never in your life expected to be a mother, or even wanted kids as a matter of fact. But everything changed when you met him. Miles.

Admittedly, when you met in high school shit was rocky. Typical 'anti-social social' kid. Everybody knew him, but nobody was ever able to say they talked to him. But things slowly began to change as the school year passed, and you seemed to pop up more and more in each other's lives. Art projects, a shared interest in graffiti, seating charts in chem, and ending up at the same bodega during the wee hours of the night.

You waltzed into the small store, grabbing a tube of Pringles and a bottle of cherry Faygo. You had a project to get done within the next 5 hours and spent 3 days working nonstop so you wouldn't fail this semester. Your eyes were low and sleepy, your movement was slower than average and it looked like you had been crying. A lot. What is a girl supposed to do when she feels like her life is being drowned out by constant numbers and big words?

You waited by the counter, tapping away on your phone as you waited for the man behind the glass to finish making your chop cheese, slowly raising your head to see who just swung open the door. You made eye contact with Miles for a brief moment, nodding upward as a form of greeting before suddenly being startled. Miles's eyes widened for a moment, taking a tiny step back as he took in how sleepy you looked. Your hoodie wasn't even on properly, one arm completely off your shoulder and exposing a fraction of your black tank top to the world around you. "Well damn, nigga. I know I look like shit but don't make it obvious" you snorted, rolling your eyes as you dropped your head back to your phone screen.

"Oh, my bad. Just not used to seeing you outside of school" he shrugged, making his way to the counter to order his food and standing next to you in silence. You both tapped away on your phones, scrolling through your Instagram while you waited for your sandwich. There was nothing else to it, really. You both waved bye to each other as you left the store, silently building a smidge of a relationship compared to being just strangers. For the most part, it was like that at school too.

There was no real reason to talk to him, outside of a small hallway talk and a nod or a wave. And it stayed like that for a long time, until a random day in the school's library. Miles came strutting through the oak wood doors, seemingly pissed off as he slammed his supplies on a nearby table and started working silently. You side-eyed him, continuing to blast the music in your headphones until you felt a presence begin getting closer to you. You grabbed one of your AirPods, removing it from your ear as Miles stood over you.

"Hmm?" You hummed, looking up at him as you paused your music. He said nothing, only showing you a piece of paper with honors calculus work. "Do you need help?" you asked, scanning over the paper briefly before putting your AirPods in your case. He nodded, letting you take the paper from him as he leaned against the table. "Aight, sit down. I'm only doing one problem though" you muttered, scooting your chair over to make room for Miles.

When Miles left that table, you were closer than normal. You spent the rest of the afternoon helping him 'study' (talking to each other while he finished his work) and exchanging numbers and Instagram. "Good luck with your test!" You smiled, waving from across the room as he left the library. He gave you a nod before swiftly exiting, leaving people asking you left and right "What's Miles like?" You didn't think anything of it, at all.

You never would have imagined that that same boy would be the father of your child almost ten years later.

“MILES!” You shouted as loud as humanly possible. “SÍ? QUÉ HICE??” He shouted back from the kitchen. “MY FUCKING WATER BROKE START THE CAR!” You yelled as you stared down in absolute shock. And it was absolute chaos from there. Miles was practically stumbling out of the house as he ran to start the car, muttering curses as he ran up to get you out of your shared room.

Unfortunately for Miles, he had no idea what was happening. He was terrified but tried to be as supportive as possible through the entire situation. He was out cold for most of the delivery, having fainted 10 minutes in from anxiety. "Sir? SIR-!"

BOOM

But other than that, everything went amazing! He cried for 20 whole minutes when he got to hold his beautiful baby girl. "W-what...sniffle... are you going to...sob...name h-her, love?" he asked between a puddle of tears. You took a good look at your baby through soaked eyes, realizing she was born...quiet. She had one green eye, and one dark brown eye that was taken right from her father's face, a cute little button nose, and a head full of placenta-permed hair. She cried once the entire birth and remained silent the rest of the way, just like her nonchalant-ass daddy. "I'm thinkin' about...Asomi" you replied before bursting out in tears, causing Miles to burst even further into tears.

You attempted to reach for your baby, earning a watery glare from your boyfriend. "Nigga I JUST PUSHED HER OUT! GIMME MY BABY!" you giggled as you attempted to grab your daughter. "nuh-uh. I'm not done holding her" he retorted, flashing you a middle finger as he held Asomi even closer. "Miles Gonzalo Morales."

"Lo siento. Te amo mucho. Tú eres muy bonita y inteligente" he quickly replied as he handed your daughter over.

And from that moment forward, everything in Miles's life revolved around his beautiful family. He spent hours rambling on and on to 'Omi', as he calls her, about anything under the sun. "Entonces," Miles began as he attempted to give 'Omi a sink bath. "Tú mami me dijo que necesito hablar más inglés a ti. I won't though, cuz you're my lil princess" he whispered as he curved Omi's hair into a bubbly mohawk and giggled like a child. He played with the bubbly water, pretending to be one of the countless tiny rubber duckies she had floating around in the water.

"Alright, c'mon. Necesito vestir tú antes consigue frío" he giggled as he put the kid in a prowler onesie you told him not to buy. He blew raspberries on Asomi's little belly, earning adorable giggles from his daughter as he carried the tiny baby with one arm. He cleaned up some of the toys on the floor, briefly pushing them inside the toy bin before grabbing the tiny purple pacifier and soft wooly lamb-lamb plush. Omi clung to his shirt, laying her head on his shoulder as she held the tiny lamb-lamb plushie. Miles kissed her on the forehead, sat down on the couch, and fell asleep with Omi dozing off right beside him.

You came home to two of your two favorite people in the world snuggled up on the couch. Omi's tiny hand gripped Miles's shirt as Miles held her like an inmate protecting his tray. You giggled to yourself, snapping a quick pic for the memories before joining their 'nap circle'.

"G'night, pretty babies" you whispered, pressing kisses on both of their cheeks.

"Mmh...noches."

...‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Taglist:

@ashsostrange @chessbox @janaeby @faeriesoiree333 @fivestardior @an1bara @bachirasegoist @kxllanxtdoor

Taglist form on my profile !! pls fill that out to be added <3

[sea-lanterns]

Not hamster furina immediately going for the titties after being traumatized ajjajsjs- 😭

- 💖

Pringles tube is cold and hard. Titties are warm and soft. In conclusion, Hamster! Furina needs titties to heal after a traumatizing experience 🥺

I can imagine her tumbling out of the tube and immediately looking up at you with watery, boba-like eyes, already on the verge of tears as she needs your boobs to comfort her. If you have big boobs you could just leave Furina on top of them and she’d just lay there. If you have small boobs she will hold on for dear life because nothing will pry her away from your tits. Girl is attached.

[mxmorbidmidnight]

Look at this ridiculous car. Most ridiculous car I’ve seen in my entire life. I don’t know how these wretched creatures exist but I’m glad they do. I can’t explain why but they look like a Pringles tube. I want to squeeze it but I also feel like I have to call it something like Sir or Constance. Also feel like it supposed to be wearing a hat idk why.

/silly

[likeprongstostars]

bartylus but barty cant fit his hand in the pringles salt & vinegar tube so instead he gets regulus to do it and will slobber off his fingers while regulus tries to pull back his hand like it depends on his life

lmao i forgot to answer this ask bc i read it and then started thinking about them and forgot to finish my thought 😭

but yes barty will be like "hey can i use ur slender bony malnourished victorian child pincers hands" and make a 5 course meal out of that hand and they will repeat the process until the pringles are gone bc who even pourd pringles in a bowl anyway...

[carlos-in-glasses]

Carlos-in-Glasses Goes to Paris

For prosperity I’ve written up my experience of the First Responders Reunion Convention – which is my first convention experience. And what an overwhelmingly good and stressful time it was. Under the cut is my attempt to capture my memories and the essence of it, rather than a transcription of panels and meeting rooms, as others have already done the good work (or will be). I hope you find this interesting and useful if you do read, and if you have any specific questions (including about travelling alone/logistics/issues I had) I’ll do my best to provide a coherent answer.

I am very tired and this is slightly manic but here we go:

Friday: If you are among those who waited in line for three hours to register for the convention, even if I did not see or interact with you….I feel we are spiritually bonded forever by the experience. Blimey, crikey, and bloody hell. It was not clear at all how long the wait would be, but I was not expecting that! However, there was an undeniable thrill in the air. I was in pain all over, yet happy. By the late evening, dinner was half a tube of Pringles and a glass of red wine.

Saturday: Breakfast was four croissants. I actually recommend this because they really did carry me through until lunch. Not long after arriving, we were milling about in the lobby waiting for the opening ceremony to begin - when Ronen walked past up on the mezzanine/ balcony thing, waving to us, all fabulous and just….there in the flesh?!!!...and revealing his hair. We’d speculated that he’d dyed it pink or the bisexual pride flag colours, or “wouldn’t it be funny if it’s just brown?!” And it was brown! And it WAS Funny.

The opening ceremony was a trip lol. Holy shit. They played a music video compilation of the actors from each show (I never want to hear How to Save a Life by The Fray ever again. Jk jk don’t come for meee). There was an undulation of incredibly loud screaming whenever particular actors popped up on screen, so it was like being on a rollercoaster that wasn’t moving. Adrenaline was high by the time all the actors walked out on stage and say hello. It’s hard to explain exactly how bonkers it is to be in the same physical space as Ronen, Rafa, Sierra and Natacha and see their non-TV dimensions… TANGENT TIME:

….Speaking of dimensions! I tried to pay close attention to the height difference between Ronen and Rafa, but it’s also an optical illusion in real life? FYI, I’m 5 ft 7 – Ronen didn’t seem massively taller than me, Rafa did seem massively taller than me; next to each other it was like there was nothing in it. But in my photos they’re both much taller than me and Ronen looks slightly the biggest I think 🤔 So I have no clue what’s going on. In fact, I’m more confused than ever.

After the opening ceremony (which I fled from because fuuuck) I was waiting around due to rocking up early for my meeting room by accident. The schedule was a confusing design and I was far from the only person who was doing a sort of 'hit-and-hope' when it came to figuring out where to be and when, especially as things almost immediately overran, so other activities got moved around/ postponed. ANYWAY – Ronen walked right past with a member of staff who was instructing him. I overheard him tell her “It’s okay…I’m a pro at this.” He really did wander around like he owned the place. At one point he strolled through the lobby with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

My first activity was the meeting room with Ronen and Rafa (ie. a group of a set number of people in a room with actors for half an hour). By chance it turned out that I was sitting almost right next to them, with a gap left for the door between us. So, super close. And obviously they were both mesmerising. This was the meeting room where Rafa said “To catch the murderer, Carlos has to behave like one”, and explained that Carlos would have to murder parts of himself. His emphasis was on how Carlos’ innocence has been taken from him because his father’s life was stolen. For what it’s worth, I interpreted this as Rafa viewing the whole thing very much from an dramatic actor’s standpoint, and how he needs to get into the mindset of Carlos’ particular grief metaphorically, rather than meaning anything literal. He speaks quite intensely and thoughtfully and his choice of words is often bold. For anyone concerned about it, just remember he was asked a question and responded off the cuff the best he could in the moment, with limited time. He doesn’t write the show and I guess he’s making assumptions based on how season 4 left off, like the rest of us, unless he’s had very specific conversations with Tim (which, maybe! But he wouldn’t be able to give anything away. We don’t know anything). Then, when Ronen brought up TK dying (because Ronen always dies in the films/TV he does – using an axe to the chest as an example) it was pointed out that Tarlos is endgame, so he can’t die. Cue Rafa being like “Carlos could die with him! They die together!” I was like goodness me lads it’s early in the morning for this. I needed a brandy afterwards.

Next up was my Tarlos Duo Photoshoot. As noted above, everything had fallen behind schedule, and things were starting to get switched around. Honestly, it was confusing, daunting and stressful (please note: Am VERY easily confused, daunted, and stressed). But thanks to the power of following others and asking questions, I ended up where I needed to be. When it was my turn, Rafa immediately and warmly put his arm around me to pose but Ronen was talking to a staff member, so Rafa and I were just… touching each other for a good few seconds before Ro joined us! I took the opportunity to thank Rafa for doing this for us, but I can’t remember how he responded. Then the photo was taken. I told them they’re both amazing, they said “aw thanks” at the same time, and again I fled the scene. As there are so many people, the shoot you have is super speedy. I advise really trying to keep your cool even though it’s a highly flustering situation. You don’t want it to become a total blur or something you regret, because it really is lovely to be next to them and quickly say a few words and get a keepsake afterwards.

My next activity was autographs and selfies with Natacha and Sierra. A super lovely thing. I gave them cards I'd written (as I also did for Rafa and Ronen the next day). Sierra was an absolute highlight for me. Just the warmest, kindest person. A total joy. She opened her card in front of me and I was like nooooo don't. It truly felt like she’d come to the convention for the opportunity to meet us, rather than the other way around. She told me she liked my outfit and said I look beautiful in pink. Similar to what I said to Rafa, I thanked her and told her I can’t imagine what it’s like for them to do this, expecting her to quickly say “oh you’re welcome” or something. But she started having a mini-philosophical conversation with me about the nature of fame and fandom! Then she said “it is overwhelming in the best way” because she gets to see the human heart behind all the messages etc (I’m paraphrasing). I said “it’s all about love” and she said “yes! It’s all about love, absolutely.” She was a true delight. And Natacha is a blast. She also complimented my pink outfit and I was like ???? Thanks????!!! Gahhh. The selfies came out way more flattering than the photoshoot. The lighting. Oof.

The last Saturday thing for me was the panel with Ronen and Rafa. It was quite brief but there were some real gems. Rafa saying he only has eyes for Tarlos. Ronen saying “Safe in their apartment holding on to each other. I think Carlos is TK’s honeymoon.” I melted. I let our an audible aww.

Sunday: The first thing was a Lone Star quiz in the panel room with Natacha and Sierra. They were so fun and such good sports. Then it was the Lone Star panel, where Natacha, Sierra, Ronen and Rafa were all on stage together answering fan questions. It was really nice to see them all interact, banter and laugh together. Sierra made a point of saying they’re all close in real life and hang out in their free time. There was a great vibe between them and such a good atmosphere in the room. I loved it when Rafa told Ronen that he was out of rhythm when it came to learning the pilot episode line dance; Ronen argued that he smashed it and there's video evidence. Rafa's response was "Sweetie, no."

I then had the autograph and selfie sessions with Rafa and Ronen, but because the Lone Star panel overran, suddenly Ronen had his photoshoot session instead, so I had a clash between going to that or staying downstairs for Rafa. I was trying to figure out what to do until the queen that is @actuallysara got some clarity from a staff member and we went up to Ronen, but by that point the upper level by the studio was crowded and chaotic. Be advised to prepare for disarray if you’ve never been to a convention before. It might be that you experience no scheduling issues or confusion, but just be prepared for the advent anyway. As it happened, I was through quickly for my photo with Ronen – again thanks to Sara locating the door! Ronen, hungover, was wearing his sunglasses, so I wore mine. He did a dumb pose without saying anything; I grinned at the camera and then thanked him and ran off again to get back downstairs where Rafa was still signing autographs. I got to tell him he plays my favourite character of all time and we took a selfie I really love ahhhh. Then Rafa had to leave for his photoshoot – which was my next thing – so I ran back upstairs and was one of the first in line! So I was like “heeey nice to see you again so soon…!” He remembered my name – I guess because he’d only just written it down 😅 I thanked him for the 10th time – just couldn’t stop thanking everyone like I’d caught a disease where the symptom is permanent gratitude. THEN I ran downstairs to do the autograph and selfie with Ronen, who was running late – so that got postponed to the afternoon after we’d already waited a long while. When it did happen it was great - I can't remember what I said to him but I assume it was polite and made sense – although a chaotic queuing system again ensued. A whole long line of us were crushed together in the heat. I had an Aperpol spritz after and when I tell you I’d never needed a drink like that more…

That was it for my paid activities! Unknown to me at the time, my final glimpse of Ronen, Rafa, Sierra and Natacha was when I was sitting on the floor eating Ritz Crackers while they were wandering past on their way to/from whatever they were doing next. It felt so normal to see them around at that point. We gathered for the closing ceremony, thinking we’d see all the actors on stage once more for a goodbye, but the ceremony had to happen without any of the actors because of running late. So, I cherish my ‘seeing them in the hallway’ memories.

Overall feelings and would I do it again? If you’ve never been to a convention before but want to, do go into it with open eyes: There’s potentially a lot of waiting around and standing in line for a long time in a hot space (sometimes the line is more like a shapeless crowd and you don’t know where it begins and ends). Some of the activities are quite rushed. They fall behind schedule easily and you have to be agile about where to go next and what to do. The Dream It team worked super hard and could do with employing more staff in stewarding roles, ideally wearing something that identifies them as such (the staff blended in with the visitors of the convention). But I don’t know the economics of their staffing situation so maybe they can’t grow the team. Anyway, having more signs up also would have been useful. When you do get your moment with Ronen, Rafa, Sierra, Natacha though – or whoever you have come to see – it really is beautiful and meaningful.

Right now, I’m flipflopping – but mainly I think once is enough for me, unless they come to a convention the UK. There’s a couple of aspects I’d like to ‘do over,’ but perhaps not enough to try to recreate the magic a second time, given the expense of it?? That might change over the coming months – we’ll see! I went to this convention with the goal of meeting Ronen and Rafa (with Natacha and a Sierra being a glorious bonus as I booked it long before they were announced as guests) to tell them in person thank you and I love you – and I achieved that. I do think it was worth my money, but it is very expensive and tiring. I was lucky to be in a good position to pay for it this year, which might not be the case going forward. You really need to be able to afford to do it, and genuinely want to do it, knowing you’re paying money for something that is going to have some hard and challenging aspects as well as the amazing and joyful. Personally, I love that I went once. I didn’t love the Super Endurance Test of 2023 that was standing in line for three hours on Friday after travelling hahaaaaaa god. I loved the selfies and autograph sessions. I didn’t love the photoshoot outcomes but I loved that I’ve had Rafa’s large hand on my shoulder because I'm slutty so. I love that I looked into both his and Ronen’s eyes and told them how great they are. I love that I uploaded my selfie with Rafa to my instastory and he viewed it, so there’s just a line of my friends’ names, then actuallyrafa, then a line of my friends’ names 🤣

I also want to note that in real life, compared to footage of them in interviews/insta lives/wherever, I think you get even more of a sense of just how different they are to their characters. It made me respect them all even more than I already did, which I didn’t think was possible. They are SO talented.

BUT most importantly: The reason why this was so brilliant was @actuallysara, without whom I wouldn’t have thought I could travel alone to Paris and do this at all. Sara, meeting you and giving you a big hug was also the dream. You are so helpful and knowledgeable and kind ,and once again your flags were a fantastic idea and I’m so happy I got to sign them. I hope I get to see you again very soon. Thank you from the depths of my soul. @meditating-honey-badger (and your fabulous companion…!) it was a true delight to hang out, and chill out, and have such funny and deep conversations. You are an absolute light and I loved meeting you. I hope so much to see you again too. Like Sara, it could never be too soon. And @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut. What can I say. What can I possibly say. I want to make drinking on rooftop bars while talking about writing our thing. I’ve never done that with anyone else. We really went through this side by side and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I already miss you and I thank you too. You are, in fact, the warmest doughnut in town. All of you, forever ❤️. You made it what it was.

(Digitally applied giant aviator sunglasses and some editing so the Tarlos duo photoshoot doesn't count as a face reveal. Thank you also to the lovely people who made bracelets and handed them out.)

[berrypass-de-murdler]

2 - 43 Murder on the Board

this person found me on tumblr and omg just block me already leave me aloneeeee 😭 please

Ahem

ANYWAY

look what I got!!!!!!!! I managed to get it a day earlier than expected!!! THE CARDS ARE SO SMOL BUT THE GAME IS SO BIGG! and it looks weirdly complicated. Hate board games but I'll make exception for BOXGICO

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

Are they still in the Bahamas, or are they already back home? Seems like a pretty crucial detail. 

LOGICO: Oh, oh!! Irratino, I have an idea of something you might like. IRRATINO: You do!! Where!! LOGICO: A chess tournament!

Irratino flops to the ground like a dead inflatable tube man.

IRRATINO: Seriously? You think I’d enjoy a chess tournament? LOGICO: I love chess. IRRATINO: So?? LOGICO: You love me. It checks out.

Irratino has no choice! (They really submit to each other easily.) They head to a stadium. Yes, this is a stadium event!! The boys get front-row seats, because… not many people showed up. An announcer screams over the PA at a volume that’d damage the human ear.

PERSON: ARE YOU READY? LOGICO: I AM READY!! PERSON: ARE YOU FUCKING READY?!?!! LOGICO: YES YES I AM SO FUCKING READY!!!! PERSON: IIIIIIIT’S THE CHESS TOURNAMENT OF THE CENTURY, FEATURING THE TWO GREATEST ‘PAWN STARS’ IN THE WORLD!! FIRST UP, GRRRRRANDMASTER ROOO-OOO-OOOSE!!!

There’s a violent explosion of flames and confetti. Rose is lowered down from the ceiling on a platform. 

ROSE: I AM THE KING OF THE BOARD AND THE BAR! And soon… THE WOOOOOOOORLD!!!!

Logico screams and jumps up and down. Irratino is certain that either he or Logico is on drugs right now.

PERSON: AND THE SLICK-BACKED JOCKEY THAT’S GONNA POUND THIS MOTHERFUCKER BACK INTO HIS PLACE - GEEEEENEERAL COOOOOOFFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Coffee don’t need no platform - he just drops from the ceiling with a Spider-Man land. And no catchphrase either.

The only other people in the audience are a couple humans and Boss Charcoal. Irratino groans and leans back so far he falls out of his seat. How is THIS ‘logical’ while the stuff he likes is ‘dumb’?

LOGICO: Oh, Irratino, it’s all right. There’s esoteric meaning behind the moves! IRRATINO: There… is? LOGICO: Like the one that goes like this! It means… life! IRRATINO: [sigh] PERSON: BUT WHAT’S THIS? LOOKS LIKE THE REFEREE IS OUT COLD! 

Some medics come over.

PERSON: OH IT’S MORE THAN OUT COLD… THEY’RE DEAD!!!

Irratino perks up. Finally, a development!

ROSE: Really?? I was gonna… I wanted to do my chess! I would have wiped the floor with Mr. Coffee! COFFEE: Mr. Coffee is a brand name, and if you wipe the floor with it, you’ll just be making a big mess. I was the one who was apparently going to win!

Irratino is glad they get to solve a murder, but Logico isn’t. He was really looking forward to that tournament. So was Rose, who throws a chess piece out the window so hard that it explodes.

While Logico does the real work, Irratino sits with Charcoal in the stands.

CHARCOAL: So, uh… what brought you here. IRRATINO: Logico made me. CHARCOAL: Yeah… my mom told me to go to this because I need to ‘sharpen my brain’... I thought my brain was sharp enough already! [cue the usual crying fit]

Irratino looks in a flyer.

IRRATINO: It says that these tournaments can last from one to 18 hours. 

Charcoal continues sobbing. 

CHARCOAL: I should have done the murder, so I’d have an excuse to leave! LOGICO: Ah, Irratino! Have any analysis on this one?

Tino hears a ticking sound in the distance.

IRRATINO: There’s a clock over there. LOGICO: I can always count on you.

Goat Lord slams his face against a table. Logico discovers that Coffee was the culprit. The man chugs an entire mug of espresso in one gulp. He should NOT be having that much.

COFFEE: I knew I could never win unless I killed. ROSE: YES!!!! That means I win already! LOGICO: Yes, now you’re disqualified. You can’t win even though you did kill. Also how the hell would killing a referee ‘make you win’? COFFEE: By distracting that Pringles man Rose! ROSE: PRINGLES? YOU’RE THE PRINGLES MAN!! 

The mustachioed goobers weakly brawl, neither able to deal any damage.

IRRATINO: You know, I’d much rather watch this than chess anyway.

The end!

Like I've said before, even the board game will be turned into a single-episode cartoon special (that will probably be painful to read!) where silly Gico decides to 'turn murder into a game'. In a way that doesn't make him sound like a serial killer!

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[grimaussiewitch]

Mcyt test tube baby headcanons:

(This is all for fun and is only the characters that the creators presents. I have zero clue if anyone here is an actual test tube baby and even then, real life ivf is way different then whatever I wrote here)

Jaiden: federation Jaiden headcanon/theory goes hand in hand with test tube creation. Just make a baby to work for you.

Grian: look at him. He was not naturally created.

Scar: something about that face feels like it was plastered onto a baby. Like you have a baby floating in a tube and it just has a smirk and wide, unblinking eyes. Somehow born with scars.

Wilbur: “but what about Kristen and Phil!” Nah, the two did some sort of science or magic to make the baby and the Samsung fridge was the surrogate. He was developing along side vegetables. Embryo Wilbur was probably frozen for six months in the freezer part of the fridge too.

Docm77: a creeper that is also a player and enjoys redstone, aka the closest to science in minecraft. Sounds like an experiment to turn mobs into players.

Zedaph: another case of science esq man. Probably makes clones of himself. If not, a sheep magically transforming into zedaph at random.

Foolish: technically kind of canon?? Only if you really think about it. I mean he had to totems be his kids on the dsmp so someone probably made him. How are totems made…

Tommyinnit: lab innit my beloved. Feral energy that can only be contained in a science tube.

Etho: is Canadian.

Mumbo jumbo: the tube was a Pringles can.

Tubbo: he just has the vibes.

Scott smajor: this man is on nearly every smp, at lest one of him was made in a lab. Which one? I do not know.

Shubble: not through a biology lab but the magical equivalent. Season 1!empires was from a mushroom or flower, season 2 is via witch magic. Stirring some good soup and bam! A baby.

Skeppy: is a test tube baby in the way blocks and objects are made through a crafting table.

Pearlescentmoon: no rhyme or reason. She just is. Just picture stardust slushing around in a tube. That’s Pearl.

Literally any mob player ever, especially slime: they either came conscious or was goop in a lab.

Prince Zam: I don’t know much about life steal or Prince Zam but he just has the vibes you know?

Xisumavoid/Evil X: you know how identical twins are made through eggs splitting? Yeah that’s these two. But once fully split they got extra dna thrown into them, just to spice things up. One became more “evil” and the other “British”

[poorlydrawnmoriocs]

The Kitsuens are a long line of people who have been brought fortune by kudagitsune familiars. The majority of the comically large family lives in a huge house in order to remain close to the family guardian, the massive smoky fox that lives in the chimney.

Grandchildren:

Daishirou is a folklorist who is very enthusiastic in his studies. Since his family lives alongside a type of yokai, he is eager to explore, scour old records and find out what else out there is really true, and how they compare to the legends. His fox lives in the bamboo tube that is traditional to keep a kudagitsune in, because every group needs a control.

Fujio is in a position where he doesn’t really need to work, but has a job as a bartender anyway, because it’s something to do and a way to see interesting things happen. He likes to consider himself a cool beauty, but he’s actually pretty easy to irritate and make lose that cool. Especially if you’re Tamae. His fox lives in a water bottle.

Tamae believes that there’s no point in having money if you aren’t using it to have a good time, so she does. She spends most of her time drinking, smoking, partying, and tussling with her friends/whatever other rabble rousers may show up. All of that said, she’s fairly friendly (if intense) by default, and doesn’t aim to cause trouble, it just kind of happens when she and her equally rowdy friends go overboard. Her fox lives in her metal pipe.

Asagi is an artist who works with a lot of mediums, and mixes them together to results that a lot of people don’t “get”, which frustrates her. She comes across as pretentious sometimes, but has a lot of respect for anyone with a passion for their craft. She’s siblings with Fujio, and her fox lives in a paint tube, though sometimes switches tubes to change color.

Ganji is, as you could probably guess, a massive otaku. He’s a happy, friendly guy who fuckin loves anime, and he loves to express this through cosplay. He’s *really good at cosplay.* Like, he often becomes unrecognizable, and he makes a lot of his costumes and props himself. (Though sometimes Asagi helps with the props, he is one of the cousins she gets along with best). His fox lives in a mascara tube.

Kanna is in the unfortunate position of having a particularly disagreeable fox with a drive to prove herself better than others, and of course, she can’t feel superior without a perfect human partner, so she pushes Kanna to be better than others as well- Or at least act the part of a rich ice princess. Kanna is a massive pushover, and goes along with what the fox wants because it’s easier… But she’s also just. Really bad at being mean and condescending, so it isn’t terribly effective. The fox lives in a flute.

Roi has the disease called Being a Teenager, and is taking all the wrong lessons from being related to Tamae. He’s got a lot of aggression about pretty much nothing and likes to feel tough. Unfortunately for him, and probably fortunately for everyone else, he’s not very strong and kind of a coward. His fox lives in a Pringles can.

Kinuka is Ganji’s sister, and just as big an anime fan. In fact, it inspired her to try to become an idol, and lucky for her, she lives in a setting where we don’t have to address the horrors of the industry, so she acts as the Dog idol in a Momotaro-themed idol group. She isn’t often recognized outside of it. She and Ganji get along really well. Her fox lives in a chapstick tube.

Takatsu is not a blood relative, and has no fox. His mom married Enari’s mom a couple years back. Enari and her mom have been presences in his life since he was a child, and he loves them both a lot… But he’s really just some guy who is now embroiled in the weirder parts of this family of wealthy, magic eccentrics, and it’s a little much for him sometimes. Still, he wants to try and get along with them the best he can.

Enari probably makes the first impression of a rich braggart who’ll probably turn out to be a total brat, but really, her bragging is less out of pride in her family’s money and more out of love for the members of the family… It can still get annoying sometimes, though. Her fox is an unusually large, doughy, barely sapient thing that lives in a tube sock, and she loves him So Much. She will not tolerate anyone being mean to him.

Seimei… Is a strange case. Daishiro just showed up with a baby one day, and it turned out that his hopeless romantic humanfucker fox took human form and got with a rando who helped her out of a jam, then felt like she had to run away when it came to light that she wasn’t human. Seimei is her kid.

Seimei is a quiet, enigmatic, concerningly powerful child who is only getting more so while hanging around Daishiro and sometimes following him on his expeditions. She seems to be able to speak to animals, know where things are that she shouldn’t, see things most people can’t, and often brings creatures into the house. Though I guess that last one is more of a general little kid thing.

[msm-tsotmw]

7/2/20XX

So I’m outside the Castle with Tundra, waiting for Cameo to show up. They apparently like to arrive at council meetings early.

I won’t be surprised if Harlow shows up late or absent… again.

How many times has he done that?

Not even Pringle themselves can count.

Wait, where are they anyways??

Likely digging through boxes of Human World catnip. It apparently has the same effect on them as it has on Human World cats.

Huh.

…In the meantime, do you want a tour around where we have our meetings? I usually like to walk around the inside of the Castle before the others arrive.

…Yeah, that would be interesting.

Alright, then. Follow me.

(Tundra opens up the Castle doors and heads inside. Sprigg follows suit.)

Wow, this is niAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Sprigg, what—

OW! OOF!

(Sprigg slipped on a banana peel, then ended up bumping against some kind of lever.)

Oh, shit.

SPRIGG, LOOK OU-

(An unusually large amount of crabs falls on top of the poor Furcorn.)

GEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

( NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! BWAHAHAHAHAH— OH , DEAR TORRT ! )

…

PIETER.

GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAA-

OH .

(Tundra glares at the dark-red-and-pink Hyehehe with their dark purple eyes.)

(They are fucking PISSED.)

I’M SORRY , SORRY , HAHA !

THAT WAS MEANT FOR YOU , YOU KNOW .

Did Pringle not tell you to STOP SETTING UP TRAPS NEAR THE CASTLE ENTRANCE?

UH , YEAH . THEY DID .

(Tundra facepalms.)

You don’t know how to follow rules, do you.

BAH ! RULES ARE FUCKIN’ STUPID .

…Go to the meeting room. Now.

GAH , FINE .

YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKIN’ KILLJOY !

(Pieter fucking cartwheels away. Sprigg swats the last crab off of themselves.)

Ugh… who the fuck was that?

I’m sorry. That was the Pieter that Cameo and I told you about a few days ago.

He’s always setting up traps against me whenever the Dream Council has meetings.

Damn. Probably sucks to have to deal with him.

…Anyways, back to touring the meeting place. Follow me, Sprigg.

(Sprigg follows Tundra into a hallway full of stars and constellations swirling around. Think of those spinning tubes you probably walk through in those “haunted house” attractions.)

Whoa…

This is only a hallway. Dreamcraft can conjure some interesting things.

(A door materializes at the end. There’s nothing special about it, just… a regular door you’d see in your house.)

Ah. There it is.

…There’s a regular office meeting room behind that door, isn’t there?

If regular office meeting rooms are filled with stars, rugs, extra Cradle thread, and books about Dreamcraft, then yes.

Oh.

(Tundra opens the door and lets Sprigg in. They weren’t lying about what they said— the meeting room looks BEAUTIFUL! There’s even a little replica of the Lunapparatus, and— *ahem*.)

Wow… this is beautiful!

I guess you could say that. Take a seat.

(Sprigg takes a seat on a green floral pillow. Tundra sits on a white pillow with an icy pattern on it.)

So… how long do we wait until the others arrive?

A few minutes, probably. Though everyone has different consistency rates, and— wait.

Where’s Pieter? I told him to come here…

(Suddenly, a sharp-toothed skull is thrown at Tundra from behind. They turn around to see Pieter, relaxing on Cameo’s pillow, which is pink with rainbows on it.)

YA MISSED ME ?

Pieter.

That.

Is.

My.

Husband’s.

Pillow.

ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT ?

YOURS IS *RIGHT THERE.*

(Tundra angrily points at a dark grey pillow with lava patterns on it.)

ALRIGHT , FINE .

(As Pieter makes his way to his own pillow, Tundra facepalms.)

Wait… Cameo’s your husband?

Yes. We’ve been together for… I don’t really know how long, but I feel MUCH better when he’s around. He usually helps me deal with Pieter’s antics, albeit in a much calmer way.

I can only IMAGINE how Pieter was at your wedding…

OH , YEAH !

I WAS THE LIFE OF THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ PAR-

No, you weren’t.

… HMPH .

(Pieter crosses his smelly-ass arms and turns away like a pissy toddler.)

ASSHOLE .

…He was not.

Yeah, I can tell.

It’ll probably take some time before the others get here, so we should just wait.

Yeah. Galvana forbid Pieter does anything stupid…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyways yeah!! tundra and cameo are married lol

-Mod Jimmy 🗣️

[charlies-letters]

December 21, 1991

Dear friend, Wow. Wow. I can paint the picture for you if you like. We are all sitting in Sam and Patrick’s house, which I had never seen before. It was a rich house. Very clean. And we were all giving our final presents. The outside lights were on, and it was snowing, and it looked like magic. Like we were somewhere else. Like we were someplace better. It was the first time I had ever met Sam and Patrick’s parents. They were so nice. Sam’s mom is very pretty and tells great jokes. Sam said she used to be an actress when she was younger. Patrick’s dad is very tall and has a great handshake. He is also a very good cook. A lot of parents make you feel very awkward when you meet them. But not Sam and Patrick’s. They were friendly all through dinner, and when dinner was over, they left so we could have our party. They didn’t even check on us or anything. Not once. They just let us pretend it was our house. So, we decided to have the party in the “games” room, which had no games but a great rug.

When I revealed that I was Patrick’s Secret Santa, everyone laughed because everyone knew, and Patrick did his best impersonation of being surprised, which was nice of him. Then, everyone asked what my last gift was, and I told them it was a poem I read a long time ago. It was a poem that Michael made a copy of for me. And I have read it a thousand times since because I don’t know who wrote it. I don’t know if it was ever in a book or a class. And I don’t know how old the person was. But I know that I want to know him or her. I want to know that this person is okay.

So, everyone asked me to stand up and read the poem. And I wasn’t shy because we were trying to act like grown-ups, and we drank brandy. And I was warm. I’m still a little warm, but I have to tell you this. So, I stood up, and just before I read this poem, I asked everyone if they knew who wrote it to please tell me.

When I was done reading the poem, everyone was quiet. A very sad quiet. But the amazing thing was that it wasn’t a bad sad at all. It was just something that made everyone look around at each other and know that they were there. Sam and Patrick looked at me. And I looked at them. And I think they knew. Not anything specific really. They just knew. And I think that’s all you can ever ask from a friend. That’s when Patrick put on the second side of the tape I made for him and poured everyone another glass of brandy. I guess we all looked a little silly drinking it, but we didn’t feel silly. I can tell you that.

As the songs kept playing, Mary Elizabeth stood up. But she wasn’t holding a suit coat. It turns out that she wasn’t my Secret Santa at all. She was the Secret Santa to the other girl with the tattoo and belly button ring, whose real name is Alice. She gave her some black nail polish that Alice had had her eye on. And Alice was very grateful. I just sat there, looking around the room. Looking for the suit coat. Not knowing who could possibly be holding it.

Sam stood up next, and she gave Bob a handcrafted Native American marijuana pipe, which seemed appropriate.

More people gave more gifts. And more hugs were exchanged. And finally, it came to the end. No one was left except for Patrick. And he stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“Does anyone want any chips?”

Everyone did. And he came out with three tubes of Pringles and a suit coat. And he walked up to me. And he said that all the great writers used to wear suits all the time. So, I put on the suit even though I didn’t feel like I really deserved to since all I write are essays for Bill, but it was such a nice present, and everyone clapped their hands anyway. Sam and Patrick both agreed I looked handsome. Mary Elizabeth smiled. I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt like I looked “good.” Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair’s right for the first time in your life? I don’t think we should base so much on weight, muscles, and a good hair day, but when it happens, it’s nice. It really is.

The rest of the evening was very special. Since a lot of people were going away with their families to places like Florida and Indiana, we all exchanged presents with the people we weren’t Secret Santas for.

Bob gave Patrick an eighth of marijuana with a Christmas card attached. He even wrapped it. Mary Elizabeth gave Sam earrings. So did Alice. And Sam gave them earrings, too. I think that is a private girl thing. I have to admit, I felt a little sad because other than Sam and Patrick, nobody got me a present. I guess I’m not that close with them, so it makes sense. But I still felt a little sad. And then it came to my turn. I gave Bob a little plastic tube of soap bubbles because it just seemed to fit his personality. I guess I was right.

“Too much,” was all he said. He spent the rest of the night blowing bubbles at the ceiling. Next was Alice. I gave her a book by Anne Rice because she is always talking about her. And she

looked at me like she couldn’t believe I knew she loved Anne Rice. I guess she didn’t know how much she talked or how much I listen. But she thanked me all the same. Next came Mary Elizabeth. I gave her forty dollars inside a card. The card said something pretty simple: “To be spent on printing Punk Rocky in color next time.”

And she looked at me funny. Then, they all started to look at me funny except for Sam and Patrick. I think they started feeling bad because they didn’t get me anything. But I don’t think they should have because I don’t think that’s the point really. Mary Elizabeth just smiled, and said thanks, and then stopped looking at me in the eye.

Last came Sam. I had been thinking about this present for a long time. I think I thought about this present from the first time I really saw her. Not met her or saw her but the first time I really saw her if you know what I mean. There was a card attached.

Inside the card, I told Sam that the present I gave her was given to me by my Aunt Helen. It was an old 45 record that had the Beatles’ song “Something.” I used to listen to it all the time when I was little and thinking about grown-up things. I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours. I decided then that when I met someone I thought was as beautiful as the song, I should give it to that person. And I didn’t mean beautiful on the outside. I meant beautiful in all ways. So, I was giving it to Sam. Sam looked at me soft. And she hugged me. And I closed my eyes because I wanted to know nothing but her arms. And she kissed my cheek and whispered so nobody could hear.

“I love you.”

I knew that she meant it in a friend way, but I didn’t care because it was the third time since my Aunt Helen died that I heard it from anyone. The other two times were from my mom.

After that, I couldn’t believe that Sam actually got me a present because I honestly thought that the “I love you” was it. But she did get me a present. And for the first time, something nice like that made me smile and not cry. I guess Sam and Patrick went to the same thrift store because their gifts went together. She took me to her room and stood me in front of her dresser, which was covered in a pillowcase with pretty colors. She lifted off the pillowcase, and there I was, standing in my old suit, looking at an old typewriter with a fresh ribbon. Inside the typewriter was a piece of white paper.

On that piece of white paper, Sam wrote, “Write about me sometime.” And I typed something back to her, standing right there in her bedroom. I just typed. “I will.”

And I felt good that those were the first two words that I ever typed on my new old typewriter that Sam gave me. We just sat there quiet for a moment, and she smiled. And I moved to the typewriter again, and I wrote something. “I love you, too.” And Sam looked at the paper, and she looked at me. “Charlie... have you ever kissed a girl?” I shook my head no. It was so quiet. “Not even when you were little?” I shook my head no again. And she looked very sad. She told me about the first time she was kissed. She told me that it was with one of her dad’s friends. She was seven. And she told nobody about it except for Mary Elizabeth and then Patrick a year ago. And she started to cry. And she said something that I won’t forget. Ever.

“I know that you know that I like Craig. And I know that I told you not to think of me that way. And I know that we can’t be together like that. But I want to forget all those things for a minute. Okay?”

“Okay.” “I want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you. Okay?” “Okay.” She was crying harder now. And I was, too, because when I hear something like that I just can’t help it. “I just want to make sure of that. Okay?” “Okay.” And she kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know that I was never so happy in my whole life...

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem And he called it “Chops” because that was the name of his dog And that’s what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star And his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts

That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo And he let them sing on the bus And his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair And his mother and father kissed a lot And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine signed with a row of X’s and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant And his father always tucked him in bed at night And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem And he called it “Autumn” because that was the name of the season And that’s what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint

And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars And left butts on the pews And sometimes they would burn holes That was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot And his father never tucked him in bed at night And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem And he called it “Innocence: A Question” because that was the question about his girl And that’s what it was all about

And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her That was the year that Father Tracy died And he forgot how the end of the Apostle’s Creed went And he caught his sister making out on the back porch And his mother and father never kissed or even talked And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly

That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem And he called it “Absolutely Nothing” Because that’s what it was really all about And he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist And he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn’t think he could reach the kitchen.

That was the poem I read for Patrick. Nobody knew who wrote it, but Bob said he heard it before, and he heard that it was some kid’s suicide note. I really hope it wasn’t because then I don’t know if I like the ending.

Love always, Charlie.

[sea-lanterns]

Borzoi Clorinde getting her snoot stuck in the pringles can attempting to retrieve hamster Furina who crawled in there for fun but hasn’t come out. Imagine prying off the can from Clorinde’s face only to find a pathetic-eyed Furina at the bottom of the can

You can film a sitcom on the sanctuary because of all the funny hijinks the hybrids get into. It’ll be like The Office but instead it’ll be called The Sanctuary and it follows the daily life of Vet Reader and all the animal hybrids that get into trouble.

Anywho, I can imagine the Vet popping the Pringles can off Clorinde’s snout, only to see Hamster! Furina roll out of there, looking traumatized with her fur all messy and covered in Pringle crumbs. Clorinde didn’t mean to get Furina stuck in there, but since she was in such a dark, cramped space for so long, she just scurries up your arm and huddles against your chest to calm down. Poor girl is traumatized 😭😭

Furina won’t crawl into Pringles tubes anymore after that.

[thegodmouth]

looking for a god-king

has your binbag ripped? has your life gone off-script? did you cum too quick? did you lie? has your rebrand flopped? did your face get cropped? did the love switch off overnight?

are you inauthentic? apathetic? reeling in the noise? drinking spam? spitting coins?

are you looking for a God-King? somebody who can make your heart sing? somebody utterly amazing? I'm the meaning that you need, it's me, and I...

I was once like you hollow, cheap and used like a Pringle tube, less than alive but the screen, it showed me holy scenes: the crowd upon their knees all creaming in their jeans with all of their believing and their bleeding and their feeding and their needing so into the screen I climbed

now I'm electric! pure aesthetic! signals in the void! drink me down! I'm your joy!

are you looking for a God-King? somebody who can make your heart sing? somebody utterly amazing? I'm the meaning that you need, it's me, and I...

this was all I knew how to be so please

are you looking for a God-King? somebody who can make your heart sing? somebody utterly amazing? I'm the meaning that you need, it's me

and I'll be the anger in your age of doubt I'll be the fingers in your moaning mouth I'll be the screen-light you'd die without I'm the meaning that you need, it's me

and I'll be the meteor beyond your clouds the holy terror in your childhood house I'll be your tentacles and thorny crown I'm the demon that you need, it's me, and I... I'm the demon that you need, it's me, and I... I'm the demon that you need, it's me tonight

[inkystaar]

buses are exceptionally awful like What. metal tube ??? that you get into ?????? life size pringles can ???

cars are so fucking crazy like what the fuck do you mean i get in a metal brick and go places

[sunshinemunchkin]

A Case of Sticky Fingers

pairing: Steve Harrington x Single Mom!Reader

summary: when steve finds a rouge toddler, he takes it upon himself to return the child to her mother. however, he doesn't expect to become so enamored by you.

warnings: mentions of food, talk of pregnancy, awkward fluff

word count: 2.8k

a/n: this is hasitly based off of this post>> so full creds to this anon and one of my favorite writers @plainemmanem also the writing in this is something different. it wasn't intentional but hey it's here. this also may be in multiple parts, if you guys want to see more of this. let me know! <3

She was about to say something about getting another refill on the slurpees when there was a sound of slight shock voiced from her best friend who had fallen behind in step as she rounded the corner of a new aisle. Turning, Robin found Steve being tugged at by the cuffs of his jeans by a teary-eyed toddler.

The girl couldn't have been more than three years old, yet she had enough strength to pull Steve away from his conversation and comments on his friend's love life. Bending at the knees, ignoring the click in them as he squatted and balanced his weight on the balls of his feet so he was at eye level with this child, Steve offered her the most sympathetic and friendly smile. "Hey, you lost?" His smile clearly caught her attention as she took cracked her lips and revealed a toothy grin.

The girl couldn't have been more than three years old, yet she had enough strength to pull Steve away from his conversation and comments on his friend's love life. Bending at the knees, ignoring the click in them as he squatted and balanced his weight on the balls of his feet so he was at eye level with this child, Steve offered her the most sympathetic and friendly smile. "Hey, you lost?" His smile clearly caught her attention as she took cracked her lips and revealed a toothy grin.

This made Steve ease as he looked to Robin for help, who simply shrugged. Turning his attention back to the girl in front of him, her head darted around looking for someone, her parent most likely. "You lose your mommy or daddy?" Wide eyes wandered over Steve's freckled face as he spoke, the sound of his voice amusing her as well.

A few sad giggles escaped her before she let out a small, "Mommy." Her tiny fist was wrapped around Steve's index finger which she had gripped onto for support, slightly sticky from what he assumed was chocolate ice cream. The residue in a ring around her chin.

He picked her up, though reluctantly as the front of her shirt was also spattered with melted chocolate, and held her on his hip. The feeling and action felt so familiar, like he'd done it a thousand times before. Perhaps in a previous life because Steve was sure as hell he had never held a child this small in this one.

Her eyes were scanning the empty store, other than Steve and Robin, it was just two other people: the girl, and the confused teen who had assumed the kid was his and his best friend's. Steve looked out the double doors to the parking lot, finding only three cars there which he had hoped one belonged to the parent of this girl.

He handed Robin the snacks in his right hand, a tube of Pringles and a six pack of Coke. "Stay here, I'm gonna look outside." Without so much as another question, he walked slowly out the door. As he stepped around the corner of the small establishment, he saw no one, just an empty cement wall where employees went to smoke on their break.

The lingering scent of cigarettes made him walk quickly away from that area, for both his and the kid's sake. The girl, had found quick interest in Steve's freckles and moles that littered the side of his face. She seemed to be coming down from a sugar high as she rested her head on his shoulder, cheek lightly bumping against his polo shirt as he walked. "Yeah, that's good. Just rest, honey. We'll find your mom."

Almost immediately, at the mention of her mom, the girl whined a bit. Steve shushing her with a gentle stroke to the top of her head. "What's your name, hmm? My name's Steve, what's yours?" He tried to change the subject as quickly as possible, distracting her from the fact that he had walked around the entire building now and there was no sight of any adult that resembled this child in his arms. No one with a sloped nose or mop of long hair that was pulled back into a pony tail. No woman with long eyelashes or a wide pink smile.

"Ana." Her voice was meek, her lips stuffed against Steve's neck and her soft breathing making the boy shiver gently. The sensation was odd and sticky, but he found such comfort in it.

His large hand rubbed against her back, the striped shirt riding up and Steve pulling it back down around her torso. "Ana? Ana-Banana?" His joke made the girl giggle furiously. Her eyes shut and her nose scrunched up, he thought it was beautiful. "You like that? S'funny."

Ana sat up straight against Steve's chest, his eyes immediately on her. She pressed her sugary hands against his face, Steve gently taking one in his own hand. "Let's get you washed up, huh?" He figured when he eventually did find this girl's mother, because he'd be damned if it wasn't the last thing he'd do, he wanted her daughter to be in a presentable state and like she wasn't abandoned.

As he rounded the corner to where he knew a water fountain was, he found a young girl. No younger than him, frantically pacing with her hands in her hair. The same color as Ana's. "Momma!" Steve's thought was confirmed by the kid in his arms who was squirming at the sight of her mother.

Her head turned, cheeks dampened with tears as she rushed forwards to Steve, scooped her baby up in her arms, and held her close to her chest. "Oh, thank god. Where did you go?" Her mumbling against her daughter's head was accompanied by kisses to her hair, wiping away her tears as not to scare her already frightened child. She was dressed simply, a green shirt tucked into her jeans, all paired together with some boots. A pink scrunchie hung from her wrist, dirty and Steve could tell it had been some time since she had bought a new one. It was slightly covered in chocolate ice cream, dotting it a milky brown.

Steve swayed awkwardly, the reunion had happened quicker than anticipated and he wasn't sure what to do next. Does he congratulate her? Scold her? Make a joke and ask for compensation? He won't do anything, maybe he'll just back away slowly. But before he could get even a step in, the girl noticed his presence in her moment of weakness.

"Thank you, for finding her." Steve scratched the back of his neck nervously, a shy smile playing on his lips. He shrugged his shoulders, feeling the crick in it from carrying Ana for quite some time and deciding to himself that he needed to get back in shape.

"Ah, no problem. She actually found me." Ana babbled a few words to herself that she knew: tree, car, bird, while her mother smiled at Steve. The man grinning at her intelligence for such a young age, despite him not having anything to compare it to.

The girl pat Ana's hair down, licking a stripe up her thumb and wiping away the chocolate from her face. Ana squirmed and fretted, whining lightly before her mother lightly chastised her. "Hang on, you're all messy." At her tone, Ana simpered, only lightly thrashing her head around. Steve watched the encounter, her motherly instinct kicking in even though she had been scared shitless moments prior.

She stopped worrying over her daughter's appearance, locking eyes with Steve once more. Steve stuttered for words as he made his plan to move on with his life. "I'm Y/N. You've already met Ana." At the mention of her name, Ana grinned and waved, Steve waving back.

"Steve. Harrington. Steve Harrington." Y/N giggled, eyes drifting downwards to the cement that was caked in old gum stains. Steve got high off of the sound. Light and airy, and filled with so much optimism. Something he wasn't used to at all, when surrounded by Robin and her cloud of pessimistic attitude, and Dustin's gigantic ego, Steve rarely found time for the humble and the happy. But here? Now, with her. It felt like a breath of fresh air.

She brushed a piece of her hair from her face, falling into her eyes from where she had run her hands through it out of worry. "I know who you are, Steve." He was confused, and he probably looked it too, with the way he cocked his head to the side slightly like a curious puppy. "We graduated the same year? Or, well, we were supposed to. I obviously was busy with other things." With a gesture of her hand, she joked at Ana being the busy thing she was occupied with during the time of graduation.

Steve wracked his brain to find some seldom of this girl who stood in front of him. Surely he would remember her bright smile, and her laugh especially? But no such luck, and Y/N knew he didn't know her. Though she was more content with the fact than Steve was. "S'okay. We didn't exactly cross paths very often. We had maybe two classes together in the whole of high school, and we sat on opposite sides of the room." Mouthing an 'oh', Steve felt guilty for not getting to know any of his peers in the way that he should've. Not just Y/N, but Robin and Eddie as well.

He waited patiently for the ever foreboding statement, 'You were a dick in high school', but it never came. Y/N simply smiled and hiked Ana further up onto her hip, before reaching down to grab the bag that sat on the ground. "We better get going. I think we've had enough fun for today, don't you munchkin?" The girl laughed, head tossed back as her mom tickled her stomach, slightly protruding from the treat previously eaten.

Steve, wanting to be of some help, reached for her bag while she was preoccupied with the bumbling girl in her arms. He slung it over his own shoulder. Y/N just stared at him gapingly before Steve offered her a small smile. "You've got your hands full." He pointed to the girl coming down from her sugar high as she fiddled with pieces of her mom's hair. Y/N nodded, leading the way to her car, typical family car. A bit run down, one side scratched beyond belief, but it was running.

She sensed his worry as he stared at the scratch along the side. "I didn't do that." Steve's eyes flitted up to meet hers, welcomed by a warm smile. "Previous owner bashed it up pretty good. He was older, didn't have time to buff out the scratch. I said I didn't care so long as it ran. He gave it to me for dirt cheap, actually." Steve didn't know what to say, so he nodded, lips pouted in a way that made the young girl admire that about him.

Flustered, Steve opened the door for her to place her child into the car. Sticky fingers came up to hold her mom's hands as she was being strapped into her seat. "Hold on, babe." She murmured to the little girl as she tried to move her mom's head gently to get a better look at Steve who watched the ordeal with intent. Steve caught eye of the girl peeking over Y/N's head of hair and waved generously. Ana giggled boisterously, swinging her feet and making Y/N puff out a sigh of frustration as her hands shook whilst struggling to get the clip of the car seat into one another. From adrenaline, or nervousness, she didn't know.

"Gotta calm down, bean. Let your mom strap you in." His kind words nearly made Y/N hit her head hard on the roof of the car as she glanced over her shoulder at him. Steve was at a closer proximity now, leaning on her car fully as he kept eye contact with her daughter. She hadn't expected his words to work, but sure enough Ana's legs stopped kicking, her hands relaxed and she waited patiently to be put into her seat carefully, babbling away some song that she heard on her kid cartoon that morning.

Sending a silent 'thank you' to Steve, he just returned the look with a wide grin. Eventually, the satisfying click of the belt snapped into place, and she exhaled carefully while backing up out of the back seat of the car. A shut to the door earned a whine from Ana who wanted to continue to talk to her newly made friend. Y/N opened the drivers side of the car, popped the key in the ignition and rolled down all the windows. Ana beamed and reached out for Steve's hand. He gratefully gifted it to her, not minding the stickiness and instead relished in it. "You be careful, 'kay? No more wandering off and scaring mom. Sound good?" The girl nodded, though she didn't fully understand everything he said except the words 'scare' and 'mom'. And that was something she didn't want to do, so a grave expression crossed over her face as she played with Steve's fingers.

Y/N pushed the tip of her shoe against the back of her calf. Watching the encounter had caused a turning sensation in her belly, one of fear and joy. "Thank you." She voiced out, Steve's head turning to her but his fingers not ripping away from Ana's death grip. "Never got her to calm down like that after ice cream." The girl's ears perked up and she looked at her mom at the mention of the treat, her hand now dropping Steve's hand as she swung her legs once more. Steve watched her look around the car and outside, busying herself with things that weren't that interesting to an adult, but to a kid were the whole world.

Steve just smiled and hiked the bag up on his shoulder, not noticing he was doing so. "Anytime. She's a good kid." He praised Y/N on her parenting skills in hopes to see the both of them soon. A sudden longing in his bones for an encounter such as this one to happen again. Y/N just eyed the bag around his arm, smiling shyly as she nodded towards it. Steve followed her gaze and gaped, realizing that he was holding her bag hostage. He immediately handed it over into her care and she giggled, there was that sound again.

"Thanks." She said mildly, placing the bag in the passenger seat and stepping inside of the car herself. She glanced in the rearview mirror at her girl who's eyes were drooping shut. Steve shut her door carefully as not to wake her up from her dozing off.

As she put her seatbelt on, Steve felt the pit of his stomach drop. He didn't want her to leave, but he supposed he couldn't help it. She had other things to do, grown up things. Not like him who's having a childish movie night with his best friend like he's still in high school. The weight of his life daunted on Steve and fell on his shoulders as he realized what a kid he was still. "See you around, Harrington. Thanks again." Y/N lovely voice broke him out of his spout of self deprecation and he offered a wide smile instead.

"See you around, drive safe." The words felt heavy in his mouth. Too kind, too domestic. It made Steve want to face palm himself, but it made her smile, so all was right. He stepped back from the car as she put it in reverse, fumbling at the gearshift as if she was trying desperately to remember how to drive so she didn't press the gas and head straight into the side of the 7-eleven.

Mouthing off a 'bye', once more, the parting felt sorrowful and Y/N wondered too, when she would be gifted with Steve Harrington's presence once more. She kept her eyes on him as she drove out of the station, hand high as he waved energetically at her as she turned right and disappeared from view.

He let out a sigh, of disappointment, of glee, he didn't know. He assumed it was a mixture of both. It was all cut short when Robin appeared from the store with a ding of the door. "Hey! Dingus! What're you doing? We still have to pay for all this crap." Steve sighed heavily, but his friends words didn't bother him. Not when he was already planning on ways to find out the most about you as he could.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Steve picked up his feet from where they threatened to drag against the tar filled ground, and trudged back into the shop. Hoping that this wasn't the last time he'd see you.